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xomakara · 2 months

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Sailing Into The Unknown (001)

(re-posting from my old account seulrinnie-rinrin/xomakara-secondary)

SITU Master | Next

Chapter 001

"Get back here, you thief!"

You ran along the streets, your hair flying behind you like a flag in the wind. The people who walked past stared at you, curious about the scene that was unfolding before them, but they did not try to stop you. They were too afraid, perhaps. Or maybe they were scared of getting hurt. Regardless, it was probably better that way, because if you had encountered any pursuers, things would've gotten complicated fast.

A thief, he called you. He was wrong.

How could the greatest swordswoman in the country be called a thief?

You glanced around, trying to look inconspicuous, and made sure that no one was following you. Once you were certain you weren't being followed, you doubled your pace, trying to get away from the man as soon as possible. The roads became increasingly crowded as the sun began to set, but despite this, you didn't slow down; you needed to reach the docks. If you couldn't reach the docks tonight, you might never see another sunrise.

By now, your lungs were burning from running, and your legs felt heavy and sore. Even though the distance between you and your destination seemed impossible to overcome, you refused to give up. All you could do was push harder and faster, determined to escape from the man pursuing you.

"That's right, thief! Come out, come out wherever you are!"

Lord, this man was persistent. You were tempted to confront and fight the man, but if you drew your sword, then there was a chance that the townsfolk would get hurt. You didn't want anyone else involved in this mess, so you'd just have to run faster. Hopefully, you'd make it to the docks without encountering anyone else.

Just when you thought you wouldn't be able to take another step, someone grabbed onto your arm and yanked you into an alleyway. You gasped in surprise, your hand quicky reaching for your sword.

"Shhh...I'm here to help you." The figure said.

When you looked up, you found yourself looking into a pair of gorgeous brown eyes, smiling warmly at you. Your breath caught in your throat as you noticed the bright smile that illuminated his handsome face, and you struggled to remember why you'd been running.

"I'll answer all your questions later." The man chuckled. "But first let's get rid of that man that has been following you like a hound."

Without waiting for your response, the man held his hand out to you.

You hesitated for a moment, your hand still hovering over your sword, but eventually you took the offered hand and allowed yourself to be pulled to safety.

"Apologies in advance for doing this." He muttered, tugging your body against his, one hand wrapping on your lower back, the other going to rest on the nape of your neck. "You can beat me up later if you wish."

In an instant, the world around you melted away. No longer were you fighting to keep from being cornered. Instead, you stood next to the man, the warmth of his chest brushing against yours as he lowered his head to speak softly in your ear.

"This should hold him off for a little while." He whispered, sending shivers down your spine.

"Who are you?" You asked nervously. His hands moved up and down your arms in soothing motions, his touch so gentle and comforting that you were surprised that your heart wasn't racing wildly.

"Kim Hongjoong." He replied simply. "Captain of the Ateez."

Your eyes widened in shock. Of all people to run into, you run into the captain of the most notorious ship on the seas. This was the man that had songs and stories dedicated to him, that every seafarer feared. The same man that brought havoc to every port and ship he visited. You never thought he would be this young. He was perhaps a year or so older than you but for him to accomplish something as big as being captain of such a notorious ship was quite impressive.

You weren't scared of him. How could you be scared of him if you were one of the best swordswoman in the land? But you couldn't shake the strange feeling that this man was somehow different. For some reason, you knew you could trust him, that whatever he told you would be the truth.

Hongjoong tightened his grip on you, turning so that your back was facing the man that had been chasing you. "Just pretend that we're a couple and everything will be fine." He murmured, brushing his lips against your cheek. "I want to avoid any kind of fight and bloodshed."

Your entire body tingled at the gentle caress of his lips against your skin, your pulse fluttering at his closeness. Suddenly, you realized what you were doing. Here you were, holding onto a man who was the most notorious pirate on the seas. A man who made life hell for innocent ships and captains alike. And yet here you were, feeling safe and secure with him.

For reasons unknown, your hands instinctively reached up and rested on his shoulders. When you opened your eyes, you found yourself gazing at his impossibly beautiful face, your fingers grazing over his broad muscles. You gulped at the knowledge that this man was holding you close, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist.

"He's gone." Hongjoong whispered as soon as you came back to your senses. He released you, giving you a curious look. "Tell me something. Why is a warrior like you, running away from that man?"

"I have no clue to be honest." You shrugged. "I was minding my business walking through the marketplace and the man seemed to think I stole something from him. Why would I steal something if I have the means to pay for it? I may be a sword for hire but I'm certainly not a thief."

Hongjoong chuckled softly, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe he just a beautiful woman alone on the streets and wanted to take advantage of you. To sell you. It happens all the time."

"He'd have to go through my blade before he attempts that." You growled angrily.

"With a sword like that? I believe you." Hongjoong smirked, patting you on the head affectionately.

You blinked a few times, surprised at his sudden show of affection. It wasn't often that you got along well with men and it definitely wasn't common for them to act nice towards you. Most treated you like you were some sort of lower creature that needed to be treated like dirt.

Despite your outward appearance, you were an odd commodity of sorts. Although you were a woman, you were skilled in swordsmanship and magic. While the majority of female warriors fought with bows and arrows, you preferred to wield a sword, and you were even better than most men and women when it came to using magic. Because of your skills, you've managed to gain quite a bit of notoriety throughout the lands and among the citizens of the kingdoms. People would know of your name but they didn't exactly know how you looked. That was the way you liked it. You preferred to stay under the radar and blend in with the crowd rather than be the center of attention.

"I have an interesting proposition for you." Hongjoong said as he took in your form. "What do you say if I asked you to join my crew?"

"You want me to join you?" You exclaimed in disbelief. "A swordswoman, a sword for hire, joining a pirate crew?"

He nodded his head. "Yes, I think you would fit right in."

"You sure? You haven't even seen me in action." You raised an eyebrow.

"I don't need to see you in action to know who you are." Hongjoong grinned mischievously. "It will be great to have the legendary Y/N join my ranks. What do you say?"

"So the notorious captain of the Ateez knows who I am." You laughed softly. "If you insist on having me, then I suppose I won't argue."

"Wonderful!" Hongjoong exclaimed happily. "Follow me, my lady."

"I'm not a noble lady, captain." You shook your head. "Just a warrior."

"Doesn't matter. It'll just be fun to address you as 'my lady' once in a while." Hongjoong smiled widely.

Without waiting for you to respond, he turned around and walked towards the docks, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. As you followed closely behind him, you couldn't help but laugh silently to yourself. Here you were, being chased by a man who called you a thief and now you were joining a pirate crew.

Things were definitely going to get interesting.

You followed Hongjoong onto the ship without question. The moment you stepped foot on board, everyone was staring at you, most of them whispering amongst themselves. At first, you felt self conscious but Hongjoong shot you a reassuring smile, his gaze meeting yours briefly before looking at his crew.

"Everyone, gather round." Hongjoong ordered loudly, waving his hand around so that everyone's attention was focused on him. "I have an announcement to make."

All heads turned your way immediately, curious expressions marring their faces.

"Our newest addition has arrived." Hongjoong grinned. "Crew meet Y/N. Y/N meet the crew. I know it's unheard of that we have a woman join our ranks but she's a rare gem. She's incredibly strong, courageous, and has her own set of skills."

He turned to you. "Everyone here are pretty formidable fighters so you won't have to worry about anything. Let me introduce the crew to you."

Hongjoong gestured to a man, whose chest peeked out from his shirt in order to reveal a silver star pendant hanging on his neck. "Park Seonghwa, our Quartermaster. He's my second-in-command, my right hand, responsible for maintaining the crew, managing the money, purchasing new weapons and supplies, as well as planning our missions."

"Next is Jeong Yunho, our First Mate." Hongjoong nodded to a rather tall man, who was leaning casually against one of the railing posts. "He is responsible for the safety and security of the ship. He is my left hand, so if I or Seonghwa are indisposed, he takes charge."

"Our Helmsman, Kang Yeosang," Hongjoong said next, nodding his head to a shorter, handsome man standing beside him. "Yeosang can steer and sail the ship at high speeds, a useful skill to have during our expeditions. He's also very intelligent, which will come in handy."

"This is Choi San. The Master-at-Arms." Hongjoong turned to a muscular man standing near him. "He helps Yunho with the safety and security of the ship. He also helps trains the crew. You will be aiding him, since you are both exceptionally skilled with the blades. I’m also placing you with him and Yunho for safety and security."

"That one over there is Song Mingi, our Navigator." Hongjoong gestured to another tall man, whose long black hair swayed gently with every movement he made. "Mingi keeps track of our position in relation to land and other ships. His ability to read the stars is unparalleled."

"Our cook, Jung Wooyoung," Hongjoong continued, turning to a man sitting behind him, sipping tea. "Wooyoung makes the best food this side of the ocean. With his cooking skills, no one ever gets sick."

"And this here is Choi Jongho, the Boatswain," Hongjoong finished off, gesturing to a man in blue. "Jongho is in charge of maintaining the ship. If he asks you to do something, just do it. He always gets what he wants, regardless of the consequences."

After making his introductions, Hongjoong clapped his hands, drawing everyone's attention back to him. "I hope I didn't scare you away. Everyone is friendly and they will treat you fairly."

"So...Y/N, huh?" San spoke up. "Since we'll be working together, I'd love to spar against you. Just to get to know you."

"Me too." Yunho added enthusiastically. "We can train together whenever you're free. Just let me know when."

"Are you serious?" Hongjoong burst out laughing. "Y/N just joined us and you guys already want to challenge her to a fight. Why don't we let her adjust to her new surroundings first? Give her some time to relax and rest. Then when she's ready, I'll just sit back and watch her kick your asses."

