#the rich guy in the shipping container!!

[english-mace]

...okay which of you had 'forbes column on the efficacy of game mechanics in exploring moral complexity in 2019's Disco Elysium' on your apollo dodgeball list because,

[rensylph]

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍 ( 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 𝐀𝐔 )

<< yandere genshin highschool Au >>

You are a student at teyvat high, a prestigious highschool only for the wealthy and the elite has managed to get in due to one of your family members managed for you to be a student in the school, little did you know your presence will catch the hearts of many students.

Characters : Diluc, kaeya, thoma, ayato, alhaitham, kaveh, childe, scaramouche, xiao, kazuha, albedo, venti

⚠️Warning : this may contain some NSFW, non con touching, stalking and other content you may found uncomfortable ⚠️

( English is not my first language )

𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄

NAME : ( name ) ( last name )

CLASS : 2A

CLUB : music club

FAVORITE SUBJECT : ( your choosing )

( Name ) A second year student, a member of the music club, born from a middle class family has become an object of many students desires.

Diluc

A senior of yours, he is part of the student council. He is the son of a prestigious german family that owns a multi million wine company, is pretty popular in the school and is highly admired by the teachers due to his gentleman personality

Visit your band practice just to admire you play the instrument, he just stands there or takes a sit at one of the empty sits and just listens to you play your instrument without the bother of your other club members glaring at him.

Everyday for lunch he always buys extra grape juices just for you, as a sign of owner ship and glares daggers at his brother kaeya every time he tries to flirt with you. Every time a student approaches or talks to you other than him he will be jealous, so every time you approach he will have a hundred questions.

KAEYA

The adoptive brother of diluc, and also a third year your senior, local playboy of the school, many students including the girls have a huge crush on him and he also tends to flirt with anyone and find it amusing. He used him charms and good looks to enchant the entire school, he is also part of the fencing club in school

Very clingy and affectionate, he will hug you by the waist and every time you would complain on how uncomfortable it was, he would just brush it off and say you're being overdramatic there's nothing wrong with two people expressing emotion together.

Is actually insecure and has an infirior complex over his brother, diluc is a much more perfect candidate than him, hes the heir of the family company, has good grades and feels like diluc is much better than him. And this feelings torture him everyday. So every time he would try to one up with diluc for your affection

THOMA

A servant and student of the student council president ayato, and the only reason he manages to get it in is due to the kamisato siblings needing him at school hours. Basically a butler for the kamisato siblings as well doing the dirty work of the siblings.

Is heavily looked down on by the school's population, due to the school having a lot of high class students and the reason he's in the school is because the kamisato siblings lead him to be the subject for gossip and harsh remarks. Since your also reason to manage to get in the school is because one of your family members works at the school, you guys relate to being looked down upon by the schools

He will always bring an extra lunch box for you filled with special ingredients, he even bakes cupcakes for you with white frosting when you ask him what's inside he said its a secret, he can also play a guitar and sometimes you and him have a duet together. He doesn't tolerate anyone bad talking about your name so every time someone does it he will always give a "small" warning to them.

Ayato

Student council president as well the son and heir of a long rich and noble family, the elite of all. The school population swooned over him and he basked in their attention. You heard about him from the school multiple times but haven't seen him until you were accompanying Diluc to deliver some papers you finally met him personally

He would tend to make odd remarks to you like "I could just tie you up and not let you out of my sight" or "you're so cute, I could just shrink you down and let you live in my pocket" even tho this remarks are harmless you couldn't help the feeling actually meant those words 100% of all times. You Also have the feeling of being looked down upon by him, he doesn't look down on thoma since he knows what he's capable of.

Would give you head pats if you are done helping him, would also be found seeing you in band practice with diluc. He would invite you to fancy dinners in disguise as normal hang outs sometime the waiter identifies you as his girlfriend or fiance since you guys look like a couple, instead of correcting them he seems please as well if you do not join him he would make remarks of cutting budget on your club since he's the one that fund them.

Alhaitham

The school's number one in academics you can always expect him to be number one at any subject. the teacher's pet, his is willing to help the teachers with any task as long its not blocking his schedule. He is also brutally honest or doesn't know how to read the room or people, he's brain is always on its logical side.

Your professor asked alhaitham to tutor you because your grades have been falling recently, during tutoring alhaitham look down upon you for not understanding basic calculus but after the session you managed to ace your math test and received a head pat from him.

Soon it's normal for you and him to have a study session in your house or his apartment and you suspected he has a roommate since you found another room but he always gives a vague answer or not answer at all, but it always happens in your house soon you realize some of your clothing from your closet has started to disappear.

Kaveh

The art kid as well a person who is studying to be an architect, since alhaitham is the number one at academics. Kaveh is number two at academics behind alhaitham. Plus he excels at art and math more than alhaitham.

He's a passionate and kind person. He is very passionate about being an architect and perfection over his designs. You and him met during your first years at school where you saw him painting and the shine was shining and he was beautiful for a guy and a cough knocked you from your admiration. And that's how you and him met

He likes to make little trinkets for you a necklace and bracelets that are almost similar to his as well as small houses or hand crafted flowers basically small heartfelt hand crafts. He is obsessed with detail and so every gift has its meaning one of his favorites is an origami black rose.

Childe

It is a part of a gang of students called the fatui, and also the heir of a large toy company. He also excels at sports as a captain for the basketball team. By far he's a trouble maker always getting into fights the school is unable to do anything. Since he is by far one of principal's pierrot favorite students for some reason.

How did you guys meet, well you were accompanying your best friend lumine who's brother in the basketball team and you got hit by the head by the ball and knocked you out severely, when you wake up he was being lectured by your best friend. She was about to mole him alive until you woke up.

Every time you encounter him he will apologize every time and have an apology gift even tho the incident was a few months ago, he still gave you gifts for no apparent reason and how did he have the money to afford this much gifts he even gave you a necklace from swarovski that cost a lot. He will buy you lunch and he's very clingy as well.

Scaramouche

Also part of the gang that childe is part from, from a prestigious royal family. He was sent to live here by his mother who has a rocky relationship because he usually costs trouble for her until he learns to behave. Literally hates anyone and will roast and talk about how your existence ruins his day. You breathing next to him ruins his days.

Surprisingly he has friends who are kazuha a member of the literature club but he usually visits the music club to play the flute and who usually join him visiting your club, scaramouche and he usually makes criticism over how you play your instrument and how you suck at playing but why is he here, kazuha said to him that if his annoyed here he could leave but choose to stay you wonder why.

He makes small criticisms of you but you already have gotten used to it, and apparently he knows how to play the guitar. He easily gets jealous when other students or kazuha gets close to you one time you were teaching kazuha how to play the piano and your arm and his was touching and In the corner of your eye you could see scaramouche twitching with anger.

Xiao

Emo boy number #2, he's a part of the track field team, number one runner. He can be aggressive but he is not as much as scaramouche to be honest he's a decent guy just shy and doesn't know how to interact fully with anyone he can hold conversation but not that much.

He is very introverted and rarely interacts with anyone as long as it's someone who's close with him, he looks weak due to his short stature but he is very strong, known to bet up on some students who cause trouble. Him and childe usually have a spar

He would work as a body guard or protect you in the dark. You feel like watching at school or walking home from school it's xiao watching over you making sure you are safe.

Kazuha

One of your closest friends as well the chilliest person you ever met, he's in the same grade as you and you guys sit together. He's very well known in the entire school for his writings he's a very popular and chill guy that's what makes him likeable.

You guys sit together in class and sometime he would accidentally purposely rub his hands with you and when you look at him he would just give you a shrug or just basically act as if it was nothing.

He is well known for his writings right, and one of the most popular poetry he ever wrote was about love and about this person he had fallen in love with and wished to keep them from everyone and be the only one by their side, it's a pretty dark and twisted poetry about love. And every time when wrote about a poet of love he would have given you a glance at the crowd as if it was about you and for you.

Albedo

The smartest and one of the smartest guys at school, and very admired by the school and its population. Even tho some people find him weird it was overshadowed by his talents, people called him a genius who's on par with alhaitham on academics.

You guys were lab partners, and when you tried to help him he said you shouldn't and that this subject was easy so he told you just let him do all the work while you relax, it was an advanced subject. And the others were struggling while he was treating it like some sort of easy experiment.

He likes to draw and you have become one of his main inspirations, every detail of you has been drawn and it's almost looking at a picture by a camera.

Venti

A senior of yours and the leader of the music club. He's a master at any Instrument, a true embodiment of a music prodigy, his personal favorite instrument is the harp. He was originally recommended to the literature club but he rejected it but he does visit it regularly.

For a senior he is really clingy towards you, hugging you and always calling you his cute junior. You usually play together and he will point out some mistakes with your instrument but in a gentle way. And he told you how to hold or play your instrument while touching you in the hand.

He would be very clingy and gives he's rival a smirk while hugging you, he would play music for you and admire you while you're playing.

[terapsina]

Now that the writers and actors strike is about to begin being felt (and as we wait for those greedy billion dollar companies who are refusing to negotiate fair pay and conditions to give up) here's 10 of my favorite (all around best) fully finished older series you should definitely check out if you haven't watched.

I mean it, these are the shows with continuously great writing and a satisfying endings that manage to actually deliver on their promises.

-----

1. Leverage - (containing 5 seasons, or 77 episodes) - trailer here.

Hitter, Hacker, Grifter, Thief and Mastermind. Heists and cons. Stealing from the rich and giving to their victims. They provide... leverage.

Meant for anyone who enjoys bad guys being the best good guys, who will burn down the lives of evil CEOs and then gloat in the background. Very satisfying.

Hands down the best example of a found family trope I've ever seen on screen. Barring none.

2. Killjoys - (containing 5 seasons, or 50 episodes) - trailer here.

Space Bounty Hunters. Another case of found family trope. Bisexual space princess assassin. Quippy sentient ship. Green alien goo. Evil lesbians (but like... in a good way). The warrant is all.

More seriously though, it's a story about three killjoys and the bounties they go after. Initially. And then they have to save the entire Quad from some very terrifying... stuff.

Contains one of the best friendships I've ever seen on television.

3. Orphan Black - (containing 5 seasons, or 50 episodes) - trailer here.

Found family trope but with clones.

Low level grifter sees a woman who looks exactly like her kill herself and plans to take over her identity long enough to cash out. Except then there's two other women who also look exactly like her. And apparently they're all clones and someone's killing them.

Enter a global conspiracy. Human experimentation. Lots of clone shenanigans. Some serial killings. And a few murders 💖.

4. Person of Interest - (containing 5 seasons, or 103 episodes) - trailer here.

Okay I'm beginning to see how I might have a found family trope issue.

Former CIA agent gets recruited by a reclusive billionaire computer programmer who developed a... machine that can predict acts of terror before they happen. But it also predicts 'irrelevant' acts of violence that will result in someone's death.

Unless someone interferes.

I'd really like to spoil some stuff to get you all to watch this one. But I'm going to maintain self control and just mention that early on they get a dog named Bear. Bear is a very good boy. Watch it for Bear.

