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angry-slytherin · 3 years ago

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We Really Like Fluff

a totally incomplete guide to dousy fan fictions that are a must:

according to me, anyway

no idea where to start? looking for a fic you read a year ago? I’ve got you.

help me find the tumblrs of those not tagged (if they have one)!

all we do is drive. (romantashas) @romantashas

Daisy has missed the open road. She used to always love taking her van out and just driving. Los Angeles was where she liked to stick around, but she would always go on these road trips just because she wanted to explore somewhere new.

She's always liked running away from things.

It was different, having someone with her.

In which Daisy Johnson helps Daniel Sousa explore the modern world by taking him on a cross-country road trip in a van. Post-Finale road trip AU with MCU tie-ins.

the first beloved fic by this fandom. completed in august 2020, it strays from canon somewhat at S7E11, but the characterization makes you forget that anything is different at all. truly a masterpiece, and definitely a must-read.

6/17/55 (lazyfish)

6/17/55.

She never thought it would mean 1955.

(Spoilers up to 7.06.)

one shot. soulmate au. beautifully written. it’s only just under 2k words but one of the most popular fan fictions under the tag on ao3. absolutely adorable and you’ll feel your heart flutter for them.

One Year Later (marvelsquake) @marvelsquake

Set right after the series finale's 'one year later' part where Daisy stares into space with Sousa and Kora.

Inspired by the 'anatomy analysis' bit Jemma says to Daisy.

there are so many amazing ��anatomy analysis” fics out there. that is one of those “if you know, you know” things;) this one is really thoroughly written, and marvelsquake took their time to make every detail perfect. really, just excellent.

Stay (SteeleHoltingOn) @steeleholtingon

Not everyone knew she could feel heartbeats. Sousa’s sped up every time he looked her way.

His reaction wasn’t particularly unusual, and Daisy was an expert at fending off unwanted advances. But that was just it: Sousa hadn’t actually made any advances, and if he did, Daisy wasn’t sure she’d ward them off.

Her heartbeat, it seemed, liked to match tempo with his.

this one needs little introduction. it has been recced(??) to death, and rightfully so!!! the author is this incredible genius and I love them for giving this to us. it’s over 150k words, so be ready to commit some much deserved time to this excellent character study on both Daisy and Daniel.

Feel Good(I Like It) (enigmaforum)

It's not the the first time she’s felt something for someone since Lincoln but it’s the first time she felt like it had the possibility to actually turn into something. Something Good.

I’ve always loved the title of this fic, but that’s besides the point. enigmaforum is a very talented writer who does plot AND characterization like a pro. definitely an A+ in terms of quality. also part of a series with some other excellent works!

Exposure (agentquakingskye) @blcssqvake on instagram

Dying in a half-second blast of radiation wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be.

Dying all over again, slowly, because of that half-second of radiation?

That was worse.

okay I lied. we also love angst and this work is angst central. it’s a cancer AU following the finale, but it’s just as happy as it as sad. prepare your tissues, but also prepare for some seriously good writing.

A Week After Death (manoutoftimeandquake) @puddle-of-awesomeness

An explosion in an alien junkyard sends Daisy, Sousa and Kora back in time to meet some people from Sousa's past.

the astro ambassadors sent back in time to meet the AC cast(essentially). such a fun, action-packed, hilarious work. such a classic. go read it now!!

Where I Need To Be (JennaPotter)

This is set from Episode 7x03 onwards and follows the story of Daisy Johnson and Daniel Sousa, and how their relationship has been developing throughout this amazing season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.! This story mostly follows canon but is interspersed with missing moments between Daisy and Sousa that I imagine could have happened off-screen.

almost 200k words of absolute beauty. it’s incredibly detailed and excellently written. it’s like reading a published novel!! but with dousy!!

you’ve got that power(over me) (romantashas) @romantashas

"It's you," Daniel whispers. He's in awe, looking at Quake. She steps back away from him. "Let me help you," he says, reaching out toward her injured arm slowly.

Daniel only gets a moment more to admire her glowing eyes and her purple hair before she turns and runs away, her hand slipping out of his.

In which the superheroes of the Marvelverse actually try to keep their identities a secret and Daniel Sousa is determined to figure out who is behind the mysterious Quake mask. Superhero AU with MCU tie-ins.

yet another classic(I’m definitely misusing that word… it’s deserved by these authors) work by romantashas. the description gives the gist of it, but it’s one of the best dousy AUs out there.

get ready for the shameless self promo…

Your Heartbeat On The Highline(Once In Twenty Lifetimes) (doctorsimmonswilson) @angry-slytherin

He’s a man out of time and she’s an orphaned superhero. They’ve just got to figure out what to do next, after the mission is over.

[aka Daisy and Daniel’s story post finale]

welp… I included my own story. honestly it’s because it is one of the most popular in the tag(I’m sifting through too kudos and top hits). I’m really super proud of it, so read it if you’d like. it’s canon compliant (and extremely fluffy for the most part:)

somebody hurt you(but you’re here by my side) (agentmmayy) @agentmmayy

Daniel doesn't leave Daisy's side, even when she's out of the healing chamber.

very popular, and for good reason. such a sweet, nice fic. I very much enjoyed it and it’s a quicker read than most on this list!

and here’s to the question marks

aka: unfinished works that are beautiful and deserve your attention

want you(to unravel me) (IzzieBee)

Daisy never wanted to be rescued, by anyone. She never wanted to owe someone that debt, but especially not to a handsome WWII Vet, traveling through time. Daniel, who was brave and decent, and kind of funny, and who she could easily depend on, which was way too dangerous to consider.

Daisy really wasn't ready for Daniel Sousa.

sexy, fun, well-written… what more could we ask for? it’s missing the last chapter, but the brunt of the story is there, and it’s satisfying either way.

A Truth Stranger Than Fiction (wordsmithraven)

Daniel Sousa was having the worst day of his life...and he’d lived through a war. Service had always been something he’d understood. Honor. Sacrifice. Duty. He’d just never thought his journey would mean leaving everything he loved behind.

a lot of daisy and daniel getting to know one another… a little bit of season 7 adventure… a whole bunch of fun.

Loving The Journey Together (manoutoftimeandquake) @puddle-of-awesomeness

Moments in the lives of Daisy and Sousa (and Kora) after the end of the team's final mission.

this one is a WIP(being updated currently). manoutoftimeandquake has some amazing snippets/slices of life waiting for you in that work!

it’s in the subtext (eggsaladstain)

Snippets of the relationship between Daisy Johnson and Daniel Sousa through the words they said and the ones they didn’t.

SO. FREAKING. GOOD. just go read it, okay?

and finally, some links to some authors who’ve written a bunch of amazing stuff.

romantashas

manoutoftimeandquake

enigmaforum

@hecckyeah

lazyfish

hereforthephilindafics

dearemma

seriously, there’s so many more amazing fics in this tag. I didn’t have the energy to include all 800+. these are just some that are most popular and/or deserve your attention.

thank you for taking the time to read through all of this! I hope you’ve found some things to bookmark(or binge-read;)

#dousy #agents of shield #the dousy fic rec post #daisy johnson #daniel sousa #aos fandom

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lesbianraskolnikov · 3 years ago

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👉👈 Can I tell you about Fallen Rose

Uhrm I wanna re-promo Fallen Rose here since its been a while and now it is Complete, so

Back in 2018 I began a story called Fallen Rose which I finally completed by December 2020. It is primarily original, but it does borrow the concept of stands from jjba, but they also get explained within the story anyways near the beginning, so it’s something that holds up on its own. There’s a lot of exploration of love and the complexities of humans in a way, aside from the fighting that occurs.

It follows a young musician(Hiroshi Saei) who sets off to find his missing father(Aladdin Saei), a stage actor, in Italy. He quickly learns he is in the hands of another stage actor (Mr.Carsmile), slowly unraveling the truths behind his father's absence and Mr. Carsmile’s true self behind the facade he shown to the public. You can read it’s summary everywhere I’ve uploaded it, but this is a shorter version ;-;

It’s 50 chapters and I hope to tweak it up in the future, and obviously this is very much so a passion project and something very dear to me now (Almost all of my art is focused on the series and its characters). If you like jojo, it COULD be for you on the basis of the stand fights alone, but I personally feel like I have a bigger focus on love and healing, so if you like that stuff, hi! This is a bit of an informal promo, but if anyone's interested in giving it a try its up on a lot of places.

Wattpad

AO3 (i don’t really support the people behind the platform, but I’m not sure of many story sharing sites)

I’m also trying to import it to Toyhou.se , but only 2 chapters are up so far (I’m very busy lately, but I really wanna try to upload more every Friday, I plan to tweak the chapters to make the style up to date. Writing skills from 16 to 18 have obviously changed so some earlier chapters i haven’t touched up yet kind of need it)

It’s technically up on quotev and the jojo amino, but quotev’s version is out of date since i can't rearrange chapters. blegh this is a bit of a silly post but if anyone was ever interested in the story behind a lot of my art pieces its a whole completed story if you’d like to check it out \o_O

Feel free to ask any questions about it if you have any :]

#floyd.txt #fallen rose #wehwajrnfe i never talk about my personal work here anymore so i feel sillay but not #my ocs

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shelovescontrol91 · 3 years ago

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Between a starring role in Cinderella, live performances, and a forthcoming album, it would appear things are business as usual for Camila Cabello. But there’s a difference: Before the pandemic her work was leaving her drained, anxious, and insecure. Now she’s found a way to be a pop star on her own terms, and everything—from the music to her relationship with her body—has fallen into place.

By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.

But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.

Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”

Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.

By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.

“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”

Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”

Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”

One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.

“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”

Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.

Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”

Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”

A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.

“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”

Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.

That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”

It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”

It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.

“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”

By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

#camila cabello #shawn mendes #shawmila

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marlborodean · 4 years ago

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annotation for my "destiel but it's just one direction playlist," mainly for my sister who hasn't seen supernatural but you guys can read it too if you want :^)

DIANA // 4x01, "Lazarus Rising"

this episode introduces Cas :) Castiel speaks Enochian but when he was trying to speak to Dean he was instead causing radio static and shattering windows :) he gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition :) he knew all of Dean’s soul just from touching him :) he left his handprint burned into Dean’s skin :)

Notable Lyrics:

how could someone not miss you at all?

i never would mistreat you, no, i’m not a criminal. i speak a different language but I still hear your call

let me be the one to light a fire inside those eyes. you’ve been lonely, you don’t even know me, but I can feel you crying. let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life. i don’t think you even realize, baby, you’d be saving mine

it’s only been four months but you’ve fallen down so far

i wanna reach out for you, i wanna break these walls

we all need something. if i could hold you, swear i’d never put you down

KISS YOU // 4x07, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester"

the only reason i have for this is the pure tension between Dean and Cas in this ep, which includes Dean staring at Cas's mouth and licking his lips :)

Notable Lyrics:

i just wanna take you anywhere that you like, we could go out any day, any night. i’ll take you there

tell me how to turn your love on. you can get anything that you want

if you want me to, let’s make a move

HEY ANGEL // 4x10, "Heaven and Hell"

in this ep, there is a female angel who is. i mean she’s just there to mirror what Cas will become. she is a fallen angel who rebelled because she fell in love with humanity :) and Cas talks to her, tells her that “for the time, i feel…” later in the show there’s another angel that says Cas’s “true weakness is involved. he’s in love! with humanity" :) also in this ep, the female angel and Dean have sex. clearly if Cas was a woman they would’ve been in a relationship long ago :)

Notable Lyrics:

hey angel, do you look at us and laugh when we hold onto the past? hey angel, tell me, do you ever try to come to the other side?

i wish i could be more like you. do you wish you could be more like me?

i see you at the bar, at the edge of my bed, backseat of my car, in the back of my head

BETTER THAN WORDS // 4x22, "Lucifer Rising"

in this ep, Dean is kept in a beautiful white room (which they call the green room #theatrekidvibes), and everyone understands the tension between Dean and Cas to be needlessly horny :) Cas defies heaven's orders to help Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

more than a feeling, crazy in love. every time we touch, i’m all shook up. best i ever had, hips don’t lie, you make me wanna—

how deep is your love? god only knows

i don’t know how else to sum it up, there’s no way i can explain your love

everyone tries to see what it feels like, but they’ll never be right

YOU & I // 4x22, "Lucifer Rising"

Castiel literally invented free will. the prophet Chuck couldn’t predict Castiel’s actions :) he said “you guys aren’t in this story!” and Cas replied “we’re making it up as we go” :)

Notable Lyrics:

we can make it ’til the end, nothing can come between you and i. not even the gods above can separate the two of us, nothing can come between you and i. we could make it if we try

EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU // 5x03, "Free to Be You and Me"

in this ep, Castiel thinks he is going to die the next day so Dean takes him out for a fun night :) and Dean says it’s the first time he’s laughed that hard in a long time :)

Notable Lyrics:

you know i’ve always got your back, so let me be the one you come running to. just call my name, i’ll be coming through. on the other side of the world, it don’t matter, i’ll be there in two

there’s something about your laugh that makes me want to have to. there’s nothing funny so we laugh at nothing.

every minute’s like the last so let’s just take it real slow. forget about the clock that’s ticking

you have always been the only one i wanted

i wanted you to know without you i can’t face it

WHY DON'T WE GO THERE // 5x03, "Free to Be You and Me"

same ep, but this is placed here because Dean said to Cas, “there are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.” you connect those dots :)

Notable Lyrics:

think about all the places we could go if you five in tonight. just let me set you free

we’ve got all night, and we’re going nowhere. why don’t you stay? why don’t we go there? let’s take a ride out in the cold air, i know the way, why don’t you go there with me?

