#the tl;dr is me and doggos are fine

[greyias]

Heads up for my Twitch folk

No stream tomorrow night because *drumroll* I have no power and internet. So we'll have to pick up (hopefully 🤞🤞🤞) next week with Avery and the Diplomatic Corps of Tir Fradi.

[thygoddessouijathicc]

Steven is in fact canonically gay! (Aka Ouija fangirling over a character she likes because people don’t talk enough about him and I’ll take any excuse)

So this post isn’t meant to attack anyone I’m fine do what you want. It’s more because I’ve noticed a lot of people saying Steven is bi or stuff and I’m thinking it’s because they aren’t aware. Which is fair because it’s not really a widely known fact.

Everyone knows that Doggo confirmed Dave and Jack to be bi/pan but they don’t know in the same post he also stated the canon (or at least his headcanon which I take as canon because he’s the creator) sexualities for Peter, Dee, Henry, and Steven. Peter being Straight, Dee being a child and thus too young to tell, Henry being straight (although I have heard from a few sources he was originally stated to be bi and Doggo was bullied into going back on it by the fandom which if that’s true, Henry is in fact bi but no one has ever provided any proof so I tend to go bi and female leaning/closeted) and Steven who is gay.

Steven being gay has been mentioned before and actually was going to be mentioned in the game but didn’t fit into dialogue easily. Steven had a boyfriend when he was alive.

I think there’s two places people get confused on this 1, these are old Doggo posts and I think people just listen to word of mouth and only know the Dave and Jack confirmed sexualities and NOT that Doggo did this for other characters. The other place is Steven’s “wife”. He didn’t actually have one.

Phones are given a fake family photo consisting of a few children and a wife who is also a phone. Which also I recall in the lore but I can’t remember exactly is in itself proof it’s not real because I recall Rebecca being mentioned as the only phone gal? But I don’t know actually if you know more please tell me this could be a Mandela effect thing.

Steven’s wife was in fact never real, it’s part of a character. In the game Scott was a real person but he was also made into somewhat of a character by the company. Steven was given a fake wife despite being gay because he wouldn’t fit the Scott role if he had a husband. Which by the way is an interesting idea to tackle in a fic of Steven’s sexuality actively being repressed by the company I may do something with that someday. He is my favourite character.

TL;DR: Steven is canonically gay but it’s kinda buried on Doggos blog and people don’t talk as much about it, Steven had a boyfriend. Steven’s wife is not real she’s basically just part of the Scott backstory, and I think Steven is a character people don’t talk enough about so I mostly wanted an excuse to talk about my boi.

[takumitsukishima]

An independent Cat!

Oil Pastel art~

Heavy inspiration from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWJ-GpgbcoQ 

TL;DR: I was depressed cause of some stuff. So I made this.

Long time ago some one told me that I suck at using oil pastels and crayons in general. Now, while I was cleaning my room I found this textured paper book which had oil pastel tips on it. So I decided I was going to redeem myself as a token for growing out of that heart break. I wanted to celebrate independence and the colour scheme and cats in Art arena’s video just clicked perfectly. 

Some people don’t understand cats, and want them to be like doggos. That’s fine but I find solitude fun just like cats are. So I drew a day in life of a cat!

[hcpefulmarshmallow]

Hc: In this blog’s fine tradition of taking inconsequential lines and running with them, I just want to take a moment to discuss this gem here, because the implications are precious.

 During island mode, if you choose to visit the movie theater, a potential dialogue option - “I’d rather film movies than watch them…” - yields this:

In turn, this had fed into a long-standing headcanon of mine that I’d touched on several times, but not properly exposited. We all know Komaeda treasures being a part of a group. Whether that group is two or twenty, he has such an idealistic way of looking at the bonds he forms with other people, few and far between though they may be. He doesn’t just want to be in a classroom, he wants to be part of the class. He’s constantly throwing his undying support and affection at others, hoping to receive even a nod in return. 

 As much as he complains towards the end of Island Mode that nothing has happened to bring about hope, he does concede that he has found hope within himself through the companionship of another - namely, Hajime. While his feelings on this are...mixed...I think this further demonstrates a point I have made before, many times, that love and connection are synonymous in his mind with that greatest of goods, hope. And as somebody whose life has been one tragedy after another with brief reprieves in between, it’s no wonder he’d want to hold onto something as tranquil as getting to spend 50 days on a beautiful tropical island with people he considers friends. 

