#the ways we are touched by others and can never truly know how deeply it runs

[deathsbestgirl]

after reading this post by @randomfoggytiger and a whole mess of @carefulfears words forever rattling around my brain — i just need to talk about unruhe.

i tweeted a simple thought, that isn't really so simple at all. unruhe, to me, is about scully learning a lesson mulder intrinsically knows.

i think scully lays it out in her final voiceover as she writes her report after being kidnapped and nearly lobotomized. she spent her time with gerry trying to keep him talking. she has to take the time to understand this man to have a chance of escaping with all her faculties. scully asks him about his sister and his father, who mulder had questioned him about earlier. as mulder was putting together a profile, he said the man was either really tall or wanted to be — and this little piece of information let scully connect the dots that she was speaking to their suspect. gerry, on stilts. (in the interrogation, scully is angry & forceful — as a doctor and as a woman. mulder is more curious.)

so in her report, she's recording her musings about her experience. and it's something she dismissed earlier:

(unrelated to this post, but this scene always reminds me of their final scene in leonard betts. the disconnect between them, mulder's confusion but acquiescence.)

scully's voiceover:

in the end, scully knows that understanding gerry saved her life. it gave her the time so mulder could get there and intervene. and not just understand, but empathize. something mulder is able to do with just about everyone. even the worst criminals. in beyond the sea, it makes him stubbornly disbelieve boggs. here, mulder ends up shooting & killing gerry. he understood gerry believed he was helping these women, because he couldn't accept what happened to his sister. mulder doesn't over-identify this time. but i think scully's intimate insight into mulder allowed her to look into gerry. (edit: and i don't really mean samantha, though it's part of it. mainly mean the way his mind works. she hates gerry but she tucked away everything mulder said about him & his analysis.)

one of my favorite things about scully is the way she values mulder's mind & empathy. something i think she believes she isn't capable of. she tends to talk about relying on his strength, but she also depends on his empathy so much. when she was in this situation, that's what she drew on. scully rarely has empathy for men committing violent crimes against women. she knows the world is full of predators, as she once told karen kosseff in irresistible. it's a comfort to her to have a hand in bringing these men to justice.

after mulder kills gerry & releases her, scully takes one moment to look back at him before leaving. after this near death incident, scully takes the time to read gerry's diary. like she wants to understand him more. "for truly to pursue monsters, we must understand them. we must venture into their minds." lesson learned, and new fear unlocked: "only in doing so, do we risk letting them venture into ours?"

i actually think this was a silent fear lurking in irresistible. scully's horror at the case was layered. yes, it was the violence against women & the haunting of her own abduction, but also that donnie pfaster would kill women to "scavenge from the dead." she's a pathologist, she understands the curiosity. but she does it to bring victims' justice, to put away predators, to try to make the world a safer place.

over time, i think scully adopts mulder's desire to believe in people. a lot of the series is about scully being radicalized, more and more. to the point of paranoia and immediate distrust of anyone who isn't mulder. but she still goes off with csm in en ami, needing to take the chance he's telling the truth despite knowing he is a liar and responsible for the most reprehensible crimes. she still leans on skinner, doggett, reyes, the lone gunmen. she tries desperately to save cassandra spender. she goes to diana fowley when there's no other option, hoping there's a shred of decency in her, believing the woman really does love mulder. so many moments. the ways mulder changes her, helps her, gives her strength & courage to face her fears. (something about scully killing donnie pfaster feels like a culmination of this — and in the reverse, mulder doesn't kill donnie pfaster. the flip side of scully's lessons?)

kae pointed out to me the reverse here is true too. mulder learns a lesson scully already knew intrinsically. but a post for another night maybe.

all of this, in my mind, deeply intertwined with this post (aka required reading <3)

[tarotwithlucien]

Letter from your Future Spouse | PICK A PILE

⊹ ᨦ Hello! Welcome to another PAP about future spouse, as you asked for a lot, here I am back ;) I have to warn you that there's a lil bit of nsfw in this reading so if you're underage LEAVE 😠

₊˚๑ How to choose: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and choose the image that caught your attention. ₊˚๑ Disclaimer: All readings are done for entertainment only, don't use my readings as a replacement for legitimate advice. This is a general reading, so take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ masterist | tip jar

🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE ONE ᨦ ♡

⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹

"My dearest love,

I want you to know that all I truly desire is a peaceful life with you. In a world that often seems to value wealth, fame, and material luxuries, I find solace in the simplicity of our love. I don’t need grand gestures or extravagant possessions. As long as I’m by your side, that’s more than enough for me. I envision a quiet, private life where it’s just the two of us, free from the noise and distractions of the outside world. It doesn’t even matter to me if no one in the city we live in knows our name, all that matters is you and the beautiful life we build together. From the moment I met you, I’ve fallen for you deeply. Your essence captivates me in ways I can hardly explain. I love your unique style, even when others judge it harshly (Many people in this pile have a more alternative look, maybe even tattoos or piercings, and that just adds to how much they admire you). I find beauty in your individuality, in the way you express yourself unapologetically. I adore listening to you talk, even when your words ramble on about something seemingly silly – it doesn’t matter. When you ask me to, I love wrapping my hands around your neck, feeling the warmth of your skin beneath my fingertips. The way you beg for my touch sends shivers down my spine; it ignites a fire within me that I never knew existed. The pleasure you give me is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced, and I crave every moment we share. Seeing you from behind during our passionate encounters drives me wild with desire, and I’m utterly eager to know your taste in every sense. I am completely captivated by you; you have my heart, and honestly, I’d let you ruin my life if that’s what you wanted. I want you to know that you are free to be exactly who you are with me. Never apologize for being yourself; your authenticity is what makes you shine. Don’t let the opinions of others weigh you down or dictate how you live your life. You don’t need to seek validation from anyone or change who you are to fit someone else’s expectations. Those people who criticize you? They’re simply jealous because they lack the courage to live as freely as you do. Remember, you’re not perfect – none of us are – but you possess so much inherent value. I hope you can see that in yourself, even on days when self-doubt creeps in. I’ve noticed that you’ve been holding back, staying quiet when things or people bother you, and it’s been going on for far too long. It’s time to stop. You deserve to stand up for yourself and speak out when something doesn’t feel right. Don’t just let things slide or accept situations that don’t sit well with your heart. And please, exercise caution with the people you trust – not everyone has your best interests at heart. You are precious to me, and I want to protect you from any negativity or harm that may come your way. You mean everything to me, and I promise to be your safe haven, your supporter, and your biggest fan. Together, we can navigate this life and face whatever challenges come our way. I’ll always stand by your side, encouraging you to be the incredible person you are meant to be.

With all my love, Your future spouse."

🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE TWO ᨦ ♡

⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹

"My love,

I’ve never felt so happy or so deeply invested in someone until you came into my life. Before we became what we are now, we were just friends, and that in itself was confusing for me. I’d never felt anything like this for anyone before, so it caught me off guard. But now, being with you, I find myself in awe, thinking, "Wow, is this really my life?”. Being with you as your partner feels like the most divine experience I’ve ever had. Right now, I know there are people who don’t treat you the way you deserve. Some of them always think they’re right and criticize you, making it seem like you’re always wrong and never good enough. They point out your flaws and mistakes as if you aren’t capable of doing anything right. But listen to me, love, you don’t need to tolerate that. You deserve better. These people don’t know your worth, and I’m telling you, don’t waste your time trying to please them. Don’t let their words tear you down, and don’t let them walk all over you. It’s time for you to stand tall and show them exactly who you are. You’re so much more than their shallow judgments, and you don’t need their approval to know your value. The thought of losing you is something I can hardly bear. Just imagining you being with someone else, laughing with them, sharing moments, and kissing them – it makes my heart ache in ways I can’t describe. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’m protective of you because I love you so much, and the idea of someone else having what we have – it would break me. I know it sounds possessive, but it’s not in a toxic way. I just can’t imagine my life without you, and I don’t want to share you with anyone. You’re mine, and I’ll always fight for us because I know that what we have is rare. This kind of love doesn’t come around often, and it’s something worth fighting for, no matter what. I’ll be by your side through every high and low. I’m not going anywhere. Stay with me, because I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you’ve dreamed of. You deserve the world, and I’ll spend my life trying to give it to you. You’re beautiful – so incredibly beautiful. If we were in a room full of people, you’d still be the only one I’d see. No one else could ever hold my attention the way you do. You make me feel more alive than I ever have before, and I can’t help but be mesmerized by you, by the way you move, by everything you are. I want you. I want to feel you close, I want our bodies to collapse into one another, and I want to hold you through the night. I want to wake up the next morning with you beside me, your face illuminated by the soft light of the sun. I can’t imagine anything more perfect than that. Every moment with you feels like a dream, and I never want to wake up from it. I hope you know how much you mean to me, how much I cherish you. I’m completely and hopelessly in love with you, and I’ll stand by you, no matter what comes our way. You’re my heart, my soul, my everything.

With all my love, Your future spouse."

🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE THREE ᨦ ♡

⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹

"My darling,

I want you to know that I’m here to lift you up and encourage you to fly high, chasing after all your dreams with unwavering determination. I see you grappling with people who are rude or who treat you as if you’re less than you truly are, and I want you to realize that this mistreatment only happens because you allow it. I understand that you might hold back your words, choosing silence to avoid conflict, but it’s essential for you to stand your ground and assert yourself. You have every right to demand respect, and you must not let anyone walk all over you. It might take time for you to learn how to set boundaries and to stand firm without feeling guilty, especially if you’re someone who tends to please others. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but I promise you, you’ll get there if you take that first step. I see you feeling lonely at times, and it pains me to know that you’re going through this. I can help you mend that loneliness, and I want nothing more than to see you shine brightly in your own unique way. I long to be near you, to touch you, to kiss you passionately, and to explore every inch of your being. You deserve to feel desired and loved, and I want to be the one to show you just how incredible you are. I’ll make you scream with pleasure because you are such a good girl/good boy, and I will send you all the love in my heart, wrapped in every caress and whisper. You have the power to manifest the life of your dream. You can create the reality you desire, and I believe in you wholeheartedly. Know that I am practically at your feet, waiting for you to call out to me. As soon as you do, I will come running. Being apart from you right now feels like a dagger to my heart. Even though we haven’t met yet, I am on a quest to find you, enduring this distance as best I can. The thought of trying to stop loving you is impossible; it would only cause my feelings to deepen. I could never truly let you go, and the very idea of it is unbearable. But I hold on to the hope that one day we will be together, sharing everything that life has to offer. My eyes are always on you; you are everything I see. You are my world, my everything, and I will always be here, ready to embrace you when the time comes.

With all my love, Your future spouse."

© tarotwithlucien - don't copy, redistribute or edit my content | moodboard & dividers by plutism

[natalievoncatte]

“What if we don’t go back yet?”

It was a peculiar question that Lena asked, but a compelling one. She was currently lying with Kara, or rather *on* Kara, after the Kryptonian caught her once again. Kara had slipped under as she fell and cushioned the fall with her invulnerable body, and they currently lay in the wreckage of a sailboat along the docks, the ruined and smashed vessel bobbing gently in the ocean.

“What do you mean?”

“Alex and the crew can get the guy,” said Lena.

She was referring to the second-rate wannabe villain that had tossed Lena off the roof as a ploy to distract Supergirl and cover his escape. It had worked, of course, with Kara abandoning her manhunt to catch Lena. As she always did. That was apparently why he kidnapped her in the first place instead of, who knows, maybe robbing banks in a town without a superhero.

It didn’t seem to matter much now. Kara was warm and had wrapped them both up in her cape, and Lena’s head lay pillowed on her shoulder. Kara curled around her, breathing gently into the crown of her head.

“Why wouldn’t we go back?”

“I’m tired,” Lena murmured, giving the words more truth than she meant to. She was tired, so tired. She could sleep for a thousand years here, lying with Kara.

This always went the same way. Kara would bear her to safety like a knight in shining armor and set her down and then she’d step back.