"No way, Captain." San scoffed. "I've yet to find someone who could beat me."

Hongjoong grinned. "Oh, you'll be surprised then."

"I guess my name hasn't reached the seas." You let out a laugh. "Trust me, I'm a very skilled fighter. I'll give anyone a run for their money."

"Don't be so cocky, Y/N." Seonghwa suddenly interjected. "San and Yunho are pretty good fighters. Just wait until you're faced with them."

"We shall see." You winked playfully at them. "But before that happens, you heard what captain said. Let me adjust to my new surroundings. Maybe later I'll show you two what I got."

"Sounds like a plan." Yunho nodded his head enthusiastically. "It's been awhile since I had a sparring match anyway. It would be nice to hit something again."

"Me too." San agreed. "It's been awhile since I last trained with any of the men here."

"All right, men, let's get going." Hongjoong clapped his hands once more, pulling everyone's attention back to him. "It's time to leave. Prepare the sails and get the Ateez ready for departure. Y/N, follow Seonghwa to your quarters and rest up. We'll be leaving port soon."

Hongjoong waved his hand dismissively at everyone before heading towards the gangplank, his long legs carrying him easily across the deck. You watched him disappear into the distance before turning to look at the stern of the ship. You caught sight of the crew gathered together by the gangplank and couldn't help but notice the glint in the men's eyes as they stared back at you.

There was an air of excitement among them, almost as if they were eager to prove to you that they were indeed worthy opponents.

You smiled lightly. This was going to be a different adventure for you. And judging from the looks of things, you were definitely going to enjoy it.

#ateez imagines #ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez fanfics #ateez stories #ateez smut #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #ateez ot8

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theoceanoasis · 3 months

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Hi, a sparkling is found and every bot tries to hand them off to Hot rod who doesn’t want to take care of the sparkling because he doesn’t want to be a carrier. ( he actually does but he refuses to be demeaned by others simply because he was a carrier type mecha )

Eventually he has to sneak in and care for the bitlet because they won’t stop crying

He was about to start training with Springer when a group of Autobots came in holding a crying sparkling and looking uncomfortable. They walked over to him and held up the sparkling.

"Look who's here."

They pointed at him, as the sparkling continued to cry because they were holding him the wrong way.

He stared at the sparkling who was still crying trying to ignore his instincts. Knowing exactly what they were doing and implying.

He looked at the Autobots who were trying to make him take the sparkling.

"What is this?"

He demanded. Wanting to know why they were bringing the sparkling to him. He already had a feeling but he was hoping he was wrong.

"We found him during patrol. It looked like he'd been abandoned."

"Why are you giving him to me? You three are the one's who found him, so he's your responsibility."

"But you'd do a better job taking care of him and we want what's best for the sparkling."

Arcee crossed her arms looking angry.

"It seems you want to do what's best for you."

Springer nodded as the Autobots sputtered indignantly.

"That's not true. We just think Hot Rod would be a better... Fit."

"Why? Because I'm a carrier."

He snapped.

"We don't all love sparklings and want to constantly be sparked."

"That's not-"

One of them tried arguing. Getting defensive at being called out. He forced himself to turn away ignoring the crying sparkling. He wasn't going to prove them right. He was more than just a carrier, even if it physically hurt.

His friends chewed them out before following after him. He thought that was the end of it and that they'd take responsibility. Instead of trying to pass him off to another carrier, because they believed that was all they were good for.

When he refused to take care of the sparkling. The other Autobots decided the best course of action was to neglect the poor thing.

He overheard them talking in the mess hall complaining about the crying. When he'd tried looking for the sparkling he became concerned when he didn't see the little one in their arms. At first he thought they gave the sparkling to someone else. Until he learned they left the little one in their room, which was extremely dangerous.

Alarmed, he left the mess hall and rushed to their room. Trying not to imagine the worst. Pausing in front of it he stopped himself from entering. Refusing to give into his instincts. He planned on telling one of his superiors, when the sparkling began crying.

He flinched back as the little one sobbed and found himself rushing inside. He looked around and was shocked to find the little one about to roll off the bed.

He lundged forward ignoring his knees which hit the floor hard enough to leave a mark. Scooping the sparkling up he looked them over and noticed they seemed smaller then the last time he saw him.

He knew the sparkling was hungry and he looked around for a bottle and some sparkling energon. Instead he found none of that. Except for a partially drunk energon cube.

His spark sank as he looked it over. Hoping he was wrong.

Taking in the sparkling he became enraged when he saw vomit on the poor thing.

They'd been feeding him regular energon which had been making the sparkling sick. Then they didn't even bother to clean up and let the sparkling stay filthy.

His spark broke for the little one as they made a noise of distress. He opened his chest plating and helped him latch on.

Feeling the sparkling feed. He sighed in relief that his tanks hadn't been damaged.

What they did was horrible and he had no doubt on purpose. Everyone knows you're not supposed to feed a sparkling regular energon. It could have killed him.

Grabbing a rag he began cleaning the sparkling and felt his energon run cold when he saw marks on his body, in the shape of handprints.

Unable to take it anymore. He rushed the sparkling to the medbay. Chest plating still open for everyone to see, as he took the sparkling to Ratchet.

The medic was surprised to see him and even more surprised to see the sparkling in his arms.

When he explained the situation Ratchet threw into a rage. He began cursing at the Autobots who'd done this and carefully looked the sparkling over. Who was now asleep against his chest and would scream and cry if anyone took the little one out of his arms.

His spark broke as Ratchet listed the damage. Blaming himself for being stubborn and not taking the sparkling when they gave him the chance.

Now the sparkling had to suffer because of him. Ratchet somehow knowing what he was thinking told him that it wasn't his fault.

"The only one who's to blame are the monsters who did this."

He nodded too exhausted to argue. He pulled the sparkling close. Thinking of all the things he'd need, because he wasn't letting the sparkling go. He didn't care what anyone else said. The little one was his. He wasn't going to let him get hurt again.

Ratchet was also willing to back him up because he knew how to take care of a sparkling. He could also feed him from his pouches. Which would be important, because energon for sparklings was becoming harder to find due to the war.

The sparkling also didn't want to let him go and had chosen him. Crying if anyone else held him and desperately clinging to him. He stroked his little head as he slept and sang a Nyonian lullaby. While Ratchet filled out a report detailing the abuse he'd found.

The Autobots who'd been tasked with taking care of the sparkling must have realized he was gone, because they burst inside. One of them pointed at him in anger.

"You! How dare you try and get up in trouble after you refused to do what you were made for!?"

He flinched back pulling the sparkling closer as they took threatening steps towards him. Ratchet threw a wrench at one of them shouting at them to get out of his medbay as he called security.

They didn't listen and continue yelling at him trying to take the now crying sparkling away from him.

One of them shoved him against the wall and he curled into a ball. Protecting the crying sparkling as he was attacked.

He felt someone bend his spoiler causing him to wince, but he refused to let them have the sparkling. Those monsters would never hurt him again.

Security eventually came and ripped them away taking the still shouting Autobots to the brig. He was shaking as Ratchet helped him stand.

He soothed the sparkling in his arms. Rocking him and singing in the hopes he'd go back to sleep, while Ratchet worked on his injuries. He felt a tear fall as he put his spoiler back into place.

Later he was called to a meeting with high command where the issue was discussed. Ratchet gave them everything including his recommendation.

The Autobots were of course punished. Everyone disgusted by them hurting a sparkling. Especially with so few left.

They'd glared at him. Angry that he'd gotten them in trouble for abusing a sparkling.

The entire time he'd slept, clinging to his chest, as high command debated his future. Ratchet had continued trying to voice his opinion on the matter. There was no way off world. All the neutrals who could leave had already done so.

Those that couldn't either died or picked a side. The Autobots couldn't spare a single ship just for a sparkling. Besides there was no where for the sparkling to go. They didn't know where the neutrals had gone or if their colonies were still alive.

It made him nervous. He didn't want the sparkling growing up in a war, but it didn't look like there was a choice.

He listened as high command talked. Until the sparkling started crying hungry for food. He took him out of the room and found a hidden closet to feed him.

He'd only had him for a short time and he already loved him so much. He'd do anything to protect him.

When he went back it was silent. Looking around he realized they had made a decision and from the look on Ratchets face. He wasn't going to like it.

"We have decided that it would be best for the sparkling if they had another guardian. A couple who have strong Autobot values and can raise the sparkling right."

"I can raise the sparkling."

He argued. Spark spinning rapidly in his chest as he realized what they were saying. The very idea making him want to collapse, as he realized they wanted to take his sparkling away from him. He didn't understand why they didn't realize he was the best fit. The sparkling wanted him and he wanted him as well.

"You cannot do so alone. We want to give the sparkling the best life we can. Which means they should have two parents and they should be high in the chain of command. Since they will have more space and amenities. The sparkling won't have with you."

"You can't do this. He's safe with me."

"I'm sorry Hot Rod but this is what's best for the sparkling not you."

He begged and pleaded but they didn't listen. They ripped the sparkling out of his arms who screamed and cried in terror. He'd also begun crying as he reached for his little one. Begging them to reconsider.

He was forced to watch as he was taken away. High command then shipped him to another base, because they thought it would be better if he wasn't around. Wanting the sparkling to adapt to his new parents and forget about him.

Afterwards he was a mess. Barely sleeping or eating. Doing his job and that was it. He spent most of the day curled up in bed. Mourning the loss of his sparkling. Because his coding had activated and he was now producing milk. He was forced to pump which made it a lot harder.

His body was screaming at him to find his sparkling and bring him back but there was nothing he could do.

