#the way this song is about someone who appears respectable in public but is actually from a fucked up upper middle class background...

[thedanceronthestreets]

CAUSE HE GETS UP IN THE MORNING AND HE GOES TO WORK AT NINE AND HE COMES BACK HOME AT FIVE THIRTY GETS THE SAME TRAIN EVERYTIME CAUSE HIS WORLD IS BUILT ROUND PUNCTUALITY IT NEVER FAILS AND HE'S OH SO GOOD HE'S A WELL RESPECTED MAN ABOUT TOWN DOING THE BEST THINGS SO CONSERVATIVELY

[seoul-bros]

Han So-Hee in her own words.

I started writing this when I heard that Han So-Hee was rumoured to appear in Jungkook's upcoming MV for Seven. I love to explore the intersections between the world of kdrama/kfilm (which I have followed for some considerable time) with the world of music and BTS (which is a much newer love).

I haven't seen her in many roles but what I have seen convinces me she is someone who is working on her craft and constantly looking for ways to improve and deliver more for her audience.

After seeing her first in a supporting role in Abyss (2019), I've seen her with Song Kang in Nevertheless (2021) where she plays a sculpture student in a much more Bohemian world than we generally see in kdramas and then in My Name (2021) where she played a revenge seeking bad ass. She had to do a lot of physical training for the part and said that it was a habit that stayed with her.

"If I get hooked on something, I’m the type to do it no matter what anyone around me says. That’s one of the things I like about myself."

She isn't your average Korean actress. When she published photos of herself with tattoos she received a lot of public criticism in Korea but she has a clear philosophy to life which she is determined to stick to.

"I want to live youthfully while wearing, eating, and expressing what I like. As long as I don’t stray away from what’s ethical and moral, I want to live while expressing myself freely. Instead of being passive, I hope others also find their own spark and color to shine."

She loves and respects other women.

"There are so many cool unnis. I think people who live their life doing what they want are cool. ..........., since you only live one life, I want people to live while doing what they want. These days, I think people like that are the coolest."

She is serious about the people in her life and she is ready to express her love and support publicly. She is close to Song Hye Kyo and they often post for each other on Instagram. When Song Hye Kyo won the Baeksang Arts Best Actress Award for The Glory this year she was quick to post her congratulations on Instagram.

The two were set to star in the The Price of Confession together, that project seems to have been shelved but their relationship is still going strong. Song Hye Kyo recently sent a coffee truck to the set of Han So Hee's latest project Gyeongseong Creature.

Isn't it nice to see women supporting each other perhaps certain parts of the fandom could take a lesson from that.

I've seen people online compare Han So-Hee to Jungkook and having read her words, I don't think they are wrong. Both are unconventional individuals living in a strictly conformist society. Both are proud of what they call their stubbornness which I actually think is more about their being determined to live an authentic life on their own terms. Both seek to express publicly the love and support they have for the important people in their life. As such I think she is a good choice as a co-star for this music video.

It won't be her first time appearing in a Kpop MV. She appeared in SHINee's video for 'Tell me what to do' in 2016......

.....and to be honest if she is appearing in JK's video I hope he gives her more to do. It seems such a waste of a good actress to have her just strike a pose.

Quotes taken from Allure Magazine Interview as reported online.

Post Date: 04/07/2023

[mysticstarlightduck]

for the ask game: 🧠 ?

Thank you so much for the ask, @ray-writes-n-shit!

🧠Telepathy: How much does your OC care about what other people think of them? How far would they go to make sure people had the right opinion of them?

Jack (Supernova Initiative) - Jack doesn't typically care about the opinions of strangers and people he doesn't know well. He is usually the "I do my own thing, why worry about pleasing strangers" kind of guy, and is generally really chill about it. HOWEVER, as a Team Leader and full-time older brother, Jack cares a lot about the opinion his team and his little sister have of him, mostly in an "I've gotta be strong, got to be reliable, have to set a good example and be confident. They need to think I'm okay. Everything's fine, they shouldn't have to worry about me" kind of way, as in he puts their needs so far above his own that he fears that even taking a break during stressful situations or being vulnerable would be "failing them" or something similar. The worst thing is that he is so good at hiding what he feels that his team genuinely thinks he is totally fine (when he is actually just really good at faking it), even though they would be super kind and understanding to him if he told them the truth, he doesn't allow himself to be what he considers "weak" because he thinks that would be "selfish" of him. So. Serious self-esteem and communication issues right there.

Quinn (The Last Wrath) - As a courtesan and entertainer to the high nobility of the Morosyn Empire, Quinn's life usually centers around his ability to keep up appearances and had a "social mask" if you will. Especially in a world where secrets are as deadly as weapons. So, Quinn is extremely good at upholding a certain "persona" in public, the masquerade he puts up for others so that no one ever knows what is truly underneath and so that no one can ever blackmail him. He doesn't care about what others think of him in an "I measure my self-worth according to their reactions to me" kinda way, but more in a "If I'm not careful enough and say the right thing I might end up dead" kind of way. Especially with the war and espionage going on during the story of TLW.

Kane (Song of Thorns) - Kane cares SO MUCH about what others think of him. He cares IMMENSELY. He suffers from a bad mix of perfectionism, trauma, and Impostor Syndrome, which he counters with an arrogant and cocky persona of what he considers to be the "perfect knight". He wants to be seen and respected, he wants to be admired. He wants to never, ever make a single mistake again after what a mistake cost him in the past. He is actually someone who is secretly insecure and thinks that nobody would ever like the "true him" so he creates an image of the "perfect Kane", the alter ego he thinks he needs to be. Throughout the story he grows and learns to practice more self-love and that he doesn't need to change who he is to be worthy of respect, but OH BOY does it take a while.

[firespirited]

I think Dolly Parton is a brilliant singer songwriter and performer. She made her way in a music scene and a society that didn't respect women. But I don't like the way Dolly Parton runs Dollywood and her lack of political action (unless we find out she donates to actual leftists or runs an abortion underground railroad or something) . And I really can't stand "Dolly Parton" the persona, the huge hearted giver of folksy poverty advice that appears on TV. I love her work but totally cringe when she's called to play a magical whimsical godmother to all. I don't wish to harsh anyone's mellow about her, she's played delightful characters, she's a hard-working career woman who doesn't use her public.

I know It's not fair to hold her to higher standards to any other artists and yet. Dolly playing everyone's best friend and ally "Dolly" gets on my nerves. It usually involves some anecdotes about how she grew up dirt poor and that makes people have to be creative and resilient. Yeah and some don't make it and you could make sure your employees never have to feel the cold and rrrrrgh. Irrational annoyance not even at the woman herself but the weird pedestal society put her on.

So seeing her as a revered icon in a sci fi about the future was jarring. On one hand, she's tacitly taking a political position for trans and gender identity rights IRL by appearing in this episode which is huge. Dollywood probably won't have pro trans policies but as a quiet declaration, it's still not nothing.

On the other hand, in the story, her advice was as about as good as a fortune cookie saying "trust your heart" or "take one step then think about the next" and not very respectful of the fact she was dealing with a woman fighting for her people's lives against a violent state facing a complex ethical dilemma: one life for many. I really don't think that's the time to talk about your momma's can-do attitude. It's time to say "that sucks, that's an awful position to be in. would you like someone to bounce your options and potential moves off until you can see more clearly?" or even "that's rough honey, can I give you a song and a hug?"

IDK it was a complicated episode. Lots of issues to unpack: we fought for this teen's agency to get surgery for herself but now the teen's agency to join an activist group for her people against her repressive nation is in question? The father who lost sight of the mission and potentially endangered his daughter due to a need for vengeance. The diplomatic channels that were presented as the 'right thing' when they've been comfortable with human rights abuses before, it was just setting up these women to be failed by state apparatus. And they would have been if it wasn't for the last minute miracle evidence beyond evidence even though there was already plenty of evidence.

It's a good episode if I'm still thinking about it later, very good if I'm poking holes in the story writing.

The Orville new horizons has become quite the excellent sci-fi. I really hope McFarlane has enough dirt on studio execs to get another season made. Committing to the android staying aromantic was bold. Tackling the trans hot topic via intersex issues was bold. They even pulled a "Tuvix" ethical right that sure felt wrong with the time travel episode.

Now if Dolly could set the terms for the conglomerate that runs Dollywood and demand the right to unionize, living wages, healthcare and full anti discrimination policies regardless of what Tennessee laws may be passed, I'll open a shrine to Dolly Parton. Tacit just isn’t enough when your former poverty and status as gay icon is going to be part of your identity and selling points. I do hope she made bank on that vaccine though, excellent investment.

[dearweirdme]

I don’t get it. One minute it’s TKK are loud and don’t care what anyone thinks, the next minute Tae is in an (over a year at this point) PR relationship with someone who is at this point almost as equally famous as him. What would be the point in that logically? And does this mean the leaked personal photos were also part of this alleged PR situation? Really? Those were all staged were they?

Who is behind the PR stint and who benefits from it? Why would BH need to venture outside of BTS for publicity. They’re the biggest boy group in the world. Why would YG need to venture outside of black pink for publicity? They’re the biggest girl group in the world.

Really think about it. With logic. It doesn’t make sense. Taehyung said get out of your imagination years ago. And K-TKKers practically ceased to exist after that. But you international lot won’t listen to him.

You really think Holland is going through all the hell he’s going through to fight for LGBT rights in his country just for an alleged (who you think) LGBT person from the same country and the biggest group in the world to agree to being in a fake hetero PR relationship to then set the movement a million steps back?? You don’t respect TH or JK

Hi anon!

Okay, I’ll do this one. Not digging the hostile undertone, but hey at least there’s no name calling 🙄. I’ll tell you about my thoughts about these things.

Tae cares about his future and therefore there will always be some things they have to be careful about. Tae and Jk will not be able to walk hand in hand, they won’t be able to kiss in public, they won’t be able to be romantic in public. But the speculation doesn’t seem to bother them much.

There are several reasons for a pr-relationship, not all have to do with promotion actual movies or music… it’s broader than that. It’s pr for the person as a whole as well. Stars can be as huge as they can get, they also are quick to fall if nothing ever happens after their rise to stardom. Beyonce still does pr, Justin Bieber still does pr, Ariana Grande still does pr… the Kardashians are nothing but pr. Sometimes someone uses their real life as pr, selling wedding-pics or footage for instance. Miley Cyrus using her split from Liam Hemsworth to promote new music is a fairly recent example. Some times things are being kept vague, like Taylor Swift and the songs that are supposedly about her famous ex boyfriends… it keeps the attention where they want it. Other times stuff is faked, co-stars dating… collaborating artists dating, etc.. when a relationship or rumors start at the beginning of working together, but end directly after it’s probably not real. It’s an open secret in showbizz; journalists know, celebrities know, showhosts know.. it’s why debates about this even exist. Magazines will even headline with: Celeb A is dating Celeb B, are they real or fake?

A lot of times pr-stunts will happen to directly promote something. Some times though, they will happen to distract from a situation or to hide something. Kim K dating Pete Davidson for instance to me looks like diverting from the Kanye mess. There’s several queer artist who have dated straight to keep up appearances. They have admitted to having been adviced it would be better for their careers. I don’t know why you feel this wouldn’t eventually happen in Kpop. Especially with BTS and BlackPink being so famous all over the world. South Korea and especially Kpop is catching up. I’m sure a lot of South Koreans will buy this, this way of marketing is new to them.

Every celeb does pr. Jennie wants to get bigger and stay on top. She’s trying to break into the acting world maybe, and… competition is always ready to take their spot. Taehyung is going solo, which is new territory and he or their company might feel he needs the publicity for this phase in his career. I think the biggest reason is him having to join the army though. Having a public girlfriend so close to him enlisting gives him the best cover and keeps him safe.

Holy shit the whole things is as set up as can be. Tae just happens to follow a non-member on Insta and coincidentally it’s not someone random but it’s his secret girlfriend who is also Jennie from BlackPink. Jennie’s personal pictures leak and coincidentally the only pic we can clearly see Tae’s face is the one he isn’t actually physically with her. Also… how do pics get leaked? Why did only Jennie’s pics leak, what did she do different from other celebs that made her pic with coincidentally Tae on them leak? Then they start wearing matching jewelry (something couples do to show they are together, yet Tae could hardly look at her at Harry’s show because it has to be a secret (oh no not a dating scandal) only to be spotted together very publicly just a couple of weeks later. Coincidentally with unclear pics, except the one with only Tae. 🙄🙄🙄 Very conveniently their respective companies have no comments.

I don’t know a lot about Holland, but from what I’ve seen he is very brave. One person being brave doesn’t mean another has to be equally brave though. Everyone has the right to deal with their closet the way they seem best for themselves. Situations differ, people differ… one man’s road doesn’t have to be every man’s road.

So yes, I think there’s reasons for both Tae, Jennie and their companies to want this. Everyone has something to gain by it. From your reaction I gather this is new to you, I can guarantee it is not new to the world.

[smiletimeisrunningout]

CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE !!

Tagged by: took it from the man Emma is apparently courting @johngravessimcoe

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it

✧･ﾟ ��𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄.

doing the historical version

Name: Emma (of the White Kingdom)

Alias(es): Swan (derogatory), Princess Charming (affectionate)

Gender: female (she/her).

Orientation: Tragically straight.

Age: 28+

Date of birth: November 23th

Place of birth: White Kingdom, Mysthaven, Europe.

