#edit: okay against me is literally not on instagram music or whatever so new song of the day

[art--harridan]

[Image description: A digital drawing based on the film Shallow Grave. Alex Law is at the centre of the piece, face set in an anxious grin. His eyebrows are furrowed in worry. There's a drill hole in his forehead that's dripping blood, and also a knife in his left shoulder that is also bloody. He's stuck in a vast pile of dirt, which travels up to his waist. One of his hands is slightly submerged while the other is pulling a telephone out of the dirt. The latter one is near some drops of blood on the ground. Further down, there's a pile of money seemingly beneath the dirt. Further up and behind Alex, there's the silhouettes of two graves and a shovel leaning on the second one. The first is very bloody, while the other has less blood splattered on. The night sky is dark and starless, though there is a bright red moon in the sky. The colours for the piece are similarly red-toned.]

Inktober - Day 24 (Shallow)

Film - Shallow Grave (Danny Boyle, 1994)

[hongnanglen-arina]

The Ulzzang Project - Part 1 | Jeon Wonwoo

Read part 2  

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Genre: Fluff, crack (maybe explicit content in the next chapters)

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x female reader

Warnings: none

Words: 2.6k

A/N: Hello there! Here’s part 1 of my mini series of you and Wonwoo, the next ulzzang stars hahaha :3 I’d be happy to know your thoughts about it. I’m already working on part 2. I might spice it up in the upcoming chapters. If you don’t like that, scream at me and I will stop hehet. So, have fun! And as always, please remember that English isn’t my first language so excuse my grammar ♡

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You sat in Wonwoo’s apartment. It was one of those Saturday nights where you two would order greasy food, have competitive game sessions and cuddle together on his couch or in his huge bed. You’ve known each other ever since your mothers went to driving school together. Both got married to their significant other and soon you two were born, making them joke that you two should end up together when you get older. That didn’t happen obviously. Instead you grew up like siblings, spending nearly all of your free time together, fighting over stupid little things but always making up quickly after. Even studying together, entering the same university and sharing the same group of friends. You two were kind of inseparable. 

“Wait, why is the bucket of fried chicken already empty???” You shot a shocked look at the boy beside you who wasn’t paying attention to you but bobbed his head to the music of the band in the youtube video which was playing on his tv screen, licking his fingers clean to get another slice of pizza. Before taking a bite, he gave you a rather emotionless answer, his face dead ass serious. “Dunno. Maybe we ate it?”

You scoffed at his words. Oh Jeon Wonwoo.

More laughing, more jamming to music and more teasing until you were full, halfway lying on the floor while you talked about the new annoying professor at uni that scolded Dokyeom on his very first day and was on bad terms with him from that day on. 

After a while you cleaned up and started to play Dead or Alive to ‘relieve some stress’. You two had mastered this game for years now, resulting in you and Wonwoo winning and loosing the same amount of times. While you stick to one character, he switched to different ones but even though you two were always close, you would never grow tired of this game and those competitions with him. 

When he left for using the bathroom, you unlocked your phone and scrolled through Instagram, stopping at a specific post of a couple who uploaded a suggestive photo of them without revealing much of their person. You cocked your head to the side and Wonwoo noticed it when he came back. “What are you looking at, y/n?” He sat down beside you and you showed him your phone. “Look, they aren’t doing much and the photo has quite a bad quality - maybe on purpose - but it is still good that I understand why people push the like button. Effortless aesthetic.” 

Wonwoo made an annoyed grimace at your words and you raised an eyebrow. “What?” “Anyone can do that.” “Why do you think that?” Your best friend thought for a moment and pulled out his own phone, unlocking it and going through some apps until he held it in front of the two of you. Before you could ask what he was doing, he got closer to you and took a photo. You noticed that the room was silent. Only some faint noises from outside the window could be heard when he showed the photo to you. It was a photo of you two next to each other but other people wouldn’t recognize you two. The photo showed only your lips, chin, neck and a little bit of your shirt. You looked up at him and saw his grin. Wonwoo moved a little so that it seemed like he was going to kiss you. Slightly panicking, you automatically covered your face, asking him what the hell he was doing when you heard the shutter of his phone once again, signalizing that he took another photo.

The room was quiet when you removed your hands, a soft blush on your cheeks when he turned the screen, giving you a better look of the new photo. Wonwoo used a filter that gave your photo a nice vintage look. Blinking, you were kind of impressed. If you didn’t know better, you would say that it was a photo of a famous ulzzang couple from Instagram. Noticing Wonwoo’s pleased smirk, you hit his chest. “Yah, what was that all about, huh?? You can’t just-“ “I’m going to open a new account. I’m curious how many followers and likes we can get in a month.” 

You had a hard time to follow, squinting your eyes and opening your mouth like a fish without saying anything. He tapped on his phone happily, completely ignoring your confused state. “W-wait, what did you say? What do you mean? A new account? Followers? What?” You tried to have a better look on his screen but he turned around, chuckling a little so that his round glasses slid down the bridge of his nose a bit in the process. “Jeon Wonwoo! Answer!” 

