#the way i basically drew Obi Wan exactly the same

[necromanticcowboy]

the devil is yearning guys :[

[hellotherekenobi]

─── would you say yes?

summary: younglings love to pull pranks and play matchmaker. when you’re called to assist obi-wan in the recent mission, a bit of both ends up taking place.

a/n: this contains mentions of injury.

ONESHOT. ⟶ 3,616 WORDS.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You turn around to face your class, your eyes scanning over the many faces of the younglings sitting cross-legged on the floor, and are expecting their wide eyes of interest to greet you. However, despite that being the expression on most of the faces, confusion littered the rest and even a yawn from one of the boys in the back row, who stretches his arms above his head as if you can’t notice him all the way back there.

You sigh, “Does that make sense?”

Most of the younglings nod at you, although some you can tell aren’t quite genuine. The rest remain still.

“Perhaps if I explain it this way—” you sit down in front of them, cross-legged too— “Imagine drawing something in the sand at a beach. What happens when a wave crashes onto the shore, onto what you just drew?”

“It gets washed away.” One youngling speaks out.

“Yes, exactly. And although the drawing you made fades away, there’s still an indent where you drew in the sand. That’s what it’s like.”

A collective ‘oh’ voices among the younglings and you nod at them, knowing that they now all understand. Although, even you can understand why it would be something difficult to process; memory loss. At their age, it would seem something so bizarre to happen to a person. It was even something bizarre to really teach them, considering that their training is more centered around the Code and their practice of the Force. But every student needs to learn the basics and this is where you come in— you have been assigned to teach the younglings more on life itself so that they are aware of the mundane and, well, the bizarre.

Suddenly a hand raises from the back row and you encourage them to speak, noticing that it is the same boy who had yawned before, “Um, but, if a Jedi loses their memory... can they ever get it back?”

“It depends on the situation. Some people who suffer from amnesia never regain their memory.”

“What?” The boy cries, looking desperately over at the rest of the younglings who sit around him, “You mean like Master Andar?”

What a fragile subject. Jedi Master Andar was one of the very best and he was a close friend of yours too but, sadly, he was critically wounded on a mission and didn’t get the medical attention he needed fast enough; thus, he now suffers from amnesia. It’s hard for him, you know how hard it is for him, you just wish his condition wasn’t so much a public spectacle or conversation topic, which he feels the same way about.

“Yes,” you say softly, “like Master Andar.”

“So it could happen to any Jedi?” One youngling asks.

“Yes—”

“Like Master Yoda?”

“Yes—”

“Like YOU?”

“Alright—” you wave your arms— “I think we’ve centered our focus on this subject long enough. The rest of the lesson will be spent meditating.”

Thank goodness for meditation. It was like nap time, the perfect excuse to quiet the younglings and give yourself a breather. Standing back up, you ask for the blinds to be closed and all of the younglings wiggle their way on the floormat to sit more comfortably, all closing their eyes... except one. You shoot him a raised brow and he gasps, screwing shut his eyes and starting to meditate like you had asked. You can’t help but shake your head with a smile on your face; you love these children. But you love silence just a little bit more and you were ready for just that for the next 20 minutes if it weren’t for a knock on the door.

“Master Kenobi!” Shouts one youngling, and now the others all repeat his name and jump up on their feet.

Well, no more silence. With a shake of your head, you sigh, “What can I help you with, Obi-Wan?”

He smiles, a breath of laughter rolling past his lips, “I’m here by request from the Council. May I speak to you privately?”

“Of course—” you spin back around to the younglings— “continue your meditation.”

They all collectively groan and you raise an eyebrow at their response. Telling them not to complain, they all sit back down on the floor and you walk over to Obi-Wan but turn back around just before you make it out of the door to point a finger at the youngling who had yawned at the start of your lesson and he sits back down after trying, and failing, to sneak out with your back turned.

Once outside, you let out a real sigh, “What’s so important that the Council sent you to my doorstep?”

“Well, I’m not sure you’re quite going to like this.” Obi-Wan smiles awkwardly, fingering his beard, “We have a very good lead on a Separatist working within the Outer Rim and we must act swiftly. However... we’re lacking in numbers.”

“Not me.” You shake your head, “Any of the clones can assist you. They're good soldiers.”

“I know they are but the Council asked for you.”

“Obi-Wan... I don’t do missions anymore. You of all people know that.”

Sadly, he does. It wasn’t as if your reason for becoming a Republic educator was a tight secret but, like Master Andar, it was a fragile subject. In so many words, the last mission you were on was difficult and afterward you had requested leave. The Council offered you the job of teacher as a substitute and you had taken their offer. But you’re not going to take this one.

“Ask someone else. There’s always someone else.”

“I don’t like this anymore than you do—” he takes a step forward— “but I wouldn’t be here unless I knew no one else can take your place.”

How many times are you going to sigh today because of somebody else? It’s not like you have much of a soft spot for the Jedi Council that would have you accepting this so suddenly. You really don’t want to do this.

“I said no.”

Obi-Wan nods, “Would you make an exception if you knew I would be by your side the whole time?”

“Are you trying to flatter me or trick me?” You ask with a smile.

“I could hardly trick someone as intelligent as you, and I don’t think you’d be too easy to persuade with the Force.”

Leaning in, you whisper, “Now are you trying to tease me?”

He copies you, “Would you say yes if I was?”

Before you can reply, a tiny hand tugging the fabric of your robes has you looking down at a youngling. She’s a cute girl, the youngest of your class.

“Can I have some water, please?” She asks, and it melts your heart.

“Of course.” You smile, then look at Obi-Wan, “Master Kenobi and I were finished talking, anyway.”

He gives you a smile that you know is laced with protest as you’re sure he doesn’t want to leave here empty-handed, in a sense.

“Are Jedi allowed to marry?” The young girl suddenly speaks.

You look down at her confusedly, “Why do you ask?”

“The boys... they were talking about how you and Master Kenobi talk like an ‘old married couple.’ Is it true?”

“Oh, my dear—”

“As flattering as that sounds, we still have a Code, dear one.” Obi-Wan talks over you, smiling gently at the girl, “How about I take you to get some water?”

She nods excitedly, reaching her hand out for Obi-Wan to take.

“Consider this a favor to return for you joining the mission.” He whispers beside you.

“My answer is still no.” You whisper back, and watch as he chuckles while he walks down the hallway with the girl’s hand linked in his.

A favor? That was hardly a favor. You’re putting your foot down about this whole thing, no matter what Obi-Wan does or says. And you’re about to put your foot down about certain topics of conversation as you walk back into the room with your eyes pinned down on the youngling boy you know started the ‘rumor’ about your marriage to Obi-Wan.

But just as you’re wrapped around the youngling’s fingers, you’re pretty wrapped around Obi-Wan’s as well. Damn him. So when you approach him the next day, you don’t have to say anything before he’s smiling and crossing his arms at his chest.

“Here to return the favor?” He stirs.

With a clearly obvious disgruntled chuckle, you smile synthetically at him, “Just this once, Obi-Wan.”

He accepts your answer, stepping to the side so that you can walk with him over to the hangar bay. He was going on this mission whether you were or not but it only dawns on you as you reach the jet that he had waited for you in the hall. That too-good Jedi knew you were coming. Once again, damn him.

“I trust you remember how to use this.” He says, handing you a lightsaber.

Taking the weapon from his grasp, you say, “I’m still perfectly equip, don’t worry.”

“With you by my side? I could never.”

You flash him a genuine smile this time but it fades just as fast as the jet rises from the ground. There’s a sudden weight in the pit of your stomach as you’re flying out, where a muffled buzzing nips at your ears. You’re scared. It definitely has been a long time since your last mission, even though you are equip, that wasn’t a lie, but your last mission was the reason you stopped. Before your anxieties can get too loud, Obi-Wan’s hand touches your shoulder and grounds you.

“It will be alright.” He says, “I won’t leave your side for a second. I promise you that.”

“Thank you.” You breathe out.

When the jet lands and you, Obi-Wan, and the Clone troopers aboard all file out, Obi-Wan sticks by your side like glue. He’s barely an inch apart from you, just like he promised. Unfortunately, it was a half promise— where you all are becomes the main point of attack and you’re ambushed. Kriffing hell, it’s a trap! And it looks like it was well thought of in advance, seeing as there are more attackers than you, Obi-Wan, and the Clone troopers combined. Things weren’t looking good, and this is where the promise Obi-Wan made was halved.

You all had to get to cover, otherwise no one was making it out of here alive, so Obi-Wan pushes you ahead of him. You are only separated from him for a moment when something flies over your head and lands on the ground in front of you. It was a grenade, one with prongs that stuck into the ground to prevent it from moving or being moved. Your chances of running from it without injury are slim but you know that those running behind you could dodge it by their distance. They just need a warning.

Spinning around, you raise a hand up and shout, “Obi-Wan!”

His feet skid to a stop from how blood-curdling your voice was, knowing that you were shouting at him to not come any closer, and then the grenade detonates; rattling the ground, knocking Obi-Wan and the Clones off of their feet, and your vision goes black.

For Obi-Wan, he sees your body drop and he swears his heart does the same. With eyes wide, he scrambles up on his feet to race across the distance to reach you. He turns your body over, his skin burning from the heat that radiates off of your robes, now all singed and black. Your eyes are closed, your face covered in blood from the force of hitting the ground, and Obi-Wan can feel the panic rising in his throat, threatening to scream out but it chokes on the smoke left over from the destruction of the grenade.

It’s a mad rush to pick you up off of the floor and run toward cover, cradling you in his arms. A transport jet arrives after far too long a wait in Obi-Wan’s opinion and he with the other Clones climb onboard. Immediately, Obi-Wan lays you down to asses your wounds— he can now see the severity of your injuries, them being a temple wound. You’ve hit your head hard and he’s getting no reaction from you, just a steady breathing, which, in a sense, is a good sign but also not a good sign; if you don’t wake up soon then— no, Obi-Wan doesn’t want to think about it.

As soon as the jet lands back on Coruscant, Obi-Wan is running toward the Medbay with you in his arms and asking for immediate medical attention. A nurse leads him over to a vacant bed and he places you down on it as gently as possible, getting pushed back slightly when another nurse races over to assist. It’s only when Obi-Wan steps back does he realize that his hands are shaking. He barely hears the nurse telling him to leave the room before he even registers that his feet are moving; every step feels heavy, each new one thumping loud but hollow at the same time in his ears.

Why did he leave you? Why did he break his promise? He said he wouldn’t leave your side for a second but he did, and now you’re... well, he doesn’t know if you’re going to be alright. Especially when he returns to the Medbay that same evening, asking for a status report and hearing back that your breathing is steady, yet you still haven’t woken up. So he comes again the next morning, then that same afternoon, and Anakin is waiting for him at the door that evening to place a comforting hand on his master’s shoulder. But your eyes stay closed.

Eventually, on the third day, Obi-Wan gets a call on his comlink that you’re awake and he races over to the Medbay to see all of the younglings you’ve taught already there, some on their tip-toes to peer over the half wall where you’re laying in bed, looking at the nurse who is currently talking to you. Obi-Wan’s chest feels tight from exhaustion— he did just run from one end of the Jedi Temple all the way over to the Medbay— and he takes a deep breath, combing his fingers through his hair and stepping beside the younglings. They all look up at him and smile, some calling his name. He returns the sentiment and then it’s the nurse who calls his name next, gesturing for him to come closer.

He takes one step and the younglings take two, all of them flooding into the room you’re in. Two boys push past and put their hands on the side of the bed, saying, “You’re awake! We’ve missed you!” but the chuckle they expect to hear from you is replaced by silence. You just sit there and stare at them, something acting like a smile faded on the corners of your mouth.

“Are you feeling OK?” One youngling asks.

Before you can nod, another youngling says, “Of course she’s OK! Master Kenobi is here.”

Finally a smile forms on your face when all of the younglings giggle, and one boy decides to push it just a little bit further and say, “He saved your life, didn’t he, Mrs. Kenobi?”

Obi-Wan shakes his head, ready to tell everyone to give you some space to breathe, but your soft voice has him stilling, “Mrs. Kenobi? How did we manage that?”

“What?” He asks.

“Well, we’re Jedi, aren’t we? Yes, we are, I’m sure. Unless we married before the Order? I’m sorry, I— I’m having trouble remembering.”

Obi-Wan.exe has stopped working. He looks over at the nurse, “Her head?”

“It’s a little foggy.” The nurse replies, not wanting to look at the younglings when she says the words.

“Wait,” the same youngling boy speaks, “I was just playing around, I didn’t think that she—” he spins to look at you— “Do you have amnesia!?”

Chaos. Suddenly, the younglings are wailing and crying, becoming more and more clamorous as they ask the nurses a million and one questions, some even asking Obi-Wan. He can see your wide eyes and confused expression through the sea of screaming younglings and calls out for them to lower their voices and, for Maker’s sake, to keep calm.

When they do ease their volume, Obi-Wan says, “I think she just needs some rest. Come now, your training hasn’t stopped. Master Windu is teaching you all today.” and when some argue, he emphases, “We wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.”

The younglings seem frightened for a moment before scrambling about, thanking Obi-Wan for reminding them and saying goodbye to you, who is still sitting there absolutely puzzled, before they all rush out of the Medbay. The young boy who had made the marriage joke, however, reaches over to poke Obi-Wan in the leg, looking up at him with guilty eyes.

“It’s not your fault.” Obi-Wan says, kneeling down to his level.

“But what if she never remembers? Like Master Andar?”

Obi-Wan places a hand on the boy’s shoulder, “Time will tell.”

“You’re worried too, aren’t you?” When Obi-Wan doesn’t reply, the boy caringly places his hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, just like he had done before, “Trust in the Force.”

With a smile, Obi-Wan pats the boy’s arm and he runs after the rest of the younglings. Your eyes are on him as he stands and he looks over at the nurse, “Could I speak to her for a moment?”

“Take as much time as you need.”

