#the retro-realistic aesthetic is also so cool

[elbiotipo]

Surviving Mars is such a fun, underrated game. But then I begin to start saying things like "oh and this will be the dome for children's education and this is the dome for retirees and this is the dome for university and every dome will have a perfect design with carefully calculated amounts of water and oxygen and food" and I realize I start to sound like those philosophers with their perfect utopias

[appleciderjulie]

OK ITS TIME FOR ME TO YAP ABOUT WHAT I WANT IN THE NEXT GAME TO COPE WITH SPLATOON 3 ENDING

ok so first of all, congrats team past!! y’all fought hard (hard enough for me to ragequit at one point actually,,,)

im gonna be completely honest, i reallyyyyy dont want a great turf war/legends-arceus-but-splatoon game, or for that at least to be the entire game, anyway. that would put the main story on pause for around 5 years, and bring us back to the main conflict between the inklings and octolings, and im gonna be honest, im so done with that. and plus, the weapon roster would have to be narrowed significantly in order to fit in with the plot.

what i think would be absolutely AMAZING would be for the main city to be have an 80’s retro vibe, similar to the aesthetic of the octo expansion. we can all agree that octo expansions aesthetic was on point, yeah?? i feel like that could be an awesome main city.

now, getting to the story mode/dlcs,,, i think it would be really really cool to have a time-travel based game. for the main story mode we could travel back to the past, maybe to the great turf war, but also maybe to other important events in splatoon lore, like stuff going back to the human extinction.

for the dlcs (plural, i hope and pray) we could have one take place in the present, im not entirely sure what the storyline of that would be… i haven’t thought about it a bunch… but continuing the theme of time travel, we could travel into the future for the next dlc. i think that’d be so cool.

im gonna be kinda honest- im not entirely sure i want a new agent. i think a cool feature could be a 4-player mode in the solo campaigns could be maybe picking your agent, and then playing as them maybe?? im not really sure how that would work out, but i was talking about it with my little brother today and i thought that was a fun idea. not sure how realistic it is, but all the same.

ok yap session over, did i cook chat

[pinkpinkmermayyy]

some of my favorite YouTubers! Some of these are coquette but some of them are not, so I’m still going to tag the coquette tag but it won’t apply for all of these

CZsworld, a horror themed channel that focuses on the intricate histories, theories, characters and stories of many horror movies, books, and sometimes tv shows. He also talks about people/figures from real life in more parody-esque horror history videos. He’s extremely cool and an amazing channel to watch to get into the Halloween mood during October, but watching him at any other time is enjoyable as well

glamourdaze, a collection of different videos from the 20th century, such as beauty and healthcare videos, or just videos of people from different decades in this century living out their lives. What makes this channel one of my favs is that they revive the clips of people from decades such as the 1920s to color them and slow them down (to make it look less choppy and more realistic in how the people move) and it really gives a whole new different perspective on these eras and makes us realize that this wasn’t too long ago.

Erin Parsons Makeup, a very talented makeup artist and vintage collector who’s really cool and someone I love seeing talking about makeup and fashion from history. She’s very similar to glamourdaze except she mainly focuses on vintage/antique fashion and recreates retro looking styles in her looks and it’s just really neat :>

Schafrillas Productions… yeah he’s just very neat and I like watching his movie/tv show reviews. Though his content where he’s passionate and excited about a piece of media is enjoyable, watching him rip apart something he genuinely despises with an infinite amount of rage is funny as all hell

Micarah Tewers, a very talented, artistic, and funny seamstress who makes different types of dresses and outfits in her videos. I love how much dedication and detail she puts into her work to make it stand out and look amazing whenever she wears it, and I also really enjoyed her prom dress videos. She’s also really funny and I love all the extra hijinks she shows herself getting into in between making her project and the video itself lol

Nylijah Myeesah, aka the channel of @/lovesickbrat is a really great coquette channel, and she also has some very good points on different parts of the coquette community and how some aesthetics (such as traumacore or doelet) need to be criticized more because of what they promote.

Colin LooksBack, a Disney based channel that focuses on the characters and movies/other media from Disney, as well as the behind the scenes details of how classic Disney films were made, especially the animated movies made during Walt Disney’s life/career

Karolina Żebrowska, a history fashion themed channel that you probably have heard of. She makes a lot of historical videos as fashion videos and she’s just very talented and intelligent and you should check her out.

Finally, Lavendertowne, the channel I have the fondest YouTube memories of as she was the one who inspired me to start art. I used to love her creepydrawstas and her videos where she drew different stuff as people, as well as her art tutorials. I wouldn’t have gotten to my point in my art journey if it weren’t for her, and overall she’s very cool and sweet.

[commajade]

the newjeans concept is a cool group of friends that you want to be a part of and they're inviting u to join, the target audience conceptually is girls around their age and they're the coolest girls u can imagine and they want to hang out with u. their debut was super fashionable girls that have a lot of fun together in another country and meet boys and go to concerts and parties, a teenage dream esp during the pandemic. u want to be them, u want to be in their friend group. it's about youthful exuberance and the very gen z and the innovative social media focused concept of the hype boy mvs reflects this.

ditto is continuing that with a more realistic and nostalgic aesthetic but the eerie plot twist that the girl's group of friends isn't real is very self aware that this isn't a real relationship between the fans and the girls. but it's ultimately saying fans and causal listeners can still get real comfort from the group as they're feeling isolated while growing up.

min heejin is very big on cinematic aesthetics and allusions to art and film so the retro korea high school setting is a lot more grounded and feels like an indie film and not a music video. the stage outfits are a much more conservative realistic take on the high school uniform than usual. she is also v artistically invested in the vulnerability and allure of youth and the mv being so much about longing for friends and experiencing deep loneliness and the bittersweetness of leaving escapism and growing up was fresh and had a big emotional impact.

[we-pay-for-everything]

I was expecting Wednesday to be Stranger Things cool, but tbh it's too cliché and failed to live up to its potential. Hopefully, season 2 will be better since I liked the show and the characters. Wednesday could be too much the "not like other girls" emo stereotype, which stopped her from being a truly interesting character. She was cute, innocent, tough and "cold" but secretly a good person, and you couldn't help but wish for her to become "normal" although she never lived up to your expectations. There's no good reason for her to be so distrustful of people though, considering her family is actually quite loving. Is it a consequence of being raised like a trained assassin? But so were all her family members and they were different. I know it's the premise of the character but the show was too realistic in many ways for me not to expect a better explanation for her behavior. In fact, the small town and retro aesthetics that everyone is obsessed with for some reason and the supernatural story clashed quite glaringly with the modern setting of the show - especially with the presence of the police and a court-appointed shrink.

Anyway, I liked how the women saved (and ruined) the day. Enid and Wednesday were cute and their hug made me smile. I really like Enid and Eugene (esp Eugene, my poor baby). I liked Bianca, the Principal, Xavier, and Tyler and Marilyn pre-reveal too. That's where the show truly went wrong imo. The reveal that the good guy was actually an evil monster who even did the whole psycho confession thing was so pathetic. I know white men suck but why couldn't he just be the good guy? Xavier would've made more sense as a pawn who wasn't in control of himself. The signs were pointing in his direction in a rather obvious way since it was a misdirect but it still would've made more sense than making Tyler the bad guy. That was such a perfect way to add romance without having to make Wednesday "betray" herself and date. She could keep being the girl who refused to date and do "normal" things, especially since falling in love would've been cliché, yet not doing so was cliché too (she did kind of fall for Tyler though, a bit, at least). I liked Tyler and he was just a traumatized teenager so couldn't he have been innocent? He was triggered and brainwashed so why make him evil? Worse than Tyler was probably Marilyn. I liked her character and Christina Ricci did an excellent job playing the kind and caring teacher. Playing the bad guy? Didn't convince me at all. She doesn't have the face for it and her lines were terrible. Everything about the final confrontation was lame. It was also rushed. Honestly, way to fail the landing.

[fmp1cieranshippy]

EXTENSIVE RESEARCH 4

When did pixel art start? What type of games was it used in and why

Pixel art started around - 1972-1983 the games it was used upon were on games like pong, however because technology was restricted and very hard to come by, people with these type of games had to use their own imagination on what the game was all about, with just two rectangles and a ball and a score.

1983-1987 Also known as the 8-bit era

Technology was still limited, however developers with more access were able to recreate "try" to and make games with easy to get characters recognizable characters with secrets and cool and imaginative backgrounds to engage and catch the players eyes

Games will be told with imagery

Zelda

Sonic and mario

And so much more!

1987-1993

The 16 bit era

During this era technology was massive again not really but still massive, as Gameboys, arcades and consoles were a thing and pixel art was everywhere with old games coming back and new players coming and playing with them, but these games would get an extreme update and a much more detailed look cause of the extreme step up in size, games like Metroid

1993-2006 (the downfall)

Sadly Pixel art began to die down in popularity, as new creators and developers found new ways to exploit the style and make it "better", with 3D games coming along using the style while also removing the whole aesthetic of pixel art, as the 3D characters looked less like pixel art and just terrible models plastid in, which with good contrast is how pixel art started as cause of the low quality invented the most cool and unique style of art ever to be created.

