#the three musketeers arc

[cinderella-ish]

no one: saki to shigure in the mabudachi trio arc: how dare you leave two horny teenagers unsupervised! shigure: 😮 saki 30 seconds later: also, your girlfriend needs to get laid, so go give her a good fucking! or else! shigure: yes ma'am

[cinemajunkie70]

The happiest of birthdays to Milla Jovovich!

[angstandhappiness]

@superstar97 To be fair this just proves that Oscar is smarter than the other two who kinda said the stupidest thing ever.

LMAO ACCURATE

*Yang, Jaune, and Oscar are on their way to save Ruby*

Yang: TOGETHER, WE’LL SAVE RUBY OR DIE TRYING!

Jaune: Yeah!

*Jaune and Yang run ahead, leaving Oscar where he’s standing*

Oscar: Die?

[alwaysakin]

The Vampire Diaries Universe Fic Recs

Once again putting my unhealthy amount of fanfic knowledge to good use. Here's my list (non-exhaustive) of the best vampire diaries & originals fanfics. Includes Klaroline, Bamon, Kolvina, and more.

Bamon Fics

Before I Take My Flesh Away by Orig1n - the fic where Bonnie and Damon are comically bonded, and she hops around in his timeline pre (and during) the series. Tragically unfinished, but completely incredible! Kudos for developing Stefan and Damon as brothers and making me not hate Lily Salvatore. Also love the Arthurian lore.

if you love me (don't let go) by sarcastic_fina - this is a heartbreaking deconstruction of Bonnie and her victim mentality, and shows the strength of not only her romantic relationship with Damon, but her friendships with Caroline, Matt, and Tyler. So sad, but so good!

Bloodstone by cactusfinch - Bonnie time travels to 1864 (with all the problems entailed). Her relationship with Damon is done well here, and her friendship (sort of!) with Katherine is fun as hell.

rest for the wicked (hope for the weary) by castelia - Damon and Bonnie go on a road trip together after the prison word. I am a sucker for mutual pining, and this fic does it so well!

Fifty-Five Years by turningofflights - written from Elena's perspective, after she reads Bonnie's diary entries and learns how Bonnie and Damon fell in love. A bittersweet, believable love story for Bonnie and Damon.

Other Bonnie Bennett Ship Fics

The Edge of Night by Szajnie - a crossover between season 3 of the Originals and season 7 of the Vampire Diaries, where Bonnie goes to New Orleans. She's absolutely in her element here as the most powerful New Orleans witch, takes the supernatural world by storm, and everyone has a happier ending because of it (including her!). Absolutely love her friendships with Davina, Vincent, and Freya, and shout-out for being the only fic to make me care about Cami! Truly, this is great. The NOLA gang is the family Bonnie deserves, and the Bonnie/Klaus is so believable.

Kai Parket Screwed Us (Until Bonnie Bennett Screwed Him) by hysteriaww - exactly what it sounds like. Bonnie shows up to help Josie and Lizzie deal with the prison world and her and Kai's insane relationship weirds everyone out. Deals with the Gemini Coven in a really interesting way. Hilarious, and with mild Damon and Alaric bashing. BonKai.

Season One, Epsidoes One-Three by BorgiaBabe - a rewrite of the first three episodes of TVD with Bonnie as a proper main character. Her love interest is a softer Kai, and it's great! Bonnie really deserves better.

the night light hits off, turning kisses to bites by donutworry - an insane, dark, twisted Bonnie and Kai romance, where they're the only ones in the prison world from the start. I absolutely love the Gemini Coven lore in this fic.

Klaroline Fics

Make them bow by for_darkness_shows_the_stars - Klaus appears in season 1 of the vampire diaries. it's Klaroline, but still super gen, and all the characters get their own compelling arcs in it. Especially love the way Elena and Stefan are written.

One of A Kind, Two of a Kind, or the Three Musketeers by Phandancee74 - Caroline is an ancient nymph who was erased from memory by Malivore. She still helps the Mystic Falls gang out (and her relationship with Bonnie is great)! The Klaus/Caroline is angsty and lovely.

Calling on a Friend by Phandancee74 - 5 year old Josie gets Klaus's number. Shenanigans ensue. Short and cute as hell.

