#the way that eddies sexuality is not open to interpretation to some people gets on my nerves

[lover-of-mine]

I don't think any true Eddie fan will have an issue with a Bi/Demi/No Label Eddie, some can just not like Shannon and not be convinced about the Shannon being the love of his life storyline, and read it as comphet instead. We can discuss Shannon like we discuss the issues with any of the other Love Interests.

Like I said earlier, I think most of us are down with any label as long as it ends with him out and buddie together. And we can discuss whatever issues, whatever love interest, but to completely dismiss the idea that Eddie might've been attracted to his wife until the show says with all the words he wasn't is not it. You can have whatever issues with Shannon and their relationship and the whole comphet angle, but to say someone is wrong from thinking about Eddie as bi just because they decided that Eddie is gay is wrong. Eddie has no canon label, we can see him as whatever. And sex was a part of his relationship with Shannon. I'm not crazy for thinking that man might've actually enjoyed having sex with her because he was attracted to her not because of some sense of duty created by comphet. I'm not denying that as a possibility. I'm just saying it's not the only possible interpretation.

[apartmentsmoke]

A Breakdown of BuckTommy's Storyline Going Into Season 8 - Part II (Their Relationship)

Part I here.

With part II, I want to dive into what we know about their relationship going into Season 8, how their relationship is going, and how it might affect the other characters in the show.

The first explicit mention of Buck and Tommy's relationship's was in TVLine's preview. Tim Minear mentioned that Buck and Tommy are "still getting to know each other a little better" and the article mentions they are "going strong." Their relationship is mentioned positively in contrast to Buck's relationship with Gerrard, which is a negative relationship for him.

The TVLine article also mentions that Buck will have someone to complain to. We've already seen that Buck feels comfortable with opening up to Tommy about his emotions (the coffee date in 7.05 and dinner scene in 7.10), and that Tommy knows Buck enough to tell when he is uncomfortable and might want to talk about something. While they are still learning about each other, they've both demonstrated that they're treating their relationship seriously, and, going into Season 8, they are "a couple."

Tim Minear also mentioned that they are comfortable with each other, which builds from a Season 7 interview where he stated that Buck "feels safe" with Tommy. While they have some minor troubles, the foundation of their relationship is strong going into Season 8.

In the EW article, Tim Minear mentions that they also feel comfortable hanging out with Eddie. Eddie is Buck's best friend and Tommy's friend. I suspect this means that we will see at least one scene, and possibly more, with all three of them. We haven't seen the three of them interacting without other people there before, so I look forward to what that dynamic will be like. I think the three of them will have an easy dynamic, since the emotions from 7.04 have been worked out - Buck realized the source of his jealousy, he and Tommy are now dating, and Eddie has no issue with his friends' sexualities. If there is any tension, I think it will be because Eddie is third wheeling on a new couple who are still learning about each other and there is an inherent awkwardness in that, especially when it's two of your friends and you're trying to figure out that new dynamic.

The next thing Tim Minear mentioned was that "when you couple up with somebody, it takes up some of your time...Buck doesn't have as much free time as he did before." The way I interpret this to mean is that Buck will be spending quite a bit of time with Tommy. We knew he already was - Bobby clocks that he's going to spend the night with him, and Buck goes home to have dinner with Tommy - but it's further confirmation that we will be getting more scenes of them as a couple in Season 8.

The part I elided said that Eddie will be "a little bit out in the cold," which I interpret to mean that we may see fewer Buck and Eddie scenes in Season 8. The two are best friends, so I am positive they will have some scenes together, but Eddie will have to find someone else for support. He usually leans heavily on Buck - something that Ryan Guzman has said is a pattern for Eddie that "doesn't offer maturity" and that Eddie should be "self-reflective" and realize that he has to deal with difficult conversations alone. Tim Minear also mentions that "everything was stripped away from Eddie" and it's "time for him to figure out who the hell he is."

A pre-occupied Buck also offers Eddie chances to interact more with other characters. Ryan Guzman has said that Eddie "might be seeking out Cap in a way that he never has before." He has also stated he wants scenes with Maddie, Karen, and Athena. Not being as tied to Buck allows Eddie a chance to grow as a character and develop new relationships.

I expect to see Buck and Tommy's relationship growing - and the audience seeing that through their scenes together. It also provides opportunities for the writers to explore new dynamics for other characters who often spend time with Buck. We saw in the deleted scene that Hen and Karen were curious about their relationship, and Hen comments on them when they walk into the hospital room together.

In short, their relationship adds new dimensions to the show. Buck enters a relationship with a man and navigates the 118's past. Tommy is recontextualized, and provides a support for Buck while also having his past with the 118 explored. Even though the season is just beginning, their relationship is already woven into the show, and isn't shoved off into its own space. It's ripe for exploration, and I am excited for what comes next for them.

[pinkrelish]

I know many people though the romantic relationship aspect in FOI was unnecessary, and whilst I partially agree with that, I also kinda liked it because it was some of the only time in the book we got to see Eddie happy.

As you said this actually a pretty sad book and Eddie spends most if his time in it anxious or angry, so seeing any happy moments weaved in there made me happy too.

so, i'm gonna use this as a jumping point to talk about my take on the paige plot line. this is just my interpretation, and if you read the book differently, then that's your take. our views are shaped by our individual life experiences, and those factors influence the lens which we digest media in the context that it is given. if you don't agree, then that's your experience.

that is to say—

i felt bad for paige for most of it. eddie kinda sucks lol.

i hesitate to even call it romance because that has a certain connotation, and as someone who almost exclusively reads and writes romance, very little about their relationship comes across as romantic to me.

to build context, at the beginning of the book schneiderhan makes a nod* at a popular fanfic trope: girls using eddie because they want to know what it's like to 'get with the freak'. he says he doesn't mind this because "he's not looking to be anyone's boyfriend anyway," and this self-reflection rung true to me.

eddie's initial attraction to paige stems from 1) her being pretty, 2) she treats him like a person and not a "munson," and importantly, 3) she could get him infront of an important record producer.

in his monologues where he's visualizing his future and what he's looking forward to: being a rock hero, hellfire, getting money from his dad's scheme, california... he never names her. in fact, there's several opportunities for him to think about her, but he doesn't. she's a vehicle for two of those dreams, yet he forgets her. i'm a big romantic softy, so there were two times in particular it felt deliberate he didn't mention her when he thought about what he was excited for in the future, and it kind of stung ngl. he describes how happiness washes over him from the way she looks at him, and when they're together (in a sexual context) he remarks in his head about how he wants it to last forever, but it's like once she's off the page, she's gone.

at one point he runs inner commentary about how he never saw a future for himself where he'd do the whole meeting-someone's-parents thing, so he defaults to what he sees in romance movies. he opens the van door for paige and helps her inside. he gets flowers and expensive chocolates for her mom when he's invited over for dinner. but he rarely like... talks to paige about anything that's not related to the record deal, or what she's doing in town lmao. we as an audience barely learn anything about her. and maybe that's because it's the plot line in the book the least, or because the book itself is short, but *shrug*.

they clearly both like each other, that much is clear. he gets nervous around her, it's sweet. but it was equally clear from my interpretation that she likes him more than he likes her, and while they're both using each other (him for the record deal, her to move up in her industry's hierarchy by proving to her boss that she can provide him with a rockstar in the making), their relationship is very shallow and just sex, especially on his part. "not looking to be anybody's boyfriend."

i don't know if all that sums into it being unnecessary because i personally appreciate and pour over any context we're given in how he would treat potential romantic partners, but it did make me feel bad for paige since by the final reveal at the end of the book, it comes across like she invested more into the "relationship" than he did, and his last interaction with her probably felt extra shitty, even if both of them hesitated referring to each other as anything more than a friend or future roommate.

if anyone's not reading the book because they don't want to read about eddie falling in love with another girl, don't worry, it's not that deep for either of them lmao.

/* i don't know if the nod is intentional, but i've also used popular fandom tropes ("reader comes to eddie wanting weed, but is out of money and pays for it with sex") in my own work and thought it was a neat inclusion.

[pluttskutt]

Eddie and Steve are in Steve's bed, cuddling while watching a movie. As always, Eddie's mind is heavy with thoughts racing through his mind on a loop. "How do you see me?"

It's a dumb question, yeah. It falls into that category of "don't ask questions you don't want answers to" but he's been wondering for a while now. Insecurity eats away at him. Does Steve find him attractive? No, obviously, but in some way, does he?

"With my eyes?" Steve answers, uncertain because that doesn't feel like the answer Eddie wants but he's not sure what else the answer could be.

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Eddie stirs from their position to sit up. It's a bit of work because Steve doesn't want to budge from his chest but he relents soon enough. "I mean, how do I look to you?"

"..." Steve opens his mouth, frowning. "In what context?" he asks, not wanting to give the wrong answer again.

"The context of what you like about me. I know you're not attracted to me but you know I'm attracted to you, and sexual attraction isn't your territory but do you feel anything when you look at me? Or am I just not ugly?" That's what he said about Henry Cavill just the other day and Eddie hasn't been able to shake it off since.

Steve's forehead creases while Eddie speaks, and he averts his eyes to look at the bed. He crosses his legs and glances at Eddie. Words are difficult because others interpret them in other ways than he meant them and his point gets lost.

Biting his tongue not to rush words out (Eddie knows better than to pressure him) he offers a gentle smile in hopes of encouraging him to speak.

Steve glances up at the big brown eyes. "I feel happy." It doesn't feel enough, and it isn't, but he has to be sure his words are right. "You're beautiful. Sorry, uhm, do you prefer handsome?" He snaps his fingers without making much of a sound, fidgeting with the closest things at hand-which happens to be his fingers.

A soft blush heats up Eddie's face at the compliment. "Beautiful is fine," he manages to stutter, running a hand through his hair. "I- Thank you."

