#the slutty stories are just flying by!

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

....how are we already halfway through october?

[hyunjinx42]

“Slut.”

smut! read at your own risk! 

word count: 1.8k

warnings (lmk if I missed any): GN!reader x cocky!Felix, switch!reader x switch!Felix, LOLLAPALOOZA FELIX! , smut, oral (m rec.), erotic asphyxiation (nothing too intense), kink discovery, degradation, nipple play (barely), use of the word slut, cum eating, some fluff, the tiniest bit of angst? (felix mentions getting kinkshamed by his last partner), grinding, they’re whipped as hell for each other, this is my first time making warnings and I feel like I’m making this story sound like fifty shades of grey (it’s really not ((I promise)))

a/n: I was listening to hands up! (slowed) and faster n harder (ft. Tara Yummy) while writing this, and I can confirm that onstage, felix is a walking 6arelyhuman song. Also this is my first fanfiction I’ve ever written as well as the first smut, cause Lollapalooza Felix made us all horny and if you deny this you’re a liar.

Anyways, feedback is both welcomed and greatly appreciated, especially if you write skz smut or fanfiction in general on tumblr. I also edited the photos above myself, so any feedback on those is also helpful. 

In addition, this fanfic is my original writing, and any similarities with other stories are entirely coincidental. 

Hope you all enjoy~

♡╰── ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ──╯♡╰── ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ──╯♡

As soon as Felix got into his dressing room with you and shut the door, you dropped to your knees in front of him. He flushed, his abs right in front of your face, his vest still fully unbutton from his antics onstage, and your mouth level with the bulge in his pants. “Baby, what’s up?” He inquires slowly.

You clasp your hands together. 

“Lix, I need to give you the best blowjob of your fucking life. Right now,” you say firmly, as he leans against the door. He runs a hand through his hair, flustered at the sudden proposal. 

“Is this about the whole shirtless thing?”

You keen in response, reaching a hand up and running it over his muscled torso. “Of course it fucking is!” you whisper fiercely. “How could I just ignore that?!”

“I don’t know! I just didn’t expect-well, I mean, I like it, but-“

“Felix!”

“Yeah?” He murmurs lowly, a shiteating grin tugging at his gorgeous lips.

“Can I suck your cock or not?” you plead quietly, resting your chin on his pelvis. 

He breaks out into a full grin, his eyes flashing with amusement as every word you utter strokes his ego.

“Yes, please.”

You kiss his clothed erection, hooking your fingers on his sparkling, studded belt, watching his body react.

“Mmm…” Felix hums, his eyelids fluttering closed as he savors the sensation.

Your breath hitches as his abs flex, one of his pretty pink nipples on display. You quickly drag your eyes back down his body, quickly unbuttoning his belt and unzipping his jeans. 

He lifts his hips up for you, his plump bottom lip tucked under his teeth as you shuffle his jeans down his thighs. 

You lock eyes with him as you pull his boxers down, revealing his milky thighs and his pretty, thick cock. You giggle, wrapping your hand around it and licking the angry, flushed tip as if it were a lollipop, earning a pleased grunt.

“You like that?” You hum, before slipping the head of his cock into your mouth. 

His body immediately tenses, and his eyes fly shut.

“Fuck, that’s good,” he groans out huskily, his deep voice working wonders between your thighs. 

You moan teasingly around his dick, fluttering your lashes up at him as soon as he opens his eyes.

He raises an eyebrow, biting down on his lip again.

“Actin’ slutty tonight? I dig it.”

You pull off his dick, tightening your hand around his length, earning a loud moan of pleasure.

“Baby, they’ll hear us!” he chokes out frantically, cockiness diminished and replaced with embarrassment, his freckled cheeks glowing pink.

“I can’t believe you have the audacity to tell me that I’m acting slutty. And you’re trying to keep quiet?” you growl out, pumping his weeping cock. 

“Opening your vest? Pouring water on yourself? You knew exactly how fucking freaky you were acting. Everyone here already knows you’re a slut. I don’t know why you’re trying to hide it now.”

You slow your hand down to scan his face carefully, checking that your somewhat biting words didn’t offend him too badly. He looks down at you curiously, his chest rising and falling, cock throbbing in your hand. 

“Well, go on then. Let’s prove to everyone I’m the slut you say I am,” he says, ruffling your hair. 

You turn red. You knew you were pushing him, but you didn’t quite expect him to actually go along with it. He spoke with a confidence you weren’t familiar with, and it excited you.

You licked your lips, glancing from his expectant look down to the precum drooling from his slit. You looked up once more.  Normally, he’d be begging you to get him off at this point, but now he only raises an eyebrow, as if issuing a challenge. 

“Why don’t you fuck my face, then,” you mutter.

“Sorry?” he murmurs, tilting your chin up with a finger. 

“Look me in my eyes and tell me.”

You felt your cheeks burn with a combination of humiliation and arousal, and you press your thighs together quickly. You grab his wrist and pull his hand away from your chin.

“Fuck my face,” you repeat, placing his hand in your hair.

His eyes light up.

“With pleasure,” He whispers.

He threads his fingers through your hair, with surprising tenderness given how the two of you had been interacting for the past few minutes. 

“Open,” he grunts.

You comply, allowing him to slide his dick into your mouth. 

“Tap my thigh if you need me to stop,” he whispers.

You moan around him in response, eyes wide and sparkling in the dim light of the dressing room.

He slides his hips forward experimentally and you hum in approval, winking up at him.

“Cute,” he hisses, starting to speed up his thrusts, hips driving his cock in and out of your mouth. 

You relax, allowing him to pull you by your hair up and down the length of his dick, your eyes watering. Even as your vision clouds, you look up to see his abs flexed, his jaw tightened as he grits his teeth.

He reaches up, wrapping his own hand around his throat, filling you with shock. Where had this kinky, whorish side of him been hiding during your previous sexual encounters? 

You hollow your cheeks out as his hips piston into your mouth, earning a surprisingly high pitched squeal in response that could definitely be heard through the thin walls of the room.

Felix is oblivious, though, wrapped up in his own little world of pleasure. He cracks an eye open at you as he jerks your head up and down his dick, so roughly that saliva drips down your chin. He growls, managing to shove his hips forward even faster, his cock hitting the back of your throat, each thrust punctuated with an increasingly loud moan or grunt.

You blink furiously, trying not to gag too hard. You wanted more than anything to see how he would finish like this. 

He’s one step ahead of you, his cock throbbing, dangerously close to release. All of the sudden, he yanks you all the way down to his pelvis, cumming instantly in your mouth.

“Mmm-fuck,” he whimpers, one hand still threaded into your hair and the other remaining wrapped around his own throat, only tightly enough to slightly alter his breathing.

You place a hand on each of his muscular, pretty, pale thighs. He just seems to keep cumming, his libido soaring, and you swallow every last drop with filthy eagerness. You swore he tasted sweeter than ever before.

“You don’t have to swallow, baby,” he tells you incredulously.

You open your mouth in response, and sure enough, you’ve already swallowed his cum.

“You’re so good to me,” he giggles, pulling you to your feet and wrapping his hands around your waist.

“That was insane,” you whisper, tugging him by the vest into a kiss. 

He moans in delight as your lips capture his, still able to taste his own cum on your tongue. You part after a second, and he flashes a toothy grin, placing a finger on your swollen, pinked up lips.

“Was that slutty enough for you?” He asks mischievously.

“Mhm,” you hum, sucking the tip of his finger into your mouth. 

“Didn’t know that you had a kink for choking yourself,” you whisper, intrigued. “Since when was that a thing?”

He lets out a breathless, somewhat shy laugh, pulling your hips flush to his, his hardening cock pressed into your thigh. 

“Yeah, I can’t get myself off without doing it,” he admits, placing a kiss behind your ear. 

Your eyes shoot open in surprise. 

“But you’ve always came when we’ve fucked before this!”

His cheeks flush and he rubs a hand behind his head. “That’s cause you can get me hard by doing virtually nothing, let alone make me cum. I never needed to when we had sex.”

You grinned, leaning in and placing a kiss on his Adam’s apple. 

He tilts his head back for you.

“Why haven’t you done it before?” You ask quietly, lips moving against his skin. 

He pauses. “I guess I was afraid it was too freaky. My last partner told me that they thought it was really weird. I just didn’t want to scare you off.”

You leave a few kitten licks on his neck before tapping his chin. 

He leans his head upright, grey lensed eyes sparkling, his freckles highlighting his cheekbones.

“It was so. fucking. hot. Oh my god. Felix, I swear, I nearly came on the spot when I saw that. You looked like a porn star.”

“Really?” He smiles, his cheeks hot. 

“Why’d you choose to do it today?” you kiss his chin, rocking your hips into his. 

“I guess I was just more confident than usual. Lollapalooza kinda got me horny,” he explains, pressing a thigh between your legs and shrugging his vest off his gorgeous shoulders. 

“That’s cause you drove stay’s crazy with that vest stunt and you love the attention,” you scoff, rolling your hips to grind on his thigh. 

“I think it made me feel hot or something,” he teases, earning an eye roll. 

He runs a hand through his messy blonde hair, flashing a cocky smirk at you.

“I’m just that sexy.”

You pinch his nipple, and he bites down on his lip, his eyes rolling back with a groan of ecstasy. 

“Slut,” you purr, watching him squirm.

“Your slut,” Felix pants, pulling you into another messy kiss.

[stra-tek]

Big List of Universes in Star Trek:

Prime

Where most of Trek takes place. TOS, TNG, DS9, VOY, ENT, DSC, LWD, PRO, PIC, SNW etc. Gets a bit complicated in that the Temporal Wars from Enterprise have explicitly rewritten some events but for the most part it's all one enormous continuity. Just don't ask about the Eugenics Wars

Kelvin

Where the rebooted movies take place, essentially Prime until the day of Jim Kirk's birth, when a Romulan from the Prime future appears and begins wreaking havok, sending events on a familiar but different path with more running and explosions

Mirror

The morally inverted version of the Prime universe. Often the same people in the same place at the same time as Prime except under radically different circumstances. The Kelvin timeline has it's own mirror universe and the Coda books imply they're different sides of the same coin so perhaps every universe has it's mirror. Everyone dresses very slutty and all the women are at the very least bi. Almost as if it was written by men to appeal to teenage boys.

The First Splinter

Where the entire Star Trek novelverse takes place. Essentially Prime up until First Contact, although many events after that tie into ones hundreds of years before so it's all a bit complicated. Hundreds of stories exist here, as varied and amazing and sometimes awful as the TV shows and movies. Erased from history in 2387 but everyone you've loved and read about for years die horrible, horrible deaths first

Megas Tu

Accessed through a portal at the centre of our galaxy, a universe where magic is real and the source of many Earth myths and legends. Lucien is Satan but he's actually a pretty cool guy. Kirk and Spock learned to use magic there.

Parallels

300,000 universes converge, ranging from ones where Worf has a different painting in his quarters to him banging Troi to the Borg having conquered the Federation

Reverse

Black stars on a white void, ships fly backwards, at warp 36, the elderly grow young and live backwards and I'm afraid to ask how this reverse life ends

Second History

From the novel Killing Time. Super gay and angsty. Romulans alter history, leading to Spock being captain and Jim Kirk being a drug addict ensign on the V.S.S. ShiKahr

Renegades

A bootleg version of Star Trek in a fan film universe, altered on day two of filming after the Axanar drama began. It's Star Trek with the serial numbers just barely filed off. The Confederation instead of the Federation, Sector 6 instead of Section 31, Kovok instead of Tuvok, Jemison instead of Uhura, Rigillians instead of Romulans and so on. 2 novels were released which try to differentiate the universes more clearly, and the last Renegades film Ominara re-reboots the whole thing and features an Uhura-ish character and the Star Trek ish sets, but otherwise everything else is different.

Fascistverse

Created by Q to test Jean-Luc and friends in season 2 of Picard, this was along the lines of the Mirror universe but with a divergence point in 2024, if Trump wins the election if Picard's ancestor Renee goes into space or not.

