#the world can be scary full of scary people so I get it :c we all gotta be careful even if those positive interactions are nice to have

[werewolfdog]

are you and M around the same age? are you "equals" at your job or is he your supervisor or anything like that? i don't wanna be presumptuous at all, but as someone who also gets affected by people caring about them and expressing that, i do wonder if it could be a situation where there could be a power dynamic. again, i don't mean to assume anything bad, it's just something people have had to tell me before, and i hope that it's safe for you to have those feelings, whatever they are :)

He's a fifteen years+ older full time program counsellor and we’re a part time program counsellor assistant, but our roles and responsibilities are fairly the same! I completely understand your concern, though, and I appreciate it a lot. ;; A bit ago, I could sense Sol had a concern similar to yours as well, but when I vented to them about how I felt it's wrong having these feelings and thoughts and I felt guilty + ashamed about them, Sol told me as long as the dynamic M and I have are comfortable and healthy for us, then what we have should be okay! But I think I'm in a safe position! I don't think he's the kind of person to hurt me in any form and degree, not after everything he had done for and said to me thus far.

[lowkeyrobin]

JUICYFRUITSNACKS ; asylum

summary ; you're mully's friend and tag along to explore a haunted mental asylum

warnings : language, ghost talking bullshit

disclaimers ; I only referred to him as juicy bc idrk if he's cool w us calling him his real name and I'm not trying to be parasocial 💪

word count ; 2.2k

y/f/I = your first initial

masterlist

Juicy enjoyed spending time with his boys, a lot. They were the best of friends, after all. But he also really enjoyed spending time with both them and you.

You've known Mr. Mully since you were young. You didn’t know the rest of his friends super well, but you took a liking to Juicy. You and Juicy weren't tight or anything, but you were friends nonetheless.

Tonight, you were exploring a haunted asylum with The Boys and Sam and Colby. You tagged along, wanting to experience some paranormal shit because why not. You’d binge-watched all of The Boys’ previous videos at haunted places and wanted to get a slice for yourself.

The group of you plus the camera people sit on the floor around one of the REM pods, with Sam acting as the communication between worlds. The blonde had sound-proof headphones on, connected to the spirit box in his hand, and a bandana wrapped around his eyes for proof that he couldn't see nor hear anything you guys were saying to the ghosts.

You sat next to Juicy in the corner, being the only person, other than Mully, you really knew out of these people. You intently listen as the guys hold a full conversation with whatever spirit/s were in the room for a solid hour or so, watching as they all freak out after receiving creepy replies or ones referencing their names.

You and Juicy would often share looks or glances, usually scared, confused, or curious.

After that, you split up into two teams to complete challenges around the building. You were with Colby, Mully, and Eddie, while Sam hosted the opposite group with Josh, Juicy, and Narrator.

"We're team Demon"

"We're gonna catch a big demon"

"Yeah, we got big D"

"We're team C(y/f/i)EM." Eddie nods, "C-(y/f/i)-E-M"

"Stop stalling"

"Fuck"

The four of you head over to the men's infirmary, Eddie, with the camera around his neck. Last time The Boys were here, they went down the dark, scary, main hallway with only the flash of their phone cameras. You go all the way down the hall, and all the way back, your only source of light being the camera flashing for a split second.

You and Dos, as the three were heading back, were moving around as the camera flashed to mock a spirit. The boys were laughing about it, still scared a spirit would jump out and attack them. Once they got back and looked over the pictures, they didn't find anything and considered it a mission complete. You, however, wanted to go down by yourself as you'd been hearing whispers almost the whole time you'd been in this area.

You couldn't tell if it was you hallucinating from exhaustion or if you were actually hearing things, but you wanted to see what it was as curiosity always got the best of you. You graciously take the camera from Eddie and line yourself up at the start of the hallway, the boys turning off their flashlights for you.

"Dude, you're acting like a horror movie character" Colby comments with a chuckle, "This is the dumbest shit ever"

"Says you," you whisper, making your first few steps down the hallway.

You can whispering belonging to Eddie behind you, but also some other, unintelligible whispering sounds that definitely didn't belong to one of the guys, nor was it even behind you. It sounded like it was more in front of you if anything.

You squint in the dark, then take a picture, using the flash to illuminate your way forward. You look into the doors on each side of you after progression another couple steps, unable to see, though. You're just trying to find where all that whispering was coming from. It was like someone was moving through the rooms to lead you down the hallway.

You continue, taking pictures every handful of steps so as not to walk into something and know where you were.

"You okay?" Mully calls, your silence giving him a weird feeling in his stomach.

"Yeah" You reply quietly, taking another few steps forward. "I hear whispering. Like, it's not stopping. I wanna find it" You mumble.

"I swear to God, if you go missing, we are not liable!" Eddie exclaims, "Why the fuck are you investigating?"

"I'm curious!"

"Curiosity always kills the cat, but okay" Mully chuckles.

You make your way to the end of the hall, whispering as loud as it possibly could be, like it was directly in your ears. You feel a shiver trail down your spine, and a wave of cold, like the feeling after just opening the freezer, hit you out of nowhere.

"Holy shit!" You exclaim, quickly stepping back while taking a photo, "Uh-uh, nope! Pussying out now, bye-bye!"

"What happened?"

"Are you okay?"

"Dude, what happened?"

You quickly run back down the hallway, not bothering to use the camera flash as they turned their flashlights back on after hearing you yelp and your footsteps running back to them. You quickly hand the camera back, the uneasy cold feeling not having left you at all.

"Holy shit, what the fuck?" You speak, catching your breath as you lean against the door, looking down the hallway. "Dude, I got to like, the end of the hallway and the whispering I was talking about, it was like, in my ears. Then I felt like that kind of cold feeling like when you open a freezer up, like how it just hits you and sometimes gives you goosebumps instantly. I swear I felt like an actual force on my shoulders, I can't even make this shit up"

"Bro, what the hell?"

"You're kidding"

"No way"

"Dude, I can not be more serious right now." You nervously smile, shaking your head. "That's one of the freakiest things I've ever experienced. Like, I'm genuinley scared now, I've never been this fucking, like, paranoid over something like this"

"Nah, I'm getting the fuck outta here" Eddie shakes his head, reaching for the door as you move out of the way for him. Mully quickly follows in agreement, as both of them wanted to go home the most out of all of you.

Dos follows them as they shout for you and Colby, trying to jog away and go find the others in the main building.

You and the leather wearing brunette walk side by side in silence, following the trio in front of you fairly closely. You stand in a circle, waiting for a text back from Juicy as to where they were, not wanting to walk around the whole building in search of them. He quickly makes his way down to you guys, deciding to lead you all back up to where they were located.

Mully and Eddie strike up a conversation while Colby listens, standing next to you, who's staring down at his feet and the grass. You were mostly trying to make sense of what you felt in the men's infirmary, feeling confused and shocked, as that's the most paranormal action you'd ever felt for yourself. Juicy arrives, picking up on your nervousness in silence, yet decides to not point it out while he talks to Eddie, Mully and Colby before you all walk up a million flights of stairs.

Juicy, unknowing to you, was staring at you again. He'd been doing it all night. You were the only person oblivious to it, however. Eddie and Mully quickly catch onto his attracted gazes towards you, though staying silent as they'd definitely be joking about it soon enough to the others. They were talking about it with Colby once you were far enough away, trying to get more people to help with the job of wingman-ing. The brunette quickly notices he's staring and that the others have caught on, and quickly joins in on the conversation, wanting to try and hide the fact he was doing it again.

From sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor earlier, back to even at lunch outings earlier this week, he’s been doing it for a while. He’s a little surprised you haven't noticed, or at least brought it up.

He was so clearly head over heels it wasn't even funny anymore. He was downright in love.

You look back up and then behind you, looking around just to take in your surroundings again. You listen to their conversation, rocking on your heels. Juicy's mind races a million miles a minute, mind cluttered by you, the conversation at hand, and the video being recorded tonight.

On the walk up to Sam's group, or Group Demon, you're the first to walk up the stairs, leading the other boys towards them. You were good at following directions, leaving Juicy to talk to his friends behind you. Juicy and Mully walk up side by side behind Dos and Eddie, a light conversation between them before Mully shakes it up.

"What's with you and Y/n? You got a crush on them or something?"

Juicy, flustered and a bit embarrassed, quickly shakes his head no. "No, no, not at all. What? Why? They’re your friend"

Mully rolls his eyes and Eddie quickly shouts back. "Yes you do! Stop lying to yourself!"

Mully nods, “They’re your friend to, y’know”

You clearly had no idea what any of them were talking about, still leading them onwards.

"Shut up!" Juicy whisper-shouts.

After finding Sam, Josh, and Narrator, you walk into the church and sit down on the wooden benches. Eddie stands at the podium, a large cross behind him. You sit next to Juicy on the right side of the room with the other members of The Boys. Colby and Sam sit together on the left side of the room.

Eddie recites a prayer in Spanish before speaking. "Tonight we party"

The room explodes into boyish cheers and laughter, all of you standing up. Eddie laughs before speaking again.

He shouts, "Sit down!"

You all go quiet and sit down.

"Fuck God!" You exclaim.

"Yeah, screw Jesus!" Juicy shouts

"God can suck my balls" Josh comments with a shrug.

"Oh my God, you're swearing in the house of the Lord!" Colby dramatically gasps

Eddie quickly recites another prayer, asking for the forgiveness of your sins. The REM Pod in the bench in front of you begins beeping, signaling some motion.

"Oh fuck no, bye guys!" Eddie quickly speaks, running back to sit next to Juicy.

"Bro, Mully, sit up" Josh laughs, watching you walk up to the podium after agreeing with the others to have a mini main character priest moment. "Sit up, dude. Service is commencing"

Mully groans. "What?"

"Sit up!"

He groans again as he sits up, no longer laying on the front bench. Josh and Narrator both mock his groan, playfully shouting at him as you clear your throat.

"Good morning everyone! It's..." You look to Juicy as he had his phone on him, which you knew.

"4:25"

"It's 4:25 in the morning. Early service today" You chuckle, "Coffee is right over there" You point to the side where a few trashed cans of energy drinks lay on the floor.

"How much do you dare me to drink it?" Juicy asks you.

"You blink for a moment. "You're gonna get AIDS if you even touch it, but be my guest, man"

They laugh, chanting Pope Y/n as it echoes off the walls.

"Today, my friends, we confront Juicyfruitsnacks and his undeniable crush on Y/n" Eddie laughs, looking over at the brunette next to him.

"Yo, what?"

"Huh?"

"Oooo his ass got caught!"

"You can't hear it but I'm cackling right now"

Eddie quickly pulls Juicy up to the podium with you, pushing you to the side. He stands at the podium with the younger brunette in front of you/to your side, as you both stand confused.

Eddie nearly raps as he speaks. "Today we are bringing this lovely couple together to wed in holy matrimony. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve and keep you; the Lord mercifully grant you the riches of his grace, that you may please him both in body and soul, and, living together in faith and love, may receive the blessings of eternal life. Amen. Juicy, Y/n, would you like to read your vows?"

The Boys laugh as you and Juicy share a smile and laugh as well.

"Since when were we getting married?" You question

"Since I had to become a wingman" Eddie shrugs as he replies. "So did they. Mostly Mully." He points towards the crowd of boys watching.

"What is happening right now?" You awkwardly laugh.

Juicy laughs as well, "I mean, he isn't lying"

The room is now silent.

"Wait, what?"

"Can I take you out sometime?"

You glance over at Eddie and then the boys, then look back at Juicy.

"Uh, sure"

The others explode into cheers you'd probably be able to hear outside, and the older brunette quickly wraps the both of you in a hug.

"Dude, too much has happened tonight, I got creeped on by a ghost and now I have to mentally prepare myself for a date"

"You love me!"

"Love is a strong word"

"They're already having couple-fights!"

"Eddie, I swear to God"

"No swearing in the house of the Lord!"

[smashhed]

|| The King's Gambit ||

🔞 Sukuna x Y/N Minors DNI| TRIGGER WARNING 🔞

Plot: Sukuna in a human world as a mafia boss so things will surely get steamy . Can you handle it ?

Tags- Breast sucking ,killing, mafia ,lust ,revenge ,sex ,plot , fights , gun , gore, action

NOTE : Hey readers,

I just wanted to drop a quick note to let you know that I’m new to the smut genre. Previously, I’ve been writing action fiction novels on other platforms, and now I’m trying to blend some of that action-packed excitement into my new work here. I hope you enjoy the mix of intense action and steamy scenes!