 It’s important to note that though it’s Hajime’s suggestion he’d rather film movies than watch them, it’s through Nagito’s own imagination the idea of creating a documentary (though I think something like this would be more aptly described as a home movie) of their lives during this event designed specifically to help them form bonds with one another and find hope is born. And of the dialogue options during this sequence, this is considered the best one, propelling Hajime’s relationship with Nagito the furthest. 

 Something like this lends itself to a natural conclusion, which I’ve incorporated into a few threads thus far, but deserves it’s own entire post because I just love it. The idea that, during happier moments in his life, Nagito makes every effort to immortalise whatever joy he is experiencing. He loves photographs, and will take plenty: of his family, his friends, his partner, his child/ren, his pet/s. The same goes for home movies. These become among his most prized possessions, and the things he is most proud of. He’s someone who will happily flaunt these pictures, and recount the story of just how his big doggo came to try and fit himself into such a small box over and over. He isn’t, nor has he ever been, shy about expressing his love and adoration for someone. 

Tl;dr: Canon agrees with me that Komaeda is That Guy who likes taking loads of pictures and video of the people he loves, and honestly, that’s just the cutest. 

[ourlordapollo]

Some people??? Overshare??? To COPE????

(Cw: animal death)

(Tl;dr I had to have my family dog put down today somewhat unexpectedly and I'm sad, as you can imagine)

I had to put my family's dog down today. He was old and he had heart failure and we all knew this was coming but... Not like this

A snowstorm is moving into the western Washington area. I live on a very steep hill and the apartment staff doesn't maintain the parking lot (which is a BIG hill) or the massive slope down to the main road. I was let off work early due to concerns about the weather and barely made it home with minimal sliding and near-misses.

The idea was to just stay the fuck put with my roommate(s) and our dogs and ride out the storm.

Well, for the past few days, my dog (family dog who ended up coming with me when I moved, so. My dog, for brevity's sake) had been walking oddly and kind of wobbling and falling down. He also had some discharge from his right ear, so I figured he had an ear infection, and waiting it out would be less dangerous than going out in the storm.

He was way worse when I got back from work today and was also kind of twitching and breathing erratically. After a cursory amount of anxiety and hesitating, I decided to walk down the hill and try to catch a Lyft to the veterinary ER.

Cade, being the most ride or die best friend anyone could ever ask for, decided to come with.

The storm was still picking up when we got to the bottom of the hill and no one was doing Lyft or Uber. No one.

My doggo has congestive heart failure, but at the time, I thought the falling/wobbling issue was just an ear infection.

So we decided to walk 2 miles in a snowstorm to the vet to get my dog looked at.

He LOVED walkies and being outside and didn't seem to mind the snow too much, which I'm super grateful for. Near the end he got cold and I had to carry him a ways, but he mostly had a really nice time on the walk. He got to play in the snow and sniff new smells and pee on a bunch of new stuff.

Then we got to the ER and it turned out that his balance issues were due to his heart problems getting way way worse.

After consulting with my family members, we made the decision to put him down rather than force him to live out the rest of his days in discomfort for our own sake.

Cade, beautiful boy, was so super supportive and amazing. We walked down the road to get Boone some hot dogs for his last meal.

When we got to see him again, it was clear he wasn't feeling well. He didn't get as excited about the snackies and he didn't hop around or bark like he normally would. I know we made the right choice in putting him down. If we had walked out of that clinic with Boone and a new list of prescriptions and treatments, he wouldn't have been the same dog. He wouldn't have the kind of happy, active, joyful life that he deserved.

Still, it was so fucking hard holding his head in my hands and watching him die. Cade is so fucking brave and wonderful for going through that with me. I literally didn't have anyone else and he was right there by my side the whole time.

So, rest in peace Mr Boone. I know we made the right choice in letting you go, but it's still so fucking hard knowing I'll never see you again.

I just like. This was so out of nowhere despite his diagnosis. He seemed to be doing fine until he just. Wasn't any more. I even bought him a brand new sweater a couple days ago. I had no way of seeing this coming.

