#the theme of “waking up from a dream��� is making me very sad

[extraordinarilyextreme]

for my own sanity, i'm transcribing ZSX's goodbye video monologue for FDB:

去岁初夏逢君盛 今朝花落梦方醒 故事到此收笔 但人生还长 江湖路远 意气江湖正道安 风华正茂是少年 愿将来的方小包 经历风雨 不忘少年初心 走遍人间 仍有他路可寻 山高水长见日光 始终不忘少年样 前路存知己 江湖有相逢 于道各努力 千里自同风 方多病 希望你不服众望 成为下一个传奇

XSY's was much simpler (both he and CY pretty much just used their lines from the show; only ZSX spoke so much. and as c-netz pointed out, this truly is ZSX! the voice he gave FDB sounds different).

anyway, XSY's goodbye to DFS:

“一个剑客不该有弱点。” "A swordsman shouldn't have any weaknesses." “此生只有一愿，就是赢他。” "In this life, I have only one wish, which is to win him in a fight." 老笛，笛飞声。愿来世你能得偿所愿。 Lao Di, Di Feisheng. I hope, come the next life, all your wishes will come true.

and then CY's goodbye to LXY and LLH:

“去去重去去，来时是来时。” "What is meant to go, will go. What is meant to come, will come." “这人生嘛，本处处都是遗憾。” "In this life, intrinsically, regrets may be found everywhere." “十年了，没有什么放不下的，也更没有什么解不开的结。” "Ten years have passed. There's not much that cannot be set down, not to mention any knots that cannot be untied." 李相夷，李莲花。江湖一程，有幸相逢。再见了。 Li Xiangyi, Li Lianhua. You ventured into the jianghu. If we are lucky, we'll meet again. Goodbye for now.

and at the end of all their videos, the text read:

江湖别处有相逢，杯酒一盏此君行。 Elsewhere in the jianghu, we'll reunite. With this small cup of wine, I bid you farewell and send you off.

[sinsxo]

drowning. —itoshi sae

synopsis. a love so unreal that it feels too good to be true. a love so deep that you would willingly drown in.

cw. long drabble, boyfriend!sae x fem!reader, fluff, emotional vulnerability, intense romantic attachment, fear of abandonment, mentions of anxiety/self-doubt, heavy emotional themes disguised in soft moments

note. i wrote this fic inspired by one of my favourite songs: 沉溺 - 邹沛沛 ft. Pank! i hope you guys enjoy this read <3

wc. 463 words, proofread.

waking up almost every day in the arms of itoshi sae was something you wouldn’t have even imagined a year ago. the warmth and comfort that radiated from him was almost unreal, something most people could only dream of. it was a warmth enough to melt into you, wrapping you in a feeling of comfort so safe, it almost scared you.

and why almost every day? because you both had days where he had to leave earlier for a flight for an overseas tournament, or days where you slept in on weekends when you didn’t have work while he left for training. and during those days, you would wake up to the comforting scent of his morning coffee that lingered around your shared apartment — a quiet reminder that even in his absence, he was still part of your mornings.

but you didn’t think about those days right now. today wasn’t one of them.

today, you woke to his arms around your waist, your face pressed against his chest. and when your eyes fluttered open, his raspy morning voice greeted you with a soft “good morning.” that woke up the butterflies in your stomach, making them flutter uncontrollably.

it wasn’t just the way he held you, or the comfort he carried — it was the love. overwhelming, quiet, endless. almost too much. almost too good to be true.

because sae was a man of very few words, he didn’t say much — he never had to. every action, every detail he noticed, said what words never could.

it was the fancy dinners he would take you out to after a long day of work, the souvenirs and designer items that he brought back for you after an overseas tournament without you asking, the way he had to always be in your presence, and the way he showered you with hugs and kisses at the end of every day.

it was also the beach — the place he’d take you without a word when he sensed your sadness, knowing it was your favourite place on earth, second only to him who was your home. you remember the way your feet sank into the sand, holding each other’s hands with smiles on your faces — one that only appeared when you both were in each other’s presence — one that screamed the look of love.

it was this — the quiet mornings, the late dinners, the small, ordinary things — that has become everything. and sometimes, you wonder if it’s too much.

too perfect, too fleeting, too fragile.

because when someone like itoshi sae loves, he does it with a kind of quiet intensity that swallows you whole.

and you’re drowning in it. willingly, helplessly, terrified of what it would mean if it ever ended.

© all written works are created and owned by @sinsxo. do not plagiarise, modify, repost or translate any of my content on other platforms under any circumstances.

all images, aside from the dividers, do not belong to me. credit belongs to their original creators on pinterest & xhs.

[inastarlesssky]

Do you think I am incapable of love?"

Okay, here I am finally writing something.

Under the cut because here there be spoilers. Read at your own risk.

So for those of you who've seen all six episodes, remember in 2x03 when Nada tells Morpheus that she isn't sure his kind is even capable of love? And the remark wounds him. You can see that much in his face, the way he answers with, "How could you say that?" I'm not saying he's guilt-free here or that she's wrong. He was an asshole to her. I could go off on a tangent here about how he apologized, but we'll save that for the end.

Okay, keep that in mind. It's something he doesn't forget either, because in 2x04, it starts with him on the balcony in the rain, maybe shedding tears we can't see in the rainfall. He's not doing too great. Okay all that doesn't quite matter, my point is what he says to Lucienne.

"Do you think I am incapable of love?"

Let's take this apart piece by piece.

The fact of how he's asking her

The fact that he asks her of all people.

The possible consequences, after effects this has on him and how that reflects in the later episodes.

The fact of how he's asking her. He was told something by a former lover, something that I would venture to say cut him pretty deeply.

Pausing here to explain that I believe that Nada was completely in the right and justified in her reactions and the way that she confronted Dream. She was wronged, and it was a inexpressibly despicable thing to sentence her to 10,000 years of suffering in a rather impetuous, temper tantrum of a move fueled by anger and hurt on Morpheus' part. In a fascinating discussion with the amazing @nerdyechidna, we said that Morpheus had cast Nada into hell on a very much emotional decision. I'm not excusing that or trying to exonerate him. But on the other hand, when we make decisions governed by our passions, they're more often than not not-good ones. Okay, so basically, Nada's right to react this way. Now the comment of 'I don't know if you--if your kind is even capable of love'...is that a statement that is true on all levels for Dream of the Endless, or just true in Nada's perspective and in respect to the way that he has treated her, to say on a more singular level? We'll look into this later.

Now back to the seeing the emotion on his face...It didn't show in an extravagant way on his face, but then again Dream of the Endless has never been a great displayer of emotion. But I like to believe that I heard something in his voice, and something in his microexpressions that conveyed there was hurt somewhere.

Okay, now he asks Lucienne. That means that he himself isn't entirely sure, or wants confirmation or negation of the idea. He doesn't initially take it as a rigid, undeniable fact. If he did, I think he wouldn't have been asking about its veracity. Now, with him asking Lucienne, part of me also thought of how he sees Lucienne. He knows that she's reliable, faithful, always by his side. Will always give him counsel. Is someone he can trust. I mean, yes, okay, she's the only person there with him until Matthew arrives. But he could have just not asked her, not brought it up. He didn't need to. Lucienne then replies with "Did Queen Nada tell you that?" I wonder that she came to that conclusion. Lucienne knows that Dream is sad in the wake of Nada's leaving, and I guess by the heart-wrenching nature of the question, she is inclined to believe that it's something he would have heard from Nada. Very keen of Lucienne. (This is why I headcanon that Lucienne knows Dream the best out of everyone, with the exception of his siblings). Dream answers with "She said, she did not know if my kind was even capable of it." I'm going to write ANOTHER companion piece to this focusing on themes seen in 2x05 and Morpheus' relationship with his son which I will link here when it's done. Something else worthy of note on how Dream is internalizing this statement was something that @tj-dragonblade pointed out in the tags of a reblogged post.

"Something spoken by one person born of their emotions and personal experience is not universally true simply because they said it, but Dream of the Endless of course is not inclined to recognize that nuance and already thinks himself flawed beyond redemption, so of course he internalized it. We just need more examples pointed out to him demonstrating the opposite because he is not emotionally fluent enough to recognize most of them." Thus far, tj-dragonblade.

The consequences of this in following episodes and how it is affecting/could affect Morpheus. So given that, when he asks that question, he never hears an answer because Lucienne is interrupted, Morpheus probably simply accepts the idea that's been handed to him. He isn't able to ask his own about, because well, interruptions, the plot, etc. I think it really did affect him. Now on the server, @the-apocrypha pointed out that maybe the reason why Dream never said "I love you" to his son when they re-united is precisely because he believes he's not capable of love. Because his kind doesn't have the capacity to love. Thinking that if he was, he wouldn't have been able to kill his own child. But yet it's one of the most self-less things he's ever done. Thus far, apocryphal. (And I will write more of this because fml there is more to be said on this front).

But in another place, someone else said (please if it's you, let me know and I can credit you for it) that in 2x06, when Morpheus doesn't face Lucienne after he's returned from killing his son, and instead sort of hides around the corner, leaning against the bookshelf...someone said maybe it's because he doesn't even consider himself worthy of comfort, much less of love precisely because of what he did. But rather ironically, I think it's because of love that he did that, that he granted his son's request and brought down the consequences of that act--which he is fully aware of--on his own head.

So that's it. I wrote this not with the intention of proving wrong Nada's words and attitude to Dream in confronting him in 2x03. No, she had the right to do that. She suffered so much from all that. Though (and this is purely my own opinion, solely and particularly a thought I am considering)...could this have all been avoided if she'd only--according to how the show has portrayed the storyline (which is a whole other problem, I'm told because the comics' treatment of it was different)--could this have been avoided if Nada had refused him when Morpheus first knelt down and asked for her hand. I guess we won't know how he would have reacted, but he claims that if she refused him then, he would not trouble her anymore. Besides, he also acknowledged, when Nada said that being with an Endless would cause nothing but disaster, he said, "I know". But sort of just ignores that and still asks for her hand?

Okay, I'm rambling now but really what moved me to write this was (as I said before) not an urge to argue with Nada but more my own reaction to the fact that Morpheus himself is questioning this in himself. That he's grappling with this idea that's been presented to him, and I wanted to argue that he IS capable of love. That he can't be held to human standards because he's not human. So his emotional reaction spectrum is going to be a fuck of a lot different than ours, js. Still, I'm also not trying to justify his actions.

And I'd just like to clarify, I don't intend to engage in any arguments or fighting over this, I'm simply expressing an opinion that I have that urged me to write, and wanted to share those thoughts here, because I've seen by another post I made that there's more than a few of us here who hold this idea.

Just a final note, everyone will have their own opinion, and I don't intend to disparage or discredit those of others. So if anyone doesn't agree with this, that's fine. And if I'm wrong about something (which I probably am because I haven't read the comics) then it's okay to let me know that, but I just ask that be in a kind way. I'm only expressing opinions that I have. Thanks!

