#the visual i have in my head of her in this scenario is Insane

[chernayavidua]

thinking  about  natasha  going  about  every  day  tasks  how  graceful  she  makes  the  most  mundane  thing  look.  but  also  thinking  of  her  hosting  an  intimate  dinner  at  her  ny  townhouse.  thinking  of  her  laughing,  smiling  and  dancing  with  friends.  a  wine  glass  in  hand,  barefoot.  the  strap  of  the  slip  dress  she's  wearing  sliding  off  her  shoulder  as  someone  spins  her  while  they  dance.  her  long  wavy  red  hair  spilling  down  her  shoulders  and  back  

[loserboysandlithium]

I Can Show You: Eddie Munson

18+ hoes, Minors dni, explicit sexual content

Summary: Eddie is curious about your experience with girls and you decide to send him something special to help him visualize a little better.

****

“So you’ve done it a lot?” Eddie presses. He’s not going to let this topic go.

“Done what?” you tease, lowering your voice just a bit as you hold the speaker to your ear.

“Come on baby, please tell me more.” Eddie pleads, his voice desperate on the other end of the phone.

“You wanna hear about me eating pussy?”

“Please.” Eddie moans, a beautiful rasp in his voice.

“I think I still have an old audio of me eating a girl out…” you chime, nonchalantly.

“Oh my fuck.” Eddie groans deeply.

“I can show you if you want..”

“Fuck… fuck fuck fuck.” Eddie rambles, his excitement making you giggle, you love teasing him, you can only imagine how hard he is already just from the thought.

“Let me see if I can find it.” you giggle, putting him on speaker as you head to your voice memos and begin scrolling. You see one marked 24 minutes.. that’s gotta be it.

You click on it and listen for a moment, there’s some giggling and then you hear the sounds of kissing. Mmmm.. there it is.

You skip through the audio, randomly pausing only to hear the filthy moans as you pleasure the girl. One part in particular stands out as she giggles “you’ve never done this to me before.”

He’s gonna lose his mind.

*****

He’s so excited. His cock already aching, pressed hard against his boxers as he waits for your message to come through. He hears a little ‘ding’, instantly clicking on the audio. Jesus fucking Christ.

He listens carefully as he leans back on his bed. It starts mild, the sound of the two of you kissing. That alone enough to make his cock twitch. He slips his hand into his boxers, shutting his eyes as he listens to every sound. “Oh fuck.” the girl whimpers as Eddie begins to stroke his cock slowly.

He listens intently, speeding up just a bit as she begins to moan at the actions of your mouth on her. “Oh, god. Oh, god. Yes.” The sound of you slurping her pussy comes through the phone, a filthy fucking noise as you suck her clit into your mouth over and over as she whines beneath you. “Yeah… mmmm.. ohh fuck.”

Eddie’s moans begin to flow with the girl’s as he fucks himself. Imagining your face buried in her pretty pussy. He swears he can see it. Your bedroom eyes looking up at her as you slip your tongue into her.

“Goddamn.” She gasps loudly as you keep fucking her with your tongue. “Fuck her baby, make her cum for me.” Eddie whines as the pornographic moans fill his ears. He imagines his hand tangled in your hair as he presses you even deeper into her dripping cunt.

“Oh god, oh god, oh yes, oh fuck” a consistent chant as you explore every part of her.

“Jesus, oh baby.. God, that feels good, yes.” The girl sighs happily as you lick long stripes across her pussy. “Fuck yes, baby. She loves that. Keep goin’ baby.” Eddie grunts to himself as his head presses back into his pillow. A beautiful image unfolding in his mind of the two of you.

“You never told me you knew how to do that.” Followed by the two of you giggling again.

Eddie’s mind tries to fill in the gaps. How dirty were you? What had you done to her? His dirty girl, fuck.

He hears a familiar sound as you moan into her pussy making him speed up his hand even more. He loved knowing how much you liked eating pussy. Maybe he could watch one day. Fuck, fuck, fuck. His hand works faster, jerking his cock at an insane speed, fucking into his hand as he imagines the scenario in front of him.

“Fuck, I love you. Oh baby.” the girl breathes out. Eddie smirks at this, something about it making you seem like a little devil. Making her fall in love just from your tongue.

He hears the girl speaking again, “God, let me do you. Please let me do you.” Fucking hell. He wants to watch. Wants to see you eat her pussy, wants to see her eat yours.

“I almost bought us a double sided dildo for when you came here.” The girl whispers, his naughty vixen only moaning in response. Little fuckin freaks.

“Do you love me as much as I love you?” the girl asks and Eddie hears you respond. A casual ‘mhm’. What a little liar. Out here acting like a fuck boy gettin’ pussy. Fuck, she’s turning me on.

“Oh god, don’t stop.” The girl pleads, practically gasping for air as he hears her wet pussy being lapped up.

“I want my mouth on you.” the girl whispers, once again begging for a taste of his girl. But you don’t give in, not yet. All he hears are more moans falling from her lips as you continue to eat her out. Fuckin’ munch.

“Fuck.” There’s his girl. He hears you moaning obscenely as you play with your food. He can hear everything. Every kiss planted on her clit. Every lick, every time you tug her clit back into her mouth.

His cock is slick with precum, doing everything in his power not to bust just yet. He wants to hear everything. Wants to hear her cum straight on your tongue.

And then he hears it. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” Her moans getting louder and louder before her voice breaks into a silent cry. Eddie moans loudly, his mouth falling open as his cum covers his hand in spurts just as your tongue is covered in hers.

But you don’t stop, his cum leaks from his cock, dripping down his length as he hears her soft, breathy moans through the speaker as you clean up the mess you made of her, licking her pussy, gathering her sweet cum all over your tongue.

Eddie’s chest is rising and falling rapidly as he struggles to bring himself back to reality. The gentle kisses and giggles of you and your friend playing softly in the background as he lays still, eyes still shut.

“I think you almost killed me.” Eddie’s name pops up in your phone followed by a picture of his cock and stomach covered in his cum, making you smile. Kinky boy.

Yes this is based on true events 😏 damn, I had to listen to a 24 minute audio of me eating pussy… such a shame.

[sheepwavehdg]

some HDG story recs out that aren't the most super popular stories you'll easily find by asking anyone or easily find via metric ranking. all are on the shorter end, and readable in a day if not a single sitting! a great list for some hidden gems.

Reading the Leaves by Kanagen: a tea shop romance story about a mostly mute protaganist trying to make the perfect cup for an affini she is down bad for.

Behind the Veil by shitpostleft: IMO, the hottest oneshot in the entire setting. It follows rebecca trying to talk to her affini boyfriend about why he put a notice of intent to domesticate on her.

A Beast At Bay by Raeisteria: Affini beat each other up! this one starts as a shonen battle arc and then changes. you should read it, and do so blinndly, you will not regret it (but you will probably cry)

Strawberry and Willow by immaterial_vivi: the typical HDG rebel capture scenario is turned on its head, in the sense that the story is mostly from the affini's perspective.

Core Carving by Stimulacrum: a second person affini POV story about coming home and letting your floret be the one to take care of you for a bit.

A Part of Who I am my MoonFloret: its hdg romance, but transmasc yaoi instead of transfem yuri! it rules!

Last Man Standing by Tsunmene: the single funniest HDG story I have ever read, about a seed desperate to get forcefemmed who keeps barely missing getting captured by the affini no matter how hard they try.

Force Majeure by ashinbloom: the most devastating gut punch of a story ever put to the page in HDG, about a very autistic girl and the woman who wishes she could take care of her like she wishes. this one hurts real good.

Florets of a Feather by Promilie: a biology student who was forcibly drafted into the navy gets domesticated and must learn to live with her connivent, a feathered catlike xeno called a khetari. has illustrations in many chapters! (Promilie is one of the settings absolute best visual artists.)

A Date with Miss Laburnia by PyxxieStyxx: a bratty terran goes on a date with an affini in chastity and things escalate.

Mistress's Imperative by mirrorgare: submissive affini/dommy floret vignette series

Growing Periwinkle by belenen: a depressed terran volunteers for domestication and becomes part of a very kinky social circle.

Pencil by sheepwave(me): a comedy-hypnoerotica adaptation of the "mistress can you turn me into a pencil" meme into a full oneshot its my list i can include one of mine

Thought I'd See You Again by fluxom: an escaped floret has been on the run for a year, but now an affini just won't leave her alone...

Puppy Paws by Moonchild: actual petplay! in hdg! i know, its crazy. also this story is insanely hot.

The Place Where We Can Stop Running by Dame Harmony: ok I lied about them all being short. this one is long, but its so good. you need to read it, you need to read it blind, knowing nothing, and you will not regret it. it's one of the best stories in the entire setting.

[kourabiedes]

Carmine and Kieran Roleswap AU: Teal Mask Edition

Sweet Arceus do I have a long AU for ya, because I am Very Normal about the Kitakami siblings and definitely don't go out of my way to find new ways to mess with their heads. Long AU summary under the cut! Beware all ye who enter here, for there are Ogres afoot.

There is now an Indigo Disk continuation to this!

So the most important thing to understand before we start is that Carmine and Kieran still retain aspects of their normal personalities.  A 1:1 swap would be kinda boring (specifically, boring for me). However, their life experiences have changed here and that does give us some new juicy tidbits to explore.

Sketches provided by @funakounasoul... except for the Ogerpon sketch. I made that.

Kieran is the older sibling in this scenario.  He's still shorter than his sister, but he's now older than the player character and probably has some devilish good looks.  He's generally goodnatured, and being the older sibling and having to look out for a younger sister has balanced his personality a little bit.  He's more mentally stable and mature than his standard self.  He still has a pretty huge fondness for the ogre in the old legend, admiring its independence and strength.  The major change to his personality here is that he's not as insanely shy, since he hasn't had a big scary savage sister to hide behind all his life.

Younger sister Carmine is shy of strangers and still wary of outsiders.  Her posture visually in the Teal Mask is probably kind of stooped, like she's trying to hide how crazy tall she is.  She has a bratty, slightly spoiled attitude in this scenario, because big brother Kieran is always hovering nearby to keep her out of trouble.  She appears to be the player character's age or maybe a touch younger.  Despite the initial shyness though, she's all aggression when she feels she or her family or really any of Kitakami as she sees it is threatened.  She still dismisses Kieran's ogre obsession, but chalks it up to boys liking scary things.  (You know, cuz girls never go for that kinda thing </massive sarcasm>)

The PC would meet them both for the first time in Mossui and Kieran is welcoming while Carmine glowers at you from somewhere behind him.�� Kieran's all about helping your classmate get safely to the community center and probably runs off to help, or perhaps to get the caretaker.  Maybe you battle Carmine then because she's definitely not enjoying having these tourists in her fucking town.  Whatever the scenario, Kieran and the caretaker get the rest of the Random Paldean Students safely to the community center and you get settled in.

Now, for a while, things don't change much in this scenario, except for Kieran not being super emotionally unstable.  The next day, you're being introduced to the Blueberry kids properly and Kieran immediately suggests you and he pair up.  Carmine isn't thrilled but as he points out, it's not like they can pair up together based on Briar's directions to make interschool pairs.  She sulks off to find a Paldean student to deal with.  Your character and Kieran have a friendly battle and he admires your skills.  You go find the first two signboards and follow him up to the Dreaded Den more or less the same way as in Teal Mask.  Then he invites you to the Festival of Masks and you go back to the family home.  Carmine is not overly pleased to see you still hanging around, but she's unbending a little bit since you and Kieran obviously get on so well.  They only find the two masks in the shed, Kieran tries to offer you his ogre mask, Carmine stops him, you get to the festival and do some balloon popping and maybe even beat Carmine's score.

It's Ogerpon's appearance that changes the story dramatically.  At first, you are the only one that sees her, but then Kieran comes looking for you after pacifying Carmine.  Ogerpon spooks, drops her mask, and you both have a moment of shock as you realize this is not a child, this is the damn ogre.  Then Ogerpon bolts, leaving you with the Teal Mask.  Kieran is stunned  --  the ogre was so smol!  And seemed so nonaggressive!  And holy shit this mask is beautiful, except there's a chip in the big crystal!  He's excited as hell to have one of his childhood dreams materialize before him.  He wants to go after Ogerpon, but Carmine turns up at that moment.  She has deeply internalized the ancient Kitakami legend of the Loyal Three, and when Kieran excitedly tells her you just saw the ogre, she insists it can't have been, because you and he are both not fucking dead.  She and Kieran argue for a minute, long enough that once it's over, Kieran has to reluctantly admit you'll never catch up to the ogre in the dark.  He tells you to hold onto the mask and you two can go ask his grandpa about it in the morning.  You do, and it's Kieran who is with you when you hear the story of Ogerpon.  Carmine appears at one point and is shooed off by Kieran, but overhears the majority of the story herself.  Unlike Kieran, she can't believe it  --  the heroic Loyal Three, actually villains??  Impossible!  She realizes that if Kieran believes this story, he's likely to go chasing the ogre again, and probably get himself killed, a prospect that chills her to the bone.  She ambushes you both as you leave the family home and demands that Kieran (and just Kieran, she doesn't care what YOU do) not go chasing monsters, making no effort to pretend she didn't overhear the whole damn thing.  Kieran tries to correct her, but she insists you both go have a look at the final signboard, the one that reminds everyone that the ogre murders anyone it comes across without a mask on.  You go, but discuss with Kieran how the story doesn't make any sense compared to the ogre you both saw and the story Kieran's grandpa told you.  You go back mutually determined to get Ogerpon's mask back to her after gramps fixes it. 

You go off to the community center and Kieran goes home.  Something he says at home will alert Carmine to your resolve, and that kicks off the next event.  Carmine demands you meet her at Loyalty Plaza, where she makes an impassioned plea to her brother not to be fooled into getting himself murderated.  He tries to explain that she's still got the wrong impression and she blows up on him, refusing to listen to reason (he almost certainly points out that Gramps has no reason to lie to his own grandkids, for example).  Truth is, she's afraid, afraid for his life, and that's making her act irrationally.

And then a thought occurs to her, a thought that marks a huge turning point in this scenario.  It's you.  You are making her brother act this way.  You are the reason he's doing these insane things.  She accuses you directly of manipulating her family.  Kieran protests, but she's convinced.

Now, in canon, I am convinced that the venom in Kieran's thoughts is what somehow channeled Pecharunt's energy (or some variant thereof) into the Lousy Three's grave and brought them back to life.  In this scenario, imagine the same, only it's the poison of fear which is rapidly spreading through Carmine.  Her fear is being expressed as anger, but it's still fear, and it's consuming her rapidly.  Before either sibling can argue further, the grave splits open, and the Three emerge.  No one knows quite what is happening, so no one can really react effectively as they take off to Kitakami Hall.  It's only as they're already receding into the distance that Carmine realizes they must be the Three.

