#the weird renesmee jacob shit was a problem

[wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos]

the fact that the vampires sparkled in twilight wasn't actually a bad choice, y'all just hate teen girls

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Emily from the end of "Breaking dawn" travels back in time to the day before Sam accidentally cuts her face in the forest? What does Emily do to change the future?

☆Remember, Sam has already imprinted on her and Leah is confused why Sam is acting weird.☆

Does she has a happy ending or is more miserable than before?

Anon, you should write the fic.

(gif credit @franzias-cave)

Because honestly? Emily's not in a position to do much or change much, that was the entire damn problem.

She might, maybe, be able to avoid her face getting slashed as she realizes that getting into arguments with Sam is a very bad idea but probably part of what helped the lack of repeat performances there was that this had happened the first time and Sam had realized that he had to get this under control (and probably what helped with the other wolves as they started phasing as they then realized "oh shit, that could be me", we see Jacob terrified he'll cut up Bella accidentally and shift when upset and is very concerned about getting too angry in her presence even when she really pushes his buttons.)

Beyond that, though, she's human and the events that happen aren't really avoidable. She can tell Sam the newborn army is coming, but knowing in advance doesn't really help anything and they'd still have to team up with the Cullens to have the numbers to take them down (as several were very injured the wolves could not do it alone). Worse, someone could very well die in that fight, as several nearly did, and there'd be nothing she could do to stop it as they can't stop it from happening.

She could try to prevent Bella from going to Italy, thus preventing the Volturi from being on bad terms with the Cullens, but the wolves were never given the full story there of why the Volturi were after the Cullens specifically and what even was happening (they were told pretty much "vampires bad" and went "okay" because that's a pretty reasonable take in general) and even if she did know Bella was always going to do something and trying to watch the sea at all times would be a fool's effort.

Emily can't get rid of the vampires in the area, so she can't stop Leah from shifting, and telling Leah why Sam broke it off with her beforehand would just sound insane/wouldn't help anyone or repair their relationship.

She could try to tell Bella "no, really, Bella, don't become a vampire/don't marry Edward/don't have sex with Edward while human" except Jacob already tried that at the wedding and it didn't work out for him and Emily's barely ever talked with Bella and will not get her to listen to her when no one else could get Bella to listen.

She can try to talk Sam out of murdering Renesmee "turns out the girl's fine" and thus prevent Jacob from imprinting, and that might work out, and she might be able to let the Cullens actually move away so that the Irina debacle doesn't happen. But that requires a lot of people listening to her which may or may not happen.

Emily can do very little to change the plot.

[gaybd1]

Glad That’s Over

(Chris Suffers Through Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 for the First and Last Time)

ok last one thank god lol

this budget looks BIG

UH OH the credits say the Vampiric Council is back yikessss

Lee Pace??? Rami Malek??? DAYUM

I actually know like zero plot points we’re gonna see in here so my mind is wide open

Wtf I didn’t know Forks had Yosemite….

she just TACKLED a MOUNTAIN LION JESUS

oh okay wow so she’s just automatically good at everything I see

Okay yes I’m DEF gonna bd having problems w this baby, like the massive budget of this film and they can’t even cgi a normal looking kid or get a real baby for this stage

Jacob is such a mom

YEAH BELLA GET MAD THIS IS CREEPY

Lmao Edward w heart eyes like “she’s amazing right look at my wife”

YOU NAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER???? HOLY SHIT LINE OF ALL TIME

Why is Rosalie so obsessed w this baby though

She oughta check in with her parents soon eh

So interested in what their vampire sex is like but also I feel like that’s not my business at all and have no desire to see it

Oh damn lol the fangirlies def went feral over this one in theatres

Lmfao Jacob just stripping in front of Charlie like same tbh but this is hilarious

I do appreciate Jacob letting the cat out of the bag though

This was a dumb conversation just tell him

Bella he’s gonna wonder in a few years why you haven’t aged at all

This goddamn baby he’s obviously gonna figure out where SHE came from

Or maybe not lol

Yeah if I was Charlie I’d be pissed after all that

What did they do wrong why are they in trouble

Immortal Child omg what is that ohhhhhh

Lol Jacob speaking logic like “just tell the volturi they got the wrong idea” and everyone’s like “nah anyway how are we gonna fight”

Alice and jasper peacing out okay???

ohhhh convenient the kid can show people her memories eh

Ok so we got rami here as a waterbender

Oh shit he’s the AVATAR

So yeah I don’t actually know what’s happening

Okay Lee pace. Still confused.

