#the rest of my boundaries will probably be placed in a masterpost of some sort in the future

[burrotello]

Hi guys! It’s come to my attention that a few notes have been left on my work that I’ve had to delete. I want to make it clear that I’m okay with jokes, but PLEASE do not compare my art to R34 or sexualize it. I’m okay with jokes here and there, but saying my work ‘turns you on’ without much of a hint that you’re joking makes me uncomfortable.

Please keep in mind that I am a minor! Jokes are fine but when it gets to the point where I can’t tell if you’re joking or explicitly saying my art is sexually fueled in some nature, I don’t appreciate that nor do I want that under my art.

I hope you guys understand!

[thechildoflightning]

Growing Roots Ch2- Plumule

Title: Growing Roots [Masterpost]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: platonic Prinxiety, background Logicality

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Chapter Title: Plumule- Chapter Two

Summary: 

A plant, much like friendship, doesn’t grow in a day. To grow, a plant requires the right nutrients, proper soil conditions, and correct lighting to grow to its full potential. Even with this perfect balance, not every plant makes it. A friendship is much more delicate, and a lot more complex.

Or: How exactly did Roman and Virgil become friends?

Warnings: PTSD, Flashback, Pet Death (past), Assumptions, Aggressive Male, Unsafe Situation, Lack of Consent, Date Rape Drugs (past), Sexual Assault/Abuse/Rape (mentioned)

[ao3 link]

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Plumule- Chapter Two

Roman would be the first to admit that things were not the best between Virgil and him. It was all to clear, but Roman was trying to fix that, okay? He really, really was. The main issue that continuously thwarted Roman’s plans at friendship was that sometimes Virgil would get angry for no reason at all. Roman was doing his best to respect Virgil’s boundaries and what made him uncomfortable, but it was made pretty difficult when Virgil wasn’t willing to share most of those boundaries with him. 

At this point, Roman pretty much knew three rules for dealing with Virgil: one- don’t touch Virgil without consent (even for the smallest things like a hand on the shoulder or bumping him gently); two- if Trixie was bugging Virgil, Roman needed to leave them both alone (sometimes Virgil would just take a breath, but other times he would slide to the ground and Trixie would clamor on top of him); three- if Virgil says ‘no’ that’s it, that’s the decision and there would be no arguing it (Virgil would only say no to things that made him uncomfortable and would instead say things like ‘I don’t want to’ or ‘I would prefer’ for things he had no real issue with but still didn’t want to do).

Roman did his best to respect those three rules. The problem was, there were a lot of things that didn’t quite fit into those categories that made it a lot harder for Roman to navigate the treacherous waters of being Virgil’s maybe-sorta-kinda-working on it friend. (Last week Virgil had freaked out over some hot tea. The week before he had requested that Patton didn’t leave out his Anatomy book when he came over).

Roman didn’t get Virgil. But he was trying to. Which made tonight the perfect night, while also the absolute worse. 

Tonight was Movie in the Quad. Logan, Patton, Virgil, and Roman himself had all been planning to go. In the end, Patton and Logan canceled last minute, due to the fact that Patton was having a bad pain day. Virgil and Roman had immediately offered to come over instead, so that Patton didn’t have to leave his room. After Logan had prompted him to be honest with what he needed and wanted, Patton had refused their request citing the need for space and rest. 

Logan’s insistence at Patton’s honesty made Roman wonder how often Patton had lied about his pain levels and needs before. He vowed to work on being more observant in the future. 

Patton had also insisted that Roman and Virgil still go see the movie, since all four of them had been looking forward to it. Considering it was Patton insisting and it was pretty impossible to tell him no, Roman and Virgil had both hesitantly agreed and committed to still going 

This was where the chance to get to know Virgil better came in. The problem- Roman and Virgil has never really talked without the presence of Logan and Patton around, making the interaction extremely awkward. 

But it was a little too late to back out. 

Roman had spread out a blanket early on and sprawled across it. Virgil met up with him a few minutes later, hands fiddling with the short leash on Trixie. He had joined Roman on the blanket, but had elected to sit in the furthest corner away from him. Virgil then had Trixie lie down next to him, and she settled her head in his lap. 

If Virgil wasn’t such a grouch, Roman might call it adorable. 

So there the two of them were, awkwardly on the same blanket waiting for the movie to start. (Which was looking to be awhile because at first the projector had been too low and then it had a weird tilt and then for some reason the image was flipped upside down and now it didn’t seem to be working at all and they were trying to fix it). 

Around them, people chatted to pass the time. Virgil and Roman seemed to be outliers, instead giving each other awkward looks and refusing to talk. Roman decided to make an attempt and go with the less creepy version of the ‘adorable’ thought. 

“Trixie’s really cute,” he mentioned. 

Virgil’s head jerked up to him, as if completely caught off guard by Roman talking to him. 

Come on, it couldn’t be that weird that Roman was instigating conversation between them, right? Roman had started a conversation between the two of them before, hadn’t he?

(He couldn’t remember a single time he had).

“Oh,” Virgil said with a smile, as he looked down at his dog. He petted her a few times and she thumped her tail on the ground. “Yeah, she is pretty cute isn’t she?”

Roman hummed and wondered where to go from there. 

Luckily, he didn’t have to figure it out, because Virgil was doing that for him. 

“Y’know, she has this one spot on her- Here, just come here for a second, yeah?” 

Bits of curious confusion stumbled through Roman’s brain, but he shrugged and did as requested. 

Virgil said the word, “Break,” and Trixie’s entire demeanor changed. She didn’t actually do anything different- besides roll onto her side at Virgil’s instruction- but she seemed completely changed. Roman had never seen her seem so much like, well, like a dog before. Which was weird considering she was a dog, but that was the best way he could describe her demeanor in that moment.

“Hand?” Vigil requested, holding his own out. 

Roman shrugged, but dropped his hand onto Virgil’s. He noted that the other boys was surprisingly warm. Roman thought he would of ran cold. It just seemed like a Virgil thing. Guess he was wrong. 

Virgil placed his hand on Trixie’s lower belly before moving it quickly from side to side, effectively petting Trixie with Roman’s hand. 

Instantly, the dog’s hind leg came up to shake and thump, as if scratching herself in mid air. 

A surprised laugh escaped Roman and a grin raced across his mouth. Virgil offered his own smile in return. He removed his own hand, and let Roman continue to let her by himself. He continued to do so with dedication, attention completely focused on the dog’s leg. 

A minute later, and the abnormal movement stopped. 

Roman frowned, admittedly disappointed. Virgil just laughed, rolled his eyes, and moved Roman’s hand slightly, before nodding for him to continue. 

Roman did so, and was excited to see Trixie’s behavior return. 

When Roman finally got bored, he stopped petting the pup quite as rigorously and moved to give her long stroking pets instead. Her tongue hung out of her mouth and she twisted a bit to move more into her back, her legs suspended in midair. 

Virgil rolled eyes at the behavior. 

“Yeah, you like that don’t you girl? Yeah, you do. Roman spoils you, huh? Spoils you with all the belly rubs?” he teased her.

Trixie made a little huffing noise and closed her eyes in pure bliss. Virgil laughed. Roman found the sound surprising and nice. Separate adjectives. Not surprisingly nice, surprising and nice. In fact, Roman would have bet money on Virgil’s laugh being adorable. 

