#the snozzberries taste like snozzberries

[gendersuggestions]

Today's gender: Dressed in grungy black and grey clothes, with fruity Wonka socks so I feel like a silly little guy

[jellydishes]

i had a feverish sort of half awake dream earlier and i told my niece ro "Put the strawberries on the paper plate or they'll drip everywhere" which is a perfectly logical thing to say except that there are no strawberries in the house rn

[phynoma]

Important question:

(check the REASONINGS below for propaganda)

REASONINGS:

We all know the Gene Wilder boat scene, right? The one that traumatized you in your childhood?

So my automatic thought was something so trippy and gaslighting HAD to be Spiral...but we also know that as far as "trippiness" goes, the Stranger is more likely. And boy, is the Factory strange.

Other Spiral evidence: (again,mostly based on best-movie Wonka)

You've got Wonka pretending to need a cane to make his first entrance in years because he's a dramatic fuck

So many rooms. Where the fuck is anything

Says everything like it's completely normal (the snozzberries taste like snozzberries)

Glass elevator that can go literally any way it wants to

Casually yeeting children into humiliating circumstances to make a Point

That whole weird meta movie plot with Slugworth befriending the winners and trying to get them to betray trade secrets but it was actually Wonka all along

Stranger evidence:

You can't tell me the Oompa Loompas aren't Stranger. They're orange. They're supposedly tiny people from the rainforest. They sing and dance (clown like) as they doom literal children to the consequences of their (parents') hubris. They are vicious.

Again, weirdness of the factory and all it's rooms-- this LOOKS like a chocolate factory, but a chocolate factory from a fever dream

Wonka has a bit of a circus ringmaster flair. He doesn't just subtly subvert expectations, he makes it DRAMA

Actively recruits a bunch of children and body-horror twists them into parodies of themselves

And this isn't even getting into the golden ticket nonsense.

Please reblog for better sample size, yadda yadda

[saygoodnight2theworld]

"The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!"

[betsyfern]

Dude you gotta come try this wallpaper. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries

[euniexenoblade]

Is licking your armpit like licking that wall in Willy Wonka? Does your armpit taste like snozzberries?

wanna find out

[blueelectricroom]

Notes on Holiday Beverages Ran by the drug store again today. While there, I asked one of the chemists—I mean pharmacists— if I crumbled several (nine) Xanax tablets into my eggnog, will the rum enhance the medication’s effect or will the fat content and acidic qualities of the entire mixture slow absorption.

Everyone in the store thought I was kidding.

Well, I was kidding, but I wasn’t “kidding” kidding. I doubt they even grasp the subtle difference between those two forms of discourse, considering that the only answer I got was a “can’t help you there!” lighthearted, holiday-style chuckle.

My guess is that they don’t teach the basics in chemistry courses anymore, and that most of the folks in the white coats at Walgreen’s or CVS got those jobs because they are related to, or dated, some hot sales rep from Pfizer or Merck.

So when they tell me they can’t help me, I’m tempted to shoot back “and you probably can’t make the snozzberries taste like snozzberries either.”

But that’s not what I did. Because the plain fact is that I don’t know anything about that pharmacist’s journey. I have no way of knowing the nature of his path or how he walks it. Take away the fancy capsule-filler machine and he’s just a child of the universe.

He probably didn't attend college when I did, at which time even liberal arts students such as myself, and not just chemistry majors, were fully engaged in experiments with your various substances. Even the fellas with the engineering department were deep into it, mainly because those jerky, insanely uptight lads were on the spectrum and needed the meds. (We didn’t call it autism then; we used another word that starts with “a.”)

The point here is that, during the holidays, it’s bad form to imply that anyone may have wasted thousands of dollars and hours of study toward their education. So when we encounter those who do not enjoy the same level of scientific sophistication that we lucky few can boast, the season calls for a generous heart. I guess that’s what Christmas is all about, really. Assuming, of course, that this eggnog eventually kicks in.

[thedietelf]

why the fuck did i read that as curtains

if anon doesn't want to ask, i can ask a question.

Sure lmao! anon just left me hanging

[catofadifferentcolor]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard (2024)

"You are not my god."

My journey with Dragon Age starts picking DA2 out of a bargain bin at GameStop and falling absolutely in love. (Spoilers below the cut.)