Spoken language(s): English, Italian, Greek, Spanish, French, bit of German (she has a thing for languages so I don't exclude her learning more at random)

Occupation(s): princess, potentially bounty-hunter/knight if she loses her throne. Wife. Heartbreaker.

★ ⸻ APPEARANCE

Eye colour: green. There is some golden in them apparently?

Hair colour: blonde.

Height: 5''44

Other: whatever she's wearing she's going to make it just a bit inappropriate to show off. LOTS of scars. The one along her spine forces her to cover her back at all times (maybe that's why she's so okay showing the front?), very appreciative of her own hair, it's always down and curled up. Freckles! Which she hides under her makeup because boys made her self-conscious about them.

★ ⸻ FAVORITE

Colour: red, golden (white for clothes only).

Song: she's a Disney princess, she'll love and sing anything like she's about to get the golden buzzer.

Food: food being her one true love, it's hard to peak, but steak with potatoes and chocolate go hand in hand.

Drink: at this point I think gin.

★ ⸻ HAVE THEY...

Passed university: let's say she's more of a jock type. Tutors may have cried. Either she can memorize insanely hard stuff because it's important to her or she will spend five days trying to read a chapter of King Liar and fall asleep every time.

Had sex: way too much.

Had sex in public: yes if by in public you mean where she could get caught because people were nearby.

Gotten pregnant/someone else pregnant: not in the historical verse, but some day she'd like a bunch of kids. She'll probably have one max two at this point.

Kissed a boy: hell yes.

Kissed a girl: nope.

Gotten tattoos: not yet.

Gotten piercings: no.

Been in love: yep once with a man who absolutely destroyed her in every possible way and now lives like 30 minutes away.

Stayed up 24+ hours: yes. she doesn't like it.

★ ⸻ ARE THEY...

A virgin: not only she's not but she initiated and controlled her first time with the same bastard who broke her and who wasn't actually ever going to try to go that far with her.

A cuddler: desperately so.

A kisser: could spend hours just doing that.

Scared easily: no and sometimes she SHOULD.

Jealous easily: not exactly. she's jealous of her role (she'd be terribly offended if someone who knows her asked another lady to punch someone), and she expects her relationships to be respected by others (meaning somebody is getting punched if they don't) but otherwise she's like 'yeah I know he's awesome, he's also mine :D '

Submissive: she was submissive ONCE in her life with the ex and it broke her, so never again. Terrified to going back to that, though.

Dominant: In the bedroom, yes. In her job, yes. In a relationship? She wants to agree on things.

In love: in teror of falling in love.

Relationship status: spinster

★ ⸻ RANDOM QUESTIONS

Have they harmed themselves: not purposefully, besides the time when she punches or kicks things that she shouldn't.

Thought of suicide/ideated: yes.

Attempted suicide: considered it from a place where she could and then didn't.

Wanted to kill someone: several people. Then in some cases did.

Have/had a job: same answer of above.

Fears: being in a romantic relationship. Being in love and getting heartbroken. Falling into depression again. Losing her kingdom because of depression. Being submissive and humiliating herself again. People staying with her out of pity again. Losing her loved ones.

Sibling(s): None.

Parent(s): King David (Charming) and Queen Mary Margaret, alive and disgustingly in love.

Children: none

Children in history: yes if by history we mean canon. Henry and Hope.

Significant other(s): considering arranging a marriage.

Pet(s): her evil murderous horse Apple. Whatever animals she finds and brings home. She only doesn't have a dog because she knows she'd stay by the dog's side from birth to death.

[shoheiakagi]

Okay, I'm back with a couple questions for the Band/Celebrity AU! again, just because I had some ideas! First one - we all know celebrities get their crazy fans and sometimes even unhinged ones. How do the boys deal with the crazy, rabid fans? And how would they deal with the girls getting a stalker, one who sends either threatening or really uncomfortable letters and who knows way more about them than they should?

The guys are known to be vulgar, carefree, and explicit. So unlike male jpop idols, they’re not discreet with letting their fans know that they’re out there getting laid. But like any musical groups with handsome boys, a good chunk of their fanbase is filled with unhinged and delusional fangirls. Chitose obviously breaks the rules by sleeping with some fans and hanging around groupies, which Kusanagi has to do some heavy damage control by having those girls sign a NDA.

Kaoru and Miyako actually don’t get caught with their respective boyfriends, considering that Bandou and Dewa are a lot more careful with their privacy compared to Shouhei and Chitose. Before Izumi gets caught by the media, a lot of their stalkers already knew about her situationship with Chitose and would drop cryptic hints and blurred pictures online. Sakuno would get hate comments on her ig posts bc she apparently stalks Shouhei and wants attention by posting similar clothes/locations as him. It gets even crazier when someone manages to hack into Izumi’s private account and leak pictures she never posted before, including some nudes she sent to Chitose 😔

But other than the delusional fangirls, a good chunk of their fanbase hate the girls bc to them, the girls represent everything the boys stand against. For every blood, sweat, and tears the boys spent to make their music, those girls would just be sitting around and look pretty while someone else writes their songs, which ends up becoming a hit. So even when some couples are caught or go public, the two fanbases are still at war, with a good chunk of the boys’ fans in denial or slutshaming the girls 🙄🙄

Finding themselves partially responsible for the fanwars since they’ve made some shady comments about the girls before, the boys take it upon themselves to fix this mess. Some of the more vocal ones are not afraid to set boundaries and tell the fans off for harassing the girls. Shouhei has to go on ig live and confirm that yes, he’s dating Sakuno and no, it’s not mediaplay nor is she holding him hostage. Chitose makes a post where he’s outright threatening legal action against the hacker who leaked Izumi’s pics and other stalkers, making sure everyone knows not to fuck with them. The guys are making more public appearances with the girls (even the ones that are just friends), so that their fans get used to seeing them together and learn how to suck it up. While it doesn’t stop all of the fanwars, there is a noticeable decrease in harassing comments toward the girls

[tswift]

hi so i’m never usually the person to send anon asks especially not to be like…. “arguing” or otherwise stirring up unnecessary drama and certainly not to make anybody feel bad, but i wanted to give some of my perspective on the whole anti hero mv scale issue, if you might let me. i def wanna make it clear that im not looking to be a jerk or say that you or anyone else is wrong or whatever at all. i do respect your perspective on this and i hope that’s clear throughout this!!

anyway i’m not the best person to speak on the issue from this side but ive spent a lot of time today trying to understand why people are taking issue with that part of the mv because admittedly, i definitely don’t feel right about it and ive wanted to get other peoples opinions, esp those who are the most impacted by the video. to me, it seems like people are less trying to call taylor fatphobic or cancel her or whatever, but rather they’re pointing out that the creative decision she made plays into fatphobia. no matter how you look at it, even when we consider her struggles with body image and eds and horrid experiences w the media and fans etc in this sense, it still doesn’t erase the narrative being perpetuated (or i’ll say implied because to be fair, we can’t know exactly what she meant or how she meant it) that being fat is bad, or that it takes away from your worth, etc. i am positive that she never would have put this out there intentionally, knowing that it can potentially be deeply harmful. however, that doesn’t change the fact that there are seemingly a considerable amount of people who were somehow hurt by this portrayal.

i’ve seen plenty of people of all body types with varying opinions here, but personally i do fear that it would be very harmful to just ignore and write off the voices of actual fat people who are saying that they feel hurt, or upset, or angry, or disappointed. even if we happen to disagree, it’s unfair to not even attempt to understand where they’re coming from and empathize with them here.

i’m sorry to bug you with this, but i hope that we can all kinda try to empathize with and understand each other a little more here. i’ve heard a lot from people with this particular viewpoint and i’m totally open to the other side as well :) i hope you’re having a great release day!!

Hi there! I must admit I was tempted to not read this because it's so long and I'm exhausted but you were super polite and thoughtful so I had to answer!

I've also spent a lot of time on twitter today reading various perspectives on her use of the word "fat." And I agree, that the video does reinforce that the word "fat" is something that should be viewed as derogatory.

HOWEVER, this is an extremely personal and vulnerable song that is about her individual experience. I think one of the reasons she really stressed the nature of this song is probably due to the scale scene where the word "fat" is featured.

I do not believe Taylor is making any kind of statement about being fat, or how we should react to the word. She is instead illuminating how the word was weaponized against her, specifically. And that the media played a huge part in her eating disorder and body dysmorphia.

The scene is basically the "bad" version of herself, the version who hates herself enough to let these very public criticisms of her body bleed into her own self-image. If anything, the scene is telling the audience that using the word "fat" in a derogatory way IS harmful and wrong. She could have easily put "flat ass" or "too skinny" and it would have the same effect. It's the very fact that there are people out there commenting on her body enough to either give her an ED or worsen an eating disorder she already had before becoming famous. We also need to consider how much of the spotlight Taylor is in compared to someone like me or you. You may have two or three people comment on your appearance in a negative way, well she has millions commenting and speculating and criticizing. Fatphobia is extremely prevalent and it was much worse even just five years ago.

But all of this does not change the fact that music is art and it's deeply personal. Not always, but this song is EXTREMELY personal. She did not make a song about the daily struggle of human beings, she made a song about her OWN struggles.

I think it would be disingenuous to the song and Taylor's own experience if she erased or altered it because people may watch it and make the song about themselves. This is a very rare time because this song is not really as universal. Like yes we can relate to having anxiety about our appearance and what people think of us/etc, but this song is specific to Taylor. She should not silence or rewrite her own history and trauma. She should not have to deal with people commenting and judging her on how she chooses to heal. Recovery is a long and winding road.

I hope this made sense. As someone who also has an ED, I did not find the use of the word offensive at all. I actually found it comforting to know that someone else out there feels the pressures of society, a society that tells girls too many harmful things and expects them to just accept it as a fact of life. But the bottom line remains: this is not about me or you. It is about her.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Kickstart My Heart Pt.1 (Racer! Yeosang)

Next>>

Pairing: Racer! Kang Yeosang × Waitress/Fuckgirl! Reader (Female)

Genre: Fluff, Angst, 80s AU.

Summary: During an era known for its vibrant colors, eccentric fashion styles and rise of new yet unconventional genres of music, the young generation of that time was infamously known for their need to rebel and live their lives rather scandalously and Y/N is no exception. So when a new and attractive man moves into her town, she has her eyes set on making him her next boy toy.

Word Count: 4K+

Warnings: Dumb attempts at crackhead humor, reader is a cold hearted bitch, guy gets dumped in public, reader's friend is lowkey creepy.

█ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▃ ▂▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ █

Throwing on the last article of clothing that had been discarded the night before, the young woman shook out her hair, still damp from the quick shower she just took. Picking up her bag, she looked over at the figure still sleeping soundly, the subtle hint of a smile on his face. With a pitied pout on her lips, she walked over to the edge where his face was. Taking out the lipstick tube from her bag, she applied it all over her lips, painting them in the dark burgundy color that she fancied so much and had practically become her signature hue. Bending over, she pressed her lips against the corners of his mouth, giving him the faintest whisper of a kiss before pulling away. A satisfied smirk was plastered on her pretty features as she stared at the lipstick mark on his face, the only memoir she'd leave him with as she had done with countless others.

Closing the front door behind her, she pulled her denim jacket tighter on her body, shivering slightly from the early dawn's breeze that blew across. It was always like that even though summer had just begun, the early morning hours still feeling obnoxiously cool and then transpiring into slightly uncomfortably warm afternoons that had more than one soul in that quaint town grumbling and fussing about the weather. But oh did the evenings feel absolutely refreshing, and that's when everything would start bustling to life.

Having finally made it out of that small residential area and finding one of the main roads that helped her locate where to go, she started heading south towards the all too familiar diner where she had been working in ever since her school days, first starting part time and eventually transpiring to full time when it came time for her to spread her wings and fly out on her own, a feat she had been most anxious to do to get away from the overly controlling nature of her parents. She knew they cared about her, but she herself cared very little about the morals and principles they had raised her with, a common trait all the young people in that town shared: their rebellious and headstrong nature to not conform and go against everything they had been taught thus far. Live their own lives as freely as they chose to do.

And she definitely lived as she wanted to, even if it ended up with a rather bad reputation and ugly labels that rather than infuriate her, she openly embraced, as others had come to as well.

The light twinkle of the bells above the glass door let the person at the register know someone came in and they immediately plastered on their business smile, which quickly faded when they saw who it was.

"You're late Y/N." The minuscule raven haired waitress informed her, eyes never leaving her coworker's figure that came behind the counter and started punching in her number.

"Only by like 7 minutes." She waved her slip at the nonchalant looking girl before placing it back in its respective slot.

"One day it wouldn't surprise me if you just didn't show up because you got too caught up in.... something else."

Chuckling softly, Y/N walked up behind her coworker, hands coming up to ruffle the cheekbone level bob cut hair framing her unusually small face.

"Awww come on Lynn, you know I'd never leave you hanging here to attend customers by yourself. You're my bestie." Y/N assured her, playfully poking her lips out as she tried to place a kiss on her friend, the poor girl craning her neck away as she tended to dislike physical affection.

"I will squirt ketchup on you." Lynn threatened as she picked up the cherry red bottle as a last resort to get her attacker to back away. A rather noisy struggle ensued between both girls, catching the attention of the owner and cook behind the two doors, prompting her to come out and see what was the cause of such ruckus.

"Well I'll be darned. I don't remember paying you youngsters to simply slack off and behave like the hooligans you are." The middle aged woman spoke up, her thick accent becoming more prominent. Although she had a stern look and hands placed at her hips, the girls knew she was not in reality angry at them.

