#the seizure i had yesterday still has me sore and exhausted today this is not good

[transgendz]

If anyone could throw me and my roommate like $50 to get by until my next check, that would be really amazing because we have $3, and no food for tomorrow, and my roommate has been out of one of his meds for a while. Additionally, I have to call the Dr tomorrow because I'm having seizures, which is new. I won't be able to afford the appointment I need (GP and neuro) because my next check is going alp to bills too. So it'll probably get put off for a while at least. If anyone wants to help with that, I know its going to be at least $600 total because my roommate has already been through these same appointments. If anyone wants proof, dm me. I do art and take commissions at my art blog @theartistrans

$C

V

PP

kofi

When your entire check goes to bills and catching up on things you'd been putting off for financial reasons.

[angst-king]

Seeing red pt 1

(TW mention of sexual exploitation/abuse, ablism, physical and verbal abuse, transphobia, homophobia, emotional abuse, & attempted suicide)

(i will also be using she/her pronouns on Kiri for the first chapter and half of the second chapter) “That was fun, damn you were so good for me tonight kitten.” A soft out of breath voice calls out, the girl quickly grabs her things, slipping her clothes back on and she's almost out the door before the girl on the bed adds. “Hey, money’s on the dresser, take what you want kitten, you did so well~” Her voice purs, taking the money she hurried out the door, and soon out of the apartment complex. Walking the cold dark streets in the chilly night, the girl grabs her phone and calls someone. “H-hello?”  Her voice was soft and shaky “hey there Ijima, did you have to ‘go out’ again?” ��m-mhm, I d-don’t wanna go home Ashido.” “I know you don’t, just come on over, I’ll get you some clothes okay.” “O-okay, s-see you in a bit Ashi” “See ya Kiri” The two hung up and her steps quickened into a run.

She was so glad the ashido house had always welcomed her, whether it was after school, or late into the night to the ass crack of dawn. Her quiet feet brought her to a familiar street and soon to the house she could finally rest at. She was tired, barely holding herself up shaky legs that were weak from her previous activities. Knocking on the door, she could barely hold herself up, the door had opened just in time. A girl with pink hair and black roots opened the door, she was dressed in her pajamas with a slight look of sleep on her face clouding those bright yellow eyes. “Th-thanks Ashido” She says, hurrying into the house, stumbling. The girl catches her waking up more. “God Kirishima be careful, I’ve got ya, let's get you showered and into some better clothes. Ashido says softly to Kirishima who tries to balance herself but still needs assistance.

“I’ve got ya, now come on, you need a bath hun.” Ashido closes the front door, and leads Kirishima up the stairs and into a bathroom, giving the girl privacy. Ashido found some comfortable clothes for Kirishima.

Kirishima wasn’t in there long seeing as she could hardly stand up straight it was quick but good enough to get the smell of sex, and stickiness of shared bodily fluids. Her hair loosely tied up as she comes out in a towel, Mina hands her the clothes. Kirishima heads back into the bathroom and changes. Coming out once more, she’s shaking but clothed and dry, Mina hated to see her friend so hurt. There was a dull look in those ruby eyes, her lips small and barely able to hold the weight of a smile during a time like this. She was tired, sore, and worst of all, she was numb. She sunk to her knees on the floor in the pink haired girl’s bedroom. She began to shake harder, holding onto herself, fingers tightly gripping her slim biceps. Face towards the floor, only light snivels and whimpers could be heard from the ravenette. 

Coming over to comfort the girl, Ashido knelt down and gently pulled her into her loving frame. Flinching, it only took a second before a choked sob erupted and the young Kirishima started to cry. Her body going slack in her friend’s hold as tears rained down from her eyes dampening the shoulder she cried on. All the other could do was rub her back and hold her close and offer advice. There were moments upon moments of quiet sobbing before her words came out in a stammer. 

“A-Ashido, I-I wanna die, please.” Her voice pleaded, shaking her head the pink haired teen tried to persuade her. “No Kiri, i’m sorry I can’t let you do that-” “pl-please, just give me a bottle of pills, cough syrup, a knife, something! Please Mina! Let me die already!!” She exclaimed, pressing her friend into allowing her to silence her inner demons. “Shhh Kiri, I’m sorry I know you do but, I can’t let you do that please, we’re gonna get you help, i know you need it, but we still gotta figure out a way to do that. Just hang in there please, you’re safe with me.” All Kirishima could do was nod and cry till she fell asleep.

Morning came and Kirishima was soon returned back home against their will yet she knew she couldn’t stay with the Ashidos forever. She already felt like a burden to them for having to come to them for food and clothes and even comfort or a place to escape. Walking up to the door, she knocked and waited for the door to be unlocked. A soft jingle jangle came and the door opened, stepping in she saw her mother smiling. “Finally you’re home, so how’d it go hun, did ya have fun?” She asked excitedly, the memories of the night before made her queasy to think about so she shook her head. “M-mom please I-I need to go lay down, I don’t feel good.” Frowning, the woman closes the door, rolling her eyes. “Oh please Ijima stop that, you’re fine, you’re always saying that or doing that stupid thing where you fall and pretend to have a seizure. I know you’re just doing it for attention.” Ijima sighed, rubbing her temples. “I’m not faking seizures for attention, why can’t you just believe me?” That earned her a harsh shove into the wall behind her, piercing red eyes glaring into scared ones that were once dull a second ago but now filled with fear. “Because I said so! Because I don’t have to believe you, I am the parent and you are MY child!” The more she spoke the louder Ijima’s mother’s voice got to the point of yelling. Ijima began to cower and shake from terror. “Honestly Ijima you have all of these stupid ‘problems’ like your ‘epilepsy’ or you saying you want to be a boy. Do you really think anyone’s gonna love a retarted tranny?!!” The slurs hurt but her phrases hurt the worst “Do you honestly think someone’s gonna wanna take care of you? No one is going to love you like that, no one wants someone like that! Get that through your head!” Her last words, Ijima was grabbed by her hair and her head was repeatedly bashed against the wall. Each slam made her feel weaker and weaker.

Dropping to her knees, Ijima went limp on the floor, the pounding radiated through her skull, causing her hands to tremble but she forced herself to silently walk up to her room. Each step, she wants to cry but biting her lip is the only thing keeping her from letting the floodgates break. She could feel her mind filling with static so she’d better hurry her pace, or if she didn’t she wouldn’t know what hit her.

Once in her own room, she let go, her entire being was weak. She collapsed with a thud onto the floor. Tensed and tight her body spasmed and jerked, eyes rolling back, she was defenseless and unable to do anything if anyone were to find her with plans in their head. Luckily her mother decided to leave her be for the time being. She’d wake up feeling sick, her body sore and tired, her vision gone. She was vulnerable and she hated it, unable to speak properly, ask for help, or even think of it. Who would help her anyway, it's not like she couldn’t do it herself. It took a bit of trying but she’d manage to get herself up right and into bed, which would lead to sleeping the day away or laying in bed until the nausea got worse enough to get sick.

 When she woke up, she had no idea as to where she was. Her vision black, her skin was ice cold, and her stomach was sloshing queasily. Even without knowing her surroundings she forced herself to move. She stretched uncomfortably, her body was sore and achy from the seizure. Once she had stretched, she scooted her way around her room until she found her bed. Blindly searching the climbing up into her bed to lay down. It was exhausting and not to mention her nightly activities from the day before still left her exhausted. She ended up going back to sleep, she wanted to sleep away her days, she hated waking up. She hated opening her eyes and would sometimes pretend to be ‘out’ longer after a seizure just so people would leave her alone but. That didn’t always work, sometimes she would actually have another seizure, or someone would try and hurt her. Mainly the girls at school, they would just watch her convulse on the floor, step on her, take pictures or videos and post them around the school, or just gossip about her in general. Ijima wished she never had to wake up, and those urges grew stronger and stronger with each day until.

Today. She’d slept through yesterday but even now she felt horrible. Her vision hadn’t returned fully yet, it was spotty and blurry. She wasn’t mentally awake yet either, she had such horrible brain fog she could hardly register the screaming coming from outside her bedroom door. It was too late and in came her screaming mother. “IJIMA YOU CAN HEAR ME I KNOW YOU’RE AWAKE!” Ijima flinched, her eyes weren’t adjusting as quickly as she’d like and neither was her brain. Even though the screaming woke her up as the woman came barging in towards her. “WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN IGNORING ME?!! I CALLED YOUR NAME SO MANY TIMES, YOU OVERSLEPT AND YOU’RE LATE FOR SCHOOL AND DON’T GIVE ME THIS ‘I HAD A SEIZURE' BULLSHIT CAUSE YOU’RE JUST A LYING BITCH WANTING ATTENTION!” The screaming scared her into a panic, she hated screaming, especially when her vision wasn’t right. If her vision was faulty her hearing would pick up the slack and so did every other sense. It made every sound more pronounced to the point where she could feel the venom in her mother’s words. Ijima was shaking as tears unknowingly ran down her face, she only knew this when she pointed it out. “Oh stop acting like this you brat, you’re so pitiful Emma left because of you. She didn’t want someone like you! She’d still be here if you weren’t so selfish!” A pillow was shoved over her face and held there but that didn’t muffle Ijima’s hearing. Ijima although used to hearing her mother say this, always hurt deep inside and the woman knew that. Emma was Ijima’s other mom, Emma joined the military a little after Ijima had started showing signs of epilepsy which only made Ijima more inclined to believe what the other woman known as Ito had told her. It was always a reminder, Ijima always felt responsible for Emma’s leaving but also felt betrayal and pain that no one would love her. Her own mother left her to join the military in order to avoid taking care of her. “Just go, get ready for school” Ito said coldly, getting up and releasing the pillow that suffocated Ijima. Ijima did her best to rise on her feet, steadying herself on the floor as her mother left her to get ready.

 Ijima did her usual routine even when she’d had epileptic episodes that left her still rather disoriented. Though while in the bathroom a little voice in her head spoke to her. ‘Get those tums and take ‘em at school, see how many you can take before you die?’ With the suggestion she went through her medicine cabinet which really only held a bottle of tums, extra toothbrushes and toothpaste. Ijima grabbed the tums and snuck them into her bag before continuing her routine. She skipped breakfast. On her way to school, she always stopped by Mina’s house knocking on the door, it isn’t long before the pink haired girl appears. “Hey there Kiri!” Ijima didn’t bother to make a smile, she couldn’t, the weight of it was too heavy for those weak lips. Her hands were shaky, and her eyes were dead on the outside but if you looked deep enough you could see the pain. Ijima was quieter than usual, all she did was pretend to listen to Mina talk about gossip, magazines, typical girl things that she always spoke of. Ijima wasn’t truly listening, she was spacing out, her mind was filled with static but also the obsession of death. She didn’t want to live any longer and she’d take any out she could. Maybe if she downed the entire bottle of tums it’ll be enough to kill her? Though if another opportunity presented itself to her, she’d take it. She couldn’t stand being on this earth any longer. She couldn’t stand being around girls, they were deceptive, deceitful, demanding, cold, and selfish. The only girl she could trust was Mina, Mina always proved to Ijima that she was a loyal friend. Mina was actually the only one who treated Ijima well. Even though she had met some bad men or boys, awful girls or  women were a lot more prominent in her life. Ijima was done with it, why should she have to suffer due to her mother’s ideologies?!

As they made their way to school they had to cross busy streets that were filled with cars rushing to their destinations. When Ijima got an impulsive thought ‘jump into traffic’ She could hear the cars coming and would Mina even be able to stop her in time? And would the car even stop in time? She’d have to time it just right. The cross walk was still being held up as the car zoomed down the lane when Ijima saw a truck coming barrelling down the street. Her mind raced yet was clouded by multiple loud ones that screamed ‘DO IT! JUMP!’.’DO IT YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT’ ‘YEAH DO IT, NO ONE’S GONNA MISS YOU!’ ‘FINALLY AN ESCAPE, YOU CAN’T FAIL NOW!’ ‘DO IT! JUMP’ The truck was getting closer and Ijima didn’t even fight the voices.

Everything was a blur, a scream and sickening thud and crunch. Then it went black.

Waking up to a loud beeping sound, Ijima’s eyes struggled to open and adjust to the bright lights and whiteness of the hospital. The brightness was blinding to her eyes as they’d been used to the dark for some time now. Eyes looking around, they’re met with white walls, white sheets, white bandages wrapped around her wrists and even around some of her torso. As she became more and more awake, Ijima started to feel the pain. It was a dull aching pain, but it wasn’t just physical. Oh no this was mental. Sure her ribs had been cracked, she sustained a mild concussion, lacerations from the truck, and had a few seizures. The mental pain was way worse, she didn’t want to wake up today, she didn’t wanna wake up ever! She didn’t want to make it, this wasn’t her goal to wake up in a hospital! She wanted to be dead! Gone, away from the hell her mother puts her through even if she deserves it! ‘Why?! Why couldn’t they just leave me for dead!??’ She thought to herself as tears welled up in her eyes. Everything was building up at once, her emotions filled her even if she still felt numb to some extent she finally screamed as her emotions spilled like an overflowing sink.

“Why! Why couldn’t you all just let me fucking die!?!! PLEASE JUST KILL ME!” Even with her voice breaking between her words it was loud enough to be heard from out the door. Grabbing harshly at her long black hair, tangling it between her fingers tightly with white knuckle gripping. She cried, sobbed more like it. It was so overwhelming to try and find another way to just end it as she wanted her life to be over so badly. She wanted to bleed out on the floor and never wake up again. Her eyes darted around but she noticed that the only thing in the room was her bed, the vitals machine, and an IV pole with a line or two or fluids that were connected to Ijima. Seeing the bandages around her arms she unravels them revealing several lacerations that were still rather fresh looking. With her sharp shark-like teeth, she raises an arm towards her lips, opens her mouth and chomps down as hard as she could. Blood floods her mouth like an ocean flooding the tidal pools of its beach. The taste of Iron coats her tongue, discolor’s her teeth, and drips down her lips escaping to splatter onto her blue hospital gown. Hearing the screams, a nurse came to check up on Ijima who was horrified to witness Ijima’s desperate method of self harm. She ran to get a doctor when Ijima detached her mouth from her arm. Blood pouring and adding to the small drips and splatters on her gown.  Large splatters of the crimson fluid painted the blue gown discoloring it to a somewhat purple hue. When the nurse urgently returned with a doctor and another nurse the doctor was just as surprised!

First they had to tie Ijima down, placing straps over her to keep her from trying anything else.

While she was being strapped down the doctor and a nurse worked to repair Ijima’s arm, she tried to fight them but in the end she was immobilized. Tired of fighting the doctor all she could do was cry and mutter about why couldn’t they just let her die. The process of actually fixing her arm was a little extensive. They had to stop the bleeding, then see how far the damage went before deciding on what they’d have to do. Even though she didn’t break any bones, the doctor decided to cast both her arms to keep her from trying to bite herself again. She ended up being put to sleep this time.

[the-unlucky-thirteen]

So Sierra here, just dropping a life update after a while of silence, it's a little long winded but I wanna get it off my chest; yesterday was awful. It was long and stressful, it started with having to make many anxiety inducing phone calls regarding sleeping meds I needed that day, and it ended with me having a seizure...

When it finally seemed like the med problem was solved I immediately hurried to the pharmacy despite the extreme heat that we're having and running on 4 hours of sleep. After arriving, they told me it was sent off to be delivered to my place, which surprised me because it was almost closing time... I then kinda wasted more of the time and energy I barely had by going to the store, figured I might as well if I went outside, plus my parents are on vacation [on a campsite located nationally] so the boyfriend and I are kinda here getting by ourselves. Then at around 22:00 while I was at my desk gaming, I had a seizure

So I've had a few seizures in my recent life after getting certain antidepressants and, because of that, I'm on anti-epilepsy medication. Since taking those meds I hadn't had any, so this was out of nowhere for everyone, and it was kind of severe. My mum [she happens to work in the medical field] said it was likely a combination of dehydration, exhaustion, and stress [it could've been worsened if I had heatstroke too apparently?] Either way, few minutes afterwards I felt nauseous, panicked, and like I could barely breathe, it seems like that lasted for so long and as if I wasn't getting enough oxygen and was going to die, which sounds dramatic maybe but it's how it felt physically and mentally...

Today my whole body is sore and cramped because of pulled and tensed muscles, which I've had after every seizure so far, not very strange considering what the body does during one. I've got bite wounds on the inside of my cheeks and a couple of bumps and bruises on my arms and legs from hitting the desk. Mind you, I never recall a moment from right before or during a seizure. My boyfriend called my mum and later she videocalled to see me and talk to me, today they went home for the day and she seemed glad that I'm alright now. My boyfriend was really shocked seeing it, but it was good he was there... He said it looked like a horror film depiction of demonic possession, that I slowly turned my head unnaturally far and started making weird noises. He had seen my first seizure and also his brother has epilepsy, so he knows how to recognise it, but there's not really much you can do about it... With me it usually starts with my limbs tensing, weird gasping noises, later combined with foaming from the mouth or drooling... it sounds disgusting I know. I feel bad that he had to see that, it always scares him. Now I'm considering contacting my GP about it, it's such an awful experience and I'm scared of it happening again...

So yeah, if you didn't know, I have epilepsy. It doesn't run in the family, so I don't know how I managed to get that, but I thought the meds had dealt with it. Anyway, I'm rambling at this point, I just still feel unwell so I'm gonna attempt some sleep. Hope you're all well and staying safe, and we'll try to update more often 💕

[luraslunacyl]

Purple Ribbons and My Disdain For the Color Pink

I was a sophomore in high school when it happened. My day was pretty average, I went to 7am Bible, met with my friends in the band room, and then went through the classes I usually did. At lunch time, we sat together in a retired basketball gym that was now used for almost everything but basketball. My friends were laughing, and cutting up, and teasing me for how long it took me to finish a single lunchable-I often got so wrapped up in conversation that I would forget to eat my lunch.

And then suddenly I woke up to a pain of an IV being jabbed in my arm, surrounded by people who were vaguely familiar to me. It was as if I was pulled from the Matrix, or shaken out of a very deep sleep that I wasn’t even aware of. I was told that I had experienced a seizure, and that my parents would meet me at the hospital. My principal rode in the front seat, while an EMT stayed in the back with me. The EMT reminded me of a coach that taught history for me that same year, with a shaved head and the look of constant concern.

He was patient, and kept asking me about the date, when I was more concerned with the passage of time- how could he expect me to remember what yesterday was if I could barely remember today? All that I knew was that it was homecoming week, and that I had an excruciating migraine. He told me that I had slammed my head against the table, and that I had a black eye, but I couldn’t feel it. All I felt was the soreness that reached the equivalent of running  a marathon untrained, the exhaustion that made me want to sleep into the next century, and an uneasy feeling of nausea from the mild concussion I had gotten.

They sent me home that afternoon, deeming I was safe and that they were unsure if I would have another one. They say that ten percent of all Americans will experience at least one seizure in their lifetime. I took the next day to resting and trying to think of any subtle way to cover up the hideously purple black eye I had sustained, but nothing worked. Then it was Homecoming Friday, and I was excited to return to school.

Homecoming Fridays at my private christian high-school were the closest equivalent to Field Day that it got, except you weren’t required to participate, but you still got a half day. I had my basic ACA BAND shirt spread out on my bed with a pair of jeans and black socks, and my uniform bag hanging on a hook on my door. I was quick to wake up and get in the shower, even though my muscles were still acting as if I had been beaten. I was too tall, and too clumsy to stand and shave my legs, so I sat in the tub with my head leaned against the linoleum, focused on not cutting myself, when the world around me was black again.

I woke up that time on the couch, wrapped tightly in a towel, with the worried face of my mother and two EMTs that looked nothing like the ones I had seen two days prior. One of them asked me my mother’s name to which I replied, “Jean Cox.” But when he asked me my name, my brain couldn’t decide that it was a different question, and assumed that I too was Jean Cox. He asked me then if I was felt confused or disoriented, but frankly.. Who wouldn’t be, if you woke up in a totally different part of the house from where you fell asleep? The EMT talked to my mom about things that flew over my head, other than the fact that I had to have someone watch me while I took showers and that I couldn’t drive for the next six months. After they left, I started to cry. Not because I had experienced yet another seizure, not  because my mother would have to sit outside of the shower, not even because that I had lost the chance to drive after only having my license for four months, but because I was going to miss Homecoming. My mom reassured me, and had my father take me to see the homecoming festivities, even though I couldn’t participate with the band that evening. I’ll always be grateful to him for that.

The months after that involved a lot of testing, a lot of switching between drugs, and just general absolute stress that was debilitating that I would wish upon no one. A test that at first I didn’t mind, but have grown to hate, involves sticking glue to my hair and electrodes, and forcing me to hyperventilate until I induce hypoxia- essentially starving my brain of oxygen.

Every pilot goes through hypoxic training, where they all sit in a decompression chamber while air is oxygen is taken out, to simulate what it is like being at an altitude of twenty five thousand feet. The point of the exercise is for the pilots to realize that something is wrong, be it a leak or worse, and to put on their oxygen masks before they get into too much trouble.

When you have a tonic-clonic/grand-mal/classic seizure, your breathing can be interrupted.  You aren’t exactly aware that you’re hypoxic even when you’re waking up, you just feel like you’re floating on a cloud. It’s quite euphoric.

When you’re inducing hypoxia yourself however, it’s much more frightening. Your body lessens the amount of oxygen to the rest of your body to try and give the brain as much oxygen as it can, giving you this numb sensation like everything from the neck down has suddenly fallen asleep. You don’t feel in control of your body, and despite your desire to stop, a nurse tells you to keep hyperventilating, and suddenly you’re very aware that you’re on a cloud, but that you’re twenty five thousand feet in the air and without a parachute. I have done this test at least eight times in my life, and have never produced results from it. The last time I took it, I berated the technician, and my mother scolded me, but the tech didn’t even flinch. I think they understood too that it was the kind of panic you just can’t handle. I apologized to them later.

It’s been six years, and I finally do have an answer to the area of the brain my epilepsy starts in. It shouldn’t have taken me that long to find out, but the more I research epilepsy, the more I realize how little people really know and understand, even neurologists are baffled as to how the medication they prescribe keeps their patients at bay. Worse than that, sixty percent of epilepsy cases don’t have a particular known cause.

If there is any advice I can give to anyone who has just had their first seizure, it’s to not let it sweep your feet from underneath you. Don’t get frustrated when people ask you about strobe lights, they’re just trying to help. Don’t berate, instead, educate.Don’t be afraid to have a moment for yourself if things feel too tough, chronic conditions are hard to deal with, and while the people around you may mean their best, sometimes it’s easy to feel like they have the condition instead of you, for how concerned they are.

To the parents, or children, or anyone who knows someone dear to them who is having seizures for the first time, get educated. While there isn’t a lot of research, just understanding the DOs and DONTs can make all the difference when an episode does happen (I’ll post these at the very very bottom of the page), and if you’re calm, the people around you will be calm too. Stay strong, and take help where you can get it. To the parents especially, no one knows your kid better than you do, and keep that in mind when you’re finding medications that work and are visiting neurologists. Stay strong, but heal yourself too.

The following rant is a hundred percent selfish, but I have to get it off my chest, as someone with grandmothers who have survived breast cancer. Why is it that there is an entire month, trashcan, and national marches to spread awareness of breast cancer, meanwhile there are people who still think it’s acceptable to put a wallet in someone’s mouth while they seize? Why is it that a breast cancer sticker on your car makes you a feminist, while three weeks ago I got a message saying I was possessed by Satan for having seizures?

This coming October, instead of putting on a pink ribbon, consider donating or educating yourself in a different cause, and I don’t mean just epilepsy. There are lots of diseases out there that affect the people around you every day that could still use improving and education. Below, I will list a number of diseases and conditions that could always use more educating and funding, linked to a place where you can donate to any of the causes of your choice.

Asthma

Epilepsy

Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis/Nephrotic Syndrome

Progeria

Emphysema

Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome

Parkinson’s Disease

Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease

Dementia

Alzheimer’s Disease

Diabetes

Suicide Prevention

Dos and Don’ts of Seizures

Do check for a medical ID.

Do call 911 if: they have injured themselves, if they have no record of seizures prior, if they are pregnant, or if the seizure lasts longer than five minutes.

Do keep yourself calm and the people around you calm.

Do move the person experiencing the seizure out of harms way. Remove glasses or sharp objects.

Do move the person into a recovery position with their face tilted down in case they need to throw up or drool.

Do time the seizure. Seizures typically only last 2-3 minutes.

Do stay with them as they awaken. They will be confused and disoriented.

Don’t put anything in their mouth.

Don’t try to restrain them or hold them down. .

Don’t leave them alone during or after the seizure.

Don’t attempt CPR unless the seizure has finished and they are not breathing.

[julesdelorme]

JULES’ TRAINING & DIET DIARY

ENDURANCE & METABOLISM RAMPING PHASE FINAL WEEK 2 MAY 13 – MAY 19

“Resist much, obey little.”

Walt Whitman

 Second Week of a 4 week Phase: Endurance and Metabolism Ramp. The second week is going to be a bit of a struggle to complete because of a nasty shoulder injury, a deep bone bruise to my left rear collar bone. At first it was hard to tell what was going on. I just woke up Sunday with almost paralyzing pain in my left shoulder, chest and neck. At points it felt like it could be heart attack. At others it felt like a neck injury. And at others it felt like rotator cuff damage. But I still had relative mobility, the pain wasn’t going down my arm and, after some painful exploration I was able to find a deep bone bruise on my rear left collarbone. Good news was no tissue damage. Bad news was that the pain ran very deep and is going to take a lot of religious icing and anti-inflammatories program to reduce it.

SUNDAY MAY 13: Got virtually no sleep because I’m a side sleeper and a toss and turner, and every time I moved the shoulder pain would startle be back awake. Started the day out with a Smudge, Meditation and Seated Yoga Series out in the beautiful if somewhat chilly Toronto sunshine. Began full Fast Saturday at 8 pm. Continued it today. 4 Sets of Sprints in the yard to get my heart rate and metabolism up. Shadow box & Kick Series. Limited by my ability to use my upper body. Dog Run to Townson Fitness. MMA Class. Jennifer had to run the class. I was not in good shape. Took my meds, but still could feel on the edge of a seizure. Worked with a few people. Mostly on Stretching, Rehab and Meditation. Home. My focus was horrible, between the pain, the buzzing feeling of a coming seizure and sheer exhaustion. Decided that had to be it for my day as far as activity went. Healthy meals to break Fast. Stopped by 8 pm. Ended up having to take one of our rescue dogs, little Catou the poodle to the vets because he couldn’t breathe anymore. He was very old. We ended up having to put him down. Found the bone bruise. Started a course of icing and anti-inflammatories. Was able to sleep some, though woke frequently with pain.  

MONDAY MAY 14: Slept in a bit. Started the day outdoors in the beautiful Toronto sunshine yet again, with a Smudge. Lying Series Yoga, Extended Stretch and Meditation. Followed with a Bodyweight Endurance and Met Ramp based Workout- 2 Supersets each of: Chins and Hanging Scapular Rotations, with Push Ups/ Negative Only Pull Ups with Incline/Decline Push Ups. Just enough to ramp my Metabolism a bit, that’s all I had the energy for, and the ability with my shoulder. Then Yoga with Extended Stretch. And then healthy meals. Healthy meals with 3 servings of fresh veggies. Stopped by 8 pm. Walked Momo. Practiced some cuts with a heavier stick, with greater focus on Footwork, but limited by shoulder. Icing and old Movie to wind down and take my mind off of the pain.

TUESDAY MAY 15: AM: Woke up early. Rough night of sleep. First client cancelled, so had some time to work out, hopefully to give my body to do something with all this feeling. Started the day Outdoors in the beautiful sunshine. Smudge, Meditate, Standing Series Hatha Yoga and Bodyweight HIIT(High Intensity Interval Training) Circuit: 2 Sets Each of: Skipping with Sprints in the Yard, with Chins & Scapular Rotations with Hanging Scapular Rotations with Bar Push Ups (Very shallow. Limited range with shoulder.)/ Skips with Side Sprints with Negative Only Pull Ups with Bar Push Ups/ Rebound Sprints with Ankle Band Wrestling Circles with Suspension Rows with Suspension Flys/ Rebound Jumping Jacks with Ankle Band Low Grappling Change Ups with Suspension Pistol Squats(With variations) with Suspension Dip Push Ups. Yoga. Extended Stretching. Meditate. Dog Run to Townson Fitness. A few trainees. Didn’t do an extra workout to give my shoulder a rest. Broke my Fast at 8 pm, after walking Momo and practicing Iaijutsu lighting cutting practice. Small healthy meals over a one hour period. Stopped by 9 pm. Iced shoulder and watched old Marx Bothers movie to wind down.

WEDNESDAY MAY 16: Smudge. Seated series Yoga. Meditate. Rested otherwise. Needed it. Dealing with sore shoulder, feet and joints. Pecs and Delts sore from yesterday’s workout. Needed to take a day off. Really didn’t do much of anything.  Did a lot of reading and writing. Did walk Momo and Cutting Practice. Iced shoulder. Read wind down.

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THURSDAY MAY 17: Not much sleep. Started day with Smudge. Brief Outdoor Bodyweight Workout, Limited by Shoulder, which actually feels worse today- 2 Sets each of: Yard Sprints with 20 Reps each of Cheat Pull Ups(Knees on ground for higher reps) with Push Ups, with Low Squats/ Side Yard Sprints with 20 Reps each of Cheat Pull Ups with Incline, Decline Push Ups with Split Squats on a Hill. Seated Series Yoga & Meditation. Extended Stretching. Partial Fast. Dog Run to Townson Fitness. Trained a few people. Walk home to healthy meals & hang out with dogs. Stopped eating by by 9 pm. Walked Momo with light Iaijutsu Cutting Practice, with Footwork. Iaijutsu Front Draw-Right only. Iced shoulder. TV and old Zatoichi movie to wind down.

FRIDAY MAY 18: Friday was a true rest day for me. Slept in. Lots of shoulder pain when I woke up today. Was fading, but was back in force today. Did smudge. Just read, did some writing and rested. Took Momo to his rehab appointment. Diet was good. 3 servings of raw veggies. No junk. Stopped by 8 pm. Beginning of Fast. Did walk Momo and do some light yoga. Not Iaijutsu or cutting practice until my shoulder has recovered. Something that I’ve been doing has definitely been aggravated it. Meditate and TV to wind down.

SATURDAY MAY 19: Didn’t get much sleep. Decided to make the best of it. Smudge. Torque Based Bodyweight Workout: 2 Sets each of Torque Board Sprint Twists with Torque Board Push Ups Position Twists with Bicycles off of Torque Board/ Low Squat Torque Board Twists with Push Up and Torque Board Twists/ Torque Board Cross Overs. Yoga in the Yard-Standing Series. Extended stretch. Dog Run to Townson Fitness. A few clients. Experienced the return some severe shoulder/collar bone pain on the left side. Not sure what caused it to come back. Walked Momo with Light Yoga Breathing and Stretches.  Feeling worn down, physically and mentally. My advice to trainees when they begin to experience frequent injuries is to rest. Going to take next week off. Dug up an old Abbott and Costello movie to wind down. Needed to let my brain shut down and just laugh and something stupid.

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