#the way TK is looking at Carlos during this is the only correct way to be looking at your man

[kboo1999]

No, but fr though. TK doesn't give a damn about the donuts, cronuts, nada ⎯ however...he does look like he wants to jump Carlos right there.

911: Lone Star | S5E2 -> a rookie donut delivery mistake

[ramblingdisaster73]

hi! i'm curious - what are your thoughts on some ppl (maybe mostly in the minority?) have made comparisons of the carlos & iris rescue scene in 4x03 being parallel to that of tk/carlos in the iconic Push, and how they've said it kind of undermines the emotional weight in Push?

personally, i'm trying not to put too much weight on it, bc i think it's probably not as deep as they're making it out to be, and it makes logical sense for carlos to tell her to breathe as she was near hyperventilating at the time (if my memory serves me well, i'm not planning to rewatch it so pls do correct me if im wrong) – but the more cynical part of me can see where they're coming from as well (e.g. with the framing), and it's starting to get to me a little

my heart really does hurt for tk in that moment tho :( it certainly didn't help that carlos was being a jerk during that scene - this will def always be a skip for me. there's angst and then there's being a jerk for no reason bc he's what, mad? i can't imagine what/how tk must be feeling at the time

also, idk. there's not much to work with here, a part of me wondered (if it was intentional) if carlos was that spiteful enough to purposely do all of that to get a reaction out of tk (i doubt this. it's fucked up, but it's whatever, he's already walking a tightrope between being petty and also being an a*hole. i honestly wouldn't be surprised if the writers are trying to play this up for dramatic purposes), or if they'd just wanted to be sprinkle in the additional ✨ angst ✨ to get a reaction out of the audience instead, if it was completely unintentional, or it really isn't as deep as that.

ig we'll never know atp, but i thought i could come to u and see what you think! i'm really liking the discussions we've all had in between the eps haha, i hope that's okay!

This got a bit longer than I intended.

The “Breathe, breathe” scene in Push was a huge moment for them (& us) after their breakup – but I don’t really think the writers intended to have Carlos tell Iris the same thing to cheapen the scene in Push.

I totally get the people who had that gut reaction of “what the fuck, why would they have him say that like that?” and feel like it took away from the Tarlos scene – I do. The first time I watched the ep (I have had it on repeat pretty much anytime I am home alone while I am writing.),

I had a similar thought process – when I watched it again the 2nd time though, it made more sense to me narratively & like you said she was hyperventilating & in a decent amount of distress – telling her to breathe was pretty much the only thing he could say here. Saying something like “calm down” doesn’t always help when you are not in a position to think clearly – simple direction is much easier to follow (I say this as someone who has frequent panic attacks & telling me to calm down is not at all helpful) so, if someone was telling me to breathe – I would be able to follow that direction – telling me to calm down would only make me panic more – because I have to think about HOW to calm down.

I really do think that they are making Carlos’ less than perfect sides more obvious this season, that is why what we saw last year as a little bit of pettiness (3x13) now feels almost cruel at times. I understand why there are fans that just can’t get into this storyline – why they are struggling so much.

I have said since at least last season, the writers did a real disservice to Carlos by making his appear so perfect on the surface for so long. By finding ways to put the blame for any issues between them on TK, or just glossing over his need to keep everything in boxes & his control issues – made it so some fans didn’t need to look deeper at the character – they saw this absolutely gorgeous man, saw the ways he supported TK – thought he was the perfect boyfriend/fiancé, the cop with a good heart.

Now, all of a sudden, they are being confronted with the fact that Carlos has a past, one that some just can’t fathom. They are being forced to acknowledge that Officer Reyes is not perfect and they really don’t know how to handle it.

If we had any in canon hints (other than deleted scenes we won’t ever see) of the actual closeness of Iris & Carlos – some of the people that are struggling with this arc – may have been able to believe that this person was so important to Carlos (NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN TK, BUT STILL IMPORTANT), but – we didn’t. So now, they have to build that now – and Rafa & Lyndsy are doing a fantastic job of showing a real emotional (platonic) relationship.  

The writers had to do something that would SHOW us their closeness – not just tell us, like some of the other parts of the storyline – and this was actually (imo) a beautiful way to do it. I don’t really think it was to be petty or dickish to TK, just to show us the emotional connection the characters share. The fact that Rafa & Lyndsy have pretty great chemistry helps this as well.

Carlos was definitely walking the very fine line between petty & dickish, but I think the writers need him to do that for this part – the 3rd act. In a lot of media – the 3rd act is the hard part – either emotionally or mentally – they needed to set up the angst and tension for when Carlos got shoveled to kick off the 4th act.

Would we lose our shit if Carlos went missing while things were perfect for Carlos & TK? absolutely – we love them. BUT – to have it happen when things aren’t as stable, when they are both too much in their feelings/heads to see clearly – that is where the real pay off comes from.

We know that Carlos & TK love each other deeply, we understand why TK went to talk to Iris, we know that it didn’t trigger anything for her. Carlos – doesn’t right now. He is a man that thinks rationally (because he tosses his problems in a box & throws away the key) – but right now rational thought isn’t something he is capable of.

The man had like 15 seconds of not being noticeably stressed the fuck out on screen before that “dream” venue called him – he has been riding on pure emotion and avoidance ever since.

It is easier to lash out (or treat not so great) the people that you KNOW love you. You know that they will be there when you realize what you did/said. We all do it in little ways all the time, (we have a bad day at work, then go home – and every little thing builds up until you blow up – typically not at the people/thing that originally caused your irritation). In this case – I think that Carlos blames himself for all of it – and he can’t shove it in a box – he has to face it, especially in this 4th act.

Carlos KNOWS that TK loves him. But this man is TERRIFIED of his actions hurting Iris, that he seems as though he is ignoring TK, or at least dismissing him. I go back and forth between thinking that Carlos was more defensive to TK in the bunkroom than trying to explain it – but that is an emotional response from me. When I take my emotions out – I can see the way his anxiety is tearing him apart, he is scared to hurting TK, of TK leaving – not because of something TK did – but because Carlos hurt him emotionally. He is scared of jeopardizing Iris’ health and wellbeing.

He also can’t see that these two people, the ones he loves most (in very different ways), are stronger than he can see – especially in this particular situation.

*We have NEVER seen Carlos be the one to fall apart. He is used to being the one putting the pieces back together, for the most part – keeping a clearer head, & connecting the dots. Right now – he isn’t able to do that – but he also won’t let TK or Iris really help him – which leads to the shoveling.

I know that Tim and Ronen keep hyping up Rafa’s acting in 4x04 – but I am also really looking forward to Ronen’s as well. Both of these men have been doing such an amazing job of making us feel all these annoying feelings.

I think another reason people are struggling to see Carlos being more standoffish to TK in 4x03 is that we have watched TK handle this situation so well. Carlos tells him that he has been legally married to someone during their whole relationship, TK listens to him, listens to his reasons on why. We have watched TK handle it with grace – but are now being shown Carlos not doing the same. And it does hurt. It hurts because we know how much they love each other, how much they truly need and want each other. So, to see real friction between them (probably the most we have seen – especially since they broke up off screen) hurts. Going into those scenes knowing that the shoveling was coming hurt more.

The hurt is intentional from the storytelling perspective– but I am hoping & optimistic about a pretty good pay off. I have a feeling that a lot of this elevated pettiness will be gone like the ‘lasting ramifications of hypothermia for TK’ last season, so I am not worried about that continuing either. Once he is rescued, we will get the super tactile, loving, beautiful Tarlos – one that has become stronger through their ordeals – both separate & together.

When in doubt: Just remember Tarlos is endgame & all roads lead to the wedding.

I love the discussions that this show brings up & my husband loves that I have people other than him to talk to about this show.

[morganaspendragonss]

dancing on the edge of something new

huge thanks to alice ( @reyeslonestar ) for letting me talk this through with her at midnight when it was causing me huge trouble 🥰

five dances in tk and carlos’s life

ao3 | 2.3k | @911fluffweek day 3: getting together // dancing

i.

TK looks over when Carlos slides off the hood of the Camaro, his hand trailing after him until he’s forced to let go. Carlos is smiling almost shyly, shifting from one foot to the other, and TK can’t help but smile back, propping himself up on his elbows.

“Carlos?” he prompts, confusion growing as no explanation is forthcoming. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course. I just, uh…” He bites his lip, then takes a decisive step forward and holds out a hand, cocking a brow suggestively. “Wanna dance?”

TK laughs. “Seriously?” he asks, but he’s already sitting up and placing his hand in Carlos’s, allowing him to pull him off the car and to his feet.

“Well”—Carlos shrugs, yanking TK close and smiling at the oof he makes when their chests collide—“it’s how we began, isn’t it? I figured, if we’re starting again, then it feels only right, no?”

TK stares, stuck dumb, unable to do anything but follow Carlos’s lead as his arms slip around his waist, guiding them into a gentle sway. He rests his own hands on Carlos’s chest, the realisation that he gets to do this now—gets to touch Carlos and be with him like this—hitting him all over again. To think he almost threw it all away… Well, none of that matters anymore. What matters is that they’re here, dancing in a field with no music save for the shuffle of their feet in the grass and the occasional bird or cricket, like a pair of lovesick idiots in a romcom.

And he’s never been happier.

He slides his hands up until his arms are resting loosely around Carlos’s shoulders, fingers playing with the stray curls at the nape of his neck. He stares into those familiar brown eyes, so full of warmth and light, Carlos cast in the beautiful glow of the Northern Lights above them, and TK feels an intense feeling take root in his chest. It’s not love—not yet—but it will be.

He can’t imagine not falling in love with Carlos Reyes.

ii.

The club lights strobe around them, bathing the room alternately in lurid colours and strange shadows. The place is packed, the doors practically straining on their hinges, but the only thing TK is aware of is Carlos’s body moving against his own, their movements perfectly in sync with each other.

It’s been a while since they were last about to do this, to come out and just let loose for the night. In fact, TK thinks the last time might have been when they were out with Paul what seems like a lifetime ago; so much has changed since, and TK feels like a completely different person to who he was back then.

He and Carlos have officially been together for a few months now, but it’s like the universe has been working to stop them from actually being able to enjoy it. They’ve managed to squeeze in some dates here and there, but between the shooting, the solar storm, TK’s medical leave, and weeks of opposing shifts, getting a moment to themselves has been difficult.

But now, finally, they have one. And TK is going to milk it for all it’s worth.

He turns slightly in Carlos’s grasp, his head tilting up to catch his lips in a searing kiss. Carlos grips TK’s hips tighter, pulling them flush against his own as he deepens the kiss, and TK gasps, a sharp thrill shooting down his spine.

The night stretches out blissfully in front of them, the knowledge that this isn’t just a fling that will end with the cold light of dawn making it all the sweeter. It’s still a little surreal, even now, but it also feels so damn right.

TK’s heart hammers in time with the music and he sinks into Carlos’s hold, losing himself in his heat.

iii.

It’s not that TK never felt at home at the condo. The opposite in fact; Carlos’s place had been home even before he could officially call it his, and he feels the loss of it keenly. The thing is, though, even after he’d fully moved in, it had been a struggle to think of it as theirs.

It had been home, sure, but it had also been Carlos’s place.

Carlos had found it a little funny, and it had taken several slip-ups on TK’s part and just as many gentle corrections on his for TK to get used to our dining room, and our bedroom, and our house.

And then—well. Just as he’d started to get used to it, it was all gone. Ashes. It hurt, deeply, but TK knew that it was his turn to be the one to lean on, to let Carlos be the one to set the pace. Carlos had lived there for years, after all, and what was TK’s month compared to that?

Really, anywhere that Carlos is would be home, but this—holding the keys to a house they’d picked out together, a house they’d signed the lease for together, a house they’d picked the furnishings for together—feels like coming home. 

He hates that it was the condo burning down that got them to this stage, but TK can’t stop a grin from emerging on his face as he slips his key into the lock.

He finds Carlos in the kitchen, humming and shimmying to a song playing from the speakers. To his credit, TK really does try to bite back his laughter, but he can’t quite manage it, letting out a loud snort which has Carlos stopping in his tracks, flushing a deep red.

“I see the unpacking’s going well,” he says, walking over to the kitchen counter and leaning a hip against it. 

“It was, actually,” Carlos defends, still blushing. “I didn’t realise you’d be back this soon.”

TK shakes his head; as adorable as Carlos’s embarrassment is, he needs to let him know he’s not making fun. “You can relax, babe. You know I always love seeing you move those hips.”

“Mmm, don’t I know it.” Carlos leans in and kisses him, lingering a moment before pulling back, a wide smirk on his face. “How about you help me finish unpacking here and we’ll see about showing you more of that hip action later?”

TK grumbles, but does as he’s told, the two of them falling into a comfortable rhythm as they work to getting their house in order. It’s ended up being the perfect blend of their different styles, which probably shouldn’t work together, but somehow do, and TK loves it here. They both do, he knows—nothing will ever replace what they lost in the fire, but being able to build a home together is beyond special.

He keeps sneaking glances at Carlos as the afternoon goes on—sue him, his boyfriend is built like a Greek god—and TK smiles when he realises Carlos has started dancing again. He probably doesn’t even realise he’s doing it, which makes the whole thing so much better.

TK watches for a while, then walks up to Carlos and taps him on the shoulder. “Mind if I cut in?” he asks, gesturing to the wooden spoons he was twirling around.