Looking over at the recently arrived girl, the owner closed her eyes and sighed deeply when she took in the attire she was wearing: low cut white tank, ripped denim shorts that left little to the imagination if she bent down, fishnet tights with a few holes in them, and her beloved denim jacket that was almost always on Y/N's body.

"I swear to god, Y/N , everytime I see you wear them rags you call clothes, I feel like my body is about to collapse. Why must you insist on dressing like a common street worker?"

Y/N wasn't at all offended by her words, having grown used to and becoming fond of her boss's abrupt, direct and honest manner of speaking.

"Gotta start looking the part if I'm going to dedicate my life to the occupation." She giggled at her own joke, resulting in the older woman taking the rag off her apron and smacking her with it.

"This little runt, talking nonsense like that- get your ass back in there and change into your uniform. Can't have you prancing around here in those skimpy clothes and have all these men that come here say disrespectful things about you. Nuh uh, not to my girls." She shook her head.

"Yes Miss Audrey." Complying with the woman's wishes, she pushed open the swing doors leading to the back and quickly made her way to the corner where all the employee's cubicles were located. Grabbing the necessary items, she turned and went inside the bathroom to change into her uniform, consisting of a knee length crimson red dress, which she had actually altered so it would be shorter and display her thighs more, the cap sleeves slightly puffed up and the torso part had a trail of white buttons going all the way up to the modest v-neckline, usually most buttons were left undone so her cleavage would shamelessly peak out. Exchanging her black Doc Martens in favor of her white Nike sneakers, Y/N tied her apron around her waist, making sure it was as tight as possible so it would accentuate her curves and give her body a more flattering appearance. As she made her way out, she quickly piled her hair up before securing it with one of the many elastics she kept around her wrists, leaving out a few tendrils to fall on her temples.

Coming back out to start her daily work, she stood in front of Lynn, who merely spared her an unamused glance.

"How do I look?" Y/N asked.

"Like a total slut." Her friend answered in her usually rude way.

Rolling her eyes, Y/N grabbed a spray bottle and a rag. Making her way over to the table that had just finished being used, she quickly picked up the plates and glass, bringing them back over to where Lynn was, who took them so she could wash them in the sink. Spraying the top of the marble piece, she had began her task of wiping down the table when the ringing of the bell signaled new customers had arrived, and rowdy ones at that too.

"Damn! Is today's special fluffy sponge cake? Cause I would sure love a piece of that ass."

Y/N recognized that annoying voice even from miles away, belonging to none other than one of her old classmates, Jung Wooyoung, whom she considered a friend, if he didn't manage to irk her too much. Turning around, she of course wasn't surprised to see him surrounded by his crew of equally idiotic and adrenaline junkie friends, whom she had to admit were pleasant and fun to hang out with.

"Sit your asses down already, I'll be over in a minute to take your order." She told them before resuming her previous task, earning a scoff from the most dramatic of the group.

"Fine customer service! Don't think you'll be getting a tip from me." His words made her nearly burst into a fit of giggles.

"Wooyoung please, you never ever tip whenever you come. None of you, except Yunho." It kinda saddened her that said male unfortunately wasn't there with them at the moment.

"He doesn't tip you, he tips short stack over there." His friend with cat like eyes pointed towards Lynn, who upon overhearing him held up a rather explicit finger in his direction.

"I'll poison your food San." She threatened with a sing song tone.

"Like I wouldn't know that you already spit on it." San spat back, sticking his tongue out in his immature and infantile fashion.

"Can you guys hurry up and order already? I'm starving and we gotta head to the tracks as early as possible." The fiery red haired male known as Song Mingi blurted out, fingers tapping impatiently against the top of the table.

"If little miss g-string would care to hop her luscious ass over here, maybe we could."

Strutting over to where they sat, Y/N harshly threw the dirty rag on Wooyoung's face, causing a faint grunt to come out of his mouth.

"No matter how many times you mention my ass, I'm still not letting you tap it." She firmly stated, making Wooyoung slightly purse his lips outwards in a disappointed grimace.

"So anygays-" Mingi began.

"Umm I think you mean anyways." San corrected him.

Leaning in towards him, Mingi locked eyes on the shorter male and stared him down with an intimidating glare.

"Did I stutter Choi?"

San immediately shook his head rapidly. With a victory smile, Mingi reclined back in his seat.

"I'm just going to get the breakfast platter with some orange juice."

Y/N couldn't stifle her snort when he said his choice of drink, the other two men looking away in embarrassment.

"You've been drinking orange juice since you were in grade school Mingles, don't you think you outta start taking something more grown up? Like coffee?" San suggested and Mingi did not appreciate it.

"Coming from the one who still brings a plushie to sleep with him, your suggestion holds no value or power." He retorted.

"OK SHIBER IS NOT A PLUSHIE, HE'S FAMILY YOU JACKASS!" San sprinted up from his seat, nearly leaning across to grab Mingi by the color, but he was held back by Wooyoung.

Lynn, who had thus far stayed quiet, promptly came up with a spray bottle and consequently doused the untamed boy on his face.

"Bad kitty, bad kitty." She reprimanded him, unable to resist the opportunity to attack her long time frenemy.

"Lynn!" Y/N looked at her with surprise.

"You're welcome." Lynn replied rather monotone before going back to her place behind the counter like she didn't just spray San with disinfecting water.

"There's too many germs going around anyways..." She muttered under her breath.

Without any further interruptions, aside from the rumbling coming out of the boys' stomachs, they finished ordering what they wanted and Y/N sent it over so they could be prepared. Not wanting to be near their loud asses, Y/N went back over to where Lynn was, peeking over to see what she was currently reading in the magazine she held.

"What you reading?" She casually inquired.

"Horoscope section." Y/N wasn't surprised, her friend tended to be into more mystical, eccentric and rather.....extreme with her taste in fashion and music. If Y/N was the one who turned heads for her scandalous attire, Lynn was the one people turned away from in fear when they saw how she dressed. It was a sight that truly made both of them laugh at people's foolishness, well at least made Y/N laugh. Her friend rarely had any other expression plastered on that wasn't utter disdain for society and life.

Unexpectedly, another customer came in. Both girls looked at each other in confusion when neither of them recognized him. Their town was rather small with few people living there, so they deduced that he must be a traveler who probably got lost on his route. He himself looked around nervously, eyes barely lifting up. Y/N couldn't help herself as she took in his perfect face. Big, round eyes with crystal clear orbs, small face with a V-line jaw, perfectly sculpted nose with no sign of defects, skin smooth and blemish free, he looked like a prince out of a fairytale. He was incredibly pretty, yet stood there so awkwardly that it was almost comical.

"Hey Yeosang! You made it! Sit down! I ordered for you in advanced!" Wooyoung surprised both girls when it seemed he knew the stranger and even waved him over to where they sat. The other two boys also seem familiarized with him and welcomed him to sit with them, chatting up a storm already with him.

"Who's that?" Lynn was the one to finally ask out loud.

"Beats me.....but he sure is adorable."

Noticing the way her lips curled upwards, Lynn could already see the wheels inside Y/N's head turning.

"And I bet you're going to go over there and find out- aaand there you go." She ended up answering her own deduction as she watched Y/N happily walked over with a more bright expression on her face, that soon soured when her boss came out of the kitchen and beat her over to the table, laying down several plates of food.

"I knew as soon as I saw the orders that it had to be the lot of you." She scoffed softly as she looked at the boys' grinning faces.

"You know us Miss Audrey, we wouldn't ever think of eating anywhere else but here. You're the best cook in all of town." Wooyoung praised her with a sparkling charm that could have fooled anyone else but not the robust woman in front of him.

"Boy stop trying to tickle my ears, I've known you since you were in your soiled diapers being carried around by your mama, running around and creating chaos anywhere you went. Flattery may work on them poor girls you play with but me? I can see right through ruffians like you."

Turning her head to finally notice the new addition to the group, she looked him up and down.

"Boy who might you be?" She questioned him, earning the ears of the girls nearby to listen in for any valuable information.

"I'm..... Yeosang Kang, nice to meet you." He introduced himself, tilting his head slightly down when he said that.

"He just moved into town this week! He's the new guy who is going to work with us down at the car shop and help on the race track!" San enthusiastically shouted, making the older woman cringe.

"I may be old, but I still haven't gone deaf for you to yell in such a way boy. So...." She crossed her arms and looked at Yeosang again.

"You a racer too?"

Now the girls, particularly Y/N, were more interested in what his response would be.

"I- yes. So it seems." The poor boy looked so flustered, obviously being more of a soft spoken individual, contrasting starkly to the other 3 boys.

Miss Audrey let out a seemingly displeased hum at his answer.

"As if we needed anymore hooligans running wild. We already got enough with the 3 Stooges over here."

The girls couldn't help but snicker at their boss's words, always having a blast whenever she put the boys back in their place. They however looked displeased, glaring at them intensely.

"Shouldn't you both be off somewhere cleaning dishes or making sandwiches?"

Snatching one of the knifes, Lynn held it up and was about to jump over, but Y/N came up in front of her.

"Lynn, no. Just calm down ok? You know they're just being idiots." Y/N reminded her.

Grumbling something in a foreign language no one knew for sure if it was real or not, Lynn put the knife back, squinting her eyes at them before turning around to not look at them again. Y/N giggled softly, finding it absolutely cute whenever her friend lost her cool and collected form cause it reminded her of a chihuahua, barking and yelping at anything larger than itself trying to establish dominance.

Noticing that in her display of aggression, Lynn had inadvertently knocked over a few of the brochures that were on display for people to take, Y/N stooped down and proceeded to pick them up in a casual manner. Standing up, she neatly arranged them properly, making sure they all faced the same direction and the sides weren't poking out anywhere. Feeling as though someone had been watching her all along, she looked at the table of boys, half expecting Wooyoung's smug grin to greet her, but she was completely wrong as it was none other than the new guy who seemed unable to keep his eyes off her figure, staring intently at the length of her skirt. When he realized she noticed, his eyes went wide, cheeks burning up with utter embarrassment. Y/N however seemed unbothered by this. Wanting to test something, she pretended to accidentally drop one of the pamphlets. Bending over, she made sure he could get a perfect glimpse of her cleavage, if he payed enough attention, he'd be able to see that she was in fact, not wearing any bra. Coming back up, Y/N looked over to see the results, smirking when the agape mouth of Yeosang confirmed to her that he had indeed noticed everything.

"Oh sweetheart, you're gonna be too easy..." She had already made up in her mind that Yeosang would be her next target, and she had to put her plan in action. Placing the brochures down, she was about to go over and start flirting with him, until a familiar voice called for her.

"Y/N! There you are!"

She internally groaned when she heard him, wondering why on earth did he not get the hint of ditching him like that, especially when he very well knew about the reputation she had. She tried ignoring him, but of course, he had had to be the persistent type, no doubt thinking he was going to have a different ending than the rest before him.

"I thought you'd be here. You could have told me you were going to be gone early. I would have made you breakfast."

Knowing she had to say something, Y/N grabbed her pad and gave him the fakest smile she was capable of donning.

"Hi, what can we get started for you today? Waffles? Eggs and bacon? Coffee to start off with?"

The trio of friends, having no choice but to witness the interaction due to it happening right in front of them, snickered amongst themselves.

"Oh shit. He's in for it." San whispered lowly.

The boy obviously looked extremely confused, his smile lightly falling off, but then returning to its hopeful state.

"Why are you acting like this candy bear? Pretending like you don't know me?" When he tried to reach a hand to pull her close, the girl simply pushed him away with one of her fingers.

"Look, clearly you're too stupid to understand so let me spell it out in a language you can understand." Letting out a tired sigh, she crossed her arms in front of her chest, a sour look displaying on her pretty face.

"We had a nice time together, and last night was... average to put it nicely."

"Oh man. That was a total burn." Mingi couldn't help but snort, some of the orange juice being spit back into his glass.

"But that was all it was and all it's ever going to be. So why don't you do yourself a favor and just go back home to your Star Trek figurines and watch the latest episode of Thunder Cats?"

The not so discreet snickering coming from the table behind them only made the humiliation for the man multiply significantly. Turning red with utter despair and rage, he quickly brushed past Y/N rather brusquely.

"Fucking bitch." She heard him mutter under his breath, a phrase she had grown accustomed to hearing among many others.

"Oh god. Homegirl struck again." Wooyoung laughed, swirling his milkshake in his hand.

"Ayo why you gotta do Thunder Cats like that? It's actually pretty entertaining." San commented.

Looking over at the time, the guys quickly stood up, dropping their share of bills onto the table.

"You guys get paid today too right? Come meet up with us at the track." Wooyoung suggested.

"Why on earth would we want to go see your greasy, oil smelling ass after dealing for nearly an hour with you already?" Lynn questioned him, eyes never peering up from her magazine.

"Because Yunho would be there?"

Still she didn't respond, the only movement made was her finger turning the page.

"Bro we been knew she don't give two shits about him." Mingi reminded them.

"Because we're going to the drive in theater after work, they're playing a horror movie."

Lifting her gaze, Lynn closed the magazine, although still stone faced, her eyes seemed to brighten up.

"My interest has been greatly piqued." Her lips showed the faintest whisper of a smile that gave a rather eerie and chilling feel down the people's spines.

"Maybe we should rethink inviting Satan's offspring." San leaned in towards Mingi, shivering significantly.

"Great! So we'll catch you gals later."

