#the theme of “waking up from a dream��� is making me very sad

[dufferpuffer]

(Note: idk the characters OP mentions or what they are from, I wanted to talk about peoples reaction to disability rep in general)

I think it's fantastic when non-disabled people talk positively about disabled characters, even if they do it a little clumsily (though not in the face of disabled people critiquing it... yeesh...) Just like with other marginalized groups. eg: we can be happy about having more PoC characters... even if we might not fully understand the nuances in their representation. We can be taught about that nuance by those who do understand - and that's how we learn to understand better. That's awesome.

The thing that's annoying, as OP describes, is that - especially for disability representation - existence seems to be the bar for entry. They see a prosthetic and go 'Wowee! Good enough :)'

Maybe existing can pass as 'good representation' for some things - like race, gender or sexual orientation (arguably - important: it depends on the particular media) But that doesn't really work for disability.

Depending on the setting and themes of a narrative, being a different race, gender or orientation doesn't alter how you can live. Having a disability, by definition, DOES alter how you live.

Example: Innocent little kids show, where a bunch of kids go on adventures together, doesn't need to display topics like racism, homophobia, transphobia etc. to be good representation. The kids can just exist the same as everyone else - just existing is enough.

But a disabled kid HAS to be disabled. Their life has to be shown as altered in unique ways - otherwise it risks being harmful. It doesn't need to be anything big, or sad, or the topic of an episode... Infact it's often better when it isn't.

+ Have a character wake their friend up early, knocking on her window - she says 'Wait! Let me get my leg on!!' + They go swimming - and she takes her leg off to swim. + It gets really muddy, so she gets a piggy-back from a friend so she doesn't get her leg stuck. + Or it DOES get stuck and someone pulls it out for her. + She's training for a race and she switches her leg to a running one. + Maybe she isn't in an episode - the other characters can't rely on her skills to solve an issue, because its Physical Therapy day.

You don't need to draw attention to it, she doesn't need to suffer - but she has to be different. She has to live with different worries. She can't just be the exact same as everyone else, because she isn't like everyone else. That's what being disabled means.

If she just does everything everyone else does, with no thought put into the fact she has a fake leg other than 'one of her legs is blue'... you are teaching that disabled people don't live differently. But we DO. We HAVE to. A little kid seeing a character never put any thought into the things they need to worry about doesn't feel GOOD. It feels WORSE.

People of minority racial groups, and people of differing identities, dream of a world where that doesn't matter, they can be the same. Disabled people don't get that dream. Having a leg re-grown...? God, even thinking about the physical therapy, training to walk again... It would just be nice if there was more understanding, more facilities and support, that some of us need to live different lives.

...I am not an amputee. My digestive organs are all messed up - and I have PTSD. That is a very different experience to being an amputee. But I can talk about what I think is good or bad representation, even if it might be clumsy sometimes, because: I understand that good disability representation is in how the character is affected by their disability, not by just existing.

And that's what I would want to share with any non-disabled person who feels excitement seeing a disabled character: think about how it affects their life. Think about the choices they make because of it.

Toph from Avatar isn't 'cool disability representation' because her blindness is accurate or realistic. It isn't. It's fantasy blindness. It's cool because she has to live differently. She uses her bending to super-power 'see' - but not in water, or sand, or for flying things... There is no 'fix' that gives her sight back. Only tools to help. ''How does blindness affect how she can live'' has been considered.

So... you have a character 'you didn't even notice had a prosthetic'. Is there no way in which she is shown to act or think differently because of it...? That's not particularly good representation. There can still be cool parts of it that are worthwhile representation, like an interesting history, or design, or function... ...but she isn't disabled unless she is disabled. Yknow...?

I really wish non-disabled folks would stop commenting on weather or not something is good disability rep, especially when people with those disabilities are critiquing the specific things these folks are bringing up as examples of why the character is so good.

I swear, if I hear one more person say "I didn't even realise Neve was an amputee, that's such good representation!" I'm going to scream lol.

Also just to clarify, I don't think Neve is bad, my feelings on her from a disability representation stance are more complicated, but her disability having such a small impact on her that a shocking number of players said they didnt even notice it until she tells you how she lost her leg is NOT what makes her good. "You cant even tell she's disabled" is not a flex. We've talked about this. Twice.

Same goes for the inquisitor and Hezencost but they're pretty minor characters so I'm seeing less of it there.

[jediwrites]

this won’t work

pairing: anakin skywalker x jedi knight fem!reader

theme: angst/comfort

summary: after a mission, you’re feeling like shit, anakin comes to comfort you.

warnings: a little angst, but we get the confort part too :) mentions of nightmares, toxic thinking (i guess? idk how to name it sorry), sad feelings, probably grammar mistakes

word count: 881

A/N: hello there, just a small work to start (idk if i can call this angst?). i'm really excited to share this with y’all, it’s far from the best but i liked how it turned out. this is the first time i post my writing, so i'm afraid, but really happy too, so i hope yall like it. if you want to make a request (or just want to talk) feel free to ask!

You felt the sweat getting down on your forehead and spine with every swing of your saber, your hands held the base with a strong grip, trying to stop the trembling. You had been in the training room for hours. It was probably late at night, but you didn’t care. You would be there until your body ran out of energy or ran out of those feelings that were consuming your very being. The meditation wasn’t working, so the saber fight had to.  

You shouldn’t be letting those feelings consume you. So much shame, regret, anger. You were a Jedi, for the Maker’s sake. It seems like you were incapable of controlling it, though. You had failed them, how it would be possible for you to not feel anything? 

Since the attack of Grievous and his droids, it has been impossible for you to have a good night. Every time you tried to close your eyes and let sleep take you, the sounds of screams and shots flood your dreams, with the creepy laugh of the cyborg being the melody of them. So you wake up more tired than before. Wanting to run away from those memories, your mind came to the idea that if you worked your body to exhaustion, you probably wouldn’t have dreams or nightmares. 

“This won’t work at all” a voice suddenly filled the room, startling you and making you come to a halt. Your distraction almost got you hit by a blaster, but you deflected it with a fast swing of your lightsaber. With a command, you turned off the droid.

“You scared me, you idiot!”

The man laughed. “Well, I can’t say that wasn’t my objective.”

Rolling your eyes, you retracted your lightsaber, putting it in your belt. Drying the sweat from your forehead with your robe’s sleeve, you turned in his direction.

Looking at Anakin made your heart skip a beat. That’s probably because of the intensive training you were doing seconds ago, nothing related to the man, of course. Crossing your arms over your chest, you spoke:

“I thought you were on a mission.” You weren’t expecting to see him so soon, but you felt the relief of seeing Anakin again getting through your body. 

“You thought right, but the council called me to get back to Coruscant.” Anakin had his arms crossed in his back, with every word he did say, he gave a step to your direction. You kept still, waiting. With only a small distance between you, Anakin put one of his hands on your shoulder, squeezing softly. “Are you alright?”

His caring tone made you break. Before you could prevent it, your eyes were burning and your face was buried in his chest, with his arms around you. You were crying like a baby, probably his robe would be wet after that, but you couldn't care less, neither could he. 

After some time of your crying being the only sound in the room, you calmed down, feeling Anakin’s hand soothing your back. You missed him so much.

“It’s alright, you’ll be alright.”

You moved your head from his chest, being able to see his face without getting away from his embrace. Anakin got a small smile on his lips, you could see the sadness in his eyes. He knew very well what you were feeling. Losing men to the battle wasn't an easy thing that you could just forget that happened, but going on after surviving and fighting for those who had fallen was the best to do. Dwelling in the possibilities of what could have happened if another decision or move had been taken, wouldn’t bring anything good.

Letting his mechanic hand on your back, he put the other in your face, getting rid of the remaining tears from your cheeks. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You thought about it. Maybe it would help, the last time you spoke about the fateful day was with the council, and if you would be honest you didn’t say everything. Right, you told them how you and the soldiers got to fight Grievous and the casualties, but besides the strategic thing — and the tragedy —, you didn't say anything more. In your mind, telling them about how this mission affected you would make them perceive you as weak, or worse, perceive you as someone incapable of returning to the battlefield. So to not give chances, you kept every feeling to yourself.

“No,” you said. “Not now, at least.” 

Having Anakin in your arms made you feel more at ease. It was ironic how this very man, who has a mixture of emotions flooding from himself, was the one capable of soothing your stormy feelings.

A thought passed through your mind, making you a bit embarrassed. Wanting to hide this from him, you got your head back in his chest, tightening even more your arms around him. 

“But I will be glad if you could stay with me, like this, for tonight,” you whispered, a comment only for his ears.

The sound of his laugh made a smile appear on your lips. “My beautiful girl, you don’t have to ask again.” Anakin kissed the top of your head, whispering back. “I won't let you go from my arms tonight” or ever.

[extraordinarilyextreme]

for my own sanity, i'm transcribing ZSX's goodbye video monologue for FDB:

去岁初夏逢君盛 今朝花落梦方醒 故事到此收笔 但人生还长 江湖路远 意气江湖正道安 风华正茂是少年 愿将来的方小包 经历风雨 不忘少年初心 走遍人间 仍有他路可寻 山高水长见日光 始终不忘少年样 前路存知己 江湖有相逢 于道各努力 千里自同风 方多病 希望你不服众望 成为下一个传奇

XSY's was much simpler (both he and CY pretty much just used their lines from the show; only ZSX spoke so much. and as c-netz pointed out, this truly is ZSX! the voice he gave FDB sounds different).

anyway, XSY's goodbye to DFS:

“一个剑客不该有弱点。” "A swordsman shouldn't have any weaknesses." “此生只有一愿，就是赢他。” "In this life, I have only one wish, which is to win him in a fight." 老笛，笛飞声。愿来世你能得偿所愿。 Lao Di, Di Feisheng. I hope, come the next life, all your wishes will come true.

and then CY's goodbye to LXY and LLH:

“去去重去去，来时是来时。” "What is meant to go, will go. What is meant to come, will come." “这人生嘛，本处处都是遗憾。” "In this life, intrinsically, regrets may be found everywhere." “十年了，没有什么放不下的，也更没有什么解不开的结。” "Ten years have passed. There's not much that cannot be set down, not to mention any knots that cannot be untied." 李相夷，李莲花。江湖一程，有幸相逢。再见了。 Li Xiangyi, Li Lianhua. You ventured into the jianghu. If we are lucky, we'll meet again. Goodbye for now.

and at the end of all their videos, the text read:

江湖别处有相逢，杯酒一盏此君行。 Elsewhere in the jianghu, we'll reunite. With this small cup of wine, I bid you farewell and send you off.

[rocketturtle4]

Be My Favorite - When is the present actually the future?

I’m pretty sure writing this is about to consume my entire Saturday but by the time I wake up tomorrow La Pluie will have been out for 6 hours and my Sunday brain will have other things to think about! (it actually only took about half of it so I'm considering that a win)

I have read through my Tumblr feed for people’s thoughts on the latest Be My Favorite episode and I absolutely have to share because I found that while ideas and themes explored mirrored my own thoughts, the conclusions people were putting forth about where the show might be going were completely different.

(Posts I don't specifically reference in this but that which I definitely read and you should too include @syrena-del-mar and @shouldiusemyname here and @chickenstrangers here )

Also shoutout to @bengiyo because I used your sarge watches to reduce how much I had to go back and watch things.

LETS CLOWN

(am I, am I using it right? I have so many questions about the LINGO and I don’t know who to ask)

My Hypothesis: Kawi is going to be faced with the ultimate choice of remaining in the past or the present when the crystal ball runs out of charge and he will choose to remain in the past where he must face his uncertain future.

Okay, stay with me please

Question 1: When is Kawi actually in the present?

Last week I made a throw away post about the time travel being a metaphor for being unable to skip ahead in life without consequences. In particular this scene (a flashback at the very end of episode 4):

Got my brain thinking about how Kawi and the people around him freeze in their character development whenever he jumps forward, so maybe his present is actually in the past.

EVIDENCE

Timeline 1: OG Future

In this timeline Kawi essentially froze the moment the crystal ball was broken. In the OG Future he is distantly acquainted with classmates, sad for the death of his father (from whom he was distant), distant from Max and has never drunk any alcohol. This is all directly reflective of where he was at the time he broke the crystal ball.

Timeline 2: Future 2 – He’s Pisaengs best man

In this timeline he’s been back in the past, and acted very unlike himself because he assumes he's dreaming. At the end of this timeline he ends up in the very early stages of becoming Piseang’s bestie. We have not yet had serious (feelings) tension between Piseang and Kawi, only a single night of bonding and I would argue that in this particular future timeline, Piseang is not in love with Kawi. He has become a platonic bestie (something that could never happen without the time skip) because these were the emotions Kawi and Piseang had for each other in the past even if these were pretty fledgling emotions when Kawi left. (Also, Kawi now drinks heavily, something he did for the first time in this immediate past when he thought it was a dream).

Timeline 3: Future 3: Piseang is in love with him and abandons his own wedding.

In the past Kawi is more intentional with his actions to change things. We also see his confusion around how he became Piseangs best man because as Kawi continues to grow and learn this option doesn’t make sense (But as a frozen version of the previous past's future…) (I'm losing track of the tense I can feel it)

In this timeline we have only progressed slightly further through the past but all the development was around Kawi and Piseang and Piseang’s growing feelings  (Piseang getting Kawi the plushie happens in this Future’s linked Past). And we come forward to Piseang finally giving into his feelings and kissing Kawi. This scene is very similar to Piseang almost kissing Kawi in the past in the following episode (episode 3) when they fall over because in Piseang’s arc these things happened at a pretty similar point in time, its just that in this future he was frozen at his point of realization until Kawi’s consciousness returned to his body on the morning of Piseang’s wedding. He could only act after Kawi was back to being old!Kawi, because of things being frozen.