Sanctuary in their Hearts by thatsanotherlovestory - Caroline leaves before the season 8 wedding, and heads to New Orleans with Klaus. A fun story, but still so sad Bonnie didn't get her happy ending in it. The twins are so cute in this.

Let's do the Time Loop again! by kcatdino - on the night of the sacrifice, both Klaus and Caroline get stuck in a time loop. It's so funny to watch them get more and more deranged.

sweet present of the present by VintageLilac - it's Caroline, not Rebekah, who raises Hope while New Orleans is at war. I absolutely love Katherine in this fic, and though Hayley gets the short end of the stick it's written quite well.

The Wolf by Yokan - a witch version of Caroline is the one pregnant with Klaus's baby in the originals. And while season 1 doesn't change a lot because of it, the later one's definitely do! I love the Klaus and Caroline relationship, and Caroline & Elijah friendship.

Elena Gilbert-Centric Fic

The stars were brightly shining by adlyb - a fic where Elena is pregnant with Klaus's baby. It's so hard to describe! A little twisted, a little sweet, and a thorough depiction of Elena's mental state.

The Forgotten by MissNMikaelson - Elena time travels and gets dropped in the middle of Klaus and Kol's war in New Orleans, circa 1914. The flashback scenes in the fic are great! Eventual Kol/Elena.

blame it on the stardust by allwritenow - the fic that looks into if Elena's doppelganger nature affected her more. And a truly beautiful Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena friendship.

Off by a Single Degree by Tarroko - when Elena's phone dies, Damon walks her home and never compels away her memories, and her parents never die. This softer, sweeter Elena is so believable, and I love the way canon immediately shifts. Amazing development of her parents, Anna, and Enzo. Delena.

Katherine Pierce Centric Fic

afflictions eclipsed by glory by passionesque - in 1864, right after the fire in Mystic Falls, Elijah finds Katherine. They team up together against Klaus. This deals with Katherine's trauma and cunning so well! A slow build to Elijah/Katherine, involving him acknowledging his faults.

General Mystic Falls Gang Fics

in another life (i would let you go) by sarcastic_fina - Elena wakes up in a world where she isn't the doppelganger and no one knows her. An interesting deconstruction of the affects she's had on her friends.. Manages to be both Elena-bashing and sympathetic at the same time. Minor Steroline and Bamon.

Originals Family Feels

It All Comes Crumbling Down by AlwaysAkin - can I do a self-rec? I'm doing a self-rec. Hope is born a century earlier, and grows up in New Orleans with the Mikaelsons. I'm particularly proud of my Hope-Marcel bond and young!Hope voice in this one.

A Twist Through Time by fandom_lover_101 - Hope is sent back in time to the Vampire Diaries season 3. She messes everything up. Absolutely love the slow Hope & Klaus relationship built here, and her friendship with Elena is cute too. Minor Klaroline, Delena, and Handon.

Always & Tomorrow by Viretta - another tragically unfinished fic. Set after Hope jumps into Malivore in Legacies, it involves the dead Mikaelsons being resurrected, and the kids from the Salvatore School travelling to New Orleans (with a newly activated tribrid Hope). This is a Mikaelson family story in the bloodiest, best way. Has Handon and Klaroline in addition to the canon originals couples.

if no one in the entire world cared about you (did you really exist at all?) by nevermore_evermore - Elijah is erased from the minds of everyone he loves. Kol is (eventually) there to help him through it. An interesting take on Elijah's place in the family.

A Million Mistakes by mon-amour-eternel - a fic where Caroline is also an original, and her and Klaus are Marcel's parents. Sadly unfinished, especially considering the rarity of Marcel-centric fic!

But Stand Brave, Life-Liver by crownjrose - A Hayley-centric fic! Her foster parents come to New Orleans and see the way her life turned out. Interesting closure for Hayley, and a sweet Klaus/Hayley relationship.

Kolvina Fic

(finally) you and me are the lucky ones by yorkes - a long one-shot where Kol and Davina are soulmates. It's cute as hell! And Kol and Davina really grow into each other in this one.

The Vixen and the Fox by BlueBooThalassophile - be warned, this read is long as hell. But it's also great. Davina time travels to the Vampire Diaries season 4, gets involved in the fight against Silas, and everything goes sideways immediately. Love Davina's friendship with Hayley and bond with Marcel in this one. Every character in both shows appears in this one.