2006-Present

Today Pixel art was reintroduce, with new games being made to this day and with the cool style being used more often, with using more bigger canvases to create awesomely amounts of detail with location, maps and level design.

Sadly the style will not burst with excitement as much anymore, as in now a days standards it is used for more indie style games being considered for Retro uses only, even though it can be used for big budget games as that would be cool but for now it is only used for the indie game side of game design which is just sad and should be used more often. Which is where I come in (hopefully)

 how have they developed further?

Review a selection of pixel games that apparently hit the top 10 why and how does the colour palette and art work differ in each?

I will look at 10 / 5 pixel games and contrast and compare there unique style, to help differ from each other and which style I like the most and prefer.

15. Prodigal(2020)

Why: The game looks very Pokémon and Zelda (ish), which will catch viewers attention to try and play it

Style: The Style is very old looking, using a lot of lighter greys and pale colours to make it look very retro, while using cool colours like blue and eye catching yellows for specific items to indicate how important they are.

Backbone (2019)

Why: The styles eye catching and god smacking for those whoa re interested in looking at beautiful backgrounds and locations and yes I do find it pretty to look at also despite my opinion of it, plus that it was written in a modern style with funny characters and awesome great to details with dialogue and the mystery at hand whoever is looking for a good mystery and get wrap up in the drama.

Compare Style: To Compare the style here, where the pixel art is in different styles like detailed to extremely detailed, with the backgrounds and locations looking extremely realistic, where the characters and cars etc look very mid in terms of realism just to put contrast of the background, while also putting the contrast onto the characters as they shouldn't be the way they are like animal people but they are, so it makes sense. however I prefer the first style as I prefer to know that its pixel's and as much as it is good to go really into detail with pixel art I in my opinion think it removes the whole weird nature and weird blocky nature pixel art brings, where the first style can still be seen as pixel art and look beautiful and realistic, this just looks too realistic that it looks like real life. Which is what pixel art is once you add more detail to it, but that is ruining it for me as I prefer a weird goofy blocky style where you can still see it as pixel art but at the same time admire the hard work gone in to it to make it look like a person and look good.

6. Shovel Knight: Treasure Trove (2014)

Why: For the beautiful crafted pixel art making a retro style to a game and putting it in a modern style without going over the top with the detail, to the point where it loses the pixel edge to it, while also having funny stupid looking characters that will catch the attention plus it being like Mario and having references to ducktails Castlevania

Style: The Style is really eye catching with good use of shading and lighting, with very funny looking characters but what got me looking at this game, was an old Ds game I use to play called Scooby doo, the style was very similar to this not like really detail but the vibe it gives off just reminds me of that game.

Can't find the exact game, but it looks like this in concept but I have a mental memory of it being more dark with enemies around every corner.

1. Eastward (2021)

Why: that feel much like classic RPGs from the SNES era, which will catch more attention to those that love that style of gameplay or want to experience it for the first time.

Style: The style is very simple, way simple than the others yet surprisingly holding enough detail to make it look pretty and simple, alot, the style which fits for the vibe is going for is very like aftermath situation where everything is reshined and preserved as people use the remaining remains to build small / big locations to survive from the cruel world, which is a really cool contrast.

[maxwell-grant]

So, I reread your post on how you aren't too fond of spy parodies in the James Bond vein, and it made me think: what are your thoughts on how TF2 intersects with that kind of pulp fiction or spy fiction?

I don't think I'm "not too fond of" spy parodies in general, really, whatever my thoughts on James Bond himself I'm not adverse to spy fiction or spy parodies, they just usually don't do much of anything for me. Maybe part of that is because I got really, really spoiled early with TF2, which was one of my first big fandoms.

First thing that comes to mind with the idea of an intersection between TF2 and spy fiction is an SFM short called Agent Gunn: Vulkanite, which is fan-made but well-made to the point it might as well be official. It's a short film about this badass superspy Bond character with an ending that shows what happens when you put James Bond in the TF2 universe: He may get to do all that James Bond crap and look cool and stylish and so on, but since this is Team Fortress 2, the Mercs will eventually show up to kick his ass and steal his shit and ride off into the sunset laughing at him. Whether that’s because this is their turf and old-school conventions don’t apply here, because TF2′s parody status demands this to happen, or because it’s the TF2 mercs and this is just what you’d expect them to do regardless, it’s up to you.

TF2 over the years has kinda blossomed into this ever-more-absurd cartoon of itself in a way that's only made it funnier and more long-lasting than it might have been otherwise, so it's interesting to look back on it's early years, in it's initial design documents, and see a point where they had the design and art style figured out, but not quite the personality down pat. It’s funny to think that TF2′s design was specifically set to be retro-inspired, in many ways more retro than Team Fortress 1 (Classic) was intended to be, because “retro” is not usually an adjective we associate with timeless design, quite the opposite. Team Fortress 2′s approach to design is, or at least was, a bunch of J.C Leyendecker-looking characters duking it out in an 1960s spy movie setting, a combination that feels like it should be in a dated prequel to a modern FPS, not in the sequel to one. 

A lot of this comes down to the fact that Team Fortress 2 was, originally, intended to have that kind of modern warfare aesthetic, and they had 9 years in development to work out a lot of things about this game and change it, ultimately realizing that all their attempts to make this gritty and realistic and serious experience didn’t match at all the actual experience of playing a first-person shooter, which is chaos and nonsense and people dicking around. They ended up instead taking the better road, which was to embrace the chaos and allow for the game to be funny, but most importantly, make it distinct. Making each of it’s characters distinct from each other became the top priority, and it paid off superbly. 

A lot of what sets TF2 apart from most other FPS games comes from the fact that it works with the player experience and embraces it in it’s sheer chaos, and this, I think, also works in it’s favor in regards to how it relates to those two influences. TF2 gets a lot of praise for it’s extremely strong cast of personalities and rightfully so, and it also gets a lot of great jokes out of just playing around with the setting it’s built for itself and how the characters live, kill and/or die in it. The characters are absurd because the world is absurd, and sometimes the world gets so absurd that the characters can even look normal or well-adjusted by comparison. 

I think a lot of it’s strengths are helped by the fact that it’s characters weren’t originally designed to be funny first and foremost, which is why the comics succeed in doing dramatic bits with them, but they all lend themselves to be funny not just because of their personalities, but because they live and participate in this superspy warfare world, and that kind of thing is just inherently bonkers no matter how you cut it. It’s a lot like how, no matter how dark and gritty and aggressively self-important superheroes get, they will never wash away that childish whimsy of it’s origins, and this is not at all a negative. Team Fortress 2 gets to have pretty much most of the great and cool parts of spy fiction, even played as straight as the creators want it to be, or making it even cooler by having you live out those (particularly if you happen to be one of the bastards who plays Spy, which I am lmao), but it also gets to dick around and poke fun at the entire genre/format extensively.

It’s intersection with spy fiction is that TF2 (and Venture Bros as well) is one of the great, wonderful consequences of living in a world where Austin Powers killed James Bond. 

Now, there’s an argument to be made that TF2 isn’t exactly pulling from “traditional” pulp fiction that much, considering that the bulk of it’s inspirations comes from the men’s adventure paperbacks that were specifically not the pulps and were partially instrumental in the downfall of pulp fiction in American circles. But, I can’t bring myself to seriously argue that kind of stuff doesn’t fall under the pulp umbrella (I think most people even call it pulp nowadays), I think I’ve talked enough about how impossible and useless it is to define pulp fiction under those parameters. It’s also not an argument worth exploring in regards to TF2 because, well, it very clearly has pulp love in it’s blood, the biggest reasoning as to why being, the entire existence of Saxton Hale,

who’s sort of Professor Challenger if he borrowed Doc Savage’s workout ethic, and General Zaroff for most of the other ethics. Who initially existed mainly so the creators could get as much over-the-top pulp nonsense humor out of their systems as possible, and who stayed that way even as he was developed into more of a character, still far more absurd than the other characters but with an established personality, as the merc’s comedically insensitive boisterious arms-dealing Great White Hunter shitbag of a boss with this wholly separate world of adventures that mostly don’t show up and don’t matter except for when it’s funny, and who gets away with being a shitbag because he’s funny and the setting has considerably worse villains.

To bring up Venture Bros again, in some ways, Saxton kinda feels like he fulfills a similar role to Jonas Venture Sr, in the sense that he’s painted with broader strokes than the other characters in ways that make him a monument to the pulp side of things that runs in the work’s blood, sort of embodying a part of this universe in a way, and the fact that these two are more of aggressive pastiches than the other characters serves to underline that they are not on the same level as the other characters and also that they lord over them, because they fit in this world in ways they don’t, because they’re cut out to thrive in all this retro superspy cartoon warfare nonsense, if not having outright created or inspired much of it himself. Saxton is practically a saint compared to Jonas but, that has more to do with the fact that Team Fortress 2 is considerably more light-hearted and funny than Venture Bros and it has considerably different priorities for storytelling.