Also for excellent commentary on rights of privacy, government surveillance and what does 'greater good' even mean? But mostly Bear.

5. 12 Monkeys - (containing 4 seasons, or 47 episodes) - trailer here.

The very best time travel show out there. What starts out as a confusing mess of causality basically exploding, by the end of the series all makes complete and total sense.

(when that final timey-whimey loop slid into place and revealed the entire pattern it was like a choir of angels started singing in the back of my head. It was freaking glorious).

Anyway, a man from a post apocalyptic future travels into the past to stop a plague from decimating nearly the entire world population.

He has the name of the man who released the virus and it's supposed to be a single trip. One trip. One bullet. Simple. Done.

Except then things keep escalating, and escalating until time begins eating its own tail and it might start looking like the end of the world might be a better ending than erasing all of time and space from reality.

Because when our guys screw it up, they screw it up GOOD.

And oh yeah... found family.

6. The Good Place - (containing 4 seasons, or 53 episodes) - trailer here.

A self-proclaimed Arizona dirtbag opens her eyes and finds out that she's dead and got accepted in the Good Place. Except that as soon as she arrives the Good Place starts glitching, and she really, REALLY needs to become a better person before she can be found out and kicked out to the Bad Place.

Luckily her assigned soulmate was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy.

One of the funniest, most thoughtful and clever comedies I've ever watched. Ever. The characters are delightful and by the time the final minute rolled around I had sobbed my heart out multiple times (which, as we all know, is a sign of the very best comedies out there).

As for the question of whether or not this too contains Found Fami- Yes! Obviously, yes.

7. Avatar: the Last Airbender - (containing 3 seasons, or 61 episodes) - intro here (couldn't locate the trailer but it's basically the same thing in this case).

The four nations lived in harmony. Until the Fire Nation attacked.

It's been a hundred years since the beginning of the war when two kids from the Southern Water Tribe find a boy frozen in ice and wake him up. A boy who's able to bend all four elements... though not very well.

Enter multi-nation flying road trip (thank you Appa, we love you most of all) as they try to find teachers for the Avatar and save the world.

Includes found family (shut up), amazing fight scenes, the most heartfelt and vivid characters ever, and the best example of a redemption arc actually done well.

8. Love Between Fairy and Devil - (containing 1 season, or 36 episodes) - trailer here.

This one gutted me. I'm saying this as a compliment. But it had to be said. Completely destroyed me. I just haven't been the same.

A love story between an Orchid Fairy and the leader of the Moon Tribe that starts out with her accidentally releasing him from millennia long imprisonment and then takes you through the caleidoscope of all possible human emotions (it's a body-swap comedy through the first part, then a romcom, then a dramatic romantic tale, and finally a tragic love story).

But it's such a satisfying slow burn.

And it carries this... humanity through the whole thing that makes it so visceral.

If you're a romantic who's very tired of instalove and characters dropping all their morals because 'ooh, attractive person' then you've got to watch this. Because this story does NOT take the easy road there.

(my more extensive rec for this series can be found here)

9. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - (containing 7 seasons, or 133 episodes) - fanmade trailer here (it was better than any of the official ones).

This series did so much. Introduced Ahsoka Tano, and made us love her. Gave names and faces and souls to the Clone Troopers (okay, it's the same face but you know what I mean), to a point where their endings during Order 66 destroyed me just as much as the ending of the Jedi Order. And somehow made me both love Anakin AND be a million times more angry with him.

There are some arcs in this series that might be a bit weaker. But there were some... god, there's a reason I love Clone Wars more than any other series or trilogy in this universe. And I'm not even a little ashamed to say it.

Must watch for Disaster Lineage shenanigans; for the vod'e; AND for the Jedi (who did their best okay? They always did their best 😭💔).

(and on the subject of found family... do I even need to comment)

10. Nikita - (containing 4 seasons, or 73 episodes) - trailer here.

A rogue assassin that escaped Division - covert government agency that takes recruits out of prison, fakes their deaths and then forces them to become spies and assassins - has come back to take it down. Brick by brick if she has to. With guns and explosives too when that works better.

Contains soooo many cool fight scenes. Is full of incredible characters you'll fall in love with (and hate with) very quickly. And most of all has an incredibly complex relationship of mentorship and friendship between two women that holds both great admiration and betrayal, real care and love as well as rage and hatred, forgiveness, mutual respect and an unbreakable kind of bond that so very rarely involves even one female character on TV, let alone two.

(as usual, found family tropes up the wazzoo).

-----

In conclusion. We all know there's going to be a large space between seasons of our favorite shows now (and some shows that aren't going to survive it). Let's fill that space with some excellent TV we haven't had a chance to see yet.

And direct the blame for the wait towards the right place (i.e. the studios).

[calciumcryptid]

Fuck it, We Are Internet Famous AU. Let's go-

After his grandfather passed, Q entered a major depressive episode. He was close with his grandfather, a famous artist, who taught him everything he knew. In a way, he was raised more by his grandfather than his parents (although they deeply loved him). Q retains his desire to paint, to make art, but now it is bittersweet and his grandfather's shadow hangs over every studio session.

He starts streaming to the core five group chat to try and get into the groove. Tan, perpetual recorder, recorded the streams. One night, while bored, Tan edited one with inside jokes and references the group found funny. After a collective viewing experience, Chain suggested uploading the video to YouTube and its how Q's YouTube channel (MaestroQ) was born.

Q has two channels. One is for edited down and planned content, while the other contains his live streams. He gains a bit of a reputation as a semi-anti Bob Ross due to his more sarcastic and snarky remarks despite remaining calm throughout. The live streams gain popularity because people use them to fall asleep, and the shorter videos are edited down down to a process-video and a condensed highlight reel. Art has become fun for Q again.

Meanwhile, Fang and Phum have become popular because they are rich and attractive young men who do some modeling on the side. It doesn't help Phum (accidentally) befriended royalty (Damn Beer) and a popular streamer known for gaming (Mick), which increased the brothers fame.

Matt is another popular streamer known for gaming and art streams, and Toey is his roommate who is known through association. The two have been roommates for years, and Toey crashes Matt's streams constantly (which lead to an iconic series where Matt makes Toey play horror games, except Toey is completely unaffected). Toey finds Q's painting streams relaxing and falls asleep to them.

Now where do the ships fit into this?

Simple: TanFang.

In this universe, TanFang met when they were adults, post-graduation. While I don't have the exact details, their first meeting comes about because Tan approaches Fang due to Fang being vaguely familiar to him. Naturally, Tan assumes Fang went to high school wit him and thought he should say hi. Fang didn't, and is displeased about being interrupted for the fifth time that week. Naturally, this leads to some punches being thrown.

Of course, they get passive aggressive about it.

[ Pun here! Q is sorry about the delay, but we had to take Tan to the doctor. He got punched. Don't worry! He is fine! While he is out of commission, I thought I'd show him up with my editing skills! :D ]

Phum makes a post about taking his older brother to the doctor, and Fang follows up about making a smooth recovery.

Tan and Fang end up having their followup checkups on the same day, where they figure out the misunderstanding. Fang offers to treat Tan to lunch since he was the aggressor, and Tan agrees. Soon they are texting everyday, and a month later they are dating.

They soft launch their relationship and everyone in Fang's comments are commenting about it being the "Maestro Q Editor Guy".

It was a moment in social media.

Out of protectiveness and curiosity, Phum looks up the channel Tan edits for. He watches a couple of videos, but doesn't get that far into the catalogue before he goes to play football with Tan. If Phum got a little farther in the catalogue, he might have seen Peem's little side series where he goes to scenic water locations and does landscape paintings alongside Q.

Instead, Phum finds out about Peem the canon way where he accidentally destroys a painting Q and Peem finished for a video (or maybe a video card). Q and Tan watch in awe as Peem loses it on Phum, kicking him in the nuts, then running off.

Cue more passive aggressive vague posting.

(I think it would be funny if Phum and Q had Internet beef but their fans were unable to figure out why. Randomly one day this accidental influencer and the painter started to quote tweet each other.)

At this point, Toey is friends with Fang and Phum (through MickMatt) and gasps when he realizes Phum is why the latest video has been delayed and bullies his pseudo-older brother into apologizing ("I had a restless night of sleep. Why would you do that to me? *lethal puppy eyes*"). Phum, begrudgingly, does through Tan. Peem mocks him a little ("Now was that so hard?") and says Phum will be forgiven if he helps Peem with a video idea.

Phum agrees ("Whatever you say gorgeous.") and Peem uses Phum as a model for a portrait. Afterwards, Phum asks Peem on a date ("Since I am forgiven, can I take you on a date? *lethal puppy eyes*). Peem agrees because he thought Phum wasn't serious only to be thoroughly swept off his feet. Phum can't stop taking pictures of Peem, and he hard launches Peem as his boyfriend. Peem is pretty, and people need to know Phum scored.

It was also a moment in social media.

Afterwards, Peem becomes fond of Toey, and it (finally) clicks for Toey that he can meet Q through Peem and Tan. Tan is ecstatic for their friend groups to officially meet, unaware of Toey's mission. At the meet-up, Toey harnesses the power of the sun directly at Q. Q, naturally, becomes romantically constipated about this.

Toey suggest Matt should do an art stream with Q, and Matt agrees. The live stream goes well, and Q leaves. Toey notices Q left his pencil box behind, and rushes to give it back. After staring at his pencil box for a bit, Q admits he knows Toey has feelings for him but he has never returned anyones romantic desire before (oh no, where did these demiromantic feelings come from?) and he doesn't know what to do. The two promise to take it slow together, and start dating.

Chain and Pun were the first ones who got together in this timeline, because the viewers picked up on the undertones between and it opened Pun's eyes to his feelings being returned.

Mick and Matt were the second couple to get together in this timeline, as they were online gaming rivals who were teamed-up at a convention's live gaming event. After they won, they started dating. Toey has never third-wheeled harder.

[strawberrygiorno]

I know I already sort of talked about this quote, but I seriously can't stop thinking about it.

[Text ID: KIM KITSURAGI - "The Moralintern are a fact. I try not to have opinions on facts -- until they change. And," he looks at the city below, "it doesn't look like that's about to happen." End ID]

So many things that happen during the case take something Kim believes to be a fact and prove it to be wrong. For example:

- There is no "curse" on the commercial area, except there's a hole in the world that says otherwise

- There's nothing in the random shipping container, except there is a mega-rich light-bending guy

- The blue door in the Whirling won't be relevant to the case, except it was used by the killer to spy on Klaasje

- The killer is Ruby, except she's innocent

- The RCM wouldn't just abandon a cop as good a Harry, except it does

- There's no such thing as the Insulindian phasmid, except there is

Even the case itself does this! It looks very straightforward and it's obvious what happened and why, except there's a bullet in the guy's brain that throws those initial thoughts out the window and things are so much more complicated than they first appeared

Revachol is really trying to tell him something with all of this

[onepiece-polls]

One Piece Shipping War - Bonus Poll!

The winner of the poly ship bracket vs the most popular (and honestly, only) Buggy ship of the duo bracket!

