#the tumblr jse community was HOME to me for years

[lazer-exe]

seán logging onto tumblr for the first time in 5 years, posting twice, and then immediately going silent again is the funniest thing ever

i KNOW he is GIGGLING to himself rn

[rogue-of-broken-time]

JSE Community Greet

Saw @archivefullofyoutubers start this, think it's a neat idea ^^

Preferred name: Rogue, or Kelly if you wanna use my irl name.

Preferred pronouns: she/her

When did you start watching JSE?

Well, uh, funny story about that… once upon a time in 2017 over the summer, I discovered his channel (I'd pop in to watch some videos now and then, but didn't "officially" sub and start watching a lot til September). One day, I was bored. Decided to check on his channel to see if anything good/new was there to watch. Saw a weird video– a thumbnail with glitches all over it and the title being "KILL JACKSEPTICEYE". Watched it for about 10 seconds, saw it was a medical game, noped outta there real hard, and never bothered to follow up on that until a couple of months later… so uh, yeah, I'd say late summer of 2017 xD

Why did you start watching JSE?

Frankly, it was because I'd seen this funny YouTube guy named Markiplier do some fun stuff with his friends Bob, Wade, and Jack, and I wanted more of Jack specifically. I had NO idea that it was even a thing they were so interconnected at the time. And now one could argue that I like Jack more. xD

What's your favorite things about the channel?

A lot of things, really, but overall I just really like how connected the community is. We've had our ups and downs (boy do I know it) but every little nook and cranny I've nestled into over the years here has felt like home, at least for a while. And I'm so glad to be part of a force for good in the world.

Do you have a fave ego?

Back in the day, JJ was my favorite. He's still up there, but now I can say with a degree of certainty that it's Marvin. I don't know why exactly, he's just SO appealing and I can't wait to know more about him.

What type of community member are you?

Theorist, baby! Oh, and I write from time to time. And edit as inspiration strikes. It really varies xD but I'd say most people probably know me for my theories. Those are a lot of fun to make ^^

What else do you enjoy?

Videogames of various sorts, D&D, talking with friends I've made through the community and sharing ideas. I'm always down to make things spicier than they need to be xD

Are you open to nice messages and new friends?

Hell yeah! I may be a theorist, but I am also a dumbass who has no clue what she's doing a lot of the time. As such, I may forget to respond in a timely manner (or at all), so if that does happen, I apologize profusely in advance– but please don't let this stop you from interacting! I really do love the interactivity that Tumblr offers and I'd love to share thoughts with you ^^

(Original JSE Greet prompt post here!)

[spirit-5000]

JSE Community Greet

Preferred name: Spirit/Rachel. I go by either so pick your poison lol

Preferred pronouns: she/her

When did you start watching JSE?: It was during the pandemic that I started watching JSE. I believe it was sometime in 2020, but I don’t remember the exact date. The pandemic years are all a blur in my mind lol. I do know that the first series that I watched that he did was his Among Us series. 

 Why did you start watching JSE?: It was honestly by accident. One day, I was sitting at home bored out of my mind and scrolling through my Youtube home page, when one of his Among Us videos popped up. Having been on the internet and tumblr for a while, I knew who he was, I just never had the interest to check him out. Well, happy to say that all changed that day once I clicked on that video and started watching. I couldn’t stop and I eventually subscribed later that year. Since then, I’ve watched a lot of his series playthroughs, the other content that he does (reaction vids and whatnot) and of course the ego content! 

What's your favourite things about the channel?: No joke, this community. I recently started interacting with members of this community a few months back. (I’ve always been a bit scared to interact with people online, especially since growing up I was always taught that online people are dangerous and unsafe) I can say that I have gotten over that fear and that everyone who I have met so far are lovely and beautiful human beings. Everyone in this community is so inclusive, kind, respectful, and welcoming. 

 Do you have a fave ego?: I like them all equally, but Anti was at the top of my list, because Say Goodbye was the video that got me hooked onto the ego lore like a moth to a flame (pun intended I suppose?) Recently though, that’s changed. Now, Henrik and Chase are tied at the top with Anti behind. I AM A SIMP FOR THE SEXY DOCTOR AND I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT. 

 What type of community member are you?: I suppose a lurker and a theorist. I usually lurk around tumblr, reblogging and liking posts from people who I like and follow. Although, I am wanting to post some of my thoughts and theories that I have about the ego lore soon. (Once I can get over my social anxiety lmao) That’ll happen one day lol. 

What else do you enjoy?: I enjoy a bunch of other fandoms alongside this one. The fandoms I am in are Supernatural, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Merlin, Good Omens, Marvel, Lucifer, Star Wars, Megamind, and a few others. I also enjoy playing my instrument, listening to music, playing video games, and talking with my friends.  

Are you open to nice messages and new friends?: Always! I really want to get to know more people in the JSE community, so I am always open to nice messages and new friends! 

Thanks to @archivefullofyoutubers for the prompt and idea! Prompt is located on their page or go here: https://at.tumblr.com/archivefullofyoutubers/jse-community-greet/h9nob8eptsj0

[seagullsausage]

i hate to be the one to say it but the next time real jse ego content comes out, i will be 30 years old with a wife and two cats, have had top surgery and will be working as an independent artist with a run down car and a little house in the suburbs. tumblr will be gone and so on blorbo.net someone will tell me Jacksepticeye is working on a new video with antisepticeye in it, and i will not be fucking surprised that it took him over 10 years to get off his ass and post something ego related with substance because he was too intimidated by the pressure his fans and community puts on him to make something Amazing that he has no way to fulfill. it will be fan servic-y and it will not lead anywhere, just add hype to a train that crashed 13 years ago. at that point in my life, i will not care. i will simply take my wife to see markiplier’s new groundbreaking comedy/horror film that took years of writing and effort to make and will go home and reminisce about my beloved oc’s that were based off a communities desire for an irish video game man to give them a complex arg that he was incapable of making. 

[innocent-angel3]

Tumblr Anniversary

So one year ago today, I made my tumblr account. I can't say how wild this year has been and how much it made me feel at home. I have a whole list of people thank so here we go:

Thank you to Sean and Mark for first of all showing me this platform filled with tons of amazing people to interact with. (Also thank you to @obviouslypancakes and @puppyrelp for redirecting me to this site through your animations)

To my followers: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to like my stuff and for sticking with me too!

To the jse/markipiler community: Thank you for the laughs and giggles and for making my day brighter. I love this huge big loving family I joined and I wouldn't replace any of you for the world.

I'm gonna tag some wonderful people that I looked up to that made my year (hope you don't mind): @isa-ghost @septicwhovian97 @jasmineon @beerecordings @jellyfishdooter @musical-in-theory @viostormcaller @dolphintreasureart @d-structive @kasper-the-ghost @dumbasticart @septicart-appreciation @annies-tart @huffletrax @septilover3

To anyone I overlooked because I didn't know you at the time but now I do or my brain simpliy isn't working, I apologize but thank you for following/ liking/reblogging my stuff!

Thank you all for making this one year unforgettable and thank you for allowing me to be my true self. Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year. For those who don't celebrate Christmas, Happy Hanukkah/Holidays! Love you all so so much and can't wait for what next year will bring.

