#the worst part is that ive got a family trip planned soon and hes coming

[six-seasons-andamovie]

Think I should start calling my uncle out for being a dick to me

[megalony]

Teacher’s pet- Part 20

So I have about two more parts planned for this Ben Hardy series but I am going to be doing a follow-on series because I love this story and still feel I have more to write for it. I hope you will all like this part, feedback is always lovely to hear.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie​ @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​ @rogermeddow​ @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Series taglist: @im-an-adult-ish​ @gwilymleeisbae​ @k-k0129​ @haileymorelikestupid​ @glittrixvibe @youngpastafanmug​ @ultraviolencezs @kdatthecastle @darlindolan​

Series masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) teaches at the school Ben’s boys go to and they soon start a relationship. But they have their ups and downs with the problems Ben faces with his boys and how quickly the relationship progresses.

Enjoy.

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"I'm gonna go and see our baby girl now, they said I can finally hold her today."

Ben's fingers slowly and methodically carded through (Y/n)'s hair, moving the strands into waves and brushing them from her face as he talked quietly in a soft voice. He didn't know if (Y/n) could hear him or not, she was sedated but he knew that some people in comas could still hear voices around them so he hoped that even though (Y/n) was asleep, she could hear his voice.

He had spent most of the morning here with (Y/n), holding her hand, brushing his fingers over her skin to try and show her he was still here and talking to her in case she was listening. But now he had to go and see their daughter before he went home to the boys.

Every time he left (Y/n) here he felt guilty and in pain because something could happen when he left and he didn't want anything to happen when he wasn't here. And if felt awful to leave (Y/n) here on her own and he didn't like being apart from her, but he had to go and be with the boys until everything settled and he could bring (Y/n) home.

"I'll be back tomorrow, baby." He pressed his lips to the top of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair as he was desperate not to let her go.

It hurt that Ben couldn't wrap his arms around (Y/n) or kiss her or even talk to her. He wanted to take her home and have everything be as it should. Ben wanted (Y/n) in his arms, he wanted her and his daughter in his arms in a hug and he wanted the boys at home with them and for them to be the family they should be. He didn't want (Y/n) to be ill and in pain and their girl to be stuck in an incubator without her family surrounding her every hour of every day.

The moment Ben got out of the room he just wanted to turn back around and go lay with (Y/n) but he knew if he did that then he wouldn't leave.

"Ben, how is she today?"

He didn't get more than two feet away from (Y/n)'s room before his eyes suddenly locked on her mother heading towards him.

The first time Ben had met Alicia was worrying for him since he had met her only a month before he and (Y/n) found out they were going to have a baby. He had no idea how she would react to her daughter being in a relationship with someone who already had three children of his own, he knew it wasn't the best kind of image or the best situation her parents would want for her. But he had been more than surprised when her parents had taken to him straight away and Alicia was very welcoming to the boys, she was practically another grandmother to them already.

It crushed Ben more than anything when he had to ring (Y/n)'s parents and explain that (Y/n) had suddenly taken a turn for the worst after he had told them she was recovering well the night before.

And it was too hard for Ben to stay with (Y/n) when her parents came to visit her. They came every day like Ben did but he made sure they had time alone with (Y/n) or else he didn't know what to say, where to sit or how to act. All he wanted to do was sit beside (Y/n) and hold her hand and suddenly make her better but he didn't feel comfortable when her parents were in the room. He couldn't cry in front of them either.

Ben was engulfed in a rather comforting but still crushing hug the moment Alicia was in front of him.

(Y/n) always told Ben that he had charmed her mother almost like he had charmed (Y/n) herself. His smile won Alicia over and his nature and just generally how he was made Alicia accept him into their family straight away.

"They're keeping her sedated, she got too distressed when she was awake with the ventilator and she's still on a lot of antibiotics... but the doctor said her heart isn't affected, so that's good." Ben scratched at the short hairs at the back of his head before he rubbed his hands over his face, trying to wake himself up a bit more.

When (Y/n) had woken up early in the morning, they had to sedate her because it was distressing for her to try and move and realise that she couldn't breathe. Feeling a tube stuck down her throat was too much for her, especially when it made her focus on her lack of breathing and she couldn't communicate without panicking. It was kinder and safer to keep her in a sleeping state, at least until she started to recover.

But the sepsis was still attacking her system and her lungs weren't working on their own. The antibiotics were treating the infection (Y/n) had gotten after labour but they couldn't control the sepsis. The only good news they had right now was that (Y/n)'s heart was still strong and wasn't effected by sepsis because if that happened, her chances would be next to none.

"Well s-she needs the rest... how's the little one doing?"

It was clear that Alicia was about ready to burst into tears but she was doing her best to push the tears back and keep her voice under control. (Y/n) was her only child, she had no other kids so (Y/n) had been her world and Alicia didn't have much other family other than her husband and her sister. If she lost (Y/n) she wouldn't have anyone around her except for Ben and her granddaughter and the boys.

Alicia had been to see her granddaughter along with (Y/n)'s dad, Jeremy, they visited the baby every day they visited (Y/n).

"They're letting me hold her today, I just can't do the birth certificate yet... (Y/n)'s supposed to be picking her name."

Ben could feel a bad headache forming behind his eyes, causing him to rub ferociously at his eyes to try and relieve the feeling. Their girl was four days old now and by this time Ben usually got the birth certificate sorted but he couldn't do that when he didn't have a name for her. He and (Y/n) had three names but they never managed to decide on one before labour happened early. Ben picked the name for all three of his boys and he said he wanted (Y/n) to be the one to pick the name for their daughter but right now she couldn't so he wasn't getting the certificate done until (Y/n) was better.

"There's plenty of time for that. I'll visit her after I sit with (Y/n) for a while, and if you want to stay here with (Y/n) at any point, you just ring me and those three boys can stay with me. You know I think of them as my own."

Alicia rubbed her hand up and down Ben's arm as a silent look of appreciation filled his eyes before they parted ways. He couldn't carry on this conversation without wanting to cry and it was very clear to see, Alicia didn't want to push either of them too far. Ben knew and appreciated that she would look after the boys whenever she could because she thought of them as her own grandkids. But Ben had to be at home with them as well as being here with (Y/n) because the boys were starting to get worried and he couldn't have that.

It was only a short trip from (Y/n)'s room down to the neonatal unit where is girl was and it was a route Ben walked three or four times a day. Switching between seeing (Y/n) and their daughter before he went home and spent the night with the boys before coming back to the hospital as early as he could.

When Ben reached the room that held four other newborns as well as his daughter, he headed straight over to his little girl and where a nurse was doing her routine checks.

"Mr Jones, are you ready to hold baby today?"

Ben nodded his head, finding a smile already on his lips just at the thought of having her in his arms. The moment she had been born she was taken out of the room to be looked after and she'd had a tube down her nose to help her breathe since she inhaled some fluids. But now she just had an IV for some nutrients and a few monitoring clips and stickers to check her vitals.

Doctor Mills had checked up on her yesterday and said she just needed the incubator for another week to make sure her lungs were developed enough to work properly on their own. So Ben could take her home in just over a week.

At least one of his girls was okay.

Ben tried to stop his leg from jittering up and down when he sat down, anxiously waiting for that strange yet intoxicating feeling of holding his baby for the first time.

When he first got to hold Carter, Ben had never felt a wave of emotions like that before. He didn't want to put Carter down, he just wanted to sit and hold him for the rest of his life. Then when he had James it was the same emotions but more intensified, he had another life depending on him and another boy he could cherish and look after. Finn was the smallest of all his boys, he felt like a little baby doll in Ben's arms, the kind he remembered playing with as a kid. Finn was so small and delicate but he had been beautiful.

After Finn, Ben had been sure that he had all his kids. He didn't think he would want or even get the chance to have another child, especially not after things between him and Lucy evolved in the worst possible way.

But here he was now, about to hold his fourth child, his first daughter.

The moment she was placed into his arms, Ben felt a shiver running down his spine and tingling throughout his body. He thought Finn had been his smallest child but his daughter was here, proving him wrong. She was four pounds and three ounces which was definitely underweight considering the average baby was supposed to be around seven pounds.

But she was perfect.

She had a tiny button nose that didn't reflect Ben's bumpy, slightly crooked nose that both Cater and James had inherited from him. Her hands were tiny but formed behind the rose pink mittens stuck on her hands so she didn't scratch her face. Her body fit along the expanse of Ben's lower arm perfectly and the way she curled up in his arm made him grin. She tucked her face into his chest and it tickled when Ben felt her nose brushing against his skin through his shirt.

"Hey, girlie. We don't have a name for you yet, but I'll talk to your mummy about that soon. She's so desperate to come see you when she's better, and the boys are all in love with you already, even Finn says your so pretty. My first girl."

Ben slowly brushed his finger across her cheek, smiling at the way it made her head lean into his touch before it seemed to tickle her. When he brought the boys to see her yesterday, all of them had been in awe of their little sister. Carter looked like he wanted to pick her straight up and cuddle her, James had reached his hand out to take hold of hers. And when Ben picked Finn up so he could see her, the first thing he said was that she was very pretty and sweet even if she was very small. They all seemed to instantly take to the thought of a sister now that she was here with them.

All they needed now was for (Y/n) to get better so she could hold her daughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Buddy, come on it's past your bed time, you need to try and settle down you have school tomorrow." Ben tried his best to sound sympathetic and understanding but it was hard when he didn't have the patience or the effort left in his system.

It was half past ten, both James and Finn were fast asleep in their room and all Ben needed was for Carter to either settle down or for once, actually fall asleep. They all had school tomorrow and Ben needed to try and calm his own mind down because he had to take them to school then go to the hospital to see (Y/n) and their baby.

Ben had seen this coming. He had seen the state Carter was in after his mum dropped the boys back home, he was anxious and hyper and that was a big sign that he wouldn't settle tonight.

"No, I don't wanna." Carter shook his head with a defying look on his face before he planted himself down on the sofa.

His eyes followed Ben's movements in the same way they normally did when he tried to defy his dad. He didn't look anxious or irritated, he looked blank like he didn't know where he was or what he was doing. Carter watched what Ben did in case his dad was really riled up and to see what he could get away with doing. He watched Ben down the last bit of beer in the dark brown bottle in his hand before he got up and moved to put it in the kitchen.

But the moment Ben came back into the living room, he turned the tv off and looked at Carter expectantly. He knew well enough to know that Ben wouldn't let him sit up and watch tv all night when he had school in the morning. Even if Carter wouldn't be tired if he stayed up all night, it still wasn't good for him and would break his routine of trying to settle for the night.

"Carter, listen to me. I'm tired, okay? I'm knackered, I've been at the hospital every day for the last five days and then I'm coming home to be with you boys. I can't sleep either but I need you to keep your routine, I can't deal with you being unsettled from no routine."

If Carter didn't have a routine it unsettled him because routines helped to calm him down and give him structure. (Y/n) and the baby being away in hospital and Ben running between home and hospital definitely didn't give Carter routine or structure. So Ben had to keep that routine for Carter wherever he could and right now that was keeping him at school, bringing him home and keeping set times for getting up and going to bed.

"No, you just want to deal with mum and not let me see her. I miss her and I can't sleep, I wanna go see mum! I wanna see my mum!"

Carter stomped his foot down on the carpet as he stood to his feet, his height making him just below Ben's shoulder. Carter had trouble sleeping but he was normally fine with laying down and thinking until he fell asleep. But when he was anxious like this all he could think about was what was worrying him and that was (Y/n). He thought about her and how he hadn't seen her in over five days but Ben saw her everyday. He missed her and he was jealous and angered that he couldn't go and see her yet.

"Carter she's ill, I have to be there and make sure she's getting better you know that-"

"I wanna see my mum-"

"I wanna see her too!" The way Ben's voice rose and his words bellowed back at Carter made the eldest boy take a step back. He wasn't expecting Ben to shout at him and he certainly wasn't expecting him to say that.

Ben saw (Y/n) every day so far, he did see her whereas the boys didn't get to, Carter didn't understand what he meant by that.

"Every second I'm away from her I want to go back to her Carter because she's sick! I wanna see her wake up and look at me and talk to me and kiss me and just to hold her. But I can't because every fucking second I'm with your mum, she's asleep because she is so fucking ill she can hardly breathe. I miss her even when I'm sat next to her because it doesn't feel like she's there, do you get that? If I take you to see her you'll get upset and when I go see her I cry so no, you can't go see her and I'm fucking sick of all this shit."

The tears that fell from Ben's swollen, red eyes made Carter start to cry silently because he never saw Ben cry. It was something that hardly ever happened and it showed him just how poorly (Y/n) was and how badly it was hurting Ben.

"I want your mum home with us and I want your sister here too, she's at the hospital all alone until I can go hold her. She's my daughter and I can't look after her like I did when I had you boys and it kills me." Ben's tone softened like slowly melting butter and his voice was quieter when he realised he had scared Carter which he never meant to do.

His daughter was all alone in the hospital without her family and even though she wouldn't understand what family was, Ben knew she would have that maternal and paternal instinct and know who he and (Y/n) were. When Ben had the boys they were all home within two or three days and he was looking after them. But with his one and only girl, she was at the hospital without her family and that cut Ben up into pieces.

"I miss mum."

Those three words were the only ones Carter could think of and could manage to say. And the moment they registered in Ben's ears, he went down on his knees in front of Carter and engulfed him in his arms. It didn't and would never matter to Ben how old any of his children were, he would always want to pick them up in his arms and cuddle them like they were all still toddlers.

He picked Carter up and stood to his feet until the eleven-year-old wrapped his legs around Ben's hips and tucked his head into Ben's neck, breathing in his scent which started to calm him down.

Ben kissed the side of Carter's head, moving one of his hands so he could slowly smooth his fingers over the hair at the back of Carter's head. No words were spoken between the pair as Ben silently headed out of the living room and made his way upstairs to his room. If Carter wasn't going to sleep and Ben didn't think he was either, the best option was for them to stay together and try to settle and calm down. They both needed comforting right now.

Carter stayed clinging to Ben like a monkey even when Ben laid down on the bed with his upper body leaning up against the cushioned headboard. Carter put a bit of strain and weight onto Ben's chest as he laid on his front but it didn't bother Ben, he just wanted to hug his son.

"I... I heard the new teacher talking about mum today." Carter kept his face buried in Ben's neck as he spoke but he was clearly calmer when Ben continued to run his hand through his hair.

"Yeah, what did they say?"

"She told the class that mum had her baby but is poorly so she won't be at work for a few months."

"No, buddy she won't be at work for a few months because when a person has a baby, they get time off to be with their baby. If your mum wasn't sick she still would have time off, she has to look after your sister. She's just in the hospital still because she's poorly."

Carter clearly worried that (Y/n) was going to be in the hospital for months with what he had heard the supply teacher say but that wasn't going to be the case.

"Mum is gonna get better... isn't she?"

"Yes she is, I promise."

[peaceisadirtyword]

Surprise (Alex Høgh/Reader)

A/N: Hello! Today is Alex’s bday♥️ so I wrote this lovely anon’s request for today, as it’s the special day. I hope you like it and let me know what you think (I'm not very confident with this one, but I really didn’t have time to rewrite it).

Warnings: fluff, swearing, mentions of alcohol... And I think my bad writing, sorry.

Words: 1984

gif belongs to @alessandra-ives (and it’s my weakness)

It was only 11am and he already had to charge his phone twice. He usually received a thousand messages and notifications every day, but that day was special. 

Everyone had been wishing him a happy birthday since the night before, and he had spent a good few hours on his phone, answering some messages and talking to his family. 

Alex had been looking forward to that day for months, but a week ago his happiness had been crushed when he discovered he'd be alone on his birthday.

Well not alone alone, some of his closest friends were gonna go visit him that night for a few drinks. But you wouldn't be there there. 

The plan had been amazing. You'd fly to Copenhagen the day before his birthday, and would spend an entire week in there, with him. It had been months since he last saw you, and he missed you so much... 

But your boss had ruined everything, and now you had to work for the entire week, so your trip was cancelled. 

You had promised to call, though... He'd do a video-call with you when all of his friends were in there, to talk to you for a bit... And maybe pretend you were in there with him. 

He was on the couch, with the tv on and a book on his lap, but his eyes were glued to his phone. He had turned off all the notifications, and when it started to ring, he immediately picked it up.

"Hey" he smiled widely.

"Hi!" Your voice made him chuckle in happiness, you couldn't call him for a few days, and he missed it "Happy birthday!"

"Thanks" he bit his lip

"How is everything going? How are you?" 

"I'm fine, I received lots and lots of messages, I wish I could reply to all of them but" he sighed "Too many"

"Well, I'm glad no one forgot... What are the plans for tonight?"

Alex's smile faltered a bit.

"Marco is coming, and some other friends, we're gonna have a few drinks... Nothing too big" he shrugged.

"Sounds fun!" you bit your lip at the other side of the phone, noticing how his tone dropped a bit "I really wish I could be there, Alex"

"I know" he run his hand through his hair "It's fine"

"I promise I will go there soon"

"Of course, and I'll go there too" he smiled again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" you frowned "I don't want you unhappy on your birthday, Alex, I... Feel bad"

"Hey don't feel bad, okay?" He got up from the couch and started pacing around the living room "It's not your fault your boss is an asshole, I know you tried, and I'm not unhappy, I swear"

"Really?"

"Yes, come on" he chuckled again "We'll make a video-call, and I'll have an amazing birthday, and the next time you're here, we'll celebrate it again, don't feel bad"

"Okay" you smiled softly "I have a birthday present for you, by the way"

"Does it include a nude?"

"No! Oh my god you're an idiot" you laughed "Shut up, it's not that"

Alex chuckled, leaning into the wall and looking out the window.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure I'll love it"

"I hope so"

"Y/N, I'll love it, even if it's a paper bag, I'll love it because you gave it to me"

"Oh my god how do you know it's a paper bag?"

He laughed again.

"Anyway, I have to go to work" you said, and his smile faltered again.

"Okay, tell me when you got home and I'll call you"

"I will, enjoy your day, okay? Marco will tell me if you don't have fun"

"I will get wasted, don't worry" 

"I love you, Alex"

"I love you too, Y/N" the words brought a smile to his lips "Bye, gorgeous"

"Look at you! You are taller" his friends' hugs almost made him lost balance, and he had to put his hand on the wall to support himself, laughing "Happy birthday Alex!"

"Fuck you" he hugged his friend back before he let him go and enter his apartment, now full of very loud and already half drunk people. 

He was feeling good, he still missed you but knowing he would see your face soon (even if it was on his laptop screen) made him feel a bit better.

His phone vibrated on the table, and he smiled widely before taking his laptop and turning it on. Marco, who saw him and smirked.

"Are you going to call Y/N?" He asked, sitting next to him. 

"Yeah, she texted me saying she's at home now, so I'm going to call her"

"It's a shame she can't be here" he sighed, taking a sip of his beer "When will she come?"

"I don't know, she has to ask for some free days at work and... Well, I'll go there if she cannot come" Alex shrugged, not really wanting to think how much time he still had left to see you again. 

You picked up the call immediately, and as soon as your voice sounded on the room, everyone got quiet, sitting on the couch next to Alex and Marco to greet you. 

"Hey guys!" You smiled excitedly.

"Y/N! We need you! Alex has only drank three beers and has this annoying kicked puppy face..." said one of his friends, making everyone laugh. Alex hit his arm and looked back at the screen. 

You looked beautiful, with your hair framing your angelic face in a way that made his heart start beating faster and faster. And you weren't even in the room. 

"I thought you were at home" Alex frowned when he finally looked away from your face and noticed you were on the street. 

"I'm going home" you smiled "I couldn't wait to call you, so..." Your cheeks reddened, and Alex's friends started mocking the way he smiled widely. 

He noticed you had done your make up. Usually, you didn't do your make up for work, but maybe that day was special...

"Fuck, Alex, I need to go for a minute, the battery on my phone is getting really low" you bit your lip, and looked worried "Do you mind if I call you in five minutes from my laptop? I'll be home in a couple of minutes"

"Yeah, sure" Alex smiled again "Call me whenever you can"

"Okay, see you now, love you"

You finished the call before he had the chance to say it back, and rolled his eyes when his friends started laughing at him.