Musical

A crossover with this universe in SNW "Subspace Rhapsody" leads to the quadrant singing uncontrollably, accompanied by music and with full choreography.

[cakerybakery]

A Shapeshifter Adam Au story

KeeKee sat on Adam’s back and licked his hair. It felt good and he transformed a little so he could purr for her.

Her little paws on his back weren’t bad. It was like getting a tiny massage from someone that didn’t know what they were doing.

“So, are you just going to let her groom you?” Lucifer asked from the floor as he’d been kicked off the couch when KeeKee came so Adam could lay down.

“Yes.”

“You know the cat isn’t your mom, right?”

“Fuck you. I’m taking her to bunch on Mother’s Day just because of that comment.”

Lucifer unpaused his game. “The worst part is that you wouldn’t even be the weirdest looking ones there. Oh the cat is your mother? Table for two then? Don’t mind the Venus fly trap, she’s waiting for her children, the slutty dog and paperclip.”

[dairy-farmer]

Had a dream where Clark "tricked" young 14 year old Tim into becoming his and Lois's "surrogate" by having Clark's baby since Loud had low rates of fertility, but they both clearly want a family. Tim happily agrees bc what an honor, right? So Clark starts to kiss him, but Tim is nervous bc doesn't surrogacy usually involve less... hands on methods? And Clark reassures him that he and Lois talked about it and figured this was the easiest and fastest way to get to their goal, so Tim easily agrees!

Turns out he isn't their "surrogate" from anyone else's POV, Clark confronts Lois after they confirm Tim is pregnant and spins a sob story about this poor kid who is looking for a family to take in their baby, and she agrees to adopt Tim's baby, with no idea that Clark is the one who knocked Tim up to begin with

An extra detail in my dream was that Tim lied to Clark also, telling him he was a virgin and had never had sex, just a lot of fooling around with other boys. In reality, not only was Tim far from a virgin, but this wasn't even his first pregnancy! He had this whole story for Clark later in the dream when he confessed to his lie, about how he got caught sucking off the PE teacher at school and the headmaster contacted Tim's dad and begged him not to sue. Jack Drake was livid and pulled Tim from school for a few months, but not to protect him, oh no, he had a specific punishment in mind for his slutty little boy

He fucked Tim hard for weeks following this incident, always cumming deep inside of him, telling Tim that he needs to keep his slutty pussy fucked full before some random person stakes their claim first! So he knocks Tim up and sends him back to school, where he gives blanket permission to staff and teachers that Tim is free reign throughout his pregnancy

When Clark confronted Tim about being his "surrogate", Tim was about five months post-partum and had his "little brother" waiting for him at home

Clark found it deliriously hot that Tim was already a slutty teen mom, and so when the baby is born, four weeks later Clark is /begging/ for Tim to please let him knock him up again, no one will be surprised, given how loose Tim is! Tim caves and opens his legs, knowing now that he isn't Clark's surrogate, but just his whore baby maker, but he kind of loves it. Lois is skeptical at first when Clark's comes to her with news that the troubled teen they were helping by adopting his baby was already pregnant again and asked if Clark would take this baby, too, to keep them together. She agreed, and Clark was ecstatic!

He explained to her that he would take the baby to go and visit their bio mom often while Lois worked, to keep the teen busy and help take care of him since he was alone so often. Lois thought nothing of it and so had no idea Clark was flying over to Drake Manor to fuck Tim on every surface of his house while Clark's baby slept and Tim's brother/son played in his playpen

That was basically it but the dream implied that Clark and Tim continued fucking and making babies together and no one was ever the wiser except for Jack Drake, who Tim explained things too. It's only bc of his intervention that Tim and Clark weren't caught tho, bc he knocked Tim up three times after Clark's second baby was born, preventing them from running to Lois with more and more sob stories about this poor delinquent teen

clarktim

clark asking tim to be his surrogate while making everyone else think that clark is just this noble, good hearted man whose helping out a poor, slutty little teenager who got themselves knocked up, acting as if HE wasn't the one who knocked tim up!

the way he convinces his wife to adopt the babies he fathered, has her agree to help raise the babies he made! its so delightfully scummy and perfect!!❤️❤️❤️

[malk1ns]

Geno having slutty summer antics and Sid wanting to hear about them but also getting jealous/possessive? or talking about sex in a bro way that leads to 🔥🔥🔥

Sid really, really should not be doing this.

The negotiations between the owners and the PA are tenuous enough after the last mediator got canned. Sid's not even a union rep, not officially, but every time he's missed a meeting in the past because he had something else going on it felt like the entire hockey world went into a panicked spiral that the lockout would never end.

If he's caught flying to Russia? May as well cancel the entire season, at the one after while you're at it. Sidney Crosby defecting to the K means it's over, don't even bother trying anymore.

Sid slumps down into his seat and tugs his hat further over his eyes. He'd managed to hide in the lounge right up until boarding, and so far he doesn't think he's been spotted.

He packed his Kindle, hoping to read himself to sleep once they left New York. Instead, though, the Kindle is sitting on the empty seat next to him, and he's scrolling on his phone.

Thankfully wifi for first-class international flights are free.

Sid's kept in touch with all the guys who have scattered to try and play while the NHL is at a standstill. He doesn't hold it against anyone; if he had the choice, he'd be on the ice somewhere too. Between the hurdle of getting himself insured internationally and the clamor of the press for him to stay involved in negotiations, though, it just hasn't worked out.

He wonders how long until Pat realizes he's left the country and starts calling.

Really, though, it's not Sid's fault.

He and Geno had left things open, when Geno called to tell Sid he'd be going home to play until the NHL got its shit figured out. Sid hadn't wanted to hold Geno back from enjoying his time home, and he didn't think he'd have the free time required for the maintenance and upkeep of an extreme long-distance relationship; it would be easier for both of them to do their own thing until they were back in the same city.

It only took about a month for Sid to regret it.

Geno's regular Instagram was bad enough, but the private one he set up a few weeks into his contract in Magnitogorsk was even worse. Picture after picture of him out at clubs, dressed like Sid's never seen him in North America, draped over guys who have their hands all over him—and that's nothing compared to the stories he's sharing in the team chat when the guys razz him for dressing like a slutty club rat.

From the sounds of it, Geno's doing just as much damage to the club scene as he is his hometown team's points records. There's only so much bragging that Sid can be expected to endure.

The flight to Moscow is torturously long, and the airport is a dizzying array of unintelligible signs and fumbling through customs until he finds the ride he'd pre-arranged. His hotel room is blessedly silent, and Sid sleeps for a solid ten hours as soon as his head hits the pillow.

Geno's team is in town for a week and a half. The K's schedule is more relaxed than the NHL's, with plenty of days to relax built in after long flights. Geno's clearly been taking advantage of the downtime.

It only took a few phone calls to secure a suite to watch Metallurg take on Dynamo Moscow. Geno's hockey is as good as it's ever been, maybe better as he shows off in his hometown colors, and Sid watches him like a hawk, wishing he was sitting behind the bench where he'd be able to watch the sweat drip down the back of his neck.

The hallways here are a maze, but hockey arenas are the same everywhere, and Sid leans against the wall across from the visitor's locker room, clearing out missed calls and frantic texts as he waits.

Geno's one of the last ones out; not like he is in Pittsburgh, but then again, in Pittsburgh he's never left a game dressed like this.

Sid takes a minute to eye up his skintight jeans artfully torn at the thighs, and the short-sleeve shirt with some reflective design painted on it, then steps forward and grabs Geno's arm, yanking him down a side hallway he'd found earlier.

"Sid?" Geno sounds shocked, and Sid takes advantage of his confusion to back him up against the wall. "Sid, you're here—why? What's happen?"

Sid gets his hands on Geno's ass and squeezes. Geno yelps, but he reflexively pushes his hips forward. "I came to see you," he says, putting his lips to Geno's ear and nipping at his neck. "I wanted to get a piece of what you've been throwing at every big guy with a fancy wristwatch you've run into since you got here. Is that a problem?"

Geno whimpers, leaning back and sliding down the wall a little as he opens his legs.

"You're such a slut," Sid says fondly, reaching down and groping Geno's dick through his pants. He's already half-hard and Sid hasn't done anything more than manhandle him a little bit. "Thought I should come over and get mine before you're all used up. Do you have a curfew?"

"No," Geno gasps as Sid squeezes too hard over his shaft. "I'm go out tonight with Sanja, stay with him maybe, it's off day tomorrow."

Sid grinds his teeth. "You're not going home with Ovechkin," he says, stepping back and pulling Geno after him. "I've got a room down the road. If you're lucky, I'll let you out of bed before anyone thinks to come looking for you."

They probably get spotted on the way out. Geno's not exactly inconspicuous in his club clothes, and Sid didn't make any effort to be discreet.

Fuck it. He'll deal with the fallout later, once he's reminded Geno who he belongs to.

[wanderingaldecaldo]

WIP Whenever on a Wednesday

I am terrible at keeping up with tags in general but I am aghast to see my oldest WIP Whenever tag was from nearly 8 weeks ago. I completed a couple of things since my last one, namely the sock garters and the boots, and added quite a few more projects to the list than I scratched off. 😩

Tagged by (and tagging back) @fly-amanitaa @streetkid-named-desire @ouroboros-hideout @aggravateddurian @luvwich

@ghostoffuturespast. Also tagging with the usual zero pressure @olath124 @dustymagpie @medtech-mara @corpo-cunt-couture

@merge-conflict @blackrevell @fereldanwench and YOU reading this! Share and tag me!

Modding

Shocking that it's still my main focus 🙄 but the first one is in support of a couple of VP project:

Presidential Props which include a variety of flags and the NUSA medal with box. The flags are part of the VP set below, though I didn't actually show them here.

Featuring: five different flag varieties with five appearances each; medal box in multiple states, plus the medal itself; and the presidential coin, scalable and with multiple appearances.

SlutWear, a new line of clothing that will tell NC just how slutty your V is. It will be gender and (smaller) size inclusive. 😊

Does Val really heart NC?

An update of my tee framework for dynamic AXL just in time for Pride, though there are no interesting pics to share. Sorry!

However, in support of the previous two items, a modder's tool: a CodePen to generate instances for the yaml. Both the SlutWear shirt(s) and the custom logo tees will require a lot of instances to get all of the color and logo combinations that are possible through dynamic AXL. There's still a little work to do, but it's already been of great use to me, as it wrote 220 lines of code for me. Let's not discuss how many lines of code I wrote to save those 220. 😂

Me using the tool to generate instances for the custom tees yaml. This will remove the limit on colors available to the user, so they can have any color with any of the logos!

VP (and Writing)

A glimpse at a set I took last week for inspo in the presidential PWP that's been stalled out at 5.7k words. More on it in a minute...

Even though the pics are cropped, they're still on the risque side, so I'm sticking them and the rest about the PWP behind the cut.

Not shown: Johnny both rolling his eyes at V and enjoying the show

I've been working on a PWP that was unrelated to the President's Merc AU for months now, but have been stuck because, well, I don't know how to wrap it up. I posted about it a little ways back and someone helpfully suggested that I just have to keep going until one of them passes out. Which, is what does happen, but I don't have that kind of patience to write it out and nearly 6k words is already well longer than my usual PWP, so I went in game to set the scene and possible prompt some ideas for a potenial ... climax to the scene.

It worked! I have a plan, and I think it won't take more than 500 words to reach the end, plus a few more touch-ups to help set up everything, then a rewrite or two for cleaning and polishing.

In the meantime, as I've been working through this version of Val and how she responds to Rosalind, it's the perfect prologue to The Tower story that I've been writing longhand. Val is going to leave this encounter fully loyal to Rosalind and will turn So Mi over with only a moment's hesitation. She doesn't have any attachments in this universe other than Misty and Vik, and after she wakes up to what Night City has become, it's easy for her to walk away from it forever. Especially when it puts her closer to Rosalind.

What about you? What are you working on? 👀

[eddiestightywhities]

SEVERAL SENTENCE SUNDAY

tagged by @inell—thanks, lovely! this is from yet another wip i have on the go; this one is about buck stealing an old photo of eddie from eddie's phone, for... nefarious purposes (p0rn. it's for p0rn purposes). however, this part is sfw. my no pressure tags are beneath the cut at the bottom of the excerpt xp

.

