#the silm but it's a comedy and not a tragedy

[thesummerestsolstice]

Silmarillion AU Where all the Elves are Hobbits and the Stakes are Significantly Lower:

Finwe is mayor of his part of the Shire, happily married to both Miriel and Indis because they all have two hands

Miriel doesn't die after childbirth she just goes off on a trip to find new artistic inspiration and doesn't come back

Don't worry she eventually shows back up again– turns out she got lost and a kind elvish warrior named Vaire helped her find her way back

Feanor has a good relationship with his siblings, although he and Nolofinwe have engaged in several bouts of passive-aggressive one-upsmanship

The most famous of these ended with Nolofinwe swimming several miles across a lake in winter to prove that he was the more dedicated brother. Feanor agreed after telling him off for being reckless.

The Silmarils aren't pseudo-holy gemstones here, they're a set of three really intricately carved pipe-weed pipes that the Finweans pull out on ceremonial occasions

Morgoth isn't a fallen god he's just an asshole elf who regularly breaks into the Shire to steal things

One day he steals the Silmarils; he doesn't kill Finwe though he just knocks him out

The rest of the First Age is mostly just increasingly convoluted plots by various Finweans to break into his fortress and steal back the pipes (and all the other stuff Morgoth has stolen)

The first of these attempts involves Feanor stealing one (1) boat from Mayor Olwe. No one dies though and he puts it back afterwards. It still results in a lot of petty gossip.

After one of the attempts Morgoth catches Maedhros and hangs him up in a really tall tree

He's stuck there for three weeks before Findekano finds him and gets him down with the help of a homemade hang-glider called "Thorondor"

One of the other hobbit mayors is Thingol, a dear friend (and possible ex boyfriend?) of Finwe

Most of the Ainur are elves here but the concept of hobbit Thingol marrying an eldritch goddess is too funny to pass up so Melian is still a Maia here

She and her descendants look pretty hobbit-ish but they have fairy wings and little antennae

It causes a huge scandal when their daughter, Luthien, runs off with a dwarf prince named Beren

Thingol even writes a very strongly worded letter telling her not to marry him, which is a very extreme measure by hobbit standards, but she doesn't listen

Eventually Beren decides to steal some hobbit stuff back from Morgoth to prove his worthiness

He ends up stealing back one of the pipes and giving it to Thingol

Thingol grudgingly accepts him and Bluthien settle into a nice, quiet life in the Shire

There's no Doriath kinslaying either there's just a long, very passive-aggressive series of letters between Thingol and Feanor until Finwe eventually steps in and Thingol returns the pipe

[that-angry-noldo]

me: i'm fine

also me: haha mortal vs. immortal friendship amirite?

ALSO me: no but the fact that Finrod and Beor didn't have that much time. the fact that they had 60 years, max. The fact that finrod didn't have an idea of how fast the clock was tickling. the fact that he had to watch his best friend grow weary, grow tired, grow old. the fact that one day finrod noticed beor can't run as fast as he could, can't walk as long as their normal walks usually lasted, can't see things the way he could just a few years ago. the fact that beor had to tell him how the age affects humans. the fact that he had to tell him about forgetfullness, about dementia, about the fact that he may not recognize Finrod on his deathbed. the fact that finrod to the very last breath held a foolish hope that it won't happen, that it won't happen to his friend, that it won't happen to him. Beor dies in peace, surrounded by his family and friends. Finrod continues living, and dies in darkness and despair, protecting the one thing he has left of the man dead long ago. it's just. mortal vs. immortal friendship, amirite?...

[thesummerestsolstice]

A very important update to my Maglor = Erestor, Finrod = Gildor, and Daeron = Lindir post.

They all take shifts as the Tra-la-la-lally elf.

Gildor thinks it's delightful and uses it as a chance to talk to all the valley's visitors. He actually uses some of his free time to teach Glorfindel some basic bard skills. Glorfindel is surprisingly into it.

Lindir refused to at first because he's composed full symphonies before, why should he spend his time on that, but then Gandalf accused him of being too afraid to improvise rhyming lyrics and the challenge was on.

Erestor just desperately needs some Tra-la-la-lally in his life. He's also re-learning to sing without making everyone around him experience the horrors. It's good practice.

Elrond, who arranged this, thought it was a master stroke because surely, if they have to talk to each other about Tra-la-la-lally duty, they'll realize, right?

They've all become pretty good friends over the years, and spend plenty of time together! They still have no idea.

Thranduil's gotten in on the betting pool. He's betting on it taking divine intervention.