Fighting you off his shoulders, he took his sweet time to do whatever he was doing on his phone and you whined, asking for answers but not getting one at all. Sighing, you gave up after a while, giving his broad back a death glare as you turned around and took your own phone, opening the previous app and pouting while scrolling through the already seen posts. You were facing the other direction, sitting back against back. Hearing Wonwoo chuckle from time to time or giving a thinking noise, he always got your attention but since he never explained what he was doing, you took some selfies, sticking out your tongue and pointing at the boy behind you. After editing it a little more, you uploaded it on your Instagram site with the single word ‘idiot’ and tagged him. Giggling to yourself, you didn’t notice the shuffling noises and the warmth behind you disappearing when Wonwoo literally shoved his phone in your face. Your groan got stuck in your throat when you finally got your answer.

Taking his phone out of his hand, you took a better look. It was a seemingly new Instagram account with one content, zero followers and zero following. Your eyes widen when you click on the only photo in this account. It was you two. The photo from before. You were covering your face while the photo was cut, only showing Wonwoo’s grin against your hands. Your eyes travel lower, silently reading through the hashtags he had added. #cutecouple #shy #ulzzangcouple #saturdaynight and 18 more. It didn’t take long until the first stranger liked your photo and you blinked in disbelief. That’s when you noticed the user icon. It was the sunflower you got Wonwoo when he moved into his apartment. The very first day. You remembered the moment when he stopped you in his door and took a photo of you. Although he cut it, you could still see your hands holding the flowers plus a part of your white dress from that day.

Another notification. Another 3 likes. You turned to Wonwoo, who was awaiting your opinion. Pointing at his phone and the still open app, you asked “Are you serious?” “Totally.” His short remark wasn’t convincing enough and the way Wonwoo continued talking showed you that he understood. “It’s like a little experiment. We take some photos together, upload it and wait. As I said, I’m curious how famous our little site can become. We can delete and close it after a month if you want.”

He watched your face patiently until you met his gaze. “Okay. Fine for me. But I have a question.”

“Go ahead.”

“Are we going to upload cute photos only or.. uhm… other photos also?”

“What do you mean with other photos?”

Oh Jeon Wonwoo don’t play dumb, you thought to yourself but lifted your arm, pulling your collar down a bit to reveal more of your neck and collarbone. “This.”

“Sexy?” Wonwoo smirked at you and you rolled your eyes, giving him a hard push so that he rolled onto his back, laughing at your reaction. 

You pouted and crossed your arms in front of your chest in an attempt to distract yourself from the blush on your face. You have seen it often enough. Accounts like that. And you would lie if you say you didn’t like them. Many of them showed their strongly edited faces but some didn’t show their faces at all and you guessed your site would be like the latter. If you are going to include more revealing or suggestive photos, you would care less if no one could see who it actually was. 

That’s how you agreed.

The whole night the two of you brainstormed. You collected ideas for your next photos and had lots of fun with it. Even lying in his bed together, giggling about the most common couple poses and making gagging noises when looking them up. At around 3 am you yawned and Wonwoo put his phone and glasses on the little night stand, opening his arms for you to crawl in as you always did. You just loved to sleep in his arms. It was some kind of habit since you were little. You loved his scent and his warmth and sometimes you even found yourself at your own home unable to fall asleep because he wasn’t there. 

The warm and bright sun woke Wonwoo up. He wanted to turn around and get some more sleep but decided to open one eye instead, noticing that you weren’t there anymore. So he stretched his limbs in all directions and put on his glasses. After grabbing his phone and getting out of bed, he waddled to the living room and found you in the small kitchen corner, humming a song he knew while preparing breakfast - or according to the time on the clock, lunch.

He was about to join you when he stopped in his tracks and unlocked his phone, quickly taking a photo before putting it away again. 

“What is my baby making?”

Facing him, you shot him your infamous death glare. “Baby? Really?”

Wonwoo laughed at your unamused voice and joined you, stopping right behind your small form and looking over your shoulder. “Do you know how I like my omelette?” Snorting loudly, you threatened him with your balled first that he quickly ran to the dining table and took his seat. Like the good and obedient boy that he could be. Sometimes. 

He was silent while you added your finishing touches to the late breakfast but when you started to set everything on the table Wonwoo was waiting at, he took another photo, a smile plastered on his face. "What did I do to deserve you, hm?"

You were about to take the first bite of omelette when you stopped in your tracks, fork just inches away from your lips. "Okay, what's going on, Wonwoo? You are super strange today?"

"Is that a surprise to you?"

"Not really... but today you're super super strange so tell me."

He grinned at you and took a sip of the orange juice. "I'm just happy to be with my baby, that's it."

"There!" You pointed at him with your fork. "What is that all about, huh? Since when am I your baby?? Did I miss out on something last night or what??"

The dark haired boy in front of you chuckled as you tried to squeeze an answer out of him, with no success. Slowly worry crept up your spine. "Wait.. I didn't do anything to you, right? Or, I didn't say anything uh... strange, right? I know we had alcohol but... Wonwoo, tell me." 

