#the whole album is great tho would recommend!
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art--harridan · 1 year ago
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[Image description: A digital drawing based on the film Shallow Grave. Alex Law is at the centre of the piece, face set in an anxious grin. His eyebrows are furrowed in worry. There's a drill hole in his forehead that's dripping blood, and also a knife in his left shoulder that is also bloody. He's stuck in a vast pile of dirt, which travels up to his waist. One of his hands is slightly submerged while the other is pulling a telephone out of the dirt. The latter one is near some drops of blood on the ground. Further down, there's a pile of money seemingly beneath the dirt. Further up and behind Alex, there's the silhouettes of two graves and a shovel leaning on the second one. The first is very bloody, while the other has less blood splattered on. The night sky is dark and starless, though there is a bright red moon in the sky. The colours for the piece are similarly red-toned.]
Inktober - Day 24 (Shallow)
Film - Shallow Grave (Danny Boyle, 1994)
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torihakaraublog · 5 months ago
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Obey Me! NB "Happy School Life" Pop Quiz Event
Oh my goodness! Has it really been a month since I last posted?? June went by super fast!
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The club activity event was okay in my mind. A bit dull club activity wise, would have liked more more in depth explanation of the activities. Plus once again where was Beel! stop hiding him! (tho as of writing this the current event seems to be Beel themed so yay!)
However, there was some very sweet/fun character moments. We got to hear about how dedicated Beel is to his club + making new members feel welcome.
We got kendo Diavolo *blushes*. Kendo suits him really well! Plus possessive Diavolo when we are taking photos of the band group (Lucifer, Barbatos, Simeon - lead singer Lucifer hehe).
Also there was a fun Asmo/Solomon dynamic going on. I love how they ended up being the only members in their respective clubs so they got placed in a room together ALONE. I'm sure they both enjoyed that teehee.
Putting together a photo album at the end + Diavolo giving us a picture was cute too :3
I wanna read Satan's detective novel! (when he's ready to share of course)
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Missed out on Levi's shower card, but it looks great! I love how hes super excited about the shirt and when its unlocked hes wearing it happily. Its such a typical anime shirt design style! 10/10
Lucifer Birthday Event!
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Please! Lucifer's birthday event was amazing! If irl I could do this stuff with him I would be very pleased <3
Ended up playing it a few days after Lucifer's birthday while waiting for my sis's graduation to start xD It was good to pass the time, except the seats were all conected so every time someone stood up the whole row shook!
A good breakfast with the family, visiting a bookstore (where we both get stuff cause its the worst when you buy something, but your date does not), the opera, spending a quiet dinner together at a nice bar, and dancing!
Loved how when the brothers found out I was spending the day alone with Lucifer, Levi was the first to object. Then Beel was the voice of reason being like "Guys its Lucifer's birthday we can be jealous another day, just not today!" What a good lil bro.
The part at the bar where Lucifer says "Its a shame I can only enjoy this on my birthday." I know he says that cause his drink is a special 'birthday drink' you can only get on your birthday. But since I don't drink I'm gonna pretend he said that since he's the only one who is drinking xD I usually get cranberry juice or gingerale when I'm out.
Obey Me! NB "The Devildom RAD Rangers" Pop Quiz Event
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It was fun and silly event. The outfits were very nice for all the characters. Very modest (except Beel's), but on theme. Would have liked Mammon to be a hero tho! Was a missed opertunity for character development. Kinda was everyone vs Mammon.
Lots of good duos - Levi and Asmo practicing poses. Lucifer and Diavolo getting fancy cells. Think there was a Simeon and Solomon moment (I don't remember).
Super cute moment where you get to cuddle Beel and Bel at the same time to release a power move. (Yes that's totally why we were doing that lol)
Normally I don't get around to reading the devilgrams, but I did read the "Brother's no more" memory one and highly recommend. As both a Lucifer and Simeon main it was an interaction I have been hoping would happen at some point! ^_^
***
I might not be... normal about the next/current event xD so my next post might be a bit wacky lmao
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nabwastaken · 3 months ago
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so I watched Heathers live
so for those unaware, the musical Heathers is currently on tour throughout the UK and I got to see it since it's in my town rn! (Shoutout to my brother for buying the tickets). I saw it live so here's a few notes and my review on it
For context I have seen and listened to the Original Off Broadway version, but have not seen the West End proshot and only listened to the added songs for it.
Also I have horrible memory so I may get stuff or misremember stuff wrong. Feel free to ask me a few questions abt my experience in the replies/rbs
Let's jump in!
Notes and Observations:
Ram and Kurt were really good. Like, they had awesome comedic timing and were always a treat to see onstage
Heather Chandler STOLE THE SHOW!!! Her actress was so talented and she rocked the vocals of Candy Store so much. She had such a presence every time she was onstage
But my favorite of all of them was JD. God, he was so fucking good. The Freeze Your Brain climax? Mwah, chef's kiss that was amazing. I was legit at the edge of my seat throughout Meant To Be Yours. When he yelled “VERONICA!” There was legit a growl as he yelled it out.
Kurt's Dad in Dead Gay Son had a fantastic voice
One of the nerd ensemble members was really funny. Like in Shine a Light he just shoved himself in front of Fleming to dance and that was so funny
The accents were WAYYY better than on the West End cast album. Which makes sense, apparently JD's actor was Canadian
There were a few lyric changes. Can't name them off the top of my head but they caught me slightly off guard when I heard them (particularly in Dead Gay Son with a whole verse)
The added songs weren't that bad! I still prefer Blue to You're Welcome but seeing it live changed my opinion on it and Kurt and Ram were both shoving each other and fighting throughout the number and it was really funny (though it was unintended). Thematically I still refuse to get behind the song tho (but that's a post for another day) Never Shut Up Again was so good!! Heather Duke absolutely ATE IT UP AND LEFT NO CRUMBS. I Say No was.. fine tho.
And the lighting was spectacular. There was specially colored lights for each of the Heathers that would shine on them after their big numbers and during Never Shut Up Again there's a REALLY cool thing where they rip off Duke's clothes to reveal Heather Chandler's red ones and then the lights turned to red and started flashing everywhere in the theatre. And during Dead Gay Son all the lights were rainbow colored. AND WHEN THE SCHOOL BLEW UP ALL THE LIGHTS JUST FLICKERED AND STUFF IT WAS SO COOL
Shine a Light was great. Fleming was absolutely hilarious and they all had these bedazzled jackets. When she asked for volunteers literslly all the students behind her raised their hands but she kept going anyway. There was a bit where after the "Steve, I'm ending our affair!" Part a spotlight shone on a random man in the audience and Fleming just flirts with that poor man. Like it's a lot it and it was hilarious. Later on in the stage door she says that it's improv every night and at the start of the show she picks an audience member and then writes it down on the board.
Speaking of the stage door: Everyone was so nice! We got selfies with them (that I will not be showing for privacy reasons) and some of them even signed my program!
Overall thoughts:
That was really good! Solid 8/10 from me. It holds up on par and sometimes even better than the original off bway cast! If you live in any of the cities they're touring to next, I would highly recommend buying tickets and checking it out if you can.
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whatiwillsay · 21 days ago
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Matty is extremely intelligent. People underestimate him cause he yaps a lot and talks in stream of consciousness. There’s a reason Taylor said she would build a fort on a planet where they can all understand it.
Taylor’s team was the one that said “she had fun but it was always casual” when they broke up. Meanwhile he was literally crying on stages. And she was down bad crying at the gym apparently.
It was never casual with Taylor so he probably will write about her in a round about way but not directly. He couldn’t be a love bomber when Taylor wrote songs about him like “The 1” and “Cardigan” in 2020.
But also how could he actually put out a response album about her at this point? He’s engaged and she’s in a serious relationship. Swifties would tear him a new one and his fiancé would prob be embarrassed too. Nothing he could say would be respectful to their current situation. So he’s right. It wouldn’t be honest and it’s old news. I will always be sad we didn’t get a collab before it all went sour though. I do recommend the podcast. It’s got some very interesting points about culture and social media/fans and art and capitalism. I’ll take 2 hours of that convo over a football podcast any day.
when has matty ever proved himself to be intelligent? he makes some great music but he doesn’t seem particularly intelligent. his podcast clip left me underwhelmed he seemed like someone who was over speaking to try and sound smart but not saying much of substance.
other than that i agree with your musings. it’s true swifties would eat him alive if he wrote a whole lot about the relationship(i expect he still will comment on it tho)
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lafortis · 6 months ago
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if you have more modern rap suggestions i'd love to hear them! i really dig 90s/00s underground rap but i haven't found a lot of new stuff that scratches that same itch.
Lemme come back to this later because I gotta go light some stuff, but yeah, pretty much that's just kinda how it is. In terms of west coast hip hop, kendrick and earl have been holding down the lyricism department for a good ten years now (side note: absolutely criminal we never got them on the same track, and I think we're well past the point in both their careers where it would even make sense, but they're big fans of each others work lmao). Earls old shit (I'm thinking of Doris mainly, and somewhat I Dont Like Shit I Don't Go Outside) is more grungy and old-school sounding, but also he was young and Odd Future, so there's a lot of misogyny, shock horror ass lyrics with violence against women as a main theme repeatedly (which he's since recanted aggressively and last I saw he mostly makes fun of fans of his earlier music and by extension himself for being like that lmao), his new stuff is more mellow but also less bar heavy (just imo, some people love it even more). Mavi is someone I haven't had the time to get into much but heard recently, and he literally just sounds like 2013 Earl vocally, but with some solid modern bars and production, so that's nice. MIKE is also seemingly pretty earl influenced, but again, haven't got into him myself. They're both east coast tho. Actually calling Earl west coast feels crazy cus he's so heavily DOOM inspired, almost feels like dudes inspired by him being east coast makes more sense lol. Vince Staples is a no-brainer if you haven't heard of him, he's pretty much the exact description of what you're looking for I think. I started with Summertime '06 because that was what he put out when I was getting into hiphop, but his first project Hell Can Wait EP was great too, and he only got better and more artistic from there. I've never been into Jay Rock a ton, but his feature verses on Kendricks shit do a lot for me, and ScHoolboy Q makes mostly just bangers and gang shit but in a fairly old-school kinda way I guess. Not ab soul tho. Everyone on black hippy (the group comprised of those two, Kendrick and him) can get a shoutout except for ab soul. He's ruined too many of my fav songs with wack features lmao.
Freddie Gibbs is another AA rapper that sounds very old school and VERY west coast, but he's actually in the news literally right now about some allegations so maybe fuck him? seems uncertain and also as a fan of old school hip hop you may be less shocked by (especially gang affiliated) rappers being Not Good People, but still, it's 2024 and it'd be nice to bring that energy to hiphop at large.
In east coast terms... Fuck. Who do I even listen to that's east coast lol. Well, Run The Jewels is also a no-brainer, and El-P is NY at least lol. All three of their albums and any of their solo stuff would be great for you. J Cole is to me the epitome of mid, but lots of people who profess an appreciation for the old school seem to like him, so hey. I'd just 2014 Forest Hills Drive as a starting point I think. In the Midwest Chance the Rapper was great, and could be great again. You could start with Acid Rap or 10 Day, move on to Coloring Book, and then just pretend Chance's Big Day doesn't exist like the rest of us. Denzel Curry is solid as hell these days but I've never gotten into a whole project, just singles like Ultimate, RICKY, Walkin, and especially SUMO | ZUMO (iirc I was like "did he just say Zuko lmao" and that's what got me into him). Oh and Your Old Droog is highly spoken of but I haven't gotten into him personally, just no time lol.
Flying Lotus's rap alter ego Captain Murphy is great, I've never listened to one of his full projects tho. Really backpacker ass Kendrick fans have always recommended Ka, specifically Honor Killed the Samurai, to me, but personally I just bounce off it every time. Might be of interest tho. And finally, if you're interested in some more experimental shit, first you should go ask Brett afloweroutofstone (not tagging him but that's literally his brand), but second I'd say CLPPNG by clipping. is a good experimental album with great bars. Also Daveed Diggs was in Hamilton but we just don't talk about that.
Anyway I gotta go do my job but hope this helps!
Edit: rereading this and I realize I absolutely do not have to come back to this lmao. That's pretty much all my good recommendations
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anotherpapercut · 1 year ago
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Ayo, as someone whose only hallucinogenic experiences have been in the following, what are your thoughts on/have you tried DMT and/or salvia (divinorum)? I tried both in the one night a couple of years ago and it was an incredibly enjoyable experience but I've not tried other hallucinogens, I wouldn't mind knowing how you compare it to other hallucinogens! (if you can)
I've not tried salvia but I have tried dmt a couple times and funnily enough I fucking HATED it. like I've tried maybe 2.5 times and I remember the whole time (for context for those who don't know, dmt lasts like 15 minutes max lmao) being like "holy shit I need this to be over NOW holy fuck I'm gonna DIE" bc for me it honestly felt like insanely intense sensory overload. like everything was loud and bright and assaulting my brain. a poster of some kittens saved my fucking life one of the times ajhdkabdjd I stared at them and they gently lifted me back to reality
so I think if you started with DMT and salvia ur fuckin GOOD bro like ur ready lol. acid is pretty similar feeling to DMT except imo a lot less intense, and it lasts all fucking day so you can do a lot of Fun Activities. shrooms are pretty similar, usually a lot easier to tailor ur dose ime and they last like 5-7ish hrs usually as opposed to the like 8-15 you get with acid. so w those two I think if you liked DMT and salvia you'll probably like them, bc they're very similar just less intense and longer acting! from what I've experienced the visuals and stuff are slightly different on all of these but it's the same kind of experience. so most people I know have 1 favorite that for whatever reason meshes best w their brain (I'm an acid guy, most people I know find shrooms to be gentler tho!)
