#the themes go so strong I will be dissapointed if that's not what happens

[iambecomeafangirl]

Watching Midnight Mass ep 02.

The priest is a vampire right? And he can make miracles after drinking human blood.

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Russia X Secretary: Fear of First time (1/2) (NSFW)

TW: Sexual Themes, and mentions of violence. (handsypandsy is my NSFW tag!)

A/N: This is going to be a short story made into two parts. Both of which are going to be kind of long. (Also if anyone can do a word count on this that would be nice, because I currently have no way of doing that...)

This was a conversation they have had but once. Russia and the secretary for the world meetings had already been together for more than a handful of months. The secretary had expressed previously that she was fully intending to wait for marriage to give away her virginity. Both for religious reasons, and due to some past events that made her subconscious about her body, making her insecure. Russia, dissapointed in her reaction toward his advances, had informed her marriage between a country and human was forbidden. None the less he respected her decision, and stayed by her side regardless.

This had put a small wedge in their relationship. He was frustrated over not being able to physically show her his affection, and grew angry over having another reason that made being a country painfully annoying. The secretary on the other hand was having a bit of a crisis. On one hand she wanted to keep her virginity, but on the other hand, she felt her own Sexual frustration rise. It took only a week for her mind to change on the subject.

They were watching a movie on her couch, but the tension between them made the air heavy, and focusing on the movie impossible. They had tried cuddling, but with every touch and shift Russia grew akward, and impatient. He wanted nothing more but to feel her, and show his ever growing desires. Never in his life had this kind of feeling bloomed before, let alone the fact he accepted someone's rejection of his actions. If they did he'd usually force them to do what he wants anyway. So natural he was going to bring the subject up again, eventually. But lucky for him the Secretary beat him to the question.

"Hey Russia... Can we talk about something?"

"Da? Is something the matter?"

The deep breath she took made him temporarily forget the sensations that had been flaring up and agitating him, and focus on her concern.

"I know that we can't get married... And it has me thinking it doesn't matter if I stay a virgin over it, and I think I need to explain another reason why I said no..."

At this point Russia had already turned towards her, pushing some of her short black hair out from her face as she continued.

"It's not just the religious thing. It's not even how I was treated when I was younger. I'm just scared. I didn't want to do it if we weren't married because I was worried you'd just take what you wanted and just... Leave me."

Russia had to take a second to realize what she had said. His heart partially shattered over the fact she would assume something like that.

"Sunflower, If I wanted to take from you, I could have easily done so already. I understand I am not always pure and sweet, but I do not take from you. You usually give me what I want anyway."

He tried smiling for her, but nothing was able to hide the tone in his voice showcasing his inner pain. The secretary had picked up on it, her body shrinking back, and her throat swelling up from her emotions.

"No, I didn't mean it like that it's just- I don't want to lose you. I didn't want to do it with you, and disappoint you. What if I'm not good enough, what if I'm too disgusting and you decide to leave me anyway..."

He had enough of her attitude towards the subject and got up from the couch, rubbing his face from the pent up emotions. This made the secretary choke on her sadness, and she did all she did to keep her tears from falling.

Turning around to face her, Russia could feel his heart shatter further seeing the glisten in her eyes. He understood, or took her feelings in consideration at the very least, but his inability to communicate his feelings properly left him with only one option. Giving her a slight scare, he had sweeper her up off the cushions bridal style.

"What are you doing?"

"We are going to be making the love. I will not allow you to be feeling like this, So I am proving your feelings wrong."

She felt a layer of blush immediately dust her cheeks, and buried her face into his shoulder. Giving a small whimper of protest, but ultimately giving in. Her heart racing.

"F-fine. But-"

"Nyet! No more denying my advances. No more rejecting me, da?"

"But why would you even bother?"

He had to kick the door open that lead to the downstairs guest room, and tossed her lightly on the bed. Immediately hovering over her.

"You are not this dense, but you currently are acting like you are. I do not understand, or care, why you think I'd care about your insecurities."

He had slightly cringed at the last statement, fully realizing how that translation came across after saying it. But this seemed to get the point across as the secretary had looked away, a small smirk on her face.

"You can't just say something like that you know."

"And you can't keep testing my patience by teasing me."

She tilted her head, not fully understanding what he meant. Prompting him to explain.

"You are very cute. I would be lying if I did not admit too... Erhm- Thinking about this?"

The secretary chuckled at him.

"Do you mean... You have fantasies of me?"

Russia nods almost shyly, lifting his scarf over his nose, looking away in hopes she didn't notice his flustered cheeks. Though his actions made it painfully obvious.

"D-da. The daydreaming started out all cute. But as of lately..."

She had to caress his cheek, forcing him to look back at him as she spoke up.

"I'm sorry... I really didn't know I hurt you when I said no the first time."

"I was not hurt! I did not like being told no because... Well... I can't... Marry you..."

This came to a major surprise to the secretary.

"Wait- You want to marry me? I thought you'd be against that because of Belarus? For a while I was concerned I was being too clingy..."

Russia gave her a small grunt.

"But you are not her! I don't mind the thought of marriage, but with my little sister who has little concern over my feelings... Are you laughing at me?"

She had to cover her mouth, but the small giggles still slipped through.

"Sorry! It's just, Kind of ironic hearing that from you..."

She gently booped his nose as soon as he scrunched his face up in annoyance. Russia fully knowing he can't disagree with her statement. The atmosphere finally turning lighthearted like it use to be.

This didn't distract Russia from being his mischievous self though. Gently he laid his weight on top of the secretary, kissing her, then pulling away as soon as their lips touched. He wasn't expecting the soft look in her eyes, lips still parted from the kiss. He didn't even miss the motion of her swallowing the excess saliva.

Giving a quirked eyebrow he decided to push a little further.

"Does this mean, you have decided to change your mind? I can make the love to you?"

The laugh that she gave him over his slight broken english seemed to rile him up more, especially with the rapid nods she gave him.

Feeling his breath hitch in his throat he dove in for a more passionate kiss. Memories of their first kiss and how sloppy it was flooded his mind, causing him to smile against her.

