#the video was taken for the vet in case i needed it by the way

[kedreeva]

So, about a week ago we had a pretty bad (LOUD and COLD) wind storm, and one of the 2024 babies hit her head on the roof of the coop when she spooked. I was anxious about the storm and so I checked the coop cameras before bed, just to make sure everyone made it up to the roosts and was doing ok with all the racket. I saw her on the ground and went out to see if I could get her up to snuggle with her family.

When I got out there, I found her braced on the ground with a bloody face, dazed and confused and mostly blind. I picked her up and carried her inside to see if she would survive the night.

She did, but it was rough. She could barely see, she couldn't stand up without falling over, she was clearly in pain. I weighed the risks, and decided giving her an anti-inflammatory painkiller was worth it. I tube fed her because she couldn't see to eat.

Toward the end of the first day, she could wobble to her feet, but she couldn't stay there without support. I tested her balance with a gentle nudge, and it wasn't great, but it was better than the first night or the morning. Warning for the video, because it's hard to watch.

Anyway, she remained in the house for a few more days, until her sight began to return better and she started showing signs of distress at being caged or approached. She still wasn't eating on her own, but she was calling/crying for her family and was liable to harm herself worse when feeding time came because she thought she could get through the wire cage. So she went back outside while the weather was nice. She's able to follow her moms and sister around, sleep with them on the perch, etc, even though she's not feeding herself again quite yet.

Which means that 2x a day, I make a mushy goop of bird food (soaked chow, vitamin drizzle, raw quail egg, and water) and I bring her in to tube it directly into her crop. She doesn't particularly fight me on it, which is both nice and not great.

But importantly, I always make a little too much (better than a little too little), so Bug gets to thieve the extra as a snack, and she is so excited about the watery gruel.

Anyway, keep the little hen in your thoughts. If I can get her to eat on her own again, I will probably look for someplace to give her a pet-only home that understands she's a lil brain damaged.

[falesten-iw]

When I first joined Tumblr, I had no idea what I was walking into. There’s no manual for navigating this wild, untamed corner of the internet. My first moment here? I was greeted by an image completely naked, no warning, no explanation. It was just there, bold and unapologetic. That’s when I realized: Tumblr is a place where anything can happen.

But for all its chaos, Tumblr has become something far greater than I ever expected. For us Palestinians, this platform isn’t just a space to scroll through memes or vent about life. It’s a lifeline, a place where we’ve taken the raw, messy energy of this site and turned it into a battleground for survival. Here, we tell our stories, raise funds, and fight for our lives.

I’ve seen campaigns soar past their goals, bringing hope to families barely holding on. But I’ve also seen campaigns like mine, ones that fight tooth and nail for every single dollar, every reblog, every addition, and every ounce of hope. My family’s lives depend on this.

It hasn’t been easy. Zionists flood all Palestinian words with hate, twisting truths and spreading lies. They aim to discredit us, to make people doubt us. It’s exhausting. Some nights, I sit with my phone in my hands, wondering if this fight is too big for me. But then something beautiful happens: a donation comes through, a kind message appears, or someone I’ve never met reblogs my story with words that feel like a warm embrace.

And through it all, people are starting to see the truth. The hate doesn’t drown us; it sharpens our voices. Every day, more people step forward to stand with us, to say, “I see you, I hear you, and I’m with you.” It’s those moments that keep me going.

To everyone who has already helped, whether through verification, donating, wrting post , reblogging, or simply sharing a kind word: thank you. You’ve done more for my family than I could ever put into words. But the reality is, we’re not there yet. My family is still waiting for a chance to breathe, to live without fear, to fill their empty stomachs with warm food, and to wrap themselves in clothes thick enough to keep out the bitter cold. They’re hungry, they’re freezing, and I can’t do this alone.

This fight is hard, but it’s not hopeless. Strangers have become friends, and friends have become family. Some of you have shown up in ways I never imagined, treating my family’s survival as if it were your own. That kind of solidarity? It’s powerful.

Tumblr might be chaotic, unpredictable, and sometimes downright bizarre, but it’s also the place where we’ve built something extraordinary: a community that refuses to look away from injustice. With your help, we can take this fight all the way. My family’s lives are within reach, and together, I know we’ll get there.

This campaign isn’t just about me. It supports 26 people, including two orphaned children and an injured family member suffering from hemiplegia after being hit by shrapnel during a bombing. Surgery is desperately needed to replace the infected and failing plates. The needs are urgent, and the future of 26 lives depends on your support.

The video showing the injured family member is shared before in this post: Link.

Please help us ! Donate and reblog this post to spread our story.

Vetted and shared by @90-ghost: Link.

Verified and shared by @el-shab-hussein: Link

Listed as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link

Listed on the Butterfly Effect Project, number 957: Link

Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link

If, for some reason, you couldn't donate via GoFundMe, you can donate via PayPal instead. Please keep the conversion rates in mind when donating through GoFundMe. Every 100 SEK is equivalent to 10 dollars, and 200 SEK equals 20 dollars and so on.

Note: There’s even a raffle for a handmade Palestinian thob if you want to participate : Link

@timetravellingkitty @deathlonging @briarhips @mazzikah @mahoushojoe

@sar-soor @rhubarbspring @pcktknife @thatdiabolicalfeminist @turtletoria

@sawasawako @feluka @appsa @anneemay @commissions4aid-international

@wellwaterhysteria @mangocheesecakes @kyra45-helping-others @7bitter @tortiefrancis

@watermotif @stuckinapril @mavigator @lacecap @determinate-negation

@socalgal @chilewithcarnage @ghelgheli @sayruq @elbiotipo

@el-shab-hussein @heritageposts @communistkenobi @deepspaceboytoy @molsno

@mesetacadre @forevergulag @gazafunds @northgazaupdates2 @freepalestinneee

@komsomolka @muppet-sex @nabulsi @fading-event-608 @buttercuparry

@prierepaiienne @interact-if @unified-multiversal-theory @inkstay

@socialjusticekitten-blog @socialgoodmoms @nowthisnews @socialgoofy @fightforhumanity-rpg-blog

@fightforhumanity-rp @queerandpresentdanger @90-ghost @timogsilangan @punkitt-is-here

@fox-guardian @hiveswap @valtsv @helppeople @ibtisams

@annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @vakarians-babe @plomegranate @queerstudiesnatural @tamamita

@apollos-boyfriend @akajustmerry @marnosc @flower-tea-fairies @tsaricides

@belleandsaintsebastian @ear-motif @brutaliakent @raelyn-dreams @troythecatfish

@4ft10tvlandfangirl @communistchilchuck @fairuz @sarazucker @fairuzfan

@a-nautilus-as-pixel-art @13eyond13 @stil-lindigo @baby-indie-blog

@marnota @vivisection-gf @brutaliakhoa @the-bastard-king @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness

@neptunerings @malcriada @turian @girlinafairytale @abnormalicacid

@sylvianritual @mothblossoms @autisticmudkip @lesbianmaxevans

@nabulsi27 @palestinegenocide @orblesbian @palebluebutler @pallasisme

@riding-with-the-wild-hunt @baby-girl-aaron-dessner @morallyrainyday @jame7t @el-shab-hussein

@jonpertwee @flipton @bell-bones @ragingbullmode @envytherose

@rodent178 @tangledinourstrings @kraigerzz-blog @frogbrainedfool @the-ending-of-dramamine

@redsavesquare @uninvited-eon @glenbot @ultimateumbreon33 @pitbolshevik

@disastersim @airsigh @cowboy-queer @lapastelr0sa @sharingresourcesforpalestine

@rebel-girl-queen-of-my-world @kropotkindersurprise @cruzwalters @la7ma-mafrooma @rosyish

@bookskittychad @streakoflavender @miraclemaya @devilofthepit @paper-mario-wiki

@gay-yosuke @cometcrystal @nb-marceline @cicadaland @charlott2n

@manletwizard @2blushie @antiauteur @acnologia-is-best-dragon @bitchmael

@penelopiaad @hashiramashonkers @laughtracklesbian @legallymean @b0nkcreat

@crapscicle @uwu-pinata @syntheticspades @momxijinping @longlivepalestina

@saberboi-1 @martinmynster @nako-funky @trans-leek-cookie @vaticinatrix

@moomoobug @narwa @twilightobservationtower @estrellasrojas @knxfesck

@lakeeffectbitch @fatbitchneedsfoodbadly @no-thats-absurd @humanmorph

@sandiwchirlinreal @tcda @misspiggyforvogueitalia @gamb0fficial @vincentspork

@gemstonedraws @frankendykes-monster @mizoguchi @kos-mos @ryoki-ph

@blackwoolncrown @nightwussy @freehologramreview @melancholy-hummingborb

@sister-lucifer @nonbinarymerbabe @raventhecoolestpersonever @ebenrosetaylor @wellwaterhysteria

@inkbomber @collectoroflovelythings @k00ldino @sundung @extrabitterbrain

@names-hard @killaltrock @thatdarngreenpixie-blog @angelsarecomputers @to00fu

@secretgoths @cauli-flawa @faraliniste @adrowninggrip @thesavagesnakeplant

@g-l-a-s-s-h-e-a-r-t-s-s @illuminated-runas @silverstone-gp @saintverse @whalefill

@emathyst9 @trasno-personal @turtles-on-turts @dendrosystem

@readingsquotes @bellybuttonblue2 @bees-fart-too @andiv3r-reblogging @sillyseer

@cloudedcari @tachycardial @evileyeamulet @pompompotato @shamemp3

@jihaad @italofobia @stealthjet @pinnyy @sivavakkiyar

@chronicowboy @bi-worm @ydic74the @amorosebeing @golvio

@dailyquests @punkitt-is-here @opencommunion @postanagramgenerator @a-scary-lack-of-common-sense

@paper-mario-wiki @prisonhannibal @a-shade-of-blue @ramshackledtrickster @punkitt-is-here

[microwave-kid]

As you may or may not have encountered, over the past 6 months YouTube has been attempting to implement an adblock detector on the platform. Initially it was a popup that would appear irregularly before a video, which you could close and it wouldn't appear again for a day. Afterwards they added a timer so you couldn't close the popup instantly and made it so it appears before every video. Now, they've added a playback limit of 3 video before the video player is disabled. In addition, they've gradually changed the wording of the popups to further and further imply that adblock violates YouTube's TOS, most likely to instill paranoia that continuing to circumvent the screen will result in a ban.

Here's a very well informed video about why this is stupid and borderline criminal. I would probably be better off not trying to summarize the moral, ethical, or financial reasons not to support this, so instead here's all the legal reasons:

Here is a statement by the FBI on a .gov website about the necessity of using adblock on the internet.

Here are three legal cases (1) (2) (3) taken from the previously linked video setting legal precedent that denying service to users with adblock is not enforceable. (Unfortunately, a Lexis+ account is needed to read them in their entirety.)

Here is an article from 2014 about officially vetted YouTube ads serving malware, including drive-by downloads.

Services like uBlock Origin are being updated to circumvent the detectors. If you have uBlock installed and are still getting this screen, disable any additional adblockers you have on YouTube (including the one built into Firefox), go to uBlock's settings, click "Purge all caches" and then click the blue "Update now" button. You may also need to remove any element picker scripts you have on YouTube and restart your browser.

Under no circumstances should you purchase YouTube Premium in response to this, as on a commercial level Google doesn't have the right to enforce this, and increasing their revenue will just make them double down on this practice. Find other ways to support your creators.

[weirderscience]

fedi sites that i recc you go to because they're in my bubble and im hesitant to recc any without vetting them first. if youre interested in fedi, take a look at an instances about page(s) and rules before you choose to make an account there

(don't know what fedi is? watch this video!)

sharkey instances

lethallava.land - gaming, tech, shitposting | sister of wetdry blahaj.zone - general lgbt

mastodon instances

tech.lgbt - queer friendly, tech focused wetdry.world - gaming, tech, shitposting | sister of lethallava, runs on glitchsoc fork called chuckya. limited signup that needs mod approval

wafrn

app.wafrn.net - potential tumblr clone, in alpha, works best on web mobile. pretty active but limited features as of time im writing this. limited signup that needs mod approval

akkoma instances

void.lgbt - lgbt general, good moderation procedures, allows tagged nsfw akko.wetdry.world - gaming, tech, shitposting | akkoma frontend for wetdry.world, limited signup that needs mod approval seafoam.space - general

generally i would avoid any instance that says outright that its fandom focused or anti-censorship as they tend to federate with unsavory corners of the internet. be wary!

more info below on fedi stuff you should be aware of

bc of the nature of fediverse it's up to admins to choose if an instance is defederated with (blocked by) theirs- theres no way to get bad parts of the fediverse "taken down" unless they host illegal content in their host country (and even then cybercrime divisions are usually only focused on seizing specific types of illegal sites). so with that in mind a good admin/mod team will defederate a lot of instances for you, and you can usually find out which instances are defederated on an instances about page.

also because of the nature of fediverse you can always move your account to another instance. if you feel you want to move to another instance for whatever reason youre within your right. some people will register with multiple instances just in case something goes awry with their main, or for diff types of posting- ie like sideblogs on tumblr. its normal and a sign you know how things work there imo

and if youre particularly crafty, or just know more about web stuff than the average person, you are totally able to set up whichever type of instance you want if you have a domain for it

[localcatbehaviourguy]

Pinned Post

My name is Aaron, I'm a lifelong cat owner with animal behaviourism training (focused mostly on cat behaviourism) and some real-world experience helping cats and their owners figure out how to interact with each other. I've studied all kinds of behavioural issues and have diagnosed and treated quite a few in the field, though I am still relatively new at this. I also know quite a bit about dog welfare and some about dog behaviour, though not as much as cats, and I've studied on my own to learn a few things about exotics, though I'm not qualified to diagnose or treat those in any setting, even professional.

Disclaimer- I cannot, will not, and should not ever attempt to diagnose your cat here. Diagnosis requires actual real-life interactions with you, your cat, and your cat's environment, which includes any other animals or other family members, and many of the tests I run cannot be satisfied through simple videos or pictures. The most any cat behaviourist can accurately do online is say "Well, in cases I've experienced in real life, cats with these symptoms/behaviour patterns usually responded best to treatment for (behavioural issue) and here are some of the things they seemed to benefit from me doing," but I'm not diagnosing your cat. There's too much I could get wrong and that could lead you to treating your cat for the wrong thing and making the existing issue worse. If you need a cat diagnosed, take them to an IRL behaviourist who can interact with them in person to provide the best and most accurate care possible.

I am not qualified to diagnose health issues with physical causes. Think of me as almost a cat psychologist- a psychologist can't diagnose you with a brain tumor. This is why a behaviourist's first question will usually be "have you taken them to the vet over this," because it's best to rule out any physical causes before trying to treat a cat for a behavioural issue that may have a cause that I'm not qualified to work with. Take the cat to the vet first. If they give the cat a clean bill of health, then you take them to a behaviourist. In what I do, the vet's word is law. Physical issues are their wheelhouse, behavioural issues are mine. If they diagnose a brain tumor or whatever, that's something I am, again, not at all qualified to treat, so I can't help.

I also cannot and will not address issues of your personal cat's quality of life. That is something that always, always, needs handled by a professional who can actually interact with your cat to give you the information you need to make an informed decision. A vet will give you the accurate information so that you can make your choice based on what a professional who had actually interacted with your cat has noticed. There's no way I can give you an accurate answer in good conscience and it's not ethical for me to pretend I can. All of this is decided by people who actually interact with your cat.

I am also not qualified to work with exotics, even more minor ones like Savannahs. They're an entirely different thing I haven't been trained for and have only encountered once, and encounter I had to step back from because I was not qualified to help that cat. Some behaviourists, usually the older/more experienced ones, are qualified to help exotics, but I'm not one of them and will not pretend that I am. Exotic animal, you need exotic treatments. I'm strictly domestic. Properly caring for exotics would required specialized training that I don't have.

Well, what can I do? I can explain domestic cat behaviour, correct husbandry concerns, explain the importance of certain cat-related issues (interactions with small animals, outdoors cats, etc,) talk FACTS (not behaviour in a video, just the facts) about exotic animals, and answer questions you may have about your cat (I will tell you if something needs to be taken to an IRL behaviourist should that bridge be crossed.) I can, based on a fixed set of criteria, see if a cat video has anything that I feel is cause for concern, but I'm taking more of a "this is how this is wrong and this is how you can fix it" approach, rather than an "is this cute" approach.

No other discourse allowed. None. Zero. You want to talk human discourse? Send it to my main. I refuse to discuss anything that isn't animal-related on my blog. A few things to note

I am a transgender man

I am pro-euthanasia because some animals just need to be humanely put down

I am anti-outdoor cat and do not believe TNR or attempting to adopt out feral cats is effective or ethical

I am pro-zoo, sanctuary, reserve, ambassador animal, and working animal

I believe that exotics are not and cannot be (with maybe two exceptions in all of history) pets. If an exotic can't be in the wild, it needs to be at a zoo, reserve, sanctuary, etc. Not in your house.