Propaganda under the cut. [contains some spoilers]

Propaganda for Cross Guild:

Idk there's something about three people who hate each other that just works.

they don't need no propaganda. I could never make propaganda like buggy the clown does in canon

mr. pathetic (buggy) paired with two actual warlords who could (but haven't !) demolished him ? it has to be love

Crocodile and Mihawk are a fucked up rich ass couple and Buggy is the chihuahua in their purse

CROSSGUILDCROSSGUILD XXX

Its cross guild. you know why (mod: as an anime-only fan, I don't, but I'm looking forward to find out 😂)

Propaganda for Shanks x Buggy:

What if we were childhood friends who gave up our drama for each other then never saw each other again for years

What can I say, I'm a fellow shuggy truther too 🤝

Shanks obviously adores Buggy, and Buggy is so tsundure~! Mr 'I hate Shanks'-but-will-take-every-opportunity-to-talk-about-him-and-be-with-him.

Oden says in his journal that he can't tell if they're friends of enemies, and I just love that. Plus when you add in the revelation about Shanks and Buggy in the recent chapters.

They're childhood friends. They're exes. They've been married for 20 years. They're opposites. They're the same. They're silly goofy guys who make me want to cry my heart out. Red/Blue is always meant to be.

Buggy """""HATES""""" Shanks. This hate is so strong that he WILL yell at this red-haired bastard despite the fact that he is a coward, who is terrified of all the Emperors. Everyone thinks this is strange. However, when you grow up with said Emperor on the same boat, watching him stumble over his feet as he's trying to learn to use a sword, stuck scrubbing the whole deck because he was stupid enough to prank "Dark King" Rayleigh, and make that same stupid pouty face every time his Conqueror's Haki doesn't do anything because he is an itty bitty child, most of that fear gets pretty quelled. Also, that same fucker lost an arm because he's a DUMBASS and he deserves to be made fun of for it (not because Buggy is worried and missed him not at all no no Shanks is just DUMB and needs to be TOLD he is dumb more. But just by Buggy. Because Buggy has known his idiocy forever. He has earned the right to yell at this stupid, stupid Emperor for being a self-sacrificing fool and for giving away that stupid hat and... Wait, hang on, when did this bastard get hot!? WHAT THE FUC-) And Shanks just keeps smiling at Buggy and his antics because he has 100% been in love with him since they were children (his actions while they were on the Roger pirates are the DEFINITION of pigtail-pulling as flirting) and he is just happy to see that he's safe while being exactly the same larger-than-life clown he always knew. He would gladly give up his life of sluttery (that I am convinced this man has. Just look at how he exists) if Buggy would just agree to join his crew, but will not push him if he doesn't want to. He just loves his pretty clown from a distance and waits. TLDR: Buggy is mad that he's in love with Shanks and Shanks just likes existing with and/or annoying Buggy (they come as a pair). GOD I just love childhood friends to lovers bro. Just let the cabin boys kiss.

[Spoiler Warning] Red and Blue gays! Emperor husbands! Childhood friends to enemies to lovers!

[arbiterlexultionis]

Poltergeist

So, Danny, who’s blood is composed of mostly caffeine because the Box Ghost just WON’T FUCKING STOP attacking on the middle of the night, God Dammit this is the SEVENTH Time tonight how the Crap Baskets do you keep escaping the Thermos!! So, when he wakes up one morning needing both caffeine and ectoplasm in his sleep deprived state he just mixes a 4 pack of monster and beaker of ectoplasm in a jug and starts chugging to try and get it down before the taste hits and then stops. Takes a sip. Takes another. And realizes that it actually taste way better then either do individually.

So he starts mixing them up regularly, and eventually starts just phasing ectoplasm into still sealed cans so he can grab and go for the sake of convenience. Then some other ghost get a taste, like it, and start asking for more. So Danny gets some new friends and starts making ghost money selling his concoction, and as a joke based on the original name of the energy drink, paints over the can and relabels them Poltergeist.

For a while, business is booming but then a problem pops up. Real world items are contraband in the zone according to Walker, and most of the drink itself and the container it comes in is real world matter. Cue prohibition era shenaniganery as Danny and his allies became energy drink bootleggers, running from Walker, smuggling cases of Poltergeist, hiring ghost to help them with all of this, the whole nine yards.

I think this could work out pretty well with Danny and The Spooks, him and his boys mass producing and shipping out illegal ghost energy drinks could be a really cool plot line in my opinion, producing it, figuring out how to get it to the zone and all that as a group. I also feel this idea is just the right amount of wacky to work with the DP verse and serious/sensible enough to not be complete crack fic unless you want it to be.

When the Fenton’s and Valerie hear about that no good menace Phantom selling Highly Dangerous Ghost Drugs the flip their shit. The smear campaign is the stuff of legends. And then the truth comes out. It’s just a really Really REALLY tired teenager trying to stay awake and make some pocket money to buy first aid supplies and have some left over to buy food for homeless people.

If it’s a verse where Sam and Tucker are in on the whole ghost fighting thing then they are Energy Drink Kingpin Danny’s right and left hand men. Tucker’s the tech guy, figuring out how to build hidden compartments in vehicles to hide the goods, monitoring and screwing with Walker’s tech, managing accounts for human money he makes/figuring out how to exchange human money for Ghost money. Sam is his badass enforcer who keeps the underlings in line, and also uses her money and rich people connections to launder money and stuff. Proper crime boss stuff.

Eventually, everyone’s least favorite front loop catch’s wind of this. And I see this going one of two ways.

1) He comes to the conclusion that Danny’s not aloud to have nice things, and starts his own enterprise to compete with Danny. Stealing business, sabotaging production, tipping off Walker. General douchbaggery.

2) He is the opposite of opposition. He wants Danny as his Son, wants Danny to be just like him, wants to guide and train Danny the way he never got. So Danny, all on his own, building a criminal empire? Pissing off the authorities instead of being a little goody two shoes? Laundering money almost as good as his old man? It is wonderful and he is Here For It. Either he’s in the distance cheering him on or actively trying to help. “No no my boy, if you do it like that you’ll either end up broke or in jail for tax evasion. You’ve got to send your money through these channels and store it in banks of these countries. I’ll help you set up accounts.”

[yellowistheraddest]

LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND FELLOW CONTORTIONS OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT, i present to you 9 drawing requests with accompanying commentary...

request one:

honestly its not a crime but they are criminally curious to learn the rich history of Dallas in 1963! i mean arent you curious, you should google what happened there on november 22nd!!!

request number 2:

OH BABY you know i love making people feel :( my most popular post is characters crying so i was supposed to have fun with it but 3 people hugging - dude, i was no the verge of insanity and in the end pearl just kinda got swallowed up and disappeared.

[[7 MORE UNDER CUT!!]]

request tres:

coming from the last drawing i was still on the 'lmao get sad' bandwagon, and simon and athena they have lived through somethings so once again i drew people crying :D so heres a drawing of little athena and her goth uncle having a nice little hug and nothing ever went wrong

request četiri:

by now everyone should know that my favourite AU is these two bastards meeting before phoenix became a lawyer; ya know so he doesnt need to break his back trying to learn law as an art student - not that he learns much as he doesnt know what a cross examination is in his first case,,

request pénte:

this request marked the second day of drawing.

now,, i might have not read the request before i drew sooo i kinda just drew them taking a selfies at a steel samurai con so i kindly edited the second drawing to contain a peace sign. [the plush is the hellish creature named the iron infant [from AAI i think] and i bet its like the worst character in the franchise and these two will definitely burn it when they get home]

request numero sześć:

now i swore to never post kissing on here so i spare myself of the cringw when i look back later, so just dont read the first half and enjoy the way i found out you cant really draw flicking without making a comic. like the motion is so small yet so powerful how do you draw that?!?!?!?!?!? this looked miles better in my brain...

request shtatë:

you know what else is like rocks? big frozen chunks of ice, like the one here :D

RIP LMAO

request huit:

ah the t4t to end all t4ts. ron is definitely a guy to fall at first sight and bro desiree is the definition of girlboss

also people forget that larry was rons coworker and i need more content of those two because they are just wildly opposite

[edit: ''sir are good'' HUH??? brother i need to go to sleep and just not draw for the next millenia]

now we have arrived at the end of our trip...

you may be thinking "yellow, you said that there were 9 drawings!"

YES, but no.. theres probably a reason behind this but when i opened my inbox and saw this was like a game character who was stun locked. i mean look at this, aka request number NINE:

love ya to death, babes, but please get some rest because i think you forgot to write in the characters you wanted to see. despite that i decided to draw what you requested:

now just imagine whichever characters you waant in those places! wait was your request an investment so you can have an infinite amount of ships inserted into this pose???

anywho, ummmmm.. yeah Now we have reached the end - but do not fear, im not dying or going away. im still going to be here on my ace attorney bullshit as long as my brain can stand.

sadly i have to say GOODNIGHT, LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND FELLOW CONTORTIONS OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT. may we meet once again when the planets align and it rains in the greatest depths of the ocean o7

[searchingforserendipity25]

Brainstorming on the Maglor = Lindir concept for @funwithfanon and here’s a list of different takes, in no particular order:

Lindir does not exist. It’s more of a temporary, honorary rank, a job description - anyone can be the Lindir of Rivendell if their application is accepted. Duties include diplomacy, welcoming guests, playing the harp, singing beautifully, babysitting and being able to remember all the Dúnedain’s names. The usual contract goes for fifteen summers, which is much less than the regular yéni. Whatever you do, do not ask why Lord Elrond is very particular about having an open call for minstrels going on regularly. The Lindor of the book events is just some guy who is here for the steady pay to save up for a fancy dowry to take on his Ship to Valinor. It’s not that he has a sweetheart or anything, but he fully intends to nab himself a hot, rich, and influential Calaquendi once he gets to the West, and Elrond’s court is a good place to practice. I, for one, respect Lindir’s hustle. 

The same, but the current Lindir is Maglor. This is never discussed. If you recognize him, no you don’t. He shows up for the fifteen years, and then goes away, and then comes back. It’s fine. They don’t talk about it. It’s definitely fine! The job interviews have gone from dramatic to downright farcical. Neither of them is willing to be the first one to crack. The first time, Elrond gets to ask for a portfolio and watch Maglor draw a blank on anything that isn't a lament. By the fourth time, he has a long repertoire of new works inspired by Imladris ready, all dedicated to its gracious and most generous lord. They come up with ridiculously complicated linguistic crossword games and then swap them to play over morning tea. Again, I cannot overstate how much they do not Talk About It. 

Lindir is of the Falathrim of Sirion and he will fight you if you ask whether he’s secretly Maglor Fëanorian. He will hit you with his gigantic gold-and-ivory harp and you will deserve it.

Lindir is Maglor. Ish. Maglor-ghost. Maglor's remaint. If you look at him too hard the edges of him start to blur, like an old crosshatching drawing left to blur in the sun for too long. The shadow he casts upon the wall rests over his shoulders like a cloak. He is also rather misty. Somewhere by the sea, a body has been eaten by the fish, but the fëa wandered far inland and found refuge in the valley where all those in pain are made welcome. One day Elrond woke to a faint song. He followed it through the stairs of his house until he found - the smouldering embers in Hall of Fire stirring, and a darker darkness singing. Lindir has been part of the household ever since.