-Pristine💚

[luverofsupernatural]

So, I’m seeing a lot of talk

These are just my thoughts under the cut. Feel free to scroll right on past

today, I started seeing some discourse about Jacksepticeye on my dash. And to be honest, some it hit home with me. I don’t watch Sean like I used to, or as much as I used to. His videos just aren’t that captivating most of the time. I don’t know what it is  (maybe commentary style, maybe game, I’m not entirely sure). In collab videos, I feel like I get to see him having genuine fun, and that makes me want to stay. Not saying he doesn’t have fun solo, but maybe it’s just less captivating?

And I’ve been thinking about this a while, but I feel like I’m here more for the community than anything else. Like, I don’t think I could have gotten through the past year of college without having some people I’ve met here to fall back on. I love seeing my friends and other tumblrs whom I really want to start converstations (nervous nellie here) and the content creators. And since I got back from my break, I’ve been trying to reblog more art or moodboards, or stories and leave comments because I absolutely LOVE what people create. ((usually it happens to be ego content because that’s the easiest for the JSE community, and honestly, has the biggest area for creativity since there is so little backstory that we have)).

Honestly, I LOVE that I got invovled in the fandom. For the people and for the creativity. Because, the JSE fandom is what got me back into writing, and I am SO GRATEFUL for that. And it got me Drawing, and doing moodboards, and inspiring some music. Like, ego content spurs my creativity and gives me an outlet.

And I don’t think Sean is a horrible person, but I don’t feel as connected to him as I did in the past, like, him talking to the audience like it was a one-on-one chat and you were in the room with him rather than talking to a large audience of fans (which, I know we are, but it’s more inpersonal).

For the most part, I’ve avoided all the drama that went on the past year, so I don’t know all the gripes people have (I know favouritism was a thing, what constitutes art, and I think there was some misconstruing of what PMA was). But, I know long time creators have left, and I am saddened by that. I don’t think I’ll leave because I enjoy doing things the way they are right now. But.... I just wish we were a family like we used to be.

[segernatural]

I’ve seen you post about Jacksepticeye and about Dan and Phil and was wondering how you think jacks fandom compares to the phandom. Do jack’s fans treat him better? It seems like the do. If so, do you think there is something dan and Phil could learn from him?

hullo anon!

This is actually a really good question.

When comparing the two fandoms, i think there's a fundamental difference in how dnp and jack interact with their audience. (Now, i'm not saying one way is better than the other or vice versa, just that they do have different methods of interaction.) Jack has been really into the community aspect of his channel. I dont often thing of his fans as having a fandom, but as the "JSE community"--and the reason i have that association is because jack pushes that association.

Whereas with dnp, the interaction is just kind of, we're all apart of this beast known as the phandom.

An important thing to note though, is the difference in content between them. (Insert "regular uploads vs not" joke here) jack's vids have almost been exclusively gaming related, along with his audience interaction videos (reading comments/tweets, jse's funniest home videos, the shorts saga), and his ego's videos. This means that jack is a very "raw" person--he may exaggerate/emphasize parts of his personality, but as he's just playing games, he doesnt really have a "persona". Its just kind of, him. (Especially in 2018) And he makes a point to humble himself in that he's been doing this so long, he acknowledges he's changed, etc. But he's always the "this isnt about me, this is about building a community". Jack prides himself on giving feedback on video games and analyzing them. Sure, he shouts and swears and laughs, but he projects himself as a "serious/professional/mature" person.

Versus what dnp do, which is anecdotes, stories, entertainment, and gaming (but the gaming was less about the game and more about their banter). Dnp have been trying to evolve into more "proffesionals", but the audience is hung up on their "2014" phase, projecting what they want onto dnp, and making them scared of changing it and losing the best thing they have. I wouldnt say dnp are "fake" by any means, but as an entertainer, they do have personas they put on. (Again, like jack, less so in 2018/19) but the point is, as creators, they have two very different videos.

Now, the odd thing here, is that jack has 21+ million subscribers, where dan and phil individually both have over 4. Thats over 4 times the amount of subscribers, yet the JSE community is one of the best one's i'm a part of.

The thing about the phandom is, its gigantic. Phil can post 1 video, totally scheduled and planned, that we all knew was coming, and not be mind-blowingly unique--and phil will be trending on tumblr. The phandom have "outgrown" dnp, in the sense that its larger than they could ever imagine it being. Especially considering that the creators have been on the platform for over 10 years, compared to jack's over 5 (is it 6 now? Im not sure).

Now, back to the "do i think jack's fans treat him better?" Overall, yeah. I do. But there are still tons of people saying they want the old jack back, they want the green hair, they want this, they want that, they shove s********r down his throat. The main difference between that community and the phandom is that in JSE's community, people sit down and go "hey lets maybe not do that?" And make people stop harrassing him. Whereas in the phandom, if you try to say "hey maybe we dont need to know every little thing about them" you get slandered as an anti, bullied, and sent threats. I've got some other posts (here, here, here, and here) expressing some thoughts about the phandom and its lack of control and self-awareness, but the truth of the matter is this: the phandom has one opinion, it has one function. If you are a part of the phandom, you obey its wills and wishes, pushing extreme boundaries and not voicing your opinion if you disagree.

However, the picture i posted of jack the other day (here) i was actually screenshotting this comment:

Because all of the comments on jack's latest FHV, were about the supposed "hickey" on his neck, and badgering him about it, demanding to know more, poking fun at it. Which reminded me an awful lot of what the phandom does. Unfortunately, people are always going to be rude to creators.

So i dont think there is anything jack is doing that dnp can learn from, i think the phandom itself has lots of growing up to do and realize that dnp are actually people and not just puppets they can shout at and manipulate.

The only advice i have for dnp is to keep reminding us that the loudest voices dont always represent what all of us think, and that its important to say what you believe, even if it might be the unpopular opinion. (They talk about this on the ii commentary.)

Thanks for the question anon! Hopefully this literal essay answered it. If not, im totally down to try again! Feel free to dm me if you want to discuss it further, i find the disparity between the 2 communites quite stark. 😊

[theshapeshifter100]

New Years, thing

Well, I’m technically late, but here goes nothing. Time for a reflection that no one’s going to read because who has time for that bullshit?

It’s been a mixed year, as to be expected. For those who have been here long enough will know that my mum passed away in October 2017, so 2018 has been a year of firsts without her. We’re still yet to have a normal Christmas at home, and I think dad’s dreading it.

On the other hand, I have put more work into my mental health, and finally started seeking help. In my can’t be arsed, having an intervention kind of way.

Basically, the Safeguarding Officer at my TKD club, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, took me aside and basically said, ;you need to see a doctor and work on this’ after I had a bit of a vent to another friend in the club after I failed my 2nd Dan grading which included some sensitive things. Things a Safeguarding legally has to be told, so I’m not upset that I essentially got ‘ratted out’

I haven’t gotten as much help as I should have, I’m not making myself work on it as much as I should be, as much as I said I would, and it is laziness and procrastination. Nothing else. And also getting annoyed at people assuming that my mum’s death is making my mental health worse. Actually the opposite is likely true, I just got a bit of an eye opener because my mum died relatively young (64).