I do not believe unprotected contact with megafauna is ethical. Zoos and exotic vets have safety measures in place because they know that a wild animal is always a wild animal first, and megafauna can easily injure, maim, or kill a human even on accident. If someone is interacting with megafauna or apex predators unprotected, they're stupid. Yeah, I said it.

I am firmly and unshakeably of the belief that all interaction with a wild animal needs to be handled by a trained professional. Yes, even pests like raccoons and foxes. Do not try to interact with them, don't feed them, don't do anything other than admire them from afar. Do you want rabies? Because that's how you get rabies.

I am firmly against any actions that habituate a non-domesticated animal to humans, unless that exotic is being cared for at a zoo and habituation takes place to avoid stressing the animal and help safeguard against potential incidents on the rare occasion someone does have unprotected contact with an animal.

Basically, unless you are a trained professional who isn't a fool, don't interact with non-domesticated fauna. Ever. At all. Period.

I'm big on rabies. I've seen it before- I was even once called in to treat a cat who had rabies, thank the gods I recognized it- and it's MAJOR. You will see plenty about rabies.

Vaccinate your animals

Cats are obligate carnivores who cannot survive a vegan diet.

Do not ever put a non-herbivore animal on a vegan diet. It will kill them.

I eat meat and believe that there isn't anything wrong with it when it's ethically-sourced.

I am pro-hunting within reason, pro-culling in ethical ways, pro-fur farming when done ethically, and extremely anti plastic fur or leather

Do not try this at home unless instructed to do so by an IRL professional.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

My Second Pet Cat Had Surgery (Also My Thoughts About Alastor Situation)

[Note: Mature Audience Readers Only...also because this will get off topic from my talking about Alastor and what went on with my cat...I'm going to have this on "Mature" instead of "For Everyone" just in case...also reading this is optional. and even if the words in this might not be super dirty or super mature, but I'm still having this in Mature just in case...]

first I want to say, that I came so close to losing my second cat, who I was lucky was given to me when she was just a fluffy baby kitten...

and let me tell you this, she had never went to the vet before or been away from the house before that we currently live in...

and ever since after the surgery, she has been extra clingy and even resting on my chest or lap....

but also if she wasn't taken to the vet on time (which lucky it wasn't too late and she was taken on time...) or if those who were treated her made the wrong mistake and cause something really bad to happen to her...

my thoughts were, if I had the power to....

I would start Omnigeddon...

something like Armageddon, but it would involve freezing Hell or at least half of it over and basically going all Alessa Gillespie & Carrie White...even if it might not really happen, but my thoughts still went to the whole wanting to do a Omnigeddon if I lost my cat.

even though I am trying not to become like them, still love the movies of Silent Hill, and I do still hope there will be a third movie.

I still haven't worked up the nerve to watch the new versions of Carrie yet....I'll try to get to it at some point...

just like I should try to finally check my blood type to see if it will come out O RH D Negative for the third time...

I really need to stop procrastinating that whole triple checking to see if my blood type will come out the same for a third time...

it has also been a while since I checked to see if one of those modern radios will act weird on me again when I turn the switch on and move my fingers close to it and it either got all static sound, or what is playing goes off or on or something around good or poor frequency.

then again, like I said before....it does appear to only happen sometimes so it might not happen all that much.

I also want to say that even though it has been days and some weeks since my cat had the surgery, I decided to spend most of them on one of my game consoles while letting my sweet fluffy baby who is even more clingy since what happen...lay on me most of the time and well, there is still the situation where I need to eat something, but we do find a way to work around it.

but let me be perfectly clear, I still like Alastor, and I had found a video that talked about some unpleasant things...which I ain't gonna repeat but I was peeved off...but hopefully things will work out.

and like I pointed out before, I'm not like Other Earth Angels...

I know perfectly well I'm Defective, and the whole self-nickname "Eveningstar" mostly has to do with the funny story that had to do with my Mom when she was still pregnant with me...

that she NEVER got Morning sickness, she only got Evening sickness...

also let me point this out, that I may have before...

not all my Ancestors are white, and I know some of my ancestors come from different religions as well...

and while I use to go by Christian, and I haven't come out to my family about going by Neo-Spiritual, well unless some end up ruining it but hopefully that wont happen.

but yeah another thing I can't come out to my family about is that I am Aroaceflux, well that and Fictoromantic but they may not care much about that last one...

and yeah, before I figured out I'm Ace, I unknowingly been picking up certain toxic-lust energy, and it is part of the reason I wear my gem bracelets all the time....if I'm going to feel any form of "lust" or whatever, I rather it be of my own accord...

but it would appear that I can still be weak to those toxic energies when I sleep, I may or may have brought up the whole second close call when I was sleeping...which lucky some old man and some woman with long white hair and I think pale skin, kept me safe in that second close call dream, that was possibly still a dream-walking thing.

so yeah, even though I took the big dream-catcher down before, I decided to put it back up again after that second close call but instead have it hanging outside my door and pray to both God and Goddess that a type of protective around my room, like on the walls, door, windows and I think the floor...

the other stuff I use my bracelets for besides protecting me from the toxic-lust energy from others, well at first it wasn't just to protect me from the human ones...

I know the first reason I decided to wear a gem bracelet while I sleep, was because a Incubus scared me awake...

like I had explained before, I was on my back and it was like being between awake and asleep or maybe like self aware...

and it was dark and well, I didn't see the Incubus but I felt them touch me in a way I ain't gonna say....and well even if it was for a split moment or second, it was enough to scare me awake.

also my being Aroaceflux/Fictoromantic, is a separate matter from my being scared of being hurt in a certain way...

and I know I talked about the panic attack I had in 2015 in a car, where I was alone in the said car and I ended up hitting my head on the ceiling of it...

even if there can be some guys that could be trusted and who wouldn't do such a thing, but I rather have my first be something that could be like a emotional bond between the heart and soul, and not just the physical that some humans seem to put the whole physical part as more important, and despite what some may think...

there are some Aces who ain't Maidens anymore and have Significant Others, and some of their partners might respect their wishes if they do not wish to engage in the whole certain snu-snu at times.

I mean not everyone is the same, and not all Aces are the same.

of course even though I can still feel the whole emotional crushes, and as weird as it might be I can have a type of multi-crushes but they might not be the very big type at the moment.

but I haven't felt much of the other type of attraction for maybe a few months...but I can still feel a bit of the small crush feelings.

I mean I have crushes on Fizz and Ozzie from Helluva Boss, and those two are one of my OTPs.

and I started to call them Adorkable Sweet Potatoes.

another weird thing, besides my calling those two Adorkable Sweet Potatoes....is the new view I have the Robotic Fizzarollis.

is that since Fizzarolli aka Fizz and sometimes Fizzy, is the Robo-Fizzes Template and Ozzie basically makes them but apparently feels uncomfortable about it...

well I can't help but view Ozzie and Fizz being like the Robo-Fizzes own Dads...

well maybe I will talk about that in a post after this one...

I also want to point out that after watching and hearing what I found on a video that had to do with Alastor, I was shaking some, and I had to wait a bit for my shaking to cool off some before I finally signed on after some weeks.

I did do some drawings on Christmas, that one of them is a bit of a Crossover and well the other being my new fave OTP...

well technically even the Crossover drawing has a ship drawing in it, which I'm calling Mamtella.

I was thinking after seeing the video that talks about it, I should wait to post those drawings, because how I was feeling.

but maybe I will wait a while and see if I change my mind and might post those drawings on here later, like maybe a few hours from now.

I think I should at least try to keep calm and try not to let all my anger out because of what I had found out about...

and hopefully it can work out and Alastor will be safe.

I know that I also pointed out, there is a reason why I have my gem bracelets act as sealing charms and limiters...

because after the whole using a pendulum for the first time and learning a bit on how I can make it move with my mind, or like have it move by a type of asking "Yes" Or "No" ways, but I haven't been using it as much lately and I'm making sure to only use it once in a while.

but because of my using the pendulum, I think it may had ended up unlocking something...

which I found out when I held a pop bottle by it's lid and it started to move a bit like my pendulum, well a pop bottle and even a pen.

of course necklaces that has a gem on it or even a locket still moves in the same way like my pendulum, but I don't want to bother to try to fix that and it's okay.

also I had make sure the gem bracelets still work to limit it so it doesn't end up like that whole pop bottle moving like my pendulum thing, even when I have to take half of the gem bracelets off and even if I do, they should still work and still work even when I have to take all my gem bracelets off every once in a while...but the rest of the time, they are staying on.

I don't think I would be able to control powerful telekinesis or whatever else it could be called besides that, which is why as much as I love the movies the characters come from...

I want to try to not become like Alessa or Carrie.

even if I might be a bit paranoid about it, but better safe than sorry.

I still want to give the Lucifer that lives in our dimension or close to it, the whole cold hands to face punishment.

and no matter the multiverse in the fictional universes where he has his own counterparts, well him and the other 7 deadly sins plus the 8th...who might not really be evil and needs a hug, ice cream and emotional healing...it might be my being weird or paranoid or both, but I couldn't help but have the thought I suffer from the 8th one at times, well I had those two depressions and sometimes I do get my not so great feeling days...

but anyway like I was trying to say, no matter the multiverse, those Eon-Boomers ain't the boss of me...

but I'm okay, well I did get really peeved when trying to progress in a video game I was playing and I was getting really mad, I'm taking a break from playing it at the moment but I think some part of the game is broken, like one of the switches can't turn on even when ya point at it...the other two switches work just fine all but the one where Princess Quest 2 is....and yeah I'm talking about FNAF Security Breach...I got jump-scared by Deejay (DJ-Musicman) a few times when trying to go turn on the switches.

I had to leave that dance and arcade place, and go check out the other places in the Mega Pizzaplex and try to get those switches later.

also even though I was planing not to go down that path in the game, but watching the walkthrough of FNAF Ruin DLC, and playing or watching a walkthrough of the game where Gregory doesn't tell Freddy the whole truth about how he really got the upgrade...

it is pretty clear that Gregory in the canon ain't no angel...

we could view every fan's fanon version of Gregory as being the Good-Gregory, or like there being two of him.

and if a fan wants to, they can also have the canon Gregory show up in their fanon au works.

even if Freddy's friends were after him, but Roxy might end up even more after him after what happens in one of the endings in the Ruin DLC, and one of the reasons why Roxy will go after Gregory and not just for taking her eyes....it would be for revenge for someone he left for dead.

it could be possible that the elevator ending, could be the canon ending, even if there is the other endings, but it is possible that what happens in the elevator ending, is the true ending.

but we wont know unless it is proven in a future game, where we get to have a new playable character who could be looking for Cassie.

and anyway, Magic can take on different forms and not all of them will be the same...and my view on what I can do with a pendulum, and well using food salt on some gems could be a type of magic.

well I have been basically praying to both the Heavenly Father/God and Earthly Mother/Goddess on how I want the gems to work and function...

and yes like I pointed out before, I believe in a Goddess now too.

and even if I can still try to still believe Jesus still has some good in him, but because of some stuff that I had read before that involve him and some stuff that has been going on.

(if you wish to skip some of this and go back to reading a bit about my thoughts on Alastor, watch out for the bold words.)

I had started to try to pray for him, and I know not everyone has to agree about it or the theory I have that has to do with why he would possibly be involved in it....and if Archangel Samael is a part of that, I know it isn't possible for me to go all Feral Earth Angel on him...

but with how some of the Eon-Boomers work, their insensitive actions make me want to slap them...

and there is a reason why Mammon is on the wishful type list of those I wish to punch in the groin...

if it is true that humans were puppet into messing with that Covid-19 so recklessly without making sure even if working on a vaccine, to make sure it didn't get out into the world.

and well I do not approve of scapegoating humanity, just to make a point...

I still think I may still want to grab both the Antichrist and Jesus by their ears...if Heavenly Father & Earthly Mother gave me permission to, I would do so...

and well, what I want to say that I think the reason Jesus would end up doing certain actions that would be harmful and even put more harm to the fragile balance between the Masculine and Feminine energies....which would of been fixed a bit more properly ages and centuries ago, if it weren't for the fact Lucifer and the others had to do that little fight at the worse possible time...of all the times he could pick to do that rebellion thing, he had to choose that time.

but anyway, I can't really remember much about the info about it, and I maybe have to look it up, but I know it had to do with Jesus going to Heck when he died...

which my new theory about Hell, is that it wasn't always called Hell, and only became that way because of a really bad imbalance and it was once a part of Omni-Mom's (I'm weird and that is what I started to view Earthly Mother....) Earth Kingdom, or like some part of the Afterlife version of it, which might be Eden.

what became known as Hell, had been possibly quarantined and was possibly full of toxic and negative or something close to miasma.

and yeah not everyone has to agree about this theory and what I believe could be true, but I think if Jesus did certain bad stuff, it might have to do with him becoming infected by that really bad energy that was already there way before Lucifer and the other princes took it over, they may have fell and landed there, but it could be possible they didn't transform into forms that was less angelic looking, until they spend too much time in the toxic, negative miasma energy that was caused by some bad stuff that was going on.

and well it could be possible if it is true, Jesus could of not been aware that he became infected by something that had also infected Lucifer and the others, but there could be some who have a semi-immunity to it, like those who become infected a bit by it, something in their soul could end up fighting it off....like having antibodies.

also besides the whole finally letting it process that Jesus is also family, cause of the whole we are both related to King David.

but I'm going to still see it being a blessing to be a descendant of King Solomon, that still ain't a curse but a blessing.

plus I still think King David should of punished that sicko son of his...

I like being a purple blood better than being a blue blood, plus calling me a blue blood would be incorrect because not all my ancestors are royals.....

and yeah I'm still weird to figure out I'm technically a "Earth Angel Princess" and I have no idea how many there are.

also I had thought about either early this December or before it became December, about if Jesus did have a daughter, he wouldn't just be a Messiah to her, because to her, he would be her Dad first.

and for some weird reason I couldn't help but cry when thinking he may have put his work and duty above spending time with her...

like parents can be in the gray at times, and sometimes they might not know they are hurting the feelings of their own children.

well hopefully if he did have a daughter, he made sure to have some kind of balance and didn't make her feel not loved enough.

also to the topic of Alastor, his abilities could still be magic related and he can still have power over the radio waves.

one of the info about him, is that he is of a mixed race.

and well, he should still keep his heritage in both his human life and afterlife as a Overlord.

it might be interesting if it turn out that Alastor had certain abilities when he was still alive as a human on Earth.

don't know what his blood type is, but if it was like my blood type, when that would explain it, even if it would be a different type of RH Negative.

and yeah I get the whole some RH Negative types are suppose to be descendants of the Nephilim who are suppose to be the offspring of some Watcher Angels...

I wonder if I would have the permission to double flip the birdies to those Grandpas...?

not sure if Nephilim would be mention in Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss or not, but even if they do, what would be left of the original ones would still be their descendants.

I still like the idea of a crossover fan fic about Panty & Stocking with Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, which would be like a Fanon Crossover Timeline.

I want to try to do a crossover of that sometime...

I think if I did have a twin sister, I would be the Stocking while my twin sister would be Panty.

if a guy can't understand why I don't like being touched at times or I might not be ready certain stuff, and if I had to choose between the guy to go on a date with or sweets, video games and awesome shows and movies that I like.

it would still be the sweets, video games and shows as well as movies I like.....well those, and books, and some of those books being comics.

I would also be the weird introvert while my twin sister is the extrovert...

I think if I did have a older twin sister, she would use her big sister authority to make me out more even on days when I don't want to.

I would go all "hiss like a cat" mode on her and try to hide under my covers if I have to...I wouldn't be surprised if she grab me by my leg and pulls me out all while telling me to "stop acting like a weird cat."

of course I would be the weird twin, I was born weird and was probably still weird even in my past lives....which it might be a good thing not to fully remember some of them, like only getting bits and pieces but not full pictures.

and even if it does turn out that Phenex is like technically my "Dad" through some form of soul fragments merging together, even with the other soul parent being another Earth Angel...

his hope of returning to heaven might very well be hopeless, even if I do end up going, I still might want to find the edge of the clouds and try to go back to Earth, maybe to go live like a Nymph.

but if it looks too high up, I'm likely to freeze like a deer in the headlights.

and yeah, there is the whole if it does turn out that Phenex is technically my Dad (all while still sharing DNA with my human Dad in this present life.) I guess that would make me a type of Demi-Goetia.

I love the hybrids in Helluva Boss, and I'm still going to view Blitz's Mom as 1/2 Imp & 1/2 Succubus and even if canon proves otherwise, I can still view it in fanon even if it might not end up being canon.

