#the vicious cycle continues
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When I get off of work TRUST ME I’ll be finishing this up
#my art#street fighter#m. bison#vega#this man…has taken over my brain#art wip#THE VICIOUS CYCLE CONTINUES
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me, nodding off at nine o’clock despite every effort to stay awake and be productive: why the fuck am i so tired?!
also me, waking up at two a.m. for the third night in a row: WELP, I’M AWAKE. *clicks the next chapter of a 145k fic*
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god. i feel sorrow and im so ashamed of the things im sad about. what fucking ever i guess
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mouth on my tdick while you fuck me with the biggest dildo you have pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
#im cockwarming mine rn and i just cant keep my fingers off my dick#its so big rn its making me so euphoric#which in turn is making me hornier#vicious cycle continues#trans nsft#mlm nsft#transmasc nsft
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Interesting how Johnny depp donated his money to sick kid and environment charities instead of women’s rights charities like. Yea those things need funding too but buddy. Do you understand what you were on trial for?? Violence against women. You’re not gonna idk. Maybe try to amend that? Even for your image? biting scratching
#I’m gonna be honest i was on the fence during the heard/depp trial#my kid sis loves depp and i don’t like heard so i was teetering#but then i learned he made the trail so public on purpose and i decided FUCK THAT GUY#fuck the i have nothing to hide bs that’s not the issue#publicizing such a private delicate traumatizing event putting it on a platter for the court of public opinion to rip to shreds#nothing is accomplished by demonizing either party invoked in a dv case#stop letting people who are not allies dictate what is or isn’t feminist action.#demonizing a woman to prove you’re a victim continues the cycle of misogynistic violence#i don’t give a shit who beat on who or who won or lost#i don’t like either of them but heard was the victim of vicious and traumatizing psychological abuse#directly caused by depps decision to push the women’s movement back again by another 20 years#oofta sorry i saw a tweet ab it and got mad#still high posting :)#unapollagetic ranting🫶#ava rambles#johnny depp#amber heard
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hate looking at old pictures of myself like I used to be hot and at the time I HAAATED the way I looked and now I look back like I’d give anything to look that way again!! and the cycle has been going on for decades so you’d think I’d learn to appreciate my appearance now BUT YET
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Octavia's type is someone patient. Who can make her genuinely smile & laugh. Someone dependable & honest, loyal. Who doesn't care about her status, but rather her as a person. Who will stand by her, to make her feelings feel validated. To listen to music & say nothing for hours, to enjoy the pleasantries of each other's company. Money, status, whatever means nothing to her ; who you are is far more important to her than any superficial thing.
#━━ ✦ OCTAVIA * HEADCANON.#(( i know it's old news but#(( the more i think of it ;; she deserves something more serious#(( i just.. really adore her & her take on love#(( is she unwilling to love? of course not#(( but vicious cycles are doomed to continue regardless
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Should I end my tolerance break tonight or should I continue and see how long this can go on for
#full disclosure it’s only been two days#i’ll be honest kitten; daddy might have a fucking problem#look it’s not even… weed is not addictive. obviously#BUT i am not in the greatest mental state right now. i am not exactly a shining example of perfect mental health#i’m a 28 year old loser who peaked in undergrad and is a self employed freelancer BUT is too lazy to make decent money freelancing#i really need a manager breathing down my neck to get me to do the bare minimum or more consistently#i’m also super not doing well regarding 1) my dad’s deathiversary 2) my ongoing grief over mabel (yes she was a dog but if you say she was#‘just a dog’ i will come to your house and throw up in your walls DON’T DO IT. DON’T TRY IT. I LOVED HER)#and also just. the crushing weight of it all.#if i have edibles i don’t have to think about the fact i thought i’d either be dead or successful by now and instead i’m alive and mediocre#am i really supposed to freeball THIS reality. THIS ONE???#but then it’s like it creates a vicious cycle because is the weed making me unproductive or do i want the weed BECAUSE i’m unproductive#and it helps me forget that i’m a complete and utter loser. 🧐#listen i’ve gotten less done during this tolerance break than i did last week when i pretty much had a weed gummy every night#i’m not saying there’s a correlation but what i AM saying is it’s suspicious#i could continue the break until the weekend. that seems like the best plan#personal
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Just started thinking about my department and my program and now I'm stressed out again
#i have to pick an advisor. hell and death#i mean i have an advisor it's fine ig#but still. hell and death#AND i looked at the feedback email again and got stressed#which is 100% on me like i need to learn to have emotional reactions that aren't run away and hide in a corner#it honestly is overall a very positive letter like apparently my professors liked my essays and my thoughts in class#but there is the question of the absences which is definitely a problem and it's called i have undiagnosed somethingaruther for sure#see the issue there is that i need to get a diagnosis. and put in the work. and i don't want to do that ;-;#<- i do but it's just hard and my ability to difficult things has died a terrible death in the last three to five years#perce rambles#i HAVE to get better at doing things that scare me and/or make me uncomfortable. regrettably that is. you'll never guess it.#also a scary and uncomfortable thing. which we are not good at rn#and thus the vicious cycle continues
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This is basically Roth.
youtube
#Roth Kruger.#{{ TBH most of Roth’s issues come from magic. }}#{{ The solutions to those problems IS magic. }}#{{ Thusly the vicious cycle continues. }}#Youtube
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The vicious cycle continues unceasingly
#The vicious cycle continues unceasingly#the cycle continues#the cycle never ends#the cycle repeats#the cycle is endless#ausgov#politas#auspol#tasgov#taspol#australia#fuck neoliberals#neoliberal capitalism#anthony albanese#albanese government#vicious cycle#eat the rich#eat the fucking rich#late stage capitalism#fuck capitalism#anti capitalism#capitalist hell#class war#antiwork#anti slavery#fuck work#anti colonialism#anticapitalista#anti cop#anti colonization
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Crybaby Knives
I’ve been told that Knives is the true crybaby. So I’ll make a crybaby version of his.