I’m just so bored by all of this the whole series should have ended after the first cutesie half hour of this movie

Anyway all this attempt at like woke international vampires is like near-Harry potter levels of lazy racism…

Alice only told Bella her message bc they love each other actually,

so WHY are they abandoning their daughter??

Are we… gonna get an explanation of how renesmee even exists?

Anyway so if Bella’s a shield that STILL doesn’t explain how she was one before she was a vampire??

Now Alice is back bc sure I guess

Like this ENTIRE last hour of the movie is just unnecessary

Oh fuck and now Carlisle’s dead like come the fuck on

Another one bites the dust

Why are they even fighting? I fucking forgot bc the stakes are really SO low

Idk who any of the dying wolves are sorry am I supposed to be able to tell them apart??

I am not emotionally invested in the outcome of this fight At All

Just fighting to break each others necks k

WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS ALL NOT EVEN REAL. BIGGEST WASTE OF MY TIME EVER

oh jeez are they sending renesmee to live in the Amazon or

Oh slay

This weird little walk down memory lane amv? Also unnecessary but I mean yeah I guess the fans would be into it

Cool that she can like…. Unshield?? Obvs we won’t get a real explanation for that either lol

Amazing that I’ve seen this couple for 5 whole movies and still don’t care about their relationship at all

A thousand years IS an appropriate song to end on though I’ll give it that

Okay yeah I mean I’m glad to know what happens but this whole movie kind of sucked it didn’t need to exist tbh

Glad it’s over

Overall? Interesting franchise. It was whatever but it did kind of hold my interest enough. Will I ever understand why it was such a huge fandom phenomenon? No lol let’s get teen girls crazy about HEALTHY relationship dynamics next time

[away-ward]

Your response to ask and answered 289 about PD's choice of making Damon and Rika related

"I'm of the thought that Rika and Damon being related served two purposes for PD. One, PD loves walking the line of incest, and the idea of Rika and Damon with their tension (which is sexual), being related was too delicious to pass up. Two, PD loves Michael for being the first horsemen that spoke to them. Damon is their favorite, but Michael was the first and that's special. So while they love the idea of hinting Rika/Damon, they don't actually want people taking Rika away from Michael (also hence why anytime Rika engages with Kai on a physical level, Michael has to be there for it to be okay)."

reminds me of ContraPoints (Youtuber) who talked about twilight, and how stephanie meyer made jacob as renesmee's (bellaedward's daughter) mate because she still wanted to make jacob somehow related to bella, even though bella already got together with edward. So in a way, it's still a win for her, the readers and bella ofc. i don't think that your opinion of this could be so far off, because if it can happen to twilight, why cant it happen to devils night series right? Even the origin of this story and the inspiration behind nichael's name are already questionable, why not just add up the weird shit for the sake of it. That's probably how penelope douglas thinks.

Side note: and recently i saw a tiktok video of penelope douglas interacting with a fan, and omg she's so beautiful!!!!! The impression thati got from her is that she seem very centered, intense and focused. Idk, because i've seen tiktok videos of other authors and PD really did seem different than them, but not in an ovjective good or bad way, but i can definitely tell that this person wrote something crazy. Like when i compare her to kennedy ryan, lauren asher or even sierra simone in events, PD seems like she got an edge? Idk just a vibe? Idk but i kinda like it? Haha, i like it when an author matches the overallvibe of her books. And i like all these authors in different ways, their personality shined through.

btw that tiktok video is from user: devilsreads_

Hey!!

If I remember my twilight years correctly, didn’t SM want to jump from twilight straight to breaking dawn, without giving Jacob the chance to develop? And the editors were like, we need to give that more context? While I didn’t love the imprinting on Renesmee as a whole, I do see how for SM it was a win/win. I am curious if the Rika and Damon situation felt like a win/win to a problem, if it came to them in a stroke of inspiration, or if PD would say it was always planned.

I think PD is very pretty too! I wouldn’t know much to compare their interactions with other authors, but I looked up the tiktok you mentioned and I did like that they seemed to be paying close attention to the fan instead of trying to rush them along.

