#the title really is accurate huh. no braincells

[arieava]

watching pearl's new limited life episode and i'm losing my mind WHY IS SHE DOING ANY OF THIS HELP ME

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BHNA AU [self insert]

Nani the heck is this? read here!

Chapter 2: Ass-Whoopin’ Boogaloo

I’ve been at UA for 3 weeks now and I’m getting the hang of everything! My new found friendship with Jin and Mimi has gotten stronger to where we can share our back stories. My stance in the hero course, its a bit tough and tense since Iida told everyone about our incident. Going in that class everyday has me on guard for anymore unwanted heroics. I now eat lunch in the Intelligence commons room with all my fellow intelligence course classmates. Midnight and Aizawa sensei have really made my anxiety and feelings be heard. There’s always a smile and calmness in my face when I go to school now, like how I was when I was in America. I still get homesick but I don’t cry as much.

-Tuesday, in homeroom-

“Yo do y’all ass still hurt from yesterday?”

“ugh YES and I want to remove my ass!”

“I hate butts but mine craves D E A T H~”

“jeez Jin, it don’t hurt that much”

“yeah, it was just a slap”

“it wasn’t fair! my opponent slapped me twice so hard it made my soul vibrate”

“God I wish that were me”

“Mimi please! we’re in class!”

“OKAY CLASS LETS GET STARTED!” Diya sensei bellowed, as he was not in the mood today. It’s result day to see where we need improvement and our strong suits for combat groups later in the semester.

“As you all may know” as he lifts up a thick file “it’s result day. All those tests on conceal and carry, endurance, strategy and weaponry are in a personalized packet to see where you fucked up”

Oof, guess the class didn’t do so well as a whole.

“Plus, there’s a class ranking, for guts and glory to those who did well. The rest of you slackers need to refresh on conduct and holding a gun correctly! I’ll pass out the packets first in no particular order.”

Jin turned to me, “I hope we did well! We kept our cool in the physical and weapons”

“I hope so, I just know my non-quirk usage run was absolute garbage!”

Mimi shuttered “yea, you tripped over your own feet in front of the entire 1st year intelligence class”

We get our results packet and to my surprise, I get a passing result on the physical. A whole 93% success, my place to improve on is speed on gun shooting and weapon stability. 

“I’m going to put the class ranking on the overhead, so those who fucked up get to see just how bad” Diya sensei said as he turned on the projector.

We wait in total anxiety to see who ranked on the top. When the sheet appeared, the our class ranking was of the left and the whole 1st year intelligence class ranking on the right. Out of the whole class, I got 3rd, closely followed by Mimi and Jin. In the other list, I was number 5. Not only that but I was the only international student in the top bracket, Mimi and Jin were in the lower 10s in rank. I didn’t know what to say! I didn’t know how to feel about my placement aside from relief that I passed.

“As you can see, our class has about a 10 point difference between the top students and the fuck ups. And you can see that our kind and determined American, Miss Palma, has placed in the top 5. All praise and glory to them!” He said in gusto as the class applauded me. Suddenly, my scraped knees and palms from my fall didn’t seem so bad.

“oh thank you sensei! Glad to make my class proud and I’ll continue to work hard”

“you’re too modest Miss Palma! You didn’t just make the class proud, the whole district and staff here know about your achievement. Because your the first international student in 10 years that made top bracket.”

“oh jeez really? the whole staff here knows? Thats a big deal to carry with the title” I said with less enthusiasm. I suddenly don’t want to leave the classroom to go to my other classes.

We have weapons class and it was mostly for the ones that didn’t do well in that portion of the exam. All I did was practice aim with hand guns, Mimi helped me out with that. Before we had to get dressed to go to next class, our PE clothes came in and I was so happy I got mine but the shorts on mine were a little too low on the waist. Curse my big ass! So I got re-measured and had to wait another week to get my full set. I got dressed quickly and teleported to my next class. I wasn’t late but I didn’t want any of the staff to talk to me about my achievement. I walk in and everyone starts clapping, FUCK i thought, Aizawa told them huh?