"I like your style, how you accessorize like... uhm... how much care you put into how you look. Your rings... your hands are pretty, and I like that you're growing your hair out but keeping bangs because I like to look at your face because you smile a lot and it's... you're soothing. Like an artwork."

Eddie blinks like a bloody cartoon character. "An... you just said... I'm art?" No one has ever told him that before.

"Mm." Steve nods, not realising how stunned he made the other. "Beautiful, precious, rare, and I want to touch you but in a... not in the same way you want to touch me, I guess, but in a... uhm... study? Almost, but not really. It's not like I want to trap you in a room and study you but you're pretty and I like looking at you."

Precious repeats itself in Eddie's mind on repeat over and over again.

"Sorry! Was that too much? I'm not great at explaining myself. I'm sorry." Steve runs two hands through his hair, afraid he's said something to insult the one he just did his best to compliment. "I'm not good at complimenting appearances okay? Not in the way that people want me to." They want to be called hot, sexy, or whatever else they think. He's got sexy down somewhat and can throw it out when friends want an outfit check but it's a foreign concept still.

Eddie reaches out to hold his hands and stop them from scratching his skin red. "Screw what people want, baby, no one has ever complimented me like you." He raises his hands to his lips and kisses his fingers. They don't do much of that because he doesn't want to overwhelm Steve, but the way his cheeks blush and he smiles assures him this is wanted.

[funnylovepuppis]

I should probably shut up about it because there is so many other people talking about it. But I can't stay silent about it. I can't stress enough how upset and uncomfortable I am with being here in buddie fandom right now.

As a bisexual myself, I agree with the importance of its representation in mainstream media. Especially when it comes to male characters, who are really low in static speaking. We can all agree on this, and hopefully, we can all see it. I'm really thrilled about Bi Buck's journey and about finding his happiness. He's not fixed, he just found out about his other sides he never knew they were existed before. As @m3r1m4r5u333 said in their post, bisexuality is not a personality, just a small piece in whatever color that is a part of many more pieces of soul. Buck, like many real-life people, is trying to figure out himself. I honestly don't think that self-journey will ever stop, not just on sexuality but on many other things. That's how living is, right? So yes, it's very exciting and kind of carefree for him, and I'm truly happy. He deserves it big time after all that he has been through. And I really think that Tommy is genuinely the right person for him at the moment.

But aside from me being bi, I'm also demisexual. Honestly it's more than that for me, because besides the need for emotional connection before sexual intimacy, I need some degrees of emotional connection before even getting into dating. So as you can see, I'm very much attached to Buck and Eddie relationship. I'm mostly finding myself a lot in Eddie's character. I do feel a lot of pressure on starting to date someone nowadays. And I'd probably be single for a long time because that's kinda how how people go to date. You meet someone you like and interested to explore the romantic dynamic and that someone is a completely stranger to you so it's kind of scary and stressful.. I'd rather be someone's friend and then lover..

Yes, best friends have a different kind of love than just two friends. That doesn't necessarily mean that it must have a romance subtext or under the surface, especially when it comes to two people of the same gender. And sure, all the things related to buddie are open to interpretations and any ways that people who see it differently are pretty legit.

We can argue about why things are the way they are. I can acknowledge that Eddie is not in the same emotional place as Buck, and it can be taking a long process for him, if at all, to realize his own feelings about himself and Buck. But at the same time, I can say that although it seems like Buck and Eddie communicate in a very healthy way, there's a sense of underground miscommunication that leaves both of them scared to make a move or talk about their deep feelings and observations on their own relationship. Because what they have is great, so why ruin it for a good change, right? And there is lots of evidence that saying buddie are partially soulmates. Having back from each other. Their reactions are when the other one is in a dangerous situation, such as the firetruck, the wall, the shooting, and the lighting strike. The will. The family moments of Buckley-Diaz. Going to each other's home as a safe place. The teasing from surrounding people about them. The jealousy. Their parallels to other couples on the show/

I guess I'm trying to say to the people who are feeling like some people are not very happy about Bucktommy because they are not appreciative of the new queer couple or the very fact that it's B-Buck canon. I understand the need for bi-representations and am happy to see that. It seems very worth the long wait for this. And yet, I want to say, give buddie stans time, including me. Because our feelings are legitimate and matter, too. It may come as rude or not excited about Bucktommy, but I think this is coming from being afraid and uncomfortable with how quickly many people from the fandom are shifting from Buddie to Bucktommy, even if they still believe in Buddie Endgame. Give us time to fall in love with this couple and connect with them. Give us time to warm up for them. Give us time because we have been attached to Buddie for 5 long years. We have been memorizing all of the episodes, plots, and quotes. Writing for 5 years, Buddie fics. Making beautiful gifsets and fan art.

Thank you for reading this if you have reached this far. 🩷

[finniestoncrane]

Y’know, there’s one thing I don’t get about Arkham Rids. And it’s the whole bit about him being aro or ace or both. Lots of people say he’s aro/ace because ‘the base nature of (Catwoman’s attachment to Batman) disgusts’ him. And that’s fine. Honestly, I’m disgusted by it too sometimes. And so are some people who aren’t into BatCat in general. The thing that gets me is that people use this one line as evidence or something, and then leave no room for discussion, which I think is a bit stubborn. Yes, their overtly sexual relationship grossed me out too. Yes, I myself am arospec and aspec. But that’s the thing, it’s a spectrum. So while I understand that people get frustrated that he may very well be one of the few characters in media who is aro/ace, people have to understand that 1. It’s a spectrum. Attraction is a very complicated thing. 2. One line, does not a confirmed aro/ace make. And 3. I’m sure lots of allo peeps can be disgusted by a ‘base nature attachment’ as well. Lots of people, regardless of orientation don’t like hearing about what I can only assume Riddler interprets as an extremely sexual relationship that somehow breeded feelings. Which, to me at least, sound more like a demisexual sentiment that a flat out asexual one. It’s fine either way in my opinion. It’s just frustrating to me how some people aren’t open for discussion or nuance. Especially when I myself fall into said nuance.

hello lil beloved! i am not qualified in the slightest to discuss aro/ace spectrum stuff because i am a monogamous slut who loves romantic things

but as for the eddie, i think it's probably coming from two places:

wally wingert said in a cameo i saw once that he can't see the riddler flirting, he doesn't see him being romantic or anything like that. i think he might also have mentioned it in a behind the scenes interview or something? that plus i guess some people think that if he had a woman captive and didn't shoot his shot, then he's not into that? but that's a stretch and a little bit weird lmao

here's the thing though, there's so much eddie does say and doesn't say, and it's all down to how you interpret a character or their tone. some people go MAD for arkham!verse riddlecat, they see sexual tension between them and the way they talk. some people see eddie as canonically bisexual because he's depicted as such in other canon sources. some people see him being repulsed by catwoman or batman or sex in general. which brings me to the second point:

canon doesn't matter a tiny bit when people have their favourites. you can do what you want, you can think what you want. i headcanon arkham!eddie as bisexual, monogamous and autistic, because i can. and because the source material doesn't say that he isn't. and even if it did, it wouldn't stop me lmao which i think is where the big thing with eddie (and a lot of riddlers actually!) comes from. there's that little bit of a suggestion, a lil bit of hope and like you said, people cling to it, because the representation isn't anywhere else for them!

but ultimately people can do whatever they want for whatever reason forever and ever 💚 i know it's maybe annoying when some people won't hear you out about it, but also, they don't have to. which sucks for you, but they're entitled to be stubborn bub!

all that matters is that he's fictional and that people can do what they want with him u-u 💚

[will80sbyers]

ppl here are stressed or worried about mike's sexuality meanwhile I am more worried about other things. at the end of the day, mike's sexuality could just stay as 'unlabelled', he'd just be portrayed as 'queer' overall and it'd be fine in itself.

but there's other topics that i am worried about;

1- max's coma situation, she's now portrayed as brain dead. and i worry abt how its gonna handled. maybe an unpopular opinion, but i wouldn't like it if max is brought back and then is completely healed without having permanent damage on her body. it's a hard topic to be addressed and I'm worried how it's gonna appear.

2- lucas and erica's storylines, some scenes in S4 were too much triggering, but i have little to no hope that they will be addressed. and i am not sure if the writers learned or realized the writing in that and how it came off as... so idk.

3- dustin's whole eddie grief situation. i get that the duffers intended to give dustin a more personal loss and depression/grief, but i wouldn't want it to be dustin's whole story arc or a major story focus for him.

4- will's whole character, he has too much under addressed issues from s1 due to his upside down experiences, or his possession (which was f-ed up), his internalized homophobia, overall i am not sure how they're gonna deal with all of that esp his supernatural plot.

5- i wouldnt want jncy to be underwhelming, but i am not sure if the duffers are gonna continue teasing stncy or not. i think it is very reductive to jon and nancy's characters and relationship, as well as unnecessary to steve's own character.

I don't care too tbh I am just saying what I think is happening when I talk about Mike being bi, I'm not saying it because I like it more, it's just how I interpreted stuff in the show but he could be gay too and I would be happy if he ends up with Will and is happy at the end of the show and I'm repeating this same thing since day one... the only annoying thing to me is constantly having people tell me that I'm making drama just because I'm sharing an opinion or a theory about bi Mike... the tag is for ALL of us not only gay mike believers 😅

For the rest of the stuff

1) I think maybe Max is not going to be able to walk anymore or she could be blind to one eye, I don't think she will be completely healed but I think she will come back to Lucas!

2) sadly I agree with you on this, I'm not sure they will handle Lucas and Erica as well as they should... I can only hope they have listened to the feedback online, they are usually open to criticism and they are open to listen to the input of others so I hope they will do the same for this matter

3) I think Dustin is going to want revenge for Eddie, maybe? I'm not sure but I think they have to focus on that because what Dustin lived through marked him forever sadly :(

4) I have faith they will deal with that in a good way because they are building Will's character arc since before season 1 even started!