Still. He's not hurting any more, and that's what's important

[joulethieves]

deep breath remember when i said this would take me 5mins nevermind i wrote for an hour

tl;dr burmecian dragoon frately and his adopted hume daughter kipcha are hunters that speak several languages but speak french to each other. there’s a dog and a falcon involved that are kipcha’s weird pets. burmecians are an extinct race aside from frately after they defended marginalized groups across ivalice and slowly died off. kipcha and reddas probably have a Thing. kipcha yells at al-cid in rozarrian bc he owes her money cuz she was hired to spy with her multilingual skills before getting thrown into prison and recently broken out by the time the xii-timeline is close to an end , pre-pharos.

ok wheremst do i start with these two i’ll try to. keep it short. 

SPOILER I DIDNT KEEP IT SHORT 

kipcha is a hume in her late 20′s who is a huntress. she has a dog and a falcon has a pet. she lives in the mountains, i headcanon somewhere in rozarria, with her weird dad frately.

frately is , quite frankly, a ripoff of sir frately from ffix. like basically he is a burmecian. but in ivalice-verse, i headcanon burmecias/cleyrans as an extinct race. long long lonnnng ago, burmecians used to be protectors of sorts, of the downtrodden or endangered. they are dragoons so they slayed a lotta dragons threatening their land and the land of others. they were all around a super amazing good race of creatures. the viera, especially, consider themselves heavily indebted to them. many many years ago the burmecians defended eruyt from an attack from some force (i havent figured it out yet, either humes or wyrms) and thus helped build the barriers in golmore now. 

so in ffxii timeline, when fran sees frately, and frankly--when any viera sees frately, the only burmecian they’ve seen in many many many years (as they were rumored to be wiped out in some war)--she removes her helmet and bows her head in respect. bc even though the viera that he sees have left the wood, they still owe their lives to burmecians and there’s a deep respect for them as well as a quiet shock as to how he is alive. not sure if he’s the only burmecian who survived; i imagine there are others but perhaps he is looking for them

somewhere in the timeline after eruyt was defended long long ago, another attack on a village happened, a hume town in rozarria. savages were tearing through it, raping and pillaging and burning it to the ground. burmecians fought to eliminate the threat and save the people, but many were slain in their efforts. THE BURMECIANS WERE VERY BUSY FULL-TIME DEFENDERS OF ALL. they never slept. there was always shit to save. kipcha was a toddler at the time and her whole family was murdered, and frately saved her before hiding them both in the woods. maybe just about every burmecian was wiped out (idfk i really dont have it worked out in a timeline). basically, frately adopted kipcha, at a very young age. she was probably like 3. after that attack, they were both alone. he decided he’d take care of her.

fast forward and now kipcha is 20something and she hunts around ivalice with her weird dad. they have a giant big-ass cabin they both built on some lonely mountain and she doesnt get to talk to humans much. but she has her birb and her doggo and likes to kill shit with her dad. 

also frately speaks in a heavy french accent because i said so, and bc i headcanon burmecians as generally speaking french, also bc i created him as an OC in high school when i was learning french, also bc i do what i want and french is a language in ivalice altho it probably isnt called french it just sounds french. basically its a dead language its probably what the burmecians spoke.

 anyway they speak that to each other. she taught herself the main ivalician tongue and bugged him to learn it too. she doesnt speak with an accent but he’s lazy and old so he has a heavy one. also she speaks rozarrian and landisian and galtaean (what i headcanon as english i guess. she learned a lot of languages by books and travel and when she does meet other humes she loves to talk to them to test out her skills. she is very clever like that. languages come easily to her.

hmmm so anyway

reddas took over balfonheim 2 years pre-game. and there was an assassination attempt to get rid of him as he tried to make all these changes in balfonheim since he cleaned  a lot of it up. well, there was an attempt at an attempt for murder, at least.

 y’see, kipcha and frately were in balfonheim on a hunt and it was their first visit there. kipcha overheard two men talking in a foreign language no one could speak while in a bar, and understood they were trying to plot against reddas. she didnt know who reddas was but she’s literally so catty and didnt like how they looked at her so she snitched. basically she saved reddas’ life cuz it ended up being a huge plot to kill him. 

from then on kipcha got on reddas’ good side but was labeled a snitch by others. she doesn’t really care tho, but sometimes it grates her. lots of people call frately a rat bc of how he looks as a burmecian, and because of him partnering with kipcha to snitch, but i dont think the namecallers understand how tall he is cuz when he stands up from his barstool he is literally like almost seven feet tall he is so tall dude. 