MDMA is probably my personal favorite in the psychedelic class because that shit is straight happiness to your brain. music is great on most drugs but on molly oh my god. like. you need to dance bc all of your cells are dancing. and you LOVE. just so much LOVE. I recommend doing a candy flip (acid and molly) or a hippie flip (shrooms and molly) bc the effects play off each other and make for an extremely pleasant experience (provided you're being safe of course!!!!). I would NOT do this ur first time for clarification, because you always wanna see how you do on stuff alone first but if you end up liking them keep it in the back of ur mind for someday when ur favorite band releases a new album or smth :)
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reddoll123 · 1 year ago
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Hey, so here’s my lil’ mini review of SHINee's 8th album Hard after listening to the whole thing twice:
Hard: First time I listened to it was from the mv, and I wasn't sure about it. And so after listening to it twice more via the album, I'm set in just not caring for it. Like, there are parts of the song that I love, like when they harmonize while singing Ohh~, the Hard like a criminal part, the bridge and classic high note at the end of it--but still not the full song. Like some parts felt too disjointed but not even in a good way. So, yeah this might be the first title track from them that I don't care for. Oh well, I know the b-sides will be amazing tho 'cause it's them~
Juice: Ooh the beat for this! 'Kay, I'mma have to disagree with my faves in that I think that this should've been the title track instead of Hard. Like it has Kenzie and Dem Jointz and Adrian Mckinnon as the writers? It was destined to be fire! So I can safely say, so far this is my top song lol. (This does feel like the sister song of DCM though, so I do kinda get it not being the title track at the same time since title tracks shouldn't be too similar.)
10X: Oooooh, such a smooth song already just from the start. Makes me feel expensive like I'm sauntering through a romantically lit downtown era with shopping bags in my hand lol. A nice finger snapping, foot tapping song aka it's really really nice!! SHINee never disappoints with their vocals and harmonies bruh <3. Another top fave!
Satellite: Gave me a nostalgic feeling right away, and kinda reminded me of an older song of theirs. This is such a pretty song, especially the chorus when they go all Ahhh~, really helps make the song feel lifted and light <3. Taemin being at the front as they sing really helps with that as well ^^.
Identity: Immediately thought this was a Key song 'cause it's sumn he would choose for his album (which is a great thing) with the retro yet futuristic vibe the song gives. Anyways, this is a nice bop!
The Feeling: I've already heard this one a few times from the pre-released mv, and it's still real nice. Love the brass, and drumkicks in the beat plus their vocals ofc :3.
Like It: That chorus is real nice! Song is like the definition of quintessential poppy SHINee--just feel good and bright~ I def like this one a lot hehe.
Sweet Misery: Song's okay, like I love the beat and melody but the chorus is a bit of a let down.
Insomnia: Song's also okay though once it got to the 2nd chorus, I started really vibing with this one lol, paying attention to the swing feeling, the piano etc.
Gravity: This is the closest to a ballad in this album, and they once again sound so beautiful together. And I really dig the punchy beat when they sing "Gravity, gravity, yeah" during the chorus. A really nice end to the album imo!
And so my favs from this album in order are: 10X, Like It, Satellite, Gravity, Identity, The Feeling, Juice, Insomnia, Sweet Misery >>>>>>>[a wall], Hard.
TL;DR: Another solid full album from 5HINee <3. It's not the type of album with like a whole new sound for them, bells and whistles, theatrics or whatever but not every album has to be like that. This one's a nice vibe with the bright, punchy side at the start leading towards the wistful yet beautiful latter end of the album. I'd def recommend listening to it, just for their vocals that always shine through and how they blend with each other so well. And as always, I look forward to hearing what they'll do next <333.
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eldritchmochi · 1 year ago
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yeah I am pretty young lmao, I'll spare you from another playlist by just naming some artists that gave me inspiration for god knows at some point
first off you mentioned Hozier, which I kinda only mention because he released a new album recently. Arctic Monkeys and Father John Misty are kinda in the same boat as him. More like the same lake.
The Amazing Devil and The Oh Hellos never fail to give me some sort of D&D/character inspiration. Ghost does?? something??? as well with characters, but specific ones. Same with Steam Powered Giraffe.
other than that, Library Magic by The Head And The Heart is very Wizard, along with The Magician by Andy Shauf. and because I just can't go without mentioning it, Queen is my favorite band. :)
that's all! with any luck it'll end up being useful somehow lol
hozier is one of those artists who i dont listen to on purpose like ever i dont thinki could name a single song of his with confidence BUT i know his voice starkly as one i really lusted after pre-t. i saw he just dropped a new album and i HAVE to give it a listen to especially the video of sssomething or other (full album mv??? pLEASE) because it stars domnall gleeson and i am still horny for that man even after all these years (he's the actor for hux for context lmao)
queen is also one of my long time favs, though definitely a band i dont know in and out the way i do with a lot of more modern punk bands lmao. freddie has and always will be Gender (god the video for i want to break free was IT for me in like 8th grade right around when i came out)
ive seen spg live before!! they are *great* experience even if you're not deep into the lore (i had friends who were big lore fans). i have heard precisely One And A Half Ghost Songs and im keeping it that way on purpose because its just sooooooo funny that im not into them because aesthetically they are way up my alley (and one of my sibs, a number of irl buddies, and MANY artists i follow are all nuts for them)
ive some passing familiarity with the artic monkeys, enough that i can pick out a number of their more popular songs on the radio even if i cant name them (i am garbage at song titles tho so)
i'll have to check out the rest, especially good Wizards Songs 👀
in response!! further things to check out:
FUNKY.FM - playlist by alexmoukala who is one of my FAVOURITE video game composers. i know him primarily through twitter where he posts snippets of remixed or reimagined video game music... but FUNKY (this one is particularly relevant to u based of ur playlist shared w me)
ye old spooky club 1995 - playlist by unnerving governess who i am 90% sure is gothic charmschool. i know i got the link thru her but i thiiink she also made it (another playlist that may vibe w u based off your playlist)
creature feature, especially the album "the greatest show unearthed" (ookey spooky rock with a lot of vincent price era horror camp and a lot of really impressive technical skill. i want it to be halloween damnit)
the mind electric by the miracle musical (behold, the essence of the inside of my brain but in tangible form. it is. incredibly ominous. do recommend headphones for max goosebumps (includes a lot of records played backwards type sounds and other distortions))
dance monkey by tones and i (one of my big essek songs since i get a lot of that vibe where he's beholden to his station for *so much* that its a disservice to his growth as a person)
bottom is a rock by mother mother (my m9 as a whole song. the chorus has a line for each of them i stg and if i could reliably draw i would do an old school lyricstuck to it)
my verdict on ur playlist btw is that it is very solid and cohesive a+, but *just* to the left of my tastes, largely because a lot of it skews 70s/80s which just by nature of the beast lacks the bass i like (because it was mixed entirely different compared to modern music, which is better suited for sounding big when played digitally through smaller speakers. ive heard some of these bands on big sound systems and theyre MUCH more in line with my tastes then lmao)
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saphushia · 1 year ago
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Hi hi Saph! I am here to also give music recommendations, because while I'm very sure you would be a very nice undead person, I do not want you to die. So!
Yesterday I was listening to Interlude IV (Showtime) by Zack Callison and Grace Rolek until it lost all meaning, so that is my first recommendation. It had me fixating on how I would animate one of my OCs going off on another OC, if I knew how to animate :D so I guess it's a good story song if you can associate it with someone!
My second recommendation is the Noragami OST album by Iwasaki Taku (岩崎琢)! I put down his name in Japanese because you might be using Spotify, and Noragami OST isn't under his name in English, which is odd but it's okay because Noragami OST slaps. Iwasaki combined multiple music genres to get a really unique, compelling sound and I love it! There's another album for the second season that has some goodies, but it's a little more boring.
My third and final recommendation, because I wouldn't be me if I didn't give you a song rec in a different language, is Geççek by Tarkan! Geççek is short for geçeçek, meaning 'it will pass,' and was written to tell people during the pandemic that hey! Times are really horrible right now! But you'll get through it and you'll be alright!
Okay that's all from me, oof this ask is a big long ^^; nourish and hydrate yourself, stretch, get your eyes off the screen for a bit, take care of yourself! Have a good timezone!
oooo!! these are all really cool!! i can def see how interlude IV would fit great for oc animatics, and Geççek is very neat!! esp with the added information abt it!! but most of all, holy shit the noragami OST- i'll be totally honest i was skeptical when i saw it, but GOOD GOD. this is like. my dream digimon soundtrack aubdsfkjg. it's the perfect mix of electronic and more traditional (is that the right word? the best i've got rn lmao) sounds that's just soooo unique you're so right. i haven't listened to the whole album yet but you can bet your ass i'm gonna!! (also wow this has reminded me how damn long it's been since i saw noragami akjbdskjfg)
Marmalade -by- Gallus ONE PIECE "WANOKUNI" ost (it's not as high of a banger % as the noragami ost but good god there's some good ones in there, you can kinda skip around if u want cause it's a lot lmao. the pieces that use traditional instruments like shamisen are soooo good tho) Sakeme no Me -by- cali=gari
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farcillesbian · 2 years ago
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4, 25 (+ music recs if u wanna!), and 28 for the ask game!
4. mythical creature you think/believe is real?
low-key believe faeries could be real tbh on like a minute scale. I've always liked to think of "small magic" being real, explaining away little things that don't quite make sense? also I like to think that mermaids and other mythical sea creatures could exist in the unexplored depths of the ocean... not quite in the way we depict them tho because of the extreme environment
25. would you say you have good taste in music?
yes I have the best and coolest taste in music (jokes) but well I do think I have a pretty interesting varied taste in music that I'm proud of! getting lost in interesting songs and singing along to my favourite songs are some of my favourite ways to stim lol. I'm a big fan of complex guitar melodies and synth sounds & some recommendations I have are:
the entire peripheral vision album by turnover (indie rock/dream pop with pop punk roots?)
pile! no pile! pile! by brave little abacus (midwest emo genre with sorta screamy vocals)
a girl is a knife by boxcutter (always gotta shout out boxxy, the first time I listened to their album sorta blew my mind. great lil emo band with a super fantastic guitarist. I'm a boxhead. vocals are screamy)
all these things by benton falls (more midwest emo but less harsh vocals)
trust me by sincere engineer (I love her she's so good. this is my favourite of her stuff but it's all great. she's like emo pop punk esque singer songwriter)
speeding up the octaves by hawthorne heights (classic emo rock. I love the entire silence in black and white album it's hard to pick just one song but. if u enjoy this I'd recommend checking out the whole album)
untitled #6 by girlfriends (just. so much fun. very math rocky sound. I love this song & this whole album is also great)
and now for some goth rock:
mondlicht by xmal deutschland
Судно (Борис Рижий) by molchat doma
wax and wane by cocteau twins
I coldly stare out by pink turns blue
dot in the sky by drab majesty
fantasmas by twin tribes
esfumados sueños by euroshima
silaluk by shadow age
28. last meal on earth?
THIS IS HARD. something with fun textures... like risotto. with a side of raw beef dish (carpaccio or tartare). and a beef kafta wrap from the Syrian restaurant near me...
