#the wording in this post is so 🤓���️but whatever I was still right

[reddbuster]

I've talked about this before but I don't think I worded it all that well so I kinda want to try again to articulate what it is that bothers me about Dahlia's writing cause I have some thoughts.

We really aren't supposed to like Dahlia. The text does not like her. She is supposed to be an evil, manipulative girl. A wolf in sheep's clothing. This is made very clear. From the moment we are introduced to her character, Mia herself very clearly doesn't like her. She is written to be a difficult and frustrating witness, having already wrapped most of the courtroom around her finger. Cross examining her is even more of an uphill battle than usual. The first time we beat her in turnabout memories is satisfying to the player, because we know justice is being served. Even when we learn her story, we aren't really lead to closely examine or to sympathize with it. Because Ace Attorney is not a game in which we decide if someone deserves to go to jail. It's a game where we deduce whether or not someone is a criminal. And Dahlia, by definition, is undoubtedly a criminal. She's a liar, and a manipulator, and a serial murderer. Mind you, the game isn’t COMPLETELY unsympathetic to her situation. Iris, her twin and narrative foil of a sort, Is an example of the kind of person Dahlia could have become if her circumstances were different. Iris even says as much herself. Ace Attorney acknowledges that Dahlia is a victim of her circumstances, at least to an extent. But it also treats her as if she’s too far gone to be worthy of any kind of closure. And more than anything else that's what bothers me about her story. Because if you take a minute to think about her at all beyond this very orthodox formalist lens she's SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. She's suuuuch an interesting and complex and compelling character if you look below the surface but the game really doesn't encourage you to do that and that makes me really sad honestly. From a psychoanalytic lens I personally think that agency (or the perceived lack-thereof) is a big point in her story and that more than anything is what makes me want to write about her from a feminist lens, because agency is a really big point of feminist literary theory.

I've seen a couple people say that they don't think Dahlia needs to be thought about deeply because they see her as a cartoonish sort of villain character like Manfred and Engarde. And obviously this isn't an objectively wrong reading, anyone who follows me knows that I'm the first person to tell you that are multiple good and valid readings of a text. But PERSONALLY I disagree with this. I think Manfred is easier to read like that because he doesn't really have an.. understandable reason for any of his crimes? Like lets be real the murder of Gregory Edgeworth was petty as hell. Personally I think he's pretty interesting himself and worth thinking about deeper esp after watching the anime but I also thinks he fulfills the role of capital V Villain in the game really well so you don't need to if he doesn't compel you that much. Engarde imo is much more interesting as a character if you view him as a culmination of the game's themes, or as a device to cause conflict within other characters. Ofc you can psychoanalyze him to hell and back if that's what you wanna do, but you really don't need to at all. Dahlia on the other hand.. way too much has happened to her for me to comfortably read her as just Girlboss Manipulator Villain™. The more I think about Dahlia the more I appreciate her as a character, and it makes aa3 even better to me. Of course it also brings to light some of my issues with the game, but even so everything just hits harder when you consider the ending of aa3 from everyone's perspective. It's just such a bittersweet conclusion it hits me in the feels very time.

anyway TLDR I support women's wrongs and I personally think Dahlia deserved better from the story. I dunno the more I think about her the more her story just makes me sad and I just wish they gave her some kind of closure in the end. This is just my take tho don't come after me ok thankies

[bxnnybimbeax]

thinking about.. best friend!satoru gojo who immediately answers when you come calling

bestie!gojo who not-so-secretly, secretly has feelings for you

bestie!gojo who knows everything there is to know about you. Your oh-so wonderful taste in partners… Your likes and dislikes, hobbies, career plans, plans for the future.. anything and everything. Even if you do or don’t exactly tell him

bestie!gojo who drops everything that he’s doing to come see you, when hearing your incoherent sentences of something along the lines of, “…. dumped boyfriend… cheated..”

bestie!gojo who comforts you in your time of need. Listening to all your rants about your ex-boyfriend, supplying you with whatever he thinks would cheer you up, offering you comforting words instead of solutions.

What a great best friend to have!! Right..?

“I hate him so much! What a no good bitch ass womanizer!!” You exclaimed in a fit of rage, scrolling through the posts of the woman who, your ex cheated on you with, as satoru tiredly sighs.

“What does she have that I don’t-“ and before you could continue on, you get cut off by your best friend, Satoru. “Absolutely nothing, sweetheart. You should know your worth by now. It’s not something you have or ‘don’t have,’ it’s the simple minded mentality of… What’s his name again?— Doesn’t matter, He’s too simple minded to know the true worth of what he has in front of him.” He tangibly states, as if it was the most well-known fact in the world.

You attempted to up at him through your clouded vision, blinking away tears that spilled like waterfalls. Taking glances between Satoru, and the images on your phone, you stay silent as he studies you, pools of cool colored diamond eyes staring into yours, hoping to see any slight change of positivity.

He sighs again, taking a seat on your bed as he snatches your phone away from you, and before you could protest, he cuts you off once again… by pulling you close, into a hug. Instinctively, you wrap your arms around him, as you let out all your pent up feelings. Sobbing into his chest, as he soothes circles into your back, not caring that you mess up whatever designer shirt he’s wearing.

Satoru’s heart breaks hearing you hurt, he wants nothing more than to ruin whoever was the cause of your problems. But right now, he’s more focused on you.

Satoru hushes your cries, wiping away the salty crystalline off your face as he speaks up, “Oh baby, don’t waste your tears on him. He has no idea what he’s missing out on. Don’t waste your energy on a leech that only takes from you, and never gives. Your deserve someone who reciprocates your feelings, and so much more.” He admitted in a dulcet tone, giving feathery caresses to the side of your face, as he placed a sparse kiss to the side of your temple.

“Cheer up, theses plenty of people who would give the world and die for your affection.” He states in a much more cheerful and playful tone, making you laugh in response to his exaggerated claim.

…

best friend! Satoru who stays with you, through the night. Comforting and creating a much more positive atmosphere to the contrasted gloomy mood

best friend! Satoru who maybe, you don’t see as just a friend anymore..?

A/N: Whats goody gangy. ☝🏾🤓 Sorry I was gone for 5 months I was going thru it with some bitch ass nigga I dumped, which is kinda what I based this fic off of, except no boy bsf I’m in love with to comfort me.💔 He made me delete tumblr so I couldn’t write 😞 I still kept on reading tho 😈

Not proof read btw, bc I’m high as a mf, writing with dyslexia. And it’s late a night, idk if it’s gonna be late when I post this tho😛

If y’all sent a request, resend it plssss. 🙏🏾 I need inspo mookies, and if you have a request feel free to send one in. Msg me abt wtv, and lmk if I can improve on anything

Thanks lovies take care and, hope y’all enjoyed!! 🩷

-bxnnybimbeax

[waynes-multiverse]

The Exit Strategy – Part 2

Summary: Russell is ready to hang it all up and retire, open up a brewery, and enjoy the rest of his civilian life. However, there’s one important thing missing before he can take the big plunge. Luckily, he knows just the right person to help him find it.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader

Warnings: +18, language, minor injuries, a bit of angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, a reunion, more secrets and revelations 😉

Word Count: 6.3k

A/N: Guess, the cat's outta the bag! Couldn't reveal too much about the reader beforehand without ruining the surprise now, could I? 🤓 Cozy up in your favorite chair with eggnog. Hope you have some lovely holidays, guys ❤️

Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist || Tag List

Part 2: This Is a Russell Mission

If Russell hated one thing in this world, it was playing The Waiting Game. The thought of being helplessly stuck inside a car with his hands metaphorically tied behind his back nearly wrecked his sanity. Well, whatever was left of it, anyways.

Colter had a point. Russell knew he could be a little paranoid sometimes, but considering everything he’d seen and done in his life, who could honestly blame him? It was only natural to feel a certain level of paranoia in his particular line of work. It kept him on his toes and, therefore, alive.

But maybe it had nothing to do with the job as he had always told himself. It might have been just a family trait he had inherited. And, well, he hated that fact even more than The Waiting Game.

As he impatiently watched a set of doors once more, he pondered if he was still seeing things clearly or if his kooky mind was playing tricks on him. Adjusting to civilian life wasn’t always easy.

What normal people would see as a perfectly nice, faithful woman picking up mail from the post office, Russell saw as a dead-drop pick-up.

There was a construction crew about three hundred yards to his right that seemed to be on constant break by their lack of work ethic. They also took turns to watch the supermarket closely. Ever wondered why there was so much street construction seemingly everywhere and yet America’s roads were still full of potholes? Russell didn’t.

And then, there was the cashier who handed you a flyer of some sort, which you accepted with a polite smile and stuffed in your purse. Live drop, Russell noted as he watched you walk out of the store hand in hand with your supposed husband.

It was all so abundantly clear to him, he almost couldn’t believe no one else could see it. It certainly worried him that Colter couldn’t.

What if…

What if he was in fact seeing things? Things that weren’t actually there. Ghosts of his past. No drops, live or dead. No secret surveillance in disguises. No fake husband – just a very real one.

Was that even legal? He figured it was under your new identity.

Russell shook the uncomfortable thought out of his mind and concentrated back on you. You stopped short by a row of shopping carts, exchanged a few words with your “husband”, and headed back inside. His little brother, of course, was hot on your tail, following you back in too.

That was when several alarm bells went off in Russell’s body. His head felt like the Liberty Bell on the Fourth of July. Experience told him: If it smelled like an ambush, it usually was.

Jumping into gear, Russell’s gaze snapped to your husband, who not only unloaded the groceries into the trunk of the car but also loaded a pistol and hid it underneath his sweater vest before heading toward the supermarket again.

Russell sprung into action rather quickly then, snatching his own semi-automatic from the glove compartment. Soon enough, he heard two familiar voices flowing out from a back alley behind the main building. There was no doubt in his mind that it was you and Colter.

As he rounded the corner, he had to stifle a laugh once he saw his little brother down on the ground, straddled by your legs. Russell had found himself in similar positions with you, but they had been mostly out of pleasure.

“If it helps, my name is Colter. Colter Sh–”

“Shaw.”

Russell watched as your hold on his brother swayed and shock claimed your expression.

“Hiya, sweetheart,” he greeted your eyes with a cheeky smile as warmth spread through his heart.

Fuck, he had missed you.

“Russell?!”

Your jaw had fully dislodged itself as you slowly got back onto your feet and let go of your prisoner. But the shock of seeing your ex here of all places didn’t last long till it made way for your anger.

“Are you fucking insane?” You stormed towards him, shoving his chest. Whoa, broad! Shit, what had he done? Spent more time at the gym? “No, wait, don’t say anything. I already know the answer to that one!”

“I’ll second that,” Colter chimed in with a groan and dusted off his jeans. He stretched his sore muscles briefly before glaring at his older brother, who only offered him an apologetic smile and a half-assed shrug of one shoulder.

“Did you tell him to follow me?” you asked and pointed an accusatory finger at his younger brother while still glaring daggers at Russell. The similarity between them suddenly struck you, and you cursed yourself for not putting the puzzle pieces together sooner. “What was the plan here, huh?”

“Oh, trust me, he had no plan,” Colter muttered sourly, still recovering from your attack.

Russell clicked his tongue and sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “Look, he’s right. There wasn’t a plan. I just-… I had to see you. But once I did, well… here we are.”

Full disclosure: There might have been a little bit of a plan. Just tiny, really. Not worth mentioning at all.

You scoffed and shook your head. “You, of all people, should know better. You could’ve blown our cover. Months of work down the drain…”

“I think your cover’s still good,” Russell assured you with that same old lazy grin of his that was scarily charming and glanced at your partner. “Might wanna call off the cavalry, though.”

You shared a look with Tom, your partner during this mission.

“I’ll signal them. Clean up here,” he said, unamused, and disappeared back to the parking lot.

“Road crew in front of the store?” was all Russell asked. You confirmed it with a simple nod. Internally, he celebrated his little win. His instincts were still intact.

You exhaled a deep breath and threw your hands up. You had been so incredibly relaxed before that menace of a man waltzed back into your life – with a goddamn wrecking ball, no less. Now, the tension was crawling back into your shoulders.

“Russ, what the hell?”

Your question wasn’t filled with anger, however. You were just exhausted by today’s surprising turn of events. The life of a spy…

And probably the life with Russell, too.

“I know. I know, okay?” Russell held up two placating hands. Large hands. Warm. “Can we just talk? Somewhere… I don’t know.”

With some reservations, you still nodded. “There’s a church picnic at First Presbyterian tomorrow. It starts at one. We can talk there.”

There had never been a day in your relationship where you had denied that man a thing – till that last day at least.

“Church picnic?” Russell cocked a brow but was only met with your glare.

“Don’t mock. Be there,” you told him firmly and walked back inside the building. You still had to buy that damn milk. Covers were complicated to maintain – much like relationships.

Once you were out of sight, Russell let out a long sigh of relief, followed by a laugh of happiness. Step One was done. Only when the high of his meeting with you subsided, did he notice his brother’s exasperation.

Colter threw his hands in the air and stared at his sibling with incredulous eyes. “What the hell, Russell? What was that, man?”

“Right, yeah.” Russell bobbed his head calmly, smacking his lips. He knew he owed Colter an explanation at this stage of the mission.

“So, I’m guessing she’s not an old Army buddy of yours,” the younger Shaw started.

