#the way i spent several days sorting the songs lol

[sandsorghum]

Nic, I come to ask…

What are your head canons regarding Higuruma’s music taste? 👀

omg chibi hiromi destressing with his lil juice box, how can any creature be so cute and sad at once - ahem

I think music is a conduit for Higuruma that lets him feel rather than directly express many emotions (as it is for so many) - in his specific case it's not because he's unable to articulate them per se, but his relationship to music is that it creates/curates a space where he allows himself to experience the depth and magnitude of feelings he normally doesn't. He doesn't get into impassioned monologues about his favourite artists but can easily (if you'll let him) talk at length about band lore and the evolution of their sound, his preferences for certain eras, the story behind the album art etc, peak geekery that way. The sort of thing that's borderline annoying if it weren't also so endearing and unexpectedly charming.

Higuruma was born in the early 80s (?) so a kid that grew up when cassette tapes were phasing out into walkmans; still very much an analog period, listening to the radio or hanging out at record stores would've been the way he'd discover new music. There's particular prerequisites to that process; one's actual physical presence and committed attention to (hopefully) well organised catalogues in the shops, so just because of that, as a teen he'd have been hemmed in to listening to the genres he already gravitated to. It would diversify quite a bit once streaming became more mainstream with the internet in the early 2000s, when he would have been in his mid20s.

Genre-wise Higu's heavy rotations would be

In his early to late teens: Grunge, alt+prog rock, punk, smattering of garage rock

Early to mid 20s: post-punk, jap hiphop, jazz rap, bit of electronica

Late 20s to 30s: indie rock, modal jazz, RNB, eclectic oldies

I've assembled some playlists but I don't necessarily think of all the artists or music here as his mainstays but more the type of sound and lyrics he'd like, based on his age and mood (some of them wouldn't fit chronologically anyway hahah). I assume he'd have mainly listened to the japanese equivalents of the more internationally recognisable bands in these compilations. Higu would also have had western influences but mostly during his college years!

Anyway here's what he listens to when

He wants to regress to his youth

He's having struggles/nostalgia for his ideals

He's commuting after a long day

He's making dinner for/with a lover

Thanks for the fun ask @tsukimefuku! (I'm sorry it became so longwinded but Im insane about this man)

[sensorydephrivation]

okay it’s been a few days and I think I have cooled down enough to make a post about my experience at tit! The actual review is still forthcoming mostly because I have too much to do and can’t really justify spending time on it rn but it’ll be done at some point. Gonna put the rest of this under a cut for length, there aren’t any spoilers or anything.

First thing, obviously I had a ton of fun! The show was incredible and it was equally incredible to get to meet other phannies irl and everyone who talks about the community at tit is 100% right, it really is a feeling I’ve had nowhere else. It doesn’t really surprise me that “people from an almost identical demographic group with a very specific common interest” is an audience that would make someone feel safe lol, but I do think there is something about phannies that makes this event so special and magical in a kind of hard to articulate way.

When I first got to the venue, I completely by coincidence ran into @fromemotoangel @lizardsmp3 and @laddersmp3 in the line which was very exciting and I felt like I was meeting celebrities lol. You guys were super great and I loved getting to hang out with you! We traded bracelets and chatted until we got inside the venue.

Once I got in I was like, immediately overwhelmed. I had planned on getting in the merch line right away because I was worried the photocards would sell out, but the person scanning tickets told me which direction my seat was and I just immediately headed that way. Honestly I kinda felt like everyone else there knew what they were doing and I didn’t, which obviously wasn’t true, but the fact that everyone I ended up talking to that night had been to other shows while this was my only one didn’t really help. Just as we got inside, the pre show started (after apparently a long delay), and I was surprised to hear dnp’s voices through the walls. Honestly it was like a siren song drawing me to the balcony where there were no doors and I could sort of hear the pre show. It wasn’t until I saw the merch line going all the way up the stairs that I remembered I had meant to be getting merch, lol.

Photocards were far from sold out thankfully and I ended up in a big trading circle with everyone which was super fun! While I was in line I also met @yonpote who gave me a cute drawing and a VIP bracelet. I wish we had gotten to talk more, you’re super cool!

Final photocards after several rounds of trading:

Then my friend and I found our seats for the show. I was worried we’d have a terrible view because we were in the balcony but I could pretty much see everything. There were some parts of the show that would’ve been a way better experience in orchestra but it was still plenty enjoyable from anywhere. The one disappointment was that we were too far away to scan the QR code that was onstage before the show so I couldn’t participate in that bit.

At intermission I just kinda went to the bathroom and had a drink and didn’t talk to anyone lol. I was really having fun but also super overstimulated by everything so I needed a few minutes of quiet.

After the show I hung out with @fromemotoangel and @yonpote a little bit more as well as some of their friends and got rid of my remaining bracelets! I kinda wish I had gone to stage door but it was okay, I did get to see the phour phus before the show lol. And that’s about it!

Final bracelets (some of these are mine lol):

I felt kinda wild on the way home like I couldn’t turn my filter back on after being with people who made me feel like I didn’t have to filter myself, which I think is a testament to just how comfortable I felt at the show. It was a really wonderful time and I wish I had the chance to do it again. Thanks so much yet again to everyone who spent time with me there, you guys are all such fun and wonderful people!

[carma-tjol]

Miscellaneous OPM Characters as Lady Gaga Songs

please read this oh my god I spent so much time... there's some meta scattered in there I promise.

Fubuki

Telephone

Bloody Mary

Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)

Telephone - because I watched an Instagram edit that used it and now I have it permanently associated with her. Fubuki has a fun and glamourous aesthetic and I feel like the song reflects that too Bloody Mary - because of the "I wont crucify the things you do" line. it reminds me of all the people she knows that are like. highly problematic but she's irremovably tied into their lives and ultimately accepts them. Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) - there are relationships she's had that fell tragically because of, while among other things, her own personal flaws and ego. It's tragic, but she really wasn't equipped to handle everything thrown at her at the time. there really is "nothing else [she] can say" anymore. Imagining her with this song puts a lighthearted twist on the woe of it.

Psykos

Summerboy

So Happy I Could Die

Teeth

MANiCURE

Summerboy - I like to imagine it as Psykos having the summerboy's POV. Feeling disposable and like she got played by Fubuki, she is left to sort of sourly reminisce on what could've been. So Happy I Could Die - for that INTENSE SAPPHIC ANGST. Also I like the concept of like. attempting to use sexuality to cope with severe internal turmoil. I love this song sooo much. Teeth - vibes I guess MANiCURE - "SHE WANNA BE MAN CURED!" so basically more sapphic stuff but campier and less gut wrenching this time lol.

Genos

(... god I initially struggled finding stuff for him HARD but ended up with 4 things. what.)

Replay

I Like It Rough

Shallow

Paparazzi (bonus)

Replay - Lady Gaga is talking about trauma and PTSD taking over and effecting every part of her life, which I feel like is relevant. "Every single day, yeah I dig a grave Then I sit inside it wondering if I'll behave" I Like It Rough - I've always interpreted this song as only ever experiencing harshness from people, not knowing how process kindness, and struggling to decipher sincerity. Which I feel like, removed from all the sex stuff, fits Genos pretty well thematically. Shallow - I don't really mean this in a ship way here (to be honest, one sided genos pining is my ideal! But that's not relevant here) but I can think of this song with Genos and Saitama's relationship and how at its core, One Punch Man revolves around them. They represent the central themes of companionship and how humanity is based on relationships with others. They try to "fill that void" with each other and Genos looks at Saitama worried, when will it be enough? (When will HE be enough?) Also I enjoy listening to songs where there is some form of disappearance or death and imagining the MA arc. I did that a tonnn with Sweet Talking Woman by ELO a while back, something about mixing the love song about chasing someone with the tragedy of the MA arc and how Genos became unattainable really clicked for me. (Fun fact, I had 182 listens for that song on my Spotify wrapped... pretty much all thinking of Genos) I'm supposed to be talking about Lady Gaga though oops. "Crash through the surface, where they cant hurt us We're far from the shallow now." They've experienced the same alienation, whether inflicted or self imposed and were able to drag each other out of it. Perhaps there's comfort in the similarity. Paparazzi (bonus lol) - If you enjoy leaning into Genos's weird obsession, this is the song for you! He's a little neurotic...

Flashy Flash and Sonic

I'm giving them the same song

Speechless

Speechless "In your tight jeans With your long hair and your cigarette stained lies Could we fix you if you broke? And is your punch line just a joke?" I connect it by thinking about how much weight their relationship held in their lives. Each of their dreams had the other in it. And I think that losing that was a bit worldshattering. "Would you give it all up If I promise, boy, to you?" Eyyyy we were left on a bit of a cliffhanger right? Flash was trying to ask sonic something but got cut off by the other ninjas. "We could-" we could what, Flash? we. could. what. (Team up again? Please I'm literally on my hands and knees begging, yet I know it's never that easy with OPM)

Amai Mask

Beautiful, Dirty Rich

The Fame

Beautiful, Dirty Rich - It's about fame! Living the high life! He's like a major celebrity and a diva so I think it works. Just ignore the bit where it says "but we've got no money" because he definitely has money. The Fame - similar thought process

Webigaza

Applause

Applause - She "lives for the applause!" The fame itself is empty without her fans.

Do-S (aka BONUS! other songs I like but had zero use for)

Love Game

Money Honey

Bad Romance

Poker Face

Government Hooker

Judas

not sexual enough for Do-S but I really like Americano too.

okay I'm done with these now I'm literally going insane

[superfluouskeys]

🧠🏅🖊

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

I have the vaguest beginnings of an idea for a fic based on the show For All Mankind because Margo Madison is one of THE characters, but currently it's just vibes and like three lines long so I'd say that counds LOL

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc)?

Ohhhhh I get like maniacally excited when I think of something that makes all the Pieces Fit Together LOL, so like--not the most recent chapter of scorched earth (which is a kind-of sequel to an unreasonably long fic from many years ago), but the chapter before that, I was like crawling up the walls of my room with how excited I was about how well my plot pieces both in this and some stuff I drew on from the previous fic fit together I was absolutely ecstatic LOL. I think that counts as pride in an insane way LOL it's like wow I am a genius actually *ten seconds later she can't figure out how to write one (1) sentence correctly*

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP

I had to go on a bit of a deep dive LOL because I couldn't remember what I had already shared from my wips and I don't have that much time to write these days so usually it's either *insanely writes the whole thing in one sitting* or *remains a wip for several years* lol, so please have this snippet from an extremely sane fan fiction about Horizon Zero Dawn/Horizon Forbidden West, and please know that because most of the fic is currently in the form of messy lowercase vibes, microsoft word has seen fit to correct Tilda's name to tilde approximately 99% of the time.

