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darkvalkyrie6 · 5 years ago

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The black side of me

One sentence inspired me to write this story. I won't say which one now. Just read the story, there is a short explanation at the end. I didn't use any movies, books or series for inspiration, the story is my original work. I hope you like it :)

It’s still just a story, like all of my other stores. It doesn’t have a deeper spiritual, moral or ethical meaning.

Everybody made fun of Layla and because she was easily frightened. All of her friends and even her family liked to play pranks on her and try to frighten her. Each time they succeeded, they laughed and called her a scaredy-cat like it was just a game. Maybe it was to them, but to Layla, it wasn’t. She didn’t know why but she was always easily frightened, she wasn’t scared, she just didn’t like it when people made sudden moves or noises around her. Her older brother’s best prank was waiting behind the corner, waiting for her to walk by and simply saying “BOO!”. Each time Layla would jump backward and scream and her brother would just laugh.

Her best friend Zoey also loved to frighten her. Layla knew that it was all meant in good jest, she was never angry with her, but every time Zoey frightened her Layla wanted that Zoey had such a weakness as her. For once Layla wanted to be on the other side, frightening other people, but she didn’t have it in her. She was like that since she was a child then one day everything started to change.

Spring was at its peak, the days were getting warmer and longer, which meant that the county fair would soon be in town. Lyla loved all of the games, the rides, the music and hanging out with her friends. Her parents always let her stay up late when the county fair was in town. The only thing she didn’t like was the Haunted house. Her friends always persuaded her to go and told her that it was not as scary as she thought but she wouldn’t budge.

This time there was no Haunted house at the county fair, instead of it there was a Voodoo house. Layla’s friends were excited to go see what it was, it was something new and that made it exciting. Zoey grabbed Layla’s hand and started to walk towards the Voodoo house but Layla resisted.

“What’s wrong?” Zoey asked.

“It’s not the Haunted house but it still looks scary. And you know that I get scared easily.” Layla said.

“It’s just voodoo. You know it’s not real. It’s just made up like magic.” Zoey said.

“I know but...” Layla started to say but was interrupted.

“No buts. You are going with us this time. It’s not the Haunted house, which was lame by the way, it’s just silly made-up magic.” Zoey said.

“Ok. But you go first. I’ll go behind you.” Layla said.

“It’s a deal.” Zoey said with a smile on her face.

They bought the tickets and entered the Voodoo house. The path took them through several rooms with dark scenes and puppets with faces painted with white paint to look like skulls. There were fake human skulls and bones in different horror-like scenes but nothing was too scary.

“You see. I told you that it wouldn’t be scary. These houses in the county fair are always lame.” Zoey said.

“Hey, Zoey! Come see this!” Layla heard her friend Alex yell somewhere in front of them.

“I’m coming!” Zoey yelled and hurried towards Alex.

“Zoey, wait for me!” Layla yelled but Zoey was already out of her sight. Layla continued walking slowly, afraid that something’s going to jump out of the wall or ceiling and frighten her. She stopped at a fork in the path. “Zoey! Alex! Where are you?” She yelled but nobody answered. She looked at the left path, it looked very dark, but the right path didn’t so she went right. After a while, she ended up in a room with a big mirror and a massive wooden frame. The wooden frame had carvings of images and symbols she had never seen before.

Layla looked at herself in the mirror but something was wrong with her reflection. It didn’t look the same as it usually did. She couldn’t quite figure out what was wrong with the reflection until she tilted her head a bit to the right. The reflection in the mirror did the same, it tilted its head to the right instead of to the left. Layla jumped backward but her reflection didn’t. Her reflection straightened its head and looked at her.

Her reflection turned completely black and Layla’s whole body froze. The reflection started to emerge from the mirror. The black reflection, now completely out of the mirror stood in front of Layla, grabbed her hands and merged itself into her body. Layla, still frozen, now looked at the mirror and didn’t see her reflection in it anymore. She closed her eyes and started to scream and cry.

“Hey! Hey! What’s wrong?” Layla heard Zoey’s voice and felt Zoey hug her.

“The mirror... The mirror… You left me all alone and now the mirror...” Layla tried to say what happened, but being still in shock from what just happened to her, not understand what happened, she couldn’t think straight.

“What are you talking about? What mirror? I was gone for maybe half a minute.” Zoey said.

“I want to go home.” Layla said whipping her tears with her hands.

“Ok. Come with me. Let’s go.” Zoey said.

After the incident at the Voodoo house, Layla gradually started to feel strange. One morning, after a few weeks, while she was brushing her teeth she noticed in the mirror that the fingernail nail on her right pinkie finger was completely black. She looked at it but it looked normal. She looked at the mirror again and in the mirror, it was black. That couldn’t be right. She didn’t know what to do, she decided to go to school and do some research after school about that.

Layla went to her room and got dressed. She was running late so she hurried to get out of the house. Her brother was waiting behind the corner and as she walked by, he yelled “BOO!”. Layla didn’t jump backward or scream, she wasn’t even started, she just told him to get out of her way and left the house. On her way to school, Layla thought about what just happened, that prank was her brother’s favorite prank because it always worked, it always frightened her. ‘So why didn’t it frighten me this time?’ Layla thought.

It was the same at school, all of her friends had their favorite pranks that always worked and frightened her, but today, for some reason, none of them even startled her. Layla went to the bathroom to think. ‘Maybe somethings wrong with me? Maybe I’m sick.’ She washed her face in the sink ad looked at herself in the mirror. She moved a strain of hair from her face and noticed that the top joint of her right pinkie finger was now completely black. She looked at it in shock.

In the real world, her right pinkie finger looked normal but in the mirror, it was turning black. At the next class, she told the teacher that she wasn’t feeling well and asked to go home. She hurried home, went to her room, took her laptop and started searching for answers about the mirror she saw at the Voodoo house and parts of her body turning black.

Layla searched all day and all night and couldn’t find anything that would explain what was happening to her. Every day for a month, she researched everything about mirrors, black reflections and all she found was stories about witchcraft and black magic. However, witches and magic weren’t real. She started to panic because as time passed each of her fingers, on her right hand, started to turn completely black. Layla started to ask her friend about the Voodoo house and the fork in the path, but her friends just looked at her with confusion on their faces claiming that the path in the house was straight, that there was no fork in the path and no room with a mirror.

Layla’s family and friends started to worry about her and the way she changed. She wasn’t easily frightened anymore, she seemed cold and distant. She was still her but at the same time, she wasn’t. Her parents sent her to see a psychiatrist because they didn’t know what to do. The psychiatrist told them that there was nothing wrong with her that the change in behavior was just a phase of her growing up, she was fourteen and she was going through puberty, which was normal. He told them that they don’t have anything to worry about.

However, Layla didn’t feel normal, something didn’t feel right inside her. She felt that something was growing inside of her, waking up inside of her, something very powerful. Whatever was happening to her felt as if it was poisoning her body so Layla decided to research cleansing rituals, rituals to expel demons and evil spirits and try them out. Maybe one of them will work.

Researching the rituals and gathered the necessary components took a lot of time. So much time that Layla’s whole right hand turned black ad her left pinkie finger started to turn black. She even started to feel the need to go into textile stores and buy specific types of fabrics. She didn’t know why she had the urge to buy fabrics and how she knew which fabrics to buy, but the urge was so strong that she spent most of her allowance on the fabrics. The rest of her allowance Layla spent on the components for the rituals.