Buck knows it's wrong, okay? He does, he knows it.

Then again, he thought he'd known that he was long past Buck 1.0's chaotic, hedonistic ways (S.S.D's as he calls them only in his own head i.e. his Shamelessly Slutty Days), and that he'd grown into a more respectful, level-headed kind of man. A better man.

Buck really, honestly thought he had finally become a Grown Up.

But there's just something so enticing, and so fucking hot about this photo of Eddie—and it has him handbrake-turning and pedal-to-the-metal reeling straight back to Fuck It Town.

Literally.

Because he—he seriously wants to fuck the Eddie in this photo.

The fratboy-looking cap? The way Eddie's pearly whites are sinking into his bitten lip? The almost challenging sneer? God, it's making Buck want to wolf whistle or rev like a motorcycle or sing opera in soprano or hell, some kinda crazy shit. Also, he is sure that the white-hot fire dancing in Eddie's gaze (the one anybody with eyes can see) isn't purely from the reflection of the camera flash, like, there is definitely a juicy story there to tell. And just—the overall effect of... of... of fucking everything; this particular Eddie that Buck has never seen before. It's all just lighting something wild inside of Buck, a spark that wants to catch on every one of his major organs and blaze through his body like convection flames and shit, the Good Decisions section of his brain has logged off. Gone offline. Shut down.

Error 401

— Unauthorised

Buck knows he is breaking both his own self-preservation rule and his best friend's trust when his thumbs fly across Eddie's phone screen like The Roadrunner, a cartoon-ish explosion that is equal parts shame and excitement going off in his chest as he almost gives himself whiplash checking that Eddie is still busy in the mud room loading the machine with Eddie's, Chris’s and Buck's clothes, before Buck is rapidly getting back to committing his (hopefully) perfect crime.

“We need to buy fabric softener this week, bud,” Eddie shouts through, and Buck is starting to panic.

He's sent the old picture that he accidentally happened upon of this younger, definitely drunk, hot-as-all-fuck Eddie from Eddie's phone to his own phone, and although he can currently still see the curve of Eddie's beautiful bubble butt just peeking out past the door jam—meaning that his best friend is indeed still crouched down in front of the tub—Buck has yet to delete all of the evidence. As he fumbles, be can hear the machine's buttons beeping from being pressed by Eddie (thinking of his own buttons being pressed by this damn photo) and knows that Eddie's must be almost done in there. 

Fuuuuck. 

“Er, yeah, okay, on it. I'll put it down on the list in a sec,” he’s calling back, desperately hoping he doesn't sound like the freak he thought he wasn't anymore.

But before he's had a proper chance to check he's scrubbed away every bit of evidence of his misdemeanour, like deleting both the sent picture message and the duplicate photo from the WhatsApp gallery in Eddie's phone, Eddie is done with the laundry and is standing up and striding back into his kitchen, those sinfully tight blue jeans of his—and Eddie's crotch, Christ!—now squarely in Buck's eyeline and very understandably putting him off his clandestine game. 

See! Not your fault!

Buck's brain is trying to convince him of his innocence, but he knows as soon as he thinks it that it's a weak as fuck defence, and if found out he would definitely be getting jailed by the Stealing Sexy Photos of Your Best Friend For Your Own Sordid Desires police.

Eddie's then walking past him and stretching his fine self across the kitchen counter to reach out and push the window open a little further, and that perfect ass is right. Fucking. There. In all its impeccable stonewash glory, right fucking next to Buck's fucking face where Buck is is sitting at the Diaz kitchen table and supposedly looking at old baby photos of Christopher that Sofia sent to Eddie this morning (yes, he knows he is a truly awful person for that one), so when Eddie is easing himself backwards and brushing off both his of pretty, huge hands on those spectacular denim-clad globes before turning around to face a Guilty Evan Buckley, Buck feels almost justified about his surreptitiously mad, bad behaviour.

I cannot be held entirely responsible for my actions, your Honour!

.

weewoo taglist, play or nay:

@rosieposiepuddingnpie @sortasirius @angela-feelstoomuch @woodchoc-magnum @eddiegettingshot @veronae-buddie

[ghoultrifle]

I know it’s a bit early but I really hope we get some fan fiction of phantom celebrating Halloween for the first time

Thank you anon! I took this and kinda combined it with @p1nkcanoe's post here because i adore the idea of the abbey descending into chaos for two months a year. Also big credit to @marsohthree for her Phantom Halloween thoughts!

Here's 1.8k words of Phantom's first Halloween! This is somewhat based on unmasked Phantom but that's just because i never celebrated Halloween as a kid so he's all i have to go off asfhajghaldgh. Stick around to the end for a cute photo of Barbie and Ken! (also this is my first non-smut story and i'm a bit rusty, sorry!)

Phantom was practically vibrating with excitement, yes it was only September 1st but he’d heard today was the start of something called ‘Spooky Season’. Some people (Swiss) called it ‘Spoopy Season’ but that was silly because spoopy isn’t a proper word and it doesn’t even mean scary! 

The clock struck midnight, signalling the end of Summer and the start of two months of ghoul-induced chaos, Phantom was loving it. By the time the sun rose on the first of September, the walls of the Abbey were already covered in spray-on cobwebs and the glass panes in the doors stained with a bone-chilling red. Phantom had been the one to source the blood, having recently learned how to hunt with Cumulus; he absolutely was not a natural and the blood covering the walls had sprayed from the new ghoul after he mistook his tail for a rabbit.

All the ghouls from different disciplines of the clergy, including the band ghouls, collaborated on turning the Abbey into a hellfest, literally. They tried to recreate the atmosphere of the pit, only in the ghoul’s quarters of course, they’re not monsters. The mixed quarters, common areas between humans and ghouls, were turned into more of a haunted house with your typical Halloween attractions and scares.

Phantom couldn’t contain his goofy smile as he helped set up the mixed quarters, placing plastic spiders that he animated using his quintessence to occasionally scurry across the fake webs. He was dressed in a slutty devil costume, Rain dressed in the accompanying angel costume. Phantom’s red skirt barely covered his ass and his black mesh top matched his patchy painted nails. Rain was sporting a white miniskirt with thigh highs to match and a halo headband. Of course none of the ghouls needed to dress up, they could simply unglamour themselves, but it was more fun to do it this way.

The first ritual of the day was to carve the ministry’s pumpkins. After the hunting mishap, the pack decided Phantom was not to be trusted with a knife and was instead relegated to design and project management. He chose a bat design, of course, and carefully stood on his tiptoes watching over Aether’s shoulder as he carved out the flying creatures. Once the new ghoul was satisfied with his elder’s work he picked it up like a baby and would not let go, showing it proudly to everyone he met.

It got so bad he almost took it into the shower before Dew whisked it away, “Nuh uh lil guy, I am not cleaning pumpkin seeds out the drain. You can have it back after.” Dew proceeded to accidentally drop the pumpkin as he was walking back to Phantom’s room, startled by the motion-activated skeleton in the hallway. So instead of a pumpkin, the quintessence ghoul was met with a ‘forgive me?’ pair of bat plushies, it was love at first sight. They’re named Barbie and Ken and, yes, they're dressed in pink cowboy costumes.

Time passed as Phantom eagerly awaited The Day. In the meantime he’d often be found wrapped up in toilet roll, launching himself out of the shadows at passers by, trying to scare human members of the clergy and failing miserably, “Why aren’t they scared by my costume, Mounty?” he’d pout. “Well, you do it every morning so I think they know to expect you by now.” Mountain  replies. This only inspires the mischievous ghoul to up his scare game, his dream career being a scarer at a haunted house after the pack took him to Halloween Horror Nights.

The next day Aether and Omega had their work cut out at the infirmary as three clergymen were admitted for various fright-related conditions. Phantom bat-hung from the ceiling, the corpse of a freshly-hunted rabbit in his bloodied mouth, canines poking out as he smiled at the passing humans.

Phantom was forbidden from wearing anything other than normal clothes or slutty costumes from that point onwards.

In the days leading up to Halloween, the pack were sent on a trip to gather themed food for the ministry, Frankenstein crisps, ghost marshmallows, and of course sweets for trick-or-treaters. They thought it would be funny to let Phantom loose in the supermarket with just a list, the poor ghoul only just having learned how to read. “What’s this say?” Phantom asked excitedly, gasping for air as he ran back outside to where his pack was waiting, “Gummy worms, darling, you know the ones?” Cumulus replied the first time. Phantom nodded his head, skipping back into the store, only to jog back out minutes later.

“What ‘bout this one, Aeth?” He questioned, pointing hurriedly at the list. “Can’t see when you’re waving your hand around like that, Bug!” The older ghoul chuckled, moving Phantom’s hand away, “Ah, this is a tricky one. It says choco-late eye-balls.” Aether answers slowly as his hand traces the syllables on the paper. “If you can’t read anything else, just buy something spoopy!” Swiss shouts as Phantom shoots him a death stare from the store entrance.

It took five times as long as it would have taken if the pack joined Phantom, but the little guy enjoyed it too much for them to intervene. The ministry was now fully stocked, ready for the end of October.

Phantom awoke at 3am, the witching hour. His quintessence was tingling with the spirits of those below, rising for their day to shine. Today was the day. He restlessly walked to the kitchen, ready to eat despite the hour, to be met with a very tired Mountain. “Bug, what are you doing up? I thought we taught you how to read clocks?” he asked, still awake from the previous day. “Is Halloween Mounty! I couldn’t sleep any longer, too excited!”

Mountain sighed, clearly Swiss hasn’t been teaching Phantom how to tell the date as well as the time, “Tommy, it’s only the 29th of October, Halloween isn’t for another two days.” He frowned, upset for the eager ghoul. Phantom’s eyes began to water, tears instantly falling at the realisation, embarrassed and dismayed.

“Oh it’s alright, Bug, we can celebrate today if you’d like? Think of it as a practice!” Mountain replied frantically trying to abate the weeping ghoul. He pulled out his phone and texted the groupchat:

Mountain (3:06am): Ok ghouls change of plans… we’re celebrating Halloween today. Be ready :)

Dew (3:07am): huh? halpoween isnt todsy tho

Cumulus (3:07am): Yeah, what? What have you been meddling with Big Boy?

Mountain (3:10am): Phantom thought it was Halloween today and now he’s crying because it isn’t. I can’t bear to look at him like that so I told him we’re doing it today ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Mountain (3:10am): Not my fault btw! Someone (@Swisstopher) didn’t teach new bug how to read the date

Swiss (3:18am): …

Come sunrise, the pack was ready for the rootin-ist tootin-ist Halloween this side of October 31st. Mountain and Aether were dressed up as cowboys, basically an Arthur Morgan cosplay. Aurora wore Phantom’s devil costume with Rain still sporting the angel side. Dew and Cirrus were both zombies, full makeup (and a bit of unglamouring) making them look truly horrifying. Cumulus is wearing a sexy police outfit, because fuck the cops, right? And Swiss is shirtless, wearing a toilet seat cover with ‘Dracula’ written on it in sharpie, “I’m sexy dracula, OK?!”

Phantom was sitting on the edge of his bed, kicking his legs in excitement, ready to start the day. He was adorning a bat costume he made all by himself. It was a black cloth with eye holes cut out and some metal wire to make wings, Aether helped with that part.

They spent the day watching low-budget horror films and eating the Halloween goodies that they’d been saving for trick-or-treaters. Phantom was snuggled on the sofa right in the middle of the large ghoul cuddle pile, chirping happily as he realised how loved he was, his pack did this for him. They sat all day in their uncomfortable costumes just to give him the best not-Halloween ever, and it wasn’t even sundown yet.

Phantom sat by the front door, his tongue poked out as he tied his shoes, ready to go out. The whole pack was coming with him on his first candy hunt, except Dew, he’d gone on a smoke break and was taking so long they left without him.

