#the way she sings it after the 3 min mark oh my GOD

[evermoredeluxe]

Taylor performing All Of The Girls You Loved Before/Crazier as the surprise song on piano

- The Eras Tour in Edinburgh, Scotland (N2) on Jun 8, 2024 (x)

[gizkasparadise]

kdrama rec: welcome to waikiki

master kdrama reclist Series: welcome to waikiki, laughter in waikiki, eulachacha waikiki, go go waikiki (there are like a thousand variants on the name) Episodes: 20 Genres: comedy, romance, slice-of-life, being a tired millennial, found family, friendship  Spoilers in the Review: for basic premise and otherwise marked Rank: 10/10!!! If You Like, You’ll Like: the Chaotic Good to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s Chaotic Evil, it’s been compared to New Girl though i havent seen that show, age of youth/hello my twenties!, Friends but better like way better, my first first love but funnier, Concentrated Himbo Energy

“Gwaenchana, gwaenchana!”

PREMISE

the show opens and you’re like “ugh fuck is this going to be like The Hangover?” and, thankfully, the answer to that is no. 

dong gu, joon ki, and doo shik are long-time best friends who run a guest house/hostel called Waikiki. in addition to the guest house, they have dreams of making it in the film industry: dong gu as a director, joon ki as an actor, and doo shik as a writer. they’re barely getting by when one morning they wake up and there’s a baby hiding in a bunk bed.

the show’s a lot better than what im selling, but it follows these three, yoon nah, seo jin, and soo ah as they go through nonsense, love, and more nonsense

MAIN CHARACTERS

kang dong gu

my favorite character in the drama. a dude who never has anything go right for him, dong gu comes across as a grumpy tall boi and that’s because he is. the beginning of the drama sees him freshly dumped by his girlfriend of four years, soo ah. an aspiring director, he wants to make Filmes but in the meantime makes videos for baby birthday parties.

petty. p e t t y. p e t t y. p   e   t   t   y. i love him so much, like so so much. barfs on the first date, has a weakness for cute things, does not make flashy love confessions. single-minded with spite

lee joon ki

an aspiring actor, joon ki only gets extra/background roles without any lines. the most concentrated himbo energy in one person. in fact, probably accounts for at least 17% of all himbo energy in south korea. 

crazy positive. like all the time. will romantically shave your face and dress up as a pink octopus--not necessarily in that order. makes a situation go from 0 to 10 to 100. fakes his own death then blows his cover because he wants a hug really bad

bong doo shik

rounding out Those Three Guys, doo shik is an aspiring writer who also works a lot of part-time jobs. as he works on his Masterpiece, Bruce Lee Is the President, he gets roped into writing for the erotic film industry.

only owns sweat/tracksuits. has never had a girlfriend. sings sad songs with a hamster voice. smelly feet are a Trigger. stay at least 100 yards away

han yoon nah

the single mother to baby sol who stumbles into becoming a long-term resident of the guest house. clueless but well-meaning, she ends up working for waikiki and tries to pursue her dream of becoming a rapper. is quickly discouraged from this dream and tries to pursue Her Other Dream of becoming a professional baker.

tragic backstory so long the show had to finish it off-screen. sick beats. terrible present giver. so cute people almost die from it (people is dong gu)

kang seo jin / “chewbacca”

dong gu’s little sister and resident of waikiki. at the beginning of the drama, she’s graduated from college and is in the process of finding a job as a reporter. has the unfortunate nickname of “chewbacca” due to growing facial hair at an alarming rate (she has to shave 2x a day)

will slap you with a hunk of meat. will slap you with a car. will slap your body ever so far.

min soo ah

dong gu’s ex-girlfriend who ends up moving to the waikiki guest house for Reasons. formerly a model, soo ah tries her hand at fashion designing (results? mixed) and roping doo shik into creating an online shopping mall

makes babies cry. has clear political perspectives on THAAD. confesses feelings during an endoscopy. legend tbh

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

baby sol

the best actor on the show. the baby to end all babies. the epitome of babies. will watch the baby shark song over and over again. seems to know that her uncles and dad are complete buffoons.

son hyun joon

hot pastry daddy. 

rebecca

this car will kill us all.

REVIEW

drawbacks

the screenwriter seems to have a Weird Thing about girls farting. it only happens like 4 times throughout 20ish hours but it’s still really...something

i dont understand any other criticism of this show and i wont respond to it

reasons to watch

i fucking cackled from beginning to end on this one. like. gross, ugly, loud laughs that woke up my spouse at 3am. it’s legit the funniest kdrama i’ve seen 

the. ships. they’re all so amazing. there’s three main ones and they’re very distinct and heartwarming in different (and, in one case, very strange) ways. we got tall and small, grumpy and happy, friends to lovers, found family, sensual face shaving-

HERE’S MY FAVORITE: so the show sets up all these kdrama scenarios that im so tired of and then subverts or sidesteps them. for example:

The Ex-Girlfriend Moving In........has the male lead constantly yelling that he doesn’t like her anymore while low-key checking for the new love interest’s reactions to make sure she doesn’t believe he likes her. the ex-girlfriend also has zero interest in the male lead and gets along great with the New Love Interest

Oh My God She’s A Single Mother.....so don’t be an asshole to her (TAKE NOTES CAMELLIA)

spoiler A Friend Wants To Date A Friend’s Ex-Girlfriend..........literally no one cares. it is, in fact, not even brought up that the ex-girlfriend is an ex-girlfriend

spoiler the Rich Stable Man in the love triangle plans to confess his feelings....and tells the female lead to go after the guy she actually likes. he also helps the other side of the love triangle win a camera because his broke and he can’t afford a new one

spoiler The Baby’s Father Shows Up Wanting A Second Chance......and is told to leave 3 times then does. he doesn’t even get a name tag

it does play some relatively straight (ex: brother finding out about his sister and best friend dating and Not Taking It Well), but they’re done in an entertaining way and the melodrama throughout the story is really light/over quickly

so yeah. watch it

[imaginingthin]

Moon and the Stars (Suga) - Part Two

Character: Min Yoongi (bts)

Description: When you turn sixteen, a mark appears on your wrist. This mark is your soulmate tattoo.

Warnings: Fluff, soulmate au.

Words: 1,547 (give or take)

Hi guys! Here’s the second part of Moon and the Stars! I really hope you guys enjoy! 

“Y/N?”

You turned your head from your computer screen and locked eyes with your friend, b/f/n. You lifted your lips into a small smile, “what’s up?”

B/f/n stood in front of you, twisting her hands together, “n-nothing. Just wanted to check up on you.”

You breathed out a short puff of air and shook your head with a smile, “I’m fine! Just the same as I was the last time you asked.”

It had been three months since you found out that you did, in fact, have a soulmate. A famous soulmate. Suga from the world’s biggest boy band, Bts.

Your friend rolled her eyes, seeming to break out of her hesitant state, “no you’re not. You’ve been watching everything you can on Suga for months now. Don’t you think you should actually do something about this?”

You shamefully reached back and closed the computer that you had been watching more Bts videos on and sighed, “what am I supposed to do about it, b/f/n? He’s in the biggest band in the world!”

“Which also means that he has the biggest fan base in the world! Maybe they can help you two meet!”

You scoffed, but didn’t say anything else as you thought about what b/f/n had said. Maybe their fans - ARMY - could help unite you two. Except Suga didn’t even know you existed...

“He doesn’t even know I exist,” you voiced your thoughts, sadly.

“Well we can change that,” she walked forward and grabbed your hand, “let’s do it.”

And so that’s what you two did. B/f/n came up with a clever idea to release your name to the Bts ARMY, and you prayed that something would happen. There was a chance that the fans could help, and you had never wanted anything more than to meet your soulmate. 

Now maybe you could.

A week had passed since your friend had introduced you to the ARMY’s. And while your Instagram follower count had skyrocketed, nothing else had came out of it. 

You were more discouraged now than ever. You had found your soulmate, but now it was impossible to reach him? When would it end?

A sigh escaped your lips as you opened your Instagram. Your feed was boring as nothing had caught your eye. A knock sounded on your bedroom door and, without looking up, you invited the person inside.

“Hey,” your friend greeted, “you have a package.”

You frowned, eyeing the package that b/f/n held out to you, “from who?”

She shrugged, “there’s no address.”

Your confusion grew, but you took the mysterious box nonetheless. It was a small box, and it didn’t seem to be special at all. You couldn’t remember if you had ordered anything online.

You grabbed a sharp object to cut through the tape sealing the sides. Once it was open, you gently lifted the sides of the box to peer inside. A short letter sat on top, 

‘Dear Y/N,

  Inside this package contains two plane tickets to Seoul, South Korea. You will also find two backstage passes to the Bts concert that is taking place next week. Everything you need is in this box, and your hotel has also been taken care of. Good luck.

                                         from, ARMY.’

You covered your mouth as you sat down the letter in front of you, and opened the box again. Just as the letter had said, there were two plane tickets laid inside the box. Underneath them were two backstage passes to the Bts concert, as well as your hotel conformation papers.

With tears in your eyes, you turned to your friend. 

“It’s happening,” you laughed, “I’m going to Seoul!”

“Shut up!” She screamed, “our plan actually worked?!”

“Yes! And you’re coming with me!”

Your friend pulled you into a hug, and you finally let your tears fall. You couldn’t explain the amount of happiness you were feeling - you were finally meeting your soulmate after almost six years of waiting!

“Oh, my God, b/f/n,” you whispered, “I’m finally going to meet him.”

The day had finally come. You and your friend had flown to Seoul from your home two days ago, and were now anxiously waiting for the concert that was to take place tonight.

“Ugh, I think I’m going to throw up,” you mentioned as you fixed your outfit again. You were too nervous.

“You’ll be fine!” Your friend laughed, “trust me, meeting them is as easy as breathing. It’s amazing, y/n.”

You took a deep breath, “what if he doesn’t like me?”

“Nope,” b/f/n shook her head, “we’re not playing the ‘what if’ game. It’s going to go perfect, babe.”

Before you could say anything else, your friend threw your bag at you, “we have to go.”

She grabbed your wrist when you didn’t move and dragged you behind her. The nerves in your stomach grew with every step that you took toward the stadium, and you were positive that nothing could calm you now.

What if he didn’t like you? What if you weren’t what he was looking for? You couldn’t stop imagining all the bad things that could happen.

Sooner that you would’ve liked, you were at the stadium. The two of you found your seats quickly – right next to the stage, giving you a clear view of the boys. You had no idea how you were going to repay the ARMY’s.

“Breathe y/n,” your friend advised, “let’s have fun!”

She was right, but all you could think about was Suga. You could only hope that your meeting with him would go well.

The concert started soon enough. Your breath hitched in your throat the first time you saw him enter the stage. He was gorgeous – his pictures didn’t do him justice. You couldn’t understand how the universe would give you someone so beautiful.

You kept your eyes on him the whole time, and eventually found that your nerves had gone. His presence seemed to comfort you, and you hadn’t said one word to the man.  

The concert ended sooner than you thought, and before you knew it, your nerves were back.  

“Holy shit, I’m about to meet him,” you said, bouncing on your heels.

“Relax,” your friend said in a sing-song voice. She then lowered her voice to a whisper, “plus you’re drawing attention, and I don’t think you want anyone to spoil it before you meet him.”

You threw an anxious smile at the group of girls who were watching you, and they waved back shyly. They must have recognised you, but they didn’t say a word.  

The two of you were at the back of a very long line, which you completely hated. It meant that you had to worry, for an extremely long time. You glanced down at your wrist, making sure that nothing was covering your mark.  

After about an hour, it was finally your turn. You turned to your friend, “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can,” she smiled and grabbed your hand, “you’ve waited so long and this is your chance.”

You sighed and nodded, “you’re right. You better have my back.”

“Of course.”

After taking another deep breath, you proceeded to walk into the room. Namjoon was the first member you saw, and you greeted him with a nervous smile, “hello.”

“Hi!” he responded in perfect English, “how are you today?”

“Nervous,” you laughed, airily, “you guys put on a great concert.”

“Thank you,” Namjoon smiled, “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

You nodded at him, feeling your nerves slowly melt away. As you moved down the line, your meetings became shorter, because of the language barrier. They were able to hold a short conversation, but nothing too long.  

You stopped at V next, who was standing a few feet away from Suga. You tried not to glance over at him as you smiled at Tae, “hi.”

“Hi,” V smiled, “I’m V.”

“Yes,” you answered with a grin, “y/n. Nice to meet you.”

The man reached out to grab your hand for a shake, but when he grabbed it, he caught a glimpse of your mark. His eyes widened for half a second, before he looked over to his other bandmates. They looked at him in confusion, then to you, then to Suga.

“Suga!” V shouted, grabbing the boy’s attention.

It was then that you finally looked at him, and you swore your heart stopped in your chest. He was completely breathtaking in person. V spoke to him in Korean, quickly, and motioned down to your wrist, which was still in his arm.

Suga’s mouth fell open slightly, and he rolled up his sleeve to lay his wrist next to yours. The stars and crescent moon matched his exactly, and a sigh of relief escaped your lips. Suga’s eyes connected with yours, a smile immediately falling on his lips.

Your soulmate dropped his wrist, then pulled you to him in a hug. You clung to him tightly, fully aware of how perfectly the two of you seem to fit together. Your eyes closed in complete happiness. 

You were in his arms. There was no more waiting, no more wondering. Your moment had come and, God, you couldn’t explain how insanely perfect it had been.

B/f/n had been right. Meeting him was as easy as breathing.

You didn’t notice the band and your friend watching from the side of the room, nor did you care. Your waiting was over, you had your soulmate. And now that you had him – after six years – there was no way in hell you were letting him go.

---  

Should I make another short part to this? 

Thanks so much for the response on the first part of this! Much love! 

Lia <3

[dreammutual-remade]

high school!donghyuck

request: idk if you’re taking reqs but i really like ur highscool aus so if u want to write one abt hyuck ill be :^))))))) - anonymous

word count: 5.1k

a/n: oof its been awhile unnies!!!! ive had exams for the past two weeks and I still have exams now so im sorry for not posting anything but reblogs with headassery in the tags!!! we are continuing the high school series n renjun is next!! since I got like 3 requests for him !!!!! hhehhehehheheh its gonna b cute <3 anyways hope u enjoy this I love my lil duckie baby

masterlist

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

big oof i’m gonna cry while writing this

i’m running out of creative ways to say let’s dive in

let us take the plunge

okay!!!!!!!!!! so you’ve been an editor/writer for the school paper for pretty much all of your high school career

you’re not super well known though because you don’t try to take any credit for anything and always sign your pieces like “- the daily newspaper team” or smth 

anywhom you’ve always loved writing about the stuff around you or making up little short stories

one of your hobbies is just going people watching and trying to write down a brief description of people you see and what you think they’re on the way to do

you’ve befriended the baristas at your favorite spot, lucas and mark, and they always beg to read them but you never let them because mark is too nice to tell you it’s shit and lucas is too dumb to at least say it nicely

you’ve got at least 6 notebooks FULL of these little stories but you’ve never really ? showed anyone because wow showing others your work is Scary

criticism ???/$&/&:&:&:

it’s midway through the first semester of the school year and you’ve been super busy since it’s football season and you gotta write about all the games

and you haven’t had much time to write your cute little stories for yourself and you miss it a lot :/

this weekend though the chance of rain is SUPER high so the football game is cancelled and you have plenty of time to yourself !! :D

there is, a setback tho

THUNDER!!!!! IS SO SCARY !!!!!!

u fckin softie

you decide to tough it out though and get suited up in some polka dot rain boots and a rain jacket and set off to find somewhere to chill

as you’re walking to the nearest lil greenhouse/cafe thing it starts raining ,, ,,, hARDER

when you started it wasn’t rlly raining it was just like that weird tension in the air right before the air pressure drops and it starts to rain and you were already on edge OOF

but then it’s raining so you clutch your notebook to your chest and dash

usain bolt had nothing on you girly you were ZOOM ZOOM

broom broom- doyoung

unfortunately you don’t make it though because with you head down to keep the rain out of your eyes you run RIGHT into someone’s CHEST !!!!!!

hehe u know i’m a sucker for these god damn TROPES

your notebook goes flying and and the arms attached to the Chest That Caused Your Grief come up to catch you by the arms

“oh gOD sorry are you okay ??? i wasn’t looking and i was trying to keep my journal dr- MY JOURNALSDJDDD”

you fling yourself out of this boys arms and pick up your soaking wet journal sadly

:((((((( you had so many stories in there wtf

“oh shit i’m sorry do you uh want me to buy you another one ???”

“no that’s okay it wasn’t your fault :( and it’s just a journal i’m only sad because all my stories are gone :(((((“

you finally look up from your Ruined journal to see , the prettiest boy

you can’t tell for sure cause his hair is soaking wet but it’s a bright red that looks a bit faded and his skin is tanned and golden like HONEY OOF

he meets your eyes and awkwardly smiles and he looks so GUILTY AW

“no really it’s fine don’t feel bad!!”

“okay but i feel bad what can i do to make it up to you?”

“hMMM you could come help me think of wacky stories about people who walk past”

“well if you INSIST m’lady”

“aw, never mind”

“IM JUST KIDDING SJDJJD”

so in the pouring rain you both walk to cafe and find a little corner to people-watch in

on the way there he tells you his name is donghyuck but his friends call him hyuck

“dude that’s the sound goofy makes when he laughs your friends are terrible”

“oh my god i don’t even think they know what they’re saying HsjdjHEHHS”

after a couple minutes of bad goofy impressions you decide to call him duckie instead because ,,,, GARSH MICKEY 🤠🤠🤠

also because it’s cute

you didn’t hear this from me but he uwued so hard rip his street cred with the Boys

anyways right before you settle in you’re like hey uh did you have somewhere to be like weren’t you heading places

and he was like nah i like the rain it’s nice to just walk around feels GOOD

your eyes widen so big and he snorts because what’s so ridiculous about that

and you’re like uh UH NO NOPE NO SIR I DONT FUCK WITH DEMONS

your dramatic ass tries to get up and LEAVE but he grabs your wrist and is like noooo we haven’t even written any stories yet why do you hate rain so much ??

you explain how thunder is the work of the devil and that lightning could strike you down where you stand at any moment and storms are EVIL

he chuckles and side eyes you

“aW you big wimp you’re afraid of thunderstorms aren’t you”

“yES. like any sane person would be”

“you know a lot of people actually like storms”

“like i said, SANE people do not”

and then you change the subject right quick because your face is getting RED with embarrassment

you n donghyuck spend like 2 hours just sitting in the corner and writing little scenarios on napkins

“oh shit that girl over there with the french braids is TOTALLY gonna marry hipster beanie guy in two years. mark my words”

“idk y/n she lowkey has the hots for the barista”

“ ew you mean mark??”

“yeah. now THAT man is a work of art”

MARKHYUCK RISE

“god what is wrong with you maybe you should buy me another book”

“too late now we’re FRIENDS and i don’t owe you ANYTHING”

“being friends doesn’t work like that at all but, okay”

at the end of the day you’ve got a stack of napkins with scribbled notes on them

(one of them has donghyuck’s number on it skdkkfjd)

he leaves you with a bright smile and you’re in awe this boy is so golden and lovely

oof and when you were still in the cafe his hair had dried to the unnatural red color that he ? somehow made look good ugh not fAIR

and it was a lil curly and fluffy and looked very soft :(((((

as you walk home you drift along the sidewalk with a stupid smile on your face wow please get a little less obvious hunty

when you get home the sun is setting and the rain has cleared and you are so Happy that was the best day !!!

you weren’t even scared of the thunder because whenever the sky would fckin CRACK OPEN hyuck would subtly try to keep your attention and distract you with questions

the sky: AAAAAAAAAAA

duckie: oH Hey uhhh so hOW do you even come up these stories ?):$:$ theyre so good

such a sweet boy uwu

when you get home your mom eyes you suspiciously as you drift down the hall towards your room but doesn’t comment

she didn’t need to though because you immediately return and tell her everything !!!

she encourages you to befriend him at school and see where it goes from there ;))) or just TEXT HIM

so you do

both of those things !!!

you: hey!! it’s y/n btw

duckie: hey! u make it home alive without the sky cracking open and killing u

you: stOP MAKING FUN OF ME

you send him memes and he sends , even better ones back this boy is Husband Material

the next couple weeks you realize that hyuck is actually in like a lot of your classes

and he’s like yeah i don’t blame you for not noticing since your nose is always in one of those Damn Journals

can’t believe u smh

anywhom

you start actually interacting with people in class

and by people i mean donghyuck and any of his friends who happen to be there

you literally get thrown into their friendgroup like one day you know donghyuck and have vaguely heard of jeno since he’s on the soccer team

and then the next you’re a part of the group message and jaemin begs for your math homework during lunch ????