The nurse walks out of the room, leaving you and Obi-Wan alone. And you just keep staring at him. You know him, of course you do, it would take more than a grenade blast to wipe Obi-Wan Kenobi from your mind but... husband?

“I can tell you have questions—” Obi-Wan steps beside the bed— “and I’ll do my best to answer them. First and foremost, um... we’re not... married.”

“Oh,” the word sounds so sad from your lips.

“It was just a practical joke. The youngling boy, he— he does that a lot.”

“Yes, I... I remember him being like that.”

Silence.

“We’re not even... together?”

“Oh, um, well,” why is he so flustered? “No, we’re... not.” Obi-Wan takes a breath to calm himself, “How far back do you remember?”

“Well, I’m not sure.”

Right, of course you don’t know. Stupid question, Obi-Wan!

“The last thing I remember is leaving the jet, where you told me you would stay by my side.”

Great. Just throw that at him. Obi-Wan sighs, sitting down on the space of the bed where your legs aren’t, “Yes, that. I, um, I didn’t exactly keep my promise. I told you to go on ahead of me and that’s when...”

“The grenade went off.” You finish for him. He nods. His face is all clenched; eyebrows furrowed, lips in a tight line. He’s upset. Reaching over, you place your hand on top of his, “You’re not to blame for this, Obi-Wan. You understand that?”

“But you got hurt, after I promised you that everything would be alright.”

“Everything is alright. I’m still breathing. I just... have a bit of thinking to do.”

“Well, I can ease your worries, you haven’t forgotten much.”

“Yes, the nurse told me I’ve been out for a few days.”

“Three.” Obi-Wan says. You raise an eyebrow at him and he blushes, “I... I came by whenever I could to make sure that you were alright.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, “and those?”

Looking over his shoulder to see the flowers on the table adjacent to the bed, you see Obi-Wan turn even redder, “Ah, yes, well, you see, I thought they would be nice to wake up to if I wasn’t already here...”

“And somehow they’re my favorite kind?” Yep. He’s red. “And, if I’m remembering correctly, I’ve never told you my favorite flowers before...”

When you find yourself beside a silent Jedi, you squeeze his hand, “Obi-Wan—”

“I should be going,” he talks over you, standing on his feet, “I’m glad you’re alright. Call me if you need anything.”

Obi-Wan turns on his heel but before he even reaches the doorway his comlink beeps, and he looks down at it to see that you’re the one that called him. Turning around with a faded smile on his face, he sees you; comlink in hand.

“I’m not alright at all.” You start but the pause you take is agonizingly long to Obi-Wan, “I would have liked being your wife.”

His heart is racing faster than he believes it ever has before, even in the heat of battle. He’s stumbling on sentences in his head, tripping over risky words and broken promises. There’s a vein of hope pounding against his heart and he wants to steady it, calm it, and tell it to slow down before it gets over its head but it’s too late; he wants to tell you what he shouldn’t.

The corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth turns up, “And I, your husband, but we still have a Code to follow.”

“Of course.” You say, “It still would have been nice.”

You both stay in that moment, pretending. Maybe if things were different, maybe if you both weren’t so scared, then maybe it could be possible. For now, it’s just a dream— one you both sleep on that night and rethink the next morning, and just like he had waited for you in the hall for the mission so many days earlier, Obi-Wan is already at your door with that glowing smile, a promise between his fingertips, and saying, “To return the favor of saving your life?”

tags: @marvelinsanity @immoral-rose @inukako @penfullofwordsaheadfullofstories @alwayssleepingforreal @bloodybunnyuwu @nagitokomaeda-onthe-nintendo-ds @the-mandalorian-clone-lover @princessxkenobi @mythandmagik @i-cant-hear-you16 @holdurhuxbby

[glimmerglanger]

You asked for this, friend: In the oof!au, Obes is gonna need a new lightsaber isn't he? Or at least will need to heal Anakin's. You have any ideas how that goes?