--

In the end, Tilda wants to endure in spite of everything else.  She’d happily take that genetic modification tech Far Zenith is cooking up and live for a thousand years while everything withers and dies around her.  Elisabet doesn’t want to live that way.  Losing and losing and losing.  She’s lsot enough.

Tilda would have viewed her choice as some sort of noble, heroic self-sacrifice.  It’s not.  It is profoundly selfish.

Elisabet has spent the last few years facing an impossible problem.  Fielding every complication, overcoming every obstacle.  She barely remembers who she was before this all started—what she did, what she liked.  She did do things, right?  She did like things?

Now, if she solves this one final, fatal problem…she gets to be done.

In her final moments she’s afraid.  She doesn’t want to die.  But then again, haven’t they all been living on borrowed time since Zero Day?  What was the point of it all?  Isn’t it better to just die along with the world?  Rather than waiting around in the wake of its utter devastation?  Waiting around in the barren wasteland where the world used to be?

She wishes Tilda were here.

What was that old song she liked?

goodbye, little yellow bird, I’d rather brave the cold on a leafless tree than a prisoner be in a cage of gold.

[ruyalarincadisi]

*strolls up several days late to your post about time passing in Milgram* okay, so I believe the birthdays are just a fun-for-fans sort of thing, and that events are happening fairly quickly compared to real time! No one is aging, because if they did it's disrupt a lot of the character Vibes they're going for (aka Amane would be like 18 and Haruka would be 23 and no longer fit the 'innocent child' thing, Mahiru would be 30 and no longer fit the 'young love' trope, even Es would be around 20). Also, some of the injuries the prisoners got during the trial hiatus would have definitely healed already -- Mahiru's arm (broken sometime before last August) should have been healed by November, and there's no way she'd sound that weak for her interrogation end of this May.

Sorry if that disrupts your Haruka theory, though ;--; it sounds really interesting and I'd love to hear more about it!!

hiii beans, thank you for answering it!!! has it been that long?? i thought only 2 years have passed :o but even if that was so, the injuries would heal in 2 years so you must be right either way! it makes more sense! it'll be long so i'll just put this here

regarding the time passing, we were trying to notice differences in character art to see if their hair grew longer with my friend and iirc it was only mahiru's and amane's (?) hair that looked different or longer in some way, excluding the style differences. amane's bangs and mahiru's hair completely! (bonus: the ahoge like thing haruka has ahaha) although it's a little funny to imagine all of them except mappi and amane getting haircuts regularly (from jackalope?!), it seems unlikely so it was probably a drawing mistake in mappi's and it looks that way for amane because her hair is messy...? hypomania can last just several days, google is saying 4 days is the criteria, it can still be true as long as haruka's changes didn't all happen in one day, i guess! we at least know it's not 1 day, right? lol i think they were saying mikoto is being weird at "nights", they must have spent some time there, correct me if i'm wrong!

though some stuff i said in that post could be explained with how comfortable he got there because he was accepted by es and mu, so this is mostly me giving my mental illness to my favorite character (i can't even call it a theory just a hc!!) but but!! especially when es asks if he's a different person because that's how it feels for other people when people around them experience mania or hypomania and it usually doesn't suddenly feel like someone changed their whole personality when they get more comfortable with you, you know? he clearly shows depressive symptoms too but i guess no one is doubting that one :') also the impulsiveness! he says he doesn't want to die both in his song and those questions in twitter, then he says he'll kill himself because he doesn't really think about what he's saying. i actually planned to shut up about this until i saw everything about him. i hate being wrong /lh but i couldn't because twitter is dead to me and my friends are usually busy and i get bored if i don't talk about my hyperfixations enough. and i'm getting so comfortable here lately... ANYWAY until we get new info contradicting this i'll be saying haruka is bipolar but again, i'm not assuming the writer did it intentionally so it's more of a self indulgent hc than a theory :33 EDIT: WAIT I JUST LOOKED AT AMANE'S DOOR PIC AGAIN? HER BANGS ACTUALLY GOT LONGER??? DID JACKALOPE REALLY CUT THEIR HAIR, HELP??

[mymistymornings]

Went to Denmark for 3 weeks so this took a bit!

Tagged by: @justlikethefish, thank you! This was pretty fun (also enjoy learning new Murder by Death songs :D )

Last song: The last song I listened to was Queen's "Who Wants to Live Forever". I have been thinking about getting back into FFXIV, and who I want to play, and listening to Faust's playlist. This one wasn't actually on there, but I like to imagine an emotional music video between her and @oh-take-this-longing set to it :D )

Favorite color: For many years, I would have said grey. The grey of an early morning cloudy sky over the ocean, with slightly different shades and hues, but all grey. I still really like that, but I also really enjoy Prussian Blue and deep dark Forest Green. I was really resistant towards green for a long time, but I have entered my forest witch era.

Last movie: Mona Lisa Smile. I'm honestly kind of surprised I hadn't watched it before. It's been on my list pretty much since it came out. It's interesting though, because my husband said he had never heard about it, but I remember it quite well from when it came out. A good example I think that stuff made "for guys" are often marketed to everyone, but stuff made "for women" are only marketed to women, or at least were at the time. I quite enjoyed it. There were some things that I don't think aged super well. It somehow felt incredibly queer, but like through a "look at them being gal pal" lens lol.

Sweet/spicy/savory: I have a big sweet tooth, but it REALLY depends on the sweet. There are a lot of things in America especially that are sweet in a way I really don't enjoy. Most cake for instance. Fondant.

But I find I usually need a mix of sweet and salty to break it up a bit.

I also really enjoy savory, and can definitely appreciate some spice, though I'm not particularly "hardy" with it.

Relationship status: Married, and just about to celebrate our 13th anniversary in a few days!

Last thing I googled: "Good thrift stores near me"

Current obsession: Working on a writing project sort of... Which is something I've been doing on and off for 15 years, with various projects and zero success, but this time, I actually spent some time creating a plot outline, and it's going better?

Tags: I have sort of been away from Tumblr and I know it's been doing rounds, but since several of them are like "recent" stuff, I think it never hurts to tag again! @slightlytilla, @vetinarivisuals, @luck-and-larceny, @unabashedrebel, @tea-and-conspiracy, @wolfhollow, or anyone wants to!

Nine people I'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @meghawhopp <33

Last song: Down by the River by Borislav Slavov from the Baldur’s Gate 3 Soundtrack (or more specifically the cover of Down by the River by Nerissa Ravencroft)

Favorite color: Blue and purple!

Last movie/TV show: Seinfeld, I’m currently on season four!

Sweet/spicy/savory?: I have a huge sweet tooth, so sweet things

Relationship status: Single

Last thing I googled: I searched up the show “Arthur” because I was trying to find that one meme where Buster was like “You really think someone would do that, just go on the internet and spread lies?”

Current obsession: Fragaria memories and tears of themis mostly^^

Tag Nine People: @kyaruun @xinieeee @deadmansbistro @florapot @hunita812 @scuffle-with-spirals @rexonalapis @maxellera @manicpixiedoomedgirl

[starlostastronaut]

DAY 06 | STORIES TO BE TOLD

PAIRING: han jisung x reader

GENRE: idol au (jisung is a soloist), not angst, but bittersweet?, ambiguous ending

WC: 1.14k

CW: idol trainee!reader, implied felix/reader

PROMPT: coming back after years apart

here it isss! to the person who asked for no angst... well guess what lol (pls dont kill me ilyy). i remember having a great idea for this when i wrote the masterlist so naturally i forgot it 😭 but i have this instead. tbh i think i spent more time on backstory than the actualy story but oh well. and yes, i did put felix/reader in the story, but you can read it as past relationship if you want ;) enjoy <3

title from laughter lines - bastille

general masterlist here

<< previous | mctc masterlist | next >>

Jisung looked out of the window again. His head was bobbing to the rhythm of the song playing through his headphones, and he watched the landscapes and cities pass by as the train made its way back to Seoul. He looked at his phone to check the time again. Exactly three minutes went by since he last checked. With a frustrated groan, he sank into his seat. The train was too slow, and Jisung was starting to regret deciding to ride it in the first place. He was visiting some of his friends down in Busan while also filming a music video, and against his better judgment, he decided to take the train back. He hoped he would have lesser chances of getting recognized, since no one would expect an idol on a train of all places. So there he was, tormented to several hours on a train. Normally, he wouldn't really mind, though. He had his beanie, headphones, and mask on, looking unrecognizable even with his manager sitting opposite him. He had his peace and quiet. Normally, he would be happy to relax on the train, but not today. Today he was seeing you and that made him extremely restless and giddy with excitement.

You and Jisung went way back. You were trainees at the same company, which is how you met. Your first conversation was a fight over the last piece of cheesecake at the company café. Having agreed to share it, you began talking, and ever since then, you became inseparable. You and Jisung would wait for each other after vocal lessons, he would give you pointers on your rapping, and in return you helped him with the JYPE basic dance routine. You had this symbiotic relationship that worked really well between you. Until Jisung's debut date approached. He would spend more time in the studio, going over his performance over and over again. You saw him less and less. And then he debuted, and you haven't seen him at all for a month because the public immediately fell in love with him, and as the new sensation, he was pushed from one music show to another. But he promised you that when you debuted as well and the initial whirlwind of chaos calmed down, it would go back to how it was. Except none of you thought of the fact that just a few weeks before your group was set to debut, you had been kicked off. The company never gave you a good enough reason, just some talk about “not fitting the group's vibe and concept” . You took it hard - harder than anyone expected. With your dreams being crushed, you packed all your things and moved to Australia. Jisung would never find out if it weren’t for another trainee named Chris, who helped you sort everything out. You didn’t even get to say goodbye. Not that you didn't want to, but Jisung and his success was just another painful reminder of the fact that you failed, and you didn't need that at that time.