Timeline 4: He’s Famous and it’s a mess

In the linked past here, Kawi has JUST debuted as a lead singer, has turned down Piseang kindly but Piseang has made his devotion clear, has decided to date Pear ‘because he’s in love with her’ BUT Pear is feeling uncertain about her place in Kawi’s life (evidence: both the bar scene with Not, and the hospital scene) and is friends with Max again. (Also I'm not sure if I already linked @lurkingshans post with Kawi 'interupting his own growth arc midstream.' it definitely kicked my brain into gear)

In the future he is a famous singer, distant but close to Piseang, and friends with Max (why has Max stuck with him huh?) also Not and Pear and Kwan provide, in my opinion, strong evidence for their frozenness because we’ve just seen in the past that Not has feelings for Pear and Kwan has feelings for Not, and this is the exact feelings scenario we get in the future. There has been no change. They're frozen in their feelings from 12 years ago.

We also have had posts about the idea that Kawi has gotten drunk and kissed Piseang multiple times through this jump. (Which makes perfect sense if you freeze his character at this exact point of uncertain feelings that are being ignored) (@piningintrovert here) (also this post where for some reason my @ won't let me tag dropthedemiurge IM SORRY) (also here) @becomingabeing

Also his alcoholism is spiralling because he has not learnt anything about drinking responsibly in the (mere days/weeks) it’s been since episode 1 started (and alcoholism is definitely more complicated, but in this specific context you have an individual that’s just started drinking heavily because they’ve discovered alcohol and their life is super confusing and these habits aren't checked or changed because his growth is frozen, there are simply the consequences) (not saying this is the case just the case in the context of this theory)

Counterpoint

Kawi’s dad has survived surgery in the past but is still dead in the future.

I don’t necessarily think this is strong evidence against my point but it’s worth mentioning.

Question 2:

How does Kawi’s Memory Work in these Futures?

This is a separate thread but it’s related to my theory because in Timeline’s 2 & 3, Kawi appeared to have no memory of the intervening years. (Inference: He hasn't really lived them)

Timeline 4 was a little different but the memories seemed to need specific triggers (speaking aloud, seeing a person) to come back. We saw in his arguments with Pear and Piseang that he DID seem to gain and settle into his memories more as he thought about the intervening past (intervening past = the time between when he left the past and arrived in Future 4).

We see 2 different flashbacks of the ‘Pear leave’s Kawi’ moments. 1 seemed to be Kawi remembering (trigger is when he sees Pear for the first time). 2 seems to be Piseangs own memories (flashbacks are always so frustrating because who is remembering? Is Kawi remembering this too?.

Kawi also just slips into being less jaded and work focused than his (frozen) future self apparently is. (Sudden carfree metaphorical ocean romp definitely relevant here)

ALSO Kawi freaks out about his own memory in episode 7 3/4 10.30 (re Piseang’s new number) (this almost felt like young!Kawi was overlayed with old!Kawi and so we were getting conflicting reasons for the memory lapse (is he sick? did he call Piseangs old number as young!Kawi without thinking?)

Counterpoint

The scene at the very end of episode 7 threw a small but solid spanner in the works of my brain because when does this scene take place? Piseang says eight years, original jump forward was 12 (I think) so therefor this is in the intervening years. Which I kind of thought of as frozen/fairly nonexistent (Except specifically when a character thinks about them) so I am not sure how this scene fits in.

This could be something Kawi will specifically think about before going back in time

(see this post for more clowning @sparklyeyedhimbo)

(side note, his jacket looks super similar to the flashback jacket in this counterpoint scene - it's not the same one though)

How old is Kawi’s brain?

I also made a throw away post about this last week, I have no clearer thoughts on this except that it’s intriguing to ask how old the Kawi traversing between the past and the future actually is? This post is so long I’m just going to link it. It’s not very fleshed out.

Side Point

One thing that floated into my brain while thinking about all this was the recent Step By Step episode and the dissatisfaction everyone felt about the time skips. So often used as a means of progressing a characters life while rarely showing meaningful character growth.

Could this whole show be a commentary on time skips and their conceptual flaws as a means of fast-tracking character growth?

I think it’s a bit of a reach, but I also don’t tend to read into directors/creators intentions as much so I thought I’d put it out there for people to chew over.

Additional hypotheses/questions I’m chewing on:

Q: Will his dad survive if he chooses to stay in the past to take care of him?

Q: How many sets of memories does he have, does he remember any of the intervening past between main past timeline and future 2 and main past timeline and future 3? Are the memories getting overlayed?

Conclusion

 As @lurkingshan pointed out, Kawi interrupts his character growth when he jumps forward in time. We have to go back in time to keep growing. Yet we’ve gone back and forward and back and forward 4 times now and the future is always messy because the characters can’t live on without change for 12 years and still grow together. I could absolutely see the show choosing to go in the direction put forth by @wen-kexing-apologist and @stuffnonsenseandotherthings here also @lurkingshan and @ginnymoonbeam have interesting thoughts about Kawi having to stop trying to change the future and live with his choices to move forward.

It's just that I think he is going to do that in the past giving up his chance to jump forward without growth. Because he has to choose not to know where he is going, to truly live in the present.

Savy?

(please point out all the holes in my theory, I am so invested I need some PERSPECTIVE)

[itspdameronthings]

Switch to Ch.2 Missing Scene

Summary:Here it is! Something that has been in my head for along while. Whatever happened the day after the boys and Doc returned home. Here is my thought. Filled with lots emotion,and adultish theme. no minors please. Has been a huge honor to be the cowriter for my buddy,@autumnleaves1991-blog epic mini series. for the ones that have not read it? in for a treat!

after a long  day with Molly and the girls. Try not to tear up too much,but you couldn't help it. Driving towards home was a rather slow one hence the traffic jam caused by a wreck. Great! Just fucking great!listen to the radio till a very familiar song comes on. will. Your friend. Thought about him since arriving home yesterday. Soon the traffic has lightened up. Reached the exit that leads to the apartment building where Him and Benny live . Soon you parked the car. Taking a deep breath. Talking to yourself,” okay girl, time to go upstairs. Be prepared for anything. He might not be ready to talk about what's really going on in his head,have to wait. Oh I hope he opens up.” 

Will wakes up from a knock on the door. Rubbing sleep from his eyes. Dressed in only his sweats. No shirt . Not wanting to aggravate his wound. Been asleep for a long time. Knocking continues till opening the door sees you,” oh ! Hey there Doc. What brings you by? Something wrong” closed the door while taking your shoes off.followed by placing your stuff on a chair,” wanna come over to see if you are okay. Hopes that you were able to get your wound checked out.”  By looking on the table seeing bandages, meds ,and other stuff on the table. Going over to see if the bandages need to be changed.Will sits down in his favorite chair looking at you,” I went an hour after three of you left. Your friend patched me up. Was worried shit about you. By the way, he wants details. Which I declined. Told him you would.wanna know though. How is Pope? “ Looking at him with sad eyes.  Hard to relive that moment. Taking a deep breath while rubbing your clammy hands together,” First three of us chatted. Till we fell asleep. Till… the nightmares  Will! Poor boys. Santi’s was bad! Followed by Benny’s breaks my heart. It's like how we were when we were still  in the Army. After a horrible mission. Thought we ….” Will scoots over to you. So he could hold you close,” Figured might happen. Especially Pope. My advice is to give him more strength to cope. Benny too. Also … Iet them help you with yours . “ Last thing he said made you blush for a moment. Rubbing your eyes,” Roger captain. Better go. Boys are making dinner “ Will laughs as he walks you to the door,” Benny? Cooking? Better have  the fire department on stand by.” That made you laugh. After closing the door something fell on the floor. Looking at it made his heart ache. Picture of the team including Tom,and Blue. Like a sign . Placing it on the shelf,” I know what you are thinking redfly. Think I need to make amends with Blue? Not in the cards. Can't see her, or better yet hear from her.” 

Back at the apartment there was activity in the small kitchen. Benny and Santi begin to prepare a nice dinner. Thought it would be best to make enough for leftovers. Santi start to slice the veggies while Benny grates the cheese. Both of them didn't say much since both of them are tired. After going to the Army headquarters to shopping. Only thing on their mind was you. Their angel. Right on cue you come in. See what's going on. So sweet. Walking towards the counter to snag a slice of cheese,” Looks good my boys. Smells heavenly. “ Benny is the first one to kiss you. Oh how you melt in his strong, warm arms. Right then and there he knew something was not right. Tilts your chin up,” What's wrong sweetheart. Don't say nothin is wrong. No secrets, remember?” Taking a huge breath,” Remember that night in the hotel when I had a bad dream? Was too scared to talk about it. Think I can tell you. It's about … both of you getting shot in front of me! Was so real!” That moment both of them encased you in their warmth. Kisses that soothes any kind of trauma. Santi whispers,” Ohh.. baby . Hate for you to deal with that. I knew something was wrong when you passed on your favorite action movie while we were on the plane back home. Sounds of guns shooting and shit. Tell you what. Go ahead and lie down with Benny. I'll be there soon as I finish cooking.” 

Benny picks you up in a bridal position. Walking slowly to the bedroom. Where the bed remained messy. Didn't care if it was neat or not. Since coming home neatness wasn't an issue. Sitting you on the edge of the bed Benny kissed your forehead,”  I'll get something comfortable to wear. I know just the thing. Something from the past.” Returning with the very tee he wore the day both of you first met. Paired with an old pair of shorts. Must belong to Santi since they were faded and old. After putting them on,and getting into bed. Watching Benny changing clothes ever so slowly. Can't stop staring at him. So handsome,and oh so sexy . See him undress so many times,but now? He isn't just your best friend ,but now he is your lover. So is Santi. Feel safe. Turned around in time to see your beautiful face smiles,” See ya like to watch me undress. How about I join you naked. “ Can't say no to that. Soon he gets in the cover. Pulls you closer to him. Listen to his heartbeat while playing with some chest hair,” This is what I longed for. To be held and to be protected. Thought I could shake that dream! Been replaying it over and over while I slept. Guess I wasn't near both of you. “ Felt Benny's fingertips tracing patterns on your  shoulder followed by a few kisses on the forehead,” I'm here sweetheart. Not going anywhere. Now close your  eyes. Relax. I'll be here. So will Pope.” Looking into his eyes again,” Love you” That is when you closed your eyes. Savoring Benny's special scent that's so soothing. Last thing you heard was,”Love you too.” 

Finishing up the last details on the Spaghetti sauce. Santi looks towards the bedroom. Heart aches for you. Think that dinner can wait. Goes over to the room. Snuggle close to you. Look so beautiful in slumber. Benny is half awake. Seeing his buddy. Whispers,” I know that look bro. You're worried about her too. I for one would want to take those fears from her mind. Even though she's asleep.  “ Santi knows what he's thinking. Shimming off his sweats and tee. Both of them start their quest. Santi lifts your leg over his. Ever slowly teasing cock against your folds. While Benny finds your hand near his cock. Guides the hand along his long shaft. Eyes closed savoring the sensation of the soft hand. Sound of a whimper from you,” Mmmm… must be dreaming. Feels like I am. Mmmm… continue on your quest of me. “ Both of them nod , Santi grinds himself ever slowly to hear that sweet moan. Benny holds onto your hand guiding it to where it's needed . Moving the blanket down for you to rub his balls. Santi moans ,” go ahead sweetheart go down on him I know you want you to. “ Pulls out made you whimper as you move on your knees to some deep throating. On fours as Santi dives in on your pussy to get it wet again. Two sets of hands playing with your breasts,and nipples. Oh your wetness seeping in Santi’s mouth . Ready for his cock to be in haven. Dives right in that caused you to moan with delight. Until Benny pulls you down to kiss your lips,” Mmmm.. never thought I would taste myself on your luscious lips . Love to kiss you more. “ Santi kept up his pace till you cum. Felt like ages since that happened. He collapsed on top of you. Still inside you,” mind if we stay like this, or you're ready for dinner?” You whimper,” let's stay like this for a moment. Need this. “ Benny grunts,” Anything ya want sweetheaert. Anything you want.” 

Hour later all three of you venture to the kitchen for a late dinner. Santi prepares to warm up the sauce,and the pasta. Come behind Santi . You kiss his shoulder,” Been wanting to say that I love you today. Wanna keep on saying it till you get it through your head.” Santi sighs while stirring the sauce,” I do. Really do. I'll do my very best to make up for the lost time.” Benny chimes in,” I second that. “ 

After dinner the boys clean up. You were on the phone checking messages. See that Blue has left a few texts: 

Blue: Dom told me about Will! Hope he's okay! Heard about Tom! How are you! 

Blue: guess you're running errands since you didn't answer the first text. I'm at home if you want to tell me what happened over there!

Doc: sorry about that! Was at Molly's. Followed by visiting Will. He is okay. Oh forgot to mention that I'm with both Benny and Santi now. Never thought in a million years that would happen. I'm finally happy. 

Blue: Finally! How was the sex! Want details! Favorite porn coming alive. 

Doc: Really? Since when? Okay, it happened in the chopper. Lots of hands and mouth action. Benny and I made love in a cave. Then three of us in a hotel room. Was magic! 

Blue: need a cold drink. I'm thinking about moving close to all of you. Think it's time I make amends with Will. Miss him so much! 

Doc: I know you do! Told him about your break up. He seems… still.. upset. Thinking you were with your ex. I'll see if there any openings at the hospital. I'll let you know. 

Blue: thanks !! 

Putting the phone down . Benny kisses you,” checking messages I see” 

Kisses him back,” Yeah, let's go to bed. Another hard day ahead. Wanna say that I'm glad I'm not alone.” Kisses you back,” Me too! We all can't be alone. Now we are a family. Always there for one another.” 

After what happened in Columbia still fresh on their minds. Time will heal all wounds. New beginnings will begin. Followed by healing. Which all of them need . Hope nothing happens like that ever again.

[chibishortdeath]

I got a new sketchbook since I filled one recently :3c. Shout out to suddenly getting a ton of energy and drawing bizarre fanart at 1 am 💀💀💀.

