#the thing they don't understand is often associated with autistic traits; but okay don't be weird because it makes you a possible monster

[penwrythe]

now with the thing posted, i can finally go to bed.

I had trouble sleeping last night ahhhhhhh

[transastronautistic]

My therapist recommended the Divergent Conversations podcast to me, where two neurodivergent therapists discuss, well, neurodivergence. She specifically recommended this episode on alexithymia.

I'd already known about alexithymia — which broadly is difficulty identifying & describing emotions — but there's a lot more to it than I'd realized! So I thought I'd jot down the most interesting bits of this episode's conversation:

First off, I learned I've been pronouncing alexithymia wrong lol; it's uh-lex-ih-THIGH-me-uh.

1 in 10 people have alexithymia! It's not just an autism thing! But at least 50% of autistics have it; and somewhere between 20-45% of ADHDers do

Some of the traits people associate with autism are actually alexithymia things, including difficulty with recognizing emotions on faces or voices and difficulties with empathy. — In studies, autistics who don't have alexithymia do as well at those things as allistics in the study do.

Alexithymia makes emotional regulation hard because you don't notice the subtle shifts / increases in your emotions until suddenly you're exploding. E.g. on an "emotions scale" you don't notice you're not at a 1 anymore till you're "suddenly" at a 10

This is why a lot of us will, in the moment, not process that something's upset us, and only later realize "oh hey, that wasn't okay" — which NTs/people without alexithymia may interpret as us having "lied" / hidden our true feelings in the moment, when that isn't the case!

Because we struggle with in-the-moment fleeting emotions, a lot of us compensate by getting good at reflective emotions — which brings our emotions into our prefrontal cortex and requires time. We'll analyze every angle of a conversation after the fact, and only then conclude what we should feel / start to feel the emotions. — This can cause conflict in relationships because we'll be unable to access our emotions in the middle of an emotionally charged moment/conversation, and therefore not respond "appropriately" / seem cold :/

One of the therapists, Megan, notes how special interests are one place autistics often can access our emotions easily in the moment!

Stimming is also a way we help connect our minds, emotions, and bodies when it's a struggle

But basically, having alexithymia, feeling like you have to analyze every situation from every angle after the fact, takes a lot of cognitive energy; it's exhausting.

Finally, below the readmore, I'll paste an anecdote the guest shared that describes how neurotypicals seem to "feel" their way through conversations and thus come to a kind of shallow conclusion about it, versus how people with alexithymia analyze it from every angle, which takes way longer but leaves you open to considering others' perspectives (in my view at least).

THOMAS HENLEY: ...If you study neurotypicals...I think there's a lot of situations where we give ourselves a hard time for not understanding certain things. Like, neurotypicals tend to talk a lot about things like 'read the room,' and 'understand the hidden meaning,' and understand things just from the flow of the conversation. 

But from my experience, particularly in the workplace, or within friend groups, a lot of people that you talk to individually after those big sort of group conversations, they have completely different ideas of what's gone on. And I felt like, you know, we do have that drive to try and find that certainty out, specifically around emotions and social things, which are inherently so uncertain and emotional. It can be kind of hard for us. And it's kind of one of those things that I think a lot of neurotypicals, they go with what they feel from the situation. And then, that's 'the truth.' But compare and contrast each person in a certain group conversation, it's completely different.

It's just that we like to know exactly what happened, and exactly what people are wanting, and exactly what they're trying to say.

[thatlavenderblue]

Okay I'm gonna vent for once because I'm really fucking sad and angry at the same time

So today, my little sister who is two years younger than me lost a cute rock she was really attached to. My mom spend some time looking for it in the entire house, car, etc. When my mom mentioned it at dinner, my dad said he felt so sorry for her and talked about how she was attached to it and how bad it must feel. My sister was visibly sad and at one point my mom went '' oh poor baby, I don't know how to end your sadness''. Like both of my parents were really compassionate and concerned and helped her try to find the rock.

The thing is, I also had a pet rock when I was way younger than her and when I lost it I wasn't met with the same compassion at all. My mom tried to comfort me and spent 10 minutes asking me where I left it. But that was it.

The reason why I'm feeling angry is becaude I brought up the story with my pet rock, how I loved it and how sad I was when I lost it to show her that I understood how she felt. And my sister's réponse to literally say '' yeah but you didn't love it as much as I did''... Bitch you were like 4 at the time so how do you remember?? Also this rock named Gertrude was my comfort object and it meant so much to me. I was devastated and I' m still looking for it up to this day. It really pisses me off that she's getting all the attention when in the same situation I was disregarded and wasn't supported.

