#the rest of them are so vibes and i will take no criticism /j

[loserboyfriendrjl]

tiny pants/big shirt and big pants/tiny shirt debate

james, dorcas, lily, remus: tiny pants, big shirt

sirius, peter, marlene, mary: big pants, tiny shirt

[hwnglx]

bts on cam vs. off cam

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

jin

on cam

basically the moodmaker. he ties a lot of himself to that role; loves making people laugh. feels proud when a joke lands. very entertaining, charismatic, fun to watch. brings more energy into the group dynamic. has a strong and clear will, goal oriented, a lot of determination and drive. active. very chatty and witty, good comedic timing. he just lights up the room.

off cam

much more sensitive and emotionally intelligent than what meets the eye. deep and kind heart. also great at observing his surroundings, he's very intuitive and in tune with his environment. he has a quick mind. great deal of empathy and compassion for the people he holds dear. sweet nurturer. makes them feel comfortable. mentally active. seems to talk a lot behind the scenes too lol, but in a more tactful and sharp manner; great at communicating. can be both; emotional or logical, depending on what the situation asks for. adaptable.

suga

on cam

restrains himself more. much more careful and conscious over what he displays; a great case of show the best, hide the rest. i keep sensing his virgo moon here, he just wants to manage his image closely and make sure it remains clean. does allow himself to break out of that shell sometimes, and lets out his more playful and fiery side. very free-thinking, independent. just wants to do his own thing. much brighter and higher spirits on cam than off cam.

off cam

stubborn and self-focused. finance-oriented; stable and good at dealing with that part of his life. puts a lot of importance and value into material matters. can have some gluttonous tendencies, where he just gets insatiable; ariana grande's seven rings “i want it i got it.” vibe. increeedibly ambitious. if he sets his mind to something, it is going to happen. logical and rational. also extremely intelligent and smart. good luck trying to outsmart yoongi. doesn't bother to sugarcoat his words, very direct and honest in his expression. prefers and values the harsh truth, head over heart.

j-hope

on cam

masculine, passionate and strong, just has this quietly powerful and authoritative presence that demands attention. but at the same time gentle, balanced; a pleasant and agreeable aura. presents himself as this continuous student, someone who's very eager to expand his knowledge and skills in his career. consistent, stable, humble and self-aware. good at dealing with criticism. someone you just enjoy being around, he creates emotional connections with ease and makes everyone feel comfortable. big heart.

off cam

very focused on his group. like he loves these boys dearly. much more in tune with his feminine side; a soft, empathetic and nurturing soul. might be the hidden mother of the group lol. in tune with his emotions. doesn't shy away from expressing his feelings. so much more romantic and dreamy too. i feel like he cries a lot behind the scenes, especially about sappy and little sentimental things. very charming and idealistic. but also immensely hard-working. type to put in even more effort when no one's looking.

namjoon

on cam

confident and inspiring. so so much passion. brings a sense of warmth to his surroundings, and has an encouraging and uplifting effect on the people he's with. carries a lot of wisdom with him, so much good advice to give. knowledgable and mature for his age. like an old soul. very introspective, deeply reflects on his actions and his behavior. good at bonding with people and offering this sense of comfort, support and emotional understanding. loves in a profound way.

off cam

solid and stable. level-headed. a lot of focus on tangible achievements and practicality. “let's get this work done”. much more self-sacrificial than one would think. not as stubborn as it might appear, quite adaptable and open to opinions different to him. however, rub this man the wrong way somehow, he can get incredibly rigid pretty quickly. “cut the bullshit, deadass.” is what i heard, lmao. he doesn't like people who are too blinded by their emotions, and too delusional all the time; he can't deal with emotional immaturity. very fact-based and rational in that sense.

taehyung

on cam

a lot of contentment and abundance in the way he presents himself. like he just gives off this expensive aura, and seems pretty satisfied with himself. kinda snug and prideful. knows what he is and what he can do for people, and radiates that self-assurance and confidence to the outside. i can tell it just makes him very attractive to people. mature, in control of his emotions. calm and collected. he just looks like he knows what he's doing all the time. very complex too, someone who just adds depth and flavour to everything he does.

off cam

talks and speaks up much more. very clever and quick-witted. mentally agile and savvy. observant and detail-oriented. isn't afraid to stand his ground and voice his opinion when he needs to. he makes things look very easy and effortless, but in reality, he puts a lot of effort and hard work into all of his endeavours. responsible. can get burdened and overwhelmed more than you think. impatient tendencies. can get scared of change, but also doesn't wanna stay stuck; can have problems balancing out these two clashing sides in him. i always feel how being a capricorn stellium with an impulsive and rash aries moon must be quite exhausting sometimes.

jimin

on cam

balanced and gentle aura. sweet and diplomatic. someone who encourages a peaceful and harmonious environment. very much a libra. he has huge duality, where he can go from this happy go-lucky and bright smiled sunshine, to a dark and sensual devil (card that come out) that just gazes holes into your soul. i think he bases a lot of his image on his performances, i keep seeing him on stage in my minds eye. loves letting out and transitioning into his scorpionic (his venus+mars placement), sexy and mysterious energy whenever he's on stage. almost like he plays a role and fools people. loves to stand out among the crowd. can get very competitive and greedy too, in terms of his performances. (the energy was crazy intense here?)

off cam

much more laidback. outgoing and sociable, enjoys meeting up and going to parties. good at making friends and networking. more comfortable and slow-moving. more pragmatic than one would think as well. not nearly as soft and sensitive. can be more confident and self-assured than what meets the eye. but can get emotional out of nowhere though, kinda unpredictable with his feelings. his energy is just very fickle, but at the same time intense. he's either completely loyal to you, sticks by you through everything, or doesn't give two cents about you, honestly lmaooo :')

jungkook

on cam

humble, an eternal student. always trying to improve, expand his horizon. more youthful and bright in spirit. extremely driven and determined; if jk sets his mind to something, no one can hold him back from getting it. very much obsessive in that way. holds a lot of love in his heart, is gentle and careful in the way he treats people. there's some femininity here too. he might have this more sensual image in people's eyes. people enjoy his company because it's very calm and chill, drama free. mostly quiet and reserved. doesn't insert himself into any conflict intentionally and stays out of it.

off cam

surprise surprise - hugely perfectionistic. even obsesses over managing his image behind the scenes. very eager to keep it as flawless as possible. i heard “a dream to work with” though. someone who loves to collaborate, enjoys learning from other people. very committed and dedicated to quality at his work. always focused on doing the right thing; well-established manners and strong morals. likes connecting to people on an emotional level; moreso needs it. more sensitive than one would expect. can also get immensely greedy sometimes; this is where i see his dilemma. he's always yearning to reach the highest level work-wise; but can easily feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled. he doesn't enjoy fame, but at the same time can't do without it. i heard “the only thing i'm good at” jk is the type to think he's not good at something if he isn't at level 10 right away. he's always looking to do more and more; very prone to burning himself out badly because of his extreme ambition.

note; mister jeon always has so much to say, phew.

[bougiebutchbitch]

A, F, H, J, L

I gotchu!

A: Of the fanfic you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

No contest - Meredith Poppins. It's a big source of comfort to me, and working on it again really does feel like coming home in a way I can't express! It's definitely the fic that makes me the most warm & fuzzy inside, and writing/editing it is genuinely fun in a way most other fics aren't.

Considering which fic I think is my best... I'd veer towards Crawling Back to You and if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind for the exploration of trauma, perhaps Porn and the Art of Shuriken Maintenance for character writing, and Meredith Poppins for worldbuilding, because exploring alien nonsense is a delight.

My favourite smutfics are Porn and the Art of Shuriken Maintenance and Size King because they make me snigger. Sex is inherently silly and kinda hilarious in my ace-leaning mind, and these fics capture that.

F: Is there a song or a playlist you associate with Lady of Shalott?

I have a big, biiiiig playlist! It's jampacked with bops like 'Heaven on their Minds' (JCS), 'Labour' (Paris Paloma), 'No Children', (the Mountain Goats), 'Brutus' and 'Rex' (The Buttress), 'I Can't Handle Change' (Roar), 'I'll Be Good' (James Young), 'Power Over Me' (Dermot Kennedy), 'Fuck Me' (Crawlers), 'You Me and Steve' (Garfunkel and Oates), 'The Winner Takes It All' (ABBA), 'I Wanna Be Your Dog' (AJJ), 'Bite The Hand' (boygenius), 'Rusted from the Rain' (Billy Talent), 'My Lighthouse' (Rend Collective), 'Saint Bernard' (Lincoln) and a whoooole lot of Mitski.

...Wait, that's just a Steddyhands playlist in general??? sldkgflsdfg

H: How would you describe your writing style?

Variable! I like to switch it up depending on the vibes of the fic.

J:  What’s your favorite fanfic trope?  Have you written it?

My favourite trope of all time (OF ALL TIME!!!) is found family, which accounts for 100% of my gotg fic, 100% of my Critical Role fic, 100% of my Naruto fic, and like a solid 75% of the rest of my ouevre. Maybe one day I'll write something that doesn't fit this trope, haha. I just love how strangers can slowly grow closer and eventually just. mutually adopt each other. grah. Gets me every time.

L:  Which of your fanfics was the most emotionally challenging to write?

Hmmmm. White Noise for sure. That fic is trauma central (affectionate) and features a lot of dissociation/mindbreak stuff. I literally stopped writing fanfic for... months because I pushed a bit too far with that one. I still have the final chapter sat half-finished on my laptop, and I keep telling myself 'one day'...

In terms of a more... positive challenge, I really enjoyed writing Watch the Wall and Team Seven and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Roadtrip, which are from the perspectives of an eight-year-old and a twelve-year-old respectively. Writing from the PoV of a child is a really fascinating exercise, especially considering their individual level of comprehension regarding the fucked up worlds around them. I love that sort of dramatic irony, where the reader can pick up on all the hints that they're missing... Sakura and Peter are both very perceptive, but also lacking in experience and still breaking free of their baked-in convictions about The Way The World Is. I love exploring that whole arc!

Thank you so much! I really enjoyed writing this up!

[mantis-lizbian]

well, if you haven't read Fingersmith...

i'm sure there's already been a dozen replies mentioning that book now, already, but just in case... anyway, let me dig out my rec list for this vibe. (edit: actually, looks like it's barely been mentioned so far? anyway, The Handmaiden is a perfectly decent adaptation, but i feel it's definitely made with a primarily male audience in mind. yes, it makes use of female gaze much more than male gaze, and does a lot else right, but like... even if it's 90% the same outside of the setting update, Fingersmith simply being made with a primarily female audience in mind makes a world of difference.)

Adijan and Her Genie by L-J Baker in fairness, definitely comes off more than a little orientalist in its handling of Arabian-based fantasy setting, but the main character is pure butch himbo, an utter disaster, and utterly devoted to her wife. like, there's a lot i can point to to criticize in this book, but the characters themselves and the love story are absolutely not among them. and when i say "utter disaster", Adijan is a drunken, slovenly wreck barely floating by from get-rich-quick scheme to get-rich-quick scheme at the start of the novel before wind up in possession of a cursed locket with a homophobic "genie" in it who can't grant wishes.

The Sting of Victory by S.D. Simper a melodramatic vampire romance set in a high fantasy world. Ayla, our vampiric love interest, is like if you took the worst, most toxic parts of Harrowhark, Ianthe, and Carmilla (the vampire, not Camilla), and bundled them all into a single person. and yet, the way the story unfolds, you see why our protagonist is willing to quite literally damn herself - several times over, also literally - to be with her. she does also pretty much damn the entire world a couple of times, too, so... can't say they don't belong together :D

The Fate of Stars by S.D. Simper set in the same world as the above, but something like a thousand years earlier. honestly, i feel like the sequels each drop half a step in quality, but the first book was plenty good on its own that that still means the third book is fine, but it also works fairly well as a stand-alone if you'd rather. also has a bit of that orientalism problem like in Adijan, but it's at least not permeating the entire story. here, our romantic lead kidnaps our protagonist from the ocean and drops her in a giant fish bowl in her imperial palace. yeah, Simper loves writing absolute shitheels for romantic leads, it's delicious.