The contact would end.

It’s not like they never touched- they hugged and kissed each other on the cheek even, and Lena secretly treasured that, but it wasn’t enough. It was different when Kara rescued her.

If physical touch was Kara’s love language, the way she held Lena after a rescue was a kind of Freudian slip. These embraces were more, just more in a profound, indescribable way.

She was always so tender, after. She would sweep the hair from Lena’s eyes and just touch her for the sake of it, running the pad of her thumb along Lena’s jawline or hugging her extra tight, extra close, fearful and yet utterly fearless.

Much as she was holding Lena now.

“I know,” Kara whispered.

She did know. If there was anyone truly in tune with her needs, it was Kara. Kara cared, so fully, so deeply, so recklessly that Lena could barely understand it, and scarcely believe it.

“I want to stay here with you.”

Kara tensed slightly, throat bobbing as she swallows and her breath caught.

“What I want more than anything is just time to be us,” Lena said, very softly. “You and me. No company, no DEO, no adventures, no crises. I could just lay with you here forever.”

Kara was quiet, gently working her fingers through Lena’s hair.

“I’ve thought about things like that.”

“What sort of things?”

She was quiet for too long a beat, then said, “just us being us, alone. No game night, no movie night, no brunch, no Noonan’s, just this. Just you and me and… and relaxing.”

“Cuddling, you mean.”

Kara shifted herself, gave Lena a little squeeze.

“I don’t want to go either. I don’t want to let go of you.”

Lena opened her eyes and looked at Kara, at her golden hair fanned out around her head and her questioning blue eyes.

“So don’t.”

Gently, carefully, Lena freed an arm and rested a palm against Kara’s cheek. Her skin was always so warm, so lusciously soft. Kara was watching her intently, eyes searching.

“I think it’s customary, after the brave her saves the girl, that the hero gets a kiss.”

Kara tensed, clearly nervous. It was the most adorable thing Lena had ever seen.

She kissed her.

Kara was stone still at first, barely responding, then something seemed to awaken in her and she kissed Lena back, intensely. Lena was a little shocked at the sudden way Kara almost seemed to lunge into her, how her hands suddenly moved and she took Lena by the hips.

It was amazing. Her heart fluttered and her head was swinging and she felt a cold shock-

“Kara! The boat is sinking!”

With the most annoyed sigh, Kara stood and lifted Lena into a bridal carry. Water was gurgling up around them.

“Alex is going to kill me,” said Kara.

“Alex can wait,” said Lena. “Take me home.”

[elysiansparadise]

Using Saturn harmonious aspects in the composite chart

Although Saturn tells us about possible obstacles and limits, if we use the positive qualities of the planet, that is, effort, dedication and perseverance, we can experience the more lighter sides of Saturn. Likewise, the positive aspects can help weigh the effects by providing greater stability to the relationship.

With this post I intend to talk in more detail about how the positive aspects that other planets make with Saturn in the composite chart can help us with the tensions of Saturn, whether due to position or tense aspects.

🩶When we talk about the aspects between Saturn-Sun we find a fairly stable relationship, despite possible internal and external obstacles. There is a strong sense of responsibility towards each other and a genuine desire to do things right in the relationship. Both parties are willing to commit to the other and will forge in them the desire to build a relationship where both feel calm, supported and respected. They will always try to give priority to the other in their lives, they will admire each other and will stand out for being a strong couple. They will never seek to control the other and will always take them into account.

🩶With harmonious aspects between Saturn-Moon, emotions will be stable and long-lasting between them. They will work to make the relationship something genuinely comfortable for the other and will seek to cover or at least understand the emotional needs of the other. There will be a natural inclination to want to give each other a lot of happiness and comfort, they will support each other deeply and seek to be there for each other both physically and emotionally. They will never seek to upset the other or provoke tense emotions for fun, there will be a deep respect for the other's emotions and their limits.

🩶The aspects between Mercury-Saturn mean that this couple can talk about any topic, no matter how heavy it may be. They will not be afraid to touch on harsh or tense topics, and they will always listen to each other attentively. They will dislike talking over others, they will express themselves clearly and have clear priorities. The conversations between them can be deep, meaningful and very insightful, both will teach each other a lot and can be a great advisor to the other. Mutual admiration for intelligence, way of thinking or way of carrying oneself.

🩶Venus-Saturn harmonious aspects make the relationship something loving, full of attention and genuine affection for the other. This couple will be constant with their displays of affection and reaffirmations of their love. They will take time to get to know each other and love each other more and more in the process. A sincere, honest love in which they will want to give the best of themselves. There will be a strong commitment to love only the other in a deep, dedicated and unshakeable way. They will have a healthy relationship where they will see the most realistic sides of the relationship and truly feel the support and affection of their partner.

🩶Saturn-Mars aspects make this couple the true definition of a team, they will never seek to beat the other, nor see who is superior, rather they will appreciate and praise each other's abilities and potential. They will fight to get what they want like a power couple, there will be a lot of encouragement and they will motivate the other to be ambitious and go after what they want. They will be decisive in pursuing the other, their love and focus on the relationship will not waver whatever the situation or face whatever issues there may be. They will be rational, avoiding unnecessary conflicts and looking for solutions rather than blame.

🩶There will be a genuine desire to contribute positively to each other's lives with Jupiter-Saturn aspects. They will never want to be a headache or another bad experience for the other, they will want to carry out the relationship in a calm way in which both feel confident that they made the right choice being by each other's side. A lot of support and growth together, you will love to see how the other progresses whether on your own or holding your hand. There is a strong sense of responsibility between them and a lot of maturity. This relationship will be very healthy and they will be realistic with each other, without expecting the other to be what they want but loving them deeply for being who they are.

🩶If the couple has harmonious aspects between Uranus-Saturn, they will be able to face any kind of change with ease, even if it is difficult for one of the parties or both, they will show understanding and support for the other. They will have a lot of resilience and regardless of the external chaos, they will know that they can count on each other and their mutual dedication. Both will adapt more easily to each other, even if they are very different. They will contribute a lot to each other's lives and can bring both a certain order and stability as well as fun and new experiences, being receptive to both.

🩶With Neptune-Saturn aspects there is a strong devotion in both, as well as a healthy degree of compassion avoiding falling into victimization of the other. There is a strong need to support each other in every way, especially in wanting the other to be able to fulfill everything they dream or long for. They feel satisfaction and fulfillment when they see a genuine smile on each other's faces. Strong connection endowed with empathy and genuine affection. They show each other that reality can be beautiful and pleasant for the other, that they can relax and trust. It is a relationship as loving as it is stable.

🩶When Pluto makes harmonious aspects with Saturn, the couple can find it easy to find a balance, trusting each other and avoiding destructive power games. Both focus on building a solid relationship in which they feel supported. They never leave each other alone no matter what adversity they face and they make each other feel capable of dealing with everything. This couple will constantly work on improving themselves and will constantly appreciate each other's efforts. An unbreakable couple that did not hesitate to stand up for each other. They will bring very positive changes and you will feel like better people next to each other.

🩶When it comes to the Pallas-Saturn aspects we find a couple with excellent abilities to resolve their problems and issues that may arise. They will like to plan many things, whether in the short or long term, and they will give their all to fulfill the things they promise. They will be sensible with each other, they will seek to understand each other before giving their opinion or acting and they will never try to judge each other. They will be very direct and honest with each other, they will appreciate that their partner says what they think freely. Both will be a strong team that will always make decisions considering the other.

🩶The aspects between Ceres-Saturn make the couple very giving and attentive to the other, they will give each other attention, they will have meaningful gestures with the other and they will want the other to have tangible demonstrations of their affection and how important they are in the life of the other. This couple feels committed to caring for each other and consistently providing emotional and physical support. They will care about the well-being of others in all areas, and will prioritize it before anything else. When the day is tense, they know that they can take refuge in each other for understanding and tenderness.

🩶Juno, beyond talking to us about marriage and love, tells us about something very important: commitment, a word that Saturn loves. Both of you, whether in the early stages of the relationship or not, will know that this person is worth it. They will strive to make things work, coming to see the other as someone with whom they would like to have a life together. The Juno-Saturn harmonious aspects make both take the relationship seriously, do not seek to play with each other or their emotions and seek to form a very stable bond through emotional and material acts. There is a very strong loyalty towards each other and what they have formed together, they would not change the relationship for anything.

🩶When we talk about strong levels of devotion it is necessary to appreciate the aspects between Vesta-Saturn. Both will be deeply devoted, loyal and giving in the relationship, making great efforts to ensure that warmth, passion and commitment are evident between both of them. There is a deep affection that goes beyond the physical, the other is a source of strength, inspiration and seems to awaken an unusual spark. Willingness to give a lot for the other in an equitable way, to put the relationship at the top of priorities and to give so much time and energy without complaining or without hesitation.

🩶Chiron-Saturn aspects make the couple be understanding and patient with each other, they will never force themselves to do things they don't want to do and they will try to understand where the other's wounds come from so as not to repeat them or trigger them. There is a strong ideal of not wanting to harm others anymore and provide strength, as well as accompanying each other in the healing process. They both work together to build a stronger, healthier relationship through understanding their mutual wounds or insecurities. They feel stronger emotionally with each other and fully trust that the other will never intend to harm them.

🩶With the harmonious aspects between Saturn-North Node, this couple sees their purpose together clearly. There will be a strong focus on creating and maintaining stability in the relationship, you will both plan for the long term and be able to be together for a long time. There are bases of trust, reliability and a dedication towards the other and the relationship. By being with the other, they know what they want, there is conviction, they perceive themselves as something that is valuable to pursue and they trust that at their side they have a partner with the same dedication to the relationship. 

[halfgirl-halfdolll]

Self-indulgent again, also very much a vent. For the girlies who don't wanna be moms, not even in fictional settings, who kinda need some representation. Tw: angst with (almost) no comfort and self-deprecation.

You don't want kids.

You have nothing against them, really. You even like most children, think they're cute and all, but it's just not for you. You have never liked baby dolls, nor have you ever dreamed of motherhood; never had that tug of maternal instinct that most women your age felt.

And for a long time, you felt wrong. It was yet another broken part of you that you couldn't possibly fix, and that alienated you from your peers. You still feel wrong. An annoying, loud part of you still thinks you're broken, but what can you do?

You scroll through your instagram feed, seeing post after post of old classmates either with a big, round belly or with a little bundle in the arms, all bright smiles and hands entertwined and hugs.

And you think maybe you ARE doing things wrong. Maybe you were supposed to do that too. Try to conform to what everyone apparently thinks you should do, push through and endure something you know you weren't built for – maybe it'd fill the hole inside your gut, who knows?

Then you hear a baby cry – a soldier's wife was visiting with their kid – and you lose your breath, quickly approaching a meltdown as you feel your hackles raise despite how much you think it's wrong to feel this way.

You lock yourself into the nearest room.

Truly, you don't mind children. In fact, you respect them so much you know they deserve someone who has maternal instincts, and you know that you're not that someone. Not when you fucking derail at the sound of a kid crying.

"What's wrong, love?" Your eyes focus and you finally realize that you had entered Price's office without realizing. Probably your subconscious seeking the comfort of his presence.

"... Nothing." You lie, breathing deeply and waddling your way to one of his couches. The other men observe your movements with the some focus of a scientist finding a jumpy animal in the wild. Simon gets up to give you his seat on the couch.

"Yer pale as a sheet, lass. What happened? Saw a bug on yer way here?" Soap says playfully, as he scoots closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and anchoring you back to reality.

You huff out a sad, tired laugh and shake your head. You feel the familiar pressure build up behind your eyes and your throat constricts, but you close your eyes and keep breathing deeply, willing the tears away.

A few moments pass of you trying to keep your emotions at bay while the men silently watch you, patiently waiting for you to open up in your terms.

"Do you think I'm broken?" You finally whisper and Ghost is kneeling right beside your seat in the blink of an eye, a strong hand squeezing your knee.