[jediwrites]

this won’t work

pairing: anakin skywalker x jedi knight fem!reader

theme: angst/comfort

summary: after a mission, you’re feeling like shit, anakin comes to comfort you.

warnings: a little angst, but we get the confort part too :) mentions of nightmares, toxic thinking (i guess? idk how to name it sorry), sad feelings, probably grammar mistakes

word count: 881

A/N: hello there, just a small work to start (idk if i can call this angst?). i'm really excited to share this with y’all, it’s far from the best but i liked how it turned out. this is the first time i post my writing, so i'm afraid, but really happy too, so i hope yall like it. if you want to make a request (or just want to talk) feel free to ask!

You felt the sweat getting down on your forehead and spine with every swing of your saber, your hands held the base with a strong grip, trying to stop the trembling. You had been in the training room for hours. It was probably late at night, but you didn’t care. You would be there until your body ran out of energy or ran out of those feelings that were consuming your very being. The meditation wasn’t working, so the saber fight had to.  

You shouldn’t be letting those feelings consume you. So much shame, regret, anger. You were a Jedi, for the Maker’s sake. It seems like you were incapable of controlling it, though. You had failed them, how it would be possible for you to not feel anything? 

Since the attack of Grievous and his droids, it has been impossible for you to have a good night. Every time you tried to close your eyes and let sleep take you, the sounds of screams and shots flood your dreams, with the creepy laugh of the cyborg being the melody of them. So you wake up more tired than before. Wanting to run away from those memories, your mind came to the idea that if you worked your body to exhaustion, you probably wouldn’t have dreams or nightmares. 

“This won’t work at all” a voice suddenly filled the room, startling you and making you come to a halt. Your distraction almost got you hit by a blaster, but you deflected it with a fast swing of your lightsaber. With a command, you turned off the droid.

“You scared me, you idiot!”

The man laughed. “Well, I can’t say that wasn’t my objective.”

Rolling your eyes, you retracted your lightsaber, putting it in your belt. Drying the sweat from your forehead with your robe’s sleeve, you turned in his direction.

Looking at Anakin made your heart skip a beat. That’s probably because of the intensive training you were doing seconds ago, nothing related to the man, of course. Crossing your arms over your chest, you spoke:

“I thought you were on a mission.” You weren’t expecting to see him so soon, but you felt the relief of seeing Anakin again getting through your body. 

“You thought right, but the council called me to get back to Coruscant.” Anakin had his arms crossed in his back, with every word he did say, he gave a step to your direction. You kept still, waiting. With only a small distance between you, Anakin put one of his hands on your shoulder, squeezing softly. “Are you alright?”

His caring tone made you break. Before you could prevent it, your eyes were burning and your face was buried in his chest, with his arms around you. You were crying like a baby, probably his robe would be wet after that, but you couldn't care less, neither could he. 

After some time of your crying being the only sound in the room, you calmed down, feeling Anakin’s hand soothing your back. You missed him so much.

“It’s alright, you’ll be alright.”

You moved your head from his chest, being able to see his face without getting away from his embrace. Anakin got a small smile on his lips, you could see the sadness in his eyes. He knew very well what you were feeling. Losing men to the battle wasn't an easy thing that you could just forget that happened, but going on after surviving and fighting for those who had fallen was the best to do. Dwelling in the possibilities of what could have happened if another decision or move had been taken, wouldn’t bring anything good.

Letting his mechanic hand on your back, he put the other in your face, getting rid of the remaining tears from your cheeks. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You thought about it. Maybe it would help, the last time you spoke about the fateful day was with the council, and if you would be honest you didn’t say everything. Right, you told them how you and the soldiers got to fight Grievous and the casualties, but besides the strategic thing — and the tragedy —, you didn't say anything more. In your mind, telling them about how this mission affected you would make them perceive you as weak, or worse, perceive you as someone incapable of returning to the battlefield. So to not give chances, you kept every feeling to yourself.

“No,” you said. “Not now, at least.” 

Having Anakin in your arms made you feel more at ease. It was ironic how this very man, who has a mixture of emotions flooding from himself, was the one capable of soothing your stormy feelings.

A thought passed through your mind, making you a bit embarrassed. Wanting to hide this from him, you got your head back in his chest, tightening even more your arms around him. 

“But I will be glad if you could stay with me, like this, for tonight,” you whispered, a comment only for his ears.

The sound of his laugh made a smile appear on your lips. “My beautiful girl, you don’t have to ask again.” Anakin kissed the top of your head, whispering back. “I won't let you go from my arms tonight” or ever.

[aurumacadicus]

It's time to choose our book for August, and the theme is Translated Books! Feel free to vote even if you’re not part of book club; we’ll be voting amongst the top three in our Discord. If you’d like to join the book club, send me a message and I’ll give you the link! Book summaries are under the cut!

Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami

Here we meet fifteen-year-old runaway Kafka Tamura and the elderly Nakata, who is drawn to Kafka for reasons that he cannot fathom. As their paths converge, acclaimed author Haruki Murakami enfolds readers in a world where cats talk, fish fall from the sky, and spirits slip out of their bodies to make love or commit murder, in what is a truly remarkable journey.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez, Gregory Rabassa (Translator)

One of the most influential works of our time, One Hundred Years of Solitude remains a dazzling and original achievement by the masterful Gabriel Carcia Marquez, winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature.

One Hundred Years of Solitude tells the story of the rice and fall, birth and death of the mythical town of Macondo through the history of the Buendiá family. Inventive, amusing, magnetic, sad and alive with unforgettable men and women—brimming with truth, compassion, and a lyrical magic that strikes the soul—this novel is a masterpiece in the art of fiction.

The Dallergut Dream Department Store: A Novel by Miye Lee, Sandy Joosun Lee (Translator)

What if there was a store that sold dreams? Which would you buy? And who might you become when you wake up?

In a mysterious town hidden in our collective subconscious there’s a department store that sells dreams. Day and night, visitors both human and animal shuffle in to purchase their latest adventure. Each floor specializes in a specific type of dream: childhood memories, food dreams, ice skating, dreams of stardom. Flying dreams are almost always sold out. Some seek dreams of loved ones who have died.

For Penny, an enthusiastic new hire, working at Dallergut is the opportunity of a lifetime. As she uncovers the workings of this whimsical world, she bonds with a cast of unforgettable characters, including Dallergut, the flamboyant and wise owner, Babynap Rockabye, a famous dream designer, Maxim, a nightmare producer, and the many customers who dream to heal, dream to grow, and dream to flourish.

The Full Moon Coffee Shop by Mai Mochizuki, Jesse Kirkwood (Translator)

In Japan, cats are a symbol of good luck. As the myth goes, if you are kind to them, they’ll one day return the favor. And if you are kind to the right cat, you might just find yourself invited to a mysterious coffee shop under a glittering Kyoto moon.

This particular coffee shop is like no other. It has no fixed location, no fixed hours, and it seemingly appears at random.

It’s also run by talking cats.

While customers at the Full Moon Coffee Shop partake in cakes and coffees and teas, the cats also consult their star charts, offering cryptic wisdom, and letting them know where their lives veered off course.

Every person who visits the shop has been feeling more than a little lost. For a down-on-her-luck screenwriter, a romantically stuck movie director, a hopeful hairstylist, and a technologically challenged website designer, the coffee shop’s feline guides will set them back on their fated paths. For there is a very special reason the shop appeared to each of them…

A Magical Girl Retires: A Novel by Park Seolyeon, Anton Hur (Translator)

Twenty-nine, depressed, and drowning in credit card debt after losing her job during the pandemic, a millennial woman decides to end her troubles by jumping off Seoul’s Mapo Bridge.

But her suicide attempt is interrupted by a girl dressed all in white—her guardian angel. Ah Roa is a clairvoyant magical girl on a mission to find the greatest magical girl of all time. And our protagonist just may be that special someone.

But the young woman’s initial excitement turns to frustration when she learns being a magical girl in real life is much different than how it’s portrayed in stories. It isn’t just destiny—it’s work. Magical girls go to job fairs, join trade unions, attend classes. And for this magical girl there are no special powers and no great perks, and despite being magical, she still battles with low self-esteem. Her magic wand…is a credit card—which she must use to defeat a terrifying threat that isn’t a monster or an intergalactic war. It’s global climate change. Because magical girls need to think about sustainability, too.

Days at the Morisaki Bookshop by Satoshi Yagisawa, Eric Ozawa (Translator)

Twenty-five-year-old Takako has enjoyed a relatively easy existence—until the day her boyfriend Hideaki, the man she expected to wed, casually announces he’s been cheating on her and is marrying the other woman. Suddenly, Takako’s life is in freefall. She loses her job, her friends, and her acquaintances, and spirals into a deep depression. In the depths of her despair, she receives a call from her distant uncle Satoru.

An unusual man who has always pursued something of an unconventional life, especially after his wife Momoko left him out of the blue five years earlier, Satoru runs a second-hand bookshop in Jimbocho, Tokyo’s famous book district. Takako once looked down upon Satoru’s life. Now, she reluctantly accepts his offer of the tiny room above the bookshop rent-free in exchange for helping out at the store. The move is temporary, until she can get back on her feet. But in the months that follow, Takako surprises herself when she develops a passion for Japanese literature, becomes a regular at a local coffee shop where she makes new friends, and eventually meets a young editor from a nearby publishing house who’s going through his own messy breakup.

But just as she begins to find joy again, Hideaki reappears, forcing Takako to rely once again on her uncle, whose own life has begun to unravel. Together, these seeming opposites work to understand each other and themselves as they continue to share the wisdom they’ve gained in the bookshop.

The Kamogawa Food Detectives by Hisashi Kashiwai, Jesse Kirkwood (Translator)

What’s the one dish you’d do anything to taste just one more time?

Down a quiet backstreet in Kyoto exists a very special restaurant. Run by Koishi Kamogawa and her father Nagare, the Kamogawa Diner serves up deliciously extravagant meals. But that’s not the main reason customers stop by…

The father-daughter duo are ‘food detectives’. Through ingenious investigations, they are able to recreate dishes from a person’s treasured memories – dishes that may well hold the keys to their forgotten past and future happiness. The restaurant of lost recipes provides a link to vanished moments, creating a present full of possibility.

The Days of the Deer by Liliana Bodoc

It is known that the strangers will sail from some part of the Ancient Lands and will cross the Yentru Sea. All our predictions and sacred books clearly say the same thing. The rest is all shadows. Shadows that prevent us from seeing the faces of those who are coming.

In the House of Stars, the Astronomers of the Open Air read contradictory omens. A fleet is coming to the shores of the Remote Realm. But are these the long-awaited Northmen, returned triumphant from the war in the Ancient Lands? Or the emissaries of the Son of Death come to wage a last battle against life itself? From every village of the seven tribes, a representative is called to a Great Council. One representative will not survive the journey. Some will be willing to sacrifice their lives, others their people, but one thing is certain: the era of light is at an end.

