#the truth is I got sick and while I sometimes love blogging while sick. this time for some reason all I wanted was to have soup and watch | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

faunastanza · 1 month

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Thread into Althar

Thread into Althar, by Azlyn, Razca, Yurayana, Yevelle, Myandery, observed by Shizukan Despite how insanely overinvested this whole blog is in this comic, I don't actually check on Floraverse that often since it updates so sporadically. Like I said some time ago, sometimes months or even a year can go by before an update happens. Imagine my surprise when I did a periodic check on it as usual and saw that there were TWO updates!! Wow!! I went to check Glip's twitter for further context as Charlie Brown approaches the football every time, and of course, I landed flat on my back. Glip did have a doc they wrote up about how they regretted keeping someone on their discord from committing suicide because they were annoying though. This isn't a new sentiment for Glip at all - they've previously told people they'd be better off dead several times. Their total unawareness of how bad it makes them look is a bit striking though. "You said you don't care about Glip's real life, why do you keep checking their twitter?" It's true that I don't care about Glip's real life, I just want to know what's going on in their insane webcomic because it has some kind of sick hold on me, but the annoying thing is that Glip's real life is constantly bleeding into their comic. Is this character an actual villain, or are they someone Glip was mad at in their discord? Is this a plot development, or a veiled metaphor for a callout about them? Is this a character or is it just Marl or Pengo or Sila again? You constantly have to ask yourself these questions as you read the comic. I suppose it does make for a unique reading experience. For fun, here's the recent info Glip posted that may or may not influence this update or future ones - one of the mods on their discord got outed for being a pedo and a zoophile and was banned. This seems to happen a lot on their discord for some reason, it's so weird!! They're also in a feud with someone who knew the pedo who made a zine about their discord being a cult and claimed Glip was trying to human traffic them. "Who cares, this is unrelated drama" IS IT?? IS IT REALLY??? You can never be sure!! You'll just have to keep it in mind whenever you read a Floraverse update from now on!! They apparently also have a podcast of sorts where they talk about "the truth" of what goes on in the discord and such but the episodes are like three hours long and I feel like listening to them is taking things too far. I already know I'm staring into the abyss, I've got to have limits. Also, three+ hours??? I already spend way too much time thinking about all this crap as it is. Anyway, this is "by" a bunch of people but it's just the characters that are in the RP. We know Glip and Pengo are in the RP but how many other people, I don't know. They have multiple characters running around after all. We're introduced to a dude in a sombrero and a Hot Topic looking critter.

and an unpalatable muffin

Sombrero's name is Myandery and the Hot Topic thing is Shizukan. Myandery notices that Shizukan has a little compact from Teslic Yard and asks if it's supposed to have that. In response Shizukan holds the compact out out to Myandery, who remembers that Shizukan can't speak. It takes the compact while Shizukan whirls its arms around to make threads, just like in the title!!

buy me on a shirt

Shizukan whipping its arms around serves as a way to scene change via the compact, so we're going to be hopping around a bit. We see Azlyn/Orobas finally! She's asking everyone for help with a ritual to help someone "whose name was injured". If you remember way back when, one of the ways to protect yourself from an angel was to repeat your name and occupation over and over. I'm assuming that's related but it's not explained so, who knows.

She says that his name was very important and that without it, we "lost him" for a while, but if they give him a new one, he'll come back. She says that we can find a new name for him with enough love, since love is about reaching out and inviting in. Azlyn says that Gaap is asking for letters of love, condensed into glyphs (Andre can't read, remember). She says the first part is writing out the letter, not just imagining it in your head but writing it for real. She says that she wrote one, but it's a little unorthodox.

Her letter is clearly about Amdusias, although she doesn't remember her apparently. She says that she knows her voice and her face, but when she thinks about it they disappear, like notes to a song she can't remember (Amdusias taught her a song and told her not to forget it, but she always does). She talks about how important Amdusias is and how she matters to her, and that even if she can't remember/doesn't know who she is, she knows something's missing and she mourns not being with her, whoever she is. She wonders how they'll meet and what binds them together so strongly that she remembers shadows of her even now, without fully knowing her. She gets teary, wondering when she'll meet her and that all she can do is wait. She then says she's a fortune teller, and a side effect of that can be prophetic dreams, so this letter is for someone she hasn't met yet.

Where this is on the timeline is unclear, and we're possibly in another frequency entirely so shrug!! We last saw Amdusias having nightmares or something on Trebol and when she woke up Orobas wasn't there, so who knows. I like this scene though and getting glimpses of Orobas and Amdusias again. Reminders of a simpler time and better characters in this comic's history...

where is my big-handed girlfriend

We cut to a brief glimpse of the Worthworm on the Andre painting, then Shizukan shifts the scene again. We meet a dude who looks like a cross between a snake and a mantis. This is Razca, one of the heads of the other religions. She talks a bit differently and capitalize random nouns. She's heard about Gaap's request for letters and want to address her congregation about it.

beware the heart tail Razca says that it might be hard to think of a good feeling to send out for Gaap's request, so she wants to talk about her own feelings in hopes it'll inspire their congregation to think about theirs and decide if they want to do Gaap's request or not.

Razca talks about loss and deaths in her family and how it feels to grieve and miss them every day. This is also well done and genuine, which makes me suspect someone other than Glip wrote it.

it sounds like she's talking about death but it could just be someone who left but eh, negligible difference Anyway, Razca says that because she wishes she could have that person back so much, the chance to bring someone back is very precious, so she's going to help Gaap as best she can. She says that some believe that people who've died should be allowed to rest, but she sees it as a chance for a new beginning and that if the ritual works, she wants to be part of it.

We get a brief shot of Andre when he burned Beleth to death, although in this shot he's burning an open door. Shizukan then cuts to a white uniqorn somewhere. A dog comes in and says that the Synemetrics are on the move, and asks the uniqorn if he has thoughts about Gaap's call for assistance. Turns out that the uniqorn is in charge of Psia'ago, or Pengo's religion I assume. He says that if people in Pengoism want to help out Gaap then fine, it's their call.

looks kind of like a mouse

The dog asks if Yevelle is also going to help, but he say he's hesitant to talk about love, and he thinks talking about love for a ritual is disrespectful. The dog, whose name is Hilo or Milo but the font is so weird I can't tell, let's go with Milo, asks if it's because Yevelle is afraid of being hurt. This question pisses Yevelle off as he says no one can hurt him. Milo is unimpressed, so Yevelle asks if saying "I am afraid" would please them. Milo says they just want to know what Yevelle is actually feeling.

Yevelle says he's asking his people to help constructively if they do decide to help Gaap. He hopes that the people of Althar will respond with love untainted by malice, as love tainted with malice can be hard to unravel if sweetened enough. Glip's mentioned malice a few times before, in particular saying it was what broke the Mask of the Sun and led to all those insane mspaint VNs a while back. Could be related, could not be related. Just making a note of it.

Milo turns to leave for their nightly rounds, as Yevelle instructed. Yevelle comes over to put their hood up for them, chiding them not to do anything he wouldn't do, and Milo jokes back while calling them Vel, so these two are either friends or an item. My money is on the latter.

We get a brief cut of Nuez looking at Phesund in her ugly fullbody paintbrush tail form. Shizukan tries to move the scene again but something wrong happens and there's static instead. We then get a goofy news report on the whole business from an unknown person. They call Gaap the "high priestident" which I kind of like ngl. The newscaster, a sun looking thing with a goofy face, says that the Payayan temple is near the Synemetric one, saying it's an eyesore, and brings us inside. There's a stripey cat walking around.

seems like they have consistent trouble with the word "president"

The cat tells Belnono (lol) to knock off the fake newscasting. Belnono is this ridiculous looking "dog" made out of leather straps and what appears to be a flat sundial for a head.

what

The cat's name is Yurayana and she is proportioned a bit like a triangle.

tapering up to a point Belnono has a moon counterpart called Belauna because of course. An unknown figure says something to Yurayana but we don't know what. The two dogs bicker about correlation and causation as Yurayana continues down the hallway. Yurayana tells them to knock it off since she's trying to focus. They ask if she's going to send a glyph, with Moondog sure that she will since she's good and kind and loyal, and Sundog expressing skepticism. This makes Yurayana snap at them angrily to be quiet, which scares them. She walks off in silence and the dogs follow her.

We get a brief shot of what looks like the plague doctor from last time approaching Nuez but she has a lot of weird wingy things around her.

no eyes and fire? lame

It looks like she might be protecting Phesund (birdform) from the plague doctor. Shizukan seems to regain control and switches everything back to Azlynobas. She talks about how to turn your letter into a glyph. Basically you think about your letter and then draw whatever shapes come into your mind.

The screen goes dim and Myandery asks if Shizukan came out all this way just to show it this. It tries to move its strings around but nothing happens, so it nods. Myandery says that the faces all looked familiar and asks if Shizukan knew it'd see familiar things. Shizukan shakes its head, then nods.

Myandery says their former teacher was in there, someone who used to be known as Andrealphus before Myandery came here (to Althar I assume). It says it knows that Andre is an important figure in Synemetricism and that its friend said Andre was an Arch Magni. Myandery then says that its friend used to be an angel (you can cure that??) and was responsible for "asking a question" that put us (not sure who the us is here) in Undertown, where angels hang out. It's where Glip and Pengo had that talk but I'm not sure if its where all the mspaint vns happened or not. Who knows.

funkopop coming soon

Myandery says it saw Dr. Curse (the plague doctor? but I thought it was that tv thing) and Nuez, who it says helped it with the ritual that "put intentions" into the collar around Shizukan's neck. It then apologizes if the collar is hurting Shizukan. Shizukan gives it a few looks and then waves goodbye and leaves.

We cut to Mel's house sometime later, and it turns out Mel was the beecat. They're with some kind of bizarre looking bird thing and a big egg. They say a synemetric came by talking about the ritual. The bird is TALwire- what??? Why is TALwire a bird??? WHat???? What???

if i open my mouth too wide my eye hurts When did this happen??? Oh, right, in the RP no one got to see I assume. Great! Great. That's great. Mel shows TALwire a glyph and says that they said stuff that sounded like "what you saw" but the paper has more details. They give a bunch of dates that's just when the RP starts. She refers to Andre as the "to-be-named one" and basically explains what you have to do to fill the RP prompt of writing a letter/glyph to Gaap.

Mel then says the bees were acting different and they got a weird feeling from them. They say the dance the bees did reminds them of when they left a fire on when they didn't mean to for a few hours. The fire didn't hurt anyone but it could have been worse. They say it also reminds them of when a Zweitru came to the door which reminds them of ANOTHER fire that sparked and scared them. They thought a lot about fires and the importance of ponds and water. Deep stuff.

The Zweitru came back later and told them about a Zweitru turning into an angel, but the Zweitru were annoyed everyone was making such a big deal about it, like it didn't matter much to them. They figure that they felt like people were more eager for an excuse to be mad at Zweitruity than worried about the new angel. You'd think the incredibly stupid name would be enough of an excuse to be mad but hey.

Mel then says they've been rambling and asks if they should go to Razca for help. TALwire says sure. They bring the egg. And then that's it! That's the end!!

What about all the Mesund Phesund Phesomme Deca stuff from the last VN? You fool. We'll never know. Glip mentions in the description that this has a glimpse of Teslic Yard (where? where myandery and shizukan were?) and again begs you to join the discord in BOLD. PLEASE JOIN!! PLEASE JOIN!! You can talk about the update too!! You don't have to RP!! PLEASE JOIN!! PLEASE JOIN!!! (don't join)

#floraverse

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fuuka-preg-blog · 3 months

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My First Blog Post

Date: Sunday, June 14th, 2009 Hi Tumblr! To be honest, I've been sitting at my computer for about 20 minutes trying to think of how to start this blog. I don't expect to see much traffic here (if any at all). I wouldn't normally write a blog in the first place, but my counselor told me that having a journal would help me process things. One of my friends suggested using a blog for journal entries, so, here I am!

I think I'll just get to the point. I'm creating this blog because of something I'm currently going through. Calling my situation "life-changing" would honestly be an understatement.

I guess I'll start in the beginning. A few weeks after I started 11th grade last April, I could tell something wasn't right. I started every morning feeling sick to my stomach. I felt ridiculously hungry, but I'd get severe heartburn and other discomforts after eating, enough to make me lose a lot of sleep. I was getting really bad brain fog, enough so I could barely pay attention during class. My school uniform was also getting tighter around my waist. I could've sworn I was even getting cravings.

I... spent some time with my ex-boyfriend during the break between 10th and 11th grade. I don't want to go into detail, but I always made sure to use protection. But these symptoms could only mean one thing.

It took a while, but I finally got myself to take a pregnancy test. I think I took more than ten separate tests. I didn't want it to be true. But every single test was positive.

I was pregnant.

I went to school every day feeling petrified. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. My parents would disown me if my grades weren't good enough for them, who knows what they'd do if they learned their teenage daughter got knocked up by a boyfriend they never knew about. Not only that, I'm the shortest and skinniest girl in my grade. Some girls in my class have thighs wider than my waist. I'd love to be a parent someday, sure, but I'm only sixteen and I don't graduate high school for two more years. I don't feel mentally or physically prepared to be a mom.

The next couple weeks of high school were a total blur. I was only about six weeks pregnant, but somehow my belly was already sticking out a bit. I thought it was just bloating at first, but it never went away, it only grew. Even though it was already May, I had to wear a loose jacket so nobody would see my stomach. The morning sickness also got worse, I'd still be nauseous by the time class started. I started showing up at school early just so there would be less people around in case I needed to throw up.

...I just realized it's probably not fun to read that last part. Sorry! To be honest, though, I feel a lot better getting this off my chest. I promise the rest of the post won't be as depressing, a lot of nice things happened too!

This was just about when I met my friend, Yukari. I didn't know her very well at the time, I knew she was in my grade, she was pretty, and popular enough for me to know her name even though she wasn't in the same class as me.

Apparently, she was in the archery club, so she would sometimes come to school before class to practice. She later told me she'd been hearing me in the girls' bathroom for several days before going in and checking it out.

To be honest, I was terrified when I heard Yukari knock on the bathroom stall and ask if I was okay. I considered her as one of the last people I'd want to learn about my situation. She's such a social butterfly that the news would have spread like wildfire. Thankfully, I was wrong about that.

As soon as I came out of the bathroom stall, she asked what was wrong. I had no idea what to tell her, but Yukari only took one look at me and figured it out on her own. A girl throws up every morning without fail. She wears a loose jacket to school in May. She has bags under her eyes, looks like she hasn't slept in days. And when asked "are you okay?", she's too scared to tell the truth. I must have been so gross, I was sweaty and I probably smelled like barf, but Yukari just smiled and pulled me into a hug. I won't lie, I started bawling like a baby into her shirt. Nobody had ever been so nice to me before. Yukari just held me tight, she told me she wanted to help, everything would be okay. I cried even harder hearing her say that. I'm actually crying a little bit right now remembering this.

I remember meeting up with Yukari after school, she took me to the pharmacy in Paulownia Mall and bought me some medicine to help with my symptoms. For the first time in weeks, I stopped feeling nauseous and I could actually think straight.

We sat down together to figure out what I should do. Yukari mentioned that she lives in the dorms with the student council president, Mitsuru Kirijo. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to tell the daughter of the school's owner that one of the students got knocked up, but Yukari told me she was sure Kirijo-senpai would know what to do.

When I met with Kirijo-senpai the next day in student council room, I was prepared to hear that I'd be expelled or suspended, that a pregnant student would damage the school's reputation. But instead, Kirijo-senpai handed me some printouts and calmly listed out accommodations available to me. She went over different nutritionists, physical therapists, and even pregnancy-focused massage parlors. She offered to accompany me to any of them, saying they would offer the best treatment possible if a member of the Kirijo family was with me. I couldn't help but cry a little bit again, I wasn't expecting that kind of support. I started to feel like things would work out.

That didn't last long, though. The day after I talked to Kirijo-senpai was the worst day of my life.

On the morning after my talk with Kirijo-senpai, instead of my alarm clock, I woke up to my mother screaming at me and yanking my bedsheets away. I had overslept for the first time in my whole life. But I soon discovered that was the least of my problems.

The night before, I noticed my midsection was poking out so much that my jacket could only barely cover it up. But when my mother yanked the covers away, I couldn't believe what I saw when I looked down.

My belly looked like it doubled in size overnight. My womb was about the size of a golf ball last night, and now it was almost as big as a baseball.

My mother screamed at me, my father overheard and joined in. For fifteen long minutes, they shamed and berated me, calling me lots of horrible four and five letter words. When they were done, I had tears streaming down my face. Before they walked out of my room, they told me to get dressed and go to school. But once I leave, I'll never be allowed back into this house.