The boys quickly dispersed themselves, save Yeosang who still sat quietly, keeping mostly to himself. His fingers fidgeted with the half drunk cup he was holding, gaze fixed on the table in front of him. Looking up, he was attempting to work up the courage to talk to Y/N, but before he could even get the chance to gather strength, the owner came out from the back, whispering a few orders to her and gesturing for her to go tend to a situation in the kitchen. With a defeated sigh, he got up to go join the rest of the gang outside who were waiting for him. Slumping his hands in the pockets of his pants, he moved out of the booth with a solemn gaze.

"Hey."

His steps came to a screeching halt when he heard Y/N call out to him. Looking over, she smiled sweetly in his direction.

"Hope I see you later." With a flirtatious wink, she bid him goodbye as she disappeared into the back.

Yeosang stood there stunned momentarily, replaying her words over and over again in his mind, pondering endlessly at their meaning.

"Little pussy cat sure got you brain dead, didn't she?"

Startled by the unexpected voice next to him, he jumped when the face of the kind yet stern old lady studied him carefully. With a disapproving shake of her head, she decided it'd be best to warn him before he started getting ideas in his head.

"Listen, you seem like a sweet and sensible young man, so it's best for you to listen to me and stay away from that darn girl. Don't let them sugar coated lips of hers sweet talk themselves into your heart. You'll just end up heart broken like all the lovers she's had."

Picking up some of the plates, she gave him one last look, pointing an accusatory finger at him to get her point across.

"She's dangerous." Finally saying what she needed to say, Miss Audrey headed back with plates in her arms, slapping away Lynn's hands when they attempted to pry them off her, barking instructions at her to watch the counter and leave her be.

"Dangerous....." Yeosang thought to himself, the warning the good intended woman gave him sinking deep in his mind. Although he took her words to heart, something about the way she glanced at him pulled at the strings in his chest, taking his breath away when he remembered the risque position she was in that purposely allowed him to view more than he should have. That memory tinted his cheeks pink, lips unable to suppress a small smile. He knew that he should heed the old woman's advice.

But he had to admit that he loved danger and the thrill it came with.........

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Taglist: @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers @brie02 @galaxteez @multidreams-and-desires @deja-vux @hanatiny @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @a-soft-hornytiny @yunsangoveryonder @minhyukmyluv @nanamarkie @ateezbabysitters @mingismoon @rainteez02

[blu-joons]

DATING NCT A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Lee Jeno

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Jeno’s affection always works in order to suit you. Whether you want him to hold you tight or just rest a hand against you, he’ll do whatever you ask. He’s incredibly accommodating, he doesn’t mind how he holds you just as long as he is.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

The two of you met on the set of The Show, you were there on his first day to help him out as a member of staff and show him the ropes. It was only natural that the two of you started chatting as professionals, but over time you found that balance changing into something different for the both of you.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

On his last day of The Show, Jeno knew that he couldn’t risk potentially losing you. As he was clearing out his dressing room, you appeared to say your goodbyes, however Jeno couldn’t let you go that easily. Rather than say goodbye, he sat you down in his dressing room, taking a strong hold of your hand as he began to tell you how he felt about you and how desperate he was not for this to be the last time you saw each other.

D ⇴ DATES

You never quite know what to expect when it comes to a date with Jeno, he loves to surprise you and find unique things for you to do. If there’s a fair in town then Jeno will drag you along, or if a new restaurant has just opened up, he’ll book a table so that you guys can go and explore. If there’s one thing that you can always guarantee on your dates however, it’s that Jeno is a complete gentleman. He always makes sure to hold your hand, open the doors for you, and pays whenever you stop arguing with him that you should split the bill.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

The biggest concern that you had with being Jeno’s first relationship was the relationship that he had with the fans. Jeno chose to be clear and transparent with the fans so that they could get to know you and your relationship too. He loved social media at the best of times, but he would often keep the fans updated on the things that you were getting up to on his social media feed too. The connection between you and the fans was key, and so if Jeno could help to build a bond between you both, then he’d do it in a heartbeat.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

Jeno isn’t someone that likes to argue, especially with the person that he’s supposed to love. Whilst he appreciates small squabbles happen between even the best of friends, large and out of proportion arguments are not something that he enjoys. He much prefers to talk things out with you when either of you is frustrated with the other, he tries his best to maintain his composure and keep himself calm, no matter how angry he gets. He’s always respectful, he’ll never go below the belt and risk hurting you, a disagreement is one thing for him, but to go personal is not something that he does or expects you to do either.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

Bonding with his family was actually not a priority for him or his family, they knew that they’d love you, but their biggest concern was how you’d get on with the cats. New people were often a difficult time for them, so it was a much bigger hurdle for you to pass over then ever meeting the rest of his family was.

H ⇴ HOME

Having his own room in the dorm was definitely a bonus for you both and made life easier. Jeno was in no rush to move out anyway at such a young age and knowing that you had a room of privacy certainly made you much more relaxed about living in the dorm too, even if you could always hear the boys outside still.

I ⇴ ���I LOVE YOU”

Jeno was the first to say, ‘I love you,’ on a date night one evening. He’d been trying to find the perfect time for quite a while, but sitting down to a meal, without any interruptions, ended up seeming like the perfect place for you both. He was nervous for most of the night until he found the courage to say the words you’d always wanted to hear.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

Being jealous wasn’t something that typically occurred around Jeno, he was usually quite calm and trusting of most people around you. Even if he did feel jealous at all, he’d never make a big deal out of it, especially for your sake, and would wait until the two of you were alone to tell you a little more about how he felt. Causing a big deal over jealous is not his style at all, however, he isn’t afraid to step in like a hero and save the day if he feels like his jealousy is verging on uncomfortable for both him and for you.

K ⇴ KIDS

Having children was something that Jeno had never given any thought to, before dating you, and even at the start of your relationship. When you first mentioned it for the first time it definitely caused his body to tense up for a while. Growing up still felt like it was a long way away for him at times that children had never crossed his mind. For a while you were anxious that you’d said the wrong thing until Jeno quickly reassured you and began to open up his mind to the thought of having children as well.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

Laughing is one of Jeno’s favourite things in the world, especially when he’s with you. He knows he has the charms, that was one of the first things you learnt about him when you watched him as an MC, but when the two of you were alone, he really felt like he could be himself. He was always laughing and joking around with you, and if you’d had a bad day, then he’d be right there to pick you up straight away and try anything that he could to try and make you smile again. He never wanted you to have a frown when he was around.

M ⇴ MISSING

He tries to smile his way throughout any time that he’s away from you, he doesn’t want the others to notice him missing you, and he definitely doesn’t want you to notice him missing you when he’s on a call with you either. Throughout a tour, you’ll often have small gifts arrive at your front door that Jeno has organised so that he can make sure that you know that he’s still thinking of you and missing you. He loves coming home and seeing all the things that he sent you positioned around the house so that you always have a little something that Jeno has bought for you at your side no matter what room of the house you’re in.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

Jeno likes to be traditional with his nicknames, ‘jagi,’ is very much a go to for him, however he won’t be opposed to throwing a few different ones in there from time to time as he knows how much it takes you by surprise.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He’s obsessed with your height, because as far as he is concerned, you’re the perfect height for him to cuddle up to and hold tightly against his body.

P ⇴ PDA

Any affection from Jeno that you receive in public is usually so that he can keep you well protected. There are plenty of times when he’s busy, but he loves to have you join him on his schedules. Whether it’s fans, cameras, or anything else, he’ll always grip onto your waist to keep you near him and away from any sort of trouble.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

Whenever he writes a song, he loves to ask for your opinion on what he’s written. You’re far from a lyricist, but Jeno will still come to see you and see what you think, although each time you tell him it’s faultless and perfect.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

As well as songwriting, Jeno loves to play his guitar for you. Whenever you have a bit of a restless night, he’ll pull your frame to rest in between his legs and settle your head against his chest, playing his guitar over you. He always knows the perfect melodies to help try and ease your mind from anything that you’re stressing over and won’t stop until he can comfortably look down and see that you’re fast asleep on him.

S ⇴ SEX

He’s a true romantic when it comes to being intimate, it can often feel like something out of a movie. A dark room, perhaps even some light music in the background, Jeno likes to create the perfect atmosphere so that you can relax under his touch and allow him to take control. He tries to look after you as much as possible and will only let you take care of him if you beg him to let you make sure that he feels good as well.

T ⇴ TEXTS

You never quite know if you’re going to see a text from Jeno or not. Some days he’ll text you constantly, other days, you’ll barely get one, a lot of it depends on how busy he is and whether he can sneak a few minutes on his phone.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

The chance to fall in love appealed to Jeno from a young age, he just never imagined that it would happen so soon for him. He truly believed that fate brought the two of you together when you met on The Show, and he would always be eternally grateful for it.

V ⇴ VACATION

Europe is somewhere you know that Jeno would love to travel around, so when he gets a bit of time to go on holiday, the two of you organise the perfect road trip for you both. You try to tick off as much of Jeno’s bucket list as you can because with how busy he is, you never know when the opportunity will present itself again.

W ⇴ WHINING

He’s not someone who will tend to whine too often, he’s understanding that you work hard, but he doesn’t want to be left for too long without your attention.

X ⇴ XXXXX

Whenever he has the chance, it becomes second nature for Jeno to kiss you. Even if it’s the quickest kiss in the world, he’ll still give it just so you know that he’s there and has you in his mind. It doesn’t matter to him where he kisses either, he does prefer to kiss the top of your head and engulf you against his chest, but he’ll often kiss the back of your hand or your cheek too depending on how accessible the space is to him.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his true love, the one that the world had given to him.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

At night, Jeno would make sure to hold you nice and close to him. He knew how important touch was in the evening to ease your mind when you were restless, so much so that you’d often have to ask him to loosen his grip before you fell apart.

---

Masterlist

[builtyouahousefromabrokenhome]

I’m reading Tired Tired Sea again and it’s so brilliant ♥ Probably my favourite Larry fic, or fanfic in general, of all time. 

My reviews of the greatest Larry classics of all time, and the songs they remind me of:

- Tired Tired Sea: Absolutely the best, the 1st Larry fic I ever read and I’ll probably never read anything better. I love the characterizations, it’s realistic and well researched, has a unique setting and a beautiful, caring, respectful and loving romance. And it’s so funny! The author is really good at capturing Louis’ and Harry’s sense of humour. And I love the postcards so much. The one critique I have is that it’s so dark a lot of the time when they’re indoors, that’s a bit claustrophobic to me personally lol. Light some candles or oil lamps for gods sake! (I’ve lived without electricity for extended periods of time and there is absolutely no reason to stumble around in the dark ^^) Edit: Although I have to admit it does add very effectively to the quiet, cozy, isolated atmosphere, so go off I guess! :D Tired Tired Sea also helped me see how shitty/incompatible an ex of mine was, who got angry at me because I got emotional during a chess game, while Louis thought it was totally endearing when Harry got emotional during their scrabble game ^^ (Song: Home - can’t believe it’s not on the official playlist! :)

- Escapade: Honestly I don’t quite get why this one is such a beloved classic. It’s quite out of character, their families are all OCs and pretty annoying to me personally, it’s not that deep emotionally (to me) and the whole setting just doesn’t appeal to me. Filthy rich people in a boring luxury resort ... ehh. It was okay as a fic but to me it’s just that, nothing more. I actually didn’t read it for ages because Louis’ character in the 1st scene appalled me so much (he’s a filthy rich corporate lawyer fucking people over for a living), but since people were talking about how great it was I skipped the beginning and then kind of got into the fic after all. (Song: Mamma Mia cover hehe because it kind of has the vibe of that movie)

- Young & Beautiful: This also felt very out of character (they are much more in character and have amazing banter especially in Velvetoscar’s other fic Dreaming of You). Then again Harry’s character here explores the dichotomy of his public persona vs. his true self, which applies in real life too. To me it felt pretty over the top and “anime” with all those extremely wealthy kids in that fancy school, but it has so much emotional depth and I cried when reading it, and sometimes still do when I remember the line “The moon knows we are in love” T^T ... I don’t even know why that breaks my heart so much, I’m tearing up right now too!! It also helped me get over a relationship that in real life was pretty much “sunk cost fallacy” (it took a lot of work because the other person, who I still love and respect so much, had a lot of issues and was scared of relationships, and in the end I noticed I was losing myself and the relationship was just about walking on eggshells and hoping I didn’t do something wrong, but inevitably still doing things that upset her without meaning to). Anyways Young & Beautiful let me fantasize about a relationship that appears to be “sunk cost fallacy” but is actually progressing and worth it in the end.  (Song: End Of The Day)

- Fading: This is a very good story about someone with an eating disorder, and it touched me really deeply. I thought Harry’s character and motivations were really interesting - he was someone who enjoyed being of service to others and needed to be with someone who needed being taken care of in a way, but also didn’t take advantage of him. But it feels pretty out of character - possibly I would have loved it even more if it had not used the 1D character framework ... but then I might never have found it :-/  On the other hand there are a couple of "coincidences” in Fading, some lines that Harry’s lyrics seem like they could be referencing, like “tastes like strawberry” and “kissing in the kitchen” O_o (Song: Little Things)

- Zarah5′s fics (including Into The Blue, Wear It Like A Crown, Pull Me Under): I love all her fics and also hate them a tiny bit. They are all consistently extremely well written, realistic, funny and have great characterizations, they are absolute page turners, and really hot, and also they all have this very obvious “five act structure” where act 4 must be the worst angst imaginable, a terrible misunderstanding and everything going to hell, but then supposedly they resolve it in the end and everything is okay after all. My favourite is Into The Blue, which differs a bit - there is plenty of angst but it’s not a misunderstanding and feels realistic and makes total sense within the story. And it’s very well researched about diving in Madeira!  (Song for Into the Blue: Better Than Words)

- Flightless Bird: Deals with child sexual abuse, the structures and networks that enable it, and its consequences, so be warned before reading. But it has a happy and satisfying ending. For me the author’s notes were a bit distracting, and there were a lot since the chapters are pretty short. The many typos on top of this also tended to bring me out of the story’s groove, since they were often involuntarily funny ... (e.g. grisly -> grizzly :3)  Nevertheless, Flightless Bird had me on the edge of my seat especially during the first half, and I read it really quickly skipping dayjob work to read it lol. I really felt for the characters and cried a lot. It was pretty cathartic to read, since I’ve been in a kind of similar position as Harry’s character :/ (but on a smaller scale, with a less horrible catalyst).  I liked how it handled the theme of Harry’s character being difficult and disliked by everyone, when his reasons and motivations would probably have made people understand and sympathise with him, if only the right people knew. But he couldn’t possibly tell the people who could have been his allies, and meanwhile the wrong people knew and used it against him.  The ballet setting was interesting and well done, and I liked how the story made references to Swan Lake and Giselle. I really loved Harry’s character’s relationship with ballet as an art form.  On a side note, I appreciated how this story contrasted child sexual abuse against the loving and equal relationship between the protagonists, when homophobes often, infuriatingly, conflate homosexuality with pedophilia and CSA. (Song: Last First Kiss)

- Unbelievers: I haven’t read this yet because I really don’t like the trope “enemies to lovers” ... Everyone is hyping it so much though that at some point I will probably read it anyway. Please send me spoilers that might motivate me to read it! Like that their mutual hate as enemies is actually externally imposed, due to homophobia or something? (Song: TBA!)

