#the snark is chef's kiss

[millerflintstone]

Edmund Blackadder > Mr. Bean

[amitysnark]

I've been playing The Wandering Village after watching Real Civil Engineer's series on YouTube, and I have to say, shit is FUN. As it says on the tin, I've got a big preference for farm sims, not really a town-builder person, but oh my god, I love this game so much-- from the concept to the graphics to the gameplay loop. It reminds me of Nausicaa! I'm big on "Earth is a creature" folklore, so the Onbu is a great play on that, and it's super inspiring for my own fantasy worldbuilding.

I've only been playing on Novice mode because I'm a big wimp, but I feel like I'm really getting the hang of it. I might move on to Normal mode soon. Highly recommend if you're a fan of town-builders and cool creatures!!

[bklynmusicnerd]

After watching Wakanda Forever for a second time, I'm coming to the conclusion that mcu Shuri is definitely on my list of favorite characters of all time. I love everything about her arc from the first movie to this one, particularly how she went from being the precocious, hyperintelligent comedic relief little sister to the tragic hero who is forced to grow up through grief. And I love that her arc is played completely straight and taken seriously in the writing, no one underestimates her or trivializes her emotions and it's probably my favorite part of this movie.

[bucknastysbabe]

Babes, I was thinking, dom! Bucky and reader where his dumb ass doesn’t give her aftercare and then she’s upset. Later, his ass brings it around and makes her feel better. I go feral for aftercare in fics because I’m secretly a little bitch and need reassurance. The raunchier the smut the better. I’m a whore. Love you, babes 😚

HI BUCKYBUDDY MWAH MWAH LUV U💋💋Less get intewww it! I haven’t written a dom buck in ages and then angst and fluffy fluff after??? *chefs kiss* As always thanks for the request and I hope you enjoy this, imma put my whole freak nasty abilities into the raunchy, then my soft baby into the fluff. I too need some reassurance bc I’m actually a huge baby🤣

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Dom!Bucky barnes, Dom/sub, Bucky is an idiot, pnv!sex, bad bdsm etiquette, sub drop, hurt/comfort, big dick bb, fluff n smut n angst, dirty talk, oral (m!receiving), safe words, anxiety/negative self talk/depression

Your lover was in a mood, not necessarily angry but aggravated. He initiated the little playtime scene, coming home and growling, “Can’t catch a fucking break. Need my little girl to help me let off some steam.” His broody eyes roved over your reclined form, clad in skimpy shorts and a little tank top.

You couldn’t deny your sexy, fucking gorgeous man. A rough fuck would be good for him, and nothing was better than getting your pussy goddamn murdered by his cock. You instantly acquiesced, reminding baby of your safe words.

No time was wasted, Buck hauled you to bedroom, landed a sharp smack on your ass along the way. Clothes shredded, some haphazardly thrown, boots flung so hard the lamp rattled as he kneeled on the bed. You stared with wide eyes, unsure of what next considering how fast the situation was moving along.

“Get it wet baby, you know what to do, staring at me like some fuckin’ virgin,” the brunette snarked.

Crawling forward— you gripped his girth, lapping and enveloping the tip. Buck’s vibranium hand wound itself in your ponytail, yanking with a snarl, “Deeper baby, c’mon now.” He was lucky you had a lack of a gag reflex, tucking your lips and swallowing him down. He groaned in ecstasy, head falling back as he cursed, “Good little slutty girl, that’s it.”

You breathed through your nose as he murmured, “Gonna fuck that tight throat of yours.” Your lids fluttered at the feeling, lips stretched tight around his thick cock, throat full, the salty taste of pre-cum wetting your tongue.

His heavy balls slapped your chin as you gripped strong thighs, your lover grunting and keeping your head still with that metal hand, fucking ruthlessly. Tears sprung to your eyes, pussy throbbing and leaking. Bucky groaned again, pulling you off his dick, wet and messy.

All you could do was gasp and whimper, drool falling from your swollen lips. He smiled darkly, caressing your reddened face with big hands. Bucky cooed, “You’re so damn pretty.” He seized your lips, wet smacks filling the quiet room. You instinctively moved to your back, legs spread for him.

Buck tutted between kisses, “Nuh-uh, on your belly.” You whimpered sadly as he gave one more kiss, those huge hands of his flipping your frame over, pulling your hips up in a quick jerk. He palmed a breast roughly, pulling at your stiff bud, so sensitive you couldn’t help but mewl.

Another hand thumbed your swollen cunt, laughing, “So wet for me. Sweet pretty slut, get your mouth around some cock and you’re wetting the sheets.” He thumbed your clit with a slick thumb, grinning sharply at the whine of his name. You warbled, “C’mon baby, fuck me, I helped you out.”

A yank of your ponytail brought his lips close to you, nipping at your earlobe, muscled body pressed to you. Bucky rumbled, “Can you be patient sweetie? I asked if you’d help me let off some steam and here you are making demands like an entitled bitch.”

He pinched your clit, forcing a yowl out your lips. Your boyfriend nestled his cock against your swollen folds, rutting playfully slow. Bucky asked, false sweetness lacing his tone, “You gonna’ shut your mouth and let me do my thing?”

Yank. Nip. Slap.

“Y-yessir, Bucky, I’ll be good now, m’sorry.”

“Good girl.”

He shoved his cock in with no preamble, filling your pussy to the brim with a filthy squelch. Bucky’s hands faltered at your hips, breath stuttered and harsh, he grunted, “Fucking hell, god your pussy— hah, fucking tight.” He took a moment to steady his knees, effectively caging your own in.

“Arch,” he commanded. You did so, pressing your lower body to the bed, whining, “S’big.” He patted your ass and claimed cockily, “I know, slutty hole like yours can take it.” More tears leaked, he was on one today. You couldn’t deny the sweet pleasure and the mean words, made you throb that much harder.

His hands possessively splayed up your back, clasping them upon your shaking shoulder. The force of his thrust shoved you forward into the mattress with a muffled cry. Bucky’s hips clapped against your ass, brutally fucking you open. All you could do was drool and keen his name and other nonsense.

Goosebumps rose on your skin, pussy weeping and convulsing around Bucky’s huge cock. It dragged against your ridged insides, nudged your sweet spot, battered your cervix. Nothing was spared when your lover filled you up, feeling like he was in your belly. The soldier was grunting and moaning deeply, smacking a vibranium hand across your ass. He sped up his movements, beginning to pant. Bucky asked, “Good little slut, always such a good hole for me.”

You babbled, “Yes, yes, always, just for you!”

He rewarded you with a hand to your engorged clit, working it the way that made your legs shake— like they weren’t already jello. Bucky hauled you up with his free hand, using his strength to keep your overstimulated body aloft.

“Y’gonna cream on my big cock doll? I can feel ya’ squeezing me. Pussy’s jus’ begging for me to fill it up. Fucking hungry for it, you’re such a nympho for me.”

You were crying and shaking, nerves alight, pussy unbearably sensitive. You sobbed his name over and over, skin too hot and your clit shooting fire up into your belly. Buck cried out your name when you stiffened head to toe, core clamping down on him, gushing slick all over his still pumping dick.

You mewled and whimpered, falling limp, weak hands still gripping the sheets. Bucky managed longer, overstimulating your abused pussy. He didn’t last as far as you feared, leaning over your frame to mouth at the nape of your neck as he pumped you full of cum. So much cum it flooded your channel, spilling out and onto the bed.

Bucky had intense orgasms courtesy of the serum. He’d inhale sharply, shuddering as his overfull balls emptied for what felt like years. He leaned back up and pulled out with a soft noise, watching your ruined cunt with a smirk.

He got up to get a towel to wipe his dick off, coming back to get you clean. Bucky was pulling on his jeans now. You turned to ask, voice still slurred from your fuzzy brain, “Where’ya going Buck?”

He ran a hand through his shaggy hair and replied, “Gotta meet up with Sam, won’t be longer than an hour. I’ll be back, why don’t you grab a hot bath, I’ll bring back something to eat for you?”

A dreadful feeling consumed you. Bucky was busy, you didn’t need to whine for him to stay around. You rasped, “Can you get me a water bottle?” He nodded and padded off, returning with the cool water, handing it over with a kiss to your forehead. You struggled with words, scared to start bawling. Bucky always took care of you after an intense session. The mean ones.

He laced up his boots and slung on a jacket, blue eyes turning back as he stated, “Won’t be long I promise, ‘kay babydoll? Text me if you need anything.” You nodded while sipping the water, watching his familiar walk leave the room.

You flopped back onto the rumpled bed, body and cunt sore from the rough play. Emotions began to well up out of nowhere— embarrassment, loneliness, sadness. What if Bucky really meant all that he said?

Just a hole for him to fuck. Easy slut for easy access. You stifled a sob and failed. Everything felt like shit. You shivered from the intense anxiety, too struck to do anything but get under the mussed covers, mind whirling to all the worst places.

God. What if he told Sam about how wanton and loud you were, baring your neck at the slightest snap of Bucky’s fingers. You sobbed some more, grabbing a pillow to hold. It smelled like him, comforting, then sickening.

Managing to crawl out of bed you walked on jelly legs to the large bathtub, sprinkling the lavender epsom salt. Something to abate the cold. You ended up sobbing more and shaking in the tub. The need to call Bucky was heightening, but your brain whispered, “He’s busy, you’d be bothering him, just fuck off.”

Eventually the water got cold and you stepped out, body less achy. Drying off and slipping on this fleece hoodie thing your friend gifted you felt somewhat comforting. You didn’t want to get back in the ruined bed.

Instead the couch and a fluffy blanket would do. The water bottle and phone instinctively came with you. You blankly stared out the window, petting Alpine, still fucking shedding tears. The fluffy white cat seemed to sense your bad mood, curling up on your belly, purring.

Your phone sat on the table, annoyingly catching your interest. With an irritated huff you finally grabbed it. There was missed calls from Bucky, a couple of texts from him too. Even Sam had sent something.