ONCE IN A LIFETIME // 5x04, "The End"

in this ep, an angel zaps Dean to five years into the future where he meets his future self and future Cas. there was HEAVY subtext that they were together :) at the end of the ep, after he sees his future self die and ultimately destroy the entire world, he is zapped back to present time (where it is safe) and Castiel is there waiting for him at the side of the road in the middle of the night :)

Notable Lyrics:

once in a lifetime, you were mine

when i close my eyes, all the stars align and you are by my side. once in a lifetime, it’s just right. we are always safe, not even the bad guys in the dark night could take it all away

DRAG ME DOWN // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

this fits anywhere between 4x01 and this ep, which is when. when Dean finds out that Cas had betrayed him and was working alongside the king of hell behind his back :) so as long as this is placed before That Scene, it's fine :)

Notable Lyrics:

i’ve got a fire for a heart, i’m not scared of the dark, you’ve never seen it look so easy. i’ve got a river for a soul, and baby, you’re a boat. baby you’re my only reason

if i didn’t have you, there would be nothing left. the shell of a man that could never be his best. if i didn’t have you, i’d never see the sun

you taught me how to be someone

all my life you stood by me, when no one else was ever behind me. with your love, nobody can drag me down

WOLVES // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

the war with angels is oncoming, so Cas is trying (trying) to do lots of damage control with that, which means killing angels and demons alike that are after the Winchesters. there's a great scene here :) idk it fits here somehow my brain is too big to be confined by the English language

Notable Lyrics:

in the middle of the night when the wolves come out, they head straight for your heart like a bullet in the dark. one by one, i take them down

i keep on holding tight now, ‘cause your body’s telling me don’t let go

just getting my demons out, wouldn’t ever doubt. your beauty could start a war as you walk in the dining room

i wish it wasn’t true, but the whole world’s trying to get a piece of you, and my heart keeps fighting in this battle of fools

INFINITY // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

since Cas is trying to prevent the war, much like Aziraphale, he is deemed a failed and fallen angel! :) but then Dean finds out Cas has been working with the king of hell behind his back! :) Cas says "It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?" and Dean replies "I was there. Where were you?" :)

Notable Lyrics:

down to earth, keep on falling when i know it hurts

now i’m one step closer to being two steps from you, when everybody wants you

i was there for you. all i ever wanted was the truth. how many nights have you wished someone would stay?

FOOL'S GOLD // 7x02, "Hello, Cruel World"

i see this as Cas POV as he decides to sacrifice himself and let the Leviathans destroy him, before he leaves Dean ahahaha! i see it in this point in time because Cas loves Dean but assumes Dean doesn't feel the same, but! as we see, Dean keeps Cas's coat (because he loves him)

Notable Lyrics:

i know in my heart, you’re not a constant star. i let you use me from the day that we first met, but I’m not done yet, falling for you. i knew that you turned it on for everyone you’ve met, but i don’t regret falling for you

i know your love’s not real, but that’s not the way it feels. that’s not the way you feel

HALF A HEART // 7x02-7x21

literally every time Cas dies, Dean becomes inconsolable and loses all will to live and succumbs to raging alcoholism :) in season 7, when Cas dies, Dean keeps his jacket. for months. :) also applies to 13x01-13x05

Notable Lyrics:

so your friends [have] been telling me, you’ve been sleeping with my sweater, and that you can’t stop missing me. bet my friends [have] been telling you, i’m not doing much better

i’m missing half of me, and being here without you is like i’m waking up to only half a blue sky. kind of there, but not quite. i’m walking 'round with just one shoe. i’m half a heart without you. i’m half a man at best, with half an arrow in my chest. i miss everything we do. i’m half a heart without you

forget all we said that night, it doesn’t even matter

though i try to get you out of my head, the truth is i got lost without you

GIRL ALMIGHTY // 8x17, "Goodbye Stranger"

very closely tied to the imagery of the episode rather than the story. the bright light as Cas overpowers his brainwashing, Dean kneeling in front of Cas. not to self-promo but watch my Religion AMV to see what i mean!! it's visceral stuff :)

Notable Lyrics:

her light is as loud as many ambulances as it takes to save a savior

am i the only believer? there’s something happening here. i hope you feel what i’m feeling too

i get down on my knees for you

STRONG // 8x17, "Goodbye Stranger"

Castiel has been brainwashed into betraying Dean again, to the point where he was forced to participate in hundreds of simulations where he has to kill Dean :) so when the time comes where he’s told to kill Dean, he suddenly can’t do it :) know why? because Dean tells him “Cas, it’s me. We need you. I need you.” :)

Notable Lyrics:

my hands, your hands, tied up like two ships. my heart, your heart, sit tight like bookends. pages between us written with no end. so many words we’re not saying. don’t wanna wait til it’s gone

i’m sorry if i say ‘i need you’

when i’m not with you, i’m weaker. is that so wrong? is it so wrong that you make me strong?

WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO // 9x03, "I'm No Angel"

Cas loses his grace so now he is human. for some reason i don’t remember, Dean tells him he can’t stay at his place anymore. now Cas is homeless! :) and so Dean regrets it and goes to look for him :) also side note but there is some fan headcanons or theories that Cas had to resort to sex work to make money :/

Notable Lyrics:

counted all my mistakes and there’s only one standing out from the list of the things i’ve done. all the rest of my crimes don’t come close to the look on your face when i let you go.

the taste of your lips on the tip of my tongue is at the top of the list of the things i want

love was something you’ve never heard enough

now i’m searching every lonely place, every corner calling out your name, trying to find you, but i just don’t know. where do broken hearts go?

are you sleeping by yourself? or are you giving it to someone else?

tell me where you go when you feel afraid. tell me, will you ever love me again?

I WANT TO WRITE YOU A SONG // 11x03, "The Bad Seed"

no thoughts only the scene of Dean wrapping a blanket around Cas :)

Notable Lyrics:

i want to write you a song, one that’s beautiful as you are sweet, with just a hint of pain for the feeling that i get when you are gone

i want to lend you my coat, one that’s as soft as your cheek, so when the world is cold, you’ll have a hiding place you can go

everything i need i get from you, giving back is all i wanna do

MOMENTS // 11x23, "Alpha and Omega"

this song is like...every time Dean or Cas is about to sacrifice himself/DIE and they get emotional about it. this is an Exemplary episode that fits well with this song because a) they had time to make this plan, which means they would have time to say goodbyes and be ~intimate~ abt it, and b) the hug towards the end when Cas casually says "I could go with you," offering to DIE alongside Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

shut the door, turn the light off. i wanna be with you, i wanna feel your love. i wanna lay beside you. i cannot hide this, even though i try.

trembling hands touch skin, it makes this harder. and the tears stream down my face

if we could only have this life for one more day. if we could only turn back time

i’ll be your life, your voice, your reason to be. my love/my heart is breathing for this moment in time. i’ll find the words to say before you leave me today.

don’t wanna be without you

there’s a pile of my clothes at the end of your bed as i feel myself fall, make a joke of it all

NO CONTROL // 12x23, "All Along the Watchtower"

this could honestly go anywhere, but i’m placing it in here in the chronology because it’s Cas charging blindly and headfirst into battle with literal Lucifer to protect Dean :) good moment contextually because before Cas ran away to help this woman give birth, he had a pretty cozy domestic life with Dean :) it's important to note that this does get him killed, which does lead to another grieving wife phase for Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

beside you i’m a loaded gun. i can’t contain this anymore. i’m all yours, i’ve got no control. powerless, and i don’t care it’s obvious. i just can’t get enough of you. the pedal’s down, my eyes are closed

i don’t want to wash away the night before, and the heat where you laid, i could stay right here and burn in it all day

THROUGH THE DARK // 14x14, "Ouroboros"

this is not about the gay gorgon, folks, it's about the Ma'lak Box. Dean is crushed by the responsibility of having to lock himself in a LITERAL box to prevent Michael (the archangel inside his mind) from taking over

Notable Lyrics:

you tell me that you’re hurt and you’re in pain, and i can see your head is held in shame, but i just wanna see you smile again

i’ll be here for you. i will carry you over fire and water for your love. i will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough

i wish that i could take you to the stars. i’d never let you fall and break your heart

you tell me that you hurt, it’s all in vain, but i can see your heart can love again, and i remember you laughing so let’s just laugh again

CHANGE MY MIND // 15x03, "The Rupture"

Dean is being a pissy lil bitch because their child died and Castiel can’t deal with it so he leaves :) there’s a lot of stress in their relationship because they both have horrible communication issues. it boils down to Dean thinking like “i want people to just want to stay instead of leaving. i shouldn’t have to ask for that.” and Cas thinking like “i want people to tell me they want me around. i need that verbalized reassurance.” this is canon :)

Notable Lyrics:

the end of the night, we should say goodbye, but we carry on while everyone’s gone

never felt like this before, are we friends or are we more? as i’m walking towards the door, i’m not sure

if you say you want me to say, i’ll change my mind. ‘cause i don’t wanna know i’m walking away if you’ll be mine. i won’t go

IF I COULD FLY // 15x09, "The Trap"

Dean and Cas have to go to Purgatory to retrieve an Ingredient~ they get separated and the portal is about to close and Dean gets desperate so he gets on his knees and prays to Cas :) closure of 15x03 breakup scene, because Dean says “I should’ve stopped you. You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong.” :) Dean cries more than one tear, one of his most vulnerable moments in the show (rivaled only by the scene where he tells his mom he hates her). this scene is viewed by many, including jackles, as Dean's love confession especially because he evidently wanted to say something more to Cas's face but Cas cut him off :)

Notable Lyrics:

if i could fly, i’d be coming right back home to you. i think i might give up everything, just ask me to

i hope that you listen, cause i let my guard down. right now i’m completely defenseless

for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart. i’m missing half of me when we’re apart. now you know me

WALKING IN THE WIND // 15x18, "Despair" and 15x19, "Inherit the Earth"

“Despair” is the episode where Castiel confesses his love too Dean. Dean says “Why does this sound like a goodbye?” and Cas replies “Because it is.” :) reminiscent of the way their son Jack (who is a mirror to Cas) tells Sam and Dean “I'll be in every drop of falling rain, every speck of dust that the wind blows, and in the sand, in the rocks, and the sea.” :)

Notable Lyrics:

if you’re lost, just look for me. you’ll find me in the region of the summer stars

the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won

goodbyes are bittersweet, but it’s not the end. i’ll see your face again and you will find me

yesterday i went out to celebrate the birthday of a friend, but as we raised our glasses to make a toast I realized you were missing.

SOMETHING GREAT // 15x18, "Despair"-15x20, "Carry On"

Cas pov for 18 and Dean pov for 20 :) Cas saying "the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have." :) and then Dean missing and wanting Cas back after he died, saying to God, "Cas. You gotta bring him back," yet again falling back into bad alcoholism and depression and suicidal ideation :)

Notable Lyrics:

i want you here with me like how i pictured it, so i don’t have to keep imagining

the script was written…i want to rip it all to shreds and start again. one day i’ll come into your world and get it right

you’re all i want, so much it’s hurting

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY // Post-Canon mwah!

This is what it would have been like for Dean in the version of Supernatural that totally definitely does exist, in which Jack brought Cas back to life and Dean and Cas were reunited and Dean tells Cas he loves him too and then they live a domestic and safe life and Dean is still shocked every morning that he wakes up next to the love of his life :)

Notable Lyrics:

i can’t believe that you are here and lying next to me

like all those days and weeks and months i tried to steal a kiss, and all those sleepless nights and daydreams where i pictured this

somehow you kicked all my walls in, so say you’ll always keep me

should i put coffee and granola on a tray in bed, and wake you up with all the words that i still haven’t said? and tender touches just to show yo how i feel, or should i act so cool like it was no big deal?

#i think my sister is probably asleep right now so i'll update yall on her response later #i'm insane i'm so sorry #ej.pdf #spn #for lisa!

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tessandscottforever18 · 3 years ago

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Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

#camila cabello #interview: glamour #glamour #glamour magazine

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finishinglinepress · 3 years ago

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FLP POETRY BOOK OF THE DAY: My Body Is Not an Apology by Megha Sood

TO ORDER GO TO: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/my-body-is-not-an-apology-by-megha-sood/

Please share/please repost [PROMO]

RESERVE YOUR COPY TODAY

Megha Sood is a Pushcart-nominated Poet, Editor, and Blogger based in New Jersey, USA. She is a Poetry Editor at MookyChick(UK), Life and Legends (USA), and Literary Partner in the project “Life in Quarantine” with Stanford University, USA. Works widely featured in journals, Poetry Society of New York, Kissing Dynamite, and many more. Author of Chapbook ( “My Body is Not an Apology”, FinishingLine press, 2021) and Full Length (“My Body Lives Like a Threat”, FlowerSongPress,2021).Recipient of Poet Fellowship 2021, Martha’s Vineyard Institute of Creative Writing, National Level Winner Spring Mahogany Lit Prize 2020, and Three-Time State-level winner of NJ Poetry Contest.Blogs at https://meghasworldsite.wordpress.com/.Tweets at @meghasood16

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR My Body Is Not an Apology by Megha Sood

My Body is Not An Apology is a testimony of female rebellion and a journey of self-discovery in a most wanted and unwanted way. The poems roar to voice the pain of silent torture, cruelty, and agony of a woman’s heart to reclaim her dignity not only as a female but also as an individual. This book is a fierce approach to life in poetry, and the poet dissects the ironies of women’s existence with razor-sharp language, intellect, and courage like Simone de Beauvoir. In the poet’s own words, it is a triumphant proclamation and an unfettered declaration.