------ 

In general I’m sincerely amazed at all the great writers in the fandom and how the sublime experience of witnessing Larry Stylinson has inspired so many and so incredibly good works of literature ♥ 

[fa-by]

official to get together with Ty. I mean, what?? Who does something like that if they were truly in love?// about this part technically they only became "official" publicly at that time because they never gave us an actual date as to when L and LV got together or even broke up and what makes it more confusing is that LV and L looked like they ended on good terms but then a few weeks later they unfollowed each other and LV was throwing shade at L and now they're not even friends.

Still here, not a hater nor a shipper Anon? I see that the first two times weren’t enough for you. Okay. Suit yourself.

“they never gave us an actual date as to when L and LV got together or even broke up”. Actually, we may not have specific day dates, but we do have dates to calculate everything.

As I’ve already explained, Lucy returned to Lauren’s life after she had a car accident on May 17, 2015:

“She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere and she called me”, and, according to their narrative, Lauren decided they would be together “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship” from that moment on. The last public interaction between the two of them occurred on January 12, 2017 with that post for Lucy’s birthday (which is actually Jan 11):

And by January 21, 2017, they had already broken up since they were at the same Women’s March but with other people. While Lauren ‘was still together with’ Lucy, Ty tweeted “LMJ” on January 4, 2017:

He canceled it right away, and on February 12, 2017, Tyren made their first appearance as a ‘couple’ at the Grammys after-party (picture posted by L two days later):

If you calculate from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017, it’s 1 year and 8 months. And of that year and 8 months, 2 months were public due to the wedding pictures.

Lauren was already with Ty after less than a month. In fact, if you want to calculate from January 21 to February 12, it’s only 9 days. So, as you can see, we have dates on which base ourselves.

“Um let’s be realistic this literally happens all the time in real life”. Oh yeah? To who? To those who weren’t really in love and didn’t care about their exes maybe, but not to those who claimed to have been in love with their best friend since adolescence. You continue to be contradictory, Anon. Even in your own thoughts. Because if you believe in the Laucy narrative, then you’re supposed to believe that Lauren was in love with Lucy for five years (from when she was 15 to when she was 20). And if you believe that, then how can you think she fell out of love with her in less than a month? How can you think that’s realistic? Do you really give your fave so little credit? As I’ve already said, I don’t know you, so either you’ve never been in love and that’s why you think it’s realistic, or you do give Laur so little credit for real.

I’m gonna copy and paste the entire piece that you copied incompletely now: “How can you have been in love with someone for so many years, broke up with them because they were a toxic person, and immediately get together with an even more toxic person without having the proper time to heal? Without taking the time for yourself to lick your wounds, grow up, be ready again to throw yourself out there, and eventually find a better person to be in a relationship with? How? Simple. Because they were both fake relationships. The timing they wanted to tell is not credible. None of what they’ve said is believable, and luckily, there’s also enough evidence to prove it so these are not opinions and theories”.

When you love someone, Anon, when you really love someone and you’re not with them anymore, you need time. You really need some time before you can move on. Less than a month is not enough to fall out of love after 5 years and start another relationship by declaring to be in love with this other person every five seconds. I really don’t understand how you can think it’s realistic, and most of all, I really don’t understand how you don’t see it was all fake.

“and who says Ty was a toxic person cause so far L has never said anything bad about him and he treated her right from what we have seen, also the fact that their ‘split’ was peaceful so how was he toxic for her?”. So, let me get this straight. Someone who thinks that ‘the women only serve to be in the kitchen’, that ‘the lesbians only are confused girls’, that:

and that he’s:

is not a toxic person? Someone who’s been in a gang (like his brother who’s still in jail) since he was a teenage boy and has a long list of felonies on his record for infractions, assaults, and possession of various drugs, isn’t toxic? Someone who lies about his age and is disrespectful in the lyrics in his songs and when he speaks in general with phrases in which he had no respect for either women or homosexuality, is not toxic? Someone for whom it’s normal to punch and kick another celebrity in the head just because he refused to leave and free for him the VIP room of a club he was occupying, is not toxic? Someone who wanted to make a blind woman move who was sitting behind him with her guide dog, claiming to be allergic to the fur that was making him sneeze, and despite the fact that the plane staff offered him another seat in the back, which he refused because ‘he had paid extra to be in the one he was sitting in’, and the blind woman even offered him an allergy pill, he refused AGAIN with the excuse that he ‘had to perform’ a few hours later at the Escapade Music Festival (the woman obviously had priority over her seat and wasn’t moved, so they all stayed in their seats in the end), is not toxic?

Are you for real?? Do you really think Lauren could actually have been with a person like that? Someone who represented exactly what she always despised? Do you really think so low of her? You say she’s your fave, but do you know her at all? Because you’re basically insulting her as a person and her intellect. When will you learn to distinguish reality from fiction? When are you gonna open your eyes? If Lauren were to tell you that Santa’s real, then you’d believe it just because the words came out of her mouth? Come on now! Just because she was forced to say that she loved him and how a good person he was, DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE. Not to mention that we’ve witnessed several times how uncomfortable she was when they had to look intimate for pictures:

And how inappropriate he was:

https://youtu.be/g3D_FMHy4ho

Don’t you see how she tried to move his hand and how uncomfortable she was? And these are just two examples, but there are so many of them. Wake up and learn to recognize the distinction between script-following Laur and authentic Laur. I already told you this.

No, I’m the one who’s sorry here. Because as I said, you can’t distinguish when something is fake and when it’s real. I was there. You seem to have forgotten this. I saw every post, every picture, and every live they did together. They were together. They obviously couldn’t say it because Lucy ‘was together’ with Laur, but they were together. It wasn’t a serious relationship like the one with Nicole, but they still had something. They stayed together until February and then Lucy got together with Nicole in March.

---

I hope this can also answer your ask, dear Anon 😄 and hi to you too 👋🏼

---

Back to you, not a hater nor a shipper Anon. Keep blaming CS and believing every single thing your faves say if you want, but do yourself a favor: stop trying to change someone’s mind (with empty proofs) and try to convince them to think like you. It’s useless. As I already told you in that post: “You can come back here a hundred more times, but you won’t change my mind”. Just accept it. Just accept the fact that we think differently because we believe in different things. Follow the blogs that think like you if you want, create your own blog with your own opinions or whatever, but don’t go to CS ones like mine because you wouldn’t come out as a winner, as you could see all three times. It’s one thing to go to another blog to express your opinion, and another is to go there multiple times and insist on changing their minds. Unlike you, I don’t go bothering other blogs to convince them to believe in what I believe. In fact, if that’s why, I don’t really care to change their minds precisely because, as I already told you, everyone is free to think what they want and have their own ideas. I accept the fact  that not everyone thinks the same way. Embrace this idea too, trust me, you'll live better. Find your community and be happy there.

I hope I’ve been even clearer than the previous times. Take care, not a hater nor a shipper Anon, and have a good day. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.

[alecxaheart]

Someone's Someone | Bang Chan Oneshot (1)

✎ Genre : CEO AU, Soulmate AU, Fluff

✎ Pairings : Bang Chan X Reader

✎ Word Count : 3.5k words

✎ Synopsis : We all just wanna be someone's someone that we can't live without. At this time, Chan was looking for his. And unexpectedly, he was already tied down to someone.

✎ Warnings : Explicit Language

✎. . . I actually just played my songs on shuffle then Monsta X's Someone's Someone played so.. yeah, I'm inspired. Also, this is my first post in tumblr btw. :)

✎ Parts : 1 , 2

The relaxing sounds of nature enveloped him as a whole. His shoulders less tense and eyes closed as he sat on the cooled sand, facing the burning star and calm waters ahead. Seagulls could be heard in the distance as they caught themselves a dinner to eat. The refreshing cool wind hit his body, slightly making him shiver for a second. Waves, created by the sea and wind, kisses the shore repeatedly. For once, he was far away from worries, stress, fears and regrets. Just him, contented with the company of nature.

As he fluttered his eyes open, he was met with a stunning view of the sun meeting the ocean. The ocean reflecting the sun's visuals as well as the sky above it. Even though the reflection was blurry, it's still pleasing to the eye. Just perfectly imperfect.

However in his opinion, it wasn't stunning as it seems. This secret escapade paradise of his doesn't quite appeal to him yet. A missing piece that could be anywhere on this wide world. That thought kind of bothers him every time.

Sighing, he figured that it was time to go back. He slipped onto his slippers and headed out of his escapade paradise with a head hung low. Hopping on an enormous boulder that happened to break the wired fence and fixated there, having easier access to and from the place than climbing over the fence.

With a last glance towards his escapade, he knew he'll be coming back and that next time will be the scenery he's been looking for, hopefully.

Frustrated with the task at hand, Chan ran his fingers through his blonde locks as he leaned back on his chair and head facing upwards toward the ceiling. Taking a brief break from a whole 6 hours straight of writing and staring at the monitor. Followed by him grabbing his coffee and taking a sip, eyes boring on the monitor. He was just half finished with his paperworks at the time of nightfall, which made him more in distress and felt crammed.

His eyes then wandered around his office, landing onto the view of the opposite building of his company in the end. Where he could see the workers of the Marketing Department bidding their goodbyes to one another, closing the lights and exiting the room. Oh, how much he too wanted to leave and rest right at this moment. Although his belief of 'getting things done before going into slumber' is preventing him to do so (even though he already got a lot of things done). With a sigh, he faced back in front of his monitor and papers, determined to get everything done before tomorrow starts.

" Sunbae-nim, aren't you coming with us? We're having dinner at the Chicken & Barbecue restaurant just a block away from here. " Seungmin asked, grabbing his suitcase below his desk. You leaned back on your chair while stretching your cramping arms and a yawn escaping your mouth.

" As much as I want to, Seungmin, I can't, " You started, rubbing your temples to ease your aching head. " Because our new boss literally gave me 5 thick documents to finish before tomorrow morning without any mercy. And that's just bullshit. I don't even think I'm halfway through it! " Seungmin replied with a chuckle to your short rant, an amused expression written on his soft face. You were having another small mental breakdown as you stared at your unfinished pile of work, feeling your soul escape your body.

" I think you're overreacting. "

" Well, what if I am?! "

Laughing, Seungmin leans his side on your cubicle, looking over at your messy desk filled with sticky notes, papers and pens. " I don't think it's that much. You're lucky that your boss isn't here to hear any of your complaints, " He muttered as he took a peek at one of your documents. You scoffed, not my fault that I'm not as good as you.

" Hear what? "

Frantically, you immediately hide yourself behind your cubicle and pretend that you were focusing on your work. On the other hand, Seungmin casually brushed his navy blue coat with his palms and lifted himself off from the cubicle. Making it all seem like nothing happened.

" Oh, it's nothing, Ms. Ka- " Seungmin paused as he met the owner of the voice who wasn't the person they were expecting to be there. " M-Mr. Bang?! " He stuttered, eyes widened at the blonde headed CEO. Seeing in the corner of your eyes, Seungmin bowed ninety degrees at him as a sign of respect. Even with his heated glare on you, you continued your work like no CEO even entered. Thanks to your cute height, for sure you wouldn't be spotted.

" What are you doing here? Working hours are done. "

Seungmin stood straight and scratched the back of his head. Curiosity slowly arose in you as seconds passed - since you've never met a CEO called by your colleague as ' Mr. Bang ' - although as much as possible, you didn't let go out of hand and kept your focus on the documents silently. The least thing you wanted to happen to you right now is get caught by one of the company's CEO. " I was about to head out, Mr. Bang, " Finding an excuse, he pulled up his sleeve to check the time on his wristwatch. " Uhm.. Yeah, I'm late for dinner. Sorry, Mr. Bang, I have to leave right now. Have an great night! "

With a last bow to the CEO, Seungmin dashed his way out of the building, leaving you alone with your work. The blonde head noticed how the room was still lit up despite it being unoccupied, which he thought. Heading to the switches, everything around you darkened. The only source of light you had was the monitor, and Chan caught it in the corner of his eye.

