#the situation didnt make me want to kms by the way but like . lets just say some actual triggering shit happened to me

[peachiseas]

Also, I genuinely want to thank everyone for sticking with me throughout everything that happened last month 😭 yall are some real ones fr

[tojigasm]

Hey uhm.. I know this is really fucking random, but like me and bestfriends relationship is kinda toxic. Sometimes I would text her and she would tell me to shut up or leave me on seen. And when I make fun of of her (jokingly) she tells me to kms and calls me whore, I know she's just joking around but like she has pulled a prank on me twice that she was leaving me and it has got me stressed and anxious, like everytime she texts me I get really scared. I really don't want to let her go and I cry a lot when thinking about it because me and her have been bestfriends for 11 months now. I feel hopeless. And I really don't know what to do. Like I'm soooo fucking stressed out about her and what gets me confused is that she didnt act like this at all when we were 9 months into our relationship. Sorry if I disturbed you hope you have a good day/good night <3

Hmmm that sounds really stressful anon, im sorry to hear you're going through this. I've been in similar situations and I understand your conflict with not wanting to ruin your friendship because of having so much history together but id say talk to her. (Sorry I kinda go on a rant here)

But be honest with her and maybe write out your feelings and everything you want to say. Let her know that your feelings are hurt because you don't deserve to be treated that way or feel that way at all. If she makes no change in her behavior or doesn't seem to care then tell her you're not comfortable being friends with her anymore. It'll hurt for a while but as someone who's ended friendships that have lasted in pre-school because of similar issues, its in your best interest. Its far more beneficial for you to meet new people who'll actually value your feelings to make new memories with rather than someone you're holding onto that doesn't. I'm really sorry you're going through all that and I only hope it gets better, seeing you hugs and kisses <3

[ambitionsofcandlewax]

suicide talk, vent//

my closest friend literally just made a joke in passing ab how they tried to kill themself a few nights ago why is this always happening (not that im blaming/shaming them for it of course) but its always like yeah lol i tried to kms again lmao and they never tell me anything about it and it just feels like so weird the way theyre handling it like maybe dont send me screenshots of your search history where its all different searches for how to kill yourself and say somethings wrong. it feels so manipulative because if i ask whats wrong i get "its nothing lol just a joke" or they get mad and i have to apologize. on top of that, in the gc this happened in (me, the friend, and another person) they joked about it and the other friend was like referencing some inside joke they had from the night it happened? and i was just there like "what?? what are you ok?" why the fuck would u tell someone like them before me and expect me to laugh along like even if it was funny i dont get the joke? i feel so selfish for being so pissed off when they literally tried to off themself but maybe if theyd stop using their mental illness to manipulate me all the time i would know how im supposed to be handling this situation. "oh, did we ever tell montag about that?" no of course not because i dont joke about it i wanna make sure theyre okay first. so yeah go to the one whos just gonna make jokes about it with you before whos supposed to be your best friend youll never find support from them you never have. "ik what its about" well i dont and i dont find it funny i just wanna know that my friend is okay without being made to seem like im being jealous that i wasnt told. i dont care if you told him before me i want to know that youre ok what the fuck do you mean "fyi i didnt tell him before you". clearly you did if theres an inside joke? just let me help you you know thats all im good for thats the only reason im kept around, i listen to your issues but dont talk about my own (i run a yandere blog for fucks sake obviously no one listens to my issues) i just am so tired of giving and giving and giving but never getting so much as a thank you in return. im being shamed for trying to help and being made to seem like im jealous. "thats the last time, then, that ill try to help them" i say the same shit every time until it happens again and im bending over backwards to make things as right as i can when its clearly not wanted. im so fucking tired. IM WORRIED FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW, IM ON THE VERGE OF A PANIC ATTACK BUT YOURE TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD UPSET ABOUT NOT GETTING A TOY. CAN WE HAVE A SERIOUS DISCUSSION FOR ONCE YOU JUST TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF. I UNDERSTAND HUMOR AS A COPING MECHANISM BUT YOU NEED TO BALANCE THAT IM TRYING TO HELP YOU, YOU ASK ME FOR HELP BUT DONT ACCEPT IT, GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO SAY "I NEED HELP" IN EVERY WAY BUT DIRECTLY SAYING IT BUT THEN GET BITCHY WITH ME FOR WORRYING ABOUT YOU. again i obviously dont blame them for what happened but im so upset that im the fucking villain in this situation and its worded so messily here so u cant even tell anything actually happened because this is so all over the place but im just so done being treated the way i am for simply being worried about someone

[denki-kami-lightning]

Dabihawks writing shit

Hawks’ writing guide:

https://waxwingedhawks.tumblr.com/post/185881407778/guide-to-writing-hawks (Go follow @waxwingedhawks)

and a few things I want to add: 

1: As ive said before, Hawks’ food addiction is probably just his coping mechanism. Stress eating, yknow? I mean think about all the stress this poor boy is under. he has to find some way to deal with it, and it doesnt take a genius to see that way is food.