“No, not quite. She’s in the CIA,” Russell explained at last. He couldn’t help the grin. He was sure Colter would laugh about it eventually, too. Well, here was to hoping he would. “We worked together when we were both stationed in Baghdad. You know how it goes. We met, and a couple of hours later, we were doing it on the kitchen island of some safe house.”

Well, alright, that was braggy. There was a lot more going on than that. Best night of his life, really. But Russell considered it classified.

“Romantic,” Colter scoffed with sarcasm lacing his voice. Honestly, a part of him was happy for Russell. Another part, though, was incredibly furious for obvious reasons. “But I’m sorry – you had me stalk a CIA operative? During, what I assume is, some elaborate undercover mission?”

“It’s actually not that elaborate,” Russell quipped with amusement. “You shoulda seen half the things I’ve seen her do, so…”

“Oh, hilarious!” Colter shook his head at his childish brother. “Are you nuts?!”

“I think we’ve already established that,” Russell chuckled.

“You know, if Reenie finds out about this, she’s gonna kill me,” Colter said, and Russell swore his brother seemed close to breaking into a sweat. “Oh, you think this is still funny, huh? Guess who she’s gonna kill right after? You.”

Russell rolled his eyes at the unnecessary theatrics. “She’s not gonna find out unless you tell her, brother.”

With pursed lips, Colter nodded in defeat. “Can’t say I like you a lot right now, Russell.”

His older brother only snorted a laugh in response. “Oh, c’mon!”

“You probably would find it less funny if you had been beaten up by a 5’4” woman,” Colter continued and pressed a hand to his ribcage, wincing. “Yeah, pretty sure she cracked a rib or two…”

“Don’t be a baby. Soldier up! You’re fine.” Russell patted his back roughly and inspected the swelling nose for good measure, causing Colter to groan in pain once more. “And by the way, pretty sure she’s only 5’3”.”

“What?! No! She’s at least… 5’4”, okay? Probably even 5’5”,” Colter argued, following Russell back to the truck.

Russell’s lips rose to a teasing smirk. “Yeah, you keep telling yourself whatever gets you to sleep at night, little brother.”

“I will, thank you,” Colter deadpanned and unlocked the car. “So, you’re gonna go to this church picnic thing tomorrow?”

“Oh, no, not just me. We are going to this church picnic thing tomorrow,” Russell said with a cheeky grin and slid into the passenger seat.

“Well, you know, technically, I’ve already… found her. This is usually where my job ends,” Colter said with a tight smile and popped the key into the ignition.

“Yeah, well, not this time,” Russell replied, chuckling. “This ain’t a Colter mission. This is a Russell mission.”

“Oh, I got that, yeah. Thank you,” Colter said with a laugh that made his bruised ribs ache. “You know, you could’ve at least told me she was in the CIA.”

“Yeah, probably. But this was more fun,” Russell grinned.

“Did you know this whole time this was a clandestine operation?”

Russell sheepishly twitched his shoulders. “Well, not when we first got to town, but once I saw her in that outfit, I had a pretty strong inkling. I’m tellin’ ya, even if she had changed her entire life and personality, there’s no way she would have accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior. I mean, maybe if she suffered a traumatic brain injury…” Russell mused and then grinned. “Or if she got abducted by aliens!”

“Oh, not the UFOs again,” Colter sighed with a shake of his head.

“It’s UAP, man. U… A… P,” Russell corrected him once again and let the last letter pop from his lips for emphasis.

“Uh-huh… Did you even need me for this?” Colter leaned back against his seat and quirked an eyebrow.

“Hell yeah!” Russell assured eagerly before changing course. He dialed his enthusiasm back a little. “Well, honestly, I just needed your op analyst. I could’ve used one of my guys, but then that would’ve flagged it with someone upstairs, so… But c’mon! This was fun, right?”

“I don’t know, Russell. I usually prefer my fun to look a little different,” Colter deadpanned.

“With Reenie?” Russell wagged his eyebrows. The huge smirk on his face spoke volumes.

“Would you stop?!”

“‘Sides, this is nice, isn’t it? Us… hanging out?” Russell’s sly grin then morphed into a much softer and genuine smile.

“I guess, yeah,” Colter reluctantly agreed and shrugged his shoulders. But the tiny smile on his face wasn’t missed by Russell.

“Alright, let’s get some fuel,” Russell announced and playfully slapped his brother’s chest. “I’m starving. We also need to find a place where we can park that Airstream of yours. Maybe get a nice fire going, drink a few…”

“What is this? A sleepover? Did you just invite yourself?” Colter really wasn’t used to family members dropping in like this, but he couldn’t deny that it felt sort of nice, too.

“Yeah, I am. I mean, you didn’t offer. Would’ve been the polite thing, you know, considering I saved your ass last time,” Russell retorted puckishly.

Colter exhaled a humorous breath, shaking his head with a chuckle. “Alright, okay… Consider yourself invited.”

“See? Wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

Russell’s nerves leaped through the roof as he set foot onto the church grounds. A part of him expected his boot soles to leave burn marks in their wake on the perfectly green and trimmed lawn, considering his extensive list of sins.

Families, children, couples, and the elderly had all gathered in front of the church. There were picnic tables, blankets, even balloons and a banner. His green eyes, however, landed on the giant buffet, his mouth already beginning to water.

That’s also where he spotted you, handing out cupcakes and slices of pie with a pious smile on your face. Your hair was stuck behind your ears, a headband keeping it tightly in place. Your dress looked the same, only the flower pattern varied, with a tight cardigan around your shoulders that hid any naked skin.

Deceptively innocent, Russell thought, causing his mouth to water for a different reason.

“You okay? You nervous?” Colter checked with a curiously raised brow.

“Nervous? Me? No.” Russell gave a quick shake of his head, but his eyes were transfixed on you. “Gotta admit. That outfit’s doing something to me, though.”

Colter patted his shoulder blade. “Yeah, might wanna keep it in your pants, Russ. Pretty sure you get kicked out for impure thoughts.”

Russell snorted a laugh. “Yeah, probably.”

The Shaw brothers then made their way over to your stand. Russell’s heart thumped louder with every new step he took towards you. And once he was so close he could smell your irresistible perfume, his smile only widened.

You, on the other hand, played your role flawlessly and pretended you didn’t know either brother in front of you. Your brows knit in question, but your devout smile remained the same.

“Gentlemen, how can I help you? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before,” you said and subtly gestured your head to the pastor next to you.

Russell’s brow raised in understanding. He cleared his throat. “Oh, me and my brother just moved here. Looking for a new church. Heard this is the place,” he stated loud enough for the pastor to hear. “You know, we are very devout Christians. I mean, especially my brother here. If he doesn’t pray at least ten times a day, he gets real cranky.”

Colter threw him a look but decided to play along. “Oh, yeah, I just-… I hate that. Can’t pray enough, right?”

“Amen,” you said with all the sincerity you could muster. On the inside, however, you were bursting with laughter. Leave it to Russell to make you smile brighter than the sun.

“Well, you’ve certainly come to the right place,” the pastor chimed in with a cheerful smile that spelled kumbaya all the way through as he shook the brothers’ hands. “I’m Pastor Jeff. Welcome to our little congregation, folks.”

“God can never have enough sheep, am I right?” Russell quipped and wondered how long you’d already been undercover, playing your dutiful role as a Christian housewife. Five sentences in, and he already was at his limit.

“That’s right!” The pastor grinned broadly. “Please help yourselves to our delicious buffet.”

“Well, lookey, what do we have here.” Russell’s eyes zoned in on a plate of apple pie, rubbing his palms in delight.

“Oh, you have to try the pie,” the pastor eagerly suggested and put an arm around your shoulders. “Our Nora here is an excellent baker. Her desserts are a real trend in our community. It is downright sinful. But shhhh, don’t tell the big man upstairs.”

“Secret’s safe with me, pastor,” Russell grinned slyly before meeting your eyes for the briefest second. “Say, do you do marriage counseling too?”

The glare you shot him had enough power to kill him from afar. You might as well have ordered a missile strike on him.

“Oh, my, yes, of course!” the pastor eagerly replied, causing your frown to deepen. “Are you married? Having a little trouble with the missus?”

“You could say that,” Russell earnestly played along and propped up his hands on his hips. “Everything was going fine, you know? And then one morning, just whoosh, gone. No explanation, no letter, no anonymous call from a pay phone…”

“Wow…” The pastor was stunned and enthralled by Russell’s colorful storytelling at the same time. You weren’t, however.

“Well, I’m so sorry to hear that,” you feigned your sympathies with tight lips and a fierce glare at your former lover. “But you know what they say, the Lord giveth and he taketh away…”

“You know, Nora here is right. Our Lord does work in mysterious ways,” the pastor chimed in agreement.

“Amen, Pastor Jeff,” you said, smiling contentiously. “Do you have any idea why your wife left?”

“Oh, I’m afraid she’s as mysterious as the Lord,” Russell replied.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you forced a tight smile. “I don’t mean to overstep, but it sounds like someone was having a little trouble with commitment.”

“It does,” Pastor Jeff agreed. “Why do you think that is?”

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Russell’s head bobbed, his tongue poking the insides of his cheeks. He was definitely feeling a spotlight on him. Even Colter seemed to curiously lean in. Then, the oldest Shaw clicked his tongue. “Rough childhood.”

Amused, Colter scoffed under his breath behind him. “You could say that.”

“Oh no.” The pastor sent the brothers a pitying look and turned his attention to the younger Shaw. “And what do you do?”

“Oh, uh… Well, before I moved in with my brother here, I lived in a trailer and traveled all over the country.”

“Sounds… lonely,” Pastor Jeff stated worriedly.

“Yeah, this one is a big lone wolf. He has commitment issues too,” Russell replied, earning him a scolding look from his brother.

“Uh, I don’t think we need to overshare, Russ.” Colter gave an awkward smile, turning to you and Pastor Jeff. “He’s kidding. I don’t have commitment issues.”

“It’s a sin to lie, Colter,” Russ noted. His tone was serious, but the twinkle in his green eyes was impish.

“What happened to your face there?” The pastor cocked his head and inspected the younger Shaw’s injuries.

Oof, he looked rough. The skin under his eyes and bridge of his nose were swollen and bruised, ranging in color from blue, purple to black. A thin burgundy line also graced his throat. You had done quite a number on him.

You should kick Russell’s ass for setting you both up like this. Who would do this to their little brother?

“Uh, you know, moving boxes…” Colter stammered with a shift of his weight from one foot to the other, pursing his lips.

Russell was a better liar than him, you noted.

“Yup, walked straight into one of those wood planks,” Russell added, oozing just the right amount of charm and humor to wrap the pastor around his finger. “Tiny thing, honestly, but still got him good.”

Oh, he was so proud of that too, you could tell. He smirked right at you. Well, they were both terrible liars.

“Not that tiny. Big, big plank,” Colter corrected. Apparently, you had bruised his ego, too. “Lucky to be alive, really.”

Yeah, he really was.

“Well, speaking of taking things away, I still have to get the eggs from the chickens,” you said, segueing the conversation to an exit strategy. “Excuse me.”

“Oh, you have chickens here?” Russell enthusiastically slapped Colter’s arm. “Did you hear that? They have chickens.”

“Yeah, uh, very exciting,” Colter said, subtly clearing his throat.

“We’ve always wanted chickens,” Russell clarified for the pastor, joining you by your side as you rounded the table. It wasn’t true, though. The brothers actually had a chicken coop at the cabin when they were kids and hated it. The hens were noisy, the rooster was the worst, and it was always a mess to clean up. “I love those clucking little buggers. And now that we have a big backyard… Mind if I come along and check out your setup?”

“Not at all,” you replied with a friendly smile.

“Great. Be right back,” Russell told his brother, hurrying after you before he eloquently made a U-turn back to the stand and grabbed a plate of pie.

“Take your time,” Colter said through a pressed smile, although he wondered how long he’d be stuck here for with the pastor and your fake husband.

“Clear,” you said and held the creaking wooden door of the coop open for Russell to follow inside. As soon as it fell shut behind you two, you crossed your arms. “Okay, talk.”

“What? Here? Now?” With squinted eyes and a cocked brow, Russell looked around the small and dark space full of farm fowl, hay, and feathers.

You threw your arms up in exasperation. “You said you wanted to talk, so talk. What’s wrong with this place?”

“Nothing,” Russell said timidly and swallowed. He scratched the back of his neck. “You know, I just imagined this conversation a thousand times in my head, and it never happened in a chicken coop on church grounds.”

“Adorable,” you commented unamused, your brow knitting even more.

“All I’m sayin’ is, this just takes some time gettin’ used to…”

“Get used to it faster.”

Russell sighed. Then you did.

You softened your stance, crossed arms falling freely to your sides. “I’ve missed you,” you said earnestly and gifted him a small smile, taking in his changed appearance for the first time in detail.

He was hairier than you remembered. That you knew for sure. If you went back even further, he was also a lot broader, too. When you’d met, he was just a kid – as were you. It was only in the last few years of your relationship that he started to gain some serious muscle and really began to fill out his uniform. And all of a sudden, the tall and broad-shouldered soldier became more threatening – and more protective.

Now, clean-shaven, young, somewhat naive, and rule-following was replaced by a rebellious, midlife-crisis beard and the matching hair.

Ah, the t-shirt… Mötley Crüe. He found that thing eleven years ago at a thrift store in Arizona. It had a (bullet) hole on the left side of his lower back that you had patched – thrice. Once even with teething floss in a tent.

