#the rl of charity
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I mostly just scroll thru blog subs when im on mobile bc I follow too many ppl on here so I add mutuals etc there n then turn off notifs so it's like the creme de la creme of the dash anyway if u see me in ur notes more its bc I forgor to add some of u on there until recently sorry 😭😭
#i kept seeing some of u in my notes and i was like damn u guys have been rl quiet on the dash even tho ur active thats weird..#nope just wasnt seeing any of ur beautiful posting. my bad#ONL <- me on my hands and knees begging ur forgiveness#rly need to clean up my following list so my main dash is useable again..... 💀#maybe i should add it to my list of official chores for this weekend so i actually do it lol#.diaries#not done much this morning cuz i slept in n took my meds late.. but thats ok properly hitting my task list now#done 1 round of laundry got my med delivery n organised a bunch of stuff just tidying n cleaning now n then i have some laptop admin#n then i need to go out to town just debating maybe doing a closet sort first so i can take a bag of stuff to donate to charity w me hmm#and after im back ill food shop i have my meal plan for the next week done already. mm ill fit another round of laundry in too for sheets#and then tmr ill do a third for bathmats n teatowels etc. and polish boots/do my ironing while i watch a new movie or show..#awesome. i love being medicated i love being able to concentrate and get stuff done it feels so so good#i rly spent two wholeass decades unable to and thought that was that. god bless my adhd diagnosis for letting me access stimulants#even if i have to deal w this bullshit private shit atm its fine. ill be back on the nhs soon hopefully#and ill only need half of my script next month bc theyve sent me too much of one of them the last 2 months. so itll be way cheaper#i have like at least 3 months supply of my amfexa lmao and i dont even need it every day sometimes i skip it or take half instead#so it could probs stretch 5-6 months. but theyll only issue me 1 month of my elvanse at a time so i need to renew it more often 😔#considering taking a med break next weekend bc i just want to see how bad it would be. i can take my instant stuff if it rly sucks#and if its okay maybe ill take one day off meds every weekend when i dont Need to focus to get chores done etc#so that way i can gradually build up a buffer of med supply n also might be nice to have a day i can fully relax innit#not that i Can't relax on meds but it feels rly good to focus n get shit done n I don't get as much out of just lazin#anyway.... me and my 5 million tags as always
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Anyone who's seen season 7 of the Walking Dead - how long is that fucking song going to be in my head? Ballpark figure?
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#the j and h chemistry really wasted in tl but using it in full for a charity event to mess with the people that are weird about them as-#-a rl thing...#what a mistake
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I think this is probably something shared by lots of spoonie women.
Don't let the doctors dismiss you. You're right. There is something wrong. There has been something wrong since you were little. That "Adam's apple" Mum joked about when we were eleven and just hitting puberty? That's our thyroid, and it's something too - don't let them ignore that either.
Teen me will figure out the rest just fine once she's not in constant pain.
specific parameters:
when exactly your teenage self gets this information is up to you, so long as they're your teenage self at the time.
your teenage self will learn the message and that it comes from you, their future self.
if it's something objectively true/false, they'll know it's true; if it's more subjective, they'll know you believe it's true based on your knowledge of the future; if it's advice, they'll know it's given in good faith based on your future life.
you need to decide NOW. no looking things up beforehand. (no sharing the winning lottery numbers unless you happen to have some memorized!)
you can combine things if they're really just parts of one big statement. so "You're genderfluid and your name is Adrian" is fine, but "move to California and invest in Facebook" isn't.
if your statement fits multiple categories, pick the one you think is the best overall fit.
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𝔖𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔲𝔢𝔰𝔮𝔲𝔢 𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔰
Summary: Your relationship with Farleigh Start has always precariously walked the line between friends and enemies for years.
But maybe there's something else there, too.
Warnings: 18+ content; MDI. AFAB, Oral (f and m receiving), unprotected sex (this is fiction, please use protection in rl), hints at s and d dynamics; brief, barely there choking, outdoor/technically public sex. Sex while under the influence (takes place during Oliver's party, so drugs for Farleigh and alcohol for the reader). Farleigh being an a*s, but what's new. Reader is American. Heavy denial of feelings in the beginning.
Notes: 14.6 k words. There is an abhorrent lack of Farleigh content on this site, so I thought I'd contribute. Not proofread, divider by @saradika-graphics
𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖎𝖎 - 𝔓𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔦𝔦𝔦
Honestly, it's a wonder how you always manage to forget the sheer opulence of the Saltburn Estate - even when it wasn't in the throes of a celebration that costs more than your yearly salary. It's like some sort of dream almost. While you're in it the details are all startingly intense. Overbearingly so. Flaunting in front of you with all of its details and sights; like a kaleidoscope. The memories never do the estate any true justice. The soft, rolling lush fields; the crystal blue skies that loom over the tall gray spires. It's all painted behind your eyelids with a haunting clarity. But as soon as you leave - as soon as you wake up - the entire experience never truly feels real. Bits and pieces slip through your fingers. It loses its tangibility somehow and you can't help but wonder if you had imaged the whole thing, even with Felix's number programed into your phone; a physical reminder that Saltburn is indeed a real, tactile place.
But even here tonight, while walking the halls and strolling through the courtyard, it doesn't feel like reality. It seems as though you've stepped into a fever dream, crossed some imaginary threshold and entered some mirroring realm. The air is charged. Electrifying. And you swear you could feel the magnetic net of adrenaline and excitement prickling at your fingertips. A cocktail of emotions amplified by alcohol and drugs and endorphins.
Everywhere you looked there were jovial, writhing bodies. People dancing and laughing. Some full on making out - and others dangerously close to toeing the line of having public sex - and others were having a less enjoyable time by collapsing in exhaustion or blacking out in an inebriated haze. One unfortunate soul had thrown up all over the floor boards of the foyer, and you had just narrowly missed being sprayed by the projectile vomit as you had passed. It was like the Exorcist.
Thank God it hadn't been on one of the Persian rugs.
It was someone's birthday, it seemed. A little impromptu. Not initially planned. Oliver's - at least that's what you believed it was. The same Oliver that Felix had mentioned during one of your phone calls. He had spoken of him fondly, but when Felix had rushed outside this evening to greet you from your taxi and help you gather up your bags, he had seemed less interested and even a little irritated in the mention of his newest companion - or as harsh as it sounds, charity case (he seems to have a new one each summer). And he had been quick to divert your line of questioning, stopping you with a somewhat curt, "he's just a friend from Oxford. That's all." And that was that. You knew not to press him over it.
But your time with Felix was cut short when he was pulled aside by an excited Elspeth, who had spared you a quick glance and a "hello, darling," before eagerly trying to get his advice on the party preparations. Which he didn't seem particularly enthused about being dragged into. And it left you to stand awkwardly on your on in the middle of the foyer, trying to force your bleary eyes open. Jet lagged with your will to live paper thin from only having a rough five hours of sleep to back it up. And for a moment you had feared that you might actually pass out on your feet but luckily Venetia had sought you out and saved you from feeling too awkward amongst the others. Occupying the time by gossiping and interrogating you about your time back in the States. All of which, you had confessed have been rather boring. Filled with exams and dead-end dates and careless flings. And even though the initial arrival always leaves you feeling like a fish out of water, you were thankful to have been invited back over to Saltburn. The sprawling, golden fields and fresh crisp air always a welcome reprieve from the loud, chaotic clamoring and the smog blanketed horizon of Los Angeles.
Even though the wild, scattered throng of sweating bodies that were bumping into you honestly weren't all that different from the clubs you frequent back home. Of course, the sheer show of wealth and splendor that had been rolled out for Oliver was nothing that you had ever seen before with the only thing to rival it (and surpass it, probably) being Felix's very own birthday party that you had been able to take part of a few years back. One that had been themed after a strange but no less entertaining amalgamation of cowboys, space and disco, and the costumes and decorations then had left you in a state of awe, much like tonight.
Everywhere you looked there was something else to gawk at. Glittering lights, a hired contortionist and at one point you had even seen a swan rush past you out on the courtyard - which you had only felt sad and a little angry for.
It was pure, unbridled pandemonium. Noisy and cloying with the scent of perfumes and marijuana and alcohol; and you couldn't escape it. Not even when you had gone outside to take advantage of the dark, balmy summer breeze to cleanse your lungs. And everything had been going well until a drunk man had lunged out of the crowd towards you. Wobbling on his feet with a loud wail akin to a war cry as he aimed a narrow tube directly at you. And you only had a fleeting second to wish that it was one of those party canisters full of tensile when he had set it off with a loud pop! And a large, shimmering cloud of glitter had burst over you like a mist, layering across your hair, and costume and skin like a sheen of sweat. You didn't even have time to yell at him before he was scurrying off into the crowd with a demented cackle, probably on his way to find some other unfortunate person to glitter bomb.
And even worse a quick glance downward had revealed that the drink in your champagne glass had been tainted by a thin coat of sparkling silver. Even if you wanted to be lazy and drink around the floaters, the amount drifting around in the champagne was too much. You probably would have ended up choking on all of it. It was with a defeated sigh that you tossed out the remainder of your drink onto the trampled lawn.
For the first time tonight you're actually thankful that Venetia had chosen to leave you for some tall, dark, and handsome stranger that she had met near the beginning of the party. You hadn't seen her since, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise. You would hate for her to see the state of her dress. It is just glitter, easy to wash off in the grand scheme of things, and too be fair she had said that she didn't even like the garment. It was just some random piece from another one of the Catton's wild parties - themed after Renaissance art and fables, you think. And she had sifted it out from the depths of her closet with little fanfare. "It's just some old thing, " she had told you plainly, even though the dress probably cost more than your monthly rent. Clearly, she wouldn't be distressed over some glitter, but you were still having a hard time fighting the sinking feeling in your gut. It was borrowed. She was letting you wear it. And now it was covered in a dust of silver because some guy decided to be a dick.
It could be worse though. It could have been a glass full of wine that he had dunked on you instead. You suppose you should take your wins where you could get them.
A part of you thinks about returning inside the manor and calling it a night. Taking a much-needed bath to clean off the layer of glitter from your skin and just going to bed. But really, you aren't sure if you'll even be able to manage falling asleep with the sheer volume of the music playing throughout various sections of the house, and the sound of the raucous cheering and laughter. And you could imagine what Venetia or Felix would tell you, to quit being so reclusive and to get out and socialize.
You did fly all the way over here. Planned this trip for a few weeks and made preparations with your job and roommate when Felix had called to invite you over for the summer. It would be a complete waste to turn in for the night and huddle yourself up in your quarters.
And with the fog of alcohol draping over your body you know you should probably put a pause on it for a bit but fuck it, it's a party and you need another drink.
You glance around the courtyard, hoping to spy one of that servants that have been forced to parade platers of alcohol around for the many guests but all you see are the scattered throngs of people dressed in fairy wings, strange animal masks, and plastic swords. Honestly, it never amazes you how many people get invited to these events. Even with all of the family members combined, there's no way they all know every individual here directly. There's probably enough to fill a damn stadium.
In your search your gaze sweeps over the steady bonfires, the temporary lovers grinding against each other and a pair talking amongst themselves - wait. That catches your attention. You feel heat prickling at your chest; irritation rising in some subconscious sort of reaction and as if they have a mind of their own your eyes skitter back over to them to confirm if what you thought you saw was true. And lo and behold, there he is. The bane of your existence. Farleigh Start.
Your eyes flicker across him from his head to his old-fashioned boots. He's holding some sort of mask in one of his hands. A big bulky thing with long protruding ears and an equine shaped face and you have to squint to come to the concussion that it appears to be a donkey.
He seems to be talking to someone. A person that you don't recognize but they both seemed to be engaged in some sort of heated stare off from near a rotating pig on a stick. It looks like he's found another unfortunate victim to prod at and humiliate. Not that it was difficult for Farleigh. He was always eager to find someone to harass and belittle. And the more that someone fought back, the more interested he seems to become. He's been a personal thorn in your side for longer than you'd like to admit.
Of course, you knew he would be here, but that didn't necessarily mean that actually seeing him made it any easier. It had to have close to a year since you've last interacted with him, which had to have been during that awful Christmas party back in the States. Why Graham had invited both of you when he knew that neither of you get along is a mystery. It could have been some lame attempt to get two of his closest friends to finally clear up whatever animosity was between them, but in all actuality it had just made worse. All of the passive aggressive barbs and thinly veiled sneers had nearly reached a boiling point that night when Farleigh wouldn't just leave you alone. Seeming to make it his mission to antagonize you at every turn with childish insults. But as childish as they might have been, they added up over time until you were giving him what he wanted, lashing out in response to his nasty little comments.
And to think at one point you had actually been excited to meet him. As Graham's close friend and roommate, you were interested in getting to know the guy that he couldn't stop gushing about. The one who he had praised nearly nonstop. Farleigh had been nice enough in the beginning. And you even enjoyed his company for a time. His humor had always been a bit snarky, and the jokes he told were usually at another's expense. But he had been - as much as you hate to admit it, fun. And at one point, you had even considered him a friend of sorts. Or at the very least an acquaintance whose company you enjoyed while you both rambled on about nothing and everything, often gossiping about others.
It had all been fine between you. That was until Felix had come down to L.A. to visit. He had gone out with Farleigh and Graham to go and sightseeing, which eventually steered into hopping from club to club as the day wanned into night. And when the invitation had extended to you, your relationship with Farleigh had taken a turn. For whatever reason talking to Felix was easy. But that was just Felix you suppose; always able to make friends with just about anyone in the room. And the closer that the two of you had become, the more strained your association with Farleigh had grown until it was filled with nothing but sardonic remarks and passive hostility. And instead of being a sort of surface level confidant, he gradually became a presence that you detested. And your relationship had gone from a mutual respect and cordial conversations to some sort of strange cat and mouse game. The both of you exchanging snarky jabs in an attempt to see if the other would crack.
You would be lying if you didn't admit that some part of you enjoyed your little spats. And maybe you had hoped that he would be here tonight. Not that you'd ever tell him that. You'd rather trip onto the sharp end of a knife.
Suddenly Farleigh is stepping towards the stranger, shoulders rigid and body pulled taught, seeping with irritation. And he takes ahold of their face, forcing the shorter man to look into his eyes in some sort of intimidation tactic. Farleigh's nearly seething. And his expression is firm with an apparent frustration. You don't think you've seen him so visibly aggravated before. You can't help but wonder what the mystery guy may have done to warrant such a response from him.