You saw him wiggle with his eye brow at you. "What do you wish did happen between us?"

"Yah! Jeon Wonwoo, I- .... I saw you naked more than one hundred times! I know all your secrets! I know you better than you know yourself! I.... I am just not your baby!"

He leaned back, crossing his arms in front of his chest while watching you pout. "Chill. I'm just trying to get into the mood."

"For what?"

"For sexy photos."

"For what?!"

"For s-"

"I heard you!!"

"Then why are you asking?"

The piece of omelette had fallen down from your fork a long time ago and you weren't sure what was more important in this very moment. The only thing that you were sure about was the fact that your cheeks were burning like fire. "I... why the heck do you want sexy photos?!"

"You wanted sexy photos for our experiment and here I am. The bestest friend that has ever existed is willing to take some with you. Shouldn't you feel all giddy or so?"

"Says who?" You mirrored him, crossing your arms as well, trying to remember your exact words from the day before. You thought you did ask about more revealing photos but it was just a question about the content of your shared Instagram, your little experiment or how Wonwoo had called it. You just wanted to be sure. Never have you imagined to take some with him a day later, today.

"Forget it. I'm not going to do that."

"Now I'm sad."

Snorting, you rolled your eyes, sure he said it only to sound funny. 

—

You sat with your friends from uni, poking your lunch with your chopsticks in such boredom that you were more than sure nothing could grab your attention nor lighten up the mood. But you were wrong. Seungkwan hit your shoulder and you were ready to start a fight when he showed you his cellphone screen. "Y/n, what do you think? Yesterday I started a couple Instagram with my girlfriend. It was something I've been thinking about for a while but yeah. How do you find our first post? Pretty nice, huh? We already got 217 likes!"

One chopstick fell out of your hand in surprise but you quickly nodded at your friend. Your own site was a secret. There was no way you would ever tell your friends about it especially if - one day - you would really post less child friendly content. No way. Also, where was Wonwoo?

"W-wow, 217 likes after a day is pretty impressive!"

"To be exact, it's been 20 hours and..... 32 minutes."

"Whatever."

When Seungkwan turned around to the other friends to show them his site, you secretly opened your own with Wonwoo, scrolling through the amount of likes you got until now. That's when you saw the 2 new posts. A photo of you standing in front of the stove, dressed in an oversized white shirt from Wonwoo, bare legs and one from when you set down the food in front of him. Both photos from that morning. Your own face couldn't be seen but they were edited similar like the first post. 

Your eyes flew over the texts Wonwoo had added to each of them.

G'morning baby.

My baby is the best.

Looking around, you quickly made sure that your friends didn't notice what you were doing and you tried to get rid of the warm layer that was covering your cheeks. He wrote baby.

Then you remembered the real reason you opened the app. You wanted to see how many likes you got until now. The newest of the food had 7. The one of you cooking breakfast had 38. And the first one from last saturday had 305 likes. Although you had more than your friend, you wanted the gap to be bigger.

Without noticing, your competitive personality came out. You didn't want to lose to Seungkwan and his girlfriend. Opening Kakao Talk, you wrote Wonwoo a message with a lot of cute shouting emoticons you once bought.

[Y/n] We need more photos - today. I'll be at your place at 7. It's urgent.

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This gif is literally Wonwoo right before he came up with his genius idea lol

[deltacomerade]

so, i’ve been a lil confused by this since it was posted: why did the MCR accounts post about Umbrella Academy? like, okay, obviously Gerard wrote the comic and produced the show, it’s their project, but it’s strange that both the band’s account posted about it and the show’s official page tagged MCR in the post teasing Here Comes The End (which is honestly fucking great, not perfect, but great).

i know a lot of people have naturally assumed it means that the boys will make new music for the soundtrack, which if it is the case Hell Yeah Sign Me Up, but i’m a lil hesitant to believe that.

some others are thinking Gerard just posted to the wrong account on accident (which sounds like something they would do), but if they did, why would the post still be there, and then followed up by a thing for Here Comes The End? i know Gerard doesn’t give a flying fuck about social media 8 times out of 10, unless its about some cool rocks they found, but still. ((EDIT: I haven’t seen solid proof of this, but someone mentioned the reason MCR was tagged and why it posted there is Maybe because Ray is in charge of the acount, and that was their way to include him since he helped out on the song with Additional Guitars and (also weirdly) Bass, which kinda makes sense, but last i checked, or simply assumed, i’m pretty sure all the of the guys have access to the account, since both Ray and Frank posted stuff about their experiences in the band, so i’m not entirely sure about it. Also, while about as active as Gerard, Ray does have his own Instagram, so that doesn’t help support this theory.))