Soon enough the secretary found her hands in his hair, but had given grunts of disapproval as Russia pinned her hands above her. His tongue tracing her lips, wiggling its way into her mouth. The friction of bumpy tongue against her smoother muscle gained a soft moan from both parties.

Russia pulled back, shifting his weight back to hovering, and asked another question.

"So you really are still a virgin, da? I'm sorry if I get to rough with you. Even more so I am sorry if I go against your will to stop at any point. But the thought of having you squirm against me makes me want to... You know."

She blushed, giving a quick nod. She figured he wasn't going to be able to stop once they started. But the thought of him being rough excited her. She was always being told how cute, and small she was at work. How fragile a human was in a room of strong countries and it irked her. She had to get it off her chest.

"I can take it you know. I'm not a little kid, just because I'm a little childish-"

"I would hope not!"

"Let me finish! It drives me insane that everyone else gets to act like I'm a child! I hate it, it makes me feel guilty. Especially because I don't even feel like a woman half the time. I'm over weight, overwhelming, and according to my family I'm way to clingy... So I wouldn't be upset if you didn't want to do this..."

Russia was about five seconds away from taking her without permission. He didn't want to hurt her, or be forceful like that, but the more reasons she gave for "leaving", and the more excuses She gave that stalled the moment was quite Frankly, driving him insane. He was losing the remainder of his patience.

"You are very cute, and pretty. You're working on losing weight, so let me help. This is like excersize right? I do not think you're childish, you're just fun, and goofy! It is very nice to have someone fool around with me..."

Leaning in closer to the side of her head, he makes sure to whisper and breath directly in her ear. A small little trick he discovered that he knows drives her crazy.

"I think you are very womanly. You might have a chubby belly, but you still have curves. And you're... Breasts... are just the right size for me. You being so affectionate and honest makes it very easy to be with you. You don't do what some woman do and pretend to be fine. I don't just like it about you, I need it from you. If you were not like you, I'd be confused. We already discovered once what happens when you lie to me. I am unsure if choking is a thing you like, but I am very sure the last time my hands were around your neck, it was not a pleasant experience..."

The secretary couldn't hold back her remark.

"No. It did not give me the pleasure smile..."

Russia gave a short chortle, kissing her cheek and pressing their forheads together.

"Then do you want me as well? Can I... I can't be honest about my feelings verbally, not like you. So can I please, one of these times show you how you make me feel? Preferably now?"

Deciding to tease him, she pretended to think about it, laughing at his drawn out groan as he buried his head in the crook on her neck. Surprised by the kisses to her flesh, and the small line up of pleases he begged with. Any anwser was a good one for him.

"Da. We can... Have sex then. But just promise me you'll be by my side by morning..."

She felt him nod against her neck, his kisses turning into soft nibbles, and sucking. He didn't want to waste anymore time, but knew from all the movies he watched with her that the first time was important. And just because he was virgin as well, did not mean he didn't know what to do, or how it might hurt.

He started to chuckle into her chest, already leaving small red marks along her throat. His hands had wormed their way under her shirt. His cold fingertips mixed with the feathery touches made her squirm and shudder.

Her heart leaped into her throat as he reached around her torso, and successfully unclasped her bra. She was in shock at how gentle he was being. She was fighting between enjoying the moment, and flipping him over and try to move things along faster.

"You don't have to be so gently. I said I could take it..."

"Da, I know. But I refuse to hurt you."

"Hurt me? I trust you lovebug~ your my big old Russian teddy bear! You couldn't hurt me even if you tried-"

"Not what I was meaning."

Her face turned beat red as it dawned on her what he meant. Now she was morbidly courious if he was really that big, and her eyes unintentionally drifted to his crotch.

He gave her an unseen smirk, and sat himself on her hips. He carelessly pulled off his shirt, somehow leaving his scarf intact, earning an annoyed face from the secretary. Taking the obvious hint he slowly removed his scarf. The scaring on his neck made her eyes widen, and her heart weight heavy in her chest.

"Wh- Russia..."

He shook his head, not wanting to talk about it. All he could say was:

"You are not the only one uncomfortable with their body..."

He leaned back down, his taller body making it possible to stay seated over her hips, giving him easier access to her lips and face. Hands snagging the hem of her shirt, and doing away with the fabric. Her bra falling away with it as well.

She covered her chest, already red and wet from his earlier barrage of licking and kisses. Yet again he pinned her arms over her head.

"If you continue to hide from me Sunflower, I will tie you up..."

She looked away after his claims, but nodded in understanding anyway.

He gave her more kisses, this time they were soft, and ticklish. He made sure to run his lips over each spot she gave the most giggles too, indulging in her sounds. Soon enough he had the ability to tongue at her nipples, hearing her giggles go to restrained moans. For Russia, any further restraint from her was delt with punishment. He started testing her further as such.

He went from licking, to sucking. And when that bared no vocal fruit from her he bit down on them. Her attempts at arching her back Was held in place by his body. But he got what he wanted. She had given him a rather loud moan, even if it sounded pained she did nothing to protest against his actions.

Giving a courious peak he saw the contorted and scrunched up face she was giving. Her teeth digging into her lips. Another bite, and another painful groan. These pleasant sounds were rewarded with kisses, and sucks to her perked up breasts. Russia was seemingly successful in training her to stop resisting, causing her to finally relax and let go.

-End of Part one-

[phaoray]

The movie inside Pixar’s “Brave”

Hey, I don’t know if you remember me, but im a massive Brave fan, and in the times that the big four fandoms where roaming in this website strong, I was there too. Especially at the Jarida fandom @thejaridafamily​, who to this day, i have nothing but awesome comments. I swear to you, this people were so kind and energetic and creative that you could literally feel how much they cared about the stories and the process of creating and developing this characters.

Now, I don’t usually write this type of analysis, but indulge me this time. Because the reason I’m writing, it’s because this amazing video that was uploaded a few months ago to YouTube (And if I’m late for the party, then sorry).