5) I personally right now think Jonathan is probably dying in s5 so Idk what to think about Nancy's finale... I think jancy is going to end in tragedy but I really hope not and I hope that even if jancy doesn't happen she just focuses on her career after and not Steve...

@cluelessbees told me a nice idea about Steve's arc for s5, basically the ides is that he's going to focus on his platonic relationships next season and be a support for Dustin's arc and Robin's and maybe he's going to feel guilty because if he went with Max instead of going with Nancy (because he likes her) maybe things would be different now, if he had accepted being the babysitter maybe Max wouldn't be in a coma?

[leandra-kinard]

I think that reading worked really well up until including season 6. Before that, we've never actually seen him have any sexual chemistry with a female character except Shannon at the very beginning (and I've written long posts on how, especially for men who, in tendency, can separate the physical aspects of pleasure from actual attraction more easily than women averagely can). There were so many small 'hints' that very plausible could be read as him being gay and just repressing the hell out of it.

But after season 6, this did change. We've seen him actively and enthusiastically engage in sex and sexual fantasies in a way that makes it far less plausible, or even entirely implausible for him to be gay. Bi, yes, but not gay.

Which also makes me think (and there are several clues for this beyond just the text, namely the 'rumor' that Tommy was supposed to get with Eddie first before they decided on Buck) that they always kept that door open. I believe gay/queer Eddie was ONE of many avenues the writers could take, and that they deliberately included those details for a plausible 'in-hindsight' reading.

People think too much in terms of absolutes, of "this was true once, so it must be true forever"; they view characters and their potential interpretations or canon developments like real people instead of seeing the characters as a product of writing decisions where certain elements or developments can be discarded, changed, even retconned in some instances.

If you've ever written a long, complex fic you know this to be true. You know you sometimes have two, three options for a certain storyline to play out, but you're not sure yet which route you'll take. So you write it in a way that all of them would work and be plausible until you do decide on a final outcome. Which then renders the others no longer true, but also still valid as a previous interpretation. It's Schroedinger's cat. You only know which of the equally plausible options was true once you open the box.

Which, by the way, does NOT mean this was queerbaiting. Queerbaiting means you never intend to follow through with it, not that you're keeping your options fluid.

Anyway, TL;DR: reading Eddie as repressed gay was valid in the past. As a theory, it has lost a lot of its supporting evidence in season 7, but that doesn't mean it was never valid.

The second reading as laid out above is also really interesting and makes just as much sense (or more, by now). It's a good and important story, too.

I think I might be breaking with hardcore BuckTommy shippers here but I do think Eddie has elements of his story that can be read as compulsory heterosexuality and therefore queercoding. Sure, Buck has always been way more explicit in the teases that he might have a little sugar in the bowl (Tapeworm Guy, Eddie, Josh, TK), but …

Eddie’s story leans itself extremely well to the idea that he’s gay but he’s tried really hard his entire life not to be and to instead be the picture perfect family man and his efforts to do that have only backfired. He describes his life as “suffocating but nice and warm. He refers to dating his son’s teacher as something he “thought could work” that Chris loves her so eventually he thought he would too. Guzman has also mentioned that Eddie’s standards for women revolve around Chris and Chris only (“this is a nice woman with good values and my kid seems to like her) rather than any real attraction or desire for companionship.

It can also be read as a straight man who has only ever truly been in love once, it ended tragically, and now he is so focussed on recreating that exact love that he’s sabotaged his chances at loving someone new because it wasn’t exactly how it was with The One. Nowhere is that more explicit than in the Kim subplot, where he literally recreates his first date with Shannon with Kim. His difficulty in maintaining relationships with women outside of “letting them mother Chris” seems in large part due to the way his father was gone so much for work and that’s his model for what a family should look like. We see that following his parents’ model just doesn’t work in his and Shannon’s case from their argument in season 2 where she said she “needed a partner and coparent and you were in Afghanistan!” and in part, his lionization of his and Shannon’s love has resulted in him recreating a system that didn’t even work the first time and until he can reckon with that reality, he’ll never have a successful relationship with a woman.

I think both are completely valid readings of his story thus far and I don’t think what you ship should effect which one you think is the Correct reading. I don’t think we should be shutting down the very real evidence for both readings over ships is what I’m saying

[rainylana]

“Was it the party?”

Eddie Munson x reader

summary: this is part two of ‘i’m always going to take care of you’. you keep telling eddie you’re okay, but he just doesn’t believe you.

warning: this fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault and sexual violence. language, trauma and ptsd. the reader is extremely confused, and terrified of what her body feels like, along with her mind. eddie isn’t trying to be an asshole, but he doesn’t know how to cope with how the reader is acting, so he’s coming off as pushy. it’s not as bad in this part, but will increase for the next part. i know everyone is different and their experiences. this is just how i interpreted my personal experiences. please read with caution. also, please give this some love<3 it took forever to write and super super long.

taglist!

also! i was going to tag more for the people who wanted part two, but tumblr said i could only tag 50 people?? so sorry if you didn’t get tagged:(

@ariesl0ves3ddiemuns0n @eddiemunnson @eddiemania @imdoingbetternow @kellysimagines @ches-86 @flowers-and-tsukki @justaproudslytherpuff @supercalifragilisticprincess @fionnthebandersnacc @imabadarsebard @ohlovelyhollow @tessiemessie @bellasfavoritesweatpants @mic429 @averysblog @antigoneidk @no0neknowsm3 @cosmic-lavender @your-starless-eyes-remain @noturmom15 @lexthemess21 @underthebatcape @catherinnn @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @ahzysauce @phantomxoxo @getbillzoned @kaqua @delilahtaylorsverson @kneelforloki @actuallybarb @imangy @avobabe87 @rovckwells @fentyreligion @genuine-possum @heeyitsg @softyutae @blowing-mikey @tripthlightfantastic @nothisispatric @aa-li-yxh @livasaurasrex @ultimate-sdmn-trash @xxhospital-for-soulsxx @hearts4laura @lillianofliterature @chaos-incorp @fvcking-gxddess

He had thought maybe you had hit your head and didn’t remember, in fact, he kept asking you about it on the drive home, because you were nothing short of a chatty kathy. You were trying too hard, and he could tell. You kept talking, trying to convince him, and yourself, that you were okay and that nothing had happened to you. However, there had been no emotion in your voice, and that was a dead giveaway. You were just speaking, your voice cracking at the vocal chords you’d damaged during your screams.

The only thing that had kept you sane was the adrenaline in your system. It was keeping you stable, keeping you from panicking. It all felt like a dream, like it had a deep fog over top of it and was becoming more difficult to remember. You used it as motivation, that maybe, maybe, it would be better by morning. Maybe things would be okay. You were strong. You’d been through worse, and you could get through this.

You were almost hyped up, in a way, thinking that this could just blow over quickly, wouldn’t effect you. Eddie was almost afraid to let you sleep, thinking maybe you’d gotten a concussion, but you needed it, thinking maybe, by morning, this would all be over. He stared at you all night until you both had laid down to sleep, and that adrenaline was the only thing that was allowing Eddie to wrap his arm around you. You had felt high as you drifted off to sleep, and you hoped so badly, that it would all be swept away like a dream.

•

You didn’t believe in god, at least, you didn’t think you did. However, something in the universe was trying to help you, maybe repay you for what had happened the night before. You hadn’t opened your eyes yet, but you felt that pain in between your legs that you had hoped so badly would not be there, but it was worse. You had the urge to let out a pained groan, a scream, but you kept thinking about Eddie. He was right beside you asleep, at least you thought he was.

You turned your neck to the side, whimpering at the pain in your nose. Your heart had skipped a beat at the sight of his empty bed, eyes settling on a piece of paper in his spot. You reached over and grabbed it.

caught called into work, sorry sweetheart. call me when you get up. love, eddie.

You immediately looked around the empty room, needing clarification. A deep, wheezing breath fell from your lips and you caught your reflection in the mirror. Holy hell. You looked just as bad as you did the night before, only worse. You looked like you were in excruciating pain, and you were, you just weren’t dealing with it yet. You moved to sit up, wincing and whimpering. You’d never felt so…stiff before, so sore, and your bones were practically snapping as you moved into a sitting position.

You just sat there, the sound of his old fan clicking with every spin. What do I do now? That was what was going threw your mind. You scanned your memories, and your face crumbled together. Nothing felt like a dream. Nothing felt like it hadn’t happened. It was all there, front and center stage of your mind. You were replaying everything like a movie in your head, gasping quietly at certain images.

Nancy’s clothes still remained clad to your skin, and you moaned at the uncomfortable feeling of how hot you felt. You started to tear up when you pulled off your sweat pants, the muscles in your back stretching uncomfortably at the angle. Dark and angry bruised were splatted like paint on your knees, the memory of being smacked down to the floor replaying in your mind. You whimpered deeply, fingers caressing them. There were a few tiny ones that went down your legs, but your knees had taken most of the damage, and they looked horrible.

Then, you tore your arms out of your sweater, softly sobbing at the pain as you tossed it to the floor. You were bare, besides your thin scrap of underwear. You didn’t have the courage to look down there, yet. Your breath hitched at the dark line across your abdomen, mind flashing quick pictures of the tub you’d been pressed against. It was a few inches above your belly button, deep and agitated, colored with red and purple splatters. You knew they’d only get worse as the days went on, and god, Eddie could not see this.

There were tiny, green spots on your shoulders, but they didn’t compare to your others. You figured you’d be covered in them by the time the sun went down again. You looked up to your reflection, squinting your eyes to see your nose. You let out a sob at the bruise, knowing you sure as shit couldn’t hide that. It was definitely broken. It felt broken. Your breathing was coming out in short wheezes, and you swore you could hear a tiny little pop every time you exhaled. There was blood crusted around your nostrils, some darker than others, indicating you had bled through the night. You looked down to your pillow. Yep, you had.