Speaking of the more pulp side of TF2, it’s also important to note that, in the lore of the series, it was established that the conflict between RED vs BLU has been ongoing for decades before any of the mercs were even born, and that the first team of mercenaries (pictured above) hired by the Mann brothers in 1850 consisted of sort of a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen set-up of several big historical figures filling in the roles, most of whom based on real people except for John Henry (who fills in for Heavy), and Fu Manchu (who was the original Spy). A lot of modern pulp works use this approach extensively in order to go for a retro vibe or explore alternate history scenarios and, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have to dig very hard to find one or several examples of “pulp” stories written in modern times where Abraham Lincoln’s wielding a flamethrower or Nikola Tesla kickstarts a sci-fi revolution. 

I will say that I do find the usage of Fu Manchu in this line-up interesting.  The bulk of the character’s adventures all take place in the 1900s (with the earliest date canonically attributed to him being 1880 as when he began a plot spanning 30 years, and PJF attributing his birth year to 1840), and no work, as far as I can find, ever depicted him as a young man, let alone potentially a hero (the comics do emphasize a lot how Spy as a person is nowhere near as much of a bastard as his in-game reputation indicates) and certainly not a team player alongside the likes of Nikola Tesla, and considering the kind of things he does and says as an elderly crimelord, for Fu Manchu to have spent his youth working as a mercenary for rich American bastards? That implies a character arc of sorts. (This seems to be the last named appearence Fu Manchu has ever made in any piece of pop culture, not counting Shang Chi’s father, but a name change doesn’t really make him a different character and plenty of really great modern Shang Chi stories still make use of the Fu Manchu iconography to make a point without making any actual tribute to the character, which is the ideal outcome). This is a largely irrelevant piece of trivia within the context of TF2, just something I wanted to highlight if we’re talking the way pulp shows up in TF2, at least overtly. 

Part of the reason why I did bring up Venture Bros and other stuff is because, and I do stress this everytime I get talking about TF2, but the game has grown so much past it’s beginnings that it’s kind of mind-boggling to get your head around, for the past 15 years it’s been alive and kicking and, much like it’s characters, breaking the rules and defying logic and somehow still staying alive even when they should have been dead and buried a billion times now, even after it’s been followed up by countless shinier and trendier shooters, even after it’s been left to die and plagued with issues after issues, after everyone says it’s dead. I guess to me that’s the most “pulp” thing about it, the way it intersects most with the kind of pulp fiction I spotlight on my blog. 

Not just it’s aesthetics and approach to storytelling and violence and humor and protagonist as unhinged and mercurial as they are human and persistent to the bitter end, but the fact that the thing as a whole just doesn’t die, even when by all means it already has and shouldn’t even exist anymore. It just keeps on finding new ways to live again and again and keep on trucking, as fiction, as a style, as a fanbase, as a meme (as many, many, many, many, many memes, actually), as a dream or goal. It’s still beloved by many and it still has plenty of gas in the tank. It will not die.

...It sure could use an actual goddamn update any second now, though.

[waveletstsbitch]

Cym as :

types of people : taylor swift albums

Taylor Swift: boho. super dreamy. trips to the seaside, quiet and reserved, feathers. acoustic guitars. dream catchers. staring off into space. washed out faded jeans, the bluest eyes you will ever see. a bit of a country bumpkin. treasures her friends over anything, meaningful stares. soft laughter.

Fearless: loyalty for friends. the smell of the rain. pretty fierce, always on the move. low expectations. daisies. hard to figure out. long soft hair, very rarely takes their walls down. scented candles, realistic. fresh bed sheets. butterflies, appreciates art. old paperbacks. always poking her tongue out at her friends, earphones in to avoid smalltalk.

Speak now: believes in fairy tall endings. a dreamer. baking pastries. really girly, but also has a mature side. curly hair. gets a crush way too easily. tries to hold onto the innocence of their childhood. pastel colours. good grades. silly faces to her bestie. sweet personality. fluffy socks. dreams of slow dancing in the moonlight.

RED: vintage aesthetic. carefree. red lipstick. low-key savage, retro filters. thrifted clothes. indie records, vans, sunglasses collection. messy handwriting, living in the moment, always loud, sick of feeling broken. tangled earphones.comes and goes as she pleases, sarcasm served with a side of sass. good times.

1989: super fun to be around. glitter everything. dancing like nobody is watching. no time for haters. a bit all over the place, but is still thriving. rays bands. a little cray cray. NYC. easily pissed off but gets over it quickly. having the time of their life. candid polaroids. really cool, subtle attitude. smudged mascara after pulling an all nighter with friends.

reputation: badass. actually a really genuine person, despite the rumours. night train rides alone. has a list of enemies. kinda dark but also has a soft side. a bit of a heartbreaker. adrenaline rushes, can really rocks a dark lipstick. driving through the city at night, storm clouds parting to let the sun shine. different and doesn't mind. is secretly in love.

Oooooh good ask anon sorry for the late answer

*rolls up the sleeves* alright time to work

Taylor Swift (self-titled album) - @hehe-dramaturgy & @rudolphsboyfriend (you both literally give me same vibes in the best way possible so)

Fearless - @illunisnoctua (come on it says innocence of thei childhood)

Speak Now - @brutalrebelkid

RED - @maggi-masala (i saw sarcasm and then bam ik my apprentice very well)

1989 - @imapparentlycoolandfriendly &

@frostedcupcakes07 (idk you both fit the description perfectly <3)

Reputation - @aeturnusapientia (don't ask me why just dont , you scare me woman)

[paragonrobits]

a friend asked me to give a shot at doing an entry in this tier list they linked me to, of the video games inducted into the World Video Game Hall of Fame since 2015, and I opted to give it a shot!

My rankings are generally biased towards games I personally enjoy playing, though I will give some commentary on their historic relevance:

S-Rank

Super Mario Bros: The game that repopularized video games in the US, that arguably began the entire platforming video game genre and all its imitators and spin-offs, that spawned a new generation of video games after the Atari Crash in the US, and still a DAMN FUN game in its own right! I simply had to put this at the top ranking. After the disillusionment caused by Atari’s failures, this game brought home consoles back in a big way to the US. 

World of Warcraft: Now, I’m not much for MMORPGs. Nevertheless, I’ve followed the lore and general information in the Warcraft setting for years now, and a couple years back, my brother asked me to play it with him. I had a ton of fun, honestly! Playing a goblin mage, I believe. WoW is notable for being THE MMORPG, and still going strong. Admittedly, nowadays many games do what it does better, and the time when it was dominant as THE single game to play is past, but it was still an enjoyable experience and I really have to like how sincere the game is about its aesthetics and campy vibe. Given that the entire setting is reputedly a reskin of a Warhammer Fantasy Battle video game that went south, it’s cheery and colorful, morally gray tone is... an interesting complication in its history. (Also, HORDE. I STAN THE HORDE VERY HARD.)

The Sims: A bit of history; I did not play this game as enthusiastically as a kid as my sister and mom did. We ALL spammed the hell out of the Rosebud cheat, though; not until recent times did I actually wind up playing the game properly, when the most recent iteration of the series was free for a while. My mom didn’t care to play the game, she just liked building houses. In any case, while my attention drifted from the game now and then, I always am fascinated by the actual gameplay of caring for your simulated humans, and the way you don’t actually control them directly. This sort of hands off experience is actually a bit similar to the ‘dungeon simulator’ genre, and while the game is notorious for enabling cruelty (something I never saw the appeal of!), it’s a surprisingly wholesome experience, and it can’t be understated how unique this gameplay was at the time.

Legend of Zelda: It’s actually rather interesting how different OG Zelda is from modern games. Not just the top down perspective (which DOES pop up, now and then); the game is non-linear and allows you to go to any dungeon at any point, completing the game at your leisure, and the story is extremely barebones compared to what we may be used to. It’s quite a far cry from the linear gameplay of gradually collecting tools and working through plots that the games are known for. Breath of the Wild is, in fact, a return to form rather than an upheaval of the formula. I’ll also admit that I have a lot of affection for the gameplay of this one, as well as Link To The Past.

Donkey Kong: When you’re talking old school, as far as what you might call the modern generation of games goes (which is to say, the games that resurged after the Atari Crash), it’s hard to go wrong with Donkey Kong. It’s certainly notable for being a weird stage in Mario’s character and something that is generally ignored; it’s just strange thinking that at one point he was supposed to be abusive towards a pet ape that went in an innocent, well-meaning rampage! Personally this one kind of breaks a mold for my S-class rankings because while I like this one fine, I don’t like it THAT much; i mostly played it in the DK 64 game, and found it very difficult and that’s stuck with me. Still, I place it here for its momentous position in placing Nintendo on the map, with the influence and revolutionary technologies and gaming mechanics they would introduce, to this very day.

