#the road through the woods
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Pretty proud of how far I’ve come this year
#I have struggled with crippling anxiety for a long time and this year I really wanted to overcome it and become more independent#like#I used to be absolutely terrified of leaving the house#things like driving and going places alone would make me have crazy panic attacks#but this year I’ve done a lot and I’ve overcome a lot and gained so much confidence#I’ve flown across the country twice this year#driven on some pretty intimidating roads like the highway and freeway#gone on solo bike rides for miles through the woods#eaten tons of new foods#I know those sorts of things might seem very simple and normal everyday things#but I have ocd and it can make my anxiety pretty bad#it can also make a lot of my fears rather irrational#likes like trying new foods and going new places are genuinely intimidating for me#bc it makes me feel like I’m going to die lol#but I’ve done ALOT of things I was scared to do#I’ve come along way#and it may seem like boring basic stuff to some people#but considering I couldn’t leave my house two years ago without panicking to the point of losing feeling in my hands and feet#I think I did pretty good lol#I’m starting to feel like a confident person again#I’m starting to feel like I can LIVE again#and it’s pretty nice#just wanted to write this out somewhere lol that’s all#maybe it will be helpful for anyone struggling in similar ways#to see that improvement is possible#lol anyways happy November#mae rambles
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#thelastdayalive#usermichi#alan wake 2#alanwakeedit#videogameedit#alan wake 2 spoilers#*gifs#this road.mp3#i once had a night road trip through the woods and it really feels like you're in a parallel universe#and the woods looked almost like this but with more pines cuz it's a pine country out here#idk if the flickering is from everything being wet or my video card being a d!ck
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i love driving on perilous roads at night when it's just me and my good friend Cars Behind Me
#oh cars behind me... we're really in it now...#the only parasocial relationship i ever feel or indulge in is the bond i have with cars driving behind me on a single lane highway#it was so dramatic and for what...#me leading the procession in the dark and fog and snow with my highbeams on.#them following behind me and taking none of the many chances to pass me when i offer them <3#following me like lambs to their shepherd through the pitch black woods#WE FORMED A WARRIORS BOND ON THE ROAD THIS NIGHT.#we made it through the mountains Together!!!#the comfort of their warm headlights in my rearviews was Unparalleled#ah... is this what Company feels like...#absolutely unprompted#i. i may be mentally unwell im realizing#< twas a jest! i've known the whole time#ohhhh and its starting to rain real hard... yes... i need this...#AND I STILL HAVE MUCH HAZELNUT MILK TEA LEFT!!! HUZZAH!!!!#its so good. creamy and roasty and nutty. mm.#still next time i'll have to track down a different boba shop that has my favorite milk tea flavor. i miss it!
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only one person I think will know what I mean by this but I lived about a mile up the Talkeetna Spur in 2019 having a fire that big and destructive burning along the Parks was SCARY
#the scariest part for me though was the feeling of being trapped. like... the only other way to get to wasilla/palmer/anchorage#is a 7 hour trip up through Fairbanks and back around#like... if the parks is cut off how do you access medical care?#the Alaska road system is uh. not great 👍#Lu rambles#re: my last reblog#not doxxign myself bc 1) I don't live there anymore and 2) there is SO much along the tka spur like you think it's just woods?#WRONG. fifty bajillion houses and cabins
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(ー_ーゞ
#god the people on twitter make me want to bash my fucking head against a wall#you know the characters you love can have flaws and make bad decisions right!!!!!???????????!!!!!!#that doesn’t equate you to them or make you bad for liking them honey!!!!!!!!!#you don’t have to forsake your critical analysis and media literacy skills to do mental gymnastics and jump through hoops to justify your#liking of said character!!!!! believe it or not you can like them for WHATEVER reason you want and it has absolutely nothing to do with your#real life morals :o shocking i know.#this is about sunday btw lmfao#i just knewwwwwww there were gonna be people trying to absolve him of all culpability#like was sunday groomed by gopher wood??? YES!!!!!!!! absolutely 100%!!!#was sunday merely some puppet with absolutely zero autonomy and NO thoughts or ideals or values of his own???????? NO!!!!!!!!!! my god!!!!#and denying sunday’s (limited!) autonomy does such a fucking disservice to his character#sundays autonomy within his religious grooming is exactly what makes him such an interesting character#sunday is literally the embodiment of ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’#ugh#come onnnn people#clari complains#>.>#ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ#<- me throwing a fit
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I hope they roast the inquisitor a little in Veilguard for some of the stuff they had us doing lol like "ooo nooo darkspawn! let's put some little boards over the holes they're coming out of - that'll hold 'em!"
#the first time I played the game that made me pause the game and start ranting LMAO#WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOME THIN ASS PLANKS OF WOOD#the warden-commander had to get a big ass vault door to stop the darkspawn getting in through the deep roads in Awakening and was still lik#“that's not going to hold for long"#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age
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This Time
Found it! By popular request (@sleepy-sheep-inn @gryphonablaze @lil-dabbler), here’s the story about someone years after a portal fantasy adventure.