Deadline by Stephanie Ahn i'm actually recommending the rest of the series more than the first book, it's definitely got that "pilot episode" problem of still feeling itself out, and having to deal with setup and stuff, but the next two books are two of my favourites of all time. it's also a bit of an odd one out here because it's an urban fantasy noir series first and foremost, and i can't even really say romance on the side. there are a couple of characters with romantic potential for our protagonist, Harrietta Lee but this is definitively her story more than anyone else's. regardless, she is a sad, wet, pathetic little meow meow who i absolutely adore, and who is more than capable of getting up after ever single hit she takes. which is good, because she takes a lot of them.

Iron & Velvet by Alexis Hall basically just here for if you wind up wanting more lesbian urban fantasy noir with monster fucking. however, i'm also mentioning it to contrast with Deadline because it's much closer to... power fantasy. Kate Kane fits pretty comfortably into the hard-boiled PI mould where Deadlin's Harrietta Lee has this... almost Jackie Chan-esque quality to her in how she frequently barely makes it out of situations - both combat-related and not - by the skin of her teeth. not to bring everything back to The Locked Tomb, but you kind of look at these two like Kate is if Griddle was a PI while Harry is more if... well, Harry was a PI. but yeah, all this is to say that Deadline is probably more what you're looking for here. Iron & Velvet is good, too, though.

The Hellion's Waltz by Olivia Waite another departure from the form in that its protagonists are actually reasonably well-adjusted people, but it is not only set only a couple decades earlier than Fingersmith and in the same country, it even has an approximately similar plot. basically, The Hellion's Waltz is kind of what you'd get if you took Fingersmith's eleven and turned it down to a gently simmering two or three. bonus points for also being about unionization and seizing the means of production. quite explicitly. this is also part of a trilogy, each book focusing on a different couple during the early 19th century, which i mostly mention because even though they are definitely about much more well-adjusted couples than is being asked for here, The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows has become another one of my favourite books.

Do you want reccs for more interesting sapphic books? Last year I tried to read as broad a spread of books with wlw protagonists as I could find, and a lot of them seem to have flown way under the radar. I'm sure other people are sending you suggestions unprompted, but I thought I'd ask first, and if you are interested, maybe you could tell me a few things you like in your stories to help me narrow it down?

I think what I'm looking for is a f/f romance where shit is messy. Like both protagonists are kinda awful but like in a tragic way where they're products of their environment. They fuck nasty but can't talk about their feelings until the very end. Stuff in their personal and professional lives is constantly going sideways but they find solace in each other. Idk if this is making any sense but while I did end up enjoying Ashley Herring Blake's Hallmark Movie sapphics it did leave me longing for something a little less sugary and wholesome.

[chocoenvy]

okay so i uh... yeah...

@spare-some-bones here's your child and their toll gf

okay brainrot time:

darling and tsaritsa have matching earrings bc frick you

there's an utau named darling that has done a cover of a song called Darling and New Darling and I now imagine Darling's voice to sound like this and this

okay now im gonna explain their appearance

i gave them an adam's apple bc uh... uhm uh... i.. uh... uhmm... anyways-

the lil clock on their cloak counts down the seconds since they last seen the tsaritsa/hj

it should probably be smth more important but Darling's a lil fuckin rat that loves their tall wife so i thought of that dumb reason bc i think its cute

uhhhhh tsaritsa 100000% puts their shoes on for them each morning and ties them maybe even kisses the shoe bc Tsaritsa be like that sometimes

DARLING IS A BITER YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND

LIL FUCKING SHIT THAT'LL BE ALL "YOU STARTLED ME!" YOU DIDN'T GET STARTLED BY SHIT YOU JUST WANTED TO BITE SMTH FUCKING RAT (affectionate)

Venti is also a biter and the Tsaritsa ghosted his ass for that, Darling's on thin fucking ice (/j Tsaritsa could never <3)

Darling either has no pupils or changes their pupils. Like hearts for the Tsaritsa bc Tsaritsa's whole theme is hearts and stuff idk man its cute <3

I was tempted to give Darling freckles, but Tsaritsa already has heart freckles, so I just gave Darling a few lil moles on their face. They def have more elsewhere but I didn't feel like drawing that lol

I decided that Darling also has their shoulders showing bc idk man it's what my bisexual heart desired LOL uhm their pants should probably have a more extravagant pattern along with the rest of their outfit but drawing hard.

It'd probably be star patterned, little diamonds and stuff up along their pants maybe, and then I have a pattern from one of my ocs that i slapped on them in the second pic

As for the headpiece thing they got going on, I tried to base it off of that like Greek leaf headband thing that ppl had. It'd be gold colored and all that but it lowkey looks like kokomi's headpiece or whatever but sshshshshs its fine

I had the thought to give Darling angler fish vibes, didn't really work so I scrapped it for Darling and Tsaritsa being cute bc that's more important.

Darling having a little light on their neck maybe? maybe stealing that pearl from the divine traits brainrot but make it glow when Darling wills it to.

Oh Darling has fangs, they just do sorry I'm not taking criticism <3 but they're not as big as Tsaritsa's. Tsaritsa's fangs are so <3333 and Darling's not trying to step on Tsaritsa's toes.

Besides, Tsaritsa thinks its cute to see Darling's little bites. They're like a kittens compared to hers. Even if Darling draws a little blood Tsaritsa's not actually upset, she thinks its cute deep down.

oh i also attached some ribbons to the back of the lil leaf crown thing they got going on bc.... yeah....

All genshin characters have smth flowy on the back of them so i just threw that on them bc i thought it was neat. I think they might also have some on their hips and/or wrists but I didn't think of that until just now so oh well-

Anyways I'm about to draw some gay shit of these two cuties >:)

[mariaiscrafting]

You know, what think I like when you are critical of a content creator is that you know how to separate a fact from especulation, unlike a blog out there that took especulation as facts.

Example, that night when we were critical of Karl, or any instance you have discussed about him, a lot of anons were saying that he gave them clout chaser vibes to them, and despite your opinion, you expressed that those were only especulation and not the truth, and to keep that in mind. That's good critical thinking.

But this blog had some similar anons, saying that he only is friends with the Feral Boys gro clout- In fact, they said the Feral Boys were only in it to benefit from clout and money. And they took it as a truth. I know you instance on them is neutral, but come one, they are friends. All of them. Karl isn't friends with them for clout. Like today Karl was playing golf with salad gang plus Sapnap and George at first and then Quackity and Dream joined bc they had spared time and it all devolved into typical chaos (Poor Corpse and Tina and Brook, had to endure those children lol/lh /j). Like, the stream wasn't planned with the 5/5 yet they joined, missing Karl and just having fun.

Idk, I guess that blog's superiority (They were a SBI focused blog) just irritated me. It's as if they were putting both groups at each other as if those streamers aren't friends or close. They were singing prayers of one while shunning the other based from especulation. Criticissism is fine, in fact recommended to be critical of your interests, but taking rumors as facts to base your crit is yikes. It's as if I wanted to crit SBI and base it only of "Philza hanging only with people younger than him is kinda weird ngl.." or "Sbi doesn't care about Tommy cuz he joined late" like that dumb Tumblr post did or some fuckers in Twitter imply.

The main reason I take so much care to separate speculation from evidence-backed theories and confirmed truths is because I feel like that separation is what distinguishes us from mcyttwt the most. One of the main reasons for mcyttwt's toxicity, imo - for its relentless cancelling of everyone, for its bandwagon campaigns - is that people oftentimes criticize and defend based on their personal feelings rather than rationale or evidence.

For example, I complain a lot about Dream stans on here, but you know the reason I didn't stop watching Dream directly after the cheating scandal broke loose, even though I thought he cheated? Because of mcytblr Dream stans. Mcytblr Dream stans engaged with me in discussion, both publicly and in DMs, about the cheating scandal, and even those who eventually came to the conclusion that Dream didn't cheat accepted the facts and statistics they were given and kept a healthy skepticism throughout the process. On Twitter, Dream stans were defending him before he even made a video following up to the mods' initial accusations because they felt that Dream wasn't the kind of guy to lie or cheat. They were replying to screenshots of statistical analyses from subreddits and to articles from mathematicians and staticians with extremely reactionary responses because of that feeling, which they believed in so adamantly, they had accepted it as fact. The thing is, to believe that Dream didn't cheat in the face of all the statistical and rhetorical evidence to the contrary is, in itself, speculative. Usually we think of speculation as a baseless theory that something is a positive truth- that is to say, that something did happen. But speculation also applies to those theories of someone not having done something, when the opposite has been nearly proven to be true.

For this same reason, I chose not to ignore the anti-technotwt threads with screenshots of Techno's old tweets in them. For me to have simply ignored these screenshots and continued supposing that Techno never expressed bigoted beliefs and/or currently doesn't would have been speculative on my part, and to boot, blatantly wrong, given the evidence to the contrary.

People in this fandom, and in all RPF/RPF-adjacent fandoms need to understand that almost everything they believe about the CCs they watch is speculative, at least to some extent, because of the nature of the content they make. Even if someone, in your opinion, displays evidence of some aspect of their personality - whether that be some form of bigoted, sweet, rude, clout-chasing, or anything else - because of the extremely one-sided nature of sharing one's life through a screen, that theory of ours will almost alwyas only ever be speculation, not a solid conclusion that can be drawn. We will never know these people's true intentions behind something shared to us via the Internet.

That vagueness leads to virtually every viewer creating a different theory in our heads about the CCs we watch, and we can't treat those theories as facts, especially not when sharing them with the rest of a fandom. I'm not a very big blog, but I consider even over 50 followers to be way too many people to spread a theory too, without at least clarifying that what I'm posting is speculation. If I have evidence, I like to list it or, if I can, provide sources; but otherwise, I take care to qualify most things with phrases or disclaimers that will clue followers into the speculative nature of whatever it is I'm saying. This is because theories and "feelings" can blaze through a fandom like wildfire, especially somewhere like Twitter, where so many things are word-of-mouth or based on summary due to character limitation.

You know why mcyttwt was cancelling Andi? Only a handful of original Tweeters under the cancel Andi hashtags actually knew what clips or tweets to criticize her for, or tried to elaborate on that criticism. But because every other mcyttwt user was getting bombarded by their mutuals hate-posting about Andi on their TLs, the "negative feeling" towards Andi grew and grew, even if most people didn't even know what they were supposed to feel negative about, exactly. Our judgement works on a quick trigger on the Internet because of the amount of information we're receiving, and so, even a single bad word against someone you don't have too strong of an opinion on can fundamentally alter your perception of them, usually subconsciously. If the first thing you see about Andi, who you've only seen on a couple LOH's or a couple Punz streams before then, is a tweet along the lines of, "disappointed in Andi for her homophobia and joking about suicide," despite you having no context, you will most likely be pushed to the negative side of her. Thus begins the cycle of hatred, building up and up, leading to you searching for more and more criticism about Andi, whether speculative or not, until you solidly and genuinely believe she is a Horrible Person. It all starts with the vaguest fucking feeling, because that's all speculation has to go off of, and it snowballs into a fucking wildfire across an entire fandom. I'm not about to be another person to let feelings snowball and spread like that.