“How have you been?”

Russell’s head bobbed. He shrugged. “So-so.” Then he smiled. Soft and warm. The first few rays of sunshine on frozen winter skin. “I’ve missed you, too.” Then, the smile disappeared from his lips, replaced by contempt. “Got your divorce papers. Not signing them, by the way.”

“Good.” You smiled weakly. “I didn’t want you to sign them. I just sent them to get your attention.”

The relief that surged through Russell’s body was ineffable. For months, he thought he’d lost you – that you’d finally given up on him for good.

“How’s the new job working out?”

Russell’s lips drew a smirk, flirtatious charm glimmering in his forest green eyes. “What, you keeping tabs on me, sweetheart?”

You matched his expression. “Who do you think recommended you, huh?”

Russell stumped for a beat. His lips pursed, eyebrows drawing into a wondering v. “Well, they said someone did. Just didn’t think it was you.”

All this time, he’d believed you had crossed him out of your mind with a red pen as soon as you’d walked out the door that very morning.

“I told you. I’ll always look out for you,” you replied simply, a caring smile dancing on your lips. “So? Did it help? Are you any closer?”

“Yeah, guess so…” He paused for a moment, his gaze focused on the tips of his boots as he thought. “Not sure it was worth it, though. Actually, I’m fucking sure it wasn’t.”

You exhaled a long breath. You knew this day would come eventually. You knew he’d come back for you. Granted, you had expected him on your goddamn doorstep years ago, but he never showed. Sending divorce papers was a last resort in hopes he’d wake up then. That had been nine months ago.

“Why are you here, Russ?”

“Things have changed.”

Ah. That made things perfectly clear.

Lifting a brow, you crossed your arms again. “Is that why you brought your little brother along? As a show of good faith?”

“Kinda.”

“Poor Colter… How’s his nose?”

Russell wiped your sincere concerns away with a shrug. “He’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. Just a scratch.”

Just a scratch…

“It’s weird… seeing you two together,” you said. For more than fifteen years, you had wondered. A part of you thought this day would never come, so maybe Colter being here was indeed a show of good faith and Russell was finally, finally dealing with his shit.

That man could easily fill the Denver airport with his baggage.

“You look good,” you noted. You were trained to control your heartbeat, but he had always made your job harder. “Different.”

His fingers brushed his beard as if to emphasize the newness. “Yeah? You like it?”

“Well, uhm, I don’t hate it,” you said rather coyly. Did you want to give him a win? No. But if he stepped any closer, you would falter. Your cheeks blushed as the tip of your shoe drew circles in the sandy ground. Why did your ears suddenly feel so hot?

Russell smiled as heat crept to his cheeks as well. “Your new look is somethin’, too.”

“God, shut up.” You rolled your eyes at him but couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

“Oh, I don’t think you’re allowed to take the Lord’s name in vain here,” Russell teased. “Don’t let good Pastor Jeff hear ya.”

You laughed, scoffing. “I hate that man.”

“Pastor Jeff? I can tell,” Russell chuckled in amusement and finally stuffed his face with the first bite of pie, chewing a mouthful as he spoke. “But c’mon, he ain’t half bad.”

“Really? You don’t wanna shoot yourself after spending five minutes with him? ‘Cause I do. And it’s been months for me,” you said. “You don’t know what that man does in his office.”

“You bugged his office?”

“And the confession booth. Two words: game changer,” you said, wide-eyed. Russell whistled lowly. You narrowed your eyes at the half-eaten plate in his hands and the pie crumbs in his beard. You raised a scolding brow. “Did you really have to bring the pie?”

“Do you even know me at all? Of course I did.” Russell then shoved the last bite into his mouth to prove his petulant point. “Did you actually bake this?”

In expectant offense, you stepped back a little, crossing your arms again. “Why?”

“‘Cause it’s good.”

“Do you even know me at all? What d’you think?”

“Thought so.” Russell gave a shrug of his shoulders. “The first bite of this didn’t give me immediate food poisoning.”

“Fuck you. I’m a great cook,” you huffed but couldn’t help the grin on your face. You had missed this – the bickering, the bantering, the fun. And Russell, the sly asshole, knew that, judging by his own smirk.

“There’s a lot of reasons why I love you, but your cooking skills ain’t one of ‘em, sweetheart,” he quipped.

“I’ll use you as shooting practice, Shaw,” you threatened playfully. Russell laughed, but it sounded more secretive than a laugh about a joke. “What?”

Russell’s eyes found yours. “Nothing. This is nice, right? We slid right back into it. Like the last three years never happened.”

“Russ…” You sighed, your heart hurting. For you, they happened.

“Just saying it was easy. That’s all,” he said with placating hands. “How’s the family? How’s your dad?”

That caused you to suck in a breath. You had wondered when he would finally dare to ask. You knew this was the real reason why he was here. “Dave finally married Jill last spring. It was a nice wedding. Florence, Italy. Got to wear a sun hat.”

“That’s good.” Russell smiled softly, although it stung that he wasn’t invited. He had always imagined he would be, once your brother popped the question to his longtime girlfriend. After all, Russell was the one who introduced the couple in the first place.

“They wanted to do it sooner, but because of the pandemic…”

“They shoulda done it ten years ago. I kept telling him to lock it down,” Russell quipped, the irony not entirely lost on him. He knew even if something was locked down, didn’t necessarily mean it would stay forever.

“You did,” you remembered with a fond smile. “They wanted you there,” you added, noticing his saddened expression. “It’s just-…”

“No, I know. Don’t worry about it,” Russell brushed it off with all the coolness he could muster at that moment.

“Russ…”

“I said it’s fine,” he repeated and forced another smile. “So, how’s the old man?”

Silently, you bit your lip and sent him a look that spoke volumes.

“Uh-oh. That bad, huh?”

“It’s the reason why I moved back here. To be closer… As close as I can be with this job. Figured it was best for everyone,” you explained. “In the beginning, he had a lot of good days, you know? Now they just all seem… bad.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry,” Russell replied, dumping his empty plate by the chickens. He stepped closer.

Uh-oh. Now, you were in trouble.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Russell’s brow jumped up. “What are you sorry for? It’s your dad.”

“I know. But… he kinda was yours too, right?” Russell’s green eyes meeting yours confirmed your statement. “He still talks about you on his good days. God knows you couldn’t throw a football before you met him.”

“Hey, that’s not true. I could throw the old pigskin around perfectly fine,” Russell defended.

You snorted. “You could not,” you argued with a teasing smile. “You knew how to kill sweet little forest critters and turn your pee into drinking water. But you did not know how to throw a damn ball.”

“You’re never letting the pee thing go, are you?”

You shrugged. “It was a very memorable trip.”

Russell laughed at that. Then the melancholic sadness returned to his face. “How’s-, uhm, how’s Lewis?”

He’d made it through the list of your relatives, finishing with the most important one. And it stung so unbearably much it broke your heart for him. But in the end, you knew he’d done it to himself.

Fighting the tears in your eyes, you forced a smile to your lips. “He’s good. He’s a sweet boy. Keeps asking questions about his daddy that I don’t know how to answer…” you scoffed humorlessly but decided to forgo the pettiness. It would be so easy to be mad at him, but not even on your darkest days could you do it. “He’s starting school this fall.”

“School, huh?” Russell huffed a devastating chuckle, the tears brimming in his eyes as the lump in his throat only grew. “Shit…”

It was getting to him, you could see, and he hadn’t expected that it would. Knowing Russell, he probably figured he could push through the pain and be fine. But he had never really been fine since the day you met him – and he wasn’t this time either as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to blink the tears away, and turned his back to you with a hand clasped over his mouth.

“Should I stop?”

It felt like you were torturing him with a cruel new method of some PsyOp. Even if you had cursed this man for the past three years, your heart refused to see him hurt.

But Russell shook his head, finding your eyes again. He offered you a weak smile. “No, uh, don’t. Just tell me something about him, okay? I’m fine. Please.”

Sighing, you nodded in acceptance. “When my dad was better, he and Dave would take him fishing a lot. He loved it. He’s in his ‘backyard adventures’ phase,” you said, giggling softly. “He’s catching frogs and releasing them in the house. Never imagined I’d wake up with an amphibian on my head. It’s been a delightful experience.”

Russell laughed, but it was feeble at best. “I can imagine…”

And I can’t imagine I missed it all, he thought self-punishingly. But the hard part still hadn’t come yet.

“And, uhm…” Russell wrung for words, taking a deep breath. “How’s the baby? Is it–”

“She,” you stated, watching him swallow upon your correction. “Her name’s Amelia. She turned two in April.”

“Huh, girl…” His heart beat faster, grew bigger, and painfully yearned. His feet trembled to get home, wherever that was, and see them, but he knew he couldn’t. It wasn’t so easy, after all. “Guess I was right…” he said with a sad smile.

You had been sure you’d have another boy. However, Russell had bet you ten meatball subs – your craving at the time – that it wasn’t.

“What happened to Ann? Thought that’s the name we picked,” Russell teased in hopes of lightening the mood.

“Yeah, well, if you wanted a say, maybe you should’ve been there…” you retorted.

Russell should’ve known winning you over wouldn’t be as simple as spelling the ABC.

“You’re the one who left,” Russell muttered finger-pointing-ly under his breath.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know why,” you bit glaringly.

Russell swallowed lightly, nodding. “You’re right. I do. I’m sorry.” Pausing, his eyes glanced around the coop before he gestured with a hand at your outfit, looking you up and down. “So, speaking of the kids, what’s going on here? Thought you were done with the deep-covers,” he changed the subject with a clear of his throat.

He knew if he continued talking about what he’d missed, he wouldn’t make it out of that chicken coop for the next several hours, sobbing uncontrollably in the hay with the hens.

“I was. Had a desk job. Kinda…” A desk job in the CIA still never really was a desk job. “I was station chief in Paris.”

“Paris, huh? Fancy,” Russell said, but the joke didn’t reach the crinkles around his eyes.

“It’s the job I took after I left. We only moved back to the States in the beginning of the year,” you explained. “The kids loved it there, though. Lewis still gets a craving for crêpes every once in a while.”

Russell chuckled, even though every story added another bruise to his heart.

“Anyways, I got a job at Langley. Desk. Bought a house not too far from here, actually. It’s nice. Got a big backyard. Even bigger oak tree,” you told him with a smile. “Lewis wants me to build him a treehouse, but I’m not sure I can swing it.”

“I could help,” Russell offered, trying to keep his eagerness at bay when truly all he wanted was to race there and build the damn thing now. “I mean, if I can come by sometime…”

Your heart sank. “You can always come home. You always could, Russ.”

Home.

That four-letter word filled him with so much warmth and longing it brought back the tears in his eyes.

“So, uhm, why are you here and not there then?” This time, he switched the topic because he would’ve kissed you if he hadn’t. “You running a sting on the pastor or…?”

“One of his sheep.”

“Ah.” Russell nodded. “Need any help?”

“From you and Colter?”

“Yeah.”

“No, thank you.”

“Oh, c’mon, just lemme help. The faster you get this done and over with, the sooner you can stop clutching your fake pearls and get home to the kids,” Russell reasoned.

You sighed, knowing he was partially right. You did hate your disguise as much as you hated the annoyingly nosy pastor. Moreover, you missed your children a fucking lot. It had already been three months. Fall was coming soon, and you had promised your son you’d be home by his first day of school.

“C’mon, how did they lure you back in, huh? Who’s the naughty little sheep you’re working?”

“Can’t talk about this here,” you told him, automatically lowering your voice. It was hard to remember who you were right now, when what you were used to be was standing right in front of you.

Russell quirked a brow. “Did you bug the coop, too?”

“No, the pastor’s scared of the chickens, which is why I didn’t bother. But you never know if someone else isn’t listening. We’ve already shared too much. We shouldn’t do this here,” you insisted, and Russell nodded in agreement. He knew the dangers as well as you did.

“Then where?”

You exhaled a deep breath and thought for a moment. You wanted to see him again. You knew he didn’t just come find you to catch up and then leave again.

“Come by the house tonight. Make it look natural. I’ll invite you guys to dinner as a sort of friendly welcome wagon to the neighborhood. The pastor is gonna buy it in a heartbeat. Just give me a good reason to invite you over.”

Russell nodded in understanding. “Alright.”