“Brave was a dissapointment by eliquorice”

This video puts a name to the reason why I felt this movie was incomplete, or disappointing at most. The movie always felt like it was undeserving from such a dedicated fan base, but I can finally say that i finally saw the film that we all loved. At the beginning of the film we are exposed to this story, the story of a princess who is wild and tempestuous and a queen who is strong willed and regal. They are opposites in every way, and they tell us that this movie it’s going to be about them. 

We are intrigued about what will happen after the inciting incident, where both this characters have said and done things that they cannot take back. We have reached a no return point.

And while we are worried about their inner conflict, and wish to know what will come of it, the film suddenly develops a series of external conflicts and focuses on those exclusively.

We can make the choice to read it as an external manifestation of the struggle of the relationship, but even then, we are left confused. Instead, it turns the tone of the film and displaces the importance of those inner conflicts to a second position in the entire argument of the film. 

Now the priority is to resolve this external conflict, so we can go back and finish quickly the inner conflicts right before we run out of time.

After I saw the film a couple of times (by a couple i mean like a lot, in the past years), I started to feel like there was something missing. Like I have forgotten to read the prologue at the beginning of a book. So I turned to the other media released after the film: the art books, the interviews and promotions and trailers and the storybooks they were doing to continue and explore characters of the film. But instead of gaining a better understanding of the central theme of the film, I always ended up with more questions. Until I saw this guys (eliquorice) video a few days ago.

He makes a clear and structural analysis of the film and finally helps me to put a name to the real issue with the story. The “creative differences” problem.

Now not to spoil the video, but he honestly states why this film was a wasted opportunity for Pixar and why women´s voices keep on being silenced in Hollywood. A film like Brave, in the time that it came out and given properly freedom to be the story that was always meant to be in the hands of Brenda Chapman, could have turned the view of the mother-daughter relationship to the status that movies like Ladybird, Carrie, Real Women Have Curves, or even Freaky Friday explored in different levels of dept. 

The conflicts that come from two different ways of approaching femininity and the way we as women chose to play different roles in the society that we live in, as it is what is imposed to us from young ages. This movie was about that, the first 30 minutes of this movie were about that.

But what we got at the end was a mushed version with no catharsis towards the true conflict in the film. 

Even in the final scenes when we see Elinor side with her daughter about the marriage matter, we are left with half a catharsis when in the next scene we see an outfit change instead of a change in the structure of the society they live in.

There is one thing that keeps people invested during the climatic scenes in movies, and that is a question, i.e. "would the hero survive to this?" "can the protagonist defeat the antagonist or the villain?" "will the protagonist confess to his love interest" you name it. We as an audience stay invested in a film as long as there is a question to be answered in every scene or every act. We can even use that idea for analyzing a film.

Now let's talk about how the film answers the question that sets the conflict between the two main characters.

In Brave, Merida thinks changing her mother is the solution to change her fate, because she thinks she alone, is the creator of the system. The princess rules and the way things must be. But in reality her mother is the enforcer of those believes that were also planted on her as "the way it was supposed to be", which she mentions in a line at the beginning as "giving you everything we never had". We also see throughout the film that her mother is not the head of the system, she actually serves it in the form of peacemaker to keep the four clans together as a nation. Merida then realizes that her mother's saying might be the least of her troubles because who calls the shots here is not the king, it's the alliance, the Lords that are the heads of the clans.

Her mother does change at the end, but that change while represents a little break for Merida, in the end comes to the same conclusion, she will have to marry ... eventually and select from a very specific set of elegible partners. Which again is the enforcement of tradition that reduces women into roles that do not fit nor appeal to them.

The film doesn't dive deeper into this discussion, it concludes by saying that it was in fact a matter of changing one person and yourself by accepting you have to make compromises to get what you want. Which is... I guess... halfway true in the real world???at least in the one we live in Right now... but its definitely not what you want from the first Disney/Pixar princess to not have a romantic interest and being promoted as this empowering model for little girls.

This film left's us short in a satisfactory and fulfilling answer to the great question of "Can Merida change her fate?" And the refusal to answer that question in a way that makes us feel powerful and brave makes it feel like the world they lived in didn't change at all, that the film has been for nothing.

Please go watch that video, i highly encourage it. 

And after watching the video and reading my old writings and drawings about this film, I understood, that the reason that this fandom loved this characters so much, was because of the first 30 minutes of the movie. The part that Brenda Chapman originally envisioned for this film. I honestly believe that in the hands of a woman this conflicts that surged with being a girl and mom in a world that is not made for you, could have had an actually satisfactory message of hope and change. She probably wouldnt have swiped over those questions like the film did. And those 30 minutes that promised us an answer to this very complex questions... that is the movie we have loved for the past 8 years, and i can say i will continue to love for a long time.

[elbiotipo]

Gordon Freeman Saved My Life!

City 17 wasn’t on its best shape before the Citadel exploded; now, the quaint European streets and brutalist apartment blocks were little more than random piles of concrete scattered around. Many people left already after the final defeat of the Combine and the liberation of Earth. Even if Dr. Kleiner insisted that the radiation left by the explosion was “harmless, by the most part”, in all common sense, there was little reason to stay there.

But the thing is, City 17 was inhabited by humans. And where some humans just see devastated ruins, others see things worth cherising, a place worth rebuilding.

“I think a couple greenhouses would look good up there in that roof. Plenty of sun, and the rest of the building seems mostly intact, it would look downright decent with a new coat of paint. A good place to start anew... many people would love something like that... What do you think, Doc?”

Alyx looked at Gordon, deep in his thought. Even such little dilemmas of (now) daily life put the gears on his mind to work. She didn’t really expect an answer; a verbal one at least, it was rare from him after all (though more common lately...). But she did know he would respond with action, as he always did. He scratched his beard -he was letting it grow lately- and fixed his glasses. Frankly, of all the crazy things she’d lived with Gordon, the most amazing one was the fact he didn’t lose his glasses once. Good thing, too; the optical industry was just barely being rebuilt.

