#the support of my friends was the last push i needed before research

[bbb-bbbbbbb]

reveal of my gordon hlvrai costume project, now that about half of it is done! this is cardstock and glue and tape and more glue and paint and velcro. and 2 gloves (one hand-sewn)

i got started sometime in early-mid fall, but i committed to making it work with cardstock in january- it was originally meant to be a sizing test before construction with eva foam over the summer. then i realized how expensive thatd be, too much pressure for a form of craft ive never practiced. im pretty amazed with how its come together, even with the large seams! during that whole time when it was unpainted (started painting two weeks ago) there was no way to tell

[eros7hanatos]

If your requests are open can I get a smutshot with akademiya dottore x afab reader ?

A/N: I hope you like it! Also i found this really cute fanart so I just wanted to show it Akademiya!Dottore x afab!reader Warnings: sort of manipulative Dottore, unprotected sex, creampie, oral (reader giving), slight exhibitionism, porn with some plot, established relationship, not proofread word count: 1.16k art creds: kradebii

“Hey, you alright?” you ask as you walk over to Dottore sitting in the corner of the House of Daena. The whole way here, you had heard hushed whispers and rumors about how Dottore had gotten kicked out of the House of Daena so seeing his light blue hair in the corner surprised you. It was already very late, with only 2 or 3 people left inside. “Today is my last day in this place. The largest library in Teyvat… Those fucking higher ups think they can chase me away, I’ll show them.” he mutters to himself as you sigh and wrap your arms around him, feeling his cold body on your skin. You both had met here, studying in the Akademiya, in this very library, making small talk then sharing studies and research papers, and before you knew it, you were a couple. However being in a relationship didn’t change much from being friends, he was still most busy with his research and you were fine with that, in the end he would come home to your open arms, or legs.

“Show them who’s boss, babe.” you said, letting go of him to sit by his side, intertwining your hand on his. Your mindset had almost completely changed from when you first met him, the result of discussing almost every topic with him everyday. 

“I will, but right now I’m fucking stressed, racking my brain for the best way of payback..” he trailed off, squeezing his nosebridge and sighing. You sighed along with him, pitying him and trying to think of something, anything, to help. Suddenly, you felt his large warm hands on your waist, his face buried in the crook of your neck. 

“I need your help, darling~ Help me relax.” he whispers in your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine before nibbling on your ear and pulling away, a sly smirk on his face. You’re about to agree as you then remember where you are, the library, even if there were less people here, the number wasn’t zero. You could get caught and the both of you thrown out of the Akademiya instantly. “H-here? I can help you when we’re back home, but here? Someone might catch us-” he cuts you off with a kiss, shutting you up as he slips his tongue inside you, relishing in your muffled moans and how your face flushed. He nibbled your lower lip before letting you go, licking his lips as he watches your angry expression. “It’s my last day in here, the last memory I want of this place is fucking you on the table.” ‘he’s crazy..no way we’re doing that here…’ you think, but your actions are the exact opposite as your thoughts as you soon find yourself accommodating your jaw to fit his whole length in your mouth. 

Breathy sighs leave his mouth as you bob your head up and down, your tongue coating his entire length with your spit and saliva. Your thighs rub together tightly as you feel your panties slowly becoming wetter.

“Need more.” is all he says before he grabs both sides of your head and pushes your head into him, your the tip of your nose reaching his pubes as he lets out a strangled moan, growling as he fucks your throat with an animalistic pace, his cockhead hitting the back of your throat every thrust, causing you to gag. Your gags edges him closer to his orgasm, your wet and warm throat pulsating around his length. With a few more sloppy and slow thrusts you taste warm and bittersweet, thick semen in your mouth. He looks at you with eyes full of lust, pulling out to smear his cum on your lips as you lick them up.

“What a good girl you are~” he praises you as his expression then darkens. “Those fucking hypocrites, saying they support all research when they’re clearly trying to kick me out just because of my research.” he scowls as his large hands are placed on your hips, lifting you up to sit on the table, a bookshelf in front of the table, a good hiding spot. He pushes you down, your back hitting the cold wood as he lifts your skirt, revealing your now very wet panties as he simply pushes the flimsy fabric to the side.

“W-wait D-Dottore- Hhmp!” you say as you suppress a moan when one of his fingers enters you. He’s going rougher than usual, more impatient as well as he shoves a second finger in your drenching cunt. You slap your mouth shut, trying your best to not make a single noise, not even able to tell Dottore to slow down or to stop. “Don’t you love me, darling? If you do then you’ll let me release my stress.” he coos, his breath hot and heavy next to your ears as he licks it. You nod, absolutely in love with him, you wouldn’t get caught, it was such a small possibility, there’s no way that anyone would come to this specific corner. He lets out a breathy sigh as his fingers leave your cunt, leaving you empty for only a split second before thrusting his whole length into you. You let out a whine as Dottore pulls your hair, hissing at your sound. 

“Be quiet, I don’t want anyone ruining this moment.” He thrusts into you, this time particularly deep and harsh as you grasp your mouth tightly, your nails digging into your cheeks. “First, my hometown.” he says, thrusting even deeper as you feel his cockhead poke your womb. “Now, the House of Daena.” another harsh thrust, tears falling down your cheeks as your back arched on the wooden table. “What’s next? The Akademiya?” Your slightly open eyes look at him, those fierce red eyes hidden behind his blue hair, teeth gritting and eyebrows closely knitted together. 

“P-please, D-Dottore..” you beg, whispering as you let go of your hands for a split second, feeling that coiling feeling in your lower abdomen, “P-please let me come, p-p-pleasee.” you whine, trying to keep your voice as low as possible as he grunts, lips curving up into a smirk. “Of course, darling~” he said, his hand snaking up to your clit to harshly rub it in circles, his thumb abusing it as your orgasm hits you like a train, causing you to see stars and come around his cock, your walls clenching and helping him reach his own high. Within a few thrusts and your legs shaking and squirming from overstimulation, he came, flooding your insides with a familiar warmth, you cunt sucking him dry, afraid that if a single drop were to spill on the table then you would get caught. You pant, your breath shaky as his body falls onto you, his chest heaving up and down. Now whenever you enter the House of Daena, that will be the first thing you think of. You weren’t complaining though.

[razziematazz]

my stobotnik omegaverse thoughts

ask and you shall receive, as i am nothing if not responsive to the people. and apparently, this is what the people want! nsfw warning but only if ur chronically online tbh

so, starting off with some context: it’s 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 time. be warned pt 2. bc that’s actually what my friend and i were discussing LMAOOO. the whole conversation was kickstarted by them sending me a drawing of stone flushed due to a fever in which everyone in the replies were saying “damn he’s in heat”, right? but the artist was like “GUYS HES NOT IN HEAT HES SICK”

and my response was “hes sick because he isn’t being knotted actually. Soon that will be fixed.”

but then i was like… Wait. bc to me, they’re both alphas … bc….

yes, stone follows robotniks every command, and he is ECSTATIC doing it! we all agree on this!!!

but but BUT…. if you’ve seen my other posts, you’ll know that i am an AVID supporter of the idea that stone was a top of the line, best of the best field agent before working for robotnik. i believe he has killed before robotnik, but SINCE working for robotnik?

he never took any sort of pleasure when he had to kill before. it was just a necessary evil. but now that he’s got something to protect? someone of his own?? he has killed for robotnik without a second thought and would kill for him again in a heartbeat. and he has lowkey enjoyed it, knowing he’s the one saving the doctor

he’s like those pictures of wolves with watermelons on their heads and etc . of tigers laying in cardboard boxes

he follows robotniks orders and follows them well because he WANTS to fiercely protect robotnik, fulfill all of his needs, and ensure his happiness at all costs, no matter if it’s shooting someone point blank or dealing with robotniks hand dragging him around by the inside of his mouth

(he likes that last one, actually.)

robotnik is just an alpha. idc. he’s literally the stereotype: taller, important, impressive facial hair, a loud and extremely confident asshole

i just feel it in my bones sorry for very little elaboration, besides how he also loves pushing people around

(in contexts other than this, however, i’ll also accept him being a beta tho. solely bc i think him proving that he’s a valuable genius despite not being anything biologically special is a good idea too)

and then i remembered this wonderful thing called bitching! and this wonderful thought that hey actually…. stone went So Hard caring for robotnik, he started becoming lowkey like a feral omega. but obviously, that can’t be EVERYTHING.

it, alongside the fact that he’s been (shamefully) wondering about robotniks knot since like less than a year into working for him, is REALLYYY getting to stone.

and finally, after some plot- perhaps around the time robotnik is recovering in the crab, where stones caretaking instincts are going haywire?- stone gets a taste of that knot !!!!

and then another. and then another. and then about a decades worth more. and what do you know? he and robotnik spedrun bitching at 100%, emotionally and physically

also, i just want you to know that during this revelation, my friend was researching if you can get sick from being too horny irl. (sex improves immune system functions is the answer)

and then this friend, word for word, spat out this wonderful idea: “bitch Stone with a 24/7 piston fuck machine w/ orgasm denial/chastity cage WHAT WHO SAID THAT”

AND HELL YEAH BROTHER

And honestly?? i’d like to add on…….

stone found the blueprints for it when he was trying to save as much as possible from robotniks lab, between the first and second movies. maybe it was even somewhere hidden among the manifesto, deep in some code stone would’ve normally missed. (if he built it at home to use whenever he was especially missing the doctor, that’s between him, the beginning of the bitching, and god)

anyways. if anyone wants to write smthn based on this. FEEL FREEEEEEEEEE just tag me pls!!!!!!

[thenightfolknetwork]

Hello. I'm, um, not entirely sure how to talk about this. I hope it's okay if I misspeak. I'm a human, right, so I think that needs to be clear more than anything, but I've been very involved in the creature community for years now. I live by a great big lake and I always liked to walk down the shore late at night or early in the morning, you know, just to try and get out of my own head, and one night ages ago I accidentally tripped over someone's jacket and twisted my ankle. It was a gorgeous fur jacket, too, not like any kind of fur I'd seen in a jacket before, but just stunningly soft and thick as Hell.