–Kalpna Singh-Chitnis (Poet, Writer, and Filmmaker)

Sometimes with acerbic irony, sometimes with wise comeuppance, but never with hopeless resignation no matter how bleak the refracted rays of reality, Megha’s stanzas find their way through the blind alleys of patriarchy and misogyny looking it unblinking in the eye. The vulnerability of her perception is also her strength, as each stanza duals with difficult truths using the female body and the form of poetry as weapons of grit and gumption. This little book is a fist of fury and unveiling.

–Rochelle Potkar, Author of Paper Asylum & Bombay Hangovers

These poems recognize the body as the ‘eye of the storm’ in the turbulent churning of our age. The guttural cry of the feminine forges these poems with a primal rawness cast in images as varied as radishes, pickles, broken book spines, and armchairs. Megha Sood joins her unapologetic voice with urgency to erase any error of ambiguity, ‘You don’t own shit’. These poems will ‘sit like a welt’ on the tongue of the world.

–Usha Akella, Poet & Founder, Matwaala, South Asian Diaspora Poetry Festival

A unique feminist exploration through the written word, investigating the body and the world society overlays atop women, Megha Sood does justice uncovering, discovering, and discarding herself to find an inexorably beautiful woman within. Sood’s My Body Is Not an Apology chisels away at the construct our society imposes on women, revealing an exemplar poet of the highest caliber.

–Joshua Corwin, author of Becoming Vulnerable

Megha Sood’s “My Body is Not an Apology” is a powerful debut with poetry that contains multitudes. These poems are fierce and unapologetic as they explore the toxic culture around gender-based discrimination and reproductive rights. Sood crafts with cutting precision as we read about personal experience and the influence of these issues in the wider world. Far from a desperate cry of the disenfranchised, these poems raise a fist and demand to be heard from a position of strength. Woven in and around every poem is the question that asks: what would life be like if we could change this? This book is a clarion call to eradicating gender-based injustice. It is also a book full of hope and empowerment.

–Juliette van der Molen, Poet, Writer,Feminist

My Body is Not an Apology by Megha Sood is a woman’s journey through gender-based discrimination. It is a cry and a plea as Sood questions, “How can you live a life like a broken spine of a book?” In her poems, we see a parallel to Sylvia Plath, and her words bring alive the voices of the Bronte Sisters, Emily Dickinson, and Phyllis Wheatley. At the same time, we see similarities to Sarojini Naidu’s rage and certitude when Sood says, “But I never give up …as I learned from the footsteps of warriors.” Sood’s My Body is Not An Apology is a whimper, a roar, an awakening in the feminist world.

–Meenakshi Mohan, Ed.D., Professor, writer, painter, critic

Megha Sood’s poems show a vulnerability that is welded to resilience in remarkably ingenious ways because poetry occupies the interstice between the felt and the unspoken.

Don’t let the aroma leave the pickle jar

Keep the lid tight

my granny used to say–

Some things are better left unspoken. (Even My Grief Should Be Productive)

Here’s the wisdom of an entire civilization. Sometimes it comes pickled in a jar. Call it Indian or South Asian, or what you will. It teaches you how to hold one’s own, anywhere.

–Lakshmi Kannan, Poet, Novelist, Short story writer, and Translator.

Megha Sood’s chapbook, My Body Is Not An Apology is exactly what the title says. The human body is not an apology for anyone. It’s not meant to make us feel ashamed simply for being born as we are, for existing, for belonging to any race, religion, gender, age, or any diversity markers that exist in our world. Our body is also not space where anyone can reside with abuse, disdain, or evil. Our body is a temple where our soul lives protected and safe. Megha through her deeply sensitive and poignant poems urges readers to ponder, deliberate, and act upon ensuring that our body is not an apology. Megha’s poems are fierce and tender at the same time. They are like raging storms or quiet whispers; both compel us to listen, look and consider. Megha delves into a plethora of issues that plague the human mind and in consequence the body. She questions and pulls the reader back again and again to her poems leaving behind a memory of heightened awareness. Very few writers can do as such. This collection of twenty-five poems will surely leave a mark upon your heart. Among the contemporary diaspora writers, Megha Sood is one to definitely read!

–Anita Nahal, poet, professor, flash fictionist & children’s writer. Find her works at: https://anitanahal.wixsite.com/anitanahal

“I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman.”—Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

The gripping, riveting poems of Megha Sood’s chapbook ‘My Body Is Not An Apology’ carries the inherent legacy of the truths that our exemplary literary predecessors Virginia Woolf, Maya Angelou, Sylvia Plath, Nikki Giovani, Alice Walker, Kamala Das, and others, embodying unabashed feminism, upheld in their poetic creations.

When the poet utters her angst and her rhetoric reflects a discourse, built around the quintessential strength of a woman, these lines are born from her pen: “My body is not an apology/ it’s a roar: a declaration/ an unapologetic/ unabashed/ straight truth in your face/ a war cry:/ a deafening scream from the silence.” These lines hit the nail at just the right place, confronting the age-old power dynamics of a patriarchal social structure. As a strong woman of color, as a sensitive poet, her verses in the collection are like smoking cinders of the thinking feminine voice, empowering and liberating the feminine psyche. In the growth of her poetic voice, she has successfully absorbed the little nuances of her Indian roots and her grandmother’s legacy of truth (reflected in the poem ‘Even My Grief Should Be Productive), at the same time, having the deep insight of a woman acknowledging that her ‘body goes from a shade darker than yesterday’, as she gives birth to her ‘own revolution’. In the collection, the body and being of the poet as a woman reaches its zenith of celebration as she categorically unfolds the themes of the feminine identity, body politics, repression of womanhood, and also, the rampant rhetorics of violence ingrained in our postmodern society. Her voice is both subtle and empowering, essential and redeeming, hence the chapbook will indeed be an asset in the ever-evolving arena of feminist writing and art.

–Lopa Banerjee, Critically acclaimed author, poet, translator, editor from Texas, USA

#flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetry

#poetry #preorder #flp authors #chapbook #flp #poets on tumblr #american poets #leah maines #women poets #chapbooks

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hazzabeeforlou · 5 years ago

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Falling - an alternate reading

I’ve talked a lot about the gender fluidity/discovery laced throughout Fine Line (see masterpost) but while Amanda @always-aqua and I were chatting the other day, right after the Falling mv’s release, we had a new revelation.

As I’ve stated before about the song, it’s a ballade, a seemingly typical angst fest; however, @cuethetommo @metal-eye and @twopoppies planted the seed in my head that maybe it spoke to the despair of depression. Amanda took this read one step farther: what if Falling represents Harry’s at times painful journey to accept the different facets of himself?

I think there’s some merit to this reading. Let’s consider. Imagine Falling as a discussion between Harry and himself, à la Gollum/Smeagol style (bear with me).

Harry opens saying, “I’m in my bed and you’re not here.” He sings a mirror lyric in She: “She sleeps in his bed.” As I’ve written before, I believe that the she and he of She are BOTH Harry. Perhaps these same roles are present in Falling.

“There’s no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands.” This line never felt like a literal cheating-on-a-lover admission to me, even before I considered this interpretation, but now it makes so much more sense. One often drinks to bury feelings and realizations--things that haunt you. I think Harry is implying he’s done just that, and by invoking “wandering hands” he’s saying he feels as if he’s cheated on an aspect of himself.

Harry’s in conflict against admitting a duality throughout the song. He struggles to accept both halves of himself simultaneously--and I think many visual clues back this up. His nails are chipping away, half painted. The piano is halved--no lid. Half a glass of whiskey sits on the piano. Harry himself is clothed in half a dress and half pants, and even the dress itself is halved. There is a lack of wholeness. Harry plays the piano’s opening notes with only one hand.

“Forget what I said, it’s not what I meant.” Drunk ramblings, implying that perhaps he’s not good at admitting truths to himself. He doesn’t really mean what he’s declared. “I can’t unpack the baggage you left.” Seen as Harry’s own baggage of gender identity/possibly dysphoria, this line takes on a whole new meaning.

“What am I now?” Viewed not as a plea to be defined by the presence of a lover, but as a quarry of Harry’s basic identity, this strikes to the heart. What if he can’t stand himself? “What if I’m someone you won’t talk about?” Does discussing aspects of himself leave him embarrassed, ashamed? Does it make him feel less real?

The piano bench acts as a “fainting couch” on which Harry lays fringed in ruffled lingerie, invoking every classical ‘portrait of a lady’ ever.

The video shows Harry through a typically ‘male gaze’ objectification, but also frames him engaging directly with the viewer, confronting us eye to eye, an invitation to not just observe his sorrow, but be made uncomfortable by it. The very video is a duality.

“You said you cared, and you missed me too.” This lack of consolidation has stoked a sad fear inside Harry. Doesn’t he miss his ‘old’ self? Doesn’t he care about how he used to be? Is there room for this old self to exist if he gives in to She? Harry’s still viewing this as an all or nothing situation.

“And I’m well aware I write too many songs about you.” Only Angel. She. Kiwi. Fine Line (Holly’s @metal-eye theory on this one is heartbreaking).

“It kills me that I know we’ve run out of things we can say.” The CAN sticks out to me. It implies permission, restriction, words, cues, hints that are allowed him, or that he allows himself.

Water imagery has been Harry’s go-to since HS1; the explicit references to water/drowning as a means of rebirth appear in SOTT, LU, HS1′s album art and promo, and now again here. Falling is a continuation of the story if you will, or rather a fulfilling of may prophetic glimpses. Finally Harry is fully immersed, finally the piano is spilling forth. The drip drip drip of Harry’s hinting, of flirting with the struggle throughout his musical career, has been fully unleashed, a force always having been inside the piano, inside of him. By removing his finger from the proverbial dyke, Harry deals with his bottled up feelings at last. “What am I now.” A distorted face stares at us from just beneath the surface.

Instead of rising in the buoyancy of the water, Harry falls. How do you fall while weightless? He seems unwilling to surface yet, willfully prolonging his rebirth, perhaps scared of change.

“I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again.”

Gina just made a lovely post about the parallels between Harris Reed and Harry’s views on masculinity, about how norms must be reclaimed/relearned in light of new contexts. i think this bridge is Harry asking if embracing She will mean leaving too much of himself behind--will this half of me ever be needed again?

What am I now?

His survival, his rebirth, are assured from the onset. The water drains away and he’s panting against a wall, one leg extended, the other bent. He understands a little better now. He’s both. No more turning his back to us, lying facedown in the water, letting just his toes skim the surface. He closes his eyes as the piano obligato keeps falling.

#mine #it's a bit of a deep dive but the mv inspired us #falling #harry styles #falling masterpost #falling music video

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thesearetheirstcries · 7 months ago

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“Every story deserves to be told” A multimuse of many fandoms (Bridgerton, Kdramas, Power Rangers, OUAT, Bones, This is us, Teen Wolf, Girl Meets World, PLL, HP, HSM, Gossip Girl, Law and Order SVU, ACOTAR, AND MANY MORE ) | Written by Lizzie | Sideblog to drsncw | EST. DECEMBER 2016 |

#the truth behind every story (self promo)#multimuse rp #multimuse #rp blog

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malexfan10 · 5 years ago

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Malex, Roswell, Miluca and theories for the rest of this season

Last night's episode....

Alex & Gregory? That hug? The emotions? The fact that Alex has a brother in his corner? So amazing ❤😭

The scene Alex had with Forrest was cute and I really like the dynamic between them. I hope he doesn't end up being a bad guy because I enjoy what little I've seen of his character and would like to see him more ❤

The Malex scene? My heart! Where do I start? It's been a long, long time coming for him to say what he said, to defend himself, to point things out to Michael. Mentioning Michael's hand? The "God forbid I have faith in people who don't give me a good reason to!" The way Michael wiped his eye when Alex left? Just YES to the entire exchange! Finally! ❤

As for Miluca, what else can we say at this point? It's being shoved in our faces, down our throats and I hate every bit of it. The chemistry is getting worse and their dynamic is the only one I can't get behind on the show. I understood Michael needing space after S1 but Alex has been trying to show that he isn't walking away & that Michael matters to him all year. Then 2x06 happened and all the extra needless Miluca love scenes. I loathe this pairing sooo much.

Alex getting kidnapped is what so many of us in this fandom have been hoping for. The promo seems amazing and I can't wait to see Michael freaking out and showing that he really cares. It's about damn time! Hopefully it makes Michael wake up and open his eyes. Hopefully he'll admit that their cosmic love is still present, that he's his truest self when he's with Alex. I really, really need a dramatic declaration from Michael now. Alex has done his share of speeches. It's time for Michael to step up and do the same.

