#the tories are a sinking ship

[secretagentsagainstwhatever]

ya know what i find funny about the whole tory party gate thing ? Gen z & millennials get accused of recording everything / putting everything online but i stg all my relatives aged like 40-60 (ish) have their cameras out at far more occasions then people my age, like yeah young people have their phones out but usually just showing each other dumb memes or whatever but the older generation want pictures of everything to go on facebook man…anyway yeah idk just thoughts

[generalelectionmusings]

Michael Gove - 2 days ago 👇

Michael Gove today 👇

[lost-carcosa]

[gingintigtig]

To give International peeps an idea of what the fuck is happening to the Conservatives in the UK right now, leading up to the July 4th election

In a grand total of only 14 days, the conservatives have done the following on the campaign trail.

Announced the election outside of number 10 in the pouring rain with no plans to use an umbrella or take it inside.

Went to a brewery in Wales and asked if they were looking forward to the summer football, only for staff to respond that Wales didn't make the qualification for the cup.

Person who questioned the PM on Television was actually a plant

Went for an interview at the Titanic Quarter in Belfast and the reporter said "are you captaining a sinking ship into this election?"

This picture.

Promised a return of National Service which OBLITERATED the young vote.

A top Tory minister instead of campaigning went to fucking Greece.

A Tory minister gave up her own seat and told everyone to vote for the Reform candidate instead.

Three Tories defected to a different party.

Did a PR thing involving the PM dribbling a football and someone commented on camera "he's as good at football as he is as being Prime Minister" (he was terrible).

Former Tory minister suggested on Twitter that once he loses the election he would bugger off to California to be a speaker at GOP conferences like other former Tory ministers have done, and he had to furiously deny the allegations.

He said he'll get rid of poor value for money University Courses and when asked which ones, couldn't name a single one.

Announced the election but were nearly 200 candidates short to compete and are scrambling to find some.

Hung the flag upside down in their campaign video, which means we're in distress.

Gave a speech with factory workers, and one woman was so aghast at his bullshit on camera that they sent someone out to stand in-front of her to block her reactions; it has already been satirised.

A high profile conservative MP called a pollster who was live on air, the pollster answered, telling him that he was going to lose his seat by a massive majority. The MP didn't say anything and just hung up. Again, this was LIVE ON AIR.

They went campaigning in Hanley, and in the river behind them, the Liberal Democrat party very slowly sailed by on a little boat. The camera man panned the camera away from the prime minister to focus on the Liberals in the boat slowly sailing down the river.

A new poll shows that for the first time in decades, if not over a century, the Conservatives could be in third place, with Labour (Social Democrat) and the Liberal Democrats becoming the top two parties.

I hope you've been keeping count here, because it's been fourteen days and that is 18 pieces of terrible publicity.

[poeticpascal]

I've Got You (Dbf!Joel Miller x Reader)

Masterlist | Request here!

Summary: When a date set up by your father goes wrong, your secret boyfriend and Dad's best friend races to protect you.

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: smut, 18+, MDNI, attempted sexual assault, abusive language, reader's date is a tory prick, soft!dom!Joel, blowjob, unprotected sex, use of pet names.

A/n: So... this is my first time writing smut. I am super proud of this one, so please let me know what you think! Requests are open so for more Joel/Pedro action, you know where to find me x

Dating your Dad’s best friend is hard. And stupid. Really, you have no clue why either of you thought this'd be a good idea. But you were so far down this path now, so entangled in late night meet-ups and whispered phone calls and unspoken thoughts that sounded a lot like ‘I love you’, that it was too late to turn around and steer the sinking ship of this utter mess back to shore.

More than anything, you hate not having any normalcy with him. You can’t fall straight into his arms after a hard day. You can’t cuddle into his side with a bowl of popcorn watching crappy weeknight telly. You can’t go to the store together, holding hands and making him laugh as you insist on buying a flavour of ice cream that you know he’d love. And it sucks.

Because everyone said Joel would never be one to settle down. He’s too wild, too rough to fit into a polished little box like that. And you’d thought the same. Until you fucked him, then fucked him again, and kept going back until you could see the pain in his eyes each time you left. You could practically feel the heaviness settle in his stomach as you left his bed to sneak back home. It hurts him as much as it does you, and if you weren’t so incredibly in love with him, that would’ve been enough to make you run.

Despite how long you’d kept this going now, a good 6 months at least, it never got any easier. Especially when your Dad started talking about dating. He was protective, but more than anything he wanted to see you happy. So when you suddenly became distant, hiding in your room more often and going out on dates much less, he was concerned. Nowhere near as concerned as he’d be if he found out why you were acting that way, you thought, but concerned all the same.

So when he came home one day, beaming and shouting for you to come downstairs, you thought nothing of it. When he explained there was a new apprentice at his work that he thinks you’d like, you weren’t surprised. And when he told you he’d set up a blind date with said boy, you felt sick.

Because you really couldn’t get out of it. You tried.

“Dad, I just don’t feel like dating right now.”

“Oh come on, you used to have a new date every few weeks. I’m just worried about you. Matthew's really nice, and he likes the same shitty music you do-”

“It’s good music.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I just…” he paused, his worry painted on his face, and there's no way you could’ve said no to him. “Honey, I want you to be happy. I don’t know what’s gotten into you recently” - your best friend, you thought - “but I just need to know you’re okay. So give this a go, for me, alright? And if you have an awful time, that’s it, I’ll never set you up again.”

You sighed. He was right; it’s just one night, one date. One box you have to tick to relieve the pressure that comes from having an affair with your next door neighbour, the one more than twice your age, the one your Dad would call a brother. And besides, your Dad would be working an overnight job, so you’d be spending the night at Joel’s anyway. Something to look forward to.

“Okay, yeah. I’ll go. For you.”

He pulled you in for a hug, tight, and you hugged him right back because you really do hate having to keep this from him. He pulled away, smiling - “great! It’s tonight at 7. He’ll pick you up.”

“You already arranged it?!” You near enough shrieked, but he’d already sauntered off to the kitchen, giggling as he went. 