Now, of course I didn't take it, that'd be awful, but also I had just hurt myself in kind of a nasty way and so it wasn't like I had anything else to do but sit by the shore next to the jacket and waited, and yeah, a few hours later one of the lake seals popped its head out of the water, looked at me for a good long while, and then...well, I mean, you know how the rest of the story goes, I'm sure.

Anyway, it's been a few years now and I've become really close to this family. I didn't really know anyone in my town before meeting them and I'm not on speaking terms with my own folks, so in a lot of ways these people have become my family, and it's an honor that they trust me to keep guard of their cloaks and such when they go out. But I've got this problem, right, and it's just...over the years it's felt less and less like I fit in with other humans. All my friends are nightfolk now, my family hates me even more because they're bigots--in this night and age, can you fucking believe it--and it's just like every night I get further and further away from the shore.

I'm just scared because...I don't *want* to stop drifting away. I've had dreams of joining them down there in the lake, practically every night for months on end. I've tried doing research into methods of joining the community but I don't want to become a vampire, I don't fancy any lunar-aligned nonsense, nothing has felt right except selkies, but I can't decide if I'm just self aware enough that I need a push from an outside viewer to try and accept something I already know full well...or if no, actually, that little voice in my stupid head that won't go away that keeps calling me a fraud, an invader, an appropriator--what if the reason it's not going away is because it's right and I really don't belong?

Just...please be honest with me. Am I a complete asshole for spending hours every day trying not to just outright beg my family--sorry, chosen family--to help me sew myself a cloak, or is there something to this?

First of all, reader, please rest assured. As long as you are speaking from a place of kindness and a willingness to learn, you don't need to worry about using all the correct terminology. I always try to listen generously when people come to me in need, and I encourage our followers to do the same.

Unfortunately I can well believe that bigots like your biological relatives still exist. I'm glad you've been able to extract yourself from their hateful society, and have found comfort, support and kinship among the nightfolk.

You say there is a little voice in your head calling you a fraud, casting doubt on the validity of your feelings. As much as you might want to push it away and stop your ears, I want you to listen to that voice, just for a little while. Pay attention to the language it uses and what ideas it seems to have about the world.

And then ask yourself: is this my voice? Does that sound like me? Or does this sound like a last, desperate, wriggling remnant of the people I've worked so hard to distance myself from?

Every one of us is raised with a narrative, a story about the world and our place in it, and how we should treat the people around us. We're told that story by our parents, by our teachers and schoolmates, by television and books and a million other sources. The story is so vast and so all-encompassing, it takes an enormous effort to be able to see any single part of it clearly.

Imagine, then, how hard we have to work to realise some of that story is untrue, or harmful, fed by hatred and fear. To start untangling ourselves from the rotting, strangling roots of the story we've known all our lives, and start planting something new and fresh and honest.

It sounds to me like this little voice is one of those lingering strands of the story you were raised with – one where liminality is nothing to admire or strive for, and where you cannot be trusted to know your own mind, and your own needs. It's time to tell yourself a better story.

You've found people who honour you with their trust and who make you feel supported and loved, as you deserve. You admire them, and want to be like them. None of this sounds “stupid” to me.

This is not a decision to be taken lightly. By all means, take your time, and talk your feelings through with your family. But I think you already know what story you want for yourself, reader – and for what it's worth, I think the world will be better for its telling.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[pink-tonic]

Lock

Description: After a sudden death at Akademi High, the students are given a short break. Once they come back, everything seems normal, but that isn't fully the case.

The leader of the Newspaper Club and childhood friend of Ayato Aishi, (Y/N) (L/N), is trying to get to the bottom of the death and putting a stop to any future tragedies.

But with the added obstacles of admirers and strained relationships, will he be able to complete this goal before anyone else is killed?

(Ayato Aishi, Taeko Yamada, and various male rivals x male reader)

Warnings: Yandere themes (Stalking, obsessiveness, Killing, unhealthy relationships), death, sexual harassment, bullying, graphic depictions of violence, and mentions of blood

(These themes won't be present in every chapter, but I'll make sure to put a warning before the start if they do show up)

Additional Notes: To get something out the way, I DON'T support Yandere Dev at all. I find his actions to be horrible, but I just didn't have the heart to trash this story. This is my most planned story, and I just don't want to get rid of it because of someone's actions. I hope you understand.

This story has an alternating POV between (Y/N) and Ayato. Each chapter will have a newspaper or a knife emoji. The newspaper is for your POV and the knife is for Ayato's POV

Chapters

Prologue📰

Prologue🔪

The First Day📰

Day One🔪

A Week In📰

Week One🔪

Come Get Your Paper!📰

Set the Plan Into Motion🔪

The False Letter📰

Can This Be Called a Success?🔪

What to Do?📰

New Week and a New Face📰

Time to go Back🔪

It Haunts Me📰

Moving On🔪

Hostage Mission🔪

Odd📰

What's the Hold Up?🔪

A New Week and a New Treat🔪

Answer to the Problem🔪

Outcome🔪

Did You Hear?📰

A New Week and New Drama🔪

I'm Not Made for That!📰

The Plan is Happening Now?🔪

This is How You Do It🔪

Another Letter?📰

Give Him This🔪

In Love?📰

Failure🔪

A New Week, a New Oddity📰

Stalker Stalking Another Stalker🔪

Picture Perfect for Me🔪

The Feeling That Stays📰

What's Going On?📰

Do What You Have to Do🔪

It's Over🔪

Guilt📰

A New Week and a New Realization🔪

Eye-Catching📰

No Explanation🔪

Missing📰

Who Needed You Anyway?🔪

Swim to Your Heart's Content🔪

Too Much📰

Realization🔪

New Week and a New Nurse📰

A New Start?🔪

Pushing the Line🔪

Interesting...📰

Watch Your Back, Kana🔪

A Break Would be Nice📰

What to Do?🔪

Where is He...?📰

Suspicious📰

Murmurs🔪

Pick-up🔪

A New Week and a New Teacher📰

Getting a Little Too Close, Aren't We?🔪

How Could it be You?📰

The Plan is Set📰

Your Fate is in my hands🔪

The Awaited Downfall📰

A New Week, New Trouble📰

Another Plan Must be Made🔪

A Little Change Never Hurt Nobody🔪

You're Oddly Sweet📰

A Step in the Right Direction🔪

Drama Kings📰

The Night of a Dozen Delinquents🔪

Peaceful Night is Gone📰

New Week, New Student📰

Last One... Right?🔪

Four is One Too Many📰

Dirty Tricks do Get You Somewhere📰

Day Off With You📰

New Week, New Renovations📰

Rapid Research🔪

Watcher📰

Forgotten Saikou🔪

Make You Look Good📰

One Last Time🔪

[foundedroses]

☾. ࿐࿔ 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Pairing: Kirumi tojo x korekiyo shinguji

Plot: being a maid meant that Kirumi had many rules and protocols that she had to follow, but maybe she’ll exempt her terms on one condition.

Cw: smut mdni, blow jobs, oral sex, mentioning of cum, dry humping, master!servant relationship, pet names like “dear, darling” all that jazz, using the word “good girl” maybe more than once, just general filth. 

Wc: 2.7k

a/n: confession time!Kirukiyo has always been one of my fav v3 ships, the biggest hyperfixation of mine. I can yap about their dynamic for HOURS! I may or may not have written a 15k smut piece for the two of them like a year ago…

─── ⋆⋅ 𓉸 ⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ 𓉸 ⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ 𓉸

Working late at night would often be considered an inconvenience to most people. But to Kirumi it would be considered as a convenience. She had no problem working late at night, or even working until the earlier hours of the morning. Working hard was something that was relaxing to her, even calming some may say. 

Kirumi felt pleasure in giving her help and assistance to her friends; it was what gave her joy. Giving her help to others was what truly made her feel needed and wanted. 

She was accustomed to giving out any type of help or service that her friends and others needed. As long as they were happy, that was all it would take to keep Kirumi content. But there were some services that she refused to give or offer, ones that were pretty self explanatory. And those were intimate services. They were one of the services the maid would not offer, even to those she truly loved deeply. 

It was Kirumi’s deviation as a maid not to offer such a lewd request. But that was her deviation, not anymore. 

Slam. 

Kirumi slammed the washing machine door shut. She pressed a few of the lighten buttons on the machine and the clothing started to spin inside the washer. 

She bent down and picked up the laundry basket and tucked it against her hip with one arm. Doing others’ laundry was one of Kirumi’s daily tasks, which she did not mind at all; that is what gave her happiness and fulfilled her strive to help others. 

Kirumi left the laundry room and began to walk down the almost silent halls of the school. 

Still trapped in that retchat school. 

It felt like centuries, being locked up in that place. For as long as her and the other 15 students were trapped in that school, it was starting to almost feel like home to them. 

As much as Kirumi hated her freedom being stolen away by a killer bear, she couldn’t complain. She got more chores done within the school grounds than she did when she was with her last employer. Her master. 

Her last master made her feel wanted. She’d spend countless days and hours serving her master. She’d offer her abundance of her support towards their novels they’d spend hours writing, managing to publish a new novel every month or so. 

Her master would often tell her that they never had such a content maid before, and all that she did meant everything to them. 

That is what fulfilled Kirumi the most. Serving others and giving them what they truly wanted. Being with her last master proved to her that her service is all that she needed to commit to. 

As soon as Kirumi stopped reminiscing about her past, she came to a halt. Facing the closed wooden door to the dining area of the school. She had been walking the wrong way, being far too caught up in her maladaptive daydreams. 

The ash haired woman let out a small sigh of annoyance, realising she had been walking the wrong way and turned around on her heels, heading in the direct direction of her research lab.

The door of Kirumi’s research lab creaked open and she pushed her way inside. She walked in and set down the washing basket on the floor beside the door. She exhaled softly and strided inside. 

Her research lab was pretty much an 18th century manor. From the furniture, to the wallpaper, all of her lab was basically pulled straight out of an english mystery novel. 

The lab basically complemented Kirumi’s unique style and taste in fashion. 

Only because Kirumi had finished her daily tasks; that didn’t mean that she was done for the day. There were still several chores that had to be done around to keep the school in the orderly order that she preferred. 