I see the season ending in one of 5 ways:

1) Michael admits the truth and ends whatever relationship he has with Maria and he and Alex finally reunite for good. Preferably after Alex pours his heart out through song and it makes Michael do the same. Cue all the kisses! ❤

2) Michael admits the truth and ends whatever relationship he has with Maria. He goes to Alex, heart open, full of declarations but Alex chooses himself in the end. Kind of like what Michael did last year. Malex end on a sad note but Michael vows not to give up. Cue season 3 (I'm OK with this scenario)

3) After the rescue, Alex loses his memory. He doesn't remember anyone, including Michael. Heartbroken but more sure than ever, Michael ends things with Maria and tries to show Alex why they fell in love in the first place until his memories returns. Cue season 3 and all those first dates they deserved. (I don't mind this scenario either because Miluca will be over. Also, Michael showing Alex how much he loves him and Malex falling in love all over again? It's like fanfiction heaven lol)

4) After they rescue Alex, nothing changes. Michael goes back to Maria (🤢🤢🤢) and Alex moves on with Forrest if they keep Forrest as a good guy. (I hate the first part of this scenario and will think long and hard about continuing with season 3 if the Miluca crap fest continues next year. At the very least, I need Alex happy. I can't see him sad and alone again! I just can't!!!)

5) if Carina truly hates us, Maria ends up pregnant 😭 Please, universe, please no! Even though Carina said a long time ago that she doesn't like pregnancy storylines like this, can we trust her words at this point?? I shudder at the thought of this scenario.

👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽

I can't really think of any other way this plays out at the end of the season. I enjoy Forlex a lot but my heart belongs to Malex. My fingers are crossed that this cosmic, epic, written in the stars love story ends on a happy note this year!

🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

#malex #roswell nm #roswell new mexico #roswell alex and michael #alex manes #michael guerin #I really don't like miluca at all

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jalebi-weds-bluetooth · 5 years ago

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IPKKND & Angst - Top 9 Scenes

Angst: A feelings of anxiety and frustration that isn’t specific.

In the serial verse, this is exactly why “kyun dard hai itna, tere ishq main?” (why does it hurt to be in love with you?)

Words fall short to praise the writers, actors, production team for the moment they were able to express anguish and sentiments through the facade of denial and ignorance.

“Angst is not the human condition, it’s the purgatory between what we have and what we want but can’t get.” ― Miguel Syjuco, Ilustrado

1. The first promo. Nafrat paas aane na de, mohabbat door jaane na de. This is angst, personified. 2. She tells she’s leaving for Lucknow, forever. He hears she’s leaving him, forever. (S1, E45) 3. He tells her it’s his engagement, and whether it happens or not, how does it matter to her? She tells that it doesn’t matter, with tears stinging her eyes. (S4, E10) 4. When he compels her to marry him. And she agrees. (S6, E4 - S6, E8) 5. When he passionately dances with his wife. The woman he supposedly hates. (S6, E33) 6. "Khushi, please stop crying. Khushi I... I love you.” (S7, E27) 7. “That I love you damnit!” (S8 , E30)

8. “No, Arnav ji will come. I have faith in him. Today is our wedding.” (S9, E30 - S10, E2) 9. “Arnav and Khushi will always stay together.” (S10, E30)

Read more for in-depth thoughts.

“Nafrat paas aane na de, mohabbat door jaane na de.”

“Hate prevents us from growing closer, love forbids us from growing apart.”

This promo had me hook, line and sinker. It was refreshing to watch a rich romance drama, sans any fanciness, that delved deep into symbolism and almost added a sense of forbidden in their love story. In the first image the power play - the financial and status difference is highlighted (brilliant framing) because Khushi literally looks up to Arnav, him unaware of her. And you’re sure that this might be an innocent love, a hidden attraction that is not returned.

Yet, once Arnav leaves the elevator (and is aware that no one is looking at him), he turns to catch a glimpse of her. So he was aware, very much so, of her gaze. And boy oh boy, the feelings aren’t just returned - they’re intensified! And it’s this continuous push and pull that sets the course of IPKKND. She is wary of his approach, but does not believe his arrogance is all to him. He rebuffs her, but is always pained by her despair.

She wishes to love him, despite his apparent flaws. He wishes to hate her, despite her apparent perfection.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate that the shadows of rain fall on her, putting the torn photograph together. She treasures it and holds it against her heart, her eyes wide, afraid and lost.

While he is in the middle of nowhere, drenched in rain, holding a photograph in his hands. Unable to look more, he crumples the photograph, his eyes tightly shut as if he’s crushing something that’s causing him immense pain.

*chef’s kiss to this promo*

What does a person want apart from two rich characters in a rich storyline with rich layering? You are not just invested in the day the confess their love to each other, rather the journey that takes them there.

*dreamy sigh*

"Nafrat hai na aapko humse? Humari aukaad se? Humari shakal nahi dekhna chahte hai na aap? Toh khushi ho jaiye, hum aapki nazron se hamesha ke liye door jaa rahe hai. Lucknow jaa rahe hai hum, hamesha ke liye.” (S1, E45)

“So you hate me? My status? You don’t want to see my face, right? Then rejoice! I’m going to be out of your sight, forever. I’m leaving for Lucknow, forever.”

This sounds like a woman wobbling on the edge of feelings for a man. And it awfully sounds like a breakup (which is funny because the story hasn’t even started, or technically it did when their eyes met?)

One of the most interesting thing about this exchange is the way Khushi words her departure. She never says “I hate you,” or “I am leaving with my family to go back home,” or “my stay in Delhi has come to an end.” It’s almost like as if she lived in Delhi all along as was leaving to a new city because of him.

Her departure is attached to his hatred. To her, her status, her face - three things that has hurt Khushi the most. She literally says that she’s going away from his sight, forever.

It’s no wonder Arnav hears something else, that she’s not going home, she’s leaving him. In most waysIPKKND has been heavily biased to Arnav’s point of view - so when she declares the bg score quickly shifts to a soft, instrumental Rabba Ve.

The impact? His world stops for a second and he literally just says one thing, trying to get a hold of her, “Khushi, you can’t leave like this. Khushi!”

This conversation haunts Arnav till no end. He spends every moment henceforth playing everything wrong that he did with her.

This episode is my favorite because their inner struggles are so visible.

When Lavanya asks Arnav if he loves her the way she is, Arnav looks at Khushi’s desk and says “Yes, I like you the way you are.”

This is the first time Arnav and Khushi develop their sixth sense towards the other - something that manifests deeply over the months to come. Khushi tells herself not to look at Arnav but she does, and is unable to look away. Her feet gives away at his voice, her logic abandons her (talk about pushing a door outward when it opens inward).

When Shyam, over the phone, tells her how much he thinks about her she’s immediately alarmed until he covers his words. With Arnav she’s not afraid of the physical intensity but of his anger, definitely his anger.

It’s the first time Arnav sees how much he affects her, negatively as well.

And their romantic, delicate moments is a scene stealer. Her self respect does not allow him to take his extended hand. His awareness of her pulls him to return her dupatta to him, a gesture that means so much. When they’re both quiet, something else happens altogether.

And then both are disturbed by the thoughts of each other. She’s stunned by his softness. She had noticed when he stopped his rant. And the first woman Arnav thinks of when Anjali tells her about love is Khushi. It’s his anger and personality that prevents Khushi from thinking more about Arnav.

And it’s also his personality and beliefs (that are now on very shaky grounds) that stop Arnav from accepting the corner of his heart that has, unexpectedly, softened for Khushi. He only allows himself to completely think of her when he’s alone.

*double dreamy sigh - eating butter popcorn for the sigh*

“Khushi meri sagai ho ya na ho, kal ho ya ek saal baad ho, tumhe usse kya farak padta hai?” (S4, E10)

“Khushi, whether I get engaged or not, whether it’s tomorrow or the next year, how does it matter to you?”

The first thing that Khushi replies if, “Why should it matter to me if it’s your engagement?”

It’s not a no. It’s a question she asks him in turn. What does he expect? Why is he asking her this? Why… when it’s too late? And she quickly covers it up with “No, it makes no difference.”

It’s a lie. The minute she looks at him she knows he knows it’s a lie. Big props to the background scorers. We know the question hits Khushi hard because it’s the question she has been avoiding all along. We know that even though Arnav knows it’s a terribly hidden lie, he cannot help being hurt - a big credit to the soft, painful background score apart from the fantastic actors.

And when Khushi justifies her actions with scattered sentences and tears stinging her eyes, Arnav knows the truth. She knows the truth. And they both wait for the other to acknowledge it. And they both know neither can do so.

The most beautiful, painful and almost tragic part of this scene is that they’re both completely aware and struggling with the weight of their denial. His desperation, perhaps, is a mirror image to Khushi’s desperation when she wanted to know why he nearly kissed her on Diwali. But his desperation is also triggered by the fact that she is engaged to another man.

One might also wonder that once she can validate her emotions, perhaps break her loveless engagement (which he correctly assumes is forced), then he might get the strength to break his? One might also wonder that Khushi, at this point, has lost all hope for whatever it was between them - yet at his prodding she can only hope if he can ever speak up his mind. And his inability to do so pushes him farther away from her.

One of the loveliest things about Arnav and Khushi is that they can be interpreted a thousand ways. In one way Arnav’s fury post that scene does not really come from him believing that he does not matter, but rather on her denial. And he’s clearly not thinking clearly. Not ever since he learned her engagement. And Khushi, on the other hand, seems to have accepted her gloomy future, and seems to be sinking onto the thorn she has held onto.

If you see one of the promo posters, the creatives modified it to Khushi holding a thorned rose that injures her hand (so it’s bleeding) but her gaze is transfixed to the man behind her who’s staring at her too.

I think that is Arnav and Khushi’s journey. Poetic tragedy.

A story you’re almost afraid will not have a happy ending. A story where everything wrong happens. So it’s only a bigger pay off that they do end up together, in their happily ever after.

And honestly, Khushi’s refusal to accept her feelings post their marital status kind of prevents Khushi from seeming immoral or as the ‘third’ woman in Lavanya’s life. Also - I love Anjali at this time who is really the only person constantly worried about Khushi’s lack of happiness for her impending wedding. Not even Lavanya senses Khushi’s despair.

*I always, always tear up at this scene.*

“Haan ya na? Haan, ya na!” (S6, E4 - S6, E8)

“Yes or no? Yes, or no!”

The elopement episodes legit kill me. It’s so painful, and it’s painful because it was avoidable! And it’s all built of misunderstandings! There’s so much regret and what ifs that stem from here that this phase alone has inspired so many fan fictions across the world.

This moment reminds me of Shakespeare’s Othello on how Desdemona was painted as a lose woman by a jealous Iago. And convinced the Othello who had loved his wife endlessly that she was having an extra marital affair with Othello’s best friend and right hand man, Casio.

In IPKKND, Casio and Iago is built into one Shyam Manohar Jha - a man Arnav trusts immensely. A man so manipulative that it’s almost impossible to believe his vile side until we see it ourselves. It often makes me wonder what if we, the audience, never saw the conniving side of Shyam Manohar Jha? It’s frightening to realize that like Anjali, a lot of us might have had difficulty to understand what could be the truth.

There are so many reasons why this episode hurt. Khushi expected a proposal. Arnav wanted to propose. And it wouldn’t just be a confession of love, it would be marriage - it was hinted all along with the mehendi, haldi, new bangles for a bride to be and his duty as a damaad to look after his in laws’ relatives. He had behaved so innately as if he were already married to Khushi that it hurt to see their dreams of marriage come true, as a nightmare.

The push and pull between pain, empathy, betrayal is heartbreaking. Also, I believe it is also one of the few television shows to completely highlight the reason for a sudden, forced marriage. Yes, Arnav technically ‘gains’ agency of Khushi by claiming her as his wife - but that is never physical.

To be physically close to her is what they both wanted and dreamed off so it’s the first thing he shatters between him and Khushi. They wouldn’t be in the same side of the room, forget the bed.

Barun and Sanaya’s performance is impeccable in these sequences. Arnav’s constant shift from a cold, calculative monster a man whose heart breaks on his beloved’s tears is so visible. Khushi’s disbelief, to heartbreak to helplessness and ultimate ruin pulls the most of us to run and hug her for the longest time.

When Arnav asks Khushi to marry him, the pose is romantic - with her pressed against him, dressed in the similar shades - much like how they had danced a few nights ago. But it’s all a nightmare, the green tint adds the feeling of nausea, despair and gloom.

Of course, most of the anger shifts to an Arnav who torments Khushi endlessly for the months to come but most of my hatred at this point is fixed on Snake Jha instead. That man, singlehandedly, destroyed the most beautiful relationship out of his own villainy.

And if there’s anything I’m unsatisfied with in this serial, it’s how Arnav and Khushi never end up punishing Shyam directly for ruining their individual lives (and for perennially harassing Khushi over a period of seven months).

When he passionately dances with his wife. The woman he supposedly hates. (S6, E33)

“Bheegi bheegi si hai raatein bheegi bheegi

Yaadein bheegi bheegi baatein bheegi bheegi

Aankhon mein kaisi nami hai,

Aa ha ha ha ... aa ha

Sapnon ka saya palkon pe aaya

Pal mein hasaya pal mein rulaya

Phir bhi yeh kaisi kami hai

Aa ha ha ha ... aa ha Na jaane koi kaisi hai yeh zindagani, zindagani

Hamari adhuri kahani.”

The nights are drenched, so are the memories, the conversations. My eyes are strangely damp. A shadow of my dreams flashed before my eyes. It made me laugh, it made me cry. And yet, there’s something missing. No one knows what this life is. The one of our incomplete story.

This is the song that ran in my head when I watched them dance, painfully similar to way they danced when they were deep in love, in their Teri Meri. The steps are hauntingly same, but the emotions are vastly different.

