#the vet says hes an ok weight which is good but food is still his primary goal at all times

[ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse]

Hate trying to look for info on how to motivate your cat by anything other than food bc even though he's fed regularly and is a steady weight he just genuinely refuses to do anything if it doesn't result in food or him being dramatic thinking he's starving but every site is like "here's how to put your cat on a diet: literally just a list of things I do already" like no, no, you aren't getting it I am trying to figure out is how to get him to play with toys rather than get mad and huffy that I'm not feeding him every second that hes awake and to stop him trying and eating cardboard to protest archie p l e a s e

[weebsinstash]

I'm actually so relieved I brought Allister in because one of my biggest fears was that he wasn't eating enough, because he would be slowly picking at his breakfasts and dinners and the portions, visually, seem small, and the vet let me know he actually gained a little bit of weight since his last appointment and that he looks and acts super healthy 😭❤️ I was so worried he wasn't getting enough food in his body but I need to keep reminding myself the portions of food he's getting now may not look like much but he's getting a lot more calories than he was getting before with the wet food, so even if he isn't licking his plate clean, he's technically still eating more than he used to eating his previous meals in entirety

It sounds like basically what the vet strongly believes this is is, he's just still adjusting to his new diet, because if you guys remember, he was eating wet food before, and uh, kind of portions that I found out were too small, like a 'he was potentially not getting enough daily calories' kind of mistake, so he's had this gradual dietary change of me increasing his portions over time, and on top of that, all the added fiber was occasionally giving him gas, but I can tell he's adjusting to it and it's a lot better now (he let loose some NASTY ass last night while he was in my lap but at least I'm not jolting awake in the middle of the night worried he's had an accident anymore)

I'm super happy because it kind of feels like. This is finally confirmation he's out of the red and he's going to be doing good from now on. I just have to make sure he doesn't gain too much weight and they told me a way to weigh him could be weighing myself and then weighing myself holding him, which I feel stupid for not thinking of before but I didn't realize that would work 😅 they said it sounds super good that he's having regular poops just with his cisapride and that it was totally OK and even recommended that I wasn't giving him stool softeners or laxatives anymore because that was just more stuff that could make him queasy, so I'm also glad I called that right

This vet in particular also said, sometimes certain animals are just social eaters and est better with company and I definitely see this in Allister (I think it's a combo of anxiety and being bullied by other cats in the past) and she says since he's in a single kitty home there's no need to worry about "letting him graze" and leaving his food down all day if he doesn't want to eat the entire portion right away and that some cats are kind of just "snackers" and that's perfectly ok

Oh and also oh my gosh, I could cry, so, there are multiple vets at this clinic, right, and the one I'm seeing today is one I haven't seen before, but. She's the first one to tell me she actually disagrees with the idea that, if Allister were to need another cystotomy, another bladder stone removal, that she disagrees that he would be too old to have any more. I know medicine can be subjective but I'm really happy to hear her say it actually wouldn't be entirely impossible for him to have that surgery again in an emergency, more so that the risk increases over time. It just really takes a lot of stress off my mind because these damn oxalate stones are like, the boogeyman waiting to pop back up again, you know? The type he has can't be dissolved once they're around but they're easier to prevent, so.... it's just. . I finally have him in this environment where i can get him the exact care he needs and I'm happy to know that he won't be taken away from me due to how my mom was feeding him before. I can finally, fully protect and care for my baby exactly how he needs and how i want to

They also gave me some tips on how I can give Allister this one powdered supplement he takes for his stones that I haven't been able to give him with his dry food. They say as long as he's eating his prescription diet 99% of the time, giving him snacks or other things that are outside of those dietary requirements should be fine, so there are things I can give him to put these powdered vitamins in like the squeezy tubes or pill pockets for cats, so im also really glad to have that questioned answered

Sigh! In a happy way, with relief. Having him seen today took longer than it was supposed to because they were so busy they couldn't see me until an hour after I was scheduled but the overall cost isn't anything at all and it brought me such peace of mind. I'm so relieved. I'm gonna go home and have a nice drink and maybe play some video games or something with my little baby boy in my lap ❤️

[chalkythetalkie]

[CW cat health talk]

Maurício is still failing to gain weight despite my best efforts (i cook liver and mash it up with expensive hypercaloric tinned cat food every single day for him, twice a day, and he also takes vitamins and appetite meds) and it's been lowkey stressing me out :(

He's doing ok despite that. Is still super chatty and affectionate, doesn't seem like he's in pain. His vet talked to me about treatment options for FELV and there's some promise in raltegravir (which is an antiretroviral drug we use in humans to treat HIV/AIDS). However, i'd have to:

1. Obtain it through the black market/import it bc all HIV drug distribution in Brazil is strictly state-controlled (all HIV treatment here is free. It's a good thing tbh! Every single person gets equal treatment no matter what because you can't buy it)

2. Get an international credit card

3. Shell out upfront costs equivalent to 2/3 of my residency salary for a few months' treatment. Which is something i can't exactly afford to do.

I feel bad for not being able to afford it. If it was JUST the raltegravir i could maybe do it. But there's their expensive cat food, cat litter, regular medication, vet visits/check-ups every 6 months... when i finish residency and start earning a "real" doctor's salary it'll be a possibility. But not yet. I finish residency in March and need to wait to be selected for the public job i applied to before this happens

I don't want him to die. I have a bad feeling that we're going to have to say goodbye to him a lot sooner than we want to. Victor is constantly reminding me that i've been trying my best to give Maurício comfort, and that it's not my fault that he's sick, but i still feel bad.

But i'm grateful that Maurício is not in pain, and that he's still a sweet little guy despite being so skinny and frail. I'm grateful every single day. Need to focus on that ig

[charleylhasa]

SAYING GOODBYE TO CHARLEY

Charley became very sick two months ago, shortly after his birthday. One month ago, the doctors said that we had entered the hospice care phase of his illness. One week ago last Wednesday Charley had his kidney levels checked. They were terrible. He was no longer eating or drinking. A week ago last Tuesday, we learned he had a very serious eye injury requiring lengthy and unpleasant treatment. He had been doing ok, all things considered, until Tuesday a week ago. But the 24 hours after that were miserable for him. We (the vet and myself) put him to sleep around 7 pm Wednesday, August 4, 2021. I held him and he wasn’t scared as it happened. He went quickly and peacefully. I spent a very long time alone with him before and after. Some of his friends and family called and texted to wish him goodbye. It was about as good as something like that can be. He was very brave. I miss him so much. My beautiful boy.

Charley was diagnosed with kidney disease about three years ago and we managed his disease with a low-protein kidney diet. Typical life expectancy at the time of his diagnosis was about a year and we were lucky to have over three additional years together, instead of just one. Although he had been slowing down a bit in recent years and still having adventures, our walks were becoming a bit shorter and our adventures a bit less wide-ranging. He also had arthritis, which he took canine CBD for.

Not long after his most recent birthday, his kidney disease started catching up with him. He’d been gradually losing weight as part of the disease, which causes muscle loss. He then started losing a lot of weight more rapidly and having mobility issues — sometimes having trouble getting up or sometimes falling down.

Two months ago, he spent two nights at the hospital due to his kidney levels and rapid weight loss. Two days after getting out of the hospital he suffered a stroke, but recovered. The following day after his stroke, he had two seizures within an hour of one another (the second was pretty severe). After that, he began taking an anti-convulsant every 8 hours. He also took a blood thinner to reduce the likelihood of further strokes, and blood pressure medicine for his high blood pressure. He took an anti-nausea pill to counter the nausea from the kidney disease. And he took an appetite stimulant (Entyce), which is what really kept him eating.

One month ago, his vet said we were entering the hospice care phase of his illness. She estimated he probably had weeks remaining, not months, but more than days left.

I began doing everything I could to keep him eating, feeling comfortable and enjoying the remaining time we had. He’d been eating, drinking, peeing and pooping. He needed my help to walk and stand as his mobility had become increasingly limited. He eventually no longer had use of his back legs, but could hold himself up with his front legs. He got to the point where he needed my help to do everything, including eating, drinking, peeing and pooping. He could move his head and wiggle around a little as well as move his front legs back and forth a bit as he lay on his side, but was unable to get up or move from one place to another without help. I gave him 100ml subcutaneous fluids daily at home. And he made frequent trips to the vet for rechecks and to make sure he was doing ok and to address any issues that arose. He had bed sores that the vet wrapped with a bandage, which needed to be changed every few days. The sores were healing. He was anemic, but taking a weekly injection to get his red blood cells up into the normal range. He’d been seeing a group of doctors at the veterinarian practice that he’s been going to his entire life.

3 1/2 weeks ago, he was eating very little for a couple days but we switched foods and he began eating well again and he continued to eat well until the last day or so. His weight started to stabilize around that time and he did not lose too much more weight, aside from some further gradual weight loss. Regardless, he was emaciated (just under 8 pounds — half his healthy weight). Despite all this, he seemed mostly content given his severe limitations. He did still enjoy eating, being with me, he liked being touched, having his ears rubbed, getting a massage and being stroked and petted. Even though he could no longer walk, I would make sure to exercise his legs every day. He also enjoyed lying on my lap and and being sung to, where he would fall asleep.

When he needed something, he would “talk” or complain with a grumble or an occasional whispery bark if it was more urgent. That usually meant he needed to pee, or had peed or needed a drink of water or something similar. It was not always easy to tell what it was that he wanted and it could take a while to figure out what it was.

In the hospital, one of the technicians shaved the hair around Charley’s face, which I was not happy about, but it was slowly growing back. He had also been losing his hair, which was coming out in clumps when he visited the groomer. So he may look a bit different in some of his most recent pictures.

It was very difficult to see him deteriorate so quickly. But until the last 24 hours, he still enjoyed eating, resting, and interacting with people. He didn’t try to hide or avoid contact.

Charley treasured your friendship and appreciated all the likes, kind comments and the fact that he was able to meet so many of you in person — some from all over the world and some more than once.

He loved you very much.

[swaps55]

Please, please, the coffee, number 48. (Having Citadel DLC flashbacks)

Wordless Ways to Say “I Love You”

48. Getting them a coffee just the way they like it.

A few minutes after Shepard gets home, the coffee pot starts running. Kaidan glances towards the kitchen from his spot on the couch with mild curiosity and a pinch of disappointment. Rare for Shepard to get back and not drop in for a hello before getting caught up in something else. Also a surprise that he’s still on his feet. He’s been gone since breakfast, dinner’s not far off and his bad hip just doesn’t last that long.

He almost gets up to go into the kitchen and investigate. Instead he sulks and goes back to his book. He might be a little grumpier about the missing hello kiss than he’d like to let on.

A few minutes later Shepard finally appears and sets a mug of coffee on the side table next to Kaidan’s arm. Kaidan looks at the mug, then looks up at Shepard. Shepard crosses his arms and shifts his weight to his left foot.

“What’s this?” Kaidan asks.

“I brought you coffee.”

Kaidan peers suspiciously into the mug. “Why did you bring me coffee?”

“You like coffee.”

“Did you make the coffee?”

Shepard makes the face he makes when he’d rather make another face but is trying to be patient. “Yes. I made the coffee.”

“Which brings us back to…why did you bring me coffee?”

Shepard sighs in exasperation as he picks up the mug and forcibly hands it to him. “It’s not me coffee, it’s you coffee.”

Kaidan inspects it one more time. “Is there cream in this?”

“Yes.”

“You never put cream in coffee.”

“Yeah, when I drink it. I made it for you.”

“Why?” Kaidan demands.

Shepard throws his hands up. “Why can’t I just make you coffee?”

“Because it’s four in the afternoon, and you never make me coffee. In fact, you take great joy in pointing out all the ways I drink coffee wrong, even though everyone you have ever met has taken away your coffee pot privileges.”

“You let me make coffee.”

“Yeah, because I love you, and we have a pact that you will never inflict your interpretation of coffee on me.”

Shepard’s eyes narrow. “How much do you love me.”

“What did you do.”

“Nothing!”

“What did you do.”

He grins. “I brought you coffee.”

“Sam—”

Shepard clears his throat, drops his chin and fidgets with his hands. “I also might have come back from town with something that wasn’t on the list.”

A million different scenarios run through Kaidan’s mind. Shepard had gone out to drop off a few cartons of the Cortland apples to the distributor, with plans to stop for feed, fertilizer, and some lumber to fix the fence where Echo had popped a board off because the grass on the other side looked more appetizing. That leaves a lot of room for error.

“Please tell me you didn’t come back with another horse.”

Shepard brightens. “No. Not a horse. See? It’s not that bad.” He offers a hand to pull Kaidan up off the couch, which Kaidan takes warily. Shepard grimaces as he bears Kaidan’s weight to haul him to his feet, but when the pain passes his expression becomes a font of hope. He hands Kaidan the mug. “Come on. I’ll show you.”

The crazy thing is, the coffee is good.

“Do you mean to tell me that all this time you’ve been perfectly capable of making a cup of coffee that doesn’t taste like motor oil?” he complains as Shepard leads him towards the barn, the hand not holding the mug firmly clasped in his.

“I’m keeping the mystery alive,” Shepard replies.

“You’re sure you didn’t come back with a horse,” Kaidan says skeptically as they walk past Echo’s stall to the empty one beside it. Except, it’s not empty.

A dog looks up at him from inside, floppy ears rising at the sight of Kaidan’s face.

“Not a horse,” Shepard declares.

A curved, shaggy tail wags hopefully. The dog is ash grey all over save for a splash of white on the paws and a streak down the belly that looks like a swipe of paint.

“You got a dog?” Kaidan asks, not sure yet if he’s surprised, irritated or disappointed he didn’t get to help pick it out.

“I didn’t get one,” Shepard says carefully. “More like, she started following me around at the feed store and refused to take no for an answer. She chased the skycar for half a mile on three legs before I stopped and let her in.”

One of her hind legs – the right one – cocks to the side at an odd angle. When she moves toward the door, wagging her tail more insistently now, Kaidan spots a knotted scar runs that runs from her haunch down to her hock.

Shepard opens up the stall door just enough to slip inside. He crouches down and offers a hand – the equine therapy has at least helped him develop an instinct for animals – letting the dog sniff his fingers. After a moment she licks his palm.

“Good dog,” he coos, scritching an ear.

Kaidan rests his arms against the stall door, subtle smile spreading across his face. “So we have a dog now, huh?”

Shepard flashes him a guilty look. “Depends. How good is the coffee?”

Kaidan chuckles and takes a sip. “Pretty good, actually. Does she have a name? Do you know anything about her?”

“Guy at the feed store says she’s been wandering around for a month or so. They’ve been giving her scraps. No one’s come looking for her. She’s friendly, just a little shy.”

“Likes you, though.”

Shepard grins. “So do you. See? You already have something in common.”

To hell with coffee. Kaidan’s powerless against that grin and always has been. “We should find a vet. Get her checked out. And we’ll need some food. Supplies.”

Shepard takes a deep breath.

“You already got stuff, didn’t you,” Kaidan says with a sigh.

“Maybe? Good coffee, right?”

Kaidan laughs, joins him in the stall and sits down against the wall, hand extended. The dog approaches, carefully, but not fearfully, tail wagging steadily.

“Haven’t had a dog since I was a kid,” Kaidan murmurs.

Shepard moves to sit beside him, sticking his right leg out with a grunt.

“You two also have something in common it seems,” Kaidan says with a raised eyebrow.

“Her scar is a lot more badass than mine.”

The dog, apparently convinced she’s in good hands, curls up at their feet and puts her head on her paws.

“She’s quiet,” Kaidan observes.

“She’s had a long day,” Shepard replies.

“More than one, from the looks of it.” Kaidan peers down at her, ruffles her ears. “Looks like you need a break, huh? Somewhere good and warm to sleep.”

She whines, wriggles a little closer to give him easier access for petting.

Shepard runs fingers through her fur, then hooks an arm around Kaidan’s waist. “So it’s okay? We can keep her?”

“Name one time I have ever been able to resist you.”

He considers this. “So you’re saying I wasted the coffee ace I had up my sleeve.”

Kaidan takes another sip. “Oh, no. I’m putting this newfound knowledge to good use. You’re fucked, Sam. You don’t know it yet but you’re going to spoil me rotten.”

Shepard nuzzles his neck. “Don’t mind spoiling you. Even if your taste in coffee is atrocious.”

The dog gets back to her feet, nosing at them curiously. Shepard rubs her head.

“So what should we name her?” Kaidan asks as the dog flops down and rolls onto her back, legs sticking out in all directions.

Ok. Definitely friendly.

Shepard tilts his head. “Mako.”

Kaidan groans. “Fuck your tank.”

