#the rocket send her flying off to her wife

[notadreamurr]

GUYS, GUYYSSS LOOK!!!! IT'S THEM, MY LITTLE GOOBERS!!! THEYRE SO SILLY!! I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH,,you rocked it as always, pina, this is the perfect redraw. A very jax thing to do. Pomni will be fine. she's used to this, lol.

A drawing of my beloved friend @notadreamurr cuphead AU

And yes, it's a redraw of this scene

[krissiefox]

Super Mario Sunshine (Gamecube) (Review)

"I'm having Sonic Unleashed flashbacks…"*

Despite my love for the genre of platformer games, I seem to be having a rough time with 3D offerings of the genre as of late…

Super Mario Sunshine is one of the many Mario titles in my collection I was long overdue for sitting down and trying to complete, and finally began to do so when my wife suggested I play it alongside her while we were resting in our Bungalow lodge on a trip a couple years ago. It starts with Mario, along with Princess Peach, Toadsworth, a bunch of other unnamed Toadstool folk, traveling to a resort island named Delfino. Unfortunately, shortly after arriving, a strange imposter of Mario begins causing messes of weird slime and graffiti around the island, and even cursing away the sunshine!

Shortly after meeting a seemingly sentient robotic back-mounted water pump machine named F.L.U.D.D., poor Mario gets blamed by their not very good court system, lacking any hard evidence and sentencing him based on the fact that "he looks kinda like the guy who did it". Mario is then sentenced to clean up all of the pollution and graffiti using F.L.U.D.D.

The water-themed game play gimmicks are a fun idea, but already present one of the difficulties I had with this game - one of the more important functions F.L.U.D.D. can perform is to spray water forward at enemies to stun or defeat them. Unfortunately, the aiming for this system is very awkward, and you have to very lightly press the fire button if you want to be able to shoot water while running, something that also barely worked for me. These awkward controls resulted in me suffering a lot of cheap-feelings hits, being unable to orient both the camera and my aiming in time to stop an approaching enemy. Thankfully, the other special F.L.U.D.D. moves are more reliable - there's a water jet-pack move that lets you briefly hover after jumping, helping with both reaching far platforms and making a precision landing. You also get to eventually unlock a water-blast jump that sends you flying high into the sky. Sadly, while the controls for both these functions are quite responsive, they tie into another big problem I had with the game - the camera and the physics. Every time Mario goes airborne, he always feels kind of awkward and floaty to me, and because of how the normal high jump works, I'd sometimes send Mario back-flipping in the opposite direction I wanted to send him. The camera seems to be a semi-cinematic style, sometimes moving involuntarily while I'm on a moving platform making it really hard to line up my next jump or rocket blast.

The game's world is set up like it was in Super Mario 64 - You have your main Hub world, Delfino Island, with magical portals that you can eventually discover and unlock that send you into other locations. Each of these special locations contain many different missions. Some of the missions I found pretty enjoyable, even with the awkward controls and camera, the environments are lovely to look at and fun to explore. Some missions will send you into what I call "obstacle courses" where Mario gets F.L.U.D.D. taken away and is tasked with navigating platforms over a bottomless pit -meaning that the controls and camera become just that much more of a nightmare. I dreaded every one of these obstacle courses and couldn't wait for them to be over so I could go back to hopping around on solid ground again.

Graphically, the game is delightful. Being one of the Gamecube's launch titles, it did a nice job of showcasing the water motion and shader effects the new console could pull off, which are pretty impressive for a game from 2000, and it still looks really nice to me now. As with any Mario game it is also bright, colorful and full of fun character designs. The music and sound design are great, though the limited voice acting in the game made the cut scenes feel kind of strange and disquieting - characters would often speak to Mario, but Mario would just stare back at them and barely emote at all, making him feel kind of creepy. This is a shame because having gotten to meet Charles Martinet (Mario's voice actor) last year, I find Mario all the more charming as a character because whenever he makes his happy Mario sounds I think of Mr. martinet having himself a good time in his little voice recording booth, and can't help but smile at that.

Outside of wonky controls and a fussy camera, another problem with the game is the usual Nintendo sexism. Not long after starting the game, Peach is once again treated like a trophy object and repeatedly kidnapped, needing rescuing multiple times over. This sort of thing i off-putting when it happens, and makes me glad that they aren't doing this to her in that recent Super Mario movie.

Overall, I have very mixed feelings about this game. Much like with Sonic Unleashed, I love the visual presentation, the audio design, and some of the level missions are a lot of fun - while others are a slog to be simply endured. If you have a lot of patience for difficult 3D platforming, you may have a good time, but otherwise I might suggest looking into one of Mario's other game offerings - there's certainly no shortage of them!

*Note: This is another game I decided to just post up my review of even though I haven't finished it, due to continuous frustration and loss of interest.

[alittlebirb]

Some silly swears from the MCC 23 Purple Pandas!

Phil dressing up as a cat boy in Minecraft and real life

FOR SOME REASON, Joel keeping the alerts where his character is doing unholy things onscreen every time something happens

Philza finding the dogs before the event starts in an attempt to beat Wilbur's record on dog pets

Joel being baffled at the floaty and snorkel on his skin and Gee assuring him it's fine if he can't swim, this is a judgement free zone!

Joel putting Jimmy on blast before his team for not using a mouse pad while playing

Philza then recounting how he used to use a cardboard folder for a mouse pad

"SG is either really good, or just terrible." -Joel, explaining the duality of life

Sapnap threatening them that if they go middle in SG, he will kill them, and Gumi telling them to say hi to their wife

"Which wife? Because I'm married as well..." -Joel, fellow wife haver

Lizzie putting in Joel's chat she's upset Gumi doesn't talk to her

"Say hi to your wives, that would be more polite." -Joel

Lizzie also showing up in the call in order to clarify she is not sad, she loves Gumi, and Joel apologizing for implying she was sad

"Keep 40 MCC participants in a cage without music and see what happens." -Pete, beginning to lose it

Gee and Joel discussing their deep knowledge of the Monsters Inc. universe

Joel naming his duck floaty 'Jeremy'

Phil agonizing over whether to send the meme <YOU ARE LIKE PAPA> in the chat for a solid minute

Gee talking about how she just starts shaking when the games start and Pete telling her "yeah that doesn't change"

Gee ghosting for her team after dying and saying "there's a little party if you wanna join!"

Gee calling her death "a tactic" you see, tactical

Joel skin swapping with Scar and Pete becoming Foolish

Phil analyzing the the angle of the blocks before AR starts and concluding it is possible to fly through a small gap in the map

Pete having an absolute blast playing this map with the new mechanics

Conversely, Pete having an absolute time of it with the moving walls

"Each lap that I did, I got caught on a moving wall." -Pete

Gee saying in the softest voice, "aww I love the turtle heads!"

Philza finding skips after they finish AR and everybody saying they'll have to watch his vod now

Pete throwing his chicken within the glass tube and then just staring at Phil

"Could you please move your head next time?" -Pete

The dome choosing GR anyway and Phil telling Pete it was intentional, it was to keep him on his toes!

"All in middle, nice and cozy!" -Gee

Joel trying to get the chest on top of the stone pyramid room and Pete just yelling "YO, RIGHT CLICK!"

Pete doing an amazing job of directing Gee in the sewer room

Gee having a breakdown about how the last room was "the worst thing in my entire life, this was meant to be my comeback!"

Gee agonizing over GR and Joel telling her "good vibes only!", and Pete reassuring "there's plenty of time to fall into the void in Sky Battle."

"We were doing so good at the start, and then we pooed the bed, so to speak." -Joel

Phil chugging a series of slushies for good luck, "specifically blue and red to make purple in my tummy."

"I like Big BuildMart." -Joel

Two people hitting their chickens inside the glass this time, and Phil getting subsequently ragged on for having a huge head

"I've only played Sky Battle once, and last time I made a shovel." -Gee

Pete and Joel popping off in SB, winning a round and getting to first place!

Pete falling into the void 5 seconds into the next round

"I'm gonna fill my sippy cup up during the break." -Joel

"This is what they mean when they say drink responsibly." -Pete

Philza being unable to pronounce Rocket Spleef Rush when telling the chat to vote for it, and Pete telling him "God, you're so good at convincing people."

Joel complaining he's tied with Dream on the leaderboard, but Dream is shown to be ahead because of "subscriber bias"

Pete taking them to one of his favorite PKT spots

Philza noticing all the CCTV cameras on the map for the first time

"I think Dream just set the record for the fastest hunt." -Joel, after Dream insta-kills their team

Phil trying to big brain predict the runner's path while hunting, preemptively jumping down, and realizing that the runner did NOT jump down and he is now far out of reach

Pete watching SB and Sneeg on the opposite team and just saying "Fellas, this one is a little tough!"

Phil admitting that the literal only reason he'd be sad to miss TGTTOS is because of Terra Swoop Force

Joel talking about how last time he played RSR, a block exploded under him and he got 40th place, and Pete stealing that and saying that's what happened to him in SB

"Man, these blocks just explode by themselves these days..." -Phil

Phil winning the second RSR round by just flying off into the distance while Jojo tries to shoot him

"My planet needs me." -Phil

Everyone's jaws dropping at False just ending Dream's whole career in the last round of RSR

"MCC really does humble me, you know." -Gee

Gee saying Sylvee is still Top 10 in her heart <3

Phil poorly acting disappointed at TGTTOS being played instead of BM, and then giving up and just clapping his hands excitedly

"We go zoomies with the block placement, we go *a series of littol sounds*" -Phil

Pete going on a rant through gritted teeth about how annoying it is for someone to place a block inside his block

Joel and Phil dying at the same time in shallow lava and and screaming "NO!" at the same time

"Sorry Kara." -Joel

"Are you really sorry, though?" -Gee

"No, not really." -Joel

Phil, for some reason, doing a mini scene on the toilet of a catboy going to the bathroom while waiting for the decision dome

Phil looking at all of the melted ice on the floor in MD and asking who's gonna clean that

"C'mon Scar, hawkeye him!" -Joel

Everyone rioting at the Captain getting 3rd

Joel calling Martyn "the longest loser since Captain Sparklez."

Gee saying she'll have nightmares over the orange block in GR, and Phil saying it's FINE, inflation means it's worth pennies now!

Pete bringing them to his special perspective spot for DB

Wilbur and Phil warring over which team they're supporting

Phil telling Wilbur <You are such a big brother it's painful>

Zeuz winning a 1v3 and Pete just saying because it had to be said, "that was- kinda hot when he did that- just saying-"

Joel agreeing to give a massive "FUCK YES!" if Orange wins

"FUCK YES!" -Joel

Marty becoming the Covid King

Purple Pandas finished MCC 23 in 4th place!

[mysteriesmuse]

Douxie Casperan x Reader Oneshot

Hello! Here's the second half!

Title: Just Like Any Other Day (Part 2)

"Hisirdoux!”

“Archie!”

“Oh, you’ve really done it now.”

“But,” Douxie elicited gesturing to the blue flames, “it’s a magic fire.”

“Yeah and in a book store. Why do you keep forgetting this?” Archie groaned a huff of smoke curling out of his purple dragon nostrils.

“Ugh, just give me a second,” Douxie seethed between gritted teeth.

The boys had certainly found more than they bargained for. Accidentally stumbling into a group of gnomes on the way back.

“I’ve always hated these things!” Archie yelled swooping around trying to herd the things.

“Aha!” Triumphantly Douxie held up his bracelet and captured the lot in one magic bubble. “And,” he held up a finger. “Now to send them to Jim because I’ve never liked these twits.”

“That and we have no idea what to do with these guys.” Arch groaned watching the gnomes brawl in the bubble. In his recently changed opinion the only tolerable gnome was Chompsky, and that was only slightly a stretch. The poor guy had some delusions of a wife with a Sally Rocket doll at the miniature doll residence in Tobys room.

“Yeah anyways,” Douxie whispered listening for any movement upstairs.

Archies ears flicked trying to pinpoint any noise. “Do you think we woke her?”

Archie shook his head, "That would be her now," he said flying up towards the balcony.

He perched himself on your shoulder as you came into the light. Trotting over you leaned against the railing rubbing your bleary eyes with the palm of your hand.

“It’s just a couple of gnomes. We were about to clean it up,” Archie answered in response to your squinting sleepy eyes. Nothing too disastrous or large.

Douxie watched flashing you a sheepish smile as he scratched the back of his neck. Pushing off with your forearms you made a clicking sound with your tongue and opening your arms like a cradle for Archie to slip into. The large wings and spiked tail cool to the touch in contrast to his furry body which you hugged to your chest. Waving a hand fickle-like at the mess below, “Just clean it up.”

Douxie let out a chuckle which got Archie to laugh. The rumbles flowing through your arms as he swished his tail against your thigh, content in your sleepy embrace.

"Of course,” he beamed finding the energy to send you a wink.

In your arms Archie stirred and glided back down to assist.

Walking down the stairs you watched as Douxie pulled his phone out of his pocket and began moving his thumbs rapidly typing.

Putting a hand into your bed head you attempted fixing the mess by flipping your hair back over to one side. The bluish glow of the capture sphere still fascinating to your eyes.

Shoving the phone back into his back pocket Douxie watched you scrutinizing the orb.

“Claire said to give her a minute and she’ll open a portal for us to send these over to Jim.” He replied walking over and gently pulled back your hand that was lightly poking the bubble by your wrist.

Your eyes flashed over to him with look that said ‘really?’

Douxie simply wagged a finger with a tsk noise in your direction to your wordless question.

“You don’t wanna do that.” 

“Agreed, probably not the best idea unless we want those gnomes escaping,” Archie groaned at the thought. He made a point of walking around the orb, “Although it is your magic, so technically she can’t undo it.”  

“See! It’s not even my magic,” you held out your hands gesturing to the orb and yourself, “I don’t even have magic!”  

Sighing at your sleepy, yet energetic antics Douxie grabs your hands. Grasping your soft hands in his he spoke gently, “I know you think it’s cool Y/N but you just can’t touch this.”   

He so desperately stared into your crestfallen eyes. The slight pout on your bottom lip as you blinked and nodded slowly. 

Smiling softly Douxie languidly pulls your hands up to meet his height. You take a sharp inhale through your nose in anticipation as warm breath begins fanning over your knuckles as he presses several soft kisses there.  

“Doux, I think we got just what you need.” 

Jim and Claire’s voice run through the room. The magic shadow portal opened in the middle of the book store. The purplish magic swirling like liquid in the air. 

“Thanks Claire. Right well,” Douxie began letting go of your hands and walking behind the orb. 

As he went to start moving the capture sphere you had quickly positioned yourself next to the shadow portal. You had heard that Claire’s portals were good for transportation, although you’d never experienced it yourself. 

You bit your lower lip as you smiled one hand hesitantly reaching out and running your fingertips through. It was cold and thick. Withdrawing your hand you pulled it back to your chest.    

“I’m so glad that they offered to take this for us,” Archie sighed in relief as he sat on Doux’s shoulder. 

“Me too,” conjuring his magic in his hand Douxie began to use it to push the orb into the portal Claire opened.  

“Y/N, don’t walk through on us,” Archie jokingly exclaimed as Douxie pushed the orb closer noticing your fixated gaze on the portal. 

“Oh I,” you sputtered taking a sidestep, “I wasn’t doing anything.” Quickly you hid your hands behind your back. 

“Come on darling,” Douxie flexed his free hand prompting you to give him yours.  

Doing so he guided yours to the portal letting them hover an inch away. “Can you keep it open a few more seconds Claire?” 

“Sure thing teach, do make it quick though!” 

You could hear James Lake Junior and Claire laughing briskly on the other side before it returned to indisiferable tones of conversation. 

Your eyes meet with Archie’s, then Douxie’s who each gave an encouraging nod and smile.  

Giddily, you bit your lower lip smiling as one hand hesitantly stretched; reaching out and running your fingertips through. It was cold and thick. 

“Pft,” Douxie could not hold it in. The surprise at the pudding like feel showed on your squished face. 

Archie also broke out laughing, “haha Hah!” He wheezed rolling over. As you cut your eyes to them both. 

“Why didn’t you tell me this is like-is like!” 

“Pudding?” Douxie offered clutching his side. 

“Yes, pudding,” you groaned pulling your hand out and instinctively wiping it. 

“Hey!” 

“There’s not even anything on it,” Archie called watched as Douxie groaned looking at his shirt.   

“That’s enough missy,” he teased. 

“Hm,” you paused, holding in a snicker as you splayed your hand across his chest and pretended to inspect your fingers, “I suppose so.”  

Douxie rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’m not waiting around,” Archie announced, “It’s been a rather long day.” 

You and Douxie both made a noise of agreement in response, him saying, “Not unlike any other.”

“I know, wish living with the two of you led to less adventure sometimes.” Archie yawned before the three of you sluggishly made it back up the stairs, where Douxie pulled you close and ruffled your hair. Not that you needed it. 

“Thank you, Love. I needed you today.” 

You smiled, toes curling and relishing the feeling of Douxie pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

Patting his chest you smiled, “Don’t worry I’ll need you tomorrow, remember? My bands got a gig down at . . . “ 

Douxie and you spoke openly in the quiet house. 

Archie with a frenzied interjection of “Where? That far?” In response to your gig location, “You two seriously! Why didn’t we just book a hotel? Is it seriously that far?”

The three of you spoke and joked like you’d known each other your whole lives, and in the dark apparent snickering and rubbing circles on you back Douxie certainly wished he had. 

———————-

A/N: Seriously, this has been in my notes almost finished forever! the endings kinda rushed, but i hope its still good? maybe? anyway just normal shenanigans and quiet hours with our favorite wizard boys.

[innocentlymacabre]

Anna, Version One

tw: suicide mention (not acted on), alcohol, OD mention (not acted on)

Before we begin, I should make it clear that this story takes place in the early 1960s, when aeroplane rules were a lot laxer. One could brandish a cigar, or holster a pistol, or even brandish a cigar while holstering a pistol. Now, consider if you will, the thoughts of one James Augustus McCoy, as he goes airborne in a helm of metal, held together by nothing more than nuts and bolts, and is rocketed to well over twenty thousand feet in the sky, at speeds faster than any other passenger vehicle can even attempt. His nightmare treads the razor edge between the possibility that it’s merely James’ psyche feeling especially cruel, or that what he thinks he sees hanging off the edge of the plane is real.

ONE

“Okay men, we have a problem,” Jerry Cramer began, addressing the room of three carefully selected candidates: Phil Digby, Luke Kendrick, and James McCoy. “The Swiss are backing out of the deal. Staying neutral as ever, those tricky bastards.”

“Of course they are,” Digby chimed in. James had never particularly liked him. Kind of a kiss-ass and didn’t do his job particularly well. Digby didn’t know it, but the only reason he was on this little team was because they needed a fall guy if everything went belly-up.

“Goes against who they are or some other crap probably,” Kendrick barked through a cigarette. “Knew it was risky to go into business with them.” James didn’t fall for his gangster façade, but he liked the man. He did his job and was bloody good at it.

“Be that as it may,” Cramer said, regaining control of the room, “we’ve got to get this sorted out. James, I need you on the next flight to Switzerland. Talk to Meyer, get this sorted.”

“Fuck, you got me flying again? Kendrick. Kendrick will go, he’ll get it done. He knows the deal basically as well as I do. I am not getting on a plane again. I went when we started this thing. My flying is done.”

“Said it yourself, James – you started it, we need you to finish it. “Basically as well” isn’t the same as as well. Nothing’s going to happen to you. Just get there.”

“Fuck me,” James sighed. “I’m flying first class and not paying for anything. The company’s paying for the entire trip.”

“Done,” Cramer said looking satisfied with himself.

“Can’t believe I’ve got to go back. Damn Swiss need to learn how to finally pick a side.”

“Hey, hey, it won’t be that bad. Just get on the plane and try to go to sleep. You can’t be scared if you’re not awake,” Anna suggested.

“I don’t know.”

“Look, it’s not as if you’ve got much of a choice anyway. Best to just get it done and over with.”

James snorted but ultimately resigned to his fate.

“Good man. Call me when you land. And hey, remember to pack socks – you always forget to take them and end up with one pair for the entire trip.”

“Oh, good one. Thanks, honey,” James said, breaking away from selecting a shirt to reach for his sock drawer.

“Oh, and take a few cigars from the bar – the good ones – for your meeting. You don’t want to show up to one of these things empty handed. They’ll chew you up and send you packing.”

James nodded, not stopping to question his wife’s advice for a moment. He wasn’t sure what knowledge she drew on when she gave him advice, but she was never wrong. She was also a lot more confident and open than most other women. She spoke her mind and she spoke frankly and didn’t give a damn about who knew. It was one of the best things about her and was what made James fall in love with her all those years ago.

He made a mental note to grab the cigars on his way out and headed into the bathroom to pack his toothbrush. He very well could have used the one in the hotel, but James preferred his own. He took it out of the cabinet and placed it in a small pouch, then cleared the rest of the cabinet out and took a step back. James took a deep breath, then quietly locked the door before turning back to face the cabinet once again.

Another deep breath later, he reached forward and carefully scaled the back of the cabinet, feeling for the loose part of the wood where the back gave away to reveal a small, secret compartment. This was the one thing in his life that Anna didn’t know about. They shared everything else with each other, but this compartment was only his. And it had to be. If Anna knew what he kept in there, all she would do is worry.

James wiped the unconscious sweat starting to form on his temple, then reached for the 9mm. He checked to make sure the safety was on and that it wasn’t loaded, then placed it at the bottom of the pouch along with its clip. He replaced the false back and quickly restocked the cabinet, then sat down on the toilet seat.

He didn’t know why he carried it every time he flew. Maybe it was because he wanted to go out on his own terms. If the plane was going down, he was damned if he was going to let the fire get him – he’d shoot himself and that would be the end of it. But then again, Anna always liked to point out that things are often more complicated than they seem; maybe there was some other reason he took it with him. Either way, the 9mm was James’ constant companion throughout his aerial adventures.

TWO

James walked out onto the tarmac, dragging a suitcase behind him. Donning a bespoke black suit, he did his best to give off his signature don’t-fuck-with-me look, but a million alarms were going off inside his head. He gingerly ascended the steps, pausing at the top and leaned against the frame, taking deep breathes to calm himself down.

An old man in line behind him tapped him on the shoulder, “Scared of flying?”

“Yep.”

“Me too. But my daughter’s getting married, so,” the man replied with a shrug.

“Congratulations,” came James’ warbled reply.

“Don’t worry, take your time. I get it.”

James gave the old man a smile from over his shoulder by way of reply. He took a few more deep breathes to steady himself, then entered the plane. He clambered over to his seat, helpfully in the front, and began furiously strapping himself in, tightening the seat belt as far as it would go. He clung nervously to both armrests, staring out of the window at the men loading the luggage into the cargo hold below.

He wondered what would happen to the poor soul who accidentally wound up stranded in the hold, perhaps adjusting a bag at the back or correcting the fastening on one he noticed on his way out, the others oblivious to his absence. The hold door would shut and he would scream and shout, trying to alert the others to the situation, but no one would hear him over the roar of the plane engines. Then the plane would take off and he would hold on to some strap, some bag, something, for a while, but his arms would eventually grow tired and he would succumb to his fate. He would be tossed around from side to side, smashing into the cargo as he went. When the plane finally lands, they’d find him dead in a pool of his own blood, his body and bones shattered beyond hope of creating even a semblance of the man before.

James shook his head clear; he mustn't think of such things. Especially when there was so much else that could much more easily go wrong. The plane could lose connection with ground control, their frequency could be hijacked, turbulence might toss them abou-

No!

He stopped his thoughts midway once again, turning his attention to the other passengers filing in. James had a habit of making short mental notes of the people he was going to be around for any extended period; it made him feel more secure.

Naturally, first class was mostly solitary Swiss and Britons, most likely travelling for work. James could make out a banker by the way he was reading the business section of the newspaper and a lawyer who was working on the contents of a manilla file labelled HARVEY SAWYER VS KURT WAGNER. Other than that, it was anyone’s guess. There was one couple, but thankfully no child. James absolutely detested crying infants, and more so on planes. Their accents sounded like they were Polish. Oh, Poland – a tragedy if there ever was one. Bet no one saw that coming.

James caught himself drifting to death once again and decided there was nothing more he could do. He drained the small plastic bottle from the seat pocket in front of him and pulled his nightcap down. If things were going to go wrong, he'd rather go in his sleep, instead of having to face the danger head-on. With that in mind, he popped another one of Anna’s sleeping pills in, hoping he wouldn't hit the OD limit, and swallowed it dry.

Ten minutes later he wasn't feeling any sleepier, so he resigned to his fate and reached for the Daily Mirror dutifully placed in front of him. He glanced fleetingly at the date — Thursday, February 16th, 1961 — as if to confirm that he really was having to suffer through this nightmare and read the front page.

Bad move.

The top story read "Eight Hours to Live" and was about the United States ice-skating team. Their plane crashed and exploded, killing all seventy-two passengers and crew. James's stomach tightened at the same time as the rest of his muscles loosened, almost as if they were giving up.

They were just kids, none of them more than twenty years old. Their entire lives ahead of them. But they had been snatched up by the brethren of the very thing he now entrusted his life to.

When his body finally reverted to normal, James got up to go to the bathroom, thinking a cold splash of water would help him. He picked out a small kit from his bag in the overhead compartment and made his way down the aisle.

He walked slowly, each step taken deliberately after due forethought. He was quivering with fright, with half his body poised to jump right back into his seat at a moment’s notice the entire time.

James stood by the sink and gripped the edges with both hands, staring directly at his reflection. His eyes, while usually brown, were now a disorienting shade of red. The shock sent him back a few stumbled paces, knocking him into the toilet. He steadied himself with an outreached arm, leaning on the counter, once again staring at the red-eyed lookalike in front of him. James could see the veins popping out of his forehead, crossing over and under each other, throbbing dangerously hard, feeling like they were about to rip themselves out of his body. He shuddered, suddenly feeling very cold, and wrapped his arms around his body tightly, trying to drown out the noise of the cabin and focus on his own breathing.

He doused his face with water and looked up again. His face seemed back to normal. No more red eyes. He took slow, deep breaths as he stood in the small, closet-like cabin in a contraption held together by nuts and bolts at a lethally scary height, desperately trying to forget the fact.

He opened his kit and pushed the toothbrush to the side, his hand curling around the 9mm. He sat on the toilet and stared at its pure black body gleaming in the drowsy yellow light of the cubicle. It would be so easy to just pull down on the little piece of metal and end this misery. He’d never have to fly again, never have to endure this twisted form of torture again. He quickly shook his head clear of these thoughts though and put it back.

He had performed this routine every time he'd flown, never once going beyond just looking at the gun. Sometimes he wondered why he simply didn't leave it at home if he was never going to use it. For reasons he didn't really know himself though, he always kept it back in.

He had actually made it all the way to the taxi without it once, and as he sat in the car, James breathed a sigh of relief, thinking his fear had finally been washed away. But the moment he could no longer see his house in the rear-view mirror, he told the driver to turn back around and had dashed in to grab it.

The moment James returned to his seat, the seat belt sign lit up, and the captain's voice came crackling through the PA system.

"Passengers, this is your captain speaking. We seem to be experiencing some mild turbulence. Nothing to be afraid of, but I'm going to have to ask you all to return to your seats and strap in, nevertheless.” Then, after a beep, “Cabin crew, please take your positions."

"Nothing to be afraid of..." James muttered under his breath. He'd decide that for himself, thank you very much. And he decided there was something to be afraid of and tightened the seat belt until it was pressing into his stomach, set his seat upright, and pulled up the window shade. His head lolled to the side as he stared unseeingly out of the window, his mind wandering all over the place. The pills seemed to finally be working and James did nothing to stop it — he needed to at least mentally get out of there.

The flash from a jolt of lightning snapped him back to the present. He jerked his head towards the window and froze almost instantly. There was a man hanging onto the wing, clinging for his life.

He swayed up and down and side to side, slamming into the wing over and over again. The man feverishly clawed his way forward, as if he saw the tiny window as some form of solace. His mouth opened and closed repeatedly but James couldn't make out any of the words he was saying.

James frantically called the air hostess over.

"Man... wing... lightning... window."

He had trouble forming full sentences, producing only fragments accompanied by frenzied arm movements. When the air hostess finally came to his side, the only thing there was to see outside the window were a few clouds, lazily drifting along the night sky. The steward looked at him with a mixture of concern and confusion and asked if James wanted anything.

"A gin and tonic,” he decided. “Four parts gin." If drugs didn't cut it, alcohol would have to.

Lightning flashed outside again, and the figure had re-appeared. Only this time it wasn't the same person. He took a closer look at the figure in peril and paled when he realised who he was.

"Anna..."

No. No, it couldn't be. Not his Anna. James inched closer to the window, hoping, praying, pleading it wasn't her. Oh, but it was.

No. No, it wasn't. It was just a figment of his imagination. He wouldn't call for help again. He watched helplessly as she was tossed around like the man before her; he watched with desperation as she too tried to make her way forward. But the winds were not as merciful as last time. They did not allow her to make her way to the window as her predecessor had. James was even ready to break it himself and tug her in. But no. The winds picked her up, bashed her against the body of the plane, and sent her downwards, barrelling towards the ground to grant her a fate much like that of the lost cargo man.

Desperately, James called for the air hostess again but didn't even try to offer an explanation this time. He just sat there, curled up in his seat, clinging to his sides. The air hostess — Claudia, her name was — draped a blanket over him and brought him a warm cup of tea, telling him it would help with the nerves.

Needless to say, it didn't, but James fell asleep soon after that, his body finally buckling under the stress it had been handling.

Just under an hour later, Claudia gently woke James up from his pool of sweat and told him they were preparing for landing. He had made it, but felt like some part of him had died up there anyway.

THREE

He checked in at the reception and asked for his bag to be sent up to his room. He told the receptionist he was expecting someone by the name of Leon Meyer and to send him to the rooftop restaurant when he came, then headed there himself. James had been to loads of these meetings-that-weren’t-really-meetings, but he never failed to enjoy one. He never really had a taste for boring board room meetings with drab presentations and subpar food. As soon as James hit the big leagues, he went exclusively to these ones at lavish restaurants with expensive champaign and caviar and clever segues into business deals.

“No clever segues this time,” he corrected himself. This meeting was purely about getting the Swiss back on board as soon as they could.