He was told the couple who had his sparkling could not have one of their own and he should be happy, they finally got the chance to be parents. Even during a time of war. Since they couldn't produce their own energon and it was difficult for them to find sparkling energon. Everything he pumped was given to the sparkling.

When he tried asking if he could see the sparkling. He was told the couple had refused. Wanting the sparkling to bond with him and that he was taking time to adjust. But soon the sparkling wouldn't remember him and it would only be confusing if he was around. Since he wasn't the sparklings carrier.

It felt like his spark was being ripped apart. He didn't want to live anymore.

After pumping as much as possible. To make sure the sparkling had a steady supply for a while, even after he was gone.

He snuck out of the Autobot base and planned on going somewhere. He didn't know where he just didn't want to be there anymore.

Walking away from base. He traveled for what felt like forever. Some distant part of him realized he was trying to get his sparkling back. His coding demanding he find his sparkling. After not eating or taking care of himself for a while now. He felt sick and dizzy. His body unable to take the strain after losing his sparkling. He collapsed onto the ground and passed out.

#soundrod #transformers #soundwave #hot rod #rodimus #transformers cyberverse #hot rod x soundwave #cyberverse soundwave #arcee #Springer #Ratchet #hand off

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lily-orchard-gossip-blog · 1 year

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If Lily really does follow some of these blogs (and I’m sure she does), it would be neat if she could read this message:

She goes on about how for YEARS she’s been the victim of constant harassment, criticism, “stalking”, etc.

Her friends defend her to hell and back on how she doesn’t deserve this, and she’s a sweet wholesome pun-loving woman who is just the damnest sweet thing.

Lily’s rebuttal for this CONSTANT criticism is that these people are mad at her for “not liking the cartoon show”, “weebs butt hurt about their anime porn” or “because she’s trans and/or Native American”

And I have to ask her; really? Do you genuinely believe that? Do you honestly think that there would be so much time dedicated to debunking your videos, MULTIPLE gossip blogs discussing your work/behavior, or even this many people talking about you via tumblr when your posts get, what, 20 notes max?

Speaking as a past fan, I don’t talk about you negatively because of your cartoon opinions. I don’t post on these blogs because you don’t like anime. And I CERTAINLY don’t give a shit about your identity (TERFS f**k off challenge)

I engage with these blogs because I think you are a horribly judgmental and toxic person, and the more people know this the better.

You wish death on people who have different political ideologies. You send your fans to harass people you don’t like past and present and show NO remorse (not even a “please don’t harass these guys” obligatory message). You CONSTANTLY view people who AREN’T YOU or your friends as opposition, even YOUR OWN FANS. You invalidate artists and have absolutely no respect for animation as a medium. You have this unmovable victim complex where you absolutely refuse to take ANY responsibility for your words/actions. It’s always someone else’s fault.

You perpetuate the horribly toxic setting of no one being allowed to say anything (and I mean ANYTHING) you don’t like at risk of making you upset. People can’t even like a different GAME as you without you throwing a bitch-fit.

Going off her own accord on this sort of behavior: Lily is a flat-out abusive woman.

But it’s her job to stay online and say what she wants to say.

She has a PLATFORM. She gets PAID BY FANS for her to do what she does. She has not changed since her Brony persona where she encouraged victims of bullying to beat their bully’s skulls in, and she continues to slip her toxicity into other fandoms like WoW and TOH.

People don’t hate you because of your takes, heritage, gender, or whatever your friends say people criticize you for.

People hate you because you’re a f**king toxic asshole.

That’s all I have to say. Duces ✌️

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bloomingundertheshadows · 2 months

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HM is the Worst Pt 1.

I would like to believe that I am, in general, someone who behaves responsibly while watching these TV shows. I hope that when reading my blog, people don't feel like I'm attacking contestants personally and am taking into account these are real people under high stress situations who are trying their best. I believe that most people we meet are not assholes, and that we are all the bad guy in someone else's story. We are allowed to make mistakes because we learn from them and grow into better people.

However, guys, I f*cking hate Hanmin. Like, I now genuinely believe he is a bad person. Last season, when HJin had that horrible discussion with Dabit, at least I understood what he was trying to do. And I promise I am trying to do my best to give Hanmin the benefit of the doubt and remember that this whole thing is crazy.

However, I do not feel the same way about Hanmin. At all. This filming took place 2 weeks after the show. Hanmin had 2 WEEKS without cameras to think about how to end this relationship.

I think it's pretty clear that during those two weeks he was basically dodging YJ or something similar. And I get it must be awkward to just go through this intense experience and then realize it moved too quickly. However, every word out of his mouth was so horrible and hurtful. He knew how much YJ liked him, he knew YJ's personality. I don't care to see your surprised Pikachu face when YJ turns out to be the person he openly was.

It was totally unnecessary to say how every one of YJ's actions pressures him, how he wants to be with someone who he likes more (what does that even mean? Basically, I don't really like you that much), and then oh.my.god. the f***** flowers. Like refusing to even keep the rings was bad enough, but this man was sweet enough to bring you flowers probably knowing you haven't been treating him well.

Jaw on the floor. I am giving him such little benefit of the doubt because there was a huge gap that wasn't being filmed. That is your real personality in play right there. He knew he didn't like YJ and could have met up or texted him beforehand. I would never let someone who I claimed to like walk into a trap like this.

#his man 3 #his man 3 the series #hate #this is a hate post against HM #I'm know it's immature but I don't care

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lavathein · 2 months

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Oh my God, this is really not funny. And do you know why? Because you absolutely don't understand what you're writing here, and especially when you say that Sylvie deserves hatred and what you wrote in caps. You are a perfectly sane and healthy person if you think this is normal, so let's continue.

Why don't you write the same about Loki, who deceived Thor and practically killed him? Or how about when he conspired with Thanos to take over Midgard and in the process killed countless people? Or when, out of a desire for revenge, he led the Dark Elf to cause chaos for Odin, resulting in Frigga's death? No? What's the matter, is it because he has trauma or someone else is to blame? But according to your logic, that doesn't work, and he also deserves what you're writing about Sylvie?

Do you know why this is happening? Because you look at it from Loki's perspective and are willing to overlook any actions he takes, but when Sylvie does something, you react with, "How dare she, such a bad person!" The whole point of the show was that there is no right or wrong, they both have the same goal where both Loki and Sylvie want to save lives. Both of them. The anger should be directed at Kang, he is the one who started all this mess, not Sylvie, not Loki, not even the TVA, but that idiot.

No one is diminishing Loki's sacrifice, it's not about that, but the fact that the show is so artificial that everything is specifically designed to:

A) Have Loki heroically sacrifice himself;

B) Drama, tears, pain, Drama, Tragedy.

When it's written well, it touches your soul, and yes, for those who care only about Loki, they can watch and think, "Yes, he's a hero, well done, super." Loki alone, she should have been there -- Well sorry, none of the fans are responsible for the writers wanting to make it that way LOL

I and some other people, no, just because it breaks the wall that supports the depth and reality of what is happening, and the writers were so caught up in one idea that they neglected other things.

After s1, I can't see the TVA as angels; they killed and tortured people, and despite the propaganda, they did it on their own and even enjoyed it like sadists because they simply didn't consider themselves equal to the variants. Just remember B-15 and Mobius's attitude towards Loki, and now they say, "They were always good, it's only Sylvie who is bad..." And what did she do? She just wanted to stop the killings long before Loki did. And you say for that she deserves to be beaten with sticks and the death penalty. Incredibly "logical."

And why? Because she didn't agree with Loki, oh God, how could that be.

Again, why is this? Because why on earth should she believe the person on the throne who is deceiving her? Especially considering the second season, he really sat there and blatantly lied to them. Loki didn't have the same experience as Sylvie to hate Kang, but it's not about that. If the danger they talk about exists, his death doesn't particularly solve anything, so he refuses, not because he disagrees with Sylvie, but because he wants to see other options.

AND NOW, ATTENTION: Sylvie is still a variant of Loki, and like Loki, she won't give up on her goal and her perspective. Who is worse, who is better? Neither. Because both don't want anyone to suffer. Both have common goals.

S2 becomes such a farce at some point that we are so much on Loki's side that the show doesn't try to show what would happen if Loki kills her, or if Kang stays and what's his plan, and it's ridiculous. Why should Loki kill her? Because he has feelings (Absolutely don't care if you like it or not), he would hurt himself and become alienated, as Kang needs. Because such a Loki can be controlled, he would lose faith in anything, his friends would have their memories erased, and they would continue what they were doing. No happy ending with pies.

But the show demonizes Sylvie, like she's the bad one, and the TVA is good, to emphasize once again that Loki is pure and fluffy. Loki has already sacrificed himself, long ago. Especially for me, it's obvious who he is and that he will always sacrifice for those he loves, but the show can't show this without demonizing someone, in this case, Sylvie, because she killed a murderer, not Loki. Though in the end, his sacrifice and everything the TVA does happens only because of what Sylvie did and because Kang is dead and no longer in control. But you don't see this because of the blindness that season 2 artificially created by rearranging priorities.

Because I like and love both Loki and Sylvie, I don't treat the mistakes either of them makes as a catastrophe because they are alive, and both make mistakes and do things that are completely normal. The Loki show is quite philosophical and usually makes you at least turn on your brain a little, rather than dividing into black and white, here's an angel, and here's a demon. You absolutely don't understand the meaning of the show beyond the factor of Loki being a selfless hero who saved those he loves. That's great, but besides this, there are other things that happened behind the scenes, making people not understand the context, and that's why it's annoying.