“brava to our brilliant American Student!” said Aizawa

“What an honor to hold Palma-san!” said Aoyama-san

“I’m impressed! We have to see you in action!” Sero said excitedly

“Actually, we can today”

“what do you mean sensei?”

“we’re going to the gym to do one on ones today”

“oh I was just there! alright ummm you want me to meet you guys there?”

“oh you were? sorry about that but if you’d like, go on ahead, I have to do some disciplinary things for the class”

“ok got it, see yall out there!” I said before teleporting out.

I got dressed out in my new jacket but with my black basketball shorts. To them, I probably look like I ripped my bottoms. I walk to the gym, nobody here yet, guess I’ll start my stretches. I put on my hypebeast playlist as I do stretches and quirk warmups. And a thought comes to mind, I don’t actually use my 2nd quirk like I should and I just pretend that it doesn’t exist. But then again, my quirks are on my file, if Aizawa finds me out I’m fucced because I HATE touching other people’s faces. I didn’t realize it but the class was watching me as I do my t-pose flips with the music on full blast. When I saw them I got embarrassed.

“WOAH Palma-san, didn’t know you listened to hype music” said Jiro

“oh yea hehe I listen to it when I work out and train, it gets me in my fighting element”

“fighting element? who you fighting often to have that?” said a very confused Mineta

“Oh i have an older and younger sibling back home and they’re blessed with double and powerful quirks. As the middle child, I have to stand against them when they get violent over the last slice of pizza”

“couldn’t you just, share and use your words instead of fighting all the time?” said Uraraka like she just my solved problem.

“you wouldn’t say that when your older sister has an anger fueled quirk plus fire and your little brother has the same temper but with the ability to stretch and fly, I HAVE to square up and throw a punch or 10 at my siblings to get what I want”

“thats terrible! what do your parents think about that?” said Tokoyami

“they stopped trying to prevent or stop the fights, they just let us at it as long as nothing catches on fire”

Everyone just looked at me like I survived a war or something. I assumed everyone was just an only child if they didn’t understand my reasoning.

“ok everyone, do we have anyone that wants to go first?” said Aizawa has he cut through us to the sparring circle.

“um I’ll go first!” I spoke up with a bit of restraint.

“oh good! your opponent is Bakugo, please get in position”

I have never craved death in my life more than this moment, with Bakugo?! I already didn’t like him as a person and his power is on par with my sister but with braincells. Doesn’t matter now, I take my side of the circle.

“tch, your just my warmup, don’t get your hopes up America-san” Bakugo spat out as he gave me the once over.

“Ok, round 1, Bakugo vs Palma, BEGIN” said an automated voice.

I put my fists up and get in my low stance. I think out my strategy that if I give him a dead leg and teleport him a few feet up while he’s dazed, I can suplex him to my victory. Because there was no way I could get him out of the circle to win. He charges toward me so aggressively and I barely evade him. I take my chance to give him dead leg but he threw in his punches before I could. A minute of trying to get him in the air passes and he got me on the ground and I stagger myself to look up, I had too much fight in me to give up now.

“PAUSE TIME” say Aizawa “Palma-san, use your other quirk”

“what? I-”

“no excuses, the old you is dead, reinvent yourself” he said right before I stood up “RESUME TIME”

Bakugo got a sickly, evil smile on his face and said “when I’m done, I’ll make you wish you never left home from mommy and daddy” as he inched closer.

That triggered the aggressive part of my psyche.

“shut up”

“what did you say?”

“I said SHUT UP!” as a swung in for the open hand slap to the face, “you don’t know me or what I did to end up here you aggressive twink!”

“you catty bitch, using slaps like my old hag, DIE” as he lunged toward me.

“GET AWAY FROM ME BOTTOM!” as I hold my hands out to unleash an explosion hard enough to send him out of bounds.