Sliding open the phone you read the texts.

“At the Thai place, the usual?”

“You’re probably sleeping but I got Pad See Ew anyways.”

“You okay doll?”

“Hello?”

Then there was three missed calls. You made to dial back, spirits lifted a bit. The sound of the door busting open startled you. Alpine jumped, skittering off. A bewildered Bucky was making a beeline toward you, thick brows pulled together. The takeout bag was left on the ground. He grabbed you up and placed you onto his lap, placing fervent smooches all over your face.

The show of affection made you bawl again. Bucky’s warm flesh hand rubbed circles on your back. He murmured gently, “Babydoll, m’so sorry, I should’ve just cancelled the plans. Sam told me to go home and pull my head out my ass when I wouldn’t stop checking my phone.”

He looked so worried, babbling apologies, pulling you even closer into his frame. You sniffled, “I don’t know what happened, usually you stick around, then I got all s-sad.” Swallowing heavily you continued, “M’not just some whore to you am I? Everything’s s-so-so mixed uh-up. In my head.”

Bucky sighed, “Oh my love, no, no, you’re everything to me. I didnt communicate, forgot about aftercare— sweetheart I can’t live without you. Breaking my heart baby. Can’t believe I just left my doll all alone like that.”

You wrapped your arms around his waist, tucking your face into his scruffy neck, letting out the rest of your emotions. Bucky cooed and coddled you, planting kisses on the crown of your head. He murmured, “Let it out, you still got some dinner and cuddles.”

Your breathing evened out enough to reply with a teary smile, “Okay, yeah, I am hungry.” Bucky somehow carried you around like a koala while he fed you the noodles, then ice cream, and more water. You felt better by the second, growing sleepy in his big arms.

“I love you baby doll, don’t ever think I don’t,” he swore.

“I love you too. So much. But we need to sleep in the guest room.”

The pair of you chuckled, sharing sweet kisses as the big softie carried you to the direction of the other bed. He gently laid you down, more lovey nonsense and kisses adorning the movement. Bucky climbed under the covers, pulling your body close to his. You fell asleep feeling warm and loved.

He might be a bit of a dumbass, but god if he didn’t make up for it.

[mclarenviolet]

Cherry Wine

Astarion x GN!Reader

Warnings: Brief mention of blood/hunting, shameless flirting and a smidge of fluff

WC: 500+

A/N: Continuing the trend of naming my Astarion fics after Hozier songs because the combination is ✨chef's kiss✨ As always I try to keep reader gender neutral but as I haven't proofread this one particularly well please let me know if there's any slip ups!

You enter the firelit camp after your evening bathe in the nearby river, glad to have washed away the intense grime of the bog you'd been traversing for the last few days. You cast your gaze over to where Astarion lounges against a log, wine bottle in hand, his crimson eyes already fixed on you with a mischievous glint.

"Well, well, well," he purrs, a smug smile tugging at his lips. "If it isn't my favorite person in this whole wretched world."

You roll your eyes, failing in your attempt to hide your smile from the handsome vampire. "Spare me your flattery, Astarion. I might just faint from the shock."

He chuckles, his fingers idly tracing patterns in the dirt. "Oh darling, your heart can surely handle a few well-placed compliments from time to time."

You settle down beside him, your shoulder brushing against his. "And what makes you so certain that I'm not immune to your charms?"

Astarion leans in closer, his lips just a breath away from your ear. "Because, my dear, I've seen the way your cheeks flush whenever I grace you with my presence."

You fight back a laugh, shaking your head. "You're impossible, you know that?"

He grins, his gaze smoldering as it meets yours. "Ah, but you love every bit of it."

You feign exasperation, throwing up your hands in mock defeat. "Fine, you win. I'm utterly captivated by your snark. Happy now?"

Astarion's laughter is low and melodic, "Delighted, actually."

As the night wears on, the camp grows quiet, your companions settling down in their tents, undoubtedly exhausted from what felt like endless days of battling amidst that miserable bog. Astarion however stays firmly planted by your side, silver hair seemingly glowing in the moonlight as he stares up towards the stars.

"You know," his tone soft, "despite my 'snark' as you so eloquently put it, I really do quite enjoy our time together."

Your heart skips a beat as his playful façade gives way to a vulnerability that takes you by surprise. "I know." your voice equally gentle.

He leans slowly towards you, gaze meeting yours once more, his lips hovering just inches from yours. "And if I were to do something that's shockingly out of character, would you be too surprised to stop me?"

Your breath hitches as his fingers brush against your jaw. "I guess we'll just have to find out."

And with that, his lips capture yours in a passionate kiss fueled by weeks of teasing and flirtatious banter, of stolen glances and lingering touches.

Astarion's arms wrap around you, pulling you closer as the kiss deepens, his fingers tangling in your hair. You can taste the coppery tang of whichever creature he hunted earlier mingled with the cherry wine he's been leisurely sipping on all evening, a mixture you find unexpectedly intoxicating.

When the kiss finally breaks, you both pull away, breathless and dazed. Astarion's confident smirk fades into a genuine smile, his inquisitive eyes searching yours.

"Surprised?" he asks, his voice a low whisper.

You grin, all too aware that Astarion's keen hearing must be picking up the way your heart pounds in your chest. "Very."

He leans in to press another kiss to your lips, his fingers tracing absent patterns on your back. "Well, my dear, prepare to be surprised more often."

A/N: Welcome to another episode of Violet doesn't know how to end her fics 😌 Thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated as always 💕

[zumicho]

SEASON ONE: EP2 — RED FLAGS ALL AROUND

it smells like seaweed.

no, this isn’t the ocean. the indoor kitchen has a nice enough view.

it smells like soy sauce too. add sesame oil, tuna, mayonnaise, and pickled plums to the mix. osamu’s hands are busy — assembling and flipping, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead with the back of his palm, adjusting the MSBY baseball cap that neatly tucks his choppy summer cut away. he looks in his element. a chef? father of two? one of those. she makes a mental note.

the porch floorboards creak: a signal for incoming trouble.

bokuto almost tumbles into the doorway as nishinoya follows close behind, both faces plastered with ear-wide grins.

bo - pupils the size of jupiter - juts out his finger. “look.”

two ladybugs, perched on the pad of his pointer.

“what you missed out on.” noya quips. one climbs into her palm.

“where’s shoyo?” she asks him.

the two give each other an uh oh face, then they’re sprinting back outside, knocking over a few articles of furniture before leaving her with him again.

osamu: who was previously oblivious to her presence (whether or not he was faking, is an entirely different conversation). was scoffing. “got stood up?”

she’s rolling her eyes. “why do you ask? going to play knight in shining armor and go with me instead?” the corners of her lips tug.

he’s dumbfounded. or so it seems. whatever it is — the silence is making her nauseous. did he not expect that? was it too much?

“jeez, can’t take a joke? I don’t go for guys with buzzcuts.” that’s not what she wanted to say. his hair looks.. fine. nice, even. still: there’s nothing more satisfying than landing a blow to a man’s ego. especially when the chance waves itself in front of your face.

samu opens his mouth, but her date’s walking down the steps before he can snark out a reply. her attention is diverted. stolen. there’s an odd weight in his chest when her back is turned toward him.

he decides he doesn’t like it.

they’re exchanging a look. unreadable. he’s watching (involuntarily). she walks up closer, and for a moment — osamu freezes.

they’re going to kiss? when they just met?

her hand meets her hip.

“why are you wearing a tie to the beach?”

osamu is wrong.

kuroo goes pale.

author’s note: I’m aware the pacing for the last chapter was rough, there will be improvements trust 🤝 I tried writing this from 3rd pov how do we like?? I want this to feel like watching a show

GUESTLIST @causenessus @guitarstringed-scars @cloudybillows @s1ckntw1st3d @suna-rins-sunshine @hyenagoated @hibernatinghamster @yogurtkags @acowboykisser @yukatoraa @fishrene @iwaizluv @iluvmang @neoclb @kr1nqu @lvtilzs @wave2mia @zahrawr-writes-fanfics @bubooo @bectoshi @gra-eae @cr4yolaas @cloooudddy1 @jaynawayna @ryuverse @miliondollagirl @soulfullystarry @fiannee @yumiecheesecrackers @ast4rg1rl @eujoana89 @whenanafallsinlove @arraxthatsonjah @staileykout @kaiiibxby @miiyas @serossidechick @chososcamgirl @yuminako @diorzs @muyyie @krissiekris

[citrinesparkles]

EMI 🥺🥺🥺 oh this is darling and YOU are darling and i'm delighted by this- thank you so much omg <3 you are the bee's knees seriously

Autumn Winds and Boyfriend Hoodies

jason todd x reader

(A/N): So my last few weeks have been something like open and close a show, then get COVID, then have 6 essays due this week, but after his week, I'll hopefully have breathing room.