[cata-strophes]

another for the three musketeers server event

dragon!wilbur is on his found family arc (aka kidnapping adopting a child bc his wings look like gold)

[mcsm-confessions]

this community is great and I love seeing everybody's specific enthusiasm for all the variegated characters in mcsm, but liking a character can't all just be vibes and personality, people. We need character arcs, backstory, motivations or fears and desires, a compelling and interesting place in the narrative, thematic foils!! If you love that obscure side character who has 3 lines of dialogue and appears in the tail end of a season 2 episode and ship them passionately with a deceased character from S1, do character exploration! find out or invent those deep-seated traumas that built their worldview and make them tick, see how their intertwined character arcs figure symbolically into the overarching narrative! i'm not saying you have to or it's any lesser if you don't, but i am saying it can be really rewarding to dig deeper for that potential and really explore

TL;DR i desperately crave more 200k longfics about block characters that push them to their limits and delve into the darkest and most fascinating aspects of humanity and the world... a jesstra longfic that's actually a subversion of the tragedy of orpheus and eurydice, a reinterpretation of the three musketeers except with jack, sammy and vos in the intervening years before the sea temple, you get the point

~~~

[hotmusketeerspoll]

Magnificent Musketeer Tournament

Constance Bonacieux Poll 2 - Round 2

Constance - Raquel Welch The Three Musketeers 1973, The Four Musketeers 1974

She has the intrigue. She has the political ties. She has the beauty. She has the married to a husband way too old for her, and in a world of M. Bonacieux being made into her father, we must applaud a Constance who survives a shit husband and gets into a bit of infidelity. Maybe more than a bit. We also get to see the whole of her kidnapping arc. In terms of book fidelity 73/74 really are doing the most, but Constance in particular stands out as a character who is often shafted, being allowed to do her whole thing with neither reduction or exaggeration. Queen.

Constance - Julie Delpy The Three Musketeers 1993

93's book accuracy is all but nonexistent, but judging on just what we're presented with, I love this Constance so much. She's witty, she's gracious, she's besties with the Queen, she participates in the final fight. She could be doing more to drive the plot forward, but I like the glimpses we get of her as a political player; 93 is just too focused on swashing buckles to let any of that play out when Curry isn't on-screen. I'm giving this Constance extra points because she is French and her accent is so lovely.

The complete list of entrants can be found here.

More information & links to the other polls here.

Additional Propaganda under the cut

Raquel Welch:

This was the first version of the story I saw and I remember thinking she was so gorgeous. Looking back as an adult she was. She is also genuinely very funny and while a bit of a damsel in distress still manages to be a fun character  I also got incredibly upset when [redacted] in the second film. That scene stayed with me for a long time

Julie Delpy:

She’s introduced by pulling a gun on D’Artagnan, if that doesn’t sell you on her, I don’t know what will.

[racefortheironthrone]

Speaking of swashbuckling, do you know of any context in which a modern reader should approach Man in the Iron Mask (besides being the end of a larger work, and also loosely influenced by history)? I found it surprisingly anti-climactic (titular character is barely in it), and a Shoot the Shaggy Dog Story where no good deed goes unpunished and all schemers get away scot free. Notably, all film adaptations have made the story more heroic. Is there some historical context I'm missing?

I don't know if I quite agree with your description - The Man in the Iron Mask is not a full story, but as you said the "end of a larger work." So to that extent, I think it's a mistake to think of the titular MITIM as a "character" - he's a MacGuffin, a catalyst for the larger conflict between Fouquet and Colbert, who are the real drivers of the plot that results in the tragic downfall of the Musketeers.

Indeed, I would argue the emotional heart of the story is the breakdown of the bonds between Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and d'Artagnan. D'Artagnan is forced to choose between his duty to Louis XIV and his friendship with Athos, under Fouquet's influence Aramis becomes d'Artagnan's enemy and arguably the main villain of the story, Porthos has to choose between Aramis and d'Artagnan - and in the final conflict Porthos is killed, Aramis is consumed by remorse, Athos dies of a broken heart, and only d'Artagnan gets a "good ending," becoming Marshal of France before dying a heroic death at the siege of Maastricht.