And second, between us two I've always been the more sensitive child. The one that would cry over the littlest things, the one that would give names to every objects and adopt sticks as pets. And I am also the most obviously neurodivergent one. So I was the one being bullied at school for literally existing. I had to mask so hard that I hated myself. I suffered from this and as an undiagnosed autistic child it was really fucking hard to grow up in this harsh environment. Meanwhile, everytime that I was laughed at for something, my sister could do the exact same thing and get supported, encouraged and praised by everyone around her. She never knew what it was like to be bullied for being quirky because when it was her doing it, it was seen as cool and unique.

Also what I kind of despise about her is that I'm unable to tell if she's neurodivergent and really masking or if she's just copying a couple of my autistic traits. Because my sister has always been copying me from day 1. Everything she does is something I've done before and I hate it because again, I'm getting the side eyes and she's getting the applauds. She '' has'' a couple of neurodivergent traits like sensitivity, associating numbers with colors?, stims, and some stronger interests but she doesn' t have the more inconvenient ones. When I have sensory issues she looks at me like I'm an alien and tells me to get over it. She doesn't understand when I talk about my experiences. And she doesn't seem to be affected but any of her traits in social situations or in her personal life. So to me it seems that she has a couple of traits, some that she may have picked for me, but not enough or at least not very impactful ones that could make her more obviously neurodivergent. She appears more ADHD to me but again, either her traits are not enough in number or her masking is too good, but she doesn't have enough strong traits to make it visible.

Anyway, I'm very frustrated right now because my feelings were invalidated too often and now I'm too emotionally repressed :/

[princesssarisa]

Character ask: The Youth Who Went Forth to Learn What Fear Is

Tagged by @ariel-seagull-wings

Favorite thing about them: The sheer comedy of his nonchalant responses to terrifying things. Not only is he never afraid, he doesn't even treat the ghosts, goblins, and horrors he faces as anything out of the ordinary. That's the key to the story's humor.

Least favorite thing about them: The fact that he has seemingly no interest in working to help support his family unless it will teach him how to shudder. Of course laziness is a typical trait of rags-to-riches peasant heroes in fairy tales, but I'm glad the adaptations tend to downplay it and just make him quirky instead.

Also, while the ending is funny, with the princess finally making him shudder by drenching him in cold water filled with wriggling minnows, it's slightly disappointing that he never does learn to feel fear. It's no wonder that adaptations tend to change the ending so that something finally does scare him: whether touchingly (e.g. in The Storyteller's episode "Fearnot," when he finds his sweetheart dying of grief from his absence) or humorously (e.g. in Faerie Tale Theatre's "The Boy Who Left Home to Find Out About the Shivers," with his nervousness about getting married).

Three things I have in common with them:

*I tend to feel different from other people. (autism)

*I sometimes don't understand things that most people understand perfectly well. (again, autism)

*Sometimes my different way of thinking causes problems, but at other times it's actually helpful.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I'm far from fearless.

*My parents have never kicked me out.

*I'm female.

Favorite line:

When he sees the half-man fall down the chimney:

"Hey, you need another half still; one is not enough." 

From the 1947 Let's Pretend radio adaptation, after the princess "teaches him how to shiver" with a bucket of ice water at the end:

"W-w-well, f-f-f-for Pete’s sake, t-t-t-teach me how to stop!"

From the Faerie Tale Theatre adaptation, in response to a zombie trying to scare him:

"One other thing. About your howl? I think you're using your voice wrong. You want to build from here. (points to his stomach) Right? You want to build from here. (pokes the zombie in the stomach - his hand squishes right through his skin) Sorry... Listen to me. From here. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! You try it.

brOTP: None in the Grimms' tale. But in the loose adaptation from Jim Henson's The Storyteller, "Fearnot," there's Mr. McKay, the cunning tinker who leads him to the scary places, initially just for money, but who eventually becomes his true friend.

OTP: The princess, or in Storyteller adaptation, his village sweetheart Lidia.

nOTP: Any of the monsters he meets.

Random headcanon: He's autistic. Now of course this is an anachronistic viewpoint; he's just meant to be a lucky fool, like so many other peasant boys in fairy tales. But the fact that he specifically can't relate to an emotion which comes naturally to everyone else, that he doesn't pick up on the emotional vibes that other people do in key situations, and that he has a hyperfixation (learning to shudder) and no interest in practical things that don't relate to that fixation... well, all those things sound familiar.

Viewing him from this perspective, I feel better about the fact that he never learns to feel fear: he'll always be different and that's okay.

Unpopular opinion: I don't think I have one, because his story isn't particularly well known. The best I can think of is that it deserves to be retold more often, especially around Halloween: its blend of spookiness and comedy is underrated.