This is a birthday gift for the wonderful Citi @citrinesparkles who has been so patient about my ramblings and is just a lovely human. Citi, I hope you love it :)

warnings: none that i can think of?

wc: ~1200

~~~~

It’s been a long day. There’s no special reason, nothing you did or didn’t do. You had the right supplies for your before-work caffeine and you left on time. You even found a ten at the bottom of your bag that you’d completely forgotten about when you went to buy lunch. But you feel like you didn’t sleep as well last night, and someone opened a window somewhere before you’d even arrived, giving the late autumn winds full permission to whip through the building, leaving an unshakeable chill in their wake. 

It’s an even chillier two block walk from the bus station to your building, and you welcome the heat as you step inside. Your plans tonight: shower, heat up leftovers for dinner, and watch a movie or two on Netflix before you go to sleep. Even better if your boyfriend can in fact make it over by 8. You got a text earlier in the day that he’d gotten safely home from his two-day mission with minimal injuries, so you’re optimistic. You open your text chain with Jason as you walk up the stairs to the third floor to let him know you’re home and he can come by whenever. 

And then you get to your apartment, walk inside, and it’s freezing. You toe off your shoes and head towards the heater. There’s no warm air blowing — which is expected as it feels like it’s 60 degrees in your apartment — and the light that glows to indicate it’s on isn’t blinking a dull green as usual. Five minutes of fiddling later, you give up and email the maintenance for your building. The automated response you get says that they close at 6 in the evenings except for emergencies—which you don’t qualify as—and they won’t get back to you until tomorrow morning.

“Great, just what I needed,” you mutter to yourself, stripping off your coat to hang it up and dropping your bag by the door. You take off your shoes and put your keys on the hook by the door. You’re already getting chilly. “A hot shower sounds really good right now.”

There’s a knock on the door 40 minutes later, after you’ve showered and heated up dinner and gotten your food and drink to the coffee table. The TV is on, showing you the Netflix home screen. You don’t want to put your blanket on your lap while you’re eating, so you resign yourself to just being chilly for the next half-hour or so. The knock comes as you’re scrolling through your list, searching for something low-effort to watch, and you let out a heavy breath before untangling yourself from your squished position on the couch in order to put your bowl and the remote on the coffee table and open the door.

Jason’s on the other side when you open it, in sweatpants and a hoodie under a leather jacket. Just seeing him makes your evening so much better. He looks exhausted, heavy bags under his eyes and in soft clothes, and there’s a spark of warmth in your chest because he trusts you enough to see that part of him and you feel so incredibly lucky. 

“Hi,” you say, and you can feel a dopey smile crossing your face. You see Jason’s eyes scan you quickly, traveling over your snowflake pj pants and fuzzy socks and one of his t-shirts, and he smiles back at you. 

“Hi babe. Did you want to stand in the doorway all night or?” You step back, opening the door wider as he comes inside. 

“You know Jay, if you didn’t want to eat the remaining leftovers in my fridge, you could have just said so.” Jason laughs, a bright thing that makes you smile too. 

“Missed you too.” 

He takes the door to close it behind him and then leans towards you. You catch his face with your hands as his arms circle around your waist and back. It’s a soft kiss, and his lips are warm, staving off the chill that you’ve felt since you walked in, and you take a second to press your forehead against his temple, just relishing in the fact that he’s here, safe, with you. 

He’s a little taller than he usually is, and you look down when you step back; he’s wearing work boots. He only wears those when he needs to fit something bulky in his shoes because he doesn’t have to tie them. 

“Minimal injuries, huh?” you ask. Jason follows your eyes down to his shoes and shrugs. 

“I’m walking, so I’d say it’s minimal.” You turn to the kitchen. 

“Sit down and put whichever ankle it is on the coffee table. I’ll get your food. And an ice pack.” 

When you look back at him, Jason is grinning. He hangs his leather jacket on his hook on your coat hanger. 

-

By the time you get back to the coffee table, any warmth you’d been feeling is gone, and the ice pack you have in your hands isn’t helping. You hand Jason the ice pack first and he positions it properly over his ankle before you hand him his food. He takes it with a murmured ‘thanks,’ and you hum in response, picking your food back up and sitting back in your spot on the couch. Your food isn’t warm anymore, more lukewarm, but you’re not willing to uncurl again just to heat it up. 

Jason’s settled on a movie, you realize; there’s something paused on the screen. You didn’t even hear him start it. 

“Babe, you okay?” When you look at him, Jason’s face is creased with concern. You feel guilty for making him worry when he just got back and you’re frustrated at yourself that it’s something so mundane. 

“I’m cold.” The words sound sort of whiny and pathetic to you when they come out of your mouth, but Jason’s face lights up. 

“Hold this,” he says, passing you his bowl. You take it, confused, as he wriggles around, pulling off his hoodie. It’s dark red and huge and has a tiny logo in the corner of what you think is a Wayne Enterprises shelter in the narrows. Jason takes his bowl back and hands you the hoodie, then motions for you to give him your bowl. You hesitate, fingers twitching towards the sweatshirt.

“I run warm, so don’t feel like you’re putting me out. It’s all yours, babe.” 

It takes you a second to find the hood and the sleeves, but it’s warm and smells like Jason’s favorite cologne and a little bit of cinnamon.  

You turn to Jason, fixing the hair that had gotten messed up as you yanked the hoodie over your head. He’s staring at you, a smile on his face you’d never seen before. 

“What?” you ask, taking your bowl back from him. “Are you realizing I look better in it than you do?” 

A snort of laughter from him startles you into your own laughter. For the first time all day, you don’t feel a chill.  

-

Later on, when your food is finished and there’s a large bowl of popcorn on Jason’s lap that you’ve both been taking from throughout the movie, you’re sure you’re keeping the hoodie. And you’re right; Jason doesn’t get it back until he moves in with you, years later. By then, the logo’s peeling, but it’s softer than it used to be. 

The smiles Jason makes when he looks at you though? Those are the same. 

[nymphomatique]

You know, I really like your nerdy!Miguel and slutty!reader💅 Chef kiss💯

May I request a drabble where reader is going to meet her parents and she's really not happy about it? (Basically they are emotionally abusive towards her)

How would Miguel react if she just, you know, cries in his shoulder instead of fucking him like she always does?

(I'm just really into agnst sometimes, my apologies ⊂(・﹏・⊂))

P.s. English in not my first language, so I hope I wrote everything clear.

Thanks for you work!!

yes baby! and your english is perfect 🫶🏾 i hope i did ur request justice!

cw: feelings, reader going through it, emotionally neglectful parents, just a lot of feelings fr. brief mentions of sex i think, erm and barely proofread. enjoy!

you sat at your vanity in your dorm room, simply looking at yourself in the mirror. you felt like your stomach was going to drop out of your ass. you take a deep breath and hold it for a moment, hoping, praying, it grounds you.

within the reflection of your mirror, your eyes couldn’t help but focus on the figure sitting on your bed, nose buried in their laptop screen. you called miguel over with the intention of letting off steam at first, but the more you thought about it, the less it sounded like a good choice to make. so, you told him to make himself comfortable and keep you company, not without some snark of course. you feel bad sometimes, for snapping at him, letting out your anger on him, knowing he will take anything off your shoulders to bare upon his own. it crushes you inside to think about how you treat someone you care deeply about, even if you deny it to yourself.

your eyes meet in the mirror and miguel catches you looking, offering a warm smile in exchange. the moment is brief, and he returns his focus to whatever he was doing on his laptop, but as minuscule the moment, the more you feel yourself unraveling. a burning feeling crawls up your nose and you bow your head down, your face pulling downward. fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. please don’t leave me. i need you. your mind feels overwhelmed, and you can’t help the tears from falling down your cheek. you let them fall one by one, shame, guilt, and anxiety building up the more your tears spill.

your ears are ringing, you can’t. you can’t feel, you can’t see, you can’t breathe. a sob from deep within you leaves your mouth and you drop your forehead to your vanity, letting your emotion take over you. you can’t hear the soft lulling of music that you were playing while getting ready anymore, not the typing of keys from miguel. you’re so disoriented. when you feel something, someone strong and stable lift you up and bring you down onto your bed, your chest to its chest, you don’t question it. you know what it is. who it is. you let thick arms hold you, keep you together as you burst from the seams, the soft cooing and kissing lull your tears into a soft hiccup. the soft circles miguel rubs around your upper back make you realize what just happened and you’re embarrassed.

“i- i don’t- i can’t believe i-” you begin, but you’re interrupted by a soft squeeze from miguel.

“s’okay, baby,” he says softly, kissing the top of your head. “talk to me? please?”

and you decide you owe this moment of vulnerability to him, and yourself. and so, you take a shaky breath, and tell him why you panicked the way you did.

“my- my parents.. they..”

those words open a floodgate of bad memories and feelings. you tell him about everything. you tell him how your father and mother were emotionally absent. how they threw money at you when you needed them the most. how even at your lowest, your parents never cared for what they can do for you beyond the monetary.

you tell him about one moment in particular. where you were in first grade, you remember clearly. it was a day where you had to put together a career project based on one of your parents and have them sit and watch you present. and you remember being there’s, so little, so young, so expectant. watching everyone go one by one while you begged your teacher to wait for your parents to come because they promised! and you sat, and you watched the classroom door, and you waited until it was your turn. even as you presented, shaky voice and mispronounced words, you still held onto hope that they would come see you present even the last word to leave from your mouth.

but nothing. you sat back down and went through the rest of the day feeling sad and upset, but moreover lonely. you wish you had your parents.

“i remember asking them why they never came,” you sniffle, and miguel hugs you tight in his strong embrace. “straight up told me that it wasn’t worth their time.” the wounds of the old memory still feel fresh as you reminisce on them, years later.

“i will always be there when you need me. you’re forever and always worth my time,” miguel says, kissing your head. you’re silent, but you soak in his words. you know how you feel about him. i love you so fucking much that i hate you.

“m’supposed to meet them for dinner,” you breathe out, sitting up from miguel’s embrace. still, you reach to hold his hand tightly.