"Why would we ever think that, love?" Kyle asks as he sits on the ground and swiftly takes off your shoes, massaging your feet.

You clear your throat, trying to ground yourself through the feeling of Soap, Ghost and Gaz touching you, all while Price stands to the side. The comforting woodsy scent of their colognes envelops you like a cocoon, but it doesn't stop you from thinking.

It is during moments like this that you can feel your heart breaking – remembering how much you ended up loving them and how much you don't deserve them at the same time.

Your mind flashes back to late nights at some hole-in-the-wall bar, all four of them in different stages of drunkenness, talking about distant dreams they have – a family. Kids running through the house. You'd usually smile and keep quiet, knowing you were drunk as well; at the danger of making some self-deprecating comment you were sure they wouldn't appreciate.

It's good, how things have to be nipped at the bud, you think. It's best to have your fantasies ruined than indulge in them and then hurt yourself later on.

You look at Johnny, a sorrowful smile on your face as he raised his eyebrows in concern. He'll be a great father, you're sure of it. All of them will. It's just sad that you will never be the one to fulfill their fatherhood dreams. You can't disrespect their dreams out of selfishness. You can't disrespect a child just because you were too greedy to breath the same air as those men.

Your breathing slows down, emptiness burrowing its roots deep inside the painful muscles of your heart and your gut.

If you're going to be miserable either way, you'd always choose the option in which you would never drag any of them down with you.

"Forget I said anything." You squeeze Simon's hand, still firmly clutching your thigh. "I'm just having a bad day. I'll feel better soon."

You lean forward, gently removing Kyle's hands from your feet, and put your shoes back on. You get up, still feeling like there's a scream stuck in your throat – something fierce inside of you that begs to be loved without needing to create life; something desperate, that wonders if anyone would want to stay with you without a child to tie them down.

Oh god, are you going to die alone?

You clear your throat as you get up before images of the 141 with other women begin flooding your mind. That would have to wait till nighttime. You could cry freely then.

You force a tight-lipped smile and nod your head at Price. He subtly narrows his eyes.

"Sorry I barged through your door with my nonsense, Captain. I'll be taking my leave now."

Price crosses his arms and watches you leave, steps slow and deliberate as if you were hanging by the thinnest thread. He's very aware of the eyes of his men boring through his head, egging him on to do something, say something. Isn't he the Captain, after all?

"Love." Price calls out for you as you open the door. You look at him with watery eyes and reddened lips. No matter how much you tried to hide how awful you felt, you always wore your emotions on your expressions.

"You're not broken." He murmurs and your eyebrows twitch. "No matter what hurts you. We would never think you're broken."

You bite your tongue, holding back any bitter protest of his words. Instead, you smile.

"Thanks, Cap. I do hope so." You say as you step outside and close the door before any of them could try to retort. You can't discuss anything right now. Not when your mind is yelling silently, desperately begging for acceptance of you as you are.

Most times, you just hate yourself too much and too loudly to be able to notice how they would never care about the choices you have made for yourself and your life, as long as you could stay inside their arms; as long as you could be their girl.

[starkeynation]

I love you, I’m sorry

A letter from reader to Rafe

Content: Angst, like PURE sad, the lamp looks weird, based on the song I love you, I’m sorry by Gracie Abrams (may or may not be accurate)

A/N: about that cliffhanger and happy ending, I changed my mind… also ignore any writing mistakes if there’s any and this was kinda rushed so I hope it still turns out good

Masterlist

dividers from @anitalenia

Rafe,

It is Saturday night. I should be out doing something, partying or whatever to enjoy myself, yet here i am, pen in hand, finding myself writing to you again. I know this letter will never reach you- it’ll end up crumpled at the bottom of my drawer or burned to ashes. Still, I can’t seem to stop myself.

It has been exactly two august ago since everything fell apart. I remember the way I laid it all out, raw, I wanted to be real, hoping that honesty would mend us. We weren’t perfect. Hell, we were far from it. We fought like fire and gasoline, burning everything we touched. Jealousy leads us to mistrust each other but even then, I didn’t think it would end the way it did. I never thought that fight would be the last..the final, devastating blow before you ghosted me and blocked me everywhere.

I swear it wasn’t my intention to break up with you, I thought by exposing the cracks, we could patch them together. Instead, the truth just ended up pushing you away. When you drove off in your Benz and left me standing at my gate, it felt like everything had stopped. The time, the world, my heart…everything froze. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to scream, I wanted to stop you, beg you to stay, to tell you that we could still save us but you didn’t look back, and i was too late.

Now, i watch you from a distance as you become successful, helping your dad doing business, running Cameron’s development like you were born to do it. I heard your name whispered in admiration at the club where I work, how you charm people the way you trained for. And you know what? I’m so so proud of you Rafe. I always knew you had it in you. I’ll be rooting for you always, even from the shadows.

Maybe two summers from now we’ll be talking again at some point, exchange smiles, our lives untangled and we’re cool again. I can picture you’ll be in your family’s jet, travelling, and me, on my boat moving on with our own lives. By then, i hope..im actually ready to move on. I know you’ve already moved on- I mean, why wouldn’t you? Still, there’s part of me wish that you wouldn’t yet, and maybe, just maybe, you would take me back.

But that’s just selfish isn’t it? I was selfish when we were together too. I made everything about me, i was inconsiderate, I turn something small into raging battles. I didn’t listen, didn’t see you for who you were. I’m ashamed of the person I was, of the mistakes I made. After everything i did, I’m surprised you haven’t send someone to kill me yet.

Lately I find myself sitting on the porch, watching sunsets like we used to, with a glass of something strong in my hand. I laugh at myself, at the crash I made, because what else can I do? It’s a twisted kind of coping—laughing at my own heartbreak. It doesn’t feel real and it’s really hard to let go but i guess that’s just the way life goes.

I know i was a dick, Rafe. I had too many flaws to count but as sick as it sounds, I loved you first. You’ll always be my first love. You were the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me, a storm that left me shattered but alive. Your love had impact me deeply, it is carved in my soul. No matter where we are, i want you to know that I’ll carry the past and the weight of my mistakes with me. Trust me, it will always, haunt me.

I regret every second for not treating you well, for not being the person you needed. Lastly, i want you to know that I still, truly, deeply, love you, I’m sorry.

*Ding* you heard the bell rings. You rush downstairs to answer the door.

“Pizza delivery”, says the delivery boy standing in front of you. You almost forgot you ordered one, an hour ago. You take your prepaid alfredo chicken pizza and thank him. It was Rafe’s favourite pizza, you’re not sure if it’s still his favourite though. After shutting the door, you walk to your kitchen.

Just two seconds later, *ding* the bell rings again. Did the delivery boy forget anything? You thought.

You open the door, “yes-“ you pause. You couldn’t believe it, standing right in front of you,

“Topper?”

“Topper what are you doing here?” you ask, your voice laced with confusion.

He then steps aside and reveals a man behind him, lying on the steps of your porch- a man whose silhouette you’d recognize anywhere. “Rafe,” you whisper.

“Shit I’m sorry to bother you but this dumbass got into an accident for driving while he’s high,” Topper blurts out, panickly.

Your brow furrowing and your confusion deepens. You walk closer to Rafe and spot the blood dripping from his head, “Accident? What? Then why do you bring him here instead of the hospital?” You ask, your voice sharp, slicing through the chaos of the moment.

“He won’t let me. He insisted I bring him here to see you,” Topper explains.

“Y/n,” Rafe speaks up, his voice low and strained.

Your heart skips a beat. It’s like the universe has stopped spinning again. This is the first time you hear him calling your name after two whole years.

“Hey Rafe, you’re bleeding,” you say, your voice mix with feelings.

“I’m fine,” he says, giving a soft, disarming smile while trying to sit up.

You instruct Topper to go find some cloth to stop the bleeding. As he dissapears, you sit on your knees facing to Rafe, “Rafe, what happened? Why are you here?” you ask, still have no clue of what’s going on here.

“I wanted to see you,” he replies, putting on that damn smile again, the one that’s always managed to unravel you. “I miss you, y/n.”

Your face goes pale, your eyes widens, the words hang in the hair, heavy and unexpected. “Rafe, you’re drunk,” you accuse, trying to make sense of what’s happening right now.

“No, I’m not, i swear I’m very conscious right now,” he insists, his voice firm. You’re still not sure if he’s telling the truth or not. “I really miss you, y/n,” he continues, his voice low but still clear for you to hear it.

Your heart aches, torn between disbelief and the undeniable pull of his words. “How hard did you hit your head? God, you’re still bleeding. We need to see a doctor,” you say, trying to stand up, but he grabs your hand, pulling you back down.

“Stop it, I’m fine i swear…this is nothing,” he says waving off the concern. Just then, Topper returns with a towel in his hand. He hands the towel to you and says, “dude, are you sure you’re okay? When i saw your car there were smokes everywhere. Looks like you hit that tree pretty hard,” his voice fill with concern.

“I’m fine Top, just go. I need to talk to y/n,” Rafe says with a dismissive wave. Topper hesitates, he looks at you for confirmation as if you’re the one in charge here. You nod at him, signalling an approval, “s’okay Top i can handle this.”

“Okay, just call me if anything happens,” he says. “Thank you,” you mutter softly to Topper as he’s leaving towards his car.

With Topper gone, you shift your focus back to Rafe. You take the towel and start dabbing on the blood on his forehead, “we still need to get this stitched up,” you say. Rafe then grabs your wrist, his grip firm but not forceful, “look at me,” he demands.

You look at him straight in the eyes, drowning in his blue eyes. It’s overwhelming- staring at the man that you love but no longer yours.

“I do mean what i said, i miss you y/n and i wanted to see you,” he says, his tone steady and sure.

“But why now?” You ask, your voice breaking under the weight of the question.

“Sar..Sarah told me tonight that you’ve been writing letters about me. She found them stashed under your bed,” he says, hesitantly.

Your stomach drops and you shake your head in disbelief, “God…i knew it there was something wrong. She was acting so weird when she left this morning,” you mutter.

“So it’s true? You’ve been writing about me?”

Your face is turning red, you’re struggling to find the words. “I- yes…I’ve been writing letters. Pretending like I’m gonna send it to you but i never do,” you stutter.

“Why didn’t you just send them?” He presses, his voice low, almost pleading.

“You know why Rafe…you’ve moved on. You blocked me few months after we broke up. You’re thriving now with your job, you got your whole life together, and I- I was the reason why we broke up. I can’t just crawl my way back into your life like nothing happened,” you shatter, your voice breaking as you’re struggling to control your tears.

Rafe shakes his head. He brushes his thumb over your knuckles and kisses it. “You’re wrong y/n, you’re absolutely wrong. I’ve been doing nothing over the past two years except than trying to forget about you. That’s why I’ve been doing all these jobs, thinking it could distract me, but no,” he shakes his head again. “Nothing could make me stop thinking about you.”

His confession leaves you breathless, your tears streaming down your face as he continues. “About the blocking and disappearing, I’m really sorry, I was a coward. The truth is, that day i came to your house to apologize. Then, as I stood outside, i saw you were laughing with jj through your window. I knew you guys were not together cause after jj left, I may or may not have confronted him…” he then mouthed sorry. “But then, I remember the way you looked so happy when you’re with him. At that time, I knew I had to let you go cause you deserve someone better and you deserve to be happy so that’s why I blocked you..as if that makes any difference.”

You idiot,” you scoff. “I never wanted anyone else, only you Rafe, only you. You’re the only one who could truly make me happy.”

His eyes glisten, his smile soft and hesitant. “Please forgive me y/n, I swear I’m a better person now and I love- I love you, so much. I still do.”

You reach up, caress his cheek and pull him in for a kiss. “I love you too Rafe,” you whisper. He cups your face and returns the kiss. The kiss is passionate, slow and tender. His lip is so soft and only god knows how much you miss this. The world fades around you, leaving only the two of you, two broken pieces finding their way back to each other.