“I loved that tank. And besides, she runs like it drove.”

Kaidan laughs and rubs the dog’s belly. “Ok. Mako, then. But she’s not sleeping in our bed.”

“Deal.”

~

Two weeks later, Kaidan wakes up to the sun streaming through blinds they’d forgotten to close the night before. He squints, grumbles, and rolls over into a wall of grey fur. Mako cranes her head to look at him, eyes wary as she gauges how long she’s going to be allowed to keep her spot.

“Why are you here,” Kaidan grumbles. “This is not the kind of cuddling I had in mind.”

She licks his nose.

“Sam,” Kaidan complains.

When Shepard replies it’s not from his side of the bed but the doorway, where he stands holding Kaidan’s favorite mug.

“I made you coffee,” he says with a grin.  

[annakie]

Patchy

A little under two years ago I made this post, a chronicle of Patchy, the outside feral, turned inside kitty who took ten years to learn to love being petted.

Today we got some bad news.

TW for pet illness under the cut.

Patchy’s always been a bit of a puker, usually oh, say, once a month or so she’d have a good puke for no reason.  I’ve had other cats that are pukers so it’s not that surprising.

In the late winter/early spring I started to notice more frequent pukes.

I’d decided around that time that I needed to find healthier food for my cats, with Leela, the oldest turning 16, Fry turning 11, Pemily turning 7 and Patchy turning, I don’t know, 12 or 13.  No way to really know.  They already got decent food, but I did my research and had started looking at Blue Buffalo, American Journey and Dave’s canned food. 

Patchy had been on a mostly canned food diet since she went to the vet back in early 2020 and had a bunch of teeth pulled.  Also, as a note, Patchy’s brief flirtation with hanging out in the rest of the house ended after like a month.  She and Fry fought too much, and eventually he claimed the rest of the house is his.  He also still thinks the master bedroom should be his, but, Patchy defends that territory well if anyone else encroaches. (The door just stays closed most of the time.)  I really wish they could have all gotten along, I loved having Patchy out, but both Fry and Patchy agreed it wasn’t going to work.

The food she’d been on was pretty junk-food-ish though, which she did love and eat. But I wanted everyone on more or less the same diet and the highest quality food I could readily get them.  So I bought a lot of cans of different kinds of food, and kept a list of which ones seemed to be hits and misses. (I still have a dozen cans of the kind nobody liked -- Blue Buffalo Wilderness Salmon -- I’ve been meaning to take to the city shelter).

Around halfway into this experiment I noticed Patchy puking more, so I decided to try to stick with her favorite kinds, which, I thought was helping.

But once I was fully vaccinated this year, it was time to get all the pets to the vet.  I noticed Patchy had still lost some weight, I thought it was due to switching around her food too much earlier, and tried to stick with the things I felt she really liked.

Then, of course, Leela got sick, spent two and a half days in the pet ER and almost died back in April, and then it was like... yeah we’re done being afraid of COVID, we’re done waiting.  It’s time to get them all their checkups.

My regular vet was doing COVID restrictions so no pet owners inside the clinic back then, so they took Patchy (and the others) in without me.  I thought Patchy had lost some weight, but Dr. B. sounded alarmed when he called me with how much lost she’d lost in the last year, about five pounds.  He wanted to do some bloodwork for Patchy, and I said of course go for it.  

He called back, sounding much calmer and was like “her bloodwork couldn’t be more perfect.  Let’s try switching up her food, get her on some sensitive stomach food and let’s see how she’s doing in a couple weeks.”

So two weeks later it did seem like she was doing better, I called Dr. B back and he said to bring her back in a month.

It was my plan to take her back next week when I had some PTO coming.  I admit, later than planned... my last couple of months have been mucn more focused on Leela... who, thankfully, continues to thrive.  But feeling like my time with her is running out, she’s been my main area of concern.

The last few days though, Patchy has really not been eating well.  Sometimes she does OK, sometimes nothing at all.  And then puking every day.  I swapped her back even to a few cans of the Junk Food (Whiskas) I still had laying around.  She’d eat it... and then puke it up.  And also she... stopped sleeping with me.  I thought... well, it’s summer.  It’s probably too hot to cuddle.  But she stopped laying on the bed.  She stopped coming up for pets when I come to bed and hang out for awhile specifically to spend time with her and pet her.  She runs under the bed again when I come into the room.  It’s like we regressed to three or four years ago... just two weeks after our two year anniversary of getting to pet her.

So this afternoon we went to the vet.  Getting her into the carrier sucked.  I tried nice methods, then I had to scare her into the closet by running the vacuum, and then pretty roughly grab her.  I have scratches and a pretty deep bite on my thumb which either maybe hit a nerve or is infected, may have to go to the doctor for it tomorrow. (Yes, washed it thoroughly with soap as soon as I could.)  I also hated betraying her trust that badly, but it’s for her own good.  But it was rough.

Dr B. wasn’t working so I saw one of the other vets.  I liked him. Also COVID restrictions are gone so I got to go inside. But after talking to him for a few minutes, going over her history and what changes I’ve made, he spent a long time rubbing her intestines (Patchy was perfectly behaved, at least.)   Then he looked concerned.  Then he said let’s do an ultrasound.

A few minutes he came back in and showed me her scans. 

Lymphoma.

I was a bit stunned for a second so I missed a bit of the technical speak he said next, but it came down to the best thing we could do is give her some medicine that may buy her more time.  It doesn’t sound like Chemo or Operating is even really an option.  I’m going to call back tomorrow and see if Dr. B or the vet I talked to can talk me through it a little better now that I’ve had a chance to digest.

If I can get Patchy to take the medicine, and if she responds well to it... she may have 3 - 6 months left.

If she won’t take it, or if she doesn’t respond, it’s at this point, a matter of her comfort and quality of life.  So... weeks.  And I’m worried about getting her to take the medicine, especially since she won’t even come let me pet her and we just had a huge trust betrayal today. I don’t know if I could take her spending her last few weeks hating me, especially if the medicine doesn’t work.

The vet also told me that... I didn’t do anything wrong.  And we did the right thing six or so weeks ago by changing her food and seeing if a few other things worked. Especially with how good her blookwork looked.  He barely felt the cancer today, he said six weeks ago Dr. B wouldn’t have been able to feel it at all.  And for this particular type of lymphoma... there’s not a lot to be done, anyway.  That made me feel better, at least.

(As a really dumb side note, after I got her home, I sat down to eat dinner and watch an episode of Star Trek to take my mind off of all of this since I’d been crying since I found out, paid my bill, and drove home, stopping at a drive through so I didn’t have the mental load of cooking.  And I’m in the middle of my rewatch of Enterprise.  I bet any trekkies reading this can guess what episode was next in my rewatch because yep I’m in season two and A NIGHT IN SICKBAY started playing, of course, so obviously I NOPED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT EPISODE.  For the non-Trekkies.... the Captain has a dog on board, an adorable beagle, Porthos.  The dog gets sick and almost dies and spends his night in Sickbay.  He does pull through.  But the ONE episode centered around a beloved pet getting sick and almost dying... and that’s the episode that fate decreed I was supposed to watch tonight. I did not.  I don’t know if I can watch it anytime soon.)

So now for the next few weeks I will spend my time being grateful that Leela is alive and thriving and pray she keeps doing so -- I will continue to give her extra love and care and attention, and also I will need to do the same for Patchy.  I can’t even do it at the same time because Patchy will not come out here, and will not allow Leela in her room. 

I am low-key freaking out that there’s the possibility of the nightmare scenario happening to me again.  In winter 2016, after months of being sick, I woke up on Christmas morning and my 16-year-old cat Jim had died overnight.  It was terrible, and traumatic, and I had to deal with everything all alone because anyone who could support me was... well, it was Christmas morning and my family was all out of town, too.  Posting about it on Tumblr... actually really helped me, since it’s the only place I felt like I could talk about it.

That Christmas was on a Sunday.

Wednesday morning I woke up to hearing my dog, Cebu, moaning in pain.   I rushed him to the vet, but whatever happened overnight, it was too late, maybe there wasn’t anything we ever could have done even if I’d been awake when the puking started.  The vet said the kindest thing we could do was put him to sleep.  And we did.

Also I just, JUST now realized that the vet who helped put Cebu to sleep was the same vet who I saw today about Patchy.

But I lost two of my pets within 3 days of each other.  I was very lucky that my job let us have the week between Christmas and New Years off that year.  I had a few days to pull myself together, and I needed it.  It took months to recover totally, though.  Every once in awhile I think about that week and I still cry, though.  I miss them both so much and they both had deaths that were less than ideal.

I remember thinking then “I have like, five years of reprive.  Leela will be sixteen in five years, and that’s when I have to start to worry again, when I have to be ready to say goodbye again.”

I thought then that even after that I’d have two or three years until Patchy would leave me, and two or three years past that until Fry.  And then five more years with Pemily.

Right now I’m realizing that I will likely lose Patchy, very best case in six months, but possibly before July is over.

I need Leela to keep thriving.  I don’t know how I would handle losing another two so close together again.

Patchy is... she’s the one who chose me.  I chose my other cats.  Fry and Pemily I plucked from the backyard when they were tiny kittens and brought them inside.  They didn’t have a choice.  Leela I adopted from a rescue, she didn’t have a choice.  Patchy chose to stay.  She chose to stick around when she realized I’d feed her.  It took years but she learned to trust, she chose to come inside when it was cold, when it was hot, when it was storming, and when she was pregnant.  She chose me to help raise the last litter of kittens she’d ever had.  (My entire Rescue Kitties tag is full of adventures in finding, raising and usually adopting out strays. Lots and lots of posts about Patchy and her final litter.  Been awhile since I’ve done it, though.)

I used to joke that Patchy was my roommate, not a pet.  She ate, drank, did her business, and kept to herself for a long time.  Don’t get me wrong, she was a very good, quiet, considerate roommate and I loved her.  But it wasn’t until that wonderful day she let me pet her that I felt like she was my pet. 

I loved having her just hanging out living in the house since 2014, but the last two years especially have brought me such joy.  I’ve tried to never take Patchy’s trust in me for granted.  It was EARNED.  Every small step forward was a milestone to be celebrated. I worked for every bit of trust and love Patchy has given me, and have been rewarded.  And it was worth it.  Every minute.  Every long, patient year.

Even now I’m telling myself... without me, she would have died years ago.  Probably violently, or starved, maybe frozen to death.  Getting to die of cancer brought on by older age is not something that most feral cats ever get to do.  Getting to become an inside kitty where she’s loved, and comfortable for the second half of her life was something remarkable, brought on by her wiles and will to survive for so many years, bolstered by the food I left out for her.  She’s had this much time, this much life, this much comfort and love that she would have never had otherwise, and that’s something to be happy about.

I’ve watched dozens of ferals come and go through my neighborhood throughout the years.  I feed them, I work on seeing if I can get them to trust me enough to let me TNR them, but even those that I have, I don’t keep seeing for much longer.  There’s one right now, I jokingly call him Patchy’s Boyfriend.  He still won’t trust me and never has fallen for the trap when I’ve tried.  But he’s there most nights when I feed him around 11.  He’s getting terribly thin despite the quality food I leave out.  I’ll miss him.

But none of them were Patchy.  None of them became what she is to me. None of them survived long enough to adapt and decide to live another life.

Also?  I wouldn’t have Pemily without her.  Pemily is literally Patchy’s Granddaughter and that is one more thing I love Patchy for.

I feel guilty sometimes, both because I don’t spend nearly enough waking hours with her I feel, but I have three others who need me, as well. One who’s time is growing short, as well.  And they don’t get to sleep with me, she does.  What a joy it was all winter when I would wake up and she’d be sleeping on my chest.  I’d get a bit annoyed when she’d sleep with her backside to my face and her tail would tickle my face and wake me up.  I’m a side-sleeper half the night and she hated that it was harder to get comfortable on me that way.  She still doesn’t want to have my hand just stay on her, she wants pets and skirtches, no long-form touching.  That’s ok.  I sleep better with her weight on me.

I don’t know what the next few weeks or months will hold, but at least pet-wise, it’s going to be rough.  I’m going to wrap this up and give these three out here a good pet, then go hope Patchy comes and asks for love, too.  Tomorrow is one more day with all four of them, and for that, I’ll be grateful, for every remaining day.

[nonsensicalobsessions]

A Ruff Day

Author’s Note:

@catsladen wrote: Congrats my dear on your followers! That is amazing and so well deserved! Here’s a conversation prompt I found that I think you can do magic with: Person A: Why are you doing that? Person B: Doing what? Person A:Treating me like a person I picture either Tom or Loki, but I leave that up to you 😊 No smut necessary. Some fluff/angst mixture would be nice (Fangst? Anuff?) Thank you lovely!

After I wrote about having my lovely followers, Life came around and bit me, in the ass, hard. I was left with a large set of dentition marks and a massive infection known as “depression” in its wake. I say this because I know I’ve pretty much fallen off the face of Tumblr, and I am still clawing my way back. I do not have it nearly as bad as some, but I have it bad enough, and I will leave it at that.

When the events that I write about next happened in real life, I could not stop thinking about them, having worked in a veterinary hospital for three memorable years, and I ran the events through my head, over and over. I could see the events as they could have played out...might have played out...most probably played out in some aspects...and then this plot took root, and would not let go.

So, I apologize, @catsladen, for this is not the most original piece that I have ever come up with...in fact, it is derivative, and some may see it as a cheap rip off on a very real event. Still, it will not let me go, and as such, here it is. I present to you, A Ruff Day.

Working on federal holiday weekends in an emergency vet hospital always either dragged, or were so busy I could neither eat nor pee. Today seemed to be the former, and I was grateful for it. The techs were scattered around doing their busy work, while I closed myself in my office, tossing an oversized tennis ball in the air and catching it as I balanced on the back legs of a chair. I’ve done all my charting, there are no patients for me to check on. The last one through the door was a bulldog that came too close to a honeybee, and his already bulbous face swelled grotesquely. A shot of antihistamine, a script of Benadryl, then he and owner went off, right as rain. The airway was never compromised, all’s well that ends well...except for the bee, of course.

Kellie Ashe, one of the techs, came racing into the office without knocking, breathless. “You will no ever guess what is going on at intake!”

I jumped up, grabbing my stethoscope and mask (Thank you COVID) as I glared at her, “What is it and where is your mask?” The laws were quite clear, and stringent on this, and she had no mask on...and what was that twit doing? Brushing her hair and putting on eye makeup, what...? “Kellie! Focus! What is happening? Is it a hit and run, a delivery presenting badly...dog or cat...” I swear this girl has the brain of a flea...

“Tom Hiddleston is here with his dog!”

I look at her blankly. Nothing registered with me except one word—dog. “Kellie, what is wrong with the animal?” I asked, rushing to turn on the lights in the OR, making sure the X-ray machines were on and warmed up, the ultrasound is also on, and proceeding to the exam rooms, turning the lights on in one.

“It’s my turn to be the assisting tech so I ran back here to make sure you knew, it’s my turn not Claire’s, so I get to be the one in the room with you and Tom...”

I stop and freeze her with a glare. “Kellie, I don’t know what in the hell you’re blabbering about, but so far you have given me no information that has been useful to me. Therefore, there is no reason for you to be anywhere around me, the patient, or the owner. You can wait in the back.”

“What? But no...! I’m the one that ran back to tell you, I’m the one that should get to be in the....”

“If you were concerned with the animal you’d be there right now, but no, you were more interested in putting on mascara for chrissakes...get in the treatment room, I don’t even want to see you right now!”

I came to the front area to see a tall man, obviously the owner, who was obviously in a great deal of distress. “I don’t know how many he had..maybe one? It could have been two? And I don’t know if he chewed them, or swallowed them whole...” His voice was muffled by the mask we kept on hand to give to owners as they came in without masks, as they usually did, upset and stressed. Bright flowers covered the lower half of his face, but as I looked at his bright blue eyes, I finally understood what got Kellie in such a tizzy, and why there was an element of suppressed excitement that our usual emergency walk ins did not produce.

Next to him was a calmer woman, who was filling out some of the paperwork, and occasionally passing it to him to sign or for more information. “Tom, I really think it was only the one, and this is a bit over the top. One raisin isn’t worth all this...”

“A raisin, did you say?” My attention was now completely trained on the sad eyed chocolate spaniel at the feet of Claire Peyton, one of the calmest and best techs we had. She had already gotten a temperature and a weight from the little fellow, and was gently guiding the dog and owner into an exam room, while Liz, the receptionist, was explaining to the woman with the clipboard she could not follow us in because of the current COVID restrictions we were under. Only the owner was allowed in the exam room, because of the laws about remaining so many feet apart...and the worst part was, we couldn’t even allow her to wait in the interior waiting room, but she was welcome to stay on the screened porch we were using at the moment. She wasn’t thrilled, but she was accepting.