You and the siblings rush to the Hall to hear the news of the Three's arrival and retrieving of the other masks before going up the mountain.  Kieran starts to rush after them, but suddenly Carmine blocks the way.  She is going to save him from himself if it's the last thing she does.  You battle her and defeat her, and the idea that you are the cause of all this etches itself that much deeper.  She has no choice but to step aside, but you can feel her furious eyes on your back as you run to save Ogerpon.

Poor little ogre is getting the shit kicked out of her and you save her, driving off the Three.  She is nervous around Kieran because he smells like a local and therefore Dangerous, but while a little hurt, he is not crushed by this.  You take her back to the town (she refuses to enter of course) and consult with Kieran's grandpa.  He promises to fix the Teal Mask for Ogerpon if you and Kieran go get a crystal from the Crystal Pool to replace the chipped one, and suggests you and Kieran go pound the shit out of the Three to get Ogerpon's other masks back.  Carmine is sulking at home and overhears the conversation.  You and Kieran go to the Pool with Ogerpon shadowing you, but Carmine blocks your way at the top, angry at Kieran too now for bringing an outsider to this sacred place.  The standoff is broken by Briar also appearing at the summit, distracting Carmine.  Kieran slips past her and you stop her from following with a battle.  Ogerpon stays near you, and her presence only serves to enrage Carmine more.  Kieran retrieves a crystal cluster during the battle and you both bolt back down the mountain to give it to Gramps, leaving Carmine fuming.  He begins to work on the mask and you turn your attention to finding the Three.

You find the Three with Kieran's help and return the shit kicking they gave Ogerpon threefold, retrieving her masks.  Ogerpon becomes more comfortable around Kieran as you go.  You return to the town only to discover Carmine stole the Teal Mask after Gramps fixed it and left Kieran a message telling him to come to the Dreaded Den.  Gramps notes that she spoke with him about the story of Ogerpon before she left and seems to be disturbed by how the ogre has acted since the whole mess began  --  Kieran guesses her good sense is starting to win out over her fear.  You go back to the Den with Kieran and Ogerpon and find Carmine there.  Kieran confronts her, finally convincing her that the story of the Loyal Three was indeed wrong, and she's been wrong about Ogerpon the whole time (probably aided by Ogerpon with her sweet lil face staring like a sad puppy at her).��

Carmine finally accepts the truth of the matter, and apologizes to him and Ogerpon.

But there's one thing she hasn't let go of.  She hasn't forgiven you.  And Kieran doesn't realize that she's still hung up on that part because, while he's a lot more emotionally stable in this scenario, he's still pretty oblivious to subtle emotional cues from other people.  When Carmine walks away from the Den, it's with a venom-filled look in your direction.  Insert Heart's If Looks Could Kill here.

Inevitably, Ogerpon wants you as her human, because you're the damn hero.  This version of Kieran is disappointed, but not shattered by this.  He's spent a lot of time over the last couple days with you and the little cutie, and he's had time to get used to the idea.  It's Ogerpon's decision where she wants to go, and he lets go of the long cherished dream with regret, but nothing worse.  He does ask to have a battle with you and her in the morning, after which Briar calls to tell you to get your asses to the community center to finish the actual school trip thingy you'd probably forgotten all about.  Kieran also tells you that Carmine has holed up in her room and won't talk to anyone.

You know more or less how this ends, with Briar yoinking the Kitakami sibs back to Unova to prepare for some globetrotting and the antagonistic sibling swearing to get stronger so they can kick your ass.  In this case it's Carmine, and boy does she hate you right now.  In the end, Kieran came to no harm, and Ogerpon was not a monster, but it doesn't really matter, because rationality went out the window for her where you're concerned a while ago.  She's going to get stronger, and she's going to hand you your ass for humiliating her so often, and she's got a great idea for making that happen...

[tokiko220]

It's been too long since I did one of those drawing memes i remember from my deviantart days soo I decide to do one by @naigotlost (sorryyyy if you don't want dA past dredged up but too late lolololol) especially since I'm apparently the reason she made it lol Here's the blank version!

Oh and by the way I already filled it out once if you wanna see that lol I'd like to think I'm more skilled now lolol

You can read about the characters under the cut!

SHOT - Ospa (Fallout New Vegas) - My Fallout NV courier, pretty obvious what moment of the story this one depicts lol After being shot she suffered brain damage and was never the same- remains a genius, she's just wierder than before.

BURNED - Mariah (Original)- This one is in the more conceptual stages, I was drawing scifi-ish nun designs and really liked one so I thought "what the hell". It's all (vaguely gestures) but she has a burn on her face that she got while pulling patients from their monastery during a huge fire. Through sheer determination and hysterical strenght she hauled out men twice her size, the other nuns never let her live it down.

NECK WOUND - Ctirad (Original)- One of my vampire hunters. I still can't quite get his design down but I do know that he gets turned into a vampire, much to his best friends/basically sister's dismay. It's a whole thing.

IMPALED - Michiko (Samurai of Hyuga) - My beloved being impaled by a spear in a hypothetical scenario in which she's protecting Masashi. I felt so strongly about it I wrote a whole oneshot- i'm still super normal about SOH, I just have less time to draw.

MISSING A LIMB - Jun Uesugi (Samurai of Hyuga) - Jun-y boy artist's interepretation of that scene in book 4 (if you know you know). I am once again super normal about it I only think about it most of the time.

VOMITTING BLOOD - Taro (Original) - Guy from my final school project VN concept thing, he's the main character of an isekai who's kind of a dick and gets vibe checked once he gets transported back to his world in which Apolena (a girl from the other world that he betrayed and got killed) wants some payback- cue a violent time loop.

DROWNING - Marianne (Crown of Ashes and Flames) - My MC from an interactif story by Cœur. Check it out it's good literally makes me cry every time. The characters make me absolutely insane and spin around in my head like rotisserie chickens.

INJURED EYE - Wolf (Original) - Character from another visual novel concept that I reallly want to finish I swear I tried but it's hard work and I'm a drawer not a writer, I hope one day I can actually bring him to life lol Anyway he's a cannibalistic yandere set in, as his name implies, a story loosely based on Red Riding Hood.

BANDAGED - Apolena (Original) - Taro's antagonist and the protagonist of my final school project, she's the elf noble who just wanted to read and embroider when she was forced by her father to join the Hero's adventure (it apparently builds character) but the Hero thinks she's mega lame so after she suffers bullying by the Hero's party he ends up letting some bandits take her which eventually leads to her death (but the Goddess that put the hero into this world is like shit sorry that was kinda my bad do you maybe wanna go be destitute in modern pseudo japan????) Not only was she betrayed and murdered she now works in customer service, which is arguably the worst thing that has ever happened to her.

god i feel like i haven't infodumped about my characters in a decade this is so freeing haha

[tutuandscoot]

DREAM VIRTUEMOIR PROGRAMS

1. I Want You / Paint It Black

Music:

Paint It Black (The Rolling Stones) as the main song, but because it is so fast paced and quite lyric heavy, I feel it needs an instrumental section to add some contrast. I Want You (She’s So Heavy) (The Beatles) is the song I can think of that fits the vibe- if I were to find something else less well known that fits better I would of course use that. Ideally, I would prefer to use just Paint It Black because single-song programs are so rare now but I do think it needs some kind of transition- going gang busters to Paint It Black for 3 or 4 mins would kill them. If I Want You were to be used I would definitely use the end piece… the kinda discord guitar part.. since this is of course not a real scenario I’m just going to imagine there is some ideal way to piece the songs together.

Inspiration:

I already made an IG real using Paint It Black that I set to Farrucas because it has a very similar energy and the chore and the music fit kinda well. Even though Farrucas is Spanish guitar and Paint It Black is sitar (Indian guitar) it has that similar pace. That was really just a fun little video I’m not basing any of my dream program off of that. Where I’m really taking my inspiration from for this is my favourite TV show ‘The Americas’. I’m not going to go into detail of the story because it isn’t important, just the theme, character inspiration etc.. So this show is about two KGB spies undercover in DC in the 80’s (touchy subject rn I know but let’s not worry about that). The characters are a man and woman ‘fake’ married so there is a lot of complicated love and feelings so there is that underlying theme complementing VM but really the character inspiration for this dance is just the visual of these two badasses. This is essentially a spy thriller program but finally not using James Bond music. I guess also, and you’ll see in the costumes I’ve imagined there’s also a bit visual of inspiration from the Matrix. Lastly, the styling for Sweet Dreams from TTYCT- them, like that.. I need more of that (even if it’s just in my imagination).

Chore/dance style:

This is the one part of this dream program that I can’t give a lot visual reference for- like I’m not actually gonna go choreograph it and even then, I couldn’t do it on ice or actually have VM to choreograph it on, so I’m just gonna have to give vague descriptions. This would be a modern jazz program- think similar to their 08/09 Pink Floyd program. I imagine some super epic midline/non-touch chore, some butterflies some insane foot work (esp from S) lots of sharp, fosse-ess arms, voguing type upper body work. As for lifts some of their fast-rotational lifts with T in some kind of contorted position around S head. I imagine a traveling rotational version of their first stat. lift from Latch. Probably the Prince lift. I also remembered this group dance on SYTYCD S9 by Mia Michaels (who T really wanted to work with during their career) and this is both visually, stylistically close to what I’m going for.

Costuming:

The idea of VM skating in these costumes is so exciting to me and I try not to dwell on the fact that I’ll never get to see it but oh well.

- A couple of variations on this: I’ll describe the version I’ve settled on then some other options (also please bare with me I’m not a great drawer when it comes to people and I’m still learning to use procreate).

So: Matching, slick black cat suits. Long sleeves and turtle necks. Tessa’s with a diamond-shaped back cut out with red sparkles flaring out in a gradient from the edge (similar to MR dress). Both of them will have the same red rhinestone design around the wrists (similar to her SFTD dress). T will wear black skates (not boot covers coz I hate them). T with a slick black low bun and Scott with his MR hair but slicked down a bit more (sorry I’m not gonna try draw the hair).

- Now some other alternatives I toyed with- just in my head because it took about 2 hours just to draw these ones. I originally really wanted both their costumes to be identical- S with the diamond back cut out as well but when I drew it on the model it just didn’t look good- it would probably look better on S but I’ve settled on his being solid black- essentially what he wore for LTR just jazzed up. For both of them I toyed with sparkles in the same gradient pattern around the turtle neck- but I felt it would be too much.. maybe on Scott’s since he doesn’t have the back cut out.

- Another option they could go with- because I’m not totally sold on the cat suits once they are actual costumes. In my head it looks great and I want it to be as slick as possible, but for S I’m just not sure- not for any superficial reasons… just as a costume then adding movement it would depend. An alternate to the exact same look but tight black jeans/trousers with a black belt cause I still want that streamline look and with the top part being a leotard- yes for both of them. Scott’s costumes in the past- anything tight ie: MR is a leotard that undoes underneath, much like fashion leotards.

-Now here’s the fun part that I don’t know whether (if I was choreographing/styling.. in charge of everything).. somehow I want them to wear sunglasses.. either aviators (as in Sweet Dreams) but I would have to see it styled first to see if aviators would work and if not I would go with kinda, Matrix style glasses- like that more 80’s style. I can’t imagine these being used for the whole program, or at least down over their eyes for the whole program, I don’t really know it would have to be experimented with but I definitely like that as a visual and would make for some cool chore and partner work.

Short/Free/Exhibition:

So, in order to get some truly epic step sequences it would have to be a comp program. I feel I’m leaning towards a SD rather FD, just with the pace of Paint It Black that’s a lot for a 4 min program- imagining the split would be probably 2-3 mins PIB and the remaining IWY (or alternate instrumental) so with a SD having the split 2-1 (minutes) seems more manageable- not just for VM but choreographically filling 2-3 mins of chore to Paint In Black matching the pace is… a lot.. having said that, it feels wrong to only cut a 1 min section of the I Want You outro so I’m not sure, but I’m leaning towards SD. In this imaginary scenario of course, we are ignoring set rhythms and compulsory patterns (even though that’s not a thing anymore). I said in my IG reel using PIB (for the FS history buffs) that the 10/11 season OD theme was set to be 50/60/70 music- and of course there was no set pattern in the OD format so no need to worry about fitting time signatures/BPM. That of course did not happen and the CD + OD were scraped and they brought in the SD. I don’t feel or more I couldn’t see them skating this dream program I’ve imagined when they were just 21/23 anyway- I feel like it would require more maturity in movement-more sensuality, and just more exploration of dance styles since they hadn’t done a lot of ‘jazz’ at that point. I can just imagine it being a better program if performed in their comeback era. So I think it would be shame not to see a program this epic in competition, however it also really excites me the prospect of seeing it under lights and from a set design perspective we could do some really interesting things with spotlights/strobes/lighting design in general. This is all theoretical anyway so we don’t need to choose… maybe there can be a comp version and a show version.

Let me know your thoughts on this dream program. I have a whole list of others ready to dream up as well!

[plebies]

Yo, so I deadass just realized tumblr is literally a blog … and I should probably start blogging … on my tumblr account instead of just randomly posting art out of the blue….

Anyway, ADHD ramble incoming…

I’ve been thinking about this story (comic) idea of this girl (let say somewhere in her senior year of high-school cuz thats more relatable to me right now) going off to chase superheroes and villains in order to record their fights. She enjoys seeing heroes in action and villains attempt their evil schemes. Its all just a game almost. Like a even more exciting form of entertainment, because its real and she can feel the adrenaline pumping from being so close to the action (she also sells the footage to local news stations, so that helps with her tuition).

Eventually on one unfortunate occasion, she gets to close to the action of one particular fight. Local hero Ironwill is busy protecting innocence from an insane biologist known as Hybe Mind (get it kinda like Hive mind … his actual name is Wilfred Hybe … probably not smart to use your last name in your villain tittle but whateve ) Hybe Mind uses genetically mutated insects to wreak havoc on the town and the people around.

Our main girl here gets a bit too caught up in the fight and starts to wander out into the middle of the battle field to get batter angles. She gets incredibly shots of Ironwill resisting powerful attacks and sending equally devastating blows back with no sign of slowing down, angles of Hybe Mind darting back and forth in the air with a swarm of mutated wasps, and one particularly clear shot of a needle heading right for her-

SHINK!🩸

The needle of a mutated bee pierces through the lens of her video camera and stabs into her neck. The needle oozes its lethal mixture of toxins into her blood stream causing her to fall paralyzed on the ground as she slowly loses consciousness. Her semiconscious thoughts as a classmate from her high-school rushes over to help are warped by the toxin.