He blushed and continued to pet Trixie. He accidentally hit the same spot on her lower belly, causing her to kick her hind leg a few times again. 

“Yeah, she’s done that since she was a pup. Dolly would do it on occasion, but she wasn’t quite as sensitive or really ever had like, a specific place that would get her to do that. Trix has always had that one spot.”

As Virgil explained, an expression Roman hadn’t seen crossed his face. His smile was sweeter than normal and his voice was soft and fond. 

Roman had never seen Virgil nostalgic before. He thought that was maybe what this was. 

“Dolly?” he questioned, because he hadn’t recognized that name. 

“Yeah, Dolly was my first service dog.”

“You had a service dog before Trixie?” Roman asked, a fair amount of shock coating his words. 

He didn’t know why he was shocked. He had thought- well Roman hadn’t known what he had thought. Roman knew Virgil was different. He was pretty sure that Trixie wasn’t for any sort of physical disability or illness or something, which meant that Trixie had to be for something mental. 

Roman also knew that service dogs were a pretty serious thing. He knew that. At the same time, he hadn’t ever really taken the time to consider that Virgil having Trixie probably meant something fairly serious. Again, Roman had known something was different about Virgil, but he had also kinda expected- he didn’t even know- Virgil to change or something? To move on? Roman hadn’t really considered that whatever was going on with Virgil would potentially be a lifelong thing. The mention of another service dog made a lot of things click into place. 

Roman should not of needed evidence to realize any of this. He should not of needed proof of longer support through a previous service dog. He should not have expected Virgil to change or move on. But he hadn’t known, hadn’t realized. But he knew now. He could respect that. He could change his behavior (again, because Roman could never seem to get it right because he really was that much of an absolute failure at this whole thing and sure he was trying but did that even matter if it didn’t change anything?)

“Yeah,” Virgil said, “Yeah Dolly was actually my first service dog. She uh- she actually just passed away a few months ago.”

“Oh,” Roman said. His hand stilled on Trixie. “Uh, sorry.”

Virgil shrugged and curled in on himself.

“Is what it is,” he offered. His voice was toneless and the sentence dry. Roman felt like he should offer something here. He just wasn’t really sure what.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Virgil sighed and a hand gripping the sleeve of his hoodie came up to wipe at his eyes.

“No,” Virgil said, “No. It’s okay. I’ve- I’ve like, come to terms with it. It’s not a big deal anymore. It’s just… It just makes me sad sometimes.”

“I think I get that,” Roman validated, “My mom- well she was already sick, but she died giving birth to me. I never knew her, y’know? But every once and awhile, I just get, sad about it.”

Virgil nodded in what was probably agreement or understanding.

He opened his mouth to say something more, but just then, there was a loud whoop from the crowd. Both Roman and Virgil’s heads shot up, and they caught sight of the opening credits on the large white screen the school was projecting the movie onto. They got the projector fixed then. Good.

With that, the music started to blare, and Roman and Virgil settled in to watch.

It was about an hour in that Roman had to pee. He got up, and turned to leave, before catching sight of Virgil’s face.

The other boy- who had taken to cuddling with his dog just moments ago- was now half sitting up and gazing after Roman, mouth slightly open.

“Just headed to the bathroom,” Roman remarked.

Virgil hesitated. Trixie shifted slightly, settling her head on one of Virgil’s legs. His gaze moved towards her, before looking back up at Roman.

“Okay,” Virgil said, “See you in a minute.”

Roman nodded and turned to leave, expecting to do exactly that.

He did not see Virgil in a minute, because just as he was headed back across the lawn to rejoin Virgil after using the restroom, he ran into a guy, quite literally. 

The guy stumbled a few steps before catching his balance. Roman apologized, half holding a hand out in some attempt at help. The guy’s gaze dropped to it, and seemed to note the rainbow bracelet Roman wore on his wrist.

“It’s alright sweetheart,” the guy slurred a little, and Roman was immediately put off.

The man was obviously more than a little buzzed, which made Roman a bit uneasy in the first place. The second issue was the way that the guy had started eyeing him. Roman wasn’t one to mind being checked out, but something about how this guy did it was just off and made Roman’s skin crawl.

“Hi,” Roman said, voice curt, “Sorry, you’ll have to excuse me, I’m trying to get back to my friend.”

The guy laughed and Roman’s body started to feel a little heavier than normal.

“Noooo,” he whined, “Don’t worry about your friend right now. You’ve got me! And I can be quite good company, if you know what I mean.” He threw in a wink that sent Roman’s stomach rolling.

“Sorry,” Roman insisted, “I really do need to be going.” He turned away, knowing that staying in this situation any longer wouldn’t do him any good.

“Hey!” the guy shouted, and then Roman felt a hand grasping his wrist.

Roman had always been a flirt, he would admit that freely. He enjoyed it, but he also only enjoyed it when it was consensual. Usually that meant that Roman- as the flirtee- would need to make sure that the guy he was flirting with was comfortable with said flirting.

In this case, the tables were turned, and this guy certainly didn’t seem to care about Roman’s comfort levels or consent. This wasn’t flirting or showing interest. This was being inappropriate, and creepy, and borderline dangerous.

“Please let me go.”

His voice came out as a whisper, and he was- quite frankly- disappointed in himself, even if he wasn’t the one that should be feeling any shame in that moment.

“C’mon, at least tell me your name, pretty thing. Don’t I deserve that at the very least?” the guy asked. His gaze was unfocused, but stiff as steel, and it was then Roman regret not taking a single self-defense course in his life. The man might have been drunk, but he had a firm grip on Roman’s wrist, and he was much bigger and stronger than Roman. Roman was tall but had never been extremely athletic. He had never regretted it until now.

“Come on, honey,” the stranger cooed, “Your name?”

Roman didn’t know what to do.

“Let go of him,” a new voice demanded, stepping into the fray. Roman blinked a few times because- because it was Virgil.

“No need to worry,” the creeper purred, turning his attention to Virgil, “Everything’s fine here, right darling?” He shot an expectant gaze towards Roman.

“Let go of me,” Roman insisted once more.

The man didn’t.

“You heard him,” Virgil said.

“And if I don’t?” The guy asked, sizing Virgil up. If Roman was smaller than this guy, than Virgil was tiny compared to them; this guy would overpower him in a heartbeat. The guy seemed to know it as well because his grip didn’t loosen and his smile refused to drop.

“You don’t want to find out,” Virgil threatened.

The guy then had the gall to laugh, which was the exact moment numerous things happen.

With the lack of focus on him, Roman was able to twist away from the man and free his arm. At almost the exact same time, Virgil planted himself firmly between Roman and the stranger and threw a well-aimed punch, setting him stumbling back a few paces in surprise. As he did so, Virgil yelled one singular word as loud as he could.

“FIRE!” he screeched.

Everyone turned to look their way, muttering voices looking for the danger. The man, who had recovered from Virgil’s shove, stopped in his pursuit back towards him as over a hundred eyes turned to stare at them. He scowled and stalked away. People also started to glance away, now eased by the knowledge that was definitely no fire. Roman wasn’t even sure if any of them had noticed what had happened.

Speaking of…

“Hey, uh, thanks,” Roman offered, turning back towards Virgil.

Virgil nodded, and Roman realized he was shaking. It was then he realized he was also shaking. 

After what seemed to be only a moment later, they were back in Roman’s dorm. Roman knew it had to have been more than a moment but the only thing he could remember was Virgil and him looking at each other and now he was opening his door with his key.