and some people have also said it’s just Warner Bros. wanting to get some free publicity, which definitely sounds like something they as a corporation would do. BUT Umbrella Academy isn’t owned by them, the show itself is owned partially by Dark Horse (who published the comic) and Universal, who bought the rights waaaay back in the day to make a movie out of the comic, but then changed it to a show. so it could be Them wanting to get publicity (maybe as “repayment” in a way for Dark Horse doing the Killjoys comic for Gerard and MCR or some dumb shit like that, who knows) this honestly makes the most sense out of everything else, but a lot of people, unfortunately myself included, just naturally assumed it was Gerard’s idea alone. which is a great transition into;

at the top of this Weirdness Heap (which is probably gonna be Gerard’s second solo album name. back off Moss Lord, i call dibs), someone mentioned years ago when the band was originally together, Gerard wanted to keep the two projects seperate. and, to add onto the last point, as a producer, does Gerard actually have the power to choose where to advertise the show, or are they just going along with what Netflix marketing decides to do because Netflix is in charge of the whole shebang? either way, it still don’t make a lot of sense to me.

ALL THAT BEING SAID, it isn’t the first time the MCR social media accounts were used to promote the members’ individual projects, the FB account promoted Frank’s album last year in May, but weirdly not Mikey’s work with Electric Century on either FB or IG. (again, Devil’s Advocate, there has been publicity on the other members’ Personal Accounts on different platforms and such, but not that i remember on the MCR page) ((EDIT 2: After a bit more careful digging and some assistance, i did find that the MCR account DID help promote Mikey’s new album, i just overlooked it a bit...in hindsight, i’m realizing maybe i didn’t work hard enough on this, and am kind of an actual dumbass? honestly though, this was All just a personal thoughts thing, not actually a criticism of Gerard or the band, so it doesn’t really matter.))

in summary...i honestly don’t know. like, obviously Frank, Mikey, and Ray knew about it ahead of time, they showed and voiced their support. and honestly, i fucking love how they all support each other with their own projects, its kinda sweet. (and yeah, i know some douchehole is gonna chime in with “Free Money”, but I DONT CARE THIS YEAR IS A FUCKING CESSPIT GIVE ME THIS ONE THING) and also, while i know they aren’t a perfect person, and they’ve acknowledged that themselves, i really truly firmly don’t believe Gerard did it to be selfish and abuse their power as the band’s leader to make a quick buck. while they obviously need to support their family, Gerard still does their best to stand by what they believe or oppose what they’re against, including selling out. i know some of you would disagree and think i’m just stupid, but i stand by that.

in the end the best answer may be the simplest one; since the virus started, maybe the band didn’t want the account to be stagnant until the tour starts up again, and thought they would use it to support each other’s work. it’s honestly possible once they start posting things related to their own work collectibely rather than just as individuals, they could just take both posts down.

[ So Bottom Line Here Is Don’t Go And Try To Bully, Accuse, Or Make Fun Of Gerard Again Of/For Something As Asinine As This, It’s Literally Not That Big Of A Deal, They’re Both Things They’re (G) Passionate About You Shitheads] (i’m not saying Stop The Memes, cuz i know that most of them are not made to be mean-spirited and some are honestly a lil funny, just...Dont Be A Dumbass, thats all i’m saying)

like i said, i dont know, maybe i’m overthinking again? it’s not a huge deal, i’m excited for the new season and for whatever things the Emo Gang summon in the future after this hellhole of a year blows over, just my two cents.

[salvatoreschool]

Exclusive Interview with Actor and Musician Quincy Fouse

Musician and actor Quincy Fouse just dropped a new music video for his single, “I Know”. I got the chance to talk to him about how Hugh Jackman pushed him to start making and releasing music, his single “I Know”, what it was like shooting his first ever official music video for this single and so much more! Keep reading to see what he had to say!

Tell me a little bit about how you first got into making and performing music.

Okay, this is a good story. I was actually on set for my first movie Logan and I was beatboxing on set. I used to beatbox a lot in high school and I used to do a bunch of indie shows around my hometown. So Hugh Jackman hears me beatboxing and then he asked me, “Are you making anything?” And I was like, “Nah. I’m just having fun on set.” And he goes, “Well you know will.i.am produced most of the beats on the ‘I’ve Got a Feeling’ track while he was working on set with [me]. Maybe you should look into that.” We went on hiatus, I got a computer, I downloaded Logic and was looking up how to produce. So ever since then, I’ve just been producing music and then I got back into writing and rapping and it just kind of snowballed from there.

So making music and releasing it was never something you actually thought about until Hugh Jackman told you that it’s something you should consider.

Literally yes. I was just kind of chasing the feeling with acting. So I had just gotten used to the fact that acting was something that I could really live off of and then Hugh was like, “You should produce music” and I was like, “Okay” [laughs].

That’s so funny. I know you use the stage name Soul Fro when you release your music. What made you want to use a stage name and why Soul Fro?

[laughs] Well when I was in high school, I was kind of a really shy kid and when I started beatboxing – I guess I can’t say when I started beatboxing because I had been beatboxing my whole life – but so when high school [classmates] got a whiff of what I could do, I noticed I got people’s attention and I made people feel good and people would come out and start rapping while I was beatboxing. I kind of just became this kid with an afro that beatboxed in high school. I believe there was some upperclassmen who named me Soul Fro and it just stuck. I was like, “You know what, I’m going to make this work.” Now since then, the name itself has received a lot more meaning from me just because it’s kind of one of the first markers of me coming into my own self-confidence in high school. So music Quincy will be [known as] Soul Fro.

