#thedigitaliscollective

[thenightshadesymposium]

@thedigitaliscollective

[thedigitaliscollective]

[system-dream-peddler]

Have you ever wanted to know what types of dreams languish inside the head of a system? How we dream or how dark things can possibly get due to trauma? This blog is our journey to trying to figure ourselves out, it’s the closest outside of actual therapy (which we are receiving) that we will get to facing and calling out our demons.

We are going to start at the beginning. We are @thedigitaliscollective on here and precisely one half of @MalignantOasis on Twitter.

We are a polyfragmented system, meaning we have easily over 100 alters. Having alters is not something we wish to sensationalise though, it is but a small part of having #Dissociativeidentitydisorder I hashtag that to make it easier to find other systems and information if you’d like to. I will go into what the disorder entails at least for us, which others we have, who we are (within reason) and how we dream more later. Please like this if you are interested so that we can gage interest.

[thenightshadesymposium]

@thedigitaliscollective

Louis Majorelle, Dragonfly Lamp, 1905

[highbloodclown]

I really just want to call my partners....I miss them so much and I need to hear their voices....

[thedigitaliscollective]

Part 1

My pain is big. It needs felt, acknowledged. Those are your words Kye, my virgil as you guide me through my own personal hell. We've been here before, this is normal to us but hell should not be normal to anyone. This circus we're in, it lives for the disease, stays alive for the pain feeds onit like heroin. You stay, you always stay, dress for me in the morning to accompany me to my places to my appointments. You grit your teeth, let it rip you apart, so that I may live. D O W N Another circle, something more and something just a smidge more alien to our experience. You see it has to change slowly over time. Great change can never come quickly because if so people will fight, they will resist and we can't have that. This one is cold, it's where people like him live, if we are traveling back to the beginning. He is chill. Smoke filled rooms, dusty surfaces. There isn't much I remember. I'll tell you what I see. I see a smile on a woman who thought she was in love. A beautiful woman chasing a man around an empty apartment. It's new to them, new to her. There are bodies in the backyard both literally and figuratively. At first she doesn't know it, but Kye it's too painful...you comfort me but tell me I must look I must take myself back to the beginning to be free. Kye I know the truth, your purpose is to be my undoing, my unbecoming. We are bound by the same fate, by strings, by time. You and I serve different ends but in the end those ends are one cohesive new beginning, so in the end were we really so different? In their beginning he blackened her with poisoned hands, they married after only one week. One week they could've been doing anything else. One week that must have been so perfect they thought they'd never part. When they did they broke like waves against the shoreline, waves bathed with solitude and fear. ~Trystan @thenightshadesymposium @alhazredshound @artisan219

[system-dream-peddler]

For now, I will talk a little more about our main three fronters, three of the four alters who’ve so far consented to share their dreams for you. I’m the host of the system, meaning I front the most often. I have had alot of religious and racial trauma, amongst other types. Jo also holds alot of racial trauma, although his is a bit different than mine. He’s originally from Antebellum era Macon, Georgia where he grew up on a plantation and fought in the civil war. He wasn’t always friendly, having started out as a persecutor. Persecutors are a type of alter known for trying to protect the system from abuse by enforcing the rules and expectations of the abusers so that the actual abusers themselves don’t feel they need to. This can cause them to end up repeating the traumatic events they are trying to avoid experiencing, and can often result in the persecutor harming other alters or even the body. They are typically angry and can be quite intimidating, but they are truly trying to protect, however misguided their method. Through therapy he has become one of our greatest allies and strongest protectors. Today he is one of the main fronters and holds a lot of responsibility within the system. Ghost probably fronts the second most, and is also the lead. He was born on an isolated commune near Baton Rouge, Luisiana along with his twin brother, Phantom. Ghost, as some alters do, has his own disorders besides what the host has. He is autistic and schizoaffective, for example, which causes him to be prone to anxiety and paranoia. These things don’t always effect the rest of us since they are particular to him, but they can effect our dreams. Many alters have their own pasts and memories of their own lives. Some of my alter’s personal stories filter into and relate to mine, but it’s not uncommon for them to also have stories all their own which should never be discounted. The first dream which I will offer you is one of our worst. It’s a nightmare actually, and not recommended for the squeamish. The information I have chosen to share above about us should be an indicator to you of certain themes represented in this nightmare. If you are familiar with racial horror or black horror—recently represented in pop culture by movies such as Get Out and shows like Them and Lovecraft Country—then that genre is a good reference as well. If you aren’t familiar it is a type of horror created by black artists that explores the particular fears and feelings bred by racism and generations of systemic oppression. Just like with any other genre, sometimes it is more metaphorical and other times it is depicted very literally in detail. When I post the dream I will include trigger warnings, which I highly encourage you to utilise. The safety and wellbeing of all of you is very important and I do not wish to trigger anyone. Keep in mind that all dreams will be written out as a detailed short story, not just descriptions where I list off the events, so triggering topics won’t just be mentioned in passing. I will also include any necessary disclaimers and explain any necessary details and characters, as some of them could be roommates or friends or things from our lives.

