#the supplementals are so fun cause its always like

[mag200]

jon i love you you are so stupid sometimes god bless. thats my man fr <33

[fleurhcss]

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐨 𝐈𝐭 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 - Seungmin x FEM!Reader

cw: some cunty and kinky shit, very hard sex, best friends to lovers, very possessive and hard dom seungmin with a sweet trait (im sorry i love my minnie), bratty reader, you are really a whore, stripper reader, mention of alchool and jealousy, handcuff

sw: hair pulling, pinv, cunnilingus, oral (M! receving), orgasm denial, multiple orgasm, scratching, biting, marking, bit of blood cuz seungmin is very kinky bastard MDNI!

wc: 7k

synopsis: Financially, you are not doing well. In addition to your part-time job, you attend some clubs in the evenings in order to earn a little more money. You do not mind showing off, as you love receiving compliments from men and finding new partners with whom to engage in sexual intercourse in order to satisfy your sexual frustrations. Your closest friend, Seungmin, is unaware of these circumstances. Given his protective nature, it is likely that he would take extreme measures to protect you. One unexpected outcome of the situation is that the individual in question has become a possessive dominant. He unintentionally discovers the extent of your job. This results in a particularly harsh fuck between the two, during which he is merciless. Your initial perception of him was that of a kind and gentle individual. However, upon further reflection, it becomes evident that he is, in fact, a complex and intriguing character. His actions and demeanor often elicit a strong emotional response, including feelings of intense arousal and even physical sensations such as bleeding.

a/n: hiii, I'm writing this since the chanel event! I'm sorry if i take request so sloowly but it's exam ses. now! Hope you will like this, i had fun writing it 🫶🏻🩷 made especially for this cutie @chrizzztopherbang . I opened a ko-fi account, i will post there some stories and drawings, if you want to support me i will be grateful to anyone who wants to give me tips, ITS NOT OBLIGATORY

[ SMUT ]

Another day at one of your many jobs. Lately you have been having financial problems. These included paying for university fees, rent, food, bills and other necessities. To supplement your income, you have been working four different jobs: bartending, librarian, after-school care every other day, and nightclub work every night. Your friends were unaware of this aspect of your life, as it caused you considerable embarrassment to discuss it. However, you did not feel uncomfortable about it. The practice of tipping for extra services was beneficial, although not all men were comfortable with it. Some men were able to satisfy the sexual frustrations of the women with whom they engaged in such activities. At this point, you were in the midst of a professional endeavour, helping high school students to improve their GPAs. It is remarkable that these students held you in such high esteem. Despite the exhaustion that inevitably accompanied the work, you found great satisfaction in your role. As you corrected the maths exercises of the esteemed Hana, an Anglo-Korean girl whom you held in high esteem and who always presented you with exquisite drawings, you contemplated the future once you had completed your current task.

At nine o'clock in the evening you were expected at one of the clubs in the city centre for your usual performance. In addition to the attractive salary, this job had another important advantage: you had always been passionate about dancing, and this was the closest thing you had to it. However, you had been forced to give up dancing for lack of time and money. After finishing the boys' homework and explaining some philosophical concepts and mathematical formulas, you retired to bed to get some rest. Fortunately, it was still six o'clock, allowing you to rest after an already exhausting day. You had studied in the morning, worked in the afternoon and now, in a few hours, you would resume your night work. The strange absence of your best friend's usual appearance or phone call had not yet occurred. At least he was fine. Seungmin was your best friend. He had two different personalities: during the day he was a polite and wealthy individual who showed considerable intelligence and respect; at night, when he was with his friends, he became a kind of Don Giovanni heartthrob. There is no denying that he had a certain appeal.

He was very protective of you and never allowed other men to interfere in your romantic life. As a result, he was the first to not know of your secret occupation. It is difficult to predict how he might have reacted, and it may have been for the best that he was not informed. If he ever discovered your secret, he would hunt down the men you were with one by one, and the outcome of that hunt was uncertain. He would then turn his attention to you, giving you a good-natured lecture and possibly resorting to other forms of intimidation. Your best friend was able to make him feel afraid, although you had learned this not from him but from Jisung, Seungmin's best friend, who had been caught having sex with his professor in Seungmin's car. You still remember his displeased behaviour and you were reluctant to provoke him further.

However, your premature declaration of triumph was premature, for he had not telephoned, but had arrived at your home just as you were about to fall into a deep sleep. The most disturbing aspect of the situation was the fact that you had given him the keys to your home, as he had been your closest friend for several years. So there was no need for you to get up and open the door for him, as he suddenly walked into your room in his gym clothes. This was somewhat unexpected, as he had previously expressed no interest in going to the gym. He himself noticed your puzzled expression at his unusual post-gym attire and appearance. "Good afternoon! Don't look at me with such disdain, Changbin Hyung is forcing Jisung, Felix and me to work out with him because he says we're too skinny," and you were overcome with laughter. The aforementioned were remarkably thin, consisting of two adorable little men with minimal musculature. They looked like little fairies, including Changbin, who seemed to have exaggerated musculature. Seungmin was considerably taller than the others and had broad shoulders. The image of him working out with them was quite funny.

"It's funny to consider the prospect of you working out with them. It is equally amusing to consider the prospect of you doing any kind of training at all, considering your past dislike of training," you concluded, making yourself comfortable and making room for your friend to sit next to you on the bed. He gave you a friendly pat on the arm and pouted in a way that was both endearing and characteristic of him. You had coined the term "Seungballons" to describe this particular pout, as it resembled a balloon. Furthermore, the addition of a pout in the form of a kiss would invariably render one unconscious. You found this behaviour endearing, and it prompted you to engage in a reciprocal act of affection by kissing him on the cheeks. "Ugh, in the end I have to admit that it is not without merit. It is a long-standing affair that is difficult to notice because of my tendency to wear baggy clothes. However, I have gained a considerable amount of muscle mass. Look." He said as he lifted the shirts he was wearing, causing you to be quite shocked because, yes, your friend had two pecs and a well-developed six-pack. His physical appearance provoked a strong emotional response, but he was your closest friend and you were unable to entertain such thoughts.

"You must tell Changbin that he has done an excellent job with you," you swallowed, made a feigned smile and drank some water, trying to erase the image of your best friend's partially naked body from your mind - although you did not mind. "I will, and I am grateful to you, my dear . Although we're going to a club tomorrow night; would you like to come?" he asked. You froze, considering the possibility of being caught. However, they did not usually frequent such places, so you had some protection if your luck did not turn against you. "I would like to tell you that I am unable to attend. I have a full day's work and then I have to prepare for an upcoming exam. Nevertheless, I would be interested to know where you are going, if I may ask." "I am not sure. Binnie Hyung informed us that he had discovered a new place and we were curious to know more about it," Seungmin said thoughtfully, and you felt a sense of relief that you still had the opportunity to withdraw.

But you were not convinced by your friend's desperate expression; you suspected he was hiding something. "Are you okay, Min?" you asked as you adjusted his bangs. "Yes, and I am worried about the taste of some of my hyungs, to be honest," he replied, leading you onto the bed and initiating a bout of tickling. That afternoon, your thoughts were not on the information your friend had given you. Instead, you found yourself contemplating his toned, naked chest. You had not anticipated his physical attractiveness, especially given his previous behaviour. You had grown accustomed to his puppy-dog appearance, with its endearingly youthful features.

So you did not consider the possibility that he might have been working out.

It was obvious that the ensemble suited him. Seungmin already had broad shoulders and one of your vices was to lean on them when watching a film or going out. It was a habit you had developed, but it was not a common occurrence. "Please don't change the subject. I'm curious about Changbin's tastes."

You giggled and pulled yourself together again. Seungmin was no innocent, so he blushed slightly.

His former partners had confirmed this to you, as they had discussed his sexual performance in great detail. However, he was ashamed to discuss certain topics in public or with you, as you were his best friend. He saw you as an innocent girl, which you were not. "Let's say he has a taste for strippers and nightclubs. That is all I am saying, and I am aware that it is a rather embarrassing subject".

He finished by running his hand over his face, making you chuckle.

"As if you had never seen a woman without her clothes on." You made the claim. In fact, he had observed numerous instances of female nudity, including those of his romantic partners.

"Yes, but I was with them. I am not like Hyung who has adventures with women who lap dance for him in night clubs". Had he been aware of this, he would have realised that this is exactly what you do for a living. "You have never considered fucking a woman you are not romantically involved with and who is not your girlfriend?" you inquired as you began to manipulate the fabric of his suit. "No, I'm... shy," he replied, biting his lip. He was looked at with a certain amount of disbelief.

" You! are shy?" you asked, looking at him with an expression that even he, as your closest friend, could not interpret. "Yes, I am," he replied, grimacing and then playfully pushing you. "You're really weird, Kim Seungmin," you pushed him back and then initiated a tickling session, blushing as you felt how well trained and sculpted he was under your touch. It was not the first time you had touched a well-trained chest, but Seungmin's did something to you. Maybe it was because he was your closest friend, or maybe it was because he was different from the others you had met, or maybe it was because you were used to seeing him consistently and exclusively as a thin individual with broad shoulders.

It can be argued that, without meaning to, you became preoccupied with fantasies about Seungmin to an extent that was inappropriate. Not only had you been friends for years, but he was one of your closest friends. Although you found it difficult to erase certain images of him from your mind, you felt guilty about thinking about him in a certain way. It is also worth noting that your nighttime occupation presented certain challenges. It would be highly undesirable for any of your friends, especially Seungmin, to become aware of your nighttime activities. On reflection, Seungmin had mentioned visiting a nightclub. If he were to find you on duty at one of the clubs where you were a regular, your situation would be untenable. It is unclear how Seungmin perceived you, but it is unlikely that he saw you as a dancer in one of the clubs that your best friend's best friend appreciated.

He suddenly asked what he should wear, causing you to look at him with a certain amount of concern. Your best friend was known for his occasional eccentricities. "Excuse me, but do I look like an expert on nightclubs to you?" you inquired, your tone betraying a certain concern. "No, but as a woman you might have the knowledge to dress me in a manner that would impress," he replied, almost shyly, though his demeanour betrayed his true feelings. "So my dear Min wants to impress a girl?" you inquired, playfully pinching his cheek as you laughed. He looked at you with a look of displeasure. "I am a man and I have not fucked for several months. I have certain... needs. By the way, it is undoubtedly a challenge for me to refrain from emotional connection during fucks. However, I cannot resist certain urges. Perhaps at the end of the night I can get a positive response from someone," he said in a low voice, his hands covering his face. "Are you really saying that you want to fuck while being all shy, Kim Seungmin?" You laughed in his face for the umpteenth time. "What do you want? It seems like you haven't fucked for a long time." He tousled your hair, but watching your expression closely, he returned it with a confused one, to say the least.

The problem was that you lacked the ability to lie effectively, especially in the context of deceiving him. As a result, you often displayed peculiar facial expressions that he was able to read with remarkable clarity. "Oh my God, fuck! You fucked with someone and didn't tell me?" he asked, his expression showing more anger than offence. "That is not true. You are imagining these events," you replied, trying to maintain a neutral expression. "Yes, you did. You fucked and did not tell me about it. You know you cannot lie to me, Y/N," he said, biting his lip with an expression that was both serious and intense. The atmosphere had become noticeably more intense, with a palpable sense of unease and tension. You were in a compromising situation and had placed yourself in a vulnerable position. You could have been sure that you felt the first drops of perspiration forming on your face. However, you were forced to end the discussion before it got to the heart of the matter. The most expedient course of action was to acknowledge that it had happened, even if in a limited way. "It happened on a few occasions when I was drunk, but it was not a regular occurrence," you said, trying to give a concise account. Nevertheless, he was not inclined to inquire about the incident in question.

"Only a few times when you were drunk? Are you crazy? What if something had happened to you?" There was the protective Seungmin you wanted to avoid. You were grateful for his concern and lack of complaints, but sometimes it became unbearable. "Still, it didn't happen. I am mature enough to understand the consequences of my actions, Seungmin," you said, pointing at him with your finger as if to admonish him. "Yes, I am aware of that, but I am concerned for your well-being," he said, grabbing your arm and then taking a bite. It could be described as a unique form of affection with which he expressed his apology to you. "I am aware, Seung, but don't worry, I am fully aware of my actions," you smiled at him, taking his face in your hand and planting a kiss on his forehead. "You should return home, as you are in a rather foul state, Mr Gym," you playfully admonished him, giving him a light tap on the shoulder before he left your domicile.