“Round 1, over, Palma wins” said the automated voice as I see Bakugo on his knees a good 10 ft away. I turn to my classmates and sensei, they’re in states of shock and awe. Sensei was proud of me and gave me the thumbs up. I turn to Bakugo, he’s still in shock.

“oh jeez, um you alright? Here let me-” I said as I teleported to him, assuming I hurt him or something.

“I get it! I lost! you don’t have to rub it in my face!” he growled as I teleported in front of him.

“Are you hurt? can you stand?” I said as I held my hand out.

He looked at my hand then my face, confused he said “you’re helping me? even after what I said to you? Aren’t you mad at me?”

“I was but I wanted to make sure you were alright, I left my family behind in America, not my human decency” I said genuinely as he took my hand to lift himself up.

“EY amazing job Palma-san!” said Midoriya “just one question, for my notes on everyone’s fighting style, whats a twink?”

I start laughing “oh goodness um its-” I whisper what a twink is in his ear.

“EEEEEHH?! thats so mean, but accurate! Kacchan is an aggressive twink” then he writes under Bakugo’s page according to Palma-san’s one on one with Kacchan, he’s an aggressive twink. Palma-san doesn’t say lies in battle.

After a few more one on ones, Kaminari spoke up “hey sensei, can I go against Palma-san?”

“if they’re alright with it, I don’t see why not”

“yea, I can go another round” I say like I’m being offered a second round of sushi.

“then take your places”

“Round 8, Kaminari vs Palma, BEGIN!”

Before I could go into my strategy, he starts talking like he has a motive,

“lets make a wager, If I win, you have to go on a date with me~”

“BOLD of you to assume I want to date you”

the class goes ballistic with the roasting I gave him!

“But if I win, you have to buy me coffee for a week”

“ok you’re on cutie” he said with a wink.

I gave a disgusted face as I wait for him to start shooting his sparks. He goes for it and I teleport behind him. He stopped his attack when he noticed I wasn’t there, a little too late boy. Gave one swift low sweep to knock him down and distract him from phase 2 of my plan. I quickly unzip my jacket, took it off and threw it on him as he got up.

“oi whats with the tricks?!” as he tried to wrestle out of my jacket. Just as according to plan. Now to intrigue him into phase 3, the finisher.

“aww, its like you’re not even trying!” I whined as I grab my jacket sleeves toward me, slinging him to my person. “maybe if I- cut out the middle man, you’ll fight me like a man!”

I made my ‘kiss me!’ eyes as I slightly puckered up. The fool fell for it and closed his eyes as he leaned in for the kiss. I couldn’t see the class but I’m pretty sure they had their jaws on the floor with the shit I was pulling off. Before our lips met, I did a quick dodge to his left ear as our chests touched and whispered ‘sike bitch you thot!’ and teleported us 15ft upwards. That bided me time to flip him and put him in a Diving Hurricanrana. He rolls forward and out of bounds.

“Round 8 over, Palma wins”

The class roars with amazement! I get a little thrown off by the noise. Then I hear Kaminari groan, shit I forgot to tone it with the wrestling moves.

“Hey you good?”

“Can’t believe you pulled a fast one on me!” he said as he took my hand to stand up, “I really thought I was gonna get lucky”

“oh Kaminari!” I said as I put my hand on his cheek “I like my coffee black with no cream and half a packet of sugar.”

“oh right, our wager” he said sadly, trying to not to blush in front of me.

 “thanks again! I should wager for coffee more often” as I boop him on the nose, sending a light shock.

I walk back to the rest of the class and Midoriya runs up to me,

“Palma-san! that was- I’ve never seen that ending move before in my life! and the tactical taunts! How did you know he was going to fall for that kiss fake out?”

“thanks hehe that move is a lucha libre finisher called the Diving Hurricanrana and Kaminari-san is kinda predictable if he made his intentions clear in the beginning. The moment he said going on a date with him, I knew that was virgin code for ‘I want to have my first kiss already’ and I went for the kill”

Midoriya then writes in on my section of his notes ‘fights a mix of martial arts, lucha libre and trickery. Full strategy going into fights. Can read their opponent well’ 

“Good job kid,” Aizawa said while scribbling on his score sheet “up for another round? You have another challenger” he said pointing behind him with his pen.