kipcha is average like 5′6″ or something but frately is gigantic. he used to give her piggyback rides and jump around when she was a kid and she squealed in delight but he calls her too fat now (she isnt, but he teases her). kipcha is very sassy, outgoing, and mislabeled as “confident” when really she has no concept of how to act in public since she is never around people so she’s generally just a loud weirdo. she carries her dog around in her arms and ppl are like “omg is ur dog ok” and shes like “he’s fine i just like carrying him around like a baby” . she has a bird, a falcon named [redacted (im honestly so embarrassed by a lot of this)], she flies around sometimes and brings kipcha things like dead rats and random rings. kip has a bohemian sort of style about her and wears a bunch of shit the bird finds. 

because kipcha can speak a lot of languages she was then hired by al-cid to do some spying for something or other, shortly after the reddas stint, as word got out about her. she did the job, and got the info back to al-cid,  but she got caught and imprisoned. frately broke her out but it took over a year to figure it out. i also headcanon that the bird steals al-cid’s glasses in xii timeline during his brief stint in balfonheim. 

kipcha and frately are coined “fire ‘n ice” by most folks who are fond of them. kipcha is very hotheaded and loud. she is also a redhead. frately being of pallor skin and white hair and quiet temperament is therefore ice. whenever frately is embarrassed by her she likes to remind him he raised her and he likes to respond “i had nothing to do with this” in a very french accent.

 so reddas hasn’t seen her for over a year and a half before she shows up in the xii-timeline, broken out of prison, growing her hair out cuz they buzzed it off, and demanding money from al-cid bc he never paid her, but in his defense she was in prison. 

kip and frate show up late in-game and that’s the first time reddas sees her since she saved him, essentially i. sort of maybe ship her with reddas? but more like a “they totally banged once and she’s obviously nuts about him and clambers on his back and curls his sideburns around her finger while whispering in french in his ear” she’s honestly hilarious and frately facepalms a lot. frately and fran hang out. kipcha goes on a hunt with vaan and penelo and they becomes bff’s. hmmm. yeah anyway they show up late in-game to help with a hunt or an esper or like, they need kipcha and frately’s translating knowledge for something or other. idk kipcha is just happy to be out of prison and eating oysters and petting her dog. by the time she shows up in balfonheim ingame she’s probably been out of prison for a few months. oh no this got so long im sorry i think abt them every day they live in my head

[cricketneedsabath-blog]

Park here: Kit Fox (Passport America)

Kit Fox RV Park [Patterson, CA]

• Dog Life: Fenced dog area, accessible grass between the RV pads in a decently maintained RV park.

Dog run not big enough for sighthound zooms, but the other doggo residents seemed cool with it.

There are BSL type of restrictions here, so be sure to check their info if your doggo lifts. Though am noodle, this makes me sad for lifting doggos - if everyone was nice on leash, and respects each other in off-leash areas, there should be no need for breedism. Human should be mindful of doggo, very sad when doggos get punished for irresponsible humans.

• As far as signal: workable!

Verizon and AT&T both had acceptable speeds for telecommuting - human was pleased. Human also pleased with concurrent streaming speeds, no bog down noted. Nothing pleases the demon, Pig grumpy as ever.

• Discounts: Passport America! Didn’t ask about anything else becuase we love PA! Accepted all seven days a week with a five night max for discount. Very reasonable considering California is so expensive, and considering FHU at each site & free showers.

• The Park: Levl gravel sites with a paved pad for a toad next to it. Grass between loops, not much in way of trees/shade.

Free hot showers, not the best water pressure but not terrible by any means. Clean enough, human is a germaphobe and did fine. Decently sized dressing area when using the facility in the main office building, the stand alone bathrooms through the park give you a private combo toilet / shower and essentially a whole room to yourself (so plenty of room to dress).

🐾 ••• ⭑

TL;DR - would stay here again, though a bit far from any points of interest. Makes for decent stop-over.

:: okay sunrise and sunset views, cuz nothing else to be seen

[sputnikscock420]

TL;DR: Every fall semester at my university there is a large six-sided billboard put up with a bunch of bullshit comparing abortion to genocide (it’s set up by people NOT affiliated with the university) but it’s okay because nobody wants it there and the students protest, get signatures for a petition to have it permanently banned from campus, and are brought together by their mutual disgust for the billboard and it’s affiliates.

Full story: So every fall semester at my university, these anti-abortion people come and put up this six-sided billboard thing in the quad (an area that typically has a high volume of students). It’s a horrendous atrocity covered in spelling errors, images of aborted fetuses (that many other students have told me are fake, however I have no way to prove that), real and very graphic images of genocides that have occurred throughout history including the holocaust, and ridiculous comparisons claiming that people making their own decisions with their own bodies are somehow akin to people like Adolf Hitler.