In Australia, your life has gone pretty well. You applied to college, got your first boyfriend - a very sweet guy named Felix -  and slowly healed from your failure back in Korea. Meanwhile, Jisung was busy with his idol career. You watched him thrive via social media once the pain eased a little. You even bought some of the albums. Felix convinced you to get tickets for Jisung's concert last year, but you never told anyone you went there. You did it mostly for your boyfriend anyway, who, as it turned out, was Jisung's fan. He almost lost his mind when he found out you and Jisung used to be best friends. But despite all of that, you never tried to contact Jisung, not even when he was in Sydney for his first tour. You were too scared of his reaction. After alll, you ran away without a proper goodbye. And Jisung never made contact either anyway, so you took it as a sign of your friendship truly being over.

Which eventually brought Jisung here, three years after he spoke to you for the last time. While he was in Busan, Chris messaged him to tell him that you were visiting Seoul in the next few days. Jisung spent a lot of time thinking about why Chris told him that. At first, he felt bitter and jealous, because clearly you've kept in contact with Chris but not him. His second thought was that he had to message you because he hadn't seen you in forever. His third thought was fear, because if you hadn't tried to contact him all this time, why would you want to see him now? But after two phone calls with Chris, he somehow found the courage to ask for your number and send the first text. He did it right before he went to sleep, knowing that otherwise he would be checking his phone every five seconds.

You left him on read for almost the whole day, carefully weighing the pros and cons. Ultimately, you decided to agree to his offer, the longing to see your former best friend again winning over the fear. So there you were, sitting in a small café alone, the half-empty cup of coffee in front of you slowly going cold. You almost decided to give up when Jisung came stumbling through the door. Your breath hitched in your throat. He looked the same as he did back then, but older and more mature. His hair was different, too. He spotted you almost immediately, rushing to your table.

“Hi! Hi, sorry I'm late, I-” He stopped and looked at you properly. “Hi.” 

“Hi,” you replied, smiling as you watched him sit down. He still had that nervous smile and the joyous spark in his eyes. You decided to break the tension by asking the most trivial, most hated question. But in your case, it only made sense. “How have you been?”

At first, it was awkward; both of you were unsure how to act with each other. But with every new topic, the conversation flowed more easily, until it felt like old times. You told him about Australia, about your time with Felix and about your life there. He told you stories from the tour, he told you about the people he's met and about his career. By the end of the afternoon, it was as if you had never left. You realized you missed this. You missed him. Suddenly, you didn't know how you managed to go three years without talking to him. 

Jisung nervously checked his watch. “Look, I need to go in a moment, but I have the day off tomorrow?” he asked, gathering his things and taking out his wallet to pay the bill.

You smiled. “Yeah. I would like that.”

taglist: @stayconnecteed @saintriots @vivioluh @ivaneedssleep @jazziwritesthings

©starlostastronaut 2023 | do not repost/translate my work without permission

[kfae]

hiiiii, hope you’re having a good day! :3c

for the fic writer questions, how about 3, 8, 23 and 38?

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

i love writing imagery and squeezing in super poetic lines whenever possible. i’m someone that loves poetry so so much but can’t write it to save my life, so this is like the second best option lol, i’ve received a few comments mentioning that my writing style seems poetic so i guess it’s working fjsjdjsjdj

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

literally every single taylor swift song in existence /hj

okay but in all honesty you’re on your own, kid has had me in a chokehold ever since i first heard it. i wanna write a fic based around it so badly, and i even have an outline all planned out, but i haven’t been able to write it for some reason. the way the song has a consistent plot line throughout but is vague enough in its lyrics to interpret in several different ways,,,, it took me way too long to figure out what (i think??) they’re actually about, and i’m still seeing new and different theories on what the lyrics mean. it super angsty throughout but also ends on a sort of bittersweet/hopeful note which i’m obsessed with in fics. like, i’m emotionally devastated and traumatized and alone but things will be okay again maybe. best genre to write/read about 10/10 would recommend.

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

soulmate au!!!!!! they are Very sappy and Very cheesy half the time but i absolutely love reading them. a close second would have to be a hanahaki au, very opposite in tone but just as fun to read

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

one fic that ended up doing so much better than i initially thought was you kept me like a secret (i kept you like an oath), it was a song fic i wrote immediately succeeding the release of red (taylor’s version) and i spent around three days straight writing nonstop. the stats weren’t all that great in the first few days, and i’m pretty sure it’s because a taylor swift-centric fic is a very specific and niche genre, but it ended up growing continuously throughout the year and now it’s my second most popular public fic. i’ve even gotten a few comments/messages from people saying they started listening to taylor swift because of it. i look back at the writing and cringe now though rip

ask game

[hermannsthumb]

As per our convo, Newt getting set up with Hermann via Hermann’s father’s binder full of pre-approved suitors for his son...

(from @k-sci-janitor 👀) easily one of our funniest concepts yet. I was going to end on newt coming over for dinner scenario but I like the ominous open ending. I'm not actually sure when kaiju attacks fall in the PR timeline so excuse my handwaveyness, LOL

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hermann’s relationship with his father is what one would call strenuous at best, but—Hermann must admit, to the man’s credit, and in spite of his many flaws—he took the news of Hermann’s sexual orientation as unflinchingly as if Hermann had told him the day’s weather. It was a bit annoying, in fact. Hermann had agonized over the proper way to breach the subject for months, certain it spoke to some sort of personal ruin (whether ostracization from the Gottliebs or being forbade following through on any attraction he may feel whilst still living under the family roof, he wasn't sure), before finally simply announcing it one day at the breakfast table on a whim.

It had been a long-standing tradition that Hermann’s parents compile a binder—effectively of dossiers—on all the most eligible bachelors (for their daughter) and bachelorettes (for their sons) to aid in the choice of the latest Gottlieb mate. It was easiest this way, or so Hermann and his siblings were told. Parental approval was already secured. The histories of each were already secured, which bypassed any nasty shocks that might emerge in the courtship stage. Most of them were children of his father's colleagues or bright minds in their own rights: surgeons, and dentists, and mathematicians. Poets were strictly forbidden.

The occasion of Hermann’s breakfast table announcement had also been the day Hermann’s father presented him with his very first binder of prospective mates—a few days after his eighteenth birthday, and shortly before he was to go off to begin work on his PhD. His father had slid him a hand-written binder of names, no more than a dozen, and all with accompanying photographs. “All are accomplished young women,” he assured Hermann. “We can arrange any meetings of your choice over your winter holidays.”

Hermann glared down at the row of frozen smiles. He stabbed his fork into his cooked tomato wedge. “I don’t want to marry any of these women,” he said, and turned his glare on his father. He still had a rebellious streak in him at that point, something nurtured by a charismatic young man he used to trail after in boarding school, who pierced Hermann’s ear with a sewing needle in the boys’ toilets and listened to songs about setting things on fire. In late this streak had manifested itself in Hermann in nicking packets of cigarettes from his father’s study, one of which was in his pocket now. The weight of it made Hermann feel bolder. “I don’t want to marry any woman,” he continued. “I like men.”

The binder was drawn away in silence, and Hermann was free to eat his toast and tomatoes. The next morning a binder of young men was in its place.

(In a way the acceptance infuriated Hermann. It meant he could not blame his father’s obvious dislike for him on an unfounded, homophobic prejudice; rather, it was a result of Hermann’s own personal failings.)

The binder was placed at Hermann’s breakfast plate every day until he left for his studies. It was placed at his plate when he returned from them five years later. Not even the emergence of the kaiju from the bottom of the ocean shortly after Hermann turned twenty-four dampened his father’s hopes, nor turning all their scientific efforts towards the new jaeger program: some names were removed from the binder (the reasoning Hermann shudders to think at), more still were added, though Hermann is expected only to consider it once a week now on account of his busy schedule. This was one of such days.

“Your brother is very happy with his wife,” Hermann’s father reminds him. “She was one of my first suggestions for him, in fact.”

Hermann is not fond of his sister-in-law. Too rude—too cold. Though perhaps that makes her perfect for Hermann’s brother. “Haven’t we got bigger things to worry about these days than whether or not I’m going to marry?” Hermann says. He adds milk to his tea. “I’m sure they’re all, er, marvelous selections, only—”

“Your sister, too, with her husband,” father says.

Hermann sighs. He hasn’t got much of the rebellious streak he used to in him anymore—too stressed. Not fancying a fight before they’ve even begun today’s coding work, he picks up the binder and begins flipping through it. Sons of engineers working on the jaeger program with them, prominent young chemists, many of whom Hermann has been presented with since he was eighteen. Plenty of them are even handsome. Half of Hermann wonders if he should just pick the least-unappealing one of the bunch and be done with it already. He turns the page over and freezes. “Oh,” he says. “This one is—new.”

“Hm?” father says.

Hermann holds up the binder, tapping at a new entry. “Newton Geiszler.”

“Dr. Geiszler,” father says, nodding. “A child prodigy from Berlin—he’s made tremendous strides in kaiju science in such little time. And,” he adds, “three PhDs. Two of them before he even turned twenty.” The unspoken implication was that Dr. Geiszler far surpassed Hermann in intelligence and Hermann should feel ashamed for not skipping as many grades as Dr. Geiszler.

Hermann feels he ought to resent Dr. Geiszler for it, but he's finding it difficult to summon up any animosity towards him. It's likely because Hermann finds Dr. Geiszler to be strikingly handsome in his photograph: cheeks which haven’t quite lost their baby fat (giving him the appearance of being a scruffy hamster), large, thick glasses, tousled hair, an easy grin. Three PhDs, and German at that. And a child prodigy? “I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned him to me before,” Hermann says. He seems precisely the sort father would. Geiszler’s photograph is black-and-white and a bit grainy, but Hermann swears he could make out the lightest bit of freckles across his cheeks.

“I’d not heard of him until he published an article last week on kaiju biology,” father says. “Besides—he’s moved to America.”

Geiszler has three piercings up the side of his left ear. “I am going to write to him,” Hermann declares.

Father nods, and picks up his newspaper, clearly already disinterested. They speak no more of it that day.