Then, you slowly spread your thighs apart, keeping your panties on. Blood was stuck to the insides, the bottom of your panties red from the flesh blood. Nancy had cleaned you, but now, it hadn’t done much good, as you were covered in it again. Just seeing it, sent you into another world of hurt. The pain seemed to triple, like you were accepting it.

What else could you do? Eddie wasn’t home, you had the place to yourself. And you thanked whoever the hell lived up in heaven, because you knew if he had been there, he would have found you out. Your eyes were wide, and you were shaking. Vibrating with a certain…energy that you didn’t know how to deal with it. You couldn’t sit up anymore, so you turned to lay on your side.

Then, you let go. You couldn’t help it, it was impossible. You let out a sob that would have killed Eddie, and you curled deep inside yourself, pressing your legs together to ease the deep stab. You needed to go to the hospital. You knew you needed to, but you couldn’t. Eddie would find out.

You weren’t in denial anymore. This was you accepting it. Something horrible had happened to you, whether you wanted to believe it or not. You couldn’t understand it. Why did it happen? Was there something you’d done to cause it? Who was it that followed you to the bathroom? You had so many questions and no answers.

You felt alone. Never in your live had you felt so alone. You felt abandoned, even, and it was damn near just as painful as what your body throbbed in. You had seven hours to do what you pleased. You had seven hours until he got back, so you could cry. You could scream and you could wish that you wouldn’t have to feel it anymore.

You had seven hours to pull yourself together. Because Eddie’s life, his freedom and his reputation, depended on you keeping your mouth shut.

•

“Fuck!” Eddie cursed, swerving in the road as he tried to keep the vase of flowers from spilling in his passenger seat. Water spilled out and stained the seats, gaining strings of vile curses under his breath. He huffed, settled them between his legs as roses hit him in the face.

Work had been extremely busy for him today, and car after car had showed up needing something adjusted. It was good, though, meaning he got more money, but still, he’d been anxious to get home and see you. He’d stopped at the local flower shop right before they’d closed at seven, and was lucky enough to find one bouquet that hadn’t been sold. He also picked out a stuffed panda with it, and even he had to admit that it was cute.

He pulled into the trailer park and slowed down his speed. He’d learned his lesson one night when the children who lived next door where out late playing, and he’d received and earful and a half from an angry mother and father. He smiled softly at the sight of his home, the kitchen light on, and he knew you had to be up and around. He was happily humming a tune to a song he couldn’t remember the name of, something he’d had in his head all day, and slammed the door to his van closed.

He fished his keys out of his pocket, the pandas arm in his mouth and vase in the other. He kicked the door in with his door, maneuvering his way inside. “Hey, sweetheart, I’m home!”

He glanced around the the combined rooms, his nostrils filling with the scent of something cooking. “Where ya’ at, babe?” He set the flowers and stuffed animal on the counter, hopping happily to what was cooking on the stove.

“Just a sec, Ed’s!” You called from the bathroom, and he sampled what seemed to be a stir-fry from the frying pan. He didn’t use to eat vegetables. He hated them, but you got him used to some, saying that he needed to eat them and that it was important. It was hard to deny you when your eyes had looked so full and bright.

“How’s the nose doing?” He shouted back at you, munching on a carrot you’d thrown into the dish. He propped himself up on the counter, kicking his feet out playfully.

“S’fine.” Was all you replied, and he tapped his fingers against his thighs as he waited for you to come out. His vision snapped to the left when the bathroom door opened.

“Hey!” He smiled, hopping down. “How’s my favorite nose in the world doing?” He smirked, his hands coming up to the sides of your arms.

You shrugged your shoulders with a small smile. “It’s okay. Hurts.”

He crinkled his nose as he investigated it, his finger coming up to trace the bandage you’d put on a cut. “Geez’ kid, you really banged yourself up, huh? Looks like you got into a nasty fistfight.”

He smirked, and you exhaled as you tried to mirror it. “Yeah. I made dinner.”

“And I got you flowers.” He bowed his arm, his dark curls cascading down. “And a panda.”

You hummed softly as you walked toward them, playing with a petal. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

You were no longer wearing Nancy’s clothes, and had put in a pair of black leggings and a grey sweatshirt. It got unbelievably hot at night, but you couldn’t risk him seeing your bruises. Your hair was slightly damp from being in the shower, but you didn’t wash your hair, or much of your body for that matter. You had only wanted to get the blood off your thighs, and you barely had the energy for that.

You’d forced yourself to get up and make Eddie dinner, because you had a part to play. You had all day to cry and wish for the sweet release of death to part you from your pain, but that time was up now. You were okay, you just needed to fake it till you made it.

“Anything for my girl.” He kissed your temple, his arm curling around your waist. Your eyes froze on the stem of a rose, his fingers burning your flesh. That feeling sent a panic through your chest, but you couldn’t give it power. No, no, no, you had a part to play.

“You hungry?” You pulled away to grab a plate.

“Starved.” He replied, hopping over to the kitchen table. “You didn’t call today. I was hoping you would.”

“Oh, yeah.” You gulped slowly, hands shakily scooping food onto his plate. “Sorry, I slept all day.”

“I was afraid to let you fall asleep last night.” He chuckled as you returned to the table, setting down two plates for you. Your portion was significantly smaller. “Thought maybe you had a concussion.”

You gripped the edge of the table tightly, gritting your teeth as you slowly lowered yourself to sit down. He stopped talking mid sentence. “You okay?” He raised a brow.

You nodded quickly. “Yeah!” You forced out too quickly, too high pitched, like a frog was stuck in your throat. “How is it?” You gestured to the plate.

“Oh, uh-” He switched his focus. “It’s good! I like that sauce you always put on this. Reminds me of chinese food.”

You smiled as you listened to him talk, your hands shakily picking up your fork. You brought the food up to your mouth, but it tasted sour against your taste buds. You chewed slowly, your stomach curling inside of itself at the foul taste. You breathed heavily through your nose.

“And so I told the guy that we didn’t have a radiator hose, and that we’d have to order one, but he just didn’t listen!”

Minutes were passing and Eddie kept talking, deep in conversation about his work day. You kept forcing yourself to nod along, to smile here and there and add a little comment, but it was becoming harder and harder. You’d barely ate anything, and you were beginning to fidget in your seat, the pain returning between your legs. God, it felt so hot in there. You looked over to the oven to make sure you had turned it off.

“Then by six o’clock this harley pulled in! Shit, babe, you should of seen her. Flames on the side and skulls on the handles!”

The pain was getting hotter, and the hotter it grew, the more you couldn’t keep your focus. With every word Eddie spoke, you kept remembering. Your mind flashed little images here and there. The feeling of the man’s hands, the feeling of his rough lips biting at your own. The feeling of him forcing himself inside you. So many feelings for one girl.

“I really think I’ll have enough money by spring. Image how badass I’d look with one of my own! Maybe I’ll get the Hellfire logo on the side.”

Damnit. God damnit. Why was this happening? Why couldn’t you stop thinking? You were having dinner with Eddie! Eddie depended on you to keep strong, even though he had no clue what in the hell was going on. You were stronger than this. You had to be. You’d had your day to blubber around, damnit. You couldn’t do this, so why were you? It was literally eating you alive, sitting there in that kitchen, eating dinner, you were being tortured by your own brain.

“Sweetheart?”

The pet name pulled out of your water like trance, your eyes growing wide as you looked across to him. “Yeah?” Your voice was thick, full, like vomit was legitimately in your throat.

��Are you okay?” He said carefully, placing down his fork.

You nodded. “Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Because you’re shaking.” He said blatantly, nodding down to your hands. You looked down, holding up your hands closer to you. Your brows narrowed. They were indeed shaking.

You swallowed roughly, tucking your hands down to your lap. You said nothing.

“You not eating anything?”

The mere thought made you want to pass out. You gave your plate a glance, blinking slowly. “I’m not hungry.”

He’d been wrapped up in telling you his work stories, a ceremony you both did every night, but now, he could tell something was off. It was overwhelming how much he took in, in so little time. His elbows rested on the table, watching you carefully. “What’s the matter?”

Your eyes batted up to him again. “I said I was fine.”

He could feel a potential argument brewing in the near future, but holy shit was that the lie of the century. He straightened himself. “Then why are you so quiet? You’re never this quiet.”

You huffed, growing uncomfortable under his intense stare. “Eddie- my nose hurts.” You pushed out a breath, your hand coming up the sore bridge.

His lips parted in question. “That bad? Y/n, if it hurts that bad then you should go to the hospital.”

You shook your head, crossing your legs uncomfortably. “No- no, it’s not that bad.”

His brows raised inquisitively at your defiance. You just said it hurt. Why were you changing your words? He sighed quietly, looking back down to your uneaten food. He was worried about you, but more so confused you. You were being difficult, and you never acted that way. What had gotten you so riled up?

You were both met with an awkward silence, and guilt swarmed over you, a sudden, intense feeling of sadness washing over you. “I’m sorry.” You muttered.

“Honey, you’re freaking me out, here.” He said with a humorless grin, not knowing what else to say. He reached his hand out to you. “Did I do something?”

“No.” You rushed quickly, your eyes growing wide. “No, no, you did nothing.” Your voice was the softest he’d ever heard, the most genuine words you’d said all night. You grabbed his hand, ignoring the feeling the contact gave you.

“Then what’s wrong?” He pressed gingerly, his other hand coming atop of yours. “You said your nose is fine, so why are-”

“I’m just- I’m overwhelmed, Eddie.” You gulped, stuttering out the words, glaring down at your hand trapped between his.

“Why?”

“I don’t know! Work, I guess.” You pushed, your breathing becoming louder, strained.