It’s also been a bit up and down with how severe it is. I recognise that my anxiety is not that bad. I personally know people who have it a lot worse. However, over the past year I have started noticing the triggers more and when I’m more likely to panic. I don’t know what to do with that information other than know when to prepare myself, but I guess it’s something.

For the good stuff in the year however. I went to South Africa to gain experience in a different sector to wildlife conservation that I can’t really do at home and while it wasn’t perfect, it was the best few months of this year. I want to go back so bad.

When I got home we almost immediately started planning a big family holiday (which we’re only half way through) to see a bunch of family in New Zealand and Australia, topped of with five days in Japan, which I can’t wait for!

My writing has also been good this year. The massive fic I’ve been posting since July? Yeah I wrote that in two months. I should really do NaNoWriMo one year XD. @thewatchau has also been helping a lot with my writing and I’ve been damn near obsessed with the AU since I came across it.

I suppose this segues into JSE stuff. I got to go to the London Show of HDWGH in November with my friend and my sister. While there I met @tinypaigie @malteaser13 and @kenziebeedraws to name a few, and you’re all sweethearts. They all also verbally invited me to join various Discord servers, which I still haven’t done anything about because being part of such a large chat group kinda freaks me out. I remembered what it was like in a massive group in Skype and it felt like I was losing my mind. Maybe I’ll try something this year, see how it goes.

Then, er, that post. You know, the post that got over 1,000 damn notes and got the attention of what felt like everyone in the damn community, including people I greatly look up to and don’t dare tag and jacksepticeye himself! Most of you guys are probably here from that, and I hope I didn’t disappoint!

And just, this damn community. I only joined the tumblr side earlier this year, I’ve been floating around since October 2016, but never really got involved until Mark did WKM and I got really invested in the theories, found @rogue-of-broken-time and the rest, as they say, is history.

Hopefully I try and get more involved with the community this year. I always complain about feeling isolated, yet I don’t interact with anyone much. Let’s dump that habit in 2019 and stop being so asocial, huh me?

Finally, a thank you to a few more people. @valkyreskye for your words of support since the very beginning. You introduced me to the kindness of this community and just, yeah. You’re great.

@nightmarejim for wanting to be in on my stories (even if you don’t always keep up. That’s cool, it happens to all of us) I always look forward to what you have to say when you reblog my chapters and you just seem cool.

EDIT (because my memory is bad)

@nightmarejasmine and @way-ward-soul for just appearing in my notifs often. I don’t see them on my phone, so I blame that that for now.

There are a few more people, but I’m nervous about tagging them, so I’ll leave this here. Happy New Year, and may 2019 be great.

[nich-moon]

How Seán/the JSE community helped me?

[TRIGGER WARNING]

Welp, let's get this feelings out then.

The last... All years of my life... Have been pretty tough. I grew up having to handle bullying, physical and mental abuse. For so long, I didn't have anyone to talk. I didn't had friends, I talked about all of this with my mother.

Then, I changed school and things got worse. I was having cyberbullying on the first 6 months in the new school. In 2015, my mother discovered a breast cancer. Neither I nor my father knew what to do. I had two or three friends to talk with, but I was isolating myself and getting even worse. I started hurting myself.

My mom had almost recovered of her sessions of radiotherapy when my father started drinking. A lot. We fought and he promised me he wouldn't drink anymore. A pinky promise. When he told me that he had drunk again, he almost cut his pinky finger of. I stopped him.

(About this time, I started watching Jack)

Last year, my father had an motorcycle accident. Had to do 2 surgeries and stay home for 6 months. He was almost going insane. Me too, cause I was the one taking care of him. At this time, I still didn't had the time to recover from all the shit I've been through. When he got better, he exploded. Said horrific things to me and my mother. I wanted to flee.

Some months after, I discovered that my best friend had been sexually assaulted by my other best friend, who I considered to be a brother to me. I had to step back, stopped talking to him and help my friend to recover. It broke my heart so bad. I wasn't feeling good with myself at the time too. We had a school trip to a cliff. People got scared when I sat and the end of the cliff. I wasn't worried. Yes, I wanted to jump. But I still had to take care of my friends and my mother.

At the start of this year, I was at the bottom of the pit. I gained 5kg, my knee dislocated for the 2nd time, I couldn't see myself in the mirror, my friends were pretty fucked too. I wasn't getting out of my house or my bed, and stopped eating and talking. When I had another panic attack and my mother helped me through that, she asked me if I wanted to have therapy. I said yes.

I started watching more Jack and Mark. Started to be involved more in the two communities. Started therapy. Started going to psychiatrist too. Started to study more. Take care of myself more. The whole P.M.A movement helped me a lot. It still helps. Seeing Sean and Mark take their time to take care of their mental health showed me a lot. Showed me that we are all human and we all have our boundaries. That we all deserve to be happy.

To be honest, at the end of last year, I didn't thought I was going to survive this year. Here I am. I still am going through a lot of things, but now I know that I'm not alone. This last few months, i've been more involved in the JSE community, participating in projects, writing theories,, drawing fan arts. I've even joined a discord server called "The Jse Discourse". And oh boy, they helped me a lot. When I say a lot, I mean a lot. This week, I asked for help here on Tumblr. I got some responses from the JSE community.

Now, I'm 17 years old. Lost 11kg throughout the year (in a healthy way, to be clear). Got closer to my friends, I separated myself from toxic people in my life. I have a better self-esteem now. Now I know, life can be tough, but I'm tougher.

Sean taught me a lot of good things that I'm going to take for the rest of my life. He helped me, even not knowing who I am, even being an ocean of distance of me. He helped me save my life. The JSE community helped me save my life.

Thank you, guys. Thank you.

@therealjacksepticeye

[poppyknitt]

Forgiveness- A JSE Egos Fanfic: Thanksgiving Special

Recap: Over the last few months, Anti has attacked a few times, but was subdued on his own birthday by Marvin, whose mind had been corrupted by his overuse of dark magic, which is kind of like black magic, but much, much worse, and much, much more controlling of the mind if used to a certain, varyinge extent. Chase, who is no longer stuck as a ghost due to Marvin’s recklessness prior to their “victory”, and now fully functional, seems to have managed to save his kids and ex-wife Stacy from her new boyfriend, who was seemingly very controlling and even a bit abusive of them, whilst still being a ghost. Jackieboyman proposed to his girlfriend of two years, Ava, and seems to be very near quitting the superhero gig, so as to not put his fiancé at risk anymore, but also, so he can be a good father, as she’s apparently pregnant with his son. After celebrating their anniversay on a beautiful cruise ship, Jackie managed to come back to shore within enough time to join the remaining egos, and Seán himself, for Jameson’s birthday! Henrik is still recovering from the wounds he recieved in the battle that took place on Anti’s birthday, but he is thankfully healed enough to be back on the job!

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

Warning- Long chapter! I would put a keep reading thing, but I’m on mobile, and you can’t do that on Tumblr Mobile, sadly! (*cough* TUMBLR DEVS, FIX THIS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! *cough*) Also, if you are triggered by any amount of cursing, or the mention of severe, temporarily disabling injuries, I suggest you skip to like, the last two paragraphs. Which may be hard, because apparently there’s almost 100 paragraphs in this fic.