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wiwinia · 1 year ago
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Tag 9 people you’d like to get to know more
Tagged by @celestialspark - Thank you for tagging me ❤️ This came out a little longer than I expected
Last song: According to my YouTube history (I really don’t understand how to use Spotify and I don’t think I ever will at this point), that would be Stranger by The Mechanisms, from Tales To Be Told, Volume II. Idk why, but this song vibrates my brain in exactly the best way. (I feel like that about a lot of songs in this album, especially Lost In The Cosmos, which is honestly weirdly relaxing for a song describing a slow death in painful details, and Pieces, but like, only the chorus)
Show I'm watching: Well, the last show I’ve seen was the newest episode of Helluva Boss, watched it with both of my partners, one of whom knows nothing about this show. It was fun, though, well, don’t want to spoil anything, but I was hoping for something else. Besides that, I intend to watch Stranger Things soon, cause I have read some great fanfics (I wanted to check if any of the authors are on Tumblr, so I could tag them, but for some reason, I can’t open ao3, which is quite concerning considering what happened this month) and decided I might try, even though I am good 7 years late. However, I am not watching it yet, because from what I know so far it feels like the kind of show that will permanently rewire my brain, so I am waiting til I can watch it with my friends, cause I am not going through that alone. If we consider podcasts shows, then I am an active listener of Dracula Daily, the voice acting is great, and I am already swooning and fanning myself like a victorian lady at Quincey P. Morris, which is to be expected, he’s one of my favourite characters. I can’t wait for this year’s holiest love entry tho, I want to see Tumblr go wild for it again. Also, season 2 of Not Quite Dead is coming out in a little more than two weeks (a fair warning to anyone who follows me, I already know I will be insufferable about it ❤️). I binged season 1 in one sitting, I am so excited (there are precisely 0 fanfics for this show on ao3 so far, I am working on changing that, but I’ve been suffering from a serious case of can’t-finish-wips-disease for quite a while now, so we’ll see how it goes)
Book I'm reading: If we’re talking new books, then right now nothing, but the last two I’ve read were: 1 Noce za nocami by Małgorzata Wilk, I loved it, it was exactly what I wanted, and I was so excited to finally get it, I read it on Wattpad back in the day and I preordered it the moment I was able to. It just feels very cozy to me. If you a) know Polish, and b) like gay vampires, I highly recommend it 2 Vampireology from the Ologies book series, cause I’ve never seen it before, I found it at a convention and I may be an adult, but it had vampires and was full of shiny secrets, you can’t possibly expect me to resist that Besides that, I am currently relistening to an audiobook of The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater, because the first time I listened to it, I was in a really bad place mentally, and this in tandem with some incorrect beliefs I had about this book caused me to miss some important things the first time, so now I am doing better I plan to listen to the whole series again, and I am really enjoying it! I know this series goes into some very dark places, but at the point at which I am currently, it is just full of pure joy of exploration and awe-inspiring discovery and listening to it makes me really, really happy right now
Currently obsessed with: Fandom-wise, The Magnus Archives, closely followed by The Mechanisms, a lot of things mentioned above are either basically obsessions, or very close to becoming that, because I can’t just be normal about things Also, vampires are my obsession that has been a constant part of my life practically since I remember, and I doubt it will ever change at this point. If for whatever reason you want to see me ramble, ask me about my opinions on any vampire-related trope or theme, and you will probably get a pretty substantial essay
Tagging: @suaveotter @laceandsteelgirl @kind-ghost @doofus-and-dragons @fall-festival @katenotbishop @wet-snail @rhymingteelookatme @graceful-not
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itwas50yearsagotoday · 1 year ago
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6/30/23: It was 50 years ago today, June 30th, 1973, Sly & the Family Stone would release their (his?) sixth album Fresh. This album is especially interesting because there are multiple versions of songs that exist because Stone kept the masters long after the album was released and tinkered with them. When Sony purchased Epic they re-released the album in 1991 but included some alternate takes of the album tracks accidentally... basically most every song but 'In Time' has an alternate take. Just learned tonight that the version of 'Keep on Dancin'' that I've had for at least ten years is actually the alternate mix... pretty cool! Spotify, thankfully, has both... I think the original cuts are just a notch slower and angrier, but sometimes there are exceptions (like the alternate 'Skin I'm In' is much darker than the original). As I mentioned 'In Time', the lead-off track, is unchanged, and is super funky... doesn't seem like it is in 4x4 beat, but it is... the changes are off-putting, but you get used to it. Very funky. The only Top 40 hit from the record is 'If You Want Me to Stay', which would peak at #12... funky, upbeat, but still slinky... very cool tune. Supposedly George Clinton had the Red Hot Chili Peppers cover it on an early record (Freakey Styley) that he produced for them... I don't know much RHCP prior to Mother's Milk, but I'll certainly check it out. I mentioned 'Keep on Dancin'' which is sort of a spiritual successor to 'Dance to the Music', is great, and tho I dig the original too, I'm stuck with the alternate version in my brain as the better version. I like 'I Don't Know (Satisfaction)' too... heck, really this whole album is at least above average, if not well above... it might be the most consistent Sly album I've heard. The oddball cover of 'Que Sera, Sera' is maybe a little long and slow, but definitely an interesting version. There is also a very old song on this record, 'If It Were Left Up to Me', which is purportedly an outtake from the Life record from five years earlier... definitely sounds like it, but it's still good anyway... cha cha cha. The album ends on 'Babies Making Babies', which I think is kinda corny, but the alternate version is much better in this case... like more of an instrumental funk tune, it's very good. Anyway, strong recommendation for checking out this record... nothing offensive here at all, and plus you get two different versions of most of the songs... it's like early versions of remixes, no? Go check it out.
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musyke · 2 years ago
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ok odd ask but 1. cld u reccomend any bands and also 2. whatre ur fav poems,,,,
not odd actually, these are topics I get very excited talking about kshdks
okay so, it depends on what kind of music you like but lately I've been listening to The Mountain Goats (The Sunset Tree album brought me back to life), Vial (rage, she/theys screaming at you, beautiful, they have an official Tumblr too), the strokes because they're iconic (is this it and the new abnormal are great albums), arctic monkeys because I love them.
AND I'm now devoted to latino indie rock meaning Charly García mostly, so in bands that would be Seru Giran (you HAVE to listen to La Grasa de Las Capitales, I do not care if you don't know spanish, you learn, this is the single best album I've ever heard), and Sui Generis, and his single albums are amazing (clics modernos, piano bar). I also like No Lo Soporto (Avión is an amazing album), and Nicolás y Los Fumadores (I love them so much, listen to Como Pez en el Hielo and Dios y la Mata de Lulo o ¿Qué Hacer En Caso de que Haya Perdido La Luz?).
If you're interested in solo artists I would also be very happy to talk about some :3
(artists are in bold and albums are in cursive)
Now, for poems I have a whole ass document with loose poetry I collect, and I have a lot of poetry here on my blog (I'm terrible at tagging but I have a #poetry tag, I don't think it has much tho), but I think some of my concise favorite poems are "If you were coming on the fall" by Emily Dickinson (I love Emily Dickinson so much) and right now I'm reading Crush by Richard Siken and it is destroying me, I cried for three poems straight today, some of my favorites are "Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out", "Unfinished Duet", "I Had a Dream About You" and "Saying Your Names" (saying your names ripped me apart, I cried and cried through the whole thing), but if you can read the whole book I highly recommend it because every poem is part of the story.
Neruda is also a favourite, I loved "20 poemas de amor y una canción desesperada". OH, and 'I Will Love You" by Lemony Snicket is amazing and I love it too.
That was a long ass answer but I hope it was what you expected to find out? thanks for asking! <3
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moody4world · 2 years ago
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Real rider
A/N(?): i am !!NOT!! a writer, everything i write and post is simply for fun and not to be taken seriously
equestrian y/n teaching jack the basics of horse riding for churchill downs mv
this is fluff
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Jack had just dropped his brand new album called home the kids miss you. He had already recorded a music video for first class but he was mostly excited to film his music video for churchill downs with THE drake himself.
He had proposed his idea of what he’d want to include in the music video to his directors and one of those scenes included jack riding a horse. Only problem with that was that Jack had never ridden a horse in his life. But he was dead set on having this in his music video.
“Come on Neelam there’s gotta be someone you know that can teach me, I mean how hard can it be right?” “Oh you’d be surprised, I do know someone and it’s definitely not as easy as you think Jack, you want to learn how to ride a horse at a high speed in the span of a few days when you’ve never even sat on a horse before, be for real.”
Jack stared at Neelam looking very offended but he knew she had a point. A really good one at that. But the last thing he was going to do is give up. “Okay okay that’s true but if they’re such a professional i can at least learn the basics right? I just really want this to look cool as fuck.”
“Fine i’ll give her a call later and see what I can do for you.”
“This is exactly why I never fired you.”
“Jack what the hell?”
“I’m kidding i’m kidding…wait did you say she?”
“Uh…yeah is that a problem?”
“No of course not I just thought it’d be a guy”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve just never seen you hang out with a horse girl before.”
“Oh god please don’t call her that or she’ll flip her shit. She hates it when people call her that.”
“Gee thanks for the heads up.”
Later that day you were watching a random movie that was recommended to you by a friend on netflix when your phone started ringing. You picked it up to see it was Neelam and you accepted the call. “Hey Neelam what’s up?” You said while stuffing your face with popcorn. “Hi y/n! just work and more work, you know how it is.” “Yeah that’s literally all you do, why’d you call though? is everything okay?”
“Yeah yeah everything is great..but”
“Uh oh what is it?”
“It’s nothing bad but I just need you to do me this one favor for the next two weeks and I promise i’ll pay you and everything just please help me out or this boy won’t leave me alone.” Neelam rambled
“You had me at the word pay but what do I have to do for the next two weeks? thats a lot of days.”
“Can you teach Jack how to ride a horse for his music video?”
You paused your movie at the mention of Jack’s name and put your bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of you.
“Uhm yeah..yeah sure that’s fine I can do that. When do we start?”
“Are you available this friday?”
“Yeah that’s perfect, i’m sure you remember where the ranch is so i’ll see you then.”
“Thank you so so much y/n i’ll text you a time and more details later okay?”
“Okay byee”
You let out a heavy sigh after you both hung up. “I haven’t seen Jack in person in years…will he even recognize me? okay he probably will you haven’t changed THAT much y/n come on. Yeah that’s true…ugh i really hope he’s nicer now cause that dumpling joke was so annoying….it was kinda cute tho. Girl snap out of it. I’m literally having a whole dialogue with myself about this and I haven’t even started teaching him yet jesus christ.”
Everyone talks to themselves….I just happen to do it a lot more than usual and there’s nothing wrong with that. I knew Jack since middle school, we always had the same classes and he would sit near my lunch table and our friends usually hung out together. He never bullied me or anything like that cause i’d refuse to let a young jb look alike who raps to bully me. He just always pointed out things that made me feel slightly embarrassed. Like that one time he called my kermit and mrs. piggy socks cute which made his friends laugh about it. He apologized afterwards and said he really meant it but I mean who knows.
Friday comes around and I made sure I got to the ranch early to set everything up. I got the horses ready and even had enough time left to have a quick snack. A few minutes after I was done, I saw Neelam walking in with Jack. I walked over, meeting them half way. Neelam gives me a tight hug swaying us side to side as we always did when we see each other. “y/n!!!! hiiii” “It’s been way too long Nee” “I knooow this guy keeps me way too busy.” She says pointing towards Jack who’s standing there all awkward with his hands behind his back. He puts his hand forward and I do the same shaking his hand “Jack” “y/n” there’s an awkward silence between the three of us until Neelam clears her throat and breaks the silence “Oh..kay uh i’m gonna go and leave you two to it then. y/n good luck with this one.” “I think i’m gonna need it so thanks” “I’m standing right here…you guys realize that right?”Neelam laughs and walks towards the exit of the ranch. Once Neelam was out of earshot Jack turns to me and goes. “Long time no see y/n l/n” ugh here he goes with the last name. For some reason he could never just say my first name like everyone else. “Yeah long time no see…clearly not much has changed.” “I don’t see why that’s a bad thing dumpling.”
There it is..that old nickname. I didn’t want to have feelings for this guy but the butterflies were unavoidable at this point. He’s taller now, he has a nice beard, his hair is curlier, his voice is also deeper but his cute goofy smile is still the same and clearly the nicknames too. “I was hoping you’d forget about that name.” I said awkwardly. “I did until I saw your chubby cheeks again.” “Stop pointing it out” I said defensively but in a joking way, he laughs and puts his hands up in defense “I’ll stop…no promises.”
“Okay enough talking let’s get started or we’ll never get you to ride a horse in time for your music video.” “Okay let’s go”
Getting Jack to even get on a horse was harder than you expected.
“Pay attention to what I do so you can do it after me.” I get on the horse making sure to do it at a pace that he can follow and once i’m seated i turn to him and tell him to do what I did. Since he’s tall you would think its much easier but nope. This guy took like 5 minutes to even get on the horse, to be fair I didn’t pick our nicest horse for him either but he got on eventually. I got a good laugh out of seeing him struggle with something that was so easy to me though, no regrets so far.
After we did a little bit of trotting we took the horses for short walk before calling it a day. “So..how do you know Neelam?” he asked me out of no where “Uh…we met through a mutual friend” “Why are you lying?” “Who says i’m lying?” I was definitely lying, but how did he know that??? did Neelam tell him how we met?
No probably not cause he didn’t even know I was his instructor. “You did that awkward smile you used to do when you lie….so how did you guys really meet?”How does he even remember that?! i’m feeling those stupid butterflies again too get it together y/n. “Okay fine, I used to date her cousin a few years back and we got really close.” “Used to?” I don’t remember Jack being this nosey damn “You sure are nosey Jackman.” he shrugged.
“Not nosey just curious. I’d hate to be your ex, I know he feels stupid.” “You don’t even know what caused the break up.” “By your body language i can tell he’s the one that fucked up though.” “Yeah he did but i’ve been over it for a while now.” “Any new dudes in your life?” “No, just enjoying life as it comes these days. How about you mister rapper? new groupie every night or what?” “Who’s the nosey one now huh?” he says with a smirk. I know he did not just flip the script on me. “You asked a bunch of questions and all I asked is one and now i’m the nosey one?” “I’m just messing with you. But no i’m not like that… not anymore at least.” “Oh wow” He looked offended at my reply but can you blame me? he’s so popular now.
“What do you mean by oh wow? do I look like a manwhore to you?” I give him the look of “do you really want me to answer that?” “Okay don’t answer that” and we both started laughing. “Do you wanna do a small race to the stalls?” he looked at me as if i had grown two heads “ A race?!? are you trying to kill me? I thought we were getting along.” “You’re so dramatic it’s like 7 feet away” “Are you forgetting that you’re the real rider here and not me? I’m just an intern” “Okay prospect, no race this time. You’re such a party pooper.” “If you’re a good teacher and I get the hang of this by the end of these two weeks i’ll race you. Deal?” “Deal” We shook on it and continued our way to the stalls. Unlike getting on the horse, Jack had no issues getting off of it and he was quick to offer me his hand to help me get down.
Of course I didn’t need it but I decided to entertain him and accepted the help anyway. For whatever reason my horse, Talula felt like it was good moment to push me off and of course it had to be like one of those cliché rom coms. You know the ones where the girl falls into the guys chest and their faces are so close they’re almost breathing the same air and they look into each other’s eyes like its the prettiest thing they’ve ever seen?