"I love you, Alex"

"Oh my god shut up" he laughed, kicking his friend.

And then, the doorbell rang.

He frowned in confusion. Everyone he invited was already in there...

"I'll get it, you stay here, in case Y/N calls you" Marco patted his shoulder and got up, walking to the door. Alex took his beer and drank a bit while looking at his phone in case you had texted him. 

He was too busy reading some of the new messages he got, and he didn't notice how all of his friends went quiet. Until someone covered his eyes from behind the couch. 

He gasped and heard some of his friends giggling around the room. 

"Happy birthday, Alex"

That voice... No, but it couldn't be possible... But the smell and the voice were unmistakable...

"Y/N?!" He put your hands away softly and turned around. You were there, smiling and biting your lip as you always did whenever you were nervous. You giggled when you saw his confused face and widened eyes. He looked like a puppy "Fuck!" 

He grabbed your waist and hugged you tightly, making you yelp in surprise when he lifted you easily over the backseat of the couch. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He sobbed in happiness, pressing his lips to yours. 

You smiled into the kiss and hugged his neck. 

"Surprise" you broke the kiss to look at him in the eyes "I'm staying for ten days" 

"Ten days? Oh gods" he hid his face in your neck, a few tears of happiness rolling down his cheeks. He had dreamt to be with you for an entire day for months, and now he had ten days... "I love you, I missed you" he muttered, his grip on your waist tightening even more, as if he was afraid you'd leave again if he let you go.

"I love you, and I missed you too" you whispered.

"Hey, you two! Get a fucking room!"

Alex nearly forgot about his friends being in the same room.

"Sorry" he chuckled, wiping away his tears as he let you go. You already had your cheeks reddened and went back to bit your lip. 

"Oh, he's crying!" More laughter, and this time Alex's laugh was a bit more louder.

"I can't believe you fooled me" he scoffed "I should have known, you sounded too happy this morning"

You two were the only ones left in his apartment. All his friends left after some hours of drinking, playing PS4 and even dancing and singing on the balcony. 

"I wanted it to be a surprise" you shrugged, walking around the living room and taking the empty beer cans and the used glasses to take them to the kitchen "It was true I had to work yesterday, so I rescheduled my shifts and talked to some of my coworkers and to my boss so I could have a few days to surprise you" you smiled at him softly, who looked at you as if you were the most precious thing he had ever seen "And... I needed some days more, because I have things to do in Copenhagen..." You bit your lip nervously, and Alex chuckled, throwing the cans to the trash and looking amused at your words. 

"Okay, and what exactly do you have to do in Copenhagen?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I... It's the second part of the surprise" you crossed your arms on your chest and looked away. 

What if he thinks it's the worst idea ever?

"Oh, the surprise has got more parts?" He laughed "You're going to be the death of me, woman"

He hugged you again, and you hummed happily when he kissed your forehead lovingly.

"Yeah, two more parts" you smiled as your back  was pressed against the wall. 

"Well, tell me" he looked at you expectantly, and you breathed deeply before answering. 

"I'm going to... Well, I thought about it for a while, and I applied even if I knew they wouldn't call me, but I had to try, because it was a great opportunity and..."

"Yes?" He widened his eyes.

"I have a job interview in four days. Here, in Copenhagen"

Alex gasped, and you frowned, worried. 

"That means..."

"That I'd move here, in case they... Hire me... Look, I understand if you think this it too much and I can call them and tell them I'm not interested and..."

"Shut up" he grabbed your face, grinning like an idiot "You living here with me would make me the happiest man in the world, Y/N" 

He kissed you again, a passionate and needy kiss that left you panting and grabbing his shoulders to support yourself. 

"Now, shall we go to bed?" He kissed your cheek and you blushed.

"Okay, but... You go first, I have to take the third part of your surprise!" You giggled excited, pushing him to his bedroom before running to the living room and taking the fragile package. 

He was shirtless, preparing himself to get into bed when you entered the room, and he raised an eyebrow as you gave him the package, already excited to see his face when he saw that old camera he wanted so bad and that was so difficult to find. 

"Happy birthday again, Alex"

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @hallowed-heathen @ivarslittlebadgirl @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @readsalot73 @moondustmemories @thevikingsheaux @therealcalicali @chimera4plums @blushingskywalker @awkwardfangirl02 @credulouskhaleesi @gruffle1 @justacripple​ @heartbeats-wildly​ @inforapound​ @trashcanx @winchesterwife27​

[delicrieux]

the phases of a firework

pairing: fred weasley x f!reader

fandom: harry potter

summary: fred weasley experiences the lana del rey-esque american dream 

d’s note: not written by me, but rather by a lovely nonnie! it’s a honor to post it xoxo leave some love in the comments! 

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I. Lifting Charge

Mother says they’re going to Florida for the summer. Florida means mosquitos, and sunburns, and salty skin and hair and breath because yes, Florida is a fucking cesspool, but for some reason, he doesn’t find himself thinking of any of that and is actually, really when you think about it, kind of calm. Everyone in the household finds this alarming. -“You’re not upset?” -“No.” -“Disappointed?” -“Not really.” -“Dad’s got a cousin in the Keys, that’s why we’re going.” -“Sounds like it’ll be nice.” -“We went to Egypt, you know, like, saw the pyramids and everything.” -“We can make sand pyramids.” But Florida doesn’t have sand. It doesn’t have beaches, either, at least not the part they could afford, because Molly and Arthur Weasley had scraped together everything to get that trip, because the kids didn’t need to know that it was possibly the last time they could leave the Burrow for a summer, because things weren’t safe at home and maybe a temporary home could suffice for a while. They didn’t need to think about the fact that people would die, statistically speaking, people they probably knew, and the kids didn’t need to worry or ask questions or complain, and they didn’t, because all they could afford was a trailer, enchanted, yes, but not exactly a condo, but you know what, no one really paid it any mind. Everyone was quiet, actually, and Molly and Arthur Weasley gripped their trunks and asked themselves how they thought they could hide a war under a swimming suit.

II. Time Delay Fuse

It’s not that it’s hot out, it’s just that balding grass patches and What Type of Blue Even is That sky doesn’t attract many, or really anyone at all. Ginny is on her side of the bunker, writing letters to friends, or maybe no one, just herself. Ron has been napping since they hopped off the portkey, Percy didn’t bother to come, and the parents are off doing parent-y things. George is who’s left, and that’s never a problem, but he’s worried about sunburns, and Fred assures him mate, we’ve got sunblock but it isn’t enough, and that’s why he’s sitting by himself in a lawn chair, Wayfarers resting on a sweating nose, and Johnny Thunder’s playing in a distant trailer and world. It’s oddly therapeutic, the bottom of the classes. There’s no worries, no cares, it’s like retirement but better because there’s no one they know anywhere around, and everything is finally kind of calm. He finds that alarming. -“You like fireworks?” It’s a nasal, chirpy sort of a voice she has. Like an alarm. An alarm goes off in him, not anything bad, just the inner male siren that blares and rings and screams Girl! Girl! Girl! He smiles to himself, thinking about the gargling sort of noise that would make when spoken aloud. George would’ve found it funny. -“Hello?” -“Sorry?” -“Fireworks. You good with them?” He doesn’t know why he’s nodding, maybe it’s because her hair shines that weird, oil gas spilled on a pavement colour, or maybe it’s because she’s standing there, expecting him to go, and who is he to disappoint, and he finds himself leaving the security of the lawn chair and following her up and into the empty part of the balding grass field. It takes half a day and three bottles of what the fuck is this anyway and they’ve managed to set up the perfect show. It’s the fourth of July, American Independence Day, yet it feels like everyone in the park is shackled.

III. Bursting Charge

He’s proud, drunk, and finding himself patriotic for a country he’s spent barely seven hours in. He’s had too much of Swamp Juice, that’s what she calls it, the mixture of Fanta and Bourbon, and the bottom of his stomach is twinkling and tingling, like there are mini little bombs going off in his gut. She says it’s a normal feeling, but he’s not too sure about that. He’s had liquor, of course he has, and one could consider him a sommelier, of sorts, in the way teenagers often pride themselves on knowledge of Grown Up Things. One of his favourite memories are when he and George broke into the liquor cabinet and stayed up till six in the morning downing bottle after bottle of gigglewater. Their stomach hurt, cramped, and their eyes were dried, but it was a night he’d cherish to the grave. But that wasn’t the same feeling. That was what it meant to be drunk and happy, happy that you’re drunk and drunk enough to be happy, but this, the sinking yet soaring and bubbling and fizzling sort of brew in his gut wasn’t that at all, and he’d heard Charlie mention a year back about some guy he’d met that bred some creature he couldn’t remember the name of at the moment. Charlie’d said it was indistinguishable, a feeling you get once or twice. Fred didn’t believe in soulmates, and he didn’t know if he really believed in being in love. It was a dangerous thought to have in a time as dangerous as these, but it wasn’t as if he cared all that much about the danger of things. -“You gonna dance?” She had her hand stretched out to his, hip cocked and lip quirked, and maybe it was the way the fireworks danced behind her shoulders. She was metallic nail polish and Disney World flip flops, two dollar tube tops and stolen hair ties, but she was smiling at him through a Cherry Coca Cola flavoured lip gloss grin, and who is he to disappoint, so he’s standing, swaying, dancing along to the sound of cracking and popping and booms, and he may have snuck in an enchanted firework or two, and the crowd is cheering and smiling and just nearly crying, and so is he when she leans in for a kiss. They’re proud, drunk, and Fred decides that Cherry Coca Cola is the greatest drink in the world.

IV. Stars

The summer stays hot, in every way possible. They spend afternoons melting ice cubes on each others backs and smoking cheap hash on the roof of her mobile home. He learns her parents are dead. She learns his aren’t. He doesn’t invite her to meet the family, but she, in a way, invites herself, and Molly and Arthur are absolutely ashamed when they find out that Fred didn’t immediately bring over the poor girl, look at her, she’s far too skinny. Ginny, dear, put on a kettle and a warm meal, she’s positively gaunt! She finds it amusing. She has dinner that night in the Weasley vacation trailer, and every night after it, too. Fred doesn’t mind. Some nights, he sneaks to her place and they read travel maps, planning future road trips to Nevada and eating Quaker Oats by the handful. She looks at the stars, he looks at her, it’s all very cliche, including her admiration for his super cool accent. He finds it amusing. -“So, what’s gonna happen when summer ends?” -“Whatya mean?” She huffs her smoke, a sign he’s familiar with. She’s frustrated but calm. Patient, but not for long. -“I mean, what’s gonna happen to you? To us? You’ve got school, yeah, but after, I mean, like, I don’t wanna jump to conclusions or anything but-” -“I like you.” -“I like you, too.” -“And I like hanging out with you.” The light in her joint goes out, and it matches the light in her eyes. -“So that’s it then.” - “I’ve just, I mean, there’s a lot going on back at home and, really, I don’t wanna drag you into it.” -“Yeah.” -“There’s a lot, really, there is, and I just wouldn’t want to-” -“No, yeah, it’s fine. I get it.” It takes him a few days, and a few talks with George, but it’s three in the morning and he’s had some liquid luck and he’s knocking on her door in Tommy Bahama shorts and a Life is Good shirt and he’s pretty sure he should’ve put deodorant on and spent more than two-fifty on the gesture but- -“It’s three in the fucking morning, Freddie. Either I’m about to die or you’re about to die, and neither option is really good, so what the fuck-” -“Marry me.” She stops talking, and breathing, and she’s about to laugh until he holds up a plastic little Made in China ring he got at one of those machines in the front of the supermarket, and it probably doesn’t even fit her, but all she can really think is thank God it’s not a damn Ring Pop. -“Are you fucking kidding me, red?” -“I don’t mean today, or tomorrow, or anytime soon. I mean that when that thing going on is over, and when I’m out of school and ready to live life, I wanna live it with you. We could get a bigger trailer, or maybe an RV, and we could ride around America and, and collect special fireworks from around the world. We could have a kid or two, and they could live with us, or maybe we’d just start out with a dog, I don’t know, all I know is I wanna live my life like it’s a never-ending summer with you.” She’s not sure now if she’s laughing or tearing up, either is pathetic, but she crosses her arms over her Betty Boop pajama top and decides to find this adolescent adoration somehow sweet. - “What colour RV are you thinking?” - “Red.”

V. Ash

It’s in the form of a letter, and in a way, that’s better than a call, because then they couldn’t hear her sobbing on the other end. She doesn’t really know why she’s crying. They hadn’t spoken in years. They were sixteen and stupid, as all sixteen year olds are, but the worst part is believing in that sixteen year old dream and thinking the flame was still lit. She couldn’t blame it on her age anymore. She was just stupid. She stares at the paper, passed away, as if that was a better way of phrasing it instead of just saying dead. She can’t be too horribly upset. As far as she was concerned, he’d been dead for four years. Four years. Fuck. He was four, already. -“Where are we headed?” -“I dunno. Nevada?” -“Cool.” He’s got his hand stuffed in a Quaker Oats box, and she finds hers traveling to the two-fifty Made in China ring she keeps on her neck. She’ll tell Molly and Arthur someday soon, maybe once they hit Oregon, she’s not ready for England winters, because right now, life is red. Red with pain and anger, yeah, but also with love, and with red hair, and red lips, and red Cola, and red American fireworks, and red rings, and flip flops, and RVs, and yes, life fucking sucks and war fucking sucks and everything nowadays should be really very alarming, but when she sits back in the driver seat, travel maps sprawled and a four year old in a faded Life is Good shirt sitting in the passenger seat, she finds that life is actually, really when you think about it, kind of calm.

[txnysheart]

let’s get on with living (while we can) [7]

chapter 7: i intend to hold you for the longest time

word count: 6815

warnings: chemo, chemo side effects, homophobia

summary: the press start speculating about steve and tony’s absence from the public, peter goes through his second round of chemo, and there’s a press conference

read on ao3: x

playlist: x

chapter 1 - chapter 2 - chapter 3 - chapter 4 - chapter 5 - chapter 6 - chapter 7 - chapter 8 - chapter 9

series masterlist | masterlist

━━━━━━━━

ARE THE SUPERHERO HUSBANDS RETIRING? - Originally Posted on 29 Oct 2017, at 19:57

Sierra Nelson BuzzFeed Staff - Tony and Steve Stark-Rogers not making any public appearances for the past three and a half weeks has, understandably, started a flow of rumors. Avid fans have theorized everything from holidays to assassinations. However, the most popular theory is that this is the end of their careers as superheroes and the beginning of a comfortable retirement.

Tony is over halfway through his forties - I know, we can’t believe it either - and Steve will be an entire century old next year. The superhero business is a very dangerous and taxing one, so it would be understandable that they’d want to quit now, after all these years of risking their lives to keep civilians safe.

As much as they’ve earned a it, saving the world and whatnot, there are a few things that just don’t add up with the retirement theory.

First of all, they haven’t made any public statements about it. They were not part of the fight that took place right outside New York City two days ago. Only Natasha Romanoff, Bucky Barnes, James Rhodes and Sam Wilson were present. People were, and still are, expecting an explanation as to why neither Tony or Steve Stark-Rogers were on the scene, but so far; nothing.

Another point that has been made is that their teenage son, Peter Stark-Rogers, has also been absent from the public for just as long as his parents. While not much is known about the boy, we all know seeing him out with his dads, or other Avengers, is a common occurrence, as well as seeing him outside the tower as he heads to and returns from school. This has led some to believe that they could have moved to a more remote city no one has figured out where is yet, since Peter would obviously have to attend school somewhere.

Something many have suggested is that this is nothing more than a successful attempt at a secret vacation. After the incident two years ago where the paparazzi figured out the address of their holiday home in Malibu, it would make perfect sense for them to do their best to keep their travel plans private. No one will ever forget the iconic video of the couple telling the paparazzi off rather aggressively. Rightfully so, as they had snuck into the backyard, spooking their then 14-year old son who had been out there by himself.

So, the questions are many. Have we seen the last of Iron Man and Captain America in action? Are they on vacation? Are they just keeping a low profile? Or is something else going on?

Peter had just been scrolling on his phone, but handed it over to Tony when he saw the article. Tony held the phone in his left hand - he’d finally gotten the cast off the previous day.

“What’s wrong?” Natasha asked suspiciously as she eyed Tony’s skeptical expression.

“Press is speculating about why Steve and I haven’t been seen in public for a while,” he sighed, handing the phone over to Steve.

“What’s it say?” Sam asked, leaning forward. Everyone else was listening now too.

Bucky, Natasha, Sam, Pepper, Rhodey and Happy were all spending the day with Peter, Tony and Steve, seeing as the second round of chemo would begin the next day. They often popped in for short visits, but Steve had invited everyone over for dinner to take Peter’s mind off of things. By things, he really meant chemo.

“Just theories about why no one’s seen us. Looks like it’s tied between retirement and secret vacation,” Tony told them.

“Secret vacation would make sense, though. I mean, after what happened in Malibu,” Rhodey commented.

“A repeat of that, and I might actually kill the paparazzi this time,” Tony muttered, not forgetting how much they’d scared Peter anytime soon.

“That makes two of us,” Steve agreed with raised eyebrows and slightly tense body language.

“Yeah, that was… not fun,” the boy agreed, a tad bit uncomfortable thinking back to the event, and adjusted his beanie. He was rarely seen without it now.

“Quite the understatement, kid,” Steve commented when he gave him his phone back.

“Can I see that, Peter?” Pepper asked, already planning out an approach to this in her head. “Thanks,” she smiled when he gave her the phone. Reading over the article swiftly, she soon handed it back, and straightened up, suddenly looking very professional.

“Alright, what we need to do is to make some sort of public announcement, or they’ll just keep on speculating. I’m thinking a small press conference where I choose who get to be there so we know that whoever’s there are serious reporters. No tabloids, no people who’ve written or spoken negatively about you before, etcetera,” she suggested, but knew everyone would agree.

“You’re the expert when it comes to this. Sounds very good, Pep,” Tony approved.

“But what do we tell them? How specific are we?” Steve asked to clarify.

“We don’t lie, but they don’t need all the details,” she continued, and then made eye contact with Peter. “And you’re old enough to be part of deciding how much you want the press knowing. If you want them to know what’s going on with you, that’s okay, but we could also just tell them that there’s a personal emergency. They don’t need to know everything right now.”

“Yeah… Yeah, that last option sounds good,” Peter decided hesitantly. Pepper knew that they’d eventually have to come clean about what was happening, but didn’t say it out loud.

“Who’s gonna be holding the press conference?” Bucky asked. He was leaning back in the couch, arms crossed. Natasha was sitting next to him, cross legged, one knee resting on his thigh.

“Would you two do it?” Pepper asked Tony and Steve, who both nodded.

“Definitely,” Steve confirmed, then looking down at a tense Peter next to him. “You don’t have to be there,” he assured him.

“Good,” he breathed out, not at all fond of crowds. Especially not ones where he would be the center of attention.

“I’ll arrange it for Tuesday,” Pepper said, looking around the room to see if anyone disagreed. Tony shook his head.

“That would be great, but… chemo’s Monday through Wednesday. We can’t leave Peter.” The boy squirmed at his Dad’s words, feeling like a bother.

“Oh, god. Sorry. I- Sorry, it completely slipped my mind for a second,” Pepper apologized, realizing she’d gone full work mode and forgotten about the actual nature of the situation.

“Thursday could work,” Steve suggested. “If someone could look after Pete while we’re gone.”

“I’m not a baby,” Peter protested lazily.

“No, but you’re not gonna be feeling well,” Tony told him, even though he knew Peter knew.

“Right.” He looked uncomfortable at the thought. He’d rather forget about it for as long as he could.

“We’re watching the press conference together, obviously, so we’ll all be here with him,” Natasha said, as if stating the obvious.

Peter was relieved, but also a bit reluctant to let them see him at his worst. Even if it would only be for an hour or so, it could turn out to be just when he’s puking his insides out. He wasn’t keen on anyone having to be there for that.