And then Farleigh is pulling away, releasing the stranger from his grip with a smug smile. But on him it looks more like a sneer with the way his lips are stretched and showing off his teeth. He's moving towards your direction now, probably intending to head back to the house, and he's yet to notice you. You contemplate leaving. Of slipping back under the cover of the scattered crowd and disappearing before he sees you, but your body doesn't move. Instead, you're stock still. There's some awful feeling in your gut that seems horrendously akin to anticipation; fluttering and soft and nauseating.
You should just leave. You could leave if you'd just move. But it's too late. You swear there's some awful full body reaction that occurs when Farleigh's gaze meets yours and he stops in place to assess you. For a moment it's like you've been sucked into a black hole. It's like time has dilated and shrunk down around you until it's frozen solid and suddenly the lively chaos around you falls quiet, muffling down into an insignificant hum in the background. Recognition flickers in his eyes and something else crosses his face too. Something that you don't quite recognize but regardless, it feels as though the both of you are engaged in some sort of wordless exchange. There's another smile growing on his face. It's mischievous but still much more relaxed and familiar than the previous one that he had worn, and you can't help but return one of your own.
It's then that you're finally able to gain control of your own body, walking backward a few steps before you twist around to slip amongst a gaggle of passing girls with something that is suspiciously close to excitement bubbling in your gut. You briefly use them as cover to get you closer to the house entrance, and they're all too occupied with giggling and gossiping to notice your presence. But you're able to remove yourself from the cluster when one of them drunkenly trips on her skirt, and she saves herself by latching onto the shoulder of one of her friends with a wild laugh. The others all gather around her to jokingly reprimand her as they assist her in righting herself but you're already stepping through the back threshold of the manor, and you're thrown headfirst into the alcohol infused, neon casted mayhem. Party streamers, glow sticks and blaring upbeat music. It's complete madness. You can hardly hear yourself think and trying to work yourself through the tight gaps between people's swaying bodies proves to be a challenge of its own and it's a heavy reminder as to why you had even gone outside in the first place.
The atmosphere is cloying and thick; you feel as though you might actually be able to choke on it like it's a physical thing. As otherworldly and exciting as this party is, it's another experience entirely when you're being elbowed in the ribs by an oblivious drunk girl who isn't aware of her windmilling arms and all the intoxicated men who think that you're trying to feel them up and flirt with them when in reality you're just trying to get by. And for a split second you feel as though you may never make it out of the tumultuous sea of bodies. That you'll be cursed to wander around aimlessly in the wild, dancing masses for eternity. Subjected to the ear shattering music and scent of spilt wine and bourbon and sweat.
But then you hear something that sounds suspiciously like your name. It's distant and damp as though your ears are plugged and for a second you had thought that you imagined it before you hear it again. This time louder and there's no mistake that someone is calling you. It has you pausing for a moment to analyze your surroundings and then you catch sight of someone familiar at the far end of the room and for a moment you think that your eyes might be lying to you with the aid of the dim lighting. The deep, saturated, shifting hues of purple and blue and red tinting the chaotic space doing very little to aid you. But someone is waving their arm up the air for you to spot them better and a long glance confirms that you were right in your assumption. The relief that sweeps across your bones is insurmountable and the glimpse of a hand raised up in the air to beckon over you is even more incentive to press forward. And you have to shoulder past people until you enter a small break in the crowd.
"There you are!" Venetia shouts triumphantly, swaying to the rhythm of the song playing at full blast. "I've been looking all over for you!"
You don't bother refuting her. Of countering that she was the one who had wondered off without any plans to meet up afterwards. Instead, you just move up closer to her, doing your best to match her movements and energy but you're entirely too self-conscious to actually meet her. And you feel the fleeting sense of relief that she has yet to notice all of the glitter covering her dress or doesn't care.
"I had to go outside and get some fresh air, " you confess and even underneath the low lighting you can see the way that she nearly rolls her eyes at you, but even then, there's a well-meaning smile on her face.
"You're at a once in a lifetime party, and you were spending it outside?"
"Just for a minute." But she looks completely unamused by your apparently flimsy defense and suddenly she's grabbing you by the shoulders and leaning towards you like it might seal in her words better.
"Well, you're supposed to be inside. Dancing and partying and getting drunk." She squeezes her hands against your skin. "Seriously, it's like you're allergic to fun."
Okay, a little bit rude. And you try to remind yourself that she's just saying it because she's probably drunk. For the most part, all of the younger Catton's (Farleigh included) have a tendency to be social butterflies and party animals. It was something that you had struggled to keep up with when you had officially become friends with Felix. Luckily, he was typically the most understanding out of all of them, and he was aware enough to take notice when you were burning out. It was something that you had thought that Venetia had come to terms with as well, but every now and again she always makes sure to voice her objections.
And you open your mouth to protest but you hardly get anything out. "That's not tru-"
"And as your friend it's my duty to ensure that you do exactly all of the above!" She pulls away with a smirk that is entirely all too satisfied, and it immediately has the alarm bells inside your head blaring. "And maybe even a bit more."
You don't like that last bit.
"There's someone who I think you'd love to meet!" And you swear you can feel your stomach drop at those words but exasperation bleeds through the discomfort until you're holding back an irritated sigh as she practically gushes some stranger's name. "Reuben!"
And at the call of his name, the guy seems to appear from the darkness and shifting bodies like some sort of spirit. It takes you completely off guard how closely and quickly he moves, and you have to physically keep yourself from flinching back. The entire situation is jarring, and you feel like an insect pinned to a corkboard with how both Venetia and this stranger - Reuben are watching you expectantly. And it takes everything to muster up a smile that you know must look strained and unnatural. "Hi," you greet lamely, but he doesn't seem to be the least bit deterred or put off.
And he is cute, you'll admit. Kind, joyful eyes that you think are hazel but it's honestly impossible to tell in this lighting and there's a dusting of freckles scattered across his nose and cheeks. He seems inviting enough if first impressions are anything to go by, but for whatever reason you don't find yourself gravitating towards him or longing for any sort of conversation with him.
"It's nice to meet you!" He returns, loudly projecting to be heard over the stereo system. "Venetia's told me a bit about you."
"Uh-huh, " you nod for him to continue or maybe divulge, but he doesn't. He just stands there silently without removing his gaze and you can't tell if it's because he's just oblivious or if maybe he's just socially awkward, but it has you shuffling on your feet all the same, desperate to move or do anything to make this less weird. And you glance over at Venetia who still has that hopeful expression on her face, doing your best to telegraph your discomfort without tipping Reuben off. And she does seem to notice but she doesn't tell him to leave or direct him somewhere else like you had wanted.
"Reuben said that he's been to America before," she reveals. Apparently trying to salvage this little interaction and cultivate it into something more.
"Oh, really?" You perk up a bit, or at least try to. "Where did you visit?"
"Uh, New York. City, " he clarifies at the end before his demeanor shifts into something a bit sheepish and playful and the gold plastic crown perched atop his head glints in the lights. "It was a bit of a bore, I won't lie. But that was probably because I was there on a business trip and not on holiday, so feel free to put the blame on me."
His attempt at joking does thaw at some of the unpleasant tension that had burdened the air, but even with the initial ice broken there's still just a simple, straightforward uninterest underneath it all. You aren't stupid. It's obvious why Venetia had pressed to introduce him to you, it's obvious why he had agreed. And you don't fault him for trying to get lucky at what might just be the party of the decade (for you at least) but keeping him here and stringing him along is a complete waste of everyone's time. You aren't going to sleep with him. Not tonight or any other night. And then you go to tell him as much, parting your lips to just get to the point and lay all of your cards out on the table but then Venetia is tapping on your shoulder, making you pause to look over at her.
She has this strange, delighted smile on her lips that's even worse than the one she was wearing when she had invited Reuben over. She nods her chin over to your right, watching eyes trained on something or someone. "Your shadow's here."
You nearly break your neck to follow her line of sight and your heart skips a beat when you see Farleigh standing several feet away from a gap in the crowd and you have to wonder just how long he's been standing there for. And you don't know why you suddenly feel as though you've been caught doing something wrong. Why your body flushes and prickles with shame and you feel like cringing. Maybe it's because of the way that he's looking at you. How his eyes dart from you to Reuben like he's assessing something. Most of the emotions flickering across his face are unreadable. But for second you think that you catch glimpses or what might be anger or irritation and worst of all betrayal before it leans into something neutral and flat. And then just as you had, he's turning on his heels and vanishing. But unlike you, he doesn't smile as he leaves. He doesn't walk away with a silent invitation to follow.
And then Venetia is turning to Reuben with a sweet smile and tilting her head. "Alright, you can go now."
He looks just as confused as you do, and he turns to look at you like he's expecting you to jump in to defend him or at the very least offer an explanation, but you don't have one to give. You're just as lost as he is and when you don't speak and tell him to stay, he backs away, spreading his arms out in a sort of silent 'what the fuck?' gesture and vanishes back into the throng of bodies.
"What . . . was that?" You ask, tense with a mutated type of bewilderment and anger.
"I just wanted to see it." She says cryptically and irritatingly, begins to dance in place before finally disclosing on that little comment. "The look on his face."
"What?" You snap.
"Please, the way you two dance around each other is getting dreadfully old. It's boring and tired. I just did something to get the ball rolling."
This in particular isn't new by any means. You had heard it all before from the two Catton siblings. Their vehement insistence that you and Farleigh had some unspoken attraction for the other that you both refused to act or speak on. It had nearly become a joke for the both of them. To prod and poke at you and Farleigh with to their hearts content. It was something that the both of you had learned to accept over time - somewhat - and ignore. But this. This new and entirely strange.
"So, what? You were trying to make him jealous?" Your forehead crinkles as you watch her; incredulous and perplexed.
"Trying?" She echoes amusedly." I succeeded. Did you see the way that he was looking at you? He was practically seething."
You almost scoff. He wouldn't be jealous; he had no reason to be. And you don't know why Venetia's little ruse has pissed you off, or why that strange look on Farleigh's face had made your heart drop, but it did.
"The two of you are so dense that it's honestly as frustrating as it is entertaining," she says with pure exasperation. "I mean, whenever you're here, you're practically fused at the hip. Bickering like cats and dogs like we can't all see the truth." She laughs but it's more of a scoff really. "He speaks about you. All the time. Always whining and complaining about something you've done. But it's different. He practically has hearts in his eyes while does it. And it's exhausting." And then she's backing away from you, leaving you to settle and drown in the disarray of your own thoughts and come to terms with that. Does he really speak about you like that? Surely, there's no way.
"So can the two of you, for all of our sake's, sort whatever mess you've got going on between you and just fuck already? "
And then she's spinning away her heels, sending you a wink over her shoulder and the silver chains wrapping around her body in a delicate draped halter glint and twinkle underneath the lights; showcasing that elaborate weblike shape that they've been constructed in. And she just leaves you. Abandoning you in the middle of the temporary dancefloor while you fight with an upstream of odd emotions. You just standing there while you tussle with the urge to find Farleigh and apologize (apologize for what?) and tell him that it was just some weird joke from Venetia (why does that matter?). You don't know why you feel the need to go and try to repair whatever damage Venetia may have just done. What that said 'damage' may even be, you don't know. And you also don't know why you're suddenly heading off in the direction that Farleigh had disappeared in, scanning the crowd for him with some ugly sense of desperation that you don't want to unpack and analyze. Not even as you yield to it.
You aren't even sure how long you search for; your gaze jumping over every face and person that you see in the hopes that you find him. But the room is packed to say the least, and the odds of you actually stumbling across him must be low. He might not even be in this specific room anymore. And if that's case then you might as well as give up now. The estate is sprawling; if he doesn't want to be found, then he won't be. And you think about giving up. Of turning in for the night and trying to talk to him in the morning when you inevitably see him at the breakfast table.
But then you see him. Only this time there's no double take or reason to reconfirm that it is him, this time you spot him immediately.
He seemed to have shed his doublet at some point, leaving him in his pale undershirt. His mask is gone as well. And it takes your mind a second to realize that he's not alone. That he's pressed against some girl like he might kiss her. There's a smile on his face; inviting and flirtatious and the tips of their noses brush together as they lean in close.
You're an unintended observer. You shouldn't be here watching them in a moment that clearly isn't meant for you but it's as though your feet are glued to the floor. It's like watching a car crash. You don't want to look; you don't want to be here but some awful part of you is making you stay. Your muscles have gone still from something prickling and cold and disarming. You can feel it in your chest too. It's making your lungs seize and for one long, paralyzing moment it's almost like you can't breathe. But you don't have a right to be bothered by this. Farleigh's entitled to have one-night stands or flings or to go on dates with people if he wants to. There's no reason why he can't. And there's no reason why you should be feeling shame and betrayal and hurt right now. Absolutely no reason. You wonder if this is what he had felt just a few moments before while you were standing with Reuben and that odd little side of you hopes that he had.
God, what if Venetia had been right? What if -
Their lips brush together.
They're going to kiss, some hideous part of your brain whispers and even worse your body tenses and coils like it's bracing for some sort of dreadfully anticipated impact. This is it. The moment the car crashes and erupts into burning flames.
But then Farleigh goes still. Pausing as though someone had called his name or he's remembered something. The girl that he's pressed up against leans back with a confused furrow pinched between her eyebrows when he turns his head and his eyes land on you.
Your mouth goes dry, and your tongue seems thick and useless, and you try to swallow around it. Now that you're here you don't even know what to do with yourself. You aren't even sure what you had gone after Farleigh for. You didn't have a plan to begin with; you didn't know what to say. You have to internally curse yourself for following after him and putting yourself in this situation. It's strange and awkward and it takes everything for you to even manage a smile. To try and look casual and pretend that maybe you had just stumbled across them and hadn't intentionally tracked him down. And you lift a hand up in a lax wave while your mind ceaselessly chants for you to leave. To just go.
You can feel Farleigh's gaze searing into you, drilling holes into your head even as the girl that he's with leans towards him and you can't hear over the distance or the music, but she appears to be saying something if the way that her mouth is moving is any indication.
You're quick to turn on your heels and all but nearly speed walk away from the both of them, eager to create as much distance between you and them as possible. You don't feel like you're apart from your body. It's like you're disconnected from it, uncomfortably aware of your limbs and movements as you rush away. And it's like your emotions are stuffing your body full and threatening to tear it at the seams. Emotions that you don't recognize; that you don't want to recognize.
A warmth and pressure suddenly encircles around your wrist, much like a hand would and for a moment you think that you've imaged it. But then you're being pulled back gently by the strength of someone's grip, and it forces you to stop. You know who it is before you turn to look at them. You can smell the burn of tobacco from his cigarette habit on his clothes, and it blended with the delicate musk of his cologne. The woody notes of amber joining along with vanilla and bergamot and cardamom made your mouth water in some horrid Pavlovian response. It was humiliating.