Well that’s exactly what was happening between Jack and I. Until Talula decided to push me again and we both snapped out of it. His right arm was still around my waist and his other hand was still holding mine. I frantically pushed him away and stepped back brushing my clothes off from the invisible dust and possible horse fur.
“Sorry about that.” Jack apologized “No no it’s fine.” I started nervously laughing.He started walking backwards towards the exit “Tomorrow same time?” “Yeah, same time” “Alright, see you tomorrow dumpling.” He turned around now walking to the exit with his back towards me. “Stop calling me that.” “Not a chance dumpling.” He glanced at me over his shoulder with a smug grin on his face. I rolled my eyes but I couldn’t hold back my smile. After a full day of teaching Jack some of the basics and catching up a little bit I can say that he’s definitely the same goofy Jack that he was when I first met him in middle school. Maybe these next two weeks won’t be so bad after all.
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littlemisslipbalm · 4 years ago
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“it’s not that important”
Summary: Y/N is in Harry’s band and one night they have a drunken hook up. One thing leads to another and they find themselves engaging in a friend’s with benefits type of situation. spoiler: it is important
AKA: A friends with benefits to lovers story :) with some angst in there
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This is for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration so my trope is friends with benefits! prompt is “you have no goddamn idea what you do to me. when i’m around you, i have no control of my emotions or my thoughts” and the tenth picture ^ i kinda just used it in the beginning to descripe what he was wearing - i got really carried away with this story but the prompt is in there !! lol, not proofread tho but would love your feedback !!!! :) love y’all very much 
oh boy i’ve had this done for agesss but i hadn’t written the smut until today so now we’re here i dont even remember what happens - i vaguely remember not loving the end but I hope yall enjoy
Word Count: 15.4k (longest fic to date) | Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, alcohol consumption? i dont remember but i dont think theres anything too heavy in here.
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“Hey Harold!” You smile as you easily hop over the side of the couch and settle beside your bandmate.
Harry groans, yet can’t keep the small smile off of his face when he sees it’s you. “How many times have I told you to never call me that?”
Your eyes narrow at his faux glare. “And how many times have I told you, I simply do not care?” 
You reach a hand out and tousle his already disheveled, unstyled brown hair. Despite his lack of styling, his hair still looked perfect. His chestnut hair fell into a middle part when he did nothing to it and you found it endearing. It made him look far younger than he truly was, like a boy you might have pursued when you were in your early days at college. The waves slightly framed his prominent cheekbones and chiseled jaw that was sporting a tiny amount of stubble.
He moves his arm from around the back of the couch to pat at his hair, trying to put it back in its nondescript position you had just messed with. After he’s satisfied, he uses the same hand to push up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. They’re chestnut brown Gucci frames that match the natural highlights in his hair. You can safely assume that’s why he bought them. The lenses are clear, but you know they don’t hold any prescription. He looks incredulously at you from behind them still.
“Nice glasses,” you mention offhandedly as you reach out to the coffee table to grab the drink you had left there earlier.
Before Harry had arrived, you had been taking up residence on the couch, in the spot he had actually taken up. You had ventured to the restroom for a moment and gotten held up in a conversation when asked your preference for the Beatles. Having to defend your staunch stance for the Beatles and against the Rolling Stones, you had gotten swept up into an argument with Adam. He believed that because the Rolling Stones toured for longer warranted them the title of best rock band. While you countered that despite their long touring and production of music, the Stones had a rotation of members. The Beatles maintained the four of them and held such a large impact even though they were barely together for a decade. They were one of a kind, or at least the first of their kind, you’d allow. You weren’t really in the mood for intellectual conversation tonight, so upon seeing Harry taking up your seat, you had told Adam you’d continue the discussion at a later date and returned to your spot.  
“Thanks,” Harry mumbles as his gaze flits around the room. He wasn’t sure if you were actually complimenting him, but he would take it as one either way.
The rest of your friends are all up and about, drinking, talking, dancing. It was the usual house party scene: a relatively intimate gathering, music you all actually liked, some friends of friends feeling slightly out of place. There was no pressure in this type of gathering but still Harry wasn’t necessarily in the party mood tonight. Usually, Harry was the one instigating these types of get-togethers with his friends and bandmates. He liked to be the life of the party, but as the tour loomed closer and closer, he felt some tinge of longing for quiet and solitude. He knew he wouldn’t have much quiet while on the road, which mostly didn’t scare him. He loved the stage and the high he received from performing and the gratification he felt from all the people in the room being there to see him. But there was also that other part of him that liked the quiet, the privacy. As the lack of alone time nudged itself around the corner, he had been hoping to enjoy solitude, or at the very least peace before he was on the road. Some sort of blissful state before technical chaos ensued. When Charlotte, the host of tonight’s soiree, had texted their group chat about tonight, Harry had politely declined. Then came the slew of private texts from Charlotte giving him all the reasons he should come tonight. He tried to say no again, but had shown up after the continued begging from her.
His appearance mirrored his expression, choosing a not perfectly fitted white t-shirt and random trousers rather than picking something he really loved, like usual. You could tell something was up and as his friend you were wondering what was wrong with him.
“Don’t sound so excited, Harry, someone might mistake you for somebody who’s happy to be here.” You stick your tongue into the side of your cheek, gauging his reaction.
“Has anyone ever told you you’re not very funny?” He quips, green eyes flashing to meet yours.
Your banter is probably how the pair of you communicated the best, never really falling into the whole serious side of friendship. You never shared those late night talks about the future or your fears. It was a fun friendship, so you didn’t fancy yourself one of his closest confidants. When it came to music, you and Harry were a bit more serious which formed a sort of paradox because the music you would share with each other gave a far greater insight into your souls than you probably realized. As a member of his band, you would discuss his music and what was going on with that sort of business part. But the sharing and discussion of other music that you did was part of your friendship, even if you didn’t see it like that. Because of the countless albums you had recommended to each other and the specific songs you had made note of, Harry and you knew each other much better than you thought you did. Music connects to something deep inside yourself and you have to like it enough and know the other person well enough to believe that they will also enjoy it to recommend it. As much tongue and cheek that you partook in with Harry, deep down, unbeknownst to either of you, you were that friend he shared his hopes and fears with, through the way he knew best, music.
“No, most people find me hilarious...”
You take a sip of your drink, trying to cover up the sting that his remark actually left. Most of the time you were great at keeping up with anyone’s banter, especially Harry’s, but tonight you weren’t feeling it. His tone had sounded so harsh it almost sounded like he meant it. His features soften when he sees the way your face falls, despite your sarcastic tone.
“��M sorry. I’m just not in the best mood tonight. Didn’t want to come, but Charlotte…” He shifts to face you, arm retracting slightly around the couch, landing his hand at the edge of your shoulder. His fingers fiddle with themselves absentmindedly, he turns his rings around his fingers and they ever so slightly brush against your shoulder. You don’t mind, you know its his nervous tick that he did whenever he didn’t have something to clink them against.
“Yeah, same here, actually.” Your tuck an out of place hair behind your ear, returning your gaze to Harry, who’s tilting his head at you curiously. “But might as well make the most of it, though. After all, this is our last week before tour starts.” You raise your glass and tilt it towards him before taking a sip.
You really didn’t have a plan, you were just trying to make him feel a little better. It was seldom you saw him so solemn at this type of gathering. He usually was the one bouncing from group to group, entertaining everyone with his dazzling charm and quick wit. Sometimes he would bring a date and spend the night with them in the corner, but that was usually at bigger parties than this. At these types of gatherings you often found yourself talking with Charlotte for most of the night. You were both new additions in the band and you had clicked immediately. You would travel in a pair between different groups and talk with everyone. Sometimes you would tell a humorous anecdote about your life and everyone would laugh wholeheartedly. Your ability to retell a story and make it hilarious every time seemed to be your secret talent. You could make any experience into a ten-minute retelling and it always sounds like the funniest moment of your life. It ranged from your embarrassing audition for Grease as a tween to your supermarket run in with an old acquaintance or B-list celebrity the day before. It didn’t matter what it was, it just always had the entire circle of people laughing and wiping their eyes with joy. You’d laugh a little with themselves, but usually you just had a triumphant smile on your lips for the rest of the night.
He nods, sipping his own drink for the first time since you had settled down beside him. “Well, I’m all ears.”
“What?”
“Give me your suggestions on how to make the most of tonight.”
“Drinking, mostly, was my plan,” you laugh nervously as Harry continues to stare at you intently.
“Mostly?”
“I mean, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think to pack my bouncy castle, my bad.”
He bites back a laugh but lets some air escape his defined nose, before staring with a deadpan face at you.
You like to tease him. You simply liked him. Harry was different from other men you knew. You were pretty sure most people could say that though. Harry was just different. It seemed like no one could not have some sort of affection for him. With the playful friendship the pair of you had, you always skirted the edge of flirtation. But you also didn’t particularly ever want to cross any lines with him. He was the employer of you, technically. He had brought you into his backing band and you wouldn’t do anything to harm that position. As well, at the end of the day you knew Harry. His tendencies and the choices he made.
When you were around him at parties like this, you had to try really hard to keep him at an arm’s length. Because on one hand, you would drink and suddenly the boundaries you put up didn’t seem that important, instead his lips started to look rather inviting, but on the other, you knew that he was extremely emotionally closed off to any relationship that was more than either friendship or a one night stand.
Harry doesn’t give you a response, just swings back his drink. The pair of you sit and drink in silence. Before you know it, Harry and you are five drinks in, finally talking after the second. The pair of you decide to move to the balcony outside and continue your conversation there after the third. After the fourth, you're getting really handsy and by the end of the fifth, Harry’s arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and you're laughing breathlessly into his neck. It looks like he’s just shielding you from the cold night air, but both of you seemed to be enjoying each other’s embrace for other reasons.
Finally catching your breath, you lean back and pant softly as you meet eyes with Harry. His pupils have blown out from the alcohol and dark light. The emerald green barely surrounds the black and you swear there’s flecks of gold or maybe brown in them. Your brows scrunch at the revelation and Harry asks what you’re thinking. You don’t respond, too entranced and drunk to even hear him.
“Oi,” he bops your nose, “What is goin’ on in there, little lady?”
Your hand reaches up and widens Harry’s eye manually. His inebriated state has no qualms about you doing such an odd thing. “Why’s your green not actually green?”
“What?” He asks before moving your hand away from his face, it instead falls to his chest. The pair of you shift until your caged between his body and the balcony’s ledge. You pout as you stare up at him. His skin looks soft and taught over every inch of his face and neck. The urge to kiss him keeps nagging at the back of your mind. The idea keeps creeping up closer and closer and the drunker you are the less likely you are to suppress it.
“Do you want to fuck me?” You blurt out.
“Sure.” Harry isn’t taken aback. He had been thinking about asking for a while, so he was glad you had asked first, made it easier for him.
“Okay, let’s go.”
He takes you back to your place, the pair of you catching a cab the short distance between yours and Charlotte’s flats. No one blinks an eye at the pair of you leaving together. Everyone watched the pair of you sulk all night about being there and only enjoying the other’s company, so they weren’t keen on either of you staying. Charlotte was simply glad the pair of you had stayed for as long as you did.
The two of you walk casually until you’re inside your bedroom. Once inside, Harry throws you on the bed and fucks you. Hard. He’s got you spread out in more ways than you had ever thought possible. He’s got you saying things you had never even dreamed of saying. And he’s got you cumming and screaming more than you could have ever wanted. He enjoys himself as well. He loves the way you feel around him and the way your eyes look up at him while he fucks you straight into the bed. He loves the way you sound whispering dirty things and screaming his name. He loves the feel of your soft skin all over your body as he pushes deep inside you. He loves the way you’re able to rip a guttural moan from him every time he cums. And he cums three times that night. While it wasn’t quiet, he did find that blissful state he had been in desperate need of.
After the third round, Harry feels spent. He brings himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of your bed. You’re lying in your bed, completely overstimulated, cumming at least twice as many times as Harry. He scratches at the top of his head, his bicep bulging as he folds his arms around himself.
“That was fucking good, Y/N. Just what I needed.”
You can only hum in response.
Then he takes your blanket and lays it over you. After that he begins to stand up, getting ready to grab his things and go.
“You don’t have to go…” your voice raises when you realize what he’s doing.
“Yeah, I do. This was just a one time thing, yeah? I enjoyed it, but you know...”
“Erm, I guess?” You rolled to fully look at him, he was pulling his t-shirt back on now, his marked chest disappearing beneath the white fabric. “Do you really not stay over at your one night stands?”
He thinks about it as he begins with his shoes and his glasses at the same time. “Yes? Usually I don’t know the person and I don’t particularly want to sign an autograph when I leave in the morning. Best to leave immediately afterwards.”
“That was exactly why I wanted you to stay...Shit! No chance you’ll give me an autograph now? Could sign my tit, right next to your hickies.”
He laughs, automatically in a better mood after the catharsis of having sex. It was also a relief for him that you didn’t seem to be weird about the hook up. “Shut up!”
“You’re a twat, Harold.” He groans instinctively at the annoying nickname, not caring about the ‘twat’ part. “But be my guest, you can freeze your arse off while waiting for your cab outside at this hour.”