I think later, I will watch Ah My Goddess, I think I can relate to one of the characters in it, which I mean Belldandy's older sister, Urd.

and maybe after I watch Ah My Goddess, I will watch Transformers.

I hope things do get better, and I hope the stuff that I had found out about Alastor, can get better....I had no idea that was even going on.

well, I have another reason to be Semi-Misanthrope.

and I seriously don't want to hear "oh, your just being that way because your white." or "oh, your just being a white supremacy"

I do NOT want to hear that...

and well, even if I have calm down and I'm not shaking like I was before, but it doesn't mean I'm still not happy about finding out what has been going on.

but hopefully it will calm down, and even if my whole using gems to protect myself might be strange to some...

but once again, my first time to use the gem bracelet to protect myself while I sleep, has to do with that Incubus...

didn't see them, but they still scared me awake.

my form of "magic" might be weird and strange, and yeah I don't think I have to use the food salt all the time other than for placing it on some food...

but I have been thinking about wanting to throw some of the food salt around the house because of certain reasons.

well, maybe I wont have to do that...

and well there is some stuff that I believe now, I can't really share fully with my family.

and there might always be the type of Toxic-Religious people who will misuse the words "may the lord have mercy on you" or "may god have mercy on you" if ya become open about starting to believe in the Omni-Mom as well...

and if someone cries and says that your hurting their feelings by throwing those words at them, a little advice...

please listen and stop misusing those words, cause that ain't freaking helping and it sure wasn't helping me when a toxic-religious jerk was throwing those misused words at me and no matter how it made me cry and was hurting my feelings, that jerk just kept throwing one of those words at me.

and there might always be some humans in this world, who don't know the whole facts and there can be really bad misinterpretation.

and if it is okay with those who do read this, I rather not go into the whole talk about the bad stuff I just found out about today that has to do with Alastor and hope things will work out.

I would express how mad I felt when I saw the video, but I want to try to keep calm and not give into that really REALLY mad side.

and to the topic of my cat, when I'm able to, I will say what it was that could of had me lose them if they weren't given help on time...

I can talk about what type of surgery it was that they needed, maybe in a future post...

and I wasn't joking about the Omnigeddon thing, my thoughts were that if I lost them, like if anything went wrong in the surgery or like if she wasn't help on time...if I had the power to, I would do a Omnigeddon...yeah might not really be possible but I'm weird and those were my thoughts when the stuff going on with my cat was going on...

and since I know it is possible not everyone will be interested in reading this post, even when it gets off topic...

which is why I gave the option, meaning no one had to read this if they don't want to, but for those who did read all that is written in this post and didn't skip some parts...

I hope you can understand why I would be not very happy about what I had found and my hope that things work out, as well as the other stuff that I talked about along with my fluffy baby who if I had the power to....I would do a Omnigeddon for, which lucky can't really happen.

if ya Bill Cipher involved, it would be Omni-Weirdgeddon.

also I don't want this to be reblog, so do NOT reblog this without my permission...so yeah anyway, I'm going to check out some fan art to make me a bit more happy and I will do another post in a hour or a few, and maybe I will post the drawings I drew on Christmas in those few hours...

PS:

even if I do go into more detail about the video I found out about today that has to do with Alastor, but I rather not talk about the deeper details and well, I know if I do try to, it is likely my words will be misinterpreted. and I want to try to avoid that...

I still love Alastor, and I'm still gonna hope things work out.

I also still love my fluffy baby and once again if I was able to, I would still do a Omnigeddon if they weren't taken to the vet on time.

[ask-a-vetblr]

Just a generic question I haven't found the answer to through searching: I had thought vaccines for puppies and kittens were administered 3 times, I learned that is actually every 2-3 weeks until the pet is a certain age. Why is this?

Hi, Sueanoi here.

Immunity response in the second exposure is much higher than the first exposure. This is our aim. We want the titer level to be high enough to fight off infection in case the animal gets a real one.

However, in a young animal that had taken their mother’s milk, they will also have maternal immunity that effectively destroy antigens. However, they do it in such a way they do not discriminate vaccine antigen from actual disease causing antigen. A vaccine that is administered at this stage where maternal immunity is active is often destroyed. Making the intended “first exposure” became null.

Can’t we just delay first exposure? The answer is... preferably no. This “Window of susceptibility” is very important, because a young animal is very vulnerable to deadly infections. If for some unholy bad luck, this animal gets infected at this short period of time where maternal immunity was declining, and vaccination immunity wasn’t high enough yet, then this animal can die from preventable disease.

We cannot know the true level of maternal immunity. Some animal don’t get to drink mother’s milk at all, they will benefit from early first exposure. But some animal will drank so much milk, that no matter what you do, the first exposure is always ineffective. So what can we do?

In a young animal, we start vaccination an assuming it is the first exposure. After 2 weeks, we vaccinate again and assume it is the second exposure. However, we safe guard that the assumption may not be true. So we vaccinate the animal again for the 3rd time after 2 weeks, so in case the second vaccination is actually First Exposure, this one will act as Second Exposure.

In an animal that had come to the vet’s at a later age. They obviously had survived the Window of Susceptibility. There is no need to compensate for maternal immunity. So the vaccination program only need 2 exposures.

For more information, Dr.Ferox had made a video about immunology and vaccine basics.

[acmetraitor]

the art of evasion

“You two did a lot together,” Hawkins says outside the coliseum in Rome, and that draws Jules out of her reminiscing, draws her away from the memory of Carmen’s victorious smirk when they finally slapped the cuffs on the boss of that smuggling operation. “What happened? I mean, why did she leave ACME?”

“...Maybe I’ll tell you sometime,” Jules manages to reply around the rising lump in her throat. “For now, let’s concentrate on tracking her down.”

It’s easier to dodge the question than to admit she has no idea.

~

Carmen was always a loose cannon, even back when she worked for ACME.

Once, on a stakeout in the dead of night, she and Jules trailed a suspect to a warehouse where the heads of a trafficking ring were temporarily hiding out. Carmen peeked inside to survey the situation while Jules called the Chief to send backup, but any teams were at least two hours away and the culprits were already in the process of clearing out.

“There’s no time,” Carmen concluded. “We have to catch these guys ourselves, now.”

“We can’t!” Jules hissed in protest. “There’s got to be at least ten of them in there!” 

“Fourteen,” Carmen said. “But we have these.” She pulled out two pairs of night-vision goggles from her bag and shoved one into Jules’s hands. Then she dashed for the circuit breaker before Jules could stop her.

Once the lights went out, it was too late to turn back, so Jules went along with her partner’s crazy plan as her heart hammered in her throat the whole way. In the end, with the cover of darkness as their aid, they successfully neutralized all the suspects, but Carmen got a bullet graze wound to her shoulder because one trigger-happy goon got lucky.

After everything was over, Jules punched her in that shoulder. Carmen laughed through the pain.

That’s just who Carmen was. She knew she could do anything, she was an unstoppable force, and nobody could ever hope to rein her in. Not even Jules. So whatever reasons Carmen had for leaving ACME, she made that choice on her own, and everyone who blamed Jules for her partner’s betrayal honestly gave her too much credit.

Nothing Jules did could have made Carmen leave.

(Nothing Jules did could have made Carmen stay.)

~

Hawkins thinks he can do anything. He almost reminds Jules of Carmen in that sense, except Carmen didn’t think she could do anything, she knew it. And Jules knew it, too. Hawkins, though, is still an impulsive and overconfident rookie, and he doesn’t truly understand what he’s up against.

Jules cautions him in Cape Town, keeps him from breaking down the door because recklessness will only get them in trouble. But then Carmen leaves the scene in her chopper, and Hawkins is livid.

“What were you thinking, Jules?!” he cries. “Did you want her to get away?!”

He doesn’t really mean that, Jules knows, he’s just lashing out because he’s frustrated. But those words still hit her, somewhere deep inside.

So Jules dodges the question. She’s found herself doing that a lot with Hawkins.

~

What Carmen and Jules had wasn’t a romance.

They agreed on that from their very first kiss—Carmen was just doing what she wanted, and Jules wanted that, too. So they kissed, they fooled around, they made each other feel good, but the relationship was never serious. Sure, Jules was a little in love with Carmen, but loving Carmen also meant accepting that she was the type of person who could never be tied down to anyone.

So Carmen never opened up about herself, and Jules never asked her to. Jules never asked for anything more than what she got. Being Carmen’s partner was enough, and Jules was happy with their life together at ACME.

It never really occurred to her that maybe Carmen wasn’t. 

Carmen had been MIA from ACME for a week when she announced the success of her very first heist via a video broadcast to the world. “I have stolen the Crown Jewels,” she proclaimed, and that was definitely Carmen on screen holding Cullinan I in her hand, her smug smile and twinkling eyes framed by a bright red fedora Jules had never seen her wear before. “And this is just the beginning. For I, Carmen Sandiego, am going to become the world’s greatest thief!”

The next morning, the Chief called Jules to her office, asked very seriously if Jules had ever noticed any signs that Carmen had been planning to defect. Jules told the truth: she hadn’t had a clue. Protocol demanded that Jules be taken off all her cases and thoroughly vetted anyway, but for what it was worth, Chief seemed to believe her.

Nobody else did, though.

“Maybe she and Sandiego had a fight,” her coworkers whispered amongst themselves, when they either didn’t know Jules could hear or didn’t care that she could. “There must be something Argent isn’t telling us. I mean, how couldn’t she know? She was her partner.”

Jules vowed to be the one to capture Carmen Sandiego, if only to prove to her peers that it wasn’t her fault. That just because she’d been Carmen’s partner didn’t mean she’d been anything more. She’d certainly never been Carmen’s confidant. Perhaps she’d never even been Carmen’s friend—

Except, Jules remembered: Carmen once took her to the top of the Eiffel Tower on one of their nights off, and kissed her breathless as they watched the Paris lights. Carmen once agreed to try all of Jules’s favorite restaurants in Chengdu, persevering even as her face flushed red because Jules liked her food much spicier than Carmen did. Carmen once went undercover as a musician for a case, and for a moment as she performed on stage, strumming her guitar and singing a love song in her native Brazilian Portuguese, she stared right at Jules’s spot in the audience and for those beautiful three seconds, it felt like the song was just for her.

...Okay, so maybe Jules was more than a little in love with Carmen.

(And maybe the idea of locking Carmen behind bars was just as painful as her coworkers’ censure, if not more.)

~

“You’re practically burning holes in your journal,” Hawkins tells Jules, during the plane ride to Germany right after retrieving the Mayan calendar. “What are you thinking about?”

Jules looks up from the entries she was reading: the ones from the mission where they retrieved the Mok’o fish gong. “I’m remembering the wolf statue in Quebec, and that Sorbonne poster in Paris.” The proof that Carmen Sandiego donated a lot of money to causes she cared about. “There is some good in Carmen,” Jules murmurs, an echo of what she said back in Mexico.

“There was some good in Carmen Sandiego,” Hawkins says. “I’ll believe that much. But Jules, she’s not your partner anymore. The past is the past. You need to focus on now, on this case.”

“I am focused on this case,” Jules insists. “If...if I can just figure out Carmen’s reasons for doing all this, I can figure out what she’ll do next.”

“Figure out...” Hawkins repeats, and something seems to click into place in his mind. “You don’t actually know why she left ACME, do you?”

Jules might as well admit it to him now. “I really don’t. When it happened, it surprised me as much as anybody.”

She’s half-expecting Hawkins to express disbelief like everyone else: How couldn’t you know? You were Carmen’s partner. But instead, he just cocks his head to the side and asks, “In that case, what makes you so sure she even had a reason?”

“...It’s Carmen,” Jules says, unable to produce a better answer. “There must have been a reason.”

Hawkins doesn’t really seem convinced at all, but he doesn’t push the subject any further.

Jules appreciates that.

~

Jules knew Carmen better than anyone else did. That didn’t necessarily mean she knew Carmen well, but at the very least, she was positive that Carmen wanted to make the world a better place. Whenever Carmen had talked about conserving the environment, about preserving world cultures, about learning from the past so that we may improve the future, there was real, undeniable passion there.

(If nothing else, Jules certainly knew Carmen’s passion.)

But the Carmen who Jules knew, the Carmen who had wanted nothing more than to do good—how in the world had she become the Carmen who stole, who laughed at the law, who left taunting and sometimes cruel messages behind?

Hello Julia. Still trying to prove yourself?

Maybe you’ve lost your edge, Jules.

You’ll learn, Agent Hawkins, that Julia can get quite frustrated at times. Not to mention opinionated.

The remarks hurt, honestly, but they also just didn’t make sense. Carmen hadn’t cared enough about Jules to stay, obviously, but...she had cared. Jules knew Carmen leaving ACME had never been about her, yet now, Carmen was acting as if she had something personal against Jules all of a sudden.

It’s almost as if, a voice whispered in the back of Jules’s mind, Carmen is trying to make you hate her.

And when Jules thought about it like that, she realized: if the Carmen she knew had, for whatever reason, believed she could somehow better the world by making herself into the villain...

She would have.

One hundred percent, she would have.

~

“Maybe she masterminded these thefts so the whole world could benefit,” Jules ponders aloud, after Carmen escapes her and Hawkins in the lost city. Even as she says it, she knows there’s no proof. There’s nothing there but her own intuition, and maybe too much hope, and a love for Carmen that will never truly be able to leave her heart. 

Hawkins doesn’t believe it. The Chief probably doesn’t either. And even if Jules ever caught up to Carmen, even if Jules ever managed to pin her down long enough to ask if her theory was correct, Carmen would never answer her honestly.

That’s just who Carmen is. And Jules will just have to live with that.

“I still think Carmen Sandiego is a bad apple. Rotten to the core,” Hawkins says, because he and Jules don’t agree on a lot of things and will likely never agree on Carmen. But even so, his can-do attitude as the Chief reports Carmen’s next heist is contagious, invigorating. It honestly makes Jules feel better.

Carmen would never answer Jules honestly. But there is still the possibility that Jules could find out the truth for herself.

So, with the chase back on and her confidence renewed, Jules turns to Shadow and smiles.

[synoxshots]

The Master KOTFE Adventure

My latest project has been playing through KotFE on master mode.

Why ever would you want to do that? you may ask, and I have asked myself the same thing. In short, it was a mix of having a light sided empire toon that I didn't want the autocompletes on, and the fact that he is also the best geared character I've ever had and the discipline I've had most experience playing. And I've run through KotFE quite a few times so, freshening it up I guess? 

So this is how it went. This isn't a guide - more, a record of my experiences as I went through. As ever, some things I found easy others might find hard, and (more likely, lbr) vice versa. 

The gamer:

I play a Rage Jugg, wear Descent of the Fearless set, gear level 306 with a full set of 286 augments. So - very well geared, but not fully optimised stats wise. Experience wise for this - I'd done a few chapters on vet mode before with a Guardian (Focus) and Powertech (Pyrotech) though not always at max gear (probably in the 290s when I first gave it a go), and I like trying to solo group content like vet fps (master for Red Reaper only) because I don't love myself, I guess. A smidge of ops experience. I'm reasonably competent as a player but also prone to stupid, I don't claim to be great by any means.

Chapter I

All went smoothly, died on the last fight against the BD-148 elite skytrooper - but that was just because I forgot about heroic moments existing, given that half the chapter is spent without a companion. Used my enraged defence a few times but never really felt at risk of dying. Apart from the one time when I did, obviously. Marr goes up to 28 influence automatically. Lots of mobs can be skipped as they're already engaged in fights.

Chapter II

Quite a few mobs you can skip around. Valkorion heals you though he's not a companion so no heroic moment. Last monolith did get me close to death sometimes, so there was a bit of running away so I could heal up a bit more, and making good use of defensive abilities. But no deaths on this one!

Chapter III

I died twice on this one, both were easily preventable. The first was against the Ground Assault Walker (massive droid before the bridge) and pretty much because I hadn't raised Lana's influence yet, so I upped it to 20 before starting the fight again and cleared it very quickly. Sidenote: a while back I bought a bunch of Spiced Aric Tongue from the Jawa scrap peddlers as I didn't know what else to do with all that, Lana accepts it so it's a nice quick way to up her level (Koth likes it too, a lot, which is handy). Second death was against like, a handful of skytroopers when I was shutting down the reactor and really it was mostly because I wasn't paying attention properly, though Lana died both times at this point. There's another fight where these prototype skytroopers keep swarming and I was a bit nervous because there were kolto stations there and I couldn't entirely remember how intense it got. The answer was...not intense at all and I definitely didn't need them. The final fight on this one is the two Zakuul knights but they didn't cause me any problems. All in all I'd say the deaths I've had so far have all been my own fault.