2: how long it takes for his wings to grow back. Just a convenient reminder. To quote the wiki, “When he uses all his feathers, it takes at least two days to grow back entirely, which can be a considerable weakness.”

3: Just how fast he can go; “By his own admission, Hawks' strong side isn't strength but his phenomenal speed. He was able to reach Endeavor's attackers from the top of a skyscraper, in the blink of an eye (0,5 s) which makes 375 - 400 km/h (233 - 248 m/h) and he did not even seem trying, which implies that he can go faster. Hawks solves most fights so rapidly that his sidekicks can't keep up with him so he usually just leaves the aftermaths of his battles to them, while he rushes to the next case.”

4: This handy little trick that I havent seen in many fics: “Vocal Espionage: Hawks is able to use one of his feathers to distinguish sounds from the minute it changes in the air, allowing him to decode conversations and vocal information from sensing the vibrations. Especially after leaving the room or increasing the distance, this technique makes him a dangerous spy.”

5: The fact that he’s actually a little baby “Hawks holds the record for the youngest Pro Hero, as well as the fastest for a Pro Hero to become one of the top 10 Pro Heroes on the Hero billboard chart Japan.”

6: The fact that his nickname is LITERALLY PRECIOUS MAN

7: He never attended U.A and some of yall forget this

8: He’s actually a very complex character, and he knows his death is coming, so dont forget to write that. https://linkspooky.tumblr.com/post/188365405175/when-the-cherry-blossoms-fall (Follow @linkspooky too)

9: My personal {Educated} headcanon; He can’t really handle too much loud noise, so he wears those headphones.

10: My other headcanon: Hawks is kinda adhd.

and theres no guide for Dabi yet, so ill make one for you:

1: Dabi is very aloof, casually confident and kinda emotionless at times. So you really have to write him like he doesn’t give a rats ass about anything... Except for Endeavor. Anytime Endeavor or any real mention of family is part of the situation, Dabi is always mad and unhinged (At least that’s what I’ve observed from the Manga).

2: Dabi is actually kinda useless:

 https://echodrops.tumblr.com/post/177149516011/is-dabi-just-terrible-at-being-a-villain (Go follow @echodrops)

3: You still have to remember that he’s a villain, and that he enjoys playing that role. In the wiki it says that “Despite his usual expressionless behavior, Dabi finds joy in establishing himself as a villain fighting against what he believes to be false heroes. He takes pleasure in taunting heroic figures, students, and Pro Heroes alike. He even takes sadistic pleasure from the pain he inflicts on others, including the people he's murdered.”

4: His intelligence level varies a lot. The wiki tends to portray him as some kind of manipulative genius, while his stats are pretty low. So I guess that’s up to you

5: He still shares Stain’s ideology, and probably looks up to his image as some kind of vague guideline. I’ve seen so many people forget this when writing fanfictions and it kills meee

6: Touya ‘died’ while he was in middle school, so he would’ve been about 13-15 years old. {Still a baby} Also, it’s been noted that this happened shortly after Rei was admitted to the mental hospital.

7: Dabi is slim and sickly. So maybe you should have other people take notice.

8: POINT OUT HIS FIGHTING POSTURE. I cant stress enough how much i love when people write this. he has the same fighting motions as Shoto, and you shouldnt be afraid to have other characters notice.

9: This is just a popular headcanon, but almost everyone seems to agree that Dabis hands are cold. {Got it from his mom obviously}

10: Dabi’s nerves are absolutely obliterated under his scars, so he cant feel anything. Pain or soft touches.

_______________________________________________________________________

Ok now that that’s out of the way, lets focus on the Dabihawks aspect of this;

1: Unless you’re skipping the getting together part of their relationship, you need to start with its roots, which to quote the wiki “It is unknown if Dabi sees through Hawks’ lies, but it's hinted that he's still observing him. Their relationship is mocking, dishonest and resembles a constant power struggle. As far as is known, Dabi is the only villain who may suspect Hawks of being a double-agent.” So dont forget that they didnt get along at first.