Just as the woman was about to head out of her lab, the door creaked open. The sound of the metal railing scraping against the door made Kirumi cringe. She glanced across to the doorway as she saw a tall figure open the door. 

Kirumi, who was more relieved it wasn’t Kokichi opening the door to come ask her to be his mother for the millionth time, she sighed as she noticed that it was only Korekiyo, who just so helped himself into her lab. “Hello, Kiyo. I assume that you have a request for me?” She spoke in a soft and shallow tone, her voice remaining the same sympathetic tune as usual.

“Kirumi…not at all.” Kiyo said to her, sounding just as soft spoken as he always did. He slowly pulled closed the door and made his way into her lab, almost as if he had free real estate. ‘I simply came to see how you were doing.’

“To see how I was doing?” Kirumi raised an eyebrow and said; “Hm? Is there anything you would like me to do for you?” She sounded almost programmed, as if she was an AI, coded to ask the same questions over and over again in a continuous loop of asking. 

“Kehehe…Oh, Kirumi.” Kiyo chuckled, if it were anyone else to make the sound that left his mouth, it’d sound almost creepy. But as it was Korekiyo himself, it sounded quite normal. ‘While we are here…I was curious…do you accept any sort of request?’

“Any sort of requests?” Tilting her head, Kirumi replied in a gentle voice. “Well, that does depend on what you are referring to.” She lowered her voice to a more cautious tone. ‘What are you referring to?’

Kiyo looked at the woman in almost silence. “I was wondering to know if you take more…suggestive requests.” He uttered before walking closer to her, almost as if he were implying something heavily to her. 

It didn’t take Kirumi long to understand exactly what Kiyo was asking from her. She let out an irritated sigh and crossed her arms over her chest. “I do make it quite clear that I do not prefer intimate requests.” She stood firm. ‘Now, if there isn’t anything you ask for, then please-’

Kirumi was quickly silenced with a firm kiss to her lips. Her eyes went wide and she stumbled backwards a little. What was happening?

Kiyo slowly pulled away, red lipstick smeared across the woman’s lips. He gently wiped the bright make up from her lips and stared into her eyes with his. “Now…will you be able to take this request of mine?” He lightly tapped her side with one hand, that hand making its way down onto her waist and onto her hip. 

A pink blush spread across Kirumi’s cheeks. She knew it was in her protocols not to give and accept sexual services from her clients and askers. But with the way Kiyo was glaring down at her, his narrowed eyes piercing into hers…she knew she couldn’t knock back this one. 

Kirumi softly let out a sigh, nodding her head slowly. “Yes…I can.”

Although you wouldn’t be able to tell through the mask covering half his face, Kiyo seemed to have an almost sneering expression reflecting his eyes. He took her hand in his, pulling her closer until her chest collided with his, causing her to stumble a little bit. With one hand, he pulled down his face mask and started to gently pepper small kisses along her neck and jawline. 

An almost silent gasp escaped the woman’s mouth, clutching her hand onto the man’s shoulder as he left faint, loving kisses against her soft skin. The small love bites left her in almost awe, her eyelashes fluttering, threatening to close off her sight as she succumbed to his act of affection. Kirumi softly exhaled, snaking her arms around his neck and drawing her body closer to his. 

Kiyo grasped both hands onto her waist, slowly taking his lips off her neck. He gazed upon her, his hands stroking down her hips slowly and sensually. His eyes reflected with lust and with that, he took her by the hand. With pristine carefulness, he took a few steps backwards to the dining table that was planted in the middle of the research lab; he sat down on one of the wooden chairs pulled out at the head of the table, still holding the woman’s hand in his. 

“My dear Kiumi….” He mustered his words seducingly, his voice slipped into a sultry whisper. ‘I would like to lower onto your knees…can you do that for me?’

It was unprofessional, and Kirumi knew that. She knew that the last service that she should be offering was sexual tendencies. But yet, she responded firmly. “Yes…master~” Her tone was professional as she lowered onto her knees in front of him, gazing up with battering lashes.

Kiyo peered down at the woman below him, reaching one hand down and gently stroking her hair. He placed a finger under her chin and raised her head up to look up at him. “Now….” He whispered to her, tracing his hand down her shoulder. ‘Put those pretty lips of yours to good use~” 

The girl narrowed her eyes at him. This was very wrong. So wrong indeed. But as her protocols say, she must accept any request given to her…even if it means violating her own terms. 

After the man before her mouthed his insurrections to her, Kirumi moved a little forwards. She placed her hands onto Kiyo’s thighs. She then took one hand and shakily unbuckled the clasp of his belt. 

“My dear…you are shaking~” Kiyo took her hand, halting her from continuing. ‘Why don’t you…’ He glanced at her lips, that were pouted prettily and a light shade of pink, tinted with the lip tint she’d always use. 

Actions do speak louder than words, because Kirumi understood immediately. With a gentle nod of her head, she scooted her body even closer, her perfectly perked breasts pushing against his knees as she got closer to him. 

An non-visible grin flickered onto Kiyo’s face. He moved his hand to her shoulder and parted his legs for her. 

The woman who was on her knees positioned herself between his legs. She hesitated for a moment before dipping her head down between his thighs. She parted her lips and she slowly drew down his pants zipper with her teeth. 

Kirumi could have sworn that she was burning up, but it was in fact just the flustered blush spreading throughout her body. After pulling the small zipper all the way down, she gazed up at him as if she was awaiting her next instructions. 

“Such a good girl…~” Kiyo gently patted her on the head. ‘Now why…’ He stopped speaking when the girl began to lean closer to him. 

Kirumi pulled her gloves off with her teeth, tossing them onto the floor beside her. She kept entirely quiet, awaiting her master’s next words. 

A small chuckle escaped Kiyo’s lips and he laid his hand onto her shoulder. “Eager, are we?~” He mused. ‘Oh, well…I might as well not keep such a pristine lady waiting~’ He took his hand off her shoulder and reached down, slowly taking out his almost-fully-erected cock. He gave a few lazy pumps along the shaft before glancing back at the woman in front of him.

Almost surprised by the size of him, Kirumi swallowed back the lump that was beginning to form in the back of her throat. He wasn’t too large, but certainly not small either, almost the perfect length. She batted her eyelashes at him as she moved her eyes up to his, placing her hand up on his thigh as she stared at him like an eager young child. 

Staring into her light green orbs, Kiyo tilted his head. He held his cock in his hand and gently tapped the head against her bottom lip. “Open…my love~” The girl did as ordered and slowly parted her lips. 

The man nodded his head in approval. Slowly and carefully he slid his tip into her warm mouth, earning a soft squeal from her. 

Squinting her eyes and furrowing her brows, Kirumi opened her jaw wider, trying to take as much of his cock that she could. Shit, she was already beginning to gag as not even half of his length was down her throat. 

Kiyo heard that and cocked his head to the side. He moved his hand to the side of her face, stroking her cheek gently with the back of his finger. “Now, now…don’t get too drunk off me~” He teased as he slowly forced the last inch of his cock down her wet cavern. 

“Ngh!~” Kirumi choked up a small moan when she felt the tip of his dick hit the back of her throat. She clenched her fingers onto the fabric of his pants as she tried to engulf more of him than she could. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she raised herself up on her knees a little bit, trying to swallow more of his cock.

Kiyo swallowed back a sigh as the girl bobbed her head between his legs. He reached his hand down and stroked her hair gently, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. “Oh, Kirumi~…taking such a lewd request…you’re a filthy woman~” He slowly moved his hand to the back of her head, gripping onto her short but soft hair ever so tightly, forcing her downwards into him. 

Kirumi coughed through her own gagging when the man pushed her face deeper into his balls. She kept bobbing her head at a steady pace, slowly lapping her tongue in stripes up his length, finding her own rhythm as she continued to suck. 

She was so focused on giving him her ever dying attention that she was forgetting about her own pleasure, feeling the warmth of her arousal flaming between her thighs. She simply clenched her muscles around nothing, saliva seeping down her chin as she hollowed her cheeks to make more room. 

A hum of approval left Kiyo’s lips as the girl sunk between his thighs, He gently threaded his fingers through her hair when she took his whole cock into her mouth, thrusting gently against the back of her throat. “Hah…Kirumi~” he softly moaned, yearning for her delicate touch and the warm embrace of her tongue wrapped around his dick. ‘S-Such a filthy slut~…”

Kirumi let out a tattered groan, her voice softened and so did her jaw. The wetness pooling against the fabric of her panties was the only motivation she had to keep on going, hoping that by the time she was finished, the man she was pleasing would give her exactly what she wanted in return.  

She swirled her tongue around his swollen tip and pressed her body up against the middle of the chair, her breasts pushing up against his knees as she desperately grinded her needy cunt against the head of his boot. 

Kiyo felt the girl’s weight against his shoe and opened his eyes at her. He placed his hand on the top of her head and chuckled airily. “Hghn~…look at you…so needy” He gently tugged against her hair. ‘You are doing a very good job~’ 

Bucking her hips against him, Kirumi continued to hump her dripping heat against his shoe. She let out a muffled moan when she felt her puffy clit hit against the material of his boot through the fabric of her clothes. She rapidly began stroking her tongue against his length, flattening her tongue and pointing it again as she licked lines up and down. 

“Gah~…s’close…oh, Kirumi~” Kiyo clutched at her shoulder with one hand as he chased his climax, encouraging the woman to go faster. 

He slowly tipped back his head, the coil within his body finally snapping as his orgasm came crashing over him, drawing a soft, but breathy moan out of his mouth as he spilled his seed down her throat, his eyes rolling back and hand gripping her shoulder. 

Choking on her own spit as she felt his warm and bitter cum dribble down her throat, Kirumi straightened up her posture. She quickly pulled her lips from around his cock and coughed, gasping audibly and clutching her hand to Kiyo’s knee, ropes of white semen dripping from the corner of her lips. With the head of his shoe ramming into her already slick pussy, she let out a small moan and fluttered her eyes shut. 

The man took notice of her abnormal movements, his eyes darkening with a heavy lust. “Kirumi…my dear~” Kiyo placed his hand on her shoulder as she grinded against him. He placed his hand onto her chin and forced her eyes to meet his. He pulled down his mask with his spare hand and smiled softly. 