You pull away from his face and let out a giggle. “Why are you laughing?” He asks, can’t help but let out a soft giggle too.

“Before you came I was actually writing another letter for you,” you admit, a shy smile appears on your face.

“Oh really? Tell me about it baby,” he smirks. Your smile widens at the sound of the nickname that rolls out from his mouth. “Mm I miss that. You, calling me baby. Anyways, it’s in my room, wanna come in?” You ask.

He shakes his head, pulling you closer as he leans back against the stairs railing. “Hmm in a bit sweetheart, you can tell me here while we stargaze. I missed your porch- and mostly you, of course,” he replies with a faint smile.

So you do. You talk to him about the letter while your head rest on his shoulder and your fingers intertwined. “Lastly I wrote, I love you, I’m sorry,” you say, explaining the last content of the letter. But then, you realise he has gone quiet. His stillness unsettling. You glance up to him, “Rafe?” He’s not responding. You check his pulse but there is none. Panic sets in as you shake him, calling his name.

“Rafe”

“Rafe, wake up”

“Wake up!”

“Wake up!”

“Y/n”

“Y/n”

“Y/n, wake up”

You gasp, your heart is pounding like a drum. You’re sweating all over your body as reality crashes down. It was a nightmare.

“Hey..baby you okay?” You turn your head to your right and realise it’s Rafe. He’s okay, he’s alive and he’s sitting on the bed next to you. Relief floods through you like a tidal wave.

“Is it the nightmare again?” He asks. You nod, signalling him that he’s right.

“It’s okay baby I got you. Here, come back to sleep,” he says, gently pulling you into his arms. You smile and cuddle him, clinging to the illusion of safety his embrace provides. You close your eyes again trying to fall back to sleep till your alarm suddenly rings.

You wake up with a tear running down your cheek. You hit the snooze button and realise that was a dream and this time, it’s the true reality. You look to the other side of your bed, it’s empty. It always has been for quite a while now. The truth is, that night after Rafe collapsed, you called for an ambulance. On the way to the hospital, they try everything to make his heart beat again, but nothing works. It was too late. He had lost too many blood before that you weren’t aware of and that same night, Rafe had died in your arms.

It’s been 3 years since the tragic. You keep having the same dream almost every night. Part of you is grateful that you and Rafe had ended in good terms but another part of you knows that the truth is you’ll never get the chance to redeem yourself and be a better partner. There’s nothing remaining other than the memories that will haunt you forever.

Rafe, if you’re hearing this, I love you, I’m sorry.

Like and reblog if you want to kys after reading this😇☺️

[lexaknoxville]

𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞 - 𝐋𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧

“𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁, 𝗜 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲” - 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗗𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘆

pairing(s) | Luke Castellan x reader

summary | Luke’s rough days always end up with you, him, and a blunt by the lake. This time your emotions the weed gets the better of you both, leading to a shift in your friendship

warnings | smoking, cussing, making out, suggestive content!

based on THIS request!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN! MASTERLIST!

—————————————————————————————

“I’m sorry for dragging you out here like this.”

Luke says breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over the two of you. The only words spoken back and forth in the last fifteen or so minutes was the occasional “thanks” while passing the blunt.

“What do you mean? You know I would never pass up the opportunity to smoke.” You said with a light giggle. You knew exactly what he meant, and you knew what you truly wanted to say.

“I know I know, I just feel like shit for always dragging you out in the middle of the night, just because I’m being whiny.”

“Luke come on, you know I don’t care. And you’re not whiny.” You could’ve said more, been more reassuring, comforted him, but you knew if you kept talking you would end up spilling all of the shit you’ve tried so hard to keep bottled up.

So you kept your mouth shut, because we all know It’s not smart to tell your best friend that he’s the only reason you come back to camp every year. its not smart to tell him that you would come out barefoot in the snow just to make sure he’s ok, and it’s definitely not smart to tell your best friend that you’re in love with him.

So you stayed quiet.

He leant over and knocked your shoulders together, dragging you out of your thoughts. Looking over towards him with a smile, you went to ask if he was ok before he interrupted you.

“You cold? Pretty sure I can hear your teeth jittering from over here y/n.” He laughed out. You genuinely hadn’t even noticed you were freezing, so caught up thinking about him and all the things you couldn’t say.

“Honestly yeah, a little”

“Come here.” He said in his usual sweet tone, reaching over to pull you closer to his side.

As soon as his hands were on you your face heated up, and as much as your mind was telling you to pull away you just couldn’t. Everything about it was so undeniably him. The smoke surrounding you guys, the smell of his cologne, him pressed up against your side, the gentle brush of his fingers on your leg.

It was all so him.

Finally working up the courage to face him, you realized just how close the two of you were. If he had moved even an inch closer your nose would be touching his.

“Y/n/n, can I kiss you?”

God, you didn’t know if it was the nickname, the weed, or just your borderline obsessive crush on him, but you almost passed out then and there.

“Please” you almost begged. Any other time you would’ve been embarrassed, but you just didn’t have it in you at the moment.

That was all it took for him to lean forward and finally put his lips to yours. He brought his hands up to your face as you kissed. His hands were gentle and soft, the complete opposite of the almost erratic way he was kissing you.

His hands dropped from your face down to your waist, pulling you softly into his lap. Throwing your legs over his thighs, it finally clicked that you were making out with Luke Castellan. The boy who caught the eyes of all the girls at camp, the best swordsman, and your best friend.

You slowly carded your fingers through his hair, gently tugging once you got close to the scalp. A low groan ripped out of him, and you knew in that moment that you would never hear anything better.

It could be the weed, or the way he’s kissing you so deeply, but your mind was almost in a haze. The only thing that held your focus was Luke. The feeling of his hands on your hips, slowly rocking you back and forth against him. The way he smelt, the softness of his hair, the warmth radiating from his body, the feeling of his abs when you ran your hands up his shirt, the low whines he was letting out.

After several minutes, and finally getting your thoughts back under control, you realized It was all too much. This was moving way too fast and you’d be damned if you messed this all up by fucking your best friend in the woods.

“Luke, Luke baby we need to stop.” You said between kisses, slowly pulling back from him. Still placed in his lap, with his hands on your hips, he slowly nodded. “You’re right. It’s way too cold out here and we’re gonna end up getting caught.”

Words aside, neither of you made any effort to move.

Luke stayed quiet for a moment before bursting into laugher. “just so you know, I wanted to do that for a long time. Now that I finally have, you’re gonna have a hard time getting rid of me.”

All you could do was laugh. “Please Castellan, we both know I would never try to get rid of you.”

I HOPE THIS WAS OK!!! I HAVENT WRITTEN IN A WHILE SO GIVE ME A BREAK LMAO.

SEND IN REQUESTS! LOVE YALL 🤗

@lexaknoxville

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[10:14 am]

(cw: pregnant reader, some cussing I think, pregnancy symptoms/discomforts)

You groaned as you continued walking. What would have been a beautiful day for anyone else felt awful for you, nearly 2 weeks overdue. The sun was shining brightly- which was making you hot and sweaty. There was a breeze- which wasn't strong enough to cool you down. The birds were singing- just more noise to piss you off.

"Come on, honey. Keep going, almost back home," Jaehyun smiled at you while his hands gripped your forearm.

You glared at him, fury in your gaze, "you better not be lying to me like the last lap around the block Jung Jaehyun."

Being nearly 2 weeks overdue was a major pain in the- everywhere. You back ached, you couldn't sleep, you felt every movement of the human inside you, you were hot, cranky, tired, swollen everywhere, and sore. You had spent hours bouncing on a yoga ball, eaten spicy food, chugged various teas, ate viral salads, and here you were, going on your- you lost count- walk since your due date. One foot remained on the curb of the sidewalk while the other stepped on the road for uneven steps to "really open your pelvis." Jaehyun was very supportive, maybe even a little too supportive, in helping you during this tough period. It was him that encouraged all this excessive movement! Lovely!

As much as you grumbled about it now, he truly had been such an angel your whole pregnancy. He had painted the nursery 4 times when you couldn't decide on a shade only to end up choosing the first color he had painted! He never complained about waking up to get you your fast food cravings in the middle of the night and even tried your weird combinations.

Finally your familiar front door came into view and you left Jaehyun's hold in favor of making your way back to your favorite spot on the couch. You sighed in relief as you settled into the cushions of the couch, the air conditioning quickly cooling you off.

"More raspberry leaf tea, honey? A date or some pineapple?" Jaehyun asked.

You sighed tiredly, your eyes falling shut. "Can I just get some peace and quiet please?" You asked quietly.

"Do you want a snack for your quiet time?"

You felt yourself getting overwhelmed, hot tears filling your eyes. You breathed deeply, trying to get yourself to calm down, but all you felt was your body temperature rise all over again as your feelings rose. Your breath trembled as you repeated, "Can I please just get some peace and quiet?"

Jaehyun scrambled over to you in a panic, "Honey! What's wrong?!"

You felt your shoulders shake as you cried harder. "I feel terrible! This baby was supposed to be out like 2 weeks ago. I feel like a hippo, I can't do anything by myself. I'm tired of raspberry tea and salads and dates and pineapple. And you always want me to be active and I hate it! It takes a lot of work for me move the way I used to with my center of gravity thrown off and an extra 30 pounds to move. I always feel the baby moving and even when I want to be alone, I'm not! I can't ever have any peace!" You ranted while hot tears streamed down your cheeks, "And every time we go to the doctor she always mentions that this kid has gotten you big ass head- do you have any idea how much damage a head the size of yours will do to my body?!"

Jaehyun looked at you in pure shock. His eyes were wide and lips pursed. "I-I-I don't know what to say." He didn't dare mention that the doctor had mentioned the high likelihood of a c-section.

"Because it's not happening to you! You don't get it and you want me to do everything the way I used to but I can't! And I really, really feel like if you try to touch me in any way for the next 3 days I will hire someone to kick you in the balls since I can't get my legs that high," you add while exhaling shakily, using the backs of your hands to wipe away at your tears.

Jaehyun cleared his throat with a decisive nod, "I'm gonna go shower. I'm closing the windows and turning down the air for you. Then I'm going to draw you a bath with your favorite bubbles. Can I get you anything else before I give you your peace and quiet?"

"I want an iced coffee, please."

Jaehyun opened his mouth to argue- you were supposed to be limiting your caffeine! Then he remembered the rant from a minute ago and decided not to. He disappeared into the kitchen, whipping up your coffee and setting it beside you along with the TV remote.

"Honey?" Jaehyun started almost nervously, "I love you."

You sipped your coffee happily, "I love you too!"

Jaehyun wasn't sure he'd get used to the mood swings that came with you being pregnant, but luckily they wouldn't last that much longer since you went into labor just 5 hours later. This of course brought a whole new wave of you cursing him and screams- but at least at the end of it all he got to welcome your beautiful baby girl.

[dnvrsmedia]

Touch Me, Feel Me

Sevika x Reader (afab) smut

Kinktober

an: uh hi! it’s been a real long time & i come back bearing very filthy smut as promised HAHA

warnings: breeding kink 🤓

Ragged breaths escape your plush lips, dry from exhaustion. Eyes tilted up and back, unable to keep focus as the brute above you thrusts her hips in an ungodly manner.

Being the mechanic that you were, tinkering with hex tech was a pastime you enjoyed frequently. Knowing that Sevika’s birthday was coming up motivated you to finish something you had been working on for a long time. You were able to make technology to allow someone to regain feeling in a prosthetic. This idea came to you during one of the many nights you laid on Sevika’s chest. Soft strokes of her arm lightly scratching your back in comfort.

“I miss the way you feel on my arm.” Sevika kept her gaze on the ceiling.

Thoughts flurrying in her brain. Her strong jaw clenched in an act to make her exclude any emotion that may slip. You on the other hand, stunned. Sevika refuses to talk about her lost arm. The adjustment that was made post explosion left your relationship chipped, but not broken. From then on, you worked diligently to give your lover a new meaning.