2: If Dabi finds out tha Hawks is a double agent, it can go a bunch of different ways. He can get mad and feel betrayed {Angsty, and also kinda overdone}, He can cut off contact without much warning {His feelings can be up to you}, He can be a bit surprised{Or not} and be ok with it {Haven’t seen this one done yet}, or my personal favorite He can just kinda be like obviously and just string him along, giving him false information {Imagine Hawks feeling betrayed by the man he was supposed to be betraying. Like the tables were switched the whole time or something. Ironic right?}

3: If youre writing smut, I think its been made pretty clear that Dabi has some kind of pain kink. {Sorry Hawks}

4: This ones kind of just a writing tip in general, but i like seeing other characters thrown in too. Not just the main ship, you know? I’m pretty sure it isn’t just me either.

5: The height difference isn’t that big. {Sad I know.} Hes only really about an inch taller than Hawks {Making him the shortest Todoroki son.}

6: If you’re writing smut Dabi would probably play with Hawks’ feathers i.e gently{Or not. Up to you} Biting them, licking them, or whispering into them.

7: Their names:

https://griffinmcelroyspisskink.tumblr.com/post/187357377193/with-dabi-it-almost-is-a-form-of-power-that-we                                                                  (Last one go follow @griffinmcelroyspisskink)

[sharing-tangerines]

Stranger Things 3 Thoughts pt. 2

Ep 4-8 LONG NOTES

• Max gives no shits this season and I'm loving it

• Nancy and Jonathon are having two very different argument. Its one argument but they're talking about different things and that's fascinating

• Michael that is the most lackluster plan in the world

• Is Karen attempting to be a good mom again? Wooaaahhhh

• Steve Harrington and your button pressing habits I love u

• You are my daaaaaad! You're my dad! Boogiewoogiewoogie

• Wow dacre is really killing it this season all the applause to u sir

• WOAH WTF

• That's some true love shit right there romance is dead but also kinda not

• "YEAH IM GREAT NOW THST I KNOW THAT THE RUSSIANS INVENTED ELEVATORS"

• That one guy looks like Russian terminator

• MURRAY IS BACK

• Steve u cant keep getting into fights

• Hey look he actually won a fight

• When did lucas become such an expert on dating

• Seriously is it like that w all guys like they act clueless one moment and then the next they know exactly how the female mind works?

• Thank god I have a girlfriend

• Eleven sits like a gay ohmygod

• Is the rest of the hospital just fine while these 2 floore are fucked up?

• Monster killing couple damn

• Dustin is kind of a big mood

• Nancy isn't having the greatest time like it's been an awful like 3 days for her

• LET MAX SAY FUCK

• Does dustin watch my little pony

• Stop punching steve hes young and kinda weak I love u

• Hes lost his mind

• DID MIKE JUST DROP THE I LOVE HER BOMB IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT ABOUT FEMINISM AND WOMENS PERSONAL AGENCY

• Alexei kinda looks like a copy of a copy of a copy of like mark Ruffalo

• Erica just playing w a weapon is a mood

• Is Robin's backstory literally just the fact that she was a loser bit she wanted to be popular

• Wait u guys were in rolling chairs you could've just rolled

• That slow mo shot of millie falling in the void is great that shit is breathtaking

• They're so high on this truth drug its hilarious

• R they trying to make me sympathize w billy like yeah hes gone through some traumatic shit but that doesnt excuse the fact that hes not good

• Billy and all the people being the bad guys is so much scarier than a random faceless monster it's great

• Oh holly talks now ok

• Did she talk last season I dont remember?

• Wow fireworks back before everyone was so worried about everything setting on fire

• [Ominous synth music]

• In a reverse turn of events, dustin and erica are the parents instead of robin and steve

• Does steve do marijuana

• How did u board everything up fast enough bc the monster was literally right there

• I'm glad that Lucas is using a weapon other than the fucki g slingshot

• Hey wheres Kali like not that she'd be helpful in this situation but like where is she

• OH MY FUCKING GOD MURRAY

• I'm glad mike has come to this realization by himself

• Can the kids setting off fireworks outside of my house stop for a minute pls

• Someone watched john mulaney that's why theres a back to the future thing

• They're on so much drugs

• Why r u in front of the freezers like its aesthetic w the eggo and the neon lights but like why