Typical.

So that’s how you ended up here, at 6:55pm, waiting by the front door for Marcus - or Michael, or something like that - to pick you up. Your phone buzzes, Joel’s name flashing on the screen, that alone making you feel that much calmer.

You’d text him as soon as you talked to your Dad, letting him know about the date. He understood, and you loved that about him; he was mature, compassionate, and he was more than secure in the fact that no matter who you talked to, who flirted with you on nights out, who you were set up with… you’d always come back to him. 

Don’t worry about tonight, baby. It’ll go quickly. I’ll leave the door unlocked for when you get back. Text me if you need picking up. J x

You smile at his initial at the end - it’s such a Dad thing to do, but it makes you happy, especially when he adds a little kiss. He only does that for you.

The sudden sound of a car door closing snaps you out of your thoughts, Joel’s text left on read as what you assume to be your date heads up the driveway. You take a deep, nervous breath, smoothing out your dress and heading to the door just in time for his knock.

You open the door, take a good look at your date, and he’s… okay. Not unattractive, per se. Though you’d come to accept a little while ago that being with Joel had soured your perception of pretty much every other guy. His dusty blonde hair is slicked back with gel, his teeth are way too white, and he’s dripped in designer clothing that just screams, “I have a trust fund.”

“Oh, hi! I’m Matthew.” Right. Matthew. “You must be (Y/N).” He leans in to peck your cheek, and all you can think about is how smooth his skin is as it grazes yours. Nothing like Joel’s coarse stubble that you love so much - especially when it leaves red patches on your cheeks, and your neck, and if you’re really lucky -

Matthew leans back a little, confused, and you’re brought out of your daydream. “Sorry, yeah, that’s me. (Y/N).” 

Well, that was awkward.

You just need to get through these next few hours, you think to yourself, smiling at the boy and letting him lead you out of the house and into his car. You can’t help but glance towards Joel’s place across the street; it looks quiet tonight, though his truck is in the driveway, and as soon as you look up you’re sure you catch the living room blinds suddenly draw shut. You smirk.

──────

The date was going… okay. About as okay as a date you don’t want to be on, with someone you have no interest in, and another man constantly on your mind could go. You could see why your Dad liked him; smart enough, well-polished. His father was a partner in the company, you learned - oh, he’s a ‘Daddy’s credit card’ type you’d thought - and by all intents and purposes he was the sort of guy any parent would hope to see their daughter end up with.

It’s never that easy though, is it?

Because he isn’t rough around the edges like Joel. He doesn’t have his stature, or carry himself with the same brute certitude. You can’t imagine him fucking you up against the wall, working himself up until he’s almost animalistic, somehow using you and worshipping you at the same time. And you can’t see him wrapping you up so tightly afterwards, holding you close and whispering how good you were for me, how proud of you I am.

No, only Joel could do that, and that’s how you like it.

The bill comes, Matthew suggests you split it. You don’t mind. He takes out his credit card, flashing it in front of you. “This is my Dad’s. I can use it as much as I want.” He’s smirking like he’s got something to be proud of, and you really had to fight the urge to roll your eyes. Instead you just smile, before paying your share and making small talk as you head out the door and towards his car.

“So, I thought we could head back to my place.”

You freeze. Yeah, no, not gonna happen. He’s got this shit-eating grin on his face, one you knew all too well from past college boyfriends - that’s a boy who thinks he’s getting some tonight. You shudder, wrapping your arms around your waist and trying to sound sincere as you reply, “this has been lovely, but I’ve got an appointment early in the morning” - not really a lie, if staying in bed with a man over twice your age getting fucked or cuddled or both counts as an appointment - “so I’d rather just head home.”

You reach for the passenger side door, but it’s locked. You try again, pulling on the handle, but it doesn’t budge. You realise then that he’s stepped closer, too close, crowding your vision as you turn to face him while keeping one hand on the door’s handle. He leans an arm against the roof of the car, right beside your head, staring you down. 

“Oh, come on, (Y/N). I’ve got the house to myself tonight, it’ll just be us. I know that’s what you want, don’t be shy.”

His free hand pinches your chin, his touch aggressive where Joel’s is rough but careful, and he tries to close the already too-small gap between you.

You dodge him quickly, slipping out from under his arm and backing up, away from the car, away from him. Matthew just watches you, incredulous, before laughing to himself and taking a step forward. “Look, baby, I know you want this. What is it, are you scared your daddy’s gonna find out?”

“What? No, I-” you splutter, but he interrupts.

“Get in the car, (Y/N). You don’t have to worry about anyone finding out. I can see the way you look at me, I bet you’re dying to fu-”

A heavy sickness has flooded your stomach, your nerves shot from the sudden escalation of what was supposed to be a quiet, albeit tedious, night. But his words hit you, and before you can even think, you’re shouting back at him. 

“You seriously think I want to fuck you? You can’t even pay your half of the bill with your own money. Fuck that. I’ll make my own way home.”

The smug look on his face is quickly washed away with anger, and you continue to slowly step backwards as Matthew follows you. A lick of fear sets in now as the pale streetlights cast shadows on his darkened expression, and you scold yourself for opening your mouth.

“The fuck did you just say to me? Do you know who my Dad is?” - this really isn’t a good time to roll your eyes - “You think you’re too good for me, you bitch? I’ll show you.”

He stalks you, and your eyes frantically dart back to the restaurant you’d just left, though you’d backtracked far enough to be almost at the door again.

People are dining and laughing, some just sitting and watching the world go by. You’re well within their view, and you turn back to see that Matthew’s gaze has followed your own and he’s connected the dots. He can’t do anything in front of them. He locks eyes with you again, scoffing, heading back to his car and loudly shouting something that sounded a lot like “fuckin’ bitch.” Nice.

He drives away; you’re safe, out of the situation, and as the relief floods you the adrenaline does too and tears prick at your eyes. You sit on a small bench just outside the restaurant, dotted with shrubbery and stains from spilt drinks you assume, and take out your phone.