I quietly introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Dr. Diana Harris, and I’ll be helping...” “Bobby,” the man said quietly. “This is my...Bobby.”

“Okay Bobby, come here and let me look at you, you scoundrel...stealing raisins, are we? When did this happen, Dad?”

“Tom,” he said, distracted. “About ten minutes ago...maybe twenty. I saw that he was snuffling around the plate, and all the biscuits were gone...so were the little cheese squares...and there had been five raisins before, I am sure of it, and when I picked everything up, I only saw four...”

“Very precise,” I noted mildly as I listened to Bobby’s heart and lungs, which were both within normal limits, and made a hand motion for Claire to make a note of it.

“What’s that, that hand signal, what did that mean?” Oh, wow. Tom is very, very upset.

“It’s a signal I’ve developed with my techs to let them know that the patient’s heart and lungs are fine without having to take the time to say it, Tom,” I reply, keeping my life low and mild. The owner’s agitation is passing along to the little spaniel, who is looking around and panting.

“He keeps doing that, he’s panting and looking upset, is he in pain?”

“Claire, liquid charcoal according to weight please,” I murmur, and she promptly replied, “On it,” and she excused herself to open the door...only to find Kellie standing there, clearly eavesdropping. The look I gave Kellie had her scampering...but oh, it will not be far enough. Luckily, Tom did not notice.

“Okay, Tom, here’s how it stands.” I leaned against the exam table, Bobby quivering in Tom’s arms. “You did exactly the right thing bringing Bobby here, and so quickly. Raisins are extremely toxic to dogs, and the fact you got him here so fast really speaks to how much you care about this little guy...so give yourself some credit...”

“I told her...I told her I didn’t want them around where he could get to them...the Bobster is a bit of a food thief,” he muttered.

“Ok, so you’re telling me he’s a dog,” I drily replied. “Anyway, we’re going to take care of this issue right now. I’m going to take Bobby to the back and...”

“Oh no, can’t I go with him?”

Somehow, I saw this being his response. “Tom, we are going to give him some liquid charcoal. It looks like black sludge and it tastes like garbage. He isn’t going to want to take it so we are going to administer it in a way that he will have no choice but to swallow it, but there will most likely be some spluttering. This stuff is a bear and a half to get out of clothes so you do not want to be within spitting radius...and then this little charmkins, after he gives us a horrible stink eye, is going to proceed to vomit, probably in the messiest manner possible, just for spite and revenge, and I don’t blame him one bit. Again, you do not want to be in range! Then depending on what he gives me back, we can go from there. So no, I think it best you stay here...you can wait with your girlfriend, if you want, and I will be right back when I have something to tell you. I promise we aren’t going to hurt him, but we have to get this out, right away.”

“Right, right...don’t waste time talking to me...I’ll just...sit here, if that’s okay.” 

“As you wish, Tom.”

I took the leash from his hand gently. His hands were so cold, I felt pity for him. “I’ll take good care of him, I promise,” I said, and left him standing there, bereft.

Bobby walked with me well enough, and I took him to the treatment area to find Claire had already drawn up the appropriate amount. She quickly got the dog in the appropriate position, and I propped his mouth open carefully and quickly administer the liquid yuck and then closed my hand over his muzzle, blowing softly to stimulate the swallowing reflex. His eyes bulged at the foul concoction, and I tenderly explained,”Ah, such are the wages of sin, my dear thief...and it tastes like ass. Down the hatch...” He swallowed, and I gave Claire the unspoken head nod to release him and step back, which she did...as did I...and Bobby, outraged at this poor treatment, proceeded to sputter and spit like a world champion. Black froth went everywhere, and I couldn’t help but laugh at his outraged expression. “Yes Bobby, that’s right. But I’m sorry, it’s going to get much worse before it gets better...”

After a few minutes, he aggrieved expression turned into the anxious canine smile that presaged a good vomiting session, which was exactly what we wanted. I let him pace about in a small area, until finally he let nature take its course and released the contents of his stomach. Ah, joy, what every veterinarian struggled and sweat blood for, the contents of a dog’s stomach...or a cat, we’re not picky...and hey, I’ll take that over shit, any day...

“Good boy, there’s a good boy,” I soothed him as he retched. He was as miserable as you’d expect, and I kept smoothing my hand over his heaving flanks. I didn’t care about my shoes, they were already black, and just for this reason. Soon I saw a lone offender, and I called for a pair of tweezers to pluck it from the mess and place it on a paper towel. Claire was also consoling the sad little fellow, who was, I hope, reconsidering his evil ways, as I then took a tongue depressor and poked through everything he so woefully bestowed upon us. Yep, cheese...chewed up crackers...mmm, that sausage looked like it was probably expensive...but no other raisins. Just the one. Plus, it hadn’t been chewed, either, excellent! Best of all, it was caught up in all this other stuff. Perfect. Couldn’t ask for better, really.

“Kellie!” I called out. When she didn’t appear right away, my heart sank and my anxiety rose. She wasn’t...she didn’t...

“Hold the leash,” I barked and walked swiftly back to the exam room, and sure enough, I heard her syrupy tones inside...I saw red.

I opened the door carefully, to find her talking to Tom who was standing in almost a corner while she was yapping away. I must have had a look on my face like an avenging goddess, because she immediately began stammering, “I just thought...I could stay and keep Tom company...while you were working with Bobby...”

“Stop thinking, Kellie, it only gets you into more trouble, and it probably strains the gerbils,” I replied softly. “I have a job for you. In the back treatment area. Where I told you to be. Go there. Now.”

She turned towards Tom and said, “So, um...”

“NOW.”

She jumped and scuttled away like a crab facing a boiling pot. Oh, sister...

Tom was blushing and looking at his feet. “It happens all the time. Please don’t be too angry with her...how is Bobby?”

“Bobby is doing excellently and is a trooper. I will be back with you in just a moment. Just...give me a second.”

I flew to the back to find Kellie cowering in a corner. I took a deep breath, and spoke very, very quietly. “You are on such thin ice with me that if you so much as open your mouth, the displaced oxygen pressure will crack the ice and you. Will. Drown. Now. You are going to clean up all of this lovely mess to a surgical grade sterility. I will want to perform open heart surgery on this floor when you are finished. Are we quite clear? Nod if you understand me, Kellie, because you are on such. Thin. Ice.”

Kellie looked around here with dismay. It really was a disgusting mess, and she knew I was going to get down on my hands and knees and inspect the wretched baseboards before all was said and done. I was that pissed.

Claire asked quietly as we walked away, “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t think he absorbed anything. Tom acted too fast, the raisin wasn’t in any way chewed or showing signs of digestion, and it was mixed up with everything else. But pull blood for a CBC-SMAC so we can have a baseline for his kidney values just in case. Better safe than sorry. And then clean up this sad little urchin. I hope you understand now, young man, that crime does not pay...” He looked positively desolate, with his muzzle coated in the foul substance he had to drink and then give back. Activated charcoal really is the worst.

“I’ll make him presentable again. Back in a few.”

I took a deep breath and went to apologize to Tom. Oh, this was going to be fun...

I found him pacing the tiny room, looking at the posters instructing about heartworm prevention and feline leukemia vaccines. “Tom, I really must apologize...”

“No, you don’t. She’s young. It happens all the time,” he tried to brush it off.

“Not when I’m in this hospital, it doesn’t. I’d already given her explicit instructions because she was star-struck, and I will not have it. When someone comes in our door, I don’t care who is on the end of the leash, or holding the carrier. It is irrelevant. What matters is the animal. I give the same treatment and quality of care to the cat from the post office as...well...”

“The dog of some poncy actor,” he concluded wryly.

“Hey, I kinda like some of that poncy actor’s work, so less of that,” I griped, as I blushed and rubbed my forehead, mainly to hide my embarrassment. “Bobby came through wonderfully, and you were right, it was only one raisin...and some crackers, cheese, and what looked like some tasty cold cuts as well. What is great is the raisin wasn’t bitten into or showing any signs of digestion, and as it was caught up in his other ill gotten gains, I think it is safe to say he really got lucky...that, and the fact you acted so quickly. Normally, we’d be talking about having to administer fluids, and have him stay at least overnight to make sure his kidneys were not showing any adverse effects...yes, it is that serious. Especially for a little fellow of Bobby’s size. But he should be fine. I want you to make sure he has access to lots of water. I am having a full blood panel pulled to get a baseline of his kidney values now but that is really just a precaution for when you bring him back to his regular veterinarian...”

“You can’t see him again? He hasn’t needed a vet since we’ve arrived, and I never anticipated having to stay as long as we have...but what if he gets sick, or needs his vaccines updated, can’t we come back here...?”

“Tom, this is an emergency vet hospital, I’m only here on the off hours. My clinic is...well, not here,” I floundered.

“May I have your card, then? I’d really like for you to keep overseeing him...continuity of care, you know,” he trailed off.

“Uh, sure...” I fished one out of my lab coat pocket and gave him one. He looked at it and said, “What should I be looking for, what if he starts getting ill again?”

“Tom, I really don’t think...”

“I can bring him back here, I suppose, I just want to know what symptoms...you said kidney damage...”

“Tom, kidney damage isn’t something you can readily observe...”

“But what if he starts getting that look again, and starts pacing, maybe he’s in pain and can’t tell me...”

“Tom.” He stopped rambling and I held my hand out for my card. Like a child, he held it to his chest. “No, please, I’ll stop...”

“Just give me the damn card, will ya?” I all but yanked it out of his hand, and wrote something on the back. “That is my private cell number. Do not call it, ever! I hate phone calls! Text me. I promise I will lose the cell number you send it from. If you have any questions you can send me video or photos or whatever. Text me...whenever. But keep in mind he picks up on your cues and if you are nervous, he gets nervous. If you are excited, he gets excited.”

He looked at it incredulously, and before he could protest, I waved it off. “Just don’t...I did the same thing for Mr. Puddles.”

“Mr. Puddles,” he repeated dumbly.

“The post office cat...urinary tract infection...anyway.”

Those bright blue eyes stopped staring at the floor impaled me, and said abruptly, “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Treating me like a person.”

I looked at him steadily and replied, “Because to me, that’s what you are...you’re Bobby’s person. And...well, I know you probably weren’t supposed to stay here this long. You most likely want to go home, be with your family, what is familiar, and god knows what you are living in, some hotel or something suitably sterile...Right now, we all want to hold onto our loved ones a little bit tighter, a little bit closer. I can tell that for you, that’s Bobby. You love him a lot, and take great care of him, even to taking him to an emergency vet on a holiday weekend when the weather is gorgeous and your girlfriend says maybe you could just stay home.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Huh?” Such was my elegant reply.

“No, she’s wonderful, and we’re very close, but it’s not...we’re not...”

I hold my hands up in the air. “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything to me...”

 “No I just, erm...”

We spent time admiring the floor when Claire came back, with Bobby cleaned and even faintly smelling of grooming spray, as well as being freshly brushed. 

“Bobby!” Tom cried out, and even though I could not see his smile, I could hear it in the real joy in his voice. Bobby wriggled his behind and danced as he all but leapt into his master’s...excuse me, person’s arms.

“Well, that should settle everything,” I smiled.

“Just a moment.”

I looked up at Tom, confused. He sounded almost stern.

“I think Bobby and I could use some photographs to commemorate the great care that he received here...for our scrapbook.”

“Scrapbook? Really, Tom?”

“Instagram,” he immediately amended.

The buzz that went through the building, I swear was palpable. Of course, I even allowed Kellie to get in the photo, because I am not that bad...and if her scrubs were stained with dog vomit, well, you couldn’t really see. Much. And of course we all had to keep our masks on, so I personally thought it was the dumbest idea I’d heard in a long time, but I wasn’t going to go against the idea. I might have found three of my tires slashed and my favorite coffee mug broken, if I had...and I really like that mug, plus tires are not cheap.

Everyone took their photos, hugged Bobby, gave Tom an elbow bump, and he, Bobby and Not-Girlfriend went on their way...then I went back to my office, made sure everything was documented, and went back to my oversized tennis ball.

I thought everything was over. I could not help was smiling, despite myself. Not too shabby of a way to spend a holiday weekend, making a movie star dog’s throw up...this is why I went through all those years of school, I laughed at myself as I sat down with my frozen pizza and lemonade. I even made a bag of popcorn.

Then, at about ten o’clock, my phone buzzed. I picked it up, expecting it to be my mother, who sometimes forgot about this thing called “time zones” since she moved to Arizona...

Instead, there was a photo of a happy, smiling man, without a mask, and his happy, smiling dog. A text read, “To my favorite doc: Thanks again for helping me. Telling dad all about how the wages of sin taste like ass.”

I winced. I had no idea he’d overheard that.

So I sent a photo back of me. Without my mask, or makeup, or getting a hairdo, because in front of me was the best makeup job ever—my Corgi, Cheeks.

The attached text said, “Stop licking it then...and she says you are very welcome. I don’t know what you did, bro...but check your balls.”

The phone buzzed yet again, this time without a photo, “Thanks a LOT. Now I’m really in trouble...! TH”

“Sorry. Cheeks is still sore over that one. It happened about two months ago and he is still telling the world what a horrible human I am. DH”

“Bobby wants to know...perhaps Cheeks would like to get acquainted and play sometime soon? The dog park close to your clinic looks promising.”

“Cheeks thinks that would be amazing. He is still very much a puppy and has a lot of energy to burn. He’d love a friend to tear around with instead of trying to wrap his leash around my ankles.”

“Maybe...we could have some coffee while they wear each other out?”

“That sounds like a fantastic plan.”

“Could we say...9:00 Wednesday morning?”

“Yes, I’d like that. I’ll be the half asleep one with the hyperactive pooch, I won’t have hours until one o’clock that afternoon.”

“I’ll be the tall one...wearing a mask that is not covered with flowers.”

I laughed out loud.

“I think we will find each other well enough.”

There was a brief pause, and then, “Yes, I think we have. Goodnight, Cheeks, and Diana.” 

“Goodnight, Bobby and Tom...it’s been a ruff day.”

“...I can’t believe you said that.” 

“XD woof.”

Tagging all my littermates: @catsladen, @villainousshakespeare, @winterisakiller, @vodka-and-some-sass, @yespolkadotkitty, @just-the-hiddles, @hopelessromanticspoonie, @theheartofpenelope, @sabine-leo, @wegingerangelica, @ciaodarknessmyheart, @wrathkitty, @rhemasky, @sourpatchkidsandacokecan, @redfoxwritesstuff, @the-insomniac-cat2, @alexakeyloveloki, @myoxisbroken​, @toomanystoriessolittletime​, @ladyfluff, @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi​

[flowerfan2]

Group Texts Are Ridiculous (Or, Five-0 Starts a Group Text)

McDanno, T, A03, 6k so far

Summary:  After Steve leaves Oahu to go find himself, Five-0 starts a group text to keep in touch while Steve’s away.  Picks up after the end of Season 10.

Notes:  This story is set in the present, following 10x22, but there’s no COVID in it...  I wanted it to be fun.  The story is complete and will be posted over the next few weeks.  Many thanks as always to my awesome beta, @perryavenue.

Chapter 3

June 25, 2020

JR:  What’s the name of Steve’s vet, the one he sort of dated?

QL:  If you and Tani were considering a threesome you could have let me know.

TR:  News to me.  But I suppose we could talk…

JR:  Shut up.  Eddie’s hurt, do you know the vet’s name or not?

TR:  Oh no, what happened?

JR:  I’m not sure, we just got back from a run and he’s limping a little.

DW:  Don’t go anywhere.  Keep Eddie still, I’ll be there in ten.

JR:  Shouldn’t I take him to the vet?

DW:  Just called them.  Stay right where you are.

JR:  Danny, Eddie’s fine, I can just put him in the truck.  He probably just stepped on something sharp.

QL:  Is he bleeding?  You should elevate his leg.

JR:  No, he’s not bleeding, it’s not that serious.  

TR:  Can you tell which paw it is?

JR:  Of course I can tell, it’s the foot he’s holding up when he tries to walk.

DW:  Did you not understand the part about keeping him still?  Walking is not keeping him still.  Sit with him, don’t let him move.

 JR:  We’re sitting on the couch, don’t worry, Eddie is fine.  He’s licking my face.  Normal Eddie behavior.  I think he actually forgot about his foot.

 TR:  Doesn’t hurt to be careful.  Junes, where did you take Eddie anyway?  Just the beach?