The working day was going to be quite long.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

You were deeply distressed and felt considerable discomfort throughout your body. At work the night before, you were forced to work an extended overtime shift (for which you were paid only half the normal rate). This resulted in a complex set of experiences, including physical pain and a significant financial reward. You were required to have sexual intercourse with two people, a task which you found unpleasant, particularly given the lack of arousal involved. However, the remuneration was satisfactory and you did not express any significant dissatisfaction. You were aware that the nature of the work was inequitable, but you found it necessary and occasionally used it as a means of satisfying certain desires. Fortunately, you had acquired the ability to fake an orgasm, which you used on some occasions, such as yesterday. At that time you were lying in bed, surrounded by books for your upcoming exam, and in a few hours you would have to go to work in the morning.

That night, despite your best efforts, you had to go to a club in the city centre. You had completely forgotten that Changbin was going to take Seungmin and the others to a club in the city centre, which could very well have been the one you were on duty at that night. However, you had not considered this possibility and your mind was so preoccupied that it kept slipping away. So you prepared discreetly for your exam, unaware that that night was the perfect opportunity for you to meet your closest friend, who was likely to be visibly distressed. You were due to perform your duties that afternoon and hoped that the number of customers would be relatively small, given your limited mobility.

The mere anticipation of returning to work that night caused a deep sense of anxiety. You hoped that no one would ask for private shows or other activities that you sometimes found unpleasant. The only desire was to rest and wake in a pool of wealth. You rose listlessly to prepare your lunch. It was not possible to combine work and rest in this way, so you had to take painkillers and vitamins.

You then found yourself preparing and serving smoothies and ice creams in your favourite café. Your day went on as usual. What you did not anticipate was the presence of your closest friend at the table you were to serve. One might ask whether you should not have been preparing for your evening activities. One is tempted to inquire about the nature of their joint venture in a café a few hours before their nightclubbing. They expressed their displeasure at the proprietor's suggestion that they should hurry to serve the aforementioned table, and furthermore, they could not avoid the situation, as Seungmin was aware that this was a table assigned to you, and sat there consistently with the intention of being served.

After a long period of contemplation, you approached them. "Good evening, shouldn't you be getting ready for your clubbing night?" you said, your tone sarcastic. Your friend smiled at you and pinched your side. You wanted to run away. "Jisung is unable to consume alcohol unless he has had a meal or smoothie beforehand," Felix informed him, drawing a scornful look from him. "It is not recommended to consume alcohol on an empty stomach." The boy explained that alcohol is absorbed more quickly into the bloodstream and the effects of intoxication are more pronounced. "Isn't that the point of going to nightclubs? And who told you this? Your respected professor?" the older boy asked jokingly. They looked at each other with a strange expression and Seungmin continued to explain the matter: Jisung had a somewhat unconventional relationship with one of his university professors, characterised by frequent flirting. "I have to respectfully disagree. Minho is a very good professor," he replied, blushing. Her expression was unmistakable. "You're calling him by his first name now, too," he observed, causing a general outburst of mirth, especially the adorable blush on Jisung's chubby cheeks.

"So what can I get for you?" you inquired, interrupting the conversation to take their orders and get out of your friend's company. You were particularly keen to avoid the question from your friend, who would undoubtedly invite you to the evening's event.

You had only been there a few minutes when you noticed Seungmin casting furtive glances in your direction and his friends teasing him about something you did not understand. Unbeknownst to you, they were teasing him about the fleeting glances he was sending your way. "Seungmin, did you notice that you are eating her with your eyes?" inquired Felix, appropriating the cherry from his milkshake. "That's not right," he replied, taking a sip from his glass. "Indeed it is. One might suggest that you ask her out," the blonde continued. "That would be an unusual and somewhat awkward situation, and then I believe she might be involved in a nocturnal affair, or perhaps even a series of them," he said, lowering his head. "And you are jealous! "Which leads to the question if this is what you want to do tonight," Changbin inquired. "Be silent. It is possible that I am indeed jealous. "

The observed behaviour was merely the incessant movement of lips in an attempt to escape the source of discomfort as quickly as possible. Fortunately, twenty minutes later the group left and Seungmin offered you a quick kiss on the cheek. This sparked further merriment among his small group of friends, causing you to become increasingly suspicious. Your only concern was to avoid running into them at the nightclub where you were working that night. This had been your intention since yesterday, since your closest friend had informed you of it. Your anxiety about this matter was greater than your concern about your inability to dance effectively due to the discomfort of the previous night.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

In the midst of your preparations for the upcoming show, you were forced to change your clothes in a hurry. Fortunately, you had already finished your make-up. The evening dress was of a revealing nature and the dancing was expected to be energetic. It was hoped that the wearer would not feel uncomfortable. Your colleague entered your dressing room and informed you that you were about to perform, so you began your usual stage performance for adolescent and middle-aged males.

The only people missing were those you expected to see at the club. The only discernible difference was that they were watching you, watching you with particular interest, especially your closest friend, who opened his eyes wide as he consumed no less than two shots in the space of three minutes. "What is she doing there?" he asked, clenching his fists as he fixed his gaze on you. "I'm sure there must be an explanation, and maybe she didn't tell you because she didn't want you to worry," Jisung said, grabbing his shoulders behind Changbin as Seungmin seemed on the verge of exploding. "She's undeniably attractive," the shorter one remarked, drawing a withering look from the younger one. "Hyung, I strongly recommend you not to make any advances towards her. It is already difficult enough for me not to pick her up from the stage, but I assure you that as soon as she goes to the dressing room, I will not let her get away from me." He downed another shot of vodka.

It is unfortunate that at the end of your nightly performance, another person followed you into the dressing room and you failed to notice the presence of Seungmin, who was standing directly behind you and had suddenly issued a silent threat. The incident was so severe that when you turned around you suffered a stroke and lost the ability to speak. Your situation was indeed very screwed up. "Seungmin, I can..." you were abruptly interrupted and led to your dressing room where he sat you down at your personal table. His gaze was one of intense desire, imbued with the combined effects of alcohol and rage. You had never seen him in such a state. "Explain? What exactly do you want to explain to me? Explain how you sold your body without ever telling me?" He said, grabbing your waist. That should not have aroused you.

"I have economic problems and this is the only job that offers a satisfactory salary," you said in your defence. "I am indifferent to the matter. I could have helped". You are my property, OK? No one is allowed to touch you, Y/N". He then kissed you with considerable passion and force. This was a source of considerable distress for you, as it was different from your expectations of the situation. Although you experienced a degree of pleasure, the situation remained somewhat unusual. His hands were of considerable size and appeared to be a suitable instrument for caressing. "Why not? Who decided that I belong to you?" you inquired in a teasing manner. At this point the situation became increasingly amusing for you as well. "I must now erase the memory of this unclean contact before I had the opportunity to do so," he whispered into your ear before reaching down into the hollow of your neck and allowing you to ingest the substance. "Seungmin, my legs are tired. I am unable to walk," you informed him, indicating your own limitations. "There are numerous other ways to satisfy our mutual desires, and we will address this particular issue at a later time." Furthermore, I am. While I wish to destroy you, I would never take advantage of a woman in this state. Remarkably, he remained in character as the usual Seungmin knight.

"What are you going to do in my dressing room?" you asked, watching as he bent down between your thighs and pulled off the suit you had worn for the evening. "I am not sure. I have a craving, if I may be so bold as to say." He smiled. This young man you had previously considered a potential threat to your sanity. He found your body aesthetically pleasing. He began another insatiable and passionate kiss. His hands descended in a sweeping motion, tracing a path down your body, cupping your thighs and gradually rising to your buttocks, which he gripped firmly in a vice-like grip. "Your beauty is such that it is unconscionable to wait any longer. I want you and I want to play a little," Seungmin said with a sneer in his voice. Then he moved you to the small sofa with the instruction to straddle his body. He proceeded to kiss your neck, leaving a series of marks. It was inevitable that he would bite you, it was apparently a habit of his. You had learnt it from his exes. He would bite you to let you know he owned you, bite you until you bled, and lick the mess he made. This aroused you considerably. He smiled, indicating that he understood. You were in a state where he could do as he pleased. No other person had ever made you feel such intense arousal.

"Look at you, you are ready for me to do anything I want to you." He was not aware of this either.

The young man moved closer to you, initiating another passionate kiss as he cupped your neck with one hand and used the other to caress your intimacy. The movements were slow at first, but soon accelerated as your best friend removed your panties and quickly stroked your clit. When he became tired, he began a long series of kisses on your inner thighs. He then grabbed your thighs and brought them up to his shoulders. He then began to leave kisses on your vagina. "Please don't wait any longer," you said and Seungmin laughed and then began to lick your cunt in a long slow motion. He cupped your ass as he massaged it. You had been waiting for this moment ever since he had put his thin, large hands on your waist the day before.

"Seungmin, please..." you almost begged him before arching your back in a series of involuntary gasps, clinging to the back of the sofa as best you could. You looked at him, pressing harder against his face, wanting more and more. He laughed as he watched the reactions he was provoking in you with each touch, which only served to increase his desire to possess you. He grinned as he continued what he had begun. His hands were firmly harpooned in your bottom and thanks to the pleasure you were experiencing, you had thrown your head back. He laughed again as his tongue continued its work. He found the taste of you on his taste buds particularly delicious, sending him into a state of intense pleasure. He was deeply and passionately in love with you, with every aspect of your being. His nose came into contact with your pubic hair as a result of the depth of penetration achieved with his tongue. He was enjoying himself to a considerable degree, as evidenced by your moans and the pulling of strands of his hair. Seungmin was not uncomfortable with this aspect of your behaviour, in fact he found it erotic in a special way. He smiled as his tongue explored your orifice in slow, circular movements designed to bring you to a state of ecstasy. Seungmin silently enjoyed the experience. His only goal was to ensure your pleasure. His hands moved to the sides of your thighs, which he slapped hard. He took pleasure in leaving his marks, but he would never do anything to harm you; he worshipped you.

Then his hands moved in a circular motion, grasping your thighs and placing them on your shoulders. His mouth, which had previously been in contact with your clit, moved to sink his teeth into your inner thigh. He took pleasure in leaving his marks on you. No one was allowed to touch his woman; you were his and his alone. You were his. A pocket knife emerged from his boot, the purpose of which was unclear. However, before this could be determined, he took your labia majora between his teeth and pulled them towards him, pressing them against his mouth in order to suck your clitoris. This was done in a manner reminiscent of sucking a straw. He then drew a thin line with the blade of the penknife, leaving a streak of blood, all the way to your mound. This brought you to a state of considerable arousal. He withdrew from your vulva, reached up to begin his work, and began to lick the warm, crimson liquid that was slowly oozing from the wound. In addition, the moans of pain and pleasure you gave him drove him to a state of unprecedented ecstasy. The sensation of your mouth alone was more fulfilling than any other experience. He continued to suck on the blood dripping from the wound, causing further lesions on his breasts, around his nipples, in his groin and near his navel. This only accelerated his orgasm. Furthermore, when he inserted two fingers into your mouth, which was already open, he continued to stimulate your tongue. "Look at you... my submissive slut," he said, smiling.

He sneered as he took your face between his fingers. The picture showed you in a blood-soaked state. After a short interval, he withdrew his fingers and proceeded to stimulate your orifice by alternately inserting and withdrawing his digit. This was done in such a way as to create a deep sense of arousal. Seungmin was fascinated by the prospect of fucking you at that moment. "What is your desire, my princess?" "Not that you can do much in this state," he said, laughing, referring to his fingers inside you. "I want to touch you," you whispered, your voice hoarse from the constant moaning. "You can do better than that," he winked, then pulled away and sat you down on your side, then stood up, took off his trousers and sat down beside you. You stood frozen for a moment at the sight of his length; he was tall and compact. You had never seen one like it before.

"I see you are happy with it, Princess," he said, bringing your face close to his. You had fully perceived what he was trying to achieve. You were fully aware of his intentions. You were incapable of uttering any further words, as if his imposing stature had put you in a state of trance. He then proceeded to rub the head of his member against your lips in what appeared to be a teasing manner. It was not difficult for you to open your lips and make contact with the glans. You then proceeded to suck on the tip and then ran your tongue along the entire circumference and veins. You stimulated the testicles with your hands, causing him to moan hoarsely. As you continued to insert him fully into your mouth until you reached the uvula, you let out a moan that caused his member to tremble. This elicited a high-pitched moan from him.

"Fuck, baby like that." He explained that by grabbing your hair and then fucking your mouth, you were sure that you would come again if he continued.Indeed, your assumption proved to be correct.

That is exactly what happened.

"Fuck Y/N, I'm coming, take it off," he said, removing his hand from your hair. But you had no intention of removing your mouth. You grabbed his thighs and thrust his member deep into your throat, causing him to release inside you with a long, audible moan. You swallowed, licked your lips and looked at him. "You are incomprehensibly unaware of the effect you have on me," he winked. "I can, however, inform you of the effect you have on me." You giggled, then reached up to his ear and planted a kiss beneath it. "You have brought me to another orgasm," you said with a hint of mockery.