There’s a brief moment of confusion, before Carlos’s eyes light up with realisation. He barely wastes a second in tossing the spoons aside (though, it’s more like a careful placement in the correct drawer) and grabs TK by the hand, sending him into a literal spin.

TK laughs, taking a moment to right himself after the sudden movement caused him to stumble inelegantly. Neither of them are in time with the music as they dance around the kitchen, carefully avoiding the boxes still scattered around, but it’s not important. 

For the first time in his life, TK feels fully, completely at home. It’s not a feeling he wants to let go of.

iv.

“I think they were expecting something slower,” TK murmurs, burying a laugh in Carlos’s neck. Their guests are all wearing expressions with varying degrees of shock, and he can’t really blame them—he’s pretty sure the last thing anyone expects to hear during a first dance at a wedding is a country song. “I still can’t believe you even remember it.”

Carlos shrugs. “I still can’t believe you don’t. It is our song, after all.”

TK rolls his eyes, remembering their first conversation on this topic months ago, back when they were still sorting out all the wedding minutiae. 

“‘Our’ song, babe?” he’d said, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “Why, because we danced to it for five minutes before leaving to get off in the bathroom?”

“Exactly,” Carlos had replied, his tone so serious that TK wasn’t sure whether he was joking or not. He’d rolled his eyes and lightly shoved at TK’s shoulder. “No, babe. Because it was the first time we danced together on the night that we met. That’s special, right, even if it did only last five minutes?”

TK hadn’t exactly been able to argue that one, and he has to admit now that it was a pretty good choice. If only to see the way Judd almost choked on his champagne in surprise when the song started.

It’s a little untraditional and, if he’s being honest, TK had never thought that one day he would be getting married in Texas on his new husband’s family ranch, with their first dance being to a ‘cowboy song’, as he’d once called it, much to Carlos’s horror. But he and Carlos have never been ones for tradition, and TK wouldn’t have it any other way.

“It’s perfect,” he admits, his eyes never leaving Carlos’s. He stops the dance, not caring that the song is still playing, and steps closer, pressing their bodies together. Everything else fades into the background as he leans up and kisses Carlos, barely moving when they break apart. “I love you, Husband.”

Carlos’s face lights up in a grin that could rival the sun in its brightness. “I love you too, Husband.”

v.

Music is floating through the door when TK gets home, and it’s enough to alleviate the weight he’s been carrying all day. It’s not that it had been a bad shift per se (though, when your standards for a good day are ‘nobody dies’, your view tends to get a bit skewed) but it had been long and tiring, and he’d missed his family desperately.

Sometimes, he still can’t believe this is really his life. But Ana, now three, has been living with them for a year already, and TK can’t imagine their home without her anymore. She’d been a blessing, coming into their lives after years of fighting to get on adoption registers, right when they were beginning to despair of ever managing it.

They did, though, and now TK gets to come home to scenes like this. 

Scenes like Ana standing on Carlos’s toes as he guides her slowly around the room in a basic dance. TK watches for a moment before getting his phone out and hitting record; he’ll be damned if he misses the opportunity to get this on film.

Carlos, having heard him enter, rolls his eyes when he sees what TK’s doing, but flashes him a quick smile before returning his focus to Ana. She hasn’t noticed TK’s entrance, her face scrunched up in deep concentration as she grips onto Carlos’s hands as tight as she possibly can.

When the music ends, Ana claps her hands and giggles. TK takes the moment to make his presence known, dropping to his knees and holding his arms out. She barrels into him, almost knocking him over, and presses her face into his chest, her tiny hands creating creases in his uniform shirt.

“Hi, sweetheart,” TK murmurs, dropping a kiss in her hair. He gently detaches her from him and manoeuvers them until she’s sitting in his lap. “Looks like you guys were having fun while I was at work.”

She nods enthusiastically. “Papa was teaching me to dance! Abuela showed me photos when I was with her and Abuelo and I wanted to be just like her!”

“Abuela got out the photo albums again, huh?”

Ana nods again. “Of her… Her…” She frowns and looks up at Carlos.

“Her china poblana dresses,” Carlos says softly, smiling as Ana grins and points at him. 

TK laughs and draws his daughter into a hug, rocking them gently, his gaze going up to Carlos. “Well, from what I saw, you were dancing even better than Papa,” he says, smirking as Carlos gasps in mock offence. He looks back down at Ana, tapping on the back of her hand. “You know,” he starts, smiling, “I think I might need some dancing lessons too. Think you can teach me?”

Ana lights up and immediately gets to her feet, as if she’d been waiting for him to ask. She grabs TK’s hand and pulls him up, leading him to where Carlos must have cleared a space for them earlier. The music begins to play again and TK lets his daughter take charge, playfully sticking his tongue out at Carlos when he laughs at TK getting firmly told off for putting his foot in the wrong place.

At some point, Carlos joins the dance, the three of them stepping and bouncing around the front room. Ana’s laughter fills the house, shrieking with delight when Carlos sweeps her from the floor and wraps both her and TK in his arms. TK leans his head on his husband’s shoulder, a hand placed on their daughter’s back, and breathes out slowly, all the exhaustion from earlier forgotten. 

At last, he’s home.

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

aight SO

i finished ep 12 and i've talked about it with a friend, and now i've also taken a look into the tarlos tag to get a sense of what people are saying. i think i'm ready to break this down.

so there are a few big questions about That Scene and the following tarlos interactions. i'll just work through them one at a time. buckle in, this is gonna get long. now without further ado...

1) Was TK lashing out at Carlos at the firehouse in character?

Short answer: yes and no.

Long answer: we've seen TK get physical and even violent before. He literally sought out a bar fight in s1. He nearly got into a fist fight with Judd, too. And did you see the way he was hurling darts after that, when he and Carlos were on their date? This boy is not a stranger to getting physical. There are, however, a few major differences between those scenes and this one with Carlos.

One. The bar fight was premeditated, while his fight with Carlos was not. Why is this important? Because it means that TK has shown some measure of restraint in the past. He managed to stay present during what I would call the 'trigger' of the bar fight episode, and saved his physical response for a later time.

Two. His altercation with Judd, on the other hand, was not premeditated. The difference, then, is that Judd was also ready to get physical at the time. With the scene with Carlos, Carlos was trying to remain calm and impartial for most of it, and attempted to de-escalate when TK got violent. The whole thing was driven by TK.

Three. In none of the scenes we've seen before of TK getting violent has his dad's health or safety been threatened. TK's dad is a HUGE part of his life, and he has a LOT of emotional trauma surrounding his relationship with his dad. He's TERRIFIED of losing Owen, because he's nearly lost him so many times before. TK has some MAJOR anxiety about losing people, to the point where he refused to let Carlos into his heart at the beginning of s1. There's also the fact that TK has gone through a lot of trauma in not a lot of time. Even if the show wants us to believe the kidnapping is over, I'm willing to bet that the after-effects are still hitting. For both TK AND Carlos, honestly.

There are also two other lines to consider when we're talking TK's characterization: first, in the episode when Gwyn moves out, and we see her and TK talking, she then calls Owen who asks if TK 'flew off the handle' (i believe that was the wording, correct me if I'm wrong). This is important because we have two people who are VERY close to TK talking about how he reacts to things, the crux of which is that TK gets reactionary. He has high emotional responses and says (or does) things that he doesn't necessarily mean.

Then there's another line that I think is important. This is the one in the crossover episode, when TK tells Buck that he's 'done a lot worse than steal a fire truck'. This one is important because it's TK talking about HIMSELF. We don't have any context for this or what it means, necessarily, but I'm willing to bet from context that he wasn't just talking about ODing.

So with all this in mind... do I think TK was in character? Do I really think TK would do this? Well... it makes sense in the context of TK's story and his arcs and all the scenes we've seen him in so far. But, at the same time, I would definitely have done it differently. It's a thing like... it's not a WRONG answer, but then again, was it really right, either?

2) Was Carlos's reaction to TK lashing out in character?

Short answer: yeah, I think so*.

*though if they don't expand on it I'm gonna have a problem.

Long answer: Carlos, at this point in the story, is dealing with two things that I think impact his emotional landscape a HELL of a lot.

One. His past and his family. He grew up with a man who seems emotionally distant, and it has only VERY RECENTLY started to get better. He felt INCREDIBLY alienated after he came out, and then when he became a cop and he was dealing with his father's silent disapproval. He is always searching for approval and, most likely, affection as well. What this means is that he feels like he constantly needs to prove himself, and bases his self worth on how OTHER people react. If someone reacts badly, that's a mark against himself.

"But Kay," you say, "What about the scene where he made dinner for TK and TK walked out? Carlos didn't blame himself then!"

Which is an interesting point! Carlos didn't put the onus on himself in that scene, he turned it back on TK, calling him 'crazy'. I think that was a secondary coping mechanism, to be honest. He knew he couldn't deal with feeling like he was the one who was wrong AGAIN so he twisted the situation around in his head until it was TK who was 'being crazy'. I've talked about that scene in depth before so I won't do it again, but Carlos's reaction is, I think, indicative of having felt rejection before and trying to protect himself.

Which brings me to number two. The fact that he's nearly lost TK several times already. This plays a HUGE role in how Carlos acts, especially with TK. Carlos has wanted TK LITERALLY from day 1, and since then he's nearly lost him how many times??? Enough, at least, that I'm fairly certain he's now holding on too tight, even when it comes back and hurts him. He just... he seems to have this mentality that if he's in he's ALL in, and he's not allowed to back away or put any distance between them, or else he'll lose TK for real.

Because we've seen TK pull back and get some distance before. We saw TK take a night away after their fight about the farmer's market. Maybe not with the best communication, but TK was angry and he needed space, so he left. When he did that, however, Carlos was convinced that they were breaking up. Like, CONVINCED. You cannot tell me that Carlos didn't think the worst in that moment.

Now why is THIS important? Easy. Because Carlos and TK may be moving forward in their relationship, but they are at a point right now where they react to things in fundamentally different ways. TK kind of bounces between becoming reactionary and going distant (again, we saw this in s2ep8 very clearly), while Carlos has reached a point where he kind of doubles down on holding tightly to TK even when he maybe shouldn't.

Basically, when you boil all this down, Carlos is DESPERATELY trying not to rock the boat, with his parents OR with TK, because he's scared of everything coming apart. And I think that makes sense with this episode.

The problem, then, is that this is a coping mechanism. The narrative has set it up as such. Which means that he's going to have to address it at some point. If he doesn't, I will be FUCKING PISSED, believe you me.

3) Did the narrative address that scene with respect, dignity, and nuance?

Short answer: I DON'T THINK SO.

Long answer: TK is human. He's a recovering addict. He's had problems with feeling numb in the past (that line about how everything is gray), which, I think, makes his feelings just THAT MUCH BIGGER when he does have them. So clearly, he's going to make mistakes. The question then is, was this particular mistake something he's learned from, or was it just used for the drama?

I have two reasons to believe it was the latter rather than the former.

One. Judd's reaction. Judd telling Carlos to get out of the firehouse after TK hit him, as if Carlos was the bad guy in that situation, was dramatic as hell. TK and Carlos are pitted against each other in that moment, and instead of mediating, Judd picked a side. Which is, ironically enough, the first thing that I think was NOT in character in that scene.

Judd, we know, is a bit of a hot-head, but he's also very empathetic. Judd was shown trying to mediate between Billy and Owen the last time the two of them had an episode together, because he understood both sides of the story and he cared for both of them. Why do I think it should have been the same this time? Well, because he loves TK and Carlos BOTH. They were both in the group hug at the hospital after the Ryder's car crash. It wasn't like Carlos stayed back, okay--JUDD CARES FOR BOTH OF THEM. And I think, at that point, that Judd would have seen the fact that TK was spinning out and Carlos was trying to stay objective and known that he needed to de-escalate. It would have been SO EASY to have that line be "Okay, okay, both of you step back and take a breather." He could EASILY have mediated. But he didn't. And that was a specific choice that leans more toward drama than anything else.

Which brings me to number two. The fact that they don't talk about it on screen. We had a hand-wavey 'we agreed no apologies' and a hot and heavy make-out scene instead. The writers wanted the drama of the two of them being in bed together while the fire started, and in order to do that they sacrificed the screen time it would have taken to actually have them have a conversation. Because, again, it would have been SO EASY to write them actually talking about it. They've done it before! After their fight about the farmer's market and Carlos's parents, the two of them have a WONDERFUL conversation. Why then and not now? Well, to make the fire more dramatic, to up the stakes one more time.

So no. I don't think there was any respect. I don't think there was any nuance. TK made a mistake, because he's human and he has some problems with emotional regulation, but there were little to no repercussions for it where there really should have been. There was no respect coming from the firefam for Carlos, either. There were no apologies, or further comments, or anything. And honestly... this season has done a lot toward making me feel like they don't give a shit about violence. Judd hitting that kid in the bear trap in the wild fire episode, Judd hitting the drunk driver who drove him off the road, Judd punching Billy when he thought he was framing Owen, and now TK hitting Carlos... all with no repercussions or apologies or even discussions about them... it's not a good look.

And there you have it. The writing makes sense. It does. But it's also really clear that the writers' priorities have changed. I really, honestly feel like the show has lost something since season 1. There's been a massive tonal shift, and I don't like it. The fact that we keep having Event after Event with no reprieve, have sacrificed conversations and interpersonal relationships for Drama, and have started killing and maiming characters with wild abandon, sometimes with seemingly no reason... it's all just a Lot. I have enjoyed watching season 2, but it's not sticking the same way as season 1 did. I'm not letting myself get attached to characters at this point because clearly we're not in a found family show anymore. I don't care about them the same way I did before. I can’t bring myself to do it when it’s becoming clear that we’re not going to slow down and actually process anything anytime soon.

