#the shapeshifters always get to me its about identity….

[butchjess]

reading dune messiah rn yes its the second one no i havent read dune before i didnt see messiah in the title when i bought it and i read half of it before realizing it was the sequel to the first dune but i enjoy it i think there is something about accidentally reading dune out of order where paul is already at the seat of power and already trapped in the throes of his own prophecy and getting information about the first book backwards well there is something to that he is his own oracle he will destroy himself he can never escape the path.

[iliketangerines]

wife wife please 🙏 wife hear me out

okay either johnny finds out you got a CAGE tramp stamp and hits yo shit from the back

OR

climbing liu kang like a tree and he holds you up and SPEARS YOU ON THE MEAT

🫶 runs away

climbing the tower

a/n: @partycatty i wanted to get this out a day earlier but oh well

pairing: liu kang x afab!reader

warnings: nsfw (MDNI), slight dom/sub, hickeys, bite marks, blowjobs, deepthroating, wall sex, public sex (you're in the infirmary where anyone could walk in), slight overstimulation, praise kink, not proofread

you’re not short by any means, being a mediocre average height your entire life meant you had blended in with everyone else

well that, and your natural shapeshifter abilities, but after going through an identity crisis in your ripe teenager years, you usually felt most comfortable in your own skin

however, at the Wu Shi Academy, being average height meant that you were actually short

you wonder what they were feeding the other combatants because Johnny, Kenshi, Kung Lao, and Raiden all tower over you by several inches

and none of them let you forget it, constantly resting their elbows on your shoulders and making you their counter to rest on

it had led to quite a few bruises, mostly for Johnny and Kung Lao, but even Kenshi and Raiden had their moments where they teased you for your height

the jokes didn’t make you uncomfortable, not your height, with your shapeshifting ability, you could just be taller than them, but you hadn’t ever felt the need to

unless Liu Kang was around

he wasn’t that much taller than any of them, perhaps just by an inch or two, but still, his height, his broad shoulders, and his calm and gentle attitude had you sweating every time he came around you

embarrassing as it was, the way he towered over you always sent all the blood rushing downwards and for your tongue to twist into knots and for your body to feel as hot as burning coals

if Liu Kang ever noticed the slight demeanor change, he didn’t mention it, simply giving you that gentle smile and a reassuring hand on your shoulder

you’re sure that it would be the death of you, the soft but firm words, the gentle tone, the slight rasp in his voice as he gave orders to all of you

every time his hand touched you, you could never help but imagine his fingers touching elsewhere, buried in your hair, gripping onto your thighs, thrusting into your-

you jolt out of your thoughts as Kung Lao roughly elbows you in the side during breakfast, asking what’s got your head so high up in the clouds

scowling at the monk, you slap at his shoulder and pick up your spoon to finish off your breakfast of congee

he winces at the contact and dramatically drapes himself over Raiden, bemoaning about how his closest friend just beat him so viciously and that he would need a kiss to heal it

Raiden rolls his eyes, but the soft smile playing on his lips betrayed his true thoughts as the farmer turned his head to place a gentle kiss upon the monk’s lips

Johnny sighs from across the table, bemoaning just as dramatically as Kung Lao about saving the smooching for the bedroom, and Kung Lao simply flips off the actor before grabbing on tighter to Raiden, determined to put on a show and piss off Johnny as much as possibly

you just roll your eyes at the love sick sight and tip the bowl back, emptying the bowl of its congee, and you excuse yourself from the table just as Kenshi hisses at Johnny to stop being so overreactive

the start of another catfight begins, and you let out a quick huff of hair from your nose, shaking your head and smiling

absolute idiots, but you loved them all nonetheless

as you walk back, you stare at the ground, counting the tiles your feet step on and dodging the cracks in the concrete pavement, and you think back to Liu Kang

you liked Liu Kang, to say the least, it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out your own lust when you had first saw him, and your feelings for him only grew stronger the longer you had hung out with him

he was kind, thoughtful, and most of all, so gentle and warm, and you snort at the irony of him being warm and being the god of fire

but still, your thoughts veer back on track as you think about him and you

you’re just a mortal, a human, a human with shapeshifting powers but human nonetheless, and he was a god, almighty and powerful and much more experienced and aged

it wouldn’t do you any good to desire him, to go after him, and you had tried to squash your own feelings for him, using your powers to match his height whenever he came around

a feeble effort to try and mitigate one of the reasons you liked him, but it wasn’t doing much good, not when his voice affected you more than anything or the way he held himself or the way that he was just so understanding and willing to listen and-

you barely manage to sidestep someone in front of you as they come into your field of view, and you snap your head up, shooting up in height as an instinctual reaction at the sight of Liu Kang

he cranes his neck to look at you as your head crashes into the ceiling above, and you let out a small groan and slowly diminish in height as you rub at the top of your head

Liu Kang asks if you are alright, and you wave him off, saying that he had just caught you by surprise

you shrink down to match his height and watch as he slightly quirks his eyebrow at you, wondering why you hadn’t shrunk down to your original height yet

shifting your weight, you say that you walk faster with long legs and that you should return your bowl to the kitchen and get back before Johnny and Kenshi get into a fight

the god lightly chuckles, just a small laugh and one barely audible over the slight breeze in the wind and the background of monks chanting in the background, but you think you’re about to fall over as heat rushes to your cheeks

how was he so attractive even just doing a simple thing

you give him a sheepish smile and hurry off to the kitchens, mumbling that you really have to get going, and you don’t notice his eyes following you as you speed walk away

when you come back to the dining room, Raiden sits next to Kenshi while Kung Lao sits next to Johnny, the actor and swordsman sporting congee on top of their uniforms as thy shoot ugly glances at each other while the farmers try and calm each other down

it seems like today would be a long one

training that day goes just as well as this morning, Johnny and Kenshi refuse to spar with anyone else but each other, leading to Liu Kang having to monitor their matches closely

you haven’t changed back into your normal height, and while you aren’t adverse to using your powers for extended periods of time, your skin was starting to crawl with the need to go back to normal

but still, something instinctual tells you to stay tall, to try and reduce your attraction to the god, and so you focus back on your own spar with Kung Lao

the monk smirks at you and beckons you toward him, and you reciprocate his grin before finally lunging at him

it’s a long match, drawn out and long, and unease prickles underneath your skin as you fight him in your changed height

you were used to fighting while average height, easier to move faster, to land lower blows, and now that you were taller than him, you were struggling

still, in the corner of your eye, you can still spot Liu Kang at the training fields, observing and watching you all

so you stay in your modified height and take the blows from Kung Lao, trying to change your strategy to incorporate your height

the match drags on for a few minutes, and you feel proud of yourself for managing to hold on this long

at least until Kung Lao kicks you onto your back with a particularly powerful blow, and your head smacks against the ground

pain explodes in the back of your head, and you groan, feeling your body twitch and change and morph as it struggles to deal with the pain

you don’t realize you’ve closed your eyes until the blurry figure of Liu Kang appears in your vision, blocking out the harsh sun as he asks if you’re okay

even in pain, your brain still manages to change the position dirty, filling your head with images of him bent over you in a different situation, skin sweaty and hot, hair disheveled and lips kissed swollen

he calls your name, and you let out a meek yes, sounding a bit whinier than you had wanted to, and Liu Kang sighs in relief and brings his hand to your shoulder to help you sit up

it burns your skin, the heat off of his palm, and you hope and pray that he can’t hear how your heart starts beating rapidly or how your face grows flush and sweaty underneath his touch

Liu Kang tells you he's going to bring you to the infirmary, turning his head away to briefly tell one of the monks overseeing that they are now in charge

his hands stay on your body as you stand up, the world still slightly spinning before you, and your head sways as black dots swim at the top of your vision

the god purses his lips and starts to guide you in the direction of the infirmary, his feet keeping pace with your now shorter legs

the longer and longer you walk to the med bay, the more your head clears, and the more you’re aware of his hand on your shoulder

of both of his hands on your shoulder and how you’re, at best, shoulder height now

you meekly try and push your way out of a visit to the health clinic, but he stares down at you with a hard gaze, and your protest dies in your throat as you try and reel in your own lust for him

it gets appreciably harder when he sits you down in the cot and inspects you himself, asking you questions in a low tone of voice as his hands move to you head to inspect for any swollenness

your voice strains to sound normal as you try to answer his question, the pain in the back of your head gone and replaced with the feeling of butterflies whirling inside of your stomach and liquid hot lust dripping down into your body

he hums and finishes his inspection, sighing and saying that you should be more careful, that using your powers for any longer than a few hours was something to be worked on gradually

besides, your strengths lay with your smaller stature, allowing you attacks that none of the other defenders could feasibly do

you nod your head, trying to avoid eye contact, lest he look into your soul and found the depravity hiding within

his brows furrow, and he tells you to look at him and to answer him with words, that he needed to make sure you understand

god take you now because you might actually stain the bed cot with how wet you are at his commanding tone of voice

you take too long to answer Liu Kang, and he gently raises your chin up to look at him, your neck straining upwards to look at his stern eyes and furrowed brows as he await your answer

it catches you by surprise, his hand on your face, and an involuntary whine slips out of you at the casual dominance

perhaps it would’ve been better if you had blacked out earlier because at least you wouldn’t be stuck in this uncomfortable situation

your face burns with embarrassment, mouth slightly parted at the fact that you had just whined, and Liu Kang lifts his eyebrows in slight surprise

his hand doesn’t falter, however,  on your chin, and he cocks his head at you, blinking as you try and sputter out words and excuses or really anything

he shifts in his position, somehow now looming over you, his broad shoulders completely blocking out your vision and his thumb slips itself in between your parted lips

damn you and your body because you immediately go limp in his hold, mouth instinctively closing around his finger as you let him just lean over you

a small coy smile plays on his lips, and you’re too focused on trying to snap out of how good this all feels to realize that he figures out why you’ve been avoiding him lately

Liu Kang lets out a gentle huff of air, drawing his thumb out of your lips, but you don’t have any time to whine as he places his large hands on your waist and easily transfers you from the bed cot and into his lap

your thighs spread around his, trapping his legs in between yours, but you feel more expose as he spreads his legs, forcing your own to spread as well

even sitting in his lap, you’re still shorter than him, and he takes full advantage of this fact as he presses one hand into the small of your back to force you into the warmth of his skin as he leans forward, bending your back into a bow-like shape

you can’t think, can barely even breathe as your hands settle onto his shoulders, squeezing at the firm muscle to try and ground yourself into reality

even that grows difficult as he leans his head forward, nose bumping into yours, eyes boring down painfully through you, as if he could hear and see every thoughts, peeling away the layers of your mind to find your dirtiest fantasies about him

Liu Kang breathes out, eyes still focused onto yours, and you look away, turning your head to the side and squirming slightly at just how intimate this all was

he frowns at how you avoid his gaze, and his hand at your back goes to squeeze your thigh while his other cradles the back of your neck, squeezing it like he was scruffing a cat

his chest vibrates as he orders you to look at him, and you can feel something nervous grip onto your heart, squeezing and squeezing as you force your head to turn to look at him

you think you’re going to die because you’re so turned on right now that you can’t even process how Liu Kang clenches his jaw, trying to hold onto the small thread of control over himself

praise falls from his lips, saying that you were so good for following his command, and your hips rut forward of their own volition, desperately seeking for some sort of friction on your aching clit

Liu Kang hums at your neediness, eyes never leaving yours as he squeezes at your waist, and you whine again as you grind against empty air

it’s overwhelming how he surrounds you, the scent of ash and green tea in the air, his eyes boring into your soul, the warmth of his hand on the back of your neck, your thigh

as if the god knows, he leans his head forward to consume you completely, lips moving towards yours, and he pauses, just to let you have a choice to push him away just in case

you surge forward, wanting him to devour you, to completely surround you in his heat, and he groans and leans into you further, arching your back into a strained curve

but the ache of your muscle is negated by how his lips taste you, tongue dragging over your lips, low groans into your mouth that you can barely hear over the blood rushing in your ears

he kisses you like a starving animal, pressing into you further and further, seeking more and more of you until you had nothing more to give and then taking some more

your mind is melting, you’re pretty sure it is, and it doesn’t help when his hand on the back of your neck trails up and threads through your hair, pulling you head back as his lips move to your neck

his lips are soft against the skin of your neck, teasing and soft, leaving fervent kisses along the expanse of it, but you want more and gather what little grasp of your will you have left

you trail one of your hands on his shoulder down and shove it down his pants to grab onto his cock, hand firmly wrapping around it

Liu Kang lets out a loud groan against your skin, sinking his teeth into the flesh, and it makes you let out a choked sound as you try and give him some modicum of pleasure

his tongue licks over the mark, almost like an apology, but you find it a lie as he moves to another part of your skin and bites down again as you continue to try and stroke him

wriggling in his hold, you manage to let out a whiny plea for you to suck his cock

it gives the god pause, and his lips momentarily stop against your skin before pulling back to stare into your eyes again

he lets out a breath, asking if you were sure, and you squirm in his ironclad grip on you and let out a pitiful yes, voice high-pitched and breathy

Liu Kang hums and slowly, almost mournfully, lessens his hold on you and helps guide you on shaky legs down to your knees and in between his spread thighs

he pulls down his pants, intending on taking them fully off, but you’re too impatient and shuffle forward and grab onto his cock, perhaps feeling a bit intimidated at the size

it didn’t surprise you that he was thick, thicker than anything you had ever seen or practiced on, but still, there was a reason you were an earthrealm defender, you never backed down from a challenge

your other hand grabs onto his thigh for balance as you leans your head forward, tongue dragging against the length of his cock from base to tip

the god draws in a sharp breath and forces his hands to stay at his sides, wanting to see how far you would go before he would push you to your limits

you concentrate on the task before you, trying not to get too distracted with how his broad form looms over you and how absolutely fucking soaked you are at the sight

ignoring your own need, greedy to taste him, you wrap your lips around the head of him, tongue pressing into the slit to taste his pre-cum, and Liu Kang’s hands start to burn through the cloth of the bed cot

if you smell the burning linen, you don’t pay any mind, using one hand to stroke him up and down in controlled strokes while your mouth suckles at the tip

so, maybe you were a lot intimidated actually at the size of him, not his length, no that was only a bit above average

his girth on the other hand

you clench around nothing at the thought of him stretching you out, the slight burn, the addicting pressure, the feeling of fullness

Liu Kang grits his teeth, hand twitching and burning through the bed cit as he tries to not to bury his fingers in your hair and force your head all the way down until your nose touches down to the base of curls

humming slightly, listening to the choked moan of the god, you push forward, bringing the tip of his cock past your lips and bobbing your head up and down with the pace of your hand

slowly but surely, you take him further and further down your mouth, until he’s in your throat, and your lips burn and you’re sure that tears are falling down your face

he’s losing his self-control, heart beating rapidly in his chest at the sight of you so debauched, tears running down your face, eyes slightly glazed over as you focus on sucking his cock, and Liu Kang can’t help it as his hand finally leaves the bed to bury itself in your hair

his hand pushes you down further and further, and you let him take control, mind slowly going blank at how he’s filling every one of your senses

your nose buries itself into his pelvis, and distantly, you can hear him telling you to breathe through your nose, to stay calm, that you were doing so well for him, so good for him

your own hands grip onto his thighs, squeezing and kneading to try and keep yourself here and present, but control is slipping as you breathe in the scent of him

Liu Kang breathes out through his nose, as his hand tightens its grip on your hair as he moves your head up and down, trying to stay in control, trying to stay calm

and then you let out a breathy whine as his hips stutter and hit the back of your throat roughly, and the thin thread snaps as his other hand grips onto your head

it’s sinful, the wet sounds coming from your mouth, the way Liu Kang fucks into your throat, how your eyes stare up at him, teary and hazy as you moan

the sound vibrates through him, and he thinks he’s going to cum just like this, down your throat, despite his eons and eons of experience

but he doesn’t want to paint your face or your throat with his cum, at least not just yet, and he forces himself to pull your mouth off of his cock, missing the feeling of you immediately

you look dazed, wrecked, all from him, lips swollen and covered in your spit, drool hanging down your chin

Liu Kang drags you up into his lap and kisses you, wrapping your legs around his waist and digging his fingers into the plump meat of your thighs as he stands up

he walks forward, his lips never leaving yours as your arms wrap around his neck to pull him in forward, and your back finally meets the wall of the infirmary

the god grinds his cock into your clothed pussy, two layers too much, and he bites back a growl at the obstruction

balancing you on one hand, arm barely straining with effort, he reaches his free hand down in between you and tears at your pants easily, making you gasp

instantly, both of his hands dig into your ass once again and his cock presses up against your swollen and needy clit

after so long without any friction, you gasp and whimper at the contact, trying to push your hips forward to get more

he denies you, relishing how you squirm in his arms and how your whines grow needier and needier with each passing second

when you let out a small plea, your name hanging from his lips like honey and a sweet please melting into the air, he shakes his head

it would be too much for you, he hadn’t had the time to properly stretch you, to prepare you, and he didn’t want to hurt you

Liu Kang promises you another time, and you whine in frustration, pulling away from his lips with a glare

your thighs tighten around his waist as you lift yourself up just enough so that the head of his cock notches against you, and before he can react, you sink down, choking back your own moan

he should lift you up, get you off of him before you hurt yourself, but he can’t find it in himself to take you off, your pussy sucking him in further and further until your hips finds themselves flush with his

you whine, head buried into the crook of his neck, and he breathes out harshly through his nose, straining every fiber of his being to not lift you up and begin fucking into you

it’s a brutal several minutes as you adjust to his size, taking in deep stuttering breaths as he murmurs into your ear to breathe, that you were doing so well for him

his thumbs rub circles into the sides of your skin as you calm down, and then you finally squirm impatiently on his dick, clenching your pussy around him and forcing a groan out of him

you moan, begging him to move, and Liu Kang tightens his grip on your legs and finally starts bouncing you on his cock, knocking any sense that you might have left in your brain

the lewd sounds of your pussy fill the air with your moans and whimpers, and Liu Kang wants to taste your pleasure, your desperation

he brings his lips to yours again, kissing you, swallowing every one of your sweet sounds as he thrusts up into you, trying to angle his hips to hit that one sweet spot

when you yelp into his mouth, stars bursting behind your eyelids and arms tightening around his neck, he smiles against your lips and fucks into the spot, making sure that the fat head of his cock bullies relentlessly into it

you swear you’re being lifted into the heavens, higher than the heavens actually, pleasure singing through every nerve in your body and your orgasm was hurtling towards you faster than you had ever known

Liu Kang finally pulls away, and you’re sure that you look dazed and already fucked out

in the haze of your pleasure, you almost miss him telling you to do something, and you have to let out a pathetic what, interrupted by a pitiful whine as he fucks back into your sweet spot

he tells you to rub your clit, his voice rumbling through you and straight down as you hear a loud squelch

but you comply immediately, craving your release, feeling dizzy by how he surrounds you, and your fingers rub against your clit slowly and lightly

his eyes are transfixed on the sight, the bud swollen and coated in your wetness, and he tells you to pinch it, to be rough

pleasure already overwhelms you, but you listen, body shaking and hand struggling as you overstimulate yourself, pinching and rolling your clit between your fingers

Liu Kang practically purrs, telling you to keep doing that, to keep listening to him and being so good for him, groaning as he feels your pussy pulse around him in tandem with how you play with your clit

you can’t even warn him as you cum on his cock, keening loudly and rubbing at your clit in tight rough circles as you ride your high

the god just shoves his mouth to yours, devouring you completely as you lose yourself, his hips never stopping, never changing as he fucks you through your pleasure

only when you feel the last of your orgasm dribble out does his hips falter, and he groans into your mouth as he cums inside of you, fucking it deeper and deeper inside of you with each slowing thrust

eventually, he stops, his cock still buried inside of you, and he just kisses you, enjoying how you taste him as well, how you grow more gentle with your lips as your body starts to sag from exhaustion

Liu Kang helps you to your feet, smiling internally when you look up at him and ask in a feeble voice if he could carry you

he obliges, because how he could he not, and picks you up, the bend of your knees supported by one arm while his other arm supported your upper back

your arms wrap around his neck once more, and you tuck your head in against his chest, eyes closing slightly as you mumble that you don’t think you can walk anymore

glancing down at the mess you and he had made on the floor, he’s not surprised and presses a kiss to the top of your forehead as he brings you back to your room

he had you in his arms now, and he wasn’t going to let go

[radiocmyk]

⩝

This isn't just an essay about my archetrope identity; it's also the explanation for what it even is.

I've tried to narrow it down, I've tried to separate it, and I've tried to find convenient ways to define it. I explained it as having multiple distinct archetrope identities that were closely related—"wanderer," "mimic," "opportunist" "shapechanger"—but they aren't distinct. Most archetropes will say their archetypes are things like knight, or unreliable narrator—I don't think mine is inherently different or more internally complicated in any way, but the problem is that most archetypes and concepts have words that mean them. Everyone knows what a knight is. No matter where and how long I pored over the dictionary and Etymonline, I couldn’t find one single word that explains what I am. I had to realize that it's the very fact of what it is that makes an existing word or phrase impossible. So I made my own.

I call it Wayvariance. It's a portmanteau of sorts, between the words "wayfar" and "variant." A wayfarer is obviously a traveller or explorer, but the etymology of way (to mean the course by which something occurs) and fare (to mean to wander, to be/exist, or even simply just to go) implies a connotation of someone who doesn't just travel, but who's defined by it. Variance originally meant only the act of undergoing change. Its meaning of diversity, difference, came later; a result of inevitable change. The way evolution is a constant course of change, meaning inherently that it's also existence in infinities.

Wayvariance is being a wanderer. Not because I travel a lot, but ontologically. I always leave. I leave both physically and existentially. The wanderer grows bored with home, with comfort and familiarity. Not just bored. Sick. Sick to its stomach. Being in one place for too long creates a miasma. I could find something to hate about anywhere I end up. I've lived in enough places in a short enough amount of time to feel that anywhere I go next is implicitly not a place I'll stay for very long, and to feel like even just three years is a crazy long amount of time for me to spend living somewhere. A new city to become part of is my version of someone else’s return to a cozy childhood bedroom. But I never really am a part of them, I know by now. The homebody is a river carving canyons over eons. The traveller is always the fish.

"I would tell you about the ocean if I had a moment to stay and chat. But those other places call again and we will never see each other after this. I seem to be the only one who recognizes this. You say ‘keep in touch’ like I have hands and not fins."

I go where I go. It’s a matter of perspective whether it's freedom or being towed by an invisible rope to unknowable destinations, I guess. I choose to appreciate it, but only because I couldn't ever choose to stop it. To drift through existence. The word “plankton” etymologically traces back to the Greek for “wandering.” Plankton are defined as any creature which does not swim purposefully, but rather is carried by ocean currents. Am I purposeless? Rootless? Is this why so many people think their roots are their purpose? I never knew what it was like to have either. No wonder I'm anti-zionist as a Jew. Doikayt doesn’t just mean hereness to me, it means anywhereness. There is no soil or stone with my names already carved. There are no waters that whisper for me, only to. You get it.

Which is all to say: the difference between a wanderer and someone who is lost is only a matter of deciding that what you are is a conscious choice rather than being haplessly dragged along by the universe. Either way, there is no end and no source. I don’t even know what to say when people ask where I'm from. Whatever works, who’s asking?

Wayvariance is being a shapeshifter. One who changes. Not just their shape, too, but their whole self. Recreates the self. In fact, it’s my only constant. The one thing that will never change about me is that I will always change. I know that I'm trans because I seek radical physiological transformation more than any other reason. I cannot live a whole life without knowing what it feels like to be so drastically modified; not even out of a frenzied sense of curiosity, but out of an unavoidable instinct. I crave change, and I need it. The wanderer grows bored with home, with self, body, mind. It needs to leave. Stagnation kills me, like mosquitoes breed eggs in the still waters of my life. My name isn’t the same as it was 3 years ago and it won’t be the same three years from now. Even the way I write or draw is inconsistent. Even the way I type. An example: it wasn't a mistake to switch from digit to word when writing the same number just now. I felt like it—but I can't explain why.

Shapeshifter transforms the body and the mind remains intact. Wayvariant, on the other hand, becomes. Embodies. Change does not even have to be from the inside out. When I put something on myself—a name, an answer, an image, a character, a preference—it seeps into my epidermis like the ink of a tattoo until the only way to remove it is with the regular moulting of my feathers. I can't relate to stories of fictional shapeshifters because I can’t imagine turning into something physically but not becoming it in my entirety. What do the words mind, heart, body and soul mean? They are all equally mutable and impermanent. I have identified as otherkin for nearly eight years and I don’t have the same kintypes I did when I first realized, not because I was wrong about being a fox, but because I became a badger instead. Not even the same kintypes I did half that time ago, not because I was wrong about being a badger, but because I became a cladotherian instead. Queer, but never wanting to call myself “against labels” or “still questioning” just because I was aroace femme-presenting nonbinary and now I'm a butch bi man. You get it.

I used to relate to the phoenix. But there's no dramatic blaze of fire or victorious rising up from the embers for me. I don't need to burn to exist in the ashes of everything I used to be. Maybe someday a sapling will grow from them instead of a bird. If there was such thing as consistency, I would consistently be changing. But there isn’t. So when I grow into a tree, I certainly won’t be a bird anymore.

Wayvariance is adaptation, and by extension, survival. Sometimes Wayvariating is like being the last survivor of an apocalypse because you refused to die more like a cockroach than a hero, but that’s OK, you’re used to the loneliness. Sometimes it’s change that’s evolution at such a rapid pace it doesn’t need generations, only you and a certain willpower. Was there a reason the bird needed to suddenly be a tree in the first place? Sometimes Wayvariating is like chewing your leg off to get out of the trap. Backed into a corner snapping and hissing, it’s not very heroic either but I’ve always been more like a wild animal than that particular archetype allows for.

That also means Wayvariance is mimicry, inherently. Mimicry is survival. An adaptation. Some creatures will mimic a coloration of a poisonous species to deter predators. Some creatures will mimic the beats of a human interaction, perfectly memorized and choreographed to avoid being noticed. Some won’t even realize they are the only one in the room who’s having to pretend to be human. For a lifetime. They just know that snapping and hissing don’t protect them as well as dancing and laughing do. So I learned how to dance and laugh, but not because it's funny.

A terrifying concept for humans to think someone in the room might not be the same as them, but somehow smiles and speaks like them all the same. Like it has learned their behaviors, their patterns. A horror movie monster. One you don't notice right away, even speaking to it. What is it scheming? A great evil? To hunt, kill, devour? To make innocent humanity its victim?

Why would an animal have to pretend to be poisonous if it was the one who was bloodthirsty?

Wayvariance is opportunism. That’s also an adaptation. A Wayvariant is an animal that can survive on any diet, in any biome, because it takes what it can get while it can get it. That’s being a generalist. For a wild animal, at least. A sapient person's version I guess would be called eclecticism. My preferences are wide enough that I may as well not have any. Being a generalist means I say I “don’t play favorites” and I say I “have no taste” in things because I never know what to say when someone asks me my favorite type of movie, or game, favorite genre of music, what’s your dream job… where would you like to live? No answer, for me. Every answer. I could find something to love about anywhere I end up.

I also endeavor to diversify the self, too. Not just my options. It’s not just about differences. It’s about encompassments. It is difficult for me to make my self small because it naturally desires so many things. Therian, but struggling to whittle myself down to as socially acceptable a polytherianthropy as I can muster even if some people can only imagine I'm struggling to “maintain so many conflicting identities.” Autistic, and having special interests in topics some people find so impossibly broad like “art” that I have genuinely, not joking, had my disability fakeclaimed over it. Archetrope and having a 'type so conceptual and expansive as this that I need to make my own word for it. You get it.

Which means Wayvariance is to contain multitudes. It is not a contradiction for me to contradict myself. It comes easily because I'm not just OK with being confused or confusing, I embrace it. I don’t understand how others would find being "your own opposite" hard to wrap the mind around. Asymmetry? A walking paradox? Maybe in the eyes of others. Multitude eyes see those variating evolutionary infinities behind themselves. You can be both the desert and ocean. You can be snow and fire. You can be the desert and the ocean but not both at once. You can be snow and fire, but neither snow nor fire. This is so normal to me that it’s tricky to explain. When I write or do art, a million projects open at once that I chip away at over time across the board works better for me than putting all focus into one; if I'm playing three games, or watching three shows or reading three books at once, I finish all three before I would have finished just one if it was the only one. Something about the variety keeps my attention better than hyperfocus ever could, even with the autism/adhd combo. I liked having a million thousand nested links on my blog because there’s something about labyrinthinely navigated lists that makes more sense to me, and something about having different sideblogs for different topics that doesn’t. And I'm plural. No need to expound upon that one. Plural in more than one way, even. Plural in different ways that don't stay consistent. If I expound anyway, it's because I can't help it. You get it.

Wayvariance is ambiguity. I revel in it. I love those stupid link labyrinths, but I also like having nothing in terms of information that's accessible at all, even difficultly, because obscurity is my nest, where I feel safe. Vague isn’t uncomfortable for me, if anything, it’s familiar. Uncertainty is like a lullaby and a confident answer to a question is like waking with a start from the sensation of falling; you know the feeling—jarring, sudden. I'm not insecure when things don't make sense, though I know others sometimes see it that way if I'm nonsensical too often. I never feel more secure than when things don’t make sense. If there was such thing as home, mine would be the strange and ephemeral, and the antichronology of dreams, and enigmas. But there isn’t. So I am always waking up somewhere time exists, and you know the feeling, jarring and sudden. Making myself understood sometimes is like a fool’s errand, especially because way too many people think being esoteric is always a choice. I make an entire new word to describe my archetrope identity and then write an entire essay trying to explain it, because (as the modern adage explains) “human language is like trying to nail down the ocean” and unlike some, I am not human, I am the fish called to seas and from river to river, never with the privilege of walking back onto dry land where words lie.

G-d, why the hell was I an English major.

Wayvariants are outsiders, foreigners wherever they go, from across oceans to their home towns to the inside of their own heads. I am, after all, a wanderer, and I always leave. I leave both physically and existentially. Because I always leave, I also always arrive. I am a stranger wherever I arrive. Both physically and existentially. And a journey inevitably always changes the traveller. If I ever were to come back home, I'd be a stranger there too.

But like I said. There is no such thing as home.

[nimdreams]

To me, being constelic still has a lot in common with being a shapeshifter. I have all these possibilities within me. This collection of forms I can slip into. The reason why I use the label constelic over shapeshifterkin is because these identities are all their own little light bulbs. Each light can go on by its own switch, while some are internally connected, and the lights together make a clear pattern of what is me. The control room is hidden behind closed doors, so I cannot actually see its inner workings, but I am starting to get a good grasp on what it looks like.

Multiple things can trigger a switch, for example, coming across one of my main constels is likely to turn a light on even if for a brief moment. I can also see a light going on through my fluid gender, as my gender is connected to my constelic identity. Music and media can turn on a light bulb too. It isn't very different from how a kintype might be triggered for an otherkin. So what makes me differentiate and call this a constelic identity instead?

It is the distance between my constels and myself. My stels are not who and what I am, being constelic is. I appear as an elf, a dog, a fox spirit, but that isn't me to my very core. They are costumes I wear, illusions I hold up, I can only be a hare as far as I understand a hare to be. As these constels become stronger, I feel like I know better and better what the details are that fill that shape, but I am mainly still the vague shape of a species. A shadow of them. One impression of them. My own interpretation of them, that keeps learning and growing.

This is how some of my constels, I consider my main ones. I have been these, either already for a very long time, or they are very bright light bulbs because something about the species resonates more deeply and strongly within me. Maybe my shape as a dream being comes very close to the species, or I have hooked myself into them somehow, grabbed on strongly to their essence and feeding on it like a vampire. In the past, before I used the term constelic and tried to force my stels into kintypes (often only one at a time), I have greedily indulged in absorbing all I could. To BE these species, to approximate them as well as I could.

It differs from what I truly am deep down. What I could call my kintype is ME. For the other forms I take, being able to take these forms and be fluid between them, is who I am. When a stel is phasing, I sometimes can't distinguish it, so completely can I feel like I become them. I wondered what would happen once I embraced the label of constelic, and indeed some of my main constels have had me question if they weren't kintypes for a second as they took over. However, they always phase out again, and are eventually replaced by another, or return full force.

I really like the label constelic because it shows who I am in all the facets that I can exist. At the same time, it explains they are not quite as kintypes, even though I identify as them periodically. As stels phase, I will likely keep reblogging art and photos of what I am. I also plan to keep writing about my main constels' noemata or talk about new or less frequent stels as they pop up. For now I am likely to focus a little more on my oneiric identity and being constelic in general, but if anyone wants to know anything about any of my constels, or other experiences; please ask me anything! I love talking about my alterhumanity as well as getting to reflect more on it.

[crazytiger6]

Sooo.. @pokemon-ash-aus gave the idea of ‘P2’ versions of ourselves so I drew this for fun

But this got me thinking about my lore.. so imma talk about it

The new characters in the picture (Inhibitor and SW-8) don’t really match my actual sonas at the bottom, but I figured that didn’t matter because their ‘true’ form is literally nothingness and they can shapeshift into whatever form they want.

This got me thinking, maybe Catalyst and Inhibitor aren’t 2 different beings but one that are from different timelines. Where Catalyst ran away sad from the wild universe he visited (https://www.tumblr.com/crazytiger6/736338889348972544/the-following-story-may-or-may-not-be-canon-i paragraph 5), Inhibitor realized he could do whatever he wanted and fought back against the bullies becoming a supervillain of sorts. (Don’t ask me how SW-8 fits in I do not know :P)

But this had me thinking, beings that have traveled between universes shouldn’t be able to create new timelines other than the initial entrance to a universe, as that would cause many duplicates of the same being who’ll all likely try to leave at the same time and then you have a mess of almost identical characters all in one place.

The solution, therefore is instead of different choices causing an in-universal timeline split, it causes an extra-universal timeline split, where the entirety of every universe contained in the Void Between Worlds is separated. Most universes remain completely unaffected, especially through small changes.

The new thing now, is that with major differences between hyper-universal timelines, such as the Void Being (that’s what I’m calling pre-name Catalyst now) becoming Inhibitor instead of Catalyst, embracing the nature of the Void instead of taming it. This only directly affects 2 universes, the universe that Inhibitor now rules over, and the universe Catalyst created. On Catalyst’s side the wild universe continues as it always had, and his own universe exists, however on Inhibitor’s side, the wild universe is now ruled by Inhibitor and the universe that would be created by Catalyst, doesn’t come into existence.

There is more than just the direct impacts though, there are a lot of universes that get indirectly affected by this choice. CT-6 doesn’t talk to Anew in the Void (small change https://www.tumblr.com/sendinganew/737143310589804544/ct-6-ah-its-been-a-while-since-ive-been-back) along with any characters who would go to talk to µ-0 and co. not having done that, Zephyr continues to explore the multiverse (potentially big change, depending on Zephyr’s actions), and any universes that would be visited by µ-0 and friends after the machine is finished no longer get visited.

Big difference between Hyper-universal/Void time is that while it still progresses forwards, it takes a lot more energy to travel backwards in time. Time traveling backwards in the Void Between Worlds is one of the few things that Catalyst cannot do on his own. And you have to be VERY careful if you do manage to do it, because causing a paradox could potentially destroy every universe in that branch of the timeline.

I don’t think I have anything else to say, I hope that was understandable, I didn’t read over any of it, feel free to ask questions if you want to know more!

Linked pages:

[rose-thing]

i am NOT human

✨ Introduction post!

this is basically a blog for the parts of my identity i feel i can't share on my main;

- I'm non-human (or alterhuman if you prefer), specifically a shapeshifter

- I'm objectum/objectix (if you dont know, that refers to any attraction (platonic, romantic, sexual, etc.) to objects, concepts and similar)

(there might be more in the future idk)

🏳️‍⚧️ my pronouns are it/its and you can call me Percival or Ghost!

⛔ i am an adult and i do not guarantee that there will be no nsfw topics and there is definitely description of gore

‼️ if you have scopophobia or any issues with talk about/visuals or drawings involving many eyes, block #scopophobia or do not follow me!

also lmk if i should tag any other content warnings

💬 feel free to start a conversation or send an ask! I'm always happy to get to know more of our community or answer questions ^^

(also I'm trans and queer btw (if that wasn't clear) and I'm chronically ill with chronic pain)

↓ details about my non-humanity ↓

🩸As i said, I'm a shapeshifter. i very rarely take anything approximating a human form (the closest i get it vampire and that doesn't happen very often) and usually I'm closer to a beast/creature or something more incomprehensible.

🫀i am aware that i have a biologically human body, but i am not human. my body feels uncomfortable and inaccurate and i often feel trapped, as I'm internally transforming, shifting and growing while my body stays the same. i also regularly have phantom pains because of this (like phantom limb pain)

I don't exactly have a true form, but i have something close to it, which is a huge shadowy mass of many many eyes.

👁️‍🗨️ if you have any questions about being a shapeshifter or something, feel free to ask! I'm always open to talk about it

[kabartmatzu]

Oookaaay… Here is Marinette Dupain-Cheng aka Ladybug. There is not many doodles like in Chloe’s drawing because I didn’t want to lol. I worked on Ladybug waay before Chloe and I tried so many designs and I worked on this drawing for days because of my job so I kinda got bored of drawing her. But I will draw her more later, dw!

Now I want to tell a little about my design choices rather than her story. She is not so different from show anyway. I deleted her creepiness and made her “not wearing same outfit everyday”. Lmao. Also she talks a lot about fashion in every kind of situation. She is a talented person in many kind of things. She is kind, friendly and cares about others more than herself. I kept her clumsiness but not as annoying as in the show. She is late to school not because she over sleeps but because she spends so much time on her clothing I thought. She got miraculous on high school but story takes time in their university years. Nino is her high school friend. She met with Alya in university. They are roommates in dorm.

So there are rules I follow when I design their hero outfits. Like keep the eyes same as kwamii’s eyes. And there are some features every holder keeps. I mean for all the Ladybug users, they’ve got that black dot on their head and they can’t cover it. That’s why her fringe (?) is short. Also Marinette would like her hair out of her way. Or they get elytra and wings. Yes she got wings so does Queen Bee ( even tho i forgot to draw ) but they can’t fly I thought. They just can glide with them because wings are not big enough for a human to fly. Or Cat users always get ears. All users get sharper faces so they become unrecognizable also their skin tone changes a little. Ladybug users get redder Bee users get yellower etc.

So for Marinette I tried giving her Chinese symbols like some other redesigns. I would like to show it but I can’t get it thanks to Autodesk getting crushed :/ I like that design but still I didn’t went with that. I felt like it doesn’t help with the secret identity thing. So I went with reds over black like real ladybugs. 🐞 I also wanted white dots a lot because of, again, real ladybugs. But I didn’t like them so I added circles over black dots. I am not sure if it looks too complicated but I kinda liked them. Yellow would be good too with red and black but every character would have yellow on them if I did so. Chat Noir and Hawkmoth has yellow details in my redesigns that you will see in the future. (Kinda want to give that they are related they are son and father thing with same yellow lines. I thought its cute.) Queen Bee is also yellow soo I didn’t add yellow on Ladybug. Two stripes on her hips for ladybug’s third set of legs if that makes sense. Her legs and arms are black because ,again, ladybugs are like that. I also thought she added her ladybug thing on her neck after seeing Cat Noir’s bell hehehe. I like pig tails but I really wanted “antennas” to come from her hair so I changed them into buns and I kinda liked them.

Also about her earrings looking like triangles, in my version kwamiis can shapeshift and miraculouses are kind of a part of them so they also can change miraculouses looks. So Marinette has shapeshifting earrings so she doesn’t have to keep buying new earrings lmaoo. It is also good for hiding their identity!

For her powers I will make a post and explain my version of the power system so I will explain her powers there but let me tell you no.miraculous.ladybuging. No fixing every damage. No. Also her yoyo will have more abilities so does other users weapons. I don’t think I will keep the communication thing where they use them as phones. But I want yoyo to has the abilities in the 2D version. Like using it as smoke bomb or as a shield. Her elytra is also like a shield but she can’t take it in her hand. It always stays in her back. Or she can separate her yoyo from middle and make it kinda like nunchucks. I will draw those to explain better.

Also… I am not sure how she will use her creation power. I mean she creates something with her yoyo i mean lucky charm. But Chat Noir looks like he gets his destruction power from his ring. Did you get what I mean? I thought maybe Marinette should get the thing she created from her earrings and make all other users like that but like how Queen Bee’s venom will work then? Or Rena Rouge’s power?? I am not sureee. Maybe I should make them all use their weapons to use their powers or I can make all of them different? Any idea?

[cheap-jumpscare]

ranting abt being kanade yoisaki.... if ur uncomfy with doubles, scroll away !!!!!!!1

raghhhhh i need white hair and my hair needs 2 be straight n long...... sighs. i already have blue eyes n im already extremely pale so thumbs up but ugh. i shld be skinnier too and that is related :|

i cant tell if im fickin or not but i rlly do wish i looked like. me? ive even always ACTED like me. im just. Kanade Yoisaki. this is the one "just like me fr.." character that's been CONSISTENT.

i was watching a video essay my meowtual Vriska made and SIGHS yeah. its >here< btw pls watch it. very good art and a very cool survey !!

^ but in relation to that I had a mini realization sorta. if i am a kanade fictionkin then i AM just Kanade. there would be no seperation between me and Kanade Yoisaki. if i AM fictionkind then I wouldn't be a "kanade kinnie" id BE kanade. just like how Vriska's whole video is about how fickind tend to suppress their identity to be more palatable. its just so hard to figure out if i AM fickindddd :|

and even then i dont feel like id be exactly like 'canon' me. id be different. id have several traits and such that i always have said I 'headcanon' Kanade with. maybe thats just me bein a bit Sillymode but urghfghg.

im just like i am in the game. i dont go outside regularly because the sun hurts my eyes, bright lights in general suck (though this may just be because my eyes are a lighter color- qwant it its weird), im very serious about music and i do believe it CAN save people, im not very good at personal hygiene and yet inexplicably im considered ~generally~ attractive by, at the very least, my parents. I've mentioned all that before, though. Plus preferring online school.

another thing i want to say bc i feel like it. everytime i see anyone else who's also a character i Am (ex, someone else who's Kanade) i dont ever get bothered. bc my brain rationalizes it through 'multiverse theory.' TL;DR 'doubles' dont bother me because i believe in infinite alternate realities and that if someone else is also kanade then they're just a kanade from an alternate reality. does that make sense?

i still feel a disconnect between the kanade in prosekai and myself- the kanade i am. enough to where i can refer to her in the 3rd person comfortably. im not the same as her. there's differences, I can feel them. ill just refer to Kanade in the game as 'canon!kana'/'canon!me' because that's easiest;

the biggest difference between us is that, well, canon!me is human. she also isn't explicitly trans in any direction, and is also a hard worker. all of that is stuff that doesnt apply. im trans- im queer in every sense of the word. every inch of my identity is a little weird, a little 'out of the norm.' No part of me can be easily described to a lot of people. I do know, thankfully, that people in the real world can be accepting. My Nana supports xenogenders and she's in her early 70s. Granted, I am her main source of information on neurodivergency and queer identity, but I'm able to unbiasedly explain terms and gently guide her in the right direction. I would feel safe in admitting I am not human, and do not like physically being so. I'm lazy- admittedly due to depressive symptoms, but I do not like work. I generally just hate having to do physical activity- even just in-general work. The reason I'm almost-failing all of my classes in highschool is because I hate working for more than a few minutes at a time, especially consecutively.

Of course, I will say I am not a person who really experiences delusions. That isn't to say those who do are lesser or that I'm better- it's just a simple fact. I specify that because this is the 'piss on the poor' website. I can seperate my physical body right now as I physically am from my possible fictionkinnity- at this current moment I am (at the very least biologically) not a shapeshifter like I often call myself. I am human, I am biologically a perisex female, etc. I don't like to see myself like that. I am Uta, yes. But Uta isn't a human. Uta is Kanade Yoisaki. Uta is a shapeshifter. In some way or another, I am nonhuman- or otherwise 'different.' I always have been.

idk. im just kanade. i dont properly know what i mean by it, other than. well. I Am Kanade. and that's really all there is to it.lon

[goldmanguyperson]

Please don’t send me donation asks. They won’t get posted here. I’m really sorry, but I want you to know that your time is better spent with someone else.

(post features potentially triggering and general uncomfortable content under the manifesto section)

I might sometimes post musings about sexual ideas and i will be horny on main sometimes, but i will always tag it properly. Under the tag “nsft”. i also have exclusive tag “#gold goes crazy on main” that you can blacklist if you dont wanna blacklist the more general tags for your own reasons. i also have an NSFW Tumblr account under the name veganvore (i just think the name is funny, sorry vegan vorers). i will block accounts that do not state that they are an adult over there, which reminder, will also prevent me from seeing your stuff. ALSO THERE IS NSFW IN MY LIKES, and it might not be tagged well or use the same system I do

I try to tag for commonly triggering content but i sometimes forget for stuff like bugs because i simply dont find them scary or upsetting. if you really cant handle seeing a bug at any capacity then my blog probably isnt for you. I consider bugs in less scientific context to be all of pancrustacea, but i tag spiders separately because some people fear them uniquely, and i do not tend to tag for crustaceans such as shrimp or crabs because discomfort around those is less common. I tag very plainly; I do not use cw or tw, I just flat out tag the thing as itself. i also try to tag for all animal death and dead animals, including bugs and fish (which are tagged separately because i know not everyone reacts to dead bugs or fish the same as mammals or birds or reptiles)

I do not tag syscourse as syscourse anymore because I get too many people who I don’t want to speak to when I do. replacement tag is #really stupid shit you dont wanna see

If your dni has an identity that i identify with on there then know i am not not interacting with you out of respect, i am not interacting with you because you are a fucking asswipe. Be a better person. People who believe they know more about me than me, or use trauma as an excuse to be bigoted and stay bigoted, do not have my respect.

Liberal blocker

intro post for NERDS!

im gold just call me gold. Or, my other names include tank and any model/(appropriate. none of the bigoted ones) nickname of tank, plane, or nuclear bomb (aside from fat man or little boy or enola gay for hopefully obvious reasons). i will respond best if it is very clearly directed at me or is one of my favorite vehicles/bombs: tsar bomba, kv-1, molodets, locust, chaffee, whatever whatever

my pronouns are he/him (normal caps), He/Him, and HE/HIM. i stole pronouns from god and HIM from the powerpuff girls

trans and gay full of autism adhd yum

im a shapeshifter otherkin. I am othervague for all these things (swings between kin, hearted, and link): birds, machines, and ‘pedes (millipedes and centipedes). am werebear; this is not a physical identity, i just much prefer to use the “were” term for it rather than otherkin, as it feels much more correct. But really, i can be anything. i have experienced a whole range of nonhuman stuff, cuz shapeshifter. if i post in a more specific tag know i am not attempting to like… invade, or anything. i do actually be feeling that way

Russia place/countrykin. not a putin supporter or even a nationalist; Слава Україна. more connected to the land and its “memories” than anything else. if this confuses you please read my post: Nationalists do not love their country

i am plural. im fuckitgenic. I reject the entire genic label system. you dont get to know how traumatized or not i am, cuz i dont even fucking know either. I don’t even think it’s that relevant. I am because i am, we are because we are, trying to look back into this life to see why it turned out this way is, in our opinion, just not fucking worth our time.

You probably wont see my headmates here as they struggle to form words for outside use, but you still might.

headmates you might see include:

The Eagle (he is a bald eagle)

The Nothing Beast (a big jet black dromeosaurid-like monster with back spines. actually quite nice. speaks in all caps)

Sputnik-1 (introject of the satellite). Profile is @satellite-one!

Bear (a spirit bear. might come off a bit mean. Bear is often just trying to protect us, but Bear also struggles with friendly or respectful communication)

Alan @amcomputer

if you start complaining about “uehhh but i have to know if youre traumatized to know how valid you are!!!” im going to skewer you like a shrike. we do not take kindly to prescriptive labeling.

i am posic (Perception of Object Sentience, Individuality, and Consciousness). I don’t believe objects speak to me and i dont believe they are externally alive, but i feel like they should be. it happens especially with military vehicles and nuclear missiles. when i look at them i feel a similar sense of life i feel when i look at an animal. is it weird? Oh yeah. It is. i have thought about this a lot and i can expand on it in another post if wanted.

im also objectum and conceptum tbe american flag is my boyfriend im sorry… I hate the government and i hate borders and i understand it would be better for countries to not have influence over material reality and all that shit (i am an anarchist. winning) but countries as a concept beyond reality are really important to me please understand. nationalists hate him (me) actually

carrd (mentions nsfw topics)

neocities (wip)

tags

#shut up! the eagle’s talking! - essays and personal experiences [not in use]

#this is chrome ball radio - My headmate Sputnik’s thoughts and feelings. [not in use—@satellite-one]

#gold goes crazy on main - mentioned above. though not actually just plain horny stuff, more for musings that may be sexual and have to do with me personally and I GUESS I LIED!!! ITS HORNY

#and that eagle? well. hah. It was me - just stuff about eagles. Any kind. i love eagles

#falconer hood experiences - Dreams that i have. theyre crazy. you will want to read

#first past the posting - USpol. Some of it isnt totally USpol (first past the post, the namesake, is a pretty prevalent issue in plenty of modern day democracies), but i live in the US so it’s what im probably thinking about

#galaxies of valleirkro - My spore stuff. Many permutations. Species will be tagged #valleirkro (species name), for example #Valleirkro Zoxun. Characters will be tagged their full name, such as #ikli-kit keletet.

#M.A.D. or Mutually Assured Destruction - Sentient country stuff that got out of hand and now is basically sci fi alternate history about learning to love each other and rise up against the powerful people and ideas keeping us apart. Characters will be tagged #M.A.D. (character name), as they only have a single peopley name. For example, #M.A.D. Maximilian. I do not tag them as the countries they are if I have a name for them, mostly because I don't want confusion when speaking of them in the same breath as the actual country. if you want to know which is which, do not be afraid to ask - i usually try to choose names that are of cultures and languages in the country, but I know not everyone is familiar with other languages, and many names are found across multiple cultures. Curious about what the fuck the ‘canon’ i keep talking about is or why not all characters seem to act in a way you’d expect? read this post.

#gold's Starmen - Characters that can traverse the multiverse. Characters are mostly of the species Arvien; flat-faced bird people (yes made out of a desire to try to get away from the country stuff. i know yes, it did not work. but now i have a whole new world so it's cool). Species get tagged as #Starmen (species), for example #Starmen Arvien. Characters get tagged their full name, for example #Zakul Kuzarus. Sometimes exceptions are made for characters that do not have a "full" name. They instead have their species name after their name, like in #Ihsek Xek.

#0001 or One Past Zero - Sentient machines! Primarily focused on old military vehicles despite the time period it’s set in (i have very obvious interests lol). Group of sapient nukes go boom (because thats the only way i know to start a story i guess) and send the world into a new era with very weird problems like uhhh world war 3. Characters mostly tagged “(name) (vehicle type)” because many do not have more than one name, like in #Yaroslav KV-1.

#black hole stuff and #black hole guys - I like black holes, and characters with black hole symbolism/heads make me go googoo

sometimes i post stuff under the tag “#strano shari”. this is because i made the mistake of thinking about the very scary looking russian state sponsored countryballs comics again. it is called страно шары (can be romanized as strano shari). every single time i post about it my research will go nowhere and you will want to stop me. you cannot stop me. you should probably filter this tag if you dont want nightmares

manifesto (sort of like a dni + its opposite but i actually explain things to ease my anxiety and autism) if you dont wanna read this thats fine but dont be surprised when i say something you dont like lol

Almost anyone is welcome here. But if you believe that you know more than other people do about their own identity then go away. Disgusting shit. Begone

that being said you cannot change your race. racial emotional limbo should only belong to people who are mixed race. You can find ways to participate in another culture without being the race often associated with it. many people would be much happier to show you their culture if you weren’t trying to identify as the race associated with it. Begone

I cant believe this is something that needs to be said anywhere but if you are an apologist for imperialism, capitalism, or authoritarianism, or are otherwise a supporter of any of this shit, fuck you. USSR, Russia, USA, China, Israel, Nazism, whatever i dont care. they all suck and you shouldnt be trying to blanket excuse them. Begone

I am a trans man and i believe in bigotry that is specifically targeted towards us because i live in the real world as a trans man. you guys are just weird. radical feminism is not a solution, as it accepts gender binaries and traditional gender roles as immutable truth, and refuses to see the complex intersections between identities due to saying gender is the only thing that matters socially (like really guys? class is definitely more important). it can only ever be regressive and bigoted for these reasons

go away if you indulge in zoophilic or pedophilic content. hope it’s obvious why. indulging in lusting after real ass living beings who cannot consent is fucking weird as shit. Begone

I do not care what kinks you have as long as you arent (nonconsensually) hurting anyone. yes i mean any of them. Yes even whatever one youre thinking about. i dont care. all i care about is that any that can be safely done irl are practiced safely.

transage is fine. its not about pedophilia, that is a 4chan smear campaign cuz they thought it was fucking weird. it is about age regression and trauma and that kinda shit, idk, just read up on chronosian identity or something if you want. Also the things we associate with certain ages are more often than not socially constructed and so like idk, fuckin whatever dude. Begone

if you think age regression is bad then you do not know what it is. it is also not pedophilic in nature, it is often about comfort and often is a trauma or anxiety response. Please research and talk to real people before assuming something is bad just cuz it sounds weird. Begone

mspec lesbians are cool. “contradictory” labels are cool. my (real physical person) boyfriend is every letter of the queer alphabet and every person who hates a contradictory label will face our combined wrath. Begone

medicalism die begone. scientists do not know everything and often even science itself goes against “medicalist” beliefs. Minds are actually super crazy and weird and science understands this. If you are happier, or more at peace, and more able to understand and work with yourself because of a label and the support that comes with it then it is a good one.

^ includes “not supporting” endogenic systems by the way. Begone

creating headmates is fine (i think most of my headmates were accidentally created) but tulpa terminology is based upon a pretty heavy series of cultural appropriations of Buddhism (have you ever heard of “chakras are connected to your organs”? yeah. thats not true. thats a western idea that comes from the kinda colonial concept that we can force an eastern religion into the originally western conception of science as almighty truth that everything must tie to to be considered real by anybody, and the western idea of tulpas are mainly from this version of buddhism). Asian religions and cultural practices are already a really big target for western cultural appropriation, maybe we shouldn’t add to that, okay? i mean i wont tell you to go away like i have for the others here. and i actually wont tell you that its absolutely not okay because this is a pretty complex little cranny of reality. but i do ask you to perhaps be a little more conscious of how this stuff all connects

it is okay to be wrong

bangalangadooda

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

So yes, im coming up on the end of my detox. During this time, ive actually learned a LOT because simply, im not glued to my phone 24/7.

Society pushes this idea that we NEED phones. That without your portable dopamine box you arent cool, or normal, or whatever the hell they choose to say.

Ive found clarity in my life. Ive focused more on my witchcraft and learning the craft itself. Ive danced in the rain and felt the rhythm of the earth, its heart beating beneath my feet. Ive started to learn Finnish even better than before, and my studies on homework have become so much easier because im not as distracted.

If it was up to me, i would never go back to being glued to my dopamine box. But...

If anyone who is following me and knows of my Amino, Ive been gone from it for awhile now. I worry that certain rules arent being enforced, or its becoming a hateful place. I left it in the hands of my staff, of course, but i still worry...

But regardless, Ill see if I can get an app that allows me to run mobile apps on my computer. I dont want to go back to using my phone unless i have to.

(Keep reading if you wanna see what I have to say about shapeshifting and stuff. I dont want this post to be eons of scrolling to those who dont want to read about it.)

Now, onto the important stuff that people might be asking me.

"Rio, did you fully m-shift and achieve your goals of shifting???" Well... no. Sadly.

Life has been really hectic, so Ive been focusing on the important, human stuff in my life, and have been struggling with balancing the important, animal stuff in my life. Im not going to lie, its easier to do now than it was before, but I still have to put effort into it.

With p-shifting, well... recently Ive been reading a lot of hate on p-shifting in general, how its wrong, how much actual stigma surrounds it, and im in a ditch when it comes to believing it will actually happen. Ive watered down my beliefs so many times for others online recently, that im questioning that they are true.

I know that they arent true. But, I know for a fact that even if I never p-shift, I will still be happy being who I am. Its a constant itch, and constant scratch to be who I really am, but I honestly believe that even if I never do p-shift, I will never stop being here, being a shifter and being happy.

In the end thats all its really about, seriously. Arent we just trying to be happy with ourselves, our identity, our lives? It hurts to even go a step outside of the shifting community, and see hours and hours of people talking about how horrible it is, how manipulative, how impossible it is. It makes me want to hide again in my little bubble and forget I ever saw it.

But it brings a sort of... clarity I guess? Many people who have never been apart of the community or have even ventured in will say "its impossible to do".

People who have been hurt, or have seen the hurt caused by misinformation and misguidance of shapeshifting will almost always say "p-shifting is manipulative, horrible, the people within it are blah blah blah blah blah...."

People who are apart of it but havent p-shifted will say "Ive seen so many success stories, Ive even seen my own progress with it and im really happy" And people who have shifted... well they either disappear quite quickly, or their stories are lost to deaf ears.

And after years and years of feeling like I have to fight against these people, show how I am, show the truth and understand it all... I feel domesticated by the reality that is always, constantly shoved in my face.

Nobody cares. Im trapped within society and I cant escape. I will never be free. I will never, ever be my animal. I am delusional for even believing it.

vitut.

I know that currently in my life, I am where I am. I cannot change it, because I am not old enough to. I know that I have and must make do with what I have, instead of wishing for things I do not have. Cougars are adaptable, we are survivors and change with our enviornment.

There will ALWAYS be time to be who I am. There will always be chance after chance after chance for me, I just have to grab it.

And ive noticed that I no longer have to force every single m-shift. It feels like just thinking about it, about mountain lions causes a shift. Ive gotten so comfortable in my living situation ive been vocalizing as my animal, jumping around on all fours and feeling like my animal.

Sometimes I worry that Ive become so obsessed with trying to m-shift that Ive forgotten that theres still more beyond it. While writing this post, I feel... excited for my future. I feel like p-shifting can happen to me. I feel like I am almost close to permanently m-shifting.

And let me tell you a little secret about m-shifting.

(There is no trigger for when you permanently m-shift. There is no way to actually know by just reading what others say it feels like. There is no actual way to do it.)

Permanently m-shifting to me, simply feels like a comfortableness with my animal. It feels safe, and okay to be who I am. And personally for me, after years of m-shifting, trust is what has brought me to where I am. (This might not be the case for everyone lol, figure out whats going on with yourself instead of using what I say to be the end all for you and your problems!) I was honestly afraid of my other side. That it was dangerous, wild, would hurt someone. I was also afraid that I would never actually get here and do this, because my mental shifts arent as strong or frequent as others. I was also afraid that it wouldnt work. So, so afraid that I would mess up and fail.

But I've learnt that... I am in control of myself. And being an animal IS myself. I have the control to be safe, and not harm others. We all do. Its an idea that has been presented to us through media, stigma, ableism and society itself. We always talk of people "losing control" or "flying off the handle". Werewolves are seen as beings who will rip your face off if they get mad.

We arent like that, you know that, right? I had to trust that I would be in control of my m-shifts. And even if my control has slipped, (such as when I had an m-flare in the middle of gym class) I was able to quickly recover because it wasnt appropriate at school to start running on all fours and hiding beneath the bleachers.

Ive also learnt that no, you cannot fail while m-shifting. There is no right or wrong way to m-shift. There is no way to fail an m-shift. M-shifting is just allowing yourself to be more animal-like, allowing your animal to be safe and comfortable with itself. Its complicated to explain the connection between our animal selves, and our human selves, but the most basic (not too accurate) way to explain it is that we are each other. You are your animal, and your animal is you. As you m-shift more this makes more sense, and you find your own meaning to what your connection, and your animal's connection is.

Regardless, even if I took breaks. Even if I wasnt dedicated, or spent all of my time m-shifting. I still am getting closer. What matters is the fact that you still care about it, and will do it when you can. Its unrealistic to believe someone could constantly be m-shifting actively, most circumstances make it very hard to do so. (Especially mine. I have divorced houses, 2 AP classes im taking, problematic siblings, responsibilities...)

It feels like learning a new language in a sense. Like, to m-shift is to constantly m-shift. To learn a new language is to constantly immerse yourself in it. Well... we cant really do that, so instead we go with short bursts of doing this, with interspersed passive learning, or attempting to m-shift when we can.

And nobody is barred from m-shifting. Let me let you know. NOBODY IS BARRED FROM M-SHIFTING!! Some people I know feel stuck, like they cannot m-shift. That its only involuntary. Listen. Listen listen listen.

There are many different ways to m-shift. So many!! Lots of people say "I cant meditate, and so ill never m-shift." Thats NOT true. Thats not true. I literally cant meditate lol.

And its not really attempting to voluntarily force a shift using triggers and stuff. I just think about it and try to feel more immersed in my senses, allow my perspective of life to shift more animal-like. AND, m-shifts do NOT have to be large, explosive things that change your whole reality and how you think and you want to crawl on all fours and you feel yourself p-shifting and fur-

Nah nah nah. Most shifts people will experience, at least how i know it, will be small, tiny shifts that you most likely wont notice unless you pay attention to it. Even if you arent trying to m-shift in the moment, even thinking about it may cause you to fall into a light shift. You do not need to have very impactful m-shifts to m-shift.

And I wont lie, my friend @dakotathewolf has helped me a lot, even with the endless ramblings on both ends (lol) I feel like we have both grown as people and understand more because of what we have taught each other.

I hope this helps you, dakota, along with anyone else who needs it.

[werevyote]

In Both Machine and Blood

I was asked by another machine to talk about my experiences with dysphoria, I thought of might as well share here. This is heavy towards being a disassembly drone (link) fictionkin; but can be seen in a different light if you wish

Messy essay/ramble under the cut, feel free to read on my Dreamwidth or Neocities instead

Dreamwidth | Neocities

This is a bit of another downer to write, however, I was asked on Twitter by another machine to write something in depth about my experiences as another machine with dysphoria, or in this case, dysphoria with being a machine/drone. It's a bit too much to write for a small thread so I'm finally using this site for what its worth. Of course, this whole thing is a big unorganized essay/ramble about my personal experiences. Parts of it is specific to myself as a disassembly drone, other parts in general of being robotic. I go into detail about species dysphoria and picking at myself in detail, read with caution if this is a troubling topic to you.

To start off, while I am a coyote, I am a coyote or koyanthropic shapeshifter, meaning I am anything and everything coyote and take many forms. Of course, one of those things are being a machine. I am also fictionkin, specifically I am V from the indie series Murder Drones, or at the very least I know for a fact I am a Disassembly Drone. Both of these identities interlink with each other often enough I more or less see myself a V if she was a coyote and/or a coyote Disassembly Drone. That being said, this is my writings regarding dysphoria, longing, and my daydreams with my body.

It's not to say I don't mind living in a fleshy body. I know who I am at my core, as both a coyote and as a machine. I am at peace with that. Yet, I do have an underlying feeling and voice that always lurks and some days more present, it reminds me of my limits in this body. Like an annoyance, a little itch that is just barely under your skin but dug in too deep to properly itch. It reminds me of the large and the little things about my body that feels so different than what it should be.

A common discussion I will see within the alterhuman community when it comes to dysphoria is external body shape. The lack of fur to the lack of claws, or the lack of tail and the lack of ability to do quads. Yet, I often enough don't see discussion that involve the internals of our body, unless it's from other machines. I wonder if it's some kind of shared experience to focus on our inside as much as our outside.

Regardless, my body feels odd. It feels almost sick, as if my body has been melting from the inside with how soft it can be. Even my own bones feel less like metal and more of rusted pipes. My CPU feels fuzzy, like it has had liquids spilled on it before and wasn't cleaned off of me fast enough to avoid causing damage. Often enough that thought makes me wonder if that's why my body is so limited to this form, a damaged CPU and a flimsy body is unable to support heavy changes, such as changing my form to switching my paws to weapons when I desire them. Making myself excuses to describe and reach for made up explanations for myself.

When it comes to my body however, as V specifically, I am wildly different than my canon body, it makes it easy to separate myself from her in the canon and me of who I am, which isn't a good feeling. I am not as tall or sleek, my hands are stuck. I often enough get this trapped sense of energy in my wrists and arms, where I could, where I should be able to swiftly exchange my hands for weapons or attached items, but alas we all know that doesn't occur or is possible. I feel an almost "off balance" with myself without a long tail to help add weight to my back. I believe in a way that I feel almost (?) less expressive with my emotes and actions without my tail (either as a coyote or as a disassembly drone), I already am more or less monotone in nature, the lack of the limb only adds onto it. Without surprise, this would apply to my wings, the lack of them adding on or just the strange absence of them.

I think my main issues with myself isn't entirely my physically appearance in itself, I think most of it is my physical limitations. I know I've touched on it time and time again, even going as far as writing another essay about the subject (link), which is something I have no need to repeat. More or less everything I have written in that previous ramble would apply to here.

Flying, a common topic of the winged and those who take flight in the alterhuman discussion. Koyanthropic shifters can fly, disassembly drones fly. I should be able to fly. Outside of the common yearning for freedom, to feel yourself cut through the air, I think my sense of grounding and safety is shortened without it. Disassembly drones wings are tough, bulletproof, sharp, and could be used as weapons. The sense of safety comes with them, to rip through air away from danger or to aid yourself and your pack/teammates in danger. I feel a little more vulnerable than I should be without my wings. Without my physical form as a disassembly drone in general.

However, in the end of the day, the week, in my lifetime, I am content where I am at. I feel I am more machine internally than externally. Comparison with how complex machines work, especially how I would view drones in the show, I am able to find many similarities that ease my running mind

I often imagine our blood being oil, just more rusted to add to the red color. Yet, it is still oil that keeps our body cool and our body functioning. Our core acts in similar ways of a heart, alive, moving, pumping with synthetic life. From how our bodies keep their forms with muscle, bones, and tissue, no different from their metal, synthetic skin, plastic, and wires. Our veins hold blood as their tubes are full of oil. We certainly can be seen as fairly close to them, as to how I see myself. How I am just another drone in a different model, how my body functions in similar ways and even carry some physical similarities. It leaves me more content, a little easier with my mind. It doesn't erase the aching feeling and dysphoria no, but it can be fun to see how close we really can be to them.

stamps credit

[paragonrobits]

shapeshifting as a power set i need to think about for my characters has honestly been the bane of my writing experience but not in the way you think! I don't dislike shapeshifting; i love shapeshifting. I love the ideas it offers, transforming into different forms or combining multiple aspects of animal shapes to create composite chimeras or humanoid monster forms! I love the idea of a character being able to go 'hmm, today i will be four feet tall, have six arms and SO MANY EYES, also maybe translucent skin to REALLY Freak out the squares, maybe add in a few intestinal tracts that make DOING noises'

i love the concept of my characters being able to assume a wide variety of forms based on context or just them wanting to do it; i love the possibilities it involves, the possible questions it can be used to interrogate identity. I love the idea of different shapeshifters having differing transformations because one does it to assume their ideal form while another one has little attachment to their body as a component of their identity and transforms into cool things

however what really ANNOYS ME is that its hard to put it in, because as much as I fundamentally just want shapeshifting as a way for characters to transform themselves and open up design possiiblities or just go 'whatever i have four arms today', in practice I always dread the idea of having to ask the question of why they don't weaponize their shapeshifting or use it in ways I'm not interested in doing for that specific character. I don't want them to pick locks with their fingers, there's other things to do with it, so i want to avoid that kind of response??

so its just really frustrating to figure out. So here's a few possible ideas I've thought of over time:

Shapes must be earned. What this means varies; they may have to bargain to assume a form from the spirits of animals, drink the blood/dreams/whatever from someone with the form they want (and then tailor it later on). They can't just assume whatever form they imagine. However, they can combine any element or feature FROM those forms freely; shapeshifting is therefore largely a question of how many shapes you can stockpile in your library, what limitations apply, and what this effect can have on your mind. (Some other possibilities can include these shapes having their own reality; it is possible to gain shapes of other people and gain their powers, but you must assume those forms to a big degree to use that, and its not necessarily a good thing for your mind. Additionally, if you get hurt while shapeshifted, that form must heal, forcing you to retain that form; they also don't normally benefit from your own strength increasing, so you must train those forms as well or otherwise they remain the same strength or qualities indefinitely.)

free transformation! They can assume whatever form they like. However, this doesn't necessarily mean its functional; growing wings doesn't mean you can fly, and you need a whole bunch of other modifications you might not know how to do. Mass is a real issue with this one; you can grow bigger, but that might not make you stronger unless you can find a way to acquire more mass. Functional transformations are hard to do.

Transformation as an expression of identity; taking it to a literal extreme, a shapeshifter can assume whatever shape they like and tweak it to extreme degrees, but they cannot assume a form that they don't vibe with, good or ill. (This can be used for characterization, if they have an easy time assuming horrific or gross forms but not conventionally beautiful ones, indicating on some level they don't WANT to belong, they want to demand the world accept them without having to be pretty about it.)

Shapeshifting is a common power, but exactly what it involves depends on the other spells and abilities a person has. You can assume that spells can be used as a sort of add-on, giving additional powers for shapeshifting but are NOT universal; you need to have the powers to enhance strength if you want to become stronger, for example. Magic has 'weight', in this context, and shapeshifting is an ultimate expression of self-hood.

Related to the above, shapeshifting is an incredibly basic power that most people can do to some degree. Doing complex hacks like growing mega-muscle fiber for super strength is NOT something you can do that easily, though; getting the magical weight to weaponize transformations is actually a lot harder than it sounds. (In the same way, disguise shapeshifting is rarely effective; something about magic ensures that people immediately recognize you regardless of shape.) 6. Freeform shapeshifting and exploits are TOTALLY possible, but in this context, magic often works a bit like Vancian magic; you need to 'equip' magical capabilities over a notable amount of time, and this equipment is what you can actually do with magic. Shapeshifting that can be exploited in the sense of 'functionally being able to have every power by transforming the right way' CAN happen, but it takes a truly monumental amount of magic space that takes a very long time to do, and few people want to do that. Even those who dedicate themselves to it mostly only can consistently produce a few different techniques. (Consequently, in the setting, shapeshifting into your ideal body is easy or otherwise tailoring your look. Using it for practical or offensive means is a lot harder.)

[dateamonster]

what’s your opinion on monstrous transformations (both fast and slow), and also more controversially what do you think about having monsters/nonhuman characters serve as minority allegory (as opposed to society’s hate for them being being an allegory)

ohhh hold on this is a rly good question i think abt a Lot actually.

ok getting the first bit out of the way, love a good monstrous transformation. fast, slow, its all good. i personally like gradual slow shifts the most but its a situational thing. transformation is one of those things that like just always has to be symbolic. even more than the degree to which Everything is symbolic ya know. so like context rly matters when it comes to how to invoke it most effectively.

MOVING ON

i think from the phrasing of the ask ur looking for something more along the lines of like. for example shapeshifters as representation of nonbinary people or aliens as representation of different cultures rather than like monsters vs humans as allegory for racism. but im also not sure you can meaningfully separate the two! the latter i think is more overused so it like registers more as an immediate red flag, but its like. if the aliens from avatar werent being violently invaded by humans it wouldnt make like their reskinned stereotypical indigeneity anymore tolerable i dont think.

which isnt to say i think every story that draws connections between fantastical fictional species and real world people are inherently bad. i dont really think theres any trope that i believe cant be handled well by anyone under any circumstance. the super easy fix to bad rep via monster or fantasy creature characters is basically just have actual humans who also represent those same identities and communities and experiences so that the audience isnt drawn to connect the traits of any one group with your fictional species.

the harder fix is to like seriously analyze why you want this character to be a monster and what that says about them and what that says about you and your own experiences and biases and what you actually want to communicate with the inclusion of this character. and when applicable hire a sensitivity reader. its kinda crazy how many pieces of media seem to prefer half-assing the hard way over just doing the easy thing and not assigning the status of token minority to a literal monster.

of course once again all of this is ya know circumstantial. im speaking to like my own experiences and the things ive observed. and its weird too! bc im also speaking as someone who like is trans and nonbinary and thinks of myself and my gender expression as inherently intertwined with monstrosity. and as someone who is autistic and thinks of myself as a changeling. and as someone who is a fat person who represents themself with a pig themed sona. if i talk abt cringeass hollywood blockbusters engaging in High Fantasy Racism i feel like to be fair i kinda have to talk about independent own-voices creators who write stories and make art about their own identities in the lovely language of monstrosity. theres not rly a way to draw a hard line around the former without the risk of catching some of the latter.

so umm as usual i dont rly have a snappy all encompassing answer for how i feel abt this kind of characterization. im simply too much of a Nuance Enjoyer. i do i guess think this is something that generally turns out better when it is someone making art about their own experiences, but also unless i believe minority artists are a monolith, which i dont, i need to accept that artists will inevitably make stuff that is beautiful and resonant to some people and totally repugnant and offensive to others, and that both of those responses can be like totally justified and correct. thats art babey!

anyway slight digression but i think any case where a character feels more like an allegory than a fully fleshed u know Character is gonna flop for me no matter how relatable it is. tbqh, id rather more ppl try and fail to make beautiful grotesque frightening sensually moving monsters out of their lived experiences and their empathetic connections with others than succeed at creating bland toothless universally approachable Good Rep tm. if u know u know. if u feel me u feel me. that is all.

[neurodivenport]

yall mind if iiii ocpost real quick

(under the cut!)

(fc is ellie thatcher!! i've used her twin sister, sophie thatcher as an oc before, but her oc is p much scrapped so shrug. they're not identical to an extreme level anyway) (just because her oc is scrapped doesn't mean my other bionic solider ones are tho!! i still love platt, jed, darcy and sylvie very much)

her name is indamira hines!! but they mostly go by indy (she/they)

they're an ef oc cause they are... a lot more fun to make lol

they're not a shapeshifter per say, just an animal morpher. like beast boy from teen titans, she can only turn into animals. since she isn't fully trained in using them, their hair color changes depending on what animal she turned into for the next few days after. she turned into a possum once and was old lady grey for a week

despite the fact that she has superpowers, she's not a superhero. they never really got into that. the only reason she runs into the crew is because their father is on the list of superheroes roman & riker are after. her father, unlike her, was a superhero, with similar powers to hers.

when the team got there it was too late, though. they had already took her father out. indy, now in a state of mourning, wants to get revenge on roman & riker & their family and ends up joining the ef team despite never wanting to be a superhero in the first place.

okok now that the lore is out. here's some fun facts

was absolutely the weird kid in school. kind of mean but not in an intentional way, just very blunt and earnest. (#allmyocsareautistic) also just has... weird interests anyway. they love spewing random facts about things they know too much about but it's always on the weirder more offputting side.

basically her personality is reminisent of like janis ian from mean girls but less intense

they make weird sculptures in their free time. just tiny, demonic looking, weird ass clay sculptures she has in her room. skylar is the only one on the team who genuinely loves it. she thinks they're funky

alongside that!! they're good at engineering. she started it with making sets for her clay sculptures but just found a love for it as well. sometimes chase finds them in mission command fiddling with his gear

one time adam visited and they went Bear Mode just to prove they could arm wrestle him but he got too excited about the fact that she turned into a bear to even arm wrestle her

basically their... character arc for me, is being in that blind fit of grief and rage over their father, but then realizing that that's not helping her heal. the ef team eventually helps her come back to earth and stay grounded in the life she finds herself in now. revenge is still on their mind, but its less wanting to murder roman & riker in cold blood, and more just wanting to get justice where it's deserved.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

navigating realms

I can only truly know my own experience

though I can listen to another and share theirs with them

I can hold a space where I feel and see their pain

and hold it with a tender warmth that I never knew

until someone found a way to create it for me

in a way my psyche would allow it to be seen

and she can be a bit... complicated and paradoxical

your work wasn't even cut out for you

and still you took up the task like it wasn't a burden

I want to take the entire world into my arms

and heal and love on everything that's hurting

but I'd wince away from anyone doing that for me

it took a lot of clever patience to show me different

I'm still learning who I am under all these masks I devised

and my heart is a wild creature that even I can't predict

I guess I never thought to before

getting to know it again has been quite the adventure

teaching her how to share me again

that's been quite the adventure too

singing was always the way to translate my heart

and whenever I sang there was always you

when I sing now it feels like breathing again

I tap into this realm I always escaped to when

the world seemed to misunderstand everything about me

sometimes after I get done with a song on stage I can't

even remember singing because it feels like I

melted into and embodied the music to join it

I still don't like making mistakes but I'm learning

to make them boldly when I do and hope for the best

it's fun being able to shapeshift across all the different

energies and worlds that each song holds within its notes

when someone wants to sing with me they ask me

what I like to sing and it feels like being put on the spot

I forget everything and tell them I'll sing anything

it's fun to find someone's voice in a song

and find a way to blend mine with it

it's like watercolor in a way

or at least that's how I imagine it

I don't know quite yet what I want to do with this skill

but I love the karaoke community that I found

and so many have stories like mine where the singing

became a healing expression to rediscover a shattered identity

I suppose there's a reason spirit song and soul all work together

my prayer was always song and I guess in a way

every time I sang one of those songs I could find you in

I was hoping to make this entanglement between us glow

for you to feel me somehow and know my heart in a way

I was always too embarrassed to directly say

until I started flinging poetry at the moon and this void

not a conscious plan but one that seemed to work out

today I woke up and my chest felt so light

I love myself and trust others to love me too

welcoming the joy into my body feels like light

it often still makes me cry because I get so overwhelmed

but I don't hide from it anymore and it's not so foreign

my ego did well to help me survive by becoming a stone

and we chisel away at it now that I don't need the armor

I really am capable of handling my intensity

and it's nice not to fear it as much anymore

I was so afraid of my passion and even hated the word

now I want to see what all I can do with it

is this trusting the process without bitterness?

coming down from my queendom of isolation

the scariest thing for me to say used to be no

now I take pleasure in my ability to choose

and I say it as much as I want

no nope can't won't nah don't want to fuck off

there are so many ways to say it

I still have so much to teach this body of mine

that somehow feels like an entirely new vessel

this energy that is mine but feels like a new being

rebirthing myself was harder than delivering three children

but there has to be a reason for that

and the other day when I was reflecting on it

I wrote something about how my purpose here

was to be a lighthouse for others stumbling through the dark

but first I had to learn how to find a way to heal and shine

in a sustainable way that didn't drain or burn me out

you showed me how by becoming a sky full of stars

while I navigated all these years of darkness still in my heart

I had to give the pain in my body somewhere else to live

and every day you showed me something that kept

even my most stubborn ember glowing and warm

special things compiled with only the intention to make me smile

even as I was purging all of this poison I drank because

I thought taking someone else's shame was love

I still fall into the fear and despair and hopelessness

but I'm getting out of it faster and embracing it sooner

it helps a lot that my psychopomp happens to be inspiring

in all the ways that I like and want to be motivated

and it's pretty cool that I just might inspire them too

[boct-kimerakal]

boctlore directory

a good old world masterpost

everything you need to know (well, the basics at least) of my lore worlds that i’ll post about on here, at some point. mostly for archival’s sake.. future boct this goes out to you <3 you wanted me to “get more organised” so here it is.

i SWEAR you’ll find at least one goofy. (hopefully?) let’s just say i’m diverse. there’s more TBA, i’m just the cosmos’ laziest creature.

non-inclusive of my not-original stuff, maybe i’ll make a separate post for that one (looking at you, pondwater from hit indie horror survival game signalis) but here it is gang! 🤍 an ode to all the girlies who talk & think too much.. MY APOLOGIES FOR THE SHEER MUNDANITY OF MY MIND...

The Waiting World - think: neon signs and city streets, think ruins in the forest, think graffiti, think clashing architecture, tension between peoples, think of questions like “what’s yours? what’s mine?” and the indomitable nature of, well, the natural world. the waiting world is a fantasy world focused on an archipelago nation (anjikhani-olahra) - 39 years independent after 171 years under the palms of a number conquering ghonsunwa (earthly realm) nations - as it experiences rapid advancement, a globalising world and unbalanced world power dynamics. a world between worlds (ghosunwa/underworld/knockoff-earth & ghonshogwa/aboveworld) inhabited by some pretty neat-lookin’ guys with horns and tails.

despite all it’s culture, it’s inter-ethnic quarrels, it’s own grand moral debates, it’s fight against pervasiveness of less sanitary aspects of its cultures (invasive, native, a mix of both), it’s fight to preserve identity at all, as well as over what it is achieve modernity - the waiting world is reduced in the eyes of both the other realms to the middleman, a hotspot for smuggling and crime. and stories follow characters as they exist in the context of all of that, pulling at the threads of the world around them. a world, waiting for them to unravel it!

my main guys from this world are trick and hawkes from the [Kau Bakari] plotline and trust me. i can yap about them forever. it was so hard not to

Shifters - an alternate earth where, in 1967, these undefinable entities (basically representing major classes under chordata... categories scare me) called emissaries rolled up! they warned of a ‘storm’ of dead fragments of emissaries. they also offered people the ability to make pledges, adopting the traits of one specific animal species - as shapeshifters. but they’ve always existed, and offered shifting far more selectively before, long ago. why suddenly give more away? was that a reparation for the storm? why are they here? why show themselves now? and the storm? what does this mean?

it’s a world with multiple stories, some intersecting, most others not. my current babygirl storylines are

[Paper Kites] about a jet-setting CEO and her archeologist fiancé, on their way to finding out big secrets about the emissaries. i’m very abnormal about them, i will actually pay you to listen to me talk about them. they’re in aroace love by the way did i mention that.

[Pick-up Sticks] a look into the effects of that CEO and archeologist’s curiosity - oh-so-far-away, the little people hit by a corporate conspiracy, political upheaval and never-before seen shifter tensions

Trip2Temasek - it’s just a silly thing - framed like a classic TTRPG campaign! but with fun flavour. a Singaporean twist, to be exact. six silly pinnacles of Singaporean character tropes. a bird-having, plant-raising void deck uncle (the druid) + an overworked tiger mom (the barbarian) + a deviant 16-year-old ah lian (the rouge) + the perfect prefect from the top school just over (the wizard) + the over-eager community club lady (the cleric) and, of course, the community cat (the bard) - who all get flung into a thriving, ancient forest-city mirroring singapore, inhabited by spirits, young gods and beastly creatures.

i dance around a little with casual racism, materialism, individualism/collectivism, the price of progress and maybe a little bit of the guilt of being privileged. not-so-uniquely Singaporean experiences. if i post about it, it’ll probably be cute moments between the characters or full-on breakdowns about my disconnection from my national identity! yippee!

Hysteria! Starforged - it’s a big mess of a sci-fi world about an inter-planetary war - with too many criss-crossing motivations. the point is no one is really sure what’s happening, it’s just a lot of a lot. there’s two big “sides,” but unfortunately no good guys. one’s the legion. it absorbs, it’s one goal being uniformity in morality across the stars to prevent... warfare (irony!) - life is a lot more complicated than that though, so they wind up just making things worse - they (attempt) to install their law and cultures in every planet they absorb.

the other is called the council, an allegiance formed to oppose the domination of the legion. they suck too! in their desperation to get an upper hand and escape the reign of the legion, they exploit lesser-equipped planets and their own allies. they have enlisted entire planets without spacefaring ability into their intergalactic war, just to have numbers. almost none of the other planets have planetary governments so a lot of “tinier” international wars happen. do you see where this is going. hysteria. hysteria starforged, even.

and my main trio are just a little gang. three girls against the world, (two soldiers pulled from one war to another and a dignitary from a country that no longer exists!) and god, there’s a lot of World.

The Ending That Wasn’t (to be renamed..) - another sci-if one, but i got silly with it. silly and goofy even. six idiots wake up on the brig of a half-destroyed ship floating around space, with absolutely NO memory AT ALL! space-styles, “i’m too dumb for rules” D&D - if it played by one lonely geek.

space ikea, quantum toasters, a robot t-rex that the sci-fi goblin is SWEARING to you is a house pet on another planet. my colourful cast of stupid idiots saved the world once - in fact, literally JUST BEFORE they woke up. they just don’t remember it. they barely remember anything - and as they, through typical D&D party shenanigans, make petty criminals out of themselves, they realise that maybe they were pretty big deals, actually. matured, world-saving heroes that you are by the end of the campaign, even. starting from scratch is a little awkward.

they’ll figure it out, eventually.

Of Obsolete Orisons - post-apocalyptic, in a lovely, overgrown, “we’re rebuilding” way. - avatars of natural forces walk the earth when they fancy, most worshipped as gods. wardens of equilibrium represented the pillars of balance until, well, they suddenly couldn’t - and then the apocalypse came.

30 years afterwards, an avatar who thought it’d be fun to just be a guy separates themselves from divinity, gets into silly shenanigans as it discovers the world before it. the least interesting of my many, many lore worlds. i poke a little bit at the personification of the world around us in the form of divine consciousnesses, as well as perfection and pre-determinism, nothing fancy, i’m just amused and intrgued.

MORE TBA - eventually lawl ... here are projects i’ve yet to describe but want to: AoWSLaA, Curiosity!, [Liar]bird, Cloudscape!, Science Fiction, The Great Divide and maaaybe Mayhem & Magic.

notably! there’s also the tag boct thoughts, which will feature largely privated posts consisting of delirious rumination on this story-making hobby of mine. i am a wicked songstress howling lyrics in states of incomprehension and some of the time i sing for my ears alone!