Chapter IV

This...did not go as well. And I'm not entirely sure why, just bad play on my part I think mostly, sometimes there are days when I just play like trash *shrug*. Not timing things like enraged defence, heroic moments and so on very well which meant I died a few times to wildlife - twice the larger bosses, twice mobs of normal/strong ones. Yeah... Kept upping my companion influence so all three (Lana, Koth and HK by this point) got up to 27 but I think even higher than that may be needed as they just didn't seem to be healing well. 

Chap V

I was a bit wary heading into this one, as it was one I'd run before on vet mode and remembered having trouble with the skytrooper waves. I was less geared then though, and had less companion influence doing that, having now taken everyone up to about 32. I didn't record any deaths on this though had a near miss - but I had saved my enraged defence/heroic moment and so on and hit them at the right time. Hey, I'm playing smarter! 

Chapter VI

I found this chapter easy when I'd run it on veteran not long before, but that was not the case on master. Died the first time against Oggo, that was my own fault though, although he does have one particular ability that hits very hard. Then came the Scions. Ohhh boy. The first two you face killed me, fair enough I hadn't had a chance to raise Senya's influence yet. The second two, Venat and Berusal, caused me pain. The good thing is that when fighting the pairs and you take one down, if you die the other doesn't respawn. The other good thing is that Venat and Berusal can be pulled separately, the bad news is I found this out after a few attempts. And Berusal still killed me on his own the first time. I was not having a fun time. And then you face Heskal without a companion. It takes a bit of tactics. I tried to damage him whilst he was doing Debris Storm, though still had to avoid the red circles. Turbulence gives a lot of damage, so had to hastily get out the way/interrupt it. He also stuns you which isn't fun. Valky pops up and offers you an out after the first phase, unfortunately I decided to stay true to character and not take it. Bad times were had. I went to lunch. I asked a friend to help. My internet got switched off before that could happen. I found out I was able to summon a companion...I know I'm not supposed to story wise, and I'm not sure if you can normally (there's a lot of times when companion summon buttons are greyed out due to story restrictions) or if this was only because I'd previously logged out...but suddenly the fight became a lot easier. Funny that. Sigh. Moving on...

Chapter VII

Honestly not much to say about this one, nothing that caused me trouble. A lot of it is in the open world so regular difficulty rather than scaled to master. 

Chapter VIII

This one wasn't much trouble either, did die once when stuff was on cooldown, once in the final Arcann fight. Kiting him over and hitting the conduits there is a big help as they stun him, that is probably very obvious but I've literally never bothered with them on story or vet mode. We're halfway there!

Chapter X

This one also gave me a Time. The problem I had was when you come up against Faedral and Zaamsk. My first thought was the difficulty was because I hadn't raised Kaliyo's influence (oops, but you get her on the spot and I didn't have gifts handy...or at least the ones I thought she liked she didn't actually) (this is how I found out that agent!Kaliyo and alliance!Kaliyo have different preferences, apparently this will also apply to other - but not all - returning companions). But I raised her to 28 and still kept dying. It's a bit of a nasty fight honestly, and the guide I looked at said that juggs...aren’t ideal for it. Crowd control and interrupts are very handy. I kept getting really close to getting one of them down and dying just before I could, super annoying because it's another of those where if you take one down and die, you only have to face the other one. I took a break and read the guide more closely, watched some videos, and ultimately just decided to bring someone along to avoid the pain, or maybe share in it. I still died but we got through them. The fight against Tayvor Slen, the boss fight of the chapter, took a couple of tries with two of us - the first time I got stuck in a red circle and pretty much insta-killed. There was a bit of a close call on the second attempt but it was under control really. The achievement then comes through for chapter completion, all you have to do then is get out of the Overwatch, all things rosy right? Oh how wrong they were. A bunch of Zakuul Knights came along and literally just slaughtered us, full on, one-shotting us both - it was hilarious and extremely confusing because why?? how?? Did the bonus mission to get the prisoners to escape (look out for the glowing terminal, it says 'Overwatch Prison Logs' when you hover over it) - they one-shot a few Knights but then disappeared on us too. Who knows. But we got through it.

Chapter XI

A much nicer one though still had a handful of deaths. Where you meet up with Havoc Squad there's ambush of Skytroopers, followed by a couple of walkers - and the walkers beat me. They cast circles that I just couldn't get out of in time to save my health, even with my defensives. I'm not sure if they were the type to follow you or a sort of stamp move (I should have looked at the cast bar, come to think of it) - I suspect though it was the latter and so it wouldn't be an issue on a ranged character. The fight though does continue around you if you die so you don't lose the progress you make, just use the med probe, revive and rejoin. I only took Jorgan to level 7 because that was all the gifts I had, but most of the mobs were just regular trash, typically 3 at a time, which was no worry. When you attack the base the Knights are a bit harder - there's one round the back that does stealth strikes and that's a difficult one to face. I died - the respawn to medbay actually puts you inside the part with the forcefield you're supposed to take down, and then you can't get out of it...I maintain that I did find a way past the forcefield but it doesn't work as a cheesing method. Use your med probe, otherwise it's quick travel out and re-enter your phase. The final battle is a big droid (I forgot the name of it). It spawns a bunch of smaller droids, just ignore those and go for the boss - I didn't the first time and that's why I died - I lost Jorgan, I had two Knights chasing me whilst the droid put up shields, it didn't go well - second time I did it in less than a minute whilst using a heroic moment.

Chapter XII

This one you don't have a companion for, though it's not a big deal - for the most part my main enemy, as tends to be the case on this chapter, was the map. I think the regular mobs are scaled down a bit for playing without a companion. You can pick up an animal to help you as well, which you may as well do as things just die quicker. It runs off in caves. Valkorion does take your health down a fair chunk before he gives you his beat down but it wasn't so bad. Vaylin though took quite a few attempts. You can't interrupt her so you have to be on the ball with your defensives and timing them all, which includes the shield and medpac given in your temporary bar for the chapter. Really the medpac isn't that effective so don't count on it. There's a lot of running around as she casts red circles. Probably easier with a character with more self heals. I got through it after a few efforts, after getting close a few times, though even then I was still low on health by the end.

Chapter XIII

Yeah, this one was no trouble really, and that was with Gault at only level 4 influence. If things get hairy whack a bit more on him, there's no real mechanics to pose problems. As ever, good practice to stay out of circles on the boss fight, you have Vette there as well so a bit of extra damage going and yeah. Nothing to worry about.

Chapter XIV

Another that was nice and simple, I didn't even have any gifts to give Torian so was wandering around with him on level 1. Just a matter of timing defensives and heroic moments in that case. Lots is open world, too. Final boss fight was no problem at all.

Chapter XV

Reading guides for this put the fear of god into me, so I was pleasantly surprised to find it better than expected. The bosses were the toughest parts. The first is the Skytrooper Constructor, that one does spawn adds after a while as well. It killed me a couple of times but really I'm not sure what the best strategy was so I just went for the classic, burn it as fast as I possibly can and making use of heroic moment/defensives as well. The GEMINI droid at the end had me worried. That took 3 attempts (maybe 4, I think it was just 3 though), one of those my heroic moment was still on cooldown and Senya died quickly on it too. It was really just about managing defensives effectively as well, running away when she has the red cone in front of you, using the heroic moment for extra speedy damage. It was a close call in the end but my enraged defence came off cooldown at the perfect moment, thank you Grit Teeth. I wouldn't say this was an easy chapter by any means so quite proud of myself for getting through it on my own! The other thing I would say is watch out for the lasers - they don't do lots of damage on story mode, but on master they one-shot you if you get caught in them! The other various traps I probably got through easier than I have on the lower difficulties which may just be a testament to this being like, my fifth complete kotfe run at this stage haha.

Chapter XVI

The final chapter...and the one I was the most scared of. Took Lana up to lvl 50 in preparation...she duly died early on in the first boss anyway. KJ-931 is the first boss - I say first boss, there's still a high rank enemy immediately before that I died to a few times anyway and needed a heroic moment to beat. First attempt against KJ I actually came really close. Stay out of the aoes - there's a white circle and a yellow cone, as well as a big red laser thing where you have to rush to the corner and if you can - micromanage Lana well enough that she doesn't get caught up in them too. So I learnt that I am not good at micromanaging companions like that. Take the turrets rather than the shields, definitely - apparently the shields also have limited use, the turrets pull aggro as well as giving you damage so they're very handy. Sometimes on this fight I got one-shotted very quickly, others I managed to hold on a bit - but it was the first attempt that was my best run until I actually did it. Honestly I can't say what the trick was to finally getting it right...just a lot of blind panic and luck. Second boss is Dara Nadal - I found it easier to just go for the intense burn on her - put down the turrets, use a heroic moment, set Lana to damage as well and burn. Still took a few attempts on her but each time I was getting very close so I knew I would get there.

And then came Arcann. Ooooh boy. I'd been reading guides and watching videos in preparation but there's still a lot to keep on top of. I decided to use the Marr & Satele Special Saber rather than my usual one - having the benefit of being able to run around quickly was handy, and the other ability reflects damage from his saber attack. This took many attempts - some that went very quickly, some that got him to his final phase. Rather than going into specifics I'm going to link to this video as it probably explains what to do best (it’s handy for all the bosses). You really have to watch for the moment he gets to ~25% and stands in one spot - if you aren't able to do the shield whacky he will kill you straight up. My first time running towards him with the shield in that very last phase I died on the way up. It took me a long time and a lot on repair bills but this is another one I was very proud of for getting through on my own as there were times I didn't think I would.

General stuff:

I would say doing this is not for the light-hearted but it’s certainly possible! Apart from one chapter where I grabbed a friend I got through them all on my own

Some classes fair better in certain chapters than others. I went with my Jugg all the way through, but if you have the characters geared and you know them well enough - and you're doing this for the cheevos rather than going through the storyline - you're likely better off mixing and matching as you go. There were many occasions I wished I had range.

You will die to trash mobs. It is a fact of life. It feels embarrassing in the early chapters, you come to accept this and move on.

Companion influence helps a lot. Koth, Lana, and Senya all like delicacies (especially Koth, that man can eat) - you can grab these from the Jawa vendors in the cartel bazaar on fleet.

Med droids are also a booming industry thanks to the amount I've spent on repairs in the course of this.

There are more mechanics compared to story mode, and some that exist in story mode that you just notice more on master. But apparently the difference between vet and master is just artificial - more health and hitting harder. 

Going Commando is another good resource for their experiences playing through.

[the-last-teabender]

I know the current mentality is that you jump on the news immediately, you put your feelings out there on the news immediately, you show you’re engaged by speaking loud and right away, and I get that.

But we can and must fact-check, and fact-checking in and of itself is neither an insult nor a backhanded statement of doubt. Even for something I believe fully, I want every fact available to me before I speak — often even more urgently than for something I disbelieve — so I can be prepared and speak as much truth as possible.

And yes I know the comeback will be “People use ‘I need all the facts’ as a way to shut people down.” I know. I’ve seen it. I’m not talking about them. I am talking about you. Just because you know people misuse the concept, that doesn’t mean you are beholden/entitled to misuse it. If anything, it is that much more important for you and me to do it right, so that others using it as a hand-wave becomes less and less feasible.

It’s very hard to find a fully non-contentious example of just how much difference a few minutes of fact-checking makes, but I actually have one from work: the Cowboy Bebop husky.

Prepare for long:

So there’s a live-action Netflix adaptation of Cowboy Bebop in the works. Opinion on this is exactly as divided as you think it is, and has been since day 1.

Early on in proceedings, a rumor got around — a pretty robust one — that Ein (a hyperintelligent Pembroke Welsh Corgi) would be depicted in the live-action adaptation by a husky named Bella. The rumor came with a healthy sidecar of quotes from “a Netflix exec,” including statements about how doing the unexpected is “the ethos of Bebop” and how “true fans” will embrace the change, and how really changing Ein’s breed isn’t that big a deal because he was only a Corgi because someone on the creative team likes Corgis.

This, as you might expect, went off like an absolute powder keg, and it utterly reinforced everyone’s fears that the Netflix adaptation would be a travesty, and Netflix doesn’t care, etc. etc. It got picked up to enough of a degree that it got legs, and it got around pretty hot among my friend groups.

Over at Crunchyroll, reporting on it was a no-go. As a news site attached to a licensing company, we don’t report on anything that can’t be tracked back to a viable source — be that a vetted news outlet or a company with an official presence. This husky thing was either a lie (and thus not worth printing) or a leak (and we don’t publish leaks). We were all leaning toward “lie” for a lot of reasons. So we let it be. But it kept coming up in reader comments and on Twitter.

So one day I went, screw this, let’s at least follow the trail back and see what’s up.

It took about 15 minutes to discover the source: this blog, which touts itself as an anime news site, run by a guy named Victor whose username turns up no relevant results save for the blog itself. There are two stories on the blog: a basic “hello world,” and the original story, which contains no sources or links. Both are dated 5 April 2019.

“But Teabender,” I hear you cry, “it could be someone trying to blow the whistle anonymously.” And sure, you’re right.

And that’s when you search up the images — and find that the only other instance of the photo of “Bella” is on this vet tech’s Tumblr, dated 15 February 2018. More than a year prior. (And funnily enough, “Bella” is actually an “intact male” believed to have fathered a litter of at least 10 puppies.)

The executive producer did end up debunking the rumor himself — a month later, though it’s pretty common for rumors to go ignored if they look like they’ll run themselves out just by virtue of being That Dumb. And then in October, of course, we got actual video of the live-action Ein, in case any hold-outs thought they were having 4D chess played on them.

The tl;dr is that a random person made up a story that meshed with the Internet’s mood, and it took a negligible amount of time to disprove it.

This? A dog in a Netflix show? Is bloody pointless. (Sorry but it is; if Ein HAD been played by a husky named Bella, no one would have died or had their freedom taken away.) But in a real life-or-death situation, you owe it to yourself to check. Because if it’s true, you need to have all your facts in order so you can defend, debate, and act; and if it’s false, you need to protect yourself against being emotionally manipulated by whoever is putting lies out there. And I still get tripped up by this sometimes; I still have to hold myself to my own standards.

If I can spend a few minutes debunking a husky, all of us can be more careful about the stuff that matters.

[nakediconoclast]

About a certain livestock de-wormer...

Ivermectin

.