I think PD’s creativity is authentic to them, and that nothing they’ve written is something they’ve done just because it’s a trend. I also think they’re proud of everything they’ve produced, and while I’m not 100% happy with it, I would never resent them for standing behind their work. They have every right to.

When I’m crying out for them “admit they did wrong”, I’m partly joking. It’s not that personal. But also, on a deeper level, it’s that as a creator and artist, we’re constantly growing. The work I produced five years ago isn’t going to be the same as what I produce today. I should have improved on a technical level, yes, but it’s not just that. I’m a different person with new experiences, and those experiences should affect my creativity. If PD can honestly stand there and say they wouldn’t change a single thing about Nightfall or the series as a whole, that seems weird to me. But there are some people who say they would never want to change anything because it represented who they were then, and that’s fair.

So, then, I guess my question for PD would be “if you were to approach Devil’s Night as a new project today, do you think there would be major changes or only minor ones, or none at all? And if there were some major changes, without asking for too much detail, what would they be?”

Thanks for sharing the tiktok. I’d forgotten they were going to France for a meet and greet, and it’s nice they got some good interactions. Also very cool that it seems like the fan got their copy of nightfall signed.

Thanks for waiting on me! And for the message. It was interesting to read, and I never expected twilight to be brought up!

-KO

[franzias-cave]

🧂1 & 11 😜

from this delicious salty ask list

Since this ask is from a venerable Twilight Renaissance blogger/tastemaker/maverick, I’ll keep things Twilight related (but I will happily do naruto stuff too.)

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

I’m a fan of the ship and let ship approach. If it the ship does it for you, great, good, have fun. I’ll read just about anything as long as it’s well written. That being said, there are a few ships that I personally* can’t get behind. 

Jacob/Renesmee: No. Just. No. Absolutely not. It’s weird, gross, and tragic and not in a fun way. I don’t even think I need to explain this. I genuinely cannot think of a way to make this ship work.

Leah/Any vampire: I’ve seen a few ships that pair Leah up with a vampire, and I just don’t see it. Beyond the physical repulsion, vampires ruined Leah’s life. They tore her fiancé away from her and brainwashed him. They caused her father’s deeply traumatic death that was then followed by months of living in a close approximation of hell. Her life went to shit because of vampires, and that doesn’t seem like something Leah could easily get over.

She also expresses that she wants to stop shifting ASAP, which would never happen if she got romantically entangled with a vampire. I particularly can’t see her happily dating a vampire who ate people. I can sort of see a Leah/people-eating vampire ship happening, but only if Leah passes some kind of moral even horizon. It would not be a cheerful scenario, and one of my true OTPs is Leah/happiness.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

The renaissance really rehabilitated unpopular characters like Jessica and Maria, which rocks. Lots of great content being made about them. But, despite being a fandom based on a book about Bella Swan, most people don't seem to like her very much.

As in any fandom, there are the haters who think she’s a terrible character. Very understandable, she’s a mentally ill 17 year old girl who isn’t very likeable. Then you have the “Bella is boring and I wish the book wasn’t about her” camp, who are also doing great. Lots of good content coming out of that neck of the woods.

Then there are people who claim to like Bella, but only like the unrecognisable fanon version they've created in their heads. I’ve encountered this problem often in fandom, where people will take a (usually female) character they think has been done dirty by the author due to misogyny and completely change them. There's nothing wrong with fanon drift, but it gets a little stale when that's the only content you see.**

I like shitty selfish probably neurodivergent canon Bella. She kind of sucks, and that's why she's a blorbo of mine.  

*This is a personal opinion. I am just some guy. If you like the ship I’m happy for you. Go forth and do your funky thing. 