I packed my school bag full of anything I wanted to keep. I knew whatever I didn't take with me would end up thrown away. I couldn't stop crying. I was terrified, but I was also furious. I cursed my small, skinny body, This belly wouldn't be so noticeable if I wasn't so scrawny. If I had a body like Yukari's, I wouldn't show this much for at least another month or two.

My eyes were still red from crying by the time Yukari met up with me on the way to school. She noticed my coat couldn't hide my pregnant belly anymore. Once again, I didn't need to say a word.

When Kirijo-senpai heard what happened, she got Yukari to take me to her dorm room to let me get some rest. I was about to protest, afraid to impose, but then I realized how heavy my eyes were. I had been putting up with these early pregnancy symptoms for a full month. I couldn't remember the last time I'd gotten a good night's sleep. Maybe talking with Yukari and Kirijo-senpai helped me relax, so I was far less anxious than usual when I went to sleep last night. Maybe that knocked me out hard enough for me to sleep through my alarm.

I remember Yukari gently guiding me to her bed, then waking up twelve hours later. I didn't even remember laying down. When Yukari told me it was already evening, I still felt like I was ready to go back to sleep.

Kirijo-senpai was waiting for us in the lounge. She told me that we needed to discuss some things, but first, she sat me down at the table and brought out an enormous plate of food. Normally, I try my best to eat politely, but I was so hungry that I didn't even care.

After dinner, they led me to one of the dorm rooms, and when they opened the door, I couldn't believe what I saw. All my belongings were waiting right there for me. Kirijo-senpai told me it didn't take much to convince my parents to part with all my belongings. I couldn't stop myself from crying again, I was so grateful for their help.

I took the next day off from school to get more rest. I spent the whole day thinking about how I won't be able to hide my pregnancy at school anymore. The next day, I felt a lot better, but I didn't feel ready to come to school. I told Yukari that I wasn't sure how to tell everyone I was pregnant. She told me not to worry, she'd be right there with me whenever I feel ready to make the announcement.

I decided to show up at school around lunchtime. I sent Yukari a text let her know I was coming. I couldn't stop thinking about what to say to everyone, I felt like no matter how I phrased it, I probably wouldn't get a great reaction.

But when I arrived at my classroom, I saw something I couldn't have possibly imagined.

"SURPRISE!"

The classroom was decorated, complete with balloons and banners reading "Congratulations!". The chalkboard was covered with little notes of encouragement, and a few cute doodles of baby stuff like cribs and pacifiers. I saw Yukari smiling over at me from the other side of the classroom, she wasn't even in my class, but she still went out of her way to organize this for me.

I cried, again. But this time I was smiling while I cried. I'd never felt so happy before.

Everyone in my class started being really nice, they asked if I've thought of any names for the baby, if it's a boy or a girl, when the baby's due, all kinds of things like that. Yukari was worried I'd be overwhelmed, but I didn't mind at all.

Also, while I was absent, Kirijo-senpai apparently called an entire assembly about me. Yukari had seen people bullying me before, and told Kirijo-senpai about that. Things could get out of hand if they didn't act quickly. I was told that Kirijo-senpai said something along the lines of: "Sometimes, accidents happen. And when they do, our school will strive to support and accommodate our fellow students on their path to success."

Also, I'm not 100% sure, but I heard someone say she ended the assembly with her signature dagger-like glare, saying "Any reports of discrimination or harassment against Yamagishi will treated with a zero-tolerance policy." I feel very lucky to be on Kirijo-senpai's good side.

To be honest, I felt embarrassed she went to all that trouble, and I still kinda do. I told Yukari I don't feel worthy of that much effort, but according to her, Kirijo-senpai had her eye on me since long before we met the other day. I only kept my grades up because of my parents, but she still "sees great potential" in me after seeing how high my grades have been since middle school. She even brought up the projects I submitted back when I was a member of the computer club in middle school. It's hard for me to believe what she says, I still don't feel like I'm anything special. But I feel grateful to have friends like Yukari around to help me convince myself otherwise.

Oh, that reminds me! After the surprise party, Natsuki-chan just walked up to me and started being nice to me! It was a bit of a shock, up until now she would always poke fun at me and call me names, but now she wants to take me out shopping for "baby bump outfits" sometime! Apparently, I'm not the first pregnant teen she'd be spending time with, so she knows a thing or two about what would look good on me. Also, she's the one who told me to write this blog in the first place!

Whew, that's a lot of text. I'm surprised Tumblr lets you write this much for a single post. If you're still reading, thank you! I only have a few more things to write, but trust me when I say that nothing I've written so far can compare to what happened next.

I started feeling much better after the surprise party, but I could still feel something was a bit off, specifically that growth spurt. I felt like my belly was a lot bigger than it should have been, even on my scrawny body. I brought this up with Kirijo-senpai about two weeks ago, and she took me to get looked at.

After measuring me, they told me that I'm definitely larger than expected given the estimated time of conception. I told them about the fatigue and the morning sickness, and they said my symptoms were significantly worse than they should have been.

These were all indications of a multiple pregnancy.

At the time, I never even gave it a second thought. Every pregnancy is different, so I assumed this was nothing but a false positive. I also read online that Japan has a lower twinning rate than most other countries. Plus, I'm only sixteen. The chances of me having twins would have to be at least one in a billion.

I thought about this through the week of school, until Kirijo-senpai brought me in to get an ultrasound last weekend.

I remember feeling really nervous. I couldn't see the monitor well, there were multiple technicians whispering to each other. I felt a pit in my stomach. Something wasn't right.

When they turned around, they looked like they saw a ghost.

They found three babies in my womb. I was having triplets.

Not even twins. Triplets.

Remember in the beginning of this blog entry, when I said calling my situation "life-changing" was an understatement? This is what I meant. I said earlier that it was a one in a billion chance for me to have twins. A triplet pregnancy must have been one in a trillion.

Kirijo-senpai refused to accept what she heard. She made the technicians check again, and again. After hearing the same answer for the tenth time, it had to sink in. The impossible somehow became possible.

Everyone at the clinic was trying to smile and congratulate me, but as soon as I came home, I cried into Yukari's arms. This was not good news. A singleton pregnancy would already strain my scrawny little body. There was absolutely no way I'd be able to successfully carry and deliver triplets.

At least, that's what I thought.

I woke up the next morning to Kirijo-senpai knocking at my door, telling me I won't be attending class that day. She had bags under her eyes as she told me she had a car waiting for me outside. She was up all night scoping out the best medical professionals in the area. From morning until evening, we drove to several different universities and advanced medical centers. Kirijo-senpai was able to force herself into their busy schedules for my sake.

I honestly didn't expect to hear any good news, but with each successive appointment, I felt my spirits lifting a little. Kirijo-senpai feverishly wrote down notes during each appointment. They found reports of pregnancies similar to mine, and use any available historical data to determine the best treatment for me.

Kirijo-senpai's notes spanned dozens of pages, writing down details on nutritional intake and exercises, or anything that can help me grow three entire babies.

But one of the proposals stood out more than the rest. A cutting-edge, experimental stimulant to increase litter size for mammals. This treatment invokes "increased ovulation" and "rapid and adaptive cell production in the uterus walls". This enables the mother's womb to expand beyond its typical limit, and results in litters that are double or even triple the expected size.

This treatment was sponsored by American beef and pork distributors and had been in progress since 2004. Within the past year, they were able to reach a 100% success rate in lab rats, and recently achieved the same with cows and pigs.

At its current point in development, it could be sold for billions, but the team wanted to see if their infusion could benefit in the medical field.

Normally, the infusion is applied before conception, but there have been cases where they discover the subject was already pregnant during the infusion. Even without the increased litter count, the subject's uterus expanded beyond its typical limit, resulting in longer pregnancies and larger babies. The team decided the next step in this direction was to observe primates with this infusion. All twelve subjects experienced slightly longer but noticeably more comfortable pregnancies, and delivered big healthy babies.

Kirijo-senpai and I saw where this was going. This could completely turn the tide for my situation, plus any future pregnancies similar to mine.

I received the offer to participate as their first human test subject. I won't lie, I didn't even hesitate, I agreed immediately. I'm a huge nerd for cutting-edge scientific experiments like this, so I was feeling giddy at the thought of being able to participate.

Of course, Kirijo-senpai was concerned about potential risks. The research team emphasized that I had no obligation to participate, but if I wanted to proceed, it would need to be as soon as possible, two weeks at most.

I thought about it for a long time since then. I'm not as much of an optimist as Yukari and some of the experts I talked to. I think that infusion is my only real chance at getting through this pregnancy. It's not fun to think about, but whether or not I follow the diet and exercise instructions from those experts, it would only result in my triplets being born slightly less prematurely. The chances of survival for my triplets, and maybe even for myself, would still be pretty low. I'll definitely think about it some more, but I feel like the infusion is my only real option here.

Sorry! I just realized this got all gloomy again. It's almost been a full week that Monday full of appointments, Yukari and Kirijo-senpai have been helping me get the hang of those diet and exercise plans. Also, the nutritionists told me that as long as I get the nutrients they laid out, I could eat as much of anything I wanted otherwise. My parents never took me out to eat, and I'd never tried fast food before, so Kirijo-senpai just handed Yukari a credit card and told her to make sure I'm eating well. I've been to lots of different restaurants in the past few days, and all of them have been amazing. Yukari says I eat a lot for a girl my size, but that's because I'm "eating for four now". It's a little embarrassing when she says that, but I also kinda like hearing it. Maybe it's my maternal instincts kicking in.

I've also been going out with Natsuki and her friends after school. She's been taking me to lots of different clothing stores and picking out all kinds of maternity clothes for me. She's really sweet. She doesn't know about the triplets yet, Yukari and Kirijo-senpai are the only ones who know. I'm thinking I'll tell everyone about the triplets after I make the decision about the infusion.

...wow, that was a lot. I doubt anybody read this all the way to here. But, if you're reading this, thank you!

Kirijo-senpai is taking me in for another checkup later today, then we're getting dinner. I'm guessing she wants to discuss the treatment. I'll write more posts as I go. Bye!

#pregnancy #fuuka yamagishi #persona 3 #roleplay #alternate universe

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babylizzz · 6 months

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Posting bits of my recent reality to my personal blog because I need to process and vent, and I'm too broke to afford a therapist. Read or dismiss as you wish. Share advice if you please, but not judgement. Namaste 🙏🏻

November 24, 2023

I left my husband a little more than a month ago. So far, most people have respected my privacy and not asked what happened. But as the holidays approach, it’s becoming harder to avoid disclosing our separation, and I know people will ask why I left Adam. The answer can be simple – I was unhappy. I was sick of feeling so awful in my situation, and I realized I deserve to be happy. But simply saying I was unhappy sounds like I just wasn’t putting in the effort to connect with my husband. It sounds like I gave up and didn’t care to try. We have children, for goodness’ sake! Couldn’t I have stuck it out and tried to make things work for them? Oh, but I did. I fought for years, telling my husband verbatim what I needed to feel loved, begging for him to be an active and supportive partner. Sometimes it got better for a few days. We wouldn’t fight. He’d be helpful and loving. There would be physical intimacy. But I was always quickly reminded that the peace was too good to be true.

What exactly did my husband do that was so horrible? Was he just lazy and unhelpful? Well, I could tell you the worst things he ever did to me. Like how I once noticed he was jumpy while on his phone and always angling his screen away or closing all his apps when I entered the room. It wasn’t difficult for me to find out that he was entertaining another woman on Snapchat. I confronted him in the middle of the night. He swears it was never flirty or sexual. He only talked to her about life. He enjoyed that someone cared to ask about his day and showed an interest in conversation with him. As if I didn’t try to engage him between doing all of the childrearing and housekeeping by myself… I’ll never know if he was telling the truth about that, though. After all, people use Snapchat when they don’t want there to be evidence, right?

There was also the time he lied about cancer to get out of an argument. I don’t even know what we were arguing about – probably housework. But he apologized and told me he’d just had a lot on his mind. When I pressed, wanting to know more so I could be there for him, he told me his doctor thought he might have testicular cancer, which I knew runs in his family. He said he was supposed to go in for scans to confirm, but that he didn’t want to talk about it because he was too upset. I respected that boundary and didn’t bring it up for a while, just trying to love him and be there for him in other ways as best I could. Probably 2-3 months later, it was eating at me that Adam hadn’t confided in me regarding the results, so I asked about it. He didn’t know what I was talking about. I reminded him of our previous conversation, and so casually, as if it were nothing, he said, “Oh yeah, I just made that up so you’d stop bitching at me. I don’t have cancer.” This man had me fearing for his life and our future, and it was just a sick lie. That was only about 18 months into our relationship. I should have gotten out then.

There was also a time very recently – I know because our children were toddlers. I got home from work, and Adam immediately put on a show for them and beckoned me into the bedroom. He ordered me to strip and fully expose myself on the bed. I thought it not an appropriate time for relations, but the kids were occupied and I was afraid to anger him, so I let it continue. After I spread myself, Adam opened his phone and held it up to me. I covered my face and tried to get up, telling him not to take pictures of me like that, but he ordered me down. He kept looking back and forth from his phone to my body. Finally, I asked what the heck he was doing, and he showed me a faceless nude he had stumbled upon on the internet. The woman’s body looked just like mine, the same skin tone, stretch marks, and curves. I would have believed it was me, but I’d never taken a photo quite like that. I was enraged. How dare he force me on the bed, order me to expose myself, and question my faithfulness and decency! What ever happened to just asking a question and trusting your spouse? I told him how fucked up that was of him, that I was molested as a child by an older boy who forced me to do those same things. Adam apologized that I’d been through that, but he justified his actions because he “just had to be sure” that I hadn’t been sharing my body online for strangers.

All of those things, though, were easy to forgive for a while. I mean, I did excuse them for years until now, as messed up as that may sound. But none of those things hurt as much as the things he did regularly, weekly, daily.

Over the entire length of our 9-year relationship, Adam was abnormally jealous. He would accuse me out of the blue of cheating on him. When I got pregnant with our son, after the initial excitement, he questioned who the father was. We had stopped trying to conceive, but I guess that last try stuck. But to Adam, he couldn’t make it make sense, as if he knew my cycle like the back of his hand and fully understood how conception happens. He was sure I must have had another partner after we had stopped trying to get pregnant. Even until now, Adam will randomly question who our son’s father is, sometimes jokingly, but sometimes very seriously.

When we adopted our daughter, he would lash out when her crying woke him up too many times at night or when she'd throw tantrums as a toddler. He would frequently say that he wish we'd never taken her, that he didn't want "this," that he felt like he was being punished for someone else's poor decision to conceive her. Once her adoption was final after 3 years, Adam would still share these sentiments, but he'd add the caveat, "I mean, I love her now but..." The way this broke my heart was irreparable. For a long time, I could forgive his transgressions toward me, but to reject our daughter was unforgivable.

A few years ago, I became work-friends with my only male coworker, a man who I explained reminded me so much of my brother because he is Asian, a chef, and so good to his woman just like my brother is to his wife. I would only ever talk about the cooking and foodie things I learned from this coworker, but the mere mention of his name was very triggering for Adam, and he would be mad at me for days. I had to stop talking about the things I learned about my favorite hobby just because they were taught to me by a man.

Adam was also very controlling. I think he only ever asked for proof of my whereabouts less than a handful of times, but I had begun to recognize the signs that he was going to accuse me of not being where I said I would be. Without prompting, I would be so nervous that I would take pictures of my surroundings and snap screenshots of the timestamp as proof of my timeline in the event I needed them when I got home. Even when I provided this evidence, Adam still would not believe that I was being completely truthful.

When I started gaining confidence in myself when I made friends who would hype me up, I also gained confidence in my sense of style. I wanted to try wearing crop tops with the slightest bit of midriff showing above the belly button. On at least two occasions, Adam made comments about my intentions and stated he didn’t want me going out of the house like that.

Adam also would not respect my “no” in the bedroom. Sometimes he just wouldn’t let it go. Other times he would try to guilt me into doing things I didn’t want to do. Sometimes I would oblige, and when I was less than enthusiastic, he would get upset and start a fight. Still other times, he would say, “I’ll just get it somewhere else.” He would ignore my emotional needs, stating that if I'd just meet his physical needs, maybe he's be a better husband and father. How could I get sexually close to him when I felt abandoned in every other area of our life together?

Adam was and is very quick to anger. He would pick random fights and blame them on me. He would ignore me for days and wouldn’t even tell me what I had done wrong. In most cases, I had done nothing wrong. He would say nothing was wrong, but his attitude and actions would say otherwise. He would shoot me hateful looks, scoff, and shake his head as if disgusted. Sometimes I would begin to consider whether I actually had done something wrong and would apologize. Other times I knew without a doubt that I had done nothing, and I would apologize anyway just so he would talk to me. Most times, I would just take the mistreatment and withholding of love until Adam grew tired of it. Most times, when it was convenient for him, usually when he wanted sex, the cold shoulder would be over, and he would start talking to me as if nothing happened. He never once apologized for these days-long cold shoulders.