Pokemon Red/Blue: Hoo boy. HOO BOY it is honestly something of an oversight that I didn't immediately shove this beauty straight to the front of the S-line because good god I love this game. It's been years and years, long since I was but a whee Johnny playing a strange new game for the first time just because there was a cool turtle creature on the cover (because I was super into turtles back then), and I still love this game. Even with the improvements made to the formula since then (getting rid of HMs, the fixes and new types introduced since) there's still something lovable about this game, even as something as basic as the official artwork that just tugs my heartstrings. This game is highly notable for being an RPG that popularized the monster collecting/befriending gameplay (so far as I know), and as an autistic person, i really appreciate knowing the whole thing grew out of an autistic man's bug collection hobby from when he was a child. Pokemon is an absolute juggernaut of a media influence, and THIS is where it all began. It's first stage evolution, you might say. And not like a Magikarp or anything. This one's more like one of the starters... appropriately enough. Final Fantasy 7: This is probably a bit of a controversial take, but FF7 was not actually one of my favorite Final Fantasy entries back in the day. I never played much more of it than the beginning missions, as my cousin owned the machine in question, and I moved out before i could play it much. Final Fantasy 3 (in the US; it's more generally referred to as 6 now) was my favorite for a long, long time, and that game pioneered many of the traits that would be associated with 7: the epic story, the complex ensemble cast, though 7 really expanded on that basic idea, and previous games were hardly shabby in that regard. 9 is my favorite of the pre-10 era, with its extreme shake ups to the mechanics of the game. No; what makes 7 stand out is that it was a shift towards making Final Fantasy a constantly shifting, unique franchise where every entry was its own thing; it introduced 3D graphics with a fun and cartoony style mixed with a story that wouldn't be out of place in a cyberpunk story, and heralds Squaresoft (as it was called at the time) splitting off from Nintendo, with its censorship policies, and doing its own thing with Sony, with a great deal more freedom to write as they pleased. The party design also stands out, which each character having their own unique function in the party while the Materia concept allows a degree of modular skills to be installed, customizing them in ways that, in my opinion, the best entries in the franchise (on a gameplay level) would revisit. Colossal Cave Adventure: I'll be honest; I never played this game, and I don't believe it's particularly familiar to me at all. However, I chose it for this vaunted spot in S-rank because games of this nature, of text-based prompt and responses, are some of the most interesting things imaginable! Games like AI Dungeon are similar in some respects, and its impressive to think just how dang old this game is, and yet it managed to pull off basically being it's own DM. It has an interesting history; created by a man who worked on the precursor to the Internet, the game was made to connect with his daughter and was inspired by recent entries into Dungeons And Dragons, and later expanded upon by other programmers. It's notable that while Zork is the sort of game that would probably involve more immediate recognition (I actually mistook it for Zork at first, from the screenshot), this game was the first of its kind, and that always deserve some recognition. Minecraft: I absolutely LOVE Minecraft, and it's rightfully one of the most popular games, if not THE most popular game, of the last couple of decades, and it's interesting to think just how unconventional it is; the game is, effectively, a LEGO simulator, and as someone who honestly always wanted tons of LEGO sets as a kid but could never afford them consistently, there's something genuinely very appealing about Minecraft's basic set up. It's open approach and lack of a goal, just gameplay mechanics that encourage you to build and do as you please, makes for a very relaxing and unusual mentality not often seen in games until this point; it doesn't even have a storyline, it simply gives you a world to play around in. Of note, Minecraft's entry seems to have relevance towards video games becoming a cultural touchstone; Minecraft's visual aesthetic leans towards both blocky LEGOs and retro graphics, and certainly proves that games don't need to strive for hyper realistic graphics to be appealing. ----- A RANK Doom: I genuinely like Doom, a lot! I still have memories of replaying this game frequently, long before Doom 2016 and Eternal were glimmers; it's just genuinely very fun to play. That said, I feel that there's other games that are a bit more historically notable and while i like this game, not quite as much as other entries. But it cant be understated that this was THE first person shooter, and more to the point, was fundamental towards game design as we know it. Of note, it pioneered the idea of a game engine, which has had tremendous impact down the road in terms of making a flexible baseline system that latergames were programmed around. Additionally, the first three episodes being free, with the additional ones being purchased as part of the full game, this was, I think, the first demonstration of a demo. Back then, we called this shareware; a game which was free but had full features locked off, but otherwise you could play it however much you wanted. There's a REASON Doom winds up on more systems than Skyrim! Ultimately, while it's not one of my favorite games, it's impact on the business of gaming and the functions of game design cannot be overstated. Pac-Man: This game, is THE game that made video games a phenomenon and its worth thinking about that and how video games as a modern institituion can be drawn, however broadly, from Pac-Man's commercial success. I should note that while I've played this game extensively, it's not something I'm particularly good at; there's a LOT going on here and its a bit much for me to handle. That's probably a strength; there's a reason people had to fake their accomplishments and falsified high scores. It's worth noting that Pac-Man is a unique thing in that it has been rereleased many times over, and every generation has found it enjoyable and fun, unlike other games that set trends only to be lost out in the end. (Goldeneye, for instance!) The Oregon Trail: Like many other people I assume, I first played this game as something available on school computers. Purportedly made as an educational game to teach students about history, this game may be notable for, among other things, being an entry point towards the idea of resource management in video games (as well as being hellishly difficult, by the standards then, but that DOES illustrate a point, does it not?). It's also the oldest, most continuously available game ever made, even now being ported to smartphones, or so I hear! It seems to be a very early example of edutainment games, and a genuinely great one at that. It probably helps that a selling point is that it doesn't really mince around with its subject matter; anyone who's played this game knows that total party kill is the default assumption, as it was in life. Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat: I place these two together as I feel that they form a duo of sorts, and defined fighting games of my childhood and modern gaming experience; name a fighting game, from Injustice to something as deliberately different as Smash Bros, and it has SOME relation to these games, even if its in terms of doing something completely different. These games set a mold for fighting games! Among other things, both games feature iconic characters as a selling point, and to this day fighting games make their mark based on how signature their characters are. Mortal Kombat is of course an incredibly violent game (though very tame, by modern standards), and its fatalities and depicitons of violence sparked thought and arguments on what video games ought to be allowed to depict, for better or for worse. It's not implausible to suggest that the overly strict restrictions on what video games could depict go back to Mortal Kombat's fatalities, specifically (since there's far worse games predating it, though too graphically primitive to be obvious). Street Fighter, conversely, strikes me as having more characterization and depth, especially as far as fighting systems go; I find it hard to be interested in many fighting games now, if they don't offer as much depth as the likes of Street Fighter 2. Street Fighter stands out for innovating multiplayer play, initially in the arcade, and its not implausible to say that the likes of Smash Bros is a descendant of sorts of the specific mentality Street Fighter brought to the table. Consider also that it is STILL a mainstay in the remaining arcades and cabinets in service today! Tomb Raider: This is a game i legit liked back in the day, and there's some part of me that's sad that the platforming, puzzle solving and focus on exploration has not really made it back into the modern Tomb Raider series, last I checked. There's probably something interesting in that Lara Croft represents a bit of an intermediate period between platforming mascots and modern Edgy Protagonists; you know the ones. Balding white dudes with vague dad vibes, but this is not a slight on Lara; she definitely has a ton of personality, even just at a cover glance. This game had a strong focus on exploration, and that's honestly something I really like. Super Mario Kart: I'm going to be controversial here; complaints about the Blue Shell are kinda overrated. It's not that different from, say, a red shell hitting you from behind when you're close to the finish line. But, jokes and old 90s memes aside, this game has some interesting status in that it started the idea of making spin-off games in dramatically different contexts; Crash Team Racing and Sonic Drift, for example, are listened as similar games. On a franchise level, this began the trend of Mario becoming a truly flexible character who could do pretty much whatever was required of him, not just the original platforming games, and its possible his imitators never quite learned the same lesson. Though one wonders what Miyamoto might have thought if he'd known how many thinkpieces he would spawn with 'why does mario go-karting with Bowser when they're enemies?'. For my part, I favor the idea that the other games are in-universe fictions they're actors on and this is their actual dynamic, or that Mario is a relaxed dude who doesn't mind playing kart games with his foe. (I mean, he's not Ridley. Bowser's easy enough to get along with.) Animal Crossing: Again, I have to emphasize that I've never actually played this game, at least on a consistent basis (and by that, I mean I MIGHT have played it on the Gamecube, once, in the early 2000s), and have to speak from what I've seen of what it sparked. And I really do like the way it really codified the sub-genre of relaxed, open-ended games where the player is free to do as they like, without much stress or fear, which is something I think more games could stand to do. On my personal list of features that my ideal video game would have, Animal Crossing would definitely offer a few ideas. I am reminded of farming simulators, such as Harvest Moon or Stardew Valley; while they are different beasts entirely, there's a familiar sense of non-combat relaxation that's pleasant to see. Spacewar!: This machine is GODDAMN old, and like an old fogey predating modern humans, it deserves our respect. It's so old, it predates Pong. Supposedly created as part of predictative Cold War models, with an emphasis on emulating sci fi dogfights, producing a game that soon proved popular, for over a decade remainign the most popular game on computer systems, and a clumsy foray into arcade gaming (that didn't pan out, unfortunately) led to the creation of Pong by its creator, which is another story all its own! And Pong is directly responsible for the idea of the video game itself; this game launched the entire video game industry as we understand it! No small feat, indeed. ----