[November 15th]

Marvin opened his eyes, and panicked, as he noticed that he wasn’t in his body anymore. He could see himself, but... it was like his body had gone into temporary stasis. He took a moment to himself, trying to recall the events that lead up to this... Ah, yes! That’s right...

He’d started playing around with the occasional black or dark magic spell about a year back, but had used them so little for the first few months that it barely affected his mental state. As time went on, however, he came to realize that soon enough, simply just using the same old magic spells on Anti as he’d always used wasn’t going to do jack shit to help defend his brothers. So, even though he didn’t want to break the promise he’d made to Jackie and Seán, he started full-on dabbling in dark and black magic, convincing himself it was the only way to keep them safe.

But then, in September... Jackie was brutally struck down by Anti, and Marvin had been lucky enough to pinpoint his location just in time to save his life, and trick Anti into thinking that he was dead. That moment... That was the moment it all took a turn for the worst. The next thing he’d known, his mind was entirely consumed by the darkness he’d slowly been inflicting on himself by using dark magic in the first place, and, by the time october came around, he’d been kicked out of his body, in the sense that he’d lost control of himself, and was being piloted by the aforementioned darkness. He’d been forced to watch in horror as his body tore his brothers down, one by one, until only Seán and Henrik remained untouched by his corruptive new abilities. Each time he attacked one of them, he’d been screaming for them, calling their names out desperately, trying to tell them he wasn’t in control. But... None of them even heard him in the first place... All they could hear in those moments was the evil momologues that his body was spewing.

He slowly started loosing himself in his recollecting trance, his mental state spiraling downwards as he slowly merged into self-deprecation and self-hate type thoughts; the kind he’d only ever read about before he started dabbling in the arts. It wasn’t until he heard a faint, staticy voice calling his name out that he snapped back to reality.

“Mavvy? Mavvy can hear?! Mavvy, say something!” Robbie’s voice called to him.

“Robbie?! Are you here with me?! How are you contacting me-?!” He exclaimed in confusion.

“It work! Mavvy! Calm! Can tell you have many question, but Mavvy not need fear; Will explain!” Robbie’s slightly raspy voice told him. It sounded like the zombie was... overjoyed to hear from him? But... Didn’t he remember the outburst..? Did... Did he not care?

“... Well..?” His voice shimmered hopefully, but it was muffled by the anticipation and fear that hung heavily on his soul.

“Henry left ghost communicator on table! Thought maybe I could contact Mavvy with gadget! Was worried would not work, but very glad it did!” Robbie exclaimed happily.

“... He left what now?”

“Ghost communicator! Jamie and me use ghost communicator for speak to Jackie and Chase when Mavvy was being mean!” He could almost hear the overjoyed grin Robbie must’ve had plastered on his face, “Mavvy come to park, yes? Want speak in person!”

“Uh... Listen, um, Robs... I’m... Sorta not in control of myself anymore, if that makes any sense..? I, uh, may or may not have been kicked out about a month ago... ‘ve no clue what happened between the fight with Anti and today, honestly... I... sorta blacked out. Jackie’s last words to me were pretty painful...”

“Oh! Understand! Is okay! Will just find you instead! Ghost communicator also locate ghost!” Robbie beamed.

“... That’s not a good idea, Robs... Look, just... Give me a few days. I’ll need time to do what I plan to do, but if it works out well, I... Things should be back to normal soon, okay..?” Marvin said softly, his heart heavy in his chest, as he knew it wasn’t true. His brothers... they... they’d never forgive him for what he did...

Yeah, that’s right... yǫu’ll͠ ǹever ҉be ͡fo̵r̛gi̵v͞eń,҉ ̷M̸a̡r̢v͢iņ. ̧Y͟o͘u’r͏e ͜all ̛al̡o͠n̵e͠.͜.͠. ̨I̢ń ͜f͟act̴, I͟ ̸bet҉ ͟th̢at͞ ̸t̢h͢i͢s̴ w͏h͏o̷l͢e̕ thi͝n̛g ̡is ̨all͞ à ͝ĺi̛e̷. R͡obb̧ie ͢d͠o͜e͞sn’͡t̶ w̸a̷nt͠ to t҉al̡ķ.͝ He̷ ̛w͢a̡n͢ts ̸t̶ó lu҉re͘ ̛you int̸o a̸ ̵t̛rap.͡.̨.̵ Y̛ou c̴a͏n̛’͞t t̨r͟ust t́hem̛ ̷a̴ny͟m̀o̡re..͝.̨

He clenched his teeth as the thought came to mind. He had no clue why these thoughts were even there, but they’d been plaguing him since he came to. He couldn’t pin the voice in it, either. The sound was far to glitched and distorted to have any meaningful, recognizable pitch. God, he hated not knowing what was going on.

“Okeh! Will wait! Is fine! Mavvy is okay, yes? Mavvy remembering PMA?” Robbie’s last question almost made Marvin choke in surprise. Okay, yeah, sure, Robbie was probably the most positive of their group, but..? He’d never outright stated such a thing before, so it did happen to take him by surprise.

“H-heh... U-uh... Y.. Yep! I’m... I’m doing fine, Robs... Talk to ya later, ‘kay?”

“M’keh! Hope Mavvy plan work!”

~~~~

“R҉ìs̴e ̵a͟n̨d ͟shi͝ne,̷ m͏y̡ friend.͜ ͢Y̷ou͞’̵v͞e ̧been ̷as͜lee̶p ҉for f̕ar̵ ͞toó ͘lo̵n̢g..͠..͞” A figure stood over the limp, frozen body that belonged to this world’s Anti, the only visible features on its face being a sadistic grin, and its eyes, which held a faint red and green glow. A faint green light began to radiate around Initiative, and he coughed faintly as he slowly got up, and tilted his head to glare at the newcomer.

“Giv̢e me҉ ͢o͠n̴e ̢goo͢d̢ ̶rea͢son ̡n̡o̕t̷ tò t̀ęa̶r̸ y͡o͝u͠r gu̡t̨ś ͡oưt͡ r͏ight̵ ḩe͏re ͜and͟ n̵ow̕, ͏jus̷t fo̢r͠ tr̶essp̨as̷s͡ing ̡i͜n͞ ̕m͜y҉ wo̡rld͠!”

~~~~

[November 22nd]

Marvin managed to return to his body, and gasped desperately for air as soon as he regained control, as though he had been holding his breath the entire time he’d been out of control. He looked around wildly, his emotions and anxieties returning all at once, as his ability to feel, which had been lessened without the help of his body’s input, suddenly rammed back to his mind’s registry all at once. His eyes were wide, as he slowly got a grip of the surrounding world. He... Was this his pocket dimension?! God, he hoped so. Otherwise, he must’ve chosen a really stupid place to pass out for about a month in. Just as he started calming down, he sensed the atmosphere in the mostly pale-gold dimension change to something more sinister, and something inside of him screamed for him to run.