The instant it opened, the two of them plus dog stumbled inside. Roman fell onto his bed, Virgil at his desk.

Roman couldn’t believe what just happened. What had happened? What was going on?

(He was still shaking).

He took a breath, and everything started to fit back into place. He took another and the world slid back into focus. He took a third and he was okay.

He was okay. He was going to be okay.

Thanks to Virgil.

Roman looked up, planning to thank him again now that the situation had calmed down exponentially and Roman wasn’t freaking out quite as much anymore, the adrenaline fading away. He expected Virgil to be in about the same mental state as he was in, but when he caught a glance of him, it was very clear that he was not.

Virgil was crying. Loud, ugly, wheezing, thick crying. Tears and snot and fluids covering his face. Trixie was draped across his lap in his seated position. He didn’t seem to notice her and then he began to scream. Loudly.

Roman winced and fought the urge to cover his ears. He was loud.

Virgil was screaming and crying and he was huddled in on himself and Trixie was trying to stay on top of him but it was hard when Virgil was curling up into a ball. 

Roman didn’t know what to do. 

He never knew what to do. 

“Virgil,” he called cautiously.

The boy didn’t respond. He wasn’t quite screaming anymore, but he was loudly begging. For what Roman couldn’t quite be sure because Virgil kept cutting himself off and slurring his words and talking over himself. 

Roman knew a pleading tone when he heard one. This went a step further. 

Roman hesitated, before getting up and took a step forward, trying to be of some assistance. 

Virgil flinched backward violently and Trixie stepped in between them. Virgil also stopped his pleading and turned instead to apologizing. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the boy whimpered, “I’ll do better. I promise! Just please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry.”

Roman’s heart thudded because those words suggested things he wasn’t quite ready for. He took a step back, hoping that would help. 

It didn’t. Virgil continued to apologize. His volume did lower, but Roman had no idea if that was a good thing or not. 

Trixie returned to his side and tried to nuzzle apart his hands that had been gripping onto his opposite upper arms. 

Roman didn’t know what to do, but trying to help didn’t work, so he decided to wait it out. (Virgil would be okay in a little bit, right? He had to be. Because if he wasn’t, well Roman wasn’t sure what to do next. Should he call someone? A doctor? 911?)

He should call someone, he realized, and he knew who to call as well. 

The phone rang twice before a familiar voice picked up. 

“Roman. Why are you calling?”

“Hey Specs, so Emo Nightmare’s freaking out and I don’t know what the hell to do,” he blurted out instantly. 

If anyone would have a solution, it would have to be Logan, right?

“Okay,” he replied, “What do you mean by freaking out? Also, if you don’t know what to do, you should probably learn.”

“I am trying to learn,” Roman insisted. He ignored the rest of Logan’s words, working on the second half first because that was the part that had stung some place deep inside of him, so it was the part he was going to focus on, “That’s why I called you. I thought you would know what to do.”

“I know you’re trying. I wasn’t suggest that you weren’t, and I apologize if that’s how it came off as. That was not my intention Roman.”

Roman shifted, cast a gaze back at Virgil who was still giving pleading apologies. 

“Thanks,” he muttered. 

“I can try to help. What’s going on?”

“He’s- he’s. I don’t even know. He’s not looking at me and doesn’t seem to even realize I’m here. He’s curled up in a corner and apologizing and asking to not be hurt. I tried approaching him but that made it worse.”

“Is Trixie with him?”

“Yeah?”

“What is she doing?”

“Uh, at first she tried to like, sorta jump and lay on top of him? And then when I tried to approach him she stood in front of him. I backed away and she went back to him and was nudging his arms. He’s curled up, so she can’t lay on him anymore, but she is pawing and nudging him.”

“Okay. I think Virgil’s having a flashback.”

“A flashback?”

“Yes- a flashback is a disturbing immersive memory that can cause extreme panic while seeming completely real and current to the person experiencing it,” Logan rattled off. 

“No, no, Logan I know what a flashback is I just don’t know why Virgil is having one.”

“Well they can happen to anyone that experiences a distressing enough experience, but is often common in those who have dealt with intense trauma or have PTSD.”

“Yeah but Virgil hasn’t- I mean, Virgil?”

“I couldn’t tell you which category Virgil falls into, but I probably could form an educated guess, though that is not important right now. The important thing is that he is having a flashback.”

Which he still was. Roman was expecting this whole phone conversation to much quicker and for this situation to be much easier. 

“Okay so what do I do?”

“Was there a triggering incident?”

“A what?” Roman asked. 

“A triggering incident,” Logan repeated, “Something that may have been a catalyst for Virgil’s current state.”

“Uh, I mean yeah,” Roman said. Because they clearly had been. A guy had gotten handsy and aggressive with Roman in a situation that implied- 

Holy shit had Virgil been in a situation like that before? Was that why he was freaking out? Had Virgil been- had Virgil been assaulted before? Had he been sexually abused? Raped?

More and more suggestions filled Roman’s head, each one as unpleasant as the last.

It would explain his fear and apologies. It would also explain why he freaked out when Roman got closer. It explained the dog at his side. It explained almost everything.

“Okay, well if you can identify the trigger, you need to remove it if it hasn’t already been removed. From there you need to approach the flashback with that trigger in mind. Try to avoid triggering Virgil again. That can help stop the progression of the flashback. To actually help soothe or stop the flashback, Virgil will need to be grounded in reality. Grounding techniques like reminders of the present and breathing exercises can help immensely. I can send you a few things, give me a minute.”

Roman held his breath. 

Virgil continued to cry and apologize and how long had he been doing that now? It had to have been a long time now. Jeez, what had Virgil been through?

Roman’s phone buzzed a second later. He pulled it away from his ear and looked down to see a text from Logan. He pressed the phone back to his ear and promised to check it in a minute. 

“I suggest starting with one of those. If it doesn’t help, or if you feel like you need more assistance, call me back. I can come over if you need me to. I also sent over crisis lines if things get worse for any reason. In most cases I would recommended calling one of those lines before calling the police or similar services. The police can be- well they aren’t exactly trained in this area and might not be able to help Virgil. Plus, they make assumptions, and Roman you are a Muslim man with a white-passing guy panicking in your dorm room.”

“Yeah got it, no police. But, uh what do you mean if things get worse?”

“If things get too much for you to handle. If Virgil severely injures himself. If he passes out and doesn’t immediately regain consciousness. If he gets violent due to a perceived threat. If you at any point feel threatened or that harm could come to you. If things get unsafe, then you need to call one of the lines, okay? Some have different purposes, read what they’re for.”

“Okay,” Roman agreed, “Okay. I’m gonna try and help Virgil now.”

“Sounds good,” Logan said. 

“Okay, okay bye.”

“Bye, Roman.”

“...Thanks.”

“You are welcome.”

The line went dead. 

Roman sighed, and checked the massive text Logan had sent, scrolling through it. 

Virgil let out a loud gasp and continued to cry in the corner. The muttering has gone down somewhat but he still seemed largely unaware of his surroundings. 

Roman clicked one of the links that looked promising. Here went nothing. 

“Uh, Virgil?” he said. 

The boy looked towards him for a second before glancing back towards the floor, eyes distant and chest heaving. But it was recognition, which was more than Roman had gotten so far. 