Dew was, in fact, not on a smoke break. He was carefully knocking on the door of each house the pack was going to visit, “Hi! Yeah I know it’s not Halloween but my friend thinks it is, so could you just play along, please?” he asked, far too many times on behalf of what looked like a fully grown adult. Most of the houses complied, and the few that didn’t, well, Dew gave them a 20 and they quickly got on board. Nothing was going to ruin his Phantom’s night!

And so, one-by-one the occupants of the nearest village were met with a bedraggled Phantom in his homemade bat costume. “Trick or treat?” He’d shout, arms outstretched, holding a comically large bucket for the size of the ghoul offering it.

“Oh sweet thing, happy Halloween! I love your costume, did you make it yourself?” One old lady asked. Phantom nodded as he blushed and twirled to show off the wings. “Very impressive, young man. I think you deserve some chocolate for that, don’t you?” She smiled as she almost emptied a whole tub into Phantom’s bucket, his arms buckling at the weight.

The moon was illuminating the night sky, and the night was winding down. The young ghoul had long abandoned his candy bucket, simply too heavy for him to hold. They walked back to the abbey, Cumulus carrying the night’s haul while Swiss gave Phantom a piggyback, the quintessence ghoul’s legs sore from all the walking.

When they opened the front door, they were met with Copia in bat wings matching Phantom’s. He’d missed the day due to clergy commitments but wanted to show his support for his favourite ghoul. Copia guided them all to the common room where he’d decorated it as grotesquely as he could; bones everywhere, blood dripping from the ceiling, and various speakers playing spooky sounds.

Phantom plopped himself in the middle of the room, taking in the view and soundscape surrounding him as he ate the treats Cirrus left out for tonight, the rest stored safely away from the young ghoul. He couldn’t help but think how lucky he was to be in such a supportive pack. Oh boy was he ready for actual Halloween.

and they were roommates

[sheisbeautyweareworldass]

How was the show????

hiiiii

the show itself was sooooo good. he looked so beautiful 🥹 it was insane seeing live the things i’ve seen him doing just in videos for the last 5 years (i’m in the airport rn and i don’t wanna get emotional in the middle of a crowd but yeah !!! sometimes he would something, like that side smirk, and i couldn’t believe he was doing that in front of me and not through a screen). he sounded amazing in every song, but he nailed the high notes in angels fly and his breath control in wayof was incredible. and the crowd !!!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t how it looked on the videos/live, but it was super loud. i was only able to hear him by the end of the greatest (and barely). very loud, excited and people were vibing, dancing and yelling to every song (the only one we didn’t sing loudly along with was chemical, because it’s a new cover).

and you could see how happy he was ????? ofc i’m biased but he truly looked like he was having the time of his life, specially in songs like the greatest, because it was the opening, kmm, because it’s reminiscent of walls, and hoth, because it’s a crowd fave (i can’t stress enough how loud everyone sang this song, i think i dissociated in the next one because i was trying to get over what just had happened 😭), and waoyf, because it’s a slutty song for a slutty country! he also looked so proud and that’s how i found out i craved the validation of an english man… i noticed what he meant when he said shows here are about everyone enjoying the music and not only specific groups of people, because everywhere you looked people were vibing.

barricade was INSANE. we were so lucky no one got hurt because the entire premium pit was moving fast in the direction he went, in every direction you can imagine. i obviously wasn’t able to touch him (if i had i would be here to tell the story), but i could see him and he’s so beautiful. i can’t get over it. half of the things i said last night were various of pretty. i love him. i’m afraid me and parasocial relationship are soooo back.

i gotta be honest, i don’t get how people go to his show and pay attention to anything but him. the only time i noticed his band was when they entered the stage because the show was late and we were all waiting for them 😭 once was louis showed up, i had eyes for no one else and i didn’t want to look at anyone else. that being said, i think they had fun too. there was a moment the light was on steve and he was laughing loudly at isaac o michael and vice-versa.

giant rooks was also great! i’ll have to listen to their setlist for saturday because their performance live was top notch and the stage presence was insane.

that’s not to say things were perfect… they opened the gates later than they should and did everything in their power to slow down. then giant rooks’ started late and louis missed the time for about 20 minutes. i also tripped and scrapped harshly both of my knees and lightly my elbow and spent the entire show bleeding….. but as val said, nothing more me than hurting my knees for louis <3

tldr: louis pretty crowd loud aly injured

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

Your book sounds so cool!!!

AAAAAA, THANK YOU SO MUCH! It's called The Tale of the Evil Sorcerer/O Conto do Feiticeiro Maligno and it's free to read over Wattpad, but there isn't an english translation and I prob won't do that any time soon, as I'm going to rewrite it someday.

It's about an "evil" sorcerer who kidnapped a princess by accident, only to fall in love at first sight with the knight who came to save her. Things become worse when the princess figures out the sorcerer was never evil at all, but he's so bad at communication that he just let the rumors spread because it was easier than dealing with them, so she decides to strike a deal: She'll help him try to talk with the knight, who also happens to be her BFF, and in turn he will teach her how to be a sorcerer. And no, the knight has no idea what's going on, and he's also been indocrinated his whole life to beliefe that magic = SUPER BAD.

I love these three idiots so much. The sorcerer is called Meia-Noite (Midnight in english), princess is Valentyna, and the knight is Edgar. They share one (1) braincell and are all doomed by the narrative, except the story has a happy ending for everyone. The only villain who's not sympathetic is a transphobe named Joanne Atropa and she's english-coded. This is not a reference to an IRL transphobe/neonazi author, uh-uh, never! Infodump under the cut:

Meia-Noite is a gay disaster who lives in a fortress he found at age 13 in the middle of a jungle. Goth, anxious, and is actually a healer and not a shadow manipulator like the rumors say. He helps people if they get lost and need someone to treat their injuries because his duty as a healer is capable of overtaking his fear of strangers. He's tall with long dark hair but if the wind hits him a bit too hard he goes flying with it, the guy is a STICK.

Edgar is a bi knight who has trained his entire life to protect the girl he sees as a sister. He's autistic, albino and is REALLY serious about his duties as a knight (he's 17) to the point he forgot about everything else. Outside the harsh exterior he's actually a huge sweetie who loves photography and is super curious about magic, but feels super guilty and bad about it.

Valentyna is a lesbian princess who's a prodigy at almost everything she does, but her parents refuse to teach her light magic and she's desperate to help the people of her kingdom. This girl punched Meia the SECOND she was able to do so during the kidnapping, she may not know what she's doing but somehow she is winning the game. She cares so much about everyone around her! Also adopted an albino snake and named it Açúcar (Sugar) 15 seconds after finding her in the palace's gardens.

My girlfriend also wanted to say this:

[image id: "ALSO YOU NEED TO MENTION AÇÚCAR. lovely baby, has never done anything wrong, most important character". end image id]

Some other characters include:

Olhos de Fogo (Fire Eyes), a HUGE dumbass who's also a sorcerer. Pan king, ranked #1 arsonist over three different kingdoms, also ranked most handsome character by the readers (somehow!!!!! People love to thirst over him!) and has a "very gender" title given by me. Doomed by the narrative except unlike the trio he just accepts his fate because he's a huge loser. If this will end well for him or not it's something everyone has yet to see. My girlfriend has this to say about him:

[image id: "i love my terrible slutty son tho". end image id.]

Angélica, Meia's adopted sister, can see the future sometimes and is also a fashion enthusiasts. Use the people in the "fortress" she lives in as test subjects for her clothes, girlie is always tired and a bit terrified of the future ahead but trying her BEST to stay positive. And failing. I want to give her a special treatment in the rewrite because I think she deserves it.

Comandante (Commander), has this name because they're the commander of the non-binary nation. Accidentally misheard Meia-Noite and thought they were supposed to KIDNAP Valentyna instead of politely taking her over for a conversation about why her parents are incompetent at their jobs, now must be the parent friend to everyone. I love them so much, they're an icon to me.

Elisabeth, a princess from a rival kingdom who may or may not be Valentyna's crush. A bit more on the gothic side, had a pretty unusual childhood and her tweenhood was pretty hard. Tries her best to look eloquent and always knowing what to do, but really, REALLY wants to be a bit more loose. She and Tyna will have an enemies/rivals to lovers arc in the rewrite bc why not.

IT/THAT THING/ANYTHING/THE ???????????. A creature that's always watching. Also may be the guy that gave Meia half of his trauma.

The NARRADORA, AKA Narrator, the girl who's telling this story. It's her first big assignment and she LOOOVES saying her opinions about what is going on, much to her professor/adopted father's dismay.

THE NARRADOR, AKA Narrator but masc, is Narradora's older brother and a lot more kept-together than her, except it's all a facade for an equally chaotic creature. Loves gossip.

THE PROTAGONISTA, AKA Protagonist, who's ALSO another narrator. Super insecure because he's still training to be a storyteller, but he has his boyfriend (Narrador) and best friend (Narradora) to help.

THE LOCUTOR, who only appears to narrate like three times max. Older brother figure of the group, a huge cryptid who seems to be the coolest thing ever until you discover he stole an one-night-stand's head for funsies and is yet to give it back.

THE HOMEM VELHO, AKA Old Man, the professor of the group. Never makes a proper apparition but I want to mention him because he's a tired dad, someone PLEASE give him a break.

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 12

Hi friends!!

I read a certain dark romance book this week and then also spent some time trying to catch up on all my lovely mutuals' fics (and there were many), so the rec list is only like 9 fics this week. I guess that's still a lot? It's no 27 fics though.

If you tagged me in a fic this week, I'm planning to get to those soon I promise. The actual spreadsheet with all my recs can be found here and the masterlist for my fic recs can be found here.

Anyway recs below the Pedge

Adversity a Frankie/Ezra series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch

This combo... okay I'll just start with how unreasonably HOT this is. Like you got Ezra: protective, talkative, wild, a little feral, definitely likes to use his mouth, lean and impeccably dressed with that dumb little blond patch. Then you have Frankie: Established Canon Pussy Eating King, def talks you through it, broad shoulders and a cute belly, patchy beard you'd just die to have between your legs, broody boy. So obviously, I'm already about to pass out. And then!! Their relationship with each other makes me feel so many things. The way Ez pulls Frankie out of his fucked up head and the way Frankie settles Ezra UGH. And then!!! and then!!!!!!! The way they take care of reader and the way they all love each other and balance each other out!! The hints of the other TF boys in there is v fun also. I know this series is old, but I am dying for it to be added to. Every glimpse into this wonderful lil throuple was wonderful. <3333

i've got headaches and bad luck but they couldn't touch you - a Joel one shot by @tremendum

Brat tamer!Joel is sooooo fucking hot. This is filthy and I love it!

warmth - a Joel one shot by @grippingbeskar

ooooh i love how at first this is just a sweet lil fluffy thing and then you put *you can stop reading here if you aren't a whore. however, i am, so i will continue* LMAO. I'm obviously a whore so I obviously kept reading. This one is for my thigh riding girlies <333

the worthwhile fight - a Marcus P one shot by @swiftispunk

So glad you decided to write some sweet angel baby Marcus P!! And I love the lil twist with reader being the protective one, because.... I actually cannot see Marcus punching anyone. Like I'm sure he would if he had to, but in my head he's such a soft boy I can't. The smut, as usual, was just absolutely immaculate. Looking forward to more marcus from you maybe...???? (please)

Sparks fly - a Joel one shot by @ezrasbirdie

Ok listen... This is the second anal fic I've read in as many weeks that made me have emotions other than filth... How do y'all keep doing this to me. The story is adorable, I love it!! And then they eat each other's asses and it's hot and it's a good time. Honestly I'd still give this a shot if you're not into the idea of eating Joel Miller's ass bc there's a bunch of super cute interactions and some smut before that happens... If you're a freak tho... this is the one

Just a little taste - a Din one shot by @jksprincess10

I fucking love inexperienced!Din and I love when he tastes pussy for the first time and just goes absolutely nuts. This was so hot ugh.