Then your eyes are meeting his; dark and glimmering underneath the flashing, sweeping lights dancing about the room. And for one agonizing moment neither of you say anything. It's like you're both simultaneously drifting away and stuck in place. The energy looming over the both of you is foreign and strange, and Farleigh can feel it too if the blank, unsure expression on his face gives away as much.
And then he's releasing your wrist and you let your arm drop down at your side. He shifts on his feet and the weird tension in his shoulders drop as easily as if it were a piece of clothing and a smirk takes shape on his face. This is the Farleigh that you're more familiar with, with the condescending look in his eyes and a prideful tilt to his head. It puts you at ease. Dulling the nervous butterflies in your gut and allowing you to settle underneath his presence.
"Well, if it isn't Felix's favorite little pet." It's meant to be an insult. Most would read it as such, but for you it brings nothing but relief. It feels like a consolation almost. That whatever these strange little interactions have been they haven't damaged your relationship with Farleigh (what relationship?) and made things odd. He glances around the room and all of the festivities, the swaying crowd and streamers and flowing alcohol. He wrinkles his nose in a way that comes off as falsely apologetic. "Or I guess I should say second favorite now."
"Then it's a good thing that I didn't come here for him," you respond easily enough. Internally thankful that the last remaining remnants of tension in your throat hasn't prohibited your ability to speak. "I just know how thrilled you always are to see me, and so I couldn't possibly bring myself to skip out on the trip."
"Thrilled," he echoes with a scoff. "Is that what you think? Because personally I feel like drowning myself in the pond right about now."
"No one's stopping you, " you quip back easily, finally slipping back into your old dynamic.
His forehead scrunches as he pins you with an incredulous look, tilting his head as he moves in closer towards you. "And leave you here all alone? What would you do without me?"
"Thrive. Live. Experience peace."
"Sounds boring."
But you don't have time to respond. He's leaning back on his feet and stepping away from you while he digs one of his hands into the pocket of his costume's pants. And when he removes his hand, it comes out clutching a packet of cigarettes, which he's quick to ruffle around in. "Come on, I wanna smoke."
You don't ask any questions as he moves, leading you out from the dancefloor and throughout the house. Every so often he glances back over his shoulder like he's reconfirming that you haven't wandered off and left. He guides you up a set of staircases, past the couple planted by the first step who are openly making out and grinding on each other and up into the twisting, changing hallways.
"Where are we going?" You ask, nearly getting shoulder checked by a pair of girls who rush down the corridor in a fit of giggles.
"I told you, " he replies and hardly looks back. " I want to smoke."
You want to press him about. About how suddenly he's unable to smoke inside when you've seen him do at least a thousand times. Even at the breakfast table. He probably does it on the toilet too. It wouldn't be a surprise. You aren't sure how long the two of you walk for, higher up into the highest floors of the house until he's finally stopping and opening a door at the end of the hall. He pauses in the threshold, dipping his head in and looking in like he's checking to see if it's occupied. He could have just knocked. It would have been an unpleasant surprise for the people inside if it actually had been unavailable. But the coast must be clear because he's slipping inside and nodding his head for you to follow after. He shuts the door behind you, closing it with a click and gives you a passing smirk when you shoot him a curious glance.
You follow him into the room, vacant apart from some paintings and a few pieces of furniture - an old office maybe, and he leads you across the floors towards a pair of large glass double doors.
He tugs on one of the handles, swinging it open, revealing what appears to be one of the balconies. He's outside before you. And by the time you slide up beside him he's already leaning against the chiseled stone railing on his elbows and the cigarette perched between his lips is lit and smoldering.
The air outside is still warm, sweet and earthy with the scent of moister in the air, like some distant, unseeable storm is brewing. And you can see so much of the estate from this high up. The frolicking people down below in their costumes and those massive, glowing lotus lamps drifting in the pond. But even with all of the guests down on the courtyard engaging in various kinds of trouble; drinking and shouting and singing amongst themselves, up here their voices can harldy reach you. It sounds like a faint murmur on the soft summer wind. And for maybe the first time tonight you actually feel a sense of calm.
"He's a selfish lover, " Farleigh says randomly, flicking the butt of his cigarette to sprinkle the dead ash onto the far grounds beneath. "And a notoriously fast one too. Eliana Merrick said he busted as soon as he put it in."
He notices the lost look on your face and sighs, twisting around on his feet to lean his back against the railing instead. "Your little boytoy from earlier. Reuben Amory." He spits his name out with something that sounds suspiciously like contempt. Venomous and irritated and he lifts the cigarette up to take another drag. "His father's a friend of the family. To James specifically. That's how he always manages to weasel his way into our parties."
"I guess I dodged a bullet then." You joke, absentmindedly fiddling with one of the elaborate pearl earrings dangling from your ear.
"What? He didn't scratch your itch?"
"No," you shake your head with a light shrug. "He was fine. It's just . . . I don't know, I wasn't interested."
Farleigh snorts, making you glare at him, eyebrows furrowing. "What?"
"Nothing." But his tone is a little sarcastic, and unconvincing and the nasty smile on his lips reveals as much. "He just seemed to fit the bill of your type pretty well. Well-meaning, polite and a little pathetic."
You nearly laugh but it comes out as more of a scoff. "That is not my type."
"Oh, really?" He challenges, moving closer towards you and you can smell his cologne again. The vanilla sticks out the most this time. Delicate and sweet. "What about that guy you used to flirt with at IHop? "
"He was a server. It's literally his job to be nice-"
"And then there was your neighbor back at the apartment. The one across the hall with the abysmal amout of plants. And then who could possibly forget, what was his name? Adrian? Who you dated for all of four weeks."
It has you falling silent, unable to counter his argument even though you have a remark waiting on the tip of your tongue. You've never realized that Farleigh had ever paid that much attention to you and your affairs. It has that syrupy, fuzzy feeling pooling in the center of your chest despite that fact that you're actively telling yourself that it doesn't actually mean anything. It's normal for people to notice things about people that they're forced into proximity with.
"Wow, I never knew you were so interested in my love life, " you say, gripping onto the rough texture of the railing. Stroking your fingers over the soft groves and bumps. "Maybe you should get one of your own."
"But yours is always so entertaining," he snuffs out the cigarette and carelessly drops the butt onto the ground near his feet. "You know, with the way that it always seems to crash and burn."
It probably would have stung to hear if you weren't able to say that you were the one to end all of the relationships that you had been in. That you were always the one to take the first step in severing ties. Even with Adrian you had been the one to sit him down and explain that you just hadn't been able to see it progressing anywhere. The both of you were too different. Your goals and wants in life were polarizing and the only things that had brought you together were superficial at best. You just weren't built to last.
"Please, like yours has ever been any better." But he doesn't look the least bit offended. Instead, there's a satisfied quality to his expression. Your lips purse and something akin to defeat weighs down your shoulders. "Besides, they were all too sweet anyway. A little too nice. They could never keep up. I'd always end up saying something to hurt their feelings on accident and they would think that I meant it and then I'd get the silent treatment."
"Not like us, huh?" Farleigh responds a little softly. And he was right. There was always something about your dynamic with Farleigh that you had never been able to achieve in your relationships. The constant push and pull. The competition of your endless banter and insults. The way that you could be completely bare and unrestrained with your words without putting your standing with him at risk. There was . . . an intimacy in it that couldn't compare with anyone else. You had seen the worst of Farleigh. The sneers and jabs and heated sarcasm. And in turn he had gotten the brunt of your own ire and jokes, but it still didn't change a thing. Neither of you ran from it. Instead, you both seemed to revel in it. To seek it out even. It was a type of security that you had never found with any other friend or lover.
And you don't know what it is, but some invisible element shifts and rises between the both of you. Something that's always been there. Simmering and quiet, building up underneath your every interaction like water boiling on a hot stove.
"No. Not like us," you admit in a near whisper like if you spoke to loudly that it might disrupt whatever magnetic thrum has fallen over you both. So low that he might not have heard you. But then you see something flash in his eyes. Something hungry and eager and he's moving closer until you can feel his body heat pouring over your skin, seeping underneath the delicate fabric of your dress and into your bones.
"I hated all of them," he says it like a confession. Hushed and passionate. And you suppose that it is one. Told in total confidence, with a certain fervor like a sinner tucked away in a confessional booth. "I hated them because they should have been me."
It makes you gasp lowly. And your fingers squeeze around the banister like it might ground you and keep you from floating away. And suddenly Venetia's previous statements are echoing around in your skull; mocking and satisfied. You feel slightly stupid now. Blind. But never in a million years would you have guessed that Farleigh had actually ever been jealous of the men that you had dated. It seems like such a silly concept. Or else it would have in the past, but now here he is confirming the very thing that the two Catton sibling's have been vehemently trying to drill into your head for years. And you like it. God, you actually like it. Some nasty little side of you is completely satisfied and even elated that he's been seething over all of your old flings and exes. It feels good because you've been doing the same thing you suddenly realize. Every time that stinging burn had caught up in your chest at the sight of him curled up with some other person - it hadn't been irritation for Farleigh. It was jealousy. You had actually been jealous.
"Can I tell you something?" You ask.
He just hums, low and soft. You can't even glance away from him. Not even if you wanted to. Not with the way that he's looking at you. His stare is heavy and intense, and it feels like you're being held by the throat, forced to maintain eye contact with your breath steadily being stolen from your lungs. "I wished they were you, too."
It's like something breaks free from you when you say it. It was heavy, oppressive and suffocating and in its absence, it's replaced by a sense of ease and a freedom that makes you want to laugh and maybe even cry. And maybe if you weren't preoccupied with the entirety of your attention zoned in on Farleigh you might would have.
Now he's stepping even closer than before, and now you can actually feel the press of his body against yours. The pressure of it has your lips parting, and you have to angle your head to maintain your shared gaze without breaking it. Then his hand is tucking underneath your chin; the pad of his thumb lifts to brush over you, tracing the shape of your bottom lip with something that feels close to reverence.
"Can I kiss you?"
Something inside of you breaks apart at the question, crumbling and washing away like sand underneath the crashing power of a wave. You nod before you even fully register it, and your body is buzzing with a honeyed heat. And you understand that if you do this then whatever relationship you have with Farleigh is going to fundamentally altered. It will be the point of no return and the consequences, positive or negative, will be unavoidable. Maybe tomorrow things will go sour. Maybe by then you'll be back to hating each other, even worse than before. But you want this. Consequences and all.
"God, yes. Please."
His lips are soft and warm, and they taste sugary and faintly floral with what might have been the flavors of some beverage that he had drank earlier. There's the bite of tobacco on his skin too, sharp and smoky. It's usually something that you had never enjoyed when kissing people in the past, but right now it hardly even registers. You're too busy getting lost in the feel of him. The warmth of his hands framing your face, the way that he shifts you on your feet and nudges you back against the railing of the balcony. Your hands are everywhere that they can reach, stroking down his chest and dipping down to grip his hips, pulling them flush against you like any amount of space left between you might kill you.
He groans into your mouth at the gesture, nipping at you lip before soothing the sting with his tongue. It has heat, liquid and thick building between the cradle of your thighs. And you know that it's just kissing, but you can't help but internally berate yourself, because if the both of you hadn't been so horribly bullheaded you could have been doing this the entire time.
And he pulls away from you all too soon, making an embarrassing whimper bubble up from your throat, but he's hushing you with a soft coo, snickering lightly under his breath when he ducks his head beneath your chin to suck at the skin there. Taking it between his teeth and lips and you can't help to soft, breathless pants that start to leave your chest in response. It's purely possessive and you're sure that he's trying to leave marks there, and you can't find it in yourself to tell him not to. It's like your muscles are melting, going boneless at the sensation of his tongue tasting your skin, licking up the salt from it. You can feel the shape of his smug smile against your throat, and it makes you want to slap him. But instead, you're reaching a hand up to cradle the back of his neck, keeping him close to you.
You're wet already, soaking through your underwear. It's something that you would have been awfully conscious of in the past with another partner, but here and now you can hardly think around the red fog that's beginning to cloud your brain. And then he's shifting, sweeping a hand underneath the silk skirt of your dress to clasp around your thigh so that he could pull it to the side, allowing him to nudge his leg between the both of yours.
"Farleigh," you gasp, and he cruelly grinds his thigh against the heat of you, steadily feeding the pressure thrumming there but not letting it build towards anything more. It's frustrating. Mean. And it has you clawing at his shoulders impatiently.
"Yeah? What is it?" He asks, nipping at the sensitive skin on your ear, making sure to be mindful of your earring. You don't respond at first, unable to with the way that he's still steadily moving his thigh against you. It's simple, but with the way that you're already so pathetically worked up, it feels like agony. "Come on, you can tell me."
And to make it worse, that hand that had been gripped around your leg is now moving further underneath your dress, slipping between the press of your bodies to settle above where you want him. His fingers play with the elastic band of your panties, teasing, implying more. But then he hooks it in the crook of his fingers and pulls, letting it snap back against your skin. The sting is dull, but it has you gasping regardless. You mindlessly reach for his hand that's still underneath your skirt, taking it into your own. And you briefly fear that he'll pull it from your grip. But he allows you to guide him. He removes his head from your neck to look into your eyes, watching your expression when you finally slip his hand underneath your underwear, and you can feel the shocking chill of his signet ring trailing across your heated skin. He takes over from there and you can't help the way that you arch into him when his fingers finally move down to where you need him the most. His face pinches when he spreads you open, and he nearly groans at the feel of you. "Jesus, baby, you're fucking soaking already."
Your eyes flutter from the drag of one of his knuckles brushing over your clit and it's like it's directly connected to every individual nerve in your body, making you squirm and moan raggedly.
"Is this all for me?" He asks, dipping one of his fingers lower, teasingly circling the entrance of your cunt but he doesn't go any further.
"Yes." Your lungs feel tight and your nipples brush against his chest with each breath that you take, doing little to help ease the tension and desire threatening to tear you apart. "Yes, it's 'cause of you. Please, Farleigh. C'mon."
"What's the rush?" He taunts, angling his head to take your bottom lip between his teeth and biting. "The night's still young. "
He rocks his thumb against your clit, smirking at you with pure arrogant satisfaction from the way that you shudder underneath his touch. You know that he's absolutely delighting in the way that you've been practically turned into mush by what is essentially some heavy petting. Especially after all of the years of trying one up each other, you're sure that this is doing wonders for his ego. Like it needs to get any bigger. That little prickle of irritation peeks out from underneath the saccharine haze shrouded over you, and you can't keep it down. "I fucking swear, Farleigh, " you nearly hiss, nudging your hips in the hopes that it'll drag the pressure of his fingers closer. "If you don't do something, I swear I'll-"
"You'll what?" Comes his immediate reply, the low rasp of his voice sounds completely unbothered.