You were met with silence, and you could feel his eyes staring at you, hard. You bit your tongue, not being able to take your eyes off your hand. You let flashing back to his hands. But the hands who held you now where not his, they were Eddie’s. You had to calm down.

And he knew you were lying. Sitting there watching you, Eddie knew you weren’t telling him something. Whether it was big or small, simply something that embarrassed you, it was something that you were keeping from him, and it was obviously affecting you. Maybe it was wrong on him to push you, to keep asking what was wrong, but you didn’t get this way. It was out of your character, so it puzzled him.

“Y/n,” His hand had traveled up to your wrist, and you couldn’t keep still anymore. You jolted up out of your seat, spilling your drink in the process, and clutched your hands to your stomach. Eddie jumped in surprise, his eyes widening at your sudden out burst.

“Sorry- sorry,” You gasped, scooting out of your seat. Your eyes were brimming with tears, and tripped on your own feet trying to get out of your seat.

“Baby, hey-” He tried to reach out to help you, but you only shook your head and backed away.

“I uh- shower, I’m gonna take a shower.” That was all you said, nodding your head quickly as you darted off to the bathroom. You slammed the door quickly, locking it and turning on the faucet. Once the water began to pour, you covered your mouth with both of your hands, sobbing between your fingers. Your body trembled as you sunk to the floor, having no plans to actually get in the water. You curled up into ball, the position the only comfortable one you could seem to be in these days, and cried your heart out.

It was too hard. Pretending was too hard. You couldn’t stop thinking about it, what had happened. You had swore that you’d be okay, that all you needed to do was buck up and that you’d get through it. Without anyones help. But you couldn’t. Every time he spoke, you were only being flashed back to that night. The touch of his hands sent you into a frenzy. You couldn’t pretend. And you were devastated by this, because even though Eddie had no idea what had happened, he knew something was wrong, and it was only a matter of time before he found out.

•

He was racking his brain trying to figure out what he’d done. You didn’t want him touching you, he was able to tell that much. So he must of done something, right? He had to admit, he did sorta ditch you at the party to swim the guys, but you made it clear that was what you wanted. Did you lie? Were you mad at him for that?

You had been in the bathroom for almost an hour now, he spent that time cleaning up, trying to make up for….well, whatever the hell he did. He had changed out of his work uniform and into a pair of grey sweatpants, along with a plain, black t-shirt. His hair was wild from his frivolous he was working, cleaning up your small home. It may have been small, but you decorated it nicely.

His heart skipped a beat at the sound of the shower turning off, and he quickly pushed away loose strands of hair. He leaned against the counter, pretending to make himself look busy and that he wasn’t staring at you. Your figure caught his eye, and he turned, his eyes immediately narrowing. You hadn’t changed clothes, your hair wasn’t wet. You had not taken a shower.

Your eyes were completely bloodshot, red all around the rims. You tried to dry your tear tracks, but it was useless. It was obvious that you’d been crying, and it was obvious that you just sat in the there for the past hour. That made him feel worse, his heart sinking as you both stared at each other. Had you wanted to get away from him?

“Was it the party?” He was going to try a different approach, a lighter one, but upon sight of your tears, he couldn’t. He needed to know what was going on.

Your eyes widened. You hated that they did, but you couldn’t help it. Your hands melted into tight fists at your sides. “What?” You squeaked.

“Sweetheart, if you didn’t want me to hang out with the guys you should of just told me.” He said softly, taking a step closer to you. “I would have stayed with you, I just thought-”

You should of been relieved that he wasn’t going where you thought he was, but you weren’t. You didn’t want to talk about the party. It was all you could think about.

“No, no, I said you didn’t do anything wrong, Eddie.” You squeezed your eyes shut in exasperation, your fingers coming up to your nose.

“Then why are you so….reserved?” He couldn’t help the huff that escaped, desperate to cure your ailment. “You won’t talk to me. Y/n, you don’t even want me touching you. What did I do?” His ringed hands gestured out between the two of you.

He was overwhelming you. Already, even after your breakdown in the bathroom, you could feel yourself start to panic again. You took a deep, noisy breath as you squeezed your hands. Giving him a tired look. “Please- I just want to go to bed, Eddie. I’m just tired, alright? Don’t worry about me. I just need to sleep.” You stressed painfully, and his eyes stared at your hands, that were now shaking again.

He swallowed a lump in his throat, an uneasy feeling in his gut that was going off like alarm bells. “I can’t just- I can’t just not worry about you, y/n.” He strained, his voice growing tired at trying to pry it out of you.

Your hands moved to cover your face, your fingers pulling at your scalp tiredly. You were so tired. You felt like you could sleep forever. You wanted to sleep forever. “Do you think you could sleep on the couch, tonight?” You had no problem saying it, even though it hurt you, but you felt like you didn’t have a choice.

You slowly pulled your hands down, your lip pulling down at the sight of him. “What?” He froze. His eyes sunk, melting into a gleam of sadness. You’d never asked him that before, even when you were in a phase of constant fighting.

“I just want..to be alone tonight.” Your voice cracked at the hurt look on his face, and you grabbed your stomach to keep from curling over.

And honestly, Eddie felt like crying. He was so confused, and felt so guilty for way you were acting. You were scaring him. He’d never seen you, or anyone, for that matter, seem so petrified. But, he obviously wasn’t helping the situation. He had tried time and time again to get you to open up, to get you to talk to him, but you refused. You always talked to him, never had a problem with it before. It was just the kind of couple you were. Eddie wasn’t good when it came to processing his emotions, so his response came out dry, and border lining pissed off. “Fine.”

•

Three days later, and you and Eddie were at the worst you’d ever been. You were barely speaking to each other, and he had continued sleeping on the couch ever since you’d asked him to that first night. He was doing this purposely though, trying to give you space. He realized crowding you wasn’t going to help him. He thought, maybe, if he give you time and space to breath, you’d come to him when you were ready. That’s what he kept telling himself.

But it had been three days. Three days since you’d had a decent conversation. A kiss or a hug. You were at your worst. You were trying to keep it bottled up as much as you could when he was home from work, but it barely made any difference. When he was at work, you sobbed in bed all day, holding the space between your legs that ached. It felt like you’d been torn in two, and it hurt so, so bad, and wouldn’t go away. Your hair was greasy from not being washed. You weren’t eating properly. You weren’t doing anything.

You knew you were destroying Eddie, but you couldn’t help it. You had wanted to be so strong for him, for yourself, but you weren’t. This was bigger than you. It consumed you and became the only thought in your brain. That night when you had been raped. You had no energy, but when he’d come home, you’d at least try to just lay there in bed, but it was becoming harder and harder. Your words with Eddie were becoming far and few between. It created a dramatic tension between you. He stared at you the entire time, waiting for you to talk to him, but the words would not fall from your lips.

Your bruises looked horrible. Dark and much more angry. They hurt to the touch. Your knees ached terribly and you had to sneak an ice pack to lay with, switching it from your legs to your abdomen, sometimes holding it between your thighs. You felt as if you’d been strangled from the inside out. You felt pathetic, guilty for something you didn’t understand, like the weight of the world was on your shoulders. Your nose was swollen and it made it difficult to breath out of, the bruises now a dark, deep purple, almost black. More had sprouted up around your body. Some on your back, across your chest. A few scratches too, but you didn’t remember getting them. Nightmares had now possessed you, ruining the peaceful escape that sleep gave you. They were all foggy, but the only thing you could remember was fear, that night being replayed over and over of what it felt like.

“I just don’t know what I’m doing, man. I mean…I’ve tried apologizing, but shit, I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for! She won’t say anything to me! She won’t come near me! It’s like…it’s like she’s scared of me or something, man! I don’t know what the fuck to do.” Eddie was pacing quickly, arms flailing about, ranting to Steve and Robin who war behind the counter at the family video. He was in his work uniform, clocked out for his half hour lunch break.

“I’ve tried giving her space. I’ve tried to be patient, but damn! She’s freaking me out guys! I’m worried about her!” He was biting his nails, practically forgetting about his friends who were giving him weird looks.

“Look man,” Steve cleared his throat. “Maybe it’s just…I don’t know, that time of the month or something.”

“Oh, God.” Robin groaned, leaning into her hands. “It’s called a period, Steve, and you can’t blame that on everything.”

“Then why wouldn’t Stacy go out with me last night!” Steve argued.

“Guys!” Eddie snapped, banging his fists on the counter and making them jump. “You guys got all shift to talk about the female body, right now, I’m worried about my female, okay? Help me! What do I do?”

“Are you sure you didn’t do something to piss her off?” Robin tried again, not having much interest in Eddie’s love life. She loved you, don’t get her wrong, but she didn’t care much to hear Eddie bitch and complain all day. It was hard to get him to stop.

“Yes!” He nodded furiously, smacking the table repeatedly with hopped steps. “I haven’t done anything! And she won’t fucking tell me what’s wrong!”

The three jumped when the doorbell rang, signaling a customer came in, and turned around. “Hey, Nance.” Steve smiled, waving her over. “How’d you like the movie?”

Nancy hadn’t even gotten fully inside when she made eye contact with Eddie’s figure, and froze by the door. She gripped her bag tightly in hand, swallowing roughly. “It was alright.” She never did watch it. In fact, it was four days over due, with a whopping bill of $1:80. She didn’t have the desire to watch movies these days.

“Hey, Eddie.” She closed the door, slowly making her way towards her friends.

“Wheeler.” He nodded in a greet, barely catching her eye as he kept his focus on what was wrong with his girlfriend.

All Nancy did for the past three days was thing about you. She couldn’t eat, could barely sleep. She wanted so badly to come see you, but she was afraid of overstepping. She had horrible, horrible guilt about the party. She was blaming herself for inviting all of those people over. She wanted to come help you, to come take care of you. But she was afraid. Most importantly, she was curious. Did you tell Eddie? She came up to the counter, standing right beside him as she slid the rental toward Robin. She looked over to the side as discreetly as she could, barely even registering Steve rant about how good Back to the future 2 was.