** I realise this may sound rich coming from someone who did a canon rewrite with an alternate Bella but rules do not apply to me that was for a specific au. and also rules do not apply to me.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Ya know, I truly hope Miss Renesmee Carlie Cullen fully dedicates herself to just....being as out there and iconic as possible

first things first- ANYTHING with the loch ness monster on it, she owns. Posters, shirts, jackets, shoes, folders, buttons, iron-ons, there is always at least 5 pieces of Nessie merch on her at all times

once she gets old enough to start high school, the cover story is her and Edward are siblings that Carlisle and Esme took in, and sometimes her classmates will ask her what her biological parents were like and she will flat out be like 'oh, they're vampires' and Edward and Bella are like. 5 feet away trying not to scream

every Halloween she'll show up to school in an elaborate Nosferatu costume

goes out of her way to photobomb people in increasingly ridiculous ways so there will Always be a photographic record of her and in like 100 years she can get a huge kick out of teens on the internet trying to make a conspiracy about her

joins as many school clubs as she can, even if she has no interest in them- she just Really wants a concrete record of herself to exist lmao

ICONIC at school theater though. One of those demon theater kids that come to rehearsal purely to cause chaos and nothing else, but her voice is incredible so she secures every lead. One time she somehow managed to star in a show while also playing in the school band for it- her classmates still have no idea how she pulled it off

Always brings blood out in public in a CLEAR THERMOS and it stresses her family out so much but everyone else thinks she's just like, weirdly into tomato juice so the Cullens can't stop her

to everyone's surprise...her biggest chaos enabler is Jasper lmao. everyone thought he'd be a logical, responsible uncle but they're just. A Problem together. He'll 100% assist her in any prank she wants to pull, he gets her fake id's when she wants to sneak into a club with friends, he bails her out of jail without telling her parents, they figured out if she gets high and he reads her feelings he'll get high too and it's. So fucking funny.

she's always carrying some random instrument around school- like for a while it's a guitar or a harmonica, fine, but then she'll start lugging a cello around, a tuba (she doesn't even play, she stole it off a guy who was annoying her) and it escalates until one day she's wheeling a piano around the building. no one's even sure how she got in in the doors of the school. She keeps running kids over in the hallway with it

You know the Catherine Tate Lauren Cooper skit with David Tennant? Where she's being a terrible student and then perfectly recites Shakespeare? 100% Nessie

when she starts getting dates Jacob keeps trying to wing man and be over supportive and give her a ton of girl advice and it's embarrassing as hell so one day when he was on a spiel about How To Woo A Lady she looks him in the eyes and goes 'oh really? did that work on my mom?' and the Cullens fucking LOSE IT. Jacob had to go live in the woods for a few days because he couldn't cope

Emmet and Jasper: arrive to school in their jeep. Rose and Alice: arrive in a convertible. Edward: arrives in his dumb volvo. Bella and Jake: arrive to school on motorcycles. Nessie: arrives to school on a unicycle while juggling

one year she ended up getting nominated for prom queen and Edward read the minds of the teachers tallying the votes so he knew she won and he and Bella were so excited!! they're like we're gonna take so many pictures of our baby looking like a princess! And then she emerges from her room, actually drenched in pigs blood. Like she just did it to herself and went to the dance and accepted her crown like that

she regularly commits crimes against fashion. If she comes out of her room and sees Alice contemplating turning herself over to the Volturi, she KNOWS she's picked a great look

somehow gets ahold of Aro's cell number and sends him selfies of her blatantly breaking vampire laws captioned 'whatcha gonna do'. he keeps blocking her but she keeps managing to get through to him somehow

she illegally sells soda out of her locker and does people's homework for cash, while also paying other people to do her homework for her. she organizes every single senior prank. she's never gotten a detention in her whole immortal life because every teacher just Adores her for some reason

had 100% used her powers for deserved evil before. Like, if someone's being a dick at school, she'll sneak into their room at night and give them nightmarea threatening them to be a better person lol

sometimes she'll show up at the hospital unannounced and ask Carlisle, in front of his coworkers, 'yo can I raid the blood bank?'

her bedroom looks like a library. every wall, floor to ceiling books.

she's been publishing trashy romance novels under a fake name for almost 40 years now and no one in her family knows

one birthday Jacob takes her on a trip to vegas and they get wasted, at some point they were laughing about how ridiculous their lives are and they're like 'wouldn't it be fucking hilarious if we had a baby'. they then black out, hangover style, and wake up like a week later with a payment on her card to a fertility clinic. Jacob's like 😱 and Ness is just like 'you get to be the one to explain this to my parents'

Their kid is absolutely hilarious, they were correct, and at some point they realized 'wait...drinks blood..doesn't sparkle...can shape shift...we've somehow created a classic pop culture vampire' lmao