I’d imagine heavy hallucinatory and trippy visuals like her struggling against a swarm of large dog-sized bees pilling on top of her, forming a ball around her (In reference to queen balling. FUN FACT TIME: iydk “Queen Balling” is when bees kill the old queen when there is a new queen in the hive. They make this big ball around her and essentially try to kill her with body heat by moving around a bunch.

Its super weird and could potentially be used as awesome for-shadowing in the future maybe. If only I knew what it would foreshadow… lmao) She gets fatigued by fighting against the force of the hive as the heat ramps up while more large bees join the huddle. Another hallucinatory scene idea that I like could be her slowly sinking in honey, holding on to nearby flowers and petals to pull herself up. These petals and flower’s eventually wither and grow dark, failing her as she begins to sink again.

I don’t know what these scenes could mean now but they’re definitely important to her character and would act as some sort of foreshadowing to something(s) later in her story, or just be a representation of her character ad a whole.

So she awakens in the hospital in the company of her teary eyes parents (only child frfr). She learns she already died when she arrived at the hospital. Oddly enough her wounds had completely healed over and when they were delivering her to the morgue she began breathing suddenly (probably to a big shock to the nurse … def would be a funny joke of having the nurse constantly call her. a zombie and be overly protective of her exposed skin and covering her head … she saw like one to many zombie movies to know where this is going).

Over the coming days of her recovery and her return to school, she gradually finds out she has supernatural powers. She constantly sweats a sticky substance from her palms and often drools it at random (perfect for awkward scenarios). She gains a hyper awareness of her surroundings and enhanced sight (we love that extra anxiety for literally no reason. I like to imagine its like spider sense but you can never turn it off. How fun 💀). And after an exhausting hot shower she steps out of her bathroom and see a pair of insectoid wings behind her back. (Through this whole recovery process shes also feeling a change in her weight… like she feels “lighter” and more “bouncy”. I imagine this is her anatomy changing drastically as to enable her to fly with such delicate wings … maybe her bones become partially hallow lmao.)

This sends her on a whole side mission to investigate whats happening to her and why. ANNDD THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW.

Im tired and my brain is literally dying, but i’ll come back to this later when I have more ideas. But before I nap, heres some stuff I need help with so if anyone has suggestions let me know!

Her name: I always visualized her as being of Han Chinese descent, or something similar. She’d probably be very loud and a real obnoxious in your face personality that gets a bit toned down after the big heavy hitter events in her story happen. (Just as inspiration)

~ Ight Gn

[unboundtravels]

This fucking sound from tiktok just gave me so much visual stimulation regarding multi-doctor interactions. With November right around the corner, too, we're about to get a ton of anniversary multi-doctor stories, or at least... I assume so (looks at the big finish) so allow me to indulge in some One/Sixby/Bond/Scarf Four Doctor RAMBLES. If ever I wrote a fic about these four going on an adventure together, I would absolutely indulge my inner fan and use my incarnations as stand-ins for Hartnell/Troughton/Pertwee/Baker for that 1 - 4 multidoctor story we were denied. Although! Giving it my own spin is certainly a fun idea. I resist the urge to tag my players in this headcanon, because after this weekend's session— the idea of One needing to be put on a leash lives rent-free in my head. Watching her three future incarnations struggle to keep up with her is such a funny idea to me. 

Additional rambles under the cut. Use this audio if you run out of claim, because honestly same vibes.

Just for reference. It's these four idiots.

Just imagine the idea of the exact order of Sixby meeting Bond, then Bond meeting Scarf. The absolute whirlwind of designs from cosmic Hobo Rat into Suave Secret Agent and then finally rounding it with insane Sherlock Holmes is probably why One is thankful that no one gets to remember multidoctor stories. Whether or not The Three Doctors happened in my timeline is also something I have to deal with. Do Bond and Sixby remember each other? And if so, is this a Sixby and Bond from before that meeting? Even though I like Two/Three being friends in canon, I'd probably leave it as a first meeting for everyone. If we take T3D's into account then I'd have everyone sort of... hounding Scarf the whole time, since he's the "latest model" relative to them. And I don't like when Multi-Doc stories dwell on the future too much. It's supposed to be a fun look at the past! Or at least, a subdued one, anyway. I'm always there for the character interactions.

One: Unhand me this instant!! Explain who you are!! All of you! Scarf: Please, just relax— One: Don't you patronize me! I know what you are! All those BLUE BOXES! I recognize a time capsule when I see one!! <She points towards Sixby, who suddenly shrinks in fear.> You. Explain.  Sixby: Erm, ah. Well. It's like... this... you see, all of these people— well, not all of them— or— well, we're all you... Do y'see? Bond: Oh good lord, what the little troll is trying to say is that all three of us are your future regenerations. We've been pulled out from our time zones. Whatever the reason's yet to be determined.  One: ... No. Scarf: Yes :)

It's extremely hard to imagine how a story between these four would even ultimately play out. I have trouble thinking up a plot, but perhaps some kind of pseudo-sequel to The Three Doctors, or something involving The Timelords sending the four on a mission together is the only likely scenario. This can easily explain how Sixby and Bond are collected, as the two have extenuating circumstances in which they are imprisoned by Timelords, while One and Scarf would have to be acquired remotely by either The Director of The CIA or by The President of Gallifrey. However, it absolutely does happen, meaning that the four have to try (very difficult) to work together in order to get back to their normal times.

One: Now, enough dilly-dallying! Let's get a move on! So I can be rid of you three​​​​​! Bond: Good lord, woman's got fire. Sixby: Is this how they [the first team] felt?  Scarf: We should really be asking if this is how people still feel.

Around the early to mid-70s, The Doctor started using The Sonic Screwdriver more. It becomes multipurpose, and while One and Sixby did acquire one during their era in this timeline— the idea of their reactions to how frequently Bond and Scarf use theirs is just. 

Scarf: We should take some readings. Bond: Quite right. After you, then.  <They pull out their sonic screwdrivers.> One: Heh! Heheheh!? You mean! You're going to take environmental scans with a lockpick!? So we're delusional now? Are we? Hm? Sixby, who started the trend: I'm not quite sure where they picked that habit up from.....

Also, introductions are always funny in a multidoctor story.

"Which of you is The Doctor?"

All together: I am! Bond: [Frustrated over how much it's happened today.] We really must find a way around this! Sixby: Well— [Exasperated laugh] I don't suppose we can use name tags? Scarf: [Teasing] A wonderful idea! We can call you tiny. One: Oh for heaven's sake!!! Will you all be quiet!? We're being held at gunpoint! Scarf: It's not like that's an irregular occurrence​​​​. Bond: You're really not helping. Scarf: Oh, and you'd know what helping is?

AND GOD. BEING STUCK IN A PRISON CELL. 

Sixby: <Pulls out his recorder and starts to play it.> Scarf: They said incarceration! Not torture. Sixby: I was just trying to provide a bit of ambiance to our current situation. Bond: That's what we're calling it now? Sixby: It helps me concentrate! One: Well it breaks my focus! <Snatches it.> Now. Let's really focus! And figure out a way out of this cell!

I have more, but that's all I'll torment you with for now, dash. :>  

[troquantary]

Edward Cullen: That Boy Ain’t Right

So I was doing a reread of @therealvinelle 's collection of Twilight metas, as one does, and in "Edward, Denial, and a Human Girlfriend" she mentions that she doesn't believe Edward is sane. I thought, "ha, yeah, he's definitely not," and also, "but wait, what does that mean exactly, please say more about that." But since she's already inundated with asks, I've decided to use my own head-muscle and explore this idea. (TL;DR: I start out more or less organized, synthesize some points Vinelle has made across several posts (and have hopefully linked to them all where relevant but please tell me if not), touch a little on narcissism, then take a hard left into the negative effects of being a telepath.)

Just a couple things to note at the outset, though. Theses have been written already (probably) about Edward as an abuser. Edward being insane doesn't negate that at all; he's definitely an asshole and just...a disaster of a human being. (I find it more funny than anything, but YMMV.) I'm also going to try to avoid talking specifically about mental illness and how it relates (or doesn't relate) to abusive behavior -- that's territory I'm not really equipped to discuss, like at all. My starting point is "Edward has a deeply warped perception of reality," not "Edward has X disorder."

So: deeply warped perception of reality. The evidence? Goes behind a cut, because my one character trait is Verbose.

Vinelle provides a great example of it in the post linked above, which I'll just quote because she does words good: "[Edward] keeps acting like his romance with Bella is a romantic tragedy, and all the cast of Twilight are actors on a stage making it as sublime as possible." Edward's the one to pursue Bella, but he does so with the full belief, from the very beginning, that it will never last; Bella will "outgrow" him, go on her human way, and he can spend the rest of eternity brooding magnificently over his too-short romantic bliss. [Insert premature ejaculation joke.] Turning her is never an option, even though Alice, Noted Psychic, says that romancing Bella will either end with her dead (exsanguinated) or dead (vampire).

This framing, where he's a dark anti-hero in love with -- but never tainting! -- the pure maiden and eventually leaving her in a grand, tragic sacrifice to preserve her soul? It's fucking bonkers. Bella isn't a person to him in this scenario. As Vinelle points out, Bella's never really a person to him at all; he falls in love with his own mental construct, cherry-picking from what he observes of her behavior and her responses to his 20 (thousand) Questions to convince himself that she is the ideal woman.

Bella's not the only one who gets the projection/cardboard-cutout treatment. Edward sees everything and everyone through a highly particular, personalized lens. He filters his entire reality, which we all do to an extent, but the thing with Edward is that he starts with his conclusions and then only pays attention to the evidence that supports those conclusions. Often that evidence consists of what he admits in New Moon are only "surface" thoughts -- but recognizing that limitation doesn't keep him from taking those thoughts as representative of what people are. Edward then becomes absolutely convinced by his own "reasoning" and won't be swayed from what he has decided is Objectively True. It's obvious with Bella; it's also painfully obvious with Rosalie. (Vinelle explains this and brings up Edward's raging Madonna/Whore complex in the same post, so refer to that again -- she's right.)

He also catastrophizes. Everything. Bella's just vibing in her room, rereading Wuthering Heights for the 87th time? She's gonna be hit by a meteor, better sneak into her room while she sleeps. Bella's going to the beach with the filthy mundanes their human classmates? She's gonna fall in the ocean. Jasper's cannibal pals are stopping by for a visit, but know not to hunt in the area? DISASTER, DEFCON 1, ALSO FUCK YOU JASPER FOR EVEN EXISTING IN MY AND BELLA'S SPHERE YOU UNSPEAKABLE BURDEN. Edward must believe that Bella is vulnerable and in near-constant peril, to support the reality he has created in which he is the villain turned protector and maybe?? hero??? (!!!) for his beloved. So when the actual, James-shaped danger arrives, he goes berserk, snarling and flipping his shit and generally not helping the situation. His fantasy demands that Bella remain human, so instead of doing the very thing Alice, Noted Psychic, assures him will neutralize the threat (and not just a threat to Bella, either, but to Bella's family and any other human James might decide to include in the "game"), he vetoes it immediately, no discussion. Bella Must Not Turn, and he sticks to those guns despite James nearly reducing her to ground beef, despite leaving Bella catatonic with depression (but human! success!) in New Moon, despite Aro's order and his family's vote and, let's not forget, Bella's clearly and repeatedly stated desire to be a vampire. It's going to happen. But he doesn't accept it until Renesmee busts out of Bella like the Kool-Aid man and the poor girl's heart finally, unequivocally stops.

Sane people don't behave this way. I don't want to slap labels on Edward, but I can't help but note that he comes across as highly narcissistic. He's the only real person in his universe, the lone player among us NPCs. That probably has a lot to do with him being frozen in the mindset and maturity of a seventeen-year-old boy, but I think it's also just...him, on some fundamental level. His failure to connect with others and recognize them as full, independent beings with their own wants and priorities isn't like Bella's failure -- she's badly depressed. Edward is...something else, and I get the sense that his sanity has been steadily deteriorating over time. And a cursory google of narcissistic traits turns up some familiar-looking stuff. He's self-loathing, yes, but also grandiose; he hates himself for the monster he is (and hates most vampires besides Esme and Carlisle for their monstrosity, too) but still feels superior to humans, to the extent that he felt entitled to human blood and resented Carlisle for depriving him of his "proper" diet. He eventually returns to Carlisle, but he's far from content -- the beginning of Midnight Sun finds him in a state of ennui, bored and dismissive of (if not outright disgusted by) everyone around him, that has apparently persisted for years and years. He doesn't play the piano, he doesn't compose, he doesn't enjoy anything...at least until Bella comes along and then he becomes obsessed to a disturbing degree with her and his new, romantic tragedy spin on reality.

[Next-day edit: I’m not sure where else to fit this in, but the way Edward casually contemplates violence against people who have, at best, mildly annoyed him is...chilling. I have a hard time writing off his strategizing how to murder the entire Biology class as a result of bloodlust -- it’s so calculated, nothing like the blackout state of thirst Emmett describes when he encountered his own “singer,” and that is probably the default for when a vampire is extremely thirsty. But even ignoring the Biology class incident, Edward still does things like consider, with disturbing frequency, how he might grievously injure or kill Mike Newton, all because...Edward considers him his romantic rival (despite Bella barely giving the kid the time of day). He thinks about slapping Mike through a wall, which might be an amusing slapstick image, except as a vampire Edward’s actually capable of turning this boy’s skeleton to a fine powder. So it’s, y’know, kind of sick when you think about it.

But even worse than that, when Bella tells Edward about how she flirted with Jacob to get at that sweet, sweet vampire lore, Edward chuckles and then, after dropping Bella home, flippantly observes that now that the treaty’s broken, why not genocide? I’m not even kidding, it’s right there in Midnight Sun; he seriously thinks about the fact that he’d be technically justified now in wiping out the entire tribe because a teenager tried to impress a girl with a spooky story. That is fucked. Remember, Edward was there with Carlisle when the treaty was first established. He knows how remarkable it is that they even came to a truce in the first place, that it was only ever possible because Carlisle is...well, Carlisle, and that it marks a pretty significant moment in supernatural history. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t respect it, or he’d never think something like “Ha ha, if I went and killed them all, I wouldn’t even be wrong. I mean, I won’t do it, but I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be wrong.”

Again: not the thought process or behavior of a sane person. (Or a person that respects life in general -- sorry Carlisle, big L.)]