It goes without saying that I was always walking on eggshells. Sometimes I would be ridiculously nervous to bring something up for fear of his emotional or verbal reaction.

Adam would use intimidation tactics during arguments. Any time he was mad, he would slam or even throw things. He would beat on the wall and block doors to prevent me from walking away from the argument, and once before we had children, to prevent me from leaving the house. Once during an argument that was not even our worst, Adam cornered me in my tiny closet-office. When it got heated, he punched a hole in the wall right next to my face to intimidate me. I think that if I’d cowered in that moment, the violence would have escalated that day and from that point on. But I didn’t cower. I was bold and angry and told him if he ever did anything like that again, I would take the kids and be gone before he could blink.

Sometimes during arguments, Adam would belittle me, saying, “Let me put it in a way that you can understand,” before proceeding to speak to me as if I were a child. He would gaslight me, discredit me, making me question my reality, whether the way I remembered things was actually how they had happened. He would say, “It’s not my fault you can’t take a joke,” and, “I’m sorry that’s how you perceive it.” He would insist that an event or conversation never happened. He would always tell me he remembers what I said or did better than I do, stating, “You’re clearly not remembering correctly.”

He would place blame on my past behaviors to excuse his current behaviors, stating that if I had acted differently, he wouldn’t be this way. He would withhold love when he was mad, even when he was at fault. This included not talking to me, hugging me, kissing me, and ignoring me when I told him I loved him. He would even refuse to sleep in the same bed, sometimes because he couldn’t stand to be around me and other times just to intentionally hurt my feelings. He would tell me that I was just being dramatic, sensitive, or hormonal, sometimes stating, “Maybe you really do need therapy.”

I’m sure there are other things I could rattle on about. There’s so much that I can’t keep track of it all. I would tell him when these things would hurt me. I would even use words like “controlling” and “manipulative.” It never meant anything to Adam. He rarely responded with remorse, love, or compassion. One night toward the end, I was fed up. I didn’t want to feel unwanted and unloved anymore. I told Adam I wanted a divorce. His response to that was the most sorry I’d ever seen him. After a few weeks, we started marriage counseling. I think things got a little better in the day-to-day, but when he got mad, he would go right back to his cruel habits.

A few months into counseling, on a Sunday, there was a women-only family thing I attended. The time had been moved to later, and no one had told me, so I was out while Adam was stuck at the house with the kids for longer than I had intended. Adam called me, telling me that this thing that was entirely out of my control was unacceptable. He demanded that I leave and come home immediately, but everyone had just gotten there, and I’d carpooled with my mom, and I wasn’t going to make her leave because of him. I became indignant and told him that he could handle a few hours doing the same thing that I do all day every day. He told me that becoming a stay-at-home mom after being laid off was what I had asked for and to stop whining about it. I told him that I really didn’t want to be yelled at and have this argument with him in front of my family, and I hung up. We didn’t speak of it when I got home.

The next morning, Adam called me into the bathroom while he was getting ready. I had cleaned off the bathroom counter that weekend and thrown away 3 or 4 empty deodorants. I guess one wasn’t empty as I had thought. That morning, Adam screamed at me about deodorant, calling me a liar, insisting that the two blue deodorants I was speaking of never existed, and repeatedly asked why I would lie about it. All I had done was try to help clean up his side of the sink. I even apologized for mistaking the good deodorant for an empty one and accidentally throwing it away. But he was so fixated on the blue deodorant, how he never buys blue deodorant, when I was sure the details of those two blue containers would be my saving grace and make him realize that I really was telling the truth. Why else would I remember those details? But it didn’t matter. He was always right, and I was always lying. I walked away from the argument when our 3-year-old son came in and said, “Guys, guys, it’s okay. Just calm down.”

I realized then that things would never change. No amount of marriage counseling could fix what was broken. His irrational, angry episodes that got out of hand were becoming more frequent and more severe, and I was unwilling to see how far they would go.

In 4 hours, I packed everything the kids and I would need for at least a month, and we left for my parents’ house.

Part of me doesn’t want to blame Adam. He didn’t understand the magnitude of the damage he was doing to my psyche. But the rest of me remembers how many times I told him he was hurting me, that I didn’t want to be with him the way he was, that I didn’t want that for our children. That should have been enough for him to want to change. I shouldn’t have had to threaten divorce, to leave, to give him the exact terminology for gaslighting and psychological abuse. You don’t do these things to the people you love, and you sure as hell listen to them when they are crying for help.

I know our friends and loved ones will see me moving forward quickly and think I must have been cheating on him. I must not have loved him. I must not have cared about our family and our marriage. But I did. I fought for our marriage for years while the man who was supposed to be my partner ignored me. And when I couldn’t fight for our marriage anymore, I fought for survival, to keep our home together so our kids could at least have both parents around, even if they didn’t have the healthiest relationship. But I deserve better than that, and so do our children.

I am not unaffected by this. It was the worst feeling in the world breaking heart of the man I considered my best friend for 9 years, watching him crumble in front of me. It was incredibly difficult to maintain my resolve in the weeks that followed as he begged me for another chance. And it’s freaking terrifying not knowing what our future will hold as a result of my decision.

I will continue to mourn the loss of my marriage – all of the hard work, love, blood, sweat, and tears that went into trying to make it work. I will mourn the loss of the strong family unit I thought my children would grow up with. I will mourn the loss of the plans we had made for the future, the life we wanted to build. But what I want my family to understand is that I have been unhappy for years. I struggled for years with the realization that I knew had to leave. It just took me a long time to finally be ready. So if it looks like I’m moving on too quickly or seem okay with this all, it’s because I began mourning the loss of life as I knew it years ago. I have been broken for too long. Now it’s time for me to heal and be happy.

#rant post #personal post #divorce #separation #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #gaslighting #manipulation #toxic relationship

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phanfictioncatalogue · 1 year

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Ocean Themed Titles Masterlist

A Drop in the Ocean - icequeenjules26

Summary: Dan had been ecstatic when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing wanted him in the next season, until he found out HE would be there.

An Island in the Mediterranean (ao3) - natigail

Summary: A holiday just for them and their friends. A little break filled with calmness by the seaside. Five precious moments shared on Instagram. September 2017

An Ocean Away - danhowellsfringe-blog

Summary: Phil is gone on holiday in Florida and Dan breaks down because he misses him, but Phil finds a way to make Dan feel better even if he is an ocean away

As Blue As the Ocean - the-stressmushroom

Summary: Dan loves Phil, and Phil loves Dan. A happy ending right? Well, the only problem is that Phil is blind.

Blue Fish (ao3) - potatocakesparker

Summary: PJ leant back and laughed. “Oh my god, oh my fucking god, it’s just your luck isn’t it? Out of thousands of crazy, random fans, one of them is your soulmate!”

//Daniel Howell is the lead vocalist and guitarist of alt-rock band, 'Hanging Grims' he created with his best friend, PJ Liguori. Last night, he played a normal show and did a meet and greet. This morning, he woke up with the mark of his soulmate.

Boats Against the Current (ao3) - Emejig16

Summary: Dan is a literature teacher who loves his job more than anything in the world, but then things get a little difficult when his former high school boyfriend gets a job as the new media director, and well Dan isn’t exactly happy to see him again.

coast to coast (ao3) - lilactreesinwinter

Summary: Dan is on tour and doesn't check his phone.

Flotsam - phandabbydosey

Summary: Dan is a ten year old merman who has been cruelly ripped away from his home and family to be put on display in a far from adequate tank. Phil is a ten year old boy who is obsessed with merpeople and thinks it’s a dream come true when the local aquarium rescues one from the English coast. However, things aren’t quite as they seem and ,as the two grow up together and get closer, Phil discovers the truth and becomes disenchanted. Dan has to struggle to survive while Phil endeavours to save his friend from a miserable, humiliating life performing himself to a premature death.

Like tidal waves (ao3) - gravityplant

Summary: Phil's a single father dealing with a touchy kid and a turmoil of emotions after a terrible accident that has torn Phil's perfect life into shreds. He gets advised to go on a vacation away from the buzz of the city with faith in his heart that this might be what solves all of their problems... What he doesn't expect is to meet someone that's going to turn the tide in Phil's life.

Plenty of Fish in the Sea (ao3) - MarriedPhan1234

Summary: When Dan and his family move into a new house on the beach, he has high hopes that he will be able to finally make some friends. He doesn't have much luck at school, but things start looking up for him when he starts spending more time in the water. He can't help but wonder if he and Phil will ever be able to have a good old fashioned Mario Kart tournament, though. Or, Phil is a mermaid and they become bff's!

Salt Water (ao3) - Reused_memes

Summary: Norman POV

Sea Mist (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil is a dragon, he has been for quite a while, and it isn't until a handsome stranger wanders onto him in distress that he might finally be able to become human again, but even if that were to happen, what would he do next?

Sea Glass (ao3) - kae_karo

Summary: Phil arrives on the Isle of Man to house-sit at his family's cabin while it's repaired and sold. Except the cabin's in far worse shape than expected, and Phil's got to find somewhere else to stay

Sea of Confusion - littlephanfics

Summary: Mermaid!Phil became a human to live with Dan, and sometimes life can get a little confusing.

seasick (ao3) - Fictropes

Summary: Because Phil is the only person who could get sick on a non moving boat.

the ocean is calm, the tide is at bay (ao3) - philliebf

Summary: death has welcomed himself in so many homes all over the world. if he ever came knocking on dan and phil's door, they promised they would meet by the ocean where their love would continue after a reckless date with death.

Water (ao3) - DixieWilliams

Summary: N/A

Waves (ao3) - vampiricalthorns

Summary: With tomorrow's being the day for the start of Spooky Week, the waves try to pull Phil under. Luckily, Dan's there to be his lifeline.

waves are washing me (out) (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: Phil gets hurt while in Jamaica, but Dan is there to take care of him

We Tossed And We Turned Our Oceans (ao3) - theshyauthor

Summary: All Phil wants is to be left alone by the other 102,700 people living on the island of Jersey, but somehow the brown-haired guy working at the little tea shop in the Victorian market hall doesn’t get the memo.

With the Tide (ao3) - Cougar88

Summary: Dan and Phil go to a beach party at night. Things accidentally happen...

Waves Will Pull Us Under - botanistlester

Summary: Dan is a marine biologist in training and Phil is a mermaid

#phanfictioncatalogue #phan #phanfic #phanfiction #masterlists #ocean #ocean masterlist

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yelenasdiary · 2 years

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You Are

Pairing: Florence Pugh x Reader

Summary: Florence assures you how much you mean to her and comforts you when your insecurities overload your mind.

| Fluff & Angst | 1.9K | Cyberbullying, body shaming, name calling, swearing.

Y/BF/N (Your Best friends Name)

Prompt 12 from my list: “I’m yours, in every way possible.”

AC: Comfort Flo? Yes please!

*This is a request from my old blog*

You were never one to let the talk of social media to get you down but sometimes it’s harder when you’re alone. Florence has left town for a friend’s birthday party. You couldn’t go with as you had promised your best friend that you’d help with moving apartments. She’s moving from a smaller one to a bigger one, she’s worked hard and you’re beyond proud of her.

Florence and you have been together for two years now, fans and critics have been keeping tabs on the two of you since you both announced the relationship publicly. You were flooded with countless DMs on Instagram from fans wishing you both the best, some weren’t as impressed as others, but you brushed them off. Who were they to tell you who you should date or not?

You’ve spent less and less time on social media since being with Florence, that’s one of the things you’ve loved the most. Before you met her live was a tad boring and social media kept you entertained for the most part but being with Florence? She made you forget about the digital world.

“Thank you so much for helping again!” Y/BF/N smiled as she let you into her now packed and boxed apartment. “You literally don’t have to thank me” you grinned. There was a moving truck parked in the street with the driver keeping watch for the two of you. You grabbed a box and started the day of labour.

“How’s Florence?” your friend of 10+ years asked. “She’s great, she’s got a few projects in the work that she’s excited about so things are about a tad busy” you explained with a smile. “That’s great, she loves work so I can imagine how excited she is to get back out there”

“You’re telling me!” you giggled.

After a few hours of taking boxes down to the truck then getting the bigger items ready for the next truck load of things before driving to her new apartment and unloading the truck it was time for lunch. A couple of sandwiches and cakes from the café would good you both well.

Naturally you’d checked your phone as we all do. A quick scroll through Instagram before you opened Twitter. Your feed was flooded with new candid photos of your girlfriend, a smile formed on your lips at the sight of her. Then the comments started showing.

“Flo is in her single hot girl summer I know it!”

“Single Flo??!”

“Uhm, where’s Y/n?”

“If Flo and Y/n broke up I’m literally going to throw a party! I was getting so tired of those two”

“Y/n kicking herself for letting Flo walk around looking this good, I just KNOW it”

Were just some of the comments that you saw, you ignored them knowing the truth of your relationship with Florence was strong and these people had no idea what you and Florence share. You focused on the good, some of your other friends tweeting memes that made you forget the comments you just read. You retweeted a couple, instantly regretting it as your notifications started blowing up.

“@yourusername if you and Florence have split, it’s for the best. It must have been hard to keep thinking you were worthy of her” one account stood out to you. Stupidly you fell into the trap of looking over their account. How somebody would waste so much of their own time to create an account to direct hate at you was beyond you. They butchered your photos, cropped you out of candids with Florence along with personal photos you’d shared before.

“How can Flo wake up to this everyday makes me sick!” one tweet read with an attached photo of you, a screenshot of a video Florence had posted of you pulling stupid faces at her while at a family event. Your heart started to break as you couldn’t control your thumb from scrolling further down.

“Imagine being Florence have to be seen out with this whale looking human” read the tweet that hit a little harder than you thought. You’ve had insecurities about your body for so long and you were just learning to love yourself and see your self beauty as you are, but this tweet had all those negative thoughts running back.

Then there was a mix of photos of Florence when she was in Ibiza with friends, “Florence and Will look more in love than her and Y/n ever had. Please let this happen!!” the account tweeted along with a thread of people they thought Florence looked better with.

“Ready to get back to it?” Y/BF/N’s voice broke your attention, pushing your feelings to the side you gave her a fake smile “give me one second, I just need to reply to this message” you said. She nodded before grabbing a box.

“Missing you darling, how’s the moving?” Florence’s text read. You didn’t notice it before.

“Just fine. Super busy, talk tonight” you replied before turning your phone off completely.

You helped Y/bf/n until everything was moved into her new apartment, it was around 9pm by the time you both finished, you stay back and helped her put her bed together, so she didn’t have to sleep on the hard floor. She was extremely grateful and hugged you super tight. “I know something has been on your mind today, but I really do love you and I appreciate all the help today” she smiled as you both pulled away from the hug. “I love you too and again, stop thanking me!” you chuckled, “I am however going to go home and shower” you smiled.

“A shower sounds so good! Don’t let me hold you back” she laughed. You said your goodbyes and headed home. Turning your phone back on once you pulled into the driveway, 10 missed calls from Florence along with serval unread texts. The lights still on in the house but you couldn’t bring yourself to face her just yet. Hurt from the words you’d read but it got worse. More tweets, more messages drained you emotionally. Tears filled your eyes, your body slightly shaking from the physical pain you were feeling. You totally forgot that there were cameras for security purposes. One faced the main gate, and another captured the driveway.

You broke down, tears running freely down your cheeks, your head rested on the steering wheel while you held your hands over your chest. A soft knock on the window of your car made you look up. There stood Florence with eyes of worry, she opened the door and kneeled, placing her hand on your thigh gently.

“Baby, what’s happened?” she asked. You looked over at her, your eyes red and sore before you wiped your tears away only for them to return. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it” you cried.

“Darling don’t give me that. What’s going on” Florence frowned with concern. Without speaking you handed her your phone. She punched in your pin code and was welcomed to the account that started your breakdown. She took a moment and scrolled through some of the vile things that were posted. “I know I should’ve read it; I know I should’ve just blocked the account but I just- “

“My love, look at me” Florence stopped you, placing your phone on the ground. You looked at her and snuffled, she cupped your cheeks and wiped the rest of your tears away. “This” she looked down at your phone then back to you “is pure bullshit. It’s crap, it untrue and all posted by somebody who has no idea who you are as a person” she started leaving one hand on your cheek, her thumb stroking your skin gently while her other free hand held your left hand. “Baby, you are so fucking beautiful, I mean that. Everybody has flaws but I love every single one of yours. I want you to know that I’m yours, in every way possible.” She smiled softly.

“You make me smile, you make me laugh, you bring me love and comfort, you are the sun on a stormy day, you are the warmth I seek when it’s cold outside, you are beautiful soul I give my all too. Theses mindless pricks don’t see the how special you are and that’s their loss. If they can’t see how beautiful and breath taking you are, they are blind. I love you, do hear me? I love you, all of you, everything single part of you. I love you, only you”

You looked into your girlfriends’ eyes and wondered how you could ever be so silly to question her intentions. You loved her so much and she loved you more than you’d ever know. You gave her a small nod, “I love you, I’m sorry” you spoke softly.