[howtosingit]

I didn't like the way carlos acted after he introduced TK as a friend like you should explain or say something instead he joked about Hr and so, It felt off character for him? Tk and his parents although they said good advice, they didn't have to mae it about them. I said she would be pregnant but if they used that kill her. I'd be mad.

I think I’m going to have to disagree - I’m not sure that it was out of character for him, Anon. This became a long analysis of that scene, so I’m putting the rest under the cut.

That was a really interesting scene because I think their insecurities really took over and masked a lot of the other things that we really know about them. TK was, to use his own words, “a little bitch” and Carlos was somewhat evasive. TK was hurt and insecure and made the whole thing about himself and what it said about him, while Carlos tried to avoid really getting into it. TK is fired up from the very beginning, while Carlos is trying to de-escalate the situation (could be pulling from his training as a cop). 

Also, I think it’s very clear that TK isn’t really in the mood to listen during this moment - which is fair, I’m sure we’ve all been so angry that we’ve thought “I’ve got to get out of here, I can’t do this right now.” But the fact that he seethes the whole car ride home and then barrels through Carlos’s apartment to grab his things - not even looking at Carlos in the beginning - means that he doesn’t really want an explanation at the moment; I think he wants to be a little mad. I think he wants to feel justified by his anger - and I think a lot of this scene is him justifying it. And I think Carlos can sense that, so again - he tries to de-escalate the situation, joke, bring them back to a familiar place where then, maybe, they could have a discussion about it. (They never get to that point, though, because TK storms out.)

I will also just say that not only does TK not seem to want to listen at this moment, but he has also decided on his own explanation of the event - because again, he made it about himself, so he feels like he knows the whole story already. Carlos says “I’ll correct her next time” and TK immediately says “you didn’t correct her because it didn’t matter, and you don’t think there will be a next time.” So, definitely putting words into Carlos’s mouth. This is also where Carlos starts to get really confused that he’s being pushed out of this conversation completely.

I think Carlos plays the moment a little lighter because he’s still probably reeling from the meeting and how that went - we know he can mask his emotions well, we saw it during the police station scene in 1x03 and the boba scene in 1x10. He was truly not expecting this moment to happen like this, and he was doing everything that he could to avoid it. The man has got to be in quite a state, and all his boyfriend is doing is attacking him and putting words into his mouth, words that are in no way true. That cannot be making him feel very good, he’s probably definitely on edge - and I think he gets a little sassy when he’s feeling that way. It’s a defense mechanism.

I think the truly defining exchange in this scene is “It’s more complicated than that” and “How complicated can it be, Carlos?” That’s the moment where every fucking card gets put on the table, and we see that TK might actually have a pretty shallow view of what this whole situation is. He’s basically like “you’re out, what more is there” - for TK, when he came out, that was basically it for him. From that point on, it seems that he got to live his life as an out-and-proud gay man - and for some reason, he can’t imagine that not being true for everyone else. It’s a privileged perspective. But, coming out is just one step of a very long process, and it’s not always the final one (I don’t really know if it’s ever the final one). Again, he closes the door on this thing being about something more than himself. 

This scene is a lot of closed doors on conversations that would’ve explained the whole thing, including the final door slam that makes Carlos jump - the one that feels like the nail in the coffin of their relationship. It’s not a scene of healthy communication, but it was never meant to be. And I think both characters are pretty in-character here, even if they’re not showing the best sides of themselves. 

(Also, the desperation in Carlos’s voice when he does try to explain why it’s complicated - like he just really needs TK to understand - paired with the slight shock/fear/minor resignation on his face when he realizes that maybe TK doesn’t actually want to understand where he’s coming from? That is a potent combination, and a masterclass performance.)

[221bsunsettowers]

Chapter 2: Settle Down, It Will All Be Clear (Tarlos Royal AU)

After the tournament was over, after he'd met eyes with TK, after Carlos thought he had seen the same flash of attraction he was feeling in the Prince's eyes as well, Carlos had been whisked away before even a word could be exchanged between himself and his future husband.

In which both men are handsome and nervous, Paul Strickland is an amazing man-in-waiting and confidant, there is a celebration banquet and a shared dance, and Carlos collapses on the floor.

This is Chapter 2 of my Tarlos Royal AU , The Kingdom Lights Shine Just for Me and You, in which TK is a prince, Carlos is a knight, and Carlos just won TK’s hand in marriage. Chapter 1 can be found here and here . Chapter 2 can also be found here 

Thank you so much for all of your excitement and encouragement about this AU, it makes me feel so inspired and I am having so much fun with it!

Note: A man-in-waiting is "a man who comes from a family of high social standing and who is attached to a royal household".

CW: anxiety and small physical manifestations of anxiety, small description of a character suddenly in pain

Chapter 2: Settle Down, It Will All Be Clear

Carlos ran his hands nervously over his green doublet with gold trim (somehow it fit him perfectly), an action he had repeated more times than he could track. "Is everything all right, my lord?" came a voice behind him, and Carlos could barely stop himself from startling.

After the tournament was over, after he'd met eyes with TK, after Carlos thought he had seen the same flash of attraction he was feeling in the Prince's eyes as well, Carlos had been whisked away before even a word could be exchanged between himself and his future husband. Now he found himself in what he could only assume was his new designated chambers, with man-in-waiting Paul Strickland.

"Please, call me Carlos," Carlos found himself practically pleading. "Everything's just so-it changed so fast-" He cuts himself off, shaking his head, catching the silken fabric of his sleeve in his hand and rubbing it between his fingers.

"I imagine this to be overwhelming," Paul spoke softly, smiling kindly at Carlos.

"It truly is," Carlos sighed, perching on the edge of the ornate desk chair before quickly leaping up, frantically looking down at his trousers to make sure he hadn't creased them.

"You can sit, I promise any wrinkles in your outfit can be fixed before the dinner," Paul assured him, and Carlos gratefully sank back down on the chair.

"Thank you," Carlos sighed again, fidgeting with the fabric of his sleeve, returning to rubbing it between his fingers.

"He does that same gesture," Paul chuckled, gesturing to Carlos' hands.

"What is he like?" Carlos asked, seizing on the opportunity. "Prince TK."

"I think it best you discover that yourself," Paul said gently, straightening out the rest of the garments he had been tending to.

"Of course, my apologies," Carlos said instantly, cheeks turning red. He rested his head in his hands. "I must admit that I have no idea what the proper protocol is for this situation I find myself in."

"He is a good man." Paul spoke softly but reassuringly, running a brush over the pair of shoes that had been selected for Carlos to wear that evening. "I can tell you that. He has always been kind to all of us here in the castle, and to our families, and to his subjects."

"I am glad to know that, my gratitude." Carlos looked up at Paul. "Thank you for your conversation. It...it feels very nice to feel like I know someone here."

"I am glad to help," Paul smiled, as Carlos slid his feet into the shoes. "Many of us here know the difficulty of leaving our families, but I hope you will find, like we have, that we make a family here at this castle as well."

After assisting Carlos, Paul entered TK's chambers. The king had requested, as a personal favor, that Paul look after Carlos as well as the prince for the time being. Paul had immediately acquiesced, his role in the castle one of affection as well as responsibility. His mother and the queen had been childhood friends growing up on neighboring estates, and they had remained in touch. It was an honor for Paul to be selected as the prince's man-in-waiting, a role reserved for a man of high status and noble lineage.

At this point in their lives, while Paul of course continued to assist TK in any and all royal matters, he was also a friend and confidant for the prince. And so he found himself in a familar way, sitting in TK's desk chair, watching as the young royal paced back and forth across the floor, fingers twitching around the fabric of his blue silken sleeve.

"I did not ask for this," TK groaned, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Your father and mother seemed to think it was a good idea," Paul commented, and TK let out a deep sigh, perching on the very edge of his bed, index and middle finger tapping a disjointed rhythm out on his knee.

"I know they are concerned about me," TK admitted softly, head dropping. "I know the havoc Prince Alex brought about was more than they thought I could bear, and they were almost correct."

"Your sadness was palpable," Paul said gently. "We all wish you to be happy again."

"But marriage with a stranger does not seem like the way to happiness," TK said despondently, his fingers tapping faster, his foot now joining in the nervous movement.  Paul crossed over to stand by the bed, and rested a gentle hand on TK's shoulder.

"He is kind," Paul proffered, and TK raised his head, eyes showing a glimmer of hopefulness. "He told me to call him by his first name, showed me respect, apologized for slights he had not even performed. He longs for his family but is resolute in doing right by them. And despite the circumstances, he wishes to know about you." Pointing to TK's sleeve, Paul chuckled. "He even wears the ends of his sleeves bare with anxious rubbing just as you do."

"He is nervous as well?" TK questioned in surprise. "But he seemed so full of confidence during the tournament."

"He is a knight," Paul reminded the prince. "He knows how to fight. But this-" Paul gestured towards the room, to the castle beyond the chamber door. "This is not something he finds easy to understand. It is strange to him, and you are still a stranger." He patted TK on the shoulder before bending down to retrieve TK's discarded pair of shoes. "Perhaps it would be kindness for the both of you if you went through this confusion together."

"Perhaps," TK murmured, not registering that the frantic tapping of his fingers had slowed to a barely perceptible twitch.

"Sir Carlos Reyes, newly-bethrothed of Prince TK Strand," a formal voice called out as Carlos entered the enormous banquet hall, and for a moment Carlos was frozen in absolute panic as what felt like hundreds of pairs of eyes turned to him.

The next moment TK was next to him, the same voice bellowing out "His Highness, Prince TK Strand."

"Just stay beside me," TK murmured under his breath, offering Carlos his arm and a small smile. Nodding, Carlos looped his arm through TK's, echoing back a small smile of his own.

"Thank you," Carlos whispered gratefully as he let TK guide them along their procession to the massive table, taking their places next to the king and queen.

"You fought very well today," Owen spoke, inclining his head in Carlos' direction, and Carlos found himself barely able to force down the sip of wine instead of choking in surprise.

"My thanks, Your Highness," Carlos managed to eke out, and he could hear TK laughing softly beside him. Turning to meet TK's eyes, Carlos couldn't help but smile back as TK's eyes twinkled mischeviously.

"Father, give him a moment to collect himself," TK chided jokingly, and Owen chuckled, nodding his head in acquiescence.

"May I ask where he acquired such skills, or is that also an offense, dear son of mine?" Owen asked, his formal tone from the tournament now changed to one light and teasing, drawing another laugh from TK.

"My father taught me," Carlos responded, unable to keep a smile from gracing his face at just the thought of his family. "He carried dreams of my becoming a knight just as he did." "He must be very proud," Owen said, lifting his goblet in Carlos' direction.

"Thank you, Your Highness," Carlos answered gratefully, raising his goblet in return.

"We shall need to build up to you calling me something more informal, particularly as you are to marry my son," Owen said kindly, and Carlos felt TK stiffen slightly. Taking another sip of wine, Carlos returned his gaze to TK, who had no goblet before him.

"Are you in need of wine?" Carlos asked, and TK shook his head.

"I do not partake any longer," TK mumbled, and while he did not elaborate, Carlos could still see the pain in his eyes. Carlos simply nodded, but did not take another sip, instead discreetly shifting his wine glass out of sight.

As the elaborate meal progressed, toasts were made (Carlos followed TK's example, and nodded graciously instead of raising a goblet in return), and platter after platter of delicious and hearty fare were laid in front of Carlos and TK. Carlos focused on the food in an attempt to forget how many important personages continued to fix their gaze upon him. He responded politely to the repetitive queries made of him, reiterating his lineage and his path to knighthood more times than he could count.

Eventually, Owen and Gwyneth rose from their chairs, and the gathered crowd followed them into the ballroom. As the music struck up, Owen led Gwyneth into the beginning steps of the dance. "Would you feel comfortable joining the dance?" TK asked softly as he resumed his position at Carlos' side. "I do not wish to compel you to do anything you do not wish to."

"That is very considerate of you, your highness," Carlos said softly, performing a low bow.. "A dance would be my honor." Carlos could feel his  heart racing as he extended a hand to TK, who took it in his own. Carlos could feel a rapid fluttering where his own fingers brushed against TK's wrist. Entering the dance, he placed his other hand on the curve of TK's waist, and they slid into the steps.

"TK," TK murmured, just loud enough for Carlos. "If we are to be wed...I would wish us to be more informal with each other." Raising his head, he met Carlos' gaze, cheeks tinted pink. "If you are amenable."

"I am amenable," Carlos responded, heart seeming to tremble in his chest. "Carlos, then."

"Carlos." TK smiled softly, nodding his head. "Thank you."

As the dance ended, TK led Carlos to a quieter section of the ballroom, farther from the musicians. "Would you-" TK began, but the words caught in his throat as he saw Carlos suddenly double over, hands clutching at his stomach, a moan of pain slipping past his trembling lips. Carlos' legs began to give out, but TK reached for him, catching him and gently lowering him to the ground.

"Carlos?" TK asked frantically, hands hurriedly running along Carlos' stomach and sides, searching for some sign of an undiscovered injury, but finding none. He met Carlos' terrified gaze, eyes widing in pain, and TK instinctively grabbed Carlos' fingers between his own, rubbing the back of his bethrothed's hands soothingly as his mind raced with fear.