Playing DA:O afterwards turned me off the series for years - I never, ever have been able to get into it - before giving DA:I a shot. I don't particularly love DA:I either, but it is a solid, quality game that I've replayed enough through the years to have been tentatively excited about DA:V.

And my initial thoughts were: oh my god this is so pretty (The hair looks like real hair! The water looks like real water! The snozzberries taste like real snozzberries!) but this doesn't feel like Dragon Age.

When interrupting Solas' ritual, I never would have guessed the demon we fought was a Pride demon without the commentary. It doesn't look anything close the the Pride demons of DA2 and DA:I... and while concept evolution is a thing it doesn't look like what I was expecting. It feels like an entirely different game, least so far as the demons were concerned.

I went in without expectations, avoiding all spoilers. And all I could do is keep asking where is Thedas? for the first 10 hours of the game.

THE GOOD:

The pacing was excellent. Too often DA:I devolved into tedium, with hours spent tracking down the last landmark, region, or shard. Circuits of Skyhold would show nothing had changed since the last major plot point. Not so here. There was a nice balance between main plot and side quests and exploration, which kept things from dragging. It was honestly a surprise to find I’d spent 50+ hours on the game.

Combat was excellent - once I got used to it. It was overwhelming at the beginning figuring out a new combat system, for which I felt drastically underpowered until I gained a few levels and turned down the difficulty, but once I got the hang of it I liked the frenetic madness. Weisshaupt in particular felt viscerally real despite the Blighted monsters you fought.

The graphics are excellent, facial expressions realistic, and day 1 bugs almost nonexistent. The game felt finished in a way many do not.

The companions were memorable, with backgrounds and quests unique and appropriate to each. I’ve issues with some of the specific quests, but the companions themselves were delightful - and worth rotating through. More like DA2, in its close knit group of friends, than DA:I, with many companions I honestly ignored in most play throughs.

Assan. A+, no notes, keep doing what you’re doing. 

THE BAD:

The world state. I can understand not wanting to have to port over thousands of decisions from three previous games, but when the three you do give us don’t seem to matter it’s hard not to get frustrated. My Inquisitor romanced Dorian and the only nod to it was a single line of dialogue at the very end. How hard would it have been been to add a second at Dorian’s introduction along the lines of, “my amatus speaks highly of you”? (I’m not even asking for much here. Add a couple more choices - whether the HoF lived or died, who Hawke sided with and whether they’re trapped in the Fade, what happened with the Wardens and Orlais, and who drank from the Well of Sorrows - and BioWare would have made a lot of people happier, kept things accessible to new players, and still only had 9 total choices. Better than Dragon Age Keep, but an unpleasant slap in the face nonetheless.

The writing felt clunky and in your face. The constant refrain to build up your team and do any companion quests felt unnecessary, and while purple Rook was hilarious it was hard to get a grip on why they signed on to help Varric in the first place. 

The demon redesigns. Dragon Age has always been a bit iffy with visual consistency, but I shouldn’t need dialogue to tell me something is a Pride demon. I’ve probably invested hundreds of hours into this series; I should be able to tell something is a Pride demon at a glance whatever changes they make.

I hate the visuals for nearly all the returning characters - I don’t mind that Dorian has aged in the last decade, I care that his outfit is ugly. Isabella’s outfit is just anime levels of absurdity and insult, even if the men have it just as bad in her group. And what is even with the Inquisitor’s purple nonsense? Could they not at least have bothered to give them armor for the final battle?

THE UGLY:

The writers forgot their own lore. Tevinter is supposed to be a hotbed of slavery, drastically different from the rest of Thedas, but you’d never guess without a couple passing remarks in conversations with the Shadow Dragons. And then we’re meant to believe the Veneturi - pro-human as they are - would just accept that their gods were just the ancient eleven gods by a different name? Shouldn’t at least a few refuse to follow an elf, no matter how powerful, on racist principle? And that’s not even owning up the can of worms that is all of the Dalish seeming to just accept that their gods are evil, blighted oppressors. (Which should at least cause a few conversations, given how historically oppressed the Dalish have been.) And as much as I liked Emmrich’s storyline, lichs feel like a last minute D&D addition and not a natural part of the franchise.