Now, I don't know what exact blog you're referring to, but as an adamant SBI enthusiast, let me flip the argument many SBI stans have for their speculation upon the genuity of Karl's friendship with the Feral Bois, onto SBI. What do we have to go off of for the genuity of SBI's friendship, anyways? Our perceived brother dynamic between Tommy and Wilbur could very well just be Tommy capitalizing on Wilbur's brand and continuing the charade until now because it's been profitable. Maybe Techno only continues to associate with SBI because he knows how much his fanbase likes headcanon'ing about SBI, so he puts up with streams with them so he can continue to feed his fanbase with dynamics he knows they're obsessed with. Maybe Phil would rather play MC with people his age, and actually dislikes that he's friends with a teenager, but sticks around because he profitted so much off of Dream SMP and SBI-related content. And what could any SBI stan have to argue with me on any of these theories? Just because SBI laughs around each other and seems fond of each other doesn't mean they're actually like that behind the cameras. They so seldomly stream or make videos together anymore, anyways, so maybe they've grown tired of keeping up the dynamic.

Everything I said could be interpreted as utter bullshit, and that's because it fucking is. I don't actually know what Techno wants to do with his life, or how Wilbur and Tommy actually feel about each other, or who Phil wants to fucking befriend. The same goes for Feral Boys. There's nothing wrong with stating your theories or speculation, but to treat them as fact or not at least qualify such posts with the fact that this is all based on your bias and opinion, and no substantive evidence, is irresponsible. Just because you feel like one or more of the Feral Boys is "clout-chasing" doesn't mean you have the right to tout that feeling as truth. I feel a lot of things about a lot of CCs, both negative and positive, but no matter how strong my feelings, unless they have substantive evidence backing them up, I have no right to treat them as facts with my followers.

[apriorisea]

What do you think each of the boys top “love languages” are? (Acts of service, words of affirmation, etc)? You write so well, love ur blog 💛

-- Hi!! Thank you so much for your sweet words^^ That’s so nice of you. Also, wow, this is such a great question!!! I love thinking about how to categorize personalities, so I really enjoyed pondering this for a while 🤔😅Eventually I just went with what made the most sense to me, but undoubtedly these opinions could change over time. And, of course, these are just *my* thoughts, so I’d really love to hear from everyone whether they agree or disagree and why~ Thanks again and I hope you are having a great day/night 💜💕

BANGTAN LOVE LANGUAGES

Seokjin: Quality Time      -I think you could make a strong argument that he is also “words of affirmation,” especially given how much he courts praise (worldwide handsome, my handsome face, yes I’m handsome, etc etc), but.....I would also say that exact reason is why it’s not his love language. I think his personality is such that if it were his true love language, he wouldn’t be so bold about asking for it or encouraging it. So....for me, the thing that really makes sense for Mr. Worldwide Handsome himself is quality time. Of the 7 of them, Jin had the most opportunity to experience a “normal life.” He was already a college student by the time he was recruited, so I have always felt that, for him, the magnitude of their fame and the ways it changed his life has been a little bittersweet. No matter how grateful he is for his life and proud of his work and happy to be what he is, I can’t help but feel that he mourns the loss of that normalcy in a deeper way than the others. Therefore, I think it truly means the most to him when he is able to spend free, unbothered, private, and significant time with people he cares about. The ability to set down the title of “BTS’ Jin” for just a moment and be relaxed in company where he feels completely comfortable and cared for and normal is a dream situation for him. 

Yoongi: Physical Touch      -So Yoongi is, in my opinion, the most empathetic member of the group---the one who is always silently watching, listening, observing, and then handling whatever comes up. He is painfully aware of the needs of every person around him and doesn’t hesitate to step up and fill those needs where he can, and if he can’t do it alone, he helps the person find the solution elsewhere. Because of this, I think he’s very well versed in giving love in the form of words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and even occasionally giving gifts. However, I think the way he craves affection is through physical touch. Words of affirmation is a close second to me, but I think, genuinely, when he is as in-tune to the emotions and needs of others sometimes he just needs someone to hold his hand. I also think that, for him, physical touch and quality time kind of come hand-in-hand (no pun intended): his idea of being loved is sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with someone who loves him for a long period of time. Someone who will cuddle him and hold his hand and hug him when he’s tired and stressed, when he can’t sleep at night, when he is too overwhelmed to even work. Being in a loving, comfortable environment to him means being in one where puppy-piles on the couch aren’t unheard of, where it’s not strange to bustle around the kitchen bumping into each other, and where a touch on the arm is as commonplace as a smile. 

Hoseok: Acts of Service      -J-Hope is the toughest one for me, for reasons that I can’t quite explain. I think he plays such an important role in the group that has so many nuances I can’t really pin any one love language on him---except, for some reason, the one that sticks out the most to me is acts of service. For someone who has, by his own admission, worked very hard to cultivate and embody a particular persona (one that is happy and carefree and positive), I can see him being really moved by having someone quietly do things for him that make his life easier. Making him a meal after a hard rehearsal, unpacking his things for him after a long tour, doing the dishes or taking out the trash so he doesn’t have to worry about it, etc etc. Doing the hard or tedious or daunting things for him so he has a chance to just relax, to put down the persona for just a moment and be babied a little. 

Namjoon: Words of Affirmation      -Words mean the most to Namjoon. He has intentionally surrounded himself with words his whole life: lyrics, languages, poetry, literature. He probably also enjoys an act of service or an odd hour or two doing something Namjoony (museums, nature, etc) with someone he loves, but I think, when it comes right down to it, Namjoon communicates most and best with words. However, while others need words to praise them or acknowledge them, sometimes I think Namjoon simply craves conversation that stimulates his incredibly high level of intelligence. Sometimes, he just needs someone with whom he can discuss his deepest thoughts, opinions, philosophies, ideas, fears---and who will then affirm everything he has said; not necessarily agree, but just affirm that his thoughts are valid and interesting and provoking, to vibe with him on a similar level. Also, I think he really appreciates being told that his music, his actions, his life has had a positive impact on others. And, of course, I think he, who was mocked early on for his appearance, really thrills at being complimented for things beyond just his intellect and talent. 

Jimin: Receiving Gifts      -I know, I know: the cuddle monster of BTS is surely a “physical touch” person, right?? And if not that, then certainly the highly self-critical, sensitive, classically trained performer would surely crave “words of affirmation” the most, right?? ..........I won’t actually argue much against either of those, because I think Jimin, more than the rest of them, could probably easily fall into multiple categories. Does he love cuddling/hugging/physical closeness? Absolutely. Does he adore receiving praise or affirmation? Definitely. But here’s what I think about Jimin: he is one of the most empathetic people in the group. He’s caring, he’s observant---he’s completely willing to do whatever it takes to make the people around him KNOW they are loved. He’s intuitive and highly aware of the needs of others and acts on that intuition in a pretty selfless way. Because of this, I think it means a LOT to him when someone takes the time to buy or acquire something that he either needs or wants. It’s a sign that someone else has been listening or watching him as closely as he listens to and watches others. I think he is the sort of person who appreciates gifts (especially random ones) because it shows that the other person saw something that reminded them of him, totally at random or totally unprompted. (but yes, also physical touch and words of affirmation)

Taehyung: Words of Affirmation      -Honestly, he is the only one I feel most certain about. Taehyung needs to be told that he is doing well; more than that, he needs to be listened to. Some could argue that being listened to is more “quality time” (and I wouldn’t necessarily disagree) but I feel like hearing the right words and being able to comfortably say the right words to someone who is paying close attention are extremely similar. Taehyung seems to live off the praise of those who mean the most to him. Whenever he learns a new skill (painting, composing, ‘playing’ the violin) he wants to show the world: he wants to be told he has done well. He also very much dislikes being ignored or forgotten or spoken over---all very normal things to be irritated about, but they really seem to dig at him. I could get into a whole discourse about why I think this is (his position in the group, his history within the group, his particular personality etc etc), but for now I’ll just leave it with this: Taehyung is the sort of person who loves to cuddle, loves to receive thoughtful gifts, and enjoys spending time with those he loves---but what he needs most is to hear good things about himself and his accomplishments, to be reassured, to be recognized, and to be heard.

Jungkook: Quality Time      -Here’s my thinking: as the baby of the group, as the precious maknae that was raised by these 6 other men, Jungkook received (and still receives and will continue to receive) all the physical touch (cuddling, hugs, hand-holding, playing with his hair, etc etc) and words of affirmation ( “golden maknae”, he’s the coolest, everything he does is great, so handsome, talented, etc etc) a person could ever possibly want. He’s literally never lacked those things; he has ALWAYS had at least 6 other people to snuggle him and praise him (nevermind the millions of ARMY that would kill to do the same 😂). At the opposite end of the same stick, since he is the youngest I don’t think receiving gifts is anything new or special to him; plus he seems very much the sort of person who RELISHES his ability to provide for himself (see: his fancy car, apartment, etc). He’s also been raised in an environment where things are done for him as a matter of course, so acts of service doesn’t seem to fit either. Therefore, I think one thing that means the most to him is quality time. Actually, quite similar to his hyung-nim and best buddy Jin, I think he also genuinely craves any opportunity to spend quiet, private, meaningful time with those he cares about (although for an opposite reason: Jin aches for a life he used to have, Jungkook yearns for a life he never had a chance to experience). This is also why I think he’s always very vocal about how much he loves and misses ARMY: the time spent at concerts/performances is quality time to him, an opportunity to spend time with some of the people he loves the most.

[stingdragon]

Chaotic Malicious:

Peter Lukas voice upon seeing Martin lives below him "ah! Guess I'll just never leave this flat then"

Stingdragon:

Oh man...

Imagine Peter trying to live in an apartment. Avoiding all neighbors, checking the door to see if anyone is outside, listening for foot steps!

Chaotic Malicious:

DHDHSBD

Stingdragon:

And weasle his way out of community activities!

I don't know if you guys got them, but here you get things like once or twice a year cleaning of the gardens or the things around the building, summer barbecues and stuff like that.

Chaotic Malicious:

Peter just

Locks his door sjdhajdhshf

Stingdragon:

Peter squirming every time he needs to do his laundry in the joint laundry room! And he has to see the other tenants have booked time slots too!

Chaotic Malicious:

Obsessed with Peter being forced to live in a communal area 

sydhSHDHSHHD

Stingdragon :

Why doesn't he just move out?

Spite.

Or loosing a bet with Elias!

Chaotic Malicious:

Elias is the landlord

okay but this concept is fucking SENDING MEEE

In the context of the fic Peter is a quiet recluse who only ever comes out if the weather is gloomy, misty, or rainy who Martin sees and then goes "this is better than my mother" and proceeds to pester Peter

Stingdragon:

This would be the biggest crack fic!

Chaotic Malicious:

YEAH

Stingdragon:

Everyone get's an apartment!

Chaotic Malicious:

HSDHAHDHS

Stingdragon:

Jon always plays audio books or recite things in the room with the thinnest walls!

Chaotic Malicious:

to spite his neighbors

Stingdragon:

Neighbor Melanie constantly bangs on that said wall from her apartment because Jon holds atrocious sleep hours!

And Jon just forgets that it is 4am!

Chaotic Malicious:

But also AHDHSJDH

Stingdragon:

On Sasha and Tim's floor they might as well build a corridor connecting their apartment because they are constantly running back and forth to each other!

Stingdragon:

Basira and Daisy share an apartment at the ground floor and they have a very large dog that is very excited and barks a lot.

Chaotic Malicious:

Tim harassing the other tenants is great

Stingdragon:

Georgie is the only one standing between Jon and Melanie to keep it from turning into an all out war.

Chaotic Malicious:

SHDHAHDHSHD

Stingdragon:

Would... the avatars belong in our silly apartment complex?

Chaotic Malicious:

yes :)

Stingdragon:

Jude Perry organizing the yearly cook out.

Helen is the landlord of course! Only renting out apartment to the weirdest clients that comes knocking. Just for fun.

The old landlord, Michael, left. Something about a fall from a balcony. The details are unclear.

Chaotic Malicious:

AHSHAHDHHSDH OH NO

Stingdragon:

There might have been an old lady involved!