A shrill bout of distorted, maniacal laughter errupted from behind him, accompanied by fast footsteps, which were evidently getting closer, and he took that as his cue to get the hell out of there. As he ran, he noticed a rift in the dimension in the distance, and bolted straight for it, as a knife flew past him, inches away from skimming his flesh. He shot some offensive spells towards the demon he knew was following him, though, he didn’t really pay any attention to what the spells were. He took note that the rift was very clearly shrinking in size, albeit at a slow pace, and sped up a bit.

No͟w’̢s̡ y͟ou̷r ̸chan̕ce,͞ Ma͡rv̡in! Use̢ ̀ơn̢e̕ ̵of͠ the ͘i͠n̸p̀ri̵sonm̧e͞nt ̛spells ̸o͜n͡ ͞him ҉w̨hi̛l̷e͘ ͞he’s d̡o̕wń.҉ ͞Yo҉u wo͏n’̶t ̴ge̷t ́aņo̶the̡r ̢c͟ha̸n̶ce̴ to͢ ͠kȩep̛ h́im ̸con̢t͘ain͢e̛d!

There it was again! Couldn’t that damned voice’s owner just leave him alone?! He wasn’t stupid, he knew they were trying to sabotage him!

No͘w, ̀nơw,̨ Ma̧r̴vi̷n.͏.̸. Th͟e͟r͜e’̵s͘ ņo n͜e҉ed ̶to͠ ̶b̕è so̴ ŗųd̀e. I͞’͝m ̴on͢ĺy ̸try͡ìng͝ ͝to̶ help.

... Shit, they can read his thoughts? Agh, nevermind that! He knew he had to get somewhere less open, and that’s all that mattered!

He got to the rift, and without even so much as a thought about what he was doing, he jumped through, just as it sealed itself. He realized he’d closed his eyes as he went through, and opened them after a few moments of hesitation. When he did, however, he regretted it, because he found that he was in some sort of interdimensional void, falling head-first towards an unseen point, as random objects and such seemed to float around him. He swiftly went over all the spells he knew, searching desperately for one that would bring him home. When he got to the one he’d usually used to travel between his pocket dimension and the real world, he took a deep breath, and cast it so that he would fall straight into the portal.

He set the coordinates to a secluded area in the woodlands of one of the parks he sometimes visited when clearing his head, and grinned to himself when he saw the portal open up. Within no time, he shot through it, and realized he had accidentally set it to drop him directly onto the ground.

He yelped in pain when he slammed into the earth nearly headfirst with a sickening thud, his hearing briefly getting taken over by a shrill ringing sound. His head was spinning painfully, and he figured he’d probably need to get medical attention soon, since he at least had a concussion. He shakily stood up after a few moments of battling his instincts, which screamed for him to stay where he was, as his vision swirled and spun, while he staggered to keep himself standing. He knew it was a long shot now that he was back in his body, but he figured if he tried to contact Robbie through the locator again, he could possibly direct the zombie to his approximate location. He stumbled over to a tree, clutching his chest with one hand, and grabbing onto the tree for support with the other, or, at least, he tried to. He cursed under his breath as pain shot through his arm, and he figured he must’ve landed on it wrong, so, instead of agitating it further, he just leaned against the tree.

“R.. Robbie... C-Can you hear me..?” He wheezed, despite the pain that seared through his chest as he spoke. His vision was blurring again, so, he turned a little, and slid to the ground, sitting with his back propped up against the tree.

A few minutes passed, and he started loosing hope, until finally, he heard, “Mavvy! Did plan work?”

“Y-.. Yeah.. I think I’m... Injured badly, though.” He said, a few weakened coughs interrupting his speech.

“Injury?! Where Mavvy?! Will bring Henry, no worry!” Robbie was clearly very worried.

“Wh- No-! No. No Henrik. Jus- Just come alone, okay? Get- Get JJ to send an ambulance to the park, alright?”

“Why? Henry still mad?”

“Mos.. Most likely, y..yeah.” God, it hurt to admit that.

“Okeh then! Will tell Jamie, then come find Mavvy!”

“Thank you for understanding, Robs.”

“Is not hard!”

After that, everything sort of blurred together, and everything seemed to slow down, as his ears began ringing again. He knew he was close to passing out, but if he had any control over it, he wasn’t going to pass out until he knew he was safe.

S̀e̛e̴ w̸h̴a̸t̕ h͢àp͜p̀e̡ns w̛h͠en̕ ́you̷ ḑon’͝t̸ li͏s͡ten͡? ̧Th͡i͟s̨ ̴who͟l̸e̡ ͏s͝itu͞a̸ti͏o̷ǹ ͜co͟ul҉d h́av̴e b͡e̛e̢n ͢a̕voiḑed ̸i̸f y̛o͞u͟ h͝ad͝ ju͟s͠t҉ list҉ene̴d͢ ̷to̶ ͝me when̕ ͢I̶ ̵t͝o̢ld ̧y͝o̸u ̵t̢o ͘ųśe̴ ̷the͡ i̧np͡ris̵o͠nm͠e̷n̡t̡ spells.̧

He barely even registered the thought in his broken state, as his mind spun wildly, to the point that he couldn’t even tell whether he was thinking or not.

Just as he thought Robbie was never going to come to his aid, he heard the zombie yelling his name. In no time, he was by his side, and with JJ’s help, he pulled Marvin to his feet, and the two of them carried him for a bit. He could hear sirens at some point, and as his vision, which still spun, slowly started to fade, he was placed on a stretcher. The ringing in his ears was so loud by now that the voices of the EMTs and his youngest brothers were muffled beyond recognition.

After that, everything went black, and he woke up surrounded by darkness.

“O͘h de͝a͢r...̷ ͏loo҉ks̕ lik͠e̡ ̀y͡ơu̴r ̵m̴ista̡k̵e̶s҉ ̧en͝ded up ̴p͞utt̴ing͟ y҉ou ͜i͜n͞ a͏ ba͟d ̕s҉i̶t̛uat͢i͏o̧n̸ ̕y͏e҉t a͏gain... I̛t҉’s͟ ͠à ͜shame͡,̴ r̡ea͠l͟l̢y.̧ ̶To ͡t͝h̢ink ̢t̶his ̨co̷u̢ld͢’ve ̶a̛ll͜ ̶b҉èe͘n avoidèd̵ ̡if͝ ̶yo͝u̵’͜d́ ͏júst ļist͘e͢nèd͢ t͡ò ̵m͟e.͘” The voice was all around him now. He looked around, and found a large “screen” was behind him. On it, he could see a human’s face, however, their eyes were impossible to make out. From what he could see, however, it was a face much like his, and by effect, the rest of the egos’.

“What the hell do you want from me? Who are you?” He snapped, glaring boldly at the screen, his eyes seeming to glow dimly in the darkness with agitation.

“A͜h,̛ ̵ah͠,̶ ah, ̧M̧ar̛vi͟n.̡ ̡Ḑo͡n’͠t ̷you ͠thi͟nk ̀y̶o̧u’r͜e̶ ͘ge̡t͠ti͘ng ̶a̕ b͏it ̨too̴ ̴f̕iesty͝? ̕Y̕ou͡ s҉h͡ou͘ld n͘èver ̸q̀uestiòn͘ t̀ho̸s̶e ̨who̴ ̀aŕe onlý ̧tr̸yi͢n̵g ͠t͡o͡ ̷hèl҉p. I͘ thou͡g̛h̀t͏ ͝you’̕d̡ ͘kn̢o̕w tha̴t̵ by͏ ͘n͟o̕w͠.͝”

Ouch.