“What’s going on?” She tilted her chin down to gain his attention.

“Huh?” He blinked, sniffling. “Oh, uh- just on my lunch break. Trying to get some dating advice from Lavern and Shirley here.” He scoffed, turning to lean on the counter.

“Dating advice?” Her big, curious eyes were full of worry, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip.

“Yeah.” Eddie pursed his lips, crossing his arms. “Y/n is being really weird. I’m worried about her.” He said quietly, guilt making him sigh heavily.

Nancy’s heart sank. You didn’t tell him. It wasn’t her place, she didn’t get a say in it, but she knew that he needed to know. She knew how dependent you were on him, how dependent he was on you. You guys told each other everything. It was just the kind of couple you were. You were handling this all by yourself, and she was thankful no one was looking to see her bottom lip quiver. “How so?” Her words practically came out in a whisper.

“Quiet.” He stared at the windows. “She’s jumpy and…I don’t know, she seems like she’s upset with me for something. Doesn’t want me to touch her. Hell, she’s barely even speaking to me. She keeps saying it’s just her nose but I don’t believe her.” He rushed, coming to pinch the bridge of his nose. “She seems so spaced out, like she’s scared. She doesn’t even want me sleeping with her. I don’t understand what I did, Wheeler.”

Oh, god, she had to see you. She had to check up on you. Nancy gulped harshly, feeling sick to her stomach. She glanced back to Steve and Robin, who were arguing about some cheap horror flick. “I could check up on her.” She said confidently.

He turned to look at her.

“If that’s okay.” She added, features shrinking against his stare.

“Could you?“ He exhaled, uncrossing his arms. “I’d appreciate it. Maybe…I don’t know, maybe she just needs a girlfriend to talk to. Can you let me know what she says? I can’t think straight thinking about her like that all by herself.”

Nancy stalled, but gave a nod. She could deal with that later.

“Hey, thanks, Nancy.” He smiled, clapping her on the shoulder, his tense body relaxing. “I gotta go back to work, but maybe I can catch up with you later?”

She parted her lips slightly, forcing a smile as guilt ate her alive. “Okay- yeah, sure.” She could deal with that later.

[buck-yyyy]

okay okay i know i talk a lot about byler but here's how i wanted the supernatural ending of stranger things v2 to go

i'm actually really proud of this ngl- (and yes i know this wouldn't leave much room for season five. shut up i still like it)

the main party confronts vecna while everyone else is.. idk they're somewhere, i haven't thought THAT much about this.

vecna is up on a hill in the upside down (running up that hill yk) while the party is at the bottom, in a V shape that is headed by el

vecna has his monologue moment, he extends his final offer for her to join him, el shuts him down

vecna says smth like "then you asked for this", el turns around

all five kids are staring blankly ahead, in a trance.

vecna has now become so powerful that he can have five people in a trance and STILL be present in the moment to battle it out. oh fuck moment.

cue dramatic music (i've now decided that it's the running up that hill epic version after seeing that scene in v2)

camera focuses on el. she is lined up with vecna. insert cinematographic parallel for how they could have been the same, but their distance shows that she chose to be different.

el now has only a few minutes to defeat vecna before her five closest friends die. EXTREME STAKES.

she sticks her hand out and does the thing. as her and vecna battle it out, which is somehow made visually interesting, it cuts in and out of the battle scene to show what each party member is seeing.

we get more info on will's relationship with lonnie. we see how lonnie's abuse shaped will's interpretation of his sexuality.

we get even more insight into max's trauma from billy's abuse, maybe see some stuff about her dad.

(eddie stans im sorry but he still died in this version) we see how eddie's death affected dustin, how important eddie was to him. maybe vecna warps old memories of eddie in order to further mess with his head.

we see the stuff from lucas on the line- how he's dealt with casual racism his entire life, and all the shit from the basketball team. we see his guilt for bringing max into all of this back in s2, now that max is in danger and he likely blames himself.

and last but not least, we see mike's internalized homophobia. we see troy and james, we see ted, we see everything. the general audience is allowed an understanding of comphet and why mike is in a relationship with el even though he's now realized that he might be gay. we see his fear and hatred towards that part of himself.

back to the main battle. a shot from behind. the party has now risen into the air. we see el through the gaps as she struggles to fight.

el defeats vecna, but in the process, she loses her powers. maybe she had to overload him somehow and transfered all her power/the energy that sources it into him to destroy him. idk, i just want her to lose her powers.

everyone drops to the ground, including el. group hug, lots of sobbing.

now for the other stuff outside of the main battle.

we see the ENTIRE party mourning eddie- especially mike.

mutual m!leven breakup. it's beautiful in a way, and they're both better off for it.

mike starts to be slightly more open about his feelings for will, hinting a byler set up for season five.

el is much more accepting of her lack of powers than at the end of s3. throughout the course of s4, she's learned that she doesn't need her powers to be loved and appreciated. SELF ACCEPTANCE ARC- COMPLETE!!!

so yeah- that's what i was hoping to come out of season four with. it obviously didn't happen, but i really was dreaming of a ton of people getting vecna'd at once- i thought (and still think) it would be super cool, both visually and as it related to the plot. big fan <33

but i'd love to hear your thoughts, both about what i wrote here and what you guys thought would happen in volume two!

[glitterslag]

(Okok I will admit it, praise-kink Chrissy anon was me lol. I need to become more comfortable expressing smutty headcannons on here BUT considering I only made this account 2 weeks ago I am juuust about ready to turn the corner when it comes to going from drip-feeding my feral side to people to letting it descend on them like a fucking avalanche ahaha)

I 100% agree with softly dominant Eddie feeling right. There is one thing that I still can’t decide, and it’s what level of sexual experience Chrissy has. On one hand while I can understand (and appreciate) people writing her as totally inexperienced, to me it feels more accurate that she has experienced the ‘mechanics’ of sex (or sexual activity at least) but perhaps not the ‘fucking incredible’ side of it which comes with being completely open, satisfied and communicative with a partner you love (and lust). But I’ve seen so many excellent interpretations that span the whole spectrum of possibilities.

But anyways so excited to read more of your stuff but also hope you’re doing okay covid-wise 🥺 it’s such a bitch isn’t it?

Ahahahaha respect for coming clean!!! And thanks for sending in the headcanon, it was 👌😍😍😍

I really know what u mean though, I still literally cringe at myself when I post anything vaguely nsfw, so idk what I'm gonna be like posting this next chapter ahahahaha

Hmm in regards to chrissy my opinion is that she has some level of experience but she hasn't "gone all the way" so to speak. She's definitely not some naive innocent person, I think she definitely knows how everything works and she'd deffo have friends on the cheer squad who were experienced and would spill all the deets of their exploits!!!

I think her and Jason dated for quite a while so she's probably only done things with him, and I think for whatever reason she was holding off on PIV sex with him. My personal HC is that on some level, maybe subconscious, she's aware she doesn't really love him and she wants to save sex for the right person/situation. I also thinks there's an element of her not wanting him to be able to have the satisfaction. To be able to brag to all his douchey friends that's he's "deflowered" perfect chrissy cunningham (yuck!)

I don't wanna give too much away but I sorta go into all that a bit in my fic! I wanna explore the process of her getting more comfortable with eddie and being able to communicate her wants and needs and vice versa 🥺🥺🥺

I'm doing OK thanks sweetie!! I still feel asbolutely exhausted tho, I really went old school with the symptoms

[none-gender-left-man]

Let's talk LGBTQ+ erasure in the Marvel Fandom

Mischaracterization in fandom is a big problem, and it's something we see from every fanbase. A character gets boiled down into a few condensed traits and their nuance is washed out and forgotten. Fanonization isn't always inherently bad, and can lead to fandom solidarity and representation through headcanon, and this can sometimes eventually have influence on canon, which can be seen in the Homestuck fandom, where eventually slash pairings that received enough attention became endgame romantic pairings (Dave and Karkat, Rose and Kanaya, etc.). Of course I'm not here to discuss Homestuck today, I'm here to discuss the Marvel fandom and its toxic dudebro fans, as well as related topics that intersect with this issue. 

There's a common mischaracterization problem in the Marvel fandom, particularly in relation to queer relationships and characters. 

First example is Deadpool. Wade Wilson is described by his canon writers and creators to be omnisexual or pansexual, or of an otherwise fluctuating and open sexuality. The Deadpool video game wildly mischaracterized Wade and even made him behave in some homophobic ways, acting grossed out by men and homoerotic implications. This was jarring for me as someone who has read his comics and knows for a fact that Wade has multiple emphasized crushes on or at least attraction to other male characters, such as Spider-Man, Thor, Cable, and others. The game was very popular despite this mischaracterization and created a condensed fanonized Deadpool that is made into nothing more than an ultraviolent oversexualized joke, despite his character being the epitome of coping humor and having a very tender and compassionate side to him. It's known in the comics that Wade uses his humor to cope with his severe trauma, this doesn't mean he is just comic relief. This has gotten consistently worse since the Deadpool films. (I'm looking at you, shitty Wal-Mart DP t shirt that shows Wade holding a sign that says "oh I'm sorry did I offend you?" Which is really OOC imho)

Many of the more hypermasculine fans of Deadpool seem to have this false image of him being the epitome of "offensive humor" when in reality his trademark is Metahumor, not going out of his way to be a dick to people. These fans also often either ignore or aren't aware of Deadpool not being straight, portraying him as thirsting after buxom ladies but forgetting his openly admitted male attracted orientation which is just as obvious if you're not actively ignoring it. This is a grave mistake that takes so much from his character, especially in the case of the Deadpool/Spider-Man team up comics. 