“Don’t you think I’ll leave you to go untouched~…”    

[wendichester]

𓂃˖ ࣪ 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔭𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔟𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔶 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔦𝔫𝔤

˚₊‧꒰ა @alphateen27 ☆ sam winchester ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ⋆˙⟡ where pisces, taurus, gemini meets taurus, virgo*, capricorn. ⟡˙⋆

𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑✧˖⋆𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑✧˖⋆𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑✧˖⋆𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑✧˖⋆𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑✧˖⋆𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑✧˖⋆𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑✧˖⋆𖤐

ꔛ. meeting each other,

you and sam? the universe would make sure it was fate. sam's virgo rising makes him observant, always sizing up a situation before stepping in. meanwhile, your taurus rising? you're more vibes first, logic later. which means you'd feel his presence before anything else--the quiet intensity, the way he carries himself like someone who's seen too much. so-- it's late, and the local library is quiet, save for the soft rustling of pages and the occasional scratch of a pen against paper. you're buried in research--something obscure, something that's got you spiraling down a rabbit hole. sam is at the next table over, completely engrossed in his own pile of books. you notice him first--the way his brows furrow when he's deep in though, the way his fingers tap absently against the page when he's onto something. then, without looking up, he speaks. "you're researching folklore." it's not a question. you blink, caught off guard. "yeah... and?" sam finally glances up, hazel eyes sharp with curiosity. "you're looking in the wrong section." you scoff, more amused than annoyed. "and you know that how?" a small smirk tugs at his lips. "because i made the same mistake last week." and just like that, you're intrigued.

ꔛ. friendship compatibility,

your pisces sun and gemini moon make you both curious and intuitive--you read people like books, and sam? he's an entire library. the conversations between you two would be endless, always bouncing between philosophy, myths, and personal theories on the meaning of life. sam's taurus sun and capricorn moon mean he's the rock in a storm--steady, reliable, and someone you can trust. you, with your mars in scorpio, have a tendency to test people before letting them in, but sam? he'd pass every test without even realizing it. potential conflicts? sam is slow to open up emotionally, and while you're patient, your venus in aries wants directness. you might get frustrated when he thinks before he feels, and he might struggle to keep up with your ever-shifting moods. still, as friends, you'd bring out the best in each other--you, by reminding him to trust his intuition, and him by keeping you grounded when your emotions try to run away with you.

ꔛ. romantic compatibility,

your pisces sun and mercury draw sam in like a mystery he needs to solve. there's something dreamy about you, something that makes him want to understand every hidden part of you. and you? you love that about him--that quiet intensity, the way he listens like every word you say matters. his taurus mars and gemini venus make him affectionate but thougthful. he's not one for grand gestures, but when he loves, it's slow and deliberate--like a book he never wants to finish. you, with your venus in aries, might crave more passion and spontaneity, but his stability would be addictive. strengths : trust, loyalty, and an emotional depth that sneaks up on both of you. you bring out sam's softer, more romantic side, and he gives you the security you secretly crave. weaknesses : he takes forever to admit his feelings, and you hate waiting. you might push, he might retreat, and it would take patience to find the right balance.

ꔛ. overall, score : 9 / 10

slow burn, but once it starts, it never stops burning. this is the kind of relationship that starts as friendship, grows into something deeper, and stays even when the world falls apart. it's trust, it's warmth, it's understanding--but only if you're both willing to be patient. and with a love like this? it's worth the wait.

ꔛ. navigation 𓂃˖ ࣪ all drabbles ; compatibility readings ; support my work .ᐟ

* since the birth time of sam hasn't ever been mentioned, I've placed him as a virgo rising, since it's the sign that makes more sense to me.

[saradesuchiha]

i don't block anyone for a reason, and this was the reason why i have done to u. spreading false information that quirrrky and i were harassing fellow stans is disappointing and disgusting.

as we ALWAYS put who are the moderators of the event. it's been quirrrky and i since 2021. i don't know where u get that information of the said acct was a host too. i just assumed u did ur research bc u have never spoke abt the event again and never apologized to us for spreading false information

as a matter of fact, i reached out to both parties involved in the said issue. i went in-between to hear both sides and what happened. even went lengths of asking native speakers to help me translate the statement to help me further understand. i was in conversation w them until everything was settled.

jsyk i am a naruhina stan, kunoichi stan and a sarada stan. hence my other handle, saradesuchiha. i do not support any character and/or ship bashing. i do not tolerate any harassment towards anyone. i always tell everyone to be respectful and treat ppl w kindness bc u don't know how much one person is going through

i'm very open abt creating a safe space for anyone to enjoy naruhina. we have naruhinamain dedicated to celebrate the love of naruto and hinata. to extend, we have a discord server we fans are allowed to discuss and share their common interests.

this is my third year hosting naruhina month. just to anyone's knowledge, naruhina month is not hosted in december bc of it's connection w the release of movie, the last.

someone reached out to quirrrky late september of 2021 concerning if there would be naruhina this year. she took accountability on hosting on tumblr and i reached out to her extending it to twitter. we were pressed for time and in need atleast few months to be considerate of participants that is why it was pushed back til december.

the following year, we have plans to host different events for naruhina. it was nearing late october and yet no one has plans to host the event yet again. someone came forward to us asking if we will be hosting again, and quirrrky and i decided to push our plans ahead, hence, the first ever naruhina fair in 2022.

this year, we both have ideas for activities to encourage nh stans to express their love and creativity, as well as having fun making it. unfortunately, both quirrrky and i were really busy and focused on our time on our personal lives. we put the plans on hold and i complete understand what she's going through.

i opened the discussion in the naruhina discord if anyone would like to host this year. there are ppl who took interest but expressed that they couldn't commit to it. i was abt to close the discussion until ate born and chloe came forward to help me organize this year's event.

now someone on tumblr going as anon spreading rumors abt me being a fake nh fan. didn't know u have to box urself to stan only one ship/character to be a real stan. i have other interests too.

as a matter of fact, before i became actively participating in fandom. i met alot of hinata and sakura stans who were very nice to me and encouraged me to draw. i love being around ppl who are open-minded and supporting both women.

jsyk i left the fandom multiple times, being cyberbullied, ppl.mocking and discouraging my art and came bouncing back for ppl who encouraged me to do what i love.

ever since 2022, i limited my interaction w the fandom bc i was getting stressed how it's getting always heated w fanwars. i signed up to express my love and creativity for naruhina and have fun.

and just for anyone's knowledge, i do have a personal private acct but i have muted and blocked naruto and boruto from there so i can have peace of mind separate accts for fandom and real life current events. i rarely talked abt anime in there. it's mostly taylor swift and my shitty day to day life. u can ask few of my friends who are following me there.

it's getting long and i'm tired. i have to face reality that i cannot please anyone. my intentions of hosting events is for creators and fans to have a dedicated time to fully enjoy and support naruhina. this will be the last time i'm hosting naruhina month. i'm not forcing everyone to join in. this event is for naruhina stans. feel free to support it.

i'm always grateful for the love and support. thank u

🌤️

[timextoxhajima]

Sonder: Part V [Final]

Parts: I II III IV V

member: enhypen heeseung! x oc! woo ki yeom [3rd person pov]

genre: coming of age, slice of life, angst, romance

w/c: 4k

taglist: @missychief1404 (i had this chapter written out months ago, but you're the reason why i decided to post it! thank you for reading <3)

warnings: topics on religion, distressed relationships, mental health (I want to leave an a/n here that I grew up with my maternal family being Buddhists so what I've written is based off what I researched online and the way her family practised Buddhism. I'm personally a free-tinker and this narrative is not in any way meant to offend nor support any particular religion.)

synopsis: after being kicked out of her home, Woo Ki Yeom is forced to live life on her own. struggling to find herself in the midst of her chaotic life, she meets lee heeseung, who, like her, can't give any more fucks to life than she does.

"n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own."

Author's Note:

Before you embark on the closing chapter of Sonder, I would first like to offer you a virtual hug! <3 Sonder is a love letter to all lost relationships (be it familial, friends, romantic). In the last few months of 2023, I lost a couple of friends whom I trusted. I'm still in the midst of healing and recovering from it.

Sonder started out as an angry rant when I felt anger from the falling out, but I couldn't bring myself to continue because at some point, I felt like this wasn't the right way to cope. I was still angry and hadn't come to terms with it. But the longer it took, the more I realised I just wanted to heal, and that things truly just happened. No amount of anger was going to undo what was done. They had apologised for the things they did, but I reacted by cutting them out, and I'm not sorry for it.

The chapter has ended, but the book doesn't.

I hope you have found comfort in Sonder, be it through the eyes of Ki Yeom who represents my anger and process of healing, or Heeseung, who is lost in life and has no direction. Perhaps through the eyes of Ji Yeon, who simply did what she thought was right but yet it wasn't, or Ki Yeom's father who had neglected to care for something when it was in need. Last but not least, Ahn Yoo Hyeon, who is my innate desire to be my own person, but cannot, due to the things that naturally bind her to her purpose in life.

I'm not sure when I will write again, or if I ever will, but if I were to leave one last story for my readers who have been with me for the last couple of years since my Capital Letters and Hostis days, I thought it was appropriate to write Sonder.

My ask is always open and I still do check Tumblr every day. I'll try my best to respond if any. I hope that my words, stories, and characters stick with my readers for years to come.

Writing for everybody has been an absolute pleasure.

With Love,

Dana

"So this is the million-dollar book!"

"She'll kill you if she knows you touched it."

"Have you?"

"I didn't touch it but she showed me once."

Gasp.

"Yeah, go through my things while you're packing," Ki Yeom pushes her way into her apartment, a folded box in hand.

"Jun Yeol touched it first."

"I was curious," He closes the book and places it on the table. "It doesn't kill to be a little curious where all your ideas are stored, is it? I can't believe you've shown it to Heeseung but not us!"

"In my defense, I'm rarely curious about her shit," Heeseung raises his hands in surrender and shrugs.

"Then how did you get her to show it to you?" Soo Min squints at him.

"I caught him snooping around my stuff so I caved and let him see it," Ki Yeom finally gets the folded box into shape and pulls out the tape.

Her colleagues' jaws drop as they scream 'unfair', rolling their eyes as they pick up the book to flip through it again.