"I'll leave, " you say firmly. Or as firmly as you possibly can with the way that the knuckle of his thumb has begun to rotate around your clit in tight, but soft sweeping brushes. But he doesn't appear to be worried in the slightest. He just grins at you. And shakes his head as he lowers it to nudge his nose against yours.
"No, you won't." He says it so certainly. Like he's omnipresent and has already seen the decided future. Like your fate is already sealed. And he's right as much as it pisses you off to admit it. You won't leave. But you don't want to tell him that and give him the satisfaction. " 'Cause you need me don't you, baby? Need me to make you cum."
You're nodding in agreement before you even realize it, throwing whatever semblance of control that you had right out of the window.
"Yeah? Gonna let me taste you?" Just the words alone nearly makes you keen aloud like some desperate slut, and you just barely swallow the sound down. But he must see it in your eyes. The sheer want and desperation that you feel coursing through your body like a drug. The need possessing you might actually be debilitating and you're back to clawing at his shoulders and arms in an attempt to just do something. To pin your focus on something other than the heavy ache between your legs. And you can just distantly hear yourself chanting a string of 'yes' like a broken record.
He tugs his hand from your underwear, and you can't help but mourn the loss, even when he's lowering himself down on his knees and planting kisses down across the expanse of your body as he goes. But then he's rucking the skirt of your dress up over your hips and tucking his fingers back into your underwear like he's getting ready to pull them down. Instead, he's just staring, and his eyebrows are pinched together almost like he's pained.��
"You really are soaked," he says with a sort of awe. A thrum of embarrassment rings through you when you realize that he's probably admiring the noticeable wet spot that has dampened the crotch of your underwear from your arousal. You try to close your legs, mostly out of reflex but the sharp, reprimanding smack on the outside of your thigh that you get in response makes you freeze in place. He glares up at you and you have to reach behind you to grip the railing to keep from collapsing from underneath the intensity smoldering in his gaze.
"Keep them open," is his only warning before he all but rips your panties down your hips. Guiding one of your legs up with a hand for you to step out of them, but he leaves your lace underwear to hang from the high heel on your opposite foot; apparently too impatient to fully remove them. And he barely gives you time to think or breathe before he's taking ahold of you by your waist and swinging both of your thighs over his shoulders.
The feel of his tongue laving over the heat of your pussy in a long, greedy swipe makes you scream, completely uncaring for all of the guests down below. And all some distant, buried part of you can do is hope that you're up too high for anyone to hear you. That no one happens to glance up and see you clutching onto the railing for dear life. There's no build up to it. He's completely unrestrained, apparently having the goal to make you cum as quickly as possible with the way that he's working his mouth on you. Swirling his tongue over the swollen, sensitive nerves of your clit and lapping at the dripping entrance of your cunt like a man possessed.
You mouth drops open with heavy pants, and your hands scramble across the cool chiseled stone for something to ground you and keep you pinned to reality. You can see the glint of your arousal smearing across his lips and cheeks and the look in his eyes is a blend of determination and a dazed kind of contentment, and you can feel him groaning against your pussy, amplifying your pleasure. And if it wasn't for the way that you could barely stop whimpering and crying out, you'd nearly think that he was enjoying this more than you with his pleased hums thrumming throughout your body.
He takes your clit into the cradle of his mouth and sucks, and you think that you actually sob but you feel miles away from your body and also helplessly, deliciously trapped inside of it. "Farleigh, " you keen, humping against his face in a debauched display of hedonism. One of your hands reaches down, gripping onto his hair when your eyes roll back from the hot suction of his mouth.
"You taste so good, baby, " he huffs, lapping at the entrance of your cunt with firm, maddening strokes. "So fucking good."
It's too much. You feel like you're on fire. Like he's pulling you apart with each swipe of his tongue and putting you back together again one agonizing piece at a time. It feels cruel but it's also utter bliss. Your thighs are shaking from how tightly they're seized, clamped around his head in a tight squeeze. But he doesn't seem to be bothered about it, because when you try to be mindful and spread them open, he just takes them into his hold and presses them back up against his ears again like he wants to be suffocated. And the thought of that alone has something sharp and electric zipping through you. You file that little theory away for later.
And that familiar ache is rising up like a high, simmering tide. Building and rushing towards you with a quickness that takes you by surprise and you can feel your entire body winding up and coiling tight in anticipation. He drags you closer to his mouth, scooting you down lower against the railing. You're pretty sure that your back is going to be covered in scratches from the rough texture digging across your skin, but as of right now you couldn't give less of a shit. You let your head loll back on the stone, unable to find the concentration or strength to keep it up yourself. You stare up at the sky sightlessly, just barely taking in the winking glow of the scattered stars above while pure, liquid heaven seeps across your limbs.
That overwhelming looming pleasure is right over you now, just a few good strokes off. And with the way that he's licking and sucking at you with his mouth it won't be long before you're breaking apart for him.
"Farleigh," you whimper, choking around a wanton moan, trying to warn him.
He doesn't give you any verbal indication that he hears you. But the grip on your thigh's tense in response, and he circles your clit with the tip of his tongue before dipping it down inside of you; fucking you with it. You can't help the way you're grinding against him, crying out breathlessly when the point of his nose nudges against that swollen bundle of nerves, urging your orgasm to rush towards you at a breakneck speed that you can't brace for.
"Farleigh!" You nearly shriek this time while that wild, rush of pleasure crashes down on you with the intensity of torrential downpour. It tears through your body in a way that's almost violent, making you twist under the heat of his mouth and the iron grip that he still has secured around your legs like you've been jabbed with an electrical current. You sob through the brunt of it, probably alarming the entirety of the Saltburn Estate of your current position. And even after the most of it has made its way across your body, he doesn't stop lapping at you, determined to make sure that he wrings every ounce of your pleasure out of you. It isn't until you're weakly nudging his head away from your sensitive cunt that he pulls his mouth away, but he occupies it by kissing at the inner stretch of your thighs. He massages your hips gently and the sensation works to help guide you back into your own body and return a sense of coherence to you.
All you can do is just sit there and catch your breath, panting raggedly into the night air. You stare up at the stars with complete disbelief while your brain tries to catch up with the fact that Farleigh had just casually sucked your soul out of your body. Sure, you had heard stories of his sexual prowess from some of his past flings before. Heard all of the people gushing and praising his technique in the bedroom, and you had never not believed them per se, you had just never imagined that he was actually this good.
"You doing alright up there?" He asks and his voice is ragged and a little raspy like he was the one screaming and not you.
"Yeah," you confirm after a brief pause. "Just give me a minute and I'm gonna suck your dick."
You can feel him chuckle against you, playful and more than a little cocky but he's more than earned the right to be. "Take your time."
Thankfully, the strength has begun to come back to your body. And even though your limbs are still a little bit shaky you're more than determined and able to ignore it and push through. You raise your head up look at him, using your arms to shift and lift yourself up. He looks up at you expectedly, eyebrows raising with amusement while he aids you in removing your wobbling legs from his shoulders.
He must notice something in your gaze; desperation, want, determination, because he just moves to lean back on his elbows with a relaxed smirk.
"Right here?" He asks. You just nod wordlessly as you lower yourself down on your knees. You could go inside. You probably should. There wasn't a bed in the room that you had entered the balcony from, but there was a couch. Hell, even the floor in there would probably be more comfortable for the both of you than the harsh rock underneath you right now, but you don't want to wait. Not even with the room being so close. Your knees are going to absolutely hate you tomorrow but as of right now, you can't find it in yourself to care.
He parts his legs for you to settle between them and you're fast to crawl over him while he lifts himself up to kiss you. Your lips connect with teeth and tongue, and you moan into each other's mouths when you reach down to cup the length of him from over his pants. He's hot and heavy, even with the layer of fabric covering him. You're still sensitive from your recent orgasm but when you feel the weight of him against your palm, your pussy flutters and tinge of heat settles in the base of your abdomen.
"Baby please, just take it out, " he whines. His voice is petulant and quivering. On any other night you would have used it as an excuse to tease him, but as of right now, you don't have the heart (or patience) to. The urgency in his tone has you thumbing at the buttons closing his pants, but it doesn't help that they're so small and that its dark. You have to squint underneath the dim moonlight to find them and your fingers slip more than once. But luckily you manage to pop all of them through their opening in the fabric; even with the way that Farleigh impatiently grinds into the air, trying to use your hand and forearm as something to grind his cock against.
It's so desperate and dirty but it's also so fucking hot. Seeing him all laid out and begging has a heavy anticipation fizzling underneath your skin, prompting you to grip at the edge of his pants. He's eagerly lifting his hips up, aiding you as you tug the fabric down, working it around the swell of his ass and his hips. And he audibly groans in relief when his cock springs free from the restraint of his clothes. It's so hard that it looks like must be uncomfortable, and there's a steady stream of precum pouring from the tip and trailing down along a thick, throbbing vein in a pearlescent sheen.
Your mouth waters at the sight, and you have to swallow it in the fear that you might actually drool if you don't. He catches the way you're admiring him, and something smug bleeds into his dazed expression. A reversal from the way that he had outright begged for you earlier. You really want to wipe that look off of his face.
Then you're giving into your basest desires and leaning forward to lick at the head of his cock with long, steady sweeps, scooping up the salt of him into your mouth. He's rewarding you as soon as you touch him, breathing out a strained, "fuck," while his fingers come up to grip your hair, already knocking a few of the fake flowers clipped along your updo free; honeysuckles and pink camellias. He doesn't force your head down, but he doesn't remove his hold either, gently urging you to keep going and you can't help but concede. Stretching your jaw open further to slip him inside your mouth before slowly pulling off of him with a firm suck, lapping at the slit of his cock when you do.
He isn't the biggest you've taken, but he's still thick enough for you to feel a slight strain at the hinges of your jaw, but it doesn't deter you in the slightest. You nod your head down to take him in your throat, making sure to be mindful of your teeth as you go and luckily, you're aided by the lubrication of your saliva. You don't stop until you feel the faintest hint of your gag reflex and even then, you have to push off the thought to just keep going, to let yourself gag on him. You'll save that for some other time. As of right now, you want to be able to savor every little movement and twitch and whimper.
You've just started and it's already so sloppy, wet with the way that your drool smears around your lips and chin, and Farleigh seems to be struggling to keep his hips still, resisting the urge to fuck your mouth. His thighs are tense underneath the palms of your hands, muscles flexing and twitching with frayed restraint and each jerky hitch of his hips is punctuated by airy sighs and moans.
A glance up from your place between his legs has you appreciating the way that his back is already arching. He looks gorgeous like this, all splayed out with the thick of his eyelashes fluttering against the jut of his cheek bones. You've always had the sneaking suspicion that Farleigh would lean a bit on the submissive side in bed. Always overcompensating with his arrogant attitude and sarcasm, but you didn't think that he'd be this sensitive. You aren't sure if it's just because he might have already been so worked up from eating you out, or if he's naturally just responsive, but either way the way that he's acting is doing wonders for your ego. The power that you're getting from seeing him already so pleased and dazed is filling your head full of a syrupy sort of satisfaction.
You pull off of his cock with a pop, delighting in the way that he whimpers in protest. You just hum in response, smirking at him while you nuzzle your nose down the line of his shaft and all of his complaints die out once you take one of his balls into the warm cradle of your tongue, reaching up to grip him in your hand while your mouth is occupied.
He moans raggedly, a string of whispered, "so good, don't stop - please, don't stop." Like you'd ever do that now that you've got him underneath you. And not to sound dramatic, but the sky could split open with brimstone and hellfire and the apocalypse could reign down on Saltburn and you still wouldn't pull away from him. Not when he sounds so sweet. Not while he tastes so good. Salty and earthy across your pallet. And the way that he pants into the balmy night air, already breathless has the heat between the apex of your thighs back with a vengence; burning and wet, and you have to rub them together in an attempt to ease the tension there.
You can't help the way that you moan around him, lightly sucking at the sensitive point between his balls and the base of his cock while you smear your thumb over his slit. You the use the fluid to aid in few more pumps from your hand before you're licking back up his shaft again, swallowing him back down while your hand switches places to fondle his sack and the cry that he lets out in response is heavenly. Urging you to bob you head down on him in a steady rhythm. You try to remember to breathe through your nose but in your fervor, you often find yourself neglecting to take in lungfulls of air and as a result an oxygen deprived haze has begun to fizzle over your head. But you can't bring yourself to be worried over it. It feels good. The fuzzy, drunken buzz stuffing your skull full while you work his cock is stupidly addictive.
He must notice the glazed over look in your eyes because he's smiling at you from around the way that his lips have dropped open to release a bout of heavy pants. He drops the hand that had been clutching your hair to sweep his fingers across your face in a gesture that's way too sweet for a guy who's getting head. And it has something soft and sweet blossoming in your chest when he strokes your cheek with his thumb; it makes you feel delicate and adored even while your chin is smeared with spit and cum and your jaw is starting to ache.
"You're already a little fucked out aren't you?" It's rhetorical, you know, but you find yourself moaning in response regardless. "You look so georgous like this."
Liar. There's absolutely you look even remotely attractive right now. You can feel the prickle of tears threatening to slip past your water line and down your face, and you're sure that your lashes have begun to clamp together from the damp. Your lips are swollen and there's a sheen of sweat glittering on your forehead. You probably look like a wreck but it still has you melting, and you begin to lick and suck at him with even more passion than before.
And it must have felt good for him because his head is rolling back on his shoulders and his elbows nearly collapse, leaving him to drop onto his back with a gutted groan. His eyes roll back, and his thighs seize. His white undershirt has ridden up around his ribs, showing off the stretch of his abdomen and you can see the way that his muscles flex and tense with the same pulse of his hips. He's close and it only has you doubling your efforts with even more vigor, desperate to taste him on your tongue, to feel the heat of him in your mouth and throat. The sound of his gasping has changed in pitch, rising into something that sounds close to a sob.
But then you're being torn off of him without warning and you can't contain your mournful whimper when the weight of him leaves your mouth. Irritation and betrayal flares and you can't keep yourself from glaring at him even while he looks close to wrecked, rambling underneath his breath something that sounds like, "I'm sorry baby, I need to feel you, " as he hauls you onto his lap.
And your scattered brain is still able to grab onto what he wants. You gather up your skirt to settle your knees on either side of his hips and you're quick to grab ahold of his cock to line it up with your entrance. Neither of you have the mental capacity to tease or draw the process out longer than it needs to be, and you're thankful that he had already ate you out earlier, giving you some semblance of prep. And without any fanfare you're sinking down onto his cock, and your pussy flutters around his girth, stretching until he's buried in at the hilt.