Your last chat with Joel is already open, and you breathe slowly in an attempt to still your shaking hands as you type quickly,

Please come and get me. He was trying to get me to go back with him. Wouldn’t take no for an answer. He’s gone now but I have no ride home.

The text is marked as ‘read’ almost as soon as you send it, though you receive no reply. You didn’t expect to; Joel wasn’t much of a texter. Like, at all. He was slowly getting used to it, what with it being one of the only ways you could really talk when slipping over to his place was too risky. 

In this particular instance, you already knew he’d have read the text, dropped his phone without a second thought and hurried to his truck while muttering to himself what he’s gonna do to the kid, how he won’t see what’s comin’ to him.

Just how badly Joel might react worries you. He’s protective, incredibly so when it comes to you, and that combined with his white hot temper was surely a recipe for some sort of disaster.

Secretly, though, you loved it. And so as you sat on that little bench, frosty air nipping at your skin, you couldn’t help but revel in the warmth that pooled in your core at the thought of what sort of beast Joel would become tonight.

──────

It only takes him around 10 minutes to reach you, and you know for a fact he must’ve ran a red light or two because normally it’s a 20 minute drive at least into town. You stand, walking over to his truck, but before you can hop in he’s already storming out and wrapping you up in his arms, shielding you, eyes darting across the street.

“Where the fuck is he?”

“Joel, I-”

“(Y/N) where the fuck is he? I’m gonna kill that little bastard. Fucking-”

His body is tense, far more so than usual, and anger pours from him in buckets. You pull away to look up at him, his eyes still searching for the boy long gone, and you sigh. “He’s gone, Joel. He left.”

He finally meets your eyes, a cold frown etched on his face, and he somehow looks even angrier than usual. “Did he touch you?” His hands roam your body, searching for you didn’t know what, but you let him do whatever he needed to relax. To know you were safe.

“No, Joely, he didn’t. I’m fine, I promise.”

It usually softens him right up, your little nickname for him. Joely. The first few times you used it, he’d just scoff or roll his eyes, but the small smirk that crept onto his face each time let you know he loved it. Quite how much he loved it was a different story; you hadn’t got together then, though the both of you wanted it, and as your relationship blossomed you became the only one he ever let call him anything other than Joel.

It doesn’t work this time, though, and he remains stern, finally letting you go and searching your eyes for even a hint of anxiety or fear. “What happened?”

“He tried it on, I said no. He tried again, I backed up and made sure there were people watching,” you nod towards the restaurant, still bustling with life. “And he left.”

Joel nods. “You tell him to fuck off?”

“‘Course i did.” 

It seems as if he finally lets up then, giving you a proper hug, one arm around your neck and the other around your waist. He presses a kiss to the top of your head, hard, and the tension leaves him. “That’s my girl.”

You squeeze him tight, burrowing into his shirt and inhaling the scent of him that you loved so much. With one arm around your shoulders, he guides you back to his truck, opening the door for you and helping you. He does it everytime, but it still makes you blush, and you’re sure his lips smirk slightly as your cheeks turn red. Worth it.

The ride back to home is quiet, only the sound of his radio and passing traffic echoing between you. He keeps a hand on your knee, always protective, and every now and then you rub your palm over it to let him know you appreciate it. To say thank you.

Joel was never good with words, and you’d learned over the last few months just how much he relies on touch to express himself. To show love. You’d picked up on his habits, his little signs, his way of telling you his deepest thoughts without having to speak a word.

And when you reciprocated, when you wrapped your hand around his, or brushed his side at the neighbours’ BBQ, or kissed his shoulder in the kitchen, you knew just what it meant to him.

Your driveway is empty as Joel turns onto your street - your Dad must have set off for work already. You sigh in relief; you didn’t have the energy to explain all this to him, and certainly not the energy to try and sneak into Joel’s without him seeing.

Joel steps out first, taking a quick look around to make sure no nosey neighbours were watching, a precaution you were both used to by now. He grabs the door for you again, holding your hand and helping you out, holding you close to his side as he unlocks the door and you both slip inside.

“What do you want to drink?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

He pauses, looking at you, concerned. ”No. You need somethin’ to drink. You need to- to lie down, or somethin’.”

You follow him into the kitchen as he stalks past you, not giving you time to answer and filling a glass with water and ice. “Drink,” he hands it to you.

You take it, thanking him and sipping as he watches. It’s sweet; he cares about you, so much, and when he looks at you like this you can’t help but feel butterflies swirl in your stomach.

“I’m sorry.” It’s almost a whisper, so quiet you wouldn’t have heard if it weren’t so still already in his house.

“Hm?” You look at him, confused.

“I’m sorry he did that to you. S’not - s’not right. I mean, shit, what if you couldn’t get away?” He was spiralling.

“Hey, hey. Joel, it’s okay. I’m okay.” You set down the glass and take him in your arms. He calms, instantly, holding you tightly against him and cupping the back of your head with his hand.

“You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

“I know.”

He sighs. “I just wanna protect you, honey.”

“I know.”

He pulls back to look at you, framing your face with his hands and running his thumbs along the edge of your cheekbones.  You lean in, letting his lips capture yours in that sweet but desperate way that only Joel can, and moan into his mouth. He slips his tongue against yours, letting one arm fall to your waist as his hand lingers around the hem of your jeans.

The kiss becomes desperate and you reach for his belt, your arousal becoming unbearable as the memory of him so full of anger and protectiveness spins in your mind like a carousel. He breaks the kiss and you groan, chasing his swollen lips with yours.

“We don’t have to do this.” His southern drawl is slick with need, his eyes closed as he rests his forehead against yours. The moment is so sweet, so intimate, that any thoughts of what had happened today were long gone and your mind was full with sweepings of him.

“I want to.”

He grunts, pushing himself further into you so his nose brushes yours like a cat. So much so, you almost purr into him, and it makes you giggle. You curse yourself as he pulls back, cocking an eyebrow and giving you that stare you’d come to know all too well; you’re a pain in my ass, it says. But the corners of his lips turn upwards, and you step forward so you’re once again pressed right up against him, pressing gentle kisses to his jaw.