#loki #sylki #sylvie #loki series #loki season 2 #hate the character #thoughts about season 2

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silenttale22 · 11 months

Text

MUST HAVE BEEN THE WIND/PJM/ - Chapter 8

Summary: Someone once told her she had to learn to live in pieces as there would be nobody to glue them up. But what if a person with similar pieces to her appears? What if by complete coincidence her crying is heard in the middle of the night? What if together they can create a whole new masterpiece? Dancer!Jimin x Student!Reader Genre: Fluff, Angst, Slice of life. hurt/comfort, Soulmate!AU, SchoolAU Warnings: Curses

Word count: 5k

Note: I think we so much closer to the end now! So I hope you enjoy

MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 7/CHAPTER 8/CHAPTER 9

Despite coming across as totally confident, without any panics going inside his head, Jimin's caramel eyes still hold a hidden fear. Fear of rejection, and of being judged in the most ordinary way. Of how he looks like, how he moves or how he lives. He was so scared about the other peoples opinion, looking for someone else validation, that he was losing himself slowly.

Over the years, his excessive obsession with things to be perfect grew, and when he found a person who caught his attention for a longer term - he felt lost.

He felt the need to please everything and everyone, so now an uneasiness blossomed in his chest that slowly sprouted vines outside as well.

He had lost, or was about to lose.

These were now his musings as thoughts of you ran through his head. He tried to reach out and get in touch with you, but you just ghosted him and gave him the cold shoulder. You disappeared.

And this made him feel vulnerable. Because for a long time he had the feeling that the only reason for his better state was you. Getting up every day, eating a good full breakfast and getting the right amount of rest…that's all he was trying to do for you.

And it was probably wrong, a red light should have been glare in front of his eyes because - he should be doing it for himself, not for someone. What's the point of trying to be a better person for someone if you can't be sure as soon as that person disappears, that better version of you will simply fall away.

It was precisely why Jimin was slowly losing his mind. Because he gradually didn't know which version could be the real one.

When the contact with you broke off, he couldn't stop wondering what had happened. Did he messed up so bad?

He couldn't just stop thinking, because that's how he was - putting others above himself, worrying about others, making time for others. Only that in this he often found himself losing his own self.

This time, however, he thought a lot about your behavior. And by spending time with you, he could see similar patterns to himself, which he often mirrored with fear of losing someone, or something.

It was hard for him to stop wondering what was really going on in your life, because no matter how strong feelings blossomed inside him at the very thought of you - he still didn't know anything about you. He didn't know your story, but neither did you know his.

You both wanted to start with the walls already built, forgetting to think in the beginning how important the fundamentals could be.

Just as quickly as Jimin began to realize this, he wanted to take action. However, he couldn't, because you disappeared. Responses to the knocks on your apartment door were silent, and the messages he managed to send you a little (leaving aside the ones deleted before sending each time) were mostly not even read.

Jimin began to doubt whether he would ever be able to catch you.

That's why one cooler day, when Hoseok had mercy on his exhausted body and finished practice sooner, the blond man didn't wait to wear his coat real quick and sprinted to your department's entrance, hoping you were still there like you usually do. His body was shivering a bit after an hour from the continuing cold that was getting through the door opening every now and then, but he refused to move. Fearing that he might accidentally miss you by sight.

After two hours, he caught a glimpse of your hunched posture poking through between the bodies. Your nose dipped in a huge scarf, and your hands tucked deep in your pockets. You looked like a cute little ball to him. But when you passed him at the door without a thing, his heart squeezed sharply almost stopping him from grabbing your sleeve.

Eventually he got brave to catch you, but your reaction put even more pins in his fast-beating heart. Your eyes met his, for moments gazing sharply, but just as quickly as your gazes met, you took your eyes off him as if embarrassed by his presence.

"You good?" Jimin asked, but seeing your confusion, and slight anxiety glimpsing inside the eye, he knew something was wrong.

But he still didn't know what.

"As you can see," you said quickly, escaping his gaze with your eyes

"You've been out recently a lot," he tried hard to sound normal, but the heaviness were lying on his chest, making it hard to breath

"Working," Jimin hummed quietly, but he wished to came closer you, hold you tight and protect from everything around.

But he couldn't, so the only thing he could tried was to plaster a smile on his face, and with hurting heart say

“Hope to spend some time soon,”

But you didn't respond. Left him there still cold, not really sure what to do.

The next few days became nothing but torment for him. A strange feeling of loneliness had begun to cling to his body even though he was surrounded by many people. The longer he stayed with others, the more he noticed how your presence eased his insecurities.

Jimin also noticed that being among people and keeping even some sort of close friendship with them didn't mean that they ever understood or would understand what was really going through his head. However, you seemed to be such a lost piece of his soul to patch up the hole inside that was felt more and more with time.

In the evenings after long practice sessions, right after coming back home with his headphones still pressed into his ears blasting loud music, Jimin would make himself a meal. He ate it slowly, sitting then for a long while in the kitchen looking dully out the window, where the sun was setting slowly over the horizon, and the beat in his headphones massaged his tired brain pleasantly.

It wasn't until an hour later that he pulled off his headphones to take a shower and ended up comfortably laid out on the cold ground of his bedroom and kept his eyes on the ceiling. The chill spreading from the ground eased his roaming thoughts a bit, but it was still hard for him to stop completely. So listening to the sounds of your apartment every day, he wondered if anything would change.

As he thought about it longer and longer, the more he wondered if he had done the right thing by invading your life. Truth be told, after the night you gave him a helping hand, you never mentioned that you wanted to continue any friendship with him. Jimin simply tried hard to stay within your reach, and you never seemed to refuse his presence. However, now he felt like an intruder. Slowly, he was unsure himself whether he should continue to meddle in your life without a clear invitation.

With his head still in the clouds, practice seemed arduous for him, not exciting as much as it should have been. The steps, even though they seemed to come out perfectly, still didn't bring him satisfaction so each time he would go up to the equipment playing the music from the beginning and - with or without Hoseok - dance the whole choreography from the start.

“Jimin, I know you have ants in pants but sit on your ass for once” Hoseok's voice was loud, as his finger found the turning off button making blond one groan.

“Just let me dance, for fuck sake” he grunted, leading his steps to the console.

“Nah, come here. We have to talk.” Hoseok sat on the floor, and patted the place next to him so Jimin right after rolling his eyes with annoyance, took the same pointed spot. “So…” he said, stopping just after, making blond one to look with a side eye.

“What” low and rough tone came out but for first minutes he only heard the snort as an answer.

“Will you ask her properly out?” The question finally falls, and Jimin's eyes widen, feeling as the blood rushed to his cheeks.

“We're friends…I think we're one…” he mumbled, now making Hoseok to groan and nudge him hard onto shoulder “Hey! what was that for”

“Just ask her out or you will be again the grumpy bitch” snort left Jimin's lips yet uneasy feeling on his chest made him dizzy

“We barely know each other, and I don't think its a goo-” as boy wanted to find any reasonable explanation, another time the voice interrupts him in mid-sentence

“Bullshit, I'm not asking you to buy an engagement ring idiot. I want you to give her a hint that your stupid ass likes her more.” the eye roll and loud huff making Jimin annoyed even if he know that his friends speak some truth and theoretically this should not make him feel this way.

A sense of unease clings to him with the thought that the proposal that Hoseok mentions might be most simply rejected. Although you never seemed unwilling to be in his presence, no one said you would just want to go out with him like that.

Jimin's gaze rises slightly, and the reflection of his face stares miserably askance. His skin had become a bit more dull through several sleepless nights, even pale in places, and small bags under his eyes had begun to decorate his face.

But he couldn't do anything about the fact that every spare moment his thoughts returned to you and to the feeling bottled up inside him. Every little thing about you made

Jimin's only desire is to know you better. He wanted to know your story from the past and wanted to be a part of it in the future. However, he couldn't do that without your permission, whether he wanted it or not.

“I know you're scared” Hoseok's voice shakes him out of his momentary musings, gaze from his reflection jumps quickly to the face of a friend "I know that your past, more intimate relationships of this kind didn't tend to end ,uhm well…but, she really seems to be different. Seeing you two together in the hallway that day, if I hadn't talked to you I could have said you were already pretty close."

“Hobi, she don't want to talk to me anymore. I tried, and she just-”

“Because maybe she's scared too? You, yourself said that you just met, she may be scared of doing the wrong step. Or maybe just as you has not the best story behind” Jimin hummed quietly, playing with his fingers and listening attentively every other word “I just want to say, both of you can come through similar pain but in different way so its may be easier for both of you to understand your needs but first you need to talk. Without it, you will do nothing and she will just disappear.” and that's how Hoseok's words came his to mind, because the thought of losing you forever punched Jimin in face hard.

“Fine, I'll talk to her but-”

“Great, that's what I wanted to hear!” blond boy huffed with anger, eyeing Hoseok with narrowed eyes

“Okay you big shit, interrupt me one more time and I'll punch you. That's your third time” Jimin's voice was sharp, exaggerated sigh left his lips right after the sentence

“Not my fault you're talking bullshit.” Hoseok grumbled, but wrapping it all up with a crooked smile causing Jimin to just nod and the room fell silent again

And since then, the boy's head was heavily filled not only with questions as to why you stopped speaking so overnight, but also how to make it all right so that you could come to his side again. However, with each passing day, Jimin felt his nerves embrace him tightly, and his every attempt to approach you one more time and get into any kind of conversation ended in fiasco. Because of this he would often return home that same day, once again skipping any meals, going to bed and trying to sleep for the sake of it.

He could feel his body weakening, and the twinkling in front of his eyes, which had been gone for a long time, began to return. Sitting indoors more and more, his body was shivering from the cold even though it was supposedly warm enough inside.

He no longer knew what to do himself, and the days once again began to flow with monotony and sadness. When classes at the university ended and a particular day of practice wasn't scheduled Jimin found himself at a dance school. Smiling children learning new steps lifted his spirits a bit, sometimes even a sincere smile danced on his lips. However, he knew inside that something was missing and he could no longer patch the hole.