740 words
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I hated driving this route. But part of me was still drawn to it, with a kind of sickly anticipation that hadn’t been completely ground down by the years of disappointment. Maybe this time would be different. Maybe I’d see more than trees and ferns and long, winding road.
Maybe this time I’d feel the thrum of magic in the woods, smell the crackle of ozone, hear the distant bugle of a dragon calling me home.
This world wasn’t my home anymore. Hadn’t been since I was thirteen — the first time I was thirteen. The second time, I had to relearn how to move in a body that was soft and small, with no scars. A body that had never lost a hand to mage-fire.
I tried not to think about it now, clenching my right hand harder on the steering wheel to prove that it was there. Of course it was — why would I think there was anything wrong with it, and why was I using my left hand so much now? Hadn’t I been right-handed as a kid? I shrugged off people’s questions, claiming to be learning to use both hands just for fun. I didn’t really care if anyone bought it.
There were a lot of things I didn’t care about now.
Like the work conference I was driving north for. I’d tried to weasel out of it, but no dice. I was stuck taking the highway through the redwoods again, on a gray afternoon that had rained once and probably would again. I scowled at the wet forest as it rolled by. Checked the gas level, turned the radio on, then off again.
I wanted a distraction, but…
If I missed something because I was listening to crappy music, I’d never forgive myself.
Three more turns in silence, with no other cars on the road, and I slumped in resignation. Sighed. Opened all the windows and slowed down, taking deep breaths and listening for all I was worth.
The air was rich with damp bark, wet mulch, and the tang of wet asphalt. The redwood trees stood brown-black under feathery green leaves. Blank sky peeked through, that kind of grayish that makes it look like someone took an eraser to all the blue, or dropped this part of the world into an empty void.
If only. I could probably find my way home from a void.
I shook my head, wanting to close the windows on the breeze that carried only normal Earth scents. But of course I didn’t. As hard and pessimistic as I fancied myself to be, there was still a spark of childlike optimism, the last remnants of the determination that everything will be okay because I say so that had helped save a world years ago.
All it did for me now was open old wounds.
Specks of rain pattered onto the windshield, some finding their way onto my sweater and cheek. I pulled in one last lungful of rainy-weather smell and fumbled for the window buttons.
Wait. What was that scent? It was faint, but familiar. I knew I was deluding myself, but I froze and drove even slower. Stuck my head out into the raindrops and breathed deeply.
Phoenix musk. It couldn’t be. Aside from the obvious impossibility, this forest was far too wet for a firebird to tolerate—
The echoing hoot of an offended phoenix made me stomp the brakes with everything I had, jerking the wheel to send the car skidding into the ferns. I was out the door in a heartbeat, standing in the road and casting about desperately. Everything was quiet except for the tap of rain and the click and hiss of my car’s engine cooling down. I stepped away from the car, moving with heel-to-toe stealth like I was avoiding enemy sorcerers. My right arm rose of its own accord, as if the casting-crystal prosthesis was there ready for battle. I consciously dropped my hand to my side and listened.
Nothing. Nothing.
Then a chirp and a murmur and a snap that I felt more than heard, and a rush of heat as magic flowed toward me like water to the roots of a dry tree. Humming filled my head.
I broke into a grin and dashed into the woods, plowing past wet ferns with abandon, not caring if the water on my cheeks was from rain or tears.
“Wait for me! I’m coming!”
#my writing#I wrote this years ago#*Stitch voice* 'Yah. Still good.'#portal fantasy#and what comes after#as someone who grew up reading books about that sort of adventure#and who took road trips through woods like these every year#this one still means a lot to me
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#was driving home late tonight (almost midnight) down an empty road in the woods#passed a car going the other way and it ran off the road and through the guardrail right as we passed each other#totalled. in a ditch. shredded the guardrail#pulled over and ran up as the guy was stumbling out only to see#that there was Evidence tape on all his doors#HUH#sat w him until emts arrived#guy was pretty banged up but could walk. was worried he was gonna run for it and pass out in a ditch#but uh. dunno what he was up to but good luck out there man#also turns out the cop (acab) who took a statement from me grew up in the town next to mine#(which is on the clear opposite side of the country)#soupposting
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if i had a nickel for every time i listened to a song and that song had a lyric which perfectly aligned with my oc lore, i'd have 2 nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice.
#yapping#and. i am talking PERFECT.#like yes !! they did break up on a tuesday actually !!!#and yes !!! driving on the 101 aimlessly !!!!#you know !! the 101 road from oregon to california !!!#the one that jocelyn drives down !!! like in my oc lore !!#(i've been re-listening to jp saxe recently)#(so many of his songs are laurelyn coded like WOW)#laurie wood#jocelyn smith#gravity falls#chat i'm so normal about these two i swear (lies)#oc tag#through the woods verse
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This is how I feel about the LS premiere.