HE SURE IS. I actually think it’s one of the things he gets around to earlier (so, chronologically he starts working on it before the arm is completed, but finished after). SO:

~~~~~~~~~~

So many things were broken.

Obi-Wan felt the cracks, the aching hurts through the Force; it was a constant kind of pressure, always there. He felt it from his men - even from Rex and Ahsoka, who were not, technically, his, but - and himself and…

And even the lightsaber that he kept in his quarters.

He did not know what Anakin had done to his lightsaber. Perhaps there’d been some grand plan in store for it. Perhaps Anakin had planned to use it to cut off his legs. Or to kill him, when Anakin ran out of ways to amuse himself with Obi-Wan’s body.

Whatever his intentions had been, they could no longer come to fruition. It was gone, along with everything else once placed upon the surface of Mustafar. 

But Anakin’s lightsaber had come with them, had escaped off of the planet and stayed in Obi-Wan’s care. And it radiated agony, out into the Force. It took days - weeks - for Obi-Wan to identify that bit of agony; there was so much else to work through, first.

When he did, he froze for a long moment, staring at the metal cylinder. It was large, larger than he could comfortably hold. Anakin had not been rebuilt to scale, by whatever butchers had tended him. The saber was dark and grim and Obi-Wan did not like to look at it because Anakin had--

Made it the instrument of some much pain and suffering.

Enough so that the agony radiated out of it, still.

Obi-Wan curled his fingers up to his palms. He considered simply putting the thing in an airlock and spacing it, but… He understood the basic process used by the Sith to torture kyber crystals into compliance. He could not, he found, bring himself to abandon yet another wound caused by Anakin. He drew in a sharp breath and, carefully, went about dismantling the device.

It was easy to fall into the habit of breaking down a lightsaber. He had done it so many times in his life. Each lightsaber was different but each was the same, as well. He twisted and tugged and gently placed the pieces as he went, just as though he were repairing his own.

Except his crystal had never been so dull. There was no visible red glow to it, not the way he had half-expected. It simply looked shadowed. It had no shine. And it radiated agony out into the Force, a sense of corruption and wrongness.

“Sh,” Obi-Wan said, plucking the tiny crystal up and placing it in his palm. It barely weighed anything and felt terribly cold against his skin. He curled his fingers around it and cradled it to his chest, curling over, murmuring, “sh, sh.”

#

There were methods to heal a kyber crystal. Obi-Wan had heard of them, once upon a time, ever so long ago. He barely recalled them. He’d been a padawan, when he learned the lore and the rituals, and had not thought them something he needed to commit to memory.

After all, he’d assumed, the library would always be there to review the process.

He was still digging through his memories when someone knocked at his door. He did not have to stretch out his senses through the Force to know that it was Cody. After all, he’d been alone for nearly an hour.

That was, to date, close to a record for them.

Obi-Wan shook that thought away. Healing, he knew, took time. He stood, keeping the crystal tucked against his palm, and went to the door, and nodded, though he was not really hungry, when Cody asked if he wanted to go to the mess.

The crystal burned cold against his palm through the meal.

#

Obi-Wan grew familiar with the cuts and edges of the crystal. He studied it and kept it close and wondered, exactly, how he was supposed to heal it. He meditated upon it, keeping the crystal close, and found it easy to sink down into its presence in the Force.

Something lashed out at him when he did, something sharp edged that slid along his mind. He got the feeling, settled deep in the Force, that it was a strike not meant to cause harm. A warning, instead. 

He exhaled, centering himself and refocusing on the crystal and when it struck at him again, he accepted the pain. Sometimes, he knew, healing required pain. A broken bone could not be set without hurt.

And he knew quite well how to handle pain.

#

The pain radiating out of the crystal did not ease all at once. It faded over time, in bits and snatches, until one morning Obi-Wan woke up and felt no hurt blazing out of it. He uncurled his fingers slowly, and found the crystal clear.

He smiled and curled his fingers closed again, relieved, at least, to have succeeded in fixing something.

He meant, really, to leave things there. The Order had fallen, the Temple had burned, he was...not the warrior he once was. What use did he have, really, for a lightsaber? But that did not stop him from reaching for his belt, more and more often, especially once his prosthetic was completed.

It would always be his first instinct, in a fight, to reach for a lightsaber, to stand as a shield in front of his men. A blaster could kill a man, or at least hurt someone badly enough that they would not rise again.

A lightsaber could deflect a killing blow, could stop a fight before it started.

And so he sighed, eventually, and pulled out the rest of the pieces of Anakin’s lightsaber, frowning over them. They were the wrong size to serve his purposes, but the basic components would work, if he managed to collect enough of what he needed. 

He wondered how difficult it would be to arrange a trip to a market. Or perhaps two.

#

In the end, he made his purchases here and there, while they were going about other business. He thought he’d done a fairly good job keeping his work to himself, at least until Tektek stopped by his side in the mess one day and placed a small spring beside his hand. Obi-Wan had been unable to find one anywhere and looked up, startled.

“It wasn’t hard to make,” Tektek said, gaze cutting to the side, voice quiet. 

“Oh,” Obi-Wan said, reaching his new hand out and gently lifting the spring. “I didn’t - you didn’t have to--”

“I wanted to,” Tektek said, and Obi-Wan could not help but noting that their conversation was suddenly drawing a lot of attention. Crys, a table away, had frozen and was staring at them, wide-eyed, as Tektek cleared his throat and said, “Some of us - we have some other parts. If you’d want them.”

Obi-Wan blinked, rapidly, trying to clear away the burn in his eyes. He said, carefully clearing his throat, “I’d - of course I’d want them.”

And by the time he left the mess he had all the pieces he yet needed, held carefully in his hands. He said, softly, to Cody, who walked beside him the entire way, “I didn’t mean to put everyone to any trouble.” 

And Cody hesitated, for just a step, before he slid into motion again and said, “You didn’t.”

Obi-Wan wrinkled his nose. “I--”

“We want - we - it’s good, to help you,” Cody cut in, touching his arm, so softly that Obi-Wan only barely felt it. He came to a stop and purposefully leaned into the touch, hearing Cody’s breath catch a little.

They did nothing but look at one another for a moment, and then Obi-Wan nodded. He said, soft, “I have everything I need now.”

“So you can make one?” Cody asked, and Obi-Wan hesitated another moment before inclining his head, just a little. “Good,” Cody said, and Obi-Wan wished he could agree so whole-heartedly, so easily.

#

In the end, Obi-Wan found reasons to put off the construction, but a brutal fight and then another convinced him he could not wait any longer. He was a steady hand with a blaster. He could fight more than well with nothing but his body.

But…

A lightsaber helped. There was no way to deny it. And so he went back to his quarters, relieved when Cody followed him in and sat down at the table to clean his blaster. Obi-Wan laid out all the pieces and...made himself breathe as he constructed them. 

It did not take long to complete the work. He closed his eyes and felt each piece in the Force, moving them together without touching them. He tested the balance of the completed saber, sliding the Force over each piece of it, feeling the thrum of the crystal inside.

He stretched out his hand and took it from the air, and it fitted perfectly against his palm and his fingers. He opened his eyes and exhaled, and Cody, who had been sitting quietly across the room asked, “Well, are you going to turn it on?”

Obi-Wan stared down at the saber in his grip, heart twisting unpleasantly in his chest. He knew, very well, that a kyber crystal reflected the person it attuned to, and that he had gently replaced Anakin’s impression on the crystal. He’d spent time with it, carried it with him, it would--

It would know him, when he turned the saber on. It would reflect him. Changes and damage and--

He shut his eyes, looking to the side, fingers clenching tight. “Perhaps later,” he rasped out, throat unpleasantly tight, too able to imagine what the blade might tell him about the parts of himself he didn’t want to see, about what Anakin had done to him, really, not on the outside, but inside--

“Sh,” Cody murmured, quiet, and closer. “It’s -- Obi-Wan.” He reached out, carefully, and gripped Obi-Wan’s shoulder. Obi-Wan blinked, could not help but lean into the touch, the comfort Cody was projecting down at him. He looked up, and found Cody watching him. And Cody said, quietly, “Try it now, please.”

Obi-Wan hesitated another moment, but, in truth, putting it off further wouldn’t solve anything. He swallowed and nodded, tried to center himself in the Force and activated the lightsaber and--

He did not intend to sob at the flash of blue light, but the sound escaped his throat, anyway. And Cody was there, curling an arm around his back, murmuring soothing words against his hair as Obi-Wan slumped into him, relief and disbelief and wild joy all swirling within him.

[the-and-sign-anon]

Lost Padawan: Negotiations

Word count: 1,741

It took another month or so after Kenobi’s visit for news of Palpatine’s arrest to reach Mandalore. In that time, Magnolia had taught her brothers a great deal about the Light Side of the Force. They spent every morning meditating, most afternoons training (without anger or aggression), and shared their history with each other to move past it. Maul came to terms with the things he’d been forced into, the pain he’d been through. Savage let go of his history, everything that Mother Talzin and Dooku had done to him. And Magnolia made the most of her freedom. She hadn’t felt trapped in the Order, but it was all she knew and now she couldn’t really imagine going back.

None of them had thought much about what would happen to Mandalore with the war over. Prime Minister Almec was still acting on Maul’s orders and had done nothing to raise suspicions. But with the threat of Dooku and the Separatists dealt with, Obi-Wan turned his attention to freeing Satine. Magnolia and Savage were taking a walk near the shipping docks when the Jedi came down the ramp of his ship.

“Magnolia, Savage-”

He stopped short when the pair drew their sabers and narrowed their eyes at him. Obi-Wan raised his hands in surrender.

“It’s alright, I come in peace.”

“The war is over, yes?”

“Of course.”

“So why are you here?”

“I want to negotiate for Satine’s release.”

Magnolia and Savage returned their sabers to their belts and shared a look. Magnolia stepped forward to greet him, but stopped again at the clattering coming from the ship. A few seconds after, a Mandalorian in red and purple armor and a clone trooper came down the ramp followed by another trooper and two more Mandalorians.

“Negotiations, huh?”

“They come in peace too.”

“Hey, Kenobi, you didn’t tell us this place looked so bland! The architecture is nice and all, but even Coruscant has more character. Wait till I tell Finley how little he’s been missing here!”

Obi-Wan let out a long sigh with his eyes closed. The trooper removed his helmet and took his companion’s when she did the same.

“Magnolia, Savage, this is-”

“Thrash!”

Magnolia smiled brightly at the familiar trooper. He was one of her favorites, especially from the 357th.

“Hey, kid. You look all grown up.”

He smiled at her, which he hardly ever did. Madeline had gotten more smiles out of him than anyone, and though the former padawan came close, she had only seen it two or three times herself.

“Well you look bald, so who’s really changed here? Who’s your friend?”

“Madeline Racine, of clan Racine. Pleasure to meet another laser sword wielder.”

The goofy smile on Madeline’s face assured Magnolia that she knew exactly what a lightsaber was, but took great pleasure in calling it the wrong thing anyway.

“Clan Racine and the 357th have been volunteering as our men on the ground for peace discussions and escorts. Madeline, Fenrir, and Magni wanted to see Mandalore for the first time, so they came along with us.”

It didn’t surprise Magnolia that none of the three Mandalorians had seen Mandalore before. After all the time she’d spent there herself, it would have been more shocking to hear that they were routine visitors. She guessed the three were different enough from the former Death Watch, if their excitement and shouted comments back and forth were anything to go by.

Savage had yet to say a word to any of the visitors. He was accustomed to Magnolia or Maul taking charge and talking enough for him, so he saw no need to speak up. Instead, he stood back and watched his little sister smile and laugh with her old and new friends.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you all, but I’m sure Kenobi here is anxious to get started. I can’t make any promises, but we’ll see what we can do.”

As she turned on her heel and started back to the palace, she called over her shoulder to the other trooper.

“Nash, get moving. I’d hate to see you get hurt before we even get to work.”

The trooper groaned in response, though he knew the validity of her comment, and followed after her. Savage stayed by her side with Obi-Wan a few steps behind. Thrash and Madeline walked side by side ahead of Fenrir and Magni. Nash brought up the rear and kept nudging the Mandalorians along every time they got distracted.

Magnolia walked into the throne room like she owned the place and called out for her other brother while Savage gestured to the waiting seats for their guests.

“Maul! We’ve got company!”

The crimson zabrak dropped out of the shadows and tilted his head at the strange assembled company.

“Kenobi made friends?”

“Doesn’t he always? He wants to see what we can do about Satine. Again.”

To Obi-Wan’s surprise, the former Sith smiled slightly and shared a look with his siblings.

“I do hope that won’t involve another escape attempt?”

“Only negotiations, I assure you.”

“Unless you want to fight for her. We can do that too.”

Obi-Wan immediately shushed Fenrir and Magni had to stifle her laughter. Thrash gave them both disapproving looks, but followed it with a thumbs up once the Jedi looked away.

“As much fun as that would be, I think we can take combat off the table.”

Savage didn’t miss Magnolia mouthing the words ‘for now’ to Magni, which made her giggle again. The whole group got down to business after a few more minutes of chatter. Magnolia and Fenrir kept making faces at each other though, competitiveness being one habit she could never entirely break. When Maul started to get a bit frustrated and Madeline started really losing focus, Thrash suggested a break. Everyone agreed and split up.

Savage, at the request of Obi-Wan, took Magni, Fenrir, and Nash to look around the palace. Nash warned him in advance that he was accident prone, but the hulking zabrak wasn’t too worried. Maul asked one of the guards to bring Satine from her cell for the rest of the discussion and Obi-Wan was allowed to go along. In the meantime Magnolia, Madeline, Thrash, and Maul went out to the garden.

“So, kid, what exactly have you been up to? Until Kenobi warned us on the way here, we all thought you were dead.”

Magnolia ignited her saber and swung it around.

“Oh, I’ve been around. I spent some time with pirates, wandered on my own, got kidnapped by these criminals…”

Maul rolled his eyes like she’d made that joke a thousand times before, which she pretty much had.

“We took you in, young one. And you forcibly reformed us.”

“All it takes is time and therapy.”

She smiled wide at him and tossed her saber to him, which he caught easily. He grabbed the darksaber and tossed it to her. When she ignited it, Madeline’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

“Is that- is that what I think it is?”

Magnolia moved it around a bit and showed it to her.

“The darksaber. Your clan knows it?”

“Every clan knows it. We left… eight or nine generations ago and we still know the stories. How did you get it?”

Maul looked the slightest bit sheepish.

“Maul challenged Pre Vizsla to single combat and won.”

Magnolia was proud of it. She didn’t agree with taking a life, but the late leader of Death Watch hadn’t been defenseless when it happened and he hadn’t been a good man either. What really mattered to her was the knowledge that Maul had done it for her and Savage.

“The Death Watch guy?”

“Yep. After he shoved us into some cells, we got out and Maul took care of him. He saved me and our brother.”

Thrash and Madeline gave him a respectful nod. They hadn’t expected anything good when Obi-Wan warned them who they’d be dealing with, but knowing what Maul would do for the two people he considered family vastly improved their opinion of him. With Maul’s nod of approval, Magnolia extended the darksaber to Madeline.

“Do you want to hold it?”

The beaming smile on her face as she took it made Thrash smile too. Maul tossed Magnolia’s lightsaber back to her and she ignited it. The deep orange light from the double bladed saber was an unfamiliar sight for Thrash, who was more used to the arctic blue glow when he used to see her on missions. He figured he’d have to ask a Jedi about it later.

The trooper and former Sith stepped back a few feet to give their companions plenty of space. Magnolia walked Madeline through some basic steps with the saber, letting her get a feel for it before showing her a simple defensive technique. They began a mock duel soon after, trading slow, smooth blows as Magnolia gave consistent encouragement. When they were both distracted by the return of Savage and the others, Madeline accidentally swiped the saber in Magnolia’s hands.

She jumped back and dropped it. As it hit the floor, the blade disappeared and the hilt crackled and smoked. Madeline shut off the darksaber a second later and let Maul drag it back to him with the Force. Magnolia dropped to her knees and carefully inspected the remains. Everyone stood back and watched silently as she picked through the wires and curved metal.