“you’ll be okay, baby. i’ll pick you up, and drop you off. anything happens, you call me and i’m there, yeah?” miguel whispers, running his hand up and down your thigh affectionately.

“yeah.”

when miguel drops you off, you take a moment to look in the fancy restaurant they’re both sat in. you look back at miguel and he reassures you once more, that “i will always be here when you need me.”

you lean in across the dash, pulling him into a deep kiss. “thank you.”

you finally get out of the car, but miguel watches you the whole way through, waiting until you walk in. your heart starts pounding but you remember when he said. i will always be here when you need me. i will always be here when you need me. i will always be here when you need me.

a reassuring breath calms you only slightly, but you walk in. your eyes flit to and fro in the dinning room, but when you hear boisterous laughter and haughty conversation in a booth ahead of you, you know they are your parents. you walk over to the table, not faulting when the mood fizzles, and a stale expression crosses both your mother and fathers faces.

“mother. father.” you sit across from them, your heart beating out of its chest. and you’re ready to take on your parents, knowing you have someone, miguel, who will always be there when you need him.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Inkjump Linkdump

For the rest of May, my bestselling solarpunk utopian novel THE LOST CAUSE (2023) is available as a $2.99, DRM-free ebook!

It's the start of a long weekend and I've found myself with a backlog of links, so it's time for another linkdump – the eighteenth in the (occasional) series. Here's the previous installments:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

Kicking off this week's backlog is a piece of epic lawyer-snark, which is something I always love, but what makes this snark total catnip for me is that it's snark about copyfraud: false copyright claims made to censor online speech. Yes please and a second portion, thank you very much!

This starts with the Cola Corporation, a radical LA-based design store that makes lefty t-shirts, stickers and the like. Cola made a t-shirt that remixed the LA Lakers logo to read "Fuck the LAPD." In response, the LAPD's private foundation sent a nonsense copyright takedown letter. Cola's lawyer, Mike Dunford, sent them a chef's-kiss-perfect reply, just two words long: "LOL, no":

https://www.techdirt.com/2024/04/19/apparel-company-gives-perfect-response-to-lapds-nonsense-ip-threat-letter-over-fuck-the-lapd-shirt/

But that's not the lawyer snark I'm writing about today. Dunford also sent a letter to IMG Worldwide, whose lawyers sent the initial threat, demanding an explanation for this outrageous threat, which was – as the physicists say – "not even wrong":

https://www.loweringthebar.net/2024/05/lol-no-explained.html

Every part of the legal threat is dissected here, with lavish, caustic footnotes, mercilessly picking apart the legal defects, including legally actionable copyfraud under DMCA 512(f), which provides for penalties for wrongful copyright threats. To my delight, Dunford cited Lenz here, which is the infamous "Dancing Baby" case that EFF successfully litigated on behalf of Stephanie Lenz, whose video of her adorable (then-)toddler dancing to a few seconds of Prince's "Let's Go Crazy" was censored by Universal Music Group:

https://www.eff.org/cases/lenz-v-universal

Dunford's towering rage is leavened with incredulous demands for explanations: how on Earth could a lawyer knowingly send such a defective, illegal threat? Why shouldn't Dunford seek recovery of his costs from IMG and its client, the LA Police Foundation, for such lawless bullying? It is a sparkling – incandescent, even! – piece of lawyerly writing. If only all legal correspondence was this entertaining! Every 1L should study this.

Meanwhile, Cola has sold out of everything, thanks to that viral "LOL, no." initial response letter. They're taking orders for their next resupply, shipping on June 1. Gotta love that Streisand Effect!

https://www.thecolacorporation.com/

I'm generally skeptical of political activism that takes the form of buying things or refusing to do so. "Voting with your wallet" is a pretty difficult trick to pull off. After all, the people with the thickest wallets get the most votes, and generally, the monopoly party wins. But as the Cola Company's example shows, there's times when shopping can be a political act.

But that's because it's a collective act. Lots of us went and bought stuff from Cola, to send a message to the LAPD about legal bullying. That kind of collective action is hard to pull off, especially when it comes to purchase-decisions. Often, this kind of thing descends into a kind of parody of political action, where you substitute shopping for ideology. This is where Matt Bors's Mr Gotcha comes in: "ooh, you want to make things better, but you bought a product from a tainted company, I guess you're not really sincere, gotcha!"

https://thenib.com/mister-gotcha/

There's a great example of this in Zephyr Teachout's brilliant 2020 book Break 'Em Up: if you miss the pro-union demonstration at the Amazon warehouse because you spent two hours driving around looking for an indie stationer to buy the cardboard to make your protest sign rather than buying it from Amazon, Amazon wins:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/29/break-em-up/#break-em-up

So yeah, I'm pretty skeptical of consumerism as a framework for political activism. It's very hard to pull off an effective boycott, especially of a monopolist. But if you can pull it off, well…

Canada is one of the most monopoly-friendly countries in the world. Hell, the Competition Act doesn't even have an "abuse of dominance" standard! That's like a criminal code that doesn't have a section prohibiting "murder." (The Trudeau government has promised to fix this.)

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/editorials/article-an-overhauled-competition-act-will-light-a-fire-in-the-stolid-world-of/

There's stiff competition for Most Guillotineable Canadian Billionaire. There's the entire Irving family, who basically own the province of New Bruinswick:

https://www.canadaland.com/podcast/dynasties-2-the-irvings/

There's Ted Rogers, the trumpy billionaire telecoms monopolist, whose serial acquire-and-loot approach to media has devastated Canadian TV and publishing:

https://www.canadaland.com/podcast/canadaland-725-the-rogers-family-compact/

But then there's Galen Fucking Weston, the nepobaby who inherited the family grocery business (including Loblaw), bought out all his competitors (including Shopper's Drug Mart), and then engaged in a criminal price-fixing conspiracy to rig the price of bread, the most Les-Miz-ass crime imaginable:

https://www.blogto.com/eat_drink/2023/06/what-should-happened-galen-weston-price-fixing/

Weston has made himself the face of the family business, appearing in TV ads in a cardigan to deliver dead-eyed avuncular paeans to his sprawling empire, even as he colludes with competitors to rig the price of his workers' wages:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-06-12/a-supermarket-billionaire-steps-into-trouble-over-pandemic-wages

For Canadians, Weston is the face of greedflation, the man whose nickle-and-diming knows no shame. This is the man who decided that the discount on nearly-spoiled produce would be slashed from 50% to 30%, who racked up record profits even as his prices skyrocketed.

It's impossible to overstate how loathed Galen Weston is at this moment. There's a very good episode of the excellent new podcast Lately, hosted by Canadian competition expert Vass Bednar and Katrina Onstad that gives you a sense of the national outrage:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/podcasts/lately/article-boycotting-the-loblawpoly/

All of this has led to a national boycott of Loblaw, kicked off by members of the r/loblawsisoutofcontrol, and it's working. Writing for Jacobin, Jeremy Appel gives us a snapshot of a nation in revolt:

https://jacobin.com/2024/05/loblaw-grocery-price-gouge-boycott/

Appel points out the boycott's problems – there's lots of places, particularly in the north, where Loblaw's is the only game in town, or where the sole competitor is the equally odious Walmart. But he also talks about the beneficial effect the boycott is having for independent grocers and co-ops who deal more fairly with their suppliers and their customers.

He also platforms the boycott's call for a national system of price controls on certain staples. This is something that neoliberal economists despise, and it's always fun to watch them lose their minds when the subject is raised. Meanwhile, economists like Isabella M Weber continue to publish careful research explaining how and why price controls can work, and represent our best weapon against "seller's inflation":

https://scholarworks.umass.edu/econ_workingpaper/343/

Antimonopoly sentiment is having a minute, obviously, and the news comes at you fast. This week, the DoJ filed a lawsuit to break up Ticketmaster/Live Nation, one of the country's most notorious monopolists, who have aroused the ire of every kind of fan, but especially the Swifties (don't fuck with Swifties). In announcing the suit, DoJ Antitrust Division boss Jonathan Kanter coined the term "Ticketmaster tax" to describe the junk fees that Ticketmaster uses to pick all our pockets.

In response, Ticketmaster has mobilized its own Loblaw-like shill army, who insist that all the anti-monopoly activism is misguided populism, and "anti-business." In his BIG newsletter, Matt Stoller tears these claims apart, and provides one of the clearest explanations of how Ticketmaster rips us all off that I've ever seen, leaning heavily on Ticketmaster's own statements to their investors and the business-press:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/antitrust-enforcers-to-break-up-ticketmaster

Ticketmaster has a complicated "flywheel" that it uses to corner the market on live events, mixing low-margin businesses that are deliberately kept unprofitable (to prevent competitors from gaining a foothold) in order to capture the high-margin businesses that are its real prize. All this complexity can make your eyes glaze over, and that's to Ticketmaster's benefit, keeping normies from looking too closely at how this bizarre self-licking ice-cream cone really works.

But for industry insiders, those workings are all too clear. When Rebecca Giblin and I were working on our book Chokepoint Capitalism, we talked to insiders from every corner of the entertainment-industrial complex, and there was always at least one expert who'd go on record about the scams inside everything from news monopolies to streaming video to publishing and the record industry:

https://chokepointcapitalism.com/

The sole exception was Ticketmaster/Live Nation. When we talked to club owners, promoters and other victims of TM's scam, they universally refused to go on the record. They were palpably terrified of retaliation from Ticketmaster's enforcers. They acted like mafia informants seeking witness protection. Not without reason, mind you: back when the TM monopoly was just getting started, Pearl Jam – then one of the most powerful acts in American music – took a stand against them. Ticketmaster destroyed them. That was when TM was a mere hatchling, with a bare fraction of the terrifying power it wields today.

TM is a great example of the problem with boycotts. If a club or an act refuses to work with TM/LN, they're destroyed. If a fan refuses to buy tickets from TM or see a Live Nation show, they basically can't go to any shows. The TM monopoly isn't a problem of bad individual choices – it's a systemic problem that needs a systemic response.

That's what makes antitrust responses so timely. Federal enforcers have wide-ranging powers, and can seek remedies that consumerism can never attain – there's no way a boycott could result in a breakup of Ticketmaster/Live Nation, but a DoJ lawsuit can absolutely get there.