“jaemin just dO YOUR OWN HOMEWORK FOR ONCE ???”

“ugh but i don’t know how”

“hey you know what maybe if you didn’t sleep in class you WOULD”

“IM TIRED GOD DAMN IT”

this is usually when duckie interjects with

“hey now girls, you’re both smart <3”

“i know im smart but , jaemin , i don’t know about him 😔😔”

poor jaemin leave him alone :(

jisung is , extREMELY awkward around you because he’s a Baby Freshman and you’re a Female Senior hsjdjf it’s so cute

and chenle is the complete opposite he IMMEDIATELY latches onto you and is always like

“y/n !!!! wanna watch this video of me singing and playing the piano when i was thirteen on live national television !!!!”

“y/N !!!!!!! can you drive me n jisung to get ice cream plEASE !!! we won’t even play PSY this time”

“okay,,,,, pinky promise?”

his pinky hooks around yours at an incredible speed as he jumps up and down with excitement

“pinky promise !!!!!!!!!!”

hyuck overhears and insists upon coming with for , unknown reasons

renjun and jeno keep snickering to each other across the lunch table too uGH

sneaky bastards !

after school you wait in the parking lot for the Babies with hyuck who looks rather flushed considering his skin is pretty tan and it takes a lot for him to visibly blush ??

“hey duckie boy you good?”

“haha yEAH uh just wondering where the boys are hhhh”

“oh yeah ! they should’ve been here like 10 mins ago”

your phone buzzes in your pocket and you go to check it to see a text in the group message

lele: hey y/n~ me n jisung can’t come we totally forgot we joined a frisbee team and there’s practice today !!!

blueberry: yeah ! have fun w/ hyuckie tho

moominluvr96: sjdjd i’m so proud of them

jenomunomunomu: absolute legends have fun at ur frisbee practice my sons

you: 🅱️ro i wanted to go home and SLEEP

blueberry: sorry ! xoxo :*

duckie: chenle my son ? how could you 🅱️etray me this way???

you: ur dead to me

you: literally what’s a chenle ?? sounds like a poisonous fruit

lele: NO IM SORRY

but tbh you’re just being Silly you don’t mind just going with Sunshine Boy

hyuck has only gotten redder as the texting went on though what’s his deal 0.0

you agree to take his car !

actually you insist because you don’t wanna drive but, let’s say you agreed

you find out that hyuck exclusively listens to hipster bands and the occasional troye sivan song because we love a gay legend

actually his music taste is ALL OVER THE PLACE but we r still boppin ladies

you roll the windows down even tho it’s Chilly and let your hand float in the breeze until your fingers start getting numb and you pull your hand back in and roll up the window

okay maybe that was a Bad Idea your fingers almost hurt they’re so cold and you’re rubbing the feeling back into them when hyuck clears his throat

you look up at him and he tilts his chin toward the hand he stretched toward you

you’re confused bc like ? i don’t have anything to give u duckie

he sighs anxiously

“just. give me your hand. mine are warm because i didn’t try to be cool and stick my hand out the window like this is a teen coming of age movie”

“have you ever just been nice and not followed it up with a weirdly specific insult”

“nope. now gimme”

you cautiously placed your hand in his and felt heat bloom all over your cheeks and trail up to your ears and down your neck

he gulps and interlocks your fingers and tucks them in the pocket of his hoodie

you have to lean against the console in between you a little so that your arm isn’t strained but it’s,,,,, Warm and Nice

you’re quick to continue the conversation like normal but your voice sometimes goes in and out since he is subconsciously rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand or tapping his fingers against yours

when you arrive you awkwardly pull your hand from his grip to get out of the car and he cringes a lil :(

you decide to be bold for once in your life and run around the car to catch up with him and shove your other hand into his

“this one’s cold too”

he ducks his head and smiles but gives your hand a lil squeeze :3 uwu

eventually though you do have to let go and enjoy your ice cream

you just make small talk with him about the newspaper and whatever homework is due the next day when a man walks in wearing BRIGHT RED CLOWN SHOES

the weirdest part though is the fact that other than the clown shoes the man is dressed like a body builder and has the hulking mass of one

and also there is a PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER ???

you and hyuck whip to face each other and then look back at the man

without looking away you slide your notebook to the middle of the table and flip open to where you’ve bookmarked the next available page

needless to say you both have a field day making up storylines for this man

“hey hyuckie i missed this it’s been forever since it’s been just the two of us and my journal”

“me too, sunshine”

“heY now you’re the sunshine in this relationship”

both of you choke at your use of the term “relationship” but continue with the conversation JSKSK

“alright but then you have to be the rain”

“aw you know i don’t like the rain”

“yes i know that’s why YOU are sunshine”

“kay but you are so much more like sunshine than i, an Emo”

“how bout i be sunshine since you like sunshine and me, and you be rain since i like rain and you”

OOF ????????

you blush for the Millionth Time and nod shyly and duckie is about to turn purple YIKES

you leave the ice cream shop and climb back in the car and the whole atmosphere is very Tense

you sigh because you miss holding his hand and then turn up the song on the radio which just happens to be, Walkin On Sunshine

THE !!! IRONY !!!

you giggle into your hand and he snorts and you both break into laughter

you plug your phone into the aux

“alright time for some Real Tunes”

“i swear to GOD if you play Bad Boy one more time i’m gonna LOSE IT”

“fuck you red velvet are LEGENDS”

“the only reason you know who they are is because mark tells everyone with a pulse that one of them is from canada just like him”

“okay and ??? i can still appreciate that they produce iconic songs only”

“LISTEN I LOVE RED VELVET TOO BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”

you playfully bicker the whole way back and when you get back to the school to pick up your car you realize you never even got to play your song

“for your information, i was in fact NOT going to play bad boy i was going to play the bop of the century, what is love by twice”

and then, with heavy sarcasm

“well gee why didn’t you just sAY SO”

“IM SICK OF YOUR GIRL GROUP SLANDER LEE DONGHYUCK”

then he giggles and grabs your hand to keep you from getting more than halfway out of the car

“okay okay you know i’m just messing with you”

“yes but leave my gorls out of it”

he releases your hand with fake disgust and wipes it on the passenger seat headrest

“ugh go home, gru”

“it’s a good meme and you can’t even deny it duckie boy”

you blow him a half serious half playful kiss as you bounce over to your car and climb in

you play bad boy and roll the windows down as you drive by his car just to spite him and he laughs good naturedly

it’s only when you get home that you’re like heyyyy nOW

WAS THAT A DATE ??????

you tell your mom about it and she’s like uHHH sounds like a DATE to me ???

but you’re Unsure so you don’t say anything to the others or hyuck just the usual goodnight texts and whatnot

although it could be argued ,, that goodnight texts are a little, relationship-y

it could also be argued , that you do have his contact name as , duckie☼♥

but those can be discussed another time

you continue to hang out with the boys although you refuse to allow them to sit with you at football games because they’re so DISTRACTING

jeno and jisung just fckin yell the whole time while you try to jot notes down to turn it into a story later for the paper

but you can’t concentrate or even figure out wtf is goin on because they’re scREAMING and jumping and messing you uP !

so you sent them elsewhere although,,, hyuck stayed with you

he always does “just in case you get cold or smth”

ur not fooling anyone hyuckie baby

and would you look at that time has FLOWN and it’s time for homecoming !!!!

you plan on going in a big group with hyuck and all The Boys and jaemin has even scored a date !!!

it was highkey through trickery but that’s okay

chenle and jisung are gonna wear matching shirts because they’re headass like that

you’ve already bought a dress and you haven’t ….. shown hyuckie……. just in case……… he asks you

since he…… hasn’t …… YET

renjun keeps assuring you that you don’t need to find a date and that everything is covered but ???? inch resting how duckie has done nOT ONE THING

alright the day of the dance you wake up feeling a little off but go through your normal saturday routine of eating a waffle and absentmindedly watching old gossip girl reruns

but later in the day you feel SHITTY

you’re flushed and your head hurts and it takes so much EFFORT just to get up and get a glass of water

you , comrade, are sick :-(

you text in the gm to let your boys know you can’t come

chenle thinks you’re faking until he calls and hears you sniffling and how rough your voice sounds

“hEY THOT I KNOW UR FAKING BC U DONT HAVE A DATE”

“chenle if it didn’t hurt to speak i would yell at u but my eyes are watering please just text me”

“oh,,,,sorry love u”

and then he hangs up real fast lmao

so you decide to just wallow in despair in your bed and rent overpriced movies on demand

there’s a half drank mug of tea that has long gone cold that contains the medicine you’re supposed to be taking but,, you can’t be bothered tbh lifting your hand is so hard

after a few movies and the sun setting there’s knock at the door ???

you barely hear it since you’re in your room with the door closed but /sigh/ you gotta go answer

you drag yourself out of bed and stumble to the front door and open it, immediately slumping against the frame

this whole time you have still not opened your eyes because light hurts a lil and you know your house well enough

in hindsight that was probably dumb considering you don’t know who’s at the door

you try to open your eyes but they only turn half lidded and droopy so you can just barely make out donghyuck looking Concerned on your front porch

“duckie? what are u doing here?”

“uhhh i uh came to take you to homecoming ??”

he then holds up some flowers and smiles awkwardly

“duckie. baby. sunshine. did u not read the texts i sent ? also it is VERY late to be asking me to homecoming. also, i am a little high on cold medication”

“srry princess, can i come in? you look like you need company and soup and possibly some Sarcastic Banter”

“sounds good duck”

“okay duckie was already incorrect please don’t shorten it to duck”

“you know i didn’t have to let you in”

“so what kind of soup do you want? :-)”

he busies himself attempting to make soup while you have melted into a chair at the dining table with one eye cracked open to watch him

he is very obviously Struggling so you wobble to your feet to stand behind him at the stove and maybe lean a little too much into his back to prop your chin up on his shoulder and reach a hand around him to turn the heat down on the stove

you’ve reached the point of I Don’t Give A Shit and have given up on trying not to be affectionate with him you’re too tired and sickly to restrain yourself and his heart is just steadily beating faster and faster

after your soup you drag him into your bedroom to force him to provide you warmth while watching another movie

but he digs his heels into the floor and tugs on your hand to turn you around

“since you’re missing homecoming….. wanna dance?”

“in my bedroom. while i’m dying. with no music.”

“i’ll take care of the music. cmon don’t be difficult”

“i’m not being difficult i’m just-

you’re cut off by him pressing a finger to your lips and going shhhhhh

you open your mouth to curse him out bc hOW DARE HE

but then he gently pulls you by the waist into his chest and does his best to tuck you under his chin

you’re too comfortable like this so you don’t bother admonishing him for earlier and just settle into his embrace

you loop your arms around his neck as he starts to sway you back and forth

after a couple seconds he starts humming, quietly at first and then louder

and then he starts singing and it’s so sO SWEET AND SOFT

you can feel each breath he takes under your hands and the vibrating of his vocal chords against your forehead and you just close your eyes and press closer to him

you’ve literally never been this content in your whole life binch

he is so warm and ever so often smooths a hand up and down your spine whenever you shiver a little or shift in his arms

when the song finishes you keep swaying with him a little while longer

you’re leaning against him so hard that like the majority of your weight is on him yikes

“babe are you asleep”

“mm”

“no?”

“mmm”

“pretty close though?”

“hm”

“alright”

he chuckles and presses a barely there kiss to the top of your head and sort of waddles the two of you over to the bed

you don’t even have to ask him to climb in with you that was The Plan, Stan

(that’s a saying and also i’m calling u a stan wow queen of puns)

as soon as he settles in you tuck yourself under his arm and throw an arm over him to play with the fingers of his other hand

you’ve got the breakfast club on and it’s Real Nap Hours

hyuck’s arm falls asleep pretty soon tho so instead you switch to laying on your sides facing each other with your face pressed into his neck and your arms draped over each other

right before you fade into unconciousness, he tilts his chin down and nudges his nose against yours to get your attention

your eyes flutter open and you look up at him while he smiles gently down at your sleepy expression aWE ???

“hey wanna be my date when you’re not on your death bed?”

“god, what a romantic. is that a shakespeare quote?”

“shut up and say yes”

“alright fine”

“with more enthusiasm!”

“YES!! GOD DAMN IT”

he shakes his head but then leans down to press a lingering kiss against your cheek before tucking you back against him and evening out his breathing

you fall asleep and dream of boys with beautiful voices who love to dance in the rain

a couple hours later you wake up to a forehead smooch and your Boy whispering bye angel

you sit up and whine and he’s like bby i have to go it’s like midnight n my momma wants me home :(((

you pout and he giggles and taps your lips with his index finger

“go back to sleep and i’ll text you something nice to wake up to yeah?”

you nod and grab his hand to kiss it before flopping back down and passing The Fuck Out

the next morning you wake up still feeling a bit shitty but smiling anyways bc you’ve scored the cutest boy in the universe uwu

he even kept his promise and left you a cute message to wake up to ;((((

duckie☼♥: good morning bbg i hope ur feeling better today and that the sun shines all day for u !!!

you: JEKDKDJ DUCKIE IM STILL SICK BUT TAKE ME ON A DATE RN

you: 💗💗💗💕💌💞💞💗😤💖🤧😔💗😔🤧😔🌺💐🌺🌺🌸💐😔💛😔💛💐🤧💐💐💖💖

duckie☼♥: noooo ur gross

you: you ruined it :(((

duckie☼♥: i mean noooo u gotta get better

you: okay :)))

you finally get over your cold like 4 days later and insist you’re fine to be Taken Out And Treated Like A Princess

he tells you to dress warm except gloves bc he wants to hold youR HAND CAN YOU BELIEVE

you’re weirdly not nervous ? like you thought you would be but you’re just excited and very happy !!!! uwu

he picks you up about an hour after school and reveals that he’s gonna take you to all the cafes in town to people watch and write stories which is !!! your favorite activity !!!!!!

“is it lame??? oh god you think it’s lame i’m so sORRY”

“nO!!! no i love it you did good”

“are you sure?”

“yes duckie”

“okay good i mean i knew you’d like it”

“but you just-“

“hm?”

“,,,,, nevermind”

you both hike around town until it gets late and you’re tired and you end up on a bench in the local park with his head in your lap and your fingers in his hair

you lightly scratch his scalp and hum and he practically PURRS like a cat

(furry ????? it’s more likely than you think)

his eyes are closed and you trace your fingers over his features lightly until it tickles and he scrunches up his nose aw bABY !!!!!

then, without opening his eyes

“so when are you gonna man up and kiss me?”

“first of all, i will never man up i prefer being female thanks. sECOND WHY DO I GOTTA DO IT”

“i asked you on the date !!! you gotta do something!!!”

“i held your hand first!!”

“after i literally offered my hand to you”

“uGH fine come here”

“no i’m not gonna ‘come here’ you literally just made a disgusted noise at the thought of kissing me”

“it wasn’t at the thought of kissing you it was just at you”

“this isn’t helping at all”

you roll your eyes playfully and then yank him up by the collar of his shirt to press your forehead against his

“does this help?”

aND THEN YOU LAY ONE ON HIM ??????:$&:&;&;

QUEEN OF CONFIDENCE

he sighs against your lips and sits up a little more so he can reach you better, smoothing a hand up to cup the side of your jaw and neck

you pull away and his eyes are still closed

“hmmm,,, yeah”

you scoff and drop him back to half laying on your lap

“you’re such a dork”

“yeah but i’m your dork now so it’s embarrassing for both of us”

“aw i wouldn’t have it any other way <333”

“is it just me or was that sarcasm”

“just you <3333”

renjun, who has been rOOTING FOR YOU GUYS THIS ENTIRE TIME

screams when you call him that night lol

literally SCREECHES

chenle happens to be with him and screeches eVEN LOUDER

basically the whole group screams simultaneously they’ve been shipping it since day one

hyuck is a bit prideful so when you guys are out in public he’s not super affectionate but ,, when you’re not out

he’s wrapped around you like a koala and will never let go

you have to go pee? hold it

you’re dehydrated and dying? you can live off of his Love

your favorite activity to do together is BAKING because it never goes well no matter how hard you try

and although it usually ends in DISASTER it’s also a good time and afterwards duckie lets you curl up between his legs on the couch and nap uwu !

dating really didn’t change the dynamic between you two other than affection you still read each other to DUST on the regular  lmao

no one gets too harsh tho bc you love each other and whatnot

ugh love ruins all the FUN doesnt it :/

donghyuck makes it his business to know exactly when it will rain and makes sure to be with you when it does

at the first sight of clouds he is in your house with board games and movies and snuggles to distract you !!! what a sweetheart

on days when it’s really bad you just climb into bed and bury your face in his chest while he talks about whatever comes to mind and distracts you

he also takes to slumping down and falling asleep on your shoulder whenever you have movie nights together and it’s so CUTE

his little heart shaped lips and his cheeks always end up smushed and he just looks adorable wow rip you

he’s obsessed with your cheeks he loves to cup your face while he talks to you and press gentle kisses to them during Sleepy Time or when you part ways in the school hallways

if he’s excited he’ll bound up behind you and wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheek real hard and then start babbling about whatever’s got him so worked up

basically, hyuckie is a boy full of sunshine and passion and sarcasm and he’s the best boyfriend you could ever ask for :’-)

[bangtaninink]

i’m too lit to dim down a notch IV

Summary: Jeongguk is the new kid in town. Kind of. He’s looking for an Authentic College Experience™, and you have no problem helping him out with achieving that (fratboy!AU)

Part: 1 | 2 | 3

A rhythmic knock at his door makes Jeongguk flinch and nearly drop his shirt.

“Um, come in?”

He’s just about to wonder why the fuck someone’s bothered to knock because no one in the frat house ever bothers to knock, but all questions die on the tip of his tongue when he sees you walk in, dressed in a Doosan Bears jersey, black jeans, and white sneakers, holding a navy blue cap between your teeth as you pull your hair up into a ponytail.

“Mornin’,” you greet, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

Jeongguk fumbles, drops his shirt and scrambles to pick it up, tripping over a pile of dirty clothes that are in dire need of washing before he gets himself composed.

“Hi. Hey. Hi,” he stammers, so desperate to get his shirt on he almost runs into a wall. “G-good morning.”

“Sorry I’m a bit early, but I got out of the house as quick as I could because there’s a party happening at our house tomorrow night and the others are in some mad rush to get everything planned out. Some of the more senior sisters get a bit anal about making sure shit’s organised and I don’t like to be around them when that’s happening.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t mind me, okay? We’ve got heaps of time. Just pretend like I’m not here.”

Easier said than done, Jeongguk thinks, but he holds his tongue and tries to continue getting dressed, even when he sees you flop down to lie on his bed, cap resting on your knee as you hold your phone above your head. It’s ridiculous, the way your presence has all of a sudden got him question every little thing about today -- should he really wear this shirt today? This cap? Don’t even get him started on his hair!

Jeongguk freezes when the sound of your humming cuts through the quiet, resisting the urge to turn and look over his shoulder and watch your humming transition into quiet singing. Admittedly, you’re not that good. He doesn’t have particularly high standards (he leaves that to Yoongi), but he’s pretty sure even you wouldn’t call yourself the next IU. Still, just the fact that you’re here, in his room, singing-but-not-really-singing Two Melodies without another care in the world is enough to make Jeongguk’s cheeks warm with an unexplainable fondness for you.

He tugs his shirt on quickly, crosses the room to open up the door to his wardrobe to check himself in the mirror, all the while avoiding looking at you. Jeongguk tries not to wince at how unkempt his hair looks, and does his best to comb his fingers through it as casual and nonchalant as he can look trying to flatten out a cowlick or two. The cap, he thinks, is definitely gonna be needed today.

“Hey, Jeongguk?”

Jeongguk turns so quickly he hits his knee on the edge of his wardrobe’s door.