The shared groans that you let out are ones of relief and pure bliss. Your body shudders at the fullness nestled within the apex of your thighs and Farleigh impatiently grinds his hips up into yours, rocking his pelvis into your clit with a petulant huff. "Come on baby, ride me, " he urges. "Fucking take it."
You can't find it in yourself to deny him. Or yourself. And he lets you plant your hands onto his chest for support when you lift yourself up with your thighs to begin wildly bouncing on his cock, grinding and swiveling your hips with each downstroke. That thick, heated pleasure is already building up near the base of your spine, and you already know that you aren't going to last long. Not with how worked up you are. And you don't think that he's going to be able to hold off either.
He's watching you with something akin to wonder in his eyes and his lips are snagged between his teeth like he might be trying to quiet himself. Like he's trying to selfishly hide those punched out little moans. And you don't know why he tried to be hushed now after he's been groaning and whimpering this entire time but that petulant expression on his face tells you all you need to know. He's doing it on purpose, the brat. It has you leaning over him to pepper soft kisses over his cheeks, nipping at his chin and jaw sweetly, before you squeeze your pussy around his cock like a vice and you place your hand around the base of his throat. You don't tighten your fingers around it, but let him feel the pressure of your grip, testing the waters to see if your earlier theory had been right.
And his body goes taut underneath you while his hips thrust into you with a harsh twitch. A gutted moan follows closely behind, and he grips onto your thighs like he needs it to ground himself and keep himself present.
"Feel good?" It's admittedly a little condescending but even then, you can't help the softness that bleeds through your tone. He nods his head drunkenly, tilting his head back to bare his throat to you. The way that he's melting underneath the ceaseless roll of your hips and mindlessly fucking into you with deep, heavy thrusts is already driving you towards that tide of heat and ecstasy, and they way that you openly keen reveals as much.
Your knees are already stinging from the harsh stone floor digging into them and your thighs are already burning with exertion from the ruthless pace that you had set. But you have no desire to stop yet. To switch positions or ask him to take over, not with how beautiful and fucked out he looks beneath you.
You're both already messy and incoherent, chasing after your pleasure desperately. The noises coming from the place where your bodies are joined is filthy with the repetitive smack of skin on skin and the crude squelching of your cum echoing off of the rock walls around you. And maybe if your brain wasn't practically mush you might would have had the capacity to care, but you just can't find it within yourself while you watch every minute, rapturous expression flit across Farleigh's face. Not while his plush lips are parted for him to gasp, and his eyes have nearly gone cross.
"Baby, " he whines brokenly. A warning for the way that he's quickly hurdling towards his release from the constant rock of your hips. Yours isn't far off either, simmering and curling within the pit of your abdomen and you can already tell that your orgasm is going to destroy you. It's so close. So, so, so close and you find yourself nodding shakily in response to him.
"I know, I know, " your jaw goes lax at a partially hard thrust from his hips, muscles spasming around the drag of his cock.
"Where - where can I- "
"Inside," you answer, choking on your breath." I'm on the pill - it's safe, you can- "
He cuts you off with a gutted, shredded groan of your name and his entire body seizes up from the power of his orgasm. The warmth of his release spreads throughout your lower stomach and another choppy, wild thrust from Farleigh grinds his pelvis into the tender nerves of your clit. It just sneaks up on you. Sweeping you up and dragging you down before you can even register that it's ravaging your body and making you scream. For a second you completely forget what it means to have a physical body. You don't have hands, or feet, or a mind. You don't have a favorite song and there aren't any bills to pay, or an apartment back home in America, and the chaotic party downstairs doesn't exist. The cold stone floor beneath your knees isn't there. You're just floating. Suspended in a state of bliss and pleasure.
For a moment you just are.
And then your lungs are gasping, filling up with oxygen. Clarity comes back to you in pulses and the feeling in your limbs follows behind. Sensation returns to your toes and fingertips and then your eyes are fluttering open. The first thing you hear is the rapid pulse of a heartbeat and when you breathe the scent of something like vanilla and cigarette smoke nestles within your lungs. It has you rubbing your cheek against the heat of their chest - Farleigh's chest, your brain supplies sluggishly. You don't remember collapsing on top of him but apparently you had.
"God damn," he slurs, prompting an amused, tired laugh from you. For a moment the two of you just lay there, taking the time to return to yourselves and grasp your senses. And with it, reality rises up too. That you're laying here with Farleigh on an open balcony with his cum dripping from between your thighs. And apart from his confession earlier there's some small insecure part of you that's worried that he hadn't fully meant it. That this was just a simple fling. Something to ease the tension that's been brewing between the both of you for the past few years. But you don't get to wallow in your fears for long before he's tapping on your thigh and shuffling up onto his elbows.
You just hum at him questioningly, not yet trusting your voice.
"Need a cigarette," he answers.
That has you moving, lifting yourself from his hips and you both hiss, sensitive and raw when he slips from you. Your knees are tender too, aching and you inelegantly plop yourself on your rump beside Farleigh to give them some relief. And you briefly occupy yourself with your underwear, slipping it back underneath your dress and smoothing out your skirt as best as you can.
He works on slipping his pants and tights back over his hips, digging into his pocket as soon they've been righted for a cigarette and his lighter. You watch him with something nervous in your gut. And you tell yourself that you're being stupid and overdramatic. So, what if this was just a one-time thing? It was an amazing time. And if this turned out to be some random fling then that would just make it even more special, right? And he said that he was jealous of your past exes but that didn't necessarily mean that he had feelings for you. You had been the one to jump to conclusions and assume.
And even if by tomorrow he pretends that this never happened then that would be fine. You'd make do. You'd survive. It won't be the end of the world.
"Do you want to spend the night with me?"
The question tears you from your thoughts. Saves you from them really and pulls your attention onto Farleigh. His eyes are glimmering from the burning embers at the end of his cigarette, laying some strange quality in his gaze bare. But whatever it is looks uncertain and hesitant. And it serves as reminder that this is new territory for him as well. That he's just as unsure as you are. It gives you a little boost of confidence that you aren't alone in your self-induced doubts. It makes you smile; soft and relaxed and you hope that it helps whatever thoughts he may have running around in his own head.
"Sure," you say. "But I want to rewatch House of Wax. "
His face scrunches up in response, but he's already rising up to his feet and holding a hand out for you to take, helping to pull you up on your wobbling feet. "That movie is shit."
"Well, I wouldn't be able to tell with the way that you wouldn't stop talking the last time that we all watched it." You grip onto his forearms while you find your balance, lowly cursing your heels and unsteady ankles. The energy has shifted into place, as easily as breathing; thawing all of the worries and insecurities that had initially clattered around in your brain as though they hadn't been there at all.
"That's because the characters were nothing but cliches and one note, " he scoffs and promptly drops his cigarette on the balcony, snuffing it out by grinding it with his shoe.
"I also need a bath."
A smile curls on his lips, a little teasing. " Want to share?"
You stare at him, a little disbelieving. There's absolutely no way that you could do that again tonight. At least not so soon. You're exhausted, barley holding yourself up as it is and you're still clinging to one of Farleigh's arms for support.
"Really? After that?" You question, eyebrows raising, but you can't keep yourself from trying to joke despite your surprise. "You're terrible."
Farleigh chuckles, guiding you towards the double doors gently, "Oh, don't look at me like that," he says, purely amused. "I wasn't suggesting another round, you're the one with your head in the gutter."
You don't reply. Too caught up in the fuzzy way that it makes you feel; his request to share a bath with you. A small gesture maybe, but it also feels wonderfully domestic and intimate. It has you leaning into his side as you step into the adjacent room, breathing in the scent of his cologne, soaking up the body heat that radiates from his skin. Whatever new chapter between the both of you has opened has still left you two with a lot of unsaid questions and answers. You still don't know what you two are. If there's a label to apply to you both of it was just a one-night stand, but you don't have to get those answers right this second. For now, you can just bask in his company and come morning, once you've both had time to think and adjust you can sit him down and have a conversation. And maybe (hopefully) your relationship will finally become something more.
But as for now, you don't mind spending the night in his room. Of cuddling up underneath the covers of his bed after a nice bath and watching a movie together, even though you know that the duration of it is going to be spent with him criticizing every line of bad dialogue and griping over plot holes, no matter how insignificant they may be.
It sounds like the perfect night, honestly.
But still there is still one burning question that's searing at your brain like a hot coal, and you can't keep yourself from voicing it.
"Do you think anybody heard us?"
And his answer is blunt and honest.
"Oh, yeah, there's no way they didn't."
#farleigh x reader#farleigh start x reader#farleigh saltburn#farleigh start#farleigh start x you#farleigh start smut#farleigh catton#saltburn#saltburn movie#saltburn fanfiction#saltburn x reader#saltburn x you#oliver quick x reader
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It makes me sad that it’s been a month since Michael Sheen has interacted with fans on Twitter (I don’t count the tweets for causes or charities). Except for the time some ten years ago when he got off twitter all together, I think this is the longest “hiatus” he’s taken. I’ve heard, “maybe he’s just too busy” and I’m sure that’s partly true but he’s been busy before and generally doesn’t stay away more than a few days at a time.
I think we all know the real reason he’s currently gone is because he was dogpiled over his statements not being pure enough about the current situation in Palestine according to the Twitter Foreign Policy Experts who thought they’d take it upon themselves to school a 54-year-old activist who’s been watching the shifting struggles of the world for decades. Anyone who’s been following him for the past few years should have noticed by now that he doesn’t take kindly to condescention or insults and he’ll readily block those who try. In their parasocial fantasies they forget that friendliness ≠ friendship and shit you can get away with saying to RL friends may not go down well with someone they don’t really know outside of their public persona.
I hope if he finally decides to start interacting with fans again they remember to show some goddam respect. He’s NOT your buddy. He’s a friendly stranger on the internet.
Addendum: if anyone tries to make this political I will block you, no exceptions. I don’t take kindly to condescension or insults, either.
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State of the Muffin Report 2023-24
Happy belated birthday to my fanfics! Little Zuko turned six back in March. <3
Behold, my annual roundup stats, because you can get fanfic from the math teacher but you can’t get the math out of the fanfic:
[id: Screenshot of an excel spreadsheet showing my 2023-24 word counts. Important info is that over six stories, I wrote 104k words, for a monthly average of 8.6k and a daily of 284 words. End id.]
Fanfic:
After not touching the birthday fic itself since 2019, Little Zuko v the World is finally finished! Woooo.
Otherwise, a slow-but-steady sort of year on the fanfic front.
Serious Face Writing & RL:
Li’s Friends has now raised $4,206.21 USD for wildlife charity, not counting gift matches. <3
Finished the second book in my original fic series, Fox’s Tongue; The Skin Stealer’s Son officially launched yesterday! (Affiliate link, so that if you happen to buy it, Amazon pays me extra money for the privilege.)
I also created a secondary tiny human, and she is a DELIGHT. She was last seen a half hour ago crawling after her brother like a particularly aggressive tripod, Hop on Pop in one hand, and slap-screaming at it until he read it to her. My children. <3
Year Six (2024-25) Goals
Fanfic:
Gonna finish the new case of Dark Night in Ba Sing Se. Gonna finish it so good. (This is a donation fic for the winner of my Fandom Trumps Hate charity auction and is therefore due by the end of the year, so woo artificial timelines! Ah external motivations, how I missed you from my school days.)
I’m incredibly excited for Blindsiding Badgermoles, and have that same lovely external motivation in the form of my sensitivity reader, so planning to focus on that this year.
Finish the current book of Towards the Sun. We’re currently on the final field trip, so that should be very doable. —I say, using the exact same wording for the third year in a row. Honestly this one’s less a goal than a joke to see how many years it’s actually going to take me. And hey, I’ve been making progress! We now have the delight that is Lady Jun! Third year’s the charm?
Serious Face Writing & RL:
Get a solid start on Fox’s Tongue Book Three, Face of the Wolf King.
Get out large print editions of the first two books.
Continue raising children.
Special thanks this year goes to First and Secondborn, who blessed me with the ability to still manage over 100k in a year, which is way more than I anticipated at this time last year.
Cheers,
MuffinLance
#state of the muffin report#avatar the last airbender#atla#fox's tongue and kirin's bone#writing stuff
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I once reported my local bus operator to the council (licencing agency) because of shit like this.
It was mid-winter, so it was dark and effing freezing. I was still walking, but only just.
The bus was early. I could see it already at the stop as I left work. I should have had plenty of time, but no, early.
I quite literally held out one of my crutches to try and get the bus to stop and let me know, but she drove right past. This woman KNOWINGLY AND WILLFULLY left a disabled woman on her own, in the dark, in sub-zero temperatures, to wait for the next bus, due in over an hour.
So, I managed to get myself to the bus stop and, following the company's published queries & complaints procedure, reached out on Twitter. (yes, it was still twitter, and even then I don't care what The Idiot says, it's still bloody twitter) to ask what their policies were about leaving timed stops early, and leaving vulnerable people behind.
They failed to respond.
You may also not be surprised to learn that the next bus was 20 mins late. I waited about 90 mins in the end.
Multiple tweets happen, over weeks, all of which were ignored. So eventually I reached out to the council, since they're the ones who licence the bus companies. Asked for their help, gave them all the tweets, the company complaints procedure - everything.
They get me a BS reply that basically blamed me for being late, though they admit that the driver should not have left me behind. They even thoughtfully included a video from the dash-cam clearly showing me hailing the bus. It was timestamped (just, by about 2 seconds) after the time the bus should have left, justifying their victim blaming.
However, their Twitter policy? That's how to reach them? That turned round and bit them in the ass. How?
I didn't even look up their complaint policy until I got to the bus stop. Using mobility aids isn't exactly conducive to browsing on the go, after all. Then I had to find them on twitter, type out the tweet, and send it. That took several minutes. And Twitter timestamps its tweets, to the actual, correct time. My tweet was sent two minutes BEFORE the bus should have left.
I still had to involve the council to get a response to that! And even then it was still along the lines that I should have been at the stop, waiting, when the bus arrived. Never mind that they were probably almost 10 mins early. And the council guy would be well aware that they aren't allowed to leave a timed stop (one where they HAVE to wait if they're running ahead of schedule) until the actual time it's due to leave. And this is in a 100% commercial estate - only the workers use it, and we kind of have working hours... It's not exactly our fault if they can't keep to their own schedule.
Still never got an actual proper apology, or any form of recompense. Just excuses that I very easily managed to disprove as legit even though they still clung to them.