"Tommy!" TK screamed out, ignoring the guests who had roamed over to see the unexpected dramatics. "Tommy, Nancy, we need a healer!"

If you would like to be added to my Tarlos taglist, just let me know!

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[detectivereyes]

hi and welcome to jamie overanalyzes 911 lone star s2 trailer. this post is long and everything is under the cut bc of that and also bc i know there’s a lot of people out there who are trying not to see anything (which i wish i was you, that’s incredible) anyway if you’re like me and are losing your mind trying to make sense of it all... read below the cut

first just looking at the some screen grabs from trailer that i think are important to pull out

→ this has already been discussed but i’m pretty sure between this clip and the one where you can see the front side of the figures, that it’s owen and tim standing there (owen has the helmet on that says “captain”, tim has “paramedic” on his jacket)... this is important later

→ oh hey gwen

→ “one of our own died today” and it’s not owen, nancy, paul, or marjan... and my prediction that the figure that is comforting nancy is tommy... 

okay there’s not much to really dissect there.. i mean i could probably go shot by shot and give my takes but tumblr is already annoyed at how many pics i’ve uploaded and what people really want to talk about is that last note...

so which one of their own died today???

well we know for sure it’s not owen (they’re not killing off rob lowe lmao), nancy, paul, or marjan (unless the second two screenshots are just supposed to throw us off but this is confusing enough already so let’s just assume they are crying over whoever died)

we can also assume that it’s not tk bc of how much ronen posts, or carlos or grace since they aren’t firefighters. 

my initial thought is that it’s tim rosewater: mostly bc of the teaser trailer (see screenshot above) but at the time i really thought they weren’t actually going to kill anyone off. i also noticed mark elias was still posting. but now i’m not so sure. the main reason behind this reasoning is that nancy is shown crying, and she’s tim’s paramedic partner. of course everyone is going to be upset if someone from their house dies so nancy would be upset over anyone. however, she is shown in this trailer and considering she’s not a main cast member, i think that’s pretty significant. additionally, tim is also not a main cast member so he’s more likely to be killed off than any of the cast members who are. it sucks and i liked tim a lot so i hate this option but i’m going like 90% sure it’s him. but in order to explore other options, let’s dive a little deeper into other possibilities, shall we?

someone else mentioned that it could be michelle. i don’t really think it would be since they made it pretty clear that liv tyler couldn’t film due to travel restrictions. i also think fox would want to promote that liv is returning for one or so episode(s) if that was the case... then again other shows have successfully kept guest appearances secret so who knows really? it would make sense so i wouldn’t entirely discount it. it would make sense that nancy would be upset, and it’s a way for michelle to exit the show. but i hate that bc then the door is closed for liv to ever return to the show. overall i don’t really see this happening (mostly bc of covid and the logistics of getting liv to film...) but then again, i feel like it’s important to keep this in mind

besides tim, the character that makes the most sense would be mateo. i hate this option but this is where we’re at unfortunately. showing marjan upset? he’s also not shown as much in the trailer.. however i think you can see him for a split second at one point during a wildfire scene. if i remember correct, the wildfire episode is occurring around 2x04 (???) and the lava thing whatever you want to call it, is happening at the end of 2x01, into 2x02. so if that’s the case, and assuming that whoever dies is killed during the lava thing (yeah i just keep calling it lava thing..) then i think mateo is safe. please let me be right.

two other options that it could be but i find unlikely are judd and buttercup. judd isn’t shown in the trailer except for briefly during the lava thing (??? i could be wrong tho) but i also don’t think killing him off would make sense bc he’s connected to grace and also like he lost his entire team?? they spent so much time building his story during the first season that i honestly can’t see them killing him off so early in the second. and with buttercup... they can’t kill the dog. it makes sense but also it’s mean and i think it’s more implied that whoever died was killed on a call. i could be wrong here and maybe the lone star writers really do hate us but also i just won’t accept that.

finally, and one that i think is probable, the person who dies isn’t someone we know. all owen says is “we lost one of our own today.” of course one of our own could imply literally someone from the 126. but also it could just imply a fellow firefighter, since it is considered a brotherhood. maybe it was someone they teamed up with from another house and got close with? maybe it was a friend of judd’s? i mean hell maybe it was a floater they brought in for tk while he was on medical leave? we really don’t know but i think it’s important to keep this option in mind as well and not get to ahead of ourselves.

i love that we’re going to look back on this next month and be like wow it was so obvious?? we really thought that it could have been ___?? but for now i’m going to be losing my mind over here if anyone wants to join me. my official guess is going to be tim but i would love to hear what anyone else thinks!! my ask box and dms are open. 

edit, re the eddie/ryan theory: there’s some valid points but overall i don’t think this one makes sense mostly bc this death is happening on 911 lone star... if 911 was going to kill off one of their main cast members, they would do it on their own show. not in a spin off crossover episode... if only bc there are plenty of casual viewers out there that only watch 911 and would have no idea that eddie died. no matter how upset the network is with everything that happened with ryan, they can’t kill him off on a show that isn’t his, it just doesn’t make sense.

[911-ls-whats-your-emergency]

we're going down, down

carlos/tk, 2.9k, 1/?

“It’s a meal. Not a collar, TK.”