“You’ve had a big shock today, sweetheart,” he sighs.

You know he’s given up. You know he needs this as much as you do. But you humour him, and tip his head down so you can kiss his lips again. 

“So make me forget.”

It snaps something within him, and you shriek as Joel sweeps you up in his arms, your legs wrapping around his waist in instinct and your head burying itself in his neck. He laughs at the sound you make, something you’d always known to be so rare for him, but that he does far more often now he has you. 

He carries you upstairs, gripping your thighs with his large hands, and the way he holds you so easily just turns you on more. He kicks his bedroom door open, all but throwing you on the bed and watching as you bounced softly on the sheets, undoing his belt that was already half-opened by your shaky hands.

“On your back. Lay your head towards me.”

You did as he said immediately, though your movements were slow, languid. He let you take your time; a part of you thinks he likes to watch you move for him, the way you put on a show, keeping your eyes locked on his and your lips slightly parted and puffy from his kiss. 

You lie on your back, your head dangling off the edge, looking up at him upside down. The hard outline of his cock is just centimetres above you, swollen already, and your desperation to taste it must’ve shown on your face because Joel groans out a soft, strangled “fuck.”

“You need this cock, baby? Need your throat fucked?” You just nod rapidly, desperate for him to do something other than just stand there and watch you, your arousal becoming unbearable. Joel seems to break, too, pulling down his jeans and boxers and gripping his hard length in his hands. 

It’s big at the best of times, but from this angle, his balls level with your eyes and his cock the only thing you can see when you look up at him, it’s painful how bad you need him.

You’d only discovered this position recently, on a night you’d spent at his place while your Dad was away with work, not unlike tonight. Joel had been floored, consumed with pleasure as the stretch of your spine made it so easy for him to slide himself through your mouth and down your throat, the muscles tensing around him and drawing his release much sooner than he’d have liked. 

He slides the head of his cock over your lips, painting them in his precum. You whine, lapping at his taste, desperate but you know better than to lift your hands off the bed. No, you give him control, and he lavishes it.

“Open up, babygirl.”

You comply, parting your lips and moaning as Joel pushes inside, giving you no time to breathe. You try to control yourself, inhaling through your nose and letting your muscles relax before he bottoms out, his groin almost entirely covering your face and your throat full of his thickness. 

It’s filthy, degrading, resigns you to nothing but his to fuck and use as he wants. 

You love it.

“Such a good girl, baby. So good for me, ain’t ya?” You can hardly even nod as your tongue flicks along a particularly swollen vein. He begins to move, pulling out almost entirely before slamming his cock back into your mouth. You moan again, and it hurts, in that delectable way that’ll spend the next few days reminding you of this moment.

Joel’s got one hand on the wooden foot of the bed, keeping himself steady. The other finds its way to your neck, and he stalls as he feels his cock beneath your skin, rapidly pushing in and out. He moans your name, his hips rocking into you harder and harder, chasing a release you knew he wouldn’t let himself have just yet. 

You’re completely at his mercy now, too consumed by his scent and his touch to think, and you hardly register him reaching for your hand and taking it in his own. He starts to mumble, and you only catch a few words - “my good girl. My girl. So- so fuckin’ pretty for me.”

He swells, your tongue working faster against him, his hand squeezing yours and his legs faltering when he suddenly pulls out and stands back with a whimper. Your eyes are glazed over, your sore throat misses him, and your pink swollen lips are trying to say something but you’re not sure what. It feels like his name.

“Come on, pretty girl, come here.” He sits beside you on the edge of the bed, wrapping his big arms around your back and guiding you into his lap. 

His fingers dance over your entrance, collecting the slick that soaked your thighs before pushing a single finger inside, revelling in your arousal. He admires you as you squirm, rolling your hips against his hand, desperate for more and moaning against his lips. 

It’s almost embarrassing how easy you unravel for him, and if it weren’t for your utter infatuation for the man, you’d have hidden your pleasure and at least tried to hold onto some sense of dignity. But you were obsessed, addicted to him, and he knew it. Because god, was he addicted to you, too.

He kisses you, letting another finger slip inside and catching your hiss with his mouth. “So fuckin’ perfect,” he mutters, opening his eyes to look at you, his cock twitching against your thigh. 

“Tell me what you need, angel.”

“Y- you, Joel. I need you. Please.” You hardly register yourself saying the words, but they do the trick, as Joel removes his fingers and instead lines the tip of his cock with your soaking wet entrance. 

“Please, please, fuck me. Fuck-” 

He snaps his hips upwards, driving his cock into your cunt and you gasp as he stretches you. You grip at his shoulders, sure to leave marks, but you know he loves it. 

He sets the pace, guiding you to bounce on his cock as his hips snap upwards again and again, fucking you so hard you can almost see stars. 

His head is buried in your neck, kissing and nipping at the delicate skin, and you try to regain some autonomy and roll your hips side to side making him mewl. 

“So - oh, fuck - so good baby, keep doin’ that.” He spurs you on as your breathless moans and the heavy slap of skin on skin fills the room, lewd but addictive.

The pace is brutal, unforgiving as your thighs tremble and you wonder if he’s feeling the burn of his movements. If he does, he doesn’t show it, just ramming into you and moaning your name against your ear. 

His hand falls from your waist and finds its way to your clit, making you gasp as he circles his thumb around the spot. The near pornographic moan that falls from his lips as you roll into his touch is nearly enough to make you cum right there, but you know better than to cum before he tells you to.

Instead he hoists you further up, giving him better control of your hips, and angles his cock so it hits that perfectly raw spot deep inside you that has tears in your eyes.

“I- I’m gonna-” 

“I know, baby. Just hold on for me. I’ve got you.��� You cry at his denial, though it’s quickly forgotten as he flips you over onto your back, his head still tucked under the crook of your neck, his cock still buried inside you. He resumes his fast pace, reaching even deeper inside you with your legs locked around his waist, and you moan so loudly you worry someone’s going to hear you.

Joel doesn’t seem to care as he pulls back to look at you, marvelling at how utterly fucked-out you look for him. His pace starts to falter, each thrust more desperate than the last, and he frantically pushes his tongue into your mouth as you moan in unison.