“Hey uh, can you do me a favor? I think, I think it might help you.”

Virgil’s mouth moved. At first Roman thought it was a response to his question, but then he realized that the boy had just taken to muttering his apologies under his breath instead of out loud. 

“Uh,” Roman said. Should he still do it? Roman was sure if Virgil would be able to do it considering it didn’t really seem exactly here. But Roman had to try something. “Uh,” he repeated, “Uh can you, Virgil can you name five- is it five?” He checked his phone. “Yeah five things you see?”

What was this bullshit? Five things Virgil saw? How was that supposed to help. Especially when he seemed to not even be aware of where he was or what he was doing. Who came up with this shit?

“Floor,” a voice mumbled, “Dog… Bed. Desk… Person.”

Roman blinked. That was five things. Virgil had just listed five things. Was this working?

“Uh, four things you can touch?” Roman asked, after reviewing the article on his phone. 

“Jacket,” Virgil started. He shifted his hand, letting it fall onto Trixie. “Trixie.” He let his hand travel further down her back. “Trixie’s vest.” He reached up to touch his own face. “Tears.”

It was working. Virgil still didn’t seem well and he was still crying, but it was a definite step forward from whimpering like a wounded animal. Roman couldn’t believe that this was working.

“Yeah. Uh that’s really good Virgil. Three things, three things you can hear?”

Virgil completed the next task, and together they worked their way down to one. When they did reach one, Virgil’s eyes were much more clear. 

“Welcome back,” Roman offered. 

For the first time since all of this had begun, Virgil met Roman’s eyes. His face instantly dropped. 

“Are you okay?” Virgil’s voice was desperate and demanding. 

“Am I okay?” Roman asked incredulously, “What about you?”

“I’m fine,” Virgil insisted, “but uh- I only got there after he grabbed you. Are you- Roman I- Did- Are you okay?”

“Nothing happened,” Roman was quick to confirm, even as his heart thudded harshly is his chest, “I’m fine.” (Something could of happened, he realized, it could have been way worse, and that was a frankly terrifying thought).

Virgil frowned, not believing the rather obvious lie. Which Roman thought was totally unfair because Virgil had said he was fine and Roman was letting him get away with it. 

“Roman- You- It’s okay to not be fine after something like that. Even if nothing happened.”

“I was roofied last year,” Roman blurted out, “Theater party. And well,” Roman pointed to himself, “Muslim. Drinking is haram. I don’t do it. So I noticed pretty quick. I- Uh- well I told a friend and he took me home and called my parents. They were out of town so he then also stayed with me the entire time. To make sure I was okay and safe. But things could have been a lot worse. Things tonight could of been a lot worse.”

Virgil nodded, showing zero signs of disagreement. Roman hadn’t been expecting Virgil to disagree, but in a selfish way Roman wished he would have. Because maybe if Virgil told him nothing would have happened and he would have been fine Roman would start to believe it himself. 

“Are you okay? Actually?” Roman asked. If Virgil wasn’t going to deal with Roman’s bullshit answer, Roman wasn’t going to accept Virgil’s. 

“I will be,” Virgil promised. He hesitates and shoving his hands into his dog’s fur, gripping it softly. “I- I have PTSD. So I- I uh, get flashbacks once in a while and stuff.”

“Oh.”

“Uh yeah,” Virgil said. He then stood, hands tightly gripping the short leash that was attached to Trixie’s vest. “It’s uh late. I should- I should probably go.” Virgil shifted from foot to foot and cast his gaze down. 

At the thought of Virgil leaving, Roman’s heart twisted into a knot. From fear, Roman realized. He was afraid. He was afraid to be alone. 

Something must have shown on his face, as Virgil spoke back up. 

“Or- Uh- I, if you really want I could stay?” He offered. 

Roman wasn’t sure why he offered, considering Virgil very obviously did not want to stay. He was probably just being polite. 

“No no, I’m fine,” Roman promised, because he wasn’t about to make Virgil do something for him that he didn’t want to do. He wouldn’t waste Virgil’s time an energy like that, especially when Virgil had already done so much for him. “Go back to your dorm. I’ll be fine.”

Virgil hesitated. 

“I’m serious,” Roman insisted, “go.”

Virgil hesitated once more, but nodded and left. Roman hadn’t expected any different. Roman didn’t expect Virgil to actually care about him. They weren’t even friends yet, even If Roman was trying.

Roman didn’t sleep that night. 

~

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[nikokova]

Changes: Chapter 4

Hey everyone, it's me Nesa! I don't really know what to put in these intros anymore so I’ll just remind you that my asks are open for any questions about the story! I’m also trying the keep reading thingy this time because I’m actually on a computer for once, so let's all hope nothing glitches

BIG SHOUT OUT to @black-out-wonder for being my beta reader! I love and appreciate them so much<3 They also write, so you should go and check out their writing masterpost!

Prologue Previous

Summary: Logan Summers: One friend, a 4.0, and a huge secret. He wouldn’t have it any other way. Virgil Mathews: barely surviving high school, let alone possibly being moved away from his one and only friend just so he gets to experience what its like to “Have a family”. Patton Pennington: can’t remember having a friend in real life, hopes that his parents taking in a foster kid can change things for him. Roman Royal: Arguably the most popular boy in school, but when he hears that the high schools are merging next year, will he be able to mend his checkered past?

Pairings: Slow-burn Analogical and Royality

Warnings: Nightmare, anxiety, invading personal space, mention of past bullying, negative thoughts, food, an almost swear, alcohol mention, drunk person, child abuse, mental abuse, mention of physical abuse, bad writing, tell me if I missed any!

THIS IS A VERY HEAVY CHAPTER, PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS

Word count: 1959

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***

It had only been two weeks that Virgil had been staying at the Pennington’s. But he felt right at home. The adults always asked before touching him and seemed to know when Virgil’s anxiety was becoming too stressful for him. They also bought chocolate milk, somehow knowing it was his weakness. The caseworker probably ratted him out.

It wasn’t a bad idea though, and after a couple days he started to feel more comfortable just living there. Of course, he still had the habit of asking if he could get something to eat or drink even though they would remind him every time that he didn’t have to. He was mostly just glad that they were patient and knew not to cross any of his boundaries.

The only person not so good at telling where his lines were drawn was Patton. It wasn’t that he didn’t try, he just got very excited and that lead to him tackling Virgil into a hug. Which gave Virgil a panic attack once, and Patton wouldn't stop apologizing for the rest of the day. Even after Virgil said it wasn’t a problem. Virgil actually enjoyed the hugs, he hadn’t really gotten any before. And he sort of wondered how Patton would react to that information.

Patton seemed to be happy almost all of the time, but Virgil knew it was just a front. He saw the moments when Patton’s eyes were glazed over as he stared at the wall. Virgil wanted to know what he was thinking about in those moments. What was making him sad? Honestly, Virgil had no idea why he seemed to have gotten so close to Patton so fast. He was almost the complete opposite of Logan, but maybe Virgil just needed a friend like that right now. One that might not be able to push all of his fears away with logic. But one that could feel with him and make him feel less alone. Maybe Virgil really did need a brother.

***

A scream pulled Virgil out of his dream with a jolt. Without thinking he jumped out of bed and opened the door to his room. He knew the scream had come from Patton, so he made it to Patton's room and slowly pushed the door open. The red-haired boy was curled together, his face in between his knees with his hands in his messy hair. His body was shaking, and Virgil couldn't tell if it was because of the sobs tearing from Patton's throat.