 TR:  Junes?  You there?

 JR:  Sorry, had to let HPD in.

 TR:  Wait, why is HPD there?

 JR:  Apparently Danny sent them.  With flashers and sirens.

 TR:  Of course, that makes sense.

 JR:  Um, no it doesn’t.  Eddie is fine.  And Five-0 isn’t supposed to use HPD for personal stuff.

 TR:  Yeah, we never do that.  

 SM:  What the hell happened to my dog?

  July 5, 2020

 LG:  I hate all of you, but especially Tani.

 TR:  It was just lemonade, Grover.

 LG:  No, it was iced tequila with one lemon slice floating on top.

 TR:  Party lemonade.

 LG:  It’s not very patriotic to get your elders drunk.

 TR:  No one said you had to drink it.

 LG:  Pretty sure you said anyone who doesn’t taste my lemonade has to go home.

 TR:  I had already had some lemonade when I said that.  I can’t be held responsible for my actions.  Face it, you’re a lightweight.

 LG:  Clearly not true.

 TR:  Then why did Renee make you leave early?

 LG:  We had another party to go to, as I told you last night. Where is everyone, anyway?  I thought Junior and Quinn were on today.

 TR:  I’m sure they’ll turn up any minute.

 LG:  Junior is still asleep, isn’t he?

 TR:  The lump under the blankets just cursed at me when I thumped him, so no, not totally asleep.

 LG:  Tell him to get his ass in gear and get to work.

 TR:  He says his head is exploding and he wants to die.

 LG:  Requesting a sick day, then?

 TR:  I’ll come in instead.

 LG:  Seriously?

 TR:  It’ll be better than listening to Junior puke all morning.

 LG:   I didn’t need to know that. How come you’re all chipper?

 TR:  I drank a bunch of water before I went to bed.  Like you’re supposed to.

 LG:  Hey, did Danny ever show up last night?

 TR:  Nope.  

  July 11, 2020

 LG:  I’m at the dock, which way should I go?

 DW:  Towards the boats.  The big floating things.

 JR:  I can see you, keep going the way you’re facing, then head south when you get to the end of the

row.

 LG:  South?  Sorry, forgot my compass.  

 DW:  Just listen for the music.

 TR:  I can’t believe you know the words to Taylor Swift’s greatest hits. At least my music is relatively current.

 DW:  Grace was just the right age.  It got stuck in my head.  

 JR:  And now it’s stuck in ours.

 <i>TR has changed the name of the group text to</i> <b>Shake It Off Dance Party</b>

 QL:  Be there soon.  Just found Jerry wandering in the parking lot.

 JG:  I wasn’t wandering, I was organizing my gear.

 TR:  What kind of gear do you need for a boat ride?

 LG:  You do realize you are asking Jerry this.

 JG:  By the way, thanks for including me today.  I’ve missed you guys.

 DW:  We miss you too.  But if you could all hurry up, that would be great.  I’d like to leave the dock sometime before it gets dark.

 QL:  Do you guys do a Five-0 summer outing every year?

 TR:  Nope, first time.

 QL:  Really?

 TR:  Yeah, generally we get enough excitement at work.  And Danny has some issues with boats.

 DW:  I actually enjoy boats, when there isn’t any gunfire, or sharks, or poison. I only have issues with <i>Steve</i> and boats.  Steve isn’t here, so we’ll be fine.

 QL:  So much to unpack there.

 JR:  Didn’t Steve set this up?

 LG:  He surely did.  The boat belongs to a friend of his.  I think he thought we all needed some cheering up.

 TR:  You mean he thought Danny needed cheering up.

 DW:  If Steve wanted to cheer me up he wouldn’t have sent me on a boat trip with all of you.

 LG:  Ouch.

 JG:  We may have a slight delay.

 TR:  What did you do?

 JG:  I didn’t do anything.  But Quinn was texting and walking at the same time and tripped.

 DW:  Is she ok?

 JG:  She didn’t fall in the water.  But her phone did, and she’s kind of pissed.

 LG:  Well we’ve got beer, that might help.

 JG:  Now’s she in the water.  She’s trying to find the phone.

 JG:  Quinn can hold her breath for a really long time.  Kind of impressive.

 LG:  For pete’s sake, what’s the point?  She’s never going to find it, and it’ll be ruined anyway.

 JG:  I said the same thing, but she didn’t listen.  Now she’s going to talk to the harbormaster.

 TR:  To report a dropped phone?

 JG: I don’t know, she just told me to wait while she went to talk to the harbormaster.

 TR:  It’s not like we need our phones for fishing.  We probably don’t get service out there anyway.

 DW:  Hardly matters.  At this rate we’re never leaving the dock.

  July 17, 2020

 SM:  Send help to this address ASAP. My phone’s dying.

 DW:  WTF Steve?

 SM:  Tow truck kind of help.  Flat tire.

 DW:  It’s four in the morning here.

 SM:  Oh, sorry.  Got up early. Not that early.

 DW:  Way to give me a heart attack.

 SM:  Sorry, didn’t mean to.  You okay?

 DW:  Course I’m okay.  I’m in bed, asleep.  Or at least I was asleep.  Now Eddie’s awake too and thinks it’s time to get up and go for a walk.

 SM:  Wish I was there.

 DW:  What?

 SM:  In bed, I mean.  Instead of stuck on the side of the road.

 DW:  Where are you, anyway?  You haven’t mentioned lately.

 SM:  Near Yellowstone.  Been camping. Did some hiking into the backcountry.

 DW:  Sounds suitably outdoorsy.

 SM:  Yeah.

 DW:  Your phone doesn’t seem all that dead.  You could have called AAA yourself.  

 SM:  I wasn’t sure how long it would hold out.

 DW:  It’s okay.  I miss you too.

  July 18, 2020

 JR:  So we’re all ignoring that conversation, right?

 TR:  Yes, because we work for them, and we have better things to do today.

 TR has changed the name of the group text to Luau Luau Luau

 JR:  Good to know you’re excited.

 TR:  Just cross your fingers there aren’t any murders in the next six hours. I want to be there when the pig comes out of the pit.

 SM:  You guys are doing a real luau?

 TR:  Yup.  Kamekona dug the imu.  Or had someone else dig it, probably.  But that sucker’s been cooking for hours already.

 JR:  Hey Commander, how’s it going?

 SM:  It’s good, Junior.  Thanks. How’d you get Kame to cook you a pig?

 TR:  It’s to thank Danny for helping him with some kind of permitting problem for his new place in Kapolei.  Kame found out Danny had never done the whole pig in the ground thing, so he decided to show him how it’s done.

 SM:  You’re telling me Danny got up at dawn to put the pig in the imu?

 TR:  I can’t swear to it, I wasn’t there.  But that was the plan.  

 LG:  I was there.  And no, Kame didn’t do any actual digging, he got Nahele and his friends to do it.  We did have to carry some rocks.

 TR:  What do you think, Lou?  Pretty cool, right?

 LG:  I am in favor of anything that combines fire and meat, you know that about me.

 SM:  Danny must not have gotten any sleep at all.

 DW:  That’s why they invented coffee.

 SM:  How much did Kame charge you for it?

 DW:  Nahele brought us all coffee from Island Vintage.

 SM:  What, did he come into some money?

 DW:  I paid him back, you dunce.

 SM:  I can’t believe you guys are putting together your own luau.

 DW:  Makes you miss home, doesn’t it?

 SM:  Sure does.  Danny, you’ve really never been to a luau?

 DW:  Not really.  Seemed kind of touristy.

 TR:  That’s why you have to do it yourself.  I made chicken long rice last night, and Junior’s bringing the lomi lomi salmon.

 JR:  I wanted squid but Tani likes salmon better.

 SM:  Good luck getting Danny to eat squid unless they’re deep fried.

 DW:  I’ll have you know I haven’t had a fried fish in ages.  I’ve been grilling mahi almost every weekend.

 SM:  You have?  That’s awesome.

 JR:  He does a good job with it, too.  It’s never dry.

 DW:  Thanks, Junior.

 SM:  Clearly my healthy eating has finally made an impression on you, Danny. I’m so proud.

 JR:  I think it was his doctor that forced him into it, but whatever.

 SM:  What do you mean?  What’s wrong?

 DW:  Nothing’s wrong.

 SM:  High cholesterol?

 DW:  Shut up, I can eat whatever I want.  I’m just choosing to be more aware of what goes in my mouth, that’s all.

 LG:  Right, that’s why you banned malasadas from the office.

 TR:  Maybe he’s just trying to maintain his girlish figure.  

 JR:  Are you really trying to lose weight, Danny?  Because you’re as thin as I’ve ever seen you.

 LG:  I’m not sure they sell those slacks in extra-slim, you better be careful.

 DW:  Can we please stop talking about me?  

 SM:  Seriously, is everything all right, Danny?  

 DW:  You guys are ridiculous.  See you later at the beach.  You can ogle me there as I stuff my mouth with kalua pork.

  July 21, 2020

 JR:  Tani, you up?

 TR:  You know you can just come home and get into bed with me, you don’t need to say dumb stuff like that.

 JR:  Honestly I just wanted to know if you were awake.  It’s one o’clock in the morning.

 TR: LOL sorry.  Yeah, Quinn just left and I’m trying to clean up.  We tried to make fancy margaritas and it looks like Whole Foods’ fruit section exploded in my kitchen.

 JR:  What’s a fancy margarita?

 TR:  You know, you add in something that tastes good and something that tastes bad.

 JR:  That can’t really be the recipe.

 TR:  It seemed like it.  Grapefruit and rosemary – who wants rosemary in their margarita?

 JR:  Ok true.

 TR:  Strawberry and jalapeno was pretty good though.  But we put too many jalapenos in.

 JR:  Sounds dangerous.  How many have you had?

 TR: A good amount.  When are you coming home?

 JR:  Don’t know.  Adam and I are still parked down the road from the restaurant where the victim died yesterday.  Danny thinks whoever was responsible, the assistant chef probably, will break in tonight.

 TR:  Sounds fun.

 JR:  I’m bored out of my mind.  Ran out of things to talk about with Adam about two hours ago.

 TR:  Let’s play fuck, marry, kill.  

 JR:  Okay.  But let’s text just us, okay?

 TR:  Smart.  Okay, you go first.  Celebrities, fuck, marry or kill.

 JR:  Any celebrities?  That’s kind of broad.

 TR:  Ok, celebrities named Chris.

 JR:  You’re really making me go first.

 TR:  You’re the one who said you were bored.  I could just throw all this crap into the sink and go to bed.  But I’ll go first if you want.

 JR:  Okay.  

 TR:  And obviously no getting mad, right?

 JR:  Obviously.

 TR:  Fuck Chris Hemsworth, marry Chris Evans, kill Chris Pratt.

 JR:  That was fast.

 TR:  I may have thought about it before.  Now you go.

 JR:  Fuck Christina Aguilera, marry Chris Evans, kill Chris Noth.

 TR:  Very enlightened.

 JR:  Everyone wants to marry Chris Evans.

 TR:  Agreed.  Okay, next. Marvel characters.  

 JR:  That’s kind of an overlap, isn’t it?

 TR:  Only with a few of them.  We’ll say no repeats.  You go first this time.

 JR:  Fuck Wonder Woman, marry Black Widow, kill Loki.

 TR:  Sure you didn’t reverse Wonder Woman and Black Widow?

 JR:  Nah.  If I’m going to spend my life with somebody I want her to have some depth, you know?

 TR:  I’ll revisit that when I’m less drunk.  Okay, fuck T’Challa, marry Tony Stark, kill Fury.

 JR:  Fury?  He’s a good guy.

 TR:  I didn’t like the way he faked his death.

 JR:  You confuse me sometimes.

 TR:  I think that’s okay.  Any sign of the assistant chef?

 JR:  No.  And Adam seems entranced by some game on his phone.

 TR:  Animal crossing?

 JR:  I think it’s some kind of card game app.  Jerry mentioned it.

 TR:  Why play cards on an app instead of in person?

 JR:  Maybe because you’re stuck at work at one in the morning.

 TR:  Fair.

 JR:  Okay, let’s do another round.

 TR:  Fine.  Five-0. Present or former members.

 JR:  No way.

 TR:  Come on, you must have thought about it.  

 JR:  No getting mad?

 TR:  Obviously.  And we can’t say each other.

 JR:  Obviously.

 JR:  You go first.

 TR:  Fuck Steve, marry Danny, kill Catherine.

 JR:  Again, you do this really fast.

 TR:  These answers aren’t hard.

 JR:  Didn’t know you hated Catherine so much.

 TR:  She screwed over my imaginary fuck buddy and my imaginary husband, so, yeah.

 JR:  I feel like you know more about this situation than I do.

 TR:  As with all things.  Come on, your turn.

 JR:  This is hard.  And very unprofessional.

 TR:  You cannot leave me hanging.

 JR:  Fuck Quinn, marry Steve, kill Adam.

 TR:  He’s that boring?

 JR:  He’s that boring.

 TR:  You know Danny thinks I’m just like Steve.  In the good ways.

 JR:  I’m aware.

 TR:  You only said Quinn because you couldn’t think of any other women on Five-0, didn’t you?

 JR:  Ok fine.

 TR:  Be honest, who would you pick?  Really?

 JR:  There’s no way you’re getting me to put that in a text.

 TR:  It’s just us, come on.

 LG:  No it’s not.  

 TR:  Oh shit.

  July 22, 2020

 DW:  Ok, regarding last night’s text message fiasco, I’m incredibly disappointed and have no choice but to run this by HR.

 TR:  Wait, we have HR?

 DW:  No, actually.  But I talked about it with Steve and we laughed our asses off.  Try to rein in the sex talk just a bit, okay?  And maybe don’t mention actually killing people in our group text.

 JR:  Sorry, sir.

 TR:  Sorry, boss.

 DW:  And Junior’s right.  Everyone wants to marry Chris Evans.

[forestfanders]

Birds of a feather: chapter 2

chapter 1 AO3

Romans awake and he is ready to see what exactly is the deal with this new place. But testing boundaries is scary, even when the humans seem as nice as soft smile Patton, and deep-voice Logan.

TW CW Note that this chapter contains mentions of past abuse, fear of eating and food mentions, and panic/dissociation attacks

-----

Roman huddled miserably in the corner of the cage, his emo compatriot quaking beside him as footsteps clicked in in the corridor. 

Since he had woken up the first time, there had been several humans in to check on them, but none had opened the cage door, or got angry when Roman was unable to find the courage to speak to answer their soft questions. He had not yet seen their owners, but he was sure they would be angry when they came back.

The door to the small room swung open, and Roman caught a glimpse of two men. But instead of going to their cage, the pair moved off to look into another cage across the room from them. Roman let out a silent sigh of relief.

“Hello bunny rabbits!” Light blue jumper kept his voice soft, “My name is Patton.”

Bespectacled vet spoke up next, “My name is Logan.”

“They are very beautiful rabbits, Logan,” Patton spoke simply. Roman listened carefully.

“Ted Bunndy here was a little sick, and his friend has come with him to keep him company while he gets better. We never split up friends.”

“It is very important for them to stay together isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Logan spoke woodenly, “Good friends make you feel safe. And we want them to feel safe here.”

Dark-and-Stormy crushed himself into Roman’s side, and nervously rearranged his feathers.

“They have a lot of food there! Is that all for them?” Patton smiled sideways at Logan.

“All of the food in the cage is for them. They have to eat a lot to get better. It took a while for Ted to start eating again, but now he is, we are all very proud of him.”

Roman eyed the bowl of mixed foodstuffs in his own cage. He and Dark-and-Stormy had raided the bowl for a few bits and pieces, but not enough for it to look like anything had been taken. He knew from his old home that that was the safest way. But they weren’t at home anymore. Perhaps, if the food was there for them as it was for the rabbits, they could take a little more. 

The vets that had come to check in on them earlier had also told him to eat, but he was never sure if they were trying to trick him or not. 

The humans moved on, saying a couple of kind words to some of the other sick animals in the room. They told them they were there to help, that they should eat and get strong, and that they should sleep lots till they felt better.

Roman knew that the other animals probably couldn’t understand the human’s words, but he could, and they ignited a kernel of hope in his chest. Even Anxiety had come off high alert, shifting from eye-glazed stillness into the repetitive anxious movement of smoothing down his feathers. 

“Hello you two.” Patton was in front of their cage, “It is nice to meet you!” His voice was soft, but he sounded genuinely enthusiastic. “My name is Patton, and this is Logan.”

Roman’s heart stuttered. Was Patton expecting him to speak? He could get in trouble if he spoke when he wasn’t meant to. But these people, they were softly spoken, maybe it would be fine…

Hesitantly, Roman raised a hand to give a little wave. His action was rewarded by Patton’s beaming smile.