The lift dinged and opened right onto the restaurant, greeting James with the overwhelming scents of sausages, meatballs, pastas, and beers. It was a purposely small place, designed to look and feel ultra-exclusive, only five tables across. James was shown to the one he had reserved from back home, then began taking in his surroundings, repeating his exercise of making mental notes of who he was sharing a room with.

He decided to start at the far end of the restaurant and work his way towards himself, then beyond. At the very end, overlooking the city below, sat a man that looked like he belonged in a Roald Dahl book. A rather heavyset man, he was stirring a cup of tea with his left hand and riffling through a paper set on the table with the other. He boasted a thick moustache and gave his left hand the occasional break to twirl its end. James watched him for about five minutes but didn't once see him take a sip of the tea.

At the table next to him, sat a man of quite the opposite build. He was tall and wiry, as if the wind may carry him away at a moment's notice. He had a large pitcher next to him, but regarded it with a certain air of suspicion, as if he didn't trust the waiter that brought it to him. Instead, he focused his attention on the fish in front of him. James scowled at the appalling pairing.

The next table was him. He had arrived a bit earlier than their meeting time, but Meyer was now ten minutes late and he didn't particularly like his lack of professionalism. He noted that with some bitterness, then continued with his observations.

Next to him sat a couple on their honeymoon by the looks of it. James guessed either rich parents or incredible luck, or perhaps some combination of the two. They ate out of each other’s plates and settled in an eternal embrace that they didn't seem to be coming out of any time soon.

Finally, with a view of the other end of the city, sat two men thoroughly engrossed in their conversation. They spoke in hushed tones and had barely touched the food in front of them; by the looks of it, weren't planning on at all.

James had just made this last observation when Leon Meyer finally walked in. Dressed in a crisp blue suit, he walked quickly, maintaining his air of bravado nonetheless. James saw him and waved him over.

"Sorry I'm late, James. There was a mess at the office I had to deal with."

James had long learned the art of fake politesse and called upon it once more. "No problem, Leon." Then, reaching into the inner pocket of his coat, "Gave these a little more time to mature," he said, placing a wooden cigar box engraved with his initials on the table.

Meyer gave James a look of appreciation and eagerly took one, chopping the end off with the cutter also from the box, and produced a lighter from his pocket for the two of them.

"Look, Leon," James began. "I respect you and your company enough to skip the usual formalities and just get right to it. What's the problem with the deal? We drafted it after weeks of meetings and made it beneficial to both companies. Yours actually stands to benefit more than ours." Most of what he said wasn't true, but James saw no harm in slipping the little details in. Anything to tip the scales.

"James, I like you. I do. But the boss changed his mind. Here," he said, opening his briefcase and pulling out a file. "We've drafted another deal." He pushed the folder across the table.

James took it and pulled a pen out from his coat, ready to amend the document. They went back and forth for a while, each cancelling out the other's changes until they reached a mutually agreeable middle ground.

The technical term for what conspired would be “price fixing”, but James preferred to think of it as simply allowing British products complete freedom in the British market. They celebrated their new agreement with expensive champaign and admittedly fantastic lobster.

“Thank god the company's paying for everything,” James thought.

Thanks for reading! You can read the full story for as little as $0.86! Why not a full dollar? Because my sense of humour is in need of serious medical attention and I think this would be funny.

This is my first pay-what-you-want project and I really, truly hope it goes well! With the holiday season upon us, it would make a great (print-ready) gift too. Thanks for all your support :)

taglist (ask to be added/removed!): @caspersgraveyard @zephsthings @mujhe-rone-do @shikayatein

[h0tchner]

go team hotchner!

pairing: dad!aaron hotchner x fem!reader

summary: aaron is coaching jack’s soccer game & reader is in the crowd! aaron & reader are happily married, but another woman’s mean comments and blatant flirting makes the reader jealous. fluffy shenanigans ensue!

word count: 2.5k

includes: FLUFF, jack hotchner is the sweetest, you & aaron are married, jealous!reader, kissing, family planning, & AARON IN A GREY T-SHIRT

rating: 18+ (for VERY brief mentions of sex and a little smidge of cursing)

a/n: i wrote this for @ssahotchswife​’s soft hotch saturday! this is my first published fic, so i hope y’all enjoy. PLS (!!!!!!!!!!!) interact if you liked this, rb, comment, like and/or send me a request if you have ideas for future fics! i love y’all! - rivka💞

“Atta boy, Jack!” Aaron yells from the side of the field, clapping his hands as his son scores another goal.

Beaming, you holler from the benches along with the crowd. You watch as your husband jogs up and down the sidelines with ease, keeping up with Jack’s soccer team. It’s a stunning Saturday morning and you are thrilled to spend every moment of it with the Hotchner boys. Your Hotchner boys.

When they asked Aaron to coach the team, how could he say no? After losing Hayley, he promised himself that he would do everything in his power to be there for Jack. When you first started dating, Aaron was hesitant to introduce you to his son. It wasn’t because he didn’t want you in Jack’s life, but rather he didn’t want to scare you away. You were a 26-year-old NCIS agent and he was a 40-something FBI agent. You knew he had a son, you knew he was a widow, and you knew he was older than you: but you didn’t care. You loved him. It took a little coaxing to get Aaron to open up to you about his fears, but once he did, you assured him then and there that you weren’t going anywhere. He introduced you to Jack the very same day. Four years later, you and Aaron are stronger than ever.

The ref blows the whistle, calling a break. Aaron motions for the kids to huddle in. He squats on the floor to get on their level, enthusiastically whispering, walking them through the next play. Your heart swells watching him talk to the group of children. Aaron Hotchner, always the hero, the role-model, the leader. Gentle yet powerful: he was intoxicating.

Your eyes dart over his crouched figure; the soft, heather grey of his t-shirt clings to his broad shoulders. You draw in a breath, a memory of last night flooding your senses, remembering how you held on to those shoulders for dear life as he pounded you into the bed. You feel your cheeks blush red, and you look up to the sky, shutting your eyes to collect yourself. Damn. Even just the thought of touching him gets your blood up.

You open your eyes, letting your gaze travel back to Aaron’s body, admiring how good his butt looks in those black Adidas track pants. You bite your lip a bit, feeling overwhelmed with joy, knowing that beautiful man, inside and out, was all yours. God, what you wanted to do to...

“Damn he is HOT. Way hotter than the old coach. I think his son is on the team?” A woman’s voice rings out from behind you.

“Yeah, I think so. Did you hear what happened to his first wife? So sad, lost her when his son was little. Apparently he’s shacked up with some 20-something-year-old now.” A second woman’s voice chimes in.

“No way. Him? Married to that? He needs a real woman, not some child. A man that experienced should be with someone his own age. I’m gonna talk to him after the game, see what his deal is.” The first woman replies, voice dripping with venom.

“I think you should!” Agrees the second.

“Oh, I will. I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.” Snickers the first.

They both laugh as you sit frozen in your seat, blinded by a wave of anger and sadness.

Some child? Someone his own age? Their hurtful words pierce right through your heart as you furiously blink back tears.

The ref blows the whistle, and the team scatters back onto the field. The ladies cheer behind you as the game starts back up. It takes all your strength not to break down under the crushing weight of their conversation. You take in some deep breaths, mulling over their comments. You weren’t “some child!” You were a grown-ass woman! You had a job! You were a federal agent! You loved Aaron and Jack: they were your whole world!

As you continue to give yourself a mental pep-talk, the hurt begins to dissipate as you realize how stupid those woman sounded. They didn’t even know you, or Aaron, or anything about your relationship. In that moment, you tell yourself that instead of wallowing in self-doubt, you would stand up to them and make it known that you were the only one for Aaron.

Just like that: you begin to feel a bit better. You focus all your attention on Aaron and Jack, letting the game fly by. You ignore the ladies gossiping behind you, and, by the time the kids are lining up to give the other team high-fives, you had pulled yourself together and come up with a plan to put these ladies right back in their place. You just had to wait for the right time to make your move.

“Wish me luck!” squeals the first woman. You can feel her getting up from the bleachers behind you.

“Go get him, girl!” sasses the second.

You watch as the woman walks down the aisle, her straight blonde ponytail swishing as she goes. She’s wearing blue-jean shorts and a white lace top: an outfit you’ve seen before on a hundred women who looked just like her. In any other circumstance you’d applaud her efforts (girls supporting girls, right?) but this was your man she had her sights on. No way. Not a chance. She wasn’t going to lay a single pink manicured finger on him.

Aaron is talking to the ref and the other team’s coach when she taps him on the shoulder.

Oh HELL no. You think, frowning.

He turns around and gives her a small, polite smile. You can’t hear the exchange, but after a few moments, she sticks out her hand to shake his, laughing. Aaron curtly returns the shake and turns back to finish up his prior conversation; but, this time, the blonde woman puts a hand on his arm again, lightly pulling him away. Your blood begins to boil. She gestures to the pack of kids, now getting drinks and snacks from the fold-up table next to the bleachers. Aaron nods, pointing over to where Jack is standing, sipping on some lemonade. She puts her hand on his arm again and tilts her head.

You decide it has been long enough. It’s go time.

You walk down the bleachers, picking up the hem of your baby blue floral sundress so you wouldn’t step on it as you descended.

The woman is still all over Aaron, clearly flirting. Aaron’s arms are crossed over his chest, lips in a terse smile. It didn’t take a profiler to know that his behaviour screamed “get me out of here.”

You fluff your hair a bit, letting it fall loosely around your face. With confidence, your feet hit the soft grass and you head towards your husband.

“Aaron!” you call out, waving and smiling as you near him, shooting daggers at the blonde woman by his side.

The moment he sees you approaching, you watch his entire demeanour change.

“Y/N!” he grins, excusing himself from the woman.

She whips around to face you with a vengeance as Aaron scoops you up, tanned arms firm around your middle. He spins you around as you laugh, surprised, looking down at him with pure elation.

He sets you down and, before you have a chance to say anything else, grabs your face in his hands, crashing his mouth into yours. You throw your arms around his neck and card your fingers in his hair, kissing him with the same fervour.

You can practically feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins. It’s hot and dominating: something about winning a game makes Aaron primal and giddy. You certainly aren’t complaining.

He breaks the kiss and lets his hands fall to your waist, squeezing lightly.

“Congrats on the win, Coach Hotchner.” You smile as you brush a lock of sweaty black hair off his forehead.

“Couldn’t have done it without my favourite cheerleader, Mrs. Hotchner.” He winks, pressing a light kiss to your forehead.

“Oh yeah?” You prod, cocking your head, looking into his gorgeous hazel eyes. “Who would that be?”

“Hm.” He pauses, looking up pensively.

He wraps his arms even tighter around your middle and dips his head down, whispering one word in your ear: “You.”

You laugh, swaying with him for a moment, capturing his lips in another kiss. As you pull apart, out of the corner of your eye you watch as the blonde woman stands frozen to the same spot, mouth agape. You smirk, feeling satisfied and self-assured knowing your little scheme was a success.

Then, like a rocket, you see Jack running towards you with a mile-wide grin on his flushed face.

“Y/N! Did you see? Did you see me make two goals?” Jack exclaims.

“Yeah buddy, I saw the whole thing!” You capture him in a bear hug, kissing the top of his head. You ruffle his hair and kneel down, looking into his soft brown eyes.

“I’m so proud of you. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah! I love soccer!” Jack nods.

“You did a great job Jack.” Aaron says, helping you stand. He wraps an arm around your waist and looks lovingly down at his son.

“You’re our soccer superstar.” You add, glancing between Jack and Aaron with unbridled joy. “Now go! Go back to your friends!” You laugh, shooing him away, back to the group of sweaty 8-year-olds and their snacks.

You stand there with Aaron, snaking your arm around his back to match his around yours. You both watch as Jack bounds off. A quick glance to the side shows that the blonde woman is long gone, probably stomping back up to her friend to whine and call you more names.

“Is she gone?” Aaron murmurs into your hair, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your head.

You stutter, “How... how did you?” You trail off in disbelief.

“Oh please,” he smirks, “I had to stop you from practically biting her head off when you walked over.”

“Aaron!” you yelp, mocking upset. “You should’ve let me at her.”

He chuckles, lips twitching into a smile as he quirks one eyebrow up. “I couldn’t have my wife fighting with the aunt of one of my players. It’d reflect poorly on me.”

“She called me a child. Said that you should be with someone your own age. I think that warrants a free pass.”

His joking manner stops abruptly at your declaration. “That’s ridiculous and you know it,” he furrows his brow, shaking his head lightly.

You reach up and run your fingers over his scrunched forehead, soothing the lines into something softer.

“I know,” you nod.

Aaron pulls you into his side, wordless. Fingers tracing lightly over your hip. You knew he was thinking the same thing: no matter what they said, you knew in your heart that you and Aaron were meant to be. Age be damned. He was yours and you were his: forever. Simple as that.

“Mmm,” you sigh, taking in the beauty of the moment. You smile at the clear sky, the fresh air, and the feeling of the man you loved, right by your side. You two watch Jack as he talks and laughs with the other kids. He looks so happy to be surrounded by them: a natural conversationalist. You can’t help but start to think about how he would be the best big brother in the whole world. It makes your breath hitch in your throat a bit.

“What is it?” Aaron gives your side a squeeze.

Of course he could sense when your thoughts began to wander. Aaron was a man of many talents.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” You look up at him with a reassuring glance, returning the squeeze.

“Y/N...” Aaron trails off, hazel-brown eyes searing into yours.

Damn your gaze, Hotchner.

You look away, letting your arm drop from his waist and move to step away a bit: he grabs for your hand instinctively, keeping you next to him. His big hands engulf your small ones, fingers entwined.

You know he is still staring at you, but you can’t bring yourself to look at him yet. Your eyes refocus on Jack.

“I was... I was thinking,” you begin. “I love you. I love you so much, no matter what anybody else says. And I love Jack like he’s my own.”

You breathed in, prepping yourself mentally for what you were about to say next.

“Jack is so good with other kids.” You continue, “He loves being social, being a teammate.”

You gather the strength to meet your husband’s famous glare.

“And watching you coach these kids? You’re so good with them, Aaron. You make every one of them feel special. You give 110% of your heart, and I am so lucky to be your co-coach in life.” You tell him in earnest.

“Aaron,” you carry on, emboldened, “I think it’s time we added a new member to the Hotchner team” you finish, searching every inch of Aaron’s face for recognition.

You watch as he takes in the information. After a few beats, it clicks.

“Y/N,” his expression softens, “Do you want to have a baby?”

You bite your lip and nod, eyes wide and hopeful.

Aaron nearly explodes with happiness; his eyes crinkle as he smiles down at you, unable to speak. And then, his warm body envelopes yours, solid but soft: unmistakably Aaron.

You let out a shaky laugh and bury your head in his neck, breathing in the smell of cologne and light sweat.

He pulls back a little, one hand tilting your chin up to look at him.

“Oh my god, Y/N,” he shakes his head in disbelief.

“Does that mean yes?” you ask, in a small voice.

Aaron laughs again, letting out a sigh. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, letting his hand linger on your cheek. You lean into his touch.

“Yes,” he says, giddy. “Let’s have a baby.”

The sound of children laughing fills your ears as you grab the back of his head and pull Aaron into a soft kiss. The kiss is full of promise: a gentle pact, sealing the deal. You and Aaron were going to have a baby. Jack was going to have a little brother or sister.

You pull away, arms still around his neck.

“I love you, Aaron.” You breathe out.

“I love you, Y/N.” He whispers back.

Nobody on this planet could shake the bond you and Aaron had. Suburban soccer moms be damned.

[i-need-air]

After seeing your marriage hc’s I’d like to request hc’s of Hawks, Aizawa, Bakugo, and Shinsou reacting to their wife’s water breaking prematurely and at random. Mainly like everyone’s at a party and having a good time and suddenly someone’s like “Y/N, did you spill something?” Y/N:*doesn’t have a drink on her so she’s confused until she looks down and realizes what happened* OH-

💀💀💀💀 ok but all these guys' babies coming out whenever they foken want is a headcanon by itself, like we all know they'd be like their fathers coming and going whenever they feel like and that kills me akjdksjsj this ask made me laugh so hard but omg i felt the embarrassment when writing, send help I—

Hawks:

× your due date was approaching quickly and Hawks was so attentive it hurt

× you had to insist to go out with you friends because bird-brain was getting very worried/protective

× you finally came to an agreement: lowkey party at your house BUT you're not moving a finger

× like you could; Keigo would jump up and grab anything for you and for everyone else

× the good thing is that you ordered takeout and your friends brought goodies, much like Hawks himself so you just sat and talked with everyone while he looked at you with stars in his eyes

× everyone was talking about your future baby and just celebrating the new life about to come around and I swear, this man's feathers puffed proudly every single time

× you had such a great time, enjoying the laughter and good energy you were surrounded by when you got thirsty

× Keigo was in the kitchen, his feathers bringing some sweets for everyone in the living room so you got up [ struggled to ] and headed towards his direction

× Mirko was the one that pointed it out as she was assigned the duty to follow you around [ while she made fun of Keigo for being a mama hen but ok ]

× "Hey, [Y/N], did you drop something on you...?"

× you couldn't even see bc of your belly but you definitely heard a crash in the kitchen and some rushed steps

× as fast as humanly possible, your husband was by your side wide eyed

× "What happened?" he asked trying to be casual but his eyes roamed over you until they landed under your feet...

× "I didn't drop anything, I just wanted some water—"

× "You should have told me, birdie. Wait... Where did you get the water then?"

× "I didn't...?"

× everyone kinda stared confused until one of your friends started panicking because the heroes there were just confused???

× "Wait, you broke waters!"

× "oh, right" you mutter while honey colored eyes stare at you in shock

× how did you both forget about that? you talked about it some days ago, like—

× Panic! Hidden by a casual attitude

× meanwhile now you're embarrassed because what the hell, mini-bird?

× he orders his feathers to clean around but fails miserably while trying to grab clothes for your hospital stay

× your friends have to calm him down as they offered to help clean up and you're just embarrassed because c'mon, man

× i swear, this man does it in a rush anyway and asks everyone to keep calm [ 🙄 ] while he takes his little angel to the hospital

× car ride? lmfao have fun flying, this is an eMeRgEnCy [ trust me, you're always safe with him, no doubt of that ]

× you try to open your mouth but he's just reassuring you; "You're doing amazing, angel."; "Just a little longer and we're there!"; meanwhile you haven't fucking changed your wet clothes and were getting annoyed

× bursts into the hospital like he owns it

× guess who's sent back home and told to come back when the contraptions get stronger? mhm.

× you almost smack him bc he literally gave you no time to talk once you're back at home

× he's a dumb bird but he's your dumb bird 💕

× [ your friends stayed to clean up the dishes just to easen your burden so you find them there when you come back. they had a great time laughing at your husband before they left you with the promise they'll visit asap at the hospital ]

× honestly he's normally very calm and calculating but this time around the nervousness of being a father got to him, so please forgive him

Aizawa Shouta:

× the most chill of them all and that's very reassuring for someone who is pregnant

× you've promised him you'd take things easy and not force yourself to do much

× and even if you wanted to, honestly you couldn't

× but he's been such an amazing person to you, made you lunches, gave you back massages, did all the tough tasks around the house 🥺 so when he forgot his lunch at home, rare of him, you wanted to surprise him, completely forgetting the school had one of the best chef in the world;;;

× your body was screaming for some fresh air too so you decided to go towards U.A.

× it wasn't a long walk, really, since he had to be close to the school anyway

× so when you arrived at mid-day the first person to greet you was principal Nezu and trust me, he was so excited to see you after so long!

× he accompanied you to the teachers' room where they had all their desks already knowing he would be there shortly

× you greet All Might, which beamed to see you and started a small conversation

× the bell rang, indicated class finished and lunchbreak starter which made you excited to know you'll see your husband shortly

× and you knew he was approaching when a loud voice could be heard on the hallways

× the door opened, Shouta and Yamada walking in, the blond talking excitedly until it stopped

× "[Y/N], so good to see you!" He screamed

× Shouta's eyes snapped towards you in surprise and he walked to you in a faster pace than before

× he ignored everyone else as he scolded you "Didn't we agree you'd take it easy?"

× "Well, good to see you too" 😒😤

× a quick banter takes over you two as you hugged Hizashi and handled your husband his lunch

× "You should sit down" Nezu suggested and you started to feel the ache of walking, so you moved towards one of the chairs with Aizawa's help

× "Seriously, you're more stubborn than my students" he'd mutter, nudging your shoulder slightly, all through a smile

× but before you could reach the chair you felt it, the water running from between your legs;;;

× you gripped his hand harshly and Hizashi screamed

× "What tHe HeLL diD I STEP ON?!???"

× the mf was following you two suggesting to eat lunch together and?????

× ok, so everyone freezes until Nezu clears his throat;;;

× "I'll call Chiyo, you two wait right here!" he escapes, All Might somehow on his toes

× you turn your head towards Aizawa horrified about to suggest cleaning the mess up before getting ready to leave when...

× "WAIT, I STEPPED ON BABY JUICE!?"

× Recovery Girl came around but was pleased to know both of you were prepared for this moment, although she did have to wake Hizashi up, since he fainted; Shouta, being the big boy he is, cleaned the floor without making a big deal out of it

× at the end of the day all you could do was smile before realizing what's about to come; your baby will be surrounded by amazing people and it's all that mattered

Bakugou Katsuki:

× this guy prepares in secret; don't question all the baby books you find sneaked around the house like it's not your damned home too but whatever;;;

× Bakugou is very protective over you, he also takes charge of everything, which makes you feel bad bc you seriously feel like you can't do anything anymore

× it happened at the Bakugou household [ your in laws excitedly invited you over the phone but also suggested that they could drop by if you weren't in conditions to go there ]

× you put your foot down and said you would, knowing it would freak your husband out and guess what? it did

× but you really wanted to go out, you felt extremely bored and babied at home and were in need of social interactions

× "I swear I married the most stubborn dumbass ever—" he'd mutter as he drove you both there

× dinner was amazing, as always, and Mitsuki was making it even better by telling you funny stories from Katsuki's childhood, earning scoffs from him

× the normal arguments started and you were gently escorted by Masaru to the living room, both ignoring the banter happening by the dining table

× he joked around with you when you felt a kick saying he can definitely tell who the kid will take from, as if your baby wanted to participate in the argument too

× anyway you stopped mid-track saying you wanted to go to the bathroom; you really felt like going all of a sudden

× when you started heading towards there [ Katsuki chiming in asking if you need help, wtf ], you knew

× i mean, everyone knew;; your water broke, but want to know what else broke too? hell. hell broke loose

× "What are you staring at?! Go help [Y/N]!"

× "I know, old hag!" He rushed to you as Mitsuki went to grab some cleaning supplies

× you're apologizing profusely but you're brushed off instantly

× "No big deal, [Y/N], everything will be okay" Masaru, bless him, was by your side as his son went to grab the bag he has prepared in secret from the car

× you ended up going all together to the hospital as contraptions increased

× Katsuki was on your side reciting word by word what's going to happen, remembering the parenting books by memory; it was making you roll your eyes at them because yes, you knew;

× "Did you fucking tell her to push?" Mitsuki screamed

× "I—! SHUT THE TELL UP!" he screamed back then turned to you, telling you to breathe to just freeze in place

× both shut up as you glared at them;

× it seems the new Bakugou member really wanted to take part of the argument for before 💀

Hitoshi Shinsou:

× life was finally settling between you two

× his career, even if it was focused underground, was rocketing up, he was married to an amazing person and you were having a beautiful baby together? Shinsou was a happy man

× you both talked about how to deal when time comes and everything was settled, you even had a suitcase ready for the hospital stay

× he was so attentive 🥺

× anyway your friends suggested to see you before the big day comes and you agreed it had to be now because as your due day approached, you wanted to be home

× so you went to a small restaurant near your house to meet Izuku, Uraraka and Denki, as the days before you met your families and other friends

× Ochako got you an insane amount of gifts, Izuku was reading about parenthood idk why 💀 and Denki was just patting Shinsou's back congratulating him again and again

× you had a great time to say at least

× you snorted at Denki when he touched your belly and got a kick in response

× "Just like his father, ready to put you in place" Uraraka smiled, patting the blond on the back whike Shinsou grabbed your hand with a smirk

× but you froze in place as you smiled back because you felt it

× and dripping water could be heard

× did you just—?

× Shinsou caught on instantly on your discomfort and talked even before you could

× "What's wrong?" while you looked down, which his gaze followed

× Ok, this man is gonna stop functioning for a second, it is what it is

× meanwhile you're mortified because YOU'RE IN A RESTAURANT, YOU'RE REGULARS HERE AND YOU FUCKING BROKE WATERS HERE

× you got up in a rush yet he's faster

× everyone catches up and they all start to be frantic [ specially poor Denki ]

× the old lady that owns the restaurant comes by and has to be the one to calm the group while you apologize profusely

× she shushes you saying she's had four children, she understands completely

× Shinsou offers to help clean up, so do you, Izuku is startled in a corner being comforted by the brunette and Denki... he's fucking calling an ambulance—?????? Good thing your husband grabbed his phone before he started talking...

× but at the end you're both reassured everything is taken care of as long as you promise to bring the bundle of sunshine around the restaurant as soon as possible

× you're definitely not crying;;;

× anyway he just takes you home and helps you start taking note of the contraptions while getting everything ready to go

× honestly you were scared and so was he, but he stood by your side all the time whispering how amazing you're doing

× the restaurant owners greeted you like you were family afterwards so it's all water under the bridge— k I'll leave 💀

[just-dreaming-marvel]

It’s Always Been You ~ 148

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 1,800ish

Summary: the battle continues....

Notes: You must read Out Of Time in order to understand this. The chapter numbers continue from Out Of Time.

The fight was raging on as Clint ran through the battle field, the gauntlet and Stones with him.

“Cap!” He called over the comms. “What do you want me to do with this damn thing?”

“Get those Stones as far away as possible!” Steve ordered.

“No!” Bruce exclaimed. "We need to get them back where they came from.”

“No way to get them back. Thanos destroyed the quantum tunnel,” Tony added.

“Hold on!” Scott interrupted. “That wasn’t our only time machine.” Suddenly, the song La Cucaracha began playing.

“Anyone see an ugly, brown van up there?” Steve wondered, going to higher ground to try himself.

“Yes!” Valkyrie answered. “But you’re not gonna like where’ it’s parked!”

“Scott, how long do you need to get that thing working?” Tony asked.

“Maybe ten minutes,” Scott responded.

“Get it started,” Steve said. “We’ll get the Stones to you.”

“Not until this is finished,” Y/N said. “I need to be able to channel the Stones.” She was blasting the creatures attacking her to bits, trying to reach the Stones.

“Well hurry! You have ten minutes.”

~~~

Dr. Strange was finishing up a group of Chitauri when Tony landed beside him. His helmet disappeared as he came closer to the sorcerer. 

“Hey. You said one out of 14 million, we win, yeah? Tell me this is it,” Tony begged.

“If I tell you what happens, it won’t happen,” Strange responded.

“You better be right… Just tell me if Y/N lives.”

“She demanded the same information about you. And I can’t give you what you want either.”

“I just need to know if she survives this. I don’t care about myself or anyone else, I just need to know about Y/N.”

“I cannot tell you.”

“Then promise me you’ll do everything you can to help her and keep her safe.”

Strange sighed, his heart aching the in familiarity of the conversation. “Of course.”

~~~

Y/N was trying to be careful with the amount of energy she was using. She knew that she needed to save up for a more crucial moment that laid ahead. As she fought off the army, the gauntlet was being tossed around to whoever was the safest for it at the moment. Y/N could hear the voices of who had it in her ear, but she was far more concerned with the battle in front of her.

“Rain fire!” Thanos’ voice boomed across the battlefield.

Y/N inhaled sharply and looked up at the ship that was preparing to fire. Y/N flew up as they began to fire. She quickly noted at one hit Wanda, flinging her away from where she was fighting Thanos. Angry, Y/N flung her arms out and a giant force field formed between the battlefield and the ship.

“Y/N!” A few voices exclaimed.

Tony flew up, hovering beside her. “Honey, I’m right here. You got this.” He could see the strain on her face as she tried her best to protect everyone. “Let me know when you need me and I’ll be right here to catch you.”

All Y/N could do was nod. Tony rushed back down to join the others.

“Uh, is anyone else seeing this?” Rhodey said.

Strange looked over, noticing that water is rushing from the broken dam. Flooding the battlefield. He hurried over, using his magic to stop the water. While he focused his magic on the water, Strange looked up to see how Y/N was holding up. The force field was still taking fire and Y/N seemed to be handling it okay. But there was really no way of telling from down there.

Y/N had her eye clenched, with really no idea of how she was doing what she was doing. But she knew she couldn’t stop. Taking a shaking breath, Y/N peeked her eyes open to seeing the ship’s cannons change direction. Shooting at something in the sky.

“What the hell is this?” Sam wondered.

“FRIDAY, what are they firing at?” Tony asked.

“Something just entered the upper atmosphere,” the AI answered.

A bright light of thundering energy came surging down as Carol Danvers flew through the ship. The ship exploded, crash-landing into the lake.

“Oh, yeah!” Rocket exclaimed.

“Danvers, we need an assist here,” Steve said. Carol nodded, flying down.

“Y/N, you can come down now,” Tony said as he blasted a creature away. No response. “Y/N?” He looked up. Y/N was still there, the force field slowly retracting. Everyone else paused to look up as well, trying to figure out what was going on. “Y/N, answer me!”

With the force field completely gone, Y/N hovered there for a few seconds. Tired, she tried to regain her strength. But instead, her eyes fluttered closed and she plummeted towards the earth.

“Y/N!!!!”

Tony flew to her, catching his wife and holding her tightly to him.

“I got you,” he whispered. “I got you.”

“Tony…” Y/N rasped, slowly coming to as Tony landed.

“I’m right here.” His helmet disappeared. “Always falling,” he smirked.

She pushed away, signaling for him to set her down. Tony did so, keeping his hands firmly on her waist.

“Are you okay?” He worried.

“I’m fine,” she said. “I just didn’t know I could do that.”

“Let’s not do that again then, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Stay safe.” Tony pressed a kiss to her temple before flying away.

Y/N looked around, trying to sense where the Stones were. Her eyes caught sight of Peter, hugging the gauntlet close to his body. Carol was in front of him, going to help him up. Y/N portaled over.

