#the wind will never change on us

[optimistic-autistic]

some days i'm fine but then i remember that orpheus did not keep a single one of his promises during the whole show. a liar and a player too huh

[margomadisons]

uh oh just made the very big mistake of thinking about rook/emmrich while listening to "all I've ever known" from the hadestown london album

[asavt]

Into the confessionary a little spider walked

Mind not quite there

Quite lost

Memories scrambled around, confused

Pain flaring up, things that shouldn't have been said out

Siblings falling apart

Guilt over forgotten acts

[dxxtruction]

Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.

He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.

That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).

Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.

50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"

Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.

They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.

This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.

Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.

[sworn-in-blood]

@constellationcursed to MATÍAS ALLEN .

i get to say goodbye.

Everything that could possibly have gone wrong went wrong.

Matías had rushed to her side the second he could — infected and injured, Cass was on a ticking timer , and the rest of them didn't have time to waste either.

Still, he propped her up a little, her head in the crook of his elbow as she lay gently in his arms. He would stay here as long as he could, get her some help, they'd make it out and they had to. His gun was scattered across the floor, he didn't care to pick it up — if Cass was to die here, he'd remain until he was torn away from her himself.

"No. We're getting out of here. You and me ."

There's a small smile , an intake of breath . Rebecca had to be on her way soon — his hand stroked through her hair in a gesture he hoped would help. There was no goodbyes here , he couldn't just accept that and condemn her to fall . Matías had to remain optimistic, he couldn't allow that tear to fall — it wasn't over yet. There had to be a way to help her.

"Just . . just keep talking to me , yeah? Becca's . . she's on her way with something that'll help ."

[swordheld]

how do you think in poems? i really enjoy the tags under your posts i've always wanted to write down my own thoughts that way bc in my head they feel so thorough and magical but whenever i put it in words i feel it just gets so much flatter and i no longer see a point and give up

oh oh oh, but lovely, can't you see that you've already started? it's a perspective that you hone, over time, something that is specific to you and you alone – that's the piece of it that makes it so special! you've already begun, and it only goes forward, up, sideways from here, wherever you wish to go!

think of it like a skill, for a moment, or a kind of muscle, if you'd prefer. you have to work at it, with it, over time and differing experiences, in order to progress.

(a quick important note: not progression as in the kind of quality-check of a grading scale, but progression as in evolution. shifting change. think of the leaves and their colors across the months of autumn, or temperatures rising with the sun and cooling with the evening dark. change isn't intrinsically a qualifying thing, it can just be, sometimes. this is difficult to remember, especially in the midst of frustration, but it is worth it. you are always doing better than you think you are – harshest critic, and all that.)

which is not to say that it's a simple thing to do! compare this to the vibe of me picking up crochet recently, with my shaking hands and too-quickly dwindling adhd focus – my first attempts at making a lil headphone sprout have not been going as well as i once hoped. my stitches are either too big and sloppy bc i'm not holding the yarn tightly enough to get clean ones, or i feel frustrated due to it not looking like how i'd like it to look in my mind when i started it, or even as i begin my umpteenth attempt.

but!! i know that it won't ever look the way i want it do if i set it down and never keep trying. it'll take awhile, like everything does, even the seasons take their time, the moon and its phases; but what i do know, is that, eventually, it'll resemble something i want it to. vaguely, maybe, but it is something. it doesn't have to look exactly like the guide i'm following, or the examples i'm inspired by, because it's mine – something made by my own hands, my own time and experience with every mistake and thrilling joy along the way to learn by.

take it from me: i want to be good at things i want to be good at so badly. and that excitement makes me want to be at the skill level i need to be at in order to do so right then and there, no learning curves or building blocks allowed. which is never how it happens, unfortunately, but –

i think, gently, that we tend to overlook what a pleasure it is to learn. to see the slow progression of things, to begin and change and continue and get better. and even if it's different as we go along, in a way it's our own little kind of magic, maybe, to create and never be done if we don't want to be.

which is all to say: it's already yours. why does it have to be anything else, anything more? why can't it just be good as it is now, where it might never be again? what is there to lose by enjoying the moment of where you are?

like everything, it will grow and shift and evolve with time, maybe into something you'd hoped for, or maybe into something you don't even have the words to describe right now at all. but that's the fun of it: how even now, even then, there, across time and distance and skill, there is a common thread of things; it will always come from your heart, your experience, where you are right then and there and now.

and if you think of that like magic, well, it becomes a little like magic, doesn't it?

also, something to consider: sometimes things you feel or think can't be put into words at that moment, or even at all! something else you could try (that i certainly do) is making something else with whatever it makes you feel - whether that's another form of art, or any other kind of media. if it makes you want to go outside and take a walk or get cozy and read or play a video game? that counts too! that's still an experience, you're still feeling.

i think that counts a little more than anything else, you know?

and as a little ending fun side-note, can i share something cool? i've never thought of it that way before, as thinking in poems. in my mind it's always been a kind of perspective of personal wonder, but you're right – it's poetry, in it's own way. you gave me that – so thank you, from the heart of me. i hope your journey finds you with every bright joy.