“Don’t you ever apologise for the behaviour of others” Florence said before she kissed you gently but full of pure love. Showing you that nobody what anybody said, you were the one she loved more than people would know. “Now come inside, I’ve made dinner and I even got some of your favourite bath bombs to help relax your body after all that lifting today” she said before kissing you again.

While you were in the bath after dinner, Florence took it upon herself to call out the trolls that made you question yourself. She never liked doing this but after seeing you so broken, she wasn’t having it happened again.

florencepugh: I didn’t think I’d have to make this post again and repeat myself but some of you need to be told one final time.

It is NOT your place to make my loving, beautiful girlfriend feel unworthy of my love. There is no need to be saying such horrid things about her. You don’t know her, you don’t talk to her, you don’t see her and you sure as well don’t feel the things she makes me feel. Y/n is my partner, my girlfriend, my sunshine, my darling, my love, you name it, she is my all. I love her.

I don’t use Twitter and after today I am extremely grateful I don’t because the things that have been said there is sickening, disrespectful and disgusting. I’m not going to expose the account, but you know who you are. The things you’ve said do hurt, they do get read and they take a toll on not only the person you direct them too but those around them.

This afternoon, Y/n came home and showed me what you’d said. I don’t know why you think you have any right think you know anything that goes on in my mind but let me assure you that waking up to Y/n every morning is a fucking blessing. She does this little nose scrunch before she wakes up that drives me crazy and oh lord, her morning voice? WOW! So, if that image makes you feel sick, I hope you’re next to the toilet, love.

For those who do support my beautiful partner, please enjoy these series of photos and videos that are some of my favourites of her. It’s been over two years and I still can’t believe how lucky I am to call her mine! How lucky I am to hold her every night, kiss her whenever I feel like, show her off to the world. I’m so grateful for her and everything she does for me. Y/n, baby, I love you!

Taglist: @red1culous |

#florence pugh #florence pugh x reader #fanfiction

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father-time-and-baby-new-year · 3 years

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happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"

#eren yeager x reader #bully eren yeager #toxic eren #eren yeager x you #yandere eren x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren x fem!reader #eren yeager x reader fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #dubcon tw #tw noncon #tw abuse #tw drinking #tw drunk driving #eren yeager fanfiction #dark content #dark fic #tw trauma #tw depr

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keysmashingfantasies · 3 years

Text

Bloody Comfort

pre borderlands!Niragi x fem!reader / Niragi x fem!reader

A/N: i feel like i only post Marvel on this blog and i missed my show so here it is, finally an AiB fic! :D also, minigame: how many alice in wonderland references can you spot? also also, bloody comfort is an awesome name for a band and if you do name your band that, i want my money. enjoy the fic! also also also i didn’t proofread SHIT so sorry for any grammar mistakes.

trigger warning: bullying, mentions of violence (nothing too graphic, i think but beware nonetheless), death (graphic. i mean, i’m not that good of a writer but still, beware), very slight mentions of nsfw, especially torwards the end, niragi (HE’S A WARNING OK), niragi having disturbing thoughts (what else is new. but fr, ok), sliiiiiight yandere niragi torwards the end. (also I tried not to describe in too much detail the bullying that niragi and the reader suffer in the fic so it wouldn’t be too sad).

@dreamingofanisland here it is bestie!

Niragi couldn’t pinpoint when he stopped being sad and when he started getting angry. From a suffocating hopelessness came a desperation he could only describe as feral. He often fantasized about just jumping over his desk and strangling each one of them to death but his thoughts quickly ended with Niragi envisioning himself being overpowered and beaten. He started to not only get angry at his bullies, but people in general. Things. Life.

How could so many people turn a blind eye? How could life be so unfair to give people like this the upperhand and not him? Not him that clearly deserved it? This world was backwards.

He knew he was fucked when he saw the bat, and although he braced for the impact he couldn’t help but fall to his knees and wince at the sickening sound that the baseball did in contact with his nose.

He just sat there and while all he wanted to do was to rip their throats with his teeth all he did was to endure a few more punches before they left with a promise that there would be more. He sat there trying not to cry with sheer frustration. His papers were scattered around, the left arm of his glasses was broken and his pristine black outfit was now covered in dust from the gravel, his hands scratched. He could taste blood on his tongue and he felt a sick satisfaction, pretending for one moment that it was another person’s blood he was tasting.

“Do you need help?”, a voice woke him from his violent daydreams. Suddenly everything boiled over and he felt an overwhelming anger rise inside of him. In a blink of an eye he was standing up, yelling at a somewhat blurry image of a girl who he towered over, even more as she shrunk under his anger. If he wouldn’t be so busy screaming profanities, he would be madly aroused.

“WHAT, HUH? CAME TO SEE THE SHOW? TO LAUGH AT ME?”, he was furious, and as he approached her, she proceeded to walk back.

“No. I just wanted to help”, she said. It seemed another flash and suddenly he could see a bit clearer. Although startled, she didn’t seem afraid of him, and was extending him a tissue. “Your nose is bleeding”, she said, and Niragi wanted to scoff at her for stating the obvious. But she was being kind. And as angry as he was, kindness wasn’t something that he could say no to. He tried his best to control his shaky hands as he took the tissue from her hands and carefully dabbed his nose, as she ducked to collect his papers, and tuck them back into his bag.

“Saw what they did to you. ‘m sorry”, she mumbled. Niragi wanted to strangle her out of sheer embarrassment.

“And you just took some popcorn and enjoyed the spectacle?”, he spat.

“I wanted to help but I wasn’t sure what to do. Would you rather if I had called someone?”, she asked. He breathed once, twice. She wasn’t mocking him, but was unnervingly calm. Something about her being calm while he was practically foaming at the mouth had him seeing red and suddenly he regret having wiped the blood off of his lips.

“No”, he said, calmly. “No, I wouldn’t. Sorry. I have to go”, he said, ripping his bag from her hands with such force that he tugged her arm with it.

“Wait! I mean what I said! I want to help!”

“You, help me? What are you going to do, huh? Be my bodyguard?”, he mocked her one more time. He couldn’t help himself, his brain got used to this. Fight or flight. His adrenaline was pumping and everytime he was around school grounds he looked over his shoulder.

“Hmmm, sorta? Not exactly but I could show you a place. A safe place”, she said. He just looked at her.

“If we get there and it’s a prank of some sort I’ll let you punch me. Square in the face”, she said.

“Are you insane? You just go around letting people punch you in the face?”, his mouth was quicker than his brains and suddenly he felt his face grow hot at the irony of what he had said. But if she noticed it, she didn’t mention.

“Let me help you”, she said.

And he did.

He followed her through a wooded area near the school grounds after walking through a hole in a fence.

He was getting ready to beat you to the punch and hit you so hard that you’d bleed as hard as he did, until you stopped until you reached a very underwhelming toolshed with a padlock.

“We’re here”, you said, and he realized that she sounded different. All this time she was on edge. ‘Of course, Suguru, you threatened the girl like, 3 times’, said the voice in the back of his head. She pulled a key from her bag and the padlock opened easily and they heavy chains fell to the ground and she pushed open the door, going inside. He hesitantly followed.

The inside is nothing as he thought it would be. For starters, it was surprisingly clean and it didn’t smell bad. And instead of tools and brooms and leafblowers, it had bean bags, blankets, a table with a radio full of knickknacks in the corner and a chair that had clearly seen better days but looked comfortable none the less. The girl walked to a corner of the room and his eyes followed her as she closed the door, which had small sharpie drawings on it. She reached for a white box and settled it on the floor between the two bean bags, and reached inside a very small thermos to pull out an artificially blue isotonic drink and settled it down too. Then from the plastic bag he previously assumed was trash, she pulled a bag of chips.

She then patted the bean bag next to hers. “Welcome to my clinic”, she said, placing the white box on her lap.

After an entire afternoon of bonding over unhealthy food and an impromptu first aid rescue, Niragi learned that her name was Y/N, she was a year below and that this little world she created was her refuge from the girls in her class that picked on her.

“I found this and decided that it would be nice. No one’s using it, it’s far from everything. It’s on the Beheaded Woman’s territory”.

Niragi heard the rumors through his bullies. “One day we’ll drag you to the Beheaded Woman’s woods and fucking kill you”. After further investigation, he learned that allegedly a girl was dragged through the woods and beheaded with a blunt axe.

“I made the rumors up. I had to make sure no one would find my safe haven”, she explained. “And once you write something in the girls’ bathroom stall, there’s no turning back. It’s out there and it’s truth”, she sighed. “I would know”.

He wasn’t the most up to date in all the gossip but she told him her story. The rumors they spread, the things they did to her. She almost seemed amused. He in turn told her his story. By the end of it, he could kill someone. She then offered him the other key to her safe haven.

“You can decorate it too. Don’t tell anyone else and make sure to lock it after you use it. Use it as much as you want, just make sure they don’t follow you, okay?”

He took the keys with shakey hands, a knot on his throat. Another type of adrenaline was pumping through his veins. When a few moments ago there were a fast white heat, coursing through him like an electric current, this was slow and almost overwhelmingly warm, like molten lava.

“Why are you doing this? Being so nice to me?”, he whispered as if it was a secret, as if this moment was another fantasy, a deer that’s easily spooked. He had fantasized about this too. A safe haven, an ally. A friend.

“Because we’re the same, you and I”.

You hated him. You hated him with a burning passion. What was at first an act of pity, born from the empathy you felt by seeing someone go through what you did, quickly became a friendship and like a disease, it spread to beyond your safe haven. You would spend your free time together, walk home together. You became friends. And what did he do? Exactly what he told you he would.

“Sometimes don’t you wish to disappear?”, he whispered to you once.

“Yeah. Like, run away? Yeah, I do”, you replied agreeing with him.

‘You’re the only one that understands me. We really are the same’, he would say. What at the beginning of your budding crush on him gave you butterflies on the stomach now made you want to throw up.

You lost your only friend. You despised the sound of music now, because every single song you heard, you shared with him. For the same reason, you didn’t enjoy your favorite movies anymore. Your bullies banded together to target you. And the worst part of all, is that you couldn’t even care. There was no silver lining anymore.

“Don’t you get furious?! Don’t you want to hurt them, make them pay?”, he said as he watched you apply concealer to a bruised cheek.

“I mean, I get angry but I try my best to not let it get to me. It’s what they want. I despise those people, I can’t get in a funk because of them”, you said nonchalantly.

But you had loved him. And now you felt like even moving around was an herculean task, like you were almost dead trying to get to safety. But there was no safety anymore.

Ironically, you started to understand him more and more after he disappeared. The anger, the hatred. How could anyone just follow their lives? When there’s people like you just suffering through yours?

Suguru Niragi was an illness, a parasite. He carved his way under your skin and into your heart, laid eggs of his hate on your veins and sucked you dry of your life’s essence. Then, after you were a shell of a human, he disappeared out of thin air, leaving you alone. Leaving you with those people. Leaving you to die.

And you were still in love with him.

You thought you were finally insane when it happened.

The streets were empty. Absolutely no one. You wondered for a moment if you felt so alone that your mind convinced itself that that’s exactly what had happened, if any moment now you would be locked in an insane asylum for running around and screaming until you throat got raw.

It took you two games to understand what was going on. You made sure to change clothes. Running shoes, leggings and a warm hoodie that you never let the hood down. You decided to significantly shorten your hair after you saw a man pull a young girl by the ponytail in a spades game. You loaded a backpack with food and bottles of water, anything you could find. And an axe that you took from an emergency box from the building you slept in.

It was on your 5th game that it happened. You saw people die in these games, but none of it was hands on for you. You just watched your back and hoped to win and let whoever was running this show take care of the rest. Honestly, you didn’t even wait to know if anyone even survived. You were done doing that.

When you got there, there were five people already. They banded together and whispered amongst themselves as you passed them by and grabbed a phone. Probably just a group of friends that got stranded at the same time and decided to stay together. You clutched you axe harder.

You didn’t even realize that you had zoned out until you heard hollering and four guys heavily armed walked you by. Where the fuck did they get guns? One of them let out a boisterous laugh that reminded you of someone that you wanted desperately to forget. You couldn’t even get over him during fucking Saw? That sound made your skin crawl.

Registration closed, said the mechanic voice. Difficulty: 8 of clubs. The first 5 players will be the first team and the last 5 players will be the second. One team must eliminate the others without losing any players. Both teams will be identified by the color of your screen, and will have one minute to hide.

You saw the armed guys’ screens light up red. You sighed in relief as yours did too. You made sure to keep your head down and thank whoever that not killing teammates was a part of the rules. They seemed amused and absolutely calm, and the guy with the rifle laughed again. You were shaking by now.

When the minute started, everyone bolted in different directions. You didn’t even look back to see if your teammates had accompanied you but by the sound of your footsteps crushing leaves, you were alone. You decided to go back after a while, looking around. A lamppost. Huh, lamppost it is. You leaned against the cool metal and focused on the silence. The minute had ended but they were still hunting. You didn’t come across anyone, which was good. After a while, all you could hear were distant gunshots.

You looked to the floor, only to see a shadow approaching you quick. You barely had time to dodge before a man hit you behind the head with a rock. You reacting made him lose his balance, falling to the floor and letting go of the rock. You looked at him. It was one of the boys from the other team. He had on a white button up blouse and a black hoodie. His hair had fallen over his brown eyes and he looked so scared and so alone.

This will have to do.

You didn’t stop, suddenly lifting the axe and bringing it down was like an automatic thing.

“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME? AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU! YOU ABANDONED ME IN A MINUTE, LEFT ME ALONE IN THAT HELL!”

You didn’t stop when he started praying and then screaming. You didn’t stop when he started bleeding profusely or when the strength of your movements made your hood slide down from your head. You didn’t stop when his head got detached from his body and if you weren’t so angry, you would’ve listened tfootsteps. You didn’t stop until you had made mincemeat out of his face. Just for the sheer audacity of reminding you of him.

He looked at you from afar while you looked at the body of the boy whose skull you just had destroyed, a maniac, victorious smile on your face. You were pretending the boy was him. You really thought he had abandoned you? He would be absolutely heartbroken if he wasn’t so aroused. That’s what he always wanted to see, the instincts that you tried to push down. You were right, you were both the same. He wanted to lick that blood off of you, use it as lube to take you right there. When he first arrived at the Borderlands, when he first killed someone and liked it, he thought you would be disgusted by him. But look at you now. You were here, perfect for him, soaked in blood, feral. He’s never been so hard.

“Y/N”, he said.

“Niragi?,” you said. He ran to you, held you even when you fought back, even when you screamed bloody murder that you were going insane, begging to die already, even when you passed out on his arms. He licked a drop of blood from your neck.

“Let me take you to our safe haven”, he whispered against your skin.