• R they seriously having an argument over coke

• I xant believe Steve Harrington's been in that stupid scoops ahoy uniform the whole show

• Is Robin a lesbian

• OH MY GOD SHE IS

• THE DUFFERS WERENT PUSSIES RHEY PUT A FUCKING LESBIAN IN THEIR SHOW WOWOWOWOW

• Wow did he perfectly sum of america? Cool

• I'm glad alexei won he deserves it

• I hope nothing bad happens to him

• Oh no

• Its Russian terminator

• WAIT EL GOT BIT IS SHE GONNA BE ONE OF THE FLAYED

• WHY IS THE LAST EPISODE AN HOUR AND SEVENTEEN MINUTES

• Oh that is disgusting why r u guys looking

• Yeah let's get the gang back together!

• STEVE CALLED HIMSELF DADDY

• Hopper and joyce r so done w Murray's bs

• I love this Russian ballad in the background its super good

• I'm sorry I have to say this but if I see that anyone wants to fuck this monster I'm gonna blow my shit

• NANCY GET OUT OF THE WAY

• YES STEVE

• DID U UUST LEAGE MIKE AND MAX AND EL IN THE MALL

• Why r we in Utah

• Oh shit its Suzie! Shes real!

• Suzie and Dustin r so pure but eye rhe fuck do they have a musical number what nerds

• This is not the time guys

• Hey el honey u ain't looking so good

• Oh my god Billy's beating the shit out of these kids goddammit

• R u like sacrificing her holy shit

• Flinging fireworks on an enclosed space is v v dangerous wtf guys

• Visuals r fucking stunning

• Oh shit ethos pathos logos were going for logos right now

• Oh Russian terminator is actually human

• These kids r gonna give me a heart attack man

• OH SHIT BILLYS HELPING

• ITS TAKING HIM OHMYGOD

• IS HOPPER GONNA DIE

• oh Billy's dead

• OH MY GOD THEY KILLED HOPPER

• Oh shit no max dont cry pls font cry or km gonna cry

• Why would they kill hopper jopper was supposed to be endgame wtf

• Where tf r the byers moving to

• Lucas and max are That couple

• Where is el moving to now like hopper is kinda dead

• Does she not have her powers anymore

• OH SHES MOVING W WILL

• [Emotional synth music playing]

• I'm gonna cry

• Will looking at Mike while hes crying goddammit that's not straight behavior

• IM CRYING

As much. as I kinda like byler, mileven is fucking cute and I'm fly sad they're being separated

• Fuck and I love this song too stop

• Huh they didnt mess up the Byers house this year

• They just emptied it

[unproduciblesmackdown]

its just wild idk how to say the experience of just like...it being a wholeass fixture in your life that you’re gonna off urself...i guess in earlier times (almost been aware of being suicidal for a whole decade babes) it was also that i just...like assumed that my future was gonna involve some whole disaster that was going to wreck the whole damn thing idk. like i always knew i didnt have the kinda situation where i had somebody to fall back on no matter what & i did very much know that i had the kinda situation where if it looked like the identity ppl thought i had fell through and it turned out i wasnt thriving in all of this and actually just kinda miserable and on my own, instead of having ppl who would be There For Me No Matter What i had the ppl who would want nothing to do w me except for further beat me down..........so yeah i guess ive been feeling like my future was only Doom since like 12 def...maybe earlier if you look at it idk its like wondering when i was starting being depressed fulltime. probs like age 3 idk

anyhow the point is....hard to explain what its like having the constant sense that you don’t have a future thats good & in your control & something you want, or that even exists right. like sometimes i imagine thinking abt the future in the ways that other ppl might, in the way that you assume you’ve got a good while and that there’s things you’ll get to do that you like or you’ll pursue your ambitions or whatever and its weird i think about it for like 3.3 sec and its like tf.........its like when you get some kinda Aroma Memory where your brain remembers that smell from 18.6 yrs ago & you have a 0.62second window to try to think of where its from while you have some fleeting visual/emotive memory.......sometimes i’ll just have some kinda emotional echo from a less depressed life and its like ?????? havent had this feeling in this exact way for a minute. its weird its like lol this doesnt belong to me anymore..

anyways for another solid like.....6-7 yrs its been kind of “i’ll be surprised if i make it another yr alive” with various ups & downs in that level of surprise along the way.....more like a Down lately lmao its wild how impossible it seems to make it a few more days or weeks when youre having a worse day than usual, having an on avg Worse period that lasts for months & months and etc is just....wild baby. if you havent felt it for even a day its not something you can really imagine. if u know what its like to feel like ur gonna die for a longterm period then you know what it is..