In that span of issues Wade went through an entire moral transformation, molding himself and his moral compass to earn the respect of Spider-Man, while unable to go more than a few pages without flirting with him. The things Wade goes through in order to Do the Right Thing by Spider-Man in any other story would be considered romantic. If a man did this much for a woman in a narrative of course no one would question the romantic subtext, but because it's two men, half of the fanbase has a kneejerk reaction to this concept and swear that Deadpool flirting is a joke. (Or that it's just "Bromance")

Yes, because apparently a man being attracted to a man has to be a joke. /Sarc

Wade and Peter are even canonically shown to be "heartmates" and this still isn't enough for the erasure to end, and ultimately I think this is because the fans guilty of this either didn't read the Deadpool comics and only know the movie or game, or they chose to read the comics through a straight washed lense, assuming all "gayness" is a joke.

It's made prominently clear in Deadpool/Spider-Man that Wade is probably in love with Spidey based on his actions, and truly every single interaction with him leaves more evidence to support this idea, especially when you look at his relationship with Shiklah and how not-good it was in comparison to his much healthier dynamic with Peter. Even with the knowledge of the ridiculous Peter Parker Policy (that states Peter Parker must always be portrayed as a straight white man in canon despite him being the embodiment of the underdog), one cannot deny Wade is attracted to Peter canonically. The only thing in the way of them being a pair is that they're both men and Marvel is too cowardly to make one of their most famous and family oriented characters queer, and that fans who aren't queer actively ignore the obvious subtext and narrative value of the Wade/Peter dynamic in the comics. Marvel has doubled down on this with the MCU by making Peter Parker WAYYYYY younger than Wade than he actually is in the comics (don't ship MCU spideypool folks, that's gross. Comics only. MCU Spider-Man is far too young even at 18), making it now impossible for us to see this dynamic on screen, because they're only capable of giving queer representation when it comes with an R rating, apparently (and they really didn't do that w Deadpool either tbh they stated that he's pansexual in some trailers but never showed much queerness in the films at all, even with Ryan Reynolds wanting to focus on Wade having a boyfriend at some point, it hasn't come to fruition bc Marvel is too scared to lose their rabid straight fans).

The same erasure can be seen in Venom, in relation to Eddie Brock and his undeniably queer relationship with the genderless, masculine presenting alien living in his body. 

Eddie and Venom are portrayed and referred to as if they're married, Venom himself states that their bond is equivalent to a marriage, and Eddie calls Venom "love". Yet again, this is ignored by edgier straight fans who refuse to see the blatant truth about the characters. 

Venom drops everything to be with Eddie, his purpose in life itself. He chooses Eddie over his biological purpose and has repeatedly been shown to do ANYTHING to stay with him, never wanting to be apart from Eddie. 

After the release of Venom 2018 this relationship is receiving spotlight again, but not without pushback. Many fans seem to have the impression that this relationship is fan generated and accuse shippers of "hamfisting gay shit into everything" when in reality they're the ones hamfisting straightness where there is none, and erasing the canon in order to fit their personal interpretation, the very thing they accuse queer fans of doing. The same thing happens with Spideypool, with Stucky, with Symbrock, with Loki and Venom's nonbinary genders, with every LGBTQ+ hero or character in Marvel this can be seen as a pervasive problem. The elitist nerds who go out of their way to delegitimize other fans are often the least fluent in the source material they claim to defend.

This is both a result of toxic fandom, and of badly managed representation on the part of Marvel as a company. I'm by no means an authority on all things Marvel, but as a queer fan of Marvel properties, I feel this needs to be said.

[novelconcepts]

yesterday i saw the discourse about the “queerbaiting” or “bury your gay” you had with some anons and yes, if i may say people — especially who’re watching bly now — don’t catch the metaphors behind the ghosts in the show. i mean, maybe i didn’t see myself people calling it a queerbaiting (mostly I’ve seen them talking about the bury your gay) but i sure saw people saying that dani and jamie were just a privileged couple, and they are bad representation .. and believe me this so hilarious, the proposal scene hint us how the 80s/90s where legal marriage wasn’t a thing were difficult ages for many gay/lesbians, or the scene in the flower shop where dani look outside the window for being sure no one watch them kissing, and mostly important: i think people don’t understand the role eddie’s, especially in his ghost form, has as the dani’s comphet that still haunt her, aside the guilty for his death. some people maybe watch it and didn’t catch how jamie in her monologue explain very well how her life was hard, it’s true we didn’t get many of her life before bly but because the whole show is around the “open to interpretation” we can assume some things, put aside that Amelia in cosycon gave us other “behind the scenes” of her character’s life before the manor. So people either saw them as queerbaiting because they don’t see the metaphor, also i think they think too much about the fact they doesn’t say explicitly they are lesbians, but in this show metaphors are something that are enough for understanding the plot, also mike and his crew tried to not focus too much into this things, trying to give characters that they have a personality aside their sexuality.

I really think people nowadays talk about in too easy way about the queerbaiting or the bury your gays, we have to be more careful about it and try to not see bad representation just because the characters don’t hate everyone around them <\3

Yeah, I think people slide too easily toward lumping everything that doesn’t personally work for them into toxic tropes, and that’s...more than a little disheartening, particularly for queer creators who want to tell complex human stories that don’t always come out shiny. I haven’t seen nearly this level of discourse with Bly, because I tend to stick to my corner of the internet, but I find myself thinking primarily of Happiest Season--a queer movie made by a huge number of queer people that was then torn to shreds by the community because it wasn’t what they expected/wanted to see. Not every piece of media is going to work for everyone, certainly, but the inclination to say “this didn’t do what I would have done, and therefore it is Bad” is really upsetting. And I think it’s dissuading a lot of creators from telling the stories they need to tell, because they just don’t have the energy to deal with the fallout. 

But the idea that Dani and Jamie are a privileged couple is...interesting. Privileged in terms of being two white women, and therefore benefitting from that element, absolutely--the most viable critiques I’ve seen of the show are all based around its treatment of POC, and that’s very fair. But I think there’s also a difference between “privileged” and “more privileged than they could be”, and they fall into the latter camp. They’re still queer women in 1987, they’re still not safe shouting their love from the rooftops, and though the show was really kind in its refusal to give bigots a voice within its framework...the timeframe is still very intentional. Plus, Jamie is a child of trauma and abuse, Dani spends much of the show incredibly caged by comphet and societal expectation, and both are working more blue collar jobs taking care of wealthy kids. I really fail to see how they’d qualify as bad rep just because the show wasn’t willing to give a megaphone to homophobia--it feels to me like the perspective of people who think you can’t tell a gay story without a traumatic coming-out lens. Which, personally, I’m over. I want more stories that prioritize queerness and the normalizing of such in various genres. I’m not interested in a constant swell of “well, now I’m gonna get disowned or abused on-camera, and that’s how you know this isn’t easy.” I want more shows that don’t feel the need to write an essay on what it means to be gay, that just...show it as a normal, human part of living. That feels like the definition of good rep, from where I’m standing. 

[hadesisqueer]

Alright, this has some The Haunting of Bly Manor spoilers, so if y'all don't want any, leave now. Lol.

But seriously, how dense do you have to be to watch Bly Manor, see Jaime's first appearance, how Dani looked at her and listen how the narrator said “The gardener did not even introduce herself to the new au pair. She barely acknowledged her at all. Simply treated as if she'd always been there. The others in the room just assumed they'd already met... which, if she was honest, was how the au pair felt when she first saw the young woman” and still be surprised when, in episode 3, Dani was clearly falling for her already? Like, it's literally the most obvious way to introduce a love interest. Miles and Flora even shared a LookTM noticing the way Dani looked at her lmao. It's literally telling you.

And how even more dense do you have to be to watch episode 2 and 3 and still be surprised when they clearly show that Dani is indeed a lesbian and they like each other in episode 4? They were so OBVIOUSLY crushing on each other from the begining. When Dani was in the garden with the kids and Jamie was like “oh she's too pretty”. When Dani is having a mental breakdown and Jamie helps her and Dani literally moves her entire body so she can watch her go with a smile on her face. That scene when they're discussing love and ownership (showing the fucking parallelism and difference between Rebecca and Peter and Dani and Jamie). The juxtaposition between Rebecca in bed thinking about Peter after a significant moment between the two of them and Dani in bed thinking about Jamie after a significant moment between the two of them and then Eddie appearing because she's starting to move on and develop feelings for someone and that makes her guilt and struggle with her sexuality worse, seeing how he continued to appear every time she was having a moment with Jamie in episode 4. The transition between Rebecca and Peter getting into the room and closing the door and Dani opening the door, going out and staring at Jamie sleeping on the couch for a second while romantic music plays in the background. THE FUCKING END OF THE EPISODE WITH DANI HOLDING HER HAND AND LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND DANI WATCHING HER GO WITH MORE ROMANTIC MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU INTERPRET THAT AS FRIENDSHIP?

Sorry but- it's just so fucking obvious since the first moment- But I actually don't blame people. I blame heteronormativity because holy shit, it really affects us if some people were actually reading that as platonic.

[reachgirl]

My thoughts on “Buddie”

 1. I think if Fox could realize that sometimes you can’t *plan* for chemistry, it just happens, and when it does it’s magic and you need to let it play out, they would be so far ahead of the curve of other shows and fans beyond their core audience would take notice.  The material IS there to defend it actually happening against claims that they just bowed down to the shippers.

2. On the one hand, I believe that the writers are very deliberately writing a lot of subtext and the directors are leaving in scenes where the actors are making certain choices, both Ryan/Oliver and Peter/Kenneth/Aisha/JLH. But is it just as a “shout out” to the Buddie shippers, or an actual deliberate effort to make a point of how close they are and how dependent they’ve become on their relationship?