Fire a Din one shot by @jksprincess10

Din Djarin Fluff Supremacy

Hungry Hearts - a Joel series by @atinylittlepain

Young Joel... in booty shorts... playing baseball??? Being a gratuitous flirt and a total asshole in the most frustratingly charming of ways?? Ok and then... he's also a MECHANIC... Slutty Joel is everything. Oh but let's not stop there! We also get girl dad Joel being the most stereotypical softball parent ever. Sarah and Ellie being so very Sarah and Ellie about the whole thing. Also like if you needed more incentive for some reason Joel gets hit in the balls while being a douchebag. I feel like I'm not selling this as well as I should be, but I don't want to give too much away. It's delightful. Read it!!

Peace - a Joel one shot by @swiftispunk

As a former John Green novel SIMP, I love the living eulogy thing. It has a special place in my heart and I refuse to apologize for that. This fic had me tearing up bc like... Joel Miller deserves to hear how good he is and how much he means to people and he doesn't really ever get that in canon. Not really. I am going to have a literal breakdown bye

----------------oldies but goodies----------------

The Appreciation of Fine Liquor - an Ezra one shot by @write-and-buried

poor baby - a Joel series by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Just a little game - Javi P one shot @walkintotheriveranddisappear

quickie (boyfriend's dad!joel x reader) - a Joel one shot by @joelscruff

𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒆, 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚 - a Dieter one shot by @psychedelic-ink

warm up - a Dieter one shot by @ezrasbirdie

Dieter Bravo x Library AU - a Dieter one shot @fuckyeahdindjarin

Bouquet, Bloom, Blossom - a Dieter series by @mypoisonedvine

----------------------------------------------------

Happy Reading

[reorientation]

Two days ago I came across the ftm detrans/misgendering kink. It was wild how horny reading these posts made me. I’ve rubbed my clit multiple times now to this type of content, it seems I just can’t get enough. For reference, I’m 6 years on T and have had top surgery. This morning in the shower I shaved my pussy so that I could feel smooth and feminine down there. I’m worried where this kink might lead, but the more I interact with this content, the more I crave the feeling of a man’s cock filling my pussy. Am I really a man, or have I just been a slutty girl this whole time?

Well, you're more than welcome here, come on in! (Said the spider to the fly.)

It's fun to discover something new that you're immediately wildly into, isn't it? Just, sometimes... your instant passion is the kind of thing that might put you on your back, or in a maternity dress.

But you knew that, didn't you? You can't have come across my blog without seeing the stories of "boys" going a little deeper than they thought they'd ever go. And you're already going pretty quick... as I'm sure you feel, touching your bare pussy.

One thing I'll tell you: "Am I really a man, or have I just been a slutty girl this whole time" isn't quite the right question. Sometimes it's about uncovering what was already there, and sometimes it's about transformation.

What you want to ask yourself, while rubbing your clit and craving a real man's cock inside you, is this: having seen what I've seen and felt what I've felt, am I just a slutty girl now?

[itsdappleagain]

Arguably one of the strongest character building episodes in the entire series, The Daisho Caper is fantastically unique in its motivations, gorgeous scenery and animation, and subversion of expectations. I’m so ready for this unique and spectacular episode. LET’S GET IT GOING!!!!

(and yes. im mega late. working on it. notes under the cut as always!)

I love this infodump section so much. It’s really beautiful and super unique in that it starts the episode and also happens in a flashback (almost everything about this episode is unique?? From singing to a rejected redemption arc there are lots of things in this episode that never happen again

LIL BABY CARMEN

AWWW WAIT CARMEN ASKS IF HE CAN TAKE HER TO JAPAN AND YEARS LATER HE GETS TO. DAD MOMENT

And you can see how shadow-san distances himself from her as she gets older

Sleepy carmen <333

Sleepy EVERYONE

SHADOWLOLADLOWLEHEE HOO

That ironic little “heh” carmen does is so. Yeah i dont know i love it

Man hideo got SUMMONED she put one finger on the glass and he teleported

HOW ABOUT SORRY, CARMEN

Hideo is honestly so perceptive he would kill it in miraculous ladybug /j okay but seriously he’s already noticed what she knows and he even recognizes her when. Literally not even the law enforcement agency dedicated to catching her could at one point

“Dark forces” checks out, seeing as shadow-san basically means mr. shadow

I love when they get bitchy with each other

Also HI the animation is SOO PRETTY THIS EPISODE

More than a feeling by boston. Its by boston you guys do you get it its by boston

Also this karaoke scene SLAPS

Not zack pulling down shadowsan’s clothing. Yas bitch show a little slutty shoulder

THEYRE HAVING SO MUCH FUN <333

Zack and ivy: thank you thank you!!!!

Carmen and Shadowsan: okay well now that theyve shut the fuck up we can continue talking i guess

MAN HE SAID SPIES AND ASSASSINS AND HE’S REMEMBERING DEXTER…SPYING AND ASSASSINATION WAS WHAT HE WAS THERE FOR AND HE HAS TO CONFRONT IT NOW

HE CAN’T REALLY BECOME A SAMURAI IN THE EYES OF HIMSELF AND HIS BROTHER UNTIL HE CONFRONTS THAT PIECE OF HIS PAST AND LEARNS TO GROW FROM IT WITH CARMEN. MAN THIS EPISODE

PAPER STAR <333

Wait dokuso says “i called you here” do senior operatives have some caper perms? Can dokuso contact the faculty and be like HEY can i borrow paper star

Not quite sure what the little maneuver in the air was supposed to help avoid because it did. Nothing

HNNG okay i’ve dumped on jo’s DMs about this shot but its SO pretty

Follows the rule of thirds line, the gorgeous lighting, paper star framed in the moon, the perspective and use of space, the petals blowing in the wind, glowing in the light. ACTUAL LITERAL ART

Rip deleted scene where paper star says “sheep dont fly” the first time ig 

Season two and those slide-under-projectile shots

Carmen and chucking painful building materials at evil gay women this season

Carmen loves that little flip over the shoulder move

Also I LOVE that you can just watch Carmen figure out who Suhara is immediately its cool

whats up with the dirt on his face

SO BEGINS THE VILE FACULTY SAGA honestly such a fun plot point from this season they'll literally try out anyone

GOD the bridge and the cherry blossoms and the water have I mentioned how gorgeous this episode is

there's always more to the story with shadowsan

also mmm i love. i love that carmen isnt quite certain, so she says "suhara" very quietly. she's testing it out, and the look on shadowsan's face is all she needs to figure out that she's right

just another little tiny clue that shadowsan knows more than he lets on about her past. why would he be guilty about simply not knowing where she came from? if his cover story was true, he would if anything be carmen's savior from a terrible death or being picked up by some random people or something. just. god really good.

SHADOWSAN IS SO TALL NEXT TO HER SJDGDHS

god that transition with the cherry blossoms was good

i feel so bad for hideo he didn't deserve shadowsangst

btw i want to see a spinoff with the faculty/shadow-san's school and early crime days

man the confrontation scene is so raw. hideo is shaking, holding that sword, but he is fucking ready to fight his brother about keeping the sword. man its good

appreciate the scenery

that reveal of the shot being a puddle is also so good this episode is literally art

i love rewatching this episode for the little details- the camera always stopping before ivy's face, the swords discreetly disappearing as the cart goes by. you don't even notice the first time

i know they kill people and stuff but the hoodlums are kinda sweet. yess kings sing that karaoke

i wonder if the elvis song was a nod to the elvis episode they wanted to do with shadowsan (duane said they had to scrap it and im SOOO MAD)

ivy and zack must just have full charisma stats bc i dont know how they keep getting away with blending in literally everywhere. maam thats a white bitch in a wig

i love the three of them immediately sweating their balls off when shadowsan grabs the sword

EVEN THE IMPACT FRAMES ARE COOL

btw the tattoos in this episode are cool i wish more non yakuza members had them

that app on carmen's phone is a gaydar

how long was paper star just sitting in the packaging just going "ooghhh yeah im like a fucking jack in the box im gonna scare her so bad ooogh"

i love the kitty fans

not sure what carmen was going to do with the fans anyway seeing as she doesnt know how to use them as a weapons but whatever

oh nevermind she. i guess does

i love howw carmen just like. rides paper star

girlie has to stop strapping shit to her back it does not work

another one of my favorite shots in the show the lighting is sooo beautiful

i also like how carmen is looking down, not trying to shake her off, reaching a hand down- she doesn't want paper star to fall to her death, obviously

i was like damn how did that little fall knock both of them out cold but paper star LANDED ON HER NECK

PARTIES OVER ELVIS IS GONE

i love the very minimal music when dokuso and shadowsan are fighting its cool

get poisoned

i think they reused the shadowsan poisoned groaning sound twice in a row

anyway also a nice shot here

it seriously looks like paper star was just lying there and as soon as she heard carmen get up she was like oh chill nap time is over

that climbing the ladder animation was so slick

so wait. they predicted? that paper star would not only be hidden in the sword room but latch onto carmen's ankle and follow her all the way up to that roof. so they could glue her

kill kill kill

the anime glasses on dokuso are awesome

out of context it looks like carmen just murdered shadowsan in a swordfight

god the empty room. and then you pan down and shadowsan is kneeling. good shit

MAN what a fantastic scene. he does exactly what shadowsan asks him to- does not forgive him, because he does not yet see a reason to. but he allows him to correct that mistake. what . god what a good rejection of a redemption shadowsan HASN'T redeemed himself (fully) yet it just makes sense

mmm when he appears from behind her and her spidey senses go off. its good shit

just that emotion on her face. she's sympathetic that his brother didn't accept him back, but happy that he'll still go with them on their journey.

now, this is the only time we get a voiceover from carmen (other than when she's talking to crackle in the pilot) and its such a stark choice. like the only time we ever really get an inner monologue from carmen that lets us know how she feels about it

everything about this episode is just so fantastic and different! cs thrives when it dives into character motivations...but it just doesn't do that very much. there are so many unique choices in the episode- from the untraditional infodump scene to the music to the gorgeous animation/lighting to the voiceover to the rejected redemption scene to the hints at shadowsan's true past with carmen...i could keep going on and on about it forever, but I won't. you've seen the episode. its just. argh. its so good

okay that's all from me. hopefully I can get the rest of my cs weeklies out sooner rather than later- im almost done with finals!!

[prpfz]

🩸Looking for roleplayers who would like to do a Shogun style RP 🩸

I just love medieval Japan and I might've missed the boat ;) for not asking for this sooner but I was travelling.

The main kinks for the scene will Oral > Anal > Rimjobs > Dirty talk. There may also be a theme of cross culturalism depending on how closely we follow the series or its themes. And of course another main component of the story will be kimonos, my favorite historical dress of any culture.

Please be able to write at least 150 words per post. I'm really tired of people saying they write 2-3 paragraphs per post but then each paragraph is a single 20 word sentence.

It's alright if you're a submissive writer as well but specifically I want to avoid passive writers who don't push the scene forward with every post. 1 question to always ask yourself after writing is 'what's different before & after my post?' Bonus points if you can play your female characters as flirtatious or even slutty. I love it when RP partners add to their own flair to the character and have a soft backstory that they can make up on the fly. It doesn't need to be well thought out but just something to vaguely reference to.

give a like and anon will get back to you

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 2

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 2: Maneater

December 2005

The weeks leading up to Christmas were chaotic yet blissful. Phil managed to nearly avoid everyone in his life back home in favour of spending time with his new buddies, going from party to party, getting wasted and overall exploring his new freedom. His enjoyment came to a screeching halt the night he was packing his bags to go home listening to Muse on blast with Sarah. An MSN buzz nearly made his laptop speakers explode. 

Anja popped in his messages.

GoThic chiK (Anja): Phil are yuo ok? Why aren’t you answering your fucking phone mate?

Phil Strikr: Ya just packing ma bagg. Sup}?

GoThic chiK (Anja): Richard found your dating profile and sent it to everyone.

Phil felt all his blood rushing to his ears, he couldn’t hear anything at all, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. 

“Phil? Phil! Phil! What happened?” Sarah said, shaking him by his flannel.

He turned to look at her, his vision blurring as his eyes welled up in tears. He tried to speak but no words came out, so he pointed at the screen. Sarah grabbed his laptop and gasped, cursing under her breath, her fingers flying over the keyboard.