Or the dom/sub AU that no one asked for. Inspired almost entirely by the way TK/Ronen put his hands above his head in the first hookup scene, just begging to be held down at the wrists (so blame him).

~~~~~~

TK still isn’t really sure about Austin, but he’s gotta say the team seems pretty cool so far and he’s excited to be doing this with his dad. What he’s not so excited about though, is this bar they’re in. What is this music? Alright so it’s pretty entertaining to see his dad doing some ridiculous line dancing moves, but he wouldn’t be caught dead out there and usually he loves to dance. Just not like this.

He’s laughing at a particularly ridiculous spin that everyone on the floor seems to be having trouble with, when he feels someone come up behind his left shoulder.

“Do you wanna dance?”

He twists around, fully planning to turn down whoever thinks they’re gonna be able to drag him out to that floor, when he registers who it is. Oh god, not only is it that hot cop from the car crash scene earlier, but he’s no longer covered in rain-proof layers. Instead, his muscle-bound torso is positively bursting out of a tight t-shirt and as if that wasn’t enough, he absolutely exudes Dom energy from every pore. TK’s always been a sucker for Doms who don’t have to use any of the fashion norms to indicate their status because it’s so obvious just by looking at them. TK himself will sport the occasional earring to mark his Sub status and tonight he’s rocking the cuffed sleeves typical of his dynamic ‒ although at this point, he mostly just likes how it looks.

TK swallows down his original response because there’s no way he’s turning down this perfect specimen of a Dom for anything, even though he’s gonna have no idea what he’s doing out there. But he hasn’t gone down properly in months ‒ not since the incident-that-shall-not-be-named ‒ and while he’s definitely not ready for a collar or even a cuff anytime soon, he definitely wouldn’t be opposed to a little scening with a Dom as fine as this one.

“Yeah.”

Well that came out a little more emphatic than he was planning. Guess that’s his chance at seeming chill out the window. But hey, he really only wants one thing out of this guy, so what’s the harm in making that obvious up front? In the back of his mind, TK has a passing thought that maybe a colleague who he’s already run into during his first major call isn’t the best candidate for a one-night-scene, but he’s never been known for his great decision-making, so he sees no reason to start now.

“It’s TK, right?” The Dom asks him as they start moving towards the dance floor. TK notices an arm make an aborted gesture towards his lower back which is….interesting. Seems like a possessive guiding hand might be the Dom’s natural inclination, but he’s also polite enough not to take liberties with a Sub who he’s just met, which is promising on both counts. TK finally registers the question and the potential meaning behind it. Yeah it’s possible the guy caught his name from TK’s turnout coat, but most people see the initials and ask him what it stands for, not realizing it’s the sum total of his preferred name. So there’s a nonzero chance this guy has asked around about him ‒ interesting again.

“Yeah that’s right. Sorry, I didn’t catch your name at the scene earlier?”

“Nothing to be sorry about ‒ things were a little bit hectic out there.” Understatement. “I probably would’ve introduced myself as Officer Reyes on the job anyway, but cute dance partners can definitely call me Carlos.” The accompanying grin of that last statement threatens to make TK weak in the knees.

“So, TK, ever been line dancing before?”

“That would be a definite no.” He’s under no illusion that his general demeanor doesn’t scream city boy, so he’d rather just lean into it. “Guess you’ll just have to tell me what to do.” TK tries to put forth his best coy face, but it’s been awhile since he’s done this without even the slight buffer of alcohol, so he’s not sure how well it works out.

Judging by the heat in Carlos’ eyes at his words, he doesn’t think he’s doing too badly. Still got it. They’ve finally reached a fairly open spot on the floor, so Carlos immediately starts giving him directions.

“Start out facing me.”

“Copy what I do exactly, which means we’ll be moving towards opposite sides and not mirror images.”

“Take my hand and I’ll spin you back into the line so we’re all facing the same way.”

TK’s doing his best to follow the directions and not make a fool of himself ‒ and he’d like to think he’s doing a decent job of it ‒ so it takes him a while to notice. At first, he’s sure it’s something else. If he were drinking, he’d say that the alcohol was just going to his head a bit, making him feel a little warm and floaty, but he’s pretty sure mineral water doesn’t have that effect.

TK’s always gone into subspace easier than most Subs ‒ definitely both a blessing and a curse ‒ but he’s never started to descend based on something as tame as this. A couple of commands and a firm hand correcting his movements here and there should not be getting this reaction.

Then again it’s been awhile since he’s relied solely on his dad and their platonic scenes for maintenance, without either the drugs or a partner / regular hookup to supplement. But they’ve been so busy with the logistics of the move since his overdose and it’s not like he doesn’t have plenty of opportunities to kneel for his dad since they live together, so he thought he’d be fine.

Apparently not.

Ideally he’d go get his dad and they could go home and take care of it, then figure out a better long term plan. But his dad is having the most fun TK’s seen him have since TK ruined his life and made him move cross country, so the last thing he wants to do is drag him away from something else to make him take care of his wayward son. TK’s sure that he can control it, now that he knows what’s happening.

The song changes then and TK desperately hopes for a new distraction that will snap him out of it before he has to cut the night short.

“I’m guessing you’ve also never tried two-stepping?”

TK has not, but it sounds complicated and just the thing he needs to shift his focus from the commanding energy coming off of every word out of Carlos’ mouth, even innocent questions like that one. He doesn’t tell Carlos that exactly, but he must somehow indicate that he’s willing to give it a shot, because he gets another grin for his trouble. TK is just about to move to the left side of Carlos again ‒ and of course his subby brain had turned him fully towards Carlos in the break between songs ‒ when Carlos stops him. And then ‒ oh. oh no ‒ he’s being gathered up into Carlos’ arms almost as if they’re about to ballroom dance.

If TK were smart, he would make an excuse right now and run to the bathroom before this goes any further. But TK’s always been his own worst enemy, so of course he doesn’t do that, and instead he gets to feel Carlos directing every part of TK’s body using just changes in pressure where they’re connected at the hands and TK’s lower back. It feels absolutely divine and a small part of TK is glad he didn’t miss this, but a slightly larger part recognizes that the situation has just gone from ‘not ideal’ to ‘FUBAR’ in very short order. Unfortunately for him, neither of these parts represent the majority of his consciousness, which has gone from feeling two-beer-tipsy and floaty to something more like the source material for the artificial high that got him addicted to pills in the first place. He decides he’s way too deep to pull himself out of it now, so instead he just...surrenders.

Read the rest of Chapter 1 on AO3

[kiras-sunshine]

Home and Heart

Written for day four of Carlos Reyes Week: “you have come so far” + future

Summary: Carlos gets a job offer in a different city

read on ao3

or

It’s already dark, but their backyard is illuminated by a string of fairy lights TK has managed to hang up on near the chutes of the house.

Carlos has no idea when he had the time to put those up because they definitely were not there in the morning when he left for work, and TK got off from his shift only an hour before him, but he also had picked up food from their favourite Thai restaurant.

They had eaten the food at their backyard, underneath the lights and the bright night sky. The weather is warm, and the gentle breeze doesn’t bother him at all. The yard is so quiet, he can only hear distant noises of cars, a few birds chirping in the nearby Cathedral oak tree, and slight sounds of the grasshoppers. TK’s grunting mixes in with all of that.

Neither one of them had wanted to go back inside, so he is sitting on a garden chair and TK sits on the ground in front of him, in between his knees and he keeps massaging his stiff shoulders. He had pulled a 24-hour shift, and the impromptu dinner date at the backyard definitely was a surprise for Carlos, a good kind of surprise at that and he had enjoyed it immensely, but he had been psyching himself up the whole day to have a certain conversation with him, but now he doesn’t want to break the serenity of the moment.

Also, he has no idea how to break the news to him.

“You’re thinking too loud,” TK murmurs at one point, startling him from his own thoughts. He had been just absent-mindedly staring at the star patter of his button-down as he worked on a particular muscle knot near his shoulder blade. “Are you going to tell me what it is, or do I have to guess?”

He lets his palms rest against his shoulder as he exhales deeply. He should have guessed he would see straight through him. After being five years together it shouldn’t be a surprise that he knows him, through and through.

“Yeah, I’ll just pick something up,” he says, placing a kiss on the top of his head as he gets up and heads inside. He walks straight to their bedroom, picks up an envelope from his drawers and returns outside with it.

Letting him read the letter feels like the easiest choice.

TK is already standing up when he hands it to him. He had already teared it open in the morning, so he just pulls out the letter and starts to read it. His eyes are moving fast across the page. He looks at him carefully, and the corner of his mouth keeps twitching and when he looks up from the letter, his face is lit up by enthusiastic and bright smile.

Before he knows it, TK is already pulling him into a tight hug. He laughs, sounding genuinely delighted and Carlos just burrows his head into his neck. “I’m so proud of you,” TK tells him, and he hears rustling of the paper and he thinks he might be reading the letter again, “I mean I’m always proud of you, but you know.”

He feels his fingertips stroking along his spine, and in return, he presses a kiss on his neck.

He has been offered a job as a detective. It’s definitely the next logical step on his career path, and he certainly has the experience and qualifications for the job. He likes being an officer, but he also knows if he really wants to make any change in the way police departments work, he has to advance on the career ladder.

“It’s in Dallas,” he points out, sounding almost remorseful to his own ears, too. It’s the only aspect of the offer that keeps bothering him. He obviously is flattered that they want to offer him the position and he knows he is great at his job but uprooting his whole life might not be worth of a job.

“Yeah, I read that bit,” TK says, and surprisingly he has no traces of hesitation or sombre in his voice. He pulls away from the hug, but still rests his hand on his waist and kisses him. It’s a quick and brief kiss, but still full of reassurance. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” he whispers.

He is the first person he has told about the offer, and he guesses it is only fair because his decision will affect his life, too, and while he was nervous about telling about it, he never expected him to get cross with him, but it still feels like a relief to hear his words of support and excitement.

“Do you want the job?” He asks, cocking his head to the side, as he studies him with his gaze. Any attempts of finding an answer in his eyes are futile.  

“I don’t know.”

It’s as honest answer as he can give. Sure, he has been thinking about promotion for a while and getting promoted to detective is in his plans but moving to another city definitely wasn’t included in his plans for the future.

Maybe if he were still alone moving away would not be such a big deal, but he is not alone. Still, sometimes unexpected things can be the best things in life. He certainly wasn’t looking for a relationship, but he still managed to find the love of his life on a call about a baby stuck  in a tree.

TK hums sympathetically. “Is it about Dallas?”

“Yeah.”

He folds the papers carefully back into the envelop and places it on the table next to the abandoned takeout boxes. “I get that. It’s not an easy decision and I guess moving wasn’t in our plans,” he says, glancing at the dim yard that opens in front of them.

“Tell me about it,” he sighs out of frustration and rubs his face with his hands.

A couple years back, he had sold his condo. It was a bit small for two people, and they wanted to buy a house instead of an apartment, and it is exactly what they did. The house is not enormous, but it’s theirs and it has everything they need, and most importantly it’s home in a way that no previous place of his own has been.

He knows it’s only a physical place and lots of other great houses exist, but he has grown fond of it. It is such a combination of both of them, all the little details and marks they have left on it and its decoration. He knows his home is where his heart is and TK still holds his heart, and he can be happy wherever he is with him, but he still believed they would live there longer than a couple of years.

“Hey,” TK whispers, gently and Carlos lets his hands drop. “You’ve come so far with you career, and we have come so far, so I’ve got your back no matter what you choose.”

His voice is soft, but still determined and sincere and he doesn’t doubt for a moment that he wouldn’t mean his words.

He rubs his neck as he tries his best to flash a reassuring smile at him. “Yeah.”

TK gives a lopsided smile as he looks down his left hand and fidgets with the silver band that rests on his ring finger. “Besides, when I said I do I did mean that I’m always going to be in your corner.”

Carlos chuckles, but his gaze darts to his wedding ring, too. It makes his own ring feel heavier, in a good way, and he knows there is truth in his words, and he has proved it countless times already during the years.

They are a team, a great one, and he supposes they have been a team since the night of the solar flares, and while he knew the whole time that a job offer couldn’t derail what they have, he is still a bit overwhelmed how well he is taking it and the amount of support he is offering him unconditionally.

“That,” he says, nodding towards the ring he has put on his finger a little over a year ago, “doesn’t mean you have to potentially blindly follow me across the state.”

It’s about his career, and he knows that ultimately it comes down to him if he wants to accept the offer, but he knows it’s going to have to be a mutual decision. He is not going to force him to move into a different city and leave his family and a place he calls home behind, and especially if he is not completely in on the plan, too.

“Nope,” he agrees, “and I like Austin. Our family and friends are here, and it feels like home, but I also meant my wedding vows, I literally took them as an oath. And I intend to keep my word when it comes to you.”

TK wraps his fingers around his wrist and slides them lower so that he can intertwine their fingers. His hand feels warm against his and it is more comforting that he can even describe.

Their wedding was sort of small. Just their closest friends and family, all their loved ones in one place. It was beautiful ceremony and it felt like them, and they had gone big on the parts they wanted to, and one of those parts had been the vows.

Carlos had spent months trying to perfect his own vows, and TK’s vows still are absolutely one of the most beautiful and touching things anyone has ever said to him. He had teared up because his vows had been so full of love and it had felt a little surreal that he got to be in the receiving part of it.

A short part of the vows were in Spanish. Ever since their relationship got official, TK had gotten in his head that he wanted to learn Spanish, and while he didn’t have to and it hadn’t been necessary in any way, he had attended some online courses and done independent studying. It had been a slow process, and Carlos still wouldn’t call him fluent, but his skills are definitely more than decent.

Still, the idea that he had learned an entire language for him makes his heart flutter. His accent is still bit off, but it’s so incredibly endearing that he hasn’t had the heart to correct him.

Carlos still has the piece of paper TK had written the vows on, and he knows TK has kept his piece of paper safe, too. He can admit that he sometimes reads it through and wonders how in hell he ended up so in love and so lucky.

“So, did I,” he replies, gently caressing his thumb with his own.

He hasn’t read the vows he wrote since the wedding, but he still can recall them word by word, and he had been completely serious about them and meant every single word, and he had vowed that he would cherish his happiness and love as if it was the most precious thing in the world he has ever had.

He still wants to honour those vows and do exactly as he promised to do.

“I know,” he breathes out, “and if you really want to take the job, then you should. And if you decide to do that, then we’ll have a real talk and figure it all out.”

He kisses his forehead and lets his lips linger there for a moment. “I love you,” he whispers.

“So you have said,” TK tells him, with a dazzling grin on his face, and he knows they will be alright no matter what.

***

Carlos has had the rule of keeping his personal and professional lives separate. After TK and befriending the entire crew of 126 had obviously blurred the lines a bit, and suddenly personal life made its way to workplace and scenes, and while he tried to stick to professionalism, he let the rules loosen up a bit.

When he realised that he kept casually running into his father-in-law and bunch of people who considered themselves to be equivalent of siblings of his husband, he had completely given up the distinction of work and personal life.

Let alone the fact that he kept running into his actual husband, who has Strand-Reyes stitched into the place of his last name on his uniforms. It’s definitely cramped there because the space for last name isn’t that big, but the sight of it never fails to make him smile.