I think calling this a shoot the shaggy dog story is a bit unfair, because Dumas was writing historical fiction. D'Artagnan, d'Aramitz, de Porthau, and d'Athos were real people and really were close friends, and I would argue the Dumas stories give them a far more interesting and evocative arc than what happened in real life - Athos died in a random duel only three years after meeting d'Artagnan, Porthos resigned from the Musketeers to take up a significant judicial office in the provincial Parlement of Navarre and Béarn, and Aramitz retired from the Musketeers to become an abbot in Béarn. D'Artagnan's death at Maastricht was a famous historical event of its time and couldn't be changed.

[darkcrowprincess]

The losers club favorite barbie movies:

Eddie: Barbie as Rapunzel. Because he can relate to Rapunzel's feelings of being trapped and a prisoner by their parent. Plus dragons are cool

Mike: Barbie in the twelve dancing princesses. Mike has a soft spot for tthe theme of family and strength. Makes him think of the losers.

Richie: Barbie and the diamond castle. Because of how gay the movie it is. Richie has day dreams of running away with Eddie and having a life of their own. With maybe a couple of dogs.

Ben: Barbie in the Nutcracker. Ben is a romantic.

Beverley: Barbie and the three musketeers. She loves the outfits, the swords, and the music.

Stan: Barbie in princess and the pauper. I kind of like to headcanon that Stan has a soft spot for musicals. Plus he loves the song if you love me for me.

Bill: Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus. Mostly because of the arc between the siblings. Plus flying horses.

(Don't like don't read. Post hate and I'll block you)

[killuakiru]

‧₊˚🖇️✩ ; Introduction ; ₊˚🎧⊹♡

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁꩜ .ᐟ ; About my blog !

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☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 Personal !

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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁꩜ .ᐟ ; End of Introduction !

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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁꩜ .ᐟ ; Next : Organized Masterlist ; HERE

[dangermousie]

This is not that unusual a backstory for a protagonist of one of those revenge/mystery narratives but I love that the drama goes "but what if the protagonist found out that his pain was for your entertainment?"

The problem with creating a determined protagonist is that he will be determined no matter what - the artist DESIGNED him incapable of giving up, and that ends up being the trap for the artist himself.

And the other thing I find interesting - YJ being sucked into the story to save Kang Cheol - is it the narrative trying to right itself - because the artist killing KC before KC finds who killed his family and gets his revenge is bad writing, it's against the drive of the story, it's against KC's character arc, against all norms of storytelling. It's the story trying to remain consistent and coherent. But also! I wonder if this is when the world of the comic goes awry, awry enough for YJ to be pulled in - because by messing with narrative logic and arcs, this turns the world of the comic real - in fiction there are clear narrative arcs, clear expectations but in real world there aren't - there is no protagonist, and someone can get killed before he finds out the truth, meaninglessly because real life does not obey fictional rules. By deciding to do such an illogical in terms of any storytelling rules thing as killing KC randomly before he finds out the truth and avenges, the artist drags this into the real world, where this can indeed happen, there are no rules.

I do love that yes, Kang Cheol ends up finding out who did in his family - he finds the writer!

PS The writer of this drama, Song Jae Jung, is one of my all time favorites - I didn't watch Yumi's Cells because it's not my concept but she did this, she did Memories of the Alhambra, she did Queen In Hyun's Man, she did Three Musketeers, she did Coffee House. That's a hell of a run. (She also did Nine which I have not yet watch but plan to, I've heard great things about it.)

[atopvisenyashill]

i'm intrigued in what ways do you think hotd can massively change the ending of the war? (without it being the obvious rhaenyra lives)

mind you this is complete tinfoil hatery here!!! it’s like a combo of “i’m too online” and “i’m too paranoid” and “i know condal & hess have their own opinions on the books and they are as dedicated as they are weird” SO these are the ones i kinda get squinty eyed suspicious over and i have noticed others being suspicious as well-

driftmark inheritance - like i said this COULD be them twisting the knife a little more re: corlys’ bastards but i have wondered if rhaenys pushing for rhaena and baela is hinting towards one of them, likely baela, inheriting out and out.

