#the way i am feral rn
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Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.
#disability#this is a callout post about myself#i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned#turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly#i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack#(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way)#(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle)#anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you...#...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition]#i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀#even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭#it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker#and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller#and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected...#...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)
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feeling like tumblr is a job BUT IN A GOOD WAY like i sign on after my actual job onto my work (tumblr haikyuu smau writer hobby) computer (my home computer on it's last dying breath) to answer emails (reblog all of my moot's wonderful works) and write up reports (my own chapters LMAO)
#(warning i went feral in these tags. open at ur own risk)#these parentheses are giving me a headache#having a dyslexic moment i do not know why#second matcha latte at 11 pm at night LET'S GOOOO#oh i forgot to take my meds#just realized that#that may also be it#me and the voices just went silent when we all collectively realized that LMAOOO#me wondering why i have problems and then remembering last night i didn't take my meds again and then decided better late than never#and took them at 4 am#(and couldn't remember today if i had taken them last night before i remembered doing that)#and my meds are on the other side of my room and i am very cozy rn so no way i'm getting up to take them rn#it's okay my matcha latte will keep me good until i get up again in like three hours#i don't think my meds are helping anyway but i refuse to go to the doctor until like whenever i scheduled my next appointment#um i think it's in three months that's actually kind of a while#idk we'll come back to that chat#can u tell i haven't taken my meds#om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom#wyr if u see this thank u for reintroducing gnaw into my vocabulary#i love om nom nom#gnaw#someone sedate me#ness' brainvomit <3#tw meds
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OH MY HOLY WHSJWJSJJASUSIHSJSNDNWMWNSN
THIS IS INSANE!! HOW DARE HE???????
#it's the way that#im not even overreacting when i write this rn#i still am very feral#pepe how dare youuuu#the smile and the head tilt and the facial hair and his hair andddddd#dont get me started on the freaking bracelet. no#asks!#lunar <3
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@huskers-bar x @nunalastor chapter 3
Tags: enemies to lovers, angst?, eventual fluff, yearning?, soft huskers-bar, both mods are separate people, no beta we die like i do in this fic (not yet though), minor character death, ooc, au: hellaverse (hazbin hotel), nunalastor is head of the marketing department of the hazbin hotel (lucifer grabbed them randomly), jealousy?, huskers-bar is an employee at voxtek, lulu as a villain, lulu is a dog, huskers-bar is a liar, secret dating?
chapter: 3/? / chapter Word count: 1,659 / total word count: 4942
nunalastor as a single entity is nunalastor, traumatized mod dickmaster and cursed mod nun. and huskers-bar just husk/huskers. babygirl anon will be babygirl anon. I will be lulu. Angie will be angie but is meant to be read as angel dust.
A/N: peepee poopoo nunalastor lore drop uwu. thinking of removing the enemies to lovers tag on this because the plot has changed so much from what I originally planned. lulu is losing the funny so less funny stuff this chapter
As Huskers stood there, frozen in the doorway, their eyes widened with a mix of surprise and mild anxiety. They couldn't believe their luck-or was it misfortune?-to stumble upon them at a place like this. All the while Dickmaster kept staring at them with that unwavering gaze. One that could only belong to a cat that had too much catnip
"And who are you?" Dickmaster hissed, finger pointed directly at the huskers, their eyes narrowing and emitting an intense glare. "some kind of stalker?"
Huskers cleared their throat, trying to break the awkward tension they had accidentally created. If only this was a normal meeting. "Um, hey there! Fancy meeting you both here... I am not a stalker, actually. I work at voxtek and Angie, who I had to work with, informed me of the hotel and I liked the idea... didn't think I'd see you here" They choked on their words, offering a nervous smile while fidgeting with their fingers and displaying a toothy grin that seemed too wide to be genuine. They grabbed the hem of their shirt and started tugging excessively. Their hands felt way too sweaty.
"You're avoiding my question, who are you?" Dickmaster retorted, taking a step back and finding support on the nearest surface, which happened to be the bathroom door. Their eyes narrowed, radiating skepticism and cautiosness.