“Cum for me baby, cum all over my cock, that’s it.” You release on command, crying out as waves of pleasure spread like fire through your body, and the uncontrollable spasms of your orgasm make Joel groan as he spills inside you, still rocking into you and carrying both of your highs.

He doesn’t let his cock slip out of you as he wraps an arm under your back and rolls onto his side, holding you close as he brushes the matted hair away from your forehead and replaces it with a soft kiss. You hum, snuggling into him and trying not to gasp at the feeling of his cock inside you while you were still so sensitive. He can see you flinch and smiles, though he just wants you to rest for now.

“You okay, babygirl?” You just hum again, but he taps your chin and you look up. 

“Answer me, angel.”

“I’m good. Tired.”

Joel nods, running his hand through your hair and agreeing, “me too.” 

You’re quiet for a moment, almost dozing off as the heat that radiates from him lulls you gently to seep, when he breaks the silence again. “What’s his name?”

“Hm?” You reply, too fucked-out to really understand what he was saying.

“That little asshole. What’s his name?”

He’s looking down at you, brows knitted together, and you just sigh. “It doesn’t matter, Joel. He doesn’t matter. I promise.”

“But-“

You cut him off with a kiss, and the tension that built in his shoulders is quickly dissipated. “No ‘but’s. Get some sleep.”

“Aright,” he resigns. “I love you.”

It slips out, sudden, and he freezes before he realises the joy that’s spread across your face from his words. It’s the first time either of you have said it, and the way your eyes light up are enough to let him die a happy man. You nuzzle his nose, your hand gently lay on his chest, your eyes falling shut again. “I love you too, Joel.” He wraps you up tighter, grinning, happy. In love.. “And no asking my Dad, either.”

He scoffs, “I wasn’t going to!” You just cock a brow, eyes still shut, and though you can’t see him you know he’s rolling his eyes. “Let me get you cleaned up, sweetheart.” 

He pulls out of you slowly, making you wince at the loss, and sits up on the bed. When you can still feel his weight beside you, you crack an eye open to see him quickly typing something on his phone, and you frown. “Joel?”

He startles and drops his phone, turning to you and kissing the top of your head. “Sorry, baby, I’m going - just gimme a sec to get you a warm cloth.”

As he leaves for the bathroom you snatch his phone, already knowing what he’d done. Your Dad’s name is at the top of the screen, the chat from just moments ago still open:

What’s the name of that kid (Y/N) went out with?

Matthew Wicks, he’s the new apprentice at work. Why?

Just wondered.

You’re weird, man.

Joel creeps out of the bathroom, frozen as he sees you lock his phone. He offers a small, guilty smile, quickly wiped away as you grab his pillow and playfully launch it at his chest. 

“JOEL!”

──────

Thank you so much for reading! As ever, comments and weblogs are so appreciated, and please let me know if you'd like to be tagged in my future fics!

[ladymazzy]

Can't help but feel that they absolutely *know* that state schools have neither the capacity nor the resources to fulfil such whimsical demands.... which would of course impact individual schools ofsted ratings, which would make them ripe for becoming part of an academy chain

Of which more than a few are led by tory associates

More insane distraction tactics from the captain of a sinking ship.

[cjhern1109]

What if Alphys managed to successfully create a multiverse-teleporting devise? And what if Toriel somehow got her fluffy little hands on said devise by “accident”? Now, she uses it to jump and explore some of her potential grandkids in her universe?

Poor Alphys now has to deal with a crazed shipping goat mom running wild in the multiverse while trying to get her back to their universe before anyone finds out 🤣

I’ll will admit that this has been rotting in my mind since Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse came out forever ago…😅

Came up with several funny/bittersweet ideas in how FS!Tori will meet said frans kids and their interactions together…idk if I’ll still do it but yeah, I just might in the coming new year 💜

…I may or may not also have a sequel poster design for Toriel: Across the Fransverse 💀

Spoiler ahead, Alphys isn’t the only one wanting her return~

Frans Shipper Toriel belongs to @jjaydazo

Elys and Arno belongs to @shayromi

Fran, Sarik, and Sink belongs to @alanitaperez

Roman belongs to @semisolidmind (sorry, I know that you don’t do frans art anymore, but thought it might be interesting to add him to the mix, let me know if it bothers you)

Emily belongs to @violaartist

Myriad, Serif, and Fontaine belongs to me

Axetale Aliza belongs to @uhhbananafrappe

[sortyourlifeoutmate]

There's probably some value in being gracious in accepting those from across the aisle when they choose to swap over, but there's also something to be said for how all of these Tories are only now noticing what a shit job has been going on and are only now outraged and appalled.

You know, when it's obvious they're about to lose.

Sorry, we don't accept rats from sinking ships. Fuck off.

[tinycoded360]

Lilliputian Adventure Chapter 4-The Roommate

Tori carried in a big stack of packages. Each, holding a model ship for her tiny friends. She hoped one of them would be able to handle the ocean tides.

Tori opened each box and set the toy ships and fancy models down for the tiny crew to look over. She had been careful and picked out ones that were made to go on water, and some even had functional parts.

Mavri looked over the giant toys with a keen eye. She didn’t like what she saw. These would not be seaworthy.

Fildor could also tell that these would not last long, and stirring them would be difficult. Fildor started looking at the items in a new light. Thoughts on how to modify the crafts to make them seaworthy.

 Telwin could tell his captain and first officer were not impressed with the offerings, but not wanting their giant hostess to be hurt or offended, he offered her one of his charming smiles. “These are wonderful, Tori! But would it be possible for us to test these out? After all, we don’t want to sink out there in the ocean.”

“Oh! Um……. let me see…...I think…..maybe if you want…..you can come home with me for break? My parents have a pool; we can test it out there,” Tori suggested. Her tone was timid but eager to help. She looked down shyly at them.

Before any of the Lilliputians could respond, the doorknob to Tori’s room rattled. Tori's roommate burst into the room before Tori could protest or the Lilliput crew could run and hide.