“Magnolia.”

“I think I can save some of it.”

The kyber crystal, bizarrely enough, was shattered in fragments, but hadn’t exploded like the mineral was known to. The little pile hardly looked like a lightsaber as she tried to find anything salvageable.

“I am so so sorry…”

Magnolia glanced up at the young woman. She was panicked and the guilt rolled off of her in waves.

“Don’t worry about it. Believe it or not, this was my fourth lightsaber. I’ve never lost one, but I get them destroyed more often than not.”

She gave Madeline a comforting smile. In the back of her mind, she thought it was good that it happened. An important part of her life was over and now that she was really starting anew in a world without overshadowing darkness or the expectations of being a padawan or hiding in the palace, it was only fitting that she would need a new lightsaber.

“I can worry about this later. For now, we have work to do.”

[padfootagain]

Stranded (III)

Part 3 : Dreams And Realities

You have asked for a part three… you have been heard. Here's part three, my lovelies! And as it's May the fourth today, I had to post something SW related to celebrate. May the Force be with you all.

I'm taking liberties concerning canon architectures but… I don't care at all.

I hope you all like it :)

Fluffy fluff and angsty angst haaaaa!! Did I make myself cry with this? YEP!

Gif not mine

Word Count : 4778

You were there again. In his dream. You, your eyes shining in the dim light, the clouds left by your breath drawing surreal patterns in the cold air, the way you looked at him… Tears in your eyes and yet he could read in this gaze the truth in the words you had just spoken. He could see you meant it. You did love him…

It was just the same moment playing over again and again. You were there, before him, in that cave. Just a few seconds later, and you would be kissing his lips and…

He washed the thought away with clear, cold water, before looking back at his reflection in the mirror.

He heaved a sigh, leaning against the sink in his personal room. He hadn't put on a shirt yet, instead, he was trying to shake the dreams off his eyes. For now, it wasn't much of a success.

His room was like any other Jedi room. A few personal belongings, a simple mattress, a desk and chair, a little more room to meditate, and a window that for him faced plain East. And as dawn burnt through the sky of Coruscant, the sun shed its first rays right into his chamber. At this hour, the light fell on a part of his bed. He could have asked for curtains to avoid being bothered by the sun every morning, but he actually enjoyed being woken up with the nearest star. It was a warm way to emerge from the dark slumber of dreams.

He looked down at the bandage that still encircled his abdomen, the light of the morning giving it a golden shade. He passed his palm against the sensitive wound, and felt a little sting cross his body. For some reason, he almost wanted to press his hand harder against the cut, he didn't know why. But he didn't. Instead, he let his hand fall in the water gathered in the sink while his eyes travelled to the waking planet before him. Some light remained alit in the highest towers, he could see them glimmer a little more than the rest of the orange sky. Speeders, Jedi shuttlebuses and other civilian transportations were already flying through the sleeping city. Others seemed to be early birds like Obi-Wan, after all.

But of all this beautiful scenery he had made a habit of admiring in the morning, he now couldn't see a single thing. Even the sky that was so particularly colourful that morning, Obi-Wan could barely notice any of its beauty. His mind was too unsettled.

What was he supposed to do?

You and he had come back from Hoth a few days before. He had spent a couple of days in bed, recovering from his wound, and had been allowed to walk around the temple on his own again only the day before. You had been more than busy with your duties as a Senator for your homeworld. But now that he was able to move around again, was he supposed to go and see you? Or should he give you time and space?

You had not talked again of that kiss… and the couple more that had followed. You were both too exhausted during the trip back to Coruscant to do anything but hold hand and sleep. And then, once you had landed, you were both taken into two different medical centres: you were taken to the Republic centre, and he was taken directly to the Jedi temple. And you had been apart ever since.

He heaved a tired sigh, and put more cold water on his face, washing away exhaustion and worry. Or at least… trying to do so.

The Jedi code was clear. The Jedi Order was his life. How could he even think about doing this? How could he even see you that way?

And yet he did. It wasn't the first time his feelings made him doubt himself and his place in the Order, but this time, it was different. He was not as young as he was the last time such doubts had shaken his reality. And yet, there he was…

He pushed the thought away. He had to face one problem at a time.

First, he needed to decide if he would go and see you. He reckoned that it was what he ought to do. The matter had to be discussed. It required a conversation and more importantly, a decision on what to do next. He couldn't simply act like nothing had happened. The two of you had basically confessed your true feelings for each other. He couldn't just run away from this.

For once though, he wished he could have simply run away. It would have been much simpler, to act like nothing had happened. If he took the decision by himself to stop it all, to forget about the whole ordeal, perhaps it could be enough. Oh, how less painful it would be…

But he wasn't that man. He couldn't abandon you. He loved you too much for that.

If indeed, you and he decided to stop seeing each other, if you both decided that it was better to act like nothing had happened, then it had to be a decision taken by both of you.

What other end was there to consider, besides bidding you farewell? He didn't even know.

He felt guilty for his next thought, but he couldn't help but wish… for another way to exist.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

 Obi-Wan had not left the Temple yet. He almost went in the upper levels of the Temple to find some tranquillity and meditate, but he didn’t. Instead, he took a walk through the gardens.

It was a peaceful place, but it was also much more buzzing with life than the meditation rooms. The sun was warm on his face, sun drops caught on the hair of his beard. Some younglings and padawan were training or chatting in different corners of the area covered with grass. Several knights seemed lost in a passionate debate on one of the benches. But all in all, there wasn’t so many people around at that time in the morning. After all, dawn was barely gone.

Obi-Wan walked through the dusty paths leading him towards the large fountain in the centre of the large gardens. Sun mingling with the droplets falling from the fountain drew tiny reflects full of colours, much like little rainbows.

Around the path, he passed before the green grass and the blooming bushes. Strange-looking flowers drenched in colours exploded in their blossom, and under any other circumstances, he would have enjoyed the sight before him. But his mind was too much troubled for that.

He walked for a moment in circles around the garden, but soon felt a tension through his wound, so he went to sit on the edge of the fountain instead. The water made the air a little cooler in that area, and he welcomed the breeze with a soothing sigh.

He had to go and see you, but how could he? It could be the end of it all, and actually, it ought to be. He would have enjoyed lingering for a little longer in a dream though.

He didn't hear his former Padawan approaching behind him. He didn't sense his presence either. It wasn't in his habit to be so distracted, and before he could even see his face clearly and the worries that made him frown, Anakin knew something was bothering his master. And he was far from stupid enough to be unaware of the cause for his friend's worry.

He sat by Obi-Wan's side on the edge of the fountain. The Jedi Master faked to not be surprised, but he wasn't very good at hiding his reaction.

"How are you feeling?" Anakin asked his friend, nodding towards his torso.

"Much better. Thank you. Still sore, but I'll soon be able to fight again."

"It's good to hear."

"Well, I don't really have a choice. Who else could keep you from getting killed or destroying the Temple?"

They exchanged an amused laugh, but Anakin here again was not fooled. He knew Obi-Wan better than he knew himself. There was something off in his laughter, something forced.

"Senator Y/L/N is safely at the Senate delivering her speech," Anakin spoke in a casual tone.

"She is right where she belongs."

Anakin studied his friend's behaviour for a moment. Obi-Wan was trying to remain stern and cold, but his former Padawan had learned to see through the knight's mask a long time ago.

"I wonder though… what happened in that cave exactly?"

"I already told you and the whole council what happened," Obi-Wan faked ignorance.

"Well… the official version, yes. What about the whole truth?"

"I didn't lie to you nor to the council, Anakin," Obi-Wan replied with a proud glint in his eyes, his stature taller all of a sudden.

"That's not what I meant," Anakin soothed his mind. "But you and the Senator were quite… close when Snips and I found you."

"It was unbelievably cold, in case you didn't notice," Obi-Wan defended himself, but the tip of his ears turned crimson.

"So… you were merely applying the basics of survival…"

"Indeed."

"And I guess this was also why you and the Senator were holding hands in the ship when we left."

Obi-Wan's cheekbones turned the same shade as his ears.

"We had both been through a very difficult time, Anakin. I was merely helping her to… feel safe."

"I see…"

But Anakin soon let out a chuckle.

"Well, you're lucky I'm not Master Yoda. In the future, you should learn to better work on your alibies."

"Anakin!"

But humour left his young friend's tone as he spoke once more, resting a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

"I am not judging you, Obi-Wan. She is one of a kind."

"This kind of feelings are forbidden in the Order."

"I never truly understood that rule."

"A Jedi must love all, not only one. It's the feeling of possession, the feeling of dependence that are to avoid. Your mind must be settled on all people, not only focused upon one being."

"But you said it yourself once, that these feelings are only natural."

"But the final decision must be the right one."

"So… you're going to remain sad and alone all your life, and condemn her to the same fate, just because you refuse to bend a rule?"

"I am not sad and alone. Neither is she. And the decision is not only mine to take, although I am certain that she sees things this way as well."

He was trying to defend himself, but in his heart, he lacked conviction as he spoke. The words came out but there wasn't emotion in them at all.

"If you do love her, then what difference does it make?" Anakin argued. "You speak about not focusing upon only one person… but if the situation was to present itself, and you had to choose between saving Senator Y/L/N and anyone else, wouldn't you make the choice to save her anyway? The fact that you may be with her or not… would it change anything? Wouldn't you do anything to save her anyway?"

Obi-Wan tried to find arguments to fire back, but he failed. He hated to admit it, but Anakin was right. He heaved a sigh.

"You are supposed to be the reckless one here, not the wise one," he merely replied with faked annoyance.

"What can I do? My Master taught me well."

"Too well, clearly."

"Have you talked to her yet?"

"How could I have done so? I was trapped in here. Remember the wound?"

"But now you can walk just fine."

"I was about to go see her before you arrived and kept me here, actually."

"Were you?"

"I was."

"You still didn't tell me what happened in that cave though."

The two men chuckled.

"Another time perhaps," Obi-Wan laughed as he stood, and he had a tender glance for Anakin, before turning on his heels and leaving the garden.

Anakin was right. Obi-Wan hated to admit it, but Anakin was right.

He hated it when Anakin was right like that…

 -------------------------------------------------

 You were back in your personal chambers, alone. Finally. The session of the morning had been a tensed one. Padmé had brought a lot of attention to herself in her plea to help neutral systems that suffered from Separatists embargo. You agreed with her, of course, but her direct phrasing had forced you to defend her often.

It was only the middle of the day, but you were already exhausted.

You couldn't solely blame your friend's reckless words though. Obi-Wan didn't seem willing to leave your thoughts…

You couldn't stop thinking about him. About what had happened in that cave. About the way he held you close, how his fingers felt around yours and… that kiss…

If you closed your eyes you could almost feel his lips on yours all over again.

You lifted up your eyelids again, blinded by the warm sun shining through the large window of your apartment.

Perhaps it was the feeling of his lips that lingered upon yours, or perhaps it was just the sun…

You should have gone to see him already, but you didn't dare. You were so deeply worried about him, you tried to find any piece of information about his health that you could. If news were reassuring, you still would have enjoyed to see it all by yourself. But you didn't dare.

You didn't want to compromise his status in the Order. And you didn't want to have this talk with him, the one that would have to take place whenever you would see each other face to face again. The one that would most certainly break your heart.

You already knew how he would go. He would be gentle and sad and he would mean every word of it.

He would explain how he meant it all that day, in that crevasse. How he did have feelings for you. But also that he was a Jedi, that he had responsibilities, duties, and that such feelings were forbidden. And he would always choose the Jedi Order over you, he had to. You knew it. The Order was his life, his family… it was him on so many levels. And you could never let him sacrifice such an important part of himself for you. You loved him too much for that.

You already knew perfectly how it would all go, so why suffer even more by hearing it for real? What was the point in that?

You walked onto your balcony, the sun even warmer outside. You watched the flying transports moving through the city, the sunlight glistening on the tall buildings, the lazy cumuli peacefully floating high in the sky…

And you closed your eyes just to feel him holding you again…

"Senator Y/L/N, there is a visitor to see you."

You didn't move a muscle, you didn't open your eyes, you didn't stop the memory from washing over you. Instead, you merely asked your protocol droid a very simple question.

"Who?"

But his answer had your eyes open wide.

"Master Kenobi is at the door. He asks to see you."

Your heart was suddenly pounding. Your palms were wet. Your throat tightened. You lost your gaze on the traffic again, but couldn't see anything but the blinding sun…

There was no way out though… it had to be done.

"Make him come in please, and then, leave us alone. And make sure we are not interrupted, please."

"Of course, Senator."

You heard the droid walking away. You heard the door closing. You guessed the quiet steps of the Jedi Knight too. But all the while, you kept your eyes on the city laying at your feet.

You were waiting for Obi-Wan to reach you, but it took longer than you had expected.

The reason was simple: the Jedi was standing before the glass door leading to the balcony that you had left open in your wake, and he was staring at you. His heart wore such a crazy pace, he was short of breath all of a sudden…

You were so beautiful like this, bathed in sunshine.

He took several seconds standing there, motionless, merely taking you in. Eventually, he did move onto the balcony and stood a couple of steps behind you in a respectful, chaste demeanour.

"How is your wound?" you asked in a voice you tried to prevent from shaking.

"Much better. Still a little sore, but… nothing that time and rest will not mend," he answered in a soft voice, but a blank tone.

"I'm glad to hear it. I was worried about you… I thought my favourite bodyguard had been broken."

"It takes more than a shaky landing and a snowstorm to get rid of me."

"I can see that."

You fell silent, and for a moment, Obi-Wan didn't really know what to say. He found himself uncomfortably at a loss for words all of a sudden. Unusual fact for him, he always was so prompt for sassy remarks as well as soothing wise words. But not this time. This time his mind was working as fast as it could but remained blank all the same.

But he didn't have to speak, you broke the heavy silence first.

"I know what you're going to say. I know it all already. But before you say it all, can you do one last thing for me?"

Your voice was calm. Soft. Soothing even. There was such a grace in your tone, something almost royal in the sternness that your voice wore.

"Of course," he merely answered. "Anything."

Finally, you turned to him.

He was lost in your eyes in a second. An instant was enough for you to capture his soul and heart all over again…

It was painful, the way he loved you. It was a weight on his heart that didn't seem to slow its crazy pace. It was a punch in the stomach that left him breathless. It was a fire coursing through his veins and leaving him endlessly burning and yet he had never felt more alive. It was this piercing truth shattering his heart and yet, he knew that no matter how this conversation would end, he would never regret loving you. Even if it meant losing a part of himself with leaving you, even if it meant breaking his heart, even if it meant dying a little… loving you was the best thing that had happened to him, and no matter how badly he would be hurt in the end, he would never regret this moment with you in this cave. And he would never stop loving you. Even if he could only love you from afar, his feelings would not falter.

He realized as you spoke again that barely a second had passed since your stare had caught his.

"Can you hold me? For just a moment?"

You sounded so fragile now. Your voice was shaking, a little more high-pitched than usual. He didn't say a word, and merely nodded and opened his arms for you.

You slipped in his embrace like you had been made to rest there. It felt so natural, so right… how could this be a bad thing, if it felt so right?