This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for huskers. Nunalastor genuinely didn't seem to know who they were, which why would they? It's funny to even think that. This meant Huskers had a golden ticket, a second chance. Maybe they'll get to know them and change their mind on hating them? It was in the realm of possibility. At least they hope so.
"oh just one of the anons" Huskers lied through their teeth, waving a hand awkwardly and dismissively. The nervous chuckle was the last cherry on the top for their fabrication. "Love your blog by the way" Huskers offered the compliment, attempting to salvage what was left of the already a horrifying first impression.
Dickmaster though, seemed to loosen up a bit after that answer, though still kept their guard up. One could never know about these things and it wouldn't be the first time their instincts were right.
"ah, there's too fuckin many of you... have some mercy on my lil ol askbox sometimes" They added, slipping back into their online persona. Brushing off imaginary dust from their attire and examining their hand closely, it became apparent that this was probably a nervous habit of some sort.
The atmosphere grew increasingly awkward, leaving Huskers unsure of how to continue the conversation. However, they couldn't just... give up. Their desire to get to know Nunalastor better was the reason behind hiding their identity after all.
"uhm yeah... what, are you even doing here?" Huskers asked, after an uncomfortably long minute of just staring at the wall directly behind Dickmaster. The lump in their throat was starting to annoy them and he was starting to sweat.
"None of your buisness, Stalker" Dickmaster retorted, instantly stiffening up in response to the questioning. Was this turning into an interrogation? how dare someone ask something about them! They are a private person damn it! What'll they ask for next? Their favorite color?! Disgusting
Huskers recoiled, taken aback by the response which felt way more aggressive than it needed to be. The fact that they had just been called a stalker didn't even register in their mind.
"oh sorry, uhm... I should just leave then huh?" huskers asked, gesturing back to where they had come from, their nervous smile faltering to a saddened but genuine expression.
The flushing of the toilet was a lot louder than it needed to be and so was the sound of the door slamming open. Finally, Nun had decided to leave the bathroom, with an emotionless stare towards Huskers. "you should" They said.
Dickmasters eyes sparkled with joy as they reached for the bathroom door. Finally, inner peace-except their mood was immediately spoiled as soon as Nun picked them up bridal style.
'We'll be leaving now" Nun said, not even sparing a glance in Huskers' direction. They turned and started heading towards the direction of their shared hotel room without a second glance.
"Right, see you later" Huskers waved a little dejected, definitely startled but what could he do? ... Besides, they'd probably get more opportunities to interact with them if they decided to stay at the hotel. Though it's back to square zero as it seems, or square negative one.
Dickmaster unapologetically sexily started squirming and thrashing in Nuns grip "what?! wait-Nun-HOLD ON I STILL NEED TO USE THE-"
"Pee on me instead" Nun didn't even hesitate
"i need to shit-"
"sorry, shit on me instead" Nun corrected themself before dissapearing behind their room.
Huskers stood there confused and kind of amused. "What the fuck?" They said, pulling out their phone. They just need to know. They had to kno. They opened nunalastors inbox, hit the anonymous switch and wrote out their question. Within moments, a ding went off on their phone
what are the mods relationship with eachother? - anon
lulu we know this is you - nunalastor
~
"What the fuck was that, Nun?" Dickmaster angrily shouted as soon as the hotel room door was locked behind them. Managing to wriggle free from Nun's grasp, Dickmaster regained their footing, assuming a stance that demanded attention and respect, one that was clearly not showing.
Nun immediately switched their usually nonchalant or sassy tone to a more serious one. Their eyes were understanding but nevertheless a little angry. Who wouldn't be in their shoes? The annoyance of the demand was very much palpable. "You know you can't be seen out in public like this!"
This response only served to further enrage Dickmaster. They deserved their personal space! They weren't a child! This overprotective behavior was getting out of hand and becoming too unbearable.