"Now, if it pleases you, I would be grateful for a date and to clean you up," he smiled as he led you to your private bathroom. "I would be most honoured, sir," you replied, laughing. It was not the ending you had expected.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

The experience of being discovered by Seungmin during a night shift would not be on any normal person's bucket list. However, the incident led to a change in your life. Seungmin had persuaded you to quit your job at a nightclub because he was concerned about your welfare and did not want you to be used as a mere object by men. Among other things, he had offered to support you financially until you found suitable alternative employment. He helped you to find a job that offered a comparable income and was adamant that it did not involve the exploitation of your body for sexual gratification. Although you were initially reluctant, given your long-standing opposition to his financial support, you eventually agreed.

The unexpected meeting also took place. He had invited you shortly after your encounter in the dressing room while he was discreetly cleaning up the mess. To be honest, you had never considered Seungmin as a potential romantic partner. However, your perspective had gradually changed over time. Back then, his friends, who were also your friends, had informed you that he had been casting furtive glances at you and had developed an interest in you. This confused you at first, but you eventually got used to it. You also had to prepare mentally for the meeting.

You did not deny that you were a little apprehensive; you were unsure of the destination he had in mind for this evening. He had instructed you to dress in a way that was both comfortable and tasteful, but your anxiety was growing. After a long shower, you began to look through your wardrobe, but it was difficult to choose an outfit without knowing where you were going. In the end, however, you chose a relatively simple ensemble consisting of a black ruffled skirt, not too short, and a top of the same colour that left your shoulders bare and had a boat neckline. You wore your beloved wedges. If you had to choose between them and heels, based on what Seungmin had told you about elegance and comfort, you would have chosen the latter. Your make-up was minimal, your hair was wavy and fell to your shoulders, your necklace was tightly fastened around your neck and all your jewellery was in its proper place. You completed your ensemble with a fruity and very sugary perfume before heading into the living room to wait for your no longer best friend.

Seungmin arrived shortly afterwards with a large bouquet of roses, in keeping with his reputation as a gallant man. You smiled as you remembered that he had not been in bed with you, especially after the knife performance. He said, "For you, my princess," and then kissed you on the lips. The anticipation of the evening's events had been palpable, yet the simplicity of the act itself evoked a deep sense of emotional resonance. The culmination of this experience was the tender kiss beneath the earlobe, accompanied by the words, "I hope you are well prepared as we have a long night ahead of us".

It was your firm belief that if he had continued to talk to you like this throughout the evening, you would have been so aroused that you would have removed your underwear, even if there had been no physical contact. In fact, you sighed before placing the roses in a vase of water and accompanying him to the car. It was a revelation to you that the vehicle in question was of considerable size. It was also admitted that Seungmin looked particularly handsome that night. He was wearing a black tank top and loose black trousers. His appearance was complemented by a leather jacket and jewellery. His footwear consisted of half-heeled ankle boots, which were as black as the rest of his outfit. His hair was lightly gelled and curly. He was a man of considerable qualities and attributes. You licked your lips and he watched, giving you the opportunity to do so. It was inevitable that he would drive you out of your mind as soon as he could.

There was no denying that the car ride had contributed to the evening's events. He held your thigh firmly in his hand and massaged your skin, occasionally reaching under the fabric of your skirt. He was aware that this was having a positive effect on you and you were similarly pleased by the experience. He felt a sense of predatory intent, like a predator with a vulnerable prey in his grasp.

The evening was going well. He had taken you to a modest restaurant at an elevated location, and you had enjoyed a sumptuous meat dish accompanied by an excellent wine. It was obvious that he had not missed the opportunity to cast certain glances at you as he sipped the vin rouge in his glass. He continued to look at you in an increasingly intimidating manner. The conversation went well and you had always enjoyed his company. The topics were varied and engaging, even when a situation had developed between you that couldn't be defined with a specific term. However, it seemed that Seungmin had anticipated your thoughts, as he initiated a discussion on the matter. "Considering that this is a full-fledged date, I would like to suggest that we raise the status of our relationship to boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't think there's any need for a proper dating, as I'm aware of your preferences," he said, raising his eyebrows as he took another sip of wine. "I agree, except for one thing: you do not know me well enough to have discovered my clandestine activities." You provoked him, knowing how the subject would arouse his jealousy. "I did not expect you to go so far." "I have always thought of you as my princess and hoped that you would eventually ask for my help." He wrinkled his nose. "Minie, it is important for me to be able to support myself. I am grateful for your help, but once I have secured employment, I would prefer you to stop helping me, okay?" you smiled with a pout in response.

Perhaps I should pay and we could go to my place?" he asked, smiling, before wiping his lips and getting to his feet. You did the same, but were stopped by him. He took your hand and kissed it before leading you to the exit. "This dinner is a date, and I am paying as usual. You are my friend and I will treat you properly," he said, making you blush. The gentleman in question displayed admirable behaviour and etiquette when dealing with women. He knew how to treat women with the respect and consideration they deserved. It is worth noting that in addition to the bedroom activities mentioned above, you had also gained an understanding of his somewhat eccentric behaviour outside the bedroom. You then waited outside the restaurant for him to return. He reappeared shortly afterwards, accompanied by a second bottle of red wine. "It was an excellent meal, and I have a plan for tonight. You'll see what I'm capable of, my dear," he said with a chuckle, then led you to the car and drove you both to his home.

To say that he did not even allow you the opportunity to survey the surroundings, despite your intimate familiarity with the house, was an understatement.

He immediately picked you up and carried you to his bed.

He then disappeared, returning with two goblets of wine.That night will remain indelibly etched in your memory.You watched as Seungmin took off his jacket and black shirt, leaving the vision to his well defined abs and the glittering necklace he was wearing.As you watched him take a sip of wine after almost completely undressing, you had to admit that his actions made your entire body tremble. Your panties were now soaked. "Now, Princess, undress for me," he said, grinning and licking his lips.He then lay on the bed with one hand behind his head and the other holding the goblet.

By this time the positions had been reversed, with the man on the bed watching your every move while you knelt in front of him, removing each piece of clothing until you were completely naked in front of him.

"How beautiful, come closer," he murmured. You approached him on all fours, the naked intimacy of your body matching his, still fully clothed. He watched you for a long time, as if to etch your image into his memory. You smiled and shivered as he began a gentle caress of your form. He caressed your cheek, shoulder and breasts in that order. He then moved to the other breast with his free hand, having previously placed the cup on the table. He began to massage it at a slow and deliberate pace, appreciating the texture of your skin. He then teased your nipple with his fingers, before pouncing on it with his lips and doing the same to the other. One hand, which had previously been at the back of your neck, now moved to your waist, where it began to caress it. His touch was so seductively overpowering that it left you breathless. He applied pressure to your hip as his lips played with your breasts. He then moved to your shoulders, biting and branding them. Your hands were clenched in his shoulders, scratching them lightly as you rubbed your vulva against the covered flap of his trousers. "Wait a moment, I want to feel you on me," he whispered in your ear.

He separated your bodies for a brief moment, then proceeded to undress you completely, allowing your intimacies to collide. "How about riding me?" he asked, smiling and winking. Your lips parted in surprise at the mere suggestion. It was highly unlikely that you would have survived the night. Seungmin was like a mermaid whose enchanting song was meant to captivate and enchant. You swallowed and then nodded in agreement. You applied gentle pressure to the head of his penis between your labia, causing you to pant and eliciting a moan from the Major. He had brought one arm back behind your head while the other held you tightly against him, increasing the contact. You lowered yourself completely onto him, allowing him to enter and fuck you completely, which he did with considerable force. Your moans mingled, accompanied by a soft exclamation of "Fuck!" from him. "Your cunt is both tight and warm, which feels very good. You should start to move," he instructed, and you complied. Normally such an act would have been abhorrent to you, but with him it was all so natural.

As he stroked your hips, you had begun to move at a slower pace. It was a sensation you had never experienced with any other partner. It was as if Seungmin had an innate understanding of the exact places and techniques needed to touch you. Your movements became faster and faster and your nails were driven into his back. "Min, I'm coming. I can feel it. My thighs are burning. Please, speed up!" You were on the verge. "No, not yet," you grunted, then changed positions. You vocalised your displeasure as he withdrew from your embrace, feeling a sense of emptiness. At this point you were positioned beneath him as he continued to penetrate you, his imposing frame towering over you.

You were sure that an orgasm was imminent, given his position on top of you as he thrust vigorously into you. However, he seemed to disagree, indicating that he was not interested in facilitating an orgasm. He claimed that it was too early for such a reaction. So he withdrew from you, leaving you with an empty feeling. "Please, Seung, I can no longer stand it," you begged him. Only after he had pushed you with an animal force did he give you permission to come. "Your warmth and tightness are so arousing...come for me," he whispered, allowing you to release yourself around him. He informed you that they had not yet reached the end of the act. He then turned you over on your stomach and began to leave bites and marks on your back, tracing a trail of them all over your ass. He continued to lick and slap the area between your buttocks, causing you to moan. Despite this, you still had some residual sensitivity from the previous orgasm.

You were unable to speak as he sank back into you, twisting your hair in his grip and pulling it towards him as he thrust violently, abusing your cunt. You arched your back and rolled your eyes, no one had ever given you such intense pleasure. "Ah... Seungmin... please..." you moaned one last time before you came again. "Who gave you permission?" he demanded, thrusting at a surprisingly fast pace. It was relatively easy for you to reach your third orgasm in a row that night. "Seungmin, I'm about to..." The words were barely audible.

"Come with me," he groaned and then proceeded to ejaculate into you and you after him, now exhausted. "I will get you the necessary cleaning supplies," he murmured, then stroked your side and got a cloth soaked in warm, damp water to clean you. He then tied your hair into a braid and made you a cup of hot tea after dressing you in a pair of clean briefs and one of his shirts. "You look so lovely," you murmured, trying to relax on his chest. "It's the least I can do after making you come how many times?" he said, laughing as he pinched your side. "Three, but don't boast, sir," you gave him a tongue-lashing. "Do all gentlemen do it rough?" you burst out laughing.

TAGLIST 🎀 : @yongbokkiesworld @gloomy-k @raindropsondragons @linocvp1d @iiamthedramaa @snowyquokka @pynchkilledme @y4kie @ihrtlix @hyunjinnnsgirl @sugarsweetsugarsweet @reader1221 @bubblebisk @chrizzztopherbang @skzooluvr @yoontaethings @ovr9000

[anhonestdaysworkcomic]

TELL US SOMETHING COOL AVOUT MEDIEVAL FARMING PLEASE!!!

GLADLY

ALSO sorry this took so long to answer. Every time I remembered I wanted to reply, I was at work and didn't have my notes in front of me.

SOME THINGS I THINK ARE COOL ABOUT MEDIEVAL FARMING (and/or historical farming because some of these are earlier)

So the Romans are usually credited with bringing the coulter (a sharp knife at the end of a plough) to the Celts, but there's evidence the Celts already had this technology due to 7th century carvings found on a rock in Val Camonica. Pliny also wrote that the Celts in Raetia invented the wheeled plough

Also! Apparently ploughs were usually shared throughout villages and were kept at the church to be rented out accordingly

The Celts also had a harvesting machine as early as the 2nd century!! The Celts called it a messor (and the Romans called it a vallus) but its essentially a cart with "teeth" on it and as it's pulled through a field (by oxen) the grain/corn would be pulled through said teeth and the ear would be torn off the stalk and fall into the cart

Another neat thing I found was how the Celts stored their grain!! They would place the harvested grain in souterrains- which were large holes dug into rock (usually chalk) and then covered and sealed with moist clay and then topped w soil. Apparently as the grain is exposed to the damp walls they germinate and use up all the oxygen while also releasing carbon dioxide which causes the grain to sit in a sort of suspended animation, keeping it preserved.

They also used small, raised granaries as a storage method, but I think the souterrain is cooler. You can also make silage with a souterrain!! (silage is fermented grass to feed your animals as a supplement to Hay)

Also Hay is just dried grass. I always thought it was a grain or something like wheat. But no, it's dried grass. Also you can't harvest hay if it rains. You need like a week of good weather so the hay can dry out before you bundle it and deposit into a barn/hut/loft

I also learned there's different farming. You can do pastoral or arable farming (or some combination of the two.) But pastoral farming is about cultivating animals and arable farming is about growing crops, and what you focused on tended to be dictated by the landscape. Steep areas are hard to grow crops on, so you'd focus on animals (especially ones that do good with unsure footing like sheep and goats.) But if you have nice weather and flatter land then you'd focus on growing crops

I'm planning to place this story in a setting similar to the Alps, and they have a fun tradition where in the spring they migrate their cattle to higher altitudes (the actual alps) so they can graze in high altitude pastures during the summer (there's also a lot of cheese making during this time,) and then during the fall the cows migrate back down to the valley before it gets too cold

Oh, and this is a silly tidbit; but apparently Julius Ceaser thought the Celts regarded chickens as holy and thought that they never ate them. The Celts did eat their chickens (waste not want not and all that.) They also used to host chicken fights

I've learned a lot more than this, but these are the best tidbits

Thank you for asking!! This was my favorite ask to get!!