Horizon:

Galaxy brain take: Michael is Helen's deadname

Stingdragon:

Mike Crews has the apartment on the top floor. His weird old uncle comes to visit ever so often. They always enjoy their meals on the balcony. No matter what weather.

Chaotic Malicious:

Oliver lives in the basement but constantly goes up to visit Mike no I do not take any form of constructive criticism

Stingdragon:

We do not talk about the Prentiss incident. She is out now and her old apartment thoroughly sanitized and rebuilt.

WELL!

Naturally!

Oliver and Mike accidentally dropped a space ship model from the window up there once. It smashed Peter's car.

Chaotic Malicious:

THE FUCKING SNORT I DID!

Stingdragon:

Dominguez lives on the same floor as Sasha and Tim. They sometimes visit her to prod at her for details about her work. During one of these visits they might have all been having some wine. The whole complex was blacked out for hours!

Nikola always have visitors over. A lot of visitors and friends! Never the same people twice though....

Gerry has the other top floor apartment. Where he has a nice studio and a very cozy bedroom. He has books that are all nice and funny to read that lifts his spirits. He has large windows that let's in the light so well that he can paint without trouble. He is healthy and happy and have all the nice things in life that he can wish for. His mother has a restraining order.

Chaotic Malicious:

His mother will have a missing person's case if she messed with Gerry

Stingdragon:

Gertrude is his mom now.

Chaotic Malicious:

Good

Stingdragon:

Oliver can swear that he hears someone else living in the basement, but they never ever show. Which is odd because the only other room down there except the storage space and the laundry room is this room that on paper looks to be a tiny box of a room. Though someone is at least tending to the flowerbeds outside. They are always freshly freed from weeds and the soil perfectly balanced with nutrition and manure.

Let's see.... Who else is there.

OH!

Chaotic Malicious:

Breekon and Hope

Stingdragon:

Annabelle!!

Hmmmm

Oh Breekon and hope are the only two that comes to visit Nikola on the regular!

Chaotic Malicious:

Shshdhshd everyone just squints at them when they show up

Stingdragon:

I don't know what to go for with Annabelle.

I can't picture her living there.

But coming around at weird times whenever something truly crazy happens

Chaotic Malicious:

She visits and no one knows why and it scares them

Stingdragon:

People in the complex starts seeing it as an omen when they spot Annabelle there!

Her car in one of the parking spots one day when Jon looks out. He ducks back inside and quickly packs a bag and goes to visit his grandmother for the rest of the weekend!

Where does Martin fit into all of this?

Well... he was just handed his new keys by Helen.

Chaotic Malicious:

DHSHFHHS Martin just vibes

Stingdragon:

He is just now moving in!

POV character to the show!

Have I forgotten any of the fears?

Hm... well... The flesh.

Chaotic Malicious:

DHDHSHD jared lives in the dumpster and sustains himself on rats

Stingdragon:

Him and Trevor sharing the dumpster though!!

Chaotic Malicious:

and they were dumpstermates /j /lh

Stingdragon:

Oh my god. They were dumpstermates.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Oooh yeah the first time I was playing as a female mc because I wanted to romance ava and I usually go male mc if I want to romance a man and female mc if I want to romance a woman (and I think there was one book with where mc could be non-binary so I picked that one but I didn't finished the book), and Stacy's brother felt Hetero™ in a way, like Hollywood ish (? Honestly like cinematographicly bad hetero) but I ended up really loving Andy too, and Stacy felt a little flat but also I really liked her potential, like go crazy girl, and the mom issues.

Apart but holy shit you're 10000% right about that teacher like who inmediately threatens expulsion just like that for something not violent ??? And to an honor student with way too much on his plate ??? Obviously it would have been bad with any student, but you have literally the reason of why he's doing it and as a teacher HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE HELPED WITH IT ??????? Like something teachers can't really help students because it's a family thing only or is a financial struggle or etc but it was literally because of school (and his family, but the teacher could have heloed him with the school part)

(Identity thief anon (also I go by any pronouns ahhshs))

ur valid! that's lowkey what i wish i'd do (picking female MC if my fave LI is female and the other way around, i mean) but unfortunately i always go into the stories blindly having no idea what i'll find </3 so i cant really do that doiajdiosa and then i get attached for the MC i picked so i feel bad about changing their gender/name/appearance when i replay. so what i usually do is that i pick a male MC when i get the option because A- u don't always get the option, so i end up being male half the time and female half the time either way; and B- i feel slightly more comfortable with a male identity than a female one. like i'm still nonbinary and i wouldn't consider myself male aligned or within the gender of Man, but like... when i first came out i went by any pronouns but then because im afab everyone was like "cool, she/her only it is" so i was like fuck that and stopped using she/her. so i feel slightly more comfortable with a masc MC and end up going with that

there's also the fact that it always feels slightly genderfucky to have a male MC because choices is so sexist and also always writes the stories assuming ull pick a female MC, even when they give u the option not to. so when u pick a male MC he's very like not toxically masc and some things they add to make a QuiRkY MC that are very white woman and would feel annoying are actually kind of subversive for my black and brown male MCs. so like another win for queerness /j

ILITW MC in particular i feel has HUGE nonbinary vibes like no reason at all he just does <3 maybe it's just that for once the male clothes for ILITW actually fUCK. i wanna dress in that goth outfit <3 so gorgeous ugh. i love him even tho he's a fucking dumbass

also there's a book where an MC can be enby? worm? ive only ever read one book in choices with any enby characters at all (america's most elligible, books 2-3) but they weren't even a LI which is disappointing cuz they were a billion times superior to any of the LIs. sorry america's most elligible LIs fans

also oh connor IS the epitome of white cistraight man even when u play as a man tbh, like he was just so cistraight to me daouhdsaojdasij he kind of annoys me but also i forget that he even exists until he shows up onscreen and choices starts trying to push me into his lap and i'm just like, ugh, not again

and yeah i think i feel a similar way about stacy. i don't dislike her as a character and i don't feel like she as a character felt flat, her growth was very interesting and i loved seeing her start to challenge her mom like YESSS GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING, she just felt flat as a LI to me ig? like idk i didn't feel chemistry between her and my MC personally, but also like, stacy girls are valid u know

right exactly. like i don't think ppl really understand that a school that doesn't drive people to cry during finals week and feel absolutely crushed by having to be there and that makes ppl feel like they're stupid, not enough, and overwhelmed IS IN FACT POSSIBLE and actually pretty easy to make when we stop treating students like statistics that will get the school more clients/funding (depending on whether it's a private or public school). and like as a teacher getting my degree in brasil it just feels completely surreal to me that anyone would see a student who's so overwhelmed by the amount of extracurriculars and responsibilities he feels like he has to take that he starts taking drugs to help his performance despite it affecting his health, and see that as like... something morally reprehensible? like it is bad that it happened but it's not the student's fault, what's morally reprehensible are the circumstances that led to his decision, not his decision

and like it is very much a systemic problem, more and more kids are taking focus pills to be able to survive the pressure of school and have a shot at a future, either on their own or because we are actually medicalizing not existing to be productive. and if it's a systemic problem then the fault is at the system?? and like holy shit i legit don't understand why choices gave us options like being like "it still isn't enough" when lucas gets rid of his pills, what do you mean it isn't enough??? enough for what??? to FORGIVE him???? for something that only hurt himself??? for something that is very much a systemic problem and therefore NOT HIS FAULT????? literally what the fuck even is this, lucas doesn't have to "make up" for a single thing, he needs to be HELPED is what he needs

like idk i know that the school system in the US is...... extremely backwards lmao which is not a term i like to use because it usually implies imperialistic views but the US is the height of world imperialism so like actually idc. brasil has a pretty progressive constitution and as a teacher my whole education was focused on being critical of the school system, particularly the productivity obsession, and drilling into us again and again that we aren't supposed to just be teaching subjects, we are also supposed to be teaching how to be a citizen, be a critical human being, work towards building a better future, and learning and growing AS A PERSON to be healthy and happy are values of the school system

like that's easier said than done when schools are under insane amounts of pressure by companies in practice to be productivity-driven, and most teachers who actually want to do a good job end up having to live at the edge of the knife and constantly fighting back outside pressure, but at least it is very much a mandatory part of our education to become teachers and also like literally part of the constitution. so i just... i can't fathom reacting the way mr cooper did? like as a teacher i felt BETRAYED, i felt like he shat all over my profession because that is the opposite of what we should be doing, this is a kid who needs help

and just like hOLY SHIT HE DID NOTHING WRONG, what are you punishing him for??? it's not even a like, stealing bread to feed your family situation, because what he did HAS NO VICTIM OTHER THAN HIMSELF, and therefore HE IS THE VICTIM NOT THE CULPRIT. he doesn't have to repent or atone or answer for a single fucking thing, he didn't victimize others, he doesn't have to apologize, there's nothing to punish him fOR??? like i don't believe in punishment anyway cuz im a prison abolitionist but doDAUSDJADASIJDAS???????????? HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY IS THIS WHOLE GAME ACTING AS IF HE WAS IN THE WRONG. OH MY GOD

it's like saying that someone needs to be forgiven for self harming????? like how is it that someone has been hurt continuously until it led them to hurt themselves and then they have to? make up for it to a bunch of other ppl? my god it makes me so mad and i genuinely don't understand the logic, like usually when i see someone doing fucked up shit i can see the logic but i don't agree with it, but this time i genuinely DON'T SEE THE LOGIC. my USan friends said it was because he was technically doing drugs but like i legit still don't understand

anyway any school that drives a student to do something like that needs to rethink their entire curriculum and the psychological effect it's having on kids, because lucas is 1- not even the first one according to mr cooper; 2- even if he was, that'd be the only one who got CAUGHT; and 3- even if there was really only one singular student who went tHIS far, i doubt the others weren't feeling that same pressure and dealing with it in other similarly unhealthy ways

i know that's probably easier in brasil than in the US even if it's by no means easy here because here at least in public schools the curriculum and political-pedagogical plan has to be agreed on by the school community (teachers, parents, students, workers, and anyone who lives in the area of the school) and it's updated every year, so like, you have more means to do something to change the school in a deeper way, altho of course that still has to mean swinging the rest of the community, but still. but at the very least he could have looked for counseling for him? tried to find a way to take some of the workload off his shoulders? given him some more time on assignments? motioning for all the clubs he was the president of to have co-presidents so he was less overwhelmed?

like there was just daodsao he could have done so many things and he justs DIDN'T he chose to not only punish him instead but quite literally THREATEN HIM WITH DEATH because that's what calling the police on a latino student over a drug charge is. like he might've survived but the possibility that he would fucking DIE was very much there, and i know choices didn't think of that because they'd rather die than think about the racial implications of anything but holy fucking shit. and im not even getting into how mr cooper is BLACK because then ill just start biting people like thanks for putting that threat on a black character's mouth choices. if u need me ill be foaming at the mouth

anyway SORRY god why is it that i always get to the salty part within 2 seconds of joining a fandom i promise that i actually like it lives and the way they handled most of their plot, i genuinely think it's a very well written and actually worth ur time story but i just doadosaida like i said particularly as a teacher in the context where i'm being taught, plus with all my political beliefs, i just can't let it go aaaa

also ty for telling me ur pronouns! idk if i assumed them at any time, i don't think so but i might have done so without realizing and if i did im really sorry. also sorry for the gigantic salty reply daojdsaojdaisjsajdoadsaodasj rip me i never shut up

[bookish-black-girl]

Decompressing My Thoughts and Hopefully Arriving at a Conclusion

I want to preface this by stating and acknowledging that I am a recovering People Pleaser. Some days I have thick skin. Most days I cry, LOL.

The second thing I want to get out of the way is that I didn’t have reader friends growing up. I was the reader friend***. Which means I’ve read many books not because I wanted to, but because I was so starved to talk about one of my greatest loves that I’d read whatever was cool or in vogue at the moment. 

Alrighty, on with the post!