They have signs nearby that say “warning: genocide photos ahead” as if that’s in any way accurate. Also, it’s incredibly ineffective as a trigger warning considering the fact that the signs are no more than 10 yards from the GIANT FUCKING BILLBOARD.

The Dean of Students doesn’t agree with these people, but according to him not much can be done about it because if they try to do anything, the anti-abortion shitheads will take the university to court claiming that telling them to fuck off violates their freedom of speech. They’ve done this before and the court always rules in their favor.

I’m all for freedom of speech and in no way do I want to silence them because they should be able to voice their opinions just like anyone else, but the way they’re doing it is awful. They’re displaying horrifying graphic images in a populated area and not only is it giving offensive and incorrect information, but many students (especially those with PTSD) are seriously triggered and/or distressed by it. This helps no one, all it does is harm people. There are other groups that do similar things, but they have their bullshit in a tent of some kind so you can only see it if you choose to go inside and look. That would be totally fine, but these people aren’t giving us a choice in whether or not we see it. It’s absolutely awful.

But wait! There’s a bright side!

They do this every year, and every year it brings the students together. Very few students, if any at all, are okay with this billboard. Every time it’s put up, students IMMEDIATELY start a petition to get it off campus (the petition is for it to be taken off campus PERMANENTLY btw, we are all fully aware that their plan is always to take it down after two days but nobody wants it to ever come back - hence the petition).

They stand across from the billboard douchebags and peacefully protest, holding signs that say things like “My Body My Choice”, “Mind Your Own Uterus”, and “[University] is too Great for Hate”. They also go far enough away from the billboard that the images aren’t visible and hold signs that say “trigger warning: graphic images ahead”. A few students brought their dogs this year so people who were stressed about the billboard could pet the dogs to feel better (the doggos were so good, they’re all precious little cinnamon rolls❤️❤️❤️).

Planned Parenthood sets up a booth nearby with free information pamphlets, buttons, pens, stickers, condoms, and candy. There’s also a Pride booth and a booth for our Gender Equity Center that also give free goodies and *correct* information. The booths don’t even really protest, they just set up near the billboard and students flock to them not only for free goodies and information, but to tell them they’re great and appreciated and to have a wonderful day. My best friend even went outside and gave hugs to every single booth volunteer and protester (with their permission, of course). Nobody really says anything to the billboard people, we just make a point to give obvious support to the protesters and booths. It really brings our university together, it almost makes it kind of nice.

Also sorry there’s only one pic of the billboard itself, by the time I could take pics they were taking it down (everyone cheered when all of it was down btw).

I didn’t have the chance to look super closely at some of the sides of this hexagonal atrocity, but if you’d like to know what I did see: there was a picture of a concentration camp labeled “The Final Solution” next to a (possibly fake) picture of an aborted fetus - I don’t remember what exact label the second picture had but it was something with the word “solution” in it; they were trying to say that abortion is as bad as Hitler’s plan to brutally execute an entire group of people for no reason. Which is awful for many reasons but the main reason imo being that using a horrible, tragic event such as the holocaust to further your own political agenda is a dick move. They also had another very graphic image labeled “Cambodian Genocide” next to another (again, possibly fake) image of an aborted fetus labeled “American Genocide”.

These people are just awful, but my university is an all-inclusive school built on respect, love, and intelligence. We don’t have time for hate and fear-mongering bullshit.

P.s. I would say the name of the university because it’s an amazing university, but I didn’t for the same reason I covered the protesters’ faces. I don’t want any negative repercussions for these wonderful people. But I hope you enjoy the moons covering their faces and my university name, as well as the trash can covering the face of one of the anti-abortion people. Sorry that this post is so long, but it’s important to me and I wanted to share how proud I am of the students at my university for making a very clear stand against this, but doing so peacefully. :)

[aroihkin]

job bullshit

Okay, so, a few weeks ago on St. Patricks day I had an interview and I got hired that day at an outdoor lumber yard. I started working the next day.

Two weeks into it I got pulled aside by my boss and her HR/assistant person and told that I was coming in late every day and it was inexcusable. “Late” in this case was, my shift starts at 8 AM, I’d walk in the door at 8 AM, write down my start time on my timesheet, then put all my gear on and put my radio on after. This was “late”.