[reikiajakoiranruohoja]

W5: Why do I think it is bad

When W20 (Werewolf the Apocalypse 20th anniversary edition) came out, it was a joyous occasion for multiple reasons. First, it was the first proper book released for the game in 10 years. Second, it was proof that the old game still had fans who were willing to try a new edition.

And third; W20 was about hope.

From its beginning comic about rising up to fight despite the odds to the way the book offered chances to play the lost tribes, to the way the supplements followed suit in offering more options and interesting ideas to use, W20 was about going on despite the odds.

This is not the feeling one gets reading Werewolf the Apocalypse 5th edition. Despite being a reboot, the book spends pages guilt-tripping players about playing garou. There is little hope, because being a garou sucks and most importantly; The fight for Gaia might not even be real.

Now, I am not one to say no to Alternative Universes, I enjoy the concept a lot. But W5 is still a game and so needs more than a rant about how badly the garou screwed up, it needs gameplay. And the gameplay W5 offers is sitting in your caern defending your turf while the world around you burns and if you dare to take action? You might become mad and become a fascist.

I need to remind you all that the core of WtA is the fight against pollution, systematic oppression, your own ancestors and your own Rage. The horror is how impossible the fight seems, how easily you can turn on your friends and how tempting an easy way out is.

The horror in W5 is how bad your ancestors were and how terrible it is to be a garou.

Personal Horror has always been the wheelhouse of Vampire the Masquerade, as being a vampire forces you to create justifications for your actions. Werewolf is titled Feral Horror for a reason, the horror is more external than internal. Yet W5 tries to make it internal like in VtM, leaving behind all the environmental horror. Indeed, W5 is written quite clearly with purely urban characters in mind with very little focus on nature.

Anyone who is familiar with NWoD/Chronicle of Darkness should by now notice that this sounds quite a bit like Werewolf the Forsaken. This is because W5 has taken a lot from Forsaken, but without truly understanding the way these parts make Forsaken what it is.

But all of this is, as we say in the community, fluff. What about the mechanics? Surely they are at least fun?

The way Rage works in W5 is extremely punishing because Rage has its own dice that replace normal dice the more you have. If you fail with these dice, your character will destroy something. At best. Worse is that any Rage above the hilariously small maximum of 5 gives your character willpower damage. The kicker is that you cannot choose to use Rage Dice when you want to, nor can you control their use. It is all or nothing.

Rage in the previous editions of WtA was a power versus control trap. You could do amazing things with your Rage, but the more you had the easier it was to lose control and the harder it was to deal with humans. What made Rage such a clever trap, was that gaining more was often based on player action. Those seeking a fast way to power would end up being creatures with very little to no self-control.

Rage Dice are not that, they make the life of a PC hard no matter what they do and at times punish players by taking actions as werewolves.

Another mechanic that punishes and in fact has some really unfortunate implications attached to it is Hauglosk. Stated to be the opposite of Harano, Hauglosk is in reality a way for the ST to punish any player who plays in a way that the ST does not approve. Worse, Hauglosk is at one point stated to be equal to fascism.

On the fluff side, Hauglosk also serves as a way to limit what the PCs can do as the book helpfully notes it manifests in the form of absolute certainty to your cause and the want to act NOW. Since we are on Tumblr here, I should not have to note how baffling that is in a game about activism.

The way Hauglosk is written is most likely to justify the removal of a tribe from the playable roster. The Get of Fenris might have had their issues, but W5's cult of Fenris is said to be utterly lost to Hauglosk. By wanting to keep fighting the Wyrm with certainty. The sheer vitriol this book has for the Get of Fenris is to the point where some tribes do worse things than they do but are still playable. Worse, by the book itself, you can redeem a Black Spiral Dancer but not a Cult of Fenris member.

Let me repeat that; You can redeem a rapist torturer who willingly pollutes and eats humans but you CANNOT redeem a person fighting on the same side as you who is a bit more fanatic about the cause.

This push to make the tribe into essentially fascists didn't come from an edgelord writer. It came from the Brand Manager who pushed for it very hard, while doing their damnedest to take away feminism from the Black Furies and ignored suggestions from Indigenous writer about the Native American tribes. Sadly, because this person still IS the Brand Manager, Furies are no longer women-only and no tribe has ties to any human culture.

(Also, just to be clear; Paradox denied the Onyx Path developers any name changes to the Native American tribes and the only reason their names were changed in W5 is thanks to the aforementioned Indigenous writer fighting for the changes tooth and nail.)

These are only a few things that make W5 a mess, but I hope I shed some light on the issue.

[aro-geo-turtle]

TMA’s narrative structure and its reflection in character dynamics

With the end of @a-mag-a-day, I though it would be a perfect time to post this meta-analysis I’ve been thinking about for ages! Its always fun when a story’s ending wraps back around to its beginning in some way, and TMA dips into this a tiny bit via the “can I have a cigarette” moment, but I think the wider narrative structure and parallels in TMA actually get way more interesting than that. Long rambly analysis below cause I’m a writing nerd, and also remember this is purely my own personal interpretation.

I have three main points to make here.

A: season 4 is a twisted mirror of seasons 1 and 2, which act as a singular narrative unit, while season 5 is just like season 3 but more so in every way.

B: these parallels and mirrors between seasons are symbolized through Jon and Martin’s ever changing relationship.

C: the grand finale of Last Words feels like such an abrupt ending because it breaks the pattern established for how season finales are meant to work.

So let’s look at this chronologically:

Seasons 1 and 2 can be viewed a single unit in the overall narrative structure. They follow the same basic premise: Jon in his office at the Institute, alienated from his 3 assistants, trying to find out the truth about the supernatural. They both have a very slow pace, with only a handful of plot-furthering episodes among mostly world-building statement episodes. Then we have a cliffhanger leading into an action-packed climax, and then a calmer epilogue episode to clarify exactly what just happened and set up the new status quo for the next season. There are obviously differences (added supplementals, the paranoia, Gertrude’s murder, you know), but they follow the same general format. We also see the classic Jon/Martin dynamic established and shared between these two seasons: Martin reaching out to care for Jon, Jon rejecting and pushing him away. 

Season 3: Status quo? Out the window! Jon’s out of the Institute, traveling the world, we’re gone from the traditional 3 assistants to 4. The goal is no longer vaguely learning about the supernatural, we got most of those answers from Leitner. Instead we’re building towards the Unknowing from the very beginning. And the pacing here speeds up dramatically. So much happens, plot moving forward most episodes. This is where Jon and Martin’s dynamic first changes, too, finally becoming a lot more friendly. Some parts of the format stay the same, though. The ending is still made up of high-action climax episodes followed by an epilogue episode to set up the next status quo.

Season 4 is a return to the format of 1 and 2, but all twisted and reversed. Jon is in his office at the Institute, alienated from his 3 assistants, but it’s a totally different set of assistants (Tim, Sasha, Martin to Melanie, Basira, Daisy). We’re back to the slower pace, but after the mile-a-minute speed of S3, it feels agonizingly slow, a waiting game. The characters spend a lot of time sitting around. We know how the supernatural works, and now Jon’s looking for answers on what he’s meant to do about it. Of course, S4 also sees the reversal of Jon and Martin’s early season roles. Now it’s Jon reaching out and Martin rejecting him. And then we hit the finale and the tension that’s built up all season suddenly snaps. Once again, it’s a high-action climax followed by a slower epilogue that sets up season 5.

Season 5 is obviously the biggest status quo change of all. Literally all the rules of the normal world are shattered. It’s season 3 but even more so. We’re not at the Institute (there is no Institute), we don’t have the typical 3 assistants (that role doesn’t really seem to exist anymore). Like with the Unknowing, we have a clear goal from the very start: get to the Panopticon, kill Jonah, bring the world back. While the pace of 3 is rapid-fire, 5 is a steady march forward, episode by episode. Jon and Martin are once again friendly, and even more so, have finally connected and realized their feelings. And then we get to the grand finale. I think the reason the ending feels so abrupt to me and many others is because it finally breaks the format of season finales. Last Words is the action-packed climax episode but it has no epilogue episode. It just ends.

So, yeah! Those are my points. I just find looking at this all very cool.

[emotionally-charged-arson]

Character Spotlight: The Chemist (Ayreon's The Source)

Ask and ye shall receive.

In the grand scheme of countless intertwining Ayreon headcanons infesting my brain, I like to have a nice, compact theme to refer back to for each album. Arjen is borderline intentional about not putting themes in his work, but they creep in anyway and you can dig them up and work off of them with a little elbow grease.

For me, The Source is about loss of purpose, which is sort of an overarching theme of the Forever saga anyway, but it shows up on a more intimate level in this album. Especially when you pull traits for characters out of thin air when you're 14 and eventually find a red thread through the lot of them you didn't actually plan for.

I did a really general overview of most of my versions of the Source cast and their whole deal while they're on Alpha. Just a whole mess of science, religion and state all crammed into one, eventually leading to the 'Frame taking over. In some way or another, these people all know each other and support a cause of some sort. When they're forced to leave their home planet, they have to grapple with the fact that their lives there were altogether pointless and figure out how to embrace the sense of rebirth that's a part of the Forever package.

Almost all of their arcs follow the same overall timeline: they had some *thing* they had worked towards for the better part of their lives, it's all ripped away in an instant with Alpha's destruction, and during their time on Starblade, they work their way back up to a new sense of collective self-worth.

There are, however, a few notable outliers. The Captain, The Chemist and TH-1 still have that theme thing going for them at the end, but how they get there is a little different.

So. Chemist. Like I said, pretty much everyone in the cast has an idea of who everyone else is. Not this guy.

Thomas Giles Rogers is an organic chemist with zero personal affiliation with any other character pre-album story. He graduated from the same enormous central university most of them did, but had no interest in tying his research, much less his entire career, to the fate of the planet itself. Not that he was ever offered or cares about politics at all, but still.

His motivations lie on more personal grounds. Giles is prone to stress, nervous breakdowns in academic settings, all that fun stuff. He always has been. His doctoral dissertation and the ten years of his career following it were dedicated to the synthesization of safe alternatives to sensory deprivation drugs. Either supplemental to the process or replacing it entirely. His "big" project for most of that time was an injection meant to temporarily alter the human respiratory system, allowing someone to breathe underwater for therapeutic processes.

The endeavor was a total failure, for all the resources put into it. Giles is forced to abandon the project after years of constantly being denied grants to pursue its production. People not prioritizing what he wants to use it for, his ineffective presentation, him refusing to let people hire him for research to weaponize it, whatever. All that work was for nothing and it takes genuine a toll on him.

It's really just a career slump, but his self-worth is so firmly attached to his perceived academic success that he can't cope. Four years before TDTTWBD, he drops all his research, picks up some entry-level lab tech job and just goes through the motions. No grandiose motivation to save the world like the rest of these yahoos, just surviving.

But anyhow. Russell does his thing, the 'Frame takes over, and one way or another everyone except Giles is crowded in Nils' basement accepting their fate and hopelessly looking for livable planets with no power or digital resources.

Gross oversimplification of Chronicle I, by the way. Russell drags a broken android into the place, Floor shoots Simone's ear off, etc.

The only remotely plausible option is Y, pretty grim given that the surface is uninhabitable and colonization could only occur if everyone somehow grew gills. As Hansi laments when a switch goes off in his brain and he remembers some science expo he went to a few years back, where some guy was presenting prototypes for...pretty much exactly that.

By pure coincidence, Giles is one of Simone's clients, signed onto her private practice she started after quitting her job as the previous president's counselor. She knows where he lives and works, and she and Tommy manage to track him down amidst the literal apocalypse outside (on account of Tommy having no scientific background and pretty much no other use to the group than scavenging for essentials on the surface in this part. Bonus points that he knows how to use a gun and supposedly doesn't care about his own death).

Giles, like a lot of people has basically been hunkered down in his apartment since the 'Frame took power (about three weeks) and is all paranoid and starving when they find him but they find him, take him back and convince him to pick his work back up all the same.

So he's part of the group now, and alternative to everyone else on Starblade who has no point to their lives now, Giles has FAR too much of a point. Using years old notes and limited resources, he has to create the greatest scientific advancement in the history of mankind in the maybe....six months that people onboard are able to live outside of suspended animation. The total extinction of the human race to follow if he fails.