“I don’t know how you’re gonna get it through all that,” Peter said after he handed over the gauntlet.

“Don’t worry,” Wanda replied, landing beside them.

“She’s got help,” Okoye added.

The rest of the women on the battlefield appeared behind Carol. Y/N smirked, sending Peter a nod and a wink. Carol flew with the gauntlet through the army as the others fought them off. 

“Carol!” Y/N exclaimed. “You can’t send the Stones through yet!” 

“We have to,” Bruce responded. “You heard wh—“

“We can’t! Not yet!! I need them. Give them to me.”

“Y/N, what are you thinking?” Tony asked.

“I’m thinking that it’s time to end this, once and for all. And I can’t do that without the Stones.”

“Do you know what you’re doing, Y/N?” Carol asked.

“I will.”

“I’m on my way back to you.”

But before Carol could get to Y/N, Thanos threw is sword at the van, causing an explosion and blasting Carol away. She lost her grip on the Stones as she did.

“No!” Y/N exclaimed. 

She portaled herself over there only for Thanos to hit her back through. Tony quickly flew into Thanos, tackling him to the ground. The wrestled on the ground for a bit before Thanos tossed Tony to the side, causing him hit his head and get knocked out. Thor flew in next, Stormbreaker held high. With help from Steve and Mjolnir, Thor tried to pin Thanos’ arm down. However, Thanos overpowered them both, knocking them out.

As Y/N finally stood back up, Thanos picked up the gauntlet. Carol got to Thanos before Y/N did, punching at him. She kept punching him, but was grabbed my the arm and flung away. Y/N portaled in front of him right as Thanos slipped on the gauntlet, the gamma radiation eating at him.

“Trying to stop me too, little girl?” Thanos taunted.

“I don’t need to try,” Y/N responded.

Holding out her hands, she willed the Stones to her. Cracking the gauntlet, the Stones ripped out and circled around Y/N. Tony, coming too, noticed the scene and pushed himself onto his hands and knees, his helmet disappearing into his suit. He was panting as he quickly made eye-contact with Dr. Strange, who was still holding the water up. With a shaking finger, Strange signaled that this was the one shot they had. Scared for Y/N’s safety, Tony shot up, going to help his wife. Strange quickly held him back with his magic. 

Tony looked back, desperate. “Let me go.”

“I’m sorry,” Strange responded. “But I promised her first."

“Impossible,” Thanos gasped. He fell back as Y/N slowly floated above him.

“I’ve waited a long time for this day,” Y/N responded. Her voice was soft, yet powerful. God-like even. She could be heard throughout the battlefield without having to raise her voice. “I’ve suffered and I’ve thrived. I’ve waited, and I’ve grown irritated with time. But it’s all worth it because I get to end this… once and for all.”

Spreading her arms out and up, tendrils sprouted from the Stones. They spread out, growing across the battlefield. As the tendrils touched those of Thanos’ army, they turned to dust. Thanos watched for a few moments in shock before growling and standing back up. He grabbed Y/N’s foot, yanking her down to the ground and causing the Stones to fall to the ground as well. She grunted as she tumbled in the dirt and debris before coming to a stop.

“Y/N!” Tony exclaimed, pointlessly trying to fight his way to her.

She was still on the ground when Thanos raised his fist. And he came down to hit her, she portaled to stand behind him.

“You missed,” she taunted through her panting.

Y/N pushed a hand forward, blasting Thanos back into a pile of debris. The Stones floated back to her as she marched towards the Titan. Each Stone found a place on her left arm, burning into her skin without her feeling physical pain.

“14 millions ways,” Y/N said, “yet we only win one… I don’t understand how, especially with the Stones on my side. But it doesn’t matter now. Because this is the one we win. You had no chance.”

“There’s always a chance,” Thanos grunted as he tried to get up.

With a flick of her wrist, Thanos’ limbs were pinned by the debris. He struggled against it as she sauntered closer.

“Unfortunately, I’m afraid you’re all out of chances,” she replied. Y/N held up her left arm, the Stones glowing. “Any last words before I end you and anyone you could possibly be allied with?”

“I am… inevitable."

“And I am your doom.”

Then she snapped her fingers and a blinding white light came over the battlefield.

next chapter >

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[thanksjro]

Bayverse: Treating These Movies with More Dignity than They Deserve or Contain, Because I’m a Goddamned Professional - Part One

TRANSFORMERS (2007) - UNCOMFORTABLE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN TEENAGERS THAT I DIDN’T NEED TO SEE

So.

This is a little different than what I usually do.

Clearly.

God, how did we even get here?

Oh, I remember.

The date was September 17th, 2020, and I was in a stream with nine or ten other people watching the first Bayverse Transformers movie. Why we were watching it doesn’t particularly matter- sometimes you just gotta watch garbage so you can refresh your palate for the good stuff, I suppose. Also, a couple of folks wanted to make goo-goo eyes at Blackout’s rotors.

...It’s not my thing, but I’m glad they’ve got something to make the journey worth taking.

I made some sort of comment about only using my brain for this blog’s content, and someone (you know who you are :)) suggested that I take a proper look at the film. Being who I am, I immediately latched onto this idea, despite it being technically outside of what I write about.

And then I quintuple-downed, because winners don’t quit.

Good to know that my BA in Film Production wasn’t a complete waste of time.

Fun fact, I broke my television trying to watch Transformers for this. I think the universe was trying to stop me, by making me perform surgery on electronics, and also aggravating my carpal tunnel.

This movie came out when I was 13, and it was the first Transformers thing I saw after Cybertron. Yes, the anime one. No, not the one that’s objectively terrible.

Anyway.

How did I feel about Transformers when I saw it the first time? Well… it was okay. I liked the robots. I thought Mikaela was pretty, not that I knew what that meant back then. I watched it a few times, if only because my oldest younger brother kept renting it at Blockbuster. It was fun.

Now I’m older, and wiser, and know feminist theory, so my opinion is less “this exists” and more “blind, murderous rage”.

Our film opens up with some claptrap about the Cube™, a MacGuffin of ultimate power that allows the Transformers to create worlds in their image and populate them. Which means this is how they reproduce.

It always comes back to baby-making, doesn’t it?

The narration goes on about how the Cube™ is very powerful, and some folks wanted it for good, and others for evil. The criteria for being “good” and “evil” isn’t established, and I’m not exactly sure how one would define such a thing, when all the Cube™ does is create life, but, well, we’ve only just begun. Maybe we’ll get some answers later on.

Haha, I doubt it.

So, the Cube™ is the catalyst for our 4 million year war this continuity, and that sucker was lost in the shuffle a while back. This is a problem, because, again, the Cube™ is how the Transformers reproduce. Now everyone’s in a mad scramble to find the thing so their species doesn’t die out.

Three guesses as to where it ended up, and the first two don’t count.

Smashcut to the shit nobody cares about- the humans. We see an Osprey fly over the Qatar desert, carrying a buttload of American soldiers. We get a taste of some good old-fashioned xenophobia, as several soldiers mock a guy for not speaking English and loving his mother’s cooking, going full “funny haha gibberish language” on him. We’re two and a half minutes into the film, and I already want to stab something.

Ed Sheeran breaks into the conversation, I guess because he was feeling left out, revealing that he is the New Yorker stereotype of the film, for some reason. The fellas ask their captain, Lennox, what he’s looking forward to most about getting home from their tour, and he reveals himself to be a family man. While he’s been away, his wife had a baby, who he hasn’t so much as held yet. His men respond by mocking him.

For loving his child.

We’re three minutes into the film, and the toxic masculinity might actually make me have an aneurysm.

The Ospreys land, the lads disembark, and we get a snapshot of what downtime during deployment looks like to Bay. There are a lot of kiddie swimming pools involved. Two men play basketball. We watch multiple men take outdoor showers. A young Qatari boy brings Lennox a camelback water pack with a smile on his face. This lets me know that he’s a prop and not a character in this film. I can’t wait to see how many horrors he’ll be put through to simulate pathos.

We get a shot of a helicopter flying over the desert, one that the US military doesn’t recognize as their own. They send a couple of planes to check it out, and said planes get their shop wrecked. The helicopter is revealed to be the same ‘copter that was shot down several months prior. That’s… not good. Ghost helicopter?

No. Not at all, actually.

Lennox gets on a video chat with his wife and daughter, who is wearing one of the most ridiculous baby outfits I’ve seen in a hot minute. And I used to work in childcare, so I’ve seen a good amount of those. The writing implies that normal bodily functions are unladylike and therefore undesirable… in an infant… and that’s when all hell breaks loose, thankfully saving me from more of Bay trying to make me give a shit about these characters.

The helicopter lands, we get a shot of the mustachioed pilot, who glitches (gasp), and the line “have your crew step out or we will kill you” is uttered. Not even trying to hide the nationalism, are you?

This film hit theaters in 2007, when the xenophobia from 9/11 was still heavy in the air of the general populace, so things like this were more tolerated, and in fact approved of. Of course, it’s not like America has really improved on that subject, or ever really had a point where we weren’t terrible about it, since we live in a world where the military-entertainment complex exists.

See, the Department of Defense and a good chunk of American entertainment industries have a little deal going, and have for the last few decades, and it goes like this: The DoD will allow the use of their vehicles, personnel, and bases, or the likenesses of such, for free, in exchange for their operations being shown in a positive/morally justified light. This is why you never see the armed forces portrayed in a way that makes them out as anything less than heroes- nobody would be able to afford the sets/likenesses without the DoD’s aid. This is also why you see straight-up advertisements for the military branches on televison, in cinemas, and online, and why both the Army and Navy have flirted with having Twitch channels.

It’s all a ploy to get you to join the military, kids. It’s propaganda.

But enough about that, it’s time for our first transformation sequence!

We get a lot of moving parts with this, since it’s realistic CGI in a live-action movie, and it still holds up. It’s hard to tell what’s actually happening, but it, if nothing else, feels alien, surreal, and horrific to behold. They even included the original sound effect in the cacophony, which is nice.

Our ghost helicopter reveals itself to be a Transformer, not that we get that terminology at any point in this film. This specifically is Blackout, a Decepticon. The soldiers start firing on him the moment he starts transforming, then are surprised when the thing they started shooting with several guns retaliates. This is the point where everything ever in this military base explodes, brilliantly and repeatedly, because it wouldn’t be a Bay film without it. There’s a lot of shouting and bright lights, and I’m positively certain that a great deal of people died during this fight.

It’s just a shame that I don’t care.

Blackout rips the top off of a building like it’s a tin of anchovies, and then snags all the hard drives he can, downloading everything. This is a problem, but it seems like nobody was prepared for a giant alien robot hack-attack, because in order to shut down the power to the servers, you need to be able to unlock the breaker box, and no one seems to have the key. They solve the problem with a fire ax.

Lennox is leading the Qatari boy through the base towards safety. I should mention that it’s night now, and several hours seem to have passed since the Ospreys landed, so I don’t know why this kid is still here. He’s got, like, a house and family to go home to.

We get some more tank-throwing action, Sergeant Epps almost gets flattened under Blackout’s foot, then the movie decides it’s going to try to make things more interesting by having each shot cut flash, for whatever reason.

Someone shoots Blackout with a rocket launcher, I think, and this is the point where he throws his tiny little man off his back to go do his job. Yes, Blackout’s got a baby, and that baby is Scorponok, his symbiotic pal who likes to dig into the ground and be a sneaky little bastard.

Blackout blows up a ton more military equipment and personnel, and then it’s time for another smashcut.

Now we’re in high school, just like all those dreams I’ve had where I’ve forgotten my homework. This is where we meet Sam Witwicky, our main character, and also the stand-in for our target demographic. He’s insufferable, and I don’t like him. Mikaela Banes, our love interest, is also present in this scene, but we don’t get to know about her character for, like, another 20 minutes, because who gives a shit about women, right? They’re just props, right?

Right???

RIGHT??????????

RIGH-

Sam is presenting on his great-great-grandfather, Archibald Witwicky, for his family genealogy report, in front of a class containing maybe three actors who are age appropriate.

I know child labor laws are a good thing, and that hiring adults to play teenagers is just the lay of the land, but I swear some of these students look like they’re old enough to be on their second mortgage and third kid.

Anyway.

Archibald Witwicky was an explorer, one of the first to traverse the Arctic circle, and apparently his crew was made up of folks from 2007, because I swear the clothing for a few of these dudes isn’t period-appropriate. We get a seamen joke, because of course we do, and a sextant joke, because of course we do. Sam is also hawking all this crap he’s brought in for the presentation, because he is a little bastard who has no idea what his peers would want to buy, or really how to relate to them at all. He’s selling these “priceless” artifacts so he can get a car. Mikaela finds this charming, for some fucking reason. Also, her boyfriend is weirdly stroking her shoulder blade with his knuckles the whole time this is happening, and I hate it.

Archibald Witwicky went mad after his expedition, talking about an “ice man” so often that his family ended up locking him in a mental asylum, likely to be forgotten about. Which is sad. But we won’t be getting into the medical mistreatment of the mentally ill in Bayverse, now will we? That’s just Too Deep™.

Sam’s teacher didn’t very much appreciate having his class be turned into an episode of Antiques Roadshow, but still gives Sam an “A” on the project, despite it being a very poor report that lasted all of two minutes. I suspect the teacher has tenure, and therefore no longer gives a shit about academic integrity. This “A” means that Sam’s father will buy him a car.

Which is nice, I suppose, if I gave a damn.

Sam’s father, Ron, picks up his son in a car he probably bought at the crux of his midlife crisis, in a green that reminds me of a school gymnasium floor, then plays a prank on his child by pretending to pull into the Porsche dealership. Sam isn’t getting a Porsche, which is good, because he doesn’t deserve one. As Sam gripes to his father, a yellow Camaro drives by oh so conspicuously. Wonder what’s up with that.

Instead of the Porshe dealership, they head over to the used car lot, which is being run by Bobby Bolivia, who spends his time yelling at his employees and wanting to murder his mother. Sam is incredibly ungrateful about the fact that his dad is helping him get a car, even though it’s his FIRST car, and nobody gets a nice one the first go around. Or, at least, they shouldn’t, given the statistics about accidents with young drivers.

“No sacrifice, no victory” is uttered by Ron, which is the family motto, or so he claims. Archibald Witwicky said the same thing when he had multiple people dying trying to get to the Arctic Circle, so there’s precedence for the phrase, but we’ll see how it holds up throughout the film.

Bobby Bolivia shows Sam and Ron the cars he has for sale, and Sam is immediately drawn to the yellow Camaro in the lot, though there’s a small problem- it’s too expensive for what he and his father agreed to. Also, nobody knows where the hell it came from, so paperwork might be an issue. When Bobby tries to show Sam the yellow Beetle they have right down the line, everything explodes, because this is a Bay film, and fuck the original material this movie was based on. Bobby lets them have the Camaro for a lower price, suddenly fearful of whatever strange powers have just visited his place of business. “The car picks the driver” is suddenly more than a bullshit line to spout off in order to sell cars, and I’m certain that’s shaken the poor man.

Over in Washington, D.C., the Secretary of Defense prepares to address just what the hell happened in Qatar, lamenting on how young the audience he’s going to be speaking to is. In particular, he’s referring to the two dweebs and the hot chick sitting in one of the rows. All the women in this movie who aren’t someone’s mom are made up to be very pretty. And not even in a realistic way. But we’ll get to that in a bit.

So, the military network was hacked. That’s bad. Nobody knows who did it. That’s also bad. The only lead the US has is a soundbite, which is the signal that hacked the network.

Everyone here at the briefing is going to be helping to figure this mess out. This is great, if you like looking at Rachael Taylor for a few seconds at a time, and can compartmentalize hard enough to make that worth the effort of watching this godforsaken film.

Back at the Witwicky household, we meet Mojo, a chihuahua with a cast that doesn’t seem like it’s actually doing anything. I wish he was the main character instead of Sam.

Sam arrives home from the dealership, and says “alright, Mojo, I’ve got the car. Now I need the girl.”

As if ownership of a person is something to aspire to.

As if women are property to be owned.

As if women aren’t people, but rather commodities.

We’re 17.5 minutes into this film.

We’re introduced to Judy, Sam’s mother. She’s shrill, and annoying. This is by design, because none of the women in this film are actually people, but rather archetypes to bounce off of the male characters.

Sam and his father have a moment of what some might consider banter, then Sam gets huffy with his mom over gender roles for the dog. I, for one, think Mojo looks positively dashing in his bedazzled collar, and to hell with whatever Sam says to the contrary.

Sam drives off to go be a misogynist, with the promise to be back by 11PM.

Over in Qatar, the soldiers and that little boy are running from the attack on their base, as Lennox’s wife watches a public announcement on the matter back at home. The Secretary of Defense lets us know that we’re at DEFCON Delta at this point. Lennox Jr. cries, and all I can think about is how they probably pinched that baby to make that happen. They pinched a baby for Transformers (2007).

The soldiers in Qatar talk about shit they have no idea about, Sergeant Epps going on about somehow having been able to see a forcefield around Blackout through his super special binoculars. I don’t know how, or why, he knows this. I don’t know anything anymore.

Ed Sheeran has his doubts about this whole thing, and Lennox is also present in the scene, because I guess he’s important. Through a bit of dramatic irony, Fig- the guy everyone was making fun of for being bilingual at the start of the film- says that this probably isn’t over, as the shape of Scorponok shifts through the sand just beyond them.

Epps is having a minor crisis over the fact that Blackout saw him, but we don’t have time for that, because we’ve got to get to cover. The lads decide to head to the little Qatari boy’s house. Again, I wonder why he was at the base at all, considering that it seems like they’ve been traveling for a good portion of the day.

Back with Sam, he’s picked up his friend Miles, and together they’re going to a lake party. Are they invited to this party? Yes, but also no. It’s public property though, so it should be fine. As they park, Sam notices that Mikaela is here, which is great for him.

Mikaela’s boyfriend, Trent- whose name I had to look up- is a massive tool, and starts pestering the two boys for daring to exist in his airspace. Miles climbs a tree. I’m glad he’s having fun, at least. Sam makes a joke at the expense of people with brain injuries, and this for some reason? Warrants a shot of Mikaela making the blank “pretty girl” face? In response?

Mikaela saves Sam from becoming a wet stain on the grass, which is very kind of her, and more than Sam really deserves. Trent, his boys, and Mikaela start to head off for another party, to get away from Sam and his tree-loving friend. Mikaela offers to drive, and Trent says that she can’t handle his truck, because she’s a ~girl~. This causes Mikaela to ditch him, and start walking home.

The script knows enough about misogyny to know that this would be a nice “take that”. Michael Bay, however, likely fails to see why everything he did with said script involving this character is a goddamned problem.

Because Mikaela, bless her heart, has a lot of problems.

Let’s start with the outfit: a croptop, a jean skirt that BARELY covers her ass, and a pair of wedge heels that are at least four inches tall. On a character that is, at oldest, freshly 18.

Look, I’m all about self-expression and the freedom to choose how you dress for yourself and yourself alone, but this clearly isn’t that. This is a character, not a person, whose wardrobe was designed for the straight male gaze. She’s wearing fucking STRAP HEELS to the lake. This is about oogling. This is about reducing a whole-ass person to the same status as a piece of meat. In fact, who was on wardrobe for this? I’d like to have a few words with-

A woman? Okay, well, what else has she worked on?

You can’t be fucking serious.

ANYWAY.

Miles just called Mikaela an “evil jock concubine.” I don’t like Miles anymore.

As Mikaela walks down the road, strutting hard enough that I’ve got sympathy pains in my hips, the radio in the Camaro turns on, playing “Drive” by the Cars, and giving Sam a hell of an idea; he’s gonna drive Mikaela home, so she doesn’t have to walk the 10 miles to her house. Why he knows how far she lives from the lake isn’t addressed.

Sam kicks Miles out of the car and goes to give Mikaela a ride, which she accepts after a bit of self-deliberation, and also him making an ass of himself. The shot here is framed with Sam like he’s a normal-ass person, and Mikaela from her breasts to the top of her waist. Because of COURSE it is.

She hops in the car and then goes off about her taste in hot guys. Which is weird, and out of left field. Sam is about as confused as I am, then continues to make a fool of himself. This is his nature as a person. Mikaela has no idea who Sam is, even though they’ve gone to the same school for the last 10 years and have multiple classes together. And the fact that she was staring him down all through his genealogy presentation. And at the lake.

This movie isn’t very well thought out, I feel.

It’s at this point the the Camaro turns the key on itself and starts to sputter out and die, as “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye pops on the radio.

I don’t like how this car is trying to get Sam laid.

I don’t like how this car is trying to get Sam laid with a girl who didn’t even know his name five minutes ago.

I don’t like how this car knows what sex is.

The Camaro breaks down on a cliff, and Mikaela hops out to work on the engine, and also to get the hell away from Sam’s sputtering.

As Mikaela admires the sweet engine in this Camaro, showing off her knowledge of cars, we get several shots of her from her breasts to her thighs, while Sam is treated like an actual person. Don’t bother trying to play it off as an artistic choice, Bay, this is blatant horndogging. This adds to NOTHING, other than my ire.

Sam says more stupid shit, and Mikaela, who must be the nicest fucking person in the world, just tells him to fire up the engine so she can try to sort out the problem. Then he asks why she goes for jackasses like Trent, and she decides that she’s hit her limit for today, opting to walk the rest of the way home. Good on you, Mikaela. Don’t take Sam’s bullshit.

Sam, realizing that he’s put his foot in his mouth for the 80th time today, pleads with his Camaro to do him a solid and work, and this actually works out for him. Great. Sam, victorious, once again offers Mikaela a ride, which she, once again, takes.

He drops her off without further incident, and she thanks him for listening. Even though they didn’t really talk that much. I dunno, maybe they had a super deep conversation offscreen. Mikaela asks Sam if he thinks she’s shallow, because clearly all women need approval from the men around them, and Sam says that there’s more to her than meets the eye.

Which made me groan aloud.

Anyway, she gets inside without a problem, and Sam professes his love for his new Camaro for allowing him to talk to a girl. Or at least talk at her.

Back in Washington, D.C., at the Pentagon National Military Command Center, we’re making weirdly racist calls on who hacked the military.

Up with Air Force One, a conspicuous boombox transforms into a robot, and then runs off to hack shit. The President of the United States requests some snack cakes. A flight attendant goes down to storage to retrieve said snack cakes, and finds that boombox in the elevator with her. Considering this is Air Force One, you’d perhaps expect her to immediately be suspicious of such a thing, but this is Bayverse, and we don’t think here.

The flight attendant brings the boombox down with her and places it on the counter as she goes to get the presidential snack cakes. The boombox immediately disappears. Now, you’d perhaps expect her to immediately be suspicious of such a thing, but this is Bayverse-

The flight attendant opens up the snack cake package, for some reason, and drops the cake on the floor. She then proceeds to eat it, and then act shocked when it tastes like floor. There’s a robot in her fucking line of sight, and you’d perhaps expect her to immediately be suspicious of such a thing-

She leaves to go feed the President floor cakes, and our little robot friend gets to work stealing government secrets. He, if nothing else, looks pretty cool doing it. He’s a very pointy lad.

Back at the Pentagon, Maddie- Rachael Taylor’s character- can hear the hacking. This sends everyone into a panic, because, well, that shouldn’t be happening. The hacking noise is a direct match to the one from Qatar, so that’s obviously a problem.

Back on Air Force One, our little robot friend is looking for “Project Iceman”, which he very quickly finds, and downloads everything they’ve got on it, and also plants a virus. The process seems to be… doing things to him. It’s weird. This movie is weird.

The Pentagon cuts all the system hardlines, stopping the process, but it’s too late- he got what he wanted, just about. Two security personnel come into the room, and the robot kills them both with some spinning blade disc nonsense. Air Force One is forced to land for the safety of everyone on-board. More security detail comes in to deal with the little bastard, but he transforms into a boombox and sits on a shelf to avoid suspicion. Now, you’d perhaps expect-

With the plane grounded, our robot is able to walk his little ass over to a cop car. And when I say walk, I do mean walk; this fucker is in multiple folks’ line of sight and nobody notices a thing. When he enters the car, he’s greeted by the mustachioed driver- the same driver who was operating the helicopter at the beginning of the film. This mustache man is a holographic avatar, one that’s being used by all the Decepticons.

We get our first real taste of Cybertronian language, as our robot- it’s Frenzy, his name is Frenzy- lets everyone know that he’s found a clue to the location of the AllSpark, and, through the power of the internet, knows where to find the guy who’s gonna give them what they need.

Three guesses to who it is, and the first two don’t count.

Back at the Witwicky household, Sam’s car does a runner in the middle of the night. Sam, horrified that his property is being stolen, pursues on a bike, screaming at his dad to call the cops. Sam also calls the cops, as he tears through the neighborhood.

The Camaro breaks into an abandoned building, Sam follows, and we finally get a shot of our audience appeal character. Sam watches in disbelief as a giant yellow space robot shines a beacon into the sky, then makes a video on his flip phone recording the experience. He apologizes to his parents for owning pornographic magazines, and goes to face his probable demise.

However, death does not come from above, instead manifesting itself as two of the strongest junkyard dogs in the known universe, who break their brick-inlaid chains to get at this little dip of a man. Sam is chased through the yard, climbing on top of a couple precarious oil drums, even though there’s a ladder, like, right there. The Camaro rolls in, scaring off the dogs, and Sam bolts, throwing the keys to his ride at his ride. When he gets outside, the cops have arrived, and immediately arrest him.

Back with the US government, the Secretary of State is having a conversation about all the bullshit that just went down with Air Force One. He and his fellow cishet old white men discuss their options, until Maddie comes in to set them straight on some of the facts. They act all indignant about it, because women can’t be smart, right?

Right???

RIGHT??????????

RIGH-

Anyway, we get a weird little deflection of Maddie’s role in everything, because a woman is nothing without the men around her, then she brings up the point that the bullshit that happened on Air Force One went down in just a few seconds, which isn’t something that anyone can actually do. She brings up quantum mechanics, which everyone blows off as nonsense- not that I wouldn’t as well- and theorizes on a DNA-based computer, which is technically a thing, if not trapped in the realm of speculation. It’s at this point that the Secretary of Defense tells her to come back when she can back these wild claims up, and isn’t just clearly spitballing.

And then he snaps his fingers at her, and any point he might have had leaves my brain so I have more room for being enraged.

Back with Sam, we’re at the police station talking to the cops. His dad is here, and Sam is trying to explain that his car is a dude. Even though he took at a video (one that was likely crap, given how quickly he spun his phone around to show off what he was seeing) the cops, understandably, don’t believe him. Then one of them, not so understandably, starts… threatening Sam? With his sidearm? And daring him to try something? This isn’t any sort of statement on the corruption of American law enforcement, it’s just bizarre.

Back in Qatar, our soldier buddies have found a telephone line, and are going to try to use it to get in contact with the rest of the world. It’s just too bad that Scorponok’s decided to make an entrance, and knock said telephone line the hell down. Ed Sheeran has next to no reaction to this, despite it happening maybe ten feet behind him. Fig speaks Spanish, and Ed Sheeran makes a point to be an asshole about it.

Scorponok is about to stab Lennox with his very pointy tail, when Epps notices- finally, someone with peripheral vision- and starts shooting. Then everyone starts shooting, kicking up enough sand to blind themselves, as Scorponok scuttles away, buries himself, then reappears behind Ed Sheeran.

Ed Sheeran does not survive this experience.

The others bolt, not wanting the same to happen to them, and for the fourth time I wonder just why the hell this young boy was at the base in the first place.

Off in the distance, the community of a nearby town wonders just what the shit is going on out in the desert. Our soldiers run into the town, and everyone gets their guns and start firing on Scorponok, who retaliates, because why the hell wouldn’t he?

Lennox demands that the young boy take him to his father, and proceeds to borrow his phone. As shit goes down outside, we have a sort-of gag where Lennox is trying to contact the Pentagon, while a telemarketer tries to get him to buy a phone package. In order for this call to go through, he’s going to need a credit card. This is where the well-known “pocket” scene comes from, as Lennox searches Epps’ pants for his wallet as he fires on Scorponok. It’s probably the best-written thing in this whole film.

With the credit card acquired, Lennox finally gets through to the Pentagon, and tosses Epps the phone so he can talk. Maybe he’s got anxiety about speaking on the phone, I dunno.

Scorponok shows off his disregard for historical architecture, blowing up several buildings, and the US government just watches this all go down. One of the actors in this scene looks like my dad, and it trips me up every time he’s on screen. Anyway, now the Pentagon knows about the giant space robots running around in Qatar. They send over some air support about it. All this manages to do is piss Scorponok off.

So they try it again.

This time it works, sort of.

At the very least, he’s left now.

Tail fell off, though.

Also, Fig’s been grievously wounded. The others, for once, don’t make fun of his native language while they help him hold his blood inside his body.

Back at the Pentagon, Maddie’s looking to prove that the bullshit that’s been going on is of the sci-fi variety, and in order to do that, she’s going to need a little outside help. She takes the information from the Pentagon, slaps it into an SD card, hides that shit in her blush compact, and then runs out the door to Glenn Whitmann’s house. Or, rather, his grandma’s house.

Glenn is a hacker, and shouldn’t be seeing anything that Maddie’s brought him, but everyone knows that confidentiality is for nerds, so whatever.

Back at the Pentagon, Maddie’s immediately been caught. It’s almost like slapping the military network onto an SD card maybe wasn’t such a hot idea. But what do I know?

Glenn takes a look at the soundbite and figures out that there’s a code embedded in the thing in about two seconds. Good to know our tax dollars are being well-spent on the US military, that some dude in his jammies can figure this shit out faster than a whole team of analysts. They figure out that “Project Iceman” is involved with this somehow, and also the existence of Sector Seven. It’s at this point that the FBI busts in. Good. I kind of want Maddie to go to jail for this, because she was about as stupid as she could be handling the situation.

Glenn’s cousin goes through a closed glass door- don’t worry, it’s tempered- and there’s a weird cut before that exact same shot continues, and he’s tackled into the pool. There was no reason for that to have happened, but here we are.

Back with Sam, we’re treated to him in his boxers, shooting basketballs in his room. He goes into the kitchen, where Mojo is standing on a stool. It’s a very tall stool, the sort you sit on, and he’s just… there. I don’t know how he got there. There’s no one else in the room besides Sam, and I know he didn’t put him there.