Ki Yeom can hear their whispering as she packs her newly bought pot-and-pan and kitchenware, and it cracks a little smile on her lips, knowing that she would miss their voices and their bickering in the years she will be away.

In truth, she doesn't know if she would even be coming back.

They must think she's selfish for taking up the offer that their boss had offered her elsewhere and overseas, but even if they did think that, it's not her problem, is it?

She gets the box taped up and she stands up straight, turning around to see that they've gone back to helping her pack the rest of her things. But Heeseung was still, backfacing her, head looking down and his arms barely moving from where she could see him.

So, she walks over and tiptoes, trying her best to look over his shoulders without letting him know she was right behind him.

"Hard to believe this was six months ago."

Ki Yeom relaxes, rolling her eyes as she walks around him.

In his hands was the letter her father wrote her, with the wrong unit number written on the envelope.

"What can I say, time waits for no man," Ripping the letter out of his hands, she crumples it into a ball, playing basketball with it into the trash bag they had by the door.

As the ball of paper lands in the plastic, Ahn Yoo Hyeon appears by the door, purse hanging from her forearm and sunglasses pushed onto the crown of her head.

"I was wondering if they had taken the day off to come help you."

"Honestly, a waste of time!" Jun Yeol dramatically replies. "She has nothing."

"It's good to travel light where you're going anyway," Ahn Yoo Hyeon takes a deep breath and looks around the apartment. "Let me know if you need anything before you fly. I'll see you on Sunday at eight."

Then she turns around on her heels and leaves.

The funniest thing about the last six months is that Ki Yeom wondered how different it would have been if her 'arcs' had been spaced out or in the wrong sequence. How strange was it to have all the events lined up almost one after another?

Sometimes, just for fun, she would imagine if she hadn't met Heeseung, and her father hadn't written the wrong address. She wouldn't have met him because neither of them cared enough to talk to each other.

Imagine if Ji Yeon hadn't showed up. Ki Yeom knew for sure that nothing would've changed. Ji Yeon would still be texting her every now and then, begging her to hang out when she didn't want to.

Imagine if her father hadn't showed up either - Ki Yeom sometimes wonders if he's going to come back again, find out she's moved away, and think about where she's gone.

Then again, that's not her problem either, is it?

"You left a tissue in your machine last week, you know?" Mr Hsien nags at her the moment Ki Yeom appears in his line of sight.

"Sorry!" Placing her laundry bag down, Heeseung helps to push a token into her machine first. "I'll make sure to check this time round."

"You better. Else I'll charge you two times next week!"

Ki Yeom glances at Heeseung. A knowing smile.

"You're not gonna tell him?"

"What for?" She loads her clothes in, fingers digging into the pockets as she does. "He'll be more than happy I'm no longer using his washing machines. Besides, you'll be here to tell him."

"I'm not gonna have a conversation with him telling him where you've gone and why you're gone."

"Well, too bad."

After the washing machine starts its usual humming and vibrating, Ki Yeom sits next to him on the row of seats, listening to the TikTok and Instagram Reels play on his phone while she looks through the digital documents that the art organisation had emailed her.

Ki Yeom hadn't thought that four years of isolation and loneliness could be undone in just six months. Maybe 'undone' is the wrong word.

Though she must admit, she didn't know what she was waiting for. In hindsight, she wonders what it was like to aimlessly tear through each day. It wasn't even that long ago, so she does remember that feeling of emptiness. She wonders if that's the exact same feeling that Heeseung has been dealing with, and probably will have to for longer.

She considers herself lucky. That for her, this four-year chapter is coming to an end.

But it's bittersweet. There's nothing attractive about being in constant fear and worry of having someone unwanted showing up at your doorstep or leaving you messages, but it reminds you that someone out there is still looking for you. This knowledge that someone still gives a shit about you... that's the thing that's addictive and hard to let go of.

Sometimes, she wonders if this is a good thing. Even though she has closed the chapter with her parents and Ji Yeon, it meant that she no longer had a reason to be interlinked with them and vice versa. Her parents are just her parents now. Ji Yeon is now an ex-best friend.

She looks up from her phone and ever so slightly, turns to Heeseung, whose soul is quite literally in his phone screen.

There wasn't enough time.

To explore. This friendship.

Or whatever you called it.

Ki Yeom had never crushed on anybody. She wonders what it must feel like. She always does. She had watched Ji Yeon entertain the boys that ogled over her at school, but she never had one herself.

She recalls the first time she met Heeseung. She was uncouth. Rude, cold and nonchalant. Which boy would like that kind of girl?

She snickers to herself.

"What?" Heeseung asks without looking up from his phone. "The video wasn't even that funny."

"Nothing," Ki Yeom shakes her head. "Though, can I ask you something? Feel free to ignore me or change the subject if you can't answer."

Heeseung hums in response. He scrolls.

"What is it like to have a crush on someone? What's it like to... be in university?"

Such simple questions.

But Heeseung feels stumped. He knew Ki Yeom didn't have the luxury to attend university, but he never thought she would think and ask about it.

He stops and turns down the volume first, then locks his phone and puts it down in his lap.

"The second question's easier to answer. Depending on the crowd you hang out with, university is either a four-year-long party before you go into the working world or... where you go through your existential crises before you go into the working world."

"So either way, it's kind of a shitshow, just whether it's on the fun side or the depressing side?"

"Bingo," Heeseung snaps his fingers and points at her. "The first question, however... I think it's different for most of people. A crush could mean many things. Like an eye-candy, or just a periodic infatuation just 'cause the person's cool or pretty. Or it could be some love-at-first-sight shit that's genuine."

"Do you believe in that? Love at first sight?"

"No," Heeseung shakes his head and puckers his lips in thought. "I mean when you're younger, yeah. I had a crush when I was a kid. Liked her for a couple of years, even though she rejected me right at the start. But my perseverance got me a short run with her."

"'Short run'? How short?" Ki Yeom smiles.

"Like... three months."

"Wow," She laughs and scratches the back of her neck. "Three years for three months?"

"That's exactly what a friend of mine said."

"But you said that was when you were younger. What about recent times? Has it changed for you? I never... had the chance to like someone. When I was in high school with Ji Yeon, I was so caught up in finding myself... with my art and dealing with... being poor. Then not being able to go to college pretty much sealed the deal. My last chance to be a student and a kid and meet people and fall in love and have break-ups was in high school and I didn't know."

Heeseung squints at her. "I don't think that going through all that in high school is advised. I mean, yes, that's when everybody goes through all that, but like... usually it's stupid and messy."

"At least they have the privilege of going through something stupid and messy and not have to worry about... other things. I thought that's what being a teenager is about. Being obnoxiously ignorant about everything else... only thinking about the guy or girl you liked and whether they would ask you out on a date."

He tilts his head at her, eyes looking away as he thinks.

"I think you were destined to... lead a life that the regular person doesn't get to experience. I know how terrible and shit it sounds because it just sounds like I'm trying to comfort you, but I do think you're special. In a resilient and talented type of way. That you were pulled off the average, regular path, and forced onto a better, more rewarding one. Albeit tough."

"Risky game."

"I don't think that if you had spent just a single minute thinking about a guy or a girl... it would've been worth it. It's like asking a God to worry about what color I should dye my hair."

A pause. Ki Yeom nods, a gentle smile on her lips.

"Thank you. For putting it that way."

Another pause. Heeseung was thinking. Then he parts his lips, a breath coming out before a word does.

"For me, I take awhile to like a person. It doesn't come easy nowadays, especially that I'm busy trying to find life fun. But I think right now... I wouldn't know it. I think I would've liked someone without knowing, and then something would happen that made me realise I liked this person."

"So like, 'never knew it until you lost it' kind of concept?"

"Something like that."

Ki Yeom hums in response.

"What about you? I mean, hypothetically, what do you think you're like? If you had a crush?"

"Hm," She rests her elbow on her crossed leg, chin resting on her folded fingers. "I probably have a curse of some sort. All that talk about me being on a more special path would give me tunnel vision, to the point that even if I did like someone and I knew, I don't think I'd stop my life to entertain it."

And just like that.

For some reason, it felt like they had a whole other conversation without even having it. There's a strange, bubbly feeling in Ki Yeom's stomach when she realises how quiet it's gone, on top of the machines' whirring.

She turns to look at him, whose eyes are a little bit sad, like they had heard something he knew was coming, but didn't want to hear. They were flitting between hers, as if waiting for her to say something else.

He blinks, then turns to look at his hands, thumb running over the mild callouses that have formed from playing the piano. Then Heeseung turns back to her, head tilted and eyes unable to focus.

"In an alternate universe... maybe we'll meet in school. And... you'll be the nonchalant, quiet, I-don't-give-a-shit-about-anything girl, and I might find it in myself to be curious about you... In a life that you didn't have to worry about your friends or the way you reacted, about your family or money. In a life where you could be 'obnoxiously ignorant'."

"In a life where I'd be your only problem. A crush that you wouldn't know how to fix or solve. Or maybe leave you with a heartbreak that would change your perspective of life and become a better person."

"I'll admit that I was worried. That I'd be the heartbroken one after you leave, knowing that you bought a one-way ticket and have no plans to return. But I'm no longer worried, because... I think I'd rather be heartbroken while you're still here."

By now he's looking at her, eyes slightly widened and glistening.

Ki Yeom's insides have been stretched, crushed and wringed, like towels on a spring cleaning day.

This gut-wrenching feeling felt all so familiar, and yet, so different.

Heeseung blinks and takes a deep breath, stretching as he leans back.

"I watched you fight your way out of your own life. Your own problems came knocking on your door and you somehow pushed through all those chapters and mishaps and everything. I was not going to be the person who confessed and made you feel like you had to stay."

Then he turns and looks at her, eyes still full of wander despite everything he's seen her go through.

"But now that I know how you feel and what you think, I'm thankful that... You care about yourself. I'm glad that you are the I-don't-give-a-shit-about-anything girl."

"You know sometimes I hate being that girl, don't you?"

"I know you do, but you are, and there's nothing wrong with it."

Ki Yeom frowns, trying to accept it; trying to accept herself; trying to accept that some chapters were never meant to be written. Some arcs were never meant to happen.