Gordon nodded at Alyx. He went ahead and entered through the broken windowshop and climbed the stairs of the abandoned building, crowbar in one hand, the gravity gun on his hip. Ecological restoration was going on steadily, but headcrabs were still a nuisance in urban areas -as much as a jumping rotisserie chicken that can horribly zombify you can be called a ‘nuisance’- luckily, this building was clean. He got to the roof. He felt the wind on his sweat, the soft spring sun on his skin, and thought, after some brief calculations, that it was good.

So he took out the gravity gun and started his job. With the patience of a kid on his last coin in a crane machine, he unloaded the supplies from the boxes labeled “FOR EARTH RECONSTRUCTION - BLACK MESA SCIENCE TEAM”; metal beams, rolls of plastic, pipes, soil, planters, seedlings, and other materials to build greenhouses to feed the citizens of what was still one of the world’s largest cities; and then slowly started to bring them to the roof of the old 20th century building.

He was very good at theoretical physics, but he could had been a good engineer too. Or a farmer. Physical work suited him, Alyx thought. A lot.

Even if the gravity gun did most of the job.

Heh. Physicist, physical.

“You’re an eager worker antlion today, Gordon. You didn’t even wait for me, huh?” she teased from below.

“You were right, Alyx.”

Gordon, of course, seldom spoke, and when he did, it was always in a serious tone. Even when talking from the top of a building. Despite spending so much time together, it still caught Alyx off-guard sometimes; while she felt easy to talk to him most of the time, to answer him often made her blush and stammer, no matter the topic.

She should just spit it out one of these days and be done with it, she thought. Goddamn it, wasn’t it time already? How long would she wait?

“W-what do you mean?”

“The angle of the sun is excellent here. And the roof has good space. Perfect for a greenhouse. Good eye, Alyx.” he said, not taking his eye from his work, like always.

“Oh. Right. Yeah, you know...” she scratched the back of her head. “Anything to make the work of my worker antlion easier.”, and gave a thumbs up with a wink. Gordon smiled, and while he was a bit far away, she swore he blushed. Yep, cute names worked. The wink couldn’t have hurted either.

As she watched Dr. Gordon Freeman manipulate the laws of physics with the amazing power of science, she had a fun idea.

“Hey, hey, Gordon!”

He looked at her.

“Pick me up!”

Gordon lifted his eyebrows.

“With the gravity gun! Bring me up to the roof!”

Gordon looked away, thinking. He was unsure.

“Come on, it’ll be fun! I’ll help you out when I get up there, promise!”

Gordon sighed.

“I’ll be careful! Come on, antlion!”

‘It was him who needed to be careful!’, he worried.

She would either keep at it all afternoon or be dissapointed later. And Gordon never wanted to disapoint Alyx. So he carefully checked the settings, and finally pointed the gravity gun at her and engaged it.

The graviton particle beam of the Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator surrounded her and produced a sensation on her skin that could be best described as ‘tingly’. She slowly lifted from the ground and she couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh yeah, this rules!” She said, and struck a Superman pose, while humming the theme from an old movie, as she got higher. She was getting close to the roof.

“Higher, Gordon!” She said, as she did a loop in mid air. “Woo!”. Gordon couldn’t help but smile, despite the anxiety that seeing her floating in the air sensibly provoked.

She ‘flew’ right in front of him. They both smiled, face to face, although he was standing and she was resting on an invisible air couch. Alyx giggled.

“Hey, take me higher! I wanna see the city from above!”

Gordon was, on his mind, nervously calculating vectors, trajectories and forces so that Alyx didn’t fall down. Even her weight, though maybe it was a little rude. It wasn’t the first time he thought about Alyx’s body, though, as much as he wouldn’t admit it at all...

The beam was on a weird setting to begin with, and as she flew over him, he was worried on how much longer he could keep it up. She was too high, and the gravity gun wasn’t as reliable as one would like, and if she fell down she definitively could hurt herself, and after all it happened, it couldn’t be like that, and he had to do something!

“Alyx...”

“Wooo! What is it, Gordon?”

He was trying to bring her down, when the beam grew fainter and she started to fall, walking in midair. It was just as he feared. He dropped the gun and ran to her.

He catched her on his arms. He wasn’t wearing the HEV suit (fortunately it was needed less and less...) but his arms were strong enough to carry her.. like a princess, maybe? He wouldn’t say that to her face.

The both of them gasped and then exhaled. Alyx was smiling. It got a little scary at the end, sure, but she had worse. It was more of a thrill than anything.

And another thing that was thrilling right now was being princess-carried by the One Free Man.

“Wow.” She sighed. “Uh, t-thanks for the, the catch, Gordon...” She stammered. She looked at his face. She expected to see him blushing and looking away, like he did lately. Instead, he looked at her with worry, breathing heavily.

“Don’t worry, I’m OK, Gordon!” she said, as she climbed down from him -not that she wouldn’t have minded staying a little more like that, but even she was a bit shy sometimes...- and stretched her arms, now in safe ground once again. “Thanks to you, of course! Gordon Freeman saved my life! What a legend. Though I guess you’re used to hearing that, huh?”

He just stared and smiled akwardly. He was really worried. Oh no. Ugh, now she felt really bad. If only she could rewind back what she said...

“Hey, it’s fine, it’s fine. You got me at the nick of time. Don’t worry.”

Gordon nodded, but his face was still concerned.

“H-hey, how about I help you with the greenhouse like I said?”

He nodded. She grabbed her tools and they put their minds and hands to work.

...

“You know what we should plant? Chili peppers. There’s this guy down the street, he was from City 9, I mean, Mexico, before they sent him here... He makes damn good tacos. He would be so happy to get his ingredients from here. Pretty sure they could grow in the greenhouse. It’s a good thing so many people brought their recipes and such here. Now that we have lots of seeds once again, things here might get a lot more tasty...”

The spring sun was setting in the horizon. While the reconstructed building wasn’t very tall, most of the city could be seen from there. Scattered here and there, there were neighboroods -those that have been deemed safe- turning on their lights. Most houses had patches of green on their roofs; some parks and gardens were already having flowers. And beyond them, in the center, the twisted alien metal of the ruins of the Citadel still stood, mostly out of inertia, as nobody could be able to remove it. It was part of the city now, in a way.