“Uh, yeah?” he replies.

“Can I ask you something?”

Dread washes over Jeongguk, and irrationally, he thinks, here it is. She knows what I did last night. Fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck. Bye, world! It was nice while it laste--

“Two things actually,” you continue. “How’d you get into Beta Tau so quickly, and if you’re a sophomore, why are we in the same anatomy class?”

Jeongguk nearly cries with relief.

“Oh, um. Well, my dad’s alumni,” he answers, giving up on his hair and slapping his cap on, kicking his wardrobe shut with the heel of his boot and moving to sit beside you, a complete bundle of nerves but, hopefully, looking calm. “He studied in Seoul and made it into Beta Tau Sigma when he was a student here. The frat has that rule about automatically letting family relations in or whatever. I forget the proper wording.”

“Oh, I know that rule,” you say, tucking your phone back into the pocket of your jeans. “That’s how Tae and Jin oppa got into Beta Tau as well.”

“Oh. Wait, wait. Seokjin hyung’s your brother too?”

“Nah, he’s my cousin. Might as well be my brother though. What about anatomy class?”

“W-well,” Jeongguk starts, trying to not jerk at the way you nudge the side of his thigh with your knee. “Uh, I did a lot of extra classes back in Busan last summer. Kinda built up enough credit that I might be able to graduate a year early. Or at least a semester.”

Strategically, he leaves out the part about having so few friends back in hometown that he had way too much time to himself in July that he’d resorted to just... studying.

“So... you’re like a super nerd then,” you laugh, teasing. “I like that. It’s a nice change from the other Busan boy.”

“Who, Jimin hyung?”

“Yeah. He wouldn’t have made it to senior year if it weren’t for me and Hoseok oppa. He spends way too much time doing everything else but studying, even now. I mean, I’m not really one to talk, I guess.” You sit up, resting your arm on Jeongguk’s shoulder, missing the way he tenses briefly. “But then again, I can find time to fuck and get fucked on the regular while getting straight As, so he really has no excuse.”

Jeongguk chokes on his own spit.

“Um, wow,” is all he has to say. You laugh quietly.

“Oh, I have another question for you. The other day, when I first met you? What’d you mean when you said you wanted to be a physiotherapist for athletes because you probably “won’t get to be one”?” you say, fingers curling in imaginary quote marks. “Who says you won’t get to be one?”

“Uh, no one, but... it seems a bit unrealisitic for me to aim to be on Yoo Heekwan’s level. Or Park Taehwan. Like, they’re gods, and I’m, like, a pleb.”

“You play baseball, Guk?”

“Yeah. And swim. Mostly swim. Well, no. Well, I dunno yet. Tryouts for the baseball are on Wednesday. And the swim team tryouts are on Tuesday. It’ll be a fucking miracle if I make it into either one, honestly.”

“Can I come?”

Eyebrows raised so high they almost disappear into his cap, Jeongguk looks at you with unabashed shock.

“To... to the tryouts?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“Um... why?” It’s your turn to raise your eyebrows, and he stumbles over his words trying to recover. “No, I mean! N-not that I don’t want you there! Or... w-well, I dunno. Do I want you there? I-it’s a free country. I guess you could technically go whether or not I say y-yeah, but...” He trails off when you start to laugh.

“You’re cute, Guk. But I’d like to come and watch if that’s okay with you, because, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a fucking lunatic for baseball -- or just sports in general -- and, also, I wanna be there to tell you ‘I told you so’ when they ask you to join the team right then and there. Plus, swimmers are hot.”

Jeongguk blinks, dumbfounded and trying to listen to what you’re saying, instead of staring down at your lips while you speak like he wants to.

“But... you haven’t even seen me play or swim,” he replies.

“With a body like this, Jeon Jeongguk, I’m sure you play and swim great,” you laugh, lightly smacking his chest.

(He hardly feels a thing.)

“Um. Uh. Okay. Y-yeah. If you want to, noona. Wait. C-can I call you that?”

“You can call me anything you want, babe,” you say, chuckling as you stand, fingers wrapping around Jeongguk’s wrist to pull him up onto his feet. “C’mon. Let’s go see some epic shit.”

“Holy shit. That was amazing!” Jeongguk cries out, skipping backwards to remain facing you as you both leave the stadium, the afternoon sun warm on your heads.

“God, how does he make it look so fucking effortless?” you add, jogging after him. “I need me a man like Yoo Heekwan.”

“Yeah. I’m not even gay, but amen to that, noona. A-fucking-men.”

Laughing, you quickly grab Jeongguk’s wrist, pulling him away from the path of an incoming cyclist as he draws nearer to a pedestrian crossing. The adrenaline is still well and truly pumping through your veins and his, and another win for the Doosan Bears means neither of you will be calming down anytime soon.

“Hey, Guk. You hungry?” you ask. “Let’s get some food.”

“I’m down for that. Where do you wanna go?”

“Let’s get some burgers, babe.”

“I like burgers!”

Shaking your head, you laugh, not letting go of his arm as you lead him down the road to the nearest burger joint, a usual stop of yours after a game. It’ll be a welcome change today, for someone to actually eat with you and talk about what’d just happen, instead of the normal ‘do you even know how many calories are in a regular cheeseburger?’ lecture and constant eye-rolling at you waxing poetic about athletic form and pitching speeds.

(”Jesus. Okay, Bora. Just calm down and let me finish this in peace. I’ll get you your fucking salad in a sec.”)

In the middle of his monologue on a spectacular catch by Min Byunghun, Jeongguk reaches forward to pull the door open, letting you step inside first, not even breaking sentence or losing his train of thought once. You almost trip over your foot walking in, so not used to the chivalry, even if the both of you are just entering a fucking Burger King. Unphased and oblivious to your surprise, Jeongguk keeps talking right up until the both of you have made it to the counter to order.

“Hi. Can I please have a Grilled BBQ set with cheese, and a side of onion rings?” he orders, already reaching into the back of his jeans to pull out his wallet. “What’re you gonna have, noona?”

“Jeongguk, you’re not gonna pay for me.”

“Hmm?” Jeongguk turns to look at you, first with a look of confusion, then with a smile. “What’re you talking about? Of course I’m gonna pay. You bought my ticket to the game, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but I asked you to come out today. Put your wallet away.”

“Noona, it’s just Burger King,” he says, laughing. “No offense.”

“Hey, dude. None taken,” the cashier says, waving a dismissive hand. “Think I care about this place that much?”

“See? This guy knows what I mean. Order whatever you want, noona. I’ve got this.”

Door opening and meal paying? This is too good to be true, you think.

“Fine. If you insist,” you say.

“Yup.”

“I’ll have a Supreme Cheese set, no pickles, and some extra cheese fries.”

“Too easy,” the cashier replies, punching in the orders, hand outstretched as Jeongguk surrenders his card unprompted.

“You can go find a table, noona. I’ll bring the food over when it’s done,” Jeongguk says, taking his card back.

You choose a table close to the back wall, still within view of the front counter. Cradling your chin in your hand, you look at Jeongguk’s back as he waits, fingers tapping against the counter top while he looks down at his phone, too busy wondering how the hell this kid can be such a... gentleman in this day and age? No one treats you like this, not even the rest of the guys in Beta Tau Sigma, so you can’t help but be taken aback by all of this. Does he not know who you a--?

It suddenly dawns on you that Jeongguk is new to Seoul, to the college you and the rest of the guys attend, and he has absolutely no idea what kind of reputation you’ve built for yourself over the years.

There’s this brief twinge of regret and paranoia that passes over you when you realise what could happen if anyone who knew you were to see Jeongguk with you, wondering what could happen if they were to start talking. What would they say about you? What would they say about Jeongguk? How shitty would you seem if you were to ruin all chances of him enjoying his college life in peace?

Before you even have a chance to work yourself up, however, Jeongguk appears in front of you, setting down the tray as he chews on a mouthful of fries.

“This is my kind of fine dining,” he says, swallowing before letting out a soft chuckle.

“Ooh, yeah,” you reply, reaching for your cheese fries. “This easily beats every five-star restaurant I’ve ever been to for sure.”

“You’ve been to a five-star restaurant, noona?” Jeongguk asks, handing you your burger.

“Probably twice? Yeah. Once for my dad’s birthday. We went to this really fancy place in Gangnam. Second time was for Christmas after my dad married Tae’s mom.”

“So that’s how you and Taehyung hyung are related. Kinda.” You hum around your burger in agreement. “Is Seokjin hyung your cousin cousin, or your... step cousin? Is that a thing?”

“Step cousin, yeah,” you say, chuckling. “If that is a thing. He’s Taehyung’s blood-related cousin, so I guess we’re just cousins by, like, association? This is confusing. I dunno.”

“Nah, I get it.”

“Like I said though, he might as well just be another brother. He nags like one. Or, like, an extra parent.”

“I can relate to that,” Jeongguk says, nodding slowly with a mouthful of his burger stuffed in his cheeks. “He’s, like... the mom of the frat. It was kinda weird, but... it’s good. We can’t all be a bunch of hooligans in that house, y’know?”

“Yeah. I’m sure without Jin oppa’s motherly ways and Yoongi oppa’s anal-ness, that house would’ve burned down years ago.”

“Yup.”

“You said your dad was alum though, right?” you ask, dipping fries into the melted cheese at the bottom of the paper basket.

“Yeah, he was. He seemed pretty happy at least one of his sons went to his alma mater. Even if I’ve only got about two years to go.”

“Oh? You have siblings?”

“Just an older brother. He decided to study in the States for his undergrad, and ended up staying there for his masters. Seoul’s been a big enough culture shock for me as it is. I dunno how he’s managed to survive in Chicago for longer than a semester. But then again, we’re, like, polar opposites, so I guess if anyone was gonna be able to live in America on their own, it was gonna be him.”

“Do you miss him?”

Jeongguk smiles, a little sadly you notice, picking at an onion ring, saying, “yeah. Heaps. He’s always been the one who kinda keeps me sane, even back in Busan.” You don’t say anything, just watch as Jeongguk seems to reminisce quietly to himself while you eat. “Like, it’s not as if I’m not on bad terms with my parents or anything. I love them. I miss them heaps too. But it’s like... my brother was -- is -- the one I can talk to about anything, because he kinda understands what I’m going though whenever something doesn’t make sense.”

“Must be good,” you chuckle, wiping your fingers on a napkin. “Having someone you can talk to about everything, I mean.”

“You don’t have any siblings, noona? I mean, like, blood-related. Not including Taehyung hyung and Seokjin hyung.”

“Nah, I’m an only child in that sense,” you reply, picking at the set cheese on the wax paper. “My mom left before she had anymore kids with dad.”

“Oh.” Jeongguk puts his drink down back onto the table slowly. “Your mom... left.”

“Yeah. I don’t really care about it though. She left when I was pretty young. To be honest, I don’t really remember much about her.” You shrug, ignoring the weird weight in your chest. “Taehyung’s mom is really nice though. It’s probably still pretty weird. She pretty much got a daughter overnight after marrying dad, but she’s been really good at treating me like I’ve been there the whole time, like I’m not just some kid that appeared out of nowhere. I can see why Tae turned out the way he did.”

Jeongguk seems a little hesitant about saying anything, so he doesn’t, and just continues to sip at his drink quietly, burger and onion rings demolished.

“That was probably the deepest conversation to have happened at a Burger King. Fuck,” you mutter.

You barely have time to flinch away before Jeongguk is spitting out his drink, tiny droplets of projectile soda hitting you in the face and chest.

“Oh fuck, noona, I’m sorry!” he says, coughing as he beats his fist against his chest. He’s going to apologise more, he swears, as soon as he can breathe properly, but when he looks up, wiping away tears from the corners of his eyes because choking hurts, he’s shocked, but, admittedly, a little relieved, to find you’re clutching your stomach as you too struggle to breathe, laughing hard.

“Jeongguk, you dick,” you say, breathless as you dab at the corners of your eyes, careful not to smudge your makeup.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk says, but he’s laughing, and silently marvelling at the way the drops of cola that landed on your cheeks now look like small freckles. “But you can’t just say something like that, noona!”

“God,” you groan, but there’s no malice in your voice as you carefully wipe your face and proceed to throw the scrunched up napkin at his chest, watching it bounce off him and land onto the table. “You’re the worst.”

“You’re the worst. You just ruined a nice moment,” Jeongguk counters.

“I love fine dining.”

“Noona!”

“Jeongguk, you didn’t have to walk me home. What the hell?”

“But noona,” Jeongguk says, hands tucked into the back pockets of his jeans. “Look how dark it is. How could you walk alone in this?”

“God. You are really something,” you say, shaking your head with a barely concealed smile.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry ‘bout it.” It’s warm out tonight, the air just borderline humid, a small teaser of what might be a very hot summer, and you’re starting to feel a little uncomfortable wearing so much. “Anyways. How’re you finding Seoul so far?”

“It’s alright. Not really what I expected if I’m honest,” Jeongguk replies, shrugging a little.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” you ask, chuckling.

“Uh... both?” He chuckles with you. “Nah, it’s good, mostly. There’s just a lot more people here. Not that Busan is the smallest city in the country or anything, but, y’know...” He shrugs again.

“Yeah, it gets a bit crazy up here, huh? It’s hard to get bored in Seoul though, I think. But I bet being so close to the sea is amazing.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty great. My grandparents live pretty close to Haeundae so we’re usually there during the summer. This... it’ll be the first summer not by the beach for me, actually.”

You notice Jeongguk’s step slow just a little, and you barely catch the little shift in his expression as he no doubt is hit with a wave of homesickness.

“Jimin always goes back to Busan for a couple weeks in the summer,” you offer. “You could always go with him, if you don’t mind him talking your head off the entire train ride back. I swear to God, he never shuts up.”

“Jimin hyung does talk a lot I’ve noticed. So does Taehyung hyung,” Jeongguk says, the corners of his lips twitching with a smile. “I can hear them talking about aliens at, like, two in the morning. They’d make great swimmers with their lung capacity.”

“Tae doesn’t exercise. And Jimin only ever dances. Good luck getting them anywhere near a pool, Guk.”

“I could throw them in.”

“If you do, I better be there to record the whole thing. I wanna be internet famous.” Jeongguk breaks out into a wide grin. “What time are your tryouts, by the way?”

“Um.” He reaches into his back pocket, pulling out his phone as the both of you come to a stop at the lights. “Swim tryouts are at four, baseball’s at four-thirty,” he reads off.

“Tuesday and Wednesday, right?”

“You’re really coming, noona?”

“You don’t want me to?”

“No, I... I do. Really.”

“I could be your lucky charm, Jeongguk. You might set a new school record. Or hit a home run. Or both.”

“I doubt it,” Jeongguk says, chuckling, stepping forward as the pedestrian light turns green.

“You never know,” you say, singing your words as you jog ahead of him.

[gaiyofanfiction]

Rare Blood (7)

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 (Final)

Vampire Prince!Yoo Kihyun x Siren!Reader

Much angst, maybe fluff

Vampire world!AU

A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you so much for all the love! We’re so sorry for the delay in posting. Thanks to everyone for understanding! Here is the next chapter, please enjoy!

Disclaimer: This store is pure fiction. Yoo Kihyun and the rest of Monsta X are the sweetest creatures on this earth, we know they would never do anything to harm or manipulate anyone.

Trigger warning: Mentions of manipulation, abuse and blood for right now. Very slight mention of sexual assult.

“Prince Kihyun, I-I’m in love with you!” The Prince's eyes widen in shock at your confession. “I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it!”

Prince Kihyun grabs your hands tightly and pulls you to him. “Y/N, I'm in love with you too! I don't know how it happened but it did. Please, run away with me! We can be together!”

Suddenly you feel a pair of hands rip you from Prince Kihyun’s grasp. You turn your head to see the Queen, a dark look on her face.

“You were told to not have feelings for the Prince. As it's against the law, you will be executed.”

Your jaw drops. You look to Prince Kihyun as he's being pulled away by the King. “No! Let me go! Don't take Y/N away from me, please!”

You reach your hand out towards the Prince. “Prince Kihyun, don't go! Help me!”

One last tug from the Queen, and you're suddenly falling into a dark void.

“PRINCE KIHYUN!”

You suddenly jolt awake, your face covered in sweat and you’re breathing heavily. You look around the room and sigh with relief. 'Thank god, it was just a dream.’ You look down at your shakey hands. 'But now I really can't tell him how I feel. Ever. Not after that dream.’

All of a sudden, the door to your room busts open to reveal a panting and sweaty Prince. His eyes are filled with concern.

“Y/N? What happened? Are you alright?”

You chuckle at his appearance but stop. “Y-Yeah. It was just a bad dream.”

Prince Kihyun sighs. “Ah I see. Well, I'm glad you are alright.” He walks into the room completely and shuts the door behind him. He loosens his tie and sits across from you in the desk chair. “Now, if you would please remove your collar, I would like to feed.”

Remembering what Wonho said, you swallow the lump in your throat. “P-Prince Kihyun, before we do that, c-could you tell me about the law?”

He pauses and raises an eyebrow. “What about the law?” Letting out a low growl.

“The law that states that humans and vampires can't be together. Wonho said it was a long story and that I should ask you.”

Prince Kihyun narrows his eyes. “You've got a lot of nerve to interrupt my feedings with questions like that, girl.”

You gain a little courage. “Please, my Prince. I just want to know why you hate humans so much,” you look down at your fiddling fingers. “Why you hate me so much…”

“You need to tell her what happened! She deserves to know why you have nothing but hatred towards her!”

Those words that Wonho said ring through the Prince’s mind. He looks at your face, the expression upon your features strain his heart. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“Very well, then. I guess you do deserve some sort of explanation.” He gives you a hard look. “But I will not hold anything back. If you're going to learn about the reason behind the laws that are in place, you're going to learn properly. Understood?”

You nod eagerly. “Yes, Prince Kihyun.”

He nods, content with your response. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “This happened not too long ago. Give or take 3 years. I had a best friend, a human best friend actually. We had been friends since childhood, practically inseparable. He was one of the children of the feeders in the castle. His name was Min Yoongi.”

He glances up to see if you're following along. You nod in encouragement, letting him know you're listening.

“One day, he started getting distant. Everytime I wanted to hang out, he would tell me he had somewhere else to be. And if we did get the chance to spend time together, his mind always seemed elsewhere.” He clenches his fists. “Then, that fateful day had come. I was sitting in the library studying quietly when I heard a scream. It had come from my sister's room next door. I ran out of the library and into her room. What I saw next ruined me.” He looks deep into your eyes, trying to hold back tears. “There I saw Min Yoongi, my best friend, with a stake in his hand and my sister dead on the floor.”

You gasped, a hand flying up to your mouth. “Oh no…”

Prince Kihyun nods. “Turns out he was training to become a vampire Hunter. My best friend training to become the killer of my kind.” he blinks back tears, his face once again emotionless. “Ever since then, that law has been in place. Humans and Vampire are no longer able to be lovers nor friends, nothing other than Master and servant. That's why my family has all these inner issues with each other now. That's why it took me so long to find a feeder. That's why my mother was worried when you were released from your chains. She was afraid of that happening again.”

You lay a hand on his shoulder. “I'm so sorry that happened, Prince Kihyun. I could never imagine the pain you must feel.”

You stare into the beautiful face of the Prince. He takes one of your hands and places it in his and traces your cheek with his other finger. Everything is still once again, the quiet deafening. His eyes flicker to your lips and he leans closer to your face. Before he could make contact, the two of you hear a knock at the door, making you both jump apart instantly.

“C-Come in,” you squeak out.

The door opens to reveal Princess Soyou. She smiles shyly and bows her head. “Excuse me, I’m so sorry to interrupt the two of you but Prince Kihyunie, would you kindly escort me to the library? We have some paperwork we need to finish up.”

'Kihyunie? Did she really just call him that?’ As much as you wanted to barf at that moment, you restrain yourself from making any noise.

Prince Kihyun clears his throat. “Ah yes, of course. If you'll excuse me, Y/N. I'll be back to have that feeding. Don't leave the room.”

You watch as the Prince and the Princess make their way out of your room. Once the door closes, you flop back onto your bed and groan. 'Why the hell did I have to fall for the one person who is not only out of my league, but out of my reach.’

You wanted to start singing again but you knew after what happened last time, it wasn't such a good idea. Instead, you decide to count the ceiling tiles to pass the time.