I’m putting the more violent ones under a cut even if the post is already tw tagged because of the subject matter being a bit dark d(^^ ).

Along with explanations for all of them of course!

⚠️tw for self harm and burning past this point⚠️

First one (before the cut) is just some pose practice. Simon’s just sitting, all sad and mopey. There’s also a little chibi doodle of him in the bottom corner and a little pose armature in the top corner for a pose I didn’t even end up drawing whoops lol. I feel like I drew his face a little differently than I usually do in this one :O. Idk how that happened lol.

This one is to show the differences in anatomy between each game! The curse takes a lot out of him, poor guy, so he’s a bit less jacked than usual 😔. Well, more specifically he doesn’t have as much of a layer of protective fat anymore. And he’s also very tired :(. But yeah, this is just a reference I’ll look back at to keep this detail consistent! I was going to put scar reference on it too, but I completely forgot and eh it mighta made it kinda hard to make out anyway d(- - ).

I drew this side profile of Simon while watching a video talking about lost media stuff. I think the image I based it on was something Saki Sanobashi related, idk I just liked the vibes of the hair being blown back by wind and got inspired :). And yes I know that Saki is probably a hoax 💀💀💀💀💀, I didn’t have much interest in it tho tbh, besides just hoping something lost gets found in general. Lost media videos are honestly great for putting on as background noise when drawing :)

Simon is totally me when I have a crisis and cover my face with my hands, but make sure one eye is visible and miraculously out of shadow for dramatic effect!!!

Ok spookier stuff time, first of the below the cut drawings. This one is based on how sometimes vampires are depicted as being able to drain someone from long distances or beyond the grave. Dracula is mean, and Simon is suffering from the curse, the usual. Augh I actually need to do things cause I keep thinking of a cool scene of Simon having a weird Dracula nightmare and then waking up to see it wasn’t a dream, and that’s tropey as hell, but it’s spooky!!! Do you see my vision?

This is a depiction of like what happens with a game over or something :O. Like an absolute worst possible outcome: Simon dies and Dracula is unsealed and fully regenerated. I basically just took is Simon’s Quest design and then rehydrated it and tada, Dracula is no longer a skeleton— He ends up looking way more like Vlad the Impaler in this outfit hmmm. Also, unrelated, but a friend of mine mistook Dracula for Jesus in this drawing 💀💀💀.

Oh boy, edgy depictions of uh a lot of not being very kind to yourself themes. Idk how else to describe this one other than ya know when you get really mad at your past self for making a mistake or the wrong decision that you could’ve only known about in hindsight? Also in part the fear of actually becoming a vampire at the end of all of this? And I guess a bit of feeling like it’s your own fault, you’re the one that keeps shooting yourself in the foot, but I feel like he’d also attribute getting hit by Dracula in the first place as his fault too… hmm just a lot of very sad things going on, this one was definitely a later 1 am time drawing, maybe 1:40 or something. I think what I draw at night is further proof to not trust you when you’re tired; I get weirdly existential at night and then it’s totally fine in the morning. Simon! Just sleep! Stop overthinking!!! You’ll be ok!!!

This one I debated putting up at all cause it’s graphic and not finished (TwT ;). But it was a rare drawing of Simon smiling that didn’t look uncanny, which is kinda ironic because Simon this is not the time to be smiling—! That is also wayyy too far for just the Dracula ritual, you really only need a tiny amount to open the seal, but I’ll cut him some slack cause he is a bit at wits end by this point. I’d say maybe he’s smiling because he thinks he finally won, but tbh I thought of it more like when things are just so bad you start laughing. Like Dracula just rose from the altar and the morbid irony of it all is just so absurd, the irony that you did everything right and fought tooth and nail (Dracula’s to be exact lol) to stop it and here it is happening anyway. I wanna give this guy a weighted blanket and a bowl of warm soup—

These last two are based on what could’ve happened to him. The Grey ending is pretty much usually considered the “worst”, but they’re all nearly interchangeable, especially in the Japanese version. For example: the western release really makes the Blue ending seem like he died and didn’t kill Dracula, but it’s a lot more that he just died doing it in the original, which is to say that it’s kinda like the Grey ending just with a different eulogy— Anyway, the Grey ending is the only one that doesn’t show Simon at Dracula’s grave, so I’ve always taken it as he didn’t make it out of the castle basement. And well, setting Dracula on fire is a pretty common way to kill him so uh um, R.I.P. I’ve got a couple ideas for alternate comic endings to say the least. I might honestly just depict all of them and leave it entirely up to the reader which one happened because it doesn’t change much— Though this also has me thinking of how him surviving would work now. The curse would definitely have left some lasting effects, you don’t just magically stop having been rotted, sleep deprived, and whatever else it did. Idk I picture him being like Renfield levels of lost it afterwards if that makes sense… that could also be a pretty solid explanation for why his story isn’t told correctly and the cycle repeats with Maxim later; it’d be a pretty traumatic thing to talk about tbh. Ok but yappersvile over, next doodle 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Aside from the burnt doodle that’s uh same explanation as the above (R.I.P.), the other two are just a little head angle and expression practice and one tiny one towards the top that’s Dracula being all spooky ghost vampire, but I didn’t like how it was looking and gave up on it 💀💀💀. It’s very hard to draw a vampire attacking someone and not have it look kinda awkward or unreadable. Tbh I struggle putting two characters in one image anyway because I have to draw the anatomy lines for both of them and they end up getting really hard to tell apart when one is behind another, one character suddenly isn’t proportional compared to the other, or you find out one of them isn’t tall enough for the pose you had in mind (>~< ). So anyway Dracula was accidentally way too short all of a sudden and I couldn’t figure out how to draw his torso without making a completely incomprehensible blob behind Simon oof.

Okie, it’s lunch time, bye :3!

[aziralock42]

Ok, here is my analysis of each song of the official angelic playlist of our dear ineffable husbands (azira and crowley). I listened to them and I will write to whom I feel the lyrics correspond.

The hidden phrase is: season three (can i hear a wahoo?)

1. Crowley. Him suffering to see Aziraphale leaving with Metatron, is him preferring to stay blind after seeing how he left him alone 😭 he doesn't want him to leave him, and he can only sit there thinking about his kiss :(

2. Crowley. He will still love him no matter where Aziraphale is, his heart will still beat for him no matter what 😭 it's the Titanic song.

3. Crowley. Shit, this one hurt me a lot, Crowley sleeps to dream about him, he describes how Sandman puts him of his magic when he closes his eyes and so he dreams that he talks to him, that he walks with him, that they are together 💔 but the moment comes when he wakes up and comes back to reality where azira is gone "i remember that you said goodbye".

4. Aziraphale (female voice) and Crowley (male voice). Azira convincing himself that the answer (the solution) is not them together, because now there is nothing that can change what happened, maybe things would be better if only he had known how crowley feels about him, he assumes his mistake, and says he thinks about him when he is alone. He tries to pretend that he doesn't spend all his time thinking about what could have been. On the other hand, crowley shows up and claims what's the point of continuing to pretend they are not more than friends, wonders why he would end something he enjoys. Just a sign from aziraphale would suffice, one place and one hour, he would go for it.

5. Aziraphale (I had my doubts, but since in a certain part he asks the lord for something, I think it would have to be him). Aziraphale in love with crowley, seeing him as the boy of his dreams, but then falls into the reality that it only happens in his imagination. He begins to fantasize about the perfect life they could have together. He prays to God that no one will take his love away from him, otherwise he will die.

6. Crowley. Basically Crowley a little bit spiteful HAHAHA he thinks azira didn't even shed a tear so what difference does it make if now that he's sorry and looking to apologize, since he already cried a whole river and suffered for him, it's his turn to suffer. He doesn't forget everything he said to him.

7. Aziraphale. This is beautiful, I feel it's him as he romanticizes the dance and mentions that he loves to hear him read something to him. Sounds to me like an Azira completely in love and how he relates his feelings to a book of love.

8. Aziraphale. This one is my favorite in regards to how beautiful it is, and it's very very aziraphale. This vintage song makes me imagine him gawking at the kiss that has been stolen, as he can't help but think how magical it was and how his lips have never been so strangely arranged. Azira so smitten as he remembers that unforgettable kiss that marked him heart and soul.

9. AZIRAPHALE 😭. It's amazing how well it fits the situation, Crowley wishing to have something with him and be happy together as his dream, while Azira, although he loves him and recognizes that he is a great guy, chooses to keep developing and growing to get that great supreme angel power. I could write an essay on what this song represents so I'll leave that for another post. Something that touched my heart, that I must mention, is when he says "he was sunshine, I was midnight rain", because aziraphale sees himself with pain and sadness while Crowley was his light, but he still chose to leave and go on his way.

10. AZIRAPHALE. Clearly it's about how he hides his pain with a smile, the show must go on. I love that these last two songs very much represent the reasons why he made the decision to leave and helps to understand this poor little angel more.

11. Crowley. This one saddens me because crowley believes that he is not reciprocated, that he is not enough and tries to convince himself that everything will be okay.

5 Crow, 5 Azira + Azira/Crow =11 songs

That's all for today, I hope you liked the interpretation and join me in this pain <3

[pawtisserie-0022]

💙Obey Me Headcannons + OC💙

Lucifer

He has a peacock tail in demon form and I refuse to believe otherwise

He preens his wings regularly but you'll often find his black feathers littering the House of Lamentations during certain parts of the year

He resists the urge to pet every dog he sees, big dogs? Yes. Little dogs? Yes, he likes all dogs but Cerberus is his favorite ofc

Sometimes you'll find him outside after he's finished with his work in the late hours of the night, seemingly talking to himself, but it feels more like he's talking to the Moon

Mammon

Surrender all of your shinies to him immediately he wants all of them, that a new shiny bracelet? It's his now. New sparkly necklace? Gone. Pretty hair clip you go recently? Do you even need to ask

He has a shiny object from all of his brothers as a keepsake, even one from Satan, who knows how he got it

Kleptomania™ your items are not safe

HATES magpies, he doesn't know why he just doesn't like magpies. He thinks they're jerks

Leviathan

When he found out about the existence of Hatsune Miku trough a Ruri-Chan collab he became a Miku fan too (Ruri-Chan is still forever tho)

Handcrafted cosplays out the wahzoo, expert craftsmanship, Asmodeus seems to really like this side of him

He made his own Ruri-Chan plushie, spent like 3 days on it because everything had to be perfect

You WILL cosplay with him, no ifs, ands or buts, PUT ON THE DRESS.

Satan

All of his bookmarks are cat themed or cat related

Sebastian Michaelis' best friend™

Sometimes, he has an inexplicable urge to bask in daylight for seemingly no actual reason other than it seems like a really appealing, sometimes he'll join Belphegor when he's sleeping in the sun

If you throw a cucumber at him he'll jump at least 5 feet into the air before yelling at you

Asmodeus

Owns an abhorrent amount of makeup, all of which will be going on your face

Who needs acrylic nails with claws like that? Girl bye

Unironically listens to Barbie Girl while doing his makeup, everyone can hear it in the morning,

He's a Mettaton kinnie trough and trough, he's got the glamor, the confidence, the bloodlust, the power, I wouldn't be surprised if he owned a pair of thigh hight hot pink heeled boots

Beelzebub

A very large, hungry, affectionate puppy

When he found out that humans make popcorn bags almost the size of a full grown man he BEGGED Lucifer to please get one for the next movie night

He got his popcorn in the end and was extremely happy about it, insert happy bear noises here

He likes looking at the Stars, they make him feel happy whenever he's alone, and finds comfort in watching them before he goes to sleep

Belphegor

Sometimes he'll have dreams of everyone together back in the Celestial Realm. They make him sad after he wakes up knowing it was just a dream but he enjoys them while they last.

Hypersomnia™

Wanna see someone get dragged like a ragdoll from one class to another while they're sleeping?

Always drinks a glass of warm milk before sleeping for like a week straight, good luck waking him up unless someone is literally dying

Yingpei

"MC please sit dOWN-"

Please stop giving him heart attacks for three seconds he can only handle so much at a time-

He doesn't understand any typical human slang, living in a village cut off from most of society turns out to disconnect someone from from your typical human being

There's something off about him sometimes, as if he knows more then he should for someone supposedly so disconnected from regular people, strangely enough, Lucifer seems to trust him, Solomon fears him to an extent

Adorable borders can be found here!

(ignore the tags)

[magicmumu2]

Very weird dream. From what I can make of it, it was Supergirl themed. Supergirl and Kara were two separate entities, either Kara was fractured from Supergirl or there was multiple universes involved and they were later joined to make the Supergirl character the show gave us, or whatever. In my dream though Kara could think and speak in this jumbled coded Kryptonian that only Supergirl could somewhat understand but it takes her a while and nobody from Earth could grasp it. For whatever reason Supergirl had all the powers and stuff but Kara's intelligence was advanced even within Kryptonian academic guilds. It was like she was an autistic Kryptonian. Kara and Supergirl both really love Cat Grant and Cat Grant loved both of them and kind of wished the two of them combined could be with her but she wasn't sure how she felt about both of them at the same time being with her.

So I could not really remember what happened but both Kara and Supergirl got into some kind of trouble where they were held separately and Cat Grant went to get them both. She managed to get to Kara first but because Kara didn't have any Supergirl powers she wasn't very much help, and because Cat couldn't really understand Kara they didn't know what each other wanted to do in this situation to go and save Supergirl. There was a moment where they were for whatever reason near some TV screens and Kara did something to where she was trying to talk to Cat and tell her something, but Cat couldn't understand her. Kara ended up doing something to the TV and the TV began showing these images, but all the audio was different and overlapped with something else and so it was all this really jumbled images and audio but just nothing matched. There was also some kind of weird beeping/tone in the background that had no real rhythm and it was just chaos pretty much on screen. While she was showing this, Kara was doing some kind of signing language. in my head I could hear a voice over of what she was saying, but awake all I know is that it was something about 'attitude' because that 'hand signal' was flashed a lot by Kara in her rant, I could not remember the whole thing and Cat didn't know what she was trying to say.