Before I even start this post, let me get the legal shit out of the way.I am not a doctor. I haven't even been to a doctor in over 5 years.I have no medical training except for maybe 100 hours of outdated first aid training when I was in the army 40 years ago and my First Sergeant needed a break from me.I am not a pharmacist, although back in the 1980s and 90s, I have dispensed dru..... Wait, I better leave that one alone.The point being, don't take my word for shit here. Do your own research. I'm going to refer to the drug as IM in this post because I don't want Google/Blogger taking my blog down or red-paging it for not toeing the party line. It is not my purpose to try to talk you into taking it any more than I'd try to talk you out of taking the vaccine if that's what you want to do. Your body, your choice.All I'm doing is making you aware of it if you haven't already checked it out, and to pass on my own experiences and thoughts. IM has been approved for use in humans, although it's more widely known as an parasitic medication for livestock.IM, sold under the brand name Stromectol among others, is a medication that is used to treat parasite infestations. In humans, this includes head lice, scabies, river blindness (onchocerciasis), strongyloidiasis, trichuriasis, ascariasis, and lymphatic filariasis. In veterinary medicine, it is used to prevent and treat heartworm and acariasis, among other indications. It can be taken by mouth or applied to the skin for external infestations.MORE Question: If it's already been proven safe for human use, why isn't there full speed ahead testing being done to see if it works for covid?Answer: Big Pharma. IM has been off patent for years and is dirt cheap. If it's found out to be effective for covid, guess who's profits are going to nosedive in that vaccine market? * Back a few weeks ago, a very good friend who shall remain nameless - fuck it, I'll out him, it was WiscoDave - initiated a conversation with me about IM and wanted to know if I had considered taking it to 1) prevent covid and 2) use it to cure covid if I were to contract it. Me, being invincible, said no, so he turned me onto a few links and pretty much left it at that.He's a sly devil - he knew I'd eventually get bored and read them. One of them concerned a study in India. As you may recall, there was a major outbreak a couple months ago and motherfuckers were dying like flies, then all of a sudden..... nothing.Why? Because they introduced IM. HERE is the link to the study in the first sentence of this paragraph.HERE is a 25 minute youtube video along the same lines. There's more out there if you take a few seconds to look them up. Okay, I read that, then I started digging and found more articles and videos on youtube, although youtube seems to be pulling a bunch of them if they even mention covid and IM.To make a long story short, I figured to give it a try. Hell, I never was shy about trying new drugs when I was younger, so it wasn't that big of a deal.My reasoning was this: While I may be invincible, my wife is not and with her health problems, she is one of those high risk people. She doesn't get out much, so about the only way she'd get it would be from me, so I needed to protect myself, but I really don't want to get vaccinated.Besides, I keep hearing about all the deaths and complications from taking the vaccines, but I've yet to hear about anybody dying from taking IM. On top of that, every day I read about fully vaccinated people being diagnosed with covid in spite of their precautions, so even if I got vaccinated, there's a good possibility that's not going to protect my wife from getting it. Wisco had also directed me to Ann Barnhardt's IM page HERE and told me to be sure that I read it - it tells you where to buy it, how to buy it, what kinds to buy (very important!) and dosage instructions. So, armed with that knowledge, I went into town to score some of this miracle drug in the liquid form. First stop was the Farmer's Co-op in town. There was none to be had and the old boy behind the counter said they can't keep it in stock for the past few months. That seemed a little weird seeing as I haven't noticed a massive influx of livestock around here lately - unless people are buying it up to use on themselves. Bubba also told me he couldn't guarantee a hold for me when it did come in, so I headed down to Tractor Supply. Once there, I couldn't find the liquid 1% solution so I asked one of the guys and immediately started getting the 3rd degree - just exactly what I did I want it for and shit like that, so I told him it was to worm a sick donkey. He went to the back to see if there was any there, but came back to tell me there was none in stock, so I asked him to order it for me. He hemmed and hawed around until the manager walked by and told him to order anything I wanted, with as much money as I've spent in that store, so he ordered a 50ml bottle for me and I got it 3-4 days later.While I'm on the subject of Tractor Supply, if you order something online from your home, YOU pay the shipping. If you have them order it for you, it ships to your address and shipping is free - something to keep in mind. Ten bucks is ten bucks. Anyways, after I got home and was re-reading Miss Ann's page, I realized I saw the 1.87% paste there at Tractor Supply, so I hustled back down there and scored a tube for about 8 bucks.Once I got it home, I figured to give it a whirl as a preventive measure, but I didn't want to use the liquid, figuring to hold off on that in case it became 'unavailable' in the future.Now Wisco had told me the paste tasted like ass, but what the fuck, I've eaten British food before. I ain't scared. Besides, this shit was apple flavored. So I took a piece of bread, squeezed out the recommended dose (I thought), put it on the bread, folded it over and wolfed it down. I got a very slight taste of bitter apple, so I shoveled in a load of Copenhagen and that was the end of that. Now, while IM in the liquid form is taken orally, it's drawn from the bottle and measured using a syringe which can be bought at Tractor Supply, livestock supply stores and even online at vet supply sites such as Chewy.com.In the liquid form and by using a little math, you can get the dosage down for your body weight pretty easily. Using the paste, the tube dispenses the doses in 50 kilogram increments for your body weight. Luckily, as I found out, it's pretty fucking hard to overdose yourself. As I was putting the tube away, I realized I had accidentally dosed myself with double the amount recommended for my weight. It's okay to round up - better a little too much than too little according to everything I had read, but damn, I really rounded up.Like I said, the shit measures out in 50 kilo increments for body weight and I did 3 clicks instead of 2. I weigh 170 pounds and took enough for a 330 pounder.I sat down and waited to die. What I got was a very slight headache and I do mean very slight - it wasn't even bad enough to require aspirin. I didn't even cop a buzz, damn it. Okay, that's my experience. Did I have any side effects? Nope.Did I get sick to my stomach? Huh-uh.Does my dick still get hard in the morning? Most of the time, but that's my age showing.Any frothing at the mouth? Only when I brush my teeth.Do my trigger fingers still work? Yes, praise the Lord.Any newfound empathy or tolerance for Biden? Fuck no.Do I have an urge to gallop in the pasture? What happens in that pasture is between me and God. Obviously, there's precautions.Ladies, you probably don't want to take it if you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant.If you're taking medication, you most definitely want to talk with your doctor first to see if there's going to be any kind of interactions. There's a website HERE that you can check, but I think I'd want to hear it from a doctor. How you word those questions is up to you, but if it was me I wouldn't ask IF I can take it, I'd let him or her know I was going to take it and what should I know. Okay, bottom line for me: Like I said earlier, I've heard of many, many cases of horrible side effects and even deaths from taking the vaccines, but I've yet to hear of anybody taking the correct dosage of IM having any adverse effects. I'm sure there's some out there, but if they were even remotely common, the FDA would be spreading those examples everywhere. Instead, they're putting out vague warnings like this HERE.Do I believe the hype about how deadly covid is for healthy people? No. But I do believe it can make you sicker than a dog, and I generally try to avoid shit like that. And again, I do have to protect my wife by protecting myself. With her health issues, death is a very real possibility. * So, if you are considering it, please go to Ann Barnhardt's page on the stuff and read it. Again, you'll find instructions on the kind to buy (they're not all the same), dosage, how to take it, and even a little video on how to use the paste.HEREIf you're concerned about the correct dosage, she addresses that as well.HERE

[hiddenwiki13]

Fall In Love With HIDDEN WIKI

Reviewing the 1970s, "darknet" was truly not an awful term: it just inferred networks that were detached from the standard of ARPANET for security purposes. Notwithstanding, as ARPANET changed into the web and a brief timeframe later ate up basically the wide extent of various PC networks out there, the word came to perceive areas that were connected with the web yet not really of it, hard to track down on the off chance that you didn't have a guide.

 The alleged weak web, a catch-all verbalization covering the pieces of the web not reported through web crawlers, is the stuff of shocking legend. Notwithstanding, as with most legends, the fact of the matter is a touch more ordinary. This shouldn't deduce that that astonishing stuff isn't accessible on dull sites, in any case, some of them murmured staggering stories you might've heard don't make up a large portion of the exchanges there.

 We watched out for some security experts who offered to offer us somewhat a guided visit through the web's lower zones. Ideally, it will demystify things each.

 New weak locales spring up dependably...

 A 2015 white paper from danger data firm Recorded Future analyzes the linkages between the Web you know and the darknet. The ways regularly start on complaints like Pastebin, from the outset proposed as a direct spot to move long code tests or other substance yet now regularly where partners with the dark Tor network are saved a few days or hours for contributed individuals.

While looking for dull locales isn't only likely as essential as utilizing Google—the reality of the situation is to be truly subtle, considering everything—there are approaches to manage discover what's there. The screen gets under was given by Radware security analyst Daniel Smith, and he says it's the eventual outcome of "altered substance that go out there and find new URLs, new onions, dependably, and from there on show them. It's like Geocities, yet 2018"— an energy that is helped along by pages with names like "My Deepweb Site," which you can see on the screen get.

 ...besides, many are totally authentic

Matt Wilson, the central data security counsel at BTB Security, says that "there is a sensible/weak side to the weak web that would presumably shock an extensive number of people. You can trade some

cooking plans—with video!— send an email, or read a book. Individuals utilize the dull web for these smart things for a plan of reasons: an impression of the area, insight or following of web tendencies, or just to accomplish something in a substitute manner."

 [ Prepare to change into a Certified Information Security Systems Professional with this broad web course from PluralSight. Before long contribute a 10-day free starter! ]

 It legitimizes auditing that what thrives with the darknet is material that has been kept somewhere else on the web. For instance, in 2015, in the wake of the Chinese government stopping any tomfoolery with VPN relationship through the claimed "stunning firewall," Chinese-language conversations ended bouncing up on the darknet — all around flooding with individuals who essentially expected to exchange with one another in agreeableness.

 Radware's Smith brings up that there is an assortment of media sources on the weak web, going from the news website from the hacking group Anonymous to the New York Times, which appeared in the screen get here, all considering individuals in nations that adjust the open web.

 A few spaces are by hi from a certain point of view

 Plainly, not all things are so faultless, or you wouldn't endeavor to look at this article. Considering everything, "you can't simply be starting up your Tor program and mentioning 10,000 Visa records, or passwords to your neighbor's webcam," says Mukul Kumar, CISO and VP of Cyber Practice at Cavirin. "A gigantic piece of the checked 'delicate' information is simply open to those that have been affirmed or welcome to express friendly events."

 How should you get a hello to such dull locales? "They should see history of terrible conduct," says Radware's Smith. "From an overall perspective, it takes after a mafia trust test. They need you to show that you're not a prepared proficient and you're not law execution. In like manner, an enormous heap of those tests will be something that a specialist or law need genuinely can't do."

 There is shocking stuff, and crackdowns mean it's harder to trust

 In reality, as a year earlier, different weak web business networks for drugs and hacking associations included corporate-level client care and client audits, making exploring less staggering yet rather safer for learners. Nonetheless, since law essential has started to stop messing around with such protests, the experience is more stunning and more hazardous.

 "The entire considered this darknet business center, where you have a partner outline, where individuals can survey calms that they're purchasing from transporters and get up on a get-together and say, 'in all actuality, this is real' or 'No, this genuinely harmed me'— that has been diminished since faint business living spaces have been taken withdrawn," says Radware's Smith. "You're seeing unapproachable vendors open up their own shops, which are all things considered, hard to vet yourself truly. There won't be any audits, there's not a lot of escrow associations. Also, in this way, by these takedowns, they've really fired up a business opportunity for extra misleads to hop up."

 Surveys can not be right, things sold under contortions—and a ton is on the line

There are still protests where medications are evaluated, says Radware's Smith, regardless, review that they ought to be taken with a gigantic grain of salt. A specialist may get a high from something they purchased on the web, at any rate not like what the medication was that given it.

  One explanation such errors are made? Different weak web drug makers will in addition buy pill presses and tones, which retail two or three hundred dollars and can make risky clone drugs. "One of the later alerts that I could imply would be Red Devil Xanax," he said. "These were sold as some super Xanax bars when truly, they were simply horrible medications expected to hurt you." Everything You Wanted to Know About hidden wiki and Were Too Embarrassed to Ask

 The weak web gives discount things to striking nearby retailers...

 Smith says that some standard remedy cartels utilize the dull web networks for dissipating—"it disposes of the subject matter expert and awards the cartels to send from their own stockrooms and spread it on the off chance that they need to"— yet inconspicuous administrators can also give the individual touch at the neighborhood level following to purchasing drug produced combinations discount from China or somewhere else from areas like the one in the screen get here. "You know how there are loads of neighborhood IPA microbreweries?" he says. "We in addition have a ton of nearby little investigation workplaces. Around there, there's obviously, notwithstanding, one child that is gotten canny and recognizes how to arrange drugs on the darknet, and make very few solutions to offer to his neighborhood affiliation."

 ...who utilize the gig economy

 Smith depicts how the darknet meets with the unregulated and passed on the universe of the gig economy to help reasonable hold. "What about we expect I need to have something bought from the darknet transported off me," he says. "I'm not going reveal my authentic territory, isn't that so? I would have something like that passed on to an AirBnB—a territory that can be discarded, a burner. The case appears to be the day they lease it, by then they put the thing in a Uber and send it to another space. It winds up being astoundingly hard for law need to follow, particularly in the occasion that you're going across different domains."

Not all things are open to being purchased on the dull web

 We've contributed an enormous heap of energy looking at drugs here purposefully. Smith calls narcotics "the genuine foundation" of the weak web; "cybercrime—selling attempts and inadequacies, web application assaults—that is the electronic foundation. Basically, I'd say a ton of the darknet is in reality medications and children analyzing little encroachment on get-togethers."

 A piece of the truly terrifying sounding stuff you get some answers concerning being open to being purchased as frequently as potential breezes up being by and large gossipy treats. Take weapons, for example: as Smith puts it, "it would be less hard for a criminal to buy a firearm, truly, versus the web. Going to the darknet is adding an additional development that isn't huge for the association. Precisely when you're administering confirmed hoodlums, they will recognize somebody that is selling a weapon."

 Unequivocal specialties are in

 Notwithstanding, there are some sure darknet specialty includes out there, regardless of whether they don't have the very impression that tranquilizers do. One that Smith made me notice was the universe of skimmers, gadgets that fit into the openings of genuine credit and ATM card perusers and get your money-related harmony information.

 In addition, giving another outline of how the darknet weds certified articles open to be purchased with information available to be purchased, similar complaints likewise give information manual sheets to different standard ATM models. Among the jewels accessible in these sheets are the default passwords for a couple, praised web-related models; we will not give everything away here, in any case for a couple, it's a similar digit emphasized on different events.

Visit Our Website: https://hidden.wiki

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[beca-mitchell]

fool’s gold (1/1)

Summary: Beca finds herself in Colorado bidding on a date with one Chloe Beale. Accidentally, of course. Besides, it’s for charity. Set after PP3.

Word count: 4,216

Rating: T

Read below or on AO3.

Beca finds out about it accidentally. A total accident wherein she did not intend to find out this information. She had been perusing the Bellas groupchat, a chat which she had been slightly too busy to participate in recently, when something caught her eye.

Chloe’s name plus the word “date”. It had taken a few tries and a few shaky swipes of her finger before she figures out that Chloe is participating in some charity event.

Beca hesitates at first, about to type out a message to Chloe right in the groupchat, but she quickly switches over to her private conversation with Chloe and winces when she realizes that her and Chloe haven’t really kept up an ongoing text conversation (and hardly any phone calls) over the past few months.

Beca sighs, flipping back to the groupchat and hoping against hope that somebody else—probably Aubrey or Flo—will ask Chloe about it.

Flo F. What kind of charity is it?

Chloe Every year, the senior vet students run some kind of fundraiser. This year it's for research. In the past, this auction thing has been a huge hit!!

Fat Amy So you’re selling your body? Nothing wrong with that of course.

Chloe No, I’m just…auctioning off a date.

Beca puts her phone down slowly.

Had three and a half years really flown by that quickly? Chloe was almost done with veterinary school and Beca felt like she was still struggling to stay afloat herself.

Well, that was a little untrue. Six Billboard Top 100 hits, a Grammy nomination, a North American tour with an international tour on its way, her first album had gone platinum with the second hot on its heels—

It’s just that Chloe Beale had always seemed so wholly unattainable even with everything that had transpired between them. And Beca wasn’t completely stupid, she knew some of this was her own fault, but life just came at her too fucking fast.

(This being the whole ‘we definitely have feelings for each other but we are also definitely not doing anything about it because one of us is in Colorado and the other is in California sometimes but not always��� thing. God, that always knocked the wind out of Beca. In any case, it had been one weekend of Chloe visiting Los Angeles and a drunken kiss that led to a little more, but nothing really, then an unspoken decision to never speak about it again.

Yeah. This.)

— — — — — 

It takes Beca another two hours to finally message Chloe and she almost has a heart attack when she pulls up their conversation.

Chloe’s last sweet dreams! xo stares back at her accusingly. 

Beca So, a date huh?

She groans. 

Yes, obviously a date. Aubrey already asked for more details an hour ago and the groupchat had long moved on.

Chloe’s reply is nearly instantaneous.

Chloe ?? 

Beca The whole auction thing you know for charity 

Chloe oh haha, yeah. It’ll be nothing. Just some rich student with too much to spend. I don’t have my hopes up or anything.

 But if Chloe could have her hopes for somebody in particular…Beca’s fingers tap anxiously on the edge of her table as she stares back at Chloe’s innocent-enough message.

  Beca oh, well fingers crossed lol

Chloe yeah.

 Beca winces at the one-word response, telling herself not to read too much into it—it doesn’t mean anything, they’re fine, they’re fine, they’re fine—

  Chloe I miss you

She sighs in relief.

Beca miss you too chlo

— — — — —

“You didn’t ask her out yet?” is Theo’s confused inquiry. “Wait, you weren’t dating already?”

“Just—just look up flights to Colorado.”

“I’m not your assistant, just in case you forgot.”

“I know, but Jeff’s on the fritz today and I don’t need another snide remark from him.”

“Snide remark? About what?”

“…about Chloe.”

“Ah.”

 — — — — — 

 Beca isn’t sure how she ends up here, but she ends up doing some casual research about this supposed senior tradition at CSU’s veterinary college and it ends up being more of a thing than Beca originally expects. Like a super serious thing where people buy tickets to attend. 

All proceeds go to the National Animal Disease Center and the Animal Welfare Institute. Tickets at the door will be $55.

Beca stares at the long list of details and scrolls for an embarrassing amount of time until she finds a list of “Auction Participants”. She exhales noisily through her nose when she finds Chloe’s name, surprised to see separate profiles attached to all the students participating.

Chloe Beale, Rising 4th Year Veterinary Student, DVM Candidate

Chloe enjoys singing and morning runs. She will probably fight you over whether the CSU Rams could hold up against the Barden University Knights. In her spare time, she enjoys volunteering at Larimer Humane Society as well as the CSU Zoo. You might have seen her running a few weekend educational programs for children 10 and under.

PS. She’s single!