So, as he has accepted that he half-works with people who he ends up spending all the holidays and most of his free time with, he longer feels awkward if he looks for TK once they have cleared up a scene.

They are once again on the same call. It’s nothing too messy, a car crash in the middle of the road. His partner is still directing the traffic as 126 is cleaning up the last of the debris and drying up some oil that leaked from another car.

“Hey,” he greets when he walks up to him next to the fire truck.

“Hey. How’s the most handsome first responder in Austin doing?”

Carlos grins as he glances at the ground. He briefly wonders how on earth he changed from making his own rules to separate work and personal life to shamelessly flirting with his husband on scene. “I don’t know, how are you doing?”

“Hah, real funny,” he shoots back, and his smile is bright, and he looks genuinely delighted to see him, even though they only saw each other six hours ago when they both left for their respective shifts.

He knows he could wait until they are both home, but their shifts overlap a bit, and he supposes this is as good moment as any.

“I turned down the job in Dallas,” he says, as he looks at Marjan and Mateo finishing up the cleaning process on the road.

“Oh.”

The uncertainness has now found its way to his face.

“It didn’t feel right to take it,” he explains.

The more he thought about it, the less he wanted to move. His parents and most of his sisters live in Austin or near it. Most of TK’s family lives there, too and he knows that he would have moved with him if he had asked, but leaving 126 behind would have devastated him.

Besides, he knows Austin like the back of his own hand. He knows people there and the communities and he is almost fond of his precinct too, and leaving all that behind felt just fundamentally wrong.

Dallas isn’t that far away, but it still hadn’t felt like the right decision.

“Okay.”

“I spoke to my captain, she said there should be job openings here within a year too, if everyone follows their retirement plans,” he adds.

“That’s great,” he tells him, with a low chuckle. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve got everything I need right here,” he replies, pointedly looking only at him with fondness.

TK bites his lower lip as he laughs. “If you’re happy, then that’s all that matters.”

“I am.”

“Good,” he breathes out and grins at him before he reaches to kiss him, quickly and briefly. His work and personal lives are irrevocably intertwined, and he couldn’t care less.

“I’m still proud of you.”

He opens up his mouth to answer, but before he gets anything out, Judd interrupts them. “Hey lovebirds, break it up. We gotta go.”

He hears a collective groaning and exasperated sighs. “How long can their honeymoon phase possibly last?” Matteo complains. “Another five years?”

He laughs, but he sort of hopes he never gets tired or less delighted to see him. He still gets the same thrill as he did when he first saw him and realised that there was something worth pursuing between them.

“Be safe.”

“You too.”

[lilacgillian]

Sergeant Strand

Fandom: 9-1-1 Lone Star Pairing: TK Strand/Carlos Reyes Rating: T Summary: Carlos Reyes, new captain of the 126 meets Sergeant Strand

This is not a continuation of Officer Strand! I had this idea when I wrote Officer Strand, but ultimately ended up posting that one first. Carlos is the captain of the 126 in this one and TK is a police sergeant! I’m not entirely sure where Owen is so I’ll leave that up to the imagination. I like really fucking love firefighter!carlos and cop!tk and I’m not even sorry about it. Also posted on AO3

-

Today had been a slow day with the 126. It had just been rebuilt for a few weeks now and a constant stream of calls, he loved it though. The thrill of adrenaline each time the alarm went off would never get old. Although it was nice when there were times when things calmed down and he could relax.

The end of his shift was nearing in a of couple hours, he silently hoped that they wouldn’t get any calls before then. The rigs had been cleaned and serviced, the floors swept and mopped, paperwork finished. Everything was set for the next shift to come in.

Carlos made his way to his office, slumping down in his desk chair and letting out a sigh. He spun his chair to face the large window with a full view of the firehouse below him. Sometimes he just liked to watch the team bustle around; keeping themselves busy. It was calming in a way, knowing everyone was okay in that moment. No scares of a call.

His peace was incredibly short lived as the alarm blared loudly, signaling a call had come in. Carlos jumped up, sprinting down the main floor of the house and listening to dispatch tell them the nature of a call. Car crash, no fatal injuries as far as he knows. He pulled on his gear, talking on his radio as he jogged over to the rig.

Pulling up to the scene Carlos immediately noticed the police presence. Surrounding the area and keeping civilians away. As they parked the rig Carlos jumped out, instructing him team to asses the damage. An officer with a sergeant insignia stamped on the shoulder of his uniform met Carlos as he made his way over to the cars. He noticed a silver pickup and a maroon hatchback. The car looked to have taken the brunt of the impact.

“Captain Reyes, right? I’m Sergeant Strand.”

“Nice to meet you, Sergeant. What’s it looking like?”

“Three people in the silver pickup, all out safely. A woman, around thirty five is trapped in the maroon hatchback. I can’t say much on her condition but we did everything we could before you got here.” the sergeant said. Carlos nodded.

“Help the others get checked over by EMS,” Carlos told the sergeant as he went to help his team.

The woman was stable, but trapped under the steering column. They got her out and loaded her onto a backboard, letting EMS take over from there. She would be sore for a few weeks, but ultimately okay.

Carlos breathed a sigh of relief, he liked knowing everyone was going to be okay. After the scene was cleared the sergeant from earlier came over, hands resting on his belt.

“Impressive work. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a team work as seamlessly as you guys,” he said, smiling a bit.

“Thanks. And thank you for doing everything you could until we got here. It’s makes the job easier knowing you were helping out.”

“No, problem,” the sergeant smiled. Carlos smiled too, jumping into the rig with the rest of his crew.

Once they got back to the firehouse Paul suggested they all go out for drinks, to celebrate a successful day. Everyone agreed with a series of cheers, going off to take their showers and change into their normal clothes.

They all met back at the bay doors, watching as the next shift came in. They agreed to meet at the bar, asking Carlos to save them a couple tables.

On his way to the bar Carlos couldn’t get that Sergeant out of his head, at the scene his mind was purely focused on saving the woman. But at the end, when Sergeant Strand came up to him and smiled it made his stomach do a flip. Carlos hadn’t seen anyone since the academy, he had a friend with benefits during that time. They got each other off and went their separate ways. At times Carlos longed for more, but he knew the feelings weren’t reciprocated. He never even tried acting on them, in fear of making a fool of himself. The guy moved on and away from Texas. He went to Los Angeles, said something about how their department was better. Carlos was happy for him.

Sergeant Strand was definitely very pretty, with green eyes the color of sage. He had a relaxed air about him that made Carlos feel… comfortable. It was odd, but intoxicating in a way Carlos hadn’t felt since the academy.

Carlos willed himself to stop thinking about either man. His fling from the academy had moved on and the sergeant was someone he would only ever seen on calls. He was being stupid, letting his loneliness get the best of him. He didn’t need anyone in his life, but maybe he’d find someone at the bar tonight for a bit of fun. It had been awful long while.

Carlos parked, making his way in and ordering a few pitchers of beer and a water for Marjan as he found a couple tables. As he waited for the rest of the team to show up he noticed a familiar face sitting a few tables away. That unmistakable jawline and full lips drawing him in.

The sergeant looked up and caught Carlos’ eyes, grinning cheekily as he sipped what looked to be water. Carlos smiled, tilting his head a bit as he watched the man. He wore a dark navy, possibly black, button down with white dots covering it. The first few buttons undone showing his chest, cuffed sleeves showing off his arms. He noticed Carlos staring and winked playfully.

Carlos tore his eyes away slowly as he heard chairs scraping along the floor and the chatter of his team.

“Hey, Cap!” Marjan said in greeting with a bright smile. She had changed her Hijab to a beautiful dusty pink one with gold detailing.

“Hey, Marjan! I got you a water,” Carlos smiled too, pushing the water towards her.

“So thoughtful,” she grinned, taking a sip. He greeted everyone else as they served themselves from the pitchers.

They talked about anything and everything, Carlos smiling contently as he listened to them for the most part. He was incredibly lucky to have a team, a family as amazing as them.

Music started louder than before and Judd grinned, telling everyone it was time for the line dancing. Laughs filled the air around them as he pulled them all to the middle of the floor and started dancing. Carlos stayed in his seat, watching his team with fondness.

Carlos felt someone come to stand beside him, resting their hand on the edge of the table. He looked over to come face to face with none other than Sergeant Strand. The man was smiling with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“So Captain, care to dance?” Carlos smiled, biting his lip, sliding out of his chair.

“As long as you promise not to show me up.” The sergeant laughed, tilting his head back.

“I promise you have nothing to worry about. I just moved here, I have no clue how to line dance.”

“Well in that case, Sergeant, let me show you how it’s done,” Carlos grinned, taking the mans hand and leading to the dance floor. Carlos fell into step with everyone around him and watched as the sergeant fumbled a bit before he got the hang of it.

The man looked over at Carlos and smiled brightly, “What’s your name? I mean, Captain Reyes is certainly a turn on, don’t get me wrong.”

Carlos laughed, “it’s Carlos. Care to tell me yours, Sergeant?”

“TK.”

“I’m assuming you won’t tell me what that stands for,” Carlos laughed, strangely giddy with finally being able to call him something else besides Sergeant Strand.

“Your assumption is correct,” TK said, falling out the dance as he moved closer to Carlos, “but maybe in time.”

Everyone had stopped line dancing in favor of just moving around however their hearts desired. Carlos, smiled, watching as TK shook his shoulders to the beat. Carlos did the same, clapping every once in awhile as him and TK moved to the music.

They danced together for what felt like hours before TK grabbed Carlos’ wrist, pulling him through the throng of people and out the back door.

Carlos could feel the tension surrounding them as he shoved TK against the building, capturing his lips in a searing kiss. TK kissed back, raking a hang through Carlos’ hair as he used the other to grab his ass. Carlos slotted his leg between TK’s as he trailed wet kisses along the mans jaw, trailing downward.

Breathless, TK spoke up, “I thought I was the one who shoved people up against buildings.”

Carlos laughed, continuing his onslaught of kissing down TK’s neck. “Not tonight, Sergeant. I’m afraid I’ll be doing all the manhandling.”

“Well in that case hurry up and take me home.” Carlos pulled away from TK’s neck, guiding them to his car.

He didn’t need to be told twice.

[marjansmarwani]

tender-hearted sadness pulls me through the day

7.9k || ao3

Carlos is hurt, badly, and TK is faced both with the awful possibility of losing him and the fact that his parents still don't know about them. He promised Carlos he could tell them in his own time though, and he doesn't intend to break that promise for anything. Even if it means he can't be there, even if it means he has to hope from a distance. He would do anything for Carlos, after all.

aka that Carlos’s parent’s fic I’ve been working on for what feels like forever. It’s finally done and since @officereyes was the one who insisted I write it in the first place and it is her birthday, it feels only right to offer it as a part 2/on the actual correct day gift (surprise). I hope you enjoy it Jamie! 

This idea was also requested by @noxsoulmate after I had already started writing it so I also hope you enjoy, and that it was worth the wait! This was started around the same time that 2x04 aired so it is definitely no longer canon compliant, though I did tweak a few things as the season progressed. Thanks to @justaswampdemon for reading through it last night to tell me if any of it actually made sense or not because I wasn’t sure after working on it for so long!

--------------------

TK couldn’t stop staring at his hands. 

They were shaking and though he had nearly scrubbed them raw he could still feel the memory of the blood that had coated them only a half-hour before. It was Carlos’s blood and the reminder sent his hands trembling all over again. The sight of the accident was still so fresh in his mind. It was everywhere, trapped in all of his senses — the fear of realizing just who it was trapped in the crushed vehicle, the overwhelming scent of the blood stuck in his head, the sound of the heart monitor flatlining and his own desperate pleas for Carlos to stay with them, the helplessness of Carlos’s life leaking away under his fingers — he couldn't shake it. He knew he wasn’t likely to until he saw Carlos, until he had proof that he was okay. 

But he was also a medic and he knew that the alternative, the thing he was trying so hard not to think about, to not put any energy into, was just as likely an outcome as any.  

His anxiety spiral is interrupted by the sound of frantic footsteps that pause as they grow closer to his seat. 

“TJ?” 

He sat bolt upright at the sight of Carlos’s parents, expressions tense and eyes full of fear, before him. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Reyes,” he stammered, standing up and shoving his shaking hands into the pockets of his pants, “hi. Uh, have they told you anything yet?”

“No,” Mrs. Reyes said fearfully, “we just got here.” 

TK nodded, anxiously twisting at the interior of his pockets, “I’m sure someone will be by soon,” he assured her, “he’s only been here for about an hour.”

“And how long have you been here?” Carlos’s father asked him, studying him with a piercing gaze. 

“About an hour,” TK repeated, “I was on shift, we responded to the accident. I rode in on the ambulance with him and since it was the end of my shift anyways and my Captain knows Carlos and I are...close, she told me just to stay.” 

He met Mr. Reyes’s gaze, refusing to look away and hoping desperately that he hadn’t noticed his falter. It wasn’t a lie, but the omission weighed on him. Never once since their start had he denied his feelings for Carlos. He had made that mistake once, in the very beginning, and it had nearly prevented what they had become. But he had no other choice; he had made Carlos a promise. And he wouldn’t break it, not for anything. 

The other man’s father nodded, eyes zeroing in on the paramedic badge on his shirt. “I thought you said you were a firefighter?” 

“I was, the paramedic thing is pretty new. We lost one at our station, during the volcano, and I was already dual certified from New York so…” he trailed off with a shrug, his gaze drifting from the parents before him to the doors of the trauma wing Carlos had been wheeled into upon their arrival. 

“You treated him?” 

TK snapped his gaze back to find Mrs. Reyes looking at him with wide eyes. He swallowed, and nodded, “I did, ma’am,” he confirmed, voice soft with repressed emotion. 

“And?” she asked him desperately, eyes shining with unshed tears, “How is he? How is my boy?”

How did he tell them? How did you tell your boyfriend’s parents that not even an hour ago you had been scared out of your mind that he was going to die in your arms even as you and your team worked desperately to save him? How did you do all of that without showing the emotion, how did you do that when they don’t know — when they can’t know — that his presence is what allows you to sleep soundly each night, that his smile is the thing you most look forward to seeing each and every day? 

They were both looking at him as if he held all the answers and to be fair, he did. In terms of what had happened, at least. He was just as clueless as anyone else as to what would come next.

“He was involved in a very serious accident,” he settled on. “He lost a lot of blood but we managed to get him stabilized in the field. That’s all I know though. If I knew more…” 

He trailed off but Carlos’s mother shook her head, reaching out to place a warm and trembling hand on his arm, “Thank you,” she told him, “for telling us, and for saving him. Carlitos is so lucky to have such a wonderful friend.” 

“Of course,” he said without hesitation, even though her well-intentioned words stung, even though he had to swallow what would have come next: he would do anything for Carlos. 

------------

It’s another few hours before his dad and the rest of the 126 show up. He may have been exaggerating when he had told Mrs. Reyes that his shift was ending when they arrived at the hospital. The reality was that Tommy had told him to stay. She had said that she and Nancy could handle the last few hours without him and that he would be too distracted to focus for the remainder of the shift so he may as well just stay. She had been right, but that meant there had still been a shift to be finished before anyone else was available to join his vigil. 

A doctor had come by, a short while ago to give them an update. The surgery had gone well and while they had repaired the damage, they cautioned them that he was not out of danger yet, that the next several hours would be key. The knowledge had settled like a lead weight in TK’s stomach, the dread seeping through his veins. He saw his own fear clearly reflected in the eyes of Carlos’s parents and knows that they are all connected by it, even if they don’t know it. 