B RANKED Sonic The Hedgehog: I must state that I DO like this game, though not as much as later entires like Sonic 3 and Knuckles, or the Sonic Adventure series; the fast paced action seems a bit hobbled by the traps and need to be careful of surroundings, which would seem to run counter towards the whole idea of GOTTA GO FAST, y'know? But the game presents an interesting viewpoint on the nature of mascot gaming; created specifically, so it is said, as a rival to Mario, Sonic was designed as a mascot with attitude, and inspired a host of imitators; he's probably the only one to escape the 90s more or less intact, and this may have something to say about his flexibility, star power, and also the fact that he's a pretty mild character, all things considered. This game certainly has its place in gaming history, giving an important place in the console wars of yesteryear. Believe me, I was a kid in the 90s, Sonic was a HUGE deal. Space Invaders: This game is noted to have catapulted games into prominence by making them household, something outside of arcades, and it shows! An interesting detail of note is that supposedly, the Space Invaders were meant to all move at high speed, but this was either too hard to play against, or too costly on the processor; it was found that by making them speed up as they were defeated, it created an interesting set of challenge. You have to appreciate game history like that. In general, its success prompted Japanese companies to join the market, which would eventually produce what I imagine was a thriving, competitive market that would eventually get us Nintendo and it's own gamechangers down the road. Grant Theft Auto 3: I'm going to be honest with you. I don't much care for this sort of game. The Saints Row series, with its fundamental wackiness, is the kind of game I really DO like if I'm going for something like this, and GTA sort of leaning towards the 'cruel for fun and profit' gameplay is really unappealing for me. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't address this game, and what seems to come up is two things: the game's sheer freedom in its open world (which certainly pushed the bar for games of that nature, and has made it a byword for gamers screwing around in a game just to see what ridiculous things they could or couldn't do) and the infamous reputation from the mature aspects of the game. Personally, I'm not much for this game's take on maturity (if I wanted to discuss a game of that nature, I'd suggest, say, Spec Ops: The Line) but I really do appreciate what this game and its series did for the open world genre, and the sheer possibilities presented for letting you do what you wanted. King's Quest: I've never played this game, but I am a HUGE fan of the point and click genre (also known generally as the adventure game genre) that it spawned; without this game, there's no Monkey Island, no Sam and Max, no The Dig or Full Throttle, or Gabriel Knight. This game was similar to previous text-based games, with a text parser to input commands, but with the distinction of a graphical interface to move their character around, which would be the seed of later games such as the SCUMM engine of Monkey Island and other Lucasarts games (which, to me, ARE Adventure Gaming). The puzzles, comedic sensibilities, and interface innovations originated with this game, and codified those later adventure games i love so much. Starcraft: This is another one those list of 'games I should have already played by now'. I'm not much of an RTS person, barring forays with games such as Impossible Creatures, Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War, and more strange entries such as Brutal Legend, and I contend that the combat aspects of 4X games like Civilization DO count on some level; the specifics of troop movement and unit strengths/weaknesses are a bit beyond me, when you get to more complex stuff. Starcraft, reading between the lines, really introduced the idea of multiplayer culture especially for RTS, pioneered the Battle(dot)net system (which I mostly recall from Diablo, if I'm being honest!) as well as the idea of relative strengths and powers for individual factions so that they became characters in their own right. It's still a very popular online game, and that says SOMETHING. Also, I tend to use zerg rushes, so I would probably play Zerg. Probably. (There is much speculation on whether or not, like Warcraft being a failed Warhammer Fantasy game, if the same holds true for Starcraft and Warhammer 40k. I lean on the side of 'probably not'; the differences are too notable. The Zerg and Tyranids have some similarties, but that's probably because they're based on the same broad hive mind evil insect aggressor trope, and they have enough differences from there to be very distinct from one another. It's not like how OG Warcraft's orcs were very obviously warhammer orcs with less football hooliganism.) Bejeweled: This is a firm case of a game that I don't play, but I really have to respect its influence on gaming as a whole. Apparently it started as a match three-type game with a simplistic formula that proved wildly popular (perhaps making a point that simpler can be more effective, in game mechanics), with a truly explosive record of downloads; over 500 million, it seems. Thus its fair to say that this game set the precedent for casual games, which have become THE market. Regardless of your feelings on that genre, this one was a real game changer. (Pun intended, absolutely.) ----

C RANK Pong: "By most measures of popular impact, Pong launched the video game industry." This line alone saws it all, I think. It wasn't the first video game, but it was one of the more early ones, and its the one that really made video games and consoles successful, gaining widespread attention from the mainstream audience, as well as getting Atari recognition (for better or for worse, but perhaps that was just a development of being on top, so to speak; maye the console wars at least kept the big three honest). It also started the arcade revolution of games, and this humble game is essentially responsible for the entire state of video games as a concept, as we know it today. Halo: No disrespect to Halo, but it's just a game series I've never quite been able to get into. Those games are very hit and miss for me; games like Call of Duty, Battlefield, Gears of War and everything like that are just... hard for me to get into. It takes something specific like Borderlands or the Besthesda Fallout series, or something else, for me to get hooked, and Halo just doesn't do it for me! Nevertheless, I would be QUITE remiss if I simply dismissed it, and there's reasons for it to be inducted into the hall of fame barely three years into the hall of fame making inductees. Firstly, it was Microsoft's big entry into the console wars, and it must be said this was a MASSIVE upset and a completely unprecedented shift in the assumptions of the console wars back then; NO ONE expected microsoft to actually do this, let alone redefine gaming out of Sony and Nintendo's favor like that. At the time, PCs dominated FPS games, and Halo showed that consoles could do it just fine. It must also be said that it has a very intricate and complex system of lore, backstory and material that was quite distinctive for a new setting back in the day, and while I've seen people object to it's gameplay, I suspect that its with the benefit of hindsight; Halo offered an extremely unusual degree of freedom in achieving the goals set out for you. (Cortana also didn't deserve getting her name slapped onto that search assistant that eats up all your RAM.) Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego: Surprisignly enough, based on the article, this game was NOT an adaptation, but the source material of this character. This is where the fancy, mystery lady in the red coat started! Evidently this game was originally an edutainment game with a cops and robbers theme, and inspired by Colossal Cave Adventure from higher up on the list, and one must appreciate the effort that went into it. This one is ranked low, mostly because it didn't seem TOO notable to me. Honestly I'm surprised this is where Carmen Sandiego started. (And that she doesn't get enough credit as an iconic theatrical villain who won't go a step too far, but that's another rant.) -