For the love of all things holy, if you're a minor reading this, stop right now. This content is meant for adults only, and I swear to god, if I find out you're reading this, and complaining and crying about it , I'm gonna beat your ass. Stay safe and read responsibly! Divider Credit : @cafekitsune

The city was like a giant maze of metal and glass, full of dark corners and secrets. In the middle of all this, Sukuna, a feared mafia boss, was in charge. His name alone was enough to scare people, and he had a reputation for being tough and powerful.

Tonight, though, things were going to get interesting.

Y/N loved adventure. Her job as a reporter had taken her to some risky places, and this city was no exception. She had heard rumors about Sukuna, the mysterious mafia leader, and she was curious. Wanting to find out more and hoping for a big story, she followed clues that seemed to lead to where he was.

As Y/N navigated the dimly lit streets, her heart pounded with a mix of fear and excitement. She knew this was dangerous, but the potential reward was too tempting to ignore.

Sukuna was sitting in his fancy office high up in a skyscraper, far above the busy, dirty streets of the city. The office was decorated with expensive furniture, making it look very different from the rough streets below. He was looking through some reports when one of his guys came in, looking nervous.

"Boss, we found someone snooping around the warehouse area. What should we do?" the man asked, his voice shaking a bit.

Sukuna's expression turned serious. "Who's brave enough to mess around in my area?" "It's a woman, boss. She seems determined, like some sort of journalist," the man replied, a hint of uncertainty in his tone.

Sukuna's interest was piqued. "Bring her to me. But make sure she's unharmed."

Y/N didn’t expect to be caught so quickly. Suddenly, a few well-dressed but scary-looking men surrounded her. Before she knew it, they grabbed her.

"Let me go!" she demanded, trying to break free.

"The boss wants to see you," one of them told her without any emotion.

They brought her to Sukuna's office. As she was pushed inside, her breath caught in her throat. The man behind the desk was as intimidating as the stories said. His presence filled the room, and his eyes seemed to see right through her.. His penetrating gaze seemed to strip away her defenses, leaving her feeling exposed and vulnerable.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here ?" Sukuna's voice was smooth as silk, yet laced with a subtle threat. "A journalist, nosing around where she shouldn't be."

Y/N squared her shoulders, meeting Sukuna's intense stare with defiance. "I'm Y/N. And I'm here for a story."

Sukuna leaned back, a small smirk appearing on his face. "A story, is it? You must be quite brave or quite foolish to come here for that."

"Perhaps," Y/N replied, her tone unwavering despite the flutter of nerves in her stomach.

Sukuna's eyes gleamed with amusement. He admired her courage, even as he contemplated the implications of her intrusion. "Very well, Y/N. I'll entertain your request for a story. But know that it comes with a price."

Y/N frowned, her curiosity piqued. "What sort of price are we talking about?"

Sukuna leaned forward, his gaze piercing. "You want a story? Then you'll have to play by my rules. You'll have exclusive access to my world, but in return, you'll owe me a debt—one that I will call upon when the time is right."

Y/N hesitated, weighing the risks against the potential reward. But in the end, her thirst for a groundbreaking story outweighed her apprehension. With a nod, she accepted Sukuna's terms, knowing that delving into his world would be a dangerous game—one where the stakes were higher than she could have ever imagined.

Y/N hesitated. It was a dangerous proposition, but the opportunity was too good to pass up. " Fine. I agree."

Sukuna's smile widened. "Good. Let the games begin."

That night, Y/N was given a room in Sukuna's mansion. It was luxurious, but she couldn't shake the feeling of being a prisoner. She lay in bed, thinking about the man she had just met. There was something magnetic about him, something that drew her in despite the danger.

Meanwhile, Sukuna sat in his study, thinking about Y/N. She was different from anyone he had ever met. Fearless, determined, and undeniably attractive. He was intrigued by her, and that was a feeling he wasn't used to.

The next few days were a whirlwind. Y/N followed Sukuna as he conducted his business. She saw the darker side of his world, but also moments of unexpected kindness. He was a complex man, and the more she learned about him, the more fascinated she became.

One evening, after a particularly tense meeting with a rival gang, Sukuna and Y/N found themselves alone in his office.

"You handled that well," Y/N said, breaking the silence.

Sukuna looked at her, his eyes intense. "You surprise me, Y/N. Most people would be terrified in your position."

"I'm not most people," she replied, meeting his gaze.

Sukuna stepped closer, his presence overwhelming. "No, you're not."

There was a charged silence between them. Y/N's heart raced as Sukuna reached out, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

" You should be careful," he murmured, his voice low. "Playing with fire can get you burned."

Y/N's breath hitched. "Maybe I like the heat."

Sukuna's eyes darkened with desire. "You're playing a dangerous game, Y/N."

"And you're enjoying every minute of it," she shot back.

Sukuna's lips curved into a predatory smile. "Maybe I am."

Over the next few days, the tension between Sukuna and Y/N grew. They were like two magnets, drawn together despite the danger. Sukuna was captivated by Y/N's spirit, and she was drawn to his raw power.

One night, Sukuna took Y/N to a high-end club. It was a place where deals were made and alliances formed. As they entered, all eyes were on them. Y/N felt a thrill of excitement and danger.

They danced, the music pulsing around them. Sukuna's hands were possessive on her waist, and Y/N felt a shiver of anticipation. She looked up at him, their faces inches apart.

"This is your world," she said softly. "But it feels like we're in our own little universe."

Sukuna's grip tightened. "As long as you're with me, you're part of it."

Y/N leaned in, her lips brushing his ear. "Then let's make it ours."

Sukuna pulled her closer, their bodies moving in perfect sync. The heat between them was undeniable, and Y/N felt like she was on fire.

Just as they were lost in each other, chaos erupted. Gunshots rang out, and the crowd panicked. Sukuna immediately shielded Y/N, his eyes scanning the room for threats.

"Stay close to me," he ordered, his voice deadly calm.

Y/N nodded, her heart pounding with fear and adrenaline. They moved through the chaos, Sukuna taking down attackers with ruthless efficiency.

When a man with a gun emerged from the shadows, aiming directly at them, Sukuna's response was lightning-fast. He quickly pushed Y/N behind a pillar for safety, then charged the gunman. As he closed the distance, he ducked under a sloppy shot, rolled forward, and sprang up right in front of the attacker. Using his forearm, he blocked another attempted shot and twisted the gunman's arm sharply, forcing him to drop the weapon. With a swift uppercut, Sukuna knocked the gunman out cold.

Another attacker charged at Sukuna, wielding a knife. Sukuna sidestepped, grabbing the attacker's wrist, and delivered a low kick to the assailant’s knee, destabilizing him. As the man stumbled, Sukuna used his grip on the wrist to flip the attacker over his shoulder, sending him crashing to the ground. The knife skittered across the floor, and Sukuna quickly kicked it into a corner.

Y/N, from behind the pillar, watched Sukuna with a mix of fear and awe. His movements were precise and calculated, his expression focused and unyielding.

More attackers rushed towards Sukuna, but he was ready. He swiftly picked up the dropped gun and switched to defensive stance. He fired several controlled shots, each aimed with deadly precision, incapacitating his assailants one by one. The sharp reports of the gun echoed through the club, overshadowing the chaotic screams around them.

Sukuna’s agility and combat prowess were on full display as he ducked a wild swing from another attacker, countered with a jab to the throat, followed by a knee to the stomach, and a powerful palm strike to the chest that sent the man flying backward.

As the last of the attackers fell, the intensity in Sukuna’s eyes faded slightly. He turned back to Y/N, his posture relaxing as he walked over to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently, his tone shifting from the commanding fierceness of battle to concerned softness.

Y/N nodded, her voice shaky from adrenaline. " Yes, I’m okay, thanks to you. That was… incredible."

Sukuna cracked a small, confident smile. "Glad to hear that. Stay close to me, it’s not over until we’re out of here."

Back at the mansion, Sukuna and Y/N tended to their wounds. The danger they had just faced brought them even closer.

"Sukuna," Y/N said quietly, breaking the silence. "Why did you bring me into your world?"

Sukuna looked at her, his expression unreadable. "At first, it was curiosity. But now... it's more than that."

Y/N's heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean?"

Sukuna took a deep breath. "I've never met anyone like you, Y/N. You challenge me, make me feel things I haven't felt in a long time."

Y/N's eyes softened. " I feel the same way, Sukuna. "

He reached out, taking her hand in his. "This is dangerous, you know that, right?"

Y/N nodded. "I don't care. I'm not afraid."

As their conversation simmered with tension, Sukuna's gaze darkened with desire. "You want to play with danger, Y/N?" he murmured huskily, his voice dripping with seduction. Y/N's pulse quickened as she met his gaze head-on. " I'm not afraid to explore every inch of you," she whispered, her words a challenge. Sukuna smirked, his dominant aura filling the room.

"I want to possess every inch of you, Y/N," he murmured, his voice laced with desire.

Y/N's breath hitched at his words, her body already craving his touch. "Then take me, Sukuna," she whispered, her voice thick with longing. With a growl, Sukuna claimed her lips in a fierce kiss,

Sukuna's eyes darkened with raw desire as he pinned Y/N against the wall, his body pressed flush against hers. " You're mine, Y/N, " he growled, his voice dripping with possessiveness. Y/N gasped at the intensity in his gaze, feeling a rush of heat pooling between her legs. "Claim me, Sukuna," she pleaded, her voice barely a whisper. With a predatory smirk, Sukuna trailed kisses along her neck, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. "I'll make you mine in every way," he vowed, his hands exploring her body with a hunger that sent shivers down her spine .

Sukuna's lips trailed along Y/N's neck, his tongue flicking out to taste her like a predator savoring its prey. Y/N's breath caught in her throat as she surrendered to his dominance, her body arching against his with a desperate need. "You're mine, Y/N," Sukuna growled possessively, his voice sending shivers down her spine. "And tonight, I'm going to show you just how much you belong to me." With a hungry moan, Y/N nodded, her desire burning like wildfire

With a wicked grin, Sukuna's fingers trailed down Y/N's body until they reached her throbbing clit. "You like it when I tease you, don't you, Y/N?" he purred, his voice laced with dominance. Y/N whimpered in response, her hips instinctively pressing against his hand, craving more of his touch. "Please, Sukuna," she begged, her voice thick with desire. Sukuna's smirk widened as he circled her clit with expert precision, driving her to the edge of madness with each teasing touch. " You're so beautiful when you're desperate for me," he whispered, his breath hot against her skin.

Sukuna suddenly stopped, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he looked at Y/N teasingly. "Do you want more, Y/N?" he taunted, his voice dripping with dominance. Y/N's breath hitched as she stared up at him, her body throbbing with need. "Please, Sukuna," she begged, her voice a desperate plea. Sukuna smirked, reveling in her desperation before resuming his ministrations with renewed vigor. "You have to earn it, Y/N," he murmured, his voice low and commanding.

Sukuna's smirk widened as he gazed down at Y/N, his dominance radiating from every inch of his being. " If you want more, Y/N, you'll have to show me how much you want it," he teased, his voice thick with desire. Y/N's heart raced at his command, her need for him burning hotter than ever. "I'll show you, Sukuna," she whispered, her voice trembling with anticipation. With a wicked grin, Sukuna leaned back, his cock throbbing with anticipation as Y/N eagerly took him into her mouth, sucking him like she meant it

Sukuna watched with smug satisfaction as Y/N took him into her mouth like a hungry prey, her lips wrapping around him with eager determination. "That's it, Y/N," he groaned, his voice thick with pleasure. "Show me how much you crave me." Y/N moaned around him, the vibrations sending waves of ecstasy coursing through Sukuna's body. "You're mine to devour, Y/N," he growled, his hands tangling in her hair as he guided her movements.

Sukuna's eyes widened with surprise as Y/N suddenly deepthroated him, her mouth engulfing him with a hunger that left him breathless. "Fuck, Y/N," he gasped, his voice strained with pleasure. "You're even more skilled than I thought." Y/N's eyes sparkled with mischief as she continued, her movements relentless as she took him deeper and deeper. "You like that, Sukuna?" she teased, her voice husky with desire. Sukuna could only nod in response, his mind consumed by the overwhelming sensation of her mouth around him

Sukuna's fingers found their way to Y/N's throbbing clit as she deepthroated him, his touch sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through her body. "You like it when I take control, don't you, Y/N?" he murmured, his voice thick with dominance. Y/N moaned around him, her hips bucking against his hand as she surrendered to his touch. "Yes, Sukuna," she gasped, her voice muffled by his length. Sukuna smirked, relishing in the power he held over her as he continued to pleasure her without mercy

With a primal growl, Sukuna seized control, flipping Y/N onto her back as he positioned himself between her thighs. "You're mine to claim, Y/N," he declared, his voice dripping with dominance. Y/N's breath hitched with anticipation as she felt him enter her, his length filling her like never before. "Yes, Sukuna," she moaned, her voice a mix of pleasure and surrender Sukuna's throbbing cock plunged into Y/N's wet pussy, each thrust sending waves of pleasure coursing through her body. "Oh, Sukuna," she moaned, her voice a symphony of ecstasy as he pounded her relentlessly. Sukuna's primal growls filled the room as he claimed her as his own, their bodies moving in perfect harmony. "You like it when I fuck you like this, don't you, Y/N?" he grunted, his voice thick with desire. Y/N could only nod in response, her senses overwhelmed by the intensity of their passion. 