“Hey, Pat.” He hushed quietly, he slowly approached the bed that sat in the center of the back wall. “It’s ok, I’m here.”

“I d-didn’t do anything to him!” Patton gushed, rocking back and forth. Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil could see Ryan poke his head out of the parent's door. They nodded to each other and Ryan went back into their room. Virgil realized that it wasn’t the first time this happened…

“Of course you didn’t do anything, Pat.” Virgil hummed. He slowly set a hand on Patton's and started to untangle his hands from his hair.

“Th-then why does he hate me?” Patton asked, pulling his hands from his hair and turning his face to Virgil.

“Who hates you?” Virgil's eyebrows furrowed as he began rubbing Patton's back.

“Roman..”

“Royal?” Virgil asked, how would Roman and Patton know each other? Roman had been in Virgil's classes since middle school. But Patton nodded. “How do you guys even know each other?”

“Uh, we went to elementary together.” Patton sniffled, “He was always so mean to me, I don't know what I did though.”

“Probably because you didn’t do anything,” Virgil growled, trying to keep his voice calm for Patton. Whatever Roman did to Patton was unforgivable. Especially if Patton was still this upset about it after all this time. Roman had always seemed nice and had occasionally gone out of his way to help other people. It was a shock to hear what Patton was saying.

“Then why was he so mean?” Tears threatened Patton's dark eyes once again.

“Well, I don't know Pat. Sometimes people hate themselves, so they take it out on others. It’s not fair, but it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault that he treated you that way. You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s actions.” Virgil said softly, Patton let out a long breath and stretched his arms a little.

“Sorry for having a breakdown. Sometimes I just have nightmares about what happened.” He gave Virgil a smile. He was retracting back to his happy self. Virgil decided he would investigate further later on, so he could properly gauge how hard he was going to punch Roman. “Will you, uh, will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.” Virgil smiled and moved off the bed so that Patton could lay down. Once Patton was comfortable, Virgil sat down next to him.

“This is weird, but can you talk? Just like a story or something. Maybe a story of you and Logan!” Patton begged, Virgil rolled his eyes but nodded.

“Alright, so the first time we met he almost walked right into a pillar…”

***

“Boys, breakfast!” Cathy called, causing Virgil to jump and stab himself in the eye with his eyeshadow brush.

“Fu-crap!” He cut himself off. Cutting off his swears had become a habit since moving in. It seemed like Patton could hear him from any room and would tell him to watch his language. Not that Patton really had any room to talk. He sure was a sight late at night during a horror movie. He could scare off sailors.

Quickly he wiped the water from his eyes and finished applying his eyeshadow before stuffing his makeup into his bag and shoving it under his bed. He could hear Patton's door open and the steps skip down the hall. As usual, they stopped in front of Virgil's door. It was almost like clockwork. Around nine every morning they would get called down for breakfast by Patton's mom. Patton wouldn’t go downstairs without Virgil, and part of him was appreciative of this. It meant that when Patton's dads didn’t have to work, he didn’t come down to an already full table alone.

“You coming Kiddo?” Patton asked, the creak of the wood told Virgil he was shifting his weight.

“Yeah, one sec.” He made sure to brush off his clothes before opening the door.

“It smells like pancakes, think that's what she made?” Patton guessed,

“Probably,” Virgil shrugged.

Cathy was setting the table with pancakes as the boys walked into the dining room. Virgil eyed the chocolate milk and took his usual seat next to Patton.

“When are you going to work?” Patton asked, his mom had a wacky work schedule due to her being a waitress. Some days she didn’t go to work until eight PM and got back at two AM

“My shift starts at two today,”

“Pa’s teaching summer school?”

“Yep, and Tom is at work as well,” His mom responded, “I was thinking that you guys could walk to the library,” she added, pouring syrup over her plate.

“You can walk there from here?!” Virgil exploded, dropping his fork to his plate. His face felt ten degrees warmer when the others laughed.

“Yeah, you didn’t notice how short the drive was here?” Cathy asked,

“Well, not really. I was sort of panicking so it seemed really long.” Virgil shrunk into his jacket and a twinge of guilt appeared on Cathy's face.

“Well, you boys can walk up there if you want. Maybe your friend will be there Virgil. I mean, I don't want to push into your business. But if meeting up with this boy is what you enjoy, I wouldn't mind it. Ryan and Tim wouldn't mind either.” She explained, “The only day you can’t go is Saturday. As you know that's sort of our family day.”

“Th-that would be really nice. Thanks.” Virgil muttered, staring down at the food on his plate.

“You really like this guy, huh?” Patton nudged Virgil's shoulder with a mischievous smirk.

“Sh-Shut up!”

***

It was two weeks ago when his best friend had moved away, and he wasn't sure how it made him feel. Usually, Logan could pride himself on being devoid of emotions just like she wanted. Now, however, he was definitely feeling an emotion, even though he couldn't place which one it was. His chest ached, and he almost felt nauseous when thinking that he might never see Virgil again.

Whatever the emotion was it was illogical, and disrupting the time he had to study. Since Virgil had left, the amount of time he had left over to study now took up most of his day. The only day he did go to the library now was on Saturdays. Saturday just seemed to be the appropriate day to take a break from his endless studying. The whole first week after Virgil left, Logan continued to go to the library in hopes that his friend would be there. He found that being at the library alone did feel, quite lonely. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling to the nerd. He knew that he felt it often when his father was gone to work. Usually, he had Virgil to wipe the feeling away, but now he really didn’t have anybody.

“LOGAN!” A voice screeched, he recognized it as his mother. Most likely having drunk more than she should have. Not that it was something new, but he couldn’t stop the sudden increase of his heartbeat. His body started to shake, but he forced himself up from his desk. Too fast, pencils clattered to the hardwood floor. Should he pick them up? Or go to his her, he really didn’t want to go to his mom. What would she want from him? He had already made sure that the house was spotless. Perhaps something had occurred at work that upset her.

A door slamming open caused him to jump, and his head jerked violently towards his door. His mother's thin body was supported by the doorframe as her ice eyes stared him down. A sudden lump in his throat appeared as he tried to think of what to tell her.

“I called you,” she hissed, “why didn’t you respond?”

“I-I was, on my way.” He choked out,

“Oh?” The dark haired woman warned. “For 5 minutes?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take so long. I’m sorry.” The words fell out of his mouth. He felt like an idiot. He couldn't even speak properly. No wonder she hated him.

“You’re so ungrateful you know that? Your dad and I work tirelessly just to support you, and you can’t even simply respond to me?” Her lanky body made its way over to where Logan stood in the middle of the room. “You're so worthless. God, I wish I had never given birth to you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Whatever. Just go make dinner. I’m starving.” His mother then left the room, leaning more to one side than the other. Part of Logan wished she would fall down the stairs.

‘Wait, don’t think like that. She didn’t hit you this time. It would be rude to wish that. Don’t be illogical Logan.’

Thoughts spun around his head as heat came to his eyes.

‘Stop. stop. Stop. You're being stupid. Go do what she wants before you have to use the foundation you hide in that drawer.’ he told himself,

After a minute he was able to pull himself together enough to leave his room and hide away in the kitchen.

‘Today was a good day. Today was a good day. It could've been worse. Just don’t mess up, and everything will be fine.’