“...120, 121, 122,” with every tile you count, the worse your boredom becomes. Suddenly your stomach growls loudly.

'Oh yeah, I never actually got to have dinner at the party last night.’

Prince Kihyun told you not to leave the room without him so you decide to go find him to take you to the kitchen. You open the door to your room and peek into the hallway to make sure no one was in sight. After seeing the corridor empty, you make your way to the library.

You hesitate in front of the door of the library before slowly opening it. Once the door is open, you slowly stick your head in to see Prince Kihyun and Princess Soyou doing more than just sitting side by side. You quickly but quietly close the door.

'Bad idea, bad idea.’ You close your eyes and shake your head, trying to get rid of the picture in your head of the two of them lip-locking.

You sigh and head back to your room. 'Guess I'll just starve.’

Before you make it to your room, you're suddenly grabbed by the waist harshly. You struggle and try to scream but another hand clamps over your mouth. The person pulls you into a room and the door shuts behind you.

You growl and kick the person who had a hold on you, causing them to let go. You take a few steps and whirl around to see who had dared put their hands on you. Immediately your face pales when you see it's not just one Vampire, but two.

“My, my. Feisty one, aren't you.” Minhyuk smirks, rubbing his leg where you kicked him.

IM chuckles next to him. “This will be even more fun than I thought.”

Your hand flies to your collar to call Prince Kihyun but suddenly your body freezes. You notice IM’s eyes have turned yellow. “Ah ah, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Instead, why don't you gently remove the wretched collar and throw it over onto the table.”

As hard as you try to fight his magic, you're still no match for a member of the Monsta Clan. You glare at both royals, your eyes flashing an icy blue. You unwillingly unbuckle the collar and throw it over onto the desk.

Minhyuk takes a step towards you, causing you to try to take a step back but IM’s magic has you trapped. Minhyuk reaches for you and runs a cold finger along the base of your neck. When his finger touches Prince Kihyun's bite marks, you shiver.

“The Prince really did a number on your neck, didn't he,” he licks his lips. “Guess we'll just have to cover them up with our own bites.”

Your eyes start to well up with tears and your body trembles. “Y-you wouldn't.”

IM laughs more maniacally this time and takes a step towards you too. “Yes. We would actually.”

Your mind races as you try to think of something to say to get them to stop. A thought comes to mind. “W-wait! Are you two really going to share me? IM, I thought your greediness would want you to have me all to yourself.” You bat your eyes convincingly.

IM gets a thoughtful look on his face. “Well, of course I'd rather have you all to myself.”

Minhyuk comes up behind you. “That's what our original plan was. To see who could have your blood first.”

IM comes right up in front of you. “But we thought it would be easier to just take you together. So, nice try, girly. But trying to pit us against each other isn't going to work.”

A sharp pain shoots through the back of your neck as Minhyuk latches on. You yelp and try to push him back with your elbow, but IM quickly grabs both your wrists and lunges for the front of your neck.

“Not so fast human,” IM sneers as his fangs sink deep into your neck.

You never felt so much blood leave you all at once. ‘Damn, these boys can feed! I’m going to pass out if they don’t stop…’

IM suddenly stops to bark at Minhyuk. “Hey! Leave me some blood you jerk!”

Minhyuk pauses. “Oh, you mean like this…” His fangs sink so deep you feel it hit some nerves in your neck. The pain was excruciating. He rips your shirt and quickly pulls down your bra strap. As much as you fought him he still was able to place his nasty hands over your breast.

You grew incredibly weak and started to feel cold. IM notices this and smiles.

“Guess I’ll just have to suck faster too.” He sinks his fangs in your neck once again and joins Minhyuk in using you as a disposable feeder. Only alive to please the hungry and lustful vampires.

You whimper and cry as if it made a difference. Wiggling, struggling, and hitting the vampires hoping they would get off. ‘Just let me die already…’

Unknowingly you let out a low whisper calling out for him. “Prince...Kihyun…”

Suddenly you feel IM and Minhyuk thrown off you. You open your eyes to see an extremely pissed off Prince.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!” Prince Kihyun yells in his deep voice, his eyes flashing blood red.

IM and Minhyuk pick themselves up off the floor and glare at the Prince. But before they could say anything, Prince Kihyun holds up a hand to stop them.

“I seriously don't want to hear it,” he growls. “Get. Out. Of. My. Room. And. My. Castle. Before. I. Kill. You.”

IM and Minhyuk scurry out of the room before they catch the wrath of the Prince. That just leaves you and him alone. He turns his body towards you, a menacing look plastered across his face.

The more he scans you and the damage that was done, his eyes start to soften up. It was a mixed look of rage and concern that took over his face.

“What. HAPPENED?!”

“Prince Kihyun! I-I was really hungry... And I -”

He puts up his hand just like he did to IM and Minhyuk. You stop. Tears falling down your face. He takes another glance at you. This time there was not an ounce of sincerity that you could find in his eyes.

“This story sounds very familiar. You know, you humans...DISGUST ME! The only reason we have your filthy kind around is to serve us vampires and that is all!”

His words pierced your heart. “B-but, Prince! Please hear me out… I was only looking for you!”

Prince Kihyun’s back was turned. He scoffs and looks off to his side. “And instead you found two other vampires in which you could whore yourself off to. You’ll never mean anything more to me than a filthy human slave.”

And just in that moment your world collapsed, your heart stopped, and your jaw dropped to the floor.

“Y-YOU BASTARD! I wish I NEVER broke in and I wish I NEVER met you!!”

You pushed Prince Kihyun to the side and bolted out the door crying. He didn’t even budge to go after you.

As you ran down the hallway you accidentally bumped into another vampire. This time a female vampire.

“Oh my! You shouldn’t be running through the Royal halls my dear.” She helps you up by lending you a hand.

“A-ah! Princess Soyou! Sincerest apologies. Please forgive me.” Bowing your head before her.

Suddenly you feel her aura change. You didn’t even have to look at her to know her whole demeanor was different. ‘This can’t be good…’

“Hmph. I noticed you were spying on me and the Prince earlier. Did you like what you saw?” Princess Soyou mockingly giggles.

Though you wanted to take her down, you knew you had to bite your tongue for the sake of your life. You clear your throat. “Seeing the Prince happy? Why of course. That is all a servant could hope for.”

The Princess circles you as she smiles the most devilish smile. “You know, I hate your kind, but especially you. Prince Kihyun looks at you and thinks about you in a different light. He’s not like that with me.”

You chuckle. “A pretty face is nothing when you have an ugly soul.”

Princess Soyou swiftly backhands you and you fall into the arms of two vampires.

“You’re going to wish you hadn’t said that.”

Suddenly you feel lightheaded and your vision went in and out of focus. You struggle, punching and kicking at random until you the vampires lost grip of you.

Your strength was leaving you, but you crawled as quick as you could while looking over your shoulder. ‘M-Minhyuk and IM!? I’m so fucked…’

Trying to get up on your feet you had to brace yourself with the wall. Out of habit you grab your neck. This time, you had wished the collar was on.

“Stupid girl. Prince Kihyun can’t save you. Not this time.” She laughed as she had the upper hand.

“Y-you… YOU BITCH!”

You fall to the ground as the room around you started to fade to black.

[Masterlist]

[his-winter-rose]

Friday 25th Mayyyyy (Part 4)

“that’s the other way you could do it, if you just want to in form class lines” 

“like a couple of groups go in to each form class and then do it” 

“yeah I mean you could do your own form class”. 

J put the lists down on the desk behind me and said 

“that’s the form class lists, and I’ll leave it over to you guys to work how you’re going to divvy those up between ya. Remember, include B for some”, I got the lists and was looking through them and said “so hold on. So me and G are in Mrs B. B and M are…” 

“me and GB are in…” E said. 

“you’re in Mrs W’s class aren’t you” 

“yeah we have Mrs A at the moment” 

“and then M, B and Beth are in WN. Should we just take our form class?” 

“yeah”.

I asked G if she wanted to look after ours and she said she didn’t mind so I was like okay I’ll look after it. I gave M her class one and gave E her class one, which GB then said 

“why didn’t you give it to me L” in a fake annoyed tone and I laughed and said

“shush GB”

“L square up, nah” we laughed, and J looked at us amused. 

He then told us to discuss he we’re going to get other year 13s to do the survey, suggesting some ways to get it done which went on for a couple of minutes. J then came up to me with the huge as pile of paper and said 

“you just wanna take 14 then pass it back” 

“oh god okay” and I started counting through to get 14 of them. 

I counted through a couple of times but doubted myself so I was saying to myself “I’m gonna have to count through these like 5 times just to make sure I have the right amount” but as J was walking past me, he laughed at what I said.

 I was still trying to do the rebus thing and I said 

“I remember why I gave up trying to do this last year. …I mean year 9” and a couple of the others laughed, and J gave me this amused frown before I corrected myself and I laughed and said 

“don’t ask me how”.

He gave us the deadline for the surveys as next Friday and I was like oh yayyyy same as everything else. He then said 

“if you’re were that scenario of doing all 14 and needing more sheets you can photocopy- oh tell you what, I’ll email you a copy is probably a good thing aye”

“yeah” I agreed, no one else did but he just took my word and was like 

“yeah cool, so when you hit that 14 like tonight-“

“hah yeah right!” 

“just go to the email, print out more or whatever you need”. 

I was gonna mark mine and G’s names off on the form list but to double check I asked 

“we can tick for who we’ve done in our form class aye” 

“say again?” he leaned closer to me as he always does. 

“we can mark these for who we’ve done in our form class” 

“yeah” 

“okay cool” 

“so the form class rolls, is that how you’re doing it, by form classes?” 

“yeah it'd just be easier” 

“so someone in each class has the roll and they can just tick it off once they’ve got it done” 

“what a shame that it’s Friday. If only this had been Thursday and we could have done it last period yesterday” 

“yeah it was kind of set up to get it done by yesterday but with big sing and things it’s sort of…“ 

“and considering the fact that we didn’t have class yesterday”

“yeah that kind of thing”. 

He said to hand them in once we’ve done ours and was saying 

“rather than have some done and lose them” 

“which will probably happen” 

“yeah haha which is frustrating for everyone”. 

He was getting the email sorted and said 

“I’m just going to send you this email then show you a clip” 

“what’s the clip about?” E asked. 

“ahh Kilauea” 

“is that a country?” M asked, and J chuckled, as did I. 

“It’s, it’s the volcano” I said in a soft, ‘oh my god’ tone.

“oh what?” 

“it’s the volcano” 

“oh” 

J and I laughed. I was doing the sheet of paper still of course until J started partially talking to me by kind of indirectly asking a question but he asked “how does B spell her name?” I started spelling it out then we all started and it got jumbled but he understood us and tried to do it but wouldn’t work. 

“B isn’t on my school system. What is she, B [last name]?” 

“B[last name]…?” 

“b-“ he started spelling it, and i finished it.

Then everyone started singing and I was like 

“are we having a karaoke session?” and a few of them plus J laughed. 

Then he asked G if she gets her emails on her phone but bless her for saying no because then I jumped in like 

“oh I do” 

“ahh check if it’s come through. L can check” 

“if it comes through”. 

I went into my Outlook app and was like 

“come on, update yourself” then it did and said I got it so he was like sweet.

 A video started playing on his laptop and the guy talking was Scottish I think but I said 

“oh he’s Irish” in an unintentional Irish accent, then said “or is it Scottish I can’t tell” 

“the best accent” he chuckled, and I let out a huff of laughter. 

E said we should go on a trip to an Island and so me and M said 

“we can’t even go on a trip to [city]!” and we were like lololol.

Just before he started the clip, J was saying about the survey 

“it’s best to be proactive and get it done now rather than put it in the back of your bag and forget about it so it doesn’t get done so let’s just be proactive this weekend, get it done early” 

“you wanna know what my priorities are this weekend?” 

“I actually don’t” he said sarcastically. 

“Art” I laughed.

He then played the video for the last 15mins or so but I just wasn’t really paying attention, I was concentrating on the bloody sheet of paper I was trying to finish.

There was about 1 or 2 mins to the bell when he stopped it and asked to get the chairs up, which was when I said 

“It’s annoying me I can’t get the last bits of this. Do you have the answers to this?” I held up the sheet for him to see and said

 “I’ve done most of it” AND HE FUCKING DOUBTED ME HE SAID 

“have you though?” 

“yeah!”

“that’s pretty good” 

“I got most of it I just can’t get a couple of them” 

“you were doing number 3 aye” 

“yep” 

“were I to fire,” 

“yeah” 

“an iron gun,” 

“yeah…wait no” 

“yeah hold on, were I to TAKE an iron gun,” 

“(both)and fire it off towards the sun, I grant-“ 

“(him) t’would“ 

“ohhhh okay” 

The bell went and he said- 

“thanks ladies, get those surveys done sooner rather than later! Monday form time is a good time to catch people because it’s 15 minutes. Tuesday you guys mind other classes, Wednesday/Thursday is short. So Monday if there’s not much happening in form time get those form classes done! Is there two in each form class at least?” 

“yeah there is” I confirmed. 

“oh yeah, sweet”. 

I looked at the sheet he was reading the answer to the rebus on, and I was like

“oh you were just reading it, you don’t actually have answers do you” 

“no, no, no. So, if I were to fi- take an iron gun, and fire it off towards the sun, I grant t’would reach it’s mark at last” 

“yeah” 

“but not till many years had passed. But should that bullet change it’s... force, and to the planets take it’s course” 

“okayyy” 

“t’would never reach the nearest star because it is so very far” 

“wowww okay”. 

I decided to get the bus, so I ran out to get my bags and walked back in to stuff my books and such into my bag. Once I managed that I saw all the chairs that hadn’t been put up but I said 

“I’d put your chairs up but I gotta go”.

I heaved my bag onto my back and had my 3 bags on and huffed a laugh because he looked at me amused but like ‘oh my god’. 

“as much of a pack mule as I already am” J laughed and repeated “a pack mule”

“thanks Mr have a good weekend!” 

“thanks!” he said cheerfully with a laugh and I left.

[peppusae]

(so) far away; myg

pre-note; hello, this is een and this oneshot is going to be the very first one i upload on tumblr !! for all of you that wants a touch of angst in their lives, here you go. ♥

also! i really love cactus boy so i wanted to dedicate this oneshot to @sau-na for writing such an amazing au soBS ♥ please notice my love for you-//slapped

(so) far away; min yoongi x reader

genre; angst, soulmate au. 

word count; 5640.

recommended list of songs to listen to while reading; (bts) spring day, (bts)just one day, (bts) first love, (vhope) hug me, (bts) goyeob, (bts) wishing on a star, & (agust d ft. suran) so far away. trust me, these songs will make your reading experience at least 3 times better. :’)

note; the ones in italics and in big quotation marks (blockquoted) are lines of the letter c:

💫

❝add a 'so' before you say 'far away'. it hurts less.❞

(so) far away; myg

❝dear yoongi-oppa,❞

there's a three-page long letter in his clutches, he's leaning against his bedpost while he sips a bit of his slurpee.

fan letters.

yoongi remembers when he received his first fan letter. how he was in tears to see the amount of support he'd been unknowingly receiving, and he was thankful. and now, he feels guilty that there's a huge stack of thousands of letters he'd never gotten the chance to read.

❝i love you. ❞

he's heard of this phrase millions of times. in multiple languages, and one thing was common each time; he can feel that his fans sincerely mean it, and it makes him happy. even if he didn't think it was really necessary to show it; he really did.

❝and i know that i'm one amongst the many hundreds of people who've said this to you. ❞

yoongi feels like the girl who's written this had read his mind, and he takes another sip of his slurpee before glancing back at the paper.

❝the first time i met you was back in 2008,❞  

he instantly cringes. high school days. he's wondering who the letter was from, and there's no return address or even a name written on it. eyebrows furrowed, he glances back at the hangul written on the sheet of paper.

❝we sat beside each other during language classes.❞  

yoongi's face scrunches even further while he tries to recall something... anything. but he's seen so many faces, who can blame him for forgetting one?

❝we barely said two words to each other. the occasional greetings, the usual 'i forgot to bring my textbook, can we share, please?' was the only way we interacted. but that was okay, because...

we never liked people much anyways.

there was one time when we were queuing up for the cafeteria line. you went to buy a sandwich, because the boy who sat behind you had let you know that they were serving lamb-meat that day.❞  

suddenly, yoongi feels hungry. it's almost 9pm, and he and hoseok had made a deal to not eat after then, so he simply takes another sip of his drink in silence.

❝the girl in front of me pushed me away and went ahead. you were behind me, and you spoke up.

she got her way, in the end, but i was glad you stuck up for me.

'just because you're frail doesn't mean she can treat you like that. i know how you feel, because i'm frail too,' you had said with a little chuckle, when i asked you why you did that, a few days later.

god, i love you so much.❞  

there's a tightening feeling inside his chest while yoongi coughs, he can feel the fizz of his drink rush to his nose, and he has to put away the letter for a second while he takes a tissue from the bedside table. seokjin, who's laying on the bed beside his own, looks up from his phone and glances at him with a hint of worry in his eyes.

"i'm fine, quit staring." yoongi says, and seokjin smiles. he's always brutal with words, it's starting to become funny now.

yoongi takes a few minutes to compose himself because he's slowly starting to remember exactly who it was, that sent him the letter. and his chest was hurting because if there was one person he wishes, didn't love him, it was the one who wrote the letter.

❝i'm not sure if you knew this, but i'm not korean.

i wish i was. i really did. but i wasn't, and i didn't start studying hangul until before my first year at high school.

i knew a little bit of the basics, but never enough to socially interact much. maybe that was why i didn't have many friends. and you were the opposite, you knew, you knew it well, and you chose to stay away from people. ❞

she knew him well, yoongi never doubted that anyways, and now he's smiling a little.anyways, and now he's smiling a little.

❝sometimes, when i walk to the cafeteria during lunch, i'd walk around...

and i'd find you sitting alone in the disbanded music club room, you'd be deeply focused and writing on that thick notebook you carried in your bag wherever you went. was that why you kept your textbooks at home?

and then... you'd rap. you'd sing. you'd tap the wooden tables, try and fail at beatboxing, and you never, ever took off your headphones.❞  

there's a lot of memories rushing to yoongi's head, and he feels a little nostalgic, unsure if he should be happy that he'd passed all that and was now living the life he wanted... or sad because he wasn't ready to read what else was written.

❝look at you now. all grown up and making your parents proud. making your friends proud. making daegu proud to have been the birthplace of someone so beautiful and so lovely, like you.

and most importantly,

making yourself proud.❞  

it wasn't fair. yoongi knew she was good with words, from the classes he shared with her, but... she wasn't supposed to make him this emotional.

❝remember when there was a cultural festival in year two?

i was in charge of writing the greeting on the banner.

i started studying hangul to be able to read and understand the scribbles and rough writings you'd make on the music club chalkboard... so i wasn't the best person for the task.

and i screwed up. you were my partner in language class, and that's why you were the one who saw it first.

'you fucked up, big time.' you had said, laughing. i'm pretty sure you didn't know that i'm not actually korean, so i didn't blame you.❞  

suddenly, yoongi wants to die.

❝you said that, but you brought a spare banner you'd found from hanging around in the music club room. i thanked you for saving my sorry ass, and all you did was nod.

it made me realize that even though you act like you don't care, you sincerely do.

maybe act isn't the word. maybe that's just how you are, and you really don't need to change yourself, because it's perfectly fine.

now that i think back, you've done a lot of little things like that which you may or may not remember, but means everything to me.❞  

'geez, this girl', yoongi thinks, shaking his head. there's still two more pages to go, now-familiar handwriting written on both sides. if this was his state at the very first page, staying here would not be a good thing for seokjin to see.

❝do you know of the soulmate theory?❞  

"hyung, i'm going out for a walk."

"okay, be safe. remember to take the- oh." okay, be safe. remember to take the- oh." seokjin pauses when he sees yoongi picking up his face mask and beanie before taking quick steps out. "stay safe."

❝you know where i'm getting at, right?❞

damn right he did.

❝you and your soulmate share a mark on the wrist which may appear at the randomest of times...

and if your soulmate does not love you back over a certain period of time...❞  

"you suffer from a fatal illness," yoongi completes, slipping down onto the first bench he sees. he doesn't need to read the next line to know it, he knew it well enough.