Lindir is Daeron. He loves the line of Lúthien more than all things, except for the Lady Celebrían, who was the one who found him, once, by the still dark waters of the North, and brought him home to the valley where the guards sing nonsense and the air in the twilit starlight smells nothing at all and very much like Melian’s kingdom in the days before the Sun and the Moon.

Maglor did not defend himself, whenever anyone found him wandering by the sea Maglor never defended himself, with words or Song, steel or harp. Not from wolves, or orcs, brigands or avengers, from the wrathful sea or the elements. Varda's Hallowing had scorched him through, a maddening and encompassing pain, the sort of continuous justice that left very little space for anything that was not regret. He could not defend himself from it, or the absolute, star-bright knowledge that its horror and ugliness should not and could not be denied. By the time he came again among the elves, there was very little left to recognize him by. He was so plainly beyond the ability to do harm - getting him in custody was less a matter of containing him than making certain no one went and killed him. It is imprisonment, in the sense that he’s in custody. There will be no Kinslayings or executions in Imladris (Glorfindel's passionate defence of Turgon's precedent aside), and even if it were allowed - no one could put him on trial presently. Elf parole gets invented eventually, after he is in the healing halls for half an Age, and slowly readjusts to society again. Much has his countenance changed, in grief and pain, and from wounds besides; few people recognize him outright. It takes him a long, long time before he touches a harp again, and longer still before he can be certain enough of himself to sing before an audience. 

You would not have caught Maglor Fëanorian admitting he could not identify a poem’s authorial contributions, be he dead or damned or deranged. Luckily, local musical prodigy Lindir, born and bred in Imladris, does not have weird First Age perfectionist hang-ups. Elrond’s students all have a perfectly non-traumatic apprenticeship and are very well-adjusted, thank you very much.

Lindir is a nightingale Arwen accidentally turned into an elf. Listen, it's a thing, it happens with Peredhel sometimes. He’s - adjusting. Focused on playing the harp to develop finger coordination and ended up enjoying it a great deal, after the first challenging yéni (Fingers! Tiny bony bits! What a notion. Lindir misses his beak sometimes). He does still trill sometimes; his old friends answer him during their afternoon songs, it is quite a sight. Mortals are very strange and they have the bad habit of dying fairly often just when he’s started to recognize them, but he likes the way the scruffy one makes his lady smile so he does not chirp in with comments on his poetry. Not many comments, anyway. 

They take his harp away, at first. Glorfindel, who had seen him in battle, wanted anted a geas of silence. But that would be a waste, in its way. His voice is bound to the valley instead, to the protection of it, and the working of its purpose as a place of safety and succour. Eternal servitude to the line of Earendil is not, objectively, the worst punishment that could befall the last Kinslayer. If Elrond is not entirely easy with having him in Imladris, neither is he able to countenance the idea that he might go free, and unaccounted for. The might in him goes away from his mouth, and beyond his mastery. He sings, sometimes, when it is for the benefit of the valley.  That he must be of use is a just demand, and a kinder end than exile. A grace, in its way - and it is not as if he has any reason or right to have any wish in his heart that is not to serve the line of Elwing. It is not, Maglor knows well, the cruellest captivity a soul has ever suffered. He can even speak, if he wishes; and in time, among the long Ages, he does gather enough nerve to ask leave to sing in the Hall of Fire in company, on those moonless nights when he is not needed to sing enchantments of protection. A minstrel can have many duties, after all. There are many ways to serve, in small and deedless fashion, without doing any harm. Pity is not torment, for all it is difficult to withstand, and difficult the making of a gift rich enough to answer it. Well, and he is an excellent minstrel; that much he can offer still, and he does it willingly. They call him Lindir, and that is fair, as well - it is only that Lindir does not and must not and cannot sing laments.

Maglor the Kinslayer is the minstrel Lindir. Everyone knows this. It's not clear whether Lindir, who cries when the cooks behead the hen and hums to the horses and loathes the silver sound of a drawn sword, does know this. 

[boatem-probler]

That There's a Choopah Cobbler in... Tokyo Soul!

1 / You Are Here! / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

Hello once again dear readers! Al Boatem-Probler here to bring you another report on this mid-2010s Minecraft roleplay series.

Everyone's favorite boy is here, which means I will now be keeping track of Deaths Witnessed, Injuries Sustained, and Other Traumatic Events, the way @paranoidpug did in her own summaries. Not to mention, I've gotten to the episodes that haven't been covered in @sketchygainedyoursoul's summaries! Very exciting!

This report contains mentions/discussion of: scatological humor, violence, guns, stalking, harassment, and Professor Geode Rocks.

Previously on Tokyo Soul:

“STOP DROP AND RICKROLL” – Dom

“Fish are just flowers that swim in the ocean.” – Taurtis

“I’ve never felt so unsafe in my life.” – Taurtis

This Time...

Episode 6 – THE NEW GIRL!

I forgot to write this down last time, but it’s been established that Taurtis can and WILL fall asleep literally anywhere. I was reminded of this because Sam decided to sleep in Taurtis’s bedroom, while Taurtis fell asleep standing up directly outside the door.

Sam attempts to wake him up by enticing him to eat the sushi that has been sitting on their kitchen table for over a day now.

Sam insists he can see the creepy old man hiding behind a wall near their house. Taurtis insists he’s crazy. In a break from form, Sam is actually telling the complete truth this time.

Dom is putting the horrible old sushi on a bagel. Just thought you guys should know this.

They know what happened to Grian now, he went to the other Tokyo, you know, the one in Canada.

Sam: “Do you remember Grian? He’s lived with us for a very long time?” Taurtis: “That guy with the glasses, who had that rocket ship? Yeah, the rich person!” I think this is probably referencing the Yandere prequel thing? IIRC they were doing it at the same time as Tokyo Soul, but I’d have to check to be sure.

Checking the dates on the episodes… oh dang this one went up on Christmas Eve. Grian Christmas Present Momence. Okay, the first episode of Yandere went up nearly four months after this episode, so uh… in conclusion I have no idea what’s going on with this dialogue. Interesting.

Dom calls Grian “the Friendly Kid”.

Anyway they go to pick Grian up from the train station. I can’t tell if this is a different train station or if the name of it has changed between episodes.

GRIAN’S HERE!!!!!

Grian: “I don’t know whooooo was responsible for that. But you sent me halfway round the globe.” Sam: “Why are you looking at me when you say that, it wasn’t my fault!” Grian: “I just feel like… you just gave me the wrong ticket, that’s all.” Sam: “I put ‘em all in a box, I shook ‘em up, and I randomly drew one.” Grian: “And two of them went to Tokyo, Japan, and one of them went to Tokyo, Canada.”

I just had to relate nearly all of that conversation because right now I feel like any of it or none of it could be true. Because playing Russian Roulette with their plane tickets is some shit Sam would do I think, but intentionally giving Grian the wrong ticket and lying about it is also some shit Sam would do I think. So I’m just like, putting it out there for public debate.

Taurtis: “How long did it take you to realize that it wasn’t actually Japan?” Grian: “When I was on the plane, and they said Welcome to Canada.”

Apparently Grian had to spend all of his own money on the plane ticket back from Canada.

Taurtis: “How do you get your face caught in a blender?” Grian: “It happened One Time.”

They notice Geode walking to school. It seems he lives in a house with some kind of weird construction on top of it that is perpetually on fire.

Sam makes Grian show them the way to the school he hasn’t been to yet. Grian ends up asking Igbar von Squid again.

Hey whatever texture pack these guys are using has a really good nighttime skybox! This shit is pretty!

Sam’s mom texts him apparently???? I wasn’t aware she existed.

Sam and Taurtis nonchalantly introduce Grian to the creepy old man. Grian is appropriately terrified.

A new student turns up, named Yee, who’s Minecraft skin is I think supposed to be Monster Kid from Undertale. They have immediately started hitting on… one of the boys, it’s unclear which.

There is a circle of blood around a sheep’s head inside the school.

Grian: “Ooh, this school is an upgrade… [walks around the corner] Ohhhkay I take back what I said.”

Ah, apologies, it’s a goat’s head. Someone killed one of Señor Loro’s goats.

Regardless, Sam and Taurtis make Grian wrestle for his class schedule. Grian legitimately sounds terrified the whole time. Señor Loro accidentally punches a hole in the wall and runs off in shame.

Ohhhhkay, the creepy old man is IN the school, WEARING a girl’s school uniform.

Taurtis and Sam attempt to pressure Grian into going over to talk to him. It actually doesn’t entirely work, they end up all going over there. Taurtis and Sam attempt to set up the two “newbies”.

Taurtis: “Grian, you like girls, right?” Grian: “No, I’m into dudes.”

Ellen was Grian’s baby gay awakening. Taurtis immediately wants to know who Grian thinks is cuter, him or Sam. “You guys are just not my type,” Grian says. He does however admit that Taurtis has “some good glutes”.

Geode is collecting the goat blood from the floor. I cannot stress enough that Geode looks aggressively normal. He is wearing the blandest suit and has the blandest haircut imaginable.

Grian’s locker is absurdly far away from everyone else’s. Like down multiple hallways.

Episode 7 – SENOR LORO!

Tori tells Sam off for punching another kid who came in late. She is the only reasonable teacher in this school probably.

Tori is taking them fishing this class.

They walk past the girl’s bathroom next to the pool because Tori is lost. There is another goat head in it. Sam and Taurtis decide to take the head with them, in case they run into Señor Loro. Grian is worried he’ll think they killed it.

They continue to the pond behind the school, where they are given fishing rods to use. For some reason, the fishing rods sound like guns. I feel like this wasn’t intentional.

Creepy man sighted once again. Sam is now calling him Grian’s “girlfriend”.

Not Dying Class! Nurse MD has decided to call Grian “Mr. BoyMan”. Today, they are competing in a Food Pyramid Scavenger Hunt for the prize of a lifetime subscription to Hunter x Hunter. Their homework is to eat at least one item on the food pyramid. Grian is mad that their teacher isn’t teaching them anything.

Sam and Taurtis terrorize Grian with, uh, Bathroom Chocolate. Grian throws up a couple times. To be honest I’m not entirely sure what Sam and Taurtis are and aren’t doing In The Fiction so to speak, but Grian definitely vomited, so I feel I must put this on the record.

The principal has been sighted by the vending machine! Grian disagrees with his staffing choices, and tells him so, very vehemently. The principal gives Nurse MD a raise. Nurse MD gives Grian detention.

Nurse MD: “Go to the guidance counselor to get your attitude in check.” Grian: “You need to go back to university to get your degree sorted.”

Grian: “Dr. Nurse MD has to be there while I do the detention, sucks to be him!”

Apparently Nurse MD is allowed to just lock him in a room, actually. Also half the school was filming this altercation from the courtyard.

Sam: “I think that’s going up on YouCrab later.” Grian: “Good, I want everyone to know what useless staff they have here.”