The writers forgot their roots. Nothing in Dragon Age has ever been black or white. In DA:O, neither the werewolves or the Dalish were wholly in the right - but if you did exactly the right thing, you could get them to work together. Neither were either the Dwarf fractions were angels, and for all Loghain’s machinations you can still debate whether his actions at Ostigar were politically driven or military sound. DA2 goes out of its way to show the Mages and Templars both have good and bad points. DA:I was littered with choices without clear cut answers - what to do with the Wardens or those you judged, which war criminal should rule Orlais, &c. Yet there was none of that was present here. The only choice I agonized over was who to lead the second team in the endgame, and even that retrospectively is a no brainer because Assan can never be allowed to be hurt and so - for me - the right choice will always be Harding. 

(Seriously, we had both people who could have drank from the Well of Sorrows in the game; that should have had some consequences.)

The name. The Veilguard is an incredibly stupid name, more so because it’s never once used by the characters to describe themselves. Simply Veilguard would have been better, but honestly the whole thing is awful. Sticking with Dread Wolf or even going with DA: Rebellion or something nonsensical would have been better.

Is it a bad game? No. It would have been more impressive as a stand alone than the fourth installment in a beloved series, but the bones of something good are there. It felt more like someone's fanfic of DA4 than a proper installment - and, honestly, I've read better fan fiction. In the face of your light by @noverturemusings comes to mind. So does A Herald Named Desire by ushauz.

Don't get me wrong: I liked it. There's a lot to be said for it even if on some level it feels like the developers shook the earlier installments of the series down for their best parts and saw what they could make with it. Once I got used to the combat system, I even started to enjoy it. The skeleton at the end of Emmrich's companion quest felt like a call back to ME2's final boss. Ghilan'nain's blighted dragon felt like a thresher maw. Lucanis' epic entrance echoed Jack's from ME2. And so on. It works, but feels cheap on some level.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:

Hand to god, I guessed Varric had really died in the beginning sometime shortly after he started talking about the lyrium dagger being the old red lyrium idol. It seemed like bad writing at the time, but the way he didn't come up with a single nickname for anyone and failed to interact with the others made me wonder. I just thought it was an outlandish theory because if BioWare was going to kill off a fan favorite, they'd make a bigger production of it.

I actually liked the part where Rook was pulled into Solas' prison, but genuinely think there was no way it would have held the risen gods. It requires the prisoner to feel regret, which neither god was capable of feeling.

Honestly, Solas couldn't have told someone the whole story at some point in the last 10 years? Wanting to tear down the Veil to keep the gods from escaping is marginally better than simply wanting to restore the old elven empire.

Hell, the whole first hour of the game would have worked better as the last hour of Trespasser. Left us all on a brilliant cliffhanger for a decade and wrapped up that storyline nicely.

Really, what is with the outfits? Why are so many of them completely ugly, the rest completely impractical, and all of them anime fantasy levels of over the top?

tl;dr? I like this game off the bat better than I did DA:I, but whereas that game grew on me I have a feeling I'll only be finding the cracks beneath the paint in this one for a while. I'll definitely replay (I really want to romance Lucanis next time and might start right after posting this), but I doubt I'll put anywhere near the number of hours into DA:V as I did DA:I, even if it's another 10 years to DA5. 4.5 out of 5 stars.

[spyraleyes]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Wonka The Snozzberries Taste Like Snozzberries Anklet.

[xalwaysmaggiex]

“The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.” 

[imnotsorryanymore5]

Snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

[alovecraft]

Does it taste like snozzberries?

[mrsdawg4908]

🤔Late Night Insomniac Thoughts👀🫢

Newest Invention: Lickable Wallpaper...

As the children and their guardians go to town on the wallpaper, Wonka declares: "Lick an orange. It tastes like an orange. The strawberries taste like strawberries! The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!"

"Snozzberries" is obviously a fanciful, fictional word, and nobody knows what they really were. Except that Roald Dahl, the book's author, knew exactly what snozzberries were: They're dicks. Snozzberries are dicks. Willy Wonka made those kids lick dick-flavored wallpaper.😱

🤷🏽‍♀🤦🏽‍♀😂

https://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/the-filthiest-joke-ever-hidden-in-childrens-movie

https://youtu.be/ZF3NJIlCDgk?si=WOEZwtnkJCdvUVV-

[boyswhocryyy]

These snozzberries taste like shit!!

[edward-lygma-ballz]

The snozzberrys taste like snozzberrys!!