“You gotta see this! Tori’s roommate exclaimed, not caring that Tori had asked to be left alone and not to disturb her without knocking. Tori cursed herself once again that the bedroom door didn’t have functional locks.

Her roommate’s eyes were wide with surprise as she spotted the tiny people and toy ships scattered across the floor. "What the……...are you playing dolls?” Her roommate snickered, “Is that why you didn’t want to be disturbed?”

“YES! Leave Trina, NOW!” Tori yells, scrambling to her feet, not caring that she raised her voice. Her cheeks blush a deep red in embarrassment, and she tries to push her roommate out of the room.

Trina had a much more athletic build than Tori and quickly pushed Tori out of the way. “Naw, I wanna see your dolls.” Trina continued to laugh, seeing that this got a reaction out of Tori, only encouraged her to keep teasing her shy roommate.

As Trina bent down to pick up one of the tiny ‘dolls,’ the frozen spell that had gripped the Lilliputian crew broke. They all scattered like leaves in the wind.

“What the fuck!” Trina gasped in shock before trying to catch one of the tiny people running from her.

Mavri darted behind Tori’s desk chair leg, her heart pounding against her ribs. This human was not like Tori - her eyes held a dangerous, greedy glint, a look that reminded her too much of another cruel giant. Mavri, thinking fast, bolted to the wall and shimmed up the cord connecting to the desk lamp.

Trina crouched down, her gaze darting back and forth as she tried to track the miniature people's movements. "Come here, you little things," she cooed, her voice dripping with false sweetness. "I just want to get a closer look..."

“Trina! Leave them alone! You can’t go grabbing them! They’re people!” Tori yelled again, pulling on her roommate’s arm, trying to get her to leave.

Trina scoffed. "They're not people, Tori. I'll do whatever I want with them. Now let go; you’re letting them get away!"

"No!" Tori said firmly, pushing herself in front of her roommate, putting herself between Trina and the Lilliputians. Giving Fildor, Silvo, and Linric time to shimmy under Tori’s bed, out of reach of grasping giant hands.

Trina's eyes narrowed, and she took a step closer to Tori, her voice rising with each word. "You can't be serious! They're just tiny little creatures, and you're choosing them over me, your own roommate?"

Tori stood her ground, her heart pounding in her chest. She hated confrontation, but she knew she couldn't back down.

Trina scoffed, throwing her hands up in frustration. "I can't believe this! You're being ridiculous, Tori. They're not even human! I bet just one of them would pay for all of college. Can’t you see that they’ll make us rich!”

"I'm not asking for your opinion, Trina. I'm telling you how it's going to be. And you need to leave them alone and get OUT of my room!” Tori stammered out, her hands trembled, and her heart raced, but she refused to back down.

Trina's eyes narrowed, her lips pressed into a thin line as she considered Tori’s words.

“Fine. I’ll just take what I want, then.” Before Tori could react, Trina curled her hand into a fist and drove her fist into Tori’s belly, knocking the wind out of her and causing Tori to crumble to the ground. Tori curled up on her side in the fetal position, trying to catch her breath.

“THAT’S NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY!” A tiny voice yelled out.

Trina turned, spotting Telwin peeking out from behind Tori’s nightstand.

Trina scoffed at the miniature man. “What? Are you her tiny boyfriend or something? OOOH, maybe you’re her little special toy. Do you please her?” Trina mocked.

Telwin scowled. “You need to leave.”

Trina laughed. “Are you gonna make me little man? Now let me get a look at you.”

Telwin scrambled back as Trina moved in his direction. Her longer stride took her to his location in the blink of an eye. She was faster than she looked, her giant hand reaching down and snatching him up.

Trina grinned at her tiny catch. She marveled at his tiny form and how she was holding an entire man in her fist. She walked over to Tori’s desk, leaning against it. She paid Tori no mind, not seeing her as a threat; she could easily take her weaker roommate on. Tori still lay crumbled on the ground.

Trina turned the struggling man this way and that. Examining his tiny features. “You know, you’re kinda cute; maybe I’ll keep you for myself. Doesn’t that sound nice, you wanna be my tiny toy little man?”

Mavri's heart pounded as she dashed across the hardwood of the desk, her tiny feet barely making a sound. She spotted a discarded toothpick near the mouse pad and snatched it up, wielding it like a sword. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.

Without hesitation, Mavri charged forward with lightning speed. She leaped onto Trina's hand, the one resting on the edge of the desk, and with all her might, she plunged the toothpick into the soft flesh between Trina's thumb and forefinger.

Trina yelped in pain and jerked her hand back, releasing her captive. Telwin tumbled through the air. He bounced off of Trina’s leg, breaking his fall. He rolled to a stop on the ground. He groaned and struggled to get back onto his feet.

Fildor darted out from under the bed. He ran to Telwin, helping the younger man to his feet and lugging him to safety under the giant bed.

"You little bitch!" Trina snarled, her eyes flashing with rage.

Mavri tumbled back down to the desk; the toothpick still clutched in her hand. She scrambled to her feet, ready to fight, but Trina was already looming over her, her face twisted with fury.

Trina reached down and flicked Mavri, causing the tiny captain to be flung backward. The force of the flick caused her to let go of her tiny wooden weapon. Mavri didn’t have much time before giant fingers plucked her up.

Trina dangled Mavri before her angry face. Mavri’s right leg was held between Trina’s thumb and forefinger.

“I should crush you. I don’t think I need all of you to get rich.” Trina growled. She found she loved the rush of power. “Or…...you know….maybe I should eat you. After all, you’re just a bug.” Trina moved Mavri up higher, dangling her over her head. She grinned as the tiny lady started struggling more and cursing at her.

“W-w—wait!” Tori yelled, struggling to her feet. “Um…..you were right!” Tori stammered out.

Trina lowered her hand, holding her tiny captive. “What?” She asked Tori in confusion.

“I mean……they could make us rich. I just didn’t want to-to—to share…. but we could split it 50/50. But if you kill one, it won’t be even.”