“Good. Good, thank you,” Tony smiled. How he’d ended up with such great friends, he’d never understand. Natasha sent him a half smile, a little put off by the way he was acting. The snarky, sarcastic Tony had faded away rapidly the past few weeks, and the change was kind of unnerving. She’d kill for a ‘thank you’ packed into a joke at her expense. There’d never been any doubt that Tony cared about his family and friends more than anything. But he’d always shown it in his own distinct way. Not like this.

“Sure. Anytime.”

────────

“You’ve lost some weight, Peter,” Doctor Anne Reynolds said, her face expressing gentle concern when he stepped off the scale. Before each round of chemotherapy, he had to go through a few standard tests; a scan of his lungs, a physical examination, and a weighing.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Peter said sheepishly.

“It’s alright, I know it’s difficult to eat. What kind of foods have you had?”

“Uhm, it- it hasn’t been very varied,” he chuckled. “I’ve had a lot of smoothies and milkshakes. And pancakes and, uh… soggy corn flakes.”

“You’d be surprised how many people’s go-to food is soggy cereal,” Anne smiled reassuringly, writing down what he told her. “Well, everything is set. I’ll give you more antinausea drugs this time, that sound good?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

After a last minute trip to the toilet, he settled in the same comfortable chair he sat in last time. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like this part,” Anne apologized when she saw Peter squeezing his eyes shut at the sight of the IV. “You’re lucky you’ve got good veins, so I don’t have to stab you five times to get it right.” That got a slight laugh out of the boy. “There. All done!”

He relaxed his tense body, leaning back in the chair. “Bring on the drugs,” he smirked playfully, trying to hide how nervous he was. The first time he’d been scared because it was all new. He didn’t know what to expect, other than it being not nice. This time he was scared because he knew what it’d be like: very not nice. Maybe even less nice than last time.

With even more antinausea medication than the first time, he became really drowsy, curling up into a ball. Steve and Tony spoke softly to him, and by the time he was switched over to the chemo drugs, he was half asleep. He fell asleep shortly after, and was only really awake to drink water. When awake, he recognized the warm sensation murmuring in his body that Anne had explained was completely normal, and nothing to worry about. It was constant, almost buzzing, and even though he’d describe it as warm, he still felt cold. He was wrapped up in a thick duvet, and was, as always nowadays, wearing his beanie.

It was Steve who woke him up when it was time to move to the bedroom. He blinked tiredly up at him. God, he looked so young. “We’re just gonna move to bed, and then you can go back to sleep,” he explained, putting an arm behind his back to gently push him to sit up properly. “And Dad has pills for you that’s gonna help even more with the nausea later.”

“Mhm,” Peter acknowledged, stretching his legs out; they were pretty stiff after being curled up for hours.

“You good to walk?” Steve asked just to be sure.

“Mhm. Yeah, I’m good,” he yawned as he planted his sock-clad feet on the ground. “Where’s Dad?”

“In the bedroom,” Steve told him with a smile. Peter was adorable when he was tired. Shuffling his feet, he eventually made it there, Tony ready by the bed to tuck him in.

“You just go back to sleep,” Tony whispered, making sure the boy was comfortable, and kissed his forehead. With closed eyes, Peter reached one hand up to pull his beanie off, dropping it next to his pillow before dozing off.

Biting his cheek, Tony held back tears with a slight grimace on his face. It was so obvious - too obvious - now how sick Peter was, and he hated thinking about it so much. He absolutely despised it. Still, he couldn’t stop looking at him. His son. His only son. Probably the only child he’d ever have. And that was more than enough - he didn’t need anyone else. Peter was all he wanted. All he could ever wish for, and so much more.

I won’t ask why, he reminded himself.

“You okay?” Steve asked quietly, observing his husband. Tony shook his head.

“No.”

“Me neither.” Steve tugged at his hand, making him turn around so he could see his face properly. He didn’t like the hazy look in his eyes. “Don’t go,” he pleaded, voice so full of emotion, yet so quiet. His fingers danced over Tony’s cheekbone.

“I won’t. I’m right here.” Even though he was whispering, it was clear that he was sincere. And determined not to dissociate again. Steve was too, and brought him to their bed in the same room. None of them planned on sleeping - Peter could wake up at any given time - but Steve just wanted to hold him. To keep him firmly grounded. Tony let him; letting his husband dominate his senses. They breathed.

Steve hummed a melody Tony only recognized because he’d hummed it to him before. A part of him wanted to ask him what song it was, but he didn’t. If he did, it wouldn’t be special anymore.

The lights were dimmed - dark enough for Peter to sleep undisturbed, but bright enough for his dads to be able to see him. They were both faced towards him, Steve spooning Tony, holding him tightly.

“When he was little, I used to just watch him sleep. I… I didn’t sleep much, so I’d just sit and watch him,” Tony mumbled, eyes never leaving Peter. The way he let his sentence hang in the air told Steve that he wasn’t done talking. He just needed to organize his thoughts. “Always made him look even younger than he is,” he settled on.

“Mhm. Looks like a baby when he sleeps. Even now.” His voice was slightly muffled by Tony’s hair, and he used the opportunity to place a couple of kisses to the back of his husband’s head. Tony reciprocated by bringing Steve’s hand that was resting on his stomach to his lips, leaving feathery kisses on his knuckles, then cradling said hand to his chest.

How much time had passed when a noise from Peter caught their attention, they weren’t sure of, but they were up right away to see if something was wrong. By the time they reached his bedside, he was sitting up.

“Are you gonna be sick?” Steve asked, a hand on his shoulder. The boy’s face scrunched up.

“Not sure. Probably,” he mumbled. His face paled. “Yeah. Definitely.”

Tony grabbed the plastic bucket from right next to the bed, bringing it up to hold under Peter’s chin just in time. As he threw up, tears rolled down his face, and he sobbed whenever he got a break, which in turn had him panicking because he couldn’t catch his breath.

“You gotta breathe, sweetheart,” Steve coaxed when Peter’s throwing up paused for a little while. His breath hitched, making him cough, but he got a good, albeit shaky, deep breath, and it calmed him down a little; stopped his crying. Another deep breath, and then he was heaving into the bucket again, his stomach nearly empty, and then there was only bile coming up. It burned in Peter’s throat.

When nothing was left, Peter was still dry heaving, unable to stop his stomach from spasming, and he was crying again. He absolutely despised that part. It went on for at least a minute, and then he was breathing heavily, feeling exhausted. “I’m done,” he sighed, letting himself be pulled into Steve’s side while Tony went to clean the bucket.

“Honey, will you get him his toothbrush?” Steve called out.

“Sure thing,” Tony confirmed, flushing the contents of the bucket down the toilet.

“How’re you feeling?” Steve asked Peter, voice low and comforting.

“‘m okay. Really tired,” Peter mumbled into his chest, and it was just something about the way that he was slumped against him that made him tighten his grip around the boy and take hold of his legs to carefully hoist him into his lap. “Not a baby,” Peter attempted to protest, but the way he relaxed in his Pops’ arms betrayed his words. His face was pressed into Steve’s shoulder, and Steve was drawing slow circles on his back.

The endearing scene made Tony swoon when he came back into the room with the - now clean - bucket and Peter’s toothbrush.

Not even two minutes later, Peter was tucked back in, having brushed the acidic taste in his mouth away, and he’d swallowed an antinausea pill which he was begging would work.

When he’d dozed off again, the dads were still at his bedside, and Tony lifted his hand up hesitantly. He drew it back, letting it linger in the air. He almost put it back down in his lap, but decided against it, bringing it to Peter’s head.

Ever since they’d shaved his head, Peter hadn’t let anyone touch it, and always wore a beanie in the day. But the way he leaned into the touch even in his sleep, had Tony and Steve smiling. Tony lightly drew figures with his fingers, consumed by the way his son reacted to it; the same way he always had.

The usual feel of his soft curls was gone, and it felt a little strange to caress his son’s bald head, but he still adored it. Anything that’d make Peter feel better, Tony would do, and that was no secret. Steve would too, and was just as captivated at the scene in front of him as his husband.

Quietly scooching his chair closer to Tony’s, he latched onto the arm that wasn’t occupied with Peter, resting his head on Tony’s shoulder.

“Tired, honey?” Tony whispered, turning his head to look down at his husband.

“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled with a smile, meeting Tony’s eyes for a couple of seconds before looking back down at Peter, content to just sit there watching him. “Love you, Tony,” he whispered.

“Sap,” Tony smirked, but still placed a kiss to the side of his head.

“Sure,” Steve laughed softly, tightening his grip on Tony’s arm a little.

────────

There was a knock on their bedroom door fairly early in the morning. Being the least groggy of the three, Steve got up and opened the door.

“Morning, Doctor. Everything alright?” he smiled politely at Anne who was holding a plastic bag.

“Oh, yeah, all good. I brought something for Peter. Is it okay if I come in for a bit?” she asked cheerily.

“Sure, of course. Pete just woke up.” Steve stepped aside, opening the door wider to let Anne into their room. She always had a smile on her face, and it was contagious.

“Good morning,” Tony greeted her from the chair next to Peter’s bed.

“Hey, Anne,” sounded the boy, giving her a wave. He was sitting up in bed, messing around with his phone.

“Sleep well?” she asked, sitting down in a chair on the other side of the bed. Steve sat down next to Tony.

“Yeah, pretty well. Only woke up a couple times, and fell right back to sleep,” Peter confirmed, pleased with at least feeling rested.

“Threw up?”

“Yeah,” Peter grimaced, “but it’s fine. Less than last time.”

“Well, good. ‘Cause I brought you something.

“Oh?”

“Mhm. You said you hadn’t been eating very varied, right?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, curious as to what she’d brought.

“So, I brought some other foods I think you might like.” The plastic bag she had put down by her feet rustled as she picked it up to put on her lap. “Get that overbed table, would you?” she asked Tony. It was right next to him, against the wall, so he was able to grab it without getting up, wheeling it so it was over Peter’s lap. “Thank you, Tony.” Both men had insisted on being called by their first name, just as Anne had.

First thing she put on the table was a small lidded plastic bowl of fruit salad. “I just brought small samples of everything, ‘cause I’m pretty sure you won’t like even half of it,” she chuckled. “But I think this is a great way to figure out more things you can eat so you don’t grow tired of the same things over and over again.

“Soggy corn flakes is getting a little boring,” Peter admitted.

“Good! Means you’re open to trying some new foods. This fruit salad doesn’t have anything with really strong flavors. Just bananas, pears, watermelon, honeydew and, uh, dragon fruit actually! Looks really exciting, but doesn’t taste much.”

“That sounds good, actually,” the boy smiled, taking the lid off the bowl to taste.

“You don’t have to taste it all now, I’ve got a few more options I’m gonna leave here for you, so no rush,” she explained, receiving a nod from Peter who took an experimental bite of watermelon. All three adults were very pleased when he gave a thumbs up.

“Next up is chicken,” Anne announced, pulling up a rectangle plastic box. “Skinless and boneless, and,” she pulled up another box, “you can have mashed potatoes with it.”

Peter nodded fairly enthusiastically, not even noticing the fact that he’d eaten five entire pieces of fruit. Steve and Tony looked excited at their son eating, and were so very grateful to have a doctor who truly cared about Peter.

“And then the less exciting counterpart to what you’re eating right now.” Another box was placed on the overbed table. “Normal salad. But, you might be surprised, this treatment can change up your tastebuds, so maybe you’ll love it!”

She proceeded to pull up a plain sandwich, applesauce, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, and even some mints and hard candy. “It can help with nausea,” she explained, sending a sneaky wink in Peter’s direction.

“You’ve got an entire buffet here, kid,” Tony chuckled, looking at all the different foods on the table. “Thank you so much, Anne,” he said sincerely, gratefulness gleaming in his eyes.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she waved away, getting up from the chair. “I’ll get going, but I’ll see you guys in a few hours. Don’t eat it all at once, Peter,” she joked, and walked to the door. Peter laughed, waving at her before she closed the door behind her.

“You really liked that fruit salad, huh?” Steve asked, surprised, but happy to see that there was only one piece of fruit left. It wasn’t a big portion by any means, but Peter evidently enjoyed it.

“Yeah, guess I did,” Peter agreed, just as surprised as Steve when he realized the piece of dragon fruit he just picked up was the last one. He popped it in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed before speaking again. “Don’t think I wanna try anything more right now, though. Can we put it away for later?”

“Sure, I’ll go put it in the fridge,” Tony said, stacking up the boxes so they’d be easy to carry.

While Tony was out of the room, Steve noticed the way Peter kept wringing his hands together quite harshly. “You okay, Petey?” he asked, and Peter looked confused when he met his eyes.

“What?” Steve gestured to his hands. “Oh, my hands just hurt a little.”

“Want me to massage them?”

“Could you?” Peter almost sounded desperate, and Steve furrowed his brows.

“Of course,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. And, to him, it was. Peter held out his hands, and Steve took hold of his right one first, kneading it gently. The boy sighed with relief at the feeling, visibly relaxing back into the bed that kept him sitting up. His eyes were closed, and the corner of his lips were curled upwards in a barely-there smile.

Getting back from his trip to the nearby kitchen, Tony looked on from the door for a few seconds, a little lost in how content Peter looked before Steve beckoned him over. “Sit on the other side of him,” he told his husband, and Tony did so. “His hands hurt,” he explained, lifting Peter’s hand up to show Tony he was massaging it.

“Mhm,” Peter confirmed sleepily, and Tony laughed fondly as he reached for his son’s other hand. Both men were happy to keep massaging his hands until they had to get ready for the chemo session of the day.

They’d do anything for him.

────────

Come Wednesday evening, and Peter was back to being absolutely worn out. Him feeling so well at the beginning of the second round on chemo had only been false hope. He’d barely been able to sleep, his bones and muscles had ached, and he’d thrown up a lot. But, he’d become quite fond of fruit, and ate quite a bit of that, to everyone’s relief.

When Tony had gotten the wheelchair from the corner of the bedroom, Peter hadn’t even protested. He just slumped down in it, feeling faint. Tony pushed him about ten feet before Peter shifted uncomfortably. “Wait. Wait, I’m gonna be sick,” he warned, sitting up straighter, and Steve was thankfully able to get the plastic bucket in time. Bags forgotten on the floor, Steve kneeled in front of Peter, while Tony tried soothing him with soft words and comforting touches to the back of his neck.

Leaning back, Peter was out of breath. “Done,” he sighed. “Sorry.”

“I’m about to ban that word, Pete,” Tony smirked, a hand on Peter’s cheek, and was delighted to be rewarded with a laugh. He dried away the tears on Peter’s face, and kissed his forehead.

“That was quick,” Tony commented when Steve was back by his side. He’d gone to rinse the bucket and put it back.

“Met one of the really nice nurses, uh… what’s his name? Tall, with that tattoo.”

“Oh! Uhm, Leonard?”

“That’s it! Yeah, he insisted on taking care of it so I could get back to you guys.”

“Well, that’s very nice of him,” Tony smiled as Steve picked their bags up from the floor. “You know, I could take one of them,” he offered, pushing Peter along, who was half asleep.

“Nonsense. What’s the point of having super strength if I can’t carry all the bags?”

“You’re right. That’s the sole purpose of the serum, obviously.”

“Yeah, you dum-dum.”

“My favorite insult,” Tony snickered. “So clever, babe.”

“You’re the brains. I’m just here for brawn.” Steve was barely containing his laughter, and Tony shook his head as he chuckled.

“So you’re saying you’re the dum-dum?”

“I’ll take it; that’s my own fault for making it too easy.”

“You’re both dum-dums,” Peter mumbled, eliciting surprised laughter from his dads, and earning himself a playful flick to the ear from Tony.

“I suppose we are,” Steve sighed, big smile on his face.

────────

With Tony and Steve having just left for the press conference, Peter was sitting on the couch next to Rhodey, leaning his head on his shoulder. One look at the tired the boy had Rhodey lifting his arm to let Peter rest against his side instead. It was a familiar feeling. Peter had always been a cuddle-bug with the people closest to him, and Rhodey had always been one of those people.

Natasha sat down on the other side of Peter, a bowl full of pieces of fruit in her hand for Peter. He hadn’t had much to eat that day, so Steve and Tony had encouraged them to feed him while they were gone. They even left a list of foods Peter liked, which now consisted of soggy cornflakes, smoothies, milkshakes, pancakes, fruit without too much taste, scrambled eggs, and chicken.

“If you need anything, or if you don’t feel good, you let us know, okay?” Rhodey said, lightly squeezing Peter’s upper arm.

“I’m good for now. But, uh… I should probably have a bucket here in case I need to throw up,” Peter told him, a little embarrassed at the last part, but no one else minded. “There’s one in my room.”

“I’ll go get it,” Bucky offered, getting up from next to Natasha, discreetly caressing her hair as he walked past her. The corners of her mouth lifted at the gesture, and she let her eyes follow him until he was out of the room.

Sam emerged from the kitchen with two smoothies; one for Peter and one for himself. “Here you go, kiddo,” he said, holding one out for Peter, but Rhodey reached out and got it instead. “You better not steal it from him,” Sam teased, and Rhodey put his hands up in a show of innocence when he’d passed it to Peter. He sat down in a lounge chair close to the couch.

When Bucky got back, he put the bucket next to couch, within reach from his place next to Natasha. She mumbled something in Russian that made him smile, and his response had her rolling her eyes fondly.

────────

“And you’re sure you’ve got this?” Pepper asked Tony for the third time.

“Yes, Pep, I’m sure. Don’t worry. Really.”

“Can’t help it. You’ve got quite the history with press conferences,” Pepper smirked, and got a small chuckle from Steve who was adjusting his tie.

“True, but this is about Peter.”

“I know. You two are gonna do great,” she smiled. “I’ll go and introduce you.”

Just as Pepper had said, it was a pretty exclusive press conference, with no more than twenty reporters in the room. Some were with newspapers, while others were with TV channels, so there were a few cameras there ready to capture the event. It was being held in a room in the compound that’d been used for press conferences on several occasions; perfect for it with a stage for everyone to be able to see them.

“Do I look okay?” Steve asked, wanting his husband’s approval before they went on national television.

“Perfect,” he smiled, running one hand down Steve’s chest to straighten his tie. And also just because he could. “Do I?”

“‘Course you do.”

A short kiss was shared before they turned their attention to Pepper, who soon waved them out on stage. “Good luck,” she whispered when she passed them.

They’d planned for Tony to open, so he stood in front of the microphone, leaning his forearms on the podium.

“Thank you, Pepper. Well, as you all know, we’ve been out of the public for a few weeks now. And, no, we haven’t been on holiday. Nor have we been abducted by aliens, or assassinated by the Illuminati,” he joked to set the mood to a light one. “And we’re not retiring either.” When he said that, his breath caught in his throat just a little. He hadn’t given it any thought. The world just might’ve seen the last of Iron Man and Captain America. For them to come back after all this, there’d have to be a miracle.

“But, as of right now, because of a personal emergency, it’s not possible for us to take part in usual Avengers business, or leave the Compound.” Tony took a step to the side to let Steve take over.

“While we’re dealing with this, we can assure you that the safety of the public is in good hands. As you all saw last week, they can manage better than fine without us.” He looked to Tony, wondering if he should say anything more, but he just shrugged. Steve nodded towards the reporters, a silent question of whether they should just open for questions now. Tony approved with his own nod, so Steve addressed them again.

“Any questions?”

A bunch of hands shot up, and Tony picked one out randomly. “You, with the blue and white tie. On the left.”

The man stood up. “Can you tell us who this emergency is about?” he asked.

“Not at the moment, no, just that it’s someone close to us” Steve answered. Short and to the point.

The next reporter was chosen. “How much longer will you be confined to the Compound?”

“We’re not sure. It’ll probably be a good while.”

Another reporter. "Is there a reason you've specifically chosen the Compound?"

"This place has its perks. We also thought it was best to get out of the city."

They kept asking questions, politely attempting to get more information out of them, but with Steve in charge of answering their questions, they got nothing else than the exact amount of information they’d agreed on sharing for now.