“Rude..” He mutters, standing in your doorway now. “You wouldn’t actually make your employer stand out in the cold at this time of night. I haven’t even got a jumper. Could get a cold and ruin my voice. ”
“You’re the one who says it’s best to leave immediately. Get on it, mister.”
Your hand makes a shooing movement, but he doesn’t budge. You sigh as he makes a puppy dog face - eyes wide and a puckered pout with his flushed cheeks and lips - playing into your actual kindness, that he knows is somewhere. Your sweetness that you were keeping hidden from Harry right now. Nothing was serious between you so it made sense that you were trying not to let your innate ability to care show as he’s about to walk out on you.
“Ugh, fine. Stop looking at me like that. Just grab one of my coats from the bottom right, they’re all oversized so one should fit.” He doesn’t relent on the face. “And you can stay inside until your cab comes.” You sigh and throw one of your pillows at him. He catches it easily and throws it back, much softer than your throw. “Also never pull the employer card on me again when I’m naked in the bed you just fucked me in,” you call as he looks through your closet.
Returning with a patchwork coat you had thrifted tight over his shoulders, he looks at you seriously, “Yeah sorry about that part. Definitely wasn’t trying to exert my power over you, it sounded better in my head. Meant more like you could ruin my voice and both of our jobs.”
You nod and chuckle slightly, finding how inarticulate Harry could be as an endearing trait. His explanation didn’t actually make it sound better. “The jacket fits.” You say, choosing to move forward from Harry’s weirdness, knowing he didn’t mean any harm from his initial statement.
“Yeah, thanks. I think my cab is here,” He glances at his phone, “So I’ll go...See you?”
“I’m sure.” You smile, “We do in fact work together and will soon be touring the world. Would be a bit weird if I didn’t see you.”
“Right.” He nods and adds a peace sign before he walks out of your sight. You know he’s gone when you hear the door click shut. What an interesting night.
-
Love on Tour had just started and Harry couldn’t lie. He couldn’t keep his mind off of you. You were both his most recent partner and the best he had had in a while. He found himself rubbing over the spots on his neck and clavicle that you had given particular attention to during the night you had shared together. When he went to bed it was your body he pictured to get himself off. So, after the first show he’s beelining to you at the beginning of the after party. He’s got an adrenaline high and he needs a release. You’re the solution. He’s whispering in your ear, asking if you’d like to meet him in his dressing room. Your eyes study his face when he pulls back and they widen slightly when the realization of what he’s implying dawns on you. Then you’re nodding and excusing yourself from a random conversation five minutes later.
Inside Harry’s dressing room, you find Harry already unbuttoning his shirt. He grabs your face and shoves his lips onto yours once you lock the door. As he kisses you he tries to make one thing very clear, “This doesn’t mean anything.”
“Got it.” You begin to finish Harry’s job of taking off his shirt.
He pulls back to look you in the eye, “Are you okay with that?”
“Jesus fuck, yes, Harry, just shut up and fuck me senseless again!”
He listens to you and begins to kiss down your jaw and neck. His open-mouth kisses leave a searing trail across your skin. He settles on a spot at the base of your neck and begins to suck and nip at it with vigor. You set to work on finishing his job of unbuttoning his shirt. Then you pull off your own shirt, reaching behind you to untie the bows at the back. The new skin exposed grabs Harry’s attention and he moves down to suck over the cleavage of your tits. He’s happy to be back with his ‘bosom friends’. You smack his head when he says it and he chuckles darkly, only sucking harder on them causing you to moan louder than you would like.
Once you’re both in only your underwear, you find your back pressed up against the mirror behind the dressing room counter. Harry’s body is nestled between your spread legs as he kisses down your skin. His fingers dance along the line of your thong as he looks up from beneath his lashes for position, you only push his head closer to your heat in response. He laughs mischievously before tugging them down off your hips.
“Missed this pretty little cunt...All I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout,” He mutters as he begins to latch onto your dripping core.
Your brows shoot up at the thought that Harry’s mind has been stuck on you for the past week. You definitely had thought about your drunken hook up a bit, but hadn’t thought it had left a lasting impression on Harry, you assumed he had that lovely of a night with every person he chose to spend intimate time with. These thoughts are forgotten when Harry’s warm tongue is lapping at your swollen bud. You’re already panting for Harry and now you’re heaving with moans and whimpers leaving your mouth with every lick and nip of his expert mouth.
“Fuck Harry, feels so good,” you whine as his tongue travels down your folds and swirls and dips into your hole.
He moans at your words and the way your legs squeeze at his head. His hands move to spread you open wide to maintain his control and he smirks at the way your body rolls due to the friction of his voice against your pussy.
“Be a good girl f’me,” he growls still pressed against your wet heat.
Your body rolls again as you get closer and closer to your first release. Your bite your lip trying to contain all of the sounds that are trying to escape your mouth. Harry notices the new silence and glances up seeing how you’re trying to behave. As much as he likes you obeying his words, he also wanted to hear how he was pleasuring you.
“Tell me how you feel, princess,” he demands.
“So-so good,” you hiccup as his fingers caress over your folds now as he looks you in the eyes, his lips wet with your slick. He kisses you hard, his tongue diving into your mouth and you kiss back passionately, loving your taste on his tongue.
He pulls back and your hands trail down his chest, swirling around his familiar tattoos and hair that grace his lower torso as you move. He grins, enjoying the feeling of you on him and how he was affecting you.
Soon enough, his cock is finding its way back to your glistening folds, wet with your own liquids as well as his saliva. His mouth waters at the sight. He only pushes into you a few times like this. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror in front of him and can’t resist. He pulls out and flips you over, your squeal leaving your mouth before you can stop yourself. His dick finds your entrance once again, not wanting to be without the wonderful warmth for any longer than he must.
“Ahhh,” Harry groans when he slips back inside.
Your head throws back on your neck, the feeling of him as well as the sight of him gripping your hair in one hand and your fleshy hip in the other. His rings dig into the skin as he’s able to slam more forcefully in this position. You gasp and whine at his motions. The sounds coming from between your legs are turning you on even more and they seem to make Harry happy too. He picks up the pace and drops the grasp of your hair for a second. Your head falls down as you try to keep yourself up on your elbows.
Gripping both of your hips, Harry growls, “Look at me while I fuck you. C’mon now.”
You moan in response and tear your eyes open to see your reflections in the mirror. One hand goes up to hold onto the mirror to give yourself more traction, causing your back to arch even more. The new position has Harry’s cock slamming into you deeper.
“Fuck!” Harry practically yells and can’t keep himself from landing a harsh slap on your ass. You jump forward at the sting but his other hand keeps the pace steady. He keeps burying himself into you all the way to his base, his balls slapping at your now slick spread thighs. He rubs over the red handprint he had just left on your ass. You whimper and bite your lip, truly enjoying the sensation.
Still staring into the mirror as Harry commanded, your eyes water slightly and Harry makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You smile widely and he grins back. “This feels so fucking good. Your pussy takes me so well. Fuck…” Harry babbles, still pistoning into you. You had noticed how vocal he was the first time you had fucked, but thought it had just been the alcohol. Apparently not. But you didn’t mind, you much preferred it to partners who barely spoke or didn’t even moan. Like how were you supposed to know what was going on in their minds? With Harry, you knew he was having a good time.
A few more heavy thrusts and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your panting was getting faster, exceeding the speed of Harry’s thrusts and he could also feel you were close. Your cunt began squeezing him tighter so he hooked a hand under your knee and brought it onto the table. He hunched over you slightly and snaked his hand to your clit. “C’mon darling, I know you're close. Can feel that little cunt putting a choke hold on my cock.” He rubs at your clit with the vigor of strumming a quick paced song on the guitar. It’s enough to overtake your senses and the laugh that had bubbled from his words turns into your orgasm moan. You try to muffle it into the arm that is holding you against the mirror to avoid a full on scream because it feels that good. You felt like you were having your first ever orgasm, it felt that new to you.
A few more thrusts and you’ve come down from it, but Harry still hasn’t finished. It’s your turn to be the partner coaxing the other to get off. “Faster, Har. Want you to cum too.” He grunts, picking back up the pace. He had slowed to let you ride out your stay. “That’s it...want you to cum in me. Your cock feels so fucking good.” You whine, meaning every word. He smiles again at you and closes his eyes, focusing on chasing his high. You watch as his smile widens to that open mouth grin, “Fuck,” he almost whispers. And there it is. There’s a twitch in his hips that mirrors his expression and then he’s pulling out and cumming on your back. His voice is now even lower and raspier than before as he babbles how good that was and how tight your pussy was. It was sweet nothings, but extremely explicit and you sighed heavily, feeling a small orgasm wash over you again. His final thrusts and voice pushing you off the cliff again easily.
The two of you take a minute to bring your breathing back to normal and Harry goes to clean your back off.
“So..how do you feel about maybe doing this regularly?”  Harry asks sheepishly as he begins to pull his pants back on.
“Like a friends with benefits kind of thing? Or bandmates with benefits, rather.” You laugh breathlessly at your not really funny joke, but you’re now truly exhausted. From the show and the fuck, you felt thouroughly worked out.
“I guess that’s what it is, yeah.”
“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”
“You’re honestly so chill, Y/N. It’s fuckin’ hot.”
You laugh and flip your hair dramatically. You’re only in your bra and panties right now and Harry licks his lips, finding your playfulness to be a turn on. “What can I say?” You laugh.
“But like I said before...it’s just sex.” He’s buttoning up his shirt and looking at your reflection through the mirror now. He watches you slip the pants you had been wearing back on.
“Oh, Harold, I know.” On cue, he groans and turns around to face you after fixing his mused hair in the mirror. Interrupting yourself, you turn your back to Harry, “Can you tie this, sorry it’s hard for me to get the -” Harry walks to you without any hesitation and begins tying the silk ribbons on the back of your shirt. “Thanks. Anyway,” you turn to face him when he’s finished and you place both of your palms on his chest. “Trust me, I know you’ve got your issues and I’m not looking to be the girl that tries to change you. I know what this is. I only ask that you let me know when you sleep with other people, because once you do, you won’t need me.” Harry nods and you pat your hands against him. You both smile and go your separate ways when you leave the dressing room.
-
Harry and you fucked almost every night on tour. Sometimes it was right after, on the counter in his dressing rooms. Sometimes it was later in the evening in his hotel room or yours. He stopped leaving immediately after your hook ups. He never kicked you out of his room so he decided it was fine for him to stay in yours. Especially because you weren’t a stranger who would be weird with him in the morning. He also didn’t like trekking through the hotel halls late at night.
The first few times you stayed in the same bed, the two of you stayed on opposite sides of the bed, not touching after you were finished engaging in your sexual endeavours. Rigid bodies against the edges of the mattress. Then one particularly long night, filled with multiple rounds, Harry was so exhausted from his performance on stage and off that he collapsed on top of you. He fell asleep there and you didn’t particularly mind. It felt nice to be slightly compressed and held. He shifted in his sleep and when he woke up he wasn’t upset to find you nestled into his side with his arms wrapped around you. After that, cuddling sort of became part of the routine. After you were done having sex, Harry or you would get up to clean up and bring back waters. Then you would settle in his arms. Sometimes in a spooning position and sometimes you cradled softly into his chest. You didn’t talk about it, it just happened.
One night it was your head directly on top of his butterfly tattoo, one leg thrown over his lower torso and your arm snuggly wrapped around his middle. He liked to pet your hair when you laid against his chest in that way. His fingers would fiddle with the strands and you liked it because he usually took off his rings before he would do it and his hands felt so soft and delicate against you. Harry liked the way he felt when he would hold you afterwards. It was calming to fall asleep against your soft skin and feel your fingertips trace lyrics to songs he wasn’t sure the name of against his own.
No one knew about how your friendship with Harry worked. To the rest of the world, you seemed to be someone who had become another close friend in the band. You were similar to Mitch in many respects. Except for when Harry winked at you during a show, it wasn’t a friendly wink, it was a ‘this song makes me horny and I can’t wait to relieve the pressure by fucking you later’ kind of wink. You knew this because Harry had gone over and whispered it in your ear during a quick break, when you had only looked at him weirdly after he did it.
Before the show tonight, you pulled Harry aside, “So what are we thinking tonight? I feel like I might want to ride you...Haven’t been on top in a while.” In the darkness of the backstage, you crane your neck to take Harry’s earlobe between your teeth. He groans softly and grips your hips to guide them against his for a second. “Sounds fuckin’ fantastic, love.” You twitch back, releasing him immediately at the word. You always told him not to call you that and he tried to reason with you, that it was just something he called people. But you disliked it a lot, adding it to the growing list of rules the pair of you had for the do’s and don'ts of being friends with benefits with each other.
“Harold,” you groan and he steps back at that pet name. While he hated this, you refused to let him put it on the list because it didn’t cross any lines with your physical arrangement. Not that there was any physical list to put it on, it was more of a theoretical list that the two of you would speak of occasionally.
“Sorry.” He says eventually, “Didn’t mean it.” You both laugh.
You think about how other relationships were sometimes desperate to hear their partner express their love for them and you believe you’re grateful for the simplicity of your arrangement. The term relationship regarding what you and Harry were doing was also in the ‘don’t’ category on the list. If either of you were being honest, there should be no need for a list and you should be questioning yourselves why you felt the need to set boundaries if one part of it was physical and the other part was your friendship and job. If it truly was just physical why were boundaries constantly needing to be set and followed? But right now honesty was not in the cards.