Every federal agency has wide-ranging antimonopoly powers at its disposal. These are laid out very well in Tim Wu's 2020 White House Executive Order on competition, which identifies 72 ways the agencies can act against monopoly without having to wait for Congress:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/13/post-bork-era/#manne-down

But of course, the majority of antimonopoly power is vested in the FTC, the agency created to police corporate power. Section 5 of the FTC Act grants the agency the power to act to prevent "unfair and deceptive methods of competition":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

This clause has lain largely dormant since the Reagan era, but FTC chair Lina Khan has revived it, using it to create muscular privacy rights for Americans, and to ban noncompete agreements that bind American workers to dead-end jobs:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/25/capri-v-tapestry/#aiming-at-dollars-not-men

The FTC's power to ban activity because it's "unfair and deceptive" is exciting, because it promises American internet users a way to solve their problems beyond copyright law. Copyright law is basically the only law that survived the digital transition, even as privacy, labor and consumer protection rights went into hibernation. The last time Congress gave us a federal consumer privacy law was 1988, and it's a law that bans video store clerks from telling the newspapers which VHS cassettes you rented:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_Privacy_Protection_Act

That's left internet users desperately trying to contort copyright to solve every problem they have – like someone trying to build a house using nothing but chainsaw. For example, I once found someone impersonating me on a dating site, luring strangers into private spaces. Alarmed, I contacted the dating site, who told me that their only fix for this was for me to file a copyright claim against the impersonator to make them remove the profile photo. Now, that photo was Creative Commons licensed, so any takedown notice would have been a "LOL, no." grade act of copyfraud:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/21/the-internets-original-sin/

The unsuitability of copyright for solving complex labor and privacy problems hasn't stopped people who experience these problems from trying to use copyright to solve them. They've got nothing else, after all.

That's why everyone who's worried about the absolutely legitimate and urgent concerns over AI and labor and privacy has latched onto copyright as the best tool for resolving these questions, despite copyright's total unsuitability for this purpose, and the strong likelihood that this will make these problems worse:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/13/spooky-action-at-a-close-up/#invisible-hand

Enter FTC Chair Lina Khan, who has just announced that her agency will be reviewing AI model training as an "unfair and deceptive method of competition":

https://thehill.com/policy/technology/4682461-ftc-chair-ai-models-could-violate-antitrust-laws/

If the agency can establish this fact, they will have sweeping powers to craft rules prohibiting the destructive and unfair uses of AI, without endangering beneficial activities like scraping, mathematical analysis, and the creation of automated systems that help with everything from adding archival metadata to exonerating wrongly convicted people rotting in prison:

https://hrdag.org/tech-notes/large-language-models-IPNO.html

I love this so much. Khan's announcement accomplishes the seemingly impossible: affirming that there are real problems and insisting that we employ tactics that can actually fix those problems, rather than just doing something because inaction is so frustrating.

That's something we could use a lot more of, especially in platform regulation. The other big tech news about Big Tech last week was the progress of a bill that would repeal Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act at the end of 2025, without any plans to replace it with something else.

Section 230 is the most maligned, least understood internet law, and that's saying something:

https://www.techdirt.com/2020/06/23/hello-youve-been-referred-here-because-youre-wrong-about-section-230-communications-decency-act/

Its critics wrongly accuse the law – which makes internet users liable for bad speech acts, not the platforms that carry that speech – of being a gift to Big Tech. That's totally wrong. Without Section 230, platforms could be named to lawsuits arising from their users' actions. We know how that would play out.

Back in 2018, Congress took a big chunk out of 230 when they passed SESTA/FOSTA, a law that makes platforms liable for any sex trafficking that is facilitated by their platforms. Now, this may sound like a narrowly targeted, beneficial law that aims at a deplorable, unconscionable crime. But here's how it played out: the platforms decided that it was too much trouble to distinguish sex trafficking from any sex-work, including consensual sex work and adjacent activities. The result? Consensual sex-work became infinitely more dangerous and precarious, while trafficking was largely unaffected:

https://www.gao.gov/assets/gao-21-385.pdf

Eliminating 230 would be incredibly reckless under any circumstances, but after the SESTA/FOSTA experience, it's unforgivable. The Big Tech platforms will greet this development by indiscriminately wiping out any kind of controversial speech from marginalized groups (think #MeToo or Black Lives Matter). Meanwhile, the rich and powerful will get a new tool – far more powerful than copyfraud – to make inconvenient speech disappear. The war-criminals, rapists, murderers and rip-off artists who currently make do with bogus copyright claims to "manage their reputations" will be able to use pretextual legal threats to make their critics just disappear:

https://www.qurium.org/forensics/dark-ops-undercovered-episode-i-eliminalia/

In a post-230 world, Cola Corporation's lawyers wouldn't get a chance to reply to the LAPD's bullying lawyers – those lawyers would send their letter to Cola's hosting provider, who would weigh the possibility of being named in a lawsuit against the small-dollar monthly payment they get from Cola, and poof, no more Cola. The legal bullies could do the same for Cola's email provider, their payment processor, their anti-DoS provider.

This week on EFF's Deeplinks blog, I published a piece making the connection between abolishing Section 230 and reinforcing Big Tech monopolies:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/05/wanna-make-big-tech-monopolies-even-worse-kill-section-230

The Big Tech platforms really do suck, and the solution to their systemic, persistent moderation failures won't come from making them liable for users' speech. The platforms have correctly assessed that they alone have the legal and moderation staff to do the kinds of mass-deletions of controversial speech that could survive a post-230 world. That's why tech billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg love the idea of getting rid of 230:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/03/facebooks-pitch-congress-section-230-me-not-thee

But for small tech providers – individuals, co-ops, nonprofits and startups that host fediverse servers, standalone group chats and BBSes – a post-230 world is a mass-extinction event. Ever had a friend demand that you take sides in an interpersonal dispute ("if you invite her to the party, I'm not coming!").

Imagine if your refusal to take sides in a dispute among your friends – and their friends, and their friends – could result in you being named to a suit that could cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to settle:

https://www.engine.is/news/primer/section230costs

It's one thing to hope for a more humane internet run by people who want to make hospitable forums for online communities to form. It's another to ask them to take on an uninsurable risk that could result in the loss of their home, their retirement account, and their life's savings.

A post-230 world is one in which Big Tech must delete first and ask questions later. Yes, Big Tech platforms have many sins to answer for, but making them jointly liable for their users' speech will flush out treasure-hunters seeking a quick settlement and a quick buck.

Again, this isn't speculative – it's inevitable. Consider FTX: yes, the disgraced cryptocurrency exchange was a festering hive of fraud – but there's no way that fraud added up to the 23.6 quintillion dollars in claims that have been laid against it:

https://cdn.arstechnica.net/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/US-v-SBF-Alameda-Research-Victim-Impact-Statement-3-20-2024.pdf

Without 230, Big Tech will shut down anything controversial – and small tech will disappear. It's the worst of all possible worlds, a gift to tech monopolists and the bullies and crooks who have turned our online communities into shooting galleries.

One of the reasons I love working for EFF is our ability to propose technologically informed, sound policy solutions to the very real problems that tech creates, such as our work on interoperability as a way to make it easier for users to escape Big Tech:

https://www.eff.org/interoperablefacebook

Every year, EFF recognizes the best, bravest and brightest contributors to a better internet and a better technological future, with our annual EFF Awards. Nominations just opened for this year's awards – if you know someone who fits the bill, here's the form:

https://www.eff.org/nominations-open-2024-eff-awards

It's nearly time for me to sign off on this weekend's linkdump. For one thing, I have to vacate my backyard hammock, because we've got contractors who need to access the side of the house to install our brand new heat-pump (one of two things I'm purchasing with my last lump-sum book advance – the other is corrective cataract surgery that will give me lifelong, perfect vision).

I've been lusting after a heat-pump for years, and they just keep getting better – though you might not know it, thanks to the fossil-fuel industry disinfo campaign that insists that these unbelievably cool gadgets don't work. This week in Wired, Matt Simon offers a comprehensive debunking of this nonsense, and on the way, explains the nearly magical technology that allows a heat pump to heat a midwestern home in the dead of winter:

https://www.wired.com/story/myth-heat-pumps-cold-weather-freezing-subzero/

As heat pumps become more common, their applications will continue to proliferate. On Bloomberg, Feargus O'Sullivan describes one such application: the Japanese yokushitsu kansouki – a sealed bathroom with its own heat-pump that can perfectly dry all your clothes while you're out at work:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-05-22/laundry-lessons-from-japanese-bathroom-technology

This is amazing stuff – it uses less energy than a clothes-dryer, leaves your clothes wrinkle-free, prevents the rapid deterioration caused by high heat and mechanical agitation, and prevents the microfiber pollution that lowers our air-quality.

This is the most solarpunk thing I've read all week, and it makes me insanely jealous of Japanese people. The second-most solarpunk thing I've read this week came from The New Republic, where Aaron Regunberg and Donald Braman discuss the possibility of using civil asset forfeiture laws – lately expanded to farcical levels by the Supreme Court in Culley – to force the fossil fuel industry to pay for the energy transition:

https://newrepublic.com/article/181721/fossil-fuels-civil-forefeiture-pipeline-climate

They point out that the fossil fuel industry has committed a string of undisputed crimes, including fraud, and that the Supremes' new standard for asset forfeiture could comfortably accommodate state AGs and other enforcers who seek billions from Big Oil on this basis. Of course, Big Oil has more resources to fight civil asset forfeiture than the median disputant in these cases ("a low- or moderate-income person of color [with] a suspected connection to drugs"). But it's an exciting idea!