Trina looked at Tori like she was an idiot. “What’s stopping me from just taking them and doing what I want…...you can’t stop me…. also, I only saw like five of them.”

“What? No there’s six little people……...also you scared all of them into hiding. They trust me……it will be easier if you let me calm them down.” Tori replied.

“Hmmmm, again, I bet I could just scare them out or just move furniture.”

“But you risk hurting one or killing them. I look, I’ll admit I didn’t really know who to tell about them or where to go to……sell them. But maybe we could work together?”

Trina looked Tori up and down in consideration. “Hmmm, only if we go 75/25 on profits, and I get the short blond hair, dude.”

Tori tensed at the mention of Telwin. “Fine.” Tori hissed through gritted teeth.

Trina grinned. “Awesome, I’ll look up some clients for us. You get our little money makers all packed up.”

“Wait!” Tori called as Trina turned to the door. “Give me that one y-y—you have, um…..it will break their trust if they see one of their own missing.”

Trina glanced from Tori to her tiny wiggling captive between her fingers. “Sure, think fast!” With that, Trina tossed Mavri to Tori.

Tori shouted in surprise but cupped her hands together and managed to catch the tiny captain's small form.

Trina laughed as she shut the door.

Tori stood shaking in the middle of her room. Tori’s face crumpled as she looked down at the red-headed woman cupped between her hands. Her lips trembled, and her eyes teared up.

“I’m s-s—so sorry!” Tori stammered.

Mavri gave a shrug. “I don’t know how your ‘friend’ believed you. You’re a terrible liar.”

“Oh god! I’m glad you don’t think I’m a monster! I’m sorry! I had to say those awful things…... I didn’t know how to get her to leave!” Tori stammered on the verge of crying.

“Hey, Hey now…..you did good, thank you for that…..but you need to calm down. How are we going to get past you, lovely friend out there? I doubt she’ll let us hole up here.”

“I…..” Tori took a deep breath. “Okay, O-ok, I got this. Um, can you get everyone to come out? We’ll just have to leave.” Tori glanced at her bedroom window, a plan forming in her mind. Tori gently set her hands down on the ground, letting Mavri hop off.

Tori watched as Mavri disappeared under the bed. She grabbed her car keys, phone, wallet, and laptop and started stuffing items into her backpack. She grabbed a hoodie and pulled it over her head. She slung her pack over her shoulders and turned to the crew of Lilliputians by her bed.

“Ok…..Um…..if it’s alright with you all, um… you can ride in my hoodie pocket. I’ll climb out the window to get to my car. I’ll drive us to my parents’ house. We can crash there for now.” Tori fidgeted nervously as she spoke. She felt so scared that Trina would return. She never imagined that she would turn violent.

“Well, we can’t stay here. I’m trusting you to get my crew to safety, Tori.” Mavri called up to Tori.

Tori tried not to tremble too much as the Lilliputians climbed into her offered hands. She carefully brought her cupped hands to the opening of her hoodie pocket. One by one the Lilliputians hopped off and into her pocket. She could feel them nestled close to her middle.

With shaky hands, Tori lifted her window open slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible.

She carefully climbed down and dropped down to the driveway. From there, her nerves broke, and she sprinted as fast as she could to her car. She fumbled with her keys. She yanked the car door open just as she heard the front door to the apartment slam open. She slid into the driver’s seat and fumbled to get her key into the ignition. She vaguely saw the angry form of her roommate Trina running to her car. Trina looked pissed and armed with a baseball bat. Tori managed to turn the engine on and throw her car into reverse.

*SMASH*

*CRACK*

“AHHHHHH!” Tori screamed as the windshield of her car cracked because of the impact of the bat. Tori slammed down on the accelerator with her bare foot. Her car zoomed back. Tori came to a jolting stop as she changed the gear into drive. Tori yanked on the stirring wheel and drove as fast as she could, avoiding her enraged roommate.

Tori drove for hours, taking an alternative route and changing it as she went. She was terrified that Trina would follow. Tori thought about stopping multiple times but pushed on. She stopped once, texting a quick message to her parents. Letting them know she was heading in their direction.  She’d feel safe once she got to her parents’ home.

Tori pulled up to her parents’ home. It was evening and growing dark. She noticed their cars were gone. They must have been out for dinner or some other outing. Tori looked at her phone and sighed in relief. Her mom replied, saying they were out watching a movie, but she was welcome to let herself in.

Tori let herself in, finding the spare key under a potted plant near the front door. She locked the door behind her. Still feeling nervous and scared. She felt like a little kid wanting her parents home to protect her.

Tori made her way up to her room. She quickly let the tiny people in her pocket out.

“I’m so sorry about all that. But…..we should be safe here.”

“And we appreciate everything you’ve done,” Fildor replied. The rest of the lilliputians chimed in with encouragement. Tori felt guilty that they felt the need to reassure her. But their kind words eased the tight coil of fear and anxiety in her heart.

Tori flopped on her old bed and curled up in a ball. She grimaced, realizing she would have to call in sick. Break didn’t start for another two days.

Tori peeked open an eye, feeling a presence near her head. She jerked back in surprise to find Telwin standing right before her.

Tori gently closed her fingers around Telwin, cradling him in the warmth of her palm as she sat up and brought him close to her face. "I'm so sorry about what happened with Trina," she whispered, her voice heavy with regret. "I never imagined she'd react like that."

Telwin shifted in her hand, his tiny fingers gripping the creases of her skin for balance. "It's not your fault, Tori," he said, his voice soft but resolute. "You couldn't have known."

"I'm still sorry about all this," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "You didn't deserve any of that terror.”

"Don’t apologize," Telwin replied with a gracious nod, his bright blue eyes locking onto hers. "You did the best you could. Now I’m safe in the palm of a beautiful giant." His words were light and playful as if he could sense the tension that needed to be broken.

Tori couldn't help the smile that graced her lips, her gaze lingering on Telwin's miniature features. He was undeniably handsome, with a roguish charm. There was something about the way his sandy hair fell into his eyes, the impish twinkle that danced within them—If only he were my size...