***

There is gonna be Roman angst in the next chapter. So. Stay tuned for that<3

[gguksgalaxy]

Hot Chocolate Kisses pt. 2

Masterpost <– Part 1 | Part 3 –>

Genre: Fluff/Angst Pairing: Jongdae x Reader Wordcount: 2869 Warnings: Family issues, Injuries, depressive behaviour sort of…. Notes for update: 25 A/N: After saying good bye to Little Big Secret, I’m saying hi to this series again. I hope you guys enjoy, like, comment, send me a message <3

Jongdae pov

It had been all over the news, for about a month or so. Now four months after the incident at the Olympic pre rounds, your family had given away the information about your condition. How it exactly happened, he wasn’t sure. You were in a spin, and you had somehow fallen, or Jongin had dropped you, and you had landed on his skate. There was a tendon severed in your leg, and the muscle in your upper leg was damaged terribly. Your family had said there was no chance you’d ever skate again, your fate was sealed. He had felt his heart clench at the news, to never be able to see you skate again. But what had made him more aggravated was what your father had said after that. That Jongin was perusing a solo career and managed to get placed for the solo competition at the Olympics. It had made him feel angry because this was about you, their daughter was injured and probably going to walk around with the injury for the rest of your life. And all he could talk about was his son who managed to do what you wanted to do too. 

He hadn’t seen you at the cafe at all, for the past four months. Not that he could blame you, you probably didn’t want to face the place where all your lost dreams were. Jongin was here though, still following the same schedule every day, just without you. His exams were over now, and he had a two weeks off, meaning he was going to work some more. After working at the cafe for 8 years now, and being 24 years old, his boss thought it would be okay if he was on his own for 5 days with his coworkers to run the place. His boss did deserve a holiday. “Sehun!” he called into the kitchen where the younger was cleaning. “Are you almost finished?” “Yah! I’m just finishing up!” Jongdae was done cleaning the tables and counters and went to check on him. Sehun had been working here for 3 years now, and he was good at what he did. But he sucked at cooking, any food he touched went to shit. So he mostly served and did dishes. Kyungsoo, their other coworker was better with food but not as good with customers. Jongdae was all round after the years, but he preferred serving. And then there was Luhan who was fairly new to the job, but generally good at everything. But Luhan was Chinese, transfer student. Where his Korean was good, he did sometimes experience a bit of a language barrier taking orders.   Sehun was tall, and skinny, broad shoulders. He was one of the speed skaters, but he wasn’t at the level of going to the Olympics. However, he managed to win his fair share of competitions. “You can leave if you’re done, I’ll close up.” Jongdae said, drying his hands on a towel. Sehun nodded. “I’ll see you on friday?” “Yeah, see you then!” The tall boy put on his jacket and took his bag to leave, waving once before he left through the back door. Jongdae went back to check on the cafe and see if he properly locked the doors. He was surprised to find the lights in the rink on. Was it Jongin? It was almost midnight he shouldn’t be there right now. Not that it wasn’t allowed, but his schedule was usually pretty tight, and it didn’t involve midnight skating sessions. He walked over to the large windows which overlooked the rink. And he didn’t really see anything so he unlocked the doors that lead there to go and turn of the light. It might just be the someone who forgot something and didn’t turn them off. There was bit of wariness in his step as he went down the stairs between the seats. Holding his phone in his hands in case someone was trying to break in. That’s when he saw you. He gasped and wanted to call out, but stopped himself. You were on crutches, wearing baggy sweatpants and a hoodie. With wide eyes he watched you struggle over to the rink. There was a clumsiness in your movement that was so unusual for you. The crutches seemed too big for your small frame. You put them against the side, and Jongdae found himself slowly moving down the stairs to where you were. He watched you closely as you stood on one leg and pushed open the door into the rink. But you stumbled and found yourself falling towards the ice, catching onto the door and hanging, trying to get back up and slipping over the ice that you were now on. “Hold on!” Jongdae called, running over to you. He reached you and grabbed your arm, pulling you back onto the floor. “Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?” he helped steady you, as you were on one leg. Your eyes were wide open and looking into his. Light brown meeting dark. “I-I’m fine.” Jongdae had an arm around your waist and helped you sit down on one of the seats. “You sure? Do you need anything?” You shook your head no. “What were you doing? You can’t just go onto the ice like this, you could’ve seriously hurt yourself.” He said, and he tried to make his voice sound soft and not harsh but he was so shocked that it came out a little rude. There was a bit of a sad smile on your lips. “I can’t really get more hurt than I am right? You can’t break what’s already broken.” He felt that one, deep in his gut. Why would you say that, you weren’t broken. “You shouldn’t say things like that.” It hurt to hear you say that, since he had a lot of respect for you. As a athlete and as a university student. You chuckled dryly and got up from the chair. “Don’t pity me, you don’t know me.” He watched you go, hopping on one foot and using the wall to get down and sit by the edge of the ice. Jongdae got up and follower you, leaning on the barrier and looking at the freshly smoothened ice shining in the light. Your voiced echoed a little in the empty hall but he didn’t really mind. “You’re right, I don’t know you. But I do know you’re not broken. You’re still here, breathing, talking, sort of walking. You’re not broken, you’re bruised.” You didn’t look up, but touched the ice with your fingers, gliding them over the smooth surface. “I’m not bruised, I’m scarred. I’ll be lucky to be able to walk again, but I will never skate.” “You don’t know that, all you can do is try your best.” There came no answer from you and he listened to the silence, watched you draw shapes onto the ice. Nothing in particular, just…shapes. He wondered how you really felt, something about you seemed…more angry than sad. But he wasn’t sure at what you were angry and he wanted to find out. Although you were right, he didn’t know you and he had no reason or right to be prying into your personal business. So he asked. “Do you miss it?” A deep sigh came from you but you still didn’t look up. “Promise you won’t tell anyone?” Suddenly you turned your head to look up at him, and there was something so sad in your eyes that he wanted to sit down beside you and hug you. Which he of course couldn’t do. He started to notice the cold, shivering in his thin long sleeved t-shirt, so he knelt down beside you and touched your shoulder. “Why don’t we get you something warm to drink upstairs, and we can talk there if you want to. Or I can drive you home. But it’s cold here and you’ll get sick.” It was the first time he saw you this up close, the little round tip of your nose, or the mole underneath your left eye. You were beautiful, normal. He wasn’t sure if he expected to find something special or flawless to you, but he always held you high above himself. And you were just another person like him, so ordinary like this. A small scar that made a line through your eyebrow, and the chewed down edges of your nails. “Okay.” You breathed. “Can you help me up?” He nodded and you held onto his shoulder as he got up. When you walked to the stairs with your crutches, he had a hand behind your back to catch you if you fell, but he wasn’t touching you. He wasn’t even sure if you noticed. “I need to lock the door to the lockers, the rest I locked behind me.” You held out the keys to him, and he took them, quickly running over to the door and locking it, turning off the lights at the rink. It was dark now but the lights from the cafe were enough to get up the stairs, but…you were on crutches and there was no elevator to the cafe. “Well, let’s do this.” You joked, and tried to pull yourself up with your crutches. “Stop,” he said, getting up behind you. “Hold the crutches.” “What?” you said, looking back a little shocked. He rolled his eyes and chuckled. “You’re not going up 40 steps with those things, you’re going to fall. Hold them” You frowned but still put your crutches in front of you. “Why?” “Is it okay if I carry you up, I don’t want you to fall.” He saw the light blush spread over your cheeks and felt that you were uncomfortable with it. “You don’t have to, we can walk to the elevator.” “I…Isn’t that weird?” “If you don’t think it is it won’t be. I just don’t want you to fall.” You were mumbling and looking down, blushing. “Okay? I think?” “I don’t mean to overstep any boundaries, if you don’t want to I-“ “No it’s okay, I guess. Otherwise we’d have to go all the way to the other side of the building, I’m not sure what’s more bothersome.” “Okay here hold your crutches in that hand, the other around my neck.” He positioned your arm, and hooked his other arm around you legs, swiftly lifting you up. You were a lot lighter, and skinnier than he had expected. He knew you were thin but, you practically weighed nothing to the point where he was a little worried. You were looking down, blushing more and didn’t dare look up at him. “Let’s go,” he said, going up the stairs swiftly, and putting you down at the top, carefully so. You looked at him, big eyes, wonder, and then a soft smile. “Thank you.” “Come.” He led you inside the cafe and locked the door behind you that seemed to scare you. “I’m not here to kidnap you, but I was closing off and I want to make sure I don’t forget to lock this.” There was something innocent about you, as you looked around the cafe and waited for him to follow and show you were he wanted to go. And he wondered if you had any friends, he’d seen you at university, changing from class to class. Although he’d never seen you with anybody in particular. Most of the time you were on your own at school, studying, walking, or skating with your brother or with your trainer and parents. “Do you want something to drink?” he asked, and walked behind the counter. You hopped aftervhim and marvelled at all the things you hadn’t seen before, even venturing to take a look into the kitchen. There you found packs of melting chocolate, and you studied them, suddenly speaking up. “I remember you, you know. You think I don’t know you, but I do. I think I was 12, when I first saw you. You were the boy drinking hot chocolate with his mother, and I wanted it too, but my mum wouldn’t let me.” He was astounded, lips parting. “I…I’m sorry your mom was so hard on you.” “It’s okay, it got me to where I am today.” “Do you want some?” “Huh?” He pointed at the bag of milk chocolate in your hand. “Hot chocolate, I can make you some.” “Ah, no, it’s late you should probably leave. Don’t you have school tomorrow?” she said shyly, pouting a lil and looking at the chocolate. Jongdae chuckled. “I have two weeks off, just like you do.” “Huh, you go to the same uni as me?” “You never saw me?” “Sorry no, but I’m always in a rush, trying to cram as much material as I can between classes. But I’ll keep a look out next time.” She smiled. He took the bag from her and opened it. “Here.” He took out one of the buttons and gave hyouer one, popping one is his mouth himself. You stared at it as if it was something weird. “You can eat that, it’s not poison.” “I just…I can’t even remember when I last had chocolate.” you bit of half and he saw you contemplate on the taste, but smile like a little kid, and eat the rest. “Thanks.” “You seriously never had chocolate?” he said in disbelief. “Oh I’m making you hot chocolate, you have to try.” You laughed out loud probably at how excited he was, and his smile matched yours. He decided he liked your laugh, it was loud and unrestrained. “I think I’ve had it when I was really little.” “Still, come on I’ll show you.” Jongdae said as he moved to the cabinets to find the pot they used for the chocolate milk. “This is not the exact way, but it’s the better way.” He grabbed milk from the fridge and measure two full mugs. “Do you want white, dark, or milk?” You pursed your lips and looked at the bags. “Surprise me.” “Okay, okay, milk it is. I have an idea.” He reached for another bag that was between the cookies and found fudge. “Now talk to me, about missing ice skating.” You watched him intently stirring the milk over the stove. “I…I shouldn’t be saying these things.” “It’s okay if you don’t miss it.” He said, and he was too quick, he actually didn’t mean to say that. “I do, but…I’m kind of glad that I can have rest now that my parents are focussing on Jongin. Peace.” You whispered the last bit, looking at him with sorrow and regret. He was surprised but also wasn’t. Maybe he should’ve expected your parents to be like that. To be harsh and demanding to you, controlling even. “Can you do something for me, the blue cup, measure a full one of the buttons and put it in the milk.” You were a little thrown off with his sudden request, but did it anyway. Using small hands to pry the bag open again and pour them in the cup, not eating a single one like he always does. “Just in there?” “Yep, just dump them.” He said, and you turned the cup over and let them fall. “Okay, here’s the spoon, you just stir åslowly.” When you hesitated he took your hand and guided it to the spoon, and he saw your blush still but chose to not say anything about it, it was definitely cute. You seemed innocent, really innocent. Unlike a lot of the girl she met at the university. He was sort of surprised with his own calmness, he’d looked up to you when he was little, and still did. And here you were with him, and he was acting like everything was normal. But you were normal, and he sensed that you wanted to be so. So he was just trying to treat you as such. “You don’t see Jongin much now?” He asked, as he started to chop up the fudge in tiny pieces, it was a quick job. “No…sadly. I’m mostly cooped up in my room, or in the training room with my rehabilitation trainer. He and my mum are all I see at the moment. And I only see her when I have a doctor’s appointment or when she’s home for dinner. I started making a habit of eating with our houseworkers to not be alone.” Jongdae scooped up the tiny bits of fudge with his hand and the knife and walked over to the pot, sliding them in. You were still stirring and the liquid was turning brown and had no flakes. “Just keep stirring.” “It’s not that I don’t love ice skating you know…i just wish…it hadn’t taken over my life like it had. Somehow when I was a kid I thought I could be normal and be the best ice skater. That being the best was my dream and that it was great. But it’s not…it sucks.” You sighed deeply and Jongdae watched tears well up in your eyes. “It really fucking sucks Jongdae.”