For me in this moment Khushi is taken aback at her own feelings. She was so sure she had killed every memory, every feeling of that fateful night when he had danced straight from her fantasies into her heart. And boy she was wrong - those feelings rose back with a vengeance.

And for Arnav, it’s funny how the dance almost seems like a move to claim Khushi for himself, to exercise his possessive right over her in front of that vile Snake.

Once they start dancing though, everything fades away apart from the burning intensity they have for each other. This is something private. It’s the thin line between love and lust that they have always walked on.

His eyes are sharp yet intoxicated, drinking her face like nothing else. Her body is soft, and fluid, melting at his slightest touch. The wonder never leaves her eyes, neither does the sudden hunger.

Although the idea of the Delhi main Bali and Snake giving her roses *ewww, why didn’t she make an excuse!!!* and a part of me really wished that Khushi wore a pink saree instead of a salwar (she carries those so well - in that sexy, naive way!), and I wish that Snake disappeared from the planet - this dance was worth it.

The contrast between Akash Payal’s honeymoon night versus theirs does provide some much needed comic relief, it’s in the little moments such as a lit matchstick or them sharing a couch that kinda shows that the after effects of the dance lingered long in their heads.

Would I have been happier to have seen them directly carry out the palpable tension and angst that simmered during the dance to the privacy of their room? YES

Would that be possible on Indian television? Probably no

Do I respect the writers’ decision? Yes

Is this a perfect combination of angst and sexual tension? Heck yeah, why do you think I’m writing this!

Why do I love this scene - it has everything synonymous to Arnav and Khushi; the angst, passion, conflicted emotions and a hope that the fire hadn’t dimmed out.

*totally fanned myself and mentally thought that they were gonna blow up in flames or sexual frustration or the angsty thing of this whole situation at this point*

"Khushi, please stop crying. Khushi I... I love you.” (S7, E27 - S7, E28)

This was not a confession of love. This was a man’s last words. Arnav knew he would never get another chance to speak to her. As they say, death often brings about the biggest realizations and the biggest regrets. Yet again, this was a situation that could have been avoided.

If he listened to her.

If he had trusted her.

If he had allowed her to take him back home.

The ‘what ifs’ were too much. There was nothing more for Arnav to lose. And he couldn’t die without telling the only woman he ever loved that he never hated her. That he only, ever, loved her. Nothing else mattered.

On the other side Khushi had lost every hope of ever getting her love returned. His acerbic words and accusations had clawed her insides so much that logic, reasoning and even his hatred had fated away. He had to have known that she had always loved him. But she was so afraid to say anything that she could only cry when she heard his voice. And even before she could say what she wanted, he said the impossible.

He loved her.

Despite everything.

The angst is so heavy over here because Khushi’s joy and Arnav’s tragedy are so well put next to each other. On one end Khushi is floating with the thought of being loved and on the other Arnav is drowning for the very same reason. It’s one thing to verbalize your love, and another to never get the opportunity to live it.

True, Arnav wouldn’t have confessed his love if his life wasn’t in danger. He definitely would have come to that conclusion long after. It’s just that his brush with probably death broke away every hesitation, fear, doubt, betrayal he faced.

And nothing apart from an ‘I love you’ would’ve rendered Khushi speechless. It’s also disheartening that she realizes he would have never told her the same if things were normal.

The frustration, the pain, it’s beautiful!

Also one thing I found very interesting is that he cuts the call before Khushi can reply to him. Maybe her shock, her tears, her happiness (now that they are immensely in sync with each other), reveal that his feelings were returned (yup I’m an optimist!)? Maybe that’s why they didn’t need to say anything to each other apart from knowing that they’ve both been blind (once they meet each other into that legendary hug)?

It’s interesting that out of all the things that haunt him when he’s kidnapped - it’s how he reacted after knowing her version of truth. And Khushi, dear Khushi, she sees everything at his one confession - and perhaps it tells us all what she ever wanted to hear all along. Just like Arnav could forgive her everything at the possibility of never seeing her again, Khushi could forgive his anything at the slightest chance of him loving her back.

Also, one quick side note - I love how this parallels to the first promo. There Khushi held the torn photo together and held it against her heart. Here, Khushi’s belief in their broken relationship gets a 180 turn and she grasps her phone against her heart. There Arnav crumples the worn photo and closes his eyes in pain. Here, he cuts the call and grips the phone and closes his eyes in pain, again.

Full circle much?

*nope, totally didn’t cry when this happened, just some water leaks on the glands outside my eye ok*

“That I love you damnit!” (S8 , E30)

Isn’t it funny that the two most angsty moments in the show are the two times that Arnav ‘confesses’ his love to Khushi. And in fact it’s not that he’s confessing his love, it’s something they both know, it’s always more than that.

Totally negating the fact that there was an awkward-almost-forced-no-communication-what-the-heck-hate-it that-they-look-hot-weird-consummation sequence, let’s jump to Khushi overtly persisting Arnav about the necessities of marriage and rituals and Arnav finally breaking it to her that he loves her.

Given what happened (when he blamed her for everything wrong that happened in Anjali’s marriage) it’s perhaps easy to understand why Khushi would, again, need verbal assurance of who was she to him and what was her place in life.

In her mind it makes absolute sense that even if he proclaimed several times that he is her husband and she is his wife after that, she needed his words as his actions and words have contradicted a lot over time.

In his mind everything also makes sense. He married her (terribly, might I add), things were going better, they have shared a bed and are used to each other’s physical spaces and were always pretty close to kissing, if not sex (to be canon compliant, we can always imagine a much more eager Khushi and less creepy Arnav actually ready to bang in the hut).

So over here, in this scene, it’s the height of their frustrations and their differences in ideologies. Arnav has been a man of actions, Khushi has been a woman of words.

We can see how different they are, fundamentally and in a way it’s hilarious because both want the same thing. It’s kinda crucial to see that despite wanting the same thing - they really can’t understand each other at this point. He wants her to act. She wants him to say. And neither are getting the other in this process.

And even though he yells at her and stares at her with this intense release of their bubbling emotions - it was hot. Strangely it was because we’ve all heard of the calm before the storm, this was more like a calm after the storm.

And what’s sweet is that Khushi is always stunned. She stares at him and slowly lets it sink in about what he said. (I wish Arnav stuck around than swagger walked away because she went back into the room and positively glowed). So although this might not be my most favorite angst moment, the time when they just stare and Khushi goes through this phase of shock, understanding and a ‘why-didn’t-you-tell-me-before’ and he goes through irritation, understanding and then back to annoyance is the last bit of angst that they have against each other.

And for some reason, he does leave before he can hear her reply. Again.

*they looked so, so hot. Can’t believe this episode was nearly ruined by the forced suhaagraat. So glad she gets to tell him ‘I love you’ in this same outfit.*

“Jiji, agar woh waapas nahi aye toh hum kya karenge? Agar woh waapas nahi aye toh hum kya karenge?!” (S9, E30 - S10, E2)

“Jiji, what will I do if he never returns? What will I do if he never returns!?”

In this context it can loosely be translated to what will happen to me if he never returns as well.

Oh God these episodes tug my heartstrings so much. As I said, everything terrible seems to be happening to these two. And just as they resolved every bit of doubt between themselves, fate played them into the hands of the things that mattered most to them - family.

One of the reasons why I truly love this episode is because how ferocious Khushi is. She loves him, after the massive journey they’ve had, and heck will she allow anyone to destroy that. Her paranoia, fear and almost maddening level of love was such a refreshing change.

It’s not that she was just sobbing - no, she was constantly shifting between anger, denial, cries, yells, silence - everything. She nearly lost her mind at the thought of never getting him back again. And YES! This is my most favourite Khushi - the passionate, determined, vulnerable, strong, vocal Khushi.

And Arnav, oh God I truly cried for him. His struggles, his tears - I loved that he collapsed and cried his lungs out. I loved that he kept on trying to make sense of his life and collect the pieces of memory floating around to give an answer.

The angst, the fight against the past, the ultimate payoff - completely worth it. He made the right decision and he was still shaken by everything. Khushi, despite yelling at Dadi when that woman had the audacity of orchestrating this event, still murmured her apology to Arnav - respecting his family relations. They’re both quintessentially who they are, but at this point of time they understand each other in a completely different level.

(Which is why the future tracks don’t make much sense. Neither does the situation of Ek Jashn because no way would Arnav forget this day, out of everything.)

This day could have gone so, so wrong. But it does not. The angst of the two episodes builds up so well that I was crying when Arnav met with an accident - because he running his way back to his Khushi. The symbolism is flowing so heavily in these scenes.

It’s literally what keeps on happening in their lives. Khushi keeps her hope until it’s impossible and Arnav proves her wrong (delightfully so) by saying the most important things to her or even by making the most important decision. An optimist and a responsible decision maker - life looks good for them.

Kudos to the sound team for the way they handled the music - especially when Khushi rubbishes her thoughts of the broken bangles, is over excited at Arnav’s arrival and rushes down the stairs to meet him (breaking every single ritual cause rituals actually didn’t matter) and despite all the joy the dread in the background score is so good and effective.

Would I have liked if Arnav kept his hair up, if the phere flashback was omitted cause we just proved that pheres weren’t the issue and if the frothy pink white background was something different and darker - even like just the simple mandir as the mandir wedding aesthetic was prettier - definitely. BUT, that’s just minor irrelevant details.

*lets out a soft breath when Arnav kisses Khushi’s forehead after they marry... yes, angst is gone... totally gone. Thank God*

“Arnav aur Khushi hamesha saath rahenge.” (S10, E30)

“Arnav and Khushi will always stay together.”

Damnit, I’m getting emotional! Look at what the last angsty moment is between them. The first time I sensed angst, it was the impossibility of them getting together. And now, it’s the impossibility of them living apart.

That’s exactly why I am in love with this series - this is called growth.

I so sincerely wished the rest of the Aarav track was dealt with this much of maturity instead of the stupid comedy that was off putting. But you have to give the props to the writers, actors and production team for coming up with this soft, slightly angsty, emotional moment about the two characters who are so true to their nature yet fear another external force pulling them apart.

It’s a beautiful insight to the future. That Khushi would accept her vulnerabilities. That Arnav would reassure her and have his life knocked back into him when she would be next to him. That Arnav and Khushi would discuss everything together, now their differences remained superficial and their understanding was skin deep.

They understand all that without saying much. No humor, no belittling Khushi, no family harping on Arnav 2.0, no Khushi losing her maturity/intelligence/brains and no Sheetal becoming besties of Raizada for no reason.

This scene is such a beautiful moment between the both of them - precisely why the Mrs. India track felt like such a terrible downfall in their relationship. It didn’t make sense based on what was established in this episode.

Arnav and Khushi need each other. There’s no ego, no pride, just a deep level of understanding and a connection that rivals almost everything else. Over here Arnav isn’t angry at Khushi for making crazy connections, he’s speaking the possibilities with her and how futile her fear is because they are married and in love - she should be with irrespective of the consequences.

Over here Khushi isn’t hiding her thoughts or lying to him, she’s exposing her fears and worry. As an orphan she feels the necessity of making sure Aarav has a parent - especially if his father is hearty and alive. And she allows herself to be strengthened from the faith Arnav has in them and himself.

This one scene immediately made me empathize with both Arnav and Khushi. This is perhaps one of their very few soft conversations that happen on screen. Is there anything called soft angst? That hug made me weak in my knees. That’s love folks, that’s love. That’s how we envision Arnav & Khushi in future.

*imagines the soft kisses and moments these two might have had. Cries because it’s fluff meets smut and feels and damn they’re gorgeous*

PHEW! THAT’S THE END AND THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR STICKING ONTO THIS ONE! One last, final, quick note - all of this is obviously from my point of view and no way am I even right in perceiving the show - everyone has their own opinions so feel free to add notes!

#ipkknd #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon #arnavsinghraizada #khushi kumari gupta #thought #hindi tv #tv analysis #too long #lots of thoughts

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bedeliainwonderland · 5 years ago

Note

I understand disliking a character..but you realize anything that happens to bedelia in context of the show is driven by hannibal, right? the man you ship her with? the stinger, her fear, all that necessitates her self preservation is instigated by hannibal. the show frequently did a disservice to its female chars, but hannibal was the tool they used to do it. denying that and then shipping him w/ your fav only to turn it around on another char seems...hypocritical.

Ahh yes, some good ol’ anon hate, I missed that. Honestly, perfect timing, I am having the worst of times and getting to talk about my favs literally saved my day. So thanks!

First of all, Bedelia and Hannibal are a canon ship, whether you like it or not, so let’s get that out of the way (as opposite to certain other ship but that is a whole other thing). I merely fill in the blanks of what the show failed to provide because, for some inexplicable reason, the show named “Hannibal” was centered on a character named Will and every other character (especially the female characters) served only to further his “man pain”. But I digress, that is surely not why you chose to hide behind that grey square.

I don’t know whether you follow me or just saw that one reblog (which ironically weren’t even my words but I stand fully behind everything said), but I have already spoken about this extensively. Every day, really. I find it hard to understand how something is hypocritical when it is based on canon information. I am not denying anything. So here we go, under the cut, because I have a LOT to say:

The stinger- oh god, you all know how much I hate it. First of all, there is no proof that Hannibal is involved, we don’t know who is involved, that is kinda the point of a cliff hanger. We don’t even know if it’s real. But it’s absolutely pointless and makes no sense! It was quite literally Fuller wanting to do something “shocking” to finish off the series without any regard to continuity or characterisation. It was supposed to be shocking and look aesthetically pleasing, that’s it, no logic. It is as if he looked at the character list and thought “hmm, which female character is yet to be hurt? Oh right, Bedelia!” The so called “punishing Bedelia” as the fandom loved so very much is mere misogyny. Why can’t a female character do something morally questionable or even plain evil and get away with it? Because Will didn’t that is why. If she were a man, no one would scream for “she has it coming”, no, he would be uwu baby.