❝and i just... shit, i love you so much.❞  

panic floods to his head, and he feels his hands trembling a little as he tries to read the rest of the letter under the dimly lit city lights.

❝i miss daegu.

it's where we've both been living for the early days of our youth... and now we're both here in seoul. you'll stay here for a while, but i'll be leaving this city a few days after i send you this.❞  

there's no date on the letter either, and at this point, more than sad, yoongi feels angry.

❝doesn't it make you pissed that only you can see your soulmate mark?

that you have no idea who your soulmate is, and when the mark would appear, you don't know how long you have before your time limit gets reached?❞  

"of course it does, are you insane?" yoongi mutters to himself. "it's obvious."

❝i think the average time limit is for six months. most of my friends had half a year or so, and so did i. ❞

"did?" yoongi breathes out, his attention going to a mustang that passes by, honking continuously even though there was no traffic at all. he wishes he had the power to go punch whoever it was, but he's too lazy to bother.

❝remember valentine's day, when you received chocolates from literally everyone? they were all giving you chocolates because they liked you too, but you rejected them because you didn't want to 'waste money' on someone you were not interested in, later on white day.

you made them feel forced to say they were obligatory chocolates, and i remember the smug smile on your face.

you're a little jerk, you know that, don't you?❞  

yoongi relaxes a little, a small smirk forming on his face as he flips the page. he knew that well, too.

❝i gave you some as well. remember, red velvet cupcakes?

i told you they were obligatory chocolates, before you could even open your mouth.

... and then, you chomped the entire thing in one go.❞  

yoongi sighs, a hand adjusting his beanie a little, neck craning back as he looks up at the sky. there's not a single star in the sky, and for once, he feels a little lonely, just like how the sky would probably be feeling right about then.

he then makes a face, because that was a horrible analogy. this is why he should focus on music, instead.

❝they weren't obligatory. but i didn't want you to feel forced to give me a present.

and the above line is a lie too.

the truth is that i didn't want to hear you reject what i made for you.

...shit, i love you so much.❞  

yoongi feels his heart clenching each time he saw that written so neatly and yet, the more it gets repeated, the more uncomfortable he felt.

he sincerely wishes that she didn't.

for her sake, and for his own.

why didn't she write that that line was a lie, as well?

❝we were 17 when we graduated high school. you were ready to begin training; you'd been struggling with your family for days regarding that... and they finally let in, they finally allowed you to, and you...

you looked the happiest on graduation, while i was the saddest that day.❞

a small pout forms on his face at that, he clearly remembered how excited he was to be allowed to join. he remembers how he had struggled with the travelling, food expenses, and excessive work... he'd had to have two part-time jobs to make ends meet, barely being able to pass by.

it was...

❝painful.

it was painful, to see you suffer.❞

his hands are trembling again, and he wishes he'd brought a coat along with him, because suddenly, it begins to feel very cold again.

❝while attending college, i worked part time at your favorite noodle restaurant.

everyday, after finishing your training, i'd see you enter.

you always ordered the same two flavors❞    

yoongi decides to blame how cold he feels, on the drink he'd had earlier. taking deep breaths, he continues.

❝one was twice the price of the other.

and the day you bought the cheaper one, you'd take the train back home.

and on the other days, you'd walk the entire way back.

i later found out that it was because you were struggling with expenses...

and look at you now.❞    

"i never thought i'd make it, either." he breathes out, his eyes wavering a little as he flips to the next page. he notices the handwriting getting sloppier, realizing that she probably wrote the entire thing in one go.

❝i used to bring you the bowls of noodles every day.

you always had your face buried in your phone, where you switched to write your lyrics.

maybe that book you carried around before was becoming too hard to take everywhere?

i didn't know how i could say hello to you...

or how i would deal if you didn't remember me anymore.❞    

yoongi remembers. he earnestly remembers, he even remembers when-

❝remember how i went to the fanmeet near the end of last year?

that was the fanmeet when you excused yourself for five minutes, in between.❞

there was only one fanmeet where he left just like that, in the past four years, so he remembers extremely well what happened.

which was why he isn't sure if he wants to read the rest. he could almost exactly picture where she was going at, yoongi doesn't feel ready to read the rest.

❝shit. i love you so much.❞    

folding the letter three times, he stands up, heading back to the building. seokjin has fallen asleep by then, and yoongi puts the letter in his desk cabinet and closes it quietly. his head is full of multiple thoughts while he lays on his bed.

... and he's tossing and turning around but he can't get himself to fall asleep. after forty minutes of his unsuccessful attempt, he groans, getting off and throwing his quilt to one side. a small part of him is dying to know what else she had to say, but at the same time...

"fuck." he's cursing when he takes the letter back out, this time opening the balcony door quietly to make sure he doesn't wake seokjin up. the wind is blowing softly against his skin, and yoongi closes his eyes while he sighs, leaning against the wall of the balcony before he sits down and closes the sliding door.

❝it was so, so funny. sad, but funny.

i finally got to meet you as a fan, and look how fate ruined everything.

i could have just passed by like every other fan, but i had to make a huge fuss.❞ 

"you didn't make a fuss, shut the fuck up." he hisses, and he feels a little out of place, to curse while sitting all by himself.

❝you know what happened, right?❞    

he did.

❝well, at least for me. i wanted to cry. because it was the worst time for my soulmate mark to appear.

while being seated right in front of you, while i had requested to for you to hold my hand.❞    

yoongi wants to cry.

❝and just as fast as you reached your hand out and obliged to make a fellow army happy,

you took your hand away.

did your wrist feel like it was burning?❞    

"so much, i even had tears in my eyes." he exhales, lips pursed a little as he tries to envision the scene in his head once again, the familiar face appearing into his head and making him feel hollow inside.

❝i wanted to cry.

not just because it was so painful...

but because if there was one person in the world i wish wasn't my soulmate, it was you.❞    

"i wish that too..."

❝but you were, and i remember your widened eyes before i ran outside.

i even forgot to give you the present i saved up to get for you.

you're so stupid. how do you love slam dunk as much as you do and never remember to get a figurine for yourself?❞    

yoongi doesn't just want to cry, now. he wanted to punch something, to break something as hard as the way he feels his heart breaking.

"so you were the one who sent me that figurine? well, good for you, because it sits proudly on my bedside table." he says, wiping his eyes with his sleeve a little.

❝thank you.

thank you for your amazing mixtape.

i can't really say i relate to how you felt, because i didn't suffer from the serious kinds of depressions and social anxiety as you did.

but do you know how horrible it feels to always be sad?

and you're aware that it's not depression, so there's nothing you can even blame it on...

besides yourself?❞    

yoongi's head reels, his mind arranging words mentally because he was sure it would sound amazing in a rap. he feels horrible for thinking that.

❝you can't understand. because you didn't feel that.

and it's fine.❞    

"it's not fine, shut up."

❝ahaha. my soulmate is a celebrity. there's a limit to how twisted fate can be...

shit.

i love you.❞    

yoongi hasn't felt this emotional in a long while, and he puts the letter aside again, lying back on the concrete and covering his face with a hand. there's the sound of a firetruck passing by, and he slowly breathes out before he takes the last sheet out again.

❝we never really talked, anyways.❞    

"and that's why i could tolerate you, unlike most others. you really need to give more credit to yourself." yoongi swears that when he'd find out where she was at and make a visit to her personally, the next chance where he gets to go back to daegu.

he's making plans as he slowly drifts off to sleep, sheet of paper still over his face. the next morning, seokjin is amused and takes pictures of him before waking yoongi up. he feels groggy, a little crabby even, heading straight for breakfast after tossing the letter back into his drawer and locking it.

after breakfast, yoongi makes a request to his producer to plan an emergency visit back to daegu. not going into details, he adds that he'd like to meet his parents as well, and bang pd-nim lets him know that he'd see what he can do.

and that's why yoongi holds onto everything he got to make sure he does not read the rest of the letter before he makes his visit.

it's three weeks later before he finally gets a weekend off.

usually, he'd just be lying on bed doing nothing, or writing some lyrics, so he has an irritated expression on his face when he climbs into the car along with the maknae line.

initially, it was only supposed to be the daegu-line; just him and taehyung, going back home, but the two 'busan-born idiots', as yoongi has decided to name them, had brainwashed the younger daegu boy into getting them to join as well.

yoongi is already tired by the time the car begins to start.

❝sometimes when i see lamb meat in stores, i'd impulsively go and buy them.

i'd ask my mum to make it for me, because i'm not good at cooking.❞

"i bet i can make a better dish than your mom can."

"hyung? did you say something?" jungkook, who's driving the car, has to say and yoongi shakes his head. jimin and taehyung have their eyes glued to their phones, and jungkook gives a little nod before he turns on his bluetooth speaker.

yoongi plugs his own earphones and starts to play some music.

❝but i'm not allowed to eat meat anymore.❞  

he freezes. maybe reading this on the ride was not a good idea.

instead, he puts the letter back into his backpack, taking his phone out.

what he was about to do would be illegal, he was aware, but he feels like he has to do it. 'otherwise, i'd go insane', that's what he had decided for himself.

and just as he guessed, it's jimin who finds out and begins scolding him.

when jungkook and taehyung step out to buy snacks, jimin pokes yoongi's shoulder with a glare.

"hyung! why would you do that?!" he cries, finding out that yoongi had bribed a fanmeet manager.

"i'm going to meet a friend i haven't seen in a long time," he innocently shrugs. "so i have to find out her army membership details to get her address and contact number."

jimin looks ready to slap something, his head shaking in fast motions.

"that's illegal! there would have been other ways-"

"there isn't, trust me, i tried."

"then don't do it! if it's illegal, it's always wrong!" jimin loses it, punching the back of yoongi's seat in frustration. jungkook and taehyung step inside right then, and jimin's lips stay as a thin line for a while, before the maknae begins to crack stupid jokes.

❝oh, god. i love you.❞  

two hours later, the boys arrive in daegu, an excited taehyung taking his two friends to visit his parents. the young trio agree to meet yoongi on sunday evening to head back, and yoongi takes a cab to the address he had received.

two hours later.

two hours later was when yoongi finds out a lot of things.

two hours later, he's standing in front of a classic two-storey house, there's potted plants around the porch and yoongi hesitates a little when he presses the bell. he's about to press it for the third time when a woman who looks like she's in her mid-fourties, opens the door.

"um, hello." yoongi gives a small bow, "i'm here to see if it's fine for me to meet my friend." he explains. locks of the woman's graying hair sway a little when she flinches as soon as he mentions her name.

"you want to meet her?"

"yes."

the woman nods, opening the door a little and yoongi obliges, taking off his shoes before he steps inside. she leads him into the living room where he is offered a seat, and she excuses herself for a minute and steps into a room at one corner.

yoongi is expecting to see the girl when the door opens with a loud creak again, but it's the same woman, a thick book in her hand while she takes a seat in front of him.

"let me give you her address." she says, tearing a sheet of paper and scribbling something on it. yoongi gives a nod, trying not to show the disappointment on his face for having to travel yet again. 'it'll be worth it,' he tells himself, and he thanks the woman, who bows a little, to him before seeing him off.

❝college is as hectic as ever. can you actually believe that i'm studying language?

and i still struggle with hangul.❞    

"no wonder you always submitted your worksheets late. i always thought you were just plain stupid." yoongi has a little smirk on his face as he hands the paper to the driver and requests to be taken there.

it's not even three minutes before the cab stops, and yoongi raises an eyebrow in surprise. "what? we're here already?"

"yes, sir." the driver responds, taking the cab fare he hands. yoongi thanks him, picking his carry-on and opening the door.

"i think they close in an hour, just a reminder." the driver hands the paper back to him, and there's a perplexed expression on yoongi's face when he scrunches his nose a little. shrugging, he hops off, putting his face mask back on before he looks up.

and he's horrified.

he's horrified, because the first thing that catches his eye is the word 'cemetery'.

"what the fuck." his eyes fly to the note in his hand, and there's beads of sweat on his forehead when he sees block and row numbers, and instructions.

he lowers his bag, his chest throbbing while he tried to look from the note, to the sign on the front. and no matter how many times he looked, it remains the same and he wants to die.

bag still left unguarded, he breaks into a run, back to the address he's received from the fanmeet manager. he's breathless when the woman from earlier opens the door, and he makes no attempt to hide how he's feeling.

"that's a very horrible way of breaking the news to me." he's blunt, he's a little angry even, and the woman looks down at her feet, and there's a sad smile on her face as she speaks.

"the way she died was horrible too."

yoongi's lips are trembling again.

"and the worst part is that i can't even blame you. it's not your fault, it's not her fault, there's nothing i can blame this on... doing this was the only thing i could do and get away with it." the girl's mother now has tears streaming down from her eyes, and yoongi wants to blame her for his blurring vision.

he wants something to blame, anything... but she was right, there wasn't.

"which disease?" he's afraid of the answer, but he realizes that he needs to know, otherwise he'd go insane.

there's a pause, and the woman sighs, her eyes going doiwn to the floor as she simply says one word; one word that ruined everything for her, and yoongi both.

"hypoglycemia."

he's taking a few minutes to think through, and the woman looks at him, the way his lips are trembling.

"are you going to go back to visit her again?" she asks, and yoongi struggles to compose himself while he wipes his face with the back of his palm. he nods, bowing a little before he turns and walks back out. he feels hollow as he gets back on the road, it's actually quite close by to the address, and for once...

jimin was right.

if something is illegal, then it's wrong. and there's a part of yoongi who wishes he didn't bribe the manager, because jimin was exactly right about how illegal things are illegal for a reason.

never. he would never do anything illegal, he swears.

yoongi feels a little tensed as he steps inside, walking aimlessly till he reaches the information counter. he feels his heart burning as he mumbles her name to the security officer. the man, who doesn't look phased by the tears streaming down yoongi's face, leads him inside, and there's a lot of walking before they stop in front of a tombstone.

and there's a lot of those tombs, exactly like the one in front of him, but yoongi swears that her one was the prettiest. maybe that was because it has her name on it, but he really wishes there wasn't.

but it was, hangul characters engraved deep into the stone and yoongi realises that the way it's carved is no match for the way his heart was feeling at that moment. the guard leaves with a reminder than the place will be off limits in thirty-five minutes, and yoongi isn't paying much attention while he puts his carry-on on the soil and sitting down on it.

"i should have gotten some flowers."

❝i wish i got more time.❞  

"i wish you did, too."

❝but then, i realize that i've known you for all these years... and nothing changed.

so me having more time would probably have been a waste.❞  

yoongi's sneakers sink a little into the soil as he pauses for a second, making circles while he bites his bottom lip. there's no one around, and that's all the more reason why he wants to cry.

❝my favorite track from agust d's 1st mixtape is the very last one.❞  

the 24-year-old sighs, mumbling the lyrics of the song under his breath. his gaze goes back to the stone and the soil in front of it. his voice is cracking, but he's singing and he knows he'd look like a fool.

❝everything is changing, but why am i still here?❞  

"because you're important, you idiot."

❝and you didn't even lie.

you really are there for me.❞  

"what the fuck, i wasn't..."

❝you asked me, and every single one listening to it, to dream...

that you'd be there for us.❞  

his eyes are starting to hurt now as he breathes out and stops singing. "i wasn't there for you."

❝you were far away from me, maybe that's why you weren't physically able to do anything.

you have other things to do, so it's fine.❞

"you," yoongi hisses, "have something wrong with your head."

❝shit.

i love you, so much.❞  

"i wish you didn't... i wish i loved you before it was too late."

❝thank you.

for being a moral support for me.

for giving me something i can obsess over, like a crazed college-girl; you.

i got away with telling people i love you, because in their eyes, you're suga. the 'agust d'. so loving you was normal.

but in my eyes, you're the poor boy from daegu who would take two steps to the side when a girl starts to pass by you.❞  

a little smile forms on his face, he didn't think anyone noticed how awkward he'd been back then. "why are you like this?"

❝the boy who would wait until the basketball club students finishes their practice, so that he coul sneak into the gym and play by himself.

the boy who would leave half of his vegetables untouched but eat all the meat.

the boy who tried with all he had, worked his ass off, and still manage to stay as humble as you are while you've managed to get everything you wanted.

god.

i wanted to tell you that i love you, during the fanmeet.❞

"why didn't you?"

❝i had to leave in between...

and even if i did, you'd have said 'i love you too',

just like you do to every fan you meet.❞  

for once, yoongi doesn't have anything to say, and he simply sits, the clear sky looks beautiful with puffy white clouds scattered all over the canvas... and yet, he's sure that his eyes would be puffier then, and it's hurting not just his eyes, but his heart, so much that it's unbearable.

❝i couldn't look you in the eyes after finding out that you're my soulmate.

because for all those years...

all that time i spent secretly being in love you felt like a waste.❞  

"i'm so sorry..."

❝but it's not a waste, it's just... life, i guess? some people just get all the luck.

but i would never regret falling in love with you.

it's the only thing i did which i will never regret.❞  

"you're so difficult, jeez." he mumbles, biting his lip a little as he flips the page to the other side. the final side, and he'd rather die than read what was written.

❝god...

i hate myself.

i'm such a hypocrite. i say i don't regret it, but i wish i didn't fall in love with you.

especially after you became an idol.

i really, really wished i didn't, after that.

and i totally blew it in the fanmeet, too.

that was the last time i was allowed to go out alone.❞  

yoongi's head reels back to the day, when he had met her for the last time, where she had her hair neatly combed, paired with a bright smile as soon as they locked eyes.

and she had asked to hold his hand, and yoongi had done as requested...

❝we never really talked much anyways.❞  

and they didn't. yoongi had found it weird that the girl wasn't doing any talking, because she simply sat, staring up at him with a smile on her face. and he had smiled back, squeezing her hand a little until he felt his wrist burning.

but his wrist was not burning; his soulmate mark was etching.

❝our soulmate mark appeared at the same time, just how cruel can life be?❞  

and yoongi had let go of her hand with a little grunt, and the girl lost her balance, falling to the ground as her gaze went to her wrist.

❝when we both looked at our own wrists... and then saw each others, we were sure that we soulmates.

but both you and i...

we didn't want this to happen.❞  

and now, yoongi has his face scrunched up as he cried, a fist clenching and hitting the soil as he tries to let out how frustrated he feels.

❝but for one thing, i'm glad i do love you...

what if your soulmate was someone, who didn't love you back?❞  

"why are you bothering about my health at a time like this, i swear to god." he breathes heavily, noticing a small bug on the soil. he feels defensive as he flicks the bug away before he wipes his face with the sleeve of shirt.

❝... god, i love you, min yoongi.❞  

there's a person who's voice announces that there's five more minutes before closing time. yoongi really, really hates outdoors, but he promises to himself that he'll visit this place every single time he got to daegu.

❝add a 'so' before you say 'far away'.

it hurts less.❞

"it still hurts me, how do you expect me to go through with this?"

❝because then, you can blame it on the distance.

back in high school, i was right beside you.

but it always felt like i was really far away from you.❞  

yoongi stands up, taking a fresh piece of paper from his carry-on. fishing around for a while gets him a pen, and he balances the paper on his thigh while he starts writing hangul characters.

❝shit, i love you so much. ❞

yoongi has a satisfied expression as he nods at the piece of paper multiple times. getting up on his feet and brushing off his pants a little, he bends down and places the paper right beside the tombstone.

❝ and despite everything, i have no regrets. ❞

"next time, i'll bring you some flowers. a lot of them. i promise you that." he says, taking a bit of soil and putting it over his note, making sure it doesn't fly away.

❝ and i'll be your number one fan forever, your biggest fan even from before you became famous.

a fan who's always...

(so) far away.❞  

"and i'll love you forever, even though you're (so) far away."

the end.

💫

"삶의 끝에 함께 하리"

"let's be together at the end of life."

- hmu on twt; @peppusae ;”) 

[allonsy-yesiwill]

Seattle’s Best

Pairing Dean X Reader, Sam X Reader,

Word Count 3100 ish

Warnings: Nothing really it’s pure fluff in the center with a coding of angst and sadness….just take one big bit it will be worth it in the end. Drinking/ Drunk. Football...ps I am not even a Hawks fan but I have been to more than a few of their games and it’s a lot of fun.