Sukuna's hands eagerly seized Y/N's breasts, and with a swift, decisive motion, he tore apart her top, revealing her pert nipples to his hungry gaze. Y/N's breath caught in her throat as he took her sensitive peaks into his mouth, his lips and tongue working wonders on her flesh, sending electrifying waves of pleasure coursing through her entire being. With each suck and nibble, she felt herself unraveling under his skilled ministrations, her body responding instinctively to his every touch.

"Oh, Sukuna," Y/N moaned, her back arching in pleasure as she surrendered herself to the overwhelming sensations washing over her. Her fingers clawed at his back, urging him closer as she sought to immerse herself fully in the ecstasy of their shared passion. Sukuna groaned in satisfaction, his hunger for her growing with each passing moment, his dominance radiating from every fiber of his being.

"You're mine, Y/N," Sukuna declared, his voice thick with possessiveness as he claimed her with each fervent kiss and caress. Y/N could do nothing but whimper in response, completely lost in the intensity of their connection.

Sukuna shifted Y/N onto her back, his eyes ablaze with desire. "You ready for more, baby?" he growled, his voice thick with lust. Y/N nodded eagerly, her breath coming in short gasps as she braced herself for his next move.

With a primal grunt, Sukuna thrust into her once again, his cock filling her completely. "Oh god, yes!" Y/N cried out, her voice filled with ecstasy as she surrendered to the pleasure of his powerful thrusts. Sukuna's lips crashed down on hers, his kisses hot and urgent as they lost themselves in the heat of the moment.

Their bodies moved together in a frenzied rhythm, each thrust driving them both closer to the edge. "You feel so good, Y/N," Sukuna moaned, his voice rough with desire. Y/N's nails dug into his back, her cries of pleasure mingling with his 

Sukuna's voice was a low, husky whisper against Y/N's ear as he spoke, "I want to make you cum, baby. Let me feel you unravel around me." Y/N's breath hitched at his words, her body quivering with anticipation.

"Please, Sukuna," she begged, her voice dripping with need. "Make me cum hard."

With a predatory grin, Sukuna increased the pace of his thrusts, driving her closer to the edge with each powerful movement. "You're so close, Y/N," he murmured, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine. "Let go for me."

Y/N's fingers clenched the sheets as she surrendered to the pleasure building inside her, her cries of ecstasy filling the room as she finally reached the peak of her pleasure. "Yes, Sukuna, yes!" she screamed, her body convulsing with the force of her release.

Sukuna's cock throbbed with anticipation as Y/N reached the pinnacle of her pleasure, her walls gripping him tightly as she came hard. "Fuck, baby, you're so tight," he groaned, feeling her hot juices coating his dick. With a primal roar, he released himself deep inside her, filling her pussy with his hot, sticky cum.

But Sukuna wasn't satisfied yet. His hunger for her was insatiable, and with a predatory gleam in his eyes, he continued to pound into her relentlessly. "You like that, don't you, Y/N? You want more of my cock?" he growled, his voice dripping with lust.

Y/N could only whimper in response, her body writhing beneath him as she begged for more. With each powerful thrust, Sukuna felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge once again. "I'm gonna cum inside you again, baby," he grunted, his voice thick with desire.

And with one final, powerful thrust, Sukuna emptied himself inside her for a second time, their combined moans filling the room as they surrendered to the overwhelming pleasure of their shared climax.

With a satisfied smirk, Sukuna leaned down to kiss Y/N passionately, his lips claiming hers with a possessiveness that sent shivers down her spine. "You're mine now, Y/N," he murmured against her lips, his voice thick with dominance. "I've claimed you as mine, and there's no going back."

Y/N's heart raced with a mixture of excitement and anticipation as she surrendered herself completely to him. "Yes, Sukuna," she whispered, her voice a breathless affirmation of her submission to him.

Their night was a whirlwind of passion, each moment hotter than the last. They fucked again and again, their bodies moving in perfect harmony as they sought to quench their insatiable desire for each other.

With every thrust, Sukuna claimed Y/N as his own, their moans of pleasure echoing in the darkness as they surrendered themselves completely to the fire of their passion. They explored every inch of each other's bodies, leaving no part untouched as they reveled in the ecstasy of their shared pleasure.

As the first light of dawn began to filter through the window, they finally collapsed in each other's arms, sated and spent from their night of passion. With a contented sigh, Sukuna pulled Y/N close, holding her tightly against him as they drifted off to sleep, their bodies entwined in a blissful embrace.

The next few days were a blur of action and emotion. Sukuna and Y/N grew closer, their bond deepening with each passing moment. They were a formidable team, each pushing the other to new heights.

But the danger was always lurking, and they both knew it was only a matter of time before it caught up to them.

The inevitable showdown arrived with the fury of a storm. A rival gang, determined to dethrone Sukuna, launched a full-scale attack on his mansion under the cover of night. Bullets rained and explosions lit up the dark sky, signaling the start of a merciless battle.

Sukuna and Y/N stood back to back, their resolve steeling them against the onslaught. Sukuna's eyes were ice-cold with focus, his gun firing with the precision of a seasoned warrior, each shot synchronized with his breathing. Beside him, Y/N matched his rhythm, her own gun spitting fire at any figure that dared advance.

One thug tried to look menacing but slipped on his own shoelaces and went flying past them. Sukuna couldn't help but snort.

"Watch this," Sukuna whispered to Y/N as he spotted another group trying to flank them. He waited until they were awkwardly clustered together, then lobbed a smoke grenade. The gang members stumbled around, bumping into each other like characters in a silent film.

Y/N giggled, covering her mouth. "They're like penguins on ice!"

"Cover me," Sukuna said, diving into the fray with a bit more flair than necessary. He rolled, not because he needed to, but because it looked cool. When he came up, his hair was perfectly tousled—somehow it always was, even in a gunfight.

A large, burly thug swung a crowbar at Sukuna, who dodged and quipped, "You need to hit the gym, mate!" before delivering a punch

A thug lunged at him with a knife, slashing wildly. Sukuna dodged to the side, his arm whipping out to catch the man's wrist, twisting it viciously until the knife clattered to the ground. With a swift uppercut, he sent the attacker sprawling.

"Y/N, watch out!" Sukuna yelled as he saw another assailant sneaking behind her. Y/N spun around just in time, her fist connecting with the attacker's jaw in a satisfying crunch.

The air was thick with the smell of gunpowder and blood. Amidst the chaos, a burly figure emerged— the leader of the rival gang. He was flanked by his best men, who moved with lethal intent towards Sukuna and Y/N.

Sukuna met the gang leader's gaze, his expression grim. "This ends tonight," he growled.

The leader smirked, cracking his knuckles. " You're in over your head, Sukuna. "

With a roar, Sukuna charged, ducking as the leader swung a heavy pipe. He countered with a jab to the abdomen, followed by a sharp hook to the face, staggering the larger man.

Meanwhile, Y/N battled two assailants. She ducked a wild swing, pivoting to deliver a kick that knocked the wind out of her opponent. As the second man raised his gun, Y/N grabbed his arm, twisting and using his own body to shield herself as she disarmed him, throwing him over her shoulder onto the ground.

"Y/N!" Sukuna shouted, distracted for a split second as he saw her struggle. That moment was all the leader needed. He landed a heavy blow to Sukuna's side, a knife slicing through his shirt and skin.

"Stay with me, Sukuna," Y/N cried out, dispatching another attacker before rushing to his side. Blood was beginning to stain his shirt, but his eyes burned with an unquenchable fire.

"I'm not going anywhere," Sukuna gritted out, pushing past the pain. With a fierce yell, he launched himself at the gang leader. They traded blows, the sound of flesh and bone meeting echoing above the gunfire. Sukuna's movements were a blur, a ballet of violence, as he parried, dodged, and struck with ruthless efficiency.

Finally, with a powerful combination of strikes, Sukuna landed a devastating blow to the leader’s temple, sending him crashing to the ground, unconscious.

The remaining attackers, seeing their leader defeated, began to falter. Sukuna and Y/N seized the momentum, pushing back with renewed vigor until the last of the attackers fled into the night.

With the last of the attackers gone, the mansion was left in ruins. Smoke and dust hung in the air, and the once luxurious rooms were now a battlefield.

Y/N rushed to Sukuna's side, her heart pounding with fear. "Sukuna, you're hurt."

He smiled, though it was strained. "It's just a scratch."

Y/N's eyes filled with tears as she looked at him, her voice trembling. "Stay with me, Sukuna. Don't you dare leave me."

Sukuna reached out, cupping her face in his blood-stained hand. "I'm not going anywhere," he said softly, his eyes filled with determination.

With a final, desperate push, they managed to defeat the attackers. The mansion was in ruins, but they had survived.

As they stood amidst the wreckage, Y/N looked at Sukuna, her eyes filled with love and determination.

"We did it," she said softly.

Sukuna pulled her into his arms, his lips brushing her ear. "Yes, we did. And as long as we have each other, nothing can stop us."

In the aftermath of the battle, Sukuna and Y/N began to rebuild. Their love had been tested and had emerged stronger than ever. They knew their future would be filled with challenges, but they were ready to face them together.

As they stood on the balcony of their new home, looking out over the city, Sukuna took Y/N's hand in his.

"This is just the beginning," he said, his voice filled with promise.

Y/N smiled, leaning into him. "And I can't wait to see what the future holds."

With their hearts intertwined and their love burning bright, they were ready to take on the world.

Together. THE END { or is it <3 ? }

[qwertycake]

cute squishy platonic otp prompts :) very fluffy and good smiley face

FOUND THESE ABANDONED IN MY NOTES FROM 2021! Some of these are very specific so feel free to alter them to suit your situation/tastes. Some of these are more targeted towards the mundane “imagine this” scenarios which aren’t great for writing an extended piece about but they can still get your creative juices flowing. These are all geared towards platonic and squishy, but I suppose they could be used in other contexts too. Enjoy!

“You’re very good at that instrument, Person A, but please put it away it’s two in the fucking morning” AU

“We went out to stargaze but you keep saying that every cluster of stars is Orion’s belt and I’m starting to think you’re trying to impress me with the astrology knowledge that you don’t have” AU

“You walked into our house/apartment/whatever sopping wet from the rain because you forgot your umbrella, here’s a towel and I’m making hot chocolate by the way let’s watch movies” AU

“That’s a cute bouquet and all but why are the neighbours’ gardens barren” AU

“We’re playing smash bros together on the couch and I’m teaching you to play and you kick my ass and the worst part is that I wasn’t letting you win” AU

“The party’s over and we now have a ton of helium filled balloons hey what if we drank the helium and prank called people come on you know you want to” AU

“We went to a rocky beach and now have a rucksack full of cool rocks that we’re never gonna use” AU

“Look I know it’s two in the morning— hey stop asking how I got in your room that’s not important— I need you to make a Hot Wheels track with me” AU

“We both keep dream journals and are sharing our weird dreams” AU

“We’re performers waiting outside the venue because we’re tired of the loud noise and need a breather, also hey is your group also going to the McDonalds afterwards? I’ll see you there” AU

“We’re camping and a random dog/cat just waltzed up to our tent and we don’t know where their owner is so we have to take care of it in a really small space oh my god” AU

“We’re both isakaied away into another world but you became a cool mage and I’m just Some Dude” AU

“We’ve been trying to get this goddamn plushy from a grabbing machine for literal hours to the point where we broke it and the poor worker, person C, just walked up and unlocked the chamber and gave us the plushy out of pity” AU

“We’re at a library and I’m intimidated because everyone looks super stoic and serious but then you waltz up to me with a kids encyclopaedia of dinosaurs and ask me which one’s my favourite” AU

“We’re having a snowball fight but we both can use insanely powerful magic and end up wrecking havoc on the whole area” AU

“Oh your winter clothes got wet, here have my hat and gloves I don’t feel cold— in fact you know what let me warm your hands for you, give em here” AU

“I’m driving us home from the airport/ferry port/whatever and its late and we end up falling asleep in the car park of a service station. You wake up before me and buy me service station food for a three in the morning breakfast and it’s really sweet until we realise that we still have an hour to go before we’re home ugh” AU