The goal for this dream is just $5. It doesn‘t all have to come from the same person, I will simply post it once my account reaches $5. If you are interested in reading you can donate to my paypal, just look up user: Deathsembrace662@yahoo.com

Trystan, The host

[thenightshadesymposium]

@thedigitaliscollective is asleep with their face buried in Kye’s peep and it’s just super adorable to see them snuggling with their wife’s favorite stuffed animal. I hope they can smell her on it’s fur and that it’s bringing them good dreams. I’m so in love with our partner system.

-Phantom

[highbloodclown]

I’m scared of the bacon raptors.

My son Z (about the watchers in Horizon Zero Dawn)

@thedigitaliscollective

[thenightshadesymposium]

So my husband, Ghost, showed me a video this morning. In it, Wren was fronting. Now, the body was half asleep so her eyes were closed, but she was giggling and nodding and even talking a little. He told me that this happens all the time, which I didn't know. I know that when I get really exhausted I start blacking in and out, but I always figured I was passing out during those times, like most people do when they're tired. It's a little alarming and I'm a little embarrassed because I had no am idea and I still don't know what they've been doing. I may decide to start recording myself if I can find a way, at least audio if not video. The best theory for why this happens is that it's my fault. I tend to hold my others back a lot during the day and don't allow them to front, Phantom and Kairen being the main exceptions. They may be taking advantage of the times I'm too low on energy to get time front. Ghost thinks I should just start letting them front when they like but.... I just get worried about their safety. I want to protect them. I don't want anything bad to happen to them they're good people. I love them. But keeping them in is probably isn't good either.... ugh.... I may post the little video sometime later today after Ghost wakes back up. That's assuming anyone is interested in seeing?? I dunno.... I'm exhausted. Yesterday was really rough and I'm in a lot of pain. I'm gonna try to rest a bit. If you've bothered to read this, thank you so much. I'm sorry for making such a long post. -Kye

[thenightshadesymposium]

@thedigitaliscollective

I love seeing those posts where people are like “if you have headmates or whatever you should be on meds because that’s not okay” posts. Like neurotypicals just think that there’s some magical pill out there that will ‘cure’ anything they don’t consider ‘normal.’ Meanwhile, in the land of reality, my shrink thinks it’s pretty healthy that I’m finally getting to know my headmates, and has no intention of putting me on magic pills, because as long as I’m not hurting myself or anyone else, who cares what neurotypicals think is ‘normal?’ Actually, let’s be real: who cares what neurotypicals think at all?

[thenightshadesymposium]

On Thursday March 23rd 2017, my partner Gwen of @thedigitaliscollective ( personal blog @hauntedgwen ) knelt before me and presented me with this beautiful ring, formally asking me to marry him. I don't know how to explain how much it means to me. It already feels right at home on my finger. I am so so so lucky. -Kye

[thenightshadesymposium]

Code Red Mountain Dew: Official Drink of the Spectre Twins

[thenightshadesymposium]

I'm so in love. I'm so insanely in love. With my arms around him and my lips pressed to his forehead and his face buried in my bosom like a child, I laid here in our bed and cried for joy. I prayed to the goddess, the mother, and thanked her for him. For all of them. For letting them into my lives. For letting them be mine. I know it's a cliche, but I really must have done something right to have earned such a miracle. I truly am the luckiest person in the world. I haven't slept yet, but I've just been laying here holding him while he sleeps. I am so happy. -Kye

[thenightshadesymposium]

@thedigitaliscollective

“The music fits quite nicely for this little guy”

(Source)

[thenightshadesymposium]

Have you ever got a serious alter to genuinely laugh?

I don't think so, but my partners have had near success with our most serious alter. I have never managed to make Pria laugh. She is such an Ice Queen. Not malicious or cruel in any way, actually she’s very helpful, but is largely emotionless. She does form some emotional connections and will display very subdued emotional responses. I do think my partners have made her chuckle once or twice before, which I can only imagine. She is very businesslike and professional most of the time, entirely focused on her job. I have no idea how they got the little laughs out of her.

-Kye