Clearly this must mean Mojo is God, and being on that stool is his divine will. I will be approaching the rest of the franchise with this in mind, because it’s clearly the only answer.

Our merciful Lord Mojo jumps up on the kitchen counter and begins growling at something through the window. Sam looks out… the opposite window… to find that his Camaro has returned to him, and is less than thrilled about it, to put it lightly. He drops a jug of milk- luckily it was mostly empty, given the sound it makes when it hits the floor- and gives his buddy Miles a call. You remember Miles, don’t you? If you don’t, it’s fine, because he reestablishes his quirkiness with a single shot, as he sits in a swimsuit and bathes his huge-ass dog in a kiddie pool, and answers the phone with a headset he just happened to be wearing. He must get a lot of calls during Dog Washing Hours.


After giving us one of the most intense voice cracks I’ve ever heard, Sam books it out of his house, hopping on a bike to escape his murderous Camaro. He’s not seen the thing commit any murders, mind you, but he seems pretty convinced that it would do the job, given half a chance. Also, this isn’t the bike he rode the night before; that one is likely being chewed on by those strong-ass junkyard dogs. No, for some reason, the Witwickys have a pastel pink girl’s bike, with the fun little handle tassels and the basket and everything. As far as I can tell, Sam is an only child, and if you think Bay’s going to allow for a teenage boy to have the vulnerability to own a pink bike, you’ve not been paying attention for the last 48.5 minutes.

The Camaro gives chase, rolling after Sam on his bike at a brisk 7 MPH down the friggin’ sidewalk, one of the only scenes in this travesty of a film to actually get me to crack a smile. Sam races through town until city planning puts a stop to him, through the magic of using chunks of cement to decorate the mulch around their trees. He crashes his bike, faceplants into the concrete in front of Mikaela, and promptly dies, thus ending the film.

No, he doesn’t die. I just told a fib. I’m sorry.

Instead, he does a flip and lands on his back, likely receiving a concussion, in front of Mikaela and her friends. Her friends laugh, because everyone hates Sam, as they should, and Mikaela says that what he just did was “really awesome.” Don’t try to be nice, Mikaela, this is Sam we’re talking about; you could stick the dude in the freezer overnight and he still wouldn’t be even remotely cool.

Sam gets back to the whole “running away from a car” deal, and Mikaela decides that this is the sort of thing she’d like to do with her day, so she ditches her friends in the middle of their scheduled Burger King™ time to go see what the hell Sam’s on about.

As Sam is chased by the Camaro who is being chased by Mikaela on her motorized scooter, a cop becomes involved, tearing through the streets to join this ridiculous game of tag. Now, we’ve seen two different flavor of cop so far- the mustachioed avatar cop car that picked up Frenzy from the airport, and the dude who threatened a teenage boy with a gun after accusing him of being under the influence of drugs. Either way, I don’t think this is going to turn out well for Sam.

Sam’s cornered himself under one of those really wide bridges where people can park their cars, which wasn’t terribly smart, but it’s Sam, so this is about par for the course. The Camaro manages to miss him, but the cop car does not. Sam is actually pretty cool with the cops being here, as if they could do anything about “Satan’s Camaro.” I guess he didn’t see the decal on the side of this car that says “to punish and enslave…”

Sam attempts to approach the car for help, and gets clotheslined by a car door for his troubles. He hits his head on the pavement, certainly exasperating the brain injury he received not ten minutes ago. Still, he continues to try to talk to the holographic avatar through the windshield, revealing that the bike he’s been riding is his mother’s. Mystery solved, I suppose.

The cop car doesn’t much appreciate being slapped on the hood, and begins to rev violently at Sam, threatening to run him over several times. Then it explodes into being a robot. Sam, who’s seen a lot of really weird shit in the last 24 hours, nopes out of the situation. It’s at this point that I realize he’s wearing a shirt for the band the Strokes. I don’t know why that stuck out to me, but it did. Guess my brain needed something to latch onto during all this.

Sam is running as fast as his little legs allow, as our newest robot friend takes up a leisurely jog to keep pace. Then he kicks Sam. He kicks Sam’s body like the football. This, of course, instantly turns Sam into a bag of jelly and kills him, thus ending the film.

No, he doesn’t die. I just told another fib. I’m sorry.

Sam somehow survives being punted by a giant metal leg and lands in the windshield of a car that doesn’t turn into a robot. Then he gets yelled at by the cop car. This is Barricade, a member of the Decepticons, and Sam’s got something he wants. Or, should I say “LadiesMan217” has something he wants.

LadiesMan217 is Sam’s Ebay username. This is both stupid because no teenage boy existing beyond the year 1985 would have ever called himself that, and also because it’s just stupid.

Barricade wants the glasses Sam presented for his genealogy report, and he wants them NOW. Seeing as the thing he wants is for sale, and nobody had been bidding on it, one would wonder why Barricade and his associates didn’t just try to purchase them like upstanding citizens. Perhaps Decepticons don’t understand the concept of money, or perhaps they don’t have a stable address to have the glasses shipped to. Or perhaps nobody considered that angle when the script was being put together. Who can say?

Sam gets back to running away from Barricade, we see where Mikaela got to, and the two of them collide. Sam rips Mikaela off of her scooter, and they both fall to the ground. Mikaela, who did not buckle the clasp on her helmet, asks Sam what his fucking problem is. Then his problem shows up, and they take a very long time to get up so they can run. So long, in fact, that the Camaro has to swing in to save them. After much pleading from Sam, Mikaela gets inside Satan’s Camaro, and the two of them are whisked away to safety. Barricade pursues, and then the butt rock starts.

There’s a lot of screaming and yelling, the Camaro busts through a window and several shelves in an abandoned building, there’s some drifting, and then suddenly it’s nighttime. Barricade somehow got in front of the Camaro, and is circling like a shark. The Camaro locks the two teenagers inside itself, though I suppose they could climb out through the still-open windows if they really wanted to. The Camaro cuts the engine off, then cuts it back on and bolts for the exit, and this somehow tricks Barricade long enough for them to get past.

The Camaro dumps Mikaela and Sam out one of the doors and then transforms into that yellow space robot we saw a bit ago. It’s Bumblebee! Nearly an hour in, and we finally get a proper look at the little bastard. I guess that’s what happens when you spend the first 20-something minutes on being xenophobic and appealing to the focus groups that think it’s fine sexualize high schoolers.

Bumblebee- no, he’s not introduced himself yet, but I just can’t keep calling him “the Camaro” anymore- comes out of his transformation ready to square the fuck up. Barricade throws himself at Bumblebee, they roll around on the ground for a bit, then things start sparking and exploding, because this is a Michael Bay film. Frenzy jumps out and starts chasing down Mikaela and Sam, while Bumblebee and Barricade murder death punch each other. Frenzy manages to grab Sam by the ankles, drag him to the ground, and rip his pants off. Not sure how that happened, considering he’s still got his shoes on.

While Sam’s busy being chased by a sentient pile of safety pins, Mikaela’s taken it upon herself to be proactive about her survival, and is raiding a nearby building for power tools. She sprints out holding an electric jig saw and saves Sam by decapitating Frenzy. If you know anything about Transformers, then you know this doesn’t actually kill Frenzy, but good on her for being a badass. Why couldn’t Mikaela be our main character again? Oh, right, because she’s a ~girl~.

Sam punts Frenzy’s head, like, 50 yards, which seems like something he shouldn’t be able to do, given that he’s a massive weenie, but there you are. With that out of the way, Sam takes Mikaela’s hand and they run off to go watch the giant robot fight. The bottom of Frenzy’s head turns into a spider and he crawls his way over to Mikaela’s purse. He’s gonna steal her gum, the fiend!

Mikaela and Sam have, unfortunately, missed the giant robot fight, which means that we, as the audience, have also missed the giant robot fight. Which is unbelievably stupid, seeing as everyone who has ever watched this movie came for the GIANT GODDAMN ROBOTS.

Mikaela asks just who the hell the yellow robot is, I guess because she’s finally had a second to process what the hell’s going on. Sam claims that he’s a super-advanced robot, “probably from Japan.” Whether or not this is a reference to the Japanese origins of the original toy line isn’t clear, though somehow I think it’s more xenophobia. Sam also makes the claim that if Bumblebee had intended to hurt them, he would have done it by now. This is quite the jump from a few hours ago, when he was calling the poor guy “Satan’s Camaro.”

Sam finally, finally asks Bumblebee what his deal is, and we get our first taste of the Bayverse Bumblebee Gimmick. The Gimmick here is that, due to an injury to his vocal processing, Bumblebee cannot communicate through traditional means, i.e. speech. Because of this, he instead strings together sentences by flicking through the radio frequencies and choosing key words. This can lead to some interesting audio design, like describing his fellow Autobots to “rain down like visitors form heaven, Hallelujah!” because a radio sermon fit what he was trying to say best.

This gimmick is one that has been used in other pieces of Transformers media, at least in part. Bumblebee is unable to speak traditionally in Transformers: Prime, and instead communicates in beeps and clicks that his teammates can understand, but not so much the humans, save for Raf. In Bumblebee (2018), the idea was used whole-cloth, with the injury resulting in his inability to speak happening on-camera within the first 10 minutes of the movie, and the idea of “expressing oneself through music” being introduced by his human companion Charlie Watson.

All in all, I rather like the idea going on here; it’s an interesting part of his character that opens up for a lot of interesting and creative moments.

It’s just too bad it was introduced in fucking Bayverse.

But yeah, anyway, the other Autobots are coming to Earth. Shit’s gonna be lit.

Bumblebee turns back into a Camaro, and Sam uses the power of FOMO to get Mikaela to go in the car with him. We get a shot of Barricade fucking dying on the side of the road. Frenzy murders Mikaela’s phone, and then steals its identity, including the little bejeweled heart stickers. Good thing Mikaela remembered to go get her purse, otherwise he probably would have felt very silly doing that.

Mikaela refuses to sit in the driver’s seat, seeing as she now knows Sam’s car is sentient, and sort of feels weird about this whole thing. Sam suggests that she sit in his lap instead, as the camera angles to give us a peek at the cup of Mikaela’s bra. When asked why the hell she should do such a thing, Sam says it’s a concern about her safety, given that the middle console of the car does not have a seatbelt. Sam either fails to recognize that seatbelts going over two layered bodies won’t save either of them in the event of a crash, or he’s just trying to make an excuse to have a pretty girl in his lap.

Given what movie this is, I’m going to guess it’s the latter.

Mikaela has a similar line of thought, but scoots over anyway, saying that the seatbelt line was a “smooth move”. It wasn’t, but if I picked apart every single bad line Sam had in this film, I’d be here all day.

Mikaela questions Bumblebee’s taste in alt-mode, which offends him to the point of dumping both her and Sam out in the street and driving away. He returns, moments later, as a sleek new Camaro, that I’m sure some car aficionados would call “sexy.”

Bumblebee’s alt-mode is a 2009 Chevrolet Camaro, of which there were none during the time of filming. It was put together for this movie in roughly five weeks. Sam is blown away by the fact that he now owns a car that does not currently exist in his universe. Mikaela is impressed, or at least she would be, if women were allowed to show that emotion in a non-horny way in a Bay film.

Judy doesn’t count.

As Bumblebee breaks into yet another restricted area, we get a shot of the Earth from orbit, as several objects rocket towards the planet. Sam and Mikaela watch the Autobots burn up in the atmosphere, and Mikaela tries to hold Sam’s hand as they do, and it’s at this point that I have to address how much I hate these two’s dynamic.

I don’t give a single solitary shit about this romance, because A) it’s poorly written, B) Mikaela could do infinitely better than Sam, C) I dislike Sam so very much, D) Mikaela, who is a way more interesting character, got placed on friggin’ love interest duty because ~girl~, and E) it’s useless padding to try and make me care about what’s happening here, and I just DON’T. I do NOT care about whether these two get together or not.

We see the Autobots crash-land, three out of four of them causing massive amounts of property damage and possibly killing at least one person. Their stasis pods crack open, and they each climb out, completely naked and in desperate need of clothing to hide their shame. With a quick scan of nearby vehicles, they’re once again decent to be seen in public.

Bumblebee drives the kids out to what I can only assume is the warehouse district he sent that beacon out in, as our collection of good guys finally come together at long last. A massive Peterbilt semi-truck stops directly in front of Mikaela and Sam.

We’re over an hour into this film, and we’re just now getting to the quintessential Transformer, Optimus Prime himself.

In the original cartoon, Optimus’s alt-mode was what’s known as a cabover truck, one where the cab- where the driver sits- is seated directly over the engine. These were popular during the days when maximum truck-lengths were much shorter than they are currently. This is why when you look at height charts for Optimus over various continuities, his G1 cartoon counterpart much shorter than his other iterations.

Modern trucks are longer, and don’t need the cab to sit on top of the engine to save on space. The designers chose to use a Peterbilt to make sure that Optimus would have an imposing stature when compared to his fellow Autobots.

Because heaven forbid we not have heightism come into play in this film.

Our Autobots transform, and say what you will about these bastards being visually incomprehensible, the transformations themselves are cool as hell. My personal favorite is Jazz’s, where he does a cool windmill into his root mode.

Optimus crouches like he’s looking at a cool bug on the sidewalk and addresses Sam by name. He doesn’t even acknowledge Mikaela, which I find to be a bit rude, but whatever. He then introduces himself as the leader of the Autobots.

Peter Cullen is back as the voice for Optimus Prime, sounding wonderful as always. He almost wasn’t brought on for this project, because Michael Bay didn’t want him. If the fans hadn’t thrown a hissyfit, who knows who we would have gotten to be our space dad for the next hour and a half?

This is actually an issue that’s recurred several times in the last few years, and not just with Cullen; Frank Welker, the voice of Megatron, as well as many other Transformers, has been refused roles within Transformers properties. In general, this is because both Cullen and Welker are union actors, and Hasbro would prefer to hire sound-alikes than pay more money for the originals. This isn’t to shame the non-union actors, goodness no, just to merely point out less-than-fantastic business practices.

I realize there have been a lot of tangents, but you have to understand that I am suffering as I do this.

Optimus then introduces his team- there’s Jazz, whose first line is “What’s crackin’ little bitches?”, Ironhide, who incorrectly quotes Dirty Harry, and Ratchet, who calls out just how obnoxiously horny Sam’s character is. We also finally get Bumblebee’s name.

Mikaela asks the very good question of why the fuck the Autobots are here on Earth. Optimus explains that the AllSpark is here, and they’ve got to get to it before Megatron does. He then goes on to explain who Megatron is, stating that he “betrayed” the Cybertronian empire.

No, how exactly he did that isn’t addressed. We’ll just have to take Optimus’s word, I suppose.

If you’ve sussed out by this point the the AllSpark and the Cube™ are the same thing, congrats! You win. Megatron followed the AllSpark to Earth, where he promptly was neutralized by the cold of the Arctic circle. This was 110 years prior to the events of this film, and where Archibald Witwicky came in to the story.

When the expedition was happening, Archibald fell through the ice during a collapse, and ended up finding Megatron’s frozen body in an ice cave. He went poking around on this strange metal giant, and ended up activating Megatron’s navigation systems, which imprinted the coordinates of the AllSpark onto Archibald’s glasses.

Don’t ask how that works, it just does.

So, the Autobots need the glasses, so they can find the AllSpark before the Decepticons do, so those guys don’t use it to build an army out of Earth’s machines, which will destroy humanity.

Sounds simple enough, let’s go get that vision correction device!

Back with the military dudes, everyone’s taking a gander at the tail that Scorponok left behind. They theorize that the metal that makes up these giant murder-robots reacts to extreme heat, but elaboration on that point will have to wait, because the tail has begun to flail. They quickly strap it down, then call the military to let them know to strap anti-tank guns onto anything that’s going to be approaching any giant robots.

Meanwhile, in an interrogation room, Maddie and Glen have been left to sweat a bit. Glen takes to stress-eating, while framing it as a psychological tactic to subconsciously prove his innocence to the FBI.

This is a fat joke, with the added nasty layer of Glen being a black man about to be interrogated by one of the most intimidating white cops I’ve seen in a hot minute.

Glen immediately folds, pinning all the blame on Maddie, and claiming that he’s been a perfect angel his whole life. We get some weird purity culture out of him, before Maddie lets the FBI know that she needs to talk to the Secretary of Defense, NOW.

Over at the Witwicky household, Sam’s parents are watching the news, trying to find out what all those loud crashes were about. Optimus Prime drives down their residential street, the rest of the gang in tow, then they all park to wait for Sam to go get the glasses.

For about 20 seconds.

Sam has to physically hold the door shut to prevent his father from coming out and seeing several very tall robots from outer space tip-toeing around his freshly-landscaped yard, I guess because they got antsy. Optimus plods around on the grass and breaks a fountain, and our benevolent god Mojo comes out of the house, assuredly to smite the leader of the Autobots.

Mikaela runs onto the scene, and Sam chastises her for not controlling the robots who didn’t even acknowledge her existence, outside of pointing out Sam was sexually attracted to her.

Mojo pees on Ironhide’s foot, which prompts Ironhide to threaten to shoot the creature. This is why Ironhide isn’t getting into heaven. Sam, one of Mojo’s chosen few, claims that the mortal shell of his god is seen as a beloved pet by many humans. Sam runs into the house, before Mojo can incur his divine wrath on the Autobots.

While Sam goes to get the glasses, the Autobots decide to do a little peeping on the house, watching his parents watch TV. Sam tears his room apart trying to find the glasses, and Optimus thinks that it would be helpful if he brought Mikaela up to help look. It’s at this point that I realize that Sam has an utterly bizarre fish tank.

I mean, legitimately, what the fuck is this? No filter, no plants, might not even have any rocks on the bottom. Is this a comically oversized bong Sam threw a couple fish into? What the fuck.

Mikaela starts looking for the glasses, running into what is likely a box of porn mags, then they both look out the window to find that the Autobots have decided to hide in plain sight by transforming... in the middle of Sam’s backyard. Amazing work, gentlemen.

Sam finally convinces the Autobots to go sit in the alley and wait, only for Ratchet to run into a power line and trip into a greenhouse. The resulting impact is interpreted as an earthquake. Judy does not have the reaction one might expect from someone who’s lived in California for at least ten years.

Ratchet’s fine, by the way.

The power cuts out, and Ron goes up to check on his son, because he’s at least a halfway-decent father. Ratchet’s shining a light to aid in the search for the glasses. Sam’s parents notice this bright light, and bang on Sam’s door to see what’s up.

Sam quickly hides Mikaela and then attempts to salvage the situation, answering the door and trying to control the narrative. Unfortunately, Ron is far too inquisitive for Sam to do this, and then Judy asks if Sam was masturbating.

Judy, is privacy just not a thing to you? Because if not, it really ought to be.

She keeps going with it too, trying to come up with code words, until another one of the Autobots trips and causes Ron to panic again, climbing into Sam’s ancient claw-foot bathtub to protect himself. He looks out the window to check on his beloved yard, lamenting that the earthquake tore it up.

Ironhide is strongly considering killing Sam’s parents. Optimus tells him that they don’t harm humans, and also begins to wonder if he made a mistake bringing this guy along.

Back in Sam’s room, it’s becoming increasingly obvious that Sam is an absolutely terrible liar, and Mikaela reveals herself, if only to prevent Judy from trying to talk about self-pleasure again. Of course, now she gets to be subjected to both of Sam’s parents objectifying her, so this might be a lose-lose situation.

Sam is reminded that his backpack is in the kitchen, just in time for the government to show up at his house. Mikaela makes a comment about Judy being nice. I suppose on a surface level, yes, being told that you’re gorgeous by someone’s mom is nice. I do have to question the context that compliment took place in, however.

Sam’s about to hand the glasses over to the Autobots, when someone rings the doorbell. It’s Sector Seven, and they’re here to talk to Sam about his stolen car being part of an issue involving national security. Ron and Judy are more concerned about their yard being torn up, Judy yelling that they “need to get their hands off [her] bush.”

We still have another hour of this movie.

The agent leading this mission asks Sam to come with him for questioning, which his parents are very much against. Mojo also voices his displeasure, but it would seem that Agent Simmons is not a follower of the Tenets of Mojo. Sam gets geigered, and his readings are high enough for Sector Seven to take him and everyone in this house into custody.

As Sam and Mikaela are riding in the back of the car, Simmons brings up Sam’s Ebay account, and also the phone video he took of Bumblebee earlier in the week. Mikaela is rather unimpressed with Sam at the moment, probably because he’s gotten her arrested. She still tries to help him out though, because she really is just the nicest fucking person on the planet.

Alas, the combined efforts of these two teenagers isn’t enough to fool the long arm of the law, especially when it’s a branch of said law that deals with extraterrestrial activity. Simmons threatens to lock up these literal children for life if they don’t start talking. Mikaela isn’t taking the bait, so he goes after her father’s parole hearing instead.

Yep! As it turns out, Mikaela and her father stole cars to get by, and she’s got the record to back that claim up. Simmons calls her a criminal, then says that criminals are hot. Mikaela looks like she’s about to cry, and I don’t blame her in the slightest.

Optimus, I suppose because his dad senses were tingling, takes the opportunity to place his leg in the road for the car to run into, then grabs said car like an unruly cat and lifts it until the roof rips off due to stress. The agents in the other cars pile out and point their guns at the giant space robot. The rest of the Autobots quickly relieve them of their weapons.

Optimus notes that Simmons doesn’t seem surprised that a bunch of giant robots just took all his guys’ guns, and demands that he exit the vehicle, posthaste. Simmons obliges, after a bit more prodding. Mikaela undoes Sam’s handcuffs, and he gets fucking pissy about it, as if this girl he’s had a grand total of three (awkward) conversations with should have told him something as personal as “hey, so my dad’s in jail and I’ve been to juvenile detention.”

Luckily, she doesn’t let him get away with it, calling him out as the spoiled, self-centered, privileged little shithead that he is.

Of course, we don’t get any sort of real acknowledgement from Sam, having to move on with the plot. Perhaps, if we hadn’t spent the last hour and 20 minutes faffing about on drivel, we could have had Sam get an actual moment of self-reflection, and potentially even character growth. However, this is Bayverse, and everyone knows that personal accountability is for fucking sissies.

Mikaela and Sam ask several questions, but get no answers from Agent Simmons. And then Bumblebee pees on him.

I hate that I had to write that. I hate it very much.

Anyway, I don’t know why that had to happen, but it did, and I’m nothing if not thorough.

Optimus tells Bumblebee to cut it out, and with that the Sector Seven agents are cuffs and left on the side of the road. Mikaela orders Simmons to strip, as punishment for threatening her father, then cuffs him to a street lamp.

...Yes, that does sound like a bizarre sexual fantasy, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately for our teen heroes, they forgot to confiscate everyone’s phones, and Sector Seven knows what’s up, thanks to the power of speakerphone. More cars and a couple of helicopters show up basically immediately, and the Autobots decide it’s time to dip.

But not before Ironhide fires off a pulsewave into the ground that causes a five-car pileup.

Optimus, I suppose because he knows he chose a ridiculously flashy alt-mode that is in no way practical, just picks the kids up in and places them on his shoulder like a couple of parakeets, then takes up a leisurely jog to get away from the eyes in the sky. He runs through the city, racking up what is likely millions in property damage, as the helicopters pursue. He passes by a “Legalize LA” billboard, which feels odd to see, given what movie this is.

The ‘copters somehow manage to lose Optimus, despite him being relatively slow, and having a notable radiation level that they’ve been using to track him. He hides inside the scaffolding of a bridge, only for Mikaela and Sam to slip off of his polished body to their deaths, thus ending the film.

No, they don’t die. I just told another fib. I’m sorry.

Bumblebee snatches them up just before they hit the ground, the impact of his metal body catching them at 75 mph, killing them instantly and ending the film.

Nope, that doesn’t happen either.

Mikaela and Sam are fine, some-fucking-how, but Sam’s dropped the MacGuffin glasses. The helicopters swing back around, having noticed the sound of a car crashing into the ground and the screams of two whole adolescents. They break out a fucking harpoon gun and fire on our kid appeal character.

Repeatedly.

They wrap up Bumblebee in a series of cables, as he screams like a moose. Mikaela and Sam are held at gunpoint by what is honestly far too many dudes, and are then arrested for the second time in ten minutes. Bumblebee is smoked... because he’s a bee? Sam, not liking this one bit, finds the strength in his weenie body to push a cop off of himself, run at one of the dudes with the smoke guns, throw him to the ground, and then start smoking him. He’s immediately tackled, but points for trying.

Sam and Mikaela are placed back into custody, and the rest of the Autobots regroup with Optimus to see what the plan is. Optimus says that they can’t save Bumblebee without hurting humans, so I guess Bumblebee is just a POW now. Well, at least they got the glasses. That’s cool.

Back at the Pentagon, things are getting dicey, as the other world powers are starting to suspect that something’s up. The Secretary of Defense is approached by a man with a mustache and a briefcase. He’s from Sector Seven, but the Secretary gives not a fuck about mysterious organizations. All the computers in the room suddenly go down, the virus from earlier working its magic- only this time, the blackout is global.

Mr. Mustache opens his briefcase, while explaining that Sector Seven is something known as a “special access” sector of the government, which is why nobody’s ever heard of it; it’s beyond top secret. Commissioned by President Herbert Hoover 80 years prior, it deals with alien life.

When the Beagle 2 spacecraft was lost on the way to Mars in 2003, the mission was declared a failure. This was a lie. The Beagle 2 recorded several seconds of Mars before being crushed to death by a Transformer. This tidbit is pretty funny, given that the Beagle 2 was rediscovered on Mars in 2014, seven years after this film released. Not a terribly mysterious death anymore, is it?

Comparing the footage from Mars to the footage from Qatar has Sector Seven thinking that these are the same species. Which they are. God, it’d be so fucked up if there were two species of giant robots in this film.

Mr. Mustache theorizes that because the Transformers now know that they can be harmed by human weaponry, they’re being proactive about their safety and shutting down all forms of communication technology with that virus that keeps popping up. It’s only a matter of time before the shit hits the fan for humanity.

Mr. Secretary tells his guys to try going analog with comms, breaking out the short-wave radios, to tell their ships to return home.

Over at an Air Force base, Lennox and the gang have landed, only to be scooped up by a bunch of dudes in suits.

Back with Maddie and Glen, the two of them have fallen asleep in the interrogation room, Maddie still wearing her friggin’ four inch pumps as her legs are propped up on the table, crossed in a way that seems rather uncomfortable. Glen gets to sleep like a normal human being, with his head resting on his forearms. Why this place doesn’t have a holding cell for these situations is beyond me.

Mr. Secretary comes in to bring Maddie on as his advisor. Glen can come too, I guess, considering he’s the one who actually figured out the sound file virus.

We get a little military glorification, and then it’s revealed that Mikaela and Sam, as well as Maddie and Glen, are aboard this helicopter. Their paths cross at last. Our heroes are transported to the Hoover Dam, where Bumblebee is also. They are still smoking him.

Meanwhile, the Autobots are figuring out where to go, with the power of Archibald’s glasses. Ratchet, who I guess is omnipotent, senses that the Decepticons have also figured out the location, and that this is going to be a race against the clock. And I mean, he’s right, but the phrasing is a bit odd.

Jazz wants to know when they’re going to save Bumblebee. Optimus says that they aren’t, and that Bumblebee’s sacrifice is noble, and that he would want the Autobots to leave him and complete the mission. As this is said, we get another shot of Bumblebee getting smoked and trapped in a lab. Yep, this is totally what he would want. He absolutely signed up for this, giving himself up to the government and not at all fighting like mad to not be captured.

I don’t think Bayverse Optimus actually knows what martyrdom is, which is bizarre, given that it’s a major trait in a lot of other iterations of the character.

Ironhide isn’t even sure why they’re bothering to save humanity, given that humans are violent and awful, his point being hammered home as Bumblebee is tortured for scientific reasons. Ironhide seems to have forgotten that Cybertron has been at war for literally millions of years. Optimus has faith in humanity, however, stating that we’re “young”.

And then he says that he’s going to end his own race, by destroying the Cube™, which is how they reproduce, because that’s the only way to end the war.

Which is arguably one of the most hardcore fictional applications of eugenics ever conceived.

Being advocated for by Optimus Goddamn Prime.

We still have another 50 minutes of this movie.

Optimus then proves that he does, in fact, know what self-sacrifice is, stating that, if all else fails, he’ll shove the AllSpark into his spark, which will destroy them both. He’s pretty chill about it, too.

Up on top of the Hoover Dam, Frenzy has fallen out of Mikaela’s bag.

Mr. Secretary is also at the Hoover Dam now, as is Lennox’s team. Oh, and Agent Simmons, who is thankfully wearing pants. He offers to buy Sam a coffee, as repartitions for threatening his family, arresting him, and being a complete creep to a teenage girl. Sam gives not a fuck about caramel macchiatos with extra foam and chocolate drizzle, however. He only cares about his car.

Mr. Mustache, who is also here, needs Sam to spill the beans on all these friggin’ giant robots that are running around. This is where Sam realizes he has the upper hand for once, and he starts making demands. One such demand is having Mikaela’s record scrubbed clean, which is an actually very nice thing for him to have done for her. We’ll see if his intent comes to fruition. For now, it’s time to talk about Bumblebee.

We get a shot of all these folks heading into the secret base hidden inside the Hoover Dam, and it’s at this point that I notice that Maddie’s shirt is basically see-through.

Inside the Dam, we see that Sector Seven′s been keeping Megatron this entire time, keeping him neutralized with cryo-stasis since 1935. Cryopreservation was invented in the 50′s. This isn’t a nitpick, I just thought it was a neat little fact.

Megatron being on Earth has resulted in most modern technology. This sort of plot point always bothers me, because it takes away agency from the entire human race. We didn’t use our own ingenuity and work ethic to advance society, we plagiarized from a more advanced species. I dunno, it just rubs me the wrong way.

We get the part of the movie where info is hashed out, so that everyone is on the same page, Sam spouting off Autobot propaganda. We can forgive him for this,considering he’s 16, and no one is immune to propaganda, especially when they have zero way of doing their own research to form their own opinion with.