Edward had to threaten them to get them to not name the kid Vladimir

Also to be clear: Nessie and Jacob have the EXACT same dynamic as Will and Grace. that's canon.

says its her goal to star in a live action all female production of mamma mia and Carlisle is like 'honey you know you can't do anything on broadway or in hollywood' and she's like, 'no, in real life. I'm gonna go to greece and attract a bunch of women with abba songs' and he's like,,,,,ah

she loves all music but she goes out of her way to Only play stuff she knows Edward hates lmao

one day she remembers she doesn't need to breathe and can see under water and just. books herself a ticket to scotland and Finds The Loch Ness Monster

she actually personally finds a lot of monsters and cryptids like her hybrid aura just attracts all kind of weird shit and she LOVES it. She stops writing trashy romance novels and starts writing autobiographies of her traveling and hanging out with paranormal beings and everyone just assumes its fiction so she becomes a best selling fantasy author lmao

100% she's very into witchy stuff and only like...half in a trendy way. She's like what if on top of everything I've got going on I can cast spells? Think I deserve that power

when she's a couple decades old she catches Edward looking grossed out one day and she asks him what's up and he's like 'I really dont need to hear what creepy teachers think about my daughter' and she's like. oh. Dad we are gonna get SO MANY pedophiles arrested shdndjdn she gets him to expose teachers and she baits them then calls the police. queen.

She finds out she can get tattoos but they fade completely out of her skin within 5 years so she's always getting crazy tats

posts selfies on social media of her just like. hanging out with mountain lions or chilling on top of the space needle. her classmates think they're all photoshopped obvi but it drives her family insane

imagine you're 15 and you're on a nice hike in the woods and you come across your one classmate half naked, sacrificing a bear in some ritual, blood dripping down her face, bigfoot chilling on the rocks behind her filming the ritual on her phone...like on one hand, what would you do, but on the other hand. you've known this girl for a bit and you aren't surprised at all

anyway. stan Nessie Cullen.

[ultward]

34 for the renaissance ask

34. What changes would you make if you were asked to readapt Twilight?

oh BOY here we go

so i think about this A LOT, and i have a bunch of different ideas but i’ll give y’all the one i come back to most often

animated netflix series. 2d animation with 3d utilized for certain complex action scenes. my favorite animation styles are typically the really loose(?) and expressive ones (think studio trigger productions), so i’d try to get something like that

in terms of NARRATIVE CHANGES:

reworking the werewolves. stephenie actually gave me enough ammo to fix the problem in my own way? this might be kinda long. the origins of vampires would be a lowkey mystery in this adaptation, but they’ve been around since the dawn of time. in response to this, certain early humans evolved into werewolves—specifically, the children of the moon present in canon. many of these CoM were killed, either by humans or vampires, but those who survived long enough to procreate passed on their wolf genes, and those genes evolved as time passed, losing a lot of their negative traits (warped beast form, uncontrollable transformations, etc). these NEW genes became the shifting wolves we see in canon. both forms of lycanthropy still exist, and caius hunts the CoM into near extinction just as he does canon. this new version of the shifter gene expands with the general human population, but, over time, it becomes rarer and rarer as humans spread out. in present day, the gene is most common in places where the same groups of humans have lived for extended periods of time, so not only do the quileutes have a historic pack, but there are dozens of other packs across the globe that adopt similar practices. there are also plenty of “lone wolves” who wound up with the gene outside of these communities. some humans have it, but if they never meet a vampire, it just doesn’t activate. if someone’s gene never activates, there’s less of a chance of passing it on to future generations, which is why shifter wolves become less and less common as time goes on EXCEPT in areas where vampires are commonly found, like forks and la push. that was very long and i could go into more detail but basically ANYONE can be a werewolf in this version! and there’s no weird cultural appropriation!