Chapter 5

[duskodair]

it's very interesting to see Americans trying to idealise the recent UK election. I've seen a couple of posts like "everyone got together and tactically voted the right wing party out!" and "this is what we need to emulate in November". And ummmm, I don't know how to tell you this but that's not what happened.

This election wasn't a great success for Labour, as I've seen depicted. This election was the Tories shitting the bed after 14 years of bullshit rule. Labour only got 33.3% of the actual vote, only an increase of 1.6% of what they received last election (where they were trounced). The Tories, on the other hand, saw their vote share fall by 19.9%.

The Tories went into the election already defeated. Their government ministers have been quitting and retiring for months (because you're limited on the jobs you can get within six months of leaving government). The rats left the sinking ship. Elmo usually runs against the incumbent prime minister. He ran against Keir Starmer (labour leader), instead.

This wasn't an election for voting tactically, this was an election where we knew the Tories were out. We knew we were getting Labour. It was a game of 'who can we get in instead?'. The Greens got a record breaking 4 seats, the Lib Dems soared, we got independent candidates in.

But the Tory vote went somewhere, and it wasn't all to the left. The Reform Party (right wing scumbags) picked up 5 seats with 14.3% of the national vote (compare that to Labour's 412 seats and their vote share quickly). Their campaign was designed to lure in the dispossessed voters, and they aimed to take working class and Brexit voting seats (which they will now likely abuse for 5 years).

This election sees trust in politics at an extreme low. People didn't come out to vote. People didn't vote for more Tory bullshit. The Tories have broken any trust they may have had, so their vote left them, or it didn't come out at all.

Americans, this is not what you're looking to emulate. Your Republicans have not been in power solidly for the last 14 years, having scandal after scandal after scandal, speedrunning through prime ministers. They are not the Tories, and your voting system is not ours. The Tories tripped and fell into the grave that they dug for themselves. You cannot expect Trump to be so courteous.

[leohtttbriar]

🛼 🍄 🌿

hi!

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

i do in fact have several im working at the same time so here's a t'pura one: ✉️✍️🧠🗣️💆‍♀️

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

since you and i share in the collective madness of watching cobra kai, i simply have to share that i think the second sam and tory stop being dicks to each other, they go to the beach and get caught up in a game of ultimate and it becomes uncomfortably competitive after about thirty seconds. it's like top gun volleyball only they're actually getting hurt and no one is having a good time. afterwards they make pink lemonade. both these things in this single day define who they are for the rest of their silly lives.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

oh man okay i guess my best advice would be if you feel stuck stop trying to figure stuff out? there's a lot about writing that makes you feel like you're in mud and it's just getting thicker. sometimes you just gotta be artax and sink into the swamp. then remind yourself you're a person not a thing with fingers that types. go on a walk or make some cookies. pick something else you have the energy to write and write that instead.

unless you're a professional writer who has a for real deadline (which i am not lol), there's no use to opening up a draft and being disappointed in yourself. if a story isn't working for you, close it. if a scene is feeling impossible to get through, skip to the next page and start writing the next one. eventually you'll be able to figure out why those things aren't working but in the meantime, be creative in a different way. even just doing the dishes, reorganizing your bedroom, putting your hair in braids, or watching a movie can make everything feel not like mud.

[generalelectionmusings]

[tomorrowusa]

It's difficult to imagine a worse start to Rishi Sunak's campaign for the July 4th general election in the UK.

He made the announcement of the upcoming election outdoors in pouring rain and without benefit of either raincoat or umbrella. By the time he completed his remarks he looked like he had taken a shower with all his clothes on. And during his announcement an anti-Brexit activist down the street used a sound system to blast the Labour Party's 1997 election theme song "Things Can Only Get Better" so that everybody outside 10 Downing Street could easily hear it.

Then, after taking a day or so to dry off, Sunak visited a brewery in Wales where he made a gaffe related to the Wales national football team.

Rishi Sunak scores own goal at Welsh brewery with gaffe over national team’s Euros absence

Rishi then headed off to Northern Ireland. In Belfast, he conducted a photo op at one of the most inauspicious places in the city – the site where the doomed luxury passenger ship the RMS Titanic was built.

Sunak's election tour branded shambolic after Titanic Quarter visit inspires sinking ship comparison As James McCarthy from BelfastLive reports, Rishi Sunak was visiting the Titanic Quarter in Belfast this morning. This is what happened when Sunak was asked if he was captain of a sinking ship. [ ... ] While harmless on their own, the danger with incidents like this is that quite quickly they enable the media (or at least those parts of the media that aren’t slavishly loyal to the Tories) to establish a ‘loser narrative’, and once that’s in place, it can be near impossible to shift. What then happens is that every trivial mishap gets reported as a campaign calamity. There is some evidence that Sunak is getting stuck with this label already. His ‘things can only get wetter’ election announcement was as a genuine presentational disaster, and two of the most memorable things that happened on day one (yesterday) were a Euros gaffe in Wales, and a Q&A with workers that was not quite what it seemed. Labour mocked both of these in a vicious campaign video last night.

While every campaign has its gaffes, few campaigns make them semi-predictable events. And when they are clustered close to the start of a campaign, it becomes difficult to change the narrative.

[birdsthatsingaftermidnight]

UK Politics (24/05/24)

70 plus Tory MPs have indicated that they won't be standing at the next election, including sad Two-Time Attempted PM Michael Gove.

Rats, sinking ships, etc.

[c-kiddo]

how do u feel abought scotland's independense bein shot down by westminster?? i m very sad about it

we need to guy fawkes this shit fr . .. .. . .. .

(seriously though, absolutely bizarre that scotland has to ask the UK for an independence referendum from the people we're tryin tae get away from. wild as well bc the scottish government, while it isnt perfect, is actually trying to make good changes, nicola sturgeon is pushing for trans rights and gender self identification to be available, for example, but we're tied to a sinking tory ship thats made heating too expensive to turn on. also, based when she said she detests the tories and made them all mad lol)

[stone-monkey]

In the UK at the moment, it's really fucking funny watching the Tory rats leaving the sinking ship.