like always, maybe this is my year baby!!! in terms of death. if im thinking abt maybe this is the year i suddenly Succeed on all fronts and i never again have to think about kms, then that’ll be a struck-by-lighting, same-shuffled-card-deck-order twice in a row, sheer chance out of nowhere. your life isnt steered towards goodness because you’re good enough or Only As Much As You Can Handle or anything and ive been too deep in it this whole time to have ever been set up to not get the rug pulled out from under me several times over and yknow once you fall down even once, unless you’re really solidly backed up, the odds arent in your favor about not getting continuously run over the rest of the time. wind isn’t really at ur back there.

like im so glad abt every person ive run into who ive had in my life for more than like 5 hrs and im lucky that i was at least born recently enough to have had the internet/texting mostly regularly from 14 y.o. onward.....if i didnt im sure i wouldve been......even so much more isolated than i was. l o l . . . . ive got to feel like some ppl care abt me which is nice and didnt happen too much before then. its also good i draw lmao coz besides for the most part thats how i talk the best & how i get in touch w most of the ppl who end up sticking around enough i talk to more than like a couple of times.....but tho of course ive never like, found arbitrary success in terms of either my own solo financial boon to transcend any and all problems or ever just like bonding w a bunch of ppl like ride or die for life baby. coz like.....why would i do either. if you werent born into financial stability, let alone wealth, and if you didnt just happen to pick up these deep unshakeable relationships along the way at times when it didnt really matter.....good luck picking those things up further along the way when stuffs even shittier. i may’ve been lucky w the internet/texting timing but i wasnt lucky w the financial crisis hit or really just being born after the 80s, economy wise......or lucky w being isolated socially since age 4 and always having to feel distanced from ppl coz i could sense the difference & stigma of being someone abused & miserable before i was even really that self aware of the extent of those things about me.........oh well. coz again w the internet and me happening to draw enough prior to age 14 that i was always considered “good” at it, and then finding that i like to draw fanart for myself lol....so i could at least connect w ppl some ways right. or via text posts sometimes lmao....and im lucky that the ‘net / having a phone gave me a medium for those things & being connected to some ppl. and im lucky im gay & not cis & got to figure that out & enjoy it coz thats the best thing abt me.......

anyways even if say life was perfect for me magically i still wouldnt be able to relate to seeing yourself pursue your ambitions coz like i always say...ive never really had those lmao. wasnt able to baby.....its like there’s always that idea that ppl whose life is defined by Survival, who’ve been exposed to trauma &/or abused, that if you drop them into a safe stable situation w/friends and all and whatever then suddenly they’ll be a “regular” person, like there’s some inherent core of everyone where they Know what its like to get to live in a healthy environment w a certain perspective on other ppl & how they’ll treat you, and if you just remove someone from bs they’ll just shift over to that Default that is like oh lol yeah im like everybody else. like nah its a whole different kind of world / life you’ve not even necessarily adapted to, maybe its what you grew in. and you can adapt to a better life & grow further in that but its not a matter of like “washing away” what came before....it can be an entirely separate thing. like if you haven’t experienced it you cant imagine it. i cant give someone a real sense of what its like to grow up within & live in an abusive place for decades. and i can’t guess who i would be if i’d grown up / lived in a completely different, better situation. coz thats a whole fundamental change from the start. it’d be such a different person that it wouldn’t even make sense to call it an alternate version of “me.”

well anyways i always feel like i’m bound to kms & that bad things are impending sooner than later & when they happen i’ll get a new set of incoming bad shit to feel bearing down & etc & i dont have things i want except a cessation of living under dread & feeling like my existence is in the way & theres ppl around i gotta be on my guard for & i’m only gonna kms eventually here, theres a long lifespan & for being to off yourself at any given time, also im jealous of ppl who’ve had a nicely sized friend group where they’ve always been able to hang out w one person at least whenever they wanted to / needed to. at least i’m gay, baby. i honestly do feel like that tweet where its like i cant kill myself b/c what if im a straight guy in my next life? @ god i cant do it. like lmao for real though......in my past life maybe i was an 80s gay. syke if i have a past life it was probably a cat. maybe a cat of an 80s gay. i can only hope

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

For some time now I’ve been wanting to write, but the words dont come out correctly. I feel I owe it to people who have changed their lives from the stories of other people who read here so I think I can change someone or the thought of some human being that fits in the same situation as me, right?