Right now Bookstagram feels like a war zone for me. Half the people I follow love all of Sarah J. Maas’ books and have dedicated stories, reels, memes, and posts to declare this love and appreciation. The other half would probably love to see all past, current, and future books burned to ground, citing cases of misogyny, lack of racial and sexual diversity, tired tropes, problematic tropes, and lackluster characters and plots. 

“Okay Blaire, you’re doing a lot of talk about what others are saying but what are you saying?”

Y’all I’m saying that I’m TIRED. My honest opinion on this whole situation?? People should be able to read what they want to read and enjoy what they want to enjoy within reason and not make others feel like shit along the way.

When it comes to SJM books I think they’re average. I really do. They’re not the pinnacle of fantasy and fae tropes in fiction, I have beef with the fact that they are marketed as YA when they really should be NA (not counting Crescent City), fandom darling Rhysand is....there.... and I have the biggest bone to pick with aggressive Nesta supporters but that’s another post and I’m not getting into that right now. Will my Goodreads and Storygraph pages incriminate me for giving the 3 books I did read (A Court of Thornes and Roses, A Court of Mist and Fury, A Court of Wings and Ruin) 4 stars? Sure would but changing the rating to reflect current feelings would require a reread that I just don’t have the energy or interest to carry out. 

I guess what I’m saying is that I understand and agree that these books are problematic, but I don’t have a problem with you reading and even enjoying them? I’m a proud and obnoxious supporter of The Selection Series so I lost my Judgment Card a long time ago 🤣 What I do have a problem with and can articulate within the safety of this Tumblr space is that I have issues with the mainly white women who praise SJM books and refuse or just don’t put in the effort to also read BIPOC fantasy books?? And/or rate those books lower than the SJM ones??? (Take a drink every time I say “SJM” LOL!) And then go out of their way to shut down meaningful conversation with others (mainly BIPOC readers) who point out triggering content??? That’s ugly. That’s really ugly and I hate it here. 

I want to apologize to one of my best and closest irl friends, who may or may not read this, but I find more enjoyment out of listening to her talk about why she loves the ACOTR books, watching people tear the series to shreds (shout out to Cindy and other booktubers, but mostly Cindy sksksks) and then going on IG to again watch people liveblog their reading journeys. Don’t ask me to explain why I’m like this, we both won’t get answers. ...That’s why I haven’t added Silver Flames to my TBR and skirt around the possibility of the Throne of Glass books. Never say never, but there’s too many other books I wanna read before I die, and some of those are rereads. So.  

To the people who make lighthearted and serious content criticizing these books, who continue to do the work and make the videos and essay chats and IG posts breaking down why you shouldn’t read this series, why it’s bad, why, why, why....I’m annoyed, but I get it? I just think this goes back to respect, something that we could stand to remember. Like, respect that people are going to like books that you think are trash, but ALSO respect BIPOC readers in the community who explain with very good reason why they personally find issues. I know it sounds contradictory but these are dark fantasy books with faries and smut and I’m tired of feeling like I have to defend my friends and mutuals who like the SJM books while simultaneously declaring the books are only HALF as hyped and loved because of a white audience. 

***Which brings me to my last point because your girl is running out of steam and will have to reread this for clarity and grammer before other people read this, damnit. I’ve been trying to figure out why this is one of those subjects that I don’t have thick skin for and my anxiety is having a whole field day without my permission. I think it ties back to baby Blaire trying to fit in as a Black girl in predominantly white situations and being teased about not being the typical Black girl by Black and non-Black friends. Obviously I know how toxic that was and is, but that internalized diminished self-esteem doesn’t go away. 

So I feel some type of way when I see and hear the arguments about SJM books and agree, but also see other Black girls just vibing and loving the books and basking in the community and I feel sick to my stomach for gatekeeping. (I don’t know if gatekeeping is the right word, so I’ll edit this post later once I locate the right one).  It gives off the vibes of “because you’re a Black girl, you shouldn’t like/enjoy/engage in xyz content” and I hate it. It’s a terrible feeling. 

So. In conclusion, I don’t know if I made any sense BUT I feel better and less anxious and stressed so this exercise accomplished what I needed it to.

tl;dr: let people enjoy what they want within reason, don’t be a dick, diversify your reading for Pete’s sake, and I probably won’t read the rest of SJM’s books but will continue to devour all of the think pieces 

[yourmandevine]

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

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Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so. 

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

Then:

Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

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We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months. 

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much.  Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

[praphit]

“Black Is King” - nuff said, but I’ll ramble anyway.

"Black is King" is of course Beyonce's new joint, based somewhat on "The Lion King", with an array of African cultures and symbolism at its core. 

Now, I am no different than the rest of you. I am obligated to love all things Beyonce. I have an extra obligation as a black man; not that I don't love everything that she does. I don't want "The Hive" or the Illuminati after me. I'm just saying that even if I didn't care for something that she did or had a slight bit of criticism, I'd be obligated to love it anyway. But, like I said... I love everything that she does anyway, so... we'll just go ahead and give this musical film a Grade: A+ Ok? cool.

Beyonce did everything in this film. Normally, when someone tells me that they wrote, starred in, directed, produced, idk filmed... catered, was the whole I.T. team, etc, I think to myself "This is either going to be awesome or a huge pile of apeshit." But, we all know that The Queen overflows with awesome sauce. I mean look at all of the adulation from the critics.

But, this is an artsy project, so some of you might not understand what's going on. You don't want to be disrespectful, and shine light on your ignorance, so allow me to help you understand some of it, by taking you through it, so you can pay your proper respects.

The film starts off with a baby in the river. I don't know if it's some type of Moses thing going on (who once was a baby floating down a river), but Beyonce ends up with the baby. I don't know if it's Beyonce's child or not. I suppose that Beyonce could have stolen this child. But, you know... it’s Bey. If Beyonce ever kidnaps your child, consider yourself blessed.

And so, The Queen starts singing to the kid as she walks around some gorgeous island.

I'm thinking that this is just a typical morning for Beyonce. While we're all at work on a Monday morning hoping that the next sip of coffee will get our minds ready for another week, Beyonce will be walking on some dream island, singing and dancing, as her servants prep her royal breakfast.

Oh, and there's some blue guy who keeps appearing as well. I'm still not really sure what's going on with him.

THEN, all of a sudden, we're in space. 

Beyonce is there too (kinda in spirit form and glowing), and some old black man talks to us about destiny.

THEN, we're back on earth with some sort of star (possibly) falling quickly from the sky. Superman maybe? Satan (you bible nerds will get that)? Beyonce? Some sort of “Beyonce is God's gift from Heaven” imagery there? Idk. All of a sudden, I didn't care, because... hips.

Lots of hips start shaking in front of us.

I’d show you a pic or gif, but I’m afraid that some of you don’t know not to stare into Beyonce and her dancers hips - it’s like the ark of the covenant, if you don’t take breaks.

But, let me tell you... MY GOD.

A true goddess! As I think more about it, her godly powers throughout this visual album/film were spot-on dance choreography and unlimited stimulating outfits.

And of course... eternal hips.

Like all stories, we at some point must get to the villain. I guess you could follow along and say that Beyonce's possibly stolen child grew up a bit, left home, and found his way to some dude who looked like young Bobby Brown. 

Imagine Bobby Brown wearing an awkward amount of gold chains and holding a yellow snake.

Some of you probably don't remember the "king of R&B". Well, it's debatable whether he was or not; he certainly believed that he was, but I wonder who would call themselves the king or queen of R&B today? 

There's this guy, who is self-proclaimed... 

I affectionately refer to him as “J-Squeezy”. 

I think that I was half asleep when I first tried to pronounce his name, and that's what came out. He'll always be "J-Squeezy" to me.

Maybe Jhene Aiko (one of my wives). 

Though some might say Justin Bieber. Can you imagine all of the R&B legends look up from bended knee, and are forced to give high praise to their “king” 

- The Biebs? 

That's just plain sad.

So, Bobby Brown, some sexy woman in a red dress, a yellow snake, and a monkey scratching its butt all tempted Beyonce's probably stolen child. Now, the kid... idk what happened to him... he's a drug dealer or something now. ... idk.

BOOM! And like that, Jessie Reyez (whom I love!) is on the scene.

Her and a dancing motorcycle gang are in the woods doing God knows what, until some dude, who thinks he's a lion ends the scene (Scar from "The Lion King"? Idk).

We are then transported to a funeral. Everything is white. Beyonce is there, and in all white. But, things take an artsy, dark turn, and now it looks like Beyonce is dead. BUT, Jay-Z finally shows up to the rescue. I don't know where he has been; probably hanging out with his new buddy.

All of a sudden, we're back to their house/mansion on the island and Jay-Z is picking Beyonce up to go to some club. Then, they enter the club in slow motion. Which again, I feel like they probably do that sort of thing all of the time. Jay and Bey just walking in slo-mo to make an entrance.

It's a wild party with synchronized swimmers (yep), human chess pieces (yep), and Jay and Bey eating soul food. 

Just another night.

Jay-Z must have went to bed early or something, because immediately Beyonce is transported to some other club in the inner city. There are a lot of sexy dudes around. Idk if maybe Jay and Bey have got some sort of Will and Jada sitch going on.

Oh, and these designs at this No-Jay-Z’s-Allowed-Club were dope... weird, but dope! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find pics of them online, but they kinda gave me a “Silent Hill” vibe - 

Pretty much the same :) (Illuminati)

But, the scenes of this "flick" never stay dark, they always go back to vibrant colors with the African cultures vibe. All of a sudden, the colors are back and the kids (lots of kids out of nowhere... possibly ALL stolen) are with Beyonce, and they're all playing patty cake.

Wait, was "patty cake" appropriated from Africa? Dammit, white people.

Then, things got a lil confusing (THEN:) with what appeared to be random stories of random peoples lives. It was as if cameras were set-up at random events such as weddings, parties, etc. Is Beyonce "big brother"? When I "people watch", I'm just at a park or looking out of my window. Apparently, when Beyonce "people watches", she spies on us all.

Someone quoted something about "Remember who you are." Something else about how “We're all kings (except for Beyonce's servants)”, and you need to go get what is yours... or something. And someone else said "Child of dust return to the river" I think we all know what that means.

Annnnd more blue guy. 

I’m starting think that the blue guy was just in Bey’s head the whole time. 

At one point, there was a bunch of blue guys, and they were all dancing.

I could go on, but that's enough; it's just more of that.

I will say this - I loved the fashion, the locations, the dances, and the music... WOW! I love everything culturally about "Black Is King", as well as the overall statement (artistically) that its making..

However... now, I'm not saying that I’M saying this, but some might say that throughout this 1hr and 25min long medley of music videos that they found themselves saying often "What the hell am I watching?" I repeat, I AM NOT SAYING THAT. Perhaps some just might not get it. Perhaps, not unlike this year (2020), there's no real meaning. Now, it could be divine retribution. Maybe all of the worlds doctors and scientists are conspiring against us (and themselves). Or maybe the world wasn't well prepared for this pandemic. Maybe the arrogance in SOME parts of the world

 are making their sitch worse, and MAYBE there's no meaning to give it. Maybe we simply need to start finally listening to one another and quit being assholes. Maybe 2020 is a year merely to be suffered through, and hopefully you'll make it to the end. Not that "Black is King" is something to be suffered through. I gave it an A+ remember? And I certainly, definitely, unequivocally finished it. I'm just... rambling like I do.

Do you remember any of the imagery from the movie "The Ring" - allow me to refresh you memory:

(Adele? How did you get in there?)

You know, just a lot of confusing shit (though I love that movie btw).

I'm reminded of this, because the images in this movie had no dialogue to them; we all had to join the main character in figuring it all out.

Now, picture that, but instead of the creepy girl, we're blessed with Beyonce, and it's in color... and smear Africa on it. BOOM! That's art! Who wouldn't want 1hr and 25mins of that??!