3. I’ve talked before how I think deciding on your character’s sexuality before you actually write them out for a while just doesn’t make for believable humanity based on reality. If we’re looking at these two examples, 

Buck has been written in a way that could very well make him bi/pan and not everybody who is and is secure in their identity will go and talk about it constantly. I would also like to remind everyone that bi does not mean you have to stick to a certain quota, like keep your relationships 50/50 male/female. There are many people who are bi who tend to end up in more relationships/even just sexual ones with one gender, and that doesn’t make them less bi or pan. So just because we have only seen him have female love interests during the show, there are some scenes (”Your man crush on Eddie”/”I’m not setting you up with my brother/Hey Now”) that could be interpreted to mean that might not always have been the case, Maddie being the one who would have been there to witness it. We also see Buck not really caring about the social conventions - not only of who he dates - he is consistently written as meeting every person he meets on eye level - even making sure the guy who stole his identity to catfish women wouldn’t lose his dignity in death, but also romantically, we can see him building a connection with Abby through the phone first and falling in love with her as a person, and not caring about her being quite a lot older.

Eddie, and I’ve written about this before, is a little bit of an enigma. Again, we have only seen him in one relationship, and while it doesn’t seem like it was the happiest of marriages, in the end it really did seem like he loved Shannon and wanted to make it work. Up until Ms. Florez we have also seen him almost making a point of not looking to date (”They’re not my type”/”You didn’t set me up, did you?”), and that is pretty much all we know about him. Again, the fact that he was married to a woman and once flirted with one briefly, does not prove or disprove anything. He grew up in Texas, in latino culture, and spent a good amount of his formative years in the US Army, all of these can traditionally be quite conservative. From personal experience even I have seen many people who grew up in conservative environments fall in line with the expectations set for them by their communities (often very early, and Eddie and Shannon did get married quite young), especially if their community doesn’t provide a lot of LGBTQ-visibility or role models. Yes, Eddie does “act” straight, whatever that means and whether that is an actual concept, but the way he behaves in a lot of scenes with Buck, and I’ll get back to this in point 8., could be interpreted in other ways.

4. TV today has gotten a lot better at showing LGBTQ relationships that aren’t a) just on the sidelines b) serving as collateral emotional damage to drive the plot or c) are written in a way that is basically just taking a hetero-couple-storyline and casting two people of the same gender in it. I am worried that they think they can’t do the “coming out later in life” storyline again with Buddie because they already have Michael (which brings me back to point 1. Let the damn magic happen when it’s right in front of your eyes), and they can’t have another main cast LGBTQ character - or two - because they already have Hen (and Karen). Obviously these are not valid reasons, look at other shows like 911 Lone star for representation within the main cast, but of course, this is a double edged sword because there is a concern that they gave us 911 Lone Star to do what they wouldn’t or couldn’t do with the original. (On a side note, Owen Strand is the fairy godfather of Texas and I live for that show)

5. Parallels. This has been talked about a lot, and there are much better posts about it than this one. But writers aren’t stupid, or careless, so I do believe that to a certain extent they’re aware of how they are setting up parallels between Buck and Eddie’s love lives. We have them agreeing to “have each other’s backs” in contrast to Shannon telling Eddie that he never had hers. We have Eddie telling Buck that there is no one he trusts more with Christopher than him, while he makes it clear that while he thinks he can forgive Shannon, he doesn’t think he can trust her. We had Shannon coming back just as Buck decides to leave Abby behind finally, and we had Ali showing up when Shannon dies, and now Ana when the writers point out how single Buck is.

6. Themes. The episode themes in 9-1-1 are kinda like horoscopes, they’re meant to be able to work for multiple storylines and connect all the main characters through one focus. But we’ve seen a lot of themes surrounding family or trust or love that have an obvious connection to a Buddie moment on the show. Chosen Family. Home. Being able to trust your partner. Seizing the day. And even when it’s something that doesn’t immediately connect the two, the scenes are cut in a way that imply there’s a connection, like Eddie telling Chim to tell Maddie he loves her, because tomorrow isn’t promised. Chim calls Maddie to invite her to dinner to finally do this, and right before this we see Eddie asking Buck to lunch - this is probably just a coincidence, right? But we can be sure that the director, writers and cutters were aware of this, and made the choice to do it this way, for whatever reason. Because this is their exact job, telling stories through how they cut scenes together. 7. Christopher. So this might be what makes Buddie a little more unique compared to the, admittedly, dozens of other seemingly “straight bromances” that people have shipped. Most scenes we get with Buck and Eddie that are outside of work, involve Chris in some way. It’s probably safe to say that part of the reason they became so close is because Buck and Chris have a connection that I would wager goes beyond what most friends have with their single-dad-friend’s kid. We see how important Buck becomes in Christopher’s life, and vice versa, pretty much a few episodes after they meet for the first time. Eddie trusts Buck with Chris’ life, and he trusts him with any problems relating to Christopher that he needs to work through. Buck’s his sounding board for his role as a parent, which is interesting considering Eddie has other friends at the 118 that actually are parents? *cough* Chosen family *cough*

8. Closeness. As I said above, sometimes writers plan one storyline, but the magic happens somewhere they didn’t expect, and if that is the case, and you want to be faithful to your characters, you should seize that opportunity. I think we can all agree this is one of those cases where the chemistry is just off the charts. There are long looks, there is a lot of being in sync, there’s constant physical contact when they’re sitting or walking next to each other. Personal space, who? Again, this is something the director could discourage, or use a take that didn’t have Buck grab his belt buckle and invading Eddie’s personal space in his own kitchen, but they decided on this take. They decided on the take of Eddie clearly checking out Buck’s behind and Chim noticing. Now Buck seems to be pretty comfortable with closeness anyway, but Eddie isn’t the most touchy guy with anyone else, so this is noticeable. And it works.

9. Look. Somebody sat down and wrote “You want to go for the title?” and I would pay a lot of money to see the stage directions on that script because holy fuck. There’s a lot of info in their exchanges - and it implies that there are lots of moments that these two talk that we don’t get to see - Buck immediately knows about Eddie and Ana, and he knew about the situation with Shannon too (and didn’t hide his jealousy very well). When they don’t talk, it clearly gets to Eddie, who doesn’t have that many other people he really trusts and can open up to. Cue “husbands fighting in the supermarket”. But what’s also interesting to me is that their dynamic involves a lot of Eddie teasing Buck. “Exoskeleton” “Aren’t you still in that phase?” “You would have talked me into buying a more expensive one”.. and Eddie sometimes uses it to keep their conversations from getting into dangerous, emotional territory, like during the kitchen scene. And I don’t know about y’all, but that sounds like something I’ve done before when I knew there was something to get into, and I just didn’t know how or when. 

_______________________________________

Wow I could keep going but this is already so long. I’m so sorry everyone. But I figured we all now have two weeks so we have time to do a lot of reading 😅Thanks everybody for reminding me about the things that do make it seem like Buddie is an actual possibility, because most of the time, I have to admit, I’m like 70/30 against the hope of it becoming reality. Long live fanfiction! In conclusion, please make it happen, or explain all the choices you have made. YOU CAN’T! 

[dear-wormwoods]

(1) I think it's hard to tell if King intended any of the subtext in his books I mean within It there's this random bit where Bill is talking about how his writing class didn't like his horror unless it was representative of somthing and how Bill thought that was stupid which seems to be a meta critism of people's approach to literature BUT the whole of them defeating It and coming back is about growing up and nostalgia especially how our childhood trauma shapes us as grown ups

(2) (see Eddie and Bev's abuse) so like wtf King? And Eddie is so heavily coded Gay and his parallels with Bev who also struggles with her sexuality in the book just seem too perfectly aligned to not be intentional? But anyway fuck what King intended not only was he on coke for most of it so I don't think even he knows, but death of the author: if people can base academic careers on saying Iago is gay then we can do what we want no matter what he intended.

Yeah, at first glance, it does seem like he’s making some weird anti-meaning statement via Bill, but King clearly does try to make statements and provide symbolic meaning in his books. You’re right, even the most basic interpretation shows us that IT is about growing up and how while fears may change over time, the underlying trauma never really goes away, not a killer clown. That’s making a statement. King opened the book with a fictionalized depiction of a real hate crime that happened in his town, which kicks off the entire story. That’s making a statement. Sometimes (often) his way of making a statement is clumsy or badly executed, or lacks follow-through, but he definitely tries.

King knows that all good horror provides some kind of psychological, historical, or societal commentary. But Bill doesn’t know that. Bill thinks his purpose as a writer is to be surface-level spooky, and he’s so defensive about it that he, even in college, is completely unable to take criticism. I think that’s the point though! When Bill says “can’t you guys just let a story be a story?” he’s unaware that his own writing is deeper than he believes. The short story he gets an F on, the one he is (seemingly) inexplicably defensive about, the reason he so passive aggressively drops the class, isn’t JUST a story - it’s about Georgie. Bill uses his writing to subconsciously deal with the trauma of his brother’s death, to give Georgie a better ending than the one he got (in “The Dark”, the little boy beats the monster). He’s not just writing a story, he’s dealing with his past and his trauma - so yeah, he’s making a statement. He just doesn’t realize it, and neither does his professor (and why would he, based on Bill’s comments during class?). 

I don’t think readers are supposed to take Bill’s opinions literally. We’re supposed to read that section and understand what Bill is blind to, that his writing is very much not “just” a story. King was writing a novel about characters dealing with trauma and making a statement about how trauma still impacts us as adults if it’s never properly dealt with. Meanwhile, his writer character is unknowingly using writing as an outlet to deal with his trauma. It’s certainly meta, but not in the way it initially seems!

To your other point - yes we can and should interpret the text and read into it as much as we want. Whether or not some parallels and symbolism are intentional (which, I think most of them are), authorial intent doesn’t mean much once the story is in the hands of readers.