#the sun was literally out for 5 minutes yesterday when i wasnt able to go out

[coldmilkchoices]

girl help it has been full cloud coverage for 8 days i cant keep living like this where is the sun i need to photosynthesize

[tumblunni]

I AM MR FITNESS

26/10 Big failure day! I shouldnt have had that caffinated drink yesterday at the big shopping thing cos WOW i was exhausted after so much Accomplishment and then tje caffeine made my sleeping pattern all bad. I woke up late today and it was only 2:30 so i could have theoretically made it to the doctor appointment at 3 but i just got so anxious cos it was such a rush. So i just flaked out on going and i didnt even call them to cancel and im so damn dissappointed in myself aa... This is the first anxiety failure ive had since i left park road...

And then i wasted so much time by waking up late so i felt like it was already too late and i wasmt gonna be able to clean up the kitchen before monday even tho its three days away and i know im being stupid. Just trying to fall into a spiral of failure again!

So umm yeah i only managed to clean 50% of the floor before the sun went down and cos the lightbulb's broken i cant really see enough to clean at night and AAA also i didnt go out today to pay the heating bill cos i felt like id be ashamed walking past the doctors office and knowing i failed.

I just feel like a big pile o fails...

So umm yeah at least i tried to stop procrastinating finishing that google doc about one of my videogame ideas. That's finished now and i shared it with my friends but now i just feel even more on edge waiting for anyone to reply...

Man what a shitty day! Im gonna go wear one of the cute shirts i bought yesterday to try and cheer up. And also cos its freezing cold and i have no heating lol...

Maybe i should try and go on a late night walk just to make this whole day not be a total failure? Aaaa...

I DID EXACTLY THAT

holy fuckin shit i walked 5 kilometres at midnight to find the fuckIN ONLY SHOP STILL OPEN 24 HOURS TO PAY HEATING BILLS

I got a taxi back tho cos i was not only Absolutely Died but also my phone was almost out of battery and i knew i cpuldnt retrace my steps without google maps

I feel weirdly energized and accomplished?? Even though it wasnt anything on my to-do list and it was just a pointless challenge i set myself for literally no reason?? I guess making up a new accomplishment after failing the one i was acrually supposed to do is sort of a way to fight off the self hate. Either that or just its harder to be anxious when you're Exhausted

Anyway i had a nice hot chocolate at The Only 24 Hour Heating Bills Store That Is 5 Kilometres Away, and the taxi driver who helped me get back home was real nice and sympathetic. TOTALLY frustrating to see how quick it is to get back home by car tho! Like under ten minutes and a super cheap taxi ride! He could just go straight there, not spend two hours navigating insane alleyways through people's gardens and mysterious bridges over the river styx. Seriously why is st mellons such a fuckin maze if you wanna get anywhere by foot? Oh well, at least it was mildly more interesting that way. And i can feel accomplished for getting past that Death Bridge despite my fear of even ordinary bridges. I think i just reached the point wher ei was like "fuck im already halfway there, i cant turn back even if it means runnibg over a bridge completely blind and not knowing whats a shadow and what's a hole in the boards". Fuckin hell mate, do some maintenance on that thibg! Or at least install a streetlamp! It wasnt even on the map so wtf did i actually enter a pocket dimension? I also saw the exact same make and model of TV i just threw out, 4 kilimetres away from my house. Like its a friggin 2003 era old crt monitor so what's the friggin odds? Was it the styx of electronics..? Was it ROTOM'S BRIDGE..??

anyway holy fuck im gonna go have THE HOTTEST BATH

[ot5]

hiii again, sorry for my late response my brain simply wasn’t working yesterday 😭💀 I hope you’re feeling ok today? 💗 ndjsksk I went a bit crazy on shein earlier this year and got like 5-6 new summer dresses 🥴 which are hard to actually wear here bc it’s always goddamn windy and like... this is risky af

and yeah idk haven’t had a tree in years, my cat is very stubborn? he’s 5 now and quite big for a normal house cat and he loves destroying stuff so 🙃 no tree for us. but maybe we’ll give it a try in the future if my cat ever calms down ndjsks

and omg I swear everyone’s always in love w sweden ndjsjsjs I don’t get it. the only thing I love here are summers bc there’s beaches everywhere and well we moved earlier this year and now live like 3 minutes away from the ocean so there’s that. but in winter it’s torture, it literally gets dark at 3pm right now and idk the last time I actually saw the sun 💀 and yeah I moved from germany and I do speak swedish ndksks, it’s kinda like a mix between english and german when it comes to the vocabulary tbh so probably one of the easier languages to learn if you already know those two!! where have you guys been when you visited sweden? and what time of the year did you visit for it to always rain ndjsks we actually have quite sunny summers I think?