Song I associate with them: None at the moment.

Favorite picture of them:

This illustration by Albert Weisgerber, showing him riding in the moving bed:

This illustration by H.J. Ford, showing the scene where the sexton tries to scare him disguised as a ghost:

This picture of the same scene by Maurice Sendak:

This illustration of the bowling scene (I don't know the artist):

This illustration by Arthur Rackham:

This illustration by Dagmar Hermann:

Peter MacNicol in the 1984 Faerie Tale Theatre adaptation, "The Boy Who Left Home to Find Out About the Shivers":

Reece Dinsdale in the 1987 adaptation from Jim Henson's The Storyteller, "Fearnot":

Tim Oliver Schultz in the 2014 adaptation from the German series Sechs auf einen Strech:

[mischiefmanifold]

I posted 3,707 times in 2021

238 posts created (6%)

3469 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 14.6 posts.

I added 260 tags in 2021

#syscourse - 32 posts

#💠 reblogs - 29 posts

#actuallydid - 28 posts

#endogenic - 28 posts

#signal boost - 26 posts

#autism - 25 posts

#dissociative identity disorder - 23 posts

#actuallyautistic - 23 posts

#funnies - 23 posts

#endogenic systems - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#it took us a long time to come to terms with the fact that we don’t have to share anything we don’t want to

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I have to say something.

On Instagram, we've seen quite a few systems include alter triggers in their alter intros. This is very concerning to us.

You should never share your triggers with people online, especially people you don't know online, ESPECIALLY your entire following and whoever else stumbles upon your post.

Sharing your triggers is a shortcut to random dicks triggering you on purpose just because they can.

Please keep your system safe.

- Dean

222 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 22:57:29 GMT

#4

reminder that dissociation is a spectrum and that dissociation in and of itself is not necessarily a symptom of an illness

it’s when the dissociation gets to the point where it’s interfering with daily life that it may be a symptom of something more

dissociation ranges from

“zoning out” (for example, during a car ride or when bored in class)

to

dissociative disorders like DID

223 notes • Posted 2021-11-08 01:03:45 GMT

#3

I'm so fucking frustrated with people.

Ever since Texas' temperatures have plummeted and everything's been in chaos, people in other states that deal with this routinely have been making fun of us and calling us dramatic.

What do y'all not get?

We've NEVER had anything like this. We can't cope with this as well as someone up north could. So many people are without power, without water. People are fucking dying.

"Well you voted for this!!" Bullshit. Texas is suppressing voters. The majority of us didn't vote for this.

People's suffering isn't funny. It's not a joke. It was okay at first, since I only saw Texans making jokes about it, but now people are dying.

Don't lump every single person in Texas into one group. If you're not going to offer advice or help, fuck off.

277 notes • Posted 2021-02-17 03:46:41 GMT

#2

time for the daily "is my memory loss related to autism, adhd, cptsd, or did?" freakout session

463 notes • Posted 2021-04-16 02:03:37 GMT

#1

Autism versus ADHD

The biggest difference between autism and ADHD is that autism is associated with social difficulties and sensory issues and ADHD is associated with attention, organization, hyperactivity-impulsivity, and memory issues.

AUTISM

Difficulty with sarcasm & jokes

Difficulty understanding or processing nonverbal communication

Difficulty forming and keeping relationships

Hyper or hypo sensitivity to any of the five senses

Need for structure/stability

Rigid, fixed interests (SpIns)

Difficulty with eye contact (ranges from uncomfortable with eye contact to prolonged staring)

Difficulty sustaining small talk or casual conversation

ADHD

Difficulty sustaining attention

Gets sidetracked easily

Trouble with organization

Loses things easily

Easily distracted

Forgetful

Object impermanence

Fidgeting

Unable to play or take part in casual activities quietly

Completes others' sentences or tends to interrupt other people

Trouble waiting their turn

Often interrupts or intrudes on others (can be with games or conversations)

May take over what other people are doing

May take or use other people's things without asking

Unable to or is uncomfortable sitting still for extended periods of time

Restless or hard to keep up with

BOTH AUTISM & ADHD

Executive dysfunction

Not thinking about others before speaking or doing something (not out of malice)

14% of people with ADHD are also autistic (cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/data.html)

If you experience autistic traits and have ADHD, please look into autism.

Don't spread misinformation about autistic and ADHD traits.

This is a reformatted version of my Twitter thread on the same subject. Please credit me if you would like to share it to other platforms (@/eth0sien on Instagram and @/abysmal.system on TikTok)

1841 notes • Posted 2021-06-09 18:34:36 GMT

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