Oh, and apparently my complaint, which by the point it would have been read was more about the systemic disregard they showed for their customers and their complaints procedure, made the driver cry - yeah, they went THAT LOW with the victim blaming.
No - she "cried" (if that's to be believed) because she got caught. On her own dashcam, no less. She knew exactly what she was doing when she veered into the centre of the road to leave my disabled ass behind. My hail to her was THAT clear, that obvious, she pulled out to go around my extended crutch. And that's on the dashcam too.
A woman made an active CHOICE to leave another woman behind, in the cold and dark. And somehow she and her boss managed to make it my fault.
And they wonder why people don't want to use public transit even when it is available...
the bus stop sunk cost fallacy
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~Sketches from the charity stream, the hermits' hike, and the real life smp.~
Refrence photos were taken from Gem's twitter(X)/Instagram, screenshots from the charity stream from tumblr/Twitter and moments from the RL smp.
#crowzquartz art#geminitay#geminitay fanart#geminitay hermitcraft#grian#grianmc#grian fanart#grian hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#hermitcraft art#hermitblr#hermitcraft#goodtimeswithscar#goodtimeswithscar fanart#gtwscar#gtws fanart#pearlescentmoon#pearlescentmoon fanart#pearl hermitcraft#life series#life series fanart#real life smp#desert duo#desert duo fanart#shiny duo
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@hypersoft-fest Week 8: Any prompt (Romcom)
George/Lewis - Royalty AU & Arranged Marriage, 5k, no warnings apply
Hypersoft Publications are delighted to present an excerpt from RL Aston's upcoming modern royalty romance novel, set for publication in Spring 2025 - Forces
“Father you can’t do this!” George had gotten up from the settee and taken a few steps forward before he realised it was pointless. When the King had left the room it would have taken an earthquake to change his mind.
He thought that being the youngest Prince meant he would have more time, he thought that both his siblings being married meant he’d be spared the pressure to marry, he thought… well clearly what George thought didn’t matter to anyone but himself, and maybe his private secretary Marcus.
“I mean…” Alex, a fellow Prince in the Thai royal family, ran a hand down his face and let out a long sigh once George had finished updating his friend on the latest and frankly terrifying development in his life.
On one of the most beautiful Saturday’s of the year at the end of April they were taking part in a charity polo match at Blenheim Palace. George and Alex were taking advantage of both being on the same team and there being a break in play to take shelter in one of the canvas tents, so George could have his minor breakdown in relative privacy.
“It doesn’t sound like an arranged marriage-”
“What else would you call it then?!” George exclaimed abruptly, failing his arms wide as he spoke. It was a wonder he’d managed to hold on to his polo mallet.
“Careful George,” Alex cast a cautious look at his friend. “You’ll either hurt someone or yourself with that thing.”
“Well,” George scoffed. “I’m about to have a husband who’ll take care of everything for me so who gives a fu-” Strangely, and thankfully, George was holding his mallet at the hammer end. And right as he swung his arm holding the mallet wide, a figure walked into the tent and yelled loudly when the end of the handle smacked into their nose.
Alex was on the scene almost immediately, first checking to see if the person’s nose was broken and secondly hurriedly looking around for a first aid kit. George meanwhile was completely frozen into place as his mind went into overdrive with recalling all of the guests at the polo match, and who would be the absolute worst case scenario to break their nose. All George could see was a masculine frame, dark skinned hands and fine braids tied in a ponytail.
“Ah… fuck,” The man winced as he removed his hands from his face, revealing himself to be Sir Lewis Hamilton, the eldest son of the Duke and Duchess of Northamptonshire. He’d been fairly high up the worst case scenario list mainly because George didn’t know him all that well. They’d said hello at the odd gala, discussed a speech here and there, nothing more.
“I am… so sorry I-”
Lewis looked up at George with dark brown eyes that didn’t exactly look pleased, once again causing George’s brain to freeze.
“Is it broken?” George said instead of an apology.
“No I don’t think so,” Lewis however did dab at the blood slowly coming out of his nose and grimaced right as Alex returned with a first aid kit. George hadn’t even noticed that he’d left.
“I have loads of brothers and sisters,” Alex said with a shy laugh, waving his hands around in Lewis’ direction. “I’ve dealt with nosebleeds my whole life, this is nothing.” There was something about Alex’s flippancy for the whole situation, as if sons of Dukes walked into tents where Princes were swinging about polo mallets all the time, that seemed to relax both Lewis and George while Alex patched Lewis up. “There, good as new… though maybe take it easy for the rest of the day just in case.” He cast a cautious look over Lewis before closing the first aid kit with a firm click.
“Thank you.” Lewis gave Alex a small nod before glancing over at George, who had been absolutely no help despite very much being the cause of the problem. “And sorry for disturbing you, Your Highness… I’m clearly in the wrong tent.” Before George could string together an appropriate apology in his head, Lewis had left the tent almost as quickly as he’d arrived.
George immediately dropped his polo mallet and flopped down into the nearest chair. He buried his head in his hands and had to fight the urge to claw his fingers into his scalp. First the fact that he was only six days away from meeting the first of the three potential husbands his parents had picked out for him, now he’d almost broken the nose of a very well respected member of society. George silently hoped for his sake that he never saw Lewis Hamilton ever again, he’d probably turn as red as his polo shirt.
Alex, ever the wonderful friend, gently patted George on the back in his moment of need.
“Just don’t hit any of the horses as well, I can’t help you with that.”
George looked up, and hoped for a split second that Alex would get hit by a stray bolt of lightning.
“Fuck you.”
It had been obvious from the moment George woke up that the palace staff had been in overdrive since at least 6am. At breakfast he could see clusters of people walking briskly up and down the corridors and stairwells that led to the palace kitchen. The first of George’s potential husbands would be arriving for afternoon tea at exactly 3pm, and from the second he’d finished his last bite of toast his parents had been hovering over and around him like incessant bees.
Remember to smile George, remember your etiquette George, be charming George. No don’t wear the green tie it’s goo garish, the ice blue one brings out your eyes. Stop frowning George. Your hair is too curly today George, it needs to be more slicked back.
By 11am he wanted to lock himself in the nearest cupboard for all eternity.
“I’m sorry about all of this,” Marcus said with a long sigh at lunch. Chef had made leek and potato soup and George could barely stomach looking at it. “But today might not be as terrible as you think.”
“Am I not at least allowed to know who I’m meeting today?” George looked out the window of his state apartment that had a wonderful view of The Mall. It was yet another gorgeous Spring day with a bright blue sky. The leaves in the trees were undisturbed by any breeze and the tourist crowd in front of the palace gates was slightly larger than usual – probably due to the good weather.
“Sadly not, your parents want it to be a surprise.”
George scoffed and slouched in his chair just to prove a point even though his parents weren’t there to see it. “Do they think we’re going to have some miraculous love at first sight sort of thing?”
“Probably.” Marcus said dryly, and finished the last bite of his dinner roll. “You should eat, I’m certainly not doing any of this on an empty stomach.”
George finally turned away from the window and looked down at the plate in front of him. Next to his bread roll was a small pat of garlic butter, instead of plain. Chef always knew how much George liked it. With a small smile, George sat up and slowly ate his soup that was thankfully still warm.
At ten to three he was changed into his slate grey three piece suit with a pale blue tie fastened in a Windsor knot, and walked behind his parents to the courtyard entrance where mystery future husband number one (as Alex had decided to call him) would be arriving by car any second. Already George’s hands felt clammy and his shirt collar too tight, but he took in a deep breath and buried his discomfort as far down as he could. If his parents wanted the handsome, charming Prince to be on show then that was exactly who they would get.
Once George was stood just behind and adjacent to his parents he quickly glanced over at Marcus out of the corner of his eye, and saw his secretary looking back at him with a reassuring smile.
George would be fine, he’d eventually realised after lunch. He’d been to countless state dinners, charity galas and banquets, over the course of his life. This afternoon tea would probably last an hour at most. If anything George was starting to worry about his mystery suitor, and if he knew exactly what he was about to walk in to.
Through one of the windows George saw a black Mercedes enter the courtyard and he stood a little bit straighter while Andrew, the palace’s Chief of Staff, went outside to greet him. All George heard was the sound of a door opening and a mumbling of voices. The heavy wooden door and stone palace walls were too thick for any distinct sound to pass through.
“Sir Lewis Hamilton, Your Majesty.” Andrew announced when he walked back through the door. George blinked rapidly, certain that he’d misheard and that someone else was three paces behind Andrew. But then Lewis, Sir Lewis, walked in wearing a pale grey suit with a lavender jacquard waistcoat and matching tie, with one of his staff following close behind him. The man, who wore glasses and had short, dark hair that was grey at the temples, shared a quick look and small nod with Marcus. The private secretaries of the British upper class did all know each other to some degree after all.
“Thank you for inviting me to the palace Your Majesty.” Lewis said to George’s father with a warm, bright smile, as if this was just another day for him. George on the other hand could feel beads of sweat forming at his temple and on the back of his neck. He felt warm all over, and that his shirt collar was about to strangle him at any moment. Though the ground swallowing him whole without any warning would have been much more preferable.
“Thank you so much for coming.” His mother’s gentle hand on George’s shoulder somewhat pulled him back into the present.
“I’m afraid my wife and I have a rather busy schedule today, but Prince George will be joining you for tea.”
Lewis looked over at George, his eyes all warm and dark brown and… had a small twinge of concern within them.
“Please just call me George.” The words rapidly flew out of his mouth before Lewis could bow say ‘Your Highness’.
“George.” Lewis said softly, and even with a small smile. George was starting to wonder if the polo match last week had just been a bizarre fever dream. It was almost like the mallet incident had been completely forgotten about. Or, much more likely, Sir Lewis Hamilton was an utterly fantastic actor and his talents were wasted on the aristocracy. “It’s an honour to meet you properly at last.”
George’s mother quickly cleared her throat. George should have instigated a handshake by now.
“The pleasure’s mine,” He jutted his right hand out, and every single muscle in his arm was tense as he watched Lewis’ hand glide into his. The handshake was firm, but warm. All George could think about was how soft Lewis’ skin was beneath his fingers. “I…”
“Tea is being served on the West Terrace, perhaps afterwards George can take you on a tour of the gardens…” The soft tones of The Queen’s voice caused Lewis to drop George’s hand and fall in step with her as she, George’s father, Andrew, Lewis and the man George assumed to be his secretary all left the foyer while George’s feet remained glued to the stone floor.
“We’ll be just a minute.” Marcus said to Andrew quietly, the look on his face was enough for the two of them to be left alone. George had told Marcus about the incident with Lewis and the polo mallet in a blind panic while they were in the car on their way back to the palace. Marcus had just reassured him that so long as Lewis didn’t need to go to hospital then it would all be a simple mishap that would be forgotten about in a few weeks.
Once George and Marcus were alone in the foyer, George allowed himself one whole second to breathe before speaking with a rather freeing sense of clarity.
“I’m flinging myself off the nearest balcony.”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am.” George nodded to himself and took a firm step towards the courtyard.
“No- George,” The sternness in Marcus’ voice was what managed to stop George in his tracks, and he slowly turned round. “You are going to be yourself, and see this through.”
“You say that as if you’ve had a hand in all of this.” George looked at his personal secretary of just over 18 months with a heavy frown.
Marcus rolled his eyes and tucked his folio under his arm so he could quickly fix George’s tie.
“I wasn’t going to let your parents marry you off to the first eligible man they saw you know.”
George let out a long sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“If anything, you can use this as an opportunity to properly apologise for being such an idiot.”
George couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, it was better than crying or being distressed about the strange scenario he found himself in. And after catching his breath and giving himself the smallest of peptalks, he walked alongside Marcus over to the West terrace.
“My apologies,” George flashed a perfectly charming smile at his parents. “I couldn’t decide if I needed my sunglasses, it’s so bright today.” He turned to Lewis who was stood with his hands clasped behind his back. A round table had been set out on the stone terrace with two chairs sat opposite each other. While no cakes or scones were in sight, it had been draped with a crisp white table cloth and had the palace’s finest tableware in front of each chair with the afternoon sun glinting off the silver cutlery. “Has someone asked what tea you’d like?” George asked Lewis, remembering to be the attentive host.
“Green please, if that’s possible.”
“Certainly, I’ll inform the kitchen.” Andrew said and almost immediately disappeared inside. George’s parents, plus Marcus and Lewis’ secretary followed suit, leaving George and Lewis alone. The air remained still with no hint of a breeze, and in the distance George could hear the sound of birds tweeting in the trees. It was quite perfect.
“You’re welcome to sit down, any chair you like.”
Lewis opted for the chair closest to him, and quietly sat down. George quickly did the same.
“I um…” He didn’t know where to begin. The apology for almost breaking Lewis’ nose, or revealing to Lewis why he was really at the palace. “I have to apologise for what happened at the polo match at Blenheim Palace last week,” He curled his hands into fists under the table so he could maintain eye contact with Lewis.
“It was my own fault,” Lewis briefly bit down on his bottom lip. “I should have knocked… well you can’t knock on a tent but you know what I mean.” He added with a shy laugh. “I wanted to introduce myself to you somewhere quiet before all of this.” He vaguely waved a hand around in the air, gesturing to the palace and grounds around him.
George once again found himself dumfounded in Sir Lewis Hamilton’s presence without a single word coming out of his mouth. “You know?! About…” He spluttered before trailing off in disbelief.
“Well, in the sense that Bono and I put two and two together. Especially when you were all your father talked about when he sought me out last week.” Lewis paused as one of the doors opened and their afternoon tea was brought out. George’s parents must have insisted on the china, white patterned with blush pink. It was the same set used at Cara’s wedding breakfast.
“Thank you Matt.” George said with a smile to the palace’s Head Butler.
“You’re welcome Your Highness, Sir Hamilton.” He bowed slightly, and quickly left.
The scones, tiny lemon tarts, macarons and finger sandwiches would all have been made fresh, as by the looks of things was the small dishes of strawberry and apricot jam.
“Go ahead, please,” George waved a hand at the table. “You do not need to start eating when I do.”
Lewis snickered, and poured himself tea. George watched the pale green liquid flow seamlessly from the spout of the teapot to the teacup, and waited until Lewis had set the pot back down before speaking again.
“And if you need anything else please just ask.” George reached for his own teapot, which would likely be filled with steaming Earl Grey, and filled his cup before adding a splash of milk.
“So, is this were we get to know each other?” Lewis first examined the contents of the tea stand, and then quickly glanced over at George.
Most of what George knew about Lewis came from passing comments and snippets of news articles. He had interests in fashion and music, and was apparently quite the skilled pianist. And as for George, most of his life had the tendency to get splashed across the front pages. Everyone knew his secrets moments after George had discovered them.