“Hi there.” Patton waved back, and gave Logan a soft nudge.

“It is a pleasure to meet you both” Logan’s voice was pleasantly deep. He also gave a little wave, but had a faintly awkward air about him.

“Logan is one of the vets here. He looks after everyone who is hurt.” Patton gestured minutely towards Roman’s chest, “He put those bandages on you. They will help you to get better and stop your injuries hurting and getting dirty, so it is super important you don’t try to pull them off. Is that alright? Thumbs up if it is, thumbs down if not.”

Roman gave a thumbs up without even thinking of the ramifications. Patton leaked a pleased smile. The emo nightmare shifted slightly to slip his hand into Roman’s. They listened carefully for more instructions.

“Good job kiddos!” Patton praised. Roman was doing a good job! Roman wanted to do a good job. “Good job…” Patton cocked his head as though trying to remember something, “What are your names?”

Roman tried to ride the wave of confidence Patton’s praise had given him, but still the words died in his throat… his owners had called him many things, which name did they want him to say? He personally preferred Roman, a name from a game of make-believe he had played many years ago. 

“Your paperwork called you ‘Princey,’” Logan’s soft voice cut through Roman’s spiralling thoughts, “Can you give us a thumbs up if you are happy to go by Princey, thumbs down if you want to be called something else.” His voice was deep and grounding.

 Roman raised a thumbs up. He could go by that. It wasn’t his name, but he could go by that.

“Good job Princey. And if you decide you want to change what we call you, you can tell us anytime.” Logan smiled, and Roman felt hope rise in his chest fiercely. These humans didn’t force him to speak, and might even respect his name. He squeezed Anxiety’s hand, and received a small squeeze in return.

“And do you have a name kiddo?” Patton asked kindly, his gaze focused on Dark-and-Stormy’s feet. He froze up completely, what little calm he had had vanquished by the direct question.

Anxiety had a name. But whereas Roman had the voice to tell his emo compatriot his name, Panic!AtTheEverywhere had never spoken, not to humans, and not to Roman.

“They used to call you Anxiety.” Logan spoke again, and a pained expression flitted across Patton’s face. At the sound of the nickname, Dark-and-Stormy nodded frantically, starting to shake in his effort to answer the question non-verbally.

“Ok, we can call you that for now. I can see speaking a little too much today, which is absolutely fine. We can sort it out later, don’t worry.” Patton gave another smile. Anxiety stopped shaking, and seemed to zone back in, his hand clammy in Roman’s own.

“Ok kiddos. I know things must be very different from before, so I just want to explain what is going on.” Patton smiled reassuringly. “You are both here now because your old owners can't look after you anymore, so you are going to be living with us at the centre for a while. Lots of pets come here for help when they are sick or if their owners are bad to them. So we are going to try to make you feel welcome here.” 

Logan nodded in agreement.

“First off, I see you have a plenty of food in your bowl.” Patton turned slightly to Logan. 

“They have some pieces of chicken in there, and peanuts, and some spinach. Lots of energy rich food to help you heal and put some weight back on.”

“That is really great Logan! And how much do they need to eat?” Patton focused on Logan. Roman was glad that the humans weren't staring in his direction so much anymore.

“It would be very good if they can eat most of that by this evening. And we will come along to top it up before night, so there is no need to ration.” 

All that by night! And then more food after it! Roman’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. He had limited himself to only a few unnoticeable pieces earlier, but if they were actually allowed to take it, nay, encouraged to take it… 

Once upon a time, their owners had fed them. Back when Roman had tried to be a good pet, play along being the prince in the kid’s stories. But after a while his owners had got bored of them. They had forgotten to feed them, and had often got mad when Roman had begged for food. Didn’t stop him from trying -that was why he had so many more scars than the Emo Nightmare- but he also learned that even when they offered food, sometimes it was a trick. They would wheel away, leaking sloppy laughter, their pupils barely pinpricks as they flicked a cigarette into his feathers. The last week had been particularly bad, and even though these humans seemed nothing like his owners, the fear still curdled in his gut.

There was a very simple way to see if Patton and Logan’s words were true.

Roman patted Anxiety's hand, their gesture of ‘I’ll be right back.’ The Emo Nightmare stared right back and held on tighter, ‘Are you crazy?’ painted across his features. ‘I need to.’ Roman said in that silent language that they had relied upon in the house of fear where nothing could be relied upon but each other. Anxiety’s grip went lax, and his eyes vacant. He did that sometimes when he was scared. And though Roman didn’t want his friend to be scared, this was something he had to be sure of, or he too would drown in the uncertainty of What Was and Was Not Allowed.

 Roman took a deep breath and stepped forwards.

The humans watched him. Patton’s head was tilted curiously, and Logan was looking sideways at him. They did nothing to curb his audacity.

He reached the bowl, gripping the ceramic edge.

“That’s right kiddo, you can eat anything you want.” Patton’s voice was soft. He seemed to know that Roman’s confidence was on a knife point. 

Roman picked up a cube of chicken and held it up questioningly.

“A nice piece of chicken. It’s for you.” Patton spoke again, allowing, encouraging.

Roman took the tiniest bite, chewed slowly, and managed to swallow the morsel despite his throat feeling like it was closing up. 

“Good lad,” Patton was soft, so soft, “I think we will leave you two to your lunch now. Eat up, and get a plenty of rest. You are safe here.”

And they left him alone.

Roman dropped to his knees, hugging the piece of chicken. His sobs of relief and tentative hope were as silent as all the tears he had shed in the hellhouse. Within a moment, Dark-and-Stormy was enveloping him in touches, trailing hands through his hair and feathers.

They spent some time passing the chicken between them, ripping off bite size chunks, and it felt like the best food they had ever had; better than the same meat they had sneakily taken from the bowl earlier, as this chicken was seasoned with hope for many peaceful meals in the future. And when it was finished, Roman keeled forwards into his friend’s embrace.

Later, they would eat more. And even later Roman would test the boundaries yet again, see if he could speak and sing and play.

But for now, he let himself sleep.

--

I promise I will start being nice to everyone! Soon. I swear.

My very lonely taglist XD

@kieraelieson

[thekingsparty]

mnnn after dwts i was gonna write, but laptop started update without asking me & it’s now finally done after 1.5h. my eyes are insanely tired, i’ve basically slept in 1h-sessions last night cause one of the cats kept howling and my sleep currently is so light i hear it and can go check what they need. 

i’ll try get some sleep now and work on drafts orrr photoshop. depends on my condition of my eyes lol. 

as usual lately, cat update under the cut for those who wanna knooow. <3 goodnight all <333

ok so last night was scary. taigi threw up and weakly wobbled back into his fav sleeping place (the tub) without dinner and still refusing to drink from bows. i was so worried and scared i pushed mom a little too far and it escalated and she said a lot of things i’d like to believe she regrets some day. anyway, taigi was doing much better in the morning. he took his meds, ate dryfood/treats with them and mom let him drink from the faucet. according to her it’s my fault he wants that lol, which is silly. he’s had a phase like that a few years ago. 

problem with faucet is, he drinks too quickly, then he throws up. he’s weak anyway and doesn’t eat wet food, so .. throwing up is a big no. so i remembered that about ..a year ago, it got that far that i couldn’t drink at night because if i opened my plastic bottle with water, he would come running and yelling and demanding water. ofc i had no bowl with me so one day, out of fun honestly, i filled a bottle cap with water and he flipped. 

so, to stop him from dehydrating on top of less food and stuff, i’ve spent the day feeding him bottle caps of water. i tried it while he whined for the faucet and bam, he forgot all about the stupid faucet in a second. it’s not ideal, but that way i can control the water flow so to say and he drinks slower. he’s not thrown up, he still only licks the sauce off the wet food, but he’s getting a good hand of dry food twice a day at least for meds so he’s thankfully not going without food in general. less than usual, yes, but not without. i think the antibiotics mess with his stomach, make him nauseous or so. cause he was sick before and he ate fine. it started on the 2nd day of antibiotics that he got even pickier with food. 

anyway, i’ve been feeding him water every few hours and it seems to work, no throwing up happened today. progress. he purrs a lot when pet, which makes me happy. he abandoned the tub for most of the day, went from under my bed (while i was trying to sleep) to mom’s office chair and vice versa. i think that’s a good sign. he came to me like clockwork for half the day to get his bottle caps of water lol. i think we basically filled up his reserves? cause at some point, he stopped coming every hour, then every 2h and then he just came 2 or 3 more times at night. (is 4 am) i fed him some more before sleep so he’d not crawl into the sink (is dangerous) while we try sleep and put some dry food down, he ate a few pieces so i decided to put a lil bowl down, too. he needs dem calories. i snuck past the bathroom after a while and found him hovering over it :3 

we only gotta make it through tomorrow and half of the day after, then it’s ultrasound time and hopefully new treatment to make him feel better. friday back to old vet (lowkey hoping the ultrasound vet gives up meds or something whatever we need and checks him over so he doesn’t have to go to our normal vet in friday.. going out 2 days in a row is v stressful for him). katzi is doing a little better? she’s lowing weight slower currently, not ideal, but a start, we’ll probs not get her blood test back before monday, but that’s ok. she can do it. i’m really curious what she has, but also if taigi’s heart is the issue. i read up on it and like.. if the right chamber isn’t working properly, it pumps blood back into the organs, causing intestine+bowel issues, kidney issues and water in belly. liver could be swollen, it would also explain the pancreas troubles bc it’s part of the stomach-bowel system. it causes high blood pressure in bursts, which would explain why taigi is fab one moment and towards the end of the day he’s getting more and more passive. then he rests for the night and in the morning he’s fit af again. cause he has been yelling mom outta bed for food these days. xD “it’s 8am human, feed me now.” so yeah.. i don’t even know if i wanna hope it’s really his heart. on one hand, they say there’s meds for it (have i spent many hours reason on the internet? yes) and many people are v happy for many years with their cats thanks to those, but there’s also the fear that he’s got something weird or special and there#s no meds. i’m an unlucky person, i’m worried it affects him. we’ll see. 

anyway, nothing is idea and blah, but .. i feel a lot less anxious today. taigi is a picky shit and he’s weak and stubborn, but he has appetite and he wants water and pets, so.. i believe in him and our vet lady. 

i rambled again, thanks all <3

[bo0zey]

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person??? 

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing 

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny 

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm 

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!! 

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

[shewasanamericangirl]

screamin bout zi-o 36

i had fun doing this last week, so let’s make another screencap post! of course, i said that, and then it took several days to upload all the pictures because tumblr just stops fucking working sometimes. anyhoo! it’s yuko kitajima roast hour. image-heavy and spoiler-heavy, naturally.

so ginga blew everyone up and they ran away to a sewer it seems.

honestly that theory makes as much sense as anything else on this booty ass fuckin’ kamen rider show

i was just like...he isn’t

but then he was

swartz: she could step on me in those red pumps and i’d say Thank You

hora: i regret so much right now

uhr: *shonen anime character walking down the street pose*

then over quartzer plays and im starting to feel a little lost because i don’t get to hear about the episode according to woz’s book? hello??

yuko’s still out gettin her spa treatments and shit, god only knows how she got the money for all that, and somehow she never crosses paths with the cops or anyone who recognizes her from the news?? uh

honestly yeah?? a queen deserves to look GOOD. her theme music is eerily sexy, i need an mp3 of it right now

don’t get me wrong, im well aware that swartz is being a suck-up to try and get yuko to help with his plan to seize ginga’s power, but damn im kinda shipping swartz with yuko now too...i mean, he WAS looking at her while doing the sexy ice cream thing last week. what flavor ice cream would yuko be? black cherry chip maybe?

(headcanon: woz tries apple pie ice cream and declares it a crime against both apple pie and ice cream alike--but he still eats the whole coneful)

hora and uhr get ZA WARUDO’D down the stairs by swartz

we were all uhr right here

yeaaaaaah she just doesn’t want to fight ginga

tsukuyomi’s a mood. someone put a band-aid on geiz’s forehead pls

ok woz i get that if you’re looking for a despotic ruler to follow that yuko is likely a better bet than sougo, but you’re missing an important detail: if yuko actually had a shot at becoming queen of everything, she’d already have one of you in tow, and you would most likely hate each other.

...majou means “demon queen” in this case, not “witch”, right?

aaaaaand this...is the moment when yuko started making me very uncomfortable. the way she responds: “yes...i do remember. it’s you.”

and sougo’s face just lights up--my guy, she could so easily be lying. she didn’t say one thing about the band-aid or the playground or anything that’d indicate she’s actually sougo’s crush.

like...if not for the fact that sougo had such a crush on the seifuku girl, it wouldn’t be all that major a memory. it likely wasn’t for the girl in question--just a happy sunny day cheering up a lonely little boy. a beautiful memory, yes...but memories fade.

can someone please explain to me why woz’s characterization is all over the place in kiva arc? are you pro-yuko or anti-yuko, woz? i don’t understand what’s going through his pretty head at all honestly. he gets pretty taciturn in the scenes he’s not inhaling pie, but then at times he seems to think yuko’s cool aaaaaagh i don’t know

junichiro: meowing, just wanted an excuse to cook lots of food

sougo: “yay, uncle’s cooking!”

woz: [deadpan monotone] “yaaaaaaay uncle’s cooking...”

ive had enough of this evil bitch honestly but when she points it’s still Good Shit

ridiculous move name, but also an awesome move name

and turning to stone to heal up while the sun’s clouded over? very cool

denied

i noped so hard at this part. like...i really do feel protective of sougo. yuko doesn’t give a damn about him, she just doesn’t want him to get in her way.

nope. no. nuh uh. you two step away from each other right now.

YOU CANNOT MAKE BABIES WITH AN IDIOT FETUS

ok but in all seriousness, do you want time jackers? because, im calling it now, letting oma zi-o go in raw is how you get time jackers.

yeah im pretty sure miho would’ve kept at it if she’d lived, and yuko...shes not gonna listen to sougo

thank you for the much needed reality check furry man

so she’s a...fu-joshi? 👀

☝☝☝

yuko wears such fabulous shoes

was anyone surprised at this point that yuko was the real killer? i sure wasn’t. not after all the obvious lies.

i love her leitmotif. i need it. where do i download

SHE DIDN’T PROMISE SHIT

hey kids! it’s time for *mashes play button* la-la-la lies! yeah, tell me that you love me! la-la-la-lies! look deep into my eyes! la-la-la-lies! say there’s no one else above me! i’m the king of fools, cuz baby, you’re the queen of actually very hurtful and manipulative lies!

that’s such bullshit

now im the last person to be like “don’t play the dead mommy card”--i practically keep that card in the hello kitty wallet my dead mommy gave me. but i bet you yuko’s mom is just fine (aside from living with the trauma of knowing her daughter’s a murderer and pathological liar).

sougo,,,,,pls

thank you tsukuyomi. god sougo really needs a chaperone with yuko around, he’s way too dumb and thirsty.

GUESS WHO’S BACK. BACK AGAIN. fortunately, it seems swartz and woz have been just standing there watching him for the duration of the rain shower.

lest we forget (because i didn’t screencap it), when zi-o took the brunt of ginga’s attack earlier, it sent him flying. now, that’s a human body, which has some ability to absorb force because it’s mostly pretty soft and fluid. yuko’s manhole cover almost completely absorbed this blast--she barely shifted her weight on impact. is it just that she’s THAT ripped? 

then The Boys rider kick ginga to oblivion. rip ginga, you didn’t have a personality or a character arc, we never even saw you un-transformed--you were just a cool looking plot device with pretty attacks. but for that much, we appreciate you!

swartz looks so pleased with himself. he must not have watched the preview for this episode.

YOINK! gotta love how swartz doesn’t look surprised so much as puzzled.

sure am glad kurowoz took his other self’s advice and kept an eye on swartz

i love it so much how woz just has these magic scarf powers and it needs no explanation? hell, he can fly and time travel and make people fall asleep and he’s super strong too, with no explanation? and he’s the comic relief? ALSO HE’S REALLY HOT? woz is a being to behold honestly

speaking of super strong and really hot, yuko is KILLING IT in that gown. i mean...i guess that’s the intention. killing it. cuz she’s a homicidal maniac. haha.

she’s so good at pointing. yuko could be a prosecutor in shuichi kitaoka: ace attorney. (FUND IT)

yuko throws her manhole cover at the boys (rude!) and next we see geiz holding it. a shame we don’t get to see him snatch it out of midair. or did woz catch it and just hand it to him? we may never know.

zi-o. listen to geiz, zi-o. use the fucking watch. just use the watch, zi-o. you seriously plan on just letting another kiva go on a killing spree? do you not get by now what she’s capable of?

thank goodness zi-o has his retainers to make wise decisions so he doesn’t have to.

please note the placement of mars on ginga woz’s suit. very important.