Apparently “this sort of thing really triggers” Grian, this sort of thing presumably being incompetent teachers. He’s sort of using “trigger” flippantly here, but like, you could very well argue it’s true.

Oh, apparently “detention” means you have to wrestle Señor Loro. At least Sam legitimately offers to tag in for Grian (after a little while enthusiastically cheering for Señor Loro to “give him the ol’ one-two”).

They tell Señor Loro about the second Goat Murder, and he asks them to help him look for the rest of his missing goats. He gives them each a “Crystal of Tenochtitlan” whatever that means. Oh, apparently they allow you to talk to animals.

Episode 8 – GIRLFRIEND?!

Instead of searching for Señor Loro’s goats, the boys attempt to figure out which one of them Yee keeps hitting on. It’s Grian! Sam immediately tells Grian he should ask Yee to take off her glasses so they can see if she’s a lizard person. She does. She is a lizard person, and not Monster Kid as I had previously thought. In my defense, Sans Undertale has literally been in the background of several scenes already. Grian is spooked, Yee is angry, Sam has never laughed this hard in his life (according to Sam). I think they’re all being a bit mean.

Gym class is a competitive obstacle course, Girls (easy) vs Stupid Boys (difficult).

On the way to Professor Geode’s class, Sam and Taurtis tell Grian what happened last time (roughly). Grian is very apprehensive.

Geode collects everyone’s trash. The classroom has been slightly rearranged. There is now some sort of… operating table? In the center, with all the chairs arranged around it. Dom is in a giant test tube in the back. Taurtis is given a Special chair next to Geode’s throne.

Sam is told to “COLLECT THE MILK OF THE INNOCENT ONE”. This means Dom, apparently. When Sam fails to do this, Geode does it instead. I don’t know exactly what this entails, because Sam wasn’t looking at it, because Sam is not a very good cameraman. But I suspect that the limitations of Minecraft would still leave me scratching my head if I had seen it. Dom can be heard to take damage, but that’s all the information I can give you.

Geode throws onto the operating table, which I’m beginning to suspect is more of an altar: Milk of the Innocent, Toilet Paper, Rare Crystals, and Hair of the Chosen One.

This apparently clones Taurtis, somehow, although there appears to still be only one Taurtis in the room.

Geode does not offer any explanation, he’s too busy being confused by Grian’s accent and not knowing what England is. I’m… also not entirely sure he knew what a clone is either, before Sam explained that he’s not Uncle Sam because some people can have the same name.

Oh also Google Docs tried to autocorrect “Geode” to “God” I just feel like you all should know that.

Episode 9 – INTERNET DATING!

I am now officially into New Territory, not covered by previous summaries!

They try to free Dom from the test tube and the stained glass texture SERIOUSLY bugs out.

There is. Ah. Some sort of. Sheep… cultist… possibly robot? In the hallway. It has some sort of… mechanical backpack on?

Apparently its name is Jorje the Special Goat. So this is what breaks me.

I don’t know why I’m so stuck on this, I’m usually great at stories where Things Just Happen.

Anyway, Jorje has a dire need to go to the computer room to talk to his girlfriend.

“Is your girlfriend single?” – Taurtis Minecraft, 2015

The gang try to convince Jorje to break up with his internet girlfriend and/or that his internet girlfriend is catfishing him, so that he will tell them what he knows about the Goat Murders.

Dom is just. Up on a rooftop, by the way. He keeps doing this.

It turns out that not only is Jorje’s internet girlfriend a real person, but they’re also a person of ambiguous gender and probably a furry, which are some pretty big plusses in my book. It seems like they didn’t know Jorje was Actually For Real A Goat, though.

But the boys do manage to get some information on the Goat Murders, so that’s nice. Apparently there’s some sort of Creature or perhaps a Beast underneath the soccer field at school.

“That there’s a Choopah Cobbler!” – Jorje

Actually he called it a “chuubakaabra” but potato, potato.

They tell Señor Loro about the chupacabra. Señor Loro hands them guns. Peachy. At least this time it’s Grian who accidentally shoots Taurtis.

Sam then shoots Taurtis on purpose.

There’s an item in Señor Loro’s vending machine called “Fully Cooked Ramen?” and I’m losing it.

Grian: “Hey, Mr. Principal! :) Your teacher gave us snipers! :) I don’t know what kind of circus you’re running here! :)”

Episode 10 – HUNTING A MONSTER!

Half the school is at this soccer field this feels so dangerous.

Taurtis is just shooting wildly.

Uhhhh. That there’s a Choopah Cobbler!

I promise I’ll stop saying “that there’s a Choopah Cobbler”.

Everyone tries to shoot at the chupacabra through a very narrow doorway. They mostly just end up shooting each other.

The chupacabra flees into the sewers. Dom is also in the sewers. He goes there to read.

They lose the chupacabra, briefly mistaking the creepy old man for it.

“Can I shoot him anyway? I reeeeeaaalllly wanna shoot him.” – Grian

Kurokuma: “Uh, you didn’t find any bodies, did you?” Grian: “Not yet!”

He doesn’t, in fact, shoot the creepy old man. Score one for morals, I guess. :/

Half the damn town is in these sewers.

They shoot at a “sugar dealer”, agree to say they were the chupacabra and call it a day. They then attempt to exit the sewers, which takes some time because whoever made the map didn’t account for the ways in which ladders interact with trapdoors in Minecraft.

They’ve emerged in a completely unfamiliar part of town, and it’s getting late, so Señor Loro suggests they stay in a hotel for the night, and WHY IS THE CREEPY OLD MAN AT THE FRONT DESK. Like, this place is swanky.

The old man makes a comment about setting up cameras in their rooms. Great note to end this part on.

Grian Trauma Count!

Deaths Witnessed:

Aftermath of 2 Goat Murders

Injuries Sustained:

Grian jokingly implied that he got his face caught in a blender once

Likely some bruises from wrestling Señor Loro

Shot in the leg by Sam, who was aiming for the chupacabra

Shot by Senior Loro, apparently on purpose?

Traumatic Events:

Sent, possibly on purpose, to a completely different country without any of the people he knew, and had to use his own money (all of it) to get back where he was supposed to go

Stalked and sexually harassed by a creepy old man (he keeps making comments about the characters’ legs). Also forced by his friends to actually speak to said creepy old man.

Vomited twice due to Sam and Taurtis being gross.

Punished for calling out his teacher’s incompetence and made to wrestle the guidance counselor.

Was handed a gun by one of his teachers again (and accidentally shot Taurtis), and brought on a monster hunt.

Geode’s Class is a traumatic event in itself.

Some pretty big numbers already, folks!

Something I think is interesting: before Grian arrives, both Sam and Taurtis are pretty vocally uncomfortable with Old Kurokuma, but as soon as Grian's with them, Kurokuma is suddenly "our friend who runs the panty shop", "Grian's Girlfriend", "Grian why are you uncomfortable, this is a completely normal schoolgirl, she said teehee".

I feel like I still need to chew on this a bit more to be able to actually say anything analytical about it, but it's definitely catching my attention.

Next Time...

"I'll do one post per school day," I say, and then they almost immediately stop going to school for an arc.

[boag]

Omg have u guys seen all the shit abt the Royal Carribean 9 month Ultimate World Cruise…. They’re 3 weeks in and these rich people are already having so much drama that’s breaching containment online and I just found out a staff member on the ship has tested positive for covid and they’re trying to contain it and the 9 month ticket holders are turning against the passengers who are only on for certain segments of the cruise and they’re like acting very entitled and having like “town hall meetings” for just the people who are gonna be on the ship for the whole time and I personally cannot wait to watch more of this unfold online from the comfort of my own home . This cruise supplies free alcohol for all the passengers as well like at this rate it is just gonna be a 9 month long real housewives dinner party brawl and will probably descend into adult lord of the flies by like the end of the second month

[toxic-ship-tournament]

ROUND 3 / POLL 4

Lucille x Jo (@radioactive-dragonlover) vs Amaro x Calamari (@hottopicabbacchio & @corpsoir)

who makes up your ship?:

Lucille and Jo

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

Lucille is a rich woman who has nothing to do in her life, she's eternally bored and wishes for something new— something fresh to happen. Jo is a quiet woman with some repressed violent tendencies and who works minimum wage bug is struggling to make ends meets. One night, Jo decides to rob Lucille's mansion and kills her without meaning to in the process, escaping the scene anxiously thinking she's going to go to jail once the body is found. However, Lucille wakes up the next day, with the events of the murder burnt into her mind but her body spared of any wounds. Turns out getting killed is EXACTLY the spice in life she was waiting for! So she decided to track down and knock on her murder's door— not to rat her out, but to ask her to do it again. Jo wasn't really for murdering again, especially with how anxious she ended up getting in the aftermath, but begrudgingly accepts. And it seems that Lucille IS actually very fun to kill for her, too. Cue to Jo murdering Lucille on a Weekly basis, getting very Gay about it each time. Lucille get the thrill of death she wanted, and Jo gets an outlet for her violence. A relationship starting as purely transactional at first slowly turns into a murder romance. They're both kinda fucked up in isolation to one another but complete eachother awfully well. Like "you two are perfect for eachother but never pull anyone else into your bullshit" kinda deal. They keep eachother contained. You feel me.

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Ship tag on my art blog ( nihonium-art ) : Undying love ( although fair warning for gore ) Playlist : https://spotify.link/TPbt2y12Syb

****

who makes up your ship?:

amaro (he/him, by hottopicabbacchio) calamari (he/they, by corpsoir)

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

Amaro used his stand (make you fall in love) on a lot of people, Calamari came around and he used his stand on them for one night too, but Calamari kept coming back after the effect wore off so Amaro continued to use his stand for a bit being afraid of him leaving/because he thought it would be fun. Eventually, Amaro realized that he had stopped using his stand on Calamari and actually fell in love with them. They have a good 3 year run where they're together and fine and in love UNTIL. one day going on a job for information (mafia business), Amaro is talking/flirting some of the information out of the guy theyre after and Calamari over hears some guys talking about how "Amaro is after another one" and how they had been affected by his stand power before. It gets Calamari thinking if Amaro had used his stand on them before (yes, but only at the beginning) and they start thinking that the whole relationship had been a lie. They get in a big argument - Calamari confronting Amaro while Amaro desperately tried to prove to Calamari he hadn't been using his stand for years - and they end up breaking up. After about a month, Amaro gets worried about not seeing Calamari around and goes to their apartment that he still haa the spare key too and goes inside to find him. Instead, he finds a mess and Calamari eating cold pizza in an empty bathtub alone. Calamari half agrees for Amaro to stay and help them clean, which they assume and know thats the only reason they would have come, and doesnt believe Amaro about their relationship no matter what he tries to say. Over time - a cleaning session maybe once a week or so with Calamari making as little talk to Amaro as possible and Amaro just wanting to make things right again - Calamari suddenly realizes that he might be falling in love with Amaro again and confronts him about using his stand again and tells him to show her to them. Amaro had made a vow to himself to not use his stand around Calamari ever again, but caves and shows Calamari that the swords (where his stand power is) are all still there. Currently, they are working on getting back to how they were before, but there is still Issues and Problems <3 They both want it back but Calamari still cant trust Amaro but Amaro had never been in love with someone like that before

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4AcBeDHX48BYcmdda13KNL?si=fkg9IR4NT5Klw4bUt-0QoQ&utm_source=copy-link playlist by hottopicabbacchio, character tags on both op blogs under amaro avvoltoio and calamari pavone

[ladythornofrivia]

my heavenly salvation

Pair: Levi x Reader

Warnings: This series is going to be contain with fluff. Too much fluff. And smut. With mentions of self-harm, mentions of depression. Inspired by the Titanic movie. MDNI, NSFW

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry I didn’t pay attention enough to my blog aside from reblogging everything I see that’s new, especially when it comes to anime. The greatest gift ever is to escape from reality and write fanfic stories here on Tumblr.