Finally, whether he's a narcissist or not, I think the fact that Edward has constant, unavoidable access to everyone's thoughts is a powerful contributing factor to his instability. He can tune out the mental noise to an extent, but he can't stop it -- so he comes to rely on it like another sense. This causes issues with disconnect and lack of empathy, of course, but there's another facet to this shit diamond: he's basically experiencing a ceaseless flow of intrusive thoughts. His narration in Midnight Sun suggests that he "hears" the words people think, can "see" what they visualize in their mind's eye, and can sense the emotional "tone" and intensity of their thoughts. Therefore, perceiving Jasper's thirst through his thoughts makes Edward more aware of his own, "doubling" the discomfort. This would be a lot to deal with even from just his immediate coven members, but Edward gets all of this pouring into his head like a firehose on a day-to-day basis because the Cullens live right alongside humans. I know Meyerpires have galaxy brains or whatever, but that's a ton to process.

Besides the compounding effect on his own thirst when he "feels" the thirst of others, Meyer never suggests that Edward has difficulty separating his own thoughts from other people's; even when he was newly turned, he recognized Carlisle's "voice" in his head as Carlisle's. That would create a whole different host of issues around identity, but it looks like Edward's escaped that particular torment. However, I can easily imagine that what he does experience is just shy of unbearable nonetheless, with an eroding effect on his sanity over decades. He can't sleep to escape it; he's on a dishwater diet and probably (like the rest of his family) experiencing a perpetual, low-grade physical discomfort due to his thirst never being fully satisfied; and he's around far more people than is the norm for vampires -- even discounting all the humans, his own coven is unusually large -- meaning more noise.

Honestly, it would be weirder if he were all there, considering.

And even though I feel like I lost a sense of structure around where I started ranting about telepathy, I've written like 1.5k words about Edward fucking Cullen and I think that's enough for one post.

[yanderecandystore]

hellu, can I request how would Delinquents, teachers, and bullies react to female reader pepper-sprayed the twins for self-defense when they try to beat up reader?

Hello, it's been a while, I'm sorry it took so long- I've been dealing with a lot of school assignments and I can't lie that I have frequent breakdowns over this-

I'll try and upload the requests that I already have and see if I should open up for requests again, or leave it be closed until the waves of work I need to do gets less overwhelming.

I hope y'all are doing great, stay safe everyone.

I'll make this a very short scenario boo.

TW: this is basically a civil war at this point- // for each pair, I'll add a different context (since technically the delinquents aren't from the same institution as the bullies) // female reader // bullying // self defense // anxiety // bullying (verbal and physical) // mentions of stalker behavior and brief mentions of distrust and paranoia

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Triple Spice combo [Yandere!Teachers / Yandere!Delinquents / Yandere!Bullies x F!Reader - Scenario]:

🎇Let me set the stage for a quick sec!🎇

So I'll explain what will happen- This is basically a post with three different timelines, each one based on each character type you're more interested in (example: you want some sour delinquents? You can follow the delinquent timeline and see how they react). Each follows almost similar circumstances, but still a bit differently to be able to fit for each individual timeline.

Come with me boo cause this one is long!

🎆: 🍒Bully's Timeline🍭

You have been the target of bullying for some weeks now, ever since you crossed some rich kids while going to your college. Unfortunately for you, they seem to be heading to the same location as you, apparently they also studied there- Although it should have been quite obvious. You're not the type to confront people physically, and you don't really feel like capable of fighting people of on your own, but because with their constant presence in your life you started to feel the need to get yourself prepared for what was going to come- Especially since you didn't feel like you could count on anyone.

You bought pepper spray in hopes of being able to stop your tormentors from continuing with their sick game.

That's when the incident happened, you were minding your own business when they came looking for trouble. You took the opportunity to finally put a stop on this by spraying their eyes with it.

✳️🍒Bullies🍭:

→ Alexandra Coldwell:

It was so fast and so painful that she couldn't even understand what just happened- Like- How dare you?! How fucking dare you?!! You think this is funny? This wasn't supposed to happen at all!

"- AAAAH!- what?- OH MY GOD-" Alexandra wasn't able to even finish her sentence, the pain was too much for her to handle. As she dropped to the ground trying to clean her eyes out, she couldn't help but feel confused as to what had even happened.

How could you do something so cruel to her?? Yes, she followed you, bullied you, made rumours about you, pulled your hair a couple of times and maybe she did throw insults towards you- But she didn't try to blind you!!

The worst part isn't even the humiliation she is going through, it's the fact you thought you would be able to pull a stunt like this and go away without any scars- She is so, absolutely livid by your stupidity.

Alexandra knows you must be liking this- And you know what? Enjoy your last free moments cause she will make sure you'll pay for it. She'll make sure to have a proper revenge under her sleeve, a proper punishment for harming someone like her in public.

Darling, darling, I hope you start looking behind your back from now on, never know what could happen when the person who is obsessed with you is just as insanely pissed off as they're madly in love with you.

→ Adrien Coldwell:

It was so fast and so painful that he couldn't even understand what just happened- Like- How dare you?! How fucking dare you?!! You think this is funny? This wasn't supposed to happen at all!

"- What- Oh my God I'm DYING!-" Adrien would be a lot more dramatic about it, even if he can articulate in great detail how much it hurts. In his panicked state, he started trying to wipe the substance with his sleeves- Which only helped to spread it more.

How fucking dare you not only hurt his precious eyes but also humiliate him on public like this?! What has gotten into you?? Yeah- I guess he did say hurtful stuff, followed you around to torment you, did throw stuff at you- But ya know- He didn't try to take your eyeballs out!?? Now that he thinks about it, he probably should have.

Adrien has a very weird view on your "relationship"- He thinks you're above him and so he must push you down, he loves you but being gentle with you will leave you to pull this kind of shit.

You're probably laughing to yourself now, the man is temporarily blind and you are laughing at him, you're somehow worse than he thought.

Still, he'll make you pay for it, don't worry about it dearest- You're fucked regardless. You tried to stand against him and now sadly he'll have to put you in your place again. Don't worry, it won't be so early- He still needs to prepare his plan.

Darling, darling, I hope you start looking behind your back from now on, never know what could happen when the person who is obsessed with you is just as insanely pissed off as they're madly in love with you.

🎆: 🍎Teacher's Timeline📕

You have been the target of bullying for some weeks now, ever since you crossed some rich kids while going to your college. Unfortunately for you, they seem to be heading to the same location as you, apparently they also studied there- Although it should have been quite obvious. You're not the type to get physical when it comes to defending yourself, but you felt that you still needed to do something about it- You talked with the only person you could trust in this moment, since they were your mentor and you needed some guidance from someone that could potentially help you solve this out.

Their idea was to be able to personally see the harassment happening so they could have visual proof of who is doing what to you, hopefully being able to expel the ones causing you harm.

They personally gave you pepper spray in hopes that if they aren't near you to help you, you can at least defend yourself in some way.

That's when the incident happened, you were minding your own business when they came looking for trouble. You took the opportunity to finally put a stop on this by spraying their eyes with it.

✳️🍎Teachers📕:

→ Matthew Robinson:

Although you thought to be in a situation where no one would be able to help you- Causing you to use your only item of self-defense- That couldn't have been further from the truth, as Matthew has made sure to pay close attention to you after you came by and ask for his guidance. It was a call for help and he would have been a horrible mentor to not make sure you'll follow his instructions, and it seemed like you did perfectly fine.

He got to be present to not only see the ones causing you harm, but also to see how well you're able to take care of yourself. He was going to intervene as soon as he saw them come closer, but you managed to stop them all by yourself- Honestly he is very proud of you for being able to stand your ground.

Since Matthew was able to see them starting the aggression just like many other witness surrounding the scene, he felt like he had an argument strong enough to be able to properly punish your bullies- Of course he is aware that the Coldwells have a reputation for getting staff members fired for trying to reprimanding them, but honestly he has been inside this place long enough already.

Getting fired isn't his problem, his problem is not being able to give them what they deserve for frightening you, and even worse than that: He needed to make sure you would stay safe in and out of college- You came to him saying they were following you outside of your classes, so of course he'll be worried for your safety.

After expelling the Coldwells, Matthew will just need to find a way of keeping you safe and under his surveillance, you may need more guidance after all, and it would be extremely worrying to not have you by his side. He just needs to plan out a better schedule for you two, one where he can be more present in your life after you're done with your classes.

I wonder what plan comes to his mind.

→ Madeline Allen:

Although you thought to be in a situation where no one would be able to help you- Causing you to use your only item of self-defense- That couldn't have been further from the truth, as Madeline has made sure to pay close attention to you after you came by and ask for her guidance. Madeline has been following you while you walked through the school's halls as she recorded every interaction you had with any of the other students. After you called her for help she entered full protection mode, she was set on getting your tormentors expelled.

However, Madeline hasn't been inside the institution to be able to earn the trust of the other teachers, or even the principal themselves- She needed some evidence and better witness testimony than those from students who were terrified of getting in trouble with the bullies around this place. You could say she had a guess as to who could be causing you trouble but she wouldn't be allowed to take action unless she could prove their identity and involvement in bullying you.

She gave you the pepper spray hoping you would feel less worried, to feel calmer in knowing you had not only something that you could use against them but also to symbolize how she would be there for you if you needed. Seeing you using it for the first time as you spray in the eyes of the culprits made her realize that she was in fact correct. Of course it's them, right?

If there is something wrong happening in Amaryllis, you can almost always pin it for being the Coldwell's fault. Bullying it's probably the least surprising thing this little demons have been accused of- Still, their rein over this institution and your worried little mind ends today, she doesn't care if she lost her job or if they try ruining her life by blackmailing her and such-

They can try but she is pretty sure they won't have any luck finding her, what can I say, she is good at burning evidence. What worries her though it's what will happen to you if they ever try to take their frustrations out on you again. She can't allow that to happen, you'll end up getting hurt and she'll feel awful if it was because of her interference in the case.

You need her help after all, right? You did come to her asking for guidance, and clearly you know nothing about physical self-defense- You clearly need someone to take care of you dearest. She needs to plan this out carefully, not only so the twins aren't allowed in school's grounds but to hopefully be able to guide you even if she is not your teacher anymore. But how could she have you near her everyday after classes?

I wonder what plan comes to her mind.

🎆: 🍋Delinquent's Timeline🐍

You have been the target of bullying for some weeks now, ever since you crossed some rich kids while going to your college. Fortunately for you, they didn't seem to go the same college as you did- Yet what you should have known was that nothing in life could have been so simple, you would still see them again over and over again after that incident. You started to feel anxious knowing that they were probably stalking you to know exactly when and where to find you, and since you already have to deal with going to a horrible institution and fearing for your own safety everyday.

You bought pepper spray so you could defend yourself not only from your stalkers but also from any possible classmate that could end up trying something weird with you.

That's when the incident happened, you were minding your own business when they came looking for trouble. You took the opportunity to finally put a stop on this by spraying their eyes with it.

✳️🍋Delinquents🐍:

→ Jackson Macnee:

He doubts you noticed that he was there when that happened, he doubts that you even care if he is staring at you at all- He always thought you were probably too scared of him to even tell him to stop, most people aren't scared of his appearance but are at least aware of his title, so they at least respect the path he walks. He is already used to this.

But let me tell you, to see the Coldwells come so near his territory seemed pretty interesting at first- Until he discovered why they were dumb enough to come here. He didn't know you were being bullied, let alone by these brats- He did notice you had changed your behavior recently, although he didn't pay any attention to it because he thought you were just getting accustomed with the way things work around Saint's Bernard hellhole of a place.

He was hoping that maybe you were just having issues with settling in- It is a rough place after all, and although he wishes deep down to be able to help you feel stronger he still feels like he shouldn't make you do something you don't want to. If you wished to talk to him, you should just go straight to him (even if he is aware of how terrifying that could be).

However, Jack was so far from the truth. His assumptions were confirmed fake after he saw the twins Coldwell treat you like he treated him- It was unbearable to watch, it was like he was seeing his past collide with his present self, you were reminding him of all the things he hated about himself, while also bringing his blood to boil in a desperate need to help you out. Yet he didn't need to do anything about it, you managed to defend yourself on your own.

It wasn't as rewarding to watch as he wanted it to be, but you sure did crack their ego pretty badly- He shouldn't have doubted you, after all he has been stalking you for so long, he should have known what you were capable of doing. Still, he doesn't trust the Coldwells enough to just let them run away like that, they would probably come back soon.

In the meantime, this should be a good excuse to get to talk with you, right? You clearly need some actual training, some flimsy pepper spray bottle isn't going to stop them from coming back. I hope you're ready to be trained by a lovesick delinquent, he won't be soft until he knows you can stand on your own.

→ Jannette Sartorius

She doubts you noticed that she was there when that happened, she doubts that you even care if she is staring at you at all- She always thought you were probably too scared of her to even tell her to stop, most people are scared of her. She is trying to get used to it.

Janette thinks she has every reason to observe you from afar, you're beautiful and you seem too precious to be in a place as horrible as this one, it must suck a lot for you to be somewhere like this-Seeing people like her.

She considered calling you to join her gang, but she is sure that you'll probably deny the offer- Physical confrontation was never your thing right? She can respect that.

Although you don't talk with her, or even interact with the other students at all, she did notice you were acting a bit more- Reclusive these days. Something was wrong, and sadly she would have to find out about it way too late.

Janette didn't know the twins personally, she knew they were rich and famous but- Yeah, she didn't really care about knowing anything about them, they're just some pretty faces amongst the others in the fashion industry. She does envy them a little bit, but tries to avoid anything relating to them since she feels self-conscious looking at their pictures. Now she has a new reason to hate their porcelain faces, they were stalking you.

They were stalking you and taunting you, and if you didn't do anything to stop them she would have already jumped in. They were alone, and honestly she doubts they have any idea of how to go one on one with someone- There is no way these brats have any experience in fighting, right?

Well, she didn't get to know that since they ran away after you sprayed their faces with pepper spray, clever girl.

She knows this is probably not the end of this, they did threaten to come back and hurt you for defending yourself. But you know- She doesn't plan on letting that happen, not again. Consider yourself lucky cause now you just got a new best friend who I set on protecting you.

Is there something wrong with that? Aren't you happy with being her friend? Well, you could just go to "girlfriends" if that's what you want- She wouldn't mind it at all.