Having Hannibal involved in that would be completely out of character and contradictory to all their previous interactions/ their relationship. So let’s expand, shall we?

When we first see Bedelia and Hannibal, it is mentioned that she has been his psychiatrist for 7 years. 7 YEARS, let that sink in. No one, NO ONE, has been in Hannibal’s life for such a long time. It is clear she means a lot to him. If she didn’t, he had plenty of chances to kill her. It is established she is a loner, so it would so easy for Hannibal to dispose of her and claim “she left to UK” or something, like he did with his secretary. But he didn’t because he cares for her and she is important to him. He literally says he feels protective of her. Every session, you can see how much he needs her approval and how he hangs on her every word. How hurt he was when she said she wasn’t his friend (and yet he did nothing). How enamoured he is with her. When he comes to bring her dinner in Savoureaux, the dish included roses! Such a romantic.

Hannibal knew Bedelia was similar to him that is why he set up the whole Neil incident; he wanted to make sure she is. Do note that Bedelia wasn’t ever in danger, since Hannibal was there to step in if needed. But here is what I’ve found interesting; Bedelia killed someone, proving Hannibal’s hunch right, but she refused to fully acknowledge that part of herself. And Hannibal let her withdraw, doing nothing (as in not killing her, as I’m sure he had done many times with unsuccessful “candidates”) merely securing her continuous therapy. Because she was more than just another experiment to him.

And Bedelia isn’t so innocent in other aspects as well. She knows, yet she purposely evades the truth while talking to the FBI (“Will could use friends like Hannibal” ha!) under the cover of patient/ doctor confidentiality and even warns Hannibal directly (“they are starting to see your pattern). I have had my fair share of “Bedelia doesn’t care for Hannibal” posts and nothing could be further from the truth. If she hadn’t cared, she would not have done any of that.

But then of course, Hannibal’s game goes one step too far and he gives her the written permission to discuss him with the FBI. This is bad for Bedelia because it puts her under the scrutiny as well and that is not where she wants to be. Bedelia’s self-preservation always comes first (both Bedelia and Hannibal are egocentric by nature). Yet, she still comes to say goodbye to him and he lets her go! The script described Hannibal’s reaction to her words as “imperceivable wound”. “But he then went to kill her!” I hear you say? *Thor’s gif* Did he though? If he wanted to kill her, he would have done it then and there. No, he went to check if she were really gone (again, script) and whether she betrayed him. That was his only concern (betrayal is a big thing with Hannibal), but she didn’t. She even left him a memento. It said it was a memento of friendship, I think it was a “see you later” card.

This is getting super long, so let’s quickly skip to Florence. Bedelia left with Hannibal, knowing exactly who he was. Unlike other (all of them, actually) characters, she did not reject him/ was scared of him. “You let them see you/ I let them see enough” exchange says it all. She is not surprised by him or shocked by what he is; she is merely stating the facts. She has long accepted him in full. They lived together in Florence, openly behind the so called veil, as fake husband and wife, but the wedding rings remained intact even at home (showing how important it was to them, not just a front), displaying a ridiculous amount of domesticity and intimacy. This deserves a whole separate post but I am trying to be brief(er). “But she was scared!” you might shout again, except that she wasn’t. Even if Antipasto purposely played with the ambiguity of her situation for suspense purposes, the following episodes made it clear she was exactly where she wanted to be, from the very start, on her own terms as Hannibal’s equal. We were obviously misled by the promos, they promised us a Bedelia and Hannibal show and what we got was, well, you know… And that is yet another post altogether.

Now to the glorious farewell, boy, do I love to talk about that. Bedelia packs Hannibal’s bags and tells him to leave, and he does! What more, he promises to tell her story. HER STORY. Now, that is a major thing, because Hannibal has never ever done that for anyone. He always turns other people’s stories into his own, manipulating and adjusting accordingly. But with Bedelia, he simply agrees to do it, on her own terms. Not only that, he is visibly impressed and enamoured by her. Again, if he wanted to kill her, he could have just killed her then. He was going to get caught anyway, what is one more murder? All this “he waited until he could eat her” story makes no sense at all, since as it was already mentioned, he knew her for almost a decade, plenty of time to eat her if he wanted to. He lets her go because he wants to. Because he cares for her.

The point I have made several times is that Bedelia is the only person that Hannibal treats as, well, a person! Everyone else is beneath him, meat only if you will, but not her. Even the ever so special (apparently) Will and Abigail aren’t treated as “people”. Bedelia is the only person that Hannibal respects; that is what makes her so special. Not love (even though he obviously loves her), because respect is rarer for Hannibal than love. Sure, he “loves” Will, the same way you love your favourite book. You want to have it and you don’t want anyone else to have it, but you don’t expect the book to return your feelings. Bedelia is Hannibal’s only equal.

The Red Dragon arc was a mess of epic proportions so I don’t even want to get into that. But I do appreciate the acknowledgement of Bedelia’s darker side and now she has become comfortable with it since Florence. Let’s make a few notes so it doesn’t look as if I am purposely omitting things: Hannibal’s letters to Bedelia? Clearly a part of his “telling her story” and helping her cover, plus he was not able to send her proper letters, so that is his way of telling her he thinks of her. Sessions with Will? You can’t really take everything she told him at face value, she is obfuscating after all. Why would she be honest with Will? She wouldn’t be, she was just continuing what Hannibal has started with much better results (slightly too good actually, as proven by Will’s stupid plan). Bedelia wasn’t afraid Hannibal would come after her, because she had no reasons to be. NONE. She was protected by him.

So there you have it, the great many reasons why I am so unapologetic in my shipping. Because it is all there. Thank you for reminding me why I love these two so much! Have a great day, maybe next time you can message me off anon.

(And thanks to all who got to the end of this almost dissertation, this is my testament, I love you all fellow bedannibal fans!)

#bedannibal #bedelia du maurier #hannibal lecter #anonymous #asks #anon hate is great sometimes #reference for future anons

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bakagamieru · 5 years ago

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I don't think people are mad because of harry still being sad about zayn or whatever it is between them. Public image or offical narrative you name it but for some reason it's ALWAYS zayn who gets talked shit about and people at their "enough!" point me inclueded. 90% of theblogs I follow here are always critical about what's going on but after 5 years you want somethings to left behind. And at this point I can't help but ask would this mess still going on after all this time if it was not zayn?

General

There is every reason to believe that Zayn leaving is a stunt and that none of the boys ever had a problem with each other. I’ve explained that in many previous posts, and the explanation takes up a lot of space, so I’m not doing it again here. You can check out those posts in my Zayn Stunt Summary here: https://bakagamieru.tumblr.com/post/120840259353/zayn-stunt-summary

I think it helps to visualize this situation as a siege. The human psyche is rather suggestible. Even for strong, confident, self-assured personalities, it can be difficult to hold up against constantly being told the same lie from every quarter. Sooner or later, people who are repeatedly told lies start to believe them, unless they’re very lucky, very aware, and very careful. That’s the whole concept of gaslighting. This has also been shown in psychological experiments where people have eventually been convinced they’ve broken bones that they never have just because they keep being told they have over and over.

That’s why it’s important with this situation to keep reminding ourselves of the hard facts and work through every new development logically. That’s how we survive the siege and stop ourselves from getting hypnotized into believing negative things about the boys just because we’re told negative things over and over again.

Direct Answer

I think the current badmouthing is about a sick and twisted promo strategy that all of their teams seem to share.

I suspect there would be a lot more negativity from Zayn’s side if he had proper promo. No promo, no appearances, no performances, no interviews = no opportunity for badmouthing.

Also, keep in mind that there are 4 people that can potentially badmouth Zayn, while Zayn is only 1 person to badmouth the other boys. That’s obviously going to lead to more vitriol directed at Zayn than at the other boys.

Those two things (lack of promo, 4 v. 1 scenario) are probably part of the reason everything seems so unbalanced.

There’s also the fact that Zayn was cast as the villain from the beginning. In the post I linked, you can find a post I made about why there were multiple reasons for that and why Zayn was actually the only person among the boys that could have been put in that role during this stunt. Is there probably some racism involved in that? Yes. Is part of the reason that people are so willing to believe the worst about Zayn linked to unconscious racism? Quite possibly, yes.

I know it sucks to see other people buying the negativity and feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. The only thing I can say is that if you’re surrounded by negativity, it’s very difficult to see anything but the negative side of a situation.

I prefer to think that most of the fans have been taken in by a targeted psychological strategy that relies more on repetitive misdirection than that most of the fans are blatantly racist. And I really do believe that’s true. I believe a lot of this type of racism is unconscious bias and that one day, hopefully a lot of people with these unconscious biases will at least become aware they have them and work towards trying to fix them.

But no, in general I don’t think this negativity is still going on only because it’s Zayn. I think it’s still going on because old 1DHQ still want it to be going on and keeps stirring the pot to make sure it does. I think this is still going on because old 1DHQ still has some sort of hold on 1D’s public images, because the “feud” drama is being used for promo, and because the situation can’t really be fully resolved until the hiatus ends (and I predicted that before the hiatus began). I had hoped that we might at least get friendly Zayn and 1D even before a reunion, but apparently that’s too much to ask for from the evil 1D overlords.

I, too, feel like shit every time this unnecessary negativity rears its ugly head. However, you have to either find a way to accept and move past it (which I do through reminding myself of the truth via logic) or you might need to remove yourself from the negativity. If it’s dragging you down constantly, consider unfollowing blogs that post the news that upsets you or blocking the most common tags on the posts that upset you. I know being told to ignore a bad situation isn’t the best, but for your mental health, it’s either that or finding a way to fight back that makes you feel better.

Showy = Putting on a Show

To me, the drama of this “feud” is just another reason to believe that nothing IS actually going on between Harry and Zayn. Nothing bad anyway.

When something is constantly being pushed in your face, it’s generally because someone wants you to see it. More often than not, the things that are really scandalous are hidden in the entertainment industry and it’s the huge dramatic “feuds” that are constantly in the news that end up being all an act.

Character

Maybe I wear rose-colored glasses, but I’d like to think I’m a decent judge of character. None of the boys are rude or spiteful enough to keep taking potshots, especially to gang up on one particular person, for years and years after a fight.

It takes a certain maturity to survive with as much grace as the boys have managed in the entertainment industry, and that sort of maturity should also lend itself towards mending a relationship after an argument / learning how to move on from an argument that can’t be fixed.

Former Friend vs. Foe

Yes, there have been a few public scuffles with other celebs in the past, such as the Wanted, but that situation is different simply because no 1D boys were ever close to any of the Wanted. A fight with a near-stranger is very different from a fight with someone you’ve called your brother on multiple occasions.

The closer the people who are fighting are, the more emotional it is and the more hurt people get. Being more emotional means being more likely to be very angry, but being more hurt means that you aren’t as likely to want to broadcast that very vulnerable, private feeling. You’re more likely to want to shun the topic with strangers than vent about it, if you’re any sort of a private person.

If we know nothing else, we at least know for sure that Zayn and the other boys were very, very good friends. You can’t fake the way they were together for the amount of time they were together.

It Was a Single Fight Supposedly

The story is that none of the boys are really in contact with Zayn, so according to that narrative, it’s not like there are ongoing clashes that keep any of the boys feeling like they need to keep commenting negatively about Zayn. If you’re continually butting heads, it might make sense to keep complaining about the situation, but that’s not what we’re being told is happening. We’ve essentially been told that there was 1 fight years ago and that’s been it aside from a small amount of supposed back and forth, almost entirely in print interviews initially.

Time and Common Decency

It’s been almost 5 YEARS. What person with any sense of decency keeps bringing up a fight at every public appearance that happened 5 YEARS ago?

That would be like getting in a fight with your good friend and then badmouthing them publicly at every gathering of your mutual friends for years. No matter who was in the right originally, you’re just a jackass at that point.

Talking about something in private and complaining is one thing, but doing it in public? That’s entirely different. And the more time that passes, the more ridiculous it is.

Relevancy

Zayn isn’t even really relevant to any of the boys’ solo careers, so it doesn’t particularly make sense for him to be brought up over and over.

This might be because the interviewers can’t seem to move on from 5 years ago, asking constantly about when the band is getting back together, if they’re getting back together, how is it different having a solo career, etc. It’s been 5 YEARS. Those questions have been asked and answered ad nauseam and it’s not like those answers have changed over time.

Sorry, got a bit off track complaining about interviewers… Anyway, it might just be the interviewers being unoriginal, but their team clearly hasn’t blacklisted the topic which would be a more sensible and classy way to handle things given the situation and the amount of time that’s passed. There’s no need to talk about Zayn at all really, and yet it keeps coming up. It just makes all of them look bad, which shouldn’t be the image their teams want for them, and yet…apparently something is more important.

The Promo Connection

More than that, it specifically always seems to come up during promo, for better or worse. Sometimes the mentions are more positive, but most of the time the narrative takes a sharp turn to the aggressively negative overnight.

After ranging from positive to neutral when talking about Zayn for years, suddenly during Liam’s first round of promo, things turned quite negative (e.g., wouldn’t save Zayn if he were drowning) and again during this current round of promo (e.g., guess I can talk about this honestly now, etc.).