You didn’t necessarily think your new technology would lead to Sevika attaching the device to her thick and lengthy silicon cock. Although, Sevika being Sevika, it truly didn’t surprise you.

“F-fuck! Vika, oh my-“ Your moans of deep pleasure increase by tenfold, the buff woman above you pistons her hips deeply into your core.

Her flesh hand snaking its way across your budding clit, rubbing furious circles into damnation. Drool dripping hotly onto the sheets from your gaped mouth as your center leaks from your pleasure. Slick coating the thick member while leaking down Sevika’s thick mountainous thighs. Her essence mixing with yours as her cunt weeps at the sensations of your warmth encompassing her member.

“That’s fucking it, baby. You like how this dick feels, huh? How full i’m- oh fuck- how full i’m making you?” The most powerful woman of Zaun grunts in your ear as her hips never farther.

Babbling is all you are left with as the piece works your walls. Stretching and massaging the spot that makes your toes curl. Sevika can feel the clenching of your muscles around her and moans a moan you’ve never thought could manifest from betwixt her lips. Your eyes full of adoration of how good she is feeling. You turn your gaze to watch as Sevika’s muscles contract in every movement made. Her abs on full display as her body contorts. Her nipples fully erect on her chest make you dizzy. It’s not very often that Sevika allows you to touch her breasts, but when she does it always makes her shiver. With no rational thoughts flowing through your brain, you unconsciously lift your hand up to her chest, catching a hold of her swelled bud, and pinch.

A roar from the bellows of her being errupts from the brute above. Like a light switch was flipped, Sevika shifts her body to contain your hands above your head in restraint.

“Who fucking told you it was okay yo do that? What a fucking whore you are. You say you made this for my arm but deep down we both know you wanted this.” Sevikas impossible pace picks up faster than you thought was possible.

At this point, silent screams are leaving your body as it is being found impossible to make noise. Your eyes fully roll to the back of your head in pleasure, unable to look at your lover above you. Your bilss taken away from you as her flesh hand removes itself from your clit with a firm ‘smack!’ a whine released itself from your throat as a plea.

“Watch yourself, baby.” Sevika halts all movement making you whimper and rustle in your restraint.

“Please.” You whimper softly, feeling too lightheaded to do more than that.

“What was that?” Sevika teased, slowly teasing herself back onto you, watching you fall apart.

“Vika, please! I need you!” You whine loudly, thrashing harshly in her hold. You can tell that she thrived off teasing you as her chin rose in pride and her smirk grew.

And in an instant, she’s back to fucking you open.

Sevika pushes to your climax with fast, sloppy thrusts . You can tell she is close by the guttural grunts and increased filthy words.

“Come on baby let me feel you cum on my cock. This pussy fucking loves taking me. Fucking take it!” And with that, you’re climaxing. Stars erupt behind your eyes as bliss comes running to you at full force.

“Gonna fuckin’ cum, gonna full you so good, baby! This pussy so fucking good.” Sevika is not too far behind you as she’s collapsing above you.

Moments pass before you feel your lover slip out of you with a wince. You giggle at her, she forgot to turn off the device allowing her to feel you. An annoyed pout adorns her face before she playfully smacks your thigh.

“Happy Birthday, Vika.” You kiss her lips slowly and passionately, showing your appreciation.

[oldsoul007]

unspoken

father charlie x nun reader

summary: angstyyyy, nun and priest inlove but obey their vows.

masterlist

I entered the dimly lit church, my heart pounding as I approached the confessional. I took a deep breath and stepped inside, the wooden door closing softly behind me. I could hear the faint rustle of Father Charlie on the other side.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," i began, my voice shaking. "It's been a while since my last confession."

Father Charlie's voice was gentle, yet firm. "What is it that troubles you, my child?"

I hesitated, tears already forming in my eyes. "Father Charlie, It's tearing me apart.” I hesitated. "Father, I've been struggling with feelings that I know are not right. Feelings for someone I shouldn't have."

There was a heavy silence on the other side of the confessional. Finally, Father Charlie spoke, his voice filled with concern. "Go on, my child. It is important to unburden your heart."

I took a deep breath, my words spilling out in a rush. "I have feelings for you, Father Charlie. Deep feelings that I can't seem to control. And I think... I think you might feel the same way."

There was a heavy silence on the other side of the confessional. Finally, Father Charlie spoke, his voice filled with sorrow. "Sister y/n, my heart aches with the same love and pain. But my vows, my commitment to God and the church, they bind me. I cannot break them."

My tears flowed freely now. "I know, and I respect your devotion. But it hurts so much to love someone I can never be with. I don't know how to move on."

Father Charlie's voice was choked with emotion. "I wish things were different, y/n. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world. But this path, it's one I chose long ago. We must find the strength to let go, even though it feels impossible."

I nodded, though he couldn't see me. "I understand, Father. I'll try to find peace, but please know that you'll always have a place in my heart."

"And you in mine, y/n," Father Charlie replied softly. "May God grant you the strength to heal and find happiness."

With a heavy heart, I left the confessional, my love for Father Charlie forever unspoken in the world outside, but deeply etched in our hearts.

Weeks passed, and the pain of their unspoken love weighed heavily on both their hearts.

One evening, as the sun set and the church was empty, I returned. I found Father Charlie alone, deep in thought. "Father Charlie," I whispered, "I can't bear this any longer. I know it's wrong, but my feelings for you are too strong."

Father Charlie looked at me, his eyes filled with the same longing. "Sister Y/n, I've prayed for guidance, but my heart keeps leading me back to you. We must be careful, but if we truly care for each other, perhaps we can find a way."he whispers against my ear.

I felt my breath catch in my throat. I had known this moment was coming, but nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of it. "Charlie," i murmured, my voice trembling with anticipation.

Without another word, Charlie gently cupped my face in his hands, his touch tender and reassuring. He leaned in slowly, giving me a chance to pull away, but i didn't. Instead, i closed the distance between us, and our lips met in a passionate kiss.The world seemed to fade away as we lost ourselves in the kiss. It was a kiss filled with all the unspoken words, the shared experiences. I reach my hand brushing through his hair not wanting it to end. 

In the quiet of the church, we shared a tender embrace, knowing our love would have to remain a secret. We promised to cherish our moments together, hidden from the world but forever bound by our unbreakable bond.

[thorough-witness-enjoyer]

The Traveler captures the essence of Destiny’s humanistic and existential message with touching inspiration.

I’m coming out to say that the Traveler is my favorite character in Destiny by FAR and has been for years. I promise I’ll make a full thought dump on Cayde’s decision, but I just want to quickly talk about the absolute beauty of the narrative surrounding the Traveler that I have cried numerous rivers over. The Traveler’s philosophy and essence has touched my spirit so intimately, I cannot thank Destiny enough for blessing us with that beautiful white orb.

The Traveler is the most endearing thing ever to be conceived of to me because the idea of a creator who believes it should serve its creations in the best way it knows how is so refreshing. We as humans are so used to stories to about gods who we must respect because they contributed to the universe we live in; gods who believe they have jurisdiction over all and expect us to follow their word for they are wiser than any mortal. Free will is a heavy burden to bear and, as a result of humans wishing to alleviate the anxiety that comes with the knowledge that you must be responsible for all your directionless choices and the potential pain that comes with them, we create stories about deities who understand the things we don’t and will guide us in a universe that provides no instructions on how to live properly.

The Traveler is so respectable and inspiring because though it can bend the laws of physics with its paracasual abilities and was responsible for the birth of the universe, it doesn’t view itself as any higher than the life forms it fostered. Its devotion to free will and the love it has for all is heart throbbing, especially when sticking to its ideology is detrimental to its safety and well being. It’s so hopeful and believes in the good of sentient life, even if shown how awful beings can be. It has wishes and beliefs, but it will never impose them on anyone because it believes the universe is ours rather than the universe being entitled to it.

The Traveler could have been god and gave that up so we could have complexity and free will; so that we wouldn’t have a destiny. It is so mindful of people’s inclination to look beyond themselves for purpose in order to make their suffering more sensible and it chooses to not speak so that we may never hinder our ability to define our lives to be what we truly desire it to be. That choice, the choice to not be god because you believe so deeply in people’s self efficacy that you don’t see a god to be necessary, is one I hold dear to me.

Destiny is not a game about gods, it’s about powerful people who either realize that their powers do not mean they can enforce their will on others, leading them to enjoy the complex experience of being a living being, or become pseudo gods, meeting their end to godslayers who refuse to let anyone determine their fate. The Traveler is powerful and loving for it could have chosen servitude from all , but it chose to be of service instead, even if it would get hatred in return from those who did not understand the power it was granting them. It’s love is unconditional and it would suffer untold eons for anyone, even if the affection wasn’t returned.

Destiny asks the question “What do you do when you can’t force the universe to care about you?”

What do you do when the logic is sharp, the Winnower cuts away at the excess of reality, and you cry out prayers to get no response in turn?

It answers it with “Who cares if the universe thinks we matter or not, we decide if we matter and we can care for each other when the Winnower refuses to”.

I’ll forever thank the Traveler for allowing us to not only find that answer, but experience it with mouthfuls of the sweetness freedom bleeds when you breach the deterring sight of possibility.

Traveler, I love you more than you could understand and when I think there is no hope in my life, I think of you standing strong in the sky after eons of fear and torment and I get the courage to stand strong against the the tides of causality.

The universe may be unmoved by whether we suffer or not, but there will always be beings who will help us understand that this isn’t a problem to be solved, but a truth to embrace and free ourselves with.

Beings like the Traveler, who never understood why we looked up at it when we could have looked down at our own hands. We may want god, but what we really need is ourselves and each other. This is something we will struggle against for a long time, but the Traveler knows we will get there eventually.

It has patience and hope beyond infinity, traits I will forever think of when humanity stumbles over existential questions time and time again.

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

The Tragedy of Haladriel - Part II

In Part I, I already analyzed Galadriel and Mairon’s characters, their judgment by the Valar in Númenor, and why they connected so deeply with each other.

Mairon's Wish to Heal

After Morgoth’s defeat, the one you call Sauron devoted himself to healing Middle-earth–bringing its ruined lands together in perfect order. He sought to craft a power not of the flesh, but o’er the flesh. The power of the unseen world. Adar reveals to Galadriel that he killed Sauron, 1x06

This “wound” is most likely another one of Mairon’s tricks, because he wants to be near Galadriel: he wants to serve her, she’s his Vala, now.

Although, in the lore, when Maiar are in human forms they can still get injured and have a different set of needs. We see this with Gandalf in “Lord of the Rings”; he needs to sleep in order to sustain his human form. Maiar just need to be careful not to overindulge on their humans forms, otherwise they can become bound to them, and unable to return to their true spiritual forms (there’s a lot of debate around this, with some even saying that eating can be binding). So, there is a very small possibility that Mairon was indeed injured (unlikely).

Galadriel: “You wish to heal me?” Sauron: “I wish to heal all Middle-earth.” Galadriel mocks Sauron's goal, 2x08

Either way, this wound is deeply symbolic, of Mairon wish to heal himself, Galadriel and all of Middle-earth, from Morgoth’s corruption (darkness). And since the wound “soured” overnight (sneaky Mairon), Galadriel takes him to the nearest by Elven kingdom: Eregion, ruled by Celebrimbor, the grandson of the legendary Elven smith, Fëanor.  

Now, I don’t know if Mairon’s intention was to go to Eregion, because, unless he has the gift of foresight (and nothing on Tolkien lore or even RoP canon suggests this), he could never have known that Galadriel would take him there, in the first place. Because, in “Rings of Power”, she lives in Lindon, and could have taken a different road to get to her home realm faster.

After being healed by the Elves, Marion seems to be a completely different being. He’s happy, excited and enthusiastic at the forge of Eregion, exchanging knowledge and ideas with Celebrimbor. When this episode aired, it was noticed by many just how “hot” he looked. It’s that Maia glow-up, because Mairon, the Maia of Aulë, was starting to make an appearance.