battle of the gullet - i’ve wondered if they’re going to push it so jace stays alive longer, like as far as rhaenyra’s rule in king’s landing

jace has a baby - i’ve seen both that he & baela will have a kid and THAT kid will take over driftmark, OR be aegon iii’s wife instead of jaehaera/daenaera. i’ve also seen sara snow shows up, her & jace get hitched, and cregan legitimizes the kid to be his own heir? i think all three of these are a stretch but it also feels like the weird shit they’d do?

with that said i do also wonder if they don’t cut daenaera or kill jaehaera during the war to give aegon iii just one wife

rhaenyra doesn’t die - okay listen. i know i’m like basically tb and you’re all thinking “this bitch is just huffing copium” but i have wondered if they’d soften it by having rhaenyra like, live in self imposed exile/fake her death/some sort of abdication in favor of her sons, and justify it as being closer to what happened to matilda. tbc i don’t want this to happen bc i think condal & hess would do a terrible job with it lol

i actually had the thought that rhaenicent might run off together. you know that scene in versailles where that recurring secret protestant girl ran off with her noble friend and the musketeer let them? i was picturing something like that. tbf i was high when i started feeling this one was likely.

these are the ones i’ve seen people yelling about that i just feel are too far fetched-

streets are saying jace & corlys are basically gonna attempt an overthrow of rhaenyra, i don’t think this is likely, i think this is people being dramatic over the scenes where the three of them are fighting after rook’s rest

i’ve actually seen a theory that hotd is meant to be a soft reboot for the entire series and it’s a jump off into a REDO of the main series and once again, feels like cope, but!!! they reboot spiderman & x-men every 3-5 business days!!!

the sara snow thing is specifically about the catspaw dagger btw

daemon survives the fight with aemond and lives in hiding forever

rhaenyra straight up lives, is crowned, wins, and rules with aegon the younger as her heir.

one of the velaryon boys will live altho everyone kinda hems and haws about WHICH one

if you’re like “these seem insane” a) yeah b) they’ve done not one but TWO groucho marx esque disguises this season and i KNOW the cargylls are canon but come on i feel they’re getting silly. and again, respect for condal, but he was the one who defended the sansa bolton story arc!!

[wolfyaka]

Has anybody else been overanalyzing All Might's hallucinations? Because I have and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this:

All Might has literally said twice that they are hallucinations and that those are things he's telling himself, so either for some weird reason he just can't and won't accept these are actually Nana and Nighteye talking to him (which would be weird but it would explain how Nighteye knew that was the actual vision) or they are indeed representing his own mind, which is clearly divided. I'm not saying he's two different people, of course, All Might and Toshinori are one and the same, but he does have a complex and contrasting personality and he can oscillate, just like he shows different aspects of himself as All Might and Toshinori.

Either way, if that's the case, I believe Nana represents his heroic, self-sacrificing to a fault self, always pushing him to keep going no matter what, which we saw in the two fights with AFO actually, and which makes sense because that's what she represented as well; and then, there's Nighteye, which represents his humanity, his fragility and in the end, his inherent value as a human being, his right to live; which is beautiful considering Nighteye is probably the first person that actually cared for his life and worried enough to have an argument with him, mind you, I don't agree with the way he handled it, but his heart was in the right place and he did what he thought was the best.

Which leads me to All Might's mindset when acting. I believe in this whole arc after he retired, he struggled with those two sides:

At times understanding his life was worth protecting and wanting to do so. Pushing himself to believe he could change his destiny and thinking of ways to do so, that is, when he promised to live to Izuku's mom, when he told AFO he'd keep living, when he made the promise to bend his destiny with Izuku, when he talked to Aizawa and said he had decided to live, when he decided to ask Melisa for help, when he used his student's quirks as support, when he started streaming his battle and just being aware of people asking him to live.

But at times, there was also the feeling that his life made no sense without helping as a field hero, mourning how weak his human body was, falling into depression, still craving to hold on to his dream, to his heroic core, and in that, doubting that he'd be able to bend his own destiny because in the end, he'd go as far as it was needed, and that, ultimately, it was fine because that was the heroic thing to do.