Part 3: This Is a Heart-To-Heart

Welp, seems like Russell omitted having a wife and two kids... 🙈😂

I'll post the next part in the beginning of the new year or straight after Polaris has finished. We'll see ☺️

Enjoy the rest of your holidays, loves! Can't wait to read your comments on this one 😉🤍

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[discoveredreality]

intro post <3

don't mind me editing this like every single day lol

my dm's and askbox is always open if u want to talk <3

anons are welcome too <3

also if u want to make new friends i am right here pls say hi im fucking lonely😭

anyways

BELOVED MOOTS <33333 (everyone is tagging them and this is fun)

this in no particular order just whoever pops up on my dash or smth idk. not every moots just the ones i actually know lol. ok so

@im-ur-sleep-paralysis-demon THEY'RE AMAZING LOVE THEM SM IF U DON'T FUCK OFF BECAUSE OMG KJHLGJKFJHLKYFJHKJGL

@ma-lan13 HELP MY BESTIE IRL GOT TUMBLR OMG OMG. AND SHES ACTUALLY USING IT WTF?????? ANYWAYS SHES THE BEST <333

@bloophasarrived SHE'S THE SWEETEST AND SO WONDERFUL. HER PERSONALITY SPARKLES AND OMG SHE'S SO FUN AHHH

@marylily-my-beloved I LOVE HERRR WE HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS. SO NICE AND EASY TO TALK TO. AND WHY DOES SHE KNOW ME SO WELL <3333

@im-just-here4853 my vent buddy omg we just vent to each other i love her so much idk what i would do without her <33

@im-on-crack-send-help TWINNING IN LITERALLY EVERYTHING. SAME MUSIC TASTE. SAME TASTE IN FOOD. IN DRINKS. IN THE WAY WE THINK. WTF. ANYWAYS SHE'S MY POOKIE I LOVE HER <333

@the-gay-skeleton-in-ur-closet THEY'RE THE BEST OMGGGGG and they're nice and cool and shit <333333 i'm quoting myself it's fine AND LIKE SO NICE AND GOOFY AND EVERYTHING OMG

@cubemagnet somene i met on a random post and now we occasionally team up to correct grammar lol 🤓🤓🤓 anyways she's amazing :D and everything she says is so iconic like isjflsrijglruhglsuglijrsg

@book-girl4eva SHE'S AMAZINGGGGG. IT'S SO EASY TO GOOF AROUND W HER I LOVE IT. SHE ALWAYS SLAYS SO HARD. EVERYTHING ABOUT HER SLAYS. idk if you'll see this but this is for u pookie <3

@mil-pinterest-sss-here-i-am ??? questioning why we're moots. but he's literally so nice. literally will be my therapist and help me w maths because that shit is impossible 😭

@dandelionflowery omg literally so kind and everything all the time. so fun fun reading their fics and doing shit together omg

@sweetwarmcookies16 OMG RIJGDJFGIJFGIF THE BEST I LOVE PLAYING GAMES TOGETHER AND TALKING AND EVERYTHING. ALSO AN AMAZING WRITER

idk brain isnt braining ill add ppl as i go along

moodboards made by my lovely lovely moots <3

so far i only have one here cause i forgot to link the previous ones whoops 😭😭😭

about me

i'm ari. she/her. nicknames welcome. go wild. dude/bro/girl/literally anything is also fine. i use 'lol' and '<3' too much. minor. literally the biggest procrastinator and so disorganised i dare u to find someone worse than me. i'm indian but i live in australia. bengali/north indian idk. band kid :D my pinterest is here. PLEASE DM ME IF U WANT TO. I NEED FRIENDS. IM AWKWARD AND BAD AT MAKING CONVERSATION BUT STILL PLS 😭😭😭

personality/star sign or whatever

according to the mbti test here i am an istp-t. i am also a cancer. i found out my sun, moon and rising signs and the marauders version and i wrote it down and lost it so then i redid it and i lost it again so i can't bother at this point someone help me :(

time zone

Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST) i think?? SUCK ON THAT AMERICANS AND WHOEVER ELSE EHHEHEHHEHE ;LSDJFSFJIJFDJF;LJ

my music taste

i love taylor swift, conan gray, olivia rodrigo, sabrina carpenter and honestly a lot of other stuff lol. also love bollywood music.

favourite books and authors

i love reading and i'm usually a really fast reader lol. i love harry potter (fuck jkr tho), kotlc, chetan bhagat books, the inheritance games, agggtm, literally all of karen m. mcmanus's books, the divergent series, pjo and hoo, lorien legacies, the selection, powerless, soc, girl in pieces, dictionary of lost words and bookbinder of jericho, all the books by amish, and a bunch of other books.

dni

idk the usual?? if u think ppl arent valid or you're literally an asshole. honestly you all can go get stuffed. idgaf

tag games and shit

yes you can absolutely tag me. i love tag games and chain asks. sometimes i may not get to doing it but i usually will and it makes me so happy when i'm tagged lol

tags

i don't post that much stuff so i don't really have mulitple tags for my posts. anything or any shitposting or thoughts will be tagged #ari's shit. for asks it's #ari gets an ask?

fandoms!

i'm literally obsessed with drarry but i'm mostly part of the marauders fandom. i'm starting to make my way through all of the marauders fics. i love love love hermitcraft. i'm an ethogirl literally who doesn't love etho?? also really into trafficblr. i literally love six of crows so much like omg. desperately trying to get through the magnus archives im only 8 years late haha i also love kotlc sm. (team foster-keefe forever!) i'm low-key in love with keefe sencen cause omg. aaaand also a bunch of other shit but those are the main ones idk bro

i'm bored and this is too long already might as well add more so here are a bunch of userboxes :D

and that's all not because i have self control but because there is a limit to images per post 😭😭😭 i literally had to delete some of my aesthetic images for this soooo

all the above photos are not mine, i got them off of pintrest.

my profile pic is obviously from the makowka picrew here

the beautiful dividers are linked here. these are by @saradika-graphics she is a literal star these dividers are so good

IK THIS IS WAY TOO FUCKING LONG AND I KEEP ON ADDING SHIT MORE SHIT SO IF U ACTUALLY LIKE READ TO THE BOTTOM THIS HERE IS FOR U LMFAO ILYSM <333333

[sturn1olo-ffics]

“That’s The Way I Loved You”

- Chris Sturniolo x Fem Reader (she/her pronouns used)

- based off the song “The Way I Loved You” Taylor’s Version by Taylor Swift

- WARNINGS: kissing (making out ‼️), mentions of fighting/arguing, crying, break up but happy ending; NOT PROOFREAD

- ABOUT: Chris and y/n get into a huge fight over Instagram comments and she breaks up with him. A month after, y/n decides it’s time to put herself out there again. She finds a great guy, but he’s just not Chris. That’s when she realizes what she really wants.

“I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name. So in love that you act insane. And that’s the way I loved you.”

(Y/N’s POV)

I sat down on my couch after a long day and decided to open up my phone and check Instagram. My notifications were blowing up and I didn’t know why.

Chris posted a picture of you at dinner the night before with the caption: “My girl.”

You smile and feel butterflies swarm your stomach as you like the post and comment “Cringe 🤓” just joking around with him.

You check the comments, only to see hate comment after hate comment being left.

User332: “Bro she’s not even pretty”

y/nhater617: “why is he lowering his standards for her 💀”

User984: “i hope they break up soon fr”

————————————————————————————

{ iMESSAGE }

Chris: Hey you free tonight or ??

Y/n: You wanna come over?

Chris: Ok mind listener

Y/n: You mean mind reader 😭😭

Chris: Whatever. I’ll be there at 5

————————————————————————————

(Time passes)

Chris was over at my house. He was leaned up against my counter and I was sitting on the island across from him.

Scrolling through TikTok, I realize that this is a good time to tell him how I’ve been feeling about his Instagram comments.

“Hey, can we talk about something that’s been bothering me?” I said with a frown.

“Uh- yeah sure. What’s wrong?” Chris said worriedly as he stepped closer toward me.

“I just- you’re Instagram comments are always full of people hating on me… and I was just wondering if-” I started to say before he cut me off.

“Just ignore ‘em” he says in a nonchalant manner, like he didn’t care at all.

“Can you tell them to stop or at least turn your comments off?” I asked in response.

“What? No. I’m not turning my comments off on Instagram. And there’s nothing I can say that will actually get them to stop.” Chris said in a defensive, almost angry tone.

“Can you at least try?” I started to get fed up.

“Y/n. Not everything is going to be perfect just for you.” the words slipped out of his mouth.

“What?” I said, tears filling my eyes.

“Y/n, I meant that I just can’t do anything about it. What do you want me to do? Become a magic wizard and cast a spell on all these little girls to stop hating on you? Even if I could, I still wouldn’t care enough.” Chris yelled.

“Wouldn’t care enough?” I said softly, tears falling out my eyes and running down my cheeks.

“Y/n- it’s just this kinda stuff is what you have to deal with- it’s like character development. It’s a part of life- a part of my life at least-” he started to say before I slid off the counter and started to walk away.

“I’m also a part of your life. And if this is what it’s going to be like, then I don’t want to be anymore.” I said while opening up my front door, signaling him out.

“Y/n, what? You’re gonna break up with me over this?” he said quickly.

“I just can’t right now, Chris.” I responded as he walked out and I closed the door behind him.

I slid down the back of my door, salty tears rolling one after another out of my eyes.

We had gotten in fights before, screaming at each other even, but this one was final.

(ONE MONTH LATER)

I met a boy while I was at the grocery store. His name was Henry and he was really cute and seemed super sweet. We got each others numbers and started hanging out almost every day.

—————————————————————————————

{ iMESSAGE }

Henry: Hi!! I’ll pick you up at 6 if that’s okay?

Y/n: Sounds great! Can’t wait.

—————————————————————————————

But the truth is, I could wait.

He’s sensible and so incredible. And all my single friends are jealous. But something just felt off, every time we were together.

It’s been a month since me and Chris broke up, and I knew I wanted to put myself out there. So why did this superhero of a guy just not seem like enough?

I started to think about Chris more and more. Which is weird because I started to not care about the break up about a week after it happened. I always seemed to move on quickly for some reason.

I picked my phone up and shot Henry a quick text, asking him for a rain check.

It actually was pouring down raining outside, so I figured he wouldn’t question it.

I put on “10 Things I Hate About You” and plopped down on my couch with a bowl of popcorn and a Pepsi.

Pepsi was Chris’ favorite drink, and it grew on me over time as well.

“I hate it when you’re not around and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.” the TV starts to play as I tear up.

Chris.

All I could think about was Chris.

He flooded my mind.

But why?

I started to get up and make my way to the fridge to grab the container of strawberries I was craving, but noticed I had already eaten them all.

“Great.” I said to myself. I really wanted those strawberries.

There was a grocery store at the end of my street, so I knew I could just walk down there and grab some.

I gather my things in my purse, put my shoes on, and grab my umbrella because it’s practically storming.

I reached for the doorknob, but before I could grab it, 3 knocks sounded at my door.

“Bruh I asked him for a raincheck. No way Henry’s outside my door right now.” I thought to myself.

I turned the knob and opened my front door, only to find Chris standing there. Soaked head to toe from the rain.

“Hi” he said out of breath.

“Chris?” I was confused.

“I take it you’re about to go hang out with Henry” he said, turning around.

“No, actually… I cancelled on him.” I said sharply.

Chris turned around and stared at me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“I- I don’t know. One minute, I was playing Fortnite on Twitch. And the next I was putting my shoes on to come here. I think I just-” he was saying before I cut him off with a kiss.

He leaned into the kiss almost immediately. Both of us getting soaked from the rain. But we didn’t care. We just craved each other.

He pulled back and tilted his head to deepen the kiss. One hand on my waist, the other on my back pulling me impossibly closer to him.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an hour, but was really 30 seconds.

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us.” I said with a smile, looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

He smiled back and pulled me into a longing hug.

“How about we go inside and dry off huh?” he joked.

“That, and you need to help me figure out how to let Henry down nicely.” I laughed.

“I love you, y/n” he said pausing his footsteps.

My heart jumped. He had never said this before.

“I love you too, Chris” I said with a smile.

—————————————————————————————

A/n: Hey guys! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I’m trying to make my fics better, so let me know what I could change. Also, let me know what you wanna see next.

Thank you for 80 notes on my last fic!!!

[keep-the-wolves-close]

Steady Heart

Chapter 21: Shameless

* Pairing: Slow-burn Kayce Dutton x OFC Stella Daniels

* Rating: M

* Warnings: NSWF, language, smut, sex, p in v penetration, no condom, biting

* Word count: 3,350ish

I would love to give credits to @dameronscopilot and @deanscroissant for being sounding boards for me during this whole process, giving outsider insight, being cheerleaders, and allowing me to screech at them about things that have happened during the writing process. I seriously couldn't have gotten this far without y'all!

Special mention: @deanscroissant & @lexixstewart and the couple friends who don’t have tumblr so I can’t tag them, for giving me their honest opinions on the smut because, y’all I blacked out 💀💀😂

Author's note: Oh shit y’all! We’re here! 👀 I hope everyone is enjoying so far! I hope you love this chapter as well! Pretend in the gif that’s Stella and they’re inside and not in the forest 😅😂. Also please be gentle. This is my first attempt at writing smut and being serious with myself 😂

I’m posting this a day early because I’m nervous and ripping the bandaid off lmao. Also sinful things on a Sunday are a hilarious juxtaposition to me lmao. So feel free to comment or hit my ask box and flail with me lol. Just please be kind. 🤓💛

Stella rutched around in the waiting room chair. Her phone went off with a text from Ryan. Any update on Mr. Dutton?

She and Kayce had been here for quite a few hours. His dad was out of surgery and resting. John's current nurse just told Kayce he was allowed to go back and talk to him for a few minutes. She replied quickly. Out of surgery. Finally able to go talk to him. BRB.

She reached out for Kayce’s hand. “Do you want me to go with you?”

Kayce contemplated. “Sure.” He squeezed her hand and guided her along through the big double doors to the room he was told. When they got to the door, he paused.

Stella turned and checked him out. He hesitated to go in. “Hey,” she reached out for Kayce and pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her. “Everything is gonna be okay.” He hid his face in her neck. She gently rubbed his back. She whispered to him. “We’ll go in when you’re ready.”

He let out a hard sigh. “Let’s go.”

The pair walked through the door. They peeked around to the right at John's bed. He looked like he was fast asleep. Stella directed Kayce to the chair next to the bed.