" Is someone still there? " His voice, catching a bit of foreign accent with it, echoed in the hushed area.

Baffled as he approached that light with a few slow strides, you freaked out mentally. Swiftly but silently, you left your chair and hid yourself underneath the desk next to yours. As he neared your cubicle, you held your breath, slowly starting to feel lightheaded. You don't know what are the consequences if you get caught after working hours since you're still kind of new - got hired just 5 months ago. Dumb you overthink random shit first before even going to the thing called 'common sense' and the rules you heard just goes in one ear then out on the other.

The moment Chan was about to reach your cubicle and take a glance to his right, the sound of marimba playing a soft tune echoed in the room. Stopping in his tracks, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and grabbed it, swiping to the right to answer the call. You let out a hushed yet shaky sigh of relief, your shoulders less tense than a while ago. In your mind played a chant, thanking whoever was your savior.

Chan narrowed his eyes at the back of your cubicle while his phone is still pressed against his ear, listening to the person on the other line's complaints. " I'm on my way. Don't do anything stupid, " Not too soon you hear heels clacking against the polished marble tiles, the noise fainting as he left the room.

It took you a good couple of seconds to get out of your hiding spot (since you had to catch your breath and calm your heart down from the thrill), slightly shaking your whole body first before heading back to your seat and continuing your pile of work. Mentally groaning at yourself.

Oh. My. Gosh. These. Eyebags.

Is the first thing you thought as you looked at yourself in the mirror. The cause of it appearing badly because you obviously lacked sleep. All due to the time allotted for slumber was consumed by finishing your 5 thick documents that will be passed this morning. You could've cared less if today wasn't a work day, which fortunately for you it was still work day and these damn documents aren't gonna pass themselves to your boss this instant.

Fumbling around in your bag, you found your makeup kit and started fixing yourself. A little bit of touch ups here and there, just a little to look like it's still more natural than a lot to look like a plastic doll barbie.

Once satisfied, you smiled sweetly at yourself just to start your day nicely and exit your household. While walking on your way to the train station, incoherent mumbling leaves your mouth. A train of thoughts clouding you about your worries if you've left something important behind. In all honesty despite of your current good looks, you look stupid or crazy for talking to yourself in public. Well, at least you aren't as worse as someone yelling nonsense.

" I have all my files, identification card, phone, wallet, pocket knife 'cause anything could happen, keys- " you paused as soon as you misplaced your shoes at the edge of the last stair, falling forward. Luckily for you, you caught yourself and regained your balance. Wide eyed, you saw a kid, a giddy smile plastered on his face as he saw your commotion with a lollipop in hand. You felt embarrassed but laughed it off anyway, a light tint of pink decorating your cheeks.

You rushed towards the gates as soon as you realized the time with the card in between your fingers. Three beeps emitted from the machine when the gates opened after you placed the card on the scanner. With a few more strides, you caught up to your train ride as it was about to leave. You sighed in relief and sat down on a vacant bench, head automatically leaning back on the window. Your eyes boring at the ceiling while taking steady breaths after your short marathon on the way.

On the other hand, across you sat Chan. His right leg crossed over the other while scrolling through his phone. He wore a button up shirt, the first two still unbuttoned revealing more of his chest. His navy blue tie hung loose around his neck while his coat is still folded around his arm. His slacks were the same color as his tie and coat and wore black pointed shoes to finish the statement of his overall clothing. Blonde hair locks were scattered around his face but still managed to look stunning and attractive.

You haven't noticed his presence, so did he to you, and the fact that you both don't know each others' appearance even though you go to the same company just adds to the reason for you two's ignorance to one another's existence.

You got yourself to go back to slumber comfortably in your current position although you know when you wake up, you'll be greeted by your neck aching. Hopefully you don't miss your stop while gaining more sleep. The train swaying you lightly from time to time that you found quite relaxing, like a cradle rocking back and forth lightly to put a baby to sleep.

A child was running around the train with a joyful smile, giggling. He only stopped in his tracks when he reached in between you and Chan. His eyes glowed like there were stars decorated around his chocolate brown pupil when he eyed you two. Looking around, he spotted a roll of red thread underneath your bench and grabbed it. He thought it was just right.

With you being the closest, he starts to tie the thread around your pinky finger. You were too tired to even feel his small cold fingers run around your fingers nor the string tighten around it. Once done, he smiled to himself, his dimples appearing on either side of his cheeks and eyes forming into small crescents.

He left your side and skipped over in front of Chan, who was now too deep in thought as he gazed outside the window and his phone tucked in his pocket. Holding the other end of the thread, he wrapped it around Chan's thumb. Chan's body shook in surprise as he felt cold fingers ghosting above his hand and averted his attention to the child. He saw him knotting the red string tightly, strange that he barely even feels the string tightened around his thumb. " What are you doing? " he questioned although the child only responded with a bright smile, followed by a giggle.

The child turned and ran away from him, more giggles leaving his lips. Chan stood up and tried to chase him. But stopped as soon as he saw the child in the distance, dissolving into little particles in thin air and completely vanished in his sight. In disbelief, he rubbed his eyes and looked for the child around his area. Thinking that he was out of his mind, he sighed in defeat. There's no way anyone could do that in reality. It's either I'm insane or living in a fantasy or a chosen one blessed to see ghosts. Maybe, all of the above.

Chan looked down on his thumb, following where the other end lead to. Then, he spotted your sleeping beauty state, the other end attached to your pinky finger. With the sun rising in the horizon, a ray of gold-like light shines through the window, casting a shadow on you. And he thought you looked mesmerizing like that, peaceful and lovely. At least he wasn't tied up with a bitch or a hag.

Your eyes slowly fluttered open as the sun shined upon you. Squinting at its brightness, you raised a hand above your eyes to see more, only finding a red string wrapped around your pinky finger. You examined it, wondering what prank is anyone even planning and why did it have to involve you out of all people. Before anything stupid could happen, you attempted to loose the knot, ignoring the curiosity for a while of where the other end was. Looping and tugging it, even tried to chomp on it with your teeth, but all attempts failed. Well, that's until you gave up, untying it was impossible, unbelievably there's a knot that couldn't be untied. Sounded like marriage when you think about it, but there's the annulment and divorce ruining the picture.

Tearing your gaze at the string, you caught a pair of bewitching dark brown eyes staring back at you. In that particular moment, everything just froze in place. Time has stopped just for the two of you, you thought.

You felt your heart melting, probably from the warmth emitting in your body or from the warmth his eyes give off as you saw little sparks decorating the pupil. Unfamiliar light feathers tickling the insides of your stomach is what you felt other than the heat and that thawing heart of yours. Your mind knew it well that you shouldn't feel this way towards someone who you just met but your body and heart reacted so differently. There's just something about him that made you feel so exposed and vulnerable in his eyes that you couldn't come up with a possible answer to your 'why's.

Both of you didn't notice how seconds turned into minutes, too lost into one another's orbs. That was until the train stopped, causing Chan to break the eye contact and lose his balance. Before his hands made contact on the metal floor, he took a step forward in order to regain his balance which he successfully did. A small chuckle left your lips, eyes turning into crescents as you saw the commotion. He narrowed his eyes at you as the train was back in motion.

Chan fixed his clothes first before asking, " Who are you? ". Grabbing the pole next to him to prevent him from falling again on the next stop.

" Shouldn't I be asking you that as well? " You replied with a gummy smile, which quickly faded when you remembered what's the problem.

" What is this on my finger and why is it connected to yours? What kind of trickery is anyone pulling? Why am I involved in this? " You kept firing questions at him while he stayed there unbothered. Unlike you who did some more attempts to remove the thread, silly you even tried aggressively shaking your hand in hopes of making it a little loose. But no prevail happened once again.

" Just get rid of it. I didn't want this too, you know. " Chan taps his foot impatiently as he eyed your useless attempts.

" I am trying! " You exaggerated. Deciding to bring out the best tool you have for the situation in hand, your hands fumbling in your bag. Once you felt the cool metal on your fingertips, you brought it out and flipped it open.

Chan's eyes widened at the sight of the pocket knife in your palms. " You carry that on a daily basis? Are you insane? "

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. " It's not insane when it's used for self-defense purposes. I'm too nice to be the murderer you're assuming, " You replied, head throbbing as things aren't going well with the charming blonde.

He responded just before the blade and thread were in contact, starting with a scoff. " Yeah sure, nice. Anyone can wear that façade anywhere. "

" You know what, " You started as you withdrew the pocket knife back and glared at him afterwards, pissed off. " You deal with this shit yourself, I'm done with my part and I could care less about this red thread anyway. You look like you don't need any of my help 'cause you look fancier than me and it seems like you're not taking any gratitude towards my kindness. Damn these crazy rich people. " You threw the tool towards his direction and looked away from him, arms crossed. Chan instinctively caught it without getting any cuts despite the fact it's closed, his eyes burning through your figure in fury.

" If I actually got wounded instead from your little stunt, I would've sued you this instant, " He growled, only to be ignored by you.

Irritated by your sudden change of attitude, Chan flipped it open and skillfully ran the blade through the string. Only for it to just fall through like the string never existed, ghost-like perhaps. " It's not cutting, what the hell, " Chan muttered under his breath as he tried a few more times again.

"It's just a string, how could a- " You spoke as you turned your head back to his direction, only to be cutted off as you witnessed the unusual. Mouth a little bit agape in disbelief. The thread didn't fall apart even while the blade was just sitting in between of it on air. Maybe that explains why you could barely even feel the thread wrapped securely around your finger. You could tell that this stunning blonde head was just as puzzled as you were.

" Sir, if you're having any problems that includes this woman, we can sort it out. Just withdraw the knife first please, " a man suddenly blurted out, his voice a little bit shaky. That's when you realized the commotion you both have caused, everyone around you two took steps back away. All had fear in their eyes.

" Wait, you don't see the thread we're trying to cut? " Chan questioned, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. At that, he was more misunderstood.

" There's no thread..? " With that, it got the two of us surprised. Is the crazy one here them, who couldn't see this string, or us, who could?

Chan tried to explain our situation thoroughly but when he was about to speak up, out of the blue, a voice spoke in the speakers. " Please mind the gap, " You immediately grabbed his arm, carried his belongings and dragged him out of the train. Leaving its passengers confused as they eyed us. They might be thinking that you two are idiots.

The doors just shut a second later when you two got out. You felt a bit suffocated for an unknown reason, your hand reaching for your chest where you could feel your heart beating. Panting, you shoved Chan's belongings into his chest. " Are you alright? " He asked as he tried to place a hand on your back, the least thing he could do to comfort you.

But his hand only stopped in mid-air when you took your last deep breath, replying. " Let's just part ways here, " Saying those words felt a bit disheartening at some point, yet you chose to disregard it.

You walked forwards, while Chan stayed in his position, wearing his coat and fixing his tie. Although, something stopped you. As in you couldn't go forwards as much as you force to. Well when you did force yourself, it only tugged Chan towards you. Turning around, he was already eyeing you. " What was that for?! "

Glaring at the thread, you thought out loud, " Is this string telling me, it can only stretch itself approximately at 7 meters?! "

Continue

[gwynrielendgame]

Gwyncien headcanon

Okay so my headcanon is that Lucien would try to be understanding about Elain and Azriel being together. The mating bond would be the only thing that would make him want to enact the blood duel but he would fight it cause he knows he isn’t owed Elain. Anyways this was the outcome of that.

Gwyn did not know why she was here. She told herself it was for Nesta, but she knew her friend would be occupied with her mate for most of the night. It was true torture to endure this night at the court of nightmares. She insisted that if she couldn't handle the court of nightmares there was no way she could handle the rest of the world. It was a test for herself. She couldn't tell if she were passing or failing though.

"Could definitely be worse." Gwyn whispered back. She tried not to stare. It only made her pathetic she told herself. Luckily though, no one was watching her too closely. No one knew that Azriel and Gwyn were mates which meant they weren't over analyzing the situation right along with Gwyn. When she had dreamt of finding a mate, she never imagined this. The way the bond could actually hurt Gwyn was almost too much to bear. No wonder mates never rejected each other. Gwyn had been so lost in her head, she hadn't noticed Lucien approaching her.

"You look beautiful tonight, Gwyn." The male gave her a shy smile before bowing. Gwyn frowned while looking down at herself. She was wearing her priestess robe with the hood pulled down to cover most of her face for once. She wasn't sure what he was playing at, but decided to play along. Anything to distract her from that wretched couple. Only then did it hit her that perhaps he was doing the same.

"Thank you. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" Gwyn lifted her hood off her head and smiled at the red head. Similar in color to her own hair.

"I was hoping for a dance." He held out his hand. His smile turned more confident. He truly was handsome even with that terrible scar running down half his face.

"I don't know how to dance." Gwyn didn't want to make a fool of herself, especially when Azriel and Elain looked so graceful together.

"I'll lead. Don't worry. I won't do anything crazy." He sent her a smirk that told her he would, in fact, do something crazy.

"Okay." She found herself agreeing. Emerie sent her a wide look while nudging her. Gwyn sent a casual smile back. Lucien would never hurt Gwyn. She had over heard the story from Feyre herself. Lucien was one of few males who understood her pain.