I looked over and saw Todoroki staring at me with serious eyes, I’d be a fool to not take this fight, win or lose.

“Yea I’ll have another go”

“Thats the spirit, take your positions”

“Round 9, Todoroki vs Palma, BEGIN”

He doesn’t waste time to rush me with his ice, but I had a plan. If I could get him to the center of the circle, I can go in at close range combat and, depending how he falls, I can get him in an submission hold and it will all end. 

“Your tricks won’t work on me” he told me bluntly “I can counter anything you throw at me.”

“Bold statement coming from somebody within slapping range”

“I won’t give you the pleasure of touching me”

“Oof wrong choice of words dude, gotta work on that”

The class chuckled and Todoroki got flustered because he didn’t know what he said that made them laugh. He blasted his next attack and I do a quick dip and vertical jump into T-pose, onto phase 2, the lure. I hover over him like I’m going to drop my weight on him so he can move to the center, he moves 5 steps in the right direction. All according to plan, I do a head kick fake out to get him to the middle and he jump dodges right where I wanted him. Phase 3, close combat, I teleport 2 feet in front of him and started my attack. As I execute my slap fake-out to gut upper cut, I ended up touching his face any ways. Slight change of plans, I can potentially freeze him in place. As I activate the quirk, a familiar sensation rose in my body. A secret quirk? I was tricked! He wanted me to touch him to mess up my plan! My body trembled and half of my body sprouted ice pillars, the other side had a perfectly controlled flame in my hand. FOOL he unknowingly gave me the upper hand!

“Wow, fire and ice? All the makings to be a powerful hero and you chose to hide the fire part of you” I said in awe “then you and me aren’t so different after all.”

He looked at me like somebody finally understood him, it all clicked to me. He let me touch him not because of strategy but to see if I really DID understand his reason to hide his quirk. All because I displayed mine in my fight with Bakugo. But he’s still gonna get his ass whooped.

“But you made a grave mistake, I have a sister with the same fire power” I said unapologetically “I’ve been mastering my technique since I was a toddler! I played with fire and I’m not afraid of getting burned” I said as I raised my hand with the fire side. His face turned from hopeful to fearful so quick when he realized he didn’t have a full plan to take me down now. I blast a ring of fire that he narrowly avoided. The class is conflicted on who they wanted to win but they were telling Todoroki to use his fire. I drop down with my right foot out to do my fire spin. Todoroki is having trouble landing an attack on me.

“I’ve never seen such moves, not even from my father, I don’t know how to counter them!” he says in a panic. I go in for the kill.

“Thanks! If you survive this next attack, maybe I can teach you.” I say as I rise into T-pose and focus all my energy on the fire quirk. It was a risk but I made a perfect fire clone of myself. Everyone was in shock, even sensei had his mouth open. 

“She made a fire clone” said Yayorozu

“With the way things are turning out,” Ojiro thought out loud “Todoroki doesn’t stand a chance against her.”

“DON’T SAY THAT! What if its just for show?” said Sato seconds before things were getting ugly for their Icy boy.

“Todoroki-san, meet Flam-ita! Flam-ita, this is Todoroki-san!” I said like I would introduce 2 friends “Why don’t you go play with him Flamita? I’ll be standing here, watching.”

I make Flamita skip toward him and the class gasped that I pulled the ultimate flex on them all. Todoroki made an ice wall to bide him time to think of a plan.

“oh? Are you shy Todoroki?” I mocked “your ice can’t stop Flamita!” Flamita then melts through the wall and walked Todoroki to the edge of the boundary. He propelled himself up with his ice just before the line, foolish move. I anticipate his flight path and teleport one foot in front of him to get him in the flying La Arkangelina and stuck the landing. Upon landing I feel his body go limp and I think oh my fucking god he fuckin ded! But I felt him breathe on my neck and felt relieved, he just passed out.