Perhaps this acceptance was an arc of itself.

In another life.

On the day Ahn Yoo Hyeon met Woo Ki Yeom, she was having a particularly horrid day. Coming from her, that was unusual. She would never know if it was fate or some kind of sign, but it was the first time in ten years that it rained on her brother's death anniversary.

Just earlier that morning, she had to brave the rain to get to the florist to pick up the flowers she had ordered. But not only was she almost completely drenched by the time she had gotten there, the florist had lost the order form and forgotten to make the bouquet.

Half her day had already been ruined, and she wasn't even at the cemetery.

But her brother's best friend, showed up like an angel, to the florist as she was making the bouquet in a frantic manner. It's normal to see people freeze and get uncomfortable when they meet Oh Jihoon, for he was absolutely covered in tattoos. This included his face, his ears, the inside of his lips and into corners of the body you couldn't see.

"She giving you a hard time?" Yoo Hyeon remembers him teasing her to the florist.

"My apologies! I lost the order form, but the moment she stepped in- I remembered that she had ordered it-"

"Take your time! We're not in a rush."

Yoo Hyeon turns to him, brows furrowed. She lifts her sunglasses and glares at her with those angry orbs that her brother had as well.

"What?" He sits on a nearby stool, holding his phone between his thumb and index finger and gestures out the shop. "Take a look at the weather, would you? You're gonna make her wrap the bouquet up nicely then let it soak and drown in the rain?"

She huffs, wanting to retort but having nothing to say.

"How's the parlour going? Last you told me, you hired a couple of youngsters?"

She glares at him once more, then puts her glasses back on when she decides that he's right.

"The girl's a tomboy gangster and the boy's a gay unicorn. Funnily enough, they seem close."

Jihoon laughs boisterously. Yoo Hyeon can hear her brother's laughter in his.

"You sayin' that he's gay because you know for a fact?"

"He's got bright pink hair dyed down to his roots, and he talks like a girl."

"Hey, now," Jihoon raises both palms and chuckles.

"I think I know when I see a gay man. Plus, I say that with zero offence. What's wrong with calling someone gay if it's just an observation?"

"Ah- There's the education talking," He pauses, finger playing with the piercings on his ears. "You sound like your brother."

"Shocker."

"You know, back in the day-"

By the time Yoo Hyeon had finished rolling her eyes at Jihoon's throwback, the florist had finished wrapping up the bouquet and apologised for the hundredth time. Initially rejecting the payment, Yoo Hyeon knew better than to refuse the service, handing her a hundred dollar bill and telling her to keep the change.

Jihoon had given her a soft 'ooh' in a bid to praise her coolness, and honestly? Yoo Hyeon could barely hide the smile.

The cemetery was about a thirty minutes drive out of the city.

"I always wondered what he'd be doing. Like what would he be working as? Would he be married and have kids?"

"No clue. But, honestly? Maybe zookeeper," He places both hands on the steering wheel as he turns down the winding path, rain drenching the windshield despite the wipers clearing it every second. "Suits him. Not having to wear office attires or deal with people. Married with kids? Not sure. Depends on whether he knocked someone up by accident."

Yoo Hyeon smiles to herself, eyes watching as the trees blur past and the city's skyline blending into the mountains behind.

"Anyway, your interview. You just had one recently, didn't you? For a touring art organisation?" She turns to him.

"Yeah. I'm still waiting on the results but I think I'm gonna get it."

"And when you do, you would have to move?"

"Seasonally, yeah. I guess I'd be spending months overseas, at a time."

"So, you wouldn't be here? On some years?"

Jihoon goes quiet. "Maybe. But you know I'll try my best to come back."

She hums in response. "It'd be different without you here."

"I know, but you know... One of the last things he told me was to never look back. He always told me that the damage had been done, so what for writhe in your own shit and cry about it? Don't think he'd be all that pleased if he knew we were fussing about him. In fact, sometimes when we visit him... he might not even be there."

Now, Yoo Hyeon can't stifle the laugh that comes out.

Later that day, Jihoon had wanted to drop her off at home, knowing that she was drenched that morning and knowing that it wasn't an easy day for her. But something in her told her to go back to the parlour. For whatever reason it was, she would never know.

But grief works in strange ways.

Yoo Hyeon knew that, to some, it was a stretch to think that her brother was the one who led her to Ki Yeom, who was starving and had obviously cried her eyes out when she found her down the street from the parlor, hiding herself from the rain.

But she will always think it was, because it was comforting to think that perhaps, her brother was watching over her, and even the people who might need her help.

She doesn't know why she hired Ki Yeom so quickly. She doesn't know why she felt the need to help her find accommodation. She doesn't know why she felt like she saw something in Ki Yeom, that would lead her to this very moment.

At the airport. Seeing her off. Into Jihoon's care where she will most likely blossom into a whole other person artistically.

"Jihoon's abit weird when you first meet him, but don't mind it. He's covered in tattoos and that's the only thing that's scary about him. Otherwise, he's a loser," She pulls off her glasses and folds the arms inwards.

Ki Yeom smiles and nods, hugging her jacket in her arms.

"Thank you, Ms Ahn. For taking care of me, ever since we met. I really wouldn't be here without you. I mean it. And it's true. Nothing can refute it."

The older takes a deep breath and raises a brow, "You have my brother to thank for that. He's dead, but I'd like to think he was there the day I found you on that street. Jihoon will tell you more when you get there."

Something in Ki Yeom turns sad and sour as she processed Yoo Hyeon's words. She purses her lips, offering a small smile.

"If you ever come back, I expect you to return."

"Of course."

Yoo Hyeon nods with intention, and slides her sunglasses back on.

Ki Yeom turns around, in her peripheral vision, noticing Soo Min and Jun Yeol getting into another bicker as Heeseung approaches her.

He sucks in a deep breath and shoves his hands into his pockets, shoulders shrugged up to his ears.

"New arc, new season."

She smiles, turning to look at the gate into the departure hall.

"It was nice... being a character in one of your seasons."

A knowing exchange of looks. Ki Yeom doesn't know what to say. Heeseung doesn't either. What else is there left to say?

"Will you hate me if I end up treating you like Ji Yeon?"

Heeseung parts his lips and frowns, then a smile creeps up on his lips. "Maybe. But you know what? I don't think I'd blame you. I'm just... a character in a season."

Ki Yeom takes a deep breath, and reaches out to wrap her arms around him, pressing her head into his collar and shutting her eyes.

"You'll be the character that everybody shipped me with, but never got together, and would write fanfics or canons about us if we happened."

She can hear him chuckle in his chest as he returns the hug. He intentionally lowers his head and nearer to her ear, "Accurate canon."

For the first time in Ki Yeom's life, she felt truly free.

Free from all the things that kept her here, free from all her worries and concerns. She was now going to live the life of one of those girls online, talking about how they moved abroad to work and explore a new culture and lead a new life. Ironically, she worried if she was going become one of those girls.

But even if she did, it's not her problem.

Is it?

[ashcupofthea]

3. Birds of a feather

I don't know how to feel about this chapter,I'm in a bit of hurry but I wanted to update by the end of this day on Tumblr as well. So in the next few days I will definitely review it. :) Thank you for all the support

It was already afternoon when Isla, riding her horse, left the castle. Zelda had not had lunch with her that day,she was probably still doing research with the help of the two scientists. The cool air lashed her face as she galloped,determined to find some peace away from the oppressive walls of the kingdom,heading toward her destination.

She rode through the forests and hills of Hyrule, pushing her horse toward the village of Rito. The road was familiar, and her hands clung firmly to the reins as she retraced the paths she had crossed with Kael.

Finally, as the lights of the village appeared on the horizon, Isla's heart grew lighter. She needed to talk to someone who knew her pain and understood her past.

Revali, now an archery master known for his skill and grace, was a man of extraordinary talent and determination. His slender figure and silvery feathers shone in the moonlight, a symbol of elegance and strength.

Isla recalled how, after the death of their shared master, Kael, Revali had become a constant presence in her life. The two had found comfort in each other and developed a deep bond while maintaining a relationship of good friends and, perhaps, something more. At this moment the only one who could offer her comfort at that difficult time.

By the time Isla let go of the reins of her royal horse, the sky was full of stars. The Rito village was animated by a serenity that contrasted sharply with her inner turmoil. Climbing the endless stairs of the village,she greeted the now familiar faces of the Rito people who had seen her numerous times before until she reached the nest of the future champion.

Revali,who was cleaning his weapon after a long day of training, became aware of an intrusive presence and quickly abandoned his work. He soon recognized the figure and immediately greeted her with a surprised expression that soon turned to concern.

“Isla? What brings you here at this hour? It's been a few days since your last visit...admit it, you can't go long without seeing the talented Rito?” he joked.

Isla,ignoring Rito's humor stepped forward “Revali, I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”

Revali looked at her carefully, noting the obvious sign of concern in her eyes. “Sure, come on in.” He invited her to sit by the lit fire, which illuminated the room with a warm, welcoming light.

She sat down, as Revali prepared an herbal tea, his movement elegant and confident. “Tell me what happened,” he said, handing a cup of hot tea to Isla. “You look upset.”

Isla took the cup from Revali's wings and sipped some , the warmth soothing her pain, and then began to speak with her voice trembling slightly. “My father ... wants me to step aside from the confrontation with Ganon. He wants to arrange a marriage with a nobleman from another family. He told me that my role is only to ensure the continuity of the dynasty. Despite everything i have done to help, despite my training, it doesn't count for anything.”

Revali listened carefully, his piercing gaze trying to understand the weight of Isla's words. “And how do you feel about this?” he asked, his tone gentle but incisive.

Isla lowered her gaze, tears threatening to well up again.

“I feel ... like I've failed at everything. I spent years trying to prove myself, training and doing everything that was asked of me. But none of that matters. My father sees me as nothing more than a means to a political alliance.”

Revali approached, laying a comforting wing on Isla's shoulder. “It is not true that you have failed. Remember what Kael used to tell us, true worth is not just in the powers you possess or the titles you bear. Kael believed in you and taught you to be more than what others see.”

At the mention of that name,memories of Kael began to flood back into her mind “I miss him so much...I wish I could have spent more time with him,hearing him talk about his life,he did a lot for us,even though we were still kids.”