Phil threw himself back on the bed and hid under the covers as he let out a choked sob. Why would anyone do that, least of all his friend? He had been outed to his friend group, his secret was probably already spreading around the tiny town that had watched him grow. He wanted to know what they thought of him, his ‘friends,’ but he wasn’t ready for them to hate him, to yell at him for lying and pretending to be someone he wasn’t.

He didn’t want to go home. Oh, God! What if his mother had heard? His father too!

His phone started ringing and he covered his ears, crying just a little louder now.

Sarah pried the covers off him slowly and moved one of his hands, placing the phone to his ear. “It’s Anja, talk to her.”

A little whine escaped his throat but he didn’t speak. 

Anja sounded like she was crying as well. “Phil, listen… Everything will be ok. I am here with you,” she sniffled. “We will talk to them and fix this. Richard had no right to do that, but we will fix it.”

“How?” he finally asked, his voice still shaking. Sarah was rubbing his back in circles, trying to comfort him.

“Make a group chat and add everyone in,” Anja said. “Let’s stop the gossip in its tracks.”

“I’m scared,” he admitted. Sarah frowned and laid at his side, pushing his hair out of his face with a worried expression.

“Everything will be alright, I promise,” said Anja.

At that moment Phil believed her. He took a deep breath and sat up. He got his laptop and made the group chat with Anja still on the phone for reassurance. “Ok, I have to hang up so I can type with both hands.”

“Alright,” Anja said. “Take a deep breath, I am here with you, ok?”

“Thank you… for everything,” Phil sniffled.

“Always. Love you,” she said and hung up.

He looked up at Sarah, who was smiling at him encouragingly. “You can do it,” she said. “If they are rude, tell them to fuck off. You have friends here.”

Phil gave her a watery smile and looked at his screen but before Phil could even type his first message, the window buzzed, startling him, his fingers pausing over the keyboard as he read his friends’ messages.

Big Dick (Richard): hey what the fuck is up with that dating profile shit? Xd shit’s embarrassing.

Icy Ian: I would like to know to o but i don’t think its embarrassing.

Phil Strikr: jesus shut the fukc up! He sent a buzz for good measure. 

Phil Strikr: i will say this once: i am gay and i am not ashamed of who i am. If you want to judge me or laugh at me for it you can fuck off already. This isn’t a scandalous fucking litlte secret or smt to gossip aboit and i’m disappointed and hurt that you thought about it like that and laughed at me behind my back. If you can’t accept me as i am you can all fuck off from my life. Say one more shit about me like that and youre done.

Big Dick (Richard): wait phil

Big Dick (Richard): shit man… i didnt mean it like that. U know were friends and stuff. Always have been. Was just teasing man

Keith U.u: you know i am here for you man. You are one of my best mates and no amount of dick will change that.

Phil Strikr: that’s not funny. 

Keith U.u: sorry just wanted to make the situation lighter.

Phil Strikr: who outed me?

The chat went completely still for a full minute or so.

Phil Strikr: i wanna kno who spread this instead of talkin to me.

Still nothing.

GoThic chiK (Anja): It was Richard and Noah.

Noah’s evil arch: sorry man, please dont cut me out.

Phil Strikr: haven’t you noticed that i missed out on a lot of things you did? I just wanted to meet someone and have the same experiences you had, go on dates, have a boyfriend, i don’t want to be fucking lonely anymor.

Noah’s evil arch: i never knew you felt like that. Srry! That sucls. I hope yu find a nice boyfriend soon.

Big Dick (Richard): ye, if you do you have to bring him over so that we know he’s not an ass.

Keith U.u: nobody can be more of an ass than you Richard.

Big Dick (Richard): shut up. Phil I want you to know that i’m sorry. i support you and i would never want to stop being friends with you over something so stupid. I should have thought about how this would affect you instead of running my mouth but i guess we all know i’m not that bright. Feel pretty pathetic rn.

Phil let out a sigh of relief and smiled a little, feeling relief at finally being taken seriously, but it was not over yet. 

Phil Strikr: you are and it’s not stupid to me.

Big Dick (Richard): you know i don’t say this too often but i love you man. I will never do something like that again. I will be your friend for as long as you want me to and you can count on me. I’m serious,.

Phil Strikr: I appreciate the apology.

GoThic chiK (Anja): while were at it i’m a lesbian.

Phil Strikr: what? Is that why you always felt different to other girls? 

Phil’s fingers froze, unable to type. Everything made so much sense now. He had been so blind.

Icy Ian: knew it! 

GoThic chiK (Anja): probably because i knew you didn’t want in my pants and i didn’t want in yours xd. Shut up ian you didn’t know shit.

Big Dick (Richard): it makes sense that you wouldn’t date me then.

GoThic chiK (Anja): name one woman who would date you richard.

Icy Ian: I didn’t know about Phl but I knew you were too cool for boys.

GoThic chiK (Anja): that’s one way to put it.

Icy Ian: hey An you got a gf atm? Bring her around.

GoThic chiK (Anja): you don’t need to concern yourself with that knowledge IAn.

Icy Ian: Bring her around next time.

Phil Strikr: ye An! You have to bring her sometime.

GoThic chiK (Anja): it’s complicated, she’s from MAnchester.

Phil Strikr: You guys can crash at mine’s. My mum won’t suspect a thing.

GoThic chiK (Anja): really? Ok maybe i will invite her then.

Phil Strikr: you can always count on me.

Noah’s evil arch: Phil you can crash with me if you have your bf over. Do your parents know?

Phil Strikr: not yet.

Keith U.u: you don’t have to tell them yet if you don’t want.

Phil Strikr: thanks guys.

Big Dick (Richard): let’s get together this weekend ye? Let’s do something special.

Keith U.u: alright but if you cook for us again i’m out.

Icy Ian: agreed.

Big Dick (Richard): hate yu guys.

Big Dick (Richard): fine we can order pizza.

The conversation fizzled out after a few hours but Phil lay on his bed smiling about it, with Sarah at his side, going over everything that had happened. It hadn’t gone like he would have wanted to, but his friends knew and had accepted him - and Anja was just like him. He giggled and threw an arm over his eyes. He had been so blind at all the clues Anja had tried to give him. She had always known he was a safe space for her and tried to let him know she knew without forcing him to come out, but Phil had been too deaf, blind and overall stupid to notice. 

Thankfully, Sarah had stuck at his side through the entire ordeal and even slept over that night.

---

The train ride home was nerve wracking. Phil knew his friends wouldn’t tell anyone else after their last conversation, but the thought of seeing them in person was driving him a bit barmy. 

For a moment, he was scared that his family would somehow figure it out as well, but everything felt the same back home. Actually, his fear settled into disbelief when Martyn asked him if he had a new girlfriend or something. They were actually clueless, weren’t they? Not everything was as uncomfortable as that conversation though. Cornelia, Martyn’s new girl, was there to be the centre of attention and save Phil from his misery. She was really nice too, so he quickly learned to like her.

December 24th 2005

The first reunion with his friends was not nearly as awkward as he had thought. They were thankfully all back, but they had not invited some acquaintances outside the group. Anja and her girlfriend were the only girls and Phil was thankful that the guys had way more questions to ask them rather than focusing on him.

Richard even took a moment to apologise to Phil out in the balcony and pulled him into a hug, bowing to never out anyone again or gossip about people’s sexuality. He also took it upon himself to make sure that Phil felt comfortable at his house, bringing him drinks, offering water to him and even chastising Noah but asking Phil if he had ever liked any of them. 

Phil didn’t take that personally, it was a stupid joke and he didn’t even have to answer because the disgusted face he apparently made was so funny that the entire group burst into laughter. Still, Richard had punched Noah in the stomach that was only half play fight and that had cut any sort of weird joke in its tracks for the rest of the night. 

Just after midnight, the gang decided to have a small toast to celebrate that it was already Christmas. Shortly after, Phil made eye contact with Anja and she nodded back, putting her arm around her girlfriend and whispering something in her ear. It took a few minutes to say their tipsy goodbyes, promising to stay in touch as long as they were back home and to program another get together, but soon they were on their way to Phil’s.

The good thing about being mildly drunk is that walking in the middle of the night in the dead of winter never seems to be that big of a deal because, by the time you make it to your destination, you’ve already forgotten the trip.

Once back home, Phil led the girls to his bedroom and grabbed a comforter to set camp out in the lounge. Just as he said good night to them and turned off the light, he caught a glimpse of them sharing a soft kiss in the moonlight and smiled. He was happy for them and he couldn’t wait to experience his real relationship too, with cuddles and soft kisses in the dark.

He made his way to the lounge and plugged his phone to charge overnight, laying close enough to the side table so that he could go through his texts. He opened the conversation with Dan first. “Hey, sorry, I was out with friends but I’m back home now.”

“It’s fine. Had fun? Any hot chicks?”

“Lol. Yeah, plenty. I have two in my bed right now. ;)”

“No way. you’re lying. how did you get 2?”

“They are my friends. What did you think? xD I’m sleeping in the lounge.”

“Lame.”

Phil giggled. “What were you up to today?”

“Just out with someone.”

“Mysterious… anyone special?”

Dan started typing a reply, stopped and continued several times until he finally hit send. “mmmaybe x.X”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Something like that.”

Phil smiled. It seemed like Dan had found someone to keep him company, his first girlfriend. Maybe that would help with his self-esteem. “Aww, that’s cute. Hope you have fun with her, just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and if things go too far use protection.”

“Omg, shut up. Don’t say that. xD”

“Hey, Dan. It’s Christmas already. Hope you have a nice holiday.”

“You too, I don’t think I will with my dad around but thanks anyway.”

“Maybe you could do something with your gf as well.”

“Yeah, maybe. Goodnight Phil.”

“Good night, Dan.”

Phil set his phone on the table and covered himself up completely to keep any sort of light from disturbing his sleep. Hopefully he could make it to breakfast in one go.

--

December 25th 2005

His mother woke him up with a frown, letting him know that he should get Anja and Tara up for breakfast and make sure that they make it home safely as well. The message was clear: feed them and take them home, no loitering, no messing with her christmas prep.

Phil sat quietly sipping his coffee while the girls chatted with his mum about what she would be cooking. He tried his best not to spit out his coffee at the thought of eating anything cooked by his mum. As a child he had no choice, but luckily he now had the option of sticking to whatever his grandma and auntie brought around.

Tara gave him a questioning look. “What’s your favourite Christmas meal?”

“Yorkshire puddings. My auntie makes really good ones,” he answered quickly before shoving 3 cookies into his mouth and staring intently into his mug to avoid his mum’s gaze. 

Anja snickered, knowing well that his mum was a disaster in the kitchen. “We better get going. Thank you for having us, Kath.”

“Oh, it’s always a pleasure, honey,” his mum said, pulling Anja into a hug. “You can stop by at any time. And you too, Tara.”

“Thank you, Mrs. L,” said Tara.

Phil helped the girls check they weren’t leaving anything behind in his room before they put on their coats and made their way out the door and into the biting cold. As they walked, he saw Tara kept throwing glances at Anja and blushing, her hand rubbing against her girlfriend’s shily. “You can hold hands if you want,” he said.

“I - What if anyone sees us?” Tara asked, looking a bit scared at the thought.

He laced his fingers with Anja’s and raised his eyebrows at them. “Now you. We can all hold hands. What will people assume then?”

Anja giggled. “Maybe they will assume we are all together.”

“That’s fine by me,” Phil said.

“Alright,” Tara said, beaming and joined in the three way hand holding, swinging their hands the way little kids do when walking along with their friends. He was a little proud to be able to put a smile on Tara and Anja’s face just by being supportive. He gave them both a hug and left them at the bus stop.

It wasn’t until Phil got back home that he saw a present under the tree that hadn’t been there the night before. It had his name on it. He sat down on the sofa and opened it carefully. Inside the package was a little note in Anja’s handwriting saying that this was Richard’s idea. Phil smiled and opened the scrapbook. Each page had a picture of their friend group and a little story, starting from 1998, when they were 11. There were screen grabs from some of their home movies, a Polaroid of their only camping attempt in Phil’s backyard which ended when they were caught in the storm, and so many days just hanging out and playing video games. 