a diverse cast. this pretty self-explanatory. i was going to make a separate point about character designs, but basically, emmett would be black, alice would be asian. stephenie’s weird skin tone thing is out the window: everyone just looks “dead��� for their skin color, they’re not all white. edward is an actual redhead with freckles (why does vampirism get rid of freckles, stephenie? what the hell?) the volturi are made up of a wide variety of races and ethnicity; i cannot dive into every character, but basically, it would just be... realistic

jacob is not a love interest. he’s just bella’s childhood friend. i think i’d have him keep his initial crush on her, but he gets over it pretty fast and does not become an asshole later on. maybe blackwater is endgame? who knows

in a similar vein, all of the characters are... fixed. edward doesn’t stalk bella; maybe he peeks into her room from the trees outside, but he never sneaks in. he doesn’t do weird shit like tear up her truck to keep her from driving places? he just... gets some chill in this. he’s still melodramatic and he still makes mistakes (yes, new moon will still happen, but more will go down to prompt him to leave than just one incident) but he’s not abusive. jasper won’t be a confederate soldier. sam won’t have scarred emily. everything is just better. characters will still keep some flaws but not like... outright terrible stuff

more action! twilight vampires are so cool and i wanna see them FIGHT! just more action scenes, for whatever reasons i could come up with. i envision the fight scenes being kind of like the scenes in movies where speedsters are moving so fast that everything around them slows down. you have these epic fight scenes going on at what LOOKS like normal speed, but the world around them is moving in slow motion. for example: when edward leaves in new moon, victoria leads him on a wild goose chase. i’d add in a scene where he does briefly encounter her in rio, and they get into this quick fight in the middle of a crowded street, but no one can see it because they’re moving so fast. they’re bouncing around all over the place, narrowly avoiding all these humans. it’d be super cool

expanded perspective. so much stuff happens—even during the present action of canon—that we don’t see from bella’s perspective. i think the movies did a good job of pulling back and showing us other things (like adding in bits of the newborns in eclipse), but because this would be a multi-season show, there would be WAY more time to look at what other characters are doing, allowing them to have more development!

THE TWILIGHT-NEW MOON SUMMER! you get to see it! it’s included!

new villains! new monsters! twilight has such cool lore and i’d love to expand upon it even more. i’m big into shonen manga, and i’d inject a bit of that arc structure into this adaptation. for the most part, it’d stick to canon plot points, but there would be new things going on every now and then. i really like the ghouls that i came up with in my fic, and i think they would fit well into canon among other things! like i said earlier, the origin of vampires would be a lowkey plot point, so there would be things to do with that

BREAKING DAWN GETS A FACELIFT. i’m not sure exactly how much i would change, but probably a lot? i think i would have to get through re-adapting the first 3 books because i think those are pretty much fine, but BD would need a complete overhaul. there are elements in there that are cool, like the cullens learning to work with the wolves and having a big confrontation with the volturi that i would LOVE to expand upon, but we’d definitely have to get there... differently. no imprint. no weird pro-life narrative. as much as i’d like to rework renesmee, i’m not sure i’d have bella get pregnant at all; she’s not a mother in my eyes

that’s everything i can think of off the top of my head (which is a lot, i know). netflix please call me

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Just shower thoughts... For a long time I've been confused about why Meyer wrote the Jacob/Renesmee imprint. Most of the weird shit that happens in Twilight I can justify as leaning into the monsterfucker/Phantom of the Opera angle or worldbuilding fails. But the baby soulmate thing?? But And Then There Were None kickstarted a wire in my head that transmigrated me into Stephenie Meyer's head during my shower.

I'm Meyer writing New Moon. I want to set the groundwork to break the love triangle in Edward's favor. I need Jacob out of the way, preferably dating someone else. But I don't want Jacob to seem like he loved Bella less, or like the kind of guy who would treat a woman like she's his second choice. Solution? I apply my weird concept of true love to the problem. Bang, imprinting. He loved Bella as much as he could but was destined for someone else! For now, Jacob is un-imprinted for now since I want the love triangle to be central to the Eclipse plot.

However, writing Eclipse I get stuck. Jacob is Bella's best friend. If he imprints on someone else, it means that he can't go with Bella on her immortal voyage of true love. She'll be sad. Unacceptable. Ok, I say. Jacob imprints on a vampire. Then he and Bella can stay friends, forever, as the new vampire (RenesmeeLite) will prove vampires can be good people.

BUT I still have a problem. What if some Jacob/Bella fans don't buy the new ship after all the drama in Eclipse? What if they (rightly) argue imprinting is thralldom and hate it? What if they (god forbid) make postcanon Jacob/Bella fanfic where the imprint breaks and the old ship re-sails? I need to make it clear that a) Edward/Bella are in unbreakable true love and b) Jacob/Bella's connection was sincere but ultimately platonic.