Gotcha. Something I’m always genuinely curious about is what artists want to convey to listeners with their music. If you had to describe the music you create without using genre names, how would you describe it?

I’d describe it as love in a vibe. I think when I make the beat and I build a chord, I’m looking for this feeling of being carried by the music; then, when I write, I’m just expressing the truth that’s on my heart. And all of that, in the process of essentially writing away and being my whole self, that’s what I define to be the equation of loving oneself.

Very cool. Kind of going off of that, who are some of your musical influences?

My biggest ones – and I’ve got millions – are Childish Gambino for sure and then Erykah Badu. Growing up, I’d say beatboxing was the first thing I did to get confidence, but the sparking moment that led me to even attempt to believe in myself to do these indie shows was watching Donald Glover on Community and seeing how weird and how awkward he can be in his comedy but still have a successful and secure place in society. I’ve been listening to Erykah Badu’s music and there’s always something so comforting and something that reminded you that you’re home within this breadth of culture in her sound. So both of those things coming together just kind of really defined my vibe of inspiring the kids that were like me and then also just giving that sense of love that isn’t finite to that kid.

Gotcha. So let’s talk about this new single, “I Know”. What’s the story behind that song? What inspired it?

The story behind that song, I was just working in LA and I met this girl. She was amazing. I was in the moment of falling for her, but knowing that I didn’t really have a destination and I didn’t really have a concrete place of wanting something for us together. I didn’t necessarily want to marry her. I’m too young for that. But I wanted her; I wanted her in so many ways and I just started writing and essentially just talking to her [through the song]. “I don’t know what exactly I want but I feel like you got it, whatever it is.” Just that place of confusion and yearning.

What was your songwriting process like for this song? Was it something that came pretty easily to you or is it something you kept coming back to and working on?

I literally wrote that thing in one day. It was just that intimate conversation. That’s why there isn’t a second verse. I just kind of used my producing chops to give some color to the rest of the song because that was just really authentic. It was straight from the heart and it was a message to her.

In general, though, when you write, do you tend to write by yourself or are you someone who likes collaborating with other artists in co-writes?

Oh I mean if I’m featuring on another song, we definitely sit down together. I create with my brother Darin Blaine Wilkens and then my other brother Colah, whose name is Noah Alexander Gary. I was recently featured on their newest album, How Was Your Day?. But yeah, when I’m writing with those guys for a feature on their music, we definitely talk with each other to make sure that we have the cause of the song down. If someone writes verse and it kind of goes against the message of the song, then we will all work together to kind of alter it. But other than that, if I’m working on a standalone project or it’s my song, then I’m writing the verses myself.

So for “I Know”, were there any major changes that happened once you got into the studio, whether it be in the lyrics or something sonically?

Nah. No. It was all pretty straightforward. And because I produced the beat for “I Know” as well. So right after I made the beat, sitting there in the studio session – I like to have like my family around me as I’m making stuff just because sitting in love makes me perform better – so while I’m sitting there, I make the beat, they’re like, “Oh that’s hot” and I just started writing the song. It’s one of the perks of being the producer and the lyricist and the performer.

I know you also shot a music video for this song. What was that experience like?

It was so dope. I worked with my good friend Barry Galperin, who is the director, and he created the music video for me. I called him up after the song came out and I was like, “Look man. I know that you kind of process art the same way that I do and I know that you could hit this feeling. Can we work together?” And he was like, “Sure.” It was so great because we were so in sync the entire time, so it was a beautiful experience.

Was that your first time shooting a music video or had you shot other ones prior?

No, that’s my first music video. I’ve shot little promos before. But yeah, that was my first official music video.

Was it everything you thought it’d be or was it completely different than what you thought it be?

Oh it was amazing. I think for me, I never have a template of an expectation. I have more of a specific goal or something to accomplish rather than expecting any type of experience. So when I just got on set and saw that we were accomplishing each little goal, you look at the end product and it just kind of made sense. But it was definitely beautiful all throughout the process and that’s something I definitely take away from the experience.

In terms of new music, what’s on the horizon for you? What are you working on?

[laughs] OK. I recently just sort of hinted at this on my Instagram so I can talk about it now, but I have a single that I wrote with Kaylee Bryant and she plays Josie on my show, Legacies. I wrote a little ditty for season one and we talked to Legacies and they let me keep the rights to it so I can make a song. So I’ve just kind of like expanded upon that scene and we’ll be releasing that.

Other than that, I have a couple of other singles that I got coming out and I’m going to be re-releasing my first album Soul Space. I had to make a few little edits to that and I also wanted to add a bonus track to it. Then, after that, I have a prospective future album called Son of the Ronin and that’s the album that I’m getting ready to go work on and kind of delve into the magnum opus of sorts.

Very cool. You’ve got a lot music wise coming up.