Janette prefers to take care of you without you having to watch her beat someone's ass- But she could teach you a few things if you wished to, hey, spending time with someone so cool it's always nice, so of course she'll take every chance she can to spend as much time with you as possible.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[photogrivy]

Max Hayashi, photographer for the New York Rangers, the very man who’d made Ivy come consecutively just hours before, was now staring back at her with a look of shock that Ivy almost wanted to believe was real. His perfectly chiseled jaw had dropped, smoothing over the sweet crinkle at the corners of his eyes and the adorably endearing creases and dimples that seemed to spread the length of his face the night before as they’d stumbled through his apartment, throwing caution and their clothes to the wind. Somehow, the fact that he was equally as sexy when confused seemed to frustrate Ivy even further, because of course the guy who’d both fucked her senseless and made her laugh was both the hottest man alive and the bane of her life. She really had the worst luck. 

“Must be nice, huh?” She rolled her eyes, gesturing with one hand to his naked form, silently willing away the traitorous throb she felt between her legs. “Getting to walk around looking like that, and not have to worry about people calling you out on your shit.” 

A mixture of both frustration and arousal unfurled in Ivy’s stomach, and she finally accepted that her own state of undress might become a bit of an issue. The last thing she needed was him getting a hard on at the sight of her naked and dripping wet and for the two of them to fall back into bed with some steamy, nasty hate-sex. Not that the visual was totally horrible actually, but she really shouldn’t. She was just about ready to ask him if he could, at the very least, lend her a t-shirt when he spoke up, apparently on the same page. 

“Uh, yeah, that would be good,” Ivy blushed, suddenly embarrassed by the entire predicament. It wasn’t lost on her how utterly ridiculous the whole scenario was, and it seemed only right that she of all people would land herself in it. “Can’t say I was loving the idea of yelling at you while my nipples stared at you like you were God’s gift to foreplay, so. Thanks.” 

She was fidgety and disgruntled as he turned his back to her, a slow blush rising to her cheeks. In truth, there was a brief moment where Ivy wondered if she was overreacting? It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for her to fly off the handle and lose her temper rather than taking a moment to pause and assess the situation. She missed the feel of her phone in her hand, needing a vice to grip onto, something to remind her that she wasn’t totally insane, and her eyes trailed to the floor where it had feebly landed. It was a piece of junk as it was, but she was already regretting her small act of aggression, hoping she hadn’t done further damage to it; with another rejection under her belt, she wasn’t exactly in a position to buy a new phone. 

When he finally turned back to her, a crumpled shirt fisted into his hand, the red and blue glaring as he handed it to her. Ivy wasn’t a sports fan, she had no idea what the rules of hockey were and had never been able to wrap her head around Louis’ football games back when she’d been dragged along to them. Evidently, Max was the opposite. For one, fleeting second, she thought maybe she’d judged him harshly – maybe it was possible he’d been hired because the team had seen his passion for sports, had recognised that it was something important to him that he had an honest, genuine connection with. Unlike Ivy who, until recently, hadn’t even known that hockey could be played on ice. 

Tugging it from his outstretched hand, ready to take a breather and drop the psycho act, Ivy glanced down at the shirt as it unraveled right before her eyes. Any feelings of remorse or guilt were immediately extinguished when her gaze landed on the crest that was stitched into the jersey, the words RANGERS printed in a large, hideous font across the chest. 

“Is this a joke?” Ivy muttered, her voice low as she shook her head, not quite believing her luck. 

Turning it over in her hands, her eyes widened at the sight of HAYASHI printed on the back, the number 13 below the name in red and white lettering. So, she’d gotten her rejection email during the early hours of her morning, yet this asshole already had a complimentary jersey to welcome him to the club? One that had clearly already been worn and washed if the state he’d pulled it out of his drawer was anything to go by. 

“So, you’re telling me that not only did you, the Rangers apparent golden boy Max fuckin’ Hayashi, get the job I’ve been waiting weeks to hear back from, but they’re out here sending you free shit while I'm riding your dick and waiting to hear if I've been rejected?!” 

It had taken him too long to realise that the look on the other woman’s face wasn’t one of fear, but anger. Anger at him. He tried to think of what he could possibly have done to frustrate her so much in the five seconds since he’d woken up, but was coming up short. Yet here she stood, stark naked and glaring at him.

“Braindead? What?” He narrowed his eyes in helpless confusion.

Had she been drunker than he’d initially thought last night? He cast his mind back to the bar where, admittedly, they’d both had a few drinks. But he also remembered them both being entirely conscious and fully aware of what they were doing. In fact, he’d been impressed by the tolerance of the dark-haired woman, who’d drank him under the table and still stayed standing. And perfectly coherent. Oh hell, what if she’d thought he’d coerced her into all of this?

A sick feeling settled in his stomach at the possibility, and he watched the woman carefully. He quickly pulled his hand back from her elbow, suddenly aware that touching her was likely to be the last thing she wanted right now.

“Me?” he half-squeaked when she pointed an accusing finger in his direction. The way his voice broke around the word wasn’t his finest moment, but he was too preoccupied with wondering what the hell he’d done to really focus on that.

When the woman stated that everything was not, in fact, okay, he gave her a look which suggested, yeah, he’d already gotten that, thanks. Suddenly, a phone was been launched onto his bed and he followed its trajectory as it give a sad little bounce then clattered onto the floor. There was a brief pause when he waited for the woman to bend down and pick it up but she remained where she was, stoic and unforgiving in her stance. Clearly, whatever Max had done was somehow ten times more important than a potentially cracked phone screen.

She hadn’t exactly thrown the phone in just rage though. In fact, it was more like the phone was her source of anger. Had someone messaged her something? About him?

He remembered the one time he’d gotten into it with Tommy, when his stupidly romantic baby brother had been seeing two girls at the same time, gotten heavily attached to the both of them and just… said nothing. Which had led to a tagged photo from one of them that the other girl had seen and she’d immediately messaged the first girl to set her straight. Which had then led to a John Tucker Must Die situation for Tommy that Max had been thoroughly unsympathetic about. He’d thought he’d taught him better than that.

At least he knew his conscience was clean. He wasn’t seeing anyone right now! So that couldn’t have been what was bothering her, right?

As soon as she asked him if anyone had called him an entitled jackass, his jaw dropped.

“What? No!” he said, because it was true. Nobody had called him that before, it was entirely new. “Why would you think I’m entitled?”

He pressed his fingers to his temples to ward off his impending headache.

“Look,” he said, after drawing in a deep breath through his nose. “Do you want to borrow a shirt or something?”

He was aware of the fact that they were both still standing naked, like a Western stand-off but the adult movie version. He also knew their clothes were still out in the hallway, because they hadn’t quite made it to his bedroom for their first round so all of the woman’s belongings were strewn outside as they’d frantically tugged them off. He reached into his drawer and pulled out the first shirt his hand found, his old New York Rangers jersey.

“Why don’t you put this on and you can tell me what the hell I’ve done to piss you off so much?”

[mydisenchantedeulogy]

Maze of Emotions [Ishigami Senku]

Connected to the fandom The Future Leaves Nothing Behind.

A/n: this scenario takes place during Season 1 Episode 12 of the anime and Chapter 32 of the manga. Please enjoy.

Warning(s): angst, minor kiss, annoyance and anger, teenage romance (chronologically the characters are over 3,700 years old), no fear of death.

Her heart filled with dread. Did he not care that he might die? Again? She thought she’d lost him once to Tsukasa. Her heart could not take another scare like that again. Science was going to kill him; she knew this; he didn’t care, and so far, she said nothing while cheering him on from the sidelines. But this new project may be his last.

Nozomi sent a heated look at Senku. Logic or not, he was an idiot. She understood how dangerous sulfuric acid was, but going alone to collect it was insane. Standing between Chrome and him, she honestly wanted to punch Senku herself.

“We can reason through this,” she stated as calmly as possible. “No one has to die.”

Chrome agreed with a heated nod. “Nozomi is right. You’re not going to die, because we’re going to figure out a better way to get the sulfuric acid without being reckless.”

“There is no better way given the time we have,” Senku stated.

Nozomi rolled up her eyes. Was he serious? She knew Senku could figure out an easier and safer way to get the element. What was his deal? Did he not care how she felt?

“Talk some sense into him, Nozomi. He won’t lis––"

“He’s right…you’re being reckless. We need you, Sen. Two scientists on the field have a better chance than one.”

He sighed. “The chances of us dying are pretty high. At least if I die, Chrome will still be able to save Ruri.”

Nozomi curled up her nose. “Listen to you; I know the chances, but no one here wants to see you die – least of all me. I’ve never disagreed with your decisions before, but I won’t let you go out there alone.”

“He isn’t,” Chrome assured her. “Because I’ll be going with him.”

Senku puckered a brow. “I never agreed to that. All I’m saying is someone needs to carry on the knowledge of science. I know the mechanics of the gas mask better than anyone, so the logical choice should be me.”

“That is––"

She had enough. “Go then; go die! But remember, you can’t save the world by throwing your life away!”

Nozomi tossed him a heated glare and stomped off towards the storage treehouse. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was mad, but her heart was broken. What would she do if he died? For 3,700 years she longed to be with him, and though their relationship wasn’t certain, he allowed her closer to him than anyone before.

The fleeting glances; the gentle touches. Was it all for nothing? Nozomi was annoyed. She climbed up the ladder and quickly went to bed. To hell with him; she didn’t care.

--

The next morning when she woke, Nozomi discovered that Chrome, Ginro, and Senku had gone together to get the sulfuric acid. She was somewhat relieved but feared that only one, or none of them would return.

She stood, staring into the forest.

“The woes of young love,” Kaseki declared, standing beside her.

Nozomi glanced over at him; tears blurred her eyes. “It hurts sometimes, but I always knew caring for someone like Senkuu would.”

“Caring for anyone does,” he stated. “Got to keep your head up and hope for their safety.”

She wiped her tears away. Hop… it’s all she had been doing.

“Do you maybe need some help? I need something to keep my mind off them for a while.”

Kaseki hummed. “I can always use the help. Some of those gadgets from your time are hard to make without a visual.”

She was happy to hear. Staring into the forest again, she took a deep breath and followed Kaseki to his workshop.

--

Around noon, Senku and the others returned. Nozomi was ecstatic.

He came back; he really did.

And with the sulfuric acid in tow.

Nozomi stood near the treehouse and watched them celebrate. She wanted nothing more than to run to Senku and embrace him, but she remained still and cheered silently on the sidelines. This was all she could do for him.

Meeting his curious red eyes, Nozomi turned away and returned to the lab to check on the new glass tubes Kaseki made. She wanted to do more, but what could she do.

A few minutes passed in silence before someone approached her. Nozomi didn’t have to turn around to shed light on who; she had an idea.

“Sorry…but I’m still mad.”

Senku grinned. “As one of the most tenderhearted people I know I had no doubts.”

Was she meant to feel better by this? Being tenderhearted wasn’t an easy thing to manage. She wore her heart on her sleeve; always trapped in a maze of emotions she could not understand or control.

“I’m not like you,” she mentioned, turning to face him. “I can’t be sensible all the time.”

Her emotions were her weakness. Nozomi hated that she broke her agreement with herself to not interfere with his dream, but once he proved how dedicated he was, to the point of sacrificing his life, she could no longer stay quiet.

Though, she may have overdone it a bit by screaming at him.

“Whoever said you had to be?”

She puckered a brow. “No one, but––"

“Had Chrome and you not argued with me, I would have gone alone, and I wouldn’t have noticed the hole in my air hose until it was too late.”

Her eyes widened.

“I would have lost you.”

Hearing her say it aloud was heart breaking.

“But I’m still alive,” Senku declared.

Nozomi held back a sob; her eyes filled with tears.

“I know you said once...but I want to kiss you again."

Or punch you for being reckless.

Senku widened his eyes, then grinned.

“Once more.”

She walked towards him quickly and wrapped her slender arms around his waist, burying her face against his chest. A gentle smile tugged at her lips as his arms slid around her, patting her back in an awkward way. He may not have been used to her obvious affection, but at least he seemed to tolerate it.

Nozomi lifted her head, kissing his lips. She moved back once Senku tensed up.

“Sorry,” she mentioned with a soft laugh.

She wondered if he’d ever let her passionately kiss him. Her face heated up thinking about how she’d ever ask him.

Senku turned his eyes away. “We have a few more steps before we finish the medicine; we need to get back to making it.”

“Of course,” Nozomi chirped.

She took his hand and pulled him from the lab. The others may have been looking, but she didn’t care. Senku was safe; he was back with her and Nozomi couldn’t be happier.

Her heart felt heavy, however. It was wicked of her to want more from him; wicked of her to expect him to put aside his dream to console her. Nozomi eased up on her hold on him and turned to look at him.

“Senku, be safe from now on. Please do that for me.”

He grinned. “If it keeps you at ease.”

She was thrilled.

It didn’t bother her that she couldn’t put a label on what they had; whatever it was they had. All that mattered was that they were together and that they were alive. She couldn’t ask for more.

[berrynarrybanana]

Mrs. Styles - Honeybee Extra

A/N: I would like to let you all know that I don’t know what happened here. I started writing at the beginning of my shift and I just didn’t stop and then bam, this happened? I have links to the outfit and other things mentioned in the fic below. I hope you enjoy the visual trip and the journey of this fic as it is a whirlwind ride. Please let me know if you enjoy this and please tell Harry to stop trying to kill me if you see him, kay? I love you all and I’m here if you need to talk!

Rental House | Outfit |

Word Count: 3k+ 

Warnings: Daddy kink, impreg!kink, roleplay

November 2020

The second the photos broke, I lost it. 

Harry wearing a wedding ring on the set of his new film sent me reeling in a pit of lust and wanting unlike any other. I spent my entire afternoon clenching my thighs together and avoiding small talk with coworkers. I was meant to fly out on Friday afternoon to visit him for the weekend, but I was struggling to hold it together. The wedding band on his finger was taunting me from two thousand miles away and I was caving. Anna had no problem with me disappearing a little early, so long as I had my laptop with me and my articles submitted. 

My flight was switched for Thursday morning instead of Friday evening as originally planned. I had to jump through some hoops to ensure no one actually saw me entering JFK or leaving LAX. Having pap photos taken of me would certainly ruin my surprise. I spent too much time hatching my plan for a group of sleazy men with camera’s to ruin it. 

“Why are you dressed like that?” Harry rubbed at his eyes, his voice scratchy and his brain groggy due to the early hour. “You look like you’re going on a run.”

“I’m doing a bunch of errands for Anna today, so I decided to dress casual.” I shrugged, shifting around in my private lounge seat at the airport. “I’m waiting for a friend of hers to get off their flight before I take them into the office.”

“Thought you were hopping on your flight a little early to surprise me.” He pouted, his eyes shining under the dim lighting. “Made my heart race a little.”