All right, the heat-pump guys really need me to vacate the hammock, so here's one last quickie for you: Barath Raghavan and Bruce Schneier's new paper, "Seeing Like a Data Structure":

https://www.belfercenter.org/publication/seeing-data-structure

This is a masterful riff on James C Scott's classic Seeing Like a State, and it describes how digitalization forces us into computable categories, and counts the real costs of doing so. It's a gnarly and thoughtful piece, and it's been on my mind continuously since Schneier sent it to me yesterday. Something suitably chewy for you to masticate over the long weekend!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/25/anthology/#lol-no

[hyperfixated-clown]

M/c hears Ominis grunting and moaning slightly by lifting something for someone and it makes them slightly turned on. Ominis notices you breathing a little heavy and asks you what's wrong.

OMG I love this, anything where Ominis is vocal is my *chef's kiss* favorite. I hope you don't mind that I wrote it as a female MC, you didn't specify and that's just my go to. This doesn't get too spicy but I hope you enjoy!

Sexual Themes - Minors do not interact

"Thank you Ominis, just one more." You could hear Amit say in the library that afternoon.

You looked up from your parchment and saw Amit struggling on one of the ladders to the higher bookshelves, Ominis down below, passing him books. Your eyes lingered on Ominis, the ever tall and perfectly groomed Slytherin boy, who had been the secret object of your desires lately. Even though you were close friends with both him and Sebastian, you kept it at that, but you supposed your little crush started in History of Magic class. It was the only class you had alone with Ominis. Professor Binns was droning on about his ever so popular goblin rebellion topic and you could feel your eyelids getting heavier by the minute, that's when you felt something warm bump into your side which startled you and the person it belonged to back to reality, it was Ominis, who usually fell asleep in this class. He was jolted awake so fast that he latched onto your thigh accidentally to steady himself. It sent a shiver up your body at how his large hand gripped you roughly and your mind immediately flooded with lewd images.

Back in reality, you hear Amit again, "Be careful with that last one Gaunt, 'Theory of Space and Gravity', it's uhh very heavy."

"And I suppose we can't just use 'Levioso'?" Ominis quipped. His usual snark, ever present.

"Madame Scribner's rules; doesn't want books being flown around again, she says it messed up her whole organization process."

"Very well, just a moment." he reached down, feeling for the old leatherbound book and...heaved. Your eyes shot open as Ominis grunted as he struggled. Suddenly something akin to a lightning bolt was traveling from your brain straight down to the area between your legs, igniting something in you.

"D-do you need assistance?" Amit nervously asked.

"N-No ugghhh," he moaned out and you believe your panties just flooded. "Nearly got it."

You could feel your face heat up as Ominis wiped his brow that dripped with sweat after finally handing the book up to Amit, who nearly fell off the ladder. Then he made his way over to your table and you internally screamed.

"Ah, hello Y/N. Getting some homework done?"

You were thankful he couldn't see your face as you were sure it was beet red at that point. You managed to choke out an "Mmhmm", but your breathing was definitely ragged.

"Is something the matter?" Taking a step closer and you were sure your heart might explode. "Your breathing, it's heavy. Are you feeling well?" He brought a hand up to feel your forehead and you nearly shot out of your seat.

"Y-yes! I'm fine, sorry, I uhh have to uhh head back to the common room!" You tried to book it but he grabbed your arm to stop you before you could.

"Well, you feel warm. Please, allow me to walk you back." He offered. Of course, always a gentleman. "We wouldn't want your fever to get worse."

"Well, if it isn't my trusted companions!" A beaming, freckled face came into view, it was Sebastian Sallow.

"Ah, Sebastian, we were just heading back to the common room, Y/N here, isn't feeling very well." Ominis explained. "A fever, I believe."

Sebastian looked her over and could see her blushing face and the way her thighs were practically clamped together and chuckled. "A fever eh? Ominis...I'll let it slide because you can't see her but -" you were furiously shaking your head at him, 'No!'

"Ok, ok...relax" Sebastian put his hands up, still grinning. Ominis looked confused, you internally sighed and started making your way towards the library exit. What you didn't catch was Sebastian whispering in Ominis' ear and you only whipped back around when you heard him gasp.

"Y/N are you...aroused?!?" a blush creeping across his face, and at that you took off and you didn't think your fully upgraded broom from Spintwitches could fly faster.

[bthwrlds]

bright blues roll into the back of her head, arms crossing beneath petite bosom as she then allows brief glance to be afforded the freshly - made corpse. a huff as she snaps her fingers. sound echoes as air sings with the creature's magic. the witch had become much more in the catapulting of her music career. she now teeters somewhere between siren and bloodthirsty nosferatu. it's her dirty little secret, one shrouded and swiftly hidden at every turn. it's even more safeguarded than the very truth behind hannah montana. " dang flabbit, alex! you know i ain't calm! " attention diverted to the rug which spontaneously appeared beneath the body. it's quickly yet awkwardly rolled within the rough fabric. " and that's debatable, when have you been an example of self control? " it's a loosely thrown, half-hearted insult. tongue pushes past lips, regret stinging in her warming cheeks. " look, this ain't my first rodeo, alright? "

@bthwrlds

A roll of her eyes as she looks over at the brunette. Did she always have to get in the way? "Miley, are you serious, I had it under control, now we have a bigger mess to clean up. Don't you think you could... calm down every once in a while?" To say Alex was annoyed was an understatement. Stepping over the body that was on the floor. "No, actually, you caused this mayhem, you can deal with it." She barely clean up her own messes, why would she help with someone else's?

[abyssmal-skies]

Dain drabble lmaooo post 4.7 and ebg, also Abyss Prince!Aether in this one yall

they/them pronouns are used here, dain pov

He tossed and turned in his slumber, wincing as his injuries were pressed on,

His fight with Aether had left him more than injured this time, the hesitation he displayed playing a part in giving the prince an opening. So here he was, wrapped in bandages and ointments, clinging onto the one source of comfort he had, 

He had no right to do this, he knew as much appearing at their doorstep in the dead of night injured and weak. It felt like taking advantage of their kindness, even if he knew that they would let him time and time again.

The last argument was the worst they'd ever had, fueled by worry on both sides and instead of resolving this like the mature adult that he was, he did what his emotions told him, he left, giving them a kiss as they slept before disappearing into the night.

Screams echoed into the night, blades and magic clashing as he fought only to end up repeating it, over and over like a cycle, 

Fight, return, leave, fight, return, leave, fight, return, leave,

And yet here he was, repeating this cycle and leaving them hurt over and over again. All while wallowing in his own thoughts, trapped in his own dreams… haunted by a familiar figure.

“You know, when I saw what your future would be, I never imagined this.” his brother snarked, appearing in his dreams like an unwanted pest.

“What are you doing here?” He hissed, hands twitching for a sword he knew was nowhere in this dream, eyes sharp looking forwards towards the person he had spent years looking up to, and centuries despising.

The smirk never left Vedrfolnir's face, eerie purple crystals swirling around him as little shards of what has happened, what will happen and what is happening surrounded his form,

“Poor soul really, an artist, a chef, an adventurer, they could've lived a normal life had you not entered their life.” His brother continued on, taking a shard and placing it up to his eye.

“So many possibilities, and yet wherever you're involved, it ends up in misfortune for them.”

“Look at them here in this crystal, married, happy and safe.” A dark laugh, “but here they are in this one, stuck tending, waiting for you to return.”

“Stop it..” 

“Ah, here, growing old, surrounded by family and friends, a life well lived, but without you.” 

He tries to lunge at him, finding himself restrained in his own dreams,

“Or this one, following you into an Abyss Order hideout, dead, because you were too busy fighting the prince rather than paying attention.”

“And they stay there as you rush after the prince, forgotten and left to rot.”

“Shut your mouth-” 

Abyssal fog covers his vision, as he makes out the echos of his brother's voice.

“...best thing you can do for them is to leave you know, i say this as your brother.” 

He wakes with a startle, pain shooting through his limbs as the sun bears down through the open curtains.

They aren't there beside him, their spot cold and blanket tussled, his hear hammers in his throat, fear gripping his every breath as every moment without their presence ticks by,

Only after the smell of breakfast comes through the door does the pounding in his heart settle, they haven't left him, they're safe.

He gingerly leaves the bed, opening the door to see their form setting the table for breakfast, hoping that this is the one outcome where his involvement in their life leads to happiness.

---

4.7 gave me so much to work with regarding this man smh,

imagine your brother talking to you after centuries just to say ur gf can do better???

[cosmiccdivinityy]

The way I was obsessed with enemies to lovers/rivals to lovers as a kid 😭😭😭 my top pairings growing up ranked. Canon/Fanon included.

Can you tell I’ve been on a nostalgic rewatch.

1. Logan/Quinn from Zoey 101. The OG teenbop enemies to lovers omg I stan. When they pronounced their love for each other at the season finale at the prom, screaming crying throwing up. The way they get together is so random lmao he calls her hot and they kiss then Michael rides by on a horse like what? But the pay off and ending was so *chefs kiss*

2. Courtney/Duncan from TDI. They were everything to me and Cartoon Network ruined it. First season the bantering, the flirting. When I tell you I was hooked. The scream I scrumpt when they finally kissed (also me didn’t she just throw up but whatever I guess) then she left and it was all downhill from there.

3. Rose/Jake from ADJL. The Romeo and Juliet of this paring needs to be studied. They were so down bad for each other. When Jake found out she was huntsgirl then when she found out. Their first kiss being right before she had to ‘kill’ him for sport in an arena. Her giving up her life to keep him and his family safe, him giving up her to keep her safe. 😭😭😭 they don’t make em like they used too

4. Draco/Harry from HP. The ship that started it all. Before this I’d never read a slash fic before is it even still called that. Anyways this right here is my longest going ship I’m still into only reason it’s not higher is that I love the other ones more. You get so many variations of this, from the super toxic fic, to the I’ve always secretly loved you, to the meet up after the war is over and so on and so forth. Ugh I love it. There’s like 50,000 fics of them on a03 and I know I’ve read like half at least 🤣

5. Zuko/Katara from Avatar. My second non canon ship on here. When I tell you I was obsessed with them. Sigh then I discovered other fandoms and by the time I came back to them I was just done. Which I think comes fromm just not being as much of a Zuko fan anymore. This ship was gold, tho, I mean come on I’ll save you from the pirates how can I not. The way he jumped in front of her (obviously he’d do the same for everyone but like listen it ate down bad) the whole crystal caverns episode was fuel to the fire, the writers/creators knew what they were doing