The legs of the chair made a dragging noise and that seemed to perk Kayce’s dad up. “Who the hell is trying to bother me now?” He grumbled.

The friends shared a chuckle. Kayce reached out for his dad’s hand. “It’s just me and Stella, dad.”

“Hey, John.” She announced her presence since his eyes were still partly closed.

“So when did they say I could leave?” John started messing around with his blankets.

Kayce jumped to his feet to try and stop John from getting up. Stella rounded the bed to help on the other side. Kayce instructed his dad. “Woah woah woah. You ain’t leavin’ tonight, that’s for sure.” John still must have been under the effects of whatever medicines they had him on because he stopped fighting against them easily. Kayce smiled at his dad. “We’ll discuss all of that in the morning.”

“Are you going back home?”

“I can stay if you want.”

John looked up at Stella. It shook her, seeing him vulnerable. A memory of her dad floated through. “Stella get him home. I don’t need a babysitter.”

Stella laughed through her nose. “I’ll do my best, sir.” Someone knocked on the door behind them.

“Excuse me guys. Visiting hours are over. The nurses need in here to prepare him for the night.”

Stella approached the nurse. “Can we give them like five more minutes? Then I promise I’ll get us out of your hair.”

The nurse sighed. “Okay, sure. But only five more minutes and I’ll be back.”

“Thank you!” Stella moved to Kayce who was still standing at his father’s bed. “Hey I got you five more minutes. I’ll be right outside the door, okay?” She looked at John. “And you, sir, get to feelin’ better.” There was a gruff chuckle in response. Kayce grabbed her hand before she could leave. The two locked eyes, but didn’t say anything. Stella smiled and Kayce slowly let her hand go to continue talking to his dad.

She walked out of the door and leaned against the wall to wait for Kayce. She had to figure out how to convince the youngest Dutton to leave the hospital for the night. Looking around, she remembered how much she hated being in a hospital. Memories of before she and Ryan ran away came back. All the hospital visits for not only their own injuries, but when their dad got sick. When John had looked up at her from the bed, it was like she saw her dad all over again. She shook her head to clear the thoughts.

Thinking of Ryan, she messaged him back. He’s alright. In as rare a form as ever. I’m gonna take Kayce back to my house, if I can convince him, so he can actually sleep. You need anything?

The team of nurses came around the corner, ready to settle John in for the night. Stella reached behind her and knocked on the door to let Kayce know his time was almost up for the evening. Thankfully he came to the door, smiled politely at the nurses, and grabbed Stella’s hand.

Back out in the waiting room, Kayce sat again with Stella next to him. He still hadn’t let go of her hand. Anyone could see that he was an anxious ball of nerves. Stella rubbed her thumb across his hand. “Kayce?” He looked at her. “Let’s go back to my house.” She said softly.

“Stella, I don't know if I should leave.”

She fixed her glasses with her opposite hand. “I understand your fear of leaving him here. But he’s in the safest place he can be, with the best help in the state. They have your number. They’ll call if they need anything. There’s nothing we can do right now anyway.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “He doesn’t seem like he’s gonna be too much trouble tonight. You need to rest and I guarantee you aren’t gonna do that here.”

She pleaded to him. “My house is closer than the ranch. I’ll even let you use the bed tonight.”

“Okay, but —,” Kayce started saying, but Stella butted in.

“But if they call we’ll leave at the drop of a hat. I’ll also bring you back here bright and early too.” They started to stand.

“Wait, who said you’re driving?”

“I did.” She giggled. “I also still have the keys.” Stella jangled them at him. He tried to swipe them and Stella ran through the main hospital door. He watched her as she dashed for the truck. Kayce laughed to himself because they both knew he’d let her drive.

Ryan answered as Stella clicked her seat belt into place in the truck. Nah, I’m good. You be safe and take care of Kayce.

Stella joked walking into her house. “Man, I feel like this is déjà vu.”

“Stella, it was yesterday.”

She let out a laugh. “Can’t have any fun with you, can I?”

“Now you know that’s a bold faced lie.” Kayce took off his boots and placed his hat on the table.

They both just stood there. Not really sure what step was next. Stella motioned up the stairs. “Well, I guess we should get some shut eye, right?”

“Is this the first time we’re meeting or something?” Kayce smirked.

“Shut up, you doofus.” Stella laughed as the awkwardness dissolved. “C’mon.” She climbed the stairs.

However, once in her room, the bashfulness returned for Stella. Yeah they used to sleep together wherever they fell when they were younger, but being in the same bedroom as Kayce felt different. Now that she thought about it, being in a bedroom with Kayce always felt intimidating in a way.

Stella cleared her throat and offered. “Do you want the same clothes from the last night? I’m sure I’ve got some different ones?” She preoccupied herself picking things up around her room. It wasn’t messy, but there were some articles of clothing she didn’t want him to catch sight of, especially if she could nab them up before she turned the light on. Her cheeks flushed. ‘You really gotta start making sure you utilise the hamper.’

“Nah, the ones from the yesterday will be fine.”

“Okay I’ll go grab them for you.” She stopped herself so quickly she almost tripped. “Wait, where did you leave them?”

“Uhhh…,” Kayce tried to remember where he changed before they left. “I actually think I came up here to the bathroom.”

“Oh! I’ll be right back then. I just put the bedding on like, three days ago. So I can change it if you want, but it should be fine. I only slept on it once. I’ll take the couch tonight.” Stella babbled nervously.

Waltzing out of her bedroom she wanted to hit her own forehead. ‘You're literally acting like you’ve never spoken to him a day in your life. Stop being weird.’ She fixed her glasses and found the clothes where Kayce left them. They were neatly placed on the bathroom counter. She smiled at his manners slipping through. She grabbed them and walked back to her room to give them to Kayce.

“Thank you for —,” she stopped herself when she noticed he wasn’t in the middle of the room anymore where the light from the open door reached. Without a light on in the room, an oversight on her part, she couldn’t see shit. “Kayce?” The lamp on her bedside table painted the room with light.

“Damn!” Stella squinted. “Could’ve given a girl some warning.”

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to blind ya.”

Stella giggled. “It’s okay.” Her eyes focused on him. It was very apparent to Stella that Kayce had something on his mind. He was holding himself back from saying it. In a delicate tone she asked, “penny for your thoughts?”

He eyed Stella up and decided to take the leap. “Would it really bother you if they talked?”

Her head cocked to the side. “Do you mean about us?” Kayce nodded.

She stayed silent for a few seconds. Apparently her reaction to the potential of being caught crossing a line in their friendship still weighed on him. She assumed his thoughts on the matter were the same. To find out they weren’t and he wanted to push that boundary, floored her. Slowly, but surely, she shook her head. “No. They’ve always talked about us, you know that. So regardless of what we do or don’t do, they’re gonna talk. Whether it’s us, or someone else; their jaws are gonna be flappin’ like old ladies on a Sunday in a salon.” The only person she knew she would catch serious flak from would be her brother or Rip. “So no. I don’t care.”

Kayce’s shoulders dropped. Whether it was relief or not, Stella didn’t know. Kayce nodded quickly. He didn’t give her time to figure it out.

He uttered a gravelly, “good,” before he stepped across the room in three long strides to her. He grabbed her face and they collided. Stella unceremoniously dropped the clothes she still had in her hand. She trailed her hands to his sides and pulled him closer while she scrunched his shirt in her hands.

“Fuck, Kayce. What’re we doing?” Stella mumbled against his mouth. Her mind felt like a dense fog had draped over it.

“Are you okay with it?” He brought his head back slightly and touched his forehead to hers. Nervous he’d gone too far.

She said breathlessly, shaking her head forcefully. “Yeah.” Kayce moved his arms to give her more space. Stella leaned into him and wound her fingers in his hair. She brought his face back to hers.

Kayce trailed his hands down her sides. Past her sore side, her hips, and wrapped them around the backs of her thighs. He squeezed and pulled her up. She let out a gasp and she circled her legs around his waist. He braced her and walked to her bed. She tossed her glasses off to the side. ‘I’ll find them in the morning.’

Gently he laid her down, her legs still around him. Looking up at him through half lidded eyes, she smiled and brushed some hair out of his face. Stella was taken back by how Kayce was looking at her with wonder. If she wasn’t already breathless she would have the wind knocked out of her. It was like he was seeing her with new eyes.

He was enamored by her at that moment. Her hair started to come loose and her lips were swollen from all the attention. The way she smiled up at him made him dive back in. “God,” he breathed.

The scratchy feeling of his facial hair gave her arms goosebumps as he chose a spot on her collarbone to pay attention to. Her eyes fell shut. Kayce moved back causing her legs to fall apart and grabbed the hem of her shirt. He gave it a pull upward. He remembered what happened the last time he gave too much exploration to the visible part of her neck, so he would go lower. Slowly the bruise on her side from the bull came into view. He placed several featherlight kisses along it. “No more cowboy poker. Ya hear me?” He examined the large doe and flowers tattoo that was partially covered in a bruise on her side that matched his buck and gave it a kiss.

“Who’s gonna stop me?” She asked playfully while removing her shirt the rest of the way.

Kayce pulled her down to be eye level. “I will.”

“Are you threatening me, Kayce Dutton?” She laughed.

“No, it's a promise.”

Her eyebrows popped up. “Oh really?”

Kayce placed a soft kiss on the left side of her chest and the scar that resided there. “Really.”

The kiss to the sensitive skin made Stella’s eyes flutter closed. He nipped at her collar bone above the scar. Stella let out a sigh. He worked his way down to the top of her pants. He tapped her stomach to gain her focus. When Stella’s heavy lidded eyes met his, there was a silent question of whether she wanted to keep going because there wouldn’t be much turning back they could do after this.

Stella nodded, but knew he needed to hear it. “Yes Kayce.” He smiled up at her and it took her breath away. He worked the belt loose and the button, and gave Stella room to shimmy her pants down far enough that he could yank them farther down. When they got far enough, she kicked them the rest of the way off, underwear included.

Kayce climbed fully on the bed on top of her. She took a moment to appreciate feeling small and safe. Reaching down she grabbed the bottom of his shirt. She pulled it and frowned. “Off please, too many clothes,” she mumbled.

He sat up straight and yanked his shirt off. When he leaned back down Stella grabbed at his torso, wanting to feel his skin beneath her fingers. He wasn’t cut like most people expected cowboys to be. He had a nice layer that made him soft. Stella dug her fingers into his hips at the top of his waistband.

He quickly stood back off the bed. Stella thought she had done something wrong, but realized it was the exact opposite. Kayce desperately made quick work of his jeans and boxer briefs. She scrambled to sit up and took off the black lace bralette that remained of her clothes. She barely had time to register that he sprang free from the hold his boxer briefs had on him before he was crawling back to her. It was apparently now or never.

Her heart pounded in her chest as he trapped her under his body weight. She could feel his hand drift down between them. He stopped at her breasts to give her nipples a quick pinch, which brought out a breathless moan of his name from Stella. His rough fingertips deftly drifted lower to her entrance. They dipped in between her folds collecting the slick that had built up and spread it up to her clit. He gave a few slow circles around it coaxing a moan from Stella. He grabbed his throbbing cock and pumped a few times. He slid himself through her slick and let himself drive home slowly until he felt the resistance of her cervix.

They both moaned, almost in relief, as he slid home. It had been a while since Stella had been with anyone. It was tight on the way in, and that made her feel all the more full. She placed her feet flat on the bed and squeezed his hips with her bent knees. When she did his hips thrusted ever so slightly and made her completely lose all sense and inhibition. She draped her arms around the back of his neck and found his lips and kissed him greedily. “Fuck, Kayce. Please move.”

He dragged his cock out slow, savoring the feeling of her, and then pumped it back in, hitting her cervix every time. Small moans puffed out of Stella’s mouth each time he connected and she bounced. He hit her back wall hard, but at the same angle every time. “Jesus fuck, oh my god.” Her eyes rolled back and shut. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Kayce gave her a quick and hard two taps, ripping her out of her head with a moan. It was almost like he knew.

He locked eyes with her, despite the closeness, and guided her. “Stay with me baby.” If Stella was able to form a cognitive thought, she would have been drooling. He slipped his arm behind her back and scooted her up farther on her bed so she could lay her head on her pillows. He sat up, bracing her legs on his thighs and placed his hands behind her knees. He continued the rhythm but picked up the pace. He bent toward her, bringing her knees with him.

She gasped at the new angle. “Oh shit.” Her hands reached up to grab any part of him she could. She tried to get to his hips to convince him to move faster. “Faster Kayce. Please.”

His hips slammed at a new pace and Stella swore she saw the universe. Small moans of, ‘oh fuck, oh god, oh fuck, oh fuck,’ slipped out of her as her eyes rolled back again. Kayce put her calves on his shoulders and leaned down to kiss her. Stella thought for certain she would combust at how deep she could feel him.

In this position, with every thrust that he gave her he could feel her cunt squeeze him back, almost pleading with him to stay. “Shit Stella,” he whispered against her mouth. “You like that huh?”

“Oh fuck yes.” Stella breathed out. “I’m close Kayce, keep going,” she panted, pleading, “don’t stop.” Kayce was more than happy to oblige and kicked it up a notch. He panted as his hips snapped against hers. Stella grappled to get any sort of leverage as he manhandled her while he focused on chasing that delicious high. He bit roughly at the base of her neck where it connected to her shoulder and a delighted moan released from both of them.