All hail The Queen.

[fairygrdn]

                𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴    :    #F41R13    //    STATS    »    magnolia kim,  (  two hundred  &  five  )  twenty three,  cis female,  she/her,  matchmaker.    ATTRIBUTES    »    enchanting,  impish,  persuasive,  deceptive.    SEEN    »    seeping teabags for too long,  trading secrets in whispers,  dotting every i and j with a heart.    DO NOT MISTAKE FOR    »    yooa  (  shiah yoo  ).

                hello  qts    !    im   xan   and   im   late   as   usual   but   that’s   just   the   way   the   cookie   crumbles   …   😔   im   22   ,   from   the   est   timezone   &   i   go   by   she   /   her   pronouns   !   i   truly   …   never   know   what   im   doing   with   intros   they   just   turn   out   super   long   &   messy   so   aha   …  are   u   ready   for   this   ?   zimzalabim   !   😋

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     QUICK  STATS  !

full  name  :   magnolia   marie   kim

nickname(s)  :   maggie   ,   lia   ,   mags     

zodiac  :   libra   sun   ,   cancer   moon   (  click   !  )

sexuality  :   bisexual   .

occupation  :   self proclaimed matchmaker   .

birthplace  :   undisclosed   magical   forest   .

current residence  :   lunehaven   ,   oregon   .

pinterest   :   (   tba  !   )  

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     BACKSTORY  !  

born   more   than   200   years   ago   to   a   family   often   referred   to   as   fae   royalty   ,   magnolia   was   the   youngest   of   four   girls   .   her   parents   were   well   respected   animal   fairies   in   the   fae   community   ,   and   because   they   were   so   efficient   at   wildlife   conservation   ,    magnolia   and   her   family   were   never   in   one   place   for   too   long   ,    always   moving   wherever   her   parent’s   services   were   needed   .      

although   her   parents   had   little   interest   in   the   business   of    humans   or   other   supernatural   beings   ,   that   wasn’t   the   case   for   maggie   and   her   sisters.   the   four   of   them   were   fascinated   with   everything   outside   the   fae   world   ,   often   neglecting   their   responsibilities   for   a   chance   to   stick   their   noses   into   situations   they   really   had   no   business   meddling   in   .

as   the   youngest   of   the   family   ,    as   well   as   the   only   weather   fairy   of   the   bunch   ,    maggie   often   felt   like   an   outsider   or   like   she   had   to   try   extra   hard   to   fit   in   and   prove   herself   .   her   sisters   eventually   gave   up   their   childish   games   in   favor   of   following   the   family   business   and   starting   serious   pursuits   as   animal   fairies   ,   which   only   left   magnolia   feeling   more   frustrated. 

when   her   parents   retire   and   settle   down   in   schiltach   ,   germany   for   a   quiet   existence   ,   maggie   tries   to   grow   up   .   at   a   little   over   a   100   years   old   ,   a   more   experienced   weather   fairy   tries   their   best   to   get   her   to   take   life   more   seriously   and   accept   the   fact   that   her   abilities   won’t   ever   line   up   with   the   rest   of   her   family’s   ,   teaching   her   the   value   in   what   she   can   do   for   plant   life   in   her   environment   .   and   for   a   while   she’s   satisfied   ,   but   there’s   a   part   of   her   that’s   still   interested   in   the   lives   of   humans   and   other   supernatural   creatures   ,    something   she’d   been   advised   against   seeing   as   fairies   often   had   bad   luck   trying   to   help   anyone   that   wasn’t   also   a   fairy   .   

like   any   stubborn   teenager   ,   though   ,    magnolia   swore   she   was   different   .   she’d   discovered   a   passion   that   had   nothing   to   do   with   her   fairy   duties  ,   and   that   was   matchmaking   .   something   about   love   had   always   just   fascinated   her   ,   and   she   thought   it   would   be   a   disservice   to    hide   her   gift   from   the   world   .   in   a   small   town   like   schiltach   ,   maggie   knew   everyone   ,    which   meant   she   knew   everyone’s   relationship   statuses   .   at   first   her   meddling   was   innocent   .   setting   two   single   people   up   on   a   date   ,   mailing   anonymous   love   letters   only   to   whisper   to   the   receiver   that   someone   else   sent   them   .   the   more   she   thought   she   was   helping   ,    the   more   confident   she   got   that   all   the  warnings   she’d   been   given   were   overreactions   .   

things   take   a   turn   when   she   tries   setting   up   a   married   woman   with   a   man   that   wasn’t   her   husband   .   maggie   really   didn’t   see   the   big   deal   ,   she   thought   her   match   was   much   better   than   the   woman’s   current   partner   but   what   she   failed   to   realize   was   that   there   were   real   consequences   to   infidelity   in   long   term   committed   human   relationships   .   it   became   the   scandal   of   the   town   ,   and   all   fingers   pointed   to   magnolia   .   her   parent’s   were   furious   with   her   ,   disappointed   that   she   hadn’t   given   up   her   childish   pursuits   and   fascination   with   all   things   outside   the   fae   world   .   not   really   knowing   how   to   handle   the   repercussions   ,   she   decided   it   was   time   to   experience   life   on   her   own   for   a   few   years   .        

mostly   going   places   were   her   ability   as   a   weather   fairy   were   needed   ,   magnolia   spent   the   next   100   years   of   her   life   balancing   her   responsibilities   as   a   fairy   with   her   passion   for   love   games   .   she   expanded   her   services   to   other   supernatural   beings   as   well   ,    which   is   how   she   ended   up   learning   about   lunehaven   ,   eventually   relocating   .   while   her   success   rate   in   matchmaking   may   be   shadowed   by   a   trail   of   sticky   situations   and   all   around   flops   ,   maggie   still   wholeheartedly   believes   she’s   helping   more   than   she’s   hurting   .   it   doesn’t   help   that   she’s   awfully   good   at   convincing   people   to   give   her   a   shot   (   even   when  it   might   be   in   their   better   interest   to   run   the   other   way   )   . 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     PERSONALITY  +  TIDBITS  !

oh  boy  oh  man  ...   i   won’t   lie   to   u   she’s   kind   of   a   handful   😳🙈   think   chaotic   youngest   sibling   vibe   .   probably   the   most   irresponsible   person  (   fairy   ?   creature   ?   SDSDKWDNKW   )   u   will   ever   meet   ...   has   never   truly    been   held   accountable   for   her   actions   before   so   she’s   never    learned   how   to   own   up   to   her   mistakes   which   means   if   u   tell   her   she   did   something   wrong   she   will   ignore   u   and   maybe   make   it   drizzle   if   she   knows   u   don’t   have   an  umbrella   .         

big   im   baby   vibes   !    thinks   she   can   🥺   her   way   through   life   bc   it’s   worked   for   the   past   215   years   so   clearly   that’s   all   the   proof   she   needs   she’s   too   old   to   change   her   ways   </3   mischievous   and   way   too   nosy   curious   for   her   own   good   u   can   tell   her   to   mind   her   business   but   she   literally   won’t   .   much   like   miss   tinkerbell   she   needs   attention   to   survive   if   she  doesn’t   get   it   or   doesn’t   feel   like   she’s   getting   enough   she   does   act   out  ...   that   complex   is   high   key   because   she   misses   her   parents   though   /: 

on   the   reverse   of   all   that   she’s   an   extremely   sociable   and   friendly   girl   !   she’s   generally   easy   to   approach   and   befriend   and   she’s   a   big   sweet   talker   .   she   loves   love   😌   but   she   also   doesn’t   really   understand   it   that   well   or   at   least   she   finds   it   hard   to   be   objective   when   she’s   matchmaking   for   others   .   oftentimes   she’s   considering   her   own   preferences  when   setting   people   up   but   her   intentions   are   almost   always   good   SDJWDJWDW  

she’s   crazy   loyal   to   friends   and   the   people   she   cares   about   .   would   never   hesitate   to   be    there   when   you   need   her   to   be   ,   and   she’s   really   big   on   showing   affection   whether   it’s   through   gifts   or   physically   or   mushy   texts   you   probably   did   not   ask   for   but   better   not   complain  about   .   can   be   a   little   dramatic   and   sensitive   at   times   ,   and   yes   maybe   she   overreacts   to   criticism   and   negative   situations   ,   but   she   also   knows   how   to   have   fun   and   get   people   to   let   go   !   very   good   at   bringing   out   the   eternal   child   in   u    <3

despite   her   sometimes   successful   attempts   at   matchmaking   ,   maggie’s   own   love   life   ?   a   big   fat   mess   !   she’s   still   scared   of   serious   relationships   for   herself   so   most   of   the   time   she   finds   a   way   to   mess   things   up   before   it   gets   that   deep   .   she’s   also   a   huge   flirt   so   settling   down   is   a   difficult   concept   to   swallow   SDJBWJDBWJ   also   ...   still   has   those   lingering   childhood   feelings   of   being   different   and   needing   to   prove   herself   so   perhaps   she   feels   a   little   unworthy   of   true   love   ...   that’s   fine   </3      

she   has   the   biggest   sweet   tooth   in   the   world   .   she’s   probably   always   hanging   around   the   bakery   munching   on   pastries   .   will   eat   dessert   before   dinner   every   time   u   can’t   stop   her

always   always   surrounded   by   freshly   picked   flowers   and   she   likes   to   give   them   away   to   people   ,   however   she’s   got   a   bad   habit   of   telling   people   the   flowers   came   from   their   admirer   (    whose   identity   only   she   knows   ,   of   course   )            

has   probably   tried   to   set   everyone’s   muses   up   at   least   once

accidentally   makes   it    rain   when   she’s   extremely   upset   ,   although   it’s   rarer   now   that   she’s   had   more   experience   with   her   abilities   

still   has   a   huge   soft   spot   for   animals   even   if   she   can’t   communicate   with   them   the   way  an  animal  fairy   can

is   on   tinder   ...    get   her   some   help   pls  </3

unironically   throws  tea   parties   in   her   woodland   cottage.   if   she   invites   u   and   u   don’t   show   up   she’s   going   to   hold   that   grudge   until   the   day   she   dies   ...          