D LIST

Here we are. The D LIST. The bottom of the sorting pile; the lowest of them all, the... well, the ones that I honestly don't necessarily dislike, but couldn't place higher for reasons of notability, personal interest, or perceived impact on the history of gaming. John Madden Football: Sports games, as a whole, really do NOT do it for me. I don't like real like sports at ALL (with, as a kid, a brief interest in boxing and that was just because they had gloves like Knuckles from Sonic the Hedgehog) so its hard for me to say that I find the history of this one all that compelling. Even so, there's some interesting elements in how this game was a sequel to a previous failed attempt, with a bold new attempt at a more arcade-style action game with a more dramatic take on the players, who would in turn be rated in different skill sets. The Madden series is STILL going so... it worked out pretty well, I'd say. (FUCKIN EA WAS BEHIND THIS ONE??? wow, EA is older than I thought.) Microsoft Flight Simulator: It's honestly a bit painful sorting this one so low, since I had many happy times as a wee Johnny playing this game back in the old days. I mean the OLD, old days. This was like, the days when Usenet was the preferred way for people to talk online. (Not me, though. I didn't talk to people, then. I was even less social than I am now, which is saying something!) All the same, I suppose that it was important to not crowd too many entries in a specific folder, and statistically, something had to keep getting knocked down, and in the end, I couldn't honestly say I still enjoyed this one enough to place it higher. Still, credit must be given where it is due; this game stands out for being an early foray into simulator gaming, showing a realistic depiction of actual flight. It has apparently been updated and rereleased many times since, which is impressive! Tetris: I like puzzles. So it might be surprising to hear this seminal game ranked so low; firstly, I like different KINDS of puzzles (like weird ones where you have to fling your sense of logic to the moon and back, or make use of gaming mechanics) and honestly this game is kind of stressful for me. You gotta keep an eye on a lot of different things flying around all at once, and constantly move things around, and that kind of attention and quick thinking does NOT come easily to me. All the same, I really have to admire how it was born from it's creator's pleasure in solving mathematical puzzles about sorting shapes into boxes, in a manner strangely remniscient of Satoshi's bug collecting that became Pokemon. Certainly the game's simplicity has proven a universally appealing thing, and may say something about the value of keeping it simple. Microsoft Solitaire: This game apparently became pay-to-get some time ago in recent computer generations, and let me tell, you, it was genuinely depressing to find that out. I remember younger decades, from the 90s and on, when this game was a regular and free feature in Windows computers fir MANY years. You got a computer, this game was on here. I was a kid, and i remember watching my mom play this game and makign the cards go WHOOP WHOPP all over the place and marveling, because I couldn't ever do the same thing. (A related note: I am terrible at this game. Go figure!) Of note, this game was massively widespread, and just EVERYWHERE, and I think everyone who ever played a computer back in those days instantly remembers it in some way. It was just... ubiquitous. Centipede: Oh, ol' Centipede. I don't mean to be mean to you. But between the likes of Pokemon and Super Mario Bros, even the arcade Donkey Kong, someone had to keep dropping down the leaderboard that is this tierlist, and unfortunately, there were other games that felt higher up than you. All the same, you're a very good game, and honestly, I like you more than some other games ranked higher for reasons of relevance to gaming history. Certainly more than anything else in D-listing. The colorful and appealing palette is noteworthy. That trackball controller! Amazing! (More games should use trackballs. They're fun and easy to use.) At the very least, Order of the Stick did a joke with you once, and that's better than anything I can do for you. All the same, you're a cool game.

[thatdamnokie]

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.  

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone​ was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy���he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

like

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen​)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

D:

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

[aftershocked]

tagged by @prince-of-elsinore, thank you so so much 💕 sorry for the delayed response, life’s kinda crazy rn.

Fave food: junk food, like just regular comforting junk food like a burger and fries skdjsksk the worse for you it is the more i probably like it

Fave color: chartreuse my beloved 💚 you’d be surprised how much stuff you can find in eye-searing yellow-green!

Favorite singer/band: the band i was ever the most insane over is the beatles lol. i’m also basic and love p!atd. for a bit more niche stuff, both the japanese bands granrodeo & bump of chicken absolutely slap

Dream place to live: a big city with a lot of arts and entertainment, somewhere decently cold year-round, with good public transit and a not-terrible social and political situation skdjsks

Dream goal in life: since we’re going with “dream” goal and not something realistic, then like—an incredibly famous, prolific, and well-regarded SFF author with a lot of movie and tv adaptations of my work. why not

Fave crystal: uhhh i don’t like own any crystals but im thinking like… rose quartz perhaps??? maybe???? or like amethyst uhhh. pyrite’s fun to look at. opal maybe. (apparently sometimes fossil can turn into opal so i feel like my absolute favorite crystal would be an opal fossil.)

Dream collab: not something i’ve ever thought of, or something i really have an opinion on. i think if some actors i rly liked worked together on a project, that would be cool, but yeah i can’t think of anything specific.

Dream date: not really a dating person ✌🏻

Current aesthetic: i am eternally all about mid-century modern, retro futurism, minimalism, and anything adjacent to one of those three. and lately i’ve also been digging 90s aesthetics, especially mid-90s… i think it’s the nostalgia

tagging @glamwinchester, @stanfordsweater, @septembersghost, @tk-buckley, and @avalonsavs, but no pressure, just if you want to 💓

[facetiousfanatic]

I’ve always headcanoned Roxy n Dirk as trans, but never really explored how it affects them as characters? And with trans Roxy being canonized in the epilogues, I wanted to explain why I still use she/them and why I draw Dirk with boobs:

(Disclaimer: I’m cis! I got an A-ok from my trans friends, but everyone’s experiences are different so hmu if any of this feels off. I just think about gender a lot.)

Roxy and Dirk both express their gender in very extreme and stereotypical ways. Dirk performs hyper-masculinity in everything - his clothes, interests and even values. Roxy does the same. She is giggly and pink and emotional and flirty. This feels especially exaggerated considering all the betas all have pretty realistic and common gender presentations. This suggest Roxy and Dirk over-perform their genders for the same reason a lot of real people that are trans do - because of the extreme pressure to pass. In my interpretation however, only one of them feel this pressure. 

Roxy realised she was trans around 13. Dirk, on the other hand, had known the second he learned how to read. Naturally, they talked about it, and this common experience was the reason they became so close to begin with. 

At this time in his life Dirk was still convinced he was the center of the universe and there was no one around to socialize him into thinking anything he did was against the status quo. He knew that he was a dude and he knew he was a genius. This confidence meant he never really took any gender roles or transphobia depicted in the media left from the dead civilisation to heart. He knew that his brother had been a dude. A dude that wore cool dude clothes and a cool dude haircut. Heck, he’d even been left with those same cool dude clothes. Dirk didn’t present as a guy because he thought that he had to for people to accept him as a guy, he just idolised his brother and naturally grew to appreciate the way he presented.

Roxy on the other hand had the opposite experience. She realised she was trans after only identifying with women in the media she consumed. In her introduction, Roxy mentions her love for old-school technology. If this refers to current technology (since she lives in the future) or what we’d call retro, I don’t know. But I’d like to think this was the source for the Bond girl aesthetic Roxy is so fond of. This also meant she spent a lot of time watching and playing the most sexist shit mankind had to offer. The first popularisation of television, and later video games, was the period when people gave the least amount of shit about the consequences of harmful stereotypes.  

I think she genuinely loved all the hyper-feminine stuff, but I also think it was at least 40% obligation. An attempt to consistently reinforce that she was truly a girl. Like she was afraid her friends wouldn’t believe her if she didn’t conform (aka the classic LGBT experience). This is a natural consequence for someone who has internalised the gender roles and transphobia she was been exposed to.

It is not until Earth C that Roxy starts to understand that she was maybe a bit harsh on herself? On a planet where they left toxic societal structures behind, Roxy starts to realise that she can perform gender however the fuck she wants. She can be feminine and masculine and androgynous and none of it discredits her identity. Hell, she doesn’t even need female pronouns! They/them relieves them of all the pressure of acting a certain way. Not being a dude doesn’t have to mean embodying a shallow caricature of a woman. Roxy can call themself gal pal and deadliest haxxor bitch and gf, but still reject the restrictive ideals of womanhood. I don’t think they necessarily label it as anything, but you could define it as transfemme nonbinary.

So, in my headcanon: Dirk is a trans guy that never experienced dysphoria and as a consequence never felt the need to transition (aka why I draw Dirk with boobs). Roxy grows up as a trans girl latching on to old gender ideals, and eventually transitions. But when those ideals are completely dismantled on Earth C, they said fuck gender and started using they/them.

[rthemars]

Album Cover Inspirations

Here are 5 album covers that are loosely related to the multiverse theme, they include all sorts of styles and aspects like sci-fi, electronic and abstract. Researching these album cover designs helps me grasp a better understanding of cover art, and will hopefully contribute to the ideas I will think of when creating my own vinyl album sleeve.

Hidden History of the Human Race - Blood Incantation

This album cover has an evident sci-fi theme, shown mainly through the alien illustration. The artist who created this design drew it by hand, possibly using oil pastels, this gave the piece a rougher and less perfect look while still remaining realistic. I think this contrast of real and fiction works really well together, as it helps the concept of alien life to be more convincing. 

The composition of the cover includes an alien figure sitting on a kind of cliff edge, a series of floating atoms and dystopian metal buildings. Even though this sounds busy, the design has a perfect balance of simple and interesting. The text is also really cool and unique, coming from the distorted and just understandable font that matches the design and bright green colour. The other colours used are colourful but quite faded, which fits well with the empty feeling.

Electric Universe - Earth, Wind & Fire

This design’s theme is based on the universe and it’s very electronic and digital, it consists of planets, motion lines and shapes which are connected through the space aesthetic and neon colours. There are many aspects to the piece that showcase digital art, like the neon glow or perfect square pattern. What I like about this combination is how they all bring each quality to life, for example the neon colours helps show electricity, the distant planets display space and the interesting yet known shapes bring the sci-fi feel to it.

The large triangular shape is made of two different shapes that are displayed with different colours and shapes, on the inside there’s a long white shape created with multiple circles, and this repeats for the outside shape but is made from orange rhombi. I think this represents a kind of entrance/exit of a UFO, as if it’s abducting somebody or something. Either way it tells us there is more to the universe that we know, and there is electricity everywhere.