[Laughs] Yeah, I do.

What are some of your music industry related goals for your career over the next couple of years?

Like I said, I’m very goal oriented so I kind of stay away from the template of “I want to take over the game and be the best rapper ever” blah, blah, blah. I want to be able to just do live performances where the audience knows the words to my songs. And I just want to be able to express myself honestly. That’s pretty much the one mark that I want to hit. As far as the ascension and the gears that are the entertainment business, you know we’ll deal with it when we get there.

Last question – our website is called Talk Nerdy With Us because we all have an inner nerd, so what is something you are currently nerding out about?

Something I am currently nerding out about is Miles Morales in general because that’s always been like a dream role of mine [laughs]. I fantasize about that character, man. So I’m excited to watch the new Spider-Man coming out and I wonder if you can expect like maybe he’s in there; that would be really fun to see.

[artificialqueens]

Water Talks (Biadore) Ch. 2 - Xana

A/N: greetings, sweeties! here goes chapter 2 and I’m so excited! if you’re unfamiliar with Adele’s song “Water Under the Bridge” I strongly recommend you to listen, it’s so beautiful, it inspired me lots and I may or may not used it somewhere else. I couldn’t help it! (lyrics are in italics) MK did a wonderful job with the editing, she’s literally the best! I hope you like it xx

Eventually, Roy changed his mind and went with the flow. He could never resist Shane’s ways of persuasion (mainly the blackmailing about Roy’s deepest secret which unfortunately blondie happened to know), not to mention Danny’s puppy eyes, which he pouted at Roy at least three times a day for a whole week.

They agreed to go somewhere warm and far from cities. For the record, no one wanted this trip more than Roy, he just didn’t want to leave all his responsibilities behind, so they rescheduled some of their gigs and made sure all of their managing teams and friends knew where they were and how to get to them. Greg called to let them know he had to be in Peru and apologized profusely for not being there.

Then, Wednesday morning, the three of them went MIA. At first, no one noticed. Fans didn’t pay much attention to Courtney’s empty Instagram story or Adore’s lack of tweets. After a few hours passed, however, some people began to question why three of the drag ABCD kept silent.

At this time, they were already on their way to the place they’d chosen in advance. A tent, blankets, and a sleeping bag had been packed in Danny’s backpack, with tons of alcohol and other necessary and not so necessary things in the trunk of Roy’s car. Roy suggested they use his car as he had previously included Noriega in his insurance and he could drive it in the case of Roy getting fucked up.

“Turn off the motherfucking radio, pleeeaseee” whined Danny, trying to cover his ears with the hoodie he had been using as a pillow.

Some shitty country station had been playing since the beginning of the trip, but as he was listening to his own playlist, Danny hadn’t had a problem before. Now that his iPhone was dead, Danny was forced to acknowledge the existence of some very not cool music. He should have charged his phone on the plane or somewhere but didn’t think about it until the horrendous country music was poisoning his eardrums.

“I haven’t had my revenge just yet” smiled the blond man.

“Fuck you”

When they had packed the car Danny took over the backseat, refusing to share it with Shane and as they started moving he quickly fell asleep. Shane was forced to stay awake and small talk Roy so he wouldn’t crash them. They couldn’t take turns because Jenek wasn’t in the insurance. It was completely useless anyway, he was wasted every time they hung out. It was 8 am when they left the city, and for god’s sake, everyone wanted to sleep.

“Ugh, fuck” Danny groaned and returned to his embryonic position.

“Come replace B, she’s about to fall asleep at the wheel” Shane .

“Yes!” Danny shouted excitedly, jumping up.

“No!” Roy cut Danny off in unison.

“Shit!” Danny hit his head on the roof of the car.

Roy momentarily turned to the backseat with unspoken worry.

“Roy!” Shane shouted and tried to get the hold of the steering wheel, as Roy unintentionally drove the car into the opposite lane.

“Sorry! Are you okay, Danny?” he quickly returned his eyes to the road, evening the wheels as he returned to the right lane.

“Well, since we didn’t fucking crash, I guess I am. Party!”

“You’ve been driving for two hours, and as far as I can see, you’ve been nodding off for the past ten minutes” Shane reasoned.

“Yeah, B, you can take my place and I’ll take yours” agreed Danny.

“Bitch, I wanted to go back” complained Shane.

“You go back, I’ll just sleep here” Roy gestured to the front passenger seat and slowly pulled over. “Why the fucking fuck did we wake up that early.”

All three of them switched places and ate half of the pizza that Danny had hidden in the trunk. Noriega was now driving with Haylock sleeping next to him and Jenek victoriously laying in the back of the car, with his earbuds in. Danny shut the radio down as they fell asleep and continued driving. Half an hour passed and he understood why they chose to listen to such shit. Still, all the broadcasts were awful, so he tried to wake his iPhone up and plug it in, which resulted in nothing since the cable didn’t fit. As Shane fell asleep with his, there was only one phone left to plug in and play some good music. Roy’s.