“Can you catch the bus with me I’ve never caught it before and I need to get used to it” AU

“We’re astronauts and we’re going into space together and it’s really scary but you’re pissing me off already and we’ve barely gotten ready for launch fuck” AU

“We both crash landed from a plane into a woodland and are staying in an abandoned shack and chatting over a can of warming beans” AU

“We’re in control of making the new universe and we can’t agree on anything stop putting cat ears on the humans and take this seriously goddammit” AU

“I work at a drycleaners and you’ve been bringing your bodypillow/ahaego hoodie/whatever here for the past three days and I just want to know why please you’re killing me” AU

“There’s only one bed but we actually get gradually more pissed off at one another as the night goes on because you kicked me and I took the blanket and whatever until I cave and sleep on the couch, but you make me breakfast in the morning so all is forgiven” AU

“You look depressed here have a bathbomb go have a bath I insist do you want wine” AU

“You’ve never made a pizza from scratch before? Here let me show you how” AU

“You’ve never played hop scotch before? Here let me show you in public” AU

“You’ve never built a death ray before? Here let me show you— hey hold on stop screaming it’s pointed away from you it’s pointed away” AU

“Mario Maker: Endless Easy” AU

“Whenever we go out to eat you always tell the staff that it’s my birthday when it isn’t and I always get happy birthday sung to me and I hate you now pass me that slice of cake goddammit” AU

[bluemirrorangel]

Ooh for your fic requests post, would you be able to do a Halloween fic with the Poets while still being Anderperry focused? It can be anything Halloween themed like them dressing up, them going to a Halloween party, them reading scary stories in the cave, etc. I just need to see them having fun during the holiday :)

Anderperry Oneshot

Just like a ghost (you've been haunting my dreams)

Neil shook his head from where he sat, shoulder blades pressed against Charlie’s headboard, “Just go without me, I don’t feel too well.” He meant it too. Neil hadn't been sleeping too well for the past week, dreams plagued by nightmares, he couldn’t remember anything in full, just snatches; the crippling weight of expectation and big sad eyes staring back at him in the mirror. Mean-spirited laughter, damp brown hair matted with blood, a figure sobbing above him their soft arms gripping his unmoving chest as his body lay cold and lifeless against the unforgiving ground. 

He woke up the same way every night, A bloody scream on his lips, eyelashes clumped together with tears, his shirt damp with sweat, and chest heaving with unsteady breaths. Really Neil should just stay home, tired in the type of way that set deep into your bones, he was paler than usual, his undereyes marred with dark circles. Charlie looked up from where he was crouched in front of his Chester drawers searching for a flask for his costume, “What? Neil no, you can’t  back out now, you promised to help me steal their pumpkin.” Neil let out a slight laugh “Yeah I guess I did.” Chris looked away from the mirror to level Neil with a sympathetic look “Don’t feel like you have to but a change of scenery might do you some good.” she told him, pushing a strand of sprayed blue hair behind her ear. Neil took a second to think about it, “Yeah ok I’ll go, it might make me sleep better.” he eventually agreed, and she smiled at him before turning back to the mirror and continuing to adjust her thrifted wedding dress.

An hour later found the six of them standing outside Balincrest’s main hall. “Right Men” Charlie started, sounding more like a military general than a seventeen-year-old boy trying to win a prank war. “I’ve hidden all the supplies in this bush, Meeks you’re the lookout, Pitts you’re on teepee duty, Knox you’re the only one with a real date.” Charlie onwards despite the grumbles of protest from Pitts and Meeks, “So you and Chris are the distractions of the evening and Neil is on Pumpkin stealing duty, Neil Pitts the party ends at twelve fifteen so I need you out and at your stations by twelve O’five at the latest ok? We have one shot to get this right.” Charlie said sagely, obviously still bitter about the live chicken the Balincrest boys had snuck into his dorm room. “What about Cameron?” Pitts asked fiddling with the fake bolts on his neck “I told him someone's planning on vodka-bombing in the drinks so he’s inside Guardian the fucking punch bowl.” Charlie said, Knox let out a low whistle “You can’t say he’s not dedicated” he joked, “he’s such a loser” Charlie joked back rolling his eyes but his smile was a little soft almost fond. “What about you?” asked Meeks, sounding understandably put out about having to play lookout at a party. Charlie smirked leaning over to mess with Meek's lab jacket “I, my dear Frankenstein am on graffiti duty.” 

The party was lively, to say the least; people in every corner of the hall, and the floor practically vibrated from the sheer volume of the bass-heavy music being blasted from the speakers. Neil lost sight of his friends the moment they stepped into the ballroom, too blindsided by the music, and lights to pay attention to wherever it was they went. Neil weaved in and out of the people around him before finding solace in a corner of the room occupied only by a glass trophy case. Neil watched the world keep on turning from his place in the corner, he saw people flirting, guys drinking and girls dancing as he got his bearings. A flash of white caught his attention, Neil brought his eyes towards the corner opposite him where a tall tanned girl dressed as Carrie seemed to be apologising to a sheet ghost for stepping on their costume and spilling their drink, the sheet ghost didn’t seem upset at all by her mistake but gratefully accepted her replacement cup all the same. 

The girl walked away clearly still a little embarrassed by her mistake, Neil watched enamoured as the sheet ghost pulled their table cloth over their head so they could drink their punch, revealing their appearance. He was a boy around Neil’s own age, a little shorter than himself with pale skin and soft-looking brown hair so light it was almost blonde. The boy seemed to feel Neil’s stare because he looked up and their gazes met through the glass of the trophy case. 

Crystal Blue eyes met brown, the other boy gave him a shy smile and Neil knew he was a goner. He made his way towards the other boy under the guise of needing a drink himself. The boy was even prettier up close; cheeks flushed from the alcohol, brown hair a little Mussed from his costume, he’s got on another one under his original; a school uniform of sorts, regular black trousers, and a plain white dress shirt unbuttoned at the top and splattered with dried fake blood. His sheet ghost costume is draped across his shoulders like a cloak, upon further inspection it appears to be a regular tablecloth, made of thin white satin, glowing a little where the light hits making it look almost like angel wings.

Neil takes a sip of his drink and winces at the cocktail of alcohol that assaults his taste buds.  the shorter boy lets out a little huff of laughter “What you guys don’t have jungle juice at Welton?” he asks with a hint of good-natured teasing, Neil stops himself from gaping “How’d you know I’m from Welton?” He asks, taking out the cheap spirit Halloween vampire fangs that were currently glued to his teeth. Neil felt ridiculously out of depth. The boy pointed to somewhere in the distance. “One of your friends, the short one kept bringing it up.” he explained, Neil relaxed at the mention of Charlie “You go to Balincrest?” he asks, leaning in closer to hear him over the music “Something like that.” he mutters, Neil chuckles softly “fraternising with the enemy huh?” he jokes finally finding his social footing.  “You ever read Romeo and Juliet?” the other boy snickers back shaking his head “We did Hamlet.” They lapse into comfortable silence as they watch the party roar on, the boy watches as people dance, gaze zeroed in on one couple in particular; a boy and girl dressed as an angel and a devil Neil hears him let out an envious little sigh. Neil turns to him “You wanna dance?” he asks him,  already knowing the answer, he shakes his head “I never dance at these things” he says but Neil’s a man on a mission, already moving off the wall and taking his wrist “come on” Neil says pulling the boy towards the dancefloor there’s a first time for everything” “there are too many people” he complains half-heartedly, as Neil pulls him through the crowd, pulling back a curtain and opening the door to the balcony.

The night  air is chilly against their heated skin, the brunette turns to Neil inquisitively “Why’d you bring me out here?” he asks, pulling the satin cloth closer to himself, so you can dance, there’s no one else out here.” Neil says, wrapping an arm around the other boy's shoulders to keep him warm. The music from the ballroom played faintly, something slow and romantic, “I don’t know,” he says nervously, Neil turns to face him holding out a hand “ It’s just you and me right, you said it yourself you never dance at these things but you look like you really want to, so come on Juliet live a little.” The brunette rolled his eyes but took Neil's hand. “It’s Todd,” he says, bringing his hands to Neil’s shoulders, “Neil” Neil says, Todd smiles “ok Neil, if I start can you lead?” he asks, Neil nods, moving his hands to Todd’s waist. Todd starts them with a very simple, very awkward box waltz. Neil tried hard to keep pace, he didn’t dance often and even when he did this was not at the top of his list, Neil hadn’t done a waltz of any kind since Welton cancelled traditional dance and etiquette practice two years ago Neil had no idea Balincrest was just as traditional. Eventually, the song faded into something a bit more upbeat but just as romantic, Neil quickened their pace to match the music, turning Todd a couple of times when they got used to the change in tempo, he spun Todd away and spun him back in, Todd laughed in surprise, pulling Neil closer when he was spun back into the taller’s arms, the song was beginning to wrap up so Neil decided to pull out a trick Charlie had taught him in fourth year, he span Todd out again and went to spin him back in but dipped him last minute. They looked into each other’s eyes both smiling giddily, Neil prepared to pull Todd back up but was stopped by pale fingers hooking into his cravat, “what are you doing?” He asked Todd shakily. Todd beamed up at him bashfully “Living a little” he said before pulling Neil into a kiss.

They kissed for what felt like forever, moving eventually, Todd was leaning against the balcony railing, satin cloth draped over the railing so Neil had better access. His arms bracketed Todd's hips caging him in while Todd's arms were thrown around Neil’s neck bringing him closer. The door flew open causing Todd to freeze and Neil to spin himself around. 

“Neil man come on it’s twelve on the dot, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” said an irritated Charlie, he was followed by a flustered-looking Cameron. “What were you even doing out here?” Neil turned around to introduce Charlie and Cameron to Todd who must have used the commotion to excuse himself because he’d completely disappeared, his white tablecloth the only proof he was ever even there in the first place. “I just needed some air I guess” Neil lied awkwardly, Charlie rolled his eyes “There’s plenty of air outside, come on you gotta help me move that mammoth of a pumpkin,” he ordered, before turning on his heel, Charlie and Cameron began leading Neil away from the balcony and back into the ballroom. Neil might have noticed their intertwined fingers if he wasn’t so distracted by a photo on the trophy case; in faded colour a group of teenage boys huddled together smiling at the lens, a little out of frame a shorter boy stood, pale and alone, with soft brown hair and crystal blue eyes. The engraved frame read ‘Balincrest senior year 1959.’ 

Neil’s blood turned ice cold.

I hope this was ok :) it's a little different from what I originally intended but I hope you like it anyway :) once again If anyone else else any requests don't hesitate to ask :)

[saltlickmp3]

tell me about christopher ecclestons doctor vs david tennats doctor

or explain what the hell is goin on with the daleks

or you could tell me about (insert musician)’s influence on music

just some options for you to lore dump to :)

RAHHHHHHH OKAY THANK YOUUUU this will be um. super spoilery for doccy whomst.

okayyyy so christopher eccleston plays the ninth doctor who tragically only gets one season AND HE'S SO FABULOUS he's really funny and sarcastic and he says 'fantastic! :D' a lot and is also a massive dork and yayyyy i love him - the interesting thing with nine is that we dont see his regeneration. like we don't see him come into being but its implied that the incarnation before him was horribly injured in The Time War and then became nine, who wanders around alone for a bit racked with guilt and lonely and full of regret and all that fun stuff until he meets ROSE :DDD who pretty much says you're super weird & offputting but also the most interesting thing that's ever happened to me and he's like cool uhm. maybe i do need friends after all so then he takes her on a date to the destruction of her planet to show off that he wasnt kidding about the time machine bit. he also has a really cool leather jacket. and a northern english accent and a sliiiiightly butch lesbian buzzcut. anyways he's very fabulous and also kinda tragic but yeah!! i love him.