In a very out-of-character way - at least to the press - Tony stood to the side in courteous silence. However, one particular question had him taking over the microphone without hesitation.

“There have been rumors that you’ve put your son into the foster care system, is this true?”

“Absolutely not,” he denied firmly, but didn’t want to let him keep the attention, so he looked through the room to pick out the next one, but the same reporter kept talking.

“Wouldn’t that be for the best, though? I mean, with your lifestyles…” he trailed off, gesturing to them, and the room started murmuring.

From the tone of the question, Tony and Steve both had a feeling that he wasn’t talking about them risking their lives on the job, and the smaller man swallowed thickly before speaking into the microphone again. “Because we‘re Avengers?” he still asked, with a disapproving frown and tight jaw, hands clenching down on the podium until his knuckles turned white.

“No, no, it’s just,” he chuckled, but no one else at all were amused, “don’t you think he should get to grow up in a proper family?”

With ice cold eyes, Tony stared at him, doing his best to stay calm. “We are a proper family. I’m not gonna waste my time trying to get through your thick homophobic skull, so just get out.”

“What? Oh, come on-”

“I’m not joking. Leave of your own volition or I’ll have someone remove you.”

He muttered something to himself, a certain slur starting with an ‘f’, as he turned to pack his stuff up, but didn’t take Steve’s enhanced senses into account which were laser-focused on him. The soldier’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief of what he’d just heard that man refer to his husband as.

“Hey!” he called out, away from the microphone, but voice loud enough to carry across the room, catching his attention again. “Don’t you dare call my husband that. Don’t call anyone that,” he warned. "I don't think you understand how offensive that word is." He had a protective hand on Tony’s back who looked slightly confused. Steve cleared his throat, pulling himself together before calmly speaking to the crowd through the microphone. “I think we’ve answered enough questions for today. Thank you all for coming and being so polite. I apologize. Please respect our privacy and don’t speculate any further about our public absence.” He led Tony off the stage to where Pepper was anxiously waiting for them.

“Did he call him… you know-” she began, but refused to say the actual word.

“Yeah,” Steve confirmed, disgust clear in his voice.

“I’m really sorry. This is my fault, I let them send him instead of the person I requested, I’m so sorry-” she rambled, distraught at what had just happened.

“You couldn’t have known,” Tony cut her off, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “The only one here who’s done anything wrong is that nimrod. Not you.”

She sighed, sending them a smile that didn’t really reach her eyes before excusing herself when someone called her over.

Tony held Steve’s hand and looked up at him. “You didn’t have to do that, babe. I didn't even hear it. And I’ve been called worse,” he mumbled, just loud enough for Steve to hear. The look he had in his eyes was one reserved for his husband and no one else.

The words Tony thought would make the situation better only made Steve’s face crumple in disapproval. Not of Tony, but of anyone who’d ever made him feel like that. “That doesn’t make it better. It just makes me feel sure that calling him out was the right thing to do.” He made circles on the back of Tony’s hand with his thumb, lost in his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time. “I’ll always stand up for you.”

“I love you,” Tony whispered, squeezing his hand.

“I love you too.” Steve kissed his forehead.

With them in the room were a few people working, hurrying around, directed by Pepper; none of them really having time to notice the pair’s intimate moment at the edge of the room.

“Let’s get back to Peter,” Steve smiled, pulling Tony by his hand with him to the elevator.

Once the doors closed and they were by themselves, Tony placed his hands on Steve’s chest, and lifted himself up on his toes to whisper into his ear. “That was really hot.” A kiss to his neck and he got back down to his regular height, smirking up at Steve who was sporting an open-mouthed, lopsided smile along with wide, delighted eyes.

He collected himself, walking forward until Tony was trapped between him and the elevator wall. “Yeah?” he asked, voice low and gravelly, pressed up against him; now he was the smug one. Tony might pretend to be offended whenever Steve pointed out how much smaller he was than him, but Steve was very well aware of the fact that Tony actually enjoyed the size difference. A lot.

“Mhm. Now kiss me, we’re only going a few floors up,” a flustered Tony spluttered out, pulling him down before he could say anything more. They fit together as perfectly as ever, and the kissing grew heated within seconds. Hands exploring known territory, soft sounds of approval being swallowed by each other, and then they were startled apart by the ding announcing that they’d reached their floor.

Composing themselves, they felt like teenagers as they walked out of the elevator, heading for their apartment where they knew Peter was waiting along with everyone else. Except Pepper who was still working on getting everything back to normal at the compound after the press conference, and Happy who was doing his job as head of security. Just outside the front door, Steve pulled him in for another kiss, cradling his neck, one arm around his waist. Tony melted into him, and stayed glued to his side even after they pulled away.

Upon opening the door, they could hear everyone talking, and when Peter laughed, it was like nothing else mattered. They just wanted to see him happy.

And he was. His back leaning against Rhodey’s side, the man’s arm resting across his chest, and feet on Natasha’s lap, he was tiredly grinning. Everyone was happy.

Peter noticed that they’d gotten back and his smile got impossibly more radiant.

“Hey, Petey-pie,” Tony laughed softly as he walked over to Peter to place a kiss on the top of his head - well, the beanie.

“Hi, Dad. You guys were great.” He paused as if he suddenly remembered something. “But that guy was such a dick-”

“Oi!”

“-like what does he think this is? The nineteenth century? I’m so tired of people like him spewing bullshit like that. Like what- what does he even get out of it? It's not like-”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, Pete,” Steve cut him off, kneeling in front of him, before he could work himself up about it. He always did when someone insulted his dads purely based on the fact that they happened to be not straight. “There’s always gonna be people like him. And that’s okay, because we know that he’s wrong. The only reason I got so mad was because of what he called Dad. You're smart, so I assume you’ve figured out what it was?”

“Yeah,” the boy whispered.

“You gotta pick your battles. And, for me, this was one of the ones worth picking. That word just… It stings a lot more than other words. Okay?”

Peter nodded, feeling a little bummed out thanks to that reporter, but Rhodey was there and he was ready to make it better.

“One thing’s for certain, Pete; you sure do have two badass dads,” Rhodey smiled. He looked up at Tony from where he was still confined to the couch by Peter resting against him. They shared a look, one with decades of friendship contained in it. Just a slight lift of one eyebrow, and Tony knew Rhodey was asking him if he was okay. He answered with a crooked smirk.

Peter ended up being carried to bed by Tony after he’d fallen asleep on Rhodey. Making sure he was comfortable, Tony then pulled his beanie off, having gathered that he liked sleeping without it. Steve looked on from where he was sitting on the end of the bed, hand protectively resting over Peter’s legs.

“We need sleep too, you know,” Steve whispered when it looked like Tony was about to grab Peter’s desk chair to settle down in it for the night. Tony paused.

“Yeah,” he admitted, slouching a little, not caring about keeping up appearances for his husband.

He followed Steve voluntarily to their bedroom, intertwining their hands on the way.

Once tucked into bed, Steve stayed awake, humming songs and stroking Tony’s back to help him fall asleep. It took a while, but Steve didn’t mind. He was just happy when his husband started snoring.

Small victories.

[gwennhadu-bug]

Bon Route (part...3ish?)

@alyanette-april 4: Travel

Remember that Alyanette college road trip AU I have in the freezer? I pulled out a chunk of it again! This doesn’t directly follow the first posted installment, but it makes for good, long, dialogue and plotless reading on its own. And honestly, you can start to see why I keep this in the freezer, but how could I not post it for the theme of “travel”...??

“Road trip!” Marinette chirped , following Alya’s rough tug out to their waiting van.

The T&S Boulangerie van was an old white Renault van with their logo emblazoned on the side. Tom had splurged for an automatic van, deciding that it would be less likely to jostle any catered goods on the inside. Alya and Marinette had filled the back with the materials for Rome, of course, as well as their own suitcases. The front seats were ready for a long trip with a blanket and pillow for the passenger, bin of snacks, and plenty of music. Alya had done her research and was as ready for this as she figured she could be.

Marinette’s parents had flown out the night before and it wasn’t hard for their daughter to sneak home, explain the secret plan to their cover shift manager, get the van, and drive it to Alya and Marinette’s apartment early that morning. They still had a few fresh croissants aromatizing the van when the two girls left Adrien and Nino’s place. Marinette jumped into the driver’s seat and Alya buckled in next to her. “Alright, Mari. Recapping our plan… Day one, we’re driving to Chloe’s in Geneva. It’s about a 6 hour drive, but since we need to stop every 2 hours for safety, we’re stopping in...Auxerre, and Saint-Albain. So accounting for the time it takes to stop, we’ll probably be there around...15 or 16 o’clock. An entire evening with Chloé, like you wanted.” She rolled her eyes and added, “For some reason.”

Marinette started the van and didn’t immediately reply. She drove down the street, rolling over the old stone roads and into the busy traffic. With expert confidence, Marinette weaved in and out of the slow or stopped cars, through the old, small side streets. “We owe it to her. She moved away two years ago, Geneva’s only 3 hours by train, and no one but Adrien has visited her once!”

“Because we’re broke university students and she’s a salope,” Alya responded. “This is your right turn.” Marinette turned on to Boulevard Saint-Germain with a pleased sigh. This was a main road, not a side-street, and the van wasn’t as terrifyingly large here. “Take Pont de Sully, then we’re taking a sharp right to Quai Henri IV.”

“She’s not a salope. She’s gotten so much better. She got so much better through all of lycée, you know that!”

“She just learned how to use underhanded compliments instead of outright insults. And don’t you remember all that shit she pulled in lycée? Especially when you first got together with Adrien? No, she was still a salope then.” The car loudly rolled over Pont de Sully and Alya took the opportunity to look out at the Seine. Early morning light reflected over the river, lighting up their city that she wouldn’t see for almost two weeks. Marinette took her sharp right onto the next street. “Okay, we just follow this road until the A4 ramp towards Orly Airport and merge onto Périphérique.”

“Got it,” Marinette answered. Their road took them parallel along the Seine and with early morning Paris traffic, they had plenty of time to admire the city and chew on breakfast. Cars impatiently honked, like they always did on this road, so Marinette dutifully ignored her fellow Parisians’ complaints. “She wasn’t ever nice, I’ll agree. But Alya, you saw her at her worst; before you moved in, she was a pretty sweet girl in Primary school. She just got worse as we got older and closer to college. Maybe that’s why I actually believe she’s improved...I know what she used to be.”

“You sound like Adrien,” Alya complained.

“Is that a bad thing?”

Maybe not to Marinette it wasn’t. Maybe not to the girl who still loved him madly and deeply despite her claims otherwise. Alya sighed, not wanting to answer that. But their conversation didn’t feel finished. “When it comes to Chloé, I think it’s bad. He coddles her too much.”

“Adrien has never once coddled Chloé! He is always trying to make her a better person.”

“Marinette, Chloé has spent the majority of every year since I’ve met her trying to make my very best friend, which is YOU, by the way, miserable. I won’t apologize for not trusting her.” She turned away from Marinette, looking out her own window at the city instead. Eventually, she spoke up again. “Here’s your exit. Okay, follow this for 2 kilometers, then take the A6B exit.”

Marinette seemed a little visibly stressed at this point. She had told Alya many times as they prepared that she had never driven outside of Paris...beyond quick catering errands for her parents within tight, slow-speed city driving, Marinette didn’t drive much at all. But neither of them wanted Alya as the first driver at 7 am in an unfamiliar vehicle. Picking up on that, Alya kept quiet except for instructions. “Keep going here….yes, just keep on A6B. 8 kilometers here.”

“Eight kilometers?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a while…” Marinette agreed, her voice cautious. She seemed distracted by all the graffitti to the point that Marinette chirped in surprise when the van zoomed into a tunnel. But soon enough they were back in a small, one-lane road, speeding through the suburbs of Paris. Buildings were suddenly newer, smaller, and farther apart. Trees began to appear.  “Okay, I think I’ve got this,” she finally said, a little more confident.

“Good, because our next exit is coming up in about a kilometer. Just stay to the left- follow the signs towards Lyon.”

Marinette leaned forward to read their approaching exit sign more clearly. “A6?”

“That’s it!” Alya looked back at Marinette and smiled, seeing her friend with a proud smile on her face.

“This is officially the farthest I’ve ever driven,” Marinette announced.

“Then I need to document this,” Alya said. She opened up her camera and panned the outside ‘scenery’ of graffitied highway walls and scrubby brushes. “We have just left Paris and are about to get onto highway A6. Marinette just announced...mind saying it again, Mari?”

“This is officially the farthest from Paris that I’ve ever driven!” Marinette turned to Alya and grinned, then dramatically flipped her blinker to the left and veered towards their exit.

“That’s amazing! But it was only thirty minutes!”

Marinette laughed. “I didn’t say the longest. I said the farthest.”

Alya grinned at Marinette’s wide smile. “Well, buckle up sugar, because our next turn isn’t for another 158 kilometers. Road trip!”

“Road trip!” Marinette screamed out. She laughed in delight. Next to her, Alya closed the recorder app. She could get more footage later on. “What about you, Alya? What’s the farthest you’ve ever driven?”

“Rouen. Two hours away, just past Giverny, with Alix. But I’ve gone on a lot of road trips with my family before I was 18. My longest was...When I was Ella and Etta’s age, my family took us from Rennes to Provence. God, they were both babies at the time. Do not drive twelve hours with toddlers, Marinette.” Alya’s eyes were wide and she shook her head. “I don’t remember much about that trip, but I remember that. Nora and I were basically babysitting the whole drive. Well, she was. I probably just complained about it.”

“So the real lesson is don’t take toddlers and you on a twelve hour road trip,”

“Excuse me,” Alya laughed, “I was ten! Give me a break, young lady!”

“Are you sure you won’t be complaining the entire time on our road trip?” Marinette teased, raising an eyebrow.

Alya couldn’t hold back her smile. “I’m sure,” she answered. “You are much better company than twin toddlers, Mari,” Alya added, reaching out to rub Marinette’s forearm.

Marinette’s smile in reply was wide and comfortable. “That’s not a very high bar, but I’ll take the compliment anyway. We don’t go on vacation very often. Maman and Papa hate leaving the boulangerie...I can only imagine how much Mami had to fight them to leave for this week,” Marinette said with a heavy shake of her head. “When we would go places, it was by train or plane. To visit family, usually...Flew to China, took a train to Central-Pays...I’ve been to Italy once before; it’s a lot faster by train. But this way we have all our stuff.” She turned to look at Alya for a moment. “And I have you!” Marinette added in a squeaky voice of delight before looking back at the road.

“You could go on a train with me too, Marinette,” Alya laughed.

“Sure, but this is much more cinematic. We get to look at all the scenery!” The two of them were still on the edges of the Paris Metropolitan area, passing signs for communes like Evry. “Like Disneyland!” Marinette explained, waving her hand at the brightly colored exit signs that they promptly drove right past. “Have you been to Disneyland?!”

“Of course I have; I’m not an animal,” Alya scoffed. “It’s been a second, though.”

“We should go together some time!”

Alya smiled, looking out at the Disneyland signs. She could imagine Marinette skipping and singing along to the music in Disneyland, wearing mouse ears, holding her hand, watching fireworks with Alya…”We should,” Alya agreed, feeling like she was digging her own grave with every romantic fantasy.

“But that one we’ll take the train for. After all, we’re not animals,” Marinette laughed.

“This isn’t exactly scenery, by the way,” Alya told Marinette with a giggle. “It’s ugly stores and graffitti and crummy houses.”

“It’s different than Paris,” Marinette defended. “Look! There’s...nature and stuff out that window!”

“Nature and stuff?” Alya repeated with a laugh. “Oh, my god, Girl. You know we’re going to be driving to the literal Alps today, right?”

“Exactly!” Marinette replied, hopping up and down in her chair. “Nature and stuff!”

“We’re not at at the alps yet. We’re just getting into the rural part.” Alya looked over at Marinette with a gentle, loving smile. “This part is going to be boring.”

“Please, Alya. It won’t be boring. You’re in the car.”

Alya felt her throat tighten and Marinette looked straight ahead. “I should record more for montage-ing.” She pulled out her phone, recording the fields and farms that they now drove through in silence. “Let’s, uh...put on some music,” Alya decided. She had made a playlist for their road trip, but suddenly got a wicked idea. “I know exactly what to listen to until we get to Auxerre.” She opened up her music app, flipping past the dozens of playlists Nino had made for her or sent her, finally deciding to use the search function again. “Weeee are going to listen to Clara Nightingale’s Miraculous album.”

“Yes!” Marinette gasped in amazement. “Oh, god, I don’t think I’ve listened to that since college!”

“Marinette, I live with you. That is a bald-faced lie. You mean no one else has listened to that since college.”

“It’s not like I know the words anymore, though. It’s such a- YES!!!!”

Alya laughed in delight. The moment the first note of the first song trilled out in peppy, poppy major key, Marinette was singing along to the instrumentals and drumming on the steering wheel. And that adorable liar knew every word.

The two girls sang along to the pop anthems of their teenage years, crooning our to one another dramatically, drumming the dashboard and steering wheel, even rolling the windows down to sing at passing cars. At least until they passed pastures of cows: the windows rolled up real fast right then.

When the titular song, “Miraculous”, played, Alya screamed in delight. “Marinette! It’s your song!”

“Oh, god,” Marinette laughed. “That was an insane day. I’m glad it just ended up being Everyone's song.”

“Don’t lie, Mari. You would have loved to have a song with Adrien back then. The Ladybug to his Chat Noir,” Alya fluttered her eyelashes, adding, “they did get together, after all. For a little bit.”

Marinette squinted as she drove forward. “Was that ever really official though? I mean, you never reported on it.”

Right, because Ladybug and Chat Noir had both specifically asked Alya not to. “Do you mean the relationship or the breakup? Because they were caught kissing like, a lot.”

“People kiss!” Marinette sputtered.

“I don’t know many people who kiss their friends like that,” Alya laughed. If she kissed her friends like that, Marinette would absolutely know. “And That DID end up on the Ladyblog. I know because you nearly had a conniption.”

“I just want to make sure you’re reporting factual, hard-hitting news! Not… gossip!”

“Yeah, I know, we had this exact argument two and a half years ago,” Alya laughed. “There’s nothing there for me to report on anymore. Hardly anyone sees the Miraculous heroes out together.”

Marinette was quiet for a moment, letting Clara Nightingale sing her sad song and fill the car with music. Then she said, “would you report on it? If some of them got together? Romantically?”

“I’d secure an exclusive interview and do it that way.” For some reason, Alya’s answer amused Marinette. “That’s what I always try and do,” she continued. “The Ladyblog functions the way it does because the Heroes trust me, so I need to keep that trust. It’s more important to maintain a trusting, professional relationship than to run a gossip piece.”

“That’s very mature of you, Alya.”

“It’s cause I’m a fuckin adult now,” she said, putting her feet up on the dashboard and grinning wildly at Marinette. “Adults are mature and shit.”

“You’re usually more of the ‘and shit’,” Marinette giggled.

“Hey! Pétasse!” Alya yelled, throwing a crumpled croissant napkin at her best friend.

Marinette squealed in giggles. The song continued in the background and Marinette exclaimed, “This is your part!”

On cue, Alya performed the tiny segment of the dance where she had been filmed...at least the part that involved her arms. “It was pretty cool. But I still think you would have been amazing as Ladybug.”

Marinette blinked in surprise. “Really? You weren’t just saying that?”

“No, girl. You totally have the Ladybug spirit and look down.”

“That’s high praise, coming from you...wasn’t she your celebrity crush?”

“Putain, she still is!” Alya laughed easily. She wasn’t dumb; she knew she was just as likely to land someone like Ladybug as she was to land a straight girl like Marinette. Even if Ladybug saw her as Rena fairly often...that was too big of a fish to try and catch for real. Ladybug wasn’t exactly the warm and cozy, ‘talk about our feelings’ type and still demanded no one tell each other their identities. It was largely why she didn’t let her feelings for Ladybug deepen. But that didn’t mean her attraction hadn’t. “Have you seen her new outfit? And the way she’s grown into it?” Alya whistled low.