You wrapped your arms around him, losing one of your hands in his short hair and burying your face in his shoulder. He was holding you tightly again him, the same way he had on Hoth: a strange balance between a delicate embrace as if he was afraid to hurt you, and a tight hold that revealed how much he wanted you there, in his arms.

Your eyes just like his were closed. You breathed deeply his soft scent of candles and sun, memorizing everything all over again, just like you had in the cave. And he did the same.

For how long did the two of you remained like this, standing motionless in the sun? You had no idea. And he didn't know either. None of you could feel time flying by, this embrace was all that remained in the whole galaxy.

Eventually, you tightened your hold on him, lifting your chin just enough to bring your lips closer to his ear.

"Alright. Go ahead. Say it. Say it all…"

He cleared his throat before being able to speak again.

"How can you know what I want to say?" he asked back.

"Because I know you."

How could he argue with that statement?

"Y/N… I…"

It was his turn to tighten his hold on you and bury his face in the crook of your neck. But he did speak anyway.

"Y/N… what happened in that cave… I meant it. I really did mean it. All of it. I…"

He almost said the words, but couldn't.

"I do feel this way," he chose to speak instead.

Slowly, you nodded.

"I know, Obi."

He heaved a sigh, and detached his face from your neck, looking at you again. He raised his hand to cup your cheek, and you leaned into his touch.

It was exactly how you knew it would happen. First, he told you he meant it all. Then…

"I'm a Jedi, and you're… you're a Senator… We… we are not supposed to fall in love and be together. These things don't happen to people like us. We are supposed to live a lonely life while being surrounded with people."

… then he told you he was a Jedi and he couldn't be with you. And finally…

…finally he broke your heart.

He took a moment to collect his thoughts though. To gather the right words in his mind before speaking them. He needed to say it all the right way.

"I'm not allowed to love but I…"

He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes leaving yours to rest on your lips and jaw instead, and he seemed to change his mind. A small smile appeared on his features.

"Anakin told me something very wise earlier this morning. And I hate to admit it, but his logic was quite convincing."

He looked up at your eyes again, and this time, his stare didn't falter.

"I'm a Jedi and my duty lies in Peace. In protecting those who can't protect themselves. In the defence of the Republic and what it represents. It has been so all my life. But I can't do only that anymore. Not since I met you. No matter if we are together or not, my heart will always be beating for you, and I will always do whatever it takes to keep you safe. And by doing so… I'm already breaking my vow, in a way."

He took a sharp intake or breath, before speaking again.

"I am not the only one who has to take a decision, of course. And if you don't want me to stay, then I won't. If you don't want me to stay, I'll…"

You could see tears shining in his eyes as his voice broke. There was something desperate in his gaze, something passionate and yet calm. As if by taking a decision, he had found peace, but the confession stirred something inside him that he had never dared to act on until now. But there was so much truth in his eyes, and his hold on your cheek was such a tender caress and… you could barely breathe at all…

"If you don't want me to stay," he went on with a voice a little lower and deeper than usual, "I'll leave. I'll walk back to the Temple and leave you alone. And I won't try to see you again unless our duties call for our paths to cross once more. I'll go back to my room and in a few weeks, I'll leave for another world to fight while you are busy in the Senate. And our lives will go on unchanged and I will act as if nothing happened in that cave. Or…"

He paused for a second, moving his fingertips to rest in your hair, his thumb brushing across your cheekbone, making your heart pounding even more. You watched as he moved his head ever so slightly to the side, the sun caught in his hair and beard in a slightly different way through this angle, and you noticed every reflect of it. You were suspended to his words in such a way that you couldn’t move or speak or even think.

Because for now, all these words he had spoken, you were expecting them. But there was this 'or' that you had not foreseen, and all your crazy hopes relied on this single word. His voice a was little more fragile as he went on, a little more uncertain and yet you could see hope glimmer with the tears in his eyes now.

"Or you can ask me to stay and… I could stay for lunch. We could have a walk this afternoon and talk about your homeworld, and how Anakin drives me crazy, and the war, and peace. And when twilight arrives, we could have dinner together, and we could part for the evening with a little more than a 'good night'. And I could come back tomorrow and we could do that all over again. And on and on until I'm sent to the front again. And for a while we'll be apart, and I'll fight as a Jedi while you fight as a Senator, different battles but for the same goal. And once this war is over, and I am not as needed as I am now as a Jedi, and your duty as a Senator is over as well, perhaps we could… leave Coruscant for a while. Or forever."

You felt the tear run down your cheek but you were too shocked to react to it and brush it away. You tried to make sense of his words, but you weren't sure of their meaning yet. You had heard them, but could you believe them?

"You… Obi… You would leave the Order…?"

"When the war is over and the danger is passed and…"

But he interrupted himself, and merely nodded instead, running his finger through your hair.

"If you ask me to stay, I will."

"But it's your life! The Order is your life, you can't abandon it all! I can't let you throw it all away!"

"But you are my heart. I can't abandon it so easily either, can I? Unless… unless you don't want me to stay. And then I'll leave. I've made my choice by giving you this offer. But you have to choose as well. And whatever your choice might be, I will respect it."

You kept on staring at each other, but no words would pass your lips. Your fingers had gone numb with all the shock, resting on his shoulders but unable to hold on the fabric of his shirt anymore.

And you remained silent. For endless seconds, that turned into minutes, you were speechless and he was going mad…

He held you against him more tightly again, moving his lips towards your ear…

He wanted to ask you to tell him to stay. Just a few words that he wanted to ask so badly. He wanted you to choose him. He shouldn't, and guilt was a feeling he knew he would have to struggle with, but he loved you too much to act any differently. He just wanted to ask you to do one thing, one simple thing, just to stay…

Tell me to stay…

How he wanted to speak the words on the tip of his tongue. But he didn't.

Instead, he gave you a few more seconds, but you didn't make a sound. So, he closed his eyes as his heart shattered. Despite the pain, he didn't regret anything. It was worth all the pain.

He moved to drop a chaste peck on your temple, taking your silence for an answer, and he slowly released his hold on you.

"Farewell then, my love."

He took a step towards the door and away from you, turning around in a slow movement. But you didn't let him take another step. You took his hand in yours before he could move away again, and he turned to you once more.

"What about Koyo Melons for lunch then?"

You exchanged a bright grin.

And the next second, you were back in his arms and when you closed your eyes again, his lips weren't on yours in a dream, but in reality.

*********************

Taglist : @ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet @notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky @snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity @i-padfootblack-things @redhairedlady @yana-versio @goldenor5 @madamrogers

[just-whatever-ig]

I saw your post and I remembered that I as well have once written a thing about the first meeting between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Commander Cody. I wrote this back in Feburary and it’s actually a part of something bigger which means the main focus is not so close on the meeting itself.

I hope it's not too bad

Here you go:

Obi-Wan felt weird when facing his battalion for the first time in the Corouscant barracks. He felt weird looking into dozens of the same face. He felt weird about how they looked so much like his enemy and his instincts told him to draw his saber and fight it out. It felt weird how they all looked at him with their plain, white uniforms, all watching him with attentive eyes to receive their first orders.

"General", one of them with a slightly different helmet tucked under his arm than his brothers, stepped up to the Jedi, "The 212th Attack Battalion is prepared to march into battle, Sir. It is a great honor fighting by the side of a Jedi Master." - "At ease, soldier", Obi-Wan waved off, but the soldier didn't really seem to understand what Obi-Wan wanted from him, mostly because they already were at ease, but Obi-Wan didn't know that. He exchanged a puzzled look with one of his troopers who seemed just as confused.

"What is your name, soldier?", Obi-Wan asked - it was strange how they all looked exactly the same. It was normal for uniforms to make individuals into a broad mass, after all Jedi did the same with their earthy colored robes, but with a closer look the different species or faces made it easy to tell them apart. These just.... all looked the same. "My designation is CC-2224, Sir", he answered, “Clone Marshal Commander of the 212th Attack Battalion."

Obi-Wan felt annoyance rise in his chest. Not at his commander, of course, but at the Kaminoans and their insulting bluntness for not even trying to individualize their clones like they were some replaceable droids with numbers and programs. "Do you not have a name? Like mine is Obi-Wan Kenobi?" - "We have our ID codes, Sir." - "And nothing besides that?" - "No, Sir." - "You want to tell me that you never gave each other nicknames during training? Something to identify the others with?" The Commander hesitated for a moment confusion, uncertainty and contemplation vibrated in his force signature. Obi-Wan sighed, of course they had nicknames, but apparently the Commander didn't intend on sharing them - at least yet. "Only numbers, Sir", he said clearly.

This was not a matter to discuss first thing, after all Obi-Wan already had a deploy command at hand and they were on a schedule. "Well, CC-2224, I will have to settle with numbers, then. Are your men ready for departure?" - "Sir, yes, Sir!"

For a moment Obi-Wan wanted to snap at him and tell him to shut up with that stupid title, but he also knew that these people were his subordinates. This was not a simple Master-Padawan situation. This was the grand army of the republic. And Obi-Wan was a General now. Not that he particularly liked that title - like... at all - but he knew what came with it and his easy attachments to all the apprentices he had the luck to guide through a phase of their learning had no place in this war. "The cruiser we were assigned to is the Morning Dawn, I will meet you on board at 0930, that is enough time to get the battalion settled in. I expect you to be ready by then", he ordered. "Yes, Sir!", the commander nodded professionally but didn't move.

For a moment Obi-Wan thought he was just waiting a respectable second for possible other orders but that second drew out into more seconds until it was so awkwardly quiet in the room that Obi-Wan wanted to jump out of his skin. He had forgotten something. Something in the process of giving orders to clones had escaped his mind on the way from the military camp and the crash course in militaristic language (such as abbreviations or basic orders), a few days ago, to the barracks now. He felt terribly presented on a silver plate, everyone had their eyes glued on him, waiting for something Obi-Wan couldn't for the love to his life remember learning at any point.

The seconds crawled by as Obi-Wan went over the training again in his head trying to remember every step. He tried to recall the way that Colonel Botoon had instructed them. He knew that something was missing in his brain and it made him terribly self-conscious. The silence drew longer and longer until Obi-Wan realized that he had minimalized his breathing. "Do you need anything else, General?", the commander asked, his voice low to keep a little privacy but still so incredibly loud between the blank walls. "No, that would be all." - "Then it would be convenient to dismiss us, Sir." Embarrassment washed over Obi-Wan with a bright red flush on his cheeks that he was sure was seen by everyone in the room. "Of course", he said, "Dismissed", and he almost wanted to ounch himself in the gut. It was the most obvious term that anyone could have ever come up with. How did he not remember.

The commander nodded and turned to his battalion to distribute tasks and shout orders urging them to hurry. The group cleared itself out as clones plunged buckets on their heads leaving the room through various doors. Obi-Wan wanted to turn around and flee.

I know you have written prompts like when Plo and Wolffe first spar, but what would your two cents be on how their very first meeting would go?

So their actual first meeting went like this, but it wasn’t really a meeting as such.

“CC-3636 of the 104th Battalion reporting, sir,” the trooper snaps. He stands in a picture-perfect posture at attention, staring straight ahead, his helmet tucked under his left arm and balanced against his hip. He’s unreadable, his expression bland, and more interestingly his presence in the Force - his thoughts, his feelings, his mind - is carefully neutral despite the rolling variations and textures displayed by his men behind him. 

He doesn’t offer a hand, which makes Plo suspect he’s been forewarned about who he’s to work with. Plo folds his hands together and bows to him. 

“I am Plo Koon,” he says. “It is an honor to meet you. Please, be at ease.”

As one, the troopers step into a more relaxed position. The sound echoes in the hangar, catching Plo by surprise. Even after all this time, there’s something about the uniformity of the military that throws him. And with these men, it extends to their designations as well.

“Might I suggest we retire to more comfortable surroundings to speak?” he says.

“As you wish,” says the trooper. Plo turns to head towards his office, one of the only places he knows how to get to. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the trooper making a series of rapid hand signs before following, falling into step behind him. As soon as they clear the doors, the hangar breaks out in activity. 

Was he supposed to dismiss them? The more he thinks about this arrangement, the further out of his depth he feels. He’s not a soldier; in fact, he knows nearly nothing about military rules and regulations, never mind culture and customs. 

They walk in silence until they arrive at the secluded seating area. Plo gestures and the trooper takes the invitation to sit. He stares directly at Plo now, unwavering. 

“How do you prefer to be addressed?” Plo asks.

“Anything will do,” says the trooper. The lines around Plo’s eyes tighten.

“I mean no disrespect,” says Plo. “There is much I do not understand about your ways, but surely you have a preference.”

“My preference means nothing,” says the trooper. “My purpose is to serve the Republic. That is all that matters.”

A twinge of pain shoots through Plo’s chest. “It is difficult, perhaps impossible, for me to accept that as true.”

“Sir,” says the trooper. Now Plo winces. 

“Please don’t feel you need to stand on ceremony with me,” he says. “My name is perfectly suitable.”

“That would not be appropriate,” says the trooper. His eyes continue to bore into Plo, stone-faced, almost standoffish. “Sir.”

Definitely standoffish. Plo studies him and weighs his options. He doesn’t seem to be the kind of man to appreciate cowardice. Jango Fett’s presence on Kamino raises the likelihood these men know something of Mandalorian culture. If that is the case, retreat now virtually guarantees he will never earn this man’s respect, which will make for a very long acquaintanceship indeed. So he meets the trooper’s gaze evenly, without challenge or hesitation, and waits for him to make the next move. A moment passes, then two, and then the trooper’s lip twitches. Plo can’t decide if it’s a sign of approval or a threat.

“Battalion Commander Wolffe,” he says at last, his voice betraying the barest hint of pride. “By name or rank will do.”

Fascinating. Plo dips his head. “It is an honor to meet you, Commander,” he says. Something tells him he hasn’t earned the name yet. It would be too familiar. “I hope I meet your expectations.”

The Commander’s stare says clearly what his voice does not: we will see.

[prixmiumarchive]

Rules: Answer these 10 Star Wars-related questions and tag your favorite Reylo blogs to join in!

Tagging: I have literally no idea which of my followers do more than just tolerate my Reylo shipping so I will leave it to you if you want to tag me. (I know morethanprinceofcats and huntingwendigos blog about Star Wars some but I’m not gonna @ you directly because I feel like maybe the frustrations are strong with these ones. <3) I’m not a real reylo blogger (yet?) until I contribute something, but thank you so much for tagging me @benperorsolo!

1) Who is your favorite Star Wars character of the new trilogy? (excluding Rey and Kylo)

Finn!!! I just love how gentle he wants to be, and him saying “Rebel Scum” was one of the most attractive moments in cinematic history according to every possible definition of the word “attractive.”

2) If you had a lightsaber what color would it be?

Honestly, I really like the color red and it’s disappointing to me that it is almost universally associated with evil in this context. When I was younger and used to play with an even younger cousin with his plastic lightsabers in the yard, I seem to vaguely remember using Yoda’s lightsaber a lot.

3) What is/are your favorite quote(s) from a Star Wars movie?

It breaks my heart, but “So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause,” from Padme in Episode III came to me at a time when it became something of a formative rallying cry in the back of my mind for what to be forewarned against.

“Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life. So you might say that we are encouraged to love,” from Anakin in Episode II also wrecked my teenage self and made me ship Anidala so much that it was my Life for a while. I also think that it’s just a really interesting take on the intersection of certain unfair mandates that get placed on religious orders, a person’s genuine effort and belief, and human emotional need and impulse.

When Rey sighed and said “Lifting rocks,” toward the end of Episode VIII I almost lost it.

“That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate; saving what we love,” from Rose in TLJ as well. This is one of those things that will stick with me and inspire my thinking in the future. It also feels like something I definitely want in the narratives I enjoy on a thematic level.

4) Do you think Kylo/Ben will survive episode IX?

I think literally the only way he dies is if Rey is already pregnant with another Skywalker baby because, like, I don’t think they’re going to kill off the entire Skywalker bloodline... (And I don’t think that will be their solution.)

Also, if Ben died for atonement, it would basically mean that Episode IX is literally the same movie as Episode VI. They wouldn’t have had any narrative progression at all from what happened to topple the Galactic Empire (which might have helped but didn’t stick) to what happens to topple the First Order.

5) What are your top 3 favorite Star Wars films?

This might even be different from the last time I made this list, but I think:

VI: The Return of the Jedi VIII: The Last Jedi II: Attack of the Clones

6) Which droid would you most like to own/have as your sidekick on intergalactic adventures?

R2-D2. I’ve always thought he was cute and the fact that he is apparently a sailor-mouthed sass machine in a way we can’t understand appeals to me. Also durable AF apparently.

7) Which Jedi master would you most like to train under: Luke, Yoda, Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan because I kind of have a crush on him and would listen very attentively.

8) What is your favorite scene featuring Rey and Kylo?

That moment of release of tension when Kylo kills Snoke and Rey stands up and is staring at him. Like, she clearly thought this was how this was going to go and then had all this doubt, and the sort of stunned relief on her face makes me breathe. That whole scene is wonderful and intense. Her hand on his hip was fantastic and super-convincing as someone who was on the fence about the shipping part going in. And even the absolutely heartbreaking part is beautifully performed and interesting.

9) What order did you initially see the saga films in?

So it happened like this. I knew what Star Wars but only in the dimmest of ways throughout my childhood. I was aware that Episode I had come out, but at the time I didn’t go out very much. My neighbor friend’s grandfather was really into it, though, so she was really into the Padme aesthetic and young woman in power thing, so she wanted to LARP at it when I went over to play. I saw bits and pieces of the movie but carefully curated to her interests. I was utterly baffled by her giggling as if it were a sensual taboo that someday Anakin and Padme were gonna get married and make babies because I had absolutely no clue why she knew this or insisted about it. (We were like 9 to make this less creepy.)

Few years later, my cousin who had three kids and was really struggling at the time came over and offered to take me with her and her eldest son to see Episode III because she had managed to procure babysitting for the younger two. It was an opportunity to spend time with someone who could hold a mature conversation and to get me out of the house. I was home-schooled at the time and only a teenager, but she made do. So basically, the first Star Wars movie I ever sat through was Episode III. By that time, the internet had filled me in a bit more about what Star Wars was, but I was still almost lost, but the tragedy of it all drew me in.

I went to Walmart and bought the trilogies on layaway (which was still a thing) -- prequels first, then a boxed set of the original -- and watched them. I fell in love with Episode II especially and it was a good eighteen months of my adolescence. I was into the Original Trilogy, but the Prequel Trilogy had my heart. I’d watch them on a sort of slow loop but watch Episode II far more than any of the rest. 

I got out of Star Wars for a few years because of real life things and other interests. I went to see TFA with my best friend and I was passively interested enough to see TLJ when it came out. Then I finally saw TLJ and feel mildly hyped about Star Wars again for the first time in a decade.

10) What is your ideal ending for Reylo in Episode IX?

I really like the Force Connection, and I want them to find that no matter what they do it cannot be fully severed. I don’t know exactly how, but I want that to be a part of the plot. Snoke believed he was responsible for it, but it lingered after his death, so that was clearly an arrogant misconception on his part.

As far as an ending goes in terms of relationship arc, I would like it if we kind of have an inverse scene to the throne room scene where clearly our heroes would probably not be as slimy as Snoke but basically that Rey gets to insist to the Resistance that they spare him in spite of Leia and in spite of everything. Then i want him to have an opportunity to prove her right.

[astudyinimagination]

Obi-Wan Kenobi, meet Mara Jade

Here it is! Here it is!

The first installment of the “Obi-Wan adopts Mara” AU!

This will go up on FFN and AO3 later. Please let me know what you think!

Once a year, Obi-Wan Kenobi rented a speeder and travelled to Mos Eisley on a special errand. Bail Organa would put money into an account for “Ben Antilles,” and Obi-Wan would withdraw just enough to see him through the year. In the past ten years since he’d arrived on-planet, these outings had never been very eventful. Tatooine, for all its harshness, was a planet which was dependable in that harshness, the vices of criminals and the tyranny of Hutts as steady and unending as the desert itself.

No wonder Anakin had hated it.

This year, however… as he stepped out of Mos Eisley’s one bank, he heard the outraged shrieks of a young girl and the curses of grown men—noises that, heard together, never boded well.

Slinging his sack over his shoulder, he hurried towards the source of the commotion. A human man and a Weequay were trying to subdue one small girl, too small to be even a young teenager. The child, pale and redheaded, was putting up a good fight, twisting and punching and kicking and even biting when the opportunity arose, and Obi-Wan saw signs of basic combat training in her moves. More than that… heavens above, she was a shining beacon in the Force!

Nevertheless, she was only a child, and Tatooine was not kind to lone children.

He drew close and raised his voice. “Excuse me, gentlemen,” he said in a reasonable tone and an Outer Rim accent. “Would you mind unhanding my daughter?”

The three combatants froze, although the girl blessedly caught on quickly enough and cried out, “Papa!”

“This your brat, mister?” the human snarled, giving the girl a shake.

“She’s my daughter,” Obi-Wan said with a calm he no longer felt. There was real fear in the girl’s wide green eyes, and it tugged at his weary heart. “Be so kind as to let her go.”

“Your brat’s a thief,” the Weequay spat. “Tried to snatch my pal’s wallet. We have ways around here of dealing with little thieves.”

The girl’s fear and panic in the Force spiked, and that did it.

Obi-Wan moved.

A decade in the desert hadn’t stolen from his body a lifetime of rigorous training and even more rigorous battle. He punched the human hard in the face and at the same time was already moving to deliver a kick to the Weequay’s stomach. Howling, both men let go of the child, and she darted forward. Obi-Wan then kicked the human down and gave the Weequay a punch that also sent him to the ground, then spun around, grabbed the girl’s hand, and ran, initially dragging her until she decided to stop fighting him and move with the flow. The pair behind them shouted in pain and outrage, and, soon enough, Obi-Wan and the girl were dodging blaster bolts.

“Where are we going?” shouted the girl, her accent now Coruscanti rather than Rim, and Obi-Wan nearly halted in shock. It had been a long time since he’d heard that accent.

Obi-Wan said nothing, merely nodded at the speeder ahead of them. As they reached it, he hauled her bodily into the craft, ignoring her indignant shout, and clambered into it, ducking again as a blaster bolt nearly singed his hair. He revved the engine, hoping that the blasterfire would not damage the rental, and shot the speeder forward, doing his best to weave around traffic without hitting anyone. “Blast,” he gritted out. Get-away flying wasn’t his expertise—that had always been Anakin’s. He did his best to ignore the pang in his chest as he concentrated on flying.

“I think you lost them!” the girl called after half a minute.

“Perhaps, but best to get out of the city before we let our guard down,” Obi-Wan told her. The green eyes widened at his own Coruscanti accent surfacing, but she didn’t comment on it. The next moment, he felt her presence in the Force wink out of existence, and blinked—those were some very powerful mental shields she was employing. She had had training—who had trained her?! Most Jedi initiates wouldn’t have been able to shield like that at her age, which he thought must be around ten.

Around the age Anakin had been when Obi-Wan had first met him.

As luck would have it, however, they cleared Mos Eisley in another minute without any sign of pursuit, and Obi-Wan decided that the danger was indeed over. He slowed the speeder a little and looked over at his young companion. “I do believe we’re in the clear,” he said dryly, hoping to get a smile out of her.

There was a flash of one, and then apprehension stole over her delicate features. “Thanks for helping me,” she said softly.

“My pleasure,” Obi-Wan assured her gently. “My name is Ben; what’s yours?”

“...Celina.” She grimaced as she realized how unconvincing she sounded.

Obi-Wan smiled. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, ‘Celina.’ Might I ask what a Core girl is doing out here on the Outer Rim alone? You are alone, I take it?”

“...yeah.” She frowned. “Well, what about you? You’re from the Core, too.”

“Retirement.”

She snorted. “Who retires to a place like this?”

“Perhaps,” he said slowly, carefully, watching her, “a person who, much like a child showing up alone on the same planet, does not wish to be found.”

She went silent, eyeing him suspiciously past the red-gold hair flying around her face. At last, she said, “Where are you taking me?”

“Back to my home, if you don’t mind. I don’t know where else to take a runaway child; Tatooine doesn’t exactly possess child services. I can give you a decent meal and, more importantly on this planet, some water.”

“And after that?”

He sighed. “Let’s see how supper goes, shall we?”

She frowned heavily, then her face cleared slightly. “I don’t… I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.”

“You’re a young child wandering alone who has been picked up by a man you don’t know,” he said reasonably. “You should be suspicious.”

“But you want me to trust you.”

“I hope that you will. Enough to tell me what you are doing with yourself so that I can help you.” Enough to tell me how you learned to use the Force.

She turned away to watch sienna and beige-streaked stone pass by them. “We’ll see.”

[readyaiminquire]

Hippies, communes, Star Wars, and the future.

While I am duct-taping my life back together after Christmas and New Year - and with a to-do list longer than a Leonard Cohen song - I wanted to do a quick-fire piece to bridge things over while I am completing the next part of my Microchipping series. Enjoy!

I’ve also endeavoured to keep spoilers to a minimum - but read at your own risk all the same.

An old man hangs from a mechanical arm, controlling him like a puppeteer in his underground lair. His eyes are white, faded, clearly dead. Before him, our two heroes lie, burned by the lightning shot out of the Emperor's hands. He cackles at them, as he realises he no longer needs to convert either of them to the dark side - he no longer needs to steal one of their bodies to continue his maniacal reign. No, he announces, with a bond between them so rare and so strong, he can corrupt that power, and fully restore himself. He can circumvent what the mechanical puppet-arm only succeeded to do as pathetic imitation. With such a rarity, he can bend nature to his will. 

He will corrupt it.

This is at least how I remember one of the scenes at the climax of Star Wars: Rise of the Skywalker. I finally had the opportunity to watch it over Christmas, and it left me with a lot of question - many of which I shan't air here. Nonetheless, after speaking to family and friends about it, one recurring comment (again, among many that I will not mention here) is the perceived absurdity of the story itself. It came across as ridiculous, a rehash, absurd, or as simply uninteresting. A part of me was inclined to agree - where had I seen, read, heard this story in the past? Was it the original trilogy? Probably, after all, several story beats are clearly the same - but there is more to it.

This is when I realised; it was literally a story from a different era. A different time. It was, in many ways, based on the same foundation as the original trilogy, and this foundation was and remains a very particular product of its time. In essence, the story is a conflict between those using technology to as a means of controlling what is around them, to get further from 'Nature' (to ‘transcend’ nature, if you will) and through this control it; and those who seek to use technology and innovation as a means to get closer to nature. The Sith and Jedi very clearly embody this dichotomy, something made clear in the scene I outlined above: machines (implied to be an unnatural and pathetic imitation of life) versus using the very rare, special, and most important ‘natural’ bond between our two heroes as a resource to 'fix' the Emperor's predicament.

The concept of using technology to control, reshape, or otherwise 'change' what we perceive to be the natural order around us is not particularly novel today. However, the idea of using technology - something often imagined as being squarely in the realm of the man-made, and therefore 'unnatural' by definition - might be a bit tougher to grasp. It's important to appreciate that the Jedi and their allies are not Luddites. There's no rejection of technology here - after all the light sabre is still pretty damned advanced. However, structuring the Jedi order and their subsequent duties, aims, rules, and so on as a monastic order is exactly the point. They do not reject technology, as long as it furthers their understanding of what 'becoming one with the Force' means. Summed up by Obi-Wan, when referring to the light sabre, "a more elegant weapon for a more civilised time" - The mass-production and industralisation of conflict surely horrified him.

The original Star Wars trilogy was very much conceived in a time when this particular perspective was not only emergent but was beginning to take deep hold of a particular scene on the West Coast of the US. In his book From Counter Culture to Cyberculture Fred Turner outlines how today's ideas around technology as something fundamentally and inherently liberating, developed - perhaps most clearly seen in what other scholars have called "the Silicon Valley ideology". Perhaps surprising, in the 1960s, the computer (though but a distant great-great-great-something grandfather of what we use today) was understood as something far more oppressive. During the 1960s Berkeley student protests, for example, students wore punch cards around their necks to signify how they were nothing more than a cog in an ever-growing machine, one which forced them to do whatever the wider system demanded. The development of the computer was heralded as a new stage of bureaucratic centralisation, one which struck fear into the hearts of these young students, a new dawn of mechanisation (or digitalisation) that would crush their dreams.

With the emergence of the 1960s and 1970s countercultural movements - in particular, the hippies - an ideology of 'returning to nature' began taking root. The enemy, if you will, remained centralised bureaucratic power. This sparked the founding of many, many communes in what was understood to be untouched land, with the express purpose of reforming society, from scratch. It was among these communalists that the liberating potential of technological innovation first found fertile soil. The use of new structures and materials (famously, the geodesic dome), simple computers (something as basic as calculators), mixed with the ideas and ideals of writers like Buckminster Fuller, systems thinking, and likely a shedload of LSD, all that was needed was something to tie all of this together - the Whole Earth Catalogue. Though I won't go into details of WEC here (it's a really interesting story, though!), suffice it to say that the Catalogue functioned like a proto-social networking tool which mixed all of the above ideas, with ads for buying the latest tech or tool for these communards. It, in effect, tied together the fabric into what can be largely understood as a movement (or network forum; see my text here for more detail).

The point is, these hippies eventually returned to California - and in particular the Bay Area - as these communes failed one by one and brought these ideas back with them. Doing some historical compression, these ideas spread throughout this particular social strata, allowing a whole new positive and liberating view of technology to take hold. Suddenly, computers and the technology of the future would not enslave us under the yoke of technocratic oppression, it would emancipate us in ways we could never even imagine - some even imagined it would usher in a new era of post-humans: humans, but more.

In George Lucas' original Trilogy, it becomes very clear why this Sith-Jedi dichotomy remains so strong: thematically it ties into the whole debate and ideology outlined above. And in 1977 it was still very much a debate, technology was still by our standards deeply rudimentary. After all, the questions remained in the air, and it is clear what side Lucas stood on. After all, one side uses technology to oppress a whole galaxy, committing genocide, and forcefully enslaving just about anything that isn't them. The Empire also drew strongly on Nazi imagery. The Rebels, though no Luddites, use technology as a means of liberation; as a path to awaken the connection between people (of all races, species, etc.), to bring us closer to one another. In Episode VI, with the help of teddy bears in a redwood forest, they not only destroy the Imperial Forces, but they allow the Jedi as an order to reemerge - Isn't this a large signposting for nature reclaiming its central position, signalling to the Empire that it cannot win (and by extension invoking ideas of the ‘”noble savage” is even less surprising)?