“Shit, what’s his PIN?“ Danny whispered and lightly pushed Roy’s shoulder. "Roy, hey, what’s your PIN?”

“Two-nine-oh-nine” Roy absent-mindedly blinked and fell back asleep.

“Two-nine-oh-nine. What else is two nine oh nine?” Danny typed the PIN with one hand, eyes following the road.

Then the realisation hit him.

“Shit! That’s my birthday!” he exclaimed unintentionally loud.

“Ah? What’s your birthday?” Roy exclaimed from his dreams.

“Ahahaha, no, today’s not the day, it's just that your PIN is my birthday” he laughed.

“Oh, well I won’t forget then” Roy noticed his heart pounding very quickly, but a theatrical background does a guy a lot of favors.

“You never forget, though” Danny commented.

“Then again, how did you manage to get my PIN?” seconds later he realised what exactly Danny had said.

The slightest fear of exposure almost paralyzed him in that moment. If Danny was curious enough, he would easily be able to find the stuff Roy kept locked in his phone. That shit would blow up like fucking 4th of July fireworks.

“I just want like some music, it’s so fucking boring driving the car while you both are fucking sleeping” he whined.

“Yeah, but you were just sleeping, and if I suggest Court play ‘kill, marry, fuck’ she would kill you without a second thought” Roy’s heart was pounding loudly, but his voice remained still.

His whole life was at the stake and he has to play it out.

“Don’t wanna guess who this bitch would bang or ring” Danny loudly laughed.

“My playlist is blank because I have all my music on my iPod which I happened to leave at home today, sorry” he retrieved his phone.

Danny sighed and handed over the phone.

“Fuck it, mine is dead”

“Not my fault, honey” Roy curled up in his seat, preparing to fall asleep again.

“I just, like, forgot to plug it in!”

“At least you could have taken the charger…”

"Oh, fuck off!” Danny blurted. “Then I’ll fucking sing!”

“Go on, queen” Roy waved and covered his eyes with his hoodie.

Danny thought of music choice for a minute. He didn’t want to sing anything very sad but he also didn’t want to seem too happy. His mind wandered to the last song on his playlist he was able to listen to before his phone shut down.

“If you’re not the one for me then how come I can bring you to your knees” he started, his full attention on the road as Roy shifted in his seat.

“If you’re not the one for me why do I hate the idea of being free?” he tapped his fingers against the wheel. Roy watched him with half closed eyes, trying not to bring attention to him being awake.

Roy loved to hear Danny sing. Not a performance, just him humming and changing songs in whatever direction his mind wandered. He always chose deep songs that somehow reflected his mood or his thoughts. Performing, he always had a strict set list he followed, without bringing too much of Danny into Adore. Roy loved every second of this real moment with Danny. He fully closed his eyes and let his mind slip away.

“If you’re gonna let me down, let me down gently, don’t pretend that you don’t want me” meanwhile Danny moved to the chorus and his voice became a little stronger as he checked Roy breathing calmly.

“Our love ain’t water under the bridge” Danny glanced at Roy, blinked and decided to change the song.

+++

Danny spent some time humming to songs he loved, as his mind kept going back to his time on AllStars2. He didn’t like to admit it but “I Can’t Love You” always gave him some strength when everything else failed. That and “4 am” were his two most beloved and sincere songs about what he had been going through recently. He thought he could give it a shot, since everyone was sleeping, and he could just let his tears go.

“Baby you’re the work of art… A shooting star…” he began quietly.

Roy moved in his sleep and Danny quickly stopped. He waited until the older man’s breath evened out again and started over.

“Baby you’re the work of art… A shooting star…”

“Lighting up the darkness… So lucky that we found this, yeah…”

Roy awakened, but didn’t move. He didn’t want the moment to end.

“You know you got me losing sleep… I can’t believe the beauty of this moment…”

Roy always wondered who this song was about. Danny never shared a lot about his private life, his romantic interests or anything of that sort. He had spoken a few times about who he was seeing at the time or a particularly interesting story about his current obsession, but never with details, contrary to Shane or Greg who would always excitedly text in the chat about their new boyfriends or hook ups. They grew very close after Drag Race and the tours, so it was nothing extraordinary for Shane to call all four of them best friends. Even if Roy denied it every time being asked, he knew Shane, Danny and Greg were among his closest friends. Sometimes it really is RuPaul’s Best Friends Race.

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted…”

“But I can’t love you…”

“I can’t love you today, I can’t love you tomorrow”

“I can’t love you anyway” as Danny followed the lyrics, he felt tears gathering in his eyes.

“Hey, do you mind sharing a secret?” Roy said without opening his eyes.

Danny visibly flinched at the question, not expecting to hear Roy’s voice. He checked the navigation and realised they were ten minutes away from their destination, so he’s probably safe from a long talk about his private life.

“Yeah. I guess you want to ask, like, who this is about?”