“Just answer the damn questions!” He spat, having to restrain himself from breaking the screen in front of him. They seemed to consider it, however, a distant, muffled voice calling his name interrupted.

“O͡h͝,̕ d͡o ̕ỳou ̴h҉ea̵r ͏t͟haţ? I ̧t͞h̡ink̸ you̧r̢ f͏rien҉dś are͡ ̡ge̛ţt͝i͞n̢g ̷des͝per̨a̴t̛e͝ to͟ se̸e y͝oư o͡kay̕.҉.͜.͝ I͟ h̢àd b̛e̸s̛t b̕e͟ ́l̕ea͏ving,҉ t͘he҉n͘.̧”

“Hey! Wait, no! I’m not done with y-!” He began to protest, but the screen shut off before he could finish, leaving him in total darkness, and still pretty freakin’ pissed.

~~~~

Henrik watched skeptically from the doorway as Robbie repeatedly called out to Marvin, who was unconscious, and in a hopsital bed. The magician had apparently provided no explanation for his substantial amount of injuries, but if he had to take a guess, it was probably a result of him failing to properly place one of his interdimensional portals so that he didn’t slam into the ground at a ridiculously high speed. Last time it’d happened, though, he’d slammed into the roof of the Egos’ house from about three feet up. Given the amount of bone fractures in comparison to scrapes, it’s probably safe to say that he learned something from that little incident, though.

A few minutes went by, and Marvin finally stirred. Henrik tensed, preparing to see the corrupt, violent magician he’d seen only a month ago, but shockingly, his eyes held a much softer, more human look than they had before. One thing was certain, though- Marvin wasn’t at his full strength, even without his injuries. In the back of his head, he started to wonder if perhaps, Marvin had actually managed to undo the damage he’d done to his sanity.

“Mavvy!” Robbie cheered happily, instantly jumping to gently hug his brother.

The magician hesitantly returned the gesture with the one arm that was actually functional, trembling a small bit as he did so, “Wh...? Oh, hey Robs... Where’s JJ..?”

“Jamie outside hospital! Will go get him! Henry keep Mavvy company, yes?” Robbie looked at him when he mentioned his name. Henrik blinked uncertainly for a second, and rolled his eyes.

“... Sure, why not.” He said, taking note that Marvin looked hurt by the harsh tone in his voice. Robbie grinned, let go of Marvin, and darted out of the room.

Marvin looked elsewhere as soon as Robbie was gone, nervously holding his broken arm with his functional one. Henrik sighed, and walked over to the bedside, staring disapprovingly at the idiot he’d thought had left for good.

“You better have a damn good explanation for the panic you caused, Magician.” His voice dripped with annoyance and a slight drop of hatred; He clearly still hadn’t forgiven him, and had no reason to hide it.

“... I.. Not... Not really... After Jackie and Seán left me alone in Anti’s void, I... I sorta went to my pocket dimension, and my mind just... blacked out for almost a month... After that, I woke up, regained control of myself, and.. well... Found out the hard way that someone freed Anti, and showed him how to access my pocket dimension.”

“That does not explain the broken bones, you dummkopf!”

“... I... may or may not have... jumped through a rift without thinking..?” He laughed nervously.

Henrik facepalmed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and shook his head, “Why am I not surprised?”

“...” A few minutes of awkward silence passed.

“Mavvy! Mavvy still awake?” Robbie practically bounced into the room, breaking the awkward silence. Marvin waved shyly, clearly relieved to see them back.

“Ah! So it is true! You’re in stable condition again. Thank heavens.” Jameson signed, smiling happily.

Marvin appearred to attempt a nod, but stopped, and responded instead, “... ‘S good to see you, too, Jamie.”

“Is everything alright, Marvin?”

“... Y-Yeah. Just... thinking. That’s all..” Henrik could tell he wasn’t telling the entire truth, but he didn’t say anything. He just narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him, since this was a bad time to get worked up over this type of thing, and stress out Marvin further.

~~~~

Ļo̢o͟k at y̢oú.͏.͝.̕ ̸The̢y̸ ͜hav̨e ͞y̵o̡u r͝i̢gh͠t̵ ͢wh͟er͠e ҉t͟h́ey̴ ͟w̨a̢n͡t͏ yo̕ư.͞.̨. ͠We̶akeņe̵d̴, ͠a͜nd ͠eńti̴r҉e͡ly̶ a҉t͡ ̛t̨hei͏r̨ m͞e͢r͝cỳ.̶.. ̧T͠h͏ey̴ c͞oùld̸ wa̢l͏k r̡igh̕t ͟ųp̨ ̢ţo͏ ̷yo̶ú ̵and ̕s̀nap̧ ͞you̸r̀ ͢néck at an͟y̷ mo̧me̸n̷t̢.̀ ͞N͡o̡t̛h̕i̕ng’҉s st͠op͞pi̢ng͜ ҉them̛ fr̢om dòi̡ng̷ it̛.

He internally cringed, knowing full well that it was true. If they wanted to, they could easily kill him right here and now. They could go to Seán or Jackie and get them to help hide the evidence. And the worst part about that was that regardless of who they asked, the answer would, without a doubt, be yes. They all hated him now. And he couldn’t blame anyone but himself for it, either. Henrik narrowed his eyes at him, and he knew he could tell there was something off with him. He felt his heart sinking hopelessly for what seemed like ages, until Henrik finally turned tail and left the room. Robbie came back to the chair by the bedside, and JJ joined him, sitting in the chair next to Robbie’s.

He silently took in a deep breath, trying to prepare himself to say what they were all probably thinking, “... Well, now’s your chance.”

“What?”

“There’s no one else here to see or stop you. You want revenge, right?” He refused to look anywhere but down. Robbie was speechless, staring at him with a look that was some cross between upset, concerned, and confused.

Jameson’s face was filled with worry as he frantically signed, “Marvin, what ever made you think such a thing?!”

“Oh, come on, JJ! I hurt you guys! I.. I accidentally kicked Chase out of his body! I... betrayed you. All of you... And... The worst part is? I didn’t even regret it... Actually, a part of me... enjoyed it..” He trailed off, as tears began threatening to spill from his tear ducts.

“Marvin, listen to yourself! You clearly regret it now! That’s saying something. Besides, I’ve already forgiven you. I know you did not do what you did out of malice; you thought you were doing what was right.”

“Yeah! Forgave Mavvy when he try to heal Henry.” Robbie commented, grinning childishly again, though, there was a more serious, determined glint in his eyes this time.

“... You... wh-why...? I’m... I turned myself into a monster..! Why... How can you forgive me so easily..?” He choked out, as the first tear finally managed to fall.

“Because you’re our brother... And, well, we weren’t mad in the first place..” JJ smiled sympathetically.