The problem with this is, of course, that the world has moved on. As far as technology and innovation goes, the techno-utopian ideology of Silicon Valley has largely won out, and as a result, the concern of technology vis-à-vis nature or society has shifted. We are now more afraid of algorithms tracking our movement or usage, the gathering and sale of personal data, the influence and manipulation that automated systems might mete out. The current top-of-mind concern is not that technology will bring back goose-stepping soldiers in black leather trenchcoats, but that it will oppress us through very different means - and perhaps even oppress us without our noticing, until it is too late (assuming we might realise at all). The popularity of shows like Black Mirror very clearly show an understanding of what within the current popular discourse around technology concerns us.

Instead, Rise of the Skywalker very much returned to the old approach, that of violently oppressive technology versus a more humanising technology. This debate is in many ways dated, it doesn't connect within the current cultural imagination and instead alienates its audience. Good fantasy and sci-fi holds up some sort of mirror to society, critiques it in some way or another (and some more subtly than others) - Rise of the Skywalker and in many ways the rest of the 'new' trilogy holds up a mirror to what society was, and signals to us that it is still very much stuck in 1983.

Selected References

Delfanti, A. 2013. Biohackers: The Politics of Open Science, Pluto Press.

Haraway, D. 2014. Anthropocene, Capitalocene, Chthulucene: Staying with the Trouble. Anthropocene: Arts of Living on a Damaged Planet (Presentation)

Turner, F. 2008. From Counterculture to Cyberculture: Stewart Brand, the Whole Earth Network, and the rise of digital utopianism. University of Chicago Press.

[shadowsong26fic]

Another Random AU Because Why Not

A couple months ago, I outlined a Heralds of Valdemar crossover/fusion/AU (which I’ve done some more Pondering on since then because it’s fun/hilarious). And then I did the Rabbit Hole AU, which was even more hilarious/fun.

Anyway, now that I’ve plugged my previous crack AUs, as you do, I have decided to outline another one! And for Reasons, it’s #10 on my List of Things I’ll Never Actually Write.

::ahem::

Without further ado, I present to you: Bail Organa Unfucks the Timeline

So, point the first (and this is an important one): Bail doesn’t know how he died.

I mean, he kiiiiiiiinda does? Like, the thought occurs (once he has a second to think, which takes a while, as we’ll see shortly). He knows what happened to Jedha, and possibly to Scarrif (which I can’t spell). But at the same time, there’s this sort of denial aspect to it. Like--even Tarkin would never.

(Also, he didn’t actually see the Death Star. He was not near a window/on the wrong side of the planet/something.)

So, he decides he had a stroke or something.

Point the second (also important): That whole ‘inform the Senate that all aboard were killed’ message? Never reached him. Because a) Alderaan had no actual Senator in place on Coruscant/Imperial Center/whatever the cool kids are calling it these days at the time to hear said message, and b) the Senate was dissolved like five minutes later so whichever of his friends drew the short straw on that one got a wee bit distracted.

All clear? Good! On to the fun stuff.

So, one minute, Bail is in his study, going over maps or supply routes or other war-preparation-y things with a trusted aide, and the next, he’s back on Christophsis.

More specifically, he is being tackled to one side by someone yelling “GET DOWN, SIR” just as something explodes over his head.

Which leads to: wait why is a stormtrooper tackling me wait how did a stormtrooper get into my study wait that helmet is twenty years out of date wait how did I get outside wait why is the sky the wrong color WAIT WHY IS THE SKY ON FIRE

Bail needs a minute.

And a drink.

(Why is he even on Christophsis while the sky is on fire? Is there actual canon explaining this? Do I care? ...probably not.)

In the interests of not, y’know, dying, Bail decides to just run with it for a while, until he has some breathing room and can figure out wtf is going on.

Bail is a very smart man.

Eventually, he gets his five minutes and comes to the conclusion that nope, this is not a dream, I am apparently back in the past, the War is in its early days. I can, quite possibly, fix things. Stop Palpatine. Save the Republic/Galaxy.

This seems like an excellent plan.

(NB: He is aware that doing this means losing his daughter--or at least his relationship with her/her as he raised her. And a part of him will always wish that...a part of him will always mourn her, and that world/life he lost. But this is the one thing that is worth that sacrifice. Plus, if he missed this chance, the Leia he raised would never forgive him. So a part of him is doing this for her. Giving her the galaxy she deserves, despite how much it costs him.)

The question then becomes...well, how?

He eventually decides to focus his work on the Senate, and try to limit Palpatine’s expansion/power/ascent as much--and as subtly--as he can.

Subtly because, well, he would very much like to not get caught and killed.

Not getting killed also seems like an excellent plan.

Also, pretty much no one is on to Palps yet. I mean, yeah, there are people side-eyeing him a little bit for holding on to/accumulating power the way he does, but what Chancellor hasn’t been accused of such things? And it’s not...it’s not like it will be two and a half/three years from now. And Bail cannot afford to alienate allies he will need later, depending on how successful he is/how long this takes.

Bail has been doing this for a while. He is not taking his success for granted. He is covering all his bases, just in case.

Fortunately, Bail has twenty years of running an underground resistance under his belt. This? This, he can do.

There are other problems too, of course. Like...the War is an actual thing that still needs to be resolved. But there’s not much Bail can personally do about it, not while Palpatine and Dooku are, between the two of them, derailing any attempts at negotiation. Apart from, of course, careful Senate maneuvering to remove Palps from power.

(He’ll figure out a way to deal with Dooku/Grievous/Etc. later. One problem at a time.)

Next question--who does he read in on all of this?

Breha, of course--she is his wife, and his partner. He needs her beside/behind him. Plus, it’s not exactly fair to her, to keep her in the dark about this. She’ll be expecting the husband she knows to come home to her, not a man made...let’s say incredibly cautious by twenty years of, essentially, espionage. To say nothing of the fact that he raised a child, and they’re still--trying. There’s a lot of emotional baggage there, too. They’ll make it work, somehow, he knows they will--but she needs to know. She deserves the truth from him, no matter how hard it is for him to explain/how hard it is for her to hear.

(Look, I have a lot of FEELINGS about Bail and Breha’s relationship. Even though I kind of ship him and Obi-Wan [for which I mostly blame Reprise, despite the fact that said fic doesn’t actually ship them], if I ever wrote something with the two of them together [as I might in this fic, and sort of am in one other though that one it may never actually come up on page], it would be with Breha’s full knowledge and consent. ...end random tangent, sorry.)

As for everyone else...he decides to wait and see, feeling people out as likely possibilities. Just like he and Mon did for twenty years, building the Alliance. Only this time, the barometer is more “who will believe me” as opposed to “who won’t betray me.”

(He’s aware that Obi-Wan and Padme should be pretty high up on that list but--hell, where does he even start?)

(He decides to shelve that problem for now. He’ll tell them when the time is right. ...hopefully, he’ll know when that time arrives.)

And now, the moment I’m sure you’ve been waiting for--how do we approach the whole Darth Vader issue?

You thought I’d forgotten about it, didn’t you.

(I didn’t.)

(Neither did Bail)

Okay, so, the problem, as he sees it, is that he’s...not exactly in a position to intervene.

He had no real personal connection with Anakin the first time around.

Sure, they worked together on occasion, and their relationship was certainly cordial when they did, and of course they had a mutual friend or two, but all their interactions were fairly distant/professional.

Besides, while he can extrapolate/guess a fair amount of what happened (and, more important, how/why it happened), he has no actual knowledge/frame of reference for how accurate his guesses are. (Because, LBR, even Obi-Wan might not know the full story, though he’s at least guessed almost all of it, and even if he did, he wasn’t exactly talking about it in the five minutes they were working out what to do with the twins, etc.) And if he’s wrong, he might well make things worse.

The second problem is that he has no idea how he’ll feel about/react to meeting Anakin again, given that basically the only real context he has here is the future he lived and is now trying to avert. He figures there’s two ways its likely to go:

Option one, nightmare scenario: He meets General Skywalker, and all he sees is Vader. This is...nooooot exactly very productive/conducive to him getting done what he needs to get done. In this case, Bail will avoid him as much as possible, and try to find a way to tip off Padme and/or Obi-Wan.

Option two, acceptable scenario: He meets General Skywalker, and there is a total disconnect between the person he is now and the monster he could become (did become? might become? time travel is weird). In this case, Bail will keep things more or less as they were last time; and focus on derailing Palpatine and fixing the problems in the Senate, and hope that that makes a difference.

And he’ll try to find a way to tip off Obi-Wan and/or Padme. Bail ain’t stupid.

Of course, there are two major factors here that Bail hasn’t considered.

For starters, he’d forgotten how young Anakin was.

True, some of the other Jedi Generals weren’t all that much older (to say nothing of the Padawan Commanders), and he knows there were too-young soldiers in the Alliance, too, but at the same time...

It hadn’t stuck out to him all that much the first time--maybe because it, unfortunately, wasn’t unusual/was just How Things Worked, and his personal context had been of course different, as he’d been significantly younger himself. But, despite that and the continued youth of the Rebellion... Look, dropping back into the GAR now, and seeing this twenty-year-old kid put in these situations is another thing entirely when one is on the far side of sixty (mentally, at least) and all too recently had a child his age.

ON A RELATED NOTE, major factor the second: Bail hadn’t realized just how much like Leia Anakin was.

So, when they finally do meet, Bail starts noticing all kinds of little details--a certain insouciant little smirk, a particular defiant lift to his chin, a familiar inability (equal parts endearing, alarming, and incredibly frustrating) to keep from mouthing off...

So...all of this basically means that, when Bail encounters Anakin, every instinctive Papa Wolf fiber of his being says, “This is my child now. Fight me.”

(well, not so much “fight me.”)

(Bail isn’t really a “fight me” sort of dude.)

(But you get the point.)

So now, Bail has to add ‘bond with Anakin Skywalker and help keep him sane’ to his increasingly-daunting to-do list.

This actually turns out to be...not as difficult as he expected?

(the first half, anyway)

Because, yeah, there’s a bit of a shaky start because Anakin Does Not Like politicians

(unless they’re from Naboo)

(and their name starts with Pa)

But once he works his way past that, it’s--Anakin likes having friends, he wants to like people, and he wants people to like him. Making Friends not his superpower, like it is with Luke, but it’s actually pretty easy to win his affection and respect, if you just reach out to him a little.

(thinking of that one meta post that was going around a couple days ago, about the bit with Ki-Adi Mundi at the Second Battle of Geonosis, talking about how--you know Another Friend in the Order, and then Obi-Wan says it’s a rare thing and look at how it wasn’t actually that hard for Mundi and--anyway, that sort of thing, y’know?)

So, Bail reaches out, and makes friends.

(Good Lord, he thinks, does this kid need a dad. Obi-Wan was that, and did very well, for a while at least, but he’s too thoroughly made the transition to ‘brother’ since the war started and Anakin was Knighted to fill that need.)

(You know what else he needs? is the next thought, as Anakin runs off into unnecessary danger AGAIN. A goddamn leash.)

So, we’re still pretty early in the War, and things start to shift a little bit.

Only a little bit, and fairly subtle. Bail is, after all, used to playing a long game with limited resources and everything to lose.

He worries, sometimes, that he’s moving too slowly in the Senate, but it’s such a delicate balance, if he upsets it...

But he is making progress. ...glacial, minuscule progress, but the galaxy is on a somewhat better path this time around. Palpatine finds things just a little bit harder this time around. Maybe that’ll be enough, and all the little changes will add up. That’s what Bail’s hoping for.

Unfortunately, this is Palpatine, and he has backup plans for his backup plans, and is course-correcting rather nicely.

Fortunately, that means Bail isn’t quite annoying enough to get offed.

Bail is also gradually working people into his network. Mon and Bel Iblis, to start; a few others. He decides against telling anyone he’s from the future. Compartmentalizing is better. Safer.

He involves Padme, too, of course; while he’s still not quite ready/able to approach telling her the full truth (though he knows he can’t get away with half-measures like he can with the others), her support is invaluable. He’s keeping track of what she notices and when, with regard to Palpatine’s machinations. While she is starting to waver a little, she still mostly trusts her former adviser; and Bail knows that she’ll have to decide not to on her own. All he can do is nudge her in the right direction, when he has the opportunity to do so.

He’s also gathering evidence, so that when he finally makes a bold, public strike, he’ll be able to back it up and the Republic will survive the blow to morale and the power vacuum that will inevitably ensue.

Anakin, actually, becomes a bigger change. Because while Bail has become an expert in slow, subtle progress that you don’t notice until it punches you in the face five years later, Anakin is....not.

Also, this is, like, the best year of his life. Even in the original timeline. He has a job he’s good at, he has his wife, he has his brother, he has his sister, he (at least thinks) he has a father figure in Palpatine...

And this time, he also has Bail.

Which means a confidant outside the Order, who is Not Palptaine. Who is, in fact, a very good counterweight for Palpatine because they’re both playing on the same emotional needs.

But Bail, of course, actually genuinely has Anakin’s best interests at heart.

So, Palpatine is starting to notice that Anakin is...worryingly stable. That will never do.

So, he pushes a little bit harder than he did, this early on, in the other timeline.

Not enough to make Anakin notice, of course.

(Smart as he is, Anakin is also really really dumb about some things)

But enough that when someone finally points out that, hey, Palpatine is sort of sketchy, he won’t be quite as resistant to the notion.

Because he feels--unsettled, more often than not, after meeting with Palpatine. And he tells himself it’s just because of the problems the Chancellor is pointing out to him. He convinces himself that’s all, but each time--it’s maybe just a tiny bit harder to believe.

(Strangely enough, although sometimes he and Senator Organa talk about similar things--his issues with the Council, etc.--he never leaves those conversations feeling like this...)

All of this comes to a head--oh, we’ll say about a year later.

Not much has really changed (at least in the parts of the story we, the audience, see) other than Bail is a little more integrated/involved with Our Heroes than in canon. Basically, it’s not just Padme he follows down to the docks with a sidearm to keep her from getting herself killed.

(Side note: he also would very much like to take Ahsoka home and just keep her. BAIL ORGANA IS ADOPTING ALL OF THESE KIDS AND KEEPING THEM SAFE FROM PALPATINE AND HIS SCHEMES, OKAY.)

Anyway. Bail eventually comes forward and tells Anakin--pretty much everything.

This occurs under suitably melodramatic circumstances--i.e., Anakin was playing security/escort for something Bail was doing, and they crash and are stranded together for a few days, or something. Because while Bail is like the chillest dude ever, Anakin attracts more than enough Drama to make up for that.

He’s like a Melodrama Magnet.

Also, them being stranded means Anakin can’t ragequit the conversation, losing all the ground Bail has gained over the last year.

This covers a lot of ground--even though Bail tries to stick to just what he knows is true.

But this is damning enough.

But Anakin needs to know.

“I’m doing this,” he says, “for our daughter.”

“Our daughter,” Anakin repeats.

And then Bail tells him about her. All the things he’s wanted to say this whole year but couldn’t--because it would hurt Breha too much, and who else could he confide in about the daughter he lost?

BASICALLY ALL OF THE LEIA FEELS BECAUSE HER DADS. JUST. HER DADS.

It is a long, difficult conversation, but Anakin--Anakin is not yet so unstable that he won’t listen. And Bail is his friend, someone he trusts. And he--knows there is darkness in him, he remembers what he did in the wake of his mother’s death, and he knows the truth of what Bail is telling him.

“It’s not you,” Bail says. “Not yet. And it doesn’t have to be. We can fix this, before it goes too far. I can’t solve these problems for you, but I can help. I want to help.”