This...does not mix well with

1. his whole self-induced, major-accomplishment based pressure thing since it's a wildly amplified version of it

2. The fact that he killed a woman during Run! Apocalypse! Run! (defending another character but still) and his control to give life and take it away over so many people, existing and prospective, constantly rotating in his brain

3. The more upbeat, hopeful characters unwittingly holding their expectations for their brave new world over him and what Liquid Eternity needs to be to satisfy them

4. Pretty much everyone else involved in the political side of things deliberately ceased contact with friends or family outside the party's inner circle, to prevent distractions or the possibility of blackmail, while they were still on Alpha. That devaluing of personal relationships is what they're conditioned to and this is more the focal point of Tommy, Floor and Tobias' sort of...joint character development situation, but it has an effect on Giles. This much more openly sensitive, emotional guy is surrounded by these jaded assholes who have no sense of the pressure he's feeling in more ways than one. This effect also applies to James (Historian) in a way, and the two actually kind of have a rapport going about it at the end of Chronicle II (syncing up with their little Condemned To Live duet), but the only person who seems to fully get what's happening to Giles is Simone, someone who deliberately separated herself from said jaded political asshole clique and who has prior knowledge of his experiences on account of literally being his therapist.

All in all just. Not having a good time, insisting that he has to do this alone and eventually external assistance from one or more characters being the only thing that solves it.

The other part of this compact theme thing is that our purpose, our humanity, is defined by our relationships and reliance on other people. We need something to strive for in order to feel like a person, and ultimately that 'something' comes down to either the preservation of the self, the other, or of the collective.

Once you resolve that, there is one other thing that defines the human experience and that is death.

Death and a point, a person, to avoid it in the name of. And Liquid Eternity took both of those things away. From there arises stagnation and a lack of purpose with no means of escape, the hallmark of the Forever Race.

-

-

-

(gosh, I wonder if that ties into members of the party forcing away loved ones in the name of their progress even though it was pointless in the end. Or TH-1's self-preservation being their downfall after all the talk of cooperation and acceptance of emotional openness. Who's to say.)

[simslegacy5083]

NSB (Straud Legacy) Gen 9 Ep 70: A Cursed Day

The Story of a Family

While Luigi was still coming to terms with sharing captaincy of the e-sports team, the universe gave him a bunch of new things to worry about!

He jolted awake early one morning drenched in sweat, with a lingering sense of terror fresh in his brain. Rising to grab a glass of water he noticed a strange book on the floor that hadn’t been there when he went to bed the night before.

Luigi was no mage, but he’d grown up around enough of them to know that this book was trouble. Picking it up he attempted to tear it in half, and when that didn’t work, he slammed it to the ground and stomped on it several times until it finally flew apart, disintegrating as if it had never existed.

Luigi was congratulating himself on a job well done when an awful headache struck out of nowhere. It came on faster than his usual anemia headaches, and he didn’t recall missing any iron supplements. With a sigh he popped a couple pain killers and settled down at his PC to do some work.

No sooner had he logged into his account than his laptop started to smoke, the ominous “blue screen of death” replacing his icons. It seemed nothing was going to be easy this morning! As he began repairs, he reflected that at least handiwork always reminded him of good times spent with Papa Jack.

Luigi was just finishing up when Noemi called to remind him that he’d promised to come to her gym that morning to play some basketball.

His head was still aching, but the meds were helping, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as before. Not wanting to disappoint his friend he told her he’d be right there, spinning into his athletic wear and heading out the door. Arriving in record time his stomach chose that moment to demand the breakfast that he’d skipped in his haste to arrive.

Noemi was happy to make a pit stop at the snack bar. Settling down to dig in, the soft fruit and yogurt parfait he’d grabbed somehow managed to cause a sharp stabbing pain in his mouth! Luigi groaned, answering his friends worried look with a quick recap of his fantastically terrible day so far.

She was sympathetic but encouraged him to power through it. A fitness loving sim like Luigi, Noemi found exercise to be a great natural pain reliever.

Heading upstairs to the basketball court they started with some quick free throws. Once warm and limber, Noemi upped the stakes by wagering 5 simoleons on a slam dunk contest.

Luigi went first, launching himself up in the air to attempt a one-handed dunk. He missed, the ball rebounding off the rim, his landing trajectory a chaotic tumbling mess. He tried to laugh it off and spring back to his feet like that guy at the bowling alley after prom… what was his name again?…

He only got as far as putting his full weight on his right leg when a red-hot spike of pain shot through his ankle. His jaw clenched involuntarily in surprise, which only caused a different stabbing pain to radiate outwards from the tooth that had started bothering him during their meal.

Luigi’s laugh turned into a curse as he used his arms to push himself to his feet and limped towards a nearby bench, Noemi following behind.

His ankle didn’t feel great, but it didn’t look terribly swollen. Rising he said “its not so bad. I’m sure I can finish the game if I’m careful”. That idea got Noemi’s pragmatic and immediate veto. “Sit your butt back down. Playing on an injury is an idiotic move that just takes you out of the game longer.”

Luigi sighed as he obeyed, joking that now she sounded like Professor Silva! Apologizing for ruining their fun he agreed she had a point. He was sure his injury wasn’t serious but regardless he should probably be done with basketball for the time being!

First a headache, then a toothache, and now his ankle… what was wrong with the universe today!?

Noemi pulled him close, telling him “don’t worry about it. Basketball isn’t the only way we can have fun here. In fact, since exercise is out as a means of pain relief, I might just have an alternative that’s sure to make you forget all your aches for awhile...” 

Luigi liked the sound of that, returning her smile before slowly following her over to one of the saunas lined up near the food stand. For the next little while he did indeed forget his troubles as they basked in the super-heated air and each other's touch.

Luigi had enjoyed their hot and steamy adventure but when they were finished, he was ready to head home and get off his feet.

He kissed Noemi goodbye, thanking her for “making this bad day a whole lot better”. She replied “it was my pleasure. I will, however, expect that 5 simoleons in the mail soon – screwing up your dunk so bad you had to forfeit the game counts as a loss if ever there was one!”

I was honestly impressed with how cursed this day was for Luigi. A lot of what I ended up using in the episode came from mods or other in-game events, but I was impressed with the “vanilla” things that went wrong in game considering the team only had For Rent and Basegame to work with.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[inkspecter]

Tips for Preparing Your Home for Scare Clowns

Say hello to Mr P, a funkopop lineage scare bred to of course look like the latest cinematic version of Stephen King's infamous character, Pennywise. I don't normally choose to support funkopop due to their over breeding of scares and low support for keepers. I've seen plenty of first time clown keeper's have a lot of trouble with these tough critters and it always ends in tears.

To help deter the recent trend of irresponsible people dumping their semi-aquatic scare clowns in local sewers, I've written this blog as a basic care guide for this fierce but adorable breed.

Are Scare Clowns Good Pets?

I hate to say it, but the short answer is a firm no. While there are breeders capable of producing lineages of docile clowns with scare looks, it's debatable among scare enthusiasts if this practice produces a true member of the breed or if it's even humane. Scares of purer breeding are for all practical purposes a wild animal.

Generally speaking, they don't want your atte tion, they don't want snacks, and they most certainly don't want cuddles. While individuals will of course vary, most scare clowns are highly territorial, completey solitary, and primarily they want to hunt and to terrify. It's just what they do and their raw personalities and high intelligence are what make them so appealing to their die hard fans (like me! 🤡💖).

So if you're looking for a companion or a funny friend, think twice before choosing a spooky clown. Except in very rare cases, you will end up heartbroken and possibly faces high fees for endangering the local wildlife and your neighbors.

Can Scare Clowns be Kept in an Urban or Suburban Setting?

If you ask a scare clown, they'll probably tell you, yes certainly yes. This is because they are hardwired to scare-- hence the breed name! They actually want to be in denser populated areas so they can terrify unsuspecting people and stalk stray ankmald easier. And that should answer the question enough for any sane person: no, scare clowns should be kept far from densely populated areas.

Ideally scare clowns do best in a large piece of land where they can lurk, frolic, and feed off of small wild animals such as rabbits, squirrels, and mice. Five or more acres of partially wooded land is ideal for containing a scare clown and also ensuring the land won't be depleted by their needs. Any smaller a space and you can expect to need to supplement their diet with store bought meat, else keep a very close eye on the dog!

I personally keep a group of scare clowns on a much smaller space, but it's lightly populated and densely wooded. It's a delicate balance, but as an experienced scare clown keeper I can just manage it. I don't recommend doing so for new keepers as you'll cause undue stress to yourself and your clowns.

Can Scare Clowns be Kept Indoors?

At this point it should be very clear that scares are not house clowns. However if you're like me and live in an area that is frequently dangerously cold, this may not be so clear a cut. It takes a lot of brave breeders and keepers to make sure that the population of scares out there are cared for and aren't left up to their own devices in the wild. What's more, keeping scares in a cold region keeps them at bay as its much easier for a young scare to escape and become invasive in a milder climate.

Keeping scares indoors during poor weather can actually help deter the worst of their nastier behavior. They won't ever be tame, but there comes a point in your relationship where they accept that you are just part of the environment and mean them no harm. This is when it gets really fun to keep scares as they will haughtily stalk by you while snooping around. They're a joy to watch even if the humor comes more from enjoying their sour moods than the lighthearted joy we expect from clowns.

Yes you can keep scares indoors, but consider it strictly a necessity. They should be free to come and go as they please, weather permitting. When stuck indoors, ensure they have their own space which is kept dark and quiet at all times. Avoid going into that space altogether. If you must go in, announce yourself gently and listen for them to find a hiding space before turning on the light and entering.

Lastly, be sure to pass by the spaces where they are at least once a day. Linger by areas where they like to lurk so they have ample time to jump scare you. While trapped indoors, they still need a lot of stimulation.

I hope that's cleared up a lot of questions anyone has had about potentially adopting a scare clown! They're a tough breed but they are clever, witty, and fun in their own very special way.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to comment, reblog, or ask!

[pancake-breakfast]

Time to finish up volume 1 of TriMax!

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10

Trigun Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Volume 1: 1-2, 2 DT, 3-4, 3 DT

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 1, Chapters 5-6 below.

Chapter 5: Dancing Revolver

Gods, Vash always has to do that little hip jut, doesn't he?

Eyyy, geranium scene!

It's funny because geraniums are seen as almost plain here. They get used a lot in, like, planters for strip malls and such because they're hardy, drought-resistant beasts that need very little care and grow nicely from cuttings so they're cheap AF to reproduce and spread around. (BTW, if you ever want to add some pretty geraniums you see out in public to your yard/patio/whatever, you can just "borrow" a nice stem from that plant, take it home, and probably grow it for yourself.)

Vash is a growing boy. Of course he's thinking with his stomach.

As someone who has tended to them, I can confidently say that geraniums are definitely determined....

I'm sure he's trying to look somewhat fierce here, but mostly he just looks annoyed.

Uh oh. Vash might have the attention of someone who will try to do some damage.

Yeah... don't go pointing guns at people (purposely or no) if you're all tensed up. You might make a regrettable move.

Oh, no. I remember this guy from the anime. Please send him back where he came from.

LOL, this Elena girl is abandoning her duties to check out Vash the Stampede.

HAHAHAHAHAHA, it's the Vash slaughter song!

"Won't leave a single man alive." Vash, you're so full of shit right now, it's hilarious.

Sorry, Wolfwood. Now you have to deal with Vash being dramatic and calling attention to himself.

The funniest thing about this page to me is how Vash goes from screaming, "AAAAAAAA!!!" in Japanese to screaming, "AAAAAAAAA!!!" in English.

Pretty sure he just turned into a windmill of legs and coattails.

Yeah, from what I gather, bullet-proof vests don't keep you from getting nasty bruises and broken ribs. They just keep the hot lead from entering your body and doing the kind of damage that's harder to recover from.

He's remembering this morning's training session, I see.

Hey, Vash warned them....

Did he miss, though? Did he??

LOL, yeah, he did not.

This is, like, a Vash catchphrase at this point.

Well, if he didn't have Vash's attention before, he has it now.

Chapter 6: Sin

This doesn't have anything to do with the manga; I just want to note the number of times I've tried to navigate these pages by pushing left instead of right on my keyboard ('cause that's the way you read manga) is really, really high.

The contrast between the doctor's optimism and Brad's pessimism. Also, doc's viewing glass.

Wolfwood is having WAY too much fun spectating here. He looks like he's genuinely enjoying the chaos of it all.

Even scum can beg for its life when the tables are turned. Is the regret true and will it stick, or will being allowed mercy only open the door to further atrocities down the line? Do we have the right to decide?

Vash is making a choice, and it's not a choice to do nothing.

Hehhhh, people saying, "What do you know about my pain?" to Vash. Yes, this kind of pain is unique and individual, and Vash hasn't been through anything quite like losing a daughter in such a horrific fashion (that we know of; he is quite old), but he does understand both horrific loss and unimaginable betrayal, as well as the grief, self-blame, and feelings of utter helplessness that can come in its aftermath.