I don’t understand how love can be absolutely nothing and also can be everything. I really dont understand the meaning and importance of this word, how can something suck everything from a person and be something obsessive and insane? From what I knew about love when I was a naive and immature being, it was supposed to be something that made people better, but I dont think it’s just that. I think that love transforms people and that it is their choice to turn this into a good or a bad thing, the choices of each one is what makes who they are, so with love would be the same, but there comes a point in the situation where you are already so disturbed (you might say so) that chooses what is most convenient.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, idk), I’ve made many wrong choices. First, I chose to let myself go through life and let it heal someone’s pain by putting someone else in the place, but fact number 1: loves are irreplaceable; fact number 2: the second time you lose your soul to someone else >can be< more painful and risky for your sanity and fact number 3: people fall in love mysteriously, it’s quick and imperceptible, can be just looking at someone’s brown eyes and then you climb up to the cloud 9 to be able to plummet too late, when you’re already fucking fucked.

I’ve never been someone to let me go, I’ve always been a cold, calculating person, but I also never been a “quiet” person in my head, so I didnt know how to deal with some situations and ended up running away from them like a fox flees from the hunter, but I always wanted to be a wolf and I decided to deal with the situation in the best possible way, pretending that nothing was happening, but anyone who has ever liked someone unconditionally knows that ANYTHING about that person can hurt you and you can even start collecting pain as Phelps collects medals, you know?

However, I made one more wrong choice and I decided to accept my situation and try to take it in a good, I tried to accept that I would be like anyone else in your life, I tried to accept that it would not make a difference in your life and that loves are irreplaceable but that “any person” can be replaceable, just that at some point you will be tired and exhausted from everything and everyone, of everything that has already happened to you and of everyone that has made you anybody, so I decided to leave him within 400 km of me 225 days ago.

Maybe it was not the best thing to do but I got changes in myself during those seven months away from him, but that went downhill yesterday when I saw him again and today I cultivate the same sentiment that I cultivated a year and a half ago.

Even with all the bad choices and all the rest, I feel that I learned from my mistakes and that the path to a soul at peace is full of holes, some deep and that leave you destroyed, but they are part and that is how it should to be.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Thanks for giving me a chance Charlie, I promise I’ll write to you more often.

All the love as always, gg x

(23.07.2017)

[tales-of-my-eyes-blog]

“Don’t be sealy”...

Still in Denmark. Still rollercoaster. 

We had the verbal presentation of our first group project. Total fail... I should have studied eversince this fuckin school have started, but I just was too busy by forgetting her, doing sports everyday, trying to socialize and stuff... you know, everything but study. But honestly I wasn’t able to do it. There was just no more space to take even care about that too. So I forgot my part and got shamed, for being an idiot. We got a mercy grade just because probably they didnt want to fuck us up straight on the first project, neither to put me in a very bad situation and label me as common enemy. 

Needless to say, once I stepped out of school I had the heaviest 15 second of rain of my life and got hammered totally in no time, but had no choice, than carry on walking on the same route as every day. On my way home the fail made me remember about how fuckin useless I can be and started to think about her just more and more, just after I finally thought its over. In halftime I experienced the heaviest storm in my life. Got home with 5 kilos plus because of my clothers swallowed all water as if it was mandatory... 

At home I chilled for maybe an hour, Started to eat fried bacon and started to befriend with my old friend depression. I wanted to go for run, because yesterday I didnt do, so I didnt want to miss it today too. However my knee hurt and the rain was heavy As fuck. After 30 minutes of doing nothing I decided to just put all my clothes on and go. We wanted to play football today after school, so I took all sport stuff and when I took out of the bag I had to realize, that the universe hates me, as everything was full of water... 

Somehow I decided to leave anyways as I read the groupchat about, ‘fuck it man’’happens to everyone’ and stuff... I left the house with heavy tears...

I couldnt even run a km. I just couldn’t. All the way I was swearing, hate and cry came out of me and I could fuckin burn houses down to the ground with my plain eyes. I decided however to carry on walking until my destination. I was very angry. About her leaving me alone this way. Lied to me. Made me believe. She fucked up me up so hard. I was ready to give all power to the devil to take over on me, just give me enough power to let me kill the whole fuckin human race. I was crying,  My eyes were burning, and I was swearing and cursing a lot. Lots for her. Lots for everyone else. Midway I just realized Im getting cold now, and just want to reach the seashore, so I can piss finally and than shout-out all my pain to the sea.