A/N: Lau’s Summer Escape Challenge… congrats on hitting 4000 followers. I hope this makes you smile even if you don’t like football or the Seahawks :)  Another fun fact the field picture below is actually from a Hawks vs Chargers game...my boss at the time took our team and he drove so we could drink all of the beers #winning

Written for @dancingalone21​

Prompt: Location Seattle WA

“Pretty pretty please Dean, it’s my birthday and I want to got to Pike’s Place, catch a Football game, even just wandering the streets with a buzz would be awesome,” you begged Dean already having sold Sam on the idea of taking a mini holiday for your birthday.

You had come up with the idea once you found out there was a case in your home state of Oregon. While you loved your home state, you missed all of the fun road trips you would make with your friends up to Seattle. Even with your whole life now being a big road trip, the memories of catching a fish at the market or drunken pre-game goodness made your heart grow two sizes. With everyone in your life now thinking you are dead you only had your boys to help you create new memories with.

“Y/N, you know it’s going to be crazy up there. Preseason has started, the hotels and everything are going to be full. We can hang out in Portland for your birthday if you want instead. No football team but I can drop you and Sammy off for wine tasting somewhere,” Dean let out.

You tried to hide it but your heart sank and you did the best you could to hold back the tears of disappointment. You had been talking about Seattle this whole trip but nothing had worked. Sam was on your side about taking a mini holiday for your birthday but he didn’t really care where. You felt defeated so you let out, “Fine. But I don’t want to go to Portland for wine tasting. I would rather go to Hood River.”

The boys finish loading up the car and you all were getting ready to head out and leave the small town of Cottage Grove for an equally small town of Hood River, it’s just over a 4-hour drive. As you drive up I5, you stare out the window you remember all of the good times you had on those road trips up north. The last game you went to in Seattle, Seahawks vs Panthers or Seachickens vs the kitty cats as one of your old friends use to say.

Before getting too far Dean stops for gas and snacks, letting you and Sam know that this will be lunch so get whatever you want.

“Y/N, what do you want and I will grab it for you,” Sam asks noticing that you are less than your chipper self.

“I don’t know, I will come inside. I am not that hungry really.”

As you step out of the car Sam wraps his arm around you asking, “Everything okay kiddo?”

“Yeah just living in the past a bit, I will get over it once there is wine in my glass,” you say with a soft smile.

“I know it’s not perfect but I promise we make the most out of it. Happy almost birthday Y/N,” Sam said softly placing a kiss on the top of your head.

Settling back into the backseat you save your food for letting and let your eyes fall back on the road. It didn’t take long for your eyelids to feel heavy as you allow sleep to take over.

“Good morning, princess,” Dean lets out as you wake up. It’s dark and you are trying to figure out why you were still even driving this late as you would have been there before the sunset. Taking in the city lights knowing this is not the small town of Hood River you ask, “Where are we?”

“Just a small detour Y/N we should be to our hotel in about 5 mins,” Sam said.

“Okay great,” you stay still trying to wake up.

As the Impala comes to a stop and Dean turns off the engine you go through the normal motions with the fog of sleep still keeping you out of the moment. It isn’t until you get out of baby and stretch when you realize where you are.

“Oh MY GOD REALLY!” You cry out as Dean and Sam move closer to you.

“Really princess,” Dean said as you tackled him with a hug, tears of joy falling from your eyes.

“The Hawks are playing the Chargers this Sunday by the way,” Sam says drawing your attention to him.

“And we are going?” You look at him with your best puppy dog eyes.

“Of course kiddo,” once Sam finishes his statement you tackle him with a hug as well.

The boys grab your things and start to check into the room while you take in this nicer than normal hotel located within walking distance to the stadium.

Entering the room you push open the curtains to see the lights of the town. While you loved your life with the boys you also missed big cities. “What are we doing tonight boys,” you asked with a big smile.

“Well tonight, let’s just take it easy and head to a bar, somewhere close. Tomorrow we will escort your highness to Pike’s Place.”

“I am a birthday princess,” you said with a smile beaming, “Let me change.”  You had packed some of your nicer going out clothes in the hopes that you could win the boys over so you went into change putting up on skinny jeans and knee high boots and a low cut but loose shirt. Walking out of the bathroom you announce, “Let’s go, boys.”

“Um, Y/N, should we have gotten you your own room for this stay,” Sam asked somewhat timidly.

“Nope, just looking to get some birthday drinks purchased for me, “ you say winking at Dean as you notice his eyes roaming over your body.  “I can leave you behind if you would rather,” let out with a little pout, waiting for the boys to walk out of the room.

“Not a chance in hell,” Dean says hurrying to the door.

The night is all that you could have hoped for. Walking into a trendy dive bar you knew you would not be buying any of your drinks that night. Sam and Dean stayed closed but never interfered with your reckless flirting.  Every time you touched a man’s shoulder you could hear Sam laugh and Dean growl.

At one point in time you had filtered with Dean like this, however, he never took you up on any of the offers. So you moved on, still hoping that someday you would get to taste him but you were no longer holding your breath.

“Sweetheart, it’s almost 1 am. I think we need to head out,” Dean said placing his hand on your hip.

“Why is that Dean, you got something else planned for me tonight,” you let out in your drunken state with another wink.

“Just want to make sure you get home safely, darling.”

“I can do that, what was it, Dean,” a strong male voice let out from the otherside of Y/N. “The name is Mark,” the new gentlemen said extending his hand to Dean.

“Yeah sorry buddy that’s not going to happen, ever,” Dean growled while pulling you off your seat and into his body.

“Dude possessive much?”

“What did you say,” Dean’s growl deepened as he stepped in front of Y/N making sure to leave Mark something to remember with.

“Nothing dude, she’s all yours have a good life,” Mark said walking away.

You can’t help but let out a laugh spitting back the word that Mark had let out, “Possessive much….hahahaha.”

Dean shot you a look and you quickly shut your pie hole. Walking towards the door a bit less graceful than when you entered due to all of the drinks, you find yourself almost kissing the sidewalk upon leaving the bar.

“My hero,” you called out as Dean saved your face from making contact, “You must be my knight in shining armor…..after all I am your princess right?”

“Of course sweetheart now let's get you home without breaking your face,” Dean let out with a small laugh.

The walk back to the hotel was pretty much you singing and dancing down the street as the boys did their best to make sure you stayed up right, before letting you walk into the room and do a face plant on the bed.  

“Sammy, I am pretty sure this is going to be our whole weekend,” Dean said rubbing a head down his face.

“It’s her birthday what did you expect, besides you like taking care of her.”

Dean shot Sam his best bitch face when you let out, “It’s cool boys I got this, but for now I am just going to close my eyes.” Finishing your words you crawl the rest of the way into the bed.

“Oh if only it were that simple,” Dean let out sitting on the best and unzipping your boots.

The sun wakes you up a bit earlier than the next morning, and surprisingly you are not hungover and find yourself still excited about the day ahead. Getting out of bed you see Dean asleep on the sofa and Sam in the other bed, you drag your bag into the bathroom and quietly start to get ready for the day.

An hour later you are all set for the day coming out of the bathroom fully dressed with a smile.

“Well aren’t you up early,” Sam let out.

You smile, “Good morning to you too sunshine.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Y/N,” Dean says getting up from the sofa. It’s true in the bunker and on most normal days you aren’t a morning person, however, today you overcome with joy and the things you can’t wait to do.

“I am just happy Dean, don’t hate,” you let out turning your back to him, “Hurry up and get dressed boys so we can get coffee and start our day.

You were pleasantly surprised at the lack of complaining Dean was doing. You were sure every time you stopped to look at a craft booth in Pike’s Place that he was going to roll his eyes but he didn’t. While there were a few comments shared when you and Sam looking at the organic food part.

As the morning turned into afternoon the 3 of you finished up the time at the market. You and Sam now waiting on Dean to come back after leaving his cell phone where the three of you stopped for a lunch and a drink. When Dean returned the 3 of you headed back to the hotel.

Walking in you drop your shopping bags and fall on the bed again, this time from simple exhaustion.

“You good Y/N,” Sam says entering the room next.

“Yeah I just need a nap,” you let out kicking off your shoes. You hear Dean laughing as he walks in and sees you crawling under the blanket of your bed. “Don’t laugh at me Winchester, it's my birthday and I will do what I want.”

“Okay princess, well at least let me help you with that,” Dean says coming over to help you spread the blanket over your full self.

“Blah, whatever,” you spit as your eyelids close.

You sit straight up asking, “ What time is it?” Almost as if had slept through your alarm.

Dean laughs, “ It’s 8:30.”

“In the morning!!!!”

“Nope evening, Sam when to a museum or something but will be coming back with food. Unless you wanted to go back out tonight?”

“No I am good, we have a big day of drinking ahead of us tomorrow, best to rest up today.”

You and Dean decided it’s best to stay in and watch a movie in the hotel room. Dean sends Sam a message letting him know they are waiting for him and dinner to start. When Sam does return just before 9 pm you are already changed into your PJ’s curled up on the sofa watching tv. The rest of the night is a burl, the boys fighting over some of the snacks that Sam had returned with. Finally settling in for the movie, you took in everything that surrounded you and if only for these few moments everything was simple, normal, apple pie life.

You wake the next morning in your bed again, seeing Sam and Dean in their same places as the prior morning. You feel a bit bad, you remember telling Dean that you were more than happy to share the bed, you two have done it a million times. There was a moment when you felt uncomfortable with it, based on how much you liked him. However, once you accepted your sealed fate of friends you allowed yourself to relax and just be your flirty self, knowing that you loved having him as part of your life. You also knew that he had to move you to the bed last night as the last thing you remember was falling asleep in his lap on the sofa. So he had to make the choice to stay on the sofa and not crawl into the bed.

You wonder why, but try not to let it fill your mind. As you start the small coffee pot in the hotel room and head into the shower. When you get out of the shower you realize you forgot the clothes you wanted to wear so you slowly open the door to grab your bag and you realize you don’t see either of the boys. You hop out in only your towel and run to your bag.

Then you hear it, ‘ Good morning sweetheart is that your outfit for the day.” You could hear the smile fall on Dean’s face thought his voice. You stood up a bit taller and made sure to hold the bottom as the towel together as these towels never seemed to cover much.

“Um no, sorry I forgot. Is Sam here? Um could you maybe not...um.” your rambling was only cut off by Dean’s voice.

“Sam went to use the hotel gym, why don’t I step outside and give you a minute.”  You were ever so thankful for the first moment Dean decided to be a gentleman with you and you were pretty sure it was only because your face was the color of a lobster by now.

You hurry and get dressed in your Hawks gear and open the door letting both Sam and Dean back into the room. “Thanks, Dean,” you softly say when he walks by you, he just smiles. You and Dean relax watching TV while Sam gets ready. It’s almost 10:30 and you are ready to hit the streets for the pre game party.

Once Sam is dressed you drag both of them out of the hotel and onto the crowded streets. Vendors were set up everywhere making it hard to get to the bar you were looking for. You knew from prior experience that the drum line would be making its rounds soon and you didn’t want to miss them so you ducked into your favorite sports bar and found some of the last seats at the bar. The crowd is full of life, everyone talking, singing or dancing, it’s like happiness was a communicable disease on game days in Seattle.

(you can listen to Seahawks Blue Thunder Here)

“Do you hear that,” you let out with a big smile as you hear the beats from the Blue Thunder Drumline coming. The drumline does a lap around the city before the game starts making sure everyone is ready for the game.

“I hear lots of things,” Sam sassy you.

“Just wait and watch,” you say pointing to the door.

When the first of the line comes in silence falls on the bar and all you can hear is the drumline. Everyone in the bar knows the music include you. You jump up and join the crowd yelling and dancing with everyone, the drumline leaves after everyone shouts out “Seahawks.”

“Is that normal,” Sam asks.

“Only on game day, Sammy.”

Excited for the game and wanting to check out your seats you finish your drinks and head to the stadium. As you are walking that way you and can hear the drumline again and you can help but shake your hips to their music and give the appropriate cries at least for the songs you know. You can both see and hear Sam and Dean chuckle as you dive head first into the excitement.

As day turns into night you could not be more happy with your life and the memories that were created today. The Hawks will be taking home another W, even with 10 mins left in the game. You bask in the glow of the day as Sam and Dean talk about the game and its big plays. With the people gone from in front of you, you put your feet up on the seat and lean back letting your head fall up towards the sky. As you close your eyes you feel Dean’s arm wrap around your shoulders as he asks, “ You okay princess.”

“M yup couldn’t be better.”

“We can head out now if you want,” Dean asks with a bit of concern on his face.

“Not going to make a difference, we can just wait till the game is over.” Dean smiles in agreeance and asks, “Okay well do you want your birthday present then?”

You sit up furrowing your brow looking at this, “ Isn’t this it?”

“Well, part of it,” he said as he pulled out a square black box from his jacket.

“Dean, this was already so much. I do,” you were cut off by him.

“Stop and just open it, sweetheart.”

“Fine fine.”

Opening the box you a bracelet with what you can only assume is the longitude and latitude for Seattle. You look up at Dean as you try to fight back the tears of happiness.

Dean grabs it from the box and starts placing it on your wrist, “ it’s useful too, made of 100% silver.”  When his words finish he tightens his arm around you bring you close enough to place a kiss on your forehead letting out a soft happy birthday.

“Thank you, Dean, this has been my best birthday so far and I am so very grateful. But can I ask a question?”

“Sure, anything.”

“Why?”

Pulling back a bit to face you, he lifts your chin and starts his answer,“Because you are amazing and I am not good at telling people that. I do better at showing them. I just wanted you to feel as amazing as I feel when you are around.”

You can’t help the feelings that are coming up, maybe there is a shot for you and Dean but either way you were going to enjoy this moment right now. Let out a small laugh and a sassy,  “Possessive much.”

“Don’t worry I’ve got plans to show you that later sweetheart,” he growled squeezing you again this time firmly placing his lips on yours.

You let out a soft moan as he pulled away, “Mmm thank you, Dean, best birthday ever.”

Tags

@keepcalmandbeajunkie​

[allskynostars]

I want an answer to all the questions 😁

Gee, thanks T ;) 

1. What is you middle name?

Lee. It’s my Dads middle name, and my brother and I have my Mum’s surname seeing as they were never married (now separated) so she gave us our Dads middle name as our own. So me my brother and my Dad all have the same middle name. Oh and and my oldest brother (different Dad) has Lee hyphenated into his first name so there ya go hahah.  

2. How old are you?

23, 24 in 5 weeks :) 

3. When is your birthday?

August 20th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Leo (it fits)

5. What is your favorite color?

Purple

6. What’s your lucky number?

My favourite number is 2, so therefore my lucky number is 22.

7. Do you have any pets?

There is a cat at the flat I’m currently living in, he’s the fattest ever and his name is Zinny. 

8. Where are you from?

Born in London. Moved to NZ when I was 6 months old. So legally British, but I am a Kiwi. 9. How tall are you?

I honestly don’t know but I’m tall. 5′9 maybe?

10. What shoe size are you?

In NZ I’m a 9 or a 10. I think it’s 8 UK, 42 US? I have big feet okay haha. 

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

At the moment only like 4 cause I just moved country and gave a lot away. 

12. What was your last dream about?

I wish I could remember :(

13. What talents do you have?

I can rap? Haha like don’t get me wrong I can’t freestyle but if I hear a song enough I get pretty good. But that probably ties in with my ability to just know the words to nearly every fucking song. My boyfriend always plays this game where he’ll start singing a song and then I have to sing the whole thing haha. 

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I mean I say I am all the time but it’s not serious. 

15. Favorite song?

This is so hard to answer. I have so many. it depends on my mood haha. 16. Favorite movie?

I am a movie buff. I cannot simply pick one. Although one film I could watch at any time is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Oh and Shutter Island. Mark Ruffalo & Leo Dicaprio are my faves. Breakfast Club? Only Lovers Left Alive. I can’t pick. 

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Seth Cohen.

18. Do you want children?

I do, but there are days I wonder if I actually do, you know?

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nooo.

 20. Are you religious?

Noooo.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Plenty of times, haha. 

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

I can’t say I have, no

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes! Quite a few if I can boast haha. Aidan Turner, Dean O’Gorman, Karen Gillan, Jamie Campbell Bower, Marl Ruffalo, Aaron Taylor Johnson, Jeremy Renner, Chris Hemsworth, Robert Downey Jr, Andrew Scott, Jenna Coleman. That’s all I can recall right now haha. I have photographic evidence of all except RDJ :( 

24. Baths or showers?

It depends! 

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Black :) 

26. Have you ever been famous?

Haha no. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

I don’t think so, to be honest.

28. What type of music do you like?

A broad range. A lot is like indie/pop, and I really do listen to a lot of rnb/rap which always surprises people. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

God no haha. If I had the balls. 

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

1 since we moved here but ideally 2. 

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my side. 

32. How big is your house?

Not very. It’s converted (typical London) so it’s basically fit anything where you can haha. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I don’t eat it normally, but if I do it’s cereal or toast. Also love pancakes. 

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope. 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

At a school camp, once. 

36. Favorite clean word?

Clean word? LIke non swear word? Lovely. 

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck. Classic.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Like 36 hours or so but I don’t do well on no sleep. 

39. Do you have any scars?

Just little cuts and things, nothing major. 

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

No, had a stalker once. 

41. Are you a good liar?

Kind of. 

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I believe so. 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Not at all I am terrible at accents haha.

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I’m told not really, not compared to others. It’s probably because my family were English so it’s buffered.

45. What is your favorite accent?

Irish. 

46. What is your personality type?

INFP-T 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Nothing I own is expensive haha.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes.

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie!

50. Left or right handed?

Right :)

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Yes, any creepy crawlies ew. 

52. Favorite food?

Mexican!

53. Favorite foreign food?

^^^

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Messy but hates mess. 

55. Most used phrased?

Oh my god.

56. Most used word?

Probably a swear word.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends on whether it’s just going out or like going out out. Anywhere from 10 mins to an hour. 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I don’t think so no.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Often haha. 

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Very often haha.

62. Are you a good singer?

I’ve been told I’m actually not that bad a few times haha so thats something I guess. 

63. Biggest Fear?

Whales. 

64. Are you a gossip?

Sometimes… hahah.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

What kind of dramatic? Prisoners was so good and that sprung to mind. 

66. Do you like long or short hair?

My hair? Looooog. I cut it short 2 years ago and regretted it so much. On others? Unphased. Love a good man bun but don’t we all..

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I doubt it haha. 

68. Favorite school subject?

Biology.

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert mainly, extrovert tendencies. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No, terrified of the ocean. Which is annoying because it’s beautiful but ugh.

71. What makes you nervous?

Lots, especially having so speak to people I don’t know, about jobs etc.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Love the dark.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

My boyfriend all the time,because he’ll still love me, but not normally anyone else haha. 

74. Are you ticklish?

No.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

No.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

In my previous management jobs, yeah.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

A lot.

78. Have you ever done drugs?

A couple times..

79. Who was your first real crush?

Non celeb? When I was like 12 I was obsessed with a guy my cousin has been with for 3 years and owns a house with haha. 

80. How many piercings do you have?

Nose & ears.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

No?

82. How fast can you type?

If I get going quite fast. Dunno actual speed.

83. How fast can you run?

Not very anymore haha.

84. What color is your hair?

Naturally dark brown. Dyed darker but not black.

85. What color is your eyes?

Blue.

86. What are you allergic to?

Nothing I know of.

87. Do you keep a journal?

I want too!

88. What do your parents do?

Mum Retail, Dad Accounting to put it simply cause I don’t actually know.

89. Do you like your age?

23 has been good to me.

90. What makes you angry?

Inequality.

91. Do you like your own name?

I don’t hate it, but it’s boring.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I have a few.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

If I could pick, 2 boys 1 girl.

94. What are you strengths?

I’m fiercely loyal.

95. What are your weaknesses?

Also stubborn, is that a weakness? V shy.

96. How did you get your name?

My Nans name was Jennifer, my Mum wanted to name me after her but not completely so therefore; Jenna. Also my family has a history of J’s. My Nan, Mum, oldest brither and 2 cousins are J names. 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I wish haha.

98. Do you have any scars?

Answered.

99. Color of your bedspread?

Pretty patterned pink/blue.

100. Color of your room?

These walls are like a light yellow but I did not chose it haha. 