and omg same so far w photoshop lmao the free trial is only for 7 days lmao and yesterday I didn’t do anything at all w it and today I’m working so probably won’t use it either ndjsjs rip 😔

you're fine please!!!!!!! your timing was actaully 👌 bc i was having a shit day yesterday and seeing ur ask made me smile eventho i wasnt in the headspace to answer so!! 🥺🥺🥺

but omg we love going crazy on summer dresses🥰👏👏 i got a lot of midi/ maxi dresses this year and they felt so wonderfully safe 10/10 would recommend! how was your shein experience tho?👀 this is my first order there so im a lil nervous😳

do you have your cat on your blog?? id love see the chunky criminal when i finally know your url🥺 i hope someday you'll be able to have a tree again tho😭😭 our cat takes out his excess energy on our dog instead of the rest of the house so maybe getting a dog would be a good solution😌 YOU LIVE 3 MINUTES AWAY FROM THE OCEAN???? girl......im not even the biggest beach stan but i'll gladly sacrifice those few hours of winter sunlight for that oof. not you saying swedish is ~easy if you know english and german😭😭 i used to speak german relatively well back in my day...... djskdnf not anymore tho❤️ and i cant rmr where we went but i think i just had bad luck bc the few times ive been were in summer and i always had rain? but when my parents went last summer the weather was perfect???</3 i was gonna give u an essay about how much i love germany but then i remembered the dubbing instead of subtitles atrocity and how watching tv there is always a whole mental work out so. 🙄 have u ever been to my country?? if you say only amsterdam its on sight<3 i do wanna say i rly appreciate u tho like. you’re so chill and nice 🥺 last year my santa didnt even reveal herself JSKDFNJ and i feel like the person im sending messages to is gonna block me as soon as they know my @ and see my blog💀

anyway! i just got my perfume order delivered so my mood cant be ruined 🥰 😌 how is your day going?? any fun plans for the weekend?

[gogohedgehoglegs]

Newport Half Marathon

Newport Half Marathon, April 14, 2018

its funny, I joked about today was one of the first times ive made an adult decision....last year I had to downgrade from full to half because of a sinus infection, this year I had actually signed up for the half ahead of time, so that it would be a buildup to Rhinebeck. Normally if I'm making the drive to Rhode Island, I opt for the full, since I'm driving the 1:40 to get there.

So all is well leading up to the race, training is going well(eating more donuts than I should though, lol), and the drive to head over there is no exception.  While CT is normally pretty stinky for traffic, at 5am, its not so bad.  I usually plan to get there pretty early- we actually shuttle to the start area, so I build in even more time than my Type A personality normally dictates.  Hop on the bus, and I'm over to the start area by 645a.  Turns out it was a good thing I was early this year- they changed the bib pickup process, and it significantly increased the time it all should have taken.

Last year, they had separate lines for the 3 races, and HM people were grumbling they had to wait when there wasnt a line at the Full. So this year was just one long line.  Great in theory, except the races have 3 different start times(to ease congestion on course), and then the volunteers were tripping over each other finding bibs(because you weren't walking up to a line that was designated by race and letter of last name), and then they were having to pull the marathoners waiting in line to the front so they could get them their bibs so they could start on time. Then after getting my bib, then there was another line to wait to drop your bag in the gear check.  Then there were long lines for the portalets.  Honestly, its a good thing it wasn't my first time there, cause if i thought that was usual, i probably wouldn't run the race again. So between waiting in the bib line, the bag check line, and then the portalet line, i was stepping out of the portalet at 744. Literally. Ran around the barriers(which were protecting the sand dunes, which is actually the catalyst for why this race is even run in the spring and not the fall anymore...), wiggled my way up in the starting area(yay for being short and able to duck under everyones arms...), and got myself up far enough that I wouldn't have to do as much dodging, and then off we went!

But honestly? All is forgiven.  This course is among the best, I can't forsee missing it.  And this company is awesome about listening to feedback, I have no doubt that what happened yesterday won't happen again, they will make sure its fixed. When I reached out they acknowledged that a lot of issues were how many people are showing up at the very last minute- and when you have 500 arrive in the half hour before start, there's just no way that's going to go well.  They can't control other people not recognizing the need to show up with time to do what needs to be done.