“I wish I could, darling.” I said softly. “I miss you so much already and it’s barely been two weeks.”

“I know, it sucks.” He inhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Only one more sleep and then we’ll be together for the weekend.”

“I can’t wait, squid.” I said softly. “I’ll talk to you later today, okay? Don’t be upset if I can’t answer a text or anything, I’ll be so busy with Anna’s errands-”

“S’alright, honey.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ll be on set so I might not be able to text as often either.”

“Alright.” I said. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He blew a kiss to the camera and I caught it, pressing my fingers to my cheek with a soft giggle. “Have a great day, honey.”

“You too, squid.”

After I hung up with Harry, I jumped into planning mode. 

I already had the address to the rental house and a copy of the key. Harry had sent it to me the moment he got one himself just in case I ever wanted to come visit. We both knew that flight times and his filming schedule might not line up perfectly, so it didn’t hurt to have a key just in case I had to drive from LAX to Palm Springs on my own. I planned on stopping at the Malibu house to steal Roxanne from the garage. It would take me two hours and a half hours to get from Malibu to Palm Springs once I finally started my solo road trip. 

As I switched over to a calming playlist that Harry made for me on my birthday, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. 

I knew that it would be a fun trip, but I could only hope that Harry really liked his surprise. 

                                         ****************************

The sun was beating down on my bare legs as I leaned against Roxanne. 

I anxiously twirled the set of keys around my perfectly painted fingernails. I picked one of the most infamous shades from the 1950’s to match my hair, makeup, and outfit. I rubbed my painted lips together nervously, taking a shuddery breath as I watched the gate of the production set carefully. I thought that it was going to open four times before, but no one had stumbled off set yet. 

They were all set to do a two hour lunch break today and that gave me plenty of time to do what I wanted with Harry back in his rental home. I spent most of my time getting ready there, following several tutorials on vintage hair and makeup before I dressed in my adorable outfit. It was something I saw on a show about a female comedian in the fifties. I adored her style throughout the whole show, but I really loved this outfit on me. 

It was a pair of black and white check shorts with a matching, three quarter sleeve blazer. I went through Harry’s closet, in search of his ivory silk shirt that I’d seen him wear in a pap photo years ago, to add a little special touch to the outfit. It had his last name stitched on the pocket to compliment the fake wedding ring I’d slipped on my finger. 

That was the part I was nervous about. 

I didn’t want him to think that I was insane for finding a piece of costume jewelry to match his own fake wedding ring. I got the idea on the flight over from New York, my mind racing with ideas and scenarios to play out. I ultimately decided that if he could torture me with a wedding ring, then I could torture him with one. 

The gate finally opened as I started to contemplate picking my nails, a loud screeching sound pulling me from my thoughts as I gripped the keys to the benz in my hand tightly.

Florence was the first out, and while I was delighted to meet the girl who was spending so much time with my boyfriend, I didn’t care to meet her just yet. I watched her turn back, letting out a charming giggle as my boyfriend followed suite behind her. Olivia Wilde was next, a bag on her shoulder and a wide smile on her face. A few other familiar faces trailed out after Harry, and suddenly, my nerves had skyrocketed. A lot of famous people were about to see me in a classic fifties get up with a car scarf around my curls and my legs exposed. 

My nerves were soothed for just a moment as I looked at Harry’s freshly cut hair, slicked back in a style that I thought I would hate on him. As per usual, he looked like a daydream. My breath caught in my throat when he looked over at me, his eyes growing wide and a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. Florence caught on to his line of sight, following his gaze until her eyes landed on me. I gave him a quick wave as everyone else turned to look at me and I felt my face grow hot. He pressed a quick kiss to Olivia’s cheek and then Florence’s before jogging my way. 

“What the hell is all this?” He gripped my elbow gently, leaning down to press his lips to mine with a wide smile. “Beatrice, you look so good.”

“I know.” I hummed against his lips, brushing my fingers over his cheek. “Hi.”

“Hiya, honey.” He cooed, wrapping his arms around me. “Fuck me, you’re gorgeous.”

“I thought I’d do a little something to surprise you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, tossing my head back when he pulled the scarf from my head. “Harry!” 

“You did your hair and makeup, too?” He kissed my cheek. “Come on, I want you to meet Olivia and Florence. They’re going to love this.”

“I don’t want her to think I’m mocking her movie.” I glanced down at Harry, causing him to frown slightly. “I did it because I knew you would love it and I had a lot of fun dressing up, but I don’t want to offend her.”

“You won’t.” He reassured me. “She’ll probably make you an extra.”

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes as he pouted. “Fine, I’ll go over there.”

“Thank you.” He set me down, grabbing my hand before tugging me along. 

“Olivia, Florence,” Harry glanced back at me with a giddy grin. “This is my girlfriend, Beatrice.”

“Hello,” I stuck my hand out between us and they both went for a shake. “It’s really nice to meet y’all.”

“You too.” Florence beamed back at me with a smile that was almost as bright as the sun. “I just want to thank you for letting me borrow your boyfriend. He’s such a lovely person and a dream to work with.”

“Try baking with him, you’ll change your mind.” I squeezed Harry’s hand, letting out a soft chuckle. “He’s like a toddler when he gets in the kitchen.”

“I can’t imagine him in an apron.” Olivia laughed. “We have to see that.”

“I have pictures, I’ll make sure to give him a framed one for his trailer.” I pressed my lips together as Harry squeaked out. 

“Alright, I didn’t think you’d all gang up on me.” He said playfully. “I wanted to show you off and here you are, teasing me for baking.”

“I’m teasing you because you steal the batter on a spoon, not because you’re baking. I love baking with you.” I bumped my hip into his, smiling up at him. “But I’ve got to keep you grounded, don’t I? Your head will inflate and I’ll have to tie a cinder block to your foot to keep you from floating off.” 

“Haha, you’re so funny.” He scrunched his nose up and I tossed my head back, letting out a loud laugh. “Anyways, what do you think of her outfit?”

“Oh, Harry, don’t-”

“It looks great, actually.” Olivia said. “Did I see that on the set of the Marvelous Mrs. Masiel?” 

“Yeah, you did.” I nodded. “I love that show and all of her outfits so much.”

“It looks adorable on you.” Florence said. “You work for Vogue, don’t you?” 

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I did a piece with one of your Little Women co-stars not too long ago, actually.”

“I thought you seemed familiar.” She exclaimed. “You came on set one day, didn’t you?”

“I did.” I nodded. “It was an honest to god, out of body experience for me. I loved Little Women so much as a girl. I seriously wanted to change my name to Josephine after reading it.”

“And then the film was so bloody amazing!” Florence exclaimed. “Harry, why have you kept her away from us for so long?”

“S’not my fault she has a job.” He rolled his eyes, chortling playfully. “I tried to convince her that being a housewife was much more fun, but I think she read the script and decided against it.”

“Yeah, I sure did.” I laughed softly alongside Olivia and Florence. “We should do dinner or something this weekend. I don’t know if you all have plans, but Harry’s rental house has a table that seats like, eight people.”

“That sounds wonderful.” Olivia said. “Just let us know the details and I’ll pass it along to the other main actors.”

“Sounds great.” Harry said. “Well, I’m going to steal my girl away if you don’t mind. I’ll see you in two hours?”

“See you then, Harry.” Florence waved before she took off in the direction of her car. “Bye, Beatrice!”

“Bye, Florence.” I waved back at her with a giggle before turning to Olivia. “It was really lovely to meet you. I’ll make sure to get him back in time.”

“Thank you.” She laughed. “Have a great lunch, you two.” 

“Thanks.” Harry and I said at the same time. 

When Olivia was gone, Harry looked down at me with a smirk. 

“Do I get to fuck you now?” He asked, his dimple popping out. 

“It depends.” I said slowly. “Would you, by chance, like to partake in a little role play?”

“It depends.” He said back. “What do you have in mind?”

I walked forward, smoothing my hands over his t-shirt covered chest. I pressed up on my toes, bringing my lips as close to his ears as I could get them. 

“Do you still have your wedding ring from set?”

                             ********************************************

“Honey!” I heard Harry’s voice from where I was lounging on the sofa, a magazine draped over my thighs. “I’m home.”

I smiled, flipping through my magazine without actually paying attention to it. 

I heard Harry’s footsteps moments later, his dress shoes tapping along the concrete floor of the house. I tilted my head up when he moved in front of me, his eyes trailing over my body. 

“You look comfortable.” He said, reaching for my magazine with two fingers. “You didn’t answer when I called out for you.”

“Sorry, darling,” I hummed out when he pressed his lips to mine. “I was invested in an article.”

“You and your articles.” He breathed against my lips. “It’s been ages since I’ve seen you. Are you just going to sit there?”

“I was planning on it, sweet pea.” I brushed my thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m relaxing my feet.”

“Now, I’ve been gone on business for six days, honey. I would like the chance to properly greet my beautiful wife.” He smirked, setting his briefcase to the coffee table behind him. 

“Mr. Styles,” I twisted my legs off the couch, standing up between the furniture and Harry. “I don’t know what you’re insinuating, but I’ve got far too much to get done today. I’ve still got grocery shopping to do and well, I have to call your Mother.”

“I have a better plan, doll.” He roughly gripped my hips, his fingers digging into my sides harshly as he yanked me against his chest. “How about we sneak off for a little afternoon delight?” 

“Harry Styles, I don’t think so.” I mocked offense, swatting his shoulder. “I’m far too busy.”

“Make time for your husband, honey.” He cooed, brushing his knuckles against my cheek gently before he gripped my chin. “Make love with your husband.” 

“Mr. Styles, you do drive a hard bargain.” I whispered, my breath catching in my throat as our eyes connected in a lustful gaze. “I do have something I’ve been wanting to show you.”

“Mrs. Styles, what have you been up to while daddy’s been away?” He hummed out as his lips brushed against my red painted lips. “Have you been naughty?” 

“No,” I smirked. “I’ve been an angel.”

“Prove it.” He whispered moments before our lips collided. 

He kissed me just like they did in the old movies, his body wrapping around mine. I moaned against him when I felt his tongue slip over my own, giving me a taste of what I had been craving for two weeks now. I let out a giggle and then a squeak of surprise when I felt his hands under my bum, lifting me up into his arms. I wrapped my legs around him, holding on tight as he walked us from the living room towards the bedroom. He dropped me on the bed before grabbing my right ankle, holding my leg up as my ankle rested on his shoulder. 

“These heels…” He started to fiddle with the clasp, finally pulling the strap loose before he slipped it off. “They’re new.”

“Just bought them.” I gripped the duvet under my fingers. “Do you like them?” 

“Yes.” He kissed my ankle before gently resting my right leg on the bed. “Did you buy them with daddy’s money?” 

“I did.” I bit my lower lip as my core clenched, my walls fluttering at his tone. “I bought them for you.”

“You didn’t even ask daddy before you bought them.” He tutted, reaching for my left ankle. “You’re getting bold.”

“I just wanted to surprise you.” I said. 

“I’m very surprised.” He gave me a soft wink, one that let me know my Harry was still in this version of him that we’d quickly created in the car. 

A business man with a daddy kink in the 1950’s that wanted to knock his wife up after a long business trip. It was a simple plot, but it combined quite a few kinks into one scenario, so we didn’t really mind. I giggled when he reminded me that daddy was a common nickname in that time period, something girls called their husbands in a provocative setting. 

When both of my heels were off, Harry brushed his hands up my bare thighs until they landed on my hips. He gently guided me towards the center of the bed before kneeling over me. I lifted both hands up, cupping his cheeks as he leaned down to kiss my lips. 

“Mrs. Styles,” He hummed out. “I’ve been thinking?”

“About what, Mr. Styles?” I pressed my lips over his cheek, sliding my fingers towards the back of his neck. 

“I think it’s been quite lonely around here.” He said. “I can’t imagine you’re enjoying all of this time alone when I’m away on business.” 

“I get by just fine.” I said softly, dropping my head back to the mattress. “Do you want to get a dog, Harry? Is that what this is about?”

“I don’t want to get a dog, darling.” He chuckled, brushing his nose over mine. “I want a baby.”

“A baby?” My eyes grew wide. “Isn’t it a bit soon, darling? We’ve only been married for five months.” 

“That’s more than enough time, doll.” He whined. “I want us to have a beautiful little baby to love and to dote on. I want to show her off in front of my friends and my family-”

“Oh, Mr. Styles.” I sighed, shaking my head. “Don’t you know I’d do anything for you, darling.”

“Is that a yes?” He smirked, his eyes lighting up.

“Yes.” I gasped out when he rutted his hips forward. “Please.”

He wasted no time, stripping me from my blazer and then my tiny shorts. He tossed them aside carelessly, his hands falling to the buttons on the silk shirt that I had stolen from our closet. 

“S’this mine?” He glanced up at me with a confused smirk. “Haven’t seen this in ages.”

“S’yours.” I nodded, holding the lapel to the side to show off his name. “S’got your name on it and everything.”

“Cheeky girl.” He cooed out, dropping his head to press a kiss to my stomach. “It’s our name.”

I let out a low whine in the back of my throat, shifting my hips as Harry made it to the last button towards the top of the dress shirt. I watched his face carefully as he pushed it to the side, his eyes scanning the black, vintage set that I had purchased for today. 

“You’re trying to kill me.” He gasped out as his fingers brushed over the skin of my stomach to my breasts. “Fucking….I can’t take this anymore. I need to be inside of you.”

“Then get inside of me, Mr. Styles.” I lifted my legs, spreading them apart slightly so he could see the cut out area on the crotch of the panties. “You don’t even have to take everything off.”

Harry’s eyes were on mine, burning a dark shade of emerald as he licked over his bottom lip. I giggled when he started to unbuckle his trousers, tanking the zipper down before he tucked his hand in. He pulled his cock out, giving it a few firm strokes before he hovered his body over mine. Seconds later, I felt the stretch of my walls around his cock, causing my body to tense.

“There’s my girl.” He grunted out, pushing himself in as far as he could possibly go before pressing a few, sloppy kisses to my face. “So snug around me, aren’t you?”

“Harry.” I dropped my hands to his back, digging my nails into the cotton of his shirt as he pulled out slowly. Seconds later, he was pushing back in and I was gasping for air. “Fuck, that’s nice.”

“Mrs. Styles, you have such a filthy mouth.” He smeared his lips over mine before both of his hands found their home by my ears. “Who taught you to talk like that?” 

“You.” I let out a breathless chuckle that quickly faded as the tip of his cock massaged my g-spot. 

“Yeah?” His eyelids fluttered shut as he continued to work his hips in a steady rhythm. “No other blokes have been hangin’ round here?” 