@oh-beyond @xingtrash @chenbootysoo @minniescutiehands @nunchiwrites @bootyfulohsehun @softyjihoon @thawingsnowwolf @saranghae-rapline @littlekatlizzy @xiubaek13 @kaori-yuki-chan @xlks-lbcc-dtks @sherbatchan @suholuv @melyyexo @yeollieollie @lolxiuminlol @wheredidmylifego-ohyeahbtsandexo @yixingsbeauty @raincoatweather @thetommo217 @notmybolo @yourseth @white-in-angel @dreesjedre7 @exosmutxoxo

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (29/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

Masterpost

Chapter Twenty Eight

Tony heard about it all later, after he was trying to calm down from having the picture of a dead boy shoved under his nose by an angry mother. All of it had taken him unawares and yet Tony felt the grief in her stare and her anger and the guilt settled over him the more he thought about it and the more that he realized her child could have been his. Peter was brilliantly smart and he could go anywhere or be anywhere and it might mean that one day he could be in danger for no other reason than because things just happened. This boy was dead and no one had been placed before a court of law or admitted any guilt. So, when hearing about Lagos in the immediate aftermath of having to face his own mistakes, Tony knew that something had to be done. He just didn’t know what.

Once, Tony had been presented with the problem that his company and the weapons they manufactured had made and he had made it better. This was a similar problem and Tony knew there had to be a solution. Steve had told him that he wouldn’t be able to stay away and he was right, because he needed to be a part of the solution.

The whole presentation at MIT had gone well aside from a few hiccups when the person in charge of the prompter hadn’t changed the introduction into Pepper’s bit which had made for an awkward pause before Tony could continue, unprompted.