(Please report if anyone decides to steal/plagiarize my work and notify me. Thank you.)

Chapter I

A New Beginning

Next Chapter

It was that midday. On that midday—chilled and under substance of weariness came to light when you stepped out of the cramped space with an extension of your hand stretching towards the driver’s hand to escorted you down from the carriage, staring at the glorious—rather gloomy—weather with 100,000 people compacted at every street corner, people waving each other farewell, others have an under inspection of clean hygiene. Then the departed ones kissed and hugged their loved ones and embarked on the grandiose ship.

Goliath.

Goliath is a ship that stretches 1000 ft. 10 inches—all crisp and sharp colors of red, black and gold protruded over a sullen day.

It was that day.

That day you’re going off to a different country to be wedded off to the great Zeke Yeager, the man who belonged into a clan of Eldians. Eldians are anything but elite people who holds more jewels, crown, gold and diamonds than any Marleyans and the poor could ever afford. They owned several mines and tobaccos across the peaceful land. Since the success battle between Eldians and Marleyans has been the greatest rivals since the dawn of time, things have escalated when the usurper, Eren Yeager, destroyed the Marleyans with an undercover invasion. Paradis, an island of Devils, overtook the headlines and marked into the history within the Marleyan lands.

It wasn’t all what Eren Yeager did. Secrecy is just as deep and thick as one’s blood that Eren isn’t willing to share on what he did to gain riches and status. And how Zeke Yeager got the title as a king to Eldians baffled you. In your heart, you knew, even your family and servants knew, Zeke Yeager is born as an Eldian—a commoner, but in the once rich land of Marleyans, served under Commander Magath, as the Eldian Warrior.

Warriors. Nothing but grueling, war-hungry freaks, thinking what they do is best for everyone when they have forsaken at their most vulnerable moments in mankind. You hated war, no matter what kind. It’s always the same thing. In the history of time and space, all people ever do is hate one another, it’s what they’re always good at—no hearts to spare, not even a shred of kindness. People are afraid to understand beyond their comprehensions and decided to take it by force.

More so, eternal power and fortune, to remain as untouchable. Humans craved it as a source of validation—their pleasure and a wanting of an endless gift.

It baffled you to the idea where lies are just a gain of source for the Yeager brothers to achieve their goals in one fell swoop.

The Yeager brothers are clever. So clever it froze you into thinking of a never-ending “what-ifs” and scenarios in your stable life.

You were fine with the idea of being spinster, until your dearest mother proposed the idea of you to be shipped off to see Zeke Yeager and wed him before the Goliath arrives at the new Eldian land that the Yeager brothers established after the Rumbling they called on years ago.

You weren’t just some old horse to be put down and casted off when humans so desire. You have a heart with feelings and distinguished ideals. A bird is a bird that meant to be freed off themselves from the nest and gain gift and glory to the best of their lives with a spread of their wings, no matter what kind. That’s the hope that you’ve longed for. But your mother has the extreme case of putting your ambitions and wishes, down and dead, by calling you “a silly little girl who knows nothing about the real world,” with a haughty laugh.

Despite your mother’s guttural, uppity laugh, your ears deafened at the sound of Titans’s feet crushing upon ruins and fire. You were scared before; cherishing one’s life after being born is the greatest gift to ever exist, but to be stripped off underneath the Rumbling’s stampede was another. You could hear your dead friends running and their bones crushed with their last teardrops stained into your memory. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, yet somehow, you survived. With life moving forward, you found yourself floating and idle instead.

Titans no longer exist. But you’d rather be eaten and tear apart and stomped on than to be at the mercy of the Yeager brothers as a hollow self.

As an aristocratic Marleyan, you are born to be crowned with a blessing and a curse, filled with purpose and luxury. But to think your blessings will be outnumbered soon as soon as you stepped your feet into the ship of Goliath.