Poor Vash. He looks like hell after that fight. Probably feels like it, too.

Vash gave the father time to not become a murderer, and that's the sort of thing that would be of infinite value to Vash.

This panel, though. Important character notes here. In fact, one might say the only person Vash might not see as family on this planet is his very own twin.

The doctor sure has some trust in Vash getting out of things. And... he probably knows Vash well enough to know Vash would regret if his situation caused trouble for the doc and the rest of the people on that steamer.

LOL, Wolfwood, making a dramatic entrance, ready to bust through everything with hot lead and his beloved bike. He looks like an antihero arriving to save his kidnapped woman.

Hahahahahahaha, he pretty much buried Vash in rubble with that entrance. Mmmmmaybe didn't think it all the way through....

This panel has the same energy as Wolfwood telling Vash that kicking a rocket out of the air was "fucking stupid."

Awww, Wolfie, your heart of gold is showing....

We're just gonna ignore these panels where WW warns Vash that one of these days, pushing his luck won't work and he'll have to choose. I'm sure there's no foreshadowing in that whatsoever. Nope, none at all.

Ok, I tried to ignore it, but I also want to note I think Stampede did an excellent job capturing this running theme of how Vash is walking a precarious path trying not to choose. I don't remember that theme at all in '98. (Not saying it wasn't there; just saying it doesn't stand out in my memory.) Meanwhile, it's not just core to Vash's story in Stampede, but it's core to Meryl's and Wolfwood's stories in Stampede, too, even if in theirs, it's not mentioned so explicitly by the narrative.

Goshdarn it. That stupid Hitler-moustached, too-tall bowler hat guy is still here. Yes, yes, I know he wasn't dealt with so he can't just leave. But I want him to leave because it's better than him being in the narrative.

SEE?!!? GOOD PEOPLE DON'T HAVE PEOPLE PUPPETS LIKE THAT. SEND BOWLER HAT GUY BACK!!!

Uuuuhhhhh.... Look, I get that Legato (like a good percentage of the major characters in this story) likes fetish gear, but wearing a freaking iron maiden is taking it to a whole 'nother level.

Also, is he really big, or is this new creature person very small, or is the panel just framed weird for weird perspective? Questions....

Author Bonus Chapter: Gun Love Island

SALUTATIONS!!!

If this panel is meant to be the inside of Nightow's brain, it's a... very busy place. I do have a special appreciation for the dragon dissolving into a single sexy fishnet leg.

Oh, so the '98 anime had already started by the time this collection came out.

"First half of the story." LOL, half. Lies. But this might be a bit of a translation error. I've seen it elsewhere. Seems like (and I could be wrong here since I'm not a Japanese language expert by any means) the Japanese terms for parts of things don't necessarily mean equal parts like they do in English. To clarify, in English, if we say "a third," we mean 1/3 + 1/3 + 1/3 = 1, but the Japanese term that usually gets translated into 1/3 (三分; literally "three parts") can also mean 1/3 + 1/2 + 1/6 = 1. It's still referring to one part of three out of the whole, but that part is not necessarily equal to the other parts. Then again, the characters usually used for "half" are 半分 rather than 二分, and to the best of my knowledge, 半 does indeed mean equal halves, so maybe I'm wrong in this instance. I don't know, I'm not reading this in Japanese and I've only studied the language for like 3 years, which is nothing for Japanese.

Hahahahaha, sounds like Trigun is a bit of a case of the story running away with the author. It happens sometimes.

I'm also happy that people like Nightow's characters. Thank you very much.

[nijikawa-satoki]

A new OC that Satoki has made! Her name is Cuowu, a dragon cyborg. And like us, she's plural ^w^

Name: Cuòwù Japanese: 錯誤 Sakugo

Species: dragon cyborg Ability: analyzing computer code at godlike speeds

Sex: intersex (fully functional male and female reproductive organs) Gender: genderfluid and genderflux, varies by alter Pronouns: she/any, varies by alter Sexuality: sex-repulsed aroace, varies by alter

Gender, Pronouns, & Sexuality by Alter 　Cuowu: genderfluid & genderflux, she/any, sex-repulsed aroace 　Xinxing: non-binary girl, xe/xer 　Tamodvaram: non-binary, they/them, grayace 　Baiwan: agender, it/its, panromantic

Birthday: 0323/06/29 Age: 22 (takes offense when referred to as a child in any manner)

A kind dragon cyborg that works as a programmer. Do not poke fun at her childlike stature!!

Cuowu was born with a life-threatening illness which causes their muscles and organs to deteriorate at a rather rapid pace. In order to ensure a long and mostly healthy life for them, their parents agreed to allow cybernetic implants which would supplement their organs, except for the heart and brain. Cuowu's heart and brain are completely machine, thus making them a cyborg. As a result of having this illness, Cuowu unfortunately developed anxiety and became prone to panic attacks, especially when in the vicinity of a hospital. They thankfully remember to take their meds for this. An unfortunate side effect of these life saving implants is that her growth has completely halted, leaving her stuck at a height of 102,5 cm, or the average height of a six-year-old girl. She hates this since it often causes her to be mistaken for a preschooler.

Because some of the implants didn't work, she is paralyzed from her waist down, thus causing her to rely on a wheelchair to get around. However, this inability to move a lot has also caused her to become overweight. The combination of her paralysis and her muscle deterioration has also caused her to suffer incontinence, requiring her to wear diapers. Her computer desk was special made to accommodate her wheelchair.

Even though her brain is artificial, she is neurodivergent, perplexing even the most knowledgeable of neuroscientists. Having autism and ADHD, she finds herself always starting projects, but not always finishing them. Let's just say that her room is full of unconnected hard drives containing old projects.

Because of her illness, Cuowu is medically unable to live on her own, and as such still lives with her parents, also having a live-in nurse that ensures she is taking her meds (poor bean is on 20 different medications for various reasons) and to assist her with the maintenance of the cybernetic components (especially her brain and heart, which require heavy sedation so that she can be taken to a hospital for the maintenance due to said maintenance requiring surgery). However, she mainly stays in her bedroom, usually keeping herself occupied with various coding projects.

Regarding Cuowu's ability to analyze code at unfathomable speeds, this aids her in her work, since she can find bugs and address them before anyone can even notice.

Whatever you do, do not ask her about any hyperfixation. Because she won't ever stop talking about it.

Because their brain is essentially a mini computer, this results in some rather interesting quirks. For example, Cuowu is physically incapable of stereotyping and any other form of fast thinking. All of her thinking is slow and logical, leading to her deep understanding of how computers and cybernetics work. This quirk also aids her in hyperfixations (i.e. she actually understands quantum mechanics and astrophysics quite well due to her physical lack of intuition, allowing her to efficiently understand various sciences). However, she also experiences plurality, with currently 4 alters (Cuowu (host, she/any), Xinxing (Japanese: 新星 Shinsei, xe/xer), Tamodvaram (Japanese: タモードヴァーラム Tamōdovāramu, Malayalam: തമോദ്വാരം tamōdvāraṁ, they/them), and Baiwan (Japanese: 佰萬 Hyakuman, it/its)). The cause of her plurality is currently unknown to anyone except Cuowu. Her code for controlling her eye colour helps with indicating who is fronting as a matter of convenience (she wrote the source code herself).

Cuowu's best subjects (before her health forced her to drop out of school) were math and science. Her worst subject was actually language, due to speech difficulties resulting from various lung issues and issues with her throat. To make up for this, she usually communicates via the online chatrooms she's in and using sign language, despite her hearing being sharper than most dragons. The irony though, is that she is very fluent in many languages, despite her speech issues.

A non-exhaustive list of health issues and conditions Cuowu has: draconis muscular degenera (a degenerative illness in dragons that deteriorates the muscles; terminal without cybernetics), draconis organus degenera (degenerative illness in dragons that deteriorates the organs; terminal without cybernetics), autism, ADHD, incontinence (yes, she requires diapers and is caused by her muscles deteriorating), lower spinal paralysis (causing her to require a wheelchair), asthma (mostly addressed thanks to cybernetic implants within her lungs), severe epilepsy (despite her brain being artificial; has a specific sensor within that alerts her nurse whenever a seizure occurs), mild photosensitivity (she gets extreme migraines when out in the sun), vitamin D deficiency (due to no sunlight exposure), completely non-existent immune system (part of why she stays in her room all the time), innumerable throat problems (which resulted in her having a permanent feeding tube and developing many speech impediments), anxiety disorder, so on and so forth.

[ghoulangerlee]

Ohhhhh my god I feel you on this whole bc shot thing. I've been on it for a little over two years because I'm trans and getting my period was so bad for my emotional wellbeing I had to do something. I didn't wand an IUD, and I forget to take my medication a lot so the pill wasn't ideal. I was told by two different obgyns that they wouldn't consider removing the uterus becsuse at the time I was only 21 and ""What if you chsnge your mind!!!"" 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so I really dint have a whole lot of options.

On one hand I like not having to worry about the whole thing for 10/11 weeks at a time but on the other hand I also really like not having feeble bones! I've been taking calcium supplements but the pills are huge and I worry it isn't covering the issue entirely. I don't get enough calcium to begin with becsuse I can't drink milk and stuff, so I worry that it's a bandage on a knife wound so to speak.

Last time I was at the clinic for my shot I raised the issue again and the doctor there was like "wait you're literally trans and have no plans for children why the hell don't we just get rid of it????" And I'm just sitting there like why the fuck did the last two people I see not give me this option!?

Anyways I need to discuss the idea more with her but oh oh to get this fucking thing out of me....oh to dream....

Sorry rambling in your asks but this sucks and I sure hope we both get the cool fun and fresh resolution :)

oh my god anon, i feel you. i've been on it for...almost 5 years now? I think around August 2019 is when I started it finally. It was unfortunately the only option we could find for me. I actually can't have any bc that has actual estrogen in it because of my high blood pressure and the family history of blood clots. And like, at first it was fine and dandy! I was okay with it because after 7 weeks of a heavy cycle I was so exhausted and just ready for it to be over. And it's been gone! pretty regularly for the last several years.

Sometimes if I'm incredibly stressed it will sneak up on me but it's like, leagues better than it was. Max 3 days and barely anything at all. So, very manageable for someone who y'know. had it much worse (to the point it would cause my iron to drop significantly all the time).

I hate obgyns who refuse to do things because "you might regret it later on" like, no actually I think I'll regret having this thing inside my body I don't intend to use and having to stay on the shot for the rest of my life. I'm in a same-sex relationship, I don't ever intend to physically carry a child, I just want the thing gone lmao. I've told obgyns that in the past and yet they still insisted on telling me that I might "regret" it.

So, my surgeon did mention that viactiv is a good supplement, which is apparently a chocolate calcium chew haha. My biggest concern is that I have osteoarthritis and being over 30 now, my bone density doesn't come back as fast as it does for someone in their 20s. My doctor is also concerned about it too. I mean like also the weight gain is terrible too, like holy shit it's been the worst (strong ass bc, strong ass side effects I GUESS)

THOUGH APPARENTLY there is a bone density therapy that they can do which will help with keeping your bones strong. I didn't know about it and no one ever thought to mention it to me when they started talking about my bone density lmao. Normal Calcium supplements make me extremely nauseous and I can't take them, so I just stopped lmao.

And I think from there, that's when I sort of decided I wanted to look into getting rid of my uterus for good. Like, I don't plan to have kids, I don't need it. Why should I continue this shot, why should I keep putting myself through this.

Also, idk if you've experienced it, or if its just because I been on it for so long or if it's something else entirely, but in place of the period I just get cramps :) really bad ones :) it's great and what I've always wanted from bc haha.

honestly that's a good doctor, why haven't they suggested it sooner? Literally the surgeon I'm seeing is, ironically, the first obgyn I saw when I switched insurances and go to where I go now, and from the beginning she was like "you're in a monogamous same-sex relationship whenever you want the surgery we can just take care of that" and idk I wasn't in the right place then, I think, to consider it.

yeah it's a long process from my understanding, we're building a case right now, as my surgeon called it, gonna have some imaging stuff done, a few more tests and then we'll set the date and just. remove it. thankfully, no early menopause for me (ironically the One Thing i was most worried about?? I don't know, I've got so much going on, I didn't want to even consider dealing with menopause bc guess what the treatment for that is-- the same damn shot I'm trying to escape lmao) ANON!!! I wish the best for both of us!!! Let me know how things go!! (if you're comfortable!!)

[northernocean]

How to Grow Cannabis: Step-by-Step Guide

Many countries around the world are quickly adopting legal cannabis use. Although not officially condoned, it is legal in most of Europe, and if not legal, it is at least tolerated.

So you've decided to cultivate your cannabis. Excellent work! You will soon be a part of a rapidly expanding culture. Homegrown marijuana has become a worldwide phenomenon.