I Love You

lmao

WHERE IS YOUR MANHOLE COVER NOW

my favorite character gets a beautiful rainbow final attack. i feel so blessed.

i mean...protecting all mankind would probably include protecting them from people like yuko. just sayin.

is it bad of me that my immediate thought right then was “at least woz’s attack wasn’t what did her in.”

this shot, especially in the context of the church, definitely gave me pieta vibes--albeit reversed somewhat.

weirdly enough, woz does an outro instead of an intro this episode.

at this point while watching, i said to shylax “you know what this calls for? pie!” but before i could finish--

--PIE! cmon sougo, it’s time to gobble up your feelings!

fucking woz, i swear, you have pie in your mouth and pie in your right hand and pie on your FACE and when your overlord expresses how miserable he is you just go for his uneaten pie with your empty hand.

...is it normal to eat pie like this in japan? because the only times i’ve seen americans make this much of a mess eating pie is when they’re toddlers.

oh hey, what do you know? looks like sougo’s first love wasn’t a violent crazy person after all. she also wasn’t yuko.

sougo’s just an idiot who will mistake any older woman who rubs him on the chin and calls him cute for his sailor girl.

previews!

i blame joshua kiryu

how eloquently this one line sums up not only kamen rider zi-o but kamen rider decade as well. that’s it, that’s the show. that’s the clusterfuck we will inevitably get whenever toei decides to make a kamen rider crossover.

LOOK AT THIS! TSUKUYOMI REMEMBERED SOMETHING! who is she smiling at? is it her dad? is that swartz behind her?! omg baby tsukuyomi is so CUTE!

“a team”. uh huh. is that what the youth are calling it these days? cuz when i was a wee lass, i believe they called it “fucking”.

so what have we learned this week?

very little about ginga

sougo does not remember faces all that well

before sougo dates ANYONE that person should be fully vetted by junichiro, geiz, tsukuyomi, and woz because CLEARLY HE CANNOT SAFELY CHOOSE A PARTNER FOR HIMSELF

i still really like yuko as a character, if not as a person. same as i enjoy junji ito manga, but would be very upset if most of it happened in real life.

swartz loves a woman who can kick his ass

what the fuck are manhole covers in this world

i can’t wait for baby tsukuyomi flashbacks! that, and more tsukasa.

[funkzpiel]

so what are your thoughts of FB2 after reading the screenplay?? i'm curious!!

Ooooh goodness – the short version of it is that I feel that the writing was messy and lazy, and that the characterizations and development was either non-existent or didn’t make sense most of the time. All in all, a hot mess that I found little to no entertainment out of – though it’s worth saying that I am sure the acting, music and visual effects of the actual movie would likely help at least make the story somewhat enjoyable.

For the long, savage version, look below the cut:

Honestly, where to fucking start…

NEWT SCAMANDER 

Personally I thought Newt Scamander was incredibly out of character. Now I say this from a motivational stand point rather than acting, because I adore Eddie and I’m sure that if nothing else, he probably did a phenomenal job. However, I’m still hella caught on the following:

Newt won’t go to Paris for Credence. When the Ministry of Magic meets with him and basically tells him “Either you work for us or we’re going to send this lunatic to go kill him”, I honestly can’t believe that Newt said no. Now I get that he said no because he obviously doesn’t want to kill Credence, but you cannot convince me that Newt wouldn’t have a.) seen the opportunity to have his travel visa back and b.) seen the opportunity to use his position to safely fake Credence’s death or something and help him disappear. This is the boy he tried to save, who he thought dead, who “died” of the same thing that left him obviously emotionally traumatized in the first film after he couldn’t help save the girl in Sudan. And JK wants me to believe he was like naw, I’m cool, that guy can go kill him, peace. NO.

Newt won’t go to Paris for Dumbledore. Less of a stretch, considering what he could lose: his life, his freedom, the safety of his beasts. In fact, this makes sense. What pisses me off about this is that he said no to Dumbledore, but he instead GOES TO PARIS TO BONE TINA. So now, onto my third point…

NEWT FINALLY DECIDES TO RISK HIS FREEDOM AND THE SAFETY OF HIS FUCKING BEASTS, WHO WOULD UNDOUBTEDLY SUFFER IF THEY WERE CONFISCATED BY THE MINISTRY, JUST SO THAT HE COULD SEE TINA, WHICH WHEN HE SEES HER, HE IS THEN MYSTIFIED ABOUT WHY SHE’S UPSET EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW HE INSULTED HER IN A LETTER AND QUEENIE TOLD HIM THAT SHE HAD READ A TABLOID – WHICH DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT TINA, CLEVER TINA, FELL FOR A FUCKING TABLOID AND THEN NEVER EVEN BOTHERED TO LIKE CLARIFY WITH NEWT – AND ALL OF THIS ACCORDING TO THE SCRIPT TAKES PLACE A YEAR AFTER THE EVENTS IN THE FIRST FILM. DURING THIS TIME THEY’VE WRITTEN LETTERS BUT NOT DATED, SO THIS MAN IS SOMEHOW SO FUCKING HUNG UP ON HER HE’D RISK HIS LIFE AND HIS CREATURES TO THEN BARELY DO ANYTHING TO RECTIFY ANYTHING WHEN HE FINALLY FOUND HER. HE COULD HAVE DONE THAT AT ANY POINT MIND YOU. IF THAT’S HIS FUCKING MOTIVATION, HE COULD HAVE JUST BROKE THE LAW WHENEVER TO SEE HER. OR YOU KNOW, TALK VIA FIRE. LETTERS. GOD ANY FUCKING COMMUNICATION THAT DOESN’T LEAD TO DEATH. NOT TO MENTION THAT ‘MISCOMMUNICATION’ IS THE SLOPPIEST MOTIVATION FOR STORYTELLING, DEAR GOD. BUT NO – HE DIDN’T GO TO PARIS FOR CREDENCE. HE DIDN’T RISK HIS LIFE FOR ANY SIGNIFICANT REASON. HE WENT SO HE COULD BONE TINA. AND TELL HER THAT SHE HAD FUCKING SALAMANDER EYES.

Further more with the mischaracterization of Newt, in the script the Zouwu was described to have burst from a box that was on fire, incredibly malnourish, scarred and abused. You want me to believe that a.) an abused animal would have fucking done a 180 on the terrified scale for a fucking bird toy and b.) NEWT WOULDN’T HAVE REACTED AT ALL TO THE FACT THAT THIS WAS AN ABUSED ANIMAL THAT NEEDED CAREFUL HANDLING?! Qed pointed out that the neglect wasn’t obvious in the film, so I’ll give it that – but this is the way it’s written and it’s so fucking sloppy. Like the scene when he saves this cat could have been amazing. It could have showcased that Newt does something truly special and unique. Could have shown us HOW he calms beasts rather than turned it into comedic relief (which would have been fine if it wasn’t an abuse case), AND it could have been a moment for Tina to be reminded of why she is attracted to Newt instead of us being forced to believe these two stupid assholes have been pining for no real reason for each other for a year. NOT TO MENTION that this could have then led into an actual motivation for Newt to fight or be involved in Paris because you can’t tell me that Newt fucking Scamander wouldn’t want to find the asshole who abused that cat, save any other involved creatures and kill that man.

Also he trained the Niffler. His motto in the first film is that he doesn’t keep his creatures. Now at Zoos there’s a level of training wild animals to safely get them here and there, and interact with them. Newt trained the Niffler extensively. That isn’t the behavior of a man rehabilitating an animal for the wild. 

And then there’s the scene with Theseus chasing down Newt and Tina and they’re mad that he’s chasing them? And say he’s over reacting? OK BUT HAVE YOU TOLD HIM ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU��RE DOING?! NO. All he knows is that his brother just broke the fucking law on a critical degree and to make matters more stinging, is using his own fucking face to do it. The scene is written so you’re rooting for Tina and Newt (specifically Newt) and if it weren’t for the fact that Newt is only there to bone Tina, maybe I would, but damn if I wasn’t livid and rooting for Theseus tbh.

QUEENIE GOLDSTEIN

What. The ever living fuck. Did she do. To. Queenie. This film had a prime opportunity to continue on the foundation of the first film and really build Queenie into something great. In the first film we see Queenie as a young woman who doesn’t think much of herself. She kind of infers that she knows she’s really only useful for looking pretty and fetching coffee when she tells Newt and Jacob that “Teenie’s the working gal”. But by the end of the film, Queenie has saved the gang once or twice, managed to bust through the security of the office of the Director of Magical Security, thought quick on her feet, leveraged people and in general just be a subtle badass. And she learned to love and to let go – and then when to fight for what she believes in when she came back for Jacob.

But the second film has turned her identity into “I NEED TO BE MARRIED”. That’s not a healthy relationship for one. She and Jacob have talked about this. Jacob never said they needed to split. But he did say he was afraid of pursuing marriage for her safety – for both their safety, honestly – because what fucking good is a fucking piece of paper that honestly means nothing but “says” they’re married if they’re fucking dead? But what did Queenie do? SHE USED MAGIC TO MAKE HIM ACT AGAINST HIS WILL. That’s just – I can’t even begin to talk about the level of fucked up that. And god, how disparaging to that character too, Queenie is so much more than that! She could be so much more than that! Instead she’s made to look crazy. She could have gone into politics to fight for Muggle/Wizard relationships – but no. Honestly there’s so many more interesting avenues to explore with this character. Or if you wanted to send her to Grindelwald, more interesting ways to do it! Maybe Grindelwald is the only one (in her mind) who knows how to undo an obliviation because it’s in fact dark magic to manipulate the mind on the level it would take to undo it! Maybe she’s in Paris trying to figure that out and Grindelwald lies and says he knows how to do it. I’d be more interested in Queenie working to restore Jacob rather than control him. And she’s obsessed! Her entire character has been so heavily warped into “I WANT TO BE MARRIED” that she disregards all the fucking destruction she first hand knows Grindelwald has done and in the script is literally says that “she is his, heart and soul”. THAT LEVEL OF DEDICATION. For no more that a fucking fluttering second of “Muggles are basically live stock, but I know some of you love them, we don’t have to kill them all.” SHE JUST IGNORES LIKE ALL THE REST OF IT. I just… she’s such a fucking hollow, messy sham of a character and it’s truly sad, because she could have been perfect example of “woman who thought she was only what society told her she was – pretty, someone who needed to get married, etc. – and realized she’s so much more than that. She’s a PERSON. Someone who is powerful and can truly make a difference. And that she can love, but she can also be QUEENIE GOLDSTEIN who happens to be in love rather than QUEENIE GOLDSTEIN WHO IS ONLY AS GOOD AS WHO SHE LOVES AND IF SHE MARRIES THEM.

TINA GOLDSTEIN

Tina doesn’t act angry around Newt at all in the beginning. She’s described to be walking with an “inner sadness” (because bright, clever AUROR TRAINED Tina fell for a tabloid). And yet half way through the film we find out she and Newt had a falling out via letter. And she only at that moment reacts to it. I want Tina giving Newt the cold fucking shoulder about that. Not to mention that the whole “you’re engaged” thing is stupid and shouldn’t even be included because literally all she needed to do was investigate a little or send a letter with the article included like “Congrats!” and he’d be like “Oh, no, I’m the best man, papers are dumb”. Give me Tina who’s actually upset about what Newt said about Aurors. Give me a Tina who slowly warms back up to Newt. Give me a relationship that makes sense and actually needs work and repair and communication damn it.

JACOB

They fucking reduced him to one motivation: “When can I eat next?” I cannot tell you how many times he’s literally used as comedic relief as the “fat guy” and just blurts out “I’m looking for food” in any tense or awkward situation. He is a war vet. He is a man in love with a society forbidden to his kind. He is potentially in the middle of a war and he sees visions of a war to come. He is more than his weight or his appetite. He also should be a little more savvy at this point. And he just magically remembers because he only had good memories??? Fine, but weak as fuck.

GELLERT GRINDELWALD

JK wants me to believe that the man who couldn’t dodge a fucking glorified stick-hand-throw-toy creature was able to apparate onto a moving vehicle in bad weather above water. A magical move that is supposed to be hard even on stable, non-moving terrain. A magical move that can splinch and maim. HE COULDN’T DODGE NEWT, BUT HE CAN APPARATE ONTO A MOVING, UNSTEADY VEHICLE AT NIGHT. He’s supposed to be powerful – fuck yeah, I’m onboard – but damn, you certainly didn’t MAKE HIM POWERFUL IN THE FIRST FILM WHEN HE WASN’T BEING TORTURED FOR A YEAR BY MACUSA. I would have been more impressed and more keen to believe him escaping from inside the carriage that doing that OP move. The fight scene in 1 is so anti-climatic and here he is at the top of 2, exhausted hobo-mage doing an epic, unbelievably unrealistic fight scene.

Also fuck Abernathy. Fucking why. Blah. 

And then he throws that gremlin thing out the window. For no reason. What, to show us he’s cruel even though they’re building a morally grey narrative for him? Certainly doesn’t help endear me to him when the whole point of the film is he is charismatic and endearing and able to convince people that the world is grey and that the forces of good are not actually good for the people at all. Of which – so heavy handed about abuse of power. They cut his TONGUE out. Lovely. “AMERICA IS FULL OF BARBARIANS”, cool thanks got it. They have like magic to silence him, but they cut out his tongue. Wizards don’t believe in punching, but they cut out his tongue.

“He’s the hero of his own story, he’s morally grey, he’s doing it for the greater good, he’s charismatic and charming!”

Grindelwald: kills a family for their home, including their child (who honestly, based off his dialogue, I thought he was going to enslave and then he killed him. Has a whole bit about how they’re livestock and don’t need to all die, and then he kills all of them).

“He’s charismatic and easy to follow and has a point I swear!”

He just… He’s so boring. He could have been so interesting, so layered, and instead he’s contradictory and nonsensical and honestly I didn’t find him charismatic either – like what the fuck, I wanted so much more.

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

Actually he’s precisely the dick I expected based off the books. So not much to say about him, tbh, I think he was nailed down right. He’s manipulative to a disgusting degree and it shows. I’ve always had a love, hate relationship with Dumbledore and that definitely continued in this – so I don’t have much to say about him here. He was well done.

CREDENCE

What. The. Fuck. Now here’s what I’m pissed about with Credence. When we first see him, he’s basically BUSTING OUT OF PRISON (the Carnival). AWESOME. I AM ON BOARD. Where the fuck is this character development?! It feels like we were flung into the ending of another fucking movie. I’m so proud of him for stepping up, for making a relationship with another person, and for fighting for his safety and to escape. But JESUS YOU NEED TO SHOW ME HOW WE WENT FROM THE SNIVELING, TERRIFIED BOY WHO COULDN’T CONTROL HIMSELF TO THE HARD YOUNG MAN WHO FUCKING BROKE HIMSELF AND ANOTHER PERSON OUT OF A BAD, ABUSIVE SITUATION. How the fuck did he even get there? How did he and Nagini build a relationship so strong that once free she FOLLOWED HIM?! Like this is a powerful result of character building that we NEVER SEE FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

Also you expect me to believe that he – without once fucking bringing it up – fucking trusts and believes and willingly goes with Grindelwald? The man who stole another man’s identity, led him on a ruse, manipulated his emotions and then BURNED THAT RELATIONSHIP TO THE GROUND?! I get that he has information, but in my mind I think Credence could’ve have focused on a lot of different avenues before he ever came close to willingly going to Grindelwald. If Grindelwald were like snuffing multiple attempts at information at every turn (rather than just one attempt) - sure. But like… this man… AFTER EVERYTHING HE DID… I need MORE to make me believe Credence would have gone with him. God, I would have believed Credence fighting and pursuing him to find Mr. Graves. OR Grindelwald using Rossier to provide information through a face Credence could ‘trust’ and reveal at the end it was him all along. Perhaps Rossier gives him the information and then says, “I know someone who can help you avenge the life that was stolen from you. I know someone who can help you change the world, Credence. No more abuse. No more looked over children. No more pain. He’s speaking tonight in the cemetery. You should come with me.” And Credence goes and it’s Grindelwald – and his speech is a balm he didn’t know he needed, and finally he draws Credence up and says, “Look how I’ve paved the way for you, the lengths I’ve gone to, all for you. I want to rectify my mistakes, Credence. I want to help you. Let me help you.” There were just MORE BELIEVABLE WAYS, JESUS.