-
After the show Harry gets delayed with press or fans or something that you don’t really care about. You barely read the text that he sends, only caring about the ‘sorry got held up’ and the ‘be there in thirty’.
You let yourself into his room and wait on the bed, flipping through your phone, completely unbothered by the rest of the world. When you hear a knock on the door, you don’t think twice about getting up and opening the door. You only realize your terrible mistake when it’s Mitch and not Harry standing at what you’re also just realizing isn’t your door, but instead Harry’s.
“Shit!” you say under your breath as Mitch looks at you confused.
The room is dark behind you because Harry would have just entered and gotten down to business. He might turn on a side lamp, but you hadn’t felt the need to have light on while you waited. Forgetting all of that, you had just gone to the door and opened it.
Mitch tucks some of his hair behind his ear as he stares at you. “Is Harry here?”
“Er..No?” It comes out as a question. You rub the back of your ankle with your foot, feeling nervous.
“Is he actually not here or?” Mitch trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.
“No, no he’s really not here. I’m waiting for him, too.” You rush your words, but try to remain calm.
“You have a key to his room. And you’re waiting in the dark.” He says. They’re not questions and you’re not sure just how guilty you look.
“Yeah!” You try to come up with a non suspicious response, hoping there’s a way to still salvage your’s and Harry’s secret, “He gave me his key because he wanted to talk about something and I kept it dark because my eyes always hurt after shows. Kind of like a migraine.” You scratch at your head and smile, trying to convince Mitch. He seems to believe you as he nods slowly and opens his eyes more.
There’s a little bit of an awkward silence and Mitch shifts his weight between his feet, looking at you still. Just as you're about to invite Mitch to come wait inside with you, Harry steps out of the elevator and begins to walk down the hall. His key card is already in hand and your eyes widen. Harry’s expression mirrors yours when he realizes Mitch is standing outside of his door and that you are standing with him. “Mitch!” Harry says, placing his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and sliding his key card into his back pocket with the other. Mitch turns to Harry without seeing him put away the other key card and you look at the pair of them.
“I was just telling Mitch how you gave me your key card so we could talk about...that thing.” You interject, flicking the lights on in Harry’s room as casually as possible. Harry shoots you a look about how you couldn’t come up with an actual reason for being there. You shrug your shoulders helplessly.
Mitch looks between the two of you and feels some weird tension and he’s not sure if it's always there and he’s just noticing or if something is going on right now.
“Yeah, well, I came to stop by to talk about the riff in Canyon Moon. Something is wonky with it.”
“Oh! Sure,” Harry nods to Mitch and then glances at you, “Y/N, we can talk about that other thing later. It’s not that important anyway.” His tone is so casual and nonchalant. You stare at him, thinking he can’t be serious. You had been almost sure he would send Mitch away, but instead you were being kicked to the curb. When he doesn’t say sike or anything of the sort, you nod. “Okay,” then you mumble a ‘good luck’ with figuring out the problem with the song. Mitch walks in the door, but Harry’s eyes stay fixed on your figure retreating down the hallway. He watches you disappear and is only pulled from his thoughts when Mitch calls his name from the couch in the room.
After reaching your floor, you key into your room and get ready for bed. Just as you’re about to drift off to sleep, completely alone for once in a long time, there’s another knock. This time you check the peephole, a habit you realized you were going to have to get better at. It’s Harry. You open the door and walk away immediately once he’s entered the room.
“Why are you here?”
“Thought we could still...” He follows you into the room, trying to make out your face in the darkness.
“I’m not in the mood anymore.” Your tone gives away your annoyance. You couldn’t hide that you were mad at Harry for sending you away. It made you feel weird. The way he did it so easily made you feel like you were extremely disposable and unwanted.
“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he lays down beside you. You turn to face him when he places a hand on the small of your back. You’re face to face and your noses are almost brushing. It’s not really possible to see each other’s features, but after months of hooking up you knew each other’s faces pretty well. You could reach out and pinpoint all of Harry’s freckles and moles on his face and neck right now and be correct. He could likely do the same. The theory is proven correct when he reaches out and his hand dances down your cheek. “Just thought it would be less suspicious if I didn’t get rid of him. Couldn’t make him wait either…”
“I know,” your voice is small and soft, just above a whisper, “I forgive you.” You scoot closer to him and Harry instinctively wraps his arm around you, bringing you tightly into him. You sigh into his neck and he shivers at your warm breath on his slightly clammy skin. When you lick your lips, they brush lightly against his skin. He laughs at the feeling, so you decide to press an intentional kiss to the hollow in his neck. In response, he presses a kiss to your hairline, his lips slightly chapped after the concert.
The kisses are tender, filled with that thing neither of you dare attribute to anything the two of you did in the dark. The word you told him time and time again to not call you. So is just about every touch and word that has been exchanged in this room since Harry entered it. You fall asleep wrapped up in his arms, a soft smile resting on both of your faces. Neither of you seem to mind that you didn’t actually have sex tonight or anything even close to it.
-
When you wake up you feel especially well rested. You shift around and realize your bed is empty besides you. It depended on the day, but it was always a toss up between Harry being there when you woke up or not. However, lately, you had found it was usually the former. You would linger longer and so would Harry in each other’s rooms, lounging in each other’s embrace under the soft glow of the morning light peaking through whatever windows the room had. Today you were cold at his absence. Then you look up and realize you aren’t completely alone. Harry is standing at the end of your bed, staring down at his phone, smiling.
“Hey.”
You wait for his reply, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hey, Harold,” you repeat. His head snaps up, a grimace on his face at the name. He slips his phone in his pocket and ruffles his hair. “Hey.” He finally responds. “I’m gonna head out.”
“Okay.”
Neither of you seem to find it necessary to talk about what happened last night. Harry definitely seemed a little off to you this morning, but you try to shake it from your thoughts. There was no reason to be upset with him being quiet. He didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t even slept together last night, so if anything it was weird he stayed as long as he did.
It was the second night at the Forum in Los Angeles. This means no travelling necessary. No day off either, tomorrow you’d have a day off before the third and final show at the venue though.
Harry and you were talking normally at the venue, mostly about the setlist - him and Mitch had changed something for whatever reason last night, which was fine. Your banter was to a minimum, but you were trying to convince yourself that nothing was off. Even though it felt like something was different, you couldn’t place your finger on what it was, so you thought it was best to ignore it.
When Harry is about to go out on stage, you don’t pull him aside and when he introduces the members of the band to the audience, he doesn’t say anything fun or silly about you. He doesn’t wink or come up to you at any point in the performance. It’s so unusual the rest of your bandmates are giving you funny looks. Charlotte looks at you from across your keyboard in a way that she’s asking if you’re okay. You shake your head at everyone trying to signal that you’re fine.
Mitch goes over to Harry and whispers in his ear to check in with him, Harry looks at him with a bright smile on his face and says “of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Mitch looks between the pair of you, thinking back to last night and how weird the pair of you were being then. Maybe it dawns on him then what might be going on between the two of you, but if he did, he wouldn’t mention it for a long time.
You falter a bit on your back up vocals tonight. You’re trying to give it your all, like always, but for some reason your voice isn’t sounding the way you want it. About halfway through the show, when your voice comes out the exact opposite of how you would like, Harry finally gives you a second glance. His face practically emotionless, save for the single arched brow. He’s concerned, but not concerned enough where he would go over to you. He just doesn’t understand why you keep missing the right note tonight. You make a shake of your hand to say I don’t know either. He just shrugs and turns back around to continue the show, his lively smile returning while he turns his head.
After the show, Charlotte, Sarah, and you are all checking in, going over what had happened during the show in general. They’re both worried about your voice and you’re simply trying to tell them that it was just an off night. Nothing was wrong. As long as you told everyone else that, then it might turn out to be true.
“It’s fine, maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you fib, having gotten more sleep last night than most other nights on this tour. They both nod, seeming to take that as a reasonable answer.
Then Charlotte gets quieter as she whispers to the three of you, “Did you guys notice anything weird with Harry? He was super lively, but he barely interacted with you, Y/N, which is so unlike him...”
Sarah nods while you look skeptically on. Sarah adds, “He kept looking up to the boxes, too. More than usual at least. I don’t know though…” She trails off and you cross your arms over your chest, not really enjoying the conversation topic. “I mean, what do you think, Y/N?” Sarah adds.
Your eyes dance between the two women, your fellow bandmates, your friends. You sometimes wished you could share with them what you were doing with Harry. The secret was fun, but it’s also nice to be able to share with your girlfriends about the guy you’re seeing, even if it is a casual thing. The friendly gossip of it all is something fun to share, but sadly that was another thing you couldn’t do. You sigh, “You never really know what’s going on in his mind, y’know. He’s just Harry.” Your response is half-assed at best. You figure they’ll both give you shit for the non-answer you just supplied, but instead someone else speaks for them.
“I am in fact, just Harry.” He says and you swivel around to find yourself almost chest to chest with him. Charlotte laughs while Sarah simply smiles. Your eyes are huge as you stare up at him and you hope your blush doesn’t come out too strongly after being caught talking about Harry by himself. “Enlighten me on when I was being ‘just Harry’ though?” You bite your lip and take a step back from him, forming more of a line with the other women. He shrugs when no one offers a response, laughing lightly.
“Oh and Y/N, I can’t talk about that thing again tonight, I’ve got-”
“A date?” Charlotte asks, trying to understand why Harry was acting a little different tonight still. The part that Sarah had mentioned about him looking up into the boxes had given her the idea that he might have plans with someone after the show. Harry scratches his head, his hair slightly wet with sweat right after the show. He’s taken off his coat so he’s just in the almost completely unbuttoned, sweat soaked shirt he had been wearing underneath. It sticks tight to his skin and you can make out all the muscle lines that hide beneath the fabric that you usually get to caress. Your eyes flit from his body back to his face when he speaks again.
“Erm, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that...but yes, I suppose, it’s a date.” He says finally, he avoids your eye contact and you look at him very confused, trying to hide the hurt. He shoves his hands in his pockets trying to look and sound as casual as possible and ignore the strain he sees on your face. Is that what had held him up yesterday? Making plans with someone else? And he hadn’t told you until now? The past twenty four hours stung a little bit more now that you knew why Harry was being so distant. It simply felt icky finding out this way and it didn’t even seem like he was going to tell you it was a date.
“Okay,” you say simply and walk away. You hear Charlotte asking him details about his date, but you try actively not to hear any of it. Sarah watches you walk away and sees the way you wrap your arms around yourself to comfort you. She feels a twinge of sadness as she watches the scene unfold, seeing something she hadn’t realized was there before.
Harry doesn’t text or call you that night. You hang out with everyone else for a little while in Charlotte’s room before heading to bed, saying you think you need an early night tonight. Before you’re able to walk out of the door, Mitch stops you. “I heard Harry blew off whatever conversation the two of you have been trying to have again. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” You try to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. There is no conversation Harry is blowing off, it’s simply you. “It’s fine. Like he said yesterday, it’s not important.” Mitch nods, but still looks at you with concern. What he had seen last night, then on stage today, and what Sarah had told him about your interaction after the show it all strung together in his mind. It didn’t seem unimportant at all. But he didn’t know how he could tell you that. He felt like he should talk to Harry about the way you looked when you left Charlotte’s room tonight, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to him either.
You don’t realize you’re crying until you're in the elevator, and it’s slowly rising to your floor of the hotel. You’re only one level up, but it feels like an eternity in there. You already weren’t a fan of elevators, but this ride felt impossibly worse. The walls are all made up of mirrors and you see yourself in the reflection, but you don’t exactly recognize the girl in there. Your eyes are tired from the show, dark circles already formed. Your hands are aching, clenching and unclenching on their own accord. Your body is slumped against the back wall, likely leaving a slight imprint from the smoke residue and dust on your clothes. Worst of all are the tears running down your face, smudging at your makeup, the black mascara you had applied dripping down in sinister raindrops against your skin. The sad girl stares back at you as you sniffle slightly, confused at what you’re seeing. “Why are you crying?” you ask yourself, your voice creaking and then breaking at the end as you struggle to get out the word ‘crying’ before a sob wracks through you. You roll your eyes when your reflection offers no explanation for itself. You laugh at your own patheticness and try to shake the feelings you’re experiencing.
Inside your room now, you flop on the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. Your arms spread to your sides and your legs lay limply below you. You think about every night before last, every night since the tour started. Every night where you weren’t alone, where you were with Harry. Your mind flits to last night, how Harry’s lips had ghosted over your skin after his apology. How you had told him you forgave him and it had felt so peaceful, so simple. It was all so easy. Thinking about him and the things the two of you did together brought a smile to your face, unbeknownst to you. When you realize it’s there, your face drops immediately, deciding not to think about Harry.
But trying to not think about Harry makes you only think about him more and what you think about him now most definitely doesn’t bring a smile to your face. You’re thinking about him out on his date with some person you chose to learn nothing about. Maybe out of fear of what is happening right now. By knowing nothing about the person, you can’t compare yourself to them. Can’t see what’s different about them that would make Harry go out on a date with them. But it doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like because at the end of it all you know one thing for certain. They’re not you. You correct yourself, you know two things actually, because you also know that Harry chose to be with them instead of you tonight.
You fall asleep with tear stained cheeks that night and absolutely nothing positive on your mind. You want to sleep but know it only brings whatever is bound to happen tomorrow, which doesn’t seem very promising.