Eventually they got to this point where Cat decided to get from one building to the next by climbing this like arch thing, part of the architecture that connected the two buildings because it was the fastest way to get there past security and all that stuff. But Kara didn't want Cat to do that and so she ended up doing some rescue move that sacrificed herself because the world needs a Supergirl more than they needed Kara. In her logic, Kara may have been advanced in her knowledge but she couldn't really physically save the planet like the planet needed, even if her intelligence could have been used. Before she did her thing (I can't remember what it was), Cat told Kara that she did know despite not understanding the entire thing, what Kara said to her with the TV. Kara was in the end trying to tell her that she loved her. Cat said that she also loved her and Supergirl both. Kara smiled before she went and did her thing.

But in the end of my dream for some reason there were these people who had been affected by Kara in the short time she was there and on Earth I think, or on our multi-level universe or whatever. I think there were just some average people who just kind of came together for like a breakfast or something in honor of Kara. For some reason they were translucent in my dream, I think to show that they were these memories that Kara created and kind of as a way for Kara to live on. It made me wake up really sad.

[baziutawrites]

A dream of the past

Xavier Thorpe x Female OC (Valerye Zamoyski)

Beginnings part 7

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8]

Other smut fics through my Masterlist.

Summary: Oh, how the tables have turned.

Warnings: Slow burn. Angst and bits of fluff. Missed signals, miscommunication. Two oblivious idiots idioting some more. Xavier being sad. Therapy session written by a non-therapist.

A/N: I have found a face claim for Valerye! It is perfect for the bone structure I had in mind for her but I am now so nervous to share it, ugh.

Valerye rarely dreamed at night. And whenever she did, which happened sporadically, she didn’t remember much. The feelings that they left, however, were the only indication she did dream about something.

Since the fateful day that caused her family to seek shelter across the ocean, she only dreamed twice. Both times caused her to jolt upright with a scream in the middle of the night, startling Yoko out of her dazed night-time state.

With how much her heart pounded in her chest, sweat dripped down her back and face, getting into her eyes, she knew the dreams were not pleasant in the slightest. Her throat, tight and dry, clamped shut at any attempt to tell Yoko she was fine, that she didn’t want to talk about it, or even lie and say she didn’t know what the nightmare was about.

She knew perfectly well. And didn’t want to remember that.

To say Valerye was surprised to wake up with an entirely different tightness in her chest the night after the Rave’N would be an understatement. To add to the confusion, she saw snippets from her dream swim in front of her eyes as she recalled the entirety of it. Piece by piece.

The lights were dimmed now. She swayed slowly, in tune to the music that now caused lone people to scatter back to their tables, hidden in between the plants. Thornhill really outdid herself with the theme for the dance.

She felt a pair of large palms snake their way to her waist in a delicate, almost featherlight manner. As if the owner was scared she was going to disappear if they moved too fast.

“Care to dance with me?” A low voice rang in her ear.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, she shivered. The goosebumps erupted on her exposed arms, as the scent of the cologne she liked so much reached her nose. She closed her eyes ever so slightly and breathed in.

The familiarity of this person made her feel safe.

“Would love to.”

She turned around to meet Xavier’s gaze, half-lidded and warm. His hands brought her closer to him, making Val rest her arms around his neck. She pressed herself into his chest. Feeling the hardness of his torso underneath his dress shirt, when he dipped his head to rest against her temple. It felt as if they were drifting, alone but together, carried by the slow music around them.

She had to do everything in her power not to glide her arms down Xavier’s shoulders. Not to slide her fingers against the lines of his neck and into his perfectly tied bun. Not to cup his cheek, not to feel the smoothly shaved skin of his sharp jaw. Not to press her thumb against his plump lips. Not to turn his head down and bring his face to hers, not to feel his hot breath against her.

But she did.

“What took you so long?” Val whispered into his mouth and her voice stuttered. Xavier’s hands slid up along the line of her back, only to rest at the nape of her neck. She could feel her stomach tighten. Her face flushed at the delicate tugs he now made on the loose strands of her hair. It sent shivers straight to her very core.

“You’re quite… intimidating.”

His eyes dark with how much his pupils were blown out under the dim lights showed determination. She could almost taste him, he was so close. His forehead rested on hers.

“Even now?”

“Especially now.”

He dipped his head lower and brushed his full lips against the corner of her mouth, only to turn slightly and do the same against her lips. And Valerye could swear the world has stopped.

She now laid in her bed, playing out the scene over and over again in her mind’s eye. Remnants of sleep long gone. In its place, a low burning heat formed in her chest, creeping up her cheeks and down her thighs.

“What the fuck?”

From the other side of the room, Yoko snorted loudly.

.***.

Fuck the commute on Sundays.

Val was almost late for her appointment with Dr Kinbott again. The dazed feeling she woke up with accompanied her the entire morning. The dream, the god forsaken dream, flashing before her eyes, over and over again as she tried and failed to make sense of it. 

It got so bad she kept losing her train of thoughts during the therapy session at every mention of Xavier’s name. 

It didn’t go unnoticed.

“You’re particularly distracted today.”

“Hm?” Valerye blinked. She zoned out again. Shit. “Oh, I’m sorry. What was the question?”

“I feel like you have a lot on your mind.”

She shrugged. No way in hell was she going to tell her about her dream. Tell anyone at that. It was just that - a dream. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing to fuss about. Nothing to ponder, nothing to try and make sense of–

“I asked, what do you feel about the events that took place during the Outreach Day now.”

This again.

“Nothing has changed since the last time you’ve asked.” The words came out harsher than she anticipated, so she added quickly, “I still feel it is unjust, the whole shtick. It was blown out of proportion. I didn’t even touch them. They were the ones… they hurt– him.”

“Xavier, you mean.” Dr Kinbott scribbled in her notepad. “You’re still angry about it. About him.”

“How can I not be? They’re the ones that beat him up so bad he ended up in a hospital for a goddamn week.”

“It is not that you shouldn’t be angry. The question is, do you accept the fact that you’re angry? Allow yourself to feel it and–?”

“And get thrown out of the school if I show again? No thank you.” Val scoffed. 

“Or maybe you feel angry because your actions were perceived as reckless? Let me finish,” the therapist added, seeing how Val shifted in her seat again. “I am not judging you. In fact, I think you have made a rightful decision there. But I also think you didn’t think about yourself, about your own safety, at all. You could have gotten hurt.”

“You sound just like him.” Val murmured.

“Maybe Mr Thorpe is right then?” 

Valerye pursed her lips into a thin line.

“I… I just… couldn’t stand there and watch him get hurt. When he did nothing wrong.” The ring on her finger looked very interesting all of the sudden.

“And now you feel angry because what you did wasn’t wrong either. But you now get ‘hurt’ because of that. How does it sound to you?”

“It… could be.” Val hesitated. She could feel the conversation was about to steer into some territory she didn’t want to get into.

“It is normal to want to protect those who mean a lot to us.” A slight smile curled Dr Kinbott’s lips. “I know he does. I see the way you speak about him. But you must not forget about yourself here, Valerye.”

A strange sort of sensation blossomed in her chest. The world was so hellbent on circling back to Xavier today it seemed. Her dream, as if on cue, rose to the surface once again and she had to shake her head instantly. She couldn’t get distracted again.

“Maybe I am wrong.” The therapist broke the silence first. “And correct me if I am but I’m thinking whether something similar might have happened before. Given how much this affected you.”

She eyed Valerye’s stiffening form. She was now picking her words carefully, weighing them before speaking.

“That you might’ve been trying to… sort of, make amends for something that happened, or you feel should’ve happened. Make things right. Make things just.”

It was almost as if her blood was slowly curdling in her insides. Freezing her in her spot. The words slowly reached her, muffled, as if she was going underwater. Did Kinbott know about the reason they had to run away? Did she know about that evening, that fucking evening, when she royally fucked everything up? 

That she was the sole reason for this whole goddamn ordeal? 

“Did Weems tell–”

The words caught up in a low growl. A wave of fresh, burning anger exploded in her throat. How could she tell anyone? Shame trickled down its sticky droplets into her mind too, it constricted her lungs as if she breathed in a mouthful of ash from over a roaring fire. The memories of the days before she had to start packing her things threatened to burst through the walls she carefully surrounded them with. 

She didn’t notice the changes that ripped through her body before it was too late to stop them. 

Blackened fingers gripped the edges of the armchair, digging the now elongated black nails into the soft material, ripping it in places. Her body, her bones felt way too sharp, too jagged on the edges, yet they didn’t cut through her skin. But her flesh showed it. Showed the unnatural but still eerily human shapes of her form now unfolding in the middle of Kinbott’s office. 

Her face burned as if she stuck it into a fireplace. Her eyes felt as if they were melting, dissolving inside their sockets. A sudden taste of blood startled her right before she felt and heard the needle-sharp teeth force their way out of her gums. It all hurt so much she wanted to scream. 

But as quickly as it started, it all went away. Leaving Valerye breathless with the remnants of screams stuck in her throat. It took her a second to gather herself, to realise what just happened. She looked around frantically and her eyes landed on the woman in front of her.

Dr Kinbott was leaning back in her chair, gripping the edges of her seat. A flash of fear showed on her features before she composed herself. But it was enough for Valerye to understand. She lost control yet again.

And she was scared of her.

“I– I will take that as a yes.” Her shaky voice made Val want to disappear right then and there. 

“I’m sorry, I– I didn’t mean to. I really didn’t mean to.”

“This is a safe space. You are allowed to be yourself here, Valerye. No matter how… How it is going to– to be.”

She felt dirty and disgusting. As if she let something vile out, something that was not supposed to see the light of the day in its full form. Not again. Never again.

She let that happen once before. And it was one time too many. 

“It just took me by surprise.”

It surprised her as well. It was almost as if history wanted to repeat itself.

“You are here to learn what causes it, how it works, and learn how to control it. And I am here to help you along the way.”

Valerye couldn’t bear to look the therapist in the eye. She didn’t want to see the fear in her face.

Dr Kinbott sighed and stood up, indicating that their time was up, making Val stand up as well. Her legs felt like jello.

“We will continue this next session. If you feel you need to see me sooner than next week, go see Ms Weems, she will set an appointment for you.”

“I see the topic is hard for you.” Dr Kinbott added when they were by the door. “And I understand that unpacking it is going to be a very rough experience. But remember, you are always welcome here to try.”

.***.

She was so lost in her thoughts she walked into a tall figure right outside, stepping on their toes in the process.

“Ouch! Oh, hi.” Xavier chuckled, grabbing her arms to steady her as she took a step back and lost her footing. 

The touch sent waves of warmth down her back. His face was hovering inches over hers. Making an absolute swarm of butterflies erupt in her stomach. He touched her many times and she never reacted this way to his presence before. Maybe it wasn’t that, maybe she was just hungry? He did smell a bit like coffee, underneath all the acrylic paint smell. He must’ve painted something right before he came here. She also caught a whiff of something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. But it smelled really nice. Maybe it was his shampoo? His hair looked really nice today, so. And his eyes, just like in her dream. She never paid any attention to how interesting the colour was. Wait. Why was she thinking about this now, out of all the moments? 

Why was she staring at him like a dumbass, blinking up at him without a single word? He smirked at her, clearly amused by her silence. His lips were seriously just as full as in her dream. She had to scramble for anything to say, so she wouldn’t just gawk at her friend like a dumbass but he beat her to it.

“See something you like?”

“Hi.” She almost jumped out of his reach. Her voice was so goddamn squeaky she felt heat creep up her neck. She busied herself with fixing her jacket, trying to hide her pink cheeks. “Ah, didn’t notice you there.”

“Well, I most certainly did notice you.” A slight scowl appeared on his face. She thought she saw a glint of sadness in there for a second, before he bit his cheek. “Especially when you almost walked all over me. You know, quite literally?”

“Have you thought about growing a little then, maybe? So that people would be able to see you better.” She quipped back, jabbing him in the stomach, making him smile. 

She liked it when he smiled.

“Oh look, the absolute giantess has spoken. How is the weather down there, big guy?” He stepped in front of her, straightening his back. A shit eating grin stretching his soft looking lips. “What? Can’t hear you from all the way down there, from the ground level.” 

He positively towered over her when he wasn’t slouching. And it sent electricity down her spine, right to her very core, startling her even more. It’s not like she has never seen him do that before.

She had to crane her neck to look him up in the face, pulling one at him, praying that he wouldn’t hear her frantic heartbeat. One move and it would be just like in her dream. Just one move, one pull of his denim jacket and he would be down to her level once again… 

“I’ve warmed up the seat for you.”

“Well, thank you for your kind act of service.” He snorted, tugging a lone strand of her hair behind her ear. But then he pulled his hand back so fast, as if she burned him, startling both of them.

“Got to go. Can’t be late again.”

She came back to her senses just as he was about to close the door behind him.

“I’m gonna be at Weathervane. And I, uh, would love you to join me. If you want to, of course.”

His gaze softened a little.

“Will meet you there. But, please, don’t make me sit there.”

“Won’t. Pinky promise.”

“A walk would be nice.” He added and grabbed the door handle again. He had really pretty hands. “I’ll text you when I’m off.”

What in the world was going on with her mind today?

.***.

Be there in a few.

If someone was to tell her she would get fidgety because of a simple text message just a few days ago, she would laugh at them. Yet, she was far from laughing now. 

However, it provided a great distraction. Although similar in being frustrating, it pulled her mind away from the memories she thought would stay buried in the past, even if it was for just a minute.

Every time the door opened, the ring of the bell made her jump. After what felt like a fifteenth time, she downed the cold coffee in one gulp and went to the cash register to get anything other than liquid. She couldn't stand just sitting there, waiting.