He slowly presented the next moves, and the juniors at first gazed at his silhouette mesmerized, only to try to repeat the same later. Jimin's group was much smaller in number than the others, but this was not due to his lack of experience. He had already been teaching here for a good three years, so as if that were a problem, he would most likely be fired a long time ago.

The reason is, not many younger people find interest in contemporary dance, which is exactly what he has been teaching. He knew this from himself, as a much younger boy he used to see himself more in street dance, in much looser styles, but one day in high school everything changed, and today he was grateful for it. He actually rather like his body to gently glide through the air or move gracefully on the ground than to make his body mimic robotic movements and put in some soulful steps.

“Seonsaengnim, I can't do that!” a little girl with a pout sat on the floor, as the music stopped playing. Jimin's head perked up to firstly look at the hunched posture he saw only in the reflection. Her face now tucked into knees, as he walked quickly and crouched next to her side “I'm trying, and not even the new one steps but the old are hard for me and I am so so terrible. I'm so sorry.” she was about to cry, and Jimin's heart stung painfully at this sight

“Hey, look at me, little one,'' he begin gently, waiting patiently as her big shining from tears eyes looked into his “There's nothing to be sorry about, and you're not terrible. You did nothing wrong”

“Every step was wrong! I was out of sync with the rest, almost bumping others! I'm terrible” Jimin sighed and took a seat on the floor right next to the girl

“Okay, come here everyone. Let's sit in the circle.'' Every other kid easily listened to his words and did what he asked for. “There is this really important thing in dancing, and it's called patience. I know we all want to be perfect at everything from the first whistle, and I know what you are feeling, little one, because I have the same when something is going wrong. I know you are frustrated, and It's okay. As long as you still will keep trying.”

“But Seonsaengnim, you're always perfect with choreographies” one of the kids whined, and Jimin chuckled quietly.

“I'm perfect in front of you, because I spend days and hours preparing all of the moves just for all of you. What kind of teacher would I be, not knowing the right steps, hm?” he said with a smile, and kids hummed understandably “Everything will come in time, okay? Let's be patient and work hard. Just because you have one bitter day, doesn't mean your whole life will be like that, right? So little ones, just let's take it easy today, don't overwhelm yourself with the steps. Understood?'

“Okay Seonsaengnim!” and the adorable scream from kids makes Jimin smile, because that's the reason he loved this work so much. Encouraging others to follow their dream.

Because who would we all be without dreams?

A couple of days that were spent alternating between classes with the children and university work, another week came filled with nothing but preparations for the festival itself. Thoughts of you dimmed somewhat, but still in the back of his mind the questions of why you just so simply faded away without a sign of life could not let go.

Several times he found himself at the door of your apartment with his hand up in the air, ready to knock and see if you were okay.

Except instead, with each such try, a voice in his head screamed for him to stop with the pestering. So even though his heart innocently whined for any contact with you, the silly voice was winning out, and Jimin would return to his apartment with his head drooped, swallowing single tears that he considered pitiful more and more often. Wished to throw his sensitivity in the trash.

Still, there were moments when his thoughts completely turned off. And that was when he danced, or took the chance for any kind of physical activity. So today, as well, with his backpack tightly pulled, he ran toward the practice room, and more upbeat music played in his headphones, he felt easiness on chest at least for some minutes.

For the first time in a long, he was the first to get on the spot, so he wasted no time to grab the key from the school reception desk after showing his ID and start stretching before a friend got to join him.

The room was peaceful, covered in semi-darkness. Only Jimin's quiet humming spreading around the room from time to time to which the boy made some single arm stretches or took slow steps across the floor. He liked doing this, liked feeling the music even before it resounded in his head. He loved it when his body spontaneously wanted to create new steps to an unfamiliar melody.

However, he quickly stopped his silent stepping and found himself on the floor stretching out his tired muscles. The nights were still not very favorable for him. Although he tried to get as much sleep as he could, sometimes his eyes simply chose to stare at the ceiling rather than shut down and drift off into another space-time dimension.

A sudden clatter at the door of the room made his head pop up alarmed, but seeing Hoseok's face, he quickly went back to stretching. However, when your familiar scent entered his nostrils right as his friend crossed the threshold, his eyebrows quickly furrowed however he could not take his eyes off the ground while stretching. The movements were much louder than those usually made by the black-haired man himself, making it hard for Jimin not to cast a glance toward the mirror to see who was the next person in the room. His eyes widened when he saw your hunched posture, uncertainly pulling the bag off your shoulder right next to the legs of the other dancer.

"I see your surprise, probably by the amount, hm?" smile on Hoseok lips draw Jimin crazy mad, as you smiled back at him. Even if it was the smallest one. "It's just the two of us as this is our last time to prepare for the festival. I thought Jimin told you. You'll be at it, right? To see us…" you seemed shocked, and it was hard for him to not feel guilty. But on the other hand, how could he tell you anything, if right after he come to know both of you go to the same university, you disappeared.

"Yeah, sure. If you tell me exactly where and when it's going to be, I can come. I'll keep my fingers crossed for both of you," and Jimin's eyes widened, because you still want to come and see him. See their duet…even after not talking for so long.

"So Jimin really didn't mention anything to you?" Hoseok smiled again, but it only makes the blond one to clench his jaw, because its not his fucking business.

And ever since you stepped across the practice room with Hoseok, Jimin couldn't throw away that uncomfortable feeling that made him feel less confident than usual. Not just because he wasn't sure enough about his dancing, but a far deeper reason was the fear of being mocked. Of making himself a laughing stock in front of the person he damn well cares about.

No words seemed to want to go through his throat. Most simply, he couldn't speak…but more and more, it boiled inside him when a dark-haired friend would toss out sentences with a smile, and you would respond with an equally twisted happy face on your lips.

"Shall we get started? The hall isn't free for too long." He did not like the tone that escaped his lips one bit, but was unable to do otherwise, trying to ignore your hard gaze.

As the music and the strong bass spread through the room, Park almost automatically took every step. He was aware that there were many flaws in this, and Hoseok might be looking from beneath the bull's-eye at what the boy was doing, but he cared about simply not falling, as he always ended up doing in practice.

After one song and another several minutes of continuous dancing, they both stopped out of breath for a bit. The blond felt that his cheeks had turned a satiny red, and his sweaty face and extreme embarrassment did not make him look attractive at all. So all he could do was start nervously looking around for a white rough towel that could cover his face. However, Hoseok was quicker and commanded a rerun, so all Jimin could do was get his head stuck a little more sheepishly in his arms and position himself once again for the choreography.

So the next few minutes were full of focus and stress for Jimin, not wanting to make any mistakes. Desiring to make an impression on you that he hadn't had the chance to make before. He only glanced in your direction from time to time, trying to read from your facial expression whether he was making any impression on you, and despite your gently bared lips, he wasn't sure of anything. Because Hoseok was right next to him and he was the one who could make that impression.

“Let's take a break, kay?” Jimin slumped on the floor as Hoseok's voice echoed in the room, and after that ran out of the room, shouting that he was going to the bathroom.

His gaze went to you for a short second. He saw how you jumped from the sudden loud bang but still didn't say a thing. Should he now properly ask you? Or may he just stay quiet and give you your space. His breathing was heavy, heart pounding hard inside his chest and he didn't know if it was because of the dancing or your presence right next to him.

He wished to get up and hug you after so long.

But he couldn't.

Because what if you don't want him anymore.

“I-I can…” your voice was quiet, and broke down even before Jimin's head snapped in your direction “I can leave…” Saliva went down his throat hard, and hands shake a little bit at the thought of losing you again.

“What?” his voice was rough, and he hated that so much

“I can leave if you don't want me here, I'm sorry for invading your private space.” the boost of adrenaline in his body, make him get up quickly, almost dripping on his own feet and by accident throwed himself onto your back, but his arms embraced you tightly, and he felt like crying just at the thought of you leaving.

“Stay, please” he hide his face onto your shirt, and as you sighed quietly, your body less tense, kind of relief went over him. You will stay.

“You avoid my gaze, never mentioned it all…S-so I just thought I shouldn't be here, that I crossed the line.” Jimin heart almost broke, as you turn in his direction and then lead to sit on the floor with hard expression painted on your face.

But how could you think that way? For Jimin you just being around meant more than anything else. Yet you couldn't have known that your laughter - though damn rare, made his world light up with millions of colors. It made his day better in the simplest way. And he wanted more and more to prove to you that you were a miracle, someone irreplaceable, someone who appears to turn a life full of uncertainty and fear into light, even when your soul seems crushed by the weight of everyday life.

“Crossed the line? I thought you don't want to see me anymore or something, after this day on the corridor, and all…You just stopped talking to me,” he said hesitantly, being afraid of pulling you closer and keep in arms as he should earlier.

“I had to think, there was some…things bothering my mind. I wasn't sure what to do, and your behavior does not help. And still…I saw you were uncomfortable with me here.” he sighed with heavy feeling full of guild that he made you feel this way, so he grabbed your hand and squeeze it gently

“It's not that,” He shake his head, denying your words “I don't want you to see me all sweaty and red. I don't want you to be disgusted in me or something” words came out naturally, opening up to you his eternally clinging fear. That anyone who sees him in such a state will most simply leave him. However, your eyes get big looking at his face. And Jimin freezes, unsure of your reaction.

"What the heck? You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen…Have you seen yourself in the mirror?” your voice is rough, but still weird feeling raging inside his chest “Like, damn boy…you're handsome as fuck yet you worry about my opinion," warm. He feels warm yet still insecure at the same time.