Beca isn’t sure what grates on her more, the fact that the description doesn’t say anything about how Chloe hums her favorite songs when she gets nervous, or how Chloe’s hair grows at least a shade and a half lighter during the summer, or—or how Chloe can talk at length about nearly anything if she thinks it’s something that another person will find interesting. She is selfless and beautiful inside and out. 

And that last line. Beca’s fist clenches. She isn’t sure why it annoys her so much, but she hates the idea of this auction gimmick even if she knows instinctively that it is all in good fun and Chloe genuinely wouldn’t have consented to it if she didn’t believe in it or trust everybody who would be participating. Still, maybe Beca doesn’t want Chloe to…be single.

Her brow furrows at that last tapered-off thought.

To distract herself, she taps Theo’s number into her phone and waits with bated breath.

“Hello?”

“Did you book the ticket yet?” she asks in lieu of greeting.

She’ll let his amused chuckle slide this once.

 — — — — — 

 So maybe it isn’t really an accident.

She’s in Fort Collins, Colorado, on a beautiful but pretty damn chilly campus. Beca pulls her windbreaker tighter around herself and tugs her scarf up over her mouth and nose. She hasn’t been recognized yet, but she has a suspicion that there have been two young ladies following her, but she can’t be certain.

Though her fame is manageable, it still flares up unexpectedly and at inopportune times.

Like the last time she had visited Chloe on campus and they had spent the weekend eating at Chloe’s favorite spots and drinking cheap wine until they were laughing and leaning heavily against each other. Beca had loved the scent of Chloe’s shampoo as it wafted up from where Chloe had her head pressed against Beca’s shoulder and neck, her giggles tapering off into nothing. Back then, they hadn’t kissed yet—Beca was still recovering from the sting of seeing Chloe kiss Chicago even though it had happened months prior, but nothing had ever transpired.

And for a moment, when Chloe lifted her head off Beca’s shoulder, Beca had thought Chloe was going to kiss her. And she wouldn’t have minded, not at all. It had been something she had been thinking about for so long that Beca’s heart began to pound in anticipation. Then Chloe’s roommate had let herself into the apartment despite Chloe’s insistence they were going to be alone and she had recognized Beca surprisingly quick considering Beca had only one or two viral music videos released at the time. Beca hadn’t been sure, but Chloe had looked supremely disappointed.

Focusing back on the present, Beca gazes at the familiar, yet unfamiliar campus. She had made sure earlier that there hadn’t been a completely strict dress code for the event and opts for a loose wool sweater and nice jeans (a memory of Chloe’s fleeting “those jeans make your ass look good” passes through her mind, but she pays it no mind). She buys a lanyard with the CSU name and mascot emblazoned on it. Just to add to the look.

She finds the student center soon enough. Happy to be out of the chill for a moment, Beca pulls her scarf down but leaves her toque on, keeping it tight over her eyebrows.

“Hey,” a voice calls instantly and Beca jumps because for a moment, it sounds like Chloe. But that would be impossible, she’s barely been there five seconds— “I know you, you’re Chloe’s friend, right?”

Beca turns to see young man, around her age, smiling in a completely nonthreatening manner. She vaguely recognizes him from some of Chloe’s social media posts, but she can’t quite place his name. “Hi,” she says instead.

“Did Chloe invite you to this?” he asks, sounding entirely too amused for Beca’s liking.

“Uh…” Beca isn’t sure what the better answer would be—yes, Chloe invited poor hapless Beca Mitchell to watch her get auctioned off and alternatively the implication that Chloe would need some pull from somebody like Beca which is dumb because despite the crappy dating profile on the website, Chloe needs no help at all; or no, Beca invited herself because she’s there on a mission. “Hm,” she says evasively instead. “Sorry, what was your name again?”

“Benjamin, but you can call me—”

Beca smiles. “Ben,” she finishes. It’s cute how much he reminds her of Benji. “Chloe posts about you a lot.”

“Yeah, we kind of…” he laughs, pushing up his glasses. “Bonded, I guess. She’s been a good friend. Helped set me up with my boyfriend.” He nods his head towards the door. “Want to come sit with us? We’re mainly here for the show and the food. Do you have your ticket?”

Beca blushes but tamps it down as best as she can. “Uh no, I was gonna buy at the door.”

He grins again, but says nothing about that. “Okay, we’ll see you inside. We’re kind of near the back. Turn left when you get in.”

 — — — — — 

 The emcee is fairly decent and Beca cracks a laugh at a few jokes. She has a pretty good view of the stage and she feels comfortable enough sitting near Chloe’s friends. They seem to take a shine to her and teasingly press an auction paddle into her hands.

“For an emergency,” Ben says, mirth in his eyes. And something akin to knowing, as if he knows something Beca doesn’t. She tries to scowl at him, but she misses that opportunity because Chloe is being walked on stage looking like—

“Oh,” Beca murmurs, blushing when she can feel eyes on her. There is no way Chloe can see her in the crowd because she’s sure the spotlight is bright enough based on Chloe’s squint and embarrassed smile. But otherwise, Chloe looks stunning, wearing a pretty blue sundress and white doctor’s coat. Beca blinks back the unexpected surge of emotion—not quite tears, but her eyes do sting a little—that she gets upon seeing Chloe in person for the first time in at least a year.

God, she had gone a whole year without seeing Chloe’s face—without having Chloe’s hands to hold and Chloe’s arms around her.

She never wants to do that again. She never wants to be apart from Chloe for that long, too afraid of her own feelings to push for something she knows Chloe wants as well. She had seen it in Chloe’s eyes over the past decade and more of knowing her. Chloe, her best friend and confidante—the person who most got on her nerves but also knew how to put her back together in more ways than one—

“We’ll start the bidding at fifty dollars! Ten-dollar interval minimum, please and thank you.”

There’s some cheering and laughter in the crowd from a group near the front. Chloe blushes again under the spotlight, but she flips off the group whom Beca assumes consists of people Chloe knows well enough.

“That’s kind of low,” Beca comments.

“You should bid,” Vlad, Ben’s boyfriend, suggests.

“No, I’m just here for support,” Beca replies distractedly as another person bids up to $100. Beca’s fingers tighten momentarily around the paddle before she relaxes and wills herself to scan the crowd as nonchalantly as possible. But before she can really settle down—

“Two hundred!”

It’s arguably the biggest jump Beca has heard over the last few auctions and the murmur that rushes through the crowd indicates that they think it’s something worthwhile as well.

Beca tries not to think about how she made two-hundred dollars in the first minute—probably less—of releasing her second single on Spotify.

“Two-fifty,” a female voice calls out, distinctly confident and self-assured. Beca notes that the blush on Chloe’s face is a little different now, this time a little shy and demure like she knows that person and is touched by the gesture.

“Who is that?” Beca asks quickly.

“Oh, I think that was Amelia,” Vlad says when he notices that his boyfriend is not responding. “She’s in Chloe’s cohort.”

But who is she, Beca wants to demand further.

“Two-seventy,” the same male voice from earlier counters, though with a tinge of hesitation.

“Three hundred,” ‘Amelia’ counters.

A pause. “Three-twenty.”

“Four-fifty.” Without hesitation. An excited murmur ripples through the crowd. Chloe’s hands are now covering her face, but Beca sees that she’s smiling ever so slightly.

“She likes her,” Ben says simply.

“Who likes who.” Beca considers this a very important distinction.

“Amelia likes Chloe.”

“And does Chloe like Amelia?”

“They’re friends.” He stares at Beca pointedly. “Like you guys are friends, right? So what’s a little competition.”

“But Chloe and I are—we’re—”

Beca finds she has no real justification, no real insight to offer because she and Chloe have been teetering on that edge of almost for so long that she has forgotten what it meant when competition came along.

Until Chicago.

And before that, for Chloe, Jesse, but Beca had been nearly completely blind to it.

And now this.

Beca’s hand is rising before she can stop herself. Her brain seems to shut down completely—the rational part at least—as her heart grabs the reins. It’s stupid, it’s archaic, but this is for Chloe (almost literally, but Beca will never succumb to the belief that this is any valid way to date somebody). “Seven hundred,” she calls out. Her eyes widen when heads swivel to her and she quickly ducks, pulling her scarf back up to her nose and mouth. She waves her paddle above her head, too embarrassed to see whether Chloe’s eyes are scanning the crowd for her.

“Holy shit,” Ben mutters.

“Eight hundred,” Amelia counters somewhere in the distance, but suddenly Beca’s ears are roaring with the oddest sound—like a chorus of fucking angels or something.

“Oh my God, the animals are lucky today,” somebody mutters somewhere to Beca’s left.

“A thousand,” Beca counters.

“Um—” Ben seems to think better of it and clamps his mouth shut, though he looks like he might laugh, or worse, smile at Beca. God.

“A thousa—”

Beca’s had it. “Two thousand!”

The shocked silence that follows is enough to tell Beca that she’s completely lost it.

(But she lost it long ago—somewhere between agreeing to join an all-female acapella group when she was eighteen because of that girl with blue eyes and a killer voice and that chaotic year that followed, somehow ending with her kissing the wrong person at the end of it all. No more of that.)

“Um,” the auctioneer has apparently lost all capabilities of auctioneering. “I…guess…? Sold to—” He peers over the crowd. “You?” he asks again, still unsure. “For two thousand dollars.”

Beca quickly presses the paddle into Ben’s hands and sinks lower in her seat, distinctly avoiding all eye contact. Those closest to her finally seem to catch on and she catches the faintest hint of whispers.

“Is that…?”

“No fucking way.”

“God, I knew Beale was lying when she said they weren’t hooking up.”

Beca tries not to think about any of that, suddenly very interested in the patterns on the carpeted floor.

 — — — — — 

  Beca i did something really stupid

Aubrey Yes, the auction was livestreamed. Chloe sent me a link.

Beca holy fuck could you see me???

Aubrey No, but thank you for confirming. Two thousand dollars, Beca Mitchell.

Beca is about to type something incredibly cheesy in response to the mild snark in Aubrey’s text, but she is distracted by Ben’s shadow appearing over her.

“Hey, so uh, you have to actually meet Chloe backstage. To set up the details and stuff. And they’re going to need a check or some other form of payment? For that two thousand dollars you just dropped?”

“Do they accept Amex,” Beca deadpans.

“Yes, I believe so. So now that that’s covered, shall we?” He holds out an arm for Beca.

Beca sighs and clicks off her phone, decidedly ignoring the very long paragraph of text Aubrey just sent to her (she caught words like “my best friend” and “hurt her” and “bear trap” so she figures that’s something she can laugh or cry over when she is inevitably sent back on a plane to Los Angeles).

“Does she know it’s me?” Beca finally asks.

“I honestly don’t know. You’re kind of short and I don’t think she could actually see you.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Beca says, feeling lightheaded.

“It’s going to be fine.”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t it be? We’re friends. We’ve done stupid shit before. She stayed back three years to just be part of an acapella group.” And to be with you, an annoying voice sounds in her head.

Oh, that was actually Ben. Who sounded eerily like Aubrey in that moment. Beca steps away from him.

He stares at her pointedly, pointing at the door.

Fuck, Beca thinks.

It is a simple study room and when Beca opens it, she isn’t expecting the space to be so small and so brightly lit. She winces immediately and nearly steps back out, but Chloe’s gasp is enough to keep her rooted to the spot.

“Beca,” Chloe squeaks. “What the fu—what are you doing here?”

“Hi,” Beca says, waving. Chloe continues to gape at her. “Hi?” Beca tries again.

Before she realizes what’s happening, Chloe is flying towards her and wrapping her arms so tightly around Beca that all the air rushes out of her in one fell swoop. She has enough sense to grip tightly at the back of Chloe’s coat, her fingers scrabbling on the thick, coarse fabric until they settle easily into each other like no time had passed before.

Beca sighs—literally sighs—like a disgusting teenager in love and she kind of thinks Chloe does the same before Chloe is pulling back and punching her in the arm oncee she’s at arm’s length.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“You seriously paid two thousand dollars?”

Oh right, that happened and was still happening.

“It was an accident,” Beca says instinctively and defensively.

“You raised the price by a thousand dollars accidentally,” Chloe clarifies.

“Don’t—don’t call it a price, like you’re…” Beca gestures uncomfortably. “Like you’re on sale or something. And I totally believe it’s your right to do what you want with your body and stuff because you should be allowed to have all that agency and—”

“Wow, Beca slow down.” Chloe grins affectionately. “Nobody’s doing anything with my body, not without my permission anyway. These things usually just end in a quick dinner or like. Laser tag or something. It’s never that serious.”

“I knew that,” Beca says quickly, trying to ignore her own blush at Chloe’s choice of words. “I just…I wanted to be…I wanted to,” she takes a steadying breath, “go on a date with you. And be your girlfriend. And do couple-y things. Because we’d be dating…as girlfriends.”

“You did?” Chloe asks quietly and so delicately that Beca’s breath catches. She tries to maintain eye contact as best as she can.

The air around them feels so heavy. “So much.”

“So you…” Chloe’s brow furrows. “Came to Colorado and paid two thousand dollars to go on a date with me? And I’m assuming you flew…so even more than two thousand dollars.”

“I…it sounds weird. I know. I’m weird. I just—” Beca heaves a breath. “I panicked, okay? I had this crazy vision of you ending up with somebody…with somebody else. That wasn’t me. And that sounds crazy jealous and crazy possessive and I have no right, but I’ve been thinking about you so much and I don’t know that I’ve ever really stopped thinking about you since that first day at the activities fair that entire fucking lifetime ago.” Beca feels winded suddenly and quickly looks up at Chloe with desperation. “I should have just…” she trails off, unsure.

She should have never let Chloe slip away the first time. Then the second time when she had the chance. When Chloe met her in the middle so many times before.

“Beca,” Chloe whispers, pulling her out of her swirling thoughts. “It’s…” She struggles to think of a word for a moment. “It’s okay. I’m not mad, I promise. It’s just…a lot.”

“I’m just so sorry because it seems like I’m always like…just one step off from you. And I just want to be on the same page. I want to be what you deserve.”

“Me too,” Chloe replies, reaching forward to take Beca’s hand. She doesn’t hold Beca’s hand however, opting instead to gently grip her wrist, her thumb beginning to trace soothing circles along her wristbone. “I want to be what you deserve too.”

Beca swallows the immediate protest. She lets it die in her throat because she knows Chloe is right—that they have so much to work on. But they can do it together.

“Things have been weird between us, haven’t they?” Beca asks quietly. She fixes her gaze on the “Since you came to visit me. And we…” she swallows. “We kissed.”

“We did,” Chloe murmurs.

“And have things been weird?” Beca presses.

“A little,” Chloe admits after a pause. “But things have always been a little weird between us.” A small smile slips across her lips as she uses her free hand to tilt Beca’s chin up so their gazes meet once more. “But I’ve liked that.”

“You have?”

Chloe shrugs. “Kind of.”

“We…we don’t have to go on this date, you know?” Beca clarifies, eyes flicking between Chloe’s eyes and her lips frantically. Chloe draws closer. “We…” Beca’s voice cracks. “Don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“What do you want to do?” Chloe asks, her finger still tracing the underside of Beca’s jaw and the side of her neck.

Beca’s eyes flutter shut. “I want to kiss you again. If that’s okay.”

“Do you…” Chloe’s breath is warm against Beca’s mouth as she moves closer still. “Do you…have another thousand dollars?”

Beca’s eyes would fly open if she weren’t completely lost in the sensation of both of Chloe’s hands coming up to tangle into her hair. She moans at the sensation before she can help herself and immediately closes the distance between them, their lips bumping uncomfortably for a second before they settle into a somewhat familiar rhythm. Just like that, with a hint of banter and the way their touches soothe each other, they settle back into familiarity—back into what made them work all those years ago.

Instantly, Chloe’s body seems to press into hers with ease. Chloe’s head tilts and her mouth parts and Beca just about loses her mind. She reaches up to grab Chloe’s shoulders with difficulty before she moves her hands down to hold Chloe’s waist while subtly tugging her closer. Chloe sighs a little into the kiss before she pulls back with Beca’s lower lip trapped between her teeth for a brief moment.

Beca shudders. “Unfair,” she murmurs, momentarily forgetting her own name. Chloe’s name. Amelia. Ben.

There is nothing but this moment, with Beca’s heart threatening to burst from nerves and excitement and passion and sheer joy at the feeling of having the woman she loves in her arms once more.

“Never wait that long to ask me out again,” Chloe teases, pressing her forehead against Beca’s. “This was like…weirdly romantic, but I don’t need you to drop two thousand dollars. No matter how rich you are, miss Grammy nominee.”

Beca tilts her head to steal another kiss. “Again? As in we’re going to have multiple dates.”

“If you play your cards right.” Chloe’s nose brushes against Beca’s lightly. “Not your fancy credit card though.”

“Oh,” Beca says because Chloe’s hands are tugging through her hair again and somehow her toque is on the floor and they’re kissing again.