Marvin held back a grunt of slightly pained surprise as Robbie practically glomped him, and soon, JJ joined the hug, too. He let out a shaky laugh, which easily could’ve been a sob, as the rest of the tears that were built up began to fall silently.

~~~~

Henrik sat outside the hospital room, his head in his hands, as he listened to the conversation going on in there. God, how could he have been such a dick to Marvin?! It was obvious that he’d gone almost completely back to normal since he last saw him! His mental condition had obviously not fared well after the events that transpired the last time they saw one another, and he just had to go and shove his pain down his throat, didn’t he? Probably didn’t help that he was completely helpless in the condition that he was in. Oh, how he wished he could take it all back, go in there, and hug Marvin until he stopped crying...

——————————————————

Next chapter

Oops, ran out of room! Sorry for the long chapter! I had to try and stretch the writing of this one out as long as I could, so I would end up finishing on Thanksgiving. Of course, I sorta forgot Thanksgiving was next thursday, not tomorrow... Oops..? Anyways, I didn’t get to actually finish this in the way I wanted to. Tumblr’s being picky about the amount of paragraphs, so I kinda had to remove a few things. But god damn, this fic was a total emotional ride to write! Between working Marvin into a more 3-Dimensional, lovable character with a lot of sadness in his poor ol’ heart, and writing the last two scenes, my heart died a million deaths for this one. Thankfully, though, I seem to be unable to cry when I’m not alone, so no tears were shed over the character development!

@antis-loyal-puppet , @chaoticcrimsonrose , @tiny-septic-puppet , @septic-dr-schneep

[aquilacalvitium]

I just finished watching Jack play the boss and there are a few things I’d like to say to him.

To start off, I’m not going to pretend that I’m special or any better than the rest of the community; I’m just a random face in the crowd. I’ve made fanart and a work-in-progress fanfiction of Jackieboy Man, but other than that I haven’t really done much that would make me stand out. Regardless, I continue to give my full love and support on everything you do.

Now, I wish I could tell you that you helped me out of a dark point in my life like many other people, but that’s simply not the case. My life was nowhere special, not really headed anywhere special. The worst years of my life were already behind me. I was a completely different person to who I am now when I first stumbled across your channel. I can’t remember what videos of yours I watched first, but they must have had something special to make me want to subscribe, especially since I was very against swearing back then. I think that was near the end of 2015? Maybe 2016? I can’t remember. Probably 2015 though so let’s stick with that.

After a video or two I went silent on your channel for a few months as I continued to watch more family-friendly YouTubers until one day one of your videos showed up on my recommended list. I thought, what the hell? And clicked on it. Again, I don’t remember what video I watched, but I do remember laughing until my stomach hurt and thinking to myself, why did I ever stop watching him? I was hooked from then on.

Over time I got more and more invested in your videos, eventually got accustomed to your humour, and finally decided to join Tumblr. That decision had nothing to do with your channel when I made it, but it soon turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

It was so much easier to connect with people on Tumblr and most of the first blogs I followed were associated with your channel. Blogs like @chase-brody-protection-squad for example.

Within a couple of weeks, I’d found a fair few people who were also fans of your channel and Tumblr was starting to feel less like social media and more like a place where all these amazing people could hang out. I felt very blessed to be among them.

Now, the Tumblr JSE community feels like a second home to me. Other fandoms just feel like a mass of people competing to be the best fan or to see who gets to meet their idols first or trying to make them do things for entertainment or be in relationships. Honestly other fandoms  can feel like total hell sometimes. The JSE community is anything but that. It feels like more of a safe space where everyone can be themselves and no one is competing or shouting over each other - except in friendly ways. I feel like I can go up to almost any JSE fan and strike up a conversation, be it a friendly debate, a question or just a passing comment. Everyone gets along with everyone here which is just the best feeling ever.

Another thing I wanted to say is about something you addressed in the last video of The BOSS. You’re worried sometimes that people only come to see Jacksepticeye and don’t acknowledge Sean at all. I know for a fact that many people do but I’m going to speak for myself here. I may call you Jack because it’s the name I’m most used to hearing, but I’m really here for both Jack and Sean. Jack is the guy who makes me laugh and can brighten up any day. Sean is the guy who looks after us and genuinely cares for our wellbeing. One can’t be without the other. Otherwise, you’re not you.

Jack is the guy I see on camera, the guy who makes me laugh and smile all the time. Sean is the guy I think about when I think about you outside of your videos, and the guy who’s wellbeing I care about most. When I read your Twitter updates, I imagine what Sean might be doing at that moment, and how he must be feeling. Probably hanging out with Signe or his friends, or maybe trying to get work done.

I realise that sometimes YouTube or your personal life can get you down which is why I, among others, encourage you to take a step back and relax. You don’t have to be Jack, but you also don’t have to be Sean. Be whoever you feel most comfortable being.

To me, you’re not a brand. You’re not just a loud guy on my screen. You’re not just a person shouting and swearing at video games. You’re a genuine, caring and loving person who puts hours upon hours of effort into making us smile in whatever way possible. You’re a person with a life, feelings and relationships, all of which should be and - as far as I know - are respected by the community - which is more than I can say about other fandoms.

You’ve also inspired me and changed me for the better. I was inspired by other YouTubers to make my YouTube channel, but after a while things got slow and I stopped making videos. I was in a creative slump and was about to give up. Then you, along with one or two others, inspired me to keep going and doing my best. I completely rebranded my channel and started making new, different videos. By now I have sixty subscribers which is absolutely amazing! I know it doesn’t seem that much, but I only rebranded five months ago, so to gain a following that big in that amount of time is mind-blowing to me! I owe it all to you and a couple of others. You’ve also encouraged me to be as genuine as possible. I always try my best to make it clear in my videos that I’m being myself and I’m just doing it to make others happy. I make videos now because I enjoy it, but also because I love making other people smile - it’s the best feeling!

I’m not as creative as you and I don’t have much recording equipment so my videos aren’t great. I’m also trying to survive college so my current schedule is one video a month. But I keep trying, because if there’s one thing you taught me, it’s that if I enjoy something, I should follow it!

I just want to say thank you to the JSE community for all being to kind and genuine and just overall really lovely people. Every single person I’ve spoken to in this community has been incredible. And it’s not just the people I talk to, it’s the people I see/hear talking to and encouraging each other. A perfect example would be at this year’s PAX where one person stodd up to ask you a question and hesitated because they were scared. I almost teared up with pride when I heard fans shouting encouragement from their seats, letting that person know that there was nothing to worry about.

I look up to you as more than a YouTuber or idol, but as a friend. The way you interact with the community as a whole and individual people within the community doesn’t feel quite like an entertainer addressing his fans, but as a great friend, guiding and helping all of his friends. Nothing I say will ever come close to expressing the amount of gratitude and love that I have for you, but I hope this post can get the message across.

I’m sorry it’s so long, but I’ve had all of this building up over a while now and I needed to get it out.

In conclusion, I love you and the community with my entire heart and I honestly don’t know where my life would be without you all.

Thank you, Sean, from the very bottom of my heart, and thank you to the entire JSE community.