"But Nun," Dickmaster began to explain, their voice a mix of frustration and determination, "they were here seeking redemption, I'm sure it's—"
"they could be another one of those stalkers! not like it hasn't happened before!" Nun interrupted, their voice filled with a mixture of frustration and caution. They knew all too well that encounters with obnoxious fans were not pleasant ones, especially considering they were in hell. It didn't even stop when they were out for snacks once in a blue moon. They never wanted a repeat of that incident with that crazy one, Lulu or whatever the fuck his name was, something stupid like that.
Dickmaster though was not budging. Despite the awkward tension of the encounter with huskers, they didn't think the anon was any danger to them. Either of them. Their gut feelings were always trustworthy "They didn't seem like it, they said they worked at voxtek and that Angie invited them, they wouldn't be here if not for Angie"
"That doesn't prove anything," Nun countered, equally stubborn, refusing to give an inch and provide Dickmaster with even a sliver of space. They were aware of how annoying and frustrating their protective stance might be, but their conscience simply wouldn't allow them to come to any form of harm.
This disagreement triggered a hissing fit from Dickmaster, who refused to accept Nun's ridiculous behavior. It had been a month since the last extermination and since Nun had started acting overly protective. Dickmaster paced back and forth in the room, desperately trying to channel their frustration into anything other than punching the nearest wall. "IT SHOULD! I can't be monitored like a hawk! this is ridiculous!"
Nun grumbled, fully aware that this confrontation was inevitable. It was time to employ their ultimate weapon. They put on their most sexiest face, placing a hand on Dickmaster's shoulder and attempting to physically ease the tension. "Sorry, babygirl. Let me apologize with my tongue."
"no" oh no. It's worse than Nun thought.
Nun took a deep breath and let it out, now it was time to get serious, as much as they despised doing so. They locked eyes with Dickmaster, offering the most sincere expression they could muster. Their voice adopted a soft, low, and soothing tone, oozing with genuine concern. "listen, dickmaster, you know I'm just looking out for you right?"
"Maybe" Dickmaster avoided looking at Nuns eyes, they were angry and Nuns eyes were the last thing they wanted to see. Instead, their eyes found comfort in the apartment floorings unusual patterns, refusing to look up.
Nun didn't like that, but didn't try to force it. "And that I want what's best for you?"
Dickmaster scrunched up their nose, not even hesitating with their response. "Debatable, considering you—"
"Please!" Nun interjected, their grip on Dickmaster's shoulder tightening as they cut off their sentence. They didn't need a reminder of what they did. "please, let me get your soul back for you first, let me make it up to you and then I can leave you alone, promise"
Dickmaster was in a whirlwind of thoughts, most of them screaming to slam them against the nearest wall and feed them worms but that was besides the point
"not like you're giving me a choice" Dickmaster very reluctantly gave in, clearly not happy about it, not one bit. They crossed their arms and put some physical distance between them. "fine."
Nun decided not to push further. A heavy sigh sounded throughout the room. "Thank you." Nun finished, finally happy they got through. They opened up their ask box and started answering more headcanons as a distraction.
~
Back at the hotel, a sinner, looking a little too much like an imp sits at the stairs of the entrance of the hotel, humming a tune to himself. A pair of footsteps could be heard behind him, along with that of a cane, commonly mistaken for a dildo.
"Ah. Lulu my dear, what brings you here this lovely evening?"