Sector Seven also has the AllSpark, kept in the room next to Megatron’s, like the chumps they will soon find themselves to be. It’s about ten stories tall and the reason the Hoover Dam exists. With so much concrete suppressing its alien energies, surely no one will ever find it!

Except for Frenzy, who came in through a mouse hole. Whoopsie-doodle!

The AllSpark zaps the nasty little man, restoring his body with its weird MacGuffin powers. Frenzy tells all his coworkers that he found what they were looking for, and everyone starts heading over.

Maddie asks Mr. Mustache what exactly he means by “energies”, perhaps worried that this whole thing has been some elaborate ploy to get her to invest in magic healing stones. Mr. Mustache brings everyone into a testing chamber, since the best way to explain how the AllSpark works is through a demonstration.

There’s a big fish tank in the middle of this testing chamber, in which Agent Simmons places a donated device from the crowd- Glen’s Nokia phone, specifically. Simmons makes a geologically-confused comment. When this is pointed out by Maddie, Mr. Secretary hushes her, simply saying that Simmons is a strange man. The tank is locked down, and then the show starts.

Cube™ energies are shot into the tank, and the phone explodes into life, transforming into a gorilla-shaped gremlin creature. Happy birthday, little dude!

Little dude starts shooting at the tank walls, cracking the glass until Simmons pulls the trigger and ends it. Happy deathday, little dude!

The Decepticons are making tracks towards the Hoover Dam, but Starscream- yeah, he’s in this now, don’t worry about it- arrives first, because he is a very fast jet. He transforms, showing off his ridiculous Dorito body, and fires on the base’s generators. The resulting explosions can be heard all the way down in the testing chamber, and Mr. Mustache calls upstairs to see what’s up. Looks like Megatron may be getting warmed up, seeing as his ice bath has been cut off. Lennox asks if there’s an arms room in Sector Seven, which sort of feels like asking a bakery if they have any flour.

Frenzy has entered the room that houses the controls for the cryo-stasis and set that whole system to “no, thank you”.

Mr. Mustache runs through the base, screaming for everyone to get to the Megatron chamber. Off in the distance, the Autobots approach. Could probably used some fliers on your team, huh Optimus?

Back with Frenzy, he’s decided to just straight-up raise Megatron’s core temperature directly. Hope he doesn’t do it too fast; rewarming hypothermia victims recklessly can do some serious damage.

Outside of the base, Lennox and the boys are loading up with weaponry, along with what’s the entirety of Sector Seven′s cannon-fodder department. Oh, and all the main cast. Yep, just got a couple of teenagers chillin’ in the munitions room.

Sam wants Simmons to take him to his car- he hasn’t used Bumblebee’s name in a hot minute, not sure what’s up with that- even though Simmons is currently busy loading a very large gun. Simmons doesn’t want to do that, because he’s got no idea if what Sam mentioned earlier is even true, and he doesn’t want to pin the fate of humanity on a single Camaro. Lennox takes this opportunity to tackle Simmons, despite likely not knowing that Bumblebee is one of the “good guys”. A Sector Seven guy very much doesn’t like that, and points a gun at Lennox, which prompts all of his guys to also start threatening folks with guns.

Mr. Mustache walks in on the scene, but doesn’t do anything, since he isn’t armed and knows better than to tangle with someone who’s packing. Simmons tries to intimidate Lennox, because he must have missed the day of boot camp where they tell you that guns kill people. Lennox is fully committed to shooting this dude in the lungs before Mr. Secretary suggests he give the people what they want, before things get ugly.

Simmons takes everyone to the robot torture department of Sector Seven, where they are still smoking Bumblebee. Geez, you’d think they’d have something in place for if they ever came across another giant robot after Megatron, but I guess not. The gang gets everyone to stop smoking Bumblebee, which allows him to stop moose-screaming and strongly consider murdering everyone involved with his forced captivity. Unfortunately, revenge with have to wait, as we’ve still got to deal with the AllSpark, and the fact that the Decepticons are here.

They take Bumblebee to the AllSpark, where he makes direct contact the thing, causing the AllSpark to transform, compacting itself down into a far more reasonable size that Bumblebee can carry in one hand. It doesn’t seem to weigh more than a grown adult, if his body language is saying anything. I’d make a joke about the conservation of mass being ignored, but since this is Transformers, I can’t really say much. Conservation of mass doesn’t exist for this franchise.

Bumblebee would really like to get this show on the road, and Lennox agrees, quickly formulating a plan to get away from Megatron and taking the AllSpark to Mission City, which is relatively close to their current location, so that they can hide it there.

Lennox, I know this plan is a first draft, and we don’t have a ton of time for revisions, but the whole point of building a whole-ass dam around the Cube™ was because it was very difficult to hide, given its magical MacGuffin powers. Regardless of this flaw, Mr. Secretary agrees. Lennox also asks that the Air Force be involved in this, I guess because the U.S. military wanted more screentime.

Of course, that whole “global blackout” thing is still going on, so we’re going to have to get creative with how we’re going to contact the Air Force. Mr. Secretary and Simmons make a break for the WWII-era radio Sector Seven has, while Lennox and the boys head out to shoot things, and Mikaela and Sam hop into Bumblebee with the Cube™.

This is about the point that Megatron wakes up. The first thing he does is introduce himself, which I thought was very polite of him. Then he breaks out his flail and starts bashing shit around. Not so polite, that.

Over with Bumblebee, we’re shown that the AllSpark, all-powerful object that can create life and is the whole reason this conflict is even happening, is just chillin’ in the back seat by itself. It’s not even buckled up.

Megatron escapes the base, and it’s actually super easy. He just transforms, goes through the tunnel, and he’s free. I feel like we could have at least attempted some security measures for in case the cryo-stasis failed, given that we’ve had this dude in containment for the last 70-something years, but okay.

Starscream comes over to say hi to his boss, not that Megatron gives a shit. He just wants to know where that fucking Cube™ is. When Starscream tells him that the humans have it, Megatron makes a comment about how Starscream has failed him yet again. This is their first interaction in this movie, and Starscream’s been in the story for a grand total of five minutes at this point. I know that this is a reference to their dynamic in just about every installment of the franchise up to this point, but it doesn’t feel earned in the slightest. Even if it’s going to be expanded upon in future sequels, this is a shit-tier way to set their (awful) relationship up.

Not that anyone should ever bank on getting a sequel anyway, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Megatron tells Starscream to retrieve the AllSpark, and then we cut over to the radio plotline. The radio, which is so cobweb-covered I feel like Sector Seven needs to have a serious discussion with their custodial staff, has its nobs and buttons fiddled with by Simmons until it crackles to life. But where are the microphones? Everyone starts looking for the mics, as Simmons pushes Glen into the seat, I guess because hacking modern computers and using Depression-era radio tech are similar enough.

Maddie asks Glen if he can hotwire a 90′s-era computer to transmit a tone through the radio, so that they can send a Morse code message to the Air Force. Which sounds ridiculous to me, but I don’t know enough about radios or computers to know if that sort of thing would be possible. Maybe it’s fine. Or maybe it’s Hollywood bullshit. Who knows?

Back over with Bumblebee, we get a bunch of car commercial shots, of both him and the other Autobots. Aww, the gang’s back together again! Nobody tell Bumblebee that Optimus was completely cool with leaving him to his fate.

Optimus and the gang whip around to join the convoy, and everyone makes their way towards Mission City.

Back at the radio subplot, someone’s bangin’ on the door, trying to get in. The others try to block the intruder, while Glen does his hacking stuff. Mr. Secretary breaks a case and pulls out a gun that’s about as old as he is.

Glen gets the computer working, and Mr. Secretary gives him the Super Secret Military Codewords™ to use to talk to the Air Force. While he does that, Simmons finds a flamethrower and starts burning Frenzy as he attempts to enter the room. The Air Force receives the message for an air strike. Oh, goody.

Over with the convoy, it appears that the Autobots and Lennox’s boys are being pursued by the Decepticons. It’s difficult to tell, seeing as the cameras have gone full Bay-mode, but I’m guessing that’s what’s up. One of the Decepticons flips over a minivan, likely killing a family of five. another causes a multi-car pileup.

Bonecrusher transforms, then Optimus transforms. Bonecrusher iceskates across the highway, slamming into a bus so hard it just straight-up explodes. He is on fire. He tackles Optimus, and they proceed to fall off the side of the raised highway they’re on. Then they beat the shit out of each other, until Optimus decapitates Bonecrusher with his arm-sword.

Yeah, space dad is a little intense in the Bayverse.

Back at Sector Seven, Frenzy’s decided to leave the door alone, and instead is crawling through the ventilation shaft. Mr. Secretary and Simmons fire off shots into the duct above them, as if bullets would do anything against this nasty little pile of needles.

Frenzy bursts through the bottom of the duct and crash-lands into a glass case, taking cover behind a pillar and fires on the humans on the other side of the room. While this shootout is happening, Glen receives a response from the Air Force, just in time for Frenzy to accidentally decapitate himself with one of his own spinning blades of death. This time, he does not survive losing his head.

The Air Force will be sending fighter planes to Mission City, and to establish this, we get several shots of what some might call “military porn.”

Over in the city, the convoy has arrived. Lennox hands several short-wave radios over to Epps, telling him to use them to direct the Air Force when they arrive, so they can take the AllSpark... somewhere, I guess. Above, an F-22 zooms across the sky. It is not one of the Air Force’s F-22s.

Ironhide recognizes Starscream, and gets ready to throw down. Bumblebee grabs a nearby Furby truck and hoists it up to use as a shield. This marginally works, as the missile that hits the truck doesn’t immediately kill him, though it probably did all those Furbies inside.

The resulting explosion throws all the humans around, Mikaela getting weird heaven lighting as she lies unconscious on the pavement. Sam gets it too, though, so I suppose I can’t complain too much about this particular shot. They touch hands. I really wish that I could take this moment of vulnerability as being anything other than an attempt to set up a romance between these two teens who have known each other for maybe half a week. This movie has so starved me of genuine human interaction I'm jumping at the smallest of scraps.

Bumblebee actually didn’t get out of that missile-strike unscathed, his legs having been blown off. All those Furbies died for nothing. Tragic. Sam asks Bumblebee if he’s alright, and immediately tells him to get up. Sam then remembers that Bumblebee’s legs are off, so he yells for Ratchet.

Over with Lennox and Epps, they’ve realized that the plane they saw wasn’t one of theirs. Which, you know, has already been established, but points for getting caught up, fellas. Sam is crying and still telling Bumblebee to get up. Bumblebee is dragging himself across the pavement and whimpering. It’s awful. Where the fuck is Ratchet? This is basically the only reason he’s in this film, and he’s nowhere to be found.

The actual Air Force calls on the radio, asking for their location. Brawl, who is a tank, starts firing on Lennox’s gang. Jazz and Ratchet race through the city streets. How they were separated from the rest of the team is anyone’s guess.

Sam takes a little sit on the pavement to be with Bumblebee, while Mikaela decides to problem-solve and heads for a nearby tow truck. Bumblebee hands Sam the Cube™ because, as the designated protagonist, it’s his job to handle it in the climax of the film.

Ironhide is shot at several times by Brawl, narrowly avoiding being hit each time. This, of course, means that the people he drives by in this shot are almost assuredly dead, since they’re right next to the explosions. He transforms and does a flip, as the film goes slow-mo on a shot of a woman in a low-cut dress watching him flip. She screams. Ironhide screams. I scream, though probably for a different reason.

Jazz jumps on Brawl, managing to kick off a couple pieces of kibble before Brawl grabs him and throws him into the side of a building. Ironhide, Optimus, and Ratchet descend on Brawl, and so does Lennox’s team, Brawl losing a hand and getting thrown into his own building as a result.

Mikaela breaks into the tow truck and starts to hotwire that shit. Wow, a relevant back story that culminates in her being able to save the day, thus completing her arc and staying on-theme for her character. Why isn’t Mikaela the protagonist again?

Oh, right, because ~girl~.

Megatron lands in a nearby alleyway, and Ratchet, knowing this dude is bad news, tells everyone to head for the hills. Jazz isn’t fast enough, however, and gets shot for his troubles.

Mikaela drives the truck over to Sam, who is still sitting there with the Cube™, and tells him to get his ass in gear.

Jazz gets taken to the top of a nearby building and is ripped in two by Megatron, who acts like a bird of prey the whole sequence. Down on the ground, Brawl is starting to get back up from his smackdown. Blackout appears on a nearby skyscraper. Things are looking grim for humanity.

Mikaela and Sam hook Bumblebee up to the tow line as Lennox approaches them. Sam has left the AllSpark out of his line of sight, like a fool. Despite seeing this, Lennox still gives him the flare to let the military know where to pick up the AllSpark. Doesn’t even acknowledge Mikaela. He tells Sam to head for the white building with statues on top of it and set the flare on top of the roof. Lennox can’t leave his men, because he’s the head of his operation. Why he can’t send literally anyone else who isn’t a 16 year-old boy isn’t made clear.

Sam really doesn’t want to do this, probably because he’s a child, but Lennox has recruited him to the military against his will, so he must. Lennox then attempts to make Mikaela leave for her own good, but she tells him to fuck off, because she’s gonna save Bumblebee. Clearly, this is a win for feminism.

Epps radios the choppers coming from the Air Force to let them know they’ll be picking up a package from a teenager, thus locking Sam into the job. Ironhide and Ratchet vow to protect Sam from the Decepticons on his way to the pickup point. Not one single person has pointed out how fucked up this is.

Sam starts to run off, when Mikaela stops him to let him know that she’s glad she got in the car with him roughly an hour ago. They don’t kiss goodbye, which, honestly? Good. This fucking movie hasn’t earned that. Sam for sure hasn’t earned that, even if he did clear her juvie record. No word on that having actually been done, by the way. Sam never got confirmation, and I feel like he’s not really the type to follow up on things.

Brawl fires off some shots and makes things explode. Ratchet and Ironhide provide cover fire as Sam sprints down the road. Yep, they’re making this idiot WALK to the pickup point. Sure hope the elevators are working today, otherwise this is going to take forever.

Sam carries the AllSpark like a football, and in a better movie, this would have been foreshadowed by Sam having actually been a football player prior to the events of the film, perhaps removed from the team for some character flaw he’s since grown from/accepted. However, this is Bayverse, and well, men don’t have to justify their existence in the story with things like themes and having even an ounce of thought put into their character.

Back with Mikaela, Lennox has refused to learn her name, calling her “girl” as he screams at her to get Bumblebee hooked up to the tow truck. Which she was already doing when he got here. Lennox, dude, you’ve got a daughter now, you’re super extra not allowed to treat women like this.

Optimus Prime pulls through an alleyway and crashes into a pile of garbage. I can forgive him being late, seeing as he is a big rig, and probably had to take the long way into town so he didn’t get stuck in too-low tunnels. Don’t worry about how we briefly saw him during the Brawl take-down. This is his for real entrance into the climax.

He whips around and transforms, ready to throw the fuck down. Megatron spots him from his perch and descends.

Y’know.

Like a vast, predatory bird.

Megatron shoots at Optimus in his alt-mode, and Optimus catches him like a frisbee. Unfortunately for Optimus, it would appear that the horsepower on a Cybertronian flightcraft is hella intense, and he’s carried away. The two of them crash through an office building, then roll around in the streets punching each other in the face, debating the worth of humanity as they do so. Wish I actually gave a shit about either of these people, but alas! The film spent most of its runtime objectifying women and insulting minorities. I know nothing about Optimus, and even less about Megatron.

Megatron transforms his arms into a laser gun, and Optimus does the same. They shoot at each other. Optimus gets thrown into a building, then lands on the sidewalk below, definitely crushing a dude underneath him, but I guess we didn’t check that the shot was clear for where the CGI was gonna go, so he’s fine.

Sam’s still running through the streets, while Blackout murders, like, so many people behind him. Starscream lands in front of Sam, running into roughly 30 cars as he skids to a halt. Ratchet and Ironhide fire on him, as Sam takes a breather behind a car. Starscream transforms and blasts off. He was here for about 15 seconds. Sam begins running again.

Megatron is now following Sam, because he wants that Cube™. Sam is hit by a car- not an evil one, just a regular car- and trips. The impact makes the AllSpark activate, which grants several machines in the vicinity the gift of life, including the car full of bitchy women that just hit Sam, who are upset that hitting a human being might have scratched the paint.

I get it, you hate women, can we PLEASE stop beating this dead horse?

Sam finally gets to the pickup building, which turns out to be abandoned and fenced off. Good thing the gate was open, otherwise things could get really complicated. He heads inside, Megatron crashing through a floor-to-ceiling window shortly behind him. Megatron makes the claim that he can smell where Sam is. I’m going to choose to believe that he isn’t lying here, since Ratchet did something similar earlier.

Sam finds the stairs, and Megatron calls him a slur.

He doesn’t, really, but the voice modulation certainly makes it sound that way.

While this is happening, Mikaela is driving the tow truck down an alley, dragging Bumblebee behind her with the tow cable. She stops for a moment to have a short breakdown, seeing as she is a teenager in what is currently a warzone.

Sam is still running up the stairs. Outside, the military shoots at one of the Decepticons. It is, of course, doing absolutely nothing to the giant metal space robot. Mikaela concludes her moment, looking back at Bumblebee, who gives her the okay to keep going with dragging his ass across the pavement. She whips the truck around and tells Bumblebee “I’ll drive, you shoot.”

Mikaela then proceeds to speed down a main road of this sizable city backwards, running into cars and more or less shoving Bumblebee along to his destination.

The military has finally realized that their efforts have been pointless, but it’s okay because Bumblebee is here with his superior firepower. Bumblebee proceeds to shoot Brawl in the chest, which kills him. After this, he tries to act cute, lifting up his battle mask in a very “did I do that?” way, as if he’s not the same guy who ripped Barricade apart earlier.

Sam, meanwhile, has finally reached the top of this dilapidated building. Helicopters are approaching his location, but will they make it to him before Megatron does? Honestly, I’d be more worried about Starscream on the building just due East.

Sam is just about to hand the AllSpark over, when Starscream fires at the ‘copter, causing it to crash and nearly chop Sam to pieces. Optimus Prime runs towards the scene, on a roof that I refuse to believe could actually support him. Megatron punches thought the roof from the bottom and asks Sam some philosophical questions. Sam can’t answer, given that he’s hiding on the edge of this building, his flimsy grip on one of the angel statues being the only thing keeping him from falling.

Megatron tells him to give him the AllSpark, and in exchange he might not kill him immediately. Sam tells him to fuck off, and Megatron flails the chunk of building he was hanging on to, causing Sam to fall to his death, thus ending the film.

I’m lying to you. Michael Bay is making me into a liar.

No, Sam is, instead, caught by Optimus, very likely breaking several ribs on impact. This is the point where I realize that they’ve given Optimus fingernails. Sam clings to him like a baby koala, as Optimus parkours down the sides of two buildings, Megatron in pursuit. Megatron actually lands on Optimus 2/3rds of the way down, causing the both of them to fall onto the pavement below. How Sam survives this is a mystery.

Megatron recovers from the fall first, flicking a human away from him for having the audacity to exist in his space. The flicked person hits a car, and is almost assuredly dead. At least, I sure hope so, given that this is the director cameo by the Bayman himself.

Feminist icon Megatron?

Feminist icon Megatron.

Optimus comments on the fact that Sam almost fucking died to get the AllSpark out of dodge, and we get the return of “No Sacrifice, No Victory”. Which, I mean, I guess he’s allowed to say that, since he’s actually had to do something that warranted it. His dad doesn’t get to, though.

Optimus then tells this teenage boy, who has already had a hell of a day, to kill him by shoving the AllSpark into his robot-soul-heart, should he be unable to defeat Megatron.

I dunno, I just feel like it’s a bit of an ask.

Sam climbs off of Optimus so the Prime and Megatron can rumble. He runs through the ruined infrastructure of the city, so he’s less likely to be crushed. Optimus tells Megatron to square the fuck up, stating that “one shall stand, one shall fall.”

Then he gets ragdolled around a bunch, so maybe he should have saved the talk for later in the game.

The military is running around some more, stopping in an alley to see Blackout transform to root mode. Yes, the goo-goo eyes were indeed made by several members of the watch party that started this whole thing. People went wild for Rotor-Cape Johnson.

The fighter jets from the US military are arriving in a minute. Epps warns them to aim for the robots that aren’t evil. Lennox and the gang spread out, reminding each other to aim for the underboob, since Transformers’ armor is weak there. Epps marks Blackout with a little green light, which Blackout almost immediately notices. Blackout fires on the military.

Lennox has stolen a motorcycle and is driving through the streets to circle back around and jump off of the bike, sliding on his back to shoot Blackout directly in his underboob. Wonder what his uniform is rated for for road rash.

Sam is watching as Optimus gets his ass handed to him. Up in the sky, Starscream commits identity theft, and then attacks the Air Force. The Air Force can multitask however, and light Megatron the fuck up. Sam has, for some reason, come out of hiding, and Megatron uses this to his advantage, trying to take the AllSpark from him.

Optimus tells Sam to put the AllSpark in his chest, but Sam has a better idea. He shoves it into Megatron’s chest, which has been basically shot open at this point. Megatron makes a Space Invader noise, convulses a bit, then falls over dead.

Congrats on your first murder, Sam.

Optimus tells Megatron’s corpse that he got what was coming to him, then implies that they’re brothers. What flavor of brother isn’t established, but neither was basically anything between the two main faces of the franchise in this film, so it’s fine.

Ironhide walks up holding the two halves of Jazz. Optimus informs Sam that he now has a life-debt to this child. Whether or not Sam is absorbing any information at this point is up in the air. Mikaela shows up, with Bumblebee in tow.

In tow.

In tow-

Sam stares at her blankly. Mikaela stares back, making the pretty girl face. Man, what a great dynamic these two have.

Jazz is dead. That sucks. Optimus is handed his corpse to hold, while he thanks his new friends for helping out.

Then Bumblebee talks and he’s fucKING BRITISH.

Sam is obviously shocked by the fact that Bumblebee is British able to talk now, since not talking has been his whole thing up to this point. Optimus doesn’t let it phase him. Neither does Ratchet, despite having been working on Bumblebee’s throat injury for centuries at this point.

Bumblebee wants to stay on Earth with Sam. Optimus is just like whatever. Sam agrees to have a sweet Camaro from outer space.

Optimus pulls what is left of the AllSpark out of Megatron’s chest. I’m sure that’s not a setup for potential conflicts, not in the slightest.

Over in Washington, D.C., the US President has ordered Sector Seven be terminated, and all the Transformer corpses be disposed of. And by “disposed of” they mean “thrown into the ocean.” Dang, sure hope Earth signed some sort of agreement with the Transformers so that they never come to Earth again. You know, just be proactive about our galactic safety.

The Linkin Park kicks on, as Optimus gives us our bookend narration, telling us what the Autobots plan to do now that their race is at a genological dead end. As he does, we see Lennox reunite with his wife and child, who I had genuinely forgotten were in this movie.

Optimus is pretty chill with Cybertron dying out, because now they know about Earth. We get a shot of Sam and Mikaela making out, a shot that becomes more and more horrifying the further they zoom out, because they’re making out on top of Bumblebee. Who they KNOW is a sentient creature at this point.

And then it gets even worse, because the shot changes, and oh hey! Turns out that the rest of the Autobots were just chillin’ off to the side while this went down. Optimus continues his monologue, just walking around in his root mode as he tells all of Makeout Point how they’re “robots in disguise” now.

The monologue is actually a transmission he’s sending out into space, inviting any of his leftover pals to come kick it on Earth with them, because Earth is pretty cool.

And that’s where they leave us.

IT TOOK THREE PEOPLE TO WRITE THIS SCHLOCK.

So. Bayverse 1. A film showcasing xenophobia, misogyny, and toxic nationalism. It’s rough. Is it the worst film I’ve ever seen? Not even close, but it’s bad, and it was a huge deal at the time of release. Everyone was seeing it, everyone knew the actors and robots, everyone had a scene that they liked. Everyone was exposed to Bayverse, and as a result, a lot of people entered the Transformers franchise thinking that it was all like this.

And really, how far off would they have been in 2007?

When a franchise refuses to introduce female characters until years after being established, when all those female characters have the exact same body type, when a franchise hires misogynists to write stories, when it allows shit like “Prime’s Rib!” to be published- no wonder Michael Bay was approached to direct.

What a mess.

--------------------------

COMING SOON:

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (2009) - MEGAN FOX I AM SO FUCKING SORRY

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON (2011) - WILL YOU JUST STAY DEAD

TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION (2014) - SHUT UP ABOUT THE LAW SHUT UP ABOUT THE LAW

TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT (2017) - ACTUALLY, FUCK CONTINUITY

[jensengirl83]

Regret and Redemption Chapter 26

Dean x reader

Mechanic!AU

Word Count-3169

Warnings-SMUT, Angst, Language

Summary- Reader has left Dean and is trying to move on with her life. Can Dean prove himself and convince her to come back home?

A/N- Song is this chapter is “Afternoon Delight” by Starlight Vocal Band. Lyrics are in Italics.

Thank you to my beta @emoryhemsworth​​​​​​​​ and all my girls and guy for the encouragement to keep going with this series. I love you all!

Amazing series cover and text dividers courtesy of @talesmaniac89​​​​​​​​

Regret and Redemption Masterlist

Y/N stood in their kitchen cooking lunch while Dean worked diligently getting the nursery finished. She was thirty-five weeks along, so they didn’t have much time to get things completed. She had been feeling tired and grumpy but also elated that it wouldn’t be much longer until they got to meet their babies. 

The last couple of months felt like they were taking forever but flying by at the same time. Y/N and Dean were eager to hold their children in their arms but terrified of being new parents, especially new parents of twins. One baby was hard enough, and Y/N was afraid she wouldn’t be able to give them both the attention they deserved. Her fears were valid, but Dean always reminded Y/N what a great mother she would be, helping to calm her anxieties. 

Dean took a break from painting and walked downstairs to check on Y/N, finding her standing at the stove, singing softly and swaying her hips to the music playing. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, stifling the groan that wanted to escape. Y/N had complained about the weight she had gained, but Dean had no complaints. The way her hips had filled out, the roundness of her face, the fact she was carrying his children, Dean couldn’t take his eyes off her. He palmed at the arousal in his jeans as he watched her from the doorway, wanting to take her right there. 

Dean walked up behind Y/N, wrapping his arms around her, and pulled her back against him, placing open mouth kisses behind her ear and down her neck. Y/N reached behind her putting her hand on the back of his neck, squeezing lightly, throwing her head back to rest on his chest, the feeling of his mouth on her sending sparks to her core. Dean’s deep smooth voice beginning to sing in her ear did nothing to help stop the need for him. 

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight

Gonna grab some afternoon delight

My motto’s always been ‘when it’s right, it’s right’

Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?

When everything’s a little clearer in the light of day

And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway

Please be waiting for me, baby, when I come around

We could make a lot of lovin’ ‘for the sun goes down

Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite

Looking forward to a little afternoon delight

Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite

And the thought of lovin’ you is getting so exciting

Sky rockets in flight

Afternoon delight

Afternoon delight

Afternoon delight

Dean spun Y/N around in his arms as the song ended, his lust blown pupils taking in the sight of her, breath coming in pants at her own arousal. It had been a few weeks since the last time he’d felt her wrapped around him, not wanting to press the issue with how tired she had been feeling, but he couldn’t take it any longer. He had to have her and have her right there in the kitchen. 

“Goddamn, sweetheart, you look good enough to eat,” Dean growled, his hands digging into her hips as he pulled her body against him.

 “Dean…” Y/N moaned, his words making her shiver. 

Dean slid his hands up her sides and across her shoulders, finally stopping to cup her face and crush his lips to hers, his tongue dragging against her bottom lip. Y/N wrapped her hands in his t-shirt, pulling him as close as she could, opening her mouth slightly to deepen the kiss. The moan that left Dean had Y/N clenching her thighs together, desperately seeking friction. It had been too long, and she needed to feel him all over her. 

Dean bent his knees, locking his hands under her thighs to pick her up and sit Y/N on the kitchen island, her legs instantly wrapping around his hips and pulling him against her. He could feel the heat and wetness of her through his jeans, dropping his head to her shoulder as the feeling drove him wild. 

“Y/N, I need to feel you so bad,” Dean groaned into her shoulder. 

“I need you too, now!” Y/N moaned as her want for him was becoming too much. 

Dean growled as he grabbed Y/N’s hips and pulled her to the countertop’s edge, pushing against her shoulder to lay her back, then running his hands up her legs to her sleep shorts, yanking them and her panties off in one quick movement. His eyes roamed over her naked body before fixating on her dripping sex, the need to feel her wrapped around him growing by the second. 

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so wet for me already,” Dean whispered to her as he slid one thick finger into her entrance, pumping it a few times and then adding another. 

“Dean… please!” Y/N begged, becoming a withering mess under his touch. 

“Patience, baby, I have to get you ready for me,” Dean said, unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them down his thick bowed legs with his free hand. 

Dean pumped his fingers in and out of her slowly, scissoring his fingers every so often to get her ready to take him deep inside of her. Dean had to squeeze himself to keep from blowing his load right then, the sounds coming from his wife and how she was grinding her hips making him rock hard. He could feel her walls fluttering against his fingers. Knowing she was close to coming, Dean started rubbing her clit with his thumb, causing her to moan loudly and arch her back. 

“Dean! I’m so close!” Y/N shouted, all her nerve endings feeling as if they were on fire. 

“Come for me, Y/N,” Dean growled as he quickened the pace of his fingers. 

Y/N came with a shout of his name, Dean working her through her high, slowing his pace as she came down. He couldn’t contain himself any longer, lining up at her entrance and driving himself deep in one quick thrust, his hands grabbing her hips to keep her in place as he set a fast pace. Y/N reached down to grab onto Dean’s wrists, using them as leverage to grind down against him. 

“I’m not going to last long, sweetheart. I need to feel that tight pussy come for me again,” Dean moaned through gritted teeth, trying to hold back his release. 

“Fuck, Dean,” Y/N groaned. She loved it when he talked dirty. 

Dean slid his hand between her legs, rubbing harsh circles on her clit, bringing her closer to her end. Y/N could feel the tightening in her lower belly as the coil wound tight, ready to snap and send her into an earth-shattering orgasm. Y/N shut her eyes tight as her body began to quiver with her impending release, her walls fluttering around Dean. 