[silverselfshippingchaos]

sometimes I forget i just have a random ass picture of s.ugiura on my bedroom wall LMAAAOO I saw it in the dim lighting of my nightlight and got a little startled ajdbajsb

[candycryptids]

The extraordinary talent to fall asleep while your love reads to you and have such strong priorities you don’t drop the book

[fuzzyunicorn]

Me as fuckin’ (burnin’) Hell when I get my summons 2 b Visenya Targaryen 

[wifeiy]

all ive ever known is how to hold my own but now i wanna hold you too

[imflyingfish]

.

[is-this-tf]

so out of curiosity. what ISNT tf

Unserious answer: Cisformation

Serious answer: Actually cisformation is kind of correct- the changing or rearranging of things or components of something or someone while the central core and identity of what it is or what it's for stays the same, is by definition not TF, or transformation.

Autistic answer: I've honestly been internally rationalizing so many little things as being TF in my everyday life that it took me a while to think of an answer for this question. I try to keep the more Out There rationalizations regarding this outside the blog when making judgments over what's TF, and keeping to things that can be more easily understood without reaching, but it's also just Fun for me to play with these ideas on my own time. Someone posting a weight loss or gain journey on instagram is TF, baking a cake from scratch is TF, even changing clothes being TF- there's arguments to be made and all, especially when factoring the psychological or emotional dimension to them, but thinking outside of that for a moment....

What really defines TF is the Change that occurs to someone or something, so even when accounting for the potential broader definitions regarding what kinds of change is or isn't TF, something that has no change to it in the First place would not be TF. So, static characters who stay the same and don't really change over the course of a given period of time, or tools that have a set function and are generally left alone until the next time they're used, and the like, are not TF.

[sworn-in-blood]

@constellationcursed from here

Matías had been concerned for Cass ever since she supposedly returned to life. Relieved was a very good word to describe it too, and she had clearly been exhausted for the better part of the last couple of days — he wished he could do something to help. Hurt had been felt when she came back all of a sudden, after all, she had told him nothing , but that had rapidly been overshadowed by relief instead .

"And now you're doing something else ."

It was said with a small smile on his expression, holding her in his arms , carefully and not even daring to entertain the thought of letting her fall. He loved her , he really did , but she needed rest and not to stress herself about minute details until it caught up to them .

"Okay . Then we go stargazing ."

[empathbled]

tag drop.

↳ ooc ⸻ ❛ i can make myself look٬ but the thinking is shutting down. ❜ ↳ promo ⸻ ❛ everyone has thought about killing someone٬ one way or another. ❜ ↳ memes ⸻ ❛ you won't like me when i'm psychoanalyzed. ❜ ↳ starter call ⸻ ❛ wind him up and watch him go. ❜ ↳ crack ⸻ ❛ i feel crazy. ❜ ↳ queue ⸻ ❛ do you feel alive? ❜

↳ about ⸻ ❛ i felt terrified٬ and then i felt powerful. ❜ ↳ meta ⸻ ❛ i feel like i am spilling. ❜

↳ images ⸻ ❛ i'm not even sure if i'm awake now. ❜ ↳ music ⸻ ❛ i could use a good scream٬ i can feel one perched under my chin. ❜ ↳ desires ⸻ ❛ but it wasn't real٬ it wasn't real. ❜

↳ answers ⸻ ❛ it's not any easier. shake it off٬ keep on looking. ❜ ↳ speech ⸻ ❛ i know what kind of crazy i am٬ but this isn't that kind of crazy. ❜

↳ hannibal ⸻ ❛ do you believe you could change me the way i've changed you? ٬ i already did. ❜ ↳ abigail ⸻ ❛ never again. only in my memories sleepless in the dark shall i still tread the old paths. ❜

↳ verse ⸻ ❛ special agent٬ this is my design. ❜ ↳ verse ⸻ ❛ after the fall٬ this is my legacy. ❜

[iniziare]

This feels so good to do. Tag drop: Ezio Auditore. Verses for GI/HSR/DA are a WIP.

[sasquach-scratches]

Anyways always glad to see that I'm not the only one burnt out on trying to work my characters into ESO's stories because they really want to stick to the whole "it's always 2e 582 do it in any order" thing and are allergic to changing the status quo