It probably went something like this:
Young Knives: *crying because he got hurt*
Young Vash: It’s ok Nai, just let it out. Your brother is here to comfort you.
Young Knives: I’m not crying, and I don’t need you to comfort me! Leave me alone!
Young Vash: I’ll go get Rem! We can both comfort you!
Young Knives: NOOO!
Current Knives: *has tears in his eyes because he stepped on something sharp*
Current Vash: Awww, Nai are you crying? Is it because you missed me and that you’re lonely? Alright, let your brother comfort you.
Current Knives: *still having tears in his eyes* I DON’T NEED COMFORT VASH!
Current Vash: *sighs* Don’t deny it Nai, I know you need me to comfort you. You’re scared to be lonely and that’s why you’re wearing your security blanket.
Current Knives: WHAT?! I-
Current Vash: You must be so scared right now, but its okay, I’m here now!
Current Knives: *still crying from the sharp object in his foot* I AM NOT SCARED VASH! I’M- wait, what are you doing?! No! Get away from me!
Current Vash: Shhhh, let me give you a hug to make it all better, how does that sound Nai? Just like how me and Rem comforted you.
Current Knives: NO! NO! Stay away from me! *sniffles* Stay away!
Current Vash: *hugs him* There there, everything’s going to be ok now Nai, let it all out.
Current Knives: *struggling to break free from Vash’s grasp* NOOOO!
Bonus:
Current Vash: *sees Knives hurt foot* Oh no! Is this what you were crying about?! Don’t worry, your brother is here to help you! Now you get extra comfort! Isn’t that great Nai!
Current Knives: NOOOOOO!
#Knives refused comfort from Rem and Vash#It fell on deaf ears#He was then trapped between Vash and Rem hugging him#Vash has been trying to convince Knives to wear shoes#He refuses#And when they see each other again#Knives steps on something sharp again#And the cycle continues of him crying and Vash comforting him#it’s a vicious cycle#Knives is a crybaby when it comes to pain#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#Vash#millions knives
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starting to think maybe i should turn rbs off on that post actually bc im having heart palpitations now fdsjgjkl why is this happening to meeee
#vent //#me when the paranoia is Getting Bad fjkfdsjkl#its stemming from m.oral o.cd i think bc i am mainly worried abt more eyes on my blog and ppl seeing me frolic here#and the brain gophers have been insisting that i am doing smth horribly wrong and not realizing it#and the worry is that someone is going to see that and bypass talking to me abt it and go straight to making a callout post#and i will be sitting here with Zero Idea abt it#and continue hurting ppl by doing the Unknown Wrong Thing#but i also am not sure how that would happen bc i overthink literally Everything i post#if u see me put tags on smth that isn't just a simple ''ough'' or ''hehe yay!!'' i probably sat there for two mins making sure it was okay#running thru the words at every angle i can conceive of to ensure its not going to hurt somebody somehow fdsjkl#and this paranoia has been so bad the past few days. and when it gets bad then i get worried bc maybe i somehow have a guilty conscience#without even knowing !!! just subconsciously having a guilty conscience somehow !!#which ... only makes the paranoia worse fdsgjkl its a very bad vicious circle#anyways. i have been lowkey avoiding being here lately bc of this but i feel like avoidance just makes it worse#so . hrm. i just do not want to have more crying breakdowns bc i tried to figure out what on earth i could possibly be doing so wrong fsdjk#not exactly a fun way to spend time FDSJKL but ... what can ya do i guess#like i can't ask ppl ''hey am i doing smth wrong?'' bc thats. very vague. and subjective. and also i shouldnt rely on other ppl like that#but my brain is so goofed up that i genuinely cannot tell when i get like this sdjfkl bc i feel so sure i must be doing smth wrong somehow#so every tiny thing seems like maybe its wrong in a way i dont understand yet... ough#ANYWAYS SORRY THIS IS . NOT A GOOD POST TO MAKE. LOL. but i feel like this is the only way im going to bust myself out of this cycle#hopefully if i just Say that i've been really worried then if smth IS actually wrong someone will let me know#and if nothing is wrong then !! i can move on from this continual paranoia spiral !! maybe !!#i feel like me posting this is going to be a Wrong Immoral Move but fdsjkl rly trying to just. break out of it rn fsdjkl#dandyshucks
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oh boy! it's "what if I delete my blog" time of year again!
tis the season!!!
#the vicious cycle of#i haven't posted fics in ages so i get no engagement#i get no engagement so i lose motivation to work on any of the new projects i've posted about on tumblr#i continue to not post fics so i get no engagement
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my sister is paying me to do some of her assignments but the worst part of me, despite not being the student, is like what if I just…waited until the perfect time to do this
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okay this is like the 6th time a guy i'm interested in broke up with his girlfriend whom i inevitably befriended and now i can't hit on him because that would be betraying her...
#i should stop befriending the girlfriends#but i like guys whom i have things in common#so naturally i have a lot in common with the girlfriends too and we get along so well#so i'm like YES HELLO FRIEND#then this happens#this is the vicious cycle i'm living through#and finding single guys is difficult at the age of 31!#but i'd never hurt a woman who is already hurt#perpetually single life continues
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