(And he finds a way to shut down that insecure voice in the back of Anakin’s head that doubts Bail’s friendship for a minute there, because he can see those wheels turning, and he knows Anakin well enough by now to guess at those particular cracks in his psyche.)

(Quick note: I did say that this Bail tells Anakin almost everything--but he does leave Luke out of the conversation. As I mentioned before, he’s too cautious not to hedge his bets.)

Another thing Bail does not do is he does not--specifically implicate Palpatine, because he doesn’t know how far Anakin has drifted away from the Chancellor’s influence and doesn’t want to risk a denial-induced overcompensation reaction, where he falls even deeper under the Sith Lord’s shadow.

(but Anakin, while being kind of dumb, is also a very smart man. And he knows that the list of people who have that level of influence on both him and galactic politics as a whole is a very short one.)

They come out of this with the whole--idea, that Bail genuinely trusts Anakin’s abilities, and trusts him to help and do the right thing, and Anakin can come to him for help/perspective when it all gets to be too much, emotionally speaking, without worrying about disappointing him to the point where Bail will abandon him/not want to be his friend anymore.

(Because Bail has seen the worst he could possibly be. As long as Anakin doesn’t go that far...)

After a day or so, they get picked up from wherever they were stranded. Probably by Obi-Wan, who can tell that Something Important happened. But Anakin is being quiet, and Bail deftly changes the subject.

And then they get back to Coruscant, and a different kind of hell breaks loose.

Because Bail made a very slight, but very important miscalculation--Anakin and Leia are a lot alike, in how they approach problems, in how they view the world, in that they both operate from a fairly black-and-white way of thinking--there’s another meta post I’ve read I’m going to reference, talking about how Anakin and Leia are Justice, while Luke and Padme are Mercy.

But Leia has the advantage of a stable childhood. And a certain amount of common sense. These temper those instincts, and help her rein herself in until the time is right. Anakin...not so much.

So, Anakin, once he’s through with his preliminary debrief at the Temple, goes to confront Palpatine, about everything Bail told him, and everything he figured out from there.

(He manages to protect Bail through this, and everything that will come after--he had a vision, he tells his false friend; so convincingly that even Darth Sidious believes.)

Some time later, Bail gets a call from Obi-Wan.

“Have you heard from Anakin? I can’t reach him. Neither can Ahsoka, and he usually doesn’t duck her calls. You’re his friend, I thought, perhaps...”

Bail has a Bad Feeling(tm) about this.

Because Padme hasn’t heard from him, either.

“He’s probably racing,” Obi-Wan says, but the doubt shines clear in his voice. “He’ll be back soon, I’m sure...”

Bail takes a deep breath, because here’s another incredibly difficult conversation he’s been putting off for a year.

It’s time to read Obi-Wan--and Padme--in. On everything, just like he did with Anakin.

...that’s about as far as I have planned out in detail. But there will be a Rescue Mission, and Palpatine will end up Very Very Dead, and life will be--good. The Republic will stabilize, and Bail and Padme and Mon and their allies will fix the problems that Palpatine found and exacerbated there. And the Order will survive and adapt, becoming a little more flexible as it moves forward into a new golden age.

And while a part of Bail still mourns the good parts of his other life, he and Breha will eventually adopt another little girl, as they discussed; and Anakin will practically be his son anyway; and he will watch Leia grow up again, in a peaceful galaxy, the one she has always deserved, and he will be very pleased with what he accomplished.

[gffa]

cyclesofsaturn reblogged this from darthluminescent and added:

*adds books to list* Great! Thanks!

Yeah, I grew up with the “old” EU, so there’s a lot of the Disney!SW that’s taking some adjustment. Like, I read Bloodlines and was….. less than impressed. I get that they’re trying not to give a lot away, but… I’ve read fanfic better than this. And it reads like not-polished-fanfic.

(I also laughed my head off about the List of Star Wars Books in the front, going from 3 pages of tiny font to a half-dozen in 16-20pt font)

Kenobi is good, though I need to sit down and properly devour it. I’m only a couple chapters in, and you are very right. Pure pain in a good way.

I read Jedi Apprentice/Jedi Quest WAY back as a young Padawan, long before all the Jedi Quest books were written, and I liked them then. Should probably reread them as an adult. I’ve heard some people saying they’re written with a really awful power imbalance and Qui-Gon being an ass and expecting WAY too much of Obi-Wan (which I did not notice, but I was also younger than Obi, so…). Was there anything in particular that infuriated you about Watson’s stuff?

Did you ever read Yoda: Dark Rendezvous? It’s set shortly before Ep:III, and the interaction between Dooku and Yoda is just amazing. (also, fyi? Sith!Yoda would be terrifying)

evaceratops said: 

The second I saw “novel recs” I was like, “PICK ME!!!” I have read… so much Star Wars. SO MUCH. (Almost all canon stuff, but still.) A New Dawn (by John Jackson Miller, the same guy who wrote Kenobi) is REALLY GOOD; it’s a prequel to Rebels and it’s about how Hera and Kanan met, and it’s GOOD. Tarkin is also good, and… I’m forgetting something, I know I’m- OH! Heir to the Jedi! Which is Luke-centric, and has a lot of really great stuff about the Force.

(Continued from this post.)  Starting a new post because the other one would have been a bit of a dash killer! I second @evaceratops‘ recs, who has read a lot of novels and is knowledgeable about these things!  I’ve not read any of them yet, but I’ve heard good about A New Dawn especially.  ♥ re: Bloodline -- I feel much the same way, as well.  I liked it as a Leia story, I felt like it was truly her story, but the worldbuilding did not hold together well at all (the logic of “we can’t have a centralized government because we might get another Palpatine!” just makes no sense if you’re still going to have planetary level leaders or country level leaders or, hell, any kind of leaders at all, I say looking at you, General Organa, leading people in the Resistance) and none of the new characters really stuck with me and also apparently indentured servitude is fine and dandy in the New Republic??  Okay then.  But also that it was set only a handful of years before TFA, but they couldn’t give away any backstory, so Han and Luke and Ben are all just completely absent from a story where they should have been present, and so it felt very light plot-wise, when it should have been more solid, about the origins of the First Order. (I had the same remark--”I’ve read more satisfying Leia fic than this.”  And that’s because fic is allowed to do things, this novel wasn’t really.) re: Jedi Apprentice/Jedi Quest -- I read the first few when they started coming out, when I was a wee thing and I enjoyed them a lot!  But as an adult... none of the Jedi worldbuilding makes any goddamned sense (aging out by 13 makes NO SENSE and I’m glad TCW explicitly contradicts that) and everyone is written as a jerk and Anakin is written as inherently evil and Dooku was written as inherently evil as well.  Watson writes some interesting stuff about Obi-Wan (”The Last One Standing” really hit me in the feelings place, exactly as it was supposed to) but just about everyone else is god-awful and I’m glad they’ve been tossed out, especially as I don’t think they were compatible with actual canon after TCW.  That said, they definitely had their appeal when they first came out, I ate them up and never really thought much about it, they’re good for a person if you’re an Obi-Wan fan, I think.  And I do love the characters, I would love to see Bant and Siri and Tahl especially rescued from those books! (So, basically, I’m cranky because everyone is such an ass in those books, as you’ve read criticism about, combined with worldbuilding that I greatly dislike and think was really pretty shoddily done.  But I don’t want to take away from anyone who enjoys them!  It’s been a long time since I read them all the way through properly, so I may be missing some good stuff in them!) re: other books -- I haven’t read Dark Rendezvous yet, but it’s on my list!  I haven’t read a lot of the PT-era novels, but I’m slowly making my way through the current canon books first, then picking up the PT novels.  (Which is relatively slow going, because I also read fic at the same time!) As mentioned, the Ahsoka novel is probably my favorite of the new canon so far, it does a solid job of bridging the gap between ROTS and Ahsoka joining the Rebellion, it can’t really do anything majorly surprising, but it’s a lovely look at her character and the sense of loss she feels and her struggling to find her purpose again, as well as I’m easy to please because there’s f/f subtext (possibly actual text??) that’s pretty great.  The mentions of Obi-Wan and Anakin are spot on as well. I’ve read Catalyst, which was hilarious for the Tarkin vs Krennic catfights, but also interesting to give depth and connection to the Rogue One part of the galaxy, where it drew on a lot of previously established SW stuff, instead of just making up all new stuff.  I also thought it did a really good job of giving a bit more weight to Galen and Lyra’s characters, as well as Krennic was hilarious in every scene.  The building of the Death Star stuff was also genuinely interesting!  I liked the plot a lot and it was a great book for bridging things together. I’ve also read the Rogue One novelization by Alexander Freed and I highly recommend it.  It’s what novelizations should be--it takes the canon and gives it so much more depth, I really found that Jyn Erso as a character made a ton more sense to me after reading it, where she’s so jaded and damaged and not emotionally stable.  All the characters get some really good bonus stuff, but Jyn especially benefits from it. I’m almost finished with the Thrawn novel that just came out about a week ago and I think I would definitely recommend it if you’re at all interested in the character.  Zahn writes really well, it’s super engaging, and it feels connected to the rest of the Star Wars universe in that way I like and I find Thrawn charismatic under his pen.  I don’t know that it would appeal if you hate the character or are bored by him, but if you have a vague interest, it’s a really good re-canonizing of the character, I find that I really want more of this author writing this character. (As always, anyone should feel free to jump in with novel recs/thoughts!  ♥)

[laurelseas]

The Queen, The General and The Wise Advisor

Alright, for a while I’ve been turning this idea over in my head that the story of the Star Wars prequel was foretold on Tatooine, Naboo, and whatever Obi-Wan’s homeworld is (does he even think he has a homeworld? would it be his world of birth? I have no idea). Padme, Anakin and Obi-Wan just seem...there’s something about how their lives intertwine that makes me think of destiny. Not in some sort of prophecy way, but something more nebulous. In Tatooine it’s stories about an angel, a Jedi, and a star child, passed down through families and friends like old clothes. There’s thousands of endings; it depends on who tells the story. In Naboo it’s in their dances and plays, three people who sweep around each other in circles destined to crash but never on-stage, always pulling everyone else in the show in the wake of their gravity even if they’re only there for a few moments.

And in Obi-Wan’s home world, it’s a very popular and very old card game with near to a million variations, played at home with children and played at the bar with friends. The three most powerful cards, always as a trio, are The Queen, The General, and The Wise Man (or The Advisor, depending on the region). I can picture how all of these cards look, but unfortunately my drawing skills aren’t developed enough to even begin to do them justice.

The Queen: A young woman dressed in white robes, her hair pulled up in an intricate braided crown (The Queen needs no jewels to be known as The Queen). She has a blaster in one hand but her other is out-stretched towards the viewer. Hooded handmaidens line either side of her. Personally I think of The Queen as probably being traditionally human, but likely Japanese or Indian because it isn’t like she has to look exactly like Padme and Naboo draws from those cultures, I think.

The Queen is a card used to suggest justice and power. The Queen cannot be denied, but she is always loyal to her people, merciful, and fair. Her decisions change the path of the galaxy; her will is pure and unbreakable. Associated with strong-willed young women and good leaders; could be an elegant and timeless gift from an uncle to his headstrong niece or from a citizen to their senator.

The General (very rarely called The Knight): A tall man in black on a battlefield after the battle’s been won (or sometimes lost, or sometimes still being fought - it depends on who drew the card). He has a sword that glints blue, has a blue jewel set in it, or is a blue lightsaber. Has bright blue eyes and a scar on his face (scars also vary depending on who drew the card). Strangely alike soldiers - The Brothers, some say - are in the background. The sun has broken through the clouds and shines on him. (Possibly as The Queen is not white, The General could be Native? As I understand it that’s where Anakin’s name came from)

The General is a card for loyalty and love. It’s a card of devotion; the understanding is that he fights not for glory but because the Queen asks it of him. It’s sometimes popular in love stories, as it can be seen as meaning “I would fight a war for you.” It’s also more rarely used for friendship, as in “Were you to start a war, I would fight it with you.”

The Wise Man/The Advisor: A red-headed man dressed in plain robes stands looking out the window into the sunrise. His hair is greying a little; his robes are impeccable. He has a flimsiplast set on the table before him, next to a game of dejarik (if that’s a strategy game, it’s hard to tell? If not then a strategy game - think chess or go).

The Wise Man is a symbol of cunning and trickery, though unlike other trickster cards he is considered to have both wisdom and a strong sense of morality. He is someone who cleverly navigates a problem. He is kind and helps people. He is known for predicting future events and carefully planning how to handle them (or, in other words, he’s always two steps ahead of everyone else). A non-romantic card to give to a thoughtful friend or someone who did you a good deed.

The three cards together are the most powerful in the game, and it’s generally agreed that they should be played together. The mythos is kinda that the Queen has a loyal general and a wise advisor and all together they are unbeatable.

But all these cards have another side to them, the darker side. And if one of the cards is turned over to the dark, the other two will turn as well.

The Queen becomes The Ghost. The General becomes The Monster. The Wise Advisor becomes The Recluse (actually I think there’s a word in this world’s language that means “someone who is alone/lonely” and that’s the old word for it but it got translated into Basic as recluse and I think this because I cannot find the proper word for what I want to call him in English).

The Ghost: The same young woman with her curly dark hair unbound, standing in a field of stars or underwater (or both, there’s a really lovely edition that’s managed to blend these two themes). Her hair is strewn with small white flowers and she wears a beautiful but impractical blue dress. She has a small, humble good luck charm necklace in her hands. She is slightly transparent.

The Ghost is everything the Queen is not. She has no power, no way to change the world. Her will and words are nothing but whispers that are lost in the wind. She is a card associated with being unheard, with being unable to help anyone despite a deep longing to do so. Sometimes she’s paired with losing something or someone too soon. There’s a strong element of melancholy to her.

The Monster: The same young man, but bearing a sword that shines red in the light/has a red jewel/is a red lightsaber. Half his face is covered in a black mask; the other half generally has scars. His eyes are yellow, red or orange. The hand not holding his sword is chained to a wall behind him; he sits in shadows (sometimes a dungeon, sometimes outside a castle wall at night) and flames cast the only light in the picture.

The Monster is a card of desperation and self-hatred. The loyalty and love of the General are stripped away and all that is left is a creature that lashes out at anyone that gets close. The chain shows that the Monster is being controlled (this is sometimes considered to be by an outside source and sometimes considered to be a representation of how his fear, anger and hate chain him).  to emphasize the fall from a General who leads his soldiers to someone who can’t break his own chains (there’s also the echo to Anakin’s slavery here). He’s often associated with ruined potential and the concept of being kept in the dark.

The Recluse: The same man in the same plain robe, but now the robe is frayed and he wears a hooded cloak. His hair is more grey than red. He stands in a desert (or other deserted land) looking at the sunset. Sometimes there is a small hut nearby.

The Recluse is a card of failure and deep loneliness. There’s also an element of exhaustion and regret in it. Like The Ghost and The Monster, The Recluse is a contrast to The Wise Advisor. He has lost faith in himself and doubts his wisdom and morality. He is lost in the past and cannot see the future. A card for emptiness, for a wound that won’t heal, for time not being on your side.

The general mythos regarding this side of the cards is that The Queen died, becoming The Ghost. Because he couldn’t save her, The General became The Monster (sometimes he became The Monster trying to save her). Because The Wise Advisor didn’t see that she would die, he felt he failed her and became The Recluse. There’s different mythos depending on which card is turned over first, but this is the classic one.

It’s also worth noting that one card being turned to the dark will turn the others...but this works both ways. If The Ghost becomes The Queen again, then so will The Monster become The General and The Recluse become The Wise Advisor.

And that’s all I have so far. What does everyone think? (Should I try to do Ahsoka?)