"How can you even say that?" face getting warmer that the feeling inside his chest, cheeks are burning so he tries to turn his face in the other way but he can't

"I'm telling only the truth" your hands grabbed his shoulders, then one of them gently took his face and let it hide in the crook of your neck.

And it's so unfamiliar for Jimin, but in such a small gesture he feels filled with so much care that he can't stop tears coming to his eyes. Not a minute passed, and streams of tears went down his cheeks. And he wasn't scared of shedding tears in front of you. Because he felt safe with you "And nothing will ever change my mind."

He was calm feeling you right next to him. Because you fitted just right. The pieces he thought couldn't be patched were filled with your presence only. And he wanted to stay like this. Not wanting to let you go.

“What kind of my behavior bothered you?” words left his lips, and your body tense slightly under him.

“Just...your looks sometimes make me confused. Like...I'm questioning myself if you want me around or not.”

“That's why you disappeared?” He couldn't stop himself from asking this question. Wanted to know if it was all his fault, because if it was, he would do anything to make up for his mistake

“Not only, but yeah at some point.” she chuckled, but the heavy feeling was still on his chest

“I'm sorry.”

“It's fine Jimin, it's fine.”

But even if you said it was fine, Jimin couldn't stop thinking about it.

Because something was off with you, and he just wished to know what it was about exactly.

That mixed feeling that he needs you the most in this world, that his greatest desire is to live by your side conflicted with the thought of whether your broken pieces would fit with his for sure. Questions about whether the feeling blossoming in his chest would begin to overwhelm not so much him as you. He wondered if it all won't make it all disappear like a soap bubble impaled on the tiniest object.

Jimin was about to try hard.

To make sure you feel comfortable around him with the same manner as he felt with you. He wanted his words to affect you in the same way that yours affected him. Because you made every negative thing he saw in himself shrink to such a degree that the hope in his heart that maybe you saw something more in him than a naive boy after all blossomed overgrowing any flaws.

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More weeks passed, and as you spent more and more time with Jimin, the boy began to notice how, despite the toughest armor you put on yourself each day, a shadow of sadness ran across your face despite a relatively happy-looking day. He began to notice how well you were doing at hiding the pain that was bottled up inside you, and he couldn't stop thinking about how to help. Because you do your best to make sure that no one experiences the bitter taste of sorrow when you are alone drowning in despair.

And Jimin wanted to show you that the darkness you try so hard to lock yourself in is not good for you. That your repetitive panic attacks may not be just a momentary weakness but suffering deeply settled in your soul that needs to get a little light that you give to others instead of to yourself. Although he didn't know how long you had been stuck in all this stress, he noticed how addicted you might be to your own thoughts, which weren't necessarily true, and only made you feel worse.

He was after his classes with the kids when a message from you popped up unexpectedly on his phone screen asking if he could pick you up from outside the university building because you weren't feeling well. The boy didn't even hesitate to completely change direction and start running towards you. Knowing perfectly well that you are not someone easily asking for help. Therefore, with a heavy heart, he took no speed in his legs to get next to you as quickly as possible.

He noticed your figure from a distance, you were standing in front of the gate to the college, your face hidden in a scarf, and when he was close enough a quiet sob entered his ears. The stinging sensation in his chest only quickened his steps, and his arms quickly embraced you in a tight hug soothing your crying. Your body trembled under his arms, and your lungs seemed to be having trouble getting enough oxygen.

"J-Jimin?" your voice was weak and at this short sound of it his heart clenched painfully

“I'm right here, for you, and you're safe I promise you're safe.” Jimin was repeating it like a mantra, swaying from side to side and trying to calm you down.

"It's all my fault. I'm the only one to blame" you cried harder, tightening grip on his jacked.

"What happened, why are you saying this?" he tried to look at your face, but you were buried between his arm and muffled around his neck scarf.

"He died because of me, I should be the one dead." Jimin's eyes widen, saliva hard to swallow as his throat was deadly dry. He frozen for a short second trying to digest your words

"Y/N…" he try to coo you, not knowing what actually happened he don't want to believe that you can blame yourself with something like that "This is not true, so please let me just take you home"

"No, you don't understand!" you jerked out of his embrace, eyes quickly looked at your face - red from crying and cold at the same time

"Then explain" your body was shaking, breaths you took was shallow making Jimin himself panic. He wanted to hold you again, promising that everything will be okay

"I walk these damn corridors day after day, the looks of all these people drive me crazy, his friends looking at me with feigned sympathy when I know they blame me every time. Because it's my fault"

"Y/N I don't-" you groaned

“Of course you don't. You know it was a mistake.” he stopped breathing for a second, looking at you with disbelief “I really shouldn't write to you, I shouldn't waste your time, I'm sorry”

"No" it was rough, and astonishment and confusion were plain on your face; he could only hear a faint "huh" from you. Nevertheless, Jimin didn't waste any time and came towards you, embracing you more strongly than when you first attempted to escape. He hugged you as if you were about to break apart in his arms. “I don't care what it was about, I'm sure it wasn't your damn fault. You don't have to tell me. Not now. But you're not wasting my time. Never.” you sobbed harder in his jacket “Just, please let me hold your hand, you'll be okay. I promise you, I'll keep you safe. Just let me hold you.”

“But I am fucked up Jimin, I don't deserve you to be for me.” you said as if wanting to push him away, but your hands were clenched on his jacket, begging him not to leave.

“I am fucked up too, and I don't deserve to be by your side yet I can't let you go” he said, pulling you even closer

“But-”

“Nah, now just breathe. We will get these broken pieces together."

#bts fluff #bts angst #bts au #bts fanfic #jimin x reader #bts hurt/comfort #park jimin #jimin fluff #jimin imagine #jimin x y/n #jimin x you #jimin hurt/comfort #soulmate au

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stargazeraldroth · 11 months

Note

Poor Ink is gonna get separated from Gin no matter what, huh-

Reaper!!! We do need to bring him into this, the poor man is lonely- I just. Forgot about him in this AU until you mentioned him, whoops- But! Yes, he is Absolutely working overtime because of all the shit that’s gone wrong- He’s prooobably not too happy about that, and he’s definitely investigating with the intention of having Words with whoever the hell is responsible for this mess… The big question is when he gets dragged into everything. Hm.

When you think about it, poor Error is probably being knocked for a bit of a loop in this AU, himself… Having to help Ink? Someone else causing more destruction than him? I almost wonder if his attempts to cheer up Ink might also be attempts to cheer himself up, haha.

Yeah, I’m not one to nitpick myself- If I don’t like something, I just leave the page, heh. But it does get very frustrating when it’s always your favorites that are demonized for… No real reason, aside from making the real bad guys look better? Personality swap really is what’s going on there half the time… And! Uuugh I knooowww, why is it always Ink, people??? The poor guy just wants to protect the Multiverse and feel things! People’s insistence on making it because he’s soulless feels… Off, to me, like you said- It isn’t something he has control over, and how determined people are to make his soullessness and subsequent consumption of his paints out to be evil and The Worst Thing Ever is… Well, as someone who struggles with emotions and takes medication, it makes me a bit uncomfortable, myself. I do recall the posts you’re talking about, though! Nothing specific off the top of my head, but they did resonate with me.

I mean, realistically? People don’t care about Reaper and Life (and the Stars, let’s be honest) as much because they don’t have blatantly tragic backstories that they have allowed to completely shape their current sense of self. Nightmare causes a surplus of negativity and despair almost to achieve a sense of revenge for not being as appreciated as Dream, and he pretty much refuses to let himself heal from his trauma as a child. Error is, however much people try and act like FGoD is canon to his story (it isn’t), a psychotic manchild with the vibes of a god complex and the power to back it up, who pretty much loathes everything that isn’t exactly as he wants it, and has been horrendously affected by his extensive isolation in the antivoid and his past issues (whether people think he remembers them or not) as Geno. Reaper and Life, meanwhile, while not always happy with their roles, also notably ARE NOT making it anyone else’s problem- There’s none of the “I can fix them” allure, I think, because, well, there’s nothing to fix. By all accounts, they’re incredibly stable for their situation and have long since adapted to any of the disadvantages coming from it. There’s nothing about how what Nightmare’s Gang and Error get up to would affect the Balance of Life and Death because there isn’t a perceived need to justify horrific actions taken by the Life Cycle duo, because they don’t commit horrific acts- Hell, Reaper resigns himself to an eternity of being touch starved to avoid the possibility of that!

Uuuhhh that got long sorry for the rant but basically- People aren’t as invested in Life and Reaper because they’re aren’t Edgy Enough for them, and also don’t have a need to have their lifestyles justified because they’re ultimately reasonable, stable people. Or something, haha.