She looked over at Marinette and saw her friend’s face was quickly turning scarlet...probably embarrassed by Alya’s gay talk. So she upped the ante, staring right at Marinette. “I mean, damn. She looks mature now, not an innocent little girl. Someone who can consent and downright control. Those little black spanx she got now? Over that ass?” Marinette turned even redder. Alya grinned. “And her fucking legs. Ladybug is strong as hell, but her legs...she redefines thick. She could crush a watermelon between those thighs. And let me tell you, I would love to be that watermelon crushed betwee-”

“Look, our exit sign!” Marinette squeaked, her voice several octaves higher than it normally was.

Alya grinned, pleased that she won their unofficial game of chicken. “Coq a l’ane,” she muttered at the abrupt subject change, smiling as she noticed the sign for Auxerre. She turned her recording back on and pointed it out the window. “Take a look at that! We’re only 5 kilometers from the exit to Auxerre! It’s 9:30 am, and we are making great time. What do you have to say, Marinette?”

Marinette grinned at the camera, her face slowly returning to its normal coloration. “I am ready to get up and stretch; that’s what I have to say!”

“And see the town?”

“Yes, and see the town. It’s supposed to be very pretty, right?”

“Sure is!” She could have kept filming Marinette- god knows she was prettier than the scrubby brush and trees around them. But she turned the camera frontwards anyway, hoping to catch more of the signs as they went. The music played on in the background, Alya and Marinette singing along again as Marinette took the exits into town.

Past a round-a-bout, trees hung over the street (Marinette squealed in delight) and the scenery quickly changed to include more buildings of varying ages. Alya recorded the sights of the town as they drove through, as well as a few shots of her very excited friend. She took a third exit at a roundabout, following the road until they drove next to the Yonne river. Marinette looked from the river to the other side and gasped. “Marinette, the car! You took your foot off the gas. There are people behind us...the car!”

“Oh...oh, shit. Right!” She gassed the car again and quickly found a parking place, then bounded out of her seat before Alya could even narrate what was going on. Marinette bounced up and down.

“She is so cute,” Alya laughed. She got out of her own seat and took a nice, slow pan of where they were. On one side of the girls, the beautiful, narrow Yonne river glittered with boats moored along the edges. Across the river were charming white houses with red-brick roofs and trees, trees, and trees as the horizon line. Blue skies and puffy clouds soared overhead, not tall buildings or intimidating history. On the other side though, it was a sight to behold. The buildings stood side-by-side, only visibly unique from one another by their white stone French coin corners. They were all topped in gorgeous tudor woods of bright colors- reds, yellows, and browns. A cathedral towered just above that view. Gothic, like the cathedral the girls grew up with, but so unfamiliar and so unique and so, so much larger and more impressive in this relatively small town. “And this is Auxerre! What a pretty medieval town!” Alya narrated.

Just on time, Marinette came bounding back into the camera’s view. “Auxerre!” she cheered. “Look at the cathedral! And the river! And the tiny, tiny buildings! Let’s explore, Alya! How do we park?”

“Marinette, we already parked.”

“No, I mean...where do we register to park here?”

Alya giggled. “Mari, we don’t. It’s free. We just leave the car and walk.”

“Oh. That seems...wrong.”

“Welcome to literally anywhere but Paris!”

“Okay, then. Let’s go!” Marinette rushed forward and grabbed Alya’s hand, pulling her towards the bridge over the Yonne river. She was giggling the entire time as if this poor girl hadn’t gotten out of the city for years.

Once Marinette pulled Alya to the center of the bridge, they both turned to face the city and gasped. Alya put up her phone, recording the view. Just across the river and reflected into it stood a wall of two-story medieval buildings. Stone, tudor, and charming. The cathedral and nearby clocktower stood above them, providing a beautiful postcard view...and one that could fit on said postcard. Yes, the city sprawled to the sides, but not in any overwhelming fashion. It was all Right There.

Alya dictated to her camera a little bit of information about Auxerre, then turned to film Marinette. But her friend was sitting cross-legged on the bridge, sketchbook in hand and tongue partially out of her mouth as she sketched the skyline. She smiled softly and turned off the video. It might be awhile.

Alya sat herself down next to Marinette and looked over at the city across the Yonne. It wasn’t a small city by any means; one of the largest in the area. But compared to their home, it was a hamlet. And Marinette was truly inspired. Alya loved to watch Marinette work. Their work ethic had always been one of their earliest connections; few other girls in college would spend hours working on their professional dreams. And as they got older, Marinette was the good influence Alya needed and vice-versa. Even now on vacation, Marinette couldn’t stop her mind from creating and taking inspiration.

They sat together as dozens of people crossed the bridge around them for almost twenty minutes; Marinette drawing under the morning sun, Alya watching the city, the water, and reviewing her videos so far. Finally, Marinette sighed in satisfaction and shut her sketchbook. “Let’s keep exploring.”

“Excellent. And we’re not leaving here without buying a good Burgundy wine!” Alya stood up and offered a hand to help up her friend.

“Fine with me, Alya!” Marinette cheered. “To the clocktower?”

“Absolutely. It’s calling to you, isn’t it?”

Marinette turned to Alya and smiled the way she did when she was in love with an idea. “I’ve not seen anything like it before. I can’t wait to meet it!” She squeezed Alya’s hand and turned to the city, tugging her friend along.

They wove in between people, down alleys, past old shutters and painted doors, around cafes, and up to the clocktower. Alya filmed the entire time, recording all the details of their exploration and the girls’ comments on the old town. She filmed the clock tower, then eventually their visit to the cathedral, Marinette’s scathing commentary on the outside of one of the local boulangeries (as well as her apology after seeing the interior and buying a baguette), their experience buying some fresh, local Morbier cheese and sliced meat, and finally handed the camera over to Marinette so Alya could pick out the Burgundy wine.

Exploring Auxerre, Alya felt like she and Marinette were free for the first time in a long time. They had no home to take care of, no careful relationships to dance around, no schoolwork to feel guilty over. And everything was new. Every building they saw, it was the first time for both girls, and every shared experience was taken while hand-in-hand. It ended up being nearly two hours later before the girls finally realized they ought to eat their lunch and get back on the road. Still, they meandered their way back to the van, pointing out tiny details in the city and the old stones beneath them.

Having parked near a patch of grass, they did not have to go far to eat their picnic lunch. Marinette carried the fresh purchases over to the grassy knoll while Alya rummaged in the back for their cooler.

Trixx poked her head out, taking a look at their new city while finally away from Marinette. “Wow, pretty place! Did you like it here, Alya?”

“You know, I did. Marinette got a real kick out of how trusting all the citizens are. She fits right in with that part...And the streets are really fun to explore.”

“Didja get me ice cream?”

“No, not this time,” Alya laughed. She bent over and picked up their cooler and shut the van back doors. Turning back around, she could see Marinette fussing with their fresh food and talking to herself. “Let me get you some cream before we go over, though.” She kept her eyes on Marinette as Aya bent into the cooler, pulled out a small pop-top jug of cream fraiche, and handed it to her hungry kwami. Trixx took it in both hands, knocking the drink back as she floated in the air as guzzled. Soon enough, she handed the remaining half back to Alya with only a semi-satisfied pout.

“It’s not ice cream.”

“I told you it wasn’t! Just...trick yourself.”

“I can’t trick myself, Rena. It doesn’t work like that. Pah. You’ll just have to make it up to me with some really great ice cream in your next stop.”

“Hey! You don’t even get ice cream every day in Paris. Don’t get greedy, ya little punk!” She took a single finger and pushed Trixx back into her shirt, making Trixx giggle in fake protest. Then, Alya looked back up at Marinette. She had finished laying out their fresh food, only waiting on the fruit, butter, cutlery, cookies, and drinks in Alya’s cooler. Marinette’s back was turned to Alya, the sun directly overhead, as she looked at the shimmering river.

Alya carried over the cooler quietly, not wanting to disturb Marinette. But still, when she was closer, Marinette looked over her shoulder, readjusting her cascading raven hair, and smiled softly at Alya. “This was a great place to stop,” Marinette cooed. She patted the grass next to her.

And Alya absolutely did not want to continue her vlog. She wanted a moment alone with Marinette, to enjoy their picnic, their quiet moment away from the town and all the Auxerre people who had been so kind. But regardless, she pulled out her camera, recording with great animation all the fresh Burgundy region delicacies they bought for their sandwiches. At Marinette’s absolute insistence, the wine remained corked, since they planned to drive.

Lunch consumed half their baguette, most of their Morbier, all of their meat, and only about fifteen minutes of their time. And then they packed all their leftovers into the cooler and headed back to the van.

“I’ll take the next leg,” Alya promised. She filmed their approach to the van but nearly dropped the camera when Marinette tossed her the keys. “Auxerre to….Saint Albain, two hours away. It’s 12:30 now, so if all goes well, we should pull in about 2:30.”

“Wait, we need gas,” Marinette corrected, “so don’t pull onto the highway just yet.”

Alya handed her the camera. “We’re supposed to film the road trip side to this all, so make sure you get as many hilarious shots of me as possible.” And so, the start of the second leg began with Alya lurching forward in the van and pulling through a local gas station.

Marinette dutifully recorded the monotony of Alya putting the nozzle of gas in the van, also catching her amused smile when she saw the camera turned on her. “You’re recording this, Mari?”

“It’s a crucial part of the road trip experience! It isn’t all Clara Nightingale sing alongs and climbing clocktowers,” Marinette explained.

Alya smiled and leaned against the car. “I guess you’re right. I’m not sure if I should be proud you’ve learned to be so thorough in recording from me, or a little embarrassed.”

“You should be proud! I couldn’t have a better teacher,” Marinette gushed. Alya looked down, hoping to hide her blush. Enough Buzzfeed watchers were already shipping Alya and Marinette and she didn’t want to give them any more ammo.

That was a lie. Alya was captain of that fan club and absolutely hoped this trip included as many moments between them as possible. But still. It carried a little weight of embarrassment back at the office.

“So you learn to record everything in your life from me and I learn to be a little more coordinated in my outfits from you. That seems symbiotic,” Alya decided aloud.

“And you’re lucky you have me, Alya. You do well dressing for yourself sometimes, but the level of sophistication…?”

“Is this a crack at my flannel plaid?” Alya asked, putting a saucy hand on her hip.

Marinette laughed. “It absolutely is! You look like a Canadian lumberjack!”

Alya shook her head. “You will pry my flannel out of my cold dead hands. It’s my mating display for fellow gays!”

“Oh, please. You don’t need to dress a certain way to attract girls,” Marinette disagreed.

The gas clanked with completion. Scoffing at Marinette, Alya unplugged the nozzle and hung it back up. “Like you know squat about that. I’m actually queer and need all the help I can get.”

“I just think you can get a girlfriend in any outfit, Alya,” Marinette explained, fussing with Alya’s collar with one hand, holding the camera loosely with the other. She returned to behind the camera, leaving her best friend breathless. Marinette returned to the passenger seat, camera still in hand, giving Alya just enough time to compose herself and return to the driver’s seat.

They pulled away from the gas pump and to the pay station, Alya rolling down her window as the young man gave them their price. He leaned a little farther out, looking at their van. As Alya fiddled around for the card with Mami Dupain’s stipend on it, he said, “So, you ladies are from Paris? Where are you two taking this big van?”

“Rome,” Alya replied, handing the attendant their credit card.

“Rome! Ahh, what do they say there? Belladonna. You’ll fit right in, my belladonna.” He ram the card and winked at Alya. She forced a smile and heard Marinette giggling behind her.

As she accepted the card back, she said, “Yes, I hear the eligible crowd is much more on our level there in Rome than you find in gas stations.”

“Uh...well, bonne route,” the attendant said, clearly a little shaken at Alya’s clap back.

Marinette was giggling even harder. But still, both girls chorused ‘thank you’ and the van eased back onto the main road, headed for the highway. “That poor boy did not know what he was doing when he hit on you. La pauvre! But he totally proved my point, before you killer him,” Marinette laughed, “you’re hot stuff! You can get it!”

“And that’s why I need the plaid!” Alya fired back. “I don’t want dudes like that to hit on me. I want girls to hit on me! I can get guys all I want. But a gay shirt says ‘you’re barking up the wrong tree’ and I like that.”

“Then why not something else, like...like an American undercut?”

Alya looked over at Marinette questioningly, then back to the road. They were approaching a roundabout with their exit towards the autoroute clearly marked, fields visible after their exit. “You think I could pull that off?”

“Well, I would never tell you to cut your hair, Alya. You have the most beautiful hair of anyone I know. Color, texture, softness...don’t cut it,” Marinette gushed. “But you could make any hair style look amazing.” Out of the corner of her eye, Alya could see Marinette panning the camera to show off her hair. “Now flip it, like a shampoo commercial.”

“Girl, you don’t need to ask twice.” Alya tossed her hair; the bounce was restricted by her headrest, but it made Marinette giggle, and that was more important than any video clip.

“What about me? Do you think I could pull off an undercut?”

Alya imagined it in her mind's eye. And as Marinette appeared before her with short hair, pushed to one side with that gorgeous fringe, the other side shaved, looking every centimeter as someone who wasn’t straight and every centimeter hot as hell, her throat tightened and legs squeezed together. Alya cleared her throat as casually as possible. “Yes. Yes, you could absolutely pull it off. You should. You should get one.”

“A few kids in my major have fun haircuts like that. I’ve had this length for years...maybe I should do something dramatic.”

“Yes. It will be amazing. Yes, girl, do it.”

Marinette sounded newly confident and she replied happily, “maybe I will!”

“Just be prepared to have to crawl through suitors because damn, you will look hot.”

“That’s the idea of a haircut, right? Attracting people?”

Alya laughed thickly. “Babe, you have never had a problem being attractive. You are the prettiest girl I know.”

“You’re my best friend. Unfair and biased.”

“Nuh-uh, girl. Gay’s honor; I’m saying that as someone very sexually attracted to the female gender. You are attractive as hell.”

Marinette flushed pink and Alya wished she wasn’t in the driver’s seat. She loved to watch how her face changed with a pleasant blush. “Well, Thanks, Alya.”  She fiddled with the camera and Alya knew she’d have to edit that part out. The car was silent for a moment, neither girl exactly knowing how to follow that kind of remark. Usually when Alya said something like that, there was more than fields and empty sky around them. Here, all they had was the toll booth.

They pulled into the toll booth kiosk and Alya grabbed their ticket, ready to be punched when they got off the highway eventually. Taking the opportunity, Alya changed the subject. “Alright, back on the road for another two hours!” Alya cheered.

Marinette looked up from the map and shut the app. “Yep, and we just stay on A6 until we get to Saint Albain. No exits, even. Just….lots and lots of fields.”

“Aw, not all fields. There are some forests.” Alya grinned impishly.

Marinette didn’t reply, but shut off the camera and pulled out her sketchbook. She flipped a few pages and said conversationally, “I liked Auxerre. That was a cute little city.”

“Yeah, it was,” Alya agreed. “It reminded me of the small towns around Rennes.”

Marinette gasped lightly in recognition. “Oh, I bet it did. They’re both very medieval. The tudor, the small streets…” she flipped past her Auxerre drawings and to a new page. “I think I could live in a city that size.”

“Yeah? Wow, I can’t imagine you anywhere but Paris,” Alya admitted, eyes forward.

“I usually can’t either. Paris is my home. It’s my inspiration, it’s who I am, and it’s what I do. But sometimes those rent prices...you know? I wonder how much more comfortable it would be to live in a smaller town where you get to know more of it. Mainly with less tourists.”

“I thought you loved tourists! You’re like the only Parisian I know who doesn’t get mad at them!”

Marinette shrugged. “Everyone in Paris, almost everyone, is there because they love it. We have that in common, so...I can excuse some bad manners. I mean, most of those manners are just people not understanding our culture. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like having more people who know what they’re doing. But they still deserve to experience the city I love!”

Alya sighed. Was it even possible for Marinette to be so loving? So kind? To absolutely everyone?? “Damn. You are something else, girl. You are incredible. If you do leave Paris for a place like Auxerre, the entire city’s level of kindness is going to sink like a rock. Murder will sky rocket! People will fight in the street for no reason! Ladybug and crew will have to work overtime and the Fashion Headquarters of the world will move from Paris to whatever buttfuck city you’re in.”

Marinette giggled, hiding briefly behind her sketchbook. She opened a blank page and started sketching. “I don’t know if I’d ever really move, though. Especially since it really is Fashion Headquarters and no matter what you say, that isn’t changing. But traveling more like this would be nice. Would you ever move?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. My career isn’t tied to Paris or any city; it’s actually best if I get a wide variety of experiences for my writing. I’ve lived in Paris way longer than any other city, so it’s weird to imagine leaving. And I don’t think I could leave you. Or our other friends.” It was really just Marinette. No part of Alya could imagine living without Marinette. She didn’t even want to return to a world without her as a roommate...she wanted to spend the rest of her life bumping sleepy elbows as they brushed teeth, taking turns doing dishes and making dinner, and cuddling much too close on the couch for movie nights.

Fuck, she probably should move out of Paris one day.

“Where would you move?”

“New York City would be fun! Or Los Angeles!” Alya answered automatically. They had played this game before. But life as university students gave the girls different perspectives than they had in lycée and collège. “But definitely a bigger city if I can afford it. Although I can see the appeal of a smaller town, depending on who is with me.”

“Who is with you?”

“You know, if I get in a serious relationship.”

“What do you mean ‘if’? Gas station man and I both just proved you are totally going to find love.” Marinette leaned into Alya’s space, grinning as she crooned in a low, sexy voice, “Belladonna, Belladooooonnaaaaa,” And it was absolutely unfair that her breath on Alya’s cheek and that low voice could make Alya squirm and make her foot push down just a little bit more on the accelerator, but what part of life was ever fair?

“Weirdo,” Alya said, trying to laugh it off as she put her entire hand on Marinette’s face and pushed her away. Her favorite tinkling giggle replied. “I’m just saying, you’re my most stable, longest relationship and that isn’t exactly what I meant.”

“At least you have dated. You were with Victoria for awhile...seven months, wasn’t it?”

Ahh, yes. Victoria. The third Marinette clone in the two years since they started university. Her second longest relationship after Nino, and also one of the most hollow.   “I’m not marrying Victoria,” Alya sassed back.

“Oh, that’s not what I meant. I just meant that you’ve actually had real, important relationships. I’ve dated Adrien and...oh yeah, that’s it. One lycée romance and nothing after that. Just some first and second dates.”

Nine first dates, to be exact, and five second dates. And if she was pressed, the stubborn part of Alya’s brain could probably recall every single one of those boys’ names. “Marinette, if there is one thing on Earth that I know, it’s that you’re going to be just fine in the romance department.”

“Alya, that’s so sweet, but you don’t really know that…”

Alya turned towards Marinette and looked at her seriously, just over the top of her glasses. “But I do know that, Mari. You are incredible, amazing, and absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. You make the world a better place and you make every person you know a better person. Any b-boy,” Alya cleared her throat twice, determined to cough out all the emotion that was trying to betray her. “Any boy would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend.”

Alya was very glad that she could keep her eye on the road and avoid the intense look Marinette was giving her now. “Thank you, Alya,” she said softly. “You’re the best hypewoman a girl could have.”

Gripping the steering wheel a little too tight, Alya replied, “Yep, that’s me. The best damn hypewoman around. I’m printing business cards and everything.”

“I’ll design them for you!” Marinette offered, turning the page in her sketchbook and making the broad strokes Alya recognized as the start of a new design. “Alya Cesaire...Hypewoman. What other titles do you want? Journalist, obviously. Hmm...Ladyblog Editor in Chief… best friend in the world...wearer of amazing hair...Actually, we’ll run out of room on the card if I list all of your great qualities. That’s what the resume is for, right? We’ll just focus on the hypewoman part.”

“I expect 5,000 of these printed and embossed for all my future employers.”