They talked about the weather, and the food in front of them. Lewis said with a small blush in his cheeks that he hoped George’s parents weren’t secretly watching from a window on the first floor. And while George didn’t say it out loud, he didn’t put it past them. It was a shame really, if George’s parents weren’t the King and Queen of the United Kingdom, he would probably get on with them quite well.
“If you’d figured out that my parents are only interested in marrying me off…” George shook his head and sighed once he’d finished his first sandwich. He was grateful at least that he hadn’t been the one to drop the bombshell right on Lewis’ head. “I’m very surprised you still came here.”
Lewis leaned back in his chair, and glanced over his shoulder at the perfectly manicured lawn that was once again set to host many a garden party this Summer. One of them had likely been earmarked for George to attend with his new boyfriend, whoever he turned out to be.
“I might not be royalty, but I’m still nobility.” Lewis spoke with the air of the son of a Duke. The Larbalestier’s had been gifted the peerage of Northamptonshire over a century ago, and it had caused quite a stir at the time when Lewis’ father married into the family. But their reputation within society was spotless. Lewis had earned his Knighthood through his various charity work, both through sports and the arts to give children from disadvantaged and ethnic minority backgrounds a chance that no one else would.
“In an ideal world, at least according to my father,” Lewis continued. “I would have gotten married myself a long time ago.” There had been rumours of Lewis being involved with a German socialite just over ten years ago, and even louder speculation of a rather messy break up that followed three years later. “At least this way… maybe we both get some kind of say in how this will all play out.”
George bit down on his lip and looked down at his empty plate while his leg started to bounce nervously.
“We hardly know each other.” George’s voice came out breathless, like the air was being squeezed out of his lungs.
“From what I’ve heard, you seem like a very good man.”
George had to fight himself not to scoff in reply. Whoever Lewis’ source was, it probably wasn’t Alex.
“You’re clearly very brave if you’re willing to jump head first into The Royal Family.” George gulped and reached out for a sandwich, ham and mustard by the looks of it, and immediately let it fall onto his plate with a small thud.
“Like I said,” Lewis paused to bring his teacup to his lips. “I’m nobility already, I know exactly what I’d be getting myself in for.”
George could see it all now, the headlines, the news features, the questions, jokes about who would propose to who… it sounded like hell. As if the spotlight on him wasn’t bright enough. It was part of the reason why George had never gone out of his way to find someone, he was too terrified at what that kind of pressure would do to someone from the outside. That they might end up resenting George forever for something he had no way of controlling.
“Why me?”
“I’ve heard you speak a lot about how you wish your family would do more, not just with charity work but… real lasting action. That was what you said in your speech at the COP summit last year right?”
George slowly nodded. He had no idea Lewis had been in attendance, let alone had found George’s opening speech so interesting that he’d chosen to remember it.
“Well, maybe together we can.”
Lewis had clearly been thinking about the practicalities of the potential arrangement a lot longer than George had. Marriages in the Royal Family were never just for love, it was about spectacle and image and simply just doing what was expected. And while credit where credit was due this iteration of the monarchy had been free from scandal, but to some they weren’t very interesting either. George could immediately see his parents plans now, host a big Royal wedding while making themselves look relevant to society at the same time. Quite the power move.
“Believe me when I say that I’ve spent a long time this past week thinking about this.” Lewis said firmly. “And I like to think that… if any shit hit the fan I would have my husband there to support me, and vice versa.”
“Yes… yes of course you would.” George said quietly, with every ounce of sincerity he could muster. While he still wasn’t particularly keen on the idea, he still like to think himself as capable of being kind to the poor soul who ended up marrying him.
He let out a long shaky breath, and ate his second sandwich in two bites. Very undignified behaviour for such a handsome young Prince.
“I still feel like I have to apologise for you ending up being involved in all of this.” George said once he’d taken a large gulp of his tea. Lewis just looked down at the crumbs on his plate and let out a small hum.
“As I said, my parents want me to be engaged within a year since they’re… rather desperate for me to not be single any longer. And it’s not that I don’t want a family someday, because I do,” As Lewis looked up at George, he could see a small flicker of warmth in his eyes. “I just want to have some choice over who I spend the rest of my life with.”
“And you feel like this is you having a choice.” George scoffed, and picked up a macaron without looking and ate it in one bite.
“I could have just about gotten out of this if I wanted. You would be amazed at the number of dinners Bono has managed to get me out of.” Lewis said with a small shake of the head. “Sorry, I’m supposed to call him Peter in such a formal setting, but he hates it.”
It was strange. It was almost like Lewis was giving George advise on how to say hello to Bono when they met for the first time. As if all of this was going to go somewhere.
“But, if I’m not to your taste then-”
“Oh no!” George exclaimed so loudly his knee accidentally hit the bottom of the table and caused everything to move a couple of millimetres. “Your complete honesty is… so refreshing. You’ve no idea.” Lewis was also unbearably handsome. Well-groomed stubble that looked stylish, not scruffy. Flawless skin that glowed in the sunshine, and deep brown eyes that despite everything were so warm, and kind. George told himself not to think about how well fitted Lewis’ suit was to his frame. “I just… this has all been sprung on me quite suddenly.”
“Ah,” Lewis nodded, a knowing look on his face. Silence fell over the table and a soft breeze briefly brushed over George’s skin. It seemed to help reset his brain as he let out a small sigh.
“I know it was my mother’s suggestion, but if you would like to see the gardens I’d be happy to give you a tour. We can come back to this afterwards.”
Lewis smiled, and it briefly turned into a grin. “I’d like that.”
George called for Matt, who he knew would be waiting just inside to cater to any of Lewis’ and George’s whims, and he asked for the tea stands to be covered while George and Lewis walked round the palace gardens. Matt gave a small nod of his head, and said of course, adding that the rose garden had looked particularly lovely this morning.
Lewis gestured for George to lead the way, and George waited so he and Lewis could walk side by side down the long path towards the rose garden.
“Now we can have some actual privacy.” Already George’s shoulders felt ten times lighter as he ran a hand through his hair to loosen some of the gel. It was such a small thing, but already he felt so much more like himself. “We can compare notes on our parents scheming if you’d like?”
Lewis’ snort quickly turned into a bright laugh, his eyes even crinkled at the corners.
“What’s your favourite film?” Lewis asked instead. And truth be told it did feel better doing the getting to know you questions like this, completely away from prying eyes. They exchanged films, songs, and their shared belief at just how absurd their lives really were by the time they’d reached the wrought iron gate that led to the rose garden.
George pulled the gate open and gestured for Lewis to go first. He stopped a few paces in to look around, and let out a small wonderous sigh. If George had been asked what his favourite part of the palace grounds was, he gave the gardens as a generic answer. But very few people knew that the rose garden was actually his favourite. He frequently took breakfast here in the Summer, and sometimes just liked to sit and read a book while time passed around him.
“The rose garden was my Grandfather’s first wedding anniversary present to my Grandmother,” George explained as he and Lewis began their slow walk round. It was set out in an oval with a small stone fountain in the middle that you could just about sit of the edge of without falling in. “My Grandma loved roses, so my Grandfather had this built for her.”
“What? Just like that?” Lewis said with a snap of his fingers. George immediately noticed the delicate tattoos inked onto his skin before humming in reply. “Wow,” Lewis’ eyes briefly widened. “He must have really loved her.”
“Yeah… yes they loved each other very much.” George said quietly, his eyes trained on the ultra-fine gravel that crunched beneath the soles of his black leather shoes. When he finally looked up upon realising that Lewis hadn’t said anything, George saw him paused in front of a bush of bright yellow roses in full bloom. Lewis delicately ran his index finger along the edge of one of the petals before leaning down to inhale its scent. “I wish I could tell you all the different varieties we have, but botany was never my strong suit.” Like many of the previous royals, George had studied politics at university before his quick stint in the air force.
“What do you like to do in your spare time?” Lewis asked, looked back up at George with his head slightly tilted to the side. “What do you do when you’re just George?”
George coughed out a small laugh. “As tragic as it sounds, I don’t get to be ‘just George’ very often.”
“But when you do…” Lewis asked again, clearly not wanting to let the point go. George let out a long sigh and let his shoulders sink down a couple of centimetres. He hated talking about his interests to other people in case he sounded dreadfully boring.
“I like photography, I’m not very good at it but I enjoy it. On a quiet day our head chef lets me into the kitchen and he teaches me a new recipe. It’s a wonder I haven’t chopped all my fingers off by now, but Riki’s very patient.” George’s cheeks flushed red as he glanced down at the ground and let out a nervous laugh. Lewis just stayed smiling at him. “What about you? What do you do when you’re… just Lewis?”
Lewis talked at great length about music, but also fashion. How he’d helped designed the suit he was currently wearing amongst others. That he loved it as a creative outlet while also giving himself some control over his identity, and that he only dressed for himself and not the approval of others. It sounded so freeing. In the past George had often heard whispers at galas over people gushing over what the son of the Duke of Northamptonshire was wearing, sometimes George had managed to catch a glimpse of him, and other’s he was left feeling disappointed when he didn’t.
They found themselves halfway round the rose garden before either of them had really noticed.
“You do have a say in this you know.” Lewis said with a raised eyebrow, turning the conversation back to the whole marriage fiasco. George wasn’t so sure. The only thing he knew was that he really didn’t want to go through this again, and meet whoever else his parents had lined up for him. Would they be as understanding as Lews was? As thoughtful? George assumed not.
And maybe it all felt very easy, choosing Lewis after being with him for barely an hour. Like he was once again doing exactly once his parents were telling him to do. But there was something in the immediate comfort George felt from being around Lewis that he didn’t want to let go of. It was a kind of safety he’d only ever felt with Alex or Marcus.
“A part of me hoped when I was thinking about all of this last night,” When he had been tossing and turning in bed, more accurately. “That… so long as I’m getting married as my parents want, I will as you say, have some input in how it all happens.” George knew he wouldn’t get left alone completely. His first public appearance with his new partner would probably be at Wimbledon. The Trooping of the Colour was both too soon and far too formal for George to suddenly show up out of the blue with a boyfriend. Not a soul would care about the parade at that point. And the engagement would be planned to within an inch of its life.
But George was starting to hope that if he did pick Lewis, then maybe he would at the very least get a friend out of it all. And most importantly he seemed to be fully aware of what he was doing.
“You’re really sure about all of this?” George asked Lewis firmly, looking right into his eyes to get a read on his frame of mind.
“Of all the options I have… this is the best one. Believe me.”
George admired his determination. If Lewis was going to become a Prince he was going to need it. Lewis seemed to have it in spades, as he was the only to hold his hand out for George to shake, like he was offering a deal.
“Will you marry me?” He said not completely sarcastically.
George let himself throw his head back and laugh so much his shoulders shook. The rose garden had played host to both Benjy’s and Cara’s engagement announcements, chances were it would be the venue for George’s too. He could see it all now flashing before him in his mind. Their first formal appearance together, the engagement announcement next Autumn, how probably in two years’ time to the day George would be waiting for Lewis at the end of the aisle in Westminster Abbey with his new title on his shoulders and Lewis walking towards him, and all the state visits that would follow for the rest of their lives. And, as Lewis had said, all the good they could do together.
George pressed his lips together and nodded, before clasping Lewis’ hand with his.
“I will.”
#hypersoftfest.creations#my writing#gewis#I wrote another thing!!!!!#this was actually for the week 5 prompt but I just got a) too inside my own head and b) caught up with TRoS and work stuff#also also BIG thank you to synth for helping out with proofreading this!!!!!!!!!#britcedes
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Finished Blossoms in Adversity.
It was a pretty flawed drama, and Hu Yitian remains the second least watchable leading man in cdramas for me but it really was consistently the airing drama I'd watch FIRST - it really was an addicting watch despite its flaws.
The best thing? I don't know how they managed to get it past the censors, but they actually had the emperor as the Big Bad.
He was the one who exiled FL's family men unjustly, he was the one who punished and messed with her because he didn't like his nephew caring for anyone outside of him, and as the above scene indicates, even his gaslit/brainwashed/enmeshed in abused fashion nephew finally had enough. Every positive character who had an opinion hated him (FL literally called him out at one point!) and all the negative ones did too. He was not shown to do any of his petty, cruel, arbitrary things for the greater good but because he was a paranoid, self-absorbed man.
The best part? No last minute, death bed redemption of any kind. You think there would be one, as he lies dying from poison (inflicted by his own son! with the help of a foreign agent who is portrayed as justified and sympathetic!) but nope. Gu Yanxi, who realistically still loves his abusive as fuck father figure (because that's how it goes in rl), is all "I am sorry for stuff I did/said, I still love you, I will remain security head blah blah") and I expected the emperor to say he loved him and no pls go live your best life, find your happiness, I am sorry for being a bastard daddy etc etc but NOPE. Emperor just says "Yanxi" and croaks. (And same with his one remaining child, the sixth prince. He does not repent for how he treated his small son who saved his life, he does not appoint him heir etc. It's the dowager who trots the kid out.)
It's pretty telling that everyone gets a happy ending but only after the old monster croaks. The kid emperor pardons the Hua men who come back, Yanxi gives up his awful job and gets married and he and Hua Zhi peace the hell out of politics and business and just travel the world all over with no responsibilities etc etc.
I also liked how realistically tailored to various people the ending was in terms of happiness. Youngest uncle and aunt and their daughter go traveling, and I loved that - they were my faves except for sister and her OTP. Sister and her boo are in court, SML (who really wasn't - he never really pined and barely showed up) is a royal tutor, various younger married ladies have their own happiness (and I love that for one of them, it's a very realistic happiness of ruling her not attractive husband's concubines, business and household and getting his respect and buy in. She was neither looking for nor getting true love and that was fine with her) and the older generation of women also finding their calling that isn't just about the husbands (business, charity work etc etc.)
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Okay, okay...how about a hc about a reader that just sacrifices everything??? Like...
You have not enough money? READER GIVES YOU ALL THEIR MONEY!
You and reader have barely eaten and there's only one plate of anything left? Oops, reader has already given you the plate.
In a match? Everyone got away except reader because they always sacrificed themself OOPS
I noticed that I always sacrifice myself for my friends, be it rl or in idv, it's always the same..ehehe
Could I wish for norton, orpheus, naib and emma for this? I'm afraid I don't know how many people you write for. If there are too many, you can leave some out
Ps. Love your writing style!! 💕
[ 🦷🎀 𝙰𝚠𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍! 𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚕𝚊𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚢𝚕𝚎. 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍! <𝟹 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝟹 𝚊𝚖 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎, 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝. 𝙸 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚜𝚘 𝚗𝚘 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢! 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎. 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍!]