Yes! Yes yes yes!!! People are sooo quick to jump on the Stars for “not acknowledging the necessity of negativity and destruction” enough or whatever, but only until it’s convenient for their favs- Then, it becomes a show of how Evil and Awful Ink must be, creating such horrible AUs that have deeply hurt the poor, innocent Bad Guys! Never mind that creating AUs has never once been shown to be something Ink does, and never mind that he only encourages Creators to do exactly that- Create. He doesn’t realistically have any control over what they do with the inspiration he gives them, but nooo, it’s definitely all Ink’s fault. It also definitely can’t be a result of them having free will and making their own choices, and it can’t be their fault that the consequences of their actions have caught up to them. Like, at least make up your mind people! Does Ink force the AUs to stay on a certain path to get “his desired results” or something (no, he doesn’t, that goes against who he is as a concept)? Because last I checked, he isn’t holding a fucking gun to Dust’s head and forcing him to kill his brother. That’s all on Dust himself. Does he somehow write “his desired results” into the codes and scripts of the AUs (no, because he doesn’t make the AUs)? Because if that’s the case and he did create the AUs and their scripts, why make it a possibility for them to hate him for that at all- Why give them the free will to do that, if he cares so much for “his scripts,” and why give them the ability to leave and cause problems in other AUs, disrupting those scripts? And that’s not even getting into how, if they make Dream the bad guy with Ink, they’ll be willing to just conveniently shuffle that aside whenever needed to hate on him for being “too positivity oriented” and not admitted how necessary negativity is… You know. The negativity they just condemned Ink for “creating.” I’m not sure if I’m making sense, I feel like I’m getting too frustrated to be truly coherent, but I definitely agree with you either way-

Don’t worry, I forget about them too (they feel like a very restrictive concept to me and don’t provide a lot of wiggle room, haha), but when I do remember them it’s always because people are vilifying Ink for being “Fate’s Favorite Child,” never mind that, even if an abuser’s favorite isn’t being physically abused and are, in a twisted way, loved, they can still be mentally and emotionally abused- What if Ink’s being infantilized and Fate never lets him make his own choices, removing his ability to truly be his own person and meet his own needs (that she might refuse to acknowledge)? What if she’s highly unstable and prone to emotionally tearing him apart if he does something she doesn’t like, leaving his self esteem in shreds? What if he’s always feeling like he’s walking on egg shells whenever she’s near because he never knows what could set her off, and what she could do when it inevitably happens? What if he never feels safe to express himself? What if she’s engaging in love bombing and guilt tripping and gaslighting, leaving him feeling uneven and unsure of reality? Even if he’s the favorite without being physically hurt, that doesn’t translate to good things, people! His state of being soulless doesn’t (or shouldn’t) diminish the horror that can stem from that position. Hell, if anything, it gives her something to hold over his head- Who’s to say she wouldn’t point out how freakish his soullessness and paints make him, only to, in the same breath, assure him that she won’t judge him like everyone else does? Just… Aaauuuggghhh, it annoys me! It annoys me so much!!!

Also what the FUCK since when has ERROR been a green flag? The hell???

Buddy if you’re bitchy then I’m Mega Bitchy, this stuff just. Gets to me. I’m with you, though, it’s the reason I largely prefer FGoC content- Usually, everyone is (relatively) in character, and Ink gets to keep his genuinely kindhearted bestie who cares about him and his well-being (AKA Dream). Like! Let my boys be friends who care for each other!!!

Long live the paintbrush! And yeah, that would definitely make this even more hellish for poor Ink… A constant reminder of what he sees as him at his worst, with no way to escape and no method of even going to that state himself to avoid processing all of this. He’s definitely overthinking it all and wondering if he was meant to get his paints in the first place- Was he meant to be as statue still as them, once? Was he meant to remain with them, standing silently? Just. He’s suffering so much, and every little feeling is magnified because he’s in the worst possible place he can be in.

Nightmare is sipping a martini and watching the Multiverse go to hell like he’s on vacation- Which, really, he kind of is! And he has Dream to thank for it! Sure, he might’ve wanted to rule the Multiverse, but seeing his do-no-harm, goody-two-shoes, holier-than-thou brother completely betray everything he stands for makes up for not being able to do that anymore very nicely.

🌧️ Rainy Anon 🌧️

RAINY WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS, OH MY GOD- this is such a delayed response, I'm so sorry. Given how long it's been my responses might be like, complete garbage. But it's gonna be okay, it's fine.

Lol, don't worry Rainy, I forget about Reaper in most of my larger scale AUs too. I don't really focus much on him in general, like in Balanceswap, but I usually explain his absence with "He's busy doing Reaper things". I think it counts as a legitimate explanation. After all, death never stops, right? Maybe Reaper can get involved when the AUs get mass destroyed? Does that still happen in this AU? Like I said, it's been a while- I don't really remember what things were established and what things weren't. But if it does, I think something of that scale would be way too big for him to push off for later.

I can definitely see Error's attempts to cheer Ink up as a double intention, he's trying to cheer himself up and distract himself from the fact that someone's doing his job better than he is. To be fair, I imagine Ink would do something similar if someone were to, say, doa better job at protecting the AUs than him. Ink's just like "Don't think about being replaced, don't think about being replaced"

I feel like a way to make an FGOD story more interesting, while keeping some of the common elements people use, is having Ink be aware of the Balance... but so desensitized to it (and the ways of the Multiverse) that he just can't... sympathize with Error's inner conflict. He knows the Balance exists and how it works, he knows that destruction is a necessary counterpart to creation. The problem comes in the fact that, rather than him being soulless (I really do think people need to be a bit more creative with their reasons as to why Ink's a villain in these stories, aside from being soulless. I think I said this before, but using a condition he has no control over to villainize him seems... icky), he's been around long enough and has witnessed so many things concerning the Balance that he doesn't react to it anymore. Maybe there was a God of Destruction before Error, or a different God filling a different role (for example: Nim was the Guardian of both Positivity AND Negativity prior to creating the Twins), and they did something that essentially made the Balance turn against them and label them as a threat. Something I tend to use a lot for Ink is that, aside from being the Protector, he's kinda like the Balance's vessel. He enacts its will, so to speak. And being the Protector, he has to eliminate threats to the AUs (or the Multiverse), right? And if a fellow God becomes a threat, well... you see where that's going. Instead of making Ink's villainy come solely from a condition that affects how he thinks and behaves, I would have his negative character be a twisted way of trying to PROTECT Error from the inevitable consequences of trying to abandon his role.

Break-up for the wall of text.

Ink's soulless state can still be relevant! I'm not saying we should ignore that entirely. But like I said, being soulless affects how a person thinks and behaves, as seen with Flowey. That being said, being soulless is kinda like an equivalent to mental and/or personality disorders, and we know those don't just automatically make someone a bad person. Experiences have a big impact, too. So we can have his soulless state be influential in how he thinks and acts, but there needs to be MORE to his motives than something so... well, not to get controversial or sound self-righteous, but... stereotypical. If Ink's soulless state was replaced with something else, like an established disorder or condition, I think people would have a bigger issue with so many using that to villainize him.

So! Ink's soulless state makes it difficult for him to sympathize with Error's turmoil because, even with the paints, he still feels emotions differently. In terms of how he thinks, experiences, people. Experiences. Ink's mindset and way of thinking aren't set in stone, just the same as any other character. Using the idea that Ink's been around longer than everyone else has, he's experienced more than they have. Rather than him somehow not knowing the Balance exists, have him know something about the Balance that Error and the others DON'T. And if you wanna use the whole "Staying on script" thing, then give him a reason for it! Sure, maybe it's for his own amusement, but what if... and hear me out, I might sound a little crazy... there are consequences if an AU strays too far from the script?

Oh wait. That would give Ink some rationality and a considerable argument. And we can't have that! He's supposed to be evil incarnate to counter our precious little saint.

I don't want to dominate this ask with FGOD rambles, so I'll just leave it there. Also because I'm getting bored talking about my concept for an FGOD story, and for the record, I have no intention on writing it. It's just a concept for if I did write one while keeping some of the more iconic traditions (is that what they'd be called?) in the fanfics I have read.

I kinda have to disagree with you on this part, Rainy. I get where you're coming from, but out of the Star Sanses, Blue's the only one who doesn't have a tragic backstory. I mean, Ink's backstory is really nothing BUT tragedy. And that tragedy leads to his soulless state (which people villainize to hell and back), which shapes his personality. As for Dream, they're literally pulling the "His trauma was worse than yours" card. Dream's life wasn't perfect either, people. He was overworked by the villagers and emotionally manipulated by them to keep serving them. The twins experienced different forms of abuse and suffering, but they both suffered significantly. And remind you, they were 6. 6 YEARS OLD. And these people expect Dream to respond to the situation with perfect, flawless, god-level rationality and be able to resolve every single problem to have appeared in the world. Like... do you people even hear yourselves? Why are you putting all of the blame for Nightmare's suffering on a 6 YEAR OLD CHILD who was ALSO A VICTIM instead of the ACTUAL VILLAINS, aka the VILLAGERS? The ones who are actually adults and should be thinking rationally and know better? It's like... they're treating Nightmare and Error as these helpless, innocent victims who need to be coddled and can't get so much as a slap on the wrist for their trauma, and then use that same trauma to villainize the other two and give them the death sentence on account of simply existing.

I will agree with you about Reaper and Life, though. I don't know what happens with them tbh.

BUT YES PREACH IT RAINY! PREACH IT! In these AUs, they only care about Destruction and Negativity being able to freely exist until it can't be used to cater to their precious, untouchable favs. And maybe I'm starting to come across as condescending, but if you're going to put these double standards, then CALL THEM OUT ON THEM! From what I've seen, Ink and Dream and co. are always getting called out and criticized for double standards, but they're suddenly okay when Error or Nightmare has them? Also, I brought this up during the other asks about the False FGOD AU, but where's the proof? What's the argument they're using to convince everyone? Because without actual proof, it's all a game of He Said vs She Said. You can't just say "I'm actually the good guy and they're evil!" and expect everyone to just believe you instantly. That's... that's not how it works. They shame Blue and co. for blindly believing Ink, but if they don't blindly believe in Error and co., they're the bad guys for expressing doubt and being wary. Again, double standards. Also, loving how the Murder Trio can literally choose to murder people of their own free will (there are other ways to cause negative feelings), but god forbid Dream raises his voice at Nightmare even slightly, when Dream has completely justified reasons to be pissed with him too.

AGAIN, I DON'T HATE FGOD. I hate how it's frequently executed in this black-and-white vision, waters all the characters down to "Saint" or "Most Evil Person To Ever Be Conceptualized", and hardly has any logic to anyone's actions other than "This person is good and this one's evil". FGOD has so, so, SO much potential that keeps getting wasted because people just won't... branch off from the bare bones! It's an AU, it's a fanfic! Get creative! Get your hands messy! Try out different things!