I believe he went into the fight with AFO with both mindsets at the same time and that's why in his hallucination he jokes about the mentor being meant to die, just for himself to answer back that no, that's just for comics, heroes are human too.

Also, as a side note, I love that the way Izuku's and All Might's destinies changed, wasn't because they stopped being crazy heroic (which yeah probably don't do that in real life, but hey, they did risk their lives for a very huge, good reason), it was because they allowed other people in, to be inspired, to care, and to help and save them, be it with their wishes and will or directly like Eri in Izuku's case and Bakugo in All Might's case. It seems so beautifully poetic, just like someone else said with the wordplay of the Three Musketeers, they gave "One for all", and everyone gave them "All for one" back, which is what society needed to begin with; the fault wasn't in All Might carrying everything on his shoulders per se, it was that he felt the need to do so because a lot of people didn't care enough to move one finger, like we saw with Shigaraki.

By the way... this expression is everything I ever wanted T^T

[sisyphean-torment]

imagine you're watching barbie movies in a discord call and you get to the three musketeers and you see that hot air balloon scene and someone says scarian and then you black out and when you fade back in, ears ringing, blinking static from your vision, you discover 1.7k in your docs that wasn't there before anyway, have an unrelated teaser for an unrelated fic

“I’m not sure-” “Just toss me up a sword,” Grian interrupted, making grabby hands. Scar and Mumbo looked at him for a moment. Tentatively, Mumbo took out his sword, looked down at it, then up at them. He was sweating. Slowly, as if waiting for someone to stop him, he pulled his arm back like he was throwing a baseball, and tried to huck it. The sword arced, peaked, and fell a few feet away. Grian’s hands remained mercifully empty. They all stared at the sword. “…I can try again?” Mumbo offered. “Hold on,” Scar said instead. “Grian, I have a present for you.”

[jadedbirch]

The Three Musketeers (2023) - Part 1: d'Artagnan

Directed: Martin Bourboulon

Starring: Vincent Cassel, Eva Green, François Civil 

First of all, you do not know the struggle we had to go through to even get our eyeballs on this movie! Only die hard Dumas idiots like me would have even bothered 🤦🏻‍♀️. Finally, we had to buy it from AppleTV. Anywho, below is my live blog of the latest French nonsense! I make a point of tutoring myself watching as many 3 Musketeers adaptations as possible, regardless of the psychological damage, and I kind of have high hopes for this one despite the fact that I can already tell they cast more for 20 Years After than for The 3 Musketeers. But I'm willing to pretend there are no good, young actors in France (because there's no other way to explain these casting choices) for the sake of my own sanity. The rest of my babbling and movie spoilers will be below the cut!

I see we start the movie in 1627, which already makes me laugh 🤣. The book famously starts in 1625 and then they time skip a year and a half into the future because I guess Dumas remembered that the war starts in 1627. Alex was the king of inexplicable time skips and I see the movie has chosen to stick to history rather than literary canon 👌🏻.

Everything is cold, dark, and wet. I have no idea what's going on, or who this blond woman is, or why d'Artagnan is coming back from the dead. But I'm always in favor of immortal abominations 😈.

It does entertain me that Eric Ruf, who played Aramis in an earlier French adaptation, plays Richelieu in this one. Nice touch.

LOL d'Artagnan gate crashing the musketeer headquarters all "I'm not Soviet, the French do not stand in line!" Anyways, he's authentically obnoxious, which I like, although clearly also 20 years too old.

I feel like this is an AU that takes place before they invented soap and also dyes, which is hilarious because if they're going for historical accuracy, this is just what the plebs think looks "authentic". Why are these men all so dirty and old? At least they make fun of Athos being a thousand years old in the movie, but why is Jussac also so ancient? And still serving in the guards? Life expectancy back then was like 25, but surely no one would be serving in the army past the age of 50, which was like Ancient for the 1600s, even among nobility.

I must laugh at the fact that Athos straight up introduces himself to d'Artagnan as Athos de Sillegue, le comte de La Fère. So, I see we are just going to go there 🤭🤭🤭. This changes his story arc completely though, stay tuned for my whinging. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Absolutely incredible, legendary , A++, 11000/10: bisexual Porthos waking up in bed with a lady and a dude after a night of debauchery! Chef's fucking kiss! I forgive the fact that there are no young people in France.