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     WANTED  CONNECTIONS  !  (  all  open  to  all  genders  )

my   brain   is   quite   literally   all   rot   rn   im   just   gonna   list   stuff   with  minimal   elaboration  please   vibe   with   me   …

people   she's   done   matchmaking   for   <3   pls   give   me   all   the   plots   where   maggie   keeps   setting   ur   muses   up   on   dates   that   don’t   work   out   but   she   refuses   to   give   up   and   ur   muse   keeps   letting   it   happen   for   whatever  reason   ...   OR   maybe   someone  she   tried   to   set   up   once   and   it   didn’t   work  out   and   they   never   let   her   play   matchmaker   again   and   maybe   they   reset   her   for   what   happened   and   she   feels   guilty   about   it   but   doesn’t   know   how   to   deal   with   that   so   she   just   decides   she’s   gonna   resent   them   back    ...   OR   mayhaps   a   success   story   o: 

ex   infatuations   that   ended   tragically   lets   get   that   angst (:<

a   best   friend   PLEASE   ...       

she’s   pretty   upbeat   so   maybe   an   unlikely   friendship   with   someone   darker   /   quieter   where   at   first   they   were   annoyed   by   her   but   slowly  through   charm   and   time   she   grew   on   them   much   like   mold   might   😋      

please   give   me   a   ridiculous   enemies   plot   just   someone   who   thinks   she’s   an   absolute   brat   and   she   does   everything   to   reaffirm   that   thought   since   the   loathing   is   mutual   and   half   the   time   they   don’t   even   know   what   they’re   fighting   about   they’re   just   always   fighting   

current   hookups   we   love   to   see   it   there’s   so   many   directions   to   go   in    maybe   its   purely   a   casual   thing   ,    maybe   it’s   casual   for   magnolia   but   not   for   them   ,   or    maybe   she’s   the   one   like   worm   maybe   i  would   like   more   than   sex   ,    maybe   it’s   like   a   we   only   hookup   when   we’re   partying   thing  ,   maybe   it’s   a   we   only   get   along   naked   thing   ,   there   r   choices    

older   sibling   relationships   !    she   also   high   key   misses   her   sisters   and   being   babied   so   i   would   love   for   her   to   have  friendships   that   mirror   that

someone   she   can   be   in   cahoots   with   …   go   absolutely   bonkers   with   knowing   they   won’t   judge   her   and   she   won’t   judge   them

a   we’re   just   friends   ...   unless   ?    plot

maybe   someone   who   tries   to   get   her   to   b    more   responsible   and   she’s   just   like   UGH   i   will   throw   up   if   u   dont   stop   but   low   key   she   appreciates   the   guidance   

ppl   whose   places   she’s   always   crashing   at   when   she   wants   to   be   in   town   and   not   in   the   damn   woods   

i   wont   lie   to   u   this  got   longer   than   i   thought   it   would   😭😭😭   im   sosososo  sorry   for   the   length   …   also   i   feel   like   my   charas   always   change   a  lil   once   i   actually   start   plotting   &   writing   so   sorry   again   if   u   see   me   finally   writing   as   magnolia   on   the   dash   and   ur   like   literally   who   is   that   …  JSDBWJBDWBDJ   PLEASE  come  message  me  on  discord  to  plot   !   if   u   prefer   im’s   that’s   perfectly   ok   im   just   warning   u   now   it’s   gonna   be   a    much   slower   process   so   if   u   want   speedier   replies   ...  u   can   message   me   @ glo lovecore ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172   maybe  …   give   this   a   like   if   u   wanna   …   plot   hehehe   thank   u   for   reading   all   this   ur   so   brave   for   that   stay   sexy   x  

[elektra-world]

↳ღ—— [Scenario: The Wrath Part 3]

Summary: With Manager Rhee being away to care for his ailing Mother, the girls meet their new manager and quickly realize things were going to be very different.

Warnings:  Mentions of dieting and some minor eating disorder related talk.

"This is Mr. Park Jihoon and he will be your new manager for the time being." Mr. Ho stated matter-of-factly. "You have the keys for the van, correct?" The ceo lifts a questioning eyebrow at the Manager, who was only a couple years younger than him.

The man standing before the six girls could not being any older than thirty. He lacked the friendly and fatherly aura Mr. Rhee had and instead gave off a horrible evil step-parent vibe that gave the girls goosebumps.

"Yes sir." Mr. Park nods and pulls the keys from his pocket to show the CEO.

"Good. Now I need you to take the girls to rehearsal room A for their weigh in." After saying this, he simply walks out of the room while looking at his phone.

The girls gasp and Jenna looks worried. "Weigh in? But we never do those..." she looks down at her belly, worried all her happy binge eating may have caught up.

"It may just be a one time thing." Chanri suggests.

Mr. Park cuts in, his voice firm, "No. From this day forward you will all participate in bi-weekly weigh ins to make sure you're maintaining proper weight standards."

The girls whimper in unison. 

"Go," he gestures to the door and everybody shuffles along, sulking as they made the trek to the rehearsal room.

(10 Minutes Later)

"He called me fat." Jenna grumbles, wiping tears off her cheeks.

Yua screws her face up in disbelief. "You? Fat?! Your stomach is so flat though! How could he come to that conclusion?"

"He said my thighs were too big and my face was too chunky." Jenna sulks.

"I don't like him. He's mean. He said my face was chunky too!" Kay sniffles as she pats her cheeks - the cute baby cheeks everybody - including the fans, loved.

Sora tries her best to comfort all the girls while ignoring the criticisms she received. Her members were more important right now. Seeing all of them - especially Jenna, the lover of all food - torn up after Mr. Parks words hurt her. Their weight had never been an issue before and the sudden concern for it by both CEO Ho and their new manager was startling to say the least.

“Just don’t push yourselves too hard, okay? Maintain a healthy balance of exercise and food but do not starve yourselves.” Sora took a deep breath to relax herself. This was going to be a lot on her shoulders now - making sure her members took good care of themselves. 

“Are you girls ready?” Mr. Park asks, impatiently tapping his foot on the ground. He's twirling the car keys around his finger as he stares each of the members down.

The girls nod and follow him to the van.

"You have an hour to freshen up and rest at the dorms before we leave for a photoshoot." Mr. Park announces as he pulls out of the company parking garage.

Mr. Park was an impatient and clunky driver - unlike Mr. Rhee, who was careful and precise. He jerks the steering wheel as he changes lanes, sending some members bumping into the window. "Ouch..." Hyesoo rubs her shoulder and frowns. Yua looks at Sora and whispers, “He drives like a mad man” to which Sora gulps and nods her agreement. 

After a hectic eight minute drive, they finally arrive back to the dorms and are surprised at what they see.

Chanri gasps as her eyes take in the sight. “Who are they and what are they doing?” She asks. There was a man on a ladder near the door attaching something to the awning, and one attaching something at the front gate and another at the left side of the building.

Mr. Park idles in the driveway as he watches the men. “They are hooking up your new security system. Mr. Ho said it’s for your safety because a saesang was caught trying to break in a couple days ago while you were gone.”

Yua lifts a skeptical eyebrow as she eyes down the manager from the passenger seat. 

"That is scary to think about." Kay whispers as she watches the man at the door climb down, the sphere of a camera fresh in the corner to overlook the entryway.  The girls get out and head inside while Mr. Park discusses some things with the security company.

“Are you okay, J?” Yua asks as Jenna sulks towards the stairs.

“I’m fine. I’m going to go take a shower.” She smiles, though it seems forced. Before anybody else can question her, Jenna jogs up the stairs to the bathroom.

"Keep an eye on her. I think she's going to take this dieting stuff the hardest." Sora warns the other members.

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #011: Bloodstream (1985)

Let’s go back a few years close to when I made this blog, roughly 2013 or 2014.

Around this point, I was looking for some unique, weird, and obscure titles to share for the horror forums I was apart of and to make notes of to eventually add to my collection. If I was able to find names that had little to no available information on them, then I knew I was onto something special. This would often bring me to sites like TwistedAnger that sold copies and transfers of horror, exploitation, and mondo films to fill me in on elusive material that were often times obscure and never got an official release. This little search would bring me to find Bloodstream, and with the interesting cover art, I knew I had to find more about it - but much to my dismay, there was very little to be had or known about it.

Bloodstream is 1985 low-budget slasher film directed by Michael J. Murphy, whom A Slash Above has dubbed the Ted V. Mikels of the UK, which is quite the comparison. Given that there was very little to go off of with this beyond the site’s review, I was left to scratch my head a bit as to whether or not I’d be able to find the film in its entirety beyond a few clips, which only made me hungerier for more after reading the synopsis.

Our story centers on Alistair Bailey, an up and coming filmmaker who is suddenly fired from a project he’s working on by a sleazy VHS distributor named William King. Instead of the film being scraped like he thought, he later finds out that King plans on distributing the film globally and it becomes a critical hit with the home video market. Rightfully pissed by this, Bailey seeks revenge and conspires to go on a killing spree with vengeful employee in a similar manner as the deaths in his movie - only this time, the effects will be real.

This got me pretty excited to check this out, and once the film got added to Youtube a few years ago, I was quick to jump at this. As a full disclosure, I did see and review this for UTA several years ago, but the details of my experience are on the hazy side. So, I won’t count this as a retrospective review this time around, but I’ll reflect on what I can if it’s as good or bad as I remember it being all those years ago.

Bloodstream in One Gif:

So, let’s dip our toes into this one.

________________________________________

But first, a little backstory about the film and what I was able to find. Going off the premise and opening alone, this one has a certain kind of tone to it, dare I say very pointed and self-aware. According to Murphy, the film was his response to distribution companies and presumably bad business experiences he’s had. Unfortunately, the film failed to be picked up for distribution before falling into total obscurity. I’ll return to this again towards the end to help wrap things up. The budget is also very low as one could expect; roughly £400 in 1985, or £1,053.02 in February 2020 (I’m not to sure what that comes out to in USD or CAD). Given the limited budget, I’m a bit surprised with what they were able to accomplish, and for that I’ll give it that much.

As far as our characters go, they were quite forgettable and the first time around I couldn’t remember who was who or what purpose they served. So, coming back into things with a fresh slate was helpful. Aside from our two focuses being Alistair and William, we have a couple others that will become topics of interest.

We have Judy, an actress brought into the flock by William whom he’s having an affair with to help advance her career. We also have Greg, a former pornstar who was brought in like Judy was to work under William. There’s also the matter of William’s family; his brother Simon, a misogynistic sleaze who has a thing for power while also being held under financial ransom by William at the company, his wife Sally, and his daughter Lisa - both of which whose dreams of being in the industry are held under William. All of this becomes important later on, which is why I brought this up. There’s also another focal character that ties this all together, that being Nikki, William’s secretary who acts as a mole and accomplice to helping Alistair get his revenge by adding fuel to the fire with her own hidden motives and intentions.

Now, with that out of the way, let’s begin.

________________________________________

As far as the story goes, it’s not all that bad, and in a way it reminds me of some tellings of Phantom of the Opera where our masked antihero seeks to get revenge on the Opera house owners who did him wrong by stealing credit for his work after being presumed dead. In a simialr fashion as the Phantom, there’s a lot of anger and malice behind the premeditated violence, and each of the murders was dragged out with a purpose in mind to send a message.

The plot moves along fast, as we’re immedately dropped into the action from the jump and the revenge scheme starts to take off within the 30 minute mark in a 73-minute film. However, it can feel like a log jam a bit with things being slowed down or padded out in the form of Alistair watching either his own movies or those from William’s distribution company. The quality of those films is pretty damn atrocious, playing on various horror film tropes and references like vampires, cannibalism, the occult, body horror, zombies, and Exorcist II: The Heretic - yeah, that happens. While it’s quite clear why these scenes are here in the first place, the run time could be shaved down to at least 65 minutes of these weren’t here.

From a technical standpoint, it’s not all that great and is overall uninteresting. The lighting is fairly poor, though I’ve seen worse. Some shots are overlit and others don’t seem to have enough, and while it doesn’t make it hard to see what’s going on, it adds to the overall cheapness. Speaking of which, the sets themselves aren’t all that remarkable either and it shows that they did their best to work with whatever they had with the budget since some of the locations feel like sound stages with black walls if it wasn’t places the crew likely had easier access to like their homes or a basic office space to rent out. There’s also a weird flickering problem where it will go from color to black and white briefly, which is a bit annoying as well.

The sound is probably it’s weakest point of everything else stacked against it, as some moments will be decently clear and others you’ll need to rewind it and try to figure out what was going on. I had to do this three times with finding Greg’s name, because I thought they were saying “Burke” for some reason. There’s also a fair amount of bad ADR going on, which is a bit laughable when it comes up. The sound quality in general just makes for a bad time with figuring out what’s going on, particularly in crowded areas where you have the background noise to deal with on top of it sounding like the actors are on the other side of the room when they’re in front of the camera. So, unless you have a good ear, you might be a tad bit lost, but it’s not on levels of Ax’Em bad.

On that note, how about the gore and deaths? While they aren’t perfect and are on the hammy side, I’ll at least give them some credit for having memorable death scenes and succeeding in what they could do for a microbudget. Some of them give me similar vibes to other slasher movies of the decade like Final Exam, Woodchipper Massacre, and Cannibal Campout, which I think helps me to enjoy them a bit more in a way. It tried, so I guess an A for effort is fair enough - especially with a particular implied off-screen death that’s quite brutal and Murphy apparently got a lot of e-mails and letters about it.