Perhaps, due to Mithril, itself? In 2x08, we saw that Nenya, a ring entirely made of Mithril, was able to heal Adar from Morgoth’s corruption, but the effect was temporary and vanished as soon as he removed the ring.

This look is peak "Mairon, the Maia of Aulë", vibes: with his reddish hair, beard and the Dwarvish-inspired necklace (the Dwarves are the Children of Aulë). 

Mairon: Thank you, Galadriel. Galadriel: For bringing you here? Mairon: For saving my life. Galadriel: As you saved mine. Our scales are balanced. Mairon: No. No, you've done far more than that for me. I'd all but given up. But you, you believed in me. You saw strength in me. You pushed me to heights that no one else could have. I will never forget that. And I'll see to it that no one else does either.

In the episode itself (1x08) this line “I’ll see to it that no one else does either” sounds ominous, because the show wanted the big “He is Sauron” reveal.

However, and looking at the great scheme of things, I don’t believe it was Mairon’s intention to be threatening here, at all. He wanted Galadriel to know she would be given the proper credit for her role in healing and saving Middle-earth, and for his own redemption at the eyes of all in the Seen and Unseen world (more on that later).

Which leads me to...

The Three Elven Rings of Power

Are they truly free of "Sauron's influence", like Season 2 expects us to believe?

Gil-galad: The Rings. Show them to me. Elrond: Dare not, High King. He's [Sauron] no doubt corrupted... Galadriel: He never touched them, High King. Elrond: He worked with Celebrimbor for weeks. We know not the depth of his influence. Elrond refuses to give the Three to Gil-galad, 2x01

In 2x01, every Elf in Lindon seems to believe the Three rings of power are free from Sauron’s influence, expect for Elrond.

Círdan: I remember, he [Celebrimbor] used to speak of, one day, crafting objects of such power, they could change the heart of any who beheld them. If, as you say, these Rings have so quickly turned Elf against Elf... it would appear he has succeeded. Elrond: Perhaps it was not Celebrimbor's hand that produced that effect. Círdan: If what you've told me is true, these three Rings were made without Sauron's touch. Elrond: The Enemy is cunning. The Rings may well be a ploy on his part. A device in some larger plan, the end of which we cannot yet see.

Indeed, Mairon spent a lot of time at Eregion with Celebrimbor, handling the only piece of Mithril available, and experimenting with different alloys. And when Celebrimbor melted down the Mithril into the purest gold and silver from Valinor (Finrod’s dagger), “the eye of Sauron” makes a (double) appearance:

In 2x03, when he (in Annatar form) and Celebrimbor are forging the Seven for the Dwarves lords, infusing the piece of Mithril with spells was the only thing he needed:

But I almost had it sooner. It was only in speaking with the Southlander that I realized... [...] His suggestions were but the key that unlocked the dam. We are on the cusp of crafting a new kind of power. Not of strength, but of spirit. Not of the flesh, but over flesh. This is... This is a power of the Unseen World. Celebrimbor tells Gil-galad about Halbrand’s ideas concerning the “crown” to save the Elves, 1x08 

In an entirely different post, I already explained what is the Unseen world, but it's also worth mentioning here that "controlling the Unseen world" isn't a dark or evil power per say. Even in Tolkien lore, the Three Elven rings are a “power of the Unseen world”, allowing their ring-bearers to have foresight, strength, etc.

Mairon: We found it. I don't know how we missed it before. It's too much power for one object. We need two. We're making two. Galadriel: Two crowns? Mairon: Not exactly. It'll need to be something… Smaller. Come, see for yourself.

This exchange suggests that the idea of “rings” (instead of crowns) might have come from Mairon himself, and he wanted to forged two. One for Galadriel, and another for himself. And probably entirely made of mithril, too. Because Nenya, "Ring of Water" has no lesser ore (unlike Vilya "Ring of Air", and Narya, "Ring of Fire"). With what purpose? For them both to heal, themselves and Middle-earth.

Nenya choosing Galadriel in 2x01

Perfection does not exist only in Valinor, High King. It is here. Celebrimbor has brought it to Middle-earth. Círdan arrives with the Three, wearing Narya himself.

Did he, now?

At the beginning, Mairon was one of the most powerful Maiar, and the purest one, too. Which makes his corruption by Morgoth all more tragic. Before his mastery of Dark magic and witchcraft ("Sauron"), he’s gifted in Ainur magic, as it was his purpose by Eru. 

And, in Tolkien canon, the Three aren’t free from Sauron’s influence, since their ring-bearers were able to perceive that Sauron forged the One ring (and took off theirs), and the Three lost their power once the One ring is destroyed by Frodo, in the Third Age. This means, the Three are, indeed, connected to Sauron’s power, they just don’t enslave their wearers to his will (like the Nine) nor bring misfortune (greed) as the Seven. “Rings of Power” build upon this and made the question more complex (and interesting).

Since “Rings of Power” somewhat changed the Tolkien canon (Celebrimbor forged the Three, alone, when he started to suspect Annatar’s true intentions and without any intervention from his part, meaning, he didn’t touch any material), I believe Mairon might had a hand on them being so powerful, especially their healing proprieties (Nenya above all). Because this was his ultimate goal, and what he has been seeking for a very long time. And since he was healing himself (through the Mithril), he might have transferred that, alongside with his original purposes (purity of heart and loyalty) as designed by Eru, onto the Three.  

Mairon’s Illusions 

This is more of side note, but now most of you are wondering, if that was Mairon, in his pathway to redemption, what’s with all the illusions in 1x08?

You see, “illusions” don’t exactly equal deception in Tolkien’s lore. Mostly because we have another character who’s also a Maia and who uses them on a regular basis: Gandalf (ironically, Tolkien himself said that Gandalf as Ring-Lord would have been far worse than Sauron ever was).

His charade with her brother had one purpose, only:

He [Sauron] was seeking a power not to destroy Middle-earth, but to heal it. Just as your fellow Elves are seeking to do this very moment. You needn't lie to them. Simply let the work proceed.

And, at the end, Galadriel does allow the work to proceed, only she has Three rings made, instead of original Two (as Mairon intended).  

Galadriel's Desire for Power

Mairon sees in Galadriel a wish for power. It’s no coincidence we see her on a power trip in 1x06, mostly in her interaction with Adar after the battle is won. And he’s a Maia, he was created with the purpose of being a servant to a Vala.

And this is where the majority of the fandom gets things wrong about Mairon’s offer to Galadriel in 1x08 (because the dialogue is misleading).

Mairon wasn’t asking her to be “his” queen, but *the* Queen of all Middle-earth. With him as her consort, “my king”, of course (he was already planning on getting the wedding rings made, after all).

This idea is confirmed in 2x08, when Sauron reveals to Galadriel his original intention in 1x08 (when he was Halbrand/Repentant Mairon):  

I would have placed a crown upon your head. I would never have rested until all Middle-earth had been brought to its knees, to worship the light of its Queen.

In 1x08, Mairon asks his new “Vala” (Galadriel) for them to bind together. He says “You bind me” (and not the other way around). This is Marion plegding himself at her service (the Maia in service of a Vala). She binds him to the light (redemption), and he binds her to power, allowing her to become the Queen she wants to be.

This vision is meant to symbolize redeemed Mairon with Queen Galadriel, and not Dark!Galadriel as many assume.

And this is pretty much what Galadriel will tell Frodo, in the Third Age, when he offers her the One ring: 

And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair! The Fellowship of the Ring, Book II, Chapter 7: "The Mirror of Galadriel"

Thousands of years later, this offer still haunts Galadriel, which makes me wonder if “Rings of Power” will return to this scene again in future seasons (maybe to reveal the truth of it).

Galadriel denies Mairon, because she doesn't believe in his redemption, and thinks he has deceived her all along, and, worst, she fell in love with the enemy she has been obsessively searching for centuries now. He still fights back with “you need me.”, in pledge of his servitude to her, but to no avail. She’s too prideful to say “yes” to him. Because she assumes he's "Sauron", "the deceiver".

Mairon, on the other hand, sees his oath of servitude denied. Galadriel refused to be his Vala, and to bind him to the light (redemption). He placed his bet on the wrong horse, as they say. And without a Vala to guide him, he’s lost. Because that's how he was created to be. And while he flees Eregion, he takes Galadriel back to when she was drowning in the Sundering Seas (and he saved her), to drive home just how much she, actually, needs him.

We have a double-edged blade over here. 

Mairon's explosive reaction also goes back to what he said to Galadriel in 1x05: “You don’t know what I did before I ended up on that raft. And when these people discover it, they will cast me out. And so will you.” Galadriel rejecting him in 1x08 represents the confirmation of Mairon’s worst fear: he’s not worthy of redemption.

In fact, he should have stayed in Númenor instead of following Galadriel's pride and ambition. His first deception ("King of the Southlands") caused a snowball of errors and bad choices for Mairon, and caused him to fall back into evil and embrace his "Sauron" persona in Season 2.

And Galadriel, should have “let it lie” as Mairon himself told her on the raft, and every other time he begged her to leave him alone, because she couldn't fix his suffering, no matter how strong her will or her pride. In truth, what she really wanted to "fix" (heal) was herself, like I've talked about in Part I.

In the end, they both chose power over the light, and they both "failed the test".

Is there any way these two could have worked out? 

We know, upfront, that Galadriel and Mairon are doomed by the narrative (peak doomship). Not only he ends up becoming the new Dark Lord with plans of enslaving every race on Middle-earth to his will, but Galadriel is one of his primary adversaries on that endevadour. And, yet, they never fight each other in the flesh. And Season 2 might have provided an explanation for that. 

A lot of them bonding together in Season 1 was due to their shared traumas and hopes (redemption, healing the darkness within, etc.), but the way they looked at each other on their first encounter in the Sundering Seas might suggest these two could have end up sharing a attraction/connection, either way. 

Moving forward and up until Galadriel returns to Valinor at the end of “Return of the King”, there is little chance for these two to actually reconcile (unless Galadriel goes dark). The only way for them to get a “second change” was if Mairon accepted to face the judgement of the Valar, at the end of it all and after the One ring gets destroyed, and for them to be reunited in Aman (they are immortal spirits, after all).

Halbrand aka Repentant Mairon is gone, and I don’t think he will make another appeareance (unless it’s in flahsbacks). And this is very clear in the “last temptation” scene in 2x08: Sauron doesn’t even remember how Halbrand looks like. And, as Sauron goes deeper and deeper into evil, more “polished” and “glamorized” his looks will be, because his love for beauty is getting corrupted into vanity.

The only way Galadriel and Mairon could have worked out is if she had said “yes” to him, really. And this “what if” or “what could have been” will probably haunt Galadriel forever (she still remembers Mairon’s words when speaking to Frodo), because, in Season 2, we were told that Elven memories do not dim.