He led her off to the floor and swept her into the ongoing waltz. He was close, closer than she had let any male before. Yet there was still a respectable distance between them for a dance. He kept his hand high on her back and she knew it would never veer from that spot. Her heart picked up out of conditioned fear. She took a deep breath to calm herself. He would not hurt her. They were slow and clumsy, but they were dancing which was surprising enough for Gwyn. She figured she would have stepped on his toes by now.

+

Azriel tried to ignore the mate bond as it tugged sharply. It didn't help that his shadows were angry about the situation as well. He kept making brief glances as his mate ineloquently danced along with the autumn lord. He knew Lucien was doing this on purpose. Azriel was unaware how the other male learned of his ties to Gwyn, but this was Lucien's payback for Elain and damn did it make Azriel feel guilty.

"What's wrong?" Elain spoke quietly. She glanced up at him through her lashes before focusing back on the dancing. She looked beautiful tonight, opting for red instead of black which he had to admit suited her much better. He hadn't told Elain that the mating bond snapped into place for Gwyn and him a little over two months ago. He didn't know how to tell her, although if anyone could understand, it was Elain.

"Just keeping surveillance." Azriel wished he had his shadows right now, so that they could keep track of Gwyn. Unfortunately, they still disappeared around Elain. He thought that had been a good thing. Now he wasn't so sure. "What is it like to watch Lucien dance with someone else?" He couldn't help but wonder if it felt the same for her as it did for him. He felt miserable yet had no right to be. Gwyn gave him an option. He just hadn't realized how insistent this bond would be.

"Uncomfortable." Elain decided after a long pause. "I don't really know him, so I should feel indifferent. But I can feel the bond tugging as though it's mad at me." He hadn't expected her to be so honest. He appreciated it anyways. Azriel did know Gwyn though. She was his friend which could be the reason the bond is much more painful than a mere uncomfort. He twirled Elain once more before she announced she was tired of dancing. They both retreated back to the dais where their friends were joking.

"It's not funny." Nesta groaned with a scowl gracing her face. Feyre, Rhys, and Mor were all laughing.

"What's not funny" Elain asked looking towards her oldest sister. Mor decided to answer when Nesta refused.

"It appears that the first man to pique the priestess's interest also happens to be the man that annoys the shit out of Nesta." Amren drawled after taking a seat. A bloom of anger rocked the bond so hard that Azriel's shadows came to life for a brief second before hiding again. The tight squeeze of Elain's hand into Azriel's let the Shadowsinger know that she felt the same way he did. It angered him to think that the first male to catch Gwyn's eye would be Lucien rather than him.

"It's not like that." Elain squashed any relationship theories right then. "Lucien wouldn't parade another female in front of me like that." While Elain's proclamation was true, it still made him frown. Perhaps Elain felt a little more than just uncomfortable seeing the pair dance. The rest of the group eyed Elain, but it was Feyre who came to Lucien’s defense.

"You refuse to talk to Lucien and are in a public relationship with our spymaster, Elain," Feyre was frowning as she spoke. "I think he can ask Gwyn, of all people, to dance with him." She finished by rolling her eyes at Elain. Azriel didn't like the insinuation Feyre made but kept it to himself all the same. The conversation quickly cut off as the group watched the pair end the dance with a bow.

+

"It sucks, doesn't it? Watching them be happy together?" Gwyn eyed Lucien. He couldn't know. Gwyn refused to tell anyone, mainly out of embarrassment. She supposed that didn't mean Azriel kept quiet though.

"I'm unsure I understand." She would play dumb for all it was worth. It made Lucien chuckle. He twirled her before pulling her back and continuing the conversation.

"I guessed you two were mates awhile ago. But you confirmed it for me tonight. You watch him like I watch Elain." He gave a sad smile before twirling her again. "I'm surprised he rejected you though. Azriel has been waiting more than 500 years for a mate."

"Not for A mate." Gwyn snapped. She couldn't control her rising anger. Not when it came to the mate bond. "He waited 500 years for the mate bond to snap in place with Mor and then Elain." She used her mind-stilling to calm herself. Lucien watched her intently with his one russet eye.

"He didn't technically reject me." Gwyn started the story she hadn't uttered to anyone before. "I knew he was still hung up on Elain though when the mate bond snapped into place. I told him I didn't want him to feel forced into this. So if he wanted to be with Elain, I wouldn't hold any resentment." Gwyn chuckled along with Lucien at that. The mate bond was not as forgiving. Gwyn hadn't realized how painful it would be to watch him with Elain when she uttered those words to him.

"The bond can be a fickle thing can't it?"

"Why didn't you challenge him to the blood fight? You had every reason to?" Gwyn couldn't stop herself from asking. She was glad he hadn't. It still didn't make sense to her though.

"Besides the fact that he would kill me and Elain would feel that pain? Would finally understand the true torture of the mating bond? Same reason you told him he could be with Elain. I don't want someone to be with me out of obligation." He twirled her once more and she was suddenly overcome with such sadness for the autumn lord. He deserved a mate that chose him. His eyes softened as they made eye contact again. Neither said a word for a solid minute.

“You are quick to underestimate yourself. Is that on purpose or do you truly believe you would lose?” Gwyn believed that at the very least, Lucien would put up one hell of a fight. He was raised by high lord Beron of all people, who was known for his cruelty. A sly smile quirked Lucien’s mouth.

“You’re the first to call me out on that.” It wasn’t technically an answer, but it told Gwyn all she needed to know. He allowed everyone to underestimate him. To believe he is only proficient in fighting. It should have made her nervous, but for some reason it had her laughing.

“I would love to see you kick Azriel’s ass.” It would be the kick to his ego that he needed quite honestly. Lucien laughed before a round of silence fell over them. Lucien was the first to break it.

"You could come with me. We call ourselves the band of exiles. It's just Jurian, Vassa, and I, but it would be better than watching their love story unfold." She was shocked by the invitation. She knew her face showed it as well. She knew she couldn't accept. At least not right now. She didn't want to leave Nesta and Emerie. She didn't want to stop her Valkarie training. The song was coming to an end and Gwyn knew that as soon as it did that this conversation would have to end with it.

"I have something I want to do." Lucien's brows furrowed in confusion, so she elaborated further. "I want revenge. But I'm not ready yet. Would this invitation still extend when I am ready?" Her voice was unsteady due to nerves. She hadn't mentioned her revenge plan to anyone before. A gleam entered Lucien's eye. He knew what she wanted and he would support her through it. The song ended causing Lucien to step away from Gwyn and bow once more.

"I'll be waiting." And then he was walking away. Gwyn floated back to the dais, to her spot by Emerie. She was so lost in her new plans, new plans that Lucien helped establish that she hadn't realized the entire inner circle staring at her. Including Elain and Azriel. Both had unreadable expression but both made her skin crawl uncomfortably. One of Azriel's shadows whipped out at her, barely grazing her wrist. It barely stung, but enough for Gwyn to know the shadows were upset with her. She frowned at them.

"What?" Redness rushed to her cheeks at the attention. She knew it wasn't good attention either.

"What was that about?" Nesta inclined her head to the dance floor. Gwyn didn't want to talk about it especially in front of the inner circle.

"He asked me to dance so I said yes." Gwyn shrugged as though it meant nothing. Truly the conversation had meant a lot to Gwyn. Finally being able to talk about it to someone lifted a weight that she hadn't known was there from her shoulders.

"Is that why you were making goo goo eyes at him?" Emerie teased while nudging her. Gwyn didn't see why this was being openly joked about. Azriel and Elain only went public with their relationship a month ago. Before then the entire inner circle was sure that this would cause war. Gwyn chanced a glance at Azriel, but his face gave nothing away. She looked to his shadows because she knew that those were much harder to control around her. Unfortunately the shadows had disappeared.

"Lucien is my friend." The words were colder than Gwyn had meant, but it turned the teasing air into awkward silence. Nesta and Emerie were searching Gwyn's face for any tells. They came up empty though. It was Rhysand to respond next.

"Sorry Gwyn. We weren't trying to imply anything." His words were kind but it only made Gwyn's face flame brighter. Of course they wouldn't imply anything like that with her. It reminded her of how they all see her. Trauma first. Person second.

She wondered if any of them, besides her two sisters, would ever look at her and see anything other than that day in Sangravah. She peeked a glance back at Lucien and saw him for what he could be. A fresh start. He knew about her experiences, but he wasn't there that day. He didn't see with his own eye what they had done to her. Perhaps Azriel's rejection was a blessing in disguise. Azriel himself had saved her that day. Maybe one look at her face and he found himself back in Sangravah, lifting her weak body into his arms. Before she could sink too far into the memories, she felt the mate bond being tugged at. Her eyes snapped to Azriel's where he was already staring softly back. It only fueled her anger though. She knew he had done it to pull her away from those memories but he had no right. He didn't get to use the mate bond unless he wanted to be with her.

"Stop looking at me like that." It was meant for Azriel, but applied to most of the group as well. Gwyn pulled her hood up and turned back to the dance floor. Her silent way of telling them to fuck off. She felt Emerie link their arms together. Nesta found herself on Gwyn's other side, grabbing her hand.

"I swear if you like Lucien I'll rip all my hair out." Nesta muttered in her ear. It had Gwyn laughing out loud. She gripped her friend's hand harder.

"I'd expect nothing less."

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 11 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Absurdity) 

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Message from the Lan Clan

After dinner the Yunmeng bros go to talk to Jiang Fengmian in his study. They're quiet and respectful here, with no shoulder-shoving or arguing. This scene has such Brady Bunch energy, where Dad's Study is the Man Place where boys come to talk about Serious Things.

The boys tell Dad Jiang about the Yin Iron and he says yeah, I know. This is probably why he let them run off on their road trip without punishing them, but he could have, like, shared data with them so they might have actually achieved something related to the Yin Iron, rather than just wandering around the countryside bonding with Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang.

He shows them a letter from the Lans that basically says the Lan Clan is in the shit, and he tells them they've got to go to the Wen indoctrination because otherwise they will also be in the shit. 

He gives the boys a warning about the Yin Iron, which is that 

1. it can be refined and 

2. if you refine it carefully, it will not control you. 

Awesome tip, will definitely use, thanks pop.

(more behind the cut)

Jiang Cheng wants to argue about going to the Wen party, but Wei Wuxian vocally gets on board, not leaving any opportunity for whining. 

Wei Wuxian is only sucking up a little bit in this scene. He obviously has a lot of affection for Jiang Fengmian, but WWX doesn't play up to his favoritism nearly as much as he could. Compare, for example, how he leans into Yanli's preferential treatment of him.  

Fight Outside the Cold Cave

Over on the Gusu side of the country province township, the disciples have gathered outside the cold cave that previously none of them knew about, and Su She is freaking out. 

Most of the acting in The Untamed is naturalistic, but then there are occasional characters who are portrayed with a much more theatrical, broad style. Su She's villainy is not given a lot of layers; he's playing a type, more than a person.

Many of the villains in The Untamed are played this way, but not all. Wen Zhuliu, for example, is a genuinely horrifying bad guy while also conveying depth and ambivalence--despite having hardly any lines. And JGY is a masterpiece of a performance. For Su She, the directors or the actor have opted for "sniveling backstabber" as a type, which is unfortunate, because it robs his final scenes of emotional impact.

Lan Qiren tells the disciples to get to safety. He rushes forward, gamely getting his ass kicked by human cuisinart Wen Xu.  He's not as effective a warrior as either of his nephews but he's a brave S.O.B.

Hanguang Jun to the Rescue

Before things can go completely pear-shaped, Lan Wangji sails in with his guqin.

The Blue Steel technique of the Lan Clan

Like many gifted learners, Lan Wangji's musical abilities are more advanced than his social skills. Here he musically makes the ground literally explode, almost as if it had been specially rigged with incendiary charges.  

Lan Wangji is very pretty when he's worried, and his affection and concern for his uncle is touching. He's 100% not interested, as we will see, in Lan Qiren's whole "lets all die for the future of the Lan Clan while my nephews hide" agenda. He's on his own agenda of smiting the wicked and protecting the weak.

Notice how Su She is standing right next to Lan Qiren here, even holding his arm? The next thing that Lan Qiren says is to tell all the disciples to keep up as they run into the cave. Somehow Su She totally does not keep up, and he gets caught outside along with a bunch of other disciples.

Giving Up

Wen Xu and his men kill most of the other caught disciples, and then threaten Su She, asking him how to get into the cave. In fear for his life, he tells them. Not cool, Su She, but possibly forgivable. Although when you voluntarily join a, you know, battle cult, physical courage is kind of an important qualifier.

But this shit here...

They didn't fucking ask about the books, douchebag.  

Su She was there in Lan Qiren's house when the two heads of his clan knelt to each other, each claiming the right to be the one to stay behind and die. And he heard Lan Qiren say that the ancient books are the foundation of the clan and that only if LXC and the books survive, will the clan continue. By giving up both men, and pointing out the book situation, Su She has totally earned his expulsion. 

Lan Wangji Takes a Stand

Lan Wangji decides, for the first but not last time, to openly defy his uncle...and it's got nothing to do with Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji is a hero, who follows the dictates of his conscience. His conscience is extremely filial and extremely orthodox, but he’s got a growing open-minded streak.  This is going to cause a whole lot of conflicts for him over the next few years.

This time, however, he manages to skate out from under the whole disobedient, unfilial thing by citing Lan Yi's directive, which means Lan Qiren has to accept it because she's his predecessor and elder relative (She is probably not a literal ancestor, since she spent her life in a cave putting fucking headbands on fucking rabbits which probably didn’t leave time for having babies).