6. Jake/Miley from Hannah Montana. Another OG omg she hated him so much. The flirty the snark then they had to kiss and both of em were like oh hot damn. They were so cute together and I will forever hate Disney for making her choose Jake just for him to cheat on her like what was the reason. What was the reason 😭😭

7. Alejandro/Heather from TDI. Woo child buckle up. This is one of those slowburns cause it’s not until like a quarter in to the season you’re like hold up. Are they going where I think they’re going and then they did. I don’t like the ending cause seriously wtf was the point. But the lead up and bruh the stuck in a hole song I still sing that on a daily. They were literally made for each other.

8. Chad/Sonny from Sonny with a Chance: one thing about Disney they ate down when it comes to enemies to lovers, or annoyance to like, whatever you wanna call it. Chad Dylan Cooper and Sonny omg the drama was beautiful, they hated each other so much and when they started dating I bout passed out. Lol they were so hilarious together I miss it.

9. Raven/Beastboy from TT. This and next two aren’t super enemies to lovers, more live annoyances or belligerent sexual tension. But I really was obsessed with this, like I was the girl reading Terra bashing fics 😭😭 they were so cute, the Beast Within was ship gold, Nevermore, the fact that she holds onto to the penny he gives her when she ‘dies’ and oh he only turns into the Beast again to protect her from Slade and never again. Beautiful

10. Jimmy/Cindy from JN. They may have only been nine but sheesh the rivalry to lovers or in this case crushes was intense. Cindy was down bad since day one but she hid that shit so well. The Valentine’s Day episode still makes me giggle like a kid. And the last episode where they’re legit just straight up flirting with each other I can not. When she almost confesses when he’s the orange hulk. So cute.

Honarary mentions:

Jinx/Kid Flash from TT. They were cute but I hated it solely for the fact that it shoulda been me 😭😭🤧🤧

Sam/Freddie from icarly. Ok so I used to love this one and as I got older, Sam was just so fucking mean that I couldn’t ship like damn. At some point it’s not cute anymore, it’s just down right abusive, early seasons yes, later seasons where they’re actually together no.

Bakugo/Deku simply cause some days I think it’s cute other days I hate it

Mindy and Josh from Drake and Josh. Cute and amusing but didn’t care for em much.

Bailey and Code from Suite Life on Deck see above.

[lemonandpie]

Steter for the ask meme pls??? 👀

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when I started shipping it if I did: the fucking field scene. Stiles on his knees while Peter has blood all over his chin. Peter making him stand via an actual claw under his chin (especially now we know that's how wolves control minds so that was even more of a threat). Even the lighting went off. Absolutely flawless.

my thoughts: Chef's kiss. Peter spending the whole show like Stiles is the bitch he fumbled (at least he's aware). Snark to snark combat. Morals we don't know her. Stiles should have been riding that seven days a week.

What makes me happy about them: TW really said we only have Dylan O'Brien for three episodes this season... let's make one episode that is just Stiles and Peter figuring out how to rescue themselves

What makes me sad about them: why be sad Steter is the most consistent relationship in Teen Wolf

things done in fanfic that annoys me: honestly can't think of anything. Tropes that annoy me in Teen Wolf fic (or the show) very rarely make it into Steter fic. The entire fandom is on fire and we're just in a happy little bubble

things I look for in fanfic: not a requirement, but I'm always delighted to find a fic that manages to make them funny. I'm also always in need of more fic where Peter is cheerleading Stiles' more murderous tendencies

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: All I've seen of the movie is Chris and Peter, so in my mind that's just canon now. I'm also pro Stydia. Maybe some friends with benefits with Kira. And Stiles Lydia and Parrish totally get together when they're back in town. All of these would be fine with partner swapping (you will pry college Stydia having threesomes with every guy they like out of my cold dead hands).

My happily ever after for them: Peter helping Stiles with the nogitsune trauma and then being his rich morally dubious sugar daddy while Stiles runs a paranormal private detective agency

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Stiles canonically is the little spoon. But I'm sure they switch

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: testing who is smartest it's Stiles

[thelivingautomaton]

so lately i've been curing my brainrot by listening to audiobooks while i crochet, the result being that i have gotten really, really into the wheel of time (which i've previously bounced off of like, 3 separate times) and also been tweeting about it. anyway i have finished the first book and simply must scream into the void about it

jesus, okay, where do i even begin. let's talk about characters

so i KNEW that mat was gonna be The Character Of All Time going right in, i am self-aware enough about what kinds of blorbos i enjoy (read: cocky roguish guy who is actually a sopping wet cat of a man and uses snark to obscure deep-seated angst and/or doubt in himself, his identity, and his goodness). and i do have an affection for mat at this point

although ngl it kind of totally went over my head when i last tried to read these books that he is also? kind of a dick this early on? though to be fair he was having his soul eaten by an evil dagger for like, two-thirds of the book

that being said. what i did NOT expect was for the dark horse surprise contenders for Character Of All Time to be nynaeve and rand

nynaeve is literally the funniest, pettiest bitch ever and i love her SO MUCH. literally what if you were a preternaturally gifted healer and given a position of authority at a very young age so you had a complex about it, but that complex manifests itself as a bullheaded stubborn drive to Take Care Of Your People, and you are ready to throw hands with every magic lady Jedi on the way because you are fueled by Pure Unadulterated Spite at all times

every time she'd try to start a catty slap fight with moiraine and moiraine would just, like, sip her tea unbothered? now THAT'S comedy

sidenote, dear lord do these characters drink a lot of tea. do they have coffee in this nebula. do they have new world crops. i feel like someone must have mentioned potatoes. where was i

oh my god, rand. RAND. literally WHAT IF you were a farmboy from the ass-end of nowhere and you get pulled into this fantastical adventure like a hero from legend, but you spend 700 pages having all of your assumptions about the world and yourself systemically questioned and tested and broken down. and the whole time you're holding onto the hope of going home and going back to the way things were, until you experience the crushing weight of the Hero's Journey and the fact that you can never really go home (read: go back to the simple life and the way things used to be) ever again

EXCEPT!!! THAT THERE IS ALSO WONDER AND EXCITEMENT AND CURIOSITY TOO!!! like, obviously i loved all the times that rand and the other farm kids are agog seeing different parts of the world (especially the cities -- dude, i LOVE the setup for caemlyn) but literally one of my favorite scenes was when rand is on the spray sitting at the top of the mast and he just starts laughing aloud for the freedom and joy of it all. the journey will be long and terrible and arduous but it's so important to show that there are bright moments on the way too. i'm going to puke

also there's a few moments between rand and the dark one (ba'alzamon? bro idk how anything is spelled) that were so *chef's kiss*, like rand telling him "i belong to myself" or in their big fight when he screams that he'll never be a hound for the dark one. more generally i love the emphasis placed on the importance and power of people taking a stand, even if they know it's futile. ESPECIALLY if they know it's futile. (there was this line from moiraine like "the wheel weaves as the wheel wills, but i refuse to believe it weaves an end to all hope". waugh)

also i know the reveal that rand can channel was telegraphed from a mile away but i ain't even mad about it because i feel like the setup was done so nicely. you get a scene of moiraine explaining to nynaeve about how channeling feels the first time you do it (i.e. you have the greatest need you've ever known, then a week later your body has a delayed reaction that feels like a weird flu), you get rand and mat escaping whitebridge via improbable lightning strikes, then you get rand coming down with a weird flu. like, idk, i like it when creators set up dominoes and i as a reader can SEE the dominoes getting set up and i get to go like, hoohoohoo, can't wait for those to get knocked down!

unsurprisingly since rand and nynaeve are my two favs i also am enamored with their dynamic. maybe it's because you're in rand's head the most in this book, and so it's the closest you as a reader are to seeing a straightforward platonic relationship between a male and female character? but okay like, listen. nynaeve is the FIRST PERSON (maybe the only person rn??) rand shares his fears with re: tam not being his dad and him not knowing who he is. and nynaeve immediately reassures him that it doesn't matter, she saw tam and kari with him and she KNOWS they loved him like any father and mother

or like, the scene when rand overhears lan and nynaeve having their whole Dramatic Star-Crossed Romance (which is like, cool, but also, can't wait for lan to get over his TTRPG Tragic Backstory [affectionate] and kiss her already), and the chapter ends with a line like "Rand closed his eyes. He did not think the Wisdom would like it if he saw her cry." good GOD!

how old are these kids supposed to be anyway. like i know nynaeve is older by a few years and she's...24? so are the rest 18-20ish? oh my god you guys, they're KIDS

i'm sure i will have more thoughts about the other characters as these books progress and shit continues to pop off and Get Funky (especially relevant vis a vis perrin going full wolf mode and egwene learning how to be an aes sedai). also i love how often it's repeated that people from the two rivers are The Most Stubborn People Alive, and how rand holds onto that as part of his identity (re: envisioning hardy two rivers soil)

now let us talk about the world because OH MY GOD

one of the things that definitely stuck with me was the secret hidden lore re: "this is actually post-post-post apocalyptic earth", cf. thom telling stories about "lenn flying to the skies in an eagle made of fire" and "salya walking among the stars", because it is so fucking insane as a concept and jordan does it REALLY WELL, in the sense that any references to "our" earth are so oblique and indirect that they're barely comprehensible, which is as it should be if these books take place a whole two ages later

but it's also such a perfect excuse/reason to deliberately echo and make homage to myths and stories that we as readers are familiar with, the most obvious being the legend of artur hawkwing (and also half of our main cast having arthurian-esque names). something something george lucas saying that it's like poetry, it rhymes

the part that really dropped me flat on my ass though was when perrin and egwene and elyas are leaving the tinkers and elyas LITERALLY recites anglican catechism at them ("as it once was, so shall it ever be, world without end"), reader i screamed

that being said. i do kind of wish there was more Weird Religion Bullshit. i mean it makes sense that the cosmology and people's theological beliefs are pretty universal (given that it's a Canonical Big Deal Historical Event that the embodiment of evil punched a hole in reality and made magic evil and fucked up for men forever), but like. where is the variety! where is the spice! where are the religious freaks! give me religious freaks!!!