“Round 9 over, Palma wins”

I look out to the class, nobody was moving or saying anything. I gotta think fast.

“um I think this boy need some healing” as I levitate him off me and to the class, hoping someone will take him to Recovery Girl. Shoji gets him but everyone else still didn’t react.

“Oh Flamita! come over here! Take a bow for your amazing debut! Until next time, sayonara” I say as my fire clone bows and fades away. I then take my bow and walk off the sparring circle. As I walk, I see Midoriya and Iida run toward me and then everything went dark and cold.

Did I just pass out?

I wake up to the sound of a menacing Russian accent and the sound of shoes aggressively squeaking on tile. No doubt in my mind it was Mimi and Jin fighting somebody off, but who?

“WHAT PART OF DON’T LOOK AT HER DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND WALKING BROCCOLI!”

“YEA! Don’t mess with us! We got the power of GOD AND ANIME on our side!” said Jin as he was praising the lord.

“Jin? Mimi? is that you?”

“She has R I S E N!” they said in unison as they run toward my cot. I was in the nurse’s office. Guess I did pass out...

“Oh thank the stars you’re ok Palma-san!” said Iida 

“THATS HIM! THATS THE GUY THAT DRAGGED ME DOWN THE HALL!”

“what-”

“You have some nerve to show your glasses wearing ass around us!”

“yee yee bucko, prepare to get” Jin said as he set up the perfect dab “fucko’d!”

Midoriya and Iida just stood and watched the 3 of us dab and whip in unison, wondering where Recovery Girl was to stop this chaos.

“Hello~ Is Itati awake?” said Midnight as she popped her head in to all the chaos.

Mimi stops and elbows Jin to stop too.

“Yea I’m up and well”

“Oh good!” she said relieved and walked in with a file under her arm and a large tupperware container in her hands. “I was going to give you this after school for a job well done on the ranking but looks like you might need this now.” She opens the container and inside was perfectly cut cubes of watermelon! I haven’t have any in months!

“Oh my goodness! how did you know I liked watermelon?”

“Well in your health and wellness file, your mother attached some pictures of you doing things that make you happy. One of them is a picture of you as a child eating a slice of watermelon half your size!” she gushed as she sat next to the cot and everyone gathered around. “here, take a look”

I open the file and I see a bunch of pictures I haven’t seen in ages! Theres a  picture of me as a toddler, petting rabbits at the park. Another one where my family went to the beach and my sister was throwing 8 year old me into the water. Then I saw a picture of me spoon feeding yogurt to my shitzu Mr. Muffins, I remember that this was taken the summer before I entered high school. I miss my sweet lil muffin.

“wow Palma-san! You do have a big family, you look so much like your mother.” said Midoriya looking at my picture when I was 10, helping my mom cook Christmas dinner.

“you clearly came from a very loved household, my mother wouldn’t do this for me!” said Iida looking at the rare photo of my siblings and I getting along, we were sitting on the grass, drinking out of cracked coconuts.

I start eating the watermelon, I was REALLY hungry and was feeling so touched that everyone was looking through my photos. It’s like taking a peek at all the peaceful moments of my life without having to explain it. Recovery Girl came in eventually and said that I exhausted myself using my copy quirk. I was prescribed 3 days of rest, no quirk using or endurance training. Everyone that came to visit parted ways and I was released a bit before my last class of the day. As I get up, I see that Todoroki was in the cot behind the curtain, he was awake and drinking water.

“oh hi, are you doing ok?”

“Palma-san, I am thank you” he said a bit startled. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“When sensei said to use your 2nd quirk and he stopped you from saying something, what were you going to say?”

“I was going to say that I don’t want to, doing my copy quirk makes me look too over powered.” I said with a hint of sadness “I didn’t want the class to not like me because I was too powerful or be scared of what I might do next!”

“That’s what I admire about you” said Todoroki “you are genuinely kind and caring but strong and calculating.”