BUT THEN universe under massive threat from daleks etc the only way to save the world will be massively catastrophic etc etc so he sends rose home to save her. and she is understandably super upset by this so she ABSORBS THE HEART OF THE TARDIS (pro tip : usually people dont survive that) so she can get back to him, resurrect this other guy who kissed them both and rewrite time so that this will definitely always happen & also destroys a whole lot of daleks. this is called BAD WOLF (<- the capital letters are important. to me.) and its killing her so nine kisses her to pull it out of her (she doesnt remember this) so it kills him instead. then *magicical girl transformation* he explodes into golden light and becomes david tennant!!!!!

david tennant is the tenth doctor and I LOBVE HIM FORVER ADN EVER my specialest little scrunkly girlboy pathetic wet cat terrifying alien guy-shaped-being <33333. rose is understandably like wtf who're you (because the doctor Never does timelord 101 and tells them about regeneration and the two hearts thing) and he is sad about it. so he takes her home. then passes out in front of her mother and sort-of-boyfriend who're also like wtf. anyways he's fine and rose pretty immediately is like wow this guy is actually beautiful & way less grumpy now and they go n do a whole bunch of stuff and they very clearly love each other A Lot (like she loves him when he's nine too of course but it changes) and in my head it's teenage lesbian undefined relationship mutual obsession b/c those be the vibes. a Thing happens and she end up trapped in an alternate universe from which she can never return and the doctor manages to hologram himself in there for a minute to say goodbye and HE ALMOST SAYS I LOVE YOU TO HER but the connection runs out. a lot of other stuff happens and ten is actually pretty scary at points in a way that nine never gets to and A Lot happens to him. my beautiful babygirl she has Every Problem.

see cos the doctor is actually massively emotionally repressed and while nine was a lot closer time-wise to destroying his own planet, ten was coping a whole lot less. ten is often described as the most emotional and most human of the doctors and thats probably true but he's also the most afraid of that vulnerability - he just cant help showing it. he's full of love but he's also full of a desperate sadness and guilt. a lot of guilt. nine has this guilt and the love he just has found a way to not be so raw with it. he is far more measured with his emotions. i reallllllllyyyyyyyy wish we could have seen what would have been done with his character had we got more time with him but alas t'was not to be.

like a good example of that is when we meet nine he's been alone for some time and appears to be more or less okay with that, maybe not super happy but more or less adjusted and functioning. when ten is alone for a while he sort of loses it a bit until he find someone..... like after he and rose get separated, and i mean IMMEDIATLY AFTER, he meets donna who I LOVE :D but he's still so racked with grief that he kills a whole race of spider things and canonically would've destroyed himself along with them if she hadn't been there to tell him to stop. (like legitimately there's an episode, Turn Left, about what would've happened if the doctor died and it's uhm. its unnerving to say the least). ten can't deal with being alone but Also can't deal with loving someone. especially when he is so very aware that he has to lose them.

ten has three seasons & then a year of specials, and he has and then loses the most companions of the doctor and the way he deals with this is Fascinating. he is separated from rose, martha leaves of her own volition b/c she realises that she cant spend her whole life living For Him and that she deserves her own life too, and then he has to wipe donna's memory to save her (she gets it back like. fifteen years for her and ~1000 years for the doctor later but thats a whole thing). like nine does the whole 'no one can get close to me because i will always end up hurting when they die/leave and that will usually be my fault' thing BUT TEN. TEN feels the same way he just can't help himself from making friends and falling in love (grayaroace) with everyone he meets and still being emotionally destroyed when they die. nine's way of coping with the guilt of the time war is to push people away in the first place and ten's is Never Stop To Think Never Stop To Examine Feelings. so yeah. lots of fun.

ALSO the daleks!! theres a ton of lore to them as well, but in short they're genetically modified creatures who have been selectively bred by this guy davros (who has major darth vader vibes. down to the voice and the mechanically supported body) to only feel hate and want to destroy everyone who is not a dalek. they're these weird little things that kinda look like rubbery octopuses inside the metal thing (they're not robots they are actually alive) and they suck. also they're really hard to get rid of like. i swear at least five times the doctor says 'this is the last of the daleks' like bestie just you wait about half a season. the daleks and the timelords (the doctor's species) fought The Time War which really really sucked and they're mortal enemies. so yeah!

[transmutationisms]

i used to use tiktok all the time, it was awful i felt nauseous every time i opened the app bc it was just full of hostility but i started to really depend on the constant stimulation. i think people on here can definitely be a little dramatic about "tiktok culture" and whatever, but i'm genuinely scared of how tiktok changed the way i consume media and process real-world stimuli and such. it's not just that there are a lot of bad takes on there (there are, but there are plenty of other spaces where that's normal), it's that you get so dependent upon that level of stimulation that you can't close the app even when it's making you feel like shit so you just end up immersed in horrible takes all the time. ofc it's a huge issue that goes well beyond tiktok itself, changing landscape of digital "content" and profit-driven internet whatever whatever, increasing popularity of fast overstimulating short-form (often rage bait) content anywhere that there's enough people for it to be lucrative blah blah blah, idk it's fucking scary though

can i be honest though. people have been saying this type of shit about overstimulation, excessive entertainment, excessive sensory input &c about new media forms for literally centuries. i think we can all calm down here. like there are plenty of reasons to avoid scrolling on reactionary profit-seeking cesspits of random dogshit opinions but i actually don't think "irreversible brain damage" is one of the things we need to worry about here lol

[tainted-by-skeletons]

Age Regression in Underswap! (Part 1)

After falling down a mysterious hole in a forest I was visiting, I found myself essentially isekai’ed into an underground kingdom full of fairytale monsters. I am an extremely weak person. So it didn't take me long to give up on escaping. Especially since I do mean weak both physically and emotionally.

“Hey kiddo. You're not allowed to go outside without one of us watching you. Understand?”

I found people to stay with. Two skeleton brothers who had a large house together.

“Kid.”

“Eek! Okay! Okay! I won't! Fine!” I shouted at the tall skeleton.

Papyrus was the oldest brother. He was reserved, but friendly enough, and easy going. I didn't actually like him much. His tall figure and secretive nature were just too intimidating for me. And he knew it. When his younger brother wasn't around he'd use that against me.

“What were you trying to do.” Papyrus demanded in a low tone.

“N-nothing!”

“Yeah. I don't think so. Do I need to-”

“Brother! Are you taking out our roommate?”

Suddenly Papyrus’ plans were interrupted by his younger brother. Sans was a small excitable skeleton who didn't have the best social skills but was genuinely sweet. He was my favorite.

*Sigh*

“No. She needs to go back inside actually.”

“It's fine! Everyone in Sunnedout knows we're keeping her. She still needs food. You hungry human?” Sans asked with excitement.

I nodded and shuffled over to the safer monster. Much to Papyrus' disappointment.

“You wanna go with me again? Why don't you ever want to have lunch with my brother?” Sans asked me.

“I…”

“She doesn't want me to mess with her food again.” Papyrus interrupted.

He may have saved me a bit but that was rude!

Papyrus and Sans are very close. So telling on the scary older brother wasn't much of an option.

“You two will never become friends if you keep pranking her, brother! You should be nicer.”

“Mn! Mn!” I nodded my head emphatically.

“I can't. Her reactions are even more fun than yours. Have fun at lunch bro. I'm gonna take a nap.”

“You get back here! I'm not do- heeeey!”

Papyrus went back inside the house and closed the door on Sans.

“I just don't understand what's gotten into him. Ever since we took you in and agreed to hide you from the rest of the royal guard he's been so rude!”

“I think I'm just too much to take care of. I can't pay for myself and you both are struggling with money because of me.”

“Nonsense! We get paid more than enough to take on a third roommate! And I'm sure we can find something for you to do to earn gold!”

I did actually have a little bit of gold. In this strange isekai world, if I get into a fight with a monster and win by getting them to give up. Then I mysteriously obtain gold in a way I can't quite explain.

“I hope so. It would be nice to be out of the house for a while. I'm not a little kid or anything…”

“You're not? I thought you were young.”

“What?! How young do you think I am?!”

“You look 12 or so.”

“12?!”

“You're not?”

“No!”

“Haha. Whoops! Sorry human!”

It wasn't long before we reached the adorable purple pastel bar known as Muffet’s. I was surprised Sans was taking me there. It was kinda known as Papyrus' place.

“What do you usually eat here?” He asked me.

“Just burgers and fries.”

“Hm… do you think they have tacos?”

“No…”

We went in and Sans ended up ordering a salad after becoming disappointed with all the greasy food.

“Hey! Why don't you work here? It looks like Muffet could really use a waitress. Right?”

“I don't know how to talk to her.”

“You don't know sign language?”

“No. I never had a chance to learn it.”

“Oh… That's right. You didn't. Still! I'm sure we can figure something out. Anyone can translate for you until you learn.”

But there was one more problem. The cute and cozy atmosphere of the bar did something to me. As a child, I moved around a lot. I wasn't able to make friends very easily and when I did I was forced to leave them soon after. Not to mention, my parents didn't have much time for me always moving around. My childhood wasn't a lot of fun and to make up for that sometimes I age regress. I act very childish and demanding. I cry at the drop of a hat and I'm suddenly not able to do most things adults are supposed to. Sometimes I can't even figure out basic problems. I wouldn't be able to work in a place like Muffet's.

“I'm not sure yet. But thanks for helping me come up with ideas.”

“Any time human!”

After eating I was surprised to see Muffet actually come up to us. She signed something to Sans and he responded,

“Oh. Well I'm just taking our roomie out for some food!”

Then he turned to me.

“Muffet wants to know if you like this place!”

Muffet gave me a sweet smile as she waited for my response.

“Yeah. I-I do a lot.”

“She says she's noticed you here often.”

“Oh. Yeah?”

Did she hear us? Is she trying to offer me a job?

Then Muffet reached for her pocket and brought out something I recognized. It was my pacifier.

“Eep!”

I didn't want Sans knowing I owned something like that but it was a really special comfort item of mine. I didn't want it to be thrown away.

“Wait. Why would that be hers? That's a baby pacifier isn't it?” Sans asked.

“Um! I was gonna return it to a friend of mine before I fell down here. She has a kid! So that's why. Um. Thank you Muffet!”

It was a really lame story but I knew Sans would believe me. He's super gullible.

“Oh that's so nice of you! I'm sure you'll get it back to your friend one day! We will figure something out. I promise!”

“Yea-yeah.”

That was close. In the bright and pastel room, I didn't want my blushing face to be so clearly seen.

“We better get back home Sans. I think I've been outside long enough. Thanks again for lunch. Oh. And thanks Muffet.”

Muffet nodded politely and waved goodbye as we left.

[charms-of-earth]

Ok, I don’t know what else to do so I’m writing this all down. I feel like I have no power to alter the course right now, so I’m doing whatever I can to calm down and be safe. This is a lot. When I read 1984, I wanted the love story to happen so badly that when I learned about what really happened and how it ended, I threw the book out the window. I was so angry that anyone would write such a hopeless and bleak world, even as a warning that I just acted out of anger. Years later, things are starting to really worry me about this country and I think back to the book. Three global powers, Russia, China, and the US. Russia and the US are getting all buddy-buddy and China is being seen as less and less favorable as the years go by. Just like in 1984. Always at war with one country and friends with the other, but it changes. Can you see the similarities? Somehow, the reality is worse though. In the book, everyone is taught to incinerate proof of the collusion between countries, or how a few decades back things were different. They were being gaslit into believing that things were always this way. In real life though, we have plenty of proof that Trump has been colluding with Russia. He’s a convicted felon, a traitor to his own country, and people who support him just…don’t care. 

The Republicans are doing everything they can to undermine the Democrats, and the Democrats are being spineless and not fighting back. If you’re too radical of a leftist, that's dangerous and you will be targeted. If you’re a radical right wing however, you have the police on your side. You have Trump on your side. You have a billionaire that owns the biggest social media platform in the world right now on your side. The fascists are getting bolder every year, and the people who have the power to stand up to them aren’t doing that. People are afraid to be labeled as a socialist because of this country’s history with that word and what we think it means. Someone comes along who tries his best to convince the world that it’s not a scary thing and it will do the country good, and he’s not even put on the ballot. We are in late stage capitalism and drastic changes need to be made to keep this country from going full fascist, and the people who are in power are either too afraid to speak up and potentially become a target for abuse and violence, or they support the fascists. If some big changes aren’t made soon, we could go to war with China. We could become a police state. We could be stripped of all our rights. There could even be another holocaust. People like Trump don’t want me to exist. People like him are doing whatever they can to make life for me as uncomfortable as possible. Why, though? So I’ll leave? There’s nowhere for me to go. I have lived here my whole life, this is my home. My friends are here, my doctors are here, all my things, my community. My favorite restaurant, the park down the street, my partner’s place of work that he likes working at. Our lives are here. Everyone I’ve talked to doesn’t want to think about it. People are scared and trying to protect themselves because we’re taught to try and not worry about things we have no control over. That’s the thing though - we have more control than we realize. We are the many and they are the few. We outnumber the rich and powerful by a big margin, and they know that. If we were to ever unite under a common goal (reclaiming our country from the fascists), they wouldn’t be able to stop all of us. They are afraid of us. The people making these decisions know that most people won’t like the changes they are making, because those changes better their lives, not ours. Revolutions mean lives lost, and civil unrest, and political upheaval, so we’re all waiting and holding our breath and hoping for the best. Hoping can’t change the world though. Good intentions can only take us so far. I see the writing on the wall. A civil war is coming, and I don’t know if the safest place is right here, or another country. I sometimes wish I could move to another world, but that's not possible.