Dean could feel her on the edge, his fingers circling her clit faster as he buried himself deep with one last thrust, Y/N’s name leaving his lips in a shout as he filled her with his seed. Feeling Dean twitch inside her was all it took for Y/N to fall over the edge as she came hard, her mouth open in silent screams as she trembled with pleasure. 

Y/N and Dean lay silent for a few minutes as they tried to catch their breath. Dean laid his head gently against her swollen belly as Y/N ran her fingers through his sweaty hair, making him shudder at the feeling of her nails scraping against his scalp. Dean’s eyes fluttered open as he moved to stand and look down at his wife, her face radiating with post-coital bliss. 

“Unless you want round two, I’d better move,” Dean chuckled. 

“As much as I would love that, I’m exhausted. I’ll take you up on a rain check though,” Y/N laughed, smiling up at him. 

 “Sounds good to me, darlin’,” Dean laughed. “Go get some rest and I’ll clean up in here.”

“Shower first. I’m a little gross right now,” Y/N laughed, standing on her toes to kiss Dean’s cheek. 

“Ok babe, I’ll join you when I’m done in here,” Dean said, placing a kiss to her forehead and swatting her on the ass as she turned to walk away. 

Dean smiled to himself as he watched Y/N walk out and head for the stairs. Her waddle always made him laugh, but he never let her hear him. That would be an automatic death sentence. He thought it was adorable, but Y/N had a difference in opinion on that one. Dean shook his head with another laugh as he started cleaning the kitchen, first getting rid of the lunch they had all but forgotten. Dean was almost done when he heard Y/N start screaming for him, his feet moving to rush to her before realizing he was running.

“Y/N! What’s wrong?!” Dean shouted as he ran into the bathroom where she was, his eyes roaming around the room to see if he could find what was wrong. That’s when he saw the puddle of water at her feet, his heart skipping a beat. 

“Dean! My water just broke!” Y/N yelled, reaching her hands out for him, terror written on her face. 

“Shhh, it’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll get you to the hospital,” Dean said, trying to comfort his wife, trying to hide his own fear. 

“I’m only thirty-five weeks, Dean! It’s too early!” Y/N shouted as tears were forming in her eyes. 

“I know, baby. Just try to calm down. I’m going to be right beside you the whole time, I promise,” Dean whispered to her, pulling her to him and kissing her on the head.

 Dean had never been as scared as he was on the way to the hospital. They were supposed to have five weeks left, and were the babies going to be okay? His mind was racing with what would happen to his wife and his children, as he had no clue about any of this. Y/N reaching over to squeeze his hand brought him back to reality. It didn’t matter how he was feeling at the moment, as all that mattered was making sure Y/N was comfortable and reassured. 

“We’re here, Y/N. I’ll help you out and then go park the car, and I’ll be right behind you, okay?” Dean said while trying to keep his voice calm. 

“Don’t leave me, Dean!” Y/N said, starting to panic. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Once you’re in the wheelchair, I’m parking Baby and coming straight back to you,” Dean said, his tone of voice letting her know he was serious. 

Y/N nodded her head, opening the car door and letting Dean and the nurses help her into a wheelchair. As soon as she was seated, Dean took off like a bullet, tires squealing as he rushed to park Baby and get back to her. Y/N clenched her teeth as the pain started to rip through her, the contractions coming faster than she had anticipated. 

The nurse wheeled her back to a room and began hooking her to all the machines, getting an IV started, and checking her for dilation. She had already dilated to seven and was moving fast, causing the panic to really set in. Y/N wasn’t ready for this, and she was worried about her babies because being early wasn’t a good thing. She was prepared to cry when Dean came through the door. 

“I called, and everyone is on their way, sweetheart. How are you holding up?” Dean asked, running his hand over her hair. 

“I’m scared, Dean. What if something happens to our babies?” Y/N said as she began to cry, clinging to Dean.

“Oh, honey, it will all be okay. Don’t cry,” Dean whispered, trying to comfort her but ready to cry himself. 

Y/N cried out as another contraction ripped through her, squeezing Dean’s hand and trying to breathe through it, but she had no clue labor would be this painful. Dean was white as a sheet as he watched Y/N writhe in pain, unable to help her, and it was killing him. Y/N threw her head back on the pillow as the contraction subsided and looked up at Dean, his face contorted in fear. 

“It’s okay, Dean. You don’t have to look so scared,” Y/N said, rubbing her thumb on the top of his hand. 

“I should be comforting you right now, not the other way around,” Dean said, pouting. 

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle at her husband, his lip poking out most adorably. She knew they were both scared for different reasons, but some were the same. Y/N smiled, trying to reassure him when the door to her room opened, and Sam, Jess, and Mary walked in, the three of them with smiles on their faces, excited for the birth of Y/N and Dean’s little ones. 

“How are you doing, Y/N? Are the nurses doing what they need to do?” Mary asked, coming to stand on the other side of Y/N’s bed, rubbing her hand up and down Y/N’s arm. 

“Yeah, I’m dilated to seven, so it’s a waiting game now,” Y/N sighed as she started to feel another contraction building, latching on to Dean’s hand. 

“Another contraction already?! You just had one three minutes ago!” Dean exclaimed, staring at his mom like she would have all the answers. 

“I can’t control when my body decides to have a contraction, Dean!” Y/N growled through gritted teeth. 

“There it is, the ‘I hate you’ look,” Sam said with a laugh. Dean was looking at him as if he was crazy and the women glared at him. 

“Sam!” Jess reprimanded him. 

“What? It’s the truth! You looked at me just like that, too!” Sam said, gesturing his hand towards Y/N. 

“I’m so sorry for my idiot son, Y/N,” Mary said as she rolled her eyes. 

“It’s okay, Mary. They can both be idiots sometimes,” Y/N said, releasing the breath she was holding. 

“Hey! What did I do?” Dean asked, throwing his hands up. 

“Nothing, dear,” Y/N said with a groan, rolling her eyes at him too. 

Y/N’s eyes grew wide as the next contraction took hold, this one worse than the one before, causing her to scream. Everyone in the room jumped as her scream pierced the room, Dean looking down at his watch to see that this one was only two minutes from the last one. He looked to his mother with worry etched on his face, not thinking things should be moving this fast. 

“Jess, go get the nurse, please! They shouldn’t be happening this fast,” Dean told his sister in law, his eyes pleading with her. 

Jess nodded and ran from the room to find a nurse as Dean wiped the sweat from Y/N’s forehead. She looked pale and exhausted already, and he didn’t know how she would be able to keep going. Mary comforted her from the other side of the bed as Y/N cried in pain. Dean couldn’t stand to see his wife hurting like this, but there was nothing he could do, and it was breaking his heart. Dean opened his mouth to ask if Y/N was okay when the nurse followed Jess back into the room. 

“Okay, Y/N. Let’s see how you’re doing,” the nurse said, smiling, “Can everyone but Dad leave the room for a moment, please?” 

Dean watched as everyone made their way out into the hallway, the door shutting behind them. Y/N looked over and reached for Dean’s hand as the nurse checked to see how she was progressing. Dean scrunched up his nose as he imagined how uncomfortable that had to be for Y/N, knowing right then that Y/N was a lot tougher than he could have ever imagined. 

“Okay, Y/N, you’re dilated to a little over nine centimeters. I’ll go call the doctor and start getting you ready to move to delivery,” she said with a sweet smile, walking back out of the room and letting the family know they could enter. 

“It’s almost over, sweetheart! You’re doing so good, Y/N. I love you,” Dean whispered in her ear as another contraction hit. 

Y/N was about to speak when an unusual but excruciating pain tore through her, letting out an almost feral scream. The next thing she knew, the nurse was back in the room with two others as they descended on her, pushing everyone out of the way. Y/N searched the room for Dean as the terror of what was happening to her set in, reaching out for her husband, wanting him by her side. 

“I need everyone out!” one nurse shouted, ushering everyone out the door. 

“Dean!” Y/N shouted, gripping his shirt when he made his way to her side, “What’s happening to me? It hurts so bad!” Y/N cried. 

“I’m not sure, baby, but I’m right here, okay? Keep your focus on me, Y/N,” Dean said, keeping his eyes locked to hers, hoping it would help calm her down. 

“Go get the doctor! She’s beginning to hemorrhage!” One of the nurses shouted, causing Y/N to break eye contact with Dean. 

“Y/N! Look at me, baby! Listen to me. Everything’s going to be okay!” Dean said, grabbing her chin to make her focus back on him. 

“Dean, I’m so scared,” Y/N whimpered, tears spilling down her face.

“I know, sweetheart, but you have to be strong for the babies, okay?” Dean said, pleading with her. He couldn’t lose her; he just couldn’t. 

Y/N closed her eyes as the pain raged through her, praying that her babies were okay and that they’d all make it out of this. Dean’s hand in hers was keeping her grounded and focused as she tried to stay calm as the nurses pushed and pulled at her. Dean watched as she began to look even paler, her skin becoming clammy. He went to voice his concerns when he felt hands on him, pushing him away from Y/N.

“Mr. Winchester, you have to leave,” a nurse said as she pushed him back towards the door. 

“I’m not leaving my wife!” Dean shouted, trying to push past the nurse. 

Dean’s eyes never left Y/N as he fought to get back to her, another nurse coming to push him backward. He was yelling for them to quit touching him, not listening to anything the nurses were saying. Y/N’s eyes rolling back and her eyelids shutting was the last thing he saw as the nurses shoved him into the hallway, slamming the door.

@flamencodiva​​ @sorenmarie87​​ @foxyjwls007​​ @waywardbeanie​​ @emoryhemsworth​​ @voltage-my2dlove​​ @hardcoresupernatural​​ @msmarvelouswinchester​ @lyarr24​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @akshi8278​ @midsummereve1993​ @sutton2001​ @emory91​ @halesandy​ @miss-nerd95​ @ellewritesfix05​ @bxbyizzy @winchest09​ @adoptdontshoppets​ @defenderrosetyler​ @hobby27​ @whatareyousearchingfordean​ @talesmaniac89​ @deanwanddamons​ @atc74​ @superfanficnatural​ @smol-and-grumpy​ @supernatural-love14​ @vicmc624​ @squirrelnotsam​ @tatted-trina6​ @xhannahbananax03​ @coffeebooksandfandom​ @nihilismworld​ @winchester-wifey @mrsfox79​ @malfoysqueen14​ @moron225​ @deans-baby-momma​ @lovelyrocker​ @fablesrose​ @queenofchaos7​ @maralisa124​ @deangirl93​ @aimee-ginge​ @anathewierdo​ @donnaintx​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @itsdesiree86​ @kyjey​ @roxytheimmortal​ @briagallen​ @aubageddon91​ @lunarmoon8​ @that-one-gay-girl​ @stoneyggirl​ @kitkatd7​

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch59: We Only Part To Meet Again

Intro: The team hold a memorial for Natasha.

Warnings: “Language!” Angst

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: I’m STILL salty that Nat didn’t get a proper send off in Endgame so I hope I’ve done her justice in this one. We’re so near the end now… *cries*

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 58

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Steve and Katie decided not to tell anyone about their news until both Natasha’s remembrance ceremony and Tony’s funerals were done. For no reason other than they didn’t want any of the attention being placed on them to detract from what the days were about- their friends and family taking time to remember together.  In all fairness, it wasn’t too long time to have to wait.  The only problem however, was that whilst it might have been easy to fool the kids, it was a little less easy to fool Bucky and Sam, especially when the morning of Nat’s memorial, Katie pushed Bucky and Sam out of the way as she ran from the kitchen and emptied her stomach into the downstairs toilet.

“She okay?” Bucky asked looking at Steve as he grabbed a bottle of water for her from the fridge.

“Just nerves, about the memorial.” Steve brushed off Bucky’s concern, and before he could be asked any further questions, he headed out into the hallway just as Katie was emerging from the bathroom. Wordlessly he handed her the bottle and gently cupped her cheek in his hand, and she smiled softly leaning into his touch.

“You were puking the last time we were on a jet together you know.” Sam quipped as they walked back into the kitchen  “Maybe that says something about your flying.” Katie shot back at him, sitting down at the table.

“Nah ah, you’d eaten that dodgy chicken remember?”

Katie nodded and then Bucky gave a scoff.

“You know, you’re almost convincing.” He pointed at her. “You on the other hand,” his point moved to Steve who had reached to open the fridge, pausing as he was caught in his friend’s stare, “still can’t lie for shit. It’s written all over your face.” Katie and Steve exchanged a glance before they looked back to the two men who were both leaning against the counter, mugs of coffee in their hands.

“What’s he lying about?” Sam frowned, looking at Bucky. Bucky simply gave him an exasperated glance.

“Let’s just say it’s more likely to be dodgy sausage than chicken.”

“Buck!” Steve frowned as Katie glared at his best friend. Sam’s face rearranged itself into a look of comprehension and he turned to look at Katie.

“Really?” His eyes flickered from her to Steve. Before they could deny it, Jamie walked into the kitchen with Lucky, the pair of them having been in the garden with Emmy.

“When do we go see Auntie Nat-Nat’s tree?”

“Soon” Steve turned to his son noticing instantly his son’s shoes were filthy. “Do not move a single step more, pal.”

Jamie stood and saluted at his father, the way Tony had taught him to do whenever he was given an order and Katie snorted a laugh. With a roll of his eyes Steve bent down and undid the laces on his sneakers. Jamie kicked them off and ran over to his momma.

“Can I wear my Captain ‘Merica top Auntie Nat-Nat got me?” He asked.

“You can wear what you want today, baby.” Katie kissed his head. At that she looked around. “Absolutely no black.”

“Kinda ironic really seeing as she spent half her life being called Black Widow.” Sam mused.

“Exactly.” Katie nodded. “Today there is no black widow, only Natasha Romanoff.”

At that point Emmy stepped inside holding a ceramic pot which now contained a tulip plant she had dug up from her patch near the shed. “Will this be okay, you know, to plant under her tree?” “I think it’s perfect.” Katie smiled, standing up with Jamie in her arms. “And so would she. She liked tulips. Right young man,” she blew a raspberry on her son’s cheek and he grinned, “shower time.” “Want me to do it?” Steve asked.

“No, I’ll take him. You can deal with these two idiots.” She nodded towards Sam and Bucky. She glanced back at Steve and gave him a soft smile. “Emmy, you need to get ready too, honey.”

Steve watched as his family left the kitchen before he turned to look at Bucky. “You are a pain in my ass, you know that?” “Tell me I’m wrong.” Bucky raised an eyebrow as Steve ran his hands over his face. He looked at his friend and then couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his face.

“Yeah, she’s, we’re pregnant.”

“Fucking hell, punk!” Bucky moved to give the man a hug “That’s great news.”

“Thanks Buck.” Steve grinned, pulling back.

“Yeah nice one, Cap.” Sam beamed, shaking his hand.

“Thanks, but we’re keeping it on the low for the time being. We don’t wanna tell anyone till after Tony’s funeral, it just doesn’t feel right you know.”

Both men made affirmative nods and hand gestures, before Sam looked at Steve.

“How far along?”

Steve hesitated. “Well, we don’t know. It’s kinda complicated.”

“Complicated?” Bucky frowned “What’s complicated about it?”

“We lost one in the snap.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “We didn’t even think about it being a possibility, ya know, that it would come back, and we didn’t know Katie was pregnant back then until after. We’ve got a dating scan tomorrow so we’ll know for sure then.”

“So that time when we were on the low, and she thought she was sick…” Sam frowned, “she he was actually pregnant?”

Steve nodded.

“Not bad chicken?”

Steve shook his head.              

“Dude you knocked up your Mrs whilst we were running from the Feds?”  Sam’s eyes widened and Steve let out a sigh.

“It wasn’t exactly planned, Sam.” He rolled his eyes.

**** Steve watched his wife for a moment as she sat on the seat opposite him on the private Stark Jet, scribbling on a piece of paper. She was scribing notes for Tony’s Eulogy and her brow was furrowed as she jotted her ideas down, stopping every so often to wipe a stray tear away from her eyes. He leaned over to tuck her hair behind her ear whilst asking if she needed anything and she shook her head, tapping the pen lightly against her teeth. He dropped his hand to her neck, gently squeezed in a sign of affection and stood up to go and check if Bucky need rescuing from Jamie’s incessant chattering.

“You know it doesn’t seem right, any of this.” Katie spoke quietly, as she looked out of the window. Steve watched her for a second before he sat back down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the small table between them. She turned back to him and sighed. “The world is mourning for Tony, yet the same people who are leaving candles and wreathes and flowers outside the tower don’t seem to give a shit about Natasha. She’s not been mentioned once in the media since the President’s address.” “Sadly, I’m not surprised.” Steve sighed “After we took down SHIELD and all her past secrets were thrown into the spotlight and, well, you know her history. It wasn’t well received. People made assumptions about her, questioned her loyalties, wrongly yes, but they did.” “It’s not fair.” Katie sniffed.

“You’re right, it’s not. It’s unfair and it’s cruel.” Steve nodded, gently reaching out for Katie’s hand. “She gave her life because she believed so firmly that we could succeed and she’s being given no recognition at all. But that’s what today is about. Those of us that did know her, and did care about her, getting the chance to say goodbye properly.”

Katie smiled sadly, her fingers tangling in Steve’s as their hands lay entwined on the table

“And I think she would prefer it this way.” He continued “She was a very private person, unless she was around her friends, her family after all.”

“Yeah.” Katie said, smiling gently. “Maybe you’re right.”

There was a loud yell from the other side of the jet and they both looked over to see Bucky giving Jamie a hi-five as Sam and Emmy leant back in their chairs, throwing their Uno cards onto the table in defeat.  Bucky looked up and caught Steve’s eye, flashing him a small wink.

It wasn’t long before they were landing. Katie felt ridiculously queasy as the jet began to descend and no sooner was she on the concrete of the runway than she threw up to the side of the steps. Emmy gave her a suspicious look, but didn’t say anything as she made her way, her hand around Jamie’s, as they followed Sam and Bucky to the waiting cars, Steve patiently hanging back for his wife to compose herself before they set off on the 30 minute or so drive to Clint’s farm.

There were hugs, hand-shakes and a few tears as the group greeted each other. Banner and Wanda had already arrived before the Rogers-Barnes-Wilson clan did, and it wasn’t long until Fury and Hill walked into the large farmhouse. An hour or so later, Okoye and T’Challa landed shortly followed by Rocket, Nebula and Thor. And finally Lang, Rhodey, Pepper, Happy and Morgan.  As Katie looked round as her niece shot over to hug her ‘Uncle Spangles’, she suddenly felt a warmth in her chest that where was still so much love in and amongst the grief.

They had an hour or so at the house, Jamie and Nathaniel instantly hitting it off and retreating to Nate’s room, emerging thirty minutes later each with a picture for their Auntie Nat. Katie had crouched down next to her son as he had showed her the picture of the woman with the shock of red hair holding a bar of chocolate because “she always gave me chocolate, Momma.”

“Yeah, yeah she did.” Katie smiled, kissing his cheek.

In the mid-afternoon sun, Clint and Laura, with their three kids, led the way down a worn path which led to a small pond not far from the line of trees that surrounded the farm. Clint explained that Natasha liked it here, she often came to visit and stay if there was a little too much going on in her life to cope with and this was her place which was why the tree was planted here. The tree was roughly six feet high at the moment but was already sporting the deep red leaves they had picked it for, and they all knew that over time it would grow and expand. There was a small wooden bench underneath it, with a brass plaque which sported Natasha’s Black Widow symbol, and they had also ordered a small head stone, but that would not be available for a while.

“It’s beautiful Clint.” Katie nodded, her hand falling to the place just underneath her throat and above her chest. “It really is.” “So,” Clint rubbed his neck, clearing his throat. “I thought, those of us that wanted to could just say a few words and,” he looked around and gave a watery smile as he took in the crowd of people, “you know, seeing you all here reminds me of how Nat came into my life. No friends, no family, no connections, and absolutely no desire to change any of that.” “You got that right.” Fury muttered, drawing a few smiles and soft laughs, including a chuckle from Clint.

“Yet here she is, being celebrated and remembered by all of you, all of us, the people whose lives she’s touched and impacted and I guess, well, she did change it after all.”

Steve gave the archer a smile as he turned to look at the tree, his head bowing slightly “Nat, your last name might have been Romanoff but you’ve been part of the Barton family for as long as we can remember. I watched you break free from the horrors of your youth and learn that life didn’t have to always be painful and cruel. You worked tirelessly to build yourself up and always strived to be a better person. I hope you know that,” he paused and looked upwards, taking a deep shaky breath, “you were worthy of being loved. And we did, we loved you so much, still do. Me, Laura, Coops, Lila and Nate.  If it wasn’t for you my family wouldn’t be here, but whilst my heart may have pieced itself back together thanks to them coming home, there’s still a huge hole there where you used to be. And I know that Nate only met you briefly, but he’s gonna know…he’s gonna know all about the woman he’s named after, the bravest woman I have ever known.” He reached out and wiped at his face before his hand gently touched the bark of the tree trunk. “Goodbye, Nat.” At that point Laura stepped forward, her own tears trickling down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms round her husband, their kids all following before Nathanial turned and placed the piece of paper he was holding on the bench, Clint helping him tack it to the back part with a small pin before the stepped back into the crowd.

Almost everyone spoke. Fury and Hill went next, explaining how they had been there from the beginning and watched her as she had transformed from this lethal, master assassin into an Avenger, a leader. And whilst he may not have been so warm to her in the beginning, Fury had come to look at her as a protégée, the person who after Hill and Coulson he trusted the most. And Hill, who had become a friend, one of the first people to join Natasha’s slowly expanding group of confidents in the beginning. Natasha had exceeded any expectations they had of her as a colleague and had been a fiercely loyal friend until the end.

Okoye, Nebula, Rocket, who had only known Nat really for a short time, all respected the woman who was broken and shattered but never gave up wanting to make the world a better place and continually strived to find a way to fix what Thanos had done. They had all forged a friendship with Natasha as they picked up the pieces of a shattered world and strived to keep people safe through the chaos that ensured post snap.

T’Challa, who had seen the fierce loyalty and drive that Natasha possessed first hand, gave a moving short speech, commending her for her courage. “Even if that did mean she knocked me out with a hell of a sting.” He quipped, drawing chuckles from the group. “Her tenacity on the battle field in Wakanda, her strive to protect not only her friends, but billions of strangers, at all costs. An honourable trait.”

Lang, who again hadn’t known her wrong but had found an ally instantly willing to work on his ludicrous Time Heist idea, without whom, “I doubt anyone would have taken me seriously, including Steve” nodded around, and Steve gave him a small smile and a shrug because it was true.  

Bucky, who had tried to kill Natasha on more than one occasion, but could empathise with what she had been through more than most, simply placed his metal hand on the bark of the tree and said something in Russian, which he later explained to Steve and Katie had been a simple thank you and goodbye, not being able to think of anything else to say.

Rhodey who had know Nat as long as Katie had, spoke about how he had watched as she stepped up post the snap, helping Steve lead what was left of their group as they tried to help who was left and “bring peace to a world that was in turmoil”.

Pepper who had also known her as long as Katie had, thanks to her infiltration of Stark Industries spoke about how she’d become a good friend over the years, sharing a “mutual annoyance at Tony’s ridiculous antics” and with Katie and later Wanda the women had joined forces in an otherwise male and testosterone swamped Avengers Tower or Compound.

Wanda and Sam, who had both spent years on the run alongside her. She had helped train them both, fought alongside them both, and saved both their lives more times than they cared to remember. They respected her, and counted her amongst their closest friends.

Thor, he trusted her, infinitely, watching her hold her own against opponents both bigger and stronger on many an occasion. She had never once judged him for the sins of his brother, and with a large clap of lightning he had declared her the “most noble and worthy warrior, one of the greatest I have ever seen”

Bruce, who had trusted her more than he had ever trusted anyone was up next, and he took a moment to gather his own thoughts, before he spoke simply and succinctly, but no less emotionally. “There’s a reason that lullaby never worked for anyone else, Nat, and whilst we never got the chance to explore the feelings we had for one another, I loved you. More than as a friend, and want you to know that my time away for those two years I was stuck as the hulk was not your fault, despite what you thought.”

And then, it was Steve’s turn. The soldier cleared his throat, his hand firmly grasped around Katie’s as they both stepped forward, their kids at their side. His chest was horribly tight as he took a deep breath and began to speak. “Clint’s right Nat, you were a pain in the ass. Specifically my ass for years. Constantly laughing at me for being old fashioned, trying to fix me up on dates until you realised that the person I wanted to be with just happened to be one of your best friends, which then opened up a whole other world of opportunity for your sarcasm and wind ups. You were one of the bravest, kindest people I have ever fought alongside, and we both knew that when we made you godmother to Jamie you’d guide him in the best way you could, even if you did take him for the day and fill him with enough e-numbers to make him bounce of the walls when you returned him.”

He sniffed slightly and Katie lay her head against his shoulder, fighting her own tears. “People often pointed to me as the leader of the Avengers, but I wasn’t. Not really. You were the one that held us all together on more than one occasion, especially when me and Tony were ready to rip each other’s heads off. Your ability to see the best in people is something I can only hope to emulate, and we’re going to miss you. We all are. More than you will ever know.” At that point, his voice cracked and Katie could see he was close to breaking, just as Clint had done.

“Emmy, Jamie why don’t you put your picture and your plant on the bench?” She encouraged gently, “Clint, can you?”

Clint nodded and stepped forward with them both as she took the opportunity to wrap her arms around Steve, pulling him in close.

“I drawed this for you.” She heard Jamie say as Clint helped him tack his photo next to Nathaniel’s before he promised Emmy he would plant the tulips in the ground once her headstone was there.

A silence fell before Katie stepped back and looked up at Steve who gave her a nod to assure her he was okay. Then, realising it was her turn she turned to the tree and looked at the shock of red leaves, smiling softly.

“There’s nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said.” Katie smiled gently “You were an amazing person, inside and out. I’ll never forget how you helped me pick an outfit for my first date with Steve and calmed me down despite the nerves that were flooding my entire system.”

“You never told me that.” Steve frowned, causing the crowd around them to laugh.

“Oh it’s true.” Katie nodded with a smile before she turned back to the tree. “All the ribbings and joking you would do, trying to get the ‘inside details’ as you called them on Captain America, but that’s what friends do right? And we were friends, best friends. I knew I wanted to be your friend the first time I met you when you were undercover in Stark Industries and your floored Happy after Tony insisted you ‘go a few rounds’”

“Thanks, Kiddo.” Happy grumbled, drawing more chuckles.

“You helped us so much when Jamie was a baby, taking him when you could see things were getting too much for me as a new mum, telling me that it was normal to feel a little overwhelmed when I simply thought I was doing a bad job. We couldn’t have done it without you and there’s no better friend I could have had by my side through everything we’ve been through together and done over the past thirteen years.”

Katie looked up at the sky, her tears falling now. “You know, on the jet on the way over me and Steve talked about how cruel it was that you’re not getting the recognition for your part in bringing everyone back that you deserve, but then I see everyone here and,” she choked a little on her words and felt Steve’s arm slide around her waist, “you know, it might not be a public mourning but this, this is the evidence that you were loved, and the people that mattered care and will always care and be thankful that you gave your life so that everyone who’s here could live theirs.  You were so loved Nat, you always will be, and I can only hope you knew and felt that.”

With that her tears began to fall thickly and she turned to Steve, his arms wrapping around her, his large, strong but ever so gently hands held her close to him, one on the base of her back, the other on her head.

There was a soft breeze which ruffled the leaves of the trees in the otherwise completely calm clearing they were in and no one spoke for a moment, until Clint stated that there were drinks and food waiting at the house. With a last glance over her shoulder at Nat’s tree, Katie allowed Steve to guide her down the path, every so often pressing a soft kiss to her temple.

With drinks and full plates, the guests spilled out into grounds of the Barton farm as animated chat began on and around the porch. Katie stuck to apple juice topped up with lemonade in a wine glass, and when Steve had subtly arched an eyebrow in question at the fact she was drinking she’d flicked him off and shook her head gently causing him to snigger a little.

“So,” Pepper sidled up to her, looking at her, “when are you due?”

“What?” Katie asked, a little too quickly.“I don’t know what you’re-.”

“I know that’s not wine.” Pepper gently cut her off. “And I know that you lost a baby in the snap. Maybe I’m putting two and two together here, but…”

Katie sighed and looked at her sister-in-law. “We only found out the other day. We didn’t wanna say anything, not until the memorials and funerals are over. It doesn’t feel right, to be happy about it all. Even though I can’t help it.” “Are you kidding me?” Pepper smiled “Katie, its great news. Something positive to look forward to.”

“Literally” Katie mumbled causing Pepper to grin.

“I knew it!” Emmy’s voice spluttered and Katie groaned and turned to face her. “The baby, it came back?”

“Shhhh” Katie hurriedly quieted her. “We haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Why not?”

“Because we don’t know how far along we are or,” Katie pinched the bridge of her nose. “just not yet Emmy okay? And this isn’t how we wanted you to find out. We were gonna tell you tomorrow after the scan.”

Emmy cocked her head to one side and shrugged, draining the glass of ice tea she was holding before she smiled and wrapped her arms round her mother, the sixteen year old now being almost as tall as she was. “I think it’s great.” Katie smiled and lay her head against her daughters, squeezing her back. “Yeah, yeah it is.”

***** Katie was exhausted after the day’s events and so, once the kids were settled she left the men drinking in the kitchen and headed for a bath.  Steve and Bucky had been drinking the Asgardian stuff all afternoon thanks to Thor bringing a load with him to Clint’s and both the soldiers had been feeling the effects before they headed home, and still were thanks to the stash Steve had in the cabinet and beer fridge.

“You know,” Sam leaned back in his chair, “when you find out how far gone Katie is tomorrow, we’re gonna be able to figure out a point of conception.” “Yeah that’s generally how it works.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Well you better not have made that baby on my plane.”

“We never had sex on the jet.” Steve sighed.

“No, just dirty old warehouses in the middle of a mission.” Sam shot back.

“Did you have to bring that up?” Steve said exasperatedly.

“Oh now this I gotta hear.” Bucky grinned and turned to look at Sam.

“They left their coms on.” Sam mumbled “Trust me you don’t gotta…”

Bucky gave a loud bark of a laugh as Steve groaned.