Gordon and Alyx were sitting -at a safe distance from the edge- in the roof of the building, with a brand new greenhouse behind them. A couple of bottles of cold water, scattered tools, and some pigeons kept them company.

“...I mean, I didn’t have much to choose when I grew up, with, you know, the alien invasion and the Combine regime and all, but I miss some good ol’ homemade food every now and then, you know? I’m sure you have some favorite foods you miss from the old times, too.”

He just nodded, looking at the sunset.

Alyx looked at him, and then again at the city horizon.

She sighed.

“Are you still mad?” She finally asked, softly, looking at her feet.

Gordon took quite a while to answer. She wasn’t worried about that; he always did. What she was worried about was the answer.

“...I’m not mad...”

Well, off to a good start.

“...I was just worried you could get hurt. That’s all.”

“Sorry. I... I just wanted to have some fun. And I did! but... I Didn’t want to make you worry. Sorry. Won’t do it again.”

Gordon’s idea of fun was more about reading about new research or watching bad old sci-fi movies. But to be fair, making Alyx fly was a little fun, it really was!

But he still felt uneasy.

“You’re fine, after all. It was just a little scare. And it WAS a little fun.” He clarified, smiling. “It’s fine.” He said.

And then Gordon found her looking at him, her eyes drifting away from the sunset to him.

It was time for Alyx to think. She stayed silent for so long that Gordon became a little worried.

“I’m... I’m always fine with you.” She finally said, softly. “If I’m in danger, you always come to save me. And you can trust I’ll ALWAYS do the same for you, too. You’ve always saved me. And I’m so glad. I’m so gald you did. So I could be with you.” She looked away, blushing. It was as close as a confession she could get. Even if maybe it wasn’t the best time.

She glanced at Gordon for a second. He was blushing. She was sure he got what she meant. In a way, it only made her feel more embarrased.

Another silence.

“Alyx... I... Don’t want to save your life anymore.” What? Before she could say something, he continued. “That is not the life I want for you, or me. I want... to live my life with you.”

Alyx stared at him, her mouth open, her entire mind blank, only a soft, tingly warmth, one that she felt so many times, yet like never as before.

“Gordon...”

“I don’t mind a little adventure every now and then...” he uncharacteristically added. “But... I would like to live a quiet life right now.” He paused, as if couldn’t continue.

He was absolutely red.

She wanted to say so many things. In fact, she didn’t expect Gordon to say all of this, at once, even.

“I’ll... try to... give you less headaches, then.” she giggled. “But you better do your part too, I mean... I know you like jumping in portals and crawling in sewers, Doc. You aren’t as innocent as you look.” She giggled. It wasn’t even that funny. She just tried to make jokes to lighten the mood. And she was feeling extremely happy after all. “Sorry, stupid joke.” Gordon didn’t mind. He nodded and sighed, smiling.

“And I’m up for it every time. But I... Really want to live a nice life with you too. I think it’s time.” she finally said, her words becoming softer at the end.

She got closer to him and took his hand. It wasn’t the first time they held hands, but it often was in more dire circumstances. Today, there was just the spring breeze and the soft smell of garden earth.

Earth.

He held her hand back. Alyx got closer. And a little bold, again. As she liked.

She rested her head on his shoulder. Gordon was frozen. But still very warm.

“Hey. Dr. Freeman.” She whispered. “Do you mind if we kiss?”

She was surprised when he answered instantly.

“Not at all.”

They returned very late to Black Mesa East that night.

[thea-harman]

❝  I get so caught up in protecting the people I love that I forget to protect myself.  ❞

☽ The Wi☨ch is in The Details ☾

Name:  Thea Sophia Harman Age:  17 ( May ## ) Zodiac:  Taurus ( ♉ ) Gender:  Female ( ♀ ) Species:  Witch ( Daughter of Hellewise ) Clan: Hearth-Woman ( Harman(s) ) Parents: Daniel Avery ( father - deceased ) & Sophia Harman ( mother - deceased ) Relationships:  Blaise Harman (cousin), Edgith Harman (maternal grandmother), Naomi Flores (great great great great aunt), Eric Ross (soulmate) Extended Family: Redfern(s), Iliana Dominick (distant cousin), Gillian Lennox (unknown cousin), FC:  Olivia Holt ( x )

☽ Personality ☾

☑  caring, courageous, free-spirited ☒  emotional, self-destructive, quiet

☽ The Past ☾

Thea and Blaise grew up differently than most kids.  Being an only child born to Daniel Avery ( Witch ) and Sophia Harman ( Witch ).  However, when she was still very young, Thea and her cousin Blaise lost both their parents in a tragic ritual accident.  Inseparable as ever the girls are basically sisters.  Because of this, they grew up surrounded by witches often living with their different relatives, mostly due to the antics of Blaise.  Blaise was never happy in one place for too long.  Because of that, Thea got used to a life of always being on the move. Having been expelled from seven to eight different schools since they were freshmen.   

Her cousin would regularly get into trouble for taunting and playing with the local human boys and Thea would take the fall with her.  At their last school in New Hampshire, Blaise got a boy named Randy Marik to burn down the school gym for her, leading to her and Thea's expulsion.  They were then sent to live with Grandma Harman, their maternal grandmother.

☽ The Present ☾

Running out of relatives to take them in.  Thea is determined not to get expelled or any trouble this time, as she doesn’t want to disappoint Grandma Harman - or be sent to the Convent for misbehaving.  Beginning their new school, Lake Mead High.  Things go awry right from the moment she arrives at school, however.  Before she can even go inside, Thea hears a lot of fuss, after investigating she discovers that students are crowded around a snake.  Thea telepathically connects with the snake and tries to convince it to leave to avoid getting the snake or any students harmed.  However, her concentration is broken by the students throwing stones and a boy named Eric Ross.  The snake bit him but only they knew.  The two then carry the snake out to the wilderness.  Thea heals Eric without him noticing.  Using magic to heal the bite, though she tries to pass it off as the snake having missed its mark. When Blaise notices Thea possibly liking Eric, she intends to use Eric like all of her 'boy toys.'  To stop her, Thea summons an old witch, a forbidden spell. She learns later that because she did not create a ring around the summoning, the spirit got to lose.  Not wanting Blaise to get to Eric, Thea says she will use him. He takes her to the dance, but when one of Blaise's old toys shows up and causes drama the two left.  Eric took her to the animal clinic he volunteers at.  When Blaise's attempts to take Eric from Thea it fails, she eventually deduces that Eric is her soulmate, but this gives her nothing but grief, due to Eric being human and therefore forbidden to her. 