After supposedly reconciling about 3 different times (while apparently having no contact positive or negative at all during these years?), Louis’ feelings on Zayn are apparently very negative (e.g. we’re too immature to ever make up) during this current round of promo.

After not talking about Zayn at all, Harry was suddenly negative during his first round of promo (I think it was the Rolling Stone print interview, but I’m not sure) and brought it up negatively again, unprompted, during this round of promo on SNL.

It’s not like Zayn ever HAS promo anymore, but when he does have interviews, there’s generally some sort of dig at One Direction somehow (pretty much all print interviews, of course).

The only one to escape the pattern is Niall, but Teflon Niall is a real thing, enough said.

It’s ALWAYS during promo for a single or album that things get nasty again. My best guess is that their teams think that the “feud” = drama = attention = sales. To me, it seems dumb, repetitive, unrealistic, etc., but I guess a casual fan or the general public wouldn’t follow everything they do, so it’s not as repetitive to that type of consumer.

Conclusion

I am 100% aware of how exhausting, frustrating, and infuriating this whole situation is. There’s no need for the negativity, it makes no sense, it paints all of the boys in a bad light, it basically requires someone to assume the worst of Zayn in order to believe any of it, and yet there are tons of people who still do believe all of it without any critical thought.

This is why I still write posts like these over and over again. I have to get those negative emotions out somehow, and the best way for me to feel better is by countering the official narrative by using logic. It reassures me that even though I’m made to feel like crap about the situation, my initial and continuing judgments about the situation haven’t been wrong. If you remind yourself of the actual proven characters of the people involved and work things out logically, it’s not dire like all the negativity makes it feel.

When things are loud, they tend to be for show. That’s what this all is. This negativity is for show, which means it’s not real.

TLDR;

The fact that there’s still so much public negativity between the boys and Zayn is unrealistic, and therefore suspicious, because:

the boys are too good to be acting like this

this supposed fight would be too intimate and painful to bandy about publicly like this

supposedly the boys haven’t been in contact and so all of this is over a single fight that happened 5 years ago

the boys are too smart to not know that acting like this makes them look bad

their teams have to be in favor of the badmouthing because otherwise they could easily have just not talked about it at all

there’s generally a sharp increase in negativity when one of the boys has single or album promo

there’s more badmouthing of Zayn because it’s framed as 4 v. 1 and also Zayn never has any promo

My conclusion from these points (and also from previous facts and experience) is that the badmouthing isn’t because 1D and Zayn want to be badmouthing each other. Rather, the drama of the “feud” is being used for promo and possibly other purposes. I firmly believe that if there were a real falling out, the 1D boys would have handled it far more gracefully than this, given the chance.

I suppose it’s possible that there was a real fight and that the boys were forced to handle it ungracefully by their team, but I would point to Occam’s Razor. The simplest explanation that fits ALL the facts related to this situation (from the time of Zayn leaving through now) is that Zayn was forced out of 1D as a stunt and that there was never an actual feud between Zayn and the rest of the boys.

So yes, this situation sucks, but no, I don’t blame either side for it because there are NO sides when there is no actual fight. I blame old 1DHQ and I blame society in general and I blame the ignorance of the general public. But I’m not here for them, I’m here for 1D, so I keep my head down and keep waiting for things to get good again.

#one direction #zayn leaving #zayn v. 1d feud #speculation #bakagamieru #masterpost #I wrote a massive post again #sob #why do I always do this?#when will I ever learn?#I also can't stay on topic for the life of me #Anonymous

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reyloisblessed · 5 years ago

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Fic Recs List #4

** MIND THE TAGS FOR SOME OF THESE!

IN CANON / CANON DIVERGENT

Broken Accidental Stars by @thisgarbagepicker // During the standoff on the bridge at Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren yields to the light within him and accepts Han’s plea to leave with him, no questions asked. With the map to Luke Skywalker secured, the Resistance hastily relocates to an island planet in the Outer Rim, spurred by unsettling intel about recent First Order developments in tracking technology. Meanwhile, Rey—untrained and stronger than she knows—grapples with the awakening of her power in the Force and struggles to determine where her path must lead. As uncertainty and strange dreams compel her to seek Kylo’s help, one thing becomes clear to them both: Whatever passed between them in the interrogation room was only a beginning, and the will of the Force is rarely easily understood . . .

Dawn of Hope by @rena-san // Ben looked at the two women he would tear the galaxy apart for. One for love. One for family. "Choose" hissed the voice. He felt his limbs go numb, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. "Choose, or they both die." Ben's breathing hitched. How had it come to this?

FANTASY AU

Annointed by @waterlilyrose // The Seven Kingdoms have finally been freed of the Mad King. And the Skywalker descendant Kylo Ren is the obvious heir of the Throne. Rey is beloved in the North and even holds the title of Queen with some families. For peace in Westeros, a marriage between the two makes sound political sense. If the two opponents find each other captivating in the process... all the better. A Reylo Game of Thrones Crossover.

come to my cage, little lover by @kylotrashforever // “Come here, Beta.”Every step is difficult— as if her legs are made of stone themselves. He motions that she sit behind him, and she remains there on her knees for several seconds as she wonders what he might want.“Your hands. Use them.” [In which Rey is brought to the house of the infamous warlord, Kylo Ren, to serve his every need. Omegas are not allowed. Surely nothing will go wrong.]

MODERN AU

Crimson Lane by @wayofthepathfinder // Rey is an ex-journalism student who was forced to leave university and into prostitution after her parent’s crippling debt falls on her shoulders and the people they owe money to begin targetting her. In desperation, she takes a job at Crimson Lane, a high-end brothel in the city. On her first night, she is booked with the mysterious Kylo Ren, who comes with his own set of rules: No kissing, no touching, no eye contact and no questions. What was supposed to be one night of uncomplicated paid sex, turns into so much more as they work through the dark truths that have bought them to this place. This is an angsty, enemies to lovers story based on two people who are inextricably entwined by a shared past. Despite the gritty brothel setting, this is definitely not a "porn without plot", in fact, it's probably the opposite. There's a lot of layers to the characters and a story that takes time to tell, as well as a dose of mystery, angst and drama. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have writing it.

go i know not whither and fetch i know not what by voicedimplosive // The year is 1994. The Iron Curtain has come down, the oligarchs have begun their rise to power, and Kyril Ren, a powerful member of the infamous crime syndicate Solntsevskaya Bratva, has been given a job: hunt down an estranged uncle who has been snitching to the FBI. Irena, nicknamed Rey by her adoptive father Luke, is a Krav Maga instructor in New York who has finally been able to obtain her original birth certificate from Russia. Turns out she was born in a little village named Vershinino, but if she wants to know more than that… she’s going to have to go there herself.

Nothing Nice to Say by LovesBitca8 // Notorious asshole Ben Solo loses a bet at the office. He must begin every conversation with complementary things to his employees, or else they are not required to respond to him. He hasn't said anything at all to Rey, and she wonders why.

NOT REYLO [FINNROSE]

i wanna burn those clothes by Kyriadamorte // Finn and Rose go back to Canto Bight. She still hates the place. And the clothes. AKA, Finnrose smut in fancy clothes.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMO

Oathbreaker // Dark A/B/O LotR AU // Kylo Ren is the last surviving member of the Knights of Ren and a loyal protector of King Vadon Snoke, conqueror of the known world and supreme leader of the realms. One night, Snoke’s failing general, Armitage Hux, brings home a gift to placate the ruthless king, a captured elf maiden, but not just any elf; a rare omega. King Snoke is intrigued, though he isn’t the only alpha captivated by this feral maiden. For the first time in years Kylofinds himself questioning his resolve, but most dangerous of all, his loyalty.

> > > OTHER FIC RECS < < <

#reylo #reylo fanfiction #my fic recs

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snowbellewells · 5 years ago

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Self Promo Sunday: “Scaling the Walls”

Originally, I started this one before the season four finale actually aired, though the idea and set-up were based on the promos, and I didn’t finish it until that episode had shown. Still, this is more my own idea of how the “Emma being trapped in a tower and needing a rescue” plot could have played out. I revisited it the other day and thought that someone else might also enjoy it on Self-Promo Sunday!

"Scaling the Walls”

By: @snowbellewells

Wave upon wave of pain racks her body, radiating through unendingly, nearly rocking Emma Swan off her feet. The only thing keeping her from falling to the floor in an unconscious heap are the chains binding her hand and foot to the stone wall of her tower prison. Her eyes slam shut, and she tries fruitlessly to press her hands to her brow, only to have the motion arrested halfway through by the shortness of her bonds. It feels as if her head may split in two if she cannot exert some pressure to keep her senses together, but all her efforts are for naught. She is trapped and will remain so, no end to her agony in sight.

A strangled scream rises from her throat, pouring past her lips out the window into the trackless woods surrounding her cell and reverberating off its walls. She feels her heart wrenching and shattering as this psychotically unrecognizable version of Snow White plunges her hand once more into Emma's chest and grasps, squeezing and trying to pull out her own daughter's heart. The fact that this is her mother, made bloodthirsty and malicious by some wretched curse, only makes the torture worse, as the face whose kindness Emma has always treasured grins wickedly and Snow throws back her head with an evil laugh. "Oh darling! If you think you will ever defeat me, you're living in a dream world. You as the uprising’s pathetic hope?!? Their promised Savior?" The words are hissed right in Emma's face as the clawed fingers squeeze her pounding organ tighter and jerk at it again, "It’s almost laughable. I am the Queen, and you will rot in this tower, unless you relinquish your lovely heart, and your magic, and submit to my control."

Emma is practically trembling with pain and exertion, sweat running down her forehead and stinging in her eyes, fists clenched at the effort it takes merely to retain awareness through this newest onslaught, petrified by what might happen to her if she slips away. She bites almost through her lower lip, trying not to scream or cry anymore – knowing it only brings this twisted version of Snow pleasure. She has also long since ceased trying to remind her mother of the truth, as it also brought only pain at previous attempts. It hardly bears mentioning that her magic is either not working or no longer accessible to her. She is certain that this Snow won't take that for an answer. Still, can't the other woman see that if Emma had control of her powers she wouldn't stay here at their mercy? Tears fall from Emma's eyes silently at the cruel, unknowing stare focused on her, but she holds back any sound.

The new Evil Queen twists her hand within Emma's chest, and Emma is sure she must be dying. A howl of agony tears from her throat against her will and echoes in horrible crescendo. The sounds of abject despair and torment go winging out the lone window of the tower to be heard for miles around by those who ignore the cries of a rumored hero supposedly suffering at the Queen's hand.

The heartless slave version of Prince Charming steps forward from where he waits in the shadows, hand outstretched in supplication as he urges his Queen. "Your Majesty!" he pleads fervently. "Stop, please! You'll kill her at this rate and never harness her magic for yourself!"

His dark haired mistress darts a dangerous, crackling, narrow-eyed look over her shoulder at him against the far wall, pausing only an instant before her hand shoots out and throws him against the solid stone, where he falls incapacitated. "Silence!" Snow White orders needlessly as he seems completely stunned into submission.

Her shuttered, emotionless eyes, venomous and sharp as any serpent's, flick back to her prisoner and gleam with cold intent. "You're going nowhere, Princess," she purrs, the title cruel and mocking with the inflection she gives it. "You'll die a prisoner either way. But how much more you suffer before I can gain your heart and your power is entirely up to you. Tell me now how I can accomplish this, and put yourself out of your misery."

Emma trembles helplessly where she stands; her abused, aching muscles stretched beyond endurance but unable to gain relief. She wants to cry out to Snow that she is not this monster; they need to fight together to escape whatever alternate reality Gold and the Author have plunged them into - despite knowing her plea will do no good. Though she senses she will need her magic before all is said and done, though she knows she must hang onto what strength and sanity she has left, Emma thinks that in this awful moment, if she knew how to give up her powers, she would allow the Queen to have them. She doesn't know where Killian or Henry, or any of the other people she has come to know and care about, are – if they have been brought along in this nightmare as well, if they know themselves, or if they have been changed. All she has seen is the inside of these stone walls and these horrific mockeries that should never be called her parents.

However, Snow White seems to take her quiet helplessness as defiance and she shrieks in wild rage. "Have it your way!" she yells. An almost electric pulse of energy erupts from the other woman's palm, and Emma feels it crawling through her veins, burning and scorching unbearably.

Her howls of helpless agony as she quivers in her restraints overlap on each other in desperate, unending climax, until she finally slumps, boneless and insensate in her chains, lost to the world.

~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~~

Killian Jones does not know how he got himself roped into such a ridiculous venture. He shakes his head in disbelief once more as he looks behind him to the skinny, bedraggled youth with brown hair flopping in his eyes who follows him through the thick undergrowth at the forest's edge – 'more a fool's errand than a hero's journey' his mind insinuates as he recalls the words of the boy on his heels as he had looked up at Killian with a wide open expression of hope.

What had he been thinking, letting his sense of duty move him to follow this child off his ship, away from the harbor, and on this – what had the lad called it? Operation? Yes, that was it…Operation Swan's Rescue. He had thought himself long past dreams of being a dashing hero and undertaking courageous missions for the good of his people. That was all burned away in the ashes of a Pegasus sail and sunk to the depths with Liam's body long ago, when he was another man. Yet, he has never claimed to be wise or cautious, to do what makes reasonable sense, and he was not able to resist this ragamuffin's precocious grin or the somehow familiar twinkle in his big, trusting eyes, and so here they were, quite possibly chasing a mirage, a dream: a princess in a tower needing a champion to save her.