Moog: The Electric Eclectics of Dick Hyman - Dick Hyman

This cover consists of a strange space like collage, that looks to be hand made. As you can see the collage is made of people cut outs who look like astronauts wearing suits, the moon’s surface, reflective space object and text. What I like about this piece is the use of negative space, it implies that it is outer space without it being super obvious. This shows throughout all the aspects, but when they come together you can see a clear theme.

The colours used are quite muted and there is a dirty texture to the whole cover, I think this adds character to the image as it matches the vintage aesthetic. What I think is really interesting about this design is the weirdness of it, the designer looked as the pieces individually and placed them where they could fit and interact with each other, rather than having to make sense of everything. For example all the human figures are the same sized but in all different places, one is floating, one is standing on a thin point and one is even standing diagonally, the lack of reality in this piece is intriguing. 

Currents - Tame Impala

This next piece has a much simpler design in terms of objects and composition, however it is still busy filled with pattern and colour. The main focus of the piece is this silver ball that's moving through a pattern of lines and colour, you can see the movement through the distorted section of the straight lines, where the ball looks to have moved through it like liquid. This would seem to look quite simple but because of the many repeated lines, interesting shapes and patterns, the image is minimal but busy and filled.

Using a simple design creates an abstract piece of art, leaving much of its meaning to the mind and imagination. The colours displayed are also important so it remains muted but interesting, this is done through using light purple and black for the linear pattern, keeping its faded overall tone. But they have also added a small line of vibrant gradient colours, which helps the ball stand out as well as the line itself.

Boston - Boston

The final album cover is another sci-fi themed piece, focusing on the concept of UFOs and other alien life. This is shown very clearly yet still leaves much to the imagination, it’s obvious in that there are recognisable illustrations of UFOs however the city like landscape on top leaves you in wonder. You can perceive this in whichever way you feel, but the main point of this is that it’s unique and strange.

The style of the design is very retro and colourful which really appeals to me personally, because it’s done in a way that still has a lot of dark negative space which helps bring out those bright colours. I think the layout is also important as it determines what stands out and what doesn’t, in this case there is one main UFO with the album’s name and band written across. And even though there are other UFOs in the image you can keep your focus on one, making the picture more understandable.

[dagmartoons]

*rubs hands together* RIGHT. SO. I JUST WATCHED MAGNUM BULLETS. TWICE. HERE ARE SOME THOUGHTS.

(Under the cut cuz it gets kinda long. TL;DR It was amazing and gorgeous and I love the song and I hope the story gets expanded upon later down the line.)

I watched it once to just watch it and again afterwards to absorb it because GOD THAT WAS SO GOOD!!!

The animation and colors and lighting and transitions were all AMAZING!! MAD props to Knights of the Light Table for this because this video looks absolutely gorgeous. All the neon colors and fight choreography made me think of the video for Lone Digger by Caravan Palace except this has anime wolves and that one had realistic-ish cats. Also less pole dancing.

Speaking of the wolves, I didn’t really get a full grasp of the plot on the first viewing (maybe because I was distracted by all the colors and practically flawless transitions), but on my second watch I understood the story a lot more and I really liked the wolf characters! I would’ve liked for them to be fleshed out a little more individually (I assume the one that died at the beginning was like the main boy’s brother or something? And the bleeding eye one was the girl’s boyfriend or brother or whatever? I don’t know I’m just speculating), but I get that there’s only so much you can do in a four minute music video. Besides, the story to me kinda takes a backseat to the visuals anyway. 

I know I keep mentioning the visuals but how can I not?! This video is so well animated and colored and composited and I live for that retro 80s/90s sci-fi aesthetic and the character designs are so cool and GOD it was all so beautifully done!!

And have I mentioned the song yet? I haven’t? Well that’s a shame cause the song is equally amazing! I think I actually either missed this song completely when it first came out or heard it once and just kinda forgot about it, but I’m sorry I did that cause this song is really good! I think it fits really well with the tone and style of the video. Dan’s vocals are gorgeous as always and the instrumental is great too (especially that last part)!

I’m really looking forward to hearing about the behind the scenes stuff on the story and how this was animated because everybody who worked on this is so crazy talented and I love them!

Also... insert obligatory “Dan just admit you’re a furry already” joke.

[jimclassicstoycollection]

Diamond Select’s

The Real Ghostbusters

Egon Spengler

by Diamond Select

I picked this up back in October, I think in 2019 from my local comic book store. I’d been eying it for a while and finally decided to pick him up.

Egon:

Egon Spengler is the brains of the Ghostbusters. He’s usually conducting experiments, or is researching something paranormal, or just not comprehending a joke...

The toy stands about 7 inches tall and is based on ‘The Real Ghostbusters’ cartoon version, however Diamond Select attempted to marry the cartoon design with a more realistic sculpting.

I gotta be honest here, as well made as this toy is, I don’t have a lot to say about Egon.

The sculpting o the jump suit is really nice, and you can see all sorts of wrinkles and details such as pockets and zippers, and all the paint deco is clean.

You see a lot of cool, cartoony gizmos hanging off of Egon’s belt. His elbow pads have to occasionally be re adjusted on his arm because the they move from sied to side every so often.

This toy is very articulated:

-Ball jointed head, universal shoulders, double elbow joints, universal hinges at the wrists, ball joint at the torso, waist rotation, universal hips, outward hinge at the hips, thigh swivel, double bend at the knees, ankle point and tilt. 

However in spite of the fact that Egon is so well articulated standing is sometimes an issue. Maybe it’s because of the proton pack, or maybe his feet could afford to be a little larger, but sometimes pose Egon into an action pose can be tricky.

Though the sculpting of Egon is more realistic and life like than the animation model, however the proton pack on his back doesn’t look all that different from the cartoon at all.

The paint deco is simple. It’s mostly a muted blue, with some red, yellow, and some silver paint. It’s simple...but it gets the point across.

The neutrino wand is connected to the pack by a thin yellow plastic cord and is still using the muted blue as its base color, along with the silver and some light browns in areas.

The pack itself is mostly simple geometric shapes with some sculpted tubes and wires, but it’s not too overwhelming. There’s even a painted dial which...well, it looks cartoony.

Egon is wearing the pack with shoulder straps and a belt around his waist. I couldn’t find any way to remove the proton pack, so I guess even though it’s a separate piece from Egon, but it’s on him permanently.

There’s a small rectangular plastic tab which sticks out on the side of the proton pack, and I tried to place the ghost trap there, and much to my surprise it held on pretty well.

Though the cord did whatever it felt like doing...

Let’s focus on Egon’s head sculpt for a moment.

It’s good. I think it’s really good, it’s just weird seeing a cartoon character with more realistic detailing. Egon’s got a lot of nice hair sculpting, and I think the glasses are a separate object to the rest of his face.

He even has the peculiar look on his face, as if Egon’s about to speak, or he’s just fascinated with whatever it is he’s looking at...

You can even see his upper teeth, and they’re painted well too.

Still, an extra head would have been nice.

Accessories:

Diamond Select Egon comes with a decent amount of accessories, including a plastic stand, which is meant to connect with the other three Real Ghostbusters figures, to create a false front of the firehouse.

Egon comes with three pairs of swap-able hands:

-Bare hands, semi grip (doesn’t really hold the neutrino wand all too well)

-Gloved hands (similar poses as the bare hands)

-Gloved hands (holding position)

All three hands pop on and off without a problem, however just be aware that the both pairs of gloved hands comes in tow parts; the hands themselves, and the flared cuffs are a separate piece of soft plastic. Be sure not to lose them.

The PK E meter is what the Ghostbusters often use to track down ghost, and this is pretty much what it looked like in the cartoon.

It looks really good, however the antennae (the whole thing in fact is made of a soft plastic) and it’s so thin that warping is inevitable and it just looks bad.

The paint details looks fantastic though.

The ghost trap is what the Ghostbuster use to...well, trap ghosts. again, much like the PK E meter it looks really good, and has a lot of nice painted detail; I have less to complain about the trap than I did the meter. If I were to voice one issue with it is that the length of the cord is just too short.

And it would be nice if the cord was made out of wire, so you adjust it instead of it being made out of plastic which is more difficult to manipulate.

The proton stream and the clear plastic connector is where I have the biggest issue with Egon’s accessories.

For starters I prefer my blast effects to be clear plastic; I think clear plastic effects give off a more iridescent look to them and they they also tend to be made out of a softer plastic.

The stream here is made out of a very rigid plastic, and I’m confident that under the slightest bit of strain that it will break one of these days.

In order to have the proton stream appear to be firing out of the neutrino want this clear plastic connector is the only thing which allows that to happen, and that is problematic...

The connector fits well enough onto the tip of the wand, however the stream doesn’t fit too well on the tiny end of the connector; it’s much smaller than the connector, and is likely to fall out unless the toy is holding the wand up a bit.

What Diamond Select should have done was make the wand connector the bright light at the base of the stream. It would have made the stream and connector one object, and probably would have given it a more cohesive look.