That took way too long god I am boring.

[sawthingsiimagined]

#XD30 - NINE | DOUBLE TROUBLE

[ New Flame - Jada] "And now, give a huge Miami welcome to...FLAME!", exclaimed the announcer. The arena went completely black as we took our marks on the set. I would appear behind a veil-like material that would act as flame at the top of burning car and my brother would step out of the car. The car was was being moved on a moving walkway on the stage to give the illusion that my brother was driving. Red lights begin to flash as the car parked center stage. The audience goes crazy. They scream so loud that I was afraid that I would miss my cue to come in. My brother and I prayed fervently before we left the hotel room that evening and were confident that we would put on a great show. Here we are. Two kids from a small suburb right outside of Atlanta, Ga performing for thousands of people. "Are y'all ready to dance?!", I say as loud as I can over my mic. "Let's take a ride. I guarantee to have you home before the morning light.", Jace began singing. His voice was so perfect. He looked great. I knew he was nervous. Hell, I was nervous. But it was something about jumping out there on that stage and the energy of the audience that took all of that nervous energy away. We performed for 40 min and the crowd loved every minute of it. We had one costume change and somehow wardrobe misplaced my shoes for the second costume but besides that, our show was flawless. "Thank you everybody! Be sure to get our debut album 'Double Trouble' available everywhere on July 1st!", I said as we left the stage. We exited the stage and I immediately jumped in my brothers arms. Jace is literal perfection. I know I'm the outgoing one but I want to be like him in so many ways. I look up to my brother and I hope our, already strong relationship, grows stronger. After our embrace we head back to our dressing room to meet Mona and to our surprise our entire family was waiting in the hallway. "Oh my God!", I screamed running into the arms of my grandpa. Bishop, was the first person I saw and then I hugged my grandma, mom and dad. A couple of our aunts and uncles came along as well as our cousins. We even had a couple of close friends from our church all there with flowers and balloons to celebrate our awesome performance. It meant so much for us to be here. Growing up as preacher's kids, we were blessed to have family who supported our secular music. However, we didn't push the envelope when it came to our lyrical content out of respect to our upbringing and legacy. After hugging everyone and exchanging words of excitement I changed so that I could join everyone else in the arena to see SASSY perform. They came out and did their thing...if that's a nice way of saying that they were "ok". It felt like we were at an entire new arena watching from the audience. Everything is much different on stage. We hadn't interacted with SASSY since we've been here. I didn't even get close to them at the pool party but Mona informed us that they were looking forward to meeting us at the afterparty tonight. The concert ended at 11pm exactly. We rushed back stage for a quick meet and greet. Our family and loved ones went back to their hotel to rest up. We would meet them for breakfast to celebrate tonight's show. I was taking a picture with the last fan when I heard someone scream. After the previous night's events I jumped out of fear. When I looked up I saw Q walking in with 2 dozen red and white roses. I can't explain the way I almost ran up to him and kissed him. I had to remind myself that I haven't even called him yet. "Superstar you were amazing and I had to make sure I came to tell you that myself.", Q said flashing a smile as if he was Jay Z looking at Beyoncé. After tonight, honey I felt like Beyoncé. I ran to him to give him a hug. I've never received flowers like that from a guy so I thought a hug would be the proposer exchange, although he was looking so good I wanted to give him some of "Jada's Pink Kit" right backstage. "Thank you friend!", I said with my face buried in his neck. You call guys 'friend' when you aren't sure of their motive but yet you have a motive of your own. It keeps things neutral. He smelled so good. "I'm so happy you came.", I said. "I told you I was. You're too pretty to lie to.", he said. I blushed. "I can't stay long because the car is waiting. Maybe I'll catch you later?", he asked. "I understand and yea....maybe.", I said with a flirty smile. Security escorted me to my car. I was slightly disappointed that it was Paul again and not Ernest. I hadn't see Ernest since he brought me back to my room. I hope I didn't break his dick and have him in the hospital. I should probably check on him. "Hey Paul.", I begin to ask as he opened the door for me to get in the car. "Where is Ernest?", I asked. "Ernest had some family matters to tend to. He will be back tomorrow.", Paul replied. "Oh ok, just asking. You're great. I just remember him saying that y'all rotated so I didn't know if I need to report him if he had you out here working doubles for him.", I lied. I got in the car. Truth is, after performing like we did tonight, I was extremely turned on. Something about all of that hip thrusting, and knowing that every person in the audience is lusting after you in some way, made me horny as hell. Mona, Adrienne and Jace were already in the car when I got in. We laughed and looked at footage from our set on various fan's social media pages. Mona was so proud of us. I can always tell when she's excited because her voice goes from proper "Hello Miss White Woman" to country "I made the potato salad" really quick. Tonight's after party was at a night club called XHALE. The line to get in was wrapped around the building. Of course we were the special guests so we would walk right in. SASSY was walking in when we pulled up so we had to wait in our car until their security team had them situated inside of the club. I thought about the flowers Q brought me and how good he looked tonight. It was crazy that this time last year I was at a TRAPPERS concert. I remember it ended early, because of a fight, but it was so fun and since then I followed the popular rap group keeping up with their music and appearances. Now, their lead guy was acting as if he was into me and brought me flowers after opening night. I decided to text him. I texted him: 'Hey Q. Thanks again for the flowers. If you guys would like to party with us tonight we are at CLUB XHALE. I would love to tell you thank you again in person.' I knew after I sent the text that he would have my number and a new relationship of some sort would be formed. What is a bitch to do? Hmmmm SEND! We get out of the car to walk the red carpet. People are screaming and taking pictures of us. My phone vibrated and I saw that it was Q. I stopped right there and checked the message. The text read: 'Ok mama. On the way to you.' My inner hoe began to rise. He called me mama which means he must be daddy. We are about to play house! I continued into the club trying to decide if I was going to play 'hard to get' or 'hard to get away from'. He's a celebrity with millions of girls throwing themselves at him daily. He probably has baby mamas and groupies galore. I better not mess with him until I know I can keep my feelings out of it. Shouldn't be hard because I still had a mission to get as much as I could on this tour. Guys do it all of the time so for this tour I was going to rep the rockstar life for the ladies. We head over to our section and 'THROW SOME MO' began playing. I immediately started throwing my ass to the beat. I could see Jace shaking his head before venturing off. About 20 minutes later, Mona walks us over to meet SASSY. They were just as I expected; Fake and fraudulent. I put on a fake show for them because I was grateful to be on their tour. Maybe after a couple of cities I would get to know them and like them. I tried to give the black girl of the group the "hey Sis" wave and she looked at me with a smile that read "umm excuse me I don't speak peasantry." I knew then I'd probably eventually have to catch her outside and throw some hands. Such a dry weave heifer. They were eating my brother up. The can look but that's all they can do. I was going to find the perfect girl for my brother and it wouldn't be any of them. I felt an arm wrap around my waist. I turned around and it was Q. I gave him a tight hug. I turned around to excuse myself from Mona and the rest of the crew when I noticed ol' girl from SASSY, the black one, looking like she felt some type of way about Q coming for ME. I decided to rub it in. "Hey Mona, if anymore of the fans want to meet us just text me. I'm going to the bar to talk to Q.", I said and then turned around making sure my hair flicked over my shoulders. I grabbed Q's hand and escorted him to an empty space at the bar. "You came.", I said like a little girl excited to see Santa. "Of course. You rang.", he answered trying to rhyme. It was cheesy but in a cute way for a rapper. "Can I get you a drink?", he asked. "Sure, I'll take a...", I began as he cut me off. "Hey Mike! Hook me up with 2.", he yelled at the bar tender. First name basis? Two what? "Don't worry, I come to this club every time I'm in Miami. Mike makes the best drinks and knows what I like.", he said. We got our drinks and began to talk. I learned that the other 3 guys in TRAPPERS all grew up on the same street as Q. They went to school together and pretty much got caught up in the thug life together. They were from Jacksonville, Fl. I wasn't aware that Jacksonville had thugs but whatever. The TRAPPERS were truly thugs just made over with a star appeal. We talked so much that I missed some messages from Mona. I glanced across the club and they were having a good time so I didn't bother to text her back. I also notice Paul not too far away. When he wasn't looking I took Q's hand and pulled him down a hallway that lead to what looked like offices. There were people in the hallway. I needed to get somewhere a little quieter. I felt like we had been screaming to hear each other all night. "So where are y'all going after this?", he asked. "We have a show in Charlotte tomorrow night and then we have a day off before heading to D.C.", I answered. "Oh word. We'll be in D.C. in a couple of days too. We have a performance at Howard University. They want us to come encourage students to go to school. I hate school and didn't go to college but I'll take whatever check Howard is writing.", Q said with the smile of a scammer. "I hear ya. Well I'm a college drop out thanks to our record deal and this tour. Maybe I'll see you there too.", I said. "You said that like you're about to say goodbye", he said with a look of disappoint. "Oh no, I just didn't want to come off thirsty and ask you to hang out in D.C. I'm a direct person but I'm still taking in everything that's going on right now. Don't let me keep you out late though.", I said with a chuckle putting my head down just in case I came off crazy. He grabbed my chin and pulled my lips to his. HOE! Before I knew it I had my hand around his neck and we were kissing. It was crazy that Chris Brown's song 'New Flame' was playing in that moment. After a while I no longer heard the music or noticed anyone else's presence in that moment. He pulled away. "I would ask if I can take you back to your room but I don't want to come off too direct either....although I am a little thirsty. Do you mind thirsty Jada.", he said running his tongue across his top grill. Forget the hotel. I couldn't wait and I knew the crew would want to stay up and talk about tonight. Whatever was about to happen will have to happen right now. I thought about seeing if we could 'talk' in his car but he's a celeb and I know there are a lot of people who would chase us once we exited this front doors. I look around and notice one of the office doors cracked open. I take his hand again and lead him into the room not caring who saw us go in. Once inside I answered him, "No Q. I don't mind thirsty. Take your sip." I must have used the same tone of voice I used on Ernest because before I knew it he grabbed me up and laid me down on top of a desk knocking over folders and boxes that were on top. The lights were off but I could see him lick his lips from the light coming from under the door. I had on a simple black body dress with bedazzled stilettos. He pulled my dress up and pulled my sheer black thong off. I laid their in disbelief. Again. I was at this guy's concert a year ago watching from the top section. This was turning out to be a wonderful testimony. He caressed my legs all the way up to my thighs and then stopped to rub my inner thighs. He takes a few seconds and then introduced his index finger to my golden gate. He then used two fingers while staring me in the eye the entire time. Bitch he was trying to connect with me. My goodness began to moisten as he removed his fingers and stuck them in his mouth to sample a taste of me. That was a first for me and I wanted to propose to him right there in that moment. Still staring at me, he lowered himself to his knees and removed the cap he was wearing. He disappeared for a second and then I feel his hands again. I feel the warmth of his face and breath on my inner thigh as he traced circles on my thighs with his tongue. Before I could let out a light moan he took his tongues and thrusted it inside of me. I immediately grabbed his plaits. He went to town on me, licking me like a never-ending lollipop. The music was loud still so I didn't have to mask my moans. It felt so good that I wanted to cry. I fought back tears because I figured if I cried it would make me look inexperienced and I wanted him to think that I was used to this. After about 10 minutes my phone began vibrating none stop. He reached for my phone and handed it to me. I notched that he had accepted the call. I couldn't hang up because it was Adrienne. She was probably looking for me. "Hello!", I said trying to hide my moans. "Yes..mmm..I'm ready...ahhh..I'm saying bye to Q...ahhhh...I'll be right there give me three minutes..mmm.", I said and hung up the phone. After I hung up..Q stood up and leaned over me. He bent down and placed his fat tongue in my mouth allowing me to taste my own honey. That made me so hot that I wanted all of him. He stood up and put his cap back on. He then pulled my panties back up and I pulled my dress down. Reaching for my hand he said "Come on, let me walk you out." I knew that probably wasn't a good idea. My face was flushed and it looked like I had been crying so I didn't want anyone to make up any stories. "I probably should go out alone. They are waiting at the end of the hall and I think we should keep this on the low. It's sexy to me.", I said. "So next time it's your turn to hit me." "I sure will mama. You taste so sweet. I'm fighting not to throw you back on the desk.", he said taking a handful of my ass in his hands. I hug him and kiss him on the cheek. I have to make him crave me and want more so I decided against another kiss on the lips and I didn't even say good bye. I looked down and saw the print in his pants. Looks like what they say is true. The slim ones be packing. I open the door and before I can open it all the way I saw Adrienne standing there as if she was about to walk in. I slip out without letting her see inside. "Did Q leave already?", she asked. "Yea I said.", putting my head down in shame. "What's wrong with you? Looks like you've been crying.", she said. "Everything was just so good tonight. And Q made me feel good. That's all.", I replied before walking away towards the exit. "If you say so hoe.", Adrienne said following behind me.

[ianb0hen]

sooooooooooo purcon3 let’s do this

so we actually got there on thursday (james blunt was on our flight in like wtf????) and waited around to check in and explored what was around the hotel food wise so then went upstairs to get ready to get ready for little mix. then we went downstairs to ask at the desk where to buy a ticket for the trams and we saw rob checking in lol we had to point out where the lifts were cos that boy was not gonna go in the right direction.

anyways little mix and the vamps were fucking lit the crowd was so loud they were v good. so we went back and slept day 1 done

day 2 we explored some more got some pretzels it was chill. it was also really warm i was like wtf this isn’t what i signed up for. and then we like queued to register which only took like an hour and got our tickets to rob’s concert. we went upstairs got changed, did rob’s concert. ngl the crowd pissed me off. like a whole bunch of people were talking over him while he spoke and while he sang it was really rude???? i didn’t get why you would pay to go and not even listen to him. but i kept accidentally making eye contact with gil while i was singing along and i got embarrassed lmao.

day 3 first thing we did was matt’s lounge which got me so nervous i wish i recorded it on my phone but i thought it would be like rogue where you kept your bags somewhere else so i didn’t think i would have been able to but oh well. so matt answered some questions and like it went silent and he like looked at me and i put my hand up to ask something and he said “oh good i was going to pick on your because you were just sat there smiling” which i know i do i just can’t help it listening to him talk about his ideas and what he has to say makes me really happy. so yeah i asked what his favourite song in moana is and he got sooooooooo happy cos i know he loves that movie and he went on about it and was telling the other people who hadn’t seen it that they had to see it. he said there might be something cool happening next season, it’s not set in stone but if it happens it’s something he thinks everyone needs right now. and that something cool is gonna happen in the first part of the comic con panel and if there’s a livestream people should watch it. he asked who had travelled to be here and we said we were from england and he was like “where?” and we were like south west and he was like “but where?” and we were like bristol and he was like “but where?” and we were like farmer country and he talked about how he wants to move out of la eventually and go to oregon and set up a farm and be completely self sufficient food-wise and how he’s planted stuff in his garden and he really wants macklin to be surrounded by nature i thought that was so interesting and cute 

so then after that there were panels and tbh i can’t really remember a lot but so photos i got two pictures with matt i got a kiss on the cheek (in which my eyes are closed and i got to retake the day after) i still got a pic of it tho and i kinda prefer it but i didn’t like the print out of it i just like the photo of the print so probably still a good move and then i wanted a full body hug without my face in it and i had to show him a pic on my phone and my hands were shaking so much when i tried to open it he was like ‘you’re okay it’s okay’. like i fr don’t know what happened to me this con cos at asylum 16 i was so chill but he made me so nervous and emotional at this one??? it was so weird. but yeah so we did that and then i did my rich and he said he liked my outfit and i was rly surprised i was like ‘OH! thank you!” and we did judging faces at the camera and i got a hug with rob because i don’t have a photo with him at all so yay. 

then we got food and then did karaoke which was LIT we were second row and gil like posed for my camera (it’s my sister’s but i was taking the pics at that point) twice and rob smiled at us and matt gave us the mic during boulevard of broken dreams like and i was looking down and when i looked up at him he was already looking at me and smiling i wish i had taken pictures but it made me freeze up. but yeah i got some great photos 

day 4 we had our r2m pictures first and we gave them sunglasses and were like “pretend you’re cool” and rich was like “pretend????? we are cool” and we were like ok dude and then we were like so you know in kings on con when you’re in the cupboard and matt’s like “rich is right you’re fuck up rob we want you gone!!” can we do that and after we took it they were like that’s so good and then i had my matt retakes and i actually bought another one with him in the morning lmao whatever i’m trash i’ve accepted it and i got one of us holding hands too because my last one rogue didn’t INCLUDE OUR HANDS IN THE PIC WYD but yeah so that was that it was then just panels for the rest of the day for me my sister had some other pics with rich and gil but i was done. the panels were odd, the questions were kinda generic and i felt like rich was lowkey done lmao and like i don’t think some of the jokes landed with the audience idk it felt like a v different atmosphere to the crowds in england. but yeah i also wish people would ask matt more questions???? i feel like he barely gets asked anything at r2m panels and it makes me kinda sad lol cos he’s actually really smart and heartfelt i wish he had the chance to speak more.

but anyways autos happened and okay i felt really emotional i wrote out a letter for matt in the queue just basically thanking him for coming to conventions and his openess with the fans and like thanking him for using his platform in the way that he does and the way he’s so positive. i told him in it that i don’t actually watch the show anymore but i come to the cons because of him mainly it was stuff i wish i could say to him but i thought it would be more articulate if i wrote it down so. i felt like i knew i was gonna cry on him so i wanted to do his auto last to kinda prepare myself more but he didn’t have a queue so we had to do him first :) so we went i had him sign my photo and like i thanked him for coming and i handed it to him and i could see my hands shake and i like felt my face crumple and i welled up and i was like “sorry” and he was like “no don’t cry” and i was like “i don’t know why i’m crying sorry” and he was like “as long as they’re happy tears yeah” and i was like yeah and thanked him again and like while we queued for gil like i still felt myself tearing up i never actually cried but like i just felt on the verge for like the whole of gil and rich’s queue lmao and i like saw him read it while we were queuing and i was like oh god no i want to take it back no and so my sister got her gil auto and then we did rich’s and he said i photograph really well and that i’m a very pretty person and omg rich is just so calming like to be around??? like matt made me feel so like emotional this weekend and rich was just like so chill and calm. so then we did rob and i had him sign my photo and we talked to him about his concert on friday then i had him write out my tattoo for me and when i said what it was he smiled and he looked idk so genuine when he looked at me and thanked me for coming so then i um and ah over getting a second matt auto mainly because i didn’t want my last interaction with him to be crying on him but then i thought i still might cry on him again if i got another so i left it and we hung about.

so then matt finishes autos and he leaves the room, he looks at me and i waved bye to him and he like stopped and came over and said “i read your letter. thank you so much for doing that for me. I will definitely keep coming back to cons for you” and he said to my sister “i don’t know if you feel the same way” and she was like “she wouldn’t let me read it” which was true lmao and he said it was so sweet and he would be coming back and my sister said about asylum and he said he should be due for the one next year and that we had to pester wayne to get him rob and rich to come and then we hugged him and that was that. i’m so happy he did that it literally made my weekend. 

then the closing ceremony happened and gil sang music of the night and i died and yeah we all sang the musical version of carry on my wayward son it was sad and made me emo that was the last episode of supernatural that i actually watched so (bar matt’s most recent one). then we went to get food and my sister had to go up and get the ice cream sandwich she ordered and all the guests turned up we were like ffs and then they ordered and said bye when we left and then we waited like 10 mins before leaving cos we didn’t wanna look like we were following them lmao.

yeah i was a great weekend, it was kinda odd cos it didn’t actually feel like it was happening while it was??? and it doesn’t actually feel like it happened as i write this??? like i’m sad that it’s over but also in a hollow way????? but also matt’s friend on twitter screenshotted my tweets and matt liked the tweet so he saw me saying mark sheppard is a shady ass which is

so yeah day 5 we explored but we couldn’t really appreciate it cos it was fucking 31 degrees and then we flew home 

i have work tomorrow i don’t want to go i just want to lie in bed and be sad about matt not being my best friend. anyways that’s everything i think i love rich i love rob and i love matt very much i hope i get to see him again next year 

[inmomni]

No. 14

It was after my youth group’s 2015 winter retreat that i got saved for like, the third time that my best friend and i had an interesting conversation about our sin.  I remember we were on a night hike with a few other of my church friends when i suddenly started to get a strong urge for a cigarette.  I hadn't had one since the start of the winter retreat, which was about two weeks ago then and a long time for me.  It brought up this kind of frustration in me.  Not because the craving was getting worse, but because i had just been saved, again.  See in my mind, if you were with Jesus, you should just want to sin because of this new found love that you have for Jesus now; so in turn, that would make you naturally hate sin, ya know? Sharing the comment with Caleb, it sparked some talk about the fallenness of man and how we innately fall away from God, you know the gist, and we went on for about an hour when pent up with frustration about how i still want sin after all that God had shown me, after knowing what He did for me, after experiencing how much He loves me, 

 I said, “I wish God could just make us love him so much right now that we would never dare to sin again.”  