#niragi loving hours in this mf house #niragi x reader #niragi fic #niragi suguru #suguru niragi #niragi imagine #alice in boderland x reader #alice in borderland fic #niragi suguru x reader #suguru niragi x reader

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bucky-hues · 3 years

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bucky barnes fic recs

here are some bucky fics i loved reading!

many of these are 18+ and there are some dark fics in here, so please read the warnings for each fic! if any of the writers i’ve included want anything removed/edited, please let me know!

one shots

jack pendleton | @roger-that-cap

author!bucky x reader

moving into an apartment to get away from your last relationship was fun all fun and games until you met your extremely attractive across-the-hall neighbor, who makes awesome cookies and even better novels.

grip | @pellucid-constellations

bucky x reader

You knew Bucky didn’t like his arm. You just didn’t know how much until he accidentally hurt you with it.

voicemails to an unmanned inbox | @pellucid-constellations

bucky x reader

When Bucky takes an argument a little too far, you take off. All he wants is for you to come back home.

can’t get the words out | @pellucid-constellations

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky’s been awfully distant lately. You don’t think your heart can take what you know he’s about to say.

his everything | @likeahorribledream

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky has trouble talking about his feelings and he ends up pushing away the one person he needs the most.

eavesdrop | @bestofbucky

bucky x avenger!reader

things spies don't notice | @starrysebastians

bucky x avenger!reader

don't you worry (your pretty little head) | @babyboibucky

guitarist!bucky x reader

You agree to spend twelve hours with Bucky whom you just met.

suburbia | @wkemeup

bucky x avenger!reader

Posing as husband and wife, you and Bucky infiltrate a quaint suburban neighborhood in search of a Hydra hacker. Perhaps if you weren’t so in love with him and he hadn’t broken your heart, the act of pretending wouldn’t hurt so much.

sparklin' eyes | @19ana45

roommate!bucky x reader

Prompt: Character A’s current boyfriend/girlfriend/partner mocks Character B for their crush on their best friend, [A]. [B], feeling humiliated, withdraws from the friendship with [A], who is completely oblivious [B] has feelings for them.

reoccurring face | @swtbbybarnes

bucky x reader

he’s been around a lot lately, sometimes multiple times a day, and you’re starting to wonder how much coffee one man can actually drink.

falling for you | @comfortbucky

roommate!bucky

moving on | @bucky-bucket-barnes

bucky x reader

After Bucky had been missing for a year, you had presumed him dead. Time passed, yet you seemed unable to move on from his death. That was until a familiar face came to your doorstep one winter night.

bucky bitchass barnes to the rescue | @bucky-bucket-barnes

bucky x avenger!reader

In an attempt to escape from hectic life as an Avenger, you decided to go out on a date. Unfortunately, you got stood up. While Bucky hates you, he hates seeing you embarrassed more and decides to fill in for your M.I.A. date.

pansies, pain, and other things about bucky | @bucky-bucket-barnes

bucky x avenger!reader

You and Bucky are begrudgingly paired on a mission together. This is less than ideal considering neither of you are too keen on the other tagging along. All goes as normal until a surprise attack severely hurts both of you. Feeling incredibly guilty, Bucky helps you tend to your wounds. He has trouble admitting it, but he wants to make sure you’re safe.

the lost converse | @firefly-in-darkness

bucky x reader

Last nights party was a bit of a mad one, what do you do when you wake up in someone else’s bed?

nervous | @dailyreverie

bucky x reader

A nervous Bucky introduces you to his fellow Avengers during game night

fever | @dailyreverie

bucky x reader

a little old fashioned | @gogolucky13

bucky x reader

Bucky is a bit subtle in telling you he likes you.

sweetart | @onlyjamesbarnes

soft!bucky x baker!reader

your best friend bucky tries to stay platonic with you, letting you live out your dreams, but his instincts soon get the better of him.

the things you've done | @divine-mistake

bucky x reader

what if the world ended tomorrow and all he did was spend his last day with you thinking about how you never hold his metal hand and you never walk on his left side and you constantly reach out for his right arm?

do you still love me? | @thatfangirl42

bucky x reader

2:00am | @thatfangirl42

bucky x avenger!reader

miscommunications | @empyreanwritings

bucky x avenger!reader

cookies, kisses, and such | @sweetbucky

neighbour!bucky

pretending | @multifandomwriter

bucky x reader

Bucky notices you at a party and is instantly attracted to you. Steve instantly notices the lovestruck look in his eyes, but also his nerves that are stopping him from talking to you. So Steve plays on Bucky’s jealousy to get him to make a move.

good together | @irndad

bucky barnes x avenger!reader

bucky and his girlfriend are in secret, and they think they are absolutely perfect for each other. literally everyone else in the compound thinks bucky and nat are made for each other.

l-o-v-e | @irndad

college!bucky x reader

college!bucky meets reader in a library and it’s all downhill from there. He’s desperately in love and pining and it’s all ridiculous and he doesn’t think she could like him back.

tell me the truth | @bwhitewolfbarnes

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky finds himself overhearing your conversation with his younger self, and he hates the way it makes him ache. He needs to know what is real.

the staring contest | @jobean12-blog

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky has a staring/glaring problem and you can’t figure out why!

lavender | @wkemeup

bucky x reader

Not every nightmare is the same and Bucky doesn’t always wake up as the man you know.

little lion man | @wkemeup

bucky x avenger!reader

Sent on an assignment back to 1943, you encounter a drastically different version of the man you know

purgatory | @wkemeup

bucky x avenger!reader

While on a mission, Bucky becomes dissociated into the Winter Soldier. But instead of becoming a threat, his instinct is to protect.

i love you, you idiot | @chrisevansjellybeans

bucky x reader

all the good things | @houseravenclaws

bucky x avenger!reader

bucky’s been more than a little happy recently. sam thinks it has something to do with the pretty girl on the team.

tap | @houseravenclaws

bucky x avenger!reader

bucky never talked much. he fell in love anyway.

shaking | @clintbartonswife

bucky x avengers!reader

after you get injured on a mission, the usually stoic Bucky breaks, and you see a side to him that he’s kept hidden ever since his acceptance into the Avengers.

deserving | @hanoella

bucky x healer!reader

When someone bad mouths Bucky in your presence, you set things straight.

keep me cool | @chouettedubois

bucky x avenger!reader

You and Bucky are on your third undercover mission acting as a couple. Things go awry when you fall ill. Cue caretaker!Bucky to the rescue.

on, off and repeat | @avasparks

neighbour!bucky x reader

i wished on the moon for you | @sunmoonandbucky

bucky x reader

After losing Bucky, you were devastated. So when Howard Stark asks for volunteers for an experiment, you’re the first in line.

the hottest avenger | @watchmegetobsessed

bucky x avenger!reader

Being locked together with Sam and Bucky brings the worst out of you, picking on each other constantly. Following an arguement Bucky accidentally calls you his girlfriend in front of Sam when your relationship was supposed to be a secret.

hey daddy | @watchmegetobsessed

bucky x avenger!reader

You join Peter and his friends for a game of Truth Or Dare but you wish you stayed in your room when MJ challenges you to do a task that will definitely out your secret relationship with Bucky.

crash course | @watchmegetobsessed

bucky x reader

Bucky is a regular at the café where you work at and seeing him struggling with technology, you offer to help him, teaching him the basics while you are both thinking about taking it a little further than just a crash course.

little things | @watchmegetobsessed

bucky x avenger!reader

missed chances | @soap-bubble-nebula

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky is about to ask out the reader, but right before she could answer him her ex calls her up and she answers happily as she always wanted a second chance with said ex

truth or dare? | @soap-bubble-nebula

bucky x avenger!reader

the experiment | @soap-bubble-nebula

bucky x reader

make believe on christmas eve | @green-eyeddragonfanfiction

bucky x reader

When your family insists you bring your [nonexistent] long-term boyfriend over for Christmas, you panic. You hadn’t expected to be put in this situation; you never thought you’d actually have to bring “him” over.

sick day | @nastybuckybarnes

bucky x avenger!reader

you tell a little white lie to escape Avenging for a day, and Bucky finds out. He’s hurt and upset, until he finds out your reason why.

spies and secrets | @barnesandco

bucky x reader

Bucky buys a new jacket that is… uncharacteristically bright. Sam ribs him for it, and you- you don’t know what to do with yourself.

the bar rules | @buckyhoney (18+)

bartender!bucky x reader

the family lunch | @buckyhoney (18+)

dad'sbestfriend!bucky x reader

forbidden fruit | @bucksfucks (18+)

dad'sbestfriend!bucky x reader

you attempt to set your ex’s things on fire. bucky has a better idea.

mr. brightside | @bucksfucks (18+)

ex'sdad!bucky x reader

the one where you fuck your ex's dad

left gasping for air | @bucksfucks (18+)

bucky x reader

doused with sex pollen, you & bucky are met with a difficult decision.

love me harder | @celestialbarnes (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

you and bucky have been flirting and screwing around for months now, after seeing him getting frisky with someone else, you decide to do the same and bucky’s just about had enough.

sweeter than sugar | @angrythingstarlight (18+)

chubbybaker!bucky x reader

look my way | @sableseb (18+)

neighbour!bucky x reader

boyfriend upgrade | @multifandomwriter (18+)

roommate!bucky x reader

You have always been close with your roommate, Bucky, but tensions start to rise when your boyfriend begins to stay over at your apartment. You feel like you’re drifting apart until Bucky accidentally sees you almost naked.

lure | @bccky (18+) dark

bucky x reader

it’s all about the perfect lure

plan | @sergeantxrogers (18+)

bucky x reader

“I was supposed to forget about you, and you were supposed to forget about me, but damn it if I could ever forget about you because since the day I saw you, you never left my mind and you were all I thought about,” he rambled, focusing on anything his eyes could land on that wasn’t you. “You’re… you’re still all I think about,” he whispered, voice tired and beaten, like the very sentence had been waiting in his throat for years just to get a chance to come out into the open.

play pretend | @wkemeup (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

When Bucky is injected with a substance that leaves him desperate for release, you offer your help.

you’re mine | @marveicinematics (18+)

bucky x reader

Having a secret relationship with a man as insecure and complex as James Buchanan Barnes may not have been the best idea you had, but one thing was certain: you knew how to make him feel better about the things that bothered him.

white lies and truth serum | @mariessecretfantasies (18+) dark

dark!bucky x avenger!reader

You and Bucky share a dance, a few too many drinks, and a night in bed together. Unfortunately, he neglects to tell you that he can’t get drunk.

bitter fruit | @divine-mistake (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

“The mission was already a success!” you say and you can feel tears burning the back of your eyes. You will yourself to blink them back. “You had the files, the base was set to detonate, I don’t understand why you didn’t just stay on the fucking jet.”

“Because you were going to die.”

always here | @simsadventures (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

You have an obvious crush on Bucky, and kind of hope he feels the same. But when you overhear agents talking about you, and then even Bucky, you realise there is no hope for you. At least you think there isn’t.

your captain | @onlyjamesbarnes (18+)

dark!bucky x reader, husband!steve x reader

a perfect anniversary night gets interrupted by his best friend, who happens to be your boss.

series/multi-chap

graveyard , sacrifice | @wkemeup

bucky x healer!reader

As the unofficial healer for the Avengers, you pride yourself on the ability to mend heroes with the touch of your hand. Only, your gift comes at a heavy price — one you keep secret from your friends —and when Bucky asks you to do the impossible, they’ll discover why your gift is called a sacrifice, too.

sunrise | @wkemeup (18+)

veteran!bucky x librarian!reader

After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is discharged from active duty and sent back to civilian life. Left with a storm of unchecked guilt, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you.

TiMER | @xbuchananbarnes (ongoing) (18+)

bartender!bucky x reader (soulmate au)

“If a clock could count down to the exact moment you’ll meet your soulmate, would you want to know?”

the match | @babyboibucky (ongoing) (18+)

ceo!bucky x reader

You come across your boss’ Tinder profile.

the holiday hack | @gogolucky13

bucky x reader (modern au)

You ask Bucky to be your stand-in boyfriend for your family’s Christmas party.

sexual healing , medicine | @gogolucky13 (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

You ask a touch-starved Bucky if he wants to try something new in an attempt to take your minds off work.

vacant mirrors | @whirlybirbs (18+)

bucky x reader

shit's been rough. shit was rough even before the blip. dr. hart shares an office with dr. raynor, and you share with waiting room with bucky barnes. set before tfatws; a friends-to-lovers, slowburn, eventual smut.

salvatore | @nsfwsebbie (18+) dark

dark!bucky x reader

Bucky Barnes doesn’t believe in love anymore. Especially after the tragic, unknown death of his wife, Natasha. He thinks it’s stupid and a waste of time and- oh my. Hello there, you. There you were, with your notebooks and your novels, writing your heart away. He’s hellbent on saving you from this nasty world, his elusive neighbor that has him under the stupid spell of love. You soon find yourself trapped in a tragic love story with Bluebeard, not Prince Charming.

polyonymous | @bubblebuckys

bucky x reader (social media au)

You met James on Twitter three months ago, and you’ve talked everyday since. You really like him, and you don’t think you’ve met anyone like him. That is, until the fateful night that brings the Avengers to you. You meet Bucky Barnes, and then you’re stuck choosing between two guys so alike you find yourself asking why they couldn’t be the same person.

going live , offline | @ritesofreverie (18+)

camboy!bucky x reader

your new neighbour looks so familiar, where had you seen him before?

heavy metal lover | @mypoisonedvine (ongoing) (18+)

sub!bucky x dominatrix!reader

working as a dominatrix is never exactly easy, but a new client brings challenges you never expected.

fake boyfriend real orgasms | @bucksfucks (ongoing) (18+)

roommate!bucky x reader

when bucky needs a date to sam’s wedding, he makes a deal with you. when it starts to turn into something a little more real, you realize how deep you’re in.

almost had me believing it | @tuiccim (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

An undercover operation playing Bucky Barnes’ wife is a dream come true. Playing house in the suburbs while trying to take down a drug ring brings you and Bucky closer but a nosy neighbor causes trouble in paradise.

it's brooklyn, baby | @my-divine-death (ongoing) (18+)

college!bucky x reader

hush 1 2 | @starbuckie (ongoing)

bucky x reader

in quiet corners and selfish moments, y/n and bucky have kept their relationship a secret, one love that was pure and untouched by the darkness that surrounded them. but after bucky is able to walk the streets a free man once again, will their love be able to survive?

misconceptions | @firefly-in-darkness (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky Barnes overhears a conversation that he shouldn’t have…

what a night | @jurassicbarnes

bucky x reader

Bucky Barnes is out in the new world, navigating through everyday life and it’s trials and tribulations. His therapist insists he tries new things. He has collected a few new hobbies. But when it comes to making new acquaintances, what’s a better way to meet new people than a little dating site called Tinder.

hey, professor | @balenciagabucky (ongoing) (18+) dark

professor!bucky x reader

professor barnes always had his eye on you, you noticed it, your girlfriend noticed it, even his friends and after one raunchy photo sent to him, a joke, nothing more, in his world you become more than just a student

missing piece 1 2 3 4 | @likeahorribledream

bucky x avenger!reader

seeing red | @mypoisonedvine (18+)

bodyguard!bucky x actress!reader

bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself. except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.

flight risk , no control | @wkemeup

bucky barnes x avenger!reader

Bucky becomes a flight risk after a failed mission and is put in lockup under Steve’s orders. Even though Bucky won’t say a word of what happened, you camp outside the door to his cell so he knows he isn’t alone.

bad match | @justreadingfics (18+)

bucky x reader

Bucky and the Reader are set up on a date, but things don’t go as well as expected.

unbroken | @constantwriter85 (18+)

bucky x hacker!reader

Bucky isn’t happy about being paired with a snarky, untested hacker on a stealth mission to infiltrate Hammer Industries. But when the mission spirals out of control and they’re both captured, he finds out just how much heart his hacker has–and how far she’s willing to go to protect the lives of others.

if i only had a heart 1 2 | @chouettedubois (18+)

bucky x reader

Team Cap is back at the compound after being pardoned. Bucky is suffering from the shoddy work HYDRA did with his prosthetic. Tony brings reader in to fix it—and maybe help him find his heart in the process.

text me | @soap-bubble-nebula

bucky x reader

Tony and the other’s are off on a mission, and it’s up to you to help Bucky get comfortable and assimilate into normal life. He texts you because Tony told him he could.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fic #fic rec

281 notes · View notes

clairecrive · 3 years

Note

Hello beautiful person! Do you take requests which ask you to write a second chapter for your writings? If you do, may I ask a second chapter for "Rare"? And if you don't could you please let me know so I can be careful for another time when I ask a request?

I hope this is not something that disturbes or irritates you. I love your writing, it is beautiful and sometimes I read your pieces over and over again. 😁

Thanks for blessing us with your writing. Have a nice day.💕

A/n: First of all anon, thank you so very much for your sweet words! They mean the world to me <3 Also, your request could never irritate me! I love them and I love the fact that you consider me half a decent writer enough to send me your thoughts <3 I'm sorry it took me so long to get around this but I hope you like this and are still around to read it x

I've decided to pair it with a request for juicy time with Eddie. there's no actual smut but it's suggestive let's say.

Warnings: bit of angst, fluff,

Word count: 2.4K

Tags: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @fandom--0verdose, @shadow-of-wonder, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @sopxhiea, @fuseburner, @for-bebbanburg, @crazyclownchick ( fill in this form to be added to my taglist)

Part 1

TOM HARDY MASTERLIST

You weren't exactly new to heartbreak. You had been a teenager after all but your experience with adult relationships had not been that good either.

You knew that you'd be over Eddie even if it may take you some time. It's true that you had only been dating for a few months but you had really grown attached to him. It was one of the things you hated about yourself: the way you got attached way too soon, way too much.

Especially, in this case, seeing as Eddie hadn't been 100% in it in the beginning you had hoped that the more time you'd spend together, he'd see that you weren't so bad and that he'd grow to care for you. At least a little bit.

Turns out you were wrong.

As much as you hated being wrong, the thing that hurt you the most was that despite your best efforts, Eddie still didn't think you were enough for him. And how could you be when the benchmark was perfect Anne?

You stood no chance. You had been a fool for even trying. And now you were experiencing the burn for your foolishness.

This had happened often enough that you had developed a routine for dealing with heartbreak:

1) crying your heart out and indulging your sadness with whatever helped (mostly comfort food and Friends)

2) enough with indulging, it was time to pick yourself up. No more overeating although you still allowed yourself to cry if you felt like it

3) "I don't need him anyway" phase where you'd make a mental list of how your life was before and after whoever you had broken up with to remind you that they weren't as important as you made them out to be

4)"put yourself out there again" phase where you started going out again with the intention of meeting new people or simply having a good time.