When the doctor told them that Carlos was being moved to a recovery room where he would be closely monitored and that a nurse would be by when he was settled to let them know, TK realized a whole other layer to this nightmare. He won’t be able to be there. There is no way he can justify sitting by Carlos’s bedside to his parents as a “friend from work.” In order to be there for Carlos, he would have to tell them the truth, and he can’t do that. Not when he made Carlos a promise. 

That’s how his team finds him: alone in the waiting room, leg anxiously bouncing against the floor as he stares in the direction of the recovery rooms, wanting nothing more than to be able to be beside Carlos, to have concrete evidence that he hadn’t lost him. 

He allowed himself to be pulled into hugs and subjected to comforting pats before anyone asks the question he’s been dreading. It’s Marjan that does, her unwavering and empathetic gaze studying him as she speaks the words: “Is he still in surgery?” 

“No, he’s in recovery now.” TK assured them, allowing them a moment to take a breath of relief before he continued, “The doctors said that the next few hours will be crucial, that those will be what really makes the difference. So we’re just...hoping for the best.” 

They all nodded, but Paul’s piercing gaze studied him, “If he’s in recovery, why are you out here and not in there?” 

TK bit his lip, turning his gaze downwards. He and Carlos hadn’t exactly shared their conflict about his parents with their friends. If TK was being honest, he had been hoping they wouldn’t ever have to, that they would cross that bridge before it ever became an issue. Clearly, the universe had other plans. 

“His parents are in there,” he replied, hoping that maybe they wouldn’t push, that maybe they could just leave it there. 

But these were their friends, and they wouldn't be so easily satisfied. 

“Is he not out to them?” Marjan asked gently, taking the seat beside him. 

“No, he’s out to them it’s just...complicated.” 

“How complicated can it be?” Judd asked as he settled into a seat across from them, “he’s out and you two are solid. Seems pretty uncomplicated to me.” 

TK didn’t know how to explain it, exactly. “They don’t know he’s in a relationship,” he settled on, “and he’s not ready to tell them. We...talked about it a few months ago, and I told him that was fine. That we could move at his pace. I mean,” he broke off here with a shrug, meeting the eyes of his teammates, “it’s the least I can do for him, right? Extend him the same understanding he gave me?”

The others exchanged glances that TK couldn’t read. Judd looked in the direction of the recovery rooms, “This ain’t right kid,” he said softly, “Carlos would want you there. You should be there.” 

TK shook his head firmly, “I promised him he could tell them on his own terms, Judd. I told him I would wait as long as he needed. I can’t make that choice for him, and I won’t. I made him a promise.” 

There was silence in the wake of his words. The others exchanged glances and TK looked away, not wanting to see their pity. He knew he was making the right choice, but that didn’t make the reality of it any easier to face. Carlos had nearly died in his arms just a few hours ago. The cold fear of losing him was still fresh in his mind, he still hadn’t been able to shake the chill from his bones. And now he was in a room just down the hall and TK couldn’t be there. Of all the challenges they had faced, this might just be the worst one yet. 

Paul let out a low breath and shook his head, “I hear you man, and it’s admirable. I get you wanting to respect Carlos’s wishes, but you’ve got to think about yourself too. Maybe it would be easier for you to not be here? Sitting here and not being able to be with him has to be hard. You could go home, wait there instead. We’ll let you know if there are any updates.” 

TK gave him a tight smile, “I appreciate it, but no. Even though I can’t be with him, I can’t imagine not being as close to him as possible. I’m not going anywhere.” 

------------

His friends come and go, but TK simply waits. He assures them that he’s fine when asked, but otherwise, he is not great company. All he can manage to do is sit quietly and wait. And hope. He takes a turn around the waiting room, he bounces his leg anxiously at his seat, he fiddles with his necklace. He does everything he can to keep his body busy while his mind is fully occupied. 

He knows that right down the hall his boyfriend, the person who he might just love more than anyone else on this planet, is in a medically induced coma. He knows that he can’t be there, and he knows why. 

That doesn’t mean he hates it any less. 

That also doesn’t mean that the last image he has of Carlos — bloody and crashing on a gurney being rushed to a trauma room — is going to leave his mind any time soon. He needs to see him. He needs visual confirmation to cancel out the nightmare image running through his head. He knows that he can’t, not right now, but he won’t leave until he can. 

The waiting room empties and fills again several times during his vigil. The daylight he had entered in had faded long ago and the dark night sky was visible each time the hospital doors slid open. It was still a few hours before he saw Mr. and Mrs. Reyes leave from his corner of the waiting room. They stepped through the hospital doors hand in hand, Mr. Reyes rubbing comforting circles on his wife’s back as they headed back to their car, presumably to go home and get a few hours of sleep. 

TK, who had been coming close to dozing off in his seat, was suddenly wide awake. Carlos’s parents were gone, he could go see him.  He was out of his seat in an instant, his feet carrying him towards the door he had been staring at all day before his head could properly catch up. It wasn’t until he neared the door that he slowed, that he processed. 

It felt almost wrong to be sneaking in. He felt almost guilty for waiting for Carlos’s parents to leave, for jumping on the opportunity the moment it presented itself. But he needed to see Carlos. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to settle until he did. He could not have the last image of him in his mind be what he had looked like when they exited the ambulance. He may have gotten the same updates from the doctor but that did nothing to ease his fear. He had nearly felt Carlos die under his hands all those hours ago. He needed to feel him breathing too. 

He stepped in quietly, though he knew there was no danger of waking him. He had barely made it over the threshold before he froze, nearly toppled by the wrongness of seeing Carlos so still. To the casual observer, he probably looked like he was sleeping. But TK knew Carlos Reyes. The man was an energetic sleeper. He moved constantly in the night, always shifting and reaching out to pull TK closer when he felt he had strayed too far away. Always striving to press his body against his, always keeping them close; even in sleep. But it was more than that. His face was all wrong. Carlos’s face was expressive, even in sleep. Whatever he was thinking or feeling or dreaming was always laid out in full display for TK to read but now his face was blank. That more than anything struck TK as so foreign, so unusual. 

He took a deep, wavering breath as he crossed the room, running his eyes over him as he drew closer. From the outside, he didn’t look too badly injured, but TK knew with a cold certainty that most of the damage was hidden by bandages under the blankets. He knew that there was so much more to this than met the eye, that as wrong as Carlos looked in this bed it was a far sight better than the alternative — than what he had feared from the moment they arrived on the scene. 

“Hey babe,” he said softly as he reached the side of the bed, reaching out to run a hand through Carlos’s curls, “you look better than you did earlier. I hope you’re feeling better too.” 

He paused here, taking another moment to study him up close now. He bit his lip against the tears that wanted to come. He didn’t know how much time he would have here, he wasn’t going to waste any of it crying. 

“I know it’s going to take some time,” he said instead when he managed to steady his voice, “and I want you to know you should take all the time you need. We’ll be fine until you’re ready. I’ll be fine. I just,” he broke off, took a steadying breath, and started again, “I just want you to know that I probably won’t be here a lot, just in case you ever wonder why you can’t hear me, if you can hear any of us. I need you to know it’s not because I don’t want to be here or that I don’t love you. Because I do, so much. And there is nowhere I would rather be than right here with you at all times. But I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it. It’s…” he trailed off, taking another breath as he leaned forward, taking Carlos’s hand in his own, “it’s the least I can do,” he finished softly. 

He lapsed into silence then, savoring in the sight of his chest lightly rising and falling with each breath. Not so long ago he thought he might never see that again. He had never realized just how much he had taken the concept for granted. He vowed that he never would again. 

He leaned forward now, resting his head on the arm not intertwined with Carlos’s. “I just need you to come back to us,” he said quietly. “I need you to come back to me. I don’t want to face life without you. Don’t make me, please.” 

Even though he knew there would be no reaction, even though he knew the other man was heavily sedated, he studied his face for any hint of recognition, any glimmer of hope he could sustain himself with. There was none and it was that truth and the weight of Carlos’s hand in his that saw him off into a fitful sleep. 

------------

The sound of footsteps woke TK, causing him to sit bolt upright and glance around frantically, heart thudding in his chest. 

“Relax,” an unfamiliar voice instructed, “we definitely don’t need a cardiac patient on our hands, on top of everything else.” 

It took several tries to blink the sleep out his eyes before he could make out the scene in front of him. He was in Carlos’s room. He must have fallen asleep here. He pulled himself fully upright, stretching and rubbing at the back of his neck with a grimace as he studied the nurse checking Carlos’s vitals. She glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow, “Good morning.” 

“What time is it?” he croaked out. 

“Just past 6, so I’d imagine if anyone were to come back after going home to sleep for the night they’d likely be back soon.”

“How’d you…” 

She shrugged as she checked Carlos’s IV, “Call it an educated guess. I mean, I know you paramedics are pretty dedicated but I have yet to see any of you spend an entire day in the waiting room for a patient. Figured there had to be a bit more to it than meets the eye. That, or I have to call security on you.”

“He’s my boyfriend,” TK said softly, reaching out to take Carlos’s limp hand in his own, tenderly rubbing his thumb across it, “but his parents don’t really know. It’s...complicated.” 

The nurse’s eyes softened as she studied him, “You probably have almost an hour before anyone else shows up, visiting hours don’t officially start until 7 anyways. After that, you should try to get some sleep. You’re starting to look like you should have a bed of your own.”

TK shook his head, “I’m fine, thanks.” 

“Uh-huh,” she said, sounding wholly unconvinced. “Well if you are around later and want an update feel free to ask for me at the nurses’ station. My name’s Becky.” 

“Thank you, Becky,” he said with a small smile, “you have no idea how much I appreciate that.” 

She waved off his thanks as she headed towards the door. She paused on the threshold, turning back to study him again, “Hey, Paramedic?” 

“TK,” he provided. 

“TK, then. If I find out you’re lying to me and that I should have called security…” 

He gave her a grin and a tired laugh, “Then you know where I work,” he reminded her, gesturing towards his uniform, “pretty sure you’ll be able to track me down.” 

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I hope everything works out for you two and for what it’s worth, he’s doing okay.” 

“Thanks, Becky,” he said softly, turning his gaze back to Carlos’s still form before Becky smiled at them from the doorway and stepped quietly out of the room, shutting the door behind her. 

--------------------

 “This is an intervention,” Paul announced. 

TK looked up sharply to see his team gathered around him several hours later. He had slipped back into the waiting room around 6:30, heedful of Becky’s warning. It was now just past 10 and he was currently being stared down by his team. He furrowed his brow in confusion and was just about to ask exactly what the hell Paul meant by that when Marjan continued. 

“You’ve been here for over 24 hours now, TK. You’re still wearing yesterday’s uniform, you haven’t eaten and I doubt you’ve slept much.”

“I got a few hours!” he interjected but faltered when he was met with 4 equally unimpressed looks. 

“And while I’m sure that was adequate sleep,” she continued in a tone that made it clear she did not in fact believe that, “you need more than that. Preferably in a bed. Preferably in your own bed.” 

TK looked down and Judd continued, voice gentle, “You need to take care of yourself, kid. You can’t be there for him if you keel over. Let us help you out.”

TK bit at his lip. He knew they were right, logically. There was only so long he could keep this up. Soon enough his body would start protesting. He could already feel the effects of little sleep and no food in his sluggish thoughts. Realistically he knew they were right, but he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Carlos. He wasn’t out of the woods yet. The thought that something might happen when he wasn’t there was enough to keep him rooted to his spot in the waiting room, consequences be damned. “I can’t leave him,” he choked out, “if something were to happen…” 

He trailed off, but Paul simply shook his head, “Nope, you’re coming with us. Judd and I are going to take you home. You’re going to shower, change, eat something and get at least 4 hours of sleep. Then - and only then - we’ll bring you back. Marjan and Mateo will stay here and let us know if anything changes. If it does we’ll bring you right back, promise.” 

TK scanned the faces of his friends. They wore matching looks of determination, and he knew that this was not an argument he was going to win. He nodded, pulling himself out of his seat and throwing another glance in the direction of Carlos’s room. He felt a hand on his arm and looked over to see Marjan giving him a sad smile, “Don’t worry, we won’t let you miss anything.” 

“Yeah dude, we’ve got this!” Mateo assured him as he plopped into an empty seat. 

TK gave them both a grateful smile. He wished he could have offered more, but he couldn’t find the words. Nothing his mind produced seemed adequate enough to express the level of gratitude he felt for each and every one of them. He hoped they knew. 

He allowed himself to be led to Judd’s truck and as they pulled away from the hospital, his mind began to wander. Logically, he knew Carlos was in good hands, that leaving the hospital did nothing to hurt his chances. But not being there just felt wrong, as if he was tempting fate. As if his desperate hope could only have an effect from within the same building.

TK was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice how close they were to their destination until the truck came to a halt outside of the condo. He froze as he looked at it, the thought of stepping foot inside their shared home without Carlos washing over him. He knew he was being too quiet, he knew that the other two had noticed that something was wrong. Judd eyed him in the rearview mirror.

“Is this okay?” he asked. “I can bring you to your dad’s if you’d rather, but I figured all your stuff is here so…” 

“No,” TK said, voice too soft. “No,” he tried again, voice a little more sure this time, “you’re right Judd, all my stuff is here. It’s fine, really. Thanks for driving me.” 

“Yeah, we’re not just going to leave you,” Paul told him, pushing open the passenger side door and climbing out, “we’re staying with you to make sure you actually do the things covered in our bargain. Plus,” he added in a gentler tone as he opened TK’s door and met his eyes, “you don’t need to be alone right now.” 

TK swallowed and nodded. He slid out of the truck without a word, crossing to the front door and pulling his keys out of his pocket. He inserted his key into the door with trembling hands and pushed it open, holding it open behind him for Judd and Paul. Once they were all inside he shut it behind them, the sound of the lock clicking into place the only sound. They stood in silence as TK looked around, trying to take in the once familiar surroundings that now felt so foreign. The clutter of day to day life was scattered throughout the living space, left waiting for them to return home and resume their lives. It was a cruel reminder of just how sudden this had been; of how much they stood to lose. 

Paul gave him a gentle shove towards the stairs, interrupting his reverie, “Go and get showered and changed, we’ll work on the food. Come back down when you’re ready.” 

TK nodded and ascended the stairs without a word. He entered their bedroom without really looking at anything, making a beeline for the dresser so as to avoid the sight of the haphazardly made bed; left rumpled when they had both decided on a late start the previous morning, abandoning their usual morning routine in favor of other pursuits. He grabbed the first pants and hoodie he found, pulling them out and heading to the bathroom without even a glance at the garments in his hand. 

Several minutes later he was forced to admit that the hot water felt good. It revived him in a way the restless sleep at Carlos’s bedside hadn’t, and it allowed him to peel back the layers of everything to find some of the positives. Namely that Carlos had survived surgery, that while he wasn’t out of the woods there had been no changes for the worst (or for the better, but a hot shower was a place for optimism.)

He stepped out feeling renewed. As he reached for his towel he reminded himself that it hadn’t even been 36 hours. In the grand scheme of things, that was practically nothing. For injuries like those, it was perfectly normal. There was no reason to expect the worst, not yet. 

He pulled on the clothes he had grabbed, soft joggers and one of Carlos’s APD hoodies that he had claimed as his own months ago and tried to keep focusing on the positives, but his optimism faded along with the lingering warmth of the shower. Maybe the worst hadn’t happened and he was certainly grateful for that, but where they were was a world away from “good.” 