For a) marriage and sex are pretty big commitments. Escalate. The biggest commitment? A baby. Half-vampire baby can never die and thus never be forgotten. Renesmee will complete my Edward/Bella endgame. For b) ... I realize... I've written RenesmeeLite. Renesmee solves the Jacob/Bella friendship problem as now not only does Jacob have to like vampires, he has an excuse to join the Cullens and officially follow Bella around for the rest of her life! Also, Jacob's relationship with Bella is retconned to imply that his great love for her was only due to her similarity to his true soulmate/the call of fate. The Cullens and wolves complete the alliance arc begun in Eclipse, which they will no doubt use to someday take down the terrible Volturi and potentially become vampire royalty themselves. Ignoring the implications of that, it's a good day to be Bella. As for now, I edit Eclipse to add foreshadowing to Jacob's destiny... sorry Claire and Quil, you'll have to be sacrifices.

What do you think? Do you buy it?

And Then There Were None a Halloween Twilight special by myself and @therealvinelle that readers caught us out on while we were still anonymous.

It's a delightful theory the trouble is that's not really what we do here on this blog. This is a blog to divest ourselves of authorial intent or to try and peer into the mind of Meyer and ask "why?" For one thing, it keeps the blog consistent, for another I genuinely have no idea.

Meyer is utterly incomprehensible to me. Not only are we different people but... I mean, look at Edward. Look, there's your normal Phantom of the Opera bad boy tragic love interest type, and then there's Edward and the shit he says. And it's unironic, we're supposed to genuinely like him, she thinks he's a dream boat as he says, "I'll eat your babies."

How does one even comprehend such a person?

In this case though I'll go on a limb and say that given Meyer having doubled down on imprinting in the first place as well as Edward...

I think it was the plan to start with and perhaps even the reason imprinting in the series exists at all.

We see way too much foreshadowing in New Moon with imprinting immediately brought up with Sam and Emily, it is already a significant plot point and one Jacob finds himself concerned about when he realizes he doesn't imprint on Bella.

Already we had Chekov's Gun: Jacob hasn't imprinted which means that it will always be a loose end until he does. At some point in the series he will imprint and it will not be on Bella.

And given all that build up to Jacob wanting it to be Bella so badly, as well as the Claire/Quil subplot, and everyone else imprinting...

I think it was always going to be Renesmee. He was always doomed to be tied into the family and for Meyer this was always the ideal dream solution like where you're playing dolls and all the dolls marry all the other dolls and now they're a big happy family and everyone's related.

Adding to this, the love triangle was one of those hilarious love triangles where you know who the author's going to pick immediately. Twilight, Bella dates Edward. New Moon, Bella's very sad over Edward and considers Jacob for 0.02 seconds before dumping him because Edward's back. Eclipse, Jacob asks Bella to dump Edward and she says no the entire novel then marries Edward. Breaking Dawn, Bella marries Edward.

Jacob was never made a competitive option for Bella and it was always clear, the entire time, I'm sorry guys but it was hilariously clear she was going to pick Edward. Always.

Which meant that while Jacob needed a clean exit from the love triangle I... also don't think he was in the love triangle for Meyer. Sort of, yes, but I honestly think that's the weird set up that Jacob later quotes in canon of "Oh, Bella, I was totally into you because I was going to imprint on your vampire baby in the future. This makes so much sense."

... Does it Jacob? Does it?

I think Renesmee and Renesmee/Jacob was always the plan and everything else was just set up to get there.

(Worth noting, though I don't know too much about it, is Forever Dawn which was the book Meyer pitched after Twilight to her publishers which is essentially the plot of Breaking Dawn with a few tweaks.

It should be taken with a bit of a grain of salt as it was never published and I'm personally dubious of whatever copies people say they have floating about or what concepts were leaked, but nevertheless we seem to have a lot of the same stuff.

Bella still gets pregnant and marries Edward. Jacob still imprints on Renesmee. The Volturi still show up as the big bad. Victoria is still a major player (though this time takes on the role of Irina the nark).

This, of course, points to Renesmee/Jacob always being the endgame rather than the solution Meyer happened upon for the love triangle problem.)

But at the end of the day, I'm guessing too, and the best I can really do is shrug and say who knows with that one.