LETA 

…why the fuck did she walk into the fire? I know why she did, but on a writing stand point it was just to make the scene flashy, tbh. There were other fucking options. I just fucking can’t. I will say, I like the development in Leta. I like seeing the beast of burden on her shoulders. She still felt a bit hollow and like… unnecessary, tbh, and I hate that her and Theseus being together was only for drama that never gets talked about or fucking resolved. I feel a lot was missing for her – and for her relationships. Honestly I don’t care for her or Credence being involved. I’d much rather see Newt, Tina and the gang struggling to figure out how to battle discontent, fear and propaganda. This feels needlessly convoluted on an M.Night scale. She’s just there (narratively) to hurt Newt and Theseus. She didn’t have her own purpose for existence. 

PLOT HOLES

Film 1: NOTHING CAN SAVE A CHILD WITH AN OBSCURUS.

Film 2: THE LOVE OF A SIBLING CAN SAVE CREDENCE, PROBABLY, EVEN THOUGH HE’S HONESTLY DOING JUST FINE.

What a clean, one dialogue line fix to what was a HUGE PROBLEM in the last film across not only Credence’s timeline, but Newt’s with the girl from Sudan.

THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC IN FRANCE IS CALLED THE FRENCH MINISTRY OF MAGIC, WHAT THE FUCK. Like the FRENCH WOMAN who was working reception called it that. They don’t have their own unique name for their government. They were like “oh, guess we’ll just be the French version of the Ministry of Magic.” I’d get it if she’d been like, hello, welcome to [enter very beautiful french name here] and tina was like “what now?” and the woman rolled her eyes and said, “The French Ministry of Magic” like ‘let me spell it out for you, jesus’. But no. THEY MULTIPLE TIMES JUST REFER TO IT THAT WAY. I will never believe it wouldn’t have it’s own unique name. What the fuck. Like MACUSA isn’t the “American Ministry of Magic”.

Harry Potter Books: THE KILLING CURSE IS A POWERFUL, DARK AND ILLEGAL THING. YOU HAVE TO WANT TO KILL. IT’S SIGNIFICANT AND RARE.

Fantastic Beasts 2: Killing Curses everywhere. Just willy knilly. Everyone, even Aurors, casting killing curses. 

Queenie stuck at Grindelwald’s hideout because Rossier wants her to meet Grindelwald is quickly followed by Grindelwald basically saying “Join me” and then “You’re an innocent, leave this place.” The whole thing makes no damn sense, but cool, cool.

Also can we talk about JK just fucking regurgitating themes like a broken fucking record? TWO FATED BABIES, BOTH WHO END UP ORPHANS (well in this case one died) but like, TRAGIC SONS. Young boy who is abused in his foster care system but is SPECIAL ™. YER A WIZARD, CREDENCE. A FATED, TRAGIC BOY AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN KILL X PERSON. 

It’s just a hot fucking sloppy mess of a story on a writing perspective, and I expected more.

[ventrue-rosary]

13 for Amaranthe and Bal? (alternatively the kids ;D)

I’m mashing up these two prompts..well…because I can!

Amaranthe and Autumn are mine. Vander belongs to the asker, Winter and Balthazar to people who aren’t on tumblr

Her mentor prepared her for the difficult life of a blood hunter. Her mother had prepared her for the unpleasant realities facing a ruler. No one prepared her for parenthood.

Of course, common sense tells her caring for not just one, but two newborns would be challenging, to say the least.

But now on her third sleepless night, she was cursing all her mentors in life, all the gods she could name from memory and even herself as she tries to soothe her twins back to sleep. But she is only one woman, and they were two restless and unhappy babies.

‘Please, settle down,’ she whispers, feeling a tear slide down her face. ‘Please just sleep.’

Autumn and Winter finally fall asleep as the sky changes to a pre-dawn grey. Curled up together in their cot, facing one another, she might think it cute were it not for the restless nights they cause.

Amaranthe lingers for a few minutes, just in case they awaken before she silently slips out of their room  into her own, immediately face-planting the bed.

She barely falls asleep when wailing awakens her from the adjacent room. She groans into the pillow, mentally preparing herself to leave the comfort of her bed. She barely registers the shifting of weight on the mattress as Balthazar absconds the bed, entering the twins room. Amaranthe slips back into a deep sleep.

///

‘We need help,’ Balthazar says as she stares listlessy at her breakfast. ‘Amara? Did you hear me?’

She looks up at him from her plate of food. ‘Hm?’

‘I said we need help.’

‘I thought we agreed to raise and care for them ourselves.’ She’s being stubborn, she knows. They are new parents, they need assistance. But she feels oddly jealous of her children. The thought of another woman rocking them to sleep or suckling them at her breast fills her with anger.

‘We did, but we can't do this alone. We should hire a nanny.’

Amaranthe sighs and rubs her exhausted She’s too tired to argue. ‘Alright fine. Well get a nanny.’

As expected, many clamour for the position. Most don't even make it past the Council to secure a meeting with the Queen and Prince-Consort.

One eventually meets them, a striking young woman in a white shirt with a long train, black pants, ash blonde hair and red eyes.

Looking over the documentation of her previous experiences, Amaranthe is nothing short of amazed, though she intends to verify their legitimacy.

‘Your experience is impressive,’ Balthazar remarks. 

‘Yes it almost beggars belief,’ she mutters, placing them aside to give the candidate her full attention. ‘Odile, was it?’

‘Odette,’ she corrects with a saccharine smile.

‘My apologies.’

She shakes her head, still smiling. ‘A Queen apologises to no one. If I may, I just want to say I think it’s very brave what you’re doing.’

‘What do you mean?’

Odette leans forward as though sharing a secret, and she certainly shares a far too generous view of her cleavage, which is certainly not missed by Balthazar.

‘Most parents are too proud to admit they need a little help. I think it's great you realised your limits and reached out for help.’

Amaranthe feels a flicker of irritation that grounds her teeth together.

‘I mean....’ Balthazar leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. ‘We could have totally handled it. If we wanted to.’

Odette grins impishly. ‘Of course.’

‘My Council was impressed by you,’ Amaranthe interjects as the stares linger on each other for a bit longer than she is comfortable with. ‘And your experience speaks for itself. But that doesn't mean you are the ideal candidate. That is something me and my husband will have to discuss. If you wouldn't mind waiting outside.’

‘Oh, of course. Take all the time you need.’

She struts rather than walks across their chamber, the gait drawing attention to her long legs. Amaranthe might just throw up.

Balthazar looks to her with confusion. ‘What's to discuss? She's great.’

‘Oh, please.’ She rises from her chair, her agitated mind agitating her limbs. ‘Did you even listen to a word she said? Or were you too busy staring at her tits?’

‘I’m sorry, what?’

‘You were staring at her, don't deny!’

‘Well yes she was addressing us, what do you expect me to do, stare out the window?’

Amaranthe shakes her head. ‘You know what I mean.’

Balthazar sighs, rounding the table towards. ‘Ok maybe I looked. She has a voluptuous frame, hard to miss.’ He grabs at her dress with a devilish grin. ‘But it’s nothing compared to yours.’

Amaranthe rolls her eyes with a huff.

‘You’re adorable when you're mad, you know that?’

‘And you're an ass.’ Amaranthe wrenches her dress free and snatches Odette’s papers from the table. She turns to Balthazar with a sigh. ‘Well put her on a trial basis while I check to see if these are forgeries or not. When the results come back we’ll make a decision then.’

‘Amara, if she makes you feel uncomfortable--’

‘I’m not a child, don't speak to me like I’m one. Unless I have reason to worry about her presence here?’

‘Of course not! You're being ridiculous.’

‘And you're being insensitive.’ The door slams behind her, ending their debate.

Glancing down each side of the corridor she sees no sign of Odette, but spots the twins door, now ajar. She runs in to Odette bouncing Autumn on her hip, cooing gently to her.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Oh, I’m sorry! I heard this little cutie fussing so I came in to see if I could soothe her. Your children are so adorable. I can tell this little Princess is going to grow into a beauty like her mommy, aren't you?’

Odette continues cooing to Autumn, who babbles in response, grabbing a fistful of her shirt.

‘I think she likes me.’

‘Well, good news: my husband and I decided to give you a trial run. I guess it starts now since you took it upon yourself to tend to my children.’

Odette squeals happily. Autumn tries to replicate the noise. Even in her annoyed state, Amaranthe has to admit its cute.

‘Thank you, I won't let you down.’

‘I hope not.’ Amaranthe gives her children one last lingering look, the loves of her life she is about to leave in the care of a stranger. A qualified one mind, but still a stranger. ‘Right, I’ll leave you to it.’

Odette beams at her, then turns her attention back to the twins, placing Autumn down to pick up Winter. Amaranthe closes the door, and seeks out her spy master.

///

Amaranthe finds Vander in the garden, his usual haunt, playing with Elora. She watches for a few seconds, going unnoticed by the pair until she can wait no longer.

‘Vander?’

He turns to face her, scratching under the chin of the blood hawke perched on his forearm.

‘May I request a favour?’ she continues.

‘Of course, what do you need?’

She holds out the papers of Odette’s past positions. ‘Can you tell me if these are forgeries?’

Vander leafs through them curiously. ‘What’s this for?’

’A new hirling. They would have already been vetted by the Council members but I want  you to double check.’

‘I’ll look into it right now. It shouldn’t take long.’

‘Thank you.’

Vander gives her a nod and steps past her, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She exhales deeply, bitterly recalling her argument. Though still angry, she can hardly stay that way with the father of her children. She checks her reflection in the waters of the fountain. Dark bruises under her eyes, loose, limp hair, and remnants of pregnancy-fat clinging to her waistline. She almost can’t blame his attention being drawn elsewhere. Almost.

Amaranthe dashes the reflection with her fist, and sets off back to their chamber.

///

Balthazar is pacing as she returns wearing a look of deep contemplation and regret. He stops when she enters. They stare at each other for a long time

‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’

More awkward silence.

‘Oh, uh, these are for you.’

He hands her a bouquet of amaranthus, lillies and forget-me-not.s

She smiles, bring the flowers up to her nose to inhale their sweet scent. ‘You picked these for me?’

‘A peace-offering.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Mmhmm.’

She crosses the room to her bedside cabinet, placing the flowers in a vase. ‘I also wanted to apologise.’

‘Oh?’

‘I um, may have overreacted. I shouldn’t have accused you like that. Besides she is beautiful and I’m...’ Her words trail off, stifled by her own shame.

‘You’re what?’

She jumps as she heard his words whispered in her ears, his body only inches from her own. Turning to face him, she sees his eyes staring down at her with a dark, intense look.

‘I--I um...’ She stumbles over her won words as he pulls her close to his body, kissing her gently in the lips as he backs her towards the bed. The back of her knees hits the mattress. Balthazar pushes her down onto it before kissing her passionately as he settles down on top of her.

///

A different sound awakens the sleeping couple that night, a frantic knock on their door. Amaranthe ignores it at first, snuggling down further into Balthazar’s arms. But it sounds again, louder.

With a groan Amara leaves Balthazar’s embrace and the bed, pulling on his discarded shirt as she makes her way to the door.

She opens it to a frantic Vander.

‘Vander, it’s late what--’

‘I looked into what you asked. The documents are not forgeries, but the daughter of each of these families Odette worked for went missing after she left. I--’

Amaranthe doesn't wait around to hear the rest. She sprints towards the nursery, her legs not moving fast enough for the nauseating worry devouring her stomach. Winter wails loudly as she reaches the door, only further panicking her.

She flings open the door. There Odette stands in a revealing white dress, its high slit revealing black stockings. A wide-brimmed hat obscures her scarlet eyes, which flicker up from Autumn to Amaranthe.

‘Figured me out, handsome?’ she calls to Vander, her voice dripping with sex appeal. ‘It matters not. Autumn is mine now.’

‘Put her down and walk away, bitch.’ Amara snarls as her rite flickers down her trembling hands.

‘Are you really in any position to make demands?’ Odette holds one sharp, crimson-painted nail to Autumn’s throat. She wraps her fist around Odette’s finger.

‘You wouldn't dare!’

‘Do you really want to test that, lovely one?’

Vander aims an arrow. ‘There are none more skilled than a bow with me. I bet this arrow could pierce your wicked heart before you could put a scratch on her.’

Odette grins, looking right through Vander. Then she throws up her free arm. Both Amara and Vander are picked up from ground and flung against the wall, Odette’s magic keeping them pinned there. Vander’s arrow, loosed at the moment of impact, flies harmlessly over her shoulder. Both twins are crying loudly now, their cries breaking her heart. She struggles against the magic keeping her pinned, wanting to run to get children and protect them, but she isn’t strong enough.

Odette looks over Amara’s shoulder as thundering footsteps approach.

‘That's my cue to leave. But don't worry, I’ll take good care of her. I’ll be the mother you never could be.’

With a snap of her fingers, Odette vanishes with Autumn. Amaranthe and Vander drop to the ground. Balthazar immediately runs to Amara, helping her to her feet.

‘What happened?’

The shame and guilt keeps her eyes glued to the ground, watching her tears fall onto the carpet.

‘I lost our baby.’ Her words are a broken whisper.

In the surreal silence, as everyone struggles to come to terms with what transpired, Winter cries escalate to screams.

[drewstarky]

Puppy Love

Prompt: life is so much more beautiful and complex than a number on a scale

Pairing: Peter Parker x Plus Size Reader

Words: 1863

Warnings: Fluff, Slight Negative Self Image, Mentions of injury

A/N: This is for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan ‘s full figured fanatsy writing challenge. I had so much fun writing it, so enjoy!

As you looked in the mirror, you couldn’t help but feel disappointment. A boy had ditched you on a date because you weren’t willing to lose weight to date him.

“You're decent looking, but you could lose a few before we take things further.”

The words rang in your ears. Why did beauty have to equal thin these days? In the nineteen fifties women were raved to be big, the thicker the better. You also heard of a few girls being too skinny for some guys, who wanted the boobs a the bum, but not the girls who didn’t have the extra “assets”. You just wished one person interested in you could see past your weight, and get to know the person on the inside, what really mattered and defined you.

You also wished society wasn’t so shitty, like Ned and michelle’s relationship, who both were so totally different, but saw the good in each other. They had started dating a few months back and were what drives you to try to be patient for someone right at the time.

Looking back in the mirror, and cute outfit you had on, you felt so longing for one person to notice you like that. Peter freaking Parker. He always was interested in girls so beautiful, unlike how you felt now about yourself, and not to mention popular and charming. Everything you weren’t. Sure, you were nice, and okay looking, but you were a nerd, and not to mention a bigger person. You sometimes wished you could drop a few, but sometimes were okay, and even confident of what you looked like.

You would have been very upset later at the way you decided to treat yourself after the disappointing date. You decided to go to your uncle's bakery down the road, and eat your feelings away in cupcakes. Before you made it to the bakery, during the evening, you saw a dog, tangled in some old rope. He looked abandoned, and you ran over to help the animal out.

“Hey buddy, it’s okay… I’m going to help you.” you said, as you slowly approached the dog.

The dog whimpered as you slowly, and carefully untangled it, and you started to see the the rope burns on the dog you figured out to be a she. She looked like she was a brown pitbull, and licked you after completely untangling her.you laughed a little. She seemed extremely sweet. You decided to get her check out at the veterinary hospital you volunteered at ofrm time to time, just to be sure she was okay. You tried to pick her up, and struggled a little, as you weren’t in the best of shape, and it was what seemed like a sixty pound dog.

Right as you started to walk with the dog towards the veterinary clinic, a certain web-slinger-superhero swung in beside you. You became slightly startled and in awe of the hero standing right beside you, almost missing when he spoke.

“Looks like I’m not the only hero in this town. Now I might have some worthy competition!” the boyish sounding voice joked.

“Not all heroes wear capes… or spandex for that matter.” you quietly responded.

He laughed at that comment, seeming slightly familiar, yet you couldn’t decide if it was just your head playing tricks on you or not.

You started to struggle a bit again, and the man noticed.

“Here, let me help.” he said as he starts to take the dog from you with ease, “So where are we taking uh, he? She?”

“Well we're taking her to this veterinary clinic I volunteer at sometimes. They’re open late for emergencies.”

“Wow you even volunteer! you're really upstepping me here.”

“As if, you’re a literal superhero, and work with the avengers. I think we both know who actually wins here.”

    As you both walk towards the clinic, you can’t help but keep wondering how the spiderman spotted you out of all people and places he could have been near.

“So, uh, you were in the neighborhood, I’m assuming, since you probably have better things you could be doing?” you question.