She could get used to this.

But of course:

“Wait ‘til I tell the girls you paid two thousand dollars to go on a date with me.” She doesn't need to sound so smug, but Beca would be remiss if she didn't acknowledge how hot Chloe sounds saying that.

It isn’t an accident that Beca shuts her up with a kiss.

fin.

[nothingeverlost]

Donut (Penny for Your Thoughts verse, Rumbelle)

@halfwayinlight I thought I would have this up for Christmas.  Sorry it’s a tad late.

It’s a quarantine Christmas vacation

II

“I’ll see you after the new year.”  David gave her a hug before he left the office, catching the elevator with Graham and Emma.  They were all headed for his house, where Emma would pick up her son.

“Give Mary Margaret and Neal my love, and tell her that when she gets tired of you there’s always an empty room above our garage,” she teased.  Though it was a joke she would miss him.  They’d been sharing Archie’s apartment for months now, and though they both longed for their families it had been an interesting bonding experience, bringing them even closer.

Belle only lingered a few minutes extra in the office, leaving a few surprises in Ariel’s desk for her to find.  While the rest of the team was taking the month of December off, to spend time with their quarantined families, Ariel had volunteered to liaise with the team temporarily taking their place.  Belle was pretty certain the decision had been at least influenced by the agent in charge of the team, Eric del Mar.  The first time they’d met in the cafeteria Ariel had been so flustered she’d accidentally stolen a fork.  She still kept it in her desk, jokingly calling it her lucky dinglehopper.

With one last look around to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything - a month was a long time to be away from work - Belle headed for the elevator and punched the button to take her up to the lobby.  Her bags were in the back of the car; it was the first time since September she’d been home.  Not being there for Thanksgiving had been hard, but knowing she would get the whole month for Christmas had made up for it.

Archie’s car was in the carport, leaving her spot in the garage free.  Belle hoped he’d only moved out of her space recently; it was silly not to use it when she was gone, not that Archie would be driving much.  The sound of the garage door meant she couldn’t hope to surprise anyone, but it didn’t matter when the door opened and Claire raced out to greet her.

“Mommy.”  She was barely out of the car when her daughter jumped the last few feet, certain that she would be caught.  Belle scooped her up, hugging her tight.  She needed a million hours of cuddles to make up for missed time.  “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby.”  

“You can’t go in the kitchen ‘cause it’s a surprise, but papa said that if you’re hungry I should show you the cuter board in the living room.  Uncle Archie let me help with the crackers and the grapes but not with the cheese ‘cause the knife is sharp.”  When she put Claire down her daughter still stayed close.

“I think papa probably said it was a charcuterie board, but I like yours better.”  She had to guess that it was Archie’s influence more than Gabe’s, unless he had somehow discovered pinterest and been way more bored then he let on.  “Where is your papa sweetheart?”

“He had to take Donut outside so she could go potty.”

“I don’t think I understand.”  She tried to puzzle out what Claire might mean about taking a donut outside.  None of her toys, to Belle’s knowledge, were named donut.

“You will.”  Bay chuckled as he came out of the kitchen, a towel tucked into his pants.  He probably hadn’t grown at all in the past couple of months, she just wasn’t used to thinking of him as being that tall.  When he hugged her her head fit neatly under his chin.  “Welcome home.”

“I’m so glad to see you sweetheart.  Thank you for all the videos, they brighten my day.”  Bay had introduced the whole family to Tiktok, setting everyone up with private accounts.  The rest of the team now had accounts, and shared videos, but Bay and Henry were responsible for most of the sharing.  She was grateful for the multiple one minute videos she saw each day, and often rewatched, though Claire’s fascination with the fireplace had given her more than one moment of concern.

“Of course the damn dog would decide it needed to go out the moment you arrive home.”  The back door slammed, letting in a cold breeze, her husband, and a dog.  It was an odd looking thing that could only be classified as a mutt, with a reddish brown head that looked vaguely like a retriever and a body in gray and white that looked like it should belong to another dog entirely.

“Donut?” she guessed.  Her attention only lingered on the dog for a moment.  She was much more interested in the man crossing the room towards her.  Almost three month since she’d been able to touch Gabe was almost criminal in her opinion.  Someone should be arrested

“I can think of some names that would be more appropriate for the mutt but your daughter insisted.”  She couldn’t answer, not with Gabe’s lips on hers and his hands at her waist.  God she’d missed the taste of him.  And the feel.  And the smell.

“They’re kissing already,” she could hear Claire whisper loudly.  “Do they have to take a really big breath like when you some swimming under water?”

“Something like that,” she could hear Bay reply with a chuckle.

“Hugs are better,” her daughter declared.  Belle had to laugh at that, when the kiss ended.  

“I like hugs too, sweetheart.”  Gabe was wearing one of the sweaters they had picked up on their trip to Ireland last year, and the wool was soft against her skin.  She wouldn’t mind standing just where she was for a while.

“Especially when less clothing is involved,” Gabe whispered in her ear.  Bell elbowed him lightly in the ribs.  That wasn’t fair; it would be hours before they could have that kind of alone time.  

“So is anyone going to tell me about this new addition to the family?”  No one had mentioned a dog on any of their calls, which were at least once a day.

“She was sleeping in Claire’s playhouse a few weeks ago.  We made calls but no one seemed to be looking for her.  The vet gave her a clean bill of health and a little snip snip so it looks like we are pet owners now.”  Gabe groused, but couldn’t hide a smile when he looked down at his daughter gently petting the dog and whispering confidences in her ear.  “She certainly is more comfortable sleeping on Claire’s bed.”

“I thought we should call her Goldilocks since she was in someone else’s house.  Archie voted on Snow White for the same reason.  But the short one had the final say so she’s Donut.”  Bay shrugged.  “I’m going to go check on things.”

“Things?” Belle asked as he headed for the kitchen, where she wasn’t allowed to go according to Claire.  She assumed that he was helping with dinner; Archie had mentioned something about cooking lessons with Bay which was good, since Archie knew more about cooking than Gabe by quite a bit.

“Dinner, obviously, but I promised not to spoil the surprise by sharing the menu.”  He tugged her towards the sofas, where the ‘cuter’ board was laid out on the coffee table along with an open bottle of Bordeaux.  Belle sat on the sofa next to him but turned so her legs were across his lap.

“So you decided that a six year old, a college sophomore, and a full time roommate with his six computers wasn’t interesting enough, you added a dog to the mix?”  She and Gabe were both relieved that Bay’s college was still doing online classes, and Archie being around made sense both for Archie not being alone and for help around the house, but it was a full house especially when both kids were home schooling, Archie was working from home and Gabe was working on a new book.  

“It was snowing.”  Gabe was full of bluster, but Belle knew that he’d been thinking about getting a dog anyway.  In fact she was a little surprised it had taken so long, except that they had talked about waiting until Claire was old enough to have some of the responsibility.  Gabe loved on every dog they saw at a crime scene.  “She’s gentle with Claire.”

“You’re a marshmallow, Gabe Gold.”  She kissed him on the cheek.  “I am confused by the name, though.”

“It’s your fault, actually.  You know how she loves stories about when you were pregnant, and how much you loved eclairs.”

“I always love eclairs, I just loved them a little more then.”  And Gabe, bless him, had indulged her with early morning drives to the bakery, late night drives to the grocery store, and at least a few times special flavors overnighted from out of state bakeries.

“Most people would call it an obsession, sweetheart.”  There were no eclairs on the charcuterie board, of course, but he did hand her a cracker topped with brie and raspberry habanero jelly.  “You know how she likes to say that she is mommy’s favorite eclair.”

“She is my favorite.”  It had been a joke at first, calling her baby a little eclair.  She and Gabe had spent months debating baby names; sadly between the two of them there were many names that reminded them of cases they had worked and people they did not want sharing a name with their baby.  It was a nurse who had misheard eclair and thought she was saying Claire, and the name had worked.  She and Gabe both loved it.

“Claire reasoned that her favorite treat from the bakery is jelly donuts.  Like mother, like daughter.”

“You can’t fault her logic.”  Belle laughed, even more amused now that she understood the name.  “I’ve heard worse names for a dog.”

“Bay says dinner in five.”  Claire appeared a moment later, dog at her side.  Belle scooped her up, holding her on her lap.  It didn’t get much better than holding her little girl while cuddling with her husband.  

“Good, because I’m very hungry.”

“I’m very hungry too, and Uncle Archie made…”  Belle quickly put a finger to her daughter’s lips.

“Let’s let Bay and Archie have their secret for a little longer.  They wanted dinner to be a surprise, remember?”  

“I forgotted.  I won’t say anything, okay?  Papa says secrets are good sometimes like when Bay says something is a secret or when there’s presents under the tree.  But sometimes secrets make you feel bad in your tummy and then you have to tell mommy or papa.”  Claire nodded her head wisely, explaining back what had been explained to her.

“Papa’s right, sweetheart.  You should always tell mommy of papa if someone wants you to keep a bad secret.”  She hated thinking about anyone like that near her daughter, but she and Gabe knew too much about the kind of people that manipulated children.  They’d talked a lot about how to keep their kids safe.  “But this is a very good secret. Bay and Archie are making yummy food.  And we know it must be yummy because they’re not letting your papa in the kitchen at all.”

“Hey, I can cook,” Gabe protested, though not with much vigor.

“You cook more than you did when I first met you, though that’s not saying a lot considering I think you spent at least five years using nothing more than the microwave and coffee pot.”  While no one would call him a gourmet he could pull together a meal.  Spaghetti was still his most often made dinner.  Grilled cheese and tomato soup were a close second.

“That might be true but you could still spend tonight on the sofa if you don’t watch yourself.”

“That anxious to spend the night alone again?”  She raised an eyebrow, teasing him back.

“Never again, if I had my way.”  They kissed again, over their daughter’s head, only stopping when Archie coughed politely.

“Dinner’s ready.”  Claire wiggled down first. Belle was slower, but when she stood she gave Archie a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  

“We have so much to catch up on, Arch.  We’re going to eat so much popcorn.”  

“My tivo is full of things to marathon.”  Their online marathon dates hadn’t been the same, and David had no appreciation for corny sci fi.  “It’s been killing me not to watch Star Trek Lower Decks until you got here.”  

“I can’t wait.”  She followed Archie to the dining room, Claire holding her hand and Gabe right behind her.  Bay was waiting next to the table which had been laid out in all the best china.  In the center of the table was a platter of turkey meat.  There was cranberry sauce and corn souffle and mashed potatoes, gravy and rolls, candied yams and green beans.  It was a full Thanksgiving feast.  “Oh!”

“We didn’t want you to miss Thanksgiving.  Facetime Thanksgiving isn’t really the same.”  Bay’s apron was covered in a million questionable stains, but Belle didn’t give a thought to her clothes before hugging him.

“I didn’t tell, Bay.  Not even a little bit,” Claire proudly exclaimed.  Bay picked her up.  

“Of course you didn’t, Plum.”  Bay set her on her chair.  Next to her on the ground was a dog bed and a large bone.  “Before eating remember that this is only possible because Archie taught me so if anything’s wrong it’s his fault.”

“It’s going to be perfect.”  Belle say down between Gabe and Claire, holding both of their hands.  “I am so thankful for all of you.  My family.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #438

“i won’t let you die, keep you alive just to remind you of what you are not”

What is your favorite card game? Probably Magic: The Gathering, even though I'm not great at it. I just ADORE the artwork, mainly. Is YouTube one of your favorite websites? Yeah, given I'm constantly on it. Does your mother have a sister? If so, what’s her name? Yeah, named Kelly. What are you doing tomorrow? I'll be going with Mom to the pool at the gym. She goes Tuesdays and Thursday, so I'm going to start joining her to help ease soreness from my exercise days. Would you ever want to go to Africa? It's high on my bucket list! I am DESPERATE to visit the KMP and photograph and pet and pamper the meerkats. :') Last time you went bowling? Not since I was on a date with Girt. Would you ever want to own a bakery? Noooo, I don't enjoy cooking of any sort. I'm way too impatient. Do you like to text? It's funny, I don't enjoy it as much as I used to. I make typos too much and autocorrect only wants to work at the WRONG time, it seems. I'd still rather text than actually talk on the phone, though. You want your next pet to be what? To be realistic, it'll probably be a western hognose snake. I REALLY want a tarantula, but Mom absolutely will not allow it for as long as I live with her, lol. Trust me, I've pestered her about it. Would you rather be a vampire or a mermaid? Eh, probably a vampire. Do you prefer white or black electronics? Black. Do you like Nerds candy? Yeah. Is your favorite animal something you can have as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why you absolutely shouldn't, but it's sadly legal in some countries. Thankfully, not America. What was the last classic novel you read? Did you enjoy it? Oh yikes, I have no idea. Name three movies which have a soundtrack you really love: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, Tarzan, and The Blair Witch Project: Book of Shadows. What’s the scariest video game you’ve ever played? I know it's super cliche, but I genuinely found Outlast terrifying. As well, SCP Containment Breach is a game I can't even play because the jumpscares startle me too much, lol. They're just too loud. Do you own any pet fish? What kind of fish are they? No. I'm not really interested in keeping fish as pets. What is the most irritating thing that a boyfriend or girlfriend has ever done to you? Tyler wanted to talk CONSTANTLY. Barely even two weeks in and he got all bent out of shape over there being days we just didn't text. Like dude, especially this early in a relationship, I don't want to talk 24/7. He acted like we were together for years or some shit. Like sorry I want alone time. That relationship was just a bad idea. Have you ever known someone who was in an abusive relationship? Sadly. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Probably Girt. He's just in general very smart. When yawning, do you cover your mouth? If out in public, yes. If you had a garden, what would you plant in it? Would you actually tend to it, or would it wind up neglected & withered? I could NEVER maintain a garden, but if I had the motivation and tolerance for the heat, that'd be nice. I'd love mostly flowers, and a grapevine would be pretty! Plus some strawberries. Do you like peanut butter? Yeah, definitely. What about marshmallows? Yep. How do you roast your marshmallows? They have to be BARELY brown at all. Like it has to be the liiightest toast. Do you eat s’mores? Ugh, hell yes. I really want some now, thanks. Own a lava lamp? No, but I'd love a pink one. :( Or black. Own any sort of glow-in-the-dark room accessory? No. Ever done something sexual in public? No, I have common decency. Do you like the taste of squid or eel? I COULD FUCKING NEVER TRY EITHER. Slimy or rubbery stuff like that is such a massive no. Ever date anybody in middle school? Yeah, Aaron in the 7th grade for a few months. Did you like to get dirty when you were little? I think I did. Like I know I loved speeding through mud puddles on my bike as a kid. Own anything that has to do with dragons or unicorns? I have a lot of dragon decor. Ever wanted to be a vet? Yep. Ever written your number in a public bathroom or a school text book? If so, did anyone actually call you? No. What type of weapon do you prefer? Uh, none...? I don't like weapons. Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? No, not really. Would you rather watch a full season of American Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance? The latter, by far. I used to love that show. I really enjoy watching dances. Have you ever worn boxers? Pretty sure no? Last hickey was from? I've only gotten to that point with one person, you can figure it out. Have you ever put a kick me sign on the back of someone? No, that is so rude. Are there any inappropriate pictures of you anywhere? No. I've never taken an inappropriate picture. How many times do you tend to sneeze in a row? Two or three. Karma; believe or don’t? I don't believe it's a thing. I wish it was. Ever changed a diaper? Once. Or maybe twice? No plans on ever doing that again. When you see anything smaller than a quarter on the ground, do you pick it up? I don't even pick quarters up, really. Can bald guys ever be attractive? Um, yes? Do you like hugs? Yessss. Would you ever donate blood? Yeah, I have before. I'd just have to get better about drinking water so I don't faint. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Ever had the opposite sex over when no one was home? You make that sound so scandalous, lmao. Yeah. What is the last song to make you cry? "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? Yeah. Have you kissed someone with braces? No. Are you anyone’s first love? I don't believe so. Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? I'M LOSING WEIGHTTTTTT. :') The gym is paying off! Is there a person of the opposite gender on your mind? That's kinda a permanent thing. He's always there, even if only in the back. Who was the last person to wink at you? My cat, ha ha. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yes. Are any of your really close friends pregnant right now? REALLY close friends, nope. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? ... You know it's 2021, right???? This never should have been controversial. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? Well, there's caffeine... When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? No. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? I don't recall. Do you say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” in order to avoid offending people who don’t celebrate Christmas? I honestly just say "merry Christmas." Have you ever made/played with a sock puppet before? Yes. Have you ever seen a waterfall (aside from in a fountain or other manmade things)? Only small ones. Are you a frequent sufferer of heartburn? Yes; I actually have a prescription for chronic heartburn. If I don't take it, I'll get heartburn to the point I come near tears. How many different colleges have you gone to? Three. How much stress can you handle? Ha, not a lot at all. What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I'm 25 and feel like I've just... wasted so much, and I continue to. I never thought I'd make it to this age and to have gone so short a distance in terms of being a successful adult. Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? I've stopped being friends with people, yes. Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? It 120% is. Do you think you will die happy? To be honest... I think no a lot of the time. Do you like looking at pictures? Yeah. Are you a submissive person? Very. Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I do. What are your views on the death penalty? I support it in extreme cases. Once you prove to be a thorough monster that deeply endangers other humans... you don't deserve life. We as a society have to work together, not destroy one another. Do you like horror movies? Why or why not? Yeah! I like the thrill of them. Would you ever be able to become a vegan? No; I am FAR too picky with my food. I want to be vegan, but I just wouldn't survive. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had a whole story based around some plastic dinosaurs, alligators, deer, and Pokemon figurines. Who was your first best friend? What is your favorite memory of/with them? Are you two still friends? Brianna. I don't know what my favorite memory is... We made a lot. We're Facebook friends, but we don't talk anymore. Would you rather hang out with someone who is always high or someone who constantly wants to get drunk all the time? High, I guess. Drunk people I think get sloppier and, in some cases, angry. The (few) high people I've been around have just been chill and friendly. How did you meet your newest friend? I'm not entirely sure who I consider to be my newest friend. The last time you kissed someone, were your arms around their neck? I don't think so? I'm pretty sure I was just hugging her around the waist. You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get? I've mentioned how I wanna get my nose re-pierced in multiple surveys. Do you straighten your hair? No. When is the next time you will see the person you like? Who knows, dude. I really want to be able to walk for two minutes without feeling like I'm dying before I go to an airport again, and even more importantly, even as a fully-vaccinated person, I want Covid to chill out before I travel again. And who the fuck knows when that'll be since people don't want to listen to goddamn professionals. Did you get to sleep in today? I actually slept through my alarm and was late to gym today. :x Your first dog? I was born into the family with a collie named Trigger, but she passed when I was a baby, so I don't have any memories of her. We got what I want to say was a Rottweiler mix named Angel at one point, who I consider our first family dog, but she was born with that disease that some puppies have where they just... die. Who I consider MY first REAL dog was Teddy. <3 Stood loyally by my side as my furry son and most devoted friend for around 13 years. Do you prefer mint, citrus, or cinnamon toothpaste? Mint. Are you one of those people who are always cold? No, I'm always hot. Have you done anything sneaky lately? No. Have you ever had feelings for someone and thought “This is the person I want to be with forever”? Yeah, twice. Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Of course! Have you had a significant other that you never kissed? Well, boyfriends, but I wouldn't count the ones I haven't kissed as truly "significant other"s. Has anybody ever dated you only for your looks? I don't think so. Do you have any handshakes with anybody? Nah. What are you listening to? "Necessary Evil" by Motionless In White & Jonathan Davis. Would you take back your last boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Who is your favorite band? How long have they been? Ozzy Osbourne. Since middle school. Who is your favorite author? I don't have a fave. Do you like cheesecake? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH- How did you meet the last person you kissed? YouTube, back when it had more social aspects. Do you wake up cranky? Not usually, no. I'm actually in my best mood in the morning. Have you ever met your favorite band/singer? No, but holy fuck would that be awesome. I want to thank him for his music so badly. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)? Yeah. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? My old house, yes, but not this one. Do chickens have feelings? Yes. Have you ever been to a spa? Yeah, even though I really wasn't interested. I just went with Colleen because she invited me. I appreciated her wanting to hang out and include me of course, so I was happy to go, but it's not something I'd do of my own volition. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? The lemonade. Favorite South Park character? I don't have one, given I'm not interested in the show. How often do you have to shave? When/where I shave grows back FAST, so frequently. Ever go ghost hunting? No but omg I'd love to. Someone date me just to go do this together one night lmao. Do you have any family in the military? No. Can you talk to your mother about most things? I know I CAN talk to her about absolutely everything, but I don't always. Would you ever homeschool your children? If they wanted it and it'd be beneficial to their health and educational success, then yes. Are you afraid of change? Oh boy, am I. Who’s your favourite character from one of your favourite books? I'll go with The Outsiders, in which case I remember it was Dally.