This is a pretty extraordinary moment for Lan Wangji and for Lan Qiren, because Lan Wangji just asserted his own form of authority to do the exact opposite of what Lan Qiren wanted, and Lan Qiren just sucked it up and let him.

It's also very different from western stories involving a holy McGuffin such as the Yin Iron. Lan Wangji's solution of "fuck it, just let the bad guys have it, it's not worth so many people dying for" is refreshing and surprising to me, a westerner raised on The One Ring, the Grail, the Death Star Plans, etc.

Lan Wangji steps out of the cave and uses a sword blast to save Su She, the ungrateful bastard, from getting stabbed by Wen Xu. Then he surrenders, and they break his leg to slow him down. This does not actually incapacitate him, because he is Lan Fucking Wangji, already a BAMF at like 17 years old. When they whack his leg, his chunk of Yin Iron falls out onto the ground.

That thing was in a magic bag of holding before. So...it just falls out when you whack him? If they whack him again will his guqin fall on the ground? What about candy?

Archery Practice at Lotus Pier

Meanwhile, back at Lotus Pier, the brothers are enjoying some quality time together before they head to the hostage-taking indoctrination.

Wei Wuxian is such a great cultivator that he can hit a distant target even when he jerks his bow upwards as he releases the arrow.

Jiang Cheng seems fairly pleased, and proud of his brother. He's competitive and fundamentally grumpy but not, at least here, a sore loser.

Club Ruohan

We go over to Da Club, where Wen Ruohan is yelling at Wen Qing for letting Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian go. He names them both, so they're becoming more and more known to their enemies. Which is not a good thing.

He menaces her with the zombie mosh crew, having them kill a dude in front of her and then saying her baby brother will be next in the circle of zombies if she tries any more stunts. Neither of them can imagine how much zombie ass her baby brother is going to kick, later in his (un)life.

Side note: What is up with WRH’s hair? Why bother pulling your hair up over your ears if you're going to leave an enormous curtain of it over your face? It's because he knows there's a wind machine next to his throne, isn’t it?

Leaving Lotus Pier

Jiang Cheng: when I ran off earlier in the year on my road trip you didn't pack a goddamn thing.

Wen Indoctrination

Is it even possible to stand next to this much active volcanic shit and not, uh, die? I live in the tornado part of the US so I don't know much about lava (yet. 2020 still has 2 months to go). But it seems like it would be hard to breathe the air. Also they appear to build houses on lava piles, which seems imprudent.  I say that even as someone who plays The Elder Scrolls Online, which is full of lava towns and nonsense like “ash farming.”

Nie Huaisang is adorable at all times, but particularly here, when he's so happy to see his friend who *didn't* fuck his gege and then abandon him without an explanation. 

Nie Huaisang: I'm so glad I can count on Wei-Xiong to be consistent and not vanish for months, or become a traumatized shell of his former self, or, like, horribly die.

Jin Zixuan isn't quite as happy to see Wei Wuxian.

Wen Chao enjoys the sound of his own voice way too much, and is malevolent and boring. On the plus side, he likes to stand with his hand stuck out in the air, which is fun for your resident photoshopper.

Nie Huaisang is so miserable every time he's holding a sword, or blade, or whichever we're supposed to call this. He's got his fan tucked into his belt, which is sweet. He is happy to give up his sword but don't you dare try to take his fan.

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian is worried about Lan Wangji, and Jiang Cheng isn't.

Lan Wangji shows up under guard, and takes his position at the front of the line, but without any extra disciples. The Wens let him change into snowy white robes after breaking his leg which will go well with arterial blood spray. He's focused and is determined not to interact with Wei Wuxian in this public context.

When I was little, I would sit near my best friend at church on Sunday, but not be allowed to talk to her until church was over, and it was exactly like this. She was good at churching and I was hyper and hated church. We are still best friends and these things are still true.

This interaction is like a thumbnail for the whole dynamic of these three boys: Lan Wangji outwardly ignoring Wei Wuxian while having many interior feelings about him; Wei Wuxian demanding attention and creating a bit of a scene, due to his very genuine caring; Jiang Cheng telling him to leave that boy alone for fuck's sake.

Lan Wangji: Stop trying to talk to me Wei Ying, I’m busy composing a song in my head about the two of us and our love for each other. 

[writingsweetroll]

**Summary: Louis has worries for his one year old, and Clementine soothes them by opening up about her own issues.**

Louis tried his best to not toss and turn, he really hated these beds. They were so springy, you do anything on it, so much as lay a hand on the mattress and it would make a springy noise. The noise wouldn’t annoy him as much if Clementine wasn’t laying beside him, he quickly found out she was a very light sleeper. It broke his heart that she wasn’t born a light sleeper, she just adapted to being one due to all of the trauma she faced. He wanted to make sure she got as much sleep as she could- so tossing and turning would definitely awaken her and that was the last thing he wanted.

So, he lay stiff as a board. Looking above to the mattress above him. He anxiously counted the number of bars holding the bed above him, distracting his mind to the best of his abilities. Because every time he couldn’t sleep at night, his mind went to dark places. *You have no idea what you’re doing.* He would think. That main thought spiraled out of control to other thoughts. But, that one main thought started from the time he was child, to now. It adapted to whatever situation he was in. As a child, ‘You have no idea what you’re doing’ related to the spelling bee, now, it is related to parenting his one year old daughter.

He grabbed the chair next to the desk, and placed it near the bed. He sat on it and watched her sleep soundly. A warm feeling was felt in his chest, unknowingly smiling ear to ear. He examined her features, and the midnight moon shone upon her face. She mainly had Louis’ features, his freckles, skin color, and eye shape. But, her lashes were full and her eyes were as golden as Clementines, her hair was also kinky just like Clementines. She was a perfect mix between the two.

*You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?*

Louis furrowed his brows as the thought entered his mind. No matter how many baby books he read, or conversations with Clementine he had about how to raise a baby into childhood, his mind was never satisfied with himself.

*To put your girlfriend through so much pain during her pregnancy, so selfish to bring a kid into this world, you’re a monster.*

That wasn’t true. Louis knew it. It wasn’t a mindless decision or an accident, it was multiple conversations and respectful debates about when or if they should start a family. After weeks, they decided together that they wanted a family, and they had enough resources to do so. And the pregnancy went better than expected, minor pain here and there, and the delivery had no scares. Thankfully, whenever Louis would remember this, it seemed as if thoughts grew quieter, and instead he imagined a world where the apocalypse wasn’t here. He wondered what her parents would think of him, or Lee, even Kenny. He didn’t know much about them, but he knew enough to know she cared deeply for them.

Suddenly, his daughter sniffled, causing him to go into panic mode. He calmed himself down once she went back to her normal state. It was spring, and it was just allergies but he was still terrified of her getting sick. Louis sighed, slouching against the chair now.

Although Louis truly thought he didn’t know what he was doing, he knew one thing. He’ll never be like his parents. His father, manipulative and a gas-lighter. His mother ignored it and was just focused on her public image instead.

*“Chin up, baby.” His mother whispered down to him. “Play your little piano and smile.”*

*His mother’s tone was sweet, and caring. But Louis wasn’t stupid. He knew his family milked his skills during fancy business parties like these ones. But, he played the piano nonetheless, because this was the only time he could truly feel like he had an audience that enjoyed his talent, his dream.*

*“My son! Ladies and gentlemen!” Louis’ father widened his arms towards Louis playing the piano. Families of prestigious wealth clapped for him. In this moment it was bitter sweet, should he feel happy that people enjoyed his music, or should he feel angry that his parents only supported him if it benefited them? Louis brushed off the confusing feelings and instead put his emotions into his music, making it authentic and oddly charming.*

*“Beautiful, Mandisa.” A woman patted his mothers shoulder. “You’ve raised a wonderful son.”*

Louis slightly groaned in irritation. ‘*They raised a horrible kid.’* Louis thought to himself. Now that he was older, he realized that he shouldn’t have beat himself up as much as he did when he was 17. Guilt had always occupied his mind when he thought about what he did, how he broke up his parents. But in reality, they raised him like that. They raised him to think of yourself first, not others. Survival of the fittest.

*“Please, I have a family William!”*

*Louis sat on the couch with his mother, they were just chatting when they heard the commotion coming from the office room. His father opened the door and held his hand out. “You’re not needed anymore, Mark.”*

*“I-I’m not needed?! Are you serious!? I helped you start this business, what the fuck man?!”*

*“But- Mark. You seem to forget. People like me. People like my beautiful ‘exotic’ wife, people love my son. What do you have Mark? A regular housewife, who’s pregnant and unattractive? A son who doesn’t excel in school? He doesn’t even have a talent to show off. You’re dragging me down. You understand, don’t you?”*

*“Excuse me?! The fuck did you-” Mark gulped as a security guard walked up behind him. “Fine.” Mark muttered.*

*The guard escorted the man out. Louis’ father looked at Louis with a smile, as if he didn’t just ruin someone’s life. “See son,” he started. “-sometimes, we have to make the hard decisions to get what we desire. It’s just business. Nothing personal.”*

Business came first, passion and feelings came last. That way of life ruined his childhood. He believed from a young age hurting others to get what he wanted was ok.

He gently stroked Willows head, *‘I’ll never teach you that.’* He thought to himself. No matter what, he’ll always make sure she knew it was ok to express herself, to talk about her feelings. He wanted her to know that no matter the situation, she was loved and *accepted.*

“I promise.” He whispered. “I promise I’ll give you a better life than mine.”

Suddenly, he felt slender arms wrap around his neck, a semi-heavy weight on his shoulders. He smiled, hearing Clementine mumble something out of exhaustion.

“What was that, darling?” Louis asked, holding her forearm.

“You’re doing great.” She yawned. “You don’t have to keep worrying Louis. You love her and that’s—“

“The bare minimum, Clem.” Louis cut her off.

“-not really. Not anymore.” Clementine said sadly. “Even back then, dads used to run out on their kids, unable to either provide a stable life or love. You could’ve ran out so many times, so many opportunities and you didn’t.”

“Why would I ever do that?” Louis replied, almost offended.

“I’ve seen it happen before. Of course I knew you wouldn’t but…there’s always that lingering exit you can take, and the urge is probably there for you-“

“Clementine.” Louis said sternly, waking her up a little. “I would *never* do that. Do you really think that?”

Clementine stayed quiet. In reality, no. Of course she knew Louis would never leave. It was just her inner insecurities popping out, she’d hidden it for years but it came out eventually. The *constant* fear that she would be alone again lingered in her mind. Louis noticed her silence and sighed. He got off his chair, and then hugged her tightly.

“Isn’t it crazy?” Louis chuckled.

“What?”

“How we only started dating a month into knowing each other.” Louis started, caressing her arm a bit. “Now, we’re in a family together. Clementine, I didn’t fight a war with you, fell for you in the middle of it, wrote songs about you, spent literally almost every second with you for the past 4 years to just leave.” Louis reassured.

“But now we have a kid.”

“Even more of a reason to stay. I mean *who* can actually say they have a kid with the most beautiful, bad-ass woman of the apocalypse world? Only me! I’d be a fool to run from that.” Louis joked.

She shook her head, a big smile on her face. Louis kissed the top of her head, pushing her slightly towards the bed, there he dropped her on it. She got into a comfortable position, and Louis lay next to her.

“I was serious.” Clementine broke the silence. “When I said you’re doing great. It’s not only the love you have for her Louis. You don’t even go to sleep before she does. Even though I tell you I got it. You care deeply for her and that *is* enough.”

Louis sighed, twiddling his fingers with one another, only staring at the bars above him. “I know. Thanks. Sometimes it just feels like I’m not enough, even before Willow.”

“Louis…” Clementine muttered sadly. The thought of him degrading himself saddened her. She sat up, grabbing his curious glance. Clementine took off her oversized sweater, a tank-top underneath. There was enough moon-light to see the faint, pink branded mark on her arm. She slid her fingers over it slightly, a grimace appearing on her face.

“You finally gonna reveal the meaning behind that?” Louis chuckled, over the years, she’d always refuse. ‘*The past doesn’t matter.’* She’d say.

Although he was joking, she wasn’t.

“I got this when I was 13.” Clementine started.

Louis shifted himself upwards, a frown shown on his face as he eyed the scar.

“I only did it to make sure AJ was safe. But, then he got ripped apart from me in the same group. After that, I had nothing more to lose. And when you have nothing to lose…you do scary, stupid things. I was horrible, Louis. I wasn’t the same person you know today.”

Louis nodded, taking in her words to the best of his ability. Trying not to react negatively in anyway.

“After I got AJ back—I only had *him.* If anyone ever—and I mean, *anyone* tried anything to hurt or kill him, I wouldn’t hold back. Yes I love AJ. I really do, but that feeling of hopelessness for your own self is so damaging.” Clementine opened up. After a brief moment of silence she continued. “I didn’t have hope for my own life, only for his. I didn’t mind if I got bit, as long as he was safe, I didn’t care. Not because I was sad or anything but because I just felt like this world wasn't for me. When I was a kid, I loved to be social, playful even. I've changed so much, I was forced to. I used to be innocent. Now, I'm finally getting some sort of my old self back."

Clementine grabbed Louis’ hand and squeezed it slightly. “You saved me.” She said, her tone hoarse. Louis squeezed back on her hand.

"I'm glad to be of service." He smiled at her. “I love you.”

She smiled, and kissed his cheek. “I love you too, Louis.”