Once I arrived I sadly experienced, that toilet nowhere even if its signed, but I was happy that there was zero people to notice my rage. So I pissed quickly and turned around. I was wondering in the view for a few seconds when I saw...

I SAW A BABY SEAL! 

The first time ever, I was like “Wtf, man, thats a seal for real?”

I approached him easily and I thought, I can have an easy-going with him. When I first reached-out it turned out to be a not easy-going case. I actually didn’t even know what I wanted. Sure stroking and petting as this is something, that not happens to everonye, on any days, but then after I looked it a bit more suspicious. He seemed tired, hungry, sad and desperate. Also I dont know, wether if he was cold, or something, so I worried about it as well. There were two german women came around and told me, they called the Vet yesterday and the vet said, when the water is too cold, the mothers often take their children out to the seashore, so I didnt do anything, apart from just wondering in it, as he was so cute. But time passed and I still had concerns about his health, when another german came by and asked, since how long he is there. I answered, that is from yesterday as far as I know. So he told me, that the mother wont come back, if it didnt come yet, as they usually abandon them after five-six hours. 

I started to panicing about him, so I took off my sweater and tried to make contact again, as otherwise he bit me all the time. I realized, that maybe If I make him tired, it will be easier. So I did,, when we reached to a point, whenI could cover him with my sweater. Started to stroke him gently and talking to him, to understand, that Im not there for hurting him. A man came by and told me, that he lives just 5 minutes away from here and he will call the fishmuseum for help.

However:

In this five minutes I realized to heavy rain over the sea and started really think about the upcoming problem. Obviously in few seconds not just a simple rain, but a storm of heavy mixture of sand, ice, water and wind came by as strong as shit. I covered his face with my body and in few seconds I just picked him up and took as I didint want to risk his life in his condition. So a big adventure waited for us, as Im living very far away from the seaside. He was so heavy, that after hours I still barely can move my arms. It was a funny way home as people were obviously monitoring us. I had plenty of biting from him, but I tried to talk to him to erase my memory about how heavy he was, how far I was from home. By halfway I already visionised, that this will be my best night ever, but the police stopped me as someone called them about the situation. I was happy, they could took to the local shelter, but I was sad about leaving him. 

On my way home I was thinking, wether if I did the right decision by taking him from the shore, but I didnt want to risk his life. Later the shelter took him back to the seashore as they say its normal for them. Im from eastern-europe. Have no idea about such stuff, but I hope I didint ruin something for this little fella.

It was very cold, very painful way home, but how many people can say they held a seal in their arms? 

Animals are truly the most amazing creatures. We dont deserve them to be here for us... 

[datingadviceonreddit]

Background: My history with this girl (http://ift.tt/2lR6lRN)Meanwhile, she finally replied and Yes when I asked her to meet. But since the meet was not before two weeks, I texted her for plans - No response for 24+ hours and completely ignored. I tried sending normal texts like Good Morning, etc, delayed responses again. I tried calling her, she didnt pick up the phone, nor called back.All this while i could see her online on whatsapp all the time, which meant she was happily texting everyone else except me.One week into this painful phase, I asked her intentions to meet. Again after 24 hours she says 'Yes'. I asked to call me to discuss the plans. Again ignored. I called her, no response.I finally made up some plans to meet in a different city in CZ where i was to have a business meeting (around 200 kms from Prague). So I thought would be great to extend my stay and spend weekend with her. So i told her my plans. To spend the weekend and sunday drop her home (since i was driving back to Germany which is via her town) After 10 hours she replies, sorry the place is too far for me. I was shocked but withheld my anger and just agreed to drive back to Prague if she could make it there. I specially asked to let me know fast since i had to make the hotel bookings, which last minutes are always expensive! She said, she will let me know !Current Situation: Its Friday tomorrow, and over 24 hours and she has still not replied. I have my meeting later tomorrow after which i had plan to make a 3 hour drive back to Prague to meet her. But feeling really disappointed and she has not replied yet and i have made no reservations at the hotel !I like her but dont know what to do.I think she will either flake or agree to meet for a coffee or dinner but not for weekend( may be she will... dont know)But i feel I should just cancel the plan and rather enjoy the city myself but i dont want to sound too rude but want to give her a clear message. But dont know the words or for that matter should i meet her and ask her the reason for her aloofness ?? But scared to get hurt more :(What makes me wonder is, if she is not interested in me why the hell she even agreed to meet me ?Guys, my mind is totally messed up right now and dont know what to do. Can you guys help me In this situation and suggest a way forward to deal with my situation !?! via /r/dating_advice

[that-awkward-1oner-blog]

SELF FUKING LOATHING STORY TIME BITCHES

Altho no1 follows me which is good cuz i don’t actually want ppl to know this story but it won’t go away so this is my attempt of expressing myself w no one knowing this.