Every other job I’ve ever had, you come in, you punch in on time, then you gear up / get your register / set up for the day. I’m not talking about making my lunch or something either, I mean putting on my back brace, slipping my box knife, pen, and gloves into my pockets, pulling my sweater back on over it if it’s cold out, then putting on my radio and turning it on once it’s in place.

This was “late”.

I accepted this and moved on, started showing up ten minutes early every day. I have not failed to do so once since that chat.

My Saturday start time is 9 AM. So, this last Saturday, I was there at 8:50... had to wait to be let in because the gate was locked. Got into the office itself at 8:55, geared up, and had my radio on and in my ear by 9 AM. There’s literally nothing going on that I’m allowed to help with, the other yard guy is driving forklifts and trucks out of the barn and I’m literally not allowed to do that yet because I’m not on the insurance.

So I just kinda stand around indoors chewing on free donuts, waiting for him to be done with that and/or waiting for the trickle of customers to eventually need something loaded from the yard so I can take that while Kris is busy moving equipment around. My radio is on, it’s in my ear, if Kris wants me to do something I am a button push away.

Boss lady starts getting agitated, but I honestly don’t know why. I banter a little with some customers who are waiting in line, and generally am just chilling.

Then at 9:10 I get snapped at by boss lady that I need to be outside “helping Kris” because it’s “after 9″. So, fine, I go outside to fucking watch him move the forklifts and shit around. That’s helping, I guess. Stand around outside instead of inside, got it. By this point he’s actually finished moving stuff and he and I start in on general Saturday between-customers chores and it’s fine.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I was only given a six hour shift, which seems to be the new normal until things “get busy in the summer”, especially since they hired another new guy who started yesterday as well. Cool, fine, that’s less money but maybe I can ease into memorizing the yard and getting my muscles back, somewhat.

First, they try to convince me to not take a lunch break. Which I think is illegal with a six hour shift? I know at least that I’d have to sign a waiver, which I hadn’t.

Pre-diabetic that I am, I insist that I’ll be taking my half hour lunch break and let them figure out when. I get sent on the spot, which is fine by me because I’m hungry. I go inside, sit down, eat my sandwiches. 28 minutes later I’m coming out of the bathroom and putting my back brace back on. At the 30 minute mark I’ve got my radio back on and in my ear, and a customer’s dog wants scritches while the customer watches, so I spend a few minutes scritching the doggy lots and making her a happy pup.

Again, the radio is on and it’s in my fucking ear.

Also, when I was sent on lunch, I wasn’t in the midst of any projects. There are no customers who currently need help in the yard (I’d hear over the radio if there was). I’m literally in a slump of ‘hurry up and wait for something to do’.

So I finish petting the doggy and go outside to my car, throw my lunch bag in, pull out my thermos and refill my travel mug with tea. Now, mind you, with my radio on and in my ear, I am doing something I’m supposedly allowed to do at all times if I’m not helping a customer. I’m allowed to walk over to my car and refill my tea mug even if I’m in the middle of a project. It’s literally as long as a customer doesn’t need help. Even if a customer had needed help while I was petting the doggo, I would have just tossed my lunch bag in on the way, as Jack’s parked between the office and the rest of the yard and the customer has to come outside as well and get in their vehicle and then drive over to wherever I’m meeting them. It’s not a fucking big deal.

But at this point if I’m not off my fucking lunch break I don’t know what I am.

(Also, side note -- we don’t have official breaks? So if the yard is super busy there just is no pausing. More on that in a moment.)

I finish refilling my mug, toss my thermos back in my car, and walk out into the wide open yard to find my semi-boss and the other new guy. Other new guy, by the way, was allowed to sit around in the break room area for most of my lunch break without officially taking a lunch. But I digress. I walk out, and I see semi-boss glance at his watch and I hear him mutter than I’m ten minutes late “but oh well”.

At this point it’s six minutes after the end of my lunch. I know because I looked at that point, too.

But even then, I thought I was on time with my radio in and all that fucking shit.

So, long story short, I’m pretty sure I’m about to be let go from my new job because I’m “always late” -- because I’m not a fucking mind reader. They also treat the newer new guy totally different than they treat me; I’ve never been allowed to go inside and sit down for twenty minutes while on the clock. Not once. Not even when it was pouring down rain and there was nothing to do. New guy is cis. I’m a non-passing trans man who is not “out” at work. That makes me the first person with tits to work in the yard in over thirty years.