As soon as you enter the ship, your mother halted to your side and whispered, “There’s someone I would like for you to meet. Come this way; you shouldn’t make our honored guest feel uncomfortable.”

~~~

Levi Ackerman, a man with his youngish looks is tired of constant battles between soldier to soldier, enemies to enemies. soldier and titans. But this time, his battling with his last luck.

Beyond the crowd, Levi leaned his shoulder against the lamplight post with a cigarette in his mouth, the smoke smeared alongside the Goliath’s upon the bustling chimneys. Goliath’s a sight to behold. A commoner like him could never get onto the gigantic ship. He has no money to spare, not after the war he carried on as the last surviving member of his people—a lone man last standing amongst the pack of crowd, who have forgotten about the war that Levi faced and sacrificed alongside the people Levi knew.

Under his weary lids, upon the bluish-grey gaze of his narrow eyes, he examined the loved ones separating with tears streaming down their faces with their smiles quivered.

This is what they wanted to see.

If only they’re here…

In his heart, maybe, but the physicality on being here with him, watching the crowd, alive and happy, was something extraordinary and rare to behold.

If only Titans didn’t exist…

But if Titans didn’t exist, he would serve no purpose but to live his days in the underground—no air and sunlight, just people in the dark and make decisions that are undesirable and irritable—more so, irrelevant. Being a thief was challenging for him.

His love of cleaning is still there; he tidied himself through and through—effortlessly polished. Luckily, he didn’t need assistance; none of his eyes are damaged, neither his fingers chopped off. The only thing his body has damage is his left leg—though not severed or broken. He dislocated it from his last battle in his threshold with walls.

His cigarette burnt out quickly, thus nearly burned the skin on his fingers. His tongue clicked with annoyance, flicking the used cigarette off the ground and stomped on it.

Until now, his mind insistingly conjured up to the Rumbling. He didn’t want to look at the burnt cigarette, so his eyes focused elsewhere while his shoe deepened against his used smoke.

His eyes watched two lovers striding with giddy, who are also watching the folks climb onboard into the Goliath ship. Out of the blue, the young man got down on his one knee and pulled out the velvet box that contains a small diamond ring. The young woman caught on this and cried with happiness with her hands over her mouth, eyes glistening and knees shaking but kept herself with composure, but soon hopped with joy. Levi knew that the young woman would eventually say “yes”, and watched further as the young man spun his soon-to-be wife around as the crowd looked over and congratulated them.

Adjusting his cravat, as he was about embark his journey, a large colorful lollipop displayed before his eyes. Then a large shadow looming over him. A stink of breath drew closer to his ear, but not too close.

“Hey, little kid, you want a candy? Don’t worry, it’s free of charge,” a grating, raspy voice said behind Levi, laughing. Levi knew who it was. How did the clown survive from the Rumbling?

With his cane, his feet ambled briskly. He didn’t look who’s behind him, but he trudged into the crowd to lose the sight of a clown as the clown shouted in a slur that Levi doesn’t wish to understand or give his time for.

As he strode before the Goliath upon the thick spectators with ease, there were four men nearby shouting at each other about their gambling aftermath. Two of the men—Marleyans—wanted their tickets to the Goliath back, but unfortunately, the other two, who Levi assumes, are the Eldians—not born from Paradis—are shouting with their justifications. The golden tickets are on the table, to where the four men gambled. In a pure instinct, he grabbed the golden ticket with him and trudged his way to the bridge that was about to close soon within 7 minutes.

The inspector stopped Levi. “Do you have any diseases or bugs on you, sir?”

Levi looked at the crew member with a discern, nerving look in his eyes.

Realizing who Levi is, the crew member swallowed his fears, and in a low voice, his neck inclined forward and said, “It’s good to see you again, Captain Levi.”

Levi Ackerman adjusted his fedora hat. “I’m not the Captain anymore. I’m nothing more than just a passenger of the ship.” Then climbed onboard. As he traveled his way to the ship’s deck, he didn’t give so much of a wave, he lit his new cigar and watch the anchor and the rope lifted, ready to take off.

He wasn’t much of a person with goodbyes, but the sight of peace has taken its way to his heart with pride and glory, after a long road of betrayal, sacrifice and courage that solidifies and shaped on what he became as then and now.

Saving the land and the people is worth it.

Taglist: @galactict3a @f1yh1gh @colored-tr-panels @slay0368

[rlyc00l]

Maybe Rhys is adjusting to his new life as an outlaw. Maybe he can make this work. He hasn't died yet, and he's even getting used to the place's smell. But, on second thought, he wants to go home and never set foot on Pandoran soil again. Getting rich in the process would be a nice bonus.

(Chapter also posted under cut)

— — —

Rhys didn’t move from Knuckle Dragger’s corpse until the Vault hunters finished dispatching the last few bullymong. It took as long for his heart rate to return to normal, and his left hand to stop trembling. 

When it was done, he had to step around dead bullymong, through blood-spattered snow, to reach the others. They’d all been wounded, except maybe for Zer0, who’d walked off as soon as the last bullymong fell. Salvador had been bitten in his forearm, Maya had a gash on one calf, Axton’s face was swelling up after being hit with a hurled chunk of ice, Gaige had a huge bruise on her right arm, and Krieg was so covered in blood it was hard to tell how much of it was his. They were taking a breather to rest and tend to their wounds. 

“Now where’d my eye get to?” The Claptrap had gone into panic mode again during the fighting. Now he’d reemerged and started ping-ponging a path through dead bullymong. 

“Just stay still for the moment, we’ll get it,” Maya called after it, impatiently. She’d taken a seat on a bullymong corpse as she bandaged her leg—wounds like this didn’t warrant wasting precious instahealths.  “Zer0 took it,” Rhys said. “Dunno where they went.” 

She sighed. “Of course they did. I guess they won’t go too far as long as we still have Claptrap… You’re missing a shoe, by the way.”

“Oh, yeah.” The star pattern on his right sock had darkened with melted snow and blood. His blood, he realized. He must have stepped on something as he’d run away, and it sliced through to the bottom of his foot. It was bleeding profusely, but it didn’t hurt yet. 

“Hold on.” Maya dug through her little first aid kid, producing a couple of square-wrapped antiseptic pads and a roll of bandages. “Krieg drank my saline wash, and I wouldn’t trust the snow here. You’ll probably want to clean it better when we get to Liar’s Berg.” 

Rhys knelt, setting the gun down close to him (he needed a better way of carrying that thing around). The snow melted into his pants as he cleaned the wound, he was getting accustomed to that discomfort. Once bandaged, he half-hopped back through the shipping container. He found his shoe half-buried on the other end, wiped it out, and put it on. The stun rod wasn’t far from that, sticking out of the ground, no worse for wear. 

After retrieving his belongings, he searched out Zer0. They’d gone further up the path on their own. An abandoned Hyperion drop barge blocked the way forward. On one side was a steep drop back to Knuckle Dragger’s lair, the other an impassable cliff. Zer0 was looking at the barge’s door, ellipses projected from their helm. 

“Hey, uh, Zer0,” he greeted. This was the part where he was the bigger person, the guy who inspired loyalty in his underlings, the workplace relations guy. 

They turned to him, the ellipses changing into a question mark. “I just wanted to thank you. For before?”

“I needed the space.” They produced another gun from their holster, a black and yellow Dahl pistol. “This one is superior. / And, it’s corrosive.”

“I mean, yeah, thanks for that too, It would have been nice to have that from the start, and all but.... I was trying to thank you for saving me back there.” 

“You disappointed,” they said. “Next time, aim for the beast’s throat. / A more certain kill.” He stared at them. “Have you ever talked to another person, like, ever?” 

“Yes.” They turned back to the barge. There was a door on it with a little digital-optical scanner on the side.   

Hyperion tech like this was easy to open with his ECHOeye, and he guessed he owed Zer0, but it was hard to want to repay that debt. He’d wait for the others to catch up first. 

That wasn’t a long wait. The Claptrap sped ahead of them, chattering. “The road to Liar’s Berg’s on the other side of this barge. What say we cut through it, chums?”

“You’re not gonna be–” The Claptrap rolled right past Rhys, to the scanner. “Aaand OPEN!” 

“Intruders detected. Locking door,” an automated voice replied, predictably. 

“You’re discontinued tech,” Rhys said, activating his ECHOeye. “I can-” 

“Let me get that for you.” An unfamiliar woman’s voice spoke in his head. Projecting from the barge’s scanner was a woman’s face. The same one he’d seen when he’d collapsed. “Executing phase shift.” 

The door opened. 

“Yes! I knew I’d get it eventually.” Claptrap rolled on ahead of them. 

“You’re welcome! Perks of being an artificial Intelligence. I’m networked into almost everything in this planet,” she said.

“Is um, is everyone hearing that?” Rhys asked, still half afraid he had a virus. 

“Yep,” confirmed Maya. “She spoke to us a little after Jack tried to blow us up. You hadn’t caught up by then.” “So… Uh…How exactly..?” “I think she’s eridium powered,” Gaige said. “You put enough eridium into anything and it’ll start breaking the laws of physics. Among other things.” 

“I guess that tracks.” He’d heard plenty of murmurings of “weird Eridium shit” back on Helios, and he’d seen a few E-tech demos. The best summation of eridium he could manage was “It’s basically magic”. Plus, he was standing five feet away from a siren, who was even more “basically magic”. 

It was a downhill trek after the barge. The small town, Liar’s Berg, lay at the bottom. “Town” might be a generous word for what it was. It was more a cluster of frozen little buildings surrounded by a wall made from blocks of ice and scrap. But it did somewhat resemble civilization, Rhys had to give it that much. 

Zer0 had gotten ahead of them again. By the time they reached the ridge overlooking the town,  Zer0 was already set up with a sniper rifle, picking off townsfolk. 

“Bandits,” they explained, before anyone could ask. Rhys decided that was credible enough.  Besides, by Jack’s most conservative estimates, Pandora was ninety-five percent bandits, between Dahl’s former prison labor force, abandoned Crimson Lance soldiers, and the lawless treasure hunters that swarmed the planet like flies. Decent people just didn’t come to this planet. 

The bandits that were foolish enough to peer out of cover to return fire fell quickly, and before long, the town looked lifeless. Zer0 stood, shouldering their gun. “I counted twelve more. / They took shelter in buildings. / I will kill them there.” 

“At this rate, I’m tempted to stand back and let you try that,” Maya said. 

Zer0 was already heading down the incline. And maybe the Vault hunters followed Maya’s leadership in some respects, but they didn’t wait for her orders to advance. Except for Krieg and Rhys. 

Krieg paced like he was barely restraining himself from running down the hill after them. “The shiny one’s innards aren’t suffering yet!” 

“Eh. It might be fun,” Maya allowed with a shrug. “Let’s go.” Rhys had hoped to hang back again, let the others do the fighting. The cut in his foot was starting to hurt. But there were more bullymong holes in the walls here, he didn’t want to get caught alone with another pack of them.

He limped after the two of them, allowing himself to fall behind. 

He walked into the town, holding the gun at his side. The ground here had been trampled by numerous footsteps, revealing the dark stone beneath the snow. He passed a burn barrel still flickering with fire. A dead bandit was slumped over it, his face and shoulders charred. More corpses lay in the street. Many of them had no marks but a single hole through their head, Zer0’s work, but there’d been more deaths since. A lone, dismembered leg. A body sliced open vertically. Another covered in bullet wounds. A huge hole blown out of one’s chest. 

The sounds of combat had moved further into town. Rhys followed the gunfire, not in any hurry. If he timed it right, he’d catch up as they were finishing, without making it obvious that he was intentionally sitting things out. Vaughn’s high school gym class strategy.  

A man stumbled out from behind one building. He wore a mask over a pair of goggles, obscuring his entire face. Acid had eaten away the side of his jacket, revealing the melted flesh underneath. He looked straight at Rhys. Worse, he pointed his shotgun straight at him.

“You also worth a million? Jack’s offering a million for Vault hunters.” 

“Do I look like a Vault hunter?” Could he lift his pistol to shoot the guy before getting shot himself? 

The bandit looked him up and down. 

Oh god, wait, would the pistol even shoot? Was it even loaded? It would be just like Zer0 to empty the gun before giving it to him. 

“You look Hyperion,” the bandit said. “Exactly. I’m important up there. You kill me, you and Handsome Jack are gonna be having a problem.” Wait, did this thing have a safety? Was the safety on? How did he tell? 

“Already have a problem with Jack.”  …Shit, he should’ve tested it earlier. 

The bandit shifted, barely an inch. Rhys lifted the gun and pulled the trigger, again and again until the gun stopped firing, and then some after that. 

The bandit fell, dead. 

Rhys stood, frozen, staring at the corpse. The holes the gun made looked tiny. There didn’t seem to be much blood, considering how many times he’d shot him.  

He’d made it far in Hyperion without ever killing anyone. It wasn’t a moral choice, it just didn’t seem like his style. Now that he had, he didn’t even feel bad about it. Hell, he felt great. He laughed, strangely giddy. And a little shaky. Somewhat nauseous. 

“You have surprised me. / I thought he’d blow your head off. / Congratulations.”  

Rhys turned around to see Zer0, sitting on a dumpster, legs crossed. They projected a smiley face. A bucket of sewer water on his victory. 

“...Were you there the whole time?” “I was after him.” Zer0 gestured to the body. “Coward. Ran when I shot him. / But you found him first.” “I could have used some help.” “He didn’t kill you. / And you proved entertaining. / Hyperion guy.” 

He felt his face heat up. “I had to try something! He was pointing a gun at me! I didn’t know if this thing would work!” 

They stood. “The first shot killed him. / You wasted all that ammo. / You should search the corpse.” They flashed him a “:D” and walked away. 

“Ugh.” At least they hadn’t taken the shotgun. A Jakobs double barrel, old and worn-looking. They probably already had something better. 

The bandit wore a belt with a few pouches slung across his chest. Rhys unbuckled it and checked the pouches. Those netted him a handful of loose bullets and a half-empty box of shells. He wasn’t sure how to reload the pistol–shameful, for a Hyperion employee–but a scan with his ECHOeye gave him the necessary instructions.  

Afterward, he attached the belt to the shotgun, turning it into a makeshift sling. If he was going to be stuck on Pandora for a while, he’d need to get one of those digi-holsters the others had. And if it was gonna be this cold… Nearby lay one of Zer0’s victims, a bandit, lying on his back with half of his brain blown out. He was shorter than Rhys but much broader, and his jacket was far from the most disgusting thing Rhys had seen on this planet. It had a few duct tape repairs, a seam on one shoulder had worn apart, and there were a number of questionable stains, but there was barely any blood on it, and Rhys was tired of being cold. 