"That's on me."

She almost dropped the paper bag and cursed under her breath. She swore Xavier materialised out of thin air. Her heart must’ve done a full blown somersault with how hard it skipped.

"Feeling charitable?"

"A little." He gave her a small smile and Val couldn't help but stare at his lips again. "But I also owe you one. Shouldn't have any 'unfinished business' left, in Kinbott's words."

He turned to order. He didn't notice how her face fell. That was an odd choice of words on his part, she thought.

They got out of the café just as the morning crowd started to thicken.

The air nipped at her uncovered skin. She thanked whatever gods were out there in charge of the weather today. Her flushed face wouldn't look that suspicious now. 

They set off in the direction of the town’s square. A few stands were open there, with little trinkets and knick knacks so ridiculous they could not just simply walk away without trying at least half of them out. 

She didn’t want it to end. It was such a nice distraction from everything going on with her powers. Being with Xavier always brought her joy and today was no different. Even if with every laugh that escaped his lips, with every little scrunch of his eyes when he smiled down at her, with every small brush of his hand on her, the butterflies in her stomach were going feral. If this continued, she would down an entire stock of Thornhill's pesticides, she thought. She had trouble thinking straight when it happened.

But she couldn't help but reciprocate his tiny gestures. Feeding the stupid swarm more and more.

It was nearing midday when they were about to finish their lap around town. They were in a bit of a rush, tired and hungry, talking animatedly about a new addition at the Uriah’s Heap storefront, when Xavier stopped suddenly mid sentence. His features hardened. The paper cup he was still holding crinkled and crumpled in his shaky fist.

Valerye looked over his shoulders to see what got him so tense, only to see the mural - or what was left of it.

It was absolutely trashed. Large splatters of brown and black obstructed most of the painting, making it completely unrecognisable. Her eyes travelled down, only to stop at the bottom of the wall. The splashes looked suspiciously like dried blood that was half-heartedly scrubbed from the semi-dry surface. It ignited a bile like burning in her chest, the very same she felt that fateful day.

No one even thought of doing the job properly, as if they didn't care if the clear evidence was still out in the open. Right in the middle of the fucking town. Right outside the busy café. 

It was disgusting.

She reached for Xavier’s shoulder, only to have him flinch. His head snapped to her, almost as if he expected a blow to land there in place of her gentle touch. She could see his face; he could barely hide the sadness that settled itself in the creases of his forehead. His fingers absentmindedly went to rub his jaw. Right where she remembered the punches fell.

She weaved her fingers in between his, pulling his palm away from his face. Pulling him away from this place, trying to do the same with his thoughts. But he wouldn’t budge.

“Xavier, come…”

His eyes were glued to the wall.

"It– It's so– fucking fuck."

He hid his face in his hand, his breathing becoming more and more shallow, just as his shoulders started to shake.

Without a second thought, she pulled him into a tight hug. His arms flew around her waist in an instant, almost crushing her ribs. But Val didn't mind. Hearing the quiet sniffles in her ear, she felt her own eyes water. It was heartbreaking to see him like this again.

"I hate feeling like this." Xavier’s voice was so broken, so full of pain. "I hate feeling so helpless. So weak. I couldn't even stand up for a fucking painting. And I wanted to do a good job. A fucking good job. That's all I wanted."

"I know. I know, love. It's okay now. You did an amazing job." She said, stroking his head lightly. Desperate to calm him down. He pressed more into her, hiding his face in her hair.

She felt dampness on the side of her neck and her voice trembled with barely contained fury when she continued. 

"It is gonna get better. I know it is."

Regret filled her, that she didn't actually do those things the fuckers accused her of. Because if any of them would show up now, she would rip them apart. She wouldn’t care to truly show them her true colours this time. And she would reel in the fear it would bring them.

She pressed her mouth to his temple, placing a delicate, lingering kiss there. He leaned into it before freezing. Her stomach dropped. Did she take it too far now?

He pulled away, his hands still on her waist. He seemed to look for something in her face. Look for an answer to a question she didn’t know the words of. And her confusion seemed to sober Xavier up because he let go of her and stepped back in an instant. Trying to put as much distance between them, his expression turning unreadable, just as his voice. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. You have a bo– ah, nevermind. Look, there's the bus coming.”

“Xavier, what do you–?”

He didn't even look her in the eye now and she didn’t know what she did wrong. The place where his hands have been felt so cold.

"We should go back."

She wanted his arms back around her so bad. Because that is what friends want. Just to hold each other.

Just to be close.

Right?

[muskmelon-enjoyer-199x]

CW: trauma and teen titan shipping under the cut

kinda the deep lore here but there was a point in my life where shipping teen titans characters was intensely important to me

the terra season destroyed my 8 year old brain. Like, I had cutesy dreams about this stuff for YEARS. It was so important to me. It was serious business (although I now have to question my choice of Terra x Beast Boy). My ships were everything to me.

I wish I could still have dreams like that. I have scary sexual dreams a lot of the time. Sometimes I wake up screaming or I thrash around hard enough that I need to be forcibly woken up. The best sleep I have is when I'm using drugs or I'm physically exhausted, because then I don't dream.

It's hard to remember the last time I had a dream that didn't involve nonconsensual sex, violence, or people in my life betraying me. It's been that way for many years. It's the same situations over and over, but with different faces each time. Sometimes the situations seem true to my memory but faceswapped, and sometimes they seem more like their own self-contained stories that hit the same themes.

I guess my brain is replaying traumas, but I don't really remember all the details of things so well. A lot of my worst memories are from when I was on antipsychotics (for mood swings and "gender identity disorder"), and those years are very blurry. I can't remember a lot of my childhood clearly anymore at all, and I've read that can happen on those meds.

I don't usually talk about that much because people act weird. They say everyone feels that way or assume you mean like television-style amnesia. It's different, though. It's like a there is a dense fog and I can't always organize my thoughts. I can remember a lot of events, but the details are very hazy. I can see things happening in my mind's eye, but I can't see the faces. I often remember up to a point, and then it's an abrupt cutoff. I can't remember any more after those cutoffs. It's weird!

The last not-awful dream i can remember is this one where I could move my arms and legs like I was swimming in the air, except I could only go up or down. I had to pogo in different directions to get around. In some ways, I'm free. I can explore the Y axis with few limitations, but at the cost of having my other movements limited. If I stop swimming while exploring the sky, I start dropping fast. It's scary, and I have to be careful and try to break my fall. Eventually, I hit the ground hard and wake up in a cold sweat. It used to be a frequent recurring dream for me, but not lately.

I never really thought about the meaning of it too much, but it is interesting now that I type it out. That's kinda how being trans feels. I can explore my own gender how I please, but with outside limitations. I can swim and swim and be free as a woman, but it's exhausting to maintain and dangerous not to maintain.

When I was reallt sick, I never had dreams. My body was too weak and I was always on the verge of passing out. That was one of the things I liked about it, though. It destroyed my libido and made me stop having dreams.

It makes me kind of sad to say that I have starved and self-medicated and exhausted myself on purpose to kill my own dreams. I wish it wasn't that way. I'm just so tired of night terrors. It is so hard not sleeping through the night, especially when I keep finding myself screaming or writhing around fighting nothing or walking up drowning in sweat or covered in piss.

I think my last therapist was right and that I need PTSD treatment, but I don't want to go. I don't trust the psychiatrists. I don't want them to offer me any more pills. I don't want anyone to try to pressure me into letting them beam magnets through my skull again. I don't want to do EMDR exercises. What if they break me more?

Im watching teen titans again. I want to feel like the little girl I was in the 2000s, when I was just a little boy that played with girls and got called faggot a lot.

Im so angry they gave her antipsychotics. What the fuck? They say they were trying their best to help and that was just the way things were handled at the time, but it feels fake. They just want me to get over it on command or pretend to be normal and successful. I don't feel better when my problems are downplayed or blamed on me, though. I just feel worse every time it happens, and I fall off the "mostly-functioning adult" wagon for weeks at a time when it's my mom saying it (again).

Idk. I really want to be the girl I was before everything happened. I desperately want to be her again. I would do all kinds of crazy and illegal things just to be her again and have a chance to grow up on my own terms. I want to be that little girl so badly, but I don't know how to feel that way ever again

I feel like I never fully grew up fully, but I also feel like I grew up really fast at the same time

I feel so alone all the time. I tell people about these things and sometimes the only people who really relate are the really messy trans women that doomscroll on imageboards.

What does that say about me?

Should I go to treatment and just hope they don't make me any messier?

It's such a mess

Sloppy typing. Sorry.

[cafecourage]

The Tree of Legacy - Chapter 1

Prologue - Next Chapter

Throughout life there has always been a gentle breeze that followed me. It was always leading me forward towards discoveries. It would often lead me to adventure and into trouble with my parents. However, the forest seems to be like a second home. More often than not the forest hides secrets for me to find. History of a time long past the Calamity that plagued the land 500 years ago. There was so much to discover even with the limited time I was given there was no way I could do everything.

Which is why when I awaken in a black void deprived of most senses. I was more than just worried. The gentle wind that ran past me did nothing to calm my nerves, it was leading me to somewhere but my body couldn’t follow. Everything felt so heavy. Despite having gone through this process time and time again, this part always lasts the longest. But I learned to not fight the dream.

After a minute I was able to open my eyes. I was on the soft ground and surrounding me was a vast forest of teal bioluminescent plants and lighting bugs. A small green fairy came into view. Slowly I lifted my still heavy arm to have the fairy land on my hand.

This was new.

The wind picked up trying to pull me to my feet. I didn’t like this dream. But from experience, I begrudgingly knew I had to go through the motions if I wanted to wake up.

A sigh left my body as I stayed on the forest floor for a moment longer before finally getting up. The fairy flew around my body before nuzzling me. I awkwardly held my hand near it to return the hug. She let go of me so I could follow where the wind was pulling me along.

Soon the Sky-view temple slowly came into view among the foliage. I wasn’t sure how I knew of this temple's name and with how many times I’ve been here there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that's what it was called. The Skyview Temple, echoed the dream around it, it was a forest type theme dungeon not that hard but not too easy. Stepping up the quartz staircase the door was already open and the wind was welcoming me inside.

The temple itself only had one floor, but it makes up for it with the huge size of its rooms. The beginning was contested by a small network of gloomy passages where luminescent plants and fungi grew. And a lot of its internal structure was like the outside, broken apart and in ruins. The puzzles themselves were simple enough to figure out. Mostly because I had to go through this dream ever since I turned 10. This was the only dream I have even had.

‘But why does it seem like something was different?’

I looked next to me where the fairy was as I thought this. One change to a plot line can lead into the butterfly effect. That concept was the very foundation of the theory on why Hyrule’s history got mixed up before the Hero of Wilds. The fairy noticed me stare and chimes in confusion. I just smiled and continued forward focusing on the task at hand. This last room houses a large chasm I have to crossover by walking across vines. Taking a deep breath like always settling nerves. I stepped onto the vine.

Taking it one step at a time.

Taking caution to look forward and not down if I could help it.

Making sure I kept a level head.

I was so close. Almost to the end.

‘Chime~!’

A breath caught in my throat as I flinched and lost balance. I was so close.

Reaching out I dug my fingers into the stone. Pain shot through my fingers into my arm. The wind slowed me down. Looking up I didn’t manage to fall that far.

Maybe 12 inches. Probably more. Most likely a lot more.

Not so bad. A lie to calm my brain down.

This is fine. It was not.

Climbing up had me thanking the goddesses for not letting me fall all the way to the bottom.

When I got to the top I flopped over onto my back. Finally letting out a sigh. The fairy fluttered over and let out a sad twinkle as to say sorry. I just ignored it and focused on catching myself. Thoughts swirled inside my head none which I could actually understand despite the one thinking it.

Butterfly effect huh?

If this was the thing that will stay consent in this dream now, I wouldn’t be too mad. I could learn not to flinch so much.

But that wasn’t the end of the temple. No, there was still the last room.

And Him...

I didn’t want to see him again. But there was little I could do in this situation. It was ether go to him or risk him coming to me. The latter I fear more.

Getting up from the ground once more for this dream, I went to the last door crouch down and lift it open. Letting the fairy go first and having the door close shut behind me.

The sound of the rushing waterfalls greeted me as I walked into the open-air room. Despite it being a spring there were trees growing in the deep dark waters. Pillars lined the walk away that ended a few feet away from the giant goddess statue towards the back which was framed in the middle of two grand waterfalls. In front of the statue was a man with his back turns towards me. A man that I have always seen in my dreams. I didn’t know his name, but he was blond and dressed in a green tunic, cream pants, brown boots, as well as a red scarf and golden shoulder armor. He had an authoritative aura to him. I couldn’t ever hear what he had to say to me but his posture and spirit alone put me on edge.

I paused mid step halfway on the path.

He wasn’t alone.

Why wasn’t he alone?

I look around. On each side of the man, facing me hovering above the spring, were nine other people, each with similar features. Yet, unique enough to tell them apart.

I knew these people. I had seen them before, in the corner of my eyes growing up. How are they here?

They’ve watched me grow as a person. Confusion always coming across their faces as they watched me coward away from them. They were supposed to be hallucinations.

Dreams from my teenage years never had them in it, only the man in the red scarf. Panic started to rise in my chest.

I didn’t know how, but I knew them. I somehow knew them more deeply than I can comprehend. Why they are here in front of me.

The wind hit me with so much force that I finally stumbled forward to the edge of the platform. For once the wind was pushing me towards something I did not want.

Questions of why, and how weren’t coming out.

Words failing.

I couldn’t breathe.

I wanted to wake up.

I can’t do this.

The man with the red scarf finally turned around. The platform beneath me was beginning to crumble causing me to lose my footing. His blue eyes piercing into my soul as I finally fell head first into the watery depths.

Darkness engulfing my vision.

Then I hear it.

A booming voice.

A voice that demands attention, authority, respect finally broke through to me after 15 years.