[thegeminisage]

soundtrack for the ossuary

sometimes i put music suggestions in my fic notes, but i didn't make an exhaustive list, so i decided to make a tumblr post of what songs i listened to while writing or editing any particular selection. this is mostly so i don't forget but partially so if anybody else wants to feel insanely authentic about it they can. some of these choices are really embarrassing, so if you read it, you have to pinky promise not to judge me, ok?

reapify - desolation - listened to this while writing the prologue. i'm big into "music that sets a strong tone without having a specific melody or lyrics that can distract you" and this is the first of many such cases. it's got a slow build that lends itself well to that "something is about to happen" feeling.

atrium carceri - leviathan - i probably beat this one up the most while writing this fic. specifically, the is the music i played when writing lucanis waking up underwater, but i also played it a TON throughout other scenes with quiet moods when i couldn't decide on something more definitely. it's haunting and creepy and aquatic and even has ambient background noises. could not have asked for a more perfect ossuary song. i haven't played the game this is from, but i'd like to one day!

hans zimmer & lorne balfe - down, but not out - this is from veilguard's ost! i played it while writing the first escape attempt, where lucanis ran into the qunari prisoner, and the fight scene with zara. the part where it picks up is perfect "wandering the halls but very quickly" music.

the allergorist - dark forces (robert koch rework) - this one was for lucanis getting tossed back in his cell after the escape attempt, realizing what's happening, and being told to eat the horrible thing. sinister and dramatic!

steve roach - void memory 3 - for most of chapter 3, where lucanis is forcefed spite. it's very sinister and creepy and definitely lends itself well to an atmosphere of being trapped in a tiny room with the object of your own demise. also listened to this during the scary ch5 torture scenes.

daniel licht - void theme - this was what i listened to while doing the actual forcefeeding scene; it's a great song to introduce spite, as it introduces the outsider in dishonored 2. also listened to this during the scary ch5 torture scenes.

øneheart - this feeling - when lucanis wakes up to discover he is, shockingly, still alive and not a monster.

beauty & the beast's "prologue" - one by moisés nieto and one by diana dream - it's a song that lends itself to a "trapped in a tower" feeling. i added them to my playlist after the fic writing process had already been finished, but i listened to them while editing a lot of the quieter scenes where lucanis is Still Stuck In Prison, and especially the mid-scenes of chapter 4.

hiræth - whiteout - for the scene where lucanis finds out spite has wings, and correctly guesses his name. interestingly, this one is melodically similar to the song i listened to at the beginning of the chapter.

hans zimmer & lorne balfe - from a trickle to a flood - another one i listened to this during the scary ch5 torture scenes. it's just got a creepy feeling of dread around it!

henry jackman - taking a stand - okay, now we are getting to the embarrassing choices...this is what plays during the elevator fight in, um, the w*nter s*ldier. i was writing an elevator fight in the escape attempt at the end of chapter 5, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ actually, i listened to this a little bit too hard. without having seen the movie in a very long time, i accidentally choreographed my action scene so that it matched the movie perfectly. i had to go back and edit it, lol.

nikola zolkiewska - smoothness - didn't hit on this one until i got to the editing process, but it made perfect music to edit the "nyrys" scenes to. it's very sad and intimate, which fits the mood, until, you know. and uh, for the "you know" scene? total silence. just so we're clear.

philip steele - another rain - for the beginning of chapter 8, after lucanis has been brought to his lowest and is being affected by the desperation demon. i've loved this song for many years, and i actually had a spotify playlist with nothing but covers of it, but this one seem to match the mood i wanted the most.

hans zimmer & lorne balfe - love and ashes - another one from the game. this is actually what i listened to while writing spite and lucanis's...mind meld? flashback? after spite kisses him (in a very buffy/faith way...check the fifth gif) to snap him out of the desperation demon's hold. the flashbacks from spite's pov, the reveal that he cannot leave lucanis's body, and his stopping lucanis from committing suicide were one of the first parts of this fic i dreamed up (along with the assault scene), and it just so happened that i was dreaming them up in the 40-minute car ride to and from work, and the dragon age soundtrack was what i was playing on loop. the lucanis/spite relationship may not be overtly romantic in this fic (though it probably will get closer to that in the sequel), but this is, to me, more or less a confession scene: it is when lucanis and spite realize they love each other. i got myself pretty choked up writing it!

marlene t - safe & sound (piano version) - i happened to come across a fanvid with a piano cover of this song in it right as i was writing the dream with illario in it during chapter 8. i'm not sure if this is the same cover, but it has the same vibe. definitely misted over writing this scene too; this is such a warm, tender song, which is how lucanis thinks of illario, who he misses so badly...And Yet.

henry jackman - fury - is it my fault the w*nter s*ldier soundtrack fucks? not only can i tell you that this song is what plays when lucanis opens his eyes, fights off the venatori, and flies to the artifact, i can tell you that in the movie in my mind, the wings flap open right after the drop at 1:56. it's got such great rising tension, it's so action-y, it's the perfect tone to take us out of that emotional dream sequence.

hams zimmer & lorne balfe - sea of blood - theee iconic lucanis theme song, this does of course play in his intro in the game, so it's what i listened to while writing him being dragged to the crystal prison and escaping it to finally meet rook.

nima fakhrara - crossroads (connor) - another slightly embarrassing choice. i am a little biased by, unfortunately, being familiar with the game and soundtrack this song is from (and i have quite a few more ambient songs from it on my very big general writing playlist - mixed feelings on the game but NOT on the music), but it plays in an incredibly tense moment where a character has to make a huge choice with high stakes, and the preceding conversation has another person basically talking him down off a ledge. this is more or less what happens to lucanis after he stops the elevator and accuses rook of being zara, so it fits perfectly. rook and neve have to talk him down from the very justifiable fit of crazy he's having so he doesn't just kill them all before they can escape. it was a scene that gave me a LOT of trouble, but well worth it - it wound up being one of my favorites.

amtrac - intermission - i listened to this while writing both the first and final scenes of the last chapter - the scene where lucanis recalls the warning he gave zara, and the promise illario and he made to each other, and the scene where he watched the ossuary slowly shrink into the distance until it's gone forever. the quiet anticipatory feeling of this song makes it one of my all-time favorites.

birdy - keeping your head up - if this fic was a movie, this would be the credits song. spite literally kept lucanis's head up, and now they're out! i'm picturing the credits rolling over the iconic treviso skyline as the rowboat shrinks slowly into the distance, lol.

[blazeeblake]

Somewhat inspired by something bringing up Joyce Summers, an alternative universe/episode/arc where the showrunner is still a bastard but we get a kinder(?), allegedly grounded in realism death for Bobby AND address Renter Eddie Diaz. Broad strokes that are mostly off the top of my head, so bear with me:

Episode Title: The Q Word

Eddie somehow (it's 9-1-1 so hand wave away any minor unlikelihoods) has a regular customer with his Uber driving and they become friends. He's always partying with a bunch of other guys and Eddie being Eddie thinks this dude is living the dream hanging out with the boys, no dating gumming up the works. The friend/regular invites him out and Eddie ends up at a gay bar. After the shock wears off, he and the friend have a talk and after some things are pointed out/brought up (Eddie hating the performance of dating, his past panic attacks, maybe even the circumstances leading to teenage fatherhood and young marriage) Eddie starts directly examining some stuff about himself. Surprisingly, he doesn't freak out, and with some gentle guidance he tries to soft launch not being straight by intentionally going back to the gay bar. Unfortunately, much like in 6x14 (complete with montage) he doesn't click with anyone. He talks to the friend again and maybe even thinks they got it all wrong with questioning his orientation, but the friend tells him its a spectrum, and that being queer (if that's what Eddie is), can mean very different things for different people; some folks are gay, some are bi, some might only feel something when they've already become close with a person ( ; ) ), but in any case he's not obligated to drill anything down or label into hard line specifics. Eddie seems visibly a bit dissatisfied but he shrugs it off. Not labeling things and not rocking the boat is fine with him, especially when he's focusing on his son and life is good. Cue a call from Buck the next day.

Meanwhile, in the other half of the plot, someone (maybe a snarky B shift person on the way home) has used the "Q" (quiet) word and the 118 has a nonstop series of calls that have low key/high key themes of endings or conclusions. This idea is less formed in my brain, but maybe emergencies happening at a retirement party where the honoree is uncertain about really being done, or a traffic accident where someone was driving their kid to college but having trouble letting go; just stuff where the trauma allows for an honest examination and acceptance that things are ending but also opening up for the future. All throughout, there's moments of the team stepping up in ways that don't necessarily sideline Bobby or make him obsolete, but show him that the team really has come a long way and, even outside of his depression last season, he wasn't wrong that they're reaching a point where they've grown beyond needing him as much. Buck is being reasonable and maybe even holding Ravi back from unnecessary risk taking; Hen is making tough, leadership adjacent judgement calls; Chimney is the one talking someone down in a really competent way. This time, he's not sad. He just feels proud and it shows, and after a family dinner at the end of a ridiculous day (where we get a moment of him telling the team he loves them, because I don't want Buck and the others to lose that declaration), he brings up retiring (or taking a job with less hands-on work) with Athena. She briefly looks concerned but he tells her that after almost dying [last season] he's not only certain of wanting to live but how he wants to live: making a home for the person who he found a home in when he was at his lowest, and letting his team see how far they can soar without him holding on. He's ready for something Quieter. It's emotional but not a red flag, so they kiss and go to bed happy. The next day, Athena goes to wake him up, maybe making a quip about not being retired yet, and he's died in his sleep.

Back in El Paso, seeing Buck on the caller ID, something clicks with Eddie and he suddenly understands where he falls on the spectrum of things. There's a beat where the realization hits and then turns into a kind of relieved contentment, and he seems settled when he answers the phone... Only for all of that to get shoved aside when he hears Buck sobbing on the other end of the line. End of episode.

To be clear, in my ideal scenario Bobby would live forever and I still hate everything about him being killed off in canon, but for some reason my brain conjured up a 'what if' unasked and I needed to write it down for sanity's sake.

Wishing y'all good luck with actual viewing tonight and a very merry go to hell, Tim.

[aziralock42]

Ok, here is my analysis of each song of the official angelic playlist of our dear ineffable husbands (azira and crowley). I listened to them and I will write to whom I feel the lyrics correspond.

The hidden phrase is: season three (can i hear a wahoo?)

1. Crowley. Him suffering to see Aziraphale leaving with Metatron, is him preferring to stay blind after seeing how he left him alone 😭 he doesn't want him to leave him, and he can only sit there thinking about his kiss :(

2. Crowley. He will still love him no matter where Aziraphale is, his heart will still beat for him no matter what 😭 it's the Titanic song.