Eric also takes Thea to the gym, where the Halloween dance is set up.  The theme consists of old witch hangings and torture methods.  Disgusted with it Thea had Eric get a camera so that they can write a complaint in the school newspaper.  While he is gone, Thea discovers the body of Kevin Imamura - a boy Blaise was toying with - is found strangled and hung with witch dummies.  Connecting the dots, Thea realizes that the murder was committed by the spirit she set to lose.  A witch victim of torture in the olden days, who was forced to watch her family die before she did.  Thea realizes that the spirit will attack again on Halloween.  Eric also connects the dots that Thea is a witch and demands that she let him help stop the spirit. Thea plans, with Eric’s help, to lure Suzanne’s spirit to a natural stone circle in the desert and send her back to the afterlife.  She intends to carry out the plan on the night of the Samhain celebrations.  Eric waits for her at the circle, whilst she attends the party.  Unfortunately, Thea, Blaise, and Dani are summoned by the Inner Circle and accused of performing forbidden spells.  Thea, realizing Eric and the human students at the high school Halloween dance is in danger, flees the house and drives to the circle, getting there just as Suzanne is about to kill Eric. 

With Eric's help, Thea prepares the ritual and sets it in motion. Suzanne's spirit is strong and tries to attack Thea, but she calls upon her "power as a daughter of Hellewise" - allegedly something no witch has done before - and finally gains the strength to send Suzanne back beyond the veil.  Together they re imprison the spirit, just as all of the witches arrive.  Now knowing that Thea is in love with a human, the witches decide to make them both lose their memories rather than killing them.  Eric and Thea are given a forgetting brew.  However, when drinking it, Thea realizes that it is just tea and that Blaise is letting her keep her memories.  After escorting Thea and her soulmate outside, Blaise - bid them farewell.  Thea had an emotional goodbye with her sister Blaise and Aradia suggests she and Eric seek out Circle Daybreak, where they might be accepted.  Fearing for their life she and Eric fled in his jeep but they never reached their destination to Circle Daybreak headquarters like they planned.  Engulfed in a sudden flash of light there whole worlds changed.

☽ The Current Story ☾

Now?  Thea and Blaise’s story is on a twisted re-peat but Thea has no recollection of of what had happened.  Just that where her story began.  With them running out of relatives to take them in.  Thea herself is determined not to get expelled or in any trouble whatsoever this time, as she doesn’t want to dissapoint Grandma Harman - or be sent to the Convent for misbehaving.  Beginning thier new life in browning harbor, massachusetts in a small town.

Timeline—

2019

( Sept. 24th )  Arrived at Browning Harbor Massachusetts to live with their Grandma Harman.

☽ Abilities ☾

☽ Basic Powers ☾ 》Spell Casting: Thea has the power to cast Spells. 》Potion making: She also can make magical potions. 》Cartomancy:  Tarot reading doesn’t have the power to change future events, but it can help anticipate them.  》Sigil Creation: Thea can inscribe or paint a symbol that’s considered to have magical power.   ☽ Individual Powers ☾ 》Advanced Telekinesis ► Thea can control and manipulate the movement of objects and persons through mental influence. 》Telepathy ► Thea has the power to hear the thoughts and read the minds of another person. 》Electrokinesis ► Thea can create, shape, and manipulate electricity. 》Advanced Geokinesis ► Thea can create, shape and manipulate earth and `earthen` elements. 》Hydrokinesis/Cryokinesis ► Thea can create, shape, and manipulate water, ice, and cold.. 》Pain Infliction ► Thea has the ability to inflict great pain onto a person by causing their blood vessels to burst and thus giving them multiple aneurysms 》Advanced Healing ► Thea can heal minor wounds such as poisons, cuts, bruises, and light burns.  Along with healing external wounds, including fractured bones and deeper burns, disregarding of severity.  Lost limbs can be re-attached.  Minor damaged internal organs may heal, but more severity may be beyond repair and may take more time to heal.

[24hrfilm]

AMERICAN BEAUTY

Kinda good, but kinda not.

Let me start this review by saying that I didn’t like American Beauty. I had heard of so many people raving about this movie and felt rather dissapointed after watching it. I didn’t feel ‘enlightened’ as people said I would. I felt icky and needed a snack. That was it. 

American Beauty is one of those films that is on pretty much every ‘20 MOVIES YOU MUST WATCH BEFORE THE EARTH IMPLODES AND EVERYTHING GOES TO HELL’ list. However, I never got around watching it. The few screencaps I’d seen were not cinematographically mind-blowing (except for the flower scene, I guess that one was pretty impressing. And, of course, as a teenage girl who’s film repertoire consists of romantic comedies, coming of age films, and maybe a few psychological drama’s (a rare find in my film collection), I was not immediately attracted to this comedy/drama.

American Beauty tells us the story of Lester Burnham, a middle aged, white male unhappily married to his tense wife. The couple has one daughter, Jane, who is pretty much the prototype of what society thinks of as a Troubled Teenage Girl. Lester feels as though he’s in a constant trance, and is indifferent to his wife’s words or his daughter’s attitude. Tired of being stuck in his rut, Lester decides to throw his life around when he gets a crush on Jane’s best friend. The daily life of the Burnham changes drastically as Lester starts working out and smoking weed, stops tolerating his wife’s constant stream of insults. Throughout the story, more characters get involved, including the new neighbours, a conservative, radical navy seal and his son, a teenage rebel with drug issues. 