Layla tried a few of the cleansing rituals, the demon expelling rituals and the rituals to drive out evil spirits. None of the rituals she tried worked, but she didn’t give up, there were many more that she could try.

“None of them will work.” She heard a female voice inside her head and started looking around her room. “I’m not out there.” The voice said.

“What do you mean by that? Who and where are you?” Layla said.

“Pick up the hand mirror beside your bead.” The voice said.

Layla picked up the hand mirror and brought it closer to her face. Her hand was shaking but she looked at herself in the mirror. She saw her face looking back at her with a serious look. The face in the mirror said. “None of the rituals you have planned will work.”

Layla screamed and threw the hand mirror as far away as she could. ‘This can’t be happening. I’m hallucinating. I must be, there’s no other explanation.’ Layla thought.

“You are not hallucinating. I can talk to you like this if you don’t want to talk face to face.” The voice said.

“You are not real. I’m hallucinating.” Layla said.

“You humans are all the same. You are just in shock, you will get over it, trust me.” The voice said. “I’m not here to hurt you. I just need your body for some time to make some things right. When I do that I will leave you alone.”

“What? You need my body? You are the one turning my body black?” Layla asked.

“Yes.” The voice said.

“Stop it! I’m not giving you my body!” Layla yelled.

“You don’t have a choice in this matter. I make things right and for that, I need a body.” The voice said.

Layla ran into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. “I will not give you my body!” She yelled angrily.

Layla’s reflection looked back at her with a condescending look on its face. Her both hands were now completely black.

“Stop that! Stop spreading your poison over my body!” Layla said harshly. “I won’t let you take over my body!”

“Then let us make a deal.” The reflection said. “Just give me control over both of your arms, when I need them and get the things I ask you to get. I will let you control your body for the rest of the time.”

“How do I know that you are not lying?” Layla asked.

“You do not. But I will tell you my name. If you know my name you can call Papa Legba, tell him my name and he will give your mind control over your body back to you. He will not banish me from your body but he will temporarily give you control. Do we have a deal?” The reflection asked.

“Who is Papa Legba?” Layla asked.

“He is the intermediary between beings like me and humanity. Do we have a deal?” The reflection asked again.

“And you promise you will leave me alone after you finish whatever your planning?” Layla asked.

“Yes.” The reflection said.

“Then we have a deal. Tell me your name. ” Layla said.

“My name is Marinette.” The reflection said and Layla’s arms, in the mirror, turned black all the way to her shoulders.

“Now it is time we get some cloth.” Marinette said.

Layla got dressed and headed to the nearest textile store. At the store, her hands started touching the fabrics by themselves, Layla had no control over them. After a while, they stopped at one of the fabrics and took it off the shelf. The saleswoman asked Layla how much of the fabric did she need and Marinette told Layla to get the whole roll of the fabric. Layla did as Marinette told her and bought the whole roll of the fabric. It wasn’t expensive, but she still spent most of her allowance on that roll of fabric.

At home, her hands started cutting out human-shaped pieces out of the fabric.

“What are you doing?” Layla asked.

“Making things right.” Marinette said.

“Can I at least watch something on my laptop while you are doing this?” Layla asked.

“Do what you want.” Marinette said.

Layla knew that she wasn’t going to get any details about Marinette’s plan. Maybe that was for the better. She let Marinette get on with cutting out human-shaped pieces out of the fabric while she watched a movie on her laptop.

After about an hour, Marinette said. “Go to the bathroom to the mirror.”

“Can you wait twenty minutes, the movie is almost over.” Layla said.

“Go to the mirror now.” Marinette said.

“Just let me watch the movie and I’ll go.” Layla said but her body started to move by itself and headed towards the bathroom. It stopped in front of the mirror.

“Sumac, Hex come here.” Marinette said into the mirror, and after a few moments’ two black spirits, with white painted skull faces, came out of the mirror and started flying around Layla.

“Come to me.” Marinette said and the dark spirits floated in front of Layla. Marinette put Layla’s hands on the heads of the black spirits, chanted a spell and the eyes of the two spirits glowed while she chanted. “You have your orders now. Find them and bring it to me.” Marinette said and the black spirits flew away.

“What was that? Who were they?” Layla asked.

“Those are my servants Sumac and Hex. They cause more harm than good but at least they are loyal and obedient.” Marinette said not giving away any more details about what just happened and what she did to them. Marinette gave Layla back control of her body and Layla returned to her room to watch the movie to the end. She had the feeling that Marinette wouldn’t tell her what she did even if she insisted. Layla felt that something there was something eerie and unnatural about Marinette.

Marinette rearranged a part of Layla’s body to a workshop for herself. The workshop had a table full of human-shaped pieces of fabric, needles, threads, boxes and jars where Sumac and Hex put in pieces of human hair, skin and other parts of human bodies they collected. Finally, summer came and one summer day Marinette took over Layla’s body and went into a field of dried grass. Marinette collected three big bags of dry grass and released gave Layla back control of her body.

“So you want me to do the dirty work and carry these bags for you? Why didn’t you do it yourself?” Layla asked but she didn’t get an answer so she headed home. She went to the bathroom and looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her arms were still black, but now the right part of her neck and her right eye were also black.

“Didn’t we agree that you just needed my arms Marinette?” Layla asked.

“I need to see for the next phase of my plan so I need your eye.” Marinette, as the reflection in the mirror, said. “I will not take both of your eyes, I will just take one when I need it.”

“Do I have a choice?” Layla asked.

“No.” Marinette said. “But it will accelerate the realization of my plan so I can leave your body.” Marinette said.

“Hmmm… Ok.” Layla said but something inside of her told her not to trust what Marinette said. Each day Marinette seemed more and more abnormal, at times even monstrous. Layla noticed that each day Marinette’s voice seemed colder and emptier and that started to scare her.

Summer was Layla’s favorite time of year, no school, no homework, just long sunny days she could spend with her friends. But this summer Marinette yelled at her every time she went out to hang out with her friends. Marinette even took control of her body a few times and took her home to make dolls out of the human-shaped pieces of fabric and the dry grass. This summer Layla constantly fought with Marinette over the control of her own body. Marinette thought that Layla’s urge to hang out with her friends every day was just a waste of time and didn't approve such behavior. There were more important things to do, more important things to make right.

At one point Layla became so mad at Marinette that she threatened Marinette with Papa Legba. Marinette realized that she overestimated her authority over Layla, that she acted towards Layla as if Layla was one of her servants, like Sumac and Hex, and backed off a bit. Marinette agreed to leave Layla time to spend with her friends. Layla was suspicious that Marinette backed off so fast but she got her way and that was what was important. Layla was happy that she won the fight and that she could enjoy summer with her friends as she always had.

What Layla didn’t know was that during the night, as Layla she slept, Marinette took control of her body and made her dolls in her workshop. Each day Layla felt more and more tired but didn’t know why. She went to bed earlier and woke up later than usual and still felt tired. She never felt like that before. At first, she thought that she was sick, her parents took her to the doctor, but the doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with her and he sent them home. The only other logical reason was that Marinette had something to do with this.

That night Layla drank a whole bottle of water before going to sleep, hoping that the need to go to the bathroom will wake her in the middle of the night, she went to bed and fell asleep. Her plan worked and she woke up in the middle of the night. However, her body wasn’t in bed, it was sitting at the table in the workshop making dolls. Sewing two pieces of human-shaped fabric together, filling them with dry grass and putting pieces of human hair, skin and other parts of human bodies that Sumac and Hex had gathered.

“What are you doing?!” Layla yelled.

“I am making the dolls, the next step in my plan.” Marinette said.

“No wonder I feel tired all the time. You are doing this to me!” Layla said angrily.

“I gave you your time with your friends and I am taking my time for my plan.” Marinette said calmly.

“Why do you need so many dolls for anyway?” Layla asked not expecting an answer.

“For some time I have been watching you, humans, killing animals. I have no problem with you killing them for food, but there are those amongst you who kill animals just for sport or prestige. The worst ones are the humans who kill the animals to use one piece of the animal and sell it for money. Those humans are responsible for the extinction of an entire animal race. It must be made right.” Marinette said calmly. Layla was astonished that Marinette explained her reasons.

“You care so much about the animals. You did all of this for them?” Layla asked.

“I am usually not cruel. But when I see animals suffering at the hands of man my rage and cruelty have no end.” Marinette said. “Each of these dolls is a man responsible for the unjust suffering of an animal and I will make it right. If this disturbs you, then walk away, give me control over your body and I will finish this myself.” Marinette suggested.

“No, it’s ok. I understand why you are doing this now. I’ll cut down my time with my friends so you have more time.” Layla said.

“Thank you.” Marinette said and kept making the dolls.

Sumac and Hex kept bringing human body parts and pieces and Marinette kept making dolls. This lasted until the middle of autumn. During this time, Layla’s whole torso became black in the reflection and when Layla asked Marinette about it, Marinette just said she would need it for the next part of the plan. When all dolls were completed, Marinette took an ax from a shed behind Layla‘s house and went into the nearby forest. Marinette looked at the trees and stopped at one tree.

“That’s a big one. I don’t think I have the strength to chop down such a large tree.” Layla said.

“I do.” Marinette responded and started chopping the tree down. After it fell to the ground, Marinette chopped off a large chunk of the tree trunk. Marinette carried it all the way back to Layla‘s house and put it upright in the backyard. Marinette gave back control over the body back to Layla and Layla fell to the ground, every muscle in her body hurt like hell.

“Ahhhh… Ouch! You monster! My body hurts like hell. I feel like a truck ran over me!” Layla yelled at Marinette.

“It will pass.” Marinette said calmly. Layla slowly dragged herself up to her room and slept for almost a whole day.

The next day Marinette took control over Layla’s body, took a box off her workshop desk, carried all the dolls into the back yard and put them next to the tree trunk. Marinette went back to the house, took a mirror, wrote a symbol on it with paint and carried it to the back yard. Marinette opened the box, which was full of needles Layla never before saw in her life, each needle had a different color and a different symbol at the end of it, they actually looked beautiful.

Marinette took a doll from the pile next to the tree trunk, put it against the tree trunk, took a red needle and pierced the doll through the place where the human heart would be until she nailed the doll to the trunk. Marinette took a withe needle, repeated the process, but this time she pierced the head of the doll. With two blue needles, she pierced the arms, with two green needles the legs and with the black needle the groin. Marinette repeated the process for all the dolls she made until all the dolls were nailed to the tree trunk.

When all the dolls were nailed to the tree trunk Marinette collected fallen leaves and said.

“What does that symbol on the mirror mean?” Layla asked.

“I suggest you look away now Layla. It means that, when the soul sees itself in this mirror, it won’t find a resting peace for a year and a day. After then, a ceremonial celebration that commemorates the deceased will not be able to release them into the world to live again, to reincarnate. They will disappear into the spirit world and remain there till the end of time.” Marinette said. “This part is not for the ones faint of heart.”

“I’m ok. Don’t worry about me.” Layla said.

“As you wish.” Marinette said and took a box of matches out of one of the pockets. She lit it and light the leaves around the tree trunk on fire. As the fire started climbing the tree trunk burning the dolls Layla could hear screams coming out of the dolls as they burnt. As each doll burnt to ashes a misshapen soul came out of it, screaming, flying around the tree trunk for a few moments until it saw itself in the mirror and vanished, screaming in agony.

After all the dolls and the tree trunk turned into ash, Marinette stepped out Layla’s body. She looked like Layla but was completely black.

“As we agreed. I release you.” Marinette said.

Layla felt a sudden emptiness, she got used to sharing her body with Marinette that the sudden absence of Marinette felt like a part of her was gone.

“As we agreed.” Layla said.

They nodded to each other and Marinette disappeared leaving behind a small black doll on the floor. Layla went into the house and saw her parents watching the news. The news report was about people all over the world reporting that hundreds of people died from self-immolation today at the same time. Layla looked at the small black doll and went to her room. She put the doll beside her bed and said. “Your plan worked.”

“I know.” The doll answered.

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Someone at work told me "If that disturbs you, then walk away." and I started to think about things that disturb me. There are not a lot of things on that list for me, but for other people, the list can be quite long.

I couldn't stop thinking about things that disturb other people. This story doesn't disturb me, but it might disturb someone else. Let's see if it will.

Ain't this a crazy world that we live in :)

Thanks for reading :) Every comment is welcome

#tw implied death #tw implied mass murder #voodoo #voodoo doll #slice of life

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eamesandbellamyaremyheaven · 6 years ago

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Bloodreina - The New Avenger Chapter One (The 100/Marvel)

Prologue

Summary: The 100 AU in the Marvel Universe What if Octavia and Bellamy joined the Avengers after escaping HYDRA's Ark Project? Set after the Battle of New York.

Pairings: All platonic for now: Steve x Octavia, Avengers x Octavia, Bellamy x Octavia, Bellamy x Raven, Octavia x Raven. More to be added later on.

Word Count: 2191

Warnings: Bad writing maybe? (sorry about that)

A/N: Not sure what to say about this one. I’m not sure anyone actually read the prologue, so… that’s discouraging… Anyways, all I wanted was a fiction of the most badass character in the Marvel Universe, so I wrote one. Hopefully someday someone will want it too, and will read mine :)

Chapter One - Welcome to the Avengers

As they approached the common room, Octavia could hear the commotion growing louder by every step, and she was taken back by the most heartwarming sight she had no reaction for.

Bellamy was having the most delightful conversation with the usually over-excited Thor, who seemed to be enjoying it a lot, since he cracked in a loud laugh as he squeezed lightly Bell’s shoulder and both gulped down another beer, bringing down the empty cup to join the previous. And while Bellamy was getting hammered - fast - Raven was having some sort of discussion with Tony and Bruce over Jarvis, and as she quickly worked the program both of them were obviously impressed. She was, after all, a genius, both muscle and brains.

“There you are! We were all wondering were you two have been hiding!” Natasha said as she walked towards Octavia and Steve, displaying her signature cheeky smirk, squeezing the young girl’s hand in hers as she dragged her away from Steve and closer to the crowd “Pepper asked for a family portrait” she emphasized the later words “with all the Avengers”

Octavia simply smiled, and nodded.

The Battle of New York had changed a lot of things, one of them being the status of the new comers within the team. While Bellamy was following Hill’s footsteps as a top commander in SHIELD, and Raven was working as an operative agent, Octavia was stuck with hours on end of training with Steve Rogers, the one and only Captain America, and as if it wasn’t enough, she still had to share her sparse free time with Clint and Nat, to work on planing missions and strategics, and when Tony was in D.C. he made sure she was available 24/7 to his every whims.

It wasn’t bad at all though, since they took her in, and she was warming up to them. Steve was a gentleman, and for that Octavia enjoyed very much embarrassing him to the point he would change into the colour of a tomato. Clint was always funny to have around too, and even though he and Natasha were like twins joined by the hip, he made sure to always include Octavia in their conversations and stories, and after a while it was like she had known them all her life.

Tony Stark, on the other end, was a complete mess. All that narcissistic and shallow attitude was just a mask for his daddy issues, which made Octavia having a hard time deciding in between hugging him or punching him on the mouth. With Tony, there was no middle ground.

But when Loki came with the Chitauri army, the dysfunctional team had united against the enemy and fought side by side, and that was the only way they managed to defeat it, together.

“Just a little closer” Maria demanded, with the camera on hand. Thor, Bruce, Tony and Steve stood straight behind the couch, while Natasha, Octavia, Raven and Bellamy were sat in it, and Clint was stretched on the floor on his side, right in front of them. It was a silly picture, with a few confused and surprised expressions in it, but overall it was genuinely cute. Octavia made sure to not forget to ask a copy for herself.

Two Years Later

The team gathered at the head of the Quinjet, waiting for debriefing. Octavia stood by Steve’s side, silently listening to STRIKE’s team leader Brock Rumlow “The target is a mobile satellite launch platform, the Lemurian Star. They were sending up their last payload when pirates took them, 93 minutes ago”

“Any demands?” Steve asked, to which Rumlow replied “A billion and a half”

Steve looked at Octavia, as both were thinking the same “Why so steep?”

“Cause it SHIELD's” Octavia promptly replied, and Steve simply nodded. He was obviously annoyed, as he spoke with sour voice

“So it's not off-course, it's trespassing.”

“I'm sure they have a good reason.” Natasha joked, but Steve was not in the mood “You know, I'm getting a little tired of being Fury's janitor”

“Relax, it's not that complicated” Octavia defended, trying to calm him down. She knew how much he hated those type of missions, he had told her once how they made him feel like a puppet.

Steve sighed before proceeding, his Captain America tone back “How many pirates?”

“Twenty-five, top mercs, led by this guy” Brock pulled a photo of a man on the monitor “Georges Batroc. Ex-DGSE, Action Division. He's at the top of Interpol's Red Notice. Before the French demobilized him, he had thirty-six kill missions. This guy's got a rep for maximum casualties.”

“Hostages?”

“Uh...mostly techs. One officer, Jasper Sitwell.” A photo of a bald man in glasses flashed in the monitor “They're in the galley.”

Nothing about it made sense. “What's Sitwell doing on a launch ship?” Octavia muttered as she looked up, feeling Steve’s eyes on her. He must have thought the same, but since the team was waiting for assignments, he shook his head and continued

“Alright, Octavia, we’re gonna sweep the deck and find Batroc. Nat, you'll kill the engines and wait for instructions. Rumlow, you sweep aft, find the hostages, get them to the life-pods, get 'em out. Let's move.”

“STRIKE, you heard the Cap. Gear up.” Rumlow commanded, and everyone dispersed, getting ready to dive off the jet. Octavia was checking her equipment when Natasha’s voice called her out of her concentration “Did you two do anything fun Saturday night?”

“If by fun, you mean if I third-wheeled Bell and Raven’s movie night, then yes” Octavia replied, turning around to watch Steve as he answered, his lips curled into a shy smile

“Well, all the guys from my barbershop quartet are dead, so... No, not really.”

Natasha sighed “You know, if you ask Kristen out, from Statistics, she'd probably say yes.”

“That's why I don't ask.” Steve replied, as he walked towards Octavia. They were now standing at the entrance of the hatch, facing each other, and the young girl couldn’t help but grin as she asked a final question “Too shy or too scared?”

“Too busy!” Steve replied, as he ran the last steps remaining and then leaped out of the Quinjet.

Octavia cracked a laugh as she adjusted her gloves and pulled up the gun with the hooked steel rope, jumping a few seconds after him.

***

The landing was getting smoother with practice. As Octavia was getting closer to the target, she shot the hook towards the outside wall of the ship, and as her body came closer to hit against the metal she pulled her legs up, softening the impact with her soundproof stealth boots. She climbed up towards the deck, arriving just as a pirate held his gun towards Steve. Octavia quickly pulled out one of her knives and threw it towards the man, instantly killing him.

“Thanks”

“Yeah, you seemed pretty helpless without me, Cap” Octavia joked, patting him on the shoulder. The STRIKE team was getting down, and as soon as Natasha arrived she continued the conversation Steve left on hold.

“What about the nurse that lives across the hall from you? She seems kind of nice.”

Steve groaned, as he commanded her “Secure the engine room, then find me a date.”

“What? It’s called multitasking!”

***

Octavia knew her place on the team, and usually Fury assigned her missions no one else acknowledge, not even Steve or Natasha. And even though she didn’t like to hide anything to them, she knew better than to defy the bigger man. And right at that moment, her mission as to accompanied Natasha to the archives, and secure the room while she did her part. She heard Steve called both their names through the comm for the millionth time, and that was when she decided to finally unplug the earpiece, before she would cave to her emotions and ruin her mission.

“C’mon, he’s a big boy, he can handle the fort without us” Natasha spoke without adverting her eyes from the monitor, getting only an annoyed groan as reply. Octavia watched through a window the empty deck, when Natasha’s voice caught her attention once more.

“Are you okay with my attempts of getting Steve a date?”

Octavia looked at the red-haired girl. Natasha had stopped working on the computer and was smiling deviously, with an inquisitor arched brow. The young girl walked simply shrugged, and replied “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Natasha turned her head back to the screen, and continued her work, as she muttered “Oh, no reason, just thought you two might be onto something, and I didn’t want to ruin that”

Octavia expression dropped. She closed the distance with the agent, coming to an hold by her side. Her voice was low and nonchalant as she spoke “Steve and I are just friends”

“If you say so”

Before Octavia could say anything else, the door burst open, as the man identified as Batroc came falling with it. Steve walked inside, his eyes falling instantly from one girl to the other, lingering on Octavia, who stood there speechless, until Natasha spoke sarcastically “Well, this is awkward”

“What are you doing?”

“Backing up the hard drive. It's a good habit to get into.”

Steve walked quickly towards Octavia, face hard as he spoke in a tone the girl had never heard before “Rumlow needed your help. What the hell are you doing here?”

“My mission” she defended, but Steve seemed unfazed

“Our mission is to rescue hostages.”

Before Octavia could reply, Natasha pulled the flash drive out and turned to Steve “No. That's your mission. And you've done it beautifully.”

As Octavia was starting to walk away, Steve grabbed her by her arm, holding her steady in place, as he spoke low “You just jeopardized this whole operation.”

“I think that's overstating things.” Natasha replied, as Octavia jerked her arm free. Suddenly Batroc rose to his feet and threw a grenade towards them as he ran off, giving them a few seconds for Steve to deflect the bomb with his shield, as Octavia grabbed Natasha and jumped through a window followed by the super-soldier before the grenade exploded, leaving them panting against the wall, trying to steady their breaths.

“Okay. That one's on me.” Natasha tried to joke, but her shaking voice gave her away.

Steve hand brushed against Octavia’s arm, where a big gash tore from shoulder to elbow. The touch caught her by surprise, as she instinctively pulled her arm away from his reach, and focused on covering the cut. His face dropped as he stood up in a push, his voice filled with anger as he ran off after Batroc

“You're damn right.”

***

The mission was finished, and they got back to the headquarters. After a quick debrief with Fury, and a checkup in the infirmary, Octavia was sent home for the rest of the day.

When they decided to join SHIELD, Octavia, Bellamy and Raven were provided with an apartment, and as Bellamy and Raven relation evolved, Octavia had started to spend less and less time in the apartment, and more in the Triskelion, SHIELD’s headquarters. It’s not like she wasn’t happy for them, which she was, but being around the happy couple made her realize how much she wanted that. Unconditional love. Someone to call home.

“Hey O, can you pass me the salad?” Bellamy smiled, as she broke from her trance and handed him the bowl “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

Octavia’s voice was low and she was looking down at her plate, afraid they might notice the red on her cheeks “Humm... Raven, do you know if that guy still wants to take me out in a date?” Raven and Bellamy had stopped eating, and were looking at her. Raven’s face lit and she smile cheekily, and Bellamy excused himself to answer his phone

“Who, Tom, from the STRIKE team?” She asked, teasing her

“Yes...” Octavia grumbled, already regretting having asked in the first place

Suddenly Bellamy interrupted them, his face had lost all colour has he spoke, looking directly at Octavia

“Fury’s been shot”

#octavia blake #steve rogers #steve x octavia #the 100 crossover #avengers au #avengers fanfiction #the 100 #marvel #avengers #bloodreina the new avenger #bloodreina #captain america #bellamy blake #raven reyes #octavia blake imagine #octavia blake fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #bloodreinaxavengers

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thetinyspinosaurus · 6 years ago

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Get To Know Mun

RULES: tag ten followers you would like to know better (if you want to). @detective-ryugazaki @lupusxlamia @hellsdarkenedlight @bleep3 @jihannified

@gathering-storm @thecarnalscientist-jt @babbling-bibs @byakushisakura-rp @seragaki-playhouse

TAGGED BY: @welcome-to-the-puppet-show

NAME: Lisa

STAR SIGN: Pisces

HEIGHT: 164 cm

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?: I don’t have one

SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?

1. The Old Haunt, by The Dear Hunter

2. The River North, by The Dear Hunter

3. God Damn Liar, by Got Scared

4. Beautiful Stranger, from the musical “The Devils Carnival”

5. At the End of the Earth, by The Dear Hunter

6. Filth and Squalor, by The Dear Hunter

GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17? “I suddenly perceived a very good Reason why Colonel Robert Simmins, Scotsman that he was, might not appear to care about, nay, even to hear the Drumming, which was now so forceful that the Walls about me vibrated upon every Beat.”

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? Don’t think so.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? Uhhm I don’t really do it ever so I wouldn’t know.

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? I really have a weakness for Bob Peck as Robert Muldoon but that was ages ago and sadly he’s not even alive anymore at this point in time. I guess Jamie Campbell Bower is pretty hot as well but I don’t really have a real crush on either.

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE?

Love: I like the sounds pigeons make, it’s weirdly relaxing. Also the way Boris (my dog) howls, it sounds so silly and never fails to make me laugh.

Hate: The weird noises that my little brother keeps making for literally no reason.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? I mean I don’t really have a real yes or no answer here, I guess they could be real, but I don’t really know.

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? again, not sure, could be.

DO YOU DRIVE? no, I don’t have a license, a car or the courage to step behind a steering wheel.

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? No, but in my dreams I have been in plenty. I did once get hit by a car while I was cycling.

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Jurassic Park (for the second time), I’m currently reading The Watchmaker of Filigree Street.

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? not really.

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? Incredibles 2 with some friends. Pretty sure I’ve never seen the first one but the sequel was good, I liked it.

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? I think a black eye. It’s funny how I fall down the stairs like every month at least once yet have never broken a single bone in my body.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (despite what the name might make you think, the show is actually quite deep and emotional but also super funny) Eyeshadow palettes (I’m not even that concerned about how I look but eyeshadow is just really neat) Jurassic Park, animatronics and theme parks/theme park rides.

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? I guess I do, I try to let go of those bad emotions but I’m not very good at it. I think I’m a bit of a bad memory hoarder, I like keep them in a pile and keep dragging them back to the surface which just makes me feel bad and makes it hard to let go of grudges. I’m working on getting over stuff and dealing with it in a healthier way.

IN A RELATIONSHIP? nope, pretty content to be single though.

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some-triangles · 8 years ago

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PART 4

Utena has turned into a car.

I think it is incumbent on the viewer at this point to try to unravel both why this makes sense as a gesture and why it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Point 1: It’s a magical girl transformation sequence. Ikuhara, having worked on Sailor Moon, knows all about this stuff. The beats of a transformation sequence are as follows: upon activation of an arcane device, a girl loses all her clothes and emerges clad in fetish gear. The ideal transformation sequence from a commercial perspective ends up with a girl wearing an outfit which appeals as much to young girls as it does to grown men. As has previously been established, grown men like cars – but this car is hot pink, shaped like a uterus and is trying as hard as it can to be a horse. Or two horses. It is a “car” in the same sense that Sailor Moon is a “high school girl”. It has been optimized to serve all of the needs of the academy at once.

Point 2: What we are dramatizing here is the fact that despite her avowed wish to leave the academy Utena has still been socialized in patriarchy and therefore cannot fully transcend her status as a player of the academy’s game. When she took Anthy’s hand and led her in the general direction of “out” she was still playing prince, saving the damsel in distress. This gesture does not work because the academy owns it. When she attempts it, she is revealed as what the academy forces her to be: an object. An exciting, ambiguously-gendered object, admittedly, an object which is absolutely up to date and this year’s model, but an object that is nonetheless made to please a particular audience. As long as Utena can still be the receptacle of male fantasy – as prince or princess – the story cannot work.

Point 3: Back in the old academy Anthy’s role in the final confrontation was to get stabbed a whole lot and lie in a coffin. Of course, something important and transformative did take place there, and the gesture that changed the academy did come from Anthy in the end; but she didn’t look cool doing it. Utena did all of the on-screen work. If Anthy is retelling the story here she wants to emphasize that despite all of Utena’s princely self-sacrifice the most difficult thing anyone did in that room was reach out of that coffin. She also wants to emphasize that she’s the top.

Akio killed himself earlier because he was unable to find his “key”. He lost it when he realized that Anthy was, if not enjoying herself, at least tacitly “consenting” to what he had been doing to her, which was, as far as he was concerned, not nearly as hot as the whole drugged princess routine. Anthy, however, already has Utena’s key. Get it? What we are emphasizing here, in case anyone got the wrong idea from the TV-mandated chasteness of the original series, is that queer desire is actually an integral part of the revolutionary moment. Anthy is able to go through with this because she really, sincerely wants to fuck Utena’s brains out.

So Utena’s sex car is saved from rusting away from disuse. The shadow puppet girls arrive to give Ikuhara’s old buddy Anno a shout-out and the race is on.

It’s worth considering whether there might have been a way to do the car metaphor without going full bananas zany with it – whether we might have found some kind of tonal harmony between Touga in the cabbage patch and Anthy in the driver’s seat. It would probably not have worked but I would have loved to see an attempt. As it is, the narrator has gone manic and we are flying, buddy, we are up in the clouds.

The shadow puppet girls (who apparently all have pink hair in this universe – emphasizing their artificiality, I suspect) complete their setup and a new challenger enters the race.

Shiori’s car looks kind of like Soundwave from Transformers. I always liked Soundwave. Her car is also considerably more phallic than Utena’s, having as it does a cycloptic bull for a figurehead. Shiori is acting as an agent of the academy here simply by making this a race, rather than an obstacle course - the idea that only one special person gets to leave the academy at a time plays right into the prince/princess narrative. It’s not a part of the story that Anthy particularly wants to dispel, either, which may be telling.

Shiori says the line of century, which I’m going to render literally for maximum effect: “It’s a big mistake to think that you were the only one who was able to turn into a car.”

Behind the bull Shiori is a big ol’ Chrysler station wagon with frilly upholstery. She underscores the crabs in a bucket motif by saying that only she is cool enough to do something as neat as escaping the world before crashing into a retaining wall and exploding in a completely unforced error, which makes sense when you consider that nobody’s driving her.

Anthy has a nasty sense of humor.

Next up are the thousand drone tanks of the world’s resentment. The jokes are flying thick and fast now – the shadow puppet girls pick up the encroaching horde on a “vegetable scanner” which superimposes the danger on a picture of a salad, and the three filler dudes who were so fillery that I never mentioned them once in my recap of the original series show up with radar guns. The drone horde also makes a lot of really high-pitched honking sounds. The director wants us to know that he knows that this is stupid. The viewer may well ask what all that trauma from before was about, in that case, but there’s no time, the drones are attacking.

Utena’s chassis is effed up in much the same way that her uniform was back when she fought Touga that one time. Like the opening theme says: “what I want is to find my place in life and my self-worth, taking who I've been up until today and heroically stripping her down until she's bare, like the roses whirling in freedom.” Cast off that magical girl fetish gear, and be free! And nude. While we continue to film you. Trust us, it’s all very liberating.

Just as our heroes are about to be splatted by the biggest drone of them all, a tow hook shoots out from nowhere. It’s our heroes’ friends! Or… people who we can assume they made friends with, off screen, at some point!

Ikuhara shouting in the distance: “Oh, the whole bandminton game thing was too subtle for you, huh? Need to have everything spelled out for you, huh? FINE”

They are driving Wakaba, a Jeep. (The utility vehicle is truly the plain friend of the motorsports world.) Explaining their presence, Juri says that high ideals attract noble companions. (I like overtly conceited Juri, and wish her incarnation from the original academy had had a little bit more of that going on.) Miki tells Anthy that they will definitely follow her outside at some point. I do not believe him.

The final challenge approaches. It’s a giant Disney castle on wheels.

Thanks, Ikuhara. I am beginning to see a Point 4 emerging to complement points 1 through 3 above, straight from the director: “If I make this as shiny, noisy and overt as possible, maybe you idiots will pay attention this time.”

The castle hoves massively into the lane in front of them as somewhere in the distance the bongo player goes nuts. The shadow puppet girls implore Anthy to turn around and head back, but she’s not running anymore. Suddenly, the car is wearing a dress. Car Utena gets a secondary transformation - like, that wasn’t even her final form – like, you got your DBZ in my Sailor Moon, you got your Sailor Moon in my DBZ – like, we are now somehow even more uterus-shaped –

The extended dance mix of Rinbu Revolution starts playing, and let me just say that it is an incongruous choice for a car chase/demolition derby. Anthy makes it through the castle, to general rejoicing, but there remains one final obstacle.

Point 5: to make all this masculine bullshit appear as silly as possible.

Akio tells Anthy that if she goes out there all she’s going to find is the end of the world. Which is true, of course – the point of the whole castle palaver, the point of all this fetishizing of youth and innocence, is to keep death at bay. If you can’t grow, you can’t die; but of course if you can’t grow, you can’t live, either.

Akio tells Anthy to go back to being a living corpse. (He can’t find his key, otherwise.) Anthy tells him to fuck off so he squeezes them between some giant tank treads.

Utena there, getting denuded again, of course.

Then this happens.

The prince is very, very dead. The castle collapses in a hail of rose petals and eurodisco. The shadow puppet girls lose their animating essence and become straw dolls named “Tenjou Utena” and “Himemiya Anthy.” Cause they were puppets the whole time, see?

“Real” Anthy and “Real” Utena chat about how there are no roads in the outside world and so they will have to make one themselves. They say this as they are literally driving on a road. Still on screen and still being filmed, the two girls recline naked on a speeding motorcycle and make out, as you do once you have been freed from the male gaze.

We end on a shot of another castle in the distance, which seems like a hopeful sign but should be the most ominous fucking thing in the world, if you’ve been paying attention.

The only possible conclusion is that they have not actually escaped.

In the end I can only interpret the last act of this movie as a titanic shrugging of the shoulders, an admission of a failure to envision what escape from this milieu actually looks like. In this failure it invited other authors to take a crack at the same problem using the same kind of symbol language, which is how we got Madoka and its “let’s reframe choosing to be the Bride, who is still absolutely necessary to the functioning of the universe, as a revolutionary act in and of itself” thesis, among other things. Ikuhara has a lot to answer for.

The problem of course is that a genuine escape from the academy should probably not be written by someone who has a vested interest in the academy’s continued existence; and so I think if anyone does end up writing the Utena story with an ending that works, it won’t be Ikuhara, or, not to put too fine a point on it, dudes generally.

Then again it’s possible that outside the academy there are things besides writing and rewriting the same old story to worry about.

#utena #utena liveblog #which is done done done #so what next

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hgfstreamchats · 5 years ago

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Jason Goes to Hell

Come on Kast... Kast, just once. Just. Once. Hello! Remember when we used livestream and the only thing we had to worry about were the many, many problems inherent in livestream? Hello, night human! I remember it fondly. Those were the days. I still have no audio. Hmmm... is there--yeah, me neither Still no audio? Nope. Still none Oh afts. Mmmmaybe you have something muted in kast itself? I cannot hear the terrible dance. Drat. It's very possible. It went through some kind of hideous update. Great. Glorious. Hmmmm. Nothing? Nothing Nothing. I hear it! there it is! GLORIOUS!

And it just cut out And it's back There. There we are. What was the problem? Wonderful! Emulator nonsense, the usual. Ahhh Look at that pumpkin man go. He's certainly got the music in him. What precisely is this? ohhhhh jeez I'm also wondering Either an underrated found footage film or pure garbage. We're watching now so that if it's filth, we still have time to end the month on a high note. I see... "remember that name" Once again, I already care nothing for these characters! This filming format is so obnoxious. I'm sure there's a totally normal reason he's setting up a camera in his RV like that Whichever one did that is now Smokescreen. Somehow I guess it didn't occur to me that haunted houses would run for more than one day The general idea of the thing sounds fun. I'd do it if I were human or capable of fitting into human buildings. There you go! Just make a found footage film starring me! Just stick your head in, it'll be fine "I'm here, you all figure out the rest." There are outdoor haunts. Or haunted corn mazes. You could possibly attend one of those. Yeah! Just drive around in it As I suspect a maze loses some of its charm when you can just step over the walls Don't tempt me. I'll do it and the Autobot pets will whine to the Autobots. I would tempt you just to get the pets to whine about it. I guess you could also see if someone from one of those universes where they can project holoforms further, is willing to share If I do, I demand a copy of the report so I can frame it. This is how to get kicked off a property. ... yikes I hate them all immensely. So, do you think that these terrible people will die, or just annoy us for an hour and a half? So do they die, or what Ugh. Even the Blair Witch humans weren't this obnoxious. These wretches would fit in with the pretentious Book of Shadow humans. Shut up! ?? Them, not either of you. I feel like even if your conceit is "found footage", you can damn well edit it to only the interesting bits But if we don't see the worthless chaff, then how will we know it's "art"? If they don't stop talking, ever, how else can we be expected to care whether they live or die? And you get that same "wait, why were they even filming this in the first place" feeling At this point, I'm solidly on Team Clown. Ah. So they are being stalked by the actors from the first haunt they pissed off. So spooky. I think so? Why did they... let them in For maximum spooky. "okay this isn't so much 'scary' as 'awkward'" What exactly did they do at the first haunt? I, uh, may have gotten up for a minute to get the kettle If anyone has suggestions for real horror movies that would go down nicely after this, do feel free to throw them out, because we're not touching the sequel with a 40 foot pole. And apparently missed Vital Plot Info (tm) They climbed an unattended ladder, and screeched at the waiting line crowd. Ohhhh. Yeah, not cool Do you want a real good horror movie, or a real silly horror movie? Either, any! Well, there is always Jason Goes to Hell. Or Texas Chainsaw 3D OH! Yes! Either is infinitely more fun than this. Jason Goes to Hell it is! OH WHAT A SHAME IT'S THE END AND THEY'RE DYING. HOWEVER DID THIS HAPPEN. WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED Are they actually dying? Hopefully? BUT THEY'VE LOST NONE OF THEIR USUAL CHARM, CLEARLY. Shaun! Damn it, don't make me laugh when I'm about to drink something Oh no! He got vaguely attacked in the dark. And she got red kool-aide on her sweater. She'll never get those stains out! The true tragedy. The frag would this be filmed? Uh oh, is it time for snakes Why does that one get cushions and kool aide doesn't? ...who's filming that She got a snack instead. I don't despise kool aide like I do beard-face. By all means, none of you try to push out while the dirt is pile on soft and shallow. *piled Oh, shut up. Thank you. I think that was as much of that as we needed to see They didn't have the decency to *die* entertaining. This should be much more entertaining. People die in ridiculous ways. Do you know what irritates me most of all? It had such a compelling title. That's what lured me in. I assumed nothing with a title that good could possibly be bad. If it had been a real documentary on the haunted house industry, then I think it would have been good. It would have been! Yeah, that could have been interesting! This is already more interesting. What a necessary scene, I'm sure It is a horror movie. Jason looks...bloated. He's a bit worse for wear. Comes of being in the lake all that time Oh hey So she was the bait Was that an air strike And then he explodes. That should do it. Graphic design is their passion. It just does this the rest of the movie. The longest mid-credit roll of them all. Ha. Just keep poking it. What I'm getting is that there were just a whole bunch of people who wanted prominence in the credits, and sacrifices had to be made The scale numbers changing is a nice touch Uh Ew ...Huh. I feel bad for that guy This is the Friday movie that was made just after New Line purchased the rights. They... did not know how to make a proper Jason movie. Oh boy o oh Hi! is this a youtube poop Hey! It's Jason Goes To Hell Smokescreen! Woojit! What is this? You barely missed the credits! Oooh! I did it! I came just in time! What you missed: a military op killed Jason, then when the coroner was disecting him, his heart started beating and he possessed the coroner. That's just how it is sometimes! Apparently! Oooh, this is like a scraplet horror fantasy novel I read like, vorns ago It is? Like, the body snatching? Oh! ... are they smoking in the cafe??? is that allowed? Used to be. does everyone do that or is he just doing it because Apparently they're all just...like this? That's how it is. ... Can I smoke in here? I would prefer you did not. Oh, good, important information to be imparted later! I'm sure everyone will survive until then Since when do you smoke, Smokescreen? Well, one or two times, Wheeljack gave me something and it wasn't bad! "haha just a joke, only like eighty people have died there" This certainly is how people talk. Uh. Ugh. I mean, I wouldn't want to be in the tent after whatever slag they're getting int-oh "I'll just sleep outside and listen." Like any good friend on an awkward camping trip. Of course. Nothing says "third wheel" like being the one who gets to sleep OUTSIDE the tent, half-naked You'd think they might have brought an extra tent. Sometimes, you just want to frag a tree .....*What?* Not everyone has your love of plant life, Smokescreen. What? NO I didn't mean it like that! Like... Some humans really are tree huggers? Nothing wrong with tree-fraggin! . . . . There was a human in the last film that frags pumpkins. We thought of you. Woojit, I'm gonna find an owl movie just for you. It won't be anywhere near as painful as said last movie. Unless it is a found footage owl movie. "nah, we don't need a condom, we're not surviving the movie anyway" w Primus, was the last movie THAT bad? It was wretched. Just intolerable. From what we saw, it seemed to be about 10 minutes of plot drawn out into an hour and a half of movie With zero (0) likeable characters I have to admit, this wasn't really what I was expecting This movie's just all over the place. Oh dear. It's the worst Friday movie. But still entertaining in a terrible way. No, I don't know why this is happening. That is definitely how reflections work. Magic! Wait, this is a friday movie? Yes. Jason Goes to Hell, part 9. Oh, I thought all Jasons were just like that. ... I saw a Jason movie with a bot not that long ago, huh! So... did he shave him out of like... vanity? he didn't want a moustache? christ The classic 'A body swapped Jason killed that lady' misunderstanding. Agent Scully! Man, how many people do you think were like "jason swapped bodies with me :(" in court ..... is jason the baby No? Oh so that's the asshole bounty hunter or whatever Now I want, no, need Jason to be the baby. I know, right? With a tiny, baby sized knife and hockey mask? What the hell is wrong with this guy Who doesn't enjoy breaking fingers to pay off the exposition dump? Man, I'm pretty sure I would've gotten kicked out the autobots and broken everyone's fingers if I broke someone's fingers everytime I started expositioning It sounds like a Soundwave method more than anything. Yep. Its name is Jason. I hope he didn't just taste that Facebook Oh good, the Necronomicon See, because it had a face in the cover-- How did he manage to steal a body? what the fuck Hopefully HE'LL--yep, guess so! Bleh Well, that takes care of that. She's crying because her shower stream is so weak. Kidnap her. Women love that. I feel like maybe he could have accomplished more by calling her from jail or something Instead of all these shenanigans oh UGH UGH. UGH. Are you not entertained? Uh oh Hah! ...Did that do it? Did the right person kill him? Nope. Ah Jason was more interesting when he only cared about his mother and his lake. I did mention this was worst Friday movie. ...I'm not sure that WAS him I mean, Jason hasn't actually... talked, so far It was a terrible worm thing, this whole time. I didn't think he could downgrade from the spaghetti-gut rotting corpse but here we are. Ohhhh shit There he is! I have to admit, I wasn't expecting that Oh what that pit sure came in handy Not the puppet hands! And there you have it. What a twist, kind of! Well! Still better nonsense than the last one. A marked improvement. And to think I thought this movie was going to be about him going to hell and, I don't know, stabbing demons or something. You're not the only one. I want a toyota beef! That would have been more fun, and that's not allowed. Hehehe. TWO things are wrong in the picture! ... isn't the kid pushing floating The boy is floating! What What. ... Does primus does primus have a good question doesn't he hang out on tumblr? you could ask him next time you see him Oh yes, that sounds like a good idea. That won't go wrong, I'm sure. Technically I didn't say it was a good idea It's an awesome idea! Primus adores me Then go right ahead, Smokescreen. You got it! It'll at least go better than calling Unicron a dilf ...You called Unicron a what a dilf? Why did you do that? To bug him? Oh, well then. One day that may come back to literally bite you in the aft. Well, that's all I've got! Well, once again, thanks for the stream! woojit woojit woojit I've got a horror movie for us for sometime! Thank you for that stream salvaging suggestion, Starscream. Oh, what? *listening face* The Brave Little Toaster? Yes, thanks! You know the sene It was the least I could offer. This was much better than the other thing Absolutely not. I'm not that sadistic. Oh. ... Am I that sadistic Oh my It's, uh, it's a pretty gruesome movie in some ways I'm sure nobody thinks you're sadistic, Smokescreen I think he tries. Oh, he already left. Unless that's Kast being weird again. The Brave Little Toaster is the sadistic one. Well, goodnight! Goodnight, All. Good night, everyone!

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woohooligancomics · 7 years ago

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Laughtifesto

Are we laughing?

We should be. Laughter is a moral imperative: a proposition declaring a certain action necessary. Kant argued that not following a moral imperative would be self-defeating and therefore contrary to reason, like trying to improve your mood by reading unmoderated internet comments. You can't spell "encourage" without "enrage"! If we accept this definition, laughter may be the only moral imperative that's fun!

We all know the world is full of scary things: natural disasters, flesh-eating viruses, identity theft, fake news, real news, terrorism both foreign and domestic... clowns. With all those real dangers, it's kind of a miracle anyone makes horror movies. "Hey, I got this movie about an alien parasite that melts people's faces... I'm gonna stop you right there, you had me at 'alien parasite'. I need something to take my mind off the president implying nuclear holocaust on Twitter."

We could accept that fear. We could allow it to drive our decisions, build more walls, buy more locks and guns, stay in the house and avoid human contact. But what's the end game there? We'll be holed-up alone in our bomb-shelters, eating canned beans and Spam. We'll eke out our embattled existence in the post-apocalyptic hellscape, watching for roving bandits. As we play our thousandth game of solitaire, we'll say to ourselves, "I sure am glad I stopped going to parties so I could stock all these guns and canned food! Just think of all those suckers out at the clubs, laughing it up, not preparing for the apocalypse. Who's got the last laugh now?!"

Even if there is an apocalypse, preparing for one is a lose-lose strategy. Your bunker's got food and water, guns, medical supplies and a deck of cards to pass the time. You're set, right? Unless you develop a blood clot... or that Spam you're eating gives you cancer. Who forgot to buy the at-home oncology lab? I hear you can remove a colon tumor with a Bowie knife and a bottle of whiskey if you print out the right tutorials in advance.

The point is, no matter how much you prepare, there's no guarantee it will save you. In fact, when you consider that the odds of each individual danger are so small, the more you prepare, the more time you're wasting on threats you'll never personally face. In the first world, even if we spend all our time studying survival, we're no less likely to succumb to the five leading causes of death: heart attack, cancer, lung disease, household accidents and stroke. Better to just cover the basics like cell-phones, insurance, and fire-alarms, and let your neighbors to help if you have an emergency those things don't solve.

But will your neighbors help? That's a good question. Do you laugh with them? Laughter brings us together more than anything else we do. More than protesting, mourning, patriotism, Thanksgiving, even drinking! As the Great Dane (and fair comedian), Victor Borge said, "laughter is the shortest distance between two people."

Some people still give you all sorts of reasons not to laugh.

I'm not laughing because this is serious work, for serious face. Surely Albert Einstein never laughed while he was developing his theory of relativity that changed the world forever. The class clown isn't just better at their own job, the team is better because of them. They make working together easier and more fun!

I'm not laughing because we need real social and political change! Because that's what's really holding us back! I mean, robber barons like Carnegie and Rockefeller caused the Great Depression, but the real reason it took a decade to climb back out of it was because FDR heard too many dick jokes! "Damnit, Truman, that's it! I'm not fixing the economy until people stop making fun of my Johnson! Eleanor, fetch my Viagra!... and a ruler."

Lots of people are using comedy to create real social and political change. Adam Conover addresses lots of real issues on his show, Adam Ruins Everything. Jordan Klepper's show, Jordan Klepper Solves Guns came with a website with information and links to resources to help regular citizens in the US deal with our gun crisis. Will dick jokes alone create real change? No. But they don't stop Samantha Bee from giving you loads of useful information on Full Frontal to help you get involved in whatever issue is important to you. She's giving you the tip; what you do with it is up to you.

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I'm not laughing because I'm angry! Sure, because George Carlin, Denis Leary, Sam Kinison, Bill Hicks, and Lewis Black couldn't possibly relate to that!

I'm not laughing because I'm sad... that's when you most need to laugh.

Carl Jung said, "you are what you do, not what you say you'll do". We become the things we practice, so if we practice being afraid, by watching local news and TV murder shows, we'll become more afraid. On the other hand, we can also practice being happy and productive by getting out of ourselves and not being afraid to be silly. If actions speak louder than words, then the things we laugh at are one of the best marks of our character. Do we laugh at the homeless or disabled? Or do we laugh at greedy politicians and corporate execs who push their agendas at our expense?

Of course, Laughter isn't always safe. Comedy is a tool, and it can be used to tear down as much as to build-up or to heal. That's why there's nothing evil people hate more than our laughter (except for those clowns). Tyrants and terrorists alike hate being laughed at, whether they're in government, private corporations, religious establishments, or loosely organized on the Internet. They hate it because they want power and control, and laughing at them tells them we don't accept their control.

It's that same hatred of our laughter that caused the Egyptian government to exile Bassem Youssef for his comedy, that also inspired the shooting of cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo. Tyrants often jail political cartoonists, and I'm sure the Inquisition or the Lord's Resistance Army would respond the same way.

While the threat of violence is a concern, we can't let evil people dictate how we live. We can't be so afraid of their retribution in the future that we make ourselves miserable today. Giving in, staying inside, banning travel, hoarding Spam, amounts to appeasing them. So when a terrorist asshat drove through a dozen New Yorkers on Halloween 2017, the rest of them went out, dressed up in their costumes, got drunk and urinated in the subway, like they do every year! You can't break New York! If you can make it there, you laugh in the face of fear!

Throughout 2016, Russian government hackers turned western civil discord up to eleven, in both the United States and Europe. These deep-dump operatives stoked online flame wars and organized several street protests AND their own counter-protests. They drove both sides of these "debates" because they didn't care about either side. Putin wanted us fighting, to make us believe we hate each other more than we do. That lets him claim that western democracy has failed (with bonus points if he could inject his political puppets into other governments). Laughing is the last thing Putin, or for that matter Trump, wants us doing.

Laughter is a moral imperative, because if we stop laughing, the tyrants and terrorists win.

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We know finding reasons to laugh isn't always easy. It shouldn't be. Destruction is always easier than creation. Probably no arsonist ever said "oh man, that building just refused to light!" Building it on the other hand took a lot of people, time and cooperation, and we can be proud of our accomplishment. Just as no one person is responsible for the building, no one of us is the only jester. Laughter gets around, because it needs to be shared. Who keeps their jokes to themselves? I mean... what's so funny if you can't tell us? That's just creepy. Moreover sharing our laughs, even the little ones, is the best thing we can do for each other (after CPR -- perform the CPR first, then tell the joke). It might be one of many, or it might be the laugh someone needed on a really difficult day, or it might be the laugh that sparks a revolution.

You put your little laugh out onto the road, and there's no knowing where it might be swept off to.

So I'm going to stay right here, and keep laughing it forward. Thank you for sharing yourself and laughing with us!

- Samuel Isaac Dealey

p.s. Call me Sam

And if you'd like to be part of our laughtivist work, join the mailing list below, or on our site!

"It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others or strikes out against injustice. He sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest wall of oppression and resistance."

- Robert F. Kennedy

"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

- Steve Jobs

#Laughtivism

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