It is not hard to find Dr. Geiszler online (his name is not the most common, and his field of study certainly isn’t), nor is it hard to match his photograph to his faculty page on MIT’s website. From there, Hermann retrieves Dr. Geiszler’s email address. He takes the evening to read over Geiszler’s publications spanning back to 2003 before he gathers up the courage to type out an actual email.

Dear Dr. Geiszler,

You do not know me, but I have recently been made acquaintance with your work and find it—Hermann pauses—scintillating. My father and I are—Hermann backspaces this—I am currently working on the development of the jaeger program…

There’s a response waiting for him the next morning. It’s as enthusiastic as it is brief. Dr. Gottlieb- That’s so awesome!! Believe it or not I’ve been following your work too. I have a million questions for you about the jaegers. If it’s classified info I promise I won’t tell. -Newt

It makes Hermann smile like nothing ever has before.

Hermann’s correspondence with Dr. Geiszler does not transgress beyond the professional until the following January. By that time, Hermann and his father have successfully completed the coding for their first jaeger prototype, and Hermann has been offered his fair share of tenured university positions to pick from as he likes. He finds himself oddly disappointed that none of them are in America with Dr. Geiezler. This, which leads to the realization that he’s grown rather fond of Dr. Geiszler, is perhaps what drives Hermann to uncharacteristic sentimental extremes on January 19th: he orders Dr. Geiszler a birthday present. The first email Dr. Geiszler sends him after that addresses him as Hermann. The first email Hermann sends Dr. Geiszler after that addresses him as Newton. Things move rapidly after that.

“Are you still writing to that young biologist?” Hermann’s father asks him in March. Hermann has spent the last two months devouring every bit of information Newton has seen fit to divulge about his personal life: his dexterity with no less than three different instruments, his favorite loud monster movies, how he’d love to get a kaiju tattooed on him one day. Hermann suspects he might be falling in love with Newton. In hardly five months! These are war times, Hermann supposes, so it would make sense. People are meant to do such extreme things.

“I am,” Hermann says.

“I’ve asked around about him,” Hermann’s father says. His expression is stern—unimpressed. “About his character. I’m not sure it’s wise to continue your correspondence.”

The reasons are this. Dr. Geiszler’s methods are unorthodox. Dr. Geiszler is loud and uncouth, and has little respect for his intellectual superiors. Dr. Geiszler was thrown out of a convention once for storming up on stage and stealing a microphone from an engineer to shout about the destruction coral reefs. Dr. Geiszler was in a distasteful band for several years. Dr. Geiszler was once arrested for egging a politician’s house. Dr. Geiszler has gone on record as describing the kaiju as “kinda cool”. Almost none of this is news to Hermann; in fact, that which is only causes Hermann’s affection for Newton to grow. “I will consider your advice,” Hermann says, knowing he won’t. Besides, it's not as if his father really has Hermann's interests at heart—Hermann knows he merely wishes to preempt any scandal Newton Geiszler could possibly bring upon the Gottlieb name.

In April Newton goes on television and declares that he’s sure the kaiju are extraterrestrial in origin, on account of their great size and his brief examination of a sample from the second kaiju to make landfall. He’s laughed off by his older peers before he can get another word out. The email he writes to Hermann afterwards is furious, capslock-heavy, and expresses that Hermann is the only one who takes him seriously in the whole world. It leaves Hermann certain that he is in love with Newton.

“Dr. Geiszler was interviewed on some American television program,” Hermann’s father says a few days later.

“I know,” Hermann says, proudly. Newton was on television. “I watched it.”

“He made some extraordinary claims,” Hermann’s father says.

But Hermann is thinking only of the outfit Newton wore (skinny jeans and an oversized leather jacket, so out of place compared to the suited other scientists sitting around him), the shade of his eyes (hazel), his short stature (hardly taller than Hermann), and the cadence of his voice (high, but not unappealing). He’d been so confident, and carried himself with a self-assurance that was foreign to Hermann. It was marvelously attractive. “I’m sure they're correct,” Hermann says. "Every single one. Newton is a terribly brilliant scientist." All bold claims are met with derision at first, are they not?

Newton’s theory is proven correct after the next kaiju attack, when experts other than him get their hands on kaiju samples and validate his claims. The general consensus after that is that the kaiju are not of this world. And Newton was the first to propose the theory! Hermann sends Newton an email full of congratulations, and Newton responds with a heart emoticon in his sign-off. Newton isn't just a brilliant scientist. “Newton is a genius,” Hermann tells his father, dreamily.

The binder reappears on Hermann’s work desk a few months later, Newton’s page torn conspicuously from it. Hermann tips the whole thing straight into his trash can. He has more important things to worry about—arranging a meeting with Newton, perhaps. Hermann ought to have him over for dinner.

[piratedandy]

I'm super fascinated by my poll results so far-28 votes as of this post. 21.4% the first option. 46.4% the second option (that's not all that surprising. It makes sense that one of the less black and white answers has more love) 21.4% the 3rd option and 10.7% the 4th option.

My bf played buddy sim the night before I played kinitopet (I ofc watched him play buddy sim and he watched me play kinitopet) so maybe that's why the similarities were so striking to me

Rambling opinion on it all ⬇️

But like. Without thinking about it for long I could already come up with several similarities

Both characters pretty much immediately saying "Thank you for waking me up" it think in that exact phrase for both?

Both games following characters starting with rudimentary games and then building up to them making a larger experience tied directly to questions they asked about you-especially the asking about the season thing.

The cutaway to seemingly "random" horror bits (the glitch scenes for buddy sim and the scenes like the hide n seek game for kinitopet)

I want to loosely add the ending with a song thing. A lot of games follow that structure. (Portal/portal 2 and Doki Doki come to mind) Though both songs center specifically around friendship. I do believe that tropes are tropes for a reason, and it's not a bad thing to include in your game. I think what stands out to me is that so many of the tropes appear in both games in very similar ways imo

Even down to giving both characters "access" (though kinitopet does make that aspect a lot more apart of the game)

I think they both have a music track by the same name too?

I think I would feel less strongly about it if kinitopet was more developed. That might not have been the vibe the developer was going for, but I think the fast pace combined with the kind of loose horror scenes made all those similarities really stand out to me. If it felt more developed, I think I would appreciate the game a lot more for what it is and the road it takes than just have it remind me of something else.

I went into it wanting a new digital horror experience but spent like half of the time sharing looks with my boyfriend about it. Not all of those looks were disappointed looks. They started as sort of excited that a game was expanding on different aspects of a similar idea to one of my favorite games. They just kind of became disappointed

Overall I feel kind of neutral about kinitopet. The things i liked and the things i didnt kind of weigh each other out. For some people, a bite sized horror experience is exactly what they want. I'm sure those people would have opinionated critiques of buddy sim for not getting straight to the point like I do of Kinitopet for not taking its time. It's all opinion at the end of the day.

I do think the character of kinitopet was really fun though. And the way he messed with your desktop did stand out among other games who did similar things.

But, I did feel like the horror was rushed which made it feel cliche and not very scary. Then again, I was in the fnaf fandom back in the day lol so maybe I don't have legs to stand on there.

Long story short. The summary of my opinion on kinitopet would be: if it expanded on its premise more, the similarities would be less striking bc it would have set itself apart. Without expanding on it, it just feels like a skeleton of other digital horror that came before it. That is just my opinion tho.

[mikaze-discord]

Quartet Night: Love letters

Annnnnd these are the love letters written for Quartet Night!!!

Please enjoy under the cut~

REIJI KOTOBUKI

From Anon:

I've always been drawn to characters with complex (and fairly dark) personalities, so liking Rei-chan was honestly inevitable for me.

He looks like a very bright and cheerful character at first, which he is, but sometimes that part of him is a little misleading because, in actuality, he's a character that holds a lot of negative feelings about himself due to a past that he can't seem to move on from. He holds a lot of those feelings to himself because he doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He's a reliable, cunning, and ultimately selfless character that chooses to shoulder a lot on his own out of his infinite care for others, and perhaps a secret sense of atonement, all hidden behind his bright demeanor and goofy smile, and it's endlessly interesting to me.

Besides the duality of his personality, he has a lot of other endearing quirks to love about him. He loves his mom a lot and is a mama's boy. His old-man jargon and catchphrases never fail to amuse (I still can't get over the way he says "my girl"). His obsession with anything even remotely British is something my APH England phase can relate to. His style of music brings a lot of pleasant feelings of nostalgia for me, and his pretty voice suits them a lot. And most of all he's just a very good boy overall. I rate 99999 out of 10 would love and support him and also maybe pay for his therapy because god knows he needs it. Happy anniversary!!

From another anon: 

Would you like to hear a story? You do? Very well then, may this story be one you enjoy.

What do I like about Reiji kotobuki? A Lot of things actually!

Well, I've always really liked Reiji as a character as he seemed to be one of the more interesting characters to me, due to how complex he is with his backstory and general just personality.

I have always really enjoyed how Reiji just solves problems too? Like he is just such an outgoing person who deserves all the support!!!

Like the best word I can use for Reiji is just, unique. Everything about him is just so Reiji. From the way he talks, to his nicknames or even his texting style. Like have you seen how many people use emoticons when texting as Reiji? It's just so him.

I like his way of thinking too! I feel like some of the interactions in the games are just so interesting, just seeing Reiji’s point of view. How he deals with a sort of survivor’s guilt and all of that.

Personally, some of my most memorable roleplaying moments were watching a Reiji rper in action, like just seeing them interact and flow so seamlessly with the other characters was just so fascinating to wee baby rper me. Such a large part of playing Reiji is just how you flow with the people around you and comedic timing. I have so many funny moments where Reiji was just interacting with people and it was just so inspirational (?) like I couldn't stop the smile on my face. I had learnt alot from them. I still consider them my roleplaying senpai almost! I don't talk to them anymore but I really had an amazing time just seeing their spin on the character.

I don't find him to be a romantic partner towards me nor do I see any of the characters in that light, but I've always found Reiji as such a personal character. Not even just towards me, like even with other utapri stans. The most relatable character always seems to be Reiji.

I've always been pretty similar in many aspects to him and I often find myself relating to him in numerous ways like his vibe is just relatable! I have often found myself trying to make other people laugh and have fun that many times I'm spreading myself thin and feel unappreciated...Reiji really helped with that.

This is where i start getting into the really personal stuff LOL feel free to skip if you dont wanna hear the angsty backstory.