[catonator]

You hear about video game development?

Well. I wouldn't say I expected such a catastrophic implosion from Unity.

Now, I can't say that I didn't laugh at the situation. It's a hilariously terrible case of bad management coming up with bad ideas in desperation. But it's also a somewhat scary indication of the sorry state of the industry.

Unity controls about 40% of the engine marketshare (according to a linkedin post I found anyway). Unity dominates the engine scene by a large margin, followed by Unreal at around 30% and Cryengine by around 5%. Unity forms such a large part of the entire game development industry, that it's difficult to really even understand just how much they control the concept of games as a whole!

Most people are jumping to some paid alternatives, like the aforementioned Unreal and, to a lesser extent, Game Maker, but my suggestion is this: don't!

Within the last decade, all-encompassing closed super game engines have become less of a side venture and more of an expectation. Back in the 2000s, there were a few engines like this, mostly amateur ones. Game engines were less creation stations and more of a loose collection of middleware and tools. Purchasing the rights to the engine meant that you also got the responsibility of also tying the engine into something resembling a game yourself. I feel like this art has been lost.

Game engines nowadays are more of a purchase of a passing right to use and incredibly specific, closed set of tools. You don't get to define the tools, and you don't get to really own the tools. It's yet another example of the tradition of the games industry fucking over the customers, and the customers just going with it. Because of this, while Unreal got some free dunks on Twitter for this, I can assure you Epic is planning something equally terrible as Unity's PR faux pas, and it'll come into to play in about 3 years when everyone's just accepted that Unity sometimes financially screws you over.

But, game developers are indeed developers. They know software, and they can learn to make new software.

If you're a game dev and still reading this, I'd recommend taking a peek beyond the curtains of corporate cockfighting, into the realm of DIY game engines. It's a… somewhat janky world full of strange characters with unusual ideas on how much time it's acceptable to spend not working on a game, but it's also a place where you're not being sat on by fatcats.

Just as game engines have progressed in the past 20 years, so have libraries, middleware and resources for independents. Making your own engine isn't just picking up ANSI C and toiling for a year in software rendering hell. Open tools like Pygame, Monogame, LÖVE and Cocos2D (among many, many others) are far beyond just simple rendering libraries and border on being game engines sometimes. The difference is, these tools are open source, and they do not restrict you with what you can do with them.

There are several games you may have played made using these frameworks. Streets of Rage 4 (MonoGame), Celeste (MonoGame), Fez (XNA, aka. MonoGame), Miitomo (Cocos2D), Geometry Dash (Cocos2D)… I got tired of looking up more. There are a lot of games.

The future which I hope to see for game developers is one where you have a large assortment of simple tools you can pick. Level editors, asset converters, entity systems, all small chunks of a game engine you could drop into your own project to slowly build up your own collection of workflows to make games your own way, completely independent of any larger forces on the market.

The support for these frameworks is still somewhat barren compared to Unity, but I believe, that if more people jump to alternatives like this, more tools, tutorials and middleware built for them would start showing up. This is how Unity also got its start, about 15 years ago. You also really don't need all the power in the world to make your simple 2D Megaman clones. The fog created by the monolithic engines we have now have obscured just how simple the building blocks for your favourite games can really be.

It just takes some bravery and willingness to learn a new way to approach making games, but I think the outcome is worth it, even just for you.

[vampyr3wife]

Do you have any lore for your cats?

Oh do I! I actually have a full Peanut lore deep dive here …

This is gonna be very long .

Cleo lore is pretty sweet :3 when I was tiny I was OBSESSED. With cats. Every single cat. Every kind of cat. I mean obsessed… not that much has changed. But I didn’t have a kitty of my own. I begged my parents for a cat for 4 years.. My mom would walk in on me crying in bed about cats LMAO. I would sneak all of the neighborhood strays into my house.. one time my grandma almost got me a kitten for Christmas and my dad said no… HATER. But I was dreaming up a special kitty in my mind. I have vivid memories of visualizing a kitten in the sky waiting 2 be born just for me. Finally the day came when I begged my way into a petsmart kitty visiting room. Cleo was the first kitty I met and even at 8 years old I knew in an instant that she was my baby. That night we watched Pinocchio together on my little vcr and since the kitty Figaro is a boy I decided to name her Cleo after the pretty fish.. they’re both cute n bubbly n sweet! though I entertain the idea that her full name is Cleopatra since she’s so fancy. I always wonder about her life before, she has a broken crooked tail tip and a skill for opening doors. In fact, certain handle styles I have to install lock chains on or she will get out literally just to go to my bedroom window and cry for me like a baby. She doesn’t do it much anymore though, she knows if she cries I’ll open it for her lol. She is incredibly smart. She’s a very sassy girl and there’s only a handful of people she won’t show attitude to. She’s like a sweet little ragdoll with me, I can grab her n cuddle her up like a baby whenever but .. she can get pretty scary with other people n won’t let them pet her for long. She gets very jealous as well, of people and other cats. She has so many lovely little quirks, she loves when I talk in a super high squeaky voice, it makes her go crazy… she’s obsessed with the 90’s my little pony toys, she will grab them from my room and start rolling in their hair and licking it like it’s her baby.. she loves butt pats the most and always comes when I call her name. We never go long without having giant cuddle fests.. she loves 2 get all up in my face and paw at me. She’s actually cuddled up purring next 2 me as I write this :D she is my baby.. she is my soul.. my blood.. we are one.

I found The Boy, the only boy in the world, my baby baby boy, Loki boy when I was 13 at a little rescue event where they bring the kitties out. I saw his little red nose and how shy n sweet he was with the other kitties and I just fell absolutely in love with him. So again I begged. Like I was begging for my life. I even got in contact with his foster mom behind my parents backs to keep getting pics of him and find out when the next events were. Through her I learned that he was found abandoned in a box with his 2 sisters inside of a barn. He’s the bestest big and little brother ever.. he’s also the most mischievous playful boy ever. He has always reminded me of a little kitty Peter Pan but I didn’t rlly want to call him Peter so I named him after the Norse god of mischief.. Loki! I wish I could somehow show u how wonderful his heart is. He definitely has some kitty anxiety but he loves everyone and everything. He rescues Cleo whenever she’s stuck in a room by alerting me, he talks to Peanut through the door, he greets my guests, n he has had playdates with kittens. He cuddles with his toys and he loves being tucked in under blankets. He has the sweetest funniest Siamese like meow and is VERY talkative. He has an array of noises, sighs, and purrs the easiest out of all the kitties… n he gets the tail shakes when he’s excited :3 He always jumps up on his hind legs to reach my hands and he LOVES to spoon. He DEMANDS to be little spoon nightly. He’s my little wolf cat. Rabbit hearted deer hearted baby. You know that one post that’s like “the relationship between a girl and her boy cat is akin to Mary and Jesus”

[accirax]

hi accirax. multiple months late apology to never responding to your theory part i got tired (i am the laziest girl in the world). my bad. probably should have sent you this earlier. anyway remember when i said i felt weird when i first got your response to my theory. you'll never believe what happened when i submitted my story for critique

hi vivazaki!!! no worries on not responding to that theory. to be honest, i'd assumed we'd just reached the point where there wasn't much more to be discussed without the plot progressing to give us more evidence. i too am terrible at remembering/mustering the courage to send people messages, so don't feel bad about that at all.

i'm sorry you (presumably) felt weird again when submitting your story :( putting your work up for critique is always scary, especially if you're extra sensitive to potential rejection. i know there was at least one time when i cried in class due to receiving less-than-stellar feedback on my art. so, it's totally normal to freak out a little bit when subjecting such a personal part of yourself to scrutiny! hopefully in the future you can either find yourself in a position where you won't have to be critiqued too often, or you can (mostly) find peace in knowing that most people who critique your art are doing so from a place of enthusiasm and wanting to see your creative work progress even further, and not hatred. although, if the person you submitted your story to was just being a hater, then i send my politest "fuck you" to them.

i'm so excited for the return of both DRDT (obviously, i made a whole post about it) and P:EG (which i am ALSO working on a post on rn!). the DRDT fandom definitely felt a little low power mode these past couple of months (understandably), so i'm really looking forward to when we're all buzzing with theories and analysis again. i've already seen a lot more art circulating around than i did the past couple of months, and it's all really great! hopefully i'll have the time to draw something DRDT-related again soon; i miss those guys.

P:EG, on the other hand, will be awesome to have those communities form for the first time! obviously, there are people who have already been making art and theories for this past year and a half(?) (myself included). but, once we have an entire chapter's worth of information about the cast, i can only imagine that things will pop off and solidify even more. not to mention, chapter 1 will presumably come with EVERYONE'S full set of FTEs??? that's insane. not only do we get the mystery and whatever but we can unlock literally everyone's trauma. that's gonna be so important when it comes to determining a mastermind or whatever.

i don't know much about kill/cure-- although i did watch the trailer yesterday-- but i'm sure that'll be cool as well! it's always great to see more fangans go into production, especially actually playable ones. i know from personal experience that making a fangan teaches you a hell of a lot about what goes into making a good story, so i'm glad that more people will be able to learn from experience in that way. means that there might be more danganronpa-y works from former fangan authors in the future, y'know? >:)c

[thesinglesjukebox]

WEYES BLOOD - "GOD TURN ME INTO A FLOWER"

Josh Winters recommends some mythological floral folk...

[6.14]

Josh Winters: I never thought that, in my lifetime, I would experience the threat of war looming above my homeland or the menace of institutional collapse in our society, and I have been fortunate to live this long without those external fears running through my veins. Then again, as lucid as ever, my conscience tells me that I may not have been grounded in the parts of recent history that have led to the great unknown we find ourselves in now. It's not that I ignored or denied the many tragedies occurring in our world; it's that my preoccupation with reaching the sublime took hold as a baby adult spreading their wings and trying to make some dreams happen. In the past two years, I've experienced the slow death of those dreams, which has been the same as the death of a sense of self that was going to save me from all my suffering. New life and new goals have emerged out of that period, but ever since my visceral sense of mortality hit me the moment I turned 28, there's not a day that goes by where I'm not thinking about death, with the hope that I (and we) will be able to live long enough to experience a whole, rich life on this earth. It's not sincerity that's scary to me; it's the possibility that we may withhold our sincerity from the ones we love before it's too late. I had to learn the hard way, but I'm grateful to understand and embrace that life is about other people: our friends and loved ones, at the very least. I hope I'll become full enough to give myself away generously in the way that art, music, and nature have given an immeasurable amount to me. [10]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: This left me completely cold until I walked through Oakland at dusk on a warm winter's day, ensorceled by the wonder of the world around me. Then I got it. Still not quite as good as "Movies", though. [6]

Dorian Sinclair: And In The Darkness, Hearts Aglow is a gorgeous album, and "God Turn Me Into a Flower" has many beautiful passages that recall the things about that record I found so appealing. But it's a little too languid and formless, and the gentleness of the composition feels at odds with the intensity of some of the lyrics, particularly the second verse. For 15 or 30 seconds at a time, I can be swept away by the beauty in the song, but when I step back and consider it as a whole, its shortcomings are harder to ignore. [5]

Hannah Jocelyn: Weyes Blood's voice is mesmerizing as ever: in the lineage of Karen Carpenter and Vashti Bunyan, but definitely post-Polachek in its slight auto-yodel. I love how she merges with the horns right at the end of the track, aware her voice is as mellifluous as a reverberating ambient pad. As for everything else, I have to quote a certain critic on some other '70s songwriters: "Melodic." [5]

Brad Shoup: A true but thuddingly banal sentiment--a Serenity Prayer for anyone who's legitimately asked themselves "am I too online?"--presented with the solemnity of a folk hymn, and garlanded with nature sounds like a new-age album c. 1992. [4]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Steadfast until it's not, "God Turn Me Into a Flower" wants both the dignity of a hymn and the chintzy splendor of a new age retread. The existence of a new Virginia Astley album clarified for me that this shouldn't split the difference between the ceremonious and gaudy; both moods only come together here to make the conceptual more needlessly literal. Most painful is the Leaving Records-informed ambiance. If Weyes Blood is the flower, her light source is a, sigh, New Blue Sun. [5]

Michael Hong: I like the parts where this gets ugly. "You shatter easily," she sings, stretching her voice into as harsh of a wail as the song will allow. It otherwise feels like just heart aglow, rather than heart set aflame. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: A gorgeous phototropism hymn, all the more so for its languid runtime. Flowers don't turn into themselves quickly, either. [9]