“It's true,Kael left us a legacy more precious than you can imagine,” Revali said,with a nostalgic smile. “Training with him was not just to perfect fighting techniques, but to teach us to follow our hearts. And you did just that,you were not wrong to step forward to help Hyrule.”

Isla lifted her gaze,finding her determination in Revali's words. “You're right,I have to stop crying,I can't act like a child all the time...” Isla collapsed on Revali's chest surrounded by her wings,to find more comfort,the cups now empty and abandoned beside their bodies.

“However Zelda should come and visit The Elder Kahn,as you know we are looking for people who can pilot the Divine Beasts and we have yet to find the knight who exorcises evil..." Revali interrupted her by exalting her personality “Well the princess had better choose me,as I am the best among our soldiers” Isla mocked him “ all right all right as you wish,I hope I can sneak into the expedition to return as well,now it is a matter of weeks,first we will head into the domain of the Zora and the city of the Goron.”

By now it was late at night when after hours of chatting between the two of them,Isla ended up falling asleep thanks to the newfound feeling of peace,so Revali gently lifted her up and laying her on his shoulders took flight toward the castle. As gracefully as he moved through the sky, once they reached the balcony of the princess's room,Revali laid her on the bed, making sure she was comfortable and warm. The feathers of his cloak rested gently on her, a gesture of tenderness that reflected their special bond.

Isla awoke for a moment, looking at Revali with a faint smile. “Thank you,” she murmured, the words full of gratitude.

Revali smiled softly at her, stroking her forehead. “Rest, Isla. In a few hours the sun will rise.”

With these words, Revali silently drifted away, leaving Isla in a peaceful sleep. The moon and stars shone through the window, and the night brought with it a promise of new beginnings and hope. Although the future was uncertain, Isla knew she could count on Revali and herself to face the challenges ahead.

[iamnmbr3]

hi - firstly, I wanted to say I am really fucking sorry about Trump getting elected - I am standing in solidarity in any way I can - I guess in grief and disbelief right now?

I just saw ur last ask - about the Canada situation - I live in Canada and have my whole life; the situation feels complicated, and I think ppl are not calling it for what it is. Our current leaders have really shat the bed and well looks like the conservatives are gonna get in (from what I can tell, or it will be close).

The masculinity which fuels the right and fascism is wright and growing -- I see it in the States I'm sure you experience and know it well -- but it's happening in Canada too - I think a lot of ppl are ambivalent to it, or say ' oh we are not the states' we are Canadian we are kind.' Still, honestly, I think that's all turning a blind eye and being ignorant.

In my day-to-day life, in my research and my work - I see the direct impacts of that kind of masculinity, and it's a violent kind - it hurts everyone, and it does not leave anyone unscathed.

I, quite frankly, day to day need to find the belief in the common good to look the eyes into the most traumatized people's eyes and say,' I believe you, I care about you, I stand with you, and I think you deserve the right to an existence free form hate'

It's hard ... it's really fucking hard. ppl are turning a blind eye - my earlier research was looking at, to some degree, implicit biases, and ppl who are even oppressed themselves can be stigmatizing others who are also oppressed. So, none of us are immune from hate and bigotry - it can slither into us and eat us up and become who we are and how we think.

I just wanna say 2 anyone who is Canadian or lives in a country where you think, 'Oh, we are progressive' and 'That will never happen to us' -- think twice and check your blind spots -- you never know until it happens to us.

Thank you for having ur blog as a lovely little spot of joy and brightness in this horror scape, and i will be thinking of you and keeping trust in the common decency of some good ass people including yourself <3

(P.S. my digressions about masculinity are not all encompassing - there is a danger to it the way there can be with anything - i am a non-binary person who identifies w many elements of masculinity - just wanted to say this - to ensure no one feels hurt by what i said)

Hey! So sorry for taking so long to reply to this. First off, thank you so much for your kind words. I've been amazed and so comforted by the kind messages of support I've received from people all over the world.

And yes, everyone needs to be on the lookout. The far right movement is global - probably backed by Russia to help them take over the world and destroy democracy globally (and they are aided by by Fascists like Elon Musk and Peter Theil etc). Every society needs to be on the lookout. It could happen to you too. Do not let it. Push back against misinformation in your country. try to regulate and control source of influence like Twitter and Musk etc. Realize the danger before it's too late. Andy boycott any far right aligned businesses.

Also, I am so sorry about the US regime's aggression towards Canada. Many Americans oppose that aggression and are standing in solidarity with Canadian friends.

[vivian-at-home]

OOTD

tldr: pushing boundaries, did some shopping for cheap chic, and thanking friends

I am really pushing boundaries lately with some androgynous bits here and some outright girly bits there. I am also growing my hair out, and I'm going to get one of those laser things because research tells me that's the way to go. I am trying to get a referral to the clinic from my doctor because the last time it got derailed by COVID.

I am daring to do things I never would before; like shopping openly in the ladies department, keeping my nails painted, wearing pinks and pastels and neutrals, more form fitting clothing. Nothing exotic at all, just exactly what other ladies my age wear (assuming they still have a body as hot as mine lol). Nice tight butt lifting jeans, Doc Marten boots and other androgynous shoes like grey slip on runners, henley shirts, anything girly I can get away with. I have a couple of new skirts coming and I can't wait to try them out, I also got a couple of new pushup bras that nothing is gonna hide that I might have to wait to try out lol, unless it's under a winter coat or baggy hoodie 😳 Trying to conciously wear a bra every day, even to work. Gradually replacing all my boxer briefs with those ridiculously comfy and flattering boy shorts, wearing the standard black and white check coat with poofy hoodies, my pink camo beanie for the coming cold, etc. I am just wearing what I want to wear, and if that's a pearl necklace and LBD with leggings, that's what I am wearing. 🌈

Please consider I'm not 'out' to any extant at all (just to my siblings and mother and a couple friends), but I have found that pretty much no matter where I go, no one really bats an eye, so I just keep pushing those edges. Even in my former male life I was a bit of a fashion whore, always trying new styles but trying to be classy and elegant, so now as a woman, with the massive range of stylish colourful comfortable flattering and yes sexy clothing to choose from, I am an artist with a whole new pallette. Or maybe a kid in a candy store lol.

I am also well aware that I might be a lot more out than I think at work, and no one said anything, I mean girls notice things just as much as guys do, but it doesn't exactly frighten me to push edges when no one says anything amiright. Some girls look at me funny now though, not a bad thing, they smile differently, something I have noticed that is really distinctive . . . 🤭 girls that never talked to me, especially younger ones, now do . . . it's still fearful baby steps though, but HRT is the moving walkway, and I am very close

I really need to learn how to do makeup better, and maybe not walk like a guy with places to go, rather more like a window shopping lady; and a few other things, but I guess what I am trying to say is that I am doing what my mother always taught me, to have the courage of my convictions. Some might say I am far too old, or worse yet a pretender, and it shames me to say I sometimes feel that way because I didn't pursue this long ago when I realized who I am, but I am proud of who I am today, and excited about where I am going, and dressing the part in public is now becoming an important part of that. I am nowhere near as far along as many people here, not even on HRT and not even close to living life as a woman, but one day soon . . . . I'm just so tired of living like people expect me to rather than how I want to portray myself. 💪 So damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead . . .

I want to thank all the friends here who have encouraged and inspired me to be my true self, your support and bravery means more than you know ❤ @crossdresserica @beingjamielynn @gymbunnycandiehart @livemyalter @becoming-who-ive-always-been @gladtobeagirl @jonextsteps @cd-christamae @cd-sherri

[alexcchungg]

Week 4 Reflection

At this current point in time, I feel a sense of gratitude for the opportunities and communities I’m part of. I’ve grown a lot over the past few months, juggling academics, research, volunteering, and AED. While I’m content with the progress I’ve made, I recognize there’s always room for growth. One area I’d like to focus on more is building deeper relationships—especially with my pledge siblings and the active members in AED. I’ve had some really meaningful interactions so far, and I want to continue fostering those connections and turning them into long-lasting friendships.

I’ve also noticed that time management is something I need to be more intentional about. Balancing everything can be overwhelming at times, and I want to become more efficient at allocating my time in a way that allows me to be both productive and present in the moment. Whether that’s carving out time for focused study, quality conversations, or personal rest, I’m hoping to improve how I manage my responsibilities.

This quarter, my goals are to continue pushing forward with my research project and ideally have tangible results that I can be proud of by the end of it. I also want to create memorable experiences with the new friends I’ve made through AED—whether through shared events, casual hangouts, or simply supporting each other through the busy weeks. Outside of AED, I hope to maintain and strengthen the friendships I’ve built in other parts of my life as well. This quarter is about connection, growth, and continuing to shape the version of myself I’m striving to become.

10 Goals for the Quarter:

Try 3 new cafes before the end of the quarter

Cook a meal from scratch

Stay consistent with going to the gym

Have at least one meaningful 1-on-1 with each pledge sibling

Present preliminary findings for my research project

Journal once a week to track personal growth

Complete all assignments at least one day before the deadline

Attend every AED event possible

Plan a hangout with friends outside of AED

Explore a new part of campus or LA I’ve never been to

[kristenchandler]

My plan to identify and connect with niche groups consisted of several hours of research.  I looked for blogs, resources, websites and people that I thought would positively contribute to my PLN and to gaining more information about my PoP.  I used search terms that I felt would yield relevant results; such as ‘nature-based education’, ‘inclusivity in outdoor classroom’ and ‘supporting special needs in outdoor education’.  I got many results which required careful browsing through to determine if this was what I was looking for or did I need to refine my search further.  I was pleased with the results and a bit overwhelm.  There was so much information and I really felt like I needed to weed out topics and blogs that felt unnecessary at this time.  I noticed that some of the blogs that I was reading through were from 5 or more years ago, which while there may have been some useful information, I had to determine if that information was still relevant.

            I stuck to my plan to see if the process I had brainstormed would work.  It was new to me, because I have never posted or responded to a stranger’s blog before.  It felt uncomfortable and like I needed to be careful what I said, while being authentic and making a connection.  I considered how I use social media for interacting with and communicating with others, and while I may post regularly on my own pages, I rarely post on others, unless it is to wish them happy birthday.  What’s interesting is I read a lot and feel up to date on those that I am following’s content, but they may not know that because of the lack of responses. 