Growing your cannabis is a fun and inexpensive way to fill your jar with high-quality buds. 

Step-by-Step Instructions for Growing Cannabis From Seed

Cannabis growing, like all gardening, is a skill that must be honed over time. It is simple to learn but takes a lifetime to master. There's no reason to be afraid of growing your own. The procedure is simple and can be as cheap or as expensive as you like.

Understanding the fundamentals of cannabis cultivation is a good place to begin your marijuana cultivation journey. Making informed decisions early on will increase your overall yields. These seven basic steps will provide a solid foundation for becoming an expert marijuana gardener.

Step 1: Choosing Your Cannabis Seeds

The variety is mind-boggling. Sativa, indica, ruderalis, and a variety of hybrids are all available with a single click. Personal experience has taught you what you like. What strains have previously fit your groove? What strains have proven to be effective treatments for your condition? They are most likely a good place to start.

Consider your changing circumstances while keeping your personal preferences in mind. 

Step 2: Cannabis Fundamentals

You love cannabis requires some fundamental things in order to grow at its best and provide you with juicy buds.

Light

Marijuana requires more than eighteen hours of light per twenty-four-hour period for healthy vegetation. 

Medium for Growth

Organic growers will always use some type of soil, inside or outside. But soil isn't the only option. Coconut coir, perlite, vermiculite, and rock wool are nutrient-independent neutral mediums. Aeroponics, purely hydroponics, and deep water culture do not use any mediums. The matrix of suspended roots. The suspended root matrix takes the nutrients directly from the nutrient mix.

Air

Cannabis requires fresh, moving air for strength and proper gas exchange. This is not a problem outside because your plants will be exposed to both breeze and gale. Your plants will require fresh air intake, stale air exhaust, and air movement via a fan. Pests, molds, and weak growth thrive in still environments. Plant growth will be hampered if aspirated gases accumulate.

Water

If you live in an area with consistent rainfall, your outdoor crop may get everything it needs from nature. Large cannabis plants are notorious for their thirst. If you go big, you will need to supplement water between rains.

Water becomes the medium that transports nutrients indoors. Regularly, unaltered water is used for flushing hydroponic and soilless systems. Therefore, the pH of your water is critical. A good pH meter is part of a comprehensive grow kit for the savvy cannabis grower.

Temperature

Cannabis is a tough plant that can withstand extreme cold and heat. Like you and me, it can become stressed and not function well in extremes. Cannabis can cause death by freezing or boiling. It can either stop growing or enter stasis. The accepted ideal temperature for vigorous cannabis growth is 27 degrees Celsius. Indoors, fans, air conditioning units, and heating and cooling mats make this simple. Lights will undoubtedly generate heat that must be vented.

Nutrients

Cannabis, like all living things, requires fuel to grow. A good friable soil mix rich in compost, living organisms, vitamins, and minerals can provide enough food for your plants throughout their life cycle.

With hydroponics or neutral mediums, pre-formulated nutrient blends provide all of the plant's lifeblood. Usually tailored specifically for marijuana. Specialized concoctions are created exclusively for the soilless medium of your choice.

Step 3: Lights For Indoor Cannabis Growing

Since legalization, there has been an explosion in the number of lights and grow chambers available for growing cannabis indoors. The deciding factor will then be your budget.

Cupboards should be grown.

There are sophisticated grow cabinets that have been fully customized for cannabis and are ready to go, made by people with decades of experience. For example, suppose you have thousands of dollars lying around. Lights, fans, clones, veg, flower chambers, timers, and carbon filters are ready to use.

Step 4: Germination And Cannabis Seedlings

Germination is the process of coaxing a seed to sprout and take root. Here are some basic germination methods:

Paper Towel Method

Place the cannabis seeds between two damp, clean paper towels in an enclosed space such as a plastic bag or Tupperware container. The paper towels should be checked every day for signs of moisture loss. When the seedlings break through the shells, they can be placed into their final containers.

Water Method

Submerge your cannabis seeds in de-chlorinated or filtered water at room temperature and check them daily until they start to crack open. Once that happens, you can transplant them directly into their final growing medium without waiting for roots to form. This is an excellent method for seeds that are slow to germinate.

Direct Sowing

You can skip germination and sow your cannabis seeds directly into their final growing medium. The seedlings will form rapidly and can be transplanted when needed.

Step 5: The Vegetative Phase Of Cannabis

This is the stage during which the most significant growth occurs. During this period, cannabis plants produce more leaves, stems, and secondary branching. 

Vegetative lighting should be 18-24 hours of light per day and 6-12 hours of darkness for optimum growth. Depending on your grow location, natural sunlight may provide adequate vegetative lighting if it is not shaded by trees or other buildings throughout the day.

Topping/Lollipopping are techniques that can be employed to shape a plant's form and increase bud production early in life while they are still small enough to manage. The idea is to remove any growth below the lowest branches so that energy is not wasted on foliage and all energy goes towards buds.

Nutrients should also be monitored carefully throughout the vegetative phase to ensure healthy, vigorous growth. Organic soil mixes or coco coir typically contain enough nutrients for young plants but may require additional fertilizers in later growth phases.

Step 6: The Blooming Period Of Healthy Cannabis

After at least two weeks of vegetative growth, your cannabis plants will be ready to enter the flowering phase. The amount of time required for healthy cannabis buds to reach maturity varies between strains but typically takes around 8-10 weeks indoors.

Lighting upgrades may also be necessary if using a lower-wattage lamp such as CFLs or small LED panels to provide adequate intensity during this critical stage. HPS lamps are considered one of the best choices for high-yield flowering due to their intense luminosity and broad spectrum output.

Nutrients also need to be adjusted for flowering. Nutrient formulations designed for the flowering stage should be used for optimum results. Be sure to monitor pH levels as well, and adjust accordingly if necessary.

Step 7: Harvesting, Drying & Curing For Best Quality Buds

Once your cannabis plants have finished flowering, they are ready to be harvested! There is no definitive answer as to when the best time to harvest is - it depends on personal preference and strain. Some growers prefer harvesting earlier for a more energetic buzz, while others prefer waiting longer for maximum potency. Trichomes can also be examined with a magnifying glass or jeweler's loupe to help determine when the optimum harvest time has been reached.

After harvesting, buds should then be dried and cured to bring out their full flavor and aroma potential. The drying process usually takes around 5-7 days before buds are ready for curing. Curing times vary but generally last anywhere from 1-4 weeks, depending on personal preference. Curing cannabis can significantly improve its flavor, aroma, and overall quality while extending its shelf life.

[novadreii]

something i don't talk a lot about on here are my chronic pain/illness problems. i guess because i try not to think about it more than i already do, and it's probably the biggest present source of anxiety for me.

when i entered my 30s a couple of years ago, after a particularly stressful year after about 10+ of them, my physical health declined pretty quickly. my hair fell out, i gained weight, my perfect eyesight suddenly wasn't one day, i had constant fatigue and brain fog. i waited out healthcare timelines and was diagnosed with the beginning stages of an autoimmune thyroid disorder right before i moved across the country and got on another waitlist. in this time i managed to improve a lot of the symptoms with lifestyle factors.

i spent the next year researching everything i could about autoimmunity and its triggers, and also about things that could improve my condition while i waited. i tried all kinds of foods and supplements, but unfortunately, stress is pretty much my number one trigger and i was in a very toxic relationship with someone who seemed determined to maximize the amount i experienced on a daily basis. i took too long to leave (6 months since the onset of the neglect, but this person had been triggering me with their unavailability for basically the entire 2ish years).

i remember fearing i'd go to sleep and never wake up from the constant chest pain my anxiety was causing me, and that was my cue to end things. but it was too late health wise--I'd already spent months crying every night and trying to control the shaky, cold sweat anxiety that accompanied me almost every minute of every day.

this basically triggered a huge flare of my illness that had added fun new symptoms (arthritis in my hands, inner ear pain, and constant, all-day muscle spasms and eye twitches. fun!). i am once again, on a waitlist, because i moved back home and had to go to the back of the line :) i have spent all summer trying to regain the progress i had made before my personal drama happened. eating right, moving my body, avoiding stressful endeavours like the plague, processing trauma in therapy head on so it doesn't fester, sleeping for the first time in probably a year and overall just resting for probably the first time since i was 15 lol. my job is a blessing because it's remote, stupid easy and relaxed, allowing me the kind of work life balance where i can heal myself while earning a living. i've complained about my job a lot, but the universe sent it to me because it knew i needed something flexible to accommodate the freakshow my life would soon become.

this is basically what i work on in therapy these days. the surrender needed to know i am doing all i can, and right now all i can do is continue to take care of myself and wait. and it's okay. i will likely see yet another patronizing mandoctor in a couple of months, and i won't be in a flare then so i won't feel so terrible, and i will finally get the meds that will help me feel normal again, what i haven't felt for coming on 5 years. it's out of my control right now, but that's not a bad thing because it's going to be okay anyways.

this process has truly helped me not identify so hard with my body. i need to stop fighting it (while taking the best care of myself as i can) and accept that it's gonna do what it wants to do. but above all, i cannot be so pressed about it because that's the one thing that makes it worse above all else. i have learned to ignore/live with a certain amount of pain; it's not always at a 9 or 10, but it spikes there sometimes but averages out to 4-6 on a daily basis. just enough to be distracting, annoying, and prohibitive of certain activities (begging my brother to do dishes because it physically hurts to use my hands. also can't cook which is a rare thing that brings me joy). i will have to ice my wrist after this. but again, i'm in a flare so it will let up eventually. and in that time i just have to let things be. a concept that was foreign to me this time last year.

[sobercentre]

So, you’ve had a fun night out with friends, sipping on your favorite drinks, but now you feel a bit bloated. And you pop the million-dollar question – why does my stomach bloat after drinking alcohol? When you sip that delightful cocktail, little do you know that a fermentation party kicks in in your belly. But, worry not, as this post will address how your body processes alcohol, why you get bloated, and what you should do to avoid alcohol bloating. So, grab a coffee and enjoy this informative journey. Understanding alcohol bloating How your digestive system processes alcohol First things first, let’s break down how your body receives alcohol in its system. Once alcohol hits your stomach, a whirlwind of activities kicks off. It is absorbed by the lining of the small intestine into the veins that collect blood from the stomach, transporting it to the liver. The liver then steps up to the plate by releasing two enzymes – alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH) and aldehyde dehydrogenase (ALDH) – which break down alcohol into metabolites that can be eliminated. Here’s the deal – your liver can only handle so much at a time. Ideally, your liver breaks down alcohol into acetaldehyde at a rate of 0.015 g/ 100 ml/ hour. This makes for reducing your BAC levels by 0.015 per hour. Nothing can speed up this detoxification process. So, when you’re throwing back drinks like there’s no tomorrow, you risk overwhelming your liver. What causes alcohol bloating? Alcohol is a sneaky dehydrator! It is a diuretic. As your liver works its magic, it’s also sending signals to your kidneys to start flushing out excess fluids. Therefore, as you keep on drinking more alcohol without enough water, more fluids are expelled through the renal system leaving you dehydrated. This explains why you’re always running to the restroom more frequently after a round of drinks. But where does the tummy gas come from? Well, alcohol ferments as it gets broken down in your digestive tract. Think of it like having a tiny brewery in your gut. This fermentation frenzy, with the help of the liver enzymes, turns acetaldehyde into acetic acid, which is inactive. It is this crucial process that, if not metabolized completely, causes one to have a hangover. Eventually, the acetic acid is broken down into carbon dioxide and water, hence the bloating. How to reduce alcohol bloating Now that we’ve addressed your mystery question – why does my stomach bloat after drinking alcohol – let’s look at some tips that will help deflate your bloated belly. 1. Hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate! Drinking plenty of water can not only prevent bloating but also relieve it. Water helps in flushing out toxins from your body. Essentially, when you’re well hydrated, your kidneys have an easier and cleaner job in detoxifying your body leaving no room for accumulation of gases. 2. Drink peppermint tea Peppermint tea isn’t just a breath freshener, it’s also great for soothing an upset stomach and reducing bloating. A warm cup of peppermint tea after a drinking session can ease discomfort and promote digestion. 3. Activated charcoal Yup! Activated charcoal supplements are a lifesaver when it comes to relieving bloating. Studies have shown charcoal, when blended with simethicone, relieves bloating by breaking apart gas bubbles for easier absorption and passing. These little black pills work like a magic eraser for bloating. 4. Fennel seeds Chewing on some fennel seeds or brewing a cup of fennel tea does help alleviate bloating and aid digestion. This relief is attributable to fennel compounds that relax the muscles in the digestive tract, making it easier for gas to pass through and reduce bloating. 5. Light exercise A little exercise goes a long way. It doesn’t have to be anything strenuous but simple movements such as walking or stretching can help stimulate digestion and reduce bloating. Even better, it’s a great distraction from the discomfort you are experiencing and a mood booster after a night of indulgence.