“What, you don’t plan on a life-long career at Buzzfeed France?” Marinette asked, mirth in her voice. “But I was so looking forward to your article on ‘Which Character from Asterix am I Most Likely To Meet In A Shady Bar’!”

“You’re a shady bitch, Marinette. You know that?”

“I thought I was incredible and amazing! Alya, where is your consistency?”

“You’re all three things!” Alya laughed.

The girls continued to talk about cities, moving, and life and slowly, the conversation grew sillier and sillier. Topics flew by almost as fast as the fields and forests. 

They had a long drive ahead of them and many, many more conversations to have.

[thanksfornothinguselessreptile]

A Shifting World Chapter 4: Goodbyes and Departures

First Chapter

<– Previous

Work Summary: Things have been going great since Hiccup and Toothless have defeated the Red Death. He has his father’s approval, a group of friends his own age, and is leading the integration of dragons and the Vikings of Berk. When neighboring tribes call together a meeting to discuss rumors of Vikings riding dragons, however, Stoick decides to keep their alliance with dragons under wraps. Hiccup must decide whether he should listen to his father or seek to teach the other Vikings of the archipelago the truths about dragons.

AO3

Rating: T

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Astrid, Stoick, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Snotlout

Pairings: Minor Hiccup x Astrid

Chapter Summary: Hiccup makes a promise to his best friend. Meanwhile, the twins are the twins and Mildew is Mildew.

Chapter Warnings: Discussions of death and murder, food mention

“You guys are all so lucky,” Tuffnut said as he shook his head at the nearest ship. “You all get to go to the Thing and we don’t.”

“I’d kill for the opportunity to go.” The scariest thing about that statement, Hiccup decided, was that Ruffnut sounded like she genuinely meant it. “The Thing is the prime pranking opportunity, and none of you are going to take advantage of it!”

“We’ll keep that in mind, I promise,” Hiccup said. He found himself regretting that the twins wouldn’t be coming along, even if it cut down the risk of other tribes declaring war on Berk due to missing beards and painted helmets.

Still, with a whole village to terrorize and no one else in their friend group around to entertain them or hold them back, Hiccup was sure that the missed opportunity would soon be a long distant regret.

Luckily enough for Hiccup, if not for Berk, it turned out that many of his friends were coming along, too. Astrid’s mother, Phlegma, was among the Berk Council, as was Spitelout, Snotlout’s father; both had decided their children ought to come along and get a better understanding of the other tribes. Fishlegs, while he had a mother aboard their ship as a sailor, had been chosen to come because Stoick believed he could have potential as a future ambassador of Berk.

Beyond them, all of the Berk Council were going as well. Well, all except for one, who was heading this way with a frown.

Hiccup was suddenly very aware that the twins had seemed to have vanished into thin air. They must’ve pranked Gobber somewhat recently, then.

“Ah, Toothless, there you are!” Gobber said as he wagged the wooden hand cutout attached to his prosthetic arm attachment as he prepared a lecture. “Remember that you aren’t going on this trip, you sneaky reptile.”

Toothless grumbled in irritation and glanced over at Hiccup as if asking him to reverse the decision.

“Sorry, bud,” he said instead, and gave Toothless an apologetic smile. “You know that Dad would kill me if I smuggled you aboard.” And anyways, even if he did go through with showing the other tribes that dragons weren’t inherently violent and were actually amazing, intelligent beings who were willing to live in peace if humans were, he wanted Toothless here, safe, if things went wrong. Again.

Toothless snorted and shook his head, his pupils narrowing slightly.

“Don’t worry, bud, it won’t be for forever.” If Gobber wasn’t there, Hiccup would have told him he’d try and make it so he could go to the next one, too. However, Gobber was still there, listening. He wouldn’t exactly be the sort that would keep quiet if Hiccup started making plans to go against his father’s and chief’s wishes behind his back.

“Yes,” Toothless said with a disgruntled huff.  

Hiccup could understand why. He wasn’t too happy about having to leave his best friend either.

Anything else he had to say, however, was swallowed up by a loud yell several feet away.

“I’m telling you, Stoick, this must be a sign from the gods to give up this unholy alliance with the beasts.” Hiccup had heard that voice enough times since after the Battle of the Red Death that he frowned and prepared to sigh with exasperation even before properly recognizing its owner.

Just as there were dragons too affected by the years of conflict to want to move onto Berk, there were Vikings who resisted the peace with the dragons with their heels dug into the ground. But where dragons were happy enough to avoid Berk, Mildew had decided to make his “opinion” everyone’s problem.

And especially Hiccup’s and Stoick’s.

“If the other tribes catch wind of us ‘befriending’ these monsters–” Mildew swung his staff straight toward a nearby Monstrous Nightmare who’d just dropped off a pallet of supply crates tied into groups with fishnet, ignoring their filthy look “–then we might as well kiss our lives goodbye!”

Stoick, half turned toward Mildew and half toward the freshly delivered stack of supplies, rubbed at his head in a way that told Hiccup that he was sensing an oncoming headache. “You’ve already brought this up. For sixteen Gripe Days in a row.”

“And you wouldn’t listen!” Hiccup winced as the vibrations of the resulting slam of the staff end into the wooden dock made their way up his prosthesis. “But now that the other tribes have come knocking, maybe you’ll finally care!”

Stoick cast Mildew a glare so sharp Hiccup almost expected to result in Mildew bursting into flames without a dragon’s intervention. Unfortunately for all of Berk, it didn’t. “Enough, Mildew. I am sticking to the answer I’ve given you every time before. We are not driving the dragons away.”

Mildew’s voice dropped just a fraction, and turned even more bitter and accusing. “Is it something you’re willing to bet the whole village’s lives on?”

“I assure you,” Stoick said, his voice unyielding, “I have the village’s best interests on my mind. And, like it or not, that includes yours.”

“Besides,” Gobber said, walking from beside Hiccup up to Mildew, “is right before Stoick’s about to leave to ensure we continue living in peace really the time to bring this up? Especially since he heard it before?”

Mildew snorted, sounding for all the world like a particularly stubborn sheep not unlike the one that often followed him around.

“I thought so. Now I suggest you go back and tend to your cabbages, unless you want to help load up the ship.” Gobber used his hand prosthesis to gesture at the supplies.

With one last scowl and “Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you,” Mildew stormed off the docks, staff tapping each wooden board along the way.

“Thanks, Gobber,” Stoick said, sounding more relieved than he’d been since the announcement of the Thing.

Gobber shrugged. “Eh, I’ll just add it to list of stuff you’ll owe me for while you’re gone.” He shuddered overdramatically. “Including the Gripe Days you’ll be missing. Not looking forward to those, I’m telling you!”

Stoick laughed and shook his head. “It makes dealing with the other chiefs seem like a picnic.”

Hiccup and Toothless walked toward them. “Can’t you do something about his attitude problem?”

Stoick frowned and sighed. “He gets under my skin as much as yours, son, but I’m afraid I can’t.”

“What does he have against them, anyways?” He leaned over to pat Toothless’s side, to calm himself and his dragon. “They hardly attacked his farm.” Cabbage, to no one’s surprise, was hardly a dragon’s preferred delicacy. In fact, they seemed to avoid them more often than most other crops.

Gobber and Stoick shared a solemn look.

“You see, years ago he set his farm up there,” Gobber said, sounding like he was getting into a long story that had no happy ending. “No one particularly minded, given he was always that… well, Mildewy, for the lack of a better word.” He shrugged. “And he married a woman who was just as grumpy as he was, and they had kids who took after the both of them.”

If Gobber and Stoick hadn’t looked so serious, Hiccup would’ve shuddered at the thought of a family of Mildews.

“They all seemed happy, though, and they kept mostly to themselves, so everything was fine.” Stoick shook his head. “And then, one day, his wife and children were picking up supplies in town when a dragon raid hit.”

“It was the worst in decades.” Gobber bit his lip. “Our best could hardly keep up defending the town from the dragons.” He sighed and shook his head. “By the time dawn came and they retreated, so many had died, even those who hadn’t fought.”

“Including Mildew’s family.” Hiccup never thought he’d feel anything regarding sympathy for the man, but then again he’d always summed his irritability up to stubbornness beyond the usual Viking levels.

“And that wasn’t the end of it.” Stoick’s tone caused Hiccup to brace himself. “Mildew somehow got it into his head that we let them die intentionally because no one liked them.”

“Well, no one did like them,” Gobber jumped in with a conciliatory tone. “But no one hated them that much,” he added when Stoick glared at him.

“Everyone kind of understood that it was mostly the grief talking, and things kind of died down after a while.” Stoick stroked his beard. “And eventually he ended up taking another wife.”

“And that’s when a dragon came to his farm and burnt it to a crisp.” Gobber shook his head. “Mildew escaped. Not his wife.”

“And after he got over that, he married another woman. She was from the Northlander Tribe, I believe.” He glanced at Gobber as if to confirm.

Gobber nodded. “Aye. And I bet you can get what happened to her.”

Hiccup’s stomach clenched. “I’m guessing not a peaceful death by old age.”

“After that, he became obsessed with killing dragons.” Stoick stroked his beard, lost in thought.

“Not himself, of course.” Gobber shrugged a single shoulder. “Let’s just say he chose to keep a farm far from the raids for a reason. But he bought dragon parts off those who did kill them. Bones, scales, heads, the lot.”

Toothless made a nervous sound, and Hiccup reached over to scratch him under the ears in an attempt at reassurance. “Don’t worry, bud. No one’s getting your head.”

“He was always advocating for crueler ways of killing them off entirely, not just driving them off our land for good.” Stoick frowned. “In any case, any intention he had of making his peace with them died with his wives and children.”

“But now we can make sure that no one else has to go through that.” Hiccup knew that losing family to dragons hurt; he’d lost his own mother to a dragon when he was a baby, and that had definitely stung after finding out that it was the Red Death’s fault. Still, he couldn’t imagine preferring being at war with dragons to the peace they had now over it.

“I know, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.” Stoick placed a hand on Hiccup’s shoulder, being careful not to knock him over. “However, he’s been bitter since the day he was born, and circumstances only made him worse. When you’re chief, you’ll have to deal with worse than the likes of him.”

Hiccup resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Encouraging pep talk, Dad.”

Stoick shook his head and laughed, and the somber tone the conversation had taken seemed to disperse like that. “Next time, I’ll let it surprise you.” He glanced around the docks and the ship, scanning everything. “Well, it looks to me like we’re just about ready to set out here. You get on the ship and I’ll get the loose ends tied up.” With that, he walked off.

Hiccup turned back to Toothless. “Well, I guess it’s time to say goodbye, bud.”

Toothless warbled in a very unenthusiastic tone.

“I promise I’ll be back, with a whole new bunch of stories to tell you.” A gathering of Viking chiefs was certainly never boring, as Stoick had often been inclined to share. “I’m sure you will too, since the twins are staying behind.”

At that, Toothless snorted and rolled his eyes.

Hiccup couldn’t help but smile at that. “You never know, you might have too much fun watching them get in trouble to even notice I’m gone.”

Toothless snorted and shook his head. He didn’t sound particularly convinced.

“It’s just for a few weeks, I promise.” Hiccup held out an open hand. Toothless stared at it and hesitated, then leaned his head over until his nose met Hiccup’s palm.  “Take care while I’m gone.” He let himself give his best friend a crooked, mischievous smile and wagged a finger at him in warning. “And no helping Ruff and Tuff with their pranks, alright?”

Toothless seemed to raise the draconic equivalent of an eyebrow, but nodded. “Yes.”

With that, Hiccup forced himself up the gangplank and looked for a place to sit. It was going to be a long journey.

So this is probably the last chapter I’m posting to Tumblr before the Log Off Protest. While the next chapter will likely be published on AO3 around the same time next week, I won’t crosspost it to Tumblr until the protest is over and I log back in. After that, crossposting should continue as usual. Thank you!

Next –>

[shesdreamingofamonster]

His Queen (IV)

Word Count: 1,515

Genre:  Action, Romance, Mafia AU

Ship:  Reader x Yixing/Lay

Summary: You find out about the events that occurred while you were away, as well as the secret that led to them.

I II III V VI VII VIII Epilogue

“Honey, why do you look so blue, I’m sure he is just busy.” Your mother sat next to you at the table of your vacation home while you meticulously fiddled with your phone. It had been two days since you left. Since Yixing sent you away to safety and promised that he would call you that night. “But he always keeps his promises to me.” Her face made a small frown as she placed a hand on your arm.

“A business trip huh? I could call on a business trip, it only takes a few minutes.” Your father joined you in the dining room, a bottle of soju in hand. He had always been curious when it came to Yixing. Never believing anything that he heard about him. You were his little girl after all, it was only right that he want the best for you. Yixing had told your family that the reason this vacation arose was due to his business trip in Japan which could last for some time and he didn’t want you to mope at home. Of course it was a lie, but you couldn’t tell that to your family. “If that son of a bitch is off doing something he shouldn’t be I swear to God I’ll-“ Your mother sent him a glare from across the table, cutting off whatever he was going to say. Probably that he would kill him if he hurt you. But you knew he wouldn’t. The only reason why he wouldn’t be able to contact you is that something went wrong.

You had called him multiple times, always getting his soft voice on the end saying the same message, telling you to leave your business inquiry and that he will respond as soon as possible. You had also left several voicemails on each of the boys’ phones. Not one person picked up to tell you what was going on. What could possibly have happened? Your head ran through all of the possible scenarios, the worst being that there were casualties. “Please excuse me.” You got up leaving your parents at the table, passing by your siblings who were in the living room paying no attention to you. You hoped that they would grow to at least accept your relationship, not necessarily support it. It seemed that your father may never find it in his heart, always saying the worst things about the man you loved.

You made your way to the patio, making sure to close the door behind you. No one cared enough to follow you anyways. Expecting the same type of message for the hundredth time, you were shocked when Chanyeol’s sweet voice filled the speaker. “Y/N.” It was more of a statement than a greeting. His voice seemed to have an underlying message in it. He sounded very off, this was the voice he used when it came to business meetings, never with you. “Yeol? Thank god! What the hell is going on? Why hasn’t he called? Why is everyone letting me go to voicemail?” There was a long pause before his intake of breath. Your breathing had become shaky, horrified of the possibilities that may have happened. “Can you sit down?” Your stomach dropped and your throat began to close up on itself. This was what people said to prepare you for the worst news imaginable. You moved to the lounger that was to the left of you. “Okay. Yeol?” Your heart was racing in anticipation, his answer seeming to take forever. “Things seemed like they were going to be fine. Nothing out of the ordinary set off anyone’s alarms. But then the gun went off. Out of nowhere.” Tears were welling up in your eyes, “What do you mean the gun went off?!? Chanyeol please tell me!” His muffled sobs were all you heard before shuffling and a new voice met your ears. “Y/N?” Junmyeon’s concern was clear. “Jun! What happened?! Why is Yeol crying?” Baekhyun’s comforting words could be heard in the background, trying to calm the younger boy down. “It is Yixing. There was an incident, no one saw the gun. The wound was life threatening but the doctor was on standby, he was treated as soon as possible. You know his blood condition, which obviously led to more blood loss than it would have for a normal person. He is stable for now, but he hasn’t woken up.” It took you a moment to process his words. Yixing, your Yixing, was laying in a bed unconscious. And you weren’t even there. You were miles away while he was probably so scared. You needed to get to him, to be there with him, even if he didn’t actually know. “Was anyone else hurt?” You needed to know. You could hardly handle the news of him being in this situation, if someone else was too… you couldn’t handle it. “No. We are all fine, it wasn’t us they wanted. They had it all planned. Your kidnapping and sending you back with him. To make him think it was alright. We got some of them, the others who drove away, there is no telling what they will do. The man responsible is dead.” The words were reassuring yet unsettling at the same time. “Send the pilot back. I am leaving. Have him here as soon as possible.” “What?! No, you aren’t safe. They still want you.” Why would they want you? You had nothing to do with it. “What do you mean? What the hell would I be good for?” He sighed before speaking again. “There was something that he didn’t want us to tell you. Made us swear. But now seems as good a time as any….” There was a pause as he gathered his thoughts, “That group doesn’t just dislike us. They want revenge, revenge for things that were out of our control. Yixing had some relations with one of their sisters, he made it clear that it was purely for fun, no feelings involved. Well she didn’t feel the same, and when he denied her, she ended up killing herself. It wasn’t his fault, she agreed to the guidelines he set out before anything happened. In return, they believe the only fair thing would be for Yixing’s life to end as well. According to what I heard, they are going to come back for you too.” You didn’t know how to respond. You knew there were things that Yixing didn’t tell you. Secrets he spared from your ears so they wouldn’t haunt your thoughts at night. But this, a girl who fell hopelessly in love and offed herself because it wasn’t returned, this was something you couldn’t blame him for. If he had just told you, perhaps you could have helped resolve the situation. You never met this woman, but the fact that her rash decision let to him on death’s door made you dislike her even more. You have fallen for people before, people who turned you down harsher than your own imagination could come up with. But to kill yourself because of that, you would never do that. All of those heartbreaks led you to meeting the love of your life. The man who killed people because they threatened to touch you. The man who was paying the price for something he had no control over. And you were willing to risk your life to be by his side again.

“If you won’t call the pilot then I will just arrange my own way to get back. Would you rather I make all of my flights public and my information available for those men to see whenever they please?” You knew he couldn’t refuse. They couldn’t risk your location being traced, or your family’s. “Alright. He can be there within the hour, just tell your family that there was something he needed you to take care of at the home office, information he couldn’t let an underling see.” You agreed and rushed back inside. Your family acting as if you hadn’t disappeared at all. “So it looks like I need to run into the office for Yixing. Important business stuff.” Your father scoffed while your mother looked exasperated. “Now? What about vacation?” You smiled and went over to hug her. “He wants you all to enjoy it, his treat. A way to thank you for letting him have the pleasure of my company.” Your father wasn’t going to let it slide though. “As I recall we didn’t know about him until five months into the relationship. I still don’t know if I like you being with him.” Your mother rolled her eyes, “For God’s sake (Y/Father’s/N)! If he makes our baby happy who cares? He has been kind enough to give us a luxury vacation with her, just back off of him.” With their minds occupied you made your way to your room and started packing up your things. Eager to get to Yixing’s side.

If he couldn’t face the demons that came after him, then you would do it for the both of you.

Next Part

Masterlist

[heliumrelish1-blog]

August 2018 Goals

August 2018 Goals – Goal Setting Using Lara Casey Powersheets – Setting and working towards goals for August and checking in on July’s goals.

Whew. July was amazing/stressful/wonderful/exhausting/busy/restful all at the same time.

I spent most of July in the states welcoming my newest nephew to the family. He’s the sweetest and I miss him already. He made his appearance a few weeks early and it changed my summer plans a bit. I was supposed to be gone most of this month, but this actually worked out better. August is going to be a doozy.

I know that I might be a *little* biased, but is he NOT THE CUTEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN?

Squishy babies are the BEST.

Also, these might be my two most favorite pictures I’ve ever taken. I love everyone in this picture and I absolutely loved watching them become a family of 3.

August and September are jammed packed with weddings and I’ll be spending a lot of time behind the computer.

My time in New Jersey was so nice. Normally when I make the trip, we are there as a family for a couple of days and we pack in as much as we can and while super fun, I leave needing a real vacation. This time, I did pack a ton of stuff in, but over the course of 3 weeks. I got to spend some real, quality time, with people and it was just what I needed. I missed Wes and the kids so much, but it was surprising how quickly three weeks went by.

I was able to see my grandmother almost every day when I was in NJ. That woman makes me laugh. She’s the absolute best. She has a birthday this month, so if you see her out and about, wish her a Happy Birthday.

I spent a week in Annapolis meeting my nephew and spending time with my brother and sister-in-law. I was also there for his bris. It was a beautiful service and I was so grateful to be home to be a part of it.

Then I made my way to DC. I stayed with a friend for one night and then treated myself to a very fancy hotel the second. I could (and will) do a whole post about hospitality. My friend is the absolute best hostess and staying at her house felt like being in a warm hug. It was such a treat. It was also strange to drive by our old exit and be in our old stomping grounds. P.S. DC traffic is still the WORST.