As of this time, you were in phase 3. You noticed that there were some of Eddie's things littering around your apartment. So, you picked up a box and collected them with the intention of returning them to him, effectively closing this chapter. As you did, you made that aforementioned list. This time, with the added reason for your break up, it was a bit easier to remind you why breaking up had been the right decision.

When your hands closed on your favourite hoodie of his though, you couldn't help the pang in your heart as a flood of memories hit you.

You and Eddie doing a Friends marathon every Friday night.

Eddie giving this hoodie when you were sick because he knew how much you liked it.

Eddie taking the hoodie off for a whole other reason almost ripping it...

No.

Shaking your head, you pushed those thoughts aside, focusing on the task at hand.

Enough of that. It was over.

It was only a week later that you finally got the time to come around Eddie's apartment. Sure, you could have called him, he could have come himself to pick them up or you could have dropped them at his job but that would have required you to call him. And recalling how that went last time you tried to reach him you decided you'd spare yourself the humiliation of him not ghosting you again.

Taking a deep breath, you straightened your shoulders and knocked on his door.

"Y/n." You were met with a dishevelled Eddie.

He looked like shit but what's new with him. He also looked very surprised to see you at his door and you also couldn't blame it for that. You would have reacted the same way if the roles were reversed.

"Hi, Eddie," you hated your treacherous voice that wobbled when you spoke. Clearing your voice, you tried again.

"Sorry to come here unannounced. I've found some of your stuff in my apartment and I thought you'd like to have them back." You explained as you handed him the box, his eyes taking it in for the first time.

"Oh," he paused as he considered your words. Was that disappointment in his voice? "Thank you, y/n. You shouldn't have." He smiled weakly as he took the box from you, your fingers touching briefly.

"It's not a problem, Eddie. I was just passing by anyway." You and Eddie actually lived far from each other. The truth is that there was no reason for you to be in this part of town if it wasn't for him. Eddie knew that but he was kind enough not to point that out.

He just nodded, accepting your words as he held the box close to his chest.

You awkwardly stared at each other for a while, you didn't know what to say but neither of you wanted to end this exchange quite yet. When you felt that you had been standing like a fool in front of your ex's door, you went to leave but Eddie beat you to it.

"So how have you been?" Your first reaction was to scoff at this attempt of small talk. Neither of you was very good at it. And truthfully, it was rich coming from someone who had not made any effort to keep in contact with you even before your breakup.

The scroll of your shoulders was the only answer Eddie got. You weren't in the mood to pretend nor did you want him to know how you were still suffering for him.

"I should ask that to you." You reverted the question to him. He really didn't look well.

"yeah, it's been a rough couple of weeks," he confessed scratching the back of his head.

"That, I don't find it hard to believe," you hummed as your eyes took him in, really took him in since you knocked at his door. You could also see behind him that his apartment was a mess.

"Yeah, don't have to worry about me though. I'm fine."

"Of course." You nodded at his dismissal, remembering harshly the situation you were in."Well, I'm going to go now. Take care." Cold but still polite you turn around, ready to put this -Eddie and this exchange- behind you.

"Y/n, wait!" he called when you were about to climb down the staircase. "Do you want to have a drink or something?" Stay for a while? he meant but didn't dare to say.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Eddie." You called over your shoulder, hand still on the railing.

"Please, I owe you an explanation." You didn't know if it was the desperate note in his voice or the fact that he really looked like shit but you turned around almost convinced.

"Don't you think it's too late for that, Eddie?"

"Maybe it won't change anything between us but you deserve to know." You knew Eddie and you knew how much he cared about transparency and honesty. This may not mean that you were going to get back together but he was right, you deserved an explanation.

"Okay," you agreed as you walked back and then into his apartment. Eddie closed the door behind him and set the box he was still holding down behind the coat hanger.

The sneak peek you had before was definitely right: Eddie's apartment was even messier than usual.

"Why does it look like a tornado hit your home?" You couldnìt help but point out. You knew Eddie wasn't that bothered by tidiness but this too much even by his standards.

"That would be my fault," a new voice answered you.

At first, you didn't register the difference in tone or accent even though you should have had because Eddieìs voice wasnìt that low or raspy. But then a black tendril entered your vision field catching your attention making you turning your head to better inspect it.

What.the.fuck??

"Eddie?" You asked perplexed, eyes fixed on this thing? even if you were addressing Eddie.

"Y/n meet Venom, Venom meet y/n." He gestured awkwardly with his hands.

"It's so nice to meet you, Eddie's always thinking about you, you know? It's a bit annoying." this time the voice didn't come from a tendril but a face. A fucking alien face with long sharp teeth and wide white eyes.

His words went straight over your head. How the fuck was this true? What were you even seeing? Did this thing come from Eddie's body??

"Fuck, I know I'm heartbroken but now I'm even seeing things?"

"Y/n," Eddie tried to get your attention. You thought you had only thought that but apparently, you had spoken the words. "You're not seeing things, this is part of the explanation I owe you."

"I think it's better if you sit," he said motioning to his couch when you did nothing but stare at Venom. Prompting by Eddie though, you sat down and listened as he spoke.

He told you everything. About Carton Drake about his project with aliens, about Venom and their rather troubled relationship. He even explained how Anne had got involved and how she and Danny had helped him.

It was definitely a lot to take in. But somehow, the thought that he could be lying to you never crossed your mind. The proof was right in front of you, wasn't it? Venom, as he had introduced himself, stood next to Eddie while he spoke. It had never spoken again and you were inwardly thankful for that. That he was giving you space to digest all of this.

"Why didn't you tell me when you came around that day, Eddie?" You asked once you thought you had wrapped your head around it.

"I didn't want you to drag you into this mess," he said with a shrug, head cast down he didn't meet your eyes.

You didn't know how you felt about all of this yet but you nodded anyway. Well, there was nothing you could do anymore, could you? He had already taken care of everything on his own and it wasn't like you had any right to worry about him anymore.

"Thank you for explaining, Eddie. I appreciate your honesty." Did this change anything for you?

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't enough of if Anne meant more to me than you did. That's not true but I didn't know how to tell you that without telling you what was happening." He nervously fiddled with his fingers without meeting your eyes.

You could see his point now that you knew what happened. Still, it hurt you that he decided to just keep you out of it without a word. He could have at least told you that something was going on, that he didn't or couldn't tell you anything - not right now. You would have understood and given him space. Did he really act like this to keep you safe or was it a way to dismiss you?

"I don't know if this changes things, Eddie. You still turned up to her when a major life-threatening event happened. I think this tells me everything that I need to know." You point out after a while, eyes fixed on the end of your shoes.

"She has been involved from the moment we broke up, Y/n. Hell, this was the reason we broke up in the first place." Eddie's head snapped up at your words. He looked surprised at your words like he couldn't believe that you thought Anne's involvement had been something he had actively sought out.

"That may as well be true, Eddie but still, you didn't tell me even after everything settled down. If I hadn't come around to give you your stuff I still would be none the wiser."

"I was afraid, y/n. How could I come back to you after how much I had hurt you? 'Sorry if I went m.i.a. for a while, I was infected with a parasite who knows permanently with me?' Come on, y/n, I wouldn't take me back either." Now upset, Eddie started to gesticulate frantically to prove his point. His eyes flickered between yours, he leaned toward you, his hands a touch away from yours as if he wanted to touch you but was preventing himself from doing so.

"I'm not saying I would have believed you straight away but still- aliens are way better than self-loathing you know?" You scoff at him- why was he so upset? He wasn't the one who had been beating himself up since that fight for being a worthless piece of shit, was he?

"I know I've never done a good job at showing you but I do care about you. Deeply." Almost as if he couldn't bear to not be touching you any longer, Eddie now reached for your hands. His hold on them tightening as he spoke the words.

You looked at him for a moment. Aside from that fight, your relationship with him had been good. The start wasn't promising, seeing as he was still taken by Anne but Eddie had treated you good. He was attentive and caring in his own way. Looking back to it now, you realized that the period where you started feeling him pulling back from you was the time when this whole alien thing had started.

But now you had settled this, right? So, could this mean...

"If I give you one more chance to show you," you spoke tentatively, enthralled by the twinkle in his eyes, "do you promise me to be fully transparent with me this time around?"

"What? Why would you do that?" He looked shocked but his eyes were hopeful.

"Are you trying to talk me out of it, Eddie?" You challenged him, arching an eyebrow.

"Like hell I am." He scoffed, a smile on his lips. "Nono, of course I do. I swear, y/n. You'll never feel like you don't matter to me again."

"Good." You gave him a small smile at the gobsmacked expression on his face. Oh, Eddie...

He does nothing but stares at you for a while. Like he hadn't seen you in a while and now that you were in front of him, he wanted to commit to his memory every little detail of your face.

"So," you said after a while, "do you plan to stare at me or would you like to get a head start on your promise?" you provoke him with a suggestive tone.

Eddie's mouth fell a little at that, Venom said something to him but you didn't understand him. Shaking his head, Eddie smirks at you.

"I would like nothing more." And with that, Eddie's lips are on yours making up for the lost time.

#eddie brock #eddie brock x reader #eddie brock x you #eddie brock one shot #eddie brock imagines #eddie brock imagine #eddie brock angst #eddie brock smut #venom #marvel #tom hardy x reader #tom hardy imagines #eddie brock fanfiction #eddie brock ff

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whatvilecreature · 3 years

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What are some of your thoughts about Tsukiyama? I don’t know if your a head cannon blog but I would like to hear some of what you think he’s like

Bro Tsukiyama? my favourite character ever. A real G. I love this man so much (without being overly rabid about him ofc).

These are gonna be a mix of silly and serious so watch out! Also a lot were brainstormed with @tg-headcanons a while back so kudos to them!

-Shuu definitely has more than ten Mitski songs on his playlists at any given time, he tries to hide the truth from Hori. But in true Hori-Tsukiyama hijinks fashion, she's able to hack his accounts and expose him for the true Mitski fan he is. Once he found out that Obama also listened to Mitski, he began to wear it like a badge of honour.

-Shuu can speak three languages fluently; English, French and Japanese. He's intermediate with German, Spanish and Italian. He gets sick a lot because of his shitty Alabama genetics so basically the only thing left to do from his bed is read. He moved around and jumped countries a lot as a kid, both his parents are Japanese-French and he was born in France (where he was taught French and Japanese) then moved to London for a couple of years where he needed to become fluent in English. After finally settling in Japan, his love of languages endured and he began learning others and refining his existing skills just for the hell of it.

-He's red-green colour blind, as was his mother, who designed fashion clothes in her spare time. His mother's taste is what inspired Shuu's, well, let's say, colourful wardrobe. You just know she designed a purple and green tailcoat in like 1996 and went "oh hell yeah this fucks" and Shuu in 2011 gets it out whilst rooting around her old room and goes "HELL YEAH THIS FUCKS"

-Shuu swears but mostly in English. You won't really catch him saying Scheisse or Merde but you'll catch him saying Fuck a lot.

-This man will drink coffee out of a teapot.

-Shuu has every medical condition under the sun. Anaemia, Addison's, a weakened immune system, arthritis in his knees and elbows, developing glaucoma. Any disorder you can name, he'll probably have it. This is because his family's genetics have been assfucked by YEARS of inbreeding, to try and selectively breed traits like Shuu's beautiful, ornate Kagune and fine, silky hair. However, the downside of this is that yeah, you get a beautiful little ghoul but he's bad at existing. He can't even stand up for too long or eat too much at a time without feeling sick.

-The equilibrium of Shuu's body is really delicate and easily disrupted, even by his own cocktail of medication, so he and others have to be extremely careful when dosing it out.

-His prey drive is usually pretty low, and he's able to go through life without being sent into a frenzy by squirrels or birds. However, sometimes, if he accidentally overdoses on some of his medication, his normally low prey drive will spike up. Unfortunately, Kanae had to learn this the hard way. This is why they can't have decorative fish tanks anymore.

-He's got what you'd call an addictive personality in the sense that he's overly compulsive with things. He's quick to get drunk (because of his thin blood) and often binge drinks. He's picky with food because most foods will hurt his sensitive stomach, so when he finds a food that doesn't a) cause him discomfort to eat and b) tastes good he will stop at nothing to chase it down, and will often go for weeks without food because he wants that specific thing.

-Shuu's Kagune sheds, kind of. His Kagune, like most Kagune with tough plating, is made up of the hard outer shell and the softer, mushier underside/inside. If a part of the plating gets too damaged (because Shuu's Kagune is somewhat brittle), it can be pried off, if it doesn't fall of naturally. When this happens, it leaves the fleshy underside completely exposed, so it's not very advantageous. Usually, this outer coating would take 2-3 weeks to grow back competely, depending on rc type and available food, but because of Shuu's weaknesses and low rc intake it can take a month, at minimum. If discarded, the plates will naturally degrade over time, just like human finger and toe nails. Unlike the flesh of the Kagune, the outer coating is not edible, although some ghouls, like those who make jewellery from Ukaku crystals, will repurpose this shell into decoration (think turtle shell décor).

-I think most people would agree that Shuu was born premature, he kind of just gives off those vibes (affectionately). But this mf was so ugly and undercooked that Mirumo used to joke that he was the Eraserhead baby. Little did Shuu know, his dad was going to play the absolute worst prank on him for the first 14 years of his life. Basically, Mirumo filled a photo album with pictures of the Eraserhead baby, was like "Shuu, this is what you looked like as a child". And Shuu believed it, all up until he watched Eraserhead in his teens and was met with the horrible realisation that his dad had pulled a fast one on him.

#these were fun!!#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul headcanon #tg #shuu tsukiyama #tsukiyama shuu #shuu tsukiyama headcanon

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seokstrivia · 3 years

Text

Neon Lights | dpr live

↬ Summary: You and Dabin work in a club, that’s it, that’s the fic

or, a cute moment between two friends

↬ Club!AU | word count: 2.4k

↬ DPR Live x Reader: friends to lovers au, slowish burn, it takes place in a club where the two of you work, confessions, one-shot, fluff, minor angst, it's just short and sweet

↬ A/N so this is my first khh fic on this account, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask, I hope this was enjoyable and you all welcome my love for khh to this blog, thank you <3

A long and tiring sigh parted your lips as you dragged your feet towards the cloakroom. Sure, getting paid meant that you could buy food and feed yourself, pay bills and stay warm through winter, but you were 100% certain that it did not mean never getting any time to rest.

You were putting your jacket away when you heard a small chuckle behind you, one that you knew all too well. A pout formed its way onto your lips while you turned around to face the one person you would do absolutely anything for.

Hong Dabin— your work best friend.

“Good to see you’re happy to be here!” His tone was chirpy, but as usual, laced with sarcasm.

It made you roll your eyes before straightening your shoulders and crossing your arms. Almost in a way to intimidate him or stare him down, but he only smiled in return and you sighed in defeat.

“Do you know how hard it was to stay awake during my last lecture today?” You moaned as you followed him to his spot at the bar. “Clarkson’s monotone voice seeps right through me, I don’t know if I can take it anymore.”

Dabin shook his head before laughing at the forlorn expression etched into your face. Sometimes he wished he could take a picture so he could keep it forever, but you would probably threaten him and force him to delete it.

He knew you well. Maybe, a little too well.

“You’re just being dramatic as usual,” he told you, earning a scoff in return. “I’ll treat you to a nice meal once we’re out of here.”

That was enough to lighten your mood and get you situated at the front door, minutes before opening, with a smile on your face.

The rest of the night was nothing more than a blur, your job was to sit at the register by the front doors making sure anyone who walked in paid before going any further into the club. But it got boring and quiet after a certain time and, to be honest, the only thing keeping you going was the thought of getting something to eat with Dabin.

Hence, as soon as you were done with work and as soon as the place was vacant, you frantically sped towards the cloakroom to find Dabin. He was already there, tugging his jacket over his shoulders before twisting around to face you with a sheepish smile.

That’s not good. You sighed.

“No food?”

He went to open his mouth to speak; probably to spout out a reason or two, but you'd beat him to it.

“It’s okay! There’s always a next time.”

The smile on your face didn’t falter, it wasn’t fake— it was genuine and that was something he loved about you.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” That was the last thing he said before hurrying out the door.

You watched his figure disappear with pursed lips, wondering what came up—did something happen within his family? Did his friend finally break up with his snotty girlfriend? Did his goldfish die—wait, he doesn’t have a goldfish?

A giggle parted your lips as you laughed at yourself while moving for your jacket and bag. It was finally time to go home after a long and somewhat exhausting week.

Your bed was calling your name.

"You know what we should do?" Your friend urged, face way too close to yours.

"Sleep forever?" You mumbled in question while moving your face away from hers.

She chuckled in return, full and hearty before playfully bumping your arm with hers, "no silly! We should go clubbing this weekend."

A grunt left your lips, you knew this was coming from the second you'd informed her of your first weekend ever off work.

"That's far from what I think we should do this weekend," you told her before moving your chair slightly away from hers.

Mina was always bursting your personal space bubble without fail.