A few more sharp thrusts and both of them shattered. Stella saw stars erupt behind her eyes and she forced them back open to see Kayce. The look on his face was absolute bliss and she felt a swell in her chest. Both of them moaned each other's names, caught on the high tide. They grabbed at each other trying to tether themselves back in reality.

Stella dropped her legs from his shoulders feeling herself twitch every so often. Kayce remained on top of her trying to catch his breath. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed the side of his head.

They laid there, still entangled in each other. Kayce laid on her chest, her hand running through his hair. She felt peace. Stella let out a big yawn.

Kayce encircled her and moved them so they were laying next to each other. Her head and hand were placed on his chest. She remained quiet. Trying to figure out just what the hell had gotten into her. Into both of them, really. There were no complaints from her, but the whiplash was real.

Stella softly tapped his chest. “We should get some sleep.” She said slowly. To Kayce it sounded like she was half asleep already. “We gotta be up early.” Kayce remained quiet. Tilting her head, she glanced up at him.

“You know you don’t have to use the couch anymore, right?” He smirked at her.

He felt her nod. “I know, but I wanna give you your space.”

Kayce pulled a face. “You’re worried about space? I was just inside you. Space went out the window then.” He laughed.

“Okay okay, fine,” she laughed along with him. “You just don’t wanna sleep alone, do you?”

“Maybe.”

“Okay. I’ll stay.” Stella moved her head to get comfortable again. “Can you turn out the light?”

[pinkyjulien]

🟨 High Voltage: Out of the Art Block 🤙

FUCK IT. ART MASTERPOST. 🎨 Came to the realization that my art is now stuck on my old blog🤓 with no way of self-rebloging it since I cannot access my archives or even search up tags or words- Tumblr kinda SUCKS ASS NGL GFHH

I mentioned it *a lot* but both the game and Mitch got my ass out of a long art block and I'll forever be grateful for it 💙

Decided to drop all of my older art in one big post 🤗

Starting with a lil sketch collage up there- most of them became full pieces through the months!

▶▶▶

MY FIRST MITCH/VAL ART EVER. GHFH Started with this small sketch, way before I started making mods even 🤏Wanting V to kiss Mitch was actually the reason I got into modding ghfhgf It became one of my favorite piece of art still, evolved into their first canon kiss, in the tunnel to Mikoshi, right as Mitch was about to run to the panzer into his suicide mission 😩

Ugh can you tell I love doing linearts HGFH I find it so relaxing 😌 Cute lil "chibi"-esque stinkies (They're so cute printed out!!)

Movie night! 🎥 Somethin about Mitch showing his babe some of his favorites movies him and Scorp used to binge back in the day

Ouugghh this one I'm also really proud of, inspired by the tarot card, but it kinda evolved and became it's own.. thing ghfhgf whatever it is 🧡

Piece I did for last year's Pride month 🌈

A SILLY LIL THING ghgfh 😌 Hero of my heart mwah mwah

Not tooo happy with how those came out- but I still like them! Intimacy of the night, and an early visit in the netrunner tent 🤗

My latest "big piece"! God I had so much fun with that one, the composition, the colors, the overall vibes ghfghfh

AND OF COURSE Babies I finished yesterday 🤏

As y'all can PROBABLY NOTICE... WHATS AN ART STYLE? 🤡

Main reason as to why I never was comfortable opening any art commission, I simply cannot keep the same style, and I draw every 4 months when the art juice pop outta nowhere 🤏

IF YOU READ ALL THAT, I KISS YOU ON THE HEAD. 🤲🧡

[darkness-holds-eternal-light]

Hey I have so many thoughts that I would like to share but for right now I would like to share this one idea that came to me. So German is my first language and I've learnt English since elementary school. Learning English words had an entirely different way of associating and imprinting meaning since it came later. It was very interesting and had many different phases, I still learn new words sometimes, which I love and I dearly miss English class. But I digress.

There's the word "custard" that I've come across more frequently during the past days and I like it. It doesn't really have a German 1:1 translation, I know what it is and there's translations approaching its meaning. Which is wonderful because that leaves space for the word. Much like back in the day with your first language and with foreign languages you learnt during your teenage years, you just learn the word, you don't have as many associations and strategies to back up your language learning. So you actually have space to create your own feeling for that word, its haptics and what it means to you in this moment. If you're still following me, I would like to suggest something, I assume most people here don't know any German, so I would like to give you a German word sometimes and you can make it your own thing. I would absolutely love to hear what people associate with it and what it means to them. It's of course very easy to look things up in our day and age so it's unfortunately easy to find out what it really means in English or whatever tour Native language is. It's so beautiful to have a Native language by the way but that will be for another very long post. 😉😍🥰 Anyways, if you'd like to join in, I will think of a word and start this discussion this weekend. 🤓😀 Let me know what you think!

[mandalhoerian]

bruh my comment was too long to post under the new chapter so i’m sending an ask. saw the ao3 notif and scheduled to read it this fine evening, good thing i was like “lemme scroll on tumblr and see what’s up” because SJFKDJLXBZB the face i made when i saw i was tagged and followed BY YOU? also ma’am 🤚🏻wdym nobody comments like i do. like what do you mean. i have a concerning relationship with receiving praise so i advise you to stfu (affectionately).

my poor girl vera can’t catch a break, loss after loss after loss in such a short period. i just want to give her lots and lots of hugs (consensually). on another note i love that she clocked ada’s intentions right away bc capcom wtf is that writing. one person taking down a whole organization is like sending only one person to save president’s kidnapped daughter (laugh track). let me tell you i have been waiting for this 🤌🏻 vera and ada interacting 🤌🏻 leon being there all charming and naive and trusting people easily 🤌🏻 shai you just get the dynamics of all the characters *so right* 🤌🏻

sorry for the excessive amount of parentheses and emojis let me just find another obnoxiously annoying emoji to spam about the intimacy between leon and vera. 🤧 it’s this one but i’m wiping my snot away from crying about it. the small touches between the two are so tender in this fucked up world 🤧 vera’s hand on his forearm… leon collecting her in his arms, comforting her 🤧 his arm on her shoulder 🤧 i could cry and get a headache from thinking about them. i’m so serious.

(gnawing at the bars of my enclosure) JILL VALENTINE MENTION???? VERA KNOWS HER? WHAT IS THE LORE? I NEED TO KNOW.

how does one end a delirious comment. uhhh. so yeah. i love nttd and vera so much and i’m so happy that it’s back babyyyy.

Ofc I followed!!!! I don't remember why I didn't in the first place like but like ???? ur making it sound like I'm some big shot but like pls im a loser who's writing oc fanfiction on the internet and is so lucky and grateful to get people invested in it!!!!! AND YES nobody comments like you do! You're the dream of a fanfiction author ON GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH

ramble below to keep your dashboards clean:

I think we talked about this over on ao3 but honestly re2r's ada just doesn't make sense to me. The FBI cover is logical (when you first think about it), but the way she's immediately pulling a gun on Annette the minute they see her and DECLARING her intentions isn't. She then proceeds to reveal her target is Annette, and then her going with the FBI thing becomes less logical, bc why would Annette hand over the G-Virus sample to the feds, either? It's entirely a shock factor thing revolved around Leon, she's only fooling him -- or maybe, she's fooled Ben like this, too, and was forced to stick to her cover when shit went down, we don't know 😭 why did they do my girl ada like that... (ngl re4r ada supremacy. period.)

But either way, un-truths she would throw as a bone to a "civilian" like Leon would of course be caught by Vera, nugget by nugget, while still making her think "mayhaps the FBI is misinformed????" -- I didn't want to ruin that fine line by Ada going on about Annette making the virus and her being the most dangerous of all "g-virus g-virus g-virus" or whatever because 1) WHY WOULD A SPY DO THAT???? 2) it would surely make Vera go "yeah NOPE" 💀💀

it's so much fun for them to try sussing each other out, Light and L mind games over there while Leon is happily frolicking. not one thought behind those eyes 😭

ALSO LIKE YES THE TOUCHES!!!!!! It's Leon initiating all of them for me 👹👹👹 physical touch taking over when words can't. my favorite thing of all UGGHHHHHHHH THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME IN MY MISERY

ALSO totally not going "actually 🤓☝" as I'm saying this because it's been HALF A WHOLE YEAR + the fic is over 100K words -- Vera knows Jill from post!mansion incident - pre!outbreak, in that ephemeral "investigation" phase of Jill's. I do mention it in the fic that Vera supplies information to Jill (as around that time she's trying to get rid of the weight of all she knows and trying to pass on the "hero's job" to someone else) and they exchange their findings while trying to be careful not to get caught by ppl Umbrella put on Jill's tail. I think I wrote it in passing that Vera was disguised as a secretary and sat back-to-back with Jill on a booth in one of those occasions? She's loosely connected to re3r by having a brief appearance in carlos' police station section in my head, entrusting Jill to him and all and promising to meet up with them in the station once she talks to her dad about it ☹

"delirious comment" WDYM ITS MY LIFEBLOOD THANK YOU 😭

[q1ngqve]

hello it's me 🤓 anon or whatever here to report to subjects (yes one is dr ratio DUH) but let me get this out the way

(sorry if there's grammar/spelling mistakes, it's late for me lolz)

you got the wrong post with my anon tag WWAAAHh

the post that I had originally come from is so far down on your page I gave up on finding it as my finger became sore, so here's my 2nd most recent ask:

https://www.tumblr.com/q1ngqve/744746365051158528/hi-im-the-same-person-who-made-the-ask-that-was?source=share

anyway veritas ratio am I right

I honestly do NOT think dr ratio would be the possessive type of man or not. like, I'm sure he'd get the tinyest of jealous if he saw another man speaking to you, but would quickly discard the thought considering your his lover--

the same person who dedicated their sweet time into gaining his trust and even romantic feelings, however could you betray him like that?

he knows that he was right for you and you were right for him, as if you both were the perfect equation. (see what I did there hehe)

even during intimacy would be better the kind of man to show you how much he loves you

(in all honesty, reminded me of one ur post revolving around if his significant other were to be insecure and him being like "why would you ever think that? let me show you how much I adore you." and honestly I actually loved reading that sm cause I found it so sweet‼️‼️)

as much of a stand offish guy he may be-- even if he is in bed, you're still the person he fell head over heels for. the same person who loved him like no other has. so at the end of the day, I'm gonna say little bro does NOT get jealous‼️‼️

and thank you for your kind words left on my last ask, I appreciate it

🫶

omg that is very far down 😧 (changing it real quick tell me if there’s anything else that i’ve tagged wrong okay)

(づ>/////<)づ♡ this is so cute like you’re right he’s probably exactly like this with his lover 😭 and he’s probably very soft too (deep down)

[sugars-fluffy-escapes]

Lab Experiments

Peter3 x reader

SFW; A little angst, flustering fluff, mild hints of a friendship becoming a romance

Words: 3539 (give or take I forget 💀)

Summary: In the midst of Y/N watching Peter work on Spider-Man related stuff in his makeshift lab, he finds out about their adorable quirk, and of course, has to conduct an experiment

Warnings: Brief talks about/mention of death, alluding to violence, Peter being a little shit with his web shooters, also, tickling, and a lot of teasing (Peter is a ruthless teaser in this 🥴)

DISCLAIMER: Any science talk in this will be vague because I have little knowledge of science stuff compared to Peter Parker 🤓 LMAO (ALSO BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE GIF ANSKSJJDJDF)

*Spoilers under the cut. This takes place post!NWH*

Y/N propped their elbows up on the table, fingers clasped together to create a resting place for their chin, eyes illuminated with curiosity. Although they had no idea what Peter was about to work on, they watched with admiration as their lab coat-clad friend scanned the shelves and cabinets for the components he needed. Their legs swung back and forth beneath them while they awaited to hear what Peter would be doing.

"S-So..." Y/N internally winced at how awkward they felt they'd sounded. "What exactly are you... working on?"

Peter grabbed two pairs of goggles from the desk, holding out one set to his curious friend, who quickly put them on. "Since my little multiverse trip..." he trailed off as he carefully lit the bunsen burner on the table.

"...I've, uh, been thinking more... about how to neutralize villains without killing them in the process..." Peter looked back up at Y/N, who silently waited for him to continue. "Peter one's Aunt May... she... she was so passionate about it. So passionate about doing the right thing up to her final moments..."

Y/N remembered when Peter explained to them about being yanked from their universe and being thrown into another. For as long as they'd known him, up until that point, he'd been a serious person; Withdrawn, exhausted, angry. As Spider-Man, he was terrifying... vengeful... Y/N knew why, and understood why. They knew about the rage that had been building since he lost his Uncle Ben, and how losing Gwen Stacy was his absolute breaking point.

They weren't prepared for the morning that Peter showed up at their doorstep, with a bright smile on his face, and they especially weren't prepared for the moment he engulfed them in a warm hug. Y/N never denied that the interaction brought tears to their eyes. It was still taking some getting used to, seeing such positive changes in Peter, but Y/N was over the moon to see it happening.

Peter's words brought them back out of their pondering. "I figured, if I can cure them, like the other Peters and I cured Max, and Dr. Connors, and the guys from Peter two's world, that... they'd have a second chance too."

His voice had grown a little shaky, but he looked at Y/N with an optimistic smile.

"I-It's what Gwen would have wanted."