Thankfully, the hardest hill on the whole course is in the first mile.  Terribly, the hardest hill on the whole course is in the first mile.  This course is by no means flat, but this is actually my favorite type, I find rolling hills much easier than ones that are flat flat flat.  So we leave Easton's Beach in our dust, head past whats the start of the Cliff Walk, head out along Narragansett Ave, and by mile 2, we get our first glimpse of the bay as we run along Wellington Ave.  its been downhill and flat since cresting the first hill, and there's a light wind that's keeping things cool, which is nice, because the sun is seriously about being sunny today.  While 52ish degrees seems like nothing, when breaking 30 has been a warm day of late, this is a bit of a shock.  Its actually the first day ive run outside in anything less than short sleeves since sometime back in October, soooooooooooo.....

We take a short detour away from the ocean, but past some pretty houses, and up some rolling hills through here, as we make our way first through Fort Adams State Park, which is a little lollipop that I always think of as the “yacht club,” as there is one located in here, so its just how I always remember it.  Its here that I start passing some of the marathoners, who started about 15 minutes ahead of us.  I pass a woman wearing a Skirt with the Mantra print- I didn't get a good look at it, but it looked as though the whole skirt was covered in that print, which I couldn't remember there being, so I couldn't resist telling her how much I liked it.

After this loop, we head a little more inland for the next couple miles- past some big houses, a couple farms, and lots of quiet roads.  While the roads aren't closed to traffic, its never a problem, and I'm never nervous about the situation.  Right after Mile 5 I pass the 5hr pacer for the marathon, looking nice and strong.  Just another few tenths, and you can start to smell the ocean- a precursor to the my favorite part of the course, the run along Ocean Drive, which we turn onto soon enough.  The sun has continued to stay strong promising that spring is coming(LIAR!!!), and I realize I never put suntan lotion on...silly me!  I'm not used to actually seeing the sun anymore, not after the winter we have had.  The breeze along here is just glorious, its light, its sideways, and not having an impact. The firs aide station to have Nuun is here, although the poor volunteers are still saying its Gatorade, but if you read the athletes guide, you know differently. I'm always excited when Nuun is on course, I've loved the brand for years, and actually became a Nuunbassador this year.

Along Ocean Drive, we meander through Brenton Point State Park, and I note how much the surf is up this year.  I kinda wish I had my camera, but I'm not usually a fan of stopping to take pics while I'm running, mostly cause I usually forget to restart my watch, and that makes me nuts, lol.  Around 6.5, we pass what I always think of as Rhode Island Stonehenge.  I'm sure it has some sort of significance, but having never had the opportunity to come to this spot, ive never figured out what it really is.  Around mile 8 we hit what is considered the Historic District, and the tops of some of the famous mansions become visible from here.  So we've got mansions on one side, and beaches on the other(clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right?), and just a little before Mile 10, we take the turn onto Bellevue Ave.  From this direction, first is Marble House(a home owned by the Vanderbilts), followed by Rosecliff, then we make the right onto Ruggles Ave, which cuts us over to Ocher Point Ave, where the famous Breakers(another Vanderbilt mansion) is located.  Since we are on the roadside, you are peeking over the big walls at it, but its still really cool to be able to run past.  

We run from the mansions past Salve Regina university, and all I can think is how cool it must be to go to college so close to all this history.  After this, we do a zig and a zag to take us back along Memorial Blvd, and down that big hill we traversed 12 miles ago. I've slowed down over the last couple miles, and its funny to think the heat got me at 52, but I did.  I could feel worse, this type of slowing is just the natural preservation your body does, whether you like it or not.  The hardest part of this hill is how far you can see- you actually can see the finish line from here, but its oh so far away.  It makes the last mile seem a little long, but its all good!  Make the final turn into Easton's Beach, and then along the ocean side of the buildings we run to the finish!

My goal for today was to just run this race and feel strong- im focusing on improving my ability to run by feel, and get some of my speed back- and then build upon that for Hartford in the fall, so that i can get a BQ i can use for Boston in 2020.

And as a side note- I did reach out to the race organizers about some of the issues that happened, and they were fast to respond, and open to feedback about what I had seen work better at other races.  And THAT is why I will continue to support them, because they want to make this an awesome experience, every time that you step foot on one of their courses.

Final stats

1:45:23 (fastest HM since March of 2016!!!!!)

146/1121 overall   46/740 women   11/191 F 30-39(5th if it had been a 5 year AG)