I had really come to love Reiji when I had just...hit a low. I had a group of friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and just talking to, but they weren't very good friends per say. I often had to schedule every activity we did and I spent days and nights trying to think of concepts that might be fun. They took it for granted.. I had spent 4 months trying to make a game for them, and they had constantly pushed back times that we would play it. Using excuses to not play it, without telling me out right what they did not like or even why. The site I used was later taken down without notice and thus I had lost all my progress. Later, they had mentioned how they would like to play it except that later ended up being two years later. I really wish I could've solved things with that friend group like Quartet Night did but that didn't happen. That is when I started seeing things Reiji’s way? Not to say that it was the same or similar scenario to Reiji but I had just associated it with him.

RANMARU KUROSAKI

From Anon:

Ran is such a fun character! He sounds like a "rough outside, soft inside" kind of character, but his roughness is more like an integral part of him and it's through it that he shows he cares rather than setting it aside. That's what made me want to rp him. I also like how he is such a strong guy who's always determined to do his best in everything he does despite so much having gone wrong in his past. And it's very satisfying to see him form bonds and start to trust people.

From @mikaze-san:

Originally, my favourite Utapri boy was Ai, and it had been the robot boy for several years upon entering the fandom. In fact, it only switched to Ranmaru sometime late last year but regardless, I would still die for this man. Part of the reason why I switched is because I’ve always been a fan of Suzuki Tatsuhisa and I have a huge bias towards any man who wears nail polish without fearing being “feminine” because fuck gender roles.

As someone who studies fashion, I think Ranmaru is very coordinated and confident when it comes to portraying himself that way. He knows he’s not very good at expressing his emotions and utilises his passion for rock and playing the bass to portray those feelings through his songs. It’s also incredibly inspiring to know that he bounces back from pretty much anything considering his backstory and the stuff he deals with in the game/anime.

But my main reason for loving Ranmaru so much stems from the fact that I admire him a lot and want to be more like him. For a long time last year, I got to roleplay as Ranmaru in a few Utapri groups and through those experiences, I gained a better understanding and appreciation of the characters that I wrote for. In some weird way, by highlighting his flaws, character progression and how he dealt with different emotions, I ended up providing insight into how I dealt with similar issues by looking at them from a 3rd person perspective.

I used to be very shy and was very shut off from friends and family, and due to this I’ve always admired people in my life or fictional characters that are so confident in being who they are. Ranmaru particularly struck that chord in me because his bluntness knows no end. He’s very opinionated and doesn’t fear confrontation, in most cases being the one to provoke it. He speaks his mind openly without being overly anxious of the consequences. This is something that I feel is especially relevant today with being your authentic/unapologetic self is such a trend.

It’s something I’ve also noticed with having met people in or outside of this fandom, the notion of idolising a fictional character containing traits that we want to see in ourselves. Which made me think about a lot of my favourite kinds of characters which at the end of the day all boil down to sharing one similar trait: Being a bitch.

And in Utapri, Ranmaru embodies that. So naturally it’s very easy for me to idolise him.

(Tldr: I like his bitchy attitude.)

AI MIKAZE 

From Arashi:

It's hard to put into words why I love Ai Mikaze, perhaps it's because I'm subconsciously drawn to him, maybe it's because his hair and eyes are my favorite color, maybe it's because his voice is that of an angels, there are many reasons why I love him. I couldn't tell you a definite, "These one or two reasons are the entire reason I love him", but I'll try to sum it up.

I grew to love him by admiring his personality, his smile, his determination to reach his goals, everything about him made me happy. He's strict and a little scary at times, but when he sees people caring for him, he becomes happy and in a way, sentimental. He's not sure how to explain the way he feels, but he tries. I think I admire how he holds all the little things precious to his heart as he learns about them, and he wants to understand how to care for others and how they care for them in return. Even after six years, he still remains the most dear to me. I think that he now has a sentimental value to me, because even if I 'loved' another character more for a while, I will always come back to Ai. Ai deserves the world, and I'd give it to him if I could. He'll always be special to me, and I think that he very much deserves that.

From Maronda: 

My love for Ai started after I found Shining Live by chance and started to play. At first I wasn't particularly attached to any of the characters and decided to go back and watch the anime to maybe remember some context other than who Starish was. When I got to the episode focused on Ai and his "secret" I was absolutely thrown off by it all. I ended up feeling like I had so many questions and I knew that the anime would give me little to no answers, so I frequently turned to rambling on the internet about it. Eventually, this fixation on weird things about him seemed to turn into a clear fondness for him, and friends made me realize just how much I liked him. Knowing the cold and often strange aspects of his personality was due to something out of his control was something I resonated with as someone on the autism spectrum. He reminded me of some of the ways I used to think and behave.

I also began to notice other things I loved about him. Things like how soothing I found his voice, the pleasant shade of light blue in his hair and eyes, how ridiculously pretty he is... but the best things are the endearing parts of his personality. Though he's somewhat harsh, he's still entirely genuine. His curiosity is absolutely precious and his occasional awkwardness in expressing emotion or understanding the emotions of others made me empathize with him. And if you look at the Ai in Shining Live and compare it to the Ai in the anime and games... he really has changed a lot and grown as a person. He now seems so much gentler and understanding, and he clearly values the friendships he has now too! I think he's a wonderful character and ever since friends of mine encouraged me to selfship I've essentially been in love with him, but it also makes me happy to see other people appreciate him for other reasons as well. He's just so lovable!

CAMUS

From @uta-no-fakku-sama:

At the very beginning of my UtaPri interest, Camus never really caught my attention. That is until he became my first My Only Prince UR. I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more ever since, and now he’s become my favorite QUARTET NIGHT member! Along the way, I learned more about him and realized he’s one of the more complicated characters to understand. Nonetheless, I absolutely adore him. I tend to tease and make fun of him a lot, but deep down I truly do like him a whole bunch!

From @/waddamaloooon on twt: 

A little Camus appreciation post

(alternatively known as; how this guy managed to harshly take my heart and step on it like the gumin I am.)

Hello, this is Suikamaru, here to share a tiny story of why I, and eventually you, love Camus Rondo Cryzard.

At first glance, his looks appealed to me, but not his behavior (and ironically enough, his voice) so I didn't bat an eye on him. I've always been on a neutral leaning to dislike opinion on Camus, which is quite understandable because have you SEEN the way he acts. Unfathomable.

…..To a Young Suikamaru, that is.

I've grown, so naturally I've changed preferences regarding characters, ikemen, and who to stan and who to avoid like the plague. I will lie if I said that I expected to like that blonde confectionery devouring machine at any point of my life.

But it did happen so who are we fooling here.

It dawned on me that Camus is the type of character that you cannot appreciate unless you go in depth into his lore, backstory, and see him for who he really is. Because then everything else will make sense. And that never happened in my case until I started roleplaying as him.

I realized that he's not just a two faced, sweet toothed mean man. He's a perfectionist, someone who's always been raised since his childhood days to be nothing less than complete, who has locked on his heart and emotions to devote himself completely to the purpose given to him. He has the looks and brains for what though? He should be a little stupid honestly.

But his intelligence gave him the complexity that he just needed for his characteristics. Because as aforementioned, he's not someone to easily like or fall in love with. And I think that's quite rare in characters, and very much appreciated due to the fact it gives the fans a chance to not actually stay on a flat level of knowledge regarding their favorite characters.

I've slowly started to see myself in some aspects of him, which was the number one factor of liking him. Then came the Maeno magic when I realized Camus shares the same VA as another character that I love as well. (Hamelin, from SinoAlice.) From then, everything went downhill.

In a good way. I think..

Well, that is all from me, please read about this handsome man and appreciate his hard work both as an individual and as an idol. There is SO much to him that's p much overlooked and I'm getting broke from spending my money on his living expenses rent free in my head. Take him off my head.

[4stars-uswnt]

Wonder What it’s Like to Be Loved by You [Emily Sonnett x Reader]

requested by anon: Sonnett writes a song about the reader ( we know she is that talented ) and some teammates hear sonny mumbling it so they make a plan to make sonnett confess her love for r and maybe using the song

A/N: Thank you for this request! I drew inspiration from @icouldneverreallysing​’s Wonder, so please go check out their work!! Also lol this takes place in a world where Emily is still on the Thorns bc let’s be honest, that’s where she belongs.

**also i highly HIGHLY recommend listening to the cover that i linked below because it’s so good and i think it really adds to the story :))

Listen to “Wonder” by Shawn Mendes here

Listen to an acoustic cover here (this is what I envision what Emily’s version sounded like)

Emily Sonnett was currently sitting at the dinner table, lost in her thoughts, as she watched you watched you giggle to a joke Kelley had made. The blonde defender had a tiny crush on you ever since you’d been traded to the Thorns a couple of months ago. Immediately, you and Emily had clicked, having the same sense of humor and same interests. Your kindness and sincerity had Emily absolutely smitten, but she was too nervous to say anything.

Now, almost three months later, as she admires you from across the room, Emily is still harboring her crush. Instead of voicing her feelings, she’d decided to write them in a song. Seeing your infectious smile sparks something within the blonde, who instantly pulls out her phone to type out some lyrics, so she doesn’t forget them.

“Whatcha up to?” Lindsey sets her plate down, dropping into the chair next to her best friend.

“Nothing.” Emily quickly shuts off her phone, scrambling to put the device back in her pocket. “Just checking the feed.”

“Okay.” Lindsey draws out, giving her a weird look, before taking a bite of her food. Brushing Emily’s weird behavior off, the midfielder begins to make conversation, as they eat their dinner.

On the other side of the room, where you sat at a table with Kelley, Christen, Alex, Allie, and Tobin, you were sparing quick glances over where Emily sat. Noticing your attention was elsewhere, Kelley pauses her sentence, snapping her fingers in front of your face.

“(Y/N), you with me?”

You’re pulled out of your thoughts, turning to the older woman, as you nod your head. “Yup.”

“Really?” She asks sarcastically, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at you. “So what did I just say?”

You try to track your brain, but you really weren’t paying attention. “Ummm a new smoothie recipe?”

“Good one, but no.” Kelley chuckles. “What’s on your mind, (Y/N/N)?”