#I DID IT#I WROTE THIS IN UNDER 4 HOURS#I am going insane in the best ways rn#eat up because this is as much as a serious fic ya'll getting from me#tune in next time for lulu being a piece of shit#nunwhiskers#lulu is delulu#lulu is feral#huskers-bar x nunalastor
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My madoka magica hot take is I like sayaka/kyoko as a ship more than madoka/homura
#madoka magica#both ships are very very good and make me feral but god kyoko/sayaka really caters to me#i am biased cuz sayaka is my favorite character lol and i just want good things for her#but i mean we get them as enemies fighting to the death obsessively like sayaka gets so focused on proving herself to kyoko she cant think#of anything else and she wastes her energy fighting her instead of witches and just the foil like#both used their wish to grant something for someone else and kyoko lost everything as a result and decided that nothing good will ever come#of helping others so she should only look after number one and of course shed think that cuz shes all she has left#meanwhile sayaka refuses to take care of herself because she never wants others to suffer so she only exists for others#and both of them change their perspectives in pursuit of each other theyre literally red and blue#and i love seeing the development of their relationship and kyokos feelings i love her offering to kill ryosuke for sayaka#and how terrified she is in that moment when she sees sayakas lifeless body separated from the soul gem#or how she shares her story and remembers why she started fighting because of sayaka and fucking#THE WAY SHE ACTS SELFLESSLY AND STUPIDLY OPTIMISTIC TO SAVE SAYAKA FROM HER WITCH FOR#THE WAY SHE SACRIFICES HERSELF TO CONNECT WITH HER THE LOVE SONG#THEM HOLDING HANDS WHILE SAYAKA CRIES AND KYOKO IS THERE FOR HER AND THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER SO WELL#god fucking dammit these fucking gay people are ruining my sleep#yeah idk if its obvious but i have a specific type when it comes to ships i love when characters beat each other up and are the center of#each others motivations and go through the horrors together and come out the other side and love each other deeply#love each others flaws and theres understanding and tenderness#i haaaave to draw them but i also have to draw a lot of blorbos rn alkksk
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I really have TWST brainrot right now huh?
I cannot put into words how hyped I am for the rest of book 6 to drop(Im terrified for book 7's return), so while the eng players patiently wait for the end of the month with their invisible tsum event and the jpn players cry over book 7 and ceremonial grim, I offer our robo son in these trying times.
#to anyone not here for twst Im sorry#zelda people I see you#just wait till may#tears of the kingdom is gonna drop and I may go as feral as botw link#so let me have this rn#a lots happening in my stupid disney app#twst gonna make me cry again#i am way too attatched to my idiot anime bois#like i would adopt ortho no questions asked#i love them#twisted wonderland#twst#ignihyde#twst ortho#ortho shroud#ortho
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me when people hate on aos trek:
#starlight fandom#starlight trek#LOOK I KNOW THEY AREN’T GOOD MOVIES THEY WERE IF MARVEL HIT STAR TREK WITH A BASEBALL BAT BEHIND A CLUB#BUT AOS GOT ME INTO STAR TREK IN THE FIRST PLACE OKAY IT HAS A PLACE IN MY HEART FOREVER#AND IT’S NOT AOS!JIM’S FAULT THAT THEY WROTE HIM BAD I ACTUALLY THINK ITS REAL INTERESTING#TO SEE A VERSION OF JIM KIRK THAT’S TRAUMATIZED AND FUCKED UP AND DIDN’T HAVE A FATHER AND YET HE STILL ENDS UP COMPASSIONATE#HE STILL ENDS UP A LEADER AND KIND#like fr tho that’s a fascinating concept#how much things may be different and how Spock!prime broke the timeline by melding with aos!kirk#and Kirk still ends up kind and loving and beloved anyway!!!!!#like I’m sorry they didn’t execute well until beyond and honestly I ignore stid entirely but it’s such a cool concept to me#and Karl urban as bones was so. SO. SO GOOD. he was perfect and deranged in the best way#Quinto-Spock I can take or leave but I do love me a bitchy Vulcan and he did have that#it’s okay to not like aos I don’t blame anyone for not liking it but I am so fond of it folks I truly am#and I’m not just saying that b/c the fic I’m writing rn for comfort and therapy reasons is projecting my current issues on aos!kirk#he’s just really to project onto and he looks like he’d benefit from ketamine treatment too and learning how to have hobbies w/o stress#anyway like I said I don’t blame anyone for disliking it or erasing it from their fandom memory#but it got me into Star Trek and I’m grateful and if ppl weren’t cowards aos!kirk would be so fucking fascinating in a feral way
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Thinking about someone telling me to close my eyes and open my mouth, acting like they're gonna feed me something.