"Peter," Y/N looked up at their friend, who had begun to put on gloves. He paused patiently, attention on them as they spoke. "There is not a doubt in my mind, not one, that Gwen is so. proud. of you. Not a doubt."

Those words had Peter's smile growing bigger, and he nodded graciously, before tapping the outer frame of the goggles, silently directing Y/N to place theirs over their eyes. Y/N hastily obliged, giving a sheepish smile that made Peter chuckle.

They bit their lip with anticipation as Peter began to work on the new formula, mind buzzing with questions they wanted to ask.

"Please do tell, w-what is this formula meant for exactly?"

"At the moment, I'm trying to find a way to make my webs withstand larger amounts of force, and be more element resistant." Peter answered, picking up a different beaker and using a dropper to add a substance to it. "So, the stronger the web, the faster I can subdue a villain. The hope is that the webbing would last long enough to create whatever cure I need to make."

Y/N grinned at the both the explanation and Peter's enthusiasm. His face was aglow with an optimism that his friend had rarely seen before the multiverse mishap.

"I haven't ever seen you this excited before. It's really sweet." They hadn't really had time to think about the words before they left their mouth, and upon realizing, stared down at their hands, feeling embarrassment and a tinge of regret.

Peter chuckled, much to their surprise, and the soft joy on his face served to wash away their worry. "IhI'm telling you, bugs. You're gonna be seeing a really different Peter Parker than the one you've known. More relaxed... happier... one with a lot more time for fun. I hope it doesn't scare you too much."

"Tryhy me, Parker," Y/N giggled, legs swinging again. "Seeing you happy and having fun is far from scary."

After a couple of tedious hours, and a snack break, Peter was ready to test the webbing, advising Y/N to prepare to duck behind the table if anything went awry. With a deep breath, his pressed his lips together and conducted the first experiment. Test after test was a success, and Peter sighed with relief, before throwing off his goggles and exclaiming in triumph.

"YES! Oh my God, we did it." He was pacing back and forth, before he saw Y/N still partially crouched behind the table and reached out his hand. "Come on. All clear now. We did it!"

"W-We?"

"Yes, we!"

"I-IhI didn't exactly... I'm not... I'm not a scientist, PetERRR~!" Their voice raised when they were very quickly pulled to standing. "I mean, I just sat here-"

"Y/NNN." Peter interrupted, tone of voice oozing with a warning. "Don't. even. Don't do that. We did this together."

Y/N briefly studied his expression, full of pride and glee. They finally relented. "AhAlright. We did it."

"That's what I'm talking about, bug! Woo!"

Following their mini celebration, Peter filled his web shooters with some cartridges of the formula, before setting the rest aside as he prepared it for storage. His hand moved around the table in search of the vials he needed, brows furrowing at the mess of equipment he'd laid out in the midst of testing. He wiggled his pointer finger as his hand hovered over a box, before he wiggled all of them and reached down to confirm he's found what he was looking for.

"Gotcha." Peter began filling the vials, watching carefully to make sure he didn't overfill.

What the science enthusiast hadn't seen, however, was Y/N's reaction to Peter wiggling his fingers. Their heart skipped a beat at the sight, silently cursing their nervous system for sending a phantom ticklish feeling up their sides. Seeing him wiggle one finger had been enough to make them respond in such a way, but their stomach swarmed with butterflies the moment he began wiggling all of his fingers.

In the years of their friendship, Y/N had managed to never let slip that they were ticklish. Thankfully, it hadn't ever really come up in the past. They were certain that if he did find out, that they'd never be able to live it down, and also, they really did not exactly mind the idea of being tickled... at all (especially if Peter was the one doing so).

Right as they were silently internally thanking their lucky stars that Peter didn't see how they'd reacted, Peter looked over at them, which made them jump a bit more than they would have liked to admit, and they awkwardly averted their eyes.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" He set down the vials and leaned closer. "I didn't mean to startle you, sorry."

"I-It's okay, Peter! R-Really... I-I, uh, guess I'm just a little jumpy right now," Y/N rambled, briefly willing their eyes to meet Peter's before they looked at their hands and fiddled with their fingers.

Peter nodded understandably, before moving to pick up the vials once more, again, wiggling his fingers before he did so. He caught Y/N shift in the chair out of the corner of his eye, and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're good?"

"Mhm! Never better! P-Peachy!"

It was very clear that Peter was not buying their answer, as they'd rapidly nodded, voice perhaps a bit too chipper. Nevertheless, he moved on, and carried the vials over to a safe. As soon as it was closed, he sighed, taking off his gloves and disposing of them in the trash. "One hurdle in becoming a better Spider-Man has been successfully leapt over. Now we need to think of something to do."

He sat down across from Y/N, who'd placed their hand under their chin with their elbow propped up. When Peter opted to sit the same way, Y/N giggled, and placed their other hand under their chin as well. Peter chuckled and copied their movement again. The two sat there, heads held up by their hands, as they tried to find a way to break the adorably awkward tension.

"So..." Peter started.

"Soooo..." Y/N repeated.

Peter grinned. "What should we do now?"

"Dihid you have any ihideas?" Y/N asked, unable to keep from giggling again.

"IhI've sort've forgotten how to have fun? Not... not like, forgotten forgotten, but it's just been a while. I don't know how to decide or where to start." Peter grinned again. "You gotta teach me."

"IhI'm not a good teacher, Peheter..."

"You've been giggling for two minutes straight, bugaboo. I think that indicates you're well versed in how to have fun."

"Youhou're mahaking me giggle!"

Peter laughed, looking down at the table with his entire head before sitting back up, and realizing he'd left a beaker out. With a deep, dramatic sigh, he stood up. "Guess I forgot to put this away."

Y/N had no time to brace for what they knew was coming, and visibly squirmed at the sight of Peter's fingers wiggling above the beaker. There was no possible way that their brain in that moment decided it was a good idea to make Y/N envision themself instead of the beaker... of course it still happened.

"Okay, am I missing something? That's like the third time something I've done has thrown you off. What's going on?"

"N-Nothing?"

"Are you sure about that?" Peter tilted his head curiously and leaned on the table with both his hands, before gesturing to the beaker. "Because I was just reaching for the beaker and- There it was! You did it again!"

"D-Did what!?"

"All I did was... Wait a minute," Peter pointed to the beaker, and then to Y/N, and then promptly looked down at his hands. "Are you... Wait a minute! You ticklish, Y/N?"

Damn it. Of course he had to say the word. Y/N shifted in their chair, adjusting their shoulders and biting their lip. "N-No...?"

"No? You totally just answered with the least amount of confidence in what you were telling me."

"Peter."

"Ohoh, don't you 'Peter' me bugaboo," Peter warned playfully. "Do you mean to tell me that in all the years of knowing you, I never figured this out?"

"W-We didn't really have much time for non Spider-Man related conversations, did we!?"

"Ouch. Point taken. But, how about we circle back to the whole 'my best friend is ticklish' situation." Peter rolled his pointed fingers around each other in a backwards motion to emphasize his words.

"You're making assumptions, Peter!"

"Am I?" Peter questioned with mock irritation. He slowly lifted his hand, pointer finger still out, and wiggled it. "Am I?"

Y/N couldn't stop the audible squeak, nor could they stay still, squirming again and looking away, stomach fluttering uncontrollably. Their ears were growing hot. They could feel them scorching.

"Youhou must be real ticklish if me wiggling one finger made you react that much."

"IhI'm not t-" There was no way Y/N was saying that word, and they cursed themself for trying. "Peter, th-this is ridiculous."

"Nuh uh. This sounds like it's gonna be a lot of fun~"

"P-Peter Benjamin Parker..." Y/N warned, slowly moving to stand up.

"Oh no! Not the full name!" Peter dramatically pretended to clutch his chest and raised his forearm to his forehead. "Anything but the full name! I'm powerless now!"

"Y-You're nohot funny!"

The cheesy but adorable smile on that man's face was making Y/N's heart beat faster. "Then why did you just giggle~?"

Y/N slowly began backing away from the table, eyes not leaving Peter's form for even one second. "W-Why are you... why are you rolling up your lab coat sleeves?"

"Because, I just found my next experiment." The 'too casual' tone of Peter's voice was concerning.

"O-Ohoh no..."

"Ohoh yes~"

There weren't really many places to run. Although the lab was pretty spacious, the only easy exit was to the right of Y/N. Peter saw them quickly eye the doorknob, and without missing a beat, the moment they moved to run, Peter webbed the door from top to bottom.

"Peter!"

"Oops. Sorry. My fingers slipped," Peter shrugged, a cocky laugh leaving his lips.

"You're such a dick."

"Who's the one calling me names?"

"Y-You webbed the damn door!"

"And you're stalling for time. I've got an experiment to conduct." Peter teasingly wiggled his fingers again, chuckling when Y/N squeaked and shot their hand up to their mouth to muffle the string of cuss words that were coming out of their mouth.

"D-Don't you dare. Dohohon't youhou dahAHAHAHARE! PEHEHEHETER!" Y/N shrieked when Peter suddenly ran toward them, sprinting away as fast as they could, only to jump and scream when he landed in front of them. Curse that spider agility. They were promptly swung over his shoulder, in one fluid motion, their screech making Peter laugh heartily. "Peheheheter! Thahahat wasn't fahahairrrr! Youhou ahand your stuhuhupid spihihdeher pohowehers!"

Peter was chuckling as Y/N kicked their legs in vain. He noticed immediately that they were definitely not kicking their legs as hard as he knew they could, and hadn't made much attempt to push off his shoulder. The gears began turning in his head, but he wasn't exactly sure why. Peter set his giggling friend down on the settee in the corner of the lab, webbing one of their wrists to the cushion without hesitation.

"Heheheheyyyy!"

"Alright! Now I can run some tests," he joked, adjusting his lap coat again. "I probably should've brought my clipboard with me for this. Oh well. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna remember the results."

Peter's teasing was making the anticipation so much worse. Y/N couldn't help but squeak from Peter's eyes meeting theirs. The longer he looked at them, the more they squirmed. "Stahap doing thahahaaat!"

"I'm juhust looking at you, bugs! I gotta study the test subject, don't I?" He placed his finger on his chin and pretended to think. "How should I start this experiment off...? Wait! Wait! I got it!"

Y/N let out a giggly whimper when Peter sat down on the edge of the couch and slowly lifted his hands into their line of vision. "D-Dohon't evehehen thihink ahabout it!"

"I've thought about it plenty, giggle-bug~"

"WHAHAT!?"

"You heard me~"

Y/N's face and ears were hotter than the lab's bunsen burner over the entire predicament they'd found themself in. Peter pretended to compose himself, putting on a fake serious face. "Alright. I gotta be serious now. This is a very important test. 'How ticklish is Y/N L/N?'"

"Dohohon't tihihitle tihihiiiis!"

His friend lightly kicked their legs and squealed as he began slowly spidering his fingers. Their free hand shot up to their face, partially hiding behind it and biting their lip in a poor attempt to fight off their urge to laugh.

"Is me just wiggling my fingers really that bad?"

"Yehehehess!"

"Ohohoh, this is gonna be so much more fun! Get ready bug~ I told you that you were about to see a different Peter Parker than the one you've known these past few years."

"Whahahat dohohoes thihIIIIS hahave tohoho doho wihihihith thahahat stahahatement!?" Y/N's voice spiked when Peter got close to their side and he snickered.

"Because, giggle-bug~ This Peter Parker is also the big. bad. tickle monster~" The voice Peter used sent a chill up Y/N's spine, had their stomach butterflies in overdrive, and made them screech and kick their legs even faster. "Aww~ Look at how much you're laughing already~! I haven't even tickled you yet~"

It was getting harder for Y/N to hide their giddiness. Little did they know, the gears in Peter's head were turning again.

"Stahahahap uhuhusihihihing thehehe voihoihoiiiiiice!"

"No can do, bugaboo~ Nuh uhhhh~ If it's making you giggle that much harder, then I have to~ I have tooooo~"

The sight of Peter teasingly fluttering his fingers combined with that damn voice had Y/N too flustered to look at him, and they covered their eyes with their arm, lightly biting their tongue and giggling harder.

"AhAlright, IhI think I've got enough data for this stage of the test. Conclusion? You're the most air ticklish person I have ever fucking met, bugs."

He gasped with feigned offense when Y/N flipped him off.

"Hey! Alright, that's IT!"

Y/N's hand shot down and they tucked their arm into their chest the moment Peter spidered his fingers on their sides, letting out a screech and arching their back, hiccuping with giggles. All of the anticipation their friend had made the inevitable outcome so. much. worse. The sensations were spreading to the rest of their torso and down their spine.

"PEHEHEHEHETERRRRR!" Their voice was the highest sounding Peter had ever heard it.

"WOAH! You sure you don't have powers, giggle-bug? No regular human is this ticklish. No fucking way."

"Fuhuhuhuck youhOUHOUHOUUU!" Peter pinched their hips and laughed at the pitch change in his friend's voice.

"Are you trying to make me tickle you more?" It had been an innocent question, but Y/N felt their heart jump into their throat, their eyes widening. It was then that Peter finally connected the dots. "Waaaaiiiiit. Wait. Hold on. You totally are."

Y/N was too giggly to feel upset, so they resorted to hiding their face in their hand and whined. He knew Y/N was starting to get embarrassed, and paused his hands, reaching up to carefully move Y/N's hand. "Bug."

Y/N bit their lip and kept their eyes glued to the back of the couch. "Buuuuug."