“Nothing. I’m just a little tired.” And you weren’t necessarily lying, as the team had had training and fitness testing earlier that day. But Kelley, who knew you pretty well from your time in Utah, could see right through you.

“Mhmm, right.” She draws out. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain blonde defender.”

Your eyes widen and a faint blush arises on your cheeks. “What? No.” You see Christen, who you’d also become really close with, smirking, a knowing a look on her face.

“Whatever you say, (Y/N/N).” Kelly sings, going back to talking about whatever she’d been rambling on previously.

You find your eyes wandering across the room, landing back on Emily, only to find her already staring at you. The two of you lock eyes, and you give her a soft smile, which she quickly returns.

What are these feelings you’re having?

—————

The next day at training, as you’re racing down the sideline to send in a cross, Emily bodies you, poking the ball away as well as knocking you to the ground.

“Emmm,” you whine from your spot on the ground, “that’s a foul.”

“I didn’t hear any whistle.” Emily smirks, as she grabs your hands, pulling you up.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll get you next time.” You roll your eyes, playfully pushing her away.

“I look forward to it.” The defender winks, as she dramatically falls to one side from your push. You chuckle under your breath, shaking your head.

Emily can’t help but admire you, as you jog away, smiling fondly at your interaction that just took place. Making her way back into position, she starts muttering out some words, finally having found the perfect chorus to complete her song.

—————

On the bus, on the way back to the hotel, Emily was nodding her head and humming a tune, as she typed the remaining lyrics into her notes.

“What is this I hear about you having a crush on (Y/N)?” Lindsey quietly asks, as she slides into her seat.

You had also become extremely close with Lindsey when you’d arrived in Portland, and even closer when you’d gotten called up to the national team. The two of you having a different relationship than you and Emily, one that was more sisterly.

“What are you talking about?” The freckled woman exclaims, putting her phone down.

“Christen was telling me that she thought there was something going on between the two of you. Kelley also told me she’s caught you staring on multiple occasions.” At that, Emily feels her face warm. “So do you like her?”

“No!” She denies.

Lindsey gives her best friend a pointed glare. “Really? Because I’ve spent enough time with the both of you, separately and together, to know there’s definitely something going on.”

“Ok, so maybe I have a little crush on her.” Emily admits, mumbling under her breath.

The midfielder squeals and claps her hands together. “Oh my gosh! You have to tell her!”

“What? Linds, no, I can’t.” Sonnett adamantly insists, shaking her head.

“Why not?”

“Because what if she doesn’t feel the same way? And then it would just be awkward and our friendship would be completely ruined.”

“But what if she does feel the same way?” Lindsey gently challenges, resting her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Isn’t love worth the risk?”

For the rest of the bus ride, Emily thinks about what Lindsey said, her mind running in all sorts of directions.

Should she tell you about her feelings? Would you even feel the same way?

—————

Later that evening, after dinner, majority of the USWNT crowded into Kelley and Lindsey’s hotel room for team bonding. Conversation was flowing amongst the women with music softly playing in the background, as they waited for the rest of the group to show up, including you, Mal, Rose, and Abby.

As she’s listening to the end story Ali was telling, Emily starts humming the tune of the song she had written, as it was stuck in her head after working on it all afternoon after training.

“What song is that?” Kelley tilts her head.

“Uhh, just one I’d heard on the radio earlier.” The younger defender shrugs nonchalantly.

“Really? I’ve never heard it before.”

“Yeah, Em, I heard you humming that same tune earlier on the bus.” Lindsey pipes up. By now the rest of the women have turned their attention to Sonnett, interested in the conversation and this mystery song.

“Umm,” Emily scratches the back of her neck nervously, “it’s a song that I wrote.”

“What?!” The entire room bursts, absolutely shocked, and Emily shrinks under the blaring attention.

“Wait,” Lindsey narrows her eyes at her best friend, connecting the dots in her head, “was that what you were doing on your phone this morning?”

Before Emily can respond, Kelley jumps in. “Oh my gosh! That was when you and (Y/N) were exchanging heart eyes!”

“We weren’t exchanging heart eyes.” The younger woman murmurs under her breath, but no one hears her, too busy trying to catch up on the news that two of their youngsters have feelings for each other.

As Kelley quickly catches the team up, Christen finally connects all the pieces. “You wrote a song about slash for (Y/N)?”

This caused all conversation to halt, the women’s attention once again falling on the blonde defender.

“Maybe.” She squeaks, visibly cringing.

“Quick, show us before she gets here!” Megan motions, practically bouncing in her seat.

“What? No!”

“C’monnnnnn, Sonny.” Ashlyn whines, many of your teammates nodding their heads eagerly. “Pleeeeaaaassseeeee.”

“Fine, I’ll show you,” Emily relents, pulling up the note on her phone, “but I’m not singing. You guys can just read it yourselves.”

Kelley immediately snatches the phone, scanning the words, the other women reading it over her shoulder.

“Em, you have to show this to (Y/N).” Alex insists, as she finishes reading the lyrics.

“Ooo! Or even sing it to her!” Kelley suggests enthusiastically, returning the phone.

“No! I can’t do that.” Emily adamantly shakes her head.

Before they could convince her otherwise, the women heard a voice speak up.

“Hey guys. Sorry we’re late.” You plop down on the foot of the crowded bed. “What are we looking at?” You curiously tilt your head, noticing your teammates’s all crowded around something.

“Nothing!” Emily quickly answers, cutting off whatever Kelley or Megan had up their sleeves.

“Um, okayyy.” You eye suspiciously at her weird behavior. “So, what do you guys have planned for team bonding?” You turn your attention to some of the veterans, bouncing excitedly.

“Hmm, maybe some games and movies.” Alex shrugs.

As the evening goes on, and the team participates in several bonding activities and watches a couple episodes of FRIENDS, many of the women are preoccupied, thinking of a way to get the blonde defender to sing her song to you and confess her feelings.

“Alright,” you yawn, as the credits start rolling, “I’m gonna head back to my room.”

“Wow, (Y/N), last to arrive and first to leave. Lameeee.” Megan boos.

“I know, I know, sorry, but I told my mother I’d call her some time tonight.” You smile sheepishly at your teammates, as you make your way to the door. “G’night, guys.”

“Night, (Y/N)!” The women call out after you.

Once you had left the room, Julie shuts off the TV, as the team crowds around Sonnett once again.

“We’ve devised a plan for you to sing your song and finally tell (Y/N) how you feel.” Ash smirks mischievously.

“Guys, I already told you: it’s not gonna happen.” Emily sighs, rolling her eyes.

“C’mon, Em. Remember what I said on the bus?” Lindsey gives her friend a pointed look. “Besides, the song you wrote is actually really good; she deserves to hear it.”

“Plus, a little birdie told me (Y/N/N) might have a teeny tiny crush on you, maybe.” Kelley adds, gesturing with her fingers just how ‘teeny tiny’ your crush was.

“Emily, seriously, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” Ali gently rests her hand on the younger defender’s shoulder.

“She could reject me, laugh in my face, and tell me she doesn’t wanna be friends anymore.” The blonde exasperates, throwing her hands in the air.

“Sonny, you know (Y/N) is too nice to do anything like that.” Christen assures, playfully rolling her eyes. “Besides, even if she didn’t like you romantically, which I’m pretty sure she does, (Y/N) would never not wanna be friends with you.” The rest of the women nod along, voicing their agreement.

“You just gotta take the leap, Em.” Tobin says like it’s the simplest thing in the world, and maybe it was.

After a moment of contemplation, Emily takes a deep breath. “Okay, fine. So what’s the plan?”

The entire room burst out into cheers and claps, grinning knowingly at each other, as they spill their schemes to the younger woman.

Would this work?

—————

The next morning, after breakfast and before the team meeting, while some of the team was corralling you downstairs, Emily was pacing a hole at the front of one of the hotel conference rooms.

“Son, calm down.” Ashlyn sets her hands on the defender’s shoulders. “You’re making me dizzy.”

“Sorry, I’m just a little nervous.” Emily mumbles, shaking her head, as if she could shake off the nerves.

“A little?” Megan snorts, looking up from her phone. The goalie looks over her shoulder and gives the pink-haired woman a stern glare; not helping she mouths.

“Look,” Ash turns back to the younger woman, “you’re gonna sing this awesome song you wrote, you’re gonna kill it, and you’re gonna get the girl.”

Emily nods her head, letting out a nervous chuckle, as she goes back to pacing back and forth, earning many eye rolls from her teammates.

Meanwhile, Kelley, Christen, and Tobin were knocking on your door.

“Oh, hey, guys.” You greet, a confused look written on your face. “What’s up? I thought the meeting wasn’t until 11?”

“It’s not,” Tobin shrugs, “but we wanted to show you something.”

“What is it?” You pull on a hoodie, before stepping out into the hall, closing the door behind you.

“Well, if we told you, that would ruin the surprise, now wouldn’t it?” Christen points out, a teasing smirk playing across her face.

“There’s a surprise for me?” Your eyes widen, excitement seeping through your voice.

The older women chuckle at your enthusiasm, nodding their heads.

“Yup,” Kelley pops, “c’mon, let’s go.” She turns on her heels and leads you downstairs.

—————

As the four of you arrive at the doors of the conference room, Kelley steps in front of you, blocking your entrance.

“Ok, now close your eyes.”

“Kelley, what the heck? What is going on?” You roll your eyes. After fifteen minutes of aimlessly following them around the hotel, you were somewhat frustrated at this point.

“Just do it, (Y/N).” Christen gently coaxes from behind you.

You huff out a sigh and close your eyes. You hear one of the doors open, before you feel Kelley carefully guiding you to walk into the room.

Hearing the door shut behind you, you call out to them. “Guys?” With no response, you open your eyes and see Emily standing at the front of the room, a guitar in her hand.

“Em?” You furrow your brows, utterly confused as to what is going on.

“Uh, hey.” She shifts her weight, waving awkwardly.

“What’s going on?” You ask, as you approach her. “Kelley, Tobin, and Christen said there was some sort of surprise?”

“Well, yeah, um— they, well the whole team actually, helped me plan this.” Emily stutters, nervously scratching her neck. “I have something for you.” She motions for you to take a seat, so you pull up one of the chairs and sit down, awaiting for her next move.

“So, I—uh — wrote this song, and um, it’s for you, and yeah, I’ll just play it.” Emily mumbles, before strumming the guitar.