He unzipped it, pulled the limp arms through the sleeves as far as he could, then flipped the body to yank it the rest of the way off. 

— — —

Liar’s Berg had one living, ostensibly non-bandit resident, Sir Hammerlock. Hammerlock was a fellow cyborg, and despite his esteemed prefix and general air of class, his robotic parts were even more shoddy than Gaige’s. Still, he gave them a warm enough welcome, offering up his home to the Vault hunters for the night. He even had real food, bullymong-meat-free. Granted, it was all canned stuff, but canned beans on thawed-out toast felt like a luxury.

“Hyperion, are you?” he asked, upon introductions. Rhys had made the mistake of taking off his newfound jacket in the heated house. Betrayed by his uniform again. “I hear it’s not easy to defect from a man like Handsome Jack. At least, not without dying horrifically. Well, good on you, I say.” 

Rhys, for his part, managed an awkward laugh and a, “Yeah… We’re definitely gonna…gonna show him.” He tried not to think too hard about Jack’s earlier ECHOcomm. None of the Vault hunters seemed afraid of Jack, but they all possessed some strange deficiency in the fear center of the brain. And they didn’t know the man. They’d never had their coworkers disappear, only to learn their last known location was Jack’s office. Jack was a fantastic leader, but he was not to be crossed. The best Rhys could hope for, as a “traitor”, was to keep his head down and somehow survive Jack’s scourge of Pandora. He could take it day by day. Now? He’d faced a bullymong and killed a man. That had to be something. 

That night was spent on a couch in Sir Hammerlock’s house. He fell asleep almost as soon as he lay down, his dreams of Helios. He’d shoved Vasquez in the airlock and shot him out into space, and was swiftly promoted to associate vice president of Security Propaganda. Zer0 was ther. Dream logic deemed them his secretary. They wore a pair of horn-rimmed glasses over their helmet and carried a clipboard.  

“Next time, I’d recommend not shooting him out the airlock,” they told him in much too long a sentence. “You’ll have more fun if you’re there with him. A knife, perhaps… By the way, you have a meeting at seven with–” 

“So, Rhys was it?” Handsome Jack said, entering his office. 

Rhys perked up. “Yes, sir! Is there something you need? Always glad to be of service, Handsome Jack, sir.” “Are you seriously asleep already?” 

“Wh-what? No, I was just preparing the report on the–” 

“Wake up dipshit!” Rhys jolted up, gasping. Jack had sounded so real, he had to look around the room to reassure himself he wasn’t there. “You up? Good.” Jack’s voice again.  

“J…Jack?” He lifted his right hand. Was it his built-in ECHOcomm? The screen wasn’t on… “I can imagine you’re freaking out, so I’ll spell it out: you’re hearing my voice in your head, dumbshit. Yeah, yeah. Relax. It’s a feature all Hyperion ECHOeyes come with. Fine print stuff. So, about earlier.” “I can explain—I—” “Shh. Don’t talk. You can text me through your ECHOeye, but for right now? Shut up for a second. Obviously, you’re a loyal Hyperion employee who got screwed over, right? I got the whole story out of ol’ Wallethead.” 

“W-wallet—?” he started, before remembering he wasn’t supposed to talk. 

“Anyway, here’s the deal: these idiots think you’re harmless, right? Maybe they even think you’re one of them? You’re gonna use that, help me out a bit here.” “What do I do?” he sent. Using the ECHOeye to send text was new to him, it was harder to control than just using his arm interface. 

“Nothing big. For now? You’re a Vault hunter. Fight alongside them, gain their trust. Once you get into Sanctuary, I have a few things I’ll need you to hack. A little spying, a little sabotage. That kind of thing. Easy, low-risk stuff.”

Rhys nodded, half terrified, realized Jack couldn’t see him nod, and sent him an “Ok.” 

“Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll contact you again when I need you.” “Yes, sir.”  “You let me down? I’ll be sure to personally strangle the life out of you—after reclaiming the Hyperion tech in your skull. Capeesh?” “Yes, sir.” 

“Attaboy. You do good, and I’ll send a shuttle to get you back up to Helios, where there’s a promotion with your name in it. How does President of Security Propaganda sound? Don’t bother answering. Hell, I’ll throw in a couple turbo mansions. Now, get some sleep.”

Sleep was impossible, after that. Part of him was exhilarated, just when he’d lost hope of ever going home, Jack had given him the chance of a lifetime. The kind of chance he could have worked on Helios for the rest of his life without ever getting. And it was the only chance he had at surviving, he knew that now. 

The other part of him was terrified. He didn’t know which would be worse: failing Jack or getting caught by the Vault hunters. The latter was a risk he’d have to take. They already trusted him, Jack had made sure of that by labeling him a traitor. He could be sneaky, he’d already stabbed plenty of backs on Helios. 

There was a third part, too. A small part that kept welling up as much as he tried to push it down. It wasn’t a part worth paying attention to. These people were doomed anyway.

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

2. "Thanks, I'll pass. I'd just go wild."

CALL ME MAÑANA - "And then we might go wild together, which sounds fun. But I guess I have a strike to watch."

"So, anything else you wanted to discuss, boiadeiro?"

5. "Good talking to you. Gotta run." [Leave.]

BOIADEIRO

Research time: 6h 30m Temporary research bonus: -1 Physical Instrument: Astra country

It has been brought to your attention that there are men who live by the law of the land and the strength of their arms. Sunburnt, rugged, smoking men who explored the great rivery veins of upper-Magritte and tamed the Mundi wilds. Frontiersmen, cow-herders, philosophers -- the *boiadeiros*... with a gun in one hand and an unfiltered cigarette between their lips, these men made their own rules. What would it take for you to become one too?

🎵 Martinaise, Terminal B

CARGO CONTAINER DOOR - You're back before the cargo container. Its draw has not lessened since you were last here. If anything, it seems to have grown slightly.

3. [Rhetoric - Impossible 18] Persuade the door to open.

+1 Erratic, yet thorough. +1 Been in the world for two days. +1 Been in this world for many days. +1 Precarious world. +1 One more door. +1 Icosahedral Dice Set "Sirens"

RHETORIC [Impossible: Success] - Despite the dirt that surrounds and trails you, a beacon of light emerges from deep within you.

"Hello, is there anybody in there?"

CARGO CONTAINER DOOR - The door stands silent.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Satisfied, detective?" A wry smile crosses the lieutenant's face.

RHETORIC - Try again.

"If there's someone in there, I'd like to talk to you."

CARGO CONTAINER DOOR - Just like that, you hear a click. Then a rattle. Some mechanism unlocks itself inside the door.

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - From deep within the container, a voice: "Ahoy! Come on in!"

+5 XP

KIM KITSURAGI - The smile disappears. "You can't be serious."

As we approach the centre of the container.... the amount of real we have increases?

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - The man stands at the far end of the shipping container. It's hard to say anything more about him. You cannot make out any of his details, but you do feel the overwhelming presence of... capital.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Trivial: Success] - The feeling causes all the hairs on your body to stand at attention like soldiers preparing for review.

Squint.

Cover your eyes…

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - Something's amiss. The light beams bend around his face and scatter in a thousand directions. It seems the laws of physics do not apply here. They are suspended, distorted, an echo.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Impossible: Failure] - Trying to visualize the physics at play is liable to give you an aneurysm. Don't think about it too hard!

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - In the general stillness, only your tongue moves, flickering as you utter...

"Hello!"

"What's going on in here?"

"Wow."

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - "Welcome, welcome! Not too much, actually, just pleasantly surprised to have company today."

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Trivial: Success] - You can't *hear* him, exactly, yet you're able to understand every word he says. It is very strange. An overwhelming hum covers everything -- voice doesn't escape from him.

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - "Now." He claps his hands together. "What can I do for you gentlemen?" What you can see of his body appears composed. In a sharp summer suit. And yacht shoes.

"Who are you?"

"We should get back to our investigation. Thanks for your time." [Leave.]

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - "Who *am* I? Oh, I haven't been asked that question for such a long time." There's genuine surprise in his voice. "I don't meet a lot of people outside my circle these days..."

"Anyhow, my name is Roustame Diodore -- investor, licence holder, and extremely high-net-worth individual. And you are?"

+5 XP

KIM KITSURAGI - "Mr. Diodore, I am Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi of the RCM, and this is my partner..."

"Harrier Du Bois."

"The name's Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau. Most likely."

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - "Pleasure to meet you, Harrier Du Bois," he says warmly. "I must admit, the name suits you very well."

"Who are you?"

"How did you become so rich?"

"What are you doing in this container?"

"You're a rich investor, right? Can I have some money?"

"We should get back to our investigation. Thanks for your time." [Leave.]

KIM KITSURAGI - "Oh, lord, not this again."

"What's the matter, Kim?"

Ignore him.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Oh, nothing. It's just that we've got this *murder* to solve, and yet you go around asking everyone about *money*. And every time I ask, 'Are you sure this is related to the case?', you say, 'Sure, Kim. I think it is'..."

"And yet it never seems to get us any closer to solving the case."

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - The man chuckles. "It's quite alright. I'm used to the question by now. To be blunt, I inherited my fortune from my grandmother, who, herself, was an extremely high-net-worth individual back in Graad..."

"All I did was take her fortune and invest it prudently. Believe it or not, it takes more than a bit of skill not to blow a vast fortune on sailing boats, bad choices, and *unsupervised* state policy."

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] - And blow.

"What's it like being an extremely high-net-worth individual?"

"Cool. But I want to ask you about something else."

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - The man exhales with a whistle. "I gotta tell you, at first, being rich is a lot of work. You've got to work hard because everything's so darn expensive. You know, prices increase exponentially at this income level..."

"But then, once you've reached my position, it's nearly impossible for me *not* to make money. My assets are so diversified that I'm bound to come out ahead no matter what..."

"Some of my lower-net-worth friends say to me, 'But doesn't that take all the fun out of it?' and I tell them, 'Not really.'"

[fatehbaz]

So ice kind of shows up to this particular social landscape of elite businessmen [...]. So ice becomes shipped to Hawai’i in the 1850s and 1860s. [...] And not very much time later, freezing and refrigeration technology starts to emerge. [...] It begins to reflect Hawai’i’s physical landscapes. So we’ve got increased urbanization [...] [and] massive infrastructural development [...].

And it really happens through this clash of Western tastes and cosmopolitan ideas of consumption with Indigenous foodways and Native Hawaiian politics of consumption. So we have the way that Native Hawaiians had always eaten without freezing and refrigeration. Fishing, growing [...]. And then we’ve got these Western ideas of coldness and purity and refreshment. And so we have Native Hawaiian foods that are sour and salty. Room temperature kinds of things. And then we’ve got these Western prized tastes that are sweet and cold [...].

---

We have annexation in 1898. A bunch of American military backed businessmen depose the queen in 1893 [...]. And with annexation came the importation of a lot of American legal frameworks [...]. So in 1906, we have the Wylie Act, which is the Pure Food and Drug Act, which essentially aimed at regulating product labeling [...] in terms of ideas of purity, quality. Right? You’re buying a product that won’t get you sick [...], that’s unadulterated. [...] [T]he US kind of had a little checklist of, “Is it ice cream? Is it not ice cream?” It had to have a certain percentage of butterfat in it [...]. It has to contain, you know, X numbers of milk solids, whatever it is. [...]

[O]ne particular man who I find so fascinating. His name is Edward Blanchard. [...] [H]e arrives to Hawaiʻi in this time period to become the food inspector who worked under the Hawaiʻi Department of Health. And Edward Blanchard is there to reinforce all of the Pure Food and Drug laws. [...] One of the things happening in Hawaiʻi at that time period was all of these Western diseases were kind of running amok through Hawaiian society. And Native Hawaiians are particularly vulnerable to these forms of disease [...].

One particular outbreak that happened in Hawaiʻi in the early 1910s is traced to these urban poi shops that Native Hawaiians are buying their staple food from. And Blanchard, it's his job to go in and take care of the situation. He closes down all of the poi vendors in Honolulu. You can't get the staple food anywhere. So all of this stuff is happening at this time. People are dying. Nobody can get the food that they need or want. And he gets completely derailed and distracted from this moment because he becomes obsessed with ice cream in the city. And he comes to the conclusion that the ice cream in Honolulu is not up to American standards and it doesn't have enough butterfat in it. So he writes to the President of the Board of Health. And he says, "Look, something more urgent is coming up, can you get somebody else on the cholera beat so that I can start to arrest people for not selling rich ice cream." [...]

Priorities. I'm super fascinated with this guy because it's kind of fucked, right, that people are dying, but he wants to make sure that ice cream is rich enough.

And for me, that really says so much about what's getting valued in this particular point in time when American power is on the rise in Hawaiʻi. Because in some respects, it's a life and death situation that gets completely sidelined and ignored for purposes of intensifying pleasure and richness and sweetness and coldness. [...]

---

One place that you can really track changing tastes is through institutions, right? Hospitals, schools, training centers, whatever it is that has a kind of food program, you can look at what's on the menu in those places to really see how they're forming ideas about what people should be eating. So even in Native Hawaiian schools and Native Hawaiian institutions, you can see traditional foods that are starting to almost inevitably always be capped off with ice cream for dessert, right. It's that first thing that starts to appear and to start to shift the foodscape. [...]

The food sovereignty movement in Hawaiʻi has been really active over the last 15 or 20 years. And there are a lot of community groups in Hawai'i, both Native Hawaiian and non-Native folks that are working in solidarity to not only restore Indigenous foodways, but to also restore the ecosystems that support them. So there are chefs that are working with local ingredients. There are also food producers that are working with traditional agricultural technologies [...].

---

Words of Hi’ilei Julia Kawehipuaakahaopulani Hobart. As interviewed by Jonathan Van Ness. A transcription of an audio recording interview. “What’s The Cold, Hard Truth About Ice in  Hawai’i? with Hi’ilei Julia Kawehipuaakahaopulani Hobart.” An episode of Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness. 7 December 2022.