however this is ameliorated by the fantastic variety in cultures/societies/stories, and also the overarching theme of "the world has moved on from what it once was". like, everything with loial (also strong contender for Supporting Character Of All Time) talking about the groves and how different the world is from what he'd read about in the stedding! the entire scene with the green man (which still makes me feel completely fucking insane, just btw)! perrin and egwene at the ruined statue of artur hawkwing! moiraine telling the people of emond's field about manetheren! WHEWWWWWWWWWW

like, it really does give you this sense of history and loss. but also i hope that as the books go on it gets more into, like, "okay, the world has moved on and nothing will ever be as it once was. so what are we going to do with the world we have? how are we going to keep it safe and let it grow?"

sidenote: the tragedy of listening to the audiobooks is that i can't flip back to look at the map or the glossary if i start getting a little lost 😭 help i just want to get everything Right in my head

i also feel like jordan does a fantastic job of like...getting the reader further and further into the more fantastical or impactful elements of the world step by careful step and pacing out how he escalates the characters' importance to the world. does this make any sense.

like, baerlon -> whitebridge -> caemlyn is a steady stepwise escalation in Experiencing A City. and the one-two-three combo of loial explaining ta'veren to rand + rand overhearing a farmer gossip about queen morgase and her family + the repeated references to seeing the false dragon in caemlyn all leads perfectly into rand falling into the garden and the entire chapter with elayne and gawyn and morgase. (side note: this chapter was fucking incredible, good god i am obsessed with royal political bullshit.) OR having all these moments of the characters with moiraine to establish her nature, then providing an immediate contrast with the introduction of elaida as the "other" aes sedai. DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL. it's dominoes, baby

okay i have a few other miscellaneous thoughts

i fucking love how unapologetically trope-y these books are. it is so crunchy. not just vis a vis the hero's journey, but also, like, all the repeated motifs? spooky symbolic dream sequences? excerpts from in-universe writings and poetry? Foreshadowing Via Fortune-Telling? chef's kiss

also, dude, i love that robert jordan really dropped all of the fucking symbols for the next who knows how many books into three paragraphs via min. he knew the girlies would go crazy for this. AND HE WAS RIGHT

same goes for the whole concept of ta'veren, like i know on the surface it's kind of a goofy concept that you are Assigned Main Character At Birth by the wheel/the pattern, but also like. this man knew people on tumblr would be obsessing over characters doomed/haunted by narratives 30 years after these books were published. his third eye was OPEN

in a bizarre way so much of the story elements and pacing feels like a d&d campaign. mat is the rogue who picks up stuff he really shouldn't. perrin is a barbarian that accidentally took a level in druid. lan is the dm's npc blorbo with the intricately detailed tragic backstory that gets dumped on the players all at once (this is affectionate i swear). do you see what i'm saying

hi i love these books a lot already and i can't wait for them to get even more insane. thanks 4 ur time

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Stealth Strike"

In which, Character Development! and other exciting features.

I mentioned the husband loves Star Wars ships right? This is another one of his favorite episodes, he loooves the Interdictor class.

Always liked this little musical flare at the beginning, already conveys a sense of urgency and danger.

Sato sounds so aggrieved that he has to have Ezra along, lol.

I mean from his perspective Ezra's just an overconfident plucky kid, he hasn't been around Ezra long enough to know how competent the boy is.

Love the staggered Force Theme prelude in the strings there, all broken up and disjointed. Once again Ezra is sensing impending danger.

Still adore the kaleidoscope color effect Rebels uses to mark being forcibly ejected/yanked from hyperspace.

Bbbyyyyyyyy. :((((

Worried Spacefamily be worried.

Hera wisely understands that the best way to infiltrate a top-secret Imperial project is to keep the aliens off the mission lol.

Kanan is being predictably petty about having to work with Rex.

"I sent Ezra... this is the only way." Ouch. I bet Hera is feeling pretty guilty and has thought a lot about this since they learned about it, so you know she's run it through a million times in her head. Probably why Kanan acquiesces to her judgment.

I wanna know the thought process behind the Imps' decision to haul Ezra and Sato in to see Titus. Like, Sato I get, he's the obvious commander of the unit but I wanna know which trooper saw Ezra and was like, "Hmm, he seems Plot Important, I better drag him along too."

Sato still very much Not Impressed with Ezra's posturing.

Hi Brom Titus!

It's hilarious that Ezra's sarcastically used "Jabba the Hutt" so often it's been logged as a known alias of his lololol.

The Giligan Cut between Rex complaining that he'd never wear Stormtrooper armor and Zeb bringing them unconscious troopers to steal the armor from. <3

"I thought it was the same one we used before." LOL. Okay, I gotta stop before I quote every line in this episode.

Can't help it, it's just so fun.

We cut to the shuttle mid-hyperspace and Rex and Kanan are still bickering, but even in the middle of that we get some lovely worried Papa Wolf Kanan hyperfocusing on Ezra as his priority.

I swear it was explained somewhere what the specific codes Rex gives meant but I can't for the life of me remember where now. Pretty sure one of them meant the shuttle was going to explode? Anyway...

Rex seems like he's having just a grand old time. This must feel just like the old days for him.

Lol Kallus getting excited about Ezra's capture and warning Titus "[...]do not underestimate that boy." He knows firsthand how much of a threat and nuisance Ezra can be.

A little variation on the Death Star theme here, kind of appropriate given this is a very similar-feeling kind of infiltration and rescue.

Maybe that's why I like this episode so much, has a lot of A New Hope vibes.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: Chopper's legs jerking as he rolls over the hump in the doorway.

The ANH vibes continue with this turbolift scene, which is just hilarious. From Rex not knowing which button to push to the Imperial officer snarking at our hero duo, it's just... *chef's kiss*

They are a disaster pair and I just love them.

Cut to the troopers that are escorting Ezra to his "secure cell" and I'm sorry, I adore this whole sequence. Ezra being a little hyper-competent badass is my whole jam, okay?

This is so clever. <3333

Ezra makes very short work of his guards, without really hurting them (something that would contrast in S3 after the whole Malachor Loss-Of-Innocence thing) and then immediately shoots his intended rescue party lololol.

I love how smoothly he moves through this whole scene. He's obviously been practicing and of course the Force operates on a principal of "the more at peace and in tune you are with yourself, the greater strength you can channel" so after his whole soul-searching in "Brothers of the Broken Horn" deal he's come to some kind of serenity within himself that lets him be just super awesome here. Love it.

<333333

Chopper immediately rats Ezra out lol.

Kanan reluctant to split up from Ezra, aww.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The way Ezra raises his hands in aggravation when Kanan and Rex get into it again.

Ezra finally chews the two of them out for all their bickering and takes charge of the mission and you can't even tell me he didn't make Kanan just a smidge proud, with that comment about how, "He takes after Hera sometimes." <3333

No but seriously, fandom of course loves Kanan and Ezra's whole "like my father before me" vibe but let's not forget how it was Hera who first took a shine to him, who saw potential in him, who knew that he wasn't as selfish as he pretended he was, drew out that inner spark of compulsive compassion planted by his parents and has been influencing him on the Rebellion side of things to complement Kanan's Jedi teaching.

Found Family liek woah. :)

Brom Titus looking a little less confident now that the scrawny fifteen-year-old he was specifically cautioned not to underestimate has given them the slip lol.

*cries* He was so TINY!

Very glad Ezra learned binary, it enables hilarious conversations like this.

This is yet another music cue recycled from the Death Star sequence in A New Hope. Like I said, they're really leaning into that this episode.

This little troll I love him so much.

Bit of the "Shenanigans" theme as Chopper rolls up.

Can I just appreciate how well Ezra rolls with blocking shots in zero gravity?

I think Chopper enjoyed all of this a too much lol.

Remember, giving people grief is how Chopper shows affection. :)

Love how they lampshade the terrible vision quality of Stormtrooper helmets.

Sato all ready to square up with this random trooper until he sees it's Kanan.

And his anxious worry over Ezra's welfare is really sweet. Sato does care, he might find Ezra bit aggravating but he's still just a kid in Sato's eyes, someone who was under his protection. (One wonders if Ezra reminds him of Mart a bit.) It's not Sato's fault he's only now learning what a precocious badass Ezra is lol.

This move of Kanan and Rex's is slick.

Lightsaber Naruto run.

I've been told this horn cue is Rex's theme. Makes sense.

Heeeeey remember what I said about Rex's deathseeker tendencies? Yeah.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The drifting smoke in the hallway from the firefight holy cow. Attention to detail.

"I serve the order you put into place, Captain." Ohhhhhh Imma dent his face in.

*hurts in Order 66 feels*

THEY WERE JUST TOOLS TO PALPATINE, THEY HAD A SINGLE PURPOSE AND HE JUST DISCARDED THEM ONCE IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED.

This Hitchcock Zoom with Kanan as if he's sensing Rex's pain. <33333

Character growth! <33333

Ezra one-manning this hallway with Skill and Confidence. <33333

My gosh look how smooth and effortless this is for him. No wonder Sato was impressed.

Nice to see more classic lightsaber positions creeping into the choreography here.

Ezra being all, "OH HECK NO, THERE WILL BE NO SELF-SACRIFICING TODAY!" over the comms. He's very tired of them doing that lol.

The dolly shots this episode are tight.

Aww Ezra still looks really worried tho.

Don't think about him remembering, "I'll take the next one." and "I'll be right behind you."

Aaaaaaaand Chopper just scored the highest body count on the show, lol. (Up until the finale anyway with the Dome explosion and the purrgil-ening.)

My gosh this show even makes total destruction look pretty.

Yeah, getting a top-secret Interdictor prototype imploded is pretty demotion worthy ha ha.

Love how Kallus is basically perfectly fine assigning all of that chaos to Ezra in particular. XD

KANAN SALUTING REX NOT ONLY AS A SIGN OF FINALLY BURYING THE HATCHET BUT ALSO TAKING UP THE MANTLE OF SOLDIER HE WAS SO RELUCTANT TO AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON.

This is one of the best episodes of the season, no joke. It's fun, it brings the nostalgia without being kitschy, it lets Ezra and Sato have a little bit of nice interaction (underrated relationship, fanficers have let me down), it shows how Ezra's developing in combat, it finishes the whole Rex and Kanan animosity plot, and Chopper murders three whole Imperial cruisers effortlessly.

Love it.