Also, never ask me about Fate or Destiny. This goes for everyone. I don't know those two, I only know the Creators/Voices. And that's it. They basically fill the same roles regardless. But those are also good points about how Fate is also the real villain in this case, and how she influences and molds Ink into becoming a villain as well. Having Ink as a victim of abuse could be relatable for many people and provide more understanding as to why he acts the way he does. But noo, Ink's Evil Incarnate, he's allowed to have any sympathetic or relatable qualities, and if you do sympathize with him or see his points, you're a villain too!

LMFAO Error's such a red flag it even shows in his eyes. I'm- I'm actually writing a oneshot based on the "Red Flags" song for Errorink.

I gotta agree with you. Maybe I sound biased because Ink is my kin and comfort character, but I feel like FGOC content fleshes out the characters more and gives them dynamics. I actually need to start reading FGOC stuff again, does anyone have any recommendations? Also, Dream is one of the sweetest, genuinely nicest characters in the AU canon. Is it such a crime to let this angel be an angel. Why can't both twins be good, acknowledge that neither of them are perfect, and reconcile. Why do people insist on turning victims of the same abusers against each other.

I like how the conversation about the actual AU gets cleaved in half by our rants about how people portray characters, that's great. So much so that when I get to the part about the actual AU, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what we're talking about". At least, if Ink was just teleported back to his unfinished AU but didn't get his soul back, he'd eventually be able to just... shut down.

Fucking Nightmare. I love this pompous asshole so damn much.

#anonymous asks #underverse au #utmv au

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rudeteens · 4 months

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Told someone they had to take responsibility for their own healing and stop repeating the same exact complaints about a situation from years ago because they are just using it as a tool to beat themselves. They were like okay ouch, and started crying.

Jesus fucking Christ it’s not that things that happened to me in the past don’t impact me, sometimes even often, but I’m not getting stuck in a thought loop for hours repeating myself getting more and more worked up, because that would just be hurting myself and a maladaptive coping mechanism when I could literally choose to do something else that I enjoy to distract me and break that cycle…

It’s not a fucking insult to be told that YOU have to be responsible for YOUR healing, reliving a hurtful situation from years ago over and over again until you panic and freak out helps nobody!!! And nobody can MAKE you feel better either or grant you retribution. If this thought persistently bothers you and you can’t deconstruct it or find a helpful framework to analyze it, literally just redirect yourself until you have the distance and discipline to return to it.

Stop acting like things only happen TO you, you can affect change in your own life and I need to you start ACTING LIKE IT because your refusal to take action has had substantial impact on my development as person and I’m sick of it!!!!

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carronpatrick · 1 year

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Y'all I just. I'm gonna post the chaos here cause why the fuck not, they can kiss my ass if they don't like it. 😘 But unlike FB and IG, I can blissfully put a read more! 😂

So basically, I've had one shit thing on top of the other and I'm literally dealing with my poor mom needing brain surgery and I just. I finally broke down to the lowest I can go before I'm in the ground and stayed there for weeks and something added on top today and uh, yeah, absolutely the fuck not.

----- This was the public post, lmao. Enjoy I guess? Idk. I have friends here who I don't have on other socials and y'all all deserve to know what's been happening... For my entire fucking life tbh. 💀 -----

❗Access to my presence is a privilege. I accept the apologies you'll never give for my own peace, even the ones that are falsely given and full of excuses and lies and blame shifting to make yourselves feel better, but your access is still denied. ✌🏼

Perhaps if me expressing my feelings feels like an attack, you should reflect on why you feel guilty and why you refuse to accept and take responsibility for your actions. Y'all always told me to grow up - maybe you should do the same.

If you have a problem with me, don't call my mother to make her cry. (Not just the one person who called today because I reacted to a crappy behavior which excuses given aren't technologically possible, this goes for all of y'all who have done that since I was a child.) You've placed family members my age and in my same relation to you on your peer level, you can do the same for me. Come to me. I'll see messages in my requests box and will gladly give my phone number.

But also don't expect the same little girl who would keep the truth hidden to keep the peace. My peace isn't worth any less than yours. The little girl who was yelled at at age 5, taken off the will, and told I was not wanted, but my half sister was so she should stay. The broken teenager who cried and cried and begged God, please, I'd do anything, take years off my life, please just to change me into someone who y'all would deem worthy of love and attention and basic human decency.

I won't air y'alls dirty laundry, and unlike you, I won't make up lies or talk behind backs in refusal of my errors and imperfections - I am a human, I am flawed. I have made plenty of mistakes and God willing, I will live to make many more! But I also accept responsibility for them and learn from them. I simply won't accept being treated like an unwanted bug anymore. And that's truly how all of you have made me feel, every day of my 30 years so far.

You took enough, you destroyed enough, you have hurt me enough. I deserve better. And the saddest thing is you don't even see that. People who I should NEVER have had to EARN LOVE FROM. People I gave ALL my love to, unconditionally, endlessly. People who I will still love until I die, and still cry and mourn the possible relationship I should have had with. I will cry when you die, but sadly only because of the missed opportunity to be a real family and the apologies I learned to forgive but never received.

I will continue to pray for all of you every night, in hopes one day you take a look in the mirror and realize how far off the path you've gotten. I truly hope you are able to fix the poisonous parts of yourselves before you have to face God. I hope in Heaven, you'll be better, and maybe we can finally have the relationship you so easily gave everyone else but refused me.

I am finished with people who refuse to even care enough to ask my side of the story. For 30 years, I've accepted that I was the ONE person who you all deemed unworthy and unwanted and not good enough and I was doing something wrong, maybe I really didn't deserve to be alive. People who would rather coddle the person who physically abused me and taught me how to sink a blade into my skin and told me to kill myself and never has nor ever will apologize or even acknowledge it happened. Maybe you all are just stupid and honestly believe it, I'm not sure. But as adults, you damn well should know better and behave better.

You almost took my life from me at 16, you have destroyed as much as you possibly could for the past 30 years - I refuse to allow you to take and destroy the rest.

I hope your lives will be as joyful and Godly and fulfilling and wonderful as mine will be, but at this point there is literally not a thing you could say to be allowed back in my life. And sadly the actions that would allow it will never be done because you guys don't have the balls to stand up and ask questions and make waves.

✌🏼

----- and then I sat here listening to Look What You Made Me Do by TSwift and wrote this 😂😂😂😂 -----

I'm finally just... not sitting here, forced (just to clarify, not by Mom, but by her shitty family and most of Dad's as well) to stay silent and let the horrible attacks build up internally until I go off grid for 3 weeks in a dissociation zombie state because I have to go numb to survive and I cry myself to sleep and cry when I wake up and question if they're right and I'm useless and have no talent or intelligence and shouldn't be alive.

Nah, fuck that, I absolutely do. I deserve to thrive, not just survive in fear of the next bad thing they will drop. I'm not useless. I have plenty of intelligence and I think at least a little bit of talent. Not as much as my friends and Mom think I have, but. 🤭 LOOK, I have plenty of my own demons tearing me down, I don't deserve to have them become new ones on top of the old traumas they caused.

Oh my God, I never realized how suffocating it was to be an adult with my own social media and be unable to say even 50% of what I think or how I feel for fear of 'family' causing drama and fights and fear of not being the better person. I'll be the better person tomorrow, I deserve to vent to the few people who DO give a fuck about me. (Or just vent to myself, which is also fine tbh.) I knew it was stifling and damaging but like. I guess I just pretended it wasn't as bad as it truly was.

Like, I have Tumblr - which has been the one safe place for me for the past, oh, 15 years at least - but shit, dude, I deserve to have peace all over. No more secret 'close friends' posts, I can just.... Post.... And anyone who doesn't like it can just.... Not like it or delete me or whatever... 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can sing again with the normal fears that people won't like it, not that my song choice will create a power point discussion on what I did wrong by posting it at their family vacations to the lake or whatever.

Won't cause an entire war (which, FYI, they do NOT want to wage a war with me because all my skeletons are at my table in plain view and I accept and learned from them and know I'm not less for being honest, but theirs are buried so deep it'd basically ruin their lives. Never underestimate the quiet ones you abused for years, honey. We learn to become wallflowers and we remember every dirty secret.)

But, yeah. I can just... Be myself... Don't have to defend myself or Mom (or Dad, yeah, the dead man who can't defend himself now? Yeah.) against anyone because I said 'fuck' (the HORROR! A FULLY GROWN ADULT! 30 YEAR OLD WOMAN! USING A NAUGHTY WORD! THE SHAME!), cause none of them will ever see my posts again. I can post my songs/lyrics because I don't have to worry about the bullshit guilt trip over being hurt when someone hurt me. I can post just, songs I hear and like and want to share! Funny memes! Cute animal videos! Or nothing at all! Even my silence won't be dissected!!?! 😱

I can feel my feelings and like, y'all can disagree but you won't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that? And tbh if you do, you'll be deleted cause you can disagree with my feelings or thoughts or whatever, but you have no place telling me how I involuntarily feel or think is wrong. ((Not like, I don't have all the information and have a bad take on something important like politics or something. I absolutely welcome y'all educating me, just not for my personal stuff. I'm sure the whole 2 people still reading understand what I'm saying, lmfao.))

How wild, bruh. 💀

Freedom from 'family' feels weird, lmfao. Very very good but I'm just still expecting someone to screenshot my posts and send them to the family group chat I've never been in and talk shit about me and call Mom to yell and make her upset just to injure me. I'm like a rabbit just scared to death of every twig snap still, but I'll hopefully get over it.

Nothing like righteous anger to create spite to knock you out of a depression breakdown, right? 😂

#2023 #self #I may delete it but probably not

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