3. Crowley. Shit, this one hurt me a lot, Crowley sleeps to dream about him, he describes how Sandman puts him of his magic when he closes his eyes and so he dreams that he talks to him, that he walks with him, that they are together 💔 but the moment comes when he wakes up and comes back to reality where azira is gone "i remember that you said goodbye".

4. Aziraphale (female voice) and Crowley (male voice). Azira convincing himself that the answer (the solution) is not them together, because now there is nothing that can change what happened, maybe things would be better if only he had known how crowley feels about him, he assumes his mistake, and says he thinks about him when he is alone. He tries to pretend that he doesn't spend all his time thinking about what could have been. On the other hand, crowley shows up and claims what's the point of continuing to pretend they are not more than friends, wonders why he would end something he enjoys. Just a sign from aziraphale would suffice, one place and one hour, he would go for it.

5. Aziraphale (I had my doubts, but since in a certain part he asks the lord for something, I think it would have to be him). Aziraphale in love with crowley, seeing him as the boy of his dreams, but then falls into the reality that it only happens in his imagination. He begins to fantasize about the perfect life they could have together. He prays to God that no one will take his love away from him, otherwise he will die.

6. Crowley. Basically Crowley a little bit spiteful HAHAHA he thinks azira didn't even shed a tear so what difference does it make if now that he's sorry and looking to apologize, since he already cried a whole river and suffered for him, it's his turn to suffer. He doesn't forget everything he said to him.

7. Aziraphale. This is beautiful, I feel it's him as he romanticizes the dance and mentions that he loves to hear him read something to him. Sounds to me like an Azira completely in love and how he relates his feelings to a book of love.

8. Aziraphale. This one is my favorite in regards to how beautiful it is, and it's very very aziraphale. This vintage song makes me imagine him gawking at the kiss that has been stolen, as he can't help but think how magical it was and how his lips have never been so strangely arranged. Azira so smitten as he remembers that unforgettable kiss that marked him heart and soul.

9. AZIRAPHALE 😭. It's amazing how well it fits the situation, Crowley wishing to have something with him and be happy together as his dream, while Azira, although he loves him and recognizes that he is a great guy, chooses to keep developing and growing to get that great supreme angel power. I could write an essay on what this song represents so I'll leave that for another post. Something that touched my heart, that I must mention, is when he says "he was sunshine, I was midnight rain", because aziraphale sees himself with pain and sadness while Crowley was his light, but he still chose to leave and go on his way.

10. AZIRAPHALE. Clearly it's about how he hides his pain with a smile, the show must go on. I love that these last two songs very much represent the reasons why he made the decision to leave and helps to understand this poor little angel more.

11. Crowley. This one saddens me because crowley believes that he is not reciprocated, that he is not enough and tries to convince himself that everything will be okay.

5 Crow, 5 Azira + Azira/Crow =11 songs

That's all for today, I hope you liked the interpretation and join me in this pain <3

[gallavich-annise]

Shameless Rewatch Thoughts! 

I'll Light A Candle For You Every Day

This was a very Fiona-focused episode, and I love her so I do appreciate that focus... But it was one of those episodes that I disliked more on rewatch than I think I did first time around. I still love aspects of it, but I think it was one of those episodes that seem to happen a lot in Shameless where the scenes and performances are excellent but it doesn't really hang together as well as it thinks it does.

And then we have the Frank plot where he straight up murders a woman. Twice, kinda. Which is very low Frank and peak Frank hatred.

So let's start with... Debbie. 

After last episode seeing Aunt Ginger's boyfriend Harry die (or rather, seeing him dead shortly thereafter) Debbie spends the episode obsessed with death. She wakes Fiona from a sex dream with a list of euphemisms for death. She sings bleak songs. She checks Liam is breathing while he is asleep.

And none of her family have time for it. She goes through all this alone. Her brothers shrug it off. Fiona more or less tells her to piss off so she can go back to sleep. Only V has a conversation about it with her. And it's lovely, if superficial. V helpfully tells her she doesn't need to stress about death yet and she should thinks about nice things.

That is still way way better and less horrifying than Ethel saying she can't wait to die to be closer to God. Oh Ethel, you are terrifyingly damaged. Poor Ethel.

It's not the best Debbie performance ever, but it's good and it's sad and it's really just an aside. Almost just a comedy moment sprinkled through the episode. It's another time that no one really takes the time to get to know Debbie or help her with things. Debbie goes to Fiona looking for help but not really knowing how to ask for it, and Fiona is in no position to offer it (both in the just-woken-up sense, and in the emotionally-unhealthy-with-awful-coping-strategies sense). 

So much of early Shameless is watching all the moments where they could have helped Debbie be better adjusted fly past. Makes me very sad. 

Onwards...

Carl and Ian do very little this episode, but they do have a couple of lovely brothers moments, with Carl punching Ian while Ian does pull ups to "help him train" and then just bothering each other in the kitchen. "I help with daycare" "eating all the Mac and cheese is not helping". 

One of the things I really appreciate gif-makers for are the sets that highlight each of the individual relationships. Because they all get lovely moments along the way, and while I feel like Ian-Carl is not one of the better developed ones, there are some very sweet brotherly themes (mostly involving casual mild violence, but in a way that feels realistically brotherly affection-y). 

Lip also does very little this episode, but we see him go to the college and meet with a Colonel and ask him about West Point. Knowing how that thread plays out, it's actually kind of neat how Lip clearly doesn't think the Colonel would ever expect it to be Lip intending to apply, so he doesn't mention that it's for his brother. While it's a minor plot overall, it's nice that it feels sort of in-character inevitable, because some stuff this episode felt very contrived or at least playing hard on narrative convenience. (Listening to South Side Rules pointed out more of these moments in season 1 than I had noticed myself, but rewatches always show up a few more than you notice first time). Lip is so uninterested in joining the military that it would never occur to him that the Colonel would misconstrue his interest... That feels very on brand for Lip, actually. Or perhaps he was just using it as an opener and planned to mention Ian later... Either way it works, but I prefer my first interpretation.

The other Lip scenes are with Karen; he has a machine to pull credit card numbers off parking lot meters, but it's unclear what good this will do him, if any. He chats to Karen about Ian (worrying about him applying to West Point or not making the grade) and Jody (Lip is an ass, obviously). Later that episode Karen says that they have to stop screwing because Jody's going to propose and she is happy about it. Karen seems more distracted in that scene than she often does, though it does continue the theme of them having random and irrelevant conversations during sex. And of framing sex scenes in ways that look unsexy and honestly just uncomfortable... Doggy style on the top bunk? Really? 

Karen is still quite opaque, but I think I felt like there was at least something under the surface this time. She's smiling when she says Jody proposing is "a great thing" but it's a distracted kind of smile that doesn't reach her eyes. She screams when Jody does, in fact, propose, and it seems girlishly happy in a way that doesn't seem honest to the Karen we see most of the time. Like maybe she's forcing it because she thinks that's how she's supposed to feel.

When I try to understand Karen most of what I come up with is her feeling trapped and trying to pretend to be what she thinks she should be, which is incredibly sad. She hasn't really dealt with the consequences of her spiral, and she hasn't really broken out of it, she's just no longer descending the spiral. Jody cares for her and is offering her the care and attention she craves, so she should leap at it, right? 

While I know what would fix Debbie at this point, I can't say the same for Karen. It's not Jody and it's not Lip. Sheila seems to be backed off again as well, when in season 1 Karen was a huge part of her motivation for wanting to overcome her agoraphobia, she's now seemed much more focused on it for herself (though she's not in this episode at all). So Karen is kind of lost. She needs a solid relationship, and it should probably be Sheila, but Sheila isn't there. I feel more sad about Karen this time around, I think, because I'm trying harder to actually get her rather than just sit through her scenes to get to the bits I like more.

But that's enough for now. On to... 

Kev! In this episode, we again see the horrifically racist Stan and his mental deterioration making Kev worry about the future of the Alibi. So he declares that he will buy it. He tries to get Kate on board, but she refuses. V tries to talk him out of it on account of business owning being much harder than just working at a bar. He wants to do it anyway. 

The Kev and V relationship in this episode does have a slightly less nice dynamic whereby V shows a fake smile and tells him his ideas are great, when she vehemently disagrees but doesn't want to upset him. And it's understandable and doesn't last long, and doesn't cause a dramatic schism like it might in a different relationship. I didn't really like it, but I appreciated that it felt at least moderately realistic that she kind of goes along with it when it seems like a pipe dream that he'll quickly realise is unattainable, but she comes clean when he starts talking about actions with more immediate consequences (ie taking out credit and ruining their credit scores). 

He tries to organize a beach party theme night and it doesn't go well... But when he reiterates that owning the Alibi is something he really wants to pursue, V steps up and supports him and says they'll make it work. So, an odd step and then a lovely resolution for our delightful grown ups. Which is the crux of Kev and V in these early seasons (and to a lesser extent all the way through). Nothing rocks them because their foundations are so strong. One of the best het relationships on TV. I love them so much.

Two to go. Fiona first. 

Fiona has a sexy dream about her high school crush Craig. Then she gets a text from him and they arrange to meet up for coffee. And she knows he's married, isn't planning on starting anything, but as V points out it's clear that he is. There's a certain amount of self-delusion, I think, making out that she's not actually planning to sleep with him. Though she does hold out at first. I remembered this plot line quite well, but I think I liked it more first time around for some reason... This time I see in it the seeds for Fiona's season 4 spiral, so there's that. It's got that hint of self-destructiveness to it.

The coffee date is... Fine. They catch up. There's a certain amount of chemistry such that it doesn't seem totally unreasonable that she'd end up sleeping with him. There's another of those "experimenting with weird camera techniques" moments where it goes black and white and does dreamy freeze frames and odd close-ups on lips and eyes and... I guess it serves to emphasize that he's only really attractive to her because he's an old crush and she's horny (and missing Steve, but we only really get that piece after the fact). 

On her way home afterwards she finds a bag on the L... And it's a designer bag with over $500 in it. Windfall! Lip shows a weird and impressive bit of knowledge of designer brands by declaring that it's genuine and why. I liked this little bit of off brand smart-arsery because it makes sense that it's something he might research idly, but it's left-field enough to be funny. 

Rather than just adding it to the squirrel fund, Fiona spends the money on nice stuff for herself and the siblings. Which was very sweet. New socks for Carl, smokes for Lip, a manicure. She calls the bag's owner to return it, hoping to get an additional reward. 

Later she goes off to drop off the bag. On the way she sexts a bit with Craig, which... Yeah, okay. I love Fiona, but I'm not sure which of them I'm now annoyed by; him for the blatant attempts at cheating on his wife, or her for entertaining it despite saying that she wouldn't and won't. But it's fine. It's whatever.