“We just got caught up and…” He suddenly stopped, deciding he didn’t have to explain himself. Why the fuck should he? “You know what, I don’t care, have you seen her? I’d bang her every second of the day if I could, she’s fucking gorgeous.”

“Aww thanks baby, but five times in one night was quite enough thanks.” Katie said and all three men whipped round to face her as she quirked an eyebrow smirking, leaning in the doorway dressed as usual in a pair of shorts and one of his shirts. “It was one hell of a wedding night.”

“Five times?” Sam looked at Steve who flushed bright red, but couldn’t help but feel slightly smug.

“And that’s how many times we did it.” She continued as she walked to the fridge to pull out a bottle of water, turning to wink at Steve “Not how many times he made me see stars.”

Sam gave a loud laugh as Bucky grinned, a dirty snigger escaping from his mouth.

“I think I liked it better when you hated each other.” Steve said, glaring at them.

“Aww they picking on you baby?” Katie slid her arms round his neck from behind. He nodded, his hands rubbing over her forearms as they locked at the front of his chest.

“Big time.” He pouted.

“Come to bed and I’ll make it better.” She whispered into his ear and he turned as she straightened up and headed back out of the room. “Night boys.”

There was a pause as Steve looked at Bucky who was chuckling to himself, clearly having overheard.

“I’m gonna,” Steve watched Katie leave, and with that he drained his beer, stood up and headed after her.

Bucky eyed the bottle of alcohol in his hand before he turned to Sam. “Wanna go for a walk, find a bar? I’m in the mood for exploring my old neighbourhood a little.”

“Damned straight.” Sam nodded, standing up “The night is young Frosty. Unlike you.”

“Fuck off.” Bucky shot back, grabbing his jacket and smiling as he felt the leather in his flesh hand.

“Buck, you got a sec?” Katie asked, just before they were about to leave for the airfield.

Bucky paused and looked at Steve who simply gave him a smile. “She’s got something for you.” he said, ushering the kids down the hall with easy commands and large hands.

Bucky made his way into the living room and his mouth turned into a smile as Katie held out his leather jacket, the one he had wrapped her in when he pulled her from the Hydra base in La Ronde what felt like a life time ago.

“I believe this is yours.”

“You kept it?” he said gently.

“Of course I did. I just never had chance to give it you back until now.”

He took it from her, gently running his hand over the collar.

“I also never got chance to thank you for that day, what you did.”

“Anyone would have done the same.” Bucky shrugged, rubbing at the back of his neck in an action that reminded her very much of Steve.

“You sure?” Katie gave him a soft smile. “You headed deep into a base full of people who had once hurt you because someone was screaming for help. Someone, and you had no idea it was me. And even if you did, you didn’t know me. Not really.”

“No, but I knew what those bastards were capable of.” Bucky eyed her gently. “I wouldn’t ever leave anyone to suffer at their hands. I just wish I’d gotten there sooner.”

“Did Steve tell you what they did?” She asked gently.

“He doesn’t need to.” Bucky looked down.“Like I said, I know what they’re, what they were capable of.” “You’re a good man James Barnes.” She gave him a soft smile and then stepped forward to give him a hug. “You saved my life. And for that I’ll always be grateful, and so will Steve.”

Bucky smiled slightly as she slipped on the jacket and headed after Sam as they gently left the house, the door closing behind them.

*****

Upstairs, Steve’s hands were already all over his wife, gentle, strong, loving as he softly caressed her stomach, the place his baby was growing. He nuzzled into her neck as she preened at his touch, arching her back. She moved slightly so he could pull the shirt over her head before he gently took her face in his hands, thumbs skating over her cheekbones.

“I hope it’s a girl,” he whispered gently, dropping a kiss to her lips, “and she looks just like her momma.”

“Charmer.” She grinned as he kissed her again, the kiss growing urgent, Steve flicking his tongue over his wife’s lips before he moved to gently trail his mouth down her neck to the spot in between her collar bone, giving it a gentle nip and a suck. It was a well-practiced dance between the pair of them. After ten years of being with one another they both knew the spots to hit, the places to touch, the parts to tease that would undo the other. It was a familiarity, but one that would never get old. Steve would never tire of the way her finger tips trailed down his back, nails gently biting his skin as she made those delectable noises by his ear. Katie would never tire of the way Steve would softly trail every curve of her body, his hands and strong arms cradling her as he lavished affection on her that drove into her very soul, his mouth gently nipping at her neck, his gentle praises that made her keen with affection.

“I love you baby girl, you’re so good to me, so good.” The soft sheets of the bed rustled around them as Steve gently rocked into his wife, causing her to sigh and lay her head back, gazing up at him with a love and lust so deep it almost hurt him to see. He had never been worthy of this love, and never would be. But all he could do was love her back, the way he did, with every single breath he had.

His movements were slow, his hand gently moved to hook her leg around him, finding a deeper seat as he rocked forwards and back again and again, driving deep against her spot as her hands hooked around his neck, pulling him down to kiss her, deeply, softly as she moaned into his mouth.

“Come on baby,” he said gently, his lips moving to her neck, “atta girl, come on.”

Her back arched and her nails dug into the skin of his biceps as she leaned forward slightly, burying her head into the crook of his shoulder to muffle her cries as she came, tightening around him. He upped his pace, ever so slightly, chasing his own release and he came, his lips pressed to hers, a deep, satisfied moan bubbling from his throat into her mouth as his hips stuttered and he rest his forehead against hers, gathering his breath.  He suddenly realised he was led on top of her, his baby in her stomach and he went to move but she caught him softly, her hands straying to his shoulders as she smiled at him, her hands gently moving to rake up through his hair as she pressed a soft kiss to his mouth before she nipped his lip and he practically growled at her.

“Keep doing that,” he muttered “and I’ll be hard again in about five seconds flat.” “I’m counting on it.” She smirked, kissing him again.

*****

“I’m sorry, say that again?” Katie looked at Dr Kellet. The woman smiled and glanced back at her.

“Ten weeks.” She nodded “Give or take. Which makes your due date, roughly the 1st June”

Katie glanced at Steve who was frowning and she knew instantly what was bothering him. He was concerned about the fact she had been pregnant in the fight, and was worried that the snap would have done some lasting damage. Katie wasn’t as concerned, for some inexplicable reason she knew everything was okay and had instead diverted his attention to researching second pregnancies… which he had done with gusto.

The kids were in bed, Bucky and Sam were, actually, Katie had no idea where they were, not that it mattered, they were grown men. They were led on the couch, Katie down one side of the L shape, Steve on the other with his head in his wife’s lap as he glanced at the screen on his phone.

“It says here that you should feel them move sooner than the first time because you know what they feel like…” Steve said, grinning up at her. “Wonder if that means I’ll feel them sooner too?” Katie shrugged, smiling as she ran her hand through Steve’s hair. “No idea.”

“And you’ll carry it lower.” He continued. “Which according to this is a good thing as you’ll breathe easier and eat much more comfortably than you did last time. Although you might be doing the whole constant needing to pee thing sooner, but on the plus side labour is faster.” “Oh joy.” Katie sighed, her nails scratching his scalp slightly.

“And it says here you’re likely to start showing sooner.” A huge grin spread across his face. “I can’t wait!” He shifted slightly so that he was led on his stomach and his head crept under her T-shirt and his nose gently skimmed her lower belly. “Although last time when you started showing, it just looked like you’d eaten too many cheeseburgers…” Katie nipped his arm causing him to yelp out a laugh.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” Steve asked, drawing Katie out of her memories. “Because well, the snap and…”

Dr Kellet smiled and nodded “Your baby is perfectly healthy and normal, everything is perfect.”

Steve nodded, the worry he had instantly felt ebbing from his system and Katie gently laced her fingers between his and glanced back at the screen.

“Ten weeks…” she sighed “How on Earth did I not notice I was that far gone?”

Steve gently kissed the back of her hand. “Honey it doesn’t matter, don’t think on it. Don’t think on any of it.”

“I’ll get you a few copies of the photo.” Dr Kellet nodded.

“Have you had many others in, like this I mean?” Katie asked as the Doctor wiped the cold gel off her stomach “I mean, that have had babies back or…” “You’re the sixth one I’ve seen since everyone came back.” she smiled “Who knew?”

“Could be problematic,” Katie mused “I mean like, what if they are already pregnant again, or like, I dunno, dead against having kids now or…” “Katie…” Steve chuckled “Shut up.”

****

Armed with the two scan photos they headed home and were greeted by an excited Jamie who dragged the pair of them into the living room where he had been building a rocket out of lego with Bucky’s help.

“Everything okay?” Sam looked up from where he as prodding at Katie’s tablet, reading the news.

“Yeah,” Katie smiled, and she looked at Steve who grinned at his friends.

“Roughtly Ten weeks.” He answered the unasked question and Sam frowned.

“Ten weeks…” He mumbled as he did the same maths they had done in the car, a huge shit eating grin crossing his face. “So it was that time on the mission!”

“It’s kinda funny really.” Katie smirked. “Both of them were made through some pretty wild loving up against a wall.” Steve let out a sigh and he shot his wife a filthy look as both Bucky and Sam roared with laughed.

“What was against a wall?” Jamie asked, looking up at her and Steve let out a low groan.

“We’ll give you a minute.” Bucky smiled, standing up as he headed into the kitchen, followed by Sam, both passing Emmy who was returning with a drink for her and Jamie.

“Come here.” Katie settled on the couch and pat the seat next to her. Jamie scrambled up and ran over, jumping up beside her. Steve sat on the other side of him, and Emmy perched on the corner cushion. Katie looked over at Steve who smiled and turned so he was facing his son slightly.

“We have some news, buddy. Some good news.” He gently ran his hand over Jamie’s head “Your mom’s gonna have another baby.” “You’re gonna be a big brother.” Katie smiled as he turned to look up at her, his eyes wide.

“A baby?”

“Yeah.” Katie nodded.

“Isn’t that cool?” Emmy grinned and Jamie nodded before he frowned slightly before he looked back at his dad.

“Where is it?”

“It’s in your momma’s tummy.” Steve answered.

Jamie looked at Katie for a moment, before his frown deepened. “How did it get in there?”

Steve hesitated for a moment, his neck and cheeks flushing as he desperately thought about how he could explain this in a way that was suitable for a three year old’s ears. “Well, I…” “It got there because we’re a family.” Katie cut in, smiling. “And me and your dad love each other very much, so it’s kinda something that happens.”

“Oh.” Jamie nodded, and Steve shot his wife a smile as Jamie grinned. “So when is it gonna be here?”

“Not till early next year.” Katie smiled.

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“We dunno yet pal.” Steve smiled.

“I hope it’s a boy.” Jamie nodded decisively. Katie smiled at Steve before Jamie quipped up again “But I’m not sharing my room or my toys. I don’t like people touching my stuff.”

**** O/S: To The Stars And Back

Chapter 60

 **Original Posting**

[razieltwelve]

Chocobo Take The Wheel (Final Rose)

Sazh was screwed, and not in a good way.

The Osprey Mk IV transport was one of the most popular aircraft in the world. It featured four engines and boasted outstanding range, durability, and manoeuvrability. Its default sensor package wasn’t ideal, but it could easily be upgraded with more modern equipment. It could even be outfitted with weaponry although it wasn’t designed with combat as its primary focus.

All in all, Sazh would happily rate it as one of the ten most pleasant aircraft in the world to fly.

Normally.

Unfortunately, his current situation was anything but normal.

“Well...” Sazh stared at the instrument panel. “There goes Engine 1... and Engine 4... and Engine 3.” He sighed and ignored the cacophony of bestial cries echoing through the air as Grimm hammered away at the transport’s fuselage and clawed at the windshield. “On the upside, at least Engine 2 looks...” He trailed off as the green light on Engine 2 turned an ominous orange. “Never mind.” He took a deep breath and then turned in the pilot’s chair. “Vanille! We’re down to half an engine. You need to get at least one of the others back up and running, or we’re not going to make it.”

The fox Faunus lowered the heavily modified assault rifle she’d been shooting through one of the holes in the transport. “Seriously? There’s no way I can go out there and fix the engines with all the aerial Grimm flying around.”

Sazh bit his lip. She had a point. If she went out there alone, she’d never get the repairs done. The problem was that the only other person on the transport other than him and Vanille was Chirpy. After all, this was supposed to have been a quick trip to grab something from an archaeological dig site. The pickup had gone well enough, but they’d been swarmed by Grimm on the way back. Naturally, they’d been forced into one of the technological dead zones, so calling for help was basically impossible. 

The console in front of him blinked and then went blank. Great. They were now deep enough into the technological dead zone that his instruments had gone dead. On the upside, the engines should still be able to work... if Vanille could repair them. But to do that, someone would have to go out there with her.

For a moment, he considered sending Chirpy. The chocobo was certainly strong enough to protect her, but the aerial Grimm they were fighting made extensive use of ranged attacks. That would make it much more difficult for Chirpy, and there was a very real risk that they’d get swarmed since Chirpy wouldn’t really be able to retaliate if the Grimm kept their distance.

Hmmm...

“Hey, Chirpy,” Sazh said, waving the chocobo over. “I need you to do something for me...”

X     X     X

“You’re letting Chirpy fly the transport?” Vanille wailed as they ran across the Osprey’s wing. She got to work on the battered engine immediately as Sazh opened fire with both of his large-calibre machine pistols. "He doesn’t even have opposable thumbs!”

“He can control the yoke with his beak,” Sazh shot back. He blew apart three Grimm in quick succession and delved more deeply into his Semblance. His aim sharpened even further, and his eyes were suddenly able to anticipate the movements of his opponents while discerning weaknesses he’d missed before. “And he’s been flying with me plenty of times. All he has to do is keep us level while you work.”

Vanille didn’t both to reply. Instead, she gave a wordless shriek and began to kick the engine. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Sazh shouted.

“This stupid thing is jammed!” Vanille growled as she drew her leg back and kicked the engine again. “Some stupid Grimm got its stupid skull stuck in the stupid anti-gravity core and now the stupid gravity manipulation coil won’t turn!” Vanille landed another kick, and there was a sputtering whine before a low, harmonic hum filled the air. “There! Now, the stupid thing is working!”

“Good!” Sazh peeled off half a dozen more shots. A spray of Grimm spines rocketed toward them, and he grabbed the device at his belt and held it up. The sphere of metal unfurled into a large shield, and he winced as spines clattered off the makeshift defence. The Aura reinforced metal held up to the barrage, and he yanked the shield aside and went back to shooting. “Can you get the other engines going? We can make it out with just this one, but if we can get the other two up and running, we might have the speed to outrun these guys.”

“Well, we’re already out here...”

X     X     X

Sazh landed the transport at his ranch and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Good flying, buddy.” He patted Chirpy’s back. “Damn good flying.”

The chocobo chortled. “Kweh.” He was now the only chocobo in history to have ever piloted a transport, albeit only for ten of the most terrifying minutes of his life.

“The ground has never felt better,” Vanille cried, throwing herself to the ground and hugging the nearest rock. “We’re alive!”

“Sazh Katzroy.”

Sazh froze as his wife, Lahna, marched toward him with murder in her eyes. 

“You said you were going out on a short trip with Vanille. Now here you are with your transport looking like it’s gone through a war! Why is Vanille hugging a rock, and what’s that you said about Chirpy flying?”

“...” Sazh took a deep breath. “Well, honey, it’s like this...”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

Sazh never goes looking for trouble, but it has a way of finding him.

[apples-r-rubbish]

Institute (13th Doctor x reader) Part 5

Summary: You’re on the run, no doctor, no time.  Word Count: 2.4k AN: I’m going to be taking a lil break after the next chapter, just as I’m moving and I need time to adjust sorry -L x Warnings: none i think  Tags: @startrekkingaroundasgard @penguinwithitsarseonfire​

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3) (PART 4) (PART 6) (PART 7) (PART 8) MASTERLIST

Panic. Screaming. Wind. Noise. Fear. Tense breathing. More screaming. More panic.

“Hold on!” Graham shouted over the monstrous amount of noise. Ryan found a panel and somehow managed to fly the plane on his phone. You were too shaken to understand. O. The plane was finally level. The Master.  You were shaking. Nothing really sunk in. You blinked and you were helped off the plane by the worried trio. You snuck past the guards as Barton spoke to someone official looking. You were in Essex according to Ryan, and now that you were off the plane things had finally begun to fall into place within your mind. You were being stared at by everyone. 

“It’s hard not to stand out, when we look like this,” Ryan groaned frustrated at the suit

“We’ve just been on a night out and we’re going home, that’s all,” Yaz reassured a soothing voice trying to calm you all down. Your phone went off, as did the others. Cautiously you answered it. Barton. “Hello, friends. What, did you think I wouldn't be able to track you? We have your numbers, e-mails, GPS. I even know how many more stamps you need for a free coffee. So close, Ryan. Or should I say Logan? Look up.” You did as he said. On a screen above you all your faces were displayed, claiming you were dangerous. More cursing. “Your passports have been revoked, bank accounts frozen,” Barton continued “We have a record of everyone you know - friends, family, colleagues, everyone you ever followed on social media. Of course, we have cameras everywhere, and now you're wanted for hijacking. Go off the grid see how long you’ll last,” 

In a panic, Ryan smashed his phone, Yaz attempted to call her mum and Graham froze. “Oh and Yazmin is attempting to call her mum, how sweet,” He spat sarcastically. Yaz had rambled into the phone briefly for a second before Ryan grabbed the phone and stomped on it, he did the same with your phone and Graham’s. Then you ran. 

You had finally settled on a building estate, hours late. Bones aching, out of breath and tired.

“No CCTV we should be safe for now,” Graham said, clearly weary from the day. You filled into a half built house. You took a seat on a sort of wall as did the others

“How do we know we can trust you?” Ryan asked suddenly “We don’t know you. The Doctor trusted O, and he betrayed us, how do we know you won’t?”

“You don’t.” You replied shortly “I’m an outsider. You’ve seen me what? Twice before today? Three times because one of them hasn’t happened to me yet. You don’t know you can trust me. But you have to. If I wanted to turn on you, if I had malicious intent I would have ran off with the master, but I didn’t.”

“Who are you really? O said you were a missing person,” Yaz asked inner police woman jumping forward

“I am. Technically. I was recruited by people I know very little about to do a job, told me it was important so I took the role. Wiped me from my old life, gave me a new one,” “How come the Doctor didn’t recognise that person? Surely you would recognise someone like that?”

“Their species, they have a way of cheating death, burn up every cell in their body, change their face and who they are. The Doctor used to be a man, we have 12 other faces on file. The master also can do that, same species same thing,” 

“Who was he?”

“Well, do you remember Harold Saxon? That used to be him,”

“What- I voted for him!” Graham exclaimed

You examined the looks on their faces, “You want to know about my future don’t you, you want to put the pieces together, but she’s said you can’t tell me. One question won’t kill me,”

“You mentioned you were going to die on another planet? How would you know something like that?” Yaz wondered

“This, this interaction. Time isn’t linear. It’s more a big lump, as time travellers, we jump in and out at various points, things aren’t linear things can be changed and rewritten. Surely she told you that?”

“She doesn’t exactly tell us a lot. Who are you to her really?”

“I’m no one important, I think, I don’t know. I get pieces in passing. A bit like a conversation you aren’t a part of yet, just occasional whispers. Her late wife visited me once, and told me to keep track of everything. Keep journals and notes, telling me it would help make things easier, clearer. She was in a similar position, they met when she died and they kept meeting, bumping into each other, in the wrong order, fell in love, nearly destroyed the universe,”  You explained “The doctor trusts me and I trust the doctor. Good enough for me. Also we went on a date,”

“Since we’re admitting things, I stole some of the gadgets from MI6, I’m wearing the laser shoes. Before you ask, no I didn’t read the instructions,” Graham laughed

“I took the rocket cufflinks too,” Ryan smiled

“You utter doughnuts, all of you. But there’s no one I’d rather be on the run with,” Graham turned to you “Even you, you seem to know a lot and I trust you. You’re on the same wavelength as the Doctor and that’s good enough for me.”

“Did you hear that?” There was a noise, and light. Kasaavin. You stepped out the building one by one. 

“The shoe, use the shoe,” Ryan urged

“What?”

“Just stomp or something!” Graham did. A bolt hit a nearby streetlight.

“Your aim is terrible,”

“Graham, just dance.” He did and a few bolts hit the figures. You grabbed the others hands and ran.

The sun was coming up, you hadn’t slept for about 36 hours and whilst Yaz made a phone call, you and Ryan leant against each other in a desperate attempt to stay awake. She hung up suddenly as a car pulled up. Men stepped out, threatening you. Graham came up behind them and waved his laser shoe dramatically

“-and don’t make me do the soft-shoe shuffle!” He stated over dramatically, as you got into the car. You had decided to drive

“Are you sure you’re going to be safe? Driving, I mean, 36 hours is a lot-” Yaz began cautiously

“I’ll be fine. I once stayed a awake for a week on some planet so I could do my job, and the days were 25 hours, this is nothing,” You joked

“Can we go to the institute? Surely they’ll keep us safe?” 

“No, they won’t. Anything linked to present day criminal activity immediately gets you dropped. We deal with time, you so much as breathe wrong you’re dropped,” You explained, “We have to follow their GPS.” You sped off

The hanger was cold and empty. There was a single figure on a chair along with a stand and a screen, you rushed to it. 

“Is she still?” Ryan asked, not wanting to say the word. You checked for a pulse, she was cold. You shook your head, “No she isn’t. She hasn’t been for a while, a few hours, at most, I think.”  Barton appeared on the screen.

“Well done overpowering my people. But did you really think they wouldn't tell me? I have a significant announcement to make, and you, my friends, are two steps behind. As usual,” He mocked

“So what are you? Part alien or something?” Graham asked

“You really don't understand who I am. I build things. I test them. So I let them test a tiny part of me. And now it's time for the global roll-out. I'm proof of concept,”

“As the head of the Bad Wolf institute, I have to ask, what are you testing? Why don’t you stop with the theatrics and murder? Make my job the tiniest bit easier,” You asked, temper flaring

“Look after my mum.” The call ended. You went to hit the screen and decided against instead choosing to make a loud noise. 

“He killed his own mum,” Yaz breathed

“And abandoned her, in a hanger, to rot,” You stated, formal tone back. The screen came on once again, this time to an image of Barton giving a talk. 

“-We told you, of course your lives are private, of course your data's safe. And you believed us. You kept clicking Agree. And now, we can do anything. I can send a text to every device on this planet.”

“Something doesn’t make sense, I’m missing something, I’m being stupid. God why does lack of sleep does this,” You grumbled. A message flashed up on the screen. Humanity is over, you have three minutes to prepare. The statue started spinning. 

“Funny, right? Except, not a joke. We are way past peak human. We've created systems that are smarter and can run more efficiently than we do. So what's our purpose? We must be useful for something. Well, the data tells us we are. We can repurpose. Well, you all can. You know the most efficient type of hard drives on Planet Earth? Humans. Human DNA can store so much data. We're the perfect storage system, which means there are over seven billion potentially incredibly useful hard drives on this planet. All that's needed is to reformat the whole of humanity. Luckily, there's an app for that.” Barton chuckled, tone sinister.

The room was filled with light. The Kasaavin. The hangar door swung open. The master. 

“Move away. Now! I've just had the most infuriating seventy seven years of my life. Have you any idea how hard it is to live through the 20th century? The places I've escaped from. Still, just in time to watch you all pay.” He grumbled, he looked aggressive like a wolf ready to attack. 

“What is it? What the hell is that thing?” You asked, barely giving the others time to react

“Back with us I see? Aw shock was good look on you, shame the Doctor won’t get to see more of it,” He snarled “ If you must know, dear, it converts and transmits. We're transmitting Kasaavin energy around the world all at once into every device, hitting every human being and erasing all their DNA simultaneously. And it’s beautiful.” The energy grabbed Yaz, she couldn’t let go, you tried to pull her off, it wouldn’t move, she couldn’t budge.

“No use. It’ll take her, then you then you, and finally Miss Institute herself, a shame.” The machine stopped suddenly, the figures vanished.

“You were saying?” You replied smugly 

“Sorry. I’ll admit I was close,” The doctor. Relief washed over you. She entered the hangar followed by two other women.

“Two can play at embedding things in history. I knew the Silver Lady was important, and that you built it for a reason, but I couldn't work out why. So I traced its movements through history. And when I saw that Barton now owned it, we stopped by his office. Middle of last year, using your Tardis, I built a fail-safe into that machine. Planted a virus. If it ever detected the massing of a Kasaavin army within its systems - total shutdown,” She explained. The room glowed again, circling everyone. 

“Well Doctor, looks like you’re going to have to explain everything to them,”

“Look, I’ve rigged the Silver lady to send you back your own dimension. And that deal he made with you?” She pulled out her sonic and played a audio clip

‘Barton and these creatures do the dirty work, and once they're done, I get rid of them, having destroyed your precious human race in the process. Win-win-win.’

“Oh,” Was all the Master could manage to say

“Yes that’s your name, don’t wear it out,” She replied before the light increased. And with that the room was empty again, “Everyone alright? Everyone safe?” A chorus of yes sounded of from the group

“Miss me?” She asked a small but beautiful smile on her face, wrapping her arm around you

“Always,” You replied pressing a small kiss to her lip

“I hate to break up a sweet moment but I have questions. Who are they? And are we being replaced?” Graham asked

“Oh these are Noor and Ada, I’m dropping them off back in their timeline, like I could ever replace any of you.”

They were dropped off back in their respective times.

“So where to now?” The doctor asked, flipping a few switches

“The institute for me, I’m afraid,” You cringed, desperately wanting to stay

“What?” She suddenly looked up staring deep into your eyes, clearly hurt.

“I have to warm them, the Master is out there, and we have to prepare. We’ve barely managed to fix everything after the issues in 2015. I do want to stay, I truly do, but it’s hard and I have to look after them,” You avoided her eyes

“It’s ok I get it. Since we’re synced I can say this, whenever we meet up synced or not we have to go on a date, because we don’t know when it’s going to happen so we might as well enjoy it,” She wandered over to where you were stood

“Like time girlfriends?” “Time girlfriends,” She nodded. You kissed her cheek, and she smiled into it, hugging you tightly. 

“Miss you already,” You joked taking steps out of the TARDIS and back into your office the day that you left.

“Are you ok? You’ve been a bit distant recently,” Yaz asked, breaking the Doctor from her thoughts. It had been a few months, since they’d seen you as a group.

“I’m fine,” She replied shortly

“You miss her don’t you?” The doctor ignored the question continuing to focus on the random buttons she was fiddling with. “Look, why don’t you take us to visit your home?”

“Can’t. Shouldn’t. You’ll ask too many questions. It’s boring. Why do you think I ran?” She explained, her usual answers combining into one, “but yes I miss her,”

[wizardofrozz]

The Perfect Pair

Warnings: none (if I missed something let me know!)

Pairing: Loki x OFC

A/N: I want to thank everyone who read this and I hope you enjoyed it! ❤ 

_____________________________________________________________

Chapter 20: Epilogue

5 years later

(Violet POV)

A chilly breeze whipped against my face as I looked out over the never-ending forests beyond the castle; the rising sun was sparkling off the snow-covered trees as far as the eye could see. I nuzzled into the fur collar of my cloak, sighing at the softness, shifting my gaze to the valley below the castle. I watched Jotunheim start to stir as the first rays of sunlight washed over the realm, happiness bubbling in my stomach; I sighed, turning to walk across the bridge connected to the throne room. Faint voices drifted towards me, causing me to stop at the doorway; I leaned against the doorframe watching the two guards that stood in front of the throne, talking softly.

           “Very well. Update me as often as possible,” Loki huffed.

           “Of course, Your Highness,” one guard replied. The guards turned, a surprised look on their faces when they saw me standing in the doorway; they quickly bowed, smiling softly.

           “Hello, my Queen,” the second guard greeted.

           “Hello, gentlemen,” I smiled, bowing my head. Then, as the guards left the room, I turned my gaze to Loki, sitting on the icy throne across the room. He sat with his legs spread open, leaning to his left, eyes screwed shut as he massaged the bridge of his nose. Loki's onyx hair was windblown, making it a wild mess of curls that was a stark contrast to his powder blue skin. I quietly moved closer, admiring the patterns that matched my own that decorated his face and hands. “You look so stressed, my King.” Loki jumped, his eyes flying open, searching for the voice; as his glowing crimson eyes landed on me, his body language shifted.

           “You scared me, darling,” Loki laughed, getting to his feet. “I'm impressed.”

           “I learned from the best,” I giggled, wrapping my arms around his waist. Loki's arms rested on my shoulders as he gazed down at me, a soft smile spreading across his face.

           “How are you feeling?” Loki probed, his eyes sweeping over my face.

           “Loki, stop worrying,” I huffed, lightly smacking his lower back.

           “You're insane if you think that's going to happen,” Loki snorted. I laughed and shook my head, leaning into him as much as I could; I relaxed into him, listening to the steady beating of his heart as she carded gentle fingers through my hair. “Thor's going to be so excited.”

           “When is he supposed to be here?” I asked, moving back so I could see Loki's face.

           “At some point today. He didn't give me an exact time frame,” Loki huffed, rolling his eyes.

           “Really? That's so unlike him,” I quipped. Loki's laugh echoed through the empty throne room, making my heart swell at the sound until I felt a sharp pain. “Ow!” I hissed, reaching for my stomach in an attempt to soothe the pain.

           “Are you okay, my love?” Loki inquired, his voice slightly higher in concern. I nodded, still rubbing circles below my ribs, letting out a slight pained laugh.

           “I think your laugh makes them happy,” I chuckled as the pain receded. “Your child loves to hear your voice.” I looked up at Loki, biting back a gasp when I was met with the soft expression on Loki's face. A look of awe and adoration was etched into his features as he gazed lovingly at my stomach.

           “Do you ever wonder how we managed to get here?” Loki whispered, his hand gently resting on my bulging stomach.

           “Every day. Sometimes I'm waiting to wake up from a dream,” I mumbled, my voice thick with emotion. Loki looked up, meeting my eyes, love crashing like waves in his scarlet orbs. His free hand cupped the side of my face as he bent down, his breath warm against my lips.

           “I love you,” he breathed, our lips brushing as he spoke. It felt like the ground under my feet started to quake while simultaneously everything stood still when our lips met; my soul thrumming happily, sending warmth spreading across my skin.