And from there my difficult journey of becoming a disciple of God started.

God works independently from you.  This is something that He has been teaching and showing me in this current season of my life.  I always had this imagery that depicted how I came to faith, and how I’m being sustained now: me being dragged by a rope tied to my hand by God.  Let me explain.  Looking at my faith, my life, my experiences, etc., I feel like i missed out.  I feel as if because God made me a Christian so early on with such strong convictions that i wasn't able to really have fun in high school.  As in the sex, drugs, alcohol portion of it.  A culture that always sounded so alluring and enticing because it gives you a good status; a “cool” status or reputation, one where no one has to question who you are, just as long as your there to have fun, you're family.  But my ties to the church prevented me from fully immersing in that culture, and i really did genuinely try to be a good christian while struggling with this sense of being cheated by God.  So this lead me to do something else: just drift in and out of the two. Not like split life type of deal, but just over the course of time that has passed up since then and now, I have tried, just once, a good number of drugs, was a pretty fat stoner, and am still currently working on getting rid of nicotine.  I hardly ever read the bible regularly, prayer was on SOS duty, but still during this entire time, I was, and honestly still now,  going to church, singing my songs, and repping the name of Jesus to those who knew I went to church.  

I thought I knew what a christian should look like.  I’ve been to church all my life, so that being said, I think I have a pretty good idea of what an idealized modern day non-Jesus Christian would be like: 

- Prays for at least 30 mins a day, an hour if it didn't cry at all to “push through and seek the Lord”....Or an hour if you did cry cause, you cried and you had a moment with Jesus.   - Reads the word every day without fail, even if you don’t have time for it cause you’re too busy serving, you get it in somehow by listening to an ESV ebook bible or through your 2min New Morning Mercies. - Just exudes Jesus everywhere they go, like to the point where you feel so sinful if you're around them, but somehow they're so humble that it doesn't even cross your mind. - Raises their hands every single worship song at some point in the chorus and definitely the verses cause no one raises their hands for those - Every single conversation they have in passing turns into some life changing prophetic revelation for both parties involved           The list can go on, but because of this mismatched lifestyle of knowing what is good but not living it out, there emerged a very cyclic pattern starting since senior year of high school: 

Summer is so good, its great, restful, had a bunch of fun, ready to get back to work Fall initially is really good, meeting up with friends, keeping up with academics, motivated, I’m doing okay with God, reading here and there, not consistently, but reading at least, not doing bad things and such... then it starts to drop off around late October. I start getting less motivated, missing more classes, sleeping in more, trying to escape reality more.

Winter is super bad, just bummy lazy disgusting, right up until finals week approaches from where I jump up out of bed and turn into a study machine

This carries on past spring and then probably into summer again.  Then it repeats. 

But during these times there have been moments where God affirmed me in my spiritual growth, all in retrospect of course.

I remember a time at Chick-fil-a with Caleb after serving at VBS where one of these moments happened. We had just finished up a day where the theme was the good news.  For some context, we started the day with a staff meeting where the pastor told us about the theme, what kind of message she will be sharing, the weight of this day and the significance it could have on the kids. Everyone was “mmm-ing” in agreement and prayer was loud so you know people were passionate, but i wasn't really in the mood.  I really wasn’t in a good place in my faith, then again when have i ever been, and i just said yes to a pastor that said they were understaffed.  So I brought along Caleb, who was walking with the Lord at the time.  But prayer was only 3 minutes long because the meeting started too late.  So everything started getting pushed back a little bit.  Stations were shorter, and the station leaders were rushing things to pass the group to the next station to the point where by the end, all the crew leaders were a little bit disoriented and tired.  So back to the scene at Chick-fil-a, after ordering food, I asked him, “Hey, what did you think about today?” He responded with a “It was kinda weird”, a prodding question to see what I’m thinking.  I started explaining how they didn't do the gospel justice, how this wasn't something that was deserving of being rushed or just gotten over with, especially if it is for these kids.  At one point, some guy paraphrased the gospel to, “uhh we sinned, Jesus died on the cross for them, and, oh shoot were out of time, can the crew leaders explain the rest on the way to the next station”

I was getting really emotional, and tears started running down my eyes at which point caleb asked me why I was crying.  I didn't understand his question, until i remembered that all the conversations we had and all the things he’s seen me do don't point to an impassioned college student upset because his church’s VBS didn't do the gospel enough justice when presenting it to 5-10 year olds.  That was when I realized God has taught me the weight of his gospel

There were other instances like this:

When i first got to Biola, and I hated it, but God told me through the song i hated the most during high school  (Christ is Enough) that though i may think that i failed because I only got into Biola, Hes bringing me to a place where I can say Christ is all I need, and he placed that desire in my heart

Placing me in Torrey so that I would have a deeper knowledge of the word and how to converse with people, and having that show up at a party half tipsy with a bunch of non-christians who were talking philosophy of a higher being and of a purpose in life

Seeing that through every cycle of highs and lows, regardless of how low that low was, I still came back to a place where God met me

This cycle continued starting senior year of high school, to hopefully not now, getting worse every single year, as in the depressed months started to bleed past their previous marks. Until last year, my junior year, when I failed 3 classes second semester. 

It had lasted til May.  

At that point i perceived myself as for what i thought i had become.  It was my junior year, and I’m a bio major.  I’m trying to become a doctor, but now I’m not even sure of that anymore.   I’m a slob, my sleeping schedule is a mess, I'm not even properly eating and what the heck is up with that, I don’t go to the gym anymore,  I’m not loving on the people that are close to me well at all I feel so selfish and twisted I feel so sinful, Holy i feel so dirty I feel so far from God, am i really a christian? I barely read the bible,  when was the last time i talked to God?  No other than a Sunday. I’ve been a Christian, or a so called christian for how long now?  Almost 8 years now? almost eight years.  Even after all these years I can't get this thing going God, I’m such a failure, I’ve tried so hard.  To be a Christian, to stay in the faith, but it’s too hard.  I don’t get it, and i don't understand it.  If i did, then i wouldn't be like this.  If i was a christian, I wouldn't be doing X, Y, and Z or i would have fixed this part of myself ages ago.  I should have had a consistent routine with God by now, talking with him, I should be the ideal christian by now.  IF I had truly been a christian up til now, holy, I’ve lived 21 years exposed to the gospel, and I don’t know how to do this thing.  I should just give up, I need to leave, 

But where would I go? 

Ecclesiastes puts it so well (I love this book) when it says that EVERYTHING is meaningless.  If you really think about it, there is no point to life. To pass on your genes? To have the most toys at the end of your life? To be a powerful change in society to those who are equally as insignificant and pointless as you are? as if your possible change will bring about anything more than which is your mere humanity, which is what, simplified by science, nothing more than a generation 10000 monkey all within a world that is dying and rotting each day that passes.  

So it’s either God, or death.  

Well, I don’t want to die... Yeah I really don’t want to die, so then how do I do this

HOW can I do this?  I’ve failed so many times I could probably map out and predict up until when I’ll be depressed, what I’ll be doing during that time

God, I don’t know what to do. That’s when it became clear to me.  If you've noticed by now, I’ve used the word “I” so many times up til this point.  God just started highlighting all of the I’s I used, and he started replacing them with His name.  and it all started to click.  Maybe the reason I failed all these times was to bring me to a place where I could say, with my heart inside out, “God help me please, I don't know what to do.”  I tried to do things my own way for 3 almost 4 years now and i failed every single time, maybe its time to look towards God and not myself.   God reminded me of a passage in Numbers 21:6-9 where it talks about God sending fiery serpents to the people of Israel.  These snakes were sent to kill people with their venom because of their sin and rebellion, and the passage says that many died from these snakes.  So the people cried out to Moses, and Moses to God, who instructed Moses to erect a bronze serpent in the middle of camp (on a standard) so that if any man looks on the serpent, that even if they get bit, they will live.  Now, a thing about snakes, they're not that tall, so the area that they'll probably bite you, if you're not laying down in snake infested areas, around your feet, legs, ankles, all areas that you have too look down to see.  So you’re here, dodging snakes on the ground for dear life, when Moses comes around and says to look up at this serpent so that you'll be saved.  I’m guessing that this bronze snake was up on a tall pole or structure so that not just people in the vicinity would see it, but people all over camp, which meant that if you wanted to look at the bronze snake, you'd have to take your eyes completely off the ground.  So you're surrendering your own ability to do the best you can to defend yourself from these serpents risking death, or to look up at a bronze statue of a serpent to live.  And get this, the bible doesn't even say healed, just “will live”, meaning to me that it probably still hurt like hell when they got bit, but they lived, which they wouldn't if they tried to do it on their own.  Our protocol is just to look at Him, nothing else, not to look good in front of him, not to hide your sins, not to say this or that, but to look at God like a child and say “help please”.  

Now

How do you do that.  

🤷🏻‍♂️

I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m trying to read more.  Pray more, I don’t know what it looks like to do what I said just now, or what that actually looks like.  But regardless of what I know, or what I understand, God is doing things behind the scenes for my good.  That there is no other reason, there can't be any other explanation than the grace that God gives me and sustains me with.  In this most darkest season of my life, I have never understood more clearly what it means to work out your faith with fear and trembling, to know that I am a christian despite all my crap, that despite how hard I may want to leave, not even I can pluck myself out of Gods hand, because of the way He’s been teaching and shaping my heart. Grace prepares the heart for salvation, it is grace that one receives salvation, and it is through grace that salvation is sustained and sanctification is occurring.  I don’t know how I got here and how to get to where I need to be, but I just know that God’s got this.  

So I’m just going to take that and run.

[exo-yeol]

Ask Game!

I was tagged by the beautiful @baekscrazylady cause she knows just how bored I truly am! Also! Fun fact! I was half way through this and my laptop crashed so that was fun!:))))))))))))))))))))

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

Closed! 

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

Nope! ...I do have one on each hand but I don’t think that counts! :P 

(3) Can You Whistle?

Yes! In and out! (oml that sounds so weird!)

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Super Junior D&E - I Love It!

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

PINK! I FREAKING LOVE PINK!

(6) Relationship Status.

Sexy, Free and Single! I’m ready to bingo! ;P ....jk bout the bingo part!

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

18° C

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Yes! I was woken up at an ungodly hour by by little brother. Not. Fun.

(9) How Many Followers?

I have no clue! I never think of checking that for tumblr! But really not that many! 

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Scorpio!

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Blue!

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

Oh god, too many! 

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

YES! What is that point in showering if you don’t make use of the amazing acoustics?? 

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

Uhhmm again, too many! The most recent one I read some of was Carrie Hope Fletcher’s The Other Side

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

You Can Heal Your Life - Louise L. Hay “you are developing insight and understanding that will set you free.”

(16) Favourite Anime?

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!! Brotherhood or the original anime idagf! They are both SO GOOD! And the characters are my everything! I would die for them! Can I marry Ed? Can I marry Mustang? Can I be best friends with Winry?? Can I do alchemy pls? And the storyline is so interesting and complex and the characters are really well rounded and the back stories oomf I fucking love it soooo much! I’m gonna copy @baekscrazylady and put in a gif here because I miss looking at their faces! 

AAAAH! How fucking COOL is Ed? I love them so much!

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

Does myself count? Yesterday I cried in front of the mirror! But if it has to be another person then my mother! 

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Teddies, Tamagotchis, Kpop albums/merch, books, EMOTIONAL WOUNDS! 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

Chicken Caesar Salad Wrap!

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

Uhm I guess? Its not something I get a chance to do often but if the opportunity presents itself then sure! But also I hate being a distraction to the driver so like keep it on the minimum peeps!

(21) Favourite Animal?

WOLVES AND FOXES AND CANINES IN GENERAL! My room and house in general is covered in some variation of canine! Including two living ones (soon to be three!) 

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

Yas! Track, Badminton, Trampolining and Diving are my faves!

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

Lately somewhere between 11 and 12! 

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

Yes! I’m wearing bright pink eyeshadow and bright pink lipstick!

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

I don’t really have a preference cause I can’t really swim, but I like to mess around and play in both! 

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

@baekscrazylady is always a winner for all your multifandom needs! Plus shes my bestie! But thats just a bonus :P 

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

Bottled tastes nicer but I have no problems drinking from the tap! 

(28) What Makes You Happy?

I’m not sure any more! :/

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

I’m sleepy! I think I’m gonna finish this in the morning! 

...

Okay! I’m back after 7 hours of sleep! 

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

Without!

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs! I’m not too fond of cats and I think my dogs would have a problem if I brought one home!

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

PINK!

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

PlayStation! I’ve spent a lifetime playing Crash Bandicoot on the PS1 and my loyalties run deep!

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

The Ocean! I just feel like theres bound to be monsters in a lake!

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

Of course! <3

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

Yellow! But last night when I started this I was wearing a green vest!

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

I surely can!

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

Both!

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Plenty! Teddies, books, a suitcase, kpop albums, my bedsheet is pink!

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

Well K-pop is an ongoing obsession! But recently something specific I’ve been OBSESSED with is Seungri’s 123! THIS IS THE BEST SONG! I have to listen to it everyday or I can’t function! Its soooo good! And the MV is really fun and theres cute lil bloopers at the end! I love it!! 

Hehe! Look at him go!! 

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

Yes! My brother actually attracts them! They land on him all the time! Its kinda cute kinda freaky!

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

I think it depends on the person and the thing I’m being influenced about, but I’m quite a stubborn/headstrong person so I would say that I lean more towards no...but still a lil bit yes!

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Uhm yes, a lot! 

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

I’m not scared of flying and I don’t mind it, but its not my favourite thing!

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

The Green Mile, this movie broke me and now I actually cannot watch sad movies...also two days ago I cried at The Breakup so woo go me for being a mess!

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds! I could eat a whole bag!

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

EXO! In all their OT9 glory!!! I need this to happen so that I can die happy! ...I would say BTS as well since they’re my ults too but I ALREADY HAVE TICKETS TO SEE THEM!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!! MY ARMY HEART IS DYING! 

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

Not really! I have a list of stuff I don’t eat but I’ll eat it if its put in front of me cause I have to set a good example for my little brothers!

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

I sleep like a corpse.

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Nope! I love it! My whole family are those freaks who’ll stupidly run to the window or outside and be like “waaaahhh!”

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

Yes! I do both everyday! 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!! MY MUSIC IS TOO LOUD!!

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents! Bitch I’m a PRO! 

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Hyuna - Run & Run (MY QUEEN!)

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Autumn months wise, but we’re still getting Summer weather!

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

More sleep!

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

Nah...not arsed, but the post I last saw was a gifset of Mark and JB being stoopid!

(58) What Is Your Gender?

Female

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

Tea! 

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

No! Its the Summer holidays! 

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Mainly straight, but aren’t we all a little gay? I’m about 70/30! Or maybe even 60/40!

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

Most days, but my bed is really annoying to make and takes a good ten mins so sometimes I don’t do it till like 5 o’clock in the day when I want to sit on it!

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Eevee! Ninetails! All water Pokemon! Pikachu! Togapee! 

(64) Favourite Social Media?

I don’t know! I get bored of them quickly and hop around! RN I’d say instagram maybe?

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

I love watching them!

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

Yep! I think everyone does a little or at times! But I’ve never been like actual homesick where you get sick and everything!

(67) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Tea-tree shampoo and a conditioner thats specifically for curly hair but I can’t remember the name! 

(68) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Motel! I know that they’re haunted and I’m gonna be stabbed in the shower but listen, I am not sleeping in a fricking car, ESPECIALLY not on my own!!

(69) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yes, unfortunately! ,,,jk about the unfortunately...or am I? :P 

(70)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

I’m going to see the Teen Titans Movie! CAN’T WAIT!! I watched the show all the time when I was a kid! Also I really want to see Wreck-It Ralph 2 and so many others!

(71) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

I don’t have a favourite quote atm! Sorry!

(72) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

People? Find? Specific? Eye? Colours? Sexy?

(73) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

YEs and YEs! I would be that kid swinging far too high and then jumping off! Me and my friend used to challenge each other to do specific poses and stuff while we were jumping off or when we’d land!

(74) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

A chicken goujon!

(75) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

I have one rhythm game, and a few language games!  

(76) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

I don’t think so because I’m not that confident in my CPR giving skills so I’d probably ask someone else to help! But if worst comes to worst then I probably would!

(77) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

Today? No! In my life? Yes!

(78) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

All the time!

(79) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yes! 

(80) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

Every now and then! But I just woke up so I haven’t put any on today!

(81) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Closed! But if I’m sharing with my brothers then I can sleep with them open! 

(82) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

I peed, I reset my password on a website and I’ve listened to Seungri’s 123!

(83) What Do You Wear To Bed?

Big tshirts or night dresses! And in the Winter I wear matching pjs!

(84) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

Like including makeup? Or just skincare? I use too much makeup to list! And for skincare everything I use has some sort of coconut oil in it!

(85) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Both!

(86) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

Nah!

(87) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

Hmmmmmmmmm which to choose! I recently had a dream about 2 weeks ago where I was in a bar and Chanyeol and Sehun were having a dance off while I was singing karaoke and I kept getting angry at them for distracting me! And Seungcheol, who was my boyfriend in this particular dream universe, was chasing his manager around with a pair of false eyelashes trying to put them on him!  

(88) Favourite Soda Drink?

Mainstream: Nothing better than an ice cold coke! Don’t @ me! 

Hippie dippy: Elderflower!

(89) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

Rain, my Gran calling my name, chuckling, little children/babies laughing, my Grandpa singing, Chanyeol singing, waves ( i always fall asleep to waves!), idk so many others its too early and my brain is mush rn!

(90) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats

I wear both quite equally!

(91) How Do You Look Right Now?

I just woke up and I have mascara under my eyes, honestly I think I still look asleep!

(92) Name Something That Relaxes You.

Washing my face! I feel so calm and pampered! Its the simple things :P

(93) What Tattoo Do You Want?

TOO MANY!!! I want a Golden Snitch, and a fairy and a flower and so many! I can’t wait to start getting tattooed!

(94) Favourite YouTuber?

Rn Shane Dawson is my number one, but I do love Jenna Marbles, Dan and Phil, Safiya Nygaard, Grav3yardgirl, Jamie Jo and then a hand full of beauty gurus that I semi-keep up with!

(95) Do you smoke?

No. Its really gross and reminds me of my Dad. No thank you.

(96) How tall are you?

5′ 2″!! Or maybe 5′ 3″! I’m 160cm! 

(97) What career did you want as a child

A singer! I still lowkey do! But thats a very squashed dream at this point! I also wanted to be an actress! Honestly I just wanted to make people happy and entertain them! And when I was a child I was always the center of attention because my mam had me when she was waaay young and no one else her age had a child so I guess from an early age I’ve just loved watching people laugh or be happy because of me! Thats probably why I’m attracted to film and have a YouTube channel cause I want people to have fun while enjoying the things that I create or am a part of! I hope this doesn’t sound conceited oml! 

(98) Do you care about your weight?

Yes! But I don’t know what I weigh tho cause my mam doesn’t believe in weighing scales, and shes right! But I am conscious of my weight! ...most times I’m self conscious of it lol! 

(99) Ever kissed a stranger?

Yes! Many a time! 

(100) Favorite season?

I don’t think I have a favourite season! Now that I’m older I can appreciate each season as it comes and I have certain things that I love about each! Rn I can’t wait to start wearing cute sweaters and boots again, but at the end of Spring I was dying for shorts and vests! 

Woo! I’m finished! Now I’m going back to sleep for a quick nap! And then off to the cinema! YAY!