There were messages from everyone scattered all across the pages as well and a single closing note from Richard with everyone’s signature under it. “Thank you for being an amazing friend. Don’t forget you’re stuck with us forever.”

Phil smiled and held the scrapbook to his chest. Despite what had happened, he felt happy to still call them his friends.

---

The holidays were mostly uneventful except for the fact that it was the first time Phil was treated a bit more like an adult. Now that he had officially moved away, his parents were a little more lenient, so Phil had spent most of his time hanging out with his friends and getting smashed. After the New Year’s toast, in which he was the only one without someone to kiss, his parents had excused themselves and left him with Martyn and Cornelia. The three had played just another game of Scrabble before the love birds decided to abandon him as well.

Phil briefly considered going to bed as well, but he felt a bit on edge, too restless to sleep.

He made himself one more drink and went up to his room, taking a seat by his bedroom window and looking out into the night. He took a sip of his gin and tonic and sighed, wondering what the future had in store for him. His phone vibrated and he smiled when he saw it was Dan wishing him a happy new year. He was about to reply but decided that it was a great time for a call. It only rang twice before his friend picked up.

“Hey, what are you doing still up?” Phil asked.

“Just came home, I brought Malibu and a blanket and sat on the roof to watch the stars. Are you drunk?”

“Nop,” Phil said, making the ‘p’ pop. “Ok, maybe a little.”

Dan giggled. “That’s what I thought. How was your night?”

“Lonely. Didn’t have anyone to kiss around here. How about you? Did you kiss anyone at midnight?” Phil took another sip from his drink.

“That sucks.” Dan said. “...Yeah,” he added, breathlessly. 

“Ooh, who was it? How was it?” Phil asked, drinking some more. Then he remembered their last conversation. “Was it your girlfriend?”

“Yeah…” Dan mumbled.

“Aw, that’s cute, congrats! I haven’t met anyone in York yet.” Phil downed the rest of his drink and set the glass on the window seal. “I feel old and like I’m the spinster of this family.” 

Dan laughed. “You’re not old, you’ll find someone.”

“Do you really think that?” Phil asked as he walked over to his bed and let himself fall onto it face first. He didn’t even know why he cared so much, but he did.

“Yeah, I really do. You’re great.”

He smiled, turning his face to the side, feeling the alcohol buzz inside his skull. “I’ve been told I’m amazing, actually.”

“Yeah, you are,” Dan snorted. “Amazing Phil. You’ll find someone soon, just put yourself out there.”

Phil nodded. “Alright, I’ll do that. Thanks.”

“No problem. Happy New Year.”

“Mmm…Happy New Year, Dan,” Phil whispered and let his eyes fall shut with Dan still on the other side of the call. 

---

January 2006

Seeing Anja and Tara so happy together had really cemented Phil’s resolution in finding a boyfriend as soon as possible. The first opportunity presented itself on the last weekend of January, just a day shy of his 19th birthday, when he saw a familiar face in the crowd at the pub. 

Phil downed his daiquiri, adjusted his fringe and made his way towards the blonde guy he had made out with that one time. He briefly wondered if the guy would remember him or not but his doubts disappeared when he looked into Phil’s eyes and smirked.

“Well, well, well. Fancy seeing you here…” he hesitated.

“Phil,” he said in a slightly high pitched voice. Phil cleared his throat and tried again. “Phil,” he repeated.

“Mark,” he said, pulling Phil closer by the belt loop in his jeans. “I’m sorry that I never texted. You seemed much less inclined to… be up for a date.”

Phil smiled and placed his arms on Mark’s shoulders. “Yeah, I was a bit shy back then.”

“And you’re not anymore?” 

“A bit, but I came out to my roommates and I don’t feel as terrified to be seen around.”

Mark’s smirk widened. ��I’m glad to hear that,” he said, already leaning in for a kiss. 

Phil smiled and angled his face just so, feeling a rush of excitement as their lips touched for the first time. It was the taste of the sugary drink in Mark’s lips, the heat coming from the people dancing around them and the way his entire body tingled when he found himself pressed into a wall. He let out a surprised whine when he felt Mark’s hard cock pressing against his hip and heard him ask if they could go into a stall. 

Phil wanted to, he really did, but he didn’t want his first real experience to be like that. “Can we go somewhere else instead?” he panted.

Mark looked into his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, do you want to come back to my flat?” He smiled and pecked Phil’s lips.

A million thoughts crossed Phil’s mind. Was he willing to let his friends know what he was up to or would it be worse to do the walk of shame in the morning? “Do you have roommates?”

“Just one, but he went home for the weekend. It would just be us.”

“Perfect,” Phil said. “Lead the way then.”

“Alright,” said Mark, giving him just one more kiss before leading him by the hand.

He spotted Sarah dancing with her friends close to the door and waved at her. She raised one eyebrow at him and shook his hand, winking at him but not uttering a single word. Phil smiled at her, and slid the small square packet she had sneakily handed him into his pocket.

The cold January air hit Phil like a brick wall as soon as they left the pub, but they were thankfully able to catch a taxi fairly quickly. The ride itself was a bit of a flash in his mind, partially because of how tipsy he was and also the fact that Mark was pressing the heel of his hand on his crotch through his jeans, slowly edging him towards madness.

By the time they got to their destination Phil was trying his best not to pant or whine but he was barely holding it in. Having to actually open the door and walk up the stairs was a sobering moment though - nerve wracking even, most of his boldness gone despite still feeling aroused.

Mark saw his hesitation and offered his hand to him. “Come in, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Phil smiled and nodded. That was all the reassurance he needed. He let Mark guide him to the bedroom, where he turned on the light and gently pressed him against the door.

“May I kiss you again?” Mark asked, his voice low, his lips nearly on Phil’s already.

Phil nodded and smiled, happily surprised at the change of pace. The soft kiss Mark placed on his lips liquified his insides even more than the heavy make out from the bar. This time, he let out a loud moan without even meaning to, blushing at how desperate he sounded. He let Mark guide him, resting his arms on the blonde’s shoulders and playing with his surprisingly soft hair.

When Mark finally broke the kiss, Phil chased his lips, causing him to laugh and give him a quick peck. “This is your first time, right?”

“I -” Phil’s eyes widened. 

“It’s alright,” Mark whispered. “I just want to know, to be extra careful and to make it special for you.”

Phil blinked repeatedly. “T-thank you.”

He shook his head, with a small smile. “So what do you want to do?”

“I- I don’t know,” Phil mumbled.

“You can tell me,” Mark reassured him.

“No, I know,” Phil admitted, a little frustrated with himself. “I just - I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to suggest something then?”

“Please,” Phil said. 

“May I?” Mark asked, running his fingers over Phil’s zipper.

Phil paused for a second but realised that he actually trusted Mark and liked how things were going so far, so he pecked Mark’s lips and breathed out a quiet “Yeah.”

Before Phil could even comprehend what was happening, Mark was on his knees, unzipping his jeans and wrapping one hand around his cock, his hot breath ghosting over it. “Fuck, I knew you would be massive,” Mark said. “I need to blow you, is that ok?”

Phil nodded so fast he got a little dizzy. 

“Wait, let’s get to bed first,” Mark said, standing up already.

Phil shuffled awkwardly with his jeans down to his knees and lay down on the bed, watching as Mark removed his jeans and underwear before realising he should be doing the same and following suit.

“You’re gorgeous,” Mark mumbled as he crawled onto the bed and hovered over him, kissing him a bit deeper this time, using just a hint of tongue, making Phil feel like every single muscle in his body was on fire. Before long, Phil was panting and getting a bit too close to the edge which Mark must have noticed. “Shhhh, only a little longer,” he whispered, biting his neck gently and moving down his body, dropping kisses along the way. It made Phil a bit proud to see the hunger in Mark’s eyes when he looked at his cock, but his thoughts couldn’t linger for long once Mark pressed his tongue flat against his shaft and dragged it from root to tip slowly yet firmly. When he finally wrapped one hand around it and tongued his cockhead, all Phil could do was bury his fingers in the blonde’s hair and let out a hiss. 

It was glorious. It was the best thing that had ever happened to anyone in the history of the world, Phil was sure of it. All his life had been leading to that moment, to Mark wrapping his lips around him and bobbing his head, sucking him off like there was no tomorrow. He could only imagine how pathetic he sounded but he couldn’t be too sure, his ears had stopped working at some point, his eyes though, they had caught the exact moment Mark had swallowed his cum.

Fuck, Phil wanted to do it again and again. Even though he had never done that before, he knew then that he had found his calling. He had been born for sex.

Mark fell at his side, fisting his cock furiously for a second before Phil turned to him, pulling him into a kiss and swatting his hand away to replace it with his own. It was exhilarating to hear Mark panting and almost whining into the kiss with every stroke until he came all over their stomachs, his body shaking with the force or his orgasm. 

They cuddled for a bit in silence, sharing soft kisses and smiling like crazy. Phil hadn’t known what to expect but the night had already exceeded his expectations. Then, Mark noticed that Phil was getting hard again.

“Hey, Phil. How much did you want to do tonight?”

“I don’t know. Why? What do you want?”

“You can say no, of course, but…”

Phil’s stomach was twisting into knots with anticipation. “What?”

“I want to ride you.”

Phil’s mouth fell open.

“Don’t be so shocked!” Mark giggled.

“I thought you were a top,” Phil said before slapping his hand on his lips. “I mean-”

“It’s fine. I am vers. I mostly top but I just need you inside me, you look so good!” Mark said. “If you want to, of course!” he rushed to add.

“I want to,” Phil said and kissed him, letting his hands wander all over Mark until he got too close to his ass.

“Uh- uh. You stay right here, I’ll be back in a few,” Mark said.

Phil nodded and let him go, following his retreating form with his eyes. Mark had a nice ass, actually. 

By the time he made it back, Phil was mostly soft and almost falling asleep but Mark straddled him without hesitation. 

Phil blinked, smiling as he rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes. “Hey,” he whispered.

Mark leaned down and kissed him, licking and biting at his lips. “Missed me?” he asked, grinding on him just right, making his blood start to rush south once again.

“I was falling asleep, actually,” Phil admitted with a wink.

“Tsk tsk, we can’t have that,” Mark said and opened his bedside drawer to pull a lube bottle.

“I have a condom. It’s in my jeans.”

“Smart boy. Don’t worry, I have some too. You keep that one for next time.”

Phil smiled. His mind hadn’t thought that far ahead, but he liked the sound of that. “Ok!”

“Now, pay attention,” Mark said. “You put lube on your dick, just a bit, and you press the tip of the condom like so, that’s very important! and roll it down. If it rolls back up, you put it the wrong way around. And try not to do that, it hurts.” Mark rolled the condom carefully onto Phil’s cock. “Now you put more lube on the outside and that’s it.”

“Why do you have to press on the tip?”

“So it doesn’t have air inside and the cum has a place to go to. It could break otherwise.”

“Don’t you need lube as well?”

“Of course, but I took care of that already.”

“In the bathroom?” Phil asked.

Mark nodded.

“Aw, but I wanted to do it.”

Mark raised an eyebrow at him. “You wanted to finger me?”

“Yeah,” Phil said, feeling the blush creeping into his cheeks but still smiling.

“Alright, suit yourself for a bit.” Mark lay shifted until he was only partially on top of Phil, throwing one leg over his hip and kissed him as he guided Phil’s hand to his back.

Phil took the initiative this time, pressing their lips together, trying to lead just like Mark had done before, using his tongue gently at first, angling his face to deepen the kiss as his fingers slowly caressed Mark’s hole, feeling the lube seep out of him already, feeling him shiver as he pressed in very lightly.

He remembered how much lube Mark had used on him and swatted around the bed for a bit until he found the bottle, popping the cap open and adding some to his fingers just in case. Mark hissed when Phil finally pressed a single finger inside, which worried him, making him freeze.

“Did I-?”

Mark shook his head. “Cold. You are supposed to rub it between your fingers to warm it up first. It’s ok.”