First off, I want to talk about the film’s lead role, which is played by Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey has been accused of sexual misconduct and sexual advances towards young boys over 15 times, even way before the rise of the #metoo-movement. Kevin Spacey plays the role of a middle-aged man constantly objectifying a teenage girl. Even though he’s playing a character, I can’t help but feel extra uncomfortable watching the film. Whether artists/actors are detached from their work is an ongoing controversial topic. I’m not sure whether this sexual misconduct also happened on the set of American Beauty, but I do want to acknowledge the fact that he is not someone that I want to support, and I can’t write a review without calling that out first.

So, what are my likes and dislikes of the film?

An exceptionally strong asset of this film is the character development. Every character is very thought through and contains many different layers, just like us humans. Their actions are often inexplicable (I’m talking to you Lester, what the fuck were you doing man) and almost all of the characters undergo a big or small evolution. I was especially intrigued by the neighbours and their family dynamic. The navy seal is both abusive, but strangely loving, his wife looks like she’s in a constant state of shock, probably caused by the abusive nature of her husband. The Boy Next Door is a troubled teenager who spends his days secretly filming the Burnhams’ everyday life. It is revealed that he spent a few years in a mental hospital due to a drug addiction. He now deals in secret, because his violent father cannot find out that he still uses drugs. The way these characters are portrayed is extremely interesting.

I must admit that I was slightly dissapointed by the cinematography. The iconic scene with the roses and the girl was okay, but the remaining scenes were pretty unexceptional. 

American Beauty starts off easily and slowly progresses, then rapidly shifts into a thriller like-ending. I think the storyline is interesting, as it depicts lust, dreams, the mundane and the exceptional, the American Dream and love in its many different shapes and sizes. The film revolves around the definition of ‘normal’, and how it’s something very superficial and abstract. And while these are interesting themes to explore, the way it was done made me feel uncomfortable. I know what you’re going to say, “ITS SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE YOU DUMB FUCK”, but I don’t think it even works in that sense. I’ve felt uncomfortable and still liked a movie, and this is different, especially being a teenage girl myself and having to deal with the systemic sexism and sexualization rooted into society. Using those struggles for your “grand” story about the suburban American male just doesn’t sit right with me.

[rogers-senpai]

The Analysis of the Progression of Jonerys and Why the Truth Won’t Break Them PART 3

PART 1 HERE

Why did he bend the knee? Because he saw her for what she is. Because she risked everything to save some few morons’ lives. Because he knows she is different. Because he believes in her. Her face was priceless. Bacause she knows he is not bending bacause he has to, but because he wants to. Hearing her say “I hope I deserve it” after she saved his life, lost her dragon, gave him everything he wanted, abandoning her Iron Throne mission, was amazing. Dark Dany, huh?

When she sees the way he looks at her, after he tugs at ther hand, not wanting to let go, she is almost scared, definitely shaken. Why? Doesn’t she love him? Well, while she could deal with her feelings if she knew they weren’t mutual, what can she do when she sees they are? She can’t ignore it, but should she go for it? She doesn’t know yet. When she slips his hand out of his, he is clearly dissapointed, did he misread all the signs? Rejection is a bitch. Then she ends the conversation and he awkwardly pretends to go to sleep while she leaves, clearly conflicted. He turns his head when comes out, and sighs once she is away. With the apocalypse coming, being in love, caring for someone is not good, he knows that, but what can he do?

I’ve seen it speculated that between episode 6 and 7, there was a few weeks break, which is possible. They had to return to Dragonstone, let Jon recover and Dany looks much better in the finale - she had to have had some time to mourn, probably alone. So if we think that they haven’t seen each other for so long, the scene when Jon  immediately stands up when he hears the dragons, seems much more meaningful. He is reminded again how badass she is, especially since she has just lost her child and she is as strong and confident as before.

In behind the scenes material we see that he waits for her to be seated, before taking his place himself, which we didn’t see in the episode because of the different camera angle. A sign of respect.

And then Jon makes his loyalty public, their theme playing right after. He keeps his loyalty, even though doing so meant him losing a chance for Cersei helping him and put Dany’s help under a question mark. Could she go North with Cersei waiting to take everything Dany has gained? But he does it, and he doesn’t lie either. Dany is clearly shocked and turned on by this, can you blame her?

Their talk scene was the first talk alone we were shown after the scene in which me made his feelings clear for her to see, after they realized they don’t want to fight it and you can see the difference in how they speak and behave. While anyone else would scream at him for his actions, but she tells him she respects what he did. The talk about Targaryen dynasty was the first time we saw her speak to anyone of the sad fate of her family. Jon is not only intrigued with High Valyrian, he looks interested during the talk of dragons locked up and it being the end for the Targaryens. And he tells her that her family hasn’t seen its end. All that in the context of them being the only Targaryens is so powerful. And the talk of babies again. He is the first to ever question the curse, Daario never did. And then he made her laugh, when did we last see that with any man? Was it Barristan? When did Daario make her laugh last?

When Tyrion comes back, they walk together, the same pace, which is something that happens unconciously when you are in love with someone, when you consider them your equal. They stop to stand very close to each other, despite there being so much room besides them. They are already behaving like a couple.

During the meeting, we are shown shots of people around them, Jorah, Tyrion, Grey Worm, Theon, and Davos in the background, and considering the context, it’s obvious they all know what’s going on, what “sailing together” really means. I also saw some antis question why he hadn’t made his move before the meeting with Cersei or any other time. Which is stupid. Before the meeting with Cersei, he was recovering and she was grieving and still unsure about what to do about him. Their talk scene after Tyrion goes to talk to Cersei, is the first time they’ve been alone since the boat scene for all we know. Then they go to Dragonstone, which is not a long way from King’s Landing and immediately plan to leave for Winterfell. When was he supposed to do anything? He used the first chance he got - the cruise to Winterfell, so he makes sure she is on that damn boat.

Their sex scene is sometimes hated on, as not romantic. Which is bullshit. It was short, yes. But the stares they shared before he entered the cabin and while he was closing the door? Their own theme, considered by many as the most beautuful and romantic theme playing in its entirety in the background? The way she was touching his stomach and chest? They way he was caressing her hair and face? The way Jon Snow dominated Daenerys Stormborn in the bedroom? When he licked her? The way he  sighed “yeah” after being inside fer for two seconds? The way their mouths flew open? The way they stopped, just to look at each other, gazing at each other, as if thinking that this is it, this is what they’ve been missing and searching for since the beginning?