“So, you’ve finally decided to connect with my spirit?”

Link hits the wood floor gasping for air. That was not the start he wanted for today, but it was what he got. A special type of dread started to stir in his gut. Call it a sixth sense or just straight anxiety he wouldn’t really know. Link stayed on the floor of his bedroom fully aware that something will go wrong that day.

The man’s words echoed in Links ears.

Who was he? What spirit was Link supposed to be connecting with? Its not like he wasn’t already forced to see 11 other separate ghosts that he now realized weren’t hallucinations. He wasn’t the goddess chosen hero if that was what that one was implying. That person was already found. There weren’t any other people that had connecting spirits ether. Unless this was a new thing that Link didn't come across yet.

His head started to hurt.

He doesn’t really want to push his luck with Hylia today.

Deciding to stay on the floor for a few more minutes, Link tries to ground himself back in reality. He feels the sun on his face, it must have been warm out today. The dark oak floor was starting to warm up the room. The soft chatters of the morning started to rise in volume helping drown out the dread. Link started to make a mental list in his head of everything he had to do that day. There wasn’t necessarily much to do, however the two things he had on his plate this day were really big things.

One was his normal lecture that was starting in an hour and a half, it was a History of Hyrule’s Heroes coarse. In reality Link let’s his students have full control of the class and what they want to learn. Then almost immediately after he finishes up, he needs to meet Zelda at castle towns train station and head to the Serenne Station in the Tabantha Frontier to go take photos of the Forgotten Temple. There was something that was bothering Zelda about the old ruins and since Claus was out not coming back until later that night. So, the only other crazy person to go with her was Link.

With one last sigh. Link gets up from the floor and stretch’s his now sore back and neck. It was time to start the day.

It wasn’t that much of a walk to get to the Academy. Castle Town in itself wasn’t that big but it was still a bustling city, it was the main capital of Hyrule after all. Travelers and adventures alike come here for its history and legends while there are debates on which legends where real and which were made up is still up in the air.

One thing is certain.

When Hyrule is threaten a hero will rise up and defend the kingdom. The most recent Hero was 500 years ago. The Hero of the Wild sealed away the calamity known as Ganon away finally with his princess Zelda.

[dungeonbf]

hide, midnight, nightmare for sigge?:33

HIIII J squeezes you into slime, thank u for the ask!!!

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

oh man, rubs hands together... sigge, on a more lighthearted note, is sooo embarrassed about liking well-known, popular metal (megadeth, metallica, pantera, to name a few) and will go to extreme lengths to hide said interest for them. any mainstream merch he has is hidden deep in the recesses of his closet 💔 this is all because he spends 15 hours a day on metal circlejerk subreddits that inflame his belief that anything popular is Bad + his elitist tendencies... if he's wearing a megadeth shirt around you, it's a sign of incredibly deep trust, like he takes his elitism dead seriously. besides more surface-level stuff, his sexuality is also something he hides - not only from others, but himself as well. this is in part due to a pretty conservative upbringing, his parents being adamant that he find a nice girl and settle down, but also that he views his sexuality as emasculating - it's something he thinks he shouldn't be burdened with. i think in the first couple months we're together, he's very stiff and distant, because you know, "oh fuck. i'm with a man." ... eventually, though, he learns to come to terms with himself -- i don't think he'd ever be super like, vocal about his sexuality, even post-coming out. not in a repressed way any longer, but more like content & quiet acceptance. "yes, i am gay, yes i have a boyfriend, but that's not really anyone's business" is like his stance on it... 🤔🤔

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

i think he struggles to sleep in general, not necessarily to the point of insomnia but a lot of tossing and turning - a lot of time trying to fall asleep is spent ruminating on past encounters with people. i've said this before but he is ... incredibly arrogant and not very self-aware, so he stays up pondering why exactly people turn away from him :( sad little guy. along that same vein, he's afraid of loss - he can recognize that others aren't drawn to him (for whatever reason 🙄🙄) and thus, he's incredibly scared of losing the people he DOES have. makes him genuinely nauseous thinking about it and leads to a lot of sleepless nights. usually, his routine for combatting this fear is blowing up my phone with messages, ranging in levels of neediness, before eventually calling me enough times that i wake up and we chat for a bit, soothing his fear enough to sleep. (a more mundane fear of sigge's are spiders)

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

a lot of sigge's fears focus on, as I mentioned before, loss -- getting betrayed, abandonment, and similar themes definitely play a part in his nightmares. Alongside that, I think death, too, is a common experience in his nightmares -- not necessarily his own, but more like, finding the bodies of his loved ones and being unable to do anything to reverse it. While none of it is based in truth, it leaves him pretty shaken, covered in cold sweat. He mayyy divulge the details of whatever nightmare to my s/i, but it's brief and more of a mumbled groan. Usually, I think he'd be more comfortable just vaguely complaining about having "shitty dreams" and nesting against my s/i to help him fall back asleep. If sleeping against me isn't an option, he kinda gets up, paces around, and tries to write song lyrics inspired by his dreams. (Think "Deathcrush" by Mayhem type lyrics.)

[almond-lebkuchen]

Shakespeare's 5th Birthday Story

I'm so sorry for the delay folks T.T my laptop broke and I lost everything, rip. But here it is, finally for all you enjoyers. This is from Will's POV

My absolute beliefs- that is, my reality, was that my experiences were the food that helped create a story.

And that the more tragic an experience is, the better the story.

The intensity of emotions produced by a tragedy allows me to write a one of a kind play.

And that's why I searched for tragic experiences, staining my hands with evil deeds.

(....If I can't write an interesting play, I'm worthless)

...Will, Will.

MC: "Will?"

I woke up to the familiar sight of my ceiling, and to MC looking at me with worried eyes.

(Ahh...What happened before was....a dream)

MC: "Sorry for waking you up, but I was worried about you."

Shakespeare: "No it's alright, did I disturb your sleep?"

(It's in extremely poor taste to dream of one's past self)

However, I had a clue as to why I had such a bad dream

And that was...

MC: "Will, there has to be something on your mind."

(She's pretty sharp)

Shakespeare: "What makes you think so?"

MC: "You've been crying out in your sleep a lot, and..."

Shakespeare: "And?"

MC: "And lately you haven't been very mean to me."

Shakespeare: "Oh, does that mean you can't help but want to be teased?"

At my words, her eyes opened wide, her cheeks brightly colored.

Shakespeare: "Did I hit the mark? I suppose it can't be helped."

Before she could reply, I leaned over and scooped her chin up.

MC: "Please don't try to change the subject! I was always worried about you...."

Through her trembling eyes, the feeling of my lover's worry was brimming over.

(...It wasn't my intention to cause such a look on her face)

MC waits patiently for me to confide in her, and tell her about my worries.

Shakespeare: "Actually....for my next performance, I've been entrusted with writing and directing a play at the Grand Theater."

Shakespeare: "The patron requested that I use "tragedy" as the theme."

MC: "Tragedy..."

"Yes" I quietly replied to MC, who had reacted at the word.

It was just like I had dreamed of, before I met her, desperately clinging to sadness in order to cover up my own weakness.

(Pursuing a tragedy, without worrying about hurting others)

Shakespeare: "Fufu, don't make such a worried expression."

Shakespeare: "I won't hurt others, nor will I lose myself to tragedy ever again."

(You're the one who taught me that no matter how much I cling to something, I can still create wonderful plays)

"Will..." With a sigh of relief, her lips curled up into a gentle arc.

Shakespeare: "I believe that I'll be fine. However..."

Shakespeare: "I just can't seem to avoid flickers of my past self."

Maybe it's because of the gentle morning air, and the warmth of MC next to me that caused me to spill out my true feelings.

(Confiding in her about these things would only trouble her)

Shakespeare: "Please forget about what happened now."

MC: "I heard that people don't really change who they are".

This time, on the contrary, she began to speak.

MC: "At the time I thought it was true."

MC: "But the person I am today exists because of who I was in the past."

(That's true. The sins of the past continue to repeat, just as my present self exists)

As she continues to speak, I felt a lead-like weight on my chest.

MC: "But...I fell in love with you, and I thought, people's nature doesn't change, however they can strive for changing for the better.

MC: "But it's okay Will, because you have a talent for working hard, more than anyone else."

MC's shining eyes brought back memories of that day when I first shared my feelings with her.

Flashback

MC: "Will, you might not think that you're talented, but you're the one who created the mask of "William Shakespeare."

MC: "It's undeniably your talent."

Shakespeare: "Where is it....what talent do you see in me, who hides and makes such disgraceful efforts?"

MC: "Working hard and not giving up is also a talent."

Illuminated by her words, the path I should take emerged like a spotlight.

(The talent to strive for change...Ahh...she really is...)

Shakespeare: "Work hard this, work hard that. When you talk about working hard, you make it sound like I have no natural talent."

MC: "! No, that's not what I mean!"

I let out a laugh, and embraced my beloved, who flusteredly denied it.

Then I placed my forehead against her's so that I would be reflected in her eyes.

Shakespeare: "Thank you so very much MC. Your words resounded well. And..."

Shakespeare: "If I were to fall into darkness again, you would desperately try to stop me, right?"

Shakespeare: "Even if I were to lose my way again after struggling to change, if you're here, I'm positive I won't make the same mistakes."

MC: "Yes!"

Her happy smile cleared up the anxiety in my heart, because I have MC, who believes in me.

Confining myself in my room, I faced the numerous manuscripts lined up on my desk.

(Now, shall I spin the best drama?)

The days of the past and the true love I learned when I met her...Let's put everything I have on this brush.

(I am William Shakespeare, born again to this world.)

After finishing writing the play and spending day after day rehearsing, time flies by until it was finally the day of the opening of the stage.

(...No matter how many times I experience this, the first day is always unsettling)

The crowded audience, the glittering spotlights, and the actors with a mixture of nervousness and anticipation on their faces.

I'm prepared, now it all depends on if my play will be able to move people's hearts. And so the curtain rises on the stage.

By the time the curtain call came, the audience was filled with roaring cheers.

And so the first day ended without incident, and the audience left with many exuberant compliments.

Eventually the troupe members followed suit, leaving for home to prepare for tomorrow.

After finishing my work as a director, and once I confirmed everyone left, I stepped off the stage into the stage wing.

MC: "Will!"

The sudden appearance of MC softened the quiet atmosphere of the stage eased the tension from my shoulders.

Shakespeare: "MC, were you waiting for me? Even though I told you that you could go home first."

That's what I said, but they smiled at me with sparkling eyes.

MC: "Actually, I have something to give you, so I waited."

MC: “Happy Birthday Will!"

With a big smile on her face, she brings out a large bouquet of multi-coloured flowers that was hidden behind her back.

Captivated by her smile, as beautiful as the flowers, I gradually grasped the situation.

Shakespeare: "My birthday?...I completely forgot."

MC: "Fufu, I thought so. But I thought it would be a chance to surprise you, so I kept quiet!"

MC: "How can Will, who is so careful about everything, forget his own birthday?"

MC: "As I thought, you're hopeless if I'm not by your side."

Seeing her with such a satisfied smile, I couldn't help but want to tease her.

(I usually tell you not to get carried away...)

The feeling of relief that the play was a success, and the joy that MC was celebrating like this.

It's slowly welling up inside me. So let's be honest, just for today.

Shakespeare: "Yes, you're right, I really can't live without you."

MC: "...!"

It was an unexpected reaction, she stared at me with wide eyes.

Shakespeare: "Oh my, you're upset that I admitted it even though you said it yourself? ....You're a restless person."

Having shared my sincere feelings with her, I reached out my hand and pulled close to kiss her neck.

Her body turns red and heats up as she reacts with a startle.

MC: "Will, what are you doing all of a sudden?"

Disregarding her protests, I disheveled her clothes and pressed my lips to her exposed skin again.

Shakespeare: "It's not all of a sudden. I haven't been able to take care of you lately, and I've been desperately deficient of you"

Shakespeare: "Besides, don't tell me that the bouquet was the only present."

MC: "Hah, mhmm."

With a grin I pulled up the hem of her skirt and caressed her thighs, causing her to react with a startle.

Enjoying her appearance, I put my face next to her ear, and whispered with a sigh.

"When I touch you for the first time in a long while, I wonder what kind of voice you'll make."

Her eyes turn away in embarrassment as I spread out my jacket and laid her body on top of it.

MC: "H-here?"

Shakespeare: "Don't worry. This place is already a stage just for the two of us."

Shakespeare: "There's no one here to disturb us...Therefore."

Shakespeare: "Please allow me to hear your voice unrestrained."

However instead she covered her mouth with her hand, turning away as I slip my fingers though the gap in her disheveled clothes.

(I guess you can call this resistance)

Shakespeare: "Fufu, that's also fun. In fact, it's rather arousing."

MC: "...Mmmm, ahh! Stop... Mmm."

Before long MC's bewitching voice leaks out, rising in pitch involuntary.

Shakespeare: "Haha, I'm more than happy to recieve this reward from you. Besides, allow me to give you my thanks as well."

MC: "What, that's just an excuse..."

As I try to calm by body while embracing her, I feel the heat I've been waiting for spreading throughout my body.

MC: "Ahh, nnnn, mmm, Will..."

When I gently parted back her hair with the joy of finally being able to be with her, her eyes met mine

(Ahhh... Why are you so adorable?)

My love welling up, I sought out MC and pressed my lips deeply against hers.

(Only MC can cause my heart to fill up like this). I'll lock you up in my heart like this so you can't ever leave me)

In the space dominated by silence, only two voices continue to echo. A love story wrapped in happiness, the exact opposite of the performance, was spun quietly offstage.

MC and I gaze at each other as we lie on the floor, the sweet afterglow of the moment surrounding my body. And then I gently stroked her soft, flowing hair.