-
It’s noon when you wake up and you wake to a knocking on your door. You grumble and throw a sweatshirt over your body to hide the underwear you slept in. Not remembering your new habit, you swing the door open without any hesitation to find Harry. He looks wide awake and happy, the way he almost always looks, a fresh beautiful flower of a man. You look at him groggily, “What are you doing here?”
“You weren’t answering your phone.”
“Because I was asleep?” You tilt your head and look at him incredulously. “What about this,” you gesture to your appearance, “looks like I just went for a 3 mile jog for fun and I love the morning?”
“Can I come in?” He ignores everything you just said and enters the room when you leave the door to get back in bed. You often did that with him, you don’t know why, but when he asked to come in the room it was just simpler to let him in then say anything. He knew what you meant.
He sits at the edge of the bed as you reclaim your spot in the middle of it, tucked slightly under the covers, but still sitting up. “How was your date?” You try to sound nonchalant and it seems to work. Harry doesn’t notice your tense figure, but you notice how he tenses up when you ask.
“Good…Her name was-” You don’t let him finish, you already know the answer to this next question and you don’t need her name in order to ask it, “Did you fuck her?”
He’s silent, green eyes staring straight at you. You meet his gaze, your eyes almost burning holes into him. His eyes are begging you to not make him answer the question, he doesn’t want this to end, even if he also didn’t want the commitment he had felt himself exhibiting the other night.
When he had come to your room the other night after Mitch had almost caught you, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t want you to feel bad so he had come to apologize, but when the pair of you didn’t have sex, he should have left. But he didn’t, he stayed and it wasn’t for you, it was for himself. It was for him to hold you in his arms because he liked to. But when he woke up the next morning he knew he needed to leave. Solely cuddling wasn’t part of your arrangement together. It’s probably on the list of don'ts that the pair of you had. So after he realized the line he had willingly crossed with you, he quickly sent a text to Jeff who had tried to set him up with a model they were acquaintances with the night before - the reason he had gotten held up. Harry had initially declined, not very interested in seeing anyone else but you. But looking back on that choice in the light of day seemed to solidify what this relationship was - a relationship - and Harry didn’t like that. The commitment wasn’t part of the plan, so he told Jeff to set that date up for after the second show at the Forum and give the woman a ticket. That’s why he was smiling at his phone the morning after only cuddling with you, that’s why he didn’t joke around with you during the show, and that’s why he wasn’t in your bed last night.
You watch him expectantly, silently waiting for his answer, your veins cold as ice. He finally starts his answer and he wants to make it clear that it wasn’t as good with the other woman, but he’s not sure how to work that part in. He’s not sure how to explain to you it meant nothing if your arrangement also apparently meant nothing. You barely even let him get in a sentence. “Yes, but it was just a one time-”
“Alright.”
“What?” He doesn’t understand what you mean when you nod your head and cut him off.
“I told you at the beginning, Harry. Tell me when you sleep with someone else because when you do this is over. It doesn’t matter if she’s the love of your life or a one night stand. I will not be a backup plan, so if you’re able to find other people to sleep with, you don’t need to be sleeping with me.”
He sits in silence for a moment, his jaw dropped open slightly. He’s unable to keep it shut as his mind races about what to say. “Are you mad with me?”
“No, I’m fine. This was just sex. Charlotte will be happy that I’ll be going out with her more.”
Harry’s brow furrows as you shift away from him on the bed, grabbing your phone and beginning to flick through it. You feel numb and you’d like to not think about why.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks because he does care about you, worry is written all over his face. He just can’t commit, not now.
“What would I be mad about, Harry?” You look up and your eyes widen at him, silently asking him to truthfully say why you should be so upset about this revelation. You always knew it would eventually come to an end, you just hadn’t expected so soon. You hadn’t known the last time would be the last time and it broke your heart even if you knew it shouldn’t.
He shifts to reach his hand out to touch your exposed knee. You move away from him and he sighs, looking exasperated. “I- I don’t know. It just seems like we should talk about this.”
“You didn’t even think it was necessary to tell me you were going on a date last night, so I think it’s best if we just left it at ‘it’s fine, see you around’.”
He spreads his hands out across the sheets, examining his rings and painted nails thoroughly. You’re right, he doesn’t really want to talk about this. Well, more so, he’s conflicted. He would like to talk enough that you want to continue your arrangement but he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or emotions. Even if he has those feelings and emotions, they’re just not part of the things he’d like to talk about. “But-” You set your phone down at his first word, “Were you even going to tell me you fucked someone else today if Charlotte hadn’t asked you if it was a date last night? Would you just have come to my room tonight and acted like nothing had changed?”
“I would have told you.”
“Sure.”
“I swear I would’ve. I would never break a promise to you.”
“But you would make a decision that affects the both of us without telling me until afterwards?” Your voice breaks a little and you beg yourself not to cry right now.
“I thought you said this was just sex?”
You laugh humorlessly, in disbelief, “Of course it’s not, Harry! And it hasn’t been for a long time and that’s why you got scared and went and fucked someone else.” He looks at you blankly, unsure what to say, knowing you’re right. You continue, “But I also told you at the beginning of this, that I wasn’t going to try to change you. So this is me not trying to change you.” You sigh when he still says nothing, his expression completely unreadable, even to you. “Why couldn’t you have left it at ‘it’s fine’?” You say finally, barely above a whisper.
He blinks a few times after your final question. He flexes his hand one more time and then stands up from the bed. He adjusts his clothes and stares at you. You feel helpless, but you’re still trying to look pulled together, even after your outburst. You stare back. A thousand words floating through your heads, all the things you want to say and likely never will.
“I know, I’m…” he pauses, trying to get himself to say it, but he can’t. He can’t admit that he’s completely ruined whatever messed up paradise you had created together. “I’ll see you later.”
The apology or lack there of hangs in the air as he walks silently out your door. You don’t move, you barely even blink, still staring at the spot he had just occupied. Your breath finally escapes you, a large sigh. Then some nervous laughter. It was over...just like that. But things like this, left like this are never really over.
-
It’s awkward for a good amount of the rest of the tour. You hang out with your bandmates more and Harry rarely ever comes out with them after the shows. He either hangs out with Mitch on his own or is going out with random people he knows on the road. You and him speak, but it’s never a lot or about anything relatively meaningful. It’s not the fun back and forth of before or the fiery heat of sneaking around. You try to be normal with him, act like his casual friend and bandmate.
He does his best to do the same, but it’s difficult for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. He misses being with you, but can’t bring himself to fix it. He doesn’t do much to right his wrongs with you. He also doesn’t even know what he would want if he did apologize. It scared him to think about the step that came after ‘sorry’ so he saved himself the trouble and never did that part either. One night he texts you: “I’m trying, it’s just hard.” and that’s it. You don’t give him a response, he doesn’t need one. You know he’s trying and he knows you know.
Near the end of the tour, he comes out with the rest of you for drinks one night. Only Mitch is between the two of you in the booth, so you feel closer to Harry than you’ve felt in a long time. The group of you are chatting and having a good time. You somehow get onto a story from when you were still in college. You explain how you had narrowly avoided getting Chlamydia right before your Christmas break junior year. You act out the conversations you imagined would have happened at all your Christmas events if you had indeed gotten it. Your impressions of your mother, father, and sister have everyone laughing the most. Harry is shaking with laughter from your story and you smile at him in appreciation when he says, “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long fucking time.”
The rest of the night goes really well, for the most part. No one bickers or is short with each other. Everyone is laughing and drinks are flowing. Eventually Mitch gets up to go to the bathroom and you feel Harry slide back into the booth closer to you after letting Mitch out. Your hand had taken up residence next to your thigh, resting on the vinyl of the booth. You sense something next to it now and notice Harry’s hand is resting close beside it. He shifts his hand closer when he sees that you’re looking down at it. He’s almost touching you and you look up to his eyes, wondering if he’ll close the distance. He makes an imperceptible shake of his head, but you know what he means. As you’re about to shift your hand so that your pinky connects with his, Mitch returns and your head shoots up to his figure. You instantly remove your hand from the vinyl and shift closer to Charlotte. Harry gets up, but doesn’t sit back down once Mitch is settled. He instead walks off to get another drink, risking one last look at the table where he makes eye contact with you, but he doesn’t come back. Mitch informs everyone that Harry went back to the hotel because “he was tired” after Harry doesn’t return and Mitch gets a text. You roll your eyes, sure that you saw him slip out of the side door with a woman he found at the bar after he had gotten his drink. If that’s what ‘tired’ looked like on Harry, it was fine.
You start to speak to Harry on a more regular basis after that night out. It’s not funny or lighthearted. It’s just ‘I saw this song the other day, thought you might like to listen’. It went back and forth, it wasn’t everyday but it was something. The last text between the two of you before you began sharing songs again was his ‘I’m trying it’s just hard’ text that he had sent randomly one night. Then after one of you would listen, you would see each other at sound check and mention the song and what you thought about it. It can be noted that it was Harry who sent the first song.
For Harryween, Adam couldn’t be there. He has some family emergency the day of and doesn’t come with the rest of you to Madison Square Garden or the hotel you were staying at. Thankfully, Charlotte also plays keys and you can play bass. The band had to shift around some things on stage and make minimal changes to the setlist since you weren’t rehearsed on the covers Harry was doing. You spent the whole day running through the chords of those songs with Mitch, trying to memorize them so you didn’t mess it up during the show.
It was weird because for Harryween the setlist was switched up a little from the regular set for Love On Tour. Harry was playing the entire new album as well as half of the first album, Medicine, some of his other unreleased stuff, and about six covers, including old One Direction songs. It was going to be a long show and a challenge for you.
Before the show, Harry pulls you aside, to a dark corner backstage, and your mind flits back to the last time you had been in this type of position. The last time he had called you ‘love’, the last time you bit his earlobe - which always drove him crazy, the last time he ground his hips against yours, those and more and you had no idea that it was the last. By then you had already had sex with Harry for the last time, kissed his lips for the last time. It made your heart race to be so close to him and so alone once again. But it’s nowhere near the same as it once was. You shake the memories from your mind and look up expectantly at him.
“Have you got this?” He asks seriously, tone concerned. Of course it’s a music question, nothing more. Like it always was now.
“Yeah, of course.” His stare is unwavering and you try not to falter from it.
“I can get someone else to cover tomorrow, it was just such a short notice today. You know bass really well too, it made sense.”
“I’ve got this. Seriously, don’t worry, Harold.” You pat his chest lightly and for once Harry smiles at the sound of your nickname for him. You had stopped using it after the end of your arrangement. It never felt right to use when you were talking about music, and that was about the only time you had been talking. In this moment though, it felt right. His warm, large hands held your upper arms as you stared up into his big eyes. You missed staring into them, the shimmering emerald of his irises were constantly intriguing. You instinctively reach up to move back a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. He doesn’t shy away from your touch and continues to smile down at you.
“Y’haven’t called me that in forever.” He grins, his lips a shiny pink from the lip balm he had on.
“No, I suppose I haven’t. But where was the groan? The whole point is to annoy you.” You smile coyly. He tips his head back and laughs, releasing your arms from his grasp as he laughs wholeheartedly.
Then he does a soft groan, a playful sound, “How was that?”
“Eh. I’ll give you a four out of ten. Not enough emotion behind it.” You slide from the area the two of you have been occupying and make your way onto the stage to start dealing with the bass you would be playing. You hear Harry call out to you, “I think I deserve at least a five, maybe even a six!” You turn back for a second to look at him with an unimpressed expression and shake your head no. He laughs again and you hear him even when you walk out onto the stage. You smile to yourself as you pick up the bass.
When he introduces the band, he waits to talk about you last. “And sadly this evening Mr. Adam Prentergest, our usual fabulous bassist, was unable to attend our fancy dress party! However! Our lovely Y/N L/N is also a superb bassist and was kind enough to step into his place. - Anything to add?” He saunters across the stage to you and you laugh kindly, feeling at ease in this part of the stage even though you were usually on the opposite side and further back from the crowd. You nod at Harry and he leans his portable mic towards your lips. You wet them quickly and eye Harry before turning out to the crowd. “Just please go easy on me if the bass sounds a bit wonky. It wasn’t on the job description that I’d be playing songs I didn’t know, with a few hours notice, on not my main instrument.” You say this in a kind of list format, holding up your fingers as you tick off all the ways that this was out of your comfort zone. You scratch your head dramatically after you’re finished and the whole crowd laughs and cheers. The rest of your bandmates chuckle along and Harry nods and smiles at you.
“You’ll do great, love.” He leans into your ear and says without the microphone. Then he winks and turns to go back to the center of the stage. You press your lips together to contain your smile, both happy and concerned about the flip your stomach just did.  
The show is going great. Harry is killing it with the crowd. Everything is electric. You’re entirely focussed on your bass playing, but Harry has been coming over every so often to do something fun or have you tell a joke.
“She’s truly the funniest person I know! And I know a fair amount of people I think.” Harry says as he walks over to you have you tell another joke. Mitch has been looking at you and Harry interacting all night and he’s sure that it isn’t your different position that has him coming over and talking to you so much tonight. Something has definitely changed once again. First the pair of you were always together and having fun, then it was silence and stolen glances that neither of you realized you were taking, now it was back to the beginning.