“None.” I shook my head as my nails drug down to his lower back and eventually to his bum. I pushed my fingers down his pants, digging my nails into the flesh there. “Just you.”

“You’re my girl.” He gritted out as a single curl fell to his forehead. “Only mine.”

“Only yours.” I whimpered, biting at my lower lip. “You feel so good, Harry.” 

“Can’t wait to see you pregnant, honey.” He let out a whine of his own, clenching his eyes. “It’s gonna be so beautiful, seeing you round and full while you carry my baby..”

“I want it so bad, Harry.”

“And after this baby,” He let out a strangled moan, delivering another sharp thrust that had me gasping. “I’m gonna put another one in you, and then another.” 

“Please, I want it.” I nodded, sliding my fingers back up his back. “Want you closer.”

He pressed his body into mine, his hips moving in desperate thrusts and his pelvis applying pressure to my clit with each move. I tossed my head back, silently asking for his lips to press against my throat. I felt him latch on as his thrust started to get sloppier. I knew that he was close by the little whines pulling from his throat and the puffs of air hitting my skin. 

Harry’s hand slipped between our bodies in no time, rubbing my clit with an urgency that I’d never experienced before with him. I felt my body flush warm and my walls tighten around him as he delivered three final thrusts. We both cried out when he spilled into me, filling my walls with his cum until it dripped out onto the black panties still settled onto my hips. 

“You bought yourself a ring?” our chests were both heaving, his body still pressed into mine. 

I tried to let out a giggle, but he was heavy against my body and it came out wheezy. 

“It’s costume jewelry.” I brushed my hand over his back. “Just thought it would be fun after I saw you wearing that ring on set. I saw the pictures online and they nearly killed me.”

“Mhm, you’re just trying to seduce me into proposing earlier than I planned.” He lifted his head, pressing his lips against mine in a sweet kiss. “Hello, honey.”

“Hiya, darling.” I lifted my hand, tugging gently on the curl that fell over forehead with a fond smile. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” He whispered. “I love you and everything you do for me. I don’t tell you enough how much I appreciate you for being the best girlfriend out there.”

“Harry-” 

“Don’t deflect or play it down,” He said sternly. “I mean every word from the bottom of my heart, Beatrice. I...no one else on set has had a spouse or partner come visit them on the weekends. No one else had flowers sent to their trailer or daily facetime calls and inspirational messages. You make me feel so loved and so special on a daily basis and that means the world to me. So thank you for being you, honey. I love you with all of my heart.”

“I love you, too.” I sniffled, blinking rapidly as a few tears fell down my temples, into my hair. “I hope you liked your surprise. I didn’t want to freak you out, but I thought it would be fun.”

“It was.” He brushed his nose over mine. “It was a lot of fun, actually. I think we should mess around like that more often.”

“Not too often, though.” I chuckled. “One of these days, I’ll actually end up pregnant.” 

“Wheat’s wrong with that?” He hummed out. 

“One step at a time, darling.” I patted his shoulder. “Oh, just so you know, we won’t be having a girl first.”

“Excuse me?” Harry hissed when I pushed at his shoulders, causing him to slip out of my walls. I guided him to his back before I climbed on top of him, pressing my palms to his tummy. “I don’t...what?” 

“You said ‘her’ earlier, but we’re having a boy first.” I said casually. “I know it.”

“How do you know it?” He chuckled as his brows creased. “Did you make a deal with Stevie at one of her witch things?” 

“I didn’t need to make a deal, I just know it.” I patted his cheek. “Gonna name him Ellis.”

“Why Ellis?” He tilted his head to the side. “Where did you hear that?” 

“Ellis Island.” I smiled. “We took our first vacation together in New York and the ferry to Ellis Island was one of my favorite parts of that trip. It’s a piece of our history.”

“I love that.” He said softly. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” I giggled, leaning forward to press my lips against his. “Round two?” 

“Why, Mrs. Styles, I like the way you think.”

[backseatsiren]

A Dramatic Day

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here! There are a couple of reasons: first, my life has reached brave new heights of busy - I was promoted to Editor in Chief at work a bit over a year ago, and my responsibilities there obviously take a lot of time. I’m also teaching more courses than usual at Berklee (right now, one section of Film and TV and two of Game Design Principles), and, as usual, I’m training grappling on top of it all. Plus, naturally, the ambulance. I’m hitting my tour hours, and proud to do it, and as pumped as ever to be an EMT in this neighborhood.

I’m also... very, very, VERY slowly *actually writing a book* about all of this. I’ve begun interviewing a few fellow EMTs, mainly volunteers, about what it is we do. Because of how insane my schedule is, it’ll be a very long term project, and I can’t put any pressure to finish soon. But, especially through the pandemic, I’ve felt a desire to document and interview and report on the idea of volunteer emergency medical services in New York City, here in Brooklyn and Queens, and I think other folks might be interested in reading a bit about it.

But I’d like to get back into the practice of writing about calls and concepts and experiences. As always, I’ll respect patients and patient privacy, and will never reveal identifying information or anything inappropriate.

Today was a fairly busy day, but it started with a bit of a dramatic call. We were called to an unknown, and flagged down by a bystander. A man called us over and told us that he saw a man lying on the train tracks (a less-used track, not the subway or commuter rail or anything). He said he regularly feeds a colony of feral cats there, and noticed the gentleman lying down the way.

We thanked him and high tailed it over, yelling out to him (the usual “sir are you ok?”). My more experienced (many, many years in EMS, including at a much higher level of certification) partner took a look at him and said “he might be dead” and began looking forward a pulse. He went for more help (another ambulance was arriving and they needed to be directed over, the physical layout of the space was weird), and he instructed me to look for a pulse. I did, and found nothing. My other partner (a newer EMT, just cleared for CC status, who I also love working with), said “he’s cold to the touch.”

It was raining lightly. The tracks were a little slick, and there was some litter. It’s early may, and the grass had that beautiful sheen on it, that it gets in the rain. Weird things, visual and sense memory things, are coming back as I write about it.

He was lying down on his face on the tracks. I checked for a carotid pulse again and felt nothing. I checked his hands - they were closed and held tight. Rigor Mortis. I checked his arms, his coat, his clothing, careful not to mess with anything, but looking for lividity. He was bleeding from his face, and, on inspection, his face was very clearly badly injured, bruised, and bloated. I was wearing an N95, but even so, you could smell that he was deceased.

I told my more experienced partner that when he arrived with the other crew. We inspected the scene - noting a shovel and some other tools. There was a little encampment nearby - possibly where this man lived. Beer and food in a little shelter.

It certainly looked like foul play was possible. I learned a few minutes later (on my next call) that the cops did start an investigation there.

As one of the other EMTs from the other crew noted, it was “like a movie scene.” Something about the rain and the light, the way the blood pooled, the way the ants crawled around in it... was surreal. It may have been my less experienced partner’s first DOA when they were first on the scene (it wasn’t mine, but it was certainly the first *outdoor* DOA where I’ve been first and had to help establish that). It was my first suspected murder scene.

And yes, it was deeply sad. There’s some initial adrenaline, for me, in every call. There would be more on my other calls today. There is a voice in my head that repeats a lot of the basic instructions and goes through scenarios: “ABCs” (a note to always prioritize airway, breathing, and circulation). I think about what happened in any given situation and what I should do for my patient. I look for threats to everyone’s safety. And when I can breathe and get a clearer picture of what’s going on, that’s when I can start to process things a bit.

We covered him with a clean sheet from the ambulance and did all the things we needed to do. We talked about it a little, after the call. But I always need to think about things for a few hours after, which is what I’m doing here, by writing about it a bit.

I’m a deeply, empathetic person. I feel for my patients. The call I’m about to talk about - the very next call - required that of me in a different way. But in this scenario, I want to first do everything right for the person and situation, and next, be as respectful as humanly possible. This poor man died - was very probably killed - and was left outside in the rain. I don’t know much about his life, and very little about his death. The whole scenario is very sad, and very surreal.

Every time I’ve had a dead patient, it’s stuck with me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget my first, a woman who very probably died of a heart attack or in her sleep, and her son found her. He was mourning. He was on top of the body, hugging her, crying “I’m sorry, mommy,” and there’s... I guess there’s nothing on earth like that. Nothing like that kind of pain. People, as a rule, do not expect to see their loved ones deceased, and when we do, we usually have a ceremony for it.

I’m just a bystander to that. I can do nothing to help the deceased person, and very little for a mourning loved one, besides being a respectful, empathetic human presence. For my deceased patient today, all we could do was establish that he was dead and do the proper things to ensure his remains would be taken care of (and his death investigated).

My next call was very different, but it was heavy in a different way. We got a call for, basically, a suicidal young woman. We arrived, with PD, to her door. The officers assessed things to an extent, but she revealed that she had been traumatized by police in the recent past, and didn’t want any police in her home. I talked with her calmly, and was able to relieve the cops and take this one, with my partner.

We listened to her. She had obviously been through some extreme trauma and needed mental health resources. I won’t reveal any details here, but I had to keep assuring her that I had no handcuffs and wasn’t interested in taking her against her will. She was terrified of being taken somewhere she didn’t want to go, and I basically sat calmly with her and talked to her about her options. Just talking. Just listening.

This is a case, like a patient a couple of years ago, where I’m very happy to take my time. I’m a volunteer, man. I’m not grinding through a shift for miserable pay, as most EMTs are - I’m here because I frankly want to be useful in this manner.

And I’m happy to sit with a person going through emotional hell, because this is what I can help with. I’m five years into being an EMT with RVAC. I do this 2-3 shifts per month, so I’ll never be the fastest, best, EMT in NYC. But I can be the most patient EMT, and I can give plenty of extra time to a person.

I’m not a therapist, and I don’t pretend to be. That’s what I told her - first, that I’m not a cop, I don’t have cuffs, I have no interest in taking her if she’s of sound mind and doesn’t want to go. Then, second, that I’m no doctor, and no therapist, and that I want her to have resources if she needs them.

We talked more, and did more vitals, and she decided she wanted to come to a mental health facility. We explained every step of the process to her, and what she could expect, and what to bring.

Do I wish I was an actual therapist who could help this girl right away? Yeah. Do I wish I had the ability to make mental health policy that provides good, effective, supportive therapy to all human beings who need it? Yeah. Do I wish I could do better for her than an ER with psych specialists? Where she could easily get lost in the cracks or simply never connect with what she truly needs? Yeah.

I can only take her to a place where people are at least trained to assess her and offer her further resources. I can only hope they actually can help, and do so.

I had another call where we did a bit of *psychological first aid* not long after that. A dramatic scene! A young woman fainted at work at a store, and several people were surrounding her and holding her at the scene! Folks were holding her hands and crying.

It looked wild at first glance, but our patient was completely ok - we got her out, had medics assess her completely, and brought her to the ER while assuring her parents that things looked ok. Her mother was extremely upset, and we had a bit of a language barrier, but we were able to assure her and let her know things looked ok, that her child had very promising vitals and EKG readings, and we just needed the ER visit to make sure.

The medics helping us out were INCREDIBLE. They offered a full walkthrough for us of what was going on physiologically with her and gave a very helpful tip on scenes like that - give bystanders little jobs (just simple stuff, like holding the door, or looking for something like a towel) to do! It helps (caring, kind, just want to help) folks feel helpful when they get scared, especially in dramatic-looking situations.

A lot of drama today. A lot of learning. I felt really good about taking charge with my psych patient and helping her to feel safe and able to make her own decision. Im glad we were able to help our young fainting patient. And as much as it’s heavy, I’m glad I was at least on scene today for our first call. I know I can do nothing but confirm obvious death, but, I take some heart in the kind bystander who called for him (the gentleman who feeds cats nearby).

At least someone cared enough to try.

I’m forever grateful for my partners, for the folks who have taken the time to teach me (back when I was VERY green and still, to this day, as I am learning every single shift), and for the patients who trust me to do my best for them. 

I noticed today, this month marks five years of doing this, with my volunteer corps. I can only hope I learn more and become a more effective EMT as I go.

[first-and-last-neocount]

Whumptober Day 6

While still falling under the definition of whump, I intentionally aimed for something a little less soul-crushing this time, since I figured I would be evoking some Feels with that last one. XD 

This one isn’t directly tied to anything else, and it shouldn’t be so heart-wrenching; it’s just me projecting pandemic feels all over poor Damien, because I’m an introvert who isn’t physically affectionate with more than a handful of my closest friends anyway, but even I really felt it when we all had to go months on end without touching another human being. Not fun, dude. 

Day 6 - Theme Chosen: Touch starved

Theoretically, it should never have happened. With the way their journey had gone so far, when he thought about it, Damien was almost surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

Trapped aboard the God's Glory for months on end, isolated from the crew by their enduring wariness of the Hunter and his companions, unable to hasten their progress and weighed down by the growing fear of what would be waiting for them when they made landfall again, Damien was slowly driving himself insane. With every day that passed, the knot of frustration and dread pulled tighter in his gut. His temper shortened in response, and by now he had grown so tense and snappish that he couldn't even blame the crew's avoidance of him entirely on Tarrant; he knew he wasn't exactly great company anymore.

The death of the girl from the Eastern Continent had only worsened his already foul mood. The toxic mixture of guilt, resentment, and panic that had filled him upon realizing what her death meant – that he himself would have to go back to feeding his dark companion, at least until they made landfall in Faraday – still lingered, even though it had been two days since Sisa's suicide. He'd been given those two days as a grace period, time to mentally prepare himself as best he could, but the Hunter had given him clear warning; tonight, the nightmares would start again.

All of this meant that, when Damien laid down in his bunk that night, he was wound tighter than a springbolt at full draw. He had fully expected the turmoil in his mind to keep him up for hours, but with the forced inactivity of being at sea came a paradoxical lethargy, and he wasn't alone with his circling thoughts for more than an hour or so before he gradually sank into an uneasy slumber.

The dreams came almost at once.

Vivid as all the Hunter's carefully-woven nightmares were, Damien could feel the awful wrenching shudder that went through the ship as the hull ground onto the unforgiving rocks, hear the shattering of wood and the screech of metal as they collided with the outcropping of black stone that had been masked by the thick fog lying over the turbulent waves. Terror ran like acid through his veins as the deck tilted under his feet, the ship listing badly as water flooded through the gaping hole in the bow; he grasped the rail to keep himself upright, the screams of the crew ringing in his ears – but as he stared down into the churning black ocean, something sparked in the back of his mind.

The dark waves. Drowning. A girl.

Sisa.