[wellesleyunderground]

Pandemic Pregnancy by Jess Sirizzotti ‘10 (@JezRebelle)

Having your first kid during a global pandemic makes for a very weird experience. Though the much anticipated “quarantine baby boom” turned out not to be the reality, there were still many pregnancies that started, continued, or wrapped up in 2020-2021.

Being pregnant during a pandemic is about as isolating as you’d expect. Reduced immunity plus *gestures vaguely* everything meant that a lot of people grew a person in unprecedented ways. What I struggled with the most (beyond the overarching panic and dread of a world on fire) was that there was no benchmarking. I could have made it nine months at work before telling anyone, because they only saw me on video conference from the clavicle up. There were no hospital tours, no childbirth classes, no expectant parenting groups. 

Whenever you’re going through it, there seems to be no middle ground between dry, evidence-based medicine and projecting yourself entirely into the astral plane for communing with the ancestors. Here are a few things that helped me through my pregnancy, and some things I wish I’d known earlier.

Illustration Credit: Mercedes deBellard

Prep work

There are plenty of guides about how much you should have saved or what kind of physical shape you should be in. Some of that is helpful.

Oddly missing from those guides is “get a handle on your traumas.” Talk to a therapist. Talk to a partner. Talk to yourself in a diary where you ask yourself questions about what you want to carry with you and what terrifies you about having a kid. There are questionnaires for people donating living organs, and it does not hurt to say, “Hey, if there is a problem with ANY OF THE MYRIAD OF THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG, how would I work through those feelings? What are the boundaries I want for this process that will make me feel safer or in control?””

If you’re getting pregnant with someone who will raise this kid with you, get into it with them. Have very specific conversations about what you will do about parental leave, diapers, daycare, requests for tattoos from a twelve-year-old. My husband and I would read the Care & Feeding parenting column from Slate, debating how we would handle the conundrums of different letters before getting the “answer” from the columnist.

Also, get as full a picture of family pregnancy as you can. You might know your own birth story, but what about the other half of the genetics you’ll be juggling? I, personally, managed to mash up my MIL’s hyperemesis gravidarum and my mom’s gestational diabetes which has been...not a great time.

And ask *lots* of questions. I had pretty low-stakes issues making it into the world, but it turns out all my dad’s generation of siblings all needed to stay in the NICU. My dad had multiple full-body blood transfusions in his first days. That would have been helpful to know!

That said, what I was most shocked to learn is that there is no way to know what kind of pregnancy you’re going to have until you’re in it. Even if you’ve had a kid before—you can have wildly different experiences! There’s literally no way to know in advance!

Pro tip: you can’t know for certain what pregnancy will be like for you, but getting a broad picture can help it seem less like a cliff jump into the unknown.

Getting pregnant will take longer than you think

Once again, for those in the back, GETTING PREGNANT WILL TAKE LONGER THAN YOU THINK. 

For starters, you will need to stop not getting pregnant, which has been the focus of most young adult lives since your fertility started. I had to get my IUD removed and also get revaccinated for a bunch of things (rubella, flu, tetanus). If you were on the pill, it may take a few months to get everything out of your system. Then, you will do something to try to get pregnant and wait for two weeks. Whether it takes two weeks, two months, or ten years—it will feel like a very long time.

Especially because by this point, I felt ready to have a child. I looked at the calendar and thought, “Oh good, the kid will be X horoscope sign. They’ll have their birthday during the school year. Their birthday will be X year, and that will be easy to remember.” I made plans.

And then I just...didn’t get pregnant. And kept not getting pregnant. Every month of getting my period was so frustrating. I had charted my cycle! I had taken my temperature to figure out if I was ovulating! I swallowed these giant prenatal vitamins that are the size of a human toe!

Some people do get pregnant instantly, and many blessings on their ultra-efficient plumbing. Some people get pregnant when they don’t want to, and they should be able to have a choice about whether to have those kids. 

For most people, there will be a while between deciding to have a child through pregnancy and getting one started. It is happening everywhere, to countless people, and is one of the hardest, loneliest, most unintelligible experiences—made worse by the fact that people are shoving their feet into their own faces around you for the entire experience. You’re surrounded by people getting pregnant (magically! easily! with barely a whisper of effort!), people asking you when you will become pregnant, people congratulating you on not being pregnant because you can go out, drink, get really into aerial silks, etc. And you will have to not punch them in the face.

If you are under 35, most doctors will not even talk to you about fertility issues until you have tried for a year. That’s a minimum of twelve cycles of trying, twelve “I feel really good about this month” conversations, twelve pregnancy tests that say you’re not pregnant, twelve months at a job you may not like but stay at because they have good parental leave benefits or insurance coverage.

After a year (and after you get on their schedule) a fertility specialist can offer you fun adventures like getting dye injected into your fallopian tubes to see if they’re blocked, approval to shoot yourself up with expensive hormones (at home! with a real needle!), and any of the other amazing methods technology and medicine have discovered that tweak any of the multitude of handoffs that need to happen for a pregnancy to “take.”

If I can ask one thing, assume at least one person in earshot of your public conversation is trying to get pregnant and can’t—and be a little kinder.

Pro tip: get the cheaper pregnancy tests with lines rather than the electronic ones with words, because there are few bigger downers than seeing “NOT PREGNANT” month after month.

Find a practitioner you like

Because eventually, you will want to strangle them. It’s important to start with someone you like, so that the strangling phase will be late in the pregnancy and not a sustained hatred for nine full months.

Whether you’re pregnant or working with a reproductive specialist, having someone who listens to you will help. Some people cannot deal with hippie woo woo, some cannot imagine a pregnancy that’s all medical jargon. If you’re a person of color or want to have certain cultural traditions respected from the get-go, vetting at the beginning can avoid being at loggerheads later. Take some time to reflect on good and bad medical experiences you’ve had, and if you have options, choose someone who will not make you hyperventilate every time you have an appointment.

For me, I knew I needed a doctor who would not give me a hard time about weight gain. I have a history of disordered eating and (pre-pregnancy) was competing as a super heavyweight lifter, so am used to plenty of unsolicited opinions about my weight and what I should be doing with it. Pregnancy is fraught enough to take a single off-hand comment to an extreme, and I was deeply uninterested in negotiating an anorexia relapse while battling all the pregnancy changes.

If you have some time, shuffle up your pre-pregnancy appointments to get a feel for different doctors. I pulled up ZocDoc for my insurance network and came up with some finalists: had my annual exam by one, my IUD taken out by another, and my MMR re-vaccine done by a third. I knew my practice was right for me when the doctor offered to take all weight measurements patient-blind for the entire pregnancy.

Pro tip: think about what style of doctoring would make you feel better during this time, and give yourself the gift of one less thing to stress about.

Taking information in

Like the best of us, I enjoy a Wikipedia rabbit hole. I’m an especially good finder and am frequently tagged in as the friend who can unearth the secret Tumblr or yearbook photo of an elusive crush. I can find anything, and have a Jeopardy-level mental trapper keeper for bizarre edge-cases.

This is...not great for pregnancy, especially when unleashed on the “seems legit” constellation of mommy blogs. There are a million things that can go wrong with a pregnancy, and past a certain point, knowing more does not make you more likely to avoid or survive them.

Think of it like a fractal. Having the general shape of the tree: useful. Hyperfocusing so hard on one of the branches that you lose days in front of the computer screen, diving deeper into medical texts and unconfirmed narratives until you completely glaze over: less so.

Knowing this about myself helped me manage the unceasing amount of feedback offered by everyone from doctors to bystanders. I limited myself to one book (Emily Oster’s Expecting Better, which is wonderful), a doctor I trusted, and small doses of the Wellesley pregnancy group. I still couldn’t stop myself from reading every op-ed about miscarriage and stillbirth, but I was able to process them as things I was choosing to read instead of a compulsion I could not turn off.

Pro tip: really think about how much information serves you. It can feel like knowing every little thing will make you an expert who is ironclad against any malady. That’s, unfortunately, not how it works.

Sending information out

Like information gathering, you’ll want to decide how, when, and who to share information with. Having a pandemic pregnancy gave me a lot more power over when I disclosed than I would have had normally—I was sick as hell and it would have been a first-month discussion at work rather than a third-month one. It has allowed others to have entire pregnancies in private, only announcing when the baby has been delivered.

I found it helpful to think of pregnancy updates in concentric rings: my husband and I in the innermost circle, immediate family and some friends next, wider friend group and extended family, and then everyone else. I didn’t have to give minute-by-minute updates to everyone in the world if I didn’t want to, and a quick “Oh actually that’s private” was usually enough to keep any especially nosy questions to a minimum.

There were people who surprised me with wanting to know much more, and some who heard “baby” and unsubscribed. Both are fine!

Pro tip: if at all possible, curate a group of friends who are far from having first kids so that you can be assured of a rapt audience of “WHAT can happen??” Plus, at least one friend with a recent kid who’s very organized who can tell you what’s helpful to buy and what is BS.

Particular pandemic weirdness (good and bad)

While it has been lonely, it has also been wonderfully private. Some particular strange markers:

It is very odd to go from several months of zero physical contact with anyone outside my apartment directly into an intravaginal ultrasound.

My husband is going to meet our doctor at the delivery, because no one except patients is allowed past the lobby at our practice.

I will likely not need to buy any maternity clothes, because my pandemic outfits of blousy shirts and stretchy pants to work from home will suit perfectly.

No one touches my stomach unless I want them to.

Remote birthing classes allow you to snicker as much as you’d like from the comfort of your couch.

Things I did not know and wish I had

The way they count how far along you are starts from the first day of your last period. That is not when you got pregnant, but is the easiest way to have a consistent range for all patients (who may or may not be tracking ovulation spikes).

It is normal to have spotting-level breakthrough bleeding at some point during your pregnancy. The books will tell you this. Your doctor will tell you this. I am telling you this now. It will not make a damn bit of difference, because the moment you see blood, you will panic and be certain you are having a miscarriage. No one will be able to convince you otherwise until you get checked out.

Your entire digestive system slows waaaay down to accommodate a pregnancy, and is part of the reason for nausea. I had heard that you will need to pee all the time, but hadn’t heard that you will almost entirely stop pooping. And then once a week, you will crap yourself inside out.

The placenta can grow wherever it wants, including smack-dab over your cervix. This offends me more than I can say. That’s where the baby needs to go out! (C-section is required in these cases)

A cesarean birth is a horizontal cut, like an envelope opening and then they squeeze the baby through it. I always pictured it vertical, like opening a book.

Acronyms are a minefield on pregnancy forums. For months, I read posts thinking “FTM” meant “female-to-male trans person” instead of “first-time mom.” Don’t be afraid to Google to keep your bearings, but also feel free to create your own—DH can be “Dear” or “Damn” Husband depending on context.

“Morning sickness” is a misnomer. It can happen all day. It can happen for your whole pregnancy, though most women see a gradual decrease after the first trimester. I’m mid-way through my third trimester, and still throwing up six times a day. If I had known that earlier, I would not have tried to “stick it out” for as long as I did: cooking meals from scratch, insisting that pre-packaged snacks were for wimps. If you are sick, get comfortable EARLY. You don’t get extra points or a better baby for staying miserable, so you might as well lean in to Couch and Cheese Central. If it clears up, great. If not, at least you’re not already tired from trying too hard.

Around 4% of babies are born on their due dates. Do not assume your third trimester will be the length you would like it to be. My doctor has proposed a 37 week induction (because of all the sickness and gestational diabetes). While that is technically full-term, that news was given to me in such a way that low-balled the panic of being A FULL MONTH EARLY. As in, LOSING A THIRD OF THE TRIMESTER.

The baby is lower than you may expect—actual location is generally half-way between navel and nethers. If you’re patting the top of a pregnant person’s stomach (with their permission), you are far away from where the kid is.

There is no good news during a pregnancy. The best you can hope for is continuing to meet the baseline. I am so much more understanding of gender reveal parties, because it is literally the only test result that you can have an opinion about. No ultrasound or blood test will come back with, “Congratulations, your child is gifted!” or “They’re going to be so good at tennis!” It is nine straight months of finding out you’re high risk or not for sickle-cell anemia or tuberculosis. I stopped writing them down after awhile because it felt like every one was, “Oh damn, I didn’t even know we were still concerned about that.”

“Round ligament pain” is the technical term for sharp, stabbing pain in your groin caused by all the ligaments in your hips and crotch helpfully loosening to allow for gestation and birth. This can start as early as 14 weeks, which one would think is way too fricking early for it, but nope. You’d be wrong. The general recommendation for this is to keep your knees together, to which I say, “That particular ship has left the harbor.”