"Y-Yehehes...?" They were still giggling, but they sounded discouraged.

"Do you like this? I'm not being too mean, am I? Like... are you really having fun?"

The way Peter was asking the questions surprised Y/N, and with the little bit of bravery they had, they looked up at him. He looked worried... concerned... "Bugs?"

"I-I..." Y/N took a slow, deep breath, before resorting to nodding. "Y-You don't think it's weird that I... don't hate this whole situation...?"

"Is it weird if I said I'm having fun tickling you?" Peter questioned, unable to keep from smiling when he saw Y/N grow shy again and silently shake their head. "Bugaboo, I love seeing you laugh. I can't get enough of it. Especially since I never really got to before... at least not, you know, like this. I still can't believe I didn't know my best friend was ticklish."

"I went o-out of my way to make s-sure you wouldn't find out."

"You do realize that means I've got years worth of tickling to catch up on," Peter stated with a smirk.

"Whahahat!? H-Hehey! Peheheheter! PEHEHEHETER!" Y/N was squealing as Peter gently clawed their belly.

"Oh yeah~ You've got a free trip to giggleville~"

"NohoHOHOT THEHEHE VOHOHOIIICE! PEHEHEHETERRRR!"

It was a good five minutes before Y/N finally grabbed Peter's wrist with their free hand. "OKAHAHAY! OHOKAYYY! Nohoho mohohore! IhIhI'm gohonna dieeeeee!"

Peter chuckled, moving his hands away before freeing Y/N's wrist from the webbing. He sat there and admired them for several seconds, seeing how their expression was glowing and they were still smiling brightly, tears of mirth at the corner of their eyes.

"Thahat experiment was definitely a success." He held out his hands and Y/N grabbed hold of them. When he pulled them up to sit, he hadn't initially realized how close their faces were.

His heart beat a little faster, and he looked at his friend, who was still giggling. As he continued to laugh, his nose bumped against theirs a few times, their hands still gripping his. They looked up at him, face still warm, especially at how close they were.

"Youhou ruined thehehe sehettee wihihith the weheb..."

"IhIt wahasn't thahat ehexpensive!" The exchange only served to make the two laugh harder. When their laughter had finally died down, Peter smiled, before standing up.

"Whehere are youhou going?"

"To fill out my lab report." He declared.

"Youhour whahahat!?"

"Dihid you really think I wasn't going to write a report on how ticklish you are?"

"PEHETER!"

Peter yelped as Y/N jumped up and chased him around the lab, the two of them giggling uncontrollably all the while. Yeah, Y/N could definitely get used to the happy, fun-loving Peter Parker. On the other hand, Peter could get used to making more time to be that Peter Parker, and he could definitely get used to spending more time with Y/N.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHAHAHAHHASNJDK The gif lives in my head rent free. Again major thanks to the anon who gif'd it and a huge thank you to the awesome folks who beta read this fic! (Your feedback was super encouraging)!

Of all the fics I have written so far, this one absolutely flustered me the most. That finger wiggle makes me want to scream 😖🏃🏽‍♀️

See you for the next fic lovelies 🤍

[hurtsprincess]

The Rest That’s Still Unwritten

Hi folks! 👋🏻

Today I wanna establish a new category / posting-series on this blog, and as you can guess from the title (...if you know, you know 😉), this will be all about yet unwritten stories. Or to be exact: About my many, many drafts, unfinished works and raw concepts 🤓

Cause there really are a lot of them by now! Since I started writing Carlando-fanfiction in 2020, I’ve had so many cool ideas for stories, long or short, that I sadly just cannot realise them all anymore by now - the old problem of ‘so many projects, so little time’ that probably every creative mind knows… 😬

However, even if I personally love them all, there are nonetheless some ideas that I don’t think will ever overcome the state of just ‘vibing’ with them in my head. For whatever reason, I just don’t see me actually writing them - let it be plot holes, unanswered questions, too high efforts or that I just don’t “feel” them anymore to really take on the writing journey. (Especially with the longer projects!)

But because I like these basic ideas nonetheless and feel pretty bad for leaving them in my “not now”-folder and would rather want to somehow appreciate them - I thought, why should I not write them down in a shortened form and share them with you still? 🤓

As something somewhere between what you call a ‘prompt’ and a ‘ficlet’ here or the like - sorry, I’m not good with internet slang, haha 🙈 But just something that will give you a little movie in your head and that you might enjoy still, even if it’s not properly narrated - and that also allows me to clear my mind of the many open tabs 🙈

...and yeah, that is exactly what will happen in this category 🤗

(Oh, by the way, if you happen to like one draft a lot and want to turn it into an actual story, please feel free and do it!! ♥ Just please credit me for the idea and of course send me the link later if you publish it, cause I’d definitely LOVE to read your take on them! 🤩🤩)

…so, enough of explanations - let’s get started with the first story that I will not write! Which is also the most recent idea on my list, since it is the continuation of my latest one-shot “Red like Love / Rot wie die Liebe”.

I know I said in the notes that I won’t write a part 2, because these scenarios have been done often enough meanwhile (in my eyes) - but that doesn’t change that said scenario just won’t leave my head anymore ever since, haha. Because I do have a clear vision of what will happen next… 👀

So I decided to word it, for everyone else who might want to know, too. But, warning: If you haven’t read the actual OS yet and don’t want any spoilers, then please don’t click on the cut and read the main story first! ☝🏻

#1 Red like Love / Rot wie die Liebe Part II

We’re picking up right where the original story has ended: With Lando standing on Carlos’ doorstep, breathless from his flight from the Lola Lounge, and desperate to talk to his now ex-teammate.

Carlos, in turns, is of course massively confused - considering both the time (somewhat middle of the night) and the unexpectedness of their reunion, since the two of them had not really seen each other ever since the departure from their last race as teammates together in Abu Dhabi. Of course they had in a way taken notice of each other during the testing week, but only briefly and from afar, as they both had been busy with their respective, now different teams. So they had not talked really ever since December, and neither texted or communicated at all in any other way than liking each other’s Instagram posts and viewing their stories, in order to keep up with what the other one is doing. Because after all, they do not hate each other. Of course they don’t. They used to be best friends before Carlos’ last day at work, and even more. They have just never talked about it, but they have never argued or the like.

And probably that dynamic, combined with the surprise effect and the rest-sleepiness in his head, is the reason why the Spaniard doesn’t yell at him what the f he is doing here so late at night, waking him up and everything, but steps back from the door and actually invites Lando in - albeit still in massive confusion over this situation. Is he maybe only dreaming the whole thing…?

But on the other hand, he apparently is also glad to see him again so unexpectedly - or at least does it look like that to Lando. In the way that he watches him come into the room, with a faint shimmer of anticipation and… hope? in his chocolate-brown eyes.

And also from how his ex-teammate, who still looks strange to him in his Ferrari-shirt, is not  interested in small talk when Lando nervously makes a first comment about that this is a nice room - even if his own one, two floors down, looks pretty much just the same. The typical medium business suite that they stay in wherever they go for a race.

But in this moment, it feels so much smaller and narrower and just more… intimate, especially in the only very dim lighting - obviously, Carlos has only switched the night lamp on his bedside-table on when he has made his way to the door.

Maybe the abrupt waking is also the reason why he is not interested in having a casual chit-chat about hotel interior, but shuts it down instantly. “You did not really come here to talk about my room now, did you?”, he asks, a litte passive-aggressively, and from his face, it is beyond doubt that he would then get but angry.

Which Lando definitely doesn’t want.

Shaking his head, he says: “No, no, of course not-”

And when he sees the hopeful, begging, unspoken ‘then what…?’ in Carlos’ eyes, this is the last call that the younger one needs to speak out the truth that he has been carrying with over the whole winter: “It’s just- I- I miss you.”

Three words which hit Carlos like a thunderbolt, catching him so off-guard that he cannot even reply anything - but Lando doesn’t wait for his reaction either. As it seems, once he is talking about this, he can’t stop anymore; and so he tells Carlos everything.

That he is aware that he has never said it explicitly and has, even more, denied it even in this one press conference. But that he does miss him. That he has known it before that he would, but that he was too afraid to admit it even to himself. Because he was too scared of kicking something off  in his mind that would change everything and that he could never un-think again.

But the truth is, he misses Carlos. Every time he sits in the briefings or has to do social media content, which used to be so much fun last year when they were doing their shenanigans, or just comes to the track and sees a different number than 55 in the other side of the garage.

He misses Carlos, and- he says that he can’t really narrow down why either, but he just wanted  to let him know that.

But no, that is not true - the younger one knows exactly WHY he wanted him to know.

Because he also misses him beside him in the far too big hotel-bed at nighttime. He misses feeling his palms roaming over his skin, misses kissing him, misses sharing things with him that nobody else does. Misses him, in every aspect of his life.

However - these feelings appear to be one-sided, given how Carlos stands there and just… looks at him when he’s finished. Stares at him with wide eyes from shock, speechless, motionless.

As a result of which Lando suddenly is very aware of what he has just done here.

“S-sorry. That was weird-…”, he mumbles and makes moves to turn around and take flight from the suddenly even smaller, far too small hotel room. “I better go-”

But ere he could reach his hand out for the handle, Lando feels a grip on his wrist, and before he knows, he finds himself with his back against the door and Carlos right in front of him, staring him down with the intensity of a supernova in his eyes.

“Is that true?”, he wants to know, with his voice so low in awe that it scratches, and his face as serious as never before. “You… miss me?”

And blame it on the intensity of the moment and how close they are suddenly again, but even though he at the same time is embarrassed for his break-out, Lando can’t lie. Can’t deny it.

No more.

Carlos would see it anyway in his face, as close as they are.

So the younger one just nods, slowly; his voice hoarse from honesty. “Y-yeah…” He gulps. “A lot…”

His eyes insecurely scan Carlos’ mien for any reaction, but only for a second - cause already in the next moment, Lando finds himself pressed against the door and involved in a stormy kiss when Carlos downright desperately pushes his lips onto his.

The Briton has reckoned with everything, but not with that, but of course he does not complain - within seconds, the switch from ‘anxiety’ to ‘enjoyment’ in his brain is flicked and he without thinking returns the kiss.

It’s only for a few seconds, until Carlos once more breaks away to breathe a — by now rather superfluous — “I miss you too…” against his lips, before their mouths are locked again and they are kissing like they used to throughout all the last year; as if they had never stopped, as if December and the unevitable goodbye has never happened - but at the same time, the feelings hit so much deeper than back then.

Cause between the kisses that they share, still at the room door, Carlos tells him in chopped portions that he has been through just the same. That he has missed him all the way. That he has only understood how much he means to him — that he has always been more than just his teammate, his muppet friend, his bed neighbour — when they have been about to be separated. That he has wanted to say it and has so often in the last weeks of the season been close to do so, but that he has never dared it in the end.

Because he has been too scared that Lando wouldn’t feel the same, given how reserved the younger one has always acted when someone has addressed the topic of the team-change.

But in his overwhelm over hearing all these beautiful words from Carlos’ mouth, the younger one also doesn’t know any hold-back anymore and clears it all that up. That this has only been for self-protection. That he has had such a feeling as well, but that he has not wanted to deal with it. Has wanted to prevent the chaos that it would cause in his head, if he’d admit to himself that he is not only bisexual or ‘curious’, as he has first thought when they have started going to bed together - but that he has somehow caught actual feelings for Carlos. More than he has ever felt for anybody.

So he has just pushed every glimpse of that down, filed it under nostalgic sentimentality in the view of the upcoming end of their time together, and just tried to put on a brave front. Cause as long as you don’t think about it, it’s not true, right?

But the visit to the strip club has brought his so strainedly kept-up facade of self-betrayal to crack, and made the whole issue — the truth — impossible to ignore it any further.

Admittedly, Carlos makes big eyes of surprise when he hears that his always so innocent and younger-looking friend has been to a strip club - but this is not the time to crack jokes. Because only his experiences there, even if they do indeed sound very amusing, have made Lando realise what he feels.

What he has always felt.

“I- I guess I love you, Carlos…”, he whispers and even if a part of him still cannot believe that this is actually happening — that he is actually saying this to him —, these words feel so damn right on Lando’s tongue.

And even better do they sound in his ears, when Carlos returns the magic phrase…

Latest from then on, they both do not know any reservation anymore, and neither does one of them bother about the late hour and the exact circumstances. The only thing that matters to them are each other, about so unexpectedly being united again and to get over to the bed, in order to have it a little more comfy for the obviously following making-out-session…

Originally, this is where I saw the story ending for me: With the two of them in bed, cuddling up close and just glad over having the respective other one. I only wanted to make Lando utter a affectionate, cheeky comment like “Red suits you, by the way”, concerning the new team colours on the Spaniard and because he has not actually congratulated him on being able to wear them yet — to throw a bridge back to the beginning and the title.

But, you know, just an overall sweet, happy ending scene.

But! After an involuntary inspiration from a lovely reader (…you know who you are ♥), the scene developed further in my head and I saw Carlos giggling a “Thank you” before my inner eye - and then how the two of them exchange a look of the ‘are we thinking the same?’-kind. Yes, they are. And so, Carlos will slowly move his hands to get rid of this shirt - and then will give Lando an exclusive demonstration of what an enjoyable private dance is like… 😁 😏

And with these images in your head, I’ll leave you for now - this is really it for this story now 😉 Hope you liked the little add-on and see you next time, for the next unwritten story ♥