           “I love you too, trickster,” I mumbled against his lips.

           “Your Highnesses?” a voice caught our attention.

           “Yes?” Loki called, looking over my head.

           “An unidentified ship has landed nearby,” the guard answered.

           “Thank you,” Loki replied with a nod.

           “I think Thor has a sixth sense,” I grunted, shaking my head. Loki's head fell onto my shoulder, a laugh bursting from his lips; Loki's laughter was cut off with a soft surprised sound.

           “Well, hello, little one,” he cooed, rubbing my stomach.

           “You can talk to them later. We should get to the ship before Thor's travel buddies start a fight, again,” I stated. I stood on my toes, pressing a kiss to Loki's cheek before grabbing his hand and pulling him from the throne room. We quickly found the sizeable orange ship not far from the front of the castle; warriors surrounded the ship, ignoring the irritated shouts from the ramp.

           “Don't you know who we are!” a gruff voice shouted. I noticed one of the giant’s heads was bowed as he looked down at the small, furry creature at his feet.

           “Rocket! Enough,” Gamora shouted.

           “Stand down!” Loki yelled. The army surrounding the ship slowly dispersed, returning to their morning activities, leaving an opening for us to get closer.

           “Took ya long enough,” Rocket grunted, trudging back to the ship.

           “Violet!” Gamora shouted, hurrying towards me as Loki approached Rocket. Loki walked towards the ship with Rocket, his head bent as he spoke to the small creature. “Oh!” Gamora's eyes bulged as her eyes landed on my stomach.

           “Shhh!” I whispered harshly. “We want to surprise Thor.”

           “Congratulations!” she whispered, hugging me close. “When did this happen? We were here not long ago.”

           “I started showing shortly after you left,” I giggled, smiling brightly at her.

           “Brother!” Loki yelled from the ramp, glancing over his shoulder at me. Gamora and I moved closer as a full-grown Groot walked down the ramp, waving at me with a smile. Draxx and Mantis wandered off the ship, lost in conversation, but waved half-heartedly before wandering into the snow. I waved back to the three of them but rolled my eyes as I heard the familiar argument coming from the ship.

           “I'm still the Captain!” Peter shouted angrily. “I decide where we go.” Loki stood next to the ramp, shaking his head; he met my eyes as I stepped up next to him, making sure I saw his dramatic eye roll.

           “Of course, Captain,” Thor replied, sarcastically adding emphasis. Peter grumbled as he walked down the ramp, shivering at the sudden chill in the air.

           “Loki!” Thor bellowed. Thor hurried down the ramp, pushing past Peter, almost knocking him off the ramp, to yank his brother into a tight hug.

           “Hi Thor,” Loki laughed, hugging his brother back. 

           “Where's-“ Thor stopped short when his eyes landed on me. “You're...”

           “Come on, big guy, you can do it,” I joked.

           “Yes!” Thor boomed, hurrying towards me. Thor gently wrapped his arm around my torso, hugging me close as he laughed. “Congratulations,” he whispered against my shoulder.

           “Careful, don't crush my wife,” Loki laughed. Thor released me from the hug and quickly grabbed Loki again, crushing him into another hug. “Thor,” Loki croaked.

           “Oh, sorry,” Thor laughed, releasing his brother. “When did this happened?”

           “Let's get back to the castle, and we'll explain,” Loki laughed again, smacking Thor's shoulder. Peter, Gamora, Rocket, Draxx, Mantis, and Groot joined us, smiling and giving us best wishes as well. The walk back to the castle was filled with Thor and Loki laughing and catching up again, Peter and Rocket arguing about nothing while Draxx laughed at them, Groot periodically touching trees, and Mantis and Gamora silently walking alongside me. 

           “He missed you both,” Gamora suddenly said with a smile. I glanced over my shoulder, my heart swelling as I watched Loki laughing freely at something Thor was saying.

           “We missed him too. I think Loki likes having him around more than he lets on,” I hinted with a smile.

           “I have a feeling we'll be here a lot more,” Gamora chuckled, glancing at my stomach.

           “I really hope so,” I sighed happily. Finally, we arrived at the castle, sending maids off to prepare breakfast, and gathered at the large table in the dining hall. Conversations filled the room as Thor, and the Guardians told us stories about their travels since the last time we saw them; Peter and Thor argued like usual, of course. I rested my hand on the table between Loki and me as Gamora told me about a planet they visited recently when a hand rested on top of mine. I glanced over at Loki, meeting his eyes; my heart swelled again at the bright, happy smile on his face. He gently squeezed my hand before turning back to Thor, nodding along to the story; I turned back to Gamora, smiling.

Maybe good does win in the end.

_____________________________________________________________

Series Masterlist

Taglist:

@criminalyetminimal​ @marvelfansworld​ 

[ecto-american]

Broken Ectoplasm C16

DannyMay themed story don’t bully me over it being WAYYYY past Dannymay 2019 I’m trying my best

Ectoplasm | Broken | Glass | Theory | Community | Eavesdropping | Worldbuilding | Accident | History | Shape shift | Puppet | Ink | Hands | Anniversary | Finals | Or Read on FFN or AO3. |

Day 23: Scream

There was a ghost kid in the hospital waiting for them. No, no, Danny was in the hospital waiting for them. No, Danny was in danger of another, no, of a ghost in the hospital. Well, was he, actually? His condition was bad, of course, but he had always been...impressive.

Man, this line of thinking was going to take a lot of getting used to.

"We shouldn't have left, we shouldn't have left," Maddie was mumbling to herself. Jack's eyes glanced towards his wife. She was rummaging through a bag of supplies, gathering what she needed to shove into her jumpsuit pockets. First aid, Danny's "green bull", various weapons and trackers.

"Hard right," he warned, and Maddie didn't even glance up as she gripped onto the overhead handle as Jack took a sharp turn. "We had no choice. It'll be alright. He'll be okay."

Maddie visibly relaxed.

"You're right. He's done this before."

They both immediately tensed up again. He's done this before. Neither of them spoke again as they nearly crashed their way into the hospital parking lot. As expected, it was chaotic. A flurry of a parking lot crowded with cars being flooded with people as those who could escape were doing so.

Jack didn't bother to park, just rolling as quick as he could to the entrance before slamming on the brakes. He didn't even fully stop when Maddie was already out the door, not even bothering to close the door. Jack was hot on her heels with all of his equipment in record time. They both slid out of the way as a nurse came rushing out, wheeling a patient in a chair out with her. The nurse nodded at them.

"Floor five," she told them, not stopping for any conversation as she made her way into the parking lot. That was Danny's floor.

They went inside, and it was near chaos Of course, it was full of people rushing to exit the building, while other parts were going into lockdown. Right after the Overshadowing Epidemic, the Fentons had helped this very hospital with anti-ghost measures. Supplying the security staff with basic ghost weapons, installing basic anti-ghost security measures in the form of emergency shields placed strategically.

Of course, it was just too much energy to run a ghost shield 24/7, especially in such an energy-demanding building like a hospital. And it would be foolish to only have one big shield, and thus the Fentons had optioned for a series of shields to allow the hospital to go into lockdown for this very situation. A lockdown that she could already tell was being put into place, as there was already a glowing shield blocking the entrance into the ER, and the distinctive sound of shields humming as they came to life several were loudly activated in unison.

"Fifth floor's got several shields," Maddie wasted no time, rushing for the stairs. She was already up a flight by the time Jack reached them. "We can block them in and catch the ghost."

"We should cut off their exit," Jack replied, quickly getting out of breath as he trailed behind her.

She was at the top soon after, and she was staring down at her tracker, patiently waiting for him as she gathered their location.

"They're in the hallway next to Phantom's room," Maddie told him as he finally hit the top of the fifth step. He dreamt of the day that the elevator would be consistently reliable and safe to use. Jack studied his mental memory of the hospital map, as well as the shields. This was far from their first call to the hospital for ghosts, but regardless: They never forgot where their shields were.

"How many?" he asked.

"Two, same location," she said. She squinted at the screen. "They're not moving."

"We should sneak around and block off their exit, then make our move," Jack told her. Maddie glanced up at him, worriedly.

"What if he's hurt Danny?" she asked. Jack's heart sank. Why was it so hard for him to match Fenton and Phantom? "We need to protect him above all."

"You're right," she whispered. She clutched the tracker tighter before handing it to him. "Go save our son. I'm going to block their escape, I can get to the shields faster."

Jack swallowed hard as he pushed the tracker to her. It was one thing when they were hunting ghosts, and whether they escaped or not was just a matter of property damage. But Danny's life was on the line.

"You go, Danny's more important, and you're a better shot," he insisted. Maddie forced the tracker into his hands, and he accepted it. There wasn't a whole lot of time to argue, and they would debate it afterwards.

"Be quick," he told her, and she gave a brief nod before they split up.

It wasn't until he made the first turn that he noticed how...unusually quiet it was for a ghost attack. Ghost fights were horribly messy and loud, as they used everything around them as a weapon and regularly did thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of property damage.

But he didn't hear anything even remotely close to a heavy object being thrown against the wall, or even feel the floor rumble as something was slammed into the floor. He could hear a few rushed scrambles, obviously doctors and patients going for cover. Every door he passed was closed, and the window blocked. It was eerie.

He tried to focus on tracking the ghosts, getting closer and closer with every hurried fast step. He didn't want to run. Jack wasn't exactly...stealthy, and despite intense anxiety about what he'd find, he still needed that surprise advantage.

Jack turned the corner, ready to face the horror that awaited him, only to instantly realize that nope. He was absolutely not ready.

Danny was tied to a gurney that was rocking and shifting from how much he was squirming and struggling to escape, the metal of the gurney being the background noise to muffled screaming. The bonds weren't anything from the hospital, something that looked ghostly and glowing. A familiar robot ghost was grabbing Danny's face, clutching it tightly as to hold him still. In his free hand, he held a large hunting knife and was...cutting.

The mechanical ghost was saying something in a low tone, a threatening one, but Jack couldn't make out what was being said. Not over...all the muffled screams. He was sure he didn't want to know. The way the ghost looked at the helpless teen scared him. It reminded Jack too much of himself. Of his molecule by molecule speech, of how often they talked of dissecting Phantom during dinner...right in front of Danny.

"Freeze, spook!" Jack ordered, and he made his presence known. He jumped over an overturned empty gurney, in the process nearly tripping.

The ghost snapped his head to Jack, glaring at him. Jack returned with a dirty look. With a quick fling of his wrist, the ghost threw his knife at Jack. He tried to dodge as it came for him, but it still hit his arm. Immediately he could feel blood gushing from a cut, and he instinctively slapped a hand over it. He held up his gun, putting his finger on the trigger to blast this menace to hell and back-

Only to hesitate. Oh fuck. This ghost had Danny. That was Danny on the gurney, not just Phantom. Jack swallowed nervously as he tried to quickly scan for his wife. No use. No sign of her. He couldn't take the shot. Not with Danny being so close and his terrible aim, nor with this ghost being within hurting distance of his son.

Skulker did not hesitate. He held his fist up, and netting fired off at him. Jack shifted, barely managing to miss. Despite shaky hands, Jack shot at the ghost in return. The other dodged with lightning speed, hitting the edge of the gurney. Jack's stomach dropped, watching it spin in a half-circle before toppling over. He really, really had to work on his aim sometime.

Skulker gave a chuckle.

"Hunter versus hunter," he lightly mused. "Of course though, it won't be much of a fig-" Skulker was cut off by a hard punch to the back of the skull that pushed him forward a bit. Jack glanced at the gurney, seeing one of the straps broken.

Skulker was already turned around and punched Danny in the stomach, sending the teen backwards. Jack winced hard, put forced himself to aim his weapon. He watched nervously as the fight truly began. He never had to worry about who to hit. Ghosts were ghosts, and the weapons didn't hurt humans, and even if they did, people normally had scattered long ago.

Jack watched a flurry of fists and kicks occasionally blinded by ghost rays flashing. He decided to take his chance, and he fired a shot. He hit the other ghost, forcing the fight to give each other space.

The other ghost put his fists up in front of him, and the metal on his arms and shoulders shifted to expose multiple rockets, all targeted at him. Danny paled, and he turned to seemingly fly behind cover.

But one of the shields had, at some point, been activated. Danny had froze, turning back to face them. Jack hurriedly fired off several shots and just relying on pure luck and a prayer that he wouldn't hit Danny. None of them hit Danny, thankfully, and a few even hit the intended target. Only Danny…

That flash of bright light he saw earlier appeared at his son's waist, and a flash later, he saw the familiar sight of his son hurriedly jumping backwards through the shield just as all the rockets were fired.

The rockets hit the shield in a series of bright explosions. When the smoke cleared, Danny was just silent, staring with wide eyes as he panted heavily, his chest heaving. He was in the shirt and jeans Jack saw him go off to school in just the day before. The injuries had transferred over, resulting in noticeable bruising, deep cuts and more visible of all, red blood that was oozing through his shirt. The sound of feet quietly hurrying towards them snapped Jack out of it, and apparently Danny too. Danny got back to his feet, making a rush back towards the shield, body slamming the ghost and sending him back. Scraps of the metal suit began to fall onto the ground with every hit.

Jack shuffled out of the way. A flash later, and Danny was once again Phantom, just in time for Maddie to turn the corner.

"Jack, the thermos!" she immediately shouted to him. She already had her weapon up, and she blasted at the ghost too.

Jack fumbled in his pockets for the container he was responsible for, quickly finding it attached to his hip. He opened it, and he activated it. The beam of light came out soon after, engulfing Skulker and soon, he was gone. Leaving just the family together, breathing heavily.

"Oh, Danny, are you okay?" Maddie wasted no time pulling Danny to her in a tight hug. Danny's head rested against his mom, exhaling hard with a disturbing bubbly tone to it. He leaned into her a bit more, forcing Maddie to shift so that she could pick him up. She pecked his forehead, but her expression soon fell into concern upon seeing him.

"Jack, get a gurney please," she told him. Jack picked up the gurney Danny was on earlier, turning it back onto its wheels and pushing it towards her.

He held it still as Maddie put Danny back onto it, the teenager wheezing hard. As soon as he was resting on it, Maddie had had gauze from the first aid section of her belt out, pressing it against oozing green ectoplasm that overflowed from Danny's neck. A deep, intense slash across his throat and a jagged cut that went down to the collarbone before it had stopped, a disturbing parallel to the clean slice of the previous...attempt.

"Jack," Maddie's voice snapped him out of it. "Do a quick sweep, make sure there's no other ghosts. I'll alert the staff in a moment."

"R-right." Jack stared for a moment as Maddie gently and expertly began to clean up Danny's neck. He could hear her softly speaking comforting phrases to him, interrupted by the deep wheezing coming from Danny.

He forced himself to turn away and look back down at the ghost tracker in his hands. Nothing, and he tapped it and held it up to make sure. Still nothing, and he walked around his family, staring. Still no sign of ghosts. Well, aside from the one obviously under their care.

"I don't see anything," Jack reported. He took a few steps down the hallway towards Danny's room. The door had been torn off the hinges, and the hospital room was a mess. The bed was flipped, and there was ectoplasm on the floor, some splattered on the walls. The IV stand was broken in half, and the wall itself was exposing the warm air outside, rubble littering the inside of the room.

Somehow seeing it...seeing the actual physical change from Fenton to Phantom...made it feel even more intensely real. He had suspected ever since he found out that the light was how he? Changed? But to suspect it and to see it was different. It was the very last solid confirmation of what he had already found out, and it was a bit unnerving.

He took a few steps forward to look out of the view. Danny had a fairly average view of the city, though the window's curtain was drawn to prevent anybody from potentially being able to see him, even though he was on the fifth floor. Jack could see groups of people huddled worriedly in the parking lot, as well as cop cars that had pulled up onto the scene. He saw a pure white car pull in too, no flashing lights, but the duo who exited wore white suits, and his heart sank. Least the ghost was contained, but the GIW was a much bigger concern.

Jack jerked his head down as his tracker lightly beeped. A ghost had entered their range. He watched the dot enter the tracking radius and stop. It remained there for a moment before completely disappearing off the radar. Huh. He could only assume it was a ghost passing by, but that didn't quite feel right. Most ghosts didn't seem to just hang out or pass by anywhere.

"We got company," Jack called out. He watched the police begin to handle the crowd as several GIW agents began to enter the building.

He returned to the hallway, seeing that a nurse had come out and was finalizing putting a white sheet over Phantom's form to avoid the publicity.

"We're moving him to Room 545," Maddie told him, and Jack gave a light nod as he scurried along after the pair to the room.

"Is anybody hurt?" Jack asked the nurse. She shrugged.

"We don't know for sure yet," she replied.

They quickly reached the room, and the nurse opened it for the Fentons to help her roll him in. The nurse stared intensely at the two, keeping the door open.

"I'm really sorry to do this to you," she began, and Jack already knew exactly what she was going to say.

"We're staying," he insisted.

"We're the only ones who know how to deal with a patient like him!" Maddie added.

"You don't have to leave, but I'm afraid I can't leave you alone in the room with him," the nurse explained. It finally clicked that she was staring at the weapons strapped to them, as well as the tracker tucked under Jack's arm and the ectoplasm-covered gauze Maddie was holding in her hand for now. The couple said nothing, giving each other a light glance. The nurse sighed lightly. "Please don't make this difficult. You just have to wait outside until the doctor gets here."

Jack noticed Maddie's lower lip quiver slightly in worry. Neither wanted to leave him. But it would be too weird or suspicious to fight it. Jack gave a nod, and he slowly sulked out of the room. Maddie stayed standing where she was for a moment, staring back at the nurse before reluctantly following her husband.

The nurse shut the door behind them, and they could hear the click of the nurse locking it as she was left alone to care for Phantom.

"Did you see that cut?" Maddie immediately brought up. Jack just gave a half-nod. "It's awful. The ghost wanted to really kill him." Jack rubbed the back of his neck.

"This ghost wants to skin him," he reminded her. Maddie's face scrunched up in disgust. "I wish we knew why."

"I do too," she sighed, and she paused. "Do you hear that?"

Jack glanced around, keeping his ears on high alert. Indeed, he could hear a faint, angry and familiar voice as it came closer and closer. He already knew it was Vlad before the billionaire turned the corner, hot on the heels of Ohmer and Dr. Carrington, the lawyer holding files to her chest as the doctor was wheeling a medical cart with various supplies resting on it next to her. The pair were walking towards them, Vlad nearly yelling in their ears as Vlad's own lawyer duo was keeping pace behind him, both looking fairly neutral about the situation.

"...and I will sue this hospital if you do not let me into this room, do you not understand? I have rights, and this is my child. I entrust my only child to this dump of a hospital, and you don't even have the proper anti-ghost measures to keep him safe? I demand you transfer him to my hospital, where he can actually get halfway decent medical care rather than you hacks."

"Mr. Masters, until we get that test back, we cannot assume you are the legal guardian, we've been through this." Ohmer sounded tired. Jack and Maddie scooted off to the side as she got to the room, and she knocked. "It's Ohmer and Dr. Carrington." The nurse opened the door, and Vlad tried to go inside, only to be blocked by Ohmer putting her arm out in front of him. "I will call security if you do not comply with the hospital rules."

Dr. Carrington was able to slip past them and into the room with her cart, shutting it behind her. The familiar lock clicked, and soon as it happened, Ohmer pressed her back to the door.

"I will have your job and make it so that you cannot work anywhere within the state of Illinois again!" Vlad threatened. "You and that idiot doctor and every single damn employee of this hospital, from the chief of medicine to the cleaning staff."

"Mr. Masters, you will not talk about my wife like that, and Mr. Phantom is undergoing treatment right now," Ohmer's tone was getting more and more snappy. Jack and Maddie silently watched. "He is not taking visitors of any kind at this time. I cannot legally let you take him home until he is discharged, and not without you proving your parental status."

Vlad's face was red with anger, and he began to explode into another ramble that Jack could only barely make sense of between all the long, legal jargon he used. Every time Ohmer tried to speak up to calm him down, he would cut her off with a thinly veiled insult that followed up with a threat to her job. After a minute, she just stared at him as he just continued on and on with his verbal tirade.

Why was Vlad so focused on having Danny? It was odd, and it was incredibly concerning. What did Vlad want with Phantom? Especially using the claim that he was Phantom's father? It was becoming creepier and creepier.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jack noticed two people hurrying down the hallway towards them, both in matching attire.

"By order of the Guys in White, we are placing Phantom under arrest, now, and are bringing him in for questioning," Agent K growled angrily, pulling his badge out as he walked quickly towards them. Agent G was hot on his heels, fumbling but also producing his badge.

Ohmer closed her eyes tiredly, rubbing them with the palms of her hands. The Fenton adults felt bad for her. This poor woman needed a raise.

[dirt-cup-draco]

Draco x Reader- Caged

could i request an angsty draco x reader where they get into a fight right before the battle,, and draco chooses to stay with hogwarts and voldemort tries to kill him but the reader jumps in front of him last minute and somehow survives? super angsty but fluffy ending please 🥺

A/N: IM GOING TO BE HONEST. I completely forgot the fluffy ending once I started writing. I am sorry for what you are about to read only because I even made myself a bit sad.

Draco’s silver eyes were filled with fear as he held you close, hands warm and shaking against your hips as his heart pounded against your chest. Nuzzling his forehead against yours he let his heavy eyelids shut for a second, eyelashes brushing against your cheeks. “Promise me you’ll be safe?” He begged, tugging you closer. His voice was only a whisper. 

You chewed nervously on your lips, arms strung around his shoulders, fingers tangled in his shining locks. “I’ll be safer with you by my side,” You croaked, voice hoarse and eyes stinging as tears threatened to fall. 

Draco’s breath hitched and squeezed your hips tighter, trying to ground himself. He shook his head, nose bumping against yours, lips so close. Even being near to the one he loved most didn’t bring comfort. “You know what I have to do... Please, just let me do it. It’s the best option, the only option,” 

“I don’t care!” You whined, moving your head to lie in the crook of his neck. “I don’t care what sort of option it is, I can’t have you risking your life. I can’t lose you,” 

Draco smiled softly, letting his fingers run through the silky tendrils of your hair.  “Aren’t we all risking our lives in one way or another? I don’t want to lose you either but if I side with Potter then I am putting you and my mother at risk... Whatever happens to me, happens. But the world needs Y/N Y/L/N. Let me do this for you, for us,” He begged as you pulled away, his hand snatching yours. He wasn’t ready to be parted. 

Your eyes were burning with tears, the collar of his shirt damp from the few that had escaped and were continuing to run down your cheeks. “The worlds need you too, I need you. If you go to him then you are damned... Why not fight for what’s right?” 

“More is at stake than my life...” Draco tried to get you to see reason. If he stuck by you, then you would be cast under the same deadly shadow as him and Voldemort would not be merciful. Of course he hoped that the future would be brighter once the war ended, but for now he needed to risk his reputation so that you could stay safe. 

“You already said it Draco,” You fought back, “We are all risking our lives anyway, why not be by the people you love? A-and your mother! She can run, your father will take care of her. Please do the same and let me take care of you, let me protect you,” Your hands were back in his hair, brushing the unruly tendrils from his eyes that had dimmed significantly since the first time you had first seen Draco Malfoy, a beautiful, if obnoxious, eleven year old boy without a care in the world. 

“Damn you,” Draco cursed with no conviction as he sagged against you. “I-I’ll stay with you if it’s what you want, but at the first sign of any danger I need you to promise that you will get out of there and go wherever is safest. Promise me and then I will stay,” 

“Nowhere is safe,” You pointed out and Draco squeezed your shoulders hard as he forced you apart from him, eyes burning in yours. 

“Promise me,” He demanded. “I won’t let you lose your life because of me,” 

“I promise,” You finally conceded, kissing him like it could take away all the wrong in the world. 

“Thank you,” Draco sighed against your lips. “I love you,” 

You hadn’t known that the last time you would kiss him would be with a lie sitting sour in your mouth.

-- 

Lucius could see that Draco was glued to your side, unwilling to fall into Voldemort’s open arms. His grip on his wife tightened. “It’s time for us to go,” He whispered low, eyes following the Dark Lord as he stood before his followers and enemies, for anyone who didn’t side with him was an enemy. 

“But-” Narcissa argued but Lucius silenced her with another squeeze to her quivering shoulders. 

“He cannot be used as a pawn, which means our deaths, we must go,” Lucius hissed and his wife slowly came to the same understanding as he had. If Draco was loyal to Voldemort, then they would remain loyal as well, the threat of their only son’s possible death motivation enough. Yet, Draco had made his decision to stand against Voldemort and that meant they needed to make one as well. 

Even if they were dedicated to- trapped by- Voldemort’s cause now, who was to say they would be for much longer? Voldemort was intelligent, knowing more than most how powerful love for a child could be. Narcissa and Lucius would become examples to Draco for his refusal. “Let us before, before they realize,” Lucius instructed, eyeing his fellow death eaters and feeling none of the kinship he once had as a young member. 

With one final glance towards her son, Narcissa vanished with her husband, having disapparated from the war zone. 

--

You had looked away for just a second but that had been long enough to lose Draco. Chaos had erupted, spells and hexes and unforgivable curses flying through the air as everyone fought for their own lives and for the future. Death Eaters were killing their children’s friends, boys and girls were killing adults they had never met once in their lives. Some of the younger students stuck near to the teachers, not knowing spells advanced enough to get them out alive. 

“Draco!” you screamed through the din of Hogwarts crumbling. Your eyes burned with the dust that had accumulated, the debris sending plumes of it up into the already stifling air. 

You ran past people you considered friends and men you knew to be your enemies. You dodged spells and cast your own, heart pounding with a a rhythmic beat that felt like a prelude to a death march. 

Finally spotting a familiar shock of platinum your legs rocketed forward but nearly buckled when they saw what faced Draco. Voldemort was standing not ten feet from him, wand held by skeletal fingers. Two death eaters flanked him and they pulled out their own weapons once they saw you arrive. 

“Get out of here,” Draco bit out, not needing to turn around to see that it was you. He could smell your perfume even if it was muffled by the tang of sweat and the gritty blanket of dust that covered you. 

“No,” You said simply, reaching for his hand. 

Draco’s heart dropped. You had promised, damn it!

Voldemort began to laugh, thin lips stretched across his features as his yellowing teeth made an appearance, jaw opening wide as if he was a snake. It was unnerving, his laughter sent chills down your spine and the look of him was inhuman. “It appears I will be killing two birds with one stone tonight,” 

Your heart was stuck in your throat. “Y-You mean your men will be killing tonight. You wouldn’t do it yourself, coward,” You provoked him to tear his beady eyes away from Draco. 

“Y/N,” Draco hissed low in the back of his throat, “Don’t,” 

“You’re just a scrap of what you used to be,” You continued, ignoring how Draco squeezed your hand uncomfortably, blunt nails digging into your clammy palm. “For hell’s sake, an infant destroyed you. How does that feel? To know that one boy, one insignificant boy has ruined everything you are, year after year ever since the day he survived,” 

Voldemort’s sickening grin grew into a scowl and the veins began to stand out through his pale complexion. His grip tightened on his wand. “You know nothing of the horrors I have wreaked on this pathetic world, girl. His voice grated against your nerves like nails on a chalkboard but you kept your shoulders square, eyes forward. You took half a step forward, Draco didn’t notice. 

“It will be a pleasure to kill you,” Voldemort continued. “I will find far more pleasure in killing you before your heart even stops beating. There isn’t only one way to end someone’s life,” 

Your eyebrows drew together in confusion for only a second before Voldemort was facing you, wand pointed directly between your eyes. With a flick of his wrist you found yourself immobilized, eyes stuck open as your body went stiff as a board. Your hand was stuck around Draco’s but the comfort had vanished. Your stone like body had rendered him stuck with you even as he tugged violently. 

Draco lifted his wand to mutter a counter to your petrified state but with another flick from the bony wrist of He Who Must Not Be Named, his wand was flying high into the sky and far out of reach. 

Despite your state, words unable to come from your frozen throat, Voldemort’s attention was on you. “Who is a coward?” He asked only once before with a vicious grin he was pointing his wands toward Draco. Your boyfriend was still trapped, struggling against you and fear in his eyes. 

“I-I can still free us,” He promised, not realizing the danger he was in. You tried all you could but your hand was still frozen around his fingers, unrelenting in their grip. You were caged in your body and nothing would budge. Your key was Draco’s wand that lay too far away. 

This was nothing like when you and your third year friends had been goofing around, freezing students on their way to classes, knowing the effects would wear off in minutes. Voldemort was skilled and you had no idea how long you would be frozen. You couldn’t even cry, you realized. Your mind was screaming and pounding against every nerve that had been shut down. Begging for something, anything, to shift and set you free. 

Draco was still struggling, promising he’d help you when Voldemort cried, “Avada Kedavra!” He didn’t have time to move, didn’t have time to prepare as the curse hit him, his silver eyes flashing once as they found yours. Then, the spark was gone and Draco Malfoy was hanging limp by your vice grip. Dead. 

You watched as Voldemort grinned, prepared to be next. Yet, the beast turned on his heel, his men following after him as you were left in your place, clinging to Draco. 

“I can still free us, we won’t be stuck here Y/N, just give me a moment,” Draco had been saying before his voice had been stolen from him. He didn’t even see death sneaking towards him, he had only been focused on making sure you were okay. 

Your eyes were fixed forward, unblinking. Yet you could feel the boy you loved growing cold in your hand, his weight heavy against your stiff leg. To see him might be too much. Within the prison that your body had become you were throwing yourself against the cage of your bones, screaming at the muscles and nerves to just fucking work.  

He can’t be dead. I just need to move and see him and he’ll be fine, he’s just unconscious, he’s fine. You kept telling yourself, even if you knew it wasn’t true. Draco’s still alive, my lovely Draco is still alive. 

You would be found by McGonagall once Harry rose from the ashes victorious, your weak body collapsed on top of Draco’s lifeless one. She’d bite her tongue, dragging you up with a strength she had to force. “Come now dear, there is nothing more we can do,” She’d say but you would only be able to reply with one truth that would haunt you every day for the rest of your life.

“It was my fault,” 

Over and over, as the years passed. The same four words as you were forced into St. Mungo’s with no argument, sitting stagnant and letting other’s keep you alive, your own will gone. 

After all, there was more than one way to end someone’s life.