So, I can see what’s going on here.

But god damn. I have actual, serious anxiety. I’m riddled with PTSD from decades of abuse. This whole constant “I think I’m doing fine! Yay new job! -- NO YOU FUCKED IT UP GRAR YOU’RE LAZY” thing is playing havok with my mental and physical health.

On top of that, the lack of official breaks? The way they tried to get me to not take a lunch break? The fact that none of the other yard guys actually take their full lunch period even on a slow day? Semi-boss guy was proudly and happily telling me the other day that sometimes when the yard is busy he’s worked ten hours without a single break and not even noticed.

I guarantee you I would notice.

Also this shit is illegal as hell.

So I’m apping furiously at other places, including a local lumber company and Lowe’s as a loader, because that’s basically what I am at this place and it’s not the labor itself that’s really fucking with me. Though it will if I’m expected to lug around 80-100lb bags of concrete, and one end of soaking wet 4″x8″x20′ boards, and shit like that all day every day without a break if there just happens to be too many customers that day. As it is, I already had my back try to go out on me on Saturday and it wasn’t even that busy.

But I don’t think they’re going to keep me.

And I’m not sure I want them to, in the long run.

I just want another job before this one sinks, though I worry it won’t work out that way. When has it ever? It took me months just to find this damn job.

And fuck, does walking on eggshells, never knowing if I’m doing good or fucking up, fuck with me so fucking bad. I had to call in sick today because I sat up in bed and then literally couldn’t move for twenty minutes, locked up from stress. It’s only my second time calling in sick (in an intensive, fucked up, high altitude job), but I’m sure that’ll get used against me too. The regulars probably never call in, just like they never need actual breaks or full lunches...

TL;DR: Nothing is allowed to go right and I am a fucking failure as always. Also, companies with eight whole employees do some shady fucking shit, legalities wise. Also, stating what you fucking want is apparently too much to ask for, news at 11.

[alliancesniper]

❤️ say nice things about urself bc i love u.

GET TO KNOW ME;;

how would you describe yourself  ?

I NEVER KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THESE like my first inclination for an answer is “lame” and my second is to turn to someone else and just ask lmao.    but i should probably take this seriously,  SO !!   okay.   i would say some of my best qualities include my empathy and compassion.   i’ve been described as being nice to a fault  ;   i can kind of be a pushover a lot of the time lmao.   it’s probably incredibly easy for people to take advantage of me because the thought of people being annoyed with me or angry with me or anything like that just makes me too anxious and sick rifp.   so i try very hard and work very hard to make sure i’m basically doing everything right.   

but  !!!   i’m also good at listening to people,  i think.   a lot better at listening than,  like …  offering advice  ?   like more than anything it matters to me when people feel like they can come to me with anything,  it matters to me here,  it matters to me with my friends,  and it matters to me at work,  as a shift leader.   on the other hand,  i’ve been known to be  TERRIBLE  at reacting lmao.   at least i think that about myself,  nobody’s ever really called me out on it but i just know.   people have called me crying and then i never know what to say,  ever,  and i feel so bad about it lmao because i’m like aaaah i have nothing to say that will make it  better.   i’m just not good at emoting either.   i remember when i first got my dog and my parents were like  ‘u good?’  bc i just didn’t really react but on the inside i was like literally crying bc lil doggo  !!!!   

i’m also like …  actually a perfectionist rifp.   which is both a good and bad thing,  honestly.   bad because things take me  forever  to do because i’m never satisfied but when i actually get things done the way i want it to,  it’s like a Good thing.   sometimes that turns into me being a bit of a control freak though.   like,  at work,  i guess i’m very much a Do-er  ?   like i see something that needs to be done and i’ll just do it but then i don’t delegate tasks very well because i’m just like i can do this  !!!   it’s fine  !!!   but then i overwhelm myself.   also 9 times out of 10 i’m the reason why the closers at work get out late because there i am fucking scrubbing the sink down because there’s gross shit that won’t come off,  or here i am sweating like a pig mopping the floors when everyone else can get it done and have it be Acceptable in moments because i see spots and i’m like fuck this needs to Go.

anyway  tl;dr  i’m just Average,  Bi,  and Ready to Try.   i like dogs and video games and music being in boston and i love my family and friends a lot and i love tumblr user @aesclepius a lot too