You intently watch your best friend play the opening chords, and you can’t help your heart from fluttering in your chest, as you hear her melodious voice.

I wonder if I’m being real

Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel?

I wonder, wouldn’t it be nice

To live inside a world that isn’t black and white?

As Emily sings along to the guitar, you watch the woman before you in awe, carefully listening to each word, ensuring you catch each and every one of them and their meaning. You find yourself relating to the lyrics, knowing what it was like having to conceal your feelings for your friend.

I wonder what it’s like to be my friends

Hope that they don’t think I forget about them

I wonder, I wonder

Emily finally looks up, locking eyes with you, before starting the chorus, in which she’d spill out her heart.

Right before I close my eyes

The only thing that’s on my mind

Been dreamin’ that you feel it too

I wonder what it’s like to be loved by you, yeah

I wonder what it’s like

I wonder what it’s like to be loved by

Emily feels a soft smile break out across her face, as she sees your still sitting there, a grin on your own face. You could feel yourself becoming emotional listening to the song, tears building up.

I wonder why I’m so afraid

Of saying something wrong and never said I was a saint

And I wonder if someday you’ll be by my side

And tell me that the world will end up alright I wonder, I wonder

By now, the blonde had stepped closer to you, officially serenading you at this point. She slowly stops strumming the guitar, allowing her voice alone to echo throughout the room and convey her raw emotions.

Right before I close my eyes

The only thing that’s on my mind

Been dreamin’ that you feel it too

I wonder what it’s like to be loved by you.

The last word sounds in the empty room, as Emily finishes the song. A heavy silence takes over, the two of you staring at each other, tears and love filling your eyes.

You slowly stand from your chair and step closer to the other woman, one of your hands reaching for hers and the other cupping her cheek. You search Emily’s face for any sign for you to stop, and when you don’t see any, you lean in closer, bringing your lips together.

It was a chaste kiss, but it was sweet and full of passion, communicating the hidden love the two of you had had.

You pull away and bite your lip. “I’ve been wondering the same thing, Em, what it’s like to be loved by you.”

“Really?” She lets out a water laugh.

You nod, caressing her cheek. “I like you.”

“I like you too. Like a lot. If you couldn’t tell.” Emily jokes, still staring at you with complete adoration.

“Who knew you could be so romantic?” You grin with a playful smirk.

“I try.” She shrugs, causing a giggle to erupt from your mouth. Emily smiles at you and tucks a loose hair behind your ear, as she shakes her head. “I really like you, (Y/N).”

You bring her in for another kiss, your arms resting on her shoulders, as hers wrap around your waist. Before it could get too heated, you hear a thudding noise coming from outside the door behind you.

The two of you pull away and look suspiciously at where the noise was coming from. As you approach the door, you can hear muffled whispering from the other side.

“Can you hear anything?”

“No, now shhh, I’m trying to listen.”

You roll your eyes, recognizing your teammates’ voices. As you open the door, the entire USWNT piles in, Kelley, Tobin, and Christen, who were leaning against the door, falling onto the floor.

“Oh, hey guys, what are you up to?” Kelley stumbles to her feet, dusting herself off.

You quirk your eyebrows at the older woman. “Really, Kel?”

“What?” She looks at you with faux innocence. Once she realizes you’ve definitely caught on, Kelley deflates. “Alright, fine, you caught us. But we just wanted to know what was gonna happen.”

“Yeah, we had to make sure Sonny stuck to the plan.” Megan explains, nodding seriously.

“So did it work?” Ash calls out from the back of the group.

You lightly chuckle at your teammates and reach out to grab Emily’s hand. “I’d say so.” You nod, running your thumb across the blonde’s knuckles.

The rest of the woman beam, clapping and hollering with excitement, and you can hear Kelley yelling, “Woohoo, our plan worked!”

You fondly shake your head and the woman’s childish antics. Feeling Emily squeeze your hand, you turn to look at the woman you’ve started falling in love with.

“I’m still wondering what it’s like to be loved by you.” She teases, rubbing her nose against yours.

“Well, I’ll guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” You throw back at her with a sly smirk. “Tomorrow at 7?”

Emily gives your cheek a chaste kiss. “I look forward to it.”

[d1nob0nes]

i’ve spent like 5 minutes doing homework and need a break so uh. c!foolish and c!jack manifold friendship idea that was brought up in twitter groupchat that i also want to share and develop on here. it’s long so uh. under the cut ig. might turn this into an entire fic at some point

starting with the deep sea afterlife idea from @the-king-of-lemons , jack comes back and he’s got all these “friends” that he made in the ocean, all these funny looking and colorful and beautiful fish and squid and creatures. he misses them. he wants to go back to that peacefulness, the momentary calm from the constant war and conflict, the gentle lull between the pain of dying and the pain of being revived. so he figures some shit out. does some math. 

one day foolish is out late. it’s getting dark, he doesn’t want to go through the nether to get back home, so he strolls down to the hotel to stay in the room jack has rented to him. jack greets him and walks him into the lobby, and foolish notices a new door off in a corner. it’s metal, almost like a vault door, with a keycode and spinning wheel. he points it out. “hey, jack, what is that?”

“oh, that’s a project i’ve been working on,” jack replies with a grin. “you wanna see it?”

“sure,” foolish says, shrugging, because it shouldn’t take long. but when jack leads him over to the door, unlocks it with his body hunched over the keypad, it swings open to reveal a long, dark, sloping hallway that descends into darkness. there’s a minecart off to the side, perched on rickety-looking rails, and jack gestures to it. “after you.”

the trip downward is terrifying. there’s no lighting, the rails are shoddily-made and crooked, and foolish swears that a few arrows are shot their way when they fly past cave entrances. the worst part is coming to a stop--jack sticks out his arm, a flash of silver in the darkness, and grabs onto the stone walls, making a horrible screeching noise that echoes through the passage as the minecart slows. they slam to a stop in a small room, lit by a singular torch, and jack’s already out and walking around before foolish realizes the minecart is still.

“here, put one of these on,” jack says, and a heavy bundle of metal and plastic hits foolish’s chest. “you’ll need it. otherwise, your head will explode.” he grins cheerfully at foolish and starts dressing himself.

the diving suits (at least that’s what foolish thinks they are--they’re held together by willpower and hope, as well as a bit of tape and some sort of glue) are heavy, clunky, and huge. jack stumps over to a little doorway, one that opens into a rickety elevator, and says, “you’ll have to turn sideways to get in,” before shuffling inside. the elevator car dips when foolish steps in, and he has to bite back a curse.

the second descent of the night is equally as terrifying as the first. the elevator car struggles downward, dropping several feet at points and halting at others. jack just stands casually, tapping his feet, humming some song. when the elevator finally stops, hundreds and hundreds of feet down, it’s with a grinding, screeching thud.

“we’re here!” jack declares, his voice muffled by the helmet. “hold on, lemme open the door--”

he yanks and pulls at the metal door, heaving until it jerks open. foolish steps out onto a rough, uneven stone floor, turns to his left, and stops.

there’s a massive, massive glass wall, stretching up into shadows. behind it is dark, barely lit water, strands of strange looking plants, and fish. tons of fish, of all shapes and sizes and colors, darting around each other and dancing behind the glass. some glow, some flash strange colors, and foolish swears he sees the tail of a shark whip by before disappearing into darkness.

“cool, innit?” jack declares. there’s a weak strain of pride in his voice, a subtle shake, but he stands straight and tall with his hands on his hips. “took me a while. i didn’t sleep much, but i got it done.”

“what--” foolish starts, but then jack is running up to the glass (running as best as he can in the massive pressure suits, at least) and pointing. “look, look,” he calls. “this is my buddy, this is long lad. i couldn’t think of a name for him, being the stringy fuck that he is, but look. he’s a bigfin squid.”

foolish can’t see much, other than several long, ghostly pale tentacles drifting through the water. jack is beaming inside his helmet, and he darts across the tank to point at another creature. “this, this is bella. she’s a giant isopod. i read up on these things, y’know, when i came back, to figure out what all my buddies were.” jack watches the pale, bug-like thing tumble off a rock and land gently on the muddy floor. “isn’t she pretty?”

“jack,” foolish finally spits out, “how--what--why did you make this? where the hell did you get all these animals?”

jack’s smile fades a bit. “well, i died, right?” he glances at foolish, almost shamefully, then turns back to the glass. “and wilbur, wil had his train station purgatory. tommy was in a void of some sort. me, well--i actually died. i didn’t have a ghost hanging around, or some sadistic fuck with a book ready to pull me back. i actually died then.

“everyone has a different afterlife, apparently,” jack continues. “my headset says some weird shit, and that’s something i’ve heard from it, and i believe it. my afterlife,” he says, turning to look foolish in the eyes, “was the deep sea. i was laying in the silt, in the dark, for a while.”

“oh,” foolish says. 

“i missed them, a lot,” jack adds on. his voice is rough, cracking, angry. “i had nobody to welcome me back to the living. nobody noticed, or cared, that i had died, and they were my companionship. they kept me company, and it was nice, and it was peaceful.” he gestures weakly to the glass wall, to the swarms of fish and shadows that shift through the water. “i wanted to replicate it, i guess. hence the big jack manifold aquarium.” he laughs, and it’s so full of hurt and pain that foolish grimaces.

there’s a moment of silence between them, as they stand in the weak blue light watching the sea creatures swim. something with a long neck, bioluminescent and flashing, moves slowly between the seagrass. a sperm whale covered in barnacles drifts out of the shadows, then retreats.

“i think it’s pretty awesome,” foolish finally says. “this is really cool.”

“you think?” jack laughs, and the tension and sadness lifts slightly. “hey, look at this one. i call him big bastard, because he tried to take a bite out of me a few times.”

there’s a massive shark swimming by, slow and steady, and foolish squints at it. jack’s going on about it, talking about how it dive bombed him in the afterlife, how it’s such a bastard motherfucker and jack hates it but in an endearing way, and then something sparks.

“jack,” foolish says, “that’s my great grandma. that shark.”

“what?”