[jxsterr]

i just might not be in the right circles but i don’t think we realise just how fucked up puppet zelda was for link to have to encounter. like the one thing that stuck out to me SPECIFICALLY was the crisis at hyrule castle questline that has link hopelessly run around after something that looks like zelda and sounds enough like her but you know there’s something deeply wrong. it was enough to disturb me when i played through it, just how close her voice was to being correct but being too solemn, being just a little too wispy, too repetitive. there’s so many things about the way she speaks that’s only a little bit off, something that a man like link, blinded and delusional by grief, would miss. he’d know deep down in his gut something is wrong, it sounds so much like her but nothing like her at the same time. every time she beckons for him his chest tightens and he feels sick and he doesn’t know why, but he does deep down. he knows this isn’t her, can’t be her, or that if it is something is deeply wrong and both outcomes are less than desirable. it’s so fucked up because realistically he isn’t going to know if he’s ever going to see her again. for all he knows she could remain wandering the putrid soils of the depths for the rest of time, but here her corpse is, being paraded around as if she truly was zelda when she’s nothing but an imposter in the skin of his lover.

so he runs and runs and fights tooth and nail for her and continuously gets close enough to just about touch her but then she disappears and almost taunts him, tells him she’s waiting and he’s growing frustrated because goddess why won’t you just stay put and let me come to you?? i’m coming, i’m trying but you keep running from me. please stop running from me. his mind is begging, pleading for her, screaming i need you i need you like a lost child because he is without her. he’s lost and a shell of the man he used to be, she is his other half and without her he’s downright nonfunctional. and despite the heartbreak of her constantly disappearing he still keeps trying, keeps following her and grows more and more desperate because he’s so close and now they’re in the sanctum and she’s stopped and maybe this is his chance so he takes a step forward and she’s doing it again. she’s taunting him, dancing around him while all he can do is turn around aimlessly in an attempt to follow her. but even then he doesn’t stop for a moment to think if this is zelda, what she’s doing is cruel because he’s far too hung up on the possibility of her being with him again he doesn’t even stop to get upset at her, doesn’t question why she’s torturing him and keeps his focus on getting to her. it’s things like this that show you why zelda has so much trust that he will be able to defeat ganondorf because he’s never stopped chasing after her and saving the world for her and he never will. she could fall and he would catch her, she could die and he would save her, she could be a husk of who she once was and he would still love her. it’s undying loyalty, unwavering love and determination to make sure she’s okay because to him, zelda is everything.

but then she stops and gets so close he could walk over there and hold her again but it’s a lie. it all was. it’s nothing short of desvastating because even though he knew something was awry it still hurts to be proven right. to have scars so painfully ripped open again knowing that he’s back to square one. the emotional turmoil that that must have put him through had to have been insane, if not soul crushing. he’d be inconsolable, sobbing and cursing the very ground ganondorf stood upon to the point where the sages would have to escort him out of the sanctum only for him to fight them because they’re the only people he can take anything out on right now. but it’s not fair because it’s not their fault, and the way that riju hushes him and does her best to speak soothingly while sidon rubs his back makes him feel all the more guilty. so they all stay there, tulin and yunobo on high alert while link is sat on the ground, knees to his chest and weeping because he was so close. he cries and cries until his throat gives out and he’s dehydrated, until sidon has to scoop him up and take him back to lookout landing and he can’t even bear to tell purah what happened but she already knows. nothing breaks through that tough exterior but the dangled hope of zelda’s return being ripped from him. none of the sages want to leave him in this state, so they camp out in lookout landing. tulin does his best to chatter on about all the cool things he’s been doing to stop link from falling completely numb and shutting everything off and it does kind of work, link cracks the slightest of smiles when tulin tells him how he took out an entire monster hideout by himself. he’s lost his world but maybe he can figure out how to keep fighting for her with friends by his side. he’ll just have to see.

[melanatedkink]

Straight to the Point

A/N: I know, I know, the upcoming prompts are getting posted soon. But, I got an epiphany. Enjoy!

Pairing: ProHero! Izuku x Pro Hero! Y/N

Summary: Y/N is a bit insecure about dating Deku. Not because of his career. Not because of his popularity. But because he's Deku. And why would Deku truly want Y/N?

Warnings: throat fucking, affirmations, feral fucking, dry humping, gender neutral as possible, drunk sex, brat Y/N

As the alcohol slowly began to wear off, Izuku, known as Deku to anyone who knew him back in highschool, was beginning to think you had enough. See, you weren't a very cheerful person outside of this party. You were pretty solitary, with a resting bitch face to match. You kept most of your opinions flat and honest, despite the person's demeanor or closeness. You hadn't time to beat around the bush. Because people made you uncomfortable. And the less you had to be around them, the better.

However, Izuku was beginning to think you had a doppleganger. Maybe even a secret twin. Or maybe he wasn't seeing straight, or less sober than he imagined. Because here you were, raising a glass for the new year of Japanese heroes. You were absolutely radiant, talking amongst your friends, and hiding that pretty smile behind a hand, even as you were howling with joy. He didn't know you could look like this. It was beautiful in every sense of the word.

You finally spotted Izuku amongst your boisterous posse and beckoned him over. He smiled softly and joined you, mainly to keep you steady. You announced to everyone that he was indeed your boyfriend and that you loved him more than anything. "More than this stupid party!" if he could quote you directly. That earned some cheers and whistles from the crowd. After that, Izuku scooped you up and kissed away your protests.

After the party, he laid you on the couch and went to get some water. You had begun to sober up on the way back, and you were showing signs of exhaustion. And when you were tired, you needed him more than usual. Whereas the sober you would simply invade his space with a hug, or just flopping over him, the drunk you would try to convince Deku to let you touch him.

"Deku, I'm tired. Do I have to drink water, now?" you complained.

"Yes, my love," he called back from the kitchen.

You waited a beat before saying, "Can you feed me?"

"Have your arms stopped working, love?" He teased, with every intention to feed you, anyway.

Izuku came back to the couch with a glass of water in hand. He plopped down, and guided your chin upward with a couple fingers.

"Open up," he coaxed as he lifted the glass to your lip. He paid attention as the water filled your cheeks before pulling away.

You wondered aloud," Say, you know how I'm your girlfriend, right?"

Deku nodded, "Mmmyeah I recall that little development, why?"

"So, would you say that there are some things I get to ask for that others don't?"

Deku squinted, "Are you getting at something?"

"Well, yeah just...give me a second..." you straighten up as you formulate your next sentences in your head, "Can we...I...I want to...suck it,"

Deku froze. Was this the same person who was toasting randoms just a few hours ago? The same one who was giggling through his kisses as he ushered you to the limo? Not like asking wasn't out of your wheelhouse, but you normally never had to. Just your kiss and your hands were enough to get him thinking about taking your clothes off.

He took a sip of your water, "Really? Now? I mean, are you okay to...?"

You nodded, "I really want to, is all. I haven't been around you all night, and I want to."

Deku chewed his lip. He really didn't want to risk taking advantage of you when he knew that neither of you were completely sober. He sighed, "What's our safe word?"

"Apple," you replied without hesitation.

And with that, he started you off with a kiss. His hand curved against your jawline, turning your face so he could kiss you deeply. You sighed. Something about finally being united with Deku felt like a relief. You traced the outline of his ear, journeying down his neck with your fingertips. You felt him shudder against your lips, which made you smile. You teased under the collar of his dress shirt, before sneaking behind to undo his cute little bowtie.

He groaned against your lips and hauled you onto his lap. As you opened your mouth to protest, Deku caught your bottom lip between his teeth. If you wanted to suck him off, he was sure to use your body for some extra kindling. While he teased you with light kisses over you lips and chin, Deku's hands slid down to your waist. He shifted his hips, encouraging you to grind against him. He swore under his breath as you got the message. You placed the perfect amount of pressure against his length. He just had to break away to watch you. Your brows knitted together as you focused between your legs, rather than his face. You knew that if you looked up, you might change your mind and beg for his mouth instead.

Deku slowly unbuttoned his shirt in front of you, making your cheeks run hot. It wasn't fair how gorgeous your man was. Especially when just taking off his shirt. He planted his hands on the couch and rolled his hips upward. His pretty lip hung open as he panted. Then you realized he was testing your resolve. Of course the man who would drop to his knees at a moment's notice would tease you into letting him do it again. Reluctantly, you pressed your palms into his bare chest and swung your leg off him. He chuckled and slowly got off the couch.

"You tease," you muttered.

He smirked, "Just making sure you know what you want,"

He said that as he undid his belt, a little too slowly for your liking. You took over, unbuttoning his pants and shimmying his slacks and underwear off his hips. Just seeing him flop out of his clothes nearly made you fold right then. But you shook off and rubbed your hands on your legs to warm them up before picking him up. He throbbed in your hand at first contact. Deku hissed behind his knuckle.

"Still cold?" you asked.

"A little,"

That's what you get you little... You let some spit fall from your lips, which helped you stroke him much easier. He moaned at the feeling. You brought your other hand to help jerk him off as he was that thick. You continued with your hands until the first sign of precum dripped onto your legs. You finally graced his tip with your tongue.

As the rough pad of your tongue drug over his sensitive tip, Deku found himself breathless. He held tightly to the arm of the sofa, clenching everytime you accepted another inch into your mouth. His head rolled from side to side as his groans turned into whimpers. He typically found himself adhering to your pleasure. Even as you blamed him for being unfair, he couldn't help but prioritize you. It was safe to say that everytime you went down on him, it hit a reset button in his brain and forced his body to take over. And with that, his needs were voiced.

"Baby, run your nails down my thighs. Mmh like that. Just like that. Make me remember how good you are, how good this feels-" his demands broke off into a guttural moan as you did what he asked.

In the end, you really wanted his touch. And you wanted him to feel good. Anything he could ask for would be granted. And then some. Because you loved him. After a particularly deep push down your throat, Deku stuttered and pulled himself out of your mouth.

"F-fuck...baby wait."

"Wait for what?" you asked, sweetly, "You wanna come, right?"

You neared his throbbing length again, this time with light kisses and kitten licks. Deku pushed back his hair, becoming mesmerized at your display.

He let out a nervous laugh, "Baby, are you tryna tell me something?"

You shrug as you tease, "I dunno...maybe I just wanna give my man a reason to choose this more often...or maybe choose me more often?"

Confusion colored his face, "What? Oh....I get it," He knelt down to look you straight in the eye, "That's why you staked your claim at that party. And why you're sucking my dick like you have something to prove. You want me. Right?"

Scarily enough, he was right on the money. All you could do was nod.

"But Y/N," His voice took a mischeivous undertone as he whispered, "You already have me."

You stuttered as he rose up to his full height. It was hard to think as he literally dangled right in front of your lips. But his next words made it easy for you to comprehend. Deku curled his thick fingers over the back of your head while you opened your mouth to take him.

"Take a breath sweetheart, and be loud for me,"

With that, Deku began to inch back and forth, using only his hips and his hands to control his pleasure. Your nose finally tickled his pelvic bone, and he held you there for good measure.

"Fuuuck, you feel so fucking good," He began to rut his hips against your face. His length kept tap tap tapping at the back of your throat. He swooned in pleasure while you were surprised at the sounds he was drawing out of you.

"Oh if i had known you missed me this much, I'd let you do this much more often. Uhn cause it's only you, baby. I only fucking. choose. you." He stated with each thrust, "Who do I choose?"

Deku pulled out just enough for you to meekly answer, "Me,"

He slid in a out, repeating his question, "That's right, say it again. Who do I choose?"

"Me,"

"Who's mine right now?"

"Me,"

"Who's gonna be mine forever?"

"M-me,"

"And who is gonna make me fucking come!"

He didn't have to pull out for you to answer that one. Deku had inadvertently driven himself up the wall. He could barely move his hips when he reunited himself with your throat. He flexed over and over, while you dug your nails into his hips. His dick came out slick with spit and come; the sign of a job well done.

He plopped down on the couch, with you laying between his thighs, unable to feel your knees enough to join him on the sofa. He caressed your face as he stared aimlessly at the ceiling.

"So, do you really wonder about that?" he whispered, "About me not choosing you?"

You sigh, "We're both heroes. Meaning we have a lot in common. Which is why I love you. But, I know that being in a relationship can be more than a hero needs to bargain for,"

He tilted his head to look at you. Deku slides off the couch and wraps you in a tight hug.

"That's why I love you. Because you're not a part of the job. Or an obligation. You're a choice. One that I love to make, every single day,"

[vaguely-concerned]

it probably says something either sad or deeply unfortunate about me as a person, but I'm darkly amused to see some people react to the reveal of the ultimate permeability of souls in tlt as a triumphant thing -- the "you can't take 'loved' away!!!" side of it all -- when my first reaction was such an immediate wave of 'oh, oh so this is why this series is horror, I truly understand now' distress haha. ngl the final confirmation of the self not being inviolable in the deepest way freaks me the fuck out far more than any moment of body horror in the series has managed. (these two elements are of course the two sides of one thematic coin; it's about the horror of our bodies and minds and selves not being inviolable things, and about the effect of violence on them on so many different levels. violence psychological and interpersonal, physical, subtextually sexual, emotional, medical, political, a whole unlovely smörgåsbord of indignity and violation a person can be exposed to, and on a broader scale the spectrum of violence colonialism wields). The world and other people being capable of leaving indelible marks on us for good or ill through their presence in our lives is of course a pretty self-evident demonstrable truth in the real world, but somehow having it be proven metaphysically just uh. Fucks me up! 