Instead, they just tilt my head back a little and spit in my mouth, pressing against my chin to close it for me.
#like im actually soaked rn#spit is just. a thing okay?#im so fucking feral over this rn i want like. gentle loving degradation#not necessarily degradation i just dont know how to describe it#me being needy and my dom just delighting in how cute i am#asking for things that most people dont even think about#begging them to just. mark me as theirs in as many ways possible#hhhhhhhhhh#anyway#bye
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Some favs of mine 🫶🏼
feeling feelings. thank you for this attempt on my life, i’m calling in sick the rest of this week and it’s your fault <3
#💌 - mailbox.#nonniesnovio#HOW COULD YOU#SO MANY OF THESE ARE MY FAVOURITE VERNONS TOO 😭#let’s break this down because i? am having a breakdown over it.#aka how quickly can j embarrass herself all the way to 0 followers lmao<3#starting with racer fit vern was an actual act of violence. the vein on his shoulder and those eyes GOODNIGHT TO ME ?????#im a basic british girlie ok. if u put a pretty man in an overshirt and a backwards hat i WILL start screaming.#it’s a reflex action I don’t know why but my neighbours dogs are going feral because i am reaching impossible frequencies rn#THE JEEEEEEEEEANS#this vern was an instant wallpaper u don’t understand no one understands what this picture means to me#if ur new around here. i am a nonnie thigh enthusiast. and for that reason i will be passing away#dark hair follow tour vernon does things to me. kenzo vernon with a fuckin EARRING? he DOES THINGS to me. im not okay.#the last one specifically you don’t understand what happened to me the day that dropped okay#I speed ran every stage of grief and almost threw myself headfirst into the shallow end of a swimming pool#the soft hair / checked tie / DAD TRAINERS !!!!!!!!!! THE DAD!!!!!!! TRAINERS!!!!!!!!!!#anyway to sum up i have some normal feelings about vernon yeah. im all good 🩵#thank you for your invaluable contribution 🩵
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Rewatched my movie (y’all know which one), and made the mistake of reading some of those letterboxd reviews.
Why do I keep doing that????
Bunch of edgelords running around and being wrong on purpose thinking they’re funny
#I’m employing myself as Austin Butler’s personal guard dog#I am feral in every conceivable way rn#elvis 2022#austin butler#elvis presley#I wanna make some gifs but I’ll be sad when mine don’t come out as beautifully as the one I found for this post 😭😔💔
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show me a character that used to be human but somehow got turned into a creature with a cool and cute/silly character design against their will and gets angst relating to the way they weren't accepted by the people around them in some way due to that (it was completely outside their control) and my neurodivergency goes on FULL DISPLAY. I EAT THAT STUFF UP. I WANT TO FIND MORE STUFF LIKE THAT. RAAAAGHAGHJG....
#i saw an animation about an oc that fits all of these traits#and i went so feral over it that i sent it to a friend#rambled to them about how much i love it#and then made my first not checkpoint yotube comment in YEARS#i have social anxiety. i never comment on yotube animations#im literally watching it rn its so cook holy shit#cool*#if i do have autism this is how it is manifesting#and i. for one. am not complaining#transformation angst is SO GOOD. i wish there was an easy way for me to find more#that animation made me remember how mentally ill i am for the transformation trope#i thought i was just beginning to move on from it but NOPE. IT'S A PART OF ME FOREVERRRR#i think the way i love this specific lore type probably says something about me lmao#screaming into the void
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in one of those moods where i just wanna BITE everything and TEAR IT ALLLL APART!!!!!!!!!!!! VIOLENCEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! DESTROY DESTROY DESTROYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! CHEW TOY ISN’T ENOUGH I NEED TO EXPLODE EVERYTYING!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH MY ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!!