---

yo if you made it this far thank you for reading :3 the deep sea creatures coexisting in a tank, as well as the descent and pressure stuff, are very scientifically inaccurate so apologies !! uh yeah lol haha whip nae nae i hope you liked it. anyway back to my homework and twitter i go bye

[thebeautyoffandoms]

*cracks knuckles* Aight, I have a million thoughts about pandora hearts ALL THE TIME, so buckle up. The previous ask about Leo/Elliot vs Gil/Oz was 👌 but what I love about the two separate Servant/Master dynamics is how the characters are foils to each other. Like. It’s so good. When Oz and Gil met, Oz was in that phase of his life where he wanted to feel reliable and so he told Gil to lean on him—Gil, as we know, was Pretty Messed Up™ and didn’t want to think about anything, so he threw himself into his role as a servant. So, they had kind of an unhealthy yet balanced(?) master/servant relationship. Contrast that to when Elliot met Leo and it’s like day and night. Leo was completely content living as the top dog in his orphanage, getting the younger kiddos to behave, reading books, and playing the piano. Leo didn’t need anything—he didn’t even want to be looked at or really acknowledged. Then comes Elliot (bless his lovely face) barging in and getting in his face, wanting everyone to know who he is and why his family is respectable instead of shady. He is loud and proud (literally lmao). Instead of jumping at the opportunity to be the servant of the youngest Nightray son, Leo actually responds with “no way in hell” to his offer. It’s my absolute favorite thing. Everything about Elliot is something Leo has deliberately avoided up to that point in his life, yet he concedes because he finds Elliot interesting. Where Gil is blind to what his master does, Leo is absolutely enthralled by his master’s (often idiotic) choices and corrects him when he needs it. Gil doesn’t do this, not always out of fear of his master, but I think because he knows about Oz’s severely perfectionistic ideals and goals. So as to not deride his master or make him feel low, he instead chooses to suggest things in a loose manner. Anyway, I ain’t gonna apologize that this is way super long cuz I don’t really have anyone else who talks PH so lol. Your thoughts?

my thoughts? so so so many- ahem- anyway! i think you put it pretty perfectly- the fact that, to be honest, if i gave someone a description of Leo (especially before-Elliot Leo), then a description of Elliot, I'm not sure they'd exactly say "woah, they'd be great having to spend most of their time together!" honestly, they'd probably even fit into "rivals (from a shoujo manga more than a shounen i'd think)" category??

Elliot and Leo, in my opinion, are sort of like... perfect opposites? or maybe the whole "opposites attract" thing? or maybe even not since, like you said, Leo simply found Elliot (Nightray. Elliot Nightray, proudly wearing the Nightray name. Why? Leo probably didn't know-) entertaining (understandably so. I'm sure many did- our lovely, precious, cocky teenage boy barging into an orphanage, just to yell at the same kid every time- we love to see it, love to see it) and wanted to read from the library- plus, that "no way in hell" line is one of my favorites- Leo, an orphan, when compared to an rich boy aristocrat like Elliot, doesn't have much to be proud of but, my goodness, is Leo proud in his own way. Why would someone who preferred to keep to himself and his books most of the time, want to have anything to do with.. well- Elliot?? Taking care of a boy (a loud, frankly obnoxious at times, boy) who's perfectly capable of laying out his own clothes isn't exactly ideal, yk? But, the fact that he accepts, and considering the fact that Leo is indeed at least obligated to lay out Elliot's clothes makes me laugh.

ANYWAY, comparing our two best master/servant relationships, you're still exactly right. Gil looks up to Oz, and Oz treats him... like... a really annoying older brother may?? I'm not sure how else to put "bullies him, but like?? affectionately", since Leo definitely "bullies Elliot, but like?? affectionately" in a completely different way. Leo sees Elliot as a friend, despite being obligated to call him his master, the same way Elliot sees Leo as a friend. Looking at Oz and Gil you see "master/servant." (also like you said, in a borderline unhealthy way) Looking at Elliot and Leo you see "friend/friend." Sure, as time passes Gil (eventually) drops the "young master" from Oz's name, but you still get the master/servant vibes throughout it all- maybe less at the end, when they've both grown in different ways, it feels a bit more natural? But, it's been a while since I've read it, so I'm not sure if Gil ever really drops the "I look up to you, Oz." Leo, however, I'm not sure he looked up to Elliot even once- maybe admired him for a split second, but... as much as I love him, and as much as I personally admire Elliot, he makes some idiotic decisions. Having Leo correct him is all part of the fun tho- plus, it makes the scene after Elliot scolds(? maybe not the right word, but i'm too excited to rant about ph to care) Oz feel a bit different? When Leo tells him something along the lines of "I'll scold you when you deserve it" (that's definitely a good way off the mark, but I have it in my mind ahh)

It's also fun to think about everything that must have happened between Elliot and Leo that wasn't shown. They spent years together, after all- not every day could be summarized in those flashbacks or scenes. All the arguments we missed, and all of the fun times. Leo and Elliot aren't the most perfect together, since their personalities clash pretty hard- so I'm sure they both got sick of each other, but, sort of like siblings do, they still cared for the other. No matter how hard and long they argued, they were still friends- heck, the fact that they argue so much makes it feel even less like a master and his servant. Leo's got a sharp tongue and shorter-than-average temper, and Elliot has a short temper and sharper-than-average tongue. It's honestly funny- these boys give me so much joy, as I'm sure they did for each other. I'll also choose not to think of the hard times, thank you very much. Yk, the confusion, the guilt Leo must have felt, what was going on in their heads when things started to get weird- i.e., when Elliot said he composed the song that Leo claimed to have.

I'm sure there's so much more I could add to this, and maybe some I got scrambled, or maybe I missed your point entirely, BUT- long story short, I love both Elliot and Leo so very dearly, and their relationship has made me laugh and cry- and still can, even after I've finished the series-

[sevensided]

how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

[tiredassmage]

♖: What was your inspiration to write this character (or characters)?

♟: What music do you associate with them?

♭: What is their significance to the story?

These weren't directed at anyone in particular, so, since I'm going to bounce around a bit, I'll forego the banners this time to spare everyone some dash space, lol!

What was your inspiration to write this character (or characters)?

Bas and Isaac were both born from my interest in exploring a different side of relations with Garlemald, when I get down to their backstories. Bas is, comparatively, rather more developed than Isaac because I still haven't decided what kind of story I want to do with him, but he is a Garlean, and Bas spent several decades conscripted in the Imperial ranks.

Bas is the primary expression of this kind of idea for me because he is... the other end of what I have done in the past. Astor is involved with Gaius Baelsar in one of his timelines and has always been a natural bleeding heart, so its easy for him to see the multiple facets of the story with the Empire. Shay is... rather neutral on the subject. And then there's Bas, who leans more towards having a knee-jerk mistrust of them on principle after his experiences in the battles for Dalmasca, the rebellions, and his conscription.

Ironically, his best friend ends up being a pureblood that he basically ends up kind of adopting as his best friend, adventuring buddy, and kind of younger sister, even, at times??? So he goes through a sort of roller coaster about his feelings with the Empire that's been really fun to bother him about. At the end of the day, I think there's a part of him that was always aware it was never really fair - not how he was treated and not how he reacted to them because of it. But fairness or lack thereof doesn't invalidate his feelings alone, and dealing with that and starting to trust more and more of them as time goes on and he, inevitably, meets more of them throughout the story teaches him a lot, I think, and helps him understand himself better in the process.

Isaac is... still more like a cuddly teddy bear I play with occasionally just to release the happy chemicals than a properly developed concept, but the idea was to at least lightly toy with life outside of what we typically see of the Empire - their military might and history of conquest. Isaac is still relatively young and, though trained as part of military forces at one point, would have preferred... something a lot tamer, if he'd been able to pick his own path. In a way, I think I just kind of wanted to test preconception of Garleans with him, but, like I said, I'm not... quite certain about how I really want to go about it or how far I want to take it. But I still think about him, so he's still around, lol.

What music do you associate with them?

I am so horrible at music questions. I really am. I could barely describe my own musical taste for you, so I am even worse at my characters. One song I've carried with Astor for about as long as I've had him though is Deep in the Meadow/Rue's Lullaby from The Hunger Games. It's something I like to incorporate as a song his mother used to sing to him when he was younger and something he's always remembered ever since - something they used to share with patients when they were both healers, something that has always reminded him of her and home ever since, especially when she passed when he was eighteen.

What is their significance in the story?

THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SOME ENDWALKER SPOILERS! Under a read more for your convenience :)

This one I'll toss to Shay, as he's the main character I have that has a fair amount of development and doesn't necessarily conform exactly to the role of Warrior of Light as set in the game - which most of my mains tend to because... I enjoy the game! And that's the main way its played.

While technically Shay is a Warrior of Light, he'd call himself more the... sidekick type. In the course of having him, this has developed from just a consequence of Shay's... not particularly great self-image and confidence rooted in how he grew up to part of a promise that dates back to Etheirys. He was never a full member of the Convocation (and you couldn't have made him accept if you tried, though its possibly they may have, at some point. I haven't decided and I'll probably leave it that way because it would be like His Old Self to just. Be infuriatingly vague like that), but he was assigned as a travel companion to the young Azem, Iris (his modern-day Airi of @fatewalker-phoenix fame). Ares, as he was known, was always a firecracker (not too surprising if you know Shay), but he was also something of a preening peacock. Understandably, him and the naive, gentle hearted Iris butted heads at first. But they grew on each other, and Ares was nothing if not loyal to potentially brutal, fatal faults - and also sometimes rather overdramatic. My beloved idiotic warrior poet, if you will. Because he can wax quite poetic when he wants to (something he left with Shay, I admit). While he pledged no ultimate loyalty to such petty things as mortal law and gods, who he would follow to the ends of the stars themselves, if called, was Iris.

And its a promise he's kept every time, no matter how far, no matter how long, no matter how many lives or what sundered star they found themselves on next.

Shay has, over the course of the story, developed an uncanny remembrance and understanding of his life as Ares, and sometimes its... a bit difficult for even him to tell where Ares ends and Shay Delacroix begins, but, for him, its reaffirmed a sense of belonging and identity he had unwittingly craved for an extremely long time - something Airi had been digging up with him as he slowly opened up to her and fell in love with her. And I've gotten very deep in my feelings at times over his journey to self-acceptance and discovery and tearing apart his mask of just being some angry bastard. And, really, that's the story I'm here for with him.