The acting is a fairly mixed bag as well, with it being mostly meh or average for the type of low budget flick where none of the actors went on to do anything else. When it comes to Judy, Greg, Simon, and the rest of William’s family, they aren’t there much to land a solid impact. So, when they get their own individual scenes where they’re on their own, there isn’t a whole lot to see to comment on about how well they hold up. They’re okay, nothing truly dreadful though. When it comes to Alistair, Nikki, and William though, that’s a different story.

While I found Alistair (and to an extent, Nikki) to be sympathetic, they didn’t do much to pull at my heart strings to get me totally revved up for the revenge sequences. The same can be said for William as well. Yeah, he’s a total sleazy, swindling bastard, but that’s about it. As a villain, he’s sort of forgettable. The writing itself is fine, which is surprising for this type of film, but the acting is stiff and doesn’t feel natural or right. I don’t know if any of the actors had prior experience given that they haven’t shown up in any other productions that I’m aware of or if a lot of the fault could be placed on poor direction. It’s a damn shame too since this could have been much better if one or both of those things could have been resolved. Plus, it could have been much darker too by pulling out all the stops since it already took plenty of risks with the aformentioned death scene and the social commentary it addressed. But we’re 35 years too late for that now.

To return to something I said at the start regarding Murphy’s intentions behind the film, much of this is heavily reflected in Alistair’s characterization where he brushes off the films produced by William’s company as “garbage”, and rambles about censorship, on-screen violence, and belittling distribution companies during the final showdown between him and William. Subtlety isn’t in this film’s dictionary, even more so towards the end where it raises the question about whether or not horror movies and the media contribute to real-life violence; much akin to other later films like Video Violence and Woodchipper Massacre. Yeah, it’s not an original concept at all and it’s been no stranger to us since the turn of the century or even for the time when the Satanic Panic and PMRC Senate case was going on, but it’s nonetheless fun to see how different artists handle the topic at hand.

________________________________________

So, what are my thoughts on this one? Well, I’m torn.

Back when I reviewed this in 2015, I was rather harsh on it for how low the quality was and that the acting was subpar at best. It left so much to be desired, as it could have been much bigger if it was given better resources to shine. I’d like to think there’s some other timeline where this could have been the success that Murphy wanted it to be, rather than his least favorite film he’s directed and ultimately faded away into obscurity - fulfilling its own prophecy in a way to become Bloodstream decades later.

With that being said, I think my old rating of 3/10 was a bit much. It’s no gem or masterpiece in any way, which again, is the sad part. But, it’s also not a total disasterpiece. If all the pieces fell in the right spot, this would be an easy 7.5/10 for me at the very least. However, with the technical issues and wooden acting, I’d give this a 4.5/10 to be on the generous side. If a day ever comes where someone wanted to do a faithful remake of this to show what we could have had, that would make for a fun night. If you want to give it a watch some time, it’s up on Youtube and it makes for a decent popcorn flick.

Rating: 4.5/10

[vapormaison]

2019 Best Vinyl Pressing 1/4: 魂のための歌 by 憂鬱

Preface: Throughout the month of December, Vapor Maison will be nominating  “BEST OF” albums of 2019. Slots will remain open for this month’s releases. Categories include Best Vaporwave Release, Best Future Funk Release, Best Re-Release (V & FF), and Best City Pop Re-Release, among others. This is one nominee for best Vinyl Press.

Author’s Note: For the writer’s ease of writing and readers ease of reading, I’ll be using the transliteration of 憂鬱:Yūutsu, and the translation of “Soul’s Song” in lieu of “魂のための歌”. I’ll maintain the Japanese track listings for easy reference. Apologies to Purity, a maiden as tedious as she is cruel.

Are the merits of a vaporwave album on vinyl even worth reviewing?

 Obviously, you’re reading a vaporwave vinyl review — creating a sort of circuit — so in the strictest sense of the word, yes, — but naturally, a follow up question must be asked by any smart music consumer. If so much of vaporwave, and by extension future funk, is centered around digital manipulation of either computer programs (vocaloid, electronic loops, midis, drum kits, etc), and pre-existing digital rips of j-pop (by definition most of future funk) — what’s the point of a vinyl press? Pressing mp3s onto vinyl is pointless — as no amount of “warmth” from a vinyl-based Hi-Fi system will ever make up for a low-quality source. What’s more, the indie releases of these tracks can make it hard to justify an expensive vinyl mastering session. In my most unfortunate purchases, I’ve had MP3s outperform certain 45s.

But sometimes, you can get just the right format, just the right mix and master, and it just makes your hifi set sing. You, as a Vaporwave/Future Funk/Chillwave/etc. enthusiast, can certainly approach the sonic repro quality of lore — that Platonic form of an “audiophile’s album”. How can I prove this? Look no further than Soul’s Song by Yuutsu. Point blank, full stop. This is the one of the rare vapor records for a true audiophile. In this next section, I’ll be giving my thoughts on the album’s tracklist. In Part 2, you can join me for a trip into Hi-Fi World for a discussion of Vapor-Vinyl’s legitimacy.

PART 1: THE MUSIC

小さい鳥 opens the album with a moody, synthetic mandolin-like twang and elegiac Vocaloid vacillations extended in a sort of melancholic embrace that brings you — willing or otherwise, into the arms of this project. The arrangement of the loops are of particular note here, with the layering of additional sonic flutters that culminate in an anti-climactic crescendo that leaves you as sad and disappointed as the album no doubt wants you to feel.

それは愛を返さありません ends up being the most “atmospheric” of all the tracks, a listening experience I’d describe as a fitting background track for a KEY visual novel — eerie, haunting monosyllabic Vocaloid chants of comprising the long, long hooks. While running at 5:24, it definitely feels longer — perhaps created by a symphonic discord between vocals and music at intermittent portions of the piece. I’d characterize this piece as the most experimental of the album, deftly playing with my expectations more than any of the others.

闇 is incredible — and without a doubt the highlight of the tape. Because it departs from the simple string looping and gives us something more — something resembling a tragic and contemplative harmony, however discordant, and one that builds into lyrically what I consider to be a genuine contemplation of spirituality and the other world — a natural place, topically, for an album titled “Soul’s Song”. A sort of hollow computerized synth also left me considering — was this song about the soul of the Vocaloid program itself?

The digitized horns, eerie synths, and what I could best classify as the crackling of amplifiers introduce the thirty-eight second interlude of 変更 and serve as the riser to the climactic shift of the EP beginning in おやすみ. This four-minute piece deftly blends electric and analog strings and brings the vocaloid program to its emotional and sonic heights, really making the high-end pop in a for a surprisingly refreshing experience.

We conclude the album with a hybrid piece ネコチャン which captures the electric energy of おやすみ, the distorted samples of 変更 and adds a fleeting feeling of warmth with that familiar sound of tennis shoes on a waxed gym floor, evoking nostalgia that never was of doldrum days in a Japanese high school. The album fades out, with our familiar vocaloid’s calling out of Neko-chan, melting away like memories.

PART 2: THE VINYL LISTENING EXPERIENCE

When re-starting this review blog in earnest over the past month or so, I made a point to get my best gear serviced. I couldn’t claim to be fulfilling my broadened duties without having a fully-serviced, properly functioning kit. One of the more essential and dreaded refurbishments was getting my KEFs over to the local stereo shop wizard for a re-foam. I’d be without my workhorses for a week: an audiophile Alexander without his binaural Bucephalus. In the meanwhile, my backup speakers — a pair of Cambridge Audio SX-50 bookshelf speakers that I use as computer monitors, stepped up to the plate as pinch hitter.

I provide this anecdote for a reason: the very afternoon I dropped my KEF’s off at the shop is also the afternoon I received my copy of Soul’s Song by Yūutsu.

Admittedly, I can’t say I was particularly hyped for this release, or very eager tor receive it in the post. The previous evening I had been sleeplessly experimenting on a DJ set of city pop for the journal’s launch party at my alma mater. I was decidedly on an upbeat, caffeine-fueled kick of positive thoughts and big dick energy. Success had triggered the dopamine receptors, and the idea of sitting down for a serious listening session of an album that many BandCamp users had dubbed as “peak sadwave” seemed like an unnecessary vibe check.

But— being a self-appointed music blogger— a craft which I imagine has real pretensions about it somewhere, I buckled —a serious listening session was attempted.

And I was utterly blown away.

***

A final word on gear. The Cambridge SX-50s — and Cambridge Audio in general— do have a bit of a cult-following among guitar enthusiasts in various audiophile spheres. I also am familiar with a listening bar in Nagoya (where I studied abroad for a semester) that uses top-shelf Cambridge Hi-Fi gear solely for Vocaloid listening sessions!

Suffice to say, I was not actively thinking about either of those two facts when I first let the needle drop, but when the twangy synthetic guitar loop and the eerie vocalic chants of それは愛を返さありません began, a sudden wave of melancholy set in and brought my mind back to a lonely winter spent in that basement bar after breaking up with my girlfriend. And to the Cambridges. At that time, I became intimately familiar with how an upbeat, poppy — sometimes even jazzy track— accompanied with Vocaloid vocals could really make those speakers sing. And it was happening right now, as I was cuddled by the warmth pouring from those drivers in spite of the cold sadness of the arrangement. That dichotomy was on full display as “Ya-aa-mi” invocations of 闇 reached its penultimate hook.

In may respects, these Cambridges were and still are petty. I had previous experience with them butchering a poor quality vinyl of the Luxury Elite/Saint Pepsi Late Night Delight EP two years ago. My KEF’s usually take it upon themselves to run cover for a bad release. Cambridge-chan couldn’t be bothered. On a bad day, with a bad play, they’ll seem like the most clinical JBL studio monitor — but here they were, absolutely singing. This album was making them slap — metaphorically. And that’s when I realized what a magical press this was.

Five days later, the KEFs were securely hooked up to my amp again. The first vinyl to be put through the paces was, of course, Soul’s Song. Again I was impressed. The exquisite layering of this album can’t be expressed enough — and while the SX-50s brought out the synthetic string and vocals to the fore, my 104s filled in the rest of the sonic picture. I felt as if I was being re-acquainted with a piece of sculpture upon viewing it from a different angle, or witnessing a church’s mosaic in person after seeing a small reproduction in a well-printed textbook. This is a pressing far and above the previous standards I’ve set for vaporwave.

***

As any Vapor Vinyl review would be incomplete without a brief take on the overallＡｅｓｔｈｅｔｉｃ of the release, so I’ll just start by saying that I really enjoy the three-tone front end. The lavender, beige and white undeniably make this a very “Aloe” release, who tend to make things easy on my very nearsighted eyes by never making the cover too busy. This is perhaps with the notable exception of VR 97’s recent cassette release — not a trend, I hope!

I do have to admit I’m getting a bit tired of pink vinyls, though — and Soul’s Song unfortunately now joins a very crowded pack. I suppose if you were being pedantic, you could compare the “pinkness” of the album vis a vis the 2nd pressing of Macros 82-99’s Sailorwave (fuller, more saturated), or even the “bubblegum” first pressing of Vektroid’s Floral Shoppe (just naming two iconic releases) — but I think this release would have been fine (and moved units) as, say, a picture disc — making use of the powerful, emotive cover art to its fullest extent. In short, it takes something unique and then commodifies it to the point of exhaustion. While I suppose this criticism could be leveled at all of the genres I cover— I think generally speaking Vaporwave and Future Funk (to a lesser extent) treads this line of “capitalist critique” and “modified consumption” rather adeptly.

The main thrust in the previous paragraph, I should qualify, is not a specific criticism of Aloe City Records, however — I think they’ve done a fine job generally. If I could make a list of three releases that justify a special edition vinyl — this is certainly one.

For audiophile vaporwave/chill-wave fans, I’d encourage you to snap it up while you can.  You can even buy it ethically — it’s still in stock on Aloe City’s band-camp page. It’s in my mind — without doubt — one of the best presses of the year.