However, you could never stay mad at her, she was your best friend since birth and had never left your side. She was also extremely supportive, albeit annoying.

"I think it'll be fun."

You turned to stare at Mina, there was a pout on her face as if it would help convince you to say yes.

Unfortunately, it did help.

"Okay, fine! We can go clubbing."

A shriek of happiness emitted from her lips in excitement, it had been a while since you two hung out on the weekend and truth be told, she missed being able to spend time outside of University with you.

But, so did you.

Okay, so maybe you wouldn't be able to sleep the whole weekend away, but at least you'll have a good time.

Plus Dabin would be tending the bar.

The rest of the week was spent talking about what to wear, what time to be ready by and what drinks to buy to get a little tipsy before going to the club.

Mina wouldn't stop talking about, 'the best weekend ever,' it was annoying sometimes, but you couldn't bring yourself to get mad at her since it had been a while since you got the weekend off.

You missed it.

"Is Dabin working tonight?" Mina asked while finishing her makeup.

You were ready half an hour ago, but you never really dressed up. Comfort was always the way to go.

"Yeah, he should be unless he calls in sick," you told her while sipping on your drink.

Mina's eyes met yours through the mirror, the smirk on her lips had you rolling your eyes as she bounced her eyebrows up and down in a teasing manner.

"Shut up," you snorted.

She shrugged her shoulders before returning to her makeup, "I didn't say anything."

A chuckle parted tour lips making her smile.

"You didn't have to."

Sometimes you thought you could read her mind, but in reality, you just knew each other that well.

***

The club was already bouncing with people, most of the crowd was already drunk but, that was a given with cheap drinks.

Mina stretched for your hand and proceeded to skillfully advance through the crowd to get to the bar. A smile made its way to her lips when she noticed who was working at the bar.

"Will you buy me a drink while I quickly go and pee?"

You rolled your eyes at her before telling her to be careful and quick.

When you turned to face the bar after watching Mina disappear towards the toilets, you were met with Dabin's big, cheesy grin.

"Hi! I'm surprised to see you here," he teased, moving closer so you could hear him better. "I thought you would be in bed sleeping."

You flicked his forehead with your finger causing him to grimace in pain, "Mina said she wanted to go out, so... very reluctantly, I said yes."

He chuckled in response, feeling sympathy and understanding that you would much rather be asleep than somewhere loud and crowded.

"Well, can I get you anything?"

You shook your head, 'no,' before glimpsing at the direction Mina was standing, "he's gonna keep her distracted for a while, so I think... I'll just hang around here."

"And keep me company?" Dabin replied as he glanced away from the two now making out. "I'm flattered."

A chuckle parted your lips as you made yourself comfortable on one of the many empty bar stools.

The majority of the night was spent talking to Dabin, catching up and talking about how Uni was going for the two of you.

It was nearing 1:30 am when Dabin finally asked you if you were ever going to get off your ass and enjoy your night.

"You think there’s a reason that I sit at the counter talking to you all night while you bartend... No, of course, there isn't- WHO’S THAT GIRL AND WHY IS SHE WINKING AT YOU?"

You were drunk.

Dabin rolled his eyes and shook his head, "that's my ex."

You gasped in return, this was your first time hearing this, "you have an ex? But you told me that you'd been single all your life."

"I told you I was single most of my life."

"What's the difference?"

Dabin shrugged his shoulders, annoyed that you thought he'd been single forever. Did you think he was ugly or something? Maybe you thought he would only ever make it as a friend.

A sigh parted his lips as he stepped away to serve others at the bar.

You stopped staring at his ex only to find Dabin was on the other side of the bar—with a frown etched on his face.

Was it something you said?

When he came back towards your end, he handed you bottled water before turning to leave again, however, you were quick to grab for his arm, a look of concern lazed across your features.

"I'm sorry if I upset you."

Dabin removed your hand from his arm, he glanced over at his ex before making eye contact with you, "it's not like you would understand. You're the one who's been single their whole life."

His words didn't hurt because they were true, and they didn't mean anything to you. You just hadn't found the right person yet, but it wasn't difficult to understand that Dabin was upset.

And that it was most likely your fault.

"Are you working tomorrow night?" Mina asked.

You nodded.

"Is Dabin working."

An exhalation parted your lips as you shook your head, 'no.'

"He's off this weekend," you told her.

Mina knew you were still beating yourself up over the whole ex ordeal with him, even if you couldn't pinpoint exactly what you had said that upset him.

This is why she spoke to Ian, Dabin's best friend, and asked him if they were going out clubbing Friday night. Let's just say she was over the moon when he said yes, and you were slightly freaking out when she told you.

"Wow," Mina exclaimed when she reached the bar. "So, you're bartending tonight!"

You chuckled at the excitement in her tone and nodded your head, "someone called in sick, so I'll be stuck here tonight."

"This is great!" She shouted before going off to find the friends she'd come out with.

It wasn't long before the bar was filled with people asking for drinks, it kept your mind busy and distracted from Dabin.

It kept you so distracted that you didn't even notice him sitting on the stool at the far end of the bar. The very seat you'd taken just last week.

It made you smile, but also made you feel nervous.

"Hi," you spoke softly, but loud enough for him to hear. "What can I get you?"

The scowl on his face caught you off guard, but the slur in his voice told you that he was very drunk.

"Do you think I'm ugly?"

You stared at him for a solid minute before pinching his cheek, even though he was drunk, he could still feel the pain.

"Of course I don't think you're ugly!" You argued. "What gave you that idea?"

He shrugged his shoulders with a pout on his lips and stroked his cheek, hoping the pain would quickly subside.

"You thought I'd been single my whole life."

"That's only because you'd never spoke about your ex before," you told him. "I don't think you've ever told me anything about your personal life, to be honest."

Dabin stared into your eyes with his red and tired ones.

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions," you added.

And then, he smiled.

"If you liked me more than a friend," he slurred in a serious tone. "I would have confessed my feelings by now."

His words caught you off guard but you couldn't ask him what he meant since he was gone and, well, you had a job to do.

However, his words lingered endlessly in your mind for the rest of the night. Was this his way of saying that he liked you? Dabin liked you this whole time and you didn't even know?

Your mind was reeling by the end of the night, Dabin filled your mind with endless thoughts. Wait, if he liked you, why didn't he ask you out on a date?

A sigh parted your lips as you wiped down the bar, watching groups of people huddle together as they were all ushered out of the club.

Mina hurried over to the bar before leaving, her footing was clumsy, but it made you laugh. You assumed she's forgotten the keys to the flat and that's why she was rushing over, however, you were in fact, wrong.

"Did you speak to Dabin?"

You frowned in confusion, "I did, but he was drunk so it wasn't for long."

She nodded her head in response before leaving and waving goodbye.

You rolled your eyes, watching her stumble towards the male she'd met last week. A potential boyfriend she had told you, which didn't surprise you.

It didn't take you long to finish cleaning, but you were exhausted and couldn't wait for your bed. It was nearing 3:30 am when you left the club, the area was empty and quiet as you walked towards your car.

Dabin, who you thought had gone home hours ago, was leaning against the car door. Staring at the night sky, admiring the stars, something in your stomach churned, and you felt your heart begin to beat faster the closer you got.

"Hey," you smiled, keys in hand as you unlocked the car. "You need a ride home?"

His eyes finally met yours, he appeared to have sobered up as a smile rose across his lips, "if you don't mind," he chuckled. "Honestly, I just wanted to apologise."

"For what?"

"For being an idiot," he said. "Selfish, mostly. I got upset that maybe you'd never see me as anything more than a friend."

You punched his arm causing him to wince in pain, "you're an idiot, Dabin."

He shrugged his shoulders while rubbing the pain away.

"If you'd just told me how you felt or I dont know? Asked me out on a date," you argued. "You would have found out that I feel the same."

"You like me?" He asked carefully, eyes searching yours for answers—for anything.

"Yeah, I do."

A wide smile adorned his lips before his arms found your waist and lured you in for a hug, you giggled in return while coiling your arms around his neck.

"Will you go on a date with me?" He asked as he drew back to look at you.

You rolled your eyes, "took you long enough."

#khh imagines #khh scenarios #khh #khiphop #khiphop scenarios #khiphop imagines #dpr live scenarios #dpr live imagines #dpr live #hong dabin #dream perfect regime #dpr #dpr scenarios #dpr imagines #christian yu #dpr ian

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sapphire374 · 3 years

Text

Soy Sol: Chapter 11 (The Cut that Burrows Deep)

Wattpad Link

Ch.1 / Ch.2 / Ch.3 / Ch.4 / Ch.5 / Ch.6 / Ch.7 / Ch.8 / Ch.9 / Ch. 10 / Ch.12 / Ch.13 / Ch.14 / Ch.15 / Ch.16 / Ch.17

Ámbar feels like every step she takes, the more she can feel her heartbeat. It’s like she’s carrying it in her arms with nothing to guard it, out in the open alone. She opens the cold rusted handle of the entrance to the restaurant. There she is, her biological mom trembling while drinking a glass of water. Ámbar sums up all the courage inside her and takes the chance to approach her. When she grabs the seat in front of her, Sylvania can’t help but stare in shock. “Wow Ámbar, you truly have grown.” Ámbar may have brought all her walls down for the people she loves, but she puts them back up with this stranger.

“You can’t say that since you were never there for me. That’s no fair,” Ámbar chided. Sylvania chokes up and avoids eye contact. “Look Ámbar, I now know after everything that has happened the big mistake I made, but at the time it felt like the best option for you. I was young and didn’t have the means nor felt ready to take care of a child. I thought Sharon would’ve been a better parental figure instead of a young girl like myself. I later on regretted it and that’s something I shall have to carry with me for the rest of my life.”

Ámbar grips onto her purse trying very hard to hold back all her tears. She wonders why did this lady chose Sharon specifically and why did Sharon try to keep it a secret for so long? “I understand you were young, but I know that’s not the whole story because I have memories being in a different house that was NOT Benson Mansion. You saw me, you knew me, and didn’t like me enough to keep me,” Ámbar rebuked. Sylvania is showing tears now, she’s choking up with every word as her hand trembles just to take a sip of water. “It wasn’t like that at all Ámbar. I tried, I really did try to see if I was capable of taking care of a child. I noticed my arms weren’t so comforting for you. Sometimes when you love someone, so much, you have to let them go because you care,” Sylvania responded. Ámbar doesn’t know whether to believe what she’s saying or not. She wishes she can get out of these tornadoes of lies that always come chasing her. She’s sick of it all. She wants the truth. Is that too much to ask for?

Silence crowds the room, they’re breathing the same air but can’t even look at each other. Sylvania speaks up again. “I know this feels hard to believe but why do you think I came back? It was for that reason, I thought Sharon would be a better parent than me and would take great care of you. I realized I was sadly wrong.”

“Sharon? Of all people? What made you think that a woman who put a place on fire because she was jealous of her own sister would be a perfect parent for a child? Do you know she never showed me affection or love? I had to learn it all on my own. She only showed any signs of care when she needed me part of her plan that only benefitted her. You left me to a person who only cares about themselves,” Ámbar fumed.

“It wasn’t like that at all. I had no idea about her being the cause of the Benson fire and she had already adopted you before that even happened. When I met her, she was a kind woman, I was friends with Lili from work, so I had already knew the family. I assumed that Sharon had a good heart just like Lili, even though she was seemingly different. The whole time I would interact with her, she was always nice and seemed to really want a child because she always felt alone. It all just felt fitting.” Ámbar is trying to put together all the puzzle pieces in her head with Sylvania’s story. Part of her doesn’t believe it but…. It does kind of make sense. For her it justifies nothing even though she has hope.

Before she gets up from her seat, she leaves a wad of cash. “Ámbar where are you going? We haven’t even ordered yet?” Sylvania asks. “I’m not feeling hungry anymore, here’s some money for dinner.” Ámbar heads out the door with no remnants behind other than the tears that fall to the floor.

Jam and Roller

“Eyyy amigo I’m so happy for the release of your new music video!” Gastón exclaims to Matteo. They’re both drinking smoothies while watching the Youtube countdown from Matteo’s phone. These are the special moments Matteo loves to share with Gastón since he’s always been his pal for the longest. He also loves sharing it with Luna too, but they sadly haven’t hit it off as well for a while. Matteo is hoping Gastón’s plan will work for the upcoming days.

Simón heads to their tables with a fresh batch of popcorn. “Wow, how exciting! It’s even more special since you get to enjoy it here at the Jam and Roller with us!” Simón states. Matteo grins but it slowly fades when he sees Luna walk into the cafeteria and completely ignoring him. “What happened?” Simón asks when he sees Matteo’s vivid expression abruptly change. “No nothing, I just wish I got to share this moment with another person too.” When Simón turns his head and sees who Matteo is staring at, he realizes what Matteo meant.

Nina pulls out her purse and hands her phone to Luna. “I know you’re trying to pretend you don’t care but you do. Watch the video, it’ll get rid of all your curiosities.” Luna shakes her head in disapproval. “Nina, the least I want to do is watch a music video of the one I love flirting with a girl who has a huge crush on him as well. They’re practically soulmates, meant for each other,” Luna exaggerates. “Oh c’mon, I know it’s complicated, but you know that’s not true. If you’re not going to do it for him, then do it for yourself. You deserve to see why he arrived late to your date.” Luna glares at Nina and decides to take the phone.

Once the music video is out, everyone begins to cheer for Matteo. Luna sits even more depressed seeing at the ‘amazing’ chemistry Matteo and Viviana had in the music video. She can’t help but doubt herself even more when all the comments from his fans say they ship him with Viviana. “Nina, I’m not feeling so good. I think I’ll just head home.” Nina nods and Luna begins to get up from her chair and head out. Matteo notices and follows her out.

“Luna! Luna, wait up! I need to tell you something,” Matteo yells out. “Matteo not now, I’m not in the mood. Congratulations of your video, it was very nice. I just don’t feel so good okay.” Matteo catches up to her and stands in front. “Look Luna, I don’t know if you’ll listen to me now but please go to tomorrow’s concert I’m having. My manager is having me make a concert to promote the single, but it wouldn’t be the same without you. Please Luna. You never miss any of my concerts,” Matteo begs. Luna gradually smiles. “Really? You still want me there?”

“Of course, I do Luna.” Luna now can’t help but blush. “Matteo, of course I’ll go. Even though I’m still a little upset at you calling me jealous, standing me up on our date, and not believing or listening to me, I still care. Since you want me there, I’ll be there.” Matteo is surprised by Luna’s comment and begins to graciously smile too. It was a moment for them, they hadn’t had one like this in a long time. It felt needed.

Nico is in the rink sitting on one of the chairs, he seems to be working on something since he has his notebook open with his pen. Jim enters and sees him alone. “Hey there, what are you working on?” Jim asks. “Oh just a few verses, I’m trying to get ahead on the Roller Band song for the competition, but nothing seems to come into mind,” Nico says. Jim heads to the seat beside him. She sits down and carefully glances over his blank page. “Oh yeah you do seem to be having some trouble,” Jim chuckles. “If you’d like I can help, I’m use to writing songs with Yam.” Nico turns and faces Jim, “Yes of course. I need all the help I can get; it’s been a while for me since I got to write a song with the Roller Band.” They both laugh together and get working on the song.

Jazmín dashes to Delfi holding a small slip of paper. “You won’t believe what just happened?” Delfi carefully places her books into her locker after seeing Jazmín rush to her. “Is it something new for the Fundom or for your blog, Ja Jazmin?” Delfi predicts. “Nope, you’re very far off. Look at this,” Jazmín hands Delfi the note. The more she reads it, the more her eyes grow like a flower blooming in the season, keeps opening. She’s in plain shock as Jazmín nods from her amusement. “Right! I have a secret admirer!! I have to post about this on my blog!” Jazmín frantically grabs her phone from her pocket but right when she’s about to film, Delfi stops her. “No Jazmín, this is something special. Honestly, I think this is something you should keep for yourself, every celebrity likes to keep their personal life separate from their work life,” Delfi advises. Jazmín thinks for a second and says, “Nahhh I’ll still post it, plus this can even help us discover who the anonymous writer is!”

The Restaurant

Yam is wearing her golden shimmery dress that Jim helped her pick out. She’s very anxious about her date with Ramiro, she wants it to go out perfect since this was something she had been dreaming of for a while. He puts down the menu and slips his hand under hers to her surprise. He gives her a shy smile. “I had been dreaming of this for a while. Before, I would always try to move on, but I just couldn’t. My mind just couldn’t forget about you,” Ramiro admits. Yam begins to tear up. “I felt the same way for so long but never said anything worried you didn’t feel the same way. I’m so happy about this moment. I don’t care how long I had to wait, it was totally worth it.”