6. Medical interventions While the above interventions are equally effective in relieving alcohol bloating, medications can provide fast relief by targeting excess acid production in the digestive tract. The following medications are not just good for heartburn, they’re also relief champions in alcohol bloating: 1. Proton pump inhibitors (PPIs) PPIs such as Protonix and Nexium work by reducing the production of stomach acid thereby alleviating bloating. 2. H2 blockers H2 blockers like Pepcid AC by blocking the action of histamine on the cells of the stomach lining. They also significantly reduce acid production and relieve bloating. 3. Antacids As their name suggests, antacids work by neutralizing stomach acid to provide fast relief from bloating and heartburn. How long does alcohol bloating last? Normally, alcohol bloating is just a temporary inconvenience. But there are times when you’re torn between whether the post-party bloat is at par or if it’s lasted longer than it should. Various factors come into play when determining how long a bloat should last. They include: Frequency of alcohol consumption. Amount of alcohol consumed in a session. Individual metabolism. Underlying problems, such as gastritis. Alcohol bloating should last just as long as alcohol stays in your system. So, between a few hours to a day, you should be feeling relieved as your body metabolizes the booze and passes out excess gas. However, if bloating persists for several days or is accompanied by other symptoms such as severe pain, it might be a sign of chronic gastritis. At this point, medical intervention is imperative. When does alcohol bloating need medical attention? Despite the harmless nature of the discomfort, there are times when it’s a sign of an underlying issue. The following conditions of alcohol bloating warrant seeking medical attention: If bloating persists for an extended period or if it’s accompanied by severe pain, vomiting, or fever. If you are alcohol intolerant or allergic, requiring medical management. If you might have combined certain medications with alcohol, leading to unusual symptoms or exacerbated bloating. When it comes to determining if your bloating is normal or lingering too long, your gut instincts are your best guide. If your gut tells you something is off, it is worth paying attention to. Alcoholic gastritis This pesky condition is the inflammation of the stomach lining which can be caused by spicy foods, smoking, stress, and – you guessed right – heavy drinking! Excessive alcohol consumption can irritate and erode the delicate mucous lining of your stomach leading to inflammation – hence its name, alcoholic gastritis. When your stomach is inflamed, it doesn’t function as it should resulting in an uncomfortable fullness and distension. Symptoms of alcoholic gastritis Burning ache in your stomach that gets better or worsens after you eat. Middle upper abdominal pain. Loss of appetite. Nausea and vomiting. Bloating that gets worse as you eat. Hemorrhage in the stomach, which is detected through blood in feces or vomit. Fatigue. Does alcohol bloating contribute to alcohol breath? Here’s the scoop – alcohol bloating and alcohol breath are like two peas in a pod. They go hand in hand. Alcohol slows down digestion, which means the drinks you had hours ago might still be seated in your stomach, releasing distinctive odors through your breath. Additionally, when you have excess gas in your digestive tract, that gas has to escape somehow. So, when you burp, you’re not just releasing bloated air, you’re also expelling alcohol vapors from your tummy. The two make a killer combination of some potent alcohol breath. How to prevent alcohol bloating As the adage goes, prevention is better than cure. Taking proactive steps to prevent alcohol bloating in the first place can save you the discomfort and inconvenience down the road. Below are some hacks that will allow you to sip and socialize with ease, without the worry of a gassy stomach.

1. Hydrate You’ve heard it before, we’ll say it again – hydration is key. Sipping on water between your alcohol shots and drinks helps your body flush out toxins. It’s like giving your body an extra rinse cycle. 2. Choose wisely When it comes to alcoholic beverages, not all have the same composition. A tip from the Young Henrys Head Distiller, Carla Daunton, recommended distilled drinks rather than fermented ones as they are unlikely to cause gas build-up. Also, you’re more likely to sip the spirits slower than you would a beer, hopefully getting a smaller amount of alcohol in your body. Ideally, gin, vodka, and tequila should be your go-to options. But if you’re an avid wine drinker, go for red as it’s low on sugar. Your stomach will thank you for the break! 3. Consider snacking Before diving headfirst into the drinks menu, nibble down some snacks to line your stomach and slow down alcohol absorption. Protein-rich foods such as nuts or cheese help stabilize your blood-sugar levels and prevent bloating. Think of it like building a fortress to protect your belly from alcoholic warfare. 4. Avoid carbonated drinks Stay off fizzy drinks that introduce extra gas in your digestive system, exacerbating bloating and discomfort. Always keep it simple by sticking to non-carbonated options and instead opt for water or herbal tea. Key Takeaway So, there you have it – the lowdown on alcohol bloating and ways of mitigating it. While it may feel like you’re stuck in bloating purgatory, it is just a short-lived inconvenience. At the end of the day, or night, it is crucial to drink responsibly and listen to your body. Remember, your health is worth prioritizing – even if it means saying goodbye to those wild nights of heavy drinking.

[1d1195]

ohhh myyy godddd that’s so crazy to me. i’ve been going to weddings since i was a CHILD. i think it’s a culture thing tho bc where im from ppl are always getting married andddd you’re supposed to invite LOTS of people, there’s no such thing as a small wedding😭

but i get being tapped out !! when it’s been too many back to back i get tired and stressed abt it. also funny but i think ive only been to like one funeral ??? maybeee two idk

birthday was fun !! vry simple i stayed home all day im not much of a birthday person, or at least just not my birthday bc i love celebrating my friends. the skincare routine is ???? it’s only been a few days so im not sure yet but ill keep you updated

i was going through dresses with my mom today for the weddings that was fun, always love putting together an outfit. i got a new phone case with one of those cute charms that hang from the bottom and it feels like a whole new phone🤭

I SAW ONE OF YOUR ANONS MENTION SHATTER ME ???? SO FUNNY CAUSE IM READING IT RN (i’m on book 5, anon TRUST when i say things change) im also not a huge dystopian fan at ALL bc it’s just getting too real !!! but i picked this up because my friends were BEGGING me saying i had to read it and I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS DYSTOPIAN 😭😭😭 I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS FANTASY ???? but nope !! its taking me forever to get through them but im pushing thru💪

on the topic of books, have you ever read a court of thorns and roses ??? i spent so long avoiding it for some reason but i finally caved and O!M!G!!!!! i LOVED it. idk if u have or haven’t but i will say i think you’d LOVE rhys😉

wishing you every single good thing in the world cause you deserve it !!!!! tell me how you’ve been <3333

~🎶

The weddings I've gone too haven't been that big either. I think the max was 150 people (but could have been closer to 120). Most of them have really been ~100. It's just so expensive and that's why I'm sick of it. It's a lot to spend on a bridal shower gift, a wedding gift, AND I've been on two destination bachelorette parties so it's just literally been draining my bank account.

I love that you had a lowkey/relaxing birthday! It sounds so nice! I am actually a huge bday fan. It's the only time I want to be the center of attention (or willing to be). What's your favorite kind of outfit? Or your style in general?

Isn't it cute how a little detail can change your whole attitude about something? I got a new screen protector and I'm like "I love this phone again" and last week I was ready to go trade it in HAHHAHA

🎀-anon will hopefully see this! I'm not sure I'll ever read it tbh. Like I said, dystopian really freaks me out now. I was firmly in middle school when The Hunger Games came out and Divergent was all throughout high school. On top of that my friend was recommending a whole bunch of zombie apocalypse books at the time too I was just really stressed while reading which is not what I wanted. It's still not either hahahahaha I don't mind a little conflict obviously but reading about governments and people being horrible to each other for the sake of being horrible (essentially)... I'm all set. I would first watch the news 😂😂

I have not taken the leap to read A Court of Thorns and Roses 😭 I think it's inevitable but I have A LOT of reading to do to get through my bookshelf. I've been making slower progress which isn't very helpful either 🙃 The fantasy side of novels never really piqued my interest either but I've seen lots of good things of course about the series! I'm sure I'll read it eventually, but I don't think I will be doing so just yet. When I do, I will keep an eye on Rhys hehehehe

I've been good. I swear the weekends are getting shorter every week. I'm lowkey dreading May and June but hopefully it will go by as quick as possible 🙃 I'm thinking about taking magnesium supplement because my doctor recommended it as a way to help me get out of my funky moods, boost energy, etc. etc. It's also just supposed to be really beneficial overall. Idk, I'll try anything to fix me hahahahaha I'm reading my book and writing part 4 of Ding...I'm not sure if it'll be done in time for tomorrow. I'm hopeful, but nervous it might be a Thursday update this week. Thanks for asking! Hope you have a great rest of your weekend and stellar start to the week!

xoxo

[steviescrystals]

its 5am and i can’t sleep and i have to ramble about something (a few somethings actually) bc i cannot stop thinking about it!! this is really just for me to get my thoughts out bc they’re driving me crazy, but on the off chance anyone reads this, prepare yourself: it’s about to be a very long post.

i have so many chronic issues — both physical and mental — that i’m just used to dealing with at this point, and i’m only just recently realizing how not normal they are?? the main thing that’s driving me insane lately is just my overall physical well being, like it’s just so… not good lmao. i’m extremely anemic, so i’m basically exhausted and lightheaded and dizzy and nauseous pretty much all of the time which is just awesome for me, and it’s been even worse than normal the past few months bc i have a ton of food issues that just keep getting worse (caused by a super fun combination of depression, disordered eating, constantly being sick, and just general stomach issues). my diet is really just all over the place and definitely not as nutritious as it needs to be, which as you can imagine does not help all the health issues i already have! on top of all that, i was finally diagnosed with adhd earlier this year after spending forever 1) constantly learning that a lot of things i had always thought were just “me things” were actually symptoms 2) being told by so many people around me WITH ADHD that i seemed like i had it, and 3) outright asking various psychiatrists and doctors to test me for it. because of the shortage on adhd medication, i only recently was able to get a prescription, and (this is where the relation to food comes in) literally no one — not my doctor, not the psychiatrist who prescribed it, not the pharmacist — thought to tell me that the medication i’m on lowers your appetite?? i only found out bc my mom, who’s a nurse, mentioned it one day and was shocked that i didn’t already know that was a side effect. so that sucks because i need the medication, but i also need to be eating a lot more than i currently am (especially because i’m also taking iron supplements for my anemia, and if you don’t eat enough while taking them, they make you sick). so! that’s all great for me!

i’ve also had chronic headaches since i was 11 years old that have continually gotten more frequent and more painful over the years, to the point that i get them almost every day and have taken advil, tylenol, midol, etc. so often that i’ve pretty much built up a tolerance to them and they do essentially nothing for me anymore. they’re usually just really bad headaches, but sometimes i get full-on migraines, and when i ended up in the ER in the spring (long story), the nurses told me i’m likely developing a migraine disorder. this is kind of just an unfortunate fact of life for me now since it’s been going on for eight years, but i’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately bc of a psychiatrist appointment i had a couple months ago (lots of various appointments lately but not much has gotten better… lol). when i was telling the psychiatrist about my headaches, he told me that the average person gets a headache twice a year, which just… genuinely blew my mind. like, i cannot imagine not having this problem. what a nice life that must be for the average person. and i mean, i’ve always known that i get headaches way more often than most people, but i truly could not wrap my brain around the difference being that extreme. i literally started asking everyone i knew how often they got headaches bc i was so surprised and curious, and they all told me they just never get them?? like that is insane to me, i’m so jealous.

okay last thing for now: the reason i’m still awake rn! i started struggling with insomnia when i was maybe 11 or 12, and just like with the headaches, it’s gotten worse and worse over time and i’ve just kind of grown accustomed to it. it always takes me hours to fall asleep, and i have a very hard time staying asleep — i usually wake up in the middle of the night at least two or three times a night. it’s another thing i knew wasn’t super typical, but it’s not insanely uncommon either. but that same psychiatrist had a statistic for this too, and he said that the average person wakes up in the middle of the night ONCE A YEAR (under normal circumstances, so not counting things like being sick or having abnormally high stress levels). he also asked me how long it takes me to fall asleep again after waking up in the night, and i said “not that long, like half an hour usually” and he quite literally just stared at me and said “yeah so that is long actually.” like, i know not everyone has insomnia, but this whole time i thought that everyone who DOES have it would have generally the same experience as me, and apparently that’s just not true lmao. in fact, he said my insomnia is so bad that i have what’s called terminal insomnia, so i guess this is just my life forever! how fun is that!

so that’s pretty much all i wanted to say (she said as if she didn’t just spend 30 minutes typing all of this). whenever something like this is on my mind, it makes it even harder to sleep than it already is all the time, so i figured i’d just come on here and word vomit for a while. i don’t expect anyone to read all of this (or any of it tbh), but if you have, thank you for listening! i hope you have a great day and get a better night’s sleep than me tonight :)