🍩 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥 🍩 , 📖 𝐎𝐫𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐮𝐬 📖, 🟢 𝐍𝐚𝐢𝐛 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐫 🟢 & 🌿 𝐄𝐦𝐦𝐚 𝐖𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐬 🌿
𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒/𝐎
🍩 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥 🍩
This guy grew up on the generosity of others. Being in the mines, it was pretty tough so everyone did what they could to make such a dull a little easier on each other.
Listen. He won't say no if you're coughing up money. Absolutely not... Donuts too? Okay damn-.. HEY! HE'S THE HARASSER! DON'T START TRYING TO PROTECT HIM-
He isn't the type of person for a charity case. He prefers to work hard to achieve what he wants. It not only, shows that he deserves it, but it's plenty refreshing when he actually earns it. So he's a little off put by your generosity at first...
Everytime you give him something. He clarifies "I'm not giving this back".
He's always dumbfounded by the "I know!" Response he got back. Sure, there was generosity... But you were either just.. Stupid or had no sense of value to anything. He just sort of... Questions your sanity a bit.
📖 𝐎𝐫𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐮𝐬 📖
Honestly, he finds it pretty damn endearing. He doesn't really need anything, but the way you just give anything up to anyone in need truly inspires him.
It's also a little concerning-. Like... You need to take care of yourself, please start putting yourself before other people. You're just as important as others.
He definitely feels bad everytime you're left on chair. You're the type of person to give the shirt of your back to someone in need, so how is it fair that you always get sent back?
He definitely gives back to you in some way. Maybe he slides you some of his own food when he's not hungry to make sure you're getting properly fed, or bodyblock you so you quite literally can't sacrifice yourself without wasting precious time and energy. Hehe, sneaky novelist.
🌿 𝐄𝐦𝐦𝐚 𝐖𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐬 🌿
This girl finds it a little funny that you're always getting sent back to the manor. It's not anything too bad.. It's just an instinct for you to throw yourself into danger so she can escape. It's pretty sweet..
She's also pretty self sacrificing herself. So you know that one picture where it's this couple being held at gun point and they keep going 'noo' to protect each other? Yeah that's you two.. It's all pretty light hearted though.
Does not forget to show you love for all the things you do for her. Flowers litter your room, attempted meals made by her showcase her appreciation and lots of affection. She truly does appreciate you.
She knows you can be pretty self sacrificial so she's often trying to help you out by disabling chairs before you can actually get chaired. This gives you a small opportunity to self heal and RUN.
🟢 𝐍𝐚𝐢𝐛 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐫 🟢
Listen. He loves you. But oh my gOD. He does all of those rescues FOR NOTHING. CAN YOU AT LEAST TRY TO STAY OUT OF DANGER BECAUSE YOU ARE ON YOUR LAST CHAIR AND HE ABSOLUTELY WILL LEAVE YOU HERE.
He appreciates any food you give him. But, he will often half the food you do give to him. Like, if you slyly slip a loaf of bread suddenly onto his place, expect to enjoy half of it with him. He knows what it's like to go hungry and he doesn't want you to experience that.
No matter how many times you frustrate him to hell and back with your absolutely generosity and kindness, he can't help but admire that about you. The world is filled with assholes of every degree, you make this manor a little more tolerable.. Sometimes.
He can also be kind of self sacrificing due to his time in the army, so he will also do his best to make sure you're in tip top shape, but he will indulge in your kindness as some sort of guilty pleasure for the mercenary
#its 3 am#identity v#idv#anon#anon ask#x reader#x y/n#naib subedar x reader#naib x reader#naib subedar#idv naib#norton campbell#norton campbell x reader#norton x reader#emma woods#emma woods idv#emma woods x reader#emma x reader#orpheus identity v#orpheus idv#Orpheus x reader
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My orchids have all been gifted by my parents over the years. One is currently in glorious bloom despite my neglect, one is winter blooming and therefore currently sulking, and the third is between flower stems right now. It's the finicky winter one that seems to suffer the neglect worst - you can actually see on the leaves where the growth has been very inconsistent.
The latest on the bird feeder: the sparrows call their mates over when they spy me topping up the feeder, and there can be upwards of a dozen at a time. The pigeons, on the other hand, have literal fights. Today I saw a pair of pigeons fighting each other on the wall - not even on the feeder, on the wall a couple of feet away from it. Sitting in the peanut bowl was the fattest great tit I have ever seen, happily stuffing its face while they were busy squabbling.
Small round birb beats large birbs 😊
So I know that my tendency to think that purchasing stuff is the solution to my unhappiness is false, is internalised propaganda from capitalism... However.
I think I need to buy more plants.
The two plants I do have are thriving, and seeing them makes me happy. I can't go outside very much because of my health condition, so I think I need to bring the outside to me. With pot plants.
So I need to buy some plants, or at least seeds, seeing as I already have a bunch of pots and soil.
And my sensible flatmate/ carer has signed off on buying more plants being a good idea.
So I get to buy things
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Fucking twatting wanking fucktard doctors! And their shitty gatekeeping receptionist's!
Ààaaaaaaaaaaaaaàaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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✨2023 writing round-up✨
I enjoyed seeing @exhuastedpigeon 's write-up and thought I'd post mine :)
I wrote 97k words in 2023. Which is more than I thought! I struggled with finding time to be creative this year. My RL has been such a chaotic ball of stress. But things are getting better, and I think my Muse will be more exited to come out and play this year!
February
bro·ken 32k
This was my favorite story I wrote this year. It’s dark, gritty, and a deep exploration of what would have happened if Eddie and Buck hadn’t meet until the S3 timeline. With both guys at rock-bottom and how they find each other to heal.
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bro·ken
adjective 1. having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order. 2. having given up all hope; despairing.
Forced to take shady side jobs to pay his bills, Evan Buckley doesn’t think he’s ever seen such rock bottom. Until he meets Eddie Diaz, a man even more desperate and alone. Season 3 AU.
March
Not Today 2k
A coda to the lightning strike that uses those events to explore Eddie’s encounters and emotional understanding of death.
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Eddie propelled himself up the ladder, shutting off those parts of brain he refused to listen to, only focusing on how fast he could climb, how hard he tried pulling on Buck’s safety line, until finally, he gave in to the only logic he was willing to consider.
What Buck needed; Eddie couldn't provide.
(Eddie and his battles with death and dying)
We’ve Got Fun & Games 7k
I wrote humor? :) It was a great fun to have the 118-taking part in a mini version of the Amazing Race and all the shenanigans that follow during a contest across the city.
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"Um. You trained for this?” Ravi asked.
Eddie released a long-suffering sigh. "We trained. Every day. For a month.”
Buck could not believe his ears. Did they not grasp the glory of the great adventure before them? He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “Running across the scorching plains of Africa, bolting down the steep steps of Shanghai, diving straight into synchronized swimming routines with Olympic athletes in Moscow. These are only a few obstacles we might encounter during…The Amazing Race."
Bobby frowned. "This is for charity.”
Buck spread out his arms to encompass the couple hundred people mingling around the park. "And it’s against all the other firehouses in the city. We do have a reputation to uphold."
April
Tick...Tick...Boom 3.6k
A very intense story on the dangers first responders face during a call gone wrong.
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“Eddie,” Buck warned.
He started to say something else when the door cracked open.
A woman poked her head out, her voice shaking. “Yes?”
“Are you alright ma’am?” Eddie asked.
The question was rhetorical. Blood dripped down her chin from a busted lip, her puffy face framed by the beginnings of two black eyes.
“I’m fine. Is there, um…,” A shadow loomed. Her trembling hand gripped the door frame harder. “How can I help you, officers?”
“We’re with the L.A. Fire Department,” Eddie said, his voice calm. “We really need to come in. It’ll just take a moment.”
The woman glanced behind her, whispering, “I can’t…. I’m trying….”
The shadow retreated.
Eddie stuck his foot under the door, slowly pushing it open as he eased his way inside. “It’s okay. We’re here to help.”
May
We All Fall Down 3.5 k
I wanted more from the finale. Like the skeleton was there, but I needed more details and bit more logic.
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He’d done this before. Inside the well. Trapped forty feet underground instead of in a tin can, rising water the constant threat.
Eddie stared at the radio, knowing this time there’d be someone on the other end to hear him if he needed to say something. If his time his second chances had finally run out.
He wouldn’t die alone. Not really. His team would be there. Just inches away. He could tell them, tell Buck….
(A nuanced re-working of the events of the episode to satisfy certain wants and needs)
August
Cutting The Ties That Bind 34.K M
I wrote something that wasn’t a hurt/comfort or an angst fest! It had lots of sexual tension, drama, and meaty plot. I love world-building.
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Evan Buckley was a businessman, he had meetings and deadlines like everyone else. Sometimes he used intimation. While using the very same tactics he was trying to end while converting his family business into legitimate operations was a little hypocritical, it was the results that mattered.
Occasionally, he got threatened, but it was usually all hot air and ego. That all changed the day his breaks were tampered with. Enter Eddie Diaz, security specialist, who was not easily impressed by Buck’s expensive suits or financial conquests. That was okay. Buck enjoyed a challenge.
(The Mafia AU)
November
Follow You Into The Dark 14k
I had a need. I wanted to put both Eddie and Buck in the worst possible situation where they literally had to depend on the other in ways they had never before.
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Buck kept a firm grip around Eddie’s arm as he was guided down hallways. They’d both experienced something like this before during the Academy: cadet’s exercises where both teammates were blindfolded and forced to depend on the other to escape burning buildings. This wasn’t unlike that experience, except of course this was real and Buck’s freaking eyes were swollen shut and Eddie was concussed and deaf.
(Or a serial arsonist terrorizes the city, plunging Buck and Eddie into a dangerous game of cat and mouse.)
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Still alive, still jobless and living through hell, but I'm hanging there, not sure for how long. This Darkner will keep pressing onwards even if he needs to work as cleaner of decks on a sinking ship.
My commissions are open ad infinitum for anyone else interested into sending some kromer in my general direction and receive a goodie back ➡ Commission List
As for other things, I've been advancing the coding of the visual-novel in Python. It works. It only needs that I start to add my art and my stories. Time is not being a good mistress, I can barely have some for my things, as I keep doing stuff for everyone else but myself because I'm an indentured serf right now.
I've been considering turning this blog into a more "generic" blog for things related to my art, and move my blog project to a community, where I can post my brainstorming, half-baked sketches and ideas for the plot. I called it "Delta-Gambit Waiting Room", because I know the wait is going to be very long until I manage to find some stabilization in my life so that I can put more focus on my project (and finish the 3D things I've pending). I'll keep posting finished things on this blog though, but the rest of the dev-log would be moved to the community blog.
And for other RL related stuff, if you are curious just click below for the long form. For anything else, this is the short update about the status of the Deltarune AU: still working on it, but not as much as I wish I could (and I shall not stop because it's my life's passion to finally publish this AU for all and sundry to enjoy).
See you next year, with any luck. As long as I can get water for me and milk for Spamton, I think I'll be able to survive the turning of the year 👋
Edit: I forgot to add, I'm preparing the channel of YouTube that will contain the animated shorts based on your interactions with my characters through Tumblr, and to upload prototypes of the AU's story. With that format I aim to usher people into meeting the characters and to get them to know them better. Until I can upload the first video I'm still creating, I'll not disclose the link to the channel. I know it's hard to wait for content to land but I'm doing my utmost to find some time to advance everything into the right direction. Le patience.
I've been in paperwork hell for a month. Signed for food assistance during the last week of November, and after 3 weeks going back and forth trying to gather all the papers that assures the townhall that I don't get enough money to pay the bills and buy food and water at the same time, I'm still in the "waiting" part, if the townhall is going to call me to say yes or nay to my plea for assistance to get food, I'm not sure if it will be before the end of the year...
On the other side, gathered the same papers to get food from a local charity group who might give me food and water in a more readily manner than waiting for the townhall to start giving me scrips to exchange for the same products at a supermarket. I've hopes this group will help more swiftly. I'll be heading tomorrow with the papers towards the pantry they have in town.
I'm also scrambling to get a local job, anything, I don't mind if I work on the fields, farms, cashier, whatever. Apparently my online certificates has 0 value locally, and I need to pay for courses to get local certificates to get local jobs. My most urgent ones are to get certified in English and get Food Handler license too (as most of the jobs I was offered up so far required this essential). I don't have money to renovate my driving license (nor a single vehicle to my name since I needed to sell my car), and I'm going to apply for some scholarships around May (with any hopes).
This means that the "paradise" of going full freelancer online is a paradise no more. After so many years, one finally understands that AI took over most of the gigs we were in charge to keep, and we can't get into a 4th month without a job waiting for a company to have mercy of us humans.
So, life not being any lenient with me. Once the tap is closed, no more water will run and you need to look somewhere else. The only problem is that getting the certificates will not be cheap, and it will take long as for English for example is like 6 months per course (mostly I'm aiming to become a chamberlain in a hotel or a bellboy at least and English is requirement), but at least Food Handler is something that can be acquired within the day, but I still need confirmation for a few things from my local employment agency before even applying for it, which sucks because time is not running in my favour.
Currently I'm living with a person that is here just to make sure I don't end homeless. Nothing else, is very bad company, taking advantage of my precarious situation to post herself as my owner. Living with a narcissistic person that regards you as a failure and treats you like a servant, is making this indentured hell a far worse inferno. The roasting is daily, she mocks my genre dysphoria and the stress is so unbearable I got sick a few times (mostly problems with my brain not working and inducing me some manner of seizure that disabled me from laying down horizontally for 4 days -- needed to sleep in a sit'd position for 2 days). Is not a good life, but I need to endure through this opprobrium to avoid being tossed to the dumpster.
I keep praying for better times. This year had good highlights, but most of the year were just foreshadowing that I was going to become stranded and kromerless. That my computer started to break apart at the most untimely moment also seemed like salt added to the wound of the foreshadowing. I'm still GPU-less, and drawing with the Motorola phone as better as I can to keep up with the 2D commissions, but overall, still not the best source of income (and I'm not sure if it is because I'm not popular enough to get customers, or really my art style sucks too much to be worth half a kromer).
That's another reason I want to upload my other generic art to this blog, just to demonstrate that I can art. It does sound like the words of a desperate salesman, doesn't it? At this rate I should not be above drawing smut, if that will get me more customers but... really, not my cup of tea, but if I must, why not. Beggars can't be choosers, right?
Thanks for reading to the bottom. Until then, see you next post (I'll try to make sure that there is another post). It's possible that I'll be more active at the community for stuff related to the AU. You are welcome to take a gander there if you want, and I apologize in advance for the trickle of content from my part.
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