“That’s because you think puns are part of the top tier levels of comedy.” You say easily, “Here, I can guarantee Harry will love this and the rest of you will likely groan.” Then you stop and act as if you’re thinking for a little, everyone’s waiting expectantly. “Sorry, thinking...Well, I’ve got some skeleton puns I could do, they’re very humerus or y’know classic vampire ones..eh but those ones kind of suck. What do you think, Harry?” You look out at the crowd, face deadpan, as Harry laughs beside you. You roll your eyes playfully and push him back to the center of the stage. Leaning into your own mic now, you say, “I told you.” That’s when everyone laughs. Harry throws another look at you over his shoulder and laughs a little more, his smile wide and eyes bright.
A little over half way through the night, it’s time for ‘to be so lonely’. You already knew the bass chords for it before today and you were confident in yourself by now. It wasn’t as hard a song so you were happy for the little break. This song allowed you to not be looking down at the notes you had stuck to the floor in front of you. Harry’s voice comes in after Mitch’s intro and you watch the way his lips move against his mic. You laugh a little as you watch the crowd yell the first “arrogant son of a bitch” line. You used to not particularly like when people did that, but after it had ended with Harry you had started to enjoy it a bit more. Having those people yell the words you couldn’t, but truly felt about him sometimes, was cathartic. Tonight you weren’t angry with him, but you enjoyed the energy in the room when everyone said it. We’ve all got our own ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that we want to scream at sometimes. Tonight yours wasn’t Harry for the first time in a long time. The song moves along and Harry takes the microphone off its stand, he walks towards your side of the stage. When the lyrics get to:
“I miss the shape of your lips, your wit, it’s just a trick, this is it so I’m sorry”
Harry isn’t looking at the crowd, he’s looking straight at you. You don’t understand the way he’s looking at you. Or maybe you don’t want to understand it. This song, its lyrics, explains Harry really well. You saw the relationship you had with him in the words. Maybe not precisely, but a part of it was in it. Harry had unknowingly foretold your lives with his words. You know he has trouble connecting and committing, you know his issues, and you accept them. But you knew what had happened between the two of you was far more serious than meaningless sex and you knew Harry couldn’t bring himself to be that serious. He ran off and that was fine, but the face that he couldn’t even apologize hurt you the most. But the song lays it all out for you, he’s not one to be able to apologize quickly. The fact that he looks at you and means the apology he sings in the song for you, it’s a big step, but it’s not enough. The banter, the technical apology, it was all a good start, but it’s just that - the beginning. If Harry wants to make things better with you, a lot more needs to be discussed. So when you sing backing vocals for the following chorus you mean the words for Harry completely.
“Don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons, I know that you’re trying to be friends. I know you mean it, but don’t call me baby again it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely”
His eyes flick to you again and see your lips moving around the words as you play the bass. He sees the emotion in your face and understands what you’re saying. It’s hard for you to go to your room at night and be alone while he’s out with someone else. It’s hard for him to act like everything’s all fine and perfect, back to normal, because for you it isn’t really. He can’t call you ‘love’ and tell the world you’re funny and expect it to be enough. He can’t sing his sorry that was initially for someone else to you and expect you to accept it. And he knows it, too.
After the show everyone decides they’re exhausted and need to rest before tomorrow. You all planned to celebrate the whole day and you knew it was going to be a wicked Halloween. Knowing this, you’re surprised with the knock on your door after about an hour of being back at the hotel. You’ve given up the habit you had once hoped to cultivate and swing the door open haplessly. Truly having no idea who to expect, you are still surprised to find the man standing before you.
“Mitch.”
“We need to talk.” He stares down at you, his shoulders slumped from tiredness.
“Come in,” you usher him in when you hear the urgency of his voice. He saunters in before you and you close the door. You move to the small couch in the room and sit down. Your hands gesture for him to sit as well, but he shakes his head. He stays standing and brings a hand up to smooth his hair back on the right side. His eyes staying on the floor and flickering up to you every so often.
“What is going on with you and Harry?”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh come on Y/N. You’re seemingly best friends with him for a good portion of tour, then you’re barely on speaking terms for the second half, now you’re joking around again. What is going on?”
You sit there in a stunned silence, “I don’t know what to say.” Your arms go to hug your body, feeling anxious about being confronted about this topic.
“Were you seeing each other?” His voice is soft, eyes taking in your body language and knowing it’s a difficult topic.
“I wouldn’t put it like that…”
He holds back the ‘I knew it’ statement because of  how sullen you look, b..ut in his mind all of the pieces he had watched unfold came to fit in a perfect puzzle. He decides to sit beside you when you don’t say anything else.
“We were having sex,” it felt weird to say it out loud, no one but you and Harry had actually known, “But it ended. I don’t know what today was...but it felt different than how it’s been.”
“Why are you so sad if it was just sex?” He places a hand on your shoulder and your tear-filled eyes meet his. “Oh…” He knows why.
“I’m sorry, Y/N.” You sob at his apology because he’s not the one who should be at your door apologizing. You sniffle and lean your head into his chest. He takes you into his arms and holds you as your cries become muffled sounds in his shirt.
You cry without words for a few minutes, Mitch coos some soothing words, his voice soft and kind. He was always a good shoulder to cry on for all of your bandmates, he was extremely strong and you made a mental note to thank him thoroughly when you actually were capable of forming coherent thoughts. “I’ve never told anyone before. It feels so weird even saying it out loud,” you say as you pull back from Mitch’s embrace. You're thankful his shirt is black, no tear stains can be made out.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks gently, gauging your reaction. You wipe at your eyes and nod.
Taking a deep breath, you decide to start from the beginning. “Do you remember the party Charlotte had a week before we left for tour?”
Mitch nods and his eyes widen at what you’re saying as he remembers the night. “It started back then?” He’s unable to contain his incredulous question. He had suspected something, but hadn’t thought it had been going on for that long. He was truly astounded. You nod, “Well sort of,” then you go on to recount the last couple of months. All the way up until the Forum shows. “That night, when I opened Harry’s door and it was you standing there...Harry and I didn’t have anything to discuss. It was just…” Mitch nods again. He hadn’t spoken much since you had gotten into the story, wanting to let you be in charge of what you were saying and believing he could probably ask questions at the end. “Then the next night he blew me off for his date with that model and I cried in the elevator because I knew what was going to happen next.”
“So that’s when it ended?” Mitch asks when you don’t speak for a rather extended period of time.
“Yeah, the next morning he came over and I asked if they had sex and he said yes so I told him it was over.”
“But I don’t get why he went out with that model. He had told me she wasn’t his type the night before…” Your eyes shot up and looked at Mitch. His eyes widened when he realized what he said.
“What?”
“When we were talking about Canyon Moon, he mentioned that Jeff had tried to set him up with some woman but he had declined. Said he wasn’t interested. I don’t get what changed between then and the next morning.” He figured it was best to put all the cards out on the table right now. You’d be going your separate ways for a while, now that the tour was over and he had seen how unhappy both you and Harry had been over the last part of the tour.
You shift your leg to have it folded beneath you as you continue to stare at Mitch. “He came over after you and him had your meeting,”  you say quietly. Mitch hums, waiting for you to continue this time.
“He apologized for choosing you over me to talk to. Then we slept together, but we didn’t have sex...I think that’s what wigged him. It had felt too real, sleeping in the same bed with me without having sex beforehand made it feel like something more than just two people fulfilling needs.” Mitch nods and sighs heavily. He looks around the room and then back to you, taking in your full appearance. Again he feels terrible for you, how he had felt the second night at the Forum even though he hadn’t known the full story yet. “Now we’re here.”
“Tonight, it felt like he was trying,” Mitch finally said and you smiled sweetly, thinking back to Harry’s behavior. No matter how far from him you were, all those good feelings you associated with him never went away.
“Yeah, it’s been getting better. He texted me once saying he was trying. Then he came out with us one night and it almost seemed like that would be the night he’d apologize, but then he didn’t. Then we started sharing music with each other again. Then tonight… was tonight. It’s just confusing. He’s confusing.”
Mitch smiles sadly and brings you in for another hug and you’re actually so thankful he
showed up at your door. It was your first time telling anyone all of this, because Harry didn’t even know how you felt about some of these things. It felt amazing to be heard and to be told it was okay to be feeling like this.
Pulling back, Mitch says, “He’s definitely different. But his differences are what make him special and that’s why I think he clings to them even if they sometimes can hurt other people. The fact that he’s trying is a good sign. I hope he can find it in himself to make it right between you two because I had never seen either of you happier than when you were apparently together. Especially those few weeks leading up to Los Angeles. Sarah had kept asking me why Harry was so smiley back then. When I had asked him, he had just said “have you ever found something and realized you wanted to keep it with you forever?” I had no idea what he had meant, but I feel like he meant you now.”
Your awestruck at what Mitch has just told you. He was right about the first part about Harry trying to change, but the last bit, that’s what had left you speechless. You turn your body to face the rest of the room and put your chin against your hand as you think.
“Mitch...I have to go.”
He understands what you mean and you walk out of the door with him. He walks down the hall to his room and you walk quickly past the elevator and opt for the stairs. Before you know it you’re running up the stairs, taking two at a time even though you’re not the most athletically inclined. You can’t stand to wait for the elevator and your mind is racing.
You knock on the door that is Harry’s after reaching his floor. It swings open and reveals a confused and sleepy Harry. Thankfully he’s still fully dressed because that would have been a whole other problem you would have if he hadn’t been. You push past him and walk straight into his room without any invitation. He follows behind you, still unsure of why you’ve come here.
“Have you ever found something and realized you want to keep it forever?” You ask him, repeating the words Mitch had just told you.
“Pardon?”
“You told Mitch that about me before we ended things. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you do what you said?”
Harry sighs as the words register in his mind. The memory of when he had smiled at Mitch so giddily and asked the vague question, his thoughts only of you as he asked it. The shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face after Mitch had looked at him confusedly flitted across his mind. As well as the way he had gone to his dressing room and had a quickie with you after that conversation.
“It’s not that simple…”
“It is, Harry! Why can’t you just be honest with me for once?”
“Okay, fine. You want me to be honest?” you nod at his harsh tone. The two of you standing only a few feet apart. “You have no goddamn idea what you do to me, when I’m around you, I have no control of my emotions or of my thoughts. I pushed you away because I didn’t like feeling out of control. I got out because what had started as a fun time had turned into me longing to be with you every waking hour. I found myself not caring what we did as long as I got to hold you and be around you, but that wasn’t part of the plan.”
“Plans can change, Harry.”
You step closer to him and he meets your eyes. He had left his music playing softly on his phone before he had opened the door so now as the two of you stared at each other, he must have been playing his Etta James playlist because her voice faded out of the song “I’d Rather Go Blind” and straight into “A Sunday Kind of Love”. Harry had shared her At Last album with you over the Christmas holiday of last year and you had decided to listen to her entire discography afterwards, so you knew the songs. The transition was a little too on the nose and you wondered if Spotify ever listened to your conversations.
His emerald eyes examine your face and take inventory of your features, measuring whether anything had changed since he had looked at you this close up. Your hand goes up to cup his cheek and he nuzzles into it, dropping his head closer to you ever so slightly and closing his eyes at the feeling of you.
“I am sorry,” he whispers earnestly as he reopens his eyes.
You can’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He looks so soft in the moment, so vulnerable in this light as the music swells in the corner of the room. Etta sings about how she needs a love that is going to last as the pair of you inch yourselves closer together.
“I forgive you, Harry,” you whisper back.
He nudges his head further down and your lips finally press together, slotting back together after months apart. Your lips are eager to press back against their favorite companion. You oblige them, but pull back for a second, just far enough to say, “I will always forgive you, so long as you tell me when you’re scared so we can work through it together.”
He nods, “I promise to never let you go again.” Before taking you back against his lips and gathering your body up in his arms. His lips missing yours just as much.
-
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hotbucket404 · 2 years ago
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hi! i saw a post of yours with your favorite artists and i saw andrew bird and hozier and mitski and i was wondering if you had any music recommendations/any cool music you’re listening to right now? <3
hi there!! im so glad you asked ive got a few recommendations:
the decemberists- indie folk/rock; VERY lyrical, lots of story songs. 'Picaresque' is a great starting album
shawn james- indie folk/blues rock; got me into hozier! he has a very blusey voice like hozier but its a lot louder lol, got a lot of bible references and greek mythology. 'Shadows' is a great folk album and 'Through The Valley' is a classic!
joanna newsom- indie folk; SHE PLAYS THE HARP!!!! i really love her music because shes a real storyteller and uses the harp in a lot of her songs. her songs can be quite long though, and you might find her voice a bit grating. 'Bridges and Balloons' is a really nice song about childhood stories! I'd recommend her whole album 'The Milk-Eyed Mender' (the songs aren't too long on it lol). shes not on spotify tho :(
beirut- folk pop?; they use a lot of traditional eastern european sounds which i love. 'Nantes' is a banger
sufjan stevens- indie folk; hes best known for making the soundtrack to call me by your name if youre familiar with that! 'Seven Swans' is a really good soft folk album, i think 'Abraham' is a really nice song with some biblical imagery
st vincent- indie pop; im specifically recommending her early work here, her first two albums have some really soft moments and can feel quite cinematic imo. 'All My Stars Aligned' rlly takes me places lol. id also strongly recommend this video which has her and andrew bird doing an acoustic concert in a house, its like a comfort video for me tbh
neko case- indie rock?; shes someone ive only been getting into recently but i feel like she kinda fits. she reminds me of mitski a bit. her song 'Star Witness' rlly hits and is a bit of a folky-dreamy vibe
ive also got a playlist with a lot of these artists on them if you want to check it out! i would go on about more artists but i dont wanna overwhelm you lol
hope you enjoy!
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