(I just could laugh from happiness)

(But I know that life isn't always filled with happiness. There may be times in the future when you'll be struck with a sorrow that will make you want to cover your eyes)

(Things may happen that will cause you to lose faith in yourself. But each time, I think I'll make an effort to be better, again and again.)

MC: "What were you thinking just now? Somehow, you looked really tender."

(Really, it was a good idea for her to try to see through me. But it's no fun when I'm not in control. Besides, I don't want anyone to see my soft expression)

I sat up and reached for the bouquet of flowers, slowly undoing the ribbon. Then I covered MC's eyes with it.

MC: "Ah, wait Will!"

Looking down at her, I spoke softly.

Shakespeare: "Shh, be quiet. I'm only going to say this once, so please listen carefully."

I placed my hand in the palm of her defenseless hand, dropping a kiss that just barely touched her lips.

Shakespeare: "Being with you has changed me."

Shakespeare: "And from now on, I'll continue to change by your side. And somehow that makes me feel... incredibly happy."

As I look at the blindfolded MC, I'm sure my expression has softened.

Shakespeare: "MC. Thank you for meeting me, falling in love with me, and for staying next to me without changing."

Her eyes were wet with tears when I removed the ribbon.

Shakespeare: "Fufu, ahaha! Smiling, then crying, you really are a restless person to keep up with."

MC: "That's because..."

I wipe away MC's tears that are about to spill over with my lips.

(I definitely received your feelings)

And so I put my own love on her lips that were wet from her sentiment, and we started kissing each other over and over again...

This was definitely one of the harder ones to translate, I have no idea why I struggled especially with this one. On another note, I'm just fixed on the fact that they're relaxing??? On the floor??? Hard wood ow.

[skaruresonic]

Wood and I watched an LP of OMORI a couple of weeks ago and the entire experience left me feeling cold because I've literally seen everything it tries to do done in other games, oftentimes better. If you've played or watched an LP of Yume Nikki, trust me, you're not seeing anything new. At no point was I frightened or moved. In fact, it had maybe one (1) semi-original idea. Beyond that, it was just stereotypical RPG Maker fare. Also, it's one of those games people hype up because OMG Feels, but when you really start scrutinizing the plot and characterization, it falls apart. For example: the game really wants us to sympathize with Aubrey, a girl who canonically decided to bully her former friend based on nothing more than her wrong assumptions, because she Has a Rough Home Life (a sentiment that borders on victim-blaming; also conveniently neglects the fact that her victim has an equally rough home life) and Has a Sad about the death of her other friend. This ignores how A.) everyone is impacted by her friend's death, not just her, B.) does assuming your former friend is a creep warrant verbal abuse and physical harassment that you then rope other people into flinging at him for four years? Why are you crying about being a bully when, by your own admission, you are one? The manner in which Mari's death occurred and the actions the characters took thereafter is loaded with so many unfortunate implications that it almost makes the game's entire premise seem disingenuous. The game wants to frame itself like SH2 for Tots. To wit, Sunny feels guilty over causing his sister's death, but that guilt is largely undeserved because his depression is simply bullying him into thinking he's unlovable uwu. Well, that's not precisely true. Not if you look at the situation objectively. His guilt is largely earned for covering up her death and framing it as a suicide, and letting his friends, family, and community suffer the pain of believing his sister's death was a suicide for four years. OMORI wants to be a narrative about the redemptive power of forgiveness in a situation where forgiveness would absolutely not be guaranteed or even expected. Yes, the death was accidental, but the framing it as a suicide and keeping silent were deliberate acts which, whether Sunny wants to admit it or not, did cause harm. This isn't a situation where our buddies Depression(tm) and Anxiety(tm) are exaggerating one's guilt over imaginary crimes into suicidal ideation, he's suicidal because he wants to escape the very real guilt HE SHOULD FEEL over the wrong HE DID COMMIT.

This isn't even getting into the fact that OMORI dangerously trivializes suicide. In order to wake up from White Space and thus progress, you need to force Sunny to stab himself in the gut with a knife. You are forced to do this at least three times in the game. Because making suicide a game mechanic a la fucking Mario warp pipes in no way trivializes it. :) There's an RPG Maker game, Blank Dream, which deals with very similar subject matter. The protagonist wakes up in limbo after having attempted suicide. The objective is to hop inside her memories, represented by mirrors, and commit suicide in each of them, or break the mirrors, in order to fulfill her wish of never having been born. At some point, you obtain a knife. Stabbing yourself is a free action that can be performed at any time in the game after acquiring the item. The player is equally free to choose NOT to do it as they are to indulge their curiosity, thus bolstering the game's theme that even though suicide may be an option, it is not the option. Choosing to stab yourself results in a Game Over. As it should. Somehow OMORI didn't quite get the message.

on a somewhat more morbidly hilarious note, I laughed my head off when I learned that Basil had hanged Mari with a jump rope. oh the bathos

[roukabi]

if you're still into hadestown id love to hear more details of act II in your broadway x nytw au :)

OHHH ANON DEAREST....... YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY INFODUMP CARD!

ok ok first of all i am so sorry for my incessant videnoirposting, rest assured i am still very very into hadestown and I Will become normal again! and i have a backlog of ht-related art to finish lol.

Second.... BOY OH BOY DO I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY NYTW x BWAY AU!

(for the uninitiated: for the longest time i've had this nytw x broadway au, called the “Old Song” au, in which nytw orpheus becomes a very sad ghost and haunts the present (broadway) orpheus. Meanwhile, nytw Eurydice and bway Eurydice find each other in Hadestown and try to help each other 'survive'. I’d recommend reading the first part, otherwise the rest of this post won’t make much sense. I'll drop the link in a rb.)

(And I'm putting this under a readmore, because this is gonna get long.)

Now there are a few things I forgot to mention in that post, one of them being what this whole AU is actually about. Greek tragedy says that, despite what we (the audience) desire and what we understand, the characters will still fail. And that's alright. Life goes on, sometimes for the better. It's awful, but it's not the end.

In this AU, we're past having the characters try and fail. And y’know, it wasn't the end for them, either! Their failures mattered then, and they will now! Orpheus and Eurydice's futures will still go on whether they want them to or not!

But... because they are worlds apart, with (seemingly) no other way of reuniting and having the happy ending they desired... does that leave any hope for either of them?

This leads me to another theme of Hadestown, and the one I'm focusing on in this AU: despite everything, there will always be hope. It might take a while to see it, but it's always gonna be there. And how this AU is gonna work out is that we'll see this hope manifest in some characters (bway Orpheus, nytw Eurydice), how the lack of hope manifests in others (nytw Orpheus, bway Eurydice), and how all of that is subject to change as the characters grow. Somehow, though, they'll all have to cling onto that hope - that struggling dream of a better future - if they want to finally build a better life.

uh

ok

um

enough cringe talk about themes let's get some found family in this house

Soo.... Act II! I'm gonna start a bit ahead, where the first post left off: the Orphei are traversing the underground, and nytw Eurydice is giving bway Eurydice refuge.

Anyway, where we last left off, the Orphei have made it to the underworld! bway Orpheus kind of broke the Wall, which nytw Orph (nicknamed Ghost in this AU to make things easier, and to let nytw Orph distance himself from his past life) takes as good sign. If he can get past the wall like that by singin' a little tune, then the rest of the journey will be a cinch!

...It was not, in fact, a cinch.

Everything in Hadestown is Really loud, Really bright, and Really unfriendly to trespassers. Bway Orpheus gets overwhelmed very quickly and nytw Orph gets frustrated - he knows this place already, and also knows that strolling in during daytime hours is a one-way ticket to death (see Hermes's advice in Wait for Me).

They end up hiding in some abandoned worker cabin for the rest of the day, a rather unproductive start to their journey.

It's not helping matters that the Orphei had quite the argument back during Chant - nytw Orpheus got after bway Orpheus for not helping Eurydice, and it got to the point where he deliberately tried to break bway Orpheus's optimism so that he'd "wake up" and "finally try to be useful"... yes he was projecting, no it was not fun, yes it is still eating at him, and Yes, their relationship is... pretty strained right now. As if bway Orpheus's self-esteem wasn't already garbage.

This isn't the case for the Eurydices though! They're chilling in the house nytw Eurydice borrowed from Persephone + are escaping work quotas. The bad news is that they're content with sharing a name, which is kind of frustrating to try and write. Oh well!

Anyway, bway Eurydice finds it nice to have someone who actually understands her. Not that Orpheus wasn't understanding, he really, really, was, but he just didn't see the world the way she did. And nytw Eurydice can talk to someone who hasn't lost their head to the mines + machines! So yeah they hit it off real fast.

Eventually, though, bway Eurydice asks how the other managed to get stuck in Hadestown for so long. Nytw Eurydice stiffens. Frowns a bit. She stares at the floor for a beat or two before telling her that she doesn't know. Forgot.

She does know. She knows that it could probably happen to bway Eurydice, too, given all their similarities. But she's not going to be the one to break this new girl's spirit.

It's a vow that nytw Eurydice makes around the same time nytw Orpheus does, too. bway Orpheus isn't sleeping, and whether it's the noise outside the cabin walls, or the sneering voices in his head, nytw Orph doesn't really want to know.

That poor kid. He'd been nothing but kind to nytw Orpheus, trying to make his (after)life more bearable, a little more colorful - and nytw Orpheus had the gall to tear him down. He wouldn't have dared to hurt him if he were his old self.

It's just that bway Orpheus doesn't know how the world really is. Hadestown was cruel, and its brainwashed people wouldn't stop at hunting him down. Hades wouldn't let Eurydice go - not without an impossible price to pay. Nytw Orpheus didn't want to crush his successor's hopes by telling him all that.

And yet, he kind of... did.

Damn it.

He’s got to be better toward that boy. For both their sakes. 

The nytw duo realizes that, despite what happened to them before, they can’t let it interfere with the future of the bway duo. There’s still a chance for things to turn out, and after all, they aren’t the ones with something to lose.

However, not everyone in this story has this mindset. There’s still one more thing I really forgot to mention in the last post...

Because of her appearance in both NYTW and Broadway Hadestown, Jessie Shelton’s fate, Clotho, is here to add even more conflict! What about her sisters? uhhhhhhhh don’t worry about it lol they’re fine. She’s with the bway Lachesis and Atropos, but this is likely to change.

Clotho’s not pleased with the trajectory of this story. It was her job to keep it from changing, and now her #1 enemies are coming around to throw wrenches in her plans? Well. If she’s going to clean up the messes they’re making, she might as well have fun with it.

Clotho ends up terrorizing all four heroes, but really the bway duo, and mostly bway Orpheus because in the end, it's his actions that will determine the outcome of the story. The nytw duo is Very Much Not Happy with Clotho’s existence and they get very protective of their counterparts whenever she shows up. 

bway Orph tries really hard to guard nytw Orph from her, knowing their history and all. It doesn’t really work, but he tries!

(Clotho does, at one point, threaten to kill bway Orph if the Orphei continue their journey. Remember this.)

The Eurydices learn more about each other the more questions bway Eurydice asks - Do you think your Orpheus is looking for you? Is he down here? Will everyone forget about me, too? Different words, all asking the same thing: Is there a chance for me to get out of here?

bway Eurydice tries not to show it, but she’s scared. She has no idea what she’s gotten herself into, and she’s desperate for a ray of hope.

Nytw Eurydice tries her best to reassure her, but sometimes she just can’t answer. 

bway Eurydice does ask if the other workers could break free of Hadestown’s brainwashing. Nytw Eurydice thinks it’s possible.

Meanwhile, the Orphei have taken to sleeping during the day and moving at night - to keep from getting caught. bway Orpheus isn’t handling this well, nor is he handling the constant overstimulation, the paranoia of being an ‘outlaw’, all the pain and horrors inflicted on Hadestown’s people, Clotho being Clotho, etc., and one night he just... breaks down. He never thought the world could be this cruel.

Luckily for him, though, a certain someone who understands exactly what he’s going through sits down with him. Lets him vent. Gives him a hug.

Nytw Orpheus finally apologizes to the boy for his distance, and convinces him that not everything is awful; they have each other, and the very reason Nytw Orpheus is down with him is that he cares about bway Orph and wants to protect him. 

It’s here that bway Orpheus starts to smile again.

From that night on, things are a little better. Sure, all the terrible things  mentioned 4 bullet points ago still exist, but now the Orphei are joking between one another, collaborating on songs, and climbing the petrified trees scattering Hadestown’s landscape.

And for the Eurydices, life-after-death is getting... almost bearable?! Nytw Eurydice made the other a notebook of all her surface memories, just in case, and it’s not like either of them stopped singing. They’ll go out and check if one of their Orphei is out there. Sometimes they’ll just talk for hours about whatever the Memory of the Day is.

For the first time in decades, there's a sound so sweet and clear against the echoes of steel on stone: laughter is heard in the realm of Hades.

A month or two pass, and neither party has found the other. It’s around this time when the bway duo wonders about their companion’s past. 

It’s a topic that sickens the nytw duo, but they figure it’s time to talk about what happened. Time to show where all these mental - and in some cases, physical - scars came from.

After nytw Orpheus turned, Eurydice was almost immediately offered sanctuary by Persephone, who took pity on her. Eurydice took it, as long as she didn’t have to see Hades ever again.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t upset with Orpheus. She was actually pretty bitter about him for months, before she came to terms with how powerless they both were in that situation.

However, time wore on, and the mini-revolution Eurydice + Orpheus created fell further into obscurity. Less workers remembered what happened that fateful night. And then, to Eurydice’s dread, not even the gods knew who she was anymore. Afraid of losing herself, Eurydice hid by herself most of the time, alone with her memories in the old goddess’s house. At least without Hades knowing her, she couldn’t be tracked.