5. WHY THE TRUTH WON’T BREAK THEM

Jon is Ned Stark’s son, antis say, he won’t be with his aunt. Well yes, Jon is Ned Stark’s son, and Ned is his father’s son. And guess who Ned’s father married and had kids with? His cousin. And the whole percentage thing some try to pull out is ridiculous. You think GRRM, who has made Targaryen sibling relationships romantic and happy, will not make Jon and Dany be together when they share less DNA than that? Also EVERY house in Westeros has married their relatives, other than siblings and parent-child so many times. Tywin “No Disgrace For The Family Name, My Kids Don’t Do Incest” Lannister married his cousin, showing that in Westeros only siblings and parent-child marriages are considered a NO NO, since when you grow up together there is a biological effect that makes it impossible to fall in love with each other if you are mentally healthy. Also Robert in additional GoT material said that maybe he shouldn’t have killed Targaryen babies, but they were still born of incest, and then he married Cersei - a product of two cousins. Incest is only mental in Westeros, they don’t care about any percentage. There was even a Stark marriage between an aunt and nephew. There would probably be more of those if aunts weren’t usually much older than nephews.

And the fact that GRRM didn’t make Jon and Dany - the last members of a house which practices incest much more than any other- grow up together, or meet each other knowing, making them not have the growing up together gross thing, says a lot. That and all their parallels and foreshadows which are in a link somewhere in the first part, the fact he said they were the point of the series?

However hard you try to say GRRM shows incest in a bad light, it is not true. He made what we consider to be incestual relationship romantic. Some of the Targaryens, Tywin and his cousin-wife and such.

If we are right, Dany is pregnant. What will make Jon turn away from her if she is? They are already in love, and with all the points I made, I’ll be sleeping calmly.

[diary-of-an-aries]

2019 prediction - angeloracle

January - you are going to start the year by doing something really practical, nurturing and down to earth. I can see you spending time with friends and family but also working towards abundance and prosperity. You are going to have everything under control, but you can't forget to take some time for yourself. It is going to be important for you to just relax and be by yourself, instead of constantly focusing on work and other people. Your lucky day/number for January is 8 and 10.

February - In February you might be starting some sort of a new healthy habit or restricting yourself in some way. But this is going to be very positive change and it will make you very happy and satisfied. You are going to feel as everything is working out for you and you are truly content. Lucky day/number is 14 and 26.

March - In March, you will have to have a closure of some sort. There might be an event happening, that could make you feel like a failure, but you have to realize, that this is just a sign for you to have a new and much better beginning. There will be something unfinished, that you need to work on. The lesson you need to learn this month is, that you have to follow your dreams in order to be truly happy. Stop depending on others and do what feels right, you are amazing and can do whatever you set your mind to! A lot of things will have to do something with the number 10 (completion, ending).

April - April will be a very happy month for you. After march, you will finally get the happy ending in a situation that you've always wanted. A lot of positive things will happen, so be open to receive. If there is something you have been wanting for a while, it will probably appear this month! A reward after all your hard work is coming.

May - In May, you really have to listen to your intuition. You will be getting a lot of messages this months and if you focus and do what your intuition is guiding you to do, you will be rewarded with abundance and prosperity. Also, you have to communicate clearly with everyone in order to get where you want to. Communicate your desires and stand up for yourself. Lucky numbers for this months are 3 and 4.

June - You might be traveling somewhere in June! If not, you will be experiencing adventure outside and be spending a lot of time in nature. You will start being fully present and enjoying every second of your life. In June, you will be having a lot of fun and you'll just live in the moment! There could also be a friend/family member experiencing all of this with you, could be a fire sign or have a lot of fire in their chart.

July - In July, you will be feeling super confident and excited. There might be a lot of celebrations/parties happening or you will just be spending time with tons of friends and having a great time. This month is going to be very similar to June but you might be even more excited! There could also be a lot of abundance coming your way in July! Lucky number is 8.

August - This month you are going to experience a lot of success. This is going to be connected to creativity, so wherever is creativity connected to your life, in this area you will experience a huge amount of luck in August. If any opportunities come your way this month, be sure to take them and make the best of them!

September - For this month, one of the cards that I've pulled, is Music, so maybe you are doing something that relates to music? Could be dancing, singing, anything... If not, music will play some sort of role this month. There will be a new person or a message coming in regarding your work/school and like I said, it could somehow relate to music. I hope this makes sense lol. You are also going to be very relaxed this month and ready for any challenge that comes your way.

October - You will have to balance your masculine energy this month. There might be a situation requiring you to be very generous but also patient. By being patient, you will learn whats right for you and that not everything was as it seemed before. Try to look at the positive side of all situations and problems that arrive and remember that you can always learn from everything.

November - This month is going to be exciting again! I can see a lot of love and feelings and manifestations coming towards you. You are going to feel so so excited and overwhelmed with positive emotions. Your dreams will be coming true and you will be feeling super intuitive and you will teach others through your experiences. Lucky number is 2.

December - The first card that I got for you in January was the Queen of Pentacles and the last card I got for December is the King of Pentacles. I love this so much hahah. Basically you will start your year as a strong and down to earth, abundant person and you will end it that way. You will feel super proud of yourself. There will be a great feeling of completion, along with feeling healed and satisfied. You will be able to look back at the strong foundation that you have build for yourself and see that you did an amazing job.

[So I feel like this year will be absolutely amazing for you, especially when seeing the ending of 2019, I can tell that you are going to be proud of yourself. The main theme for you is going to be creativity, which is funny, because 2019 in numerology is the universal year number 3, which is also the number of creativity. I with you the best and I hope all of your dreams come true! Good luck and thank you for getting a reading from me💗]

+ “There could be some problems regarding relationship with your friends and also someone could possibly backstab you or dissapoint you in march but I didnt receive any other negative messages, so I think that means that you should focus on the positivity:)”