He made his way down the stairs, turning the corner to find Judd and Paul in quiet conversation in the kitchen. They looked up when he appeared, Judd answering the question on his lips before he could even ask it: “No, no updates from the other two. Seems like all’s quiet there.” 

TK nodded gratefully and slid into the seat across from them. Judd slid a bowl of something that TK knew objectively should smell amazing in front of him, but all he could do was stare at it. 

“Thank you, but…” 

“No,” Judd cut him off firmly, “you need to eat. Unless you want to be the one to tell my wife that you wouldn’t eat the food she sent over for you?” 

TK sighed and picked up the fork pointedly taking a bite, and Judd huffed out a laugh, “Smart choice.”  

The other two returned to their own bowls and they ate in companionable silence. TK appreciated their understanding. He was beyond grateful to his friends for everything, but even the thought of any conversation right in this moment felt like torture. The only thoughts he could manage right now were of Carlos, and the checklist of tasks required by his team before he would be allowed to return. 

He finished his food in silence, getting up and crossing to the sink to rinse it out and place it in the dishwasher. He had just reached the sink when a hand stopped him, taking the bowl from his grasp. 

“I’ve got this,” Judd told him, “you need sleep.”

“4 hours,” Paul reminded him from the counter, “in a bed.” 

“If there are any updates…”

“We’ll let you know,” Paul assured him. 

TK swallowed and nodded, turning and heading back upstairs with a soft thanks. He entered their bedroom again, this time unable to ignore the queen-sized elephant in the room. He lowered himself onto his side of the bed, muscle memory guiding him to lay on his left side, giving him a full view of Carlos’s empty pillow. 

The sight of him hit him harder than anything else and suddenly he felt as if walls were closing in around him. All the feelings he had been pushing back, holding at bay so he didn’t fall apart at the wrong moment breached his tenuous barriers. The catalyst grew harder to see as his vision was clouded with tears. He rolled over, turning his back to the reminder as his body shook with sobs too long repressed. He let 36 hours of pain and fear and panic out as he lay in their bed, hoping desperately that the aching emptiness beside him did not become his new reality. 

Eventually, he drifted off into a fitful sleep; head resting on his tear-soaked pillow and clinging to the desperate hope that when he woke up, things would look better. 

————-

Things didn’t look much better when he woke up, but his head did feel a little clearer. 

He woke with a jolt at the sensation of someone lightly shaking him. He sat up quickly to find Paul standing next to him, hands raised in a placating manner, “Easy man, it’s just me.” 

TK could feel fear creeping through his mind. If Paul was waking him up then…

“What happened?” he choked out. He knew he shouldn’t have left. He should have fought them more, he should have insisted on staying, no matter what. 

“Nothing,” Paul assured him, voice even and soothing, “everything’s fine. It’s just been a bit over 4 hours and while personally, I would love to let you sleep longer I figured it was only fair to wake you up and let you decide. There are no new updates and no one is going to judge you for taking the time to get a little more sleep.” 

TK took a shuddering breath, willing his heart rate to go back to normal. He shook his head and pulled himself out of the bed, “No, I should be getting back. Thank you though,” he added to Paul, “for waking me up, for everything, really.” 

“Of course man. We meant what we said: we’re here for you. I can’t imagine how hard this is, especially given everything, but you’re not alone in this. Don’t forget that. We all care about Carlos too, and we care about you.” 

TK looked down, not sure quite how to respond to that. Thankfully, Paul knew him well. His friend put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. TK looked up and gave him a smile that Paul returned, “Take some time to get ready, Judd and I will be ready to leave when you are.” 

He nodded again and watched as Paul stepped out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He then took a breath to steady himself before he surveyed the room, actually thinking about what he might need this time around. He grabbed his phone charger and shoved it into his pocket but couldn’t think of anything else he might need. All he could think about was getting back to the hospital as soon as possible. He met the other two downstairs and at his nod they head out without a word, TK only pausing on the threshold for a moment as he glanced back at the empty condo. Soon he would be coming back here, with Carlos. He was sure of it; no other option was acceptable. 

He shut the door behind him, turning his key in the lock until he heard the telltale click, and climbed into Judd’s truck for a silent ride to the hospital. When they arrived, he went to climb out but was stopped by Judd’s voice as the older man turned to look at him from the driver’s seat. 

“I know you’re worried about him brother,” he said softly. “I can’t even imagine what it must feel like and what a mess I would be if it were Grace, but you still need to take care of yourself, remember that.”  

TK swallowed down the emotions that rose up as he met Judd’s eyes.There was so much understanding in them and he knew that the other man knew what he was going through more than most. He gave him a nod, and a promise: “I’ll try.” 

Judd nodded in satisfaction and TK climbed the rest of the way out of the backseat, giving his two friends a wave before he stepped out and headed back inside. He immediately headed to the nurses’ station and was about to ask for Becky when a familiar voice sounded behind him. 

“TJ? What are you doing back here.” 

TK froze at the sound of Mrs. Reyes’s voice. “Hi, Mrs. Reyes,” he began, “I was just checking in to see how Carlos was doing.”

The older woman’s expression softened and she reached out a hand to lay on his arm, “You are such a good person, my son is so lucky to have you as a friend.” 

TK swallowed down the bile at the word, at the reminder of why he couldn’t be in there with Carlos. “How is he?” he managed to ask in a normal tone, “Has there been any change?” 

Mrs. Reyes shook her head sadly, “No, but the doctors say that is to be expected right now. They say that if things remain as they are they will likely start weaning him off the sedation soon, so I guess that’s a good sign.” 

“It is, he assured her, because despite everything she looked worried and he didn’t want her to suffer. “It’s a very good sign. Normal means that nothing is wrong, that things are healing. Paramedic,” he reminded her with a shrug when she shot him a curious glance, “I’m no doctor but I do know a decent amount about traumatic injuries.” 

She smiled at him and squeezed his arm, “And I am so glad my Carlitos had someone like you working on him. I know it couldn’t have been easy to see someone you care about hurt like that but you helped to give him a fighting chance. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.” 

“No thanks needed,” he told her softly, “it’s my job.” 

“Still,” she insisted, pulling him into a hug. “I am so glad you are my son’s friend. He deserves wonderful people like you in his life.” 

TK stiffened in the hug, her words hitting wounds she didn’t even know existed. He cleared his throat as he gently pulled away. “Thank you for the update,” he told her, “I appreciate it.” 

She nodded, “Would you like to come sit with him for a bit? We don’t mind, there is plenty of room.” 

The thought of being so close to Carlos but not being able to hold him, of having to stay distant so as not to blow their secret in front of his parents was too much. He was certain he wasn’t strong enough for that. 

“Thank you,” he told her, “but I should get going. I don’t want to intrude and I just wanted to see how he was doing.”

“Of course,” she told him warmly, “but if you change your mind, feel free to stop by.” 

He nodded and with one last hug she let him go and he stepped away, heading towards the doors. He didn’t know where he was going, there was nowhere else for him to go. He needed to be here, but he couldn’t be in there with them. He couldn’t be so close without revealing their relationship and he refused to do that to Carlos. 

He stepped outside into the late afternoon sunlight, trying to decide what to do next. Trying to tamp down on the tears threatening to rise. It was too much. He had thought he was strong enough to handle this but he wasn’t. He couldn’t do this. 

“TK?” 

His name, said like a question from a familiar voice, caused him to turn to see Marjan heading towards him, a tray of coffees in her hand and a frown on her face. 

“Hey Marj,” he said, hoping his voice sounded normal. Judging by the look on her face, he failed. 

“What happened? Paul said you just got back. Is there any news? Mateo and I have been keeping an eye out but we didn’t see…” 

“No,” he assured her, “no, you didn’t miss anything. Things are still fine. I just…” he trailed off, took a breath and started again. “I just ran into Carlos’s mother. She was very pleasant; offered to let me sit in the room with them. Told me what a good friend I was to her son.” 

Marjan’s face dropped, “TK,” she said softly, but any response he could have given was swallowed by the tears he couldn’t stop. He thought he had gotten them all out a few hours ago as he lay in their bed, but clearly he was wrong. There were still plenty more. He felt arms wrap around him as Marjan pulled him into a hug, simply holding him as he cried. 

--------------

TK was thumbing through the book Paul left him when Becky approached him. His heart was immediately in his throat and he was about to ask her what was wrong when he noticed that she was grinning. 

“He’s awake,” she informed him, “has been for a little bit now. The doctors are running some tests right now so his parents have stepped out, but they should be done shortly, if you want to go see him.” 

“Yes,” TK said immediately, “of course. Thank you.” 

Becky gave him a warm smile, “It’s the least I could do. I do love a happy ending, after all. Give it about 5 minutes and then the doctors should be done.” 

TK nodded, hardly daring to believe that this was real. Carlos was awake. He was okay. “Thank you,” he called out to Becky again as she walked away, “really.” 

She gave him another smile before she disappeared around the corner and he was left to wait. He pulled out his phone to send a quick update in the group chat: Carlos was awake and he’d give them more details when he had them. There was a flurry of enthusiastic responses and well wishes before TK realized the 5 minutes were almost up and pulled himself out of his seat, heading towards Carlos. 

He crossed to the door almost hesitantly, not quite able to shake the fear that maybe Becky had been wrong, that maybe he was somehow imagining this whole thing. But when he stepped inside and was met with a warm, exhausted gaze from familiar brown eyes, he almost staggered in relief. 

“Carlos,” TK breathed and the weak, tired smile he received in return was without a doubt the best sight he had seen in days. 

“What are you doing way over there?” Carlos asked him and TK was across the room in an instant, skidding to a halt at Carlos’s beside and placing a tender kiss to the top of his head. He blinked away the tears threatening to fall as he studied Carlos. There was so much he wanted to say to him, so much he needed to say. He just wasn’t sure where to start. 

“Hi,” he settled on, and winced. As bedside greetings after a traumatic injury went, it wasn’t a good one. 

Thankfully, Carlos chuckled, “Hi to you too. How are you doing?”

“Me?” TK asked incredulously, “Carlos, I’m not the one who nearly died.” 

“No,” Carlos agreed, voice growing more serious as he studied him, “but my mom spent some time going on about how my friend ‘TJ’ saved my life. If that had been me and it had been you, I don’t think I would be okay.” 

TK shook his head, “Can’t you just worry about yourself for once like a normal person,” he gripped, but there was no heat in his words. Carlos raised an eyebrow at him before he sighed. “It’s been rough,” he admitted, “it wasn’t easy and definitely not an experience I am ever looking to relive, but if it meant saving you I would do it a thousand more times.” He held Carlos’s gaze for several long moments in the wake of his words, making sure that his boyfriend understood just how much he meant it. Any amount of pain or suffering on his own part was acceptable long as Carlos was alive and well at the end of it all.  

“But you’re awake now and you’re going to be okay,” he concluded after some time, “nothing else matters.” 

“From what I’ve heard, there might be one more thing that matters.” At TK’s questioning look he explained, “My parents. They referred to you as my friend. Did you…?” 

He trailed off but TK shook his head vigorously, “No,” he said firmly, “of course not. I promised you you could tell them on your own terms, that I was fine with being the friend as long as it took. I meant that.” 

“Ty,” Carlos said softly, squeezing their linked hands and giving him a sad look, “babe. You could have said something. I wouldn’t have been mad. Thinking about you going through this by yourself is worse than any possibility of my parents’ reaction.”

“I wasn’t by myself,” he reminded Carlos, “I had my team. Our friends. I was never alone in this.” 

“Remind me to thank them.” 

“Oh don’t worry,” TK quipped lightly, leaning into this new topic in an effort to leave talk of his parents and the endless waiting behind, “I am sure they will be here the moment you are allowed more visitors.” 

Carlos laughed lightly until he broke off with a grimace of pain. TK leaned forward anxiously, “Are you okay? Does it hurt too badly? Should I get a nurse? Do you--” 

“Ty,” Carlos said firmly, “it’s okay. I’m okay. I just jostled things a bit, stop worrying.” 

“I don’t think you are ever going to make that possible, Carlos Reyes.” 

“Look who’s talking.” 

TK opened his mouth to fire a response back but any retort he may have made was interrupted by the arrival of Andrea and Gabriel Reyes in the doorway. TK froze and went to pull his hand out of Carlos’s grasp, but Carlos held tight. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“Uh, out of here?” TK answered, though it came out more like a question, “To give you some time with your parents?” 

Carlos shook his head, “You’re not going anywhere. You belong here.” He turned to his parents, who were watching with curious gazes from the doorway, “Mom, Dad, there’s something I need to tell you.” 

TK leaned in closer, voice low in Carlos’s ear, “Maybe waking up from a medically induced coma is not the time for major life decisions, babe. You don’t have to do this now.” 

Carlos turned his head to meet TK’s dubious expression with his own, “If not now, when? You said it yourself: nothing ever stays the same.” 

“Are you sure?”

Carlos smiled at him and squeezed their still intertwined hands, “Yeah, I am.” 

He turned his gaze back to his parents, who were watching the proceedings curiously, “I know you’ve already met TK,” he told them, “and I told you he was a friend from work. But I lied to you, he is so much more than that. I’d like you to formally meet my boyfriend, TK Strand.” 

TK anxiously watched their reactions only to see that while there were many emotions playing out on the Reyes’ faces, surprise was not amongst them. 

“You knew,” he blurts out, unable to help himself. 

Gabriel Reyes shrugged, “We were pretty sure after we met y’all at the market, but when you didn’t say anything when we got here we weren’t so sure and we didn’t want to press,” he began. “But seeing how worried you were, and how often you were here, I figured there was something we didn’t know. Plus, you’re wearing his shirt.” 

TK looked down at the old APD sweatshirt he barely remembered grabbing on his trip home sheepishly and he could feel Carlos laughing light beside him. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” Andrea asked him, eyes wide with sympathy, “All that time you spent waiting by yourself…” 

“I made Carlos a promise,” he said simply, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand even as he spoke to his parents. “I promised him he could tell you on his own terms in his own time, and I would never break a promise I made to him for anything.”

The next thing he knew Andrea’s arms were around him again, squeezing him in a bone crushing hug. He nearly staggered back from the force of it, shooting a bewildered look over her shoulder to Carlos, who is smiling fondly at them. 

“I was hoping we were right,” she told him softly, “all that time you were, how deeply you cared for him. I am so glad we were, and so happy that my son has someone to love him as much as you do.” 

She pulled away to give him a teary smile that he returned. Gabriel stepped forward to wrap an arm around his wife’s shoulder and lean forward to offer TK an outstretched hand. 

“It’s a pleasure to properly meet you, TK,” he said warmly. TK smiled at him before taking the offered hand. 

“Likewise, sir.” 

They ended the handshake and TK looked back to Carlos to see him beaming at him. He shifted over in his bed to make room for TK to perch on the edge beside him. TK did, happily, readjusting the grip of their joined hands so they could rest comfortably in Carlos’s lap. 

“I always knew they would like you,” Carlos told him with a grin, raising an eyebrow at his parents, “but I didn’t know what detectives they were.” 

“I am a Texas Ranger son,” Gabriel deadpanned, “in case you have forgotten.” 

Carlos rolled his eyes at his father, earning him a lackluster admonishment from his mother and TK let the warmth of this moment settle around him. He could tell Carlos’s parents still had questions, he knew there would be some hard conversations to be had in the coming days. But for now they were all here together, and Carlos was okay. Their secret was out and TK didn’t have to hide the love he felt for this man for anyone ever again. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to the top of Carlos’s head, savoring the ability to do so and the way Carlos leaned into him in turn. 

Things weren’t perfect but at this moment they were pretty close, and that was more than enough.