I also went to New York City to have the most amazing meal at my sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law’s new restaurant. I stayed at The Standard and I loved it. It is right near Chelsea Market, I love the West Village, and the views are BREATHTAKING. I have a soft spot for NYC. Even with all of the traveling we have done in the last year+ NYC still holds a special place in my heart.

I ended my trip by getting the worst sinus infection and basically drugging myself to get on the airplane. I’ve been home a week and just starting to feel human again between that and jet lag. Jet lag, man. It’s brutal. I think that it is much harder going west to east for some reason.

A few random things:

– I pretty much took a three-week sabbatical from social media and it was so refreshing. It wasn’t intentional, it just sort of happened. I would talk to my family early in the day because of the time change and pretty much put my phone down for the rest of the day. Turns out, I didn’t miss anything. The world did not stop turning. I spent more time reading and I got a lot of work done. I wasn’t anywhere near as distracted as I normally am.

– I also didn’t pick up my camera for two weeks. After I got back from my brother’s, I put my camera down and didn’t pick it up until I got back to Germany. I think that the weather had a lot to do with it, it was stormy and gray for the last week I was there. I really missed it and was starting to get a little grumpy. I think that when you are a creative, it is super important to keep creating, even when the work feels like it is garbage.

– Tonight we sat around the table and made our picks for our next duty station. It feels like we just got here and started to get settled, but we are already looking forward to what is next for us. Where to next? Your guess is as good as mine, but I will say that the list had a lot of promising things on it and I think that wherever we go next is going to be great.

– It is so hot. The temps have been in the mid-to-high 90’s since I got back. Air conditioning isn’t a thing here in Germany (Europe, really) and I need to do a photography job for a client and I am afraid to turn on the oven because I’m pretty sure I’m going to melt.

July 2018 Goals

Enjoy my time home with my family and friends. – I killed this one. I had a wonderful visit and got lots of family QT.

Read 4 books. – Also killed this one. You can see what I’ve been reading here.

Write travel series. – I outlined it, but it isn’t written. It’s coming.

Plan August weekend trip. – Instead of an August trip, we planned a November trip to Ireland. I’m also working on a possible kid-free trip to England with Wes.

Work on Pinterest strategy. Maybe take a class. Know any great ones? – Didn’t even think about this all month. This is getting moved to a winter goal.

August 2018 Goals

Clean out and deep clean the master bedroom and bathroom. These two spaces are disasters and I need to spend a solid two days sorting, purging, and organizing.

8 weeks of plant-based eating. Wes and I watched Forks Over Knives and are giving the plant-based lifestyle a whirl. The no dairy part is proving difficult, but the veggie part is great. It’s especially hard because I can’t read all of the German food labels.

Order prints for the kitchen photo wall

Take a new group kid photo. I realized that I don’t have any recent photos of my kids. I have lots of them traveling, and a million of them with their dad, but not of just the three of them.

To read my goals from other months //

Source: https://bakedbree.com/august-2018-goals

[finnsjourney-blog]

Danger is my middle name

When I was pregnant with Finnegan we nicknamed him Danger. It popped up when I was searching for baby names one day and we thought it was hilarious. Would anyone really contemplate naming their child Danger? Every week when I would get my pregnancy updates it would say “Danger Olson is the size of a cantaloupe” or whichever fruit was comparable to my sweet boy's growth. It always gave me a laugh.

-

Finn had a tough weekend. He lost his NJ tube, twice, and had a hard time recovering from the stress he went through to get it replaced. Then early Sunday morning he was quite sweaty and his PICC line slipped out. All relatively small things, however his heart condition doesn’t give him much reserve energy to be stressed out. He was clearly agitated, crabby, sweaty and tired. Not the sweet child we saw smiling and playing the week prior. Since he was born I have always been able to console him. By Monday and Tuesday even my touch wasn’t doing the trick.

Between losing his PICC line, NJ tube and our inevitable trip to Mayo for eventual listing, our team decided that Finn was going to require more permanent accessories. The planned to place a Broviac line and GJ tube on Wednesday. Of course, as always, I was upset but knew it was what is best for him. I was terrified because he has not been sedated yet and to do the procedures they need to intubate him. Sedation comes with risks for anyone, let alone my brand new baby with a severe heart condition. My fear was valid. At least I had time to plan and process things. Right?

Finn is impatient. I should’ve known by his speedy entry into the world. This kid wants to be early. Not too early, but definitely before we are ready for him. On Tuesday Dr. Rood called me at work and shared that he was having some significant work of breathing and she wanted to give him additional help. They had already added the BiPAP back earlier in the day and it wasn’t cutting it. Time to try NAVA (Neurally Adjusted Ventilatory Assist). Basically a more synchronized breath on the ventilator. I was already on my way back to the hospital and told her I would see her soon.

When I arrived I saw people crowded outside and inside his room. The big glass doors were open and the first person I laid eyes on was Cheri, the chaplain. My heart sunk and my eyes started welling up with tears. Dr. Rood, several nurses, respiratory and more were there. They had Finn laid flat and were helping him breathe. It looked bad, the worst I have ever seen him. I could see him wriggling and watched his chest retract. He was grunting with every breath. Dr. Rood informed me that I needed to call Jeff and that he needed to be here because they are taking him into emergency surgery. He was getting his Broviac placed immediately. She felt that he needed intubation to breathe and was not comfortable leaving him overnight without immediate access. An IV wasn’t going to cut it. An anesthesiologist and surgeon were there before I could process what was happening. We started talking risks, bleeding out and ECMO. I told Finn over and over again that I wasn’t done with him yet. That we have too many songs to sing, books to read, zoo trips and playgrounds to visit. That we haven’t even made it to the fun stuff yet so he had to hang on. It’ll be worth it, I promised him. Jeff showed up, we kissed him, loved on him and off to the OR he went.

It’s hard to laugh anymore. Especially here in the hospital. One of the respiratory therapists, Sheri, kept talking about how Finn was being such a buggar. That he was messing with all of our plans and making everyone’s lives a pain in the butt. That he was scaring everyone on the floor. They all adore him so much now and none of them want to see this sort of situation happen. I told her it’s our fault. We called him Danger when he was in the womb and he took me too seriously. They all got a kick out of that. He definitely has lived up to that nickname. They laughed and laughed. Encouraging us to rename him when we come out on the other side of this. Finnegan Danger Olson, or if he keeps pushing it, Finnegan Moore Danger Olson. This made waiting a lot easier. Having a smile with the sweet people who care about him here.

The OR nurse called. They had successfully sedated and intubated him. The scariest part was over. Placing the Broviac is rather routine, but still comes with risks. I was mostly concerned with the initial sedation so my fears had been calmed. The surgery was over before we knew it and they were wheeling our baby back to his new room. Room 8. We are back in the center of the action. Our room is big and right next to the nurses station and doctors’ office again. We were back to full time nursing coverage. This kid likes the attention.

There was a lot of work to get him situated after x-rays and assessments. The hooked up a lot of new IVs to his Broviac line, inserted an arterial line to monitor blood pressures and retaped his breathing tube. It was pretty intense to watch. People kept coming and going, reviewing labs, pulses and looking at the screens. As far as I could tell, he seemed drugged up but comfortable. What do I know? Our evening intensivist called for a transfusion. His hemoglobin was low and he was looking rather pale. He needed the extra blood. I was concerned because we had previously been told that a transfusion could affect his transplant status. Dr. Huntley talked me through it, called Dr. Vezmar and we decided to move forward. He quickly improved and his numbers got better.

After an uneventful night and morning Finn went in for his scheduled procedure to add a surgical feeding tube. He did well and now he has two after market accessories that we can go home with if needed. These are more permanent solutions to what we had previously been doing. He is going to need access and nutrition throughout the next part of our journey and hopefully this will make it all easier long term.

Speaking of our journey, we have officially received the green light to move to Rochester. Our team said it’s time, especially after the last few days. On Monday, May 1st we will be on the road (literally and figuratively) to listing our sweet Finnegan for a heart transplant. The process should take under two weeks. We expect that by his four month birthday (May 13th) he will be waiting patiently for the gift of life. It’s bittersweet. I don’t want to leave the care we’ve received here. The doctors and nurses have become a family to us. They love our son and we love them. I’m scared. It’s the unknown. Will they love Finn the same way? Will the nurses hold my hand and sit with me when I need things explained for the 5th time? With the doctors hug me when I’m crying? Will they ask how Asher is and care about us as a family? I hope so. I’ve been told it’s a culture shock and that they do things differently down there. They aren’t a children’s hospital with family centered care, but a hospital. A big machine. But, the machine that will save my son’s life.

April 26, 2017

[revel80r]

On the turning of Scyther88

I met my best friend when I was five years old. at the Akron Chinese Christian Church. On this blog, I call him Scyther88. Scyther, myself, and another guy, let’s call him ‘Mango’, have been the three musketeers for most of my childhood. We’d only see each other on sundays, and sometimes a friday, or saturday here or there, because our families all lived in different areas of Akron and we went to different schools during the week. But oh, the bliss of those sundays together with those two idiots. At church on sundays, we hung out together, we got in trouble together, bullied and picked on other smaller kids together, and all the joys of 90′s boyhood ...together. We definitely had our different personalities too. Mango was the oldest (by 8 days). He was always domineering, manipulative, and was kind of our de-facto “leader” of the little gang. Scyther was always the lancer to Mango’s alpha. He always challenged him, had more of a streak of irony and sarcasm than Mango. He was cool. And then there’s me. I was younger than both of them by about a year. I was the little 3rd fiddle. I just played loyal and loved being with these two guys... complicit in all our stupid sins as a bunch of kids.

We got really, crazy into Pokemon, and bonded over it. To this day, Scyther’s email, gamername, username on most platforms has always been “Scyther88″ or some form of it. Mango’s moved on from his “Jolteon88″ or whatever it was. I was an ‘89 baby so I’m not even cool. Now I’m just reVelstΛr. I remember I was the first to get pokemon cards. Mango and I were at some Chinese church camp, and we both got one card each, he got a machop and I got a charmander. Later, a couple weeks later, I got the old blue Pokemon card starter deck. And I became the cool boy. Mango and Scyther both got rival (and better) decks pretty soon afterwards and the 90′s head fever of pokemon collecting materialism had bitten us, and our parent’s wallets hard. We fought, we argued over rules and technicalities, (the best that 4th graders could anyway), etc. But we were buddies and knew that. Even though we didn’t go to the same schools in Akron, we’d go to each other’s birthday parties, play N64 together, etc. It was the good ol’ days. The best and worst part of it was, the Chinese church met in this very large mega-church building in Akron. Very extensive facilities. And us boys had the inside of the church fully explored and mapped out. We knew the place very well. So on sunday we knew there would be the inevitable time our parents had finished socializing and decided it was time to go home, and do other things. And so, purposefully, to milk every sweet moment of pokemon-card battling that we possibly could, we would hide in nooks, crannies, upper rooms, balconies, anywhere we could find and hide in, to hide away from our parents so we could spend more precious moments pokemon-carding away. Our parents had to send out search parties and scour the buildings for us little brats. hahaa. We’re guilty of many white hairs on one of the assistant pastors. 

Reality hits hard. Mango’s family moved away to Asia at the end of 5th grade, and we would not see each other for a very long time. Scyther’s life hit a very rough patch when his dad’s brother passed away. Scyther’s father got angry and blamed Jesus for the passing of his brother. He full turned away from the faith, and forbid Scyther’s mother and Scyther from going to church anymore. I was young and not aware of such heavy things. but I did remember my two best friends no longer being at church, and I was suddenly a lone little guppy in the church youth group. The youngest, least mature, and most annoying, by many grade levels, to the rest of the church youth group.

I saw Mango once, in 8th or 9th grade when his family stopped by Akron for a visit, and the next time I saw him was in college.

Scyther and his mother would occasionally come to church over the years. Scyther’s father was vehemently against God, but Scyther’s mother was all the stronger in the faith in Jesus. And so they’d sneak to church whenever she can over the years to come. And blessings for me, my friendship with Scyther was intact and I got to have a middle school and high school life with my best friend from time to time, talking to him about video games, stupid jokes, girls, and all other kinds of bad things.

Scyther and I even went on a mission trip together in 2006 to Beijing, China.

In the fall of 2007, all three of us idiot musketeers went to the Ohio $tate University as freshman, Mango, Scyther, and my darned self.

I got in contact with Mango the weeks before commencement, and hung out with him the first day on campus. We both got involved with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and that ended up being our primary community on campus for the next 4-5 years (or on my case, [one of my] primary communities). Scyther and Mango were no longer buddies, no longer close. Mango’s become a popular, social kid. Scyther and I are outcast, and fringe people. I was not aware of this at the time, but Scyther had a very rough middle school and high school life, being rejected and picked on by his white peers, because he is one of only two or three Asians in his entire schools. White people. Y’all messed up. Need to get help. I was not aware, that this messed up my best friend on the inside, as he has a cynical, vengeful, vindictive streak hidden that I either missed or chose to ignore. He became ambitious and focused. So that, one day he will be at the top of the heap, looking down on everyone else who was cruel and had mistreated him in the past. And Scyther will know who had one in the end. That was his plan anyway.

Scyther was driven, ambitious, and disliked people. Mango was popular, responsible, and worked around people. I was a desperate loser junkie who would give up anything to be with people or video-games. 

Guess which one of us dropped out of Ohio State, heheh.

And so Scyther did not like InterVarsity after attending one time, and picked up on the community’s unfortunate clique-y tendencies. decided he was not going to put up with that bovine stool, and chose to attend a Korean church instead. Meanwhile Mango and I became career InterVarsity attenders, becoming leaders in different chapters of IV. Mango got a lot farther along than I did, in leadership and socially, and so it went on.

I am kind of sad to admit that I picked up on signs that Scyther had given up on Jesus very late. He had stopped attending his Korean church, and I simply assumed it was because of the busyness of his schedule, as I had missed many church sessions, although that may have more to do with irresponsibility, though like many college students, I liked to chalk that up to “busyness”. And being roommates with Scyther, we would have bitter arguments from time to time. One time I got so angry, I threatened to murder him, and the dorm manager had to have me stay at a friend’s place overnight that time because of the difficulties in our dorm room. After a year of college I began to realize that Scyther no longer believed or followed Jesus. I was not even aware of my own shallowness and the brokenness in my own pursuit of Jesus, but all I knew was I felt InterVarsity was doing the right thing to me, and I seemingly couldn’t do anything to convince stubborn old Scyther to come back to either InterVarsity or church.

In Scyther’s mind, he realized that being in college, he could do whatever he wanted and was no longer forced to go to church by his mother. He could make his own choices now. And so he decided to not go. And his pains from his past, cynicism and disdain for people, including Christians, took over, and he lost faith in people, community, and Christ. He admitted to himself in not believing or seeing proof of God’s existence. and became atheist.

During all of this, Scyther’s mother remained the strong, strong prayer warrior Christian she has always been. Praying every day for the salvation of her family, urgently imploring God to bring Scyther back to faith. She prayed, and prayed, and prayed.

For many years after that, we had an understanding that InterVarsity and Jesus were just me and my ‘God thing’. but Scyther saw no evidenc, proof, or need for him. There was no way to work around his buttheadedness. Plus, Scyther’s got lots of crap on me, my deepest darkest secret, etc. So it’s not like I’ve been a particularly good, effective, or pure example of a Christian to him. And that was that. There was not much of a productive conversation beyond that.

Scyther graduated from Ohio $tate, and got into grad school in a virology PhD program at Cornell University, while I got academically dismissed, and dropped into crippling depression... Mango graduated and went on to teaching or something like that. There was a drop of contact for awhile.

Over the years from 2011-2016 Scyther and I would skype and hangout online from time to time. sometimes more frequently, chatting and playing vieogames together online every night. Other times we’d go through months of hiatuses from online contact. I visited him at Cornell University in Ithaca. That was a special night as by the grace of the Lord, I got a chance to talk with Scyther about why I believed in God, why I believed in Jesus, and how experienced him. A deeper conversation than the typical StarCraft and World of WarCraft talk we had. In the end, Scyther still saw no evidence, proof, or need for God and I had to just agree to disagree... It’s good. I love him. I love this guy. He is my best friend. He was there with me through much of my shit and depression. Especially that worst period in 2013. 

This year in 2016, I took a very, very long hiatus from video games and much social media. Worked through some of the toughest semesters I had at Capital University, which God has provided for me after scraping and mopping up my mistakes through sweat, blood, and tears at Columbus State Community College... And so 2016 was a banner year for me. Most excellent. I got to go on not one, but two missions trips, one to Mozambique, and one to Taiwan. and after all that crazy goodness, I was brought into church staffship, and finished college in december, finally earning that accursed, elusive piece of paper...

Meanwhile, Scyther was told to wrap up his research, do a dissertation and defense, and finish his graduate school studies. And he did so. And now we all tease him and call him Dr. Scyther. What should have been a joyful, celebratory time, became a disappointment for Scyther, as life after attaining doctorhood was no different from life before. He did not feel any redemption, release, or beams of purpose. Only the emptiness. And so, with his emotions crashing. Scyther realized the truth of life is meaningless. There is no rhyme, or reason. Why spend so much effort building, only for someone else to enjoy the fruits of his labor? What was worth it? We all die and go to the same place, and life is meaningless. He spiraled into depression and decided to kill himself. and with the many years of laboratory experience, he knew exactly what he needed to do to kill himself. He planned it out, wrote apology letters to his mother, wrote one for me, and only found that..... he could not do it. The fear is too much. He is afraid of pain, and confronted with the fact that he did not know what happens to him after he does it. And so, THANK GOD, my best friend Scyther did not kill himself. During this time I was completely unaware that my Scyther was going through so much... Lesson and word of advice... check on your friends, keep in contact with them, ever after you sign off or swear off from social media.. check on your friends. Because honestly, depression and suicidal resolve can come quite swiftly....

Scyther did not kill himself. Thank God he chickened out. One thought reached out to him, The Timothy Keller book he bought out of curiosity on a whim a while ago: “The Reason for God” It is an apologetics book laying out philosophical, experiential, theological arguments fro the experience of God. Very good. Scyther read through it.

One day, in November of 2016, after a conversation with his mother, Scyther felt truth in his mind, that maybe, just maaaybe, God really is real. And that very night he had a terrifying demonic nightmare, as if he was being dragged down to hell itself. Sleep paralysis, the sciences call it. A couple nights later he had another sleep paralysis attack, this time seeing an angry face. He looked it up online and discovered sleep paralysis. And happening so suddenly and coincidally with his openness to the existence of God, a higher being..... He called me and asked about it. Being intrigued, I opened up a little about my own demonic experiences, and assured him that the name of Jesus has power. Jesus has power. Pray, invoke the name of Jesus, and the enemy will flee in every direction from you... We talked for a little while, I mentioned being at the church I was at, and how I was going to a big conference called One Thing in Kansas City that december.

A couple days later, my cell phone broke and I had to switch phones, missing a couple texts and calls in the process; several of these texts were from Scyther, inquiring about this conference, One Thing, and whether IHOP-KC was a cult.

By the time I got in contact with him a couple days after that, Scyther had already figured out the answers to his questions himself. And he was thinking about going. When I talked to him again, Scyther simply told me, unflinchingly, that “God is real. God is totally real. Acts chapter 9. That is all I can say, man.” I really was on the verge of tears, hearing my childhood and best friend, of 22+ years say to me over the phone that God is real, after he had abandoned the Lord and lived as an atheist for about a decade.

And just last month, in December, Scyther joined me and my church going to IHOP’s One Thing conference. It was a beautiful thing to see. His heart was being opened and his character was already different. He had a passion and a zeal for the Lord that I have not seen before. It was amazing. His heart was being opened, and he was being softened to people. My best friend, who in the past hated pretty much every single human being except for his 5-6 friends and family... is now an open, sociable, empathetic heart. I cannot make this up. Jesus is sooooo good and I am so thankful. God’s even opened up Scyther’s mind to the possibilities of prophecy, healing, and miraculous prayer. Things that were strongholds to Scyther’s mind and heart were being unlocked and opened and it is a beautiful, beautiful, redemptive thing to see.