Alrighty so this is basically how i lost my virginity through not very consensual sex idk I’ll never actually tell anyone. It was technically consensual ig? Idk but it makes me feel shitty so Ima tlk abt it

So there was this girl (note: she’s two years older than me) who had been hitting on me for like a year and tbh wasn’t good for me. One time i told her i had a gf so shed leave me alone and her response was “so what so do i” and I feel like tht says enough abt her. But despite expressing tht i didnt have feelings for her she still tried getting w me and at some points made me feel rlly bad for not dating her. Anyways so it got to the point where a couple months at the end of my sophomore year it got bad enough for me to say yes. We didn’t see each other often cuz neither of us had a car and she went to another school, so it was mostly tlkn through messenger. Altho i still ddnt date anyone at my school cuz we were technically dating and I’m not tht much of a shit person. It was mostly half ass. Altho we were in this upward bound program together (how we met) so we saw each other a couple times in a month and there was this last meeting of the years rewards ceremony thing we went to together. But after that she just STOPPED talking to me like all summer. It wasn’t until early August she tlked to me again. AND DURING THAT TIME SHE WENT OUT AND GOT MARRIED CUZ SHE WAS DATING A DUDE WHILE SUPPOSABLY DATING ME.

Anyway so I asked to stay the night, not cuz i had wanted to see her that much but cuz i had planned on killing myself tht day and knew i wouldnt if i was at her place + i didnt have any friends i could stay w. I expected it to be like oh we’re only friends now ur married, but her husband got home and we talked like it was chill then he fell asleep in the living room (they had an air mattress out idk why) and she started hitting on me and kissing me which also made me feel more like shit than i already did i mean jfc she was married i dont want to be involved w whtever was going on w them. She stopped and he got up and the day went normal (as it could for me anyway). A couple of his military friends came by and we got along well and started drinking and such. They were hitting on me part of the time though and that made me MORE UNCOMFY THAN I ALRADY WAS. One of the friends went home and one stayed the night. Everyone was out in the living room and the girl + her husband were on the air mattress w his friend on the couch. Then she told me to lay down next her her so i just did even tho ik it was gonna turn out to be a situation i didnt wanna be in. Turns out she wanted me to mess w her while her husband fingered her. IDK ABT YOU BUT 3WAYS MAKE ME UNCOMFY AND THAT ONE ESPECIALLY DID. SO I HAD A PANKIC ATTACK AND LEFT INTO AN AREA OF THE HOUSE NO ONE COULD SEE ME IN. She didn’t get up to check on me til they were done. AGAIN HIS FRIEND WAS THERE BASICALLY WATCHING. Apparently her husband had a thing for liking to see her w other girls (nasty ass heteros whyyyy) Anyways so i tried staying away from them after tht and just stayed around the husbands friend despite the constant flirting w me. Then the next morning the dudes had drill so they were gone. I was waiting to get picked up cuz my family had errands to do beforehand. Idk for some reason i ended up laying on the ground i think it was cuz she was watching tv. Then she started trying to mess w me and put her hand in my pants. So me being me i just kinda let her. Altho i wasn’t there to even hit on her i just knew if i stayed home i was gonna kms. I also had my hand kinda in the way like trying to suggest she stopped but i couldn’t physically tell her no cuz i knew she wanted to do it. Anyways so she just kinda ignored tht suggestion. I didnt have a good time nor did i like get off or anything it kinda rlly just made me hate myself more than i already did. As soon as my cousin got there to pick me up i left and she ddnt talk to me of months which also made me feel EVEN MORE shitty abt myself.

I ended up dating another shitty girl who wasn’t good to me in any way and our first time was also cuz i thought it was wht she wanted so i just went w it and obviously didnt learn anything from the first time

Anyways so Ima delete this within the next few days for sure. It only ever got into my mind again cuz my current gfs parent were playing cards against hummanity w me and my card was "how did i lose my virginity". one of the white cards was "consensual sex" and i took an extra long time to pick tht card only cuz her stepdad said tht my first time should’ve been consensual