“Uh yeah- I mean no, I mean-” you giggle a bit and he starts to laugh too.

“I just mean, yes, I was in the neighborhood, but no, I don’t have anything better to do right now. It’s been a quiet night.”

    You nod, understanding.

“So why were you walking alone? I’m assuming, at least.”

“Long story short, I had a date, and it went south, so I was walking to go eat my feelings at my uncle’s bakery.” you say quietly, hoping your embarrassment wouldn’t show through.

“Oh, I’m sorry. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”

You sigh, “He uh, told me I was too big for him to date basically…”

“That guy is a jerk, you’re perfect the way you are. Besides, he wasn’t worth your time, I think this girl here was better spent time than with him.” he says, motioning to the dog.

You blush at his comment. You felt a lot better, but wished you could just tell the person you most wanted about the disappointment. You were most looking forward to getting over your long time crush on your bestfriend, Peter, but things didn't work out that way.

“So, why’d you go out on the date in the first place?” he asks, after a few moments of silence.

“I guess because I’m trying to get over my best friend. I’ve had a crush on him since forever, and I guess deep down, I know he doesn’t like me. He always crushes on these pretty popular girls, who don’t look like me at all.” you pause, “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I guess you’re just trustworthy since you’re behind a mask, and a complete stranger.”

“Y-yeah, I guess, that and I save people, not that much but uh, sometimes, once and awhile.”

“Peter Parker is his name. I don’t even know why I keep hoping he’ll like me. It’s hopeless. I just wish I could talk to him about the date now… I feel too embarrassed. He even warned me you know?”

As the two of you kept walking, you noticed you were almost at the Vet Clinic. You mentally sighed, wishing that you could just dump all your problems out to Peter, and not this total stranger, that somehow felt friendly.

“I Think you should talk to him, the Peter guy, I mean. He is your best friend, and if he's a good of guy as you’re talking about, he’ll just talk to you about it. It’ll probably be better to get it off your chest to someone you know and not a total stranger.” he says, as you see the front of the vet clinic down the block.

“Thanks Spider man. I’ll think about it.”

you both go silent until you enter the almost empty Clinic waiting room, with only the receptionist, Jill there, seeming to be packing up.

“Hey Jill, is Dr. Vanessa Still in?” You ask, as you walk up to the counter and she sees the dog you have in spider man's arms.

“Yes she is, I’ll get her out here right now.”

    As soon as she comes out, you explain the situation and answer all her questions of the dog’s health that you know, and you carry her to the back to treat her wounds, and to also check for any signs of an owner.

When you walked out, Spiderman was nowhere to be seen, except for a note on the chair he was sitting on. You grab it, and studied it, and smiled.

Keep being a local hero, and be brave enough to talk to your friend. My duty calls!  - Your friendly neighborhood Spiderman

You sigh, and decided to do so, grabbing your phone, and texting Peter Parker. You start texting, and send it.

You were right peter… I feel stupid now… I should have listened to you.

He texts back a few minutes later.

I’m so sorry Y/N. I’ll be over in an hour with some things to cheer you up, okay? :)

You smile, feeling somewhat relieved, that you still had your friend, but also slightly upset that you couldn’t just tell him your feelings.

Replying with an “ok” you put your phone away, and a few minutes later, a patched up dog comes running out, wagging her tail to lick you and jump up a bit on you. You laugh as the cute attack happens and once she calms down, you get the rundown.

“So she’s all good, and will make a full recovery. Just needs the bandages changed once every few days and let the wound breathe sometimes. She doesn’t seem to have any owners, no chip or tattoo saying so, she’s about 2 years old,  A stray.”

“So, what you’re asking is if I want to keep her?”

Dr. Vanessa nods. You decide to ask your parents first, and you give them a call. Once they gave the okay, you couldn’t contain your excitement.

“I’ll get her chipped and a puppy package for you. Don’t worry about charge, as long as you keep volunteering here, that’s as good as payment.” Vanessa says.

You thank her profoundly, and decide on a name. You decided finally when Vanessa came out with a name tag and asked what to put on it.

“Patches, her name is Patches.”

An hour later you were at home with your new dog, Patches, and we’re waiting on Peter to come over. You decided you were going to tell him your feelings, and hoped for the best. You tried not to think off into what might happen, so you were petting Patches. A knock on the door knocked you out of your trance, and you told them to “come in”.

Peter emerged with movies in hand, with blankets from your living room, and his backpack, which you knew had junk food.

“Hey. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to watch a romcom or action so I brought both.” He says, before pausing, “you got a dog?!” He says with question and excitement.

You explain to him what happen with Spiderman, and how you found Patches. He then looked at you with awe you also add how the date went.

“You’re amazing, you know that? And life is so much more beautiful and complex than a number on a scale.”

You blushed at his comment.

“And that’s why I- i- need to tell you that I-“ he freezes up looking at you. He then leans in and seals his lips on yours. You’re shocked to say the least.

You start to kiss back after the shock, with it all ending shortly when your dog decided she wanted to kiss you both too.

You both start laughing loudly, wiping your faces.

“That’s a kiss for the memory books.” You say, still laughing.

Once the laughter dies down, you can’t believe he kissed you.

“Does this mean… you like me?”

He nods blushing.

“I like you too Peter.” You say before grabbing his shirt and pulling him in for another smooch.

[buglersboots]

My Experience with Prostate Cancer

I don't post this wanting anyone to feel sorry for me. I am pretty much recovered from this and am back to hiking 8-10 miles, lifting weights (although I'm not back to my pre-surgery poundage), bicycling 12-15 miles on the road, and 6-10 miles on the trails on my mountain bike. It's just something I want to get off my chest, and the anonymity afforded here makes it easier to say. And who knows, it may give encouragement to a person who is dealing with prostate cancer now.

The genesis of my story was late 2006 or early 2007, my yearly physical check up. My doctor said that since I was 45, he needed to run a PSA test to establish my baseline. About a week later, the doctor's office called and said that my PSA was abnormal and that he had scheduled an appointment with a urologist for follow-up. I kept the appointment with the urologist. He did the normal finger test and said that everything felt right. That was when I learned that a normal PSA is below 3 and that my score was above 10, a certain indication that I had prostate cancer. The urologist scheduled a date for what would become the first of several biopsies of my prostate.

I spent the time between that first meeting with the urologist and the biopsy learning about prostate cancer. First, when caught early, prostate cancer is almost always curable. Second, the cure has some unfortunate, life-long, and life-changing side effects. The most alarming are impotence, no more cum at orgasm, and varying degrees of incontinence. For an active person like me, the prospect of wearing diapers for the rest of my life was not something I looked forward to. Even worse, at 45, I still had hopes of having children, and the idea of being a permanent bottom was not appealing.

The day for the biopsy came, and I must admit that it was not as painful as I feared. Then came the waiting. Do I have cancer or not? If I have cancer, is it localized and treatable? Or has it spread, and I only have a limited number of days left? A week later, back at the urologist to get the results of the biopsy. Good news! No cancer in the biopsy! A month of worry and fret for nothing! But the urologist didn't sound as enthusiastic. Even though he removed twelve plugs from an organ the size of a walnut, all that meant was that there was no cancer in the samples. With my PSA as high as it was, it was a certainty that there was cancer in my prostate.

The next ten years included semiannual trips to the urologist for blood tests and finger tests. My PSA stayed consistently in the high 12s and low 13s. I endured two more biopsies, both of which were negative for cancer. As I said, the biopsy was not really painful, but for the next day or two, there is blood in your pee, and it takes four to six weeks before your semen is white again. But biopsies can damage the nerves that cause an erection. I don't know if it was the result of the biopsies or just my getting older, but my erections went from pointing up to the sky to 45° pointing to the ground.

In 2017 my PSA started rising and at my fall examination, it was over 17. My urologist recommended an MRI this time, saying that an MRI looked at the entire prostate rather than just a sample, and that it would find cancer anywhere in the prostate. Insurance balked at this, but my urologist was able to persuade them to cover the procedure. As with the biopsies before, the results of the MRI were negative for cancer. I dodged the bullet yet again.

My PSA continued to rise, and by the fall of 2018, it was over 23, a full ten points above what had been my normal reading. This time, my urologist wanted to do an extensive biopsy of between 24 and 36 cores. This would require that I be sedated and I would have to have someone drive me back home afterward. Finding a person willing to drive an hour to the hospital, wait two hours while I have the procedure done, and then another hour back home is a challenge for a single person with no family nearby and whose friends all have full-time jobs, but I did manage to get someone willing to kill half his day for me.

I arrive at the hospital and either insurance denied the extensive biopsy or my urologist had a change of heart, but he only took 14 cores. No need to be sedated, no need for a driver, another week of waiting for the results.

November 14, 2018, the results. My urologist walks into my examination room with papers in hand and says you have cancer. OK, is this one of the slow growing cancers that you do watchful waiting with or is it more serious? You have five cores that came back positive for cancer. Two have Gleason Scores of 3 + 3 = 6, two have Gleason scores of 3 + 4 = 7, and one has a Gleason Score of 4 + 3 = 7. These last three are concerning. In addition to that, one core showed cancer in 50% of the sample. The good news is that none of the cores showed perineural invasion, so we can fix you. At his last comment, I said to him that I know he didn't mean it like this, but I couldn't help but picture in my mind someone taking their dog to the vet to be fixed, especially given the similarities of the outcomes. We both had a good laugh over that.

November 29, 2018, preop consultation. During the two weeks following my diagnosis of cancer, I did a lot of research on treatment for prostate cancer. In addition to the three common treatments: surgery, radiation, hormonal therapy, I also learned about several other promising treatment methods in trials that did not result in impotence and incontinence. We discussed each one of the promising new treatment methods, and for each one, he explained why I was not a good candidate for inclusion in a trial. That left the three traditional treatment methods. He recommended surgery as the best option, because if the cancer comes back in the future, radiation or hormonal therapy are viable and relatively easy to do. In addition to that, I would still have viable sperm to harvest if I ever decided to start a family. Then I asked if he would do the nerve sparing surgery. He explained that even though my cancer was limited to one side of the prostate and had not penetrated the perineural, my high PSA, more than 3 positive cancer cores, a 4 + 3 = 7 Gleason Score, and at least one core with more than 35% cancer made me a poor candidate for nerve sparing surgery. So much for me ever being able to get a hard on by myself again. :(

Monday, January 7, 2019, surgery. Don't ask me anything about that day because I don't remember anything after they attached the IV to put me under. I was told that several people came by after surgery and that I carried on intelligent conversations with them. I'll take their word for it. My first post operation memory is waking up the evening after the surgery with crust on my face from my eyes down to my chin, like I had been crying. Was it from pain or because I just lost the ability to have sex on my own? I'm not sure. I don't remember being in pain, but they pump you full of pain killers after surgery also.

Tuesday, January 8, 2019, discharge. After a hearty breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, grits, coffee, orange juice, and biscuits, the discharge nurse enters. She provides instructions about how to care for the six incisions in my abdomen, how to care for and clean the Foley catheter, instructions for and limits to my physical activity for the next week, instructions about when to call the doctor or go back to the hospital if certain things happen, and prescriptions for half a dozen meds -- pain pills, antibiotics and such. I am out of the hospital by 10 AM the day after surgery. My driver is kind enough to take me to the pharmacy to pick up the meds. Why is the pharmacy always in the back of the store? It's not like people really want to walk to the back of the store the day after surgery.

Friday, January 11, 2019, return trip. In the four days since the surgery, I followed the discharge instructions as best I could. Don't stay seated for too long, walk at least once every hour for as far as you are able, keep the wounds clean, no lifting, take meds as instructed. But I had not had a bowel movement since the surgery, and it takes less and less food for me to feel full at each meal. After breakfast Friday morning, I try to take my morning meds with a glass of water. That was too much. I barely made it to the bathroom before I began to throw up the contents of my stomach. Uh-oh, the discharge papers say that throwing up is serious and to return to the hospital.

Back at the hospital, a series of x-rays and other tests results in a tube going up my nose, down my throat, and into my stomach to draw out the contents of my stomach. That was an experience I will not wish upon anyone. By that evening, it was determined that I needed to walk as much as I could, so a nurse came in every hour, helped me out of bed and I walked. At first, it was just in the room, and not too bad. By mid-day Saturday, it was "We need you to walk from your room, down the hall and to the nurses station and back." So here I am, showing my hiney to anyone who looks, dragging a rolling stand with my IV bags with one hand, a tube coming out of my nose, and my catheter bag in my other hand. What a frightful sight I was! The night nurse was a really cute, and really nice male nurse who was kind enough to get me a second gown to drape over my shoulders and hide my back side. He also set off my gaydar, I know you are not supposed to be able to tell us from straight people, but sometimes you just have to wonder. For some reason, I decided to lift my gown and look at crotch that evening, and I got the surprise of my life. My balls were the size of grapefruits and my dick had swollen so much that the skin of the shaft covered the head of my circumcised penis. I pressed the call button and a young female orderly came to my room a few minutes later. I did my best to describe my predicament in a way that would not get me labeled as some sexual deviant. She got my nice male nurse. He took one look at it and got the floor nurse because he had never seen anything like it. So now, the female orderly, my male nurse, and the female floor nurse are all in my room, looking at my swollen sexual organs. The floor nurse informs us all that the swelling was normal after surgery and that it takes care of itself in a week or two. That evening I have my first bowel movement since the surgery. It's only liquid, but it's a start.

The next day, Sunday, walking to the nurses station and back wasn't enough, now I had to walk the corridors of each of the four wings of the floor. I was told walking helps the swelling go down. I still had the rolling IV stand, my catheter bag, and the tube out my nose, but thanks to my night nurse, I could at least cover my rear end. By Sunday evening, I was starting to feel much better. I'm not sure if it was all the walking, the suctioning out of the contents of my stomach, or a combination of the two, but either way, my nose hose was no longer being hooked up to the suction pump. The bowels are moving more. In addition to green liquid, I'm pooping stuff that looks like coffee grounds. The nurses have to inspect what comes out each and every time I go to the bathroom. I feel sorry for them.

Monday, January 14, 2019, the nose tube comes out. One week after surgery. I get to drink water and eat ice chips again. Mind you that I have had nothing to eat since Friday morning, and the only times I was allowed to drink was when I took my meds. Since I am now consuming liquids, the IVs are all disconnected. A nurse accompanies me for my first lap around the floor to make sure I am OK. When we return to my room she says now do another lap by yourself. So now I am left to my own to do two laps around the floor every hour. About the time the other patients get lunch, they remove my nose tube, so I am only carrying my catheter bag for my hourly laps. My night nurse tells me that he can't get over how much better I look now compared to Friday night. I have to admit, I was feeling much better, so much better, that my perverted little brain was trying to figure out how I could get him into bed with me.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019, bye-bye catheter. For the first time since Friday morning, I get to eat food. It was only jello and cream of something soup, but hey, food is food. After breakfast I go down to x-ray where they fill my bladder with saline and take x-rays to make sure that the splice in my urethra has healed and is not leaking. If the swelling has gone down, I can't tell. I still have grapefruits hanging between my legs. My urologist comes by and tells me that after they remove the catheter, I will be going home. Excited to go home. Waiting. More waiting. Lunch of more jello and cream of something different soup. Still waiting. Finally two nurses come in to remove my catheter. They draw out the saline that has been keeping it in place in my bladder, and pull. Not a good feeling, but not as painful as I imagined. One of the nurses hands me a container and informs me that before I can be discharged, I have to produce enough pee to get to the mark on its side. If anyone has made it this far in my tale and has never had prostate surgery or never had a catheter for a week, let me educate you on something. When that catheter comes out, you have no bladder control. The kidneys send urine to the bladder and it pretty much comes on out by drips and squirts. So here I am, drinking as much water as I can stand, while at the same time holding that container under my dick, trying to catch every drop that comes out. Between my swollen balls, and surgery shortened still swollen dick, I can't sit down and collect my urine as it comes out, so I have to stand and walk around the room holding the container under my dick. My pee is still stained with a little blood from the surgery and the removal of the catheter, and a few blood clots that have been swept out by all the water I'm drinking. Between the water and the walking, I'm slowly approaching the line that the nurse marked on the container when I bump into the bedside table and drop the container. It hits the floor and spills all the pee I've so carefully collected. I have to start over. I have been so focused on filling the container with my pee, that I failed to notice that it is now supper time. Supper is more jello and cream of who knows what soup. That's when the nurse informs me that help prevent congestion at the front of the hospital, the hospital discharges each floor at a particular time, and that the floor I'm on discharges at 7:30 PM no matter what the doctor says. Finally, around 7:45, an orderly makes it to my room with a wheelchair and I'm on my way home.