Micha Cavaseno: The crescendo on this sounds like that one TikTok cover of the "Girl It's You" song. Somehow that song has far less instrumentation in its arrangement, though it was presumably just remade by someone in their bedroom, and conveys a lot more emotion than Natalie Mering's pulling off here. So many musicians were asked to make this song feel like it was anything of note, but ultimately I can only think about how nothing this vocal performance is. It's like if you asked Lana del Rey to become far more anodyne, but half as competent. [2]

Kat Stevens: I waited and waited for the big belting "...cos I am your LAYYYYDAYYYYY, and you are my MA-A-AN" but it never arrived :( [5]

Nortey Dowuona: The organ played by Weyes takes up a massive amount of space in the mix, even beginning to fade the lyrics above it. The echoing vocals from Ben Babbitt atop it can't even squeak in, and the shrieks of Daniel Lopatin's synths just bubble up and disappear. Cornella Babbitt's cello and Charlie Bisharat's electric violin also billow below but can't seem to squeeze past. I mean, it's great, it sounds amazing, I just want to know what happened. [10]

Ian Mathers: "God Turn Me Into a Flower" works so much better for me when I watch the video instead of just listening to the song. There's something about the contrast of the beautiful, opaque music and the more overtly intense images (and how their subject matter and sources vary so widely, and yet still work) that gives the track an oomph I don't get from it when I try and listen to it on its own. I wind up drifting without the images to focus me, especially during that gorgeous long fade at the end. [7]

Alfred Soto: I admire her concentration and purity of tone, neither of which she loses here. But she puts both in the service of a drone requiring more spit and fire. [4]

Tara Hillegeist: It's tempting to hear such an attempt at the kind of sincerity that deserves the adjective "aching" and sneer away from it: to make a scaffold of the reflex that pulls me, flinching, away from the melodrama of it all. There's none of the corpse-rot that makes Mitski's similar songs feel wise enough to excuse its simplicity, only an endlessly swelling moan that dissolves into birdsong, a gesture so cloying it prompts the question of how naive Weyes Blood actually expect me to be about all this. But when I was a child, the first girl I ever loved told me there were trolls living between the trees, and if I chased her deep enough into the woods, she'd show me how to see the hidden places where they slept, too. I figured she was lying, even then -- even so, I still reckoned it was worth the risk of falling for it anyway, if I was worth the risk, to her, of believing I was worth trying to convince. It's been a long time since I lived anywhere near a forest, but I still look out over the dark stiff rows of trees from the windows of passing trains sometimes, and I wonder if someday I might see a troll, looking back. Is that such a selfish dream to have, do you think? [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[cescalr]

Hey. psst. Playlists.

Preamble:

The only ones that preview even a little well are Slime's and Niki's, because they're roughly around the 100 mark (which is really only bc they're unfinished); most have over 200 songs in 'em, so following the link to the full list would be best practise. Fundy's is kind of... bad. Idk him very well yet. But, you know. This stuff takes time. Also, just as a casual, but firm reminder - no rpf, never rpf, fictional characters are not real and it's not immoral to treat improvised fiction as just as fandom-able as fully scripted fiction. Just because the media is gameplay and not television doesn't make it any less valid. Just because the actors aren't professionals doesn't mean they're doing these things in their real lives. Or do you think Tubbo set of actual nukes? C'mon guys. It's been a dacade; mcrp is here to stay. Treat it as you treat Red and Blue, or RWBY, or any other numerous other webseries. Shipping is fine. calm down about it.

(I stated all that because i have character dynamic playlists, some of which are romantically inclined, and a number of the songs within the playlists for individual characters reference canonical or canon-adjacent relations with others of that nature, alongside the platonic and familial. For a second note, no, not all ships are perfectly pure and upstanding. Fiction is fiction. I'm here for an interesting story, not a moral lesson. Make of all this what you will, but I'm not here for fandom bullshit we sorted out years ago in other places. I was there in the yogsmc trenches, and I've heard about what happened in 2019 for the hermitshipping crowd; i know it sucks. I know it's scary that people get really riled up about something that isn't even a problem - but i'm not going to stop doing it. It's fun. It's fiction. None of this relates to the ccs even a little. I am very clear about this. Any references to RPF will be swiftly dealt with. As for characters - do what you will with them. And I'm an angst gremlin who delights in making her blorbos suffer for your catharsis and my own entertainment, so. Keep that in mind. This was probably not explained very well, given it's 3:34 in the morning, but, you know. Not RPF. C != CC. Fictional character shipping is a part of fandom, and it's one i engage in - make of that what you will, but don't be a dick about it, that's unnecessary. This is all for fun and no profit other than my own enjoyment, and hopefully yours too.)

DSMP;

Remember please, to read the descriptions of the lists on Spotify. they don't show on previews embedded. Listener discretion is advised, though alas i couldn't put CWs on the spotify descs, so i'll have to do that here instead, there's still some stuff in those descs that will give context as to why the playlists contain what they do and are set out the way they are. (no, the repeated songs are not accidents - they're on purpose; i'm telling a story. It makes sense when you listen to it in sequence - think of these playlists like concept albums.)

Chars:

Ah, slime. The blorbo. He's got SCU as backstory here, ftr. This is not finished - the SCU section at the front is pretty lacklustre atm, and the ending is kind of abrupt, since im still sorting out the post-finale storyline route i want to go down, and how the hell to tell that through music alone. We'll see how that goes. (If i could make animatics, I damn sure would. I've got Thoughts about post-reset DSMP.)

[CW: Death, Murder, songs of religious trauma, a form of derealisation? i think?]

Oh boy. Schlatt, schlatt schlatt. Where to start with this guy? SCU. That's where to start. He's got SCU as backstory, ignores Tales/Earth for the most part. Need to gather my thoughts and post about them at some point, I suppose, but the long and short of it is minecraft worlds each run on different time scales in parallel, so you can spend a decade on one but bump into your friend a year after they last saw you, so you're 30 when they're 21 even if chronologically speaking they were actually older than you the last you spoke. Timey-wimey multiverse shennanigans - i've always thought this, but ever since Rendog posted his own video about the subject I no longer have to explain it myself, lol, so check out that guy's youtube channel for a much more coherent run-down than I'd ever give. (unless you want mine, feel free to ask in my inbox or ims - we do have different ideas, his are just more solid (mine's more magic, his is more science) and given he's a cc, more likely to spread.) Anyway point being; Schlatt went to university with Wil, but Wil fucked of to a fae world with Sally for a decade to raise Fundy, which makes him and Schlatt out-of-sync. Also, they were in uni in America, which is something Wil is very glad never got out, lol. Fishfucker from utah, goddamn...

adfalskfd anyway, jokes aside; Schlatt is 20-23, estimatable, during the run of the Election arc. I set him at 23 bc of Ghost Stories but it's really more like 21. I have him as SCU Schlatt completely unware of his own prior godhood (and continued godhood, if he'd just, you know, remember). He's an interdimensional demonic godly entity who thinks he's just some wolf/sheep/human hybrid with health problems and an alcohol addiction (not that he'd admit to the latter two, of course.) so, keep that in mind.

Also, the rest? Yeah. Probably not... a good idea to give Schlatt back all the memories he's lost... well. Hopefully he's changed enough, yeah? hehe. >:)

[CW: Some like, religious stuff again, a la slime, Cannibalism, Drugs, Abuse, Alcoholism, Death, Murder.]

Ah yes, Big Q. So. Admittedly, by the count of the playlist, you could very well argue this guy is solidly in blorbo territory. I would have to admit the truth of the matter is just that. This does not, however, mean i get this fucking guy even a little bit, so I'm hoping this is a good playlist but i'm not convinced it is. 400+ songs, though, so there's a lot to chew through here. Covers pre-dsmp headcanons and post-dsmp reset finale au. Tries to keep his canon relationships all referenced but my god is it hard to figure out which were and which weren't. Went for; elaboration on Eret, focus on Karlnapity, Schlackity, and TNTduo. Pretty sure BBQ happened at some point but it's ignored. DapDup is presented here as mostly-platonic, but can be imagined whatever way you would like other than fatherly. Q is 20. Schlatt is 7 million. Q is his mentor, not his dad. They're best friends, they're peers. it's the EmeraldDuo issue all over again (granted a little different, but still). Point being; Slime is older, wiser, and more knowledgable than Q, but his worldview is a lot kinder than Q's when they meet, and what Q is trying to teach him is cynicism. In that, Slime's a novice. So he's the protegee, because Q wants to teach him what he can to keep him safe, and to have a net to fall on for LN's leadership if he's to kick the bucket (which Q is trying to avoid but definitely expects to happen, inevitably.) Anyway, yeah. Quackicle if you like, DapDuo if you don't, basically. (I Intended legacyduo to be platonic or at most queerplatonic, though.)

Q's introduction to the DSMP is as Tommy's fellow drug operation... er, operation-er. So, that's how this playlist starts. My backstory is a bit complicated, so i've left most of it out; suffice to say Q isn't a duck, though he lets people assume that and doesn't correct them, because it's easier that way. I'd be happy to explain more, but it's a hell of a long ramble, so not here.

[CW: Cannibalism, Drugs, Abuse, Alcoholism, Death, Murder.]

Like i said, I don't know fundy as well as i'd like to be making a playlist about him. YMMV on this one.

[CW: Death, Murder.]

Ah, niki. Similar sitch to fundy, hence why their playlists are so much shorter than the others. YMMV, again. Feedback is appreciated, on these, if you'd like to give it. Keep in mind the list's description, as always.

[CW: Death, Murder, implications of depression?]

Wilbur's a funny one, I really don't know.... how to feel about his character. Either way, the playlist exists all the same.

I borrowed a lot of these songs, I'll admit, from animatics and pre-existing playlists based around him. YMMV; feedback appreciated, if you feel like it.

Note: I do not take 'SBI' as a canon thing in the way most do. Philza is his father, Technoblade is a kind of brother figure, but he's not Philza's son, he's his friend/ex-empire-running-partner-in-crimes-against-anarchy, the hypocrites. Tommy is not Philza's son in any respect; Wilbur is a kind of, older-brother-father-figure, while Technoblade is an older-brother-distant-uncle figure, and Philza is just 'Wil's dad' (And, well, Doomsday happens. After that, it's just Philza). I choose personally to ignore some of the canon backstory for Tubbo; he's Tommy's friend first and foremost. This saves some complications later for me with character dynamics - I like nuance and interconnectedness, but it was giving me a headache trying to sort it all out, lol. Tubbo was found in a box - by Tommy, when skiving school. He got folded into Wil and Tommy's little almost-family situation over a period of time, and was never technically adopted by anyone. (Neither, to be fair, was Tommy. I mean, what authority would you ask, anyway? This is the minecraft multiverse. Which England do you go to to sign the papers? How would it even work?). Either way; Wilbur is Philza and Lady Death's son, not the son of a literal smart fridge, because i can kind of sidestep the fishfucking but i can't bring myself to even acknowledge that as more than a joke.

Anyway, yeah. Stop the ramble there; have a listen, if you'd like to.

[CW: Drugs, Abuse, Manipulation, Death, Murder, Terrorism.]

Some notes: Tommy canonically ran some kind of drug operation with Q at the beginning; Wil and Q met through Tommy, not any other way around. I haven't quite reflected that in this, I don't think? it's sort of hard to. I mean, I need to figure out how Tommy and Q even met in the first place, as a point of contention. And, well... because it's just kind of not great to have to put reference to that sort of thing in a playlist for a kid, you know (since he was 16 at the start of all this, then, jeez. When did that all go down, exactly?). Honestly, this playlist isn't great in general. I tried my best, but I don't really know him that well.

I actually kind of like Dad!Schlatt but I'm bored by it being Tubbo, so. You know where I'm going with this one, right? Literal devil child. C'mon. You can't miss out on a pun (of circumstance, no less!) that good. Dad!Schlatt AU with Tommy as the literal devil child in question is taken as headcanon for my version of events. Like I said; i take what i'm given and i run with it, i mess around with it - I tend to ignore fanon and just do my own thing, even if it will inevitably on occasion contradict canon. What can I say? YogsMC was my first mcrp storyline, and that was a whole mess of mostly having to make up everything yourself. I got used to it, and the freedom is too nice a thing to let go of.

This playlist is not kind to Dream, given Exile and murder and all that, but it also doesn't pretend Tommy was some innocent who did nothing wrong. His literal first action was to murder George. Kid's messed up a lot, and is kind of prone to homicide. Keep that in mind. Again, however, being a perpetrator does not stop someone from also being a victim, and Dream 100% victimised Tommy. That's just not a deniable thing. Gaslighting isn't cool, guys. (and, for once, the term actually applies to something it's used to describe. wonders never cease.)

[CW: probable derealisation somewhere in here idk, Abuse, Manipulation, Death, Murder, Terrorism, War, Suicidal Ideation/Attempt.]