“Uh-huh” Roy nodded, and opened his eyes. “And don’t say that shit about the Brazil guy. I know you, and I know that even though you had a good crush on him there was no problem between you two and the song’s too sad to be about him”

“Shit, you got me” Roy widely smiled at that. “All I can say is that I had… have, I guess, like really strong feelings for one person that I’ve tried to overcome for a while. I know the feeling isn’t mutual, so I just keep it to myself” Danny kept his eyes on the road, not looking at Roy.

He put all of his efforts to keep his voice calm and relaxed even as his whole body started to shake. Despite his hands trembling, he made sure to keep a strong hold of the steering wheel and his heart was pounding in his chest. He fought the urge to look at Roy’s reaction.

“Are we there yet?” Shane’s voice broke the silence.

“Oh, the Donkey is awake” laughed Roy in his typical manner.

Danny exhaled with relief, still trying not to look at his friend. Thank God Shane had such perfect timing.

“Navigation says almost” he answered.

Shane whined about being in the car for so long and Danny led the discussion far away from personal life until they reached their destination.

—

[tearsareshootingstars]

January 2017

hello.

when coming up with my little list of resolutions for this year, i was thinking about blogging - or keeping some sort of written record - about my “progress” weekly, but i have decided to commit to monthly updates. it is less writing and easier to plot the points of how i am doing.

if you are just tuning in to the life of ben, i write mostly for myself - these posts on tumblr, twitter, instagram, facebook; i like these platforms (especially now that it is so easy to look back on past posts) because they act as sort of a scrapbook. i enjoy “likes” and the like (haha) just as much as everybody else, but i don t post for them. (if you ve ever read/seen something by me online then notice it s deleted later, that probably means i realized i posted that for someone else, not myself)

so, if you re still with me, thanks! if not, you re lying, because you wouldn t be reading this if you were not.

my attitude towards my list going into January was to start knocking off some easier things. i wanted to gain some momentum with this see a new movie every week thing, so i asked folks about movies they like, and i got almost 52 responses, so that was a good start! some notables so far: Top Gun, Aliens, Brooklyn, George Lucas's American Graffiti. getting excited about seeing movies in theatres helps with this too: i get to enjoy La La Land and Hidden Figures, and also include them on my list of new movies!

i hope to find a 10k to run here in central Florida in the fall. i am stoked to purchase some albums from artists i have never bought from before this spring and summer.

i am nervous about the write a song and post it on the internet one, because that goes against what i said earlier - this would be for others, not me. but, maybe this WOULD be for me. hmm...

i m also nervous about the tattoo. i don t know about that one. there has been something that i have been feeling very deeply about recently, but on the other hand, tattoos hurt, they cost money, they take some research (the good ones probably always should), they make strangers and your relatives look at you more, and they make your friends pretend like they know about tattoo culture, or whatever. i just don t want to become ‘person with tattoos’ anymore than i want to be ‘guy who likes minions more than most children’ or ‘quiet ben.’ this one may take a while, but we re just getting started with 2017. it s okay.

my tone in that last section is a segue into this next thought. i have noticed that i have become quite defensive lately. i feel a lot like i am being attacked. physical space has been an issue for a while, but even recently just a question can kind of set me into a bad 5 minutes. every look in my direction or call of my name frustrates me. the people i have talked to about this and myself have concluded that i am a bit bitter due to not being in a place (not necessarily geographically) that i do not like. school was hard but i was a musician, i was an artist, i was a student, i was gosh darn bohemian. i had the freedom to create and explore. i do not feel that now. i feel stifled. i long for more, for other, for different. hence one of my other list items, apply or audition for something. this one may have to move up on the queue here pretty soon. i don t reeaally miss playing in church bands (sorry to sound like a brat, but that music does not interest me much anymore), but i would like to get involved in a local church, so we ll see about that one, too. i ll have to remember how to pray and then pray about that. (for my friends in the faith, maybe you could intercede on my behalf?)

what else is there? uhm, i m not going to say much about President Trump. i just wish people would stop saying things like “Fuck Trump” and then post about how “love is better than fear” or whatever. maybe i am out of touch with what love is (this is highly likely), but i think it s possible to root for Donald Trump AND ALSO stand/speak up when he tries to do something silly. sorry if it seems i am making light of something you think is much bigger, but if you attend rallies and marches and post things online, but then i see you treating your neighbor (again, not literal neighbor - anyone you interact with, the biblical neighbor, if you will) with animosity or a conditional love, your presence at those rallies means little to me. did i say i would not go too much into this? sorry.

i am ready for february. i mean, i guess i am. do i have a choice? i ll need to acquire a new vehicle in the next 4-12 months probably, i don t even really know what taxes are, i miss music, i miss western new york and the people there. but i am still grateful. my life the last maybe 6 years has been funny in that when something is bringing me down, i usually bounce back up after hitting the floor, which for me is gratitude. are you seeing the picture i am trying to draw? gratitude is my foundation. if i am acting shitty to myself (or to you) it is because i am either on my way down to ‘rock bottom’ (gratitude!) or i just hit and i am on my way back up.

make sense? no? that s understandable. i mean i m definitely not going to take the time to reread/edit all this. thanks for reading. see you in february!

much love