It also drives home to me just how perfectly Muir has captured the dilemma at the heart of human connection and intimacy: the fact that the thing that gives us life and meaning is also capable of harming us so deeply. the same thing that can be so beautiful — even in a bittersweet, violently transformative form like with the creation of Paul — when done mutually and consensually and compassionately, is the same process that means someone like John can touch someone else's soul and 'after he's put his fingers on something, you'll never find anyone else's fingerprints on it; too much noise'. I think the text itself — the whole series, because to me this is what it is ultimately about, this tension between individuation/self vs. love/connection/enmeshment — is far more ambivalent in its treatment of it than saying it’s inherently a good thing or inherently a bad thing. The only thing it says for sure is that it is always a thing, that thinking you’re ever getting away from it is the height of futility, and that through being alive (or even through being dead lol) it is something you have to engage with in some way no matter what. Contact with other people is deeply necessary — without it we sicken and die. it can be the most beautiful and meaningful thing in a human life, and the most unspeakably horrific. All of these people are searching for some way to be whole, whether in total self-contained sufficiency on their own or in melding with someone else as their ‘other half’, and stumbling around in the dark they reach for each other and score deep wounds into the thing they’re trying to touch even when they don’t mean to. Taken to horrific extremes with the form of lyctorhood John guided his disciples to when they were ‘children — playing in the reflections of stars in a pool of water, thinking it was space’, because while people hurt each other all the time with differing levels of intentionality behind it, what John did was deliberate. It weaponizes the misapprehension of what closeness must be and destroys everyone involved in the process… and all because it leaves John the one sun their ruined lives have left to orbit around, because that’s the closest thing his soul will allow to connection. He doesn’t understand that to truly touch something you have to truly let it touch you back, and then wonders why he’s never satisfied.   

‘The horrors of love’ has been memed to death, I know, but… yeah. That is what it is, isn’t it.

[beom-pyu]

7 minutes in heaven with txt

txt x gn!reader , tags; pure fluff , sfw , you guys have crushes on each other :3 , kisses ♡ , headcanons , reactions , no warnings

a/n: i'll be writing some headcanons and little drabbles while i work on a new fic hehe :3 it's going to be a long one so i'm not sure how long it'll take since i'm finishing up this semester, but i have everything planned and ready to go! i'm so so excited

(rest of the members after the cut!)

｡ °₊ yeonjun

∙ acts like he isn't affected at all, simply nodding with a tiny smile when the bottle lands on him

∙ but internally, he's like "oh shit oh shit what do i do should i kiss them should i confess what do i do"

∙ surprisingly shy once you two are in the small closet

∙ you're so close to him and he can smell your perfume and his hands are all sweaty and

∙ tries to spark up some small talk, but in the worst ways possible

∙ "so... the weather..."

�� and you're just quietly laughing at him from behind your hand

∙ he's so cute

∙ he pouts at your reaction because he thinks you're making fun of him

∙ "why are you laughing?"

∙ "you're just so cute"

∙ and now he's smiling all dopey and happily

∙ "you think i'm cute?"

∙ already knows your answer but he just wants to hear you say it again

∙ can't stop looking at your lips while you guys playfully talk

∙ you look so pretty and he's been wanting to kiss you for like... ever

∙ so he just blurts out a "can i kiss you?"

∙ your eyes widen at his sudden confidence and for a second, he thinks you're going to reject him because you take so long to answer

∙ but you're just trying not to freak out at the fact that choi yeonjun wants to kiss you

∙ you finally reply with a "please do" and he wastes no time as he presses his lips against yours

∙ one of his hands rests on your hip while the other holds your chin to tip your head up so he can kiss you deeper

∙ you feel drunk even though you haven't had any drinks

∙ your body grows warm as he kisses you and you let your hand come up to rest on his chest

∙ the moment literally feels like a movie

∙ the door suddenly swings open and you quickly pull away as someone screams before running off

∙ "GET A ROOM!"

∙ "huening, they're literally IN a room"

∙ yeonjun groans and rolls his eyes at their antics and you can't stop laughing

∙later that night when you guys are finally alone on the balcony, yeonjun tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, his eyes deeply locked onto yours

∙ "let me make up for the interruption earlier, hm?"

∙ you swear your knees go weak

｡ °₊ soobin

∙ he wants to die

∙ the bottle lands on you and one of the guys bumps his shoulder in a silent congratulations

∙ he's a shy mess, covering his face with his hands after he makes eye contact with you from the other side of the circle

∙ right as you enter the closet, he immediately starts rambling

∙ "listen, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to but i really like you and—"

∙ completely caught off guard when you grab his shoulders to pull him down to your lips

∙ lets out a small surprised noise before you feel his smile, his hands coming to wrap around your waist

∙ starts off as a few pecks before he pulls away slightly to whisper "this is okay, right?"

∙ and you're just like "i kissed you first, didn't i?"

∙ and he laughs quietly and is like "you're right" before he captures your lips again

∙ the kiss is surprisingly passionate

∙ he pulls you in closer with his big hands, thumbs rubbing circles on the small of your back

∙ you play with the hairs on the nape of his neck and he just melts into your touch

∙ his heart is thumping in his chest and he lowkey starts to think he's dreaming

∙ as much as he's imagined kissing you, he never thought it would truly happen so he's on cloud nine

∙ when you guys pull away, he can't stop smiling

∙ pecks your lips a few times with giggles in between because !!!

∙ he needs to make this moment last

∙ comes out of the closet with the goofiest grin on his face

∙ and beomgyu is like "you all owe me 20 bucks" to the other guys because no one believed that he would actually kiss you

∙ you and soobin look at each other before giggling at the entire situation

∙ the fact that you made the first move can stay a secret between the both of you

∙ once you're home, you giggle into your pillow, kicking your feeties as you replay the moment over and over again until you fall asleep

∙ you wake up to a text from soobin saying that he would like to properly take you out (and kiss you again. and again. and again.)

｡ °₊ beomgyu

∙ beomgyu is so smug when you spin the bottle and it lands on him

∙ tries to accuse you of purposefully choosing him and you're just like "?!?!?"

∙ because you were lowkey hoping it landed on him

∙ but he doesn't need to know that because you know he would never shut up about it

∙ a chatterbox as soon as the closet door shuts

∙ "so, what are we supposed to do in here? kiss or something?"

∙ "well, that's what i was hoping for"

∙ beomgyu pauses at your words, his voice growing quieter as he breathes out a "what?"

∙ because under all his joking, he has the fattest crush on you

∙ and he wants to kiss you too

∙ more than he'd like to admit

∙ you get a little shy at the sudden mood change, muttering out an "only if you want to"

∙ beomgyu exhales a laugh, running his fingers through his hair for a second

∙ he notices you start to regret your words, taking a few steps closer to you before he lifts your head with his index finger, a small smile on his lips

∙ "of course i want to"

∙ your eyes are wide as you stare at him and his stomach flips at your gaze

∙ he leans in a little closer, your lips barely touching

∙ you can feel his breath on your skin and your mind grows fuzzy

∙ "may i?" he whispers and you nod quickly in response

∙ with that little smile still on his lips, he kisses you so delicately and holds your chin so softly and time just seems to slow down

∙ his eyelashes tickle your cheeks as his lips move against yours

∙ his free hand laces its fingers with yours, squeezing your hand softly

∙ literally doesn't care when the guys yell the time is up from the other side of the door

∙ he is going to kiss you for as long as he wants

∙ when you finally do leave the closet, beomgyu's hand stays glued to yours

∙ it's not even a shock to everyone else because they secretly set you guys up

∙ calls you once you're home and asks if you'd like to try being something more with him

∙ he doesn't stop thinking about the kiss until he sees you again

｡ °₊ taehyun

∙ he honestly wasn't even into the game at first

∙ so he's surprised when the bottle lands on him

∙ and he's even more surprised when he sees you smiling at him shyly from across the room

∙ it's a little awkward at first seeing as he barely says anything

∙ asks if you're comfortable, if he should scoot over and give you some more room

∙ and you're just like "no no it's okay!"

∙ doesn't show it but his heart is beating so fast

∙ your hands brush and he's just frozen like

∙ he can't believe he's actually in this situation with you

∙ he sparks up some small talk and he's honestly really calm and soft about the entire situation

∙ just loves spending time with you and doesn't want to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do

∙ even though you really want to kiss him

∙ but you're too shy to make a move

∙ and so is he

∙ you guys talk and he's so funny

∙ your stomach hurts from laughing afterward

∙ he's a little blushy when you guys leave the closet

∙ waves off the guys' disappointed comments when they find out you didn't kiss because he doesn't want you to feel awkward

∙ probably chokes out kai when he says "but you told me you wanted to kiss them—"

∙ and now it's your turn to blush

∙ he walks you home after the get-together, and the whole time he's thinking "i should kiss them, i should kiss them, i should kiss them"

∙ so when you reach your doorstep, he quietly calls your name and you can see how shaky his eyes are

∙ and he's just like "is it alright if i kiss you?"

∙ and in your head you're like "YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES"

∙ but instead, you reply with a little "yes" and a cute little nod and he's smiling at you and you're smiling at him and it's just so soft and cute and AAAAA

∙ he steps forward and cups the side of your face, his eyes flickering in between yours for a moment

∙ you can feel the butterflies in your stomach going crazy

∙ his lips are so gentle on yours as if he's trying to express all of his emotions towards you through the kiss

∙ his thumb brushes over your cheek and you feel like you're floating

∙ despite it being short and sweet, you pull away breathless, your heartbeat drumming in your ears

∙ taehyun's face is as red as a tomato and you can't help but to giggle at how shy he looks

∙ he wishes you goodnight with a small smile and you probably do a happy little dance once you shut the door behind you

｡ °₊ hueningkai

∙ when the bottle lands on him, his face is immediately covered in shock

∙ lowkey thinks it's some prank the guys pulled on him because they know how much he likes you

∙ lets out a small "finally" under his breath and one of the guys hears him and they just start cackling

∙ he is sooo nervous and giggly once you're inside the closet

∙ can barely hold eye contact for more than 3 seconds without his heart stuttering

∙ really, really, really wants to kiss you

∙ but he doesn't do anything until you show that you want to kiss him too

∙ you guys sit facing each other in the cramped space, knees touching and he just has that goofy little smile on his face

∙ and you're a little flustered, letting out a "what are you staring at?" with an awkward laugh

∙ and he's just giggles and he's like "you, of course" in a soft voice

∙ and you're just a giggly mess and kai is so obsessed with the sound of your laughter

∙ he looks so cute and you just want to kiss that smile on his face

∙ you don't even realize you said your thoughts out loud until you notice his eyes light up, the tips of his ears glowing red

∙ he squeaks out a "you—you want to kiss me?"

∙ and you can't even deny it so you just bashfully laugh with a small "yeah"

∙ you didn't think it was possible for his smile to grow even wider, his eyes bunching up cutely at your affirmation

∙ he mumbles an "i want to kiss you too" and your face heats up

∙ "then do it"

∙ the kiss is so cute and innocent, you both giggling nervously, your noses brushing at the proximity

∙ his hand comes up to rest on the back of your neck as he leans in, pecking your lips once, twice, before full-on kissing you

∙ your head spins at how carefully he holds you

∙ everything passes by too quick and soon enough your time is up

∙ his face is bright red when he steps out and he tries to play it cool

∙ but he keeps blushing and giggling and looking at you

∙ like he can't believe that actually happened

∙ the guys asks for details but he shoos them off so you don't feel pressured

∙ just an overall sweetheart <3

reblogs are highly cherished!

masterlist

©️BEOM-PYU