“Sorry,” Phil said.

Mark buried his fingers into Phil’s hair and pulled him into a heated kiss, starting to move his hips, rubbing his cock against Phil’s hip bone.

Encouraged by this, Phil moved his finger inside and out and found no resistance so he added another and another soon after. The room was smouldering, Phil couldn’t hear anything other than their laboured breaths as they moved together, aided by the thin layer of sweat covering them.

Then, everything came to a stop. “Wait,” said Mark, trying to catch his breath. Phil stilled immediately. “I don’t want to come like this, remember?”

“Ok,” Phil said and pulled his fingers out ever so gently. 

Mark smiled at him and straddled him. He took a few deep breaths before grabbing Phil’s cock and sliding down on it, the smile on his lips widening as he went down, a small sigh escaping his lips when he bottomed out. 

Would it be too early to say that Phil was in love?

Every muscle in his body was tensing in an effort to avoid coming on the spot. The pause Mark took was a godsend to help him relax a bit until they were ready to begin. 

Mark pressed his hands on Phil’s chest a bit, his brow burrowed into a frown as he pulled himself up and down, gently rolling his hips and doing it all over again a few times until he found it. He moaned and spread his knees further apart, lifting his hips and dropping onto Phil’s cock as hard as he could trying to find the same angle. All Phil could do was hold onto Mark’s waist and help him sink even deeper, faster, harder, as moans fell from their lips.

Maybe they weren’t even moaning anymore, maybe they were screaming, he honestly couldn’t tell, but when Mark begged him to help him come, Phil didn’t hesitate. He held Mark firmly in place as he fisted his cock in a blur, making him twitch and come all over him. The pressure around him and the sight before his eyes were all Phil needed to join him two thrusts later.

Mark smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Stay,” he whispered before rolling to the side, laying his head on Phil’s chest and promptly falling asleep before Phil could even answer. 

“Ok,” Phil mumbled with a smile.

---

Phil woke up to the smell of toast and coffee, slowly opening his eyes and frowning at the amount of light coming through his window until… until he realised that it was not his window, nor his bedroom. He sat up so fast his blood pressure dropped immediately. Where was he? What…? He pressed his hand to his forehead and tried to think about the previous night. He had gone to the pub with his friends and then… Mark. Phil looked down, lifting the sheet he didn’t remember pulling over himself and saw that he was still naked. Right.

He took a moment to assess how he felt about everything that had transpired between them and found that he had no regrets. They’d had their fun and he remembered Mark even hinting at a future date. He liked the sound of that. 

“Aw, you’re awake! I wanted to surprise you with breakfast!” Mark said from the bedroom door. He was wearing a white apron with pink love hearts… in fact it looked like he was only wearing the apron.

“Would it make you happy if I said that I’m still surprised?”

“Yes, immensely,” Mark smiled.

Phil couldn’t help but smile back. “Well, I am.”

“Scooch over so that we can have breakfast in bed - and drink the water I left for you,” Mark said, pointing at the glass on the nightstand. “How is your stomach feeling?”

“Hmm,” Phil made space for Mark, sitting back against the headboard and considered it his reply as he drank water slowly. “It’s fine, I think.”

“Alright, you should eat slowly. Start with the toast just in case,” Mark said as he climbed into bed, and sat sideways, resting his back against the wall.

Phil set the glass back on the nightstand, coming to sit at Mark’s side and resting his back against the wall as well, and grabbed a piece of toast. It was perfect, just the perfect golden colour and texture. Maybe it was his empty stomach talking, but he thought it was the best toast he’d ever had. “Hmm, thank you. This is amazing.”

“It’s just toast,” Mark smirked.

“Still, you didn’t have to do this,” Phil said, nudging Mark’s side.

“I wanted to,” Mark said, biting into his own toast.

Phil cocked his head and smiled. Mark was just so… beautiful - and sexy. Maybe he shouldn’t be asking yet, but they had crossed some boundaries, it was only fair to clear the air. “Did you really mean it when you said there would be a next time?”

“I did - but I want to be very honest with you.”

Phil’s face fell. “Oh-”

“No, don’t look so crushed yet. Hear me out, please,” Mark said. “I just came out of a long relationship and it was pretty bad, I don’t think I want anything serious at the moment. I’m not sure I will want it in the future either, but I like you and I would love to see you again, no strings attached.”

“So… just for sex,” Phil mumbled. Part of him wanted to say yes but he also wanted a boyfriend.

“No, not just sex. You know, like last night, we had sex, yes, but you stayed, we had fun and I made you breakfast. I would also like to hang out if you wanted to. Like friends with benefits.”

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” Phil pleaded.

“I do. I can take you on dates, we can chat, we can have our fun, just - no labels. And you could see other people, of course. Just be careful with STDs.”

“I don’t know,” Phil said, leaving his toast on the plate. “I don’t know if I can keep my feelings in check.”

“You can think about it and text me if you’re interested.” Mark grabbed his phone from under the pillow and typed something before putting it back. “And it wouldn’t be a no feelings situation, just no falling in love.”

Phil took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Alright. I should get going,” he said, getting up and picking his clothes from the floor.

“You don’t have to leave yet,” Mark said, sounding small. “I’m sorry I ruined the mood.”

Phil pulled his jeans on and turned to him shaking his head. “It’s not you. You did nothing wrong, I just - wanted a boyfriend, someone who cares about me.”

“I see,” Mark said, pulling his knees to his chest. “I hope that you find what you’re looking for. You seem like a nice guy.”

“Thanks. You too, Mark,” Phil said, attempting a smile. 

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” He sounded hopeful.

“Yeah, maybe,” Phil said, pulling on his T-shirt and walking out of the room and the flat as fast as he could without running. When he tried to open the building door, he found that it was locked and cursed himself until he heard it buzz. Mark must have realised that he needed to be let out. 

Phil’s head was pounding and he didn’t know if it was due to the alcohol or what Mark said. He made it two blocks before realising he didn’t exactly know where he was or where he was going. He pulled his phone out to text Sarah but found that he had messages already. 

“Hey, it’s mark, save my number :)” He must have sent that while they were talking.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“Your nearest tube stop is 3 blocks to the left.” 

“Please let me know when you made it home safe even if you don’t want to talk anymore.”

Right, Phil smiled, he just needed to keep going. It was sweet of Mark to care about him even after he left like that. By the time Phil made it back to the dorm and got into bed he was already doubting himself. Would it be so bad to have someone he trusted to have sex and hang out? Mark seemed like a good person. He hadn’t tried to string him along with lies and he had been caring too.

“Hey, made it home safe. Thanks”

“Glad to hear that. Don’t forget to eat something.”

“K dad. Hey Mark?”

“Yeah son?”

“I think I would like to be friends with benefits.”

“I would like that, but I don’t want to pressure you into anything. Why don’t we hang out next week and see how it goes? If it happens it happens and if not we can just be friends.”

“Sounds like a plan. We could celebrate my birthday.”

“When is it?”

“Today!”

“What? We HAVE to do something. I guess you want to spend the day with your friends but this week for sure.”

Phil thought about it for a minute and decided that it was worth a shot. “Actually there’s a small party at my dorm tonight if you want to come,” he lied. Well, the guys never needed an excuse to drink.

“Sure, text me the address.”

---

Phil spent most of the day replying to texts, tweets and MySpace messages from his friends and random internet people. He even got a call from Dan that lasted like three hours. Phil was tempted to tell Dan about Mark but what would he say? He was not about to let his younger friend know that he had had sex or that he was gay for that matter. He didn’t want to hide either, but some things were better left unsaid for the time being. 

When Dan asked if he could follow his other socials, Phil decided that it was a good enough way to let the information slip. It said bisexual right on his MySpace profile and even though it wasn’t the entire truth, it was enough. If Dan wanted to freak out about it, he could.

Their conversation was cut short when the doorbell rang and Phil had to go help with the shop. The guys had gone above and beyond. Well, above and beyond what they usually did, which was buying cheap alcohol and some crisps. This time they had gone for mid range bottles and also a rainbow unicorn cake.

Looking at the time with increasing nerves, he helped Sarah put everything away and took a brisk shower. There was no way he was going to let Mark see him with bad hair and he was also still kind of sweaty from the previous night, which was not ideal. He needed to at least look presentable.

Just as he was getting to the finishing touches of the look Anja had suggested over MSN, the doorbell rang again and Sarah squealed, running to the door to let Mark in while Phil put some eyeliner real quick and smudged it with his finger. For once, he liked what he saw in the mirror, his black skinny jeans and bright purple T-shirt really complimented his black hair. He sprayed some deodorant and perfume and walked out to the common area to greet his guest.

Mark turned around and flashed him a wide open smile, Phil could have almost sworn that his blue eyes were shining. “Hey, birthday boy,” Mark said.

“Hey, thanks for coming.” Phil smiled back.

“Peter, come help take everything to the coffee table,” Sarah said, adding a murmured a “and stop staring at them,” that made Phil snort.

“What? What am I taking?” Peter asked.

“Grab the snacks, I can’t trust you with the bottles. When you’re done take the glasses too.”

Peter groaned but helped anyway.

“Hey… Mark?” Callan asked from his spot on the big sofa.

Mark turned towards him.

“Come sit with us,” he said. 

Jimmy smiled and patted the place between him and Callan.

“Alright, thanks,” Mark said, a bit awkwardly. And Phil had to smile at how much of an effort everyone was making for his birthday. His roommates knew there was something between him and Mark and were trying to be very cool about it, while also acting a bit like worried parents meeting their kid’s boyfriend for the first time. Mark was trying very hard to pretend he didn’t notice it and seemed genuinely amused with the entire situation.

In only a few minutes, they had all plopped around the small room, some on chairs, upside down buckets or the floor. It came to Phil’s attention that Mark fit perfectly into his friend group, even if he was a bit older and was probably over the confined spaces of uni dorms and just drinking for the sake of it. He didn’t complain for a second. In fact, he beat them all at Scrabble but his real talent was charades, especially given that everyone was a bit drunk by then. 

Few things had made Phil as proud as guessing Mark’s charade. At first he was acting mysterious with his hands shaped into a gun, maybe passing ropes? Jumping? But the moment Mark put his hands up in a surrendering fashion and dropped flat to the floor stiff as a board, Phil knew exactly what it was. “Mission impossible!” he yelled and the others groaned. They had obliterated the entire group, just the two of them - together.

After cutting the cake and a few Buffy episodes, the night started to die down. Not so much for Phil, who was very aware of the casual touches Mark gave him, of the heat coming off him, of their thighs pressing tightly together and the fact that he had started giving Phil non alcoholic drinks halfway through the party.

Callan and Jimmy were the last to go to bed, letting Mark know that he could come at any time. Phil almost dived out the window when Jimmy winked at them and told them to have fun, but Mark was not fazed by it, just throwing an “I will” his way. 

He turned towards Phil and pressed a soft kiss to his lips as soon as they were alone. “Do you share your room with anyone?”

“No, it’s very tiny, but it’s just me,” Phil said, now feeling a bit insecure about his room.

“We just need a bed - if that’s what you want.”

Phil stood and extended his hand towards Mark, leading him down the hall without a word. Once they were behind closed doors, Phil turned around and kissed Mark, really kissed him. Without even turning the light on, he shuffled them towards the bed, only stopping once he felt the wood pressed against the back of his thighs. Mark’s hands were all over him, pulling at his clothes, helping him undress between kisses. They giggled at the awkward and complicated task of removing their skinnys aided only by the street light coming through the blinds.

Soon, Phil found himself pressed into his mattress, without a care in the world or a thought on his mind as Mark prepped him with so much lube he thought he was going to drown and pressed into him. It was tight and deep and hot and Phil felt sexy and dirty all at the same time. He felt like a sinner, not in a shameful way, just - like this was worth going to hell for. He was in love with sex, and himself, and maybe even Mark, even if Mark didn’t want that. He would deal with it. He just needed to fuck, forever.

As lay resting his head on Mark’s chest and his eyes started to fall shut, the last thought to cross his mind was that he hoped he hadn’t been too loud or his friends would never let him live it down.