Throughout the whole night, Yam and Ramiro shared college stories and even old memories of each other. How Yam never stopped writing songs about him and how Ramiro would skate imagining about her. Everything went smooth till dessert came. A random man with a suit and tie approached their table and faces Yam. “You look familiar, are you Yamila Sanchez from that Ja Jazmin blog?” Yam stays startled and stutters, “uhhh yes why?” The man quickly pulls a card out of his pocket. “Hillside Records, I’m the owner. I would like to set up a meeting with you for a chance at a record deal.” Yam immediately glares at Ramiro for a response. He shows his approval and gestures for Yam to respond. “Yes I would love to!” Yam exclaims. “Great! I’m available tomorrow at 5 pm. There is one important detail I have to tell you,” the man says. “Yes, what is it,” Yam asks. “The record company is not in Buenos Aires. It’s in California.” He proceeds to hand her the card. “Think about it, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leaves and Yam shows her disappointment to Ramiro, she couldn’t believe how such an exciting offer can turn to something so depressing. If she took this offer, that means she would have to leave her family, her friends, and her chance at being with Ramiro.

“Look I know this is hard to think about but just follow your heart. If this is something you truly want go for it, I can wait longer,” Ramiro grabs her hand and holds it. “I don’t know what to say. I never knew me pursuing a music career would mean I have to leave everything and everyone I love,” Yam gradually lets her tears fall onto her glittery dress.

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slashingdisneypasta · 3 years

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Inkubus x Vampire!Fem!Reader || Oneshot

Title: Always There

Notes:

I think outta all Englund's characters on this blog, I like writing for Inkubus the most. Which is criminal seeing as I write for him the least. I need to change that haha.

Plot: You meet up with a very old friend of yours and you spend some time catching up. And he's so clearly in love with you, its unbelievable and torturous to him that no matter what he does, you don't notice.

Warnings: A very unreliable narrator (In terms of particular other peoples clear feelings for her), BLOOD, DRINKING BLOOD, DRAINING SOMEONE OF BLOOD (But in a sort of polite way? Hah), MENTIONS OF AN ABUSIVE EX PARTNER, vampires and incubus'.

The smell of iron and petrichor fills your nostrils, disgusting and refreshing and also, just... relieving... in equal measure filling you up as you kneel by the victim - the man you'd chosen, - for tonight; A needle and tube attached to a blood bag between your fingers and digging into the poor mans neck.

You hate doing this, knowing this guy will be weak and sick feeling for the next day - maybe two depending on how much you take from him, - without understanding why. But, its for sure better then the alternative- which is just digging in right here and now with your teeth. That's messy, and the marks you leave behind aren't easy to explain away as 'animal attacks' anymore.

You need the blood, but you aren't a savage, jeez. You always catch any new vampire movies or shows together with your daughter and watch those actors with blood all over their chins, and think... How old are these vamps supposed to be?? 300 hundred years old!?

And they don't know how to eat without getting it all over their face?

Pfft! Rolling your eyes, you gently shake your head at the memories of bloody Edward Cullen and Lestat and Damon Salvetore swimming around in your head as watch the man's breathing. To be fair, you love them all - Twilight, Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Diaries, Nosferatu, Vampires Vs the Bronx, etc, - but that's just because its more fiction then truth- and that's coming from an honest to goodness bloodsucker.

Finally deciding you've taken enough without truly hurting the man, you put pressure on his neck and pull out the needle, carefully wipe away any mess with a cotton ball from your bag and put a band aid on him.

"Now," You talk firmly, softly, as you look into his eyes - which are dull, almost sleeping. A nice touch to the docile state you put your victims, in so they can at least not feel any pain or fear while you're collecting your feed, - , hands on his shoulders. "You're not going to remember this, or me. You're going to get a taxi home," You tuck some money in his shirt pocket, a thank you for his service; Its the least you could do. "Then get into bed and have a wonderful sleep with lots of lovely dreams. Thank you so much."

After you watch the man get up, still in a bit of daze but shaking it off - and not even noticing your presence, crouched down by where he's standing, - and leave the alleyway, you carefully pack away the blood bag and the tube and needle (In a separate plastic bag, for you to clean and sanitise when you get home) in your satchel and finally get back up, wrapping the strap over your head and resting it on your shoulder.

Brushing a hand through your hair, you turn to leave the alleyway and go home- when a familiar voice speaks up from the very back of the alley- and immediately your hopes rise.

"You look even more beautiful every time I see you."

You smile, peering into the darkness. "Oh, that's very sweet... but you and I both know I look like trash. I haven't eaten for a week!" When he just chuckles back, you tilt your head and waive him over. "Come out here so I can see you!; When did you get into town?"

Gracefully - more so then even you can manage, being a goddamn vampire, - Inkubus slips out of the darkness and you're happy to see he looks well. Its been forever since you say him last - 40 years? 70? - and you always have it in the back of your head for some reason that next time you see your friend, it'll be the last time. So its always lovely when he turns up and looks just as healthy as he always does.

"Oh I just got here; Thought I would come see you immediately. Otherwise you might nag at me." This time you chuckle, rolling your eyes. His eyes flicker to your satchel. "Collecting our dinner our we?"

"Yep! Smells like A Negative, my favourite. When was the last time you ate?"

"Ohh, a couple weeks ago. I'm due for my next fill soon, though... any suggestions?"

"No," Scrunch up your nose, you put a lot of emphasis on your response; See, you don't subscribe to the notion that monsters like the two of you have to act all blasé and cocky about the terrible things they must do. Apart from these night time trips to find breathers to bleed, you live a... mostly... normal life! So no- you definitely don't know anyone he can make his next victim.

And Inkubus knows this, which is why he laughs and you roll your eyes again at him, fixing the satchel on your shoulder. "So- " Again his eyes flicker to your bag, this time with meaning. A cheeky grin flits across his lips. "Want to get a drink?"

Smiling, you turn on your heel, you loop your arm through his and lead the way. "So have you been?"

___TIME SKIP___

4 hours later and the two of you are still stewing at a 24-Hour-Diner you frequent - seeing as you don't really sleep that much, - and are onto your 9th drinks at this point. You two may not see each other too often since the 1400's and went your separate ways in the world, but you never go longer then a hundred years - preferably 80 maximum, - without seeing each other and when you do- you have a lot to say. Filling each other in on what you've missed in each others lives is always a... disorientating experience, at times, but you must do it. You couldn't survive in a world where you didn't know what was happening in your best friends life. That would just be too lonely.

See, Inkubus is the only one you know - still, to this day, - who knew you when you were human, aside from the man referred to very nearly exclusively as 'Dick for brains' - being your daughters father, - and while having human friends who can make you feel normal again, is wonderful... so is feeling normal, in what you actually are currently. And that's not human. That's thousands and thousands of years old and a mystery to scientists. And, seeing as he's a literal demon... that's a very easy service for him to provide.

A waitress walks by to pick up you empty glasses and looks oddly at your personal tumbler. You clearly weren't meant to notice, but you do of course, and unassumingly shrug. "Bloody Mary... don't tell." You give her a conspiratorial wink, and she chuckles, walking off.

When you look back to Inkubus, he looks ready to make a joke so you give him a timid shrug. "Well, there is vodka and Tobasco sauce in it!... " He smirks, but lets it go- seeing as your words were funny enough.

"And how is Bethany? Has she seen her father lately...?" Your eyebrows arch, hearing Inkubus ask about him; Dick for Brains, Beth's father and the bane of your long, long existence. Obviously, seeing as the bastard impregnated you with his literal spawn of hell causing you to die during childbirth at age 26 so he could then turn you into a vampire, made you raise your daughter alone- and then returned 20 years later just to turn Beth into a vampire as well and claim that you can all be a 'proper family now'... you aren't a huge fan of the guy. And talking about him you don't do often, as it causes a horrible clenching feeling in your stomach and heart. Luckily, Inkubus is one of the few people who is allowed to make you feel that way. Him, and Beth.

You sigh, taking a slow sip of your drink through the matching metal straw and metal tumbler set Beth got your last mothers day (So as to hide the fact that its blood inside), you wonder what to say... "Beth's great, as always... she's fallen in love with a human, though. That can only end brilliantly." Shaking your head, you look to Inkubus to see his reaction and catch him rolling his eyes, smirking. Yep. "Um, and... yes. There has been contact with Dick for Brains... He recently, like... 20 years ago? turned up at her place in Egypt, and wouldn't leave till I had to fly down there and shoo him away." You grit your teeth. There is so much wrong with that man- you do honestly with you had never met him sometimes. That's horrible, you know, as if you hadn't met him you wouldn't have had Beth and she's the light of your life, but... at times like that instance? When he troubles her?

Its hard to not wish his existence away.

"Do you want me to speak with him?... Again... ?" Your gaze returns to Inkubus again, feeling at ease the moment your minds back in the diner with him and not in your head with Dick for Brains; Eyes softening. The idea is tempting, unbelievably tempting... And it would keep your friend around awhile longer. "That always seems to win you a couple hundred years of reprieve."

Taking a deep, needless breath - an anxious habit, - you set down your tumbler and shake your head. "No, that's okay... thank you for the offer, though. He seems to be giving up, slowly, finally. But damn, its taken him long enough to get the hint, huh?"

"Far too long." Inkubus' voice is bitter and dark, talking about your ex- and his eyes are reading much different. You know if you let him, he would kill Derek... but you cant do that. If anyone's going to kill him, it would be you or Beth, and neither of you are there yet. Inkubus takes a deep breath, relaxing again like a chameleon changing its colours. "Anyway, love; Onto prettier business. How did that thing go, that you had with that Djinn half a century ago. You seemed quite optimistic about that one."

A fluttering of laughter immediately comes out of you and Inkubus' truly cheers up at the sight of it, and you just look at him and shake your head; An awkward toothless smile on your lips. Ha! No.

His brows arch, laughter in his eyes. "Didn't end well?"

"That ended up being the shortest affair I've ever had and that's saying something." Brushing hair back from your face, you chew on your bottom lip. "You'd think after nearly 10 centuries, I'd learn... Oh- wait- make that 10 and nearly a half, centuries... Boy, am I clueless."

"Clueless about what, love?" You're just breathing in to respond, when a cheeky look crosses Inkubus' familiar face. "I mean, you are quiet clueless- about plenty of things. But specifically, this time."

You scrunch up your nose at him in response, grinning, before once again chewing on your bottom lip. "... I'm just not the woman that gets proposed to." You shrug, as if its no big deal; Even though your heart bleeds saying it out loud for the first time, to someone that matters and not just your ex-therapist, Julie. Setting your drink on the table in front of you, you idlily twist it. "Obsessed over and stalked, yes." You grin, a tinge of sadness to it. "Fucked, yes. Dated even, yes. But married?... Ha, no... "

His eyebrows climb up his forehead even more, before he softly smiles and pats your hand. "I asked you to marry me, all those years ago, sweetheart. Remember?" He reminds you gently, and you cant help giving a soft smile back at your well-meaning friend.

"Oh, yes of course I do. That was very sweet, but... I mean for love, you know? Not because I'm pregnant and alone."

Inkubus sighs, slightly frustrated, and leans back in his seat. "Mhmmm... " Rubbing a finger under his nose, he quickly clears his throat. Then he reaches his hand further up your arm to lay it on your forearm, running his thumb comfortingly across your skin. "Love, I'm sure that you'll find someone. Perhaps multiple someone's. Or, maybe, you don't need to find anyone new."

A little smile twitches at your lips as you pick up his hands and hold it on the table in both of yours. "... Maybe." For a split millisecond, your friend smiles. Sighing wistfully, you shrug. "Maybe I can learn to be happy alone. I mean, I like my life. I like my daughter, I like my job, I like my patterns... Maybe I don't need a man." Immediately his smile disappears and he rolls his eyes.

"You definitely don't need a man." He sighs, frowning. "But one can be good for a few things, no?"

"Hey." You set him with a stern look. "I thought we were making me feel better, about not having one?"

"Oh, you're right. I rescind my comment."

"You better." A cheeky grin crosses your face.

He looks back at it, the cheeky grin of yours, and the smile returns to his face.

The sun is warming up when you're on your way home, Inkubus beside you with his arms folded carefully behind his his back and your hands stuffed in your leather jacket pockets; One arm linked affectionately through his. You're an odd sight, you're sure, to any early morning commuters. You, and your barely-out-of-college looking self walking so close - and so domestically. A fact that is lost on you but not on the smug demon walking beside you, - to a man that currently looks to be in his 60's-70's age-wise.

Not that either of you care.

"Well, this is my place! Whatdaya think?" You ask, letting him go in order to unlock the door or the townhouse apartment and push open the door. He walks on in past you, looking around and you watch a soft smile grace his handsome features. "You like it?"

"Much better then the hole in the wall you thought was a good idea to show me in Transylvania- took everything in me not to sweep you away somewhere safer... with fewer mould spores... " He turns to look at you over his shoulder, a mischievous smirk on his mouth as you scrunch up your nose at him, before smiling.

"Well then, Mr Judgmental... I guess you don't want to know, that I chose this wallpaper cuz of you."

That definitely catches his attention, more then anything else you've said. He turns around in a full 360, assessing the wallpaper before looking curiously at you. "You... you chose this wallpaper because of... me? How so?"

You shrug, still leaning back against the open front door- sunlight filtering through the doorway. "The colour is very you. Its got 'Inkubus' vibes. You know," Raising your brows at him, you smirk. "Eccentric, full of itself." At that cheeky remark, he says 'Ha ha', sarcastically. "And, I guess, I missed you. Sooo... yeah... wallpaper."

"Hm... " Looking really far too pleased about this, looking a lot more engrossed by the home then before- but mostly the wallpaper. "This place is looking better, suddenly... "

"Like I said- Full of itself." You roll your eyes, laughing. Then you push off the door, push it closed with your foot and then go to pass by Inkubus to hit the livingroom. "Oh! The book! The one we were talking about at the diner- I'll find it for you! Come on- "

"Y/N." A hand curls gently around your arm, at the perfect moment so that you don't get yanked back with the force of your travelling and instead you just coat to a careful halt at Inkubus' side.

Blinking up at him curiously, wondering what he needed you for so suddenly, you tilt your head to the side. "Yes?"

For a good moment, he just looks at you whilst you become worried. What is happening? Every second that passes by, more and more ridiculous ideas cross your mind.

Finally, the man tilts his head slightly in sincerity.

"Sweetheart, are you ever going to see how ridiculously in love with you I am?"

And... for all of the disastrous and ridiculous possibilities that came to mind when he was saying nothing, you had a response. To this, you just stand their dumbly, your shoulders dropping and just looking at him in total shock. "... wel- uh- um... a few more hundred years?" You feel like a ton of bricks has just been dropped on top of you. "Maybe?" You squeak. You actually squeak.

And of course, you squeaked. You'd be surprised if you had managed to keep your composure after a confession like that. Here's this beautiful man, who against all foreseeable odds understands you, and cares about your kid, and whom you love... and somehow he's telling you that he loves you? That, for some reason, he wants you?

Is there something wrong with him?

There must be. Something terribly, horrible, irreversibly offensive that you aren't already aware of.

But you rack your brain and theirs nothing. Nothing, at all, that you can figure that would make you turn away from him right now.

He smiles a little bit at your awkward reaction, and lets go of your wrist in favour of tucking some hair back behind your ear. "Do you quite mind if I kiss you now?"

Your breath hitches, it actually hitches, like a tiny shy anime girl who's giant crush just got down on his knees in front of her for whatever reason, and you have to fight to pull yourself together; Rolling your shoulders back, hands on your hips. Totally, and translucently fake confident. "Um- you know? I don't?"

God, you are a centuries old vampire; Your vernacular should be yards better then this.

And then kisses you.

Oh god- And then he kisses you.

Because you're suddenly struck hard in the face with a million words and phrases, from current to boomer-speak to old fashioned to forgotten, to describe it but mostly you're just wondering why in the world you hadn't been doing this the whole damn time. Your hands find the sides of his coat in order to steady yourself, and pull him closer as you carefully tilt your head into the kiss. It comes so naturally, the kissing does. Between you and him. Its like, despite the bounds of your relationship never having reached this level before, you know exactly how to kiss each other. There's no awkwardness or searching. You just fit.

When finally, you slowly end the kiss, you fail to open your eyes for a good moment, before cracking them open slightly, half lidded and flickering up to his eyes.

And you take a deep, unnecessary breath and step away, torturously out of Inkubus' personal space. "... holy shit." You have so many questions... None of which touch on how exactly you're feeling because you get that much, at least.

But you cant help but wonder why- and for how long this has been brewing and how long exactly that you missed it- and how the hell this is going to work-

He follows you, thank god, a roguish yet soft look on his face. "Maybe we should take this to the livingroom, love. I promise, I can explain everything to you."

#Inkubus x Reader Oneshot #Inkubus x Reader #Fem Reader #Fem!Reader #Vampire Reader #Vampire!Reader #Inkubus x Vampire!Fem!Reader #Inkubus #Horror Villains #Horror Villains x Reader

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