For Orpheus... well, he definitely didn’t receive a hero’s welcome upon returning to the surface. Wholly blamed for the loss of his wife, Orpheus, too, hid himself from the public. His relationship with Hermes soured as he pressured the poet to move on. It wasn’t just a shift in the people, either - in the rare times when Orpheus played music, his songs were so sorrowful that nature herself turned gray, and wept. Believing the change in Orpheus to be a curse, the townspeople banished him. Not that Orpheus had any time to grieve - he had brought upon himself the fury of the Maenads, whose courtship he refused. They slaughtered him by the river and threw his bones into the current. (Hermes found them, but never told Eurydice.) Orpheus woke up as a ghost, stuck on the surface with his guitar. No longer could he be seen, heard, or touched by mortals. Not that they’d want to find him, anyway, Orpheus thinks.

All four members of this Songbird Quartet are in tears by the time the tales are told.

It’s also worth mentioning that both nytw Orpheus and Eurydice conveniently left out the part where Orpheus turns. 

It’s also also worth mentioning that nytw Orpheus takes off his red jacket for the first time since death, letting bway Orph see the extent of the Maenad’s brutality.

The strangest thing happened to the nytw duo, though: things started getting much better for them once the bway duo came into their lives. Orpheus is finding his hope again and Eurydice has found meaning in her afterlife. Through the tragedy, something good did happen.

(... uh, little side note: I really hope y’all are catching on that the relationships between Orphei and Eurydices... are platonic in a brother/sister sense. I mean, I can’t stop you from shipping them, i guess, but romance isn’t what I’m aiming for... that’s all.)

A n y w a y , what ho! After months of searching, bway Orpheus gets the biggest smile on his face upon seeing his beloved Eurydice creeping through metal stacks surrounding Hades’s mansion (it’s work hours). The Orphei agree to split up for a bit: bway Orpheus reunites with Eurydice, while nytw Orph makes a quick last look for his own lover.

He travels a little far, and then farther, getting increasingly desperate. Where is she? Was he never meant to find her? Is she on the other side of Hadestown? Where is she now?

Panic and heartache spark in his chest and he starts to call her name into the expanse.

“...Orpheus?”

The voice is from behind. Orpheus won’t dare turn around. Not again.

She knows this. She knows his posture, too, and the shape of his hands - which are shaking. She comes up to his side and takes one before facing him. Tears are already spilling over his cheeks.

“It’s you.”

Tears threaten to spill on Eurydice’s cheeks, too.

“It’s me.”

yayyyy they’re together again! it’s really sappy and they keep apologizing to each other for everything. It’s a little sad when Eurydice puts a hand on Orpheus’s scarred face but that’s neither here nor there.

But woe! the happy reunion is cut short when a loud, booming voice shakes the songbirds’ cores:

“Young man!”

Eeeheeeheheeehee

the nytw duo, realizing that their sibling is now in Huge Danger, rush to Hades’s mansion. There stand a stricken bway Orpheus, a dreading bway Eurydice, Persephone, Hades, Hermes, workers... and the Fates.

There’s a moment of “woah everyone’s here” as the Songbird Quartet recognizes one another.

Hades and Persephone don’t recognize nytw Orph, which is great for some reasons and terrible for others.

Hades tells bway Orph that Eurydice can’t go back - she signed the deal, and sold her soul. Orpheus, horrified, looks at her, and Hades... and nytw Orph, who was too afraid to tell him. 

Nytw Eurydice, on the other hand, stares down Clotho with a ‘what the fuck do you want’ look. Clotho just smiles.

Hey, so, remember when I told you that Clotho threatened to kill bway Orpheus if they kept looking for Eurydice? Well.........

Hades calls upon the workers to drive bway Orpheus out. Unfortunately, though, Clotho has also given them the order to kill. Her word isn’t questioned: If Fate wishes it, then it shall be so, after all.

Clotho + her sisters nab bway Eurydice. Two workers restrain nytw Orpheus, who, while not knowing what exactly will happen to bway Orph, can deduct from Clotho’s threat that it won’t be good, and begs Hades to spare the boy. Nytw Eurydice, still wearing worker clothes and remaining undetected, sneaks out of the fuss and creeps behind the mansion (if we are thinking of the stage setup, where everyone is kind of in a circle, the nytw duo are on the opposite side from where the Fates + bway Eurydice are).

Workers circle bway Orpheus, and he gives nytw Orpheus one last terrified look before the first strike lands.

Now, we all know nytw Orpheus as a guy who’d have no problem throwing hands during Papers. Except this Orpheus has been ruined by his past, and freezes up when he sees the mob attack bway Orpheus. There are screams in his ears that aren’t there, the smell of metal, blood and wine, and a thousand terrible scenes in his head. It’s too much for him to watch.

...But the very reason nytw Orpheus is down here is because he cares about his newfound brother and wants to protect him. It was the one thing he promised to do.

So god damn, what was he doing?

Something snaps in him and he tries once again to wrestle his arms away from the workers holding him back. They don’t budge - nytw Orpheus’s strength is his words, not his muscles.

But then a low thud sounds against nytw Orpheus’s ears, and the hold goes loose. 

“Go!” cries nytw Eurydice, wielding a shovel and slamming its head against the other worker’s. “I’ll get Eurydice!”

nytw Orpheus gives a quick nod of thanks to his lover before rushing up to bway Orpheus, grabbing a pickaxe on the way.

Bway Orpheus has tried to flee the pack, but they keep catching him and throwing him down. He’s exhausted, he’s injured, and they aren’t letting up. One of the workers - the largest one in the mob - raises a pick. Orpheus can’t get himself off the ground.

Then there’s a flash of red, a scream, a metallic smell.

bway Orpheus dares to open his eyes and sees that the mob has stopped, paralyzed with shock. The worker who held the pick now clutched his arm instead, pressing against a long, gruesome tear in the skin.

And standing in front of him, a pickaxe in his hands and a wild, cold glare that’s stark against his bloodied face - is Orpheus’s brother.

A couple steps behind the mob are the Eurydices, and one of them still has her shovel. Nytw Orpheus shouts at the workers, telling them to back off (in a much ruder way). The workers, seeing the outcome of fighting these three, retreat.

Nytw Orpheus, chest heaving, drops the pickaxe and carefully steps over bway Orpheus so that he is behind the latter. He gently scoops the boy into his arms. He’s blacked out, but he’s still got a pulse, thank the gods.

Now, while nytw Eurydice did do what she said she would (free Eurydice), that doesn’t mean she got rid of the fates. And of course, Clotho appears.

Nytw Eurydice somehow keeps enough composure to not beat the shit out of her with a rusty shovel. She gives Clotho enough time for her to say that while, yes, the initial murder plan was foiled by our heroic rulebreakers, the damage has already been done. bway Orpheus has been told that his lover sold herself to Hades, and on top of that, the people who could’ve been his friends on the surface nearly killed him in Hadestown. It’s not like this was a sudden effect - Orpheus’s worldview started crumbling the minute he entered Hadestown. This was just the last step. Now with that sweet, sweet doubt in his head, things should go back to normal.

bway Eurydice is quite shaken by this - it’s her story, too. So nytw Eurydice swings her shovel a bit to get her to fuck off. Clotho does. (I like to think that the Fates can appear + disappear in a plume of dark smoke. Just a lil thing that’d look cool in animation.)

The three of them kinda. stare at each other for a bit. 

They take bway Orph to nytw Eurydice’s house to patch him up and rest. Nytw Orpheus washes the blood from his face, and there’s a distant look in his eyes as he recovers from what he did. bway Eurydice, who’s a smidge intimidated by him, says she thought he was pretty cool back there. It gets nytw Orpheus to laugh just the slightest bit, and thus, a friendship is born.

Nytw Eurydice and Orpheus take some time to catch each other up on what happened to them while bway Eurydice looks after her Orpheus.

He wakes up after some hours, a little worried, but with Eurydice there he settles down. She jogs his memory of what happened.

He starts venting to her, apologizing profusely for putting everyone in this mess and placing all their hopes on a song he couldn’t finish. Nothing Eurydice says can comfort him.

Unfortunately, Clotho was right: bway Orpheus is shattered. He goes on about how he is at fault, not just for Eurydice’s imprisonment in Hadestown, but for forcing nytw Orpheus to re-live his trauma to save him, and putting nytw Eurydice back on Hades’s hitlist. He’s hopeless, he says. This whole journey is hopeless. And because he’s the one to blame, he’s better off leaving.

He tries to leave Hadestown, despite the other three trying to get him to stop, but there’s another force keeping him from going too far: the workers. They’ve been listening to his plight, and they feel their old humanity come back to them at his sorrowful song (If It’s True).

Orpheus looks at his family, then looks back at the workers. Perhaps he did do something good for these people. Perhaps there’s still a chance for them.

Hermes comes up to the quartet, bearing news (it’s kind of his thing): Hades has also heard what the workers are starting to whisper about - a possible revolt against Hadestown’s cold-hearted structure - and demands for the four of them to come to his mansion. It’s judgment time.

Nytw Orpheus, who is bitter toward Hermes, demands to know why he didn’t help bway Orpheus since he was a god. Hermes, unfazed, asks why he couldn’t prevent the mob from attacking bway Orpheus, if he’d already lived Orpheus’s life. This quiets nytw Orpheus’s anger.

At the mansion, Hades tries to intimidate bway Orpheus before he actually passes judgment, though a very aggressive nytw Orpheus protects the other. Not today, Hades!

Persephone gives the Eurydices a bit of advice - maybe a mix of the London and NYTW Seph verses for Chant II - as she, too, heard the poet’s song.

The Fates are also there, watching. Plotting, probably.

Finally, Hades gives bway Orpheus his task: Sing a pretty song, and perhaps Hades will make use of him and spare his family. If he fails, it’s to the Great Beyond for all of them.

bway Orph is shaking like an autumn leaf. He’s not done with his song. It never worked the way he wanted it to. He’d tried to get nytw Orpheus to help him with it, but he’d refused, saying that if the song were really special, it would’ve come straight from bway Orpheus’s heart.

From the heart. Okay. That’s what Orpheus will do.

And to make a long story short, it works. beautifully. Orpheus sings his song of love and it swells as everyone else joins in. It’s like the heart of Hadestown is glowing.

At the end, Hades remembers his love for Persephone. He remembers his humanity. The old gods dance as if they were young lovers again.

And Orpheus just about blacks out again from cathartic relief. (Side note: I like to think that nytw Orph says something along the lines of “Easy there, rockstar!” I know the term won’t come around until the 60s but I think it’s really cute :))

Well, things seem to be going alright now! Hades isn’t as Bent on Harming the Four, Persephone’s smiling again, the workers are getting hopeful, and our four songbirds are together now. 

... Except, a look of unease haunts the nytw duo’s faces. They know what comes next after this. So does Clotho. The song wasn’t the real test, as we all know.

bway Orph asks if they can go, Hades says no, blah blah blah we've been here before.

Hermes tells the four (well, mainly the bway duo) of the task ahead. They are, of course, dumbfounded and frightened by what it entails. They look back at their older siblings, wordlessly asking, “did you know?”

Nytw Orpheus and Eurydice look away.

The bway duo demands them to tell the full truth of how they were separated. So they do. They tell their doomed successors that nytw Orpheus failed to bring them both out, and that the chances of it happening again are high. It’s completely up to the new duo, and the nytw duo didn’t want to talk of it out of fear of crushing their hopes.

The bway duo is... not pleased. They’re not just crushed, they’re betrayed. How could the nytw duo lie to them for so long, lead them down this path just to pull the rug out from under them? 

Nytw Orpheus reaches out to bway Orpheus, but the latter backs away, and leaves them. Bway Eurydice just shakes her head. She leaves them, too.

That night, when the four are preparing for the journey out, bway Eurydice finds her lover cupping his carnation in his palms. They talk quietly about the trek ahead, and Eurydice tells Orpheus that, even though their predecessors failed, that doesn’t mean they will, too. For what it’s worth, said predecessors didn’t have dead companions to travel with. And if the nytw duo were able to change (for the better) because of the bway duo’s actions, then maybe their ending could, too. “If they could do it, so can we.” 

Orpheus smiles, but his doubts still gnaw at him. What if their actions changed the outcome for the worse? He just wanted everyone to be safe and happy, but what if this night’s events shouldn’t have happened the way they did? Especially with Clotho’s plan unraveling faster than ever, did they really make all the right decisions? Could he put faith in himself, or was everything that the townspeople said up top, about the harshness of the world and all, really true?

Speaking of Clotho, she appears once more to nytw Eurydice. Eurydice snaps at her for putting everyone on the road to ruin, but Clotho merely states that she’s not the only one trying to get what she wants. Like it or not, everyone had a part to play. “This story of ours was your doing, too,” she says. “Now you finish it. I’m just helping it move along.”

As Clotho departs, Eurydice finds that statement... oddly comforting. If bway Orpheus just holds onto the hope he’d always had with him, then maybe... just maybe...

It’s a long night, and it’s a little odd with two somewhat estranged couples sharing a house. Eventually, they all decide to try and make amends in the tiny living room. Apologizing, conversing softly about their fears and hopes, curling up together on the surprisingly large worn couch. bway Orpheus lets his brother hug him. 

“I’m scared.”

“I know,” nytw Orpheus whispers. “And I have so much faith in you nonetheless.”

They sleep together on the couch that night. Lovers, brothers, and sisters say “I love you”. Hell, friends do, too, why not. There’s an air of peace in the stony caverns of Hadestown, and it’s enough to bring the four to a restful sleep.

They’ll need it for the journey ahead.

And, then, that morning, they set out, and... 

OHHH, GEE! Look at how long this got! Gee whizz, look at the time, too! I think it’s time to stop. We’ll leave the thrilling conclusion for another time!

Thanks a billion for the ask, anon, and thanks a lot to you, reader, if you actually got this far! I don’t write much, but when I do, I get really into it... 

There’s some stuff in Act I of this AU I still haven’t talked about - mostly silly fluff between the brothers, fluff between the sisters, some angst between the brothers, orphydice fluff, and nytw Orph’s strained relationship with the new Hermes, but again, that’s for another time.