His awareness that it was a dream blended with the hot spike of rage at the thought of another innocent life lost to the Hunter's insatiable hunger, and the scene around him shattered like glass. The deck was level again, the ocean calm; the stars glimmered down from a cloudless night sky, the ship deathly quiet and seemingly deserted around him.

You're resistant tonight.

The Hunter's voice slithered through his mind, soft and thoughtful, edged with hunger – and reality bent around him once more.

The village of the Terata. The hideous corruption that had lurked beneath its veneer of normalcy. The acid sting of desperation in the air as the villagers made their supplication to their sadistic god. The illusion of childhood's innocence, and the terrible reality that it hid -

But the sight of the children made Damien's thoughts turn to Jenseny, and the grief that rose up and choked him was so strong that it nearly brought him awake, a cry of pain catching in his throat as the image of the village dissolved around him. Tarrant's will wrapped around him and pulled him back under, an almost soothing tenor to the thread of fae that stroked his mind.

Too raw, still. Perhaps...

Another shift, then another. Scenes of terror from Damien's memories, or half-formed fears of the future, woven into shape by Tarrant's power. Every vista that presented itself, though, Damien fought against; though his awareness of what was happening was subsumed at the beginning of each dream, his mind rebelled continuously, breaking through to lucidity each time and shredding the delicate fabric of the nightmare in the process. As one dreamscape dissolved and reformed into another, there was a moment where Damien surfaced enough to actually feel a bit guilty; he'd agreed to this deal after all, once in the rakhlands and again after Sisa had killed herself, and he didn't even know why his mind refused to settle enough to be fully immersed in any of the scenarios Tarrant was weaving.

That moment stretched as he lingered in unformed darkness, as though the Hunter had hesitated. Finally, new scenery shimmered into being. Still caught in that state of half-awareness, Damien watched the dream come to life around him, willing himself to just let go and fall into it -

The chamber that formed around him was the throne room of the Undying Prince's citadel.

Nothing else had taken shape yet. There was no time for it. Before any figures could form, before a single sound had echoed through the room, Damien's mind spun out of control. The terror he'd felt, realizing that he was once again powerless before a mortal tyrant with the power of a sadistic demon backing them; the utter grief that had devastated him when he realized that Jenseny was gone; the gutting betrayal of believing that the Hunter had betrayed them; the sheer blinding fear, realizing that Tarrant had still been an ally after all, and that he might pay for that with his life before Damien could reach him -

Damien snapped awake violently, breathing so hard that his chest ached and the room spun violently around him, nausea thick in his throat and his skin drenched in ice-cold sweat. He sat bolt upright in his bunk, clenching fistfuls of his sheets with shaking hands as he stared blindly at the wall of his cabin, adrenaline still coursing through his veins.

Before he had even coaxed his breathing back to something resembling a normal rate, there was a firm but quiet knock at his door.

Damien let his head fall forward, biting out a soft curse under his breath. It didn't take much luck to guess who would be knocking at his door at this hour – he was fairly sure he hadn't actually cried out aloud when he'd catapulted himself back into wakefulness, which meant there was only one other person likely to even be awake right now.

“Come in,” he said hoarsely.

The door opened, then clicked shut again. Damien didn't look up, his gaze still fixed on the crumpled bedclothes he was gripping with white knuckles, but he didn't need to visually confirm the identity of his visitor; he could feel the shift in the air, that insidious chill that the Hunter wore like a shroud. Swallowing back the bile that still roiled in his throat, Damien beat back his pride enough to offer a quiet apology.

“Sorry. I didn't do that on purpose. I don't know why I couldn't just...”

“I could hazard a guess.”

Startled, Damien finally looked up. Tarrant had stopped only a couple feet away, and was leaning against the cabin wall with his arms folded across his chest, regarding Damien thoughtfully. Despite the lack of hostility, the Knight still shivered a little under the scrutiny of those cold silver eyes. Cocking an eyebrow questioningly, he stared back at the adept.

“Alright, then. Let's hear it.”

Of course, the Hunter couldn't simply state his theory. He studied Damien a moment longer, then murmured, “You haven't been sleeping well, have you? Even before tonight.”

Damien frowned at him. “Not particularly, no. Why?”

“You're unable to settle yourself. You've been sleeping poorly, your mind is in turmoil, and don't think I haven't noticed your shortness with the crew – or forgotten your outburst the other day.” Damien winced a little at the reminder of how he'd blown up at the Hunter immediately after Sisa's suicide, but there was no judgement in the adept's tone or expression, only contemplation. “You don't have any close connections to most of those aboard, and if you'll forgive me the observation, you don't have an... intimate companion, this time around.”

Damien was drawing a breath to snap at the Hunter that he didn't see how, exactly, his relationship with Raysa was any of the adept's damn business – when it abruptly clicked in his head, and he deflated, staring at the adept.

“You're blaming touch starvation.” The words came out flat, more statement than question but tinged with disbelief. When Tarrant inclined his head slightly, Damien huffed out a humourless chuckle. “You can't be serious.”

“Why not?” Tarrant asked coolly, his gaze still locked on Damien, piercing and assessing. “It's a scientifically documented phenomenon. We've been at sea for months, and I doubt you've had more contact than accidentally brushing arms with one of the crew since we set sail. The common symptoms are irritability, anxiety, and depression. It strikes me as an entirely likely explanation.”

“Fine, then what the hell do you suggest I do about it?” Damien snapped, hating himself as he did so, because his fuse had never been so short and by the look on Tarrant's face he knew it too. “In case you failed to notice or give a damn, Rasya's dead, and I don't exactly have a long lineup of friends at hand to hug it out with. I guess you're just going to have to work a bit harder for your dinner.”

Tarrant's face had gone utterly blank for a moment at the mention of Rasya's name, and for a split second Damien wondered almost hysterically if he actually had forgotten – but the horrified thought was cut off when the adept said, in a tone as bland as one might use to discuss the weather, “There's another option.”

Damien stared at him for a moment. Tarrant gazed back, unruffled. Finally, the Knight said slowly, “Now I know you're definitely just messing with my head. You're not suggesting what it sounds like you're suggesting.”

“No need to look quite so scandalized, Vryce, I'm hardly propositioning you,” Tarrant said dryly, his tone infuriatingly amused. “You're correct, however, that skin contact is the only cure and your options in that department are limited. If you'd like, I certainly could continue mentally assaulting you for sustenance – you were undeniably producing enough terror and distress earlier, though I suspect you'll find that sort of feeding even more exhausting that the usual method, and I'll have to draw from you more frequently to compensate for the additional effort I'm expending.” He watched Damien pale, then quirked one fair eyebrow up, mouth twisting into a rare, wry grin. “Or, you could budge over a few inches.”

Damien hesitated for a moment longer; then, he groaned and shuffled himself sideways, pressing closer to the wall and leaving the outer edge of the bunk free.

“I hate you,” he announced flatly, watching the adept prowl gracefully across the small cabin toward him.

“Your feelings have been noted, Reverend.” In a few smooth movements Tarrant had kicked off his boots, slid his long frame elegantly onto the bunk, and reached out; caught completely off guard by the manhandling, Damien let himself be tugged almost effortlessly down and arranged to the Hunter's liking. He found himself facing the wall, a lean form pressed close against his back and one of the adept's arms a cool weight draped across his side. “Now get some sleep.”

A thousand replies crowded to the front of Damien's mind, but sheer confusion stayed his tongue from a sharp retort. As the initial shock faded, he realized how incredibly comfortable he actually was. He had certainly missed the weight of another body in bed with him over the last months; he had rarely slept alone since reaching adulthood, since he had almost continuously been in a relationship of one degree of seriousness or another and had always been the type to stay the night. He usually slept by himself only when he was travelling, and that had never been for as long a stretch of time as this voyage. Finding himself as the proverbial little spoon was considerably more novel, Damien's senses jangling a bit at the strangeness of being the one held instead of the one holding another – but as his instincts accepted that he was not in fact in any danger and relaxed, he found himself almost unwilling comforted. He could feel the Hunter breathing steadily against his back, and the deceptively human sensation unwound tension in his shoulders that Damien hadn't even known he had been carrying. Even though the adept's body was considerably cooler than a mortal human's would have been, he was still there, and Damien could feel his own skin tingling with a kind of sensory euphoria everywhere that the Hunter's weight rested against him.

Maybe there was something to the touch starvation theory after all, as much as it pained him to admit it.

The window to reply to the Hunter's comment slipped away, and Damien said nothing, just shifted and settled his head a little more comfortably onto the pillow. Tarrant's arm tightened a bit further around his waist, an undeniably grounding pressure, and Damien sighed without meaning to as a tiny panicked voice that had been babbling in the back of his mind for weeks went abruptly, blissfully quiet. He was far from ready to say that this had been a good idea, but he supposed it wouldn't hurt to stay this way for a few minutes, let Tarrant think that he'd at least given it a fair shot before he kicked the adept the hell out of his bunk...

Between one breath and the next, Damien fell asleep.

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Welcome to the Space Show

Picture the following scenario: you stumble across a show or movie you’ve never heard of. You have no idea what it’s about, but it looks interesting, so you go in with no expectations and hope you’re in for a decent time. As you watch it, it wins you over more and more, hitting all the right notes at all the right moments, accomplishing cinematic feats you’ve never really seen anywhere before. Eventually, things get so damn good that you’re convinced you stumbled across an unappreciated masterpiece. “Why doesn’t anybody talk about this anymore?” you wonder. “This should be a cult classic on everyone’s lips!” And then you cross into the final stretch, and suddenly, things take a turn for the worse. Not disastrously so, but enough to viciously yank you out of the blissful trance you were just in. By the time it’s over, you no longer wonder why this piece of media wasn’t popular enough to linger in the public consciousness. And while you still had a fantastic time with it, you’re also left with the bitter disappointment of knowing it was almost something truly special. That is the experience I just had with Welcome to the Space Show, an anime film from 2010 that comes so agonizingly close to being amazing, but stumbles into just being really damn good instead.

The story begins on earth, following a group of five elementary school kids in a rural Japanese village as they head out for a self-run summer camp. Natsuki is a rambunctious sixth grader with dreams of being a hero, Amane’s her younger cousin who’s still mad at her for losing their pet rabbit, Kouji dreams of being a space scientist one day, Kiyoshi’s the sensible older one who acts as their teacher/counselor, and Noriko’s just happy to be included. Together they make quite the rambunctious friend group, but their summer antics take a turn for the weird when they find a talking dog injured in the woods. Turns out he’s actually an alien named Pochi, and as thanks for saving his life, he offers to take them on a trip to space to see all the crazy shenanigans going on just outside Earth’s gaze. Pretty soon, the kids are on a fantastical adventure through alien planets, galactic cities, and all sorts of wild and imaginative setpieces that director Kouki Masunari probably had bouncing around in his head for a while. Meanwhile, the mysterious bad guys who injured Pochi in the first place are still hot on his trail, and it won’t be long before the kids get wrapped up in a much bigger story than a simple sightseeing tour.

It’s a pretty simple setup for a family-friendly sci-fi flick, and you won’t find too much creativity in the story beats to come. What you will find, though, is one of the most gorgeous, entertaining kids’ adventure movies this side of Studio Ghibli. From start to finish, Welcome to the Space show bombards you with imagery the likes of which you’ve never seen before. Giant space stations the size of the moon, living interplanetary bullet trains reminiscent of My Neighbor Totoro’s Catbus on acid, alien designs ranging from adorable to insane, nebulas and supernovas and antimatter fields, and enough surreal art-deco/freeform aesthetics to put Masaaki Yuasa himself to shame. And all of it’s brought to life with consistently jaw-dropping animation, bowling you over with overwhelming awe and wonder on a near-constant basis. Nor does it skimp on the subtler character details either; the way these kids emote and dance through this off-the-rails vision of interstellar civilization grounds all the wild imagination in a real sense of tangible believability. This is one of the best-looking anime A-1 pictures has ever produced, even a decade later. I could spend ages poring through every frame in this movie and never run out of moments of visual spectacle to take my breath away.

But it’s the cast that really brings this whole movie together. While the kids are all fairly simple as characters, their interactions with the world and each other take Welcome to the Space Show to a whole new level. It’s so much damn fun watching them work their way through this world, bouncing off each other, marveling at each new setpiece with the same childlike wonder you’re likely feeling yourself. And when it comes time for the dramatic stuff to kick in, it fucking nails it. Natsuki and Amane’s family bond forms the emotional core of this movie, and watching them both struggle to reconnect with each other without knowing how makes for some of the most beautiful stuff in the entire film. Somehow, amid all the crazy visuals and stunning imagery, this simple story of family and friendship in the face of hardship ends up outshining its all. There’s an all-is-lost moment at the end of the second act that ripped my heart out of my chest and left me outright sobbing in my seat. I never expected this movie to hit this hard when I started it, but god damn if it didn’t get its claws into me. And by the time it started heading into the climax, I was fully prepared to call Welcome to the Space Show an outright masterpiece.

So what went wrong? Well, sadly, this movie’s final act is done in by one serious flaw: the plot. Once the movie has to become about the bad guys and their master plan, the story gets completely lost. It introduces big, overcomplicated concepts without adequate buildup, it rushes character relationships that haven’t had time to develop, and it starts throwing so many confusing Proper Nouns at you all at once that I lost track of what was even going on. I still don’t understand the bad guys’ big plan, or how they were trying to accomplish it, or even what their overall ideology was. The final battle tries to set up these big themes involving eugenics and scientific morality and evolution, but it all just boils down to characters yelling random, disconnected philosophy at each other while blasting lasers at each other, and it’s just impossible to follow. There’s still fantastic character moments and stunning animation throughout the big climax, but the more it becomes about that incomprehensible plot, the harder it is to stay invested in what’s going on. It transforms from a truly wonderful adventure flick into a rushed, half-baked storytelling soup that’s crushed under the weight of its own ambition. The fact it actually ends really strong is nothing short of a miracle after how badly this final act drove it off the rails.

And that sucks, because I really wanted to love this movie with all my heart. In a lot of ways, I do! Its best parts are more than worthy of standing beside the best of Miyazaki, Hosoda, Shinkai, and any other legendary director you can namedrop. But that final act really drags it down right when it seemed poise to cement its status as one of the all-time greats. I still highly recommend it, as its strengths are more than enough to make up for its stumbles, and you’re almost guaranteed to have a wonderful time with it. Welcome to the Space Show is a really, really good movie. It’s just not a masterpiece, and the frustration knowing of how close it came to being one is going to stick with me for a long time to come. Thus, I give it a score of:

7.5/10

And with that, I think I’ve exhausted my entire anime DVD collection. Took me long enough, huh? See you next time!