Nowadays, Scyther comes to my church in Columbus, and we are growing, Scyther is growing so, so fast, we are all growing towards the Lord, we are growing together.

I cannot be happier with life.

[natteryaktoadwidespot]

Day 53

Beech:  http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160759628025/the-beeches-spent-their-sunday-night-chilling-at

Hartland part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160795062755/first-thing-monday-morning-aiken-and-arden-hart

Hartland part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160805625205/after-school-teeny-went-out-on-a-date-with

Mann Girls part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160805840255/across-the-road-sol-and-amorie-both-had-to-work

Mann Girls part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160805917200/two-little-beauties-coming-right-up

Mann part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160865788085/trip-mama-is-it-vi-and-ajs-birthday-tomorrow

Mann part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160865984980/scarlett-trip-trip-i-know-im-not-supposed-to

Mann part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160866217700/scarlett-aden-aden-i-know-alright-i-fucked

Mann part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160866485455/aden-trip-look-im-sorry-about-last-night

Mann part 5: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160866579785/despite-the-small-guest-list-the-party-was-a

Mann part 6: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160866591415/and-here-they-are-all-grown-up-violet-lana-and

Sell part 1:  http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160901041580/sunday-night-chez-selllandnewsonland-newson

Sell part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160901198830/in-the-morning-brian-had-the-day-off-so-he

Sell part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160901430920/dream-date

Hart: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160958893215/rhetts-still-getting-used-to-being-retired-and

Cooke: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160975829680/brianna-and-juliette-cooke-are-enjoying-being

Land part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160993857715/sadie-alright-we-need-a-max-plan-because-we

Land part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160994165480

Land part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160996558540/max-joshjosh-yeahmax-go-get-elizabethjosh

Land part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160997201820/after-school-max-josh-and-elizabeth-all-wanted

Land part 5: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160998470550/as-soon-as-sadie-and-josh-had-gone-max-grabbed

Land part 6: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160998582185/joy-and-ivy-day-53

Land part 7: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/160998774765/ive-gotta-leave-right-right-you-really-hurt

Unity part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161033142805/max-is-all-moved-in-with-joy-and-ivy

Unity part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161033333580

Unity part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161033670510/joy-hows-max-been-this-afternoon-ivy-fine

Gavigan part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161096167960/lydia-gavigan-is-feeling-good-about-her-life

Gavigan part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161096397540/happy-birthday-nathan-and-mary-gavigan

Ottomas part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161102511040/the-ottomai-spent-their-sunday-evening-at-home

Ottomas part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161102661005/its-a-boy

Ottomas part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161103006190/samantha-so-have-you-decided-what-youre-going

Ottomas part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161103161515/after-the-family-got-aquainted-with-anchor-it-was

Ottomas part 5: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161103415800/in-the-morning-everyone-headed-out-to-work-and

Weiss: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161124927330/the-weisses-had-a-quiet-day-mostly-skilling-and

Newson, Ginger part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161133891345/shauns-first-day-of-toddlerhood-was-filled-with

Newson, Ginger part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161134511725/davys-not-entirely-sure-exactly-what-this-thing

Newson, Ginger part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161135011885

Newson, Gabriella part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161156229490/gabriella-and-gavin-maintain-an-active-woohoo

Newson, Gabriella part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161156499355/gavin-had-be-planning-to-spend-his-day-gardening

Newson, Gabriella part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161161287140/yep-a-very-active-woohoo-life

Ottomas, David part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161194779410/david-and-pamela-took-advantage-of-peter-hanging

Ottomas, David part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161194949760/date-timeand-then-there-were-chimes

Ottomas, David part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161195004935/edison-can-i-sit-with-you-on-the-bus-today-sam

Ottomas, David part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161195080560/david-took-a-vacation-day-to-study-for-next-next

Gavigan, Isaiah part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161198060900/sunday-evening-chez-gavigan

Gavigan, Isaiah part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161198110045/keturah-daddy-have-you-ever-been-to

Gavigan, Isaiah part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161198492020/isaiah-hes-gorgeous-sharla-sharla-thanks-you

Newson Bellum, part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161206083815/since-its-spring-andy-decided-it-was-about-time

Newson Bellum, part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161206221600/andy-went-to-work-on-monday-and-georgia-stayed

Newson Bellum, part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161206250600/happy-birthday-drew-and-justin-bellum-the-boys

Knowe/Wheels: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161232967500/ida-juana-invited-sharla-and-anchor-over-on-her

 Thyme part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161243337625/hi-spent-his-sunday-evening-swimming-before

Thyme part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161243739590/after-work-hi-went-out-on-a-date-with-beth-king

Printer Sisters part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161290734450/promotion-but-shes-mad-at-her-husband-because

Printer Sisters part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161307841395/dot-so-shes-your-older-woman-john-yeah-dot

Printer Sisters part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161307929380/back-home-amidst-the-chaos-of-toddlers-everyone

Printer Sisters part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161308183375

Printer Sisters part 5; http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161308260985/dot-and-john-headed-off-to-work-soon-after-they

Printer Sisters part 6: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161308345865/the-toddlers-have-moved-up-into-the-boys-room-and

Mann, Candy part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161323022940/gonna-join-me-babe-nah-id-better-get-home

Mann, Candy part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161323434980/candy-managed-to-recover-from-her-cold-overnight

Mann, Candy part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161323484930/dream-date

Mann, Candy part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161323544525/after-gerry-left-candy-spent-her-afternoon

Cooke, Penn part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161325930110/ringo-what-are-you-doing-herejust-thought

Cooke, Penn part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161326255630/i-know-ringo-is-supposed-to-be-their-fathers

Cooke, Penn part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161326569235/ringo-refused-saras-offer-to-stay-the-night

Cooke, Penn part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161327308465/penn-so-what-are-your-plans-ringo-ringo-i

Notes: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161346358810/monday-at-the-notes-was-the-kind-of-crazy-which

Player part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161361579840/don-and-wendy-were-halfway-through-a-date-when-i

Player part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161362588095/don-had-to-work-on-monday-so-wendy-stayed-home

Player part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161363506455/happy-birthday-donald

Newson Beech part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161381775475/garrett-and-rainbow-spent-their-sunday-night

Newson Beech part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161381783355/and-their-monday-working

Hart, Ash: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161384531555/this-was-the-only-picture-i-took-of-ash-blossom

Mander: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161385996325/gerry-had-a-successful-day-getting-elected-to

Hart, Ad part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161392338305/at-ad-and-dawns-on-sunday-night-they-were-both

Hart, Ad part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161397578775/dale-starting-school-day-53

Hart, Ad part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161397638750

Unity, Jack part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161424846905/you-are-stronger-than-you-think-you-are-you-are

Unity, Jack part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161425239685/rose-decided-sunday-night-was-the-perfect-time-to

Unity, Jack part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161425738720/rosie-what-are-you-doing-up-its-morning

Unity, Jack part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161426899700/because-you-can-do-all-things-when-you-believe-in

Unity, Jack part 5: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161427303215/when-the-best-days-become-the-worst-days-what-you

Unity, Jack part 6: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161427729940/jack-rose-rose-sorry-didnt-mean-to-wake-you

LGU:

Part 1: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161429026195/time-for-mary-to-drop-off-child-3-at-lgu-val

Part 2: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161429458180/and-heres-4-they-appear-to-have-grown-up-into

Part 3: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161430770395/and-here-are-those-hart-twins-all-grown-up

Part 4: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161321913020/sneak-preview-of-some-new-students-arriving-at-lgu

Part 5: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161457714350/tommy-sue-luis-whos-calling-tommy-tommy-i

Part 6: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161457882620/leo-decided-to-throw-a-toga-party-to-welcome-his

Part 7: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161469496355/in-the-morning-reuben-went-out-for-breakfast-with

Part 8: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161469618975/dream-date

Part 9: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161470056715/shortly-after-woohooing-maria-reuben-had-to-go-to

Part 10: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161470793805/after-class-leo-wanted-to-throw-another-toga

Part 11: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161626027230/the-first-thing-anna-did-this-rotation-was-to-go

Part 12: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161626404470/and-the-second-thing-she-did-was-to-ask-him-to

Part 13: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161627575980

Part 14: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161657983400/at-the-dorm-the-hart-twins-the-gutenburg-twins

Part 15: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161658774505/after-class-aiken-and-arden-invited-their-family

Part 16: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161660034820/in-the-morning-arden-went-out-to-the-quad-and

Part 17: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161660136060

Part 18: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161700607790/the-first-part-of-this-evening-was-spent-making

Part 19: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161701031345/after-i-was-sure-we-were-cold-free-it-was-date

Part 20: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161701096330/naturally-it-was-a-dream-date

Part 21: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161701201690/hey-mate-wanna-play-those-a-little-bit-louder

Part 22: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161701287640/in-the-morning-after-skyes-class-he-and-jay

Part 23: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161701375965/a-clothing-booths-the-perfect-place-for-woohoo

Part 24: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161701510560/at-the-ianas-sue-had-just-come-back-from-her

Part 25: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161703160150/luis-came-back-from-his-final-with-one-thing-on

Part 26: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161703490400/stuart-just-so-you-know-anna-and-i-are-engaged

Part 27: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161703578770/luis-snuck-out-in-the-middle-of-the-night-to-go-to

Part 28: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161703741695/sue-was-woken-at-4am-by-luisa-crying-to-an-empty

Part 29: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161703872440/luis-has-no-reason-to-believe-his-wife-wont-buy

Part 30: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161703990240

Part 31: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161704036225/sue-went-to-class-in-the-afternoon-and-luis

Part 32: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161704090005

Part 33: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161957103395/date-night-for-leo-and-lily

Part 34: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161957151060/these-two-seem-to-do-an-awful-lot-of-their

Part 35: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161957252080/and-they-ended-up-back-at-the-frat-where-lily

Part 36: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161957338125/in-the-morning-it-was-sals-turn-for-a-date-with

Part 37: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161957438285

Part 38: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161957570215/and-thats-it-for-the-frat-this-rotation

Part 39: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/161976812895/at-the-sorority-the-girls-had-a-quiet-last-day-of

Party 40: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162192748820

Part 41: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162228921700/skye-and-jay-had-unfinished-business-from-an

Part 42: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162229016240

Part 43: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162240592485

Part 44: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162240836545/after-skye-got-back-from-class-it-was-date-time

Part 45: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162241135505/and-this-is-how-they-all-spent-their-afternoons

Part 46: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162241242720

Part 47: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162246217305/is-that-guilt-i-spy-making-you-wash-those-dishes

Part 48: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162246684425/sue-luisluis-si-mi-amor-sue-what-really

Part 49: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162247831800/luis-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-here

Part 50: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162248215275/anna-whats-wrong-you-sounded-urgent-on-the

Part 51: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162248324475/sue-meanwhile-spent-the-night-at-home-alone-with

Part 52: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162249341620/luis-went-straight-from-fannys-to-his-final-and

Part 53: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162249411900/luis-doesnt-she-look-so-grown-up-drinking-from

Part 54: http://natteryaktoad.tumblr.com/post/162249551890/i-accidently-closed-the-pop-up-but-sue-came-home

[emilyanthonycfstuff-blog]

Compassion In The Chaos

My name is Emily Anthony; I am an Emergency Department RN at North Florida Regional Medical Center. This blog is for my Mass Communications class at the College of Central Florida. This blog will discuss the not-so-typical night of the night shift in the ED. Why we do what we do, along with the nights that break us, and the nights that build us.

I am a brand new nurse, graduated nursing school in October of 2016. Many hospitals don’t allow new nurses in the ED because majority of the patients are very ill and require quick, critical thinking and actions. North Florida hired two groups of new graduate nurses in the hope of changing the culture of their department. North Florida put these groups through multiple simulations where they had to demonstrate how a code should be ran, in the video linked below these are nurses I currently work with, all new graduates.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGrDX6II_E8

To better understand how we feel about our job, you must understand a basic day. Those of you have never seen an ED and the chaos it contains this is for you.

Every day in the ED is a roller coaster. On a typical day we walk in to the staff lounge at 1840 ready to hear the scoop on what happened during day shift.  The pre shift meeting typically begins with how many patients we have Baker Acted, this could be violent, suicidal, drunk, arrested,  or in police custody. A baker acted patient must be stripped of all clothing, not have an IV present, if medical monitoring is necessary a sitter, security guard, or police officer must be at the bedside to maintain safety while the patient is hooked up to the monitors.

Shift report will continue with any ICU contenders, patients who had heart attacks, strokes, are severely sick with infection, patients who are intubated and any patients who require one-on-one nursing. On a good day we will come into work with one to two ICU contenders, but the past two months has been anywhere from two to even one day we had twelve.

Next on our list is our room assignments, if we are short nurses this can be tricky on the charge nurse. Rooms 1-8 are our critical care rooms, with rooms 1-3 fully stocked for any emergency situation, ventilators, saws, intubation set ups, catheters, drills, clippers, every needle size made, blood tubes, refrigerated fluids for core cooling and cooling and heating blankets. These rooms are our CODE rooms. Rooms 1-8 are worked as team rooms, the two nurses in 1-8 don’t have set rooms they just work together.  Rooms 6 and 7 are our Baker Act safe rooms, cameras installed in the room, no lock on the door, no supplies, and steel cages that can be pulled down to isolate the patient away from the mounted monitor if necessary.

One nurse in 1-8 is the designated stroke nurse, they have a special phone, they are responsible for going to cat scan with the patient, call the neurologist and stroke coordinator. Rooms 9-12 are isolation rooms, 9 and 12 have a joined bathroom for patients who are experiencing illness requiring a nearby bathroom. Rooms 10 and 11 are negative air pressure rooms for patients who have tuberculosis or any respiratory virus. Rooms 13-24 are everyone else, depending on how full the department is any of these rooms can be a critical room. All stocked with basic supplies, suction, and monitors. Rooms 17-24 also work as a team, these nurses are Code nurses, any cardiac arrest or CODE BLUE on the first floor of the hospital, these nurses are responsible to respond. When times get tough in the ED every nurse, every room, is now a team, a nurse in 21-24 can help the nurses in 1-8.  

This is only a glimpse of the atmosphere in the ED, but I hope it set up a good visual for how we are set up and how we function

First nurse I interviewed is new-graduate Adrienne RN. Adrienne began working just two months before myself and is in the video above. I have worked side by side with Adrienne multiple times. I asked her four questions, which may seem simple but it allows insight into why she chose this challenging career.

Why did you become a nurse?

Adrienne stated, “ I became interested in issues such as women’s health and human trafficking. My eyes were opened to the universal need for medical and emotional attention. I felt led to partake in medical mission trips around the world and share my traits of compassion and empathy with others in a practical way.”

What made you choose the Emergency Department?

Adrienne answered, “ All I really knew when I graduated was that I wanted broad, critical care experience. The opportunity for my job came about in an unexpected way, and I felt sure that it was the right choice. I knew that the ED would be a challenge, but I was excited to take the leap.”

Describe your best day as an ED nurse?

Adrienne said, “I could come at this question from many different angles depending on if I was focusing on the teamwork, the rewarding feeling from helping patients, or my own personal performance. If I had to pick one, it would probably be a rewarding memory of a patient She had just been assigned a clean bed on the floor. She knew she would be transported soon, so she repeatedly thanked me for my compassion and hugged me. She was so moved by the care I had given her that she started crying. Moments liker these are rare, and I son’t even look at it so much as praise on my part, but praise on the part of the patient to have the capacity of thankfulness she had. It was touching and rewarding to know that at least this one person understood  my vision and that I had accomplished it with her.”

Describe your worst day as a nurse?

Adrienne admitted, “ I will never forget that night, my team of patients were angry and seemed impossible to make content. I was doing 100% the most I could possibly do for them, yet they were constantly displeased. One patient actually made a personal stab at me, despite what lengths I was going through to help them. At this point I had to step away and take a five minute cry break. This was the first time I cried at work. I learned that in this profession you give so much mentally, physically, and emotionally to total strangers. The majority of the time you will not receive recognition or appreciation that is well-deserved. I had to decide to keep treating people well, the way I would want my family members to be treated, despite not receiving appreciation. To continue being a caring nurse, I had to find a different motivator other than praise from my patients. This was key for me to not burn out instantly gain compassion fatigue.”

The next nurse I asked is Tara, also a new nurse who is in the video from the previous post. Tara is always a helping hand, first  on the spot when needed, and doesn’t back down from a challenge. I asked Tara the same four questions as Adrienne to get an idea of the differences in these two nurses.

Why did you become a nurse?

Tara states, “ I became a nurse because my grandmother was a home health nurse. I used to go to work with her often when I was younger. I was in a way born into nursing, it was all I ever knew I wanted to be.

Why the ED?

Tara admits, “ It was not a big discussion honestly, I applied for the job, as I did for many others. Mrs Vickie ( our manager) was convincing, positive, and gave off the mother bear feeling which I really liked.”

Describe your best and worst day?

Tara replies, “ I don’t really have a single best or worst night at work. I will say the best nights are hen I can really tell that I made a difference for someone. Shen I see family members a few days after taking care of their loved ones and they remember me and thank me again for all the help I gave them.

The worst nights are the nights I feel like I’m just chasing my tail. The nights when we are just so busy I fell like I ca’t give the care that I know I should be giving, and not able to take the time to connect with the patients.”

I became a nurse to help others. I originally planned a career in Criminal Justice with the desire to be a Deputy. I met my boyfriend in a math class at the College of Central Florida. His older sister was an RN at the time, she would talk about her day when she got home, it always fascinated me. He pointed out that he thought my personality was better suited for nursing rather than criminal justice. I spoke with his sister more, the friends I knew that were nurses and those pursuing nursing. I decided he was right. I began my journey to nursing within months at Rasmussen College of Nursing.

During my clinicals I was able to go to Ocala Regional’s Emergency Department and work as a student for a day. I fell in love immediately, the constant rush, always on your feet never having a minute to over think your actions. It was a simple kind of crazy that was almost relaxing to me.  The Emergency Department is my calling, the rush of being among the first set of hands on a patient as their body fails them. My hands, my brain and my actions save a life every shift I work.

My best day is easy for me. I walked into my shift being put in 1-8 for the first time. I was receiving shift report from a previous classmate. The patient came in with altered mental status, covered in blood and pitch black fecal matter. Which any nurse would start to ponder the idea of a bleed internally. after changing the patient I went and spoke the the doctor who was not convinced it was a gastro intestinal bleed. After simple test it was confirmed, a CT was ordered. I enter a nasogastric tube to decompress his belly, which decreased his pain. Getting all the toxic waste out of his body, he began to regain his mental status. He began telling us about his life and how he has been sick for a very long time and it was his time. My best day isn't about saving a life, it was allowing a man to pass with his mental sanity, being himself one last time. I made it my mission that night to make it his best stay in the hospital. The doctors told me he wouldn't make it to midnight. I was able to get him to our 0700 A.M. shift change happy, talking, and on the phone with family. I was able to give a man his life for one more night. He constantly thanked me for me giving him so much care with no judgment. My best night as a nurse was being there for someone as they passed. Being a happy, smiling face that sat with him and talked about horses, and our favorite vacation spots, I learned that night being a nurse was about being human.  Being vulnerable and allowing another persons pain to become your own. He left the world content and at peace with himself and in his right mind. Easily my best night as a nurse.

My worst night similar to Tara’s have been a few nights. The nights we have standing room only in the waiting room, no rooms available upstairs. We are now gridlocked with nowhere to go. These are the nights our patients are unhappy with us despite all of our efforts, we feel as if we never get caught up with our work. The nights we constantly chase our tails never feeling successful. There are many nights like these, and they never get easier, we just become numb to the rude comments. We all learn to just duck our head and keep trucking along with our duties and our responsibilities to our patients.

Just a few other blogs that I found in my search that talked about the life of an ER nurse. Some more set in on the crazy, and critical moments, the ER is also about comfort and compassion.

http://errn.blogspot.com

http://ernightlife.blogspot.com