Aramis, so far is very Murder Kitten. I do wish he'd wash his face more and do something about his guyliner (I feel like he should have just committed to MORE MAKEUP frankly because the guyliner alone is odd), but c'est la vie, I guess.

Plus one point for Athos getting wrongly arrested, minus twenty points for making Athos a Protestant WTF? And in what world would a nobleman of Athos' lineage get sentenced to death for stabbing an unknown woman? This is all so silly! (I do have to give Milady points for just like fucking with him so fantastically. Plus one revenge point to Milady.)

Aramis torturing a guy to save Athos is honestly 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 11/10 Murder Kitten, automatic plus one point.

This is all incredibly Dramatique, as much as it strains credulity. I love it when modern directors decide that they can write better "action" than Dumas himself. I'm just sitting here screaming "Why would you have that conversation where anyone can hear you!" Minus one point.

I must say Constance and d'Artagnan have a much more believable romance here than in the book. Plus 5 non-creeper points.

(Please I can't stop looking at how old all these Musketeers are 😅😅😅)

Okay so they've also given Athos a BROTHER. Who is part of a Protestant conspiracy. This is all so fucking crazy, I don't even know what to say. Am I watching the musketeers or La Reine Margot? 🤔

Incidentally, the King also gets a brother! Everyone gets a brother! J/K at least the King really did have a historical brother. Athos just gets fucked with in this movie a lot. Automatic minus one point for unnecessary siblings.

WHY must you all insist on having these super SECRET conversations in the middle of a public square where literally anyone can hear you? Minus one dumbass point.

And now d'Artagnan must go to England.... Alone? Because it's more heroic this way? Ambushed by ghost squirrels in the woods? Oh no, that's just Athos, lurking in the woods, as one does. "All misery comes from love." Thanks, Old Man Lush.

This revisionist tale of Milady's past is all very convenient but I FUCKING HATE IT every single time they try to do this in modern adaptations. Let Milady Be Evil 2023! But I see that you will not. Listen, it's not "feminist" to turn the villain into the victim. I'm so tired. 🤦🏻‍♀️ These misguided attempts at feminism really do not do her any favors, she has a lot more agency as simply the Really Bad Girl who just wanted money and power. Minus 5 points for not letting Milady have any fun and minus another 10 points for giving her an abusive ex-husband!

As for Athos, IMO it's always much more compelling to let him be the guy who tried to kill his beloved wife for betraying him, than to make him the spineless man who turns her over to the authorities for Handwavium. Yes, it's pretty fucked up. But it's much more humanizing and makes him a darker, more interesting character. And I will always maintain that.

(This movie is so fucking dark, all the scenes take place at night or in some cthonic tunnels or prisons ffs have mercy on my eyes!)

Oh dear, here we go again. Milady taking a Dramatique - and completely unnecessary - dive off a cliff. Only this time, we know she doesn't die because.... She can swim? And definitely will not have all her bones broken by that 1000 ft fall. Minus 20 points for lazy writing.

(My God, everyone is so dirty, you would think they never did their laundry in France 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Ironically, the only well lit scene takes place in what looks like the Notre Dame which is just very silly as that place is a sepulcher.

(Once again, we are advancing the plot by having super secret conversations conducted in the middle of the palace with an open door where anyone can see and hear you plotting 🤦🏻‍♀️ Minus one petty point.)

Okay, so poor Constance has been kidnapped, and our young hero (who is already a Lieutenant because he and his pals conveniently saved the King's life in a plot twist that was very necessary in other to return Athos to favor in this version) lies unconscious in the streets. They probably didn't even try to kill him this time because they know he's immortal. And speaking of people who just won't die, in a mid-credits scene, it is confirmed that Milady is indeed, very much Not Dead Yet. Surprise! The scene is now set for war in The Three Musketeers: Part 2: Milady.

In summary:

I tallied up my totally random points and ended up with a score of -51, which is Not Good, my friends.

Okay, so I've seen much worse? It's better than Atrocity in 3D, for example, which was just barely watchable as a film and as an adaptation. But they changed so much about the plot and some of the main characters, that it doesn't really feel true to the spirit of the book at this point, which is my main criteria for measuring whether an adaptation is successful. And the main reasons for that are because it's much darker and grittier and less fun than the novel. Which - Quelle domage!