Dynamics:

Swinging a bat right out the gate - this is romantically intended pumpkinduo, aka schlackity. You were warned. My dsmp-post-finale-reset AU stuff is very much my own, and veers rather far from given canon. In fact, these playlists do a lot of swerving around the ballasts of canon. I think what i like about stories and tend to damn everything else - fanon included. I make up my own stuff; mileage will vary. I "endgame" pumpkinhusbands, in that sort of way where they're both terrible and should never bring anyone else into this mess and kind of deserve each other, but they're also just fucked up guys trying to get through the shit life they've been saddled with, and end up leaning on each other - a sure thing, if not... the best thing. So. Yk. (And Schlatt is a god with amnesia, but that's a little tangential. Only a little. I take SCU as backstory, and ignore Tales/Earth stuff. YMMV, again.)

Oh, also, i consider their dynamic mutually abusive in the election arc. if that troubles you, then pass on the Q, Schlatt and PHduo playlists. They have an arc in them, but that content warning is required. (Q was physical; schlatt was mental - as in, what they perpetrated. To put it simply; Schlatt used his words. Q literally beat him up when he said no to marriage and then went through with it anyway, without S's consent. That's very much not of the good. Q was a victim, sure, I don't disagree, but he was also a perpetrator. Abuse can be mutual. It's not uncommon, in fact. So, yes. They treat each other like shit, Schlatt dies, Q spirals, etc etc, not exactly a redemption arc but something akin to it, and they try again. Different people. Not worse, not better - just different. Aged. Changed. And it'll work this time, because they want it to. They didn't before, and that's always the failure. Relationships are commitments. They take work. A 19 year old ex drug dealer and a 21 year old alcoholic running a country are really not in the right place for anything like that. Marriage was the worst thing they could've done, and Q forced it on them anyway. Problems, problems. Interesting problems, but I can see the squick. So. Here's all this word jumble for your fair warning.)

[CW: Cannibalism, Drugs, Abuse, Alcoholism, Death, Murder.]

This was not technically romantically intended TNTDuo, but they have at least a canonical history of having sex, so make of it what you will. (Canonically, wilbur is not in love with Q. Obsession is different from love, after all, and I agree with that sentiment if not the truth of the statement itself. Wil's fucked up and complicated, and so thus are his feelings for Q also. Q never quite fell in love with Wil, and quite distinctly fell out of whatever affection he'd managed to gain. They got lust though. they got that in spades. And, like i said - they're obsessive. Bad combo.)

(I don't really like the dapduo name, so sometimes i'll refer to them as legacyduo, interchangably. this is also interpretable as quackicle if you like, but wasn't necessarily intended as such - just as much as it wasn't not intended as such. Ambiguity. >:) )

And, of course, that's all the post will allow me to fit. I've got loads more, though, mostly set to public. Some aren't ready for that yet (less than 5 hours means less than a full arc smh) but, yeah. None of them are DSMP, anyway. There's Yogs, none of which are public yet, Teen Wolf, which are, Harry Potter, some are, Esoteric Fandoms, which all are, Hermitcraft/Empires/Traffic|Life Series, which are currently awaiting publication in their entirety (but i think a few of them, notably pearl, scott, grian - I'm prioritising winners atm - are close). So, yeah. Feel free to peruse at your leisure.

[northeastern-soul]

This was alot 😅 Like i wouldnt even wanna read this all in one go. 🤣Fuck this mile long response. This was 3 sections and it drained me. So don't stress yourself by worrying about it right now.

This goes on the back burner, 😊 you have no obligation to read it asap, it's there for whenever you wanted my words or thoughts. It took like 3 hours to sit and think and finally find words. I can also clarify if needed.

You did get a lot right on how to treat me but I don’t think we are there yet.

I think this part will take communication and evolve and change over time, as we grow and change as people. The world is so big and scary and heavy for you right now, so it's okay to focus on getting back on your feet. Yet, I have faith in us, and want to remain kind and compassionate while we grow.

I understand you have past traumas and as much as I want to help burden you with those, you need something more than me. To express and heal from those. Just like I have traumas I need to heal and work from.

I do. I have an okay hold on them, but sometimes they break away, and yes, sometimes I need to lean on my partner to get back on track. However... I know right now you are a little unsteady too, and I recognize that and want to respect that.

Its also okay to sit in the dark together sweet girl😊😌 I won't abandon you in this.

I don't think they have to be 100% healed in avoidance of one another, we're a team, no matter where we stand with eachother, But we can't rely on the other person or expect anyone else yo do the heavy lifting of that healing. It's being supportive, and I think we can find that and eventually find and remember that we do have a safe space within eachother to communicate what we need.

Those will always arise and we will always be triggered unless we release those demons from ourselves.

They will come up, and like I said^ I think you're right, we have to do the heavy lifting ourselves. But I don't think they'll always be something that we have to tackle alone or without one another.❤️

__________________________________________________________

When I am at full mental or physical capacity, when I’m feeling sad or getting depressed.. I sleep. I sleep for hours on end, I could sleep for days on end. Those are the days i am the most selfish and do things for myself, to heal. That usually looks like watching movies I enjoy, relaxing at home, and being alone.

I need to remember this. I've read it a hundred times now.

I've known it, but its hard to differentiate from other things that I've experienced that present the same way. I've gotta find a way to remember this is your healing and respite from the chaos and weight of the world, it's self preservation.

I .. I need to remember it isn't you being cruel to me or being neglectful, disinterested or hiding anything, it's you looking out for yourself and even you saying I need rest.

I would like someone to be able to occupy me when this happens but I haven’t been able to express it or understand it’s happening till I’m already in it. And in those moments, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to do anything and it’s hard for others to understand

I surprisingly understand this. Or I think I do, or maybe can relate. When I shut down, I used to go non-verbal, and spiral inside my head and be unable to talk or communicate or express anything, and it's the most frustrating, helpless, infuriating feeling in the world.. Like my mind was screaming for someone to do the right thing, even if I didn't know what it was.

🙃like I'd be dying for someone to love me and fight through my chaos and sit with me. then suddenly it would switch and I'd be hot and overwhelmed and need them to leave the room for a moment so I could get up and be okay before moving on, and I couldn't communicate that, so I'd suffer till they finally read my mind and offered, then try and nod and pray they understood it was time to switch gears.

I might not understand yours fully (I'd love to) but I understand chaos and being completely overwhelmed.

I'd sincerely like to find a way to be there once you know how. It would be an honor to be allowed into your space. Babysteps I guess, someday. If it would help, you could always just send a symbol/emoji, like 🧷 for need safety or rest... then I know, it's XYZ time and I gotta act like this ABC...

but it doesn’t happen often but when I need it.. I need it. This was this time.

It is and it isn't okay. It's okay that you needed it and took the space. I can recognize that you didn't have the capacity to communicate more then you did. I got hurt, but me feeling hurt because you were looking out for yourself and couldn't be considerate isn't a reason to be mean or push you away. My feelings are valid, but so are yours hun.

__________________________________________________________

The more someone pushes me for anything, the further I run away. I don’t know why, I don’t know how to get myself out of it. It’s something I need to learn and understand to be better.

I know, and it's something I've known and I still and have always loved you, even though it's hard sometimes. I love you flaws, struggles and all, unconditionally.🧡

I was in my selfish mode cause of the crazy week I had and all I wanted to do was rest, relax.

I should of had the foresight to ask. Part of me was being selfish because I had hoped to spend my vacation with you, and then all my plans were canceled because of your emergency. (I wasn't mad at you at all, just missing out +couldn't go down to support you). So I remembered you saying how you wish i would make the plans and have stuff ready to do sometimes instead of just no clue, (and I know it depends on the mood) and I made plans and waited around without asking what you wanted or needed. (though I did ask the day before 😋 if you still wanted to)

Taryn, I know it might not of felt it, but I need you to trust me that if you explained this, it's a safe space. Yes I'd be a little disappointed, but I'd also be supportive.

Then coming home and finding out my Grumpy doesn’t have much time absolutely destroyed me.

This crushed me, I had to set my stuff aside and reach out even though I was so badly hurt, I couldn't just abandon you and let you feel like I wasn't there.

I felt like I couldn’t even go to you and I didn’t want to explain myself, I didn’t want the comments or anything on you slept the day away and we couldn’t do anything.

Babysteps. Just like you told Vlad how to handle Tiffany and just not ask questions and accept it and be supportive, you can (even if it doesn't feel like it) tell me "I don't need to /Can't hear it right now... Support me." and I'll listen.

I know you had plans for me that day but I couldn’t do it, not mentally or physically and the constant messages, messages to Tiffany just sent me further into avoidance, running away. I was selfish and didn’t think about why this was happening, what you may have been going through and I will admit that. I didn’t have the mental capacity to help you or support you and I tried saying that a few things.

It was a bad day, preceeded by a hard week, that drained you and me. Then our separate issues collided. We failed to communicate, and that's okay. That's where growth is needed and it seems like we both know that. I couldn't pull out of my spiral to slow down and be patient and just chill the fuck out lol,so you could rest and catch your breath, I hyperfixated and was drowning and caught in the moment and you couldn't pull out of yours and were so overwhelmed and in survival mode to communicate what you needed or felt.

We had a miscommunication/failure to communicate. The bright side is it opened our eyes to what we need to work on❤ It was big, and it hurt, but we can move forward and do better.

I am working on myself, like multiple hours a week set aside towards being more mature and processing things, and I am going to improve.

I am still committed to you. I don't believe in throwing things away because it got hard, doesn't mean we need to be attached at the hip right now, but im not quitting on you🧡

[imtheghostinsidemyhead]

my DID story p.2

in the last few weeks i have been slowly realizing that i cannot repress of suppress these feelings anymore. as her emotional collapse of this news worsened she started to notice something was off, she didn't want to eat, to think, to exist. but she found parts of herself taking care of her. cooking for her, and calling her a stupid bitch. that part of herself was the same one that was trapped for so long. she's always had a lot of trouble caring for herself. when my friends from out of town came up to visit she for fun decided to kiss her friend. we are VERY sexually repressed. but she can't think about those things, but i can. i was the only one who wasn't ashamed enough to not masturbate when i had the chance. we didn't masturbate at all till age 20, we couldn't afford to. because then we would have to confront the fact we didn't like our ex. so we just didn't have sexual feelings, at least she didn't. she was plagued by thoughts of fucking all of her friends, it would literally haunt her dreams. she didn't feel these things, so she ignored it. when we kissed our friend we decided to take it further, she didn't really react. she shook at the thought of touching a woman. much less actually doing it. but this moment was when she realized that it was true. because i took over. and i did a very good job which was extremely out of character. to everyone including her surprise i was a top. and a very good top. and i was very horny. i felt like i was on top of the world. but i wasn't myself. on the drive to lunch on my 21st birthday i felt this conflict of self, the way i was acting for my other friend (not the fwb), my feelings of horniness, and my nostalgia for the woods mixed with the scary thought of eating fast food i projectile vomited all over my friends car. no drinks in me yet... i was frozen for a good 15 minutes, in absolute shock. unable to move or speak. frozen with the position of a cup in my hand. i knew i needed to get up but i couldn't until i finally admitted to myself that i have multiple personalities. then my dissociation ended and i was able to go on like normal (enough) in the weeks since this event i've gone through denial, fear, acknowledgement, euphoria, and a sense of war and peace. i have allowed myself to act on the traits i didn't accept as parts of myself. it's mostly just been me because when the doll was fronting for a day she wanted to take over the body forever again. so it's mostly been me and the host. but the host is really scared. she can't handle it right now, so it's just me. she was active for a few days and we can speak to each other. but i realized that i projected myself through one of my ocs. it's kind of weird to see how i've grown over the years after never knowing if i was real or not. i'm like a full fledged person, i have likes, dislikes, preferences and gender dysphoria. i've been able to dress a lot more androgynous which is cool. i don't really care about my body though. there's nothing i can really do about that. but it's been really nice to just exist. i'm writing this for the host, she wanted to but she couldn't. i'm always the author and artist. the host excels at styling and crafts. i am the storyteller. thats how i communicate, through strange cryptic expressions of self. but i'm allowed to exist now because i'm the only one who can get bitches. we now have a little system of doing things, but she needs to rest. i'm just not the best at getting non creative or survival tasks done. i have no motivation to do homework. in case anyone i know finds this side blog and gets really confused. i'm trying to reach out to people now, i'm confident that this is what i've been struggling with all my life. and i'm happy i'm getting help and accepting this fact. i'm debating whether or not i'm going to tell my therapist. i want to wait and see if she brings it up. she already knows about my gaps of memory and struggle with past identities and dissociation. my name is caspar or eerie, depending on the context. there's the ghost (me), the host, and the doll.