The lad certainly weaves a compelling tale, Killian thinks to himself as he pushes further into the trees and bracken, keeping well off the beaten path. Of course, he has heard the stories; everyone in this section of the kingdom – where the tower is supposed to reside – has heard of the Savior, the lovely being of hope and light magic, somehow born to the Evil Queen and her favorite plaything, then imprisoned by said mother in fear of her daughter's magical power someday overthrowing her reign of terror. Killian himself had always thought them mere fables – fireside tales to charm and entertain. However, this boy seems so sincere, and so desperate, that he finds himself believing the youth's words.

Beyond that hunch, the sense of trust, his mind cannot help but whisper, 'What if?" If there is truly a Savior, a being of Light and Good, who could restore this land to what it once was, to the beautiful, peaceful kingdom of his youth where he remembers running wild in the fields with Liam chasing him laughingly, where he wove daisy chains to take home to his mother and he could still bask in the love of her pleased, quiet smile. If the Evil Queen's rule can be brought to an end, doesn't he owe it to his people, his country, and Liam's memory, to explore every possibility? Isn't it only good form for one in his post to venture forth and make sure? Not only that, but if such a pure innocent is being held captive, if everyone knows and merely leaves her to such a fate…it twists knots of tension in his gut, not letting his mind rest. A fool he may be. He may be walking directly to his death, but his conscience will let him pursue no other course.

They have come to a stop at a running brook – refilling their canteens, slaking their thirst, catching their breaths – when a wretched wail of agony rings out in the air, silencing the birds and echoing off the trees in harsh, violent waves. Killian's eyes meet the lad Henry's, and they both freeze, horrified by the sound of such suffering. The anguish he hears in that cry lets Killian know for certain he was right to follow this quest. He must stop whatever is being done to this prisoner.

They take off at a run, unheeding of their safety or what they may find. Crashing through thorn bushes and grasping vines, panting with exertion, they both nearly go tumbling headlong to the ground when Killian skids to a sudden halt and Henry plows right into his back.

They have dashed into a deserted clearing, and there before them, rising dark and foreboding into the clouds, stands the tower. The grey stones are cracked and jutting, looking as dark and unwelcoming as must have been intended, and though his eyes search frantically along the base, Killian can see no way in.

Both pirate and youth stand frozen in uncertainty for a long stretch, until abruptly the cries of suffering halt, all goes silent, and Killian finds himself desperately jolted forward. He does not know if this will work, but he simply must take action. The imprisoned woman – according to Henry, their last chance – cannot be dead. They cannot be too late. Grasping at the rugged wall as best he can with his one working hand, he wedges his hook into a crack between stones. With one last glance to make sure his young compatriot is still with him, Killian begins to climb the tower.

~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~~

Awareness trickles back to Emma with the scrabbling, scratching sounds of metal scraping along stone. Blinking her eyes blearily and raising her head from where it had slumped awkwardly on her chest, she vaguely determines that the strange scuffling is coming from just outside her prison's single window.

Emma scrunches her brow in confusion, trying to determine what new threat could be coming for her now. She knows that the tower is high, high enough that no fully sane person would attempt to scale its walls. For the few fleeting instants she has been free of her chains in the years it seems she has been held captive here, she was able to see out over the entire forest, well over the tops of the tallest trees.

Just as she is looking fruitlessly around the barren room for something she can defend herself with against this intruder, a metal hook and strong forearm fling themselves in the window and clutch tightly, soon pulling a messily wind-ruffled head of black hair and a belovedly familiar face over with them. Her pirate, whom she had begun to fear herself lost from forever, practically hauls himself though the opening, flopping onto the stone floor, chest heaving with exertion.

"Killian!" she cries out plaintively, so glad to see him that she doesn't even care how girlish and helpless it might make her sound. "You found me!" She begins to run to him, momentarily forgetting her bonds, until the chains jerk her back.

His head shoots up at the sound of her voice, startled blue eyes meeting her gaze. He looks unsure, as if he doesn't know what to make of her awe-filled greeting. Turning quickly in the next moment to stand and return to the window again, he surprises her once more by reaching out his hand to pull someone else up and into the window after him.

Emma's heart swells at the sight of Henry. Both her son and the man she loves are here at last, safe and sound and come to rescue her. Henry doesn't seem to suffer the same confusion that Killian does. Once the man has stopped brushing him off, asking if he is okay, and lets him go, Henry rushes to her with a joyfully relieved shout of "Mom!" and wraps his arms around her – literally bringing warmth and hope back into her cold, lonely false existence.

"You found me," she repeats, a dazed whisper this time, overwhelmed by the belief and determination her son has shown to get here, and the bravery he has exhibited in climbing a tower guarded by the Evil Queen's men, at the risk of his own life – for her sake. She squeezes him tighter, wishing more than she has in all the rest of her time here to be free of the chains so that she can really take her little boy – well, young man now – fully in her arms.

She can only chuckle and shake her head when he grins at her and says exactly what she should have been expecting, "Did you really doubt we would?"

Emma's gaze flicks to Killian again, where he stands back awkwardly watching the reunion. He scratches the spot behind his ear uncertainly, but then he meets her curious, searching glance. She is frozen when their eyes make contact, breath catching with emotion. Not only is he here helping Henry, but he came to her aid even without remembering who she is or what they mean to each other. She wants so badly for him to hold her, for the sort of passionate kiss they have only recently begun to allow themselves to set everything back to rights.

Surprisingly, as the moment stretches on, Emma can see something come over Killian's face. She holds her breath, hoping against hope that somehow what they have, the connection between them, has survived this reboot of their history and who they are in this fictional reality. As she has suffered here alone, afraid she would never see his face, hear his beautiful, lilting voice, or feel his gentle but inflaming touch again, she had come to realize the truth. She loves him with a depth that scares her. She has for a long time, but could never find the words to say it aloud.

Killian tilts his head to the side, beautiful ocean eyes squinting in concentration as he studies her face, almost seeming to look beneath her skin, into her soul. Taking a tentative step forward, he reaches out, taking her hand in his one, gently rubbing soothing fingers over her skin reddened from the heavy shackle. Reaching out with his hook, he smoothes her wild, tangled hair back from her face and over her shoulder; a familiar, intimate gesture he has made several times, whether he realizes it or not. "I know you, Lass. Do I not?" he finally murmurs, eyes searching hers for an answer.

It is as though he has stolen the very breath from her lungs and the words right off her lips. All Emma can do is stare at him, amazed by his unbelievable, inexplicable faith, and nod in affirmation. She can still see wonder and adoration shining from his face, directed at her, even if he isn't sure why. Can he still somehow see what he means to her in her face? Still feel what they have – or echoes of it – despite everything that has been altered? Emma finds herself willing to hope as never before.

Unfortunately, at that moment they are interrupted by the sound of several pairs of booted feet pounding up the steps to her cell, harsh voices calling about intruders and securing the 'mad princess'. All three of them whirl to stare at the heavy door of Emma's cell in alarm, knowing the pirate and young prince can climb back out, but that they have no way to release her from her chains. She can't escape with them.

"Go!" she urges desperately, trying to spur both Henry and Killian on. She cannot bear to think what may happen to them if they are discovered here trying to free her. The guards are getting closer all the time and her heartbeat is pulsing in her throat at the danger to her two most precious loves. "You can't be found here! Please!"

Henry's eyes show understanding beyond his years as he nods his assent. Clasping her hand tightly for a split second, he vows, "We'll be back for you, Mom," before he moves toward the window, swinging one leg over the ledge and preparing to go.

Killian's face shows no such resignation. His look is desperate, frantic to save her. "What happens to you when we go, Love? I cannot leave you to them!"

"You have to, Killian…for now…I'll be alright." She gives him a brave, if tremulous, smile, needing him to be safe, even if she is not.

"No," he breathes, shaking his head and not moving an inch, even when Emma hears the running footsteps halt and instead the dreadful sound of a key turning in the ancient, rusty lock.

Whirling to face the door as it swings open, Emma prays that somehow Killian will slip out the window after Henry in the nick of time, or that some echo of the magic she possesses in their real world will shield him from their malevolent foes. Of course, as they have been ever since she opened her eyes in this parallel universe, her wishes are ignored, and with cries of attack four of the Queen's armed black guards charge forward.

Killian steps in front of Emma swiftly, easily shielding her in a single movement. He pulls the cutlass from his belt and strikes down the first assailant with deadly grace; the movement a slash as quick and sharp as a jagged finger of lightning. The second opponent meets his hook and falls motionless at their feet.

For several tense moments, Emma's breath is stolen watching the lethal accuracy Killian employs, protecting them both flawlessly and without hesitation. He ducks the third attacker's strike, and the guard overshoots, running past them, stumbling and falling just in time for the pirate to parry a fourth henchman's blow. They engage for only the briefest flurry of sword passes before Killian has bested this one as well and kicked the unconscious man away. He turns sharply, on guard with the knowledge that one last aggressor is still waiting.

Emma wants to call out to warn him, spare him the shocked pain she sees flare in his eyes when he finds his last foe, but she can't – not with the guard's hand gripping her throat, cutting off her air and her voice. She shakes her head at her sailor, knowing he won't protect his own safety but merely lunge forward to save her. She puts out a hand in an effort to wave him back, urging him to think for a moment, fight as smart as he has been, but somehow Killian misconstrues her motion and lets his eyes follow her gesture. Perhaps he thought she was reaching out for him in fear, but he is distracted one second too long.

The guard stabs forward, arm pushing stealthily from under Emma's outstretched one. He catches Killian in the side, under his ribs, and then drags the sword blade across and up, slicing a long path through leather and flesh with sickening depth.

Those fathomless blue eyes snap wide in shock and pain and a gasp flies from his lips as Killian's forward stride draws up short. Having achieved his goal, the final guard releases his grip on Emma and flings her away. Emma registers that she is screaming, crying out for Killian, but he doesn't answer, falling to his knees and bringing his hands up disbelievingly to the blood flowing from his side.

"Let that be a lesson to you before considering future attempts at escape," the guard growls roughly. "I'll leave him with you, to be sure you understand the price of crossing our Queen."

The heavy door slams shut again behind him, and Emma stumbles forward, clanking chains and all, to fall beside her pirate, sobbing out his name and pulling his head into her lap, cradling him protectively the best she can with her limited movement, tears falling from her eyes to his cheeks as she bends her head over him, fearing he is already gone, the wound is so bad. "Please…Killian…I'm so sorry…" she murmurs frantically, brushing his dark hair off his forehead, trying to ease his pain and keep him with her.

It isn't long before she feels smaller hands on her shoulders, pulling her into a hug from behind, trying to offer comfort before crouching next to her and attempting to staunch the blood still pouring from Killian's wound.

"Henry?" she questions blearily, confused.

He shrugs, "I just held onto the outside wall right below the window. Luckily they didn't check for anyone else. When the fighting stopped, I crawled back in."

She shakes her head at his daring, but her eyes quickly fly back to her pirate. To her shock, he is also chuckling at her son, though the sound is rough and choking. "There's a lad," he manages teasingly to Henry, before a horrible wracking cough interrupts and she sees blood at the corners of his mouth when he pulls his hand away afterwards.

Emma's tears still fall and she begins whispering apologies in his ear once more. He only shakes his head, "No, Lass…don't….be sorry. You are worth it. You and Henry….will find… a way out…I'm…glad I was…part of it…" His eyes flutter closed and his chest heaves mightily to keep moving up and down.

"Killian?...No!" she cries out when his eyes fail to reopen.

"Mom!" Henry breaks into her panic, his hand on her upper arm pulling her back to her senses. "Mom, you have to kiss him. True Love's Kiss! It'll save him. It has to!"

It seems so farfetched that she hardly dares to hope, but Emma is out of options and desperate not to have Killian slip away in front of her. Tracing a hand along his jaw, she lets her eyes slide shut and leans even closer to his mouth. Just before she presses her lips to his, she whispers as she did once before, "Killian, come back to me."

A disconcerting pull in her stomach and a spinning feeling makes it seem for a minute as if the world has turned upside down and the floor has dropped from under her. Blinking her eyes to look around once the whirling sensation eases, Emma is stunned to find them back in Storybrooke, sprawled inelegantly on the pavement in the middle of Main Street. Her fingers are somehow miraculously twined with Killian's as he sits up beside her, whole and unharmed from the sword wound still fresh in her memory, and her other arm is wrapped tightly around Henry. The chains and her tower prison are gone, and she gapes like a newborn baby at her surroundings. Killian turns to her, a rakish grin on his face, and she knows both realities are in his mind too. "It would appear you saved me, Swan," he teases lightly, but real affection brims in his eyes.

"What would I do without you, Pirate?" she whispers, holding on tighter and trying to keep the quaver from her voice as she burrows into his embrace. It is long past time he heard the words, and suddenly so simple for her to add in a whisper against his heart, "I love you."

Tagging a few who might enjoy: @kmomof4 @hollyethecurious @searchingwardrobes @therooksshiningknight @spartanguard @jennjenn615 @bmbbcs4evr @resident-of-storybrooke @teamhook @revanmeetra87 @laschatzi @ilovemesomekillianjones @gingerchangeling @blackwidownat2814

#captain swan ff #self promo sunday #season four finale divergent fic #cs one shot #captain cobra #swan believer #canon divergent

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