At some point, he remembered telling Peter about the presentation at MIT and Peter had definitely been interested and Tony had wished that he could just whisk him away for things like this so he could be a part of it but he hadn’t been able to find an excuse to do so. He hoped that in the future he wouldn’t need to.

Giving all of those kids the funding they needed and just being able to be frank about his feelings when it came to the death of his parents had been nice because Tony just generally didn’t share that with anyone and yet it had seemed fitting to include it and truly show off the power that B.A.R.F had. It was also Tony’s way of letting the world see that it was helping him and that it was making a difference.

It was too bad that Tony didn’t get to enjoy any of the stuff after the presentation. Not only because of the picture shoved at him but because of Lagos. It meant that Tony had to excuse himself from a party and from a few other events going on at MIT. Instead of going back to his hotel room, Tony was back on the jet and on his way to New York. This was exactly the kind of thing that meant that whatever Hill was warning about would be in play.

Sure enough, by the time he was back in New York, there were stirrings of it on the news but even more so elsewhere and Tony was surprised that Hill and Fury hadn’t contacted him already. President Ellis was being pressured not just by U.S. Citizens but the world at large because The Avengers were seen as a threat -- a dangerous weapon that went unchecked, or at least that’s what they were calling Wanda.

It took merely two days for The Sokovia Accords to be finished and for a copy to land on his desk. The UN had been working on it for over six months, a result of everything that happened in Sokovia, but the events of Lagos made them dust it off and bring it all forward. It wasn’t public knowledge yet but the leaders of 117 countries stood behind it and Tony could see that it was no coincidence that it was rushed forward and yet he couldn’t fault them. He couldn’t fault them when such loss of life should have never happened.  

Tony spent the next few days reading over The Accords and he found that they made sense. Overview was what they needed. It was what the people wanted which meant that it was what needed to happen. He passed the document on to his team of lawyers and Pepper even though his mind was already made up and after they found nothing glaringly wrong with it, Tony signed on the dotted line and had it sent to the UN. After sending it in, he realized that not doing so would probably bring more problems than they needed. The Accords weren’t going to be optional.

“Although,” Pepper said through a video call, “I don’t know why you’re signing it at all. Aren’t you retired?”

Pepper was the first person that Tony was having direct contact with since he’d returned from MIT. There had been a few emails with Peter, sure, but Tony hadn’t even tried to get in contact with Steve even though he desperately wanted to talk to him.

“That isn’t exactly the point,” Tony said. “And I’m not really retired. I’ve tried it -- I don’t think it suits me. Pepper, I will always be available when Iron Man is needed and if I am needed then I need to work inside of the law. Not to mention that for this I think I’ll be needed and not just for the suit.”

“Steve’s not going to like it,” Pepper said.

Tony was well aware that he wasn’t going to like it. He had known Steve long enough to know where Steve might bring out his stubborn side. This would be a hard sale. Tony was aware of how the fall of Shield had affected Steve seeing as Steve had truly believed that Shield was doing some good. It had opened his eyes to how easily something could be corrupted.  

“And since when have you colored inside the lines?” Pepper asked. She was splitting her attention between him and something else but it didn’t matter because she was Pepper and probably the only person that could actually multi-task properly.

“Since I’ve realized that we pose as much a threat to humanity as the bad guys.”

“Wanda--”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have let her on the team. I don’t know -- but they’re calling for her arrest and they don’t want to see that she’s a person. They see her as a weapon of mass destruction just waiting to go off and if we don’t step up and find a way to fix this who knows what will happen.”

Not just to Wanda, either, to anyone that might be in opposition. He could tell that it could become a bigger and more gruesome problem. The Accords themselves weren’t even all that bad. It was all about respecting boundaries and working within some sort of rule of law and not whatever they thought was best. It would be almost like when they were a part of Shield and overlooked by Fury.

“What about Rhodey? Talk to him yet?” Pepper asked and tilted her head to the side.

“No. Rhodey already knows about it, I think, if he’s been in contact with any of his old friends lately. I don’t know about the rest of the team even if it’s all over the news.”

“You haven’t spoken to them?” Pepper asked, surprised.

“No,” Tony said and left it at that. He wanted to. He really did, except that they were all still in Lagos trying to help in the best way that they could and Tony couldn’t imagine telling them about The Accords over a phone call.

Tony also didn’t know if he could talk to Steve about it or anything else. It was just better to wait it out until they were back stateside and then he could do it in person. It was going to be any time now. Friday would alert him when they were on their way back.

“I thought you and Steve were better about the whole friendship thing,” Pepper said with a grin.

Tony had yet to tell Pepper about the kiss that he and Steve shared or all the feelings that were swirling around inside him about it. Telling her would truly make it more and Tony just wanted to keep it to himself for a moment longer so he could enjoy it.

“We are. Anyway, I did get a chance to scope out some possible candidates for SI to start wooing. I’ll send you a list--”

Later, when Tony received notice that The Avengers were heading home, Tony let out a sigh of relief because it was becoming clear that for the most part no one was happy with them. He wasn’t too surprised when Steve arrived at the tower looking down trodden in a way that Tony had only ever seen him after they failed to find Bucky once more. It was a search that had settled down some for the time being mostly because they all agreed that it was likely that Bucky actually had his right mind and he himself was staying away. Steve arrived long past midnight still in his uniform and entered from the terrace which told Tony enough about how he had arrived.

“Hey,” Tony said as Steve approached him.

Tony wanted to tell him about the accords and everything that was coming and yet the words didn’t want to come out, stuck in his throat like words never tended to be, because Steve just didn’t look like he was in the right mind to hear it. He was pallid, evidence of exhaustion all over him, and full of sadness and pain and Tony couldn’t add anything more to that.

“It was my fault,” Steve said and let out a long breath, his words coming out a bit raspy and full of emotion.

“What happened?”

“Rumlow. He mentioned Bucky and I just couldn’t think and couldn’t see.”

Steve’s eyes were blown, still surprised at what had occurred -- still beating himself up for it.

“And Wanda should have never had to get involved,” he let out breath and shook his head, keeping it bowed down. He closed his eyes tightly and Tony just had to approach him.

“And yet she had to because I -- and she just feels terrible. I can’t even — I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to her.”

Tony opened his arms and Steve walked into them without another word, and it was so easy for him to just drop himself into Tony, press himself into Tony as if Tony and Tony alone could just hold him together and it was all that Tony wanted to do. His arms were wrapped around Steve tightly, his nose buried in Steve’s shoulder not caring that Steve smelled of sweat and dirt and smoke and maybe even blood. Not when Steve shuddered into Tony’s neck and his cold nose pressed into Tony’s neck.

“Do you need to go back to the compound?” Tony asked when they finally pulled away.

“I think Nat’s got it,” Steve said. “I just -- I wanted to see you. I needed to.”

“Yeah,” Tony said, “I can tell. I think this calls for some food and cuddling, but first you gotta shower.”

Steve laughed. They hadn’t stepped too far from each other, but Steve did then, looking down at himself. “You’re right. Order us something and I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Sure thing,” Tony said, “and I expect kisses too, you know, not just cuddling.”

Steve’s lips quirked up and he leaned forward to press their lips together in a quick chaste kiss, before he was walking off in the direction of the bedrooms in search of a shower. Tony really did love that man.

Chapter Thirty