The owner of the bag turns out to be a poorish mom of lots of kids just moved from South Side and struggling and the $500 was her rent. She's nice to Fiona and grateful for her returning the bag, even without the money in it. And Fiona feels bad about it and leaves. Having a crisis of conscience, she decides to give the money back, and scrapes together the remainder with some of her part of the squirrel fund, which she intends to replace. Frank waltzes in at this moment to give his "finders keepers losers weepers" speech and Fiona tells the kids she was wrong to take the money and it's now going to do the right thing! Go Fiona! I get it... I like that she is thinking about it, she cares. I understand why she'd keep the money, I wouldn't feel like it makes her terrible? But it's a lot of money, and especially when she sees that its owner is struggling I'm glad that she feels bad about taking it, in a way Frank never ever would, and this scene highlights that nicely.

On the way she gets another call from Craig and puts him off again. And then she gets to the bag owner woman to return the money, and the reception is a lot more hostile! I disliked this moment. It felt contrived to put Fiona into the bad headspace she needed. The woman was so grateful before, calling Fiona nice... It guilted her into going back when she didn't have to! And then when she does show up again, the woman is unpleasant and accusatory? I mean, sure, she might have put together that Fiona stole the money in between, but that wasn't a big stretch, so why was she so nice first time and so horrible the second? Maybe she just had a really bad day in between, but even that is a plot contrivance. To make Fiona angry. And like, Fiona showed up again so why would she not at least hear her out? Get her money back before spouting bitterness. It didn't feel narratively satisfying. 

But they argue in the street and Fiona gets riled up enough that she decides to help Craig cheat on his wife. And it starts with a romantic moment by the high school running track and... Ends with really awful disgusting sex in a car full of kids toys and nappies and Fiona even tries to stop but kind of decides it's easier to ride it out... And I like that the sex was bad. I like that sometimes the sex is just bad on Shameless, I've said it before. It is comically and exaggeratedly bad, but that's Shameless too. If Craig is having fun, he obviously just kind of needed a real doll because Fiona is not involved at all. Far from the "kiss me undress me tease me" of her text, it looks rushed and selfish and... The noises involved are hysterically awkward. I didn't like this scene as much second time around, because it didn't have the amusement of surprise, I guess. It was just awkward and he was completely uninterested in her part of the experience. Whatever.

It ends with Fiona going home feeling like shit and calling Steve. So we discover she does still have his number. It's a brief "hi there" call with zero substance. And it's weird because it's so brief you'd expect that they'd been in regular contact because I'd expect them to have more to say if they weren't, but the way they talk makes it feel like they haven't been in touch. And it's whatever. Because it's only there as a drama point. The writers were tasked with adding a scene that said "Fiona is still into Steve and he still quite likes her but has moved on somewhat". So we end with the shot of Estefania on her knees in front of him. And actually it doesn't look like he's having fun, so I'm not sure what that whole thing is supposed to show. I mean, I know that the marriage thing was forced so maybe it's supposed to create ambiguity about what's going on. But overall it's a bit... Aaaarrrgghh. The only thing it confirms for sure is that Steve Will Return. In some way.

So then we have Frank. Not often I leave Frank for last...

I guess in this case it's not because it's my favourite plot or even the most significant one, but just because it felt like the most coherent and emotionally impactful.

I remembered Dottie and this plot so well that I sort of granted her extra space and thought she was in more episodes. Dottie made quite an impact on me in two episodes. 

This episode has lots of Frank being Frank. Ie a dick. He questions Dottie about her pension. When he finds out she's friends with Kermit and he helps her around the house, he goes to the alibi and warns Kermit off her, despite him saying they've been friends since childhood. 

And then when Jody asks Frank for his blessing to marry Karen, he steals Jody's engagement ring. 

Okay, so first... Jody asking Frank this is the height of nonsensical bullshit. He has barely spoken to Frank. I doubt Karen has given him a ringing endorsement? Sheila is mysteriously absent (aka Jane Cusack isn't in this episode). And all that is just addressing the "Frank as a parental figure" aspect of this bullshit, without addressing the absolute bollocks of asking parents for permission/blessing in the first place. But it means a lot to some people, so I'm going to just write that off as "it's bullshit but it does happen". (Even my own dear husband asked my parents, despite the fact I'd told him not to bother and they wouldn't care, and they, bless them, said "you wouldn't be the right person for her if you'd listen to what we had to say about it anyway". It's a bullshit tradition but I get why some people still do it.)

Frank stealing the ring is just more Frank being reprehensible and self-interested and a fucking asshole. Shrug.

Then he uses it to propose to Dottie. And being Frank the conman, he gives a wonderful impassioned speech about why they should get married. He doesn't lie about wanting the pension, and she absolutely calls bullshit when he says he's been busting his ass because "you've been here two weeks" so she's not completely won over. But his speech about keeping her memory alive wins her over enough to say yes. And I feel so sorry for her, because the point at which Frank looks good enough to marry is a sorry place to be. But I do get it. 

I think the reason this plot works is that she isn't completely sold on it. She doesn't fall over herself for Frank, and she never completely buys his bullshit. But she's lonely and he's there and being helpful, and he's not bad company when he's turning on the charm. And she doesn't think he can do any serious damage. Which is the part where the episode, and Frank take the early sinister turn. She knows he wants her money, but she doesn't believe he'd kill her for it. 

If she swooned over Frank, it would be hateful and unbelievable. It wouldn't have been as emotionally effective. But because she's sceptical and only trusting to a point, the fact that Frank manages to abuse even that limited trust is... Well horrific and gross and really fucking sad. 

She goes to take a shower, and it just so happens that that's the moment when her pager beeps. And Frank hears but she doesn't. And because he is the lowest asshole, he calls the number and finds that there might be a heart for Dottie! And so, Frank tells them that she's died. 

The fucker. The absolute reprehensible asshole. It's just murder. I'm not sure what charges could or would be brought if anyone found out, but it's just fucking murder. So fuck you, Frank.

There is another Alibi rant where Frank goes on about organ donation being unfair and why was Dottie next on the list? Because it ruined his long con. I think this rant is the outward projection of the tiny piece of Frank's conscience that is sorry he stopped Dottie getting that heart. Not sorry enough to do the right thing (and it was probably too late anyway) but sorry enough to rationalise and try and minimise the damage he did. Kev and the others suspect that the rant is something to do with Dottie but they aren't as awful as Frank so of course it wouldn't occur too them that he's just good as murdered a woman. 

But jokes on Frank because when he goes back to get married to Dottie, she has found out that a heart of her type has gone to someone else and it's likely to be six months before another one appears, and she's likely to be dead by then. So she's done waiting and done fighting and wants to go out fucking. Frank tries to talk her round, but it's ultimately hopeless and she tells him she knows he was playing her but her money is going to her daughter, because the reason their relationship was shitty was her fault. Dottie's regret there is just so real. Dottie is such a great character. She put so much into such a small role.

And actually this is one of the bits where Shameless really got it right. To make this plot work they could have dropped in a cardboard cutout but they did the work to make a person. Two episodes and she's more fleshed out than the main characters in some other shows I could mention. Ugh... This show! When it lands it really fucking lands, which I think is why it's so frustrating when the writing is lazy or a plot is half-arsed... Because WE KNOW THEY CAN DO IT. We know they can turn out gold, so it's galling when they dump a lump of badly painted sulphur on your lap.

Anyway. That said, going out while fucking Frank should not be on anyone's bucket list... But it's what she's got, I guess. So she offers him $2000 and the TV to fuck her to death. He baulks but the money is good enough, so he does it. And it seems like she enjoys it until the end... Frank kind of forgets himself until he rolls off and she's just... Staring. Gone. Poof.

And for all of how much I hate him, the acting is powerful and so nuanced and strong and this was a really poignant moment. She dies, he calls it in and takes the engagement ring back. And you see him genuinely sad for her. Not contrite or sorry for causing it, not in any meaningful way, but staring death in the face and feeling something about it. 

He's sorry enough to give Jody the engagement ring back, rather than sell it. Such a low fucking bar, but it was something. And Debbie comforts him and they share a little moment thinking about Death together. 

Followed by the little after credit scene of Frank lighting a candle for Dottie. He promised to do it every day, but I supremely doubt he bothers more than this once, especially as he ends his little prayer by stealing the collection box. 

Oof... I had more thoughts on that than I thought I did, it turns out. Season 2 was very much the awkward sophomore season; it was finding its feet in some ways but had to follow up on the successes of the first season. It's still uneven, still struggling in places. Still full of stupid cuts and too many scenes. Still rife with moments of punching down and ill-aimed humour. But so full of beautiful Gallagher moments and characters who are so real-seeming and brilliantly acted that there manage to paper over a lot of the cracks in the writing. 

And I only remember one of the plots that happens in the next episode (being "Fiona regrets the bad sex she had with her high school crush even more") so I get to enjoy figuring out the rest of what happens there!

[crip-writing-shit]

Dissecting Tomcat Disposables by Will Wood

this is so long and talks about god, Jesus, and major character death, seriously though it’s really long.

Tomcat disposables by will wood is a masterfully done sing about a mouse. The first verse introduces the mouse as a sentient intelligent being. The second verse starts making mouse easy to root for, the listeners get to hear habout mouses hopes and dreams for the future. Mouse is personified and is now more than intelligent but sentient and conscious. Third verse is the bridge, we hear mouse wonder about philosophy and the great beyond. We get a Jesus reference in “wine to water” and then reminded of the inevitable passage of time “life gets short our teeth grow long”. Mouse questions mouses role in the grand scheme of it and decides everything that happens is just nature. Fourth verse is our rootable character facing hardship with grit and determination. We fear for the mouses safety but mouse is determined and strong, in fifth verse mouse lives and all is right in the world. We get the bridge again and it feels very successful and happy. Seventh makes the mouse even more loveable as an optimistic being with dreams and a love of food. Eighth verse fills listeners with dread, fear and sadness as naive and childlike mouse starts feeling the effects of the poisoned food from what mouse thought was a friend. Ninth has mouse trying to live and just doing what feels right, there is not the songs usual energy we are used to, instead it feels slow and certain. Mouse dying feels inevitable but the previous verses leave the listeners with just enough hope that mouses death is truly heartbreaking. The mouse feels mouses death is unfair but comes to accept it as nature. tenth verse is modified bride, mouse again wonders about the world at large but also about if mouses death had meaning. Mouse holds no ill will despite being poisoned. Eleventh is again mouse questioning greater role and twelfth is deciding that there isn't one, it's just nature. All in all this song follows the steps, introduce a character, introduce characters hopes and dreams making character loveable, have character survive hardship to grow listeners attachment, kill character in most heartbreaking way ever. The mouse in this song may have been based on a real mouse but also beautifully encapsulates some struggles of marginales peoples, specifically disabled people who live knowing that they are viewed as lesser than and deserving of death for having a different brain and body.