“oh thank you Todoroki-san, for your kind words”

“you can call me Shouto”

“oh alright then, you can call me Itati”

“can I call you Itati-senpai?”

“eww gross Shouto-san, what do I look like? a fuckin shonen manga?!”

“Ok ok! I pushed it a bit sorry” he said chuckling a bit “see you in class tomorrow.”

“see you then! bye.” 

-the next day, in the hero wing, on the way to class-

“Thanks for escorting me to my class guys”

“No problem! we gotta stick together”

“yee, these heroes better step off when they see these sick moves”

We get to room 1-A and I turn to say see you later but Mimi tosses me over her shoulder and Jin entered the room.

“LISTEN UP YOU WANNABE HEROES! HURT OR MAKE OUR BABYGIRL CRY, WE WON’T HESITATE TO WHOOP YA ASS IN THE TRASH!” Jin said as Mimi walked in with me on her shoulder like I was a sack of potatoes. Everyone was confused on why and who are these kids? Mimi walks to my desk and lifts me off her by gripping my ribcage.

“ok have a good class session Ita, remember, we love you~”

“guys! you’re embarrassing me in front of people I won against, love you too tho”

They both portal out before Aizawa walked in. I sat down and I was taking my stuff out to take notes and I didn’t notice Kaminari getting up and putting an iced coffee on my desk. I look up and see him being goofy.

“Here’s a coffee as promised, the girl at the shop said you might like this, no idea whats the name of it but the girl was pretty cute”

“Oh cool, did you get her number?” I said as I took a sip, it was good but the coconut milk was a bit heavy handed.

He thought about it and exclaimed “dang it! I didn’t! now I feel dumb!”

“Hey Palma-san,”said Midoriya from his desk “can you teach me how to do that finishing move you did on Todoroki-kun?”

“YEAH! I’ve never heard of lucha libre fighting before!” Tokoyami butted in, “you make it look so powerful yet entertaining to look at”

“What other moves do you know? Who taught you? Your copy quirk is really powerful! How long did it take you to master your double powers? Come sit with us at lunch today!  Can you teach me how to make those delicious cookies you gave us? Can you send me your hypebeast playlist?” I got so many questions that I lost track on who asked what. But I was happy because they want to include me in their circle, even after what I did to their classmates.

“ok everyone settle down, I have the grades for the one on one’s from yesterday. Since some you did more than one spar. I posted your best fight”

I look at the overhead, I got a 20 out of 15 for my best fight, the one with Todoroki.

“As you can see, Miss Palma got extra points for showmanship, confidence and technique” He said panning to me “But thats what I expect from one of the prodigies in the Intelligence Program.”

“oh thank you sensei! You give me too much praise!”

“YOU’RE IN SECRET SERVICE?!” yelled Kirishima “and those other two that escorted you in, are your classmates, aren’t they?”

“ummm yea why does that matter?”

“Kirishima, now is not the time to ask her questions. Sit down before I send you to the principals office”

I start sweating, everyone started to like me just a moment ago. Everything calmed down and class resumed as usual. I start packing to head out and I hear running from outside the classroom. Mimi and Jin rush in.

“We came as fast as we could to escort you to lunch!”

“I made tamago zushi~”

“OH HELL YEA!” I holler at the idea of having that good good sweet egg.

“wait Palma-san,” said Kirishima as he grabbed my shoulder “sorry for my out burst earlier, I didn’t know you were, one of those students.”

“its alright, I didn’t share with yall what program I was in so its a shock to hear”

Kirishima wasn’t good at hiding his true emotions, I could tell he didn’t tell me sorry because he was sorry. He told me sorry because he didn’t trust me and didn’t want to seem like THAT guy. I don’t blame him.

“well see you tomorrow!”

“yeah, see ya!”

As I walk with Mimi and Jin, I think about what going to happen next now that everyone in class knows. Who’s going to confront me next? Who’s going to stick by me regardless? Things just got spicy when I ordered semi-sweet. Oof. 

-End Chapter 2-

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