Final Thoughts:

This is a really nice toy. I have a lot of fond memories of ‘The Real Ghostbusters’ cartoon (and in my opinion it still holds up today)

The figure really solid, well sculpted, and for the most part it stands well. It’s weird though...Real Ghostbusters Egon looks good, trying to be realistic and yet also trying to maintain the aesthetic of the cartoon. I can dig it though.

Where the toy lacks is in the accessories. I’m not a fan of the particle stream and the small, clear plastic connector. The stream is too solid, and the clear connector can be easily lost. I’ve already lost it once already, then found it, and will probably lose it again.

I’m not sure if I’ll pick up the other three Diamond Select Real Ghostbusters toys, especially since Hasbro has launched there new 6in Plasma Series Ghostbusters toys, AND the retro Kenner reproduction Real Ghostbusters toy (I haven’t seen any of them in the stores yet, but I’m looking out for them).

So I may just stick with this version of Egon and focus on the Hasbro toys instead.

Now enjoy the pictures.

[veryfashionabledesigns]

Analyzing the Snicket Aesthetic, Part 1/5: Time Period, Technology, and Medicine

.-There are quite a few fan theories placing the main events of ASOUE in the 80’s or 90’s, which is plausible, if not quite probable, in terms of the technology present in the series and the timing of the real-life publication of the books. On the other hand, I’m a shameless hipster and I live for that retro aesthetic, so I like the ambiguity.

-The post-post-apocalyptic theory is a fun one, but it can be a little limiting—not to mention difficult—to apply too many practical implications to this universe. Realism is all well and good, but it can easily be discarded for the sake of a good yarn or a pointed bit of commentary.  

Figure 1: The Illustrations of ASOUE are mostly influenced by the woodblock prints that frequently appeared in Victorian fiction--black and white, hatched shading, realistic perspective—while those of ATWQ vaguely resemble Modernist and/or Cubist art—subtle color, solid shadows, and slightly warped perspective.

(Continued under the cut)

        -Anachronisms everywhere, of course.  One of the books mentions a blacksmith and a computer repair shop in the same sentence. Events and media from before, during, or (infrequently) after the date range are regularly referenced.

        -Personally, I mix and match from a date range of about 1890-1980, for reasons we’ll get into over the course of this analysis, although this is really quite a large range, and even then it’s rather approximate, and can change depending on which version of the story one is referencing, and even from book to book or character to character.

-Time does not pass normally like in the real world. The atmosphere of ASOUE feels a bit older (gothic, vaguely turn of the century) than that of ATWQ (noir, 1930’s-40’s), but the latter is set before the former (see fig. 1). History has been run through a blender set to puree.

TECHNOLOGY

        -It’s sort of lowkey steampunk/dieselpunk. Relatively little sci fi tech is floating loose in the world, but given the materials and time, Violet would almost certainly come up with some fun retro-futuristic inventions.

        -Violet’s inventions involve mechanical and electrical technology, but seemingly nothing digital. She’s largely indifferent (and in the books, possibly even disdainful) in response to the “advanced computer” at Prufrock Prep, which always struck me as a bit odd. Maybe she distrusts Nero’s vague assertions that it will deter Count Olaf, maybe she prefers a more hands-on approach to inventing, or maybe she has the soul of cranky old lady.

Figure 2: Prufrock’s advanced computer in the Netflix series features cameras, a CRT monitor, and something resembling an oscilloscope.

        -Computers exist in this universe, but they don’t seem to do much, and there aren’t very many of them. Smart phones, laptops, and similar devices of the 21st century are almost certainly not around.

-In the books, Prufrock’s computer can display a recognizable image of Count Olaf and is compared to a toad in appearance, meaning it was likely modeled after PCs from the 80s and 90s.

-In the series, it’s even more anachronistic. The monitor looks more or less like what was described in the books, but it also comes fitted with a built in camera, much like a modern webcam, and can recognize faces about as well as most characters (although this really isn’t saying much), implying some kind of primitive deep learning capacity.  

Figure 3: A few computers that could fit in the Snicketverse. (The Apple 1, hilariously, is the real thing.)

-If the internet exists, it’s pretty useless. The first season of the Netflix series has a few references to the internet, none of which are relevant to the plot. The internet makes everything easier, and the Snicketverse is all about inconvenience and suffering.  

-Photographs appear in both black and white and color, although the color is quite grainy. The shift to color photography occurred gradually throughout the 20th century.

-Hector’s self-sustaining hot air mobile home is really quite impractical, if not impossible. A proper hot air balloon would require quite a bit of fuel to keep the air inside the balloons sufficiently hot. Historically, airships of comparative size would have filled their balloons with hydrogen and/or helium, which, barring leakage or other damage, could actually remain buoyant more or less indefinitely. Hydrogen, by the way, is very flammable.

-The submarines in The Grim Grotto are steampunk as heck—that is, realistically impractical but really friggin’ cool—likely inspired by early science fiction such as Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. In real life, submarines rarely have portholes; in warfare or high water pressure, they could potentially be a weak point, and they’re fairly pricy for something that isn’t strictly necessary. There are a few exceptions, though, such as in subs designed for tourism or marine biology.

Figure 4: The Quequeg has a number of features solely for the comfort of its crew, such as this lovely library with paintings and antique-looking lamps. The use of brass and copper tones, as well as the warm lighting reminiscent of gas, oil, or early incandescent lights, also add to the steampunk vibes.

-Mobile phones do not appear in the books. As with the internet, they’re just too convenient. Should they be necessary to your story, however, there are a few ways to work them in. The movie featured telephones built into cars, which is actually pretty cool. In real life, portable phones have existed since at least the 1960s, although they were too large and expensive to be popular with the public until recently.

Figure 5: The Radio Common Carrier, a sort of mobile phone introduced in the 1960s.

MEDICINE

        -If Heimlich Hospital is typical of the Snicketverse, then the medical technology of the time is… not good.

        -For all the bureaucracy and paperwork depicted, there seems to be very little control over what sorts of operations are actually performed. Count Olaf can waltz in and say he needs the operating theater for a “cranioectomy,” and nobody seems to question it. It’s entirely possible that the amount of paperwork required is so massive that nobody can really keep track of it all.

        -Patients at Heimlich Hospital often ask volunteers for simple things like a glass of water—implying that the hospital is severely understaffed.

        -It is unknown what happens if a Volunteer is seriously injured in the line of duty. V.F.D. may have its own medics/infirmaries. Alternately, they may try to recruit medical professionals who will treat patients without revealing any secrets. It is also possible that volunteers are expected to lie to their doctors, or that the healthcare system is such a mess that nobody really asks questions when someone turns up with a suspicious injury.

        -There is some good news: near the beginning of The Hostile Hospital, Klaus mentions antibiotics and shots (likely referring to vaccines). From this we can assume that many of history’s nastiest plagues (i.e. tuberculosis, cholera, scarlet fever, etc.) are more or less under control. (Although I personally headcannon that Mr. Poe’s cough is an early symptom of tuberculosis, as this would be a fun little shout-out to Edgar Allen Poe.)

        -The rusty knives used in Violet’s “surgery” imply that doctors could get away with some pretty lousy sanitation. In the Netflix series, the entire hospital is filthy.           

Figure 6: The operating theater in The Hostile Hospital is similar in structure, if not style, to the one at the Old Operating Theatre museum, built c.1822.

-Public operating theaters like the one seen in the Hostile Hospital were gradually replaced by sterile operating rooms as doctors developed proper understanding of germ theory between c. 1860-1900. (See fig. 6). Notably, the set design for the operating theater in the series uses a 19th century layout with mid-20th century materials and lighting.

        -Treatment for mental health conditions is given little attention, which is troubling; sooner or later those poor kids are going to need some therapy. If memory serves, one of the patients at Heimlich is described as looking sad but otherwise healthy, suggesting depression.

        -Given how dystopian the Snicketverse is, PTSD and anxiety are probably quite common—especially among V.F.D. members, who often wind up in very dangerous situations at very early ages. In fact, one could make a solid argument that childhood trauma might be behind the neuroses of characters such as Aunt Joesephine or Hector—both of whom, despite having severely debilitating anxiety disorders, never seem to receive any treatment.

FANTASY ELEMENTS

         -There are very few of these, but it’s far from realism. Some rough rules of thumb would be to avoid things typically considered supernatural (i.e. dragons, ghosts, vampires), but things that are not quite possible (i.e. babies can bite through concrete, reptiles can be trained to imitate human speech on command), or possible but very improbable (i.e. a harmless snake being officially named “the Incredibly Deadly Viper” solely for pranking purposes, a phony surgeon convincing a crowd that decapitation is a risky but necessary medical procedure) are all well and good.

         -It should be noted, however, that at least a few characters in-universe believe in the supernatural. In the Ersatz Elevator, the Baudelaires are briefly mistaken for ghosts, and in The End, Ishmael claims to predict the weather using magic.