I reached out to a few people to introduce myself and share what my purpose for contacting them is-to gather information and resources about inclusivity in nature-based education.  Sometimes I commented on what I read, and shared what I liked about their post or organization, but mostly kept my wording brief.  It was as if I was dangling a line, waiting for a bite.  I did not hear back from the people’s whose blogs I commented on, but some of them were not active, in the sense that the last posts were from years ago.  This doesn’t frustrate me because I am still learning and getting used to how this type of technology works.  However, I do feel like it is time consuming and I am wondering if once I get more skilled, if it will come easier to me.  I wanted to have interaction to build up my niche group, so I reached out to people I am friends with on fb and Instagram and participated in some back-and-forth exchanges.  This experience feels like networking, which is challenging for me.  I am good at talking with people I know, people I have shared history with, people who share similar interests, and can connect with many types of people.  I do best with this during in person interactions.  I like to see the people I am talking with.

The interactions that I had this past week were a couple of back and forth exchanges.  I talked with some educators about a conference that we are hosting this week and tried to see if there was an interest.  I shared ideas for our outdoor space with colleagues, including activities, inspirational quotes and funny memes.  I connected with a teacher by chance, who attended our conferences in the past and was looking for someone to connect with.  She happened to receive and email from me and was happy to connect.  While she can’t make this year’s conference, she wants to stay connected for future events, resource sharing, etc.  I will continue to make connections and will look for new people and groups to connect with.  I think this experience is very interesting and is pushing me to grow, which I will always take.

[aestheno]

Today feels a little different. Typically when my alarm goes off, I make my breakfast, eat it in bed, and haul myself up to go to the gym. I walk the same walk every day, pick up whatever groceries I need, and come home. Then it's shower, lunch, sit at desk, and remain there for the whole day. Today I have plans to box with a friend. I have never boxed before, but he's a certified trainer and I want to inject some variety into the workouts I do. I woke up at my alarm and made a different breakfast to usual and ate it in bed. My friend texted me requesting to push back our rendezvous by an hour and a half, which admittedly made me lust for the extra hour of sleep I could have had, but ultimately it was fine by me. I could totally find something to do to fill that time - and the prospect of that immediately brightened up my morning.

One of the things I have been struggling with significantly lately (and, I don't know, for the last three years?) is how desperately limited I feel by my environment. I went into it in my last post, but it's been a significant struggle for me. The hours tallied locked between the four walls of my bedroom, and the proportion of outside time that is dedicated to walking to and from the gym, have made me feel crazier and crazier. When I used to regularly be flying to different countries to work in different studios, the lack of meaningful time available outside my house is heavy on my mental health.

For the most part, I am completely reliant on my desktop PC. I have a full broadcast setup at home, something I built to support my ability to work remotely if I needed to. All of my music production is on my desktop PC. Video editing too. There really is very little I can do away from my desk.

But I also eat at my desk and take breaks at my desk. When I have my lunch and want to watch a hockey game at the same time, it's at my desk. If I want to play videogames, it's obviously at my desk. Having a dual-monitor setup and being accustomed to a 27" primary monitor makes any alternative feel unworkable. Anything I have to do to progress my life and goals and dreams is reliant on that desk and that PC.

But being forced to kill a couple of hours before going out to go boxing today - man, that opened up a world of possibilities! I don't need to trudge the same grey route to go to the gym, and I don't have to sacrifice my exercise to make that decision; I don't need to be up and at my desk, working. I could literally just make myself a coffee to offset that lack of an extra hour of sleep, and pull out my laptop in bed to do some work there.

If all I were doing is music, this would be a meaningless endeavour. What would I even do on my laptop? Nothing, is the answer. But I'm not just doing that right now. I'm also working on sports content again. That means I can tangibly work on stuff. I can get up a word document and write notes, write an article, write a script. I can open twelve Chrome tabs to research. All of this has a meaningful purpose: it all leads to an end product that furthers a goal I'm pursuing. And let me tell you, the feeling of sitting in my bed and opening my laptop while the sun beams through my window onto me, feels so fucking refreshing.

This week I have gone extremely hard on music. Mastering two tracks for my album, mixing another, and working on the initial production and vocal recordings of another. Mastering is a process I particularly hate, but I am determined to hone the skill rather than just offset it to someone else. But man, it makes me depressed. It's the most obsessive, headache-inducing part of the process, and it makes you doubt every single decision you made in the mixing process. Nothing makes me hate my own music more than having to master it. I've been gradually folding my spine more and more this week as I sink into the depths of spitting out another .mp3 export to get feedback on from others, and getting more irritated with the progress I'm making (or not making?) on the other songs. As such, last night I finally made the decision to take a few days off. When you can physically feel the holes being burrowed in your brain every time you hear one of your own songs, it's probably a sign to step away for a bit.

It's such a weird pursuit because it depends on an initial vision, and involves a long period of thankless, soul-crushing hard work. It's common in artist circles to be reminded that good artists aren't the ones who nail the initial vision, they're the ones who innovate on the flaws they have in bringing it to life. And it's totally true! A lot of great art is built on happy accidents. But man, that process can be hard. And in the mean time you gotta act like a pop star while you have nothing to show. And don't get me wrong, I fucking love the pop star vibe. But hyping your upcoming music and building its world visually can be disillusioning when it's still so far off of being released publicly and you're dying under the weight of choosing between FINAL MASTER V25.wav and FINAL FINAL MASTER V26.wav, the differences between which no one but you would fucking notice anyway.

The point here is that the music-making process is long, with ugly bumps, and it takes a long time before you see any reward or final product. You spend so much time collating the pieces of this vision and generating enough gravity for them to all collapse in together, but it means a lot of the hope for that final product exists incorporeally for a long time. And on the days where you need a break, there's nothing tangible to show for the effort you've already put in. So to wake up, divert from my standard morning routine, and be able to do some meaningful work unreliant on being sat at my desktop PC, was such a needed joy today. One of my issues with using my off days to go to coffee shops and sit and write is that you don't return home having made progress in anything. And don't get me wrong - sometimes those days of truly no work are needed. But currently I live in a routine where I either work solidly in the same place every day, or I do nothing. That has proven itself to be kindling for intense burnout. Having a day with productivity that looks different to my other days is like a gift from the gods. It's truly made all the difference in how I feel.

I hope that in a couple of days time I'll feel refreshed and ready to face my music head-on again. But in the meantime I am happy to indulge in the ignited sense of freedom and imagination I get to enjoy today purely by virtue of doing things slightly differently.

[everyoneneedsalisteningear]

Dear friend,

It is said that anger is an unprocessed version of sadness. It is essentially a protective mechanism, for people to continue to live lives despite the grief or shame weighing them down.

My anger with my parents, especially my mother, essentially stems from how they weren't there when I was young - when I actually needed them, and now they want back in, without acknowledging that they ever did anything wrong, as if nothing happened, and as if I am obligated to welcome them with open arms just because they are my parents. They mentioned the above with their words before, and they show it with their actions. I find this unfair and off putting, and I don't see why I have to be the one who changes, when they are in the wrong.

People tell me that I cannot expect them to change, or to admit their mistakes (because that would constitute them changing). So the best thing I can do is to accept them as they are, let go and move on.

But it does suck. Because the root root cause of everything, is that I feel I deserve(d) the love of my parents. Mostly as a child when I needed them. The way they are loving me now is not what I need anymore. In fact, I feel even worse the way they are loving me because they do not respect my boundaries, my autonomy, and my independence, all things I've built for myself because they weren't there. My anger pushes them away because I don't want them near, but that doesn't mean I don't care for them.

It's not easy to live under the same roof as people you have a complicated relationship with, when you know, that the solution to this, is distance. And also self-love and reparenting.

I know I deserve the love of a parent. I pity myself as a child for not really having it the way I needed. It makes me sad everytime I think about my childhood that did not respect my autonomy and I ended up doing things that were good for me but not what I wanted, and not having support when standing up for things and people. I want to make sure that from now on out, there is something within me that supports and believes in me, something intrinsic. I need it and I deserve this in order to move forward. Depriving the world from the value I can bring to the world is doing myself a disservice.

My love has supported me alot over the years, in being there when I was down and loving me throughout. He's abit rough around the edges and does not always know how to provide support in certain cases, but he always has good intentions and makes sacrifices to push for my happiness and well-being. His presence makes my life better in so many ways.

I still don't truly believe in myself and my abilities, unfortunately. I find it much more natural and comfortable to lay back into the whole "I can't do it" concept and just lay there, hope for the best. I'm having trouble finding the drive, as things don't look very bright in terms of my energy levels, abilities and skills.

However, I must applaud myself for taking actions for certain things that matter to me - This year has been a journey of self-expression and self-care. Whether it's refreshing my closet multiple times, getting my nails done, new shoes, new clothes, hair, house, and the like, it's all me (spending money to) set the foundation to build the life I want to live, and how I want to portray myself to the world. I still have some time to go, such as cleaning out my room, donating that pile of clothes in the corner, and losing weight, but I've taken action on the 2 last aspects of myself recently - my hair and face, and this is, I think, something worth applauding about. As well as research on nails, as 35 bucks a month is WAY more affordable than anything prior.

I've been wanting to do all these cosmetic things for so long, but my previous job was too tiring/time-consuming and it wasn't practical to do all this anyway. Now that I have the opportunity to, I'm so glad.

Another thing that happened in the last year or 2, is that I am really starting to get my finances in check. Next year by June, I should have sorted out my insurance as well.

I do admit, that I have spent alot more money due to the cosmetic aspects of my growth this year, but I would like to think that I am also more purposeful of my spending.

These are the above that I have improved upon, which i do feel somewhat more confident about. So we've tackled the outside, let's move back into the inside.

Believing in my abilities in doing whatever is still a challenge I face, and this would be something I will add to my new years resolution.

1) Cultivate a "can-do" mentality for majority of tasks.

2) Lose at least 5kg by Dec 2025.

3) Exercise 3 times a week consistently.

Thank you for being here.

With love,

S