I could leave on a long, sappy note, but all I’m going to say for now is...

PMA!

@therealjacksepticeye

[taewoonswife]

A year ago I got these horrifying news. I really didn't think I'd live to see the summer, hell, I didn't even think I would make it to christmas 2018.

Yet, here I am. Still alive, still standing on my feet. I don't know how, maybe it's my determination to live and constantly refusing to die.

Sure, I've had chronic, continuous anemia for over a year, a few times my hemoglobin has been under 80 which meant red blood cell infusions. I have to take pain killers (just paracetamol) every morning and every night. I live with beta blockers and benzos because my body is constantly on a fight or flight mode thanks to panic disorder. At the same time I take quetiapine and sertraline to balance out my BPD and Bipolar Disorder. My lungs don't work properly so I become out of breath easier than a healthy person. Walking to a bus stop that's 100 meters away is the same as running 400 meters for a healthy person. I walk very slowly.

Sure, it's tough. But I'm tougher. And I'm still alive. I still can do grocery shopping on my own, get to places on my own. I'm not in bed or in a wheelchair. I still walk. And I will not give up.

I've now been a patient of a mega-amazing hospice, Terhokoti (the literal translation is so cute I have to share it: Acorn House) in Helsinki, still living on my own apartment in neighbouring city Vantaa, a nurse from the hospice comes for a home visit weekly and the social services in Vantaa have made my life the easiest it can be right now. Thank you, Finnish healthcare and social security, for being awesome.

I know I might not live to see my thirties, at this point it's a big questionmark how long I'll live. But I refuse to die. There is still so much to see, so much to learn and so much to experience. I'm 25 going on 26. I don't plan on getting on the 27 club unless I do something good that people remember me for. And preferably I would outlive 27 club.

I was watching @therealjacksepticeye playing Telltale's Batman, while scrolling Tumblr and I came up with this post, read all the heartfelt and nice comments everyone has written... and I cried like a baby. I'm still crying.

With all this nonsensical drama in the community, why can't we just get back to the roots and remember why we are the best Youtube community ever? Because we care about each other even if we don't know each other. That's the magic of JSE community. The PMA community.

I won't stop fighting, don't you guys dare stop fighting either. I love you all, let's keep it going and support each other like we should!

Again, Seán. Thank you. I've watched your channel for almost four years, and you still feel like a distant friend who I can always trust to make my day. I promise I'll come back as a protective ghost for the whole community. (And if I'm a ghost I can fight Anti, right? 😂)

Also, thank you, my lovely, lovely friends from JSE Finnish Discord server. You have brightened up my days for over a year and a half. I love you all dearly.

Y'all, have a marvelous day/night wherever you are and remember, you are loved. Thanks 💗

(Yeah I still look like an alien with my no-eyebrow game lmao.)

Hey there JSE community

I don’t know if you remember me. It is I, Danya, the one who fought Billy the cancer and survived, you might remember this post from last year. I blogged a lot about my fight for cancer last year.

You might not know that my cancer recurred this spring and stem cell transplants hadnt worked at all and I’ve been having chemo since june. Until now.

I was at a doctor two days ago and got some pretty bad news. Apparently my cancer is incurable as the chemo doesnt seem to work and according to the doctors I only have maybe months to live. I wish this was a sick joke or me tryna get attention the wrong way but… yeah.

I’m at the hospital atm, my platelet count was zero, my hemoglobin level was 74 and I couldn’t even stand up without almost fainting. I’m pretty damn weak right now and if I don’t make it and I’ll die sooner than I thought…

@therealjacksepticeye, I wanna thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Even if I’ll never get to meet you face to face or tell you in person how much you’ve helped me during my fight. You’re the type of person I would’ve loved to have as a big brother. Even at my lowest points you were there with your videos to give me something else to think when I was feeling like shit. And I hope you’ll remember me as a person who was always supporting you from the sidelines. Thank you so much.

And JSE community, and especially our Finnish JSE Discord server… you guys are my ray of sunshine right now. Thank you for existing. I truly love you all.

If I don’t make it further, I’ll bid you farewell at this point. Love yourselves. Love each other. Do what makes you happy. Drink water, eat when you can, pet as many dogs and cats as you can.

Thank you💗

(excuse my makeup-less face lol)

[golden-teddie]

I’m a little nervous about posting this here coz its going to be quite a bit of personal stuff being said, and I know that sort of thing is frowned upon so I apologise but this is something ive wanted to get off my chest for a while now so here goes.

I’m going to admit… These past few months have been the best in my entire life and I am the happiest I ever have been for years.

About 6-7 months ago, I was extremely miserable and listless, no confidence in myself, no confidence in my art; i actually hated drawing coz i was so demotivated, and drained of energy because of the dead end job I was in at the time. I didn’t even want to get out of bed half the time, that’s how crappy I felt.

But now I’m a lot more positive about things , have much better self confidence, I’m hell of a lot more happier with my art and actually WANT to draw, and i have a job that has a promising future and it never gets boring once. I have a few people/groups to thank for this and I’m going to list them below with reasons why (going clockwise from the drawing but saving the actual first one of them til last :P)

1. FNAF fandom - Now some of you may groan at this, but this was the first ‘proper’ fandom i was in back when it was super popular, and it was real good fun and i felt accepted! Most of them are lovely people and its got some pretty sweet artwork.

2. Jacksepticeye - This loveable Irish bean is so energetic and positive regardless of how he feels and i respect him so much for that and his content is always entertaining and keeps me company sometimes when I’m home alone or finishing work early, kind of tried to ‘adopt’ his mentality from him (in terms of being more positive not screaming at games lol) The community for the majority is super nice and friendly almost all the time too!

3. Itsmellslikehonor and his fans/subs - This awesome guy is really cool Youtuber, despite being mainly FNAF related and GMOD content, but he always finds time play with his fans and subs on GMOD and that’s really awesome, and its so much fun! It keeps me company whenever I feel lonely at night too, takes my mind off things. If you’re a BIG FNAF or GMOD fan I’d recommend subscribing to him :)

4. FinestElite, Pocket-the-time-lord, and Xiamtheferret - These amazing artists are the main reason I took up drawing again, their individual and unique art styles are so inspiring and motivating and they’re all really nice people too, go follow them if you’re not familiar with them already! FinestElite is both on Tumblr and FA (his FA is FinneyFox though I believe) Pocket-the-time-lord has Tumblr as well, and Twitter (by the name @lpsoneill) and Xiamtheferret has FA (don’t know about anywhere else)

And finally, each and every single person on the Amino groups I’m a part of, specifically the Furry Amino. The communities are so welcoming and supportive, and everyone’s art and I MEAN everyone’s is really good and inspiring to look at! When I made my first post about requests on the Furry Amino I was seriously shocked and completely overwhelmed over the amount of responses I got within a day of posting it, I wasn’t even expecting to get 1 person asking let alone 10-20! And the compliments I got from people really made me feel like my art mattered and it’s given me the encouragement I needed to draw at a more consistent basis.

To wrap this all up, I don’t think I can ever say this enough; Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Each and every single person/group I’ve mentioned mean the absolute world to me for getting my life to a point to where I’m actually happy with it. Honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

(Well done if you read this whole thing xD sorry i know it’s a bit rambly and some of you may think “ew. A furry.” especially in the JSE, ISLH and FNAF communities, but I wanted to make sure I voiced my sincere and genuine thanks to everyone <3 Thank you for reading and I hope you have a lovely rest of your day/evening/whatever)