#my jaw is way too tense rn i might start actually biting things………..#but this is mostly getting excited over video game#i should have the pitbull title in phighting cause that’s how i am but i don’t wanna play biograftttt#i NEED to play scythe NO dying while hitting people a zillion times a second!!!!!!!!#I NEED SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SLASH SLASH SLASH INSTANTLYYYYYY so i play scythe#i feel so so bad when one of my headmates wants to play as medkit but then i end up going feral as scythe 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#fee gives me scythe for one round when medkit is taken and THE BLOODLUST TAKES OVER FOR THE REST OF THE TIME WE’RE PLAYING#anyways i’m gonna hop on phighting :} and SLASHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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This transition has an absolute grip on me right now
#steam powered giraffe#prelude to a dream#make believe#I just found them through a tik tok sharing honeybee#which by the way#what a beautiful love song#anyways I’ve binged this album#and I ADORE it#but BOY HOWDY#did this transition catch me off guard#I was caught up in the emotional robot lyrics and then BAM#gorgeously smooth transition into a jam#ALSO#the way it’s called prelude to a dream and the next starts with an alarm#I am feral rn#going insane#anyways listen to steam powered giraffe#I love the 2¢ show#what an album#I could go on about shit like the lyrics and more forever#I love music oml
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Sleepily fucking my Lovense fleshlight rn and desperately wishing it was you cockwarming me, my breath hot on your neck as you whine for me to grope your tits and fill you up already 🥺🤤
hey uhhhhh hey uhhhhhhhh head empty
#the way i am BLUSHING rn omfg#i gasped when i saw this#feral simply feral#don't look at me#giving u soft sleepy kisses#angel answers
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and if i stay up all night writing meddison pining. what about it
#god they are so feral in my brain rn. i found (reread) another fic i am going to latch onto and make my meddison writer personality#i think they can be losers who say they're still hung up on derek but really. they're hung up on the fact that they THINK they aren't good#enough for each other#because isn't that what it's all about? really?#meredith thinks addison is tall and gorgeous (IN CANON) and way above her#and addison. well addison has always had a mean self destructive streak. combine that with her thinking she's not good enough for anyone#(the derek trauma)#there's this one fic i love. it mentions meredith kissing addie's cheeks and promising her that she is enough. makes me tear up every#time because they WOULD. addie WOULD think that she's not enough and meredith WOULD reassure her. god#having THOUGHTS going FERAL#meddison#meredith grey#addison montgomery#grey's anatomy#thea talks
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do u ever think about how gus claims that he brainwashed his bakugan to be loyal to spectra and yet they all say they're loyal to him. either the brainwashing didn't work (get on kazarina's level gus 🙄) and they're still loyal to him, or loyalty to spectra meant keeping gus alive. bc i think about that incredibly frequently.
oh also that reminds me, how did gus survive a giant fuckin laser that had killed 2 of his bakugan previously. like. did he just look death in the face and tell him to fuck off or was he too angry and gay to die. bakugan has the inverse of bury the gays honestly.
#anyways hexados throwing himself into battle even tho gus hadn't sent him out JUST to protect vulcan fucks me UP every single time#i said id stop rambling but gus lives rent free in my head#ALSO vulcan implies that gus hasn't brawled since new vestroia and honestly#if 3 bakugan sacrificed themselves for me id also not battle again#that one brainwashing line is only mentioned once but its always wild to me#the fact that he thought they would be more loyal to spectra than him... the way gus actually really cares about his bakugan#HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH VULCAN... it makes me feral#ALSO ALSO early on in the season when he's talking abt helping spectra u know like take over the world or some shit#he ALWAYS includes vulcan as part of that world. he always says he that he and vulcan will stand by their side.#i am so not normal about them#a lot of bakugan have very similar traits to their brawlers. and loyalty is a running trend with gus and i adore that#also gus gets rlly rlly pissed off and upset when the brawlers almost succeed in taking vulcan in his second brawl against them#and that ALSO fucks me the fuck up#he lives in my head rent free i am so unnormal about him i am insane#FOAMING at the mouth rn#idek what sparked this i was just left alone. with my thoughts. a terrible idea if im being honest.
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