#911 Lone Star#I'm excited AND scared#Also throwing in a little Into the Woods reference there#Just for fun#Season 4#Jesus take the wheel#Take it from Tim's hands#Cuz if he does this on his own#I might hate Carlos#Don't give him one more chance#Please save us from this road he's on#Wow I am REALLY going through it lol#Tarlos#Carlos Reyes#Don't mess with my boy Tim
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I think you could get Kim to quit the RCM by giving him a junker and a space at a communal garage. just like 10-12 other gear heads who will interact with him in a normal friendly way, the opportunity to both excel at something, problem solve and be part of a well defined in-group. give him that and an open carry license and eventually he'd maybe just get less invested in being a cop
#its all about the culturally recognised position of usefulness and virtue#the line he has about not understanding the anti cop graffiti because they work hard#plus lapsed dolorianism#plus half hearted moralism#plus being out but on the dl#plus heavily identifying as revacholean while distancing himself from any other potential identities#plus literally siding with harrier at the end regardless of political alignment as long as the case is solved#plus 'this is a man who takes his cool seriously'#man wants to be esteemed#wants regarding#wants companionship without too much vulnerability shit#wants to feel useful#wants to prove something through work and ideological aesthetics#rule stickler to preserve bounds of in group values#but will overlook others bending rules for social cohesion#Kim Kitsuragi was one diverging road in the woods away from becoming a nun#and what I mean by that is that he holds his ideas about reality tight because he's impressionable and easily swayed by razzle dazzle#look at the jacket#anyway yeah#weird guy#disco elysium
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therapy is expensive, Ants From Up There by Black Country, New Road is free
#been havin a rough time lately so i put the album on and played guitar through basketball shoes#every time i listen to the album im left with a hollow feeling#the album i guess helps me understand my emotions more even when they're not related to the topics of the album#the album just has a very tight connection to me emotionally and i am so happy i have the album to keep me comfort#about that hollow feeling btw like. idk i think thats my brain being devastated at my life but instead of feeling outright bad its more neu#the word neutral got cut off there#im losing track of my post here#basically i love this album#thank you Isaac Wood. wherever you are today i hope you're doing okay#you helped me get through emotions i never understood#tough times i wasnt strong enough to fight on my own#thank you isaac.#black country new road#bcnr
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i love the newbuild estate on the hill above my town they are trying so hard to convince us that its just a normal little collection of houses where real people live and there are no sinister schemes or cults being run out of it for which the perfect houses are all just a front but it isnt working. it isnt working even a little bit
#its the weirdest place ever i luv it...its like all newbuild estates where like the houses are all those identical redbrick builds obvs#which contributes and theyre all too clean and the streets are always empty and theres a playground that never has anyone in it...#its like playmobile its like those rugs you got in nursery of the towns and roads so you could push a hot wheels car through them#and its so so creepy. it feels like. fucking. midwich cuckoos. its way too perfect. and its so silent and kind of isolated up there on the#hill....it looks like a set. like the housefronts are going to fall down and reveal theyre just wood. and theres just no one fucking there.#it feels like something should befall it. such as an apocalypse or an experiment. it looks too fake and too identical it looks like someone#asked a child to draw a town and then they made exactly what the child described. it has the atmosphere of the first 20 minutes of a horror#film of this i feel sure.#(ridi's) bigmouth strikes again
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Hmm kinda curious
#polls#poll#tumblr polls#curious about the opinion of drivers and if thats impacted by like. the roads#namely how populous they are bc like country roads can be like. winding through woods or mountains or just a straight expanse for 400 years#but yknow
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thinking about the time i was out hiking and came across someone living in the woods
#currently#had to basically walk through their little clearing to get back to the road and i thought i was going to die#but they must have been at work or something bc they were not there#anyway they were living the dream!#good for them#was it illegal? yes. but i'm sure everyone in the nearby town knew and just didn't give a fuck#i mean what are you supposed to say if gary the cashier is living in an rv in a national forest in the middle of no where#no hook up no camp site no gods no masters just a someone in an rv with a dog in the middle of the woods on the banks of a river#you say 'wow cool good for you. how much are these tomatoes?'
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2 miles into the woods...
#somehow I've been dragged along for udk what this is#my husband's bestie/man he might love more than me needed his help#i really married the pair tbf#but yeah i dont know where we are#there was a mannequin partway down the road leading here with a knife in its head#and there were random taxidermy animals staged through the woods#if it weren't for these two being armed and dangerous themselves i would be fairly nervous#but yeah im in the truck as they jumpstart a giant tractor in a sandpit because hubs bestie is taking it home#and no#im not sure it's his
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