I know that as an unrepentant Athos fangirl, I tend to be biased, so I was trying to be on guard (heheh get it?) for my own biases while watching this. But it's really difficult when Ya Boy is such an integral part of the novel as well as this particular adaptation. And so I must regrettably come back to what a shame it is that they've cast a 60 year old Athos (Vincent Cassel is 57 and he's a fabulous actor whom I've loved in many of his worlks), and I feel like they had to rewrite his character to be more age appropriate and less of the drunken asshole he is in Dumas' first d'Artagnan book. But that's the asshole I fell in love with, and will stan forever. Without him going around beating his servant, indulging his gambling addiction, and being a sarcastic pain in everyone's ass, it's just a completely different story.

Pros:

Hot Eva Green!

bisexual Porthos!

d'Artagnan is given a much less creepy love story with Constance (and I assume he will also not be nonconning Milady in this adaptation)

The King and Queen are much more humanized and sympathetic here.

Cons:

Visually really drab, everything is brown, everyone is dirty.

Very little humor unlike in the novel and some other adaptations.

EVERYONE IS WAY TOO OLD, which changes the feeling of the story significantly, and IMO for the worse, because these people are just not allowed to have fun, and subsequently, neither is the audience.

I will still absolutely be here for Part 2 because I am a masochist!

Grade: B- as a piece of art, but a C as an adaptation of the Dumas classic.

[howhow326]

Miraculous Ladybug Persona AU because why not!

Marinette

Associated Arcana: Fool (cuz duh), Justice (her main arcana when it's not fool), Magician? (she's good at arts and crafts, I guess)

Initial Persona: Joan of Arc (hands down, her persona, no argument)

Adrien

Associated Arcana: Emperor? (like reversed Emperor where he has no control over his life), Empress? (like reversed empress where he stopped enjoying life kind of and also cuz he's girl coded), Moon (me on my "Adrien's true self is himself and Chat Noir" bs), Magician? (he's good at stuff???)

Initial Persona: Petit Prince (apparently Adrien's story is based on this one)

Alya

Associated Arcana: High Pristess (cuz High Pristess is all about listening to your inner voice and Alya's biggest character moments are listening to her conscious and acting on that), Justice (the whole reason she's a journalist)

Initial Persona: Josephine Baker (I kinda struggled with this one cuz Google dosen't make it easy to research Martinique and I didn't want to do something lame like "Renard the fox lol". I typed up "black woman spy" into Google [because Alya's other story is being Marinette's best friend which is lame] and Josephine was the first French result I got. She was the first black woman movie star and she also spied on the Axis powers for France during WW2. France also gave her the title "Creole Goddess" which scares me)

Chloe

Associated Arcana: Devil (this is what Astruc would give her lol. It also fits cuz Devil is giving in to your vices and Chloe can't stop doing that), Lovers (cuz it'sabout making a choice between two options and aticking with that and Chloe does that both times she's the big bad of the episode), Empress (cuz Chloe is rich and enjoys her life I guess)

Initial Persona: Marie Antoinette (cuz I am 99% Chloe is based on her and it kinda for a meta perspective on Chloes story where she is the scape goat for even worse villains)

Nino

Associated Arcana: Emperor (he's the leader of the resistance i guess), Heriophant? (he gives good advice like 3 times in the series?) , Chariot (the lame answer: he shares character traits with Chie and Ryuji)

Initial Persona: Alexandre Dumas (I was drawing blanks again cuz Nino's only story [outside of being Adrien's best friend] is the resistance stuff so I looked up black people in the French revolution and this the guy I got. Fun fact, he's the father of the guy who wrote three musketeers apparently, I was really not expecting that)

Luka

Associated Arcana: Heriophant (fits it better than Nino), High Pristress (I still think Alya fits this arcana but Luka is rolling in this cards symbolisim with listening to people's inner music and having the miraculous of Intuition)

Initial Persona: Orpheus (cuz Im lame. Marinette is his Eurydice cuz she left him)

Kagami

Associated Arcana: I have no freaking clue this time Magician?????

Initial Persona: Tomoe (cuz Im lame and it's her mom's name)

Lila

Associated Arcana: Moon (cuz what the heck else would she even have? Jester???)

Initial Persona: Coco Chanel (because eff that nazi spy. And it futhers the duality thing that Alya and Lila used to have before they retconed Lila)

Felix

Associated Arcana: Justice (he's a crazy justice boy you cant convince me otherwise)

Initial Persona: Loki (WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE)