#the same city and is also ableist as fuck so i truly just Do Not owe her ANYTHING

[urbanfiltered]

god

[mythicalwatch101]

HELLO. I AM HERE TO TALK ABOUT KROMER/CANTO 3

kromie is one of my Favorite characters Of All Time and if i see one more person horribly misinterpret her & her story & her motivations i am for real going to distort

FIRST AND FOREMOST

CANTO 3 ISN'T ABOUT ABLEISM

(it's not about racism either. she's not "cyborg racist". god damn it.)

canto 3 is about

religious extremism & societal pressure

PROSTHETICS IN THE CITY ≠ DISABILITY

prosthetics in the pm world are pretty obviously NOT the same as prosthetics in our world, and using them to point towards kromer being ableist is one of the weakest arguments i have ever seen in my entire life. give me ONE piece of evidence of kromer being ableist that doesn't mention prosthetics i fucking dare you

look at that. it's not about needing a missing arm replaced, or legs that you can walk on; it's about doing away with all of the inefficiencies of a flesh and blood body. you can get so much more work done if you don't need to eat or sleep!

unfortunately, there are many ways to be ableist and if she truly was, to the point where it was an important part of her character with an entire canto centered around it (like hating pm-prosthetics is), then i feel like maybe

just maybe

she would express this in other ways

that don’t involve slaughtering people that just happen to be made of metal.

just a thought.

which brings me to my next point

Prosthetics in the City are about class and money and the societal pressure i mentioned earlier

UNNECESSARY PRESSURE TO CONFORM TO THE AESTHETIC

WORTHLESS SURGERIES THAT POOR PEOPLE CAN’T AFFORD AND YET FEEL THE NEED TO GET ANYWAY

SINCLAIR’S BODILY AUTONOMY BEING STRIPPED AWAY FROM HIM SO THAT HE MATCHES HIS FAMILY

sinclair's family even turned their DOG into a robot for god's sake

it's a fad! it's cool to turn yourself into a robot! it's the new thing everyone is doing, so now you have to do it too to fit in with everyone else! even sinclair himself acknowledges this when talking about his family

also adding a ruina screenshot from this post i saw a while ago that i think you all should read

was hesitant to include it because i wanted to make my point without dragging ruina into this, to prove that you don't NEED the context from ruina to understand kromer's beliefs and motivations, but like. look at this. what the fuck.

"adjust emotions" "completely shut off desires" look me in the eyes and tell me this has ANYTHING to do with disability. i dare you. this is some rich people shit

prosthetics are a LUXURY for some, and a TOOL for others; something for rich people to enjoy, and for poor people to either get a shitty version of, or to sell their soul to afford, so that they can survive in the capitalist's dream world! kind of reminds me of cars, actually

(the extra info abt prosthetics from ruina helps, but as someone who has mostly only played limbus & doesn’t have the full context of the other games, it’s obvious even to me that they're not a disability thing)

in conclusion;

kromer is not ableist

she just really really really likes flesh and is super weird about it

to paraphrase/add to something someone said in that post i linked earlier: the district has an "ideal form" for the human body, and kromer has an "ideal form" for the human body, but these "ideal forms" are not the same

she prefers the human body the way it is, and when she sees this "ideal form" that's like the exact opposite of HER "ideal form" starting to take over, she resorts to being a violent bloodthirsty cult leader about it because she sucks ass and is incapable of being normal

she is a bad person and you are allowed to hate her ofc but please for the love of god hate her for something she’s actually done. stop making shit up

[doomdays]

disappointed but not surprised by the lack of luther plot or emotional beats for luther in season 4 but i do have some thoughts anyway. about to start reaching on some of these throwaway lines to cope <3

HIS LIVING SITUATION:

but first, i think my biggest disappointment is the reveal that he's living in the abandoned academy and there's... no reflection on that. because i can think of a thousand reasons why he'd naturally gravitate to the only place he ever really knew, but to not reflect on that in the show makes it feel like just some plot convenience for them to have a neutral space and, as per usual with luther, makes it the pit of the joke instead of actually telling us why it's fucked up that that's where he's been living.

it's the only home he ever really knew until he was sent to the moon, it was the place he was abused + isolated and kept away from living his life. he wanted to leave, reginald caught onto that, sent him to what basically was solitary confinement on the moon, and luther later found out that was all a ruse to keep him from moving on / keep him as his own personal weapon. this was finally his chance to really build a life for himself, the way he wanted to do in his early 20s but was kept away from, and.... he chooses the abandoned academy as his home. it's not that it doesn't make sense, it's that we never get to dive into why. i do think that would be the first place he'd go, just as it was the first place he went in season 2 despite having learned what his father did to him, because it's just instinct. it's the only home he's had that's accessible so he takes it. but he also has had too much growth in understanding that he wants to finally be living his life outside of those confines to really stay there for long, so i'd hope that after a few months of trying to make it into something better, he realizes he can never truly live the life that was stolen from him unless he leaves it behind entirely and finally gets an apartment of his own.

when he does get his own apartment, he's lonely, and he misses having something / someone to take care of, so he gets a cat. same thing i said years ago post season 2 or post season 1 repurposed for this part of the timeline, but - her name is miss gouda. she's tiny, likes to sit on his shoulders, literally the only thing he missed about having his larger body part because he likes the thought of her bouncing around him. she makes him feel safe, and she's safe with him. he narrates his days to her, treats her like a human friend, because he doesn't have many of those.

also, there's something to be said about this line: "do you think there's a market for an erotic dance studio in a town this size?" whether or not he was serious about living in a town like this (obviously not that one), he's at least thinking about it. and i think living in a small town with a close community would be good for luther rather than living in a big city. i think that's at least something he's considered but never really allowed himself to take the jump on before.

HIS CAREER:

linking my post about luther + being exploited, but. again, since we weren't given any on screen emotional beats about how his circumstances are affecting him, i'll do it myself. being back in his own body is all he's ever wanted; reginald made him feel like he owed him when he saved his life, but he saved his life in a way he didn't want, didn't ask for, didn't give him permission for. and it made luther hate himself + what he became. he barely even had the chance to get used to that body before her was forced into a small space station not adjusted for his new size, which ultimately made him resent himself even more. then he comes home, and he gets exposed to his siblings, who repeatedly shoot ableist language at him, and he can't ever get comfortable. and then, in season 2, his body is exploited again for shock value and to weaponize in a similar yet different way than hargreeves did to him.

so when he's finally back in his body again, it's even more exhilarating than literally coming back to life again. because it finally feels like he has the chance to exist in a way he never got to before. for so long, he never understood what he could really do with the body he had ( there were plenty of options still, it was just hard for him to really accept that. ) but now he's so desperate to just enjoy being in his own body anymore, he goes to the most extreme option for him. this is someone who's experienced body dysmorphia for so long that he's so excited to just enjoy his body again. he doesn't, not necessarily, because it's still jarring, but he's trying really desperately to believe he does.

so he decides to try stripping. which doesn't actually go very well for him, because he's a horrible dancer, and after years of being in a totally different body, he's very clumsy uncoordinated. but he's conventionally attractive, something that brings him the same joy it brought him when he was a teenager. it feels good to be the one choosing to present his body like this, rather than being exploited by someone else / someone he feels in debt to. this is finally his choice and it feels good even though he barely gets anything out of it because most people are hardly paying attention to him. but it's not actually what he wants to do forever. it's just his way of coping right now.

there is an emphasis on luther investing in various DIY projects around his house and getting excited to learn how to do what. which is really fun for me because everywhere he's lived before, he's never really had the chance to do any of that. he had no control over the academy before he left it, he didn't have options on the moon. his apartment in the '60s was tiny. he didn't have a home at all in season 3. there's something with this that i'd like to see him work out as a real career goal but that's to be determined.

HIS FAMILY:

luther mentions a family newsletter and i'm claiming it was his idea. he's so desperate to be a part of his family's lives, and especially with having 4 nieces + nephews now, he wants to know what's going on with them. in the end of season 3, he told them all he ever wanted was for them to come together as a family. he understands that's harder now with all the things that have happened between them, but it's still their first chance to even truly try. they're all finally living their lives ( something luther wasn't a part of the first time they tried, when they left as teens ) so he's trying to respect their spaces while also still trying to be a part of their lives.

his dream is to have a weekly family dinner with everyone. obviously that's not feasible, especially while he's living in the academy because they wouldn't necessarily want to go there, but he still tries. every time diego/lila invite them to some family gathering, he's insistent on checking in with viktor to make sure he's coming because he knows that viktor generally likes to stay away, but luther also knows how important it is for them all to try to get together regularly so they don't fall apart like they did when they were younger.

also he's naive and oblivious on this, but because it's all he has going for him, he tries to invite his siblings to some of his shows. obviously they wouldn't come. luther feels proud of it though because it's all he's ever really done for himself that wasn't about a mission and he wants to them to see that he's doing well. he's not, though, because deep down he knows he's not very good at it, and really all he wants is to be with his family / have an excuse to be around them.

[flcwerstudies]

cute tag!

pretty long post coming up!! Thanks to @cafedetude for tagging me!! im tagging: @hermiionegrcnger​ @studying-frenzy​ @belledoe​ @tiny-notes​ @theteadesk​ !! You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to ofc and if u want to do it and i haven’t tagged you go ahead!! 

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? there must always be more milk than cereal, but that amount must not exceed a certain amount do you get me? when i scoop my cereal there has to be proportionate amounts of milk in each scoop, consistently, until i have finished my bowl. my mind is a strange and lonely place. 

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? yes! its so refreshing and i feel like all your lethargy just evaporates... i love taking walks in the winter around my neighborhood in the evenings.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? spoons, lipsticks, i once used another book to bookmark a book, hair elastic, my contact lenses case, compact mirror....im a mess, i know 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? tea: scalding hot with lots of sugar and some milk. coffee: lots of milk, so much sugar 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? no? i just want my braces off!!

6: do you keep plants? yess

7: do you name your plants? yes! i am currently growing two wild roses and I’ve named them Calliope and Polymnia. 

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? journaling, writing, reenacting musicals and dramatic renditions of songs? 

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yeah ofccc it keeps me sane 

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? back and side 

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? CAROL THE LESBIAN LIBRARIAN // mary walks by // too many to list here tbh 

12: what’s your favorite planet? mars! and also venus 

13: what’s something that made you smile today? my friends 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? a hurricane flew thru the entire place, empty wine bottles on the ground, beanbag chairs, stacks of books and movies, maybe a cat and a dog lazing around on the couch 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! there’s a gigantic cloud of alcohol wayyyyy out in outer space that could produce over 450 trillion pints of beer 

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? give me all the pasta. i love all pastas. 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? im ok with my hair color now 

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. GETTING A CAPUCHIN MONKEY AS MY PATRONUS ON POTTERMORE

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? yes! i rant a lot and i sort of write down reflections? on my day and things. its really emo and angsty lmao im 16 pls 

20: what’s your favorite eye color? brown eyes. so gentle. so sharp. so kind but so cruel. so ambiguous! 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. my tote bag from myanmar! the straps are falling off but i love it so much 

22: are you a morning person? depends on if i slept early enough 

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, watch a movie, watch youtube, read 

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? absolutely not. it always pisses me off when people are like ohhh you can tell me anything??? no i can’t???? 

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? my friend’s house lmao 

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? my peach converse! they’re so pastel and they seem weird but converse generally go well with a lot of things 

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? i don’t like gum tbh 

28: sunrise or sunset? both 

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? sticks his tongue out when he’s concentrating and its so cute i die everytime 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes but i will never ever go into detail with anyone about this lmao 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i love socks, i like wearing weird socks except for toe socks, people who sleep with socks on are Immune to Heat and Not Afraid Of Dying?? no white socks get nasty real quick and they’re so bland, i love socks i have this grey pair with french bulldog faces allllll over it and i wear them all the time and even though people can’t see them i still get happy and tell people about my dog socks. 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. HA LMAO we had just watched a scary movie so obviously we turned on my little pony and watched that for two hours 

33: what’s your fave pastry? cupcakes! anything tbh i have an enormous sweet tooth 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? my dad used to go on a lot of business trips and he came back once with a huge stuffed bear from switzerland and its so fuzzy its still on my bed. it’s name is Fred and it wears overalls and it has brown fur! 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yes to all!!

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? paul anka lmao he’s not a band but ya know 

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean

38: tell us about your pet peeves! wHEN UR JAMMING OUT TO MUSIC AND THEN SPOTIFY JUST STOPS WORKING?? people asking me if im mad when im just being quiet and then making me mad by continually questionning me, people who will ask dumb questions (yes, there are always dumb questions. google is free and im not going to tell u the homework, it’s written on the board quite clearly u moron), racist/homophobic/ableist/ generally offensive and disrespectful people 

39: what color do you wear the most? grey and navy 

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I have mismatching earrings that my grandmother got me for my birthday! 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Fifteen Dogs by Andre Alexis! 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the starbucks on center street it’s very Starbucks, exactly what you would expect, but I always sit in the corner spot near the windows 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My family! 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? sitting in the sand in shell key, florida. my feet are in the water and i am watching my family swimming. I am very sunburnt but my mind is completely blank in a good way 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? absolutely 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. ofc they used a baby lion as their mascot. it’s simba-lic. 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? there’s this food in korea that’s just stir fried rice with soybean sprouts and the sprouts..... aw god....they refuse to be bitten in half and it’s so gross i hate it sm 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? darkness! and no it is different today!

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? there are scarce places to buy CD’s now but the last one I bought was Micheal Jackson’s Bad 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? bottle caps and paperclips and also pens i pick off the ground 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? my dad. any aretha franklin song 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the spongebob one and the gif of the white man who blinks a lot....u know the one 

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i loved all of them and i want to be able to quote them in all of my speech but i dont think people have watched all of them 

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?  i was working on homework last night and when i was turning on my laptop to work on my project i met my reflection in the screen 

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? been incredibly bitchy like damn.....i surprise myself and i really hate it 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when people use weird shit as bookmarks, when they laugh with their eyes shut, laugh lines near their eyes, dimples, kindness, when they aren’t afraid of making eye contact with me bc i have weirdly intense eyes  

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? it did not fit the mood of my day but yes i did reenact the lyrics 

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? my friend diana is the wine mom but i am the vodka aunt. why?? she is infinitely more caring and kind and sophisticated and also wine gets u lowkey, calm drunk, while i, the vodka aunt, am caring, but i have a bit of a laissez faire attitude and go with the flow and ‘damn what the hell fuck it’ kinda vibe and vodka gets u sloppy shitfaced drunk with none of the sophistication that comes with wine. 

59: what’s your favorite myth? icarus

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i dont LOVE poetry but i like haikus they’re like clever one liners ha 

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I gave my friend a notebook that i’d hastily made the night before and I have received a box of pads which in retrospect is not even a stupid present bc pads are expensive 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? i drink oj when i can 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i organize them every month bc i am ridiculous and i can’t function if my bookshelf is weirdly organized 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? pale grey almost white.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? my oldest group of friends (TNT lmaoooo) OR YOU KNOW callixtus from volunteering holyyy. you know those people who u meet and u immediately click with?? he’s on of them magical people and he was hella funny too i miss that guy to all hell 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? small roses! peach blossoms and cherry blossoms too. one huge ass hibiscus or lotus flower as a statement piece 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? cozy and sheltered. valid excuse for not going out 

68: what’s winter like where you live? terrible but i love it kinda 

69: what are your favorite board games? monopoly 

70: have you ever used a ouija board? NO WHAT 

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? barley, green or reallllyyyy black tea with loootss of sugar so that it makes your teeth ache 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yeah how’d you know 

73: what are some of your worst habits? expecting everyone to be on the same page 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. dedicated and brash, loud and hilarious, soft, amazing, i love them a lot 

75: tell us about your pets! i dont have pets!! T-T  

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? studying BUT DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS OK

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? hateclub sorry 

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? done my makeup for me while gossiping with me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? pale green and yeah i did. i chose it bc i love green! and the old color was boring and i didn’t like it  

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. no edges at all, soft bovine eyes , shaking leaves, crocodile tears 

82: are/were you good in school? yes! it’s a source of a lot of pride for me! 

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? amsterdam by nothing but thieves omg 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? oohh nahh im not planning on getting tattoos im scared of needles 

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? through the woods? i used to read a lot of them but you know i grew out of them 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? not especially no 

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the drop, double indemnity, back to the future, idk there’s a lot 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? the rennaissance! it was so extra and i loved it a lot 

89: are you close to your parents? yeah

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. TORONTO-soaring skyline from the highways at night near the lakeshore, the lights from the condos are like stars and its ridiculous but i also loooooveee dubrovnik in croatia and hanoi in vietnam and kaunas in lithuania and kyoto in japan.....in dubrovnik the wind blows in from the shore and at night when the lights are on in the walled city the stone glows amber. In Hanoi in the old quarter, motorbikes flash by and there’s yelling and the smell of pork skewers and there’s old buildings and new ones, huge stalks of bamboo leaning up against the walls. In Kaunas the wind is so cold and sharp and the buildings are so clean and there’s that old fortress and the tower! it’s so beautiful. and Kyoto is old and archaic but so modern it hurts and the streets are too uniform and the houses creep me out a bit bc they’re so quiet. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? i dont think so 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i will bury my pasta in cheese just you watch 

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? my hair is one style fits all bc its short 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend!

95: what are your plans for this weekend? study and work on projects and homework and stress and nap and have dinner with a guest 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? no updates. we die like men. 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? isfj-t, aries, ravenclaw 

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? sometime in september? it was nice! 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. put your head on my shoulder by paul anka....there’s a lot and im really lazy sorry 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years in the future, just to see where I end up 

[soovaryit]

Gaslighting! and how NOT to treat people with illnesses

Be it mental or physical, anyone with a long term and incurable illness will have received their fair share of scepticism, blame and disdain from people around you. Whether it’s in a romantic or platonic relationship, gaslighting and emotional manipulation can easily develop when you don’t feel healthy in your body and mind. Sometimes even those closest to you don’t understand, or simply don’t want to, and this can make the isolation that comes with these conditions so much worse. It took me a long time to realise that I had been close to someone who completely invalidated me and turned every situation into my fault. This would range from ‘You’re just having a period’ as I was sweating and crying from pain to ‘jokes’ about how no one would want to be with me now that I was ‘broken’. From others, there were also the ‘you’re just lazy’ jokes, the constant questioning of what was ‘actually wrong with me’ and the accusations that I was being ‘hysterical’ (never. ever. fucking use the word hysterical to describe a woman). And can I just stress that these were comments made which were ‘jokes’. Totally harmless jokes that made me deeply upset, self-conscious and ultimately void of self-esteem because I started to believe them. I’m the first person to laugh at my own misfortune because it is essentially my coping mechanism, but it was obvious there was something sinister (and often misogynistic) beneath these comments. These kinds of ‘jokes’ are emotional abuse (here’s a definition if you want to have a look). What led those people to constantly undermine me and what I was going through was nothing to do with me and if it’s happened to you, I can promise it’s nothing to do with you either. I was so good at justifying the way they treated me and spoke to me that I simply couldn’t understand how it wasn’t my fault. I WAS lazy, I was being overly dramatic, I was a burden, I was boring. It was something fundamentally wrong with me that someone had just happened to pick up on. This was such a familiar thought pattern for me then. It wasn’t until I started medication for depression, moved away and allowed myself to reflect on that time that I realised to what extent that person had damaged my confidence, my ability to be vulnerable as well as my judgements on what was normal and what was ill treatment. Although in that one relationship there were very blatantly unacceptable comments, there were much more subtle suggestions that the way I felt was my fault, or me being overly dramatic. It came from employers, people I dated, acquaintances. They were little things that would chip away at my already eroded self-worth, like being passive aggressive when I called in sick, or raised eyebrows when I attempted to talk about how what was going on physically was affecting me mentally. I had no boundaries at this point in my life. I thought relationships were built on endless empathy, compromise and struggle. I would have all the time, patience and kindness in the world for the other person and none whatsoever for myself. I would tell myself they didn’t realise they were upsetting me, they were only joking and would torture myself over how much of an inconvenience I must be. 

Long term illnesses will deplete your self-worth if you’re not very careful with yourself. There’s a reason that I constantly bang on about self care. I didn’t know how to be careful then and I don’t know now, but I am much better because I actively choose sensitive and positive people to surround myself with. You do not have to put up with people’s comments and opinions about something that only you truly understand. Especially in a romantic relationship because I know the guilt can become overwhelming when it comes to the horrific combo of depression and endometriosis. I definitely don’t have all the answers, but when I feel myself slipping into a potentially unhealthy situation with someone I ask myself if I would treat them the way they’ve treated me. If it’s a no, it’s over. If they have upset you and don’t want to take responsibility for that, it’s not ok. If they don’t apoligise, it’s not ok. If they endlessly repeat the same negative behaviour with the promise of changing, run a mile. Setting your own boundaires whilst being totally honest with yourself is the best thing you can do. 

 Through a change in my life plan, moving city and spending a long time trying to understand where my feelings of complete apathy towards my own mental and physical health came from, I realised there was nothing wrong with me. Most importantly I realised that I was not to blame for anything I’d experienced. Even doctors can be less than helpful, particularly when it comes to endo. From the consultant who asked me ‘why I hadn’t made more of a fuss’ after surgery, to the doctor who told me that pregnancy was a cure, sometimes you have to call people out on their blatant disregard for your condition. It’s hard, and luckily for me, I have caring and outspoken parents who were happy to call out these people and tell them that it’s just not good enough.

I write this knowing for a fact that every person who reads it and has been through a similar experience will know what I’m talking about. We live in an extremely ableist world that will relentlessly make you feel guilty for what you’re not capable of doing. We also live in a world that loves to deny women’s pain and invalidate their emotions. Remember that you deserve compassion, sensitivity and understanding, and although it is a never ending battle, you have to know that there are people out there who want to give it to you. I LOVE when people message me their stories and the feeling of solidarity I get from speaking to people who are open and kind about their experiences. Ending on a seriously cheesy note: human connection and shared experiences are infinitely healing. If you have suffered with problematic relationships, I’ll be writing about my experience with IPT (interpersonal therapy) which I start next week. This focuses on relationships that have caused negative feelings, contributed to depression and low self esteem and how those feelings stay with you and in turn impact new relationships (again these could be romantic or platonic). You can have a read of what it consists of here). If it sounds like something you could benefit from, it might be worth speaking to your GP about or contact your local IAPT service.