I have mapped the cupboards and drawers Tracked the least-walked spots on the floor Happy to be home, safe and warm As shadows by their feet, the odd vanishing treat Quietly eating while they sleep Suggests intelligence, unknown motive

So here's where I'll be raising my kids If I can find someone to start a family with We start introducing mouses dreams, humanizing mouse Till then I dream of the day my odds and ends fit mouse is relatable and easy to empathize with I'll wake up, there'll be food on the stove forever This will become relevant later in the song, mouses main dream is comfort and food. And never want for more Mouse is very simple person, wants just food and hopes for love

Is there cheese in the great beyond? Mouse is even more human, thinking about existential things, hints toward themes of death later on. Cheese suggests more that mouse is a mouse Rinds of parmesan, wine to water, night from dawn Bible reference! Life gets shorter, teeth grow long The passage of time gets us all Mind me not and I'll mind my own, and my mind's Mouse just wants to be left alone tbh Not one bite smaller or lesser than yours My brain is different not less than, “bite” goes back to recurring theme of food “on stove” “in great beyond” Do I belong in "right and wrong?" Mouse questions ‘humanity’/ role in world and beyond Nature, I guess Acceptance and almost resignation

One night one flung light through this place The “one” implies one human/ being suggesting mouse is aware of others in house/ not being allowed there So I run for cover, over under, left the rind out on the plate Left food out (again food is big theme for mouse) Little heart racing and praying "something keep me safe Bible ref? Jk just general religion ref, makes mouse seem morally good. “little “ reminds listeners mouse is very small and also a rodent I think it saw my face, okay “It” reminds me of how humans talk about animals (especially those that are unwelcome) One hungry day is nothing, come what may" Grit and determination pt 1

But then winter came inside for three nights Mouse has concept of “inside” suggesting “outside” as well. Mouse knows of “winter” and that it belongs outside. I dont know why winter came in (it got cold) but i think about humans in the home leaving for three nights and turning the heat off ooorrr deliberately trying to kill mouse or get mouse to leave Left me grinding my teeth between my walls and gripping my dreams tight Again we mention dreams to remind listeners that we care for this mouse and mouses future and hopes Curled up kept my head up and put up the fight Grit and detirmination pt 2! Listeners feel relieved that song is suggesting mouse will live! Win for the good guys! I'll make it through again. I have before Mention of previous suffering, makes mouse even easier to root for Come on now, what's one more? Grit! And! Determination! Again referencing previous hardship and the survival of

Is there cheese in the great beyond? Rinds of parmesan, wine to water, night from dawn Life gets shorter, teeth grow long Mind me not and I'll mind my own, and my mind's Not one bite smaller or lesser than yours Do I belong in "right and wrong?" Nature, I guess This second time the bridge feels more determined and successful

Spring bloomed in the kitchen again Concept of “kitchen” and “spring” very smart mouse. So I crawled out of the wall and squinting “Crawled” reminds listeners again of mouses small and rodent like nature being a small rodent. “Squinting” suggest mouses eyes have become unused to the light after what for a mouse is a veryyyy long time. Saw hope on the stovetop just like I'd always imagined it Reference to previous dreams, food again, mouse is hopeful and so are listeners More than I could eat, my dreams were finally reality Dream ref! My struggles had a happy ending, they must want to be friends! Makes seem mouse childlike and cute, naive and optimistic, listeners are either very happy or full of dread. Both can be correct interpretations

My stomach starts to turn, with thirst, why does it hurt? Naivety in not knowing whats wrong “why does it hurt?” mouse thinks its thirst not posion. My just dessert is served again More food ref, “again” further implies previous suffering but can also be heard as “dig in”” suggesting mouses nature as a prey animal existing for others. . Why does the mouse think this is “just”? maybe the nature of mouse being a mouse means mouse deserves suffering. Mouse seems to think so.

And so I stumble back to bed “Stumble” mouse is not walking right, something is wrong. FEAR!!! Something's not quite right. Guess I'll just go rest my head “Something not quite right” Fear!!! Dread!! Mouse goes to rest head, humanizes mouse further. Heart is breaking for mouse Now as I lay me down to sleep “Lay me down to sleep” almost nurturing, mouse is tired and resigned to fate. Where did determination go? I expect no dreams, and no sweet goodbye to me Dream ref again but this time literal asleep dreams, “ no sweet goodbye” because mice are unloved because mice are different than the status quo/ dominant species (humans) Flatline in the morning light. I held on so tight for so long Passing away, mouse singing after death? Reference to mouses grit and how long mouse kept living It's just not right, let a sigh out as I close my eyes It's unfair that mouse worked so hard to live just to die. Mouse sighs and passes away. Resigned to fate Was that all there was to this? Was my life not something bigger? Where is the climax? Where are the dreams? What was all this for? What's for the best? Does my death serve some greater good? Should I not be part of the “greater” just because I'm different? What's up with that???

Is there cheese in the great beyond? Mouse will find out because mouse is dead What's the moon made of? Meet me there after I'm gone Ref to moon being made of cheese, “meet me there” on the moon, suggests non-traditional afterlife beliefs given previous religion mentions. Talking to listener? Human in house? Either way mouse seems to hold no ill-will Life gets shorter, teeth grow long Time passes Mind me not and I'll mind my own and my mind Leave me alone and i'll take care of myself Held the same light as the one in your eyes My life was not lesser than yours, my mind is not lesser than yours, i had a soul and hopes and dreams

Do I belong in "right and wrong?" “What's for the best?” again mouse wonders if mouse is part of the greater good, is mouse just a mouse? Does mouse have a greater purpose? Was mouses death worth something? For the better? One dies alone? And why? Don't know Mouse did not get a family, i don't understand what the “one” is referring to Goodbye. So long To mice in holes Can also be heard as “to mice in homes” or “to my sweet home” the first to being a goodbye to how the wor;d used to be, more friendly towards mice and almost symbiotic, the third interpretation is more specific to mouse and mouses hopes for the future of a home where odds and ends fit as well as mouses comfort in mouses current home and mouses knowledge of it “i have mapped the cupboard and drawers”

Nature, I guess Nature, I guess Nature, I guess Mouse wonders, is mouses death just nature, was it inevitable, or for the greater good? more resigantion from mouse which is heartbreaking after such grit and will to live. Mouse blames no one.

[lynne-monstr]

I finished love game in eastern fantasy and i have a lot of thoughts. spoilers ahead!

let's start with the good.

it's a fun cute show with lovable characters and it's easy to watch. also the opening theme song is a banger. i had a great time with it! the love story was cute and the visuals were fun (well except for the swimming through space scene that i giggled the whole way through because yeah.)

i enjoyed the main romance. the actor who plays mu sheng has so many great facial expressions and was a joy to watch. also i'm a sucker for a grumpy man falling in love with a sunshine lady and this show delivers on that trope. also, I want to wrap liu fuyi up in blankets because i love a stoic dude with a kind heart.

the kneeling and hair tying scenes made me go absolutely feral. yeah yeah that's the good stuff. it's about the tenderness it's about the intimacy it's about the fledging growing trust of a very prickly dude with mommy issues.

(bonus for the half demon sexy man look, they really knocked it out of the park with that one!)

omg the drunk scene between mu sheng and fuyi was one of my favorite things ever. in my heart they are bff now.

my main critique of the show was the the characters were basically swept from plot to plot with little consideration given to how the plot impacted them as characters. I wish the show had dug deeper.

miao miao declares her love for another man to the marquis and then in the next breath gets love whammied and absolutely no one thinks that's strange. (okay yes mu sheng did his frantic search for curses which was chefs kiss, but then that line of thinking just gets dropped.) and then the bracelet curse is broken and it's like the whole arc never happened. did any of her friends ever find out what actually happened to her???

mu yao plans not one but two suicide missions and no one says anything to her. even after the fox demon arc where she experienced her man dying in her arms, it's like having that experience just rolls off her.

the two antagonists (trash demon mom friend who tells kids it's their fault for being born and old reclusive master who solves problems with genocide) have a quick moment of oops I did a bad thing sorry and get immediately forgvien by the narrative.

okay anyway, getting to the part that made me want to write up this post in the first place. The Ending.

i really enjoyed the author plot twist and how it tied in to a bunch of little hints dropped throughout the story. (and I did kind of see it coming because of that! how satisfying!) but the actual ending left me a little frustrated.

in my ideal LGIEF ending, miao miao would "wake up" from her martial arts dream and instead of continuing to live a sad life where she's unhappy and has a job that walks all over her, she takes the experiences she had in the novel and stands up for herself. tbh having her not remember (is this the THIRD amnesia plot in the show, oh my) is a bit overdone at this point, so i'd have her keep her memories of her time in the novel. we know from her backstory that she's never had a problem standing up for others, but now she's learned to stand up for herself. give my girl some character growth as a result of her adventure! she stands up to her shitty boss and attends the book signing not just because she's supporting her favorite author but because she's determined to get back her man.

and then i would extend the ending by ten freaking seconds and GIVE US THE REACTION SHOT WE DESERVE. i cannot believe they ended it like that, betrayal betrayal! jail for show for one hundred years!

also i would include a shot of mu yao and fuyi in the real world because i love them and they are part of the bff polycule and deserve to be in the epilogue. what's the point of hammering home that they are an inseparable team of besties for life and then breaking them up.

anyway, all of this maybe makes it seems like i didn't enjoy the show, and that's not true. it's because i enjoyed it so much that i lament a lot of its lost potential.

if you're looking for a fun romp of a drama, I highly recommend this!

[muskmelon-enjoyer-199x]

CW: trauma and teen titan shipping under the cut

kinda the deep lore here but there was a point in my life where shipping teen titans characters was intensely important to me

the terra season destroyed my 8 year old brain. Like, I had cutesy dreams about this stuff for YEARS. It was so important to me. It was serious business (although I now have to question my choice of Terra x Beast Boy). My ships were everything to me.

I wish I could still have dreams like that. I have scary sexual dreams a lot of the time. Sometimes I wake up screaming or I thrash around hard enough that I need to be forcibly woken up. The best sleep I have is when I'm using drugs or I'm physically exhausted, because then I don't dream.

It's hard to remember the last time I had a dream that didn't involve nonconsensual sex, violence, or people in my life betraying me. It's been that way for many years. It's the same situations over and over, but with different faces each time. Sometimes the situations seem true to my memory but faceswapped, and sometimes they seem more like their own self-contained stories that hit the same themes.

I guess my brain is replaying traumas, but I don't really remember all the details of things so well. A lot of my worst memories are from when I was on antipsychotics (for mood swings and "gender identity disorder"), and those years are very blurry. I can't remember a lot of my childhood clearly anymore at all, and I've read that can happen on those meds.

I don't usually talk about that much because people act weird. They say everyone feels that way or assume you mean like television-style amnesia. It's different, though. It's like a there is a dense fog and I can't always organize my thoughts. I can remember a lot of events, but the details are very hazy. I can see things happening in my mind's eye, but I can't see the faces. I often remember up to a point, and then it's an abrupt cutoff. I can't remember any more after those cutoffs. It's weird!

The last not-awful dream i can remember is this one where I could move my arms and legs like I was swimming in the air, except I could only go up or down. I had to pogo in different directions to get around. In some ways, I'm free. I can explore the Y axis with few limitations, but at the cost of having my other movements limited. If I stop swimming while exploring the sky, I start dropping fast. It's scary, and I have to be careful and try to break my fall. Eventually, I hit the ground hard and wake up in a cold sweat. It used to be a frequent recurring dream for me, but not lately.

I never really thought about the meaning of it too much, but it is interesting now that I type it out. That's kinda how being trans feels. I can explore my own gender how I please, but with outside limitations. I can swim and swim and be free as a woman, but it's exhausting to maintain and dangerous not to maintain.

When I was reallt sick, I never had dreams. My body was too weak and I was always on the verge of passing out. That was one of the things I liked about it, though. It destroyed my libido and made me stop having dreams.

It makes me kind of sad to say that I have starved and self-medicated and exhausted myself on purpose to kill my own dreams. I wish it wasn't that way. I'm just so tired of night terrors. It is so hard not sleeping through the night, especially when I keep finding myself screaming or writhing around fighting nothing or walking up drowning in sweat or covered in piss.

I think my last therapist was right and that I need PTSD treatment, but I don't want to go. I don't trust the psychiatrists. I don't want them to offer me any more pills. I don't want anyone to try to pressure me into letting them beam magnets through my skull again. I don't want to do EMDR exercises. What if they break me more?

Im watching teen titans again. I want to feel like the little girl I was in the 2000s, when I was just a little boy that played with girls and got called faggot a lot.

Im so angry they gave her antipsychotics. What the fuck? They say they were trying their best to help and that was just the way things were handled at the time, but it feels fake. They just want me to get over it on command or pretend to be normal and successful. I don't feel better when my problems are downplayed or blamed on me, though. I just feel worse every time it happens, and I fall off the "mostly-functioning adult" wagon for weeks at a time when it's my mom saying it (again).

Idk. I really want to be the girl I was before everything happened. I desperately want to be her again. I would do all kinds of crazy and illegal things just to be her again and have a chance to grow up on my own terms. I want to be that little girl so badly, but I don't know how to feel that way ever again

I feel like I never fully grew up fully, but I also feel like I grew up really fast at the same time

I feel so alone all the time. I tell people about these things and sometimes the only people who really relate are the really messy trans women that doomscroll on imageboards.

What does that say about me?

Should I go to treatment and just hope they don't make me any messier?

It's such a mess

Sloppy typing. Sorry.

[cafecourage]

The Tree of Legacy - Chapter 1

Prologue - Next Chapter

Throughout life there has always been a gentle breeze that followed me. It was always leading me forward towards discoveries. It would often lead me to adventure and into trouble with my parents. However, the forest seems to be like a second home. More often than not the forest hides secrets for me to find. History of a time long past the Calamity that plagued the land 500 years ago. There was so much to discover even with the limited time I was given there was no way I could do everything.

Which is why when I awaken in a black void deprived of most senses. I was more than just worried. The gentle wind that ran past me did nothing to calm my nerves, it was leading me to somewhere but my body couldn’t follow. Everything felt so heavy. Despite having gone through this process time and time again, this part always lasts the longest. But I learned to not fight the dream.

After a minute I was able to open my eyes. I was on the soft ground and surrounding me was a vast forest of teal bioluminescent plants and lighting bugs. A small green fairy came into view. Slowly I lifted my still heavy arm to have the fairy land on my hand.

This was new.

The wind picked up trying to pull me to my feet. I didn’t like this dream. But from experience, I begrudgingly knew I had to go through the motions if I wanted to wake up.

A sigh left my body as I stayed on the forest floor for a moment longer before finally getting up. The fairy flew around my body before nuzzling me. I awkwardly held my hand near it to return the hug. She let go of me so I could follow where the wind was pulling me along.

Soon the Sky-view temple slowly came into view among the foliage. I wasn’t sure how I knew of this temple's name and with how many times I’ve been here there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that's what it was called. The Skyview Temple, echoed the dream around it, it was a forest type theme dungeon not that hard but not too easy. Stepping up the quartz staircase the door was already open and the wind was welcoming me inside.

The temple itself only had one floor, but it makes up for it with the huge size of its rooms. The beginning was contested by a small network of gloomy passages where luminescent plants and fungi grew. And a lot of its internal structure was like the outside, broken apart and in ruins. The puzzles themselves were simple enough to figure out. Mostly because I had to go through this dream ever since I turned 10. This was the only dream I have even had.

‘But why does it seem like something was different?’

I looked next to me where the fairy was as I thought this. One change to a plot line can lead into the butterfly effect. That concept was the very foundation of the theory on why Hyrule’s history got mixed up before the Hero of Wilds. The fairy noticed me stare and chimes in confusion. I just smiled and continued forward focusing on the task at hand. This last room houses a large chasm I have to crossover by walking across vines. Taking a deep breath like always settling nerves. I stepped onto the vine.

Taking it one step at a time.

Taking caution to look forward and not down if I could help it.

Making sure I kept a level head.

I was so close. Almost to the end.

‘Chime~!’

A breath caught in my throat as I flinched and lost balance. I was so close.

Reaching out I dug my fingers into the stone. Pain shot through my fingers into my arm. The wind slowed me down. Looking up I didn’t manage to fall that far.

Maybe 12 inches. Probably more. Most likely a lot more.

Not so bad. A lie to calm my brain down.

This is fine. It was not.

Climbing up had me thanking the goddesses for not letting me fall all the way to the bottom.

When I got to the top I flopped over onto my back. Finally letting out a sigh. The fairy fluttered over and let out a sad twinkle as to say sorry. I just ignored it and focused on catching myself. Thoughts swirled inside my head none which I could actually understand despite the one thinking it.

Butterfly effect huh?

If this was the thing that will stay consent in this dream now, I wouldn’t be too mad. I could learn not to flinch so much.

But that wasn’t the end of the temple. No, there was still the last room.

And Him...

I didn’t want to see him again. But there was little I could do in this situation. It was ether go to him or risk him coming to me. The latter I fear more.

Getting up from the ground once more for this dream, I went to the last door crouch down and lift it open. Letting the fairy go first and having the door close shut behind me.

The sound of the rushing waterfalls greeted me as I walked into the open-air room. Despite it being a spring there were trees growing in the deep dark waters. Pillars lined the walk away that ended a few feet away from the giant goddess statue towards the back which was framed in the middle of two grand waterfalls. In front of the statue was a man with his back turns towards me. A man that I have always seen in my dreams. I didn’t know his name, but he was blond and dressed in a green tunic, cream pants, brown boots, as well as a red scarf and golden shoulder armor. He had an authoritative aura to him. I couldn’t ever hear what he had to say to me but his posture and spirit alone put me on edge.

I paused mid step halfway on the path.

He wasn’t alone.

Why wasn’t he alone?

I look around. On each side of the man, facing me hovering above the spring, were nine other people, each with similar features. Yet, unique enough to tell them apart.

I knew these people. I had seen them before, in the corner of my eyes growing up. How are they here?

They’ve watched me grow as a person. Confusion always coming across their faces as they watched me coward away from them. They were supposed to be hallucinations.

Dreams from my teenage years never had them in it, only the man in the red scarf. Panic started to rise in my chest.

I didn’t know how, but I knew them. I somehow knew them more deeply than I can comprehend. Why they are here in front of me.

The wind hit me with so much force that I finally stumbled forward to the edge of the platform. For once the wind was pushing me towards something I did not want.

Questions of why, and how weren’t coming out.

Words failing.

I couldn’t breathe.

I wanted to wake up.

I can’t do this.

The man with the red scarf finally turned around. The platform beneath me was beginning to crumble causing me to lose my footing. His blue eyes piercing into my soul as I finally fell head first into the watery depths.

Darkness engulfing my vision.

Then I hear it.

A booming voice.

A voice that demands attention, authority, respect finally broke through to me after 15 years.

“So, you’ve finally decided to connect with my spirit?”

Link hits the wood floor gasping for air. That was not the start he wanted for today, but it was what he got. A special type of dread started to stir in his gut. Call it a sixth sense or just straight anxiety he wouldn’t really know. Link stayed on the floor of his bedroom fully aware that something will go wrong that day.

The man’s words echoed in Links ears.

Who was he? What spirit was Link supposed to be connecting with? Its not like he wasn’t already forced to see 11 other separate ghosts that he now realized weren’t hallucinations. He wasn’t the goddess chosen hero if that was what that one was implying. That person was already found. There weren’t any other people that had connecting spirits ether. Unless this was a new thing that Link didn't come across yet.

His head started to hurt.

He doesn’t really want to push his luck with Hylia today.

Deciding to stay on the floor for a few more minutes, Link tries to ground himself back in reality. He feels the sun on his face, it must have been warm out today. The dark oak floor was starting to warm up the room. The soft chatters of the morning started to rise in volume helping drown out the dread. Link started to make a mental list in his head of everything he had to do that day. There wasn’t necessarily much to do, however the two things he had on his plate this day were really big things.

One was his normal lecture that was starting in an hour and a half, it was a History of Hyrule’s Heroes coarse. In reality Link let’s his students have full control of the class and what they want to learn. Then almost immediately after he finishes up, he needs to meet Zelda at castle towns train station and head to the Serenne Station in the Tabantha Frontier to go take photos of the Forgotten Temple. There was something that was bothering Zelda about the old ruins and since Claus was out not coming back until later that night. So, the only other crazy person to go with her was Link.

With one last sigh. Link gets up from the floor and stretch’s his now sore back and neck. It was time to start the day.

It wasn’t that much of a walk to get to the Academy. Castle Town in itself wasn’t that big but it was still a bustling city, it was the main capital of Hyrule after all. Travelers and adventures alike come here for its history and legends while there are debates on which legends where real and which were made up is still up in the air.

One thing is certain.

When Hyrule is threaten a hero will rise up and defend the kingdom. The most recent Hero was 500 years ago. The Hero of the Wild sealed away the calamity known as Ganon away finally with his princess Zelda.

[dungeonbf]

hide, midnight, nightmare for sigge?:33

HIIII J squeezes you into slime, thank u for the ask!!!

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

oh man, rubs hands together... sigge, on a more lighthearted note, is sooo embarrassed about liking well-known, popular metal (megadeth, metallica, pantera, to name a few) and will go to extreme lengths to hide said interest for them. any mainstream merch he has is hidden deep in the recesses of his closet 💔 this is all because he spends 15 hours a day on metal circlejerk subreddits that inflame his belief that anything popular is Bad + his elitist tendencies... if he's wearing a megadeth shirt around you, it's a sign of incredibly deep trust, like he takes his elitism dead seriously. besides more surface-level stuff, his sexuality is also something he hides - not only from others, but himself as well. this is in part due to a pretty conservative upbringing, his parents being adamant that he find a nice girl and settle down, but also that he views his sexuality as emasculating - it's something he thinks he shouldn't be burdened with. i think in the first couple months we're together, he's very stiff and distant, because you know, "oh fuck. i'm with a man." ... eventually, though, he learns to come to terms with himself -- i don't think he'd ever be super like, vocal about his sexuality, even post-coming out. not in a repressed way any longer, but more like content & quiet acceptance. "yes, i am gay, yes i have a boyfriend, but that's not really anyone's business" is like his stance on it... 🤔🤔

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

i think he struggles to sleep in general, not necessarily to the point of insomnia but a lot of tossing and turning - a lot of time trying to fall asleep is spent ruminating on past encounters with people. i've said this before but he is ... incredibly arrogant and not very self-aware, so he stays up pondering why exactly people turn away from him :( sad little guy. along that same vein, he's afraid of loss - he can recognize that others aren't drawn to him (for whatever reason 🙄🙄) and thus, he's incredibly scared of losing the people he DOES have. makes him genuinely nauseous thinking about it and leads to a lot of sleepless nights. usually, his routine for combatting this fear is blowing up my phone with messages, ranging in levels of neediness, before eventually calling me enough times that i wake up and we chat for a bit, soothing his fear enough to sleep. (a more mundane fear of sigge's are spiders)

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

a lot of sigge's fears focus on, as I mentioned before, loss -- getting betrayed, abandonment, and similar themes definitely play a part in his nightmares. Alongside that, I think death, too, is a common experience in his nightmares -- not necessarily his own, but more like, finding the bodies of his loved ones and being unable to do anything to reverse it. While none of it is based in truth, it leaves him pretty shaken, covered in cold sweat. He mayyy divulge the details of whatever nightmare to my s/i, but it's brief and more of a mumbled groan. Usually, I think he'd be more comfortable just vaguely complaining about having "shitty dreams" and nesting against my s/i to help him fall back asleep. If sleeping against me isn't an option, he kinda gets up, paces around, and tries to write song lyrics inspired by his dreams. (Think "Deathcrush" by Mayhem type lyrics.)

[so-bitya]

okay, didn't get to talking about the show fooor a while now because I was trying to hold in all my complaints until it was over lol, but it's over now🎉yippee!🎉 so I can complain to my heart's content

so obviously there's some good parts, like the action (in episode 2), seeing everyone again with their upgraded designs ♥ (except Syrup big L), and having them dealing with adult issues, ok and now that's out of the way

-hype

the show wasn't meant to be some masterpiece but hoo boy that was kinda messy right? I really felt like the show writers weren't sure of where they were going with the show and so the execution felt lackluster. I definitely felt the show lost its momentum as it went on and the conclusion was simple to say the least.

The beginning started off quite nice. Seeing Nozomi have issues as an adult over expending herself for her student and failing. I liked how the show brought up divorce, a problem without a easy solution. I thought a major theme of the show was gonna be about the difficulties of being an adult and the life you dreamed of not turning out the way you want? And it would have been so good but instead took a left turn and make it about pollution like??

It felt so forced and genuinely less impactful, because how did the girls contribute to pollution?? what did this have to do with them becoming adults??? Depression works just fine! and having the monsters come from human misery just makes more sense? (didnt that happen anyway in episode 5 while hearing nozomi's and coco's insecurities?) but instead I gotta deal with this angel freak attacking people out the random and im supposed to take her seriously like ok.

and is it just me or was the time theme just thrown in there too? It didn't really feel like the girls were focused on the past that much. I thought the girls were going to deal with clinging to the past, lost time, and the pains of growing up? which would have more poignant then nozomi randomly fainting for a week and waking up just fine.

overall the beginning showed a lot of promise but it really didn't deliver as it went on. and no I didn't expect them to do something new?? but just stay in line with the themes they had, really felt like they tossed the whole adult precure concept out the window.

-action

ohhh my gosh the fight scenes?? they were so dull, like I was counting the amount of times they animated the girls actually hit something (it wasn't much) which is so disappointing because episode 2 Nozomi had such great action. she was beating up the villains with blood and gore it was insane, but now we got this like....

most of the show reused these cgi goons with bland designs, and we completely lost the monster of the week concept, so the monsters didn't feel like they were in harmony with the girls issues. The final boss was okay i guess, but yeah it really showed the lack of budget if they couldn't even animate most of the fights for the show.

-teamwork

and the biggest thing that bothers me is the lack of teamwork? like, this is a magical girl team show, why are they solving their problems individually?? Where's the friendship? Where's the love?? At most you get an episode of one girl helping another, but that's like two on screen max and that's so sad?

Why did Komachi help Saki off-screen? Why didn't they spend time baking with each other? Why didn't Rin have a convo with Nozomi? Why are all these fun, sweet moments being passed up? like they have their weekly drink parties, but they honestly feel like meetings. Especially if this is how they're acting after not being in contact for years?? What about a party, a huge sleep over and they all get blasted and have to deal with hangover the next day, like what about fun??

I dunno I felt sad watching uraras episode, which yes it was good and it was very nice to see her reconnect with Syrup, but then I remember the past urara episodes and the girls were always there supporting her. They showed up at her work, delivered her scripts, and sang her a "we love you urara" song with choreo and everything?? What happened to that team? they don't even notice or care? It all just feels so lonesome and humorless which is honestly the most disappointing part.

-romance

like what was the point. Why did coco need an apartment? boy can turn himself into a plushie, was him living with nozomi too raunchy? all for a romcom situation we never saw, which would've been great for them learning how to live like a couple??

the romance just felt so divorced from the rest of the story and unnecessary at times. And it wouldn't have been so bad if they let their personalities shine? Like why not focus on that Nozomi was inspired by Coco and how he feels about her being a teacher? (instead of stalking her 💀)

Or what about Nuts and Komachi? He was her editor before, he has nothing to say to her now that she's an accomplished writer? They were all friends before, let it show! Who cares if it was romantic of not? Why wouldn't all the girls be excited to see Coco and Nuts too? Why wouldn't Urara and Syrup still stay in contact (but he has time to deliver Nozomi's love letters?) No big reunion party?? WHY DID NO ONE STAY IN CONTACT WITH EACH OTHER????

It's the same issue the yes 5 shows had with romance, especially with Coco/Nozomi, bending itself around for melodrama. the reason no one else kept in contact with each other, was to build up coco and nozomi. the reason the time flower drama existed was for coco and nozomi.

I feel like im being harsh, but I just can see it being better executed. Or not even! Just something more substantially that fit the themes of them growing up. Like why bring up all those issues of marriage if they weren't going to solve them on screen! Or i dunno, break up and move on with life!

(sorry for the splash girlies, who had their duo come back only to have their stories revolve around two guys that never show up 💀)

[dufferpuffer]

(Note: idk the characters OP mentions or what they are from, I wanted to talk about peoples reaction to disability rep in general)

I think it's fantastic when non-disabled people talk positively about disabled characters, even if they do it a little clumsily (though not in the face of disabled people critiquing it... yeesh...) Just like with other marginalized groups. eg: we can be happy about having more PoC characters... even if we might not fully understand the nuances in their representation. We can be taught about that nuance by those who do understand - and that's how we learn to understand better. That's awesome.

The thing that's annoying, as OP describes, is that - especially for disability representation - existence seems to be the bar for entry. They see a prosthetic and go 'Wowee! Good enough :)'

Maybe existing can pass as 'good representation' for some things - like race, gender or sexual orientation (arguably - important: it depends on the particular media) But that doesn't really work for disability.

Depending on the setting and themes of a narrative, being a different race, gender or orientation doesn't alter how you can live. Having a disability, by definition, DOES alter how you live.

Example: Innocent little kids show, where a bunch of kids go on adventures together, doesn't need to display topics like racism, homophobia, transphobia etc. to be good representation. The kids can just exist the same as everyone else - just existing is enough.

But a disabled kid HAS to be disabled. Their life has to be shown as altered in unique ways - otherwise it risks being harmful. It doesn't need to be anything big, or sad, or the topic of an episode... Infact it's often better when it isn't.

+ Have a character wake their friend up early, knocking on her window - she says 'Wait! Let me get my leg on!!' + They go swimming - and she takes her leg off to swim. + It gets really muddy, so she gets a piggy-back from a friend so she doesn't get her leg stuck. + Or it DOES get stuck and someone pulls it out for her. + She's training for a race and she switches her leg to a running one. + Maybe she isn't in an episode - the other characters can't rely on her skills to solve an issue, because its Physical Therapy day.

You don't need to draw attention to it, she doesn't need to suffer - but she has to be different. She has to live with different worries. She can't just be the exact same as everyone else, because she isn't like everyone else. That's what being disabled means.

If she just does everything everyone else does, with no thought put into the fact she has a fake leg other than 'one of her legs is blue'... you are teaching that disabled people don't live differently. But we DO. We HAVE to. A little kid seeing a character never put any thought into the things they need to worry about doesn't feel GOOD. It feels WORSE.

People of minority racial groups, and people of differing identities, dream of a world where that doesn't matter, they can be the same. Disabled people don't get that dream. Having a leg re-grown...? God, even thinking about the physical therapy, training to walk again... It would just be nice if there was more understanding, more facilities and support, that some of us need to live different lives.

...I am not an amputee. My digestive organs are all messed up - and I have PTSD. That is a very different experience to being an amputee. But I can talk about what I think is good or bad representation, even if it might be clumsy sometimes, because: I understand that good disability representation is in how the character is affected by their disability, not by just existing.

And that's what I would want to share with any non-disabled person who feels excitement seeing a disabled character: think about how it affects their life. Think about the choices they make because of it.

Toph from Avatar isn't 'cool disability representation' because her blindness is accurate or realistic. It isn't. It's fantasy blindness. It's cool because she has to live differently. She uses her bending to super-power 'see' - but not in water, or sand, or for flying things... There is no 'fix' that gives her sight back. Only tools to help. ''How does blindness affect how she can live'' has been considered.

So... you have a character 'you didn't even notice had a prosthetic'. Is there no way in which she is shown to act or think differently because of it...? That's not particularly good representation. There can still be cool parts of it that are worthwhile representation, like an interesting history, or design, or function... ...but she isn't disabled unless she is disabled. Yknow...?

I really wish non-disabled folks would stop commenting on weather or not something is good disability rep, especially when people with those disabilities are critiquing the specific things these folks are bringing up as examples of why the character is so good.

I swear, if I hear one more person say "I didn't even realise Neve was an amputee, that's such good representation!" I'm going to scream lol.

Also just to clarify, I don't think Neve is bad, my feelings on her from a disability representation stance are more complicated, but her disability having such a small impact on her that a shocking number of players said they didnt even notice it until she tells you how she lost her leg is NOT what makes her good. "You cant even tell she's disabled" is not a flex. We've talked